#because your autism made you get overwhelmed when your routine changed

[dollopheadedmerlin]

Yall . . .

My roommate is super cool and all, but she REALLY wants me to be autistic, like so much so that she has just started referring to my autism (which doesn't exist) and it is really annoying

Like, I'm not offended when people ask me if I have autism because it's not a bad thing and whatnot, but what is griping me is that she just decided that she is gonna insist that I do?? And she isn't even the only person to have done this to me before.

Like I score pretty dang low on the raads test, and my friends who have either autism, adhd, or both (my partner included) agree that I just have very obvious unmedicated adhd, because I don't relate to stuff that is more solely the autistic experience.

And like?? I've even questioned it before. Like huh maybe I DO have autism, but each time I have, myself or others pretty easily rule it out.

And it's really agitating me because recently there does appear to be this trend where autistic people are trying to convince EVERYONE that they're autistic, especially people with adhd

And the nail in the coffin is that I do have a special interest. And for whatever reason, part of this surge of people who are trying to accuse people with adhd that they're really just experiencing internalized ablism when they say they're not autistic, is that they claim that special interests are ONLY things that people with autism can have???

And like, I don't know where this came from??? Because you can develop special interests due to trauma, and it is a potential symptom of adhd and whatnot. Like a simple google search can tell you that special interests are not and autistic exclusive thing! It's just a common autistic trait, versus an uncommon adhd trait.

And the bottom line is that I am kinda irked by autistic people acting like adhd isn't as neurodovergent as autism. As though it doesn't affect me or my relationships and that the only reason I would insist I'm not autistic is that I don't want to be autistic. I don't care!! I would not care if I was autistic!! I do care when random laymen try to diagnose me for no reason!!! Or look at me like I'm lying when I say I don't have autism!! Or pretend that adhd is just excited neurotypical!! Stoppppp

[pacifymebby]

could you possibly do the peaky lads where their s/o who seems “out-there” to others (not weird like crazy and loud) as in doesn’t fully understand social cues, might speak before thinking, not understanding or realizing the vibe of a conversation in time/at all, but ultimately being good-intentioned and tries hard to act “right”? (essentially maybe being someone on the spectrum and if this sounds personal that’s bc it is lol) ty for ur consideration :) 🤍🤍

Okay so, i have adhd and suspected but not diagnosed autism so i based a lot of this on my own experiences but also just wanted to say thank u for the ask i love this its v v cool.

Tommy

🌿Is probably taken back by it at first, his whole thing is being able to predict how other people behave and respond and when he can't do that with you he finds it throws him

🌿 At first... Once he knows he can't ever account for how you'll respond to him or how you'll feel about a situation he stops trying to control things or predict things and kind of realises he just has to be himself, no frills, no tricks, just plain old Tommy

🌿 Theres a moment the first time you meet, where he's talking to you, probably warning you away from the part of the city youre in, trying to put on the dangerous man act, when it becomes apparent that although youre listening to him (he thinks you're listening to him anyway?) your mind is clearly wandering and before he's finished speaking you cut him off with "Well i have to come here... Thats my favourite bakery," you point over his shoulder and he's a little stunned...

"Excuse me?" he looks at you in confusion, wants to ask why you can't just go to a different bakery but senses that if he does you might actually answer him...

🌿He realises pretty early on that any sense of danger you have is outweighed by your own stubborness/ routine. You're going to keep walking past the betting shop to get to your bakery whether he likes it or not, so he can either adjust and make time in his busy schedule to acompany you to the bakery, or he can let you get on with it.

🌿 So you get to see a side of him that he doesn't usually show anyone anymore. Things start out awkward but quickly become very natural once Tommy lets go of his need to control every element of his life.

🌿So other people don't really understand what you've done or how you've done it, but they notice the change in Tommy when youre around and they say that youve done him a lot of good. They think you're really good for him.

🌿 You're nervous to meet his family because you are aware that sometimes other people dont understand you, in a society of rules and set manners, you often come across as rude or a little odd... But Tommy would reassure you, probably by pointing out that youre about to enter a family full of "witches, psychics and murderous thugs" (joking of course) so how can anybody possibly say that you're the odd one...

🌿And when you meet his family he's watching you the whole time, trying to make sure he notices if you get overwhelmed or if you feel uncomfortable.

🌿 When youre nervous your habit of ramblimg very quickly can get worse and when he notices this happening he gives your hand a squeeze and makes sure hes following the conversation so he can answer when youre done... You have a tendency to leave people in stunned silence and he doesnt want you to be embarrassed

🌿 In the same vein, when you miss social cues, don't realise someones made a joke, don't realise you're being spoken to and need to answer, Tommy will gently, subtly nudge you in the right direction or just start to answer for you so that you know you can speak.

🌿 Also if its an important meeting or social event thats happening in which you will be on public display he will go through every step of the evening with you telling you what you should say when you greet certain people, when you should shake hands ect ect. He will explain different peoples personalities and mannerisms too, "When you meet him he'll probably try to charm you, he tells lots of terrible jokes, none of them will be funny but when he laughs you should laugh too, don't worry if you don't understand the joke, they're usually so bad no one else does either..." he will make sure you feel prepared to navigate the evening!!

🌿If anyone makes any sarcastic comments in front of you, theres a chance they will go over your head, but tommy will pick up on it and put whoever said it in their place. Hes probably more protective of you and feels he has to shield you from everyone who doesn't understand you

🌿 There are definitely times when he's been in the middle of a very tense conversation with one of his brothers or in the middle of a family meeting when the vibe is "tense" and you've not really picked up on the seriousness of a conversation, so have asked what to anyone else would be deemed a trivial question... John might smirk, Arthur probably frowns and can't hide his confusion... But tommy would just answer your question plain and simple.

🌿And the rest of the family would be able to tell from the look he gave them not to say a word.

🌿 When someone is flirting with you and you dont realise (because idk about you but unless someone is straight up "do you wanna fuck" i will not notice at all, and if they say something too obvious then i just think its a joke) Tommy will just quietly tell you, he'll be a mixture of proud and possesive, "you do realise what that man wants from you don't you angel?" "What?" "You..." "Oh, well... Thats unfortunate for him i guess?..."

🌿Ultimately the gist of this is that its amusing for everyone else seeing how Tommy has to relax and accept a loss of control when he's around you... And he is forced to open up, umwind and be less uptight because of you too. You definitely bring out the good in him.

Alfie

🐻 Alfie is exceptionally endeared to you, he thinks its cute when he catches you looking lost in conversation, he just wants to put an arm around you, take you under his wing.

🐻 The first time he met you, when he introduced himself to you and you didn't quite catch what he'd said so instead of asking you just hesitated, looking back at him waiting for him to say something else... He pretty much decided from then on that he was going to keep you around, he'd have a protective attitude towards you even if really you don't need protecting.

🐻 He would try to teach you a little about the streets of Camden, try to teach you some street smarts... Because he doesnt like the thought of you out there on your own... But if you weren't a quick learner he wouldn't mind. He'd be very patient with you, and honestly he probably enjoys being that person you look to for help in any situation.

🐻 He will also try to help you prepare for any social events which might be intimidating for you, giving you all the gossip and intel to help you behave accordingly with each person... Unfortunately he will let his own opinions get in the way, he'll refer to a person by his own personal insults "fat boy" or "mummys boy" little nicknames he gives to each person, which you may once or twice have been known to accidently blurt out upon an introduction.

🐻 He likes to catch your eye across a room and feel like he's your protector when he walks over, stands just behind you and picks up the conversation for you.

🐻 He can talk for England can Alfie and i think the first time you interrupt him, mid-sentence this excited smile on your face because you know exactly what he's talking about!

🐻 He'd be amazed the first time you cut him off like that but i think afterawhile, as he got used to it, he'd enjoy it, the two of you would have such long conversations cutting in on one another, talking about ten different things at once

🐻 Hes lowkey impressed by your ability to understand him and follow his train of thought when he's talking complete shit.

🐻 You're the only person who is allowed to interrupt him.

🐻 Ollie is lowkey jealous that you get away with all of your mishaps because he doesnt.

🐻 Alfie doesn't see any problem with the way you are, if other people say you seem odd or "out there" he just shrugs and says "wellllll i like 'em..."

🐻 More than that, Alfie actually enjoys the fact that you often misstep in conversation with others... He likes to see the looks of confusion on other people's faces when you say or do something they aren't expecting. He absolutely won't help them when you catch them off guard with a question they weren't expecting.

🐻 "Well? The little lady asked you a question... Didn't she..."

🐻 He would constantly be battling internally with whether to let you help him with business or not... On the one hand you'd be excellent at unnerving his opponents without even trying... But on the other hand you are so precious to him and he wouldn't want you anywhere near those kinds of people. Especially when you sometimes don't pick up on the vibe of the conversation, you might not realise if you were being threatened...

🐻 One thing he does find amusing but does spark his over protective and possesive nature, is that you never, NEVER notice when someone is flirting with you... You will giggle along, smile and be your friendly self with someone who is really pushing their luck... And alfie will stand there silently furious but also finding it incredibly funny that this man is trying so hard to charm you, is thinking that its working, but it actually isnt at all.

🐻 He'll cough, take your hand in his and raise your palm to his lips as a way of gently showing you his affection and passive aggressively showing the other man that you're taken.

Arthur

🍂 Arthur strikes me as spectrumy himself to be honest so i think the two of you would either get along incredibly well, having these fast conversations only the two of you can understand, or you'd constantly be misunderstanding eachother and getting confused.

🍂 I think he'd find it funny when you behave unexpectedly in front of Tommy, the fact that you really try to be "good" and polite in front of him but still end up mistepping because you don't pick up on the subtext of the conversation...

🍂 Arthur would find that both adorable and reassuring since he often doesnt pick up on those things either.

🍂 Honestly i think you would understand eachother better than anyone else understands either of you. You'd be able to have such easy conversations about the important stuff because neither of you would cut corners or pussy foot around difficult things... Youd just tell eachother everything exactly how it is/feels to you and then you'd have clarity that isn't there in your relationships with others

🍂 I think your inability to match up to societies expectations would marry up well to his "reject/underdog/outcast" thing too. You're both trying your best to be what other people expect you to be but you're both "failing" and through no fault of your own.

🍂 You would be eachothers salvation and sanctuary from a confusing and frustrating world. Instead of feeling like "whats wrong with me?" you'd come to the conclusion that the real question is "what the fucks wrong with everybody else? Why are we the only sane ones?"

🍂 He would be fiercly loyal and protective of you, if other people like his brothers ever made out like you had "a screw loose" or you were a bit "slow" Arthur would defend you with his whole chest (and fists depending on who said what where)

🍂 When he can tell that you're really struggling to follow a conversation he'll speak for both of you, whether he understands the whole vibe of the conversation or not.

🍂 When you are feeling overwhelmed he'll hold your hand in his lap and give it a tight squeeze

🍂 He fucking hates it when people flirt with you and you dont realise. Sometimes he gets frustrated with you but most of the time his anger is directed at the men.

John

🌼 Adhd king amirite <3

🌼 Who is actually interrupting who here? What are you even talking about anymore?

🌼 You and john would definitely be thick as theives, almost telepathic because you just get eachother in that way that only two neurodivergents can?

🌼 You'd balance eachother out as well, you'd be the laid back half to his excited child chaos.

🌼 Every time you "fucked up" in conversation this man would have your back, doubling down on whatever you said, always taking your side. He'd be fiercly loyal to you and you to him.

🌼 I think he'd make it even harder to concentrate on conversations though, you would be trying hard to listen in a family meeting and John would be whispering to you, knowing he finds it easy to distract you... So if you're missing the vibe of serious conversations its not your fault, its just you have the class clown sitting next to you and you're his favourite person so

🌼 I think you and John would struggle at first when it comes to emotional conversations. You know that bit in Wednesday when her love interest says "You're giving me all these signals Wednesday..." and like, as far as she's concerned she hasnt been giving any signals at all. I feel like at first thats how it would be... He'd be making it obvious how much he likes you... Cheesy flirting, real teenage boy flirting and you'd just think it was a joke IF you noticed it at all

🌼 And one day he'd just be like "y/n what the fucks going on here do you like me or not?"

🌼 "Well of course i like you John, i wouldnt spend all this time with you if i didn't like you..."

🌼 "You know i dont mean it like that y/n..."

🌼 "Like what?"

🌼 Basically you just being kind of clueless that he likes you and him just desperately trying to make it more and more obvious... But then when he finally cracks and says it to you plain and simple, you answer him plain and simple and he feels like a fool for not just talking to you...

🌼 And then when you are together it would be this learning curve for him, that he can't just say serious things in a jokey way because you won't know hes really being serious.

🌼 He has to learn to be a bit less childish sometimes... Only sometimes... Other times you behave like children together much to everybody elses frustration.

🌼 Together you for sure spell trouble and he is definitely ecstatic every time you cut Tommy off or ask him an unexpected question.

🌼 Finds it funny when you don't realise other people are hitting on you, but he does worry it will get you into trouble, that you'll mistake someone being sleazy with you for someone being friendly, so he keeps a close eye on you when youre out, even when youre not out with him

Bonnie

🍀 He's definitely been into you for way longer than you realise... He's been trying to give you signals for so long but they're all so subtle that you don't pick up on them at all

🍀 You're always referring to him as your best friend. You once told someone he was "like a brother" to you.

🍀 He's constantly suffering real teenage angst and yearning for you

🍀 Until one day you blurt it out in conversation and take him by surprise...

🍀 "I said something really stupid and I'm sorry Bonnie!" you'd say in the middle of his sentence about something totally different. Youd be awkward about it, fiddling with your shirt or hair, "I didn't mean to say you were like my brother... You're not that at all actually... Actually i think you're..." he'd be able to see that you are struggling with it but

🍀 He doesnt want to push you or talk over you so he just has to wait it out...

🍀 "think I'm what dove?" he'd be hopeful but not wanting to get his hopes up, because he's used to how unpredictable you can be sometimes, he knows you might not be about to say what he wants you to

🍀 "Actually i think... I really um.. You know..." he'd chuckle at that, biting back a smile as he plays with your fingers, definitely would enjoy teasing you when you steuggle for words/to say the right thing.

🍀 When you finally tell him he'd be so happy, he wouldnt even care that it had taken so long, he'd just be glad you finally understood eachothers feelings.

🍀 He'd be very supportive of you, he'd never let you feel embarrassed or guilty/ashamed if you felt like you'd messed up in conversation

🍀 Similar to Tommy hed make jokes at his family's expense like "You're worried you're the odd one here? Really little dove?"

🍀 Always telling you you're perfect and that he loves you, you're never going to feel like you're not good enough

🍀 Will defend you from any teasing that may come your way

🍀When youre watching him fight you don't hold back when you shout encouragement. You don't really understand when hes throwing the fight unless he spells it out to you first, so sometimes you won't realise and you'll be be shouting at him to "hit back, why aren't you fucking hitting him bon?"

🍀So he learns to warn you and tell you exactly how a fight is supposed to go before it starts. He's lowkey worried youll get him caught!

🍀Bonnie laughs it off when other people flirt with you because "well good luck to em i say, took you bloody years to notice me didn't it," but he does make a point of holding your hand in public, kissing you in public.

🍀 His favourite thing is that the idea of "manners" doesn't hold you back a lot of the time, if the other boys are being cheeky to you you wont hesitate to put them in their place and its always cutting and brutal, more so because you often don't intend for it to be.

Isaiah

🐀Doesn't have the trouble of you not realising he likes you because he is actually straight up with you from the very beginning. "I think me and you would make a good couple what do you say y/n..." "I don't know you..." "Well thats what a dates for... What do you say? I'll pick you up at 7?"

🐀Because hes so straightforward with you, you understand eachother quickly and you are able to trust him very quickly too.

🐀You'd never be confused about where you stand with Isaiah because he always says things simple and truthful and doesn't try to hide or sweeten things for you

🐀Still it takes him by surprise one day when he tries to, he's talking about a job he has to do for tommy, and he's not saying it but you know its dangerous... You turn to him cutting him off mid sentence, "so he wants you to kill them for him? How are you going to do it?"

🐀The way you offer up advice on killing them/disposing of the body so he won't get caught... You just want to make sure he doesn't get caught so that he will be safe, you don't really realise how removed and heartless you sound... When he points it out he says it with an affectionate smirk but you just shrug

🐀"well i just don't want you to get hurt... If i can help you to be safe why wouldn't i? How is that heartless?" he'd be forced to accept that youre right actually, its hardly heartless to care about him.

🐀He would be over protective of you around the others, if other peaky boys looked at you for too long, or tried to tease you, flirting with you and then snickering about the fact you don't seem to realise that they are... Isaiah would put them in their place immediately, wouldn't hesitste to hit them around the back of the head with his cap, shaking his head at them and talking down to them about how they behave like fucking children

🐀When you're worried about messing up in front of people he will be encouraging but in a "so what?" kind of way. He has had to spend his whole life fighting to be respected in the wake of a society that looks down on him for who he is, and his attitude to that is "fuck em" thats what he'll say to you.

🐀"But Isaiah what if i do something wrong and they think I'm..." "who gives a fuck what they think of you love, if you spend your whole life worrying about what the likes of them think about you you'll never be happy, they'll never welcome you with open arms so fuck em... You're fuckin perfect right, a fuckin star... Fuck em... "

🐀Expect lots of these angsty little pep talks.

Michael

☘️ Cares about you alot and can empathise with your embarrassment when you realise you've messed up in conversation by speaking too soon or saying something that isn't exactly relevent at the wrong time... He feels like he can feel it for you

☘️ And his response to this is to try and make sure this happens as little as possible... He doesnt want to make you feel bad about it because he knows you try your best and you just can't help it... But he also hates to see you embarrassed or being laughed at by others so he tries his best to help you get by in social situations

☘️He will write out step by step notes on conversing with certain people (like his cousin tommy who intimidates you) and if you're nervous about something like a job interview or just meeting someone important, then he will let you practice and rehearse the conversation with you too

☘️ He's very supportive in this way, and he'll never leave you to fend for yourself in any situation he doesn't 100% know you'll be accepted in

☘️ He will leave you on your own with Pol though, because he knows she will accept you for everything you are.

☘️ He does get frustrated sometimes when you cut him off but only when he's trying to talk to you about something serious (like your own personal safety) he's constantly reminding you to concentrate or listen to him

☘️ However when you're just talking about things together he likes to let you cut him off and start rambling about something, he loves how your face lights up when something interests you, or how you concentrate when you're explaining a new idea to someone. He could listen to you talk for hours and hours.

☘️ And when you are feeling confident in a social situation michael enjoys being a silent spectator just sitting back and watching you thrive. If you get worried afterwards that you missed the vibe of the conversation or you talked too much he'll shake his head "darlin you were the most interesting person at the table, if you ask me they should have only let you speak, we could all have enjoyed listening to you even longer..."

☘️ He warns his family in advance, and warns tommy especially because he wants tommy to be patient with you and will not tolerate anyone snapping at you or humiliating you.

☘️Really i think, michael was raised in a loving but judgemental family until he found his real mum, i think those prejudices would sometimes sneak up on him, so perhaps at first he would be concious of your differences, however he also knows that those exact prejudices are what meant he was taken from him real mum, they're hnjust and they target good people...so rather than hold those prejudices himself he would be extra concious of protecting you from other people who might hold them

☘️ He won't let anyone say a bad word about you ever, sometimes you'll actually have to be the one to say "calm down michael, he was just joking..."

I hope you like these and that they were what you were wanting, they've taken me a long time because i wanted to get them right i guess!!!

[mystic-headcanons]

you, that one anon and I, are single handedly CARRYING the autistic Jumin headcanon.

If it's alright, what would happen if MC were to help Jumin through a meltdown and/or shutdown? Or her just telling Jumin that it's okay to be him, and that they can find out who he is behind the mask together :,]?

Man this makes me wanna *hits desk repeatedly*

FR THO i love my autistic king <3 i'm sorry for the delay! i've had a very. very. eventful couple of weeks T_T

letting himself feel his emotions was something jumin was still getting used to. before her, he always imagined his feelings as something to be locked away, never to be touched and opened. a pandora's box. there was a wall between himself and his emotions, and it was better for everyone that way. of course, he was only human, and sometimes his strongest emotions would slip through. sadness would creep its way out of the box every so often, catching him in her cruel grip. there was always affection whenever he spent time with elizabeth the third, but other than that, jumin never really let himself feel anything. he had always believed that emotions were a waste of time-- that it didn't matter what he felt, because people treated him the same no matter what. no one ever cared for his emotional needs, so why would he? of course, that all changed when he met her and fell in love for the first time. she was able to get him out of his own head, was able to slowly untangle the mess that was jumin han; while he seemed cold and aloof on the outside, he had been drowning under the surface. she had been his lifeline.

she opened his eyes to so much more than emotions, though. it was her that persuaded him to get an autism diagnosis, her that stuck by his side through the assessment and the waiting, and then the confirmation. the confirmation was both a relief and an anxiety- jumin was relieved to hear that there was a reason for the way that he was, and that he wasn't just some broken mess. anxiety had quickly overpowered the relief he felt, though, because...well, powerful people weren't autistic. in his high society, there was not a single person like that. while jumin was sure a lot of them had mental illnesses, it was something taboo among the elites. something that was spoken of behind closed doors and cupped hands, in whispers while you were passing by and words with double meanings. after the diagnosis, jumin began learning about autism- both through research and through firsthand experiences. something he had to learn firsthand was shutdowns and meltdowns.

there were different types, she had explained, and it's not always a visibly emotional breakdown. sometimes it's just completely shutting down, your body present but your mind somewhere far away where no one could reach. it's your senses becoming overwhelmed to the point where your conscious mind decides to take a step back. jumin didn't understand how that could happen until he had experienced it.

it had been a long, stressful day. there were stacks of paper to be signed, crowds of important businessmen and women to be met with, and an important client backed out of a deal at the last minute and left them all scrambling. jumin's entire routine had been thrown off, and he had to meet with his father and his father's new girlfriend; she was worse than the others, had come onto him when his father wasn't in the room and invaded his personal space. by the time jumin got home, he was barely holding himself together. he breezed by his cat and his wife without a word and made his way into the bedroom where he threw himself down onto the bed and stared blankly up at the ceiling. the longer he laid there, the more detached he became from reality until jumin was unseeing and unblinking. this comatose-like state was how she found him, and she was quiet and gentle when she shut the door behind her. not that it really mattered, because she was certain that the penthouse could burn down and jumin would still be none the wiser.

she sat next to him on the bed and repeatedly carded her fingers through his hair, content to do so until he came back to reality. it took a little while, but she could see the light slowly come back to his eyes. saw how he finally started to notice his surroundings, and then notice her. "when did you come in?" he asked, voice a little rough. "mmm about half an hour ago." she responded, stopping her motions in favor of leaning down to press a kiss to his forehead. "rough day?" she asked, and made a sympathetic noise when he nodded. "overwhelming." he said, letting out a sigh as he closed his eyes. "i'm sorry i went all..spacey like that."

"hey, don't apologize." she frowned, lightly tapping his forehead. "this kind of thing happens sometimes. do you want me to make an appointment with a therapist or anything?" that was a new thing, too. therapy. jumin still wasn't entirely comfortable with it, but he couldn't deny that it did help. learning more about his diagnosis and his feelings and how he felt things made it feel less lonely. like, he wasn't the only one who was messed up. jumin was about to deny her offer, but caught himself. it would always be hard to let other people in, to let them see all the mangled, messed up parts that made him, but he was trying.

there was a fear that jumin had of letting other people know of his diagnosis. other than the repercussions in his society, he feared that people would look at him and label him as autistic. like they wouldn't be able to see any other part of him. it was also the reason why he felt like he never really knew himself; he never knew where his mask ended and where he began, always too afraid to find out. he voiced this fear to her, and fell silent as she contemplated her response for a moment. "i think...the people who love you won't look at you and see your diagnosis, but rather look at it like one more piece to the puzzle. like something to help them understand you better." she said, her voice slow and clear. "as for who you are...well, i can sit here and tell you exactly who i think you are without your mask, but it's more important for you to figure that out...and i'll be right here by your side, of course." her words helped to quell the rising anxiety, and he couldn't be more grateful that someone so thoughtful and so calming was by his side. "thank you." he murmured, pressing a kiss to the side of her head. "i will....give the therapist a call myself. in a little while, though. i want to stay here with you for a moment."

[orchidvioletindigo]

That last post did a really good job of outlining the core symptoms of obsessive-compulsive disorder, but did you know that OCD can also sometimes cause cognitive impairments? I didn't for a really long time and definitely suffered for thinking that I just sucked at certain things for no reason. Here's a list of ways that OCD can potentially make your brain work bad, taken from sources found on the Wikipedia page for OCD:

Cognitive inflexibility. There is a lot that goes into this one. It can mean struggling to get your brain to switch tracks when asked to do a different task or to do the same task in a different way. It can mean you adapt poorly or slowly to new situations which demand changes in your thinking and/or routine. It can mean you have a hard time keeping in mind multiple aspects of something simultaneously (e.g.: you need to perform a task quickly and quietly, but you keep doing one and forgetting the other).

Executive dysfunction. We know this one, right, Tumblr? Can be generalized as having difficulty getting yourself to do things, even when you want to/know you really need to. A cause of chronic procrastination. Example: You have an assignment due for school or work in a few hours, you're screaming at yourself internally to go do it, but you're instead just lying on the floor staring at the ceiling.

Poor cognitive inhibition. This means that your brain doesn't do a good job of screening out irrelevant information. You get lost in the weeds a lot. You may find yourself easily distracted, overwhelmed, or overstimulated. Your reaction times may be poor because you need an extra moment to sort through all of the information in front of you and determine if you need to respond, what you need to respond to, and how. Goes hand-in-hand with the next potential cognitive impairment.

Slower mental processing speed. Your brain takes longer to absorb and make sense of information. One of the clearest indicators of this is if you always struggle to keep up with notetaking during lessons/presentations; you're consistently the only person in the room who has to ask the instructor/presenter to slow down.

Weaker fluency. This is one I admittedly don't understand too well. It's tested by asking a person to name as many things that they can think of within a certain category (e.g. fruits or words that start with "ch") and within a time limit. If you have poor fluency, you don't recall and name as many things within the time limit as most people do.

Weaker spacial memory. You struggle with remembering the layout of locations/where things are in relation to each other. Very easy for you to get lost or to lose things. Example: You've lived in your town for years and yet you still need GPS to help you navigate to places you've been to repeatedly.

Weaker verbal memory. You struggle to remember spoken words, to the degree that it's extremely unlikely you could repeat word for word what someone said later. When you hear about people doing this in stories, you may think that's completely made up because surely that kind of recall just isn't possible, right?

I am not a neuroscientist and so may not have explained everything here exactly right. This may not be a complete list of potential OCD cognitive impairments. Not everything on this list is an exclusive symptom of OCD (there are quite a few that are shared with ADHD and autism!). And of course just because someone has OCD, does not mean that they have all or even any of these cognitive impairments.

[dermestes-vulpinus]

△ What is your biggest weakness?

0/10 The Sun. Obviously.

7/10

I want to take another cop out and call it my Beast, but really it's just my temper because this has been a problem since well before I died. (If anything the Beast just gave me an excuse to act out on it more.)

But really, a lot of stuff pisses me the hell off and I've never been good about managing those feelings, especially when they get overwhelming. I know I probably come across as pretty cool and collected on here, but that's mostly because this is a good site for curating one's own experience. Block And Let Block, you know. Plus, text tends to neuter emotion. It also helps that, at least until recently, I'd had a pretty good and consistent routine going. The problem is when that routine gets disrupted, or something in my environment changes suddenly. Abrupt change in general really doesn't go over well with me. For example, I don't know if you'd encountered me at that point, but a little while ago I got a new coworker and he moved things around in my workspace without notifying me that he was even there and I completely flew off the handle. Let's just say the pissy little post I made about warding my office with cold iron was made well after I'd had to leave and go blow off steam so I didn't take it out on any of my more fragile coworkers. People touching my stuff is like #1 on the list of stuff that sets me off.

Now, having read all that, if you're thinking to yourself "That sounds like a little bit more like autism than it does just the typical Tzimisce attitude," you're probably absolutely right. But, at this point, there's really not much I can do about it aside from Cope and try not to kill anyone who would be missed if they disappeared after trying to throw out my scrap paper.

All in all, there's lots of things you can do to provoke me and very little I can do to not take the bait.

[catboymettaton]

urgh. thinking about that thread like yeah I feel like I am most aware of my autism when it inconveniences me. like there was a big important conference recently that all my professors told me I should go to and well I lasted about three hours and I was so overwhelmed and had to go home early and couldn't make it back the next day because it was so upsetting to me. that was not a good time. idk what the point of tihs is I just wanted to complain. complaining continued under the cut

but idk like the main reason I can see to get diagnosed is for accomodations but truly I don't know what would help me. I do fine in school it works well for me but stuff like conferences and grocery stores is stressful and loud. grocery store I can handle but it is still loud and tiring. so like the world would be more accessible to me if they made the grocery store quieter and made the layout a bit more intuitive but I can't relaly ask the grocery store to change just for me. I know I could order grocery delivery but eh I like being able to see what my options are

but yeah like idk I function well at school aside from some social difficulties which can then be avoided by only hanging out with other autistic peoplel which I do anyway and like I think I'll be good at my future teaching career. make a routine make a plan. I know how to do the things. but shit like conferences and even furry cons is soooo loud and overwhelming and stressful and why do I only have 15 minutes to run across the convention center and why is there no dinner break until 7pm and there is so much noise and I need to be taking in information all the time. and at furry cons there is noises and sounds and im having so much fun but it's so much sensory input and then I have o go to the quiet calmdown room and take like an hour to recover between every single event. which means I miss stuff :(

but yeah. when im upset I often have trouble thinking of positive symtpoms I can only think of the things that inconvenience me. which I guess the autism diagnosis criteria is the way it is because it's a disorder that impacts your qualtiy of life. the symptoms are like you struggle with this and that and you have trouble doing these things and etc. and like hwen im in an environment that accomodates all of that for me (ie autism hangout with the besties) then like. I dont' have any of the negative symptoms. im fine .autism is still there though

I really need to go eat lunch hope you enjoy this essay

[bellasgreensweater]

✨Why I Think Bella Swan Is On The Autism Spectrum ✨

In this post I’m going to talk about why I personally believe that Bella Swan is autistic. As an autistic person myself, I really relate to Bella and I see a lot of autistic traits in her.

Disclaimer: This is just a headcanon- I don’t think Stephenie Meyer intentionally wrote Bella as autistic, and she or the movie producers never confirmed it, so I’m not saying to everyone that she is CONFIRMED to be autistic and that every one has to see her that way, I’m just saying that I personally think she is, and there’s nothing wrong with that. Autistic people hardly have any representation in the media, and with the representation that we do have, it is almost always stereotypical, inaccurate and offensive. You do not have to agree with me on this, but just please be respectful in the comments and don’t hate :)

Ok let’s go:

1. She always felt different from everyone/she felt like nobody truly understood her and that she never really understood anyone either: this is what basically all autistic people feel, myself included. Feeling like nobody understands the way your brain works and the way you see the world. (And this is true, because autistic people do see the world differently than non- autistic people and autistic peoples brains are wired differently from non- autistic brains). Bella mentions this multiple times in the books and movies, at one point in the first book in the car with Edward, she tells him that she thinks he can’t read her mind because they’re a probably a glitch in her brain and that it’s not like other people’s. There is also this quote from the 1st chapter of twilight which sums up how she feels: “ Facing my pallid reflection in the mirror, I was forced to admit that I was lying to myself. It wasn’t just physically that I’d never fit in. And if I couldn’t find a niche in a school with three thousand people, what were my chances here? I didn’t relate well to people my age. Maybe the truth was that I didn’t relate well to people, period. Even my mother, who I was closer to than anyone else on the planet, was never in harmony with me, never on exactly the same page. Sometimes I wondered if I was seeing the same things through my eyes that the rest of the world was seeing through theirs. Maybe there was a glitch in my brain”.

2. Her motor skills: She’s constantly tripping over her own feet, has bad balance, doesn’t realize that she’s walking into things, constantly dropping things ect, a common thing for autistic people is to have poor motor skills and find it hard to navigate their body.

Another disclaimer about autism: not ever autistic person is the exact same, every autistic person expresses their autism in a slightly different way, for example, some autistic people are overly sensitive to sound, and some are under-sensitive to it, these are just the specific things I’ve noticed for Bella in this post, it’s not supposed to be a generalization of autism in any way! :)

3. Social disinterest and difficultly: all throughout her childhood and her time in forks, she wasn’t very interested in making friends or hanging out or going to parties, and she found that she could never make friends with someone easily, she just never fully clicked with someone. She did have some very nice friends in forks, however she never related to them too well or was very attached to them.

4. Dresses for comfort and not fashion: Bella typically dresses in what feels most comfortable for her, not what is the most fashionable thing, this is a common thing with autism. A lot of autistic people like myself are quite sensitive to clothing and fabric and will not tolerate uncomfortable clothing.

5. Limited interests/special interests: Bella doesn’t really have many interests, but the ones she does have, she’s very passionate about. A special interest is an autism-specific term used to describe interests and hobbies that autistic people have that are very important to them. They help regulate emotions, calm people down, provide escapism ect. Autistic people can hyper fixate on these interests for hours and hours and not get bored, they can get so engrossed that they forget to do basic tasks to take care of themselves like drinking or going to the bathroom. These interests can last for years, sometimes a lifetime and they are very important to autistics. Bella swans special interests would be reading, wuthering heights, and vampires. Bella says in midnight sun that she has loved reading all her life and it is one of the few things that bring her intense joy. She said she could read for hours at a time and would try to sneak books into her lessons and read any chance she could get. Bella says that her favorite book is wuthering heights and she has read it so many times that it is beaten up beyond repair and the spine is so cracked that the book lays flat. This would clearly be her special interest. Her other special interest is clearly vampires.

6. Burnouts and meltdowns when Edward leaves: when Edward left in new moon, Bella obviously fell into a huge depression, but I also think she fell into an autistic burnout (if you don’t know what that is pls research or ask me cause this post is already too goddamn long). And in eclipse, when Edward leaves to go home in the afternoon or to go hunting, she can barely focus without him and gets very anxious (this is obviously because she loves him and is literally obsessed with him lol, but I also think it could be a meltdown from separation anxiety and also a change in routine (a lot of autistics get very upset when their usual routine is disrupted or changed))

7. Sensitive to sounds: In the book, often Bella cannot concentrate or fall asleep because of little sounds like the rain, sometimes it takes ages for her to sleep because the rain or tapping is too distracting. (This is a common autistic struggle).

8. Stims & facial twitches & stuttering: in the movie, she is constantly stuttering over her words, and her face and body twitches a lot. She also stims a lot in the book by playing with her hair or sleeves or the zip of her jacket, or her hands or edwards hands. She also covers some of her face with her hair, this could be to do with sensory overload, seeing too much in her field of vision may be overwhelming for her, like a lot of autistics.

9. Trouble expressing feelings/ thoughts: bella struggles a lot sometimes with communication and telling people how she feels. You can see this in her relationship with Charlie. They both love eachother very much but they never say it and when they do it comes out very awkward and sometimes they use the wrong words. You can also see this when she is hesitant to tell Edward in eclipse when she doesn’t want him to leave for the fight, it takes her ages to work up to telling someone how she feels. She also tends to be quite private. This is common for some autistics to feel.

10. Sensory experiences: bella loves the sun and heat, she says that she loves feeling the sun seep into her skin- a lot of autistics feel the sensory world very strongly and love certain sensations and detest others. When Bella moves to forks, she hates the sudden change in weather and gets anxious and upset at the feel of the cold, and the rain against her skin. This links back to my other point where I was talking about how autistics fear sudden changes in routine. Bella is very relieved when there’s a sunny day in forks and goes and sits outside, savouring the weather which reminds her of home.

11. Not too concerned with how she looks: obviously not every autistic person is like this, but quite a few autistics don’t really focus on how they look/present and what they wear. They don’t really know about the social norms and what other people wear so they do what they want. This is something I often see in Bella in the books especially.

12. More quiet/ reserved and socially withdrawn and awkward: this is basically self explanatory. Bella is very well known for this. I touch a bit more on this in point 3.

If you made it this far then thank you so much! This took a long ass time to write and I’ve been thinking of making this post for months. There are more things that make me headcanon her as autistic, but these are just from the top of my head. When I re-read the series (for like the 100th time lol) later this year, I’ll annotate the book so that I can update this post in the future with more supporting this).

Again this is just my opinion and my personal headcanon, it is not factual (but I’d obviously want it to be canon) so please no hate :)

If you have any more things to add on then please do!! I’d love to hear your thoughts!

[maisietheweltoncow]

ADHD Neil Headcanons

Has a hyperfixation on theatre.

If you change your tone even slightly, you can see him start to get upset.

It looks as if he's got great coping mechanisms, but he's actually really good at masking.

Gets really burnt out on a night and so everyone knows not to disturb him, especially after dps meetings.

Will cuddle with Todd when he's burnt out.

Has a wall of sticky notes to remind him to do everything.

Needs routine otherwise he gets quite anxious, so the poets all know to tell him exactly what's happening in the day and where they will all be at certain times.

Never remembers what's for dinner, no matter how many times he's told.

Gets really loud when he's excited, especially in Keating's classes. (Same with Charlie)

He'll randomly shout a line from a poem or a play relating to what you just said.

Doesn't go non verbal very often but it has happened.

He learnt sign language for when Todd goes non verbal because of his autism.

Cameron actually had healthy coping mechanisms for some of his autism symptoms, so he helps Neil study because he knows how to break the work down so it's not overwhelming.

They all have a collection of fidget toys. (Charlie and Todd have the biggest collections, and they've made it a competition as to who has the better collection.

They all get extra time, so in exams they're all sat in the same room which is actually really helpful because it means they can give each other little thumbs up and smiles. (Yes my friends do this for me, it's very nice to know someone is checking up on you)

Thank you for reading!

@neil-perry-is-alive @freckledcameron @aedan-mills @academic-on-a-midnight-dreary

Here is my other post about Charlie with ADHD if you haven't already seen it <3

[sweetandsavageautistic]

(CW: Autism Martyr Parent, hell mention, self-harm mention)

So I was searching for if people’d go to hell for being autistic because I was going to a church fall festival (I asked the pastor if I’d go to hell for being autistic and he said no, so there’s that) and I came across this:

https://faithmummy.wordpress.com/2017/10/15/i-dont-want-to-be-an-autism-parent-anymore/

*big-ass inhale of frustration.*

Okay.....let’s take this in bits.

“*Preface: have you ever felt overwhelmed with life? I have. Of course I love my son with all my heart, I should never need to even justify that, but living with a child with severe autism is hard. I do not need threats made to my life or my child’s because I find some days hard. Comments like that will not be approved.

And for the record I don’t always feel like this but I am human and some days this is exactly how it is. *”

Okay, that’s understandable. You’re allowed to voice that it’s difficult. You’re allowed to feel overwhelmed. That’s valid. If the post continued like this, I’d be fine with it, but she calls herself an Autism Parent, so.....brace yourselves.

“The day started far too early. There was no sweet cuddles in bed or a little voice asking for a drink; no I was woken as usual by screaming. I have had day after day, month after month, year after year of being woken by screaming and I don’t want that anymore.“

That’s also valid, but at the same time, he’s trying to communicate with you. He’s trying to communicate his needs. He might not have any other method of communication, whether it’s the only way he knows how to communicate or that he lacks the proper tools to communicate. 

“I don’t want to wake up to a smell that would make you want to vomit and bedding that is fit for the bin more than the washing machine, because yet again it is covered in something that ought not to be seen by anyone else. I am so tired of that now.“

That just is how it is sometimes. You gotta deal with that. 

“I don’t want to sit on my couch in the middle of the night looking at my child and wondering what I did to have a child who sees no point in sleeping, who at 8 still can’t say ‘mama’ and who still thinks the world revolves around his needs only.”

This is where I get pissed. You’re basically saying that your son is a punishment for you. You’re calling him a burden. But it’s the last bit that boils my blood. 

“who still thinks the world revolves around his needs only.”

This is where I say “Fuck. You.” You’re making him sound selfish. Us autistic people generally have trouble communicating our needs because neurotypicals don’t seem to fucking listen. You’re making it sound like he’s arrogant and a narcissist. If you’re looking for that, look in a fucking mirror.

“I love him more than words could ever convey but I don’t want to be an autism mum anymore.”

You love him and yet you just said you wonder what you did to have a child like him? That shit doesn’t add up. 

“I want to be a mum who has fun with her child rather than doing therapy with them.

“I want to walk my son to school and talk to his friends instead of sending him in a taxi to a place where I am a stranger to them.

“I want to be able to talk to my child about the fact it is his birthday soon and discuss what he would like to do to mark that day.

“I want to be someone who takes my child to bowling, teaches them to ride a bike or even goes to the movies with them. Instead the only place I ever take him to is hospitals or respite.”

This one’s a double-edged sword. On one hand, yeah, your child having to miss out on those things sucks. On the other hand, the subtext is indicating that this is about YOU, not your child. 

“I am tired of missing out on everything. I am tired of never having party invites, knowing nothing about his day at school, having to still dress him, having to take adult nappies and wipes with me wherever I go.“

No, you’re tired of not being able to live vicariously through him, as shown by you saying YOU are tired of missing out on everything. 

“I don’t want to be an autism parent anymore.

“I am tired of holding my child as he screams in public again.

“I am tired of the never ending judgement, the stares and the horrid comments.

“I am am tired of carrying around my broken heart as a result of the interventions and therapies having achieved nothing.

“I simply can not bear the thought of my child as an adult knowing what society is like.

“I am tired of meetings.

“I am tired of phone calls from his school.

“I am tired of fighting for everything but then being accused as having an attitude or people thinking I act like I am entitled.”

Have you ever considered WHY he���s screaming in public? Have you ever considered that he’s trying to communicate or that he’s overwhelmed?

“I don’t want my child to have autism anymore. This is not a ‘different way of seeing the world’ that he has, or ‘a wonderful gift’. This is a child about to be 9 years old who can not say ‘mum’ or use a bathroom himself. This is a child almost my height who still can’t put his own clothes on, brush his own teeth or dry himself after a bath. This is a child who can never ever be left alone, who has to have everything the same all the time, who self harms and wanders. This is a child still with the mind of a toddler who will require others to look after him his entire life.“

EXCUSE ME? THE MIND OF A TODDLER? I don’t think he does. You said he needs to have everything the same all the time. He doesn’t have control over most of his life, so having that sense of stability and routine is likely comforting to him. I feel like in the back of his mind, he knows that. Also you can’t wish away his autism. 

“Who would want that for their child?

“Who would want that as a parent?

“Today I don’t want to be an autism parent any more.

“The problem is I have no choice.”

MARTYR COMPLEX ALERT! MARTYR COMPLEX ALERT!

“So I strip that bed, bath that child, cook him that breakfast as I always do and let him sit on my knee while he rewinds the same ten seconds of video on you tube he did yesterday and the day before that and the day before that.“

Bath THAT child. “That child” has the same energy as “That thing.”

“Nothing changes much in my house, except my feelings. 

“Today I am tired. I don’t want to be an autism parent today the same way any other parent may feel about not wanting to be the mum of a toddler who tantrums daily or a baby who has reflux or the partner to someone with Alzheimer’s. We all have days when we are just down about the life we have.”

Um, no. You don’t want to be an autism parent because it’s hard on you. You’re not thinking about your son. If you don’t want to be around someone because you only focus on how their disability makes things difficult for you and not taking their struggles into consideration, they deserve better. 

“Yet we carry on. We dust ourselves down, search for some positives or listen to some music.

“Tomorrow is a new day. It will probably start off with screaming again too., but maybe tomorrow I will be stronger, more hopeful, more upbeat.

“Maybe tomorrow I will want to be the autism parent I need to be. 

“Maybe tomorrow.”

So you just spent 90% of the blog post crying about how hard your life is because you see your child as a burden, and then you say “we carry on”? Are you for real?

This blog post is disgusting. It has one and a half valid points: the preface and that double-edged sword I mention. But that only makes up like 10% of the whole post. The other 90% is them creating a sob story to get pity and sympathy. They’re making themself out to be a victim. 

Here’s a hot take: if you’re not willing to love your child because of something out of their control, like a disability or their sexual orientation or their gender identity, you shouldn’t become a parent. You can’t go into parenthood expecting the ideal family life. You can feel frustrated about the obstacles you face. That’s valid. But DO NOT demonize your child and/or make them out to be a burden.

[menlove]

Hi! This might be a bit of a weird question (feel free to ignore it if you want) but that one post you made about deviations from routine and autism crossed my dash today, and it was oddly relatable to me. Many autistic behaviours are relatable to me, because they are oftentimes shared with adhd, but this one struck a chord, and I had a very specific question about it. I tried to look it up online first because I didn't want to bother someone with something so silly, but I couldn't find a satisfactory answer, so here I am...

More specifically, I wanted to know what someone in the autistic spectrum might feel when someone else decides for them to change their pre-planned routine. I can find a lot of sites talking about how the person in question would be upset or distressed, but they never quite dwell on what that is like from the autistic perspective, only from the point of view of the person who has to 'deal with' that distress and how to best do it.

My question, then, is this: from your experience (I would also be interested in the experience of other autistic people, it doesn't have to be yours in particular if you don't feel comfortable speaking about it), how do you feel when someone decides for you to change your routine?

The media usually portrays autistic people that deviate from their routine being extremely upset, screaming or crying, or stemming sometimes, but I know that most portrayals of autistic people are bullshit and can even infantilize them and show them 'throwing temper tantrums' like a toddler, so...

Is it more like extreme annoyance because now things won't be 'how they should be'? Like you had this mental schedule that you spent the previous day, or even days before, crafting in your head and suddenly this ass feels entitled to your schedule and didn't even tell you beforehand that there was going to be a change of plans, even though they should have, because if an activity involves you then it is rude not to tell you that it's going to happen until the last minute. And now you have to change your plans, but the schedule doesn't fit well enough and you either need to take something out of it or eliminate some of the 'buffer time' between activities that you absolutely need to prepare mentally for the next activitiy. So now you're stressed, and that stress translates as tears of frustration, or even lashing out in anger at other people, and it feels even worse because you can't control it, or you might not even notice that you're 'over reacting' until later when you're more calm.

When I say schedule and activities, I don't mean anything too important, it can be little things like 'ok tomorrow morning I'm going to clean, then take a shower and then study until lunch'. But then suddenly that morning someone tells you that you have to walk the dog, and that might not even take you an hour, but it disrupts the schedule and it feels idk how to describe it, extremely rude or even intrusive??

Again, feel free to ignore this question completely if you don't want to answer it, I understand that I'm not entitled to your personal experiences or anything. Or, alternatively, if you don't want to answer because it's too personal, but you know where I could find more information on this, that would be lovely as well.

you're all good! I don't think it's a weird question at all and I don't mind answering 💖

it always feels very frustrating and overwhelming and honestly panic inducing? like physically my chest feels tight and it's harder to breathe and I'm just more irritable. when I was younger that would translate to tears and yelling or "throwing fits" but I got in trouble enough times for that that now I just get really irritable and want to hide away by myself. sometimes it can result in tears if the frustration has built up enough but usually for me it's very internal. that's not the case for everyone though bc some people didn't get it punished out of them as kids or they don't internalize it even if they did get punished.

but yeah you're absolutely right! it feels very rude or intrusive (for me that depends on what it is, sometimes it feels rude if I feel it's something they should've asked me about first but if it's just unavoidable I just get frustrated with no target) and it's just a whole spiral even if it's small.

[depressed--carrot]

Peridot is the first character I’ve ever been able to relate to on a personal level and here’s why...

I’m autistic. I’m a 20 year old female with Asperger’s and never in my life have I been able to relate to character as well as Peridot. Every character I’ve seen in media prior to Peridot that could be considered autisitc has either been an incredibly inaccurate depiction or...well...male! 

Although it’s not specifically stated whether or not Peridot is autistic, I believe that Rebecca Sugar has mentioned in the past that she’s glad people in the autistic community can relate to the character. I’m going to list some reasons below as to why I believe people in the community can relate to Peridot. I want to say that she’s obviously an alien (lmao) so I’m just stating all of the things that I see as autistic traits in her character. Everyone on the spectrum experiences different autistic traits, these are just a few I believe that Peridot exhibits. 

1. Social interaction and communication.

Peridot struggles a lot with her communication throughout the series. Now, this doesn’t mean that she isn’t well spoken because she is! It’s more or less regarding how she communicates with others. Her phrasing is INCREDIBLY literal, she has a lack of understanding of jokes and sarcasm. Peridot comes across as insensitive a lot of the time. As an example, in 'Too Far’ Amethyst encourages her to say mean things about people, laughing whenever she does. Peridot takes this as what she’s saying is making Amethyst like her, but in reality, she’s hurting people and not realising. It’s very much the idea that you speak your mind without thinking, only realising later that what you’ve said may have offended someone. This can be seen as a lack of empathy by others. Something I, unfortunately, experience a lot in my own life.

Peridot tends to speak in a monotone voice, then not knowing how to control her voice usually ends up shouting when emotionally provoked. She can also sometimes speak too fast. I also have to mention that Peridot has a fantastic vocabulary, which I admire greatly. 

Peridot often struggles with emotions. Unable to understand other people’s emotions, she often uses her tape recorder to express how she’s feeling. Of course, this is done pretty awkwardly - but she tries her hardest to relate to how other people feel.

2. Special Interests

A special interest is a hyper-focused interest that autistic people have. This could pretty much be anything, for me (currently), it’s Steven Universe. For Peridot - it’s Camp Pining Hearts! Special interests are much different from hobbies and can change frequently or very rarely. It’s something that you think about every second of the day, something you have to know everything about - your warm blanket. It can become a comfort to you and in Peridot’s case it seems as if CPH’s becomes that interest. She’s obsessive over the show, wants to know everything about it, wants to watch all the episodes repeatedly and even tends to relate real life situations back to the characters so she can grasp a better understanding of people’s emotions. She even manages to convince Lapis to watch the show with her - probably because she kept info-dumping CPH lore and Lapis had no idea what she was talking about. Sounds like a familiar situation with me and my poor mother who I’ve made sit through episodes of SU so she knows what I’m talking about lmao. Bottom line = special interests make us very very happy! 

3. Change of Routine & Comforts

Let’s be honest, Peridot was out of her depth getting stranded on Earth. Poor thing, but what made that worse? Steven and the Gems took away her comforts! People with autism tend to get quite attached to certain items that bring us comfort and you can see this a lot throughout the series. Peridot’s limb enhancers, the tape recorder, the barn (!) and her tablet etc. 

What happens to Peridot when people mess with her stuff? When people take away the things that bring her that comfort? FREAKOUT. She’s overwhelmed with emotion and usually has a meltdown after these things have been taken away and the norm is no longer the norm. We can see this when Lapis takes the barn away, Peridot falls into a deep pit of depression - routine has been broken and the place she called home has been ripped away so suddenly. She cannot adapt quick enough to the change. 

4. Coordination

Okay so, Peridot is incredibly prone to being clumsy. She’s probably the one character who has just straight up fallen on their face the most. Well, I think it may be because her co-ordination isn’t exactly...great. A condition called Dyspraxia is pretty common amongst people with autism which can make us a little bit clumsier than usual and can effect both our gross and fine motor skills. It can mean we struggle with spacial awareness, we tend to bump into things a lot and well, like Peridot - can often fall over. It also covers the basis of fine motor skills such as handwriting etc. 

5. Physical Contact

Peridot’s not exactly one for physical contact...now don’t get me wrong, she seems to like a good hug - but unlike the other Gems she tends to avoid touch. Not only that, but it’s been confirmed that she’s aro/ace which means that she’s not exactly one for anything...physical. As someone who is aromantic, her character once again relates heavily to me. She’s a star. 

6. Stimming and MELTDOWNS!

Peri is a stimmer! She flaps, claps, spins, jumps, stomps - you name it and she’s doing it. She even did the raptor hands that one time lmao! Autistic people usually use repetitive behaviours like clapping or flapping to help keep themselves calm.

In terms of meltdowns well...Peridot has a habit of spiralling off into a rant and rage. She’s an incredibly angry little bean and the anger usually stems from her frustration of not being able to express her emotions correctly. This sucks and I know exaclty how she feels. 

Now, I’m by no means an expert and there’s a load of other things I’ve spotted with Peridot that I relate to and I’m sure others do too, but these were just my observations. If I continued with this, I really would be here all night!

I am just so happy to have someone like Peridot in the media when the only other ‘representation’ we get is characters like Sheldon Cooper *SHUDDERS*. It’s so nice to be able to relate to a character who is accurately depicted and doesn’t make you feel like garbage. She’s a character with amazing development and I’m so glad that Steven Universe shows an autistic coded ‘female’ in such a strong role. 

I love you Peridot. Thanks for making me feel seen when everyone else made me believe I was invisible. 

[wallwriterstuff]

Am I allowed to place in a request for Mr svelte tracker boi Demetri? I need my greek boi fix. 😅😂 My stimming (due to my slight autism and anxiety) has been kinda bad lately and I was wondering if you could do some headcanons on how he would be with a reader who has that going on? (For example, some of my stimming signs are restless, uncontrollable finger twitches sometimes, and sudden limb movements and facial twitches I can't control 😅) Thanks! Also, sorry if this is too touchy a subject!🙈

You most certainly are allowed and I cannot express how hard I fangirled when I realised it was you in my ask box. I played it very cool but just know I was dying inside from the moment I saw your username come up XD 

TW: Mentions of anxiety and sensory overload. If that’s a little personal to you please be cautious about reading this one!

I’m incapable of writing short things it seems so it’s another long one.

Self-stimulating behaviour, known more commonly as stimming, usually involves repetitive movements and/or sounds. Though it is most often associated with autism (I know when I first saw the word stimming that was where my mind immediately went to) everybody stims in some way, shape or form to relieve stress, tension, anxiety, boredom etc. Some ways are less noticeable than others such as nail biting or finger tapping, while others can be more obvious and disruptive to your social/daily life like licking certain objects or scratching at skin.

I learned all this from doing a bit of reading before taking on this request and if you want to know more then the link to the article I read is right -----> HERE <------ ! It’s informed my ideas for this headcanon request and though I’m open to discussions about the topic to help educate myself and anyone else who wishes to learn more, what I will not tolerate is any sort of hate or discrimination based on the links to developmental disorders and mental illness that stimming has. This blog has and always will be a safe space for anyone and everyone and a little respect for one another will help keep it that way. Be kind folks!

So without further ado, how would Demetri react to you stimming I wonder?

Part 1: Headcanons below the Keep Reading Line Part 2: Teeth (fic) Part 3: Control (fic) 

·         He honestly wouldn’t really notice for a while because, well, humans aren’t exactly designed to be as flawless as vampires

·         Impromptu nosebleeds, migraines, sneezes…they’re just glitches in a faulty system so why is the way your leg just bounced up off of the floor while your sitting any different to those other equally as involuntary things

·         He’s struggling right now to, after all he just met his very human mate and it’s quite overwhelming for him to have to adapt to all these new feelings and situations he finds himself in, but he deals because he can

·         Some days, you just…can’t

·         Getting attacked by a man with some bizarre fascination with your neck is bad enough but being whisked away by strangers is somehow even worse. At least in the first scenario once it’s over it’s over, now you’re just living an anxious person’s nightmare in a new place full of new people

·         Volterra was beautiful, but it wasn’t home. No cosy apartment, no neighbours cat to feed, no monotonous shifts at work…

·         Actually, most of the time you’re left utterly alone to navigate an unfamiliar castle, and the times you aren’t alone is when there’s a man claiming to be your eternal lover in front of you

·         Try to convince me this man doesn’t rip the band aid off and profess his love for you with dramatic flair just TRY

·         Your days are filled with endless boredom where you’re doing nothing at all until someone checks on you, and then fight or flight kicks in because oh HELLO Mr Vampire guard are you here to give me lunch or kill me?

 ·         Demetri had thought that perhaps you were okay with that, since you hadn’t really outwardly reacted beyond the way your cheek twitched up into a smirk once or twice as he spoke. Hell, you’d even winked at him…right?

·         You did that a lot so he really genuinely thought that maybe you were just trying to flirt with him, build a relationship with him. Your constant little winks and the way your fingers twitched when he was nearby, like you so desperately wanted to reach out to him…

·         It took a few weeks before he realised how wrong he was

·         You’d reached for a sip of water and your arm had just whipped outward from your body

          + You’d absolutely drenched him with your entire glass of water and could only stare in abject horror wondering what the supposed vampire would do next, since you’d interrupted him rather smugly detailing his plans for your first date

·         Silence

·         There was just silence

·         It only made your anxiety worse and the muscles in your face just spasmed without your permission and - god did you just smirk at him again, oh no        

         + “I’m glad one of us finds this amusing. If you did not like the idea there were other ways to tell me so.”

 ·         You almost want to cry from sheer embarrassment at this point because the date really had sounded like it could be fun and now you’d just straight up thrown water in his face like he’d insulted you in the worst way imaginable

·         So you come clean and tell him about your stimming

·         He’s really worried at first because autism? Anxiety he’s heard of but autism sounds very dangerous, are you dying? You’re probably dying. He’s going to lose his mate –

·         Another involuntary finger twitch from you forces him to calm down because your anxious enough without his worrying on top, so he kind of brushes it off and makes no big deal out of it

·         Squeezes your hand and kisses your forehead to try and reassure you all is forgiven, even if he does have to go change a very expensive looking designer shirt and god you’re so sorry

·         Of course, that kind of makes it worse for you because anxiety brain is activated and your 99.9999% sure he’s actually furious with you still and has only pretended to forget it while he’s plotting his revenge

·         You see him late at night when you struggle to fall and stay asleep, reading in the low lamplight at his desk across the room, his laptop propped open and a notebook before him but you’re too scared still to ask what it is he’s reading so intently (probably good suggestions on places to bury your body welp)

·         It’s a complete surprise to you therefore when he does take you out on that date he promised you not two weeks later

 ·         He’s chosen a nice overcast day so he’s in the least conspicuous clothing he owns

            + Demetri’s least conspicuous clothes still consist of the most chic and expensive brands you know of and he sticks out like a sore thumb amongst the quaint little market stalls he’s brought you to see

·         Despite the gloomy weather the people of Volterra are out in full force though, swarming the market stalls and chattering and laughing as flashes of gold and silver from jewelry hit your eyes, bright coloured fabrics following

·         It’s all just too much

·         There’s people everywhere and so much noise, so many colours and lights and people brushing past you…

·         Your fingers clench tight around his, his hand immersed in a glove to keep his freezing skin from chilling you too much

·         He squeezes back lightly, eyes shifting to glance down at you with the kindest smile on his lips

         + “Keep squeezing my hand whilst we find somewhere quieter to stand.”

·         Your fingers seemed to take turns pressing into his rock solid skin, an odd sort of comfort coming from the fact you know you can press down hard and he won’t so much as register the sensation, and Demetri squeezes back, just firm enough he knows you can feel the pressure of his palm on yours

·         He takes you to a quiet little side road where the noise is much more faded and there is so much free space around you you feel like you can finally breathe again

·         He still hasn’t stopped squeezing your hand, taking turns with you as you take some steady breaths and try to focus your senses a bit, one thing you can feel, two things you can see, three you can smell...

 ·         “I hope you can forgive me, I did not expect the market to be so busy today with the weather like this.”

·         His apology takes you completely by surprise because how would he even know you struggled with crowds? You barely know each other?

·         Seeing your surprise Demetri rather sheepishly admits as to what exactly he’s been reading all those nights you’ve seen him at his desk, and you’re a little overwhelmed to realise he’s been reading about you

·         Medical journals, mummyblogs, charity websites and more, if it had any information about autism and stimming he’s browsed through it and taken copious amounts of notes, observing you religiously to see what might be relevant to you and how he can help ·         +  “I read somewhere you self-stimulate to calm yourself when you are anxious or your senses feel overwhelmed, is that what happened?”                                    “Well, yes, actually, I…I…”

            “And did it help? Taking you away from the source of stress and letting you squeeze my hand like that?”

·         It had actually, you felt much calmer and Demetri’s obvious acceptance and willingness to help you manage your stimming and anxiety today were one of the first little moments you fell in love with him, looking back on it 

·         He didn’t stop there either. Together you sat down and made a list of all the things that you found most often triggered your stimming, and all of the things that brought you joy so he could figure out things to avoid and things you might like for your future dates

·         Within hours of arriving home you’d gotten a whole new daily routine set up so you weren’t left to languish and wonder what was going to happen next

·         Three days later an express shipment of your favourite smelling scented candles arrived alongside a Bluetooth speaker, supplies Demetri insisted were necessary for nice calming baths on the days your anxiety was playing up

·         He started doing mindfulness practices with you in the evenings

·         He never touched the volume controls for his laptop, speaker or TV, leaving it to you to control the volume so you could set it to a level you were comfortable with, and he religiously policed the noise on his floor to           + “Where are you going? The movie just started…”                                                    “To tell Felix to turn his music down.”               “You’re vampiring again Metri, I can’t even hear that.”

·         When he signed you up for Yoga and meditation classes at a centre in town you drew the line and told him he was going overboard, but bless him he had tried

·         Overall he’s a solid 15/10 for effort, even if some ideas are still experimental - you’re enjoying the deep pressure massages a lot though – and he sometimes goes a bit mother-hen trying to get you out of situations he thinks you’ll struggle with, when actually you’re coping just fine today

·         You love him dearly for it

[painted-crow]

Secondary Toast Revolving Door, Part 1

I guess I should start with a little about me, since that’s easier than making you pick through previous asks for information and some of you guys are new here. This one’s going to be heavily personal, so you can skip it if you want.

I’m a double Bird. My Bird primary system is heavily Badger influenced, and I also use Lion to support it by telling me when I should investigate something more closely. If we can dip into primary territory for a moment, I guess you can say I understand the world through systems that model things around me. But not all of those systems are things I’ve consciously examined, or fully investigated.

My understanding of how historical people dressed is pretty limited, for example, because I haven’t studied it in depth to get all the information—but I consciously understand what I do know about it. You could say this system piece is tiny but clear; I could expand it if I chose to find out more.

My understanding of how someone I’m not close to thinks might have more data to work with, but I haven’t consciously processed it; that’s the kind of thing where my Lion primary model will tell me to look closer if that person starts acting weird. This system piece might be described as huge but fuzzy; I could clarify it if I sat down and thought about it. I probably have more of these than I realize, but Lion basically takes care of monitoring those. I don’t have to investigate everything.

But some of my systems are both large and fairly clear, because I’ve taken the time both to gather data on them and to examine it. My understanding of myself is… well, I won’t say it’s terribly clear, because I’m in my early twenties and I’m still constantly getting new information, plus someone keeps changing the environment and mucking with my data (that would be me). But I have to examine it, because my brain is like a notoriously buggy piece of software and I’m the poor schmuck saddled with tech support duties.

Basically, the reason I’m good at playing therapist with other people is that I’m constantly doing exactly that thing with myself. (This probably makes me a very annoying patient for actual therapists.)

About that buggy brain, then.

I have major depression. That was professionally diagnosed when I was a teenager and it’s probably genetic. I take medication for it, when I remember to. It especially flares up in the winter or when I’m under stress. I probably have some kind of anxiety disorder too.

I’m almost certainly autistic, which I’ve never brought up with a professional—the first person to figure it out was the system I’m now best friends with, because they’re autistic and they knew I was within two weeks of talking to me. It took me two years to catch up with them and figure it out myself.

In my defense, I thought executive dysfunction, sensory overwhelm, dissociation, and hyperempathy were like… secret menu items for depression, because those only really bug me during depressive episodes. My current theory is that they’re related to autistic burnout instead.

I mask a lot, subconsciously—it’s actually really hard to turn that off normally—and I just can’t do that as much when depressed. If I do, my tolerance for everything else goes way down and I’ll go into overwhelm and start having shutdowns and dissociating. I recover pretty quickly (hours, not days), but if you’ve never spent 15 minutes standing in a Walmart aisle trying to decide whether you want a jar of peanut butter, but you can’t make decisions because you can’t access your emotions and you don’t really feel like you’re “here” but you kind of just want to go home… well, be glad I guess.

Of course, I have other autistic traits that show up when I’m not under stress, but they’re seldom associated with autism because most people don’t know what autis are like when we’re actually happy. Like, hyperlexia? That’s not even an “official” word, the auti community just uses it because “official” literature hasn’t caught up. I taught myself to read at age three (according to my mom; she says I was reading news headlines and stuff, not just books I’d memorized) and wrote a 35k word novella when I was ten, with no external prompting. My audio processing used to be terrible, but I routinely tested at college age reading levels as a kid.

I also might have ADHD? If so, it’s also mostly just noticeable if I’m under stress, and then it’s hard to tell if that’s the issue or if it’s just autism/depression again.

You might be getting a clearer picture of how my secondary and its model end up burnt so often!

(Resisting a very strong urge to cut stuff from this post.)

In short, I was a Gifted Kid. I spent a lot of my teen years biting off more than I could chew, honestly. I felt that I should be able to do more, and I wanted to be taken seriously, but I had basically no idea how to take care of myself because my needs are different from everyone else’s. I’m still figuring those out.

I’m kind of like an orchid plant: incredibly picky about conditions, wants a different “soil” and watering schedule, gets stressed if stuff changes too quickly, but when everything is just right and it does bloom, it goes all out.

I’m not kidding when I say that I have odd needs. One of them is the need for creative work, which seems to be hardwired into me. When I say that art or writing keeps me sane, I often hear back “oh yeah! I’ve heard that can be very therapeutic,” which is an innocuous reply, but it’s always bugged me, and I think I’ve figured out why.

First, because that’s not the reason I make things… I just… have to. Second, I can’t “make up” not doing creative work with some other kind of therapy. Third and most importantly, I’d much rather think of “artist” as my ground state, and depression as a condition that happens when my needs aren’t being met, rather than thinking of depression as the default that I’m just using art to escape from. That seems to me a healthier way of thinking, and probably a more accurate one, but I’m probably the only one who can see that distinction.

If life gets in the way and I can’t make space for creative work, it will actively make my depression worse. I know this because, multiple times, I’ve been unable to pinpoint why I’m feeling shitty, and then I go back to my easel or my writing or (ukulele, cooking, even just taking care of houseplants) and realize I haven’t done anything creative in like a month and thaaaat’s the problem.

I crack open a bottle of gesso to prep some canvases and it smells like… well, I don’t think you can get high off gesso? But it’s not like when you’re out of it on painkillers or cold medicine or whatever. It’s incredibly grounding, like the world snaps back into focus but it’s also oddly euphoric. Or I write ten thousand words in a couple days and it just… I don’t know what that does. I’ve never run across a word for it.

The writer of Smile at Strangers (a really good memoir centered around women, anxiety, and karate) describes a similar feeling in relation to her martial arts practice.

It’s also a bit like when all the snow melts after winter and you step outside and there’s the smell of wet soil under sunlight and I’m not sure if this fully translates for people who don’t have seasonal depression. Sorry.

Dammit, I want to paint… I haven’t had space to set up for like eight months. I’ve been nose-deep in writing projects since last summer for a reason, but right now my friggin Ravenclaw secondary is off angsting about something because of Life Stress Bullshit, and I don’t have the focus to work on any of my writing projects. Apart from this one. But it’s not really what I want in terms of creative work.

*velociraptor screech*

Oh, yeah. I guess I could mention this is why my nickname is Paint. Not sure if that was obvious before. The header image (which is more visible in the app for some reason) is one of my paintings. It’s a tiny one and it’s not one of my favorites, but I had the photo on my phone and the colors work well enough for what I needed.

(restrains self from negging my own painting ability)

This is starting to get into spoiler territory for what burned Ravenclaw secondary looks like, huh? It’s peaced out for a couple weeks at this point. I’m trying to write about what made it take off, but my ability to think of words and form a coherent sentence kinda flew out the window when I approached it directly.

Let’s just say that around the start of the month, someone I was talking to online (if you’re reading this, it’s definitely not you) kindaaaa hit a nasty depression trigger of mine. Not their fault—it’s very specific to me, and I struggle to explain why I can’t really talk about it. Basically, I spent years studying programming and web design, and due to several different but related issues during that experience, it’s now a trigger for me. I very much want it not to be, but trying to train that out of myself has induced more than one panic attack and I’m stuck between giving up on it or figuring out a way to go back to it that doesn’t totally shut my brain down.

That paragraph took forever to write, by the way.

I think I have to end this here. I… am going to go take out the trash, and water my plants, and make my bed, and file some paperwork, and maybe I’ll even mix up some bread dough or do some laundry. Spoiler alert for what it looks like when my Hufflepuff model takes over, I guess.

Oh. And I should maybe probably eat something. I almost forgot about that... again.

[autisticsidesau]

I just wanted to say that as an autistic person, I've really enjoyed reading through this blog, and getting to see one of my special interests (sanders sides) shown as autistic characters made me really happy, I stimmed a whole bunch while I was reading!!!! also, if its okay, can we see more of Logan and Virgil's friendship???

Aww ty!! ts sides is also a big special interest of mine, and autism is awesome so hell yeah. Super glad you’re enjoying it. And hell yeah!! Stim!! ~Remiel

I’m glad you like this blog and it made you happy stim!!! TS sides is my main Special Interest (some side ones are Try Guys, fashion history, and neuroscience) and I personally love seeing autism rep in the fandom too!! It’s cool to see characters like me!! -Max

TW: meltdown, losing a comfort item temporarily, routine change

So The Whole Gang decides to go to an outdoor mall one day as a group

They prefer the outdoor mall because it has more space and the open area means sounds and smells aren’t as trapped so it’s generally less overwhelming

Throughout the day they end up in smaller groups

And eventually Virgil and Logan are left as a pair wandering through different sections of the mall and generally being stupid teenagers just enjoying life

(Virgil wanted to stay in Hot Topic and Logan wasn’t opposed and that’s how they got separated from everybody else)

Eventually they get the text from Roman that everyone’s gonna regroup at the front of the mall

As they walk to the front of the mall, Virgil realizes, somethings is very very wrong

But they don't know what 

So Logan goes grabs his tablet and pulls up virgil’s checklist and they run through it

(Virgil’s checklist is essentially: when was the last time you: ate, drank, used the bathroom? Are you overwhelmed? Is it too loud, bright, smelly, etc? Do you have everything you need? 

And it’s when they get to this last point that it clicks

Virgil doesn’t have their hoodie

Which immediately causes them to Panic Big Time

Logan helps to calm Virgil down saying they didn’t go many places it’s probably in one of the few stores they went to

Logan leads Virgil through some breathing exercises and has Virgil wear their headphones b/c they get overwhelmed easier when they’re anxious 

So they go through all the stores and Logan uses his tablet to ask the store workers if they’ve seen Virgil’s jacket and shows them a photo

After searching all the stores they went to, Virgil and Logan decide to meet up with the rest of the group who is now Concerned b/c Virgil and Logan are late and have not responded to any texts or calls

Eventually they walk up to the rest of the group and Dee turns to see his brother shaking and crying and bordering on a meltdown with headphones and no jacket???

And Dee immediately rushes to comfort his brother and then tells the rest of the group to go without them and that their moms are gonna come pick them up 

Logan gives Dee Virgil’s backpack as Dee calls their moms

So everyone leaves and Dee and Virgil get picked up

Virgil’s pretty unresponsive for the evening and goes to bed really early that night

It’s the next morning when everything really comes crashing down

Virgil gets up and starts their morning routine

Shower. Dressed. Grab breakfast. Brush teeth. Grab backpack. Grab jacket. Go to school.

Wait where’s their jacket?

And now Virgil remembers and this isn’t okay because this is their comfort object it makes them feel safe and it’s part of their routine and now it’s lost

It’s lost

And Virgil‘s trying to hold it together. They’re trying

But this is their comfort object and they might never ever see it again

It’s no wonder they have a meltdown

And Oh Boy it is a really bad meltdown

And because it’s a really bad meltdown it’s a very draining meltdown 

And Virgil is in no shape to go to school

Dee wanted to stay and help for as long as possible but eventually he and Janet had to leave while Lindsey stayed with Virgil for a bit 

Being a lawyer she has a lot more schedule flexibility and is able to stay home with her kid 

They spend the day in the sensory room together, Lindsey works on paperwork while Virgil watches movies and is nonverbal the whole day

Eventually they feel well enough to text their friends that they’re ok they just had a really bad meltdown and couldn’t go to school

Logan responds offering to come over and help Virgil with their homework

Virgil shows the text to his mom and Lindsey allows it 

So Logan comes over and hangs out with Virgil and helps them with homework 

Logan comes into the sensory room to find Virgil in a weighted blanket burrito with their mom on her laptop next to them

Logan settles down next to Virgil and sees Virgil’s spider stuffie which he promptly puts on Virgil’s head because he knows it’s another of Virgil’s comfort items

This gets a happy face and happy hum from Virgil

Virgil starts rocking as Logan explains the math from today

Then Virgil’s phone starts ringing

And the noise of the phone is instantly overwhelming to Virgil

Their rocking turns more frantic but they dig around in the blanket burrito for their phone before practically throwing it at Logan

Logan looks down and recognizes their area code.

Logan: “Do you want me to answer it?”

Virgil nods so Logan turns down the volume slightly and answers it

The person from the other side of the call is someone who works at the mall

And asks if this is “Virgil” and that they have their jacket.

Logan gets the location and information and hangs up

Virgil is very overwhelmed so they’re not listening and processing at all.

Logan tells Virgil and their mom they got their jacket and Virgil is unresponsive

Virgil’s mom lets Virgil know that she’s going to go pick up their jacket and then leaves

Virgil’s still unresponsive so Logan just hangs with them why they wait for their mom

Eventually Dee and and Janet get home and they find that Lindsey’s gone and Logan’s here and Virgil is unresponsive

Logan quickly fills them in whilst Virgil is going to town on their bat chew in the background

Dee joins them in the sensory room and sits down and opens his homework 

He and Logan get distracted and have a discussion about science philosophy quietly

Dee checks on his brother every couple minutes tho 

This gets small slow nods from Virgil 

Who is stimming a lot

Eventually the garage opens and Virgil slams their hands over their ears because L O U D

Dee grabs Virgil’s headphones as quick as possible and puts them on his brothers ears

Soon after, Lindsey slowly and quietly enters the room and hands Virgil their jacket 

Virgil is stimming even harder now and starts crying and making many noises that are good and bad

Eventually they figure out virgil’s having a shutdown

Lindsey quickly grabs Virgil’s PECS board and emotions binder and leaves the room to give her child some space

Because there were a lot of people in that room near Virgil and that was Not Helping

Eventually Virgil comes back around and signs “thank you” over and over again 

They happy stim a lot and shake their head 

And Logan and dee are smiling as virgil tries to put on the jacket whilst happy stimming 

Logan stays for the rest of the afternoon and for dinner 

Around 7 Emile arrives to pick Logan up and Virgil feels well enough to walk logan to the door and when they step outside Virgil quietly says “Thank you”

Logan: “No problem Virgil, i’m glad we were able to find your jacket.”

Virgil hums and flaps their hands as Logan says this 

Virgil: “I’m glad it wasn’t lost. But I meant thanks for staying with me and helping me communicate. To the store clerks and on the phone, i know how frustrating it can be for you.”

Logan: “You’re very welcome. I understand how important comfort items and routine can be. I- I don’t want you to be upset.”

Which is admitting a lot of Logan, because while Logan is a very caring friend, it’s not often he’ll straight admit to caring for others

Virgil: “You’re a really good friend Logan”

Logan takes the compliment, but doesn’t seem to happy about it

Virgil signs “ILY” 

Logan pauses for a moment before signing “Same”

Which is a big deal for Logan

They both flap their hands a bit and Virgil watches logan get into Emile’s car and drive off and waves as logan drives away and doesn’t stop waving until they can’t see the car anymore

[hotchocolatewriting]

Hi! I love your writing so much! I was wondering whether you could write another of your fabulous pieces about an autistic villain who's been rejected by society until a hero learns to help them, if you're comfortable with it? (Please don't think this is in any way hate towards the autistic community, I'm autistic myself but I find it much easier to sympathise with the villain). Thank you in advance, and I hope you have an amazing life!!

Sooo… this was a really hard one for me. A lot of my friends are autistic and I’m autistic myself. I find it really hard to see what makes someone autistic, because I don’t see that they behave different. I wanted to show how autism can be, but because it was so hard to discribe I made villain a little bit stereotype autistic. Not everyone with autism is the same as villain is, there are so many different types of autism! I hope I didn’t make anyone angry by using the stereotype form, because I know it can be a little annoying sometimes. That’s why I’m saying, there are many other types, I only didn’t know how to write someone like me or my friends with autism (because I don’t see the differense). I’m sorry it took me so long to write this, but I hope you still like it! If not, I would like to try again :) (probably gonna try that once, because it would be a really good practice). Enjoy :)

It was the umpteenth time that the guards put villain in the isolation cell. Hero sighed, they had never heard a villain that misbehaved like this. The guards were getting desperate and asked hero to take villain back. To lock them up somewhere else. They didn’t know what to do with a villain that kept fighting, that kept screaming and had tantrums every hour. Besides they refused to do what they had to do. They acted like a child sometimes. Angry, meltdowns and they seemed often confused. Most of the time they wanted to be alone, to lock themselves up in their cell. Sometimes they refused to eat, to come out and do what they had to do.

Hero peeked through the hole in the door. Villain sat on the ground in the corner, completely alone. Their head rested against the wall and their eyes were closed. They seemed quite at peace, but with villain you never knew. One thing needed to go wrong or different and they became really angry for no reason at all.

Hero opened the door and entered the cell. Villain stopped moving their right feet, which they had been moving the whole time hero watched them, but stayed where they were with their eyes still closed. “I’m fine here, you don’t have to take me back to that stupid cell.” Hero raised an eyebrow. Who would like to sit in an empty cell like this? “Didn’t you hear me? You can leave.” Hero didn’t move and villain opened their eyes to look at hero. They didn’t seem to recognise them.

“You don’t get to play the boss in prison, you know that, right villain?” Villain’s eyes flickered with rigorization. They looked away. Hero came closer and crouched down in front of them.“Why are you here again?” Hero asked slowly. Villain shrugged.“I don’t know,” they said.“You don’t know? You attacked a guard, you raged and destroyed prison properties.” “They shouldn’t change everything the whole time. They told me the routines and I followed them, but then that guard said I needed to do something else and I told him that that wasn’t what I was told before and that I needed to do my job and not do something else. And I cleaned the whole cell and suddenly they pulled everything of my desk and bed and threw it on the ground. Or when they said there was diner at six, but I had to wait until seven. That wasn’t the normal routine. And on Mondays there is always extra time outside, but this Monday it was suddenly different. And then there is all that noise everywhere that’s driving me crazy and it’s cold. I just told them what they told me, but that made them angry. The guard said I needed to sleep, but the lights go off at eleven and I can’t sleep with the lights on so I said I wouldn’t sleep and then he became angry with me, but what he said didn’t make sense at all. Nothing here makes sense!” Villain shouted and even with their powers dimmed, hero saw the sparks coming of them.

“Villain calm down.” “I am completely calm,” villain snarled. They still didn’t look at hero. Hero tried to move into their sight, but villain seemed like they were looking just beside hero, like something there was even more interesting.“Villain, look at me.” That wasn’t the right thing to say, because the power around villain became even more aggressive.“No,” villain said. Hero grabbed their cheek to make villain look at them. Villain kept their eyes down, they seemed uncomfortable and hero let them go.

“Villain, please, look at me. It’s hard to talk like this.” The sparks calmed down, but villain still looked at the ground before them instead of at hero. Their face suddenly seemed like they could start to cry at any moment.“I’d rather not do that.” Villain started to play with their shirt. “Am I that ugly?” hero joked. “Did I say that?” villain asked surprised. They kept quiet for a moment. “No, you’re not. It’s just.. I find it hard to look people in the eye. Especially when it’s for a longer time, like in a longer conversation. It just makes me uncomfortable. I don’t really know where to look, or when or how long. That’s also why I don’t remember people by their face most of the time. It’s not like I’m not listening… It’s just harder to listen when I’m forced to look at someone. When it feels like you look at me with laser eyes.” Hero raised an eyebrow. They heard that before, but not from villain.

“Why is it harder to listen when you need to look at me?” Villain laughed scornfully as if they just remembered something.“I tried to look people in the eye when they talked to me, because they became angry with me when I didn’t and I hate it when people are angry with me. But I tried to look one of my teachers in the eye, but it was so hard. She was talking to me, but I couldn’t follow what she was saying, because at the same time I was fighting my own reflexes to look away or at the ground. I narrowed my eyes, so I could still look at her when she was talking, but then she became angry, because I looked at her arrogantly. I didn’t even know I was doing that. I just tried to show her that I was listening.” Hero nodded.

“Can you talk to someone in here? Other prisoners? A guard? Do you have any friends that come to visit?” Villain shook their head, they seemed confused.“What are you doing here hero? Come to the point.” “I want to know why you misbehave so much here.” “I’m not misbehaving! I just don’t know what the guards want, I don’t get it. It isn’t my fault!” The sparks came back around villain. Hero took a little more distance.

“Easy, I’m not saying it’s your fault. I just want to help you.” Villain shook their head.“I heard that before, people always say that. But in the end I’m always alone and hurt. No-one likes me. For some reason I annoy people or they laugh at me. I don’t have any friends, never had one. And no, I haven’t talked to other prisoners, because I don’t want to come out of my cell. The guards forced me, but I’m not good at making friends and I hate small talk. So I just sat alone at a table, waiting for the guards to let me go back.” Villain’s eyes filled with tears. “I don’t know what to do, I’m so tired and I don’t know what they want from me. I just want to be left alone. I don’t want all those people around me.” Hero smiled at them. They could help villain with that. At least they thought.

“There is one thing I didn’t tell you.” Villain’s head peaked up, but they still didn’t look directly at hero. “What?” “The guards asked me to take you back, because they can’t handle you. I can let you stay in my base, give you your own place, a few things to do. A place where things don’t change all the time and I wouldn’t just mess up your room. Would you like that?” “Is it quiet? Can I decide when the lights go off?” Hero nodded. “And if there is anything that is bothering you, just tell me. I know some people can really easily be overwhelmed by stimulus.” Villain smiled and nodded. “Yes, I am. Mostly with noises and touch. How did you know?” “My siblings are just like you. I recognise them in the things you told me. It’s okay, I will help you. So get to your feet, you can come with me.”

[the-casual-reply]

Unmasking: Living with Autism in a Neurotypical World

The following is an original oratory I wrote and performed at my school speech contest! I am very proud of it so I thought I would share. This was written to be performed to a largely NT audience, so don’t be surprised when it assumes that you (the reader) are NT. My main motivation for writing this was raising awareness and partially out of frustration at the societal lack of knowledge about autism. (Fyi it’s like 5 pages long sorry gamers)

My name is Chloe [redacted] and I am autistic. This term is highly stigmatized, and for my entire life I’ve heard it used in mostly negative connotations. It has taken me a long time to even feel comfortable saying that I am autistic because I fear being judged and stereotyped. Today I am here to teach you that autism is not scary nor is it a bad thing, but it can make life difficult in a world made by and for neurotypical people, and I’m here to teach you what you need to know to be an ally and a friend for an autistic person.

When I was diagnosed with autism around a year ago, I was devastated. Everything I thought I knew about myself had suddenly been taken away from me. I felt like all the achievements, experiences, and feelings of my past self were stripped from me, and I didn’t know what to do. So, I decided to do some research. And as I learned more and more, I slowly reclaimed my identity. All these things that had previously confused me were suddenly explained, and as I noticed more and more autistic traits within myself, I learned not to be afraid or ashamed of them, but to embrace them as a part of myself.

Many who are reading this right now may wonder how this applies to you. Many of you probably don’t know an autistic person, or so you think. Here’s why it should matter: about one in sixty people has been diagnosed as autistic. That means, statistically, you interact with an autistic person about every other day, and that’s not considering those who go undiagnosed. That means that every other day, you impact the life of an autistic person, and they impact your life. Many people will hear that and wonder if it truly matters that the person you may be interacting with is autistic.

And I, as an autistic person, am here to tell you that it does matter. Autism affects every single aspect of a person’s life. It affects their sensory needs, their ability to communicate, their problem solving strategies, their performance in school or at work, their social needs, and countless other aspects of their identity. Many people with autism experience high levels of social anxiety due to trends of ostracism or exclusion throughout their lives. Because of this, a seemingly trivial interaction may greatly affect an autistic person in a different way than it would for an allistic (not autistic) person. Every day, autistic people are put into stressful and draining situations, where they often don’t have anyone to help them. So, today I want to help educate more people on what autism is, what it does, and how you can help positively change the life of an autistic person.

The most noticeable difference between allistic and autistic people is that autistic people are much more sensitive to sensory input. A setting that may be normal to an allistic person may be extremely overwhelming to an autistic person. For example, bright or flashing lights, strong scents, overlapping or loud noises, and unpleasant textures or tastes are common sources of uneasiness or distress for us. 

On top of physical overstimulation, many autistic people also struggle with emotional overstimulation. Many autistic people absorb the moods of the people we spend time with due to our hypersensitivity to their feelings, and we experience emotions to a much stronger extent than allistic people usually do.

When an autistic person experiences intense feelings such as happiness or anxiety, they use a coping mechanism called ‘stimming’. Stim is short for ‘self-stimulatory behavior’ and it refers to a repeated motion or action that dispels energy that is being absorbed by the person due to their surroundings. My favorite stims are hand flapping, repeated blinking, contortion of the face, spinning, and repeating verbally satisfying words or sounds. By stimming, I can dispel some of the high levels of energy or strong emotions caused by my surroundings. 

Stimming is essential to the health and wellbeing of autistic people. But it can also be dangerous. Autistic people risk being judged, bullied, ostracized, abused, and even arrested when stimming in public. Because stimming and other signs of overstimulation are similar to signs exhibited by those who are under the influence of drugs or alcohol, it is not uncommon for autistic people to be arrested or harassed by police officers for stimming in public. 

For me, this is alarming. In a world where we pride ourselves on being inclusive and forward-thinking, it is still dangerous to simply be autistic in public. To me, the most important way to make the world safer for people with autism is to spread awareness for their experiences, and for actually autistic people to be the ones sharing their stories. For too long, the stereotype of the autistic person who cannot stand up for themself has been perpetuated and widely accepted. So today I’m challenging that stereotype, and I’m here to tell you some things that autistic people wish more allistic people knew about autism.

Autistic people tend to be very blunt and straightforward regarding their thoughts and feelings. To allistic people, whose interactions are filled with flowery language to avoid being upfront and honest, this is seen as impolite. So, understand that if an autistic person unexpectedly says something frank and direct that comes off as rude, they are likely just honestly saying what they’re thinking, which is what they expect you want to hear.

And to autistic people, the way that allistic people communicate can seem just as nonsensical. It can be hard for us to detect sarcasm, understand non-literal figures of speech, and interpret body language. So, when communicating with autistic people, be mindful of the fact that they may struggle to understand you. If you say something and they don’t understand what you mean right away, don’t become exasperated or treat them like their need for clarification is a burden. Calmly and nonjudgmentally explain what you said, and if they don’t need any further clarification, move on with the conversation as usual. 

On top of this, autistic people struggle to understand implied meanings. So, try to be open about your feelings and intentions. If you want an autistic person to complete a task, you should tell them exactly what you want them to do without excluding anything you think is implied. Especially don’t become frustrated or angry if an autistic person doesn’t infer something that you didn’t explicitly say. Autistic brains form conclusions by looking at little, individual clues and then piecing them together to create a model of what they should do, as opposed to the allistic method of forming a model and then filling in the blanks. This is another prominent difference between allistic and autistic brains.

Autistic people’s brains are wired to rely on routine much more than allistic people due to the way that they analyze situations. Many autistic people rely on routines to find a sense of security within their lives because of how they analyze situations. So, a sudden change in schedule can be very upsetting and anxiety inducing for an autistic person. When planning a get-together or party involving an autistic friend or family member, remember to try to give them extra notice of any changes in plans in order to help reduce any worry they may be feeling.

Because of our processing style, autistic brains require more time to process new requests and instructions than allistic brains. When an autistic person is asked to do something outside of their regular schedule or what they are usually expected to do, it may be hard for them to process at first. So, if you ask an autistic person to do something for you, they may not do it immediately. Do not berate them for this, as this would likely lead to them becoming unnecessarily stressed. Allow them extra time to process your instructions, answer any questions they may have, and be patient.

Another essential thing to understand about autism is sensory overload. As I mentioned earlier, autistic people regularly face negative sensory experiences that can become overwhelming to them. This can lead to them becoming tired and irritable, and it can interfere with their ability to communicate and function normally. When an autistic person becomes so overwhelmed that stimming cannot regulate their sensory input, they may experience a shutdown or meltdown. A shutdown is characterized by minimal or complete lack of speech, extreme sensitivity to touch and sound, inability to move, and seclusion into a space where one can be alone. A meltdown is characterized by a temporary lack of control over one’s behavior resulting in yelling, crying, and physically lashing out. Both of these are the autistic brains reactions to extremely overwhelming circumstances. Autistic people cannot choose to meltdown or shutdown, and in turn, cannot choose to stop a meltdown or shutdown that has already started.

So, it’s important to understand each individual person and what they need from you. Talk to your autistic friend or family member about circumstances that they find to be most upsetting, and actively find ways to avoid them, or if that’s not possible, warn them of the potentially stressful situation before you enter it. If you are ever with an autistic person during a shutdown or meltdown, the most important thing for you to do for them is to take them away from what is upsetting to them. Take them to a quiet, dark room, and stay with them until they have calmed down. Find a way for them to be able to communicate their needs to you, such as typing or writing, to make sure that they feel safe and comfortable.

Really, what I am asking you to do is to be a better person for the sake of not only yourself, but also the people around you, autistic or not. Be kind. Be caring. Be empathetic, understanding, and aware of how you affect those around you. In order to be an ally to those with autism, first one must learn how to be an ally to those without it.