#because why else would we go through this circus constantly? lol

[userautumn]

AU where the 9-1-1 fandom gets tired of rehashing the same drama every month

[crushedsweets]

OK PART 2

NO NEED TO ASK PERMISSION OR DO ANYTHING LOL if i made some requirement it would be weird imo... plus make it harder to answer asks w/o clogging up my feed...so yk... yeup! same goes for everyone, just send a normal ask, tag it as an emoji, and we go from there LOL. otherwise im way less likely to respond granting permission cuz i feel awkward

best of news for past you. i have posted more kate since i got this. W

IM GLAD I THINK!!!

ur so sweet anon. thank u. HAHA i love her. gotta draw some more asap

THERE R A LOT OF U GUYS... HAHA

he is hell on earth...most foul man.... the smell of BO is unbelievable....

i love when people roleplay werewolves. i think its funny. the alpha in them..

THIS WOULD BE SO FUCKING FUNNY TOBY WOULD BE SO FUCKING MAD IT WOULD BE OVER. IT WOULD BE SO OVER.

TYSM!! <3333 UR SO SWEET THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!

TREAT ?.... TREAT!!!!

its so funny how liu attracts so many gay men and jane attracts so many gay women. who does jeff attract. (nobody)

joey please explain this to me...asap..

TOBY KNOWS HOW TO BEAT BOX I KNOW IT I JUST KNOW IT HE SPENT FOREVER IN HIS BEDROOM IN HIS YOUTH BEATBOXING AND HE SHOWED LYRA ONE DAY AND SHE LAUGHED AT HIM AND HE SHOVED HER AND WENT TO HIS ROOM TO SULK

shes not in my au! if she is, she'd prob just some sort of spirit that wanders about.. maybe only friends with other ghosts

thank you.. i feel...so safe right now.. <3...

explain

DUDE WEEZER COVER ART IS ALWAYS SO FUNNY TO ME YOU SHOULD DO IT. ALSO THANK YOU SO MUCH!!YOURE SO SWEET <333

THANK YOU SO MUCHHH <333 i love nina so much shes so sweet tysm

HELLO!!!!! this is a super sweet concept but unfortunately.. im not capable of doing any sort of blank/reader/etc sort of concept cuz im bad at putting in a blank canvas HAHA BUT I THINK I SAW SOMEONE ELSE GET THIS ASK AND THEY GAVE A REPLY SO I HOPE U GOT SMTH GOOD

yes but it will be me x kate

i think so too. his skin would be very unpredictable. some days he'll just get a nice tan, some days he'll burn so bad he gets blisters. sun spots, freckles, moles, beauty marks, scars. he has everything there is to have on his skin. such is life

beyond fucking canon tbh. yeah.

i think you sent this when i asked for people to ask me for nurse ann headcanons AHHAHA but ill try to put out more just in case.

aw wait thats so cute i never even noticed this

AHHH I AGREE A LOT I SUPER AGREE. "running and fighting for freedom" freedom is such a huge thing for toby... "this is the last time i'll cry lullabies" im sure several times in his youth, he swore to god 'this is the last time someone takes xyz (power, joy, safety, etc) from me' . many times he was brought to tears and his dad beat it out of him. now he's stuck with swearing to god nobody will EVER take that shit from him ever again. 'im so tired of walking through this fire' literally . the second he walked into the fire he set when he was 17, he's been living through it every fuckign day he works under slendy and it suuuucks fucking aaaassss....

HELLO THANK UUUU AGAIN tbh i think! i think i'd just throw him into Dina's cult. he'd constantly paint her and treat her as a muse, because she's the center and 'goddess' of the cult. and then, to replicate the slaughter he committed in his university, he would instead mass-murder the cult after dina's disappearance... maybe die, maybe spend forever searching for her. maybe just go to jail after. but he'd def be apart of dina and lazari's story.

I HAVE SEEN DIGITAL CIRCUS!!! hmmm...... i think... kate as zooble for sure. lulu as gangle for sure. brian as kaufmo idk why... ummmm.... jack as pomni. maybe toby can be caine? not very fitting but also i feel like i could force it somehow.... i dunno who would be kinger tbh.

OK I NEED TO CLEAR MY ASKBOX

IM JUST GONNA ANSWER A TON OF THEM HERE SO I DONT CLOG UP MY FEED....

hi >.<

this is so fucking sweet i remembered how happy i was when i first got my car. i cried everyday for a week straight because i was so happy. very glad yall got to watch me get my first car. i spend over an hour in her every day commuting now. LMFAOOO (i named her lindsay btw) ((after tdi lsinday)). im so sorry im late but thank you so much this meant sm !!! <3

you asked me this in august im evil oh my god. anyway i aagree. but i am always inclined to forever think he's a midwest emo guy. twin sized mattress forever

SHE NEEDS AND DESERVES SO MANY.

im immediately inclined to say clocky or toby the second i see time and fire mentions. so ticciwork. my clocky is often a bit messy so she'd be pissed and angry and upset over the sort of war she's found herself in, especially as she sees toby just falling deeper into it. 'my god, was i oblivious?' when she finally realizes toby will always, always put Slenderman before her. frustrating. 'hell stays hungry for a world so weak' natalie is hungry for a good world, but she thinks everyone is too weak for goodness, meanwhile toby is hungry for power so he can make everyone else seem weak. etc. 'they only want you to bleed' they being slendy, operator, zalgo, etc etc etc... power, being a pawn, fighting, using humans as toys in a battlefield, etc etc.. yeah

RELEASE ME JOEY

i genuinely think nina is a really good influence on so many of the creeps. like theyre all assholes, traumatized, refuse to believe in the good in the world, etc etc. but nina is traumatized and still kickin. she comes in like ^_^ hello chat. and i think that, while its still important to feel the shitty feelings, it's really grounding to see someone whos just so .. able to be happy. idk. someone who SEEKS joy, rather than expects it to fall into their lap, and blames the world when it doesnt

this si perfect idk why i forgot about bats for him. gotta get back into this idea

AHHH OK I WILL DO MORE EVENTUALLY i just wanna say thank yewww i think theyre such a good sibling dynamic. like little brothers and big sisters and both being little assholes to eachother but would die for the other. idk. ugh. important to me.

actually this sounds really sweet..... thats funny cuz i was JUST talking to a friend about who i would have EJ go endgame with if i had to, but i couldnt settle on anyone. but liu seems like a good fit for ej. i think they'd be super sweet

ANON ME TOO AHHHH ITS LITERALLY MY FAVORITE FUCKING THING EVER. I DONT GAF ABOUT EVIL MEAN 'CANON' SLENDER I LOVE WHEN HE'S A DAD AND WORRIES AND STRESSES. IEPFB AND KASTOWAYS SLENDY>

AH THANK YOU!!! he reminds me of my little cousins HAHA theyre like 10-14 right now and theyre all cuties.... just playing roblox and being mischievous...

THIS IS ABOUT THE BLUSHING NAT DRAWING ISNT IT AHAH OMG THANK YOU!!! i think shes so cute. i know she cant handle compliments. she's either deadpanned 'thanks' or just covers her face and says 'shut up' cuz she doesnt know what to do.

I LOVE HER TOO!!!

GOOD NEWS THEN ive drawn her a handful of times since u sent this HAHA TYSM

you sent like... natobina i think... ok tbh kinda slaps

OK REAL but also when i read it i keep reading it as 'cochina' and i cannot bring myself to name the throuple that </3 HAHA

TBH AHAHA I SEE IT. TOBYS AMETHYST GARNETS NATALIE AND NINA IS STEVEN.

i want jeff to ache in his loneliness

i need to draw connie asap but also THANK YOU SO MUCH AGAIN FOR THE CAR CONGRATS I REALLY APPRECIATE IT IM SO HAPPY I LOVE MY CAR SO MUCH i gotta go vaccuum her..

shes such a cat to me. feline. of sorts, if you will

also good news for you anon, i have also drawn her an ungodly amount of times since youve sent this. LOL

THEYRE MY ANGELS I HAVE MORE OF THEM !!! I LOVE THEM!! AHHHGGG

literally the second that people tell me i made them start to like clocky i am overwhelmed with joy. i feel so much ache when people aren't fond of her bc shes so fucking cool and such a good character and so much fun. so sad that 2015 era creepypasta fandom destroyed her. but im here to fix it...

IM SORRY ANON I BARELY DRAW HIM HES JUST SO BOYISH I LAUGH EVERYTIME I SEE HIM FKAHAHAAH OK OKOK ILL CHANGE ILL DRAW HIM I SWEAR

I REMEMBER WHEN I FIRST STARTED DOING EMOJI ANONS BAHAHA u guys r funny

incredibly. happy. to do this to u.

nope! im not too interested in the 2021 nina just cuz i feel like i've seen that character concept many times (not just in jane), BUT if i had to do my own intepretation of her, 2021 nina would be INCREDIBLY immature in like. not a childish way, but an entitled, angry-fueled adult who cannot comprehend anyone else's thoughts/feelings. and thus, would despise OG nina (although within reason, OG nina idolizes the person who killed her family) . but even if there wasnt a good reason to dislike OG nina, she'd be mean. and OG nina would be mad and bitch. and theyd theyd fight. HAHA

I-IF...???????? ANON?

HELD TO THE FUCKING BRIM

[youwontlikethisblog]

The Art of Subtlety in YSBTLF

Now I have yet to really talk about Betty and her development. Currently I'm on the episode where Betty goes to the bank to secure a loan through Terra Moda and it got me thinking.

Slowly we've been seeing the change from Armando's behavior towards her. Now it's been very subtle. One of my favorite scenes that display's the subtlety of his behavior is when Betty and him are being driven around by Don Hermes.

Right as they are leaving the building where they went to sign some documents to start the process of Terra Moda seizing Eco Moda Betty and Armando are talking.

She often jokes about her ugliness and as a person who in society has been outcaste by the mere fact I'm fat, I get that. We don't use it as a way to downplay our worth, better yet to find the humor in something that hurts us deeply. This is something Betty does often. Usually Armando agrees or goes along with it. The scene however caught my attention because after Betty jokes that she didn't get hired due to her ugliness she laughs and walks away and Armando stays behind and nods slightly, as if understanding that her ugliness could cause that BUT we then hear Don Hermes lovingly say "My beautiful daughter, did everything go well?" and Armando's face lights up. He sports a slight smile and stares at Betty as she laughs and tells her dad that everything went well.

The more I watch this show the more I realize that we see a lot of contrast between Betty and Armando's personal lives. While Betty's parents are very present in her life, constantly at the fore front of her ethics and morals as well as there to keep her grounded and realistic, though at times one can assume over baring and over protective, her parents love her deeply and you can tell. They treat her as their most precious possession.

However Armando's parents are a different story. His father always expects the worst of him, his mother coddles him but with conditions. His parents are only ever shown or involved when it comes to the company and/or his relationship with Marcela. Often when they do talk it's always about the company or again the relationship he's in with Marcela. It never goes more than that. We don't see them interact outside of that which causes that parental relationship to seem cold and distant. Kind of like a trophy child. Not really there to celebrate or show love when times are bad. Just there when things are on their terms. They show more interest in Daniel, Marcela, and Beatriz than they do to Armando and even then it's not saying much. In shorter terms, they suck.

So this scene in particular is one of my favorites for that reason. We see Armando, who at first was annoyed and being all pipirs nice to then engaging in conversation, joking, and letting his guard down and that's the thing. Often we see Armando with his guard up but around Betty slowly we begin to see him let his guard down.

Now in particular the reason why I bring this up is because from the get go I've always been interested in the complexities that Armando's character offers, but Betty is this different story. While Armando is complex in dark ways, Betty is complex is light ways. Her complexities aren't a form of harm rather a form of self preservation but still seeing the best in people, while Armando's complexities are in self preservation at the cost of others.

They both struggle in a sense with self worth. While Betty's self worth is rooted in her image and the way society treats her due to her not being societies beauty standers, Armando's self worth struggles are deeply rooted in his person's worth. Meaning that he doesn't find himself worthy as a human if he isn't succeeding, which makes him extremely arrogant. Betty's insecurities make her extremely humble and though being humble isn't a bad thing when there is no balance, her self worth is to the ground and due to this she allows people to step all over her and she often is a people pleaser because of this.

She lets people push her around and doesn't stand her ground when people are rude to her about her appearance. She does when it comes to her work but not as person and because of this she begins to idolize Armando because, unlike everyone before, he sees her as a person, when it comes to work.

This draws the lines, clean and crisp lines.

At work Armando defends her. He defends his decision to hire her. He defends her degrees and her experiences as an economist. This means a lot to her, because as mentioned before, she wasn't getting hired due to her "ugliness" and here comes a man that looks past that and hires her over the pretty one. We understand Betty's crush. We understand why she begins to idolize him even though he shows really crappy behavior at times.

First he constantly yells at her, laughs behind her back, allows his best friend to secretly see her as if she were this attraction in the tent of strange and ugly phenomena at the circus. To then being subtly annoyed when certain people mock her and make fun of her, though this gets him half points because he still allows his best friend to do this.

To end my analysis of Armando's behavior towards Betty up to this point I'll say that as this continues Armando begins to soften up towards her and while no one else picks up on it, Betty does. Which feeds her idolization of him.

Up to this point of the show Betty has been unconditional, even when she has needed to set aside her true feelings for him, she places his before her own. With Claudia, instead of ruining his night she stayed in the room all night long to which later we see Armando feel guilty over it but he gets no gold stars over that. That was a dick move.

Betty constantly shows loyalty, unconditionality, support, and most of all, team work. When he fails she always places herself to take the blame with him. She doesn't let him feel alone in his failures. Betty truly shows to love him. As a friend, as her boss, and as a girl who idolizes him and this moves him because to this point Armando hasn't had that. His parents do not show him unconditionality. His fiancé shows no team work or support and his best friend... he sucks. He is a terrible friend. Here is this girl who gives him all of this and for what? She doesn't ask for anything in return except to work for him. That's why we see the subtle change in him and Betty deserved that and more.

When they went to that cocktail with RagTela, where Armando started to hit on Ms. Colombia, I forgot her name, Betty doesn't seem jealous or hurt by that. In fact she seems unbothered and stayed in her lane, once again the lines being crisp and clean. However later on, when Betty tells Armando that they've got a meeting with Macro Textil and she sees Armando's face light up and ask how he looks, we see a subtle change, jealousy. She showed some of that with Claudia but Armando probably interpreted that as Betty being frustrated that due to that she had to sleep in the office that night. Here he doesn't pick up on it. She laughs dry only to cover her tracks and gets the man his cologne and throughout their meeting with Macro she shows to be a good wing-woman, minding her business of course.

Now let me skip some scenes. They're trying to negotiate a payment plan with Macro Textil. At this point what Armando has said isn't very convincing and Betty steps in, our bright Betty manages to say stuff that makes them think over their offer. At this point Armando has had all eyes on Ms. Colombia but he turns to watch her, with a slight smile on his face, a brief second of staring at her lips and completely absorbed into what Betty is saying and doing.

Now I want to bring us back to the main scene of this post. Betty sitting across her old boss. We have seen two scenes of her old boss and her interact before. Not only to drive the plot, but I believe to show the difference between a boss who was fond of Betty, after all he did say he was happy and pleased to help her with Terra Moda after being her boss for two years and a boss who is... more than fond of her but confused about it(to be fair Armando is so stupid when it comes to feelings the dude isn't even aware he's got them to begin with.) Betty's behavior is respectful and friendly towards her old boss. You can tell she's comfortable talking to him and so on and her old boss is the same. He's respectful and friendly towards her.

Why do I think this is important to the plot of the story?

It got me thinking. When I was working I got pretty close to my manager. He was married and older than me and we got along great. We talked, we joked, we had work discussions and we'd talk about life and stuff. However it was always very respectful and friendly, like a boss and their employee. My manager was very gentleman like. He didn't let me carry heavy stuff(As a fat woman I'm not used to that lol) however the line was there, Boundaries were there. Obviously we didn't have conversations that were too personal or even that personal at all. I could see Betty and her ex-boss being the same. A simple boss to employee friendship but if I had a... ship of sorts with my boss like Betty does with Armando my sensors of red flags would be blaring.

Think about your greatest friendship with one of your bosses. It's respectful and friendly but you don't cross lines, right?

Now I keep comparing their behavior to my manager's and mine.

That is why they show us, unlike with all the other Banks Betty has talked to, their interactions. To show a clear and distinct line of work related ships. Her ex-boss is truly fond of her but he doesn't cross boundaries and neither does Betty.

My ex-manager was respectful and we talked like an older brother and younger sister would. That was our work dynamic.

Betty's behavior has always been respectful and friendly towards Armando. Their work dynamic has been that she's the smart one and he's the pretty one and it works for them.

Betty's emotions start to blur when Armando's behavior towards her starts to blur. We go from seeing back to back scenes that show separate life styles and personal lives to having them blend in and once their personal lives begin to blend in so do their work lives.

During this day, before Betty goes to talk to her old boss, we are shown the scene when she tells him that Macro Textil was on their way to sign a contract with them that very day. Armando is between Betty and Mario and he talks to Betty. Constantly saying "Betty we did it!" and things along those lines but after each sentence he goes to Mario and repeats the same thing up until he goes to hug Betty.

[EDIT: This allows us to view Armando's personal dilema. Your brain often blurts the first thing that comes to mind and seeing as Armando isn't that bright when emotions are involved, he blurts out the first thing that comes to mind and that is Betty. His first thought is to talk to Betty, to celebrate with her (since she is the reason why that business deal is even happening) but he is prioritizing her, picking up on it and then going to his best friend to celebrate it as well. It shows us subtly the change in him.]

He doesn't even do that to his best friend. Once again, the lines blur. Armando is the first person in this work related relationship to blur the lines and Betty follows suit.

Yes, the hug was work related. Yes he was excited over the fact they could release the new fashion collection they'd been working on BUT he hadn't done that for other deals that they had managed. He didn't do that with the first collection he launched. He's hugged her, up to this point, two other times. Once after the meeting with Daniel where Betty gave him lessons on economics and later when Betty was crying.

This is their third hug. I'm not reading into that hug but what follows before and after.

As I said when writing we're told to keep what drives the plot, character development, and overall story; everything else is thrown out the window. So these subtle changes, behaviors, and quirks we begin to see coming from Betty's interactions with Armando explain why it was so easy for her to be manipulated by this man. They are important because they are meant to show us what is okay and what is not. What is normal and what is not and in small ways their work dynamic begins to shift and the first person to do that is Armando.

because he didn't feed the illusion of love when that sinister plan was created, he fed it when he started to get confused about her. When he started to blur the lines.

Betty didn't just idolatrized him because he defended her work. She did it because he fed her feelings towards him. When Betty showed loyalty he showed to be more fond of her. He went from constantly yelling at her, being indifferent towards her, to trying to watch his tone and temper. When Betty showed unconditionality he showed kindness. When Betty showed support he showed loyalty and little by little we begin to see these two blur the line between personal and work.

The changes are really subtle that they fly over your head but when you pay attention to the actual story and not the romance you can tell when they start and that is one reason why I love this novela because very much like real life these changes are subtle.

Betty's love was really subtle and you can pick up on when she starts to fall in love, whereas with Armando his change goes from being so subtle that you're confused yourself to it being so bam in your face you can't deny it.

In any aspect their relationship begins to blur during these episodes and the clear contrast of that is with seeing Betty interact with her old Boss at the bank.

In the future episodes this theory is proven right when we no longer get clear cuts of scenes that show the difference between their personal lives better yet we get a very muddy and blurry view of their personal and work lives.

Betty's moral, ethics, and emotions begin to change when Armando begins to change. Up to this point Betty has been consistent with her morality, though close to stumbling her father has been there to keep her on the right path. She has been the sweet and loving person she's always been but her character has been consistent up to this point and it's important to note that and why everything that happens after this is the way it is because as an audience we have been warn over and over again and so have these characters but just like in real life we don't always pay attention to the subtle changes until their domino effect starts to make too much impact.

also sorry if this doesn't make any sense it's currently 6:40 am and I've been writing this since like four lol.

[swamplatibule]

Paramay Prompt Three! Para+Childhood

I HAVE BEEN WRITING THIS FOR FOUR MOTHERFUCKING DAYS NOW AND I HAVE NO REGRETS :DDDD

this has not been proofread it is 10 at night, I am exhausted, please accept my humble offerings

Damn, only prompt three and I’m already forced to reveal everyone’s tragic backstory oh well lol

Trigger warnings: Abuse, arson, su•c•de, death, homophobia, murder, gun mention

tw; death mention

Alright alright alright let’s fuckin goooo we’ll start off with Hollister, her childhood is no doubt the easiest to write since it’s basically been the same her whole life.

She never met her parents. She doesn’t know if they���re dead, or if they just decided they didn’t want a kid, or if something else happened, and she doesn‘t care. It’s not her problem. At least, she tells herself that, but she really isn’t 100% sure that it wasn’t somehow her fault. Poor baby.

She‘s completely grown up in the foster care system, bouncing from home to home. Hollister kept running away, getting caught, and being sent somewhere else. She’s also, guess what, a fucking genius with technology.

One time she tried running away and then erasing herself from the system. It didn’t work, but nobody realized that she’s tried to do it, so it’s fine, nothing went wrong.

A few weeks into her newest home, one of the other foster kids named Silas (who she’d been fast friends with) went missing days after developing a weird anti-gravitational power. And so she tried to find him. She stumbled across the Starwritten Society - when I say “stumbled across” I mean she followed a few very questionable leads on, like, conspiracy theory websites and shit and actually found something - and hacked into the archives, trying to find some sort of info.

Now, you can imagine the panic that caused in the Society. Complete lockdown. The Starwritten Society is top-secret, and nobody just hacks into the archives that easily. She didn’t actually find anything, one because she didn’t get time to look around before the security system actually started working and kicked her out, and two because Silas just wasn’t in the records anyway, meaning he’d disappeared some other way.

However, before she could go out looking for him, there were three agents knocking at the door, having tracked her location here. And you can imagine the looks on their faces when they saw that the person who had caused the mass panic that morning was none other than some kid with a computer that looked home-made.

Things happened, she asked to join because, y’know, fuck yeah secret society, paperwork was filed, and she got in. She’s currently the youngest trainee to join the Society in seventy-four years. Also, fun fact, they had to fill out the adoption papers and such, so she’s listed as the child of Director Iara Adams. Which isn’t that big of a deal, since literally every kid in need of adoption taken in by the Society is adopted under her name, and most have only interacted with her like once, but... it’s a cool world building detail I felt like I needed to add.

Anyways, ONWARD!!!

——————————————

tw; homophobia

Kennedy was born in a pretty influential family with very “traditional” values. They kinda suck, so we won’t get too into that shithole.

Each generation of that family has had like six kids, and every single time, one turns out to be lgbtq+ and gets ✨disowned✨because the parents are just kinda assholes. It’s just this never-ending cycle.

Suffice it to say, Kennedy - being a flaming bisexual and all that - got disowned when she was like twelve after one of her siblings outed her by accident. Her uncle took her in. Guess what? He had also been disowned! When he was fifteen!

And he also went on to become a very important person in the Starwritten Society, and when he discovered Kennedy’s complete genius with technology, he recommended her to become a trainee at 17 years old.

To be honest, Kennedy’s basically gotten the short end of the stick when it comes to characterization and fleshing-out. I have quite a few paras like that, sadly. I think I might make her a playlist sometime and let her be the main character for a while.

——————————————

tw: abuse, arson, su•c•de, murder, gun mention

Fox. Oh boy. Fox grew up in a very... tense household. His father started out pretty okay when he was a younger kid, but he slowly started getting more and more violent and controlling, to both Fox, his twin sister, and his mother.

Fox always had a very close relationship with his sister, Wren. You know that siblings meme? The “You are my sister, you are my brother, we are siblings and we care for each other,”? The were the living definition of that. They managed to keep a definite sense of humor and lightheartedness with each other, despite everything that had been going on.

They weren’t fine, but they had each other.

And then Wren went missing. There was a huge police search, but they didn’t find anything. Fox was fourteen at the time. That experience basically broke him, and he never saw Wren again.

A month later, he was coming home from school, got off the bus, and found the house in smoking ruins. His mother hadn’t been able to take his father’s abuse anymore, and she couldn’t see any way out. So she set the house on fire, killing both herself and her husband.

Fox, who was a mental wreck at this point, as almost anyone would be, was placed into the foster care system. He never stayed anywhere for longer than a week. His humor became a shield for him, an easy way to seem like he was fine when he wasn’t. After about a year, he ran away. And then joined the circus. Why, you ask? Because I said so; I grow these flowers and if you don’t like it then you can leave my garden

Fox was always a flexible kid. He’d been in gymnastics classes since he was five. And, as it would turn out, he was damn good on a trapeze. It wasn’t a very big circus, just some small family-run traveling one, but it gave him a place to stay and an environment that welcomed him, and that was good enough for him.

He was with the circus for about four years, up until he was eighteen, so technically this isn’t his childhood anymore, but I’m gonna keep going because I want to.

The Starwritten Society was following a lead on an underground lab somewhere around the place where Fox’s circus was performing. Kennedy was actually on the mission, although she doesn’t do many of those anymore after she got injured in the field and such and I’ll talk about that later. Anyway.

The team of agents who were on the search came across the circus, and figured it was as good of a place as any to try and find the person they were looking for, Eleanor Sylvidas. She was actually in the crowd watching, and there was a confrontation after the show. Fox went to check it out, being the one generally in charge of telling people to cool it whenever small fights broke out between customers, but he wasn’t quite sure what to do in a situation where both parties happen to have guns pointed at each other. Especially when Eleanor pointed her gun at his head and told the agents that if they didn’t back down, she’d shoot him.

That wasn’t exactly something that happened to him on a day-to-day basis.

Of course, a fight broke out. Actually, Fox made the first move, he literally tried to snatch this woman’s gun out of her hand. It didn’t work, but the shot she took at him definitely missed, and then there was a very chaotic fight scene and Eleanor ended up losing and got arrested. Course, they still had to find the lab so they could get the kids out of there. Fox was very helpful in that aspect, too.

Once the mission had been completed, he was offered a place as a trainee in the Society. Those who were there will say that the offer was accepted immediately, but he was actually a bit reluctant. He made the choice to go, however, and it proved to be one of the best decisions he’s made.

——————————————

tw; abuse, violence, gun mention

Wilson. Where do I start? He has trauma, definitely, although so does practically everyone who works with the Starwritten Society.

See, Wilson is actually one of the people who were rescued from labs as children, but there are two things that sets him apart from others.

1. He wasn’t kidnapped at birth or after he developed abilities. He was literally created in a lab, which has led to a lot of self-doubt due to being raised to believe he wasn’t “natural”.

2. The Society aims to rescue all powered children from labs as soon as possible, and since many of them are kidnapped at a young age, they try to get them out at least before they turn 10. Wilson wasn’t found until he was a bit older than 17.

He wasn’t even given a name while he was in the lab. He was just “Project Firebird”, with abilities including fire and heat manipulation, as well as immunity to those two things, plus flight and enhanced strength, speed, and stamina. Wilson was made for the sole purpose of being a weapon.

The person running the lab? An absolute fucker of a man named Alastor Killigan. Him? I cannot put into words how much I hate him. He just really fucking sucks, and not in a “loveable bastard“ way. I honestly wish I could physically teleport into my daydreams just to set this bitch on fire.

Anyway, he’s running this whole operation. He’s got guards, he’s got other scientists who he may or may not have blackmailed into helping him, he’s got people who work for him. And this isn’t the first time he’s done this. That’s right, Grey isn’t the first time he’s tried to weaponize a kid. He got caught by the Society last time, but escaped, and now he knows that he has to keep moving around constantly.

So the first 17 years of Grey’s life were just constant training and experiments and tests and moving around and being raised to believe that he was a literal monster and wasn’t worth anything if he wasn’t a weapon. Fucked up, right? But, see, the Society had no idea he existed. They found the lab kids through keeping tabs on recent kidnappings and disappearances. Grey wasn’t on any of those lists. The only people aware of Grey’s existence were Alastor and the people working for him.

In fact, the Society only found him by chance. They managed to track Alastor’s location and find him to arrest him, and they found Grey while they were doing that. There was a huge fight, but Alastor lost, and Grey got rescued. Things were looking up.

Because the Society legally adopts all the orphaned kids they take in, Grey needed a name. He also just needed a name in general. The lady filling out the papers told him he could just pick something, and he panicked. He wasn’t used to being allowed to make his own decisions. There was a plaque on the wall with a list of people who’d been top agents in the past, and he just read one of those.

Grey Wilson.

So, y’know, that‘s why it says he was a top agent in 1937. Just a heads up.

Have I talked about the Society’s different departments yet? No? Maybe I’ll do that later, but anyway - one of the divisions is basically therapy, because some of these kiddos have severe trauma and need help. Grey worked with a woman named Mags for a few years, and then started training for the High-Risk Rescue department. He was taking charge of his own future! Yayyyy!

Oh yeah and then Alastor escaped - again, and Mags went missing on the same day and it was presumed Alastor killed her on his way out, and Grey hasn’t seen either of them since. He’s been working in the Society for about 22 years now, trying to make sure that nobody goes through what he has. He decided early on that he didn’t want to use his abilities again, ever, and it’s become his personal secret, with very few people knowing.

[mego42]

For the WIP meme! Your monster looks like mine! Rio + Annie broTP! Annnnnd a number! #3!

ty ty welcome to the circus or whatever, hahaha. i’m still in sleep debt idk what i’m saying. 

OKAY! so, rollerskating on, your monster looks like mine is the sex pollen fic I keep banging on about. I decided if I was going to do a widely panned trope I was going to go big vs going home (see also: dean pov, overdoing it in the face of perceived adversary is kind of my thing) and am trying to give it a theme and an arc and a truly unreasonable amount of angst. 

it takes place not that long after s3 and the two of them are like, you know, fairly well marinated in their animosity for each other and get thrown into this situation where they have limited control over how they physically feel about their proximity (heyo sex pollen!) and by god if they’re forced to be even a little bit vulnerable with each other they’re going to make it count and like, forcibly rip each other’s secrets out of each other (the hitman! lucy! 213! 209!). the whole idea behind the theme (and title) is a kind of hazy like calls to like, they’re both monstrous in overlapping ways and how they recognize/react to it is at the root of how they act towards each other. also, it’s alternating POV. 

idk, I have ambitious plans, a sprawling notes document, and probably like a third of it drafted but it’s super rough and I was in a weird place when I wrote it so it’s probs going to get reshaped a lot once I have the full draft out and see what I’m working with, but I have dug out a snippet under the cut!

He shows up a good twenty minutes after he told her to meet him, not bothering to park, just pulling up next to the van where she’s still fuming in the driver’s seat and telling her to get in. She gapes at him through the window, mouth opening and closing while she cycles through her options, deciding how she wants to play it. Curiosity must get the better of her though, because she hops in the passenger seat without a word—a fuckin’ miracle in and of itself. 

She holds it in for all of five minutes which, credit where credit’s due, is about four and a half longer than he was expecting.

“Where are we going?” 

She’s got that pissy little holier than thou tone going on, the one that always makes him itch to knock her down a peg or two.

“Bet you find out when we get there.”

The silence that falls between them’s thick enough it’s nearly tangible. Somethin’ ‘bout havin’ her in the car, even as big as it is, makes her feel closer than sittin’ next to her at a picnic table.

Rio takes shallow breaths, trying not to notice the hint of her perfume coating every inhale—something floral but not sweet, makes him think of night blooms and creamy, lush petals, makes him remember how much richer it smells right up against her skin.

He takes the next turn harder than he needs to, throwing them both around.

Elizabeth huffs and readjusts, making the leather creak. The tension radiating off her loosens his shoulders, and he relaxes back in his seat. He can see her drumming her fingers on her knee out of the corner of his eye, then smoothing her palms along her thighs like she’s trying to wipe something off. 

“Why bring me? Why not Mick or—or...any of your other guys?”

He scoffs, playin’ it up more than he needs to so she knows it’s a stupid question. “I roll in with back up, it looks like I think I need it. I roll in with you…”

He lets the sentence hang there, lazily turns his head to look at her and watch her bristle like a cat as she fills in the blanks. The funny part is of everyone he’s dealin’ with tonight she came the closest to finishin’ him off but he’s not about to tell her that. 

“‘Sides,” he continues, just to rub salt in the wound. “I need someone to take notes.”

“I’m not your secretary,” she snaps, that fake as hell yes sir, no sir mask she’s been painting on lately slipping and the tips of her claws coming out. Rio’ pulse jumps in answer.

“Yeah? You ain’t a sharpshooter either but you gave that your best go.”

That shuts her up for the rest of the ride. He’s almost disappointed. 

rio + annie brotp 

this one is just a concept as of now. the idea is rio and annie are roommates who maybe occasionally hook up when they’re bored, but mostly kind of just bump along sniping at each other and openly judging each other’s lives and choices but in a functionally dysfunctional sort of way, and their equilibrium is thrown off when annie’s older sister needs a place to stay for a while bc her life is falling apart. idk if/when I’ll ever get around to writing it because there is uh, lol, obvs some major yikes potential depending on what choices I make with different dynamics and I know rio and annie is v much not most people’s cup of tea for obvious reasons. I def want to write something with them being friends at some point though bc there’s a lot of comedic potential there that v much appeals to me.

#3

this is a dialogue prompt I wrote an opening for and then apparently abandoned it entirely with no notes to myself so thanks past!meg! you dick!

Beth knows that Annie and Ruby thought she was trying to be funny when she said Rio had a habit of popping up like a genie, and she was, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t true. 

She’s as used to it as it’s possible to get used to being caught continually off-guard. There’s a part of her that’s constantly on high alert every time she goes out, no matter where, scanning her surroundings, convinced that she’ll see him in the strangest of places. She never does though, and if she feels anything about that at all, it’s only relief and a continual low-level annoyance that he’s got her in a state of perpetual vigilance. 

It’s easier to convince herself of that when she doesn’t take into account those three months he was gone. How she couldn’t stop herself from looking, her attention snagging on all the different pieces of him she’d see in other people out of the corner of her eye: short dark hair, a slender build, a certain way of walking more liquid than anything else. Her breath would catch, her pulse would trip, but then she’d blink and the picture would become clear. It was never him, he’d never sneak up on her again because he was—

But he’s not, he’s here, in her kitchen, in the middle of the night Beth discovers as she screams, dropping the water glass she was coming in to refill in a move eerily similar to the first time she met him but with less groceries and more potential to cut her feet to ribbons.

“What are you doing here?” She asks, pushing past him to grab the broom and dustpan from the mudroom. He grunts as he shifts to the side, trying to get out of her way but she doesn’t think anything of it. “It’s three in the morning.”

why is Rio there? who knows! not me!

my wip folder is a mess and a mystery to me as much as you but ask me about any that strike your fancy anyway

[purplesurveys]

921

LOL was gone for a while to attempt doing that ridiculous 5000 survey myself again and I really thought I was going to breeze through it this time. 2 1/2 weeks and 2500 questions later, I need a fucking break. Need normal surveys plz.

What was the best thing to happen to you this week? Got to visit Gabie today! I brought Cooper as well so that she, her sisters, and their puppy Tofu could finally meet him. Fun day, but I am beat. The blackout yesterday also made me revisit painting, and that felt so good too.

Where do you put your keys when you get home? It always differs, idk why I never picked up a routine. Sometimes I set it on the dining table, other times on the decorative table in the living room, and other times I bring it up with me to my room.

Do you prefer hot coffee or iced coffee? I preferred hot (warm would be more accurate) for the longest time but once I went iced, I never wanted to go back. 

What's your phone background picture? I recently changed my lock screen to one of Audrey Hepburn. My home screen is still Hayley Williams.

If you could move to any country, what would it be? Anywhere with a clean and honest government sounds like heaven.

Have you ever seen a snake in the wild? No. Can’t say there’s a lot of them here in the city, and I’ve never seen any in my trip to provinces either.

What's your favourite movie from the 80s? Ferris Bueller’s Day Off.

Do you have any posters, paintings or other artwork on your walls? I have at least one of each of these, yes.

What would your dream wedding be like? Huge. I’d want a long guest list, expansive food choices, and acts that can provide good music throughout the evening. I never really throw parties for myself, so I would want at least my own wedding to be big.

Would you ever take a trip to space if given the chance? Yesssssss.

How do you cope with anxiety? I'm lucky to have found different outlets, so that said I usually choose from taking surveys, watching a favorite channel on YouTube, turning to my dogs, going to social media to see dumb memes, or taking a nap altogether. Of course there’ll always be those days where none of these work out and I’ll have to just cry through the anxiety attacks until they’re over.

Are you expecting any phone calls or emails? I’m expecting an email from my college, yes. I’m currently applying for civil service eligibility and they’re asking for documents that only the college can provide, so I emailed them a couple of days ago asking for assistance, and that’s considering we’re still under a lockdown and most offices are still under skeleton staffing.

What's the weather like in your part of the world right now? LOVELY. I actually wear oversized sweaters to bed now and I even managed to wear a thick denim jacket out today. The rainy weather has settled beautifully, and I’m perfectly fine with 24ºC-28ºC everyday.

What was the last takeout food you ate? My mom bought me and my siblings a chicken sandwich and chicken nuggets each from McDonald’s last week.

Who makes you laugh the most? Definitely someone from my college barkada. I can’t decide whether it’s Aya, Kate, JM, or Jum; they’re all equally hilarious as fuck.

Do you know anyone with the same middle name as you? See these questions are always weird to me because my country has its own naming customs; it’s basically a mix of American and Spanish customs. We have two first names (where Westerners would understand their second ‘first’ name to be their middle name) and our actual legal middle name is our mother’s maiden surname (which I think doesn’t apply at all in the Western world). So to answer this I’ll go with our own customs and say that no, I don’t know of anyone who has the same middle name as me. It’s not a very common surname anyway.

What did you have done the last time you saw a dentist? Had a tooth removed. I don’t think it was a wisdom tooth; it was just a tooth at the back of my mouth that had been in pretty bad shape for years but was only discovered at that time.

What does a successful relationship look like to you? I believe the formula is different for every couple. Like I value constant communication and checkups, but others might not feel the need to be clingy or update their significant others all the time.

What do you like to put on your baked potato? Don’t really have these a lot, but I remember when my mom used to make baked potatoes with bacon and cheese and those were unbelievably good.

What field of science interests you the most? Biology. <3 I’m sure I would’ve taken up medicine if I only wasn’t so bad in the rest of the sciences.

What's the closest shop or restaurant to your house? There aren’t any nearby shops since I live in a gated community, but once you get out of the village’s main gate, the first thing to the left is a McDonald’s. To the right is a small complex with a hair salon, burger place, music school, and one of those boujee stores that sell hype clothing.

Do you have any family that live in another country? So many relatives. We’re Filipinos, man. We migrate everyfuckingwhere. As far as I know I have family living in the US, Canada, Vietnam, Japan, China, Australia, and New Zealand.

What colour is your couch? Gray.

Do you know how to care for plants and keep them alive? Not at all. Every single plant that I’ve been given as a gift or party giveaway has died on me.

What was the most memorable birthday you've had? 18th was awesome. Cruise trip, hotel stay with friends, Tiendesitas + noodle date with Gab. How I got away with three separate celebrations without my parents saying anything about it I’ll never know.

Would you rather go to the beach or the mountains? Beach. The area where I live is mountainous as it is; as someone who’s always lived and studied in the city, a trip to the beach in the province never gets old.

What do you do for work? I don’t have any yet but I’m waiting for openings for our national agency for either history, or culture and the arts. My plans have shifted recently and I’m now eyeing to work for either instead of rotting away while underpaid at a corporate agency.

Have you ever been to see the circus? No. I wouldn’t be interested either; they all just seem so harsh and unethical. 

Are there any words that you hate or make you cringe? Sure.

What is the best house you've ever lived in? The one we live in today has been the most comfortable; but I also hold a lot of nostalgia for my dad’s parents’ house in Tondo because of how raw Manila life was there. Life wasn’t pretty, but it did feel real.

What was the first CD you ever bought? The first CD I actively wanted my parents to buy for me was probably the High School Musical soundtrack, heheh.

Do you look in the mirror before you leave the house? Yeah, always. Wanna make sure my shirt is tucked in properly (if it is), or that my jeans aren’t cuffed funny or whatever else.

What's the most unusual thing you've ever eaten? I’ve mentioned this before but it was the Indian dessert gulab jamun. Really did not expect the flavor that came in when it hit my mouth.

Have you ever seen someone quit their job in a dramatic way? I’ve never had a legit job, but when Jeuel quit the org a couple of years ago because of ~irreconcilable differences~ between him and us officers in the executive board it did feel a tad bit dramatic and passive-aggressive.

What movie reminds you of your childhood? Shrek 2 or The Game Plan.

Do you know why your parents named you what they did? The singer named Robyn was really big then and they ended up being fans of the name.

Do you have any bills that need to be paid? None of my own. My parents usually pay the family bills immediately, so I don’t think we have any pending payments for now.

What do you like to dip your fries in? Mayonnaise.

Is your house clean or messy right now? It’s always clean as my mom is extremely tidy.

What was the last email you received? It’s one of the job-hunting websites I’ve signed up for, giving me job alerts for new openings in my chosen industries.

Do you know someone who speaks without a filter? Yeah and I know people who do it responsibly and those who just come off as tactless.

Are you in any social groups? We call our college group the Daydrinkers, since our friendship began when we started constantly hanging out at nearby bars at like 2 PM, during our breaks lol. I used to be in a barkada in high school but Angela and I broke apart from that since we couldn’t deal with Athenna’s toxicity anymore, though I still keep in touch with most of them, like Chelsea and Kaira. Since then Angela and I have formed our own group consisting mostly of Angela’s friends from architecture and Hans’ friends from Ateneo.

How many hours of sleep did you get last night? Sigh, around 4. I don’t know why it was so few, but it also means that I’m currently drowsy as all hell at 9:03 PM. I will most likely turn in for bed after this.

What's your favourite kind of museum? Those that cover history, so museums that have artifacts and fossils and shit.

Do you believe in alternate universes? I like the idea, and I love literature that explores the idea of alternate realities, multiple universes, pocket universes, etc. Whether or not I believe they exist...idk. I don’t think about it that much in literal terms. < Yeah pretty much. Gaby Dunn wrote an amazing piece on multiverses and that was what got me to find comfort in the idea.

Whose house did you last visit? I was at Gabie’s place this afternoon. We had burritos, talked about career prospects, and puppy-sat our babies.

What games do you play on your smart phone? I turn to 1010 when I’m bored or anxious. I have like 30 other games but I never touch them lol, but I do keep them should the time be right to whip them out.

Have you ever been to Los Angeles? I have not.

What was the first concert you ever went to? Paramore, February 2013. I was a late bloomer; kids my age started going to concerts at least three years before that.

Do you know anyone who is colourblind? I don’t think so.

What's your favourite season and why? The wet season, because it’s colder and I hate the heat during the dry season.

Are you the youngest, middle or eldest child in your family? I’m the eldest.

If you had to make something for a potluck, what would you make? I recently watched this phenomenal recipe for 48-hour chocolate chip cookies that looked absolutely bonkers when they were done baking. I’d for sure give those a try for dessert. If that fails I’d just buy the food so that what I bring is more guaranteed to be good.

What kinds of decorations do you put up at Halloween? My family has never cared much for Halloween. It’s not even a legit holiday, so as much as I love Halloween I don’t think I would spend for decorations myself to decorate my own place. The only instance I imagine doing so would be if I have kids of my own who may want to get into the Halloween ~spirit.

How many tabs do you have open right now? In my current window, eight.

What's something you've been meaning to do but keep putting off? Taking another online course, just because it’s great to learn new things and earn free certifications while at it. I haven’t been doing a good job at being consistent with them, though.

What's the first thing you check on your phone at the start of the day? Facebook since it’s my primary social media now. Literally never thought this day would come.

Have you ever flown a kite? Yeah but it’s been a while.

Who was your favourite music artist when you were 16? This was the time I was slowly moving away from my punk phase and inching closer to Athenna’s music tastes, so I was into acts like Hozier, Banks, Daya, Twenty One Pilots, etc.

What are three things you usually always have in your fridge? Water, bread, eggs.

[jinxofthedesert]

Hi there!!! It is the same anon that requested some fic recs ☺ Thank you so much! I may give them a read! They look very interesting! But tbh I'm looking for fics that deal with some more in-depth approach to the twins' psychology and character (I don't mind the romance. In fact, I think it's a really interesting plus to the story when handled well).

(Below this is the rest of the messages, put together. Farther down, below the line, are my responses)  

 I’ve usually seen that the twins are portrayed as soft, loving and caring guys with their partners without real motives for such drastic change of dynamics in their twisted personalities. I mean, the usual Valeska centered fic goes like this: they meet the OC in Arkham or during their childhood in the circus and for some reason they reunite in the present, and then it is just the twins somehow falling for them, changing their whole way of being and only wanting to bang the OC the whole time (without taking into account the lack of the OC's inner conflict about loving such twisted men, because these OCs usually are "sane" and good people that somehow are dragged into the twins' world and for some reason they just fall in love with them without questioning it). But for me the least realistic thing about these fics is that the twins become super nice guys all of a sudden. I mean of course there can be character develoment and growth (up to a certain point), but I haven't really found a story that contains such deep explanation. Let's face it, they're still psychos no matter what, even if they have a partner.  In the last season we get a glimpse of how Jeremiah treats Ecco, someone that he used to appreciate and care for deeply, and she still meant little to him. So it doesn't add up to me when the twins are magically turned into these super sweet caring guys while their twisted, evil and manipulative side is completely ignored. I am not saying they can't love, I am just saying that they surely have their own twisted perception of what love is 🤔 Sorry for my rambling, damn, it took soooooo many comments hahaha!!! OMG, Sorry!😂😂 I had a LOT to say 😂😂😂 But I just find these characters very interesting and I would love to read a story with a more realistic approach to the construction of their personalities (and their twisted way of loving too!). Let me know, please, if you happen to know about some fics/authors 😘 thanks again! 

- - - - - - - - -  Hi again, anon! I’m sorry my list of content in the previous ask wasn’t exactly what you were looking/hoping for. As of right now, besides the ones I sent you that may delve a little bit below the surface, I can’t think of a true ‘character study’ type story that I have read so far. But, again, I usually stay in the area of romance so I wouldn’t be surprised if there are such fics out there under a different genre.

I’ll be quite honest, it’s been a very long time since I’ve read any oc/(input character here), including ones with the twins. Normally, I forget they exist until someone brings it up or I stumble across one on Tumblr accidentally. I do agree, the twins suddenly changing for an OC (or anyone) can be a bit unrealistic but from my years of reading and writing, creating stories with such things is a bit of ‘wish fulfillment’ which, to be honest, isn’t a bad thing. Sometimes a reader just needs content that is kind of good-feeling type fic (though not in a sense of how murderous the twins can be but in them getting some kind of positivity in their lives, whether it be through an OC or another character in the universe). When I wrote Oc’s at the beginning, it was either wish fulfillment for me or simply just wanting these characters I adored to finally have some kind of happy ending which they probably did not deserve, at all. 

A reason you might not find such content is also because, character studies are hard. Especially if you don’t have a complete picture of the character. With the twins, a lot is just coming up with stuff, imaging their past and how it still affects them, even if, on the upper layer we’re shown, doesn’t portray those scars left behind. 

With Oc’s, they can usually be pretty hit or miss. It’s not like you’re taking an already known character with known flaws and putting them in your story. Those characters have a foundation already built. For an Oc, the writer has to literally make someone from the ground up, which is equally as hard without making them seem too whiny, too mary-sue like, or just too problematic. This can leave a lot to be desired which can create something unrealistic as well. That’s why I usually only look for content centered around characters from the show, instead of Oc’s; like with Bruce and the twins because canon-wise there is already something there (depending on how you look at it and write it). 

In regard to Ecco: firstly, I think it’s arguable what type of relationship she even has with Jeremiah when we first are introduced to them. We’re shown some concern on his end when she’s clearly been hypnotized but this can be seen as a boss concerned for an employee, an employee who he’s probably had for awhile now and is one of the very rare few who he trusts to an extent. However, we just don’t know much of anything about their relationship or past together. She might have hardly seen him, only contacting him through phone calls and text messages; she may have only brought him supplies through the maze and never was in his inner personal areas. This treatment is all possible given how Jeremiah is quite literally a paranoid mess before the spray, no matter how well put-together he appears. And, if we’re to compare this to his eventual obsession with Bruce Wayne, we can take a guess that Jeremiah and Ecco probably didn’t get very deep with this connection they had. Mainly because with just a few compliments, Jeremiah is invested in Bruce, something we don’t see with Ecco before or after the spray. So we have Bruce enter the picture (someone who has run into his twin on multiple occasions, a fact Jeremiah must know to some extent with his paranoia probably leading him to constantly check newspapers and the news for info on Jerome) and, if you look at things from Jeremiah’s perspective, besides complimenting him, Bruce looks at him and only sees Jeremiah. And this would be baffling to Jeremiah if he knows the affect Jerome has had on Bruce, for him to look at Jeremiah and not see his twin after everything would be just as big a compliment as anything because it’s differentiating him from his twin. Someone who has probably feared being compared to his brother, for people to look at him and only see Jerome (such as what occurs with Jim and Harvey only hours prior). Because of this, when compared to Ecco, we can deduce that either their conversations never went in such a direction, or she hardly had the extended physical contact to ever bring up Jerome or compare or compliment. If so, it’s possible with how Jeremiah is that something similar could have happened with Ecco. And this eventually leads into the spray where his only true attachment is not Ecco but with Bruce, especially, after his initial spray, Jeremiah’s hatred for Jerome is far worse than it had been before, making Bruce’s assessment of Jeremiah simply being himself and not his brother, far more endearing as well. So, in comparison to Bruce, Ecco means absolutely nothing to him, a means to an end. 

I’ll admit, reading content where the twins are somehow in a relationship (with an oc or canon character) while still being rather insane, are quite interesting. However, for stuff like that to work in a compelling and ‘actual’ way, characters like that have to be bent because these characters logistically working in that kind of environment may never be realistic anyways. This can be worked around of course, but it takes so much time and effort; even now, as I write my stories for Gotham, I’m still trying to work around how to make these ships work for the twins because they’re stubborn and although they have obsessions they, at their cores are not good people and while they may try, seriously try to better themselves, there will always be slip-ups.

I do agree, they can love but it would always be twisted in some way or another (look no further than Jeremiah with Bruce). They’re also a lot of fun to take apart and analyze or try and come up with a type of background that works with all the hints we’ve been given. Background-wise, the twins are really something a writer can make their own which is an interesting concept.

This turned more so into a long ramble of writing and Ocs and lots of Gotham lol but anyways, I wish I could give you a story to fit your needs. I quite hate when I have an itch for certain fics and I either can’t find them or the number of fics is so daunting that I don’t dare even try. I would recommend just going through them, possibly looking for complete content first, or ones with high hits or kudos (depending on the site you’re searching on) because I don’t have any at the moment I can suggest. 

(Honestly the ideas for the twins never stop coming lol, perks of their backgrounds and everything else being so hazy.)

I hope some of this message was at least interesting lol and I do wish you luck in finding good twin content that delves into their character or, maybe you’ll get lucky and someone will publish something like that soon! Either way, I hope you find something 😘

[charmywrites]

Note: Disclaimer that I have no way of knowing what any idol is truly like. This is all merely from an astrology perspective. This is all for fun and even I don’t take astrology 100% seriously. In short, take this reading with a grain of salt.

For this reading, and future ones, I’m only doing the ‘main’ planets. Aspects and houses will mentioned here and there, though not all. Feel free to check back periodically, as I might add some things.

Also, if there’s typos please forgive me. I read pretty fast, so I often miss them.

Since Mark’s birth time is unknown, I will exclude his rising sign,

Sun in Leo

The Sun is your general self. It’s the top layer to many other layers. And, we all know people are like onions *insert Shrek joke*. The top layer can be strong or weak, depending on other elements of the chart. This is why people sometimes don’t identify with their sun signs.

Ah, Leo. What can I say about thee? The stereotypical Leo often sees the world as their stage, something they must put on a good performance for. Leo is often seen as the actor of the zodiac; dramatic and hard-working. While I don’t buy into all of the stereotypical Leo hype, I do agree that these natives are indeed hard-working -- as we see with Mr. Mark Lee here. Once upon a time, he was in all units of NCT and I don’t think it was just chance that put him in that position. He’s a talented rapper and dancer, not too shabby at singing either when he shows that side of himself. He puts himself out there to the audience by being one of the most talkative members. Whether he’s actively trying to or not, Mark is performing constantly and the world is indeed his stage. Not dramatically like the stereotype of Leo, but as the passionate professional that Leos can be in the business world.

We would need a birth time to know for sure, but with his sun in the 10th house this aspect of hard work and more goes very much into his professional life. They put big expectations on themselves. This is the sign of the lion, they can be proud people. They want to become something. Think the small town actor that wants to make it to big Hollywood. Leos don’t necessarily want to become celebrities, but they want to be successful in some way.

On the other end, I’ve also met the complete opposites of what Leo is expected to be; the quiet and conservative Leos. In these types, it’s quite hard to see the passion of a fire sign in this chill individual. One would sooner think they were a Cancer or Virgo, Leo’s sister signs.

Of the two, Mark is definitely the former -- the expressive and performing lion and SM is his circus *lol*. There’s no doubt in my mind that he exudes that stand-out Leo energy. His sun sign is truly his general self.

A known guilty pleasure of Leos can be attention and dominance. Going back to this being the sign of a lion, they want to be the head of their pride. There’s a tendency to boss people around, even indirectly or unknowingly. An undeveloped Leo will have these tendencies, so they often need people who will keep them humble; which I’m sure Mark has no shortage of, being the most joked on in the group.

Moon in Aries

While the Sun is your general self, the Moon is your emotions; your shadow self.

Let’s add some double passion for this extra fire in Mark’s chart, especially when it comes to Aries. This is the first sign of the zodiac; the child of the zodiac, some may call it. These natives are prone to immaturity and aggressive tendencies. They see life as a challenge and the people around them are rival. Perhaps this contributes to why Mark puts his all into what he does, because he feels challenged by his fellow co-workers and even life itself. Idols often must think of other idols as rivals, even within the same group, so this moon sign doesn’t help such a tendency. Leo already has a ‘look at me!’ aspect to themselves, this also goes for Aries Moon but an Aries Moon will have no problem doing exactly what they say they’ll do.

An Aries Moon’s mind can be on the move 24/7 and they usually say what’s on their mind -- even if their thought process hasn’t even finished yet. Mark talks so much, we can see that he often gets tongue tied by unfinished sentences that he was probably still thinking about. Still, what matters to him is that his opinion gets out. These people want to be heard and, if they’re ignored or too much focus is on someone else, they’ll go on to more engaging things. Again, Aries is the child of the zodiac. They are prone to selfishness and short attention spans.

Just like a Leo, an Aries Moon can have a tendency to dominate their relationships. Because of this, it’s best for them to find a partner on their level that can become equals. Or, to find a partner even more dominant to challenge them. It’s not advised to let this sign push you around, because if one gives an inch then they’ll go a mile. Mark doesn’t give me much of a pushy/aggressive vibe, he doesn’t even seem like someone who would let his emotions control him. This might be due to his Moon Sextile Uranus, providing some emotional detachment and logic to situations. I also hear a lot about this aspect being into social justice and sticking up for people who are marginalized.

Mercury in Cancer

Mercury is how you communicate. It’s your mouthpiece.

While researching this aspect, I came across the phrase “when mercury jumps in the water, it has to slow down”. This reminded me, yet again, of Mark and his many word stumbling moments. The Aries Moon and general fire within him want to go fast, Mercury itself is fast, but a watery Mercury causes some pause that says ‘please slow down, i’m processing this’.

All of the nurturing and motherly tendencies of Cancer can come out verbally from this native. A moment that I’m reminded of is during a function where Winwin looked obviously pissed off at something/someone, Mark was sitting beside him and whispered what seemed like concerned/encouraging words to him. Whether they truly care or not, that Cancer Mercury will naturally come across as sweet and observant.

Mark also seems to observe other members at times and tries to get a feeling off of them, as those with this mercury also get some of Cancer’s intuitiveness. They can also be quite messy, liking to hear about the drama in other people’s lives and might find themselves wanting to help fix it.

Another thing I hear about this mercury is that they can effortlessly get people to care about them. Even if the native is a terrible person, people can easily fall for them (platonically and romantically) because they come off as such sweet people. This is likely due to their tendency to care about others verbally, even if they might not emotionally. I can definitely see someone falling for Mark and thinking their feelings are returned, only for him to not get where they’re coming from. It’s that instance where people fall for those who are simply nice to them.

Mark’s mercury is in retrograde. Retrograde, at it’s base, means when a planet goes backwards. It doesn’t mean the reverse of their sign, it’s an internal struggle that they face. When mercury is in retrograde, these natives often question themselves. They need to be extra sure of themselves, triple and even quadruple checking facts. They think so much because they’re constantly in fear of doing something wrong. This can make the native quite awkward, but very careful.

Venus in Virgo

Venus is generally related to relationships, desires, romance, and love, it also alludes to our ‘type’.

To analyze this venus sign, let’s first look at Virgo. In images, Virgo is usually shown as a woman -- sometimes bearing wheat or herbs. Virgo is portrayed as a 'the virgin’, bringing herbs aka life and healing to others. This sign is one that takes it upon themselves to help others, they feel it’s only right as a human being to do so. It’s the sign of service. Although Virgo isn’t necessarily an emotional sign, wanting to think more logically and in the real world, it’s certainly a sign that takes care of who they love.

Going back to how observant Mark can be, a Virgo Venus can also be quite analytical about their friends’ and partners’ emotions. They want to know how to serve the one they love better and ease their stress. They look at the little details, much like a stereotypical housewife who’s been with her spouse for 30+ years. They read your emotions and provide feedback on it, even if it may not be what their partner wants to hear.

However, they also expect this much detail and care directed back to them. Virgo can also be the nagging parent that complains about how they do everything around the house, but in actuality they don’t let anyone else help them. Virgo Venus knows everything that their partner likes and wants, but it’s hard to figure out what they want because even they don’t know. Most likely, they want someone to help them de-stress and relax for once. They go all out for their partners, but need someone to do the same for them.

With this venus, it’s about doing instead of talking. They’re an earth sign, grounded in the real world. Words mean very little to them if the action isn’t there to back it up. If you love them, prove it through what you do for them. Earth signs can also be materialistic. If you love them, go the extra mile -- wow them. In return, they’ll do the same.

These people can leave relationships, especially in the early stages, over the smallest of things. They’re very picky about their partners, since they go into things like this seriously.

One thing to be pointed out is that Mark’s venus is in retrograde. When venus is in retrograde, a native often can be reserved and questioning about relationships. They constantly question the romance in their life and, therefore, move at a slow pace. Like, very slow. They can be late bloomers. This requires a patient partner to move along with their slowed down pace. They need someone to understand and not rush them, otherwise they’ll feel very uncomfortable and might break things off. They can also feel difficult to love and sabotage any relationships that come to them, even subconsciously.

Mars in Scorpio

Mars is associated with physicality and sexuality, it’s our drive, passion, and anger.

Something I often see about a Scorpio Mars, regarding anger, is that they will always get someone back. Scorpio is notoriously an intense sign, probing into a person’s soul if they can but hiding their own. Their anger isn’t so much physical, but more seen as a pay back for daring to cross them. Their anger is vindictive and personal, striking when their target is at their weakest. To do such, their ‘fighting style’ is going for secrets; to find out their opponent’s weakness and bring them to light. Point blank? If someone causes them pain, they want that person to feel that pain back tenfold.

While a Scorpio Mars can be quite kinky, they can also refrain from sex as I’m sure that Virgo Venus has a hand in. They can even use the absence of sex to control their partner or ‘punish’ them. On the same note, these people want a connection in the bedroom. They can even coerce it out of you through seduction. They don’t want things to be awkward, they want everything feel comfortable and intimate. Ideally, both parties are submitting and giving everything to each other. Well, ideally.

These people often look for others like them, people with obvious Scorpio energy or even someone who seems trustworthy enough to talk to. By trustworthy, I mean secretive and loyal. Scorpios often look for ride-or-dies, people who won’t cross them and take us right back to paragraph one of this section. If you’re into polyamory or have a wandering eye, stay away from this mars sign.

Compared to Mark’s sun and mercury signs, which would be more open to gossiping about sex and previous love, his Scorpio Mars might not enjoy such a conversation as much.

Of all the signs mentioned, the most apparent that I sense in Mark is his Leo Sun. That fast moving Aries Moon and muddling Cancer Mercury come in quite close, but he’s a Leo boy through and through. Something to also mention is that, according to Astrodientist, Mark is an Aquarius dominant with Scorpio in second place. His Leo is actually fourth place, which is interesting. Despite this, the element he’s most lacking in is air; while the highest was fire. An Aquarius dom with little air? It surely contributes to how all over the place Mark seems to be at times. Honestly, he’s so complex that I did this to make some sense of him -- and I’m still left wondering (lol).

[thunderpuffporcupine]

Hey! So...Fantastic Beasts and you - if you're amenable, I'd love to hear more about what drew you in, and what you're excited about going forwards with the series. I am a little mixed on it (but then, half of the fun of fandom is pulling something apart just to say, "But I love it despite all of that!"), so I'd love to hear what you think as more of a self-confessed fan :)

Hello again! ☺️ (It’s so nice to have someone basically invite me to gush about these films, nobody in my offline life does that ☹️). Sorry this took so long.

Honestly, I’d say the main thing that drew me in with these movies is Tina, which might sound weird but I promise I’ll explain it. I would have been interested in the first film anyway because like pretty much everyone who was a kid in the 2000s I basically grew up with the HP books, but every time I saw the trailer the thing that really stuck with me was Tina. This female character, with these quite plain clothes and unflattering hairdo, who was throwing herself into the action and tackling bad guys, but also wasn’t entirely sure of herself and even had the occasional miniature nervous breakdown. There are tonnes of ultra-confident, badass female characters out there and that’s great, but they’re often unfailingly stoic, usually blatantly sexy and, like I said, badass and ultra-confident. For me, they’ve never been very relatable. I have anxiety so like her, I panic easily, and I hardly ever do my hair up or wear sexy clothes or anything like that. I didn’t even mind that Tina screws up occasionally because it makes me feel better about not being good at stuff myself lol. Basically, with these movies I finally feel like I’ve got a female character who I can personally relate to, and that’s honestly the best feeling in the world. 

I guess another thing would be the general aesthetic. I can’t really describe it but the films have this beautiful, delicate-but-striking vintage feel to them which I absolutely love. The flapper dresses, the male characters’ suits and coats, the sets- the Circus Arcanus and the French Ministry are two I particularly love- everything has this slightly shabby real-world quality but it’s always infused with just a hint of magic.

 Oh, and the soundtrack is gorgeous. It’s hard to pick a favourite, but I love the music in the scene when Mary Lou dies- it’s deliciously creepy- and the fact that they play the same music a lot around Modesty, so they’re misdirecting without you even realising it.

In general, really, as well as Tina I just love all of the characters. Newt and Tina especially, but also Credence (I just want to hug him). Leta’s great, I love the moral complexity you get with Yusuf, I love how kind and brave Nagini is- and how they showed through Mary Lou that women can be violent abusers as much as men (but Samantha Morton balances it out with a gentle, delicate quality that makes it doubly creepy). Plus I guess I’ve thought about this world constantly, so the film canon and my imagination have kind of bled together and the characters feel almost like real-life friends now. (I know that sounds weird, but like Newt I struggle socially, so these fictional characters are like my escape. In fact, this whole series in general is a wonderful escape from all the stress and insecurity that comes with daily life; nothing else does it quite so well for me. Hence why I’ll probably go through the 5 stages of grief if it ends before its time.)

As to what I’m looking forward too- just, everything, really. I’m eagerly awaiting explanations as to Credence’s true lineage, obviously; then there’s all the stuff we already know will happen and is super fun to anticipate (Newt and Tina getting married! Dumbledore and Grindelwald duelling!). Also, there were little clues in COG that there’s a romance between Yusuf and Nagini on the cards; if that’s true then I can’t wait, it’s going to be utterly beautiful and, of course, deliciously tragic. Plus it’s fun to guess which city each film will be set in! (My money’s on China for the 4th one.)

Right, I think that’s everything... sorry that was so bloody long! I just needed an excuse to get all that off my chest. If any of that great big info dump doesn’t make sense, just let me know and I’ll relish the chance to talk about this some more lol : )

[thespoonplayer]

(DJ) Spoon’s Review of 2018

This year I haven’t listened to much music at all, at least not in comparison to previous years and I certainly haven’t been to many gigs. I’m sure this won’t last but this year I’ve been busier at work so less likely to plug in, I’ve stuck to the radio in the car just to keep up with how messy Brexit really is (ooer a bit of politics) and my runs have been 100% fueled by podcasts so music has just taken a backseat. However, I couldn’t let the year go past without some kind of list...so here is a pot pourri of my favourite discoveries of 2018.

1. Podcasts

Seeing as these have been so important this year I’ll start here...and cheat slightly by bigging up some oldies, but good enough to bang on about again.

Old favourites : Running Commentary (Comedians Paul Tonkinson and Rob Deering take you on their runs and chat sometimes about running, but always about life, kids, comedy and anything that pops into their heads), Adam Buxton (always entertaining ramble chat from Dr Buckles whoever is on, I’ve learnt stuff and I’ve laughed a lot), My Dad Wrote a Porno (Sheer filth as ever but genuinely caused me to LOL during my runs, wondering if people can hear that I’m listening to chat about vaginal lids).

New entries : Off Menu (Ed Gamble and James Acaster opened their genie run fantasy restaurant a month ago and it has quickly become one of my favourite podcasts ever. Eclectic guests pick their fantasy 3 course meals, simple premise and it works. The Scroobius Pip episode was a perfect clash of two excellent pods), Blank (another late entry into 2018 from Jim Daly and Giles Paley-Phillips ostensibly about blank moments in life but just rammed with infotaining chat from ‘non standard’ guests including a jaw dropping episode with Michael Rosen and fun with Gary Lineker and Susie Dent), Poddin’ on the Ritz (sadly now finished with maybe its only series) this pod recorded backstage at Young Frankenstein by Hadley Fraser and the sublime Ross Noble made me laugh more than any other in 2018, it might be about musicals but their search for Kenneth Branagh’s snowglobes and Lesley Joseph adoration was a joy.

2. Board games

They say a family that plays together, stays together. Well we are together more than you can imagine. We’ve played over 220 games this year! Here are our favourite new games into our collection:

The game of the year is Azul, a seemingly simple tile grab and place game, building up a mosaic prettier than anyone else, is full of strategy and a little (but not too much) shafting of others. If you really want to shaft your fellow players though then pick up Unstable Unicorns, a card game where you aim to grow your stable of unicorns, whilst stopping others filling theirs. SO many different cards, tactics and ways to mess it up, you will swear at some point. Discovered in the excellent new board game cafe The Dice Box in Leamington, we bought Meeple Circus before we left, it’s that much fun. Rehearse and perform the best tiny wooden meeple circus performance, accompanied by a bespoke playlist. Stack the acrobats, balance the lions and raise the bar. Another board game cafe, Chance & Counters in Bristol introduced us to the frantic game of Klask, a cross between air hockey, pool and table football. Slide the magnets around to flick a ball into your opponents hole, avoid the magnetic biscuits and don’t KLASK! When is a game not a game? another game of the year has been played a lot in our house, and it’s The Mind. 100 cards numbered 1-100, no words between players and a tense task to lay cards in ascending order. Simple? yes? possible? nope! but it’s sure to cause fun and arguments. The final two of MY favourite sadly aren’t quite as loved by my family, but I’ll get them there. Sagrada is a similar game to Azul with you attempting to build a beautiful stained glass window with coloured dice. More variations and thinking needed than Azul which adds to the challenge. And finally and lovely chess like 2 player game which transports you to the sun dappled Greek island of Santorini. Take the powers of a god and build the traditional blue domed white houses of the island whilst trying to stop your opponent climbing onto a roof. A lot of ‘aha, you’ve stopped me’ moments.

3. TV

It’s been a long old year at work, and in the world of parenting so we’ve found ourselves flopped on the settee many evenings just soaking up great drama, comedy and chilling ;o)

We are very late to the party with Suits but that means we have 8 series to wade through! Really neat writing, bants and relationships between characters, a ‘don’t worry they will always win’ calmness about it and you get to see the Queen in her knickers...ish. Another Netflix treat this year was Magic for Humans with Justin Willman, a hugely likeable and funny magician pulling off tricks that constantly make me smirk with a huge dollop of WTF? amazing. A huge recommendation. A late entry to my TV highlights of 2018 is from the warped warped mind of Charlie Brooker...of course with Bandersnatch. An interactive choose your own adventure TV ‘event’ (I know) that had us hooked for the full 90 minutes (only if you want to see how much bloodshed you can invoke!). Completely on the other end of the spectrum was the sublime and minimalistic Mortimer and Whitehouse: Gone Fishing. I don’t like fishing and why would I find two old mates just teasing each other for half an hour entertaining? No idea but it was beautiful. Like Radio 4, comforting and perfect. Then a few suspenseful dramas that got us on the edge of the settee, Killing Eve (quirky AF), Bodyguard (did they really kill Keely Hawes that early?) and Informer (bleak bleak bleak) and sweaty bullocks in ‘should be in the next section really’ Bird Box (made Informer seem like a giggle fest).

4. Films

Really haven’t been to the cinema much in the last 12 months and only once to see a ‘grown up’ film I think but kid’s films are SO good at the moment that’s ok. A few stand out films for me were:

Ralph Breaks the Internet, much better than the first one, lots of #lolz internet jokes and more than a little heart. Wrap me up in a duvet and give me a hot cocoa and Paddington 2 any day, tears at the end. A little more sighing but just as much emotion in Christopher Robin, not sure why Eeyore had an American accent but the characters were spot on and nicely faithful to the original concepts. The one time I did venture out for an adult (it’s a 12 so almost ;o) and saw Ready Player One I was delighted, yeah it might not be a) as good as or b) anything like the book but a visual treat and an enjoyable romp.

5. Books

I read A LOT, until my Kindle donks me on the head in bed anyway...literally a tiny selection of books that have kept me awake. 

The Secret Lives of Colour - Kassia St Clair. They say never judge a book by its cover. Well that didn’t work...I bought this purely because it is a beautiful package, the hardback a lot more pleasing imho. Simply 2 coloured pages about how each colour was discovered, invented and introduced throughout history. I never really gave it a thought that colours were...made. Weird and fascinating.

This Is Going to Hurt - Adam Kay. A hilarious ‘secret’ diary of a junior doctor that horrifies at the same time. I think we all knew it was a hard life but bloody hell, if you didn’t love the NHS before you will after this. A thoroughly enjoyable and insightful story of Adam’s journey through medicine. And that ending...wooof.

Moose Allain - I Wonder What I’m Thinking About. I love Moose, I love his colour-me-advent calendars, I love his tweet threads that show the best in Twitter, I love his cartoons and this book is all of those wrapped up in one. And a certain Mr Spoon is to thank for the publication, find me in the back of Unbound funders! An inspiring book for anyone who loves art, creativity and childish humour.

Factfulness : Ten Reasons We’re Wrong About the World - Hans Rosling. A brilliantly clever and educational book about why the world is NOT as shit as it might seem some times. It’s all backed up by real data and lovely lovely graphs!

Lee Child and Ian Rankin. A highlight of the year is the next Reacher and Rebus novels and these two didn’t disappoint. Rebus’ latest adventure Past Tense, is a self-contained story that could introduce anyone to the man machine that is Jack Reacher. Rebus however is back, retired but won’t lie down, in In A House of Lies, an old case comes back to haunt him and will this finally be his downfall? I doubt it!

6. Music

As mentioned, I haven’t ‘been into music’ as much in 2018 for various reasons but I’ve still enjoyed some great new discoveries:

Barns Courtney - The Attractions of Youth, discovered via the use of Glitter and Gold for the theme tune of Netflix’s Safe. An album of ‘cheesy, commercially viable blues and folk rock’ apparently. I just liked the visceral nature of some of the tracks and it always fired me up at work on slow days.

Isaac Gracie - Isaac Gracie, a rare listened to recommendation from my wife. Isaac is everything I claim to like, fragile thin sensitive boys with acoustic guitars....and I do very much with this. Painful screeched out tales of heartbreak. Sublime.

R.E.M. - Live at the BBC, 104 rare and live tracks from arguably one of the best bands ever. Some of the tracks I haven’t heard since my bootleg cassette buying days at Sheffield Uni, when the world was in black and white. Not all tracks are of the greatest audio quality but bliss for a fanboy like me.

Creep Show - Mr Dynamite, a spin off project for Mr John Grant and even from the eclectic crooner this is an odd one. Glitchy electronica with vocoders all over the place. Weird and very Marmite.

Public Service Broadcasting - Every Valley and everything else. The latest offering from the other PSB was a trip through the miner’s crisis and Thatcher years. Bleak? yup but fascinating snippets of well, public service broadcasting and guest stars including the obligatory Welsh rockers the Manics. This album is perfect by itself but it ‘forced’ me to go back and really discover all the PSB albums. The Live at Brixton release is a huge recommendation, I wish I was there.

Rex Orange County - Apricot Princess, maybe I just added this in to seem cool as Rex, aka Alexander O’Conner, was ‘one to watch in 2018′ from the BBC. A multi-instrumentalist that dabbles with hippity hop, R&B and piano pop. The first track alone contains about three musical styles if you wait. 

7. Food & Drink

I run, because I really like food. And thankfully I’ve run a lot in 2018 so I got to enjoy a lot.

I was introduced to the weird fermented tea monstrosity that is kombucha by my sister-in-law. Vinegar tasting drink that may or may not help your gut that grows in your living room. WTAF? However, health benefits aside the LA Brewery Strawberry and Black Pepper drink is something, alongside my pilgrimage to Leon, worth going to London for. I’ve heard it’s also for sale in Solihull but I don’t often travel that far beyond my class ;o) I’d say, try it...but I suspect 9/10 people with hate the flavour. 

I suspect 10/10 people that try the Aldi Black Forest Mince Pies would love them, but you won’t get a chance as I’ve bought them ALL. Aldi are a bugger for getting you hooked then never restocking. I only managed 10 boxes in 2018 and we’ve rationed well so have 12 left to get us through the bleak January weather. Cherries, Dark Chocolate, Chocolate pastry and a smidge of mincemeat. Perfect!

There are many ingredient delivery services available and I’ve only tried Gousto but I don’t know why you’d go anywhere else. 33 recipes tried and 32 of them I’d have again, with the one not so good one was still far better than anything I’d cook by myself. So easy, so tasty and if you want to try it I can give you a big discount that will help us buy another box, a tad expensive without a discount but worth a treat every so often.

Genuinely I traveled to London just to visit Max’s Sandwich Shop...kinda. It was certainly the deciding factor in a day out at the Summer Exhibition (see below). I downloaded the Kindle version of this book when it was promoted in an email, I bought some Scampi Fries and made a Fish Finger sandwich, I crumbled up some Ginger Nuts into a Mascarpone and Jam sandwich and I made a Fried Egg, Shoestring Fried and Gammon sandwich then I NEEDED to go and see how it’s really done. Amazing over the top sandwiches in a rough little hipster cafe in Stroud Green (no me neither and it’s a long walk from the tube!). So good I had to a) buy the hard copy of the book and b) carry half the sandwich home as even I couldn’t manage it all...not with deep fried macaroni balls filling me up ;o)

8. Places

A family that plays together, stays together as a great man once said. And we don’t just play inside, we love adventures so adventures we had.

I’d never been to the Royal Academy Summer Exhibition, as it’s in that there London which often seems hundreds of miles away...but I’m so glad that I visited this year. A trip with a good friend with neither of us knowing quite what to expect. We saw, and laughed, and marveled at, paintings, sculptures, videos, photos, models, and weirdness by Banksy next to Joe Lycett next to Grayson Perry next to Harry Hill, next to me mate Lorsen Camps from Coventry. The SA allows ANYONE to submit artwork for consideration and anyone can be accepted. I think this has to become a yearly visit, awesome.

My parents have been wanting to take our kids, and their big kid, to The Forbidden Corner in North Yorkshire for a few years now...and I’m so happy we finally got round to going. Started as a folly to entertain his children this huge labyrinthine site is crammed with strange sculptures, mazes, tricks and squirting fountains. Many hours were spent squeezing through holes, getting lost and getting wet. Beautifully eccentric.

A family holiday to Brittany meant we could visit the loopy city (it’s their phrase!) of Nantes and more importantly Les Machines d’Ile. Ostensibly the workshop of  a group of engineers and artists that make huge animatronic machines and animals...that you can ride on! Needs to be seen to be believed, the Elephant brings out the big kid in everyone...and we can’t wait to go back in a few years when they’ve built a huge forest over the river with ride on caterpillars and dragonfly. Incredible. The city itself is dotted with crazy art and interactive pieces encouraging play, I know a city closer to home that should be the UK Loopy City of Culture!

Luckily Tilly is a Harry Potter obsessive AND it was her birthday last year so it gave us the excuse we didn’t need to visit the Warner Brothers Harry Potter Studio Tour. Wow, just wow. The incredible detail in everything made for the film, the engineering, the amount of artists involved and the presentation of the exhibition blew us away. I’ve enjoyed everything in this list but this maybe was the most magical in the best way.

Many many amazing experiences warrant a mention, but I just don’t have enough words, include Talking Birds - Walk with Me, Print Manufactory Darkroom Workshop, Ludic Rooms Random String Festival, Go Karting with Tilly, some dancing balloons in Broadgate, Godiva Festival with Tony Christie et al, Bristol Gromit trail, Disc Golfing with my girls, Edinburgh Fringe with Dick and Dom and with another wonderful dick from Coventry starring in Bon Jovi musical We’ve Got Each Other, Pandas! at Edinburgh Zoo, Matilda the Musical with Tilly at last, running the Coventry Mile with the girls’ school, Dippy the Dinosaur in Brum, Wicksteed Park (amazing family fun theme park like what they used to be), Cycling on Stratford Greenway in the sun, Autotesting at MotoFest, Bourton-on-the-Water (it’s just a shame 3 million other people know about this gorgeous village), Giant Pac Man in the city centre, Pork Pie making with a good friend, CET several times, Novelty Automation in London and being on The One Show, a couple of Hope & Social gigs and much much much more fun with my wonderful fam and friends. Roll on 2019!

[openamenta]

Behind the cut, a red responds to @3cool-5u‘s suggestion that she could marry an ex-red when cleaning comes to Baravi.

counting-windows: [brand new account] hey if you're looking for reds to marry after they aren't red any more why did you go through that anitami dude instead of your red friends?

3cool-5u: my friends are kinda mad at me

3cool-5u: it was a thing. it was a long time ago but it was a thing. i've talked about it on my blog

counting-windows: so you don't talk to them any more?

3cool-5u: not so much yeah

3cool-5u: for like a couple years

counting-windows: can you tell me who they are so I can check up on you?

counting-windows: like you seem reasonably legit apart from being extra crazy aged three but

counting-windows: you know

3cool-5u: uh i kinda try to not get people killed anymore and like

3cool-5u: idk who you are man

counting-windows: yeah idk if you gave me a city I could find them through the organizer if I dug around enough probably?

counting-windows: I dunno how to prove I'm red on the internet

counting-windows: I could take a picture of myself holding a sign between my teeth that says "this space for rent" but then I could just be somebody who was good at fucking with photos

3cool-5u: yeah ok i'm in [city in baravi] people uh probably remember me i was kinda memorable

3cool-5u: my friends are like mad at me and stuff but they're not gonna actually lie to you

3cool-5u: so you know

counting-windows: yeah I get it

counting-windows: if I were older I might have heard of stuff at the time but I'm a year younger than you and my parents kind of tried to shelter me since I wasn't gonna be doing outwork

counting-windows: so I didn't hear all the "excitement!  death!" whenever there was excitement/death

3cool-5u: yeah i get it about parents. sucks right

counting-windows: I like mine actually, is that a dealbreaker

3cool-5u: nah nbd

counting-windows: like I don't know that I would have wanted them to be like "by the way, tiny counting windows, everything sucks"

3cool-5u: yeah i mean i'm not on board with not telling kids stuff they wanna know but if you like your parents not my circus not my monkeys, my friends liked theirs plenty

counting-windows: so do you have like any guesses about whether baravi will do cleaning and if it does will they let anybody be blue?

3cool-5u: uhh mom and dad think they shouldn't and mom and dad are like always crazy wrong about this stuff so i kinda think they're leaning towards

counting-windows: that's good

3cool-5u: idk people don't really talk about it much so it's just people yelling on the internet and when has people yelling on the internet ever had anything to do with what actually happens

3cool-5u: so like knock on wood i guess

counting-windows: ~hopefully I won't die~

3cool-5u: yeah! no dying. dying = bad

counting-windows: dead people never look like they're having any fun

3cool-5u: lol

3cool-5u: anyway like. talk to the community people and stuff i guess? and we can work stuff out or w/e

counting-windows: yeah I emailed somebody there

3cool-5u: neat

eagles-wings: Hi! A friend gave me your address, he said you had some questions about an old friend of mine.

counting-windows: yeah apparently she wants to marry an ex-red once there are some here if we do that instead of all dying

counting-windows: so I am like, looking into her

eagles-wings: She wants to get married? That's, um. Surprising. I guess people change.

counting-windows: well, it would be a no kissing thing

counting-windows: apparently kids are a "maybe"

eagles-wings: Huh. Okay, that's less surprising. Still not exactly a thing I'd seen her going in for, but much less so. Maybe she's growing up a little. Good for her.

counting-windows: what happened with the guy who died?  I backscrolled her blog and it came up but not with any details

eagles-wings: She didn't kill him or anything, if that's what you're worried about. She's quite a person but that's not something she'd do.

eagles-wings: He was a friend of ours -- another red -- we all used to hang out, way back when. We were all kids.

eagles-wings: The police ended up coming down on us.

eagles-wings: Because of, you know, a blue kid hanging out in the red district.

eagles-wings: He didn't make it.

eagles-wings: Sorry. Still hard to talk about. If there's any details that would be helpful, I can give them.

counting-windows: did she do anything that was not "hang out in the red district, attract police attention by doing literally that"

eagles-wings: Um. She did other things but they were all pretty much along the same lines? She had a thing of red chalk graffiti in clean districts for a while.

eagles-wings: She and my sister used to build siege weaponry out of spare parts.

eagles-wings: That sort of thing.

counting-windows: I'm sorry your friend died

eagles-wings: Thanks.

counting-windows: is there anything else I should know about her?

eagles-wings: I don't think there's anything that isn't more or less implied by what you know. She's not stupid but she's really not great at making decisions. Hates feeling bossed around but she'll listen to advice sometimes if she feels like you're on her side.

eagles-wings: If you end up talking to her more, tell her I miss her?

counting-windows: okay

counting-windows: do you like, want her to email you, or to just know that you miss her and not do that

eagles-wings: I wouldn't mind if she emailed me but she's less likely to do it if you say so. So just that, I guess.

counting-windows: okay

eagles-wings: Thanks. Hope I helped.

counting-windows: you did, thanks

eagles-wings: Good luck.

counting-windows: apparently eagles-wings misses you

3cool-5u: oh. you talk to him then?

counting-windows: yeah somebody dug him up and he pinged me

counting-windows: he didn't seem mad really

3cool-5u: yeah he's, uh

3cool-5u: yk the thing parents do where they're like

3cool-5u: i'm not mad i'm just disappointed

3cool-5u: but they're totally mad

3cool-5u: he does that thing

counting-windows: oh

counting-windows: maybe it doesn't come across in text

counting-windows: anyway you seem like a fun person and kissing is overrated and if I don't die I think it would be fun to live in such a way that exactly and only assholes are constantly irritated by my existence, like shasali aven, and if they don't let us go blue marrying blue's close enough

3cool-5u: awesome

3cool-5u: this is a good life goal i like it

3cool-5u: you seem cool

3cool-5u: ping me whenever i guess

counting-windows: will do

counting-windows: my name's not really eb but people call me that

counting-windows: and so can you

3cool-5u: cool

3cool-5u: nickname's riz which is i guess not much more identifiable than my blog anyway

counting-windows: nice to meet you riz

3cool-5u: yeah you too!

[anagrammaddict]

The Greatest Show

Wow, I am really running behind on the prompts lol. Wrote this one ine a hurry, so it’s a bit abrupt.

For SpiritAssassin Week 2017 by @fyeahspiritassassin. Day 2. Prompt is: AU

The visitors to the Circus Kyberus arrive long before the show starts. Their ships rumble into the  Circus’s vast docking port, attendants waving fluorescent batons at the guests and directing them along the prismatic passageways, to the central auditorium at the heart of the massive starship.

Come and catch the Greatest Show in Space: that’s what they call the Circus Kyberus, the best galactic entertainment there is -  witness daredevil acts and simply stellar performances, excuse the pun (poor advertising from Ringmaster Chirrut Imwe).

But the lights and the glam and the death-defying acts have all but lost their novelty for the star of the show: the High Voltage Acrobat, Baze ‘Blaze’ Malbus.

He’s been here fifteen years; he’s seen the lot; he knows the tricks even though the other circus folk guard their secrets jealously. But after awhile, one trick is the same as the next, anyway. He’s seen the supersonic chariots, the strong man(droid) performances, the laser pyrotechnics, the electrothaumaturges, the rocket booster trapeze, the trained troupes of giant sklatha salamanders, extinct everywhere else in all the charted systems of the universe, except here in this galactic freakshow.

God, if there’s such a being at all, knows why he even stays. Actually, God just might be the biggest, most grandiose circus act of all.

“And now!” a voice booms from the arena. It’s Ringmaster, in his usual brilliant scarlet overcoat with a trailing bridal train and an equally scarlet top hat. He cracks his whip and sparks fly, rising in a hissing cloud to temporarily engulf him, and the audience cheers. “The star of our show, the one and only High Voltage Acrobat in the entirety of the universe, ‘Blaze’ Malbus!”

The crowd howls and stamps.

The cube-shaped electrical grid that had been assembled quietly during intermission now lights up. Brilliant blinding blue. The crystal shaped spotlights swerve around to direct the full intensity of their beams upon the vast and non-symmetrical lattice, which crackles with electricity. Techno music pounds from hidden speakers, bass rhythms amplified by the arena’s subwoofer network, so it feels like the whole starship is pulsing, a gigantic metallic heart in the vacuum of space.

Baze mounts the platform at the top. Notes the positions of the insulated handholds, the mid-air micro-coordinates where he’ll have to twist his body and avoid the wavy parallel rails. Sets a rhythm deep within his body.

But even this is dull for him. Fifteen years of this crap. He’s old. He ought to retire. Maybe go to this faraway idyll called Earth, the native world of coffee and adorable alien feline creatures known as cats.

He glances down, way down past the bottom transmission bars to where Ringmaster is standing, fire-whip still cracking up a frenzy. If he’s not careful, he’s going to set himself on fire again. And then Baze will have to stop his act and douse him with a canister of coolant. Not for the first time either.

As if sensing Baze looking down at him, Ringmaster turns his face upwards. White-blue unseeing eyes, their colour and their blindness magnified by optic irradiator implants, catch his stare. Ringmaster smiles a lazy toothed smile at him. Baze can see the indents of his dimples from high up here.

For a moment, he pauses, disoriented by the recent memory of Ringmaster in his arms, of that smug smile wiped off his face, replaced by the openness of his mouth, slack, moaning, spit curling out of the corner of his lips as Baze fucked him against the walls of his own quarters.

No, he has to concentrate. Or he’ll fry himself pretty in this grid.

He closes his eyes, tries to find that point of calm deep within.

Then he leaps off the platform, calculating all the way, every nano-second of his freefall. Fizzing strings of electricity leap off the bars and try to attach themselves to his skintight conductive suit, try to connect into the circuit of his own flesh and blood, and the electrical impulses of his own heart. Lightning pursues his trajectory through the grid. The crystal-spotlights start strobing in technicolour. It makes for a spectacular display and the crowd grows more feral with the applause and cheering.

Personally, Baze thinks that some of them would just  love  to see him slip, see what happens, never seen a man fry on electricity before.

He makes a grab for the handhold and his aim is true. Then he undoes the hasp of the swing, calculates, concentrates - and swings across the grid, spinning, eeling, until he gets to the next handhold.

Then he finishes his whole circuit, spends all his moves. It’s banal like that.

He starts to descend, when a tremendous crack comes from below.

Ringmaster has held up his hand for silence from the crowd. Baze stops and stares. Now what?

“You have all seen the magnificent Blaze! Now for the next part of his act…”

The  what  part of  what  act? No, no, fuck this shit, his act is over. What is Chirrut up to?

“..I, your humble Ringmaster and host for tonight, will now ascend to the platform and enter the grid…”

“You will not!” Baze thunders from where he’s standing. But nobody hears him.

“...and I will leap off, without a safety harness or a protective suit…”

“And fall to your death! And then I’ll have to extract your sizzling, charred meat off the rails.”

“..and our one and only High Voltage Acrobat, Blaze Malbus, will catch me…”

“What if I don’t?” Baze shouts, only to be ignored.

“...or maybe he won’t…”

The crowd howls louder than ever. It sounds like they’re baying for blood. Wishing the excitement of mishap upon the performers.

“...and if he doesn’t catch me, then well, let me thank you all for being here with us. You’ve been an exceptional crowd and I am truly honoured to have been your host for tonight.”

With that, Ringmaster sheds off that six-foot bridal train of his robes, and his scarlet overcoat and top hat, wearing only a shirt and red harem pants. He scales the ladder easily to the platform opposite Baze, on the other side of the grid.

He smiles at Baze. “I’m ready when you are.”

“Chirrut, this isn’t in the script.”

“Well, this is an unscripted performance.”

“I’m not doing it.”

“We are already in the middle of the performance, whether you like it or not. Besides, what have you got to fear? You’re going to catch me, aren’t you?”

“You,” growls Baze, “have far too much faith in me.”

Chirrut spreads his arms, tilts his blind gaze to the ceiling. “And  you need to have some faith in me. You need to have some faith in the fact that I have faith in the fact that you are going to catch me, no matter what.”

“I think if your brains get fried on the grid, it’s not going to affect your twisted sense of logic.”

Chirrut laughs. Then he straightens all the mirth out of his face and looks directly at Baze. When he speaks, there is iron in his syllables. “Catch. Me.”

Ringmaster steps off the platform. He hurtles downward, straight as a calm arrow, electricity fizzing in his wake, but never seeming to touch him.

Baze forgets to calculate. He leaps off without thinking, seizes the swing and arcs downward, a hand outstretched, sweeping through the charged air, to lock around Chirrut’s elbow. He hears Chirrut gasp as Baze nearly wrenches his arm loose of his socket, and then twists them safely around to a lower platform.

The audience nearly erupts.

Later, once the show is over, and Baze goes to Chirrut’s quarters.

“Right,” says Baze. “I quit. I’m leaving.”

“Think before you do anything,” Chirrut cautions.

“Says the Ringmaster who jumped off the platform straight into waiting death.  Why would you do something so stupid as that? Don’t you know the risks?”

Chirrut is carefully storing away his ringmaster jewelry and overcoat. “Don’t you feel different?”

“Feel what?” Baze growls.

“All this time. All these years you’ve been working here. You’ve been here far longer than I have. I know your discontent. Boredom. You’re bored with the whole act. Everything is just one shiny routine to you. So why not change things up a little? Spontaneity is the salt of life, they say.”

Baze takes a deep breath. “Just because I’m bored or discontented doesn’t mean I want you to risk  any  part of yourself for me. I can’t - I don’t know what I’d do if - if -”

He trails off.

Chirrut doesn’t say anything for a moment. Then: “I’m sorry.”

Baze is incredulous. “Did you just - say you’re sorry? That’s a first.”

“I’m sorry to have caused you much distress.” Chirrut looks thoughtful. “Though all that distress is unnecessary, if only you’d believed in the both of us a bit more.”

“I knew that apology wasn’t going to last long.”

Chirrut puts his arms around him from behind, kneads the muscles of his shoulder. “Please don’t go, Baze Malbus.”

“Say that again,” says Baze roughly.

“Please.” Chirrut unbuttons Baze’s shirt.

“Again.”

“Please. Stay.” Chirrut’s mouth presses kisses on the nape of his neck, stutters a line along his bare shoulders. "With me."

“I’ll think about it,” says Baze. Then he turns to face Chirrut and kisses him, a deep bruise of a kiss.

***

Later, Baze sits up in Chirrut’s bed. Chirrut is asleep, his body flushed and bare, his sleep unbroken and rhythmic.

Baze thinks of another show he’ll have to do the next night. And the night after that. And after.

He thinks of anchoring himself to some planet, preferably one with an ocean (that Earth place sounds so good in all the ads), where he can learn how to surf. How to fish. How to look at the stars and all the universe from a fixed point, instead of constantly swinging through space in some big flamboyant circus starship.

But then again, he’s already got his fixed point, his anchor.

He gets up from bed and gets himself a glass of water. But he stays.

[wickedangel276]

12/20/18

Christmas is almost here, not ready! I haven’t wrapped even ONE gift! I have to get on it. Especially the gifts for some friends, they are having a Christmas party Saturday, so they have to be wrapped by then. I hope they like what we got them. I wish I could buy gifts for a few other friends, but only able to exchange gifts with a limited number of people. Finances.....difficult times. 

We have a few Christmas plans this year. Cloyie’s Christmas party on Saturday, she’s making a big dinner with ham and turkey. Then we’re exchanging gifts. Then on New years, we’re having a Christmas dinner, have a huge turkey. And I guess we will open gift Christmas eve, since we have plans to spend Christmas day with family. 

I’ve been waking up early again. Not super early. Like 8-9am. I feel better when i’m up early. I have a lot to do today, and I really need to get motivated!!! I need to wrap gifts, for one. Also, the kitchen and dining room are full of “stuff”. Mostly groceries. We have the tiniest kitchen, very few cupboards. I need to organize the cupboards, and a lot of this stuff is going to have to go downstairs in the basement pantry area. Hate putting food down there, though. I wish we had a good size kitchen, average number of cupboards and maybe a pantry on the main level. I so wish. 

We have been trying to get a mortgage to buy a home. Mark and Nathan were trying together. Neither of them have good credit, so it turned out to be a huge disappointment. The ONLY option we have, is to come up with $20,000 down payment to buy a mobile home and land. I may try a gofundme, but I highly doubt we will get any help. I tried when I had a serious medical issue, one family member donated, which I am grateful for. But no other donations on Gofundme. I’d give anything to have our own home again. No worries that the landlord will sell and kick us out, etc.. It keeps my anxiety up a bit. I just want to be able to relax and feel at ease, feel like I have roots somewhere. No more moving. If you pray, please say a prayer for us, that something will work for us and we can buy a home. 

I hope we got enough gifts for Sierra, we tried. I seen a survey online, people saying they buy like 50 gifts per child. HOW? Unless these people are shopping at Dollar Tree..or are wealthy. But where would you put all the new stuff? Unless you get rid of all the old toys, etc..

Sierra outgrew her 10/12 clothes SO fast. She hardly wore them! Crazy how fast that growth spurt happened. We’ve bought several 14/16s and my sweet cousin is giving me a bunch of 14/16s for her, that her daughter grew out of. So, I should be able to go through her drawers and closet and get rid of her 10/12s. I’m hoping to be able to sell them for a little bit, we really need all the extra money we can get. If we were doing better, i’d give them all away. But unfortunately, we need to get a little money back from them. Hate it. I hope one day, our finances will be different, and we can give back more than we do now.

Speaking of finances. I want to go back to school for psychology/counseling, really badly. But I worry that going to school would be a waste of time. I have several medical issues, one of the most difficult is Bipolar. I have a very difficult time staying focused on anything, staying on track. With anything, even every day tasks. I’m constantly trying to get into routines, and I am only able to do that to a small extent. I have a very difficult time trying to keep a job. I start out happy and enthusiastic, then something shifts. I’ll go into a depression and shut down or go manic and can’t focus, lose my routines and can’t handle it. I feel broken. I feel ashamed that I can’t work. I will try to apply for disability again, soon. I know it’s not a lot of money (The total a married couple can make it $1200 a month, he makes $750 now) - but it’s something. Anything helps. I was SO happy when I was working. I never held a job for very long, but this was the one I held the longest, a few months. I worked at Taco Johns, when I was 19. I rented a small house, lived alone. The independence was amazing. I was so happy. A nice, clean home to myself. lol Uggh, it sucks to have the problems that I have, the mental (Bipolar, PTSD, general anxiety disorder) and the physical (diabetes, hypothroidism, heart disease, pcos, b12 deficiency, vit d deficiency, carpal tunnel syndrome, ibs, a clotting disorder, huge ovarian cyst, hernias, and I feel like i’m leaving something out).

I think I may be hypomanic right now. I’m really chatty and my mind is racing. I just came out of an odd depressive episode. I prefer manic/hypomanic over depression. I wonder why the call it hypomanic... It’s a lighter form of mania, hypo makes me think it’s opposite of manic. With the thyroid, hyperthyroid is over active and hypthyroid is under active. So, hypomanic seems weird to me. I’ve never been full manic, I don’t think... Full mania often includes delusions, hallucinations, etc.. Never had either of those, thankfully. 

My Mom has delusions.....the thought of ever dealing with delusions makes me feel physically ill. Her delusions ruined a large portion of my childhood. She felt that she had an “alien family”, would tell stories about them. Their names, what the looked like. Drew pictures of them. Thought they were sending messages to her. Talked about being on the space ship. She would get into very heated arguments with anyone that doubted her. Often, my Dad or brother. She would get it in her head that people have done things they haven’t done and get really pissed off at them. I remember when I was maybe 12 or 13, my best friend at the time was helping me clean my room. Later, my pet frog died. My Mom got it in her head that my friend sprayed the frog with cleaner to kill it........banned her from coming over and me from being friends with her for quite a while. There we other things I won’t discuss, that she felt happened to her. Then, when she was younger, she told me about one time she had a bat (I think it was a bat?), standing over my brother Neil when he was a child, felt someone wanted her to kill him, then she snapped out of it. Another time, when I was a child, she and my Dad and I were staying at Circus Circus hotel in Reno Nevada.. The middle of the night, she felt someone told her to take the lamp and break out the window and jump. She didn’t do it, but that was scary to hear about when you’re 6 years old. I was told all sorts of crap as a small child that I shouldn’t have heard about until I got older. 

I’ve blogged before about my childhood. It wasn’t ALL bad. I have a few good memories. Times when noone was fighting, everyone was happy. Sometimes we’d play croquet. Watch a movie together. Talk about memories or random things and have a good laugh. Occasionally play monopoly or a card game. I just wish those things happened more than the bad things, you know? I miss the good times. I miss having my family together.. Dad, Mom, both brothers. I only have one brother left now, and we are not as close as i’d like. He doesn’t have long distance, so I get that he can’t call often, but he had a cell phone for a while and he could have called me. I’m the only one to call. Sadly, I don’t call often. It’s hard for me sometimes, to talk to him. Because it’s always the same stuff. Everytime I talk to him, I hope to hear of some progress he’s made. Get a job, or see a doctor and apply for disability. Something! But he does nothing to improve his life. He lived on Mom’s money until she died and now he’s living off my aunt’s money. WHAT is he going to do when she dies or simply stops supporting him? I fear he will come to me wanting a place to live and money for his beer and cigarettes. That will be a difficult but strong no. I can’t have anyone else living here anyway. But aside from that, I remember what it was like to live with him and my family. Always negative. Messy. Love to argue. Stick his nose in my business (He did this with Sierra last time he visited). I remember times he put holes in walls, as a kid he’d get mad and pull his fist back with an F-ed up look on his face like he was going to punch me. No F-ing way!!! I love him, I want to best for him, but I can’t do it. If it makes me a bad person, i’m sorry. My therapist advised me to distance myself from him at least until he gets his shit together. Too much stress on me. He doesn’t give a crap about me anyway. I’ve invited him over so many times. I also asked him to give me away at my wedding, close to the time of the wedding he claimed his car was giving him trouble and he could make it. At least two people offered to bring him, one offered to let him borrow her car, and nope....obviously didn’t want to be there. That hurt. He later mentioned not wanting to leave his cats alone. Yeah. 

I still had a good wedding. Best friends and some family. I had my cousin Alissa, on my Mom side in the wedding, so glad she was part of my special day. :) And then my uncle Robert and his wife showed up during the reception, and I was SO happy to see them!! Having Robert there was the closest thing to having my Dad there. He’s his brother, and reminds me of him in some ways. 

Uggh, I don’t wanna wrap these gifts!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! lol