#because while I have a lot of thoughts on them they also weren't the primary focus

[youngpettyqueen]

im gonna make a separate post for my thoughts on the Garak/Julian content in A Stitch in Time because I want to first give all my thoughts on what most of the story was about, of course, which was Garak and his life. so, without further ado and under a cut for your convenience, my thoughts on A Stitch in Time!

first of all I loved this book with my entire heart and soul. its an incredible piece of character writing, strong from beginning to end, and it came as no surprise that Andrew Robinson captured Garak perfectly. you can really tell how much love and work went into this book and into capturing Garak at these different points of his life, and so much of what we see of him in his early life really tracks for what we see of him in the show, and reinforces in writing what we could've already gleaned from him in the show. seriously, just on the basis of how good the character writing is, I will recommend this book to any DS9 fan

I was always looking forward to reading this book just as a Garak fan. he's a fascinating and compelling character, with a lot of layers and complexities, and an incredible amount of emotional depth. and this book truly delivered in diving into all those layers of all, all those depths and nuances. Andrew Robinson makes it very clear why Garak is the way he is in DS9, and how he's always been the way he is, for better or for worse. there was never a moment of this book where I went "this isnt Garak", from childhood to post-DS9. you truly get to see how Garak's youth shaped him, and set up who he would become, and it all makes such beautiful sense

I love that throughout the backstory pieces, Garak's sentimentality is constantly his undoing. and I especially love that no matter how hard he wants to stop, he cant. this comes through the most with Palandine, from his days in Bamarren with her, to when he has an affair with her, to when he cant help but see her one more time even when he's been warned away and it ends with his capture. but we dont just see this with Palandine, we also see it with Lokar in Bamarren when Garak lets himself be lulled into a false sense of friendship, and is subsequently blindsided and betrayed. and again, with Remara, even though he is suspicious of her, he cant help but be drawn to her. and later still, to the Federation negotiator. he's a sentimental sap who craves connection, and love, and this bites him in the ass over and over again, but he cant stop himself from trying. how compelling, how beautifully tragic. it makes the end of the book, with its hopeful look at Cardassia's future and heavy focus on Garak's connection to Julian, all the sweeter. because finally, Garak can be sentimental and open and connected. finally, its working out

I love the unflinching approach Andrew Robinson takes to Garak's past. we know from the show that Garak's past is dark and unpleasant, and in this book it isnt sugarcoated. Garak hurts people, he kills people, he manipulates and lies, and he enjoys controlling others through fear. he's capable of great cruelty. I love that this is an internal conflict at times- when he's on Romulus, raising a deadly poison in the garden, and he wonders how Tolan would feel if he saw what his teachings were being used for. but what I love for the most part is that Garak treats torture and killing like its just another day at work, cause to him, it is. its just another job. another assignment. the casualty of the horrific things he does is just so well written

speaking of ways that Garak sucks- love the way his feelings towards Bajorans was presented. in the show I always felt it was a bit unclear whether or not he actually believed what he was saying about Bajorans, or if he was just doing it to piss people off. A Stitch in Time makes it very clear that Garak does believe that Bajorans are an inferior species, and that he is incredibly prejudiced against them. but it also establishes that even with that, he's BETTER than a lot of Cardassians are about Bajorans, which I find interesting. he thinks Dukat is a barbarian for how he treats Bajorans, the enslavement of Bajorans disgusts him, and there's an extent to which he feels pity for them. like dont get me wrong, he's still awful about Bajorans, but its interesting to see where he draws the line compared to other Cardassians like Dukat and Lokar

Garak's family life had me by the neck the entire time I was reading. finding out he didnt even know Tain was his father until he was into adulthood... I need to rewatch every episode with Tain but especially In Purgatory's Shadow/By Inferno's Light because I need to see that final scene between him and Garak again with this knowledge. and Tolan, I loved Tolan. I loved him a lot. I love that he wanted to be Garak's dad, and desperately wished that Garak could've been his son. I love how influential he was throughout Garak's life, and how he was the source of his sentimentality and all his soft parts. I love that Tolan clearly wanted to save Garak from the path he saw him going on, and that in many ways, he succeeded. it wouldnt be for years and years to come, but eventually, as we see- Garak is on the right path. Garak embraces what Tolan taught him, and thats what allows him to heal. to step up into his place and work for a better Cardassia

to me, one of those important scenes for this in the book is right towards the end, when Garak is in the meeting with Madred and the others. and how he's fully planning on being here as a double agent, doing what he's always done best, and then it just hits him how ridiculous it all is. how ridiculous this group is. and he laughs, and he leaves. this is Garak choosing not to stand in the shadows. this is Garak stepping fully into the light, and stepping up, and embracing a brand new role. he's no longer one of Tain's night people. he's free. its a beautiful scene, I could've honestly been cheering if I wasn't so sick while I was reading it last night. one of my favourite scenes in the entire book

ill tie that scene into one of my favourite dynamics in the novel- Garak and Pythas. I love that they were genuinely friends, and that they took pleasure in each other's company, and cared about each other. this is really the one major instance where Garak's sentimentality doesnt do him in as he's growing up, and I love that, and I love how it makes him cling to Pythas all the more. I was fucking ecstatic to see him and Pythas reunite towards the end. I love that Garak got that one bit of happiness, to see his old friend alive, and still happy to see him. that was incredibly important to me, and I couldnt be happier with how it turned out for them

I did love the Garak and Palandine relationship. it was sweet, and desperate, and always doomed to end in tragedy. to me, Garak's relationship with Palandine confirmed what I already knew- Garak has never been able to deny himself what he wants. he knew having an affair with Palandine would end badly for him, but he couldnt stop himself, because he loved her. I also love that we dont get to find out what happened to Palandine. personally, I think shes either dead, or she fled off-world. and I think its important that Garak doesnt get that closure, and he doesnt pursue it- to me, this is where he has to deny himself what he wants, and I think its crucial that he does it not for his own sake, but for Kel's. and he's right to do so. Garak is the man who killed her father and broke her family, so to pursue her for answers about her mother would be an incredibly selfish act on his part. him choosing to leave Kel be, to not approach and to simply attend the meetings, is a massive sign of growth. I was legit emotional while I was reading that bit, but that might be partially because, again, I was incredibly sick last night while I was reading it so I was very sensitive

some other Garak dynamics I loved seeing. I loved that we got a few scenes of Garak and Odo, and their very strange friendship. I love that Odo asks Garak to make clothes for him. I love that Garak genuinely enjoys the task. I love that Odo will join Julian and Garak sometimes for their lunches. I love that we saw the first stages of Garak and Quark's relationship, which I would read as somewhere between professional association and genuine friendship, as much as either of these characters will allow. and the surprising sweetness of the Garak and Rom dynamic took me by surprise, and left me wanting more. I love that Garak is just genuinely fond of Rom and likes him, and that Rom is just chill with Garak and talks to him. the Garak and Kira scenes were so good, and so insightful into them and their strange dynamic. I love that Garak looks back on talks he's had with Kira, and finally has to understand her rage. I'd love to know if he ever reached out to her sometime post-DS9. that would be an interesting relationship to explore

gonna wrap this up now. I truly loved this book so much. what an incredible character exploration. I cannot give Andrew Robinson enough props for so effectively setting up everything we know about Garak, from his sentimentality to his tailoring to where he'll go post-DS9. every chapter had me by the neck, wanting more more more. I could barely put the book down. I think the scenes inserted into DS9 were incredible, and read so well I had no trouble visualizing them. but most of all, I just loved getting to see all these different stages of Garak. I loved seeing what made him into the man he is in the show. I loved seeing what he's doing after. I loved where this book confirmed what I already knew, and where it challenged me and kept me guessing. every choice and interaction and line felt so true to Garak's character, and thats a truly impressive feat. seriously, I cant praise this book enough. I thoroughly enjoyed myself every page of the way

if youre a DS9 fan and you love Garak, and you havent read A Stitch in Time- I highly recommend it!

[grison-in-space]

I'm genuinely sorry, I was really tired and couldn't think of the word that mad pride movements use. I'm new to all of this. I thought you would be more open to it because you've reblogged from radical leftists (anarchists and communists both) within the past couple of weeks and they're all for Veganism afaik. The argument that all brains are different but equal and should be treated the exact same is a primary aspect of mad pride from my understanding, and that speaks to me about animals just having different brains, and that they don't deserve to be exploited and killed for us just because they're different. I'm not spamming people with it, but I was inspired by an ask by a nonvegan and started asking popular bloggers why they weren't vegan to open up conversation and potentially change people's views on animals. If I've made you uncomfortable I'm sorry, though I admit I'm really confused by your standpoint. You do know that the only reason communism hasn't succeeded is because of America? Anyway, sorry again, I'm also autistic and I didn't mean to dismiss your legitimate dietary needs. Can I recommend acti-vegan's posts? While I understand that you can't go vegan, perhaps their blog will at least help you understand our points, they're much more well-written than my asks and they have plenty of legitimate science resources at hand. Thanks for listening, I'll take your advice into account. I'm not trying to not listen, it's just frustrating because so many people say they get it but they don't change, and if they truly got it they would, you know?

Okay, I get that you didn't mean to be offensive, and fuck knows I shouldn't throw stones when it comes to forgetting specific words. (This happens to me fairly frequently; it's a thing.)

The argument that all brains are different but equal and should be treated the exact same is a primary aspect of mad pride from my understanding, and that speaks to me about animals just having different brains, and that they don't deserve to be exploited and killed for us just because they're different.

So yesterday I actually wrote out and then deleted a whole paragraph to the effect of "part of my deep, deep frustration with animal rights activism hooks into my commitment to the phrase 'nothing about us without us,' because I frequently see the same kinds of emotional projection without making the effort to listen to animals on their own terms from animal rights activism groups."

The first thing I need to make clear to you is that this--veganism and animal rights activism (ARA) more generally--is not new to me. I am in my mid-thirties and I have never had a job of any kind that did not revolve around animals in some way, I've spent time in rescue spaces and vets and universities, I'm queer and I have spent most of my life in leftish progressive circles, so it's kind of hard to miss.

Essentially, you are proselytizing to me as if you were a newly baptized evangelical convinced I had never heard of Jesus, because if only I had heard and understood his holy word, I would be converted instantly to his light! It's not any less irritating when the belief system isn't explicitly a religion.

More under the cut, because this one is long.

Disclaimer one: Veganism isn't synonymous with ARA ideology, but it's deeply entangled with it, and ARA ideology drives the movement of veganism as a (theoretically non-religious) ethical decision. And I object very strongly to the framework imposed by ARA activists. When I say I am not vegan, I am saying that I have considered the ethical framework that underpins veganism as an ethics movement and I have deliberately rejected it.

The second piece of context you should know that when I talk about being a behavioral ecologist, I mean that I'm a researcher who works on animals and that my framework is rooted in trying to understand animals in their own natural ecological context, without necessarily comparing them to humans. There's a lot of ways to study animal behavior you might run into, including attempts to understand universal principles of behavior that transcend species (animal cognition) and attempts to understand how to better treat animals in human care (animal welfare). You know Temple Grandin? Temple Grandin is an ethologist (the field that gave rise to behavioral ecology, also focused on animals within their species context) who worked on animal welfare (finding ways to make slaughterhouses less stressful to livestock, among other things).

Third point: my profession also means is that I work directly with animals--in my case, currently mice--and that I do not think research with animal subjects is wrong as long as all efforts are made to ensure maximal welfare and enrichment for the animals involved. This is another major bone of contention politically between my entire field and ARA groups, and you should know that I have also spent my entire professional career under the shadow of, well, people who care strongly enough about those ideas to invade my workspace and potentially seize my animals and "free" them into a world they do not have the tools to survive in.

So there's where I am coming from. Let's get back to what you're saying. Here, I'll quote again in case you have the same crappy short-term memory I do.

The argument that all brains are different but equal and should be treated the exact same is a primary aspect of mad pride from my understanding, and that speaks to me about animals just having different brains, and that they don't deserve to be exploited and killed for us just because they're different.

Point the first: Even within humans, I don't think that all brains should be treated the exact same. Especially in a disability context! After all, what is an accommodation if not an agreement to treat someone differently because they need certain things to access a space? Accommodations by definition fly in the face of this "treating everyone the same" understanding of fairness. I think all (human) brains are equally valuable, and I think all brains are worthy of respect, but I do not think that it's wise or kind of me to assert that everyone should be treated in the same way. For one thing, I teach students. If there's one thing teaching has taught me, it's that a good teacher is constantly assessing and adjusting their instruction to meet students where they're at, identify failures of understanding, and keep the attention of the classroom.

Point the second: animals do have different brains from humans. That does not mean that animals are inferior, but it does mean that they are alien. There's a philosophy paper, Nagel, What Does It Mean to Be a Bat, that you might find illuminating on this front. Essentially, the point of the paper is that animals have their own experiences and sensory umwelts that differ profoundly enough from humans' that we cannot know what it is like to be a different species without experiencing life as one, and therefore we must be terribly careful not to project our own realities onto theirs. That is, our imagination cannot tell us what a bat values and what it experiences. That is why we have to use careful evidence to understand what an animal is thinking, without relying on our ability to identify with and comprehend that animal. I have watched ARA groups deliberately encourage people to shut their reasoning brains off and emotionally identify themselves with animals without considering within-species context for twenty years. This is a mainstream tactic. It is not an isolated event and for that reason alone I would be opposed to them.

Point the third: there is a definite tendency in lots of people to care deeply and intensely about both animals and people who are seen as "lesser" in status--children, poor people, disabled people, etc--just as long as those groups never contradict the good feelings that come from the helper's own assessment of themselves and their actions. In humans, when the "needy" point out that some forms of help are actually harmful, the backlash is often swift and vicious. This is why animals are such an appealing target of support and intervention. They can't speak back and say "in fact, you are projecting my love of this frilly pink tutu onto me, and I think it's uncomfortable and prevents me from walking." They can't say "I kind of like it better when I don't have to worry about getting hit by a car, actually?"

(By the way: this is also why it's offensive to compare disabled people to animals, because this is generally done at least in part to silence the voices of disabled people speaking for our selves and our communities. We have access to language, and we use it, thank you.)

All forms of animal welfare intervention going right back to the founding of the first RSPCA have been incredibly prone to being hijacked by classist, racist, and otherwise bigoted impulses. This is because animals offer an innocent face for defense that conveniently cannot criticize the actions taken by their champions, and they therefore provide a great excuse for actions taken against marginalized members of human society. Think about the very first campaign the RSPCA ever did, which was banning using dogs as draft animals: a use that is not inherently harmful to dogs, which many dogs actively enjoy, but also one that was specifically used by poor Londoners and which in fact immediately resulted in a great butchery of the dogs that Londoners could no longer afford to feed rather than allowing poor people and their dogs to continue working together. No one was, of course, challenging the particular uses of dogs or any other animal favored by the wealthy. This kind of thing is so, so, so common. Obviously it doesn't mean that all interventions to prioritize animal welfare are inherently bigoted, but it does mean that we have to be critical about our choice of challenges.

On top of everything, the animal rights activist movement's obsession with "exploitation" is a function of the idea that humans are sinful or otherwise Bad in how we interact with animals by definition. For example, take the chicken rescue near me that is so obsessed with the possibility that some human somewhere might benefit from an animal in their care that they implant every hen they adopt out with hormonal implants such that the hens no longer lay eggs--a function that is normally a natural byproduct of a chicken's reproductive system, fertilized or not. A mutualistic relationship involves both parties benefiting, and that is the case for an awful lot of human relationships with animals. In general, the idea that associating with animals is a thing that can only harm animals rather than being a trade between two species to enrich one another is all over these groups. It's just so myopically focused on human shame that it prevents practical interventions that might benefit everyone, and often promotes interventions that don't directly benefit animals but sure do make humans miserable. For example, this kind of thinking is why groups like PETA are absolutely awful at effectively rescuing unwanted dogs and cats: they think pets living in "bondage" with humans are an essentially sad outcome, rather than one that might be mutually enjoyed by all parties.

I'm tired and my meds haven't kicked in, so I'm not currently going to handle the communism thing except to point out that while the US absolutely did destabilize a number of leftist regimes in South America and Africa, Russia and China between them have certainly not treated their own people kindly, either (and more so their own client-nations, as with the former members of the USSR). Please do some reading about the Holodomor and Lysenko in Russia (and frankly all of the details of Stalin's regime) and the Cultural Revolution in China in particular. Khmer Rouge might be worth looking into, too. I am not saying the US's hands are clean, you understand, because they are not; they're as steeped in red as anyone else's. What I am saying is that for people living on the ground, communist revolutions have this nasty habit of turning into bloodbaths and arbitrary slaughters. Do not let your distaste for the US's bloodsoaked imperialism (which, yes, is and was bad) let you fall into the trap of becoming a tankie.

And if you don't know what a tankie is, you really, really should take some time to learn.

[starstruckmoony]

Hello! May I request a muggle AU with Theodore, with this meet-cute prompt: "they're on opposite sides of a wedding party to the bride and groom" (prompt is from @/thewritersafterglow on Instagram). Thank you! I know this request is in good hands :)

aaaaaa thank you anon! <3 this is the first request i've got in a while (again tysm it made me very very happy <3<3) and i had lots of fun writing it so i hope it meets your expectations!

can't help falling in love.

masterlist , requests

pairing - theodore nott x reader

trope/tags - muggle!au, strangers to lovers-ish, fluff (side note - this isn't particularly realistic because i don't really know how weddings work in different parts of the world, so i kind of just went by how they function in my country and some bits and pieces i've managed to pick up from movies and such. i know it probably won't be accurate for everybody but i tried my best LMAO)

word count - 3k

warnings - language, drinking, smoking, cheesy at the end

when you recieved an envelope in your mail one fine morning in late may, you never would have expected it to be an invitation to your primary school classmate's wedding in the english countryside. you could still recall the wonderful memory of choking on your coffee and scaring the life out of your poor cat when you saw her name plastered in big letters in the center of the paper, right below a picture of her and her fiancé. it was a miracle how she remembered you existed. to be frank, you were kind of honoured, and you made sure to confirm your arrival almost immediately. hell yeah, you were coming. free food and alcohol? who in the right mind would pass on that?

so about three months later, sometime in mid-august, you found yourself inside of a crowded venue, sweating buckets in your silky green dress, without a fan, or anybody to keep you company. a few of your old classmates were there too, but not a single one of them bothered to offer you a greeting. what a bunch of arseholes.

you stood leaned against the wall in the very back where there were fewer people, attempting to cool yourself down by fanning the air around you with your hands as you waited for the godforsaken ceremony to finally start. to nobody's surprise, the bride was a little late, and the groom's family was in a mild state of disarray. it was kind of funny, but not as funny as it would have been if you weren't feeling so bloody hot. do they not have air conditioning in here? how do people get married in these conditions? and why does the best man look more terrified than the groom?

the loud sound of somebody's shoes scraping against the tiles right next to you shook you right out of your train of thought, and you placed your hand against your chest in horror, "jesus christ." you muttered under your breath, the unfamiliar man attempting to catch his breath scared the life out of you.

he glanced at you for a split second, appearing rather exhausted (aftermath of sleeping through five alarms and having to run to the venue because his friends were too lazy to wait for him), "sorry." he offered you an apology breathlessly, leaning back against the wall to steady himself. you thought that you were being overdramatic when it came to the heat and the current atmosphere of the wedding, but this man seemed to have surpassed you. he was rather handsome though, despite being drenched in sweat from what you assumed was running, also paired with the humid air inside. his eyes were strangely captivating, and he looked a little too good in that suit of his for it to be considereded legal. were you staring? you were probably staring. you trailed your eyes away, pretending to be entertained by the groom's father who was attempting to explain the situation to the guests. you cursed inwardly, realising that you'd be stuck in there for a long time.

you turned to the pretty guy again, deciding that you should, perhaps, talk to him, "you don't look like you wanna be here." fantastic start. those probably weren't the words he wished to hear in those circumstances, but your observations didn't seem to annoy him at all. he actually chuckled instead, "am i that transparent?"

"quite." you responded a little too nonchalantly than intended, taking a quick glance at the door in hopes that you'll see the bride come in. nope. you returned to your original position. how wonderful that was, more waiting.

"do you have any water in there?" the man spoke again, pointing at the purse you had tucked under your arm.

you took it in your hands and peeked inside, knowing that you most likely wouldn't have what he was asking for, "no," you shook your head, but continued rummaging through it, "i have this, though." you pulled out a tiny bottle of liquor and shrugged before shoving it into his face.

he didn't hesitate to grab it, he would have taken anything that was liquid enough. he drank it all, not that there was much, before handing the bottle back to you with a scowl. he coughed a little as the alcohol burned his throat, and you couldn't help but snort. 

"i don't know how smart that was." it wasn't, really, since it would only dehydrate him more, but it worked for the time being. he coughed again, falling back against the wall, finally able to breathe somewhat normally.

"you'll find out in a few hours," you didn't miss the smile that painted his features, and it encouraged you to carry on, "how do you know the bride... or the groom?" you questioned, wanting to keep the conversation going to kill at least some of the remaining time you had. you were bored out of your mind.

"the groom," he nodded briefly, "we went to college together, funny bloke, he invited me and my two other friends who are... somewhere in here," he stretched his neck as his eyes scanned the crowd for a short moment, "eh, whatever." he shrugged, and then reached into his pocket, but quickly retrieved his hand. it was still empty. you had assumed he reached for a cigarette before he was able to remember where he was.

"you won't go looking for them?" you queried, finding his neutrality over the whole situation slightly bemusing. it wasn't every day that a hot guy like him ditched his friends for you, and it was rather pleasant to think about. he was hoping he wasn't being so obvious about it, but you read him a little too easily.

"what, bored of me already?" he questioned, a hint of playfulness in his tone.

"i might be, now that you said that." you scowled in pretend disgust, drawing a breathless laugh from him. you shortly sunk into a not overly uncomfortable silence, both internally debating with yourselves about whether you should keep it going or not. you were kind of drawn to each other, after all. the consequence of attending a wedding without a date must have had an influence on it, you told yourself. he mustered a similar, lame explanation.

"i'm theodore, by the way." he decided to break the ice after a while, and you almost sighed in relief, "y/n." you shook his hand politely.

"nice wedding." he added, his face scrunching at the sight before him. the sarcasm in his tone was obvious.

"delightful, isn't it?" you offered the older lady that passed by you a forced smile, and then eyed her giant pink hat judgementally. you and theodore resembled a mean high school couple who had an opinion on absolutely anyone and everything, just standing there, laughing amongst yourselves and making fun of all the other guests and their stupid pastel outfits. it made sense why your classmates hadn't approached you, but you didn't let them occupy your mind any longer. you found yourself a like-minded companion for the night, one that was ten times funnier, and the prime example of eye-candy.

"imagine she never shows up." theodore said after you shamelessly fed one another with some interesting past gossip about the bride and the groom. judging by what he had told you, those two were a match made in heaven. and you could say that with your whole chest.

"god, don't plant that idea into my head. i spent my last three paychecks on this bloody dress." you snorted, dusting it off when you noticed that it had got a bit dirty.

"it looks perfect on you, though." theodore's little compliment took you off guard, and he must have noticed judging by the way he grinned.

"thanks." you felt yourself blush a little at his comment, and just as you were about to open your mouth to speak again, the bride's mother burst through the door, announcing that her daughter would be there shortly. you exchanged a relieved glance with theodore, fucking finally.

despite the long wait, the ceremony played out quite beautifully. the couple exchanged their vows, humourous and tear-jerking all at once. people laughed, people cried, somebody's baby did both. the best man hadn't forgotten to bring the rings, and the maid of honour looked happier for the bride than the bride. nobody backed out last moment, and nobody objected after the infamous "speak now or forever hold your peace". you left the venue with a smile on your face, pleasantly surprised.

theodore and his friends offered to give you a ride to an even larger venue where the reception was being held after you told them that you had arrived with a cab, and you happily accepted their offer. the two idiots he came with were just as unserious as he was, and you had soon found out that they all attended the wedding with the same intentions as you. eat food, get drunk (and then sleep in the car because mattheo wants to get wasted but doesn't want to run them off the road and kill somebody in the process).

the reception, thankfully, moved a lot faster than the ceremony. by some sheer dumb luck, you had been instructed to sit at the same table as theodore, lorenzo and mattheo. your shitty classmates were there too, so you assumed that the table was designed specifically for that - old friends from school that the newly weds didn't talk to very much, but still liked them enough to invite them.

so, after the grand entrance, loud clapping and cheering, a cute speech from the bride, more clapping and cheering, the best dinner you had had in a while, a few more emotional speeches, and even more clapping and cheering (hollering this time, too), the dj finally showed up. it was the part of the night you had been the most excited for. the first dance was absolutely beautiful and even brought a few tears to your eyes, but god, the moment you heard an onset of lower-than-nightclub-quality music blast from the speakers, your hopes had all gone down the drain.

the dance floor filled up in a matter of seconds, and you had never been more appreciative of the existence of wine. not a single song that was played in the span of fourty-five minutes was your cup of tea. and as different people's requests kept incoming, it only got worse.

theodore seemed to be having the same problem. mattheo too, considering he had about five shots in less than half an hour. lorenzo wasn't doing much better either. he was entertaining himself by making paper planes out of tissue paper and leaving them on the table like a strange art project.

"this music is terrible." theodore's voice was completely drowned out by the godawful sounds coming from the speakers, you couldn't hear a thing he was saying.

"what?!" you shifted a bit closer to him, covering one of your ears with your palm to subdue at least some of the noise.

"i said that this music was terrible!" he tried not to shout, but it would have been impossible for you to comprehend whatever he had said if he hadn't done so. yes, it was fucking awful. many people would disagree, considering how many of them were still on the dance floor, either fully wasted already or slowly getting there. at least the newly weds were having a good time, both slightly tipsy too.

"tell me about it!" you yelled back, rolling your eyes. you considered asking him to accompany you outside, for a smoke or something, though you didn't really need an excuse. anywhere would have been better than in there. but you chickened out before you were able to speak, continuing to sip on your wine in silence. silence, that was funny, mostly because of how unbearably bloody loud the music was.

lorenzo suddenly stood up, and he yelled something into mattheo's ear. the other stared at him in confusion, and then burst out laughing into his face. he turned to you instead, and you saw his lips move, but didn't understand a thing he was saying.

"huh?!" you and theo yelled out in unison, and lorenzo waved his hands dismissively at you, defeated. he pushed his way through the crowd on the dance floor and shuffled over to the dj. he threw an arm around the man, probably trying to make some friendly conversation. they seemed to be getting along.

perfect. you reached for the wine bottle, refilling your glass and taking large gulp. you were hoping that lorenzo had enough charm to sway the dj into playing something else. it took about twenty minutes of insignficant chit-chat for the man to finally nod and give him a thumbs up, and that's then the beginning of dancing queen blessed your tortured ears.

you gasped in shock, immediately getting up onto your feet and latching onto theodore's arm. he didn't really protest when you tugged at his sleeve and pulled him to the dance floor which got even more crowded than it was before. mattheo managed to fall out of his chair, but he followed the two of you and joined you in the mass of people.

"thank me later!" lorenzo yelled your way before a pretty girl grabbed his attention. the night got so much better from then on. the dj appeared to have whipped up a large playlist of abba's work, since the songs were playing one after another, each one bringing your mood up. you had completely blocked out anything that had happened before you heard the tune of the first song, and you had only returned to the table with theodore to refill your glasses before running back to the dance floor.

you couldn't recall the last time you had that much fun, singing your heart out, jumping up and down, showing off some ridiculous moves, letting theodore hold your hand and spin you around. the dj stuck to the same genre for a while, playing old pop songs, keeping everybody on their feet. some of them you didn't know, but you weren't about to sit back down after doing so for almost two hours, so you danced to them too nevertheless.

that is, until your legs started hurting a little too much for it to be tolerable and your throat had got a bit sore from belting several songs with the bride. your head was spinning too, courtesy of having so much wine. theodore took the opportunity to ask you to accompany him outside (because he really needed a cigarette) after some slow tune neither of you were familiar with had been put on.

you nodded your head took a hold of his hand as he led you out the door. you clumsily made your way down the stairs, laughing as you did so. the effects of alcohol were beginning to show themselves.

as fun as it was, getting out of there for a short while was a need. you slumped down onto one of the stone benches placed outside the venue, sighing comfortably as the chilly breeze of the night cooled you down.

you immersed yourself into another casual discussion, not a very significant one, as neither of you could even stand properly for too long without stumbling, but it was nice breather from the wild atmosphere inside. you liked talking to theodore, and even with your clouded thoughts, you knew you'd want to see him again after this. there wasn't a doubt in your mind.

"i thought i'd have to leave early." theodore laughed to himself as he took the last drag from his cigarette, and then tossed the burnt out stub onto the concrete.

"and make me stay here all alone?" you teased, although you probably would have left too if it wasn't for lorenzo and his skillful flirtation tactics or whatever the hell that was.

"who said i wouldn't bring you along?" his response made heat rush to your cheeks, and you put your head down with a breathless chuckle. you were quiet for a moment, trying to recollect your thoughts.

"you know, this might sound a little weird, but," you chewed on the inside of your cheek, not really able to think straight. you were tipsy, after all, "i'm glad i met you today," you tilted your head to the side, drunkenly observing him, "you're nicer than i anticipated." as backhanded as it sounded, that was the best you could do.

it was theodore's turn to blush after you said the words, and it didn't manage to go past you, despite him trying his hardest to hide it.

"yeah, i mean no– it's not weird, i'm uh," he trailed off, contemplating whatever it was that he wanted to say next. honestly speaking, he didn't know how to put it into words, "i'm glad we met too, you're–"

one thing that theodore hated was tripping over his words and not being able to be blunt with somebody he took a liking to, which is why he was so, very grateful to hear elvis' can't help falling in love coming from the inside of the venue.

you looked up at him when you realised which song it was, waiting to see if he'll ask you to dance. and he did, but he didn't lead you back in through the door like you thought he might. you stayed outside in the light wind, slowly swaying to the music, his hands on your waist and your arms around his neck.

you liked it better that way, just the two of you in your own little world with nobody else to disrupt you. you let your head rest on his shoulder, and his grip on your waist tightened just a little bit, like he was making sure you won't leave him. you smiled to yourself, god, that was the last thing you were planning on doing.

[moyokeansimblr]

Moyo life update

Hey friends so yeah uhm... Well after our old man kitty Zook passed on the 4th my dad decided pretty much immediately that we'd be getting kittens because he thought we needed kitten therapy. Initially the plan was only to get 1-2 because we do still have Sophie (Zook's sister) and while she adores the pants off me she's admittedly a grouchy old lady towards everyone else so we weren't sure how she'd do with a kitten. She's also 15.5 so that's why my dad wanted more than one kitten because Sophie doesn't play much.

My brother's girlfriend knew a family that had a litter of 4 kittens and the plan was for us to take 2 so as to not overwhelm Soph. But get this: on the 4th while my mom and brother were saying goodbye to Zook at our vet... a 12 week old kitten just waltzes up to the door! One of the vet techs grabbed him and was like omg he's here for them! But the other tech wouldn't let her interrupt my mom & brother so she took him home with the plan to tell us about him when we were slightly less sad. When my mom called the vet Friday morning to settle our account she told us about him and he was ours an hour later. My brother named him Waffle (short for wunderwaffe dg2, idk spelling I don't play cod).

But we still wanted Waffle to have someone who wasn't 15 years older than him so Saturday morning we went to meet the litter of 4 kittens my brother's girlfriend's mom's friend had. It was pretty easy, two of them clearly liked us most right away. So by mid day Saturday had two more kittens. They're 8 weeks, and named Pez and Cooper. Cooper is the runt and the first thing my brother's girlfriend said when she saw him was oh my god he's so derpy. 😹 But my dad said he thinks Pez knows Cooper is a little behind and looks out for him.

So far they're all separate. Waffle has his space, Pez and Cooper have a space, and then Sophie has reign of the house. They've had a few supervised meetings that have gone well. Sophie's gave her warning hisses if they've gotten too close but otherwise has just watched them. Pez and Cooper aren't scared at all because they came from a house full of other animals but Waffle is pretty scared. He gets all poofy and growls both at Sophie and the other kittens but we don't think he's had experience with other cats since nobody knows where he came from. So we're working on him so he'll be less scared.

ANYWAYS, because I work part time and from home I am the primary cat carer. Between all the cleaning/kitten proofing, giving Sophie ample attention, and acclimating all three kittens I'm utterly brain fried. I've been trying to work on some CC but I've not been able to sit down and actually play sims at all in weeks what with how sick Zook was and now kittens. I did have a sims 2 birthday gift planned but there's no way I'll get to finish it or any of the other CC I've got in progress by that date. I really just want to play but I'm in cat mode so it's what it is. But in the meantime while I can't play I've been watching a lot of sims YouTube content instead (like sammy sundog's service area videos) so that I can still get my sims fix until whenever I get to play again.

I'll end this post with a pic of my good old girl Sophie because she's handling all of these changes pretty damn great so far. But yeah long story short basically I don't have anything sims to contribute to Tumblr right now. Hopefully soon.

[triumphantbass]

Dawntrail Retrospective

Okay, it's been two weeks since Dawntrail launched, a bit over a week since I've cleared it and have had time to think things over, wanted to do a big dump of my thoughts, a non-scored review of it all.

Full spoilers after the break.

So, I want to give this all a nuanced look; I know this has been a polarizing expansion; I did very much enjoy my time while still having some qualms, and I'll try to highlight both sides of that here.

Overall, while it would be low in my expansion rankings, that's not to say it's bad. Just as I probably bump Heavensward up a bit in my rankings because it did so much with so little (in terms of budget, gameplay tools available, story to build on, cast, etc.), Dawntrail takes a hit because I know what they're capable of these days.

But a 10 year saga is a tough act to follow, and I know if this was my first FFXIV experience (it might be a lot of people's one day, if the 'second saga starting point' for new players they mentioned ever gets implemented), I'd be going 'oh wow'.

Anyways, before I pick things apart, I'd like to highlight what really worked for me.

Sphene was my problematic fave. I know Artificial Intelligence tropes can be overdone, but I have a fondness for them because when done right, an AI is clearly authored by someone. Just like a biography, even an autobiography, paints the subject in a certain way, an AI really reflects the creators' biases.

Just as the soul technology was shown as a mechanical version of the aetherial sea, Sphene really felt like a sort of digital primal for Alexandria, the people's desires latched on to her, sort of a vtuber Zodiark.

I loved the development that her compassionate personality (taken from the OG Sphene) was distinctly incompatible with her unsustainable primary directive, protecting and preserving Alexandria's way of life (the directive from the people)

And I appreciated that part of the thesis statement of her character is "a Garnet who never traveled with Zidane would become a tool of Alexandria, her kindness taken advantage of as a figurehead''. Which makes it nice when Wuk Lamat breaks through during The Interphos to appeal to her.

She can feel like a bit of a rehash of Hades and Metion, but I do enjoy the contrast of her valuing life too much to Metion not valuing it enough; it's important to know how to live in spite of despair, but it's also important to accept that even memory is not forever.

Also while I'm here I have to say I absolutely respect the zone change of Living Memory from stunningly beautiful to hauntingly somber. I hope that change is not reverted in patches, as it's absolutely the starkest environment change in the game.

I like the idea of casting aside nostalgia to care for the living, and I thought this zone was a welcome surprise from the "Golden City" imagery a South and Central American expansion invokes.

(PS, massive Simulated Twilight Town vibes)

And I thought Cachuia was well done in this zone; I was a bit antsy earlier with how they made her into just a drone, but I liked the resolution between her and Erenvelle

But one thing I want to stress as I sing the praises of the last zone and change, is that neither half of this expansion works without the other, because unlike other split expansions (SB having the Gyr Albania and Yanxia halves, EW having Islabard then the Ancients), it felt clear in why it had both halves, and that was for the contrast of the same theme, Namely, the ideas of culture, tradition, and history, and how they affect the living.

When Wuk Lamat is giving her speech during her ceremony, she notes one of the societies taught her "they believe death is not the end, and we live on so long as we are remembered", which Sphene says almost verbatim of her people later, menacingly polite as that same belief is twisted.

There are some roots of this conflict in the first half too, with Koana's disinterest in culture and tradition, before realizing progress and culture weren't incompatible.

While Alexandria instead takes it to a logical, Black Mirror extreme, discarding culture and history, literally forgetting anyone who passes (while assuring themselves anyone who is lost still lives on) and living purely in the present moment; death itself removed from the public circle.

I don't think the Alexandria half, the modern, present-focused society works without first setting up a region with a rich culture and history.

In the first few regions, you see how those who walked before led those who walked after, while in Heritage Found... you see a heritage lost. On both sides of the divider there are abandoned buildings; a sidequest in the graveyard has the keeper note that memorials have fallen out of favor due to regulators, Alexandria had a perfect record of history (data, people, all stored in the cloud), but didn't use it; specifically keeping it away to prevent painful memories from affecting the present. While Yok Tural had an imperfect history (a lot in legends, retold/inconsistent oral history), but that history distinctly affected their day to day; even the painful memories, the tragedies, all played a part in shaping the present.

Even though it could make the pacing clunky at times, I did like that Wuk Lamat's basic setup of "learn about these people and understand why they make the choices they do" extended to Solution Nine and even Living Memory.

Garool Jaja was also a very good character, loved his performance, do kinda wish his solo duty where he confides the true nature of the contest was the very start of the expansion; I feel like it would have set the tone for this being the "The WoL is a mentor arc" better.

Also to wrap up the good side: every single dungeon and trial was ace. Dungeons finally hit a good level of difficulty for normal content, and were well designed and very pretty. Vanguard and Everkeep in particular were delights, as was the postgame dungeon Tender Valley.

------------------------------------------------------------------

And on to my more mixed feelings.

Wuk Lamat- I don't hate her, but I don't like her that much either. I tried to keep an open mind for the full MSQ, but ultimately she's not a character I really vibed with; I do get the shonen protag/Naruto appeal, but it's really not for me. She's been described as 'Lyse 2.0', and while I admit I have similar feelings about Lyse, I do think Wuk Lamat has a more natural progression. Lyse started Stormblood feeling like a 20 something on a mission trip, while Wuk Lamat feels like a reasonable candidate who just needs a little encouragement.

I don't mind too much our WoL taking a mentor role and taking a backseat, while downplaying their powers; but what I struggled most with was fatigue. Wuk Lamat was always there, like the memes of "Talk to Wuk Lamat" say. Like Shadowbringers was the expansion where Graha was the main character, and a lot of the time he was away doing city stuff or being mysterious. Wuk Lamat would have benefited from more time to breathe, especially in the back half of the game. She should still be there in the back half for sure, for the expansion to work she needs to be a player in all this, but I'll admit I sighed when I got to Solution Nine thinking I'd explore by myself (probably bumping into her at one of the locations) but instead needed to escort her. As I noted earlier, I don't mind the Interphos interruption (though I did appreciate the chance for the WoL to be at full strength) because Wuk Lamat appealing to Sphene's humanity fit the expansion themes well.

Succession- I'm happy this didn't go into my worst fear: a retread of the Azim Steppe where we actively interfere in another nation's politics by being their champion; but it left a bit to be desired. Notably, while I knew the Scion Civil War was a bit of a misdirect, it felt kinda pointless? Like Thancred and Urianger are here helping an alumni from their university out as he applies for the same job, but they're totally chill with you. And honestly there are no stakes to him getting the job, he's the only other qualified candidate to the point where you hire him later yourself.

I didn't want any longstanding inter-scion conflict, but for a character as frequently duplicitous as Urianger and driven as Thancred it just felt like a waste.

Also, GJJ clearly told the WoL that the keystones didn't determine the victor; he would pick a successor that was worthy- I kinda wish they just stuck to that. Having the "good' rulers and "bad" rulers paired together for the cooking challenge felt like a bit of a cop-out, , plus needing to win back a stolen keystone, etc. just felt like missed opportunities.

Zarool Ja and Bakool Jaja - I get what they were going for in the end with each of these: ZJ being the "impossible son of an impossible son, the weight of expectations causing him to shun those around him, and that loneliness twisting him", BJJ being desperate to help his people, feeling the major survivors guilt of his own life costing so many others.

but neither of their narrative arcs are smooth, and in the first half, especially during the trial, they seem to be doing comically evil Wacky Races Dick Dastardly behavior with no regards for a continuous arc. BJJ releasing Valigarmanda was the icing on the cake for me. He could have done this in a reasonable way, weakening the seal in an attempt to sabotage the trial, then feeling guilt over what he did in desperation, but no he walked up to the gate keepers like 'no I'm evil, I'm gonna destroy that now' any hints of ZJ sympathy come like, during his trial and from the Wandering Minstrel, who even notes most will see him as a one dimensional tyrant

I also think they could have distinguished both more from just being warmongers; in the same way that Wuk Lamat and Koana are somewhat aligned but have different visions, personally it would have made more sense to me if BJJ had a different brand of conservatism; putting a stronger emphasis on defense and isolationism rather than world conquest. It would fit his background better too, as someone who wanted to protect his homeland

--------------------------------------------------------------------

My most negative thoughts are really just pacing. I would like to not have so many quests just running around talking to people, not learning much of note. I know there are only so many things you can do (stand in purple cloud and kill 3 enemies isn't great either), but at this point I'd honestly just take a shorter MSQ if it meant better story pacing.

I know the first half is meant to be like an abbreviated ARR, and I don't mind it being low stakes, just wish it had a bit more polish.

I will also say I felt a lot more limited in my dialog at times? Like I don't need every box to have "I'll kill your god if I have to, maybe even if I don't", but there felt like a lot of instances where you had two ways to say the same sentiment. I like it when the game lets you have opinions, even if the opinions are objectively bad (you can straight up tell Noah the Allagans were visionaries) A lot of that pacing was more actual story content than the quests though; the first three zones could feel like extended allied society quests (solid enough ones), which wasn't bad for a 'fresh start', but Shalooni is where things felt off. I liked the vibes but frankly the quests left barely any impressions at all.

(loved the trolley dig though)

------------------------------------------------------------------

Overall, like I said, I enjoyed my time. While it may not be a favorite expansion, it sets a good baseline for another ten years, and I hope they can refine it in the patch series and beyond.

There's a lot more I could probably say, I realized I didn't have a chance to touch on Erenvelle (very glad he tagged along) and Krile; but I feel I'll have more thoughts on both of their plotlines after the patch series.

P.S. though I rolled my eyes at some of the running jokes I genuinely got a chuckle out of Wuk Evu always freaking out then snapping back to polite with "well I won't overthink it then" and similar. Felt very Chocobo Racing GP.

P.P.S. Wood-carved owl nouliths are the best idea. A+ weapon.

[blitzyn]

Thoughts on modern Jock!Childe ? This au lives in my head rent free and iusudgdbjchdhdjchcbcksg

HELP I WHILE I WAS WRITING THIS I KINDA FORGOT THAT IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE JOCK CHILDE. i hope this is ok though. if it's not u can request something else/the same thing and ill try my best to come up with something more related to what u want. also!! i wasn't sure if you wanted nsfw or not so i just kept it sfw

gn!reader

> I can see him playing American football or hockey, truthfully. He enjoys the thrill of dangerous body-to-body contact and fast paced gameplay.

> He, surprisingly, knows how to play various other sports, too. He may not be the best, but he is well informed on the rules and the general idea of how to play. Just give him about 10 minutes to get the hang of it, and it'll be like he was born for that sport.

> He devotes a lot of time on his primary sport, but always makes sure he does his school assignments. Alongside with his desire to be the best in his sport, he also strives to be phenomenal academically, even if the work he turns in isn't the very best sometimes.

> Now! Childe isn't one to focus on romantic relationships very often. He doesn't believe he has a need for one. He's got enough attention in his school as it is. He's confident he could find someone in record time with the sheer amount of fans he has, but he also doesn't want to waste his time on someone if they don't truthfully like him and only view him as a trophy to flaunt.

> But that's also where you come in! It took him a while to get to properly know you, much to his delight. Don't get him wrong, he enjoys meeting new people and the small talk it brings, but he prefers the challenge of figuring out someone's quirks and habits before they tell him.

> You had also treated him like he wasn't a star student-athlete, and more like a friend. Like his status in school didn't matter. Although that was later into your friendship; you had spoken to him rather coldly at first.

> He was interested in how you so easily ignored the envious glares of particularly obsessive supporters when the two of you were chosen to be partners during a project one time. In previous experiences, some of his partners took it upon themselves to do most – if not all – of the work, leaving Childe with the sole job to present in front of the class. You did no such thing. You made sure to cut the workload in half between the two of you and kept it upon yourself to remind him of the upcoming deadline and to produce good work.

> He appreciated how you treated him like an equal, even if it was a bit harsh.

> And then came the dreaded time when a specific project required one of you to head to the other's house in order to properly complete it. You knew he had quite a number of admirers, but you'd never realized some of them would go so far as to begin threatening you (most of which you knew were empty), or even resort to going physical in order to instill fear.

> Of course, you never took them seriously. After all, they were diehard fans that would forget about Childe as soon as school was over. Although it did annoy you how they disrupted your routine for the sake of their own satisfaction.

> One fateful day, as you were making your way towards Childe's house after you had to go back to yours to grab something, two obsessive admirers managed to spot you. At first, they were easy to ignore, but they had very quickly resorted to shoving you to the floor when you refused to give them the reaction they wanted.

> Luckily, you weren't too far from Childe's house, and he managed to spot you from one of his windows. You'd never forget the looks on their faces when they saw him walk up with a cold, unamused, and almost angry glint in his eyes.

> After they had left, he insisted on buying you something in return for having to deal with those types of people because of him. He really was sorry!

> You begrudgingly accepted his offer, and went on a 'date' with him.

> It took quite a while of you denying your feelings for him for you to finally admit that you did, in fact, have a crush on him. Although it wasn't during a desired moment (it was while you were playing a game of truth or dare), it felt relieving to reveal what you had felt for so long. You were very glad to know that he felt the same.

Now, more about your relationship!

> You were very surprised to hear that Childe had been talking about you to his family. Even though it was your first time meeting them, it seemed as if you were an old friend to them.

> Loves to give gifts. You have no idea how he makes so much money to buy you things you've always wanted or even things you lingered your gaze on for more than five seconds. It always makes you feel a little bad since you don't give him anything very often, but he reassures you that all he needs is your smile. And a kiss.

> Very affectionate, too! There is not one moment where he doesn't at least have a hand on your body. It's even worse – or better, depending on how you see it – in private. Hugs you all the time. He does understand if you're more reluctant with physical touch, though. He asks for permission every time he wants to hold you unless you specifically tell him you're okay with it.

> Has a death grip when he's asleep. Once you're in his arms, you're stuck there the entire night. It'll take either you being stronger than him or some miracle to tug yourself out of his hold. It's kind of become a problem that you had to learn to accept.

> Loves kisses. He plants them everywhere - your forehead, cheeks, lips, neck, arm, anywhere where there's skin showing. It's mandatory to kiss each other before one of you leave the house. Even if you're only leaving to get the mail.

> I see him as more of a competitive arguer. A lot of the time, you two only argue about small things like where the TV remote goes or who's making dinner that night. But in the infrequent instances where you are genuinely arguing, he can't help but go on and on until he gets the last word.

> If you buy him a piece of jewelery, he always makes sure to kiss it after he takes it off in the locker room before a game. It's his good luck charm!

> Enjoys showing you off, but tones it down if you feel uncomfortable about it.

> He finds it hilarious when you try to squirm away from him after a victorious game. You whine and shout about how sweaty he is, but you're more than happy to give him his kiss. Most of the time.

> Occasionally waves to you when he gets the chance during his games. He loves seeing the smile it brings to your face when he does so.

Super sorry it's short, I ran out of ideas lol

[potato-salad-uk]

I've been meaning to make this post for a while telling my experience with the new Splatoon 3 DLC Side Order. I've been having a lot of fun playing it and I just wanted to tell people my thoughts and experience.

Warning This will have some spoilers for Side Order

Color Chips

The color chip system is very fun and interesting and I like all the funny builds one can make with them with my favorite being the all drone chips. I do have one small complaint about them tho which is that some chips were for some weapons weren't in the primary or secondary color so that is making them a bit harder to collect all data from them.

Weapons

I love all the weapon chooses and that are given to us and even if I'm not good with a certain weapon I can always choose color chips that can make it easier for me to use an example of this is how I struggle with using the roller but with faster firing and faster rolling speed I can use it with ease. I have beat the game with all the weapons and I had a lot of fun doing it, non of them felt like it was too hard but also not too easy.

Story

The story for Sure Order was a bit underwhelming to say the least, it wasn't too hard to understand and the way that you unlocked the bits through Instagram like stories by Marina locked in the lockers was fun and gave me another reason to want to beat the game with every weapon just to see what was the cause for Side Order.

The World

The World of Side order was so beautiful even if there was barely any color in it it didn't feel lifeless even though all the white coral was supposed to represent coral bleaching which is a very dangerous thing that is happening. I love th music of the Order sector and the foyer with the sounds being represented by in game effect of shapes going in and out of existence which is something I can't say I've seen in games before.

Music

I was only a little disappointed that Acht aka Dedf1sh wasn't making the music for Side Order because I really enjoyed their music, but Free Association wasn't bad at all my favorite songs are Cold Storage and Je2ting. I have been a fan of electronic music for a while now and having a "game" that 90% if the songs are electronic was so cool, I even listen to the songs when I'm not playing which just makes me want to play Side Order

Characters

Pearl and Marina are so gay and it's fun to see Acht have to deal with it. Im glad that Acht didn't turn out to be a bad guy because I just love them too much, they are just such a silly goose and I want to give them head pats. Eight is there I guess having to deal with another horrible experience, seriously girl needs a break, but it was fun to know that she went on tour with Pearl and Marina that was just so cool. Smalusk is so cute especially because he wants to be so big and strong but he's just a little guy.

That's about it if you want to know anything else about my experience playing Side Order let me know I'll also up load some screen shots I took in the reblog <3

[phoenixyfriend]

Last night I stayed up until about 4 AM rereading @glimmerglanger's fic "Bush League," and then today I got around to gushing about how their Cody characterization is basically one of the best on AO3 in Discord. Since I like to make sure the people whose fics I like actually hear that love, I'm going to share what I said here.

(Also to convince to read some of their stuff even if you haven't already. CodyWan isn't even in my main ships but I still read their stuff because it's just that good, and also because their Cody is so good.)

This goes out to imo one of the best fic writers I've run across in this fandom.

So to kick this off, I jumped into SW fandom right about when CodyWan was ramping up. I joined Feb/Mar of 2020, and that coincided (though I didn't know it) with the S7 release. That means that the ship was basically everywhere, and a lot of my early fic reads were based off of things that other people recced to me, things linked under cool fanart, things by authors I already knew from other fandoms, or niche trope searches.

Among those early longfics I read were a few glimmerglanger pieces, namely "Like Real People Do" (I don't actually remember how I found this one, it was probably fanart), "A Slow Fall Towards Grace" (through omegaverse filtering), "Flotsam and Jetsam" (tumblr fanart), and "Home on the Range" (don't remember how I found it, probably recced, or after I started following them on tumblr).

Bush League came later but it's also one of the best examples.

So this author is, IMO, really good in general. I don't have the same interps of canon across the board (because Star Wars is massive and you pick and choose your canon because it conflicts with itself, so everyone takes a different road for interp), but objectively, their fics are very solid and internally coherent.

They are particularly good at:

- Subtlety and nuance - Unreliable narration - Small hints of outside events that suggest a fuller universe

What canon gives us about Cody is that he's:

- very competent - well-respected - puts high value on loyalty to his brothers - puts high value on loyalty to his ideals (represented by the Republic) - while he has a dry sense of humor, he's also prone to playing personal things close to the chest (that parts a bit YMMV but it's the vibe I got) - he trusts Rex a nearly insane amount

What glimmerglanger does in their Cody POV fics is play those elements against each other in an understated way that feels genuinely human. Bush League has the main conflict embodied through 'loyalty to ideals' hitting cross-purposes with itself, and 'plays it close to the chest' heightening the problem until something snaps. That Cody's ideals are in conflict because there is what he was instilled with (a significant amount of internalized homophobia and toxic masculinity) and his better sense that he can be better, unlearn some of these things, that maybe his parents weren't right, and that Ben is a swell guy, maybe it's not that big of a deal that Ben likes guys, it's not a huge flaw when he can pitch like that, right

Crucially, lot of it isn't presented consciously. Cody doesn't realize he's unlearning some of those things, that he's subconsciously very aware that the things he was taught are wrong, that he's consciously trying to find compromises in those thoughts because the last eighteen years of things he knows can't be wrong, right?

And of course all this balances with the regular, small reminders that, if he is this thing he was taught is bad, if he is friends with someone that is 'bad,' then he will have one of his primary character traits (loyalty and love for brothers) sabotaged. This is even touched on in the epilogue of the fic.

Honestly, IDK how intentional it was to parallel this sort of denial and internal conflict to "Cody starts to question the structure of the army and has to hide his slow realization that they are slaves, is even in denial about it, because to speak out means to have his authority and influence removed, so he can't even try to keep his brothers safe anymore," ...but that is something I also like to see in Cody characterization, and it's definitely a good parallel if so.

glimmerglanger's skill with nuance and subtlety is something I really appreciate in general, because my focus as a reader tends to be short comedy, which often doesn't have the same room for dynamic, developed characterization. (My other focus is time travel, which runs the gamut, but that's a different rec list.)

I think that, on a casual read, some of their writing can come across as a very 'standard' reading of Cody, but it's never actually flat. The flaws and thought patterns tend to be pretty consistent across works, so even in wild AUs, I have the sense that this is the same person. I'm also a huge believer in how denial, especially characters very consciously not thinking something, can inform a character to the reader, and that's a pretty common thread across their Cody and Anakin POVs (for different reasons).

Flotsam and Jetsam is an interesting one on account of how it's Obi-Wan POV with a massive language barrier (human and merman, English and Mando'a). Cody isn't even conscious for the first part. It's also a fic that benefits a lot from having a canon to base off of without actually taking place in that canon. The reader can guess a whole lot about Cody's situation that Obi-Wan cannot, because we know the structures that are informing the original context, and can guess in a few ways at how they take shape in the new, so even when Cody is largely unable to communicate, the reader gets things out of it.

Anyway, glimmerglanger's Cody is one of my favorites because they manage to juggle all the things I consider core to Cody's character without necessarily having to come out and state them, so even when Cody is dry and private and 'standard,' he still feels like his own fully realized person that's consistent with both canon and with what I'd expect someone in his situation to be and do.

Okay, rant over, I have many feelings and I want to pump up this author as much as possible, go read their stuff, it's good.

[averys-happy-space]

was doodling the cinema trio and realised some design parallels & contrasts between all of them and thought id put it into a post because why not

design-wise fang and maisie are actually really really similar, ive always thought this but i didnt realise just how similar they are until i started listing all of it to someone i was talking to on discord

both wear sleeveless tops

both wear loose/puffy high rise pants, both of which are also cuffed at the bottom

both wear gloves

both have the popcorn logo somewhere on their design

both wear sneakers (whereas buster wears boots)

could argue both have unnatural/dyed hair colours, though i googled it and apparently it is possible for dark skinned people to be naturally blonde but its just v rare... rare enough that i reckon this point still stands

both have golds + reds as their accent colours - buster sorta has this but its much less obvious/striking compared to the other two

this makes it sound like buster is the odd one out which he v much is at least design wise. but he has some similarities with the others too:

all 3 wear something around their foreheads (bandana, sun visor, headband)

all 3 wear blue pants of varying shades

maisie and buster both have a tool (fire extinguisher / film projector) where fang does not

fang and buster both have something slung over one shoulder (suspender, film loop). theyre on opposite shoulders too (something something one completes the other)

and then there's the differences / contrasts:

this one blew my mind when i realised it but fang is mostly primary colours (red yellow blue) whereas buster is mostly secondary colours (orange purple green). feel like this point isn't that strong though if you consider that buster also has black & grey + blue jeans too, and fang's hair is arguably more purple than dark blue. but i still thought it was interesting enough to mention anyway. also, maisie is a mix of both palettes (red yellow blue / purple black + her skintone is an orangey brown).

fang's hair is made of sharp edges, while maisie's is categorically rounded, and buster is somewhere in the middle where he shares fang's sharp edged bangs but his hair curls around the back, making it more rounded like maisie's

they all have different eyebrow shapes (triangle, rectangle, oval). could probably make an argument for this being reflective of their personalities with fang having the most sharp edges (most aggressive, reckless, confident); maisie being sharp in the sense of being very perceptive, responsive, quick witted but still less intense than fang; and buster being the softest, most shy, most protective

their personality is reflected in their playstyles too which are all starkly different - fang is aggro, maisie is control, buster is defensive. also means their trio can be a well rounded team in 3v3s too (which they were until maisie and fang got nerfed lol)

lots of cool design choices. knowing the release order was fang -> buster -> maisie can also help explain why buster is so distinct from the other two as well i think. because stuff like the popcorn logo seems like a strange thing to leave out of his design until you realise oh, the designers probably weren't thinking of having that be the logo of the theatre the trio work at until maisie came along and they realised it'd make a good logo/emblem.

there is also something to be said about fang and maisie being so similar because at first glance you'd think they're complete opposites - one is reckless and carefree, the other is literally a safety coordinator. that's definitely the impression you'd get from watching the animations from maisie's release as well. but maisie's bio admits that she lowkey enjoys dangerous situations and i think deep down she is actually very similar to fang in that they're both thrill seekers. she's still far better at keeping a level head when things go wrong than he is though

buster and fang being opposites is also really cute, at least to me. opposites attract and all that. i also think buster's actually a lot smarter than the maisie release animation gives him credit for, especially considering he was able to customise a film projector from the theatre for his own personal use. writing this now though i think one thing they do have in common is they're both pussies lol. as much as i hate the willow release art where fang is in shelly's arms, i do like the idea of him being a total wimp, just because it directly contrasts against all his other personality traits. buster is also clearly easily spooked if you look at his release animations in the ghost station. but he still saves gus in that one animation and i think thats indicative of his bravery - he'll always do the right thing even if it scares the shit out of him. fang, uh... probably not as reliable for that lol

[micamicster]

Hi! Do you have any romcom (movie) recs? I feel like i hypothetically like the genre, but have a lot of trouble finding ones i enjoy. So many romcoms feel so formulaic (in a dead way) and misogynistic and stale to me. I think they’re a lot easier to do well in the context of a series because there’s actually time to build. Recently i thought rye lane and fire island were fun. I like kdramas when i have the time for all the episodes because i appreciate the build. I need chemistry— people who both convincingly like each other and seem like actual human beings. I thought you might have some good ideas! Thanks <3

HELLO LARGE VOICED ANON <3

I hope you weren't waiting on my recs all day haha i have been. hm. hungover af <3 (i'm going to leave kdramas off this list for now but if you would like specific recs for kdrama romcoms send me another ask and i can try to do them justice!)

I think this is a genre with underrated range! So one thing that I find very interesting about the genre of romcoms is that I think there tends to be a split between romcoms whose goal is, like, to be a fun lighthearted movie with a central romance, vs romcoms whose goal is to Say Something About Love in the vehicle of a funny movie. Both of these categories are represented on this list but for giggles i will not be saying which i think are which <3

anyway recs under the cut <3 i will link my tags for these movies if you want to take a look but be warned for spoilers ofc

I think for your purposes my primary rec would be Lovesick (aka Scrotal Recall). It's a (short) tv show so it would likely give you the chance to get to know the characters and see a slower build. In contrast to the frustration you've had with some more "formulaic" romcoms the writing in this show is very deliberately in conversation with romcoms of the past. Also it's just one of my favorite romcoms ever made so I rec it to everyone. The premise is that a young man, Dylan, is diagnosed with chlamydia and instructed to tell his past partners. Being a hopeless romantic (emphasis on hopeless), he decides to try to turn this into an opportunity to revisit relationships that didn't work out, and try to figure out where he's been going wrong. Two simultaneous storylines play out in each episode, the flashbacks to the exes (and breakups) and the present, where Dylan's best friend is getting married.

Older romcoms: When Harry Met Sally (ive heard this is divisive? but idc its SO funny and so well made), Moonstruck (a romantic-comedy in the operatic sense. also cher <3), The Philadelphia Story (katharine hepburn the woman u r. tw for a classic 1940s gag about punching ur wife in the face), Bringing Up Baby (screwball comedy my beloved), Roman Holiday (audrey hepburn is lethally charming in this movie), Dirty Dancing (someday ill write something this good and then You Will Realize), Much Ado About Nothing (i tend to enjoy either the danielle brooks shakespeare in the park version or the classic tennant/tate combo)

Teen romcoms: 10 things I hate about you (young heath ledger and young julia stiles ur welcome), to all the boys i;ve loved before (lana condor is ADORABLE), The Half of It (my other favorite sort-of romcom of the decade)

More recent-ish: Speed (like its keanu and sandra what more do you want), Strictly Ballroom (i used to watch this literally weekly as a child and I WAS RIGHT TO), Miss Congeniality (sandra bullock what u did for us all <3), Fire Island (thank u 4 my LYFE), The sandra bullock/channing tatum movie that came out last year (i forget what its called but he's so funny in it), Mamma Mia AND Mamma Mia Here We Go Again (beautiful greek islands, abba, cher, what more can you ask for?)

Indian/bollywood: Jab We Met (after dramatically quitting his job, Local Man somehow ends up escorting a woman he meets on the train while she attempts to elope with her boyfriend. aka classic screwball comedy heroine and Guy She Dragged Along For The Ride), khabie khushi khabi gham (multiple generations of romance and family drama featuring Kajol, the Most Beautiful Woman In the World), Band Baaja Baaraat (two wedding planners fall in love--great choice if you want to watch idiots ambushed by their feelings)

Other tv recs: Selfie (john cho and karen gillian in a show canceled far too soon)

[woman-for-women]

hii! i was wondering if there was anywhere I could message you privately? i’m a 14 year old girl who socially IDed as FtM for 5 years but now want to detransition and I don’t know where to go or where to start. xx

Hi! Firstly, you can message me, but if that's something that makes you uncomfortable, I can try to point you to resources right here! Feel free to send other asks :)

Talk to a trusted adult in your life. It could be a parent, an aunt/uncle, a teacher, or an older sibling. The adults in your life probably want the best for your health and happiness. It's great if you reach out to me, but at the end of the day, the adults in your life know you the best and would probably want you to talk to them first before a stranger on the internet. I'm guessing your parents will probably be open to hearing what you have to say.

Contact your doctor or a local gender clinic and ask if they can point you towards detransitioning resources.

Search online and see if there are any detransition support groups near you (unlikely this will pan out, but it's worth a try). If you happen to know anyone who has detransitioned, you can also reach out to them.

If you are able to, please look into counseling. If you are dysphoric, you can ask for a counselor that will help you explore your discomfort with your body/gender roles and reconcile your relationship with your body. I’d avoid any therapists who advertise themselves as LGBTQIA2S+ friendly: they may be well meaning, but their primary method of treatment for dysphoria will likely be transition. Therapists and other mental health professionals tend to have bios where they list their background and what they specialize in: I'd suggest looking for a therapist who is female, and possibly someone who is comfortable gender non-conforming (someone who doesn't see being unhappy with gender roles or gender non-conforming as being the same as being trans). I went to a counselor who was an older lesbian. You can also send an email to Gender Exploratory Therapy Association (GETA) to see if they can match you with a therapist.

You can journal how you feel. It doesn't need to be fancy (it can be a notes page on your phone or some binder paper, but if journaling with markers and stickers and washi tape helps, you can do that too). Ask yourself what made you feel like you weren't or couldn't be a woman/girl? What does the thought of detransitioning make you feel? It can just be how you feel in general. If you're comfortable, you can also share your journal with a trusted adult or counselor. Or, it can just be for your eyes only.

Work on improving your integrity and comfort with your body. It helps you feel wonderful feelings, taste your favorite foods, see beautiful things... your body is not trying to hurt you or work against you. For example, your body is not menstruating because it is "punishing" you for not being pregnant (this is something I heard a lot growing up). Menstruation is just something female bodies do. It's vital to regulating your hormonal health, bone density, and weight. While yes, you can get pregnant and be a parent if you choose to as an adult, your body is not telling you to do anything. Your bodily functions are not a mandate. You exist for you!

Try to avoid seeing your body as a problem, or as fractured parts you want to fix: your body is just your body. Don't think of your body as a decorative object you need to change to please anyone. Your body exists for you and (most importantly) your body is you. Treating your body well is part of treating yourself well.

To improve your relationship with your body, I would recommend picking a sport or physical activity. Do something you like that makes you comfortable! If wearing a swimsuit fills you with dread, wear a more modest one or don't pick swimming. It can be as simple as walking, stretching, or yoga in your room. The point of a physical activity is not just to keep in shape, but to feel how your body is capable of doing whatever you want it to. Your body doesn't have to look a certain way for that.

Your image of your body and your comfort with being female might also improve if you take a social media break. I know it can be hard, but try to commit to a short break (a week, a month). Use this time to read, listen to music, draw, relax, exercise... whatever will keep you happy and healthy. Social media is saturated with images of sexualized, objectified, and impossibly thin women. It can be stressful to feel like you don't "measure up" to what the Internet tells you a woman is supposed to be. Take this time to remind yourself that you don't need to imitate these people to be happy.

I would also recommend you unfollow any social media accounts that make you feel bad about your body or talk about transitioning and gender all the time (you can always refollow later). Focus on how you feel about your body and yourself, not what other people promote.

What or how you decide to change socially, who you tell, or how you say it is up to you. You don't need to disclose why you're detransitioning either. You can just tell people you've decided it wasn't for you or that you'd like to go by your old name/pronouns. Don't let anyone, especially other transitioned peers, pressure you into doing or revealing anything you don't want to. If you have a friend group of trans peers your age, don't let them make you feel bad! You have the right to do what's best for you. If you have friends that aren't supportive of you doing what's best for you, it might be best to look for a new friend group.

If you've been happiest dressing in "boy" clothes or doing certain "boy" activities, none of that has to change when you detransition! Detransitioning should be about accepting that your natal biological sex is female. Being female is a neutral fact, like being brunette or being 167 cm. Being female has no bearing on what you can do, who you can love, what professions, hobbies, or interests you have... that's all gender. You don't have to change how you dress, think, feel, act, talk, etc. None of these things can disqualify you from being a woman or girl. Just be yourself and know there's no wrong way to be female.

Being a woman or girl can be scary. Menstruation sucks, sexual harassment sucks, sexism sucks. But there's light at the end of the tunnel, and that's other women and girls! Reach out to them. They are your lifeline. Build friendships. There are other women and girls just like you. You are never alone.

On that note, having positive female role models and consuming books/TV shows/movies/music by and about women can help you feel better about detransitioning and reconciling with being female.

Don't discount the wisdom of older women! They're not nags, shrews, or "Karens". They're female, too. Many of them have likely felt what you feel.

Detransitioning doesn't mean you need to feel a certain type of way on gender or trans issues. Don't let radical feminists, conservatives, or trans-rights activists bully you into saying or doing what suits their narrative. It's your life, so do what's right for you!

Lastly, here are some resources I would recommend, both about transition and detransition:

A Booklet on Gender Detransition

The risks of binding

Testosterone use and pelvic health

Maybe this is silly, but this comic helped me feel a lot better when I first saw it.

Cosmic Uterus by Ida Neverdahl

Edit: I added some things to the list. Before I forget — the prevailing narrative told to dysphoric and trans-identifying teens is that you need to transition, you need to go on hormones, you need to do xyz or you will die. This is not true. Most dysphoric youth who do not medically transition end up as happy, alive adults. (If you are having suicidal thoughts, please tell a trusted adult or call a hotline). So I’m going to tell you instead what I was told, and what other lesbian, gay, and bisexual kids were told growing up: it gets better. I promise it does. You are so brave. You are going to be okay <3

[genderqueerdykes]

hi!

what do you think about old words like FtM and MtF? (and I guess FtX, MtX, ItX, ItF, ItM)

it would be cool if young trans people share their thoughts too!

are they still comfortable for someone?

idk I just realized it's less dysphoric than AGAB form.

AGAB sounds like it's forever with you, meanwhile XtX sounds like escaping/transitioning from "not you" to "you"

of course it also sounds like if person "was" female (FtM) or male (MtF), which it not true

I personally just found out recently I'm okay with ?tX lol

hello, thanks for asking!

FTM and MTF aren't very old terms, they are still widely used and in fact the primary subreddit for trans men, transmascs and other masc aligned trans folk is r/FTM. i noticed you said it sounds like the person "was" female if FTM or "was" male as MTF, which is not what the terms mean, and also, some trans people do identify as having been female before transitioning to male or male before transitioning to male. if you read the interviews contained within To Survive on This Shore you will read the stories of a lot of trans people who did in fact love their lives as the other gender before they transitioned. while a lot of people do not like that rhetoric, some do, and it's not fair to try to erase their experiences for the sake of 'inclusive language'. people can define these terms or not use them as they please

FTM and MTF are not offensive, bad, or outdated terms in any way shape or form.

keep in mind that this line of thinking is a fundamental misunderstanding of what FTM and MTF actually mean. the the "F" in FTM refers to that person's biological sex marker- as in, you are changing your biological sex in some way to go from what was assigned/viewed as F to M. the opposite is true for MTF.

FTM is not a term that's just for trans men and MTF is not just for trans women. these terms refer to the changing of your biological sex, so an FTM person could be anything from a trans man to an FTM identifying transsexual butch lesbian. MTF people can be trans women or drag queens who take hormones and get surgeries. it can be a wide range of things, and while i can see it being uncomfortable for some, in others, they are loved and appreciated terms with a lot of history and are inclusive. i am not AFAB in the sense that i have a 100% "biologically female body" and I still identify with the term FTM because I find the X/I terms clunky. i have been using FTM for a decade now, i'm not going to trash it just because of a misinterpretation of what it means

also AGAB just literally refers to the gender you were assigned at birth. it's not really "permanent" it's a snap decision that was made when you were underdeveloped as a newborn baby. biological sex can be altered freely at will. to be brutally honest with you anon, i actually really detest the logic that the XtY labels are "escaping" something "to become your true self" for every trans person- i really would not apply this logic to anyone but yourself. this sounds very much like a you thing and not something that suits the entire trans community and this could be very offensive to some trans folk. many FTM butches are still women. many FTM drag queens are still men. p

i am very glad to hear you are okay with that term! I personally find the ?/X terms clunky so i don't use them for myself. i am FtMtF or FtMF. i'm glad it you found what works for you. I'm not a fan of implying FTM and MTF are bad or outdated, and i think it's exhausting to try to cycle them out of the common vernacular or do a big reach and assume it means something that it doesn't. it's a term that people can use if they want to, but trans men are under no obligation to use FTM and trans women are under no obligation to use MTF. they're terms you can use if they find they suit you, and folks who are made happy by them deserve to get to keep terms that weren't offensive to begin with

hope this makes sense, take care

[shayberri789]

In honour of Ace Week, I'd like to talk about my experience with growing up ace.

Many, many of my fellow aspecs talk about growing up feeling broken, to the point where I almost felt "fake" because I didn't share this apparently universal experience. (No slander to them by the way, I can recognise myself for being the oddball that I am, and the reason I escaped the self-hatred and broken feeling is. Actually kind of funny)

(Also sorry this is very long and rambly, editing is a bitch on mobile.)

I've always known I was aromantic and asexual. Not the terms, but I know I have been like this since before I can remember. The most important aroace memory I have is the one that saved me over a decade of grief, one I made when I was seven.

I was in grade one, and in a tiny, tiny school with literally only 4 people in my grade. My best friend, Jess, had just broken up with our classmates Thomas (they had been dating the way all 7yos do, and Jess has always been boy crazy). She was ranting to me about him, and I was a bit bored with it, playing about on the patio wall. I distinctly remember saying to her: "I'm never gonna get a crush! Dating is too much drama." And that was that. I promised myself never to get a crush.

And for years, I thought I was fantastic at keeping promises to myself. I was a pretty child, and I've always been kind, and many of my guy friends developed crushes on me, or felt pressured to have a crush and decided I was the best option. I don't know. I turned every one of them down, and said I wasn't going to date because I'd made myself a promise not to. I never developed a crush on anyone myself, and I thought it was because of a promise I made when I was seven. I never felt pressured to have a crush because of that promise, and all my girl friends accepted it too as an answer when they asked if I had a crush. We were like, ten, we didn't know better. None of us even knew what the lgbtqa+ was. Same-sex marriage was only legalised in 2006 in South Africa, and I didn't have a phone or access to the internet until I was 13. We also weren't as steeped in the amatonormative bullshit that comes with growing up, or fandom, or the internet.

When I was around 11-12 years old, we went to the coast to celebrate one of my childhood friend's mom getting married. Both his parents (his mom and later adoptive father) were close family friends, and while we were there I met up with an old friend I'd lost contact with.

I found out Dune, the lost friend, had had a crush on me since pre-primary school. He'd put a ring on his finger and declared that he was going to marry me when we grew up. I think He'd given up the notion by the time we reunited, but it made me feel weird. I started actually thinking about crushes, and my promise, and I worried that maybe I'd been repressing feelings. Did I accidentally close my heart to love because of my promise? But... not having to deal with crushes made my life so much easier, I wasn't sure if I wanted a crush. But I was worried I'd broken myself. It didn't help that when I brought this up to my mom (who is, by the way, an amazing woman and completely supportive of me now and my very queer brother and is bi herself) she said that closing your heart to love was unhealthy, and I should let myself feel things.

In retrospect, that's solid advice. I wish I'd listened to it more before I developed repression of emotions and memories as a coping mechanism to deal with immigration and a new country. But at the time I took it as confirmation I'd broken myself because again, I was eleven, and while I've always been mature for my age I still was lacking a lot of knowledge and growth.

Fortunately, I've always been a stubborn, genuine thing. I only changed parts of myself I didn't like, or thought hurt others, and no one else was allowed to decide that for Me. And I liked the peace not having crushes gave me, and I saved myself many years of grief and worry with that decision. It was three days of worrying about having broken myself, compared to an almost lifetime of many other aspecs.

That conviction was admittedly hard to hold onto though. I had several squishes in my childhood and the following yesrs, or maybe they were actual crushes but I doubt it; and I started becoming vaguely aware that saying I'd made a promise to stay single and unattracted to anyone was a weird reason for turning someone down when you're like 13/14yo. I stopped talking about my promise, but I never got a crush, never wanted one, and never wanted to date. I just kept living my life, even when I immigrated and said family friend's child from earlier, a boy I had been friends with since I was literally three years old, told me he'd been in love with me for five years the day I landed in my nee country. Thanks Vin, that's totally something to drop on your childhood friend when she is busy feeling like she'd lost everything. I spent a week analysing the last couple years of our friendship to figure out if he even cared about me the way I did about him. We're not very close anymore.

A year later, in Year 10/Grade 9, my new best friend invited me around to her house to tell me "something important". When I got there, I found our other friend we'd been growing closer too over the last couple months there already, and they were holding hands. Tess said to me, very gingerly, "Shay, I just wanted to let you know that I'm pan, and Saph and I are dating."

Three things you should know: I was barely aware that "gay" and "lesbian" was a thing at this point, I had no gaydar or ability to predict romance, and had quite frankly forgotten that crushes were a thing. I wasn't even looking for chemistry in my friends. I was caught completely off guard. I had no fucking clue was pansexual was. I'd only just started learning about the queer community and did not know how to react to this, and was suddenly, horribly reminded that my friends were at the stage where they cared more about finding someone to date than plodding on happily with the friendships we had. Tess later told me I "was a bit homophobic because of the way I recoiled with a slightly disguisted look on my face."

Honestly, I think it's because I was disgusted by romance in general and was unprepared for the confession, and was suddenly re-evaluating the entire friend group dynamics. I'm gonna forgive myself if I reacted badly, but I honestly wasn't aware enough of heteronormative culture, had forgotten amatonormativity existed, and didn't know enough about gay people to even be homophobic.

That night, I spent four hours researching the lgbt community to understand as much as I could, to find out how to support my friends and be a good ally. I still thought I was straight, back then. It got to the point where I knew a good deal about the queer community and experiences, enough to help my brother figure out he was pan and trans, and yet I still did not come across any aspec identity. Not in Tumblr screenshots, not on the wiki pages I read, not from word of mouth from the queer people I met irl.

I even went through about a month or so where I thought I was bi. I had enough common sense long before then to realize that a promise made when you're seven should not affect who you crush on, just what you do with those feelings, but it was the only explanation I had, so I quietly stuck with it. When I found out more about the queer community I thought to myself "... am I gay?" And critically evaluated myself, and came to the conclusion I felt the same about guys as I did about girls, and I must be bi, surely? But that didn't feel right, and It honestly made me feel uncomfortable to label myself as that, so I never mentioned it.

Fortunately soon after that, I was talking to one of Tess's old South African friends, who told me he was "asexual" (in hindsight, and seeing how he grew, I think he was actually aromantic. But, it's not my place to tell people how to identify). I didn't know what that meant so googled it, and realized... hey, this covers a lot of how I feel (or rather, what I don't feel). It wasn't quite right, I didn't really understand sexual attraction either (I still don't, really, but I do on a rational level), but it fit me better and explained a hell of a lot more than bisexual did, so I claimed it. Plus, pretty flag.

I tried to come out that pride month. I made an ace flag-coloured version of my profile picture, looked up the pride days for June, and decided I would change my pfp and bio on ace day to come out. Which I did! And many people congratulated me on figuring myself out, even more were confused as to what it was, and the rest didn't notice. But before all that, I'd accidentally come out on aromantic's day, first, much to my fear and embarrassment. I didn't realise I could be both aromantic and asexual. I didn't want it to seem like I was trying to be 'special' to fit in with my friends (I value genuineness greatly, and never wanted to appear like I was presenting myself falsely, especially for something like a trend or peer pressure). I quickly changed my pfp and bio before anyone noticed, and did it on the correct day at the end of the month.

Fortunately, it did make me look up aromanticism, and realize this identity fitted the rest of my experiences. But, I still didn't know I could have two identities, because I didn't know about the SAM model. I decided to stick with asexual, because I liked the flag more.

I still felt a bit like an imposter, though, like I wasn't really welcome in the queer community, and I always knew I didn't fit in the cishetallo one. I didn't know any other ace people except for the guy who told me about the term, and he was far too interested in sex and hot people for my comfort. I dedicated myself to learning more about the queer community as a whole, the lived experiences and politics, so that I could continue to support and be with my friends (who had, one by one over the year or so, come out as queer in some way, as one friend group does after the first one bites the bullet) even if I "didn't really belong".

It took me a while to feel fully comfortable as asexual, and to internalise I could be aromantic too and accept that (I called myself Grayromantic for a time because I thought the squishes had been crushes, and I almost wanted to hope I wasn't completely locked from love. I've since learned better and honestly, I'm really happy as plain aroace). I went through a period of trying on all kinds of micro labels to explain my experiences, but I've come to settle on the plain old aroace label. I'm happy, and I'm happy with myself. I also found the sunset aroace flag last year and fell in love with that, too 😂

I'd like to give a huge thank you to @fuckyeahasexual for all the information and support their blog gives, and the experiences and constant acceptance and reassurance that we are all ace, and for the info they give on aromanticism too. It played a huge role in my coming out and being proud, and then being loud and proud for the remaining years of high school. It's allowed me to meet so many more aspec people, and help people figure out their own aspec identities in my real-life community.

So yeah, I am, very extremely aroace. I swing wildly between sex and romance neutral to outright repulsed, and I have no interest in a qpr or any other relationship beyond family and friendship. (Shout out to my brother for getting into a qpr and then telling his actually aroace sister about it last out of everyone!).

I've been aroace my entire life, and I've never wanted to be anything different. I've dealt with my fair share of both microaggressive and straight-up aphobia from strangers, loved ones, fandom and society in general.

And I've never related to those posts about people growing up feeling broken, and for every single aspec out there like me who skated on through life and to their identities without that trauma as well, I tip my hat to you. We are valid, we are no less aspec than those with different traumas to us, and we are no less important or alone or isolated than they are. We're all in this together, and we should all take pride and care in one another. For our similarities and shared experiences, and for our differences. Happy ace week.

[whumpster-fire]

I know I already ranted about Queen Coral but I'm rereading Arc 1 for the hell of it and jesus I forgot how much she is just straight up the villain of this book. Egotistical, paranoid, cruel, incredibly easy to manipulate because literally all Whirlpool and Blister have to do is flatter her. I think she's like 50% of the reason I called WOF A Series Of Unfortunate Events But With Dragons is her because man, throwing two dragons in a dungeon because her friend said them being the murderers fits all the mystery novel tropes and locking her daughter and her friends in said dungeon because said friend said so is Person-Who-Fosters-The-Baudelaire-Siblings levels of competence. Also she's an evil tyrant who tortures and murders other dragons, and she can't figure out "have three guard, in shifts, physically inside the hatchery at all times while an egg is incubating because someone is obviously getting inside somehow." Like unironically this isn't just "I don't like her," Coral is legitimately the primary antagonist of The Lost Heir IMO. Yeah Whirlpool and Blister are there but Whirlpool's mostly a problem because of Coral and at this point in the story so is Blister. Tsunami literally spends like half the book either trying to stop her mother from doing evil things or trying to deal with the consequences of her mother's bad decisions.

Other thoughts on The Lost Heir the second time around:

Tsunami may not ever be queen of the Seawings, but she'll always be Queen Of Spending Half Her POV Book Making Bad Decisions and Being Horribly Biased in my heart. Oh god Tsunami is such an arrogant little disaster in this book. I love her but she needs to learn to respect and trust her adoptive siblings so badly.

Rereading this after having read The Brightest Night is so painful. Sunny is so clearly ready to start biting everyone (justifiably). Actually it's very fitting that this is the Sea Kingdom book because the entire DoD is at maximum salt levels the entire time. Literally everybody except maybe Clay is so close to losing it. Sunny is sick of everyone infantilizing her, Starflight is trying to act like a "natural leader" like Morrowseer lectured him about but it's obvious his only role models for leadership are the Guardians and Tsunami so he's trying to emulate them (badly), and Glory is just pissed off at everyone. And then there's Tsunami trying to defend her murderous, abusive mother.

I forget if this gets touched on in The Hidden Kingdom, but man, Glory must have felt so fucking alone and betrayed in this book. Tsunami is normally the dragon she can count on to share her anger at the guardians and never try to make excuses for their abusive behavior, and then she saw Tsunami's mother dragging small dragonets around on a leash, being a spineless enabler to Blister, locking them up in a dark cave and leaving them to die, and so on. A little bit of wasted potential to not have Glory calling Tsunami out on Coral managing to embody some of the worst aspects of Kestrel, Dune, and Webs but Tsunami suddenly being on the side of "Well, she's a complicated dragon" because she still didn't quite fully abandon the fantasy of a loving family she'd built up. Which isn't fully accurate because Tsunami did call Coral out plenty but I kind of want to see Glory go ballistic when Tsunami brings up some of the stuff she the other dragonets weren't there for, like torturing one of her guards to death for following an order Shark gave her, being ready to let wounded soldiers bleed to death for no reason, literally threatening Tsunami's life.

Reading this again I totally see where people are coming from on lots of Clay's complexity being abandoned after his book and him being reduced to "big dumb guy who only thinks about food." It also doesn't help that in the audiobooks the narrator changes to a very different voice for him after his book. However, I do have to wonder if he's doing this on purpose to try to defuse the other dragonets being at each other's throats because nothing else is working.

After going through Arc 2 every single scene with Anemone in it is heartbreaking. She's so scared of being driven insane by her powers and used as a weapon, and then Whirlpool more or less confirms her fear that she'd be forced to cast spell after spell until she lost her mind and was (presumably) killed because now she was dangerous. Then she accidentally killed him, had to keep it secret from everyone, and spent the next however many months with absolutely no support AND she got to find out that the last Animus in her family, Orca, was massacring her family. Yeah I can see how she internalized "I am already too far gone."

Wait a minute... why couldn't Glory go invisible and try to steal the key to Clay's chains from the guards when the cave started flooding? I guess I'll go with 'Glory was going to try it eventually but she and/or Starflight pointed out that wading through flooded tunnels and rain could result in someone noticing a suspiciously dragon shaped arrangement of water droplets mysteriously floating in midair, so that was the backup plan they hadn't gotten to yet.'

The entire institution of the Royal Challenge is irreparably fucked and every tribe in Pyrrhia that doesn't abolish it is doomed to have terrible queens forever because raising dragons from birth with the knowledge that they'll have to kill their mother, sister, or aunt to assume the throne, and they'll have to start treating their daughters like enemies once they get old enough, is ensuring that any dragon who gets on the throne absolutely does not have the temperament to be a good leader. The Rainwings, Nightwings, and Sandwings are probably okay because I think Glory and Thorn will figure out a peaceful transition of power, I don't know how it even works for Mudwings, and who knows maybe Ruby and Snowfall will manage to un-ruin their kingdoms' cultures, but the Seawing Tribe is kind of screwed and Anemone and Auklet deserve better than growing up with "Heir to the Throne" hanging over their heads.

[ohyesididnotjustdothat]

I've somehow been drafted into the Kinn Defense Squad, so I guess here's another KP post. This isn't aimed at anyone except the people who like Kinn but maybe can't reconcile where everything ended w the KP relationship and want to see what someone who can thinks of it.

WARNING: long and rambly (also it's hella late so forgive the incohesive presentation)

also formatting will be shit bc mobile is hostile to any instance of lengthy text

Ok, so to preempt this, I need to make abundantly clear: KinnPorsche S2 was not a sure thing. They very much wanted it to be, hence all the loose threads, but there was never a guarantee they'd catch lightning in a bottle a second time.

With that out of the way, I wanna get into my thoughts.

The KP/VP/KC comparisons: I see a lot of people leveraging the end point of these pairings as evidence that any given one is "healthier" than the others. Brushing aside the v subjective view of what constitutes "healthy" on a genre that plays it as fast and loose w consent as mafia BL, I do not believe the comparisons are even sensible.

On the one hand, you have KP, the titular pairing that, presumably, would be expected to maintain central focus in a future season. Due to its role as the central pairing, it already established itself as such by introducing the most convoluted and extensive storylines for the sake of driving the plot. These were always going to take longer to resolve, and understandably would be most likely to stay open ended by the finale.

Adding on to the previous point, KP was in the position of being most likely to have overarching plots that would drive any possible future season. I'm not being biased, simply maintaining that a show called "KinnPorsche" would most likely continue to focus on the pairing KinnPorsche. (I guess the novel maybe does something different, but it's already established that the show goes off-script and the finale obviously had a primary focus on KP still.)

VP ends up w a pretty neat resolution, and I assume it's because it would likely suffer the most from being left open ended, but you definitely feel the rush with it. If they hadn't finished it with the final post-credit scene, VP fans would have been left with nothing more than a passing comment from a primary and secondary (maybe even tertiary) character about the status of them after Vegas had presumably died. This would have been terrible because, as I learned from a VP friend who missed the post-credit scene, she had assumed Vegas had simply died because she didn't catch Tay and Porsche's conversation. (Oof, sorry, buddy--glad I could correct that for u 😬😬)

KC I would say gets the shortest end of the stick, specifically because it suffers the most from lack of screen time. While you can argue that it was introduced before VP, the coupling itself was split not only between the other pairings, but Kim's investigation subplot. This wouldn't have been as much of an annoyance if it weren't for the fact that Kim never even really got to introduce his findings to any other characters, so it essentially was just a mix of contrived plot advancement (complicated way of pushing Kim to Chay), character insight, and foreshadowing of the overarching conflict.

KC is another example of a pairing that gets left more open ended to leave room for development in a second season, but it suffers more than KP in that it has drastically less development, and therefore comes off as the weakest. (This is not a knock on any pairings, but simply noting that these things are inevitable when you have a 14 episode series--UNCUT--unevenly split between 3 couplings.)

So I've delved into the pairing aspects, and this is where the Kinn Defense Squad comes in, I suppose.

I do see some comments saying Kinn would never break ties with his father, but I am going to say that not only is it possible, but it's the only option that makes sense thematically.

See, with generational cycles of abuse, it can only really end when one generation comes along and refuses to perpetuate it any longer. Vegas's cycle began to break when Korn shot Gun, but there was no guarantee--and I'd argue it's improbable--that the conflict would have ended with that; we didn't get the time for it, but with Korn still a looming threat and Vegas being as vindictive as he is, it's not unlikely that he would still bear ill will toward Korn and his empire (not necessarily Kinn or the main family, but specifically what Korn has maintained that caused all this). This is not a knock on Vegas, simply me pointing out that:

Clearly the resolution with Vegas was mostly unexplored due to episode constraints.

If VP were going to have any continued role in a future season, they would need an accompanying conflict to resolve, which likely would tie into the main conflict.

So the reason I believe VP (and specifically Vegas) gets the neat resolution it does isn't by any particular endorsement/condemnation in the narrative, but simply because it was the easiest to resolve without the guarantee of a second season. They could tie it up nicely right there while still technically leaving room for reintroductions in future seasons.

However, with this, of all the parallels that have been haunting Kinn and Vegas throughout the show, the most stark one is suddenly excised when Vegas's specter is struck down with a single bullet from Kinn's own. To compare these two characters now on the same grounds as before would be odd and narratively incongruent--it just doesn't make sense.

No longer are they the tragic sons languishing under the overbearing weight of their fathers and doomed to ruthless competition--Vegas no longer has that external motivation. Kinn retains his boogeyman while Vegas's was exorcised from the narrative.

I have no doubt that they would have still maintained some parallels in a second season (the figurative ghost of his father would likely have continued to torment Vegas), but it could no longer follow the same formula because Kinn and Vegas lost their biggest platform of common ground.

So whereas that particular resolution was expedited for Vegas by Korn (because it needed to be for a satisfying resolution for him), Kinn's problem is Korn. Kinn doesn't look like a man who can stand up to his father because he isn't--yet. That was going to be a major conflict explored in the second season, most likely. So many threads led to that, but because that second season wasn't in the bag, they had to resolve it just nicely enough to leave fans mostly content with the investment they'd placed in Kinn's character growth (and KP as a pairing--can't have them be sad in their last scene together, but the show doesn't let you forget there's still Korn's shadow cast on them all).

I wouldn't feel as confident in these conclusions if I hadn't spoken to more casual viewers of the show (likely to the largest demographic tbh). They were mostly content with where the show ended, but confused enough to warrant a second season, which I assume is that sweet spot BOC was going for. Sadly, for more invested fans, it left a lot more to be desired for us in terms of resolutions.

This mostly hit me upon a viewing of a reaction series from a casual viewer--most likely the biggest chunk of KP's audience. There was some confusion and some acknowledgment of obviously unresolved plot lines, but with the exception of KC, everything seemed tied up nicely enough for them. In fact, even KC--when Chay refused to delete the video--was left just hopeful enough to leave them satisfied.

So all-in-all, I really hate this whole competition that seems to break out between these different factions in a show that obviously never even got to tell its story to its desired conclusion. Regardless of pairing or character preference, the narrative tends to shy away from clear-cut designations of good or bad, w arguably a couple of exceptions (and by that, I don't mean any of the main coupling characters).

[sophieswundergarten]

I can't stop thinking about that Wing AU and Sticky plucking his feathers...

(Weird, angsty ramblings that might require some knowledge of bird anatomy to fully understand to follow)

(Basically, when birds grow feathers they start as "blood feathers" which are basically just little sacks of blood and growing cells. After this, they are "pin feathers", and the blood is all inside where it belongs, leaving the feather all rolled up and covered in this papery stuff that rubs off and leaves a fully grown feather. Also, Primaries are the big "pointer finger" feathers at the tip of the wings, Secondaries are the medium sized ones from the "wrist" joint to the "elbow", where they get smaller and are referred to as Tertiaries. That should be it :>)

Because, in real life, it's quite common in pet psittacines (Parrots: so, macaws, cockatoos, budgies, lovebirds, etc.) especially when they are stressed. And it can get out of control really fast and take a long time to train the bird out of even though it's very obviously hurting it.

And I just keep thinking about how young he was when he started being on TV. And for a while the fluffy little baby feathers were cute but an entertainment industry seeking engagement instead of connection demanded he grow up too fast.

And so the make-up/wardrobe department for any competition he was on started pulling some of the downy feathers. There weren't that many left at this point regardless, but they assured him it would make him seem more mature and appeal to a wider audience. And it would be fine, it wouldn't really hurt him, especially since he was growing in big feathers anyway.

So it went. With Sticky being so self-conscious and anxious anyway, he probably kept his wings tucked in tight behind him no matter what people thought about them.

He had never put that much consideration into how he looked, but now he can't stop thinking about it. He doesn't know why it's so important, but apparently it matters to people. He doesn't want it to matter. He doesn't want to be seen or recognised. He just wants to be left alone.

He starts fidgeting with the pin feathers that will one day unfurl into adult primaries, and even though he knows it's counter-intuitive because removing the casings will only free the feathers sooner, he can't help it. A few times he goes too far and starts picking at blood feathers, and even though the red coats his finger tips more often than he'd like, he still can't stop his hands from scratching and pulling and yanking as he grows more and more agitated.

And then he ran away

He ran and he couldn't keep his hands off his wings for more than a few minutes. Tugging and raking his fingers through the feathers in a futile attempt to calm down. The first couple of times, it's an accident.

The first couple of times he's so caught up in soundless panic and all he can hear is his own breathing, it's only later that he notices a small cluster of secondaries, close to his body and almost never seen with how rigidly he holds himself, are missing. Small pieces of the night sky littering the alleyway ground where he'd been hiding.

His wings are so dark in colour, not to mention unkempt after a few weeks hiding and running and flitting from place to place trying to find safety, that the other kids don't even notice anything wrong.

It isn't until a few days later, when they're all in the backyard attempting to practice their Morse Code, and Kate does something that startles him that they really see what kind of a state his wings are in.

Most birds, when scared or on edge, will carefully spread their wings. Maybe not a lot, but they are preparing to fly away or make themselves look bigger in hopes to scare off the threat. (I imagine Milligan having great big owl wings that he puffs up to try and guard the children when the Recruiters come after them in the maze)

But Sticky just draws them in closer to his body. When he is scared, which Constance would note is often, he holds his wings so tightly to his back that they seem half their size. This would be considered odd and in some ways handicapping himself or keeping him from being able to react properly.

But this time, as Kate wobbles unstably out of her cartwheel and lets out a shriek of laughter, landing on the ground right next to him, Sticky jumps. He starts off the bench he had been sitting on, hunching his shoulders and reflexively spreading his wings.

And instead of the fully extended mix of fully grown flight feathers and occasionally wayward piece of down the other kids have, Sticky's wings are a mess. They have a skeletal quality, with just enough plumage that when they are folded in it's hardly noticeable, but when they are extended it's clear there are significant gaps. The remaining feathers have the dull, stunted quality of someone who has been under an incredible amount of stress without nearly enough nutrients to fuel them, and indeed Sticky looks rather like a feral cat in that moment: Spooked and curling in on himself as if expecting a fight.

He quickly realises his overreaction, and then processes that the girls are staring at his wings (Reynie's eye did dart up, but quickly returned to looking at Sticky's face), so he jerks them back into a resting position. Though there's nothing particularly restful about how stiff his posture is, back ramrod straight and muscles so tight he's beginning to shake.

However, this is something that the others know he doesn't want to share yet. And he doesn't need to. Not until he's ready.

So, Kate grabs the flashlight from where it had fallen to the ground, a sheepish grin on her face as she apologises for scaring him.

Reynie suggests they all go inside, take a break and get something to eat before they begin again.

Constance glares at Sticky suspiciously, but right as she opens her mouth she seems to think better of her questions and simply shrugs.

And Sticky is grateful for his friends, grateful that he has these people who love him enough to trust him with his secrets, even though they don't know each other very well yet. So he follows them inside, and if Kate dumps a little bit more food on his plate, and Constance doesn't try to swipe his juice glass this time, and if that night (for the first time) Reynie shyly asks if the two of them could take turns preening each others' wings, when it's just the two of them alone in the room, Sticky thinks he might be able to trust them too.