#because turns out getting about 50% more heavy in the span of a year (which really isnt saying much seeing where i started from)

[nexus-nebulae]

does anyone have any Tips on how to take care of a fat body for someone who hasn't had one until recently. there are Things that are coming up that i never really thought about before (like thigh chafe) and i don't trust google to give me non-fatphobic answers, i want real tips on how to feel more comfortable in this changed body from people with bodies like mine rather than get told i need to starve myself to look good

[matchstickdolly]

So long, farewell! 💜 I won't be posting from this account anymore. To close it out, here is a roundup of my Lucifer fan works, as I think that's how most came to find me here.

You will need an AO3 account to read most of my stories; it's relatively easy to sign up if you don't have one. Though I'm gone from here and elsewhere in the Lucifer fandom, I will continue to read comments and attempt to reply to them, so please consider sharing these fics and commenting your thoughts on AO3!

LONG READS (20,000+ words)

A Refraction of Light

314k words. My giant post-S3 canon divergence that spans Earth, Hell, and Heaven. If you didn't like Lucifer's Netflix era (the last three seasons) or wished there were more power couple vibes for Deckerstar, you might enjoy AROL. Though I finished it in 2020, after S4 had aired, I think it works quite well as a S4-S6 fix-it for those who'd like one.

In Sorrow Thou Shalt Bring Forth Children

210k words. The 50 female-focused "blip" years Lucifer's finale conveniently left out, also several post-S6 chapters. Heavy angst surrounding family and spiritual trauma but aims to be cathartic by acknowledging pain. All that said, more humor and Deckerstar than you'd probably expect, given the CW tags.

Reins Series: Try My Reins and My Heart & As Certain Dark Things Are to Be Loved

35k words when read together. Porn with feelings/plot. Fun, sweet kinkiness that should be read in order. Dominant!Lucifer because I struggle to see the Devil otherwise and because Chloe deserves a fucking break in the care of her sex god beau.

In a Similar Vein

21k words. Funny, sweet, and absurd S1 divergence wherein Chloe becomes (very wrongly) convinced that Lucifer is a vampire. Alas, it is missing the last chapter.

Chloe KNOWS

20k words. Funny, sweet, sexy S2 divergence in which Chloe accidentally gets a devil reveal when she stumbles upon an ageless Lucifer in vintage pornography. Oops.

MEDIUM READS (5,000 to 20,000 words)

If the Shoe Fits & In the Family Way

14k words when read together. Alternate post-5B/S6. Feel-good, funny, fluffy, even sexy. Godifer and Mrs. G being good partners, parents, and Improvers of the Universe. If you need a sweet, positive fix-it for the end of Lucifer, these fics might fit the bill.

Rebound to You

12k words. Feel-good, funny, sexy AU where Lucifer is still the Devil, but he and Chloe didn't meet as in canon. Instead, they meet a couple of years later, after Lucifer has naturally gotten a phone and Chloe has divorced Dan and is now resorting to dating apps to meet people. Features a fun gimmick of Tinder-like chat logs (used sparingly, I promise).

Something More & Pump It Up

11k words when read together. These two canon compliant fics won't seem like they go together at first, but I promise they do (thematically). Both are pre-canon and about the subtle ways in which Lucifer and Chloe are an amusingly great match. They just haven't met (yet) to know it! The first story is sweet and about Jed and Chloe's relationship; basically a character study of Chloe as told from Jed's POV. The second is a bit of a sex farce about Lucifer watching Hot Tub High School after settling in L.A., but it's also porn with plot or at least a character study.

Not to Mii

10k words. Lucifer sticks around at the end of S3's "The Last Heartbreak." One thing leads to another, and you get strip Mario Kart. I promise it works.

The Fine Line Between Desire and Fear

10k words. Feel-good and silly post-5A divergence featuring a haunted mansion on Halloween. Almost solely Deckerstar-focused but also imagines a future where Michael is trying to redeem himself and earn Ella's affection; the only problem is that he's afraid...of a lot, actually. The irony!

Sweet and Sour

10k words. A comical Michael/Ella fic based on the 5A trailer. Turned out to be rather in-character for many aspects of Michael, so it holds up, I think.

Now That's What I Call Big Devil Energy! Series: Big Devil Energy & Satan's Got a Heart On

9k words when read together. Funny, sweet chaos. Lucifer being a completely over-the-top Devil in love.

All You Can Play

9k words but really more like 3k if you want the finished part of the fic. (First chapter can stand alone; don’t read past it if you don’t like unfinished work.) Chaotic humor, sex farce. Canon compliant missing scene wherein I will tell you not to hate the player (me) but the game (S3). The reason Lucifer isn't there to protect Chloe at the end of 03x04? He's with Lexy, the judge's soon-to-be ex-wife. This is that story. Featuring Chuck E. Cheese.

Bound by Iniquity

8k words. Dark 5A canon divergence from Maze's POV. Her dirty dealmaking with Michael backfires, big time.

Get Thee Behind Me

7k words. Porn with plot/feelings. Lucifer and Chloe try anal sex for the first time. Feel-good comedy ensues.

Baptized by Desire

7k words. Dark but sweet S3 divergence. Lucifer comes to believe he really is a delusional human while he's in the psychiatric hospital in "God Johnson."

Hells to Betsy

6k words. Answering the question of how Chloe afforded a large three-bedroom townhouse in L.A., especially once Maze moved out. Come on! Detectives are paid well but not that well!

Darkest Before Dawn

5k words. Sweet, funny, sexy wing fic. No wing oil, but there's a barrel of crude oil and Dawn dishwashing liquid. This is not an ad.

SHORT READS (<5,000 words)

The Dotted Line

4k words. Porn without plot. Lucifer is attracted to Chloe in anything, even undies from Target.

Checked Baggage

4k words. Porn with light plot. What if Chloe took up Jana's offer for a threesome, partly out of spite? Bisexual chaos that is still ultimately very much about Deckerstar.

Winging It & Made in His Image

4k words when read together. Both are chaotic sex farces that wax on about the Devil's dick. They must be read in order.

Reefer Gladness Series: Flying High & Baked with Love

3k words when together. Sweet fluff. Established Deckerstar getting high together.

Lunch at the Y

3k words. Porn without plot. Roughly set in a better post-5A world where Lucifer eats Chloe out in a dressing room because of course he would. That's a love language.

Those Who Favor Fire

2k words. Porn without plot. Roughly set in a better post-S3 world where Deckerstar have gotten their HEA and have been together for some ten years or so.

My God's House Has Many Rooms

2k words. S6's "happy" closeout is creepily vague to me. This story explores a horrific what-if.

Raising Hell

1k words. Porn without plot. An ode to the blowjob.

Use My Words Against Me

1k words. All dialogue, pure chaos. Caught up in yet another scandal, closeted Republican Senator Olin Graham asks the Devil for a favor. You'll only appreciate this if you know enough about American politics and aren't a fascist piece of shit. Sorry not sorry.

Earthly Delights on Borrowed Time

666 words. Post-S4 reimagining where Lucifer and Chloe are making things work.

The Perfect Help Meets

666 words. Dark, canon compliant one-shot about Lucifer's angst/depression as he tries to make things work with Eve, all while he's in love with Chloe.

Other Stuff

A softness came from the starlight and filled me full to the bone — Lucifer meets the comic A Softer World. Inspired by an old post by @casimania that can be found here.

General Fanvids — Deckerstar being painful and/or lovely, plus some Trixie because I love her character.

S6 Critical Fanvids — Just me making sense of S6's plot, which I cannot read as anything other than incredibly dark and anti-choice.

Crack Fanvids — Pure comedy and chaos.

Lucifer Season 6 Time Travel Visualizations — Lucifer S6 uses time travel without clearly laying out how it works. I made two visualizations to help explain the possibilities: one for the loop existing in a single timeline and another for the loop causing or being a part of many/parallel worlds.

Lucifer S6 Wiki — After Lucifer Season 5B and S6, I started digging into the writers’ interviews to understand what the hell had gone wrong. You'll find their answers to a lot of common S6 questions here. They’re real, er, interesting Hollywood folk, to say the least.

[ddrv]

3 Keys for Responsibly Driving or Towing Your RV on the Highway

Whether you’re content to arrive at your destination regardless of travel time or you think you could hold your own in a stock car race, getting behind the wheel of an RV for the first time is an entirely different experience.

From your field of vision to the vehicle’s controls and maneuverability, driving or towing an RV is a whole new ballgame. The stakes are high, especially if your loved ones are along for the ride. That’s why learning how to handle your rig safely and spending time practicing with your newly purchased vehicle from the region’s leading RV dealers is so important. Consult your owner’s manual along with any applicable laws or regulations, then use these three tips to help you handle your RV responsibly on the open road. Get Comfortable in the Right Lane Look, there’s almost no one who wants to hear—much less heed—this piece of advice, which is why it’s first on the list. It deserves your attention from the very beginning. Depending on whether you bought one of the top Class B RVs for sale in your area or you opted for a luxurious Class A model, your RV is simply bigger than your daily driver—in some cases, much bigger. That means you’ll accelerate more slowly, require a greater braking distance, and generally reach a lower cruising speed on the highway. You simply aren’t as nimble or maneuverable as that sedan that would really like to go around you if you’d just turn on your blinker and merge into the right lane. So, before setting out in your new RV, pack your patience and treat your journey as a marathon, not a sprint. Take the Time to Park Considerately Alright, so your youngest conveniently waited until the last minute to tell you they really need to use the restroom. Or you just need to quickly pop into that convenience store and grab a coffee before continuing. But here’s the trouble: In your haste, you inadvertently parked in a way that blocked a door, fire hydrant, or driveway, and there might be a delay between you and resuming your RV trip. In a larger rig like an RV, almost everything takes more time and focus—especially in a parking lot. Slow down, consider your surroundings, and double-check that you aren’t creating a headache for anyone else before you park and leave your RV. Use Good Judgment When Planning Your Trip You should always exercise caution when driving, but when it comes to operating an abnormally large and heavy vehicle like an RV, safety is paramount. This applies to all RVs, from massive Class A RVs to toy haulers and the newest travel trailers for sale Boise has to offer. In addition to driving defensively and parking carefully, you also need to plan your trip with a realistic idea of how fatigue will limit your daily driving distance. You wouldn’t drive your kids to soccer practice if you were too tired to do so safely, and it would certainly be unwise to push your limits while behind the wheel of an RV. Beyond fatigue, it’s vital to minimize distractions while driving your RV. Sure, these trips are often about quality family time, but before you can start making cherished memories, you’ve got to get everyone to the destination safely. About DDRV Why do families in Boise, throughout the Treasure Valley, across Idaho, and beyond turn to DDRV for RV sales and service? First, DDRV has established a legacy that spans nearly 50 years. From their friendly, knowledgeable sales staff to their trained service technicians, DDRV has everything you need to turn your vision of adventure into reality. That’s because DDRV is much more than the RV dealer Idaho trusts. DDRV is also where you’ll find the boat, PWC, and ATV sales Boise families love. Are you considering your first RV purchase? At DDRV, you’ll find an impressive selection of Class C, Class A, and Class B RVs for sale, so you can explore various models firsthand and find the features your family wants at a price that’s within reach. Discover Idaho today with DDRV. Create memories that will last a lifetime in a new or used RV from DDRV at https://ddrv.com/ Original Source: https://bit.ly/3MlFkk4

[greatbigbellies]

Another continuation of THESE TWO stories. In part three, Leo finds himself even MORE pregnant than last time. Will he still fit in his living room? Find out! Contains allusions to sex, (basically) rapid preg, hyperpregnancy, weight gain, and belly worship. Enjoy!

Leo looked himself over in his full length mirror, in awe at just how much his body had changed over the last two and a half years. It had been about six months since he had successfully delivered he and Marko’s 50 beautiful kids, and as much as his body had recovered, it had also changed as well. His chest was noticeably larger, but even more so was his hips, widened by his extraordinary pregnancy. Some of the pregnancy weight had stuck too, giving him much thicker thighs and a squishier booty. Overall, he was significantly more pear shaped than when he’d started, and overall, he was okay with that. Marko certainly didn’t mind…

Leo smirked. “I can feel you staring,” he said, able to sense when Marko was ogling him. Marko stepped through te door with a playful sigh, “I still don’t know how you do that. I didn’t make a sound!” he said, stepping up next to Leo, pulling him in by his waist. Marko kissed the top of Leo’s head, causing Leo to smooch him on the cheek, in turn. “What’s going through your mind hon? You’ve been checking yourself out in the mirror for almost ten minutes now,” asked Marko. Leo sighed, “I dunno babe… I’m just… is it weird that I really, REALLY miss being pregnant?” he asked.

Marko shook his head, placing a hand on Leo’s flat, empty tummy. “You carried those little guys for two years, you kinda got used to it…” he smiled, “Besides, we both really enjoyed ourselves with it...” Their gazes met in a loving, slightly charged eye contact, and Leo began picking up on the signals Marko was sending. “Would you… be up for doing it again?” Marko finally asked. Leo’s mouth curled into a mischievous grin, “Only if we can go bigger this time?” he asked. Now it was Marko’s turn to smile, “Like… time and a half?” he asked. Leo shook his head, “Bigger,” “...double?” “A LOT bigger,” Markos eyes went wide. 

“Babe you were full of 50 last time, how much bigger do you want to go!?” asked Marko incredulously. “Why don’t we set ourselves up with fertility treatments, and see where life takes us? Numbers and quotas aren’t sexy, chance is sexy,” Marko’s breath grew a little shaky, “Are you sure you can handle going bigger this time?” Leo smiled, “I’m excited to push my boundaries!” he replied.

Marko pulled him in for a deep kiss, “Your ambition is also sexy,” he whispered. Leo stood on his tiptoes and whispered back into Marko’s ear, “Then what say you we get to work tonight?” he offered. Marko scooped him up in his strong arms, carrying him bride style and turning toward their bed, “I thought you’d never ask!”

And get to work they did. Frequent trips to the local fertility clinic and regular “sessions” in bed quickly showed that Leo’s ability to conceive mid-pregnancy had not waned, but actually increased, much to the surprise of medical experts everywhere. As the two experimented, hey found that Leo was growing SO pregnant that one could actually see him slowly grow larger by the second after the couple had fooled around, a fact Leo would take some time to adjust to…

2 months later

“Are you sure you don’t want to just… email the guy?” asked Marko, a little worriedly, in the drivers seat of the couple’s van. “I want to at least attend ONE class in person, even if I’m too big for the desks!” replied Leo from the passengers seat, squeezed between the back of the chair and the glove compartment. His belly, while still in the first trimester, had ballooned to look quintuplet heavy, and that was a conservative estimate. In order to maintain some modesty at his size, he wore a sleek, black, belly support belt, which covered his underbelly. Over that were dress slacks, which paired well with his maternity button-up dress shirt. The shirt only BARELY reached to the hem of the support belt, but overall, he looked sharp, and it was clear an attempt was made.

“I know you want to take some classes and eventually earn a degree, but… aren’t you making it a little hard for yourself like this?” asked Marko. Leo shook his head, “Naw hon, it’s all part of my master plan. See, I waddle in like THIS,” he gave his belly a hearty pat, “and gain instant sympathy, then I tell the instructor I’m growing too large to get around, and he’ll switch me to his online course, AND grade everything I do with a curve! Because clearly the tired, hugely pregnant guy is doing his best!” Leo grinned a troublesome grin, “meanwhile I’m stuffing my face, getting foot rubs, and half-assing all of my assignments for easy college credits!” Marko shook his head, a little exasperated. “You’re such a little slytherin,” he said, getting out of the car.

He circled around and opened the door for Leo, helping him get to his feet. He gave him a little smooch on the head for luck, “You don’t think our little escapade before you got dressed for this is going to be a problem, do you?” he asked. Leo shrugged, “more belly, more sympathy,” he replied with a little smirk, before turning to waddle away. Marko turned on his heel, and shifted back into the divers seat. He wondered if Leo could make it through the whole class. “He’s grown to love the attention though,” he said to himself, “So maybe he’ll be okay…”

Leo DID love the attention. Compared to his outing at the mall so very long ago, the pregnant man had come to revel in the stares he received. Sure, some were stares of confusion, but more so there were stares of admiration, and curiosity. In some rarer cases, he even noticed a couple stares of jealousy, and a little lust. Leo knew full well that Marko wasn’t the only person into sizable midriffs, he just wasn’t expecting to see so many others. And he could certainly tell who was who in this case. The stolen glances and subdued blushes were all the proof he needed.

When he reached the classroom and stepped through the door, his sizable belly entered before the rest of him, and immediately he was the center of attention. The space was set up like a theatre, with rows of seats lined up, bolted to the floor, with little folding desks built into the arm rests. Cautiously, Leo made his way down the shallow steps toward a middle row, his tummy blocking his view of his feet, making each step a little more treacherous than he liked. He squeezed into a spot toward the right side of the room, close to the door so he could leave easily.

Leo’s wide hips and ass meant he filled the WHOLE seat, with a little overflow, and the front of his tummy brushed against the back of the seat in front of him. He was really starting to feel his size. The other students were clearly trying to be polite, but it wasn’t a secret they were all eyeing him, all secretly wondering if he’d go into labor right then and there. If only they knew… thought Leo with a smirk. 

He tried unfolding the desk to write on, but… his oversized belly just got in the way. He tried everything short of brute force to try to get it to unfold for use, but alas, he took up too much space. He shrugged, and grabbed his notebook from his bag, resigned to use his belly shelf as a table. That was when he felt something shift deep within his body. “Oh no,” he whispered.

He’d started growing again. Marko had been right.

Leo realized that maybe sex right before class wasn’t such a great idea, but it was too late now. Leo felt his button up shirt grow increasingly tight, and the stitches on his slacks and belly belt strain as his body stretched for new occupants. He fought against the friction of is own thighs against the arm rests as he tried to get up, the slowly increasing weight of his belly not doing him any favors. He felt something rip, and jerked up rapidly in response, which just caused a button on his shirt to pop off. PING! It bounced off of the whiteboard, and Leo felt a blush of embarrassment roll across his face.

Everyone was actively staring now, and Leo needed to vacate, quickly. Turning with a wide breadth, he started waddling back up the steps. PING! Another button popped off as his belly belt rode down, exposing more of his bare, pale tummy. He threw his notebook back in his bag and dug for his phone, needing to get ahold of Marko. He could feel his pregnant belly slowly stretch itself bigger, and for the first time, Leo wondered if they overdid it on the fertility drugs.

He burst through the door with surprising speed for a man in his condition, and finally found his cell. Speed dialing Marko, he heard his belly belt pop a little with each step, the elastic failing as he continued to grow. “C’mon, c’mon, pick up!” he pleaded. Leo felt his belly start to widen out, and realized that his belly belt was just growing too tight to be safe. Taking a deep breath, he yanked the belt down, causing his huge and heavy tummy to flop downward form the lack of support.

“Hello? Is everything okay?” Marko finally picked up. “No! This was a mistake! I started growing in class and I’m too big for everything now! Come pick me up!” Leo hissed into the receiver, trying not to make any more of a scene. “Alright, just, go to where I dropped you off, I’ll be right there!” Leo hung up and began waddling toward the exit, his tummy swaying a little more with each heavy step. He could feel his weight increasing as he moved, and swore his midriff wasn’t the only thing swelling up.

He left the college building just in time to watch Marko pull up, getting out to open the car door for his poor husband. Marko’s eyes grew wide when he saw how much Leo had grown in such a short span of time. He ran to meet him halfway and help Leo back to the van. Right as Leo sat down fully, he felt his slacks split open at the seams on the side, letting out a resounding RRRRRIIIP! As his thighs became exposed. Marko quickly shut the door to preserve any privacy Leo still had, and scurried back to the drivers side, hopping in and driving away. 

Leo’s hands covered his face as his cheeks burned with a vibrant blush. He couldn’t believe he’d let that happen. “Are… you okay hon?” asked Marko. Leo nodded, his hands not leaving his face. “Yeah… I’m just going to switch to online classes and never show my face there again. It’s fine,” he whimpered. Marko felt bad for him, that had to be embarrassing. “Would… some ice cream make you feel better?” he offered. Leo slid his hands down, giving Marko the cutest look. “A gallon of sherbet would be nice…” he replied. Marko smirked, “...and some tummy rubs while you eat it?” he sweetened the deal. 

“Mhmmm…” “...and… maybe a little more than just a tummy rub?” Marko offered. Leo smiled for the first time since he got in the car. “You know that’s what got us into this mess,” said Leo. “I know… but we’re out of this mess, and you said it yourself, you’re going to switch to online right away. What’s the harm?” Leo, without breaking eye contact, firmly gripped the sides of his shirt, and pulled them apart, popping the rest of the buttons. “You just wanna get your hands on this tummy, don’t’cha?” he teased. Marko turned bright red, and sped up the car. He had ice cream to get.

5 months later

“You think it was a bit much to rent out an entire theatre for just us?” asked Leo, his massive, gravid form slowly squeezing through the double doors. “Not at all, we’re sneaking in 95 extra people, I’d say we’re getting our money’s worth!” joked Marko, helping Leo navigate the tight confines of the wide movie theatre halls. Leo’s belly, now the size of a small car, was supported by a makeshift frame with rotatable wheels, with a soft pillowy top to make it more comfortable. It creaked under the massive weight of Leo’s pregnant belly, which audibly sloshed with amniotic fluid. Thankfully, the ramp down to the center seats was wide, though Leo could still feel the walls brush against the sides of his tummy.

“Alright, gonna turn you left now,” warned Marko as he walked to the side of Leo’s belly, squeezing between it and the wall. With more grunting than he was proud of, he turned Leo 90 degrees to the side, meaning he could now move forward down to their spot, smack in the center of the empty theatre, the perfect view. “I’m not TOO pregnant, am I?” asked Leo, seeing how out of breath Marko was after the effort. “Nonsense -HUFF- honey, in fact, I intend to make you -HUFF- even more so tonight!” he teased in response.

Leo’s footfalls were slow, but heavy, as his gravid body had swelled pretty much everywhere but his face. His ass and hips were wide enough for two seats, and his breasts had expanded considerably in order to ramp up milk production for later. Really, even with his mammoth midriff, he was still a sight to behold. After what felt like ages, they had finally reached the center-most seats. Leo noticed an extra wide one had been installed at a 90 degree angle, allowing him to sit comfortably and watch the film without being blocked by his belly.

“How did you pull this off?” Asked Leo. Marko winked. “I have my ways,” he answered. Leo slowly lowered himself into the seat, the soft cushions feeling good on his aching, pregnant body. He sighed in relief, happy to get off of his feet, and just reveled in being pampered by his husband to the point of theatre remodeling. He felt special. “This whole experience would really go well with some carmel corn… OH or some red vines!” Leo began feeling the pangs of pregnancy cravings. 

Marko’s proud smile grew into a smug grin as he slid past Leo’s gargantuan belly, shuffling around in some bags. “What’s you doing hon?” asked Leo. Marko quickly made his way back to a place Leo could reach, before handing him a bag of caramel corn, and a drum of red vines. “I had a feeling you would want these,” Leo took the candy and gestured for Marko to lean forward, which he did, before placing a playful little peck of a kiss on his nose. “You’re adorable. Now sit down, the lights are dimming!

Marko took his seat next to his massive husband, a hand idly resting on the pregnant belly as the lights went out and the film began, kicking off a lovely evening.

8 months later

Leo was glad they had such an open floor plan in their house. Not only did it add a lot of brightness to the space, but it gave him a place within the house where he could FIT. Now carrying somewhere in the neighborhood of 270 to 300 babies, the doctors aren’t sure on specifics, his astoundingly large belly had the volume of a city bus, though retained a vaguely orbular shape. He’d been immobile for a while now, though aside from some cabin fever, Marko was able to provide everything he needed to be happy. Marko was now a stellar cook, and was great at getting what Leo wanted before the man even had to ask for it.

Right now though, Marko was relaxing, playing on his switch and lounging, where else, but atop Leo’s gigantic belly. At this point the widened apex of tummy skin was less of a shelf and more of a mattress, and the large curve of skin was so warm and inviting to Marko. He’d seen every inch of this belly countless times, but he as still amazed at it. Marko’s nightly cocoa butter rubs had been doing their job, as Leo didn’t have a single stretchmark on his person, even when carrying around 300 babies.

“How’s you town coming?” asked Leo, resting on the couch. His butt took up two cushions, and was now wide enough that it would impede passage through doorways if his tummy didn’t do that already. “Really good! I just got Audie to move in! And my garden looks so cute!” Leo pursed his lips in thought, “Which one is Audie? Is she the fox one?” he asked. “I mean… she’s ‘supposed’ to be a wolf but she looks like a fox…” replied Marko. He gently sat up, scooting to the left broadside of Leo’s tummy, and sliding down, nintendo switch in hand. He landed with a solid THUNK and walked over to Leo’s side. “You know that’s got to be hell on your knees,” advised Leo. Marko shrugged, “You’re not wrong, but like… it’s so fun to do that,”

Leo jokingly rolled his eyes and looked at the handheld screen, taking in Marko’s painstakingly curated garden. “Are those… trans pride colors?” asked Leo, pointing to a strip of blue, pink, and white along the right side of the flower beds. Marko grinned. “Yeah, that section is for you! And if you count, I have 52 total flowers in place, two for us, and 50 for the kids!” The pair smiled warmly. “You’re going to need a MUCH bigger garden here in about a week…” said Leo, his hands resting on his massive boobs, pushed to the sides by his even more massive tummy.

“Oh don’t worry, I’ve already started stockpiling more...” Marko trailed off. “Something on your mind, honey?” asked Leo. Marko shook his head slowly, before changing his tune. “I’m just… really, REALLY, going to miss this tummy of yours. And I’m trying to think of how to make the most of these last few days without seeming too needy, y’know?” he explained. Leo sighed and smiled. “Honey you’re NOT needy for wanting some extra tummy time before I pop. If anything I’M the needy one in this relationship. You do all the work! I just sit here and gestate!” Marko blushed. “I mean yeah but being pregnant is work in and of itself, especially THIS pregnant! Like I don’t want to do anything you aren’t comfortable with,” Leo placed a hand on Marko’s shoulder. He would have used both hands, but he couldn’t reach past his own chest. 

“Marko. My love. You have my full, complete, and enthusiastic permission do to whatever you would like to with my belly, for the next seven days. Whether is be painting again, massaging, dressing up, touching, lotioning… whatever. Go absolutely nuts babe. Consider it a gift for taking such good care of me!” said Leo. Marko’s eyes glittered and cheeks flushed bright red at the possibilities. He giddily bounced in place, “Are you sure?! You can rescind that offer at any point, it’s okay!” Marko said in a fast, excited tempo. Leo nodded. “I know, but I don’t plan to. This is your week babe, starting right now!”

The first thing Marko did was plant a firm, deep kiss onto Leo’s lips, which Leo leaned into passionately in turn. “You’re the best babe!” Marko said, bolting around to the front of Leo’s gargantuan belly. “What are you doing?” laughed Leo, having to shout so his voice would carry to the far end of his tum. “This!” Marko pressed his whole body into Leo’s belly, his hand working its way to his popped navel. He began rubbing tiny circles around it, occasionally stopping to poke it. Leo was sensitive there, and Marko knew it.

At the same time, he began planting kisses of increasing duration over Leo’s taught skin, which riled up some movement from inside. “Oohhh, they seem to like that…” said Leo. “do you?” asked Marko. Leo paused, “...Yeah,” Marko began alternating between kissing and licking Leo’s distended, hyperpregnant midriff, eliciting groans and coos of pleasure from Leo. Marko then did something he never had before, and left a delightful little hickey on the aft of Leo’s tummy. He stopped, waiting for a response. A few long seconds passed before Leo asked “did you just… give me a hickey?” Marko blushed so hard you could hear it in his voice. “Maybe… I won’t do it again if you don’t want me to. I know you pride yourself on your blemishless tumm-” “Do it again,”

Now Marko paused. “You sure? Cause I’m gonna get really into it…” “That felt like nothing I’ve ever had before. Please do it again,” Leo responded. Marko didn’t hesitate to fulfill his request, and left three more in semi-rapid succession, before retuning to kissing and affectionately worshipping the belly. It was going to be a good week for Marko.

[katierosefun]

i originally had a september wrap-up post queued but then tumblr fucking ate it, which made me very angry because i didn’t want to re-type the whole thing, but i’m procrastinating, so here i am, re-typing the whole thing of all the things i watched/consumed over the month of september, even if it’s a little late: (it’s fine, i didn’t watch a whole ton of stuff except...a lot of kdramas lmao. oh, and visions.) 

k-dramas: 

beyond evil 

okay, so i think this has been on my rec list for literally forever now, but...besties, i’m on my fifth watch of this goddamn show in the span of maybe two months, so if that doesn’t tell you how much this show has been a comfort/eating my brain lately, idk what will. 

i literally never shut up about this show, but if you’ve somehow been missing from my blog for a little bit, a quick summary: lee dong sik (played by the ever-wonderful shin ha kyun) was accused of murder + kidnapping a few young women, including his own twin sister 20 years ago. he’s lived a pretty quiet life on his own, and now 20 years later, his whole world is turned upside down again when hotshot new inspector han joo won (played by the talented yeo jin goo) comes into this little town. when the murders start up again, these two are thrown into a hellishly complex mystery. will throw you in for a hellish loop. i think my thoughts best summarize this show as come for the murder mystery, stay for whatever the hell joo won and dong sik have. 

okay, but all joking aside about how much i love joo won and dong sik (because...i truly do love them), this show was incredibly healing. once again: this show has quickly become a comfort show, basically to the point where i just watch it whenever i feel down (which happens to be a lot these days). idk man. humans aren’t meant to carry burdens on their own and all that stuff. sometimes u just need to remind yourself that. 

the crowned clown 

so, after watching beyond evil the fourth time, i realized that maybe i wanted to watch some of the actors’ other works. that was how i found myself watching the crowned clown, which...is an excellent kdrama now available on netflix (also on viki for free, just as beyond evil is). honestly, it’s been a hot second since i’ve watched historical dramas (saeguks), so i was a little unsure what to expect, but this show. bro. this show reminded me just how much i love historical dramas, because the court politics? the costumes? the music? the acting? fantastic. 

basically, this show is about the young clown (ie. performer) ha seon (played by yeo jin goo) who now has to replace the king, who might be like...two seconds away from snapping (if he hasn’t already). the reason they’re able to do this is because they look exactly identical despite not being related. 

this story is honestly wonderful. i loved it, and it’s an interesting way to look at the story behind the actual king (because. apparently this king was a real person, and i think his story has inspired quite a few other korean movies/shows). i thought yeo jin goo was brilliant in this show, and it’s really no surprise he became the youngest person ever nominated for a baeksang award because of this series. i was truly blown away by just how versatile he proved to be of an actor, and his dynamics with the other characters (the queen, the secretary being my fave, as well as the old eunuch jo), i just...bro. i’ll admit i wasn’t the biggest fan of the romance (don’t get me wrong! it was sweet!), but i think that might have been because this was so court politics heavy, and i adored it for that. if you’ve never watched a historical drama but want to and just don’t know where to start, i highly recommend this. 

d.p. 

bro....this show was dark. i watched it all in 2 days (pretty easy to do, considering it’s 6 episodes and maybe 40-50 minutes long per episode), and i needed to lie down. this is just one of those shows that i feel is...very important to watch, even if the content matter isn’t very bright. 

basically, dp is about two deserter pursuit officers: ahn jun ho (played by jung hae in) and han ho yul (played by koo kyo hwan). deserter pursuit officers are basically people who chase after people who deserted their military post--and for those who don’t know, being in the military is mandatory for men in south korea. this is the result of the armistice between the north and the south--basically, since north korea never agreed to an actual peace treaty, south korea is constantly under threat of war, which is why men need to serve at least a few years. (this is why a lot of actors + kpop band members often take breaks from their careers--to fulfill their military service time. because yup, even celebrities aren’t exempt from service!) 

anyways, this show really doesn’t pull back their punches. major trigger warnings for things like intense harrassment, suicide, domestic violence...it really does capture just how dark life can be, and also how toxic the military can be for men. because of that, i felt this show was incredibly well-crafted, incredibly nuanced, and in the end, i just felt sad. that said though, there was a hopeful ending, and i’m glad that this show was renewed for a second season, as i think this show is just...really important. 

squid game 

okay, so i don’t want to be that person, but your girl was watching squid game right after it came out, so i was here before the hype train--but okay, okay, i digress. (i am glad that this show is getting hype. i feel it’s very important that people watch this show.) 

if you haven’t noticed how squid game’s climbed to #1 on netflix worldwide (i think, anyways), well, then...buddy. squid game is about a bunch of people who have the chance to earn lots of money by playing what seems like innocent children’s games. (spoilers: they are far from innocent.) 

this show scarred me, to be honest. i needed to watch something lighthearted after this, just because it was so intense. lots of trigger warnings for blood and gore, as well as just. losing faith in humanity. but also, like dp, i felt this show was necessary. it was incredibly well-constructed in that it showed just what desperate people will do in order to survive, as well as exactly what a terrible capitalistic society will do to the working class. it’s depressing and sad, but also incredibly chilling because like. you can’t help but watch the characters and think, but would i do the same thing? i just want to pay off my own debt and take care of my family. wouldn’t i do the same thing? 

i won’t say more of this show for fear of spoilers, but. let me just say. that i really am glad this show exists. i hope people actually notice what the fuck it’s saying about our current system too, because hm, maybe i just want to suck the fun out of things, but there’s something very disturbing about how people are already cute-ifying this show (ie. “this is what i would wear to the squid games! :D” and “look at these squid-game inspired cookies! :D”, as if this show didn’t just deliver a heart-crushing message about capitalism + how the wealthy fuck over anyone who isn’t the 1% BUT ANYWAYS) 

tv 

star wars: visions 

lately i’ve been feeling weird about star wars for lots of different reasons which i don’t particularly feel like addressing today, but. visions really reminded me why i fell in love with star wars in the first place. i think for starters, well. it’s no surprise when i say that i felt an intense amount of joy of seeing east asian cultures so beautifully incorporated and respected in this show (no surprise seeing that this show was literally crafted by japanese anime studios), but like. it really was. a beautiful thing. i cried at least once per episode, either because i was so in awe of the animation and the themes or because i was just in awe that this thing exists. 

i think my favorite episode had to be the village bride--there was something so incredibly powerful about seeing someone who looked a bit like me say i am a jedi. what an iconic line. what an iconic story about a sad traumatized gal deciding to step up and fight, actually. peak star wars. 

but besides all that...i really did feel like...this show captured the beauty and essence of what makes star wars actually good. the themes of good versus evil, a lot of stuff between siblings (bro....the twins and lop and ocho FUCKED ME UP), choosing to have brighter and better days ahead (the village bride, the ninth jedi, the duel, tatooine rhapsody)...like, i really loved how each episode really took everything that was good about star wars and just turned it into something even more beautiful. this series will stay with me for a long time, i think--and i am very grateful for the people involved in this project for reminding me why i fell in love with this universe in the first place. :”)

[theramseyloft]

Hello! I was wondering what sort of requirements pigeons would have and the whole breeds thing. (Sorry long ask) How much room would a pidge need? Like cage size and also, how would one go about excersizing them? Do you reccomend letting them fly free for the day and come back at night? Would they possibly get hurt or catch a disease/parasites out there? Are they expensive to keep? And what breeds are the most friendly/affectionate? Thank you :) 1/2

You know how some dogs have been bred to look nice but have a multitude of health problems (ie pug, chihuahua, great dane ,dachshund ect) does that happen in pigeons too? And if so, how does one know which might be genetically predisposed to getting problems later on or just generally wont have the best quality of life? 2/2

Whuf!

These are really broad questions. I’ll have to break them down and answer ne at a time, so I apologize in advance for the length of time it will take me to get this ask out.

“How much room would a pidge need? Like cage size...”

Pigeon breeds range in size from the tiny Valencian Figurita and Portuguese tumblers (vying constantly to be the worlds smallest breed) to the literally chicken sized Giant Runt.

So the amount of space required depends on the breed’s size and energy level.

Homers are about the average.

Here is an old picture from before the loft’s redesign of two of my breeding pair in their pens.

These are labrador sized dog crates, outfitted with a rabbit’s corner litter pan as a nest box and a garden stake cut to length as a perch.

Pigeons need flat perches because they are cliff nesters. Round ones like branches or dowels hurt their feet.

If yours is going to be a house pet, the cage should be what a crate is for dogs: A safe place to sleep or wait for you to get home until it learns the house rules.

Pigeons are intensely social birds that are happiest with the freedom of motion to come see you when they want, and go occupy themselves when they don’t want company.

The nice thing about pigeons is that they don;t need to be all over you all the time. They are independent enough to go do their own thing, but want to be able to come check on or spend time with you.

Which dovetails nicely into your next question: “how would one go about exercising them?”

A pigeon allowed to free range indoors will exercise themself plenty.

If you cannot let them free range the entire house, letting them out in your bedroom while you are home will be fine for most breeds.

“Do you reccomend letting them fly free for the day and come back at night?”

Absolutely not!

“Would they possibly get hurt or catch a disease/parasites out there?”

That possibly could be turned all the way up to a guarantee.

Performance breeds like racers, rollers, and tumblers are over bred to make up for the losses during training flights from inclement weather getting a bird lost, hawks snatching them out of the air, and diseases picked up from wild birds and brought back.

“Are they expensive to keep?”

After the initial cost for set up and the vet check to make sure they don’t have parasites and aren’t ill, the upkeep for a few is shockingly cheap.

You can get a lab sized kennel for $50-70. If you want an even bigger space, Great Dane kennels are about $80.

You can buy a wooden garden stake from pretty much any hardware store for about $5.

The bunny corner box is not required if you aren’t breeding. Pigeons will just as happily use a dollar store dog bowl to nest in.

My vet bill for a new bird is $70: $35 for the exotics wellness exam, $20 for a throat swab, and $15 for a fecal test.

I expected feral and lost birds to have lice, worms, parasites, and infections, but was floored when every single show bird I ever purchased from breeders did too!

You’re better off in the long run assuming something needs to be healed, cleaned out, or cleared up and just finding out from the vet as soon as they get there what needs treating.

Clear it out then, and an inside bird is pretty well set.

You can buy 50lbs of feed for $20 at Tractor supply.

And 50lbs of calcium supplements for $11.

I have 36 pigeons and 2 ringneck doves right now, so 50lbs lasts me a little over a week.

But a single bird will eat off of that for over half a year.

“And what breeds are the most friendly/affectionate?”

Most of the Exhibition breeds are pretty friendly, but from most to least kennel space, here are the ones I have enjoyed the most hands on:

Utility kings

These are the size of chickens and will need a LOT of flight time. 

They are a meat breed, so they are genetically predisposed to docility, but also obesity.

They do best free roaming the house full time. It’s really hard to find a cage big enough to comfortably accommodate them.

Giant Homers

Utility kings are a squabbing breed, designed for constant production of big squabs, so they are more bird-shaped than the Giant Homer, which was bred to be eaten as an adult, and then for the aesthetic of a fat round bird.

Like the Utility King, Giant Homers are known for their mellow, gentle temperaments. But after having worked with them for a few years, it seems mostly to be that they are simply too big and heavy to evade effectively, and they know it.

Along with being prone to obesity, their sheer weight puts tremendous pressure on their feet and they can develop huge, painful calluses.

I like my mixes better than their purebred parents, because they inherited the temperament with out the bulk that causes painful or dangerous health issues.

Lahore

Named for the city in Pakistan where they were developed, the Lahore is a huge, gorgeous bird. 

Their wing span more then the size of their actual body makes them difficult to cage, so it’s best they have the run of at least a bedroom.

these are laid back and mellow, but not exactly touch me birds. If one gets on your shoulder or in your lap, feel honored.

Frillbacks

For the same reason as the Lahore, Frillbacks can be difficult to pen indoors. 

An individual can be happy in a Great Dane sized kennel, but frankly won’t fit comfortably into anything smaller.

These are very laid back, not especially flighty, and quite friendly. Young birds are very much cuddle bugs, and the individual pictured still comes up to me to nurse between my fingers.

No known associated health issues, but individuals with especially long muffs can stay especially still because the shaft of the feather under the skin of their feet is bigger around than the bones of their toes, making walking painful.

Show standards require large muffs, so it can be hard to find them with muffs like Bean’s here.

There is one breeder that raises hers with short muffs and entirely clean legged. I’ll be happy to link you.

Voorburg Shield Cropper

These leggy, slender birds are a pain to house because of their height, but the only breed I know of with points taken off in the show standard if they are not friendly enough to try to court the judges.

This sweet flamboyant temperament makes them an absolute delight to work with!

These are the first on the list with no known health issues associated with the breed.

Show Type Racing homer

This is an elegant exhibition breed, easy to house in the example set up we discussed at the beginning of the ask.

They are bulkier than racing homers or flying type show homers, VERY tightly feathered.

This is a wonderfully sweet tempered breed that tends not to be especially flighty. 

Some of that is due to the sheer bulk of its musculature, but most of it does genuinely seem to be temperament.

Old Dutch Capuchine 

These have a reputation for being docile, but I have found them to be quite flighty.

Mixes incorporating this breed, though, tend to be quite bold and out going.

Racing Homer

This is the most commonly available pigeon breed.

Bred for endurance racing, this is a very high energy bird that needs a LOT of time out of the pen to fly. 

They have the strongest immune system and highest intelligence of any of the pure breeds.

though some individuals can be hair-trigger flighty, this breed is keenly intelligent and highly curious, and those individuals can learn to overcome their flightiness if their handler can learn to be aware enough of their comfort levels not to startle them with too-quick motion.

Lucerne Peak Crest

Named, like the Lahore, after the city in Switzerland where the breed was developed.

The Lucerne is an extremely temperature hardy breed. 

It’s among what are called the Owl Breeds; small, compact breeds with short to mid length beaks, round faces, and large, round eyes.

Most of the owl breeds are mellow and sweet tempered, boldly curious, and not generally prone to be flighty.

Their beaks being a little short makes their nasal slit narrow and the opening to their sinuses wide, so small seeds like Millet can get stuck in the nasal cavity of some individuals.

Classic Old Frill

Oh, this is my favorite purebred.

The total pidge package: Small, friendly, shockingly beautiful, devoted parents. 

There is absolutely everything to love about this wonderful cuddle bug breed.

Nun

These are a gorgeous breed, often described as being friendly because they are not smart enough to be wary.

They are unspeakably awful parents, prone to literally treating their eggs like an especially large, uncomfortable poop.

Old German Owl

Another absolute delight of a charming little Owl breed.

These are as stubborn as they are sweet tempered, which can make them a really fun challenge to train.

These are cuddle bugs, for the most part. 

Chinese Owl

These are tiny little clouds that range from intensely curious and strongly treat motivated to absolute refusal to have anything to do with anything even remotely human shaped with very little in between. 

Small and easy to house.

Portuguese Tumbler

This is a tiny bird, not much taller than a conure.

They are bred purely for aerial performance, so this is a SUPER high energy breed that, like the racing homer, needs a LOT of out time.

They are very bold in their friendliness, eager to check up on you and steal a cheek-smooch before zooming off to resume doing their own thing.

Unfortunately, their breed standard requires their back toe not to touch the ground. They go on tippy toes when they are happy, excited, or relaxed, which makes something like a human hand or shoulder physically difficult to balance on, and there for uncomfortable to stand on.

So trying to pet one throws their balance and stresses them severely.

Mixes with stronger feet are thrilled to have the affectionate attention of human flock mates.

Valencian Figurita

The tiniest owl breed, currently just barely winning out over the Portuguese tumbler.

It’s known for its trapezoidal head shape and upright stance.

This is a bold, plucky little bird that in my experience loves shoulders. ^v^

They are bred a little too small, though, tending to only lay one egg to a clutch, with many dying in the shell with out space for the peep to develop.

Their hatchlings are often given to ringneck doves to foster.

“You know how some dogs have been bred to look nice but have a multitude of health problems (ie pug, chihuahua, great dane ,dachshund ect) does that happen in pigeons too?”

Oh, god, you would not believe the number of pigeon breeds that aren’t even bird shaped!

There are nearly twice as many severely distorted breeds as fit, bird shaped ones.

Check the Modern art Pigeons tag.

“And if so, how does one know which might be genetically predisposed to getting problems later on or just generally wont have the best quality of life?”

Pippin is a feral pigeon.

This is about the closest you can get to the base line natural shape of the species Columba livia.

The more pigeon-shaped the breed, the better.

Ferals are, genetically, a blend of the homers, rollers, and tumblers that survived getting lost on training tosses or during performances.

Here is Wilson, another purebred Racing homer.

Because this breed is designed to fly marathons literally hundreds of miles, it’s a lot more compact and muscular than Ferals and genuinely wild Rock Doves, who only need to fly as far as it takes to find enough to eat in a day.

The farther off this base line you go, the less physically fit the breed.

The American Fantail is an especially heinous train wreck.

Its chest is out thrust over its head, its neck curves parallel to its spine, and its head is propped up by its own tail feathers.

This pitiful creature is not just displaying.

Their skeleton is permanently stuck in that shape.

Parlor rollers are bred with a combination of neuromuscular defects that throw their balance when ever they flap their wings, sending them into a panic as they flail to right themselves.

Parlor Tumblers have a less severe version of the same group of deformities:

We talked about the Old dutch Capuchine above.

Jacobins are the extreme “modern” version of the ODC.

You could trim their feathers to clear their field of vision

But their very long necks tend to collapse into their shoulders with age.

The male Barb’s huge, wrinkled wattle and ceres block off their nasal passages and deform the eyelids so that they may not be able to fully close.

Cocks usually go blind with in three years, but that doesn’t matter to their breeders because their peak show and reproductive performance is between their first and second year of age.

The Short Faced Budapest’s show standard requires its eyes to telescope as much as possible.

Its eyes are literally bigger than its skull, and don;t fit in their sockets.

The eye lid is all that holds them in.

And some can’t fully close their eyes.

This is the Oriental Frill, also called the Modern Frill.

they have literally no beak.

Turbits have a longer head, but a nearly inverted beak.

These birds can;t feed their own young, and struggle to preen themselves.

Aaaand here is the Egyptian Moraslat 

This is a very typical attitude among breeders of these birds with extreme body shapes.

I also have a series on weird, but physically sound breeds, and would be happy to go more into those in another ask.

[talesofstyles]

Masterlist

Alright babies, I’ve decided to put all my writings in one place so it’ll be easier for you to find them. There aren’t a lot yet but you’ve got more things coming your way. Bonne lecture!

* denotes filth

One Shots

Happy Anniversary*

tags: husband!harry, dad!harry, lawyer!harry

In which you celebrate your anniversary in Harry’s office

***

“Don’t chuck me just yet,” he jokes, and you can feel the words said against your lips at the same time as you hear them.

You give him another quick kiss, giggling as you pull away. “Don’t worry,” you shake your head. “Not for another fifty years.”

“Make it seventy, will ya?” A sly smile playing at the corner of his lips.

“Sixty five,” you deadpan. “Give or take.”

He’s chuckling as he lets one of his palms slide up your leg, the other running down your back, stopping just above your arse. His grins widen when he doesn’t feel anything else beside your work dress covering them. “You’re not wearing anything under this?”

“Not a stitch,” you murmur.

***

Good Morning Indeed*

tags: husband!harry, dad!harry

In which Harry and his wife is trying to sneak in a little quickie in the midst of the family’s morning chaos. Followed by 50/50 bread tantrums, wrestling a biscuit-hunting kid who’s set on having Hobnobs for breakfast and two stroppy teething babies. Fun.

***

She grinds her hips. Also another well-rehearsed move that she knows will get me off. But I freeze again, because there’s a second set of footsteps and the sound of a toilet flushing. Oh, and the babies next door are starting to whimper.

Great.

“I’M HUNGRY!” That’s James, darling little cockblocker number four who likes to be fed on time. He’s three.

“WE’LL BE OUT IN A SECOND!” My wife shouts over my shoulder. “Harry for the love of god-”

I pick up the rhythm. Small beads of sweat form on my brow. She grinds her hips again, and I try to focus. “Just like that, fuck, keep doing that.”

“Sshh, keep your voice down.”

“IS THERE ANY BREAD THAT ISN’T 50/50?” That’s Eleanor, child number two. She’s seven, and she’s one of those children who seem to possess a discernible palate that knows when we’ve changed brands of baked beans or attempt to bring sugar-free fruit squash through the doors.

“IT’S THE SAME,” I reply.

“NO, IT’S NOT. DO WE HAVE OTHER FOOD?”

“THERE ARE SHREDDIES.”

“DON’T LIKE ‘EM.”

“PORRIDGE.”

“I’M NOT A BEAR!”

Honestly, seven-year-olds gunning for a fight this early in the morning can go do one.

***

Drs Styles*

tags: husband!harry, dad!harry, doctor!harry

***

“You haven’t called me Styles in years,“ I turn to her with a grin. “Not since medical school.”

I can’t help but flashback to those days when we had matching university hoodies and we’d test each other on the parts of a kidney whilst walking into lectures, sitting next to each other, sharing pens and cans of Lilt.

“Well, I became a Styles too,” she chuckles. “Would’ve been confusing then, wouldn’t it?”

“True,” I laugh under my breath, then I grab her hand and pull it to my mouth so I can kiss her knuckles. “Thank you.”

“What for?”

“For being a Styles.”

“Aw, aren’t we soppy tonight?” She smirks. “Alright, stop the car.”

“What?”

“There,” she points to a dark empty spot and I oblige.

Then, before I can even ask her why, she reaches over and grabs me by the collar. Pulling me close to kiss me. I kiss her back, and I smile when she bites gently on my bottom lip.

“Oi, oi. Something’s got you randy.”

***

Reconcile

tags: husband!harry, dad!harry 

In which nearly divorced Harry is trying to win his wife back. Oh and his bitter nine-year-old daughter.

***

“He makes her happy.”

“I’m her husband,” I can’t help but say bitterly. “I should be the one making her happy.”

“Look, I’m sorry mate,” he offers, I know he’s trying his best to keep his tone neutral. “Maybe you need to get back in the dating game too. It’ll distract you.”

“I don’t want to fucking date anyone else,” I growl.

“I know it’s hard to get back in the saddle,” he adds sympathetically.

“I don’t want to get out of my current saddle,” I grumble. “I want to keep my current saddle with my wife in it.”

Jamie blinks in surprise, hell I’m even surprised at what I’ve just said out loud because I’ve never admitted this since we split. When YN asked me to leave, I assumed right away that my marriage was over. I didn’t want it to, but I thought there was nothing I could do.

But now, seeing her laughing at another man’s joke and his hand holding hers, I just know that I can’t let her go without a fight.

“Have you told her this?” He asks curiously.

I shake my head again. “We haven’t got the chance to have a civil conversation these days.”

“Then I suggest you stop being such a bloody whinge bucket and have a civil conversation with your wife.”

My shoulders immediately sag in defeat. “I know. I need to sit down with her and tell her how I feel.”

“Which is?” He presses.

“That I want her back,” I mutter.

***

Reconcile II*

tags: husband!harry, dad!harry

***

There’s a strange feeling of déjà vu as I take a seat on the steps in front of the cottage.

I’m all packed up and ready to go. My weekender bag is in the boot of my car. Nothing left to do but say goodbye to my wife and kids, but I don’t go straight inside.

Not yet. I need a moment.

These steps witnessed a lot of our marriage even though we’d never stayed here for longer than a couple of weeks at a time. We loved to sit out here in the summer. I remember when I first brought my stuff here shortly after we got married, we sat out here with beers, sleeves rolled up, boxes stacked into Jenga-style columns.

I also remember sitting here last year on Christmas morning. Emma and I were both in our pyjamas and slippers, sipping coffees out of our matching Christmas mugs. We watched the kids ride their new scooters up and down the street. Everything was perfect. I had no idea that my marriage would end in just two months after that.

“Harry?”

I look over my shoulder and I urge her to sit beside me. She comes over and does just that. There is silence. We don’t say a word to each other. A quiet hum of traffic in the distance, puffs of breath cloud the air making me think we should both be wearing coats. Christmas is nearly here again. My heart aches at the thought of this being our first Christmas since everything fell apart.

“I’m sorry,” she says softly.

“I should be the one apologising, Em.”

“I know you wanted to work things out,” I hear the sadness in her voice. “I really loved you, you know that, right?”

“I do,” I nod. “Our marriage, all those years… it wasn’t all bad, though, right?”

“Of course,” she quickly replies. “We had our moments. We have Minnie and George.”

We pause, letting that sink in. In all this mess, those two were and remain everything, some symbol of our marriage not being a complete disaster.

“There were also times when you were a good husband,” she adds.

“Why do I feel like you’re going to pat me on the head?”

Emma laughs under her breath.

“Your new bloke seemed a nice sort,” I tell her, because it’s true. I may hate the guy with a burning passion, but that’s only because he’s dating my wife.

“He is.”

“That got legs?” I ask her.

“Possibly.”

“I want you to be happy, Ems,” I tell her. “With or without me.”

“Harry…”

“But I also want you to know that I’ll be waiting for you. No rush, no timeline. I’ll wait for as long as it takes. Because for me, it’s either you or no one else.”

***

Stitches and Pucks*

tags: hockey!harry, boyfriend!harry

In which LA King’s best player (on and off the ice) has had enough scoring puck bunnies and is now whipped by the new team doctor. 

***

“Let me drive you home,” I quickly say before she gets the chance to order a ride. Not sure why I did that because I certainly have never offered women a ride home without the promise of getting in their knickers, and I can assure you that I won’t be getting anywhere near hers tonight, but maybe I just don’t want this night to end yet.

We’ve been glued at the hip from the moment I bought her first drink, and three hours purely just talking with the same woman? That’s a record in my book. While I’m not ashamed to admit that I also like looking at her, honestly, to me that’s just an added bonus. I think it’s safe to say that I have never met anyone like her before. Granted, with most women usually there wasn’t much talking, but from what I learnt in just the span of three hours is that this doctor of mine is a hell of a lot of fun.

I swear she’s just a pure fucking joy to be around. Conversation with her is like a never-ending merry-go-round and she makes me laugh a lot. She’s bright and witty and she’s one of those people that knows no strangers. She can easily talk about anything from politics to sports even to crude jokes, and add on to that, she’s just so kind and inclusive that several times tonight I actually had to drag her away to one of the back tables so we could have a proper chat without the crowd around us.

“You don’t have to,” she gives me a hesitantly sweet smile.

“But I want to,” I gallantly insist as I turn and offer my arm to her. “Come on, I just want to make sure you get home safe.”

“Well, alright then,” she smirks, her hand easily slides into the crook of my elbow. “I could save a few bucks.”

I roll my eyes and tease her, “didn’t take you to be such a skinflint.”

“Hey!” She playfully slaps my arm with her other hand as she laughs and I’m glad I amuse her.

No, seriously... I like her laugh.

There’s no doubt that she wants me, just as there’s no doubt that I totally want her. We’ve got this really heavy flirting going on all night, and plenty of innuendo, but I won’t be surprised nor disappointed if she doesn’t invite me inside when we get to her home and nothing happens tonight.

We’ll get there, I’m sure.

Until then, I’m completely fine drinking beer, being her personal chauffeur, and getting to know her a little better.

***

Quid Pro Quo

tags: lawyer!harry, enemies to lovers

In which you can’t stand your colleague.

***

“I tell you what, this is ironclad,” you let out a heavy sigh as you throw the document on the coffee table in defeat. “Houdini wouldn’t even get out of this contract.”

“We need to adjourn,” Harry suggests, pinching the bridge of his nose in frustration. “Regroup tomorrow to get to the bottom of this with clear heads. I’ve got a trial at half nine but I’ll be done by noon.”

“I can’t rest before we figure this out,” you state stubbornly, pausing for a second to let out a yawn. “But you go home. I’ll let you know if I’ve got something.”

“No,” Harry shakes his head. “You have to rest. If you were to come up with something you would’ve by now.”

You feel a stab of indignation. “Are you saying that I’m not capable of getting to the bottom of this myself?”

***

The Law of Attraction*

tags: lawyer!harry

Sort of continuation of Quid Pro Quo. In which YN is using Harry to get over her ex, and well... he’s not complaining because she’s a damn good lay.

***

“Cat got your tongue?” He asks and she turns to look at him. He gives her a tiny smirk before his eyes get back on the road, but he reaches his hand out to her bare knee to give her a squeeze. “Still haven’t answered me, doll.”

“Sorry- what did you ask?”

“Why did you want me to go with you?” He asks again. “He wants to merge, right? That’s totally your thing. You don’t need me.”

“You helped me with his crisis a few months ago,” she reminds him. “Just thought we could do his business together again. He’ll be happy he’s getting two partners, the firm will be happy because they can charge double. It’s a win-win, really.”

“Bollocks that,” Harry laughs. “Worst bullshit I’ve ever heard.”

“That’s all, honest,” she feigns innocence.

“Honey, I didn’t go through law school for nothing, did I?” He replies without moving his head, keeping his eyes on the road. “You’re using me as a human condom, aren’t you?”

“What the hell does that even mean?” She drops her jaw in shock at the fact that he calls her out on the carpet just like that.

“You’re afraid you’ll catch feelings again if you’re left alone with him, so you bring me as a shield. Am I right?” He asks her with an accusatory eyebrow raise. “You know what, no need to answer that. Of course I’m right.”

“I told you, he’s just a client now,” she insists, trying to ignore her heart pounding in her chest as Harry’s hand inches its way up her thigh. It’s incredibly arousing, but she also finds it a little disturbing since they’re having a conversation about a man she’s head over heels for. She almost want him to stop but fuck if she’s going to ask him.

“Look, I don’t know exactly what’s going on here,” he says, and it’s really hard for her to concentrate on what he’s saying since he’s squeezing her thigh. His fingers pressing deep into her muscles and she can only wish they’re a few inches higher. “But if in any way you want to get him back, just say the word and I’ll back away, yeah?”

***

Did I Break It?*

tags: husband!harry, dad!harry

In which you and Harry share a glass of wine in the kitchen and enjoy scraps of leftovers from the kids while trying to figure out Year 3 maths homework. Followed by a giggly, quite realistic smut because some nights aren’t just meant to be, are they?

***

“Here, check your boy’s homework then,” you can’t help but grin as you slide his maths book across the counter.

“Easy peasy lemon squeezy,” he mutters jokingly as he catches the book, and his eyes widen as he looks at the questions. “Whoa, equivalent fractions. Year 3 kids do that now? What ‘appened to number lines?”

You let out a hearty laugh. “I know right?! I’m pretty sure I did this in Year 5.”

“Okay, we’ve got this,” he rolls up his sleeves, making you laugh even harder, before tucking a pencil behind one of his ears. “Six over twelve is blank over ninety six. Fuck, what’s ninety six divided by twelve?”

“Now’s the time to use yer brain innit, big head?” You tease him this time.

“Oi!” He complains, trying to sound annoyed but the smile plastered across his face is hard to miss. “Be nice t’me.”

***

In Sickness And In Health*

tags: husband!harry, dad!harry

After the birth of the twins, Harry and YN’s marriage suffers.

***

Sometimes, when the frustration takes over, Harry can’t help but wonder if he could just confront her. ‘What do you want, really? Do you want to get a divorce? Just say it.’ Because he’s tired of feeling helpless. He’s tired of feeling like he may have a little hope one second yet having it crushed the next. But when he sees her, he doesn’t have the heart to.

She’s YN, his wife. He loves her and he can’t lose her.

***

Mess Is Mine

tags: dad!harry

A three-part story about a single dad Harry and single mum YN.

***

“Well, she’s named after me mum so she’s definitely her favourite grandchild so far,” Harry grins. “She’s basically Anya’s second parent, my mum.”

“Oh, I thought her mother is Russian!” YN exclaims. “I love her name.”

Harry’s grin widens as he shakes his head. “Thank you. No, my mum’s name is Anne and I want to name my daughter after her, but having two Anne(s) would be confusing. So I opted for another version of Anne.”

“That’s a really gorgeous name. Your mum must be very happy,” YN says as she tucks her hands inside her pockets because it’s getting a bit chilly.

“Definitely made her my mum’s favourite grandchild for sure. Well, she’s currently her only grandchild so that may change sometime soon,” Harry says proudly, grinning even wider. “I’m gonna be an uncle in a few weeks.”

***

Mess Is Mine II

tags: dad!harry

***

His eyes widen in surprise when YN giggles. “Thought you’d never ask.”

“What?!” He looks at her, surprised. “So you knew? All this time?”

YN is clearly having fun with this. “Knew what?” She asks nonchalantly.

“You’re gonna make me say it, aren’t ya?” He says, his eyes twinkle in delight. “That I fancy ya?”

YN giggles again, folding her arms. “Well, you weren’t being very subtle but you weren’t straightforward either.”

“Tha’ a yes, then?” Harry grins, taking another slug of his wine.

YN smiles back at him. “That’s a hell yes.”

***

Mess Is Mine III*

tags: dad!harry, boyfriend!harry, husband!harry

***

YN is still in her bathrobe when he steps into the bedroom, smiling through the mirror at his reflection from the door. Her hair is done and she’s just putting the last bit of some make-up before she slips into her outfit for the night. Her black lace jumpsuit is ready on the bed, waiting for her.

Harry is still standing by the door, staring at her intensely. He folds his arms across his chest, not a word comes out of his mouth.

“You gonna stand there and gawk at me all night or are you coming in and help me get into my outfit?” YN smirks at him through the mirror.

***

On S’envoie en L’air?*

tags: husband!harry, dad!harry

In which a little mid-day quickie and cockwarming on the balcony are involved during their family holiday to Côte d’Azur. Plus Harry teaching his little boy to swim.

***

“On s’envoie en l’air?” Harry whispered, still standing between your legs as you sat on the edge of the tall bed. You let out a little chuckle. “Wha’?”

“Nothing. S’just your three year old speaks better French than you,” you teased him and he tickled your sides, earning a burst of giggles from you. “It’s true! I swear you only know three sentences; going to the cinema with your family and friends, how to make a coffee this delicious and sh-”

“Shall we ‘ave a shag?” He cut you off, finishing your sentence. A boyish grin plastered across his face as he continued. “Think we shall, hmm?”

***

Half A Heart 

tags: dad!harry, husband!harry

In which Harry’s new album is stressing him out and he lashes out at the kids and his wife.

***

Both you and Harry were stubborn and it seemed that your three years old got that gene. She sighed heavily and tugged on the hem of Harry’s shirt to get his attention. “But, dad-”

She stopped mid-sentence because Harry startled her. He huffed loudly in annoyance and turned to her. His face was stern and it might be the first time in her three years of life that the little girl was scared of her daddy. “Eleanor, what did I say?!” Harry questioned her, not even bothering to use a term of endearment which was strange for him.

***

Half A Heart II

tags: dad!harry, husband!harry

In which Harry tries to make amends with his wife and kids.

***

“Love, don’t say that.” He begged you to stop. He couldn’t hear more of that coming from you.

“No, don’t love me and I will say whatever the fuck I want to say.” It’s rare for you to curse so when you do, he knows that you’re really upset.

“You know it isn’t true.” He spoke lowly. “I didn’t mean anything I said.”

You seethed. “No, I don’t know. I hope it isn’t but I can’t shake the thought that it might be true. The way you said it, it was just very conv-”

Harry cut you off. “It isn’t true. Please don’t let that idea get into your head. I was a complete twat, I didn’t even know what I said. M’sorry.”

***

A Bit Of Singin’

tags: dad!harry

In which Harry’s little girl being extra clingy before her daddy’s show and ends up running to the stage.

***

Suddenly you wanted to sneeze so you let go of Charlotte’s hand to cover your mouth and nose. And what a big mistake that was. Charlotte immediately ran to the stage. You and George tried to catch her but that kid was fast. One of the crews who was standing near the stage managed to catch her but she screamed from the top of her lungs, “NOOO! I WANT TO GO TO M’DADDY!”

The song just ended so the arena was silence for a second, only Charlotte’s screaming was audible. Harry turned to look at her, shaking his head as he laughed. “Alright, alright, c’mere.”

The crew let go of her and she ran up to him immediately. Harry knelt down and opened his arms, pulling his baby girl into his chest before standing up and went back to the middle of the stage. “Y’just can’t wait can yeh?”

***

The Kitchen’s Closed

tags: dad!harry, husband!harry

A little Father’s Day special in which YN gives Harry a vasectomy appointment for his Father’s Day present.

***

“Do we really have to go?” Harry paced around your bedroom anxiously as he waited for you to get ready. The babysitters—yes you always hire two at the same—would arrive soon.

“Yes we do,” you tried to stifle your snigger. “It’s a really simple surgery, Harry, won’t take longer than 20 minutes.”

“Think m’balls know what’s going on and have gone into hiding,” Harry mumbled nervously. “They seem to have retracted into my body.”

“Your balls are fine, H. I’m sure they’re still there,” you snorted in laughter, shaking your head.

***

Baby Steps

tags: dad!harry, husband!harry

Harry and YN takes baby lad to the park to teach him to walk.

***

“Jeez, you’re such a mum.” He teased.

You rolled your eyes. “Well yeah you knocked me up.”

“Aye, that I did.” He cackled.

After you fed baby lad his snacks, Harry taught him to walk by holding his hands above his head, letting your baby set the pace and direction. The sight in front of you was really heartwarming.

“Where’s mummy? Should we walk to mummy?” He looked down to your baby and your baby flashed a grin, making the two bottom teeth and the newly popped two upper teeth that were responsible for your lack of sleep two weeks prior fully visible.

***

Mates*

tags: bestfriend!harry

Can Harry help his best friend to forget her ex?

***

“Morning mate,” greeted the man before he took a sip of his coffee.

Harry mumbled in response before it was cut with a yawn. “Mor- whoa,” he raised his palm to make a stop sign, and continued after he finished yawning. “You don’t live here.”

“Uh,” awkward silence filled the kitchen. “I don’t.”

“What are you doing here?” He knew it was a stupid question, but that somehow didn’t stop him from asking.

“Er, uh,” the guy looked down at his mug for a second before he answered. “Visiting.”

“Visiting what? My roommate’s uterus?”

Blurbs (or concepts or drabbles... you name it)

Instagram Prompts

Text From Last Night

[tsukihotaru]

ASL Modern AU Idea

This idea had been stuck in my damn head for at least a week. So I’m gonna share the idea with you all! (This ended up being a long ass post I’m so fuckin sorry lmao. Some stuff in this story I was given small ideas from other things I have read) Super sorry for the word dump!

I’m not saying this is an amazing idea, just something that I wanted to share.

Disclaimer: I know absolutely jack shit about child services and foster homes. So this will be purely like... my imagination. This story is very undeveloped in a lot of parts. And it also gets very heavy when we start talking about Luffy’s foster home life, (abuse and near death) so you’ve been warned.

Concept: The ASL trio were raised with Dadan, who was en ex-criminal. Garp left them with her because she was an old friend, and his job made him be away a lot. (tho he tried to be with them as much as he could when he got back) But when child services got wind of the three living with the ex-criminal, and how Garp was “neglecting” them, letting them run wild, they took the three away. (Luffy was 7, and Ace and Sabo were 10 at the time)

Child Services separated the brothers and put them into different foster homes.

Ace’s foster home was with the Whitebeard’s. He was obviously furious and tried multiple times to run away to find his brothers. Till Marco and Pop’s finally talked some sense into him.

Sabo’s foster home was with Iva and their foster daughter Koala. Though Sabo did try to run away a few times, it wasn’t as nearly as much as Ace, as Iva was able to talk some sense into Sabo rather quickly.

Luffy, however, ended up getting the short end of the stick. (I dont have an actual character to put him in a home with, so for now they’re just random oc’s) At first his home was alright, he cried a lot due to being separated from his brothers. After a while his foster father became abusive, but was able to hide it when Child services would check in once in a blue moon.

During the times of when Luffy is 7 to the age of 15, he would slowly meet his “crew”. Basically in order of how they joined the crew in general. I would say he meets brook (who i made much, much younger, but still the oldest, probably like 50 idk) by the time he was 14, Also meeting Law by then.

When Luffy is 15, he came home to his foster mother dead and his foster father trying to kill him. This is where he almost actually died and Law was able to save him. (He was still a beginner surgeon, but Luffy insisted Law was the one to work on him, having complete faith in Law’s ability) This would be how Luffy got his big ass scar (haven’t figured out HOW exactly he would get it, I’ve been going from boiling hot water to other random shit but i haven’t put to much thought into it.) and multiple other scars.

At this point Garp was able to track Luffy down when he was in the Hospital, taking him in for a few months to live with him. (taking a few months vacation to spend it with his recovering grandson) But after half a year or so Luffy moved out to live with his friends.

From there the story takes place 4 years later. During the span of one year, the ASL trio slowly find each other. (Ace finds Sabo at college, and the two find Luffy at his pirate restaurant he shared with his ‘crew’).

Yep. Thats about it. I’ll put other random notes under the cut if your more interested in my ideas lol. I just needed to get this out cuz I can’t finish a story for the fuckin life of me xD

If anyone actually wants to use this word dump idea knock your self out, just DM me in advance lol.

These are the ages I changed within the story. I have a large ass list of the strawhats of when ages of when they’re introduced (Like Introduced, middle of backstory(like when luffy 15 in the hospital), then present ages which are the canon ages), but all their ages are the same otherwise (besides Brook)

Luffy and his friends has a hideout they build in the forest close to the city. They named the hideout the “Going Merry” and used it for a few years till when Luffy was 13, it caught on fire.

In my original idea Luffy had the X scar, but also multiple scars from the years and bullet wound scars from the near death experience.

Franky (and Iceberg) build them a large house near the city (about a 10 minute drive). Making it big enough for them all to live in, decked out with with their own rooms, a mini library, a large kitchen and a large living room. Multiple other rooms that can be up to your imagination, and a large backyard.

When Luffy was 18 Franky (with the help of Iceberg again), built them their restaurant the “Thousand Sunny”. Which is a pirate themed restaurant, all of them having active rolls in it. (Franky and Robin are the ones who are technically the owners who pay the bills, but Luffy is still the captain)

Sanji and his siblings were raised by Zeff, before their mother passed away, she was able to get them taken away from Judge, and Zeff became their foster father. 

Just about everyone has other jobs besides working at the restaurant.

Sanji used to work at the Baratie with his brothers till he became the full-time chef at the Thousand Sunny.

Zoro is a sword seller and owns his own shop.

Nami is the best weather women

Usopp works full time at the Sunny

Chopper is in college to become a doctor, but works at the Sunny. 

Franky works with Iceberg at the Galley-La company (which is a construction company in this AU).

Robin worked at a College as a history teacher.

Brook is a street musician but spends most of his time at the Sunny

Luffy’s full-time job is the Sunny, but he doesn’t really do much other than cause chaos lol.

Jinbe doesn’t work at the sunny at all, but I also have no damn clue what his job even would be. BUT he does visit the Sunny a lot.

Ace is going to college because Pop’s made him go, but Ace is in charge of a part of Pop’s company like the other division commanders. All the commanders work for Pop’s company, each having their own floor to run on the large building they own. What the company is? I have no clue. Haven’t thought of it yet lmao.

Sabo is going to college for computer tech. Wanting to open his own tech shop but currently works for a random one.

Now, this CAN turn into a ship story if anyone wants it to. (Lawlu, MarcoAce, MAS, thats just the stuff I ship of the main characters of the story. I do have a side of UsoppKaya and FrankyRobin in the background of this idea though. But thats just me) But for now I am keeping it more platonic to focus on the brothers and their reunion.

Ok if I dont stop writing I’m gonna be here for days lmao, c’ya!

[starship-squidlet]

Albert and Race’s Haunted House Adventure

Prompt: Person A and Person B both claim to not believe in ghosts so their friends dare them to spend a night in a haunted house together. After only 2 hours, they both come running out of the house terrified. When their friends laugh at them, they both try to pull the whole “Oh I wasn’t scared, I only left because *the other person* was scared” excuse.

Fandom: Newsies

Characters: Jack, Race, Henry, Albert, Finch, Romeo

Warnings: None

Word Count: 1,641

Tags: @the-cowbi (feel better soon!!!)

.*.*.*.*.*.

“I am not scared.”

Jack Kelly shook his head and walked away from the discussion.

“You are scared!” Henry’s voice was incredulous. “Both of you are. I don’t believe it.”

“We are not,” Race said firmly, crossing his arms and glowering at Henry, Romeo, and Finch, who were staring him and Albert down. “It’s just a house.”

“Just a house,” Albert mimicked Race’s position, chin raised and arms crossed, his feet shoulder-width apart—the very image of defiance.

“Oh yeah?” Finch leaned forward, practically leering at them. “If it’s just a house, then you two won’t be afraid to go up and ring the doorbell.”

Jack rolled his eyes.

“Seriously? Ring the doorbell? What are we, seven?” Albert scoffed.

“It’s not like anyone will answer; the place has been abandoned for years,” Romeo leaned back against the wall, crossing his arms and ankles. “Well, no-one… alive anyways.”

Race shook his head. “That’s stupid. We’re not afraid to ring a dumb doorbell.”

“No?” Finch arched an eyebrow. “Then go do it.”

Race paused, glancing out the window. “Right now?”

“Sure,” Finch shrugged. “Why not?”

“Well… it’s almost dark,” Race said. “I wouldn’t want to…”

He trailed off as Finch, Romeo, and Henry dissolved into laughter. Even Jack, spectating from the other side of the room, chuckled.

“Hey, hey, hey,” Albert took a step forward, getting up into Finch’s face. “We’re not scared. And not like we need to prove it or anything, but if you really want us to, we will.”

“Yeah, we’ll go ring the stupid doorbell,” Race grumbled.

“Even in the dark?” Romeo teased.

“Even in the dark,” Race shot back.

“Too late,” Finch shook his head, grinning at Albert, who had yet to back down.

“Whaddaya mean?” Race asked warily.

“The dare isn’t just ringing the doorbell any more,” Finch turned to him, still grinning wickedly. “Now, the dare is to spend the entire night in the haunted house on the hill.”

.*.*.*.*.*.

An hour and a half later, Jack found himself at the foot of the hill upon which the highly debated “haunted” house was seated. “This is stupid,” he grumbled.

“Yes, and?” Romeo sighed.

“You’re surprised that we’re doing something stupid?” Henry laughed. “Have you met us?”

“You know, Finch, this really seems like a disproportionate escalation of the original dare,” Albert mumbled, staring at the iron gate spanning the winding drive that led up the hill to the house, barely visible for the trees surrounding it. It was a cloudy night, and near the new moon, so there was almost no natural light, and the streetlights had ended a few blocks back. A chill, fierce wind whipped through the trees, rustling leaves and making the branches creak. If there was any night suited for adventures in a haunted house, this was it.

Finch shrugged. “Hey, you didn’t take the easy road when it was offered. It’s not my problem if you don’t like the hard road.”

Albert faded into indecipherable mumbling, glaring at the heavy iron gate.

“Well…” Race sighed, “I guess we’d better get this over with.” He pulled—hard—on the gate, and it opened slowly with an ear-splitting screech, the rusted hinges protesting the movement. The bottom of the gate scraped across the asphalt of the driveway. The sounds set their teeth on edge, and shivers down their spines. Once the gate was open about two feet, Race slipped through. “Youse comin’?”

Albert slipped through the gate after Race, and both stopped to look back at the others.

“Hey, the dare isn’t for us,” Finch copied Albert’s position from earlier: arms crossed, feet spread, chin raised. “You’re the only ones who have to spend the night in the house. We’ll be waiting here for you in the morning.”

“Hey, that’s not fair!” Race protested.

“Yeah, what are ya, scared?” Albert’s voice was dripping with sarcasm.

“It’s not our dare,” Romeo laughed.

“Have fun,” Henry teased, giving them a little wave.

Jack rolled his eyes.

“Whatever,” Albert spat. He spun on his heel and started walking up towards the house; Race was a beat slower, and Albert grabbed him by the arm and hauled him along as he stalked up towards the first bend in the drive.

“Are we seriously going to wait here all night?” Jack groaned once the other two were out of sight.

“Theoretically,” Romeo yawned.

“And why exactly do I have to be here?” Jack asked.

“Neutral party,” Henry shrugged.

“You weren’t involved in the original dare, and you have no stake in this whole thing,” Finch explained. “That makes you a neutral party. Uh… a supervisor, if you will.”

“This is stupid,” Jack grumbled.

.*.*.*.*.*.

They had arrived at the bottom of the hill at 9:47 in the evening. Jack and the others at the bottom had gotten bored pretty quickly; they cycled through games of hacky sack, trying to climb the ten-foot stone wall around the bottom of the hill, and racing up and down the empty street. By 11 PM, they were bored out of their skulls.

When 11:30 rolled around, it found Jack, Romeo, and Henry sitting on the ground with their backs to the stone wall. Finch was the last one standing, bouncing the hacky sack on his own, from foot, to knee, to elbow, to shoulder, to head, and back down. It was actually fairly impressive. Jack yawned.

The closer it got to midnight, the quieter they all became. Bets had been made as to how long Albert and Race would last in the house. Romeo had already lost, having guessed that the two wouldn’t even make it up to the drive. Henry’s deadline of 10:30 had come and gone. Finch’s bet had given them until midnight. Jack—only participating in the pool for lack of anything better to do—was the only one who seemed to have any faith in Albert and Race making it in the house until morning. Admittedly, his idea of morning in this case was 3 AM, but it was generous, especially compared to the others’ bets.

Romeo checked his phone. “11:50. It’s getting close, Finch. Down to you and Jack… Who will be the winner?”

Jack shook his head. He drew his knees up to his chest, folded his arms over them, and laid his head down.

Finch got bored with the hacky sack and joined them on the ground. “I’m not actually sure who got the worse end of this deal—them for having to be in that creepy house all night, or us for having to spend it out here.”

Romeo shivered and pulled his hands into the sleeves of his hoodie. “You don’t actually think it’s haunted, do you?”

Finch scoffed. “Of course not. But it sure is sketchy. And on a night like tonight, things can seem… fuzzy. Especially if you believe in ghosts and stuff, like those two nerds.”

They heard Albert and Race before they saw them. In the stillness of the night—the wind having died down to a gentle breeze by 11—their voices carried through the trees.

“It’s not my fault,” said Albert, his voice bitter.

“Well, it’s not mine,” said Race.

“Then whose is it?”

Race’s reply was unintelligible. The four boys at the base of the hill traded knowing glances and grins, jumped to their feet, and hurried to the iron gate, still open from when Race and Albert had entered.

“Hey there!” Romeo called, still grinning wickedly, as Race and Albert rounded the nearest bend in the driveway.

Both boys froze, staring at them like a pair of deer in headlights.

“What, did it get too scary for you?” Henry leered.

“No!” Albert shot back. “I wasn’t scared. Race was starting to get freaked out, though, so we decided to come back!”

“I was scared?” Race’s voice shot up an octave. “I was fine. You were the one who screamed like a little girl when the wind blew the shutters against the wall!”

“Well, at least I didn’t jump out of my skin and grab your arm so hard that I nearly broke it when that bat flew down the stairs!”

“At least I didn’t think that the broken chair was an animal!”

“At least I didn’t think the bearskin rug was alive!”

Their back and forth continued the rest of the way down the hill. The other boys were laughing by the time Albert and Race joined them, both pale-faced and fuming.

Finch checked his phone. “Midnight exactly. Looks like I win. Pay up, boys.”

“You took bets?” Albert’s voice was low and hoarse.

“You bet on our fear?” Race scowled.

“Yep,” Finch laughed, accepting his winnings from Henry and Romeo. “Hey, be glad that I’m the one who won—Romeo didn’t even think you’d make it to the house. He doesn’t believe in you at all.”

“Jack’s the only one who did,” Romeo said with a shrug. “He thought you could make it until at least 3 AM.”

Albert and Race squeezed through the gate one at a time, then Race pulled it closed behind them. They all winced as the screeching and scraping sounded out again, even louder for the stillness of the night.

Once the gate was shut, they started walking home.

“Is there a reason we didn’t drive here?” Albert groaned.

“What, is it too spooky out here to walk back?” Romeo teased.

“Shut up,” Albert aimed a punch at Romeo’s arm, but the smaller boy dodged it deftly, jogging ahead of them. Albert followed, and the two danced down the street, trading mock blows as they slipped in and out of the beams of the streetlights.

Finch and Henry walked side by side on the sidewalk, Jack and Race trailing along behind them. “So, how was it?” Jack asked, nudging Race with his elbow.

“It really was pretty spooky,” Race said. “Also, apparently I’m afraid of bats…”

[captaindibbzy]

Summer of 2018. I've got a job for the first time that is paying me actual money. The work place is close by. I decide I want to get a bike.

Then, my dad decides he's going to get in to electric bikes. He buys 3 in the span of 2 months with various intentions of doing them up to find one he likes. The back yard is full of bikes that need keys to work, that are all too tall for me, and really heavy.

I don't get a bike because I don't want the argument about how I should just "use one of the ones we've got."

Winter arrives.

ಠ_ಠ

2019 rolls round. Dad has moved on from his electric bike hobby and gotten a motorbike instead. We are down to 1 electric bike which is too big and heavy for me. "Ah yes, when summer comes I will get the bike I wanted last year!"

I do my back in in February. By summer I can barely walk. Balancing on a bike is not an option. There bike shed work is supposed to get has some how turned in to "let's spend this money on a garage for the van instead even though it is literally a grant for a bike shed."

By September I am having surgery. By November work becomes unbearable anyway so I leave.

ಠ︵ಠ

2020 arrives.

"ah yes. This summer I will get that bike. I'll find a new job, and if it's local I can take the bike to work."

(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*.✧

2020 is having none of that.

Summer arrives. The government wants people to exercise. They are handing out bike vouches.

"maybe I could...?"

All the vouches, which are for £50 only, are handed out. They are "looking in" to getting more of them.

A suitable bike for my size, health, and needs will cost about £300 +extra for equipment (helmates start at £30, while lights and bells will invite a cost).

I budget and figure out a bike that I can get, pay off in monthly instalments. Maybe I will actually get a bike?

Sold out. Check back next month.

ಠ ೧ ಠ

I am never getting this Fucking Bike.

[writing-prompts-for-friends]

Notes from Robert McKee’s “Story” 09: Genre and Expectations

The majority of this section defines genres and sub-genres of story. I’ll provide a summary of them at the end of the post. I think that we all as writers know what genre our works tend to lean toward, so I instead want to focus on what McKee has to say about what is expected of writers as dictated by genre and by the audience. 

Mastery of Genre

As life-long consumers of media, we have ingrained expectations of a story once we hear the genre. A rom-com? Well then, we’re in for a light-hearted comedy with a happy ending for the love interests. High fantasy? There’s gonna be lore and magic and elves and dwarfs, and a massive conflict that will probably span multiple novels or films. 

“The genre sophistication of filmgoers presents the writer with this critical challenge: He must not only fulfill audience anticipations, or risk their confusion and disappointment, but he must lead their expectations to fresh, unexpected moments, or risk boring them. This two-handed trick is impossible without a knowledge of genre that surpasses the audience’s.”

As writers, it is our job to identify our genre and research it thoroughly. In the previous section about setting, McKee explains how the setting of the story gives the writer both limitations and inspiration. 

Genre is, in a certain way, the frame in which the setting and story sit. Depending on the genre, the frame can be pliable or it can be rather fixed. Here you need to study your own genre deeply to find out exactly how flexible it is. For example, the genre of “Comedy” is much more pliable than that of the “Crime” genre. There are sub-genres, of course. But under the vast umbrella of “Comedy” almost anything goes as long as we can get a laugh out of it. “Crime” on the other hand, generally involves a struggle between a criminal and a justice-seeker (with the justice-seeker most commonly being the protagonist) and culminates in one triumphing over the other. 

How to Master Your Genre

“Never assume that because you’ve seen films in your genre you know it. This is like assuming you could compose a symphony because you have heard all nine of Beethoven’s.”

McKee states that genre study is best done in the following way:

List all the works that feel similar to yours, both successes and failures. Studying works that are similar to yours but were failures can lead to great insights.

Study each of these works from page to page, breaking each one down into elements of setting, role, event, and value. 

Stack these analyses on top of each other and look down through them all and ask yourself, “What do the stories in my genre always do? What are its conventions of time, place, character, and action?

Until you find these answers, the audience will always be one step ahead of you. 

Personally, that sounds like a lot of work lol. But doing case studies like he describes would certainly help me to better understand my genre. Idk when I’ll have time for it, but...well. I’ll work on it. 

Creative Limitations

This section really echoes what McKee had to say about setting, in that both setting and genre create boundaries for you to work within, but having boundaries pushes you to be more creative. 

Until now, I’ve always started writing a story on a whim, based on a single scene in my head that grows into some 300 page monstrosity. I resisted plotting and just wrote what I wanted to write that day. I enjoyed the freedom that came with having no specific plans and not thinking much about my genre. 

However, McKee uses a brilliant example to illustrate the beneficial aspects of understanding and working within the bounds of your genre:

“Robert Frost said that writing free verse is like playing tennis with the net down, for it’s the self-imposed, indeed artificial demands of poetic conventions that stir the imagination. Let’s say a poet arbitrarily imposes this limit: He decides to write in six-line stanzas, rhyming every other line. After rhyming the fourth line with the second line he reaches the end of a stanza. Backed into this corner, his struggle to rhyme the sixth line with the fourth and second may inspire him to imagine a word that has no relationship to his poem whatsoever--it just happens to rhyme--but this random word then springs loose a phrase that in turn brings an imagine to mind, an image that in turn resonates back through the first five lines, triggering a whole new sense of feeling, twisting and driving the poem to a richer meaning and emotion.

Thanks to the poet’s Creative Limitation of this rhyme scheme, the poem achieves an intensity it would have lacked had the poet allowed himself the freedom to choose any word he wished.

The principle of Creative Limitation calls for freedom within a circle of obstacles. Talent is like a muscle: without something to push against, it atrophies.”

So one of our first steps as writers is to identify our genre or combination of genres, and then learn the genre conventions. 

Genre conventions are the expected aspects of a certain genre. In a “Boy Meets Girl” romance genre, an obvious convention is that a boy and a girl must meet. It isn’t a cliche--it’s a necessary part of the equation. These conventions force us to use our imagination to reinvent the paradigms our genres and audiences demand, and if we can do it right, we fulfill their expectations while giving them something they had never dreamed of before.

Mixing and Reinventing Genres

What better way to sum up this section than Run DMC’s “Walk This Way,” which was the first hip hop hybrid video every played in heavy rotation on MTV? 

Generally, a work tends to be a mix of two or more genres. For example, there is a Love Story subplot in just about EVERYTHING nowadays, for better or for worse. By mixing genres we as writers have a chance to give the world something that has never been seen before. 

Something that McKee stresses is that genres are not static. He says:

“Genres are simply windows on reality, various ways for the writer to look at life. When the reality outside the window undergoes change, the genres alter with it.”

Social attitudes change. This means that what may have been a compelling story 50 years ago may not be as compelling when looked at once again today. The example McKee uses is the 1950′s film FALLING IN LOVE, which was about a man and woman who fell in love with each other but were already married and in unhappy relationships. Nowadays, in mainstream America, divorce isn’t a big deal. If an audience in 2020 watched this film, they’d just say, “You’re married to people you hate--just get a divorce already!”

“The audience wants to know how it feels to be alive on the knife edge of the now. What does it mean to be a human being today?

Innovative writers are not only contemporary, they are visionary. They have their ear to the wall of history, and as things change, they can sense the way society is leaning toward the future. They then produce works that break convention and take the genres into the next generation.

The finest writers are not only visionary, they create classics.”

McKee’s List of Genres

McKee states that there are many different ways to break genres down, and his is neither the best nor the most complete. Also, keep in mind that this book is actually focused around storytelling through film, so the references he uses are not books, but films. 

LOVE STORY. It’s sub-genre, Buddy Salvation, substitutes friendship for romantic love. 

HORROR FILM. This genre devices into three sub-genres: the Uncanny, in which the source of horror is astounding but subject to “rational” explanation, such as beings from outer space, science-made monsters, or a maniac; the Supernatural, in which the source of horror is an “irrational” phenomenon from the spirit realm; and the Super-Uncanny, in which the audience is kept guessing between the other two possibilities. 

MODERN EPIC (the individual versus the state).

WESTERN. 

WAR GENRE. Although war is often the setting for another genre, such as the Love Story, the WAR GENRE is specifically about combat. Pro-war versus Antiwar are its primary sub-genres. 

MATURATION PLOT or the coming of age story

REDEMPTION PLOT. Here the film arcs on a moral change within the protagonist from bad to good. 

PUNITIVE PLOT. In these, the good guy turns bad and is punished. 

TESTING PLOT. Stories of willpower versus temptation to surrender.

EDUCATION PLOT. This genre arcs on a deep change within the protagonist’s view of life, people, or self from the negative (naive, distrustful, fatalistic, self-hating) to the positive (wise, trusting, optimistic, self-possessed)

DISILLUSIONMENT PLOT. A deep change of worldview from the positive to the negative.

COMEDY. Subgenres range from Parody to Satire to Sitcom to Romantic to Screwball to Farce to Black Comedy, all differing by the focus of comic attack (bureaucratic folly, upper-class manners, teenage courtship. etc.) and the degree of ridicule (casual, caustic, lethal).

CRIME. Subgenres vary chiefly by the answer to this question: From whose point of view do we regard the crime? Murder Mystery (master detective’s POV); Caper (master criminal’s POV), Detective (cop’s POV), Gangster (crook’s POV), Thriller or Revenge Tale (victim’s POV); Courtroom (lawyer’s POV); Newspaper (reporter’s POV); Espionage (spy’s POV), Prison Drama (inmate’s POV); Film Noir (POV of a protagnoist who may be part criminal, part detective, part victime of a femme fatale). 

SOCIAL DRAMA. This genre identifies problems in society--poverty, the education system, communicable diseases, the disadvantaged, antisocial rebellion, and the like--then constructs a story demonstrating a cure. It has a number of sharply focused sub-genres: Domestic Drama (problems within the family), the Women’s Film (dilemmas such as career versus family, lover versus children), Political Drama (corruption in politics), Eco-Drama (battles to save the environment), Medical Drama (struggles with physical illness), and Psycho-Drama (struggles with mental illness). 

ACTION/ADVENTURE. This often borrows aspects from other genres such as War or Political Drama to use as motivation for explosive action and derring-do. If ACTION/ADVENTURE incorporates ideas such as destiny, hubris, or the spirtual, it becomes the sub-genre High Adventure. If Mother Nature is the source of the antagonism, it’s a Disaster/Survival work.

HISTORICAL DRAMA. The treasure chest of history is sealed with this warning: What is past must be present. He must find an audience today. Therefore, the best use of history, and the only legitimate excuse to set a film in the past and thereby add untold millions to a budget, is anachronism--to use the past as a clear glass through which you show us the present. 

BIOGRAPHY. This cousin to Historical Drama focuses on a person rather than an era. BIOGRAPHY, however, must never become a simple chronicle. That someone lived, died, and did interesting things in between is of scholarly interest and no more. The biographer must interpret facts as if they were fiction, find the meaning of the subject’s life, and then cast him as the protagonist of his life’s genre. These caveats also apply to the sub-genre Autobiography.

DOCU-DRAMA. A second cousin to Historical Drama, DOCU-DRAMA centers on recent rather than past events. 

MOCKUMENTARY. This genre pretends to be rooted in actuality or memory, behaves like documentary or autobiography, but is utter fiction. It subverts fact-based filmmaking to satirize hypocritical institutions.

MUSICAL. I would love to see a musical novel lol.

SCIENCE FICTION. In hypothetical futures that are typically technological dystopias of tyranny and chaos, the SCIENCE FICTION writer often marries the man-against-state Modern Epic with Action/Adventure. But, like history, the future is a setting in which any genre may play. 

SPORTS GENRE. Sport is a crucible for character change. This genre is a natural home for the Maturation Plot, the Redemption Plot, the Education Plot, the Punitive Plot, the Testing Plot, the Disillusionment Plot, Buddy Salvation, and Social Drama.

FANTASY. Here the writer plays with time, space, and the physical, bending and mixing the laws of nature and the supernatural. The extra-realties of FANTASY attract the Action genres but also welcome others such as the Love Story, Political Drama/Allegory, Social Drama, and/or Maturation Plot.

ANIMATION. I guess you could equate this to graphic novels, comics, and manga. 

Source: McKee, Robert. Story: Substance, Structure, Style, and the Principles of Screenwriting. York: Methuen, 1998. Print

[vinylexams]

INTERVIEW with Brian Cook of SUMAC, Russian Circles, Botch, These Arms are Snakes, and Roy 

Brian Cook of the MANY gnarly bands listed above took time to answer a bunch of questions that had been burning a hole in my mind for years earlier today. Did you know that aside from playing bass in some of the heaviest bands currently in existence, Brian is also an avid record collector and he also runs a very similar page where he posts all of his records and writes up a bit of history and personal context with each one? A man after my own heart! I’ve dropped a link to his Tumblr below and you’d be a fool not to go check it out and follow his work there.

https://bubblesandgutz.tumblr.com⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

I really appreciated having a chance to talk to a very talented musician who also places a LOT of importance on physical medium and the recording process. All too often I get submissions from bands who either don’t know the in’s and out’s of the vinyl format or they took a lot of shortcuts and deprive their art a chance to really shine in the ways that vinyl allows. I picked Brian’s brain about his approach to creation of physical musical media as well as his history as a collector (and even tried to convince him to get These Arms are Snakes play my big gay wedding reception!). Thanks for taking the time to tell your story to us, Brian!

You've been a member of several incredible bands over the past few decades (Botch, Sumac, Russian Circles, These Arms Are Snakes), all of which have released pretty much everything they've recorded on vinyl. How important is the vinyl medium for you as a musician and creator?

Thanks for the kind words. It's really important to me for my music to have some sort of physical format. I realize that mode of thinking might seem sort of old school or outdated, but i've always been enamored by music as a kind of historical artifact. When I was younger, that meant it was important for me to have an actual Dead Kennedys cassette as opposed to a dubbed version from my friend. It was like the difference between owning a painting versus owning a xerox of a painting. When I became a musician, it was a sign of validation. By having a record with my name on it, I had created something that would potentially outlive me. And now in the digital age we've convinced ourselves that everything lives forever on the internet, but it's not true. Myspace just lost all their music. I've written for a lot of online music outlets that have closed shop or simply deleted old posts. Meanwhile, I have a trunk full of old zines that outlived the supposed permanence of blogs. So while the digital age is great for convenience and scope, creating a physical recording is really the more reliable way to make sure something exists for more than five to ten years, or however long it takes for the newest technological fad to become obsolete. Vinyl seems to be the longest lasting format, so it's my preferred medium. But if my music exists on tape or CD, that's fine too. 

Do you approach your recording and production processes with specific formats like vinyl in mind? If so, what do you do differently? Absolutely. The main concern is that we're dealing with the time constraints of vinyl. For bands like Russian Circles and SUMAC who have really long songs, it means we have to be careful how we sequence our records because we can easily exceed the 22-minutes-per-side rule. We've also been told by pressing plants that it's better to have long drones in the middle of an album side than at the beginning or end because there tends to be more surface noise at the beginning of a side and more warble at the end, and drones don't do much to mask these imperfections. But while one can complain about the limitations of vinyl, there are also issues with digital formats that can alter the way an album is put together. For example, the digital version of Empros has a longer drone at the end of "Batu" than the LP version, partially because of vinyl's limitations, but also because digital outlets like iTunes don't recognize records with long songs as full albums unless at least one track is longer than ten minutes. So we stretched it out on the digital version so that we'd be compensated appropriately for our work, but condensed it on vinyl so that we didn't compromise the sound quality.

Of all of the albums you've contributed to, which one stands out to you as the one you feel most connected to?

Probably Geneva by Russian Circles, if I had to pick one. We wrote that record over the span of several months at a house in rural Wisconsin. It was one of those ideal scenarios I'd always dreamed of---hunkering down in some isolated retreat and just immersing ourselves in the writing process. I've never walked away from an album feeling as accomplished as I did with that one. It just felt like we'd achieved something that had previously been out of my level of expertise. I think we've made better records since then, but I don't think I've ever felt as successful in making the sounds in my head translate to the recording. With regards to my other bands, I feel that way about Botch's We Are The Romans, These Arms Are Snakes' Easter, Roy's Killed John Train, and SUMAC's What One Becomes. But Geneva will always hold a special place.

How did you get into vinyl collecting and how does it play a part in your life?

I started buying vinyl around '92 because it was cheap. My first LP was Shadowy Men on a Shadowy Planet's Savvy Show Stoppers. I bought it for $2. Then I discovered 7"s, which was the dominant format for hardcore and punk bands at the time. Throughout high school, I mainly bought 7"s because i could buy 3 or 4 a week on my allowance. And let's be honest... most hardcore bands in the '90s had better 7"s than full albums. But vinyl was so dead at the time that you could also go to thrift stores and scoop up the entire Creedence Clearwater Revival discography for the cost of one CD. Even new vinyl was cheaper than their CD counterpart back then. So it's a bit of a drag now considering that vinyl is currently the most expensive format, but I still get a thrill from going to record stores, digging through crates, and coming home with a new LP. I can't say I buy that many 7"s anymore though.

What do you think about the relatively recent resurgence of large-scale vinyl production and collection?

It certainly has its advantages and disadvantages. I buy a lot of reissues just so I can have a clean, good-sounding copy, so I appreciate the resurgence in that regard. At the same time, the vinyl boom has made used record shopping a bit more of a drag. I don't know how many copies of Neil Young's Harvest I saw in used bins throughout the '90s and '00s, and then when I finally decided to buy a copy five years ago, it seemed like they'd all been snagged and the reissue was going for $50. When the Zeppelin discography got reissued a few years back, I mentioned wanting a new copy of Physical Graffiti to my husband. He went to our local indie record store in Brooklyn and asked the owner if they carried it and he totally balked at the question. "Why would we carry a reissue when you can buy a used copy of that in any record store for $5?" he said. My husband was like "every used Zeppelin record you carry is beat to shit and goes for at least $20... what the fuck are you even talking about?"

If you had to pare down your entire collection to no more than three albums, which would you keep?

What's the broader context? Like, are those the only three records I can listen to for the rest of my life? Or is it just a matter of only being allowed to own three records? If it's the former, I'd probably choose Bob Dylan's Blood on the Tracks, Miles Davis' In a Silent Way, and a Can album... either Ege Bamyasi or Soon Over Babaluma. Ask me tomorrow and I'd probably list off a different three. If it's the latter... like, if i'm merely holding onto records because the actual artifact means a lot to me but I can still listen to music in some other capacity, then I'd probably go with the His Hero Is Gone / Union of Uranus split LP, Undertow's At Both Ends, and Sticks & Stones Theme Songs For Nothing, just because those seem like a pain in the ass to replace and they're important records to me. I have records that are worth way more money, but I'm not someone who buys records because they're valuable. 

Do you have a "white whale" record you still haven't found?

Not really. For ages I resisted the urge to buy used records online, but I've since relented. The record that finally broke my ordering embargo was Hack's The Rotten World Around Us. They were a band from Adelaide, South Australia in the late '80/ early '90s who sounded like a grungier version of the first couple Swans records. Super heavy and scary. I got turned onto them through a 7" on Alternative Tentacles, but the LP was never available stateside. The first few times I toured Australia i went to every record store I could find in hopes of finding a copy. No one had ever heard of Hack. The singer was in another band called Grong Grong, and members of that band had gone on to be in King Snake Roost, Lubricated Goat, and Tumor Circus (with Jello Biafra on vocals), but no one had heard of them either. In my mind there was this rich underground of Australian noise rock from that time period that was still vital and valid, but the reality is that it was largely ignored and forgotten. I eventually found a copy online and bought it for $20. A year later i found a used copy in Boise. Oh well. I'd love to find Acme's To Reduce The Choir..., or an original copy of Popol Vuh's second album, or the Neu! 7", or the Greenlandic prog band Sume's Sumut album.

Hypothetically how much money would I need to raise to get These Arms Are Snakes to reunite to play my wedding reception? My family will hate it but my partner and I will be very happy, etc.

We still talk about doing some proper "farewell shows" since we bailed on doing them back in 2009/2010. Granted, now they'd be reunion shows, but in our hearts they'd be our proper goodbye. We're putting together a vinyl release of various odds and ends for next year, so maybe that'll give us an excuse to finally book something.

[pixelgrotto]

A look at D&D’s Curse of Strahd

From about October 2018 to August 2019, I led a group of four friends through Curse of Strahd, the latest campaign book featuring a dive into the realm of Dungeon & Dragon’s most famous vampire, Strahd von Zarovich. It went well, and it was an interesting experience for me as a Dungeon Master, since this was my first time using one of Wizards of the Coast’s official modules. In the past I’ve always come up with my own homebrew adventures, and I still homebrewed a good chunk of Curse of Strahd, remixing characters and formulating story twists on the fly once I learned the ebb and flow of my group.

One of the things I love most about D&D, however, is that such behavior is encouraged, and pretty much all of the major 5th Edition releases outright tell DMs that they shouldn’t hesitate to make a campaign “their own” by only following the book when necessary. Thus, the version of Curse of Strahd that my players ran through was an experience specifically tailored to them - one where a motley crew known as the “Well-Doners” (like a well done steak...or a stake to the heart of a vampire!) were sucked into Strahd’s strange valley of Barovia and forced to ally together for the sake of survival...aided by a few key comrades, including a funny gnome mage who’d lost his magical mojo, the reincarnation of Strahd’s lost love, a grumpy monster hunter and a massive ranger and his dwarf wife. If I ever run Curse of Strahd again for another group, it’s very likely that many of these key comrades - as well as the general crux of the adventure - will turn out completely different.

To all enterprising DMs who might wish to run Curse of Strahd for their own groups, it’s worth first noting that this is very much a Ravenloft campaign. Ravenloft is the setting that sprouted from the 1983 module of the same name, originally devised by Tracy and Laura Hickman and then expanded upon during the heyday of D&D 2nd Edition. In a nutshell, it’s D&D’s horror setting, and the horror is very much steeped in the gothic tradition, with a heavy dollop of foes inspired by the Universal Monster Movies of the 1920s to 50s, sprinkles of Eastern European creepiness and a dash or two of dark romance to complete the mix. I quite like this combination because it reminds me of the melancholy yet deeply beautiful world of Mordavia in Quest for Glory IV: Shadows of Darkness, one of the formative experiences of my youth and a game that has a great soundtrack for the backdrop of any Ravenloft campaign. (Interestingly, Quest for Glory creators Lori and Corey Cole were D&D players before they went on to design computer games, which means that the gothic realm of Mordavia surely is a clear descendant of Ravenloft.)

But horror of any variety isn’t necessarily everyone’s cup of tea, and certain parts of Curse of Strahd - if run straight from the book - can veer quite sinister, because Barovia is ultimately a crappy place presided over by a crappy undead warlord. The introductory adventure of the module, dubbed “Death House,” actually deals with ghostly children who’ve died of starvation in a haunted manor due to the cultist ways of their mad parents. It’s entirely possible to make these kids untrustworthy antagonists in order to emphasize that the Ravenloft setting simply does not mess around, but since I was running this campaign for a group of four new players whose prior experience with D&D ran the gamut from limited to absolutely zero, I decided to make them into a spooky but still likable duo who could “possess” the players’ characters and offer sassy running commentary on the monsters infiltrating the manor. Like Casper but with a tad more snark, in other words - and the endearing nature of the children made the moment where my players had to lay their corpses to rest and confront their sad origins all the more compelling.

This act of balance - between ensuring that players recognize this as a dark adventure but also making sure that just enough light and humor alleviates the depression - is one that I tried to perform during every session of our game, and I’d encourage future Curse of Strahd DMs to do the same. I’d also encourage enterprising Dungeon Masters to perform a similar balancing act on the monsters and scenarios that permeate the adventure - specifically on the ones in the Death House opener as well as Strahd himself.

Death House, more specifically, is described in the book as a means to help the party quickly progress from levels 1 to 3, but played as is, it’s quite possible for players to get absolutely curb-stomped by everything within the manor - particularly a “final boss” that they’re technically not supposed to engage with, at least in a fair manner. Veteran RPG fans might relish the challenge, which is more reminiscent of Call of Cthulhu than D&D, but newbies might not like having to re-roll a character because their first one got wrecked by a Shambling Mound after only a few hours of play. So, retool Death House to suit the needs of your party - in my case, I limited the encounters somewhat to prevent a steady drip of HP and also gave my players a few tips on how to beat tricky baddies via those aforementioned ghost kids.

The opposite strategy goes for Strahd von Zarovich himself, who might be the big bad of Barovia but is surprisingly squishy when confronted by a hardy group of level 8 or 9 players, especially if they’ve found all the fancy sunlight-shooting artifacts of the adventure that can limit his powers. I can’t count the number of posts I’ve seen on the D&D Reddit or a Curse of Strahd Facebook group I’m in where frustrated DMs have written something like “Strahd was killed by my players within two rounds, where did I go wrong” - and in order to circumvent this from happening in the last session of a shared storytelling experience that had nearly spanned a year, I took a heavy pair of tweezers to Strahd’s stats and gave him three forms, each with their own HP. The first was his regular vampiric self, the second was him riding on his Misty Steed-summoned horse Bucephalus, and the third was basically Strahd going into berserker mode with black angel wings bursting from his back. (I stole the concept art of Satan from Castlevania: Lords of Shadow 2 for that. Worked perfectly!)

Speaking of Castlevania, I drew inspiration from the recent Netflix series - which I’ve written about here and here - when it came to developing Strahd’s actual personality, because even though the book updated his original Bela Lugosi-esque appearance into something more regal and fantasy-inspired, his essence is still something of a two dimensional bad guy, and the fact that one of his eternal missions in undeath is to make the reincarnation of his original lover fall for him is a problematic pill to swallow in 2019, even if it is meant as an ode to Dracula’s obsession with Mina Harker in Bram Stoker’s original novel. And so I decided to make my version of Strahd similar to the depressed, weary-of-life Dracula in Netflix Castlevania, turning him into a vampire of complexities - a guy who’s been immortal for so long that he almost wants the players to kill him, a man who believes he’s entitled to the love of a woman yet somewhere deep down realizes the inherent selfishness of that belief, and a lord who’s grown bored with his kingdom yet can’t quite relinquish the power he’s held over it for centuries. My Strahd, in other words, was still a bad dude, but at least a somewhat deeper bad dude that the cardboard cutout as presented in the book, and one of my players even described him as “a little like Kylo Ren,” which I took as a compliment.

Before I wrap this up, I’d like to return to the concept of the balancing act with regards to the structure and scope of Curse of Strahd, which is a true sandbox adventure. Players are not required to visit half of the locations outlined in the book, and the replayability factor is high, because the various artifacts that you need to defeat Strahd, as well as the specific non-player characters likely to assist you along the way, are dependent on a tarot card reading that occurs near the start of the adventure. The locations that I found the most important for my players were the towns of Barovia and Vallaki, the Wizard of Wines Winery, Yester Hill, Van Richten’s Tower, the Ruins of Berez, and Castle Ravenloft itself. Other groups online swear by Krezk, a third town that my players never bothered to visit (though I would have urged them to go there if we’d had any clerics or paladins in the party, since Krezk is a town with a giant church), and the Amber Temple, the lair where Strahd obtained his undead powers (a place I feel is best suited for players of neutral or evil-leaning alignments). Your mileage may vary, but if you’re going to DM this module, one of the best bits of advice I can give would be to see which locations your players are naturally inquisitive about, and then focus on those. Exploring every nook and cranny of Barovia can quickly turn into a slog otherwise.

With all this in mind, I think it’s time for the so-called “Well-Doners” to leave the world of gothic horror behind for a bit. They’ve somehow managed to find their way back to their home plane and the city of Waterdeep, and only one of the party was infected with a seemingly fatal curse after their stay in Ravenloft. What further quests await, I wonder, and what new campaign book will I hack apart to suit my players’ tastes? That’s for me to know, for them to find out, and for another long blog post examination...sometime in 2020, hopefully!

All photographs taken by me.

[calleo-bricriu]

Haven’t done one of these in awhile so...

full name:  Calleo Bricriu. @braxfordthebeater​ knows his middle name and their agreement is that Calleo will never use Braxford's first name and Braxford will never use Calleo's middle name.

pronunciation:  There are technically around three correct ways to pronounce it, so he's not exactly picky. That’s not even a joke, there are several ways to say it.

nicknames:   @kerrotko​ 's Severus is allowed to call him Leo.  @absintheabsence​  has probably 15 or so various pet names for him.  @pocketsfullofspiders​  often just calls him babe.  Goblins are contractually allowed to call him Hunðeow, which means lapdog.

height.   5'8"

age.   Verse dependent, but most often in his 30s (Golden Trio era) or mid to late 40s (Fantastic Beasts verse).

zodiac.   Leo. If you want his full birth chart, my dumb ass put that together and it's here.

languages.  Fluently spoken: English Spoken well enough that he could probably get by without completely embarrassing himself, though it'd still be obvious it's on shaky ground: German & Danish. Written/Reading: Latin, Middle English, Old English, German, as those are most commonly what he sees at work.

PHYSICAL CHARACTERISTICS.

hair colour.   Kinda orange. If you wanted to be nice, red. If you wanted to be annoying, ginger.

eye colour.   Brown. Depending on the colour and amount of eye makeup worn that can appear anything from almost yellow to black but, on their own, without heavy makeup, they're a pretty run of the mill brown.

skin tone.     Pretty pale in that way gingers tend to be. It doesn't help that he works in a department below ground with no windows, it's often dark when he gets in and dark when he leaves. He doesn't avoid daylight on purpose, it just works out that way.

body type.    If you asked him, he could stand to drop a few pounds. Nobody with eyes would use words like 'lithe' or 'slim' to describe him. He just looks kind of soft.

accent.     Two options:

Option 1: At work and/or if he wants to make sure you can understand what he's saying, he puts on a WWN broadcaster accent. So, the sort of generic accent people not in the UK think of when they think of a "British accent".  Kinda boring.

Option 2: A hellscape that mixes the accent from the area he grew up in, which is far Northern, rural Scotland and a mix of vowels sounding a bit off as his mother is from Northern Denmark and has a fairly thick accent with a tiny sprinkling of Northern Scottish.

To start.

Once he moved closer to London, more bits and pieces of surrounding (and varied) accents started creeping in, and when he moved back to a rural Scottish town again (though this time, near the English border and about 30 minutes West of Newcastle) it got muddled even further.

At this point, if he speaks at his normal speed and you haven't know him for years, it probably sounds like he's either not speaking English or is just babbling nonsense. If he speeds it up and mumbles, good fucking luck figuring out what he’s saying. While that occasionally happens if he's excited about something, he most often drops the "broadcaster" accent and speech patterns for it if he wants someone to go away and stop talking to him.

He thinks in that accent as well as he found it to be a reasonably decent built in Occlumancy defence.

dominant hand.     Either or for most things, with a slight preference given to the right.

posture.     He either looks intensely interested in/friendly toward something he's interested in with posture and body language that conveys that very clearly or completely detached to the point that others sometimes wonder if he's listening at all for day to day work interactions.

The feigned disinterest is often used in business transactions with certain types of people who are likely to get offended and try even harder to get his attention because how dare someone not be interested in their magnificence?

He does tend to slouch or sit however he finds most comfortable, which may or may not be correctly or on a piece of furniture designed for sitting.

scars.    He's got a good collection, usually from experimental magic backfiring, sometimes from duels, occasionally from fights. A few are intentional and inflicted by other people.

tattoos.     Nope.

most noticeable features.   He thinks it's his mess of hair. Other people tend to say it's more the bright clothing.

CHILDHOOD.

place of birth.  Braemar, Scotland.

hometown.  Also Braemar.

birth weight / height. He's never thought to ask but assumes it was within normal ranges.

manner of birth.    Oh, you know, the usual way.

first words.  "What's that?" mashed into one word.

siblings.    Exactly zero.

parents.    Thrasius & Beathas (Kjeldgaard) Bricriu

parental involvement.  He was and still is very close to both of his parents and they are involved in his adult life as well. They both work at the Ministry and have a tendency to visit him at least once per day if he’s there.

ADULT LIFE

occupation.    Senior Archivist in the Department of Mysteries’ Research Wing.

close friends.    Verse/RP dependent for canon characters. In my main verse, in the canon basket of close friends there’s: @absintheabsence​ @aconxtum​ @kerrotko​ ‘s Severus, @severus-snape-of-spinners-end​, @theotherdumbledore​ (when they’re around!), @ambiidexter​ (Sorry Remus :) ).

In terms of canon characters he’s on friendly (or at least not hostile) terms with, in my main verse: @lamentedhope​ , @thegreatestminister​ , @slytherin-bled​ (Bellatrix), @tmvoldemort​ , @0lliivanders​, @leeriverofwordsjordan​

For OC characters he’s on friendly terms with: @lyraxlestrange​

For friends' OCs, those close friends span any verse, so @misfit-herbologist​ @pracownik-ministerstwa​ @braxfordthebeater​ @pocketsfullofspiders​ @legilimens-corvus-frugilegus​ (who also plays Gan) and @directoryandle​ are always around in some form or another.

relationship status.   In several open relationships at any given time. In most, the only overlapping feature is Calleo, all of his partners are aware of the others and have no issues with it because good communication and established rules about how everything works is a thing, and a thing that everyone is willing to abide by.

financial status.     His public finances show him pretty standard middle class.

driver’s license.     Nope.

criminal record.     Roughly 9 alleged Statute of Secrecy violations (all dismissed), one Excessive Use of Force (also dismissed, it's difficult to charges to stick to someone who works in the Department of Mysteries),  and one assault and battery of law enforcement during the First War that was ruled self defence.

SEX & ROMANCE.

sexual orientation.     Whatever, as long as you're at least 50% human and look generally human. romantic orientation.     Also whatever.

preferred emotional role.  submissive  |  dominant | switch  |  Depends on the partner and what the general mood is each particular time. There are definitely more than three options here.

preferred sexual role.  submissive |  dominant  |  switch  |   Depends on the partner and what the general mood is each particular time. There are definitely more than three options here.

turn ons.     Treating him as an equal and educated member of his professional field (as opposed to some kid playing with dangerous magic), generally not being a complete arse, focusing more on his intellectual and magical strengths and accomplishments over, "You're pretty". Being interested in the type of work he does.

turn offs.    Treating him like a child, like he's beneath you, arrogance that can't be backed up with skill, explaining to him why you think his occupation and hobbies are "immoral", reading his own research back to him and doing it in a way that shows you didn't actually understand what you wrote, giving him orders of any sort if that wasn't an agreed upon game, being casually horrible about things like, "Aurors keep society safe", "Anyone using the Dark Arts belongs in Azkaban," "Werewolves aren't people," things of that nature. Telling him he "could do better" after meeting one or more of his long term partners.

love language.     Talking to you without being under work orders to talk to you, letters at all hours of the night for no reason other than to say something that happened to pop into his head, gifts that cannot be mistaken for anything other it meaning he knows you very, very well, physical touch (platonic or otherwise), voluntarily spending time with you without having to schedule it. In general, if he's voluntarily giving you his time, you matter to him on some level.

relationship tendencies.    Pretty things that will indulge his habits and research projects. The bonus here is that if you're willing to and skilled enough to do the latter, he's going to find you very pretty indeed. Ugly is more a state of mind anyway.

MISCELLANEOUS.

character’s theme song.    Doom or Destiny - Blondie & Joan Jett

hobbies to pass the time.    Work, only he calls it a hobby at that point. Spell modification/creation, discussing magical theory, laying around while doing those first three things, watching other people work if what they're doing requires fine manual dexterity, playing bait in traps he works with   to set up, needling various departments at the Ministry about how they're doing their jobs poorly, performing 'magic tricks' (card tricks with  marked decks, distraction based illusions, sleight of hand, etc...) around Muggles just to see if the Department of Magical Law Enforcement will get their hackles raised and try to arrest him again, a lot of completely unmentionable things because it's not Sunday.

left or right brained.     The type of work he's involved in relies on fairly even communication between the two.

fears.   Slipping and losing himself to addiction again. In that vein, losing the ability to keep a stranglelhold on that addiction and turning into something--unstable and violent.

self confidence level.     He keeps it in line with his abilities and is exceptionally careful not to let his reach exceed his grasp; when it comes to working with the Dark Arts and the other sorts of people who also work with the Dark Arts, letting your ego get the better of you is often a very good way to end up dead.

It’s not arrogance if you can back it up, after all.

vulnerabilities.   Those are on a need to know basis; those who need to know already do.  The most obvious one anyone else would see comes out when he talks about addiction as it's clear, either by how specific it is, or because he verbatim says so, that he's primarily talking about his experience with it.

tagged by: stolen from @mia-castellan  because I haven't done one of these in awhile. tagging: whoever wants to. I bunch of you all got tagged further up so that also works.

[klaineccfanficlibrary]

I’m looking for some lengthy fics to read. I’m going to be traveling. I’m honestly not to picky, I love pretty much all Kurt and blaines, I just love a good long one I can get lost in for a while. If you get a chance I’d love to see if you have anything for me! PS. You are amazing for keeping this alive and running for everyone, I want to sent you cookies❤️

Here you go, Nonnie! These are the longest Klaine stories I’ve been able to find. I wish you safe travels and happy reading :-) Hugs, Marjan

Keep my heart captive, set me free by @keepmyheartcaptive​

Rating: Mature

Word Count: 479,467

D/s AU - Kurt Hummel had always dreamed of a fairy-tale bond, a perfect, kind and caring Dom. Blaine Anderson had always dreamed of someone who stands out from the boring crowd, someone real, and pure. When their worlds collide, will either of them get what they had dreamed of?

Dalton by @cpcoulter-com​ (WIP but already several books’ worth of reading material)

Rating: Teen and Up

Word Count: 442,058

Summary: Post-Furt: Spinning off from Glee, Kurt begins an entirely new chapter in his life at Dalton Academy for Boys. Blaine, Wes, David and the boys of Windsor House make his life, for better or worse, far more eventful than he imagined.

Another Time, Another Place by @klaineitupanotch

​Rating: Mature

Word Count: 418,542 

Summary: What if Kurt had met Blaine a year earlier? How would his life have changed? In his sophomore year, during the spring, Kurt Hummel ends up by chance meeting a charming young man named Blaine Anderson, who turns out to be in his own Glee club. The two begin down the road of becoming friends and then the journey that their relationship takes them. Will they be able to face any problems ahead? No matter what they may be?

What Brings Us Closer Together by @CrazedLunatic

Trigger Warning: mention of suspected rape

Rating: Teen and Up

Word Count: 411,177

Summary: When Kurt is attacked, Blaine instantly leaves college to take care of him. With one decision, their entire relationship is changed and their futures reshaped. It also makes everyone around them realize just how close they really are. AU. 

In Want of Magic by @trufflemores

Rating: Teen and Up

Word Count: 353,426

Summary: 3.01-4.01. “I just want my senior year to be magic.”

It’s Not Just a Stomach Ache by DreamingisBelieving

Rating: Teen and Up

Word Count: 333,895

Summary: No, Blaine didn’t have cancer. This stuff doesn’t happen to seventeen year old boys and definitely not Kurt Hummel’s boyfriend, who was full of life and joy and would go out of his way to do anything for anybody, whether that be an old lady crossing the street or a misguided teen like himself. Cancer was suppose to be reserved for old men and women who were going to develop health problems anyway, not Blaine Anderson, someone who wasn’t even legally an adult yet.

Beautiful Mess by WildHurricane

Rating: Explicit

Word Count: 290,793

Summary: What do you say when your very straight friend tells you he wants to know what it’s like to kiss a guy and all you want to say is “kiss me”.Kurt is secretly in love with his best friend Blaine. He’s recently figured out he’s gay, but hasn’t told anyone. Especially not Blaine. Or his girlfriend.Blaine is confused and in denial about why he wants to kiss Kurt. He’s not gay. He has a long line of girlfriends to prove that.Both are scared what it will do to their friendship if the other finds out.

A Mafia Romance by YaDiva (WIP)

Trigger Warning: violence, drug use, heavy BDSM. Heed the warnings.

Rating: Explicit

Word Count: 287,179

Summary: Blaine is the son of a powerful crime boss. He has no intentions of joining the family business, especially since he finally has a gorgeous boyfriend named Kurt, but everyone else has other ideas. When Kurt gets caught in the middle, Blaine’s true nature is unleashed. Like father, like son. Dark!Blaine. Features sex, violence, drug references, and heavy BDSM themes.

Weave Your Magic by @lilyvandersteen​ (WIP)

Rating: Mature

Word Count: 277,377

Summary: This is an AU in which Blaine and Kurt never met in high school. Blaine is an elementary school teacher and the author of several picture books. Kurt is a former child actor and now a men’s wear designer, who writes thrillers under a pseudonym. They meet at a book fair. 

Bound for Glory by CleverBoots (Amberlovesocean) (sequel: Days of Glory)

Rating: Mature

Word Count: 265599

Summary: Kurt is assaulted after singing at a school dance and is left for dead, thrown aboard an empty train car at the railroad freight yard to hide the crime.He wakes up to find he’s been tossed off the car somewhere in an Oregon logging camp, 2500 miles from home. A curly-haired kid named Blaine finds Kurt and protects him by hiding him in his cabin and teaching him how to survive. 

Hell & High Water by mmerainbows

Rating: Explicit

Word Count: 243,826

Summary: Kurt counted the days even though no one else did anymore, and for what, he didn’t know.  His dad died eight years ago, and he had no other family to speak of.  His days were monotonous and thankless as he hunted for the community he lived in.  Long gone were the days when he could dabble in music and fashion because that world no longer existed, and without those things - who was Kurt Hummel really?  Until the day an emergency transmission is received and what Kurt is forced to reconsider what is existing and what is truly living. 

Pavarotti’s Legacy by misskaterinab

Rating: Explicit

Word Count: 241,699

Summary: This is a journey through Kurt and Blaine’s relationship, through MY eyes, from approximately season 2, episode 20, through the future. There’s a lot of canon and a lot of not - things I felt should happen, things I thought shouldn’t’ve happened that I wanted to fix, and just stuff I made up that sounded good to me :) Enjoy the fluff and Klainebows I will present to you.

Immutability and Other Sins by @fabfemmeboy​ (Series)

Rating: Mature

Word Count: 673,851for the entire series

Summary: This is an AU that spans from the late 1950s to just shy of modern-day. With the exception of the prologue, it goes in order. It begins in the fall of 1959 at Dalton Academy and follows the trajectory of the American gay experience through our not-always-so-happy couple. While the central story series is Klaine, there are some genfic stories on the side, set in the same universe and timeframe. Mostly because, as I planned out the main story, I kept coming back to all the ways in which the members of New Directions would be different 50 years ago, how many ways their worlds would be unfamiliar or more limited than we think of today. For all politicians seem to talk about what a great time the 1950s were, they weren’t for a lot of people.

Wake Me Up Inside Trilogy by @mrscriss2012​ (Series)

Rating: Mature

Word Count: 581,997for the entire series

Summary: Kurt Hummel is a shy, insecure fifteen year old. Blaine Anderson is a thirty one year old musician. When their worlds collide, Blaine discovers he’s powerless to resist the lure of Kurt’s eyes and his exquisite voice, and Kurt begins a journey of awakening. *There is a large passage of time in this story meaning no illegal happenings!*

Westerville Abbey by @hkvoyage (WIP, but fully written and updated twice a week)

Rating: Mature

Word Count: 223,725

Summary: Blaine is the second son of the earl of Westerville, and is considered the spare heir. After his 18th birthday, he attends the London Season to fulfill his duty of finding a wife. He soon realizes he is more attracted to the new footman. Kurt, who has just arrived at Westerville Abbey to work alongside his father, becomes equally as smitten with the earl’s youngest son. Will Blaine and Kurt be able to overcome their class differences in 1910s England? Will their forbidden love survive WW1? A Downton Abbey inspired historical Klaine AU.

Take Me Over by @lady-divine-writes (WIP)

Rating: Explicit

Word Count: 221,841

Summary: Kurt’s life isn’t at all what he wanted. He is stuck in an unexpected relationship with his dreams almost permanently on hold and a job he took mostly out of desperation. But a trip to L.A. to get the autograph of his favorite television star might just change his entire life - but will it change for the better? 

Butterfly Wings by @hkvoyage

Rating: Mature

Word Count: 212,446

Summary: A fashion blog started at University launched Blaine Anderson’s fortune and fame. As Vogue’s new editor-in-chief, he is struggling to find an original angle for an upcoming issue. Kurt Hummel has recently arrived in New York City after finishing high school, and is having no luck building a musical theater career, so he decides to explore another passion of his: fashion. He applies for an internship at Vogue, and Isabelle sees in him the perfect fresh face to liven up the magazine, and convinces him to try out as a model. Kurt meets Blaine, and in spite of their 10-year age difference, sparks fly. Can they overcome misunderstandings and sabotage to find their happily-ever-after? Klaine model AU.

New To McKinley by Gingerkid2010

Rating: Explicit

Word Count: 209,417

Summary: Blaine is new to McKinley. He meets Brittany and they quickly become best friends. She convinces him to join glee club, where he meets Kurt…

Three Words/To Build a Home by Balletismyobsession

Warning: Major Character Death

Rating: Mature

Word Count: 207,758

Summary: When a simple illness becomes more than either of them could have ever imagined, Kurt and Blaine learn what it means to be strong. With three words, everything changes.

Near Misses by flaming_muse

Rating: Explicit

Word Count: 205,536

Summary: Kurt and Blaine could easily not have met on a staircase in high school.  They could have met a few years later in college instead.

[nalyra-dreaming]

Book: A blackish red hue

I am offering a printed book version of my story “A blackish red hue“, rewritten and corrected, illustrated and properly set. I did this mostly for myself but some have said they wanted a copy so … 

>>> GET YOUR COPY OVER ON ETSY! 😊

340 pages of Hannigram fanfiction, the Murder Husbands on the run, depicting their lives together after the fall.

An A4, hardcover book with 135 g paper, 47 illustrations and a foreword by my “partner in crime“ (over at @lovecrimebooks) Romina Nikolić.

This book has been made to match RADIANCE and, in extension, the upcoming RAVAGE. Yep, with COLOR CUT*. In blackish red.

Weighing: ~1,6kg

> Which means we are just below the threshold of the so called “book shipping“ weight (with packaging), making international shipping much cheaper. >> 17€, priority handling and tracked in most countries.

All tracked countries here: deutschepost.de/brief-international/land-fuer-land

>> Germany: 5€, internationally 17€ + (priority-which is with) tracking ~ 20€

*****

Content:

A Murder Husbands story, heavy on character development and (hopefully) story, spiced with sex (see rating below).

Not overly fluffy but with a happy ending. (Yep, despite what you might think in between.)

Murder Husbands as in Murder Husbands. With Murder Tableaus. And family. Murder Wives :)

This starts at the motel in TwotL, so there is original dialogue here, reinterpreting the scenes we were given. The story segues into pure fiction after the fall.

>> This story spans several years - it follows Will Graham and Hannibal Lecter after „The Fall“, the ups and downs of this obsessive and difficult relationship, trying to fit the monsters on their backs together. As well as their habits and appetites.

There are lots of turns and not everything is as it may seem at first.

This is my Season 4.

And 5 through 8.

Approximately. :)

This story has been posted and is available on Ao3. It has been, as mentioned before, corrected, some parts rewritten, polished up and properly set, enhanced and improved for this book :)

There are almost 50 artworks in it. Some were gifted to me, some I commissioned and some I created.

Illustrations in it by:

@JustCallMeLuci | Sara Larner saralarner.com | @dark-will-graham​ | @tindu​ | @amngell​ | @transylvanianshipper​ | @noaryr​ | @arkarti​ | @theseavoices​ | @Hachiseiko | @felidaefatigue​ | @hanniwill​ / / Rola | @basementarts​ | @Rocio_ruiz_art | @the-walking-fannibal​ | @bayobayo​ | @thenecronon​ | @wisesnail​ | @vibiana​ | @Moishpain / @sheep-in-clouds​ | @stravvbunnies | @miasmatik​ | @maddsaa | @toni-of-the-trees​ | @le-wendigogo​ | @Skeletology | @shoegazerx​ | @Aerinnnn | @ivyart​ | @mumbrielle​ | @granpappy-winchester​ | @caniday​

(and some by me)

The beautiful cover was created by @granpappy-winchester (original post here!) and @basementarts. 

>> Commission @Granpappy-Winchester here!!

>> Commission @basementarts​ here!!

Btw: I can only recommend commissioning them or any of the other artists! 

Also: Basementarts is offering a discount right now so check them out!

*****

What some critics… erm commenters said:

On Baptism: „OH GOD!

i was just scowling tru Will Graham/Hannibal Lecter fic and saw your fic Salvation and read the summary and thought ‘well this looks good’ and i saw it was a part of a series and thought i might as well start at the beginning to see if its any good!!! i couldn’t even begin to fantom how brilliant and talented you are!!! im only just finished this first one! and i want more more more! and there is more!!! yay me!!! im just going to go and binge read it all!!! no sleep or socializing for me!!!!

thanks for shearing your talent and choosing to express it with Hanagram fics! i truly appreciated it, like im sure many many others do!!!“

Also on Baptism: 

„Ahhhh, this is completely stunning!! So beautifully and elegantly done, it drew me in from the first chapter and refused to let go until the last. Just wonderful. Thank you so much for this gorgeous reading experience.

*Applauds*

Please don’t ever stop writing Nalyra :-)“

On Obfuscation: 

„I’ve just binge-read this whole story. I absolutely loved it!! The balance of power between them is beautifully portrayed. I really enjoy the tenderness between them, and also the pure darkness. It feels like a completely natural progression from the show. I can’t wait to move on to the next installment!“

*****

Characters:

Will Graham, Hannibal Lecter, Alana Bloom, Margot Verger, Verger Baby (Hannibal), Freddie Lounds, Jack Crawford, Chiyoh, Will Graham‘s Father, Clarice Starling, Robertas Lecter, Bedelia Du Maurier, Ardelia Mapp, Matthew Brown, Original Graham-Lecter Children

*****

(some) Tags:

Post-Episode: s03e13 The Wrath of the Lamb | Canon-Typical Violence | Canon Compliant to Canon up until 2018 | Post-Canon to Canon up until 2018 | Original Character(s) | Original Character Death(s) | Explicit Language | Explicit Sexual | First Time | First Kiss | Murder Husbands | Murder Wives | Rough Sex | Angst | Fluff | Blood play | Dream Sex | Branding | Fanart | Honeymoon | Cannibalism | SotL-compliant | Canon Character Death

*****

Rating:

Mature, scratching on explicit, but toned down from Ao3 version. A bit.

*****

Excerpt:

From Baptism:

It takes an indistinct amount of time to get ‘back down to earth‘ as it were. Will is vaguely aware that there is a cramp in his legs, the fingers of his right hand hurt where Hannibal has gripped him too tightly, he is a mess, he hurts between his legs in places he cannot yet define properly and Hannibal - Hannibal is lying on top of him, making it hard to breathe, silently crying into Will’s neck. Will feels the best he can remember.

He carefully dislodges his left arm from Hannibal’s neck, dragging his fingers through the greying hair, petting. His legs drop and he winces, which seems to bring Hannibal back to himself. He raises his head, eyes bloodshot, his voice gravelly. “Will, I… I apologize.“

Will shakes his head slowly and places the fingers of his left hand against Hannibal’s lips. His gaze catches on the ring that Molly placed there and he realizes with a start that it has no place here in this bed. He feels more than sees Hannibal withdraw and quickly shakes his head again trying to placate and communicate his thoughts as clear as possible. “Take it off for me.“

Hannibal freezes above him. The look he levels at him does its best to make Will hard again but he really isn’t that young anymore. Will swallows. Hannibal slowly drags his right hand up at the side of Will‘s body, making him shiver. When he reaches his chest he follows his arm up until he reaches the hand that’s still raised between them. Slowly, very slowly Hannibal starts to push the ring off Will’s finger with his messy hand, never breaking his gaze. Hannibal encloses it in his hand when it’s off and carefully puts it on the nightstand at the other side of the bed. “What about it now?“

Hannibal’s voice is rough and Will knows that the answer he has isn’t what the question was about, but it is the only one he has to give. He tries to say it lightly, keeping his voice low. “Well, you took it from me. So, if we make this work, you’ll have to go and replace it.“

Something breaks in Hannibal’s gaze. There is light and darkness seeping into it in equal measure and it thrills Will to no end to see it. Hannibal’s voice is the roughest he has ever heard it, the accent strong. “I will not let you go, now.“

Will smiles. To everyone else, this would have been a threat. To Will, it’s the conclusion of a courtship that’s lasted six years. He’s been caught, and now he’s free. “Where do we go from here?“

Hannibal nuzzles into the Will’s neck, his words breathed onto sweaty skin. “How about we pay a visit to an old friend?“

*****

Final notes:

>> I don’t make money from this - the price on Etsy consists of the following amounts:

A4 hardcover print with color cut, heavy paper and bookend pages etc: 41€

Packaging: 2€

Etsy fees: 2€

+ Shipping

*IF this book sells 50 copies (in total**) I will be able to get some nice extras (ribbon bookmark, spot glosses at the very least).

** I’m going to order some for myself and a few artists, who preferred the book over monetary payment

Printing will commence after August 10th, 2018, with shipping following right after. Printed at same company that has printed Radiance and will print Ravage.

Books will be in foil and wrapped in bubble wrap and then in the actual packaging for shipment (aka lessons from Radiance. I’ll also check the weather forecast -.-).

IF there is something left when all is said and done I will donate it. Resumé will be posted here.

After August 10th 2018 I will close preorder.

This will be the only edition.

If there are some copies I need to get to reach the minimum to the next „step“ (with more extras) these will become available on Etsy afterwards.

There will NOT be a digital version for sale because I only negotiated with the artists for a printed version.

Soooo.... 🤗

Hope you like!!! 💕