#because those two are her only reference for what autism is/looks like and i'm not like that

[sherlock-is-ace]

.

[nothingenoughao3]

hai i'm curious about what twin peaks is, can you explain it to me (preferably without spoilers) /nf

Oh, is it my birthday?! Yes I can do that!

I will say that I generally do not consider things that happen in the pilot or first episode of a TV series to be "spoilers" so much as "premise". So anything I say here that's direct plot-stuff will only come from the pilot. All right? Let's dig in!

CAPSULE SUMMARY

Twin Peaks is a surreal/magical realism/police procedural/drama/horror/soap opera produced by David Lynch and Mark Frost. It had two seasons of 30 episodes total, a film (Fire Walk With Me), and a third season that came out 25 years later in 2017.

In the pilot episode, a teenaged young woman who everyone in town knows, Laura Palmer, is found murdered. The town reels to cope with her demise and the investigation. A second young woman is found alive and wandering--and she crossed state lines as she wandered. The police call in the FBI, since it's now a multi-state case, and in walks Special Agent Dale Cooper.

As Cooper begins his investigation, he discovers that there's far, far more going on in Twin Peaks than he'd first anticipated.

[NOTE HERE that Twin Peaks covers a LOT of extremely tough and triggering topics over the course of its run. DoesTheDogDie should have a list of all triggers, although those will come with spoilers. The main one to be aware of is that sexual assault, domestic abuse, and rape are discussed. The aftermath of these crimes is depicted. It's 1990, so it's not graphic as in Law & Order: SVU, but it is very much present. Please take care of yourself first!]

NOT-SPOILER REASONS TO WATCH IT

It is a vital historical work of art. Twin Peaks revived the police procedural, popularized soap operas as an art form, launched and relaunched multiple acting careers, introduced surrealism to multiple generations of TV watchers, taught basics of Buddhism, helped spread awareness of the Free Tibet movement, and inspired countless references and imitators. When you watch Twin Peaks, you'll feel like you've seen it before... because you've almost certainly seen something which only exists because of Twin Peaks.

David Lynch is Autism Patient Zero who does not compromise his writing or his vision for NT audiences. He writes dialogue and directs actors in a way that can only be described as "everybody's got the autism accent", and it is a DELIGHT to experience.

The visuals are, often, so strong that you will forget how to breathe. Many of the sets and locations are treated like characters in and of themselves.

The title, Twin Peaks, ties into the show's central themes about identity, which is one of my favorite themes in fiction. What makes you who you are? If there was someone who looked a lot like you, would that compromise who you are? What if they have the same name as you? Are you no longer who you are if you can't remember your past? Is it sometimes a good thing to change your identity? What if everybody thinks you did something unforgivable, but you don't remember it? Does society require all of us to have public faces and private faces? Does anyone really know another person's private face?

When I first watched it, nobody shipped Trucoop (Cooper with the local police sheriff, Harry S. Truman). Now it seems like everybody does and I am not alone, yaaay.

Features one of the very few trans characters in media at the time who was unambiguously positive!

Watch an episode, then pull up the IMDB and see who everyone is. I guarantee that you'll almost always find SOMEone who was famous for other stuff. If you like Star Trek, you'll find that half the damn cast was either on TNG or DS9. It is honestly astounding to me that Jeff Combs wasn't on the series (because, I assume, he was shooting Bride of Re-Animator and other stuff).

THINGS TO WATCH OUT FOR

The subtitling in some versions of the show (on DVD specifically) is really bad and unreliable. I found that the Netflix subtitles were OK. If you don't know about OpenSubtitle, I recommend using them to find better subtitles in case you need them.

As stated above, the show gets into really dark themes, and it does not shy away from them when necessary. I feel that these things are addressed in a sensitive way and frequently related to plot, but it hits everyone different.

The music... eh. I like the electro/late 80s theme and the instrumentals that back most of the scenes. But every time someone sings, I get the cringe. I've never been able to get on board with what Lynch thinks good music sounds like. But a lot of people do, so that could just be me.

It takes a lot of work to watch this show. Since so much of it is visual, it is absolutely a show you have to watch with no distractions. I found it to be worth it--past a certain point, I didn't want any distractions. But I get where it's a sacrifice of time and concentration.

If you watch it and enjoy it, you will probably end up with Lynchian Syndrome, where you are compelled to watch every other thing David Lynch has ever made and develop elaborate hypotheses on how they're all in the same universe and suchlike.

So yeah! I hope this gives you an spoiler-free idea of why this show is so special, and if you had any other questions about it, let me know!

[annbourbon]

The Useful Post (Part Two)

Part One || Part Two || Part Three || Part Four || Part Five || Part Six

>-< Because apparently only 100 links are allowed per post.

I'm gonna finish the other one and edit both to make it look a bit more... clean.

Be That Girl 101

Although it's not the only blog with this kind of content, it is one of the best I've seen. So follow @prettyinpink for more content. The list I'm creating of course doesn't only includes her blog but others too. If I find it's interesting, useful or something along the lines, it'll be here.

♡ Learn something new

♡ Making your phone to be intentional

♡ Making Friends

♡ Self care 101

♡ How to stop procrastinating by managing your emotions

♡ How to romanticize exercise

♡ How to be the Main Character

♡ Cariona: Pads that actually help

♡ Success Formula 101

♡ The It Girl Mindset

♡ 5 Habits to Fix your Problems

♡ Sexual Education

♡ Ultimate Friendship Guide

♡ Things to Manifest

♡ Watch your posture

♡ How to Build an unshakeable confidence

♡ How not to Die if you have an ED

♡ Don't let others to paywall human connection

♡ Read only women

♡ How to stop overthinking

♡ Youtube Channels 4 Girlies

♡ Stop self~sabotage and doubts

♡ Becoming an adult

♡ You can do this

♡ Set your own pace

♡ Friends

♡ Content creators

♡ Don't date for love

Ballet 101

♡ Diet

♡ Routine

♡ Victoria Secret Workout

♡ My own Diet & Workout Routine

♡ What is healthy for one person might not be for another

♡ How to lose weight fast naturally

Food 101

♡ Pancakes to cure depression

♡ Vegetarian recipes

♡ Vegan recipes

♡ Gluten Free Ideas #1

♡ Prosciutto & Blue Cheese (I don't support EDs but these recipes are so tasty!!)

♡ Food List & Some advice

♡ Common myths about migraines

♡ Fluffy Bread

♡ Eating Tray Hack

♡ Pasta

Nature 101

♡ Orchids

♡ Identifying Plants?

♡ Learn How to Like Bugs

♡ Birds

♡ Plants can talk

♡ Bees are dying

♡ Frogs

♡ How to grow....

♡ Worms

♡ Dandelions

History 101

★Those who do not learn from history are doomed to repeat it.~ George Santayana. ★

♡ Disability History

♡ Who are you? *Master List*

♡ Irish Mythology

♡ Autism through the years

♡ White People Culture: Long post

♡ History is closer than you think

♡ Asexuals and Aros through history

♡ Myth of Orpheus and Eurydice

♡ Belgians

♡ European History is not white

♡ Ronald Reagan

♡ Pompeii Fact

Art 101

★ This category includes Drawing and Painting, among other forms of art. It also includes some authors I really liked and works to use as inspiration, or to at least have some knowledge of their existence.★

♡ Art: Vintage

♡ Drawing cozy interiors

♡ Beautiful...

♡ John Singer Sargeant (watercolor)

♡ František Dvořák

♡ Primary colors in a fight

♡ 3D Website

♡ Outfit References

♡ Fake Colors

Etiquette 101

♡ Be polite!

♡ Stop your Lizard 🐊 Brain 🧠

♡ Emotionally Competent

Others

♡ Useful for anyone with an appendix

♡ Ad Blockers on YT

♡ Books should be free according to Human Rights

♡ Libguides

♡ What makes Theatre great

♡ Librarians & Teenagers

♡ American Archive

♡ Sundown Towns

♡ Use this instead of

♡ How to keep following people when a social platform implodes

♡ How to Network

♡ How to use Google & Pinterest

♡ Youtube - No Ads

♡ How to find a post really fast

♡ Nothing to do online??

♡ Mythbusters: Sleep

♡ WWC’s A Beginner’s Guide to Academic Research

♡ Wayback Machine

If you want to be here, write me. I'll check on your post and see if I can make it work 😉

[bishiglomper]

I went to my primary care doc to get my referral to a geneticist.

She said of the two she could refer me to, one never took referrals and the other only did to screen for cancer.

So we told her who all we knew had cancer in our family. Among a few other things that might be genetic.

She didn't care what all I had. So my congenital stuff didn't even count. 🙃 Let alone all the shit I want tested. Like the pool of autism, pots, eds; shit like that that overlap and might have markers.

I also asked about the tests dad wanted. He thinks my tachycardia thing is because I'm being poisoned by pesticides. But doc said they weren't big enough to run those tests. She said i should go to the ER and tell them I think I'm being poisoned and see if they'll do it. Because they can ship it out to bigger labs.

Asked about cervical instabilty. But she said unless I was in severe pain insurance wouldn't cover imaging. Tried to send me to PT. Nah. I want proof.

She's already sent me to all the people. But even the specialists don't know what to do with me. Either there's nothing they can do or my problems are too niche for them to deal with.

Le sigh

Doc suggested I go see something like integrated health services. Dunno what that is and insurance won't cover it but they might be willing to do the tests I want.

I wish we lived nearer to a Mayo clinic or something....

Maybe I can find a geneticist doing studies I can offer myself to or something. I think that's how one of my friends got her EDS diagnosis. Her doc was looking into sub types.

I JUST DON'T KNOW, MAN.

[wyrdify]

This is not at anyone here. This is at the U.S. healthcare system, particularly as it relates to neurodivergent trans people. Rant below the cut.

So, back in April, I asked my med manager for a referral to get evaluated for autism. Said med manager does not do it herself since she doesn't do diagnoses, and neither does the facility she works at, so she referred me out. I was then told that the place will be in touch with me to get me scheduled, and this may take up to 6-12 months as they have a waiting list. But, I can check on that referral at any time by calling them. Cool.

More background information: I started taking Effexor more than a month ago (probably close to two months now) since Zoloft, my old anti-depressant, wasn't really working. I noticed that, on the 75 mg dose of Effexor, I sometimes experienced brain fog, muscle weakness, and other things I associated with my seizures. Effexor worked, but I felt it was also lowering my seizure threshold. Med manager, who prescribed the Effexor, told me to contact my neurologist about it since my neurologist handles my epilepsy. Fine. No problem. That usually isn't an issue.

I couldn't reach my neurologist. I called her office at least twice and had her medical assistant call me back, who promised me my neurologist would call me back. That never happened. So, I tried another method, which was MyChart. I sent a message to my neurologist there on July 6, and I never heard back. Nothing. I don't see her until the end of November, so now I need to try and basically move up my appointment just to get a basic question about a prescription answered. I schedule my appointments with her a year in advance, so I don't know how much luck I'll have there.

So, that's one fail of the U.S. Healthcare system. Let's move on to what happened yesterday and today.

Yesterday, I meet with my med manager to go over a few things. I bring a list with me because not only has it been about a month since I last saw her, but I wanted to get the ball rolling on a couple other things. I wanted to see if an evaluation for ADHD was separate from the one I was getting for autism, and I wanted to get a referral letter for top surgery. For those who've known me for a while, you've known I've lived with gender dysphoria since 2016-17. It's been a long time. I want to get that started now and not keep waiting around.

What she ended up telling me: an ADHD eval is part of the autism one I'm going to have since it's a full neuropsych eval. Okay, that makes sense. Cool. I move on to the next subject: top surgery. She tells me to go to a place in the city to talk to them about surgery. They don't do anything with top surgery. Yes, they do gender affirming healthcare, but I was specifically asking for a referral letter. I looked into what I needed for top surgery in my state before this appointment (not directly before, but days before). I need at least one letter from a mental health provider for it. Why did my med manager refer me to somewhere that doesn't do that and will likely just tell me to go back to her?

She said that she or my therapist, who works in the same facility, could write the letter, but still. STILL. She sent me to another place first. I am a trans person who doesn't need hormone therapy. I need top surgery. My gender dysphoria is well documented in their system. I checked. It became abundantly clear to me in that moment that she doesn't have many trans patients. At all. That facility in general probably doesn't considering the last med manager I had there was transphobic. Anyway.

Today: I called this morning to check on the status of my referral for the neuropsych eval. It turns out that they couldn't accept my referral because they don't have a specialist, so they sent it back for my PCP to handle (same facility as my med manager and my therapist). My med manager didn't see this at all. I'm not even sure she was looking at my chart to be honest. If she did, maybe she would've saw this and said, "Oh, I need to refer you to somewhere else or have your PCP do it." But no, I get to be back at square fucking one again. Because I couldn't ask my med manager to get that referral for a neuropsych exam. I had to go through my PCP to do it. Make it make sense.

I am so goddamn frustrated with this system. I'm just trying to take care of my health and be somewhat proactive about it, but I fucking can't. At this point, I don't know what to do. I might leave this facility all together and start over with a new PCP, new therapist, and new med manager. But, then I run the risk of not being in therapy for months, not seeing a med manager for months to a year, and not seeing a PCP for months to a year as well. And I'm in the middle of a med change too. Not only that, but I don't want to be a difficult patient or someone who just quits doctors or places willy-nilly. This is my third med manager, fourth therapist, and fourth PCP since I moved here nearly 10 years ago.

I don't know what to do. What the hell do I do? I want to cry, scream, rage. I hate this healthcare system so much.

[steampunk-swift-arrow]

Watching the Rise movie, my reactions (I've heard a lot of clips and spoilers so I know what I'm getting into)

Oh, Leo and Mikey have talked about this before. Mikey knew the plan without even him saying anything

Leo you're never gonna beat that record by talking

Leo making a drinking game but it's with pizza is great

Why is Warren Stone the Worm driving?! He's in a booster seat!

Nice job Leo, you actually punched yourself in the face

Leo's face healed up awfully quickly

Poor Mikey and Donnie keep looking at each other in worry and discomfort

PB&J duo watching their leaders fight through windows and then immediately trying to keep them from physically fighting (nice try)

April! You were doing so well! Those flips were great! And you dropped your phone?

Poor Casey Jr, didn't stand a chance

CJ has Donnie's logo on his clothes

Donnie's planning to crack time travel so future him can send past him the winning lottery numbers

"We ate leaves and rats...no offense" "None taken, we are delicious" Excuse me?! What?!

Casey may have just killed a guy with his chainsaw hockey stick...

Why are the Krang so big? And why do they kinda look like flesh-y Minecraft Creepers?

And there goes their powers.

Raph protecting Mikey and Donnie <3

"If you two don't mind, I haven't killed anything in ages" who am I to argue with such a polite request? Go ahead, I'm sure there's some Foot ninja left somewhere

The Krang brother is so small (affectionate)

Cool Leo action shot!

Ooh... ouch

Leo's panicked cries as he's sent away from Raph

Even Donnie wasn't sure the escape pods were going to work, he'd never had to use them before :'(

"How would everyone rate that rescue experience?" "Sorry. Data collection calms me down" Same, honestly. I do list-making whenever I'm stressed or anxious

The perspective change over to Leo with ringing muffled voices was cool

Leo's so angry that Raph got taken

Donnie comforting Mikey again, poor boys

"Commander? I like the sound of that" no one will be able to call her anything else ever again, she's now commander. She might outrank everyone else title-wise

"Last I checked, we weren't the ones trapped in a prison dimension for a thousand years" burn!!!

Ooh eye horror, yikes

"We live to serve" "you will serve me, whether you live or not"

Oooh we're going full body horror

"Hold onto your glutious maximi!"

Even Casey Jr's mad about Donnie putting trackers on everyone

"They told that to kids?! Man the future is harsh"

"We're doing it my way, remember?" Donnie and Mikey don't look confident about that one, Leo

"Ninja in, ninja their faces, ninja out" that's not a verb Leo

"I'm not sharing my hand sanitizer" there's a reason why Rise Donnie in particular got me to look into autism, and that's because he's too relatable (this is in reference to Donnie's disliking of the texture, which looks horrendous)

Why is "Donnie's Stomach" on the whiteboard of key destruction ideas?

Donnie and Mikey protecting each other so much

Oh no, April's school actually was creating herbicides to cause deforestation

I love that Donnie has backup battle shells in the tank, he's prepared for everything

"Remind me never to get on your bad side" as if you need a reminder?

Casey's angy

Casey insulting and traumatizing Leo at the same time

"Skyscraper caper" is the best headline ever and I love it

I don't think this is something the police can handle; even with a basic understanding of what it looks like from the outside they should have sent the military

Donnie's having a breakdown, poor kid

Leo stopping Casey from interrupting Donnie, letting Donnie rant for once (only for him to be stopped by Splinter instead)

And the body horror returns

Oh, the body horror really came bac- is that a train?! A Krang Train?!

Krang Helicopter

The Eye of Souron causing explosions was pretty cool

"Donnie! What do those big, beautiful eyebrows have to say?"

"What do you say, Donnie? You ready to fly a spaceship?" "Literally, the greatest question ever asked."

And the duo of Donnie and Mikey continues!

"Where's the character development?" a question I ask frequently. Splinter gets me

And here's the height of sensory horror. Also, the horrible wet sounds that come from everything Krang are perfect. Disgusting but perfect.

The angle of the Krang pulling Donnie out of the ship makes it look really painful but thankfully, I don't think Donnie was connected enough to feel it

Ah, the Wolverine Claws. People working on the Turtle franchise love those

The body horror's back, not as bad as before

Donnie's starting to pass out

Powers back! And Donnie gets to be really cool with how he uses his

Third battle shell of the movie is summoned

The return of April's crane license

Ick, Krang-lady's impaled -oh gross, she's un-impaling herself in the most disturbing way

Mikey just threw a building. Truly the strongest of the four

Donnie protecting Mikey again <3

"Don't worry Donnie, this is not a hug! It's a rescue!"

"How would you rate that rescue? Unsatisfied, very unsatisfied, wish Donnie had done it"

Donnie's about to pass out again (this boy needs a nap after all this)

Leo about to sacrifice himself and scaring everyone (poor Donnie's comforting Mikey again)

Krang shut up, let Leo encourage Casey!

"What you failed to understand was I missed on purpose." Smug

Poor Leo. He's pretty sure he's going to die and he's okay with it

Krang-lady laughing after everyone thinks Leo's gone and April's about to kill her

If I had a nickle for every time I've seen Donnie hit a Krang in the face with a giant drill, I'd have two nickles...

"Our HEROES 💙💛💜❤" (we only see the first three in the text, I added the red heart"

Aw, they all got Casey Jr his first pizza <3

"So much better than rats" Splinter... why do you look offended? Why are you offended that Casey Jr likes eating actually food more than your rodent brethren?!

Splinter using his tail as a selfie stick

"That's my mom!" poor CJ's having a crisis. He knew he'd see his mom some time, right?

"Our home. What a town."

Movie ends with everyone cheering on Raph as he tries the insane pizza carrying challenge from earlier

....

These kids have a lot of trauma to work through but they're already looking better/happier while eating pizza. Hopefully they get the chance to rest later though

Also they should have let April kill the Krang-lady...

Apologies for spelling errors and lack-luster reactions, I'm not very good at being expressive through written text :p

[kalamity-jayne]

Oy vey! Posts like this one are funny to me cause they unintentionally prove their counterpoint. I think people just don't recognize how uniquely screwed mothers are and how frequently mothers end up in situations where they're damned no matter what they do. Like, in this hypothetical scenario the ideal and appropriate action is to pick the 2yr old up and take them outside the library and then help them cool down. However, what's ideal is not always what's possible. Maybe OP is referring to a specific thing that happened and has left out important details for brevity, but without really knowing anything else about this woman beyond the scant details provided, it seems to me a lot of assumptions are being made about her. How do you know you aren't seeing this mom on her worst day? How do you know that mom hasn't been dealing with tantrums all day long and isn't losing her damn mind? Maybe what you see as "tuning out" is her trying to stay calm and not resort to yelling at her kid.

As a transgender mom, I face many layers of scrutiny when I'm out and about with my kid and I can always tell when someone looks at me as though they believe my claim to womanhood should disqualify me from motherhood. I could do everything right, be the perfect picture of idyllic motherhood, be ultra considerate of everyone around me, my kid could be a perfect lil' angel and those people would still find reasons to angrily disapprove, and heaven help me if I do make a mistake. Embedded within the assumptions we make about people are the various internalized -isms, maybe it's classism or racism or something else, that we all must be mindful of. You don't really know anything about this mother you presume to judge therefore I think it's worth considering your own potential unconscious biases.

You assume the mother is just being rude but more likely there's a legit reason preventing her from taking her kid elsewhere to chill out, and trust me, she probably wants to get herself and the kid the hell out of there as much as you want them to. When you have to parent solo, you inevitably run into the "not enough hands and not enough time" problem. For instance, if the kid is 2 yrs old, especially early 2, and not in daycare, you have at least one maybe two naps, three meal times, 2 snacks and an unforgiving bedtime routine to schedule around, leaving not a lot of flexibility in the day and when you build in all the other domestic tasks and playtime for the kid there isn't much time left for mama to tend to her own needs. Like, maybe this mom has forms to fill out or jobs to apply for but is dependent on the library for computer and internet access. This could be her one and only window of opportunity to get the work done that day or that week even and the kid suddenly throws a mega fit.

Or perhaps the child has a sensory processing difference (in some cases autism can be diagnosed as young as 18 months). For all you know this mother just desperately wants her child to be able to participate in a library story time or that she's just waiting for some library program specifically intended for children like hers to begin and the kid is melting down in the meantime. I bring this one up because I took my kid to a story time at our library and another mother who's kid is severely autistic (which I only knew because of a previous conversation with the mother) was so anxious and on the verge of tears cause her kid was wildin' out.

It's worth pointing out too, that yes we're supposed to be quiet in libraries but public libraries are for children as well as adults and the thing about toddlers and babies is, they gonna be loud sometimes, they do not understand decorum, and they don't learn these things in just one go. Some libraries have different tolerances for noise. Adults have to share these spaces to a degree and depending on the size of the library there may not be a separate room or space for the lil' kids to go. My neighborhood library is basically just one big open room and the kids area is demarcated with only a kindergarten style rug and some tot sized chairs.

When we say society judges mothers too harshly what we really mean is that people often deny you the benefit of the doubt (especially if you're not straight/cis/white/etc), people will provide unsolicited and often unqualified opinions on your mothering, mother's are expected to be perfect 100% of the time while being given nothing in the way of support, career driven moms are treated like they're terrible mothers, employers will refuse to hire mothers because they're "just concerned she'll be too dedicated to her children," (actually happened to an older colleague of mine before New York made this illegal and despite the law it's very difficult to prove), sometimes employers will fire a mother for showing any dedication to her family at all (also illegal in New York if you can prove it was discriminatory; I am myself weighing the decision to pursue legal action against a former employer for such family responsibilities discrimination), and fathers are not held anywhere even close to the standards mothers are held to.

Some moms are better than others but motherhood isn't black and white, it's complicated. So, rather than judge some poor mother based on your probably incorrect assumptions, try saying something reassuring or genuinely helpful to her. Like, I am eternally grateful to that one Caribbean granny who told me, "don't worry honey, they grow out of it sooner than you think!" and the random dude who stopped to jokingly admonish my kid, "Lil' man, listen to your moms, she loves you and works hard for you," and I am definitely grateful to the librarians who are so kind and patient, even when my kid has decided to go goblin mode. Even the smallest crumb of recognition and reassurance can mean the world to a mom who's sanity is probably hanging on by a thread. But minding your own business is always an option too.

"Society is so judgmental towards mothers"

Margaret, your 2-year old is screaming throat-raw bloody murder in a library. That makes people look at you. That makes people observe that you are tuning your kid out rather than addressing both the stress to your child and their impact on their immediate surroundings (read: Library). That makes people judge you. Hope this helps.

[nightbunnyusagi]

I am 18 and self-diagnosed as autistic. I am wondering what the process for a late-diagnosis is like.

How did you start the process? Did you ask a doctor or a therapist?

How long was the waitlist?

How long did the actual process take?

Did you have to travel for the diagnosis?

Was it expensive? How much did you personally have to pay?

Was it required to have your family involved in the process? Did you do it by yourself?

Hello! I'm sorry it took me so long to answer.

Hm, I believe this will be a rather long answer. But as a disclaimer, I'm not in the US, so the process might vary a lot.

As I entered adult life and everything was getting progressively worse and, as consequence, my mental health declining, I started by raising the possibility with my therapist (that I had already been seeing for 4 years) and then scheduling an appointment with a psychiatrist that happened to be specialized in autism (it was an insurance doctor, so I could've not been that lucky). In my country there is not really a waitlist if you're using private health care instead of public. So I just had to see the doctors availability, which was in two months or something like that. I also live in a big city with many available doctors, so I didn't have to travel.

We had a few sessions the following months (my insurance only covered one psychiatrist appointment a month, so it took a while) talking. Yes, he had to talk to my family. At first he talked to my father, asked him questions about my childhood and expanded. After those sessions, autism was ruled out and I was diagnosed with social anxiety and referred to further ADHD testing, which took another good 6 months with a neuropsychologist.

I was diagnosed with ADHD-C and started medication. However, as the months passed, things didn't get better like I had hoped. My therapist said she thought it made sense for me to have autism and said I should ask my psychiatrist to give it another try on further testing. Which I did.

More testing, more questions, more talking and, this time, he talked to my mother, who was more involved in raising me than my father, asking her the same questions he did to my father. I was then diagnosed with autism as well.

So, in total, the whole process from the moment the question was raised took around two years. Which, yes, sounds like a lot, but it's only a fraction of my life and I think it was worth it, because I also feel like the doctors were worried in properly understanding my issues rather than just giving me a paper and telling me to leave.

Although I raised the subject with my therapist, only a psychiatrist or neurologist can diagnose you, as that's their study area. And it's very complicated to do it without getting family involved. I did look for help on my own, initially, but I had to get family involved because, as early years are very important in neurodevelopmental disorders, I can't remember some aspects of my childhood that my mother, for example, can. Those were key memories to understand when the symptoms started (which is very important, because symptoms starting late in life can mean other disorders and not autism, with different treatment).

I've heard a lot of people complaining about ambiguity or weird phrasing of diagnostic questionnaires, but I was told this is on purpose, because the doctor applying them is evaluating your reactions and understanding of the questions as well. They have experience with multiple patients and understanding on how to adapt as they go in order to meet the patient's specific needs. That's why professional diagnosis is advised: they have experience, diagnostic and evaluation tools that non-doctors don't have.

[queen-of-my-goofball-army]

Undiagnosed Autism-spectrum disorder in The Michells Vs The Machines

I'm sure that more well educated people have put two and two together in this film but I really, really want to put my own spin on it from my experience. For me, as an aspie, film is one of my biggest interests. I love studying and more than anything I love watching and rewatching films. My latest favorite movie was one that I just watched last night for my family movie night, The Michells Vs The Machines. I also went 17 years of my life asking myself the same question that both Rick and his daughter ask each other, what is wrong with him/her?

Well, I'll tell you, in my firmly undiagnosed autistic opinion for far too long, that this family is full of people with undiagnosed autism spectrum disorder. When I was watching it with my parents my mom made the comment that "the dad was a jerk" and maybe "he just didn't love his daughter enough to let her be her own person." I thought that was so not seeing the bigger picture even though it was only fifteen minutes into the film. I have felt like Katie so much with my own dad. My dad is a computer nerd and a physics major for those of you that don't talk to me very often. That means in laminas terms that he's extremely smart. Way smarter than I will ever be in my entire life. Both of my parents are insanely smart in their own rights. My mom is a CPA accountant. But that isn't what I wanted to talk about here. I want to discuss the effect of undiagnosed autism and what it can do to a whole family when they all have it and just don't know that they do. This will probably go on for quite some time so you may stop here or read below the cut because this also has the probablity of getting super, duper personal.

We'll start with Katie! To me, Katie is one of the most relatable characters that I have ever come across. She's a film nerd, which alone has made her supremely relatable as somebody who is thinking about going into a degree in film studies. I am more of a critic of film than somebody who wants to make her own film but nonetheless, there were SO many little moments that I related to. The first thing that I personally noticed and related to was the stimming technique that Katie has. She chews on her hoodie strings. As somebody who has chewed on the drawstrings of hoodies far too often long before I was officially put into the Aspergers box. Aspies are also known to stick with one "special interest" for the rest of their lives if it's one that is wide enough and varied enough to make it applicable. For Katie, that's film. For me that's animation. I appreciated that little detail of most of her dialogue being references to other films because as a lover of films and movies in general I could go for days on just fumes and movie references that nobody else understands. The little things from her hair being perpetually messy (same that's a whole ass mood like I just learned over quarantine how to tye my own hair back), only having one earring in her ear at all times, the way that she dresses and draws on her own hands, this was just me when I was first in high school. I was one of the few people that wore shorts underneath all my skirts/dresses. Everyone who knew about looked at me like I had grown a third eyeball.

Aaron, the younger brother, also just oozes spectrum lil buddy out of his every pore from his being. I do think that they should have picked somebody capable of doing a bit of a younger sounding voice (I know what they were going for, but like Ben Schwartz has become a huge deal in both voice acting and live action before switching mediums.) His special interest is actually quite a common one, he loves dinosaurs. I've met a bunch of people on the spectrum that are fascinated by dinos and what they meant for the world as well as the universe as a whole. To me, there was one scene specifically that was the scene where Katie was lightly teasing him when they were going to the half assed dinosaur extravaganza. For me, this was SO relatable because both of my parents will mess with me about my interests most of the time it's when we go to Disneyland, they'll tell me that we actually aren't going to land of magic but to Timbuckto (hopefully one day they'll say some place else just to switch things up.) I related so hard to Aaron's protesting and whining in this scene since that is always my reaction to doing something that I want to do but get told that I can't do that thing.

Linda is more of your traditional mom but I think that she's on the spectrum as well. Just a more... normalized version as opposed to her family. She's able to be a teacher, she's able to interact somewhat normally around her neighbors. If anything, she reminded me of my own mom. This independent, takes nobody's trash (especially not her husband's), strong minded, and amazing mother who is completely in control of everything. She knows the special interests of her children and is constantly thinking of what will make them happy. Whether it be taking a detour for something dinosaur related, reminding her daughter that her dad loves her no matter what, and even something as simple as watching something that her daughter made and put her heart and soul into. I can't tell you how many times my mom has watched something with me. She watched my first anime Soul Eater with me when I was 12 and ever since then has been trying to get me to watch other shows with her. She's a lot like Linda, your loving, but firm mother who just wants her family to work things out.

Whew boy. This one is going to be probably where I cry. Comparing my dad to Rick is... something that I did consistently when I was watching the film. He's the strong but silent type usually, unless your me and he's just this constant annoyance when I'm trying to do something. He could be seen as just a "Jerk" but I think that is the undiagnosed aspie talking. Rick and Katie just struggle so hard to see eye to eye because their special interests can't intersect to save their lives. This, this hurt me because so often I struggle to relate to my dad. Especially when he talks to me about computers or physics. Now I took physics but without having been in quarantine and having him as my live in tutor I would have failed, not gotten an A. This has resulted me in saying things that I don't mean in the heat of the moment when we do argue. It doesn't happen nearly as much as it used to back when I was in middle school but when it happened it was because of one thing. I lied. I used to lie a lot because I felt so unworthy of being his daughter because on my best days I am not technically smart. You want to know how many nations of the world there were in 1991 when the original Animaniacs was airing? You want to hear my Dot Warner impression? Did you ever wonder how to recognize a specific voice when your watching anime? Have you ever had to watch a panel of your favorite anime voice actor just to laugh at something? No, well I did. But ever since I have started taking a quarter off from community college I have realized something. I am not technically smart. I struggle at learning the rules for math. My dad can do this with his eyes closed but me, I struggle and look like a complete moron. It took years for my dad and I to see eye to eye. Sometimes I still wonder if I was the product of some laboratory experiment of what would happen if two intelligent people came together, fell in love, and expecting that the daughter was smart I was the reject. Watching this movie with my dad I saw so much of my relationship with him on the screen. Struggling to relate to one another, fighting and getting into arguments about petty things, and not being able to be in the same room as one another without heated words because I didn't get him.

The scene that I related to the most when it was in terms of how much Katie just doesn't understand her dad was after he was nabbed by the machines. When Aaron asked her why she said those things to their dad and her simple answer was "I don't know." This. This right here was when I saw me. So many times I've gotten into heated arguments with my dad when he has simply annoyed me at the wrong time and I've just blown up in his face. Then I regret my actions and not know how to apologize for losing my temper with him because "I don't know" just doesn't seem like a nearly acceptable answer. I felt this in my soul because it happened especially often before I was diagnosed.

When I was diagnosed, things started to get better with my dad and I. We haven't had a fight in nearly four years now. He watches cartoons with me now to try and relate to me, it's mostly Pinky and The Brain but it's more than I could have ever asked for. I love my dad so much, more than anything in the entire world. This movie is so, so good at telling a story about how a family of undiagnosed aspie's and people on the spectrum struggle to relate to one another because their special interests are different.

Special interests and family's are especially difficult and I applaud this movie so loud because of the way that it was able to treat the subject matter with integrity and honesty. I'm sorry if this analysis got a little bit long in the toof but thank you for sticking with me! I really hope that if you watched the film you loved my analysis.

[littlx-songbxrd]

Ok I meant to answer you're question about what I thought of the show ages ago but I forgot.

I LOVED IT OMGGGG! I got so many kitty vibes from Wilhelm and Simon! The touching! The softness! It's those vibes exactly! I want that energy in TWP.

COMRADE SIMON!! We stan! That speech he made at the very beginning about the differences in attitudes towards "tax evasion" vs. "Welfare fraud." Legend behavior.

Sara!!!! My girl!!!!!! An autistic/adhd character PLAYED BY AN AUTISTIC ACTRESS!!!! THIS IS SO HUGE!!! I would die for my problematic queen. I made an entire post on her but the gist is, I get where she's coming from and understand why she feels the way she feels but dear God girl make better choices and stay the hell away from August.

Speaking of.... I wanna run August over several times. Vroom vroom motherfucker. The fact that he

- filmed MINORS HAVING SEX AND TGE POSTED IT ONLINE

-kissed Sara behind Felice's back when they were still dating WITHOUT HER CONSENT BTW

- Wanted to blame Simon for the drugs because he knew it would be easy because Simon's family is lower class and doesnt have the same social standing as one of the "members of the society"

- Also it didn't escape my notice that the cult like faternety type group with all the rich, mainly white boys is called The Society. This shows commentary on class is vv interesting. Especially the little things like two girls just randomly advocating for THE DEATH PENALTY. The rich people audacity.

-Anyways back to August, when he tried to excuse his actions with Wilhelm and get all teary like no bitch you can't manipulate your way out of this one. And again with Sara! When he said "Wilhelm has everything" I wanted to scream! Like he's fucking closeted and clearly suffering from panic attacks and extreme anxiety you moron.

-Anyways!! I also think that Wilhem might be autistic because he just feels autistic. Like the vibes are there.

- The girl group is so sweet? And to have the popular girl be a Black girl who isn't "stereotypically attractive" with a more medium sized body and bad acne. As someone who has really bad skin I needed that. Felice is kinda awesome imo.

Let me see what else??

-Simon and his mom speaking Spanish consistently throughout the show. It sounded pretty natural to me? But I'm not a native speaker. (Or even fluent honestly lol.)

- Simon and Wilhelm are honestly so adorable and in love and it made my heart ache. (I am so touch starved I swear..)

-My only main beef is the outing plotline and the show using an outdated medical term for Sara, aspergers. It's literally just autism. Also it's kind of offensive because Hans Asperger was a n*zi who literally killed autistic children because they weren't useful to capitalism. SOOOO yeah.

As for the outing plotline, I feel like the cishets have like three plotlines that they use for queer stories. Outing/coming out, one of them dies, or one if them bullies the other until they both fall in love. It's tired.

But overall I really loved it.

HI SORRY I HADNT REPLIED

I wanted to correctly talk to you about this series so I logged in through my computer to make it easier for me :D

LOOK AT THIS POINT IVE RELATED THEM TO LITERALLY EVERY COMFORT SHIP I HAVE LIKE. I've compared this to kitty, I've compared this to Thomastair, I've compared this to my friends to ocs who she has obsessed me with (youd actually like them if you liked this tbh) IVE COMPARED ME TO MY OCS

BUT AT THE END OF THE DAY I JUST LOVE THEM

IF KITTY DOESNT HAVE THIS ENERGY IN TWP WHAT WAS THE POINT

what was the point cc??

S I M O N

OH GOD WHEN HE SAID THAT I WENT OMG YEAH

new favorite character

Great

SHES PLAYED BY AN AUTISTIC ACTRESS?? Sorry I hadn't known! Haven't actually gotten to obsessively look at the cast I've been trying to get over the last episode BUT THATS SO COOL. SARA IS AMAZING AND I ADORE HER. I'll read your post after this! But of course STAY THE HELL AWAY FROM AUGUST GIRL PLEASE

Tbh I understood where she was coming from with everything with Simons image falling apart and her having to suffer when she had just started having friends , just after finding he had been lying to her. But love, AUGUST?

A U G U S T ???

WHO JUST FOUND OUT OUTED YOUR BROTHER

Also random and stealing this from @marzzinaa i totally hc Sara as a demi girl for some reason

Im kinda sad we didnt see her speak spanish as much we did simon :(

But oh well I LOVE HER AND YEAH STAY AWAY FROM AUGUST GOD

FAE WE RUN HIM OVER TOGETHER BROOM BROOM

You already said it all, I just agree

Ok I'll bring a machete you bring whatever you wish and we kill him sound good?

ALSO YEAH I TOTALLY NOTICED HOW THE ECONOMIC DINAMICS CAME INTO PLAY AND HOW IT BASICALLY LET YOU KNOW HOW THE PRIVILEGED ELITES COULD GET AWAY WITH ANYTHING

meanwhile they wanted to pass off to Simon who came from a lower class family the blame

Also I'd like to mention how that would also play into the stereotype latinos are all drug dealers

Which I love how they didnt make his dead beat alcoholic man the latino parent, when I first read the description I thought they might do that, but im so glad they didnt

I think it might have been a comentary idk i liked that they DIDNT make the poc parent the dead beat

THE FRIEND GROUP WAS SO COOL AND I LOVED ALL OF THEM AND YES FELICE WAS JUST <3

I love how they didnt make her stereotypically perfect AND YES MID SIZED REP WAS AMAZING TO SEE

Also im so glad you got to see that represented!!

So I am a native speaker and him talking to his mom MADE ME CRY

it was WONDERFUL I WANT MORE OF IT

pls most her phrases reminded me to my own mom

Autistic wilhelm you say?? omg tell me more (if you want)

Oh thats awful, well I'll just refer to Sara as autistic and hope the showrunners fix that next season because if they dont-

Yikes

Oh yeah, thats valid critisism. But in my opinion they actually wrote it pretty well so I wont really be complaining about an overall media problem with queer stories rn. If so I'll be here all day. But yeah its an overall problem but it wasnt done bad in my opinion so!

I'll shut up, for now

IM SO GLAD YOU LIKED IT FEEL FREE TO KEEP TALKING ABOUT IT WITH ME PLS ITS MY OBSESSION NOW IM GONNA BE ANNOYING ABOUT IT ALL MONTH

[slowlyreadinghouseofmirth]

Page 7

In truth, he had never liked her as well as at that moment -> Selden's affections here are plain to see, made so especially by subordinate clause 'in truth' which conveys an honesty and freshness about his feelings. Most importantly, he likes her when she is being her true self, unconventional, and willing to take risk. It's likely informed by his disillusion with high society and finding commonality in someone willing to disregard its etiquette. This is where Lily is unique.

There's also this sense that Selden likes Lily because she is impulsive and this sparks his curiosity to try and understand why she does the things she does-- understand Lily as a person.

He knew she had accepted without afterthought: -> This reaffirms Lily's lack of hesitancy, which alludes to how willing she is to be in Selden's company. It also shows how comfortable she is with him as she is aware of the rumours that could occur but never merits them with being a possibility, showing great trust.

Alternatively, being aware of the risks and having not afterthoughts could suggest that she doesn't fully understand the risks' depth and nuance as in future the situation at Monte Carlo would suggest, but I'm getting ahead of myself.

he could never be a factor in her calculations -> there's a colon that separates this clause from the previous one which suggests this is an explanation for Lily's certainty. To me this would point more towards Lily not really associating the risk of rumours with Selden because she trusts him so much. i.e she does not think of him when she thinks of the risks. But given that they are going up to his apartment it seems strange that Selden would not think himself a factor in her decision. It's therefore possible that he thinks that Lily does not think of him worthy of great consideration.

Also the noun 'calculations' would suggest a lot of thought had gone into the decision where it was previously implied it was one of impulse. This seems like Selden thinks that Lily is playing an intricate game, which further demonstrates his curiosity about her and need to understand her.

there was a surprise, a refreshment almost, in the spontenaity of her consent -> This further contrasts Selden's perception of Lily's 'calculations' and I think the narration is a fine weave between objective reality--where Lily is impulsive-- and Selden's subjective perceptions-- where Lily appears impulsive but there is something more complex informing her decisions. I think this is meant to show that Selden is blinded somewhat by his affections for Lily, seeing things deeper than what are there or what everybody else sees. Alternatively, we as the reader lack Selden's sight into the complexities of Lily and so she is introduced to us as other people see her, which isn't well at all, and we have to learn how Selden sees her. It's a challenge to care for Lily as he does.

The spontaneity invokes a light hearted and refreshing feeling of being in love which mirrors the honest of truth mentioned earlier.

So there's Selden's surprise at Lily being so spontaneous which draws back to a previous point about she is unique for being impulsive almost reckless. It's like we get a sense of her character and her environment from how the two are at odds with each other. Lily is impulsive; noone else of her class should be like that. In a way that makes her free from the system and yet shows her struggle against it but ultimately her struggle will be more defining.

She noticed the letters and notes heaped on the table -> I assume that this is a reference to future letters although I don't know if they would be the same ones. If they were, I don't even have the mental capacity to unpack that. Just the thought that Lily's fall is inevitable, that even when she is happy, having a nice time, an unknown omen lurks within the same room that will bring her sorrow... oh its symbolic, for sure. But I don't want to think about it.

Lily sank into one of the shabby leather chairs -> the verb 'sank' shows how at home Lily really is with this kind of surroundings, how the shabby whilst not fashionable or expensive, is comfortable. From this we and the the pile of letters we get an image of a a slightly disorderly but well-lived in home. This is one of the tragedies where we see the possibility of what her future with Selden could look like where it is unconventional but Lily is comfortable at home even with it.

"How delicious to have a place like this all to oneself! What a miserable thing it is to be a woman," -> I love Lily's exaggerated turns of phrases like 'delicious' and the exclamations; I think Wharton's emphasis on these exaggerations is to capture Lily's innocence through her speech by making it similar to that of a child who is easily excitable.

Again with the exaggeration but this time with 'miserable', we get the sense that Lily has found the world difficult as a woman to live in but miserable seems too strong of a word, certainly at this stage in the book and is sort of hidden within her other hyperbolised expressions. Maybe this creates a kind of cry-wolf situation where, when Lily properly starts to struggle, people don't take notice not only because it wasn't the done thing to do to talk about struggles but also because of her melodramatic personality, everyone thought the same stuff was happening as it had before and Lily was making a big fuss over nothing.

There is repetition of 'miserable' in association to being of female sex further down the page which is another example of Lily's melodrama. But at this point we as a modern audience start to question if she is actually alright (or at least I did). I'm not sure if a contempary audience if the time would have given the strict taboo over discussing any kind of struggle financial/physical health etc. let alone the discussion of mental health. From the impression I get of the time, the only real source of outlet for people struggling with mental health beyond self medication was art, which makes me wonder as to the position Wharton is writing this from.

she leaned back in a luxury of discontent -> The juxtaposition of 'luxury' and 'discontent' raises an important theme that wealth does not equate happiness and that Lily is not happy as a socialite but happy in the company of Selden, and that actually money is the source of Lily's unhappiness. In this specific context, she is lamenting her lack of freedom to live the lifestyle that Selden does.

"Even women," he said "Have been know to enjoy the privaledges of a flat." -> Putting the discourse marker directly after the subject of 'women' breaks it apart from the rest of the sentence and emphasises the extraordinariness of women being able to live independently. But it also raises the possibility of it and suggests that Selden thinks Lily is extraordinary and unconventional enough to achieve the possibility if she chose to.

"Oh governesses– or widows. But not girls– not poor, miserable, marriageable girls!" -> Again we have the breakdown of womanhood into distinct classes like governess, widows, and girls,which creates the idea that there's no intersections between any of them and is a reflection of of societies fixation for categorisation which loses sight the complexity of situations and problems. And it also makes it easier to place social stigmas like those on governesses and widows. Those stigmas are made apparent here but in contrast to how Lily describes girls, being a governess or a widow seems desirable.

In the list of adjectives 'poor, miserable, marriageable', marriageable is equated to these other adjectives and we see that Lily associates marriage with a poverty of kind, of the heart.

It's also interesting that Lily talks about herself as a girl where Selden speaks of her as a woman. Lily plays up her innocence as she has probably been taught to to make desirable marital match, but with that Lily carries around an air of immaturity and naïvity; she's still very child-like. Perhaps that's a part of her that's trying to cling to her youth so she doesn't have to face her future where she will need to marry to survive. Lily sees her adulthood as a constraint on her and her desires whereas Selden sees her potential.

"you mean Gerty Farish," she smiled a little unkindly. "But I said marriageable–" -> Okay so definitely a little tone deaf on Lily's part buts she's honest to a fault and her honesty is refreshing and entertaining.

I'm no expect on autism and don't claim to be but there's something about Lily's mannerisms here that reminds me of people who I know and am very close with who are autistic. And it makes me wonder if Lily was autistic and neurodivergence was recognised in her time if her fate would have been any different.

"Her cook does the washing and her food tastes if soup. I should hate that you know." -> I just love the imagery of the first sentence, it strikes my funnybone. I guess it also illustrates that Lily's privileged upbringing if she thinks this is a bad situation to live in.

Okay I'm going to bring in a bit of a technical term to describe the verb 'should'. So it's a modal verb (expressing possibility based on context) but specifically a deontic modal verbal, meaning that Lily's hate depends on social rules. When she says she should hate it it implies that society wants her to hate it but she wouldn't necessarily hate it. That's what that verb phrase implies in today's english, but language has changed since the time it was written so it may not have been written with this meaning, especially as a signifier of an older text is the use of modal verbs in places we wouldn't today and a lot more of them.

The shift from Selden's reflections to the quick dialogue and short simple sentences of action creates a lively and charged atmosphere that feels almost flirtatious in its rhythm but by the nature of the content is more domestic (preparing afternoon tea). The balanced turn taking feels comfortable in that they both have equal power in the conversation, being allowed to say what they want to and being listened to. It goes towards simulating what a possible future could be and also shows how happy they are in this moment.

[hotchley]

i saw your reblog of the Spencer giving Aaron a father's day card thing and i can't stop thinking about how Aaron is the father figure to the entire team now.

(yes I'm also especially thinking about that one scene of Spencer and Derek stuck in the malfunctioning lift shrieking for Aaron just because. 🥴 dad!Hotch ftw!!!!!)

i know this concept has probably been done hundreds of times already but imagine: (SORRY THIS IS GOING TO BE A REALLY LONG ASK, I deeply apologise in advance)

[tw food/eating habits, some references to murder cases because you know this is Criminal Minds, some slight spoilers for people who haven't really watched the show and also reference & mention of autism & a character on the autism spectrum -> just a heads up, a disclaimer, I'm in no way diagnosed with autism, so if i have misrepresented autism, or made any mistakes, i apologise, it wasn't my intention, and i welcome all feedback & criticism — i genuinely want to learn]

a year after Spencer joins the BAU, Aaron notices & becomes very concerned over Spencer's (super bad) eating habits aka him only drinking coffee and forgetting to eat actual proper food when he gets absorbed in cases or research or reading etc -> which results in Aaron absolutely being like "hey Spencer let's grab lunch together" almost everyday just so Spencer eats (healthy, full meals)

(also Spencer picking up on this after Aaron "casually" gets him lunch/treats him to dinner/invites him over for meals for almost every day of the week and he was initially almost irritated/offended until he realised he could use Aaron's habit to make Aaron himself eat properly too because this hypocritical bastard doesn't eat properly himself either so every alternate day you can see Spencer purposely not going for lunch breaks while sneaking glances at Aaron's office just waiting for him to notice and drag them both to lunch together 😌)

also I really think Spencer is on the autistic spectrum (high functioning, imo, but I'm not really sure how this works, and I'd have to do more research) so I'd like to imagine Aaron knows that too because he's noticed Spencer's behaviors + Spencer got an official diagnosis and told him about it maybe 6-7 months into joining the BAU so I really think Aaron lets Spencer stim (physically, his hand gestures) on their lunch break because he knows that Spencer can't really do that in front of the others, so even when they're on cases, he would take Spencer out either for a private lunch or dinner or something, just the two of them, and he'd let Spencer stim & talk about any subject of his fancy as much as he wants to (I'm pretty sure someone wrote a fic like this and I absolutely can't remember the name or the author but I really LOVED the idea too)

initially Spencer was really taken aback too, because you know, this isn't something you do with your boss, of all people, but Hotch had always meant what he says and his facial expression and body language suggested that he was being absolutely sincere and serious about this, so Spencer tentatively started talking, and as their meal progressed, he eventually got comfortable enough to just go on, and not once did Aaron cut him off rudely, until the end of their meal, when Aaron couldn't continue to pretend to drink his soup because he'd finished it somehow with those incredibly small spoonfuls, and he'd had to gently tell Spencer that they had to go back, but Spencer wasn't upset, because he'd just got over an hour to talk about this recent seminar about the connection of ancient Greek mythology to the developments of the society in ancient Greece which no one had ever done for him before and he's full, satisfied and beyond elated because Hotch really didn't have to do this, but he did anyways

at first it was just something between them but eventually Derek noticed & like in the end I think it's a kind of open secret between Aaron, Spencer & Derek and now when Derek notices Aaron doing it he gives Aaron a small nod and he wards off & deals with the questions that the others have when they inevitably notices the private meals Aaron & Spencer has

speaking of Derek, Aaron definitely has 1 on 1 time with Derek too, but doing different things. Derek's thing is sports & home renovations, and he repairs/maintains cars & bikes when he can, and I like to imagine Aaron knowing about his hobbies and casually asking Derek about the home renovation he's working on one time (before or early S1) Derek came into his office to submit a case file, and Derek being kind of shocked/caught by surprised initially (because he knows Hotch has a soft spot for the kid because he's much younger and much, much more inexperienced but Derek's older and should know better, so Hotch won't do the whole private lunch thing with him, right?) but then he grins and starts telling Aaron about how "I got that place absolutely shining right now, man" and then he invites Aaron over to take a look at the place out of courtesy/habit (his mama raised him as a good, polite young man, and no way Hotch would even say yes right?) and to his surprise once again, Aaron does accept his invitation

after that one time, Aaron begins casually asking him about his projects and even starts offering to help him do some of the painting and decorating (to be fair, it calms Aaron too, to have a getaway from Haley and initially from the crying baby, because while he absolutely loved Haley and Jack with all his heart, some days, some days he just couldn't take it, all the stress from Strauss and from trying to be a good father unlike his own, and he had to take some time off to himself, and painting walls is calming and therapeutic to him in some sense) & Derek and Aaron start bonding over hotdogs while sitting out on the front porch of some halfway remodelled house, talking about the latest sports news (they support different baseball teams but that's okay, because Derek gets to grin at Hotch and ask him to pay up when Hotch's team loses to his, and Aaron gets to raise his eyebrows with that small knowing smirk of his and ask Derek to "complete this by the next weekend, will you" when Derek's team loses to his)

when Aaron recruits Penelope, he's read her file, or what little the FBI's cyberteam got on her anyways. he knows the Black Queen's reputation, and he knows that the cyberteam really don't trust her and recommended high levels of surveillance, but the moment he saw her through the glass of the interrogation room and her resume & application on pink paper, he knew that she's not just what the file said she is. initially, she sticks to the "bureau regulated office attire" because you know, Penelope knows she's lucky, she should've been jailed for what she did, she was jailed, until this Aaron Hotchner guy decided, somehow, that she was deserving to be on his team, even after looking at her resume, which she had written on pink paper out of pure spite (because nothing in the FBI rulebooks said anything about submitting your application on specialized coloured paper anyways) but she was moody and unhappy because she's stuck in this tiny office having to answer the phone whenever agents called to ask for details on icky, gruesome murders and disgusting, vile murderers so she decides that hey, since no one ever comes in here anyways, she might as well do some re-decorating right? so she starts bringing in her own soft toys and figurines and starts amassing a whole collection of soft, plushy, and colourful toys in because it's her office and if she has to deal with all these yucky stuff on a daily basis she's going to make it at least bearable to be in here

one day, some tall, stern looking guy just comes into her office with this Tupperware in his hands saying "hey, Garcia right? my wife made some extra cupcakes for the team, you want some?" and she asks "do i know you?" and he blinks, stands there for one, two seconds before- "sorry, i forgot we haven't actually met. Special Supervisory Agent Aaron Hotchner, assistant unit chief of BAU Team 1, nice to meet you," [i like to headcannon that before Boston & all, Hotch was Gideon's assistant, some kind of assistant unit chief probably, but while he wasn't yet the unit chief he was definitely taking care of most, if not all of the administration matters i.e. hiring new agents etc already because let's be real Gideon is caring & capable but really hands off sometimes (also in S1E1 Derek referred to Gideon as their Unit Chief so I assumed Hotch took over the position full time, officially somewhere between S1E1 and S1E2 or 3)]

and then Garcia's brain kind of short-circuits because holy shit this is her BOSS, aka the guy who somehow, crazily looked at her resume and decided to HIRE her and she just asked him if she knew him OH GOD ALL THOSE FIGURINES- and she tries to explain because she really didn't mean to break any rules with them and they aren't, are they? and she can remove them but just, please, she can't go back to prison.

but then Agent Hotchner just goes "hey, hey, Penelope. it's fine. I understand. this is your office, and you have the right to decorate it. I'm not going to fire you over.... My Little Ponies? and uh, some unicorns?" and Penelope can't help but laugh because he genuinely looks baffled by her collection on her desk, and did he just call her Penelope?

and after that, once, after a bad case that Aaron knew affected Penelope (it involved murdered parents & their only child left orphaned and it just hit too close to home for Penelope), he stopped by a local toy shop and bought the brightest, most sparkly, most colourful thing he could find in there (it ended up being a small figurine of a princess on a small, detachable throne that could light up and play some really funky pop music. Aaron cringed internally as he brought it over to the counter, and awkwardly nodded as the cashier asked, "buying this for your daughter, sir? she's going to love it, it's the latest in a collectable series" and he pretended to not see the questioning eyebrow that Derek gave him after seeing the package) and when he presented it to Penelope when they got back, he got the biggest and most bone crushing hug ever from Penelope because "aw that's so sweet, thank you! and you got me the latest in the collection! it's limited edition!" and it just ended up becoming a tradition — Penelope always looks forward to the end of a case now, not only because that means her people are coming home, safe, in one piece (sometimes debatable but still, they're coming home, to her) but it also means that Hotch has brought her yet another tiny figurine or souvenir to add to her collection and she can't wait to see what it is, and Hotch always, always, finds the time after they've wrapped up the case, before the jet leaves, to pop by a local toy shop to get both Penelope and later, when he's older, Jack some toys or souvenir from wherever state he's in, because he wants both of them to know, that despite all the bad out there, there is still good in the world, and they should never forget that

OKAY this ask is SUPER LONG already i apologise skfjsk i have ideas for JJ & Emily but idk if you'd even wanna continue reading them... (maybe.... give me a sign and I'll send another ask and write it? 🥴)

anyways this was just something that came up and i had to write it out 🥺 sorry for spamming you, i hope you're having a great day/night ahead.

- 🌙

Hi so I'm putting everything below the cut for scrolling purposes x

He is!!

Oh my god, I love that scene. It came up in a TikTok about ships, because Person A and Person B are both very smart when they're alone, but put them together and it cancels out, and it made me laugh.

I also love Dad Hotch. Like I love him as much as I love "fighting to keep his emotions in check because he needs to be a leader, but you can tell from the slight change in tone, or the slight glaze of his eyes that he's seconds away from crying" Hotch. Which is saying something.

DON'T APOLOGISE FOR LONG ASKS!! That's what the keep reading on posts is for :))

Oh I love how much Hotch cares about Reid, and of course Reid uses it to his advantage to get Hotch to do the same, because they're similar in that way. Also, he would definitely start grinning when Hotch looks down at his empty plate like: oh. Platonic Hotchreid is everything to me, because it's these two people that have been caretakers their entire life trying to look after another person that wouldn't let anyone do that and it's just... the HOTCH ANGST POTENTIAL THAT IS SO UNTAPPED!!!

Also, not a criticism of you, but from what I've heard from people is that functioning labels are harmful and shouldn't be used because it misrepresents the situation!

I love that idea though!! And Derek being protective over them so he's just like: no, you won't interrupt them, and I will take control of the situation for a few hours AAH!!

OH I LOVE EVERYTHING ABOUT MORGAN AND HOTCH BONDING!! It's so perfect!! I love the idea of Morgan teaching Hotch to do things, and Hotch realising how relaxing he finds it to do these things.

And because we can't have nice things: he refuses to go after Foyet breaks into his apartment because he doesn't deserve peace, but then Morgan just uses his key, drags him out, takes him to a house and presses a brush into his hand because he's not going to let his friend self destruct like this.

EVERYTHING ABOUT GARCIA!! OH MY GOD!! I need to get some work done, so I'm going to finish up there, but seriously!! Amazing!! I love the idea of Hotch getting her little figurines and stuff <33

(shameless self promo, she does the same for him in "and he will come back home" hehe)

I would love to hear the Emily and JJ ones!! I hope that's the sign you need :)

Don't apologise for spamming I was having a dull day, and I hope you have a good day too!

[afoxysunny]

Pixel as Spectra

My mind first connected him with the Peacock Miraculous because of their shared colour scheme and ended up loving the combo more and more the longer i thought about it

Pixel lived in Lazytown for as long as he can remember. Being probably the most introverted person in the friendgroup and not as excitable he still tends to feel a little removed from them though. Still he always tries his best to help out with his more or less successful inventions, giving him a bridge to connect with the others by combining the comfort he feels in the digital world and his wish to be there for his friends even when he doesn't fully understand them.

Because for most of this design i went with "he'd think this is cool so let's do this" i didn't have a ton of references this time around

With almost all of these designs I'd tweak them a little bit if only i knew what bothered me and how to do better but, man, am I thrilled with how Pixel turned out! I love him exactly as i drew him!

Design Notes:

Colours - so many of them. The only thing that I was initially not 100% sold on was the sheer amount of colours in this design but damn it really grew on me. The peacock Kwami Duusu and Pixel (puppet design) share two main colours, Dark blue and white so those were a must. But then i also had Duusu's pink that had to stay and Pixel also has light blue and orange. I feated it would be too much but peacocks are damn coloirful and beautiful so it worked out after all

Orange + green hair - and of cause i had to add another colour: green. I knew i really wanted to keep his dark skin from the tv show but god i love the green hair he has in Glanni Glæpur í Latabæ so much! I couldn't help myself. I also kept that cool crown like part his visor has on the puppet design as it, together with the mask shape resemble the natural peacock's face pattern very well

Cape/Top thing - i just googled "men cape fashion" or something like that and didn't expect too much but when i saw that pic i knew exactly that this and only this had to be included. I'm kinda obsessed with it and i want one! So Pixel gets to live this dream for me. Being an extreme introvert a cape like this to quote unquote hide and protect part of himself behind suits him so well in my opinion

The fan - the weapon for this Miraculous is a fan and Pixel is a video game nerd so naturally he's very excited about this super aesthetic weapon. As far as i remember he's left handed in the show (i think i remember him using the mouse of his computer with his left hand?) but i already put the cape and Miraculous Brooch on hif left so the fan gets fixed to his arm. Like this it doesn't really matter that his right hand isn't as proficient as the other would be and he can be dramatic and open the fan like a bird spreading his wings if he feels like it

Miraculous Brooch - the Peacock Miraculous grants the power of Emotion, symbolizing this, i put the brooch directly on his heart. Not only to be easily protected with his cape but also to show where his powers come from

Feathers - in the show Miraculous Ladybug the peacock is one of the corrupted ones and the white feathers turn dark purple when charged to use. With Pixel they gain orange strands in them to look just a little bit like they are glowing and also sunshine

Reasoning:

Duusu, while also corrupted in canon like Nooroo, seems not as bothered by that. Firstly because he appears a little dense and playful in the few times we see him but also because the user isn't doing evil because she lost her way. No, Mayura is still using the Peacock's power as intended to help another miraculous holder.

But more than that this is about Pixel. I don't remember where exactly but i read on multiple occasions that he has a form of autism. While I'm not the most knowledgeable person at this topic and I'd love someone to enlighten me more about it i did understand that this manifests strongly in each depiction of him with being very introverted and only able to understand and properly communicate with others via help from what he's most comfortable with. This is precisely why i believe the power given to him by Duusu, to sense others emotions, would be an incredibly valuable help for him. While simultaneously not getting crushed by the constant stream of feelings around him like someone as emphatically sensitive as Sportacus who must struggle a lot with getting that same power from Nooroo. Furthermore the power to give form to someone's strongest emotion matches perfectly with his usual role of building gadgets to help other!

Story:

I already slipped into this very heavily in the reasoning section so sorry if i repeat myself bit I'll try my best not to

First up, I'm absolute Trash for Pixel x Jives so that means, spoiler alert, most of what i have thought up for either of them is related to their journey from best friends to boyfriends

But i think a "lovestory" where that's the only defining feature of both characters sucks so I'll go into detail with characters a little more here

The Peacock Miraculous is meant to be used pretty defensively as him losing his strength would also mean the Amok, the powerful creatures he creates out of people's emotions, would disappear with him transforming back. Also he'd need to stay back for a good overview of the situation to make a better judgment, i definitely think he's the perfect fit for this role but besides that he wouldn't enjoy just that. If video games taught him anything then that standing back and watching others fight is not what a hero should do. His set of powers and given weapon may not lend themselves as easily to physical combat as the others but that doesn't mean he won't try. And fail. Obviously he'd beat himself up over this a lot and end up training way more on his own than the others.

You see, after Lucky Bug and Pitch Serval have a good long talk with the Guardians of the Miracle Box they get the job to pick up their friends and help them choose a Miraculous for each if and when they trust them enough to fight alongside them. After that they train as a group to master their new powers but Pixel also trains on his own as directly fighting isn't really something he's meant to do with his powers so it's not included in their training sessions. The only one who joins him, finding out kinda on accident is his best friend Jives, who gladly helps him of cause

Name:

I knew from the start off that i want to give him a name relating to colour and computer. Thankfully my sis is a lot wiser with both those topics and gave me a few options. One of them was Spectrum and, god, it just clicked with that one! Not only did i always headcanon him as bisexual, one spectrum he's on but also there is the autism spectrum and just colours in generl, three specrta for him so the name was the most obvious and best fitting i could pick

Thank you so much for your attention! I hope this was relatively understandable, my rambles can get a bit hard to follow and i was very excited to share this one so let me know if i ended up confusing you more than explaining anything. Thanks again

[raygothops]

12/17/21

Here we go again (I think the song is animals by neon trees - autistic brains are truly special).

Ah the first post since being officially diagnosed with autism, but not my first autistic post cause I've been on the spectrum the entire time lol Anna says I can come off of it possibly in the future and says she has extensive experience with neurodivergent kids, which I believe, but someone's autism just deactivating just seems so wild to me.

So I guess I need to do this stuff to get it off my chest but dang the fatigue feels different these days than at Wash U. The principle that I had then, that I don't want to waver on now though, is that I never slept on negative emotions. Scratch that, I have broken that rule, and maybe that's been damaging me. I only have one post since the pandemic started even though the pandemic has been the MOST challenging phase of my life by far. That's probably a failure on my part. I did go public with my struggles partially on purpose, and partially cause I forgot about this place. This is the only type of journal I'll ever have. I don't write every day, so why not use my least-visited platform as a virtual journal anyway? Only like 5 people ever will see this anyway.

It is interesting that none of my people on here have ever reached out directly about a post, but my prior are very understanding here, they're probably just allowing the virtual space to yell (even though this is to be read in my normal voice). I guess a safe space lets you release anything and that's what I do here.

I'm not mentally pressed as in my other marathon post but I'm gonna write anyway and get things out my mind. I guess I've already been practicing that with this whole social network rebuild. I hate it, but I can't confidently say it isn't helping. I'm not scared to admit it is working, but with this pandemic, is hard to interpret and weigh almost any social interaction and relationship. Or maybe that's my struggle on the spectrum.

I consider myself on the spectrum just because of how relatively mild my symptoms are but hey, regardless I got what I got. Dang I'm tired but I'll ride till I can't no more (y'all know that reference).

Girls. Kayla is still the angel across the country, and it's hard to think anyone wants to be in a romantic relationship with me, and my unusual body language doesn't help. I don't know what to make of Lexi, some days she's ready to pivot and others, she's just... Lexi. There's no one that I can picture in Miami except maybe Ranique but she almost definitely doesn't want that. Jay is interesting. She's friendly and her parents know, but she spent maybe 8 minutes cuddled with my arm at dinner with her parents two chairs away 😅 her friend who I had apparently met before, is pretty and also in Miami, but I don't know how old and not any real chemistry either. Not that I feel I deserve anyone with my on and off porn desires. Maybe if I chose Tumblr over Twitter more often, I might be doing a lot better. But that has been changing genuinely and I think God sees my heart. I'm not trying to do or support that, and I need to have a hard line with that stuff again. It's just not it. Oh there was Alexia but I'm quite sure my hug messed that up. Definitely need an Adventist girl but God is on that... I hope. It's not guaranteed by it would be tough if God had me doing this thing in the path of Mom. I need more companionship. Emphasis on need.

School is eh: these shelves are whatever, I'm over the test hype. I just want success so I can progress to changing the world and the lives of those around me. We all have phones anyway, I'm just gonna cut it there.

God, I gotta be better. It's that's simple, give me the ability to do that.

God what is 2022 gonna be? Who and what will you have for me? I hope this trip pretty much starts the year right. But it's looking to shape up like my other trips. I sincerely hope not. I want to see and hold my girls. Hugging almost feels like an understatement, I want to hold them for minutes at a time.

Love. Yeah love is just getting inside of me like weeds and the people in each phase of my life get better love than the people before, it's crazy. And the love I have for people is spiking, like the way I love Jaz and Jess is literally beyond words. I love them flatly, not even worth taking time to find adverbs, it's all of them. Val, if I see this girl, I will literally try to absorb her in my hug. I hope I get to see Ira again although I wonder if the hugs will be the same. The last time I hugged like that was drunk Alison and man I dodged that bullet. Anna is most of the reason for this trip at this point so I'm sincerely praying God gives me the chance. My heart longs to see her.

Knowing I'm on the spectrum has made a lot of things connect and changed nothing really. I just know the why now but it still seems to matter less that the what. What I do always draws attention, but my why is irrelevant most times I feel. I may have to really go from the ground up to know if I'm ever play again.

I want to be better for God and others. I want someone special. I want consistent hugs, I want to stop being my enemy. I want a good Sabbath, I want a family in the future, I want freedom for my family and Justice in the world (as much as possible).

Another quiet night in my thoughts. I think my others were better than this but I'm done. I need sleep.

[spacetimequeertinuum]

So I'm pretty sure I don't have dyslexia because I read well from a young age and I was already pretty sure I did have dyspraxia because of various reasons (my spouse and I have those symptoms taped to the kitchen wall to refer to). But. I did the music thing in middle school band, and I still count instead of add for numbers that aren't pretty and round (ie 6 + 7 = 13 because 7 + 3 = 10 and then 3 more is 13, all of which I have to visualize in my head). I'm pretty fast at it NOW but it's the same process. AND when I got my autism diagnosis part of her notes were "none of your IQ aspects are below average but your processing speed is like 30 points behind the rest of your intelligence." Which is pretty accurate to my life, but also some of that was based on those stupid sheets of basic addition and subtraction problems they give you in elementary school and how much I got done in a certain time. And I got them all right, I'm sure, but my whole process takes longer than a person who just knows.

I was homeschooled and I never learned my multiplication tables fully until high school. My mom taped a big poster to the bedroom door and made my brother and me read it daily, but I just couldn't remember the harder ones. If I'm honest, I still don't know most of the 12s off the top of my head (but 10s and 2s are easy and then you add, so who needs 12s?) and sometimes if I need to remember 7 x 7 I have to remember 7 x 5 and add two more 7s.

I've gotten 3 Cs ever in my college career. The first two were a mix of a terrible teacher and severe depression. The other was in college algebra. The only reason I passed at all was because I took Algebra I in high school (I passed both times, it was a weird complex unrelated situation). I never took Algebra II though, and college algebra is basically a mix of those. I studied hard, I did all my homework, I even asked the teacher for help and took notes on what she said. I did well in the first half, the half I'd already been exposed to. In the second half I failed one test and barely passed the final.

And now that I think about it, math was always really hard. My mom never believed it was because after many long hours of struggling and fighting and crying I would eventually understand a topic or find a way to make it work and then it was fine. I just figured I was more of a book side of things person, but maybe I should look into something.

I saw a video talking about why schools shouldn't grade or assign homework the other day (interesting video! I support a lot of what the speaker was saying!) But at one point word searches were described as obvious busywork - what's the point in teaching kids to read diagonal words, after all?

Diagnosing dyslexia. Diagnosing dyslexia. Diagnosing dyslexia.

After going through IB classes in high school, after finishing my BA while working full time, after failing algebra with the same teacher two years in a row, there is no kind of homework that has ever made me cry so hard as word searches did in the 3rd grade.

If you've got a kid who has been working on a word search for an hour and is crying and telling you "the words aren't there," if you've got a kid who never knows what the pictures are in connect-the-dots because they can't connect the dots in the correct order, if you've got a kid who can't read analog clock faces after months of being taught how to read time, if you've got a kid who retranscribes all their music class handouts as letters because they can't wrap their head around reading music, I'm begging you to get your kid tested for dyslexia/dyscalculia.

And I'm begging you to get them tested before they learn how to mask so hard that it's difficult to get an official diagnosis because if they need disability accommodations in college they're going to need a diagnosis but they're going to be so good at masking their disorder that it's going to be difficult to prove that they need accommodations. And 'well if you can get by well enough that as an adult you can pass a test designed to diagnose children you must not need help' is bullshit because those tests don't make you do algebra or learn a new character set.

[chanlyeya]

I'm a huge fan of your Black Rune fic, and Tomorrow was hilarious. You've mentioned having some original works; any chance you might be willing to share some? ^^

:OOOOOOO

OMG Nonnie! That is so sweet of you (ɲ˃ ˈ̫̮ ˂ɳ) ~ෆ I’m so glad you enjoy my little forays into self indulgent fics, but I’m even more honoured about the questions on my original works :;(∩´﹏`∩);:

As @foolish-identity can tell you, I have a looooot of them, and they are all relatively complex, so I’ll put this under a read more:

There are a few I have hidden away somewhere on my laptop, but there are five major ones I’ve been working on that are much more fleshed out then the others. And they are loooooong.

One I refer to as the “indulgence series”, as, should I ever finish it and get it published, I will separate it into seven separate books, all named after a sin—it follows the story of my boy Cadence, in a world where what are basically demons exist, and he gets taken in by a Nightwalker—what people who hunt them down are referred to as. Cadence himself doesn’t become a Nightwalker, but due to certain aspects of him, he finds himself in the centre of a huge conflict. I don’t want to go to into detail, because than I may as well write you an essay, but I’m excited about this for a couple of reasons—a) Cadence is autistic, but that is not the important part of his personality. I wanted to provide some more representation with autism, and it fits with his character; b) all the main “relationships” are inter-generational—the four main characters are each several years apart from one another, but are all close like brothers. (And by several years I mean; Cadence, who is the youngest, is 15—Breckinridge, who is the eldest, is 52); and c) Cadence is an unreliable narrator, which I adore—in fact, Noct in BR is practice for Cadence’s POV, low key revealing things the reader doesn’t even think to register ;D

The next is one I like to call Iconoclast, and is the opposite of Indulgence in that while all main characters in Indulgence are male; all main characters in Thief are female. This one is in a world where, thanks to a mutation generations ago, have people separated between the Marked and Unmarked. This one is full of superpowers and morally ambiguous choices—a Marked literally has a mark on their body (hence the very creative name), and have superpowers, though everyone has their own unique one. Due to this disparity in power, there is a huge rift between the Marked, who consider themselves “superior” and the Unmarked, who consider themselves “pure humans”. Needless to say; things get ugly. The main character is Jean—someone who is Marked but doesn’t have any powers, so she’s got the worst of both worlds (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*: ･ﾟ✧ Eventually, it’s discovered that SHE does have a power—and that is to siphon the powers of anyone she kills. It becomes a big moral debate for her, as she has the ability to save the world, but will have to kill others to do so, as some perverse form of sacrifice. I’m excited for this one for a) the socio-political exploration between the two factions; b) the all female who are each their own badass in their own way (girl power ftw!); and c) the moral ambiguity Jean will have to wade through.

Next we have one with no magic, but is more of a political intrigue; nature vs nurture type story, I like to call Tumbling Into Obscurity. It follows Nergui—who became Empire after the death of his best friend and beloved would-be Emperor; Eximius (Indie was given her name as a homage to my original works…and because I like it). Due to the way everything worked out (the emperor is chosen based on the old ottoman way—a competition until there’s only one left standing. Eximius was going to become the first emperor who got into power by convincing his opponents to drop out rather than kill anyone—Nergui was the last one in the competition, and Eximius died just before he dropped out), the general populace hates him, thinking he’s behind the death of Eximius (who was basically their messiah-like figure), he’s been distanced from his family, because he believes THEY killed him, and in general he’s just been isolated; but he still works towards fulfilling Eximius’ dreams of improving the living conditions of the regular folk and all that jazz. Then, it turns out Eximius DIDNT actually die—but what he went through in the few decades since he disappeared had completely changed him, and Nergui figures it out when he catches him attempting to assassinate him. He’s been so twisted, in fact, he doesn’t even remember BEING Eximius, and is adamant that he is Izel, an entirely different person. This one I’m looking forward to for a) political intrigue—I love that shit so much; b) the duality of Eximius and Izel—whether are not they are even the same person; and c) Nerguis own struggle over whether he is doing the right thing looking for the old Eximius in Izel, or whether it would be better to accept him as he is now. (Nergui and Eximius/Izel may or may not be a couple too—I haven’t yet decided ¯\_(ツ)_/¯)

I call the next Temerarious, but it’s really just a placeholder name. This one is a sci-fi post apocalyptic story where a highly contagious, currently untreatable disease has infected the world, which basically turns people into wendigos. Unlike most “zombie apocalypses”, the world is not overrun by them—but the entire world is basically under martial law; and the “zombies” in question are conscious of everything they do—it’s just, they get hungrier the more they eat and eventually it becomes bad enough that they would eat ANYTHING, including loved ones, to try and sate it. On top of everything, the world’s environment has gone to shit—it is uninhabitable unless you live in the “domes” they’ve created around cities and designated agriculture area—and the only way between places is underground where everything is strictly monitored to catch the strain at the smallest level—even if it does have a 73% false positive rate, at least it hasn’t had a false negative. So, as you can imagine, should one area get infected, it can spread easily enough to forsake an entire city, so all districts are built to be put in a lockdown on any moment—and if you’re not infected but on the wrong side of the walls when they go up, you’re screwed xD. There’s a group of people who, for some reason (learning why is part of the plot), don’t get the negative side effects of the disease, but they’re still carriers, so, they’ve created a society known as the Underground, and those people work as Sweepers—it is their job to head into contaminated areas and wipe out any infected there, since they’re the only ones so can come into contact and not contract the disease. The entire plot is revolving these guys and their attempts to cure this disease ^^. Why am I excited for this one? While, a) the stigma and strain of being the good guy—Sweepers risk their lives for the rest of humanity, but are shunned because they’re carriers of this disease and they can spread it just as easily as the infected; b) the relationships between the characters!—due to them being carriers, they are basically isolated from all but a select few, and the complexity of the many different aspects between their relationships in a limited space; and c) the ambiguity of the enemy. The enemy is a disease and misinformation, so it will require a different approach to solving it.

And lastly, what will be my magnum opus, I refer to as Beyond the Gates. I just…I can’t even summarize this, it’s a blend of nearly everything I love, and while I loooooooove talking about BTG, it’ll take forever to even start explaining the concept of the plot, so I’ll just skip to what I’m excited about. A) THE WORLD!—I’ve been building the world for BTG for nearly a decade now, and OMG and am I excited to write in this world as it’s so complex~; b) THE CHARACTERS: I’ve spent just as long fleshing out these characters as I have the world—the cast is HUGE, but each character is distinct and plays their role in the over arching story; and c) just….the plot. It is full of twists, intrigue, betrayal, death, identity crises, choices….GAH! Just….everything I want in a book but haven’t been able to find; I want to MAKE it!

Anyways; these are my main ones—I don’t want to go too in detail either, because I aim to actually get these published one day, and if I do, I would like for them NOT to be easily accessed online prior to their release ␟␏(ɲ˃ ˈ̫̮ ˂ɳ)␟␏ෆ

Thank you sooooooo much for the ask; I looooooooove talking about my original works and original characters! (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*: ･ﾟ✧