#because they were the most chill

[heph]

New Nightmares ⚠️

[thesummerestsolstice]

This is for my unwritten fics game, responding to @JaztheBard's ask on "The Love of a Parent."

So, this story is very firmly about Elrond and his weird parents, none of whom are supposed to be in the world any more (M&M are dead, Earendil and Elwing are forbidden from setting foot on Arda). Of course, none of this stops Elrond's parents from wanting to be involved in his life, and making sure nothing bad happens to him.

Gil-Estel always seems to appear on the dark nights when Elrond's grief catches up to him, or when he's struggling to find hope. The birds of Lindon– and later, Rivendell– often give him things, little tokens, some of which are very obviously from Valinor. Elrond doesn't sail often, but when he does, the sea always seems to welcome him, calm and gentle. The strange, unearthly songs that seem to follow him out on the water unnerve most people, but Elrond finds them comforting. He gets caught up in orc attacks a few times, in the Second and Third Ages. Somehow, he never seems to get captured, or even badly injured. Neither he nor the people he's with really understand why. All they can remember is the smell of smoke and a flash of something that could not have been fire.

The actual plot of the story, however, is Elrond deciding to try and convince his parents (or at least, whatever is left of them) to come live with him in Rivendell. This includes, but is not limited to:

Elrond chasing a wraith (spirit? ghost? living flame?) that may or may not once have been the eldest son of Feanor through the woods

Arguments with the Valar about what constitutes fair labor practices for stars

Elrond spending a bunch of time in slightly shady dock towns tracking down rumors of a "wandering spirit" who roams the beaches

More arguments with the Valar, this time about how keeping incarnate beings (especially part-humans) from the world against their will is like, maybe kind of cruel

Several people finally getting to meet their grandchildren

A surprisingly peaceful family lunch in Rivendell's welcoming halls

[xysidhequeen]

It’s getting late (for me that is) but what about Jason first meeting with the rest of the council (Frostbite, Clockwork, Pandora and etc)?

You mean: Abominable Snowman, Benjamin Button and Mommy-sorry Step On Me? (Jason's crush on Wonder Woman did in fact transfer to Pandora)

Jason generally likes all of the council, and all of the council likes him in turn because he makes Danny happy.

He met Frostbite first. Danny took him to the Far Frozen to get checked out and to be sure the Baby Ghost was healthy and stuff. Jason had been forewarned and honestly, by that point, yetis were just one of those 'yeah that tracks' moments for Jason. Jason asked Frostbite, as a joke, if he could give him a piggyback ride. Frostbite picked him up, plunked him on his shoulder and booked it. 10/10 Jason had the BEST time. Definitely his favorite doctor.

Clockwork he met next, and it basically went:

Clockwork: I see you found your knight young king.

Danny: Yeah, thanks for WARNING ME

Jason: Who the is this fucker?

Danny: imagine a grandpa given unlimited power over time but retaining the 'stay off my lawn' energy but towards the time stream.

Jason: Ah

Clockwork: Wonderful. Off you two go

He then yeeted (yote?) Them through a portal because a member of the Flash Fam had severely fucked the timestream doing speedster shit. Luckily CW had smashed a hat on Jason's head first and he was in human form so the Flash fam member didn't recognize him. They were a bit too occupied with Danny yelling at them for fucking up and ripping them out of the speed force. The Flash fam member bought them lunch. (This was not the first or last time CW sent Danny to deal with the Flashes. They knew of him, and were all more than a little frightened of Danny. They think he's like. A speedforce demon or something. Theyre glad he eats burgers and not their souls) it was fun, even if they were stuck in the 40s for a bit until they cleaned everything up and got the Flash fam member back in the proper timeline. (You can imagine this as any of the Flash fam)

Jason met Pandora when she came to spar with Danny. And he just. Instant puppy crush. He watched this Amazonian woman beat the snot out of Danny and it was the best day of his life. If Fright Knight hadn't already claimed him as a protégé he would've been begging Pandora to train him. She thinks Jason is cute and is always happy to spar with him when she's around.

[jtl-fics]

Fluent Freshman - 41

PREV

Two and a half hours into the Banquet and FF had not moved from the chair he had sat in at the start of the banquet. He hadn’t gotten up for water. Hadn’t gotten up to go to the bathroom. Hadn’t gotten up to dance despite Nicky’s pleading. He hadn’t even gotten up when a Raven had come over and asked him to.

He was not leaving his seat.

The stadium could be on fire and he’d still try to be the last one out.

Until there was a time where he could slide out of this chair without a single eye on him and put on his winter jacket without it seeming strange he was going to remain seated.

The answer on why was under his precisely placed napkin.

It had all begun about an hour and fifteen minutes ago, not that FF was counting. Dinner had been wrapping up and people had started to get up and jostle about. Flirtations were flying across the table and generally over FF’s head. The team had been smiling, there’d been laughter, and it had seemed unlikely for anything to go wrong.

He relaxed and that’s where he made a mistake.

FF could not eat the meal served. He’d had his liquid dinner on the way over on the bus so it didn’t bother him much to have a decent looking meal in front of him and not being able to eat it. He wasn’t going to eat so he hadn’t even unwrapped his cutlery, wanting to save the clean up crew from at least his set of utensils. He hadn’t placed the napkin over his lap to protect himself, what danger could there possibly be when he was not going to be eating?

The danger came when a Trojan smacked the table hard as he laughed at something that he had taken as a joke but, knowing Kevin, was probably a serious suggestion.

Hit the table hard enough to jostle FF’s plate.

Hit the table hard enough to jostle FF’s plate and more specifically a meatball that was with the pasta served with the beef tenderloin.

Hit the table hard enough to jostle FF’s plate and more specifically a meatball that was with the pasta served with the beef tenderloin so that it fell off of his plate and onto his lap.

Fell right onto his unprotected lap.

FF had looked down at his gray pants now irreversibly blemished by the errant meatball. His mind flashing back to when Nicky had decided on these pants. Remembers how Nicky hadn’t wanted him to vanish in the lower lighting of the banquet.

FF had grabbed his cutlery and put the napkin over his lap, far too late to save his pants, but fast enough that no one would see that he had spaghetti pants.

After that the trajectory of his evening had changed dramatically.

He was going to sit here all night until they were getting into the bus and then he’d have his winter jacket on and it was a long jacket that would cover his mark of shame. You might think that FF could just slip under the radar and go try and clean off the stain or at least hide somewhere less conspicuous.

He would, he really would, except he can feel the eyes of Captain Jeremy on him regardless of how low his presence is. FF entered into Ultra Stealth but Captain Jeremy merely turned to him and asked a friendly question that had Nicky startle remembering that FF was next to him still. 

Captain Jeremy has x-ray vision and can see the wall behind the wallpaper. Captain Jeremy can see colors that mantis shrimp can only dream of. Captain Jeremy is standing in some secret government office pointing on the radar as CIA and Military officials look on going “What are you talking about he’s right here?” with a smile.

Captain Jeremy was the kid that ate all the cheap fruit on a dessert table before he looked at the cake when he was a kid.

It’s the first time in his entire life that he’d been completely unable to slip below someone’s attention and if it were any other time he might feel good about that. Might enjoy the idea of being seen and having the attention of someone like Captain Jeremy on him.

Except FF has Spaghetti Pants.

FF cannot escape the man’s determination to ‘make it up’ to him after Aaron had let slip that FF had a restraining order against one of his brothers.

FF insisted that it was okay.

Captain Jeremy insisted on making sure he had a good time.

FF insisted that a good time for him would be to sit at this table all night by himself. He kept to himself that what would really make it would be for him to sit without anyone around to notice he had spaghetti pants.

Captain Jeremy seemed to think that it was due to the still healing stomach injury and insisted on at least keeping him company then, unaware of the unvoiced second part.

So Captain Jeremy of the USC Trojans had declared himself FF’s banquet buddy. A man that was friends or at least friendly with almost every single player here at the banquet.

He looks around the banquet and sees the various tense standoffs at the other tables. These were men and women who would find even the smallest thing and never let you forget it.

He doesn’t know what he’d do if they realize he had spaghetti pants.

How does one recover on the court when the person you’re up against can remember the cold December evening that you dumped a meatball on your pants? He can already hear the jeering nicknames.

He wants to sink into his seat but he’s afraid to shift at all, worried he’ll dislodge the napkin in some way and the newest person coming up to say ‘Hi’ to Jeremy Knox will notice the marinara stain on his pants.

While Jeremy was distracted he did try to wet Nicky’s disposed of napkin to perhaps clean himself off a bit except before he could a Raven came up to him, “Come with me.” a large Raven Backliner says, jerking his head towards the bathrooms.

“No thank you.” FF answers in return, “I don’t need to do that.” he says assuming that the Backliner had seen him shift in his seat and assume he needed to use the restroom.

The Raven Backliner stood for a few moments as if waiting for him to change his mind but then Captain Jeremy’s attention snapped back, “Can we help you with something?” Captain Jeremy asks and his friendly demeanor had vanished.

“I-” The Raven Backliner started to say before seemingly deciding that it wasn’t worth it and walked away.

Captain Jeremy and him continued to talk. They had somehow fallen onto the SAW movie franchise and FF could admit that he was surprised that the Trojan Captain had watched the series.

“You need to come with me.” A Raven Striker says coming up and interrupting the two of them as they talked about the ethics of SAW. FF believed that it was all well and good to learn to appreciate life but there had to be simpler ways to go about teaching that. Jeremy didn’t disagree, he just also thought that sometimes there were some people who Jigsaw never intended to redeem and those people may have deserved their fates.

FF tilts his head, “Do I?” he asks since it didn’t seem like the ERC had made any sort of announcement and she seems utterly and completely perplexed by his response.

The girl looks at him, looks over her shoulder, looks back at him, “Yes?” she responds sounding so unsure that even FF wouldn’t believe her.

“I don’t think he does.” Captain Jeremy interrupts gaze utterly cooled from the warm one he had been giving FF throughout their philosophical debate.

The Raven Striker looks cowed and FF almost feels bad for her but not bad enough to console her when he has spaghetti pants.

She leaves.

FF and Captain Jeremy’s conversation shifts to winter break plans. Captain Jeremy is going home to his family and he’s taking Jean Moreau with him. “I think my mom likes him more than she likes me sometimes.” Jeremy laughs heartily. “He deserves nice holidays though so I’m always happy to bring him up.” he says voice and features going soft as he looks to where Jean Moreau was standing with a raised eyebrow next to Andrew as Kevin and Neil were having some animated conversation.

FF talks about his own plans with the Foxes and how he’ll be spending the break with them. He thinks Captain Jeremy looks a little sad about that but whatever sadness there is Captain Jeremy moves past it quickly and starts to ask if he had plans to go anywhere specific in New York. He heartily recommends the LEGO store when FF says he’s never been.

“Someone important wishes to speak with you.” An Offensive Dealer from the Ravens says and he looks like he’s about to shake apart as he stands in front of them.

“Who?” He asks, tilting his head and sipping his water.

The Dealer looks at him.

“Is it that hard of a question to answer?” Captain Jeremy asks voice stern once again.

“He’s…Master is-” The Dealer goes paler and Smith can’t help but pull out his handkerchief from his front suit pocket as he sees the Dealer break out into a cold sweat.

“You don’t look well, maybe you should sit down?” he asks with his handkerchief extended in offer. The man looks at him and then the handkerchief and then takes it. “Thank you.” he says 

“Wow a handkerchief? My pocket square is just a fake one sewed in.” Captain Jeremy laughs jovial once again as the Raven took a seat shakily.

“It’s something my dad used to always say.” Smith thinks about the additional handkerchiefs in his pockets. “A gentleman always has a handkerchief on hand to help.” He pulls out a second one, “A real gentleman has two.” he adds and folds the new handkerchief into shape for the pocket square again.

Captain Jeremy laughs, “Sounds like a great guy! He must be happy you took his advice to heart.” he says and it doesn’t hurt that bad when Captain Jeremy is saying it since he’s saying something so nice.

“I hope so.” he agrees and doesn’t feel like ruining the mood.

Captain Jeremy turns his attention back onto the Raven who has taken a seat and his eyes soften on the Raven, “Wow you really are pale. Not a lot of sunlight in the Nest?” he asks.

The Dealer swallows, now visibly the most nervous person at the table which is saying something considering that FF is at the table.”I-I’m just pale naturally.” he denies.

“Sit and talk with us until you feel better.” Captain Jeremy insists, “What’s your name by the way?” he asks.

“Michael.” He answers awkwardly.

“Great, my name is Jeremy,” Captain Jeremy points at himself, “and this is Smith. So, have you ever been to New York City before?” he asks

Captain Jeremy, FF, and Michael chat at length about Michael’s New York pizza recommendations. Captain Jeremy asks about some of the places he has been in New York and the longer Michael is there chatting the more color comes to his face and the more vehement he becomes that Captain Jeremy managed to pick all the worst places by accident.

“You’re kidding me! It was 10 bucks a slice, it has to be good!” Captain Jeremy exclaims looking as if Michael was telling him Santa and the Easter Bunny weren’t real.

“If you’re paying more than $2.50 it’s a rip.” Michael insists passionately. “If it’s more expensive than the subway ticket then it’s a racket!” he slams his fist down at the table.

“You mean to tell me that I was lied to by that person I followed on Twitter?” Captain Jeremy asks, appalled.

“Swindled.” Michael insists.

“Christ, I’ve given that recommendation to so many people.” Captain Jeremy and while gesturing he puts his elbow in his own remaining spaghetti, “Oh shit.” he says. Smith looks at the black suit jacket and thinks about a future one step to the left where he had on black pants and a black suit jacket.

“I’m sure it’s good.” FF tries to comfort offering Jeremy his third handkerchief, this one from his left pocket since the one in his breast pocket was a specific color for the ‘look’ that Nicky had wanted. “It’s just not representative of a New York slice,” he adds.

“Thanks Smith.” Captain Jeremy takes the handkerchief wetting it with the glass of water nearby and wiping away the excess of marinara and spaghetti. “I’m going to go wash this off and try to dry it for you.” he says holding the handkerchief up.

“You don’t have to do that.” FF says but Jeremy is waving him off as he stands.

“Sit tight, I’ll be right back.” he says and heads off.

FF turns to Michael, “So I shouldn’t trust anything more than $2.50?” he asks.

Michael shakes his head and turns to look at FF, “Absolutely not.” he says with a smile before FF can see his eyes flick away and he stiffens. “Hey, it’s…” he looks down and the handkerchief, “it’s been nice chatting with you but… is there anyway we can take this conversation somewhere else?” he asks.

FF blinks, “No, I’m not getting up until the party is over.” Smith declines because by this point the stain has set. There is no stealthily cleaning it now that Captain Jeremy has left.

“So, you’ll get up once the banquet is over?” Michael asks leaning across the table and as he does that Smith can see a fairly ugly bruise on the Dealer’s forehead.

“I’ll have to won’t I?” he asks because despite the not-zero possibility that he’ll get left behind by the team again. His gaze shifts to Nicky who is leaning heavily against Matt as the two sway back and forth dancing and laughing. Probably about 50/50 at this point, depending on how quickly FF can make his way out of the stadium.

Michael looks at him and there’s something in his eyes that feels saddened, “Yeah, I guess that’s true.” he says before rising to his feet. “Thank you for this.” he says and hands the handkerchief back. FF can’t help but notice how there was a schmear of make-up on it.

The Dealer walks off and FF waves him off with the handkerchief before sliding it back into his right pocket, where he kept dirty handkerchiefs. He lets his eyes wander across the banquet. He sees Aaron and Katelyn slow dancing to a song that is not a slow dance. He sees Kevin and Jean now in the middle of a passionate conversation. Jack is pouting by the punch bowl with a few other Sophomores patting him on the back. Sheena is seemingly trying to flirt with the older bartender. Nicky and Matt have somehow only gotten sloppier in the 2 minutes between when he last looked at them and now. Captain Neil and Andrew are at the dessert table and he sees Andrew offering Captain Neil a chocolate covered strawberry. He sees a gaggle of his fellow freshmen huddled together all sipping their drinks nervously he moves to wave them over back to the table. Threat of the reveal of his spaghetti pants aside he’s not used to be alone anym-

“What the fuck did you just say?!” He hears behind him.

“I said what I said. She wasn’t even that hot! Get over it!” Another mocking voice.

“That’s it!” the sound of glass shattering and all hell breaks loose.

MASTERPOST FOR ALL PARTS OF FLUENT FRESHMAN AU

NEXT

[thedreadvampy]

sometimes I forget that my experience has been. um. not 'your experiences are not universal' vibes but more like 'your experiences are EXTREMELY atypical'

[moonchild-in-blue]

Random thought I had last night. Genuinely think they're both equally outlandish - which is just ridiculous in itself if you think about it.

[ratatatastic]

AFTER 11 LONG MONTHS OF WAITING. ITS FINALLY HIS CHANCE. LADIES AND GENTLEMEN. MIKKSY TAKING A SHIFT ON THE PP.

carolina hurricanes @ florida panthers | 9.28.24

[gingermintpepper]

Day 5: Orpheus

Interpretation notes and trivia under the cut!

Orfeu meu amor <333 Honestly this could be my longest ever set of notes or the shortest because unlike literally any of the other Apollonian figures in this, I have never once had to waver from what I wanted with Orpheus and that's an Orpheus without Eurydice. I know that sounds kind of strange, Orpheus and Eurydice have always been completely synonymous with each other but like, Orpheus is kind of completely batshit as a concept and I'm tired of pretending the most interesting thing about him is his love life?? His love life is cool, don't get me wrong, but we, collectively, as a group of people don't pay nearly enough attention to the fact that Orpheus was singer and musician so gifted that he made trees and rocks bow to him and he could stir even the gods to grieve from his songs. This is the guy who's song was so beautiful that not only did he outsing the Sirens, they also killed themselves upon hearing his song?? This is the man that was pulled apart but his head just?? Kept on singing??? So the Muses just???? Added his perpetually singing decapitated head to their choir??? There are depictions of Apollo using said decapitated head to help him teach people???? And we're gonna focus on him trying to get his dead wife back?????? Really?? Miss me with that nonsense, Orpheus is the witchest witch to ever witch and if no one else is gonna make him the disgustingly powerful bard he was in myth then I guess I'll have to do it myself. His femme appearance is mostly inspired by the highly ornamental raiment of kithara players and he consistently has some of the fanciest clothes of the cast apocalyptic hellscape be damned.

Some assorted trivia:

Son of Apollo and Calliope - was accidentally conceived during the period when Artemis had forbid Apollo from fraternising with mortal creatures in penance for him orchestrating Orion's death and so Calliope and the other Muses hid him away in the court of King Oeagrus. Didn't know Apollo was actually his father until quite a bit later.

Not a demigod as that would imply he's half human. Orpheus isn't exactly mortal either but he certainly cannot be harmed by most normal methods. There's no formal name for something half god, half muse and not deathless so Orpheus prefers to identify as the Son of a Muse rather identifying strongly as something strictly divine.

Older than Heracles! One of Apollo's oldest children still kicking about, actually, but he's treated like the youngest due to how fragile he'd been after Eurydice's death. Is generally better now than he used to be, but still tends to have depressive episodes every now and again.

Horrifyingly powerful. Orpheus' words are so potent that he does his best to not speak at all for fear of influencing the people around him accidentally. Has the uncanny ability to transmit his own feelings through his songs which can be both fantastic and awful. The Twelve had Apollo put a seal on his tongue when he was grieving so his song would stop completely disrupting the world. The seal's since been removed as Orpheus has had a lot of help working through his feelings. Now he paints whenever he thinks about Eurydice which is much more productive for everyone involved.

Argonaut, storied traveller, speaker of many languages, healer, teacher and storyteller. Teaches occasionally at the Parnassus Institute for Gifted Children and tends to be a favoured teacher whenever he drops by. Is responsible for a lot of very important people knowing some form signed or gestured language.

Has no set 'home' and wanders from temple to temple, sanctuary to sanctuary. His worldly belongings like his clothes and old paintings are currently with Asclepius and his family. Apollo has some of his stuff as well, but they're mostly special instruments like the holy lyre he used on his journey on the Argo.

Never keeps any money on him and is usually fed and clothed by the townspeople wherever he goes. Hasn't had to actually pay for something in decades. Has absolutely no concept of money because he'd forgotten it's a thing people need day to day.

Had a brief fling with Heracles while he was still mortal and the two remain on good terms even now. Heracles tends to visit him every now and again for a stint in some springs and good music.

Favourite colour is maple orange, favourite food is roasted pheasant with rosemary and thyme. Allergic to specifically pale yellow mead but is fine with raw honey and honeycomb. Aristaeus has been trying to figure out what causes his reactions for years now.

[valewritessss]

Every time someone says they hate Annabeth and Percabeth in the sense that they think they’re toxic, I have to start guessing if they ship Pernico, Percy x Apollo, and it pains me to say because I know people get mad but Perachel.

[slavetomyheadcanon]

Sometimes the best way to learn a raid is to clown around repeatedly

[benevolenterrancy]

So, despite forgetting your pen, how did the movies go? Were they great?

They WERE great! I've never seen any of the Planet of the Apes films before, so a group of us decided to try to watch them all. I managed to watch the entire original five and the first of the reboots before I gave up and I was genuinely shocked by how much I liked them?

I went in expecting not to be that into it (hence trying to bring my pen tablet) but I was actually engrossed the whole time. Well, besides for the reboot, that felt like Generic Action Movie #8, but the five originals? An absolute blast! They basically changed genres every single movie which is the coolest thing for a long franchise, it kept it really fresh! Classic Camp Scifi > Post-Apocalyptic Nuclear Age > Sitcom > Grunge Rebellion > Community Building Survival

(my favourite was the third because i didn't expect to get Time-Traveling Chimpanzees From Outer Space: The Sitcom and honestly it was the best thing i have ever seen)

[todayisafridaynight]

what makes minedai even sadder is that we never rlly see daigo try to build a bond with anyone else like he did with mine it rlly shows how badly it effected him like yeah he reached out to shinada in y5 but that’s rlly it and he probably would wanna leave him alone after that and not involve him in any yakuza stuff so i don’t think they would’ve hung out or anything like that afterwards. All he rlly had were saejima and majima but they were more like babysitters than anything, wish we saw more of their dynamic tho like we did with majima and daigo in dead souls since that was fun and we were lowkey robbed but in canon he’s just as lonely as he was before majimas promise to kiryu. And mine is the only person he really had a meaningful relationship with romantic or not they were still really close and we don’t see that again with daigo ever (from what i recall after y3) ok sorry for rambling LMFAO

even with shinada, he reached out to him more so out of 'duty' and trying to make up for the misfortune that befell him because of yakuza than wanting to rekindle any kind of friendship they might have had in high school (though it sounds more like they were just acquaintances if shinada needing a second to remember who daigo was is anything), so yah i doubt they really had any kind of bond afterwards

dead souls really was the only time after Y3 where we got to see daigo be more sociable with someone, but its as you say majima and saejima are more like retainers than close friends

[tea-time-terrier]

A fairly accurate account of time spent in the park.

Two seconds of fetch and twelve minutes of rolling around.

[smile-files]

i don't know if ralsei is a transfem or transmasc i just know he is trans

[silvantransthranduiltrash]

Lasgen having to make small talk with the visiting elves from imlardis.

Lasgen: Sooooo, how’s Maglor doing these says?

Visiting Glorfindel: he’s good, he’s stopped wailing about his woes for the most part.

Lasgen: really? Man that’s great. It’s about time he got over it.

Visiting Glorfindel: yeah, except for the fact that he COMMITED 4 MASSACRES!

Lasgen: *looking anywhere except at Glorfindel* uuuh, pfft, i mean who hasn’t went insane with rage and gone on a killing spree at some point so you know you take what you can get man c’mon-

[screambirdscreaming]

Much could be said interrogating the concept of "gifted kid burnout" or "smart kid syndrome" or whatever you call it, and much of it's been said better than I can

But what gets to me about it sometimes is that.... I feel like people have described a reasonable concept and then related themselves to it backwards. Or taken a real problem and constructed their concept of it backwards.

Like yeah, it does kind of fuck a person up to be highly rewarded in this extremely arbitrary constructed environment, which incidentally is where you spend most of your waking hours, while being told that it's all deeply related to your excellence and worth as a person. And then when you leave that constructed environment, you fall apart and fail to function in all sorts of ways, because you've built your skills to so completely rely on that environment (while being told this is the best most excellent thing you could do and the best most valuable way to be).

And it basically leaves a person with several options:

1) cling tighter to the structure that validates you. Dedicate yourself to reaffirming that the structure itself is meaningful to reinforce it's ability to impart meaning back to you. Spend your whole life running from failure.

2) realize that you can't keep up with the demands, but construct this as either a personal failing or a failing of the system to train you well enough. Keep seeking sources of validation to replace the hole in your sense of self-worth where being special used to go.

3) realize that the whole thing was kind of a scam from the start. Being ranked is bad. Proving value is bad. Learn to do things and enjoy things without having to be good at them or prove something.

And the thing is that I think option 3 is necessary to actually be at peace with yourself as a person. (And also, it's necessary to find true solidarity with people who were fucked up by the same system on the opposite end, being told they *weren't* good enough. Which is worse. The fact that that's worse doesn't mean I can't or won't talk about how this one sucks, but if you can't acknowledge that that one's worse, I think that's a problem.)

Anyway. Probably I'm barking up entirely the wrong tree, because the whole concept of "gifted burnout" is basically the domain of people who are stuck on option 2. And it's not like I don't see tons of stuff aimed at "it's ok to be bad at things! Enjoy it anyway!" Like that message is very much out there and in ways that I can infer to mean other people are also wrangling with this same stuff.

The problem is. Sometimes I have a problem and this type of framing is the only way I have to get at it. Sometimes I take a class where I accidentally fall into the role of being the Whizz Kid, and it's a weird sort of adrenaline hit, where being Good At The Thing feels really good and important but it takes up too much of my brainspace and I find myself more easily frustrated and it's harder to find contentment. And then I have to unpick that whole thing and walk it back and remind myself that it literally doesn't matter to be good at the thing. It's just a thing and you're just some guy and you can engage with the actual world rather than the abstract field of Showing Off Land. Like it's this whole other plane of social interaction, which may or may not exist - as in, no one else in the room is necessarily there with you, sending or receiving any signals on that frequency - but you can get stuck there. And it feels bad to be stuck there, constantly sending out "look aren't I special?" and getting upset if you don't recieve back enough pings of "wow you're so special." What is this bullshit? I don't want to be that guy. I don't like that it runs so deeply in me that it can be activated by accident.

Sometimes I do something that turns out pretty well and I want to be regular proud of it but I find myself ping-ponging between thinking I'm amazing and unprecedented and thinking that actually it's probably stupid and all sorts of people can do it - and what sort of fucked up value scale is that? It turned out pretty good and that's neat. It doesn't matter how *common* it is, that isn't anything. If it's worth doing it's worth there being plenty of it.

Like it's fine. It's fine. I've learned to recognize it and I know how to combat it so I walk myself back out of it. It just also kind of sucks. And sometimes, I wish I had an easy way to vent about it, without falling into the whole circlejerk of people coming up with backhanded ways to tell each other they're still special enough. Rather than actually deeply accepting that it's ok that you're not any better than other people.

You are just some guy! Huzzah!