#because they have important parts I have to mention them

[bunni-v1]

May we get some crk thoughts, my liege? I too have a hyperfixation—

Shadow Milk Cookie Headcannons (SFW & NSFW)

🍓Thank you for the excuse to write this shit, I feel less insane being asked to do it lol. I still think this might taint my public image, so lets hope none of my future employers fuck with tumblr. Anyway only smc since he's who I'm obsessing over. I was gonna add pv, but I write wayyyy too much to include both of them on one post. Maybe I'll do him if someone asks nicely. I'll have a mix of both sfw and nsfw so beware lol.

MDNI (I'll find u)

TW: Shadow Milk Cookie; Obsessive behaviors; Stalking mentioned; Nsfw under the cut; unedited

Info: Shadow Milk Cookie x Reader; Sfw & Nsfw headcannons

Credit for Beast Bite Idea: @rollingeevee (go give them love I adore this AU)

-To start I'm gonna say, he's insane, like genuinely. He leans into a lot of yandere-esque behaviors, but I firmly believe he's not a full-on yandere, just really fucked up in the head (trauma and such, poor thing, wah wah wah.)

-Pre-Corruption Shadow Milk surely had a lot of admirers, but admiration is very different from genuine love and connection. He was, in a very literal sense, on a different level than all the cookies on earthbread. He's immortal, a god meant to care for all cookies, romantic relationships with cookies (other than the other heroes) just aren't an option in his mind. (For the sake of these, none of the beasts have had any romantic interaction with him, because I don't wanna deal with that can of worms rn.)

-All that to say, it's highly unlikely he has much experience in relationships. Maybe he's had flings, and some sexual encounters, but I doubt he would commit to someone he would inevitably lose to time. And, sure, he certainly could artificially extend their lifetime... but that's unethical and unfair to his partner. The burden of immortality is not one a regular cookie is baked to bear.

-So when he is inevitably corrupted and sealed away, romance isn't really a thought on his mind. He's very fixated on escaping that stupid tree and enacting his revenge. Which he does, at least in part, and with his freedom comes half of his powers and ensuing chaos.

-There are not many ways he could meet you if I'm quite honest, so I'll leave that up to personal interpretation. However you do meet him, though, you have to be intriguing. He gets bored of people easily, so you have to stand out -- be that in your demeanor or the way you speak or how you challenge him, it just has to be interesting. Once he's interested he's hooked.

-He's rather... mmm... obsessive? He likely stalks you for a while before he makes any moves. He wants to learn your patterns, the cookies you surround yourself with, the things you like, your job, your favorite foods, what flowers you like, and how do you feel about his chaos? He'll even manipulate things around you, just to see how you might react. (Is it fucked up? Yeah, lol! But isn't it equally endearing? He seems to think so.)

-You have frequent reoccurring dreams about him in this period of time. You've only seen him from a distance at this point, but you can't quite shake him from your thoughts. What's very important here is that you realize that your thoughts are not your own. Acknowledge that he's watching, and make sure that he's aware you're aware. Be that by purposefully doing something he could recognize as acknowledgment, or outright saying that you're aware he's messing with you. He values curiosity and intelligence in a person, if you can break yourself out of his cycle he's 100% sold on you.

-It doesn't take much longer after that for him to make his first official appearance. Bowing gracefully in front of you as he materializes from thin air, smiling like a man driven mad by infatuation.

-Believe it or not, he's really not all that creepy or pushy. He's very playful and charming, and while you have the knowledge he'd been watching you for a long time at this point, it's hard not to fall for him. He flirts with an ease that no other cookie really has, and he's so very funny never failing to get a smile out of you at his jokes.

-Now, this may go against what others characterize him as a lot, but I don't believe he's the type to steal you away and lock you up. Shadow Milk is a cookie who wants to be wanted, he doesn't want his feelings to be entirely one-sided, it would really hurt him to pour himself into someone who does not want to reciprocate his passions.

-He's unbelievably patient with you. Despite what the mental manipulation from earlier implies, he allows you to set the pace and make the moves, mostly nudging you gently in the direction he wants you to go now that he has your attention. Again, he wants you to choose him. He wants you to love him, so he will happily wait as long as it takes for you to realize and accept your longing for him.

-He gives you the flowers you like, and listens to you talk about your exceedingly boring days (with rapt attention, of course, he loves listening to you talk as much as he loves talking). If you ask, he'll take you anywhere you'd like to go on earthbread with a snap of his fingers, showing you sights you'd only dreamed of seeing. (Whether or not these are illusions are still up for debate).

-It's very hard not to fall for him with all this considered, and he knows that of course. He was just waiting for you to confess, and you have to confess. He won't do it even if you make it clear you want him to. It's not something he'd ever admit to you -- or himself -- but he doesn't want to risk even the slightest bit of rejection. It would break him more than he's already been broken, so you'll have to do it for our poor little jester.

-When you do though? Oh, he's over the moon! Practically swooning as he scoops you up and spins you around in celebration. He's so overjoyed. He is wanted, there is someone in this world who loves him genuinely. There's no false platitudes or any worshipping done, just raw affection between the two of you. (Just the tiniest bit of manipulation at the start, but obviously you've dismissed and forgiven that at this point).

-Again, he doesn't immediately take you away from your life if you don't wish to be. He does heavily encourage you to come spend your days with him, though. He can take care of you, he's literally a god, you'll never ever want for anything so long as he can control it (which he can, duh).

-I feel it very important to emphasize that in a relationship with him, you are equal. Even if you literally cannot be equal in stature and power, you are equal in the relationship -- if anything you have more sway over him than he does over you. He's very, very in love with you, and he will do just about anything you ask of him so long as it doesn't interfere with obtaining his souljam.

-Having established that, let's get to the fun stuff.

-Shadow Milk Cookie is very physically and verbally affectionate. If you are around him it's likely he's touching you in some way. Whether that's him literally hanging off you like a baby monkey or just a hand on your arm, he likes to have a physical tether to you.

-Plenty of messy wet kisses all over your cute little face, he loves seeing you get all flustered and feeling your dough burn up from his barrage of affections.

-It's also very common for him to carry you around in various different styles. Over the shoulder, piggback, princess style, like a sack of potatoes... doesn't really matter. It's also a regular occurrence that you fall asleep as he floats around the spire of all knowledge. He doesn't need sleep, and he does not sleep often, but he likes holding you while you do so. It's proof of your trust in him, and he usually uses the time you are sleeping to be more genuinely affectionate. Soft words whispered in your ears bringing you sweet dreams as he runs his hands up and down your back, kissing the crown of your head with such love it would make a grown man blush.

-He calls you cute little nicknames, like shortcake or sweet thing. The most common, and his favorites, are doll/dolly and little star. (Little star is something he hums with such affection it makes you weak in the knees. You know he's feeling more adoring when he uses it.) Talks about how cute you are, how pretty you are, how desirable you are. How any cookie would be so lucky to have you -- too bad they could never compete with him!

-That being said, most of his affections are pretty surface-level stuff at the start of the relationship. At least, what you get to see. He has a hard time opening up to others, he's a very sensitive cookie deep down in his dough. It takes quite a while to get him out of his shell and start showing you who he is as himself.

-Who he is, is a very aching cookie. He lost so much, struggled with his own corruption, and still hasn't fully accepted it himself. He feels as though he has been betrayed and discarded by everything he once loved, it's no wonder he has a hard time showing you such ugly sides of himself.

-You warm him up, melt him slowly, and you get to see peaks of genuine love and adoration behind those heterochromatic eyes. He may never allow you to see all of him at once, but you do get to know him. If you continue to love him despite seeing the uglier side of things, there is a distinct shift in the way he showers you in affection.

-Initially, he's very showy with everything, his love is a spectacle for the two of you to watch. It's almost like he's put himself outside of the relationship rather than in it. After he opens up, it's quieter, more intimate. He's more involved in it, like it's less about showing you how much he loves you, and more about sharing that mutual feeling between the two of you.

-You didn't have much room to show him how much you cared for him, but now you do. He allows you to initiate physical affection and doesn't flinch away at the touch. He accepts your words of admiration for what they are, not questioning your intentions for any reason.

-Kisses are softer, more full of emotion. Less like he's drowning you and more like he's trying to swallow you up. Desperation to have you as close to him as possible can take him over quite frequently during make-out sessions, and they leave you breathless and fuzzy rather than burning and flustered.

-Now, you can't write Shadow Milk without acknowledging how fucking jealous he is all the time. Now, I believe it's less of a jealousy thing (though, that really is something that is frequent), and more of a possessive/protective thing.

-He doesn't get jealous of the average cookie, alright, not unless you show interest for whatever reason. They're not really a threat to him, and why would they be? He's secure enough to know that you wouldn't leave him for some random half-baked simpleton. HOWEVER, he DOES get jealous of the other beasts and especially Pure Vanilla Cookie.

-The other beasts aren't as powerful as him, but they're still powerful and cunning (some of them at least). Truly, on a level of divinity and ability to care for you, they are his closest competition. Even still, he only gets jealous if one of them seems to want to stake a claim on you, or you become too fascinated with one of them.

-If neither is the case, he highly encourages you to form relationships with them. They are cookies that, seemingly, he cares for. While they can be difficult to get along with, if you are someone Shadow Milk deems worth his time, you are someone they will also deem worth their time.

-Ah, I should also mention he gets... pouty about Black Sapphire and Candy Apple. He doesn't see either of them as a threat, so I couldn't say he's jealous... he just gets annoyed when you're being attentive to them when he's around. Black Sapphire is smart enough to set hard boundaries with you to start, for both of your sakes, but your relationship with him is very positive. You are Shadow Milk Cookies partner, after all, you're a very important Cookie and Black Sapphire has no reason to be unkind to you.

-Candy Apple Cookie on the other hand is the one who's jealous here. You find her positively adorable and her little crush on Shadow Milk is nothing but endearing in your eyes, but she very much is huffy about your relationship with him. Of course, she can't do anything to you, that would only turn against her in the end so she just pouts. You can win her over slowly, though, just by being sweet to her and comforting her when Shadow Milk rejects her once again.

-Your relationship with them seemingly pleases Shadow Milk, though you can't really tell if he's happy or not. Sometimes he seems pleased, other times he's pouty, so who really knows other than him.

-However, the cookie that really seriously gets under his skin the most is Pure Vanilla. He does everything in his power to keep the two of you as far away from one another as possible, but it's almost inevitable that you meet PV, especially when he becomes Truthless Recluse.

-Pure Vanilla is everything Shadow Milk is not. Kind, gentle, patient, soft-spoken, and of course truthful. He's very afraid you may meet PV and realize that you do not want to be with him anymore. You would rather have someone like Pure Vanilla Cookie to dote on you in a fashion that he cannot bring himself to do openly yet.

-Of course, you don't, but that doesn't stop the fear from seeping into his dough. The only way to ease him is by being patient and displaying your loyalty through and through. He won't really be calm until Pure Vanilla is take care of, but you can assure him that you won't be leaving him for his other half anytime soon.

-Circling back to his possessive and protective tendencies, Shadow Milk does see you as an object of his affection. He is fully aware you are your own cookie, you are not something he ever wishes to control entirely and remove autonomy from, but you are his. His to keep and love and protect.

-He's very obsessive about your well-being and happiness. If something hurts you (alive or not), it's gone, destroyed. He won't even make a show of it, it just disappears. If you are upset, he is there doing everything to make you feel better. Whatever you want, whatever you need! He's here for you, please rely on him (he needs you to rely on him).

-If you are out and about he keeps an eye on you, which you are aware of. It's rather obvious, so even if he doesn't tell you, you can feel him watching you. Ignoring it becomes easier with time, but if anything happens to you he wastes no time in popping up and taking care of whatever happens.

-This leads into my next headcanon (inspired by the ever-talented @rollingeevee go check them out!), he has a bite of sorts that he uses as a means of monitoring you. It's something he uses to pinpoint where you are at all times, even when he's not monitoring you actively. The bite acts as a connection between you and him, emotionally and physically tying the two of you together.

-You can feel what he feels through the bite, anger, sadness, joy, pretty much anything he feels you can feel. It also acts as a reminder to you that you should not stray too far from where he is, sending an uncomfortably heavy feeling through your dough. (This is a manifestation of his worry, and it only really happens when he notices you've gone somewhere a little too far from the safety of the spire).

-However, this goes both ways. He can also feel what you feel at the same intensity that you feel it. You can, likely less so, also tell where he is. There is a pull in the back of your mind from the magic telling you where to find him at all times, and it only lets go when you are in proximity of him. If you miss him, he feels the same heavy feeling in his dough reminding him that you would like him by your side.

-Now, finally, we have to address the topic of mortality. Shadow Milk is likely more aware than you ever will be of how mortal you really are. This is why he's so very protective and possessive of you, he doesn't want to lose you prematurely.

-However, if you are okay with it, he is completely fine with artificially extending your life span. In fact, he does it happily. He might even start doing it without asking if the topic hasn't been broached in a certain amount of time. He wants to spend as long as you'll allow him by your side, and if that means breaking a few rules of magic and cookie society then so be it. He's a god after all, he doesn't have to answer to anyone (other than the witches).

-Anyway, let's get to the shit you freaks are really here for. (Me, I'm freaks.)

-I don't really think sexual intimacy is something Shadow Milk desires all that much, but he more so likes it because it's... interesting? I'm sure he derives physical pleasure from sexual intercourse, but less so than the average cookie might. Most of his enjoyment comes from seeing you enjoy yourself.

-It goes without saying, but Shadow Milk Cookie is a freak. He's into pretty much anything under the sun (except maybe one thing...), and so long as you're down to try something he's happy to oblige you.

-He is a switch, but he leans dom most of the time, and you won't get him to sub early on in your relationship. That requires a bit too much trust for him, so he'll need time to be cool with giving you that kind of control over him. But he will bottom for you as your relationship progresses, and that's a whole different side to him.

-Lets start with him in a dominant role, though, since it's more common to get from him.

-Obviously, he's a tease, through and through. He loves to watch you squirm and react to the things he does. Tantalizingly light touches drawn over your dough, teeth grazing your soft body almost piercing but never quite getting deep enough, heated breath blown over your most sensitive spots but never relieving you with his mouth as you so desperately need.

-Truthfully he could spend another thousand years just tracing over you, committing each inch to memory until he's satisfied in knowing every inch of you. Unfortunately, (or fortunately), he's not nearly as patient in the bedroom as he is outside of it. Not with all of you on display for him, so trusting and open, ready for him to defile you. Oh, his sweet, sweet little dolly~

-Even with his impatience, his teasing does not stop. His hands continue to ghost over you, making sure you're still squirming even as he succumbs to his need to taste you.

-Oh, and tastes you he does. He doesn't have to subscribe to regular cookie physical limitations, so he somehow manages to swallow you whole. Jaw unhinging so he can get as much as he needs from you, tongue splitting itself to give you attention everywhere, and god is it long and dexterous. He can reach so very deep and it moves with such precision, it makes you cum embarrassingly fast.

-That is if he allows you to cum in the first place. He's a big fan of edging, which shouldn't be a surprise. He likes to get you so close, then deny you of your pleasure. Your whining and grumbling is the cutest thing on all of earthbread, don't you know? He can't help but edge you when you're so damn cute every time.

-Your pleasure is in his hands, and it requires such relinquishing of power and trust. In a weird way it makes him feel warm and fuzzy inside, especially when you thank him over and over once he finally allows you to come undone after hours of teasing.

-Speaking of, he is a big fan of being praised for the work he does on you. Your moans and pleas are reward enough, but if you mumble out about how good you feel, how much you love him, how amazing he is he'll become drunk on your praise. Chasing after it with fervor, meaning he's going down on you with so much more excitement somehow.

-He's into blood (jam?) play. He likes leaving physical reminders of your relationship all over your body (yes, even ur vag/dick if you let him). With how sharp his teeth are, it's impossible for you not to bleed when he does so, and he does really like the sight of your jam. It's so pretty and so different from his own, another reminder of how different you are, and how much you trust him. (He'll lick it up and purr at the taste.)

-Bruises are also littered about your dough, his grip on you is tight, like you might slip away from him. The treatment is rough and harsh, but it feels so nice to be manhandled by him. The bruises are just nice little reminders of who you belong to. (He gets all proud when other cookies worry about them, like he's done something worthy of praise).

-He likes watching, he's very much a voyeur. Occasionally requests that you pleasure yourself for him so he can watch you struggle to get off, and he'll only help you out when you're near tears begging him.

-He prefers coming across you by himself, without having to request it. Or just feeling waves of pleasure through your bite. He'll watch you quietly fuck yourself without letting you know he's there. (Though, you most certainly can feel his eyes on you, that's what makes it so fun right?) Sometimes he'll join you after, and other and times he'll leave you be, it's 50/50 either way and regardless you still end up happy.

-If anyone else walks in on you when you're alone, he's very unpleasant. Accident or not they'll learn to be more aware of their surroundings next time.

-That doesn't mean he's against being watched though. Actually, he finds the idea of someone else seeing how well he treats you enticing (especially if it's someone like Pure Vanilla hehe). If you are together and someone walks in (or spots you in public), he won't stop. Instead, he'll lock eyes with them and smile big and wide, showing off his favorite little dolly for them.

-He's just so proud of you, and you're so very pretty beneath him, the whole world should get to see how you fall apart for him. He'll even make you look at them just to see how you fluster.

-If the offender tries to do anything other than watch, though, well... I really hope they didn't want to live for much longer. He's very much not a sharer, at all. The idea of anyone even thinking they could touch you and make you feel good both makes him laugh and want to tear them apart at once.

-He's very much into roleplaying and can get really into it. To the point, it loses the sexiness and is just the two of you playing around, which can be a bummer but is usually really fun. He likes things that lean into power dynamics but explicitly avoids god/king and worshipper/subject. A little too close to home for him, and would honestly be too boring and basic for him.

-He loves it when you dress up for him in pretty little outfits, be it lingerie or something more cutesy, he adores it regardless. Going out of your way to pretty up for him is a huge turn-on. He also loves it when you let him dress you up how he likes. Regardless of what you're wearing, it's not coming off the whole night. It will get ruined and he won't apologize for it. Besides, he can just replace it, right?

-Sex is more fun for him, but he can be intimate when he wants to be. Usually, when you're in control, he is at his most gentle. Yes, he's a brat when he bottoms and he'll fight you tooth and nail, but once you get him to submit he's the softest and sweetest you've ever seen him.

-He looks at you like you're the god, wide eyes taking in everything you do with such admiration it might make you crumble on the spot.

-He's much quieter, treating it less like a spectacle. Moans soft and squeaky, like he's not used to using his voice in such a way. He clings to you like a vice at each little movement, almost afraid you might disappear if he lets you go.

-Oh, and he praises you so much. 'So good', 'Thank you', 'You're perfect', and 'I love you' all tumble from him with such genuine gratitude.

-Being allowed to let his guard down and have you take control is cathartic for him, which is why it's so uncommon to have it happen. It's why he fights you for control so hard because this is an intimacy he isn't used to. It is hard for him to allow you to see him so weak, but you never use it against him. You're so very sweet and loving, and it makes him melt like butter in your grasp.

-If you have the bite I mentioned earlier, it only makes things so much more intense. Both of you can feel the raw emotion connecting the two of you, making the pleasure heighten further.

-In fact, when he gives you the bite it's the first time he allows you to top him. To connect you to him makes him very vulnerable, so he would naturally have to be in a vulnerable state already when he does so.

-It's unlike any of his other bites, it's far more painful when he initially bites down, but when his magic flows through it your body feels light and airy. The pleasurable feeling wrapping itself around your spine, and you feel what he's feeling. All that adoration pours into your being at once, and it's overwhelming to really feel how much he loves you.

[atlabeth]

something about her

masterlist

pairing: spencer reid x fem gideon!reader

summary: you’re reminded why you’re really here while spencer does some unwanted self reflection.

a/n: things have been a little too fun and fluffy around these parts so i had to fix it. it’s easy to forget you’re still dealing w a stalker when you’re busy living in denial <3 enjoy the mess! this whole thing is in spencer's pov bc this all got soooo far away from me

title from the song by stephen sanchez

wc: 5.3k

warning(s): things start to ramp up! stalking, anxiety, lowkey panic attacks, angst, hurt/comfort, r almost has a panic attack, alcohol/mentions of alcoholism, the usual. but more bonding!!

Spencer can’t sleep. 

He’s tried every trick in the book. Counting sheep, counting to one hundred, counting to one hundred backwards, going through the alphabet, going through the alphabet backwards, methods with actual scientific research backing them—none of it works. He’s stared at the ceiling for most of the night. 

He feels like a hypocrite most of all, preaching the importance of adequate sleep when he’ll be lucky to get five hours. But it looks like you barely sleep as is. He probably should keep preaching to you. 

There’s a myriad of reasons to explain it. His hyperactive brain has been responsible for many restless nights. He’s still in unfamiliar territory, and he hasn’t gotten used to sleeping on this bed yet. Lest he forget, he’s your first and only line of protection here from your stalker. That’s enough to keep anyone awake, even FBI. 

But then there’s also… you in general. 

Spencer can’t say he tries not to think about you, because this past week it’s felt like the only thing he’s thought about. 

It’s practically impossible, even before you were shoved into this house together. You have a way of tunneling your way into a person’s mind and refusing to leave—especially his. 

Again, it’s easy enough to pass off. You’re the only ones here, and the time you’re not spending alone you’re spending with each other. Your only choice beyond isolation is to talk to Spencer, and it seems you’re slowly moving past preferring it over him. 

But he doesn’t think he can just pass this off.

He can’t get your smile out of his head. Your moments of levity are so few and far between that it makes them shine bright as the sun. Spencer has learned he loves how you look when you’re happy. He just wishes it wasn’t such a rarity.

Gideon’s lecture rings in his ears. He really had two jobs—keep you safe, and don’t fall for you. Hopefully he only fails the one. 

It’s not like he has to worry about it, though. You might not hate him as much anymore, but you still don’t really like him. As much as it bums him out, it’s for the best. It means that in a week or two, when the team has caught the unsub and all this is over, you can both go your separate ways and you’ll never have to see Spencer again. 

That bums him out even more, though. 

He lets out a long sigh. He doesn’t know why he’s surprised. JJ, Elle, now you—Morgan would say he really knew how to pick ‘em. Girls who didn’t like him back. 

Just then his phone rings, jolting him out what could have been a convincing play for sleep if not for his thoughts, and he groans a little. Spencer fumbles around for it without lifting his head from the pillow, only turning slightly so he can flick it open and place it against his ear. 

“Gideon, why are you calling this early?” he mumbles. 

“I hope you’re treating her well.”

The gravelly voice through the speaker is a shock, and Spencer doesn’t really process it. His brain still hasn’t turned on. 

“Gideon?” he asks again. 

“I know you ran away. Trying to protect her like you have any right.” 

His blood goes cold as the words finally register. 

This is their unsub. This— this is your stalker. 

“What do you want?” he asks, unable to keep the sharp edge out of his words. 

“You’ve hurt her the same way he has,” the voice continues. “He’s ruined our lives and you don’t care.”

Spencer’s mind is simultaneously blank and running wild. He knows he should try to profile him or talk to him to get something out of him but— but all he feels is anger. 

“What do you want?” he repeats, louder this time. 

“Think about your priorities, Agent Reid. I’ll be watching.” 

The disconnected tone blares in his ear before he can say anything else, and Spencer stares down at his phone in confused annoyance. 

What kind of bullshit game is this guy trying to play with you? 

First he stalks you for a month—possibly months— then sends pictures of you to your door, then forces you into hiding and now he’s just mocking you like this? 

If Gideon is the goal, this bastard is doing a great job of dragging you along. 

Spencer’s heart jumps into his throat all of a sudden. You. 

He grabs his gun off his bedside table then lunges to the door with all the athleticism of a newborn baby giraffe, nearly tripping in his haste to get out into the hallway. He slams your door open once he gets to your room, and the relief that floods through his body when you shoot up from your previously sleeping position is almost dangerous. 

“Spencer?” you grumble, still completely out of it as you rub your eyes. “What the fuck are you doing?” 

You’re alive. You’re okay. You’re still here. 

He opens his mouth to respond, still kind of out of breath, when his phone rings again. Spencer takes it out and is already pressing it to his ear. 

“What the hell do you want from her?” he barks. The absolute nerve of your stalker to call back—

“Reid, it’s me.”

It’s Gideon’s voice that comes out of the speaker this time, and Spencer feels the wave of red hot rage boiling in his stomach crash against a wall of confusion. 

“I—” He swallows deeply, his eyes flicking over to your befuddled expression momentarily before he feels himself flush bright red and look away. “I’m so sorry, sir. I thought you were someone else.” 

“You got a call?”

His blood runs cold. “You mean you got one too?”

Gideon curses and he hears him move around. Pacing in his bedroom, if Spencer knew anything about him. “Tell me my daughter is safe.”

“She— she is,” he stammers. “I’m with her right now.”

“Spencer, what the fuck is going on?” You’re sitting up now, much more aware than you were fifteen seconds ago. “Why do you have your gun— why are you talking to my dad?”

“Do a perimeter check,” Gideon demands. “If he’s there—”

“I know.” Spencer looks back at you and sighs. “You should talk to her.”

“I know,” Gideon echoes. “Let her stay on the line with me while you figure things out.”

He nods and takes the phone from his ear. “Gideon wants to talk with you.”

You’re standing up now, a dumbfounded expression on your face. “Hold on, you still haven’t answered me! What is going on?”

“I got a call from our guy,” he says. Your eyes widen and he can see your chest still. His heart clenches at the sight. “Gideon did too.”

“What?” you breathe. “Wh— what did he want?”

“To scare you.” Spencer holds up his gun. “Can you hide in the closet while I do a perimeter check?”

You scoff. Your demeanor is still shaken, but the fire is more prominent. He’s started to admire that about you. “Spencer, I am not hiding in the closet.”

“Then lock yourself in the bathroom again!” he exclaims. He doesn’t mean for the outburst, but he can’t help it. “Just— I can’t focus if I’m worried about you, and right now the only thing I can think of is how worried I am about you, so I need to know you’re safe while I do this.”

You stare at him, and Spencer stares right back, if a little frantic. He feels his chest rise and fall from the force, a stark contrast to your still body—similar to the panic he knows is in his eyes to the steely cool of yours. 

“I’m not letting you potentially face an insane stalker by yourself,” you finally say. 

Spencer huffs. “I am an FBI agent. I’ve faced worse things than insane stalkers.”

“We’ve been together this whole time,” you insist. “We— we can do this together too.” 

He looks at you again—he can tell you’re not going to move on this. Spencer eventually sighs and holds the phone back up to his ear. 

“I’m assuming you heard that?” 

“Let her go with you,” Gideon says. “It’s riskier for her to be on her own than outside with you. But stay on the line, and stay alert. Nothing can happen to her—do you understand?” 

“I won’t let anything happen to her,” he says. “I meant what I said.” 

“...Good.” 

Spencer holds the phone out to you again, and your lip curls. 

“I’m not—” 

“Come on,” he interrupts, gesturing with his head into the hallway. 

Your annoyance melts into acknowledgement when you realize he’s not blowing you off again, and you nod as you take the phone. Spencer wraps both hands around his gun as he starts moving, you matching his pace as you follow him. 

“Yeah, Dad,” he hears you say behind him. “I’m here.” 

This is what he meant by you needing to stay behind. He’s worried about you more than anything, yes, but he also can’t help but listen. Spencer has very keen ears, to everyone’s simultaneous disdain and appreciation on the team—it makes him a very good asset in the field, but also a very good asset when it comes time for office gossip. 

“No, nothing’s happened yet. Yes— yes, I’m okay, I promise. Spencer’s done an annoyingly good job of keeping me safe.” 

Once Spencer reaches the door, he peers through the peephole to make sure their unsub isn’t embarrassingly obvious. It’s clear, and he turns to face you and raises a hand, then places his finger on his lips. 

“Uh— I have to go dark for a sec,” you say. “We’re checking the perimeter. Don’t worry, I’ll scream if anyone tries to kill me. Be back soon.” 

You pull the phone away from your ear and nod at Spencer, and he holds his breath before he opens the door. 

The frigid air hits both of you at once, and he hears then sees your sharp exhale of breath. It’s been a while since either of you have been outside, but it’s good to know he hasn’t been missing superb weather. 

“Stay close and stay quiet,” Spencer whispers. “I’m your only line of defense out here.” 

He expects you to shoot back with some remark, but you merely nod in response. Spencer hopes he hides the shock he feels before he turns away and starts walking. 

Dawn isn’t for a few more hours—the only real light source is the moon high in the night sky. It doesn't exactly help his nerves to be doing all this in the dark, but part of him is almost thankful to be doing this. Spencer doesn’t know how to deal with you or any of the emotions you stir inside of him or the sleepless nights you cause because he can’t stop thinking of you—but he knows how to do his job, and he knows how to do it damn well. 

He just wishes it didn’t have to come with the unfortunate side effect of you being in immense danger. 

But Spencer does his best to push those thoughts to the back of his mind—right now, he has to have one focus. 

And he does. The two of you stick close to the side of the house, his eyes darting all over as he tries to dig out any details, any possible sign that the unsub was here. The ground is still a thin layer of mud from the storm last night, so it should be easy to find footprints. Spencer’s Converse aren’t doing a great job at keeping him upright—slipping in front of you is too embarrassing for him to even think about. 

All of a sudden, he stops, his arm shooting out in front of you. You don’t realize it for a second and you run into him, your hand wrapping around his arm on instinct to steady yourself. If he wasn’t so shocked at what he was looking at, he would have been bright red over it. 

“What the h—” 

“Footprints,” he whispers.  “Th— they’re almost gone, but—” 

“He was here?” you interrupt. Fear spikes in your voice and your grip tightens on his arm. 

“Last night, maybe.” Spencer swallows the doubt in his throat. It doesn’t matter what he thinks, how he feels—he’s not going to make you feel worse. “The rain probably washed most of them away.” 

“Spencer—”

“I am surprised these are still here, though,” he continues. “The rainfall was really heavy. I wouldn’t expect them to stay in mud like this—” 

“Spencer, look where we are!” you exclaim, gesturing hard with your other hand. He realizes that you’ve let go of his arm by now, but he pushes it out of his head and looks. 

“The window to your room,” he says. The blinds are closed and the lock is in place—he’s made sure every night—but there are small enough gaps between the shutters. 

“He was watching us last night!” Your breathing is starting to come heavier and faster now. “We talked about all that shit and he was just here watching and we didn’t even fucking know!” 

You’re on the edge of hyperventilating. Spencer has got to get you down or else you’re going to have a full blown panic attack out here. 

“Hey, hey— look at me.” He says your name and that, if anything else, gets you to listen and meet his eyes. They’re filled with an unbridled fear he hasn’t seen in you until now. “Don’t think about him. Don’t think about any of this. He’s not here.” 

“He was watching us—” 

“And we’ll figure out what to do next. But you have to stay calm. You can’t let him win.” 

You’re still harried, your chest rising and falling rapidly as your eyes dart all around. Spencer says your name softly, tucks his gun into its holster, then takes your hands in his, hoping that it gives you something to focus that isn’t the rest of this. 

“Just look at me,” he says softly. 

You suck in another shaky breath, but you’re not as frantic as before. You at least look him in the eye, and you don’t wrench your hands out of his grasp. Progress, if nothing else. 

“Breathe with me.” 

You nod—still panicked, but better. Spencer breathes in deep and you do the same, following as he counts up and down with his fingers. It takes a few rounds, but eventually, he’s gotten you off the edge. 

Spencer says your name again, just as soft as before. You’re still breathing slowly in and out. 

“How do you feel?” 

“Better,” you murmur. “I—” 

You’re interrupted by the phone you both forgot was in your hand, Gideon’s voice muddled as it comes from the receiver. You rip your hands out of Spencer’s as you come back into yourself, shaking your head and blinking a few times while you take a few steps away from him. 

“I’m here, Dad,” you say. “We— we’re okay. No, nothing happened.” 

Spencer blinks too. He looks down at his hands, then glances at you, then shakes his head. He walks back over to the footprint and crouches down, trying to keep his mind clear. He commits every detail he can to memory, doing his best to ignore the conversation with your dad in the background. 

Well, he tunes in a little. He can’t help it—he wants to make sure you’re okay. 

“We found a footprint outside my room,” you’re saying. “Spencer thinks it’s your guy. I have no idea. Yes, we are. You don’t have to be so pushy.” You sigh and he feels your gaze on him. “Spencer, we have to finish this up. Dad wants us back inside.” 

He clears his throat as he nods a few times. “Let me get a picture of this first.” 

You hand him the phone and Spencer snaps some photos from a few different angles, hoping forensics will be able to get anything out of it. He hears Gideon’s voice again and he holds it to his ear once more. 

“Gideon?” 

“Reid, get her back inside,” he says. “We can’t take any unnecessary risks.” 

“We haven’t finished securing the perimeter,” he says. 

“Then finish it and get back inside!” he exclaims. “You have proof that he was there—” 

“We don’t know it’s him,” Spencer interrupts. 

“We know there was somebody there!” Gideon shoots back. “I’m not risking her, and from what I’ve heard, you don’t want to either.” 

Spencer feels his cheeks warm as he looks back at you, and he pulls his gun back out of its holster. “Come on. We have to finish this up.” 

“That’s what I said,” you mutter, but you follow him without further protest. 

The rest of the check goes by quickly without any other distractions or surprises, and soon enough you’re back inside. While Spencer chats with Gideon, updating him in a calmer manner on everything with the phone call and the footprint, you’re ruffling through the cabinets. 

Eventually, he sees you pull out a bottle of clear liquid from the corner of his eye. He frowns and realizes that it’s vodka. 

“It’s 4:29 in the morning,” Spencer says, cutting off Gideon almost absentmindedly as you pop the bottle open. 

“And we found out that this place isn’t nearly as safe as anyone thought,” you respond sharply. “I think that warrants some drinking.” 

“That means that you should have a clear mind,” he says. “Alcohol impairs your brain’s communication pathways, as well as your judgment and coordination.” 

“I’ve gotten drunk before, genius,” you mutter as you search for a glass. You end up choosing a the mug you used for coffee the other morning then start pouring. “Enough to know it’s what I need right now.” 

“It can also cause mood swings,” Spencer says. “I think that’s the last thing you need right now.”

You roll your eyes, not even bothering to look back at him as you finish pouring a concerning amount of liquor into the mug. 

“What is going on over there?” Gideon asks. Spencer remembers he’s holding the phone and he puts it back to his ear. 

“I think your daughter is an alcoholic,” he comments. 

“I’m not an alcoholic,” you say sharply. “I just can’t focus on all this right now.” 

“It’s best if she gets some sleep,” Gideon says. “All of this is likely terrifying to her, no matter how hard she tries to hide it.” 

Spencer’s mind flashes back to your near panic attack—your wide eyes full of fear and harried breathing that only made you hyperventilate more when you realized you couldn’t control it. It’s too easy to think of you as some untouchable being from the way you interact with him, bothered by nothing and no one. 

The mask cracks on rare occasion. It makes you seem frighteningly real. 

“You’re right,” Spencer nods. You sip your drink without flinching. He doesn’t think he can even call it a drink if it’s just straight liquor. “We could all use some sleep.” 

“Just make sure she’s safe,” he says. “Make sure the whole place is secure. We’re not—” 

“Taking risks,” he finishes. “Believe me, I know.” 

Gideon is silent for a second, and Spencer takes the time to look at you. The bags under your eyes are even more prominent, and there’s a haunted glint in your eyes as you stare at the wall. You shiver ever so slightly, the outside chill still lingering on your skin. You’ve got pajama pants on but just a plain tee. You didn’t have time to put a sweatshirt on before he pulled you outside in the mania of it all. 

You really are beautiful—but you’re so damn tired. 

Spencer realizes that all he wants to do is give you some respite. 

“I’ll call you back later, then,” Gideon says. “To check in.” 

“Okay.” Spencer’s throat bobs as he averts his eyes from you. “Get some rest too, Gideon.” 

The other end hangs up without a response. Spencer stares down at the phone for a few seconds then sighs before he tucks it back into his pocket. 

“What’d he want?” you ask. 

“I can’t believe you’re drinking vodka out of a coffee mug at four in the morning.”

You frown. “You don’t get to judge me.” 

“It’s not good for you.” 

“None of this is good for me,” you enunciate. “What did my dad want?”

“I’m serious,” Spencer continues. “Drinking on an empty stomach can lead to low blood sugar— drinking at this hour is going to completely disrupt your circadian rhythm.” 

“You know what else has disrupted my circadian rhythm?” you ask mockingly. “Being here. Having a stalker. Finding out that said stalker was also here, watching us. I think that’s a little worse for me than the alcohol.” 

Spencer stares at you, and as you’re prone to do, you stare back. Eventually, he shakes his head and looks away, deciding to quit while he’s ahead. 

“He wants you to get some sleep,” he says. “Wants us both to.” 

You scoff and shake your head, downing much more vodka than you should in one go. Again, you don’t flinch—for a schoolteacher, you handle your liquor very well. “Like I’d get to sleep after this.” 

“It’s important,” Spencer insists. “You’ve gotten— what? Three hours of sleep?” 

“Well, all this excitement has woken me up,” you say. 

“Well, I’m tired,” Spencer says. “So I guess I’ll see you in a few hours.” 

He starts to walk to his room, figuring that you need time to cool off, when—

“Wait.” 

Your voice is oddly strangled, and Spencer stops in his tracks. 

“I—” you stop and sigh, your tongue darting out to wet your lips. “I don’t want to be alone right now.” 

“Our rooms are close to each other,” he says. “I’ll be able to hear if you yell.” 

You rub your eyes as you let out another haggard sigh. “I can’t stand to be in that room, Spencer. Not knowing that— that he was right there.” 

Spencer can’t look away from you. Your eyes glint with tears you’re trying to hold back, but you’re laid bare in a way he knows you hate. 

You’re being pushed to your limits against your will, and it kills him that he can’t do anything to help you. Honestly, sometimes he feels useless being stuck here while the rest of the team is out there actively working to help you. All he can do is stand around here and annoy you. 

Except you want him there. For the first time since all of this has started, you want him there. 

It’s the only thing he can do for you right now. How can he refuse? 

“Okay,” he says softly, and he nods. “Okay. We can share my room tonight.” 

The tension in your shoulders fades ever so slightly, and you—thankfully—set the mug down. “Keep your gun close.” 

“I’m not sure you want me shooting when I’m sleep deprived,” Spencer says. 

Your lips twitch just so, and Spencer’s heart skips a beat. He can’t help it. 

He should have known he was in too deep the moment he stepped into this house with you. 

-

“Very cozy,” you say. 

“It’s the same as your room,” Spencer responds. 

You shrug. “It’s messy. Makes it feel like home.” 

He feels his face flush. “I haven’t really been focused on keeping things clean.” 

“Relax.” You sit down on the bed. “I’m not judging you.” 

“Good.” Spencer glances at you as he moves his bag off of your side of the bed. “Because that would be very rude after the generosity I’ve shown you.” 

You laugh and Spencer finds himself smiling at the sound of it. He’s glad he’s turned away, and he’s glad he manages to push it away by the time he’s turned back around. 

You’re wearing a sweatshirt and sweatpants now, and it’s strange to see you look so… soft. Every part of you is so sharp, some of it jagged—sometimes you harden around him, sometimes you mellow. He’s a bit tired of the back and forth. 

Maybe that’s what makes him speak up. 

“I’m tired of us always being at odds.” 

Your eyebrows rise and you look at him. “Really?” 

Spencer nods, his will bolstered. “Really. We have a nice talk one night, and I feel like we’ve had a breakthrough, and then you go back to hating me the next morning. I’m— I’m sick of it.” 

He expects you to shoot back with some mocking comment like you always do, making fun of him for wanting more than what little you give him. But instead, you lay back against the pillows and shrug. 

“Okay.” 

He blinks. “Really?” 

“Really,” you nod. “I’m too tired to want to fight right now.” 

“You’re the one that always tries to fight me.” 

“Aren’t you fighting me right now?” 

Spencer shakes his head. “You’re unbelievable.” 

You chuckle. “Still fighting.” 

He stares at you. As usual, you stare back, but this time you can’t fully bite back your smile. For some reason, that gets Spencer to break. He smiles too, and he settles down on the bed next to you. There’s a pillow buffer between you, but it’s still a lot closer than he’s used to. 

Well, he did hold your hands earlier, but that’s because he was bringing you down from a panic attack. That doesn’t mean anything. 

“What a day,” he mutters. 

“And it hasn’t even started yet,” you muse. “I don’t know how you do this kind of shit every day.” 

“I’m not really the target of any of this,” he says. “I usually stay behind the scenes. I’m good with geographical profiles, not chasing down unsubs.” 

You look over at him. “You haven’t really talked about anything you do for the BAU.” 

Spencer shrugs. “I thought it would be a sore subject.” 

You pause. “You’re… probably right.” 

“I figured.” He chuckles, then glances over at you. “But you already know enough about me. You said you would talk about your job. Teaching, and your kids, and all that.” 

Your eyebrows rise. “You actually care?”

Spencer gives you a look. “I thought we were past that part in our friendship.”

“We’re not friends.”

He shrugs. “Whatever you say.”

You roll your eyes, but you go on anyway. “I’m a highschool teacher in Fairfax. You know Mount Vernon High?” 

Spencer nods. “I know the name of every high school in Virginia.” 

“Of course you do,” you huff. “But that’s besides the point. I did my student teacher hours there, and they offered me a full time position. I took it, so I guess I’ve been there since senior year.” You purse your lips. “It’s a little depressing when you look at it like that.” 

“Then don’t look at it like that,” he say. “You said you loved your job.” 

“I do!” You smile again, a bit lighter this time. “My teachers were a huge part of my life, especially in high school.” The lightness fades some, but he notices how you try to hide it. “If I could help even one kid the same way my teachers helped me, then I would have done something with my life.” 

“That’s very noble of you,” Spencer says. “I don’t think I ever would have guessed you were a teacher.” 

“Oh, please,” you say. “You’re a profiler. You’d figure it out.” 

“You wouldn’t know I work with the FBI at first glance.” 

“Well, I’m not a profiler. Besides,” you tip a shoulder, “I have the ulterior motive of wanting to introduce kids to the wonders of physics.” 

Spencer’s eyes light up. “You’re a physics teacher?” 

“I teach a load of science classes, but I carry the banner for AP physics.” You huff a laugh. “You’re probably the only one that doesn’t sound lame to.” 

“I love physics!” he exclaims. “I’ve got a PhD in engineering, remember?” 

You smile— no, you actually grin at him, and he can’t believe he finally broke through the barrier with science. 

“Trust me, I’d love to talk physics with you, boy genius, but—” you’re interrupted with a yawn, and Spencer resists the urge to do the same— “but I think I’m actually about to fall asleep.”  

Spencer shakes his head with a small laugh. He realizes that he’s relaxed while you’ve been talking, limbs looser and fully laying back against the pillows. 

“This was actually part of my master plan to get you to rest,” he says. “Talking science always works with the team.” 

He sees you smile out of his peripherals as you lay fully down, can feel every shift of your body against the mattress while you try to find a good position. 

“It wasn’t you,” you say. “It was the vodka.” 

 “Of course,” he agrees. 

Silence falls over the room as the two of you settle in. You take off your sweatshirt, a slight shiver running through you once you’re back in your tank top. Spencer removes his glasses, and he blinks a few times to adjust to the blurriness.

The bed is big enough for you to both have your own space,, and you’re both careful to keep your backs to each other. The silence is comfortable despite the previous animosity. Maybe all it really did take was for him to start talking science. 

Eventually, though—

“Thank you, Spencer.” Your voice is little more than a whisper, but it cuts through the silence like a knife. “I— I know you don’t like me. So it means a lot that you still do all this for me.” 

He’s quiet for a moment, taking your words in. The mingled sounds of your breathing are really the only things filling the room, and he can feel your weight against the mattress. It’s all oddly intimate. 

“You’re wrong.” He’s almost surprised at the sound of his own voice. “I do like you.” 

Your shock shows through the silence. Spencer takes his chance. 

“You’re going through something no one should ever have to experience, and you’re doing it with someone you think stole your life from you.” Spencer shifts ever so slightly. His hands feel inexplicably clammy. “It was unfair of me to take Gideon’s side so often.” 

“Still.” Your words are muffled as you speak half into the mattress. “We have more important things to worry about. It was unfair of me to spend so much time giving you shit. You— you didn’t even know I existed until a month ago.” 

“But now I do.” He pauses. “And I’m glad I do. So you can start looking forward instead of always looking back.” 

Again, silence. It lasts so long Spencer wonders if you’ve fallen asleep. Your breathing is thankfully steady (a side of him is always focused on your breathing just to make sure) and you don’t shift much, so he wouldn’t be surprised. You were exhausted—

“Spencer?” 

His eyes open. He didn’t even realize they had closed. You sound half-asleep, your voice nothing more than a whisper. He wishes more than anything he knew what was going through your mind right now. 

“Yeah?” 

“I’m glad you’re here.” 

His heart stutters so blatantly he’s sure you can hear it. Spencer honestly doesn’t know what to say—his mouth is so dry he doesn’t know if he can say anything. 

Spencer thought you hated him. You thought Spencer hated you. 

It’s ironic. 

“Me too,” he eventually manages. 

But there’s no response. You must’ve already fallen asleep again, just conscious enough to say a few words. The rude awakening mixed with the fear and alcohol couldn’t have done you much good. 

Spencer swallows the doubt in his throat and closes his eyes again, trying not to focus on you. It’s practically impossible. 

He’s glad, at least, that you’re able to sleep. You deserve to rest more than anyone. 

Eventually, the sound of your breathing lulls Spencer to sleep. 

You were the one thing he didn’t have on his list.

[xxdedboixx]

~ Selfish (and Jealous) ~

One Piece Captains

How selfish are each of the captains when it comes to your attention? And just how much more selfish they can be when they become jealous.

NSFW for each captain below the red lines.

18+ MDNI

Luffy

Luffy is accidentally very very selfish. It doesn't even really cross his mind that he could possibly be being selfish and if someone brings it up all he thinks to say is "Well I AM a pirate" with a laugh and exaggerated shrug.

He'll just butt into conversations you're having, either running over to show you something cool or just wrapping himself around you in a tight hug to listen in. Maybe he'll even dramatically kiss your cheek just to make you laugh.

When he's intentionally being selfish it's a whole other deal though. He is suddenly one of the most jealous people ever. For example, you might be talking with a captain of another crew or gushing about how strong someone is. As soon as he hears praise for someone else he is right beside you, pouting or otherwise trying to draw your attention. "Hey I'm supposed to be the coolest guy you know" an exaggerated pout is permanently stuck on his face and he's glaring at the other person. If he doesn't manage to draw your attention though he will wrap his arms around you and run off with you (sometimes this is the first step of he's feeling particularly neglected that day).

Jealous of the other captains (Law and Kid mainly)? He will immediately be starting a fight for your affection. You mention one of their attacks is cool? He's immediately showing off the "super secret epic move" he's been "working on" (he probably just made it up completely on the spot). You like their style? He's pouting and grumbling about how his hat is so much cooler.

-----------------------------------------------------------

When it comes to the bedroom Luffy is yet again accidentally selfish. It's not necessarily a bad things though because the way he is selfish isn't what you may think.

Instead of focusing on his own pleasure he is just so focused on the moment. You have his undivided attention and he is not letting a second go to waste. This also means you need to be focused on him though. Any time he is not touching you is time wasted if you ask him.

He's selfish in terms of not listening to you. Yes how you feel is important but what you say isn't. He is 100% accidentally overstimulating you because he just can't get enough of how you sound.

I also firmly believe that he prefers to focus on you rather than taking care of his own needs. He will only stop touching you when he absolutely can't hold back anymore and even when he is actually fucking you he is still groping you in every way possible.

How about how selfish he would be if someone else was involved? He probably just accidentally ignores them, forgetting they're even there sometimes just because he wants to hear you even more. If he does remember that someone else is there then he's gushing about you and showing off how good he can make you feel. You always have to be the focus of both of their attention, he just won't allow it to be any other way.

Trafalgar Law

Law isn't really selfish but he's not not selfish y'know? He has a good handle on his emotions for the most part so it's rare he actually lets any selfishness or jealousy seep through the calm and smug facade.

He also knows that you wouldn't be dating if you liked anyone else so he doesn't really get jealous.

If he wants your attention then he's probably going to be selfish and immediately ask that you come to his office just to spend time with him, no matter what you're doing. And since he is your captain you have to obey (he likes to pull the captain card a lot). But if he's content just doing his own work then he doesn't really mind letting you do your own thing.

If you're talking to someone else when he wants your attention there's 2 options. Option 1, he calls you into his office, maybe whoever you're talking to even thinks you're in trouble with the way he says your name, but he's actually just tired and needs your attention to refill his battery. Option 2, you're mid conversation and then you're in his room. This is usually much more of a last resort. He might use this method when you are refusing to go to bed or when you're ignoring him for whatever reason.

He knows it's selfish to want you to spend most of your time in his general vicinity but he just can't bring himself to care. You both might like time to yourselves but that doesn't mean you can't have your alone time in the same room.

He doesn't really get jealous when you hang out with other people but he does prefer it if you stay near him, he'll tolerate other people talking to you as long as it remains friendly and if they try to flirt, then you don't flirt back.

When it comes to the other captains (Luffy and Kid) he won't intervene in the dramatic way the others would. He prefers to be more casual, he might just wander over an arm around your waist or shoulder. He isn't one for PDA but sometimes he just has to show off his claim over you. He might even whisper a joke in your ear to irritate the others or make a sly remark about them.

The way he feels when you interact with them could be considered jealousy but he would probably just say that they irritate him and he doesn't want you wasting time on them.

If you mention something cool that the other captains have done, he doesn't do much more than raise an eyebrow at you, maybe it even irritates him but you won't necessarily know until later. If it irritates him enough then... Well check out the NSFW section.

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If you manage to make Law actually jealous then he might just take it out on you in the bedroom. In reference to what I mentioned before. If you talk too highly of the other captains then he is going to tease you endlessly. "Do you think those idiots could make you feel as good as I do?" His fingers might lightly trace over every sensitive place he can think of. "Come on, you talked so highly of them, where's my praise?" He won't let you finish, edging you until you're gasping out apologies. Even then, it's not an apology he's after, it's the satisfaction of knowing that even if they are 'cool', they could never make you feel the way he does.

When you're having sex otherwise he doesn't really seem selfish or jealous. He's actually very giving. Unlike Luffy, he will do whatever you ask him, if you've been good and you ask him nicely enough. He loves it when you beg (I'll probably make another post about this at some point).

I doubt he'd be comfortable with anyone else watching but if it ever did happen then he would be the one completely in control, giving orders. He might be sitting on the other side of the room and instructing them how to treat you, or he might tell them to just watch so he can show off how well he knows you. He's definitely making sure you are the centre of attention.

Eustass Kid

Kid is insanely selfish and very easily made jealous.

He lets his emotions get the better of him so if he's jealous everyone knows (even if he denies it).

He hates when you interact with anyone outside of his crew. Even going as far as making sure you are never sent to go shopping alone. It's not that he doesn't trust you, he just prefers that you have a guard dog to make sure no one even thinks of hurting you or trying to take you away.

If he wants your attention then he is going to yell your name and demand that you accompany him, he'll claim he just needs your help if anyone asks but in reality he just wants you by his side. Like how Killer is never too far away, he just likes to know what's going on and prefers to have you close by.

He wouldn't get jealous of his own crew per se (because he trusts his crew and friends a lot) but if he notices you spend more time with anyone in particular he might become more irritable. If you both have down time and choose to hang out with someone other than him he is probably going to seek you out and hang out with both of you. It won't necessarily improve his mood and he'll probably sit there glaring at you both (after all you chose to spend time with someone other than him) but at least he can spend time with you.

The only person he could never be jealous of is Killer because he trusts him completely and I would even go as far as to say that he shares everything with Killer.

Because he's pretty much always keeping an eye on you, the moment one of the other captains gets too close to you he is by your side, hurling insults and taunting them. "Why are you wasting time talking to these losers?" "Get back to work." Any excuse he can make to keep you away from them. Again, he trusts you but he just gets so jealous. The idea of them wasting even a second of your time irritates him beyond comprehension.

If you insist on talking to the captains or compliment them in any way, he becomes insanely angry. You are not spared from his wrath either. If you compliment them when they aren't around then he's just gonna curse under his breath and probably call you an idiot. If you compliment them to their face then he curses and storms off. "Fine if you like their company so much stay here then!" "Fucking idiot, complimenting this trash." Anyone who witnesses him storm off will immediately jump out of the way and probably avoid him for the rest of the day. Eventually if you confront him about it he'll shout about how he's the only one who deserves your praise. He's selfish so the mere thought of you complimenting someone else fills him with rage, those are his compliments, his attention, you are his.

-----------------------------------------------------------

When it comes to the bedroom his selfish side really shines through. He's going to make sure you enjoy yourself but he's also a bit of a sadist so if he wants you to beg for it then you are going to beg. I also firmly believe he is the king of degrading praise.

"my pretty little whore" "such a good slut for me huh?"

If you've pissed him off then he is going to leave you there without letting you finish. But other times he is still focused mainly on himself but he will consider how good you're feeling, it boosts his ego to know that even when he is the main focus he can still make you feel just as good.

If you've made him jealous then he's going to show you just how much better he is. He will not stop until you are crying out, whimpering that you didn't mean to make him jealous, that he's the only one you admire and that he's the only one who can make you feel so good.

Kid would also probably be the most likely to involve someone else. Obviously the first person to come to mind is Killer but I don't doubt he would also be ok with sharing with a couple other members of his crew (the other two who immediately come to mind are Wire and Heat). As long as it's both of them dominating you then I think he'd be very very into it. He'd give the others tips and taunt you for getting off to the idea of both of them.

Although he's easily made jealous normally, because he has so much control in the bedroom it takes a lot more to make him jealous.

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If you've made it this far thank you very much and please check out my GoFundMe to raise money for my top surgery. I also take requests but will be more inclined to respond if there is any type of donation attached (even just $1 because everything counts)

[rekino2114]

Genderbent Rin Itoshi with a male reader who was cheated on by Sae Itoshi

Fem!rin itoshi with a reader who was cheated on by fem!sae

A/n:this request was so good and I got into this so much, so thanks for requesting

You were always friends with the itoshi sisters, you spent the majority of your evenings playing football with them and getting ice cream together. You practically lived in their house and always used any moment you could to spend time with them, They were your best friends but little did you know that both of them had started to develop more feelings than just friendship for you.

In the meantime, you started thinking about the same thing. Did you have feelings for the two sisters? you loved their presence, and they were both undoubtedly beautiful, not to mention that just being near them made your heart flutter in a way it never had before. You quickly realized you did indeed have a crush but the problem was that you also realized that you had said crush on both rin and sae.

You had no idea what to do so to try and not ruin your great friendship and maybe even their sisterly bond you tried your best to repress your feelings for both of them.

That was until on one Valentine's Day in high school sae confessed to you, in that moment you felt it again, that love that made your heart flutter and immediately accepted the pink haired girl's confession. Your acceptance was met with a wide smile and a hug from sae. Your relationship was a happy but short one

Because a few months later she left for Spain to go play for re-al, leaving you and rin to keep your dream of becoming the best trio of strikers in the world alive. You still remember when she kissed you before leaving, saying that she would be going to become the best striker in the world, that moment feels like an impossible dream now.

During sae's leave you and rin became way closer, playing together and basically only passing to each other during games, you both told yourselves that you needed to become better for sae that when she would come back you would need to be near her level, just playing with you made rin feel something, that love she had worked so long to suppress, she couldn't do it, you were sae's boyfriend and no matter how much her heart yearned for you she loved her sister too much to do something so horrible like stealing you from her, so she just did what she was already used to and buried her love for you even deeper in her heart.

But everything changed when sae came back from Spain. She called you and said she had an important thing she needed to discuss with you so you waited for her at your house and when you opened the door you saw her but you immediately knew something was different.

Her gaze was almost colder than the snow outside, and her face wasn't even trying to make the faintest of smiles. you offered her a chair, but she refused, telling you that what she was going to be quick

"Our relationship is over, I met another man in Spain and I've been dating him for a while, goodbye"

Before you had the time to process what she said, she just left, the same coldness on her face. You just started crying and thinking about everything. What did you do wrong? Why did sae seem so cold? What happened to her? Or was she just sick of you?

You had nothing else to do so you decided to call the person that had never abandoned you and that you always felt something for: rin.

Rin was not ready to deal with anything after what sae said to her in the football field, but she had promised to herself that she'd do anything for you and hearing your crying voice on the phone broke her heart, she quickly rushed to your house with her heart in her throat, she knew her sister had something to do with this.

Seeing you so sad and miserable with tears flowing down your eyes awoke something in rin, she wanted to destroy whoever did this to you and when she heard the word sae spill from your mouth at her question a really small part of her was happy only because she had even more of a reason to destroy her.

When you fully explained what happened you could have sworn you saw her eyes turn black and her pupils becoming buzzsaw like, but your thoughts were interrupted by the younger itoshi hugging you incredibly tightly and letting you cry on her chest while she talked

"Listen y/n you did nothing wrong, it's sae who's........she's not my sister anymore, I don't know what happened to her but I don't care, she was horrible to me too but what she did to you was just unforgivable, she throwed away the best boyfriend she could have had like it's nothing, you're amazing y/n please just know that there is someone who loves you and will never leave you"

Before you could figure out who she was talking about, rin instinctively crashed her lips into yours, her kiss felt amazing. It was like she reanimated the heart sae had stepped on, right in that moment all of the love you ever felt for rin resurfaced and you saw her as what she actually was, the true love of your life, someone who would never abandon you and would always love you

You two continued kissing for a while and then started cuddling, your head still on her chest and your body wrapped in her arms, sweet whispers that promised to keep you safe and to love you forever filled your ears as you closed your eyes, promises that rin was 100% sure she was going to maintain.

Looking at your adorable sleeping face made rin even more angry, not only did that bitch reject their dream and stepped on it like it was nothing she also did the same with you, with the most perfect and adorable guy in the world, she was going to show her how wrong she was. That dream was no longer sae's now just like you were longer hers, rin and you were going to become the best strikers in the world and reject her like she did to the both of you, walking hand in hand in front of her defeat.

The next day, you two talked it over, and your relationship with rin officially started, a much longer and happier one. You couldn't be happier when the letter to join blue lock arrived, that was the place you were going to hone your skills in to defeat sae.

You always stayed together in the facility. During lunch, sleep, training, and especially matches, it looked like you two were the only ones on the field with your perfect chemistry and skills. All of your teammates joked about how rin's coldness melted instantly whenever she talked to you, but they were quickly shut up by a glare from the turquoise eyed girl, as if she was going to treat you coldly after what you went through.

When the u-20 match was announced, the fire in your souls burned even brighter. That was the occasion in which you were going to destroy sae. You had to stop each other from training yourselves to death on multiple occasions, but you both knew that the reason was worth the effort, you needed to show sae how wrong she was.

The night before the match, you couldn't sleep, and your girlfriend who, as always, had her arms wrapped around you comforted you like only the girl of your dreams could.

"Y/n......I understand why you're nervous, but don't be, we will win tomorrow, we'll show that shitty excuse for a sister who the strongests really are, we're going to destroy her and become the best strikers in the world......together, like we always do everything, I'll personally kiss you in front of her to show her what she missed on, you're perfect my love, don't let that bitch get to you, I'm here now.....and always"

She kissed you one more time and tightened her hold around you, starting to play with your hair and lull you to sleep with her sweet words, just like she did on the day you became a couple, on the day you both started your true life, a life together that sae was never going to ruin, rin loved you too much to let that happen, she was going to protect you from everything, especially from that girl who dared tell you she lived you once

"I love you y/n.......good night, and tomorrow, we're going to get our revenge"

As she said those words rin started to fall asleep too, looking at your beautiful face one last time and smiling, because she had you, she had healed your heart and she was never going to let anyone hurt it again.

[akko-kagori]

Diluc Views His Employees As Family - A Character Analysis

A Part 2

I was re-reading the post linked above when something clicked again, but harder. Considering just how close he was with these people as a young child as well as how he treats them today, it got me wondering: what if Diluc subconsciously believes that his employees are family. I mean, look at the relationships he had with his head maid and butler when he was very young with a very impressionable mind; a mother and a brother respectively, which could've very easily planted a familial feeling when it comes to his employees.

This would explain why he got so, so pissed when he thought a pervert might be harassing his maids, why he burst out with his claymore ready to fucking kill someone (you don't take out your claymore when you're going to have a friendly chat with someone) over the possibility that his maids might be getting harassed. Because, to him, in his mind, these maids are his family, you're sexually harassing his family, his sisters. (don't harass the most powerful man in mond's family it will NOT end well 💀)

It also explains why he plays games with Elzer, to him, he's unwinding by spending time with a family member playing games. It explains why when Elzer introduces him to a pass-time he listens and tries it (Elzer was the one who introduced him to TCG).

Family is actually Diluc's biggest value other than Morality and Responsibility. Diluc is a family man, he doesn't just love his family, but wants to do right by them. It's why he dedicated his entire life pre-18th birthday to making his father proud, it's why he listens to Elzer's requests (ontop of the reasons mentioned), it's why he takes away Kaeya's bottle of wine in the Windblume cutscene (Kaeya is an alcoholic which is very unhealthy so he's limiting his alcohol consumption, he's not trying to be mean he's simply looking out for Kaeya's health in his own little way), he's trying in his own little ways to be a good son, a good brother.

Elzer is actually so overlooked by Diluc enjoyers he actually has a very big role in Diluc's life and is actually incredibly important to him.

[joocomics]

remember your first: valentine’s day special

read part one ; read part two

pairing: non-idol!hyeongjun x fem!reader

genre: smut, slice of life wc: 1.1k

summary: your official boyfriend han hyeongjun arrives at your doorstep at midnight with flowers and a heart shaped box of chocolates in hand - the same han hyeongjun who’s always made fun of you for falling for a lame cash grab

contains: established relationship, soft!dom!junhan, sub!reader, unprotected sex, oral sex (f!rec), dirty talk, pet names, mentions of slapping and hickeys

a.note ! you can feel free to read this spin-off if you haven’t read the official part two fic, but i will say, you’d understand the dynamics between the characters and the importance of this event for them a little bit better if you’ve read both parts beforehand, but still, it’s not necessary. happy v day!

A sudden ringing at your doorbell startles you just as you’re about to fall asleep.

Frowning, you reach for your phone to see what time it is. Well, it’s not that late - 23:50 o’clock, but since you have classes early in the morning tomorrow, and no plans tonight, you decided to catch up on some sleep.

You’re definitely not expecting guests.

Another ring buzzes throughout your apartment as you put your hoodie over your thin top. In a pair of socks, you rush to the door with drowsy footsteps and slowly pull it open.

It’s not a person, the first thing your eyes see, - it’s a bouquet of deep red roses.

You open the door wide. It’s him. Hyeongjun.

His hand holds the flowers in front of his face, hiding it from you. But you recognise every other part of him; from his slightly worn out denim jacket to his black nails and relaxed posture.

It turns out he’s not that at ease though once he reveals himself.

His dark hair is a little messy as if he’d run his hand through it too many times on his way here. His jaw is a bit tense and his lips seem to br unable to move as his eyes keep shifting away from yours. Is he… nervous?

Embarrassed?

Your gaze flickers up and down, from the bouquet to his expression, and you can’t tell which of those confuses you more.

“Uhm… what are you doing here?”

Your lips twitch in a smile you try to control for a little longer; you have an idea of what has led him here, but still… what if you’re dreaming?

Instead of answering, Hyeongjun pulls something from behind his back with his other hand - a heart-shaped box of chocolates.

You can't help but stare while slowly accepting the flowers first.

“Is this a prank?”

“I can return them.”

“No!” You almost let out a chuckle as you stare at him with wide eyes. “I just thought Valentine's day was dumb.”

Hyeongjun looks away for a second, then back at you as you lean against the doorframe; the corner of his mouth slides up in a smirk that doesn't reaches his eyes just yet.

“Yeah, well... it still is.” He murmurs while drumming against the box of chocolates. “But you like it.”

For a moment, you're tongue-tied. You still to watch the boy who made fun of you last year for falling for a lame cash grab standing in front of your door at 12 am with roses and candy, as though he stepped out of one of your guilty pleasure rom-com movies.

Because he's in love with you.

At once, you step closer and press a soft kiss on his lips.

Just for a moment, Hyeongjun's body freezes beneath your tender touch; his hand drops to rest on your waist as the pleasant thrill causes him to sigh against your lips.

“You know,” you whisper, biting your lip before saying it, “this is really romantic...”

“Don’t make a big deal out of it.”

“Oh, I will make a big deal out of it.” You laugh softly, inviting him inside your home by pulling at his shirt.

The minute he takes off his shoes, you take his hand and lead him to your bedroom. This time your lips crash against his; out of strong endearment mixed with joy, but also passion. The lamp on your nightstand remains just as you left it, casting a warm, golden glow that lands softly on your face when you kneel down.

Your hands hurry to unzip his pants, but to your surprise, Hyeongjun stops them.

“Is something wrong?” You look up at him, noticing how his gaze seems softer tonight.

He doesn’t respond right away, just shakes his head as he signals you to stand up. With no rush, he helps you strip from your clothes, then tells you to get on the bed, watching the movements of your naked body as if it's his first time seeing it in such intimate state.

His hands rest on top of your tummy as he swipes his flat tongue against your clit; a slow gentle motion that turns into a kiss. The following sucks of his lips come in a sensational combination with a nice amount of saliva trickling down your folds and swift flicks from the tip of his tongue.

Soon enough, the arousing thrill in your core forms into a warm tight knot. In the heat of the moment, you grab onto Hyeongjun's hands for support, begging him not to stop.

His fingers intertwine with yours on the instant, feeling how your grip tightens as his mouth leisurely maintains the same steady rhythm - relaxed, but easily bringing you on cloud nine.

You're still holding hands when he finally shoots you a glance; the familiar desperation he loves seeing on your face is evident, reminding him of the tightness in his own underwear, but more than anything - making him want to turn that piece of delight swirling in your tummy into an unforgettable moment of euphoria.

His one hand pulls away to feel your arousal, to tease your throbbing walls slowly.

“So needy tonight, aren't you, baby...” It's not a question, because the answer is more than clear. “You were ready to take my cock without even asking me first.” His smirk lasts a second as his teeth sink into your inner thigh, giving you a firm, yet playful bite, that leaves a light, wet mark; near a fading hickey.

“I'm sorry, I just...” You stop mid sentence, unable to suppress your moan in time “... wanted to give you something nice too, but I should've asked...”

You expect him to land a slap on your body somewhere, to spit on your pussy and call you names - the usual ways you magnify your mutual pleasure that never stop being exciting, - but he only represses a chuckle and moves onto removing his clothes.

As he gets on top of you, with hair falling over his face and arms locking you in place beneath him, a soft whimper escapes your mouth during the smooth entering of his length.

“You've given me so much already,” he says almost in a whisper while holding your chin with his fingers and staring down at your parted lips.

In the meantime, his hips grind against you, causing his tip to softly invade you as deep as possible.

Your heart skips a beat as you take a minute to cherish this moment... his words, and how he uses them, sincerely and without hesitation; the way his dark eyes do not dare to lock with yours, not because he doesn't want to, but because of the vulnerability of his confession.

“And I will continue to give you more.” Your hands find their way to the sides of his neck; fingertips tracing the warmth of his skin, grounding him in the tenderness of your touch.

Then, a smile forms on both of your faces - expressing affection and quiet relief at the same time.

In this fleeting moment, even Hyeongjun can't deny it… maybe, just maybe... this is kind of romantic.

! please do not repost, copy or translate my works

! please keep in mind that english is not my first language. i apologise for any mistakes i’ve might missed

[maxdibert]

I believe it's a creator's choice to do or not fanwork of a character And that them choosing to not draw or write about one because they don't appeal to them for whatever reason, doesn't make them full of hate? They just have a different taste in characters

I’m going to use a product for kids aged 2 and up as an example to make this as clear as possible:

Imagine you’re in the Frozen fandom. Now imagine you write, create headcanons, or give importance to every single character from the movies—including the palace guard who appears in only three scenes and doesn’t even speak. But not only do you give him importance, you give him a name and treat him as if he has the same level of relevance as major characters like Anna or Kristoff just because. Imagine you even write or draw about Hans, the villain of the first movie, but treat him as a misunderstood soul, completely invent his personality, and make him seem like a little angel or a queer icon who’s super sassy—and even make him Anna’s BFF, as if he wasn’t that bad in the end. Imagine you even pair him up with some random background character from the crowd in one of the movies, and you give that character—who appears for a fraction of a second—a name and create an entire story for them that you pass off as CANON.

And now imagine all of this happens while Elsa is completely ignored. Not just left aside, but treated as if she doesn’t exist—as if she’s not part of that world and never has been. And if she’s ever mentioned, if she’s ever talked about, it’s only to insult her or make her look not just like a villain but like some kind of psychopathic monster who could even eat babies.

Do you get it now, or do I need to explain it with drawings?

[kedreeva]

HI!! It's the guy who asked about the medical mice stuff, I wanted to THABK YOU!! for your answers:) seriously informative and I appreciate it! I figured as much that culling is a massive part of it, instead of vet stuff, and I'm alright with that! I've familiarized myself with how important culling is, keeping the future mice as healthy and as unprone to diseases as I can is a big goal for me, I think. I currently own chinchillas and BOY I know how expensive vet treatment can get, I can only imagine how much more it'd be for tons of mice. And the hassle.

I had no idea disease testing was a thing though! That's interesting, but man that doesn't seem that.. worth it, with the points you mentioned. And sucks that most breeders will start over if most of their colony gets something Bad but I 100% understand that. I'll definitely be sure to research up more on everything to have on hand when I inevitably have to deal with mites, and I'll definitely make it a point to be very vigilant with health checks and quarantine:) and also 100% do a ton of research in getting good founders, thanking you a TON right now!! As I've mentioned before I really do want the best for these future guys

Sure no problem!

More under cut because culling discussion again

And honestly if you're starting with decent stock and being careful about quarantine for anything you add... You're really unlikely to have to cull much for health unless you get wildly unlucky. I've had these lines for a few years and the VAST majority of culls are population (males I don't need, pinks from larger litters, young females that don't get adopted before I need space again, older breeders that retire and don't get adopted etc), failure to thrive (ie, scrawny babies that just don't make it if left alive), and feeder quality mice (temperament issues). The biggest health problem I'm dealing with is when mice that have siamese/splash blood get a tumor/cyst or two as they get old. Old age masses are one of the hardest things to get rid of because you don't see them until the mouse is nearly done breeding. Outside of masses, I've had mites once (twice if you go back 25 years to college), pinworm once, and coccidia twice (once in the whole colony, once in quarantine but I still treated the whole colony just in case), one malocclusion, two head tilts (one of which was a circler), two URIs, a couple of cloudy/ulcerated eyes (can happen when they scratch themselves), and a couple penile prolapses way back at the start of the siamese line. I've had one line collapse (the tricolor line) due to bad founding animals. And that's across over two decades of breeding! And I can count them because I remember each case because it's unusual to have lots of health problems with mice, if you've been careful with initial stock, selection, and biosecurity.

What I'm trying to say is, don't be too anxious about it. While it will come up, and you'll have to deal with it harshly when it does, it's also not likely that you'll be up to your ears in health issues on a daily basis or anything.

Good luck with them and feel free to ask if you have other questions!

[theoi-crow]

I'm sorry if this question seems strange, but what do you do if you feel like you've been abandoned by the divine? Not only can I barely feel their presence in my life despite talking and praying to them, but I'm about to enter a very difficult chapter in my life so I feel like they're abandoning me when I need them the most.

I'm getting jaw joint replacement surgery in April and my surgeon told me that it will cause severe nerve and muscle damage in my face, and that I'll lose most of the feeling and movement in my entire face and neck. It's a surgery that will change my entire life moving forward and I feel like crying because I can't feel the presence of the Theoi or any other Gods, despite needing them the most right now.

I've heard that the gods never truly abandon us, but what do we do when we still can't feel them even after crying out? What am I supposed to do right now? I apologize for the vent, but I really need some guidance rn and I love and admire your blog, so I hope it's okay to ask you this. Thank you

I want to start this very important ask by first saying that I think the gods are still with you because I got this very urgent feeling to answer this question and the energy felt like it was coming from them so they were helping me gather the scientific research needed to answer why it's hard to sense them right now (which took me a few days longer to complete than I had previously anticipated). I had to go through a similar surgery with the same possible outcome a couple of years ago and the wait leading up to it was one of the hardest moments of my life so I can sympathize with how difficult this situation is for you right now.

The answer to this ask is very long because I wanted to use scientific research to thoroughly explain why it feels like the gods have abandoned you and have added things that could help sense them again:

Why is it hard to sense the gods right now?

There are times when I can't hear the gods at all and it happens when I'm very upset and need them the most. This is a very common experience for worshippers who are going through a crisis or when they're in a situation that causes their stress levels to get higher than usual.

There's even a scientific explanation for that:

According to Harvard research: Stress causes the amygdala to take over because it switches to survival mode and your amygdala governs the survival part of your brain. At the same time it reduces the energy sent to your brain's memory and other centers that help with cognitive function. Dr. Ressler says, "...the brain is shunting its resources because it's in survival mode..." The brain pumps us with cortisol (the stress hormone) and adrenaline to trigger our fight or flight response because it thinks we're being chased by an apex predator even though we no longer have to worry about predators like saber-toothed tigers and other fauna that once hunted us, but our bodies still respond by pumping us with chemicals needed to run away because we were hunter-gatherers for 1.8 million years (LINK) and only started engaging in agriculture and complex communities beyond family like villages and towns more recently so our brains and bodies are wired to react to stress as if we were still hunter-gatherers. The reason why I'm mentioning all of this is because when we have high levels of stress:

It's hard to sense the gods because the usual cognitive functions we're used to sensing them with are being impacted by the amygdala.

High levels of stress caused by situations that trigger the amygdala can change how your brain functions by changing your brain waves. In this situation the amygdala increases the beta waves (LINK). Neuroscience research studies brain waves based on these five categories: (LINK)

According to research the beta waves have three sections:

High Beta waves (18-40 Hz) - Are the ones that get affected by the amygdala because the brain only cares about survival when it thinks you are being chased by a wild predator which is different from the slower frequencies of ALPHA and THETA waves which help you better connect with the gods since ALPHA waves are reflective and THETA waves help you connect with your intuition (LINK) and both help you feel more spiritually connected (LINK).

How to change your brain waves and reconnect with the gods:

I have a really hard time hearing the gods when I'm in the middle of a crisis or my stress levels are very high so I often use different forms of meditation to bring my high Beta waves down to Alpha or Theta levels. Classic meditation has been proven to work in doing this (LINK) but since I have ADHD I have a hard time with that so I'm going to suggest other activities that go beyond the traditional form of meditation in case you have a condition that also keeps you from being able to meditate this way:

1) Deep breathing: According to the article talking about classic meditation that I linked to just a second ago, taking in deep breaths has been shown to change your brain patterns by boosting Alpha waves. I recommend taking 3-10 deep breaths, or however much you would prefer and ending it with "my gods are with me," either said out loud or in your head. Here's a little gif that can help guide you but please go slower if you need to or ignore it if it doesn't help.

2) Dancing or exercising: Even though we have gone beyond the hunter-gatherer lifestyle, our bodies are still specifically designed for a hunter-gatherer body so when the amygdala triggers your fight or flight response, it will not stop until it senses the danger has passed. Exercise/dancing fools the brain into thinking you are doing something about that predator (either running or fighting) which helps it finish the process a lot faster. After it's done it will lower you from your high Beta three waves to lower beta waves, this will make it easier for you to reach your Alpha and Theta waves and thus spiritually connect with the gods. I suggest making a playlist full of songs that remind you of your gods and exercise/dance to them or ones that get you moving even if it's just swaying.

3) Light stretches or light exercises that require deep breathing like Yoga, Tai Chi or others within this category: I often do Yoga because it helps me do the first two suggestions rolled into one. Movement is very important for the body to tell the amygdala you are physically doing something to get to safety (again, hunter-gatherer bodies require hunter-gatherer solutions). By doing light exercises and deep breathing you are releasing the tension triggered by your cortisol levels and simultaneously lowering your brain waves from beta to alpha or theta levels. Add positive affirmations about your connection to the gods ("my gods are with me" or something similar) and imagine them with you while you do this.

4) Listening to music: Earlier I suggested making a playlist of songs that remind you of your gods that you can dance to but just listening to the music will also help. I suggest only listening to songs you want to listen to because even if a song reminds you of a god but you don't like it, don't add it. Make sure the music moves your emotions even if the song is angry or painful, so long as you're feeling the song, it'll help move your beta waves to a more relaxing state and fool your brain into thinking you're doing something about that perceived predator.

5) Journaling: The god I have the hardest time hearing is Apollo so I sometimes use spiritual journaling to connect with him. Spiritual journaling is great because it helps you use different parts of the brain that may not be as affected by the amygdala. Plus you'll have a record of your conversations with the gods in case you need to refer to them for past advice or days when you can't hear them. The way spiritual journaling works is you allow the gods to write through you by following a few simple rules:

1) Write everything down, whatever is in your head in whatever form it's in, even if it's a positive or negative thought, it doesn't have to be fancy or poetic, it can even be crass or harsh but it needs to be typed or written. Don't worry about your spelling because that'll slow down your writing and the point is to get it all out and not overthink it. Writing it down uses a different part of your brain that can help you sense the gods better in case your usual methods aren't working.

2) Ask the gods questions and write down whatever comes to your head. Be specific about which god you are talking to, for example it might look like this: "Hey Apollo I need help with this thing, what is it? My mind won't shut up about that thing I said 3 years ago, breath with me, in 1, 2, 3, out, 1, 2, 3, again in 1, 2, 3, out, 1, 2, 3, better? Yeah, thanks." I colored Apollo's parts with the orange font for the sake of clarity but I'm writing what is coming to my mind as I talk to Apollo so on the paper it will be whatever color your pen or font is, don't worry about differentiating between who is talking until you re-read it later.

3) you can type or write it but be sure to use whichever method you are most comfortable doing fast because you don't want to have time to second guess yourself wondering if that was you or the gods. It's easy for doubt to happen in these situations. The problem with doubt is that it causes a disconnection since you are allowing the gods to write through you but your mind will try to question if you're just making it up. It's one of those "trust the process" situations that take time to get used to.

6) "What would my god do/say?" This is the most important question for worshippers who can't hear or sense their gods. Sometimes I do this with Apollo or Athena because I can't always hear them so I'd go "what would Apollo say right now? He'd probably tell me it's better to do my physical therapy right now or I'll regret it tomorrow because he's the god of medicine and cares about my health." Or I'll sometimes go, "if Athena were here, what would she do? As the goddess of strategy she would probably ask me if I thought about plans B and C in case plan A falls through." Sometimes you have to guess what your gods will say until you can hear them again. This works your memory by helping you recall information you learned about the gods and/or past experiences you've had with them and eventually you will have these gut feelings about what the gods would say or do as if it's the gods themselves telling you.

7) Every time you think of your gods, assume your gods triggered that thought: In my Native American culture, we believe that when you suddenly think of an ancestor (or a family member who recently died) it means they are hugging you from the spirit world, likewise, whenever I suddenly think of the gods I assume they are triggering that thought and sending me messages, for example I'll suddenly think to myself "I should probably drink some water," and get a sudden image of Apollo so to me Apollo is the one who is telling me to drink water.

8) Be in Nature: Unlike the religious buildings we see today, the temples of the gods were not designed to be places of worship for humans but places for humans to store whatever gifts they gave them because the ancient Greeks believed nature was where the gods were worshipped, especially mountains that required effort for humans to reach or places that took your breath away. That being said, the gods I turn to when I can't connect with mine are Helios, Selene and Gaia because these are the gods I can immediately see and touch. Gaia is all around you, Helios will blind you if you stare at him for too long and Selene will keep whatever secret you tell her while you're admiring her moon form. Likewise, your gods also have nature aspects or concepts they embody like Aphrodite being the concept of love or Athena being wisdom. You can be with your gods by engaging with the realms and concepts they rule over or embody.

9) Arts and Crafts with your gods: While drawing or crafting whatever activity relaxes you, have an honest conversation with your gods and use the "what would the gods do/say" method to assume what they'll say. Play relaxing or inspiring music in the background for a more enjoyable experience.

10) Hug your gods or Cry on your gods: Sometimes crying on the lap of your god or hugging a pillow/stuffed animal while imagining you are hugging your god might help you feel both better and better connected. I wrote posts on how to cry on a god here and how to hug a god here.

11) Classic Meditation: It's been proven to work (LINK) but the act of meditating in this form doesn't always work for everyone so I added it later but still wanted to include it in case it'll work for you or you wish to try it.

12) Prayer: Prayer works like meditation in that it can also bring your beta three waves to alpha and theta levels but my disclaimer is that you have to feel the prayer move you. As someone who grew up Catholic I can pray in my sleep without knowing what I'm saying by only going through the motions of praying without ever feeling the words because I've been told what to say since I was three when more complex words were just sounds to me and never understood what I was saying until I was 12 and had to write it down for Sunday school, so prayer is only at the bottom of this list because it never worked for me until I started making up my own prayers. You also have the option of using Hymns as prayers but I'll write down how to make up a prayer in case you need it. To make up your own prayer you can use epithets that represent whatever specific aspect of the god you want to connect with if you're looking for a specific aspect. You can use epithets they already have in theoi.com or you can make up an epithet yourself in whatever language you are most connected to. You can praise the gods based on their hymns or past experiences you've had with them. You can make it as simple or as poetic as you'd like but you have to have a very honest and open heart when you are making up a prayer that will move you. You need to feel the words and make a prayer that will bring you peace and comfort. I sometimes sing Happy by Marina (LINK) or Venus by Sleeping at Last (LINK) to Aphrodite because they are songs that make me feel peaceful and feel like prayers so I wanted to add these to remind you that you can also use songs as prayers too since hymns were sometimes sung.

In conclusion:

Even if you can't sense the gods, they are with you, it's just that in our hectic lives we often forget we are still subject to the physical functions of the brain which controls what switches will be turned on or off and unfortunately it's hard to hear the gods when we are in our Beta three state because we're in a crisis and it has decided to turn off intuition and the ability to sense spiritual connections because those are in the Alpha and Theta levels but the amygdala puts us in beta three because its main priority is to either fight or outrun whatever apex predator it thinks is putting your life at risk. We may not remember a time when we had to fight or outrun wild predators but our bodies and brains still act as if we are and will limit the energy to other cognitive functions until it thinks we are safe. This is also why people who try to control others use fear tactics because it's easier to control someone in Beta three since their cognitive functions are disrupted and they will do anything for safety and security even if it means giving up their rights in exchange for it.

The brain makes it harder to sense the gods because it is prioritizing your safety and has turned everything else off in order to protect you. Gently thank it because it's only doing what it has evolved to do to guarantee your safety, and try any of the activities I listed above to help reconnect with your gods or feel free to try new ones so long as they will help turn your Beta Three waves into Alpha or Theta waves.

May your connection to the gods be easy, clear, and loud when they bring you peace.

[mj-iza-writer]

So this next story is going to be a historical fiction whump. I have a section divider up as I think this is one of my longest stories yet. I have been wanting to write a history based whump for quite a while, but I was never able to think of something that would work.

I have been learning the Russian language and a dear friend of mine here on Tumblr has taught me so much of their Russian culture. I feel so enlightened on Russia. I would honestly love to visit.

One thing this friend has just taught me was The Siege of Leningrad. St. Petersburg sits where Leningrad sat. I had never been taught this, but did you know Nazi Germany tried to seize a Russian city during World War 2. I watched a video of the history as I wanted to know more about this part of history. I can say it was disturbing, but as a history buff, you have to take the good and the bad parts of World History.

The story below is historical fiction. I did use elements of what I learned to hopefully paint a picture to tell you about this part of history. You will see time traveling, lab rat Whumpee, Caretaker, Carewhumper, survivors guilt, environment whump, historical whump. Thats only the tip of the iceberg as well as I can't think of what else to tag this as.

Again it is long, but I really enjoyed writing this, and I really hope you enjoy reading.

Story warnings: mentions of an actual war, people doing what they cam to survive (graphic), swearing.

Please enjoy my first major attempt at historical whump. -MJ

Aleksandr typed in Leningrad into their computer.

"What does that mean, Aleksi?", Hannah cautiously glanced at the screen.

"Oh, it's what St. Petersburg use to be called", Aleksandr sighed, "back when I was a very young child."

"Like my age?", Hannah now looked at the computer bravely as they had seen they weren't bothering the older researcher.

"Well, younger, I was very young. You can see I've typed The Siege of Leningrad here", Aleksandr pointed, "this was a very important part of my countries history."

Hannah looked up curiously.

Aleksandr pulled the young lab rat onto his lap, "do you want to look at this with me? It is rather sad, but it will tell you a lot about my early years."

"Will I bother you?", Hannah looked up nervously, "I know not to bother Dr. Aleksi when he is busy."

"You won't bother me dear", Aleksandr laughed.

Hannah watched as the computer screen clicked to a photo. Hannah quickly covered their eyes.

"Sorry, yes.... that was a little graphic for you. Unfortunately that is what it looked like back then."

"Aleksi... was that a real person?", Hannah looked up nervously.

"Yes, they were real. That poor soul had scurvy. Unfortunately starvation led them to that horrible disease", Aleksandr clicked away quickly.

"Did they survive?", Hannah looked up.

"Unfortunately they did not", Aleksandr hugged the lab rat close, "maybe you shouldn't be shown this stuff. You're still very innocent."

"Please let me, Dr. Aleksi, please", Hannah pleaded.

"Okay, you can see, but if you get too uncomfortable we will stop", Aleksandr adjusted how Hannah sat, "here, выпей немного воды (have some water), your lips look chapped."

Hannah took the offered cup from the researcher and drank it quickly.

"So this started in September of 1941, during World War two. It was a troubling time for our world, but for a long time it didn't affect Russia not until that fateful day", Aleksandr paused to click to another picture, "I was just about to turn ten. My father had planned on coming home early that day to celebrate. He did come home early, and we tried to celebrate as much as we could. There was an uncomfortable feeling in the room. I overheard my parents talking about it. I was still too young to understand."

"There you are", someone yelled at the entrance to Aleksandr's door.

"I'm in trouble", Hannah whispered a sigh.

"Timothy, I am in the middle of something with Hannah", Aleksandr looked up at their partner.

"No, because I am in the middle of something with them. They snuck out of their restraints when I went to grab something", Timothy stormed to Hannah.

"Hannah is that true?", Aleksandr looked down at the lab rat.

"Yesh", Hannah whispered sadly.

"You little scamp", Aleksandr chuckled.

"Come on. You can come back to this later", Timothy grabbed Hannah's wrist and pulled her.

"Ow", Hannah complained sadly, "but Aleksi was telling me about his childhood."

"I can tell you more later. Do as Timothy says", Aleksandr turned and watched Hannah as they were dragged out of the room.

He turned to the next picture, which happened to be a picture of his family.

"You are so naughty", Timothy tightened the straps, "you know better than to escape during experiments."

Hannah whimpered, "I'm sorry."

"I guess that's what I get for leaving you unattend... wait, did you have water?", Timothy took a closer look.

"Yes, Aleksi gave me some while we were talking", Hannah frowned, "was that a no-no?"

"Yes that was a no-no", Timothy sighed, "great."

"How did the experiment go?", Aleksandr walked into the lab and saw Hannah was playing with some toys on the floor near Timothy's desk.

"It had to be rescheduled. They weren't supposed to have water", Timothy smiled weakly.

"Oh no, that was my fault. I apologize", Aleksandr frowned, "I just saw her dry lips and was concerned."

"I understand. You tend to keep an eye on hydration", Timothy sighed, "I can easily reschedule the test."

"When you grow up like I did... when water was scarce", Aleksandr side glanced Hannah, "I'm kind of glad you came and grabbed them. I don't think they were ready to learn about Leningrad."

Timothy nodded, "yes, unfortunately I wasn't ready either. I know what you are talking about, that's why I'm not mad. I'm just working on this idea for time travel right now."

"Oh, maybe you can go back in time and find out where I left my glasses", Aleksandr sighed.

Timothy pointed at their own forehead, "I found them."

Aleksandr reached up, and chuckled, "well, at least I won't lose my head, so they were never lost."

"Yes that would be bad if you lost your head", Timothy nodded, "what are your plans for tomorrow?"

"I was actually going to rest tomorrow. These eighties are hitting me hard", Aleksandr sighed.

"Of course, you can take as many days as you like. We will try to leave the lab standing while your gone", Timothy smiled, "right Hannah?"

"Yes sir", Hannah looked up.

"Very well, take care of them", Aleksandr turned.

"I will", Timothy grinned.

"Oh, I was talking to Hannah", Aleksandr smiled mischievously.

Hannah giggled.

The next day, Hannah frowned when they walked into the lab room.

"What's that?", Hannah pointed.

"That is a time machine prototype", Timothy sighed without looking up, "don't touch."

Hannah looked at it nervously, "do-does it work?"

"I don't know yet", Timothy looked up finally, "its a prototype, I stayed up when an idea hit me. That was what I came up with. It's supposed to connect to the computer. The idea is to search something and be able to go to the destination. We can go back in time or into the future. Hopefully we can also go to different places. I would love to take Aleksandr to St. Petersburg one more time before....", Timothy sighed.

"Before he retires from the lab", Hannah smiled.

"Yeah", Timothy choked out, "before... he retires."

"He will probably love retirement", Hannah grinned, "what does this d...."

"Don't touch it", Timothy had looked down, "Hannah?.... Hannah?"

Timothy looked up, the machine was glowing... Hannah was gone. Suddenly the machine glitched and turned off.

"Shit.... shit... shit", Timothy jumped, "no no no. Aleksandr is going to kill me if I lose another lab rat.... especially Hannah."

"Turn on... please turn on", Timothy pleaded, "shit... Aleksi is going to retire me if I don't fix this."

Timothy hurried to the computer, "please tell me someone searched a safe place recently. That would at least make me feel a little better about Hannah's predicament.

Timothy's breath caught when he read the screen.

"Siege of Leningrad"

"Oh no, oh no.... no no no", Timothy looked back at the machine, "I am dead, I am very much dead. Hannah is doomed... and I am dead."

Aleksandr sipped the last of their tea.

"Let's go see what they are up to. I said I would take today off. I never said I wouldn't check in", they set their cup aside, "maybe Hannah will have some free time and we can read together. Hopefully get her mind off of Leningrad."

Timothy panicked when they saw Aleksandr walk past and reach for the door.

"I'm about to die. I'm about to be murdered by an eighty year old Russian man", Timothy gulped, "and I deserve it."

"Hey Timothy, I was wondering if Hannah was busy. I'd like to read with them", Aleksandr looked around, "where is the scamp... oh... is that your time machine."

"Ymhmm", Timothy squeaked, "we have a problem."

"You look quite pale. Are you sick?", Aleksandr frowned.

"No, but uhm... I've lost Hannah", Timothy's voice caught.

"You what?", Aleksandr's frown deepened, "lost as in playing hide and seek, and you can't find them, I hope."

Timothy could only shake their head.

"Ты что, шутишь? (Are you fucking kidding me?)", Caretaker yelled.

"It was an accident. I told them not to touch it. They asked what something did, then they disappeared. The machine glitched and turned off.... it won't turn back on",  Timothy gulped, "I've tried everything.. honest."

"Where the heck did they end up?", Aleksandr glared.

Timothy's hands shook as they pointed at the screen.

Aleksandr paled, "get them back... get them back now."

"I can't.... it won't turn on... I've been trying all morning", Timothy pleaded, "I told them not to touch."

"This is Hannah we are talking about. You know as well as I do that they have curious hands", Aleksandr hurried to the desk, "come on, we need to get them back. You just signed their death certificate."

Hannah fearfully hid in an alley. Explosions were happening everywhere. Screaming, yelling, crying.

Hannah blinked away tears, "where am I?"

Another explosion happened in the building sitting in front of them.

Hannah panicked and ran out of the alley and into the streets. Many others were also running.

Hannah quickly looked back. In their distracted haste, they tripped and fell to the ground.

Hannah's eyes were filled with dirt and ash. They tried to wipe it away. They could finally see a fuzzy image of what they tripped over.

Hannah covered their mouth to muffle a scream. A dead man reached out to them. Some parts of the corpse seemed to be butchered away. They had been dead for a day or so, Hannah guessed.

Hannah quickly crawled away and got up and ran.

Everywhere they ran seemed to bring new images of suffering. Children crying next to corpses. People stealing food and running away. Women with cuts down their arms... hugging their babies in front of charred buildings.

Hannah finally found another place to hide.

"It's so cold here", she shivered, "I wonder where I am. I hope wherever this is, Dr. Timothy can find me. I hope it's soon."

People ran past.

"That almost sounds like words Aleksi has said in the lab", Hannah listened, "am I-I in Russia?", she looked around, "I-I wonder if this is what Aleksi was showing me yesterday. I really wish I could have learned a little more. I don't even remember what this was called."

Hannah looked down, "I'm not going to make it long. It's freezing, and if I'm where I think I am, I'm going to freeze to death. I stick out, obviously. I'm not dressed for the period. It's better to hide out here and hope Aleksi and Dr. Timothy will get me. I hope that's soon."

That night Hannah huddled next to a smoldering building for warmth. People were still out. It seemed some were dragging dead bodies to somewhere. Some where crying in front of the fallen buildings that had been bombed earlier. Others were scavenging for anything they could find to eat.

"I-is this what Aleksi grew up in, and he said he was ten during this time period", Hannah felt her stomach rumble, "I haven't eaten today either. But I'll be okay."

Days passed without signs of Aleksi and Dr. Timothy.

Hannah was witness to horror after horror.

"I want to go home", Hannah cried that night as they huddled next to another building that had been bombed. They had watched several bodies get pulled from the rubble only a few hours ago.

"I'm cold.... it's so cold", Hannah pulled a torn cloth they had found tighter around them, "I'm hungry... I can't find food."

Hannah had tried to scavenge some food, but they needed a card to actually get something from any stores.

"Of course.... wars mean rations. I don't have a ration card... I'm not from this time. I don't look like I'm from this time."

Hannah yawned, "I'm tired. I can't sleep. If I sleep... I'll freeze to death", they licked their lips, "Aleksi would be forcing me to drink water right now. Your lips are chapped, he'd tell me. I don't know where to get water... I don't even know if I can safely drink it. I'm in the danger zone tomorrow. I've gone to long without water. Dr. Timothy says three days is the max. I need to be careful."

Hannah limped through the shadows. They tried to stay out of the way of the inhabitants. Nobody seemed to notice them. Or at least they ignored Hannah. Everyone seemed to ignore each other. It was survival of the fittest here. You took care of yours, and that was it."

Hannah fell to the side, they stumbled a few steps and fell to their knees.

"My body is not doing good. I don't know how these people are surviving like this. I've been here for at least four days now, they have been living this since... uh, whenever Aleksi said this started."

Hannah huddled beside a building.

"Алекса́ндр (Aleksandr)", a woman called as a young child climbed through some rubble.

"Мама, смотри (mama, look)", the child pointed at Hannah.

The woman pulled on the child's arm and led them away from the strange person.

Hannah sighed, "that sounded like she said Aleksandr. I really hope they come and get me. They have a bad habit of losing lab rats, but Aleksi has warned about messing with time travel."

Hannah buried her face into her arms, "they wouldn't leave me... right?"

"Hannah?"

She thought she heard a familiar voice call for her.

"I think the dehydration is getting to me", Hannah blinked tiredly, "or the lack of sleep. That sounds like Aleksi."

"Hannah?", the voice got closer.

"Aleksi?", Hannah peaked out.

An old man limped toward her. Cane in hand.

"Aleksi!!", Hannah cried as she ran out of her hiding spot towards him.

"Oh thank goodness", Aleksandr sighed in relief as he hugged her tight, "I'm so glad you're okay. Here we need to get home. You're in desperate need of medical attention."

Hannah cried, "I'm so happy to see you."

"I'm happy to see you as well. Come along... our presence has already messed with this part of history", Aleksandr turned.

"How did you find me?", Hannah quickly followed.

"My past self saw you, that child was me. I was able to remember you", Aleksandr frowned, "we shouldn't be messing with history like this. Close your eyes."

A bright light shown.

"You may open your eyes now", Aleksandr instructed.

Hannah opened their eyes and looked around.

"Oh thank heavens",  a relieved voice came from behind.

"Dr. Timothy?", Hannah turned.

"You're home", Timothy almost sounded as though they were promising themself that and not Hannah.

"Medical attention first. We will talk after that. Food, IV, and fluids. Bath", Aleksandr ordered as they limped out of the room.

"I-is he mad?", Hannah whimpered as Timothy picked them up.

"He's mad at me for the incident, and I'm sure he was not happy to see his city like that. It brings back bad memories", Timothy explained, "I would have went in after you, but he said he would be able to find you better."

Hannah rested in a hospital bed. They had an IV of fluid in one arm. Their other arm had an IV that was pumping in nutrients. A third IV was also placed in their wrist to give them medicine for any illnesses they could have contracted while in Leningrad.

Hannah was now wrapped in several blankets. Dr. Timothy fed them one of their favorite meals and even dessert.

Hannah's eyes were growing heavy when Aleksandr walked into the room.

"Aleksi", Whumpee's eyes opened widely, "are you okay?"

"I was about to ask you the same question", Aleksandr sat down, "I read over the charts and Timothy did good to get you taken care of."

Aleksandr watched as Hannah looked down.

"I'm afraid you saw more than what I wanted you to see. It was even harder I could imagine as you couldn't understand what was being said around you. I didn't want you to know about everything, but it would have been better that I had told you why Leningrad was under siege."

Aleksandr explained the history to Hannah as they waited for the medicine to finish.

"I saw so many horrific things. I tripped over a corpse. I-I-I saw a horse get butchered alive, and other animals. People were just as scary", Hannah looked at Aleksandr sadly, "why did that happen?"

"It's hard to say. Power makes people hungry. They want more and more. No matter how much they get.... it's never enough", Aleksandr sighed, "I'm glad we got you back. Remember this all happened for 900 days."

"I'm so glad you survived it", Hannah smiled, "I wouldn't have been able to be with you had you not."

"Well, I had a good mother who took care of me", Aleksandr smiled.

"That woman... the one who pulled you away... she had cuts on her arms. I had seen them on others. May I ask what those were from?", Hannah looked at Aleksandr with curious eyes.

"No, as for right now... you have seen enough", Aleksandr smiled weakly, "you need to sleep. Your eye lids are very dark."

"Wi-will you sit with me.... just for a little while?", Hannah frowned, "I don't want to be alone."

"I will sit with you until you fall asleep. How does that sound?", Aleksandr leaned up and started to pet Hannah's head to comfort her. He hummed a song his mom would sing every night, whether in the bomb shelter or elsewhere."

Hannah's eyelids were no match. They were asleep in minutes.

Aleksandr sighed as they sat back. Flashbacks were haunting him since a few days ago. Now seeing it all in person again.

Memories of his mom cutting her arm open and forcing Aleksandr to drink the blood. It was the only thing she could think to do to keep her starving child alive.

She had gotten sick from the diseases carried by the overpopulation of rats.

Aleksandr remembered sitting next to his mother's corpse all day at the age of eleven. Waiting for his father to come home from the factory. His father never returned. A bomb had been dropped on the factory that morning.

Aleksandr wiped a tear, "I'm haunted by these memories", Aleksandr whispered, "then I see my mom walking again."

Aleksandr turned to Hannah and watched them as their chest gently rose and fell.

"I'm sorry you were witness to that", Aleksandr sighed, "we did what we had to do to survive back then."

"Yes you did", a voice came from behind, "sorry, I was checking on Whumpee and heard you talking. I thought maybe you were talking to her, I didn't want to disturb you. Any survivors of wars should be commemorated. There should never be any shame."

"More like survivors guilt. Why couldn't my family have survived. My best friend. Everyone I loved", Aleksandr's whispers were raspy. My momma was so beautiful. She didn't deserve that."

"Your mom did what she knew she needed to do to keep you safe", Timothy patted Aleksandr on the shoulder, "she would be happy to know how long you've lived because of her efforts, your father also. You lived in spite of what happened. I am so honored to work with you. I always have been honored to work with you."

Aleksandr smiled weakly, "we should let this one sleep. Hannah has had a long few days. She will need a lot of rest."

"Yes all test have been postponed until you say", Timothy nodded, "that's another thing. Without you I would have never been able to fix the time machine, and I wouldn't have found her."

"She wouldn't have ended up there if my Leningrad file hadn't been pulled up to begin with", Aleksandr stood.

"Still, just like your parents did their best with you and did what they could to keep you alive. You did your best for Hannah. We got her back to safety", Timothy smiled, "maybe with your help, we can make the machine travel. We can zap into different places to visit. You can visit St. Petersburg and Moscow if you like. The possibilities are endless."

"I don't know if I want anything else to do with that. Hannah is absolutely not allowed anywhere near that thing either", Aleksandr frowned, "she's had enough time traveling for one lifetime."

Timothy nodded, "alright, let's get some sleep. We have both been working nonstop. I need my beauty sleep, and you are way past those days to be missing sleep."

Aleksandr chuckled, "I may sit here for a little longer. In case she need something", Aleksandr smiled at Hannah.

"Alright Aleksi, get some rest though, but I understand", Timothy yawned, "see you in a little while."

"Yes, I'll see you", Aleksandr reached up and adjusted one of the blankets.

They hummed the song their mom had sang to them so many times.

Whumpee sighed in peace.

"Congratulations, you survived the siege of Leningrad, my dear. Even if it was a few days, you did something I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy", Aleksandr whispered as they brushed Whumpee's freshly cleaned hair away from their face, "I'm very proud of you."

Taglist. As always please let me know if you want to be added or taken off of the list. It's not a problem at all.

@weirdthingweee @the-beasts-have-arrived

@sacredwrath @porschethemermaid

@monarchthefirst @generic-whumperz

@bloodyandfrightened @freefallingup13

@notpeppermint @cyborg0109

@idontreallyexistyet @painfulplots

@whumpbump @everythingsscary

@skittles-the-whumpee @expressionless-fr

@theforeverdyingperson @legendarydelusiongoatee

@candleshopmenace @whumpanthems

@lavndvrr @ivymyers

@starfields08000 @a-living-canvas

@lumpofsand @watermeezer

@indigoviolet311 @whumpy-mountains

@risk606 @electrons2006

@paperprinxe @whumprince

@kaz-of-crows @mis-graves

@decaffeinatedtimetraveler94 @sausages-things

@isikedmyself878 @daffyduckcommittedtaxfraud

@valravnthefrenchie @glennemerald

@jasperthecapser @does-directions

@jumpywhumpywriter @blackbirdsinatrenchcoat

@mylifeisonthebookshelf @thenormalestever

@whatwhump @galatic-worm

@starmoon-constellation @bacillusinfection

[foxofavernus]

like. especially neil newbon has talked about how astarion is PANSEXUAL and it was an important part of him relating to the character (among other things that he's also talked about in interviews). is neil himself less queer because he's married to a woman????? no!

just because the two situations he mentions in game are men (a stranger and sebastian), it does not mean he doesn't also like women and nonbinary individuals.

these characters aren't "playersexual", they are fucking pansexual/bisexual.

Karlach as an origin character literally has fantasies about male and female characters. Shadowheart is horny as fuck about ALL the other companions. Wyll only mentions having had a crush on Stelmane as a kid/teen and Gale only mentions sleeping with Mystra, does that make them straight? NO! They're literally all bi or pan. hell, even Minthara isn't a lesbian- she likes men sexually, but drow are a very misandrist race and see men as below them, so of COURSE she looks down on you when first meeting her as a male character.

this shit makes me so mad every time I see it. the fucking creators of the game and many of the actors have said that they are all bi/pan. Stop using language like "she's basically a lesbian 🤪" because that is something that pansexual and bisexual people have to fight every single fucking day already. Don't shove it on the fictional characters, too.

god, I'm so, so tired of seeing the biphobia regarding the bg3 companions.

No, Karlach isn't "actually a lesbian". No, Astarion isn't "actually gay". they are all bi/pan. canonically. just because Karlach is a big muscle woman and Astarion is a flamboyant twinkish man doesn't mean that either of them are any less bisexual.

when you say shit like "Astarion is romanceable for both genders but I think he actually is gay!" thats just one of the most basic biphobic stereotypes reheated. since time immemorial bi men who are not stereotypically masculine have been accused of being gay, actually.

erasing these characters' bisexuality because it doesn't fit your stereotypical idea of what a "real" bi person is like is just plain old biphobia and I'm getting tired of repeatedly seeing companion headcanons rewriting their sexuality to better fit into shitty stereotypes.

[cerisia76]

the character everyone gets wrong

which ship fans are the most annoying?

what character did you begin to hate not because of canon but because how how the fandom acts about them?

worst part of canon

worst part of fanon

it's absolutely criminal that the fandom has been sleeping on...

part of canon you think is overhyped

your favorite part of canon that everyone else ignores

ship you've unwillingly come around to

Okay a character everyone gets wrong in winx club would definitly be... well it's a group of people but I really think people don't really give Wizards of the black circle the credit and recognition they deserve. Maybe it's because they come from season 4 that today more people like to bash but they actually were so interesting as villains. Like to me what makes them stand out is how they don't give a f^ck about the Winx. in the episode where the girls get their believix (still one of my favs) there is a moment where they have total control over the girls and Ogron basically says "don't be afraid they won't do anything to you, all that we want is Roxy". And actually they already told the girls they had nothing against them and well it is actually true. Like Valtor told Bloom he just wanted her to stay out of the way two seconds before making Aisha/Layla blind. Wizards started being really dangerous to the girls when they became an obstacle for them. They don't care about the Winx because they don't care about the Magical Dimension. They have something to do, a mission to complete and it's their goal. They also have one of the most interesting dynamic as a group and I feel people should talk about it more instead of... fangirling over Duman for the part that cares about the wizards. Nothing against him it's just that I feel like he's the least interesting in the group sorry not sorry.

Also Riven and Roy. Really should explain more about Roy. But I think your other questions can help me.

(tumblr had nothing better and as I'm on my computer I don't have my collection of gifs of them)

Which ship fans are the most annoying? Oh a though one because I don't really interact with fans of ships I don't like. However I will have to give the palm to some representative of the Rivusa fanbase and I'm sorry for you all Rivusa non-toxic fans who have to deal with such problematic people who think that defending a ship is insulting people. Also sorry to those who are good but I had many problems with some Bloom x put the name of the villain you prefer fans. Like sometimes I just want to talk but they take everything as an insult like when I ask "how did you come to ship Bloom with Valtor?" they see it has "lol how on earth can you be stupid enough to ship her with the guy responsible for her parents' fate". Once again not everyone but these fanbase were my worst experiences.

Bloom is basically me dealing with toxic fans

A character that the fandom made me hate: This time I have to go with Mirta. I never was a fan of Mirta but the way the fandom praises her made me feel so out of it that everytime I rewatched season one, I was trying to understand why fans loved her so much and the more I was rewatching, the more I hated this poor Mirta. Today i won't say I hate her because I feel like she had a pretty decent arc and a character that is good for a supportive character (not for a permanent member PLEASE DON'T) and she's cute but for a time I really couldn't stand her face because I felt like she was so overrated by the fandom it made her dislikable.

Worst part of canon: I would say the fact that instead of being very clear when they decided to do their soft reboot in season 5n they chose to do things without being clear enough. Plus they kept things from past seasons but with the new timeline it makes no sense and gives so many plot holes. Even if I kinda like season 5, this soft reboot is still the worst part of canon for me. Plus and this is unpopular as hell, Nabu and Layla's love story. I'm sorry to you fans of this ship who love to say it's the best love story of the franchise but I never was able to buy it. It came definitly out of nowhere, still is a part that annoys me in season 3 and was forced and way too fast. If they had introduced Nabu sooner in season 3 or made them meet the group sooner maybe that impression I had of being forced something in my throat wouldn't have been there but it's here.

Obviously I also have to give Rivusa a palm but I would say the worst part of their story is THE FACT THAT THEY GOT BACK TOGETHER IN SEASON 4. They both finally had grow up and were mature enough to realise that they weren't good for each other. But instead of accepting it... well they got back together.

Look how babyboy is adorable here holding this thing (don't really know what it is supposed to be like it's a wall but not a wall) like it's his teddy bear... Adorable.

Worst part of fanon: The way some people can't stop fighting for their headcanons against other people. Like we all have the right to have our headcanons it doesn't mean we should fight. For example I have the headcanon that Timmy and Tecna are an asexual couple and it goes against many of my friends headcanon that Tecna is aroace. I will never fight with them about it because it's an headcanon. Just respect your neighbour and let him ship Driven without pissing him off for no reason.

It's absolutely criminal that the fandom has been sleeping on Roy. This guy isn't bland and without a personality like some of his haters may say. He's a sweet guy who never liked a girl before and falls in love with his princess who is also dealing with grief and he's respectful enough to not want to piss her off or be too much. If he got along with the girls and the guys even if this season and season 6 criminally lack of Specialist's friendship moments, it's because he's a sunny guy with a great humor and a personality that goes along with people. He's an extrovert who loves to go and talk with people discovering what interests them and who loves to try new things. And this is absolutely not in my headcanons that are really numerous for him, all of this is shown in the show when he's here and people should stop hating on him just because he appeared after Nabu's death. Plus this reason to hate him is also unfair considering he has nothing to do with the writers decision to kill Nabu in season 4 (unpopular opinion: they were right to do this).

He has so few gifs it hurts me.

Part of canon you think is overhyped: Season 3 and Enchantix. Don't get me wrong, the concept and execution of Enchantix was great and I loved it, it's definitly one of the best transformations in Winx Club. But it also has problematic parts that are for me the way Tecna, Stella, Musa and Layla have clothes that are way too over-sexualising them.And I say that with Stella's enchantix being my favourite transformation for her. An yes I know every transformation has this problem at least once but the thing is that here, it's on almost everyone and it's so obvious. People keep saying it's the most incredible transformation and the "only one where they look like fairies" as if weknew what fairies look like. My fairies are Tinkerbell and her friends and Enchantix doesn't look like them. But WHATEVER. It's a good transformation, definitly has the best way to be earned but is that a crime when someone says it's not their favourite? No and we shouldn't see so many comments saying "if his/her favourite transformation isn't Enchantix...." on youtube rankings of the transformations.

But it's also relevant for season 3. The thing is that season 3 is good but wants to do too much at the same time and loses its own timeline. The first part of the season varies from episodes were everything happens at the same time and others where the plot installs itself. Which leads to the second part of the season where everything goes downhill with many boring episodes and a rushed and deceiving ending. I don't get why people praise it so much because objectively it's not better than seasons 1 and 2 and subjectively not than season 4 in my opinion. It looks like the season was being written episode by episode and suddenly they realised they had ten episodes to conclude the season and started doing WTF and rushed endings of arcs. Plus I don't like the Water Stars scenaristic facility. Sorry not sorry.

Let's be honest, if she had the choice, Tecna wouldn't wear it because it's absolutely not practical. And I also dislike how they decided her hair was too short. Magix Winx, Believix and later seasons transformations except Harmonix showed you could do a transformation with her hair not changing from the rest of the season.

Your favourite part of canon that everybody else ignores: For once I'm not gonna go with easy choices like season 4, Wizards of the Black circle or Roy. I'm gonna go with a plot point everybody keep forgetting and that is: Darcy is a fucking romantic girl. Did she chose power over her boyfriend? Yes but it doesn't mean she's not a romantic person. In season 1, the way she falls for Riven everytime she sees him shows how she wants to build something with him. In season 2 she mentions at the start of the first or second episode that she sometimes thinks of a simple life when she was watching that in love couple (it was a movie I think) and her sisters KNOW she is romantic because they keep laughing at her about it. I'm really sad they decided to forget about that later because it made her character more complete. She's kind of a bitch who dreams of power but she also has a soft heart beating for romantic comedies and who sometimes allows itself (the heart) to dream of a romance. With Riven of course.

Ship you'v unwillingly come around to: There are many but I would still say that the one I wish I never saw is Faragonda x Bloom. How gross it is to imagine the influence this woman has on Bloom since she's sixteen turning into a gross love story? I want to forget it. I do ship Bloom with people and considering the only canon Winx pairings I like in the original group are Brandon/Stella and Tecna/Timmy (Flora/Helia is fine but I prefer her with someone who wakes her baddie and flirty side like Anagan for example or Layla). Bloom to me would fit SO WELL with Nabu. Like he is the soft guy who understands her but also the one who's not afraid to tell her she fucked up and who would treat her right and not let her insecurities win because that's what Sky does by NEVER putting a term to Diaspro's fantasy. But this is mostly linked to the writers loving to torture Bloom and Diaspro.

And this is both Bloom after she finally found peace in a relationship and me after finishing to answer these questions by talking WAY too much!

[daisybell-on-a-carousel]

Still very wild to me when people try to gotcha Jason with the whole "if you can kill other people for being evil why can't they kill you" when jason is like. One of the most passively suicidal characters I've ever seen. What if man

[mohntilyet]

not to mention the entire antaam fleet like 😭 that was the PERFECT moment to show off what the lords could do!!! The antaam fucked over rivain, theyve been a thorn in the whole nations side for a long time now, they would not pass up a chance for payback via full scale naval warfare so that the veilguard can do what they need to!! Sure dreadnoughts are dangerous but at this point they probably have tricks up their sleeve, thats one of the few things they have!

also wouldn't it be personal because does solas not try to blow up kont-aar because he's trying to 5d chess tevinter and the qunari into destroying each other. like. i know technically this would not be incredible widespread news because the attack was stopped, but i don't think the wonderful citizens of kont-aar would have missed the tsunami that nearly hit them and the shockwave that actually hit them. rumors go around. and i assume irian/vadis tell varric. who i think would tell isabela. who would tell the group she leads. who would care because ofc, they LIVE IN RIVAIN, and now know that solas and his followers thinks they can trade rivaini lives* to further his plans.

*while i also think there's probably a divide between kont-aar and the rest of the nation, it's one that the rivaini love to jump across and back over. an interesting comparison to be made here with most of rivain having similar sentiments towards dairsmuid and the chantry. like this is the country specifically mentioned to have a lot of citizens who follow the qun/are non-andrastian + it being MUCH more multicultural and accepting than other nations. any attack on rivain, even if it's a qunari settlement, would fan a lot of flames that solas cannot put out so the idea of trying to him taking multiple steps back because he didn't realise how intensely the qun/rivaini/lords would react is very fun for me. it would have been soo interesting for rivain to be a hub for efforts against solas because of how it's not influenced by andrastianism, how he (or his agents) specifically fucked them over, and (maddeningly for solas) also part of this resistance has spirits who willingly guide them against him. this could have even been a plot device where the door goes both ways and solas finds out rook's plans because he manages to eavesdrop through a seer or something.

and on the spirits. all the stuff where the mourn watch regularly communicates with spirits could have been done with rivain as well, and with different takes on being 'friendly' with spirits. iirc there's a spirit in the hall of valor which is so interesting but it's literally just there for flavour text. THERE'S A SPIRIT IN THE HALL OF VALOR THAT DOES NOTHING BESIDES LIKE. SAY HI. ??? bioware i would have liked to see more spirits and seers and the matriarchal pantheists you have talked about please. and also the idea of the peaceful qunari settlement being pushed to protect the country they are part of and what that means for them as qunari vs. rivaini. taash's storyline could have contributed to this . so A LOT less about choosing a side, more about how kont-aar has developed, changed, how rivain has influenced it and what it means to be qunari. not the qunari agents and fighters that we have seen, but their 'civillian' way of life in kont-aar.

complete waste not seeing any of established lore reflected in the lords of fortune or rivain because i stupidly actually thought we were going to see some kind of settlement and be introduced to a very different cultural norms.. in my beautiful mind i like to think taash is a little taken aback by how badly mages/elves/etc are treated. like they understood it was different outside of rivain (they would have been young when the dairsmuid circle annulment happened right? so they don't 'remember' it themself, they likely heard others talking about it when they're old enough to understand) but until they actually saw what was happening first hand, they had a weird dissonance about it. but what we got was a deserted beach, ties to another faction (wardens are fine!! they are great !!!! the fourth blight is interesting!!!! yet they are not the faction with a lack of info about them!!!!!) and also the hall of valor that exists as flavor text with nothing meaningful behind it besides a pub used in a few cutscenes and a minigame.

[orchidyoonkook]

Diving back into your glory with the second response! Kiki you once again absolutely spoil me. I had the biggest damn smile and the giggles reading through this <3

okay so the first thing that caught my eye was the warning yoon why????? a whole jk and ady warning i can't i don't think i can make it through them fucking 😩😩😩

I'm a big believer in not shying away from writing things that may make people uncomfortable. Especially if I find it to be crucial for the plot, like it is here. It's a very important back and forth, metnal conversation, sen reactions and visual scene and it. is. important!! THEREFORE! you get a warning that it is going to happen to prep yourself! I know folks dont really side pairings a lot of the time when the sex is included with them, but in this case I needed it to show an important contrast so I kept it in.

also! Because I can. :)

(this is also why i will fight to the death for all my horror, yandere, boundary pushing writers. Just because their work makes YOU (general use) uncomfortable or upset, doesnt make them wrong for writing it)

like oc and nel i can handle but jk and ady ugh nooooooo our boy our prince not her please anyone else i can take but not her (i just realized the hate train towards ady is strong damn my loyalty to oc ain't cracking) so i am just going to power through that part and take the angst that comes with it (which I welcome)

I hope you were able to see why it was needed!! (let me know if you wanna!) and I appreciate your dedication so much. I know it's tough when it's obvious to you as the reader why something probably shouldnt happen and ngl that makes it wayyyyyyyy more fun to write.

i did notice that subtle hint at of using someone and the fantasies uhmmmmm ok that must be the upside...

noooooooooooooooooo comment 😈

I honestly wonder why oc isn't mentioning her friendship with jk I honestly love it it's giving me little tingles,

She went over her reasoning in chapter three!! ☺ but that was a while ago so I cant blame you there. In a terribly summary she essentially wants to stay out of the public eye, keep the prince happy because she does emjoy his company, and not cause any drama with friends and family.

That being said! I love it too

i don't think i mentioned it but uhm this slow burn is everything its freaking burning and i think oc is definitely feeling it now that jk is with someone, the little encounter at the cafe and the texting they are just adorable and fluffy my face hurts from the smiles...

This is one of my favourite parts of the story. The banter, the subtle jabs, the build up upon build up, the realising of things and denying them, just all of it. Slow burns are my bread and butter, i can devour them always, and apparently I can somewhat write them too. Which is pretty cool

I just love how they have these opinions about each other's partners like the red flags they each see but they are all about each other's happiness, oc held back with ady but oooh jk isn't 😂 you go boy you tell her gosh i love his character in that scene....

This is another contrast!! It's intentional!! I love that you noticed because I try to be subtle about it. They both have their issues and deal with it in their own ways. OC very much deals with it in a small town girl way, whereas the freaking prince is, shockingly (not) very confrontational. I love that theyre opposites in this way.

oc and nel's scene had me pausing cause i literally went why the heck is she thinking about jk at a time like this and then she said it too it was epic oh oc you give me the giggles😂

AHA i LOVE this. I also love the fact their yours and her lines of thinking lined up. That's actually really nice feedback in a way because it means I was able to write OC in a way that actually mimics real life thought patterns when in certain situations and thats REALLY COOL to hear as the writer from the reader.

Also! Happy to make you giggle! Humor is another thing I struggle with writing wise, so I'm glad I can make you crack a smile now and then with mine.

wait what she didn't finish?!?!??!?!?! THIS IS MY ACTUAL REACTION IT'S LIKE OC IS IN MY HEAD ANSWERING ALL MY QUESTIONS OC BABYGIRL NO DIDN'T YOU LITERALLY GIVE YURI ADVICE ABOUT HER DATE AND NOW THIS 😩😩😩

The best advice often comes from those who have experience with things one way or another.

Ex: I never dated in highschool and yet I was the person ALLLLLLL of my friends came too for their relationship advice.

So, my darling OC was just looking out for her bestie in that regard imo, as someone who has trouble in that aspect of her life.

and we jump straight into jk's horror I can't help it this back to back is amazing, not me shouting no through out his entire scene why jk why, here's oc is having trouble and ady on her fourth whyyyyyyyy he better have oc on his mind

YOU DID SEE HOW THE BACK TO BACK WAS IMPORTANT!!!! YAYAYAYAYAY!!

oh I'm so happy, literally this was the "let me know if you wanna" from earlier. This is what I was hoping for!!

JK is allowed to make bad decisions every now and then unfortunately as no one is perfect and no one has perfect coping mechanisms the first time they encounter new problems. He's human, and therefore is prone to making poor human mistakes.

as for the orgasm ratio....noooo comment :)

i love how jungkook says nels name in full i can literally picture the disgust and the face he would pull (cue oc eye roll) italics and all..

AHA I love this. This is probably my fave part im sorry becaue I wrote this in intentionally as sort of a joke that turns into a habit and it's just.....so him. And i adore it because its SO. PETTY. and I live for it.

i am writing this as i read so everything scene/sentence i go to write something on my notepad so i hope it all makes sense

it does!!

and let's just say when he shut her up the scene was better to read

As the writer, I'm cackling. As a reader, FACTS.

ugh jungkook likes oc he likes her fuck can they get together already i am dying here this chapter was perfect (even if ady was in it) like the build up and their thoughts both being on each other oh that tension is building i love the progression between them and the next chapter is gone be golden ahhhhhh lemme run over

Literally the only response I can think to give is just a bunch of these guys: 😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈 and then a giant THANKYOU!

yoon you beautiful genius you have my heart this fic is everything and it's getting more and more captivating as it goes along i can't wait to see what more you do in this series seriously yoon with every update i go back and re-read everything again and I am in awe every single time and your talent, like this should be printed like i want a physical copy when it's done you are brilliant and such a star for coming up with this ily yoon i hope you know that 🥹🖤

SOBBING IN THE CLUB KIKI. THERES A SPOTLIGHT ON ME, IM IN THE MIDDLE OF THE CROWD OF DANCING PEOPLE AND IM SOBBING.

And funfact! I can actually bind this when I'm done with it as I am slowly gathering all the materials I need in order to do so. So maybe one day it will have a physcial copy (or two)!

Once again I feel nothing but warmth and love and light and kindness from your beautiful words. As much as I enjoy writing, it's words like yours and lovely folks like you that make me want to keep writing.

Thankyou. Truly, truly.

Xo, Yoon.

To What We Were Before, And All The Things After | JJK | Ch. 6 | M

Title: Eastern Arrivals and Unwanted Doubt

Pairing: Prince!College Student!JK x Fine Arts Major!(F)!Reader

Series Rating//Genre: (M) | College AU, Mild Royalty AU, Smut, Angst, Fluff, S2F2L, Indiffernce to lovers, sloooowwww ass burn

Summary: Nel's here for the week and you couldn't be more excited!! Jungkook's another story though...

Warnings: M, fluff, smut, swearing, drinking, pining, angsstt, slight boundary pushing (not sexual), unwanted/ unneeded overprotectiveness, jealousy, lying, [reader eats bacon and eggs but it's not specified what kind or where it's from, just bacon and eggs, so whether that means veggie, vegan or normal is up to you], intentional pissing off of Nel, a little spat between major characters, sex as a plot device.

Mature warnings under the cut.

Word Count: 6,945

Release Date: April 20, 2:00PM

A/N 1: 6 months later and we have chapter 6! slow updates, but they will be written and they will be posted. I have no plans to abandon this, I just, very unfortunately, have a bit of an outernet life now. So not a lot of free time to be creative which I hate. But it's here!!

Series: Chapter One | Chapter Two | Chapter Three | Chapter Four | Chapter Five

Mature Warnings: Consensual sex x 2, both reader with Nel and JK with Ady -> sorry not sorry cuz it's plot sex. We got us some: kissing, protected sex (as we should), missionary, fingering, oral (f. rec), tiny bit of groping (consenual), multiple orgasms, loud sex, like annoyingly, sex as a terrible coping mechanism (imo), fantasizing.

Bouncing lightly from foot to foot, you’re buzzing after finally receiving the text you were waiting on a few minutes ago.

Nelly <3 [10:10pm]: Landed. See you soon 😘

He’s almost here. He’s almost here!

Just a few more seconds until—

The gates slide open. A flood of people in a mixture of sweats and business casual wear with luggage of all sizes and neck pillows walk through. You hold up the sign above your head with both hands, a smile that could outshine the sun plastered on your face, and search.

Where is he? Where is he, where is he, where is he, you think as you scour the bodies filing out of the automatic doors. You can’t see him. He’s none of the nameless faces that pass you by as they find their family, friends or rides. 

Is this even the right group of people? What if his luggage got lost and he won’t be out with this group. What if he got taken aside for some reason, and now he’s being held in some dusty room being asked a bunch of stupid questions he doesn’t know how to answer? What if he’s fig—

But then there’s a gap in the crowd, and the boy you’ve spent the last half decade of your life with comes into perfect, crystalline view. His lips pulled taught, teeth beautifully bared as he sets his sights on your sign high in the air, then down to you.

And you're running. 

You’re running and dodging and swerving until you’re jumping into Nels arms as he abandons his suitcase in favour of keeping you both up right. He buries his face into your neck, holding you so tightly you think he’ll never let go. And that’s just fine with you as you hold on just as tight, taking in a big breath of him too. 

He smells like airplane and coastal breeze and most importantly, home. 

Nel smells like home.

A muffled, “Ohhhhhhh, I missed you,” greets your ears, and you melt into him even more if that's even possible.

“I missed you too,” you say, pulling back and kissing him. You don’t really care if there’s an audience or not right now. Not when Nel’s here, and he’s in your arms, and he’s yours for a whole 9 days and life is as it should be once again.

He releases his hold slightly, but your arms don’t leave his shoulders. The sign still clutched, now crushed and crinkled, in one hand. 

“Car?” he asks, a kiss to your nose.

“This way,” you lead, releasing your hold.

Luckily, his suitcase is small, so he forgoes rolling it, instead gripping the handle at the top and carrying it in one hand. Your own reaching for his other and not letting go. He’s going to have to peel you off him if he wants space right now. 

Nel’s wearing his usual fall attire; a dark green school sweater that has ‘ECAD’ written over the chest in a large, academic looking mustard yellow font, regular old blue jeans, and dark brown lace up boots. His short, dirty blond hair's covered by a hat you’d gotten him as a highschool graduation present, and his ocean blue eyes remain as gorgeous as they were the day you met. 

Passing through doors to the outside and back to lot J, you hop in the car as he puts his bag in the trunk.

“How have you been? What’s new? What’s not? Tell me everything,” he asks as he climbs in and sits beside you, hand finding yours again. 

Never gone for too long. You relish in the comfort and happiness that alone brings you. 

He’s finally here. You finally have him back.

“I’m great. Yuri’s still Yuri, classes are only a little more challenging this year, but I’m still at the top of them,” Nel slips in a ‘not surprised’ and you smile brighter as you continue. “They’re already telling us to start brainstorming ideas for our thesis show next year,” you have no idea what you’re going to do, but you’re working on it. “Campus is the same, dorms are the same, the cafe’s the same. Though, they have the egg tarts I like in more, which is awesome for my taste buds and terrible for my bank account.” 

Vivian stayed true to her word, and now they had the tarts in every week. 

“I can only imagine,” Nel jokes.

“Uhhmm, what else…” a thought pops up, and you guess you can tell him. It doesn’t reveal anything the whole world doesn’t already know. “The prince is dating Adaline Dupree.”

His eyebrows raise, remembering, “Oh yeah, that’s right, the prince goes to your school now.”

“Yep.”

“Have you met him?”

Is he seriously not completely shocked at the prince dating Adaline? You only bitched about her to him all the time.

“Uhhh… yep, once or twice, I guess.” 

You hate it. You hate lying, especially to Nel. You hate it so much, but it’s for the greater good. It’s to keep the peace. But that doesn’t stop the burning feeling in your chest nor the roil in your belly.

“The day he arrived Yuri dragged me down to see him speak. She made us sit front row because Yuri,” Nel nods, knowing exactly what you mean. “He had everyone assemble to hear why he was at school and tell us not to treat him like a prince. He wants to be able to study without his title getting in the way.”

You hit your blinker, making a one handed left turn. 

“Makes sense. Is he nice at least?” Nel doesn’t sound at all suspicious, and why should he? You’ve never given him reason to not believe you at your word before. Never lied to him before.

Fuck you hate this so much. It was so much easier when he was 5000 miles away. But now that he's right beside you? This week may end up being more difficult than you thought.

“He was very princely. Tried to kiss my hand like he did like every other girl there, but I made it a handshake instead. Figured if he wants to be treated like everyone else, I would liste—Oh!” you laugh before you can even get the words out.

“What?” he asks, intrigued but confused.

You can barely speak coherently. “You should have seen Yuri’s face when I called him Jungkook and not Prince or Your Highness...her eyes nearly fell out of her head,” tears are starting to form from laughing so hard. “It was great.”

“He didn’t mind?” Nel asks and you shake your head. Yuri’s face that day will forever be seared into your brain for whenever you need a pick-me-up. 

“No, he was grateful actually. I was the first person that had addressed him like that, the way he’d asked to be.” Stopping at a red light, you're finally regaining yourself.

“Well,” he squeezes your hand, “you always were good at first impressions,” and looks at you so softly you can’t help but smile into the kiss you give him. 

He remembers that school art fair just as fondly as you do. 

Nel pulls away first with a thought. “Is Yuri with us this time?” 

Yuri hadn’t been able to go home last year, her parents too busy on a work trip, so she stayed back and kicked it with you two, but also gave you your space when needed.

Lots and lots of space.

“Nope! Parents welcomed her with open arms this afternoon, I’m sure. They’re all on some tropical island down south. She’s bringing me an ocean bottle though, so I’m excited for that. It’s been a while since I’ve been able to add a new one.”

Everytime you travelled somewhere with a beach you got a glass bottle and filled it with half sand, half water, added in some shells or rocks and labelled it. Instead of towels, keychains, or magnets, you did ocean bottles. They lined a shelf in your room back home. 

You probably have at least fifteen of them by now. Your mum likes to travel and make sure you experience the world around you, not just your little corner of it.

“Oh that’s great babe! I know how much you love those.”

“Yeah, it is.” You lean your head on his shoulder, basking in his presence for as long as the light remains red. 

He’s here. He’s yours. 

You only have to do this for a couple more years and then you’ll be together all the time. God you can’t wait. But you are nothing if not disciplined. 

And it’s going to be so worth it in the end.

The rest of the ride to your dorm goes by quickly. 

Some more red lights, some more kisses. You point out the same things you always do on the way back, and Nel acts like it’s the first time he’s seen them, just like he always does.

His hand never leaves yours over the center console. 

Soon enough, you find yourselves flopping down on your bed. Bags, jackets and shoes, scattered. Nel pulls you into him, his head on your pillow, yours lying on his chest. True peace settling in for the first time in months.

“I can't wait until we’re done school and I have more than four and a half months with you a year,” he sighs.  “It’s not enough. I want more. Need more.”

“Me too. But good things come to those who wait.”

“Yeah…I’m just really sick of waiting.” 

“Me too,” you repeat in a yawn. 

Nel’s breathing slowly evens out as you lie there, content to be in your arms again. And you look up to see his eyes closed, warm exhales brushing over your face from his nose. 

You can’t blame him for being so tired. He’d had an early morning exam before flying out, even brought his suitcase to it so he could leave the second he was done. Then, the flight alone was ten hours, plus travel times to and from the airports was about an hour each way, and the wait time before boarding was another two. 

Shit, he’s probably been awake for around eighteen hours straight at this point because he’s also the type that can’t sleep on planes no matter what he tries. 

Oh, Nel...Of course he’s exhausted.

Giving him a squeeze before getting up, you take off his socks and jeans carefully, then tuck him into bed as much as you can. You’d try the sweater, but it involved too many working parts and you didn’t want to wake him, so you figure it’s best to have the window open tonight instead. 

Grabbing your phone, you tiptoe to the bathroom and do your night time routine. It’s not an overly complicated one, just brushing your teeth, washing your face and a simple 3 step skincare routine of cleanser, toner and moisturizer. Short and sweet, but it does the job. 

Halfway through brushing, you do your friend due diligence and send Yuri a ‘back safe’ text, just like she’d sent you her own ‘here safe’ when she’d landed.

You spit and rinse, moving onto washing your face and applying cleanser.

Teeth clean and face moisturized, you sneak into your room again. Nel's still out cold. 

You sneak out of habit—your mom wakes at the sound of a pin dropping. But absolutely nothing could wake Nel now outside of his mother’s voice and his morning alarm. It’s a talent of his you’ve always been jealous of.  

Removing today's clothes and tossing them in your overflowing hamper—reminder to self: do laundry—you slide on your pjs and climb into bed beside him, plugging in your phone and setting it down. 

A thought pops into your head and you pick it back up, shooting a quick text before you can think twice. 

You [11:26pm]: home safe

It pings not seconds later.

PJK [11:26pm]: Thanks Picasso  PJK [11:27pm]: glad ur home safe

Your heart beats a little louder at the nickname, and you chalk it up to the excitement still in you at having Nel here and being tired. 

But you sleep better that night than you have in a long time. 

A short, repetitive, rhythmic vibration. 

Picasso [11:26pm]: home safe

Jungkook is still standing in the same corner by the wall, Adaline somewhere in the crowd in front of him dancing with her friends. She asked him to join her, but he declined. He doesn’t need to see himself more than half drunk and dancing on the cover of tomorrow’s news cycles. Not to mention his security team would shut the party down the second a camera flashed.

His guards are carefully stationed throughout the house, all dressed down in casual wear, a few with empty cups in their hands. One is watching some sort of beer pong like game in the corner, another is mingling with some guys over in the kitchen. Three he can’t immediately see. And he knows his head guard is outside in a black car ready to get him out at a moment's notice.

Nobody can tell they aren’t here for the party, not unless they’re sober enough to notice watchful eyes continually making their way over the crowd as the night goes on. 

Your text woke him from the stillness he’s adapted from standing so long, trying hard not to draw attention to himself. 

You were home safe. Home safe from the airport. Home safe from picking up Cornelius. 

Your boyfriend. 

Cornelius, your boyfriend. 

He doesn’t acknowledge his teeth grinding.

You were home from picking up your beau but even then, you’d texted him to let him know you were back on campus safely. To let him know you were okay. 

It’s the first thing that makes him smile all night.

So he sends back, a bit to quickly: 

Me [11:26pm]: Thanks Picasso Me [11:26pm]: glad ur home safe

Because it means something to him that you deem him close enough to send a ‘home safe’ text too. 

That you want him to know you’re back.  

Want him to know you’re safe.

Whether you know it or not, your safety means a lot to Jungkook, so that little two word text makes his heart lurch. 

He needs to leave. 

He needs to get out of this fucking house and back to his dorm. He came, he drank, he observed, he fulfilled his boyfriend duty.

That’s enough for him. 

He shoots Adaline a text that says he isn’t feeling well and gets out as fast as he possibly can, dodging bodies left and right and doing his best to hide his face. 

Once he’s out, security team in tow, the cooling midnight air does him some good. 

“Someone make sure she gets back to her dorm safe,” he says in their general direction, brain too muddled to be polite in this exact moment, but it’s nothing they haven’t seen before. 

This is going to be such a long week.

He can’t wait till it’s over. Till he doesn’t have to share anymore. 

He was never very good at it anyway. 

The smell of bacon wakes you. 

And toast, and…

Eggs? 

You think, at least. Since when do you have bacon? Or eggs? Toast is a given, it’s part of your life’s blood.

Opening your eyes, you blindly reach for your phone, successfully unplugging it and bringing it to your face.

The screen is too bright but you suffer through it, squinting.

9:27am. 

9:27? 

You slept for ten hours!?

You can’t remember the last time you slept more than 6 consecutively, aside from recovery nights, and even then it was fitful.

Nel comes in with two plates, his full with a very Eastern breakfast of pancakes, scrambled eggs and bacon. Yours with two pieces of toast, lots of bacon, a bit of eggs and some fruit. Where did he—?

He smiles at your confusion, “You have a cafeteria that sells breakfast food, you know.”

You know that.

“I know that.”

“Do you? Because the look on your face says otherwise.”

You flop back down and pull the pillow over your head, mumbling incoherent nonsense. You rarely used the dorm cafeteria for breakfast. Much preferring the greenhouse cafe or simple toast and juice that you can make in your dorm.

He chuckles. “Two breakfasts for me then, okay, if you insist,” Nel moves to leave but you screech, uncovering your face.

“Noo! I want it. Please, sweet nutrition,” he hands the plate over when you sit up, arms out stretched, and you dig in. 

After a piece of bacon, you ask, “How long have you been up?”

Nel’s sitting with his legs crossed at the end of your bed, munching away, “Long enough to get changed, grab my wallet, get food and come back.”

The bacon is really good. You’ve never been so glad he knew you so well as you grab another piece from the dwindling pile.

“You slept well then, too? That’s good, I’m glad. You needed the rest.”

“Having you around always makes it easier to fall asleep,” he nudges your knee with his elbow.

Even after five years he can still make you blush.

“I know the feeling.”

You two fall into step, starting your weeks in advance prepared plans, the rest of your day passing quickly. 

Too quickly. 

And so does the next day, and the next, and the next. 

All of your activities are going great. The zoo, picnics, study dates, restaurant dates, historical, artistic and architectural museum tours. Even a swim at the school’s indoor pool, and there’s plenty more to come. 

Things slip back into being easy, just as they always have been with Nel, ever since that first day back in tenth grade. 

He knows you like the back of his hand and predicts your moves before you make them, just like you do for him. 

You know his favourite foods, and where he prefers to park when driving—always avoiding open curbs—you know his dream travel destinations, and who his favourite musicians are. You know his favourite pencils to design with and his favourite pencils to shade with, that he always put on his right sock first, then right shoe, then left sock and left shoe. You know that his drink order is an iced coffee with two cream and two sugar, that he prefers loose shirts over fitted ones, and that his favourite colour is orange.

It’s a pretty orange too, not just any orange. You wonder if it’s anything like Jungkook's–

Wait. 

You search your memory for the information, going through favourite foods, drinks, music—all discussed previously, because you know their answers. But colour?

Nothing.

How have you never asked what Jungkook’s favourite colour is?

Isn’t that usually one of the first things people ask when they’re trying to get to know one another? Funny. Guess you’ll have to inquire the next time you see him. 

Anyways, just like you know everything there is to know about Nel, he knows everything about you too, including your routines. 

Which is why at twelve noon every day, he starts getting ready to go to the greenhouse for your afternoon study session.

Including today.  

Your week’s already half over and you hate it. Time always moves far to fast when all you want it to do is slow the fuck down. 

You only have five days left. Five days.

You’re lucky the greenhouse cafe is open during break, some places on campus are required to stay open for the students who can’t make it home, but greenhouse chooses to. 

As you and Nel turn the corner you see a familiar figure sitting in his old spot at the back of the patio. The same hat, mask and hoodie, now paired with a leather jacket on top due to the weather starting to cool down.

You can tell Jungkook wasn’t expecting to see you by the way he stiffens before those all too familiar brown eyes of his meet your own. Which is fair, your schedule shifts a bit when you’re on break, he isn’t used to you being here at twelve on Wednesdays. 

But as quickly as he sees you, his gaze is back on his laptop, like he never saw you in the first place. 

Like you asked him to do. 

And a sharp pain stings inside your chest.

When you and Nel get to your table, he sits in the seat opposite to where you always do, leaving where Jungkook usually sits beside you, empty. 

A part of you is grateful for that, though you can’t figure out why and table that self discussion for a later date. 

Setting down your things, you ask Nel if he wants coffee. He answers yes, like always, and after a quick visit with Viv, you're pulling out your chair and setting down your cups. Your back faces Jungkook. It’s a small mercy you can’t see him. Maybe you can forget he’s here and actually focus on your work. 

But it’s also exactly because of your position, that you can’t see as Jungkook subtly watches you over the rim of his laptop while you and Nel talk quietly and study. 

Nel can though. 

It feels weird to ignore him. To pretend you don’t know one another when for the better part of the last seven weeks all you’ve done is talk, hang out, study or a mixture of the three, every day. 

When having him sit behind you and not beside you feels so wrong and so foreign. 

But this is your own doing, you caused this. So you need to suck it up and get used to it. 

This is exactly what you asked for all those weeks ago. The perfect solution to your problem. 

No one can know. 

Not Nel. 

Not anyone. 

But fuck, if it didn’t absolutely suck in practice. 

Setting some of your books out around you and on the table Jungkook usually uses, you dig into your business homework. Having a major and a minor are great for job prospects, on paper, and in practice after you’ve completed them.

But getting them? It takes years of hard work and dedication with no distractions. 

None.  

You spend almost every free moment you have doing homework or practicing, trying to get ahead, trying to stay on top.

…Trying to beat Adaline. 

But you just use that as fuel for your drive to be better. To be the best. 

Competition is healthy. Especially when you’re winning against the rich brat who’s used to getting what she wants. 

Not that you're petty.

Ehh…You are. But only a little bit. At least you can admit it.

Nel gets to work as well, the sunlight from his spot is great for drawing. He’s working on a rough version of his thesis project that’s due at the end of the year. He has to have multiple completed renderings as well as a scale model, and he’s been brainstorming since last year about what he wants to do.

Currently, he’s drawing up an airport, trying to design so that it’s not confusing and complicated for first time users. 

However, his occasional swearing and muttering to himself makes you think he’s having a tough time with it. 

You try not to laugh, but a small giggle slips out. 

“What,” Nel asks, a little distracted.

“Nothing.”

“No really, what’s up? I could use a laugh right now,” he insists, eyes on you at first. But then something behind you steals their attention every few seconds. 

Someone. 

“You just…you still make funny sounds when you're frustrated with a drawing. It’s endearing.” You reach to place your hand on his knee, trying to gain back his full attention. 

Ignore him, Nel. Please ignore him. 

“Yeah...” he exhales. “I guess airports are out,” his hand covers yours quickly and you hear a faint chair screech from behind you. Nel doesn’t miss it as he says. “But I do have a much bigger appreciation and understanding for all those who came before me,” pupils now unmoving from their target behind you. 

Fine. 

You’ll acknowledge it. 

“Is everything okay? You keep looking at something? Is there an animal or…” You know what he’s looking at, but go so far as to turn anyway, playing up the ‘confused girlfriend’ role. But Nel squeezes your hand, stopping you. 

He leans in, placing a fake mask of serene on and lowers his voice. “That guy keeps looking at us, moreso you. And he looks pissed off.”

Fuck, think of something.

Anything. Anythi—Oh!

You lean in too, so close your noses almost touch. “He’s probably just upset we’re talking. The greenhouse cafe is usually a quiet place to work,” good enough, you think. That’s believable, right?. “It’ll be fine. Let’s just ignore him and get back to work.”

You place a quick kiss on his lips but Nel isn’t letting up on his unnecessary vigilance. But then again, he doesn’t know that Jungkook is the opposite of a threat to you. So you reassure him, in your own way.  

“Babe, seriously. If you’re going to be all protective or whatever, don’t. I come here everyday when you're not here and I’m still alive and unharmed. Go get a sandwich or a refill to get your head off of it and say hi to Viv. She’s still here, and I’m betting she remembers you. You’re kinda hard to forget.” 

You can tell Nel’s about to reject the idea when you insist. “I’ll be fine, Nel. Promise. Three years and not a scratch on me.” 

He sighs through his nose, but relents. 

Placing his drawing pad on the table, he gets up, but not before placing another kiss to your forehead and mumbling, “Scream ‘cumquat’ if you’re in danger and I’ll come running, okay?” 

You laugh outright at that. “Will do.”

You watch him as he goes, and the second he’s inside, you’re racing for your phone, typing at an astounding speed.

You [1:45pm]: Didn’t your royal upbringing teach you not to stare so blatantly!??? Nel caught you

You hear a quiet ping from behind you followed by a small exhale that sounds more like a disguised chuckle. 

PJK [1:45pm]: Yes.  

You [1:45pm]: So you intentionally got caught?

PJK [1:45pm]: Maybe

You [1:45pm]: Shithead

PJK [1:46pm]: Rude

You [1:46pm]: You deserve it

PJK [1:46pm]: I know. I’m just making sure he’s treating you right.  PJK [1:47pm]: and trying to see if he acts differently when he knows he’s being watched. He’s very protective you know 

Jungkook saw the second Nel noticed he was watching you. 

His posture changed from easy going to on alert. His hand went so quickly to yours on his knee and his public displays of affection increased significantly. 

It was pathetic, really. It went above a normal amount of protection. Nel was claiming his ‘property’, making sure Jungkook knew not to touch. 

And the nasty look Nel gave him as he entered the cafe—gratefully still unrecognizable in his disguise—was another silent way to say back off, stay away, and don’t try anything or you’ll regret it. 

It was a red flag in Jungkook's mind. A small one, but it’s still there because his efforts are completely unneeded. After five years together, Nel should know that you can handle yourself. 

Hell, Jungkook knows that and it’s only been two months. 

You [1:47pm]: yes I know he is, and I already told you he treats me well because he always. Does. Not just in public or under watchful eyes  You [1:48pm]: and since when does my boyfriend of half a decade need your ~princely~ seal approval?

He ignores the small jab. You only ever brought up his title when you were mocking or upset with him. And he knows that in this case it's the latter.

PJK [1:48pm]: Since now PJK [1:49pm]: And it’s not that I don’t trust you at your word, but I usually like to decide for myself

That has you reeling. 

Where does he get the audacity to think he has any say in or about your relationship? Your very solidly built, five years strong, healthy, happy relationship?

Because he’s the Prince? You’re pretty sure you established on day one that you didn’t and still don’t give a fuck about his birthright. 

If he thinks he gets an opinion on any of this he’s got another thing coming the second he asks you anything about Adaline again. 

You’re in the middle of typing out a paragraph explaining all of this when another text comes in.  

PJK [1:49pm]: Because I’ve seen far too many women in love who are blind to certain things PJK [1:50pm]: And far too many hurt in the end because of it. 

You pause. Fingers frozen mid swipe.

Blind to what?

How many women did he know that were in love but missing something about their partner? Surely there couldn't be that many. Right? 

But this was Jungkook you were talking to, he’s lived numerous lifetimes already. That fancy birthright of his you don’t care about having given him far too many life experiences to have at his age. And they’re only going to increase from here.

So instead of hitting send and cursing him out quite spectacularly, you stop and think for a moment. 

What did he see that they didn’t? 

That you might… not?

You’re a decent judge of character if your record tracks. And it does. 

So your curiosity gets the better of you as you delete your rage paragraph and settle for a simple two word question instead. 

You [1:50pm]: Like what?

You can see that he’s typing out a response but the bell on the cafe door rings and you put your phone down. It buzzes with his response a few seconds after. 

You’ll check it later.

Nel takes his seat again, and you notice he has his sandwich, but also that he’s moved his chair and starts sketching from the new position giving him a direct eye line with Jungkook. 

You internally scoff at that. 

Nel has always been protective. But he was raised that way and you don’t mind too much. You don’t expect him to change his core values for you, just like he never expects you to change yours for him, even when a couple of his are just the slightest bit overbearing. 

But that’s part of a relationship. Give and take and compromise. No one person is going to be perfect for another. It’s healthy to have differences. 

That being said, Nel doesn’t change positions for the rest of the hour. Even as Jungkook packs up and leaves, Nel eyeballs him until he’s out of sight. 

That night while Nel is brushing his teeth and you're lying in bed, you check the text from Jungkook. 

PJK [1:51pm]: Like if they’re getting treated the way they should be or if they’re settling for the best they think they can get or for the first guy that showed interest. The one who hasn’t grown up even though time has passed. The one who’s holding her back by not setting her free

You stare at your phone. At the text. At his words. 

And dismiss it. 

You aren’t one of those women. 

You know yourself. 

You know what you deserve and how you should be treated. You didn’t settle, you just happened to find your love at a young age. That’s something special and rare and should be protected. And Nel has most certainly grown up as time passed. 

Jungkook is being ridiculous for absolutely no reason. Surely he’ll have seen that today. Seen how Nel loves you, treats you how you deserve to be treated, holds you up. Supports you. 

You’re confident he’ll be eating his words soon enough.

Finished brushing, Nel comes back to the bedroom and snuggles up behind you and you put down your phone. 

He cuddles you for a minute before placing a kiss at your neck. Then another. And another before he’s mouthing up your neck, and sliding a hand up your thigh and to your waist. It pauses on your stomach with teasing caresses, before dipping lower and lower, beneath the fabric of your sleep shorts, and under the elastic of your underwear. 

A small moan sounds in your throat at the touch. His fingers meeting your folds and the sensitive bundle of nerves at their apex.

You wanted this. 

Need it. 

He’s grown, you think; as a finger slips in you and you gasp at the stretch, legs opening wider for him. A second finger plunges in and you can feel yourself getting wetter and wetter with every thrust. Just like you can feel a bulge forming behind you. 

You know what you deserve; as he uses them to scissor you open, making sure you’re ready. You roll over, now on your back with Nel over you as he pulls your shorts and underwear down to get better access, your own hands removing your shirt.

You’re not settling; as Nel moves down, tongue making a couple swipes at your entrance and you hiss in pleasure before he’s reaching over, grabbing a condom from the nightstand drawer and sliding it on, length hard and dripping at the sight of you bared before him. 

Nel wasn’t the first guy who’d shown interest, just the first you’d said yes to; and he slides in. Both of you moaning at the snug fit.

“Fuck...” he says and you nod, agreeing, before pulling him down into a deep kiss.

He eases into a slow, steady rhythm that has you breathy and his abs tensing. 

But it’s not enough. You need more. You need to erase these past two months without him, and take enough to last for the next two. It’s never enough, but you try. 

“Faster baby,” you beg, “Please…faster.”

Nel isn’t holding you back. Jungkook doesn’t know what the fuck he’s talking about. 

Nel picks up the pace and you start moaning, louder like you know he likes. Likes to hear he’s doing a good job. He’s grabbing your breast and sucking in a nipple, tongue swirling and you're bringing your hips to meet his with every thrust. 

It feels good. It always feels good with Nel. 

He was your first everything. First kiss, first intimate touch, first love. 

Only love.

And he makes you feel good with that love. That touch. His kiss.

He makes you feel safe, inside and out. 

Jungkook can go eat grass. He doesn’t know your relationship. Doesn’t know the first thing about it. 

“There, right there!” you whine as Nel hits your sweet spot once and you arch. He tries again but misses, continuing faster, his peak coming quickly. 

Jungkook can never understand what you two have. What you two have built in these five years. The understanding and security that comes with it. 

He’s being an unrightfully opinionated ass on something he knows nothing about and— 

Fuck! Why are you thinking about Jungkook? You’re having sex with Nel. You shouldn’t be thinking about anything or anyone other than that. 

Than him. 

So why can’t you get what Jungkook said out of your fucking head?

“Ahhh… oh fuck. I’m cumming.” Nel’s hips stutter, his face contorting in pleasure as he releases, filling the condom.

You kiss him passionately to rid yourself of your princely plagued thoughts, the ones filling you with unwanted and unnecessary doubt. You want them gone, gone, gone. Nothing but Nel in their place. 

And you slip an, “I love you,” in between kisses for good measure. 

Jungkook could never understand. 

Nel kisses you back just as hard, dramatically slowing his thrusts, drawing out his high for as long as possible. 

“I love you too.”

Jungkook doesn’t know anything. 

Nel groans into your lips when it becomes too much and pulls out. 

Removing and tying off the condom, Nel goes to the washroom to throw it out and starts the shower he knows you’ll be joining him for when you're done. 

A routine you’re all too familiar with. 

One you created. 

He knows you need a few minutes to get yourself off. 

You’ve never been able to cum from sex with a partner. No matter how hard you tried. No matter what you did. 

Most would think Nel wasn’t a good lover or wasn’t trying enough, but it was through years of constantly trying anything and everything that you learned you just…couldn’t. 

No amount of fingering or oral or penetration from your partner could make you orgasm. 

So Nel knows to wait for you in the shower as you finish yourself off, your own fingers making quick work of it, because you always could for some reason. 

It isn’t your ideal situation, and it isn’t anyone’s fault. But it works. You both get the intimacy you crave and you accepted a long time ago that you were just one of the unlucky few. 

Screams fill Jungkook’s ears as a hand finds his hair and nails rake against his scalp. 

Adaline isn’t a quiet receiver. 

“Ohmygod!” She shouts for the twentieth time. “Yes! There…so goo-oohhhh,” the last syllable turning into a loud moan. 

He’s holding her downwith a forearm by her pelvis, mouth full as he brings out her third orgasm of the night, juices flooding his tongue. 

He’s working out earlier frustrations and proving a point to himself in this fucked up version of self therapy. 

He shouldn’t be. 

But he does.

Has to.

Seeing you today with Cornelius spurred feelings within him that he didn’t know he had. Sure, there were bits and pieces of something stirring he refused to name, but today? 

They were in a whole different ballpark. Different than anything else he’s ever felt before, brewing inside him, bubbling up to the surface even though he’s been trying his best to pop them and shove them down.

Anger? 

Feelings he doesn’t want to have. 

Jealousy? 

Does have. 

Wanting you to look at him the way you look at Nel?

Can’t have. 

Not for… 

He admits he provoked Nel because he could. Dick move, but it was because Jungkook knew just by looking at him that giving you any form of attention would piss him off.  He seemed the type. 

Overly possessive, overprotective. 

Overbearingly so. 

Suffocatingly so. 

Because Nel knows how lucky he is. That you chose him. That you still choose him. 

He knows he has to keep others away. 

Knows he isn’t good enough for you, holds you back. But keeps you anyway.

The selfish prick. 

So Jungkook eyed you up and down, leisurely, and for as long as he wanted. Purely out of the need to prove to himself he was right about his little assessment of your boyfriend. At least that’s what he told himself. 

Was it childish and unnecessary? 

Yes. 

But he was right. And that felt good. 

He could see in your posture and your hushed words you didn’t want Nel’s protection, didn’t need it, and that Nel ignored that wish of yours. Did what he wanted to instead of respecting your ability to make decisions for yourself. Bulldozed your opinions. 

It pissed Jungkook off. 

He’d left a little while after sending you that text to read, but you never did. At least not since the last time he checked. And so he’d made plans with Adaline the second he was out of your earshot. Calling her up and setting a time for what’s currently taking up his primary focus. 

Because even though it was Adaline underneath him, for the very first time, that’s not who he imagined it was. 

Not who he just dragged a fourth orgasm out of with his fingers because he could. 

Because he would. He would be so much better. Give so much more. If only… 

Fuck.

Jungkook stands and drags his cock over Adaline’s entrance, whacking it against her clit a couple times before running the tip through her folds and pushing in. He hisses at the feeling. At who he was sinking into in his head, splayed out in front of him. Skin glistening with sweat mixed with arousal. Mouth open, slack jawed in pleasure. 

Adaline moans loudly and it dissolves his visual. 

His tattooed hand moves to hold her hands above her head, the other silences her mouth. 

“Quiet now,” he whispers, low and deep. A bead of sweat dripping off his brow, hair sticking to his neck and temple.

He intends it to be sexy for her, but in reality, he’s just sick of hearing her. It’s ruining his mental image. Not that she’ll ever know that though. 

To Adaline, this session is all about her and making her feel good. 

But constant screams and loud, pornographic moans aren’t appealing to him in the slightest. They're taking him out of the mood. Making him soft. 

Once or twice when it’s genuine? Sure. But the constant assault she loves to give his eardrums? Not even a little bit.

He sets a fast, rough pace, and Adaline’s eyes roll back in pleasure, screams finally subsiding in white hot bliss, replaced by bitten lips and smothered whimpers.

He is going to prove this point to himself over and over again. All night if he has to. 

And he has to.  

To get whatever it is he’s feeling for you out of his system.

To keep his sanity. 

To forget. 

And while it’s Adaline’s name is on his lips when he cums. 

It’s not the name he repeats in his head like a prayer. 

Chapter Seven: Hard Goodbyes and Favourite Colours

A/N 2: Thanks for waiting for this chapter. I'll try my best to have 7 out as soon as I can get it. I promise.

A/N 3: As always, Thank you for reading, loves. Xoxo - Yoon <3

<- Back

[bugcatcherkit]

having mrs suzuki thoughts again. specifically i always thought of her leaving as smth that she’d intended to be temporary. bc it was in direct response to toichirou saying that he Does have the power to control people, because he’s strong enough that he can just Make them do what he wants. and it was both an assertion of a boundary (“i will not tolerate this behavior. if you continue to act like this, i will remove myself from the situation”) and a direct response to toichirou’s stated belief (“oh yeah? control this, asshole”). and i think that her intention was to make him think about himself and what he was trying to accomplish and the consequences his actions have on himself and everyone around him, and that she’d originally intended to come back when he came to his senses. and COMPLETELY underestimated his total refusal to ever question or consider anything ever.

(btw i think shou’s murder attempt was if not the same, then at least a very similar principle. bc if it had really been about killing toichirou, he probably would’ve just “played the obedient son” and poisoned him or smth. but it wasn’t! it was about confronting him and trying to force him to understand and deal with the consequences of his actions, especially wrt the people who cared about him most! the message being communicated was “look! you’re going so dangerously overboard that even your son, who cares about you, who is still trying to reason with you, is willing to kill you if that’s what it takes to get you to stop!”) (and it just completely flies over toichirou’s head)

sorry for rambling but u know how it is with the suzukis

HI I FINALLY GOT TIME TO ANSWER THIS. I think you summed it up well though !!!

I definitely believe it was supposed to be temporary! It really plays out like a spur-of-the-moment thing, where she suddenly realizes Toichiro is not really who she Believed he was (<- she had a certain image of him in her head I think) and also that would not listen to her WORDS at all. So she had to do something impactful.

Their relationship was very important to them both, and I believe she expected her Absence to lead Toichiro to self-reflect and FINALLY push himself to change so they could KEEP it. But he sucks. And he was already so wound up in the power fantasy that he ignored anything he could not rationalize with it. You can't exactly make semi-divorce seem like a Super Epic Protagonist Battle.

She was making a point to him!!! Showing him that his idea of psychic power being absolute was WRONG because people have power over themselves (free will). Her leaving is like the physical culmination of everything she had been suggesting to him up until then (that he could change, if he CHOSE to).

She has a whole thing about free will. He was supposed to realize he does not, actually, have power over everyone. He ONLY has power over himself, just like everyone else. To think otherwise hurts himself and everyone around him because only focusing on power meant he didn't care about anything else. But yeah she totally overestimated his ability to Self Reflect and also Be Considerate. Aforementioned image she projected onto him, I think (not normal).

and that is where Shou gets it I BELIEVE!!!!!!! The thing with him is that. Like when you said his parents were his only examples and he kind of had to work with what he knew through them.

His philosophy (of kindness and free will and righteousness etc etc etc) was heavily based on what Mrs. Suzuki is shown to believe in, and this is what he based his opposition to Toichiro's ideals on.

Though, he also had to oppose his mom's Methods in favour of Toichiro's in this process. So he was kind of opposing them both while also Not at all doing that. Because he learned from them and was influenced by them. As per the themes. BUT ALSO with that its like. Nothing Shou did was ever really for himself or because of himself and it makes me. ggrhrgrge.

I forgot what else I was gonna say. Suzuki family drives me insane <3