#because then i don't have to burden others and i won't let them down respectively

[bimtheory]

Trying to watch Marilyn Monroe films again because I feel like it's impossible to write a book about bimbos and not mention Marilyn, but it's proving to be difficult.

I'm trying my best, but I just can't figure out what people find special about her. And it's so hard to find any sort of truth. There are so many made up quotes and misconceptions just to further this narrative of Marilyn as the ultimate victim, people treat her like a martyr. If she's not being discussed and treated as a sex symbol she's being used as a symbol for tragedy, and would Marilyn even want that?

In a 1962 interview published by Life Magazine a day before her death, she had this to say:

"I don’t mind being burdened with being glamorous and sexual. But what goes with it can be a burden. Like the man was going to show me around but the woman said, “Off the premises.” I feel that beauty and femininity are ageless and can’t be contrived, and glamour, although the manufacturers won’t like this, cannot be manufactured. Not real glamour, it’s based on femininity. I think that sexuality is only attractive when it’s natural and spontaneous. This is where alot of them miss the boat. And then something I’d just like to spout off on. We are all born sexual creatures, thank God, but it’s a pity so many people despise and crush this natural gift. Art, real art, comes from it, everything. I never quite understood it, this sex symbol. I always thought symbols were those things you clash together! That’s the trouble, a sex symbol becomes a thing. I just hate to be a thing. But if I’m going to be a symbol of something I’d rather have it sex than some other things they’ve got symbols of! These girls who try to be me, I guess the studios put them up to it, or they get the ideas themselves. But gee, they haven’t got it. You can make alot of gags about it like they haven’t got the foreground or else they haven’t the background. But I mean the middle, where you live."

And, later in the interview:

"It might be a kind of relief to be finished. It’s sort of like, I don’t know, what kind of a yard dash you’re running, but then you’re at the finish line and you sort of see you’ve made it! But you never have. You have to start all over again. But I believe you’re always as good as your potential. I now live in my work and in a few relationships with the few people I can really count on. Fame will go by and, so long, I’ve had you fame. If it goes by, I’ve always known it was fickle. So at least it’s something I experienced, but that’s not where I live."

None of this is paraphrased. And, personally, it sounds to me like she rather be remembered for being a sexy actress than whatever this is:

But a lot of people who claim to be Marilyn Monroe fans or even just mention her don't seem to care about or have any actual interest in her. Unfortunately, I think Andrew Dominik may have been right in that (most) people are not watching her films. I have friends that won't even touch movies from before 1980, let alone the 50s. And watching the clip of her performing Diamonds Are a Girl's Best Friend on YouTube is not watching one of her movies.

Marilyn is invoked when people want to a sort of classy sexuality, or beautiful "feminine" tragedy, which is bullshit.

But anyway, like I was saying, I don't get the appeal. And it's hard to find any writing approaching her honestly and critically instead of constant "she was a perfect angel that could do no wrong"-tier glazing. I don't mean to be rude; I have nothing against her, and her life did seem tragic in some respects, but it always feels like the praise outweighs the reality of the material. Like people felt bad having been so judgmental about her after the circumstances of her death that they overshot trying to make up for it and Marilyn became indicative of the tragedy and mistreatment of every woman, a myth that has been passed down for generations at this point.

I don't know. That's just how it seems to me. I read people talk about how great of an actress she really was, but I don't see it, and people conveniently always forget to explain how she was a good actress or what made her so great, just "she trained at The Actor's Studio!", a lot of actors did.

[hesbuckcompton-baby]

BAND OF BROTHERS TERROR AU. TELL ME. NOWWWW

OK!!!! I'm not going to put everything in here because I don't want this post to end up HUGE (EDIT: this post ended up massive anyway), so I'll talk about the main components and some stuff I like, and if people want me to go more in-depth and discuss other side characters I will.

Tagging people who commented on the original post in case y'all want to read @latibvles @fearlessjones

Herbert Sobel is the original captain of HMS Erebus - he is the Sir John Franklin figure, he's incompetent, and whilst many of his higher-ups know he is ultimately not suited to such an expedition, they let him lead anyway because they like him, and they hope he will finally get some glory amongst all his failure. However, perhaps his key flaw is his keen dislike for the captain of the HMS Terror, Richard Winters.

Ok, I KNOWWWW people are gonna think that Nixon would be a better fit for this role, because he arguably resembles Crozier much more, but WAIT. For those of you who haven't read the book, it is said that the HMS Erebus has absolutely NO alcohol in its stores because Franklin does not drink. If this is the case here too, and Lewis Nixon is stuck as Sobel's commander, this will send him insane over time. Nixon and Winters are very competent leaders, so for this AU to work I need to break them, and what better way than to weaken Nix from months of withdrawal at sea with Captain Fucking Sobel? Combine this with Winters refusal to indulge him with his own alcohol stores, and now there's a wedge driven between the two before they're even stranded.

But even so, Winters needs something that will impede his own leadership, and for him, I think that's his sense of responsibility for his men. Winters is always striving to find a solution that will cause the least amount of damage to his men - he wants them safe, and he doesn't care if they have to turn this ship around and head home to do it. But he can't. By the time they get stuck in the ice, there is no possible solution he can come up with that won't result in his men's suffering or even loss of life, and this leaves him jaded, wearing him down as the situation becomes even more dire and he has to watch more and more of his men killed by the cold, sickness, and the Tuunbaq. This will get to him, and it will impede his ability to think rationally.

Right, now for the Lieutenants. On HMS Terror, you have First Lieutenant Harry Welsh, Second Lieutenant Buck Compton, and Third Lieutenant Henry Jones. Whilst Welsh and Compton are very competent, much like their captain, Jones has risen through the ranks due to little more than wealth and connections. Whilst he could not purchase his commission, his family manage to pull the right strings, and now he's here with very little experience and absolutely NO respect from the men, already making way for the system of leadership to be undermined before things ever get serious.

On the HMS Erebus, Captain Sobel (And eventually Captain Nixon, once Sobel is killed) have First and Second Lieutenants Ronald Speirs and Carwood Lipton. These two are excellent in a crisis, and when the crew becomes despaired as Sobel's incompetency and Nixon's declining health as a result of his withdrawal, they are given the heavy burden of trying to raise morale and keep the men's trust as the situation grows ever more dire.

Chief Surgeon of the HMS Terror Eugene Roe has gotten a lotttt more than he bargained for with this expedition. Yes, he takes his job seriously, and yes, he came here to help people, but more than anything he just wanted to be a part of something real, to see the Passage with his own eyes and know he had helped to make a difference. But now his surgery is crammed with victims of the Tuunbaq and men displaying very unusual symptoms that he doesn't quite understand. He's losing sleep and he's losing hope, and he doesn't know quite how to cope with the knowledge that he isn't as good as he thought, and he truly cannot save these men.

Captain's Steward David Webster believes he's made for more than this. He's educated, no small feat when half the men on the Terror can scarcely even read, and he feels his skills are wasted running around after Captain Winters. But he comes from a high-ranking Naval family, and if he ever wants to make something of himself there's little option but to work his way through it unless he wants to be stuck doing this forever. As time passes, he begins to grow bitter at his position, which is why when Caulker Roy Cobb begins disparaging Winters' leadership, his words begin to make sense to Webster.

I've planned roles for all of the notable characters in BoB but I do not want to write a fucking novel on this post, so please let me know if you want to see more!

[spahhzy]

Neo rolled out of the way from gunfire hiding behind a slab of rock. She only had seconds to breathe before suddenly a floating blade soaring at her.

She reacted by dodging out the way only to faintly catch a glimpse of a shadowy silhouette before she felt a sharp kick hit her stomach, and all she could do was let out a silent cry of pain as she was sent flying back and skidded across the floor.

"If this is the best you can do, Neo, I'm afraid you're going to die here. What do you think, Penny?" Said the voice from the shadows as one Penny Polendina, whose once green vibrant eyes now a strikingly crimson red stalked up behind Neo.

"This is true. She seems to be no match for us, Pyrrha, " Penny said as out of the shadows steps one Pyrrha Nikos with the same matching eyes as Penny.

"Then I guess she can join us in death...I mean after all, she is part of the reason we're dead," Pyrrha said as Penny rushed forward as Neo barely managed to move aside as one of the blade nicked her shoulder.

"Finding it hard to use your little semblance, huh? It's hard to run from your own thoughts. " Pyrrha threw Milo at Neo, who once again barely managed to dodge only to be caught by Penny, who grabbed Neo by the arm with one hand and with a blade in the other brought it down to kill her as Neo managed to bring up Hush just in time blocking the attack and wrenching her arm away before backing away a few feet.

"You think that now because you've changed sides that it absolve you of your sins," Penny said to Neo, "that everything you done is magically washed away and that the board is clear" Neo wanted to shake her head to refuse.

"No, you're still that psychopathic little killer. You may have Jaune fooled, but there is no changing you, " Pyrrha said from behind her as Neo realized she was trapped between the two.

"The best thing we can do now is rid Jaune of the burden of you inevitably hurting him... because that's all you're good for: hurting people." Pyrrha said as she ready Milo.

"Ruby and friends will be much safer without you there. now join us in death," Penny said as she ready herself to strike Neo down.

"Psychopath!"

Neo didn't move or do anything as she let Hush fall to her side.

"You'll just hurt him in the end"

"Killer!"

"Monster!"

"Murderer!"

Neo squeezed her eyes tightly, trying her best to drown out the voices, but she couldn't ultimately it lead her to let go of her weapon as both Pyrrha and Penny charged to attack.

"Murderer! Murderer!"

'I-I-'

"This is where you die, Neo!" Screamed Pyrrha as Penny and her closed the gap and the blades just moments away from delivering their killing blows.

'I'm sorry...'

.

.

.

"We may have had our differences, and we may have tried killing each other at one point, but we are here today because of you, and I can't thank you enough" was the Red?

"You've got people watching your back now, good people, don't throw that away," Roman too!

"I'll be there with you every step of the way, Neo, Arc promise." ...Jaune.

The voices in her head had grown quiet, and Neo opened her eyes just in time to see Pyrrha and Penny descending upon her.

And just as the blades made contact with her chest and back...Neo shattered like glass, allowing her to escape, shocking Pyrrha and Penny as the two ran through each other with their blades.

Neo reappeared next to them, shocked to see her semblance working now, looking at the aftermath. She walks up beside the two of them and put a hand on both their heads in a semi-embrace.

'I'm sorry...I really am'

Both Pyrrha and Penny looked at her, shock written in their eyes.

'I know it won't do anything now, but all I can do is try.. try to be better and atone for what I've done'

Penny and Pyrrha both looked at each other as Neo backed away and went towards her weapon.

Neo reached down and grabbed Hush only to feel a small gust of wind brush by her, alarmed Neo spun around, ready to fight but saw that Pyrrha and Penny whose respective weapons were no longer piercing each other, looking at her both with a soft somber smile.

"I believe she is being honest, Pyrrha. What do you think?" Penny said her eyes no longer baleful red but back to its vibrant green as Pyrrha, whose eyes also returned to its brilliant green, gave Neo a genuine look over before chuckling.

"I think there's hope for her yet, Penny." Pyrrha said, causing Neo to tilt her head.

Neo.

Neo! Wake up!

Neo looked around at the voice echoing everywhere that was Jaune!

Neo looked at the spot where Pyrrha and Penny were but only to find empty spaces.

'Thank you'

-

"Come on, Neo, wake up," came Jaune as he kept pouring his aura into her.

"Jaune, what's going on? Is Neo alright!?" Ruby shouted as she sliced her way through numerous Grimm.

Jaune said nothing, continuing to heal his partner, all the little cuts and scrapes dissolving away, but still she remained unresponsive.

"Guys hate to break it to you, but we are on the verge of getting overwhelmed." Oscar said, slamming his cane into a beowolfs skull.

"I'm thinking I'm thinking." Jaune gritted his teeth as he continued expending his aura into Neo.

He would not leave Neo here to die.

He would not let another partner die.

He would n-

Bonk.

Jaune was was snapped out of his thoughts as he felt something hit his nose gently.

It was Hush.

Looking down, he could see the playful smirk that could only belong to Neo. He grabbed her into a bone crushing hug. Neo, for her part, relished the warmth but needed to keep her image, kept bonking Jaune on the head with her parasol, but Jaune didn't care he was shedding happy tears.

Neo was alive!

"I'm so glad you're okay," Jaune said as he stood up while offering a hand to Neo, who took it.

"Took quite the hit, silly, you never have to protect me...I'm your tank...I'm supposed to take your hits," He told her, and Neo let out a silent chuckle before motion to him and her.

"Haha, I forgot how silly of me we're partners, I've got your back, and you've got mine," Jaune said, and Neo nodded as suddenly she was surrounded by Team RWBY and Oscar, Ren and Nora.

"Much as I love a feel-good moment, it's time to leave," Yang said, and everyone nodded in agreement as just in time, a bullhead had begun to touch down causing everyone to scramble towards it while striking down any Grimm remaining before their numbers could shoot back up.

"Took you guys long enough," the pilot, Hunter-2-1, said he began to ascend into the air as the Grimm began to swarm the area.

Jaune and Neo sat against a metal wall, trying to catch their breaths along with everyone else.

"So...are you okay?" Jaune said, breaking the little moment of silence, Neo looked at Jaune and nodded.

'Had a little character progression arc going on inside my head'

Jaune was about to say something but was cut off as Neo leaned against letting her head rest on his shoulder.

Jaune blushed as Neo gave a silent yawn and slowly but surely she fell out into a nap.

Jaune, for his part, is unsure of what to do, just let a small smile grace his face as he motioned to everyone who was just staring to mind their business.

"Sleep easy Neo"

[raayllum]

too many bangers to just do one little blurb, so here's a few of my favorite excerpts from the chapter that absolutely destroyed me

"...the dam bursting of every time she’d been frightened or hungry by herself, every time she’d wondered if she’d ever make it back to Katolis or see anyone she loved again, and the persistent pulsing push in her mind, constantly telling her that she didn’t deserve to." 

"'You are not a burden,” he continued. 'And even if you are, I want to carry you. You don’t have to be good enough, Rayla. There is no invisible standard you have to meet. You don’t have to be perfect to be perfect. You are not responsible for other people’s choices, and you don’t have to pay the prices for their mistakes. You don’t have to pay the price for your choices and mistakes.'"

"'You are a person and you deserve to be here without having to constantly be hurting yourself to earn it. You don't have to justify your existence by punishing yourself for it. You deserve to just be. To live and exist and be loved. Unconditionally.'"

chapter 7 man.... lives were changed. as someone who has the absolutely hardest time describing feelings--especially something as complex and messy as depression and suicidal thoughts feel--you just absolutely blew me away. and THEN to just put therapists across the globe to shame with the literal most perfect affirmations of all time? when i said this chapter destroyed me i forgot to mention that it also healed me. this is classic literature. this fic should be required reading in schools. shakespeare and my therapist are rolling in their respective graves

I have a lot of Rayla feelings in Ch7: at the end of the tunnel in particular tbh so I'll break them down here in regards to what went into the passages above.

To begin with, I'm so glad this part of the fic resonated with you. This isn't the last time we'll be addressing Rayla's mental health but it is one of the more prominent, as idk how anyone can watch s1-s4 + TTM and not take away that... she's not Doing Well, to say the least. I was definitely thinking about quotes from the show's writers with "Rayla can sometimes default to 'hurting myself is clearly a good, because I'm taking it away from someone else'" to heart.

I've written this discussion and affirmation scene in other fics, and explored Rayla's mental health before (probably most notably "say the winds won't change on us," "i care if i am guilty," and "i hope you die (i hope we both die)") but given that fanon s6 is such a big ambitious project I wanted to make sure I was getting it right in particular, here. While I've never experienced Rayla's forms of self loathing myself / to the same severity, I have quite a few people in my life that I deeply cherish who have, or in ongoing struggles with it, and I've been Callum here more than a few times.

I think a lot about how Rayla rarely allows to let two things matter if one of those things is herself ("Don't worry about my hand now; the egg is all that matters") when the boys are perfectly capable at holding space for multiple concerns, including themselves, in most instances. Rayla leaving in TTM is just the most extreme version of that, and I think the way Rayla will exceptionalize herself in a negative way—everyone else deserves good nice things / second chances / happiness except her, for Some Reason ("Your plan was fine! [...] You should cut yourself a break. Everyone messes up sometimes, or in my case, all the times [...] That shouldn't have mattered; I had a job to do")—is like... relatable for a Lot of people even when they don't also have symptoms of PTSD/depression/passive suicidal ideation.

Like Rayla was not safe or happy when she was away, and it would not surprise me at all if, while I don't think canon will necessarily touch on any of this as intensely as I have, I do think we'll get something of her having a hard time of her talking about how she suffered in favour of wanting to talk about how she made Callum suffer, for obvious reasons. Which is exactly why she left in the first place (s4 my beloved)

With all that out of the way I wanted to set up her breakdown accordingly:

You have the chapter title which is a reference to the literal tunnel they exit, and an Orpheus and Eurydice reference, while also very much being about Rayla finding the light at the end of her tunnel regarding her mental health

"I was a coward. I was weak." ("My parents aren't really dead, but I wish they were! They're cowards" / "It was the same problem every time. Hesitation, sympathy, distraction… all just weakness in a different mask.")

And then we see Callum shift to the heart of it, which is that her letter and mission was basically suicide and she knew it, and still won't really acknowledge it out loud or why it was Okay for her to do that but not for Callum to come with her, because she feels Inherently Unworthy and that there's something fundamentally broken with her, which has been pretty clear in canon for a while tbh.

With that in mind, I wanted to take Callum's viewpoint and affirmation a step further. I always say that the first step in therapy is learning to assume that no one is mad or annoyed with you at all times. The second step is learning that it's Okay even if someone is mad or upset with you. I think Rayla fears being a burden or more trouble than she's worth so much, and I think Callum at this point (in fic / canon, 5x01 you beautiful episode) has progressed to the point of like...

Rayla's not going to believe that she's not a burden, and sometimes people are burdens, shit happens, life is hard. What's most affirming for her to hear is that he wants her and loves her even if/when she IS a burden. It cuts right through all the bullshit and fear to the "you think you're terrible and awful and unworthy" and go "so what if you are? I still want you" and there's just not a lot of places for self loathing to go after that point. Like it's still there, but it can't grow to be as intensive, I find.

It's also written in mind from Callum's perspective because I've said this before, but Rayla is not an Easy person to love. Like feeling love for her is easy — she's warm and funny and kind — but she's not easy to love in terms of getting her to accept and rely on love. She's incredibly secretive and has a lot of hyper-independence as a result of her trauma and survivor's guilt, and Callum — especially post-s4 / 4x09 — has fully accepted all of this. Even if Rayla doesn't change, he's there. He knows this is not going to be an easy climb for either of them, but it's worth it to him, because it's her.

At the same time, Callum in canon has always been good at not making Rayla dependent on him ("You're too good to feel this bad about yourself. I know that, and you should know that" / "But it's your choice. No one else's" / "No, I meant what I said. You don't have to justify or explain anything to me") and emphasizing that she can and should want to get better and treat herself better for herself. So I really wanted to capture that vibe here. Rayla feels unworthy of his love, to an extent, yes, but it's also far more about her life and how routinely she puts what she wants on the back-burner... like, Rayla is a character who's always gone looking for redemption, and often times rightfully so! But I am very excited for her to realize there's nothing she has to Redeem herself for, there's nothing she has to earn or pay a price or suffer for in order to get to be Happy on the other end or put herself first for once. She deserves to just get to exist and live and be happy about that, y'know?

And I think Rayla also fundamentally wants those things, as she states at the beginning of the chapter, “I want to see the sun again first" before she'll let Callum heal her. Because you can only save someone who wants to be saved, and you can only save them so far if they want to save themselves, too, and that starts with you, that you have to want it. You have to want to live and love yourself.

Cause everyone deserves to. They really, really do.

And I just have a lot of feelings about fics / things / anything where Rayla goes "I don't want to be broken. Maybe I never was. And I want to live" because like. Yeah

[essayofthoughts]

Okay okay, I’ve got two for ya, one lighthearted and fun and the other angsty so dealers choice:

1)Minor Illusion with Percy and Delilah (or Orthax)

2)Polymorph with Keyleth and Percy

👍✨ hope this helped ❤️

See, you say this but 1. I am contrary, and 2. I am an angst gremlin! So we'll be taking number #2 for a punch in the gut, thank you Skele!

Percy avoids all of them after they chase Orthax out. Some of that may just be because he's sulking over the List - Keyleth wouldn't be surprised; her best friend is a lot more emotional than he likes to pretend - but honestly, she thinks it's much more likely that now they know for certain why he's a tiefling, he's just not... dealing well.

Honestly, she can't imagine she'd deal well, realising she'd changed something so fundamental about herself without realising, let alone that it came along with a demon deal, but also she thinks Percy is being a bit stupid about it, maybe? They're his friends and they love him and every burden is easier to bear when it's shared: he shouldn't have to be alone.

It takes her some time to find him. He's not in his room or the workshop he's claimed, or visiting his sister, or down in the acid chambers by the ziggurat. She ends up going Minxie just to try to sniff him out, and then has to turn back into herself twice when she scares some poor maids cleaning out the old parlours and in the end she gives up and Polymorphs herself into a housecat because then maybe she won't scare people so much.

She's gotten so used to being able to use Minxie, she really should be more mindful.

Still, once she catches his scent it's not too tricky to find him. He's curled up in a small tower room, tucked into a window seat and leaning his head back against bare stone almost the same colour he is.

It doesn't escape her notice that he jumps when she turns back to herself.

"Keyleth," he says and...

Oh. Does he sound shaken?

"Are you okay?" she says. "You've been avoiding us-"

"I rather thought I'd scared you," he says, swallowing. "Given-"

He had, a bit. It was... it was awful seeing her friend slowly become a monster and how willing he was to be cruel and horrible but... Orthax is gone now. And she doesn't think Percy would be hiding from them if it wasn't partially for their sakes. Percy can be arrogant, yes, and entitled, but he also respects the hell out of them? And she remembers what he'd said, when they'd started wondering if he really was in control of himself. She doesn't think he wants to hurt them, not really.

"A little," she admits, settling on the other end of the windowseat, leaning her staff against the wall. "But- also worried about you?"

He blinks at that - he always blinks at that, like they shouldn't care about him and it always confuses her, how Percy can be the most confident, arrogant person in a room and then... be like that. It's like he doesn't think he's worth anything while still demanding everything.

"Are you okay?" she asks again, because he still seems a little off.

He lets out a long breath - she thinks it wobbles a bit and narrows her eyes.

"I'll be fine," he says.

"Percy~" she says, half a whine, because he should know better by now. She doesn't want him to be fine at some point. She wants to know if she can help him now.

Percy doesn't say anything but that's normal. Keyleth's spent enough time in silence with Percy to know when he's silently thinking and planning something to say as opposed to just thinking to himself. At least there's no smoke now, wisping up from his collar - just his usual sooty fingertips and charcoal-touched ears.

"It's unsettling," he says quietly, staring out the window. "Seeing you-" He waves a hand, claws flashing pearlescent in the light from the window. "Changing forms isn't-"

Oh. Oh. Of course.

"I mean-" she says. "I won't- I won't do that to you, if you don't want me to."

Percy's bark of laughter is sudden but he is smiling, so she'll take that as a good sign. "Keyleth dear," he says fondly, "You did Hold Person me when Scanlan tossed the List in the acid."

"You would have dived in!" she says. "We didn't want you to get-"

Oh.

"You don't like being restrained," she says. Percy doesn't say anything. "You could have told me," she grouses.

Though. She supposes he didn't get a chance to before: it's not like it'd ever come up. They don't usually get into fights with each other.

"I'm sorry," she offers. He twitches, but doesn't look at her, still staring out the window. It is a nice view - Whitestone's all edged in frost, snow slowly drifting down. If the wind doesn't change they'll be covered by Winter's Crest. "Percy?"

"I don't remember being changed," he admits. "I don't think I want to."

[skyward-heir]

after everything is said and done, after Spot is defeated and Miles gets to save Jeff, and canon events are revealed to not work Like That™. everyone is caught up in the euphoria and the relief, celebrating—as they should—that they've saved the multiverse once again.

that is, everyone but one man.

"Jess," Miguel says, soft but serious, as most of the group spiritedly focuses their attention on Miles. on congratulating each other for their exceptional teamwork. on checking for scrapes, and wounds, and torn suits. on making sure there are no structural weaknesses that may endanger civilians. "can I talk to you for a second?"

"sure," she says, tentatively, upon seeing his somber expression. "what is it?"

no, not somber. exhausted. as they break away from the rest, she observes his demeanor. Miguel's always overdoing it, working day and night, but he seldom lets others see the full extent of his burden. now, as he rubs at his face and eyes, his shoulders slumped, it's more evident than ever.

he exhales, then resignedly looks her in the eye. "...you need to take charge. you know the procedure. scan for anomalies, have everyone return to HQ... uh, the usual. then i'll have Lyla transfer you the facility's security codes, or better yet, give you her recognition keys, and provide an extensive incident report on—"

she blinks. "excuse me? ...codes? report? the hell you're talking about?"

"i'm making you leader," he says matter-of-factly. "no, wait, acting leader. i'm sure everyone will want a say on who'll be the next to take the position after..." he drifts off.

she's always prided herself on being sharp as a tack, but right now the whole of whatever-this-is has somehow blindsided her. "what...?"

"you heard me," he says, more resolutely. "i'm stepping down."

"you can't be serious."

"don't worry. you'll be fine. you have what it takes to lead them, Jess. always did."

"while i'm flattered," she says, tilting her head to the side and searching for a sign that this is some sort of joke, "i don't want your job."

"as i said, it's a temporary—"

"...look, Miguel, i respect your need for holidays, but you're making it sound like it's permanent."

"it is."

"see? i don't get it. no one's out for your scalp. we've all made mistakes here."

"and they don't need to. my departure— i'm simply making things easier. i won't ruin, more than I already did, what we managed to build. the task force is a good thing. because of you, because of Peter. Lyla, Ben, Margo... it was you who made this half-assed idea work. and i..." his lip trembles. "i'm out. no... no puedo."

"what do you mean," a voice intervenes from behind Miguel's back, "you're out?"

"shock," Miguel curses to himself, then turns to face the newcomer, trying to keep his voice level. it's not the best of attempts. "it's exactly what it looks like, Peter. or do you need me to spell it out for you?"

Peter, his eyebrows drawn together in concern, is not accompanied by Mayday. a cursory glance reveals she's being held by Hobie, both right in the middle of the celebrations and enjoying themselves. "maybe i do. you're what, just leaving? if you're scared everyone will—"

"scared, he says," Miguel sneers, showing a glimpse of larger-than-normal canines. his posture is tense, and his claws—often hidden unless absolutely necessary—are out. not a good sign. "of what? of hearing the truth? that i took all of your kindness and your good intentions and your grief, and made you think losses were acceptable... that canon couldn't be defied... all because i couldn't be miserable on my own—"

"—we all wanted to—" Peter starts, rather weakly.

"—that i was this close to forcing a kid to lose a loving father because i don't know what that's like?" Peter opens his mouth to speak, but Miguel continues, undeterred. "save your platitudes. there are mistakes. and then there's me." he sighs. "look, i finally get it. your hearts are in the right place, and i—"

"and what?" Peter snaps. "yours isn't?"

"it – doesn't – matter – if it is," Miguel punctuates. "i could never live up to the expectations set by you, by all of you. only wear the mask, and run from the truth for as long as i could: it's the only thing i’ve done worth a damn, but i don't have what it takes to be Spider-Man. i thought i belonged, i wanted to, but i don't. i'm a selfish bastard, and always have been." then he adds, his breath ragged, and—she’d swear—on the verge of tears, "...my mother was right. i'm my father's son."

god, she wishes she was any good at pep talks—find the words to tell Miguel none of this is true—, yet the words don’t come. thankfully, Peter does seem to find in himself the ability to reach out, hold onto that strange friendship of theirs. "you're nothing like him. like them. you're a good man, Miguel."

Miguel huffs, smiles to himself as if amused by the idea. "you always try to see the best in people, Peter, but... don't lie to yourself. who the shock steals a happy life at the expense of an entire universe? villains do that. the blood of trillions is on my hands." he stares at his own hands, claws out. "it's almost funny, actually. looking back... i kept telling myself the accident had turned me into something i wasn't, something i could fix, but it simply revealed what i've always been. a monster."

"they're spider powers", she manages to say, at last. "nothing more."

"look at me. claws? red eyes? fangs? venom? i can't stand light. people think i'm a shockin' vampire. or worse." he takes a deep breath to compose himself. "so, please, Jess, Peter... i know i'm a coward, but if we ever were… whatever… do me this one favor. i don't need to hear how i failed everyone. just…" he sits on a piece of rubble, then leans forward, elbows on his knees. "i'll be fine on my own. let me go."

they do.

[fbfh]

OOOOOH BOY chat we are COOKED!!!!! my insurance is being a little fuckin bitch about covering my adhd meds so I'm out and I have to self medicate with caffeine so espresso!op is back!!!! /lh

anyway almost done with season 3 of young royals and I'm thinking about August falling SO hard and fast for adhd!reader. you are the only person at hillerska who sees through his bullshit and calls him out on it and he HATES it and he can't fucking stay away from you. after you've been together for a while (people still marvel at how weirdly good you are for each other) you seem a little off, and finally fess up to him that there's a shortage of your adhd meds bc assholes keep abusing them or faking adhd to get it as a study drug (you are unaware that august is one of said assholes) so of COURSE he plays it off like "omg how could someone do that!!! that's just awful!!!!"

so despite his historical patterns of self centered douchey behavior and decisions he actually DOES care about you. there's this tiny little redeeming part within him that wants to be good. like lilo and stitch. dating august is like lilo and stitch and I will not elaborate further. anyway he genuinely does his best to help you out until your meds are filled again. he helps you with chores and laundry and stuff (calls in a cleaning service) makes sure you have grab and go meals (orders you a meal prep service and catering from your favorite restaurants) and helps you find your stuff (follows you around and keeps your keys wallet and phone on a shelf high enough for you to not reach that way you don't misplace them again). he listens to you ramble when you're feeling hyperactive and chatty, he lets you lay on his lap and watch bits of dust float through the air for hours on end when you're feeling inattentive. if you need to stim he'll take you to some indoor gymnastics trampoline park thing and let you go nuts, and if you use caffeine to self medicate when you're off your meds by GOD he will have espresso and energy drinks on tap for you. he won't mind when you wake him up at night because you can't sleep or keep moving around because you can't get comfy, he'll make sure you get where you need to go on time and act as your personal human planner. even if he needs to pick you up and carry you (which he will if necessary), he won't let you start stressing out about forgetting stuff. if you feel bad about it at all, if you feel like you're asking too much of him or being a burden, he will shut that shit down so fast. it's hard work, but he wants to do this, he wants to take care of you. he still won't tell you that he had a faking adhd for meds phase, but after seeing what you go through, he vows never to take prescription stimulants again. he'll make sure no one else in his circle does either - except vincent, who's actually diagnosed and has to regularly remind August that he is in fact supposed to be taking adderall whenever it comes up. August has so much more respect for you and for neurodivergent people in general after that. he didn't think karma really existed before, but he sure as fuck does now, and he might think a little more about tempting her by doing something douchey next time. even if he doesn't, he has you to keep him in line.

[my-castles-crumbling]

hi cas! i love your blog sm, not only your blog but you as a person so much.

i hope i am not bothering you by asking this but i seriously don't know who else to ask.

so there's this girl at my school, my classmate. like we are not besties to say but she is a really good friend, sometimes when my bestfriend and her bestfriend don't show up to class we sit together and sometimes all four of us sit together. we have short convos like talking about our interests, animes, her drawing passion and all. so to say we are might not be super close but we are good friends.

today she told me that she likes me and came out to me - i am really happy for her mustering the courage to let it out, she told me how no one other than her older sister knows, not even her best friend.

on the instant she told me this, she panicked, to say. she was like "i am so sorry if it spooked you" "i just had to say it" "you can defo reject me..i didn't want to burden you" "my god why am i saying this...pls i hope our friendship doesn't change" she didn't let me say a word, she was getting so anxious. and without listening to me she left.

and now i don't know what to do, i feel really horrible ik how hard it must have been for her in first place, to come out to me, the only other person. she let her be vulnerable and confided in me.

but i am straight. no no i am not homophobic at all (i am literally in this fandom, forget about fandom i am proudly a lgbt)

but i never felt any attraction to females.

uh..man i don't want to make her sad. i can't and i don't want this to be complicated bw us. i don't want her to be heartbroken. i don't want her to regret coming out to me.

what should i do?

should i date her? (i have never been grossed out with w/w relationship but before this i never saw myself in one) i don't want her to be heartbroken..how can i ever tell her i'm straight.

i don't know... can a straight person like me date her? i really want a advice. if you say i should, i promise i won't be breaking her heart..i have always for me seen me in a single relation with someone and giving them all the love but i never saw a fem as my s/o cause im staright.

will i catch feelings overtime? will i be able to love her?

pls..guide me what should i do.

[ i hope what i meant to say was understandable. english isn't my first lang so forgive me for any mistakes ]

Hi love! <3

So it seems like you're pretty adamant that you're not attracted to girls. If you're sure about that, then:

Please, please, do not date this girl if you don't like her. That's not fair to her OR you! You can't just....find feelings that don't exist. And it's not fair to bring her hopes up.

(Now, that isn't to say that maybe you never considered dating women, and not you're considering it, and it sounds cool. But if it does NOT sound cool. If you are straight? Don't do it.)

You need to be honest with her. Sit her down and give her the respect she deserves. Tell her, "I really value our friendship, and I am so honored that you trusted me enough to come out to me. I want you to know that I don't just you at ALL for being LGBTQIA+. But I'm not, and I don't want to pretend to be, because it would just be hurtful, in the end. I think you're really cool, but I'm just not attracted to girls."

Trust me, being truthful will be much better in the long run. Sure, she'll be disappointed. But your sexuality isn't personal, and if you are kind and honest and accepting with her? That's still a much better coming-out story than a lot of people. Trust me.

And after? Try not to make it awkward. Don't treat her differently. But don't force something that isn't there. It'll just end up in someone getting hurt.

Hope that helps!

<3

[mainstoryarchive]

Ensemble - 123: Military Order

Eichi: … …

[Read on my blog for the best viewing experience with Oi~ssu ♪]

Location: Auditorium (LIVE)

Eichi: … …

Tori: Wah, prez?

Are you alright? Your face looks really pale, what should we do, Yuzuru?! The prez is going to die!

Yuzuru: Please calm yourself, Young Master.

We're on top of the stage right now; it'd be bad if an accident occurred with everyone watching. I will support you, so please keep standing with confidence at least until the voting is over, President-sama.

Eichi: I'm sorry. As expected, my consciousness does feel kind of hazy.

Rei: Kukuku ♪ I see you're trying to earn votes by staggering and showing a weakly person appeal.

Don't you think it's unfitting for one who is called the Emperor to use such sly tactics?

Eichi: …You sure are rude. In fact, I think you did quite well.

One of the Three Oddballs, Sakuma Rei. It's not like I was underestimating you, but…

This is the first time in my life that I was driven in such a corner, I suppose you'd call this the cunning of an old fox?

Rei: Oh, we were only taking a bit of vengeance. Suffer, suffer, because wails and hostility are nourishment for us UNDEAD…♪

Be that as it may, this is our limit. It isn't enough yet to make you fall.

You've had a lot to deal with from the very first match and now you're in overtime, haven't you passed your limits endurance-wise a long time ago?

This is us returning the favor for that B1… no, for having been oppressed by your tyrannical rule for this long. It's retribution; have you learned your lesson even just a little bit?

Eichi: No, I am not wrong—I still believe so. An overwhelming ruling power was needed in order to reform the lawless Yumenosaki Academy.

An 'Emperor' that could unify and control it all.

Staying undefeated is the duty of the 'Emperor'.

I've kept true to that. I don't feel any regret in regard to that either, even if it means that in the end I'll be put to the guillotine.

I'll go down proudly, with a smile. Of course I don't have any intention to give up my throne's seat quite yet.

My apologies, Yuzuru, but you don't have to support me. I can stand properly, with dignity.

I've dreamt of the day when I could stand on the same stage as you while I was hospitalized. I'm going to be enjoying this to the fullest.

Yuzuru: If that is what you wish, then I have no choice but to respect your standpoint.

Tori: Don't overdo it, okay? Our opponent for the finals is that Trickstar, right? We are more than enough to defeat them!

We'll crush those guys easily ☆

Eichi: Thank you, my cute Tori. However, there is no need to worry. There's no way I would pitifully fall to my hands and knees.

I'm the 'Emperor'; I will keep ruling imposingly.

(Aside from that, I'm not the only one whose endurance has been chipped away at. The other members of fine are undoubtedly overdoing it to support my fatigued self.)

(We can't afford another test of endurance.)

(This is for my comrades, for the people who follow this tyrant-like me, who have supported me…)

(At the very least I want to make sure to not increase their burdens, I can't show them my shameful appearance.)

We'll be executing UNDEAD to start off with. We'll be thoroughly beheading you so that even you undying won't be able to revive again.

After that we'll execute Trickstar and rule over the DDD.

I won't let myself be overthrown, I will be the one to put an end to this insurrection, to this riot. I was the one who started all of this, after all.

Wataru: Ufufufufu ♪ A heroic, but tragic determination, you are pure and prideful to no bounds! That is why you are so interesting, I can't help but say 'Amazing'!

You are by no means evil—despite being just, you act like a tyrant and devour people's tears and dreams!

Love and hate, hope and despair. Dreams and nightmares. You live a life riddled with both contradictions and inconsistency!

There's a tale that only you can spin. I'll be observing from your side for some time to come, your vibrant and exceptional tragicomedy.

Eichi: You're almost like Mephistopheles​. You sometimes scare me. Well, it's fine—we do need your power in order for us to win.

I still have some use for you, Oddball Wataru Hibiki.

…It seems you did something uncalled for with Hokuto-kun. I'll need to reprimand you about that sometime after the DDD ends however.

Wataru: Oh, you certainly have sharp ears. I might have stirred up a hornets' nest, dangerous, dangerous ♪

I got moved by RYUSEITAI's Chiaki-kun's act of putting his life on the line for his kouhai, you see.

So I also felt like showing off my good side as the theater club's president…☆

Besides, is this not the development that you were wishing for?

Eichi: … …

Rei: You are quite composed; the result of the voting has not been revealed yet.

The current situation might very well call for an extra round. We are still plenty energetic, but how are you holding up?

We don't mind just taking you down with us. Let us have a good time falling to the depths of hell together…♪

Eichi: I'll be politely reclining that offer. You people are nothing more than pebbles on my road to glory.

My foot got stuck here needlessly, but I don't have any more time to waste on you. We will crush you and go on ahead.

Now that it's come to this, no one… not even I myself, can stop me from continuing on this road.

[ ☆ ]

← prev ❖ all ❖ next →

[dnangelic]

everybody has to deal with the fact that daisuke is dark's most specialist little princess forever btw. even if dark himself never says it daisuke is his one and only true partner, his only equal, literally the only one he respects to match his steps and fly with him. it's not just a pride thing as he phrases it, although pride is definitely a part of it. dark earnestly enjoys having sole spotlight attentions as a phantom thief but he doesn't want to have to worry or take care of someone else while he does any of that. he wants to be able to focus(tm). there's also the deeper secondary layer of him just... literally having common sense and knowing not to get anybody caught up with him in his business of crime lakjslkwjlj. he knows better than to drag or coerce anyone into it even if he makes it look cool and fun! (and nobody can forget that he's actually really miserable too in his own way and this whole phantom thief/lucifer-of-the-artworks thing is an enormous noblesse-oblige type burden that he didn't entirely want.) dark knows things can get dangerous and that once you're in, things like theft and crime is something that doesn't easily let you escape from. obviously the niwa family is a somewhat safe haven for things or people with no other place to go because dark and daisuke are rejects already and daisuke in particular is always defined by his compassionate nature and willingness to reach out to + welcome others, but dark and daisuke together really are the sole 'stars' of the household. they won't ever easily let anybody join them on a heist. they'll worry about you, you'll slow them down, you'll get in trouble, dark vc you're not daisuke so i literally don't respect you! (never openly says this ever)

[thedreadvampy]

Ohhhhh it's a Day lads

got done reflecting on my Anarchist Infighting and realised I was getting low-blood-sugar-dizzy.

whereupon halfway down the stairs to the kitchen I got two WhatsApps in quick succession, one from the person I had been talking to on Friday and one from the partner of the person we were talking about, and it became quickly evident a) that things had come to a head with all the issues of entitlement and control coming from the person in question and b) it was about to become my problem

so to vaguepost on main. fully understand if you've had a stressful bad breakup with someone you may want to not be in a space with them. It's your prerogative to set boundaries with your friends like 'please let me know if you're inviting this person to a thing because I won't come' or 'please could you not talk about them to me' or 'I'm not comfortable being in a group chat or channel where they can see what I'm saying so I'm leaving this group of they stay/I'm moving to a different channel and I'd like you to come too so we stay in touch'. these are all reasonable boundaries.

what I don't consider a reasonable boundary is "I'm not comfortable being in a space with my ex so I'm going to ask my partner with admin privileges to remove them from every group chat we're both in, including ones they were in first and ones somebody else set up, without talking to anyone else in those groups about it because I Don't Want To Make Things Awkward"

and I don't appreciate, when I say "I actually substantially do mind if you try to remove people from my social groups without taking to me because you have an issue with them," being told "I'm sorry you're upset" and "I'm sorry if I made things awkward" instead of "I'm sorry I think it's my prerogative to decide who other people are allowed to interact with"

But the only reason I KNEW about this was because their partner who they asked to remove their ex from my chat correctly intuited that I might want a say in that and asked if it was ok, meaning that they got caught in the middle of me arguing with their partner while also trying to talk their partner down after a bad breakup.

and I don't appreciate this.

and I don't appreciate the degree to which everyone involved keeps excusing person A's shitty entitled behaviour while handwaving that their ex has been "soooo shitty" when based on what I've seen while their ex has been miserable to be around and a huge stressor in their life that I think isn't good for anyone, that's pretty clearly because they are in a horrendously bad mental health state and are spinning out, not because they don't care. like they are clingy and emotionally volatile and often leave situations in tears but

a) so does the other person!!! and

b) the response from the other person has been to go cold, aggressive and rude to them and treat them like a burden and I'm like. at some point staying in the relationship becomes the crueler act if you can't be around someone without getting angry at them or calling them a burden to their face. god knows it's not a bad or unreasonable thing to not have the resources to Fix Someone In Constant Crisis but if you staying with them is just compounding the crisis for both of you then you gotta leave instead of standing there complaining that they're making you be mean.

and I don't appreciate this being framed as me being unreasonable or their ex manipulating me when I have had these concerns about their behaviour being controlling and entitled for years before I even met their ex.

and I don't like the imbalance where it matters of people might ask them questions or make them uncomfortable if they left the group so they'd prefer to silently kick their ex out of the group without telling anyone so that any """"Drama"""" falls on the ex.

and I have been finding this whole thing so INCREDIBLY fucking triggering because so much of this is tying me back into how fucking carefully I've tried to dance around and respect everyone's except my own needs in the past in very similar situations and how extremely badly that's got me hurt.

and I value my friendships with the people close to this person too much to walk away entirely. but I also. can't fucking talk about it too them because of I try to talk in the abstract they equivocate and talk shit about how hard things are for this person and how nobody's being fair to them. and if I mention how hugely fucking triggering it is for me then it will become even more about my emotional state. and it's not fucking about my emotions! my emotions are my business! Their behaviour is their business!!!!!

anyway no progress on cleaning so far

[readerxlit]

The 3-5 protagonists (including femc) with a younger S/O, since I already did w/ an older one. In reverse order this time

Ren/Akira

You'd expect the struggles with him to be different from if you were older, and they are, but they are also the same.

He has a hard time actually letting his guard down, and while you won't have additional struggles with that due to your age, being younger doesn't actively help.

Afterall how can he burden you with anything when you're the younger one?

He's far too busy teasing you for being "cute" or whatever to tell you about his trauma

As with most things he's very good at shifting focus to things he can do. As such you gotta be persistent with him to finally get through.

He doesn't want to rely on you, he'd much rather you do the relying on him. This is especially true here, where you're younger than he is.

You've gotta remind him that age notwithstanding, you're equals. If he wants you to trust him, he has to be willing to trust you.

You'll get through to him eventually. Then the only problem is him teasing you and, well, you knew who you signed up for a relationship with, anyway.

8/10, bit difficult at first, be prepared for teasing throughout

Yu/Souji

Man's caretaker instinct is already through the roof- especially with those he genuinely cares for- and now you've added you being younger than him to the mix?

The difference can be as minimal as possible and he'll still go, "I'm older, let me do this."

It's never patronizing, he 100% understands and respects that you're his equal, he just likes taking care of others, and this is more of an excuse to than anything else.

Obviously like all of them he's not the most talkative person in the world but he may take every opportunity to gush about you, if he can.

Whereas he's nervous about having an older partner, he's all set for a younger one. The first year IT members have given him plenty practice being a senpai and he's taking those lessons into this relationship

Honestly a little difficult to get him to understand that as his s/o you don't need to be treated differently because you're younger than him.

He will eventually chill out and reach the balance necessary for the relationship but the first weeks-to-months are an ongoing adjustment.

Genuinely sweet, 9/10, get those reminders in his head faster and he's lovely.

Hamuko/Minako

Haha, cute, she thinks you're adorable

Genuinely doesn't care if her partner is older or younger, but she does usually go for people older than her.

Thus this is actually pretty unique territory. Sure the age difference can be minimal, but that doesn't mean she isn't going to milk being the older one for all its worth.

Unfortunate side effect is that she'll feel a sense of responsibility, no matter how small the difference. And since she's already the responsible one in so many situations, it's pretty obvious she isn't as relaxed around you as she should be.

Gotta get through to her that she doesn't have to be "the mature one" just bc she's x-amount older than you.

This isn't SEES, she doesn't have to be "the responsible leader" she can just be your significant other

The only other struggle will be getting her to stop giving you horrible pet names, unless you enjoy them. In which case return the favor. Be warned she doesn't flustered easily, though.

8/10, a little rough to start but otherwise fine

Minato/Makoto

"Haha cute," said in full deadpan

Okay jokes aside, does he actually care that you're younger than him? No. Is he going to tease you about it? Ehhh, maybe?

He will when it's easy, or just when you least expect it, but generally, no.

He's not overly concerned with you being younger than him. If anything he probably forgets more often than not.

It's only when you being younger is in prime joking territory that he comments on it at all.

This is not to say it doesn't affect anything.

He actually- in spite of all his claims not to care- has come to enjoy being relyed on. (Afterall, his responsibilities have lead him to genuine bonds for the first time) So any amount of "I should be taking care of you" feelings you being younger than him gives, are a positive.

Mostly he just uses it as an excuse to poke at you for being "cute"

8/10. Teasing but in deadpan, probably for the added effect

[waythroughtheice]

This is fundamentally an issue with how many modern writers perceive strength--or, how they don't.

People tend to see strength as only one way: as a physical thing. If you can't show it through action, physical action and punching your way through people to really express your ideas they don't recognize it as strength. If you can't back it up with physical action, they don't recognize it as strength, and see it as hot air: useless.

They are wrong.

There are two types of strength: external (seen above) and internal (not seen anymore but seen in old literature, like fairy tales. More on this in a moment.) External is easy. It's always been easy. When you can punch your way out of a situation things tend to be that way. External courage is easy; moral courage--the ability to say no to societal pressures and stand your ground and stay virtuous--is not.

But it's the internal that's the issue--it's hard to express, and on the screen it's....sort of boring. You don't punch your way out of things. You're kind of a loser, actually, because you're on the outside of society, or people think you're looking down on them.

And guess what? Internal virtuous strength was a traditionally feminine trait. Traditionally, women and men were known to express strength differently--traditionally masculine traits were more showy, more action-oriented. This makes sense; men were the heads of the house and responsible for taking care of his family. (Let me be very clear here--people tend to undercut how large of a burden this is. To know that the lives of your wife and children--people you love very very much--depend on you and your job is a ridiculously large burden and I won't hear anyone claim otherwise. Men have problems as well, not just women.) Of course, there were quieter aspects of masculine virtues as well--prudence, quiet courage, things like that. But women?

For women, strength was different. Internal virtues were at play more often than the physical side of things, and that causes problems.

I grew up with so many people claiming Cinderella and Snow White were weak. Why? Because they didn't rescue themselves. They needed a man to rescue them. (There's even a Cheetah Girls song proclaiming this!) I didn't think about this very deeply as a child, and I am very glad I didn't, as eventually, there was a situation for myself I couldn't get out of, and I had to live with someone that was less than kind towards me. And suddenly, suddenly I understood Cinderella much, much more. And I respected way more. She had it far worse than I did--as did many other people. But you know what? She kept her kindness and generosity despite her abuse. Do you know the amount of strength that requires? To not be bitter, to not be angry--to forgive those who wronged her and still be kind?

(Much, much harder than punching your way out of a situation.)

Cinderella worked for her escape--just not in the physical way. She did so internally, by remaining good, and keeping herself true. And for anyone who says the Prince had to save her, I would go: yeah, and? Your point?

The need to be rescued is not a bad thing. It's a natural thing, actually, and if you promote the idea that Cinderella was a failure because she couldn't get herself out of an abusive family situation as an orphan then you're the one promoting a bad idea. Everyone needs rescuing. Cinderella's story is about hope--because if you do remain good, someone will come your way and help. Every good deed never ever goes unrewarded, either in this life or in the next.

(I would also like to remind everyone that the tale only ended happily when both types of strength were combined--through the Prince's power and good might and Cinderella's honesty and positivity. It was only when the two are together that things at the end conclude happily. Even masculine strength needs the feminine--needs it to act rightly. The two need each other, and click together like two puzzle pieces. You need both for things to work.)

Cinderella is a traditionally strong female character. She doesn't physically fight her way through her story--that's not her strength, and it shouldn't need to be. There are many different types of strength.

Modern writers don't understand this.

They see Cinderella's "passivity" (ha!) as boring, and weak, and think she needs to be changed.

And so they translate that to most female characters. (Look at what they did to Galadriel, or Elrond in the Rings of Power. Or what they have done to so many beloved female characters to make them "not need a man", and thereby ruining the beautiful showing of different types of strength on display.)

So of course you never see it flipped or reversed, with a man doing traditional feminine things. How could they?

They don't understand strength at its core--more than that. If you can't understand the quieter sides of strength you don't really understand it all, and are in fact promoting weakness.

they will need to whipstitch the wound closed, but embroidery is a "woman's" task. they will need to eat and clean and mend clothes, but why learn basic things when you can have a woman measure out your life in beads. he will be the "head" of your house, but if you want him to act accordingly, you must assign him a list of all applicable activities. you will be otherwise constantly in charge of almost-everything; so he will lead the house he is absent from.

in movies and books, the "cool" girl will be more-like-a-man. she will be "less boring," more "fun". she will have masculine ideas and masculine talents, which means a man doesn't have to change in order to find her fascinating. she will disdain of something as simple as stitching. how boring!

she will kick open the door of a car and quip what, girls can't drive? and flip her long hair down one side. she will grill and shoot a gun and skydive. be a guy. she will be sexualized.

somewhere, working on computers becomes a masculine task, and now on tv a gen-z disney character throws her hands up in the air. i can't be a computer science nerd, i'm a girl! in the real life, she will be unable to sit through some of her classes, shivering when she realizes she is the only woman present in several of them.

how many times have you read this book and seen this show and watched this movie. the singular woman is allowed 5 lines because she's not just smart! she's also pretty! she is surrounded by 20 average men, but she is stunning. she is the exception to the bland, pale lives of women-at-home, who will never be shown. she likes dirt and motorbikes and blood and shows up in a tiny dress during the final scene, rolling her eyes at our male lead's incredulity - just because i like motorcross doesn't mean anything. i'm still a woman, okay? i actually like shopping.

it is almost never reversed, and you think about that often. it is vanishingly rare to have a single man in a cast of women. the male love interest does not show up at a feminist march and sardonically squint at our leading lady - what? you thought only women care about human rights? he does not know how to balance a checkbook or kickbox because i grew up with three sisters.

when he cooks he is a chef, which is sexy. when he cleans, he's being kind, genteel. when he nurtures his family, confetti rains from the ceiling. when she does these things: it is her duty and her identity. what do you mean she has other passions and hobbies? isn't her hobby and passion homemaking?

the other day a friend embroidered a seam closed on your jacket into the shape of ivy. every time you touch it, you think of her.

something about women's hobbies and art and skills. something about women's work.

[xoxobaer]

Nobody could ever see what I saw. Nobody could ever feel what I felt. What I had to deal with. What I had to endure. Nobody could ever grasp what it took.

For the weak, it's good this way. Most people would break in an instant if it came down to it. Most would have given up long ago. As should've I. At least that's what my mind's been telling me since early childhood. Yet I'm still here.

I'm wading through more torment than most could even imagine, yet who's proud of me? No one but me. Sometimes I do think about how far I've come, despite all odds. Despite not having any reason to do so. Albeit being almost completely nonsensical. Then again, I take a glimpse at myself and begin to hate myself again. My inner child despises me for not having ended it for such a long time. Why am I doing this to myself? Am I a coward? Am I too strong or am I too weak? I hate myself to my guts and yet, I still keep going, surpassing almost everyone in whatever I do.

Some people do wonder how I am so talented, knowledgeable or whatever, but they don't even see how much it takes to just survive, let alone thrive in the things I do. How much better could I be if I didn't want to kill myself every godforbidden day? Or am I just that good at most things because it's so easy for me, it pales in comparison to the feat of surviving with all that makes me myself? With all my history and all my problems?

It's a pity none of you could ever know what it's like, yet, somehow I just wish for all of you to not know what this living hell feels like.

At the end of the day, I still am the one preaching mental illnesses being an explanation and not an excuse. Even with this, most do not understand what that means. Imagine it like this: If one suddenly turns blind, is it an excuse for walking over a red pedestrian traffic light? Yes. Are you still going to be punished for doing so? Also yes. Of course mental illnesses can be an excuse. You just can't expect for others to respect this excuse and should always strive for your problems not becoming someone else's problems. On a side note, this is why stoicism is so important, although no one I know is good at it. Is that unfair? Probably. Would someone who truly loves you understand and tolerate your behaviour? Maybe. Should you accept them not tolerating unfit behaviour and setting healthy boundaries? Most definitely. Is that always possible? Surely not. Who's fucked in any case? You. You have to do your best, because you're the problem and should not make it anyone else's - or at least not expect them to tolerate it. That's why it's a goal and not a fact, that mental illnesses are an explanation, but not an excuse.

Would anyone understand all of this? Most probably not. Almost no one has the capacity or interest to even think about all of this. That's why it's your problem and it's in your best interest to solve them yourself. If you can't? You're just utterly fucked. And that is the precise reason, why I'm not going to pursue any more human interaction, than absolutely necessary. If I'm the burden, then I'll just stay alone. If I can't get my shit together and have always kept hurting people because of this, wouldn't that make me a monster, if I kept trying, knowing it won't get any better? Better just give up, no? Now tell me. How is this life worth living? Why am I still percevering and why don't I end it right now? Yes, I am depressed, but what does that change, if I have so many rational reasons to ceise trying to continue living like this? It just does not make any sense. I hate it here. I hate every last one of you superficial cunts and most importantly I hate myself. Shoutout to everyone not being superficial and having at least tried understanding me. You're good people, inbetween a world of ignorant idiots.

Good night.

[spacecadetspe]

A snippet from last year...

Aug. 2, 2023

I decided to take an evening walk around the gardens and try to talk to Phobetor a bit more.  The guards, his brothers, who stand outside his room, tried to discourage me from taking him outside.  They were convinced that he was a flight risk.  I reminded them in no uncertain terms that if Phobetor wanted to leave, then he was free to.  He is a guest, not a prisoner, and the guards are merely there to help him if he loses control again.

"But what if he doesn't come back?" one of them asked.

"Then that's his choice," I said.  I narrowed my eyes at the guard.  "You do know I could have found him and brought him back at any time, don't you?"

The guards looked at each other, and then looked at me.  "Then why didn't you?"

"Because I respected his need for emotional distance.  I don't like when he's gone, and I certainly don't like when he's hurting, but if he wants space, then by God, he can have it.  I will not keep him from his personal peace."

Phobetor pursed his mouth a bit awkwardly at the thought, but he and the guards followed me as we ventured out into the gardens.

I tried to act like I was in good spirits, but the truth is that something has changed.  I'm not sleeping or eating well, and I'm staying worried, in spite of doing well in my interviews.

Phobetor isn't really sure what to make of all this, except that I'm not going to burden him with my mortal world problems.  I told him that maybe what he really needed was someone who trusted him.Collapse

"And you do?" he asked a bit poignantly.

I paused.  "I won't lie," I said.  "I'm still hurt, and I don't really know what you want out of this relationship... but as far as I'm concerned, you're still my friend, and I care deeply for you.  I want you to be happy, even if it winds up not being with me."

He nodded and considered this.  "Would you like me to apologize?"

I chuckled.  "You probably should have, but... I don't know that it would help me, in this moment.  And if you don't mean it, then it negates the validity of the apology, doesn't it?"

He grunted an affirmative.  "But," he continued, "my question stands: do you trust me?"

"Certain aspects," I answered.  "This... mix-up we're in kind of blindsided me."

"I understand."  He followed me a few more steps through the garden.  "So... how are you so patient with me, then?  I understand that this has hurt you, but also that you've put yourself through the wringer for us."

"You mean to ask how I'm holding up?"

He nodded.

"Not great.  I'm doing what I can... floundering enough to stay afloat."  I stumbled and had to sit down.  "Ah.  Maybe I shouldn't push myself."

Phobetor sat with me.  "Perhaps I'll join you on the rounds.  It would likely do me good to get some normal activity in... with someone who trusts me."

And thus I reluctantly got back into the rounds.  Hades was due for a dream this time.  He was a husk, barely a skeletal corpse in a black linen robe and a jeweled crown, sitting slouched on a stone dais.  All around him, the castle and the surrounding caverns began to crumble and fall down, and the crown was jostled from his head.  Its spell broken, his youthful appearance returned, and he looked around for a way out of the growing sinkhole.  

I called out to him from above and reached down to help him.

His eyes met mine, and he snatched up the crown and made a running leap for my outstretched hand.  The heavy gold crown began exerting its corruption again, turning his arm to sinew, rags and bone.

"You have to let go, Hades," I cried.  "Let go, or it'll consume you too!"

Hades looked down at the crown in his hand, and then up at me.  He couldn't pull himself up with just one hand, but to let go of his entire birthright was a heart-wrenching decision.  But finally... finally... he dropped the crown, and allowed me to pull him up, out of the sinkhole.

He finally made the choice.

The next dream wasn't so intense.  I was helping the cooking staff out in processing a waitress who got bullied by one of her regular customers.  I made a little egg soufflé with bleu cheese, spring onion, cherry-glazed bacon and apple slices.  I told her if the customer didn't like it, she could talk to me instead.  But when the "customer" called for me, what we argued about wasn't the food; it was what the dreamer needed.  Because of course, the waitresswas the dreamer, and the rude customer was being played by an oneiros.  "Customer" (Nia) asserted that the waitress first needed to process the bullying, and only then could we teach her ways of feeling supported and secure in herself.  I sighed and admitted she was right.  Somebody has to play the bad guy sometimes.  So I went back to the waitress and I said "She still wants to talk to you.  But remember; this is your scene.  You decide how it goes."

I sighed and stepped out of the dream long enough to wake up and let my dog out to pee.  She's been waking me up before dawn, and it's... interfering with what little sleep I have been getting.

But when I stepped back into the nexus, the first greeting I got was a deep kiss on the mouth by... one of the oneiroi.  It was good; deeply passionate, gentle, meaningful...

I thought it was Phobetor, but I don't know.  Part of me doesn't want to know.  I'm too mixed up in my feelings for all this, and I'm not enjoying the roller coaster.  I've been in conflict all freaking day because of this.  I don't know what he wants, and honestly probably neither does he.  Being pushed and pulled to and fro while he figures it out isn't the most fun thing I could be doing, and my period cramps are killing me in the meantime.

Ughhhhh.

[worshippedraindrop]

Character Creation. . .

"Start by imagining a place in the distant past. . . This is where your worship will begin to flourish."

Like I said in my campaign notes post, I wanna set this on an island that's kind of inspired by Neverland -- which means the people here are also inspired by Neverland (and I suppose, to some extent, the Lost Boys and also the pirate presence.) This island should be thriving -- it's in a tropical sea during a time when pollution hadn't wracked the skies and the wild spaces thrived. But it does not thrive; the seas here are dark and empty. No one would choose to live here, unless they had no where else to go.

And the people arriving have no where else to go. They are outlaws, hunted and haunted by their regrets, by their mistakes and by the ways they were broken before they ever had a choice in the matter.

And this island that no one would choose is the perfect place to hide, if you are a nobody.

"Then think about how your god came to be. . . "

When the runaways first came to the island, there was a drought; they did not mind this, because they had stores from their travels, and because they were a vicious lot who felt no mercy for the merchant ships that would pass by.

But it was a hard life. It was rough, and cold -- a hell the lot of them thought they deserved. And when the rain broke, it was a reminder of something soft within them, something peaceful. Calm rippled through them.

"Even hell on earth has to abate itself sometimes," they murmured to themselves, "Even the harshest life has it's peaceful days."

Even going about their work, the cool dampness was a blessing more than a burden.

It was this peace that made me open my eyes; a sudden breaking of misery. A sudden gratitude for the small blessings of life.

And that's how they called me -- Evloyia. The one who said it first -- who left out flowers for me -- said it was greek. He was a gentle man, compared to the others, full of a softness to his words and his eyes that belied what they all did when they went out to sea. The others listened to him, even if they did not respect him, because it was always so sad to see him falter in disappointment if you did not hear him out.

"I do not mind asking for another blessing in life," he said; "I do not mind asking for a little peace. Lord knows there is enough pain in this life."

And so I calm people down; I soften their aches -- I give them a little peace.

The man who first gave me flowers is called Aire; he is always following after another man, Winslow, like a puppy -- so much so that the other men sometimes seem to think it's love. Perhaps it is, but Winslow is a hard man to love -- cold and unforgiving, with his eyes perpetually fixed on the horizon, and he does not like me much. When the other men speak of me, he drinks from his bottle and scoffs, and I think that breaks Aire's heart a little bit inside.

There is someone else like me on this island, though I have only caught glimpses of them. They appear sometimes as a man and sometimes as a bird and for all the peace I bring, I can not stop them from instigating things -- causing fights among the men, or bad luck or nightmares. They call themself Hael, but that's all I know.

There are things I can do -- I can soothe pain, and I can summon rain. I can numb a person like drink, making them forget their troubles and themselves.

There are things Aire has given me -- a crown of flowers that I won't let wither; a small shrine decorated with shells and a rustic set of reed pipes (I don't know how to play them.)

And there are stories the men whisper among themselves. How Aire set out a dinner for me, and when I ate it they argued about whether there were animals on the island to have done it or whether those animals could have gotten it so fast. I shushed them, and they dropped it, but every now and then . . .

How Winslow was raging one day -- rampaging like a demon -- until the scent of rain picked up, and then he stood out as it misted, tilting his face to the sky, and whatever pain had been clouding his eyes seemed to vanish when he returned to their small camp on the beach.

How late at night, they'll hear music from my shrine even though no one is there, and they'll go to Aire and Aire will tell them silly little stories about nymphs and faeries.

And there is someone who sometimes comes to the island from the mainland, on days when I feel sleepy and lethargic. So far, he has not met the other men; they pass by each other by hair's breadth, and I try to keep it that way. But I think he senses trouble, or he senses me because he will speak to me. He calls himself Tochtli, and he seems to think the island is cursed.

I do not know why he insists on investigating it, but he draws in the sand when he wants me to come to him -- a palm leaf with a large globe of water clinging to it's fringes. He is seeking something, and believes I will keep him safe.