#because the gods ARE a family! an extremely codependent unhealthy one!

[cringefaecompilation]

look i was originally worried about campaign 3 ending with an x-men style moral of "being bigoted is stupid because the people that you hate for no good reason helped you and are really cool!" and now i'm VERY worried because these schmucks are going sicko cassida mode (cassidiko mode) and under the impression of "just get rid of the evil deities or just asmodeus and the good ones will be cool with it because they’re good!" and i really don't want the primes to smite the fuck out of them too

[mylittleredgirl]

when i hear "found family" in relation to an ensemble of fictional characters in media there's two different things that could be happening here.

often it's what i think of as forced family, which is like "i found myself in a situation with these people" but a key part of the trope is that, like most families of origin, they're stuck with each other and can't leave without taking extreme action. voyager's "found family" is a forced family. i'm watching m*a*s*h now and it seems that way too. in both cases there's an outside constraint where you literally cannot escape these people and so grow to love them as a result, often in a codependent or unhealthy way but you are closer to them than you will ever be to anyone who did not share this experience. you would sell some of them to satan for one corn chip but god help any outsider who tries to break you up or even understand the situation. sometimes you get lucky and there's a person or two in there that you would choose to spend every day with regardless of circumstance (but would you really? can you even tell for sure??). but also it's "i will never ever speak to you again as long as i live but i'm really bored so can you give me a ride to the 7-11 first."

meanwhile chosen family is more like star trek the next generation where they are placed in this group at random but there's no hostage element to it. any one of them could request a transfer at any time, but they never will because this community and group of people have become an inseparable part of their identity. in both cases they'd saddle up and risk their lives to save each other forever at any personal cost ("not to me, not if it's you") but forced family also contains the element of "i'll fucking do it but christ alive." not every ensemble fits into one or the other but i think it's fun to distinguish as a concept.

[cynthiav06]

As toxic as Percabeth is, they’re still teenagers and there’s a chance that they could grow past that and Annabeth would overcome it. Heroes of Olympus makes that feel unlikely though.

I hold that belief because my relationship with my spouse started out unhealthy- I was extremely codependent due to not having many friends growing up and never quite getting the emotional support I needed from my family. But we grew past that and 11 years later, we’re approaching our 7 year marriage anniversary with our biggest goals as a couple (besides raising our kids) is to always communicate and it’s working well for us.

Annabeth in particular never maturing and growing past it doesn’t have to be what happens. They’re still teenagers, she could grow past it.

Unfortunately, she doesn’t seem like she’s going to grow and so many people act like the toxic relationship they have is normal and I’m just like…. No. Never mind, I don’t want to read Percabeth. Maybe I’ll ship Percy with Apollo or no one then.

I also thought of it that way. Annabeth would mature and come to understand the error of her ways, and since Percy means so much to her, she would reflect on all the things she says and does and change her ways in order to pursue a more healthier and long lasting relationship.

Then I read the Chalice of God and Read.Riordan. entries, and lost all hope. Annabeth is a character that you think cannot devolve more, and she surprises you in the worst possible way.

I have completely given up on Percabeth, and I will be reading any incoming books just for Percy as I always do.

Perpollo is a new but great ship that has so much potential but I am not really too in it yet but at least due to Apollo, Percy might ascend to godhood which is something I think is inevitable for someone of Percy's stature and power.

Right now, I think I am all for Perachel only. It's the best possible ship for Percy and for Rachel, and if you are interested, you should check out those posts.

But seriously, between their shared prophetic abilities, creative quick thinking minds, fun and easy going personality, and a deep care and affection for each other, Percy and Rachel are literally meant to be.

The Spirit of Delphi is extremely ancient and free and given Oracle of Delphi was once in Poseidon's domain, she could change alliances and freely date Percy, but my favorite headcanon is that Percy becomes a God and Rachel decides to swear allegiance to him instead.

Also, if you have any Perpollo recommendations or posts to share, please do.

[zeebreezin]

20 for the throuple!

20. Will they recover from their trauma or will it consume them?

Oh boy.

So, we’re going to have to break this question down a little bit, because this is an interesting one when we’re talking about the throuple. I’m also going to be answering this pretty much all at once for all three of them, which will make sense in a second. TL;DR: It really depends on what trauma we’re talking about here.

If this question is talking about their personal trauma, from before the New Sequence, then I would argue that yeah, they have been recovering, admittedly in an incredibly unhealthy way. Isobel’s family breaking down directly after the fall, Vincent’s […], and Laurence’s trauma following the War on Hell are still things that follow them for the rest of their lives, but also their relationship does genuinely help them heal from their experiences. I’d be lying if that extremely codependent mess didn’t have some positive impact, especially in the sense of having other people to rely on emotionally. Don’t get me wrong here, they’re endlessly feeding each other's complexes in an ouroboros-like manner, but you’re also talking about three people who are all some combination of massively codependent/starved for affection & care/[…]/insanely lonely/have very strange definitions of love. Is the relationship healthy? No, absolutely not. Is it working? Yes. Are they in a better place than when they started? Yeah.

On the other hand, I don’t think any of them are really ever going to unpack the fact that. Well. “Hey you’re in a military sun cult dedicated to a mechanical god”. Both Isobel & Vincent died extremely loyal to the cause, and though Laurence is less fanatical than those two were on a few levels, he’s also in way too deep to ever come to any conclusions about that. Especially not when his memories of his early days in the New Sequence are hazed over in affection, thanks to Isobel & Vincent. A lot of the red flags are lost on him now, and I highly doubt he’d ever be able to really deconstruct his beliefs unless under very specific circumstances - specifically involving Beverley, who he’s gotten pretty attached to. Even then I can’t see that ending well for him, and would probably only end up in him self destructing even harder. Sorry buddy.

There’s another level to this, specifically considering the fact that Vincent’s whole sense of identity is out of wack. The man’s brain is fucked beyond belief and trying to classify if he’s going to heal as a person or not is really difficult, considering the fact that beneath his charm he’s a very hollow shell that gets filled with whatever Isobel wants him to be in the moment. I genuinely don’t know if he could heal from all that without another terrible thing happening to him in the other direction, and then we’d be talking about an entirely different character.

Basically, I think my final answer for all of them is…. “Yes, but actually no,” with a ton of citations needed. Whoops.

[literallymechanical]

Book Recommendations? Book Recommendations!

This is the list of books I've read during the pandemic, and let me tell you, I am doing all sorts of decision paralysis on what I should read next. If any of y'all vibe with these, do you have anything you'd recommend? Other than the obvious sequels. Ideally nothing too YA-ish, right now.

In reverse chronological order: Skyward, Ancillary Justice, A Desolation Called Peace, A Memory Called Empire, Spinning Silver, Empress of Forever, Red Mars, The Priory Of The Orange Tree, This Is How You Lose The Time War, Harrow the Ninth, Gideon the Ninth, Rhythm of War, Dawnshard, The Ruin of Angels, and Four Roads Cross. I've put a little review of each of them under the cut!

Skyward, by Brandon Sanderson, 2018. Your usual story about an outcast, misunderstood teenage girl finding an injured dragon and nursing it back to health, except instead of a dragon it's a starfighter spaceship. Really solid YA scifi with Sanderson's trademark meticulous worldbuilding. An enjoyable read, though much lighter than his usual epic fantasy.

Ancillary Justice, by Ann Leckie, 2013. Honestly, I didn't enjoy this one. It was pitched as a queer science fiction space opera, but the "queer" bit was gimmicky and falls apart if you think about it, I didn't find the characters interesting, and the plot didn't even try to hide that it was just a list of checkboxes. Felt like a YA novel that refused to admit it. This is the only book on this list that I personally wouldn't recommend. But all my friends seemed to enjoy it, so I might be the odd one out here.

A Memory Called Empire and A Desolation Called Peace, by Arkadiy Martine, 2019 and 2021. The first two books in what will presumably be a trilogy, and the best stories I've read in a long time. Twisty political thrillers wrapped up in gorgeous science fiction, and by FAR my favorite books on this list. Vibrant characters with nuanced relationships, scifi worldbuilding that is frankly breathtaking, a captivating story, and an all-around delight to read. Language, identity, colonialism/imperialism, and cultural assimilation are tackled through the lens of scifi. In my opinion, this is what science fiction should be. Also there are lesbians. Above every other book here I HIGHLY RECOMMEND THESE ONES. Martine seriously earned her Hugo Award.

Spinning Silver, by Naomi Novik, 2018. Folklore-fantasy about three young women — the daughter of a jewish moneylender, a poor peasant girl from an abusive home, and the daughter of a nobleman who wants to marry her to the Tsar — caught up in a conflict between the Faerie realms, the human world, and something much more sinister than either. Highly recommend, especially if you're jewish.

Empress of Forever, by Max Gladstone, 2019. A fantastical science fiction breakneck-pace adventure romp that puts its foot on the gas in Chapter 2 and doesn't let up. It's also quite explicitly a genderbent retelling of the classic Chinese epic Journey to the West, with more lesbians this time. This book has all kinds of energy, extremely fun characters with more depth than you'd expect, and some bonkers high-concept SF. Highly recommend if you like swashbuckling found-family adventure stories, and wlw romance.

Red Mars, by Kim Stanley Robinson, 1992. Every book, movie, and TV show about colonizing Mars since Red Mars was written owes pretty much everything to this book. It can be a bit dense if you're not up for lengthy (but gorgeous!) descriptions of Martian landscapes, and there are one or two bits where you just have to keep in mind that it was the 90's and this was quite progressive for its day. That being said, I am a sucker for a two-page description of a martian sunset. If crunchy hard-science fiction thrillers (emphasis on the "science") are your thing, I recommend this one. I'll read the sequels (Blue Mars and Green Mars) at some point.

The Priory of the Orange Tree, by Samantha Shannon, 2019. The prose and plot read like classic high fantasy, but with a modern eye towards character-driven storytelling. It's not often that you get something that feels so classic and so modern at the same time. Scratches that Lord of the Rings itch, with Queens and dragons and glorious heroes, but queer romance and a heavy focus on character development makes this a modern fantasy classic. Highly recommend if you like doorstopper-length high fantasy, and lesbians.

This Is How You Lose The Time War, by Max Gladstone and Amal El-Mohtar, 2019. A novella, you can read it in a couple of days — or a single marathon sitting, if you get into it. Gladstone (same author as Empress of Forever) and El-Mohtar take turns writing letters back and forth from time-traveling spies of rival timelines: Red works for the post-singularity mechanical Agency, and Blue fights for the Garden, a post-solarpunk biofuture. Their letters start out as taunts, and gradually change in tone as each develops a grudging respect for her rival. That rivalry blossoms — or compiles — into something deeper. It's emotional and raw, and it cartwheels merrily down the tightrope of fantasy, science fiction, and poetry. Highly recommend, though the flowery prose and gleeful disregard for explaining itself to the audience might be off-putting for some.

Gideon the Ninth and Harrow the Ninth by Tamsyn Muir, 2019 and 2020. I'll let the pull quote from on the cover of Gideon from Charles Stross' review describe these: "Lesbian necromancers explore a haunted gothic palace in space! Decadent nobles vie to serve the deathless emperor! Skeletons!" This one is horrifying, and it's funny, but I wouldn't call it comedy-horror. It kind of defies genre, outside the very broadest scope of "science fantasy." Read it if you like lots of gore, graphic violence, madcap humor, and extremely unhealthy, codependent, dysfunctional relationships that are always on the verge of self-destructing into multiple-homicide. Highly recommend.

Rhythm of War and Dawnshard, by Brandon Sanderson, 2020. Rhythm of War is book 4 of the Stormlight Archives, one of several epic fantasy series by Brandon Sanderson. Dawnshard is a novella set between books 3 and 4. This is the same author as Skyward, but intended for a more mature audience. Stormlight is definitely my favorite epic fantasy series, and I've read a lot of epic fantasy. These books have some extremely interesting takes on racism, mental illness, trauma, disability, identity, family, and regret, far more so than pretty much any other high fantasy I've read. The first book is The Way of Kings, and if you like bigass doorstopper multi-book fantasy series, The Stormlight Archives should be at the top of your list.

Four Roads Cross and The Ruin of Angels, by Max Gladstone, 2016 and 2017. While Empress of Forever and Time War were standalone novels, these are books 5 and 6 in Gladstone's Craft Sequence, and they are absolutely brilliant. This is a world where about sixty years ago, humankind went to war with the Gods, and the Gods lost. "Magic" in this world is more or less synonymous with "legal contracts," where you can literally sell your soul to your student loan company and resurrecting a dead god is basically bankruptcy restructuring. "Necromancer" is roughly synonymous with "lawyer." The first five books can be read more-or-less out of order, but I recommend you start with Three Parts Dead. Gladstone is probably my favorite author these days. Everything he writes feel like it could be a poem. Also, once again, lesbians.

I am really not sure why about 2/3 of these books are about lesbians. Like seriously, I went into almost all of these books completely cold. The only ones where I knew ahead of time to expect lesbians were the Locked Tomb books, and The Priory of the Orange Tree. I don't know if this is just because a lot of modern scifi and fantasy has lesbians, or if all my friends who recommend me books are queer, or if it's just a coincidence, but hey, I'm not complaining.

[inkykeiji]

Hi Clari!!! I hope you're doing well and had an amazing weekend! I'm sorry if you've already answered something like this before! 😊

I was having big thoughts about the twins, but then I couldn't remember if you'd mentioned the other Todoroki siblings existing in this AU!?!

You may have done and I just missed it, but if the other siblings already do, and if not, did exist in the AU, what would the twins relationship be like with them?

I can imagine Touya being the more approachable of the two, I feel he'd click quite well with Fuyumi perhaps? They both give me those sort of caregiver vibes 😅

Natsuo and Dabi I can imagine being close, not quite as close as in the Touya - Nii series, but I can still imagine Natsuo looking up to both his big brothers because they're so cool! (Dabi is just that smidge cooler to him though 😌)

Would Shoto still be Enji's perfect poster boy, or would Touya have taken that spot?

Would the twins be open to sharing the reader with Natsuo like Touya-Nii did in the Snowman and Me series? Or is it strictly something kept between the twins?

Do the Todoroki family know about the reader and the twins relationship? Do they approve?

There are just too many thoughts for my one track mind 😩😌

It'd be really interesting to know your take! --- The anon who dreamt about living with Dabi on a ranch 🐥

hello sweetpea!!!! oh you’re so lovely <33 thank you bb i hope you had a wonderful weekend as well!!! <3

BUT ANONNNN I AM SHOUTING HAHAHAHA oh my gosh okay first of all you and i have got to be on the same wavelength today bb hehehe because i haven’t mentioned their relationship with the other todoroki siblings much on my blog but i do have (and have had) their relationships with each mapped out in my notebook for months now and i was literally looking it over when you sent this in!! <33

AH SO MANY GOOD QUESTIONS LET’S GET INTO IT WEEEEEEE <3

so first i’m going to link you to this post (which kinda just delves into their relationship with each other but touches upon other relationships in the family) and this post (which discusses dabi’s reaction to yelling and touches upon his trauma related to enji; pls heed the tws!!) but to reiterate and all that:

twin!touya pretty much gets along with all of his siblings in some way. he’s the perfect model of an older brother. as i mentioned in the first post linked above, touya is just really good at playing the part. twin!dabi, on the other hand, barely gets along with anyone other than his twin. he’s extremely difficult to be around about 97% of the time.

natsuo definitely does think both of his older brothers are super super cool, and he follows them around like a puppy when they’ll let him, but he’s actually closer to twin!touya than he is to twin!dabi, simply because twin!dabi won’t let him get too close; dabi’s extreme trust issues get in the way. still, natsuo was the only one there for dabi when touya had been taken from him, and that forged quite a lasting and deep bond, even if it terrifies dabi to this day, even if dabi tries his very hardest to shove natsuo away because of it, even if it’s still extremely complex; a jumbled, tangled mess in his heart. but natsuo understands, and he’s nothing if not resilient, so he kinda just bounces back from it each and every time. but twin!touya has a special soft spot for natsuo, because natsuo was there to take care of his baby twin brother when he wasn’t, and to touya, that means the whole world to him <3 touya hopes that one day his twin will let his guard down enough to let natsuo into his heart, too.

fuyumi is incredibly suspicious of twin!touya. she’s smart as a whip, just like he is, and she can read him like a book and knows when he’s up to something; and he’s always up to something. all she wants is for her family to get along, for god’s sake, and she knows touya’s a threat to that, because he knows how ridiculously manipulative he is, and how he’s planning something against their father—fuyumi is the only of the todoroki siblings that actually has sympathy for their father. thus, even though touya has told her time and again not to worry about it, that everyone will be happy in the end, she knows ‘the end’ does not include their father in any way, shape, or form. still, with that being said, they get along quite well, and they’re constantly throwing teasing quips each other’s way <3 when it comes to twin!dabi, fuyumi’s heart positively breaks for him. he shoves her away, too, because he doesn’t know how to deal with her overwhelming love, but that does not deter her in the slightest. she was there, she witnessed what happened to him, she helped natsuo take care of him in every way she could; in fact, fuyumi took care of that entire family after her mother left. but she has such a soft spot for twin!dabi in her heart, a special type of unconditional love and sympathy for him, and she’ll always be there for him, no matter how many callous insults he spits her way. she views him akin to a terrified animal, and she understands why he lashes out, and sometimes—very rarely, but sometimes—he will let her take him into her arms and hold him, hug him, shush him. she was pretty much the mother he never had for those years when he was without his twin, even though she’s a little younger than he is. so there’s a very interesting, very complex bond there as well.

shouto loves both of his eldest brothers so much. twin!touya loves him back, thinks he’s an absolutely brilliant kid and such a kind, beautiful soul, but he can’t help but feel some resentment towards him; residual feelings that have been transferred from his twin to him. still, he tries to bury them, because he knows none of this is actually shouto’s fault, and that their father is the true villain here, the true one to blame. as i mentioned in the first post linked above, twin!dabi hates shouto with a fierce passion, because he feels betrayed for his twin, betrayed by the way their father so quickly found an (inferior, in his opinion) replacement for touya—to mold into the perfect puppet—and he himself feels a little slighted, too, angry and offended that their father didn’t even try to mold him in replacement of his twin and just went straight to the next ‘perfect’ child, because twin!dabi was too much work, he’s sure. shouto is terrified of dabi, but he looks up to touya with absolute stars in his eyes <3

rei feels incredibly guilty. she likes to pretend that she doesn’t know why she took only twin!touya when she really should’ve taken them both, and will regret for the rest of her life seperating the two of them for a few years. it was incredibly selfish of her, to snatch touya up only because she knew it would hurt her husband the most, and to leave twin!dabi and the rest of her children there with such a brute for a father. dabi hates her for it, and she doesn’t blame him. she hopes one day he can find it in his heart to forgive her for such a horrible mistake, but she knows it’s a slim possibility. she is very, very close to twin!touya though.

i have already touched upon their relationship with enji in the posts linked above, but basically twin!touya IS still enji’s favourite, and enji only latched onto shouto after rei took touya away (during the divorce). touya is still first in line for the family business, and shouto acts as more or less of a back-up, in case touya fails. he’s also easier to control, which is quite appealing to enji, too.

and then, as you can tell, the twins themselves have a very, very unhealthy codependency on each other; they can barely function without one another now <3

ANYWAY LOVELY, THOSE ARE THEIR RELATIONSHIPS WITH THE SIBLINGS + THEIR PARENTS!!! to answer your last few questions:

would the twins be open to sharing the reader with natsuo like touya-nii did in the snowman and me series? or is it strictly something kept between the twins? 

no, they absolutely would not share her with natsuo, this is something very special and sacred and kept strictly between them <3

do the todoroki family know about the reader and the twins relationship? do they approve? 

EHEHEHEHE this is something i’m really really looking forward to exploring in the future of the series!!! because the angst potential is totally insane hehe <3 the answer is, it’s extremely complicated. enji doesn’t approve at all. like, at ALL. he hates to think what the press would think, if this ever got out, and he knows dabi would be more than willing to leak it; anything to hurt his father, right? natsuo thinks it’s SO awesome and super hot, fuyumi thinks it’s quite cute how they share everything, but worries for the poor sweet reader since she knows how her brothers can be, and shouto can’t even think about it without blushing and getting super embarrassed; he isn’t really sure what he thinks yet, but he feels like it’s more their business than his own. rei is on the fence; she wants her boys to be happy, but is this really the best and healthiest way to do it? does she even have a say in it at all? is it really her place or her right to step up and say something? she isn’t sure.

i hope this answers all of your questions bb!!!! thank you so much for asking aaaah i LOVE talking about stuff like this and i am super super excited to explore it deeper within the series!!!! AH EHEHE I REMEMBER U AND UR DREAM <3333 aw such a cute lil chick emoji 🥺🥺 i hope you’re doing wonderful my friend and i wish you many more touya dreams in the future <3

[river-bottom-nightmare]

What's your favorite DC ship?

Oh dear god this is a difficult question. I have so many, and they’re all for different reasons. Jayroy is the epitome of hurt/comfort and family fluff, timkon has so much great canon material and can honestly be read as a traditional romcom, and I really like the way damijon could develop in the future. I’m actually a fan of Bruce and Selina, and just Selina in general, because her character is pretty amazing and the way she interacts with Bruce and the rest of the batfam is always fun to read. Roy and Kori in Outlaws was done pretty well, and Dick and Kori’s relationship in Titans context is great. Issues where Babs is written well has some great romance between her and Dick. In the YJ universe only, Bart and Jaime is just so cute. And of course you can’t forget Barry and Iris, their relationship is a classic and I love it. 

But If I had to choose a favourite, I’d go with Birdflash, aka Dick Grayson x Wally West. Now, this may just be because Wally is my favourite of the speedsters and Dick’s my favourite of the batfam. (By which I mean he’s my favourite character. He is NOT my favourite Robin, but as a character in general I love him.) But the thing is, Dick and Wally are the epitome of friends to lovers, and that makes their relationship so effortlessly easy. 

Ever since they were kids, Dick and Wally have always been close. Depending on what story arc you’re looking at, Wally was the first person Dick told about his secret identity. Yes, the Titans were all extremely close, and that’s what makes them such an incredible team, but Dick and Wally’s relationship in particular was special. They’re different enough to make their dynamic interesting, but similar enough tie their friendship together. And the fact that their relationship (in fanon, unfortunately) grew organically out of their friendship makes it all the better. 

Because when it comes down to it, Dick and Wally will always be best friends first and whatever else second. They’ve got obligations and promises to each other, and it doesn’t matter if they’re fighting as a couple or having a squabble about League matters or whatever. The two of them have each other’s backs, no matter what. Not out of sense of duty or responsibility, but because they truly care for the other on a fundamental level. But at the same time, they know not to get too wrapped up in each other, because obsession only leads to pain. They get along and they have fun, they laugh and they joke and they keep things light and happy whenever possible, while also loving each other deeply and passionately. When they fight, they cool down and talk about it because they know what bottling up does to people. 

And the most important part is that they know how to live without each other. There are so many couples where one person cannot live without the other, and they’re painfully codependent. And I will admit, there is a certain romance in your fate being so intertwined with another’s that you cannot be separated. In a perfect world, those two will love each other forever. But that sort of relationship is unhealthy and can grow toxic. Dick and Wally, on the other hand can live without each other. They have independent lives, families, friends. They have a life outside of each other, and they can live apart and keep themselves going. They simply want to be together. They don’t need the other to exist, they don’t feel incomplete without the other. They choose to be together because they are both incredible individual people who complement each other rather than complete each other. And that makes their relationship all the more stronger.

In conclusion, I have many many birdflash feels. and I love them. 

[rememberingthesugden-dingles]

I keep seeing your spn gifs and having never seen the show before, I was just wondering what it's about. As from the gifs I seem to gather it's a supernatural show about 2 brothers but they are the loves of each others lives ??? But not in a incestuous way but a brotherly way ?? Cos each time I see a gifset and your tags I'm like ok this shows wild, they're brothers but also their weird love bond they have intrigues me. A quick rundown of the show would be appreciated if you don't mind !

oh boy haha...

actually no you know what you’ve summed it up perfectly tbh! 👌

the show is obviously called supernatural and so this is the context in which the protagonists exist. it is indeed about two brothers: sam and dean winchester.

basically it starts like this: on november 2nd 1983, their mum dies in weird supernatural circumstances when sam is a baby and dean is 4 yo, which sends their dad on a downward spiral, obsessed with finding answers and getting revenge. soon their dad realises there are things that go bump in the night and he starts researching them and fighting them.

thus is the way that sam and dean are brought up, staying in cheap motel rooms while their dad goes on a ‘case’, having no one to really rely on but each other. the family can’t bring too much attention on themselves and they never stay in the same town too long, always off to another case, another motel etc. their dad raises them like warriors, “hunters”, wanting them to be ready and to know how to defend themselves. he loves them but he’s obsessive and authoritative. they don’t get to socialize like normal kids, but at least they know how to use guns, eh! #thefamilybusiness

dean (the older brother) is the soldier child, his dad’s right hand man. an extreme amount of responsibility was put on his shoulders from the moment the mum died and he follows in his dad’s footsteps with blind faith.

sam (the younger brother) is the rebellious child. protected by dean growing up, he doesn’t hero-worship their dad as much as dean does and questions his orders a lot. he longs for a normal life... mostly, he wants to be normal really bad (spoiler alert: he’s not).

when the pilot starts, sam is 22, at college (stanford) living in a dorm with his girlfriend after being booed out of his family for choosing normal, for wanting to go to college. he hasn’t seen them in four years.  but then the brothers are reunited when dean comes to find him because their dad has ‘gone missing’ and dean needs sam’s help finding him. sam accepts to go with dean for just one case but when he comes home to his dorm, he finds his girlfriend dead in the same circumstances as his mum. and BOOM, you have the show!  sam packs his bags to go on road with dean and together the brothers embark on a quest to find their dad and the demon that killed their mum. 

travelling across america in their 67′ chevrolet impala (their home), going from motel room to motel room, they will spend the next 15 seasons hunting and facing everything supernatural from ghosts, urban legends, demons, sirens, vampires to the devil himself, angels, god... and themselves.

despite its humor and sometimes ‘upbeat’ tone, the show is pretty dark and the characters do nothing but suffer... but it’s hella entertaining! 😂

basically it’s about two brothers clinging to each other for better or worse, in a world and a life of trauma. <3

the relationship between those brothers is the very heart and essence of the show. it’s fascinating and oh so very messed up, for reasons that the context of the show makes understandable, and will make your heart clench every episode.

they are indeed the love of each other’s life, as well as canon soulmates. unable to form lasting romantic relationships, whenever they’ve tried it didn’t last long and they always ended up coming back to each other.

their relationship is incestuous, or has strong incestuous undertones at the very least, not in a ‘they’re doing it on screen’ kind of way, but in the sense that it doesn’t have a normal sibling relationship’s boundaries. they are textually codependent to a very unhealthy degree, but in the context of their lives, and within the show, that codependency is almost romanticised and viewed as this beautiful thing that you can only root for. it keeps them human, it keeps them going.

they have gone to hell for each other, sacrificed themselves as well as other loved ones for each other, they have become monsters for each other. there is no limit to the bond that they have. sure it’s rooted in trauma but it’s theirs and they love it. it doesn’t make sense to me to apply words like “romantic” or “platonic” to them, because that would require clear boundaries, which aren’t there. it’s all mushed together and that’s the point.

the best way to explain sam and dean’s relationship is probably the word “all-encompassing”. you know how in a normal/healthy setting you have several different people playing several different social roles in your life? well the thing is sam and dean are each other’s everything and they play all of these roles for each other. hence the mess. they very much are siblings but they are also to a point parent/child, life-partners, best friends, spouses, lovers, coworkers etc.. and all of these different dynamics create the messy result that they are.

to conclude, i will now quote a line straight from the show itself that to this day is still the most accurate description of them i’ve ever heard : “you know sam and dean winchester are psychotically, irrationally, erotically codependent on each other, right? [...] hell, they’d rather save each other’s sweet bacon than save the planet”.

there you go, hope that helped! fdjklk

[serenityinself]

How do you know Jules?? 🧐

Trigger Warning: Abuse

Oh god, I like gotta do a check-in with my therapist just from hearing that name. Y’all know me, I’m not in the business of bashing people I have dated, but this needs to be put out there.

We loosely dated for like 4-5 months, years ago. Like 2.5 years ago? They like manipulated me into a relationship that I wasn’t really given a choice of being in, in the beginning, which I didn’t realize until after. Like they straight up didn’t communicate, and then they were just like well I’m ready to date you so lets go, and my broken ass was like okaaay? Gut feelings are so important and I didn’t listen to mine.

They then proceeded to be one of most manipulative and toxic people I’ve ever met. I should’ve understood from the red flags of them constantly bashing EVERY single one of their exes and calling them all abusive. Also from them talking extremely badly about every single one of their friends, and then calling me controlling and telling their friends that I wouldn’t let them hang out with them, because I was like hey if they’re making you feel like shit, maybe don’t spend so much time with them? And then she would purposely ignore them because they were “being toxic” or getting on her nerves, meanwhile telling them it’s cause of me? She basically played everyone.

I would literally have her yelling and cursing at me while I was asking her to please stop, AND she would simultaneously text her friends and be like “Nas is being aggressive,” to create a false narrative. I also should’ve seen the other red flags when she would straight up like call her Mom and Sister the most vilest things... Furthermore she put up this front of being super liberal, but like she definitely made a lot of racist/xenophobic remarks, refused to acknowledge her privilege, did sooo many microaggressions. She refused to believe sexual assault/rape victims that didn’t share their stories and would dismiss instances she didn’t believe. She constantly would lash out at me because her life was stressful due to her inability to manage the stressors in them, and then would expect me to piece everything together for her, and then would then be pissed off whenever I couldn’t fix a situation for her. Like she decided to take in a cat from her friend and then didn’t coordinate how to transport them and then didn’t coordinate a living situation so their Mom had to take the cat in, but guess who paid to transport them AND still got yelled at. God, it was so bad. That “relationship” was the literally the last straw of me ever allowing someone to treat me like that.

Dude, I can go on for days. I was really heartbroken from my previous relationship, which she knew and she used to manipulate and gaslight me. She knew my Dad recently passed, that I was going through a lot, that I was an Empath and someone who would do anything for those in my life and she took advantage of all of it. She also knows that because she comes from a wealthy, WHITE family and has friends who she knows how to perfectly manipulate and that refuse to check her, that her small circle of people would never think twice but to believe whatever she says. We literally broke up because I had enough and I was “hey you’re a terrible person,” and somehow even that turned into me being the bad person. Prior to that I had sooo many talks with her about not yelling at me, cursing at me, her codependency, unhealthy attachment and toxicity issues. I suggested multiple times that we weren’t healthy for one another and that our relationship wasn’t working, but she kept pushing for us to be together. I think when I finally had the guts to call her out on not being a good person, it clicked that she couldn’t manipulate me anymore. My thoughts are she wanted to create the narrative of me being that bad guy because I was the only person willing to call her on her crap.

For the longest time, I thought staying more quiet about the situation was the right path, like I have talked about it to my therapist, friends, etc and I have somewhat posted about it on here, and I just don’t like the idea of bashing someone, but I’m done with that. I know if you’re asking this, they’re probably still partaking in defamation and libel because that’s what manipulators do. They can’t control you, so they try to control the narrative.

I literally took a Domestic Violence course after that situation because she was so damn emotionally/mentally abusive. And at first I gave her the benefit of the doubt, but given the random Anons I get, I know she’s cognizant of what she’s doing. I know she’s still pushing a narrative and I’m so over it. To the point where I’m ready to take legal action because what they’ve done is so messed up. The fact that she thinks she can just try to create a false narrative about me because she’s a white woman from a wealthy family, and I’m a person of color who comes from a working class background and doesn’t have money like that is sooo beyond f*cked up. The fact that she knows I’m from what is considered a more “rough” area, I’m Muslim, and Middle Eastern and that she can easily paint a shitty image of me is so freaking disgusting.

That being said, if you follow me, and you follow lovetrickeryandirony, please do not talk to me about them, and please consider not interacting with them. I have had them blocked for 2.5 years, but apparently they still feel the need to be be toxic. Everyone who knows me knows that I’m very reserved and I don’t like to put these parts of my life out there, I prefer to proces them privately, but I just can’t with this one anymore. It took a whole lot of courage to answer this, and speak on this, but it’s important for me to say what happened, because these aren’t the kind of situations where “being the bigger person” applies. I’m sorry if you still want to follow them, please just do me the favor of unfollowing me.

[dennace]

𝙲𝙷𝙰𝚁𝙰𝙲𝚃𝙴𝚁 𝙸𝙽𝚃𝙴𝚁𝚅𝙸𝙴𝚆. ( repost ,  don’t  reblog. )

NAME  :   dennis reynolds. ALIAS :   the looks, the legend, the hammer of thor, mr. excellence, golden god, hugh honey, the daiquiri man, brian lefevre, dane brass, + more. but also none of these. he’s just dennis. AGE  :  43 years old. SPECIES  :   human. FAMILY  :  deandra “dee” reynolds (older twin sister), frank reynolds (step/adoptive father), barbara reynolds (mother; deceased), bruce mathis (biological father), gail the snail (cousin on his mother’s side), maureen ponderosa (ex-wife; deceased). without canon divergence: brian jr (son). SIGNIFICANT OTHER  :  i promise i’m not saying this as a person who vies for a mac/dennis romance — the show has never really been about that for me, though it admittedly sweetens the deal now that i’m paying attention — but mac mcdonald just about counts. it’s dennis’ longest-lasting, most romantically-coded (which is on purpose, according to the cast/creators) relationship of the series. they don’t pull that cheap sitcom bullshit, either, where two close men have some ‘tension’ that’s ultimately played for laughs; there is ongoing, serious development between the pair (however unhealthy, however doomed to fail). mac is now an out gay man and in more recent seasons has said flat-out that he loves and wants dennis to love him. so. mac. (kind of.) (he’s still single. just extremely codependent and maybe angled to wind up with mac eventually.)

𝙿𝙴𝚁𝚂𝙾𝙽𝙰𝙻.

RELIGIOUS BELIEF  :  very, very nearly an atheist. we’re going ‘agnostic’ only because mac has a history of getting into his head about religion to some extent. SINS  :   greed  /  gluttony  /  sloth  / lust  /  pride  /  envy  /  wrath VIRTUES  :   chastity  /  charity  /  diligence  /  humility /  kindness  /  patience /  justice PRIMARY GOALS IN LIFE  :  he wanted to be a veterinarian for many years, but that’s as good as quashed. he doesn’t even necessarily want to... survive, at this point, so i can’t say ‘achieving happiness.’ he’s miserable and lonely and gradually resigning himself to it. KNOWN LANGUAGES  :  english. SECRETS  :  he is trying very hard to keep from himself that he’s gay, so it’s less a secret than a persistent pattern of denial. he dyes the gray out of his hair — but again, everyone notices. he loves musical theater. he’s afraid of heights. he’s being medicated for one of his diagnosed mental illnesses. SAVVIES  :  tending bar/mixing drinks. great at applying makeup.

𝙿𝙷𝚈𝚂𝙸𝙲𝙰𝙻.

BUILD  :   scrawny  / bony  /  slender (tries to remain underweight; isn’t always successful, but often) /  fit  /  athletic  /  curvy  /  herculean  /  pudgy  /  average HEIGHT  :   5′10″. SCARS / MARKS  :  minor hyperpigmentation on his right cheek, upper left thigh, lower right shoulder blade. he keeps the spots on his face covered with foundation. ABILITIES / POWERS  :   n/a. RESTRICTIONS  :  despite frequently priding himself on his ‘physical perfection,’ dennis is in exceptionally poor shape. he’s liable to passing out quickly from overexertion; also breaks a heavy sweat faster than any other member of the gang. anemia, low blood pressure, refeeding syndrome beyond 40.

𝙵𝙰𝚅𝙾𝚁𝙸𝚃𝙴𝚂.

FOOD  :   he’d list something fancy when in reality, he really... really enjoys (and misses) the simple foods. he’s big on seafood, definitely enjoys a good pizza, chimichangas, burgers. snacks like popcorn and potato chips. DRINK  :   alcoholic. (and tea, coffee.) PIZZA TOPPING  :   pepperoni or mushrooms. COLOUR  :   blue. MUSIC GENRE  :  glam rock and yacht rock, baby. BOOK GENRE  :   nonfiction until he gets bored (it’s swift). trashy romance when no one’s looking. MOVIE GENRE  :  action, buddy films. SEASON  :   winter, maybe? CURSE WORD  :   i’d say he uses ‘shit’ and ‘god/damn’ most often? ‘bitch’ is up there. c*nt. SCENT(S)  :  the bar. it doesn’t smell... strictly good, but it brings him comfort. likes the smell of coffee, too.

𝚁𝙰𝙽𝙳𝙾𝙼.

BOTTOM OR TOP  :   bottom. SINGS IN THE SHOWER  :   yes. lot of rick astley. LIKES BAD PUNS  :  nah. his own repetitive shitty jokes aside, he’s pretty picky about comedy.

TAGGED BY: stole it from the lovely @malwares TAGGING: god i’m so lazy, man, i can’t do this. @andwillful / @bugdown. 

[underlxnd]

hey totally not a person you know here, just a random anon. Can I get every headcanon symbol for every muse.

fk u mandy

send 🍯 for a food headcanonsend🥛for a drink headcanonsend 🐢 for a mental health headcanonsend 🦄 for a physical health headcanonsend ⌛for a sleep headcanonsend 💕 for a love headcanonsend 💣 for a stress headcanonsend 😵 for a sickness headcanonsend 🤲 for a religious headcanonsend 🏡 for a home headcanonsend 🍬 for a family headcanonsend 💼 for a work headcanonsend ⛈️ for a sadness headcanonsend 😡 for an anger headcanonsend 💩 for a ridiculous headcanonsend 🌼 for a happiness headcanon

Read more because this is gonna be long af

🍯 - Let’s do favorite foods for this one

Alicia - Asian cuisine, Alyse - baked goods, Cheshire - fish, Jasper - cookies, Xander - quail, Scarlette - apples, Jack - a big ass cheeseburger, Archer - baked chicken, May - tea cakes, Milly - donuts, Ayden - candy (more specifically lollipops), Delia & Dudley - sweets, Beatrix - flesh uh let’s go with steak

🥛 - favorite drink

Alicia - coffee, Alyse - cappuccino, Cheshire - milk, Jasper - tea, Xander - brandy, Scarlette - merlot, Jack - fireball whiskey, Archer - any fruity alcohol, May - tea, Milly - coffee, Ayden - vodka, Delia & Dudley - shirley temple, Beatrix - blood uhm w-water..

🐢 - mental health; they are all neurotic and have some sort of mental issue

Alicia & Alyse - childhood trauma led to all sorts of issues with them and their trauma has manifested Wonderland and its inhabitants, which resulted in them being afflicted with some of their issues, Cheshire - depression masked by humor, Jasper - anxiety, Xander - probably the most normal/stable but has a problem forming bonds/connections with people despite how kind and empathetic he may seem, Scarlette - superiority complex that is debilitating and heavy emphasis on the ‘to mask feelings of inferiority’, Jack - insomnia and extremely repressed, Archer - bpd, May - OCD perfectionism, Milly - narcolepsy, Ayden - drug dependency and suppresses whatever could be wrong before it can effect him, Delia & Dudley - unhealthy codependency and mild sociopathy, Beatrix - Dissociative identity disorder

🦄 - physical health

They’re all in good physical health, as they can not die or be seriously/permanently hurt.

⌛ - sleep

As they are ‘imaginary’ in a dreamland, they do not have dreams of their own.

💕 - love

This is just...a messy topic for any of them, really. Fortunately, yes, they are all capable of love. But unfortunately, most - if not all - don’t really know how to process the feeling and it causes anxiety and distress. (though, of course, with love and patience they can be helped through that - for the most part)

💣 - stress

Bruh they all stressed tbh The glory of being a manifestation of mental illness

😵 - sickness

For the same reason for their immortality, they can’t really get sick. Like, they can’t get a disease or anything serious. Maybe a cold or something here and there but generally pretty healthy.

🤲 - religion

They were made by two kids, that’s the closest thing they’ll ever see as ‘God’

🏡 - home

There are many houses of shapes and sizes throughout Wonderland, as well as two magnificent castles - a white one and a red one. A lot of the houses are unoccupied and spawn and despawn randomly if no one claims one, to accommodate the random npcs as well as visitors such as the twins. The white castle belongs to Xander, where May stays. The red castle belongs to Scarlette, where Jack and Jasper also reside. The others occupy one of the random houses throughout Wonderland - Archer owns several for his parties and a separate personal residence, Chesire tends to bounce from house to house and doesn’t really settle on one.

🍬 - family

There really isn’t much to say that can’t already be found elsewhere here fgfdhg

If the character isn’t listed as being related to another character, then that character has no family rip

💼 - work

Their jobs/roles have already been covered. If one isn’t listed then they’re ‘unemployed’.

⛈️ - sadness

Honestly lmao they all fuckin sad, man, even if you can’t outright see it - though it is obvious with a couple. They’re lonely and dealing with shit. Hug them.

😡 - angery

Scarlette is like always angery. Jack is easily annoyed and gets pissed off, but generally has a lot of patience and discipline. The twins, May, Milly, and Jasper don’t really get angry. The Tweedles, Ayden, and Archer can be dangerous when angry. Xander gets like disappointed quiet angry which is scary in its own way. Beatrix will turn into a beast and eat you.

💩 - ridiculous

Before things got too hostile and split between factions, they would have a tea party every Sunday to try to keep the peace. Obviously it wasn’t enough.

🌼 - happiness 

T..They aren’t very happy, pls help. This is very thread dependent as positive things depend on how the characters develop during interactions with other people’s muses, and it won’t always be the same outcome.

[sigurdjarlson]

So, coz I never get tired of this (and because I'm trying to distract myself from being hellishly hungover): What would the Wintermoon girls be like as villains? Say they joined Aszhara, or Elisande, rather than making their own way?

Ooooh interesting question. 

This got extremely long and borders on being a goddamn character analysis essay I’m so sorry

I hope you feel better soon though. Hangovers are hell.

edit: (OOOF  forgot the read more. Sorry to anyone who had this monster of a post take up their dash for a minute there)

Any villain Diily AU I have tends to be one where she loses Alaluria and Ladelia in a very traumatic way and just kind of..snaps. Or rather doesn’t give a fuck about anything but getting vengeance.

Completely disillusioned with everyone, heroes, villains, she doesn’t care. Get in her way and you’re cat food.

A lot of things that make her..her? Would be gone. Compassion being the most notable missing trait. It’s switched off and twisted into something much worse.

I think..cold. She’s all rage but it’s a quiet and cold rage. Calculating. Patient. Ruthless. She’s a huntress after all and she is just..hunting a different kind of prey now.

And honestly cruel because why should she continue to be kind when the world never was to them? Why should she keep giving when all fate seems to do is take and take from her until there’s nothing left.

She’s putting all that pain and rage onto her victims and it makes for..very brutal deaths. Because they deserve it, don’t they? They’re all monsters. All of them. Look what they did. Even those who had nothing to do with it?

The world is cruel so she will be too. She tried being good once and look where that got her.

Such a huge part of her identity is being that sister figure to Alaluria and Ladelia. Her life has been dedicated to protecting them for 10,000 years. And naturally that inherent kindness and compassion extends to the rest of the world too.

They’ve all got some..hm..codependency issues that have been getting better as they get older and branch out, spend time with other people but they do still exist. Ironically I’d actually say Diily has it the worst there. It’s part why her and Alaluria clashed so much. It didn’t mesh well with Alaluria’s own deep rooted issues.

And WERE ABOUT TO GET REAL DEEP INTO THEIR PSYCH because it plays a huge part in how something like this could so drastically change her

GODDDD my Diily. She’s such a mess and full of good intentions that sadly don’t always have the best results. And the saddest thing about her is that she was just as much of a traumatized, terrified child as the other two when they lost their parents.

And she was thrust into that mother role which she was of course not emotionally or mentally prepared to take. She herself is deeply traumatized and trying to cope but none of them know how.

She does know she loves them though. And so, she throws herself in that role completely. They’re her world okay. She loves them more than life itself. I can’t stress that enough.

And another thing that breaks my heart is that in becoming what is essentially their mother as a young pre-teen she gave up everything. None of them had a typical upbringing and a typical adolescence but Diily really had none of that.

She’ll starve herself before she let them go hungry (she’s done it before). She’ll sell her body before she lets them freeze or succumb to illness. (And god she wasn’t ready for that. Not at all. My poor girl.)

She’d tear her own heart from her chest herself if it meant theirs kept beating.

She gives and gives and it leaves her very empty. This doesn’t only stretch to her sisters. She’s very much..a caretaker? But she doesn’t really know how to balance that with taking care of herself. So, she lets them fall or the side because in her eyes? She’s completely unimportant in comparison.

She never got to be a teenager. None of them did but she lost her innocence in ways that she bent over backwards to protect them from.

The worst part she’ll never think she’s done enough. She’s proud of the people her sisters have become but she feels she’s failed them. They didn’t have a normal childhood. They saw and did things no child should have to see and do. (Even while she got the worst of it)

In my eyes, she’s far from perfect but here she did the best she could.  (and someone truly needs to tell her that ugh 3)

They’ve been hurt and she takes them being hurt as a personal failure. Rationally she cannot keep them safe from everything but she blames herself every time. She’s her big sister after all. She’s supposed to protect them.

And that has resulted in well intentioned but ultimately unhealthy patterns of behavior such as her occasionally being overprotective or overbearing. (As she gets older she does get way better about this but there were times as a teenager she naturally had no idea how to deal with Alaluria’s confusing outbursts of rage and Ladelia’s complete dependence on her. And it did result in her trying to protect them in ways that came out more controlling then anything because she’s not an adult she’s just a kid and she has no idea how to be a mother. That and she’s their sister not their mother and it creates really confusing dynamics when Diily tries to tell Alaluria what to do for example. They will never see her as a mother figure. So..there’s some clashing there if that makes sense.

Alaluria saw her overbearing/overprotectiveness as a need to control and it clashed completely with her independent nature. She lashed out. She left. (While simultaneously craving and needing that love and affection and it used to frustrate Diily so much because she didn’t understand. Alaluria unsurprisingly couldn’t articulate what she needed (what child can?) and Diily couldn’t give her what she needed. (She’d never be able to give her everything no matter how much she tries.)

God and you know I can see the rift deepening because Alaluria keeps lashing out and driving her away and simultaneously is hurt when Diily reacts accordingly because Diily doesn’t understand why she’s acting that way. She’s a child herself so her own stubbornness and temper make her snap back which only worsens the situation.

And it results in Alaluria acting out more because Diily is naturally going to well withdraw (and probably pay more attention to Ladelia as a result which wasn’t purposeful or spiteful but its natural she’s put her energy into the sister who doesn’t keep purposefully hurting her) but whatever she does it doesn’t get her the reaction she wants.

(Alaluria doesn’t know what she want. My beautiful ball of contradictions)

Alaluria flip flops badly when it comes to affection. She craves it but will reject it when it comes her way. It’s why she sometimes reacts positively to her sisters being affectionate and other times she lashes out or pulls away. It seems like a contradiction because it is.

And you know I can’t blame either of them. It was just such a clash of personalities and most of all…shitty circumstances. And it’s the fact that they were just kids. Maybe not when Alaluria left but emotionally they’re all kind/of fucked up so it really doesn’t matter.

And on a more personal level Diily doesn’t like herself. Frankly she hates herself. Her self worth is very much dependent on her role as a caretaker and protector. Sadly? The truth of it all is that you can’t be a perfect caretaker. You can’t protect everyone from everything. And it’s something she still struggles to learn. (See: her devastation at what happened to Teldrassil and desperation to make it right) there are other reasons for it too.

Shes..got this need to be seen as strong and put together. (Which is why I enjoy taking her apart so much I think). She wants people to be able to trust and rely on her and her eyes she needs to be strong for them.

Her pain, her needs get shoved down.

She doesn’t think about. She doesn’t want to. So she focuses on others.

And really? All her personal baggage? She doesn’t know how to deal with any of it. None of them have exactly learned healthy coping mechanisms lmao.

She was a scared, hurt little girl who was forced into becoming a mother by horrible circumstance and saw and did things no child should ever have to see and do.

And she’s been trying to pretend she has it together for a very, very long time.

But she has no idea what she’s doing. She was (and still is) just as lost and scared as her sisters but she saw that they needed her and stepped up in a way..she never should have had to.

Kids are supposed to be selfish and immature. It’s a give in. It’s a part of growing up and something they’re taught to grow out of. They’re not supposed to do the things she had to do to keep them alive or give up the things she did.

What else could she do after all? They needed her. There was no other choice,

So what’s the point of the character analysis? I wanted to talk about my girls and got extremely carried away. Losing them would devastate her completely. So much of her would just..shatter. And if the circumstances are right enough it could make her snap in a way that’s really..not a pretty sight at all

She doesn’t have it together. She doesn’t know what to do with these extreme emotions. She doesn’t know what to do without someone to take care of. She doesn’t know what to with without them.

The only beings I can see her not being indifferent to is Wildheart and Brightheart of course. She loves them as loyally and unconditionally as she does her sisters. They’re family

She’s willing to do anything to get her revenge because that’s all that matters to her. The world is as dead to her as they are. Or rather..she’ll make it so it is.

-cough-

Alaluria being the most morally dubious of the three is a bit easier to figure out. It could’ve a similar situation to the above or one where the fel madness takes over. Or both.

If you want the cruelest version of her it would be the last option. Hm..Alaluria is already cynical and disillusioned with the world. Where Ladelia and Diily try to find the good she just sees the bad.

Ex; She’s distrustful while Ladelia is too trusting. Diily throws herself into helping others. Alaluria does the same but does it mainly by fighting rather than the loving, soft way Diily cares for others.

She is not bad in canon though. So let’s talk about my canon girl real quick the same way we did with Dil. 

And her repressed rage issues do come from the frankly massive amounts of trauma the three of them have been through. Rage that completely stems from pain. Diily internalizes her pain mostly. Alaluria takes it out on those she deems guilty. And she’s willing to do ruthless things to achieve a greater good. Her and Illidonk has that in common.

(She was honestly a happy child before everything. She’s always had a bit of a temper but so do Diily and Ladelia lmao. It’s just..a little harder to push them to their breaking points. Unless you know where to hit them.

And what really, really killed any idealism still clinging to her?

The Illidari. Illidan. That whole shebang.

She was still..there was a still a bit of that bright eyed brave little girl in her that wanted to save the world and make it a you know..not shitty place..and that was smashed to pieces when she really saw the reality of things.

Illidan has a part to play in that but no more than the entirety of the situation. Diily blames him for it. I don’t think it’s necessarily fair to blame him too much as she made her own choice to join them and stay.

And sometimes there are glimpses of that little girl, mostly with her sisters. When she’s laughing with them or finds joy in something innocent like a saber cub batting at her tail or finding a really cool gem. (I almost said rock because that makes it sound really funny. “Wow look at this rock I found” “that’s great alaluria”)

Anyway, my point. She’s a deeply troubled woman with barely repressed rage issues and it comes from deep trauma and an all consuming pain and complete and utter disillusionment with the world..yet is she really? She’s still fighting for it. There’s some part of her that holds onto hope that it can be better.

But she’s also managed to stay a..mostly decent person. She doesn’t hurt innocents normally. She has but she feels genuine guilt for it. She might growl and grumble but she does help others. It gives her a sense of purpose that has recently been shaken with the destruction of the Legion. She feels..good. Like she’s doing something good.

The whole point of joining the Illidari was to help everyone. To help fix what she saw as the biggest problem. 

She’s not the monster she thinks she is. She’s just a scared, hurting little girl in a woman’s body. 

And yes, she left Diily and Ladelia but that separation (even though she did it willingly) was very traumatic and devastating for her. She was suddenly on her own for the first time in her life and more or less thrown into a den of wolves. (it says a lot about her that she came out leading the whole pack so to speak. :’) my girls are so strong I love them..why am i so mean to them)

And I think knowing Diily and Ladelia were out there even when not being with them is something entirely different from them being dead.

There was always the chance they would reconcile and I think maybe on a more unconscious level..she always thought/knew they would reconcile. It was something inevitable in her mind. She couldn’t imagine anything else.

I can see her always having this belief that after everything was done. After the Legion was defeated she would be able to see them again. And she’d say it was just to shove it in their faces that she was right but..

The world she so viciously determined to protect? She’s always been very aware they’re a part of it too. Even while she “hated” them she was trying to protect them.

So, I think losing them. Especially after reuniting with them (but even during the separation) would be especially devastating. Another thing ripped from her. More proof there’s nothing good at all in the world.

And you know she idealizes them to some degree. She sees Diily and Ladelia as inherently good and herself as bad. (Regardless of how they try to convince her otherwise)

And so she’s just full of rage because it should have been her? There’s no fairness, no sense of justice in this universe if they die and not her because they were good and kind and she’s a monster.

And they were her sisters. And she doesn’t know what to do, how to function in a world where there’s no hope of ever seeing them again.

And now she doesn’t have any fucks to give.

And an Alaluria with no moral compass is a terrifying Alaluria.

Also it would be extremely easy for the demon creeping around in her head/soul to take advantage of that completely and twist her into the perfect weapon. The weapon part.. It’s kind of what Illidan did but he did it for the purpose of destroying the legion which as an idea is a good thing but we all know his methods and morals are questionable at best (*blows a kiss towards Illidan Stormrage* love ya, you bastard)

A villain!Alaluria would be absolutely ruthless. Full of completely unleashed rage and pain. The world wants to hurt her? She’ll hurt it right back. She’ll make the whole damn thing burn.

The worst part is in this au though?

She becomes what she hates most.

As for Ladelia.

She’s the most innocent of the three. The most idealistic. Diily is kind but she’s also usually rather realistic. Ladelia is a dreamer.

A lot of this comes from Diily trying very hard to shelter her and Alaluria from the brutal reality of the world (this isn’t something she could ever do of course but she did try)

But she succeeded more with Ladelia. Alaluria lashed out where Ladelia clung to Diily. Ladelia was younger than either of them when they lost their parents. She doesn’t have the vivid memories that keep Diily and Alaluria up at night. She remembers bits and pieces but not as much.

And being the baby sister and the sister that was not only tolerant of Diily’s overbearing nature but needed it she was coddled more? Alaluria wouldn’t let herself be coddled. Ladelia needed it. She needed love and Diily is just so full of love.

(Diily never intended to create a rift between her two little sisters but she did and it still shows even now sometimes. Especially because Ladelia has been by Diily’s side when Alaluria wasn’t. That’s not a judgement on her though (it sounded too aggressive) it’s just that Alaluria feels..well, she feels left out when they talk about their adventures or they share an inside joke that she doesn’t understand. It’s a natural feeling and it makes my heart hurt for her. (They don’t mean to hurt her)

I wouldn’t call Ladelia spoiled necessarily but she is babied by Diily (and despite their differences and one sided rivalry Alaluria does baby her too..in her own way) It’s easy to see that whenever she’s in trouble she turns tail and runs to Diily. (And Maybe Alaluria resents that it’s never her that her baby sister runs too. God they’re all so complicated)

She’s become far more independent over the years but she still tends to lean very heavily on Diily which is only natural. And Diily wouldn’t dream of turning her baby sister away but she learned from Alaluria it’s important to encourage their independence instead of try to control it.

But codependency issues aside. Ladelia is a genuinely good and kind person. She has a lot of Diily’s compassion and tends to be more of a dreamer than either of them. It’s why she fell so hard for Jaina (and she hurt so much for her when Jaina lost that)

But she does have a temper. Her chosen element of choice is fire after all. (This says so much about her but I’ll tape down that essay for now. It’s especially notable when you compare her to her sisters who are not fond of fire at all and Teldrassil cemented that for them lmao) She’s..the most immature of the three. More impulsive and she wears her feelings on her sleeve unlike Diily and Alaluria. Ugh I don’t want to make her sound “weak” because she’s anything but. She’s endured horrible shit and still come out good and..soft. that’s..that’s not nothing :’)

But Diily is..generally reserved with strangers. Not aggressive or rude but she isn’t going to let them see her at anything but her best.

Ladelia an adult don’t get me wrong but she is more..immature than them? I’m not sure that’s the right word. Don’t get me wrong she has had the idealism dampened over the years by the things she’s been forced to see and do. War has a way of doing that.

But she clings to this belief that people must be mostly inherently good..because she needs to believe that. 

There’s a deep sadness in her just like the other two but it manifests a bit differently.

A lot of her sadness is aimed at the world as a general thing rather than any specific entity? Diily and Alaluria hate, hate, hate the Legion and focus their rage on them. Now it’s shifted to Sylvanas and Azshara (although Azshara’s part in the Legion nonsense is something they very much are aware of and hate her for)

Ladelia does too but she doesn��t have the memories they do. Her memory is foggy (probably her mind protecting itself really) 

She doesn’t understand why people do such horrible things. She doesn’t know why bad things happen to good people. And she hates that she can’t save everyone. (You’ll see that with both her and Diily)

But a villain Ladelia??

That would be someone who kills in the name of what they believe is good but I could see her sense of good being twisted if she lost Diily and Alaluria. Especially if in her grief someone like Azshara latched onto her.

She’d be very easily to manipulate in that sense.

And she is a very powerful mage. It’s something she is very proud of. Like Jaina she’s so hungry for knowledge. I think part of her thinks maybe if she understands the universe..she can “fix” it? She just has to understand first.

And that creates someone who absolutely excels in a field like magic. She’s very determined, she’s as stubborn as Diily and Alaluria are (it’s a family trait clearly) And she pushes and pulls and picks apart the mysteries of the universe and deep down a part of her just wants to understand so she can help.

And it’s just a desire to understand. She feels better when she understands things. Things aren’t as scary when you understand them after all.

She was an unbearably curious child and still has that curiosity. It’s something Diily has managed to keep alive in her.

She’s ambitious in the sense she’s always reaching for new heights in terms of skill. She takes great pride in her skill at magic. I could see that being a bad thing in certain circumstances. “Knowledge is power..but using it wisely is the key.” “control your power..or it will control you.” etc. So a villain Ladelia might have magic as a corrupting influence rather than a positive one like in..”canon”

So a villain Ladelia to me is one who has become disillusioned with the concept of good. Or maybe one who just has a twisted idea or what is good. She’s passionate and so adamant what she’s doing is right and that? Those kinds of people are some of the most dangerous. Think..Jaina snapping and trying to  murder the entirety of Ogrimmar.

It’s the right thing to do? ..right? It has to be because she doesn’t know what to do if it’s not. And maybe she’s just full of rage and wants to take it out on those who are “bad” in her eyes.

But whether or not those people are truly bad..well, that’s almost always subjective isn’t it?

And maybe part of villain Ladelia knows that.

She just pretends she doesn’t.

She’s good at pretending.

——

NOW for the grand finale which is all three of them as villains together.

I’m wondering what could push them towards something so drastic. Typically it’s the death of the others that is the major catalyst in those au’s so.. (h

I think it would have to be an AU where they’re taken in by some sort of villain and manipulated.

Someone who pretends to love them and these three terrified, affection starved children eat up whatever parental attention they can get unaware they’re being manipulated.

It would have to be someone who can prey on all their individual weaknesses and bring out their best traits and then completely turn them on their head. Twist it for a bad purpose.

Diily’s capacity for unconditional love . Alaluria’s desire for revenge. Ladelia’s idealism and ambition.

I wonder if Azshara could be that person but it would have had to be when they were younger so it would have to be a pretty drastic au. They place a heavy amount of blame on her for the Legion shit. But if they were young she could probably twist it in her favor.

Maybe an old god of some sorts? (Oh dear that’s a scary thought)

I can see the Legion doing the same but through cruelty rather than faux kindness: I think it would be near impossible to make Diily and Alaluria loyal to the Legion after what they did to their home and family.

Ladelia is more..vulnerable to manipulation than them though.

BUT their captor would honestly have to be very good at psychological manipulation.

Using them against one another would be..horrifically successful. It could really work on Diily for example. It’s a very visible and glaring weakness and if someone took advantage of that. You could get her to do anything if you put them up as bargaining chips.

Hilariously I think their…hmmm captor would end up dead with that kind of behavior though. She won’t tolerate them being hurt and vice versa.

Lmao they just completely usurp their captor and..sadly take their role as villain however because it’s what they’ve been taught and groomed for.

Alaluria in particular would be willing if they really played with her arrogance and ambition. The demon in her head tries (and mostly fails since she’s very strong willed) to do that. You can do it better..just get him out of the way..you taught me to be ruthless after all. 

(makes me wonder about an AU where she comes to hate and resent Illidan instead of admire and love him)

Ladelia is the most hungry for love. That’s something you could use against her if you’re an absolutely abhorrent person. She’d want to make their “parental” figure proud and please them so they love her.

Ah it just depends on the captor’s methods. Are they cruel? Are they “kind” to them? You could inspire loyalty and love from them or…hatred and ruthlessness but the latter wouldn’t end in their captor’s favor. However if they went the kindness route they would have three girls absolutely willing to do whatever they wanted.

You know if they wanted to take advantage of three traumatized children (who all have so much potential) and turn them into weapons instead of the people they are in canon (I feel weird calling it canon since obviously ocs aren’t necessarily canon to WoW lore but- nevermind. it doesn’t matter. My canon for them) because my canon girls are deeply flawed who make mistakes but are mostly good people who just want to help and take care of each other okay. 

They have a creator who’s very mean to them

I will say I don’t envy the au where the three of them are villains (or separately but especially together). 

[norahastuff]

SAM, DEAN, JOHN - NOW WHAT?

by the @the1unwanted1one

I need someone to talk about how Sam and Dean dealing with their Daddy issues is A VERY BIG DEAL, because the entire show WAS about how the brothers had to face their emotionally and physically abusive father and more than hunting I think them facing together against their father bonded them, maybe not at the start , but eventually, and after his death, they faced the consequences of being turned into hunters and they face their toxic codependency because of John and the entire show was somewhere always about , they are hunters and their life sucks -cause of dad, and even if they grew up hunters John was an abusive father and they had to face the consequences, so now SAM AND DEAN HAVE ACCEPTED THEIR LIFE AS IT IS AND HAVE FORGIVEN SAM , took them 14 years of the show but they did it, ( i am not saying it is a bad thing, it is a good thing a very good thing , my babies have a little piece and I love that, but ….. I feel like ………now what?? where is the show going to go from now? why did they close two extremely significant plot lines ??? is the show going to end because they have resolved the biggest problem of the show, (that they have made peace with being hunters?) or is the show really going to go on with them okay with being hunters? and if the show is going to continue am I going to like it because I feel like this is a VERY big change, and it is going to change son drastically so now what? and what if they are closing the plot lines because they are preparing for the ending, and it scares me.

@the1unwanted1one submitted this to me to weigh in on,  and it raises some very interesting points. The Ghost of John Winchester, as many have dubbed it, has been looming over the brothers for almost the entirety of the show. John’s actions when they were children, in regards to hunting and his treatment of Sam and Dean, was all determined by his single minded need to avenge Mary’s death. To find the thing that killed her and make it pay. But in the process his anger and pain twisted him into the kind of person who inflicted more than a lifetime’s worth of trauma on both of his children.

And for what? He led by example showing his children that love meant not being able to function when the person you cared about was gone. That it meant devoting your entire life to avenging them, regardless of how many people got hurt and neglected in the process, even if it was your children. Anger and Single minded revenge - that’s love. But that’s not where it ended.

Yes he played a huge role in fostering some of the more unhealthy aspects of Sam and Dean’s relationship. He neglected his role as a father, and forced Dean to step in and take over, but when he did give Dean instructions on how to do this, things got much worse. Take care of Sammy, that was Dean’s mission his whole life. He was his father’s soldier and his blunt little instrument. The mission was drilled into his head and he knew how to follow instructions. John repeats those words just before he dies as well. He gives Dean two options, take care of Sammy and save him, or if you fail at that, kill him. It puts all of the responsibility for whatever happens to Sam, on Dean’s shoulders.

John’s final act before he died was also a demonstration of love. He sold his soul to a demon, damned himself to eternal torture to save his son’s life - because that’s love. One final lesson from his father that Dean internalises and takes as a blueprint for how to deal with the death of a loved one.

All that pain, all the suffering that John has been experiencing and inflicting on others, from the moment Mary died…and then suddenly he’s plucked from that world and brought to 2019. To a world where his sons are grown up, living a much different life than he could ever imagine for them, and the kicker? Mary’s alive. The person who’s death changed him so irrevocably, is no longer dead. 

What becomes very clear as the episode goes on, is that John’s influence is no longer important to the story anymore. John trains Dean his whole life to follow orders? Dean becomes the ultimate proponent of free will and defying orders. He spent his whole life on a quest to avenge Mary’s death? Mary’s not dead anymore. He believed the best way to survive as a hunter was to live on the road, never stay in one place too long and never form attachments? Sam and Dean live in the bunker, in a town where everyone knows their name, with their best friend and a son the three of them have adopted together. 

I think both Sam and Dean had mostly let go of John, pretty gradually over the course of the show, and what I think ep 300 did remarkably well, was show Dean coming to this very realisation. That this life and family that he’d built for himself was his and not something John had any part in creating. That his story was no longer defined by the sins of the father. You’re right that’s absolutely huge. Getting to this point has been a long, rocky journey, but that moment of realisation Dean has in 300 is most certainly cathartic. 

Ok sorry that was a ton of rambling just to get to the actual question you’ve posed, is the show going to drastically change? My 2c? I don’t think any emotional growth happens drastically on Spn. The “not letting John’s influence affect the way they choose to live their lives” has been a very long process, and neither of them got there in one dramatic moment, I mean Dean’s even been quoting Elsa from Frozen and I can’t even remember the last time he complained that his coffee cup wasn’t manly enough (I do remember, it was 10x06 :L) . They’ve been in the process of letting go for a while now, especially Dean, who always allowed John, both when he was alive and after he was dead, to dictate his behaviour and attitude. The big difference now is Dean realised he was no longer beholden to John and that he had already mostly let him go, and freed himself of the last part of him that was still clinging to his old role as Daddy’s blunt little instrument.

In regards to seeing results in the near future? This changes things for their overall character arcs, it changes their motivations somewhat (again mostly Dean) and what I’m really hoping for, is that it changes their relationship to each other. That since it’s no longer “take care of Sammy” but “take care of each other”, we’re finally going to get to a place where we see their relationship on a more equal footing. Where it’s not “Dean sacrifices everything for Sammy” but instead they work together so he doesn’t have to suffer for eternity. We’re in the middle of somewhat of a reiteration of season 10, and having this realisation that they have a family that’s not just them, that their father’s ghost no longer has any control over them, that his instructions to only rely on each other no longer apply, makes me hopeful that the way to deal with the Michael situation will follow a much less toxic “screw everyone in the world but us”/”we both have to die to keep the world safe” (God the toxic aspects of their relationship were really laid bare in that 10x23 scene) approach than they took to removing the Mark of Cain.

If we’re talking endgame character arcs? That is something only the writers know because it depends entirely on the kind of ending they want Spn and Sam, Dean and Cas to have.

[chaoticpanenergy]

god. god. okay. so. im in a dnd campaign. yes? yes. im going to rant about my character's plotline. the campaign's theme (vaguely) is political intrigue. also fair warning there are going to be a number of sex mentions because the players are all horny college students (except technically i just graduated). also lots of morally questionable and straight up morally bad choices from various characters, all done in the name of entertainment.

relevant characters to what im abt to talk about:

kaede kipling (pc) (ze/hir, fae/they/she): my character, heir apparent (second heir in line) to House Kipling, an extremely rich and powerful family of professional assassins.

min (pc) (she/they/fae): played by one of the humans who i make out with (M, any pronouns); is a changeling (shapeshifter) noble seeking to form political alliances to benefit her family.

kenneth kipling (npc) (he/him): kaede’s uncle, heir to House Kipling (first in line), extremely cruel and also extremely hot and flamboyant; is. like. a vampire weeb (veeb) and has body modded fangs (is actually a half elf); seduces all his victims before killing them; decided kaede was his arch nemesis when kaede was about six (and he was like 22) and has personally made faer life a living hell since then.

santino (npc) (he/him i think? or he/any, most npcs use a variety): an aasimar (angel) healer who has a preexisting political alliance and close personal friendship with min

yersis (npc) (she/her or she/they i think): a powerful political leader in the country we live in (although not at the top of the government hierarchy). very hot. a lot of "yes mommy" jokes get made ooc anytime she does anything. vaguely allied with min, mostly because min wants to ally faerself with her and yersis doesn't object to this. tolerates but dislikes kenneth.

also!! the dm (R, they/them) is the other human i make out with, and is dating min’s player. they are both so cool :)

okay okay okay SO. M and i are the two players who are the most deeply invested in the Complicated Plot part of the campaign (the whole campaign was actually a birthday present for M from R, it was rlly cute). so M and i have a ton of lore that we've created together. and a ton of plot. in this post i am mostly talking about just the plot that directly impacts my character. there is a ton more i am not touching on in this post. here we go, buckle up:

so! the whole party met each other upon being summoned by a deity of chaos and anarchy to do some quest that he won't actually tell us the details of. we were sent to a party, which we are given to understand various important political things are happening at, and we each have different goals in attending. however, before gaining entrance to said party, we had to pass a series of tests. while working on these tests, min came up with the bright idea of barganing with the deity who summoned us all (we refer to him as Sexy Deity, since we do not yet know his name and R makes all the npcs so hot. it's amazing. we're all super gay.)

so min bargained with the deity. she came up with a proposal to sell him the souls of the rest of our party in exchange for herself becoming a warlock (and the more souls from the party she gets for him, the more additional perks she gets). she can keep her soul under this bargain also. it's very much a ton of perks for faer at the expense of the rest of the party. we refer to this bargain, and her attempts to deliver on it, as Min's Villain Arc. the party is not thrilled when she suggests we should all sell our souls, so she drops it for a while and we keep doing our fancy magical tests.

now. kaede's backstory is that they went to assassin school in their late teens, and had an extremely codependent relationship with their roommate, sorra, a changeling who used he/she/they pronouns. they had 0 boundaries with each other, never defined what their relationship was, and also had a lot of sex. it was very unhealthy. neither of them was aware of any of these many issues. after graduating, kaede panicked over the fact that she missed sorra (not being used to caring about other people this much), had an identity crisis, and ran away from home. kaede's parents hired sorra to go after kaede and bring them back, and kaede panicked again and killed sorra. this was about 2 weeks before the campaign started, and kaede has been dealing with significant amounts of trauma, grief, and guilt since then.

that context established, skipping back to the plot of the campaign! min goes through kaede's belongings (for reasons that actually were not super nefarious and did make sense at the time) and finds a locket with a portrait of sorra. curious about this, she shapeshifts into sorra and lures kaede off to a separate room. they proceed to sleep together, even though kaede knows this is some kind of ruse and not the real sorra. afterwards, kaede starts crying and traumadumps to min about having killed sorra and regretting it.

min has a bright idea. fae suggests to kaede that fae have the ability to take kaede's grief and pain away. kaede, who is not fully out of subspace at this point, and who has just experienced Having Some Serotonin And Endorphins for the first time in several months and associates min as being the cause of this, is distinctly more suggestible and open to this than ze would normally be. ze probably is not in a state where ze can truly consent to things. min is not fully aware of this fact, and also is on her villain arc, so continues with her proposal. (all of the really horrifying aspects of this situation were my idea btw, i enjoy traumatizing kaede. M helped me make it worse and more fun, but it was not her idea to do all the really horrible questionable parts of this lol.)

min explains that if kaede agrees to sell min their soul, for min to then immediately transfer to Sexy Deity, min would be willing to temporarily erase all of kaede's traumatic memories about killing sorra, with the goal of getting kaede into therapy and then slowly giving the memories back as kaede becomes better able to process and healthily deal with them. kaede, due to their extremely suggestible state and the fact that they are so tired of hurting so much all the time, agrees to this, and promptly signs away faer soul to min. min passes the soul on to Sexy Deity and gains her first level in warlock. kaede forgets all about killing sorra, for the time being, and switches their alignment from chaotic evil to neutral evil.

the problem with this bargain, that neither kaede nor min anticipated, is that kaede traumadumping about killing sorra to min directly before the "selling their soul" conversation made their memory of selling min their soul one of the memories that gets temporarily erased as part of this deal. due to this, kaede now 1) doesn't know they don't have a soul anymore 2) falsely believes that sorra is alive, and most importantly 3) believes that min is sorra in disguise.

min does not know this miscommunication has taken place. we continue on with our magical tests, pass them all, and gain entrance to the political event; it's a masquerade ball.

now!! we need the info about the npcs that i mentioned up at the top of this post. remember them? they're important now. they're all attending the ball.

midway through the ball, kenneth attempts to assassinate yersis (although he does not do this personally, instead sending some goons to do it for him, and is likely using the assassination attempt as cover to perform other nefarious deeds while everyone is distracted with yersis almost dying). yersis survives, thanks to magical healing from various sources (remember santino? he is here; he can restore anyone to full health regardless of injury level), but it does appear that people with various political agendas are attempting to do different things under the cover of the chaos.

because of the assassination attempt, the palace that we are all in is put on magical lockdown, with a magical barrier surrounding it to prevent any of us from leaving until Things Have Been Gotten To The Bottom Of. around this point, due to a conversation with yersis, min officially ends her Villain Arc, because yersis reveals that she does not trust Sexy Deity and does not believe he should be allowed to own more souls. and again, yersis is hot, so most of the pcs want to do what she says, including min.

kaede and kenneth run into each other. kenneth insults kaede and then orders them to do another assassination for him. kaede tries to blackmail their way out of this, threatening to tell their grandmother (his mother and the head of the family) about a time he killed someone off the family's Do Not Kill list. he counter-blackmails kaede with a piece of information kaede didn't know he knew about them. kaede grumblingly agrees to do the job for him. he gives them some poison to coat their knives in and tells them to kill santino; he then goes off to distract min (the only party member both powerful enough to stop kaede and politically savvy enough to notice what kaede is doing in time to stop it) by having an orgy with min and several other party members (kenneth is aware kaede believes min is sorra, although he is also aware that min is not actually sorra, so he makes sure kaede knows about the orgy, because of the thing where he enjoys viciously tormenting kaede). (side note: earlier during the masquerade ball, min figured out that kaede thinks fae is sorra, and has been silently panicking over what to do about that since then.)

kaede, fuming and devastated, goes off to kill santino. NOW. a relevant piece of information here is that kaede is kalashtar; ze has a little bit of essentially angel ancestry, and this ancestor has a spiritual connection to them (which kaede mostly attempts to ignore) and is supposed to guide them in the pursuit of good deeds. (kaede was adopted on purpose because of this, to give faer parents a power trip about overcoming the influence of this celestial being by raising kaede to very much Not Pursue Good Deeds.) (none of kaede's family are good people lol.)

so!! kaede gets santino (the angel) alone by claiming to have been stabbed and need to be healed, and implying that it was kenneth and that ze is very scared and innocent and needs help escaping from him. (all of which is a ruse.) kaede then proceeds to stab santino several times with the poisoned knives, saying "it's not personal" (which kaede believes is the "no homo" of killing people ajksdhksfh). in between getting stabbed, santino starts crying and apologizes for "not being able to save kaede," presumably meaning save kaede from kaede's own family, presumably relating to him being an aasimar and kaede being kalashtar. he also hints at kaede not having their soul (although not outright saying so) and says he hopes they get it back someday. he then sends a magical cry for help to some of the other pcs, but he also tells them "it's not kaede's fault" (which. lmao yes it is my guy, you are actively being murdered on purpose by kaede at this exact second). (he had a lot of hp, it took several stabs to kill him, so he had time to say/do all this lol.) then he dies and i steal his cool magic angel sword to keep. >:)

however! some of the other pcs show up, because of santino's call for help, in time to cast Revivify on him and bring him back to life. this is Not Good News for kaede, since she wasn't killing him for her own goals, but rather for kenneth, and so now ze is in trouble with kenneth. especially because the newly-alive santino got immediately rushed to a safe house to hide so that he will be safe from future assassination attempts, so now kenneth cannot just go kill him himself.

kenneth immediately denies all involvement in any of this, but, to protect the family reputation, begins negotiating with yersis on kaede's behalf. he manages to finagle out an agreement that kaede will be tried for murder under the laws of House Kipling, who are powerful enough to count as a city-state, and not under the laws of the city-state we are currently physically in. this is good news for me since yknow i have the funniest feeling the laws of House Kipling, The Famous Assassins, will not be particularly unfriendly to me doing murder, and will be deeply in my favor since i am a prized member of the family and my grandmother's favorite. in the meantime, though, yersis does arrest me. (which i am deeply offended by; how dare she act like she has any authority over me just because she is a government authority of the country i live in?? how dare she try and impose consequences on me for my actions????? this is just insulting.)

also! kenneth tells kaede that min is not sorra, and helps them realize that some of hir memories are missing. he does not tell them that sorra is dead, or that they killed sorra, or that they sold their soul to min, even though all of this is information he has. meanwhile, min confesses everything about the "kaede's soul" debacle to yersis, who is horrified for many reasons.

min is also now giving kaede a cold shoulder, because of the thing where she has a preexisting close friendship with santino, and is therefore very angry that kaede would try to kill him (even though kaede has disavowed all personal responsibility in this many times by saying that 1) it wasn't personal and 2) kenneth made them. so kaede is very annoyed that everyone is still for some reason blaming them for being a grown adult who attempted murder).

this is approximately where we are currently in the campaign. kaede has been observing min's behavior, and has satisfied themself that kenneth was telling the truth when he said min wasn't sorra, but kaede hasn't realized how significant what's going on actually is; kaede's current theory is that min somehow found out about kaede's relationship with sorra, and intentionally tricked kaede into thinking she is sorra in order to be able to utilize kaede's assassin services without paying them. kaede has no idea how many of their memories are missing, or that sorra is dead, or that their soul is gone.

now. the thing is. next session. i want to confront min over this. and confuse her very much because she will have no idea what i'm talking about when i'm all "why are you so mad over me killing someone for kenneth when you literally were going to do the exact same thing as he did" because yknow. she had no intention of doing the same thing. because i am Incorrect about what is happening. all of which will be very fun. HOWEVER. it would be super in character for kaede to bluff and say "kenneth told me Everything" while saying all this. BUT if i do that i am Almost Certain that min would take it at face value, go "oh cool, so i don't need to figure out how to break it to you that i took your soul and memories" and proceed to immediately give back all my memories of killing sorra. which would be Very Bad because kaede would 1) have a huge breakdown and 2) want min dead, and both try to kill her themself and also sic kenneth on them (which would be Very Very Very Bad because kenneth is 6 levels above us, and has a blackrazor sword, which kills you dead and eats your soul when he stabs you with it). so probably i should not say that even though it would be super in character.

so the goal rn for me personally is for kaede to Not Yet figure out that ze sold hir soul to min, or that sorra is dead, for at least another few sessions. ideally not finding any of it out before kaede's Going On Trial For Murder arc concludes. which will be Difficult because min has already almost given back all my memories Twice and will definitely do so if given the Slightest actual reason to. but as soon as she does, kaede will try and kill her, which is. not ideal since we are both player characters and need to remain on non-murdery terms in the long term lol. so. all of this is going to be So entertaining but also will take a lot of figuring out as we get closer and closer to everything about kaede and min's soul deal exploding in our faces (which we have known was coming for a long time and have been looking forward to, lol). i don't yet know how all of this is going to resolve but i do know i am going to have a Great time.

okay. rant concluded for the time being. i love this campaign so much. it's incredibly chaotic and every single time i have a bad (read: extremely entertaining) idea, R lets me add it in, and it's the best thing ever.

[sage-nebula]

Yes, another person who is super wary about Saeran's relationship with Saeyoung! Like many in the fandom I want them to reconcile and feel that fixing their relationship is important to both their mental health, but I side eyed all the "the twins only need each other" proclamations so hard. That's just isn't remotely true. Saeyoung is clearly running himself ragged and is in desperate need of care himself. Expecting him to be everything Saeran need is killing him and it won't help Saeran either

I’m just going to be honest: The whole “the twins only need each other” ideal that the fandom keeps throwing around is really unhealthy for both of them.

To be clear, I’m not saying that either of them needs romance, although I do think that having a well-written MC by his side is extremely helpful for Saeyoung, considering that without the special circumstances of his particular route, I don’t think he would have ever extricated himself from the agency. The fact that Mystic Messenger pushes the whole “romance is surely the best answer” narrative in so many cases (but especially with Saeran) is one that I really, heavily disagree with, and so by no means am I saying that either one of them needs a romance. That’s not at all the point I’m trying to make.

However, the fact is that no one can get by with having just one important person in their life. That is unhealthy. Even the most introverted people need to have strong bonds with several different people, and I say this as someone who is as introverted as it is possible to be. It’s unhealthy and frankly dangerous to have only one person that you trust in and rely on for emotional support. Abusers isolate their victims for a reason. If you feel as though you only have one person who loves you, one person who cares about you, one person that you can count on and trust, then you’ve given that one person all the power over you that they could ever possibly dream of. Maybe they’ll be good to you, and god, for your sake I hope they will be, but if they’re not, who’s going to stop them? You have no one else that you can turn to, no one else that you can trust. You’re alone, and believe me when I say that it makes it so very, very easy for them to mistreat and abuse you.

And the same is true here. Saying that the twins only need each other is begging for their relationship to become unhealthy. Even if neither of them turned abusive, you’re still shoving them into a codependent relationship where they’ll fall to pieces without each other, and that’s not good. I feel like codependence is often glorified in fandoms, because there’s something tragically beautiful about two people being unable to exist without each other, but in reality … that’s not beautiful. It’s tragic, yes, but it’s not beautiful. It’s sad. It’s sick. Codependence shouldn’t be glorified or treated as an ideal. It shouldn’t be something that you want for your favorite characters.

So in that, both Choi twins need other people in their lives. They need friends, family, and support. It’s a goddamn good thing that Vanderwood tells Saeyoung, “you can’t get rid of me that easily,” because Saeyoung needs him. They need the RFA, too. And, even if it’s platonic, a well-written MC can be helpful here as well. They don’t just need each other. While reconciliation is good, the end goal should not be for the two of them to have any dependence in their relationship, but for them to have a healthy, balanced relationship in which they’re spending time together because they want to, not because they have to.

All of that said, yeah, the potential for abuse is pretty high, considering Saeyoung just takes whatever Saeran dishes at him because he thinks he deserves it. And this, too, is something fandom seems to really glorify. I’ve seen so many comics and headcanons post-Saeran’s Route where Saeyoung, who has just been rescued from being tortured and nearly killed, falls over himself apologizing to Saeran (when he … shouldn’t know what Saeran has been through in this route), all so that Saeran can either be ~gracious~ in forgiving him, or so Saeran can tell him to shut up and stop the pity party. It’s … pretty gross, honestly, and not cute, endearing, or heartwarming at all. And I don’t know what part about it is worse: The fact that any struggle or pain that Saeyoung undergoes apparently doesn’t register with or matter to the fandom, or the fact that it’s honestly canon that no matter how much Saeyoung suffers, he will still prioritize Saeran to the point where, as we see in the Secret Endings, Saeran can literally try to murder him and he won’t even fight back. I think both are equally bad, for different reasons.

I, too, want the twins to reconcile. And hell, the Secret Endings gave us that reunion and reconciliation, difficult though it was. But yes, Saeyoung needs a lot of care himself. He has chronic severe depression, an anxiety disorder, and C-PTSD. He had the same abusive childhood that Saeran did, and has undergone a lot of trauma as an agent. He, too, needs help. It’s of course lovely that he wants to help Saeran, but there’s only so much help he can offer. Saeran needs a professional. For that matter, so does Saeyoung. And more than anything, someone needs to be there to make sure that Saeran can’t take all the abuse he internalized and dole it out on Saeyoung, as we know would be in character for him to do. I’m not saying this because I think Saeran is a bad person, but because I think he’s an extremely broken person, and because he wouldn’t even think of it in terms of “right” or “wrong,” but in terms of what he needs and therefore what he’s going to do to fulfill that need. (And if he feels that he needs his brother, then I could easily see him trying to cut Saeyoung off from everyone else by accusing Saeyoung of not really caring about him, of lying about caring about him, because if Saeyoung cared about him, he wouldn’t spend time with the MC, Vanderwood, or the RFA. And Saeyoung would cave, because he wants to prove that he’s devoted to helping Saeran. And thus things get worse and worse.) 

I want the twins to reconcile and be happy together. But realistically, it’s going to be hard, and I’m wary of all the ways it could go very, very wrong.

[shawnjacksonsbs]

"I can do this all day."     4-28-19

"I shouldn’t be alive, unless it was for a reason, I know what I have to do, and I know it is right.” - Tony Stark a.k.a. Iron Man Same, Tony. I feel the same, exactly the same. I accidentally fell into a "fire" some 5 1/2 years ago. I realized that life was better with the warmth of that proverbial fire in my life and I have been fanning that flame ever since. How you feel love and how you feel gratitude are vitally important to this stage of the game, but not nearly as much as how you express that same love and that same gratitude. They are essential to maintaining the above-mentioned flame that has kept my place in this life and well inside of all its glory and awesomeness, and it has also been one without the dope. Living right, or doing good always, is absolutely key as well, at least it has been for me. It's the difference between just being alive, and actually living. Once you figure out what your recipe is, just keep doing those things to feed it. And I imagine, as it was for me, and many others before me, the recipe will probably change with time, like working the 12 steps in order (which, by the way, isn't a one-n-done, win all, way out of the life, because as I've said before, everyone is different. Steps work for some, not for all). But getting to the end of each step, and/or realizing the principles behind each step as you go, means your "recovery" as it were is different as you go. It's ever-changing, as you learn, you change. Essentially, you are your recovery process, regardless of how you learn, what order you learn, or from where, as long as you continue to grow with each realization of an important principle or life lesson. Acceptance, hope, honesty, courage, and integrity are just a few examples, and these few are completely necessary to learn and take in, and practice from the very beginning. I still don't believe that all people need to live "in recovery" their whole life either though. I believe I am recovered from my drug addiction. Period. If I go back to using ever again, it won't be because of an addiction, or withdrawals or any other relateable "recovery" mumbo jumbo. It will absolutely be because I made a conscious decision to use again. Very much similar to when I first started using way back when. Only this time I know things because I remember how it feels to live in that chaos and nightmare, and how it feels now being out of it so that wouldn't just be because of an unknown moral bankruptcy. It would be a well planned, and plain stupid-ass decision only owned by me, not in part with those outside influences that led me there before. I mean to say that, the responsibility wouldn't be shared, nor will it ever again should I decide to go back out there. That is all irrelevant, as I don't plan on stumbling in that direction again, so . . . Being recovered from drug addiction doesn't mean I am above being taught and growing further, with being of service to others at the peak of that. The push for kindness and the mission to help civilize will forever remain a part of that as well. The journey is more important than the destination anyway, and it would be pretty boring if we couldn't keep learning along the way. Living as best I can morally does play a huge part as well. It helps me to try and help those around me see the benefits of being civil to each other while cultivating that genuine kindness for others right in front of them.   Living my best life is probably the best example I can give someone of the rewards of following that recipe for a better life. You get so much more in your heart than you'll ever know what to do with. It's kind of why I continue to write in here, although I know I have lost several readers over the last several years. What I write is more for quality purposes than for the quantity of readers on the other side of this internet connection. If it is only ever for me, and maybe a handful of people the love should be more subjective that way anyway right? I am not opposed to the quantity mind you, so long as the quality of my message doesn't start to lack the depth I try for now. Back to the point here; there are no guarantees that you'll end up at the perfect job, living in the perfect house or any other number of material things, but you will surely feel like they are once you turn that perspective around in the right direction. I wouldn't change the direction my life is going for anything. I do still live with plenty of regrets though. The top of that list is wishing I had done better by my kids when they were younger. Then maybe a couple of them wouldn't have been, or wouldn't be, so far lost and/or ended up in prison etc. I will live with that for the rest of my life. I suppose it's my penance. I will deal with it, but without it eating my lunch every minute of every day and in such a way that I can't be productive and responsible by, and for my other loved ones, that is to include myself. Happiness can still be found in that madness. I know because I live in it. Well, I'm in the parking lot at work and its about time to punch in. I can't be late today either, because I'm leaving early to go see my oldest granddaughter and my niece, hopefully, win their soccer game. Lol A huge part of why I moved back here, is for these exact reasons. So I'm out for now.~ ~I am back, although it's still not Sunday yet. I imagine I will post this on Sunday,  but I am going to finish writing it today while I have free time. Its Saturday morning by the way. I am still so grateful to be working. I have also done a slight bit better at accepting the chaos that is my new job, as it comes at me. There are some good people there, and they are trying, not all, but some. And, it may not be what my professional opinion thinks it needs to be, but it is what it is. Not right, or my right (lol) vs the wrong ways to do all of it. It is, for the most part, just a different way of doing things that I am just unused to. Some of it I'll argue 'til the cows come home, and some of it is just because of the area. It doesn't much matter for me at this point, because at least I'm fencing. Who knows what the future holds? I will deal with the extremes as they come and take it all with a grain a of salt where I can. Where I can't, I won't. "Compromise where you can. Where you can't, don't. Even if everyone is telling you that something wrong is something right. Even if the whole world is telling you to move, it is your duty to plant yourself like a tree, look them in the eye, and say 'No, you move'." - Sharon Carter from Captain America Civil War I can only do all of these things, because of where I have made it to in my life. I think I wanted to write more on the how's and why's of when I first got my life together and maintaining it until now, but I think this entry turned a corner somewhere. That's ok too though. It's how this whole process works for me. I will add real quick that changing addictions, which maybe you shouldn't do, has helped me a little. The superhero movie genre is an integral part of my whole existence and it's an emotionally codependent connection that may be borderline unhealthy. lol But I definitely changed how and where I spend addiction money. There is a group of us who are going to see The Avengers Endgame movie tonight (Sunday) at 7 pm. It has a run time of 3 hours. It is the last chapter, last installment for this phase, or like the culmination finale that ends over a decade of the 22 Marvel Cinematic Universe movies. To say that I am emotionally invested in the outcome of this movie is an understatement. It is one of the more important non-drug related things in my life nowadays, just under family #1, and career #2, I suppose. The superhero thing is also the one thing that I used to have/or still do have in common with all of my kids. It all holds a very special place in my heart, and for good reason. Look, we can disagree about the kind of person Donald Trump is (he is an assclown by the way), and we can disagree about religion (which is fake and god, as a being, isn't real), and we can still talk, debate, and truly act as adults the whole time, but. . . if you mock these movies, or anything about them, because of their place in my heart and with their connection to my kids, then we can fight. And not just argue. I may literally fight you. One good, wholesome, fat punch right in your mouth should satisfy the feeling for me. lol Now you may be able to whoop me, maybe, but that's a risk I'm willing to take if you talk shit on these movies. And of course, I am only teasing, but these movies are an important part of my life. Some people have hunting, fishing, crafts, cars, or some other hobby, etc. Well, this is mine. I cant hardly contain the feelings, and the anxiety I am having as I await this movie. We are going to see it at the B & B Theater in Liberty, on the GrandScreen X, which is like Imax, but better, and bigger too I think. Its like 3 stories tall, 7 stories wide and the edges fold around the corners of each wall. It's going to be so freaking awesome. I can't hardly stand it. I know that we are supposed to lose some of our heroes in this film, like they are going to die (permanently), and being as emotionally invested as I am in these movies, and their roles are going to be super hard on me. I think co-dependency is probably the best way to describe my relationships with these characters. But hey, at least I'm not on drugs, so there's that! lolol That is all for this week guys. Keep my emotional stability in your positive thoughts as I go see this finale of a movie. Keep sharing the love and the laughter with the world around you, and please, please be kind to one another. It may be the most important thing you ever have to do. Kindness should always prevail, but when in doubt, civility will work. We can learn the very best of life's lessons if we practice what these heroes preach all the time. I believe that with my whole heart. I could quote Steve Rogers right next to Fred Rogers in my entries forever and it would never get old! Reading this final quote always gives me goosebumps. Yes. It's that important. Until next week; "Then finish it, 'cause I'm with you 'till the end of the line " - Steve Rogers a.k.a. Captain America