#because that's how we roll
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Snippet Tuesday
(because i missed sunday. and monday. shhh)
Thanks for the tag, @greenvlvetcouch!
Special tag for @narcissa-black-supermacy because you're getting both those things you wanted in this because I am a weakling.
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"There's got to be an easier way," he grumbles under his breath to Buckbeak, fingers running over his head and creeping down his snout, something Remus has to admit feels nice.
"He really does like you," comes a familiar voice above him, Remus snapping his gaze up to find Sirius leaning his head into the open window, arms crossed over the faux marble ledge. "I'll admit, that's surprising. He doesn't usually warm to people this quickly."
Heart hammering in his chest, Remus looks down at the dog again, its eyes now closed, body relaxed, weight resting heavily against Remus' leg. He tries to calm his breathing as he glances back up at Sirius, finding a satisfied smile plastered to the other man's face.
Hello, you.
"All right?"
Clearing his throat, Remus nods, trying to control his drifting thoughts, taming them back into place. Sirius looks tired above him, eyelids drooping a bit, smile not as bright as it had been that morning or even a few days before outside the pub. As Remus watches from the corner of his eye, Sirius lifts a hand, pushing it under the collar of his scrub top, massaging over the muscle beneath, a few winces flashing across his features with the press of his fingers.
I could do that for you if you'd just come around â no, stop. You're being weird and he's looking at you like you're more than odd and possibly thinking about eyeballs, whatever that meant.
"Good, yeah," answers Remus, mentally shaking his head clear, motioning to the computer in front of him. "Just trying to figure it all out."
Sirius hums low in his throat, eyes skimming over Remus where he sits. "It's a lot at first, I know," he sympathizes, and Remus senses true understanding in his voice. "James has a way of making it out to seem basic, and it is once you learn, but it takes a while. I've got a specific way of doing things here that everyone knows but you don't. You'll catch on, though, I'm sure of that. Don't stress over it. You'll figure out the insurances and payments. The system comes at its own pace. The thing I worry the most about is that the animals are taken care of. Beyond that, it's all just extra."
You're a bit more than I expected. Not just a pretty face or a high financial yielding career. You're savvy, inherently clever to your core, along with caring and insightful. If it were ever possible, our children would not only be beautiful, but intelligent as well â ah, fuck. I'm doing it again.
Sirius is staring at him oddly, and Remus shifts in his chair, offering a sheepish smile to diffuse whatever thoughts might be bubbling inside his mind.
"You sure you're all right?" he asks, straightening in the window a little. "You keep drifting."
Shit.
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Open tag because it's late and I'm lazy and tired!
#snippet sunday#but on a tuesday#because that's how we roll#wolfstar#yes remus is insane what about it?#we love him#want to pinch his cheeks#snippet#i'm not giving the title because it won't be sticking and also brownie points if you figure out what this is based on#my writing#holli writes#i was bullied into this#also tricked
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You ever think about how Kate is genuinely Anthonyâs best friend?
Whenever anythingâs going down, he gives her the âwe will debrief about this later�� look
He has little inside jokes with her
He discusses his game night strategy with her
Heâs always up to date on the latest gossip about her family
He shit talks about other people with her
Like thatâs literally his bestest friend!!!
#bridgerton season 3#anthony bridgerton#kate sharma#kate sharma x anthony bridgerton#kanthony#bridgerton analysis#bridgerton memes#bridgerton#Iâm actually sobbing about this#because this man was going to have a marriage without love where heâs distant from his wife#and then he fell in love with Kate#and got a marriage where he found not just love with but an actual genuine friendship#sheâs his wife his literal bestie his family his entire world#all rolled into one#and how long has it been since heâs just had a friend esp since Simon#OH WELL#we bawl
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Watching Spirit: Stallion of the Cimarron again as an adult is so great because not only do you appreciate the nostalgia and joy of it, the stunning 2D animation mixed with early 3D techonology and well written tight story with a main character that never speaks.
But also you appreciate that the plot relies on horses, despite not being typical talking horses in cartoons, being extremely intelligent to the point that they are aware of their captivity and exploitation. And it involves a hyper intelligent horse dismantling (or, at the very least significantly delaying) American colonialism's expansion into the west.
This horse also very likely killed many colonialists when they were either launched at high speeds from his back, kicked in the head or blown up in a train explosion.
Good for him.
#I also love how the humans continue to severely underestimate just how much damage this horse can do#imagine the Colonel rocking up to the train camp with the whole place on fire#so many men killed#all the horses gone with some probably getting stuck along the way because they're dragging literal chains#and he sees that goddamn buckskin mustang that wrecked his whole shit#and that he last saw jumping into a raging river#what a day he'd be having#that horse? played dead so he could kick off the chains on the horses and then sent a whole train rolling down a hill into another train#set the whole forest on fire - killed so many bystanders and probably woodland animals#this horse is a liability he just keeps wrecking our whole shit every time we capture him#seriously don't go near that horse I think he might be a god or something
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Alright, so I've been a fan of Shane, Ryan and even Steven since their buzzfeed days and I've been watching this whole thing with Watcher moving their content over to their own streaming service debacle.
Like most ppl, I think it's a poor business move to alienate your fans like this, but I've been thinking on it more from maybe a financial perspective. I'm wondering how many people actually signed up for it. I saw a tiktok advertising expert say that the conversion rate for ads--meaning the number of ppl to actually buy something when they see an ad is about 1-5%. Like, right now they have about 2.8 million subscribers. And even though they've lost about 50K since and counting, they probably anticipated some loss. I'm sure they've mathed that if they just get at least like 100K conservatively out of their nearly 3 million fanbase to sign up, they'd be able to make $600K a month from their streaming service at six bucks a pop each month.
Maybe that's worth it? I'm not exactly sure how much they were making before. Ppl say they had 11K subscribers on patreon before but that's just their member total. Actual paid members was about 5K. But despite the controversy, their patreon member count has actually gone up. Today it sits at 12K members total with nearly 6K members paying. So they're making at least $30K-70K+ a month currently on patreon based on their offered tiers. not sure how much they were making on ad revenue alone or sponsors cuz I'm not sure how that stuff works on youtube. But maybe by their own accounting they think the loss of followers was worth it if they can hang on to that small, loyal but paying minority.
Another youtuber has pointed out that if you have a sponsor for a video and it's a one off, it can pay more. Up to $35K. So if that is the peak and they release 1 video a week, so 4 a month would be like 140K a month on sponsor money. And youtube pays about $10 per 1000 views a video, and they average 1 mil each video. So about $40K a month on views. So we can guess that they made about $180K a month currently on youtube (patreon and merch sales not included).
Honestly, if they can reach the goal of 1-5% of their subscribers converting to their streaming platform, yeah they probably would make more money in the long run. IF they can somehow manage to retain as well as grow those number of subscribers on their new platform. And don't forget, they don't plan to delete their current videos on their youtube channel so they'll still be earning revenue from those videos. We'll have to see I guess given how much goodwill they've lost with their audience.
Tbh, I am all for them trying to get paid more for their work but I also think they could have transitioned much differently, like only putting some exclusive content on their own platform while also posting free shows to youtube. Or maybe delaying releases for a week or a month for youtubers. or cutting back your production costs if it's really killing you cuz everyone has pointed out they liked the ghoul boys when it was just a black screen with text scrolling by saying "wheeze." Only time will tell if this move paid off for them.
But I'm not super knowledgeable on how the entire youtube thing works so if someone has some insight, feel free to weigh in.
#watcher#shane madej#ryan bergara#steven lim#its not a bad business move tbh if they get guaranteed 6 bucks each month each subscriber#and they don't have to care about the views/what is popular because they are no longer paid by how well a video does#also i am really tired of ppl placing the blame on one person#like i get that we all have faves and maybe some are problematic#but that doesn't make your faves innocent cinnamon rolls okay#they all made that decision together#text post#personal
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#all creatures great and small#acgas 2020#acgas spoilers#samuel west#anna madeley#siegfried x audrey#mine#'attempt' -> the casual everyday savagery of this woman i cant#and her look of 'okay what alternate reality have we slipped into??'#the way she has to kinda hold onto that chair for a moment to recover lol#brilliant piece of acting right there#but she's rolling with it bless#i on the other hand screeched to a halt because THIS IS EVERYTHING#THIS MOMENT#how it completely wipes away the tattered remains of that dividing line btw employer and employee#he eagerly shares in the work he pays her to do#granted this hasn't been a professional relationship for quite some time#but THIS HERE#this is what a genuine partnership looks like#oh and that close-up of their H A N D S !!!4!#and to address the shallow end of this pool:#THE SHEER FKING DELICIOUSNESS OF HIM REMOVING HIS JACKET AND YANKING ON THAT GARTER#THANK AND BLESS
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Happened upon this cool, apparently abandoned structure while out on deliveries and simply had to come back later with my infrared camera to take a few shots!
Taken with: Pixel 6 (first image); full-spectrum-modified Sony Alpha a5000 with a red 25A filter (second and third images) and an orange 21 filter (fourth image)
#the second and fourth images are composites because i only had my 50mm lens#so i was standing on this random residential street taking photo after photo while rotating my body incrementally#my computer nearly crashed making the photomerges#the largest of these files was 73 megs before i resized it!!#anyway#my photography#infrared photography#photography#oh i also brought my pentax k1000 and some expired kroger-branded film#so we will see how those images turned out once i finish the roll
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loveybug is too busy thinking about kissing to fight supervillains... anytime an akuma shows up she hits it with a comically large hammer harley quinn style until it's flat and she can go back to unsubtly flirting with chat noir
#*panting and covered in blood* whoa that was intense! how about some andre's#she says 'lovey charm' and a 4ft long pastel pink bazooka falls into her arms#i just think it'd be so funny if loveybug had the giant weapon like sentibug or one of the other anti-ladybug villains#5ft tall girl in a tutu and ballerina flats wearing a grenade belt KILLS mr pigeon for the third time this week!!!#hawkmoth is infuriated of course#WHO is this strawberry shortcake ever after high 12 dancing princesses looking little girl and WHERE is ladybug#and WHERE did she get that tear gas#akumas have never been so efficiently defeated because she has her priorities right#chat watching slackjawed: lovey you just turned mr cesaire into a grease spot#loveybug: teehee it's fine! >w< my miraculous will fix it anyway! now what were we saying about the rose gardens on saturday?#paris is in shambles#loveybug is not the hero they wanted but maybe she's the one they deserve.#i want to see loveybug with this giant hammer someone please draw it please make it happen#hawkmoth has enough and pulls another heroes' day stunt or something and loveybug rolls up in a tank#ml#loveybug au#loveybug#miraculous ladybug#miraculous au#miraculous#talk tag
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Fluent Freshman - Part 22
PREVIOUS
Yâknow how sometimes you have something that you need to do or something that you know is going to happen but you just keepâŚputting it off? Like you know at some point it is going to happen but you put it off over and over and over and over again? Youâre getting increasingly anxious every time you put it off because you know it has to get done but you also know that the longer you wait the worse it is going to get. Finally, FINALLY, the anxiety is just a little too much and you end up having to deal with it.
You finally deal with it and the whole ordeal takes maybe five minutes tops and it was in no way shape or form worth the level of anxiety that you put yourself through. Like you worried about this for a good and long while and it wasnât even that bad?
That is currently how FF feels about being stabbed by Andrew Minyard.
This is what he was so worried about that he had lost sleep, had nightmares, had lost weight, and had exacerbated his stress ulcers over.
Getting stabbed wasnât anywhere near as bad as he had thought it was going to be. Maybe it was the fact that it was just a single stab wound instead of the Psycho levels that he had been imagining (Wow, showers were going to be so much less stressful now that he didnât have to confirm Andrew Minyardâs location before triple checking the lock). Maybe it was the fact that he is PUMPED full of adrenaline from his fights against Jackson and Romero but the stab wound didnât even really hurt at the moment.
This isnât even the worse thing that had happened to him this year!
That honor still goes to the joint winners of when his Step Family and mother found out that he had a full-ride to Palmetto and when he had tripped up the same step on the stairs at school three times in a row as people watched and laughed.
(Maybe also the solitary congratulations from his Grandma in regards to his graduation but FF doesnât let himself think about that, wonât think about it.)
He wouldnât necessarily call being in a state of âstabbedâ a pleasant time but Andrew was being so NICE about it.
âStop trying to sit up you fucking idiot!â Andrew shouts at him.
WellâŚ.Andrewâs version of nice.
(This is the same version of nice that he had misunderstood for months at this point. Maybe FF is just enough in shock from the stab wound in his stomach that heâs starting to grasp the basics in the difficult language of Andrew Minyardâs niceness.)
Andrew had gotten off the phone with 911 and then started pulling off his own jacket before draping it over FFâs upper body, wedging his phone between his shoulder and his ear, and then Andrew started to apply pressure to his stomach wound.
Ow.
That is not a great feeling. This stabbing may eke out past the great triple trip of March 2010.
âNo, take back your jacket. Youâll get cold if you donât have it on.â FF argues because his own jacket is barely doing the job. Maybe itâs the cold pavement of the alley, maybe itâs the blood loss, or maybe itâs the cooling sweat heâd worked up but he is shivering pretty badly.
A thought occurs to him as he feels the weird wet stickiness of his own blood sticking to Nickyâs shirt. âCan you help me get my jacket off?â He asks looking pleadingly at Andrew, âItâs my dadâs. I donât wanna mess it up with my blood.â He clarifies when Andrew looks at him like heâs a lunatic.
Except his second call must connect right then because Andrewâs answer is non-sensical to what FF had asked, âNeil, let Roland know the police and ambulances are en route.â Thereâs a brief pause and the pressure against his stomach increases as a muscle in Andrewâs jaw jumps. âSmith got stabbed.â He says and he looks angry, angrier than FF had ever seen Andrew when heâs talking to Captain Neil. There is another pause, more than likely Neil saying something or asking a question, âNo, it wasnât them.â Andrew grits out and the pressure on FFâs stomach hurts, âJust get out here, I need help with smith and making sure these two assholes donât go anywhere before the police come and grab them.â He says before he pulls one hand away from Smithâs stomach (wow he really is bleeding isnât he?) to hang up the phone.
Andrewâs gaze turns back to him fully, âYouâre not moving an inch Smith, your jacket can be cleaned.â He hisses. âNow stay still and donât fall asleep.â He orders.
Andrew seems stressed so FF complies. He canât help but notice how Andrewâs hands seem to be shaking as the press down on his stomach. He kind of wishes he had a pillow or something for his head because heâs starting to feel a little dizzy. Andrewâs jacket would be safer from his blood if it was a pillow instead of a blanket. Still, FF would sooner die than spit on any of Andrewâs current efforts to make him more comfortable.
He looks at the knife sticking out of his stomach. Well, he might die regardless of whether or not he spits on Andrewâs efforts.
He needs to take his mind off this.
âShould we take it out and pretend the Dundee knife stabbed me instead??â FF asks letting his mind go to the first thought in his head so that he could be distracted from his own mortality. âI think itâs still under the dumpster over there.â He moves to point one of his hands towards where the knife had remained throughout this entire ordeal.
Andrewâs knee pinned his arm before he could move it, âStop moving Smith.â Andrew reminded him before moving his knee. âWe have to leave the knife in. Youâll bleed to death otherwise.â Andrew reminds.
âI guess thatâs true, so do we just say that Romero got a handle on your knife and stabbed me?â He asks fighting his own shivers since heâs a little worried that any shaking on his part would just make the stab wound worse.
âI stabbed you Smith.â Andrew says looking at him with a furrowed brow.
âYeah, I know,â FF agrees, âbut weâre not going to say THAT to the cops.â He says and shock really is one HELL of a drug because he thinks he might have actually given Andrew Minyard an incredulous look with his atrophied face muscles. Itâs either Shock or the knowledge that even if he irritates Andrew, whatâs Andrew going to do about it?
STAB HIM?
âYouâre going to lie to the cops?â Andrew asks, âI STABBED you Smith.â Andrew repeats.
âYeah, I know!â FF repeats back, âYou stabbed me on ACCIDENT.â FF makes sure to use the same intonation that Andrew had used to emphasize the word Stabbed. âJackson wanted to stab me on PURPOSE. You saw that knife Andrew.â He tries to gesture towards the knife again but again Andrewâs knee pinned his hand.
He could use his other one but the reminder to stay still is enough.
âI still stabbed you.â Andrew says removing his knee again when itâs clear that FF wasnât going to try and gesture again.
âWell, if I was going to get stabbed by anyone, I guess Iâm glad my first time was with you.â Andrew letâs out a bark of a laugh that sounds more like it was punched out of him than anything, âHonestly, I donât think Jackson would have given me his jacket afterwards or try and help me keep my blood in my body.â He says and it feels like a victory (not a both hands in the air victory cry level victory but it was close) when Andrewâs face settled into one of faint amusement.
âProbably not.â Andrew agreed, âHe doesnât seem big on Aftercare.â He says.
FF doesnât know what that means but nods like he does, âSo, Romero got a hold of your knife during our tussle and heâs the one who stabbed me. Okay? Thatâs the story Iâm going to stick with no matter who asks me.â He looks Andrew in the eye.
âAlright Smith,â one of Andrewâs hands leaves his stomach and clasps around his shoulder and FF canât help but notice how neither of Andrewâs hands are shaking anymore. âWe can lie to the police.â He squeezes FFâs shoulder.
âNice.â He says and lets his head fall back onto the concrete. He hears a siren in the distance and hopes itâs coming for him.
They sit in silence for maybe 30 seconds before the door slams open and only Andrewâs hands on his stomach and shoulder keep him from shooting straight up in a panic. Captain Neil seemed to take in the scene at lightning speed but it was Andrew who spoke first, âYou left Aaron and Nicky with Roland?â He asks.
âYeah I did,â Captain Neil confirms and FF can see the moment that his eyes land on the knife handle jutting out of FFâs stomach, âAndrew, what are we going to tell the police?â Captain Neil asks and FF could already see Neil crafting a lie to cover Andrew. Thatâs one of the things that FF likes about Captain Neil and Andrewâs relationship. He thinks itâs nice that both of them have someone who no matter the circumstances would be there with a shovel to help bury a body. He even thought it was nice when he thought itâd be his body!
âThe second guy stabbed me.â The lie comes out smoothly which is good because he is planning on committing to it and Captain Neil blinks and looks at him, âHe got hold of Andrewâs knife during the tussle.â He adds.
Captain Neil looks to Andrew, âYou said it wasnât-â
âI guess Smith can lie to a liar.â Andrew interrupts.
Captain Neilâs eyes widen before a wicked grin spread across his face that made FF just a little uncomfortable but only because Andrewâs grip on his shoulder suddenly tightened and his nostrils flared the way they did before the two usually started speaking in Russian.
He can handle being stabbed, he cannot handle being in shock and pretending that he doesnât know what the two of them are saying to one another.
âCan you tell Nicky Iâm sorry I got blood on his clothes?â He asks and both Captain Neil and Andrewâs gaze snap away from eye-fucking each other. He looks down and the clothes are black and they havenât moved the knife so the wound is plugged still but yeah thereâs definitely blood seeping into the shirt, not to mention the hole. âCould you tell him Iâm sorry about that?â He asks.
âYou are going to tell him yourself Smith.â Andrew hisses, âYou are going to be fine. Do you understand me?â He asks before turning to Neil, âCan you bunch your jacket under his legs, itâs better to keep them higher than his head and heart?â He asks.
Aw.
Andrew is just so nice.
He canât BELIEVE he thought Andrew wanted to hunt him for sport.
Heâd apologize for thinking that but he thinks itâd be better to just let that particular misunderstanding go unmentioned.
Captain Neil bunches his jacket up and puts it under FFâs legs before he goes over to check on Romero and Jackson. In the corner of his eye he sees Captain Neil pause at the sight of Romero before moving over to Jackson.
âWhy is he in these?!â Neil asks baffled.
âItâs a weird sex alley Captain Neil! I donât know WHAT to tell you!â Yeah heâs definitely going into shock. The sirens are getting closer though so heâll probably be okay.
***
The cops all have a bit of a laugh about Jacksonâs cuffs until Neil tells them exactly who they are taking into custody. Neil could admit that heâs a little irritated with Andrew that at no point did the man clarify that the people who FF and Andrew were dealing with were Romero and Jackson.
Those are his fatherâs goons.
âThey were here for me.â Neil says to the police officer and Andrewâs hand tightens in his, âThey tried to take Smith because heâs my friend.â
They had decided on their story before the cops came. FF had no idea who any of these people were and was just defending himself. Heâd gone out to catch his breath in the alley when Jackson had shown up. Neil had asked how in the world FF had handled Jackson on his own but FF must have been getting kind of loopy from blood loss because all he said was, âHe told me to sing so I did.â
Neil can find out the full story later.
The important part is.
âJackson went after Smith but Smith won the fight.â Neil says looking at where the cops are trying to decide how to get the fuzzy pink handcuffs off of Jackson to get him in the far more secure police issued handcuffs.
âYour friend said that you and he took out Romero together. That Romero is the one who stabbed him with your knife.â He says.
âYes.â Andrew answers simply and Neil squeezes his hand as a reminder, âI went out to grab a smoke and Romero followed after me. Romero got hold of one of my knives in the struggle and stabbed Smith.â Andrew says with his usual deadpan affect.
âYeah thatâs what your friend Smith was saying too.â The officer says. âWell, Iâm sure the FBI will want to talk to you all further but for now itâs a pretty clear cut case of self defense and no one but your friend has any serious injuries.â The officer pats Neil on the shoulder and Neil manages not to shirk away from the touch. The officer retracts his hand, âYou guys are free to go tonight.â He says and turns back towards the car where a dazed Romero is in the back seat.
âWhere did they take Smith?â Andrew asks since theyâd been shepherded away from Smith the moment the ambulance had come. They hadnât been able to ask which hospital Smith was going to be taken to so they could go and get updates.
âLexington.â The cop answers, âGo on and see your friend. He seemed pretty loopy he kept talking about some beauty contest thing when he was getting loaded into the ambulance. Iâm sure heâll be a riot on painkillers.â The cop goes for a joke but it twists something in Neilâs stomach to think of FF so out of it that heâs talking nonsensically.
He feels Andrewâs hand stiffen in his and knows heâs not alone.
âThanks.â Neil says before they head towards the front of the club. The club had been emptied out when the cops had come so Roland was babysitting Aaron and Nicky for them while they talked to the cops and FF was loaded out to the hospital.
In a way itâs almost a blessing that Nicky and Aaron are both so blasted that they arenât comprehending any of whatâs going on. Theyâll have to drop them off back at the house before they go to the hospital. Theyâll beat Wymack there easily even after the interrogation and drop off.
FF had asked them to call Wymack to let him know what was going on âI gave him the rights to make health care decisions for me if Iâm incapacitated.â FF had said so Neil texts Wymack the hospital and the address after Andrew rattles it off for him.
âI donât like that you hid it from me.â Neil says in the car.
âThey wanted to kill you.â Andrew wonât apologize.
They still hold hands on the drive back to the Columbia house.
Andrew takes care of getting Aaron into bed while Neil helps Nicky.
Nicky who looks at Neil with a loopy smile and Neil hurts knowing that tomorrow when Nicky finds out about tonight and how he was too blasted to do anything to help FF.
Andrew and Neil reconvene in the Maserati and make their way to the hospital before either of them realize the issue.
âWhat is the name of the patient youâre looking for an update on?â The receptionist asks.
Both Andrew and Neil freeze.
Fuck.
MASTERPOST FOR ALL PARTS OF FLUENT FRESHMAN AU
NEXT
Per your requests:
@i-have-three-feelingsâ @blep-23â @dreamerking27â @andreilsmyreligionâ @belodensetdustâ @rainbowpineapplebottle @yarn-ace @iwouldlikesometea @lily-s-worldâ @obscureshipsandchipsâ @booklover242â @whataboutmyfriesâ @sahturnosâ @pluto-pepsiâ @dreamerthinkerâ @passinhosdetartarugaâ @leftunknownheartâ @aro-manita-muscaria @hologramsaredeadâ @Chaoticgremlinswishtheycouldbeme @tntwmeâ @tayspots @nick-scarâ @crazy-fangirl2524â @blue-jos10â @stabbyfoxandrewâ @splishsplashyouropinionistrashâ @sammichlyâ @the-broken-penâ @bitchesdoweknowuâ @very-small-flowerâ @ghostlyboiiiâ @its-a-paxycabâ @bisexual-genderfluid-fanâ @cheesecookieâ @theoneandonlylostsockâ @foxsoulcourtâ @blueleys @adverbialstarlightâ @elia-nnaâ @can-i-just-stay-in-the-cornerâ @nikodiangelâ @foxandcrow-inatrenchcoatâ @hallucinatedjostenâ @satanic-foxhole-courtâ @vexingcosmosâ @chalilodimunâ @insectsgetcookedâ @angry-kid-with-no-moneyâ @queer-crowsâ @lillyndraâ @themugglemudpersonâ @readertodeathâ @apileofpillowsâ @mortalsbowbeforemeâ @hellomynameismooâ @next-level-mess @youreonlylowâ @interstellarfigâ @notprocrastinatingatalltodayâ @percyjacksonfan3â @queenofcrazy27â @bsmr261 @ghostlyscaresâ @spencellioâ @adinthedarkroomâ @harpymothâ @sufferingjustalilbitâ @anxietymossâ @oddgreyhoundâ @ohno-myhyperfixation-itsbrokenâ @ken22789â @atiredvampireâ @isoldescornerâ @not--a--pipedreamâ @azure-wingâ @bushbeesâ Â @roonilwazlib-mainâ @crumplelushâ @foldedaces-paperbirdsâ @thesenseinnonsenseâ @let-tyrants-fearâ @ketchupandfriesâ @legowerewolfâ @deadlydodosâ @but-we-respect-his-craftâ @cariniqeâ @zanypersonapricotbiscuitâ @lesbian-blackbeardâ @lesbiansupernaturalâ @silvermasqueradeâ @thepeachfuzzâ @minniemariex @kazoo-the-demjinâ @gaypomegranateâ @ji-nk-iesâ @neilimfinejostenâ
The requests to be added to the tag list keep being spread out across a few different areas. If I missed you please just ask again in the replies I promise I just missed you.
As stated before if youâre up here and I spelled it right but you didnât get a notification there might be something switched around in your settings that wonât let me tag you properly?
#Fluent Freshman AU#Andrew: Smith is in the hospital.#Wymack (half awake): What did you do#Andrew: He got stabbed#Wymack: I thought you LIKED Smith#Wymack: Whatever admit to nothing I'm on my way#Twenty minutes later Andrew gets a text informing him that Kevin is coming#Andrew: Great just great#FF is having the time of his life in the ambulance#They gave him something for his pain#FF: You get what I mean right? Like that was a funny line since it's about Miss Congeniality?#EMT: Now that I understand the context that's a solid joke#FF: THANK YOU.#FF: I can't BELIEVE none of those cops got it#FF: I was so glad you loaded me in here because I thought I was going to die of shame when no one laughed#EMT: Well we wouldn't want that#EMT: How's your pain by. the way buddy?#FF: Wow four friends in one night. I am on a ROLL.#AFTG#AFTG OC#AFTG Fic#Andreil#AFTG AU#My Fic#FF - Part 22
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RealAgeAU Drabble - Mud
Hello! I am back with the baby-AU! Lmao! @spotaus
I am excited about this one :3
First Drabble Prev Drabble Next Drabble
Lets just get right into it shall we? :3
*-------------------*
Nightmare should probably be paying attention.
But the truth is it has already been a long day and he just doesn't feel like it.
Instead he just keeps holding Cross's hand as he eats his chocolate bar.
Nightmare is actually standing on the ground today, which is nice for a chance. It is mostly because he just spend the last two hours or so sitting still for some doctors and healers. For his monthly check up.
Which is new to him! Since when does he have a monthly check up?!
Nightmare huffs as he keeps eating his candy bar. It is sweet and he likes that. much like the light rain that is around them. He also likes the rain.
Cross shoots him an apologetic look "I know Nightmare. We will go home soon."
Nightmare hums and leans against Cross's side. He wants to go home already. The town is nice but busy today. Something to do with it being near halloween Crop had explained.
Nightmare looks up and sees that Killer is also very done with the conversation, even if he still has a smile on his face. Cross is better with acting interested. Gerson is talking to them so Nightmare can understand why they are still humouring this whole thing.
Nightmare finishes his snack and looks aorund, searching for a garbage can. He easily spots one and goes to let go of the hand.
Cross tightens his hold and looks down at him anxious "NIghtmare? Are you okay?" he gives Gerson an apologetic smile.
Nightmare rolls his eye lights and shows the obvious wrapper "Going to throw it away." duh.
Cross looks around and spots the same garbage can "I mean... okay... fast..." he slowly lets go of the hand as Gerson pulls him back to the conversation. Social guidelines nad rules keeping him captured.
Nightmare grins and walks over to the garbage can. He is careful to not slip on the wet and muddy ground. He is getting close when he spots a large mud pool and frowns at it. Annoying as he already starts to feel his spine acting up.
Seems like being carried and letting his spine relax a bit mad ehim less used to the pain... or is it because he is small now? Nightmare really doesn't know...
Still go carefully makes his way around the mud, he is wearing his new favourite sweater, the one Dust got him when they first got here, and he doesn't want to risk it getting dirty. He is already unhappy wiht it getting wet.
He gets to the garbage can and throws away the wrapper. Mission accomplished. Now to go back to Cross and Killer.
He turns around and bums into someone. Nightmare quickly takes a few steps back and slips only slightly before regaining his balance. He looks up and sees two boys.
Nightmare mutters "sorry..." he glances around and sees that Killer is already side eyeing him and his situation and he feels a bit calmer. He is fine. Killer is here.
One of the two boys huffs "How dare you! You dirtied my shoe!"
Nightmare blinks and feels confused. What does he mean? Nightmare bummed into him yeah but he didn't hit his shoe right? He looks down and sees that the shoes are covered with mud.
Nightmare frowns and rubs his arm "Sorry?" he isn't sure but also does not want trouble "Maybe it can be washed off?" he isn't sure. Some stuff is still hard to remember.
The boy huffs "Well that doesnt make it better!"
The other boy laughs "You know what would make it better?"
Nightmare realises soemthing is wrong right away and looks for an escape but one of them grabs his arm and the next thing he knows gravity pulls him down right into the mud he had been avoiding.
It hurts so bad.
His eye sockets sting both with tears and the mud. he looks down at himself and is absolutely covered. The other two laugh but it is already becoming a background noise.
His sweater is dirty...
He had tried to be careful with it and... and...
Two arms grab him and he is suddenly held close in a hug. "nightmare?! Are you okay? Is your spine okay? Are you hurt?" Cross speaks gently as he carefully removes some of the mud from Nightmare's face.
Nightmare can't explain. it is already hard to keep in the tears and now he is also ruining Cross's clothes and his body hurts and-
He sobs. He can't keep it in. He ruined his sweater. he ruined Cross's stuff. everything hurts. it is cold. he wants to go home.
Cross just pulls him closer and rubs his shoulders gently "Oh it is okay. Don't worry okay? We will get home and get all cleaned up and we will check your injuries."
Cross's voice helps him focus. Helps him breath and get passed the sobs and tears. his face is still all wet and muddy and he is dirty and his sweater. it had been a gift! He should know better than think he is allowed to have nice things.
Someone screeches "What do you think you are doing to my dareling boys?!"
Nightmare flinches and pushes closer to Cross. he dares to glance up and sees Killer growling and glaring at the two boys. He is holding one arm of one of the boys, the one Ngihtmare run into, behind his back and Nightmare knows that angle is painful.
Killer glances at the lady before looking back at the boy near tears "Teaching your child manners about how he shouldn't bully or harm a young child." Killer's voice is compeltely calm. Giving nothing away. Nightmare knows it means he is beyond furious.
The lady glares "It are just boys! Boys will be boys!" she huffs "What did they even do?" she notices him and huffs again "It is just mud! It is harmless!"
Killer looks at her before grinning. He lets go of the child and steps back. He moves quickly and Nightmare isn't even sure how he does it but next thing there is a wave of mud which covers all three.
Killer crosses his arms and waits.
The lady screeches again "How dare you?! This is real fur!"
Killer raies a brow "What? I thought you just told me. It. Is. Just. Mud." he stares her down "All you will have to do? Clean it. Which is much easier for you. As you have one of those handie bodies to keep it out of your system. Unlike wiht us skeletons that can cause quite a bit of different injuries. All caused by dirt getting stuck in joints. You know, like mud. And between joints, that this babybones has."
The lady shakes slightly as she looks around before looking back at Killer.
Killer stares at her "I will make this clear. YOu are going to walk away with those two brats of yours. You are not going to cause us anymore issues. understood?"
The lady nods and grabs her two boys and leaves.
Killer huffs before looking back at him. cold and emotionless look gone as he looks at him "tiny boss?"
Nightmare knows he is still crying as he pulls on his sweater a tiny bit. it sticks to his body, it rubs and hurts everything... but his sweater. He looks at Killer and isnt sure how to explain "my sweater..." he knows he is still crying "Dusty got this for me...." it was so expensive and special and Nightmare tried to be careful with it but he wanted the warm hug of the sweater at his appointment because it was Dust's relax day but now it is dirty and ruined and and and.
He can't explain adn just sobs.
Cross seems to understand as he pulls him closer "oh baby it is okay. We are going home. get you all cleaned up and clean up your sweater too. You will be wearing it again before you know it!"
Nightmare just sobs again.
Cross nuzzles him gently and that makes him feel a bit better.
"Hey tiny boss! Look!"
Nightmar eblinks and looks over at Killer. Killer sees him look and he grins widely. Before kicking his own feet out from under him and faceplanting right into the mud that Nightmare fell into.
Cross gasps "Killer!"
Killer pulls his face out and grins widely. The mud and tears mix and it is messy and he is covered in mud but it falls in almost slowmotion and-
Nightmare can't stop the giggle leaving him.
Killer grins and gets up. Each step makes a weird slurp and slosh. Nightmare snorts and laughs more.
Killer gets to them and grins at him.
Cross looks amused himself "You are a mess." he still nuzzles nightmare.
Killer grins and winks at Nightmare "Just means tiny boss and I will both need a bath." He then stands straight and shows his outfit "And look! More clothes that need washing! We will just wash our stuff together!"
Nightmare giggles and nods before starting to reach for Killer. He still pulls his hand back again. It feels... needy...
Killer grins as he sloshes over and nuzzles his face all over.
Cross sighs "Killer you are getting your goop all over him."
Killer grins at Cross "It is fine crossy! When we get home it is bathtime anyway!"
Nightmare feels himself relax a bit more as Killer rubs the tears away and Nightmare leans back against Cross. They are going home and wash up together.
He really hopes the sweater will turn out to be okay but the others probably know how to wash it out carefully.
*-------------------*
First Drabble Prev Drabble Next Drabble
#Realageau#utmv#nightmare sans#deaged nightmare#cross sans#killer sans#We had a drabble from baby's view!!#Sadly there are always rude people who are mean just to be mean because it makes them feel better about themselves#luckily neither cross or killer accept ANY of that!#Sadly baby is now covered in mud and sad and cold and hurt#but he will get bath time and some relaxing with dusty before going to cuddle and nap with his giant bat plushie (name still pending)#and look at killer rolling a nat 20 on intimidation with his 20 in charisma and making the rude people... actually listen and leave?#Huh. Very impressive... :3#Also still slightly exploring the right tune for Nightmare#He is a baby obviously but he is also very smart and has seen and done many things#it affects how he thinks about things which words he uses how he thinks about himself EVERYTHING#But at the same time child instincts are coming back HARD because he has four very willing caretakers who aren't accepting anything but#Nightmare being a happy and content child. There is some issues he is working through
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does
does anyone remember cardverse
#with some creative liberties because i find ivan's canon outfit kinda ugly tbh#also i don't know how to draw kisses so#roll with what we have#hetalia#hetalia world stars#aph america#aph russia#hws america#hws russia#hetalia america#hetalia russia#rusame#amerus#cardverse#hetalia fanart#my art#the context here: idk they're probably forbidden lovers or something#since their kingdoms r probably in clash#feel free to make your own interpretation tho im bad with ideas
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Well I canât believe I just had to watch that with my own two eyes
Imagine wasting such a good storyline because âyour first canât be your lastâ
#Alexa play Rolling in the Deep#because we could have had it all#Iâm actually going to need a minute#if this is truly how they end it#Iâll die mad about it#911#911 spoilers#bucktommy
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do you ever just get so exhausted by the same characterization of characters in fanfic that you have to binge read hannigram fics??
like fanfic is riddled with characters wrestling with their morality and making sure theyâre good people and if they even do something slightly morally wrong theyâll beg for forgiveness and apologize over and over again through stumbled rambling. and the characters feel guilty about the dumbest fucking shit like having sexual fantasies about someone and they spiral because âitâs not right and they donât have the right to have sexual fantasies about that personâ. and the romances are painfully all healthy and sweet and they have conversations about everything in depth.
like god fanfic is so filled with morality it can just be exhausting and sometimes i just need to read about two men who are unapologetic about how toxic they are and use murder and manipulation as foreplay.
#hannibal#hannibal lecter#hannigram#will graham#this is also why i donât read modern day books#cause theyâre just so dull and exhausting#the characters all HAVE to be morally correct#AND we always get rants about dumb shit so we know how the author feels about a subject#i remember reading an adult book and a character went on a random fucking internal rant about how virginity is a social construct#the way i rolled my eyes so hard#because it literally did not matter to the story and it was so random#books are so filled with moments like those and itâs so boring#we get it youâre liberal and woke#please at least let your characters be interesting#thatâs it#itâs fiction#please for the love of god this is where you can be creative and interesting#but they never are#op
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Been a fan of your fics for YEARS. I was just telling my friend how despite how much I read fics I never actually love them, with some of your fics (especially TMA) as the exception. Felt the need to reread some of them and saw you reblogged some ISAT fanart. So. Any thoughts on ISAT you'd like to share?
Hope you have a wonderful day!! So happy I found your fics again!!
I avoided answering this for a while because I was trying to think of a way to cohesively and coherently vocalize my thoughts on In Stars and Time. I have given up because I don't want to hold everybody here all day and I have accepted that my thoughts are just pterodactyl screeching.
I love it so much. I have so much to say on it. It drove me bonkers for like a week straight. I have AUs. It's absolute Megbait. They're just a little Snufkin and they're having the worst experience of anybody's life. Ludonarratives my fucking beloved.
I am going to talk about the prologue.
The prologue is such a fascinating experience. You crack open the game and immediately begin checking off all of the little genre boxes: mage, warrior, researcher, you're the rogue...some little kid who's there for some reason...alright, you know the score. You're in yet another indie Earthbound RPG, these are your generic characters, let's get the ball rolling.
Except then you realize that these characters are people. You feel instantly how you've entered the game at its last dungeon, at the end of the adventure. They have their own in-jokes, histories, backgrounds, adventures. They get along well and they're obviously close, but not in a twee or unrealistic way. They have so much chemistry and spirit and life. I fell in love with them so quickly.
But Sif doesn't. Sif kind of hates them, because they will not stop saying the same damn thing. They walk the same paths, do the same things, make the same jokes, expect Sif to say the same lines. They keep referencing a Sif we do not see, with jokes we never see him make and heroic personality he never shows - they reference a Sif who is dead - and Sif can't handle that, so he kills them too.
They become only an exercise in tedious frustration. Sif button mashes through their dialogue, Sif mindlessly clicks the same dialogue options, Sif skips through the tutorial, Sif blows through the puzzles. Sif turns their world into a video game. Sif is playing a generic RPG. Sif forgets their names. They are no longer people with in-jokes, histories, backgrounds, adventures. They're the mage, the warrior, the researcher, and...some random kid.
I did not understand the Kid's presence at first. I had no idea what they contributed to the game. They didn't do anything. As a party member in a video game, they're a bit useless. Why is the Kid there?
Because Sif's life isn't a video game. Because the kid isn't 'the kid'. They're Bonnie. Bonnie, who the party loves. Why is Bonnie there? Because they love them. There is no room for Bonnie in the boring RPG that Sif is playing. And then you realize that Sif is wrong, and that they've lost something extremely important, and that they'll never escape without it.
Watching the prologue before watching ISAT gave ISAT the most unique air of dread and horror, because you crack open ISAT and you see the person Sif used to be. You realize that Sif used to be a person. Sif used to be the person who made jokes, who gave real smiles, who interacted with the world as if they are a part of it. And you know you are sitting down to watch Sif lose everything that made them a person, to lose everything that made them a member of this world, and turn them into a character in a video game who doesn't understand the point of Bonnie at all.
At the climax of the game, when the others realize that something is deeply wrong and that Sif physically cannot tell them, they realize that there is nothing they can do. So Bonnie declares snacktime. And for the first time they have snacktime.
What is snacktime? Classic JRPGs don't have snacktime. There's literally no point to a snacktime - not in a video game, and not in Sif's terrible life. It's not fixing this, because nothing can fix this. But Bonnie gives Sif a cookie and Sif eats it.
It's meaningless. It's a cutscene. It didn't save Sif and it didn't change a thing. It will make no difference in the end.
But it did make the difference. It made all of the difference in the world. Bonnie is a character who you really don't understand the point of before you realize that Bonnie was the entire point.
ISAT is about comfort media. Why do we play the same video games over and over again? Why do we avoid watching the finale of our favorite shows? What is truly comforting: a story with no conflict, or a story where you always know what is about to happen? Do you want to live in a scary, uncontrollable world, or do you want to play Stardew Valley? Do you want a person or a character?
When I beat Earthbound for the first time (and if you don't know, the prologue/ISAT battle system is just Mother) and watched the ending cutscene where the characters part ways and say goodbye...I felt a little bit sad. I wanted them to be together forever. But that's something only characters could ever be.
#these aren't deep or unique thoughts they're just the specific aspect of ISAT that made it one of the most interesting gaming experiences#i actually like the prologue much more than ISAT for just this reason#its honestly a video game art piece that's created to give the player a very specific experience#that makes them an aspect of the narrative that is told#it's. incredible.#in stars and time#start again start again start again#start again: a prologue#isat#god and there is so so so so much more to say here#what a rich and complex and fascinating game that made me cry like a baby#i dont even kin sif. we arent similar at all.#i cant imagine how devastating this game would have been if i did#but I do have a deep relationship with escapsim#and i write about it a lot#and video games about being video games are wonderful#as are stories about being stories#and why we consume stories. how we use them. how they save us and hurt us.#never played a video game that used its medium so well#i bet undertales also pretty good at that but this is more so i think#stories about stories have to be about why we love stories#and im not an artsy person and i roll my eyes a bit when people talk about the spiritual neccesity of art#i think people need stories because the world is sad and hard and boring and we want to think about something else for a while.#some people need to be anywhere but here#and sometimes if you're Lil Depressed-Ass Snufkin that looks like being here forever#baby cringe-ass snufkin big hat idiot
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Every year Kate holds her own Kane Family Eventsâ˘ď¸ on the same nights as Bruce has his, a cousin rivalry that's been going on as long as either of them can remember.
Dick occasionally joined the Kane's to spite Bruce the first few years, but eventually settled into his Richy Wayne persona.
Jason attended the first few Wayne galas, and immediately decided he wasn't fond of all the formality. He made a deal with Dick, he'll go to the Kane events and bring back leftovers if Dick does the same at Wayne events.
He ends up having a lot of fun! He's pretty much immediately hoisted over to the kid table, which would be more offensive if 18 year old Bette Kane weren't also there. Eventually someone else joins their little gossip duo, a blonde boy named Joey whose around Dick's age. Apparently his mom is Kate's aunt or something and she runs the New York branch of Kane Corp. He's pretty cool, Jason was a little surprised he couldn't talk but he knows ASL so it wasn't an issue and they have a lot in common!
Flash forward a few months later. There's a new Titan team, and Jason gets to visit them today. He's heard of them all at least, Wally, Kori, and Donna are regular fixtures at the manor, and he's met Roy a few times too. He's NOT expecting to see Cousin Joey lounging on the couch.
"-and this is Jericho, or Joey." Dick introduces, oblivious to Jason's inner turmoil.
"Nice to meet you." He says on autopilot. He opens his mouth to- to? He's not actually sure what he could say but he doesn't get the opportunity either way.
Joey waves back, curt and polite as would be expected of two perfect strangers. There's a secretive little smile quirking his lips, the one he gets after he drops a particularly juicy piece of gossip.
Jason's lips thin, keeping the questions trapped behind his teeth. He nods subtly, and the introductions move on.
It's only at the next gathering, with Bette off at the buffet, the two of them sequestered in the corner, that he makes a realization. "Oh my God auntie Addie is a meta!" He gasps, interrupting the conversation. He'd barely thought it through. He saw Adeline deeply engaged with the annual drinking contest out of the corner of his eye and it fell from his mouth before he could stop it. If Joey is a meta that was born with his powers, he had to get them from somewhere. He's not exactly surprised that Addie is a metahuman, he just hadn't realized.
Joey gives him a weird look, part amused and confused before he seems to follow Jason's train of thought. He shakes his head with a grin, signing father. Like that gives him any context.
Joey doesn't talk about his dad. Whoever he is has never shown up to one of these events as far as Jason could tell. His only clue is the last name Wilson, not one that Joey uses himself, but the one entered in the system at the tower.
He turns that information around in his head, utilizing all of those detective skills to piece the clues together before Joey interrupts him with a gentle nudge.
He's picking me up tonight if you want to meet him, Joey offers, a spark of mischief in his eyes that makes Jason suspicious.
Jason chokes on his own spit as he watches Deathstroke emerge from a Benz, dressed down in jeans and a T-shirt. The man gives Jason a look over, recognizes him, and then ignores him completely. Ushering Joey into the car talking about tickets to some events or other that may or may not be a mission.
#dc#jason todd#joey wilson#Dick Grayson#Bette Kane#slade wilson#Fic idea#blorbo posting#headcannons#This came from that one alternate universe where Adeline Kane is related to the bats or something#also y'know what do we know about her background other than last name Kane military family and she's rich#Slade isn't actually taking Joey on a mission he's just saying that because he doesn't know how to just spend time with his kids#Joey knows this and is nice enough to not call him out on it in front of Robin#I'm imagining that Jason comes back from the dead and rolls up to the Kane family event and they still make him sit at the kids table#so you have Joey Jason and Bette who are all grown as hell sitting at a short ass table because they're still the youngest ones there#aside from all the actual children that they're stuck sitting with of course#This is brought to you by me still having to sit at the kids table with my cousins even though we're all decidedly no longer kids
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HEY GUYS, WHAT THE FUCK!!!!
305...
HOW THE HELL DO I HAVE 305 PIECES OF FANMAIL FOR THIS GUY... WHAT THE ACTUAL SHIT, WHERE AM I??? /VPOS
I did NOT expect people to like him this much EVER in my LIFE but I'm so grateful for all of it... I love to look over all the stuff I get drawn it makes me giddy ESPECIALLY when I find hidden little details, its SOSO lovely,,
THANK YOU GUYS, THIS LITERALLY MEANS SO MUCH TO ME FOREVER ILY !!! STAY SAFE, HAVE A WONDERFUL DAY, AS ALWAYS!!! đđ
#berri stuff#berri rambles about shit#NO BECAUSE THIS LITERALLY BOGGLES MY MIND#HOW THE SHIT#HOW THE FUCK#HOW THE SHIT FUCK PISS DID WE GET HERE#hES JUST A FELLA... HE JUST SUM GUY.. WHAT HE DOOOO...#wHAT HAPPENEEDDD AUAGGGGHH#edgar marlowe#IM ROLLING AROUND GIGGLING & KICKING MY FEET RN#THIS IS SO DELIGHTFUL IM P/MUCH SPEECHLESS WHAT THE SHITTING FUCK PISSTAKE /VPOS
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I am so unbelievably pissed off. FUCK HOAs
Oh, my trash/recycling bin can't be visible except on pickup day? Ok whatever fine I hate you but I can deal with this
Weekly inspections?????? FU FU FU FU FU
SECOND NOTICE ALSO WE'RE CHARGING YOU MONEY TO SEND YOU CERTIFIED MAIL OF THIS TOTALLY LEGIT TOTALLY SECOND NOTICE OF WHAT IS ACTUALLY A VIOLATION cue me: checks notes. Hmm. My recycling bin was. on the curb. on recycling pickup day. You know. The day it has to be out. The day it is motherfucking ALLOWED TO BE FUCKING OUT AND VISIBLE.
so. 1) not a violation
I have sent them the trash AND recycling pickup schedules, which are DIFFERENT, btw
I have disputed the fact of the violation
I have disputed the linking of this "violation" to a previous violation MONTHS AGO--their "first notice" in this case was a "Courtesy Notice" LITERALLY 5 MONTHS AGO and they've done so many inspections since then and my bin CLEARLY WASN'T OUT IN THOSE INTERVENING MONTHS so WTMFH
So I am posting like a crazy person here instead of sending the absolutely deranged email I almost sent (I did send a slightly less deranged version with the disputes, and requesting a hearing)
OMG. It has been. Less than one hour since I learned this fun fun news. My bin was out YESTERDAY, y'all. YESTERDAY. I am going to blow a gasket
#it's a relatively privileged problem to have (omg i have a home truly i am grateful) but it's still a goddamned problem and i'm allowed#to fucking complain about it#in case it needs to be said#*rolling my eyes*#i advocate for free/actually affordable housing for everyone who needs it because we ALL deserve a safe secure stable home#whatever type of home that may be#it is absolutely goddamned ridiculous that megacorps can buy all the housing#rent it out at extortionate rates and evict people willy nilly#and we're talking about a âhousing crisisâ and not a âSTOP LETTING CORPORATIONS AND BILLIONAIRES HOARD ALL THE HOUSINGâ crisis#goddamn.#ha elect me president (ahaha don't do this i am not a good public speaker) and I'll push congress to pass some really neat legislation#hey be more direct: elect me to congress (ahaha don't do this) and i'll WRITE some goddamn nifty legislation and yell about it as long and#as loud as i can until people start to just fucking say yes to make me shut the fuck up#(i know that's not how it works. again. don't actually elect me to a government position)#exemplia gratis:#No individual person shall own more than 6 homes UNLESS they pay a Housing Market Shrinkage Fee for removing viable housing from the market#why 6 and not 2? 2 is a lot! it's excessive! but having A vacation home shouldn't be a crime. Having 5 vacation homes is ridiculous and#awful and whatever but it's not likely to be the source of all our greatest âhousing shortageâ problems. no. I'm aiming for the absolutely#monstrously greedy and egregious motherfuckers who---ok#hang on. how many homes does the average min and max homeowner own? I would like to see data on that. but anyway#the next part of the legislation:#Homes owned >6 shall be charged X% Housing Market Shrinkage Fee UNLESS they are rented for affordable (15% or less than renter net income)#housing and are actively occupied by said renters. Rented out and charging more than 15% of renter's net? still gotta pay up.#EMPTY housing >6 shall be subject to an additional Y% Housing Market Shrinkage Fee (tax? should I call it a tax?) which increases with ever#month that the housing goes unoccupied. no one living in it? sell it rent it or pay the fuck up. and still pay the fuck up if you rent it#for way too goddamn much money#but like. less. we only REALLY hate you if you sit on empty houses that you don't even let anyone use#ok that's individuals. now onto BUSINESSES#ok so immediately it gets a little complicated cuz like presumably there's rental management businesses that don't own the rental propertie#that they manage BUT there are also companies that just outright own a shitfuckton of housing and THIS is the truly egregious monstrous sid
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