#the brainrot is still very much real and present its just that i dont have enough time to draw all of my ideas

[greenliar]

let’s have a black celebration

today marks one year since the start of my gideon hyperfixation, not only this guy is responsible for the lot of my artworks but kinda influenced my own personal life which is insane. i had to draw something pomptous for the ocassion

(and special thanks to every fellow gideon lovers for liking my art, everytime i see same people interacting with my drawings i go happyyy ^_^ )

[pinkseas]

'parasocial bestie' im on my knees cry laughing like a pathetic peasant at the feet of a king blessing me id put an indicator everytime i jump here but its not like my ask specifically with 748274 word paragraphs is easy to miss in your inbox anyway ANYWAY WORDS WOW YOUR WORDS;;,;...... i could just pick out every term and phrase your described like a scientist thinking wow so that's what it is THATS EXACTLY HOW IT GOES about this xiaolumi dynamic i get crazy on that intrudes my thouhgt processes 98% of the time

qpr xiaolumi gets me haywire my brain neurons tangling 24/7 i get them to a dynamic so far out of romance to a 'love' that is all about understanding and care that i dont even MIND they're friends until the end, that idt "xiaolumi" is the better word than just xiao and lumine. it just fits, so much about them rlly fits in entirety both history and present its not about protection its about Reaching Out, holding hands being a go-to physical closeness just for warmth and security they're right There; the shoulder bumps, their backs on each other this 'quiet love' the 'not vulnerable in one of them but vulnerable to each other' THEY'RE STRONG FOR OTHERS BUT WEAK TO THEMSELVES. 'they're able to share such a unique loneliness, the fact that in not being understood by anyone around them they're able to understand each other' BANGS MY HEAD ON THE TABLE FALLS OF MY CHAIR it's really just!! this description is still commonly used but it's such a different case with them that it hits HARD (or maybe i'm just biased idc nonetheless eyes xlmi only)

what i Think would differ between my xlmi and yours tho is that i characterize xiao a little differently so it's like another typa exploration of lumine understanding him (and vice versa) altogether; he's a little no brained a little emotionless to his own self worth it's hard to feel things personally, likely an effect of his traumatic past changing him to lose autonomy and gaining it back. his emotions are a little muted and subdued that contrasts lumine's overflow of it but they both do have good control of them in general, so that's pree much the only large barrier they have that makes it a tad harder for them to understand in general. a strong xiao is good, protective and vigilant, but ppl miss the super essential fact he canonly states he trusts the traveler to stand their ground. that's where you see lumine is just as strong, people of the same wavelength and strength it just clicks easily (a bit complicated in mine, but their closeness is just the same,...) a fav personal hc detail i go crazy on brainrotting sometimes is there's the touch of desperation they had on each other and you put that very well in your fics, and like i said not too exaggerated- nor extreme that its realistic and human, very in-line with canon even.

and boy just OH BOY to merely focus their development on the simple, little things just like you described and to me it's truly like walking out to a quiet expanse after a heavy rain where everything in nature has a somber serenity of dewdrops and petrichor. it's a sign that's how xiao and lumine unconsciously heal each other through that understanding, the clashes they'd face and the warmth that closes in a resolute embrace.

[breaks down completely i dont got more words but my brain is xlmi speeding]

"like a pathetic peasant at the feet of a king blessing me" as though you are not the one who crowned me in the first place.......... we stand on equal ground my friend (deep ground) (the trenches) (fighting for our fucking lives hand in hand)

xiao and lumine. you are SO FUCKING REAL FOR THIS xiaolumi is cute i will continue to use it out of laziness as one does but man. at their core at their hearts. xiao and lumine, lumine and xiao. it feels like the difference between two halves coming together to make a whole and two matching wholes. separate but together.

"its not about protection its about Reaching Out" YES YES YES YES ohhh my god you could not be more real for this. the holding hands the closeness the warmth the security the little reminders of hey, im here, its okay, we're okay. STRONG FOR OTHERS BUT WEAK TO THEMSELVES........ explodes into a million pieces. and ur right i feel like a lot of dynamics sort of share that concept but with xiaolumi its Different bc they are my most specialist little guys ever its just. ITS DIFFERETN !!!!!!!!!!! <- like trust me

also that is so fucking fascinating like idk different interpretations nbd but i feel like Part Of That is us interpreting the way he'd react/respond to that trauma differently? which i fucking LOVE, because there's no right response to something like that anything is possible its just a matter of taking a look at where he is in the present and building something behind it that could have played a part in making him who he is. and there's so much we see of him but so much we dont, too, that leaves SO much wiggle room for characterization and i just. gmnmfnmgnmmfn. and i LOVE that so much, the sort of push and pull with his being muted where lumines overflow, that's SUCH a good dynamic dear LORD. the little steps to reach out to and understand one another the things they could learn and teach one another ohhhhh my god.

"there's the touch of desperation they had on each other" no bc this is SO IMPORTANT TO ME if i didnt include this just a little bit i think i would have exploded. and it cant be too much but it cant be too little, either, so im SO glad that it felt realistic to you !!!!

walking outside after heavy rain... the Stillness the Peace the fresh air that follows. taking a deep breath and feeling alive. god. GOD. i have done this so many times i LOVE the rain and i LOVE going on walks after it and especially after like the semi-heavier storms we get here and i know the exact feeling you mean and i cannot stress enough how wonderful it is to me that youd describe it that way. god. AND "how xiao and lumine unconsciously heal each other through that understanding" THISSSSSSS makes me insane i am biting through phone books i am punching the wall they are everything to me. Everything.

[spacexseven]

hi tuna hi hi 👋 I gotta quick one for ya. I was staring at one of dazais mayoi cards, the one where elise gives him a little stuffed bunny (can't send pictures over anon unfortunately but its called lamplit winter if you wanna look it up), and then i reread ur softzai piece and it made me brainrot really really bad so imagine. giving yan dazai a little stuffed animal...

like, look, I feel like dazai, even the crueller versions of him like subordinate darling dazai, is something of a sentimentalist. everything and anything darling gives him is a present and he wants to take good care of it. like, even something as innocuous as a pencil you dropped is something hell keep in a little shoebox beneath his bed. its all part of his delusion, his secret hopeless romanticism. touching (or heaven forbid, breaking) something he got from darling is enough to get people sent to the hospital, or even killed. so imagine ACTUALLY giving him a gift of some kind. youre at the arcade, you win a little stuffed animal, you give it to dazai cuz you have no use for it. you dont really think much of it, really, but HE sure does. mafia/subordinate darling dazai would be a special case. hed probably pretend he doesnt care for the toy at first, both to you and to himself (especially since subordinate darling would probably give it to him sarcastically), but he doesnt have it in him to get rid of it. hes always had a bit of a soft spot for cute things.... and the cramped storage compartment he lives in is so dreary...... no, nevermind that, he'll just. throw it over in the corner. whatever. no need to even go through the effort of disposing of it, thats how little he cares!

of course, he finds his eyes drifting to it more often than not, thinks about what you giving him something like that might Mean, etc. he still refuses to admit he appreciates it, or you, but then maybe one night... he finds himself having another nightmare... and as he sits there, cold, lonely, distressed... his eyes catch the little stuffed toy you gave him. before he can really think about it, he grabs it and drags it into bed with him. he was never given things like this, as a child, so holding it feels... nice. comforting in a way he hasn't experienced. it even still smells just like you; and if he closes his eyes, he can PRETEND its you... he can imagine himself holding you tightly, burying his nose in your hair, laying on your chest and listening to your heart... his little fantasies get him back to sleep very quickly, and it becomes routine. sometimes, if hes particularly lonely or the delusion has completely overtaken him for the day, he'll even talk to the toy like its you. I could also imagine this leading to him stealing some clothes from you, once your scent starts to be replaced with his own on the toy, nothing you'll miss, just a shirt or two he can use to supplement your presence while he sleeps!

I'll cut myself off here cuz I am going NUTSO but yeah. thats where my head is at rn <33

- 🩹

im so sorry for how long it took me to get to this omg these weeks have been hectic :( i dont know if i uslaly write dazai this gloomy but i like it

dazai treasures anything you give him leave behind, but instead of dedicating a corner of his room to your items and presence, dazai likes to spread things out in his place like how you might leave it if the two of you were together. he leaves a used tube of chapstick in the drawer beside his bandages, he places a half-empty tube of toothpaste beside his own in the bathroom (making a note to buy the same one as you from now on so it feels more real, this fantasy), he keeps your shirts stacked up beside his, trying to make it feel natural. somehow, the possibility of you living with him seems so far-fetched so instead, he turns to building the future he'd like with your missing items, playing into his little fantasy. of course, the obvious lack of furniture in his room is inadequate for you, too miserable to be called a house, unlike your own apartment with the wallpaper and the trinkets you have placed everywhere.

if anyone messes with anything lying around (unlikely, since nobody really visits him anyway), dazai would fly into a rage. every item has been meticulously placed in its appropriate place, and slightly nudging it away or putting it elsewhere would cause the fragile facade to crumble and demolish the delicate atmosphere. when he gets back at night, he makes sure to check that everything is in its place—the chapstick he so desperately wants to use (a pathetic attempt at getting close to you) but doesn't want to taint with his touch, the shirts he cradles so delicately, pretending you were there, when the loneliness feels more crushing than usual and he can't bear to accept his reality.

if you happened to give him anything, regardless of the reason, dazai would be over the moon. sure, when you casually ask him if he wants the stuffed toy you won, he scoffs and pretends like he's not interested, but ultimately takes it anyway. its soft texture and blank eyes don't mean much to him as it is, but knowing you were just holding it in your arms, experimentally squeezing it a few times before telling dazai you couldn't keep it, makes the toy the most valuable thing in the world for dazai. no matter how out of place the cute, round thing looked in his bandaged arms, surrounded by his coat, dazai found himself holding it tighter. with this, he can fool himself into believing this was a date and not just a detour from your usual work. he can lie to himself and think that you wanted to impress him by winning the toy, no matter how far it was from the truth.

the toy is painfully out of place in his dark room, not really looking right on the dresser or inside the closet. so he throws it onto his bed instead, thinking about how desolate it looked still. he doesn't think much of it until he goes to rest, observing the round toy sitting beside him. outside, the sky rumbled, and he felt his hand squeeze the soft belly of the toy. despite himself, he found himself smiling a little. it was sort of cute, with the blank eyes and stuffing. he'd never had something like this, and now that he did, he didn't know what to do with it.

while he was thinking about it, he realized the toy might have your scent, seeing as it was held by you for a while first. awkwardly, his arms wrapped around it and he pulled it closer, feeling like a child who had just received his first toy. it was soft; lacking the warmth humans had, but he wasn't about to be picky when this was already something he never had.

for a minute, he thought back to that pleased expression you had when squeezing the round stuffed toy in your arms, and he thinks you'd like to have it when you moved in. with his eyes closed, it's easier to pretend the inanimate object is more human and more loving. it's easy to imagine it was you in his arms, asleep, except for the lack of warmth.

dazai sighs and his eyes open, still holding the toy. it was nice while it lasted.