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tommarvoloriddlesdiary · 1 year ago

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not me updating this post (it's more likely than you'd think)

Dust and debris spread like a fine mist through the air.

Harry can see the storefront across from him. The window’s glass has large looping letters, their outline gilded and just catching what little light shines through the smoke clouds, but he can hardly make out the words. He feels so dizzy.

What’s going on?

At first the world is straight, if a little blurry, and then it is not. He’s tilting—no, falling—Harry is falling; he’s been pushed, shoved? The culprit is running off somewhere into the smog, and he catches himself with his hand on the brick behind him. He thinks it must hurt but can’t really feel it.

There’s definitely something going on here, Harry nods almost to encourage himself. And he’s sure of it because, even though it‘s painful to look at (now that he’s seen it - he can’t stop staring), spellfire is sparking up and down the alley. Probably a fight, but who’s fighting? And - what’s that?

A large chunk of rubble, he realises. Then he corrects himself—chunks.��

Oh.

They make an impressive line through all this dust and whatnot to the point where things actually seem visible. And now that he’s sort of able to see and mostly paying attention, Harry’s noticing that the chunks aren’t coming from nearby buildings; they aren’t falling from the sky.

He watches, brows raised, as the ground a bit off in the distance breaks, cracks, and almost crumbles out of itself. The massive stone tears straight up and away, shooting at harrowing speeds towards—something, Harry’s certain. Their mass is being used as projectiles.

Woah, he thinks and hopes he says it out loud because whoever’s doing that needs to hear this, now that’s wicked. The magical strength required to do that must be enormous, but judging by their wavering and almost wild flinging energy, it lacks in any refinement or skill. Whoever is doing that is desperate. Scared. So, not wicked, probably.

Harry’s tempted to find the poor bastard and give them a pat on the back, maybe take them out for a pint. Hell, he could use one right about now. He’s feeling pretty desperate and—well, maybe not scared—but definitely confused, too.

Which brings him back to: What’s going on?

Waking up in the middle of an ongoing fight is what Harry had been expecting; what he hadn’t been expecting is waking up in the middle of what looks like Diagon Alley if he squints a bit and tilts his head to the left.

Deciding he’s overstayed his wall welcome, Harry straightens up, cautiously keeping his hand on the brick for steadying. He dusts himself off rather pointlessly and gives his Auror robes a quick pat down. No wand.

That’s a problem. Nothing he can’t work around, but it’s a problem long term. Thankfully, he isn’t out of practice with wandless spellwork, but it vastly limits what he can do to lend a hand with whatever the hell is going on here.

And he’ll really have to lend a hand and get out of here as quickly as possible. Ron is no doubt losing his mind with worry, and they still have to take care of some rouge wizards reaping havoc on a small wizarding community in Alfriston. If Harry really is in Diagon, he’s a long way away from there, so time is of the essence.

Seriously, what happened anyway? What did that wizard throw at him?

It occurs to Harry then that he should probably give more attention to the wizards currently throwing things at him because one of those large pieces of rubble abruptly interrupts his train of thought and sightline. He gathers whatever magic he can and prepares to apparate away from its path, but—

Nothing.

He tries again. And again. It’s getting closer.

Then on his fourth attempt he feels something grating against his skin and realises—anti-apparition wards.

Something is not only going on… but is very wrong.

Harry’s eyes widen, and he ducks, rolling out of the way and further into the street. The world continues rolling even when he stops, vertigo crashing over him all too suddenly and forcing him to catch his breath; Merlin, Harry feels like he’s dying.

He only gets this way after portkey travel or long-distance flooing—how he got here does not agree with him at all. And watching as that stone impacts the shop window he stared at earlier, Harry startles at another simple revelation.

He can’t hear.

He takes a deep breath and coughs, tries again until he feels calmer and doesn’t choke with every lung full. He can hear, but it isn’t anything substantial, only a low-volume, high-pitched ringing noise that echoes around in his head. He feels nearly delirious. And a bit like he’s going to be sick.

Mindlessly, Harry steps back and out of the way of a nasty-looking violet spell, its shade almost neon. He takes a moment to assess his body more carefully.

Fingers, toes—check. All limbs, head is on straight, joints are bending the right way—he’s perfectly fine. He doesn’t feel any major injuries but forces a pitifully weak healing charm from within - out. He’s shit at wandless healing even though everyone swears otherwise, so it doesn’t ease up the nausea, but it does fix his hearing.

He almost wishes it hadn’t.

Screaming louder than banshee cries, whizzing spells, explosions echoing, the dull droning of the wards, buildings breaking, shouts, crying, pleading—the world is so much louder than Harry is expecting, and he flinches, holds his hands against his ears at the onslaught.

It takes some time, more than he wants to tolerate, and a few more close calls with ugly spells, but when Harry finally gets his bearings, he jumps into the fray.

It’s hardly a thought to magic away most of the debris in the air, and with it gone, he takes in his surroundings. His head whips back and forth, taking stock of what’s newly visible. Harry’s unsure where to begin and who to ask for an explanation of what is even happening. He can’t spot any familiar Aurors, but there are definitely people scattered about in uniforms…

Harry nearly pauses at that. Yes, there are definitely people dressed in uniforms. Ones that are dark and black and flow like ink and look eerily familiar, and others that look strikingly like Sirius’s old—

“HELP!”

Harry’s eyes unerringly find the source of that scream—a young woman clutching a child.

Their backs are up against the broken remains of a side alley, and her body is trying to cover the kid, hide them, to the best of her ability. A wizard in dark robes blocks their only way out, wand held stiffly in a tight grip - it’s pointed straight at them.

Harry’s already moving, but his eyes squint, disoriented as he catches the unmistakable glimmer of silver reflecting off sunlight from the side of the wizard’s face. And this does make him pause. It makes him pause just long enough to feel and humour the stomach-swooping horror of recognition—of wrongness—that sight causes.

It’s certainly a good thing that Harry has gotten to be so proficient at pushing down and sealing away horrors of all types and that he continues to be fast on his feet, quick on the draw. Helpful, too, that his wandless stupefy is still in top form.

The wizard crumples to the ground, and Harry’s assist goes unnoticed in all the chaos. Yet the woman finds his eyes anyway, obviously having noticed him earlier, maybe even calling out for Harry specifically. She peers up at him, relieved and overwhelmingly grateful, but stares for a beat too long.

And Harry, long used to prolonged stares, gives her no mind. He quickly comes over to help escort her and the child somewhere safer. She mutters something as he lifts the mute kid into his arms, their eyes wide and blinking. Harry balances them mostly on his left - his right hand holding their back steady, but he wants to keep it free to cast just in case.

“What was that?” Harry asks while waiting for the kid to get comfortable and finish tightly wrapping their arms around his neck. He releases his hold on their back once they settle, and he takes a gentle but resolute hold on the woman to help guide her out of the alley and any direct fire.

She’s shaking violently, but when she repeats herself, her voice is more confident—louder. “I- I didn’t know you had become an Auror, James. I thought you only g-graduated this summer?” She asks.

For a moment, only a moment, all of Harry’s battle-hardened instincts fall away.

He feels his shoulders drop from their tense hold, and he—he just can’t believe what he’s heard. She doesn’t look anywhere close to his parents’ ages had they still been alive, even by wixen ageing standards. Really, she looks much closer to Harry’s age, maybe a couple of years older, give or take. They had probably gone to Hogwarts together for a while, so then why—

Why does she think he’s his father? James, she called Harry, like they are friendly. Like they know each other.

Shock. Harry can excuse this as shock. He sorely wants to, but that feeling of wrongness is rearing its ugly head once again.

So he decides not to say anything at all. Harry stays quiet and focused. He stuns anyone suspicious they come across and brings them both to a mostly unharmed shop out of the way with a blessedly working floo connection in a warded office in the back.

The kid gives him a big hug before they leave, still mute, still blinking with wide eyes, and the woman turns to Harry, puts one hand on his arm, squeezes him once and says, “Stay safe, James.”

He watches them leave.

Breathe, Harry, he tells himself. And it almost works because he can hear the wet gasp and feel his chest move up and down with it. Yet he remains breathless, his mind whirring and unable to catch a thought long enough to actually think—until his feet start moving.

Harry exits the building and, with a clarity he doesn’t truly feel, rounds the corner. He’s confident that Twilfitt and Tattings should be just here, only a few feet away. When he arrives at the distinct shop front, still standing on what Harry can only guess is unadulterated rich-pureblood spite, the store looks nothing like the clothing shop he’s seen hundreds of times before.

Unsettled but always willing to take a gamble, Harry sticks to the edges of the alley and makes his way further up Diagon, closer to Horizont. He avoids bouncing spells and crumpled bodies and casts when he has to all the way until he spots the familiar sign of Ollivanders.

With careful hesitation and a churning deep in his gut, Harry tries something with no small amount of hysteria. He holds up his hand right before the shattered glass of Ollivanders’s main window and says:

“Accio Harry Potter’s wand.”

Harry stands there foolishly for a moment, lingering. Nothing happens.

A short laugh rushes out of him; vicious relief nearly causes his head to sway, but he can’t help it. For a breathtaking moment, he had almost convinced himself that he’d felt something like a tingle, like a response from his magic that something was about to happen.

Shock, Harry reminds himself. She was just in shock.

He shakes his head to clear it of whatever madness had briefly held him and readies to shoulder open the door and commandeer a temporary wand. Even an incompatible wand will be better than nothing if he continues lending a hand to the Aurors on the scene. But before he can even take a step, his eyes catch movement in the darkness of the shop. And—Oh, that’s coming straight at me.

“Whoa!” Harry ducks and turns to watch as a wand takes an arching turn and bounds straight towards him again. But this time, Harry is ready; he catches it with a smart thwack to the flat of his palm.

The immediate warmth and pure magic radiating from this wand floods his veins unlike any other—but that’s a lie. It’s exactly like one other. One other wand from when Harry was eleven. His very first wand.

He looks at the fine holly wood in his hand, feels the blazing heat of what is no doubt a phoenix feather core, and the familiar curves and juts of its crafted exterior, and conjures no happiness at the sight of his old friend. Harry feels dread take hold of his very being, leaving him cold and wrung dry.

“Tempus,” Harry mutters, and like delicate clockwork, the spell casts flawlessly and more naturally than any spell Harry has cast in ages. The time of day and month are troubling enough, but the year really causes its own upending.

1978.

Harry takes a deep, steadying breath in. He locks all the terrible and horrible things he’s feeling away in a small corner of his mind, shoving it all into a cupboard under the stairs. And he takes a deep, steadying breath out.

He nods once to himself and holds his wand in a textbook grip. Logic and Auror instinct, but more prevalent, war instinct, sinks its familiar claws into the still healing scars of his mind.

He leaves Ollivanders and makes his way carefully up Diagon Alley, distantly acknowledging that he hasn’t done as good a job as he’s hoping at concealing his anxieties. His casting is too accurate and decidedly not as innocent as it’s been. He trades stupefy for spells that may lean a little darker than any Auror really should be using.

He can’t say he has the element of surprise on his side. Still, the terrorists attacking the alley aren’t exactly looking out for an Auror dressed like Harry, so he has a precious few moments of them treating him like a civilian before realising their grave error.

But, by then, Harry has blasted them halfway across the alley. They’re face down on the cobblestones or missing a limb or two by the time their ah-ha moment of ‘civilians don’t normally fight like that’ echoes in the quiet of their unconscious minds.

As Harry gets closer to the heart of the battle, picking off black-robed wizards one by one and gathering appreciative and perplexed looks from Aurors, he realises that faces are beginning to gain an awful familiarity. He wants to hex himself—of course faces are starting to look familiar. He knows an ungodly amount of wixen who fought in the First War. He’s heard numerous stories of their bravery and seen photographs of them, after all, and Harry really should have known that seeing them would be inevitable, even now—even when he isn’t ready.

But he hasn’t ever travelled this far back in time, so can anyone blame him for being caught by surprise?

Because—there she is.

She’s fresh out of Hogwarts. Classes must’ve only ended a month or so ago. And she’s standing at the heart of the battle. The August sun lends an unfairly clear day to the gruesome attack and shines on the brilliant auburn of her hair, all tied back and away from her face like a flaming whip. Gods, there she is.

Harry is shocked still, eyes locked on the sight of Lily Potter.

And he pays for it with a gnarly gash to the side of his ribs.

Gasping out, he quickly breaks from his trance and curses his inability to stay focused. Harry fires back with his own cutting spell; of course, the much nastier sectumsempra won’t be nearly as easy to bounce back from, but Harry just can’t muster up the fucks to give at the moment.

Mum—Lily—is the one who stops his next assailant, though Harry doubts she even notices her assistance. It turns out she’s the one ripping stone out of the earth and flinging it at anything silver and moving. And, Merlin, it’s nearly charming. He’s going to throw up.

It takes a blue spell, its colour vibrant and just off enough for Harry to connect that it isn’t anything friendly, barely missing her, for him to decide enough is enough.

Harry centres himself and pulls at his magic. He aims his wand at the ground beneath his feet and chants until small spikes start erupting around them like saplings from the cobblestone. He doesn’t stop until they grow taller and taller until they tower over every head and every thatched roof, and until all the ruined pathways around Diagon Alley have become impractical and claustrophobic.

Startled cries come from every direction; Harry thinks he hears bones snapping from those who can’t thread the needle before the spikes grow too close, like a dense forest. No one is spared of his sudden anger…

…no one except for Lily Potter, who stands in a small circle of safety. The spikes around her have curved inward, lending shelter. When Harry finally catches her gaze—oh no, oh no, oh no—he finds that her arms are raised. Almost like Harry’s a robber, and this is all just some kind of hold-up. He feels the urge to laugh die as quickly as it comes.

Not a soul moves, but Harry isn’t one for inaction. He lifts his wand and casts a sonorus; he speaks, “If you are a follower of-“ Harry mindfully avoids His name, unaware if the taboo has been enacted, “the Dark Lord, I believe you’ve caused well enough damage today. Leave.”

It’s silent for a long moment. And then, suddenly, the sharp snap of the anti-apparition wards shattering is all Harry hears. He can almost feel the rain of its magic falling down all around them, preceding the sounds of loud pop-pop-pops from the Death Eaters tucking tails and running away.

Harry is a little shocked that simply demanding they leave works. Then again, turning all of Diagon Alley’s streets into some giant’s version of an Iron Maiden in the heat of his anger is probably something to be wary of. When the last pop fades, and all is quiet once more, Harry transfigures the cobblestones back. Once again, marvelling at the easy control with his holly wand.

It dawns on Harry, now that the battle is cleared up as best as he can manage, that he has no way of returning to his time and nothing to immediately keep that thought from taking hold and consuming him whole. He stands, mind racing and paralysed, as multiple hesitant thanks, thank you so much, you saved us, are whispered his way. And he could really do without the reminder of how irreparably fucked he’s just made the timeline, but, you’re welcome, he supposes.

Then, through the whirlwind of his breakdown, he feels two gentle hands on his arms, pulling him out of the dark and into the eye of the storm.

“Excuse me?” Harry looks up at green, sage and fresh like a vegetable garden, like summer’s grass on a quidditch field, like sprigs of thyme on a holiday roast surrounded by family; he looks up at the eyes of Lily Potter and startles at the sound of her voice.

Is this what she really sounds like? Harry remembers her voice clear as day from—well, it’s nothing he wants to think about now. But he doesn’t remember it sounding like this. So bright and so…

“So young…” Harry mindlessly replies. And Lily Potter’s answering frown is enough to leave him sorry for the rest of his miserable life.

She turns her careful attention to Harry’s bleeding shoulder, and he finally realises she’s trying to heal him. He doesn’t mention that he isn’t too worried about it and that the gash on his ribs is way worse because she starts speaking again, and all Harry wants to do is shut up and listen to her voice forever.

“Speak for yourself, firecracker,” she says. “You look about my age and handled yourself better than any of these Aurors.”

Firecracker? Harry mutters soundlessly. He’s bewildered at the idea of his mother giving him a nickname like that, his mother giving him a nickname at all. Something screaming and rotting and twisting in his soul mourns the loss of it until now.

“This doesn’t look as bad as I’d thought. Do you feel any intense pain? Any sharp shooting down your arm or back?” She asks.

Harry shakes his head slowly and in a daze. She hums, doubting, “Well, even if it doesn’t hurt too badly, let’s get you to St Mungo’s and patch you up—“

Harry steps back and out of her gentle hands, shaking his head with much more clarity. “No. No doctors. I can heal it myself well enough.”

Lily’s eyes widen, and something on his face must scream that he’s planning on making his great escape—it doesn’t matter where as long as it isn’t here in front of her of all people—because she suddenly grabs his wrist tight enough to bruise. “Wait! I’ll listen! I won’t force you to see a healer, but please,” she grips him even tighter, “we haven’t had a… a victory like this… in a long, long time.”

Her eyes pry into him; they search and search, and she must find something because she steadies her panic and softly demands that he - “Don’t go.”

Harry can only stare, horrified, at his own mother standing before him, young and alive and begging him not to go.

He’s saved from answering as they’re interrupted by a loud shout, “LILY!”

A man full-on tackles Lily Potter with force strong enough to pull Harry with them, but madly, all Harry can think is that - Mum has quite the grip.

And now that he’s so close, Harry quickly deduces that the new link to their growing chain is none other than James Potter.

Harry’s eyes blink slowly; a bone-weary exhaustion takes staunch hold of him as he listens to his father ask after his mother’s well-being. Finally, Lily speaks over him firm and unyielding, “James. I am fine. Where on earth have you been?”

“I was dealing with some Death Eaters towards the mouth of Knockturn—but that doesn’t matter! What matters is that you promised to stay by me, and in less than two shakes of a fairy’s wings, you were nowhere to be seen.”

Lily scoffs, “I cannot believe you are blaming me right now when you are clearly the one who wandered off first! We agreed to stay near the centre, and, oh wow! Would you look at that? That’s exactly where you found me, isn’t it?”

Harry cannot believe he’s watching his parents have their first domestic argument, and he isn’t even technically born yet. This is cruel and unusual. Wait, are they even married?

“Okay. Agree to disagree,” James nods. Lily’s got that look on her face that Hermione sometimes gets with Ron, like he’d better say the right thing in the next four seconds, or he’ll get a nasty left hook to the face. Harry feels his stomach drop right out of him at the thought of never seeing Ron and Hermione ever again. Oh god. And then, James continues, “We are both at fault.”

James’ eyes stray towards Harry, looking long and hard at his face. He finds Lily’s tight grip next and asks, “Who’s tall, pale, and ready to be sick standing beside you here?”

“What?” Lily asks, and her eyes fall on Harry, too. Her mouth parts in a horror Harry feels immensely. “Oh my god! I’m so sorry; I promise I didn’t forget about you. It’s just that James is so distracting, and oh merlin, I haven’t even introduced myself—“

“Lily, take a deep breath. And maybe let the man go?”

“James, you have no idea what happened. But you would if you’d have been here.”

Harry clears his throat, “Um,” James and Lily both turn and give him their full attention. Oh, that’s awful. How does Harry simultaneously feel like the youngest and oldest person here? He’s clueless about what to say next but settles on, “Um… I’m Harry.”

“Harry,” James and Lily say it together. Perfect unison. Lily’s eyes are wide, but her smile is wider, and James looks extremely confused and nearly half as put out. His brows furrow until they almost touch, and he comments, “My grandfather’s name was Harry.” He frowns and corrects himself, “Well, his name was Henry, but we all called him Harry.”

Oh. Should Harry have given them a fake name?

“James…” Lily murmurs. She isn’t quiet enough for Harry to miss her following words, “He looks a bit like he could be your brother, doesn’t he? Even a bit like Charlus?” James silently and slowly nods, his eyes still locked on Harry.

“What did you say your surname was again, Harry?” James asks with all the subtlety of a hippogriff, like he’s trying to be slick.

And Harry, no stranger to risky bets, replies, “I didn’t. But it’s Potter. Harry Potter.”

The silence that follows is the loudest he’s heard yet. Wasn’t he nearly deaf earlier?

Until—“Lily. You got a good grip on him, yeah?” James asks.

“Of course,” she nods like it’s the most obvious thing in the world.

James grins. “Hold on tighter, then.”

The sudden gathering of magic in the air has Harry’s hair standing on end. He knows what’s coming but doesn’t truly process it until he catches sight of James’ wand out, and by then, it’s too late.

They apparate out of Diagon Alley.

#eventual #harrymort #tomarrymort #tomarry #pov: harry #my fic #4.2k words #yeah - i added a thousand whole words to this #unnamed fic #surprise again #it's time travel and the first wizarding world - two of my favourite vices (still)#i told you this might change drastically and no one believed me #i didn't give this a final glance before posting so if there are any mistakes - no there aren't 😭

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drinkyourvillainjuice · 10 months ago

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ok sure world building questions here's a few softball ones,

You said Alderbrook wasn't the big leagues, are heroes/villains in bigger ponds much more directly powerful or just more more skillful?

How often is it that someone gets a power that's all downsides?

You said the adVenture crew was in a different town, more or less dangerous than Alderbrook?

Since there are superpowers does the supernatural, or even magic also exist?

Are augments used to treat physical disabilities?

Does the government regulate augments?

Did superpowers change how wars are fought?

Did 9/11 still happen?

Big Leagues -

It's a combination of strength, skill, and MO. Almost nobody in Alderbrook can, say, knock down buildings or effortlessly destroy a semi truck. Even some of those that can have limitations: Arcade's lasers can be very powerful, but realistically he doesn't get time in combat to charge them up all the way.

While the overall mask population of Alderbrook is a bit higher than average, there are few independent heroes and villains in town and those mostly have relatively minor powers.

Of the villainous gangs, the Businessmen keep a low profile and are focused on profits, not trying to take the town over. The Shreds are dangerous, but disorganised and generally kind of shit at strategy. S.C.U.M have a bit of a 'smalltime' mentality: they're rarely making shows of force (and are still recovering from their losses in the Zone)

To take another example, a guy like Scour is in theory really dangerous: he turns into a sandstorm, and that's destructive over a wide area and difficult to combat. However, he isn't interested in being that kind of a problem, he's content being a heavy with a cushy job that pays well for little effort.

The Zone incident basically put Alderbrook on the mask map. It wasn't drawing too many eyes before then.

Except from Hypothesis, apparently.

All-downside powers? -

No, every power has at least some use. They might suck on a day to day basis and have nasty side effects, but nobody's power say, explodes their own ribcage and nothing else.

AdVenture's hometown -

FAR less dangerous than Alderbrook. No villainous gangs, little parahuman activity, a teeny DPR hero team with barely an office. Alderbrook isn't big leagues, but AdVenture's hometown isn't even a blip.

The existence of supernatural, magic -

So I picture this debate morphing, in DYVJ, to "we can't attribute to the paranormal/magic what can be explained by parahuman powers!"

What I can say is that some power interactions (and powers in general) manifest very, very strangely, and where combinations form, one can begin to see effects difficult to explain when regarded purely with the lens of "what do power A and power B do?"

Augments to treat disability /Government regulation on augments -

Cybernetics can be used to aid people with disabilities, yes! There's a distinction - one I should really make more textual - between 'person with an advanced prosthetic' and 'an augment' in the setting. Someone's prosthetic hand isn't equivalent to a militarised bionic arm, you know?

The more potent a piece of cyberware gets, the more likely it is to be regulated, and higher grade pieces have maany hoops to jump through. Anything with an actual combat application is off limits: nobody's walking off the street and getting Enfilade's bolt launcher arm installed, for example.

In any case, if anyone's getting enough cybernetics packed into them to be deemed an augment, it's either with the government's knowledge or completely illicit.

Superpowers and warfare -

Yes, parahumans changed warfare. Kind of a weird tradeoff between, in the long term, probably resulting in less hot conflict, but only because individuals could be so destructive to regular soldiers.

But yeah, I think countries are probably at war less simply cause... if your elite parahumans all got killed in action, who's stopping the villains back home?

Did 9/11 happen?

No.

#drink your villain juice #ask #world building

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rock-and-compass · 5 months ago

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Angel Season 5 - Episode 20 – The Girl in Question

(I wrote this series of essays many years ago, probably around the time that the season 8 comics were being published. The were originally published on my LiveJournal and I'm re-posting them here, mostly for personal archival purposes. This essay refers to the events of the season 8 comics and poses a theory that was later proved incorrect, but I still feel it's a valid interpretation.)

The Girl in Question is an odd episode; it's one of those polarising affairs that the invested Buffyverse devotee either loves or loathes. Loved because it is a humorous (bordering on slapstick) rollick that concentrates on Angel and Spike’s relationship, and the particular bone of contention that exists between them. Loathed because:

during the episode both our souled vampire heroes are made to look foolish on more than one occasion,

it can be interpreted as poking gentle fun at the fandom,

it dared to show that Buffy was involved with a character called ‘the Immortal’, and had therefore ‘moved on’ from both Spike and Angel – a decision destined to upset and alienate the shippers of both camps and,

Perhaps most contentiously, the fact that only three episodes from the end we didn’t get Angel and Co. formulating a plan and plotting an escape from the clutches of evil incorporated, no, we got… this.

And of course, this episode is even more contentious in that it presents information that, although contextual at the time of original airing, has since been altered significantly with the publication of the canon (but far from perfect) Buffy the Vampire Slayer season eight comic. In Buffy the Vampire Slayer #1 – The Long Way Home (part 1, Dark Horse Publishing 2007) Buffy explains:

“The thing about changing the world…Once you do it, the world’s all different. Everybody calls me “ma’am” these days. There used to be one slayer in all the world, eighteen-hundred now, that we’ve counted; almost five hundred working with us in ten separate squads. There’s even three of me. The guys figured I was a target, set up two other slayers to be me. One’s underground. Literally. One’s in Rome, partying very publicly – and supposedly dating some guy called ‘The Immortal’. That part was Andrew’s idea. He did the research on the guy, said it would be hilarious for some reason.”

But funnily enough, the retroactive continuity works. It actually adds to the poignancy of the story. What was originally, for the most part, a humorous piece of fluff is now a tale of decoys, of imitations of particular women and the impact they have on the men who love the original article.

Wesley, Illyria and Fred

The supporting story in this episode concerns Wesley, Illyria and their particular ‘girl in question’, Fred. She, her physical form and lingering remnants of retained memories are the glue that bonds Wesley to the hell god. As we pick up their story Illyria is still coming to terms with the loss of a substantial portion of her powers. She can no longer ‘hear the song of the green’ or alter time selectively. Her strength is reduced but she remains super-powered. She feels defeated and fears that Wesley revels in her downfall. He doesn’t, but she considers it a fate worse than death:

Illyria: Condemned to live out existence in a vessel incapable of sustaining my true glory. How am I to function with such limitations?

Wesley is cautious with her, sensitive to her feelings, sympathetic even. He suggests that she return to the lab for more testing. It’s almost like he wants to help her adapt to the change in her circumstances, to make sure this will not be the end of her. She goes, she says, because it suits her not because she is bending to the will of others; one suspects that Wesley’s will carries a teensy bit of sway with Illyria after all.

Almost as soon as she’s left the lobby the elevator pings. Mr. and Mrs. Burkle, Fred’s parents, step out from the lift, happy as Larry and none the wiser as to the death of their daughter, just dropping by to say howdy to her on their way to Hawaii. Seems no one told the Burkle’s that Fred was dead. Fred specifically asked Wesley to tell her parents that she was brave to the last (A5.15). But in his depth of despair Wesley seems to have forgotten this request to inform those that loved her too. The searing pain of loss and the distraction of Illyria have gotten in the way. Still, it seems kinda irresponsible…

Wesley takes them into his office to correct the gross omission of information, to break the horrible news that there’s something they need to know…

Before the sentence can be completed ‘Fred’ bounces into the office full of glee to see good old Mum and Dad. The Burkle’s call her a sight for sore eyes. Wesley, completely incredulous at her arrival, can only silently agree.

Trish and Roger Burkle, Wesley and ‘Fred’ go to the lab. Roger is impressed with the change in fortunes of Angel Investigations and the obvious success Fred has achieved in her career. Trish is more interested in the personal; she gently teases Wesley about his love life and chides her daughter for apparently not noticing such a handsome, intelligent gentleman when he’s hiding in plain sight. It’s painful. It pains Wesley to be reminded of what he’s lost. The pain makes him angry. While the Burkle’s are busy looking about he challenges Illyria on her actions. She replies:

Illyria: Your grief hangs off you like rotted flesh. I couldn’t tolerate it from them as well. I thought it would be more convenient.

Convenient, sure, as a short term solution…but it only puts off the inevitable for another painful day. Wesley, however, is stunned to learn that the change of appearance is an easy task for Illyria, nothing but a simple modulation of her form. She appears as she chooses. She asks if Wesley wants her to stop the deception. He declines and allows the lie to continue. It’s easier this way. It would be too hard, too complicated to tell them now.

After a mercifully short visit it’s time for Roger and Trish to leave. Illyria plays the parting perfectly with believable assurances of love and demonstrations of affection. For that moment Illyria is indistinguishable from Fred. But as soon as the elevator doors close on the Burkle’s the warm sparkle of Fred evaporates into nothing leaving only the cold calculation of Illyria in its place.

Wesley: Did you get what you needed from that experience?

Illyria: Yes. It was most Informative.

Wesley: Good, don’t ever do it again.

Wesley stalks off. Illyria glares; she doesn’t like orders. It is all too much for Wesley. He may have needed to have Illyria around, as a talisman to Fred, a tangible remnant of the woman he loves but having her be Fred is a step too far. It’s confusing, it’s a tease. She has the ability to look and act exactly like Fred – only she’s not, she’s a pretend Fred that only serves to remind him of what he’s lost and what he can never get back.

Wesley may have had enough but Illyria is not finished with her experiment. She pops her head around Wesley’s office door and affects her Fred persona asking innocently if he is mad with her or something.

Wesley: Stop It!

Illyria: Isn’t it what you desire

“Fred”: I mean….you love me, I love you. What’s the big deal?

Wesley: I loved Her

Illyria: You loved this. And part of you still does. I can feel it in you. I….wish to explore it further

Wesley: Never you…like this. It sickens me.

“Fred”: Oh Lord, we know that ain’t true.

Illyria may have had her abilities diminished but she can still wound in the most profound way. She does not fully appreciate human feelings and the difference between physical and emotional attraction. She expresses her desire to learn more about the human species and the way they interrelate in a cool, detached, calculated way. For Illyria, exploring physical attraction is merely a lesson, something to pursue out of scientific-like interest in order to expand her bank of knowledge. But for Wesley it is awful, it is an uncomfortable reminder that, despite his protestations, he does still desire and love the physical form of Fred, even when it’s Illyria driving the body. It’s the reason Angel was so concerned about the level of his interest, the amount of time devoted to Illyria after she consumed Fred. But while this is true, that physically, interest is there, Wesley also realises that Illyria is not Fred. She lacks the special something….she’s missing the essence of Fred that made Fred Fred. Illyria may be Illyria, hell god and lord of the primordium but she will always only ever be a very pale imitation of the really-real Winifred Burkle.

Angel, Spike and Buffy

As heart-rending as Wesley’s and Illyria’s story is, this episode is all Angel and Spike.

Gunn has an important mission for Angel. The head of a powerful demon clan has died while in Italy on business. It is vital for harmonious demon relations that the remains be collected so that particular rituals can be performed by the family of the deceased. Angel is not keen; he has other things on his mind. He volunteers Spike’s services for the job. Spike’s not keen either; he doesn’t want to be a glorified garbage collector. Gunn is insistent, someone has to go.

Gunn: If the Capo’s body isn’t returned in time the rituals won’t take. So long Capo. Hello power vacuum

Angel: Which the rival clans will try to fill.

Resulting in something akin to demon civil war? It’s interesting to keep this little scenario in mind in the light of the events yet to unfold in the final two episodes of the series. It provides the inspiration for Angel’s big ‘get out of Wolfram and Hart’ plan. (…Who said this episode wasn’t important in the bigger scheme of things?)

The deliberations over who will go to Italy are interrupted by a phone call. It is a report that Buffy, Spike and Angel’s particular ‘girl in question’, is in trouble. An old foe from their past, enigmatically entitled ‘The Immortal’, is causing problems. Suddenly the ambivalence is replaced by purposeful action. Neither can get to Rome fast enough; it’s handy that both remains of the Capo and the apparently imperilled Slayer are both in the Italian capital. Neither Spike nor Angel will let the other go without them. They fear the same thing – that the other will save the day, be the hero and ride off into the sunset (or, should that be moonlight?) with the girl.

Once in Rome their first priority is not the retrieval of very important demon remains but Buffy. They go to her apartment and are met by Andrew (who is staying there due to a questionable ‘cultural misunderstanding’). He tells them that Buffy is not so much in danger from the Immortal but rather, is dating him.

The boys are visibly shaken. This is not what they want to hear. They have a shared history with this mysterious fiend and it is not happy news that he is shacked-up with their girl. This personal setback is fortuitous in that it reminds them of their duty. They finally make the effort to retrieve the Capo’s body, or to be more accurate, his head. Then not content to leave things be, they begin a madcap cat and mouse chase with ‘their girl’ and other parties with an invested interest in keeping the demon head out of Los Angeles. Trouble is, their quarry doesn’t even know she is under pursuit and their fixation on her makes them easy prey for their mafia-like competitors for the Capo’s head. What follows is a round-a-bout adventure that sees them track Buffy to a local dance club in which they lose the head, get involved in a pub brawl and then a car (well, moped) chase, visit Wolfram and Hart’s Roman office, and get caught in an explosion, returning to Buffy’s apartment to be given life advice by Andrew (of all people) before finally going back to LA without ever seeing the object of their desires or actually retrieving the all-important demon head. Phew, that was a long way to go for absolutely nothing.

So who (or what) is this ‘Immortal’ guy anyway?

Who is this benevolent, giant among men, this titan straddling good and evil? This spiritual, safe-passage-for-nuns-providing, wildcard, lone wolf, stallion without a bridle who serves no master but his own (considerable, and glowing inducing) desires? This inspirational, life-changing book-writing, Mount-Everest-climbing, Capo-head-returning, magic-abhorring, snuggle-loving, disco-dancing centuries old guy who may or may not be evil?

Well, whatever he is, he’s quite the man…

Of course, our boys aren’t that rapt in him; they describe him as ‘the foulest evil ever vomited forth from hell’. He is their worst nightmare incarnate and his involvement with Buffy is the ghastly icing on the horrible cake. But, curiously, they are in the minority. Everyone and everything we hear about the illustrious Immortal effuses admiration and awe. But the boys have their reasons to go against the general consensus; their dislike of the Immortal is not a new thing. They have a history with him that has included interference in Angelus’ plans to slaughter a convent of nuns, ordering them out of Rome and in 1894, having the boys imprisoned while he had his way with Darla and Drusilla (concurrently, not successively) and at a later, unspecified time, he was responsible for having Spike imprisoned for tax evasion (it’s a long story, apparently). But through all this the Immortal treats Angelus and Spike as if they are beneath his notice. While Angelus classes the Immortal as his arch-nemesis, his Excellency, the Immortal doesn’t acknowledge his call for ‘blood vengeance’; they are not even on his list.

But as Andrew says, he’s cool and all but he ain’t all that; at the end of the day The Immortal is merely a device, a tool. He’s a magnificent puppet endowed with a range of overblown virtues, characteristics and skills. He’s got the good/bad ambiguity down pat, he helps the helpless, he’s a demon in the sack and he gets the girl(s). He’s Angel and Spike only bigger. Anything they can do; he can do better…. but, as a character, eh, not that interesting. But then he’s not supposed to be. His function in the story is to act as a unifying force for Spike and Angel. They may have had their differences; they might each envy and begrudge the relationship the other had with Buffy, they irritate the hell out of each other, they are reluctant allies, but their hate of The Immortal unites them, even when it concerns their ‘girl in question’. It’s a positive development and one full of hope and promise. If they can unite on this, a situation where they still view the other as a rival, imagine what they might achieve, together, in a cause they both believed in.

The boys and the ‘Buffy’

So, we have Angel and Spike working together for a common purpose. It’s actually not so unusual though, we’ve seen this before; in fact, at this stage of the season it’s quite the norm. They may not always get on, still insist that they don’t like each other but they do work together very effectively. We see that they have a history of it. The flashbacks show us a time when Angelus and Spike were friends, teammates – family. They admired each other, backed each other to the hilt. So, really, in the scheme of things, the recent antagonism that has developed between them is, in reality, the more unusual expression of their connection. It is more typical for them to be affable and cooperative. What we are seeing in the contemporary relationship between the two vampires is a period of readjustment. While they were badass vampires together it was mostly smooth sailing; they got along fine (once Spike learnt the rules and understood that Angelus was the Alpha). Spike was quite delighted to see the old Grand Sire when they crossed paths for the first time in ages in School Hard (B2.04). As far as Spike knew, Angelus was still his same evil self, so, despite decades of separation, he was still happy to greet his old comrade. The water gets chopped up by a number of factors; a soul, the burden of guilt and seeing his old vampire family as reminders of what he once was on one side and feelings of abandonment and bitterness and disappointment at a mentor’s defection to the enemy side on the other. Oh, and then Angelus makes a return visit and then the sailing gets really messed up. Only then, the girl in question was Drusilla. When Daddy came home temporarily, Dru forgot all about her sweet William and only had eyes for Angelus. And that’s when hate was born; Spike hated it and soon learnt to hate Angelus too. Only love turned bitter can bear such enmity. But that is in the past. Now they are both good guys – surely now they should get on? Well, that’s why this is a period of readjustment; after sailing on a maelstrom of hate for a while, naturally, the boat takes some time to stop rocking dangerously and that’s what they’re working towards now. Only one trouble spot remains….

Buffy.

Both have loved her; both have been loved by her. Both envy something about the other's relationship with her; it is she who (unwittingly) continues to create waves.

Angel and Buffy’s love was the epitome of tragic romance. Even though the obstacles to their relationship couldn’t be surmounted and Angel eventually left Buffy in search of personal purpose, the hope for a future together refuses to be extinguished with any permanence. Angel may have had relationships with other women, loved Cordelia, but Buffy remained his idealised love, the reward at the end of the rainbow….

Buffy and Spike’s relationship was something completely different. It changed, it transformed; it metamorphosed from one thing into another where the only thing that remained constant is its very existence. From enemies to lovers to intimate friends, Buffy and Spike run the full spectrum. He died for not only the world, but for her – so that she might live. And even though he still loves her, like Angel, he’s searching for purpose apart from her.

And Spike always knew that Angel had a place in Buffy’s heart that couldn’t be touched while Angel was staggered to find that Buffy and Spike had a relationship at all, especially one that warranted the bestowal of the amulet and the title of ‘champion’. And the fact that they had lots and lots of sex seems to be something of a sore spot too…

But they’re working together to save her from The Immortal, at least that’s the plan….except she doesn’t need saving. The Immortal is her latest fling; she is the Immortal’s new ragazza. The news turns their world upside down and suddenly, when it comes to Buffy, Angel and Spike are positioned on equal terms. Now they are both just ‘ex’s’ because she has moved on. So they collect the remains of the Capo but decide to stay on in Rome to check up on Buffy anyway. Had they left Rome, with the head, the more important mission would have been accomplished, easy. But they don’t. Figuratively and literally, they lose their head. The Capo’s head gets stolen, and they start running around like headless chickens after it and the Slayer.

The escapade is pretty pointless; in the end they are not responsible for the retrieval of the head, Buffy remains elusive, and they are made to look nothing short of foolish by The Immortal. But what they do achieve is a palpable sense of unity amongst the snark. So no, it doesn't give the viewer any closure on the Buffy-Angel, Buffy-Spike relationships, both remain as open-ended (and open to viewer interpretation as ever). Buffy isn’t there to give any input. But it does show us how far Spike and Angel have come over the course of the season. And looking into the dim, distant future, about the only near certainty that each of them has, is the other.

And what’s with Andrew?

Andrew is quite an interesting choice to take the role of provider of guidance for Angel and Spike. We know he works for Buffy’s organisation so it is not beyond the realm of possibility that he should be staying with her in Rome; improbable maybe, but not impossible. It is Andrew who reveals that Buffy is not so much in danger from The Immortal, but rather is on snuggling terms with him, that she has ‘moved on’ with her life. It is he who advises our heroes to also ‘move on’ rather than keep chasing after the illusive Ms. Summers.

Andrew’s part was originally intended for the character of Dawn but Michelle Trachtenberg was unavailable for filming. Dawn living with and revealing personal information about Buffy life and feelings and giving advice to the vampires (particularly Spike, with whom she had a big brotherly/little sister type relationship) would have made much more logical sense but, interestingly, Andrew’s inclusion in the episode has allowed for alterations to be made to the story in hindsight. In season eight it is revealed that the Buffy we see very briefly, the Buffy the boys are trying to track down, this Immortal snuggling, night club dancing Buffy is not Buffy at all. She is actually a decoy designed to confuse Buffy’s enemies. Decoy Buffy is a Slayer, but one who has been specifically groomed to take on the ‘role’ of Buffy, be her proxy, her partying public face. (See Buffy the Vampire Slayer Season Eight #5 The Chain, Dark Horse Publishing, 2007 for more detail on the ‘underground’ Buffy decoy.) Had Dawn been on hand to greet Spike and Angel these changes in the story would have been more difficult to achieve. Andrew’s inclusion allowed Buffy’s history to be rewritten and also allowed for continued speculation as to whether Buffy knew Spike is alive or not. Dawn’s presence would have made it difficult, if not impossible to suppose that Buffy still doesn’t know the truth as was the case in Season Eight, at least up to #35 when Spike made his long awaited reappearance, although, interestingly, Andrew’s assertions that Buffy ‘loves them both’ also implies prior knowledge of Spike’s resurrection, which turned out to be the actual situation in #36.

After reading the comic we know that Andrew leads the unit of Rome-based slayers. We also know that the Buffy-double partying very publicly with The Immortal was his contribution to the decoy cover story. ‘He said it would be hilarious, for some reason’ Buffy explains in issue one of the comic and at the same time proclaims her ignorance as to why this might be so. She has no part in the deceptive tale designed specifically to not only protect herself but also to tease and piss off her ex-boyfriends. But the question is, when did Andrew come up with this ‘hilarious’ plan?

Supposition would suggest that while learning the craft of being a Watcher from Mr. Giles, Andrew has somehow uncovered a history of The Immortal (a figure of such magnitude in the demon world would undoubtedly be chronicled in Watcher texts) and has made the connection to Angelus and/or Spike and thus concocted the perfect cover story for the high-profile Buffy double. But was the story fabricated before or after Andrew’s trip to Los Angeles in Damage? It’s an interesting question. If the decoy was in place prior to his arrival in town to retrieve Dana then Spike was not a factor in the said potential hilarity of the plan because, until that point nobody in Buffy’s camp was aware of Spike’s return. This would mean that the unfortunate Angel is the sole intended target. It also calls into question the accuracy of the information given to Spike about Buffy’s whereabouts during the infamous dock scene that takes place during Damage. Would Andrew have told Spike the cover story or the truth? Did Buffy really spend time in Rome or was it always the decoy that Andrew spoke of:

Spike: So, uh...you heard from Buffy lately? Andrew: Yeah. Of course, uh...she's in Rome. Dawn's in school there. Italian school. Spike: Well. Rome, eh? Never pegged her for the expatriate show. Andrew: Yeah. She was rounding slayers up in Europe, decided she liked it there, I guess.

And conversely, would Andrew have kept Spike’s secret from Buffy as he was requested to do? If Andrew is loyal to Buffy as his leader then surely he would be honour-bound to pass on the news that Spike was alive and living in Los Angeles.

However, if the decoy was put in place post-Damage then both Angel and Spike are the objects of the ‘hilarious plan’. Which then begs the question why? Why would Andrew include his beloved Spike in a plot that can be construed (from Spike and Angel’s perspective) as malicious and devious? It goes well beyond merely providing a plausible cover story for the decoy Buffy, it also carries the intent to mess with the vampires on an intensely personal level. The comedic value in the cover story is certainly appreciable, and it is possible to imagine Andrew maybe wishing to tease Angel (with whom he has had a mild confrontation and who is mistrusted in the Slayer camp). But it is harder to imagine a possible reason for his taking a pot-shot at Spike. The Andrew we saw in Damage who ecstatically greeted the resurrected Spike, the Andrew who loves and admires the platinum vampire wouldn’t do that. Unless he’s incredibly duplicitous…in which case, it’s Buffy who should be watching her back…

I guess we’ll never know.

Winks, nods and not so subtle sniggers

“She’d never fall for a centuries-old guy with a dark past who may or may not be evil”

And if you hadn’t worked it out before, it’s pretty obvious after this line that this episode plays with the mythology of the Buffyverse and laughs, with undeniable affection, at it and the fans that follow it so devotedly. Much of Spike and Angel’s exchanges throughout the story mirror the ‘Angel versus Spike’ debates that inevitably (invariably) take place within the fan community. Take a stroll across the internet, choose a random board, or site and as sure as God made little apples you will find Spike versus Angel debates. These appear in many guises – who deserves the Shanshu? Who saved the World more often? Did Buffy really love Spike? Does Angel still love Buffy? But regardless of the question, the debate usually boils down to the same thing: Angel versus Spike. These debates can get fierce and nasty, usually because they are underpinned by ‘shippers who are deeply and emotionally invested in either the ‘Spuffy’ or ‘Bangel’ relationship. Sometimes it’s easy to forget they are all actually fans of the same text. But this episode takes a jovial swipe at such competitiveness, puts often used arguments into the boys own mouths and puts them on a level playing field. We are told, once and for all, that Buffy loves them both (although, admittedly, Andrew is not the most reliable informant of such information – as ‘shippers of one particular persuasion are only too eager to point out). Indeed, the notion that she holds both in affection was also touched upon in the season 8 comic with a panel of the throuple appearing in issue #3. So the subtle message to the fans delivered by this episode still stands; the infighting is silly. Angel and Spike may differ in many regards but in this you can be sure - both are heroes (although that in itself is increasingly debatable thanks to season 8), both are champions and both are held in high regard by Buffy. And indeed the character of The Immortal offers the feuding ‘shippers a parcel of common ground; they can be united in their dislike of him even if he does offend some by the in-tandem trivialisation of ‘Buffy & Angel 4 Eva” and Spike’s status as the best fuck she ever had.

What The Girl in Question does very well, three episodes from the end of the last filmed installments of the Buffyverse, is acknowledge the past without resorting to a cheesy clip episode showing remember when… This episode has so many subtle nods and winks to the past, many a mere word or phrase that connects to a range of Buffy or Angel moments and allows the viewer to say ‘remember when’ without needing to even see a snippet of film. Obviously, the biggest of these is the inclusion of ‘Buffy’ herself in the story. Even though she never actually appears, just the suggestion of Buffy reminds us of where this story began, what she means to both Angel and Spike and how far they have come because of the profound influence she has had on them. But that’s not all; homage is paid to previous ‘Big Bads’, to Spike’s early stalking of Buffy, Buffy’s tendency to be susceptible to love spells, Angel’s fear of dancing, Spike’s flirtatiousness, and of course, the infamous black duster to name but a few examples. The Girl in Question gives us a trip down memory lane but also looks to the future, shows us that Angel and Spike will work it out…eventually.

A small sidebar

Years ago, while writing these essays, I was reading the Season 8 comics as they were released. The identity of Twilight was a mystery and any mention, hint or shadow of Spike was frustratingly illusive. I developed a theory regarding the Girl in Question that I still stand by, even after Spike entered the story…

What if…. just what if … Spike already knew that the Buffy they were chasing in Rome was not the really real Buffy? Knowing the history of Spike and Buffy I just can’t fathom that he wouldn’t have called her after becoming corporeal again and having the sham of his supposed ‘destiny’ exposed. I get the fear, I get the uncertainty and I get the reluctance. I can sympathise with his desire to have Buffy remember him fondly and love him for his sacrifice. But I don’t buy the idea that this would ultimately stop him from contacting her. I just don’t. He said to Andrew in Damage that he would ‘take care’ of telling Buffy about his being alive. We know enough about Spike to be sure that he would do exactly what he says he will do. This is the bloke who, when realising that he loved Buffy felt compelled to tell her even though he knew it was hopeless. If he said he would “take care of it” that he would have. And, if he contacted her to tell her that he was alive then the truth of everything including her body doubles would have naturally been revealed; that is just Spike and Buffy. They talk and tell each other the truth. (Or Andrew would have told Buffy about seeing him in LA and she would have contacted him.) By the end of season seven Spike and Buffy shared an innate trust that would preclude lies and deception. Therefore, in my theory, Spike would have actually known that the ‘Buffy” they were chasing throughout The Girl in Question was not the genuine article. (and even if he didn't actually talk to Buffy yet, then he would have done the recon to know where she was - this is a guy who's hobby was tracking down slayers)

My theory is not without substance. There are a few things that happen in The Girl in Question that give it weight. First is Spike’s complete indifference to the prospect of going to Italy. As shown above, Andrew told Spike that Buffy was living in Rome, Angel then offers Spike the opportunity to go to Italy on assignment; one might expect a reaction to the fact that he would be in Buffy’s vicinity, or that there is an opportunity to see her again - excitement, restrained enthusiasm or conversely, perhaps reluctance or dread, either way – some kind of reaction. But we get none. All we see is total lack of interest in the assignment. Could this lack of interest derive from knowing that there is nothing and nobody in Italy that he’s remotely interested in seeing?

Spike only becomes interested in going to Rome when Angel says he is going. This is obviously because Buffy is now involved. Neither wants the other getting the jump on them where she is concerned. But what if Spike’s motives are not so much to see ‘Buffy’ but to stop Angel seeing her? In my theory Spike knows that the Buffy in Rome is a fake and suddenly Angel says he’s going to Rome because Buffy is in danger. Angel doesn’t know about the decoys – the slayer contingent doesn’t trust him because they don’t trust Wolfram and Hart. Yet if he goes charging off to Rome to ‘save’ Buffy then the decoy’s cover will be blown, putting the real Buffy in increased danger. So knowing that he’d never be able to stop Angel going to Rome, Spike accompanies him to intervene in any possible meetings; which we see him do. Spike is the one who charges onto the dance floor ready to confront ‘Buffy’ about her fling with The Immortal. What if this was not so much about intercepting Buffy as it was about warning a Buffy decoy? All this secret-keeping is very much in character too. Spike is very good at keeping his mouth shut. He withstood both Xander and Angel’s jibes about his relationship with Buffy without saying much in his own defence. Also, the soul, the removal of the chip, and even his return from the dead have all been kept to himself even when he could have used these things to further his own cause.

At no point does Spike ever comment on the prospect of seeing Buffy again. There’s no nerves, no anticipation, no awkwardness, no competitiveness… In fact, it’s the reverse. What we do see is a self-depreciating Spike who on more than one occasion plays down his own chances with Buffy. “Not that I thought I had a chance…” and “look, I know I don’t have a shot with her” he says in very uncharacteristic fashion. This is very unlike Spike who usually gets particularly ballsy when faced with insurmountable odds or particularly when it looks like Angel is going to get the better of him. To me, this smacks of the younger vampire playing good, subservient William, desperately trying not to push the old sire’s buttons and keep him sweet and unaware of the real situation. In this episode Spike is often the voice of reason. He tries valiantly to keep them on task with the demon head and on a number of occasions suggests it's time to go home rather than continue the pursuit of Buffy.

#angel season 5 #angel #spike #the girl in question #andrew #dawn #rock and compass watches angel season 5 #wild theory #buffy season 8

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twostepstyless · 1 year ago

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Okay bestie nel @lonelycowgirls got me inspired. Like her I’ve had 7 months of fun and living my best life and also a lot of change of leaving a job and starting a new one (which as an aside I’ve officially passed my probationary period, ya girlies employed employed in something she genuinely loves and wants to do) so I need to come back to myself and I’ve currently got the feeling that I’m not spending my time away from work as well as I could be. So here’s some goals and a lot of waffle to go alongside them for the next 5 months for me to shoot for!

1. Do some conscious, meaningful movement every day, whether that’s a hot girl walk, the slow running club I’m doing with some of my girlies, a swim, a class, cycle, yoga flow, a fucking skipping rope, anything, just meaningful movement. I’ve went from a fairly active job to a mostly inactive role and I am feeling the difference.

2. Stop dipping into my savings. My savings are in a fairly healthy manner and I’m good with my income but I’m getting awfully good at dipping a quick wee 30 quid here and another wee 50 quid there and I’m not helping myself by doing that.

3. Be creative for me again. I’ve been in the trenches of the most horrendous creative block I’ve suffered through since I finished art school during covid. By the end of the year I’d like to have done a few things just to feel that spark again. Those include but not limited or restricted to, finishing at least one painting, do at least one of the embroidery projects I want to do, write something for here?? I’m not even overly arsed about what I’m doing or the final outcome really, I just need to do something with my hands that isn’t for my job.

4. Develop more meaningful connections. This doesn’t have to be romantic, but fuck me I need to talk to more people or develop my relationships with the people I do talk to just now.

5. Get back into language learning. I have been trying to learn Italian well since I was probably about 16, I’m now 27 swiftly approaching 28 and I’m still not overly thrilled with my progress but I bloody enjoy doing it so why can’t I just commit to it. My relationship with Duolingo is frosty right now and I’d like to thaw that out!

6. Be consistent with what I’m putting in my body. Food is a hard topic for a lot of people myself included but I know I need to be more consistent with what I’m putting in my body. I hate the term cheat day but it’s the only phrase I can think of that describes the situation. I’m not a person who can have a “cheat day” because it spirals into cheat week cheat month cheat multiple months and then I just get fucked off with myself. I’m team “everything in moderation” but I need to get better at balancing the moderation bit. I don’t even mean only food as being consistent with what I’m putting in my body either. My water intake while I’m at work is 10/10 I knock that shit out of the park, the second I come home and over the weekend, you’d think I’d have never heard of water and then I feel shite cause I’ve actively dehydrated myself, so I’m actively trying to sort that out.

7. This one is so stupid lmao but I think there’s a lot of value in seemingly simple or easy goals to tick off. Get a new hairdresser. My current one loudly complains about cutting my hair because it’s so long and like girlie I’m paying you? So I’m over that and I want someone fresh to let at my locks

8. And the big one that’s been a goal all year but I’ve just not conquered yet. I’d like to make moves to conquer my driving anxiety. I feel like I’ve spoke about this briefly in the past. I am a good driver and I’m confident driving places I know. However, I am terrified of going anywhere outside that. It takes a lot of pushing myself to get on the motorway and once I’m on the motorway I’m fine. It’s coming off and going somewhere new where I don’t know exits etc or all of it really and I know in my heart of hearts I’ll be fine and can figure it out but I just can’t get myself over the fear to actively do it. So I’d love to make some good progress to tackle that before the year is up.

#I’d love to hear anyone else’s goals whether they’re big goals or wee silly ones!#hoping posting this will help me hold myself to account

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thessalian · 1 year ago

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Thess vs Multi-Layer Problems

I mean, obviously I love hunting unfeasibly big robot creatures. But a lot of what I love about this game is the little things, and how even a "we're going on a hunt" side quest has ... layers. Not that I started out on hitting a side quest, but ... you know. Limited time, given that I have work in a bit.

Alrighty. Lemme just travel down this coastline hunting up gulls. I need gull feathers.

Well. Lemme get the Clawstriders out of my way first.

And the Snapmaws.

This has been a pretty successful little hunt. I bet that settlement has a workbench.

Tide's Reach, huh? I bet-- Ah, yeah, there's the green exclamation point. But they do have a workbench.

And a hunter kit trader. I can dump some vendor trash!

...You have FROSTCLAW WEBBING! GIMME!

Oooooooh, Utaru Gravesinger armour. Even if I don't necessarily use it, I love the look of it.

(I might use it anyway, though).

Aha! Upgrade 4 for my current armour! And now I just neeeeed ... a ... Frostclaw circulator. Still going to have to hunt one of those little buggers. And Stormclaw bits. Well, at least I know where a few of those hang out.

Okay, now we see about quest. Hey, guys; s'up?

...Oh.

.........Ooooh. Yeah, I have a feeling I know what's up with Garokkah, but a) I doubt Aloy knows and b) that's probably bad in a society that kills the disabled.

Right. I actually set up a shelter near where he was last seen. Good. Saves me the walk.

Okay, Garokkah, where'd you go? ...Oh. Wow. That ... is a lot of traps.

That ... do sod all damage. Why did you use acid traps on Acid Clawstriders?!?

Oh well. Let's save this poor dude. POONK.

You're trying to save ... your squad? From ... an ambush. And ... you don't recognise the term "rebels". And ... you brushed off having stabbed your daughter. And ... yeah, okay, I do know what this is.

...Oh. Ouch. I want to hug this poor dude.

Yes, we will definitely put your memorial back together. I would bet--

Yep. Clamberjaws. FUCK OFF, YOU THIEVING LITTLE MECHANICAL FUCKWITS.

Right. Please don't tell me that you're going to kill yourself to avoid being a burden to your clan (or to do it yourself rather than forcing them to) if I leave you here...

Okay, no. Good. And ... they know about this. And have things in place to deal with it.

See, this is the sort of thing that really makes one think. Because, like they said, in the Tenakth, before Hekkaro and the clans uniting and the Carja raids, life expectancy was minimal. They noticed Alzheimer's in Chaplains because they didn't tend to die in battle, so they thought it was only for Chaplains, and now they're learning different.

Also ... killing the mentally ill ... I guess it depends on the illness. People like Boomer probably not so much, but ... consider. Everything wants you dead - machines, other tribes, the Carja... And then you have someone who's been training for war all their lives, so they're strong and have access to weapons, and if they start getting violent in their own settlements and squads... It's a horrible solution, but without mental health care facilities, what choice do they have? At least now that things are at least slightly more peaceful, they seem to have the leisure to explore more options.

Right. That's settled. Lemme take down a Frostclaw.

Ooh. Rumour. ...Rebel bases. Yeah, I hear you.

Gliiiiiiding down to get that shelter...

Okay, off I go. Huh. What's this?

That ... is a drone. No time now, but I know what I'm doing later.

Right. Hi, Frostclaw! ...Bye, Frostclaw. POONK.

Okay, got my circulator. Gotta hunt some Stormbird at some point. But now I gotta log off for work.

Really looking forward to very long weekend. Mostly because I'm having that "feel like I'm being stabbed" feeling in my left shoulder blade. This is going to be a hard day.

#Thess plays video games #Thess liveblogs Horizon Forbidden West

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randomestfandoms-ocs · 1 year ago

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Sinday asks 2, 3, 10, 14, 22, 26, 39 & 44 for Cosette

Sinday 2

2. What’s the most amount of sex you’ve had in one night?

She’s probably lost count. If she’s defining it in terms of partners, probably around 6-7, if she’s defining it as number of orgasms, she definitely isn’t sure because she’s had a lot of nights with orgasms blending together, if she’s defining it as different positions or acts (regardless of orgasms), probably 9-10

3. Do you have a type? What is it?

She doesn’t really. She mostly sleeps with men and is really into guys with big dicks, but she’s very queer and her experiences when she has slept with women have generally been mind blowing, she *thinks* her type is dominant & powerful & a little bit mean but slowly realizes that that’s not entirely the case, soft and sweet can be just as good and she definitely discovers that she enjoys being dominant just as much as she enjoys submitting

10. What’s a part of the body you really love and why?

I mean she loves dicks and she’s absolutely unapologetic about that (same with boobs and asses) but hands and arms do so much for her. The forearm scene int he first season of bridgerton, she’d probably cum untouched watching someone roll their sleeves up if their arms looked like that, she gets very horny watching people’s hands and imagining them on/in her.

14. What’s something you love about sexting?

She loves the tease. She loves being able to say something really hot or completely shocking and then just stop replying, teasing the recipient with anticipation, giving just a little bit and then pulling away, waiting long enough that her partner isn’t expecting anything more before she sends something else, almost a mental sort of edging She’d also eventually come to like it as a form of broaching new kinks/ideas, being able to bring something up but there not being immediate pressure to respond. She’d do it to bring something up for a partner but then give them time to think about it before anything more happens, and she’d like a partner doing that to her for the same reason – especially with her fucked up history with sex, having time to think about something and process it fully *before* having a face-to-face conversation can really help give her the time to figure out her feelings before talking about it, where sometimes in person she feels pressured to have an answer in the moment But mostly she likes being able to tease her partner even when she isn’t near them

22. What’s the age range of people you’d sleep with (oldest/youngest)?

Youngest would be about her age, maybe a year younger at most, there definitely isn’t an oldest (listen, she may have settled on Gaston but Cosette had her eye on Hades first and he’s thousands of years old, the limit does not exist)

26. Favorite lingerie to see other people wear?

She’s into most things. She’s had very very few partners wear any type of lingerie (there’s not much on the isle outside of what she makes, and sometimes she’ll sell some for extra money or favours, and the three people she’s with in Auradon aren’t really lingerie guys) so she doesn’t totally know the specifics, but just the idea of a partner wearing something special for her would do a lot for her. She especially likes anything sheer because of the way that it frames the body, but most of her opinions on lingerie are more about herself

39. Thoughts on begging?

Yes. Regardless of whether she’s begging or a partner is, she’s always so into it. She loves it, she thinks it’s one of the hottest possible things in sex, she gets a total power trip from a partner begging and she is wonderful at begging (she finds it very fun and also really enjoys the way her words can affect her partner)

44. Ever had bad sex?

So often. Sometimes deeply traumatic, sometimes just lacklustre or her partner didn’t know how to please her (I think I already know a few of each of those experiences now)

#ask #answered #cecexwrites #cosette bellefleur #about cosette #minors dni

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thryth-gaming · 2 months ago

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Playing Women and Gender Identity

This really isn't much about gaming, but I'll put it here anyway.

So, I've been playing female characters since high school in the 90s when I looked around the room one day and realized that none of us were playing women and that was leaving a good chunk of interesting character types untouched. It is very rare for me to play a male character unless I'm the GM, I think the last time I did so was around 2014 or 2015 for a Feng Shui one-shot. When I write, most of the characters are women as well.

At one point in my life I did a bit of self-analysis to figure out (read justify) how I came to this. I pointed to the moment above and I pointed to the first writing community whose members gave me a lot of advice was mostly populated by women and was focused around a fandom whose main character was a woman. Currently, I just tend not to feel comfortable playing male characters long-term in the same way as women characters. I'm old enough now that "I don't wanna play a guy" should be plenty of reason without needing to explain it.

Over the last 30 years, out of a gaming career approaching 40 years in length, this preference has exposed me to a lot of things that I wish I could just bleach out of my memories. Exactly what varied based on whether I was gaming face to face or digitally. (something I first did in the early to mid 90s and has been an increasingly dominant presence in my gaming life since then) This includes harassment, having my agency over my characters actions taken away, stalking (fortunately online only so ended when I left that forum and community), having people remake my characters, and a few other things.

The majority of that took place between 1995 and 2010. After that, I had learned that bad game is absolutely worse than no game. Thankfully, I also found some gamers I felt safe and comfortable around, most of whom I still game with today. One of those groups I only stopped gaming with because by the time the lockdowns ended, my schedule had changed so much that it was hard for me to fit with them, And most of them are not the digital gaming types. I do still miss them despite being in the same city as them.

-------

To be clear, I've had bad experiences but they are not comparable to what women in gaming have to deal with on the regular.

-------

This has resulted in my gender identity being questioned more than once. Sometimes joking, often rudely, and a few times respectfully and broaching the possibility of being transgender.

I do find a lot of male-targeted marketing to range from nonsensical to outright repulsive. And this translates to pretty much anything that could be labeled as "boys will be boys". These days, I can pretty much just generalize it as saying toxic masculinity has always repulsed me and felt just icky and wrong. Given how much of that is sex focused and the fact that I'm asexual and aromantic, that might be part of it as well. It might be fair to say that the prevalence of toxic masculinity in male characters in fiction might also be why I am still uncomfortable in playing male characters.

Now, despite this, I do not find being male wrong really. It's not something I think about unless the subject comes up. If anything, I feel like it's limiting, if that makes sense. If I were a shapeshifter, I absolutely would be experimenting with all sorts of different shapes and genders to see how it feels. When I feel uncomfortable in my body it is a consequence of my being in abhorrently poor health and able to remember a time when I was somewhat athletic.

I'm not really fluid either. There's never a time when I feel like my body is the wrong shape. So, it's not like sometimes I feel like woman and sometimes a man. Gender identity is just not something that comes to mind unless someone puts the question to me. I think the closest I can think of is probably the term "Gender Casual" that's been used to describe Elliot Dunkel in El Goonish Shive.

But again, I don't know if I'd actually be comfortable with a shape other than this one. I just know that I'm fascinated by shapeshifting and the idea being not limited to just the single body-shape. It's very possible that in the impossible case that I somehow am granted shapeshifting abilities that I end up not liking them and just sticking to one form (definitely one with less fat and no lymphedema).

So, I tend to feel I'm a gender non-conforming cis-male and that's about it. I'm maybe a bit non-binary, which is why I'm good with He/Him and They/Them pronouns. The discomfort playing males is an interesting thing, but I'm thinking it's mostly me having some internalized expectations that men do X things I find repulsive. Which, honestly, isn't a terribly healthy position, but I can address that without changing the sort of characters I play.

#ttrpg #roleplaying games #rpg #tabletop #gender identity #transgender thoughts #gender non-conforming #I do wish I could shapeshift #cis-gender #gaming experiences

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drvitaltips · 2 months ago

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Craving Takis? Let's Talk Healthy Takis Alternatives

Ah, Takis. Those rolled-up tortilla chips bursting with spicy, tangy flavor. They're pretty addictive, right? But let's be honest, "healthy" isn't the first word that usually comes to mind. So, what's the deal with healthy takis? While the bright purple bag might not be your best friend health-wise, the good news is you can enjoy that spicy crunch without totally derailing your wellness goals. We're talking about finding smarter alternatives or even whipping up your own version at home.

Key Takeaways

- Regular Takis are high in sodium, unhealthy fats, and artificial ingredients, making them not-so-healthy for frequent munching. - Finding truly "healthy Takis" off the shelf is tricky, but healthier alternatives exist – look for baked options with simpler ingredients. - Making your own baked tortilla chips with custom spice blends is the best way to control ingredients and create a genuinely healthier spicy snack. - Mindful snacking, like watching portion sizes and pairing with nutritious foods, helps you enjoy treats responsibly. - Focus on whole-food ingredients and baking instead of frying for the healthiest results.

What Are Takis, Really?

Before we dive into healthier options, let's break down what's actually in a standard bag of Takis Fuego, one of the most popular flavors. They're essentially rolled corn tortilla chips. The base is corn masa flour, similar to other tortilla chips. But what gives Takis their kick and makes them less than ideal for everyday snacking are the other ingredients: - Vegetable Oil: Often palm oil, which is high in saturated fat. - Seasoning: This is where most of the "magic" and the health concerns lie. It typically includes: - Salt: Lots of it! High sodium intake is linked to various health issues. - Sugar: Adds a touch of sweetness to balance the spice and tang. - Citric Acid: Provides that characteristic tangy flavor. - Artificial Flavors & Colors: Ingredients like Red 40 Lake give Takis their vibrant color but are controversial for some people. - MSG (Monosodium Glutamate): A flavor enhancer that some people are sensitive to. Nutritionally, a small bag packs a punch of calories, fat (including saturated fat), and sodium, without offering much in the way of vitamins, minerals, or fiber.

Why Regular Takis Aren't So Healthy

Okay, let's get real. Snacking on Takis occasionally probably won't hurt you. But making them a regular habit? That's where problems can arise. - Sky-High Sodium: A single serving can contain a significant chunk of your recommended daily sodium limit. Consistently eating too much sodium can contribute to high blood pressure and other heart-related concerns. You can learn more about sodium intake recommendations from the American Heart Association. - Unhealthy Fats: The type of oil used (often palm oil) is high in saturated fats. While fats are essential, too much saturated fat isn't great for cholesterol levels and heart health. - Artificial Stuff: Artificial colors (like Red 40) and flavors are common in ultra-processed snacks. While approved for use, some studies and health advocates raise concerns about their long-term effects, especially in children. - Low Nutritional Value: They're mostly empty calories. You get energy, fat, and sodium, but very little fiber, protein, vitamins, or minerals that actually nourish your body. - Potential Gut Irritation: For some folks, the high spice level combined with the acidity can lead to stomach upset, heartburn, or gastritis, especially if eaten in large quantities. Because they hit those "bliss points" of salty, fatty, and crunchy, they can also be easy to overeat, pushing nutritional concerns even further.

Can You Find Actually Healthy Takis?

Searching for pre-packaged "healthy Takis" can be a bit like looking for a unicorn. The nature of that intense flavor and shelf-stable crunch often relies on the very ingredients we're trying to limit (sodium, certain fats, artificial additives). However, you can find healthier alternatives in the snack aisle that offer a similar spicy, rolled, or crunchy vibe. Here's what to look for: - Baked, Not Fried: Baked chips generally contain less fat than fried ones. - Simpler Ingredient Lists: Look for brands that use recognizable ingredients. Fewer artificial colors, flavors, and preservatives is a good sign. - Lower Sodium: Compare nutrition labels and choose options with less sodium per serving. - Better Oils: Snacks made with oils like avocado, olive, or sunflower oil might be preferable to palm oil. - Whole Grains: Some alternatives might use whole grain corn or other flours, adding a bit of fiber. Brands focusing on natural ingredients or specific dietary needs (like grain-free) sometimes offer spicy chip alternatives. Read labels carefully – "natural" doesn't always mean low-sodium or low-fat!

Making Your Own Healthy Takis at Home

Honestly, the best way to get truly healthy takis is to make them yourself! It's easier than you might think, and you get total control over the ingredients. You won't perfectly replicate the texture and exact flavor profile of the processed version (that often requires industrial equipment and specific additives), but you can get incredibly close with a delicious, spicy, crunchy snack you can feel good about. Ingredients You'll Need - Corn Tortillas: Look for thin corn tortillas with simple ingredients (corn, water, lime). - Oil: A healthier oil for brushing or spraying. Avocado oil or light olive oil work well. You only need a little! - Spice Blend: This is where the fun happens! Combine: - Chili Powder: For heat. Adjust the amount to your liking. - Smoked Paprika: Adds depth and smokiness. - Garlic Powder & Onion Powder: Essential savory notes. - Nutritional Yeast: Gives a slightly cheesy, umami flavor (optional, but tasty!). - Lime Zest or Lime Juice Powder: For that signature tang. Citric acid powder (used sparingly) can also work if you have it. - Salt: Control the amount! Start small; you can always add more. - Cayenne Pepper: For an extra kick if you like it super spicy. Simple Steps to Homemade Healthy Takis - Preheat & Prep: Preheat your oven to around 375°F (190°C). Lightly brush or spray your corn tortillas with oil on both sides. - Cut & Roll: Cut the tortillas into wedges or strips (whatever shape you prefer for rolling, though flat baked chips are easier and just as tasty!). If you want the rolled shape, carefully roll them up tightly. You might need a toothpick to hold them initially, but remove it before they get too crispy. Alternatively, just leave them flat like regular tortilla chips – easier and still delicious! - Season: Spread the tortillas/rolls in a single layer on a baking sheet. Sprinkle generously with your homemade spice blend. - Bake: Bake for 8-15 minutes, watching closely. Baking time depends on your oven and tortilla thickness. Flip them halfway through if desired. They should be golden brown and crispy. Let them cool on the baking sheet – they'll crisp up more as they cool. - Enjoy: Taste and add a tiny bit more salt or lime if needed. Enjoy your much healthier spicy snack!

Comparing Homemade vs. Store-Bought Alternatives

Not sure whether to DIY or buy a healthier alternative? Here’s a quick comparison: FeatureHomemade Healthy TakisStore-Bought Healthier AlternativesIngredientsPro: Total control, no artificial stuff.Con: May still have preservatives, higher sodium/fat than homemade.NutritionPro: Lower fat, controlled sodium, potential fiber.Pro/Con: Better than regular Takis, but variable. Read labels!FlavorPro: Customizable spice level and profile.Con: May not perfectly match Takis flavor.CostPro: Generally cheaper per serving.Con: Can be more expensive than regular Takis.ConvenienceCon: Requires time and effort to make.Pro: Ready to eat instantly.TexturePro/Con: Crispy, but maybe not identical to Takis.Pro/Con: Texture varies by brand. Ultimately, homemade gives you the most health benefits, while store-bought offers convenience.

Tips for Enjoying Spicy Snacks Mindfully

Whether you opt for a store-bought alternative or your homemade healthy takis, enjoying them mindfully makes a difference: - Portion Power: Stick to the recommended serving size. Put a portion in a bowl instead of eating straight from the bag (or baking sheet!). - Pair Smart: Balance the salty crunch with something fresh and hydrating. Think guacamole, salsa, plain yogurt dip, or crunchy veggies like cucumber or bell pepper sticks. - Hydrate: Spicy foods can make you thirsty. Drink plenty of water alongside your snack. - Listen to Your Body: If super spicy foods upset your stomach, opt for milder versions or enjoy them in smaller amounts. - Don't Deprive: Trying to completely ban a food you love often backfires. Finding healthier ways to enjoy the flavors you crave, like making homemade healthy takis, is a more sustainable approach.

FAQs About Healthy Takis

Got more questions? Let's tackle some common ones. Are Takis bad for you? In moderation, Takis are unlikely to cause major harm for most healthy people. However, due to their high sodium, unhealthy fats, artificial ingredients, and low nutritional value, they aren't considered a healthy snack for regular consumption. Overeating them frequently could contribute to health issues like high blood pressure or digestive discomfort. What is a healthy alternative to Takis? The healthiest alternative is making your own baked tortilla chips with controlled seasonings. Look for corn tortillas, a healthy oil spray, and a blend of chili powder, paprika, garlic powder, onion powder, lime, and salt. Store-bought options could include baked spicy tortilla chips with simpler ingredient lists and lower sodium content. Can you make Takis healthy? You can't make the original processed Takis healthy, but you can create a version of spicy rolled (or flat) tortilla chips at home that is significantly healthier. By baking instead of frying, using minimal healthy oil, controlling the salt, and using natural spices instead of artificial additives, you make a much better-for-you snack. Why are Takis so addictive? Takis hit a combination of flavor profiles that our brains love: salty, spicy, fatty, tangy, and crunchy. This multi-layered sensory experience, often enhanced by ingredients like MSG, can be highly palatable and trigger cravings, making them feel addictive for some people. Are baked Takis healthier? Some brands offer "baked" versions of spicy snacks. Generally, baked chips contain less fat than their fried counterparts, which can be a step in a healthier direction. However, you still need to check the label for sodium content and artificial ingredients, as "baked" doesn't automatically mean "healthy." Homemade baked versions are typically the healthiest choice.

Conclusion

So, can Takis be healthy? Not really, in their original form. But can you enjoy that fiery, tangy crunch in a healthier way? Absolutely! By understanding what makes regular Takis less than ideal, seeking out better store-bought alternatives, or—even better—rolling up your sleeves and baking your own healthy takis variation, you can satisfy those cravings without the guilt. Remember to focus on whole ingredients, baking over frying, controlling sodium, and enjoying mindfully. Happy (healthier) snacking! Disclaimer: The information provided on this website is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice. Always consult with a qualified healthcare professional before making any decisions about your health. Read the full article

#healthytakis

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twilight-resonance · 7 months ago

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Trickle

Holy gods, I feel awful right now. Migriane - low-grade, thankfully - for the fifth day straight, which is mostly annoying but not too bad; but I'm hungry, and cold-from-the-inside in a sick way, and just kind of feel... a general malaise. A bit like being sick, but I don't think I'm sick. The smoking gun is that I went to go curl up in the laundry room earlier, with the washer and dryer running. I almost never do that unless I'm feeling truly terrible. What a strange thing.

Maybe I ate something bad? A clementine that had gone slightly off, or a weird vegetable from dinner last night? That's the closest to what it feels like... but I'm not convinced. Maybe it's just one of those days.

Anyway, I'm here to complain about it mostly. As well as to write more, for the sake of writing more. With the hopes of greasing the gears for other writing and other journaling and other work. I should also do one of those journaling-prompt posts; maybe after this.

Quite-some going on the last few weeks. My SIL/BIL/nice (Hearthsnail's sister) were out for Thanksgiving, and that was nice. Went to a discovery museum for the niece - we'll have to go to more if they come out again, turns out there's a lot in the area; and we went tidepooling one day, and mostly hung out. Learned some things about my own energy pacing that week, both as traits that have popped up before but not been solved in the same way. One is pacing energy with my niece - who is four, and still a big sink for attention as all kids that age are. I'm great with kids; and I'm great the first day or two; but I think I over-invest the energy and attention, and burn myself out pretty hard for later in the week. So in the future, I should take some designated time for myself/not entertaining the toddler early/daily so that I can give her more of what she needs sustained over time.

The second is that, apparently, I need time to focus in order to function. It doesn't have to be about anything - it could be work, it could be play, it could just be spacing out; it could be with people or alone; but having a couple hours of just focused time is apparently important to my ability to regulate myself emotionally and mentally. Discovered because the style of hanging out they have is very much not compatible with that. So, as before, taking some focused time for myself every couple of days next time. And also in general. It's not limited to them, it happens on breaks with Hearthsnail and other times too. Just something good to know in general.

Would be good things to note to my therapist, but she is in the ICU. Went for last appointment and she never showed, and got a message from her family not long after. I dunno. It's one of those things that... you know, things can happen to anyone? It's a good reminder of that. I'm fine in terms of my own stability in the interim, I hope most of her clients are in the same place, and I hope she's fine... But it's just. One of those things that happens out of the blue. Also a good reminder that we don't pick when these things happen, they happen when they will. I used to be better about remembering; I've become too comfortable with the ebb and flow of everyday life, I think. In a good way - in a stable way - but I wished I remembered more.

Had a friend over the other day; they introduced us to Dutch Blitz, and I'm so sold. We ordered a copy the same night. It's a simple game, but a good one. Also played Clank Legacy - continued a game we've been playing, that we picked up from an ex-friend group of that friend's. Legacy games are so much fun - the closest I get to playing an RPG, anymore - and, were I to dissect one, probably good professional development too. Given what I do. Given that I have to make up my own training and growth and somesuch things.

Had other obligations later that night - helping a new group of players make characters for D&D. Starting a new game for a group of friends; one wanted to add a new player, but we were already full up, so I suggested starting a new one; and she invited more friends. They were going to do their own character-making session to make it easier on me, but I wanted to be involved to help with some of the world-specific stuff... and it was probably good, at it turned out, that I was there anyway for rules help as well. I was a little uncertain about the whole thing - suppose I still am - for dumb reasons, but I think it'll be okay. Will be interesting hanging out with a bunch of queer folk that are, like, my own age? Rather than high school and college-aged folks? I love them dearly but it's nice hanging out with people a little further along in life, too, and not something I get as often.

Our usual D&D group has a session coming up soon; also doing holiday gift exchange things. Need to pick something out for that. I did a short book last year; don't want to do something directly gaming-related, but something relevant to anyone. Pretty teacups, or something that splits both functional and decorative, feels like the right thing. We'll see. Also need to pick out gifts for my family - which, I'd like to get them nice things this year since we're not coming out and it's a rough year financially - and for Hearthsnail. Others here and there too, but those are the big ones. I like coming up with gift ideas - it's a fun puzzle around what they'll like, what they won't think of themselves, what I know and don't know about the tools they need for their hobbies, etc - but it does take a time and a focus that has escaped me the last week with the migraine. And time is burning low.

Holy fuck, I still feel cold and awful. Took some excedrine a bit ago, hoping that helps; may not have had enough time to kick in yet, might be kicking in right now, hard to tell. One of those shivers just passed over me - again, the sort of sick fevery ones that well up from inside - and, eef. Been doing the work I can the last few days: emails and invoices yesterday, brainstorming for charts I need to make all throughout this week, slack management and character approvals today - but it's not nearly as much as I need or would like or it ought, again given the migraine situation. But we do what we can. I'm doing all right, I think, considering.

This is working, by the way, because it's so loose and rambly and stream-of-consciousness. Just sort of a gentle outpouring, flowing whichever way is lowest. Helping to keep the rest of my focus intact, I think, at least in some ways. And again, leaving space for other more intensive writings later.

Also need to figure out what to bring to snack this week. I know next week - it'll be brownies - but this week is escaping me more than usual. To do with all the stress people seem to be feeling around it, I think. Hearthsnail's co-workers, rather - they do a snack every Friday, but it's been a bit fraught this year for reasons as-of-yet undiscovered. But it will be nice to go spend time with them, and to make snacks. If I can figure out what.

Going to drop this and do a journaling prompt post, I think. Starting to flounder.

#blog #journal #migraine #outflow #d&d groups #gift-giving #holiday tales #holiday plans #energy flow #focus #sickfeeling

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evokersapprentice · 1 year ago

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Pros and CON

As a relatively new player who is just about figuring out how the game works, I was wondering if I had any tips for my past self, any wisdom to offer for those just starting out. Funnily enough, my insight may be mostly to do with my lack of Wisdom, given that it just stopped me from multiclassing as a cleric.

It's not necessarily a lack of knowledge. I recently did a deep dive into some of the detail of the game, and I would heartily recommend that, but I wouldn't say it's required. A great thing about D&D is that it can be as complex or as simple as you want it to be. You get out what you put in, but you can still have a lot of fun as a complete novice.

Some of the older heads you hear from get snobbish about people who don't want to do the reading, or are only interested in certain areas of the game, but I'm not keen on all that gatekeeping. Even within my party there are various levels of enthusiasm for various things, and we just complement each other. If they don't care about optimisation and just want to play dress up, that works fine for me.

I got through a good few levels without knowing what a rogue was (although spelling it seems to put me in the top few percentiles of forum users) and it hasn't hurt me at all. The one thing I would say with hindsight, as a wizard, is to think early on about your build if you think there's any chance you'll want to later. You have limited decision points, and they lock you in forever, so when you later know what you're doing you might regret it. Your future self could be grateful for a little forward planning now.

It starts at day one, with your character sheet ability scores. Mine was pre-made, and I've worn those limits ever since. For example, others in the party are now looking to multiclass, and I can't take a level in cleric (or druid, or bard or sorcerer), because I don't have the Wisdom (or Charisma) you need. You may want to think about that.

You then have precious few chances to build on that starting point. At levels four, eight, twelve, sixteen and nineteen, you can either add two points to these scores or take a feat (if you're playing that way). I made my choices at level four without thinking about my overall plan, and that's limited my options now as well. I'm not saying that you need to optimise your character, but there are ways to make them better at whatever you want them to do.

Some of these points are conditional on how long you expect your campaign to last, given that some builds work better in the short term, medium term, long term, or you may just want to get the things you need now rather than planning for the future.

As wizards, I think we're both better and worse off than other classes. We have more decision points, as we get to choose new spells at every level, and unlike most casters we're limited to those spells and can't choose from the whole list each day. Those decisions are locked in, so the random spells you picked early on are two better spells that you now don't know.

But compared to martial characters, our ability scores and even feats don't feel as crucial. Magic can cover over most of our deficiencies, whereas they need to hone themselves into a specialised fighting machine to keep up. If you're a wizard going all the way to the endgame, you probably don't need to worry about power, because you're destined for omnipotence at level 17. You just probably don't want to delay that much with multiclassing.

In my campaign so far, I've been more concerned about the other side. Young wizards are extremely fragile, and with no worries about doing damage I've been mostly looking for ways to wrap my character in cotton wool. You may want to plan around that as well. Investment in AC, HP, saving throws, that kind of thing. Not feeling afraid every time a bad guy looks your way, pleading for the tank to save you. You don't need to be a tank yourself, but you need a little bit of weight so you're not knocked down by a breeze.

For all of their strengths, wizards also contend with a lot of different limiting factors. They can only learn those two spells per level, whereas others get access to a full list, and have to make sure they choose the right ones at the time and for the future. They can also only prepare a certain number of spells per day: at the moment that's 13 for me, which feels like a lot, but there are easily over 13 spells I'd like access to in case they came up, and that list is only going to grow as I keep learning stronger spells at high levels.

Wizards can do so many different things, but you're restricted and made to choose which of them you want to do with your build, and then again on any given day. Then you only have a handful of spell slots, and even fewer at each level. Then there's action economy: everybody is limited to one action per turn, except that some of the other classes get multiple attacks or bonus actions, and wizards are further limited by only being able to cast one levelled spell per turn.

Finally, we have to think about concentration, which seriously limits the number of our more powerful spells we can use to one per combat. Everything has a massive opportunity cost. If I use a fifth level concentration spell, that means a) I use up my action for that turn, b) I can't use a spell as a bonus action, c) I lose a fifth level spell slot, which seriously dents my capabilities for the rest of the day, d) I can't cast any of my other concentration spells whilst it lasts. Any wizard-building may want to look at loosening those restrictions as much as possible.

I would say take all other guidance with a pinch of salt. There's an awful lot of unqualified and unhelpful guidance out there, probably including a lot of what I've had to say. A lot of it's down to subjective opinion: so much depends on your DM, your party, your role, and what you actually enjoy. You'll see discussions of a spell where they haven't actually read the T&Cs properly, or without mentioning that their campaign plays a certain house rule that makes it work.

Even two of the more comprehensive guides to wizardry, from Treatmonk (spells here) and RPGBOT (spells here), can offer massively different conclusions. The former ranks Hold Monster as a mid-tier spell, the latter holds it up as one of the best. I find such guides to be useful as a reference, but I often come away with a difference in opinion. Every game is unique and you can find a niche for whatever build you like. It's just about making sure your choices complement each other, and ideally the rest of your party.

As a personal example, both of those guides are fairly in agreement that the purpose of a wizard is battlefield control, to cast save-or-suck spells to debuff the bad guys and leave them vulnerable for your teammates to finish off. I don't really do that, for three reasons. One, my druid really enjoys that role, and I find myself best deployed doing something else. Second, I was set up as an evocation blaster, and feel that there's an incentive to lean into that. Third, I don't really want to.

In my adventures thus far, I've found that our enemies are either weak enough for us to deal with the old fashioned way (hit them with a load of damage as quickly as possible), in which case save-or-suck is an unnecessary delay compared to blasting, or so strong that they can probably resist me (for example, some monsters have +6 to saving throws against my 16 DC), in which case they're of limited use, especially if they also hog my concentration.

There's a half chance that I'll get them to stick for one round, but then there's another saving throw, and an equal chance that I've achieved nothing at all. I've seen suggestions that aggressive use of Silvery Barbs can make those spells more of a certainty, but a) I'm the only one in my party who knows it, so it's only one re-roll per round b) I'm not made of spell-slots, and c) I don't want to push it and annoy my DM too much.

Then there's dragons to consider. We're in a fairly dragon-heavy campaign, where the big foes who can't be simply blasted aside are often draconic in flavour. All of the adults have Legendary Resistance, allowing them the ability to turn a failed saving throw into a success, three times a day. If they're succeeding at least half of the time anyway, you've got to waste an average of seven or eight save-or-suck spells before one actually hits. At that stage, the fight is over and you could have done 200+ damage instead.

My biggest frustration in combat is wasting a turn, and wasting a spell slot, given all of the limitations above. Wizards don't have enough of these things to throw away, and I want to make them count: perhaps via other forms of battlefield control, perhaps by buffing my friends, perhaps just by dealing damage, but all things which are guaranteed to have some sort of impact.

Given all of the above, my priorities to cover over wizard limitations are as follows:

Gain more spell slots, if possible, or find a way to reduce avoidable spell usage (e.g. Mage Armour each morning).

Raise the cap on the number of different spells I can prepare.

Protect myself from damage. As well as my health, my concentration spells are expensive, and I don't want to lose it.

I sometimes wish I was a Bladesinger (with flowers in my hair), but discovered that subclass long after I'd been assigned Evocation as a novice who didn't know what it meant. I live Evocation, but sometimes I do think longingly about what a cool ability Bladesong is. Adding your INT modifier to both AC and concentration saving throws is tasty, especially as you were going to maximise it anyway (so it's between +3 and +5).

I think you can rebuild it in the aggregate, maybe even better, but at the cost of some of your upgrades. A dip into Artificer would seem to be the ideal alternative. If you start there, you get both proficiency in medium armour and shields and in CON saving throws. It costs you a level's delay in terms of learning spells, but you get to the same place in the end.

The Bladesinger can only wear light armour, so their best bet is probably Mage Armour for a 13 + DEX + INT total. For me that would be an AC of 19 at the moment. The ArtWiz would get the same total with medium armour, a shield, and the same +2 to DEX. They would then save a first level spell slot per day, which as another use of Silvery Barbs (or any better alternative in the moment) is not to be sneezed at.

The Bladesinger has a higher ceiling (they can add another +1 to INT, and keep increasing their DEX if they like), but I think at that stage you're already maxing out AC's usefulness. With the Shield spell up your sleeve, very few attacks are going to be hitting on a 24, and of those there are very few which would then miss on a 25, 26, 27. The marginal benefit decreases the higher that you go.

In addition, as a general point, I think it's worth noting that AC is not as important for wizards as it may seem at first, when you get your character sheet with that big number in the middle. Unless you come across a lot of archers, it's mainly for character who are going to be in melee range, in which case the more obvious solution is just to get out of there.

Wizards will usually lurk at the back of the party, and most of the ranged attacks they face will be of the saving throw variety, like a dragon's breath, which makes AC useless. It's worth having at a decent level for those odd moments, including surprise attacks (like when I got myself surrounded by kobolds and had to self-immolate with a fireball on myself), but pushing it higher and higher will never make you invulnerable.

Whilst we're talking about the Bladesinger's cons, it's important to note that they don't have a bonus to CON saving throws in general, only concentration ones. That's nice, but concentration is sort of a second-order defence: if you're making a concentration save, you've already been hit, so you have other problems. It would be better to stop the damage in the first place. For many ranged attacks, CON or DEX function like AC, so it's worth pumping one or both up in their own right. It might even save your life.

For illustration, a white dragon's breath attack needs a CON saving throw against a 19 DC, or face an average of 54 damage. If it hits, you've got to run a concentration save to beat 27, which is impossible even with a +5 INT modifier. Given a wizard's low HP, you may also be dead. It would be much better to have a +4 to CON in the first place, potentially saving you from full damage in the initial check, and then still get that +4 to concentration if it did come down to that.

I've come across CON saving throws out of combat too, and it would be annoying to lose concentration on my fifth-level summon because the fighter trod on a poisonous mushroom, or have all your preparation taken out by the same dragon's lair effects before they even turn to attack you. Being able to add your proficiency bonus, which scales at least as quickly as your INT modifier will, could be every bit as handy as the AC boost.

You could grab Bladesinger as well as your first level in Artificer, to really supercharge your concentration, but then it would prevent you from enjoying your newfound armour proficiency. Many multiclass builds like to match subclasses which have 'synergy', but there's often a lot of wastage in the overlap because that subclass is supposed to compensate for NOT being a fighter or whatever. You may get just as much by letting Artificer solve these particular problems and going with a different school for another flavour of benefit.

Annoyingly, I can't do either of the options above, and have to settle with third choice: starting at Wizard and dipping into Artificer at a later stage. This still gives me the benefit of armour, but I don't get any sort of CON protection. My only route to that is picking up a feat later on, which I may well end up doing (Resilient and investing in CON anyway for HP and saving throws), but that's still a big opportunity cost.

But ideal timing or not, I still think a one level dip into Artificer is worthwhile. You don't miss out on spell slots at all, you're still INT based, and you get the chance to pick up a decent number of Artificer spells (two cantrips and five first level spells for me). They're all at low levels, so it's sort of a choice between seven weak spells or two strong ones. That already feels like a fair trade-off if you're looking for more flexibility, but there are also three benefits to choosing the seven.

First, it's flexibility on top of flexibility. Artificers don't learn spells like wizards do; they prepare them each day from a much wider list. This means that you aren't actually limited to seven spells, just seven spells on any given day. You can see what you use or not and switch it up. Second, it's much more choice on each of those days. Because you can prepare these spells as an Artificer, they don't count against your ~13 prepared spells as a wizard. You can even re-take wizarding favourites, like Feather Fall or Absorb Elements, to free up space for a higher level wizard spell. This massively loosens one of your main restrictions to future growth.

Finally, the Artificer has access to spells you would otherwise never have access to, such as Guidance, Sanctuary or Cure Wounds from the Cleric playbook. You can always find a way to learn more wizard spells, if you find a library or wizard to teach you, but other class's abilities are usually off-limits. These options let you be a lot more versatile, and allow you to find a use for lower level slots which might have otherwise been wasted.

In summary, armour serves to both protect you from damage (saving both HP and concentration) and spare you your Mage Armour both as a daily spell slot and as a prepared spell. The starting CON proficiency, if you can get it, likewise helps protect you from damage (saving HP once and concentration twice). Artificer spellcasting massively increases your number of prepared spells and widens your options in every way. It's not a bad haul.

Another detail of my planned build is that I took Fae Transportation as a feat. It's only a 'half feat', allowing me to increase my INT by one, which already lessens the cost, and I think that overall it's been worth sacrificing another INT increase. Not only because I got to learn two useful spells which I didn't previously know (Misty Step and Silvery Barbs), but because I effectively gained two spell slots (at first and second level) and two prepared spells (as they don't count against my thirteen). As those limitations start to bite, I feel like that sort of benefit is overlooked.

But concentration is still the thing that holds my attention. I don't want to waste my spells: most people recommend maximising your save DC for that reason, but I want to max my CON too. If I was building a new character, I might start with Artificer, then go Bladesinger, then take War Caster instead of Resilient (due to already having proficiency).

Investing a little more in CON over some of my wasted stats could then give a +11 (+3 CON +4 INT + proficiency) bonus on CON saving throws at this stage, which is enough to guarantee 24 damage doesn't shake your concentration, plus advantage on those rolls to make you pretty safe beyond that. It's just the breath attacks you need to dodge, and there are other ways around those. Blink, Sanctuary, Mirror Image are all non-concentration spells you can cast before a big combat. A Draconic Spirit can lend you a resistance of your choice. A wizard can actually be pretty hard to hurt, which is just the way I want them.

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