#because that's a bit limited long-term and one of those will probably mostly make them really upset. (also you only get to do it once.

[vaguely-concerned]

rook falling asleep on the red couch in the lighthouse dining room while lucanis is making dinner....... they were helping out by keeping him company and peeling and chopping potatoes for a while there but then the potatoes are done and the room is so safe and warm and smells like coffee and good food and lucanis is trying to explain something to spite and his voice is low and soft and good to listen to and rook's eyes only slip closed for a moment. they'll get up to save the world again or whatever in a second just. one moment. while the world is warm and kind. and then they're being shaken gently awake an hour later because it's time to eat and everyone's starting to drift hopefully dinner-wards

[tommarvoloriddlesdiary]

not me updating this post (it's more likely than you'd think)

-

Dust and debris spread like a fine mist through the air. 

Harry can see the storefront across from him. The window’s glass has large looping letters, their outline gilded and just catching what little light shines through the smoke clouds, but he can hardly make out the words. He feels so dizzy.

What’s going on?

At first the world is straight, if a little blurry, and then it is not. He’s tilting—no, falling—Harry is falling; he’s been pushed, shoved? The culprit is running off somewhere into the smog, and he catches himself with his hand on the brick behind him. He thinks it must hurt but can’t really feel it. 

There’s definitely something going on here, Harry nods almost to encourage himself. And he’s sure of it because, even though it‘s painful to look at (now that he’s seen it - he can’t stop staring), spellfire is sparking up and down the alley. Probably a fight, but who’s fighting? And - what’s that?

A large chunk of rubble, he realises. Then he corrects himself—chunks. 

Oh. 

They make an impressive line through all this dust and whatnot to the point where things actually seem visible. And now that he’s sort of able to see and mostly paying attention, Harry’s noticing that the chunks aren’t coming from nearby buildings; they aren’t falling from the sky.

He watches, brows raised, as the ground a bit off in the distance breaks, cracks, and almost crumbles out of itself. The massive stone tears straight up and away, shooting at harrowing speeds towards—something, Harry’s certain. Their mass is being used as projectiles. 

Woah, he thinks and hopes he says it out loud because whoever’s doing that needs to hear this, now that’s wicked. The magical strength required to do that must be enormous, but judging by their wavering and almost wild flinging energy, it lacks in any refinement or skill. Whoever is doing that is desperate. Scared. So, not wicked, probably.

Harry’s tempted to find the poor bastard and give them a pat on the back, maybe take them out for a pint. Hell, he could use one right about now. He’s feeling pretty desperate and—well, maybe not scared—but definitely confused, too. 

Which brings him back to: What’s going on?

Waking up in the middle of an ongoing fight is what Harry had been expecting; what he hadn’t been expecting is waking up in the middle of what looks like Diagon Alley if he squints a bit and tilts his head to the left.

Deciding he’s overstayed his wall welcome, Harry straightens up, cautiously keeping his hand on the brick for steadying. He dusts himself off rather pointlessly and gives his Auror robes a quick pat down. No wand. 

That’s a problem. Nothing he can’t work around, but it’s a problem long term. Thankfully, he isn’t out of practice with wandless spellwork, but it vastly limits what he can do to lend a hand with whatever the hell is going on here. 

And he’ll really have to lend a hand and get out of here as quickly as possible. Ron is no doubt losing his mind with worry, and they still have to take care of some rouge wizards reaping havoc on a small wizarding community in Alfriston. If Harry really is in Diagon, he’s a long way away from there, so time is of the essence. 

Seriously, what happened anyway? What did that wizard throw at him?

It occurs to Harry then that he should probably give more attention to the wizards currently throwing things at him because one of those large pieces of rubble abruptly interrupts his train of thought and sightline. He gathers whatever magic he can and prepares to apparate away from its path, but—

Nothing. 

He tries again. And again. It’s getting closer. 

Then on his fourth attempt he feels something grating against his skin and realises—anti-apparition wards. 

Something is not only going on… but is very wrong. 

Harry’s eyes widen, and he ducks, rolling out of the way and further into the street. The world continues rolling even when he stops, vertigo crashing over him all too suddenly and forcing him to catch his breath; Merlin, Harry feels like he’s dying. 

He only gets this way after portkey travel or long-distance flooing—how he got here does not agree with him at all. And watching as that stone impacts the shop window he stared at earlier, Harry startles at another simple revelation. 

He can’t hear. 

He takes a deep breath and coughs, tries again until he feels calmer and doesn’t choke with every lung full. He can hear, but it isn’t anything substantial, only a low-volume, high-pitched ringing noise that echoes around in his head. He feels nearly delirious. And a bit like he’s going to be sick. 

Mindlessly, Harry steps back and out of the way of a nasty-looking violet spell, its shade almost neon. He takes a moment to assess his body more carefully.

Fingers, toes—check. All limbs, head is on straight, joints are bending the right way—he’s perfectly fine. He doesn’t feel any major injuries but forces a pitifully weak healing charm from within - out. He’s shit at wandless healing even though everyone swears otherwise, so it doesn’t ease up the nausea, but it does fix his hearing. 

He almost wishes it hadn’t.

Screaming louder than banshee cries, whizzing spells, explosions echoing, the dull droning of the wards, buildings breaking, shouts, crying, pleading—the world is so much louder than Harry is expecting, and he flinches, holds his hands against his ears at the onslaught. 

It takes some time, more than he wants to tolerate, and a few more close calls with ugly spells, but when Harry finally gets his bearings, he jumps into the fray. 

It’s hardly a thought to magic away most of the debris in the air, and with it gone, he takes in his surroundings. His head whips back and forth, taking stock of what’s newly visible. Harry’s unsure where to begin and who to ask for an explanation of what is even happening. He can’t spot any familiar Aurors, but there are definitely people scattered about in uniforms…

Harry nearly pauses at that. Yes, there are definitely people dressed in uniforms. Ones that are dark and black and flow like ink and look eerily familiar, and others that look strikingly like Sirius’s old—

“HELP!”

Harry’s eyes unerringly find the source of that scream—a young woman clutching a child. 

Their backs are up against the broken remains of a side alley, and her body is trying to cover the kid, hide them, to the best of her ability. A wizard in dark robes blocks their only way out, wand held stiffly in a tight grip - it’s pointed straight at them. 

Harry’s already moving, but his eyes squint, disoriented as he catches the unmistakable glimmer of silver reflecting off sunlight from the side of the wizard’s face. And this does make him pause. It makes him pause just long enough to feel and humour the stomach-swooping horror of recognition—of wrongness—that sight causes. 

It’s certainly a good thing that Harry has gotten to be so proficient at pushing down and sealing away horrors of all types and that he continues to be fast on his feet, quick on the draw. Helpful, too, that his wandless stupefy is still in top form. 

The wizard crumples to the ground, and Harry’s assist goes unnoticed in all the chaos. Yet the woman finds his eyes anyway, obviously having noticed him earlier, maybe even calling out for Harry specifically. She peers up at him, relieved and overwhelmingly grateful, but stares for a beat too long. 

And Harry, long used to prolonged stares, gives her no mind. He quickly comes over to help escort her and the child somewhere safer. She mutters something as he lifts the mute kid into his arms, their eyes wide and blinking. Harry balances them mostly on his left - his right hand holding their back steady, but he wants to keep it free to cast just in case. 

“What was that?” Harry asks while waiting for the kid to get comfortable and finish tightly wrapping their arms around his neck. He releases his hold on their back once they settle, and he takes a gentle but resolute hold on the woman to help guide her out of the alley and any direct fire. 

She’s shaking violently, but when she repeats herself, her voice is more confident—louder. “I- I didn’t know you had become an Auror, James. I thought you only g-graduated this summer?” She asks.

For a moment, only a moment, all of Harry’s battle-hardened instincts fall away. 

He feels his shoulders drop from their tense hold, and he—he just can’t believe what he’s heard. She doesn’t look anywhere close to his parents’ ages had they still been alive, even by wixen ageing standards. Really, she looks much closer to Harry’s age, maybe a couple of years older, give or take. They had probably gone to Hogwarts together for a while, so then why—

Why does she think he’s his father? James, she called Harry, like they are friendly. Like they know each other. 

Shock. Harry can excuse this as shock. He sorely wants to, but that feeling of wrongness is rearing its ugly head once again. 

So he decides not to say anything at all. Harry stays quiet and focused. He stuns anyone suspicious they come across and brings them both to a mostly unharmed shop out of the way with a blessedly working floo connection in a warded office in the back. 

The kid gives him a big hug before they leave, still mute, still blinking with wide eyes, and the woman turns to Harry, puts one hand on his arm, squeezes him once and says, “Stay safe, James.”

He watches them leave.

Breathe, Harry, he tells himself. And it almost works because he can hear the wet gasp and feel his chest move up and down with it. Yet he remains breathless, his mind whirring and unable to catch a thought long enough to actually think—until his feet start moving.

Harry exits the building and, with a clarity he doesn’t truly feel, rounds the corner. He’s confident that Twilfitt and Tattings should be just here, only a few feet away. When he arrives at the distinct shop front, still standing on what Harry can only guess is unadulterated rich-pureblood spite, the store looks nothing like the clothing shop he’s seen hundreds of times before. 

Unsettled but always willing to take a gamble, Harry sticks to the edges of the alley and makes his way further up Diagon, closer to Horizont. He avoids bouncing spells and crumpled bodies and casts when he has to all the way until he spots the familiar sign of Ollivanders. 

With careful hesitation and a churning deep in his gut, Harry tries something with no small amount of hysteria. He holds up his hand right before the shattered glass of Ollivanders’s main window and says:

“Accio Harry Potter’s wand.”

Harry stands there foolishly for a moment, lingering. Nothing happens. 

A short laugh rushes out of him; vicious relief nearly causes his head to sway, but he can’t help it. For a breathtaking moment, he had almost convinced himself that he’d felt something like a tingle, like a response from his magic that something was about to happen. 

Shock, Harry reminds himself. She was just in shock. 

He shakes his head to clear it of whatever madness had briefly held him and readies to shoulder open the door and commandeer a temporary wand. Even an incompatible wand will be better than nothing if he continues lending a hand to the Aurors on the scene. But before he can even take a step, his eyes catch movement in the darkness of the shop. And—Oh, that’s coming straight at me. 

“Whoa!” Harry ducks and turns to watch as a wand takes an arching turn and bounds straight towards him again. But this time, Harry is ready; he catches it with a smart thwack to the flat of his palm. 

The immediate warmth and pure magic radiating from this wand floods his veins unlike any other—but that’s a lie. It’s exactly like one other. One other wand from when Harry was eleven. His very first wand. 

He looks at the fine holly wood in his hand, feels the blazing heat of what is no doubt a phoenix feather core, and the familiar curves and juts of its crafted exterior, and conjures no happiness at the sight of his old friend. Harry feels dread take hold of his very being, leaving him cold and wrung dry. 

“Tempus,” Harry mutters, and like delicate clockwork, the spell casts flawlessly and more naturally than any spell Harry has cast in ages. The time of day and month are troubling enough, but the year really causes its own upending. 

1978.

Harry takes a deep, steadying breath in. He locks all the terrible and horrible things he’s feeling away in a small corner of his mind, shoving it all into a cupboard under the stairs. And he takes a deep, steadying breath out. 

He nods once to himself and holds his wand in a textbook grip. Logic and Auror instinct, but more prevalent, war instinct, sinks its familiar claws into the still healing scars of his mind. 

He leaves Ollivanders and makes his way carefully up Diagon Alley, distantly acknowledging that he hasn’t done as good a job as he’s hoping at concealing his anxieties. His casting is too accurate and decidedly not as innocent as it’s been. He trades stupefy for spells that may lean a little darker than any Auror really should be using.

He can’t say he has the element of surprise on his side. Still, the terrorists attacking the alley aren’t exactly looking out for an Auror dressed like Harry, so he has a precious few moments of them treating him like a civilian before realising their grave error. 

But, by then, Harry has blasted them halfway across the alley. They’re face down on the cobblestones or missing a limb or two by the time their ah-ha moment of ‘civilians don’t normally fight like that’ echoes in the quiet of their unconscious minds.

As Harry gets closer to the heart of the battle, picking off black-robed wizards one by one and gathering appreciative and perplexed looks from Aurors, he realises that faces are beginning to gain an awful familiarity. He wants to hex himself—of course faces are starting to look familiar. He knows an ungodly amount of wixen who fought in the First War. He’s heard numerous stories of their bravery and seen photographs of them, after all, and Harry really should have known that seeing them would be inevitable, even now—even when he isn’t ready.

But he hasn’t ever travelled this far back in time, so can anyone blame him for being caught by surprise?

Because—there she is.

She’s fresh out of Hogwarts. Classes must’ve only ended a month or so ago. And she’s standing at the heart of the battle. The August sun lends an unfairly clear day to the gruesome attack and shines on the brilliant auburn of her hair, all tied back and away from her face like a flaming whip. Gods, there she is.

Harry is shocked still, eyes locked on the sight of Lily Potter.

And he pays for it with a gnarly gash to the side of his ribs.

Gasping out, he quickly breaks from his trance and curses his inability to stay focused. Harry fires back with his own cutting spell; of course, the much nastier sectumsempra won’t be nearly as easy to bounce back from, but Harry just can’t muster up the fucks to give at the moment. 

Mum—Lily—is the one who stops his next assailant, though Harry doubts she even notices her assistance. It turns out she’s the one ripping stone out of the earth and flinging it at anything silver and moving. And, Merlin, it’s nearly charming. He’s going to throw up.

It takes a blue spell, its colour vibrant and just off enough for Harry to connect that it isn’t anything friendly, barely missing her, for him to decide enough is enough.

Harry centres himself and pulls at his magic. He aims his wand at the ground beneath his feet and chants until small spikes start erupting around them like saplings from the cobblestone. He doesn’t stop until they grow taller and taller until they tower over every head and every thatched roof, and until all the ruined pathways around Diagon Alley have become impractical and claustrophobic. 

Startled cries come from every direction; Harry thinks he hears bones snapping from those who can’t thread the needle before the spikes grow too close, like a dense forest. No one is spared of his sudden anger…

…no one except for Lily Potter, who stands in a small circle of safety. The spikes around her have curved inward, lending shelter. When Harry finally catches her gaze—oh no, oh no, oh no—he finds that her arms are raised. Almost like Harry’s a robber, and this is all just some kind of hold-up. He feels the urge to laugh die as quickly as it comes.

Not a soul moves, but Harry isn’t one for inaction. He lifts his wand and casts a sonorus; he speaks, “If you are a follower of-“ Harry mindfully avoids His name, unaware if the taboo has been enacted, “the Dark Lord, I believe you’ve caused well enough damage today. Leave.”

It’s silent for a long moment. And then, suddenly, the sharp snap of the anti-apparition wards shattering is all Harry hears. He can almost feel the rain of its magic falling down all around them, preceding the sounds of loud pop-pop-pops from the Death Eaters tucking tails and running away. 

Harry is a little shocked that simply demanding they leave works. Then again, turning all of Diagon Alley’s streets into some giant’s version of an Iron Maiden in the heat of his anger is probably something to be wary of. When the last pop fades, and all is quiet once more, Harry transfigures the cobblestones back. Once again, marvelling at the easy control with his holly wand.

It dawns on Harry, now that the battle is cleared up as best as he can manage, that he has no way of returning to his time and nothing to immediately keep that thought from taking hold and consuming him whole. He stands, mind racing and paralysed, as multiple hesitant thanks, thank you so much, you saved us, are whispered his way. And he could really do without the reminder of how irreparably fucked he’s just made the timeline, but, you’re welcome, he supposes. 

Then, through the whirlwind of his breakdown, he feels two gentle hands on his arms, pulling him out of the dark and into the eye of the storm.  

“Excuse me?” Harry looks up at green, sage and fresh like a vegetable garden, like summer’s grass on a quidditch field, like sprigs of thyme on a holiday roast surrounded by family; he looks up at the eyes of Lily Potter and startles at the sound of her voice.

Is this what she really sounds like? Harry remembers her voice clear as day from—well, it’s nothing he wants to think about now. But he doesn’t remember it sounding like this. So bright and so…

“So young…” Harry mindlessly replies. And Lily Potter’s answering frown is enough to leave him sorry for the rest of his miserable life.

She turns her careful attention to Harry’s bleeding shoulder, and he finally realises she’s trying to heal him. He doesn’t mention that he isn’t too worried about it and that the gash on his ribs is way worse because she starts speaking again, and all Harry wants to do is shut up and listen to her voice forever.

“Speak for yourself, firecracker,” she says. “You look about my age and handled yourself better than any of these Aurors.”

Firecracker? Harry mutters soundlessly. He’s bewildered at the idea of his mother giving him a nickname like that, his mother giving him a nickname at all. Something screaming and rotting and twisting in his soul mourns the loss of it until now.

“This doesn’t look as bad as I’d thought. Do you feel any intense pain? Any sharp shooting down your arm or back?” She asks.

Harry shakes his head slowly and in a daze. She hums, doubting, “Well, even if it doesn’t hurt too badly, let’s get you to St Mungo’s and patch you up—“

Harry steps back and out of her gentle hands, shaking his head with much more clarity. “No. No doctors. I can heal it myself well enough.”

Lily’s eyes widen, and something on his face must scream that he’s planning on making his great escape—it doesn’t matter where as long as it isn’t here in front of her of all people—because she suddenly grabs his wrist tight enough to bruise. “Wait! I’ll listen! I won’t force you to see a healer, but please,” she grips him even tighter, “we haven’t had a… a victory like this… in a long, long time.” 

Her eyes pry into him; they search and search, and she must find something because she steadies her panic and softly demands that he - “Don’t go.”

Harry can only stare, horrified, at his own mother standing before him, young and alive and begging him not to go.

He’s saved from answering as they’re interrupted by a loud shout, “LILY!” 

A man full-on tackles Lily Potter with force strong enough to pull Harry with them, but madly, all Harry can think is that - Mum has quite the grip.

And now that he’s so close, Harry quickly deduces that the new link to their growing chain is none other than James Potter.

Harry’s eyes blink slowly; a bone-weary exhaustion takes staunch hold of him as he listens to his father ask after his mother’s well-being. Finally, Lily speaks over him firm and unyielding, “James. I am fine. Where on earth have you been?” 

“I was dealing with some Death Eaters towards the mouth of Knockturn—but that doesn’t matter! What matters is that you promised to stay by me, and in less than two shakes of a fairy’s wings, you were nowhere to be seen.”

Lily scoffs, “I cannot believe you are blaming me right now when you are clearly the one who wandered off first! We agreed to stay near the centre, and, oh wow! Would you look at that? That’s exactly where you found me, isn’t it?”

Harry cannot believe he’s watching his parents have their first domestic argument, and he isn’t even technically born yet. This is cruel and unusual. Wait, are they even married? 

“Okay. Agree to disagree,” James nods. Lily’s got that look on her face that Hermione sometimes gets with Ron, like he’d better say the right thing in the next four seconds, or he’ll get a nasty left hook to the face. Harry feels his stomach drop right out of him at the thought of never seeing Ron and Hermione ever again. Oh god. And then, James continues, “We are both at fault.”

James’ eyes stray towards Harry, looking long and hard at his face. He finds Lily’s tight grip next and asks, “Who’s tall, pale, and ready to be sick standing beside you here?”

“What?” Lily asks, and her eyes fall on Harry, too. Her mouth parts in a horror Harry feels immensely. “Oh my god! I’m so sorry; I promise I didn’t forget about you. It’s just that James is so distracting, and oh merlin, I haven’t even introduced myself—“

“Lily, take a deep breath. And maybe let the man go?”

“James, you have no idea what happened. But you would if you’d have been here.”

Harry clears his throat, “Um,” James and Lily both turn and give him their full attention. Oh, that’s awful. How does Harry simultaneously feel like the youngest and oldest person here? He’s clueless about what to say next but settles on, “Um… I’m Harry.”

“Harry,” James and Lily say it together. Perfect unison. Lily’s eyes are wide, but her smile is wider, and James looks extremely confused and nearly half as put out. His brows furrow until they almost touch, and he comments, “My grandfather’s name was Harry.” He frowns and corrects himself, “Well, his name was Henry, but we all called him Harry.”

Oh. Should Harry have given them a fake name?

“James…” Lily murmurs. She isn’t quiet enough for Harry to miss her following words, “He looks a bit like he could be your brother, doesn’t he? Even a bit like Charlus?” James silently and slowly nods, his eyes still locked on Harry.

“What did you say your surname was again, Harry?” James asks with all the subtlety of a hippogriff, like he’s trying to be slick. 

And Harry, no stranger to risky bets, replies, “I didn’t. But it’s Potter. Harry Potter.”

The silence that follows is the loudest he’s heard yet. Wasn’t he nearly deaf earlier?

Until—“Lily. You got a good grip on him, yeah?” James asks.

“Of course,” she nods like it’s the most obvious thing in the world.

James grins. “Hold on tighter, then.”

The sudden gathering of magic in the air has Harry’s hair standing on end. He knows what’s coming but doesn’t truly process it until he catches sight of James’ wand out, and by then, it’s too late.

They apparate out of Diagon Alley.

[drinkyourvillainjuice]

ok sure world building questions here's a few softball ones,

You said Alderbrook wasn't the big leagues, are heroes/villains in bigger ponds much more directly powerful or just more more skillful?

How often is it that someone gets a power that's all downsides?

You said the adVenture crew was in a different town, more or less dangerous than Alderbrook?

Since there are superpowers does the supernatural, or even magic also exist?

Are augments used to treat physical disabilities?

Does the government regulate augments?

Did superpowers change how wars are fought?

Did 9/11 still happen?

Big Leagues -

It's a combination of strength, skill, and MO. Almost nobody in Alderbrook can, say, knock down buildings or effortlessly destroy a semi truck. Even some of those that can have limitations: Arcade's lasers can be very powerful, but realistically he doesn't get time in combat to charge them up all the way.

While the overall mask population of Alderbrook is a bit higher than average, there are few independent heroes and villains in town and those mostly have relatively minor powers.

Of the villainous gangs, the Businessmen keep a low profile and are focused on profits, not trying to take the town over. The Shreds are dangerous, but disorganised and generally kind of shit at strategy. S.C.U.M have a bit of a 'smalltime' mentality: they're rarely making shows of force (and are still recovering from their losses in the Zone)

To take another example, a guy like Scour is in theory really dangerous: he turns into a sandstorm, and that's destructive over a wide area and difficult to combat. However, he isn't interested in being that kind of a problem, he's content being a heavy with a cushy job that pays well for little effort.

The Zone incident basically put Alderbrook on the mask map. It wasn't drawing too many eyes before then.

Except from Hypothesis, apparently.

All-downside powers? -

No, every power has at least some use. They might suck on a day to day basis and have nasty side effects, but nobody's power say, explodes their own ribcage and nothing else.

AdVenture's hometown -

FAR less dangerous than Alderbrook. No villainous gangs, little parahuman activity, a teeny DPR hero team with barely an office. Alderbrook isn't big leagues, but AdVenture's hometown isn't even a blip.

The existence of supernatural, magic -

So I picture this debate morphing, in DYVJ, to "we can't attribute to the paranormal/magic what can be explained by parahuman powers!"

What I can say is that some power interactions (and powers in general) manifest very, very strangely, and where combinations form, one can begin to see effects difficult to explain when regarded purely with the lens of "what do power A and power B do?"

Augments to treat disability /Government regulation on augments -

Cybernetics can be used to aid people with disabilities, yes! There's a distinction - one I should really make more textual - between 'person with an advanced prosthetic' and 'an augment' in the setting. Someone's prosthetic hand isn't equivalent to a militarised bionic arm, you know?

The more potent a piece of cyberware gets, the more likely it is to be regulated, and higher grade pieces have maany hoops to jump through. Anything with an actual combat application is off limits: nobody's walking off the street and getting Enfilade's bolt launcher arm installed, for example.

In any case, if anyone's getting enough cybernetics packed into them to be deemed an augment, it's either with the government's knowledge or completely illicit.

Superpowers and warfare -

Yes, parahumans changed warfare. Kind of a weird tradeoff between, in the long term, probably resulting in less hot conflict, but only because individuals could be so destructive to regular soldiers.

But yeah, I think countries are probably at war less simply cause... if your elite parahumans all got killed in action, who's stopping the villains back home?

Did 9/11 happen?

No.

[earlgreytea68]

I have been traveling recently, and this is an observation I have from using various showers in various hotels over the past week.

My observation is: I think we have gone backwards in terms of shower design.

I know that showers are a waste of water and i do try to be responsible in showering (although also apparently artificial intelligence is using a bunch of water and I, for one, would like to vote against artificial intelligence and in favor of showers instead) but I have to confess that showers are one of the great, little, attainable treats of my life. Like, you know, one of those things that bring great joy, that's a shower for me. I love them and cherish them (especially because my grandmother refuses to shower anymore and people keep telling us that all old people hate to shower and so I especially am cherishing my showers now in case someday I grow old enough to hate them and they lose their joy for me).

ANYWAY. This is all to say. I care a great deal about shower design, and I think we've gone backwards.

To start with, I'm not a fan of the whole rainshower phenomenon, although I fully understand that this is probably a matter of taste. (I don't want to get my hair wet every time I shower, and having the water come from directly above at a ninety-degree angle makes it trickier to only get everything on your body below your head wet.)

But I digress. The bigger issue I have found in these hotels is...neither one of them had shower doors. They had a SINGLE shower door, yes, that covered a little bit of the shower space. When I used to travel more frequently in Europe, that's how their showers were designed, and I never understood WHY, and now, of all the wonderful things we could choose to copy from Europe, apparently we have decided to copy this terrible shower design.

First of all, having the shower mostly open means that there's a constant draft of cold air through the opening, which is not what I like when I shower, but I do understand that maybe some people get hot when they shower and so they want to be able to have cold air coming in at them.

But my other problem with this design is........how do people shower without getting water all over the floor???????? I sincerely mean this. I tried to shower as carefully as possible, keeping my movements very small and limited and squeezing myself into the farthest corner of the shower, and in both of the hotel rooms I was in this week the bathroom floor by the opening was soaked by the time I was finished. I kept towels bunched up on the floor to try to soak up the water, but that cannot possibly be good for...anything. In the second hotel, it wasn't even my showering that made the water go all over the floor. Just turning the shower on caused water to spray through the opening and onto the floor. Even when I shifted the nozzle to point as far away from the opening as possible, it was ricocheting off the walls and still making everything wet. I just....why???? Both of these hotels had clearly been recently redesigned to do this and..........why????? Why not just.......put shower doors onto the shower to keep the water inside the shower??????

Is it just me? Am I really weird? Does everyone else love these showers without doors and hate showers with doors? If so, please tell me what I'm doing wrong, if you know. I mean, maybe you're just saying, "Huh? Why would the water be going through the opening? What's wrong with the way EGT takes showers?" In which case, it's okay, I'll just slink away lol.

Sorry for this very long post but as I said, I think a lot about showers, and it really frustrates me when I can't enjoy them hahaha.

[twostepstyless]

Okay bestie nel @lonelycowgirls got me inspired. Like her I’ve had 7 months of fun and living my best life and also a lot of change of leaving a job and starting a new one (which as an aside I’ve officially passed my probationary period, ya girlies employed employed in something she genuinely loves and wants to do) so I need to come back to myself and I’ve currently got the feeling that I’m not spending my time away from work as well as I could be. So here’s some goals and a lot of waffle to go alongside them for the next 5 months for me to shoot for!

1. Do some conscious, meaningful movement every day, whether that’s a hot girl walk, the slow running club I’m doing with some of my girlies, a swim, a class, cycle, yoga flow, a fucking skipping rope, anything, just meaningful movement. I’ve went from a fairly active job to a mostly inactive role and I am feeling the difference.

2. Stop dipping into my savings. My savings are in a fairly healthy manner and I’m good with my income but I’m getting awfully good at dipping a quick wee 30 quid here and another wee 50 quid there and I’m not helping myself by doing that.

3. Be creative for me again. I’ve been in the trenches of the most horrendous creative block I’ve suffered through since I finished art school during covid. By the end of the year I’d like to have done a few things just to feel that spark again. Those include but not limited or restricted to, finishing at least one painting, do at least one of the embroidery projects I want to do, write something for here?? I’m not even overly arsed about what I’m doing or the final outcome really, I just need to do something with my hands that isn’t for my job.

4. Develop more meaningful connections. This doesn’t have to be romantic, but fuck me I need to talk to more people or develop my relationships with the people I do talk to just now.

5. Get back into language learning. I have been trying to learn Italian well since I was probably about 16, I’m now 27 swiftly approaching 28 and I’m still not overly thrilled with my progress but I bloody enjoy doing it so why can’t I just commit to it. My relationship with Duolingo is frosty right now and I’d like to thaw that out!

6. Be consistent with what I’m putting in my body. Food is a hard topic for a lot of people myself included but I know I need to be more consistent with what I’m putting in my body. I hate the term cheat day but it’s the only phrase I can think of that describes the situation. I’m not a person who can have a “cheat day” because it spirals into cheat week cheat month cheat multiple months and then I just get fucked off with myself. I’m team “everything in moderation” but I need to get better at balancing the moderation bit. I don’t even mean only food as being consistent with what I’m putting in my body either. My water intake while I’m at work is 10/10 I knock that shit out of the park, the second I come home and over the weekend, you’d think I’d have never heard of water and then I feel shite cause I’ve actively dehydrated myself, so I’m actively trying to sort that out.

7. This one is so stupid lmao but I think there’s a lot of value in seemingly simple or easy goals to tick off. Get a new hairdresser. My current one loudly complains about cutting my hair because it’s so long and like girlie I’m paying you? So I’m over that and I want someone fresh to let at my locks

8. And the big one that’s been a goal all year but I’ve just not conquered yet. I’d like to make moves to conquer my driving anxiety. I feel like I’ve spoke about this briefly in the past. I am a good driver and I’m confident driving places I know. However, I am terrified of going anywhere outside that. It takes a lot of pushing myself to get on the motorway and once I’m on the motorway I’m fine. It’s coming off and going somewhere new where I don’t know exits etc or all of it really and I know in my heart of hearts I’ll be fine and can figure it out but I just can’t get myself over the fear to actively do it. So I’d love to make some good progress to tackle that before the year is up.

[thessalian]

Thess vs Multi-Layer Problems

I mean, obviously I love hunting unfeasibly big robot creatures. But a lot of what I love about this game is the little things, and how even a "we're going on a hunt" side quest has ... layers. Not that I started out on hitting a side quest, but ... you know. Limited time, given that I have work in a bit.

Alrighty. Lemme just travel down this coastline hunting up gulls. I need gull feathers.

Well. Lemme get the Clawstriders out of my way first.

And the Snapmaws.

This has been a pretty successful little hunt. I bet that settlement has a workbench.

Tide's Reach, huh? I bet-- Ah, yeah, there's the green exclamation point. But they do have a workbench.

And a hunter kit trader. I can dump some vendor trash!

...You have FROSTCLAW WEBBING! GIMME!

Oooooooh, Utaru Gravesinger armour. Even if I don't necessarily use it, I love the look of it.

(I might use it anyway, though).

Aha! Upgrade 4 for my current armour! And now I just neeeeed ... a ... Frostclaw circulator. Still going to have to hunt one of those little buggers. And Stormclaw bits. Well, at least I know where a few of those hang out.

Okay, now we see about quest. Hey, guys; s'up?

...Oh.

.........Ooooh. Yeah, I have a feeling I know what's up with Garokkah, but a) I doubt Aloy knows and b) that's probably bad in a society that kills the disabled.

Right. I actually set up a shelter near where he was last seen. Good. Saves me the walk.

Okay, Garokkah, where'd you go? ...Oh. Wow. That ... is a lot of traps.

That ... do sod all damage. Why did you use acid traps on Acid Clawstriders?!?

Oh well. Let's save this poor dude. POONK.

You're trying to save ... your squad? From ... an ambush. And ... you don't recognise the term "rebels". And ... you brushed off having stabbed your daughter. And ... yeah, okay, I do know what this is.

...Oh. Ouch. I want to hug this poor dude.

Yes, we will definitely put your memorial back together. I would bet--

Yep. Clamberjaws. FUCK OFF, YOU THIEVING LITTLE MECHANICAL FUCKWITS.

Right. Please don't tell me that you're going to kill yourself to avoid being a burden to your clan (or to do it yourself rather than forcing them to) if I leave you here...

Okay, no. Good. And ... they know about this. And have things in place to deal with it.

See, this is the sort of thing that really makes one think. Because, like they said, in the Tenakth, before Hekkaro and the clans uniting and the Carja raids, life expectancy was minimal. They noticed Alzheimer's in Chaplains because they didn't tend to die in battle, so they thought it was only for Chaplains, and now they're learning different.

Also ... killing the mentally ill ... I guess it depends on the illness. People like Boomer probably not so much, but ... consider. Everything wants you dead - machines, other tribes, the Carja... And then you have someone who's been training for war all their lives, so they're strong and have access to weapons, and if they start getting violent in their own settlements and squads... It's a horrible solution, but without mental health care facilities, what choice do they have? At least now that things are at least slightly more peaceful, they seem to have the leisure to explore more options.

Right. That's settled. Lemme take down a Frostclaw.

Ooh. Rumour. ...Rebel bases. Yeah, I hear you.

Gliiiiiiding down to get that shelter...

Okay, off I go. Huh. What's this?

That ... is a drone. No time now, but I know what I'm doing later.

Right. Hi, Frostclaw! ...Bye, Frostclaw. POONK.

Okay, got my circulator. Gotta hunt some Stormbird at some point. But now I gotta log off for work.

Really looking forward to very long weekend. Mostly because I'm having that "feel like I'm being stabbed" feeling in my left shoulder blade. This is going to be a hard day.

[randomestfandoms-ocs]

Sinday asks 2, 3, 10, 14, 22, 26, 39 & 44 for Cosette

Sinday 2

2. What’s the most amount of sex you’ve had in one night?

She’s probably lost count.  If she’s defining it in terms of partners, probably around 6-7, if she’s defining it as number of orgasms, she definitely isn’t sure because she’s had a lot of nights with orgasms blending together, if she’s defining it as different positions or acts (regardless of orgasms), probably 9-10

3. Do you have a type? What is it?

She doesn’t really.  She mostly sleeps with men and is really into guys with big dicks, but she’s very queer and her experiences when she has slept with women have generally been mind blowing, she *thinks* her type is dominant & powerful & a little bit mean but slowly realizes that that’s not entirely the case, soft and sweet can be just as good and she definitely discovers that she enjoys being dominant just as much as she enjoys submitting

10. What’s a part of the body you really love and why?

I mean she loves dicks and she’s absolutely unapologetic about that (same with boobs and asses) but hands and arms do so much for her.  The forearm scene int he first season of bridgerton, she’d probably cum untouched watching someone roll their sleeves up if their arms looked like that, she gets very horny watching people’s hands and imagining them on/in her.  

14. What’s something you love about sexting?

She loves the tease.  She loves being able to say something really hot or completely shocking and then just stop replying, teasing the recipient with anticipation, giving just a little bit and then pulling away, waiting long enough that her partner isn’t expecting anything more before she sends something else, almost a mental sort of edging  She’d also eventually come to like it as a form of broaching new kinks/ideas, being able to bring something up but there not being immediate pressure to respond.  She’d do it to bring something up for a partner but then give them time to think about it before anything more happens, and she’d like a partner doing that to her for the same reason – especially with her fucked up history with sex, having time to think about something and process it fully *before* having a face-to-face conversation can really help give her the time to figure out her feelings before talking about it, where sometimes in person she feels pressured to have an answer in the moment But mostly she likes being able to tease her partner even when she isn’t near them

22. What’s the age range of people you’d sleep with (oldest/youngest)?

Youngest would be about her age, maybe a year younger at most, there definitely isn’t an oldest (listen, she may have settled on Gaston but Cosette had her eye on Hades first and he’s thousands of years old, the limit does not exist)

26. Favorite lingerie to see other people wear?

She’s into most things.  She’s had very very few partners wear any type of lingerie (there’s not much on the isle outside of what she makes, and sometimes she’ll sell some for extra money or favours, and the three people she’s with in Auradon aren’t really lingerie guys) so she doesn’t totally know the specifics, but just the idea of a partner wearing something special for her would do a lot for her.  She especially likes anything sheer because of the way that it frames the body, but most of her opinions on lingerie are more about herself

39. Thoughts on begging?

Yes.  Regardless of whether she’s begging or a partner is, she’s always so into it.  She loves it, she thinks it’s one of the hottest possible things in sex, she gets a total power trip from a partner begging and she is wonderful at begging (she finds it very fun and also really enjoys the way her words can affect her partner)

44. Ever had bad sex?

So often.  Sometimes deeply traumatic, sometimes just lacklustre or her partner didn’t know how to please her (I think I already know a few of each of those experiences now)

[the-madwomen]

Things I Learned Reanimating The Dead

By Dr. Luna Ludenburg

As far as anyone is concerned, this is a work of fiction, because it technically did not happen in this reality.

For the sake of transparency, I am not a medical doctor, nor am I particularly versed in biology. My doctorates are in theoretical physics (well, when it comes to lifestyles such as mine, it's only partially theoretical) and something called reality engineering (the ability to manipulate how others view reality, non-existent degree in our universe, nicknamed "the spin doctorate") which I got mostly to make any art I make to seem more immersive. In terms of areas of study outside of my titles I have been teaching myself neuroscience, which even then is not enough knowledge to bring back a whole body from the point of death and is only an interest I developed after the experience. So you may ask yourself why I would attempt something as radical as the title of this account suggests.

To tell you nothing but the truth, it was due to wanting to be accepted by my peers. Not in the scientific community at large, but that subset of mad doctors and professors akin to myself, testing the limits of both science and ethics. Fellow mad scientists, essentially. They often form these sorts of secret societies where they group together and share inventions, or at least concept art of such.

I, as a self-respecting agent of madness and progress, of course wanted in. But as it turns out, most have an initiation to see how far you're willing to go for the sake of knowledge. This is not a form of gate-keeping as I had assumed, or at least not the kind that fandom often has. Rather, it was a way to separate spies and other undercover agents from the rest, as most members would be enemies of countries due to their attempts to better the world... For them, anyways.

You can probably guess as to what this initiation entailed. Reanimating a corpse is off-putting to most, so it's a good way to separate those putting on an act from those with a passion. I won't say the thought didn't give me pause at first, but it didn't take me long to accept the offer. I knew there was a risk, and I was still mortal at the time so that risk was my own safety, but then again so was my dimension-hopping adventures normally.

The good news was one club would give me the basic supplies for the machinery used for the experiment, though I would need to assemble it myself. They also handed me the basic instructions on how to assemble a body together, and I do mean the most basic instructions. Some of the other groups, such as the one helmed by Dr. Isabella Saltine, gave me helpful advice not covered in these instructions. In case you ever feel the need to pull off what the forerunner of us mad scientists managed, here are just some of the things I was told.

- Make certain the blood types of every part you use match. If not, this can cause complications throughout the whole body, including the brain. The person who gave me this advice, Dr. Isaiah Fleaford, also gave a device to test blood type in a cadaver in case that information wasn't on record.

- Handle the brain with the upmost care. Not just not dropping it, but also in touching it whatsoever. Smudge the wrong part of the brain and the subject's sapience may suffer for it.

- Nerve endings will prove the most trouble. In the dimension I'm from, this one I'm assuming, there have been cases of head transplants being partially successful in monkeys. The problem was they would be paralyzed from the head-down. Thankfully, as part of the basic equipment, I was given special devices designed to make the nerves connect to the brain properly. I am glad I was given a few hundred, as this still proved to be the most difficult part of the process.

- One man, Professor Charles "Chills" Carlson, gave me a few cryo-chambers to work with. Keeping all the body parts preserved while I go look for other bits would prevent them from rotting and myself from having to look for new parts.

- The body used should be very large, at least 3 meters in height. Physical fitness is also good to look out for.

- Stay as low profile as possible. People don't take kindly to desecrating graves, even the ones of those they despise.

With all this information and then some in mind, I set out to begin my work.

Many had also told me to take the brain last, as this would attract the most attention since you would have to take one from a facility designed to keep brains preserved. However, I have the advantage of being an interdimensional traveler, which enables me to take body parts from worlds that haven't developed an equivalent. Therefore, I could get the brain first and not have to worry about suspicion. I decided this was best if I had the option, since I could design the body around the brain as opposed to putting a person into a body they wouldn't feel comfortable in. I had a choice between a professional Chess player with an ELO of 3200 and a beloved cooking show host. I chose the latter, as she was younger and the Chess player's mind was likely more useful to this world's scientists.

I also bothered to do research on each person whose body I used. In respect to their lives and so my research is not wasted, I'll tell what I know of them. Keep in mind that they are all from different universes and time periods, though all were freshly dead.

Jade Perkins was the American host of a popular cooking show that aired weekly on America's PBS. Her dimension was not too dissimilar from our own, though I will be going back there soon after I fix my interdimensional traveling device. Multiple reasons, one of which being that, in hindsight, Goncharov was a film that actually existed there, believe it or not, but the meme didn't come up in my dimension then so I thought nothing of it. Tangent aside, Miss Perkins was known as being incredibly generous and good natured all around. She was considerably overweight, and was proud to be able to combat fatphobia with her television program. She tragically died in 1993 at age 49, when a truck trying to dodge another pedestrian ended up hitting her instead. She was survived by two children. She is the source of the brain I used.

Uma "Übermench" Himmel was a German professional bodybuilder and three time winner of the Miss Galaxy beauty competition. She comes from a dimension wherein Trotsky became the leader of Soviet Russia, resulting in a much faster World War 2 and all of Germany becoming communist. She was known as a risk-taker and for being surprisingly intelligent with a degree in chemistry. She was rumored to be able to lift a baby hippo over her head. She sadly died young in 1972 at the age of 30 due to negligence from a janitor not putting up a "floor wet" sign whilst she was lifting weights, causing her to slip and the dumbbell to smash her face in. She was survived by her girlfriend of three years. Her head and arms were in a horrid state, so they were separated from the neck and shoulders, respectfully, and I took whatever was left.

Frances Benoit was a French serial killer with a personal kill count of 7 men and 6 women. He resided in a dimension where the French revolution had not taken place... Yet. He was known for killing French nobles, likely politically motivated. He killed most of his victims using Garrotte rope, using other methods for only five of them. His last kill would prove him unlucky, as he had to resort to a rather loud gun that made his presence known. I was unfortunate enough to be at his hanging, where he died in 1801 at age 46. He was survived by his wife, who last I checked was beginning to fan the flames for a revolution in his name. I ended up taking his arms, as I found no buff female cadavers with a matching blood type to Perkins' AB, and some pompous fool in all red chased me off with a rapier before I could continue searching.

Jesse Burrell was an Australian recluse who lived an isolated life. Her dimension was most similar to my own, from my recollections. I could not get a accurate account of her life due to her isolation and the bad blood she had with most people I found who knew her. She was a gun rights advocate and an alcoholic who spent most of her time outside of her home at the local bar. She died in 2000 at an unknown age, likely her mid-thirties, in a shootout at her estate, along with three others, with the potential survivors and reason for the showdown being unknown. She had no known family members, one genuine friend in the form of the barkeeper and far too many enemies to count. Her life was shrouded in mystery. Her corpse had been vandalized, with tattoos around her whole body having been removed via a knife, resulting in me removing skin from the stomach and stitching it to her face. She was the one I felt the most sorry for, for she was the easiest to take parts from.

Once I had all the supplies I required, I got to work. I won't bore you with the details, as it was all very repetitive truth be told. Building the equipment especially was almost as difficult as an English speaker trying to build IKEA furniture. But in my opinion it had all been worth it, and not just for the membership to any organization. That elation, that joy, when you're about to pull the trigger on a project, especially one as difficult as bringing life to what once was dead. I only managed to mess up one thing. The brain had been split in half. That sounds like a bigger deal than it actually was, but the human mind can survive being split in two. It does result in the two halves of your body being controlled independently from one another, but nothing so terrible.

I remember pulling the lever. The electricity flowing through my temporary laboratory, surrounding me. My hair turned white as snow, but that was fine by me. Looks good on me anyhow. Just the sheer mania I felt, knowing I was doing something as massive as this. My maniacal laughter echo through the world as I felt a pure sense of wonder and amazement at my own achievements... Or maybe it was the electricity, I don't know.

In any case, the results were a massive success. Obviously I couldn't have done it on my own, of course. The supplies given to me were the thing that made this possible, and I couldn't have done it if not for the ones whose corpses I used.

Mayhaps my proudest accomplishment in this is that, aside from the brain split and the consequences of that, Miss Perkins had all her mind intact, no memory loss whatsoever. I was overjoyed at this news, because it meant I could reintroduce her to her world after I showed my fellow scientists. She looked like her total physical opposite now, there were stitches on her face, her skin had a slight a green tint to it, and her arms grew slightly more hair than the rest of her body, but other than that she seemed like a normal human being.

It had worked out as perfect as it could have.

The best part of it all, in all honesty, was meeting Miss Perkins herself. Last I checked in on her she was still advocating for body positivity of all shapes and sizes. Just because she was fit now didn't mean she had lost her sympathy who are like what she used to look like. She would often joke that, technically, she weighed the exact same due to her height and muscle, which she managed to maintain. And all this in the 90s, no less! There were less fat jokes on TV overall in any case. Even trying to prove it was actually her was sweet, thanks to a song she made up for her kids convincing them. Feels good when mad science has a positive impact.

And of course, I was accepted into the various mad science societies since such a massive success was something to note. Glad that happened, though I would be lying if I said I didn't forget the reason I was doing it halfway through.

So what did I learn? Well, taking risks is sometimes beneficial for everyone involved, hard work is worth it if it's something you're passionate about, the joy others feel about your work is often better than what you get out of it, the saddest deaths have noone sad about it, and the part of the brain that processes the feet and the part that processes sexual attraction are right next to each and some are unfortunate enough to have those intersect.

... I forgot where I was going with this. Ah well.

[rappaccini]

arachnophobia; chapter 3 notes

chapter title

from 'dreamer', by pinkshift

pinkshift, fronted by ashrita kumar. newest band of the cohort.

relevant to the fic in that the song's about slipping away mentally and living in fear of losing yourself. the chapter's subject matter is gwen becoming a black sheep, stewing in the likelihood that she'll die, and trying to save another version of herself from that fate.

and i mean. lines about having nightmares about falling and being half ready to jump off a bridge are. relevant.

and yes, the song by the band fronted by an indian girl being the title of the chapter all about the indian gwen stacy is intentional. it just fit.

pretext quote

from the netflix series dark, about time travel, specifically time loops and alternate universes, and the doomed cycle a group of people loop themselves into while trying to indulge their most base desires for love and protection. the third season in particular follows the male protagonist's love interest as she becomes the protagonist, encountering her alternate selves, and finding herself standing opposite her love interest in the time war in order to save her world.

in context, this chapter is about gwen expanding her perspective-- meeting another version of herself (and prioritizing herself over that girl), realizing that the gwen stacy curse is endemic to the spider-man narrative, not just miles. and realizing that if she's going to stand a chance, she's going to have to adopt an antagonistic place in the story against spider-man.

gwen processes the consequences of the rejection

this is the anger chapter. it's gwen, having learned she'll die unless she takes one option, refusing that option, and coming to terms with how upset she is about it.

slowly, gwen is dissociating from being spider-woman. each chapter breaks the identity down a bit more. now, she's not sure what she is.

mattea murdock is a supporting character in spider-punk's miniseries; she's his world's daredevil. however given that comics-punk and movie-punk's worlds are vastly different, i didn't want to get too into depth. movie punk is a londoner from 1978; it wouldn't make sense for him to have an american peer group. anyway, mattea's a drummer, and in his comic hobie suggests she and gwen, his friend by that point, play together. within the bounds of this fic, she at the minimum lets her use her drumset.

gwen crying: this is a gwiles assassination fic, but it's the ship i have beef with. gwen would be upset about breaking up her friendship over it.

... and about some other things you'll learn about later.

those watches canonically have microphones and scanners on them. makes you wonder if they can be turned on remotely.

again, gwen and margo are not close. she has to have a limited presence as a result. but she does matter to miles's mostly-offscreen plotline, and her little microarc in atsv was great, so i wanted it here in some capacity.

"two loose threads that are all the more frayed" .... look. a relationship between gwen and miles is bad for their characters.

comics-hobie's band is called 'the spider-slayers' ..... or the spider-band, depending on the issue i guess.

"if gwen had been shown this future a year ago..." i don't like the ship, but i acknowledge the chemistry in this version; i can buy gwen being hung up on miles during her year alone, because he was that first other spider she met. if they never lost contact, i think they would have gotten together and been high school sweethearts. and if they did spend that year apart, but joined the society at the same time, the same is true.

but they didn't. gwen spent five months minimum hanging out with other spider-people, getting close to pav and hobie. why would she still be hung up on miles when she knows them better at this point? she and miles knew each other existed for three days, but probably spent a grand total of fifteen hours tops actually interacting. long enough to develop a crush, but not fall in love. and absolutely nothing in comparison to the months gwen spent with pav and especially hobie.

the in universe reason is that gwen's stunted emotionally. and if she's stunted, getting with miles can't help her grow. it'll just keep her in that same space even longer.

the out of universe reason reeks of 'the writers need gwen to be into miles, so they won't allow her to move on. she can't develop attachments to any other people, she can't progress in her plotlines. she can only tread water until miles laps her and allows her to swim after him.'

anyway. 'she blew it up.' at this point gwen's realizing that the only meaningful choices she can make are ones with negative consequences. also commentary on the tendency of the writers to scrub out gwen's less sympathetic actions. let the female character do the shitty thing.

no clue how far jess is into her pregnancy in canon. i figured now was about time for her to have the baby though, since she was visibly pregnant when gwen met her, and it's been six months since then.

earth-8 gwen canonically has brunch with other spider-women from other dimensions. just not jess.

spider-babysitting: what it felt like the comics were doing by cramming charlotte and max into gwen's storylines. the undercurrent has an unironic 'see how cute the spider-kids are? how smart and spunky and talented? wouldn't you hate it if they didn't exist, gwen? better go make them!' vibe that disgusts me.

who else is terrified gwen will have to meet her potential alternate future kids in btsv, and this shit'll repeat itself?

"they tangled the web" -- directly quoting earth-8's account of the gwiles wedding. i'm petty.

if gwiles get married in the comics, they'll batcat/kitty-and-colossus wedding that shit. huge event, tons of tie-ins, tons of variant covers, random fucking superheroes showing up for crossover. it'll be a spiderverse crossover where the guest list mostly consists of spider-people, and next to none of gwen's own cast. she'll be wearing a dress she'd never wear. there'll be some kind of bullshit enemy gwen and miles will Defeat With Their Love. and peter would absolutely be the one walking her down the aisle.

hobie gassing up the getaway car: because that's what he'd do if he were in character. spider-punk would hate this relationship.

margo getting stiffed: because the writers would forget her.

comics-gwen had an interesting vibe with kaine, one of peter's clones. both have a lot in common regarding being considered a replacement/copy of a 616 character. the same's probably true with ben, so i added that here. however, gwen being 16 isn't gonna be too interested in relating to him.

in the comics, em jay and glory grant are a couple. they are constantly breaking up and getting back together. idk if their film counterparts are, but i want it, so i'm including it.

and since in the movie it seems like gwen's really just part of the band and not the friend group, she pleads neutral.

randy robertson is a pal of the band during high school.

gwen and miles have to avoid each other for a while. they're teens who just went through an emotional unbreakup, and that's gonna have consequences on their friend group.

miles's offscreen for most of the rest of this fic. i still wanted to leave some suggestions as to what he's up to, and wanted to nod at his group-- peter b, who's mentoring him again (and using him for babysitting). the other mileses, because i can't not see him wanting to talk to them (perfect miles included, which'll come back). margo, because their little moment in atsv was great and i think they'd get along very well. and pav, who claims neutrality in the gwen-miles fallout.

hobie does too, but miles doesn't see it that way. as great as the potential for a mentorship to develop there is, at the end of the day, hobie knows gwen better, and any fifteen year old boy who just had his heart stomped on by his crush and thinks another guy is involved would not be interested in hanging out with him.

gwen as the center of the group: salt time! i hate how the fandom treats pav and hobie as Miles's Friends. they are, but that was gwen's friend group first. she's the one at the center, not him. it's a change to the typical only-girl-in-the-guy-group-is-only-tolerated-by-the-love-interest's-friends-bc-she's-his-gf dynamic that people sure did totally revert to.

and gwen being fearful about being replaced is indicative of her mindset. she's a gwen; it's in the narrative that she's swapped out for another girl. it follows that she's afraid miles will just trade out her for margo.

"everyone would agree about how horrible her fate was" look. gwen living and being spider-man's girlfriend isn't better than her dying. she's still giving up her life for his narrative. but the general fandom/audience don't seem to mind that. the most nauseating thing about this is that everyone's going to cheer as gwen's character is dismantled, and they're going to say it was a good thing.

hobie's tinkering will come back.

so will gwen having her shoulder dislocated.

notes on trans gwen:

gwen's trans coding in the film is one of the best new additions to this version of her. in the comics, she is cis, but has a lot of queer subtext, but nothing official yet, barring a 'meaningful look' between a tangential gwen variant and an mj, and an obviously censored queer romance between gwen goblin and her mj in an alternate world. hopefully we'll get there someday, but god knows if gwiles happens, that'll stop it.

the trans allegory here is used beautifully.

in terms of the fic, i thought it'd be interesting to explore the ramifications of gwen choosing to be a girl, and still choosing it while knowing the consequences.

but first she has to consider recloseting herself. there's no way she wouldn't at this point. and detransition is no different from denying her spider-senses or going through with the comphet.

also i have a headcanon for the timeline of gwen's transition which was used for this fic. gonna go ahead and dump it here.

so first of all, to state the obvious, gwen was raised and socialized as a boy for her entire childhood. it's canon that she played with action figures as a kid, and she holds her drumsticks like she was classically trained, so she'd have learned that in music class, where drums are typically a 'boy' instrument.

in my mind, gwen came out formally at around 11/12, in early middle school, right around when her mother died.

given the recent loss, her father was a lot more open-minded about it. because look: gwen's dad is a christian cop, and if her being spider-woman is an allegory for transness, then he probably wasn't thrilled when he first learned that she was trans either. having gwen as his only family left would've put things in perspective for him. so: he decides to accept it, but not without a lot of caveats.

caveats like: you need to behave like a girl if you want to be one. no more drumming, you're going to dance class. grow your hair out, and dress feminine, with lots of pink. no more action figures. (... and, some aspect of your birth name will remain in your legal one. hence, the middle name maxine.)

(... which makes gwen-8 having a son named max that they keep trying to force on gwen-65 all the more insidious. it's that literal.)

the family lost the forest hills house and moved to chelsea in particular because george figured it would be a better place for gwen.

by the time gwen's 13, when she's bitten by the spider, she's already publicly identifying as a girl. she's got her name changed, is going by she/her, is painting her nails, growing out her hair, and a ballet dancer.... and, longtime childhood friend peter parker has a crush on her that she has mixed feelings about.

i imagine around then's when the medical transition starts.

by 15, when she meets miles, she passes as a girl. the same way she passes as someone who belongs in his dimension.

when she joins the society at 16, she's made some progress in her medical transition, but hasn't had any surgeries. i get the sense that her dad wouldn't be cool with that.

but since nueva york's medicine is a hundred years ahead of whatever we have now, and probably free through the society, and combined with the super-healing factor, i imagine gwen goes for it. it's a way to get a little control over her situation and, as someone still sorting through how much of what's traditionally 'feminine' she wants and how much is imposed on her, she goes for everything. (the gwen at the end of this fic doesn't regret it, but probably would've transitioned differently in hindsight.)

so by the time we catch up to her in this fic, she's had and fully healed from top and bottom surgery and the hormones she's getting are different from the ones available today so they were a lot more efficient in a short amount of time. six years of progress in six months for a girl who's already six years deep into transitioning.

... as for the uterus, a few things:

1) it's a way to worldbuild nueva york's futuristic medical technology. why can't medical science 100 years from now be capable of growing and implanting new organs? and if it is... logically that includes reproductive organs. a natural extension of that technology would be incorporating it into gender affirmation surgery.

2) it's a part of the Gender Theming in this fic. society (and therefore the spider-society) treats fertility as the ultimate sign of True Womanhood. gwen's transness / inabilityy to get pregnant would be regarded as a flaw to be fixed. her not wanting to get pregnant would be too. (note jess's reaction. she's a woman who does want to be a mother, who's unable to empathize with or understand why gwen doesn't feel the same) and gwen sticking to her guns about it, despite the stigma, is another major step in figuring out what gender means to her. fertility doesn't have to have anything to do with femininity if you don't want it to.

3) spider-gwen (gwen stacy in general, tbh; anytime a gwen variant has kids, it just feels off. case in point, earth 8) isn't a character with any maternal interests or instincts. it's not because she's infertile, or emotionally closed off, or traumatized, or hasn't found the right guy yet. she simply doesn't want to be a mother. for some reason people, men in particular, have trouble believing this about women, fictional AND real. no surprise that the first chance brian michael bendis got, he wrote a Perfect Future for gwen where she pumps out miles's spiderbabies. ugh.

4) aside from the gross misunderstanding of spider-gwen's character, there's a more insidious side to gwen-8's status as a mother: it traps her with miles forever. people, men in particular, really suck at perceiving women, real AND fictional, as people in general and that perception walks off a cliff when they become mothers. in fiction, it's very common for female characters to stop being characters and start being Moms who take a backseat in stories they used to be the center of. it's especially bad in comics.

you know damn well the second gwen gets pregnant with Miles's Babies, she'll have to have them, and suddenly be written with a case of mommybrain that'll last forever. if gwiles date, they can break up; if they marry they can divorce; but if gwen gets pregnant, she'll have to stay with him forever, she'll immediately be demoted to the role of Miles's Kids' Mother and she'll never be her own person with her own stories again. and if she ever gets away from him, she'll be demonized-- if she takes the kids, she'll be hated. if she leaves them, she'll be hated (and the kids'll inevitably keep showing up to guilt her and drag her back to their father). by making gwiles parents in earth-8, bendis basically babytrapped gwen (... and wrote miles into the kind of guy who would do that to a woman he 'loves').

the spider-society's absolutely gearing up to do that to gwen here. she's just not entirely cognizant of that yet.

gwen goes to mumbattan

within this fic's timeline, miles's first alternate dimension was mumbattan, like the film. unlike the film, gwen just took him there to show him what it was like to jump dimensions right after he joined.

gwen meeting gayatri was one of the big reasons for this fic. bullshit that atsv introduces her and gwen both knows the gwen curse and does nothing when gayatri's in danger on that bridge.

gayatri singh is a model; you can see her face on billboards in the background during the mumbattan sequence.

wendy. another peter pan reference, along with gwen's group being a bunch of lost boys. and a play on hobie's nickname for her.

new amsterdam; if mumbattan's new york in this world, what's nyc?

gayatri's an original creation for the film. she's got the g.s. initials, the captain dad, the first-love status, yet she's a model, like mj usually is. interesting hybrid.

'the future looks good on her' is a line from catherynne valente's refrigerator monologues, written in response to gwen's death in the amazing spider-man 2

in the comics, gwen has such a big female support system. the mary janes are her friends, aunt may is a mother figure, jessica is her mentor, cindy is her friend... and none of that is in the film. the mjs are just a gig, and betty (65a gwen's roommate) is the first to jump at the chance to replace her; peter was her only childhood friend. jess is strict and manipulative. she has no female friends, and all the people she confides in and has positive relationship with are guys. i hate that. i wanted gwen to get to have at least one female friendship in this fic. gayatri was the right fit.

comics gwen is always interacting with her alternate selves. she's compelled to find them. it's such an important part of her narrative that i just find... odd that atsv totally ignores. not here though!

at this point, gwen just wants to be a teenage girl again before she dies.

gwen being trans-coded redeemed the ballerina addition for me; it changes the context from 'we're taking this punkish ambiguously-queer girl and femmeing her up for the mainstream audience as we introduce her as a love interest to miles/obviously as The Girl Hero she needs to have a graceful appearance and fighting style' to 'a trans girl went into ballet to access the kind of femininity reserved only for ballerinas, and once she got what she needed from it, she let it go.' more agency, and the subversiveness is back.

meera jain is from pav's comics. so is habi oberoi, the harry osborn. i'm assuming meera's still a party girl, just not a model in this version. also, ref to it taking a tragedy to get meera to grow up = that tragedy's gonna be gayatri's death. that's how mj matures.

hobie's probably the person who did gwen's hair in canon.

selfishness is a thread that'll pick up again soon. yes, it was selfish to turn down miles's feelings and not want to contribute to his narrative. there's also nothing wrong with that. why does the female character always have to give up her autonomy to support the guy's story?

spider-man india's doc ock does have six arms.

adjustment to canon: to accommodate gwen's narrative, everything happens slower. instead of shit popping off the first day miles joins, it takes a few months. his arc's still happening (vital that gwen not be his motivation, just as miles is not hers), just offscreen. hence, saving captain singh. in the context of this fic, singh dies in a confrontation with ock, not the spot; and gwen isn't in the fight at all, nor is gayatri. and miles in mumbattan is a problem because spiders are not permitted to fight each others' canon villains, only anomalies. ergo, the interference is still a huge faux pas.

presumably miles gets chewed out the same, but in the fic, gwen is not there.

the very sapphic vibe of gwen and gayatri's interactions is on purpose. comics-gwen is so clearly queer, and movie-gwen, while being trans-coded, lacks the sapphic interactions of her predecessor. i'd like to restore them. and to bridge that gap, movie-gwen's not entirely aware that she's into girls yet.

everything goes to shit

at this point gwen still thinks she'll die and that the narrative is unbeatable; but she is starting to look for ways to rebel within its limits.

and she does come to the very important conclusion that she should be able to save herself.

the train sequence was pretty much unoutlined. it's one of my favorites.

turning point here: gwen does not want to die, even if it means sacrificing herself. she doesn't want to placate the web of life and destiny, and she likes telling it to fuck off.

but adding some shades of gray to the situation is important. and so is preserving the part of spider-gwen's backstory where her white feminism bites her in the ass. in the comics, it's when she commits some police brutality against peter parker. in the movies, it's when she doesn't stick up for the black kid who she led into a situation that was going to hurt him. since gwen and miles are in different places in this fic, and that transgression doesn't happen (to the same extent; she still brought him there, she just doesn't participate in the chase), that fell to pav.

yes, this is a girl intervening on behalf of another girl to save her from a situation in which she has no agency, that's about fluffing her boyfriend's ego. and that girl has completely understandable reasons to expect the situation to end badly and want to step in.

but. this is also a white girl crashing into a person of color's story and hijacking it to make it about the white girl saving the day, rather than the girl of color being saved. it's a westerner disrupting the story of a nonwestern person, set within a nonwestern cultural context that she does not understand, because she assumes that context can't be different, or in some ways better than her own. and she's doing so without consulting the girl of color and asking her what she'd like to do about this. gwen absolutely does not deserve to be commended for what she does here, and she isn't. but she can't quite be condemned either. and she isn't.

the pav conversation

spider-gwen isn't a savior so much as she's a destroyer. she kills peter parker, she isn't particularly great at saving people, and her mere presence challenges the idea that gwen has to die AND that she can't have her own narrative. it's... odd that the movies don't seem to understand that gwen is just as necessary in breaking canon as miles. hopefully btsv gets it, but i'm leaning towards no.

the fandom's gone over this elsewhere but the theory that gayatri knows pav is spider-man and is playing naive is fun. i like it. another ripple in the web.

gwen's decided to seek and save herself, but she's still putting gayatri in a box, lying to her, keeping important information from her, treating her like an object to obtain in her narrative. she needs a wake-up call, and this is it.

and if gayatri's a gwen, she'd hate being shut out of her own narrative. this friendship was always gonna blow up.

gwen gets to be selfish, but she also has to reap the consequences of being selfish: ruining a potential friendship with gayatri, not at all realizing that hobie and pav have their own dynamic.

it's interesting that hobie and pav represent the two halves of miles-- the subversive, brilliant boy with a connection to the prowler and an intimate bond with gwen, and the green spider-man with an optimism and ease that hasn't been jaded yet. it's important to note that they are also their own people, and reducing them to that to imply that gwen is only friends with them because she was using them as miles replacement goldfish reduces everyone. especially gwen, because surprise-surprise, she can care about people who are not miles!

lady spider is from the steampunk universe. hard to imagine that the two guys who hate the british government would enjoy being around a literal victorian.

one of pav's few confirmed traits in the film is his ability to 'read' people. honestly i think he has it so the writers can hamfist in some "romantic tension" comments, but it's an interesting angle to his character. also refreshing that the girl isn't the empathetic one.

the fandom's himbofied him, but it's important to remember that pavitr is very smart. he has good instincts, and is tapped into the group's dynamics. also stands to reason that he can use his charisma to manipulate.

comic miles has canonically written romantic fanfic starring himself and his friends. pav has that vibe too.

miles's suspension: his arc continues off-page. in this fic, he isn't imprisoned or kicked out, because he needs to come back with the society later (excused via peter b pulling rank to save him). but he's still chewed out for interfering with a canon event, and his motivation is still saving someone's captain dad. difference is, here he's a member of the society already, his dad makes captain much later, and that triggers him into intervening-- suddenly his death feels immediate. therefore, desperation ensues.

pav being a gwiles shipper is a fun feature of his character... but it's not so fun if gwen doesn't want to be with him.

but he IS right that gwen and miles need to talk. they're both grappling with the restrictions of their narratives, and both have what it takes to break out.

gwobie glasses on: so if pav immediately susses out romantic tension between gwen and miles, one has to reason that him insisting on gwen clearing the air about hobie means something is or was going on between them too.

pav's a one-girl kind of guy. he probably doesn't get how to deal with a relationship anarchy situation. gwiles is easier to understand, not just for him, but for everyone else.

miles's dadsaving anxiety is compounded because he thinks that gwen believes he's a bad spider-man. he's still not quite at the right conclusion yet. since pav is in contact with him, he will be soon.

pavitr prabhakar is an alternate peter parker, and a spider-man. he is gwen's type. if she were the gwen of itsv, the gwen who could have been happy with miles if they'd stayed in contact after she went home, it stands to reason she might have also crushed on him.

pav doesn't seem to know about canon events. gwen and hobie do; ergo, they've been keeping them from him, probably to protect him. which was likely gwen’s idea, given how she keeps things from miles in canon. (… and hobie went along with it, so on some level he agrees that it’s necessary, or his soft spot for her is just that strong)

and pav, like any spider-man, is too optimistic and scrappy to believe he can't save gayatri. this issue runs far deeper than just miles; it's all of them.

people in the fandom have this tendency to neglect spider-man in favor of pavitr. yes, he’s sweet and romantic and goofy, but he’s also extremely smart and effective as a hero. dude joined the elites just a few weeks into his time as a hero.

learning that gwen fully intended to die freaks pav out. everything past that point is him trying to deescalate a situation he's judging as serious.

soulmate salt: that theory running through the fandom that the reason why gwen senses that miles is in another dimension and is drawn to him at visions is proof that they're soulmates who are meant for each other, with a destined love.... with all due respect that sucks. if the spiderverse movies are all about getting to choose your fate and define your own narrative, ending on a note of 'well, you're stuck together because of destiny' undoes all that.

and gwen being soulmates with a boy who's destined to either get her killed or totally consume her narrative and turn her into a side character in his own? in every single universe? fuuuuuuck that.

and not being able to hate him? always being doomed to love him, even when being near him only ever hurts her? terrifying.

gwen webs pav because he brings up jess. if he mentioned miles she would have run, if it was hobie she’d have stayed. but its jess, so she hits the panic button.

and pav brings up jess because he’s a fifteen year old who was essentially told by a friend he’s been worried about for months that she’s more or less contemplating suicide. he’s calling the adult who’s supposed to be caring for her.

that danger of falling into villainy is a constant for spider-people. gwen in particular spends her entire latour run in the comics right on that edge. movie-gwen is at that point in her development. (and there's really no worse person to talk to in this situation than pav, who's never had experience with that kind of temptation and therefore cannot understand it).

gwen still isn't ready to see selfishness as anything other than a negative. that plus her wrecking the narrative means she is very much entertaining whether she's about to turn into a villain.

that was the original version of this fic: a story about a gwen who concludes there's no way for her and spider-man to coexist, and becomes a hunter of spider-men whose gwens are still alive in order to tip the balance in their favor.

65a gwen killing peter is what fuels her reluctance towards killing and her empathy for her villains. 65b gwen never did that-- so that violence is still in her, and she hasn't seen its consequences yet. therefore it's a lot harder to resist. 65a gwen believes she's a bad person; 65b gwen falls into that line of thinking here.

gwen officially loses faith in the idea that she's Not Like Other Gwens. she's not more special than them. she's not more incorruptible.

gwen contemplating killing pav was something i hadn't planned on, but it came out while writing the scene. hopefully her managing to shut that impulse down makes it work. she's able to pull herself back from villainy just in time.

and finally, gwen destroying the wall with her fists is her trying to get out all that unspent violence she would have given to her peter. venting the rage, but in a way that avoids harming anyone but herself.

end quote

from seanan mcguire's ghost-spider run, the funeral issue. again, i can't recommend these comics enough, or this run enough, or this issue enough.

in context, gwen in this chapter is at one of her lowest points emotionally. she's blown up two friendships, potentially fucked up someone else's narrative, and she thinks she might be becoming a villain.

[nonchalant-taste]

I wish I was a better writer. I'd love to write a stuffing fic that focuses on a post game Aki.ra and him coming to terms with his own appetite. A healing kind of fic, you know? I've always hc'd that he has a large appetite, but holds back to be polite / not a bother due to things people have said to him before. He eats out so often with friends and seems to enjoy going all around Tokyo to try new meals, but there's so much commentary in the game about how despite all this, he still doesn't eat properly. From Mor.gana... his actions in Leblanc... And Especially when it comes to post-December. The game even tells you he lost a ton of weight, to the point that it's the first thing the thieves notice. I'd imagine after coming back from jail he'd have a much harder time than before too; probably going so far as to pass up curry in the mornings because he just can't bring himself to.

It'd be sweet to see the thieves band together to try and encourage him and help him get back into old habits. Ryu.ji and Ha.ru probably being *especially* encouraging haha. But yeah, people suggesting to go out to eat for hangouts-- like A.nn raving about a new crepe he has to try, or Ryu.ji dragging him off to a ramen place for a breather-- always pointing him towards seconds if he's up for it. Maybe even specifically picking places they know Aki.ra would enjoy, or at least used to enjoy. Aki.ra probably has no qualms with it when it's someone else wanting to go (And how can he deny seconds when Ryu.ji is so excited for him to try this new flavour like that,) but he won't ever suggest places himself.

They probably take it as a huge W when one day he does ask to go out though. Externally they're all normal about it of course, but there's a huge unspoken sigh of relief. As the months of this go on, it gets more natural for him to take seconds (And even thirds,) without their goading, and he's definitely begun to put on some weight. (Probably by the end of it, more than he started out with. His casual shirts fit far more snugly, but he's too happy making memories and excitedly indulging himself for once with his friends to care.)

He's smart enough to catch on to what they're doing, but I think Aki.ra would be pretty touched by the fact that they're all making a conjoined effort as opposed to upset or anything. It'd probably be a bit embarrassing to learn how they've doted on him (And how he totally fell for it without noticing in those first couple weeks?) but yeah, ultimately he's glad for it. It's hard to stay mopey and away from food when you've got people like Ha.ru offering premium shit. (Aki.ra's a chronic anti-waster and you KNOW she'd take advantage of that. He'd be wolfing down 'leftovers' until bursting with her.)

Ah, I just realized this post doesn't have a lot of stuffing, oops. I'll admit I'm mostly focused on the healing aspect of it, but once Aki.ra realizes the others are accepting (and some even into,) his appetite he'd definitely try to push his limits out of curiosity. Sure, he could put it back no problem when he was younger, but he's grown a lot now and so did his hunger, probably. If he can take down the cosmic tower burger down with ease (Hell, even two of them back to back? I'm still reeling from that bit in one of the mangas where he eats two for Yus.uke. He doesn't even get sick from it. He doesn't even FEEL sick from it.) then just what else can he do...?

whoops. this got long. sorry for clogging up the dash i just needed to get my thoughts out. ✌️ eating and wg as a form of healing is everything to me. Aki.ra, the one who never asks for anything and never takes more than he needs, finally getting the chance to just go all out and enjoy himself is everything to me. Does he not deserve it. Take him back to the Wilton buffet you monsters,

[blahandwhatever]

Medical News Today

Long-Term Care

My prime preoccupation for the past month or so has been my health and, specifically, once again, my supplements and chemical balance. Once again, I got some of the weird feelings and symptoms I had for a while earlier this year, before experimenting with my calcium, magnesium, and iron and concluding I should keep taking all of them; once again, these were my prime suspects. But this time, I was extra-heavy on numbness and tingling and coordination issues. And I scoured the internet anew, overwhelmed by possibilities and underwhelmed by the extremely limited, incomplete information on every website, thinking I should someday make a big spreadsheet of all the possible symptoms of every possible nutrient deficiency or excess. Of course, there’s also always the possibility that I actually have A Disease, but I have to get the more likely basics covered before I consider that.

And I experimented, and I felt various types of bad, and I felt various types of better. This time, some of my worst-feeling days were the ones when I took magnesium - generally a safe supplement, and one I don’t take huge doses of, but it is probably the thing I’ve been supplementing the longest (since the Age of Anxiety) and also something I probably get enough of from my diet; it’s possible that, no longer living in anxious times, I no longer need the extra dose (there was, however, one time it helped when I got agitated. maybe its use should be as-needed). Some of my best-feeling days were ones when I took none of the three suspects - but then, there were random ones that differed. Another suspect I considered was my zinc and copper supplement, and zinc in particular, as I also took separate zinc gummies sometimes. The results on that one were pretty inconclusive, but I erred on the side of caution, reduced its frequency, and skipped the gummies altogether. I also upped my B12, as I’d somewhat neglected that one lately, and considered the additional possibility of too much vitamin D but thus far have done no experimenting on it (bit inconvenient, as it’s part of my fish oil supplement, and also I think the main negative effects of excess vitamin D are due to resulting excess calcium absorption, so a) might as well focus on testing calcium directly and b) I’m honestly skeptical I’d have too much calcium even with the supplements because, given what I tend to get from my diet, it just doesn’t add up. ALSO I’ve paid close attention to how I’ve felt before and after taking different supplements each day and never felt a difference after the fish oil/vitamin D supplement).

Overall, I’ve come to feel and look and function better over time, for the most part, with a lot of ups and downs and no firm conclusions yet. It’s always a good idea to be cautious and conservative with supplementation. However, I still feel I benefit from some of my supplements, and some, I’m trying to figure out whether I should eliminate completely or just reduce. Currently, I’m feeling the most negative about the iron. I’ve mostly been skipping it and felt markedly worse the last couple of times I took it. The last time I took it, I had cold hands and orthostatic hypotension. It helped with those but made me feel worse overall. Questions continue to arise.

Urgent Care

A few days ago, I scratched myself by the neck with a long, jagged nail. Just barely - I thought nothing of it. Sometimes I’ll scratch myself when my nails get too long. Things got a little red, but I figured it’d go away soon.

The next day, the redness spread wider. Weird. A little concerning. But I trusted my body to do its thing. Took my zinc & copper supplement and felt better after a somewhat lethargic day.

By today, there were long streaks up my neck and down my chest. Bad. Very bad. The internet urged me to see a doctor ASAP.

And so I spent half this day trying to figure out, and go about, the best way to get treated. I searched around for high-rated urgent care clinics, explored their services and prices. I drove up to one in Northbrook, but it was about to close, and I didn’t go. Found the next best thing, open later, in Mount Prospect. Made an appointment, came back home, charged my dying phone, squeezed in a few quick tasks, and drove to the clinic.

I was a bit nervous - it had been almost a decade since I had seen a doctor. Wondered if they’d find me a mess just like the dentist did.

But it went pretty quickly and painlessly. My blood pressure was high, but they didn’t comment on it - maybe it was normal under the circumstances. No concerns about my lungs or heart. I got prescribed an antibiotic and told to use Neosporin.

By this point, it was 8 PM, and all the nearby pharmacies were closed. I found an open one in Palatine - at the Walgreens with the same address as my local one, where once upon a time GPS had brought me by mistake. So I drove way up there from Mount Prospect, and I dropped off my prescription, and it wouldn’t be ready for an hour and a half, so there wasn’t much to do but go home and come back.

And finally, by 10 PM, I had it all wrapped up, and I took my scary bright-red antibiotic, cringing at the thought of wiping out my microbiome, but oh well - it happens to the best of us.

Honestly kinda disappointed in my immune system for not having handled this better. I’ve had so many worse scratches and sores over the years that didn’t develop any issues. This was really such an odd one. Did I have some particularly bad bacteria on my hands, or was I particularly weak. Did reducing my zinc and vitamin C (which I only really take together with iron) supplements weaken my immunity? Today I took a zinc gummy and felt better after that one too. I’m thinking that isn’t something I need to limit supplementing.

But I also didn’t do anything about the scratch to begin with - again, because it seemed negligible. So, lesson learned there - I probably should have been alarmed by the redness much sooner. I bet some prompt disinfection could have stopped this in its tracks. Kinda mad I don’t get to see the alternate universe where one of my trusty gentle natural solutions - manuka honey, tamanu oil, coconut oil - prevents this whole thing. I’ve literally not had to use anything else to prevent skin infections in like 7+ years. I mean, I do keep rubbing alcohol, and sometimes antibiotic ointment, in stock in case any of those ever fail to work, but that has never happened.

Thankfully, this urgent healthcare need didn’t devastate my poor, uninsured ass (I sure wish I’d known the massive difference between ERs and urgent care clinics when I was younger). And the antibiotic somehow only cost me… $5? Rare win for the US healthcare system.

[evokersapprentice]

Pros and CON

As a relatively new player who is just about figuring out how the game works, I was wondering if I had any tips for my past self, any wisdom to offer for those just starting out. Funnily enough, my insight may be mostly to do with my lack of Wisdom, given that it just stopped me from multiclassing as a cleric.

It's not necessarily a lack of knowledge. I recently did a deep dive into some of the detail of the game, and I would heartily recommend that, but I wouldn't say it's required. A great thing about D&D is that it can be as complex or as simple as you want it to be. You get out what you put in, but you can still have a lot of fun as a complete novice.

Some of the older heads you hear from get snobbish about people who don't want to do the reading, or are only interested in certain areas of the game, but I'm not keen on all that gatekeeping. Even within my party there are various levels of enthusiasm for various things, and we just complement each other. If they don't care about optimisation and just want to play dress up, that works fine for me.

I got through a good few levels without knowing what a rogue was (although spelling it seems to put me in the top few percentiles of forum users) and it hasn't hurt me at all. The one thing I would say with hindsight, as a wizard, is to think early on about your build if you think there's any chance you'll want to later. You have limited decision points, and they lock you in forever, so when you later know what you're doing you might regret it. Your future self could be grateful for a little forward planning now.

It starts at day one, with your character sheet ability scores. Mine was pre-made, and I've worn those limits ever since. For example, others in the party are now looking to multiclass, and I can't take a level in cleric (or druid, or bard or sorcerer), because I don't have the Wisdom (or Charisma) you need. You may want to think about that.

You then have precious few chances to build on that starting point. At levels four, eight, twelve, sixteen and nineteen, you can either add two points to these scores or take a feat (if you're playing that way). I made my choices at level four without thinking about my overall plan, and that's limited my options now as well. I'm not saying that you need to optimise your character, but there are ways to make them better at whatever you want them to do.

Some of these points are conditional on how long you expect your campaign to last, given that some builds work better in the short term, medium term, long term, or you may just want to get the things you need now rather than planning for the future.

As wizards, I think we're both better and worse off than other classes. We have more decision points, as we get to choose new spells at every level, and unlike most casters we're limited to those spells and can't choose from the whole list each day. Those decisions are locked in, so the random spells you picked early on are two better spells that you now don't know.

But compared to martial characters, our ability scores and even feats don't feel as crucial. Magic can cover over most of our deficiencies, whereas they need to hone themselves into a specialised fighting machine to keep up. If you're a wizard going all the way to the endgame, you probably don't need to worry about power, because you're destined for omnipotence at level 17. You just probably don't want to delay that much with multiclassing.

In my campaign so far, I've been more concerned about the other side. Young wizards are extremely fragile, and with no worries about doing damage I've been mostly looking for ways to wrap my character in cotton wool. You may want to plan around that as well. Investment in AC, HP, saving throws, that kind of thing. Not feeling afraid every time a bad guy looks your way, pleading for the tank to save you. You don't need to be a tank yourself, but you need a little bit of weight so you're not knocked down by a breeze.

For all of their strengths, wizards also contend with a lot of different limiting factors. They can only learn those two spells per level, whereas others get access to a full list, and have to make sure they choose the right ones at the time and for the future. They can also only prepare a certain number of spells per day: at the moment that's 13 for me, which feels like a lot, but there are easily over 13 spells I'd like access to in case they came up, and that list is only going to grow as I keep learning stronger spells at high levels.

Wizards can do so many different things, but you're restricted and made to choose which of them you want to do with your build, and then again on any given day. Then you only have a handful of spell slots, and even fewer at each level. Then there's action economy: everybody is limited to one action per turn, except that some of the other classes get multiple attacks or bonus actions, and wizards are further limited by only being able to cast one levelled spell per turn.

Finally, we have to think about concentration, which seriously limits the number of our more powerful spells we can use to one per combat. Everything has a massive opportunity cost. If I use a fifth level concentration spell, that means a) I use up my action for that turn, b) I can't use a spell as a bonus action, c) I lose a fifth level spell slot, which seriously dents my capabilities for the rest of the day, d) I can't cast any of my other concentration spells whilst it lasts. Any wizard-building may want to look at loosening those restrictions as much as possible.

I would say take all other guidance with a pinch of salt. There's an awful lot of unqualified and unhelpful guidance out there, probably including a lot of what I've had to say. A lot of it's down to subjective opinion: so much depends on your DM, your party, your role, and what you actually enjoy. You'll see discussions of a spell where they haven't actually read the T&Cs properly, or without mentioning that their campaign plays a certain house rule that makes it work.

Even two of the more comprehensive guides to wizardry, from Treatmonk (spells here) and RPGBOT (spells here), can offer massively different conclusions. The former ranks Hold Monster as a mid-tier spell, the latter holds it up as one of the best. I find such guides to be useful as a reference, but I often come away with a difference in opinion. Every game is unique and you can find a niche for whatever build you like. It's just about making sure your choices complement each other, and ideally the rest of your party.

As a personal example, both of those guides are fairly in agreement that the purpose of a wizard is battlefield control, to cast save-or-suck spells to debuff the bad guys and leave them vulnerable for your teammates to finish off. I don't really do that, for three reasons. One, my druid really enjoys that role, and I find myself best deployed doing something else. Second, I was set up as an evocation blaster, and feel that there's an incentive to lean into that. Third, I don't really want to.

In my adventures thus far, I've found that our enemies are either weak enough for us to deal with the old fashioned way (hit them with a load of damage as quickly as possible), in which case save-or-suck is an unnecessary delay compared to blasting, or so strong that they can probably resist me (for example, some monsters have +6 to saving throws against my 16 DC), in which case they're of limited use, especially if they also hog my concentration.

There's a half chance that I'll get them to stick for one round, but then there's another saving throw, and an equal chance that I've achieved nothing at all. I've seen suggestions that aggressive use of Silvery Barbs can make those spells more of a certainty, but a) I'm the only one in my party who knows it, so it's only one re-roll per round b) I'm not made of spell-slots, and c) I don't want to push it and annoy my DM too much.

Then there's dragons to consider. We're in a fairly dragon-heavy campaign, where the big foes who can't be simply blasted aside are often draconic in flavour. All of the adults have Legendary Resistance, allowing them the ability to turn a failed saving throw into a success, three times a day. If they're succeeding at least half of the time anyway, you've got to waste an average of seven or eight save-or-suck spells before one actually hits. At that stage, the fight is over and you could have done 200+ damage instead.

My biggest frustration in combat is wasting a turn, and wasting a spell slot, given all of the limitations above. Wizards don't have enough of these things to throw away, and I want to make them count: perhaps via other forms of battlefield control, perhaps by buffing my friends, perhaps just by dealing damage, but all things which are guaranteed to have some sort of impact.

Given all of the above, my priorities to cover over wizard limitations are as follows:

Gain more spell slots, if possible, or find a way to reduce avoidable spell usage (e.g. Mage Armour each morning).

Raise the cap on the number of different spells I can prepare.

Protect myself from damage. As well as my health, my concentration spells are expensive, and I don't want to lose it.

I sometimes wish I was a Bladesinger (with flowers in my hair), but discovered that subclass long after I'd been assigned Evocation as a novice who didn't know what it meant. I live Evocation, but sometimes I do think longingly about what a cool ability Bladesong is. Adding your INT modifier to both AC and concentration saving throws is tasty, especially as you were going to maximise it anyway (so it's between +3 and +5).

I think you can rebuild it in the aggregate, maybe even better, but at the cost of some of your upgrades. A dip into Artificer would seem to be the ideal alternative. If you start there, you get both proficiency in medium armour and shields and in CON saving throws. It costs you a level's delay in terms of learning spells, but you get to the same place in the end.

The Bladesinger can only wear light armour, so their best bet is probably Mage Armour for a 13 + DEX + INT total. For me that would be an AC of 19 at the moment. The ArtWiz would get the same total with medium armour, a shield, and the same +2 to DEX. They would then save a first level spell slot per day, which as another use of Silvery Barbs (or any better alternative in the moment) is not to be sneezed at.

The Bladesinger has a higher ceiling (they can add another +1 to INT, and keep increasing their DEX if they like), but I think at that stage you're already maxing out AC's usefulness. With the Shield spell up your sleeve, very few attacks are going to be hitting on a 24, and of those there are very few which would then miss on a 25, 26, 27. The marginal benefit decreases the higher that you go.

In addition, as a general point, I think it's worth noting that AC is not as important for wizards as it may seem at first, when you get your character sheet with that big number in the middle. Unless you come across a lot of archers, it's mainly for character who are going to be in melee range, in which case the more obvious solution is just to get out of there.

Wizards will usually lurk at the back of the party, and most of the ranged attacks they face will be of the saving throw variety, like a dragon's breath, which makes AC useless. It's worth having at a decent level for those odd moments, including surprise attacks (like when I got myself surrounded by kobolds and had to self-immolate with a fireball on myself), but pushing it higher and higher will never make you invulnerable.

Whilst we're talking about the Bladesinger's cons, it's important to note that they don't have a bonus to CON saving throws in general, only concentration ones. That's nice, but concentration is sort of a second-order defence: if you're making a concentration save, you've already been hit, so you have other problems. It would be better to stop the damage in the first place. For many ranged attacks, CON or DEX function like AC, so it's worth pumping one or both up in their own right. It might even save your life.

For illustration, a white dragon's breath attack needs a CON saving throw against a 19 DC, or face an average of 54 damage. If it hits, you've got to run a concentration save to beat 27, which is impossible even with a +5 INT modifier. Given a wizard's low HP, you may also be dead. It would be much better to have a +4 to CON in the first place, potentially saving you from full damage in the initial check, and then still get that +4 to concentration if it did come down to that.

I've come across CON saving throws out of combat too, and it would be annoying to lose concentration on my fifth-level summon because the fighter trod on a poisonous mushroom, or have all your preparation taken out by the same dragon's lair effects before they even turn to attack you. Being able to add your proficiency bonus, which scales at least as quickly as your INT modifier will, could be every bit as handy as the AC boost.

You could grab Bladesinger as well as your first level in Artificer, to really supercharge your concentration, but then it would prevent you from enjoying your newfound armour proficiency. Many multiclass builds like to match subclasses which have 'synergy', but there's often a lot of wastage in the overlap because that subclass is supposed to compensate for NOT being a fighter or whatever. You may get just as much by letting Artificer solve these particular problems and going with a different school for another flavour of benefit.

Annoyingly, I can't do either of the options above, and have to settle with third choice: starting at Wizard and dipping into Artificer at a later stage. This still gives me the benefit of armour, but I don't get any sort of CON protection. My only route to that is picking up a feat later on, which I may well end up doing (Resilient and investing in CON anyway for HP and saving throws), but that's still a big opportunity cost.

But ideal timing or not, I still think a one level dip into Artificer is worthwhile. You don't miss out on spell slots at all, you're still INT based, and you get the chance to pick up a decent number of Artificer spells (two cantrips and five first level spells for me). They're all at low levels, so it's sort of a choice between seven weak spells or two strong ones. That already feels like a fair trade-off if you're looking for more flexibility, but there are also three benefits to choosing the seven.

First, it's flexibility on top of flexibility. Artificers don't learn spells like wizards do; they prepare them each day from a much wider list. This means that you aren't actually limited to seven spells, just seven spells on any given day. You can see what you use or not and switch it up. Second, it's much more choice on each of those days. Because you can prepare these spells as an Artificer, they don't count against your ~13 prepared spells as a wizard. You can even re-take wizarding favourites, like Feather Fall or Absorb Elements, to free up space for a higher level wizard spell. This massively loosens one of your main restrictions to future growth.

Finally, the Artificer has access to spells you would otherwise never have access to, such as Guidance, Sanctuary or Cure Wounds from the Cleric playbook. You can always find a way to learn more wizard spells, if you find a library or wizard to teach you, but other class's abilities are usually off-limits. These options let you be a lot more versatile, and allow you to find a use for lower level slots which might have otherwise been wasted.

In summary, armour serves to both protect you from damage (saving both HP and concentration) and spare you your Mage Armour both as a daily spell slot and as a prepared spell. The starting CON proficiency, if you can get it, likewise helps protect you from damage (saving HP once and concentration twice). Artificer spellcasting massively increases your number of prepared spells and widens your options in every way. It's not a bad haul.

Another detail of my planned build is that I took Fae Transportation as a feat. It's only a 'half feat', allowing me to increase my INT by one, which already lessens the cost, and I think that overall it's been worth sacrificing another INT increase. Not only because I got to learn two useful spells which I didn't previously know (Misty Step and Silvery Barbs), but because I effectively gained two spell slots (at first and second level) and two prepared spells (as they don't count against my thirteen). As those limitations start to bite, I feel like that sort of benefit is overlooked.

But concentration is still the thing that holds my attention. I don't want to waste my spells: most people recommend maximising your save DC for that reason, but I want to max my CON too. If I was building a new character, I might start with Artificer, then go Bladesinger, then take War Caster instead of Resilient (due to already having proficiency).

Investing a little more in CON over some of my wasted stats could then give a +11 (+3 CON +4 INT + proficiency) bonus on CON saving throws at this stage, which is enough to guarantee 24 damage doesn't shake your concentration, plus advantage on those rolls to make you pretty safe beyond that. It's just the breath attacks you need to dodge, and there are other ways around those. Blink, Sanctuary, Mirror Image are all non-concentration spells you can cast before a big combat. A Draconic Spirit can lend you a resistance of your choice. A wizard can actually be pretty hard to hurt, which is just the way I want them.

[yoshimonster]

Blog #11: Reaching Next Levels of Existentialism

This past week and a bit has been so strange. I believe I started it by doing a hackathon – which, if you don’t know, is basically a weekend long challenge where you have to make a product or even propose a product by the end of the 48 hr time period. There are also random mingling activities hackathons do, typically a getting to know you type event or trivia nights etc. It’s not a bad idea at all, but typically if you apply with a group you just stick with that group over the next couple of days. I think the socialising towards the end of the hackathon is when things get actually interesting and connections form. Forming new connections always takes time.

I also, since Monday this week, have been watching so many geopolitics of the world videos and it’s gotten me to recalibrate part of my life. I believe I was just looking up some random Kpop news which turned into me googling North Korea, which then turned into looking up world news. A lot of the videos are super history-centric and focused on the aftermath of a series of events … yep I can relate to the aftermath of a series of events a lot. It touches on what I said in earlier entries, where I talk about the exhaustion of navigating through tough situations/putting up a front and how draining that can be. It’s been really interesting how certain world events that happen, especially the really major life changing ones, and then decades later the effects would be felt or people would continue to be hung up about them. I reckon that’s a part of life.

I really used to dismiss the long-term impacts of my decisions which I’m sure is clear from everything earlier and treat life sort of like a video game. You have a challenge you overcome it and then you move onto the next challenge. Despite this, I’ve always been such a fantasy lover and Harry Potter was my entire childhood – I just loved the idea of some mystical external being coming over and whisking me away to a land where I wouldn’t be so hopeless and in fact people liked me by default. Though, I’m not sure that I would’ve handled things are gracefully as Harry did back then – I was given way too much lenciency and freedom as a child that I was almost paralysed with the freedom I had.

I feel like this is quite privileged thing to say; people sacifirce their lives for such freedom and ability to pursue their dreams. But, regardless, that was my experience and it feels wrong to discount the fact that you kind of need a balance between firmness and freedom to deal with things as they come. I remember after a long time of being so confused and not sure of anything, that I got to see people living under such harsh conditions. I, in a weird twisted way, wanted me to live under those conditions … ultimately I would be so much more productive than I currently was. I followed this feeling with the sheer amount of workload I had, but this caused me to fall back down mostly because of having a pretty weak foundation and I really started hating the time that I had lost where I could’ve spent building that foundation. Now, I have considerably less workload and such limited guidance … and I have to forge my own path ahead which is just something to dislike given a still weak foundation. At this point, I’m just convincing myself that this is possible despite everything and I hope that it doesn’t come back to bite me at all. It’s such a hard balance of believing in yourself and also strengthening your base.

I do see these sort of crises effecting other people in my life, but probably to a lesser extent because of a relatively stronger foundation. A lot of my friends at this stage have their careers sorted out but their personal lives are minimal. My parents have pretty much everything they wanted on an individual level anyway and are feeling the effects of mid-life crises – caught in between helping their daughters and needing to set themselves up for a post-employment life. They are simultaneously trying to enjoy their lives while they still feasibly can, look after the family and make a last hurrah in their places of work, given that my career is not sorted out at all. I also see other people my age that have gone through such hard times and have such expansive visions. Fortunately or unfortunately, depending on how you look at it, a lot of those circumstances were more resolvable than mine mostly because the skill gap was considerably less. I don’t know how to feel about it, like on one hand I’m definitely really particular about everything for obvious reasons and definitely thinking more forward than ever, but this isn’t impossible to do if many other things in your life are sorted out. So I believe it’s best to diversify as much as possible, and that usually means there does have to be a semi-strong foundation at the very least. Even though I have nothing, at sometimes it feels like I have so much because of these pains – like some unseeable emotional energy where I can’t afford to take anything for granted (I am still guilty of this somewhat). A nice, cliff-falling type feeling.

-yoshimonster-

[joy-haver]

talking about it from the perspective of anarchist analysis;

An HOA is somewhere between a micro-state and an arm of the state. It’s not really Independent of the larger state powers and uses them as it’s mode of enforcement, but most HOA's aren’t fully incorporated into the system of government in the way towns, cities, and counties are either.

They are a method of power accumulation. Power is the ability to control the lived experiences of others. A state is an institution of power that uses violence to maintain itself. In an HOA, the violence is mostly fines, but it can level up to evictions.

Enclosure, broadly, is the process by which an aspect of reality that was previously owned in common, or not owned at all, is turned to property. State formation is one form of enclosure, essentially the regional enclosure of consequences, punishment, and communal decision making. A state takes away the ability for communities to perform these functions without its involvement.

HOA’s are Micro-states that primarily focus on the enclosure of neighborhood sized communities. The main consequences, punishments, and decisions they are concentrated around are things that effect property values; or at least, things are perceived to.

Part of the trade off that States offer to those who are enclosed within them is some promise of resource sharing and long term stability. This is how it is sold to you. Instead of something being a commons, and being managed by all those involved informally, it becomes State Property. Formal structures of decision making are created for the management of State Property. Additionally. HOA's promise stability by intending to ensure that members property values will rise.

The thing you loose in this trade off are Agency/autonomy, sustenance, and security. Security is both lost and gained. You lose security in that there is now a new entity which can evict you or take away money thru fines. The promise here is that they will also do that to anyone else who threatens the security that your home value provides. The autonomy you lose is veriable, but it can be anything from home color, landscaping, times you are allowed outside, what car you can have at your house, how many people you can have over, how often you can have people over, whether or not you can use power tools over a certain noise level, and whether or not you can do your own repairs. The loss to sustenance is that you probably wont be able to use your property in a way that provides you food or other material goods.

The thing about states is that they do not let you opt out. Once you are in, you are in. In this way, most HOAs haven’t completed there state formation, because they can technically be dissolved. They also haven’t completely enclosed the habitable parts of earth the way countries have, which is good. -

There are many functions that HOA formation has under capitalism. These aren't necessarily intentional, but they are mechanisms that could lead to HOA's becoming more intrenched.

One is that it can help keep the housing market stable. It removes a lot of the risks to the overall market that come from individual choices, neglect, and over unpalatability that many properties outside of an HOA develop.

Another function is that it prevents those who do own land from divesting from the larger economy by becoming more self sustaining. Property ownership is becoming less and less of a viable path to agency, sutainence, and security, which means that people are more relianct on the power structures. _

Just to speculate a bit,

I do think it’s possible that the mass formation of HOAs will be looked at as one of the biggest wins for capitalism, and losses for humanity, of our time. They could expand their rules and their surveillance gradually, and become one of the most granular and day to day arms of the larger power structure.

On the other hand, I think they could be severely limited by legislation or a court ruling. Partly because they aren’t a super polarized/partizan issue right now, I think there is maybe room to step in and get it done without being too much of a media buzz.

But idk really know, and I do not know what to do about it either way. Im just really trying to avoid being in one

Every post I make about lawns leads me back to the reality that the problem is Homeowners' Associations, so I am trying to research Homeowner's Associations (I don't know what they are exactly), and as far as I can tell they are some type of lawn mafia (?)

This website which has "HOA: Everything you need to know" provides this information:

you pay money to them every month

the money sometimes (?) is used to maintain a pool or something that you can swim in

they make up rules for things you can't do in your own house or yard

if you break the rules, they make you pay more money, sue you, or kick you out of your house

People sign a contract that lets the Homeowner's Association control their lives for the reason that they might get to swim in the pool and because of a persistent rumor that HOAs increase "Property Values" (?) although the website says "The data is mixed on whether that's true or not"

This is one of those things where it seems like we would have remembered to make it illegal by now. I live in my house and some stinky punk tries to tell me that I can't paint it a color- the very boards of the side of my house. If I continue, said putrescent busybody then removes me bodily from my home for painting the wall that I bought and legally own, rendering me homeless. This seems to run contrary to many rights and freedoms a citizen is assumed to possess

[obeiii-mee]

Mammon being greedy and constantly hoarding things away from all the others makes sense. That whole ‘scummy second born’ characteristic he has is what defines him as a demon and as a character. He’s the Embodiment of Greed. He does this shit all the time. The stealing, the lying, the gambling- all of it! Even his brothers seem to be under the impression that he doesn’t care about anyone else but himself. Which is just wrong, to put it in simple terms. Mammon does a lot for his family; they just fail to realise that.

Quite a few of the limited edition figurines and anime DVDs sitting on Levi’s shelf are from him, y’know? He made it seem like it was no big deal, that he found them lying around on the ground and he just happened to stumble across them and, out of the generosity of his own heart, handed them to his brother who was obviously excited to receive this kind of rare equipment. And the third born believed him because that sounds like a Mammon thing to do, since why else would he have such precious possessions within his reach? And give it to him no less, when he could’ve sold them for a lot of money??? In truth, Mammon probably went into debt trying to win these things and proceeded to spend weeks trying to get his hands on at least one so he could give the damn toy to his brother already. As an early birthday gift or something, idk what excuse he had in mind because he still has a reputation to uphold so he can’t be caught being a softie now, ya hear?!

Satan woke up with a cat in his room once. No tag, no owner. He swore that was the happiest day of his life simply because this random baby kitten found its way into his mess of a bedroom and he decided it was fate that such a wonderful thing were to happen. It took a while for Lucifer to agree but eventually he had to give in because Satan was being persistent, so he agreed on the condition that it’s just ONE cat and he better not come home to find a million of them sitting in the living room. Yeah, Mammon brought him that cat. He found it on the streets, in an empty alleyway or something, thought Satan might find it cute and then just…brought it home, I guess. And afterwards, he sneaked it into his brother’s room and pretended to act surprised the next day when its discovery was announced. He was also the one to convince Lucifer to let Satan keep it. Also, turns out the cat DID have an owner and Mammon just stole a pet, without even meaning to.

Asmo knows Mammon buys him make up kits and clothes from time to time. What he doesn’t know is that Mammon buys a lot of his jewellery too. To put it simply, the second eldest gets some really expensive looking-ass necklace, shoves it into a lower demon’s hands and tells him to go on and ‘give it to Asmo over there! He’s gonna love it, no need to thank me. You’re gonna earn some brownie points with the Avatar of Lust, good for you small, insignificant demon. Now just do it already!!’ Essentially, he’s too embarrassed to give these gifts himself but this is a regular occurrence that he forces onto others of lower status lol. Asmo comes home every time, flaunting this new gorgeous pair of earrings a fan of his gifted him and Mammon just goes ‘Whoa, that thing must be worth a fortune! Why dontcha hand it over to me, eh? C’mon, older brother privileges’ and the fifth born yells at him to stop being such a greedy asshole. The whole time he’s putting up a font so he doesn’t get found out because it would hurt his ego immensely if the others knew. Rinse and repeat after a couple of days….

The twins are easy because for Beel, all he needs to do is make him his favourite dish as often as possible and take him out to a few restaurants every once in a while to make him happy, which is good enough for Mammon, even if his wallet is screaming at him by the time they’re done. Belphie wouldn’t even notice this, but half of his pillows have either been ordered by Mammon on Akuzon or stolen from somewhere. I would be too afraid to ask where he stole such high quality pillows and blankets but yeah. Actually, those are two of the many things he does for the twins, the others including:

-Doing quite a bit of schoolwork for Belphie when he misses his classes (though he sometimes jokingly asks for compensation) or for Beel who stained his notes after salivating on them in class

-Sewing a few of Belphie’s pillows that he knows his brother used to like a lot before they ripped and had to be discarded of

-Always lets Beel know where his twin is because Belphie has a habit of falling asleep in random places and he doesn’t want Beel to worry about him when that happens so if he happens to spot him, he always tells Beel first so he can go and get him back to their room

-Etc…

Lucifer is last, mainly because Mammon doesn’t really give him a lot of physical gifts. I mean, some of the pricey alcohol the eldest has displayed in his office is from him but for Lucifer, Mammon was mostly there to provide him with emotional support. Especially after the fall happened and they all transformed into their ‘deformed’ demon forms for the first time, unrecognisable from the beautiful angels they once were before. That’s why Lucifer has so much trust in him-it’s because he knows Mammon is the most reliable demon out there and has always been there for him, quietly supporting him from the sidelines because he knew his brother had too much pride to ask for help from others. If I had to guess, Mammon would’ve had to pull Lucifer out of countless nervous breakdowns and self-pitying lines of thought, even more so after Lilith’s death. Honestly, Lucifer would’ve been totally lost and even more closed off than he is in the game at the moment if Mammon’s hadn’t been there for him. Actually, I guarantee you everyone would’ve fallen apart if Mammon was the one to die the Celestial War instead of their sister just because he’s the glue that’s holding them all together.

This post got really long but the point I’m trying to make is that Mammon loves his brothers and none of them really appreciate it enough because they’ve got this painted image of what they thought he should be like in their heads and therefore take all of his actions, as sincere as they may be, with a grain of salt. Obviously, these are just my HCs but I’m sure there are times where Mammon wonders if his siblings care for him at all or if they really dislike him as much as they let on. I know I would start thinking like that if I grew up in an environment where I’m constantly being insulted for the most minor of mistakes, since negative behaviour affects and sticks with you for a long time.

[kitausuret]

Multiples of 4 for SymbiOT3? Only as many of those as you want

For you, Dok, one of the first people on board this ship with me.. I will indulge this. Or at least a few of them.

4. Which one is more protective? Who needs to be ‘protected’?

This one is soooooo funny because @amaronith and I have literally discussed this and the answer is always "they all protect each other" but I feel like mostly Eddie and Flash's instinct is to protect the symbiote. I also though feel that whoever is at that moment bonded to the symbiote is probably more like... aware of the partner who is not being potentially more vulnerable? I think Flash is probably more foolhardy about it though. Symbiote or no he WILL throw himself into the fray. My precious himbo. 💖

8. What happens if one of them gets sick?

So, haha, I have 100% written this already for Flash and the symbiote, but that aside.. If one of the humans is sick, the first call is probably to May Parker because obviously they need her chicken soup recipe. Other than that, if Eddie is the one who's sick, he does not get to work, Mister don't even think about touching that laptop and all. Flash is a little bit more self-aware of his limitations but he gripes about it a lot. If the symbiote gets sick, they probably reach out to Reed Richards if they can because he's probably the closest they can get to an expert opinion while on Earth. Other than that, love and patience and lots and lots of fluids.

12. Do they have many heated arguments? How do they smooth things over?

I'm sure they have their fair share! Eddie and Flash are both pretty bull-headed and while it helps to have a third party, it also makes the symbiote sometimes feel like it's obligated to be a mediator (or tie-breaker). It's complicated when you literally know both of their brains. This sounds silly but they probably fall back on things they've each learned in therapy to de-escalate. 😅 It's important to have growth. They try not to go to bed angry at each other though.

16. Can they stay up all night just talking?

While it's romantic to think that they would I DO think that Flash has a tendency to drop off to sleep as soon as he starts getting tired. He can and will fall asleep to the sound of Eddie's voice. He is just exhausted. When Eddie has insomnia though I'm sure he and the symbiote stay up communicating, maybe silently. Or if someone stirs awake or can't sleep, the symbiote is always there.

20. Choose one song that perfectly describes their relationship.

I didn't want to just say "Dust to Dust" by The Civil Wars again so... "Days of Thunder" by The Midnight. It's about the complexities.

Love is a fatal flaw / Is a broken jaw / Is a burning bridge

24. Who's more likely to give the other a massage?

Honestly the symbiote does it for them out of instinct. Eddie is tensed up like 99% of the time so he usually needs a shoulder rub. Man needs to learn to loosen his muscles or they'll start cramping.

28. What are there thoughts on pet names? Do they have any?

100% on Amaronith for this one but Eddie calls Flash "golden boy". It's that old trope of "this started out derogatory but now it's affectionate". For the symbiote, honestly I will just defer to canon for this ("love", "darling", and "dear" from Eddie; Flash is not very good at terms of endearment so hilariously he might stick to "partner", "friend" lmao but @dyradoodles had the galaxy brain idea of "sweetheart" so. yoink!). I like the idea of Flash calling Eddie "babe" it seems fitting.

For the symbiote, Eddie is its "heart" and Flash is its "light" but I've already explored that here like the SAP I am.

32. Who's the better story teller?

Eddie, probably. He has a natural flair for the dramatic but is also very long-winded. He has a wonderful way with words though and Flash and the symbiote like to listen to him talk. Like he could read the phone book and Flash would just gaze lovingly upon him for ages.

36. Who's more likely to fire up the stove at 2am because the other woke up in the middle of the night hungry?

Flash. Especially if he's having trouble sleeping. However, Eddie might be up at 2AM stress-baking (thanks @cannibal-wings for this HC.. wow, this is turning into a group effort huh).

44. Who would dance in the kitchen making dinner? Would the other join in or watch from the doorway?

Obviously depending on mobility situation, I feel like this is a Flash mood, and Eddie is probably in the doorway smiling. Unless the symbiote drags him over. Unless Flash has the symbiote and a tentacle reaches out and drags Eddie in hehe.

52. Describe their weekend getaway?

I really like the idea of them going upstate to visit Flash's mom regularly and maybe they go to like... a state fair or something that would be cute. They win the mega big prizes for random kids there. The symbiote makes itself sick on fried oreos.

56. What do they do turn the other on/put them in the mood?

Well... I'm not saying Flash can get turned on at the drop of a hat but, lol. Eddie likes to be wooed a little bit more, a build-up from a nice evening together is good. Maybe one of his favorite records. The symbiote might make a few suggestive comments, put a few ideas in someone's head. It enjoys this, too. ;)

60. Who pulls the other closer when they’re sleeping?

The symbiote! It likes to tug everyone together. Except when it's like, 100 degrees Fahrenheit outside. Then it's going to go sleep in the freezer. Eddie himself also tends to gravitate towards a sleeping partner, usually with just like an arm, but Flash will actively seek out warmth. Rudely presses his cold nose against Eddie's back, I'm sure. 🙄🤭

Wow this was so many but I did almost all of them!! Thank you for this though you know I am always weak for the symbiot3.

Ask me questions about my ships!