#because she's know me since i was 9 and we've gone through all these years together knowing each other's personality like no ones

[iftitah]

talked to school bestie 2 hours on phone god im out of breath with my chest hurting but it so worth the talk

[sir-adamus]

One thing I love about RWBY is how it manages to thread that needle of, "That's a person" & "They have a reason for being this fucked up" without forgetting or failing to convey, "Doesn't mean they aren't still being bastard!"

See Adam, Ironwood, Salem, Mercury, hell even Jac got some of that treatment, as much as his narrative role needed and more than someone like him would usually be given.

In that regard though, it does always leave me vexed and confounded that people act like the Brothers will be some big exception. As though their issue is just that they are a little confused and don't understand some things, but once its explained and or they go home, it'll all be chill.

Like, sorry but if the woman they tortured for potentially millions of years still gets the "She's still being a bastard" treatment I cannot envision why the Brothers genocide would avoid being framed or treated as such.

yeah it's kind of weird how people have a blindspot for the gods being petty, arrogant assholes in the backstory; like it's been a weirdly common trend to see people making posts claiming it's fine for the gods to be assholes because they're gods (and therefore shouldn't be held to any kind of moral standard whatsoever), or thinking that post-volume 9, now the goal of the show is RWBY reuniting the relics to summon the gods because "the world is united" and the gods will deal with Salem.

like, the terms of Salem's immortality are made very clear, and these jackasses aren't gonna rescind on their punishment of her (which i need to point out was immensely disproportionate even before the mass genocide. "you need to learn a lesson, so now you can't die until you do" is fucked up) just because everyone else is on the same side.

and on top of that, the gods returning only means hanging a Sword of Damocles over humanity's head, because if they don't stay united, then it's just gonna lead to another disproportionate tantrum and Remnant getting the full scorched earth treatment. not to mention the gods dealing with Salem would ultimately prove her right and be immensely unsatisfying narratively (it would literally be a deus ex machina)

RWBY borrows heavily from Final Fantasy and other JRPGs, and a major recurring element in those sorts of games is that defeating the present big bad in the narrative is never the end of the story, there's always a greater scope threat that's usually either your dad or god or both. coupled with how Light and Dark are heavily influenced by mythological gods and how those are often petty, short-sighted and abusive bastards who cause more problems than they solve, and we've recently been outright told that the Brothers have completely misunderstood what 'balance' is and how that's factored into their conflicts and decision making, and how that then filters down to their treatment of Salem, demanding she understand something they don't and expecting her to learn it through the punishment they inflicted on her only ended up causing more damage

Salem's defeat has to be factored into ending her curse, and the end of volume 9 makes heavy implication that it's RWBY, not the Brothers, who are going to achieve that. but even with Salem then out of the picture, the Brothers are still a threat, they still wiped out the population of an entire planet for childish reasons and routinely abandon their creations; someone else could go for the relics to try and summon them, so there's the potential damage they could do to Remnant again, and who knows what same horrors and punishments the Brothers are inflicting on the worlds they've gone on to make and abandon since?

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

Would I be the asshole for breaking up with my partner over something my best friend told me?

Hi, I'm 20, (they/he) and have been seeing said partner, 23 (any, also I'll call them V from now on) for almost three years apparently. We met in 2020 at a BLM demonstration and quickly became friends. Back then I had been crushing on them for a while but was in a then closed relationship. My girlfriend of that time (20, she/her, let'scall her F) and I opened our relationship and around Halloween I told V. They asked if it was open sexually or also open romantically. After discussing it with F, we said romantically as well, even though I knew that I was unable to commit 100% to loving someone besides F.

Yes, I know. I should have been honest back then. And I was, in a way. I told V that I didn't think I could love them the same way I loved F. It didn't matter then. But it does now.

F broke up with me in February and since then V and I have gotten closer and gone on regular dates and stuff. I still can't love them the way I should, though. I don't know why. We send each other hearts all the time and I tell them I love them, but only in English, because the words in my native language are too heavy and more meaningful (to me at least).

Now I have thought about breaking up with V thousands of times, and always felt bad because how do I explain that even though I said it(that I loved them) I never meant it 100%?

Last week my two best friends W (20, any) and K(20, he/him) (who are dating btw) were supposed to look after my cat (3, she/her). V was there when W showed up and I explained what to do, when to feed her etc.

Now apparently, when I was gone for a hot second to take out the trash or something, V bit W. V has always been a very affectionate and touchy person which has put off both W and K before, since they barely know V and aren't that touchy even with people they know very well (like me. We've known each other for 9 years and been best friends for 8 and 6 of those respectively). So W told me they signalled that they felt uncomfortable with that but V tried to do it a second time and was only apprehended by W fleeing.

Normally, this kind of boundary violation would cause me to cut ties with someone immediately. I am not a stranger to unwanted affection and know that W feels extremely violated by this. It affected them so much they were mentally incapable to take care of my cat and in the end, V ended up looking after her. Which is why it is so hard for me to know what to do.

W is my best friend. I love them dearly and wouldn't have survived school without them. They were violated and felt so horrible and dirty they had to take a long shower to even feel like a person again.

V is my partner who keeps telling their friends and family how well things are between us. I love their mum and I know some of their friends through work and the CSD parade. I feel so guilty about sort of lying to them and saw this incident as an out of a relationship that should've provably ended months ago.

So would breaking up with them over this make me the asshole?

What are these acronyms?

[runnning-outof-time]

Everything Is Alright | Arthur Shelby x Reader

Request: no - written to celebrate @there-goes-thefighter ‘s tumblr’s 9th birthday

Pairing: Arthur Shelby x reader

Summary: Arthur and (Y/N) spend a special evening out under the stars and recall how they came together.

Warnings: mentions of drinking, one bad word

Word Count: 1473

A/N: here K goes again…writing another story to the tune of a song. This one was inspired by The Glorious Sons’ ‘Everything Is Alright’ I thought it fit well with Arthur. Congrats on 9 years, Bri!! I can’t believe that you put up with this hellsite for that long! I’m so thankful to be part of your journey! Enjoy! :)

PLEASE LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU THINK!

Comment/Message me if you’d like to be tagged in future stories similar to this one!

"How much longer are we going to go for?" Arthur's voice came from behind (Y/N), who was still a few steps in front of him despite her stopping and waiting for him to catch up at least three times.

"We're almost there!" she called back to him, briefly turning so that she could look in his direction, "you should know where we're going by now, Arthur!"

"Forgive me, love, it's been a long fucking time since we've went walking around the woods at night!" he yelled back, his words holding no anger, but rather confusion.

"We're almost there!" she repeated her previous statement, giggling a little at what he said.

The couple walked for a short while longer before coming to a stop at the edge of a small hill, where the land tapered off softly enough to create a natural seat. (Y/N) finally stopped and began laying out the blanket that she'd brought with her. She looked to Arthur when she was finished, seeing that he was looking out at the dark field in front of them with a fond smile on his face.

"Now do you remember where we are?" she asked, her hands finding her hips as she grinned over at him.

"How could I forget?" he looked over at her, the corners of his eyes crinkling slightly as his smile widened.

"Come, sit with me," she beckoned him, extending one of her hands to him as she stepped closer to the blanket they were standing on either side of. He took her hand and they sat down together, both chuckling softly as their shoulders bumped.

Silence fell around them once they were sitting comfortably, both occupied with looking up at the starry sky above them. It was beautiful out; a perfect night to represent all that they'd gone through together.

"Can you believe it's been nine years, Arthur?" (Y/N) broke the silence, glancing over at him after she finished speaking.

"I can't..." he started off with a bit of a chuckle, continuing before she could jump on him with questions, "I don't know how I managed to keep you for that long."

The second half of his statement made (Y/N) rethink her reaction to it. She pursed her lips together to try to hide her smile as she looked out at the moonlit field. "Do you remember the first night we met?" she asked then, her voice softer than it was before.

"Course," Arthur responded without a second thought. "I spent all my money on a pack of cigarettes for a lady that I knew I loved, but whose name I forgot," he began recounting the first night they'd spent together.

(Y/N) couldn't be surprised at his statement. She knew that it was nothing against her personally, and that rather it was because Arthur was terrible with names. Still, the first part of that sentence made her heart flutter. How could he have loved her if he'd just met her? "You taught me how to laugh that night; with all of your stories about your siblings and what you got into as a kid," she stated, grinning at the memory.

"And you taught me how to slow dance properly," he reminded her, chuckling softly at the memory of them sharing a haphazard dance together.

"Yeah...I couldn't have you keep stepping on my toes," (Y/N) pointed out.

"You still wouldn't let me take you home, even after all of that," he remembered how their night ended.

"I believe I told you that 'you don't stand a chance'," she backed his statement up by providing succinct details of it, turning to look at him with a grin then. "It's probably because you didn't remember my name," she teasingly added, knocking her shoulder against his as he rolled his eyes.

"Yeah, sure," Arthur shook his head while he failed at concealing his grin, snorting then as he dropped his gaze to his lap, "I didn't see you for bloody months after that...thought I'd made you disappear."

"I did kind of disappear, didn't I?" (Y/N) wondered aloud, setting her hands behind her so that she could lean back on them, stretching her legs out as well, "I set out on a dream that I didn't quite understand at that time. I thought it'd make me happy, but it only ended up making me sad and lonely..." she paused, exhaling a sigh as she recalled the brief period of time she spent in London, trying to make it as a writer, "if I'd only known what I had back in Small Heath, maybe I wouldn't have left at all. I certainly wouldn't have had to carry out all of those favors for those people I thought were my friends...helping them get further in their careers while mine stayed cemented to the ground."

Arthur sent her a sympathetic smile, knowing how tough it was for her to come back to Small Heath at first. He wouldn't tell her, but he remembered seeing her sitting alone in a corner booth at the Garrison, looking as defeated as ever as she nursed the drink in front of her. It hurt him to see her like that. At the thought, he reached back and placed his hand over hers, squeezing it softly as a silent gesture before he exhaled a slight chuckle. (Y/N) looked at him with furrowed eyebrows as she heard his laugh, wondering why he was responding like that. He shook his head slightly before looking up at the stars again. "Then I went and punched a man on his wedding night..." he started off, grimacing at the thought.

(Y/N) let out a laugh when she realized what he was thinking about, remembering that night full well. It was the night that they found each other again, having been invited to the same wedding through separate, mutual friends…she knew the groom and Arthur knew the bride. "I still can't believe that you did that," she commented, laughing about it now, but remembering very well that she was shocked at his actions when they happened. She was also the only one who was able to talk him down from whatever trip he was going on, and they’d become inseparable since.

"I'm still trying to figure out how to apologize for it," he stated, his grimace still present when he looked over at her, "but I'm happy for the fact that it brought me back to you," he added, his words making her reach over and run her hand down his cheek. He turned his head and pressed his lips to her palm, making her giggle at the tickling sensation his mustache created.

Silence shrouded them again as they shared a lingering look before looking up to the stars again. Moving out to the country - which allowed them to be closer to this spot - was the best decision they'd made. Once (Y/N) found out that this particular property was for sale, she made it her mission to make sure that they bought it. Money wasn't much of a problem for Arthur anymore, and he wanted to make sure that his wife, then fianceé, was happy. So they purchased the property and built a lovely home, and life, on it. Now neither would trade it for the world.

(Y/N) took a deep breath and let it out slowly, loving the feeling of fresh air entering her lungs. "Everything is alright..." she began, looking at Arthur again, "if only for tonight."

Neither knew what the next day held. Tommy seemed to be in the middle of his last elaborate scheme and his next, so all of the Shelby family members were enjoying the in-between time with their families. There was always that chance that tomorrow they'd get that phone call rounding everyone up back in Small Heath, but for tonight, everything was alright.

"I've forgotten what it feels like..." Arthur broke the momentary silence, his words making (Y/N) look at him, "you know, for everything to be alright for once."

"I know," (Y/N) agreed, nodding her head softly. She smiled at him then, thankful that he was the one who she was going to spend her life with. Sure it got messy at times, but she wouldn't have it any other way. "Happy nine years, Arthur," she softly said then, leaning in closer to him before continuing, "I love you," she finished her statement off in a whisper due to their close proximity.

"I love you, (Y/N)," Arthur grinned at her before he leaned in even closer, eliminating the rest of the space between them so that he could press his lips to hers in a passionate kiss.

Everything was most certainly alright...even if it was only for the night.

Tagged: @the-anxious-youth @mystcldydrms @look-at-the-soul @mrsalwayswrite @julkaamazing @evita-shelby @lilyrachelcassidy @shelbydelrey @december16-1991 @onlydeadcells @peakyswritings @watercolorskyy @strayrockette @peakyduchesss @alexxavicry @stevie75 @dark-academia-slut @zablife @cillmequick @letal-y-poetica @depxiety @shelundeadxxxx @areyenotfondofmelobster @padfootdaredmetoo @crabat-the-queen @sebastianstangirl01 @just-a-blackhole @anotherblinder @christinasyellowflowers @insanitybyanothername @daisyblinder @wotcherpeak @call-sign-shark

MASTERLIST

Listen to the song Everything Is Alright by The Glorious Sons:

HERE.

[exoticalmonde]

The Evealia Guide Through Babel (event) - Part III

Last time we left off, things are going absolutely terrible. There's a Sarkaz that is gone insane with sorrow for his comrades and his son, so he's taken it with himself to go destroy the Leithanien he's noticed lurking around Kazdel.

Leithanien. From Babel.

I'll just let you read this part on your own for cinematic value.

GOOD GOD ALRIGHT

Damn it... Ugh.

He is sent to Theresa, but he's so out of it that he doesn't even realize what is going on. He very happily tells her that he killed the traitorous Leithanien and has avenged his son, along with all the others who died in battle.

He's taken away since Theresis doesn't want Theresa to be the one meting out punishment like that.

It's strange though, because he doesn't use Arts, but the guards were hypnotised. Somebody on the outside is at fault for this. Yet, the Military Commission refuse to investigate, because the victim is just an outsider to the Sarkaz.

Babel is to remove itself from all political activity too and finally make some clear boundaries between what it can and cannot do on Kazdel.

In a different light, we get to see Theresa and Theresis as caretakers for Ascalon.

Theresis gives her knife back and teaches her, briefly, about how she should sharpen it since warriors should treasure their weapons, while also being considering on who it gets to cut.

Theresa is much softer on the approach. Asks her about what she likes in the city.

Despite that, Ascalon feels like she can't really hate the gentle Sarkaz. I SCREAMED when Theresa offered Ascalon to touch her horn. Is it a way to show affection? Vulnerability? Whatever it is, WHY did I not think of this sooner. That's so heckin adorable.

Theresa cleans Ascalon's wound and teaches her that weapons can't heal these - only time and medicine. So one day she can wake up and learn that it doesn't hurt anymore.

That much, Ascalon agrees with.

Babel Classroom, Kazdel

…

Well, nobody showed up to class.

Except Theresis, who is there to confirm that the casualty report from the Military Commission states a lot of children have gone. Those who survived - their parents refuse to let the outsiders of Babel teach them. Plus, many of the Babel teachers left - out of fear.

Even if Theresis thinks Theresa is wasting her time, he waits with her upon her request.

IT WASN'T FOR NOTHING!!

Down, Dog.

ARRRGHBFEUSUGIH MY HEART.

I hated him, okay? I hated Manfred in the way you'd hate a handsome scrimblo, in the way where I'd be ashamed to say that I like him; like how people who love stinky cheese don't want others to know, they just sit in the corner eating it and hope that nobody is going to notice the smell.

I liked him for his perseverance before and because he was so very 'aware' unlike other leaders we've seen in the past. Meanwhile, I'm being set up with this charming little creature that just wants change for the better, wants peace, and wants to help.

HOW DARE YOU MAKE ME ADMIT I LIKE HIM?!

Now I suddenly wish he does not die. Now I get upset when I remember I derogatively called him Milfred out of rage. I never managed to pass CC 9 or 10, I forgot which one was Ashring, but now??? I'm mean to NOT be upset???

I hate it here.

Within Kazdel, Goodluck and his son are… either waiting for the worst to happen or they're morning the loss of their third family member. Goodluck can't really stand sitting around, doing nothing, so he is planning to become a mercenary and make the people who hurt his wife pay.

Before departing he gives her name to his son - Odda. And promises to teach him how to fight with her weapon once he returns.

---

BB-3 Before

Silent Crack

[Today, though, we face the tragic reality of disunity and betrayal.]

Eight Years Ago...

Summer, 1086

Classes are being held in Kazdel, secretly. Kids have to keep their voices down and they're not allowed to tell anybody about what is happening inside their secret little base of operation.

The war between Kazdel and Leithanien never stopped, so for 18 years they've been pursued. A lof of people feel into despair, either from the ghost of war or the infection.

Within the Scar Market, Goodluck picks up a commission - some teacher in Kazdel has been saying too good a thing about Babel. Somebody is willing to pay to shut them up.

We learn that it's been a while since Goodluck was in this part of Kazdel. Although Goodluck doesn't remember a lot of things, he remembers the look of his front door - the address where that supposed 'teacher' might be hiding.

Inside, said Teacher is really doing good. He's teaching the children that the Sarkaz blame Babel for their misfortune since they have nobody else. Babel brought the enemies, Babel's medicine makes Oripathy worse, Babel this and that-- and children nod along, because they probably hear that from their parents a lot.

It's not quite so, though; they can't take things at face value. That's why they have to see, learn and think for themselves.

Odda notices somebody at the door. Everybody scrambles to hide before he opens it and sees...

Surprisingly, it's Ascalon.

She scans the sparsely furnished room and understands.

...

She says 'Thank you for sheltering him. But you must leave'.

It's clearly a warning for oncoming danger. The teacher has to go. Odda stays by the door - a habit of his since he was little. As if he was waiting for someone familiar to come back home.

From the shadows, Goodluck recognises him immediately. He's unfortunately already bound with his own mission and knows there's only one way to ensure his child gets a better life.

Ascalon makes the decision for him. Her mist shrouds the corpse, erasing all traces of its existence.

[The passing of a life in Kazdel is akin to a speck of dust falling to the ground, unheard, unceremonious, and unnoticed.]

[His luck ran out.]

Manfred seems to also have been in the area at the time of this occurrence. They fight a little, both at friendly terms, though they serve different sides of Kazdel.

It drives up a memory of another time they were sparring.

THEY EVEN LAUGH TOGEHTER, because Theresa helps Manfred down by levitating him to safety.

Though adorable, we're back in the present with Ascalon and Manfred fighting. There's a misunderstanding between their approaches I think. Manfred has remained by Theresis' side because he thinks there can be a different approach to the future they're looking for. Since the start Theresis has been hesitant with Theresa's plan, so now they have parted ways.

On the other side, Ascalon has turned her back on Theresis out of anger that he'd allow the others in Kazdel to badmouth Her Highness and her choice to stick with Babel.

Manfred is more understanding than ever though. It's not really the twin sovereigns who had to make the decision of parting. It's just circumstance. Perhaps the prophecy.

They're so caring for each other though... These four care about each other so much I want to put them in a box and keep them together forever.

Sadness isn't over by the way~

Because Manfred appears on Odda's door with his dad's... remnants. Odda doesn't really remember him, but Manfred doesn't make much of it as he presents the items and explains:

[There have been some disturbances in the city, and I'm afraid your father... I'm so sorry.]

[Wh-Where did you find them? Was there...?]

[There was nothing else left at the scene. I'm sorry.]

[...]

[What's your name?]

[...Odda.]

[If you need any help...]

[No... no, I'm very grateful that you brought these back. It's been a long time since I last saw him... this is enough. I don't have to wait anymore... He's not coming back...]

[Do you have family? Or friends you can count on?]

[I can take care of myself. Besides, we see things like this every day in this city, no?]

[...]

[I-I'm sorry I gushed, sir. I just feel like I know you, somehow... I'm sure you're busy. I won't keep you any longer.]

[My condolences.]

THIS IS NOT FUNNY

WHAT THE HECK ITS NOT FUNNY, YOU'RE NOT ORIGINAL?!?!?!?!?

I've never cried so hard in my life, oh no I'm broken.

---

BB-3 After

There's been an accident - feelings are mixed.

A father beat his child for trying to defend the Teacher, and the Teacher fought back with the father to defend the kid. In the end, both of them were going to die from their injuries. He was set upon by the angry crowd and it escalated from there. The turmoil dragged in everybody - Civilians, Babel, mercenaries, even the Military Commission.

Somebody blew up the Babel office building, so then Royal Court troops were involved.

Theresa has made the decision to remove Babel from Kazdel. It's become way too dangerous for any of the personnel to stay any longer, since they're now completely unwanted. Odda immediately signs up to leave with them.

Out on the streets, the dying teacher is mocked by the Sarkaz soldiers, but he's actually seeing an invisible to others little banshee - Logos. He was there in the classroom and learned a lot from the Teacher.

Even if others did not believe it so, the Sarkaz Teacher is welcomed by the myriad of souls and he's guided to them with the little banshee's song.

[It is an elegy that commemorates the passing of an ordinary Sakraz.]

['You were talking about the future of Babel in the lesson, but you didn't get to the end. What were you going to say?']

['I believe... that Babel will die someday. I hope I'm wrong.']

In the court, Laqeramaline is saying goodbye to Theresa. It's a sweet conversation they have, with the Banshee Queen being as truthful to her beliefs as she is supportive to Theresa. She also knows there is no other way, so all she can do from the position of a mother is hope for the best.

[tua-five]

Season 3 Episode 9

⚠️⚠️ s3 spoilers ⚠️⚠️

Definitely thought today was episode 8.. and now I'm scared because it's closer to the relase date...

It makes sense though because I was literally just thinking, how could it be episode 8, I don't remember there being that much left. Then again, I was kind of waiting for the sigil and cockroaches since episode 1, so.

Okay, starting off, it was really just... (there's a word I want but can't remember and I keep using sad, but I don't want to use the word sad because it's deeper than that, but that's all I can think of right now) sad that Luther created all of those reports and samples for nothing. And he had a picture of his siblings. Minus Viktor. Both of those are just so depressing.

It seems I forgot a semi important detail. I used to wonder why Luther or how Luther didn't discover Abigail because through all of his 4 years stranded on the moon, surely he would have stumbled upon her. But no, because there was a geo fence, so he couldn't pass that point.

It's simply amazing how Ben has "ASSHOLE" written on his back.

And Five's speech 😭

Wow... how naive I was... Allison just magically going from absolutely terrible to in the morning apologizing to everyone. And I believed it.

We don't talk enough about Five sitting at the edge of the world. He's just watching the world he spent a whole straight month trying to save just wither away. Because he's done. And when reginald comes out he knows exactly what he wants. Because it's Sir Reginald Hargreeves. And he always will be. No matter what timeline. So he immediately says no. Because he's so done. He's tired. He's exhausted. And he's lived way too long.

And of course, when he says he wants to be alone, Reggie sits anyway.

Oh. And he just straight up tells him. Well, not necessarily straight up. But he says that you never forget your first love. He says he didn't do enough to save his first love. And that he hopes the kids can help him with that.

He can't forget Abigail. He never will. He couldn't save her. She died, and he put her on the moon to try and one day bring her back to life. And now he's using Project Oblivion to bring her back.

They're all so cute for clapping when Five comes. And mentioning the speech. And he defends himself, "It was the booze talking. In the light of day, you're all still deplorable." Sure, Five. You think they're all bad. I'll believe that. After, you know, spending 28 days trying to stop the apocalypse so you can save them and being stuck in one for 45 years to get back to your family.

I hate knowing that Allison is the one who made the deal. And that the whole "I'm sorry" speech was bs. I mean, some of it has to be real. You can't just pull that out of your butt in desperation. But still.

And Allison saying "We've all lost people." And flipping looks towards Five and says, "Mannequins..." 😭😭 stop. Stop. Actually stop. Because I CAN'T 😭

"I saw the future. And it told me to sit this one out. I vote stay." Yeah. Yeah, I vote stay, too.

I honestly... don't know. I can't know if I like or dislike Allison. I can't know if I like or dislike Reginald. I am, however, starting to understand them more. They are both fighting out of love. And I can respect that. But their actions... not so much.

Like Reg killing Luther. "There's an old saying, Luther. The best way to bring a family together is at a wedding or a funeral." Yeah.. we're familiar. The funeral in the very first episode of the show. The wedding just last episode, and now. You've killed your own son.

Klaus is like, "Come on, what are you waiting for? And Five is so pissed. He knows Reginald killed Luther, but the kugelblitz is right there, and he has to go through. "This isn't over!" It never will be.

"You're just more trouble than you're worth."

For fucks sake Reginald!! You're killing everyone!!!

And Klaus kills himself on the white Buffalo either because he wants to go out on his own terms or because he doesn't want to be gone forever. He'd rather die where he can live in the afterlife. See his mom. Luther.

Your gifs! I can't find a majority of the ones I want.

[marshmallowprotection]

as i’m playing ray’s route again(not enough hourglasses for the AE yet lol) i kept thinking about how, in a realistic scenario, i particularly would have a hard time to actually start a romantic relationship with saeran right off the bat you know?? please don’t get me wrong!! i understand everything that he has gone through and his reasonings but after everything is “alright” (in the AE for example) it would be so insane to actually just have a normal relationship 😭😭 partially i blame that on my trust and commitment issues but the way saeran treats MC in his route hits a little too close to home(even if i wouldn’t really be that shaken by the insults etc)

since you are like the saeran expert i would like to hear your thoughts in a situation like that

Mystic Messenger asks you to suspend your disbelief in reality for the sake of the game. That goes for every character you romance, that is not limited to Saeran. Every Route would not happen that way if that situation played out realistically. 11 days? Yeah, no way. That's not the way things would work in our world. But, because it's a video game, I know that all of us shrug it off and go with it because it does a rather good job at making the romance feel realistic with what they have to work with.

So, hey, it's not weird to be like, "Hey, I love you, Saeran. I see myself in a relationship with you in the future once we've had more time to be sure of ourselves and what we want, but I don't want to rush into this while we're still working on finding your freedom and you want to know who you are outside of Mint Eye. Can we not put a label on us while we learn how to be together?"

And by God, that man would respect your decision to wait no matter what. If you told him that you didn't want to be with him, he wouldn't be upset, either. He's happy to be your friend if that's all you want to have with him. it's okay. He just wants to know that you'll be happy in life and as long as you've got that, he's okay with whatever label you want to have with him. You don't need to be afraid or paranoid about what he might think.

Saeran says these things himself during the Route. He respects your autonomy. He wants what you want. GE Saeran is someone you can count on. Ray and Suit Saeran made mistakes along the way but the two of them wanted to make it right for you, and that desire of theirs by the end comes to be a huge factor in who GE Saeran is. You don't have to forgive either of those two right away, either. Remember the night 9 conversation with Suit Saeran? He says you don't need to be accepting of his apology. He wanted to give it regardless.

Ray didn't want to hurt you, either. He fought against the cult and lied to save you multiple times once he began to take your words as what was the actual truth. You were so close to helping him decode his cult programming up until the moment that Rika wrenched him away and tried to break his new-found spirit out of him before she lost control of him. His apology is in there, too. Their apologies aren't excuses for their actions or choices, but it's a part of the journey to be better men in your life.

You get to choose what you want from them. Do you want to take an apology? Do you not want it? Do you want to take a chance on letting them in your life? Do you want them gone? That's a part of what you have to think about when you're trying to make a relationship with GE Saeran. Do you see yourself moving with the past and walking to your future with him after everything that's happened? So, of course, you have the right to define what you want and Saeran will work with you on that.

If I were writing the Route myself outside of the context of a video game, I would say that Another Story would take place over 6 months to a year instead of 11 days. Saeran's After Ending wouldn't be as fast as it is, either. That's roughly a month and some change, I'd probably chop that up into 2-3 months with a lot of bonus content.

[king-direwolf]

RWBY Volume 9 Chapter 8 Spoilers

I just really have to get my thoughts out here.

Part of me really hopes that Neo isn't gone gone. Like get the cat out of her and she's back. She has been my favorite of all the antagonists since she showed up. I don't think they can pull off making her a good guy if she lives. The most would be helping the group and then leaving. Again, that's if we even get her back.

The main thing going through my head is her realization of "what am I even going to do now?". All she wanted since Torchwick died was revenge. And she got it. And she sat there paralyzed because what is she even doing now. She's not like Torchwick or Cinder, or Salem. She doesn't have an agenda. She doesn't want to take over the world. The only things we've seen her actively want are helping Torchwick (we don't really have her reasoning for helping him, but I think it's mostly because she liked him) and killing Ruby.

The whole thing of Torchwick going "Offing little red can't be all you wanted. Right?". It was. Her motivation for several seasons (I think it's a little over two years in universe) has been so shallow. Her driving force for over two years has been revenge against one person, and now that she's dead what can Neo do? She's not really interested in helping Cinder. She only agreed to help her because she was her best chance at getting revenge. She knows that Salem is probably going to win and who knows what the world will be like after that. Neo has always been the one on the sidelines helping whoever is going to benefit her the most. And now...it's just her. With motivation she's unstoppable. But unless she figures out what she wants to do with the rest of her life she's lost. Salem won't be interested in having her join them. And...Cinder kinda betrayed her at the end of Volume 8.

Again. That's all IF we get Neo back. She could very well be completely gone from the show forever for all we know. I would hope they wouldn't do that. Although if that truly was the end of Neo, Torchwick still got a lot less of a send-off than she did.

Anyway, no matter what, Neo will always be my favorite and I really hope she isn't dead (the cat thing feels more like possession than killing her, so we'll see).

[bumblerhizal-art]

Okay okay okay okay how about, for the OC Codex prompts:

5. letters between two of your OC’s companions about them for Radka

12. your OC overheard while drunk for Pavle

8. your OC’s doctor/healer talking about their injuries for Novhen (am I thinking post-Archdemon? Maybe. But feel free to pick another point in time. Also ignore the quiet chanting of "angst, angst, angst!" in the background, that's nothing ^^)

Mix and match as you please, pick the ones you like, and have a lovely day! ^^

oh boy thanks for the ask! it’s not quite what you asked for, but i hope it’s good enough!

[Ask Game]

Content Warnings

All: Alcohol

Third: Blood, Vomit, Trauma, Parental Death (you wanted angst ¯\_ (ツ)_/¯)

5. letters between two of your OC’s companions about them

L,

We have arrived in Antiva safely. To think, just a year ago, our mutual friend was complaining of Ferelden's sun, but here, she's buried herself under so many veils to keep from burning that we won't even need disguises.

You need not worry in the slightest for her safety. As I'm certain she's telling you in her own letter, we're only getting moderately overzealous in our missions. I'll be sure she returns to you in one piece after we've had our fun.

As a quick aside, what types of wines do you prefer? We ask for no particular reason.

-Z

12. your OC overheard while drunk

An fragment of unaddressed letter apprehended from a servant at Vigil's Keep detailing a drunken conversation overheard from outside the Warden-Commander's quarters:

"And have you heard about that bullshit with the Hawkes?"

"At length."

"The real cherry on top is that that Garrett's a mage. They sent me to fucking Ferelden for that, but he gets to inherit the family estate? What did he even do? Take a vacation to the Deep Roads? I did all that and stopped a Blight, and I can't even return home to the Marches without getting carried off to the Gallows!"

"Let's not get ahead of ourselves. As I recall, while I shlepped through the actual Deep Roads, you were drinking wine with the king-to-be. Hardly the same thing."

"You owe the Diamond Quarter a visit if you think what I was doing wasn't just as dangerous. I know what I need to do. I'll write that bastard cousin a letter. Let him know that I know!"

"Yeah sure, could be funny. You can use what's on my desk. Just try to reread it sober before sending it."

––An apostate Amell among the Grey Wardens but not one himself. Potential leverage? Unclear if Hawke yet made aware.

8. your OC’s doctor/healer talking about their injuries

I do have something planned for your suggestion, but because medical information can be so tricky, I'm waiting to put it in one of my fics for the Archive (Gathering Frays, should be, i think i've shared snippets from it before). It'll be a grander execution than i can fit here. Don't worry, you'll still get your angst today though ;) It's not quite doctor's notes, but it's the closest he gets in the alienage

An entry from Valendrian's journal:

24 Kingsway, 9:25 Dragon

Finola found Novhen in an alley by the south docks half-conscious, reeking of alcohol, and covered in his own blood and vomit. He's barely responsive. We've cleaned him up as much as we could but found several bruises and a developing black eye in the process.

I gave him bread and stew, but he couldn't muster himself to eat it until long after it had gone cold. When I offered to walk him to his home for the night, he only grew more distressed.

I believe Del's family has been sharing their meals with the Tabris household this past week. Tomorrow, I will go with them and speak to Cyrion, but I'm not hopeful it will be a productive conversation. He hasn't so much as left his bed since Adaia's passing. I understand his need to grieve, but I worry for Novhen. Maker only knows how much he saw to be affected like this.

He's currently sitting by my fire. I expect he'll still be in the same spot come morning. With any luck, he will be more able to speak then.

[chaosgremlinlivinginyourwalls]

I was 9 years old when I got my first period. I was 9 years old and I was taller than everyone else in my class. When I was 9 I hated myself more than anyone. I was 10 when I met them, the one who singlehandedly brought my world down around me. I was 10 the first time I held a knife to my stomach, ready to end it all. Then I thought of my mother sitting in her bedroom. If I had gone through with it, she would have no middle child left(I had a younger brother who died soon after he was born). I was 11 when I found out they had lied about everything, I'm still not sure they ever loved me. I was 11 when I let them back in my life, but I was angry. Angry they had lied. Angry they had taken away almost a year of my life. I was 12 and starting middle school. I let them back in once more. I was still angry but I loved them more. They I was 12 when they left me once again. It was a long game of cat and mouse, except I just wanted the affection they had once given me. I was 13 when my mom died. My carefully created world fell around me once more. I picked up the pieces by Monday and went to school. It had only been three days. I needed normal. Dad didn't understand. A month after mom's death I was put in therapy. I loved my therapist, sure she scared me at first but she was always kind and always listened when I needed to let down the walls I built. Those walls would go right back up the moment I left her office. 6 months after mom's death, there were bleeding red lines on my upper thigh. Then school started and they were back. We're friends again, but I'm still just the extra. A few months later, I want to be left alone for a bit but the keep poking me and I get angry. I grab their arm a bit too hard and end up leaving a bruise. Though I didn't know that because they ignored me for a week. Another few months go by and they end up moving schools. We have no way to contact each other and we just stop talking. They get a phone and say they'll text me when they can. They never do. I block their number and cut them out of my life. I had been thinking about everything that has happened in the 4 years we've known each other. The last instance was in March-May. I seen them yesterday(4th of July) and I panicked. I've cut myself multiple times since last July and I've been on Antidepressants since August. It will be 5 years since I met them on August 23rd. I'm tired of them taking up my time. They have broke me so many times and I'm done letting them walk all over me. I'm not a new person but I'm definitely stronger than the 10 year old they met. The 10 year old girl they met was trusting and hurting. She opened up and got hurt. She was honestly a little foolish. I have no trust left and I'm broken but healing. They have no power over me. Not anymore. You've lost.

[acourtofquestions]

Kingdom of Ash Chapters 8-9:

Chapter 8:

“Gone. Or had never been. But it had felt real…”

I think this is the worst part. She doesn’t know.

And this one haunts her… haunts Fenrys… the flames

“More so than the other memories that pressed in, demanding she acknowledge them. Accept them.”

She won’t accept them. The ones that aren’t real.

And the pain knowing she’s still fighting it. Even now.

The way she says “perhaps they’d melted away in the brazier” like she did too

And the worst part the move

Help how is “Fenrys the size of a pony” somehow cute and almost cheery to mer

The worst part is Maas skipped the first months because she’s here having you watch her break… when she is already worn.

“Run. Now.”

Then the gods whispered… why then?

“Along with that strange gift of his to leap between short distances, as if he were moving from one room to another. She'd long since lost hope he'd find some way to use it, to bear them away from here. She doubted he'd miraculously reclaim the ability, should the guard's sword strike.”

How does Fenrys powers work?

“Yet if she heeded that voice, if she ran, was the cost of his life worth her own? "You're debating it, aren't you," Cairn hissed in her ear. She could feel his smile even through the sack blinding her. "If the wolf's life is a fair cost to get away." A lover's laugh. "Try it. See how far you get. We've a few minutes of walking left." She ignored him. Ignored that voice whispering to run, run, run.”

Too long it’s been too long

“Rasping for breath, the mist fading away to cool night air. Sweet smells. Flowers.”

“Flowers still existed. In this world, this hell, flowers bloomed somewhere.”

The flowers line made me cry… this is why I paint… artists make flowers

The hood flickering… like a TOG paralell but worse… not a kind prince but an evil queen

And Fenrys signal his need to signal

SHED BEEN THERE IN HOF OH OW FULL CIRCLE FUUUUCCCKKKKKK

What is it with that damned owl? Please be a savior owl?

“Only one wolf sprawled at her feet this time. Black as night, as the queen’s eyes”

Foreshadowing… but it’s literally shadows???

“A terrible surprising weight”

“A different sort of shackle. As it had always been.”

Thorns

"Mab's crown," Maeve said. "Your crown, by blood and birthright. Her true Heir."

SO ITS TRUE… wait with Maeve being Valg… is she the only true heir now?

THE REALLY FULL (& circle) HEIR OF FIRE

“Aelin of the Wildfire”

Does the capitalized “W” mean anything?

“Breathe-breathing was key, was vital. She pulled her mind out, away, inhaling and exhaling. A wave sweeping back from the shore, then returning.”

“She drifted further back, away. Each breath tugged her out to sea, to a place where words and feelings and pain became a distant shore.”

This broke my heart as someone with chronic pain & a reallly shitty childhood cause that’s literally what you’re told to do.

But Fenrys kept her there for him

This is worse than UTM

There once was a princess

NOT YET… the same words from the beach…

"Aelin Fire-Bringer, wearing her proper Faerie Queen's crown at last. Kneeling at my feet."

Faerie Queen

“but without the wildness, without the mischief shining from his face.”

The black wolf gave no blinking code

Did he really speak freely or was it a lie?

Why we love Fenrys

Twin knives for the twin he was about to lose and the one that died too

“Fenrys's dark eyes shot toward her. He blinked four times. She could not bring herself to blink back. Her fingers curled and uncurled in her lap.”

The mannerism habit Rowan later holds… the words that break all their hearts

“Fenrys bared his teeth, even as something like grief dimmed his stare. Another burning wave washed through her knees, across her thighs. Aelin closed her eyes against it. She would endure this, would bear down on this. Her people had suffered for ten years. Were likely suffering now. For their sake, she would do this. Embrace it. Outlast it.”

I’m still reading so maybe I’ll change my mind but this is why I hate Darrow because he made her think like this

Also once again Terrasen & Endure the two words always intertwined with the lost children

Hurry Rowan

Something like grief lines always kill me

How dare you Connall how about Aedion and Lys come and destroy you for that comment before you join a new cadre hmm?? — Fuck this annotation did not age well in 2 pages

The foreign queen remark… mmmm… how dare you? Yeah, Nope!

“Fenrys snarled, and the sound must have been some secret language between them, because Connall snorted. "Leave? Why would I ever want to leave? And for what? That?" Even with her eyes shut, Aelin knew he pointed toward her. "No, Fenrys. I will not leave. And neither will you."”

Another secret language

And he tries to save his life save hers and he doesn’t go

Maeve was too cruel she wouldn’t even let him die she’d do much worse… why??? What did Fenrys do for this??? NOTHING. THATS WHAT! It’s who that’s the problem and UGH I HATE HER DAMN YOU VALG MAEVE

Her just flipping Maeve off (I love Aelin)

"An account that you were currently in Terrasen, readying the little army you gathered for war. You, and Prince Rowan, and my two disgraced warriors. Along with your usual group."

Dammit that guy reported back didn’t he

The moment she thinks he isn’t coming… why does she believe it? Is it because the lie would be too close to the truth? Or the time? Or her self worth? Or hoping he’s safe? Oh my heart this is brutal no no nooo ROWAN HURRY I KNOW UR TRYING BUT BABE RUN NOW LISTEN TO ELIDE DAMMIT

“Aelin hadn't realized she'd been holding on to it. That sliver of hope, foolish and pathetic. That sliver of hope that he'd come for her. She had told him not to, after all. Had told him to protect Terrasen. Had arranged everything for him to make a desperate stand against Morath. "Useful, to have a shape-shifter to play your part as queen," Maeve mused. "Though I wonder how long the ruse can last without your special gifts to incinerate Morath's legions. How long until the allies you collected start asking why the Fire-Bringer does not burn."”

Hope is never foolish

The firebringer that does not burn

The breaks just get worse as they fracture more every single time like glass under her soul

“Rowan had gone with them. They'd all gone to the North. And had reached Terrasen. A small mercy. A small mercy, and yet ...”

“The glass around her sparkled in the mist and moonlight, her blood a thick stain wending through it.”

Not this as the mental image for throne of glass

What do you want from the world then Valg queen bitch? — but also you’ll never be my bitch queen… she’s just a bitch! *john Mulaney voice*

Back to the days of tea and courts… I miss them

“The glass, the blood, the veranda and moonlight eddied in her vision.”

“There were no gods to save her. Not really.”

No

No Rowan… no no nooooooooooo

Rock and water and no flames

“Alone. She was alone in this. It would be of no use to beg the white wolf to help her.”

I am here I am with you

Endure; outlast-

Wait there were dragons?

What are wyverns then?

“Other fire-wielders—hunted and killed.”

Whyyyy????

“She didn't know why she felt it then. That shred of sorrow for creatures that had not existed for untold centuries. Who would never again be seen on this earth. Why it made her so unspeakably sad. Why it mattered at all, when her very blood was shrieking in agony.”

No one can ever call her selfish to me again

“Aelin couldn't stop the shaking that overtook her, the brutal numbness. Deep, deep, she drifted It did not matter if Rowan wasn't coming. If the others had obeyed her wishes to fight for Terrasen. She would save it in her own way, too. For as long as she could. She owed Terrasen that much. Would never fully repay that debt.”

“From far away, the words echoed, and memory shimmered.”

Her father this time

THE SHIELD

"To defend, Aelin. To protect."

Then her mother with the yield quote

Once Rowan’s words had left her

“She had nodded, not understanding. And her father had kissed her brow, as if he half hoped she'd never need to.”

“No sound remained in her for screaming.”

The most painful lines… The psychology here is so accurate it’s painful and ugh how why this writing owwww my soul it’s just literally painful and nauseating

“No. The word was a cold clang through her. Her lips even formed it as she jerked against the chains, lines of liquid fire shooting along her legs.”

HOLY GODS IF FENRYS FUCKING DIES IM GOING TO LOSE IT

No like what she’d said to Arobynn for Sam the memory in the word

“Fenrys. Her only tether to life, to this reality”

Aelin’s line said it right

She screamed for Fenrys… she broke her silence for him

“The owl on Maeve's throne flapped its wings once, as if in horror.”

Is the owl Silba or something? Maybe it’s not evil? But stuck? Elena… Mala… something… someone? Mab? Mora?

Is Maeve even her name or just a rhyme (dumb thought I know but this chapter killed my brain)

“Real. This was real. It had to be.”

… I did not expect that to somehow be worse

Maeve sounds like Arobynn

The white wolf… pure… dark…

“Connalls heart could mend—”

I hate her… Maeve… has there ever been a more thought out villain?

“She let herself lie there, half sprawled. Let the crown tumble off her head and skitter across the floor, dragon-glass spraying where it bounced. Bounced, then rolled, curving across the veranda. All the way to the stone railing. And into the roaring, hateful river below.”

Rolfe bring the dragons back please

"There is no one here to help you." Maeve's voice was as empty as the gaps between stars.”

Stars😭

WHAT PRICE AGAIN?

"And there is no one coming for you."

LIAR!!!!

“Aelin's fingers curled in the ancient glass”

Perfect aim (again TAB circle)

“She barely felt it, barely felt it through the rage and the sea of fire down deep, deep below.”

YES FERAL AELIN RAGE RUN GIRL RUN

No…. Shiiittttt. No.

Please tell me Cairn is dead?

Fuck.

“Black blood. As dark as night. As dark as the eyes that the queen fixed on her, a hand rising to her cheek.”

AELIN KNOWS

“A trick of the light. A hallucination, another dream. Maeve peered at the crimson stain coating her pale fingers. An onyx wind snapped for Aelin, wrapping around her neck. It squeezed, and she knew no more.”

DID THEY JUST WIPE HER MEMORY

What the hell are these chapters SARAH😭

Chapter 9:

ITS FENRYS😭 as Fenrys😭 OH WHY DOES THIS HURT SO MUCH

“Beyond words, unsure her throat would even work, Aelin blinked three times. Are you all right? Two blinks answered. No.”

The fact he answer No for once😭

Am I okay? The answer is also NO!

“Lingering salt tracks streaked his cheeks.”

Normal writers: he had been crying. SJM: ⬆️

“Silently, he slid his hand into hers.”

One hand reached out😭☠️

“She mouthed the words, even though he likely couldn't make them out with the slit of the mask's mouth. I'm sorry.”

He knows it’s not her and it kills him even more like the later hug

Okay so Maeve is officially the worst ever

AELIN WEEPS FOR ROWAN😭🖤💀

“Let him stay in this form for a while longer, let him mourn as a male and not a wolf. Let him stay in this form so she could hear a friendly voice, feel a gentle touch—”

SHE LITERALLY IS KEEPING GLASS UNDER HER SKIN TO GIVE HIM A MOMENT OF REPRIEVE

“She began to cry. She couldn't help it. Couldn't stop it once it started. Hated every tear and shuddering breath,”

No Rowan lightening

“And she couldn't tell him, couldn't start to explain that it wasn't the glass, the shredded skin down to the bone.”

“He wasn't coming. He wasn't coming to get her.”

HE WASNT COMING

“She should be glad. Should be relieved. She was relieved. And yet ... and yet …”

He didn’t know why she wept

What Maeve is

Does Aelin even?

It hurt them both😭 the wounds reopening over and over

“Neither of them said a word.”

And the scar disappears🫥

[airenyah]

apparently i can't seem to keep my mouth shut so here i go rambling about acting again...

so i was watching some behind the scenes from hidden agenda and there's this one point from when they were filming the biking scene from the practice date in the park and joong makes fun of dunk for not holding onto him properly and then dunk discusses with staff how exactly he's supposed to hold joong/joke (from 2:45 on)

and there's this one thing that dunk explains afterwards (min 3:37) that delights me a lot in particular and it's this:

because YES!! he's right!!!!

it delights me to hear him say this because growing up my mom would often point out acting things to me and especially since the start of the pandemic we've done a lot of analyzing and this thing about the hands that dunk is talking about here is actually something my mom has mentioned to me before on multiple occasions when we were talking about body language in acting

in fact, i remember this one moment in particular from a year ago: we were watching the eclipse together as it aired and towards the end of the series (ep 9?? or 10 maybe????) there was this one point during an akkayan scene where my mom suddenly pointed at khaotung and went "he looks tense". and i was so confused because the boys were lying in bed in that scene, they were lying down and i was like "how the FUCK do you even see that????"

and so over the rest of the episode (and the following ones) my mom started to look out for scenes where that tension she was referring to was easier to see so that she could explain to me how she could tell. she did find a scene and i was like "ohhh ok yeah i think i get it"

and then the final episode dropped and we were watching it together as usual when suddenly my mom hits pause and goes "do you see it?"

and i immediately knew she was referring to the curled up fingers:

in fact, i had watched the ep without subs for thai practice before watching it together with her and even by myself i'd already noticed that (and i knew my mom would say something about it lmao)

and the issue with khao's hands in this scene is exactly what dunk is saying in the hidden agenda behind the scenes clip from above. khao is touching first's waist only with the tips of his fingers and it looks tentative, as if he doesn't quite dare to maximize the physical touch by using his entire hand to hold first

and that isn't to say as an actor you are forbidden from ever curling your fingers like that! however, everything you do in front of the camera (or on stage) needs to be on purpose. so if you're curling up your fingers when holding onto your colleague? well, it should be a conscious decision that you've taken in order to tell the audience a particular thing regarding the story/the character(s)/the relationship between the characters/etc

and here in the eclipse those curled fingers look strange because here we are basically at the end. we're in the final episode, more than halfway through the final part of the episode (part 4/4, min 9:04 out of 14mins to be exact). at this point the characters have been through a lot together, they've gone through character development, after a long, tumultuous story ayan and akk are finally on the same page as akk is finally comfortable with and open about his feelings for aye. so aye looking like he's afraid to touch akk just feels completely off at this point in the story (esp considering that in the story ayan is the one who is open and unapologetic about his feelings and his wants)

anyway, this is just something i was reminded of when i was watching the behind the scenes of hidden agenda and dunk brought up the hand issue. and i just always get really excited when i watch interviews and especially behind the scenes videos and the actors mention/talk about/explain something that i was taught myself

(also, disclaimer just in case: i don't mean to say that khaotung is a bad actor bc we all know that's not the case. it's just, that particular moment is off for the reasons that i've explained above. and it's somehow relieving to know that even pros don't necessarily nail every single second of their screen time kdjffdkjgf)

[from-my-bed-at-midnight]

my one dear friend of 9 years, and my lover for 4 months left me at the end of last year. just before i graduated from college.

just like that he left me behind as if nothing happened. nothing for the past 9 years, even more, ever happened in our life. i lost both a dear friend and a lover. well, ex-lover now.

i absolutely lost for words when he told me he wanted to leave everything behind because he found someone better for him.

the cat definitely had taken my tongue.

the way i would describe our relationship was we decided to try something we've always wanted to have with each other: a romantic relationship. or in fact, we tried to finish something that weren't finished yet. we knew we always had something for each other. unfortunately, for us, we happened to be the right person for each other but we decided to give it a go at the worst time possible.

i was struggling with my education, meaning i was barely graduated from college alive. i know, that's what she said. and he got transported into different island in my home country. we were in a pretty rough situation, we hardly ever met during those 4 months. the only communication option we got was through messenger apps.

i know what people probably would be thinking. LDR is indeed hard but as long as you willing to give it a try, it might work. it can work, but not for us. i didn't know how do what people told me. i just couldn't be there for the sake of the relationship. i was just beyond tired. i was barely there for myself even. i didn't know where to put my heart. eventually i could feel myself fading away, from him.

i tried to say things to make him understand. altho i couldn't, i didn't know what happen to me. i thought of breaking it off with him two months in the relationship but he just in short, didn't like it. so i decide to stay and kept some more faith in myself. bad news was i kept feeling myself fading away since then. until one day, i tried to talk it out with him. now, it was just too late.

"hey, how are u, i hope u're doing well. sorry i've been so on and off lately. i hope u have a good day."

"thanks. can i talk with u for a sec?"

"sure. what is it?"

"i'm sorry, i think i can't do this anymore. i've done things that makes me not worth of ur loyalty anymore."

i just knew something happened with him, his life. something was wrong. something had shifted. and i was absolutely, right. of course, i've seen this before. how could i be so foolish. i've known him for so long.

"oh, what did u do?"

"i think i like someone else." i knew it.

"okay, there's nothing i can do then." of course, i didn't know what to do. honestly, i didn't even want him to stay anymore. there's no use of begging people whose hearts have changed, to stay in your life. i believe so.

and just like that, i lost everything. i lost two people at the same time. i wasn't even sad. i was just angry, and disappointed. the thing is, i knew something like this gonna happen again. i've been there so many times.

i've been in a situation where he would be so close and then the next time i realized, he was gone. one day we would have each other, and the next he was there for someone else. he left me floating for years, and i never went anywhere. when i thought i was somewhere else, everytime he came around, i would always be around him. again. and again. every goddamn time.

i thought i was special. we had something different. his heart was only for me. i always thought if he didn't work out with anybody else, it was because his heart was meant only for me. of course, i was wrong. always been wrong all this time.

he doesn't know where to put himself out there. doesn't know what to do with himsef, with his heart. doesn't know what to do with his life. always craving for something more. doesn't know how to feel enough with himself. with his life. his greed and pride knows no end. his monster doesn't know how to stop its hunger.

because i'm not the only who has witnessed that monster. i've always known about that monster exist within him. yet i keep my mouth shut. i don't know when he's gonna stop. i just hope he's gonna feel enough soon. i hope he's gonna find someone who makes him feel enough. who's gonna stop that monster inside. put that hunger to a halt.

in my deepest honesty, i feel terribly sorry for the girl. i really wish i can put a curse on him. to show the world that a monster exists inside him. to put the warning sign for whoever gonna be within his reach next. no good girl worth knowing such monster.

but knowing there's not much i can do, therefore i pray for if he gonna do the same thing again, please God make her realize soon what hell he's bringing to her life.

[traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors]

idk what TW apply but mildly sexual topic and weird stuff with my mom

I haven't been able to get a bra at all since I was like 13? I had gotten a pack or two of training bras when I was 9 or 10 and after that I got two sports bras but it's been multiple years and I wear 2 or 3 of the training bras layered over each other to try and act like a bra because they're all stretched out and have a few holes and stuff. The two sport bras are also stretched out and don't work well and hurt to wear.

Any time my mom offered to bring me bra shopping we'd go to second hand stores and she'd pick out some bras and I'd have to try them on, but she'd come into the changing room and "check" if the bras really fit or not. I'm super uncomfortable with anyone seeing me shirtless (tons of gender dysphoria around my boobs) and I usually end up crying.

My mom gets mad at me for being so "difficult" and "frustrating" and we end up leaving without getting any bras. It's been a while since we've gone failed bra shopping and I'm not really given any money so I can't go out and buy anything on my own.

Is my mom being weird or am I being unreasonable and stuff? My mom has also commented about how I have a feminine figure and has touched my butt a few times too.

Hi anon,

I'm sorry about what you've been going through.

It sounds unusual (at least in my experience) that you weren't able to get a bra until around age 13. Especially if the bras you have are worn and have holes in them, it shouldn't be too much of a problem to get some more.

Because the bras are for you, you deserve to have more in a say of which you get to wear. Your mom should respect your boundaries, especially in a changing room, and it's a little odd for her to come in and check if the bras fit without your consent. I think it's a simple boundary to not go in when your child is changing, and so it comes off to me as a red flag, as well as the fact that you say she has touched your butt multiple times as well.

Please know that you are not being unreasonable. It sounds like your mom does not respect your boundaries or your body, and I think it's important for you to explore this more, but to also take care of yourself and not explore anything you're not ready to.

I hope I could help. Please let us know if you need anything.

-Bun

[why-rock-look-tasty-if-no-eat]

Below isnt even a quarter of everything I've through, but it is stuff that I have previously told to some friends and all of them have agreed that it's fucked up. So if you're not ready to hear about some stuff from my 23 long years of life then skip this for your sake and mental wellbeing

I have:

Been starved for most of my childhood, some of it intentional by an adult, but most of it came from being so poor that I, a 6-10 yo, had to fish for food to feed the family. I'm the youngest. I was 13-14 when I was denied food every other weekend at my sperm donors house because his gf didn't like my older sibling and I. She apologized to my older sibling about it but not to me

Lived through at least two murder attempts by two family members before I turned 12. One was strangulation (8 yo) another was drowning (11 yo). It wouldn't surprise me if there was attempts on my life while I was sleeping

Accidentally joined a space cult when I was 5, but that cult got ran out of town a few months later

Heard more death threats than my name, I love you's, and nighttime stories between the ages of 5-20. I played a cd of a Junibee Jones book when I 6-7 for comfort before my sperm donor threw it away

Developed a trauma response for sleeping because I thought my sperm donor would kill me in my sleep when I was at his house and my mother didn't believe me even though he was making public death threats against my older sibling and I on facebook. So now I can function for 30+ hours off 2-5 hours of sleep or sleep for 19 hours straight when I feel safe and have been particularly sleep deprived

Been so emotionally, socially, medically, psychologically, and physically abused and neglected that I spent most of my teenage years reminding myself that I'm human because I had to think myself as not-human growing up otherwise I would have gone insane otherwise

Complained so much about being hungry when I was 7-9 that I would sometimes be shoved in the dog kennel (with a corgi and basset hound) and forced to act like a dog to be let out. Including eating dog food and drinking from the water bowl

Been jabbed in the chest when I was 7 with a butter knife and told to shut up or they'd stab me with a kitchen if I asked one time for a spoonful of peanut butter out of the jar that they were eating from

Had to play ignorant when my mother implied that I, a 13 yo at the time, was purposefully plying for the gym teachers 'special attention' (nothing happened except for him looking at me but he did get charged with sleeping with a few cheer leaders)

Under the Geneva Convention I have been psyologically tortured, I don't really know how many times, by social isolation (once, two weeks where I got fed twice a day or they sometimes forgot about me the whole day) and sleep deprivation (idek how many times. Maybe three times?) while working at my last job

Been starved so much for so many years that I developed a habit of eating pieces of dead/ripped skin and scabs. Though I stopped eating scabs when I turned 8

Never said 'I hate this family' since I was 11 after I was practically dragged by my hair off the top bunk and into the kitchen and got my head shoved into the oven and told to be grateful that I have such a good family because other families put their kids in the oven and turned it on and if I didn't stop saying stuff like that, then that's what would happen to me

Eaten moldy foods like bread and grapes because I was to hungry to not waste food, and the mold would help my immune system get stronger

Talked my older sibling out of suicide when I was 14 just for them to suicide bait me every time we've talked this past year. Including on my birthday and our grandfather's funeral. No baiting during their birthday though

Almost lost use of my thumb because a corgi bit through my hand when I was 7-8 and I still have scars from the bite. I don't blame her for it though, my sperm donor was abusing her and I approached her right after he beat her. My mother didn't know this happened until last month despite it being a hospital worthy wound

Been told it was my fault for getting my sperm donor and I in a car accident when I was 5 because I was asking questions at an intersection. The other driver ran the red light and he made me get in a car with people I didn't know, but he did know, to go to kindergarten (where he was driving me) less than fifteen after the accident happened despite me bawling for him to not leave me

Lost two childhood homes (10 and 20) because I wasn't told we/they were moving out until the day of. An older lady poked fun of me when I was 12 for being materialistic about my items and told me about how she once lost everything as a kid and I had to pretend that I also didn't lose most of my childhood items when I was 10

Been in so much pain from a right hip nerve injury that I was able to sit through 3 hours of dental surgery with the local and topical anesthesia being to low of a dosage so I felt most of it. I signaled that I needed more but the dentist and assistant ignored me. That injury was purposefully undiagnosed by 3 doctors and now I have the equivalent sense of touch of wearing a rubber glove over my toes and I have to consciously think where I step

Been told by a group of 5 men that they wouldn't have hesitated to rape me if we didn't work together. I worked night shift with them in a loud environment and wouldn't be off schedule with them for another 2 weeks

My older sibling constantly invalidating my traumas by saying that others have it worse than me while bemoaning about their own life. My mother likes to pretend that my older sibling and I didn't have that bad of childhoods

Cried over two packets of fruit snacks when I was 19 because I asked a roommate to buy me some fruit snacks as a joke and didn't expect her to do it. I kept getting yelled between the ages of 16-18 just for asking to get a 5 dollar meal after a 2 hour long workout twice a week and was told that buying that for me would be a waste of money

One of two of my most prominent memories from childhood is when I was 8 during winter time I walked out of my bedroom before the sun rose and stared into the empty pantry for an hour imagining what it'd look like to have food in there and wondering if it was safe to eat raisins that were 10 months expired

Started a life long hatred towards raisins because they kept those there for months after the above happened and I didn't want to risk eating them but they were one of three things in the pantry at any given point

Two out two most prominent memory is when I was sick with a fever of 103°F (39°C) but was told by my older sibling to get something from upstairs for them because they were playing a game (TS2). By the time I got to the stairs I couldn't walk anymore so I crawled up them but collapsed a few feet from the door. Older sibling told me to stop being lazy and get up to finish my task and started yelling at me when I said I couldn't move so they got up to get it themselves. When they passed me on the stairs I heard them saying "So pathetic and useless, can't even do one thing right" and left me there crying until our parents came home an hour later

Been forced to sit outside during a thunderstorm when I was 6 because I was 'being annoying' about my fear of thunder and I wasn't allowed to go back inside until I finished eating my blueberry bagel

Developed a hatred towards bagels that I only got over a few years ago but I still refuse to touch blueberry bagels. My favorite bagel is cinnamon raisin ironically enough

Known for 8 years now that my older sibling wishes that I was never born and blames me for our fathers war related PTSD and abusive alcoholism after he came back

Never been smart enough for my mother despite me constantly scoring in the top ranks of national tests and being in; AP Literature, AP (English) Language, AP Chemistry, AP Physics, AP US History, AP US Government, AP Psychology, (not AP but its not a normal curricular so I think it gets a pass) Sociology. I played in regular/marching bands, competitve Jazz and City Bands, and a competitive marching band (I played 3 instruments) and I sang in Women's Varsity Choir. Not to mention that I could have gotten my Associates in Criminology before I graduated HS if my mother agreed to drive me to the second year campus. During my last year of national testing I scored in like the 70% range of my weakest subject (math) and my mother told me I could have done better even though I literally only missed I think 2 questions in the English section and like 5 in Science, I don't remember my general score range for History. Legit though, that memory still pisses me the hell off and her reaction as well as me not getting to complete my Associates made me give up for the rest of my HS year and a half. Genuinely though, out of everything that moment was the moment was the straw that broke the camels back but now that I got spinal surgery , I'm filled with the rage of a million yellow jackets whose nest was shooken.

And I'm turned out fine!

Nothing quite like dropping some deranged lore about yourself only to follow it up with, "and I turned out fine!"

[aurevery]

Feathers | Chapter Nine: The Pocket Watch

I swiped my finger to the left on my phone, marking as 'seen' the last email from work, my eyes feel tired by looking and reading at the screen for almost the whole day, I finally turn my phone off and place it on my chest, then closing my eyes shut for a while.

The sun was not longer in the highest point in the sky, rather just about to hide, but no one have shown up yet, Celinne and I have been awaiting their arrival in the living room, me, dressed in a sweater since the weather forecast said that it´ll be quite cool today. And for Celinne, who is sitted on the couch infront of me, is dressed casual, but with her hair down, and with a concentrated look on her face, she keeps her eyes on the laptop on her lap, some time ago she told me that she has been working on her thesis before graduating, to not rush things in the last minute, but the thing is that she has been in that since the Doctor and Aida left, which is now, quite an amount of time.

Now that I’m finally done with my duties and have nothing to do for the rest of the day, I can't help but wonder where our hosts head to by night, The wom- ahem. Aida, she usually leaves the house around the afternoon, I know that because recently I have found her in the kitchen when the sun rises, I have gotten so used to the coffee when I used to work that now I can’t properly function when there isn’t any in my system, and for she, Aida arrives and heads directly to the elevator, but no glance nor word comes out of our mouths, not even a 'good morning'. Perhaps I should change that, but I'm not sure if she will even reply. She seems more like a reserved type of person.

And as for the doctor, even though he is more talkative and cheery than Aida, I can't help but feel like he is hiding something from us. And considering what we've already talked about, like the feathers and all that stuff I'm not even sure if I want to know more anymore. However we must pay attention to these little details in the way he talks since now Celinne and I must get through their secrets to know if we should trust them with the feather, I mean, what would they even wish for? They doesn’t seem to lack in any need like money nor health, maybe perhaps they’re more ambitious and want something in specific.

But to achieve that we need them to put their trust on us first.

The grand clock on the wall hits 9:30 pm. The main door creaks and surprisingly the woman enters along with a storm of wind following behind her, usually, it's always the other way around, first comes the doctor and then Aida, far much later than him. But today something feels off, perhaps the Doctor has some delay and is catching on his way back…?

Hopefully nothing bad happened.

Aida takes off her hat, then sluggished and exhaustively places it on the tall coat rack beside the door, her coat swaying along with the wind, her other hand at the handle of the door, slowly closing it. Her face looks tired, pale even, with eyelids and face down; and just for some reason, her hair seems a little wet. Just where has she been? It hasn't rained since the thunderstorm. Her figure seems awfuly familiar to me, like I have seen this before.

She reminds me of how I physically looked a few years ago, back in the days when dad was still... when he was still with us, I clearly crystal remember that when I started working in the company I was trying so hard to become like him, a hard-working man that always seemed proud and confident with the amount of piles of work he had, but he somehow always managed to finish it perfectly and due in time, It seemed like a second nature to him from others perspective. I guess it does really pays off working around the field for quite the years. And I followed his steps, followed the tips he gave me and as the years had gone long passed, thankfully I got used to working the whole day, no longer being tired because of my aggravating sleep schedule, since the motivation of his wish becoming true is the thing that keeps me going.

For that same reason is why the company is so important to me, If "Atelier" ever goes down, it will be like my dad's downfall, along with mine, and my mother, and coworkers. A long time ago, my father’s dream was to turn the company into a globally recognized brand, so that wherever he went he would see a car he designed, and be proud because of it, the thing is that he never wanted the attention on himself, but the recognition of his designs by his parents. From what I have heard from them is that they were harsh on him since he was a little artist kid, that luckily got the knowledge to how create vehicles. But my grandparents weren’t happy with his decision to follow his dream, so their relationship wasn’t the best of them all. Quite far from different to how he acted with me, always supporting me, cheering me up and congratulating me for every little thing I achieved since I remember. And for this reason, I decided to continue his legacy, to take his role, and to prove my grandparents wrong… but to how things have been lately, the falldown of Atelier is now a possibility, and I must do anything and everything to avoid this situation completely.

Blinking out of my daydream, I stand up alongside Celinne at the same time, and the cushion makes a sound that grabs Aida’s attention, she quickly turns at us alarmed, her right hand instinctively reaching behind her coat around her hip for something our eyes couldn´t reach, her analyzing eyes opened up wide.

When she noticed it was just us her eyes slowly closed as she let a long sigh while looking down. "Ah, cierto" she muttered... in Spanish? Is she not from here? before my thought wanders too long she speaks. "My apologies, time slipped by me" Then she takes a look at our clothes "I assume you are ready" Celinne replies with a nod as Aida hums in agreement "follow me then" is all she says before grabbing her hat again and... closing the main door? I thought we were going out?

With no word she walks to the kitchen, all the place iluminated by the window. Celinne's look questions me as she hesitantly closes her laptop, I mindlessly reply with a shrug while placing my phone on my pants pocket, both of us utterly confused.

We followed her into the dining room before she stopped at the kitchen counter and began to look for something in the inner pockets of her coat, While she searches Celinne began to tie her hair back in a bun, and once Aida eyes perked up up she took her right hand out of her pocket and quietly handed us an old golden pocket watch.

Celinne hesitantly took it and both of us began to examine it from up close. The lid seemed quite rusty and had exquisite carvings that draw what it seemed like some kind of bird, a long golden chain hanging from one of its ends. Aida slowly takes a step towards us and presses the crown on the bottom side of the pocket, the lid quickly opened from the inside by the time she retreated. It showed us a white clock that read 3:20, it didn't tick like my own black watch resting on my left wrist, both quite far from the actual hour.

It seemed perfectly clean from the inside like it has never opened before, and instead of the classical numbers we see every day there were roman numerals, it looked like from centuries ago, but it was well preserved.

"May I?" the woman said, We took our eyes from the pocket watch and handed it back to her once again.

She started to clear her throat as she speaked these words "Please do not alarm yourselves for what you are about to see." She says and begins to take off her right glove with her mouth, doubt places on my face, or is it concern?, what does she means by alarm? Once her hand is naked we noticed that her hand had also some bandages wrapped around her palm and some fingers, we hold not much thought to that, because when her thumb softly touches the crown of the pocket watch once again, I feel my eyes opening up wide when the carvings if the bird began to glow purple, forcing the lid to pop up, and the smaller of the hands of the clock quickly heading in regression to the "XII" ,once it reached the number it began to tick normally.

Suddenly I feel a light on the right side of my face growing beside us, When we both slowly turned to look at it there was a small purple circle growing bigger by the second, as it spiraled, it emitted brighter and brighter light along length, and when it was a little larger than me it stopped growing but it kept spiraling.

…

We both stayed stone in astonishment, words left me as I keep turning my sight from the pocket watch to this purple thing spiraling, “What in the f-“ Celinne rubbed her eyes with her hands before opening them once again "Am I dreaming?" She whispered to herself. "Miles are you seeing this?" Celinne rapidly shaked my shoulder but I couldn’t really give her an answer, catching our attention again by clearing her throat, Aida placed herself beside that thing. "This is your new reality now, So I am asking you to keep this a secret between us." She said dead serious a frown evident on her face.

"What the hell" finally escaped me, then Celinne followed with "Miles are you seeing what I AM seeing?" Viontly shaking my shoulder once again. I nod at her but keeping my eyes glued to the light. Aida interfered “The pocket watch opens a portal for us to go into a specific place from our memories" Aida positioned herself again but now in front of the portal and turning her head at us "Now with that information being said, follow me."

And with that she passed casually through the portal, disappearing into that purple spiral, me along Celine kept frozen in place, not moving an inch, "Are we supposed to just to walk into that just like that?" Celinne said to herself more than to me. After a few seconds of none of us moving Aida's gloved hand came out of the portal suggesting we take it. Celine gulped, then she looked at me slowly releasing my shoulder, taking a deep breath she began to lightly hit herself in the cheeks, hesitantly walking to the portal with her hand reaching up to Aida's, "Just close your eyes and everything will be fine" she muttered getting closer to the portal, and when she finally grabbed Aida's hand, Celinne was pulled into the portal in a quick motion as a squeak escaped her.

I started to panic at the realization and almost ran straight to the portal as if I could have reached her arm, and then I slowly took a few steps back without taking my eyes off of it. "Celinne?" I ask in the now empty kitchen, not sure if she can even hear me, then Aida's hand comes once again, I take a look at it for a few seconds, doubting if I should follow her, then unconsciously my right hand slowly gets closer to hers, but I quickly take it back in a quick motion, and as if sensing this, her fingers stretched out to me, as if telling me to trust her or just to grab her bloody hand. I slowly took a deep breath and brought my hand close once again, when my palm touches her own I feel her fingers wrapping around my wrist in a firm grip, then she quickly pulls me in, barely bearing time to close my eyes shut.

It felt like being pulled into the water, but I don't feel any wetness in my body nor clothes, and I can no longer feel the hand that was wrapped around my wrist, when I open my eyes, the strong wind blows directly on my face, bashing all my hair and clothing back, the scenery that greets me is truly one of a kind.

The last yellow, orange, and red sun rays in the horizon illuminate the whole city from where I am standing, clouds of different shades and shapes envelope us in a fantastic panoramic, The sun meeting the sea gives the water a shining golden color, some birds flow from behind us towards the sun, giving the final touch to this experience, the weather alongside the wind it's quite chilly up here but I feel no coldness, too astounded by the sky in front of me. A long sigh lowly escaping me.

I turn to look at my sides, on the right is Celine, her eyes glued to the sun setting in the distance as the ocean turns into a warm pink, admiring the horizon too, I hear steps behind me and when I turn the woman is walking to the railings on my left, she is getting way too close to the end of the floor "Watch your step" That escapes me in a reflex. She turns her eyes at me and then at my feet.

"I´m not the one who should watch my step" I look down and indeed, I am way too close to the railings, I take some careful steps back and Celinne continues "Where are we?" She begins to look around her for any clue. "On the top of the Empire State Building." Aida calmly says.

“Wait WHAT?!” Celinne finally reacts, she grabs her head as she starts a ramble “How is it even POSSIBLE?! One second ago we were in the kitchen!” Then my brain poorly processes again WHAT IN THE BLOODY HELL!? She is right! How did we ended up in THE TOP of the Empire State Building?! I turn to look behind me to see that the purple thing is no longer there, replaced by the rest of the city covered in an sky blue hue where the sun rays can’t reach.

I grabbed at my hair that the wind tickled in my face with my right hand, and pushed it backwards, even if the wind ruffled it again. “How..?”

Millions of questions flood into my mind deep in thought ‘How did that purple thing bringed us here?’ ‘Can it take us anywhere we want?’ ‘Do portals REALLY exist?!’ Aren’t they a thing from magical books and fantastical novels? As I’m staring at the horizon I can’t help but feeling eyes staring at me. From my left.

I blink twice before slowly turning my head in direction of the woman, and indeed, she is staring directly at me, at my face, but I can’t describe her expression, surely she doesn’t look mad, the usual aloof look in the face replaced by something else, something that I can’t put my finger on it, instead I decide to focus on other things about her, like some strands of her hair flowing on her face, her hat is resting firm on her left hand preventing the wind from blowing it away, when I realize that she is still looking at me I break the silence “Is ev-“ “I don’t understand” I turn me head at Celinne who is wearing a troubled expression.

“Why on earth is the police looking for you? You and the doctor have shown us nothing but kindess! that you are normal citizen people! You have treated us right, and put your trust on us with something spectacular such as this!” Celinne moves her arms as if showing us the horizon. “This information could be a revolution and an eye-opening truth that could change the whole world!” Then she remained quiet for a couple of seconds reflecting on what she is just about to say.

“You are not a criminals… are you?”

And then the sky darkened, the sun rays dying behind the horizon as it’s warmth that was in our faces abandon us, as along with her eyes, her expression turning one of a cold as ice. She turned her head at the now dark horizon, the hand that is holding her hat was now clenching the fabric of it, the wind became stronger as it flew her coat around her legs.

“The doctor is not a criminal” she piercily says without turning to look at us in the eye. “He just chose the wrong ally” And with that no more words came from her.

We remain quiet as New York City welcomes the night, in some buildings the lights are becoming more and more noticeable, the sound of car horns and police sirens can still be heard even with all of this difference of height, but can only hear very faintly. However we do not take our time to appreciate this, as we stay deep in thought, replaying her words on our heads.

After a while when the cold is starting to creep up on our skin Aida talks once again after a while. “We should head back”

We nod in silence as she takes out the pocket watch again and repeats the process, once the portal is big enough that we can pass, Celinne crosses it first, no longer afraid of it, then I close my eyes to walk into the portal, and when I feel the sensation of water on my body, I open my eyes to see myself on the kitchen again, but with the lights on.

The doctor is singing a tune while he washes some dishes and flashes us an expectant smile.

“How did it went?” He cheerfully asked, I turn to the portal again waiting for Aida to return, but suddenly the spiral becomes smaller and the color fades before dissappearing completely.