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specialgradefckr · 18 days ago

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Beat Your Heart to Death

tw: explicit content, extremely toxic dynamics. gojo/geto, gojo/reader, geto/reader, and yes, stsg/reader. female!reader. mutual pining, requited unrequited feelings, the yearning, good god, the YEARNING. relatively unwilling voyeurism. EXTREMELY manipulative dynamics – boundary pushing, gaslighting, etc.

satoru and suguru are completely fucking deranged. their brains are operating on a level where human consciousness and emotion just hits different. they say INSANE shit at the end of this fic. you have been warned.

This must be what dying feels like.

You watch them, together. Leaning against one another, sleeping, vulnerable. Curled up in each other's embrace.

This must be what dying feels like. Seeing the man you love and the man you lust for, so painfully, peacefully, blissfully in love with each other.

If this is dying, you're surely going to hell for thinking something so awful about a feeling so beautiful.

It’s the sort of thing you think to yourself, bury deep – deep – inside the recesses of your mind. Dredging it out in the late hours of the night when you can’t sleep. Wallowing in your unrequited love, feeling sorry for yourself, while also comforting yourself with the thought that at least now you didn’t have to do anything.

You would never have to approach your longtime crush, Suguru Geto, and potentially ruin your friendship with him. It was something you’d struggled with for years, and after Gojo showed up – you didn’t have to struggle anymore. It was already lost.

And the insane twists your fantasies would play out for you, in those lonely nights in bed – you could be free of those, too. You could completely dismiss the insane idea of propositioning the man-whore menace of a human being who made your heart race, Satoru Gojo.

Satoru and Suguru loved each other, and it would be wrong to get in the way of that. At this point, even saying anything to either of them would be a trespass on your friendship, with both of them.

That was all there was to it. Nothing more to be done. You were mourning your feelings. Strangling your dreamy sighs at Suguru’s kind gestures, stomping the flutter in your chest when you caught Satoru smiling. Killing your heart and leaving it to rot, stepping around it like it’s not there.

Unfortunately, you couldn’t escape the fact that all three of you lived together.

It doesn’t help that Satoru is just as prone to PDA with Suguru as he was with all his numerous hookups. More, even, because he doesn’t keep it to just his bedroom, doesn’t make the token efforts to stay quiet at night and shoo them out in the morning.

You do your best. Look away. Try to ignore how your heart jumps, twists, does all sorts of funny things at the sight of them kissing.

Satoru’s pretty white lashes flutter closed, Suguru’s warm gaze softens, cheeks flushed as Satoru’s hands jump up to cling to him. He cups Satoru’s face like it’s a treasure, tilting his head and leaning into the kiss like he can’t get enough of it –

You’re staring, fuck. You’re looking too closely. The scene burns itself into your eyes and you want to rip them out, never see it again. But you struggle to avert your gaze, greedy mind committing every detail to memory with a racing heart, dry mouth.

Thirsty, you’re so thirsty, in every sense of the word. They lean into each other, so in sync and so affectionate in a way that tugs on your every heart string. Fuck!

You start to just leave the room when it happens. You’d rather die than get caught staring, you’d rather go without water than thirst for droplets.

And you’d really, really, rather cut your fucking eyes out than face the feelings the sight awakens in you. Longing, yearning, how you want to tear them both off each other at once, how you want to see more, more, more, you want to touch, you want to taste –

God, fuck. You’re like one of those shitty girls who fetishizes male relationships. Aren’t you? You feel like this might be that. But you’re attracted to both of them individually, so it can’t be that, right? You’re not a creep, you’re just greedy. You leave the room when they kiss! You’re respecting their privacy!

They notice, though, is the thing. Not your staring (god you fucking hope they’ve never noticed the staring) but how you leave the room when they get affectionate with each other. It’s Suguru who pulls you aside to ask.

“…and listen, I know you’re not like that, I totally know, so does Satoru. It just… makes him feel a little weird, you know? He was raised by a traditional family, so they either think this is a phase, or call him disgusting to his face.”

Fuck your life. Actually fuck your ENTIRE life. “Of course not – I never – ”

“No no no, I know, I told you, he does too, it’s just – it’s a little disconcerting for him. But I can talk to him, make him understand. This is your house, too, you have the right not to see that sort of stuff.”

That just makes you feel a bit worse, actually. Satoru and Suguru shouldn’t have to hide away in their room whenever they want to kiss. It’s their own home.

“I’m sorry, Suguru, I – I don’t have any problem with you guys doing it around the house. I just…” You shift uncomfortably. “I’m not super comfortable with… PDA sort of stuff. It has nothing to do with you both being guys.”

Suguru nods, “No, I understand completely. Satoru will be disappointed, but you’re setting boundaries, and I respect that – ”

“It’s not that,” You say, “I – you can do whatever you like, really, I’ll just leave – ”

“No,” Suguru interrupts with a sigh, “That’s what’s bothering him. I think deep down he’s a little worried that you find it… disturbing.”

Your chest tightens with anxiety as you rush to reassure him, “Of course I don’t!”

“No, I know, I know, we both do,” Suguru says in that warm, comforting voice of his, “It’s just how he feels – you know he can’t control that.”

And then your stupid mouth rushes ahead of you. Writes a check your heart can’t afford to cash.

“It’s fine! You don’t have to stop, I. Just… tell him I felt like I was intruding. I didn’t think he saw it as me being disgusted.”

And your heart will pay willingly, because Suguru gives you that smile. Warm and affectionate. The smile you’d fallen in love with.

“You’re not intruding at all. I’ll tell him you said so, it’ll be a great weight off his mind.”

So now the love of your life makes out with his boyfriend and you can’t even leave the room. Hahah. God. Maybe you should start thinking of a way to move out?

Problem: When Satoru moved in, he’d basically started paying all the bills. He didn’t have to worry about being cut off from the family money – even at his young age, he had his own financial success. Even if it started out with a few trust funds and an appointed position at one of his parent’s companies.

Every rent listing looked expensive when your current rate was “free”. And fuck, rent was expensive. You’d have to deal with other roommates, people you didn’t know (and love) as long as Suguru (and Satoru, at this point, you’d known him for years), and you’d be paying for the privilege.

You try, oh, do you ever try to get over it. Sexuality is fluid, after all, so it’s perfectly possible that Satoru and Suguru just ended up being gay. Being with either of them may never have been an option, except maybe as one of Satoru’s flings.

And wouldn’t that just suck? To have one night with Satoru only to watch him realize he’s gay and mutually in love with your longtime crush? Better to never sleep with him at all. You can’t miss something you’ve never had. And you wouldn’t want to be a fling anyways.

The thought stings more than it should, because deep down –

(You’d take it. You know you’d take it. That’s why you’re still here, really, under all the excuses. You’re fucking pathetic, pining for both of them. You’d take anything you could get.)

It doesn’t help that they get freer with their affections after your talk with Suguru. Looser. So unrestrained. You walk in on them fucking in the living room, having come back early from class, face burning up as you stand there stock still for a moment.

They don’t stop, or freak out, or cover themselves or anything. You see Suguru’s naked chest above the couch, Satoru’s hands pinned over the armrest of it, their bare legs and feet entwined and sticking over the other side of the couch. They’re both so fucking tall.

So beautiful. Satoru moans so pretty, and you hear Suguru purr, low and filthy, “Like that, you little whore?” and you feel yourself clenching all the way to your core.

You make a wild dash across the living room, staying on the other side of the couch so they can’t see you. Closing the door to your bedroom as quickly and quietly as you can, panting to yourself, feeling the heat rising on your face and the warm pulse between your legs.

(Pathetic, fucking pathetic. It’s like you’re actually some horny teenage boy with a crush on a pretty girl out of his league, rubbing one out every time you see her with her equally hot girlfriend.)

You’ve got to get ahold of yourself.

Your routine has changed, with the both of them being together, so openly. There were little things you’d shared, now gone, lost to the unfathomable whirlpool that was their relationship.

Used to be you’d buy sweets on grocery trips to share with Satoru. It was an old habit of yours, and when he’d first moved in, he’d caught you with them. Reaching for some with a grin before you smacked him away.

The look he gave you, a slow smirk before he went all wide-eyed and pleading, staggering to his knees like a proper starving drama queen – god, he had to know how he’d made your heart flutter. He probably pulled that on so many people.

Still, he would eat the candies right out of your hand, lips just teasing on your fingertips, eyes lingering on you while he licked his lips. It made you feel weird, at first, but you eventually realized that Satoru was just a weird guy.

He’d yawn and stretch and if he caught you or Suguru watching he’d flash his whole chest, like a girl flashing her tits. He slept naked and left the bathroom door open when he was using it, and he’d often knock when on your bathroom when you were in there, even if he had his own.

He had about ten different game consoles and games for them, plus a huge collection of movies, which he likes to watch with the room completely dark. He sleeps with a nightlight on, and his social media picture is an ugly picture of him from high school with these weird round sunglasses.

Not at all what you expected from a pretty boy like him. But Satoru’s eccentric charm, and the unstoppable allure of his perfect face and body, it rewired your brain somehow. You feel like you’ve wanted him for as long as you’ve known him.

You try to find other people. But the problem with living with Satoru and Suguru is that no one is up to your standards. You’ll never meet anyone as handsome or beautiful as either of them, so why bother?

In your defense, Suguru is hard to fall out of love with.

It’s not uncommon to wake up to the sound of your favorite breakfast being cooked while Suguru hums away in the kitchen, his pretty hair all tied back. If you sneak in quietly enough you can catch a tender smile on his face, the smell of freshly ground and brewed coffee he makes for Satoru in some expensive machine.

If you are unlucky, he’ll catch you, and that smile will grow as soon as his eyes are on you and you’ll fall in love all over again. If you’re lucky, you can sneak back away, but Suguru will eventually come and wake you up with a knock so gentle you suspect he already knows you’re up.

He shares his hair care routine, and it leaves your hair shiny and lovely. But your hair isn’t exactly like his, so he must have adjusted it.

He offers to help you brush or style it, himself, and asks you if you wouldn’t mind repaying the favor. Like you wouldn’t kill or die for the honor of running your hands through his silken locks.

Suguru is the type of guy who remembers when you get your period and asks if you need anything for it. You magically find your favorite fruits in the fridge, cut up, dipped in chocolate or caramel or yoghurt, however you like them best.

He does your laundry without being asked because he says it’s easier, and cleans dishes before you can get to them.

Every birthday he throws you a party, bakes a cake and he’ll spend hours to perfect a meal from scratch to go along with it. He’s perfect at finding a thoughtful present – Satoru just gives you cash, or some expensive luxury purchase you find fashionable but would never buy for yourself (Suguru definitely went shopping with him).

You get why Satoru likes him. Satoru’s sort of a slob, always leaving clothes on the floor – walking around shirtless like he knows exactly what it does to anyone watching “Just providing a public service, babe~” – and Suguru is so perfectly domestic.

Almost motherly. Whenever you misplace something, the fastest way to find it is invariably to ask Suguru, if he doesn’t approach you first with a concerned smile after watching you look.

After enough times catching Suguru sternly chide him for not putting away his clothes, leaving wrappers on the table, forgetting to put his shoes away; you’re relatively sure Satoru’s called him mom or mommy at some point. Possibly during sex.

And god, you get it. Those gentle tones of “Is everything all right?”, and “I tweaked the recipe, how do you like it?” and “I’m just really happy you enjoyed it.”, it’s enough to make your heart ache.

How, exactly, are you supposed to fall out of love with Suguru Geto?

How are you supposed to leave, how are you supposed to want to, especially when you swear you hear him call himself Daddy, and you find your face getting hotter than it should be.

Whispering to Satoru how “I’ve got you, baby,” and “Let Daddy take care of you, mhhm?”

And god, the high-pitched whimpers Satoru makes in response. He’s a tall guy, mewling, melting beneath Suguru’s hands, his words, his cock – and you could so easily imagine yourself in his place –

How are you supposed to be platonic about this?

How are you supposed to stop touching yourself when they’re practically putting on personalized porn shows for you?

It's after the third time that you start to think they're doing this on purpose.

Whatever’s between them is something you just couldn’t understand. You get that, you do.

The way they look into each other’s eyes – there’s no way Suguru has ever looked at you like that, no way Satoru would ever want you that badly.

It’s something magnetic that makes them slot together at all times, draws their gazes to one another, leaves no room for anyone else –

But you stumble on them… a lot.

Never mind making out on the couch. You turn into the laundry room to see Satoru backed against the washer machine, his cock so far Suguru’s throat you can see it bulge.

His face is flushed, eyes teary, one hand loosely in Suguru’s hair while he whimpers. Dark eyes gazing up at him, fierce, Adam’s apple bobbing and another noise escaping him.

Or Satoru’s sitting rather innocently in Suguru’s lap, at a certain angle, but the sounds he’s making are less than innocent. Vile, even. Suguru’s broad hand wrapped around Satoru’s cock, pumping up and down, Satoru’s body shifting as you can tell he’s grinding down against something below.

And sometimes it’s really just the noises. You’ve heard them so often now it feels like you can put expressions to every moan and grunt and whimper and whine. Satoru makes a certain sort of gasp and your imagination jumps to think of how deep Suguru must be inside him, how his face must

They come back sometimes, from parties, drunk together. Leaning on one another like they could never lean on you – you’re not tall, not built like either of them are. Cheeks flushed as they whisper words into one another’s ears, Satoru giggling, kissing his cheek, Suguru laughing and squeezing his waist as they stumble into their room.

Like they’re in their own little world that you could never intrude on. You just catch glimpses every now and then. They don’t even look at you, it’s like you’re not even there – their eyes are locked on one another.

But that isn’t the worst of it.

Satoru and Suguru start bringing other people in.

No - they start bringing other girls into it. Like it's a punishment for catching them, only, you're fairly certain they wanted to be caught.

Satoru’s never been shy when he had a girl over, about walking around shirtless – maybe it’s an exhibitionism thing. And you’re someone they know well, someone tolerant (pathetic) enough to not say anything.

Either that or they’re both just that good at pretending you aren’t there. But they talk to you, all the time. You eat meals together, have movie nights (if you ignore how Satoru will not-so-discreetly put his hand on the inside of Suguru’s thigh while you’re all sitting together), grocery shop together, smile and laugh and share things about your day.

It’s just that they’re also dating each other. And in love, so in love, it’s painfully obvious that there’s no room for anyone else between them. Which makes the girls they bring over turn your stomach even more.

Sure, they’re one night stands. But they don’t even try to keep it quiet. You hear unfamiliar, high-pitched moans and whimpers, a wet smacking sound that has to be Satoru overdramatically eating pussy.

You wonder what his face looks like. What his eyes look like. Is he staring up at her when she does it? Does she have a hand in the feather-down softness of his hair? Or maybe Suguru’s hand, shoving him forward, that sly smirk that creeps over his lips when you’ve seen his eyes grow dark with want.

Is she whimpering because she’s close? Do they tease her, edging her, enjoying the expressions on her face, the way her body trembles? When she begs, is it for them to stop, or keep going? Whose dick is it inside her? Satoru’s, Suguru’s? What does it feel like? Satoru’s stupid enough to do it without a condom but Suguru isn’t.

What are they doing when she cums? You hear Suguru groan (you know how his groans sound, you know how both of them sound), so he must be cumming too. What’s Satoru doing? He’s too needy to be left alone for long.

Is he watching while he jerks himself? Has Suguru forced him to sit back? Or maybe he’s down where the action is, right where Suguru’s cock is buried inside her, laving over her clit and his cock like the slut he is until they both cum all over his face.

Why can’t that be you? Why don’t they want you?

Your fists clench harder than they should be One night you stumble onto them in the middle of the living room, all at it in plain view.

Satoru is in Suguru’s lap, tall enough to tower over him. Suguru’s hand wrapped around his throat, choking him, head tilted back in bliss as his lashes flutter. There’s a woman on her knees, between their spread legs, sucking Satoru off.

And you can tell, by the way Satoru shudders, how he’s loose like putty in Suguru’s arms, that Suguru’s dick is buried deep inside him.

Satoru and Suguru don’t even try to pretend it was an accident. Some fucking roommates they are.

Suguru will smile and blush when you ask him about it, apologizing in soothing, kind tones, offering to never bring another girl home again if it bothered you – you’ve been through the goddamn song and dance so many times already.

He has this way of just. Making you feel guilty for even asking in the first place. Like you were presumptuous to say anything at all, unless it was something he wanted to hear.

It’s turned you into this. So eager to please but desperate to keep them at arm’s length. Wanting, longing, and starving for it. Watching because you quite literally can’t do anything else, sights burned into your eyes. Unable to look away. Unable to keep watching.

You don't know what they want from you.

You don’t think you want to, anymore.

Satoru and Suguru are getting impatient.

No, Suguru is getting impatient. Satoru is getting desperate. It was his idea to start going out and finding girls to bring back and fuck.

It wasn’t particularly difficult between the two of them. And promising, at first – after all, what was more likely to get you to snap than watching – hearing – the two of them give some other girl everything you’ve ever wanted on a silver platter?

But you just keep going. Gritting your teeth and bearing with it. Suguru spent a whole week dislodging your vibrator slightly from its charging port, slowly squeezing your lube bottle empty, doing everything he could to drive you to the brink.

Satoru’s starting to remark how much it’s a waste of time. He gets snippy when he’s needy, and lately, Suguru’s cock just isn’t enough for him. He has to go through your laundry, plant a camera in your bedroom on one of those few nights they stay out late enough to give you some private time.

Satoru makes him wear your clothes when Suguru fucks him, lets Suguru gag him with your panties when it’s the other way around.

They play dress-up together and watch you touch yourself at awkward angles with muddied sound quality. It’s not enough, not nearly enough.

Privately, Suguru is a little worried. Satoru’s getting weird – not that he hasn’t always been. But weirder.

He goes right into the bathroom after every time you use it. He’s always quick to reach your drinks for a “taste test” after you’ve had a sip. And Suguru knows for a fact Satoru isn’t using his own toothbrush at night.

He keeps talking about you. Looking at you. Whispering dirty suggestions in his ears, asking impatiently if you look like you’re going to snap.

Satoru is needy like that, demanding, and you’d always balanced him out while helping Suguru relax.

But there’s a distance now that wasn’t there before. The tension builds and builds, needs unmet for so long that desperation is clawing at both of them.

And that’s to say nothing of his own desires. Satoru, for all his faults, still has self-control.

Suguru passes your door every night and stops for a moment. He serves you dinner with a smile, domestic as he is, and thinks how easy it would be to slip something in there. To make sure you’d sleep through the night.

Would it even matter if you didn’t? You let him get away with so much. You love him, you must love him, don’t you? There’s no other reason you would put up with all of this. If he did slip, you’d forgive him, wouldn’t you? You’d drink up all his honeyed words with the same smile you always gave him.

But if he gave you such a convenient excuse, then he would always doubt. Whether you really loved him or if he just made it convenient to love him.

More importantly, you’re looking at them different. It was good, at first; your pretty eyes darting in a different direction, the way you try to hide your face, keep your words especially cool.

They want you to TAKE what you want. Want you yelling and screaming and scratching them up like the hellcat they know you are, deep down.

“How long,” He whines between groans as Geto works between his legs, fingering him as he sucks his cock, “Is she gonna make us wait – fuck!”

Suguru pulls away with a pop. Saliva and precum dripping from his lips. Satoru pulls him in for a kiss, by the hair.

“You know she’s liked me a while,” Suguru murmurs, swallowing a moan or two as he works another finger into his hole. “She’s scared of pushing me away. And now that you’re my boyfriend, she probably wouldn’t want to break us up.”

“Fuck, but imagine if she did.” Satoru bucks into him, “She wants us, I know she does.”

He’s always so needy, like a puppy. Suguru likes it, but he can admit that he wants you, too. Misses the energy you’d provide. You’re not demanding like Satoru is. Too prideful. Satoru’s shameless. But you want, oh, do you ever want, and they both do know it.

Once he’s stretched Satoru out enough, he wastes no time shoving him onto his belly, burying himself in his hole from behind – “Fuck! Suguru!”

“On it right now,” He purrs, close to Satoru’s back, reaching lazily for his cock.

Satoru doesn’t like to cum too soon anyways. He likes to cum from getting fucked, to be edged into oblivion – or he likes going hard and fast and overstimulated to no end. Not much in between, unless he was the one in charge.

“Imagine it,” He pants like a dog beneath him. He’s pretty, so pretty, and the only thing Suguru could imagine that would be better is to see your face looking up at him from underneath Satoru, “Suguru!”

He grunts, thrusting his hips harder, “Imagining. What am I imagining?” God, Satoru’s a slut and a nuisance, but it’s always been worth it to indulge him.

“Her,” Satoru breathes after a particularly hard thrust, “Trying to break us up.”

Suguru grabs his hips for better leverage. Satoru dirty talks best when he’s getting fucked hard, after all.

“Fuck, imagine if she got me drunk or something, hngh, finally followed through on those fuck-me eyes she’s always giving me, ghhgh, fuck yes like that, and. Just fucked me in our room, waiting for you to walk in on us together.”

And he can see it, picture it so well.

A drunk night with the most beautiful man alive, because that’s what Satoru is; pretty even now, beneath him, all sweat and lean body trembling as he gets utterly railed.

You’ve always had the attraction, and Satoru couldn’t handle his liquor, and all the sudden, you’d slept together.

“Would you – ah, ahHhh, would you get mad, Suguru?” His voice is teasing now, even through the groans and utterances, “Would you cry~?”

“Ha!” He half-chokes out the laugh, because Satoru clenches around him and it’s hard not to cum right away. He’s going to leave bruises from how hard he’s holding those narrow, lovely hips.

“No," Suguru grinds out, "But I’m sure you both would. She’s the type, and you’re so fucking – gah, so fucking needy. What would you want me to do? Forgive you?”

His pace slows down, and he reaches to squeeze his cock in return, just for a taste.

“Nah – fuck! Yes, keep doing that, fuck.” Satoru bucks into his touch, always, always chasing after him, “She’s too fucking nice all the time. If she did it, it would be – hnng – like. A revenge thing. She should be fucking mad already, pissed off. She should make me cum inside her, say she’s pregnant. Make me dump you and marry her, so if she can’t have you, nobody can.”

Suguru barks out a laugh at the concept, and then a moan, choked off as he feels the heat shooting through him at the idea.

You’re too nice, like Satoru says, it’s a laughable concept, you acting like this –

But what had he seen in your eyes that day after you caught them both with that girl?

“Fuck, I swear I feel you twitching inside me – ”

“What would you do, then?” Suguru purrs hotly into his ear, “You want to win her heart while you’re married?”

“Well, we’d fuck all the time,” Satoru wheezes out a giggle, trembling as Suguru’s hand slides along his cock, “Fuck you – haaaahhh. But I’d be making nice with her, being a good husband, and then you could come and have an affair – ”

Fuck, fuck, that’s too much, “Close,” He grunts, driving himself deep and hard, chasing the edge, “Fuck, I could tell her I love her, blackmail her, even – threaten to tell you.”

A groan as Satoru gets closer, and Suguru continues, “I could fuck her, leave her coming home to you full of my cum – ”

“I’d eat it out of her,” Satoru laughs, near deranged as he jerks between fucking back into Suguru and rutting into his hand, “Jerk me off already – ah, fuck, what if you got her pregnant – ”

White-hot, like the idea of your face beneath him, both of them, accepting them with an open heart full of rage and bitterness and lust, Suguru cums.

He’s just aware enough to fist Satoru’s cock, sliding harshly along it until he hears the lovely whore beneath him gasping, twitching, spilling in his hand.

“Fuck, fuck, fuuuuuck,” Satoru whimpers. “Hnghh… god, just the idea of her coming home from the hospital with a black-haired baby.”

“Fuck you,” Suguru barks, because now he wants to cum inside you. He wants, so, so fucking bad to cum inside you.

But god, do you even want them?

You sit there, all day, looking away, running away. That’s not love, is it?

And he’s a romantic, at heart. Satoru is, too. They don’t want anything less than your whole heart. Your entire life, your mind, body, and soul, dedicated to them the way they are to each other. Mad with jealousy and rage and possession.

Satoru had left him with bruises, the day he found out Suguru was crushing on you. When Suguru told him, in no uncertain terms, that he’s been wanted you for over a decade now and he wasn’t leaving before he got you. Blue fury in his eyes, heart twisting in his chest.

He’d looked him in the eye, grin wild and wide. Staring down as he has him pinned. Suguru had raised his knee up between his legs to find his cock desperately hard and throbbing.

“I want to fuck her first,” had been his wicked demand. Pain and pleasure traded like currency in return for love, each of them furious at the other for wanting you. They reaped the cost of their love on each other, settled their scores deep in their souls.

Because even if Suguru had seen you first, could he really say he’d wanted you first? Did he really want to fuck you before Satoru moved in, before he saw you flustered from your attraction and playfully trading banter with Satoru?

Had he wanted Satoru because you wanted Satoru? Had Satoru wanted him because he could see that you did?

Lines cross and uncross between you and the two of them, too tangled to ever unravel.

Time to tighten the knot.

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xclowniex · 4 months ago

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Does this mean that I am immune from being racist now because I've ticked the majority of ethnic groups off the to do list?

motherfucker really said...............

i've fucked jews so how can i be antisemitic

#im joking in case i didnt convey it #having sex with people of an ethnicity doesnt make you any less racist #this one dude i saw casually for a bit literally told me that i was a “breath of fresh air” because i didnt fetishize him being black #and treated him like i would any other human being #which i found surprising and i thought the majority of people would be normal about black folk and just poc in general but #i learnt that night that the majority of people arent normal about black people or poc in general here in NZ #antisemitism #fetishization #tokenism #tokenization

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demilypyro · 1 month ago

Note

I really love watching the clips of you with the other people who show up on your streams. Partly because everyone who pops in to your streams seem really cool, and partly because you are just so entertaining. You really work well with your friends.

Cool people who show up in my streams:

River aka @sleepyteamage, nonbinary tea expert, the sensible one

AJ aka @inkie-heart, super cute artist, squid enjoyer

Molly aka @mollyjames, very talented webcomic artist, fetish connoisseur

Sophia aka @sophibeans, token blonde, the smart one

Deme aka @demegods, certified dingus, my sworn brother

And some others but idk if they'd be ok with me linking their accounts!!!!!!

They are all my besties!!!

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olderthannetfic · 2 months ago

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I'm forever intrigued by people who get mad any time Nick Fury is written as a bottom. They always say it's racist, then go dead silent when I say, "I'm black and gay. Is it racist for me to bottom? I have to top, no matter what I actually WANT to do? There's a racially mandated position for me?" They're always so confident prior. There's always capslock and accusations of fetishization and depending on the situation either calling someone a fujoshi or a gooner. Then I ask the very natural question. If it's bad for a black man to bottom, does that make me bad if I want to? And suddenly it gets quiet. Suddenly they're not confident in yelling at strangers online.

I'm fucking TIRED of every black guy having to be a top. Because that's what this boils down to. It's never about canon personalities or anything like that. You're black, you're getting written with a big black cock and you're topping. Period. It's boring. It's unengaging. It's vaguely dehumanizing. And I am no longer going to be nice about this. If I have to make people uncomfortable to get them to think about this, I WILL.

Some part of me wonders if these people actually mean well. They claim they do. They claim to be fighting black fetishization. But if we can only ever be one thing and fill one purpose, is that fighting anything? Or is that just "don't like a thing I don't like"? Because in the end they're asking people to write a whole race the same way. And that doesn't seem very woke or social justice-y to me.

But even if they DID mean well: if your idea of equality means a race can only do one thing, maybe you might wanna rethink that. Look up what equality means. Because this ain't it.

A thing I do with people I know in real life is, "would you be comfortable with someone saying this about your race?" I think people, especially alleged allies, need to do that here. Would you be comfortable with someone saying white people always top? Would that not feel a bit reductive to you?

I... what...? Both versions of this are stupid, for obvious reasons, but I'd have expected yelling about him exclusively topping, to be honest. I've seen the equivalent in quite a few fandoms.

Given fandom's penchant for having the character with more narrative focus and interiority bottom, I'd think, on average, it would be positive to see a black character bottoming. But, really, like you say, can we make black characters the unmarked default who can do whatever instead of Very Special Tokens?

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ladyveronikawrites · 13 days ago

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SHOW ME WHERE THE DELICATE STOPS

Bridge Part Three

Pairing: all of bad omens x female reader

cw: fivesome, orgy of sorts, vaginal fingering, vaginal fisting, cum eating, boot licking, boot fetish, oral (m and f receiving), hand jobs, voyeurism, male masturbation, squirting, use of blindfolds, hands as handcuffs, orgasm denial, tones of d/s dynamic, aftercare, overstimulation, swearing, dacryphilia; there's a lot so if I missed any please let me know!

18+ content below👑

title comes from 'Jaws' by Sleep Token 💜 divider by @saradika-graphics

You find yourself blindfolded and straddling Nick Folio’s lap. You know it’s him because of his smell and well–

Your mind flashes back to hours before.

“Last call!” you hear Nick shout over your shoulder. You look down at your smartwatch to find it is well before 2 am. You hear some grumbling from the regulars but soon enough they all close out their tabs. One of them gives you a stink and all you give them is “Sorry, boss’s orders” and a shrug. Two women are bickering in the corner but you pay no mind. You don’t know why he is shutting down the bar early. It’s very strange for him on his first day off from the tour, usually, this place would be packed.

It had been a year since you and Nick took joint ownership of the bar. You still hold bootblacking every Tuesday night and his motorcycle club meeting on Friday Nights. It took a few months to get all of the rustic furniture in; not to mention the antique bike parts and instruments refurbished as decor sprinkled about the bar. Only when you got the stamp of approval from Nick for the design for the “Third Base” sign out front did it all come to fruition.

The old jukebox remained, but everything else had been updated. The brick wall behind the bar showcased a wall-mounted motorcycle, which Nick’s father had passed down to him. Due to the success of the band, he was never able to fix it up enough to ride it, but he was able to shine it up and put it out on display. The day the bar opened, his father nearly wept. He was so proud of Nick and he was also proud of you; saying how glad that he was that you were a part of Nick’s life.

During the day, you two make a great team as business partners, and at night you host play parties upstairs. And when Nick had a break from touring, he would throw huge parties to celebrate.

Tonight seems to be different. When you breathe in Nick’s scent you can feel the air shift making the hair on the back of your neck stand up straight. You can hear footsteps thudding against the concrete floor and the smell of leather, gasoline, and cigarette smoke swirls in your lungs. It was familiar– but with your lack of sight, it took you a moment to place it. The motorcycle club. There weren’t nearly enough footsteps to be the whole gang, so most likely Folio’s elite along with the rest of the band; despite not being official members, in Nick’s eyes they were, and as president that was good enough for him.

“Wha-” A finger pressed against your lips silences you. Nick leans forward, his hot breath against the shell of your ear sending a shiver up your spine. “Honoring a wish,” his tone is deep and husky. “You’ve been working so hard while I was away…” He plants a searing kiss on your temple before nipping at your earlobe. “You’ve earned it.”

Your mind begins to reel trying to understand his cryptic message. What wish? What does he mean? When you adjust yourself for support by placing your hands on his chest; it’s then when it all connects. His erection rubs against you and you suck in a breath. He huffs a laugh, pulling you closer to him.

“Remember what you told me before I left for tour? That drunken text you sent?” He litters kisses on your cheeks between words making your brain fuzzy. He nips at your earlobe before whispering the word in your ear. Instantly your pussy throbs at the thought of him fulfilling one of your fantasies.

“Really? I-It’s not too weird or awkward?” You start to babble your mind racing. “You don’t—” Nick silences you with his lips. You welcomed the taste of him; whiskey, and the remnants of his cigar. It was familiar and comforting like relaxing by the fireplace on a cold wintery day.

You hear boots shuffling closer, body heat and cologne from another flooding your senses. Suddenly, you yelp in pain when a hand fists your strands tilting your head back. Digging your nails into Nick’s sides for stability, he groans and then gasps, wet sounds and smacking lips filter into your ears. The sound alone heats your core.

“Fuck Jolls,” Nick curses breathlessly, and the other huffs a laugh in response. You find yourself a little jealous that Jolly tore you away from Nick’s perfect lips.

“Awh Nick, someone's jealous,” Jolly taunts above you.

“Good,” Nick teases, caressing your chin. “We have a long night ahead of–” You hear the door slamming shut and hushed whispers.

“I’ll be right back,” Nick bites out, his tone cold and sharp as a knife. Nick lifts you off of his lap only for Jolly to wrap his arms around your middle caging you in.

“Just you and me for a little while,” Jolly whispers into your ear. “What do you think about that, hm?”

Your heartbeat skyrockets at his proposal— with your eyes still covered, your mind immediately flashes vivid images of his hands around your throat and his rings pressed against your bare flesh– a long-time fantasy of yours.

“Yes…please,” you whine desperate for any touch since Nick left. Without another word, a large hand adorned with silver rings envelopes your hand and drags you outside and up the staircase to the apartment above the garage.

You’ve only been in the apartment a few times as Nick rents it out as an Airbnb which happens to do really well, especially in the summer and autumn months.

You hear the door shut behind you as Jolly leads slowly you through the apartment into the bedroom. You yelp when he pushes you onto the mattress. Suddenly he crawls onto the bed caging you in with his body. His proximity sets your body alight making your pussy throb.

“Don’t move darling, I’ll be right back.” He sucks a lovebite to your neck that has you moaning when he rolls off of you. Your body starts to tremble with anticipation. With your eyes covered, your other senses heighten. You hear every single step he makes outside of the room.

With a gasp, the door swings open again but this time you hear boots and bodies shuffle in. There’s a collective whisper between the others in the room that has your heartbeat soaring. You can’t see but you can sense whoever is in the room is staring right at you. You don’t know who else is in the room or how many there are yet just the idea of others watching you heats your body from the inside out.

“Good girl,” Jolly coos, his voice is soft with an edge of roughness. “I hope it’s ok that I brought some friends.” It was more than ok. “Pleeease,” you whimper, body writhing and hungry to be touched.

Jolly chuckles as you hear him approach the bed, “Relax sweet girl, it’s going to be a long night.” Long fingers tilt your chin to the side. Jolly plants a soft kiss on your lips.

“Some of Folio’s crew is here to watch us as it's their initiation. I know you are going to be so good for us.” He trails kisses along your jaw to the other ear. “I have two really good boys waiting to tend to you at your feet. Are you ready?”

“Yes! Yes please!” your voice is raspy and full of desperation.

Your breath hitches when you hear Nicholas and Noah say, “Thank you, mistress,” in unison. While Jolly continues to kiss you, your mind wanders to the night when Nicholas worshipped at your feet and Noah fucked your boots. A harsh pinch to your covered nipple catches you by surprise causing you to bite down on Jolly’s lip. Your body tenses with fear but instead of a reprimand, Jolly groans exploring your mouth deeper with his tongue.

“Do that again and I just might have my way with you first.”

You whine when he pulls away from you but suddenly light filters into your eyes once more now that the blindfold has been removed. At your feet, you watch as Nicholas and Noah kiss up and down your boots – one daring to nibble at the delicate skin of your thigh just at the hem of your short shorts.

“Fuck.” You shut your eyes tight as the pain intensifies with every lick and suck of Noah’s mouth on your skin. At the same time, Nicholas unzips and slides off your boots and socks. Overwhelmed by the soft and rough touches to your body you start to giggle.

“You’re a lot of trouble, you know that?” Jolly smirks. You pretend to bite at the ringed finger close to your mouth, earning you a warning glare from the Swede. “Seems like you’re ready for more, hmm?”

What would have been a ‘hell yes’ turns into a surprised yelp when the men at your feet pounce between your spread legs to unbutton your denim shorts and rip off your panties leaving you utterly exposed to everyone in the room. Jolly moves to the end of the bed as Nicholas and Noah take their place on either side of you. With every step, Jolly takes closer to your body laid bare your heartbeat pounds thump thump thump.

You sit frozen as time slows and Jolly licks his lips staring at what he can't wait to devour. Despite the warm lips and hot breath on your face, you remain entranced. Noah litters sweet pecks to your cheek as Nicholas whispers, “Get ready, doll.”

Leaning back into the pile of pillows for support, you melt into the sensations as Nicholas and Noah pepper kisses to your cheeks and neck. Jolly slowly lowers himself to your core, a satisfied hum rumbles from his throat when he swipes a finger through your silken folds.

You feel your arms being guided upwards as the guys in tandem lift your tank top up and over your head. In an instant, your bra has been unfastened and tossed unceremoniously on the floor. Trembling slightly, goosebumps cover the freshly exposed skin. Simultaneously, Nicholas and Noah entwine their fingers with yours, binding you to them. Nicholas' other free hand explores your soft supple skin, the rough callouses rub against your breast. Noah takes your chin, pulling you into a sloppy wet kiss. It's all teeth and tongue just as Jolly nips at the flesh of your inner thigh right where Noah bit earlier.

“Fuck!” You pull away to curse, glaring down at Jolly only to find his face hovering inches from your now slick folds. “...me,” you gasp when his gaze bores into you, his dark lust-drenched eyes forever etched inside your mind. Your head rolls back into the pillows screwing your eyes shut tight, giving into the sensation of Jolly’s tongue against your sensitive bud. Jolly teases your entrance with his thumb before sliding two fingers in you. He scissors his fingers in you stretching you wide. Your back arches and you bite down on your lip.

“You’re so wet, darling,” Jolly groans. “Think you can-”

“Don’t you dare hold back,” Noah commands. That’s all the permission you need to let loose the moan from the back of your throat.

“Please please please,” you start to beg as Nicholas flicks his tongue over your nipple as Noah pinches the other.

“Oh,” Jolly chuckles. “She loves that… fuck.” He thrusts his fingers slowly in and out as Nicholas and Noah alternate kissing and sucking on your tits and kissing each other. The sight of them entangled above you makes your skin heat. Noah pulls the sweetest sounds from Nicholas when he tugs on his hair.

“Goddamn,” Jolly moans sliding another finger in. You gasp at the stretch, feeling full.

“Feeling good, sweet girl?” Nicholas coos.

“Yes, yes, yes,” you moan squirming under their touch. You need more, crave more.

“Come on, baby girl you can take it.” Jolly practically growls as he slides his whole hand in.

“Fuckfuckfuck…fuuuuck.” Your curses melt into a moan as he stretches you out wide with all of his fingers. At this point your whole body is limp and your brain is full of a blissful emptiness you barely register the door opening and closing.

“Goddamn,” you hear Nick curse. You can feel his gaze bore into you, but you don’t have the strength to open your eyes to acknowledge his presence. Suddenly, a moist tongue circles your clit as Jolly’s fingers curl into a fist.

A hand moves to your lower belly and presses gently. “Holy shit, Jolls I can feel you!” Nick says astonished.

You suck in a breath as Jolly’s hand shifts inside you and Nick returns to your clit while Nicholas and Noah alternate kissing your tits and your lips. It’s all so overwhelming that your building orgasm takes you by surprise. Your fingers tighten around the hands that hold you down at the same time you bite down on whoever’s lips are on yours.

Jolly gently unravels his fist inside you to thrust his long fingers one more time as Nick sucks your clit between his lips. Nick and Jolly press down your trembling thighs as Nick drives you closer to the edge with his tongue. Without warning, the floodgates open between your legs as Jolly slides his hand out. A warm tongue instantly dives into your hole, licking and sucking your release. Your body starts to tremble from overstimulation, but the mouth on your pussy doesn’t relent.

Gasping for air, Noah pulls from your lips yet keeps your wrist pinned to the mattress. He and Nicholas kneel beside you to give your lips and tits a rest. When you open your eyes you find Noah and Nicholas above you fighting over Jolly’s slick hand. Mesmerized, you watch them lick and suck at his fingers. Their desperate moans distract you briefly until Nick pulls your attention back to him with his lips between your folds. Consumed with pleasure you barely register the whispered “good boys” as Jolly turns from the bed.

“What’s your color?” Jolly asks as he settles down on the chair in the corner of the room.

“Green,” your voice rasps from disuse.

“Boys?” Jolly asks the others.

“Green sir,” Nicholas and Noah say in unison, sitting pretty on their knees waiting for the next instruction.

“How you are feeling, honey?” Nick asks.

“Really good, but I don’t know how much longer I’ll be able to last.” You look down at Nick and your mouth pops open when you catch him lining himself up to your entrance.

“The boys beside me are getting a little restless… toooo.” Your head rolls back against the pillow and your eyes shut tight as Nick stretches you wide with his cock. Your hands reach out for anything to grip onto. Nicholas gasps and you pull your hand away so quick as if you touched fire. Nick must have noticed the brief interaction when you feel him still inside you.

Embarrassed, you battle the nerves bubbling in your belly and peer up at Nicholas. Your cheeks flame red and you wish you could curl into yourself and hide but his soft voice calms you instantly.

“It’s ok darling, you can touch me… there,” his breath catches as you wrap your fingers around his shaft. “...and I think Noah would like that too.” His suggestion fills you with a new wave of confidence. Slowly, you reach out to Noah, your fingertips grazing his semi-hard cock. Stroking him gently, he hardens instantly under your touch. You find a good rhythm quickly with the moans and whimpers that fill the room.

“You are simply divine,” Nick purrs against your silken folds. His voice rumbles deeply cutting through the soft sounds that surround you. When your eyes meet his, your brain goes blank and your gaze softens. Your arms get heavy causing you to halt your strokes and tighten your grasp.

“Look at what you do to them,” Nick casts his gaze to Nicholas and then to Noah as they fuck into your grasp.

“P-please,” Noah hiccups, sobbing faster. “More.” Without warning, he rests one hand on your shoulder and wraps the other hand over yours as he assists in stroking himself. His large hand swallows yours as he takes control of the speed, allowing him to decide how he jerks himself off. If you watch his cock slide in and out of the O shape hole you made with your hand you’ll explode.

“Nick please,” Nicholas whines as he uses your hand to stroke himself faster. “Please hurry, I-I don’t think I’ll last much longer.” With heavy lids, you catch Nicholas’ eyes shimmer, and a single tear rolls down his cheek.

“Don’t ask me,” Nick smirks. “Ask–” Before you can even get a word out, Nick folds your legs up to your chest and sinks into you moaning your name.

“C-can we…” Nicholas sniffles as more tears slide down his cheeks.

“Can we cum, mistress?” Noah asks, his voice is high-pitched and pained.

You lock eyes with Nick. His brown eyes are dark and drenched in desire. A small smirk curls the corner of his lip as he slams into you over and over again. You suck in a gasp when two of his thick fingers circle your clit. You can’t help but moan “Cum with me boys.” Your legs tremble and your arms ache from the stroking two cocks. Nearing exhaustion you sink into the mattress letting the guys use you to chase their climax.

Anticipation makes your pussy clench when Nicholas and Noah announce that they are about to cum.

“God, this is so fucking hot.” Jolly’s words are just enough to throw you over the edge and you take the boys with you. Screwing your eyes shut, your body goes taut as cum splashes over your chest and tummy. The mattress suddenly groans when Nicholas and Noah flop onto the bed beside you breathing heavily.

Blinking a few times, your eyes flutter open to the sight of Nick staring at you as he was ready to pounce. Glancing over you spot Jolly lazily stroking his still hard cock. Your mind briefly wonders how he–

Without warning a small giggle erupts from your throat when Nick licks and kisses your tummy. His fingers dig into your sides where he finds your most ticklish spot. His body is warm and slick with sweat when he settles down onto you. It’s simultaneously comforting and suffocating but when he rests his head on your breasts and looks up at you with his puppy dog eyes you can’t help but smile.

“How are you feeling?” He asks as his thrumb brushes over your cheek. As your mind stumbles over an answer you hear Jolly moan and Nicholas and Noah bickering.

“I…” You want to tell him how amazing it was. How confident and sexy it made you feel. How your heart rate skyrocketed when Jolly touched you… “Amazing,” you sigh as your eyes fluttered closed.

“Good,” he whispers before planting a kiss on your cheek. As you start to drift off to sleep you overhear Jolly offering himself to Nick.

“Later honey, let’s get our girl cleaned up first and then I’ll take good care of you.” You catch the smile in Nick’s voice and it makes your heart flutter.

Nick’s soft voice rouses you gently. “Let’s get you cleaned up and then we can order food.”

You take his hand and he leads you to the en suite bathroom where you hear the shower tap running. In no time at all, both Jolly and Nick alternate washing you and themselves and Nick did, in fact, take care of Jolly… and you… a few times… in the spacious walk-in shower.

Royal Readers

@deathblacksmoke @mysticdoodlez @sitkowski @snarkysolaris @collapsedglasshouses @shilohrosechicken

@cookiesupplier @iknownothingpeople @dominuslunae @agravemisstake @the-ancient-fae

@itsafullmoon @philomenie @th4t-em0-k1d @baddestomens @rumoured-whispers

@blackveilomens @sorrowsofsilence @collisionofyourkissmakesitsohard @tearfallpixie @nerdraging4point0

@omensbrainrot @99png @awkwardalex @fadingangelwisp @theanarchymuse95 @lobolocaamo

#ladymidnightskinktober2024 #kinktober 2024 #bad omens kinktober #bad omens fanfiction #bad omens fanfic #bad omens fic #nick folio fanfiction #nicholas ruffilo fanfiction #jolly karlsson fanfiction #noah sebastian fanfiction #nicholas ruffilo x reader #jolly karlsson x reader #nick folio x reader #noah sebastian x reader #fic: bridge #ladyveronikawrites

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crownmemes · 1 month ago

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Supernatural & Paranormal Sentences, Vol. 11

(Sentences from various sources for muses exploring the unexplained. Adjust phrasing where needed)

"There's this theory that the fabric of time and space is fluid. That it can be quantified, like water."

"God, I hate full moons."

"Science doesn't make sense until it does, and none of this will make sense at all until someone is able to figure out what all this really is."

"Only virgins can catch unicorns, isn't that right?"

"Do you ever wonder if the world's not what you think it is?"

"Well, there's something you don't see every day!"

"Is any of this making sense to you?"

"Can we go? This place is really freaking me out!"

"There are no answers to questions you can't even conceive."

"I don't like the idea of someone hearing what I'm thinking!"

"It's true. No tokens, no talismans, no fetishes - nothing. You really don't use anything!"

"You know when someone says something's impossible? I prove it's possible."

"Did you know that there is a reasonable explanation for everything if you just put your mind to it?"

"I believe a lot of things that don't make sense to people."

"I don't believe that we can withhold this extraordinary discovery from the world any longer."

"Where there's one mutant, there's probably another, and another, and another. A whole nest of them!"

"The night, I think, is darker than we can really say."

"What difference does it make? Dead is dead, isn't it?"

"There's no reason to think that there's some kind of afterlife."

"Regardless of what you may have read in the tabloids, there have never been any spacecraft recovered by our government."

"This must be what going mad feels like."

"Haven't you ever seen people without faces before?"

"If you could see the things I've seen, you wouldn't try to stop me."

"When you break all the laws of physics, do you seriously think there won't be a price?"

"Now, something about that is just downright unsettling."

"People who lie to witches have been known to have their eyes shrink up into little black raisins."

"Do not fire at the spacecraft! You may inadvertently start an interstellar war!"

"To build something like that would require tools and metal alloys that aren't exactly available at Home Depot!"

"You know nothing. Hell is only a word. The reality is much, much worse."

"Does it disturb you at all that the most logical explanation for all of this is that he's an alien?"

"Has everybody lost their mind?"

"Have you actually tested this theory?"

"Something's happening here. Something bigger and you and me, and we're the only two people who know about it."

"You're one of them, aren't you?"

"The world is not as black and white as you think."

"Just because you can't see it or understand it doesn't mean it isn't real."

#rp meme #rp memes #roleplay meme #roleplay memes #rp prompts #roleplay prompts #sentence starters #supernatural;#assorted;

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angstics · 2 years ago

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on my chemical romance's history of racism:

(edit: i wont rewrite anything since that will create discrepancies in reblogs. however, i will include these important additions: post 1 and post 2)

cultural appropriation is a neutral term that turns negative when people co-opt a culture without consideration to its people and history, or their prejudices and privileges. the rising sun japanese flag is an imperialist symbol used during japan's occupation of other countries from 1870 to 1945 (the guardian 2019). unlike other symbols of terror, the rising sun is normalized because of the japanese government's refusal to acknowledge its history. the symbol's meaning was popularized a few years ago when people from south korea protested its legality in the 2020 tokyo olympics (bbc 2020). aware or unaware of its history, americans have long appropriated the rising sun. in part because of their fascination with japanese art, in part because of orientalism -- a fixation on asian cultures that centers "exoticism".

my chemical romance has been associated with the rising sun symbol a couple of times. frank iero used to have a tattoo of it. gerard way designed frank's killjoys outfit to include it (seen in concept art and music videos). it is often used in mcr fanart.

tokenism is when something contains limited diversity to divert criticisms for the lack of it. my chemical romance has had a very white cast of characters in their music videos and stories. in the "i dont love you" music video, a main character is in black body paint. in the casting call, they specifically asked for a white man (there is 100% an online source -- please let me know if you have it). even casting a black person for this role would place him in a video that appropriated his skin color to mark his "difference" from the light-skin female character.

the female character points to the band's main problem with tokenism. if they arent casting a white woman, theyre casting a light-skin asian woman. the woman in the "i dont love you" mv is fetishized for physical traits stereotypically attributed to east asian women: big eyes, daintiness. east asian women feature most prominently aside from the band and main characters in the "welcome to the black parade" music video and photo shoot. the photoshoot is the only place where an ashy-faced black man and ambiguously tribal? brown man are seen (brought in by photographer chris anthony per the "making of the black parade" book). the director antagonist of the danger days music videos (shown in "sing") is a japanese woman. she is the only main character of color in the music videos and the killjoys: california comics. the focus of this post is on my chemical romance, but the comics are important to showcase that the reality is never "color-blind casting" or "limited roles". it's mostly white creatives (band members and directors and artists) who ignore non-white people when they cant use them, reflected as much by gerard way years later (nyt 2019).

"japan takes over the world" is a media trope that is built on the late 20th century fear of the return of imperial japan. this trope frames japanese people as unique aggressors, feeding into "yellow peril" fears of asian people "taking over" the white race. this trope is suggested all over the danger days universe, where the corporation BL/ind overthrows the US government. the appropriation of the japanese modern flag and lettering on the killjoys outfits, the primary BL/ind villain being a japanese person who only speaks japanese in videos, the official BL/ind website having a ".jp" domain and english-japanese translations. japanese people and culture only exist in this universe to decorate and threaten.

the point of this post is not to punish my chemical romance. in the decade+ since, they have made meaningful changes -- the sing it for japan project to aid japan during the 2011 earthquake-tsunami, developing diversity in gerard's comics / tv show, a mexican-american main character in the 2020 summoning video. people of color treated as real goddamn people.

however. all these faults exist in frozen time. there is no discussion attached to the work. so anyone, fan or casual, may come across it and not notice or care for these important issues. i know all this shit and i still fail to see instances of what i highlighted. it's difficult locating not only your own prejudices but those of others. those you look up to.

"my chemical romance" is the product of many people from 2001 to 2013. many of these people were male, white, american, and/or, most radically, liberal. clearly laying out what they did wrong is important. being careful with history and culture and personhood is important. prioritizing growth is important. constantly. forever.

#mcr #this has been weighing on me for a long time. i just didnt know how to say it. why i should say it if someone else already has #and well. thru writing this i figured everyone should say it to really understand it #qessay

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princessefemmelesbian · 7 months ago

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Transandrophobia truthers are so damn racist and white oh my fucking god y'all actually piss me the fuck off every time you tokenize Black and brown men for your stupid as fuck "mra but make it trans-inclusive" ideology created by a creepy guy with a corrective rape fetish(something I'll never let up on for as long as I live, btw). If I ever see another one of y'all say "Black and brown men face discrimination because they're seen as overly masculine and that's why masculinity in men is oppressed in this society" I will literally kill myself. Stop using Black and brown men as brownie points for your bullshit arguments about misandry being real when you don't have the slightest idea how racialized oppression works. White boys are so annoying and dumb istfg.

@punkeropercyjackson @punknicodiangelo @pinkpinkstarlet

#like none of the dumbasses i've seen say this shit have been poc and HEY IT'S ALMOST LIKE THERE'S A REASON FOR THAT #because actual black and brown men know that their oppression is not based around masculinity but around RACISM #because if it was about masculinity then feminine men of color wouldn't face the same oppression and would be privileged over them which #is not true #it's also worth mentioning that black and brown WOMEN also face these same issues of being seen as more aggressive/strong/violent and thus #more dangerous even more so than our male counterparts so it's not an 'anti-masculinity' issue it's a fucking racism issue #plus once again feminine women of color also face these stereotypes #when we are masculinized even while presenting as feminine that isn't anti-masculinity you dumb fucks that's just racialized misogyny #and misogynoir #it is incredibly telling that white transmascs who use this argument never even mention women of color and that's because if they did then #their entire headass argument would fall apart because it's not about MASCULINITY being oppressed it's about RACISM(which newsflash women #experience too) and masculinity being assumed of black and brown people(women included) is just another facet of the white supremacist #gender binary not any form of masculinity being 'oppressed' in this society lol #don't even get me started on how these men misuse butch lesbians in their arguments as well and act like they are man-lite ugh #sorry but as a black woman i am officially pissed off rbn #like y'all love to spout 'intersectionality' and shit maybe *throws book at them* ACTUALLY READ UP AND LEARN WHAT THE FUCK IT MEANS #stop misusing words created by black women to prove that men are an oppressed group on god you mfers are annoying #anyway the lesson learned here is that white trans men are just as insipid and racist as their cis counterparts #pos the lot of you #racism #transandrophobia is not real #op

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yekuthiel · 1 month ago

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the casual antisemitism within muslim social activist groups is so fascinating to me .. if your activism doesn’t include all minorities than your not being an activist at all — your being a hypocritical racist .

literally just saw a post on pinterest where someone was like “normalize being muslim and respecting jews” — the first comments was people saying “even after what those jews did to palestine?” or “i like the jews but not Israelis”

the op agreed with them saying “not all jews are bad!!”

no mention that hating Israelis on behalf of their government is fucking racist — nothing .

just indirect jew blaming and backhanded antisemitic ‘compliments’ (shit like saying they are the good ones) towards any jewish people they knew in their life .

to be honest i wish i could just … say directly to the faces of people like this ,,

your activism is shallow because you will give into your antisemitic bias as soon as you have a “reason” too , you tokenize and fetishize the only jews you know .

even when you are trying to appear all inclusive your true colors still show , you haven’t grown past your antisemitic biases .

in a way it makes me sad because for years i stood with the muslim community in america despite how much islamophoic propaganda was shoved down my throat from the media because of 9/11 ,, some of my first experiences in protests was advocating for freedom of religion for muslims in china who where being sent to death camps because of their faith ,, i read islamic scripture and watched hours long video essays to understand their faith more than just a surface level ,, i went out of my way to find and read books made by muslims on their view on societal issues so i could educate myself and be an ally to them the best way i could be — despite the area i live in barely having the resources to actually learn about anything other than christianity i still pushed to learn ,, yet that effort isn’t equal and it’s clear to see . it’s saddening .

#jewposting #jumblr #jewish stuff #jewish tumblr #jewish #judaism #jew #jewblr #jewish culture #antisemitism #antisemitic #muslim #muslim antisemitism

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lexcellence · 1 year ago

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When I heard Gerry Duggan get asked on Cerebro, white boy to white boy, about the unfortunate optics of announcing and then immediately murdering the least white team of X-Men in years, I knew we'd be in for some shit. Man, did he deliver - after some evasive waffling about how ORCHIS is meant to be fascist, and how the story's point is to put the collective back of mutantkind even more against the wall than it was any of the last six times something like this has happened.

And, honestly? That's fair! This year's Hellfire Gala is ultimately the first part of a larger story, and history shows it's not going to last forever — hell, does anyone remember what the status quo was immediately before HoXPoX? At least this time most of the characters have implicitly just been sucked into Mother Righteous's magical Poké Ball, rather than outright killed; if anything, that's an improvement. I was fully content to just think "hey, not for me," and get back to ignoring everything beyond Immortal and Sabertooth, secure in the knowledge that certain topics are bound to be handled poorly when almost everyone in the room is white, when Duggan said three words that stopped me in my tracks:

"Keep the faith."

See, that struck me, because for a lot of us, this entire era of comics has been about nothing but faith. I've been reading X-Men, and engaging with fans since I was eight, and I've never seen the kind of collective buy-in from other marginalized readers that I have with Krakoa. X-Twitter (or, I suppose, X-X) has been Blacker, queerer, more disabled, less homogeneous than the fandom has ever been, all of us buying in to the implicit promise that this time things would be different. Sure, the line was headed by a presumably straight white guy, but there were other voices in the room for a change, and it really felt like they were going to be listened to. We thought we'd moved past clunky metaphor, past queerbaitimg and awkward racial gaffes. Storm and Kwannon were getting to do stuff, Arakko was full of amazing characters of color, Cyclops and Wolverine were probably fucking, we were hooked, and we turned out.

It's hard to overemphasize just how wild this was to see in real time. X-Men has always been allegory, sure, but it's traditionally allegory by and for the majority. For years, the readers who might really feel that resonance, those of us who have been hated and feared for the unforgivable crime of being who we are, we were afterthoughts, tolerated at best. We got scraps, "representation" from creators who seemed to be offended by the implication that we would ever want something other than being fetishized tokens. We were, as Hickman so succinctly put it, told that we were less when we knew we were more. And then, out of nowhere, Krakoa made us inescapable.

The two biggest X-Men podcasts, X-Plain the X-Men and Cerebro, are hosted by queer people. X of Words has been rocking the Black, queer experience like no one's business, Mutant Watch has been a joy to listen to and to be on. Not just podcasts, either, in everything from criticism to fanart to cosplay, voices have been elevated that were previously silent. I mean, hell, I've gotten paid to talk about comics, that shit never would have happened four years ago.

All of that was based on faith.

Faith that we were being celebrated, for once, instead of just used. Faith that for whatever growing pains there might be, things were going to be better.

And let's not fuck around here, there were growing pains. In the first year alone we dealt with everything from blatant whitewashing, to queerbaiting — any Sunspot fan can go into detail there, assuming you can get one of us to stop crying for long enough. While that was going on, we watched Bryan Edward Hill (the only non-white writer in that initial wave) put out a book that was, let's face it, at worst aggressively mid, only to be excoriated by certain portions of the fandom, and dropped by the office, while significantly worse books managed to hold fast — er, hold on. Not to say that Fallen Angels was without sin, mind you, the book was packed with enough orientalism to make Chris Claremont blush. But, at the same time, Wolverine's first year ended with him doing what he does best: trying so hard to be Japanese that I had to check to make sure he wasn't Marvel's editor in chief.

Through all of that, we kept the faith.

Things didn't really get much better, of course. Arakko was a fascinating concept, and felt like it damn near doubled Marvel's characters of color. And yeah, the ending of X-Factor was one of the most poorly handled racist messes I've seen this side of… well, any given day on Twitter. Sure, the whitewashing has never stopped, to the point where everything from X-Corp to this week's Hellfire Gala has had to be hastily edited between previews and release. Maybe we keep dealing with stuff like butchered AAVE, even more queerbaiting, Kate Pryde's funeral, the genocide of almost all of those Arraki characters, and whatever the hell was going on with Lost in Way of X. Maybe there's a very real argument to be made that there's something insidious about three straight years of voting to determine if characters like Monet (who, by the by, has been retooled from "basically Superman" to "Black woman with anger powers") deserve the honor of being written by a white man who's stayed writing with his foot in his mouth. I mean, hey! All my white friends in the scene say he's nice, just like Williams, or Howard, or any number of other crusty crackers who are still proud of tripping over the bar Claremont left on the floor in the 80's!

And dammit, we kept the faith!

Even before the issue dropped, the Fall of X has had a lot of us wary. After all, all of the promotion leading up to it has been white guys saying the minority allegory has had it too good for too long, which, whatever, press copy. We all know they've gotta sell books — they, in this case, being the almost exclusively white, almost exclusively male creative teams attached to all of the books in the line. Sure, as Duggan said, the 616 has a fascism problem, but it’s hard not to see this as a deliberate step back from the almost double digit number of non-white creators these past few years — almost as if Marvel has realized they can make space for a fourth ongoing by their favorite white boy if they just throw out a Voices special every couple of months as a containment zone for the darkies. And, hey, considering how good ol’ C.B. got his foot in the door, I can’t even fake surprise. At this point, it’s a minor miracle any time a person of color is tapped for anything that’s expected to last beyond one issue.

In this issue, as a reward for keeping the faith, we got to see something astounding, something that'd bring a tear to the eye of even the most cynical reader — a team that was only half white. My god. And sure, their brutal murder in favor of a team with Kate "Hard-Arrr" Pryde and the Kingpin(????) was only a pit-stop between the resurrection of the suddenly ashy Ms. Marvel and Lourdes Chantel being killed off for the sake of a white woman's angst yet afuckinggain, but ain't that the dream that Malcolm Ten or whoever died for?

The Krakoan era, ultimately, has been the same as every other. Empty promises by white men who show us time and again that there was never any point in expecting anything better. Any meaning we've found, everything of worth, has been what we've made for ourselves.

We've spent years keeping the faith, Gerry, while you and yours have continued to let us down. What the hell do we have to show for it?

#xspoilers #Hellfire Gala 2023 #X-Men

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