#BYHTD

[specialgradefckr]

Beat Your Heart to Death

tw: explicit content, extremely toxic dynamics. gojo/geto, gojo/reader, geto/reader, and yes, stsg/reader. female!reader. mutual pining, requited unrequited feelings, the yearning, good god, the YEARNING. relatively unwilling voyeurism. EXTREMELY manipulative dynamics – boundary pushing, gaslighting, etc.

satoru and suguru are completely fucking deranged. their brains are operating on a level where human consciousness and emotion just hits different. they say INSANE shit at the end of this fic. you have been warned.

This must be what dying feels like.

You watch them, together. Leaning against one another, sleeping, vulnerable. Curled up in each other's embrace.

This must be what dying feels like. Seeing the man you love and the man you lust for, so painfully, peacefully, blissfully in love with each other.

If this is dying, you're surely going to hell for thinking something so awful about a feeling so beautiful.

It’s the sort of thing you think to yourself, bury deep – deep – inside the recesses of your mind. Dredging it out in the late hours of the night when you can’t sleep. Wallowing in your unrequited love, feeling sorry for yourself, while also comforting yourself with the thought that at least now you didn’t have to do anything.

You would never have to approach your longtime crush, Suguru Geto, and potentially ruin your friendship with him. It was something you’d struggled with for years, and after Gojo showed up – you didn’t have to struggle anymore. It was already lost.

And the insane twists your fantasies would play out for you, in those lonely nights in bed – you could be free of those, too. You could completely dismiss the insane idea of propositioning the man-whore menace of a human being who made your heart race, Satoru Gojo.

Satoru and Suguru loved each other, and it would be wrong to get in the way of that. At this point, even saying anything to either of them would be a trespass on your friendship, with both of them.

That was all there was to it. Nothing more to be done. You were mourning your feelings. Strangling your dreamy sighs at Suguru’s kind gestures, stomping the flutter in your chest when you caught Satoru smiling. Killing your heart and leaving it to rot, stepping around it like it’s not there.  

Unfortunately, you couldn’t escape the fact that all three of you lived together.

It doesn’t help that Satoru is just as prone to PDA with Suguru as he was with all his numerous hookups. More, even, because he doesn’t keep it to just his bedroom, doesn’t make the token efforts to stay quiet at night and shoo them out in the morning.

You do your best. Look away. Try to ignore how your heart jumps, twists, does all sorts of funny things at the sight of them kissing.

Satoru’s pretty white lashes flutter closed, Suguru’s warm gaze softens, cheeks flushed as Satoru’s hands jump up to cling to him. He cups Satoru’s face like it’s a treasure, tilting his head and leaning into the kiss like he can’t get enough of it –

You’re staring, fuck. You’re looking too closely. The scene burns itself into your eyes and you want to rip them out, never see it again. But you struggle to avert your gaze, greedy mind committing every detail to memory with a racing heart, dry mouth.

Thirsty, you’re so thirsty, in every sense of the word. They lean into each other, so in sync and so affectionate in a way that tugs on your every heart string. Fuck!

You start to just leave the room when it happens. You’d rather die than get caught staring, you’d rather go without water than thirst for droplets.

And you’d really, really, rather cut your fucking eyes out than face the feelings the sight awakens in you. Longing, yearning, how you want to tear them both off each other at once, how you want to see more, more, more, you want to touch, you want to taste –

God, fuck. You’re like one of those shitty girls who fetishizes male relationships. Aren’t you? You feel like this might be that. But you’re attracted to both of them individually, so it can’t be that, right? You’re not a creep, you’re just greedy. You leave the room when they kiss! You’re respecting their privacy!

They notice, though, is the thing. Not your staring (god you fucking hope they’ve never noticed the staring) but how you leave the room when they get affectionate with each other. It’s Suguru who pulls you aside to ask.

“…and listen, I know you’re not like that, I totally know, so does Satoru. It just… makes him feel a little weird, you know? He was raised by a traditional family, so they either think this is a phase, or call him disgusting to his face.”

Fuck your life. Actually fuck your ENTIRE life. “Of course not – I never – ”

“No no no, I know, I told you, he does too, it’s just – it’s a little disconcerting for him. But I can talk to him, make him understand. This is your house, too, you have the right not to see that sort of stuff.”

That just makes you feel a bit worse, actually. Satoru and Suguru shouldn’t have to hide away in their room whenever they want to kiss. It’s their own home.

“I’m sorry, Suguru, I – I don’t have any problem with you guys doing it around the house. I just…” You shift uncomfortably. “I’m not super comfortable with… PDA sort of stuff. It has nothing to do with you both being guys.”

Suguru nods, “No, I understand completely. Satoru will be disappointed, but you’re setting boundaries, and I respect that – ”

“It’s not that,” You say, “I – you can do whatever you like, really, I’ll just leave – ”

“No,” Suguru interrupts with a sigh, “That’s what’s bothering him. I think deep down he’s a little worried that you find it… disturbing.”

Your chest tightens with anxiety as you rush to reassure him, “Of course I don’t!”  

“No, I know, I know, we both do,” Suguru says in that warm, comforting voice of his, “It’s just how he feels – you know he can’t control that.”

And then your stupid mouth rushes ahead of you. Writes a check your heart can’t afford to cash.

“It’s fine! You don’t have to stop, I. Just… tell him I felt like I was intruding. I didn’t think he saw it as me being disgusted.”

And your heart will pay willingly, because Suguru gives you that smile. Warm and affectionate. The smile you’d fallen in love with.

“You’re not intruding at all. I’ll tell him you said so, it’ll be a great weight off his mind.”

So now the love of your life makes out with his boyfriend and you can’t even leave the room. Hahah. God. Maybe you should start thinking of a way to move out?

Problem: When Satoru moved in, he’d basically started paying all the bills. He didn’t have to worry about being cut off from the family money – even at his young age, he had his own financial success. Even if it started out with a few trust funds and an appointed position at one of his parent’s companies.

Every rent listing looked expensive when your current rate was “free”. And fuck, rent was expensive. You’d have to deal with other roommates, people you didn’t know (and love) as long as Suguru (and Satoru, at this point, you’d known him for years), and you’d be paying for the privilege.

You try, oh, do you ever try to get over it. Sexuality is fluid, after all, so it’s perfectly possible that Satoru and Suguru just ended up being gay. Being with either of them may never have been an option, except maybe as one of Satoru’s flings.

And wouldn’t that just suck? To have one night with Satoru only to watch him realize he’s gay and mutually in love with your longtime crush? Better to never sleep with him at all. You can’t miss something you’ve never had. And you wouldn’t want to be a fling anyways.

The thought stings more than it should, because deep down –

(You’d take it. You know you’d take it. That’s why you’re still here, really, under all the excuses. You’re fucking pathetic, pining for both of them. You’d take anything you could get.)

It doesn’t help that they get freer with their affections after your talk with Suguru. Looser. So unrestrained. You walk in on them fucking in the living room, having come back early from class, face burning up as you stand there stock still for a moment.

They don’t stop, or freak out, or cover themselves or anything. You see Suguru’s naked chest above the couch, Satoru’s hands pinned over the armrest of it, their bare legs and feet entwined and sticking over the other side of the couch. They’re both so fucking tall.

So beautiful. Satoru moans so pretty, and you hear Suguru purr, low and filthy, “Like that, you little whore?” and you feel yourself clenching all the way to your core.

You make a wild dash across the living room, staying on the other side of the couch so they can’t see you. Closing the door to your bedroom as quickly and quietly as you can, panting to yourself, feeling the heat rising on your face and the warm pulse between your legs.

(Pathetic, fucking pathetic. It’s like you’re actually some horny teenage boy with a crush on a pretty girl out of his league, rubbing one out every time you see her with her equally hot girlfriend.)

You’ve got to get ahold of yourself.

Your routine has changed, with the both of them being together, so openly. There were little things you’d shared, now gone, lost to the unfathomable whirlpool that was their relationship.

Used to be you’d buy sweets on grocery trips to share with Satoru. It was an old habit of yours, and when he’d first moved in, he’d caught you with them. Reaching for some with a grin before you smacked him away.

The look he gave you, a slow smirk before he went all wide-eyed and pleading, staggering to his knees like a proper starving drama queen – god, he had to know how he’d made your heart flutter. He probably pulled that on so many people.

Still, he would eat the candies right out of your hand, lips just teasing on your fingertips, eyes lingering on you while he licked his lips. It made you feel weird, at first, but you eventually realized that Satoru was just a weird guy.

He’d yawn and stretch and if he caught you or Suguru watching he’d flash his whole chest, like a girl flashing her tits. He slept naked and left the bathroom door open when he was using it, and he’d often knock when on your bathroom when you were in there, even if he had his own.

He had about ten different game consoles and games for them, plus a huge collection of movies, which he likes to watch with the room completely dark. He sleeps with a nightlight on, and his social media picture is an ugly picture of him from high school with these weird round sunglasses.

Not at all what you expected from a pretty boy like him. But Satoru’s eccentric charm, and the unstoppable allure of his perfect face and body, it rewired your brain somehow. You feel like you’ve wanted him for as long as you’ve known him.

You try to find other people. But the problem with living with Satoru and Suguru is that no one is up to your standards. You’ll never meet anyone as handsome or beautiful as either of them, so why bother?

In your defense, Suguru is hard to fall out of love with.

It’s not uncommon to wake up to the sound of your favorite breakfast being cooked while Suguru hums away in the kitchen, his pretty hair all tied back. If you sneak in quietly enough you can catch a tender smile on his face, the smell of freshly ground and brewed coffee he makes for Satoru in some expensive machine.

If you are unlucky, he’ll catch you, and that smile will grow as soon as his eyes are on you and you’ll fall in love all over again. If you’re lucky, you can sneak back away, but Suguru will eventually come and wake you up with a knock so gentle you suspect he already knows you’re up.

He shares his hair care routine, and it leaves your hair shiny and lovely. But your hair isn’t exactly like his, so he must have adjusted it.

He offers to help you brush or style it, himself, and asks you if you wouldn’t mind repaying the favor. Like you wouldn’t kill or die for the honor of running your hands through his silken locks.

Suguru is the type of guy who remembers when you get your period and asks if you need anything for it. You magically find your favorite fruits in the fridge, cut up, dipped in chocolate or caramel or yoghurt, however you like them best.

He does your laundry without being asked because he says it’s easier, and cleans dishes before you can get to them.

Every birthday he throws you a party, bakes a cake and he’ll spend hours to perfect a meal from scratch to go along with it. He’s perfect at finding a thoughtful present – Satoru just gives you cash, or some expensive luxury purchase you find fashionable but would never buy for yourself (Suguru definitely went shopping with him).

You get why Satoru likes him. Satoru’s sort of a slob, always leaving clothes on the floor – walking around shirtless like he knows exactly what it does to anyone watching “Just providing a public service, babe~” – and Suguru is so perfectly domestic.

Almost motherly. Whenever you misplace something, the fastest way to find it is invariably to ask Suguru, if he doesn’t approach you first with a concerned smile after watching you look.

After enough times catching Suguru sternly chide him for not putting away his clothes, leaving wrappers on the table, forgetting to put his shoes away; you’re relatively sure Satoru’s called him mom or mommy at some point. Possibly during sex.

And god, you get it. Those gentle tones of “Is everything all right?”, and “I tweaked the recipe, how do you like it?” and “I’m just really happy you enjoyed it.”, it’s enough to make your heart ache.

How, exactly, are you supposed to fall out of love with Suguru Geto?

How are you supposed to leave, how are you supposed to want to, especially when you swear you hear him call himself Daddy, and you find your face getting hotter than it should be.

Whispering to Satoru how “I’ve got you, baby,” and “Let Daddy take care of you, mhhm?”

And god, the high-pitched whimpers Satoru makes in response. He’s a tall guy, mewling, melting beneath Suguru’s hands, his words, his cock – and you could so easily imagine yourself in his place –

How are you supposed to be platonic about this?

 How are you supposed to stop touching yourself when they’re practically putting on personalized porn shows for you?

It's after the third time that you start to think they're doing this on purpose.

Whatever’s between them is something you just couldn’t understand. You get that, you do.

The way they look into each other’s eyes – there’s no way Suguru has ever looked at you like that, no way Satoru would ever want you that badly.

It’s something magnetic that makes them slot together at all times, draws their gazes to one another, leaves no room for anyone else –

But you stumble on them… a lot.

Never mind making out on the couch. You turn into the laundry room to see Satoru backed against the washer machine, his cock so far Suguru’s throat you can see it bulge.

His face is flushed, eyes teary, one hand loosely in Suguru’s hair while he whimpers. Dark eyes gazing up at him, fierce, Adam’s apple bobbing and another noise escaping him.

Or Satoru’s sitting rather innocently in Suguru’s lap, at a certain angle, but the sounds he’s making are less than innocent. Vile, even. Suguru’s broad hand wrapped around Satoru’s cock, pumping up and down, Satoru’s body shifting as you can tell he’s grinding down against something below.

And sometimes it’s really just the noises. You’ve heard them so often now it feels like you can put expressions to every moan and grunt and whimper and whine. Satoru makes a certain sort of gasp and your imagination jumps to think of how deep Suguru must be inside him, how his face must

They come back sometimes, from parties, drunk together. Leaning on one another like they could never lean on you – you’re not tall, not built like either of them are. Cheeks flushed as they whisper words into one another’s ears, Satoru giggling, kissing his cheek, Suguru laughing and squeezing his waist as they stumble into their room.

Like they’re in their own little world that you could never intrude on. You just catch glimpses every now and then. They don’t even look at you, it’s like you’re not even there – their eyes are locked on one another.

But that isn’t the worst of it.

Satoru and Suguru start bringing other people in.

No - they start bringing other girls into it. Like it's a punishment for catching them, only, you're fairly certain they wanted to be caught.

Satoru’s never been shy when he had a girl over, about walking around shirtless – maybe it’s an exhibitionism thing. And you’re someone they know well, someone tolerant (pathetic) enough to not say anything.

Either that or they’re both just that good at pretending you aren’t there. But they talk to you, all the time. You eat meals together, have movie nights (if you ignore how Satoru will not-so-discreetly put his hand on the inside of Suguru’s thigh while you’re all sitting together), grocery shop together, smile and laugh and share things about your day.

It’s just that they’re also dating each other. And in love, so in love, it’s painfully obvious that there’s no room for anyone else between them. Which makes the girls they bring over turn your stomach even more.

Sure, they’re one night stands. But they don’t even try to keep it quiet. You hear unfamiliar, high-pitched moans and whimpers, a wet smacking sound that has to be Satoru overdramatically eating pussy.

You wonder what his face looks like. What his eyes look like. Is he staring up at her when she does it? Does she have a hand in the feather-down softness of his hair? Or maybe Suguru’s hand, shoving him forward, that sly smirk that creeps over his lips when you’ve seen his eyes grow dark with want.

Is she whimpering because she’s close? Do they tease her, edging her, enjoying the expressions on her face, the way her body trembles? When she begs, is it for them to stop, or keep going? Whose dick is it inside her? Satoru’s, Suguru’s? What does it feel like? Satoru’s stupid enough to do it without a condom but Suguru isn’t.

What are they doing when she cums? You hear Suguru groan (you know how his groans sound, you know how both of them sound), so he must be cumming too. What’s Satoru doing? He’s too needy to be left alone for long.

Is he watching while he jerks himself? Has Suguru forced him to sit back? Or maybe he’s down where the action is, right where Suguru’s cock is buried inside her, laving over her clit and his cock like the slut he is until they both cum all over his face.

Why can’t that be you? Why don’t they want you?

Your fists clench harder than they should be One night you stumble onto them in the middle of the living room, all at it in plain view.

Satoru is in Suguru’s lap, tall enough to tower over him. Suguru’s hand wrapped around his throat, choking him, head tilted back in bliss as his lashes flutter. There’s a woman on her knees, between their spread legs, sucking Satoru off.

And you can tell, by the way Satoru shudders, how he’s loose like putty in Suguru’s arms, that Suguru’s dick is buried deep inside him.

Satoru and Suguru don’t even try to pretend it was an accident. Some fucking roommates they are.

Suguru will smile and blush when you ask him about it, apologizing in soothing, kind tones, offering to never bring another girl home again if it bothered you – you’ve been through the goddamn song and dance so many times already.

He has this way of just. Making you feel guilty for even asking in the first place. Like you were presumptuous to say anything at all, unless it was something he wanted to hear.

It’s turned you into this. So eager to please but desperate to keep them at arm’s length. Wanting, longing, and starving for it. Watching because you quite literally can’t do anything else, sights burned into your eyes. Unable to look away. Unable to keep watching.

You don't know what they want from you.

You don’t think you want to, anymore.

Satoru and Suguru are getting impatient.

No, Suguru is getting impatient. Satoru is getting desperate. It was his idea to start going out and finding girls to bring back and fuck.

It wasn’t particularly difficult between the two of them. And promising, at first – after all, what was more likely to get you to snap than watching – hearing – the two of them give some other girl everything you’ve ever wanted on a silver platter?

But you just keep going. Gritting your teeth and bearing with it. Suguru spent a whole week dislodging your vibrator slightly from its charging port, slowly squeezing your lube bottle empty, doing everything he could to drive you to the brink.

Satoru’s starting to remark how much it’s a waste of time. He gets snippy when he’s needy, and lately, Suguru’s cock just isn’t enough for him. He has to go through your laundry, plant a camera in your bedroom on one of those few nights they stay out late enough to give you some private time.

Satoru makes him wear your clothes when Suguru fucks him, lets Suguru gag him with your panties when it’s the other way around.

They play dress-up together and watch you touch yourself at awkward angles with muddied sound quality. It’s not enough, not nearly enough.

Privately, Suguru is a little worried. Satoru’s getting weird – not that he hasn’t always been. But weirder.

He goes right into the bathroom after every time you use it. He’s always quick to reach your drinks for a “taste test” after you’ve had a sip. And Suguru knows for a fact Satoru isn’t using his own toothbrush at night.

He keeps talking about you. Looking at you. Whispering dirty suggestions in his ears, asking impatiently if you look like you’re going to snap.

Satoru is needy like that, demanding, and you’d always balanced him out while helping Suguru relax.

But there’s a distance now that wasn’t there before. The tension builds and builds, needs unmet for so long that desperation is clawing at both of them.

And that’s to say nothing of his own desires. Satoru, for all his faults, still has self-control.

Suguru passes your door every night and stops for a moment. He serves you dinner with a smile, domestic as he is, and thinks how easy it would be to slip something in there. To make sure you’d sleep through the night.

Would it even matter if you didn’t? You let him get away with so much. You love him, you must love him, don’t you? There’s no other reason you would put up with all of this. If he did slip, you’d forgive him, wouldn’t you? You’d drink up all his honeyed words with the same smile you always gave him.

But if he gave you such a convenient excuse, then he would always doubt. Whether you really loved him or if he just made it convenient to love him.

More importantly, you’re looking at them different. It was good, at first; your pretty eyes darting in a different direction, the way you try to hide your face, keep your words especially cool.

 They want you to TAKE what you want. Want you yelling and screaming and scratching them up like the hellcat they know you are, deep down.

“How long,” He whines between groans as Geto works between his legs, fingering him as he sucks his cock, “Is she gonna make us wait – fuck!”

Suguru pulls away with a pop. Saliva and precum dripping from his lips. Satoru pulls him in for a kiss, by the hair.

“You know she’s liked me a while,” Suguru murmurs, swallowing a moan or two as he works another finger into his hole. “She’s scared of pushing me away. And now that you’re my boyfriend, she probably wouldn’t want to break us up.”

“Fuck, but imagine if she did.” Satoru bucks into him, “She wants us, I know she does.”

He’s always so needy, like a puppy. Suguru likes it, but he can admit that he wants you, too. Misses the energy you’d provide. You’re not demanding like Satoru is. Too prideful. Satoru’s shameless. But you want, oh, do you ever want, and they both do know it.

Once he’s stretched Satoru out enough, he wastes no time shoving him onto his belly, burying himself in his hole from behind – “Fuck! Suguru!”

“On it right now,” He purrs, close to Satoru’s back, reaching lazily for his cock.

Satoru doesn’t like to cum too soon anyways. He likes to cum from getting fucked, to be edged into oblivion – or he likes going hard and fast and overstimulated to no end. Not much in between, unless he was the one in charge.

“Imagine it,” He pants like a dog beneath him. He’s pretty, so pretty, and the only thing Suguru could imagine that would be better is to see your face looking up at him from underneath Satoru, “Suguru!”

He grunts, thrusting his hips harder, “Imagining. What am I imagining?” God, Satoru’s a slut and a nuisance, but it’s always been worth it to indulge him.

“Her,” Satoru breathes after a particularly hard thrust, “Trying to break us up.”

Suguru grabs his hips for better leverage. Satoru dirty talks best when he’s getting fucked hard, after all.

“Fuck, imagine if she got me drunk or something, hngh, finally followed through on those fuck-me eyes she’s always giving me, ghhgh, fuck yes like that, and. Just fucked me in our room, waiting for you to walk in on us together.”

And he can see it, picture it so well.

A drunk night with the most beautiful man alive, because that’s what Satoru is; pretty even now, beneath him, all sweat and lean body trembling as he gets utterly railed.

You’ve always had the attraction, and Satoru couldn’t handle his liquor, and all the sudden, you’d slept together.

“Would you – ah, ahHhh, would you get mad, Suguru?” His voice is teasing now, even through the groans and utterances, “Would you cry~?”

“Ha!” He half-chokes out the laugh, because Satoru clenches around him and it’s hard not to cum right away. He’s going to leave bruises from how hard he’s holding those narrow, lovely hips.

“No," Suguru grinds out, "But I’m sure you both would. She’s the type, and you’re so fucking – gah, so fucking needy. What would you want me to do? Forgive you?”

His pace slows down, and he reaches to squeeze his cock in return, just for a taste.

“Nah – fuck! Yes, keep doing that, fuck.” Satoru bucks into his touch, always, always chasing after him, “She’s too fucking nice all the time. If she did it, it would be – hnng – like. A revenge thing. She should be fucking mad already, pissed off. She should make me cum inside her, say she’s pregnant. Make me dump you and marry her, so if she can’t have you, nobody can.”

Suguru barks out a laugh at the concept, and then a moan, choked off as he feels the heat shooting through him at the idea.

You’re too nice, like Satoru says, it’s a laughable concept, you acting like this –

But what had he seen in your eyes that day after you caught them both with that girl?

“Fuck, I swear I feel you twitching inside me – ”

“What would you do, then?” Suguru purrs hotly into his ear, “You want to win her heart while you’re married?”

“Well, we’d fuck all the time,” Satoru wheezes out a giggle, trembling as Suguru’s hand slides along his cock, “Fuck you – haaaahhh. But I’d be making nice with her, being a good husband, and then you could come and have an affair – ”

Fuck, fuck, that’s too much, “Close,” He grunts, driving himself deep and hard, chasing the edge, “Fuck, I could tell her I love her, blackmail her, even – threaten to tell you.”

A groan as Satoru gets closer, and Suguru continues, “I could fuck her, leave her coming home to you full of my cum – ”

“I’d eat it out of her,” Satoru laughs, near deranged as he jerks between fucking back into Suguru and rutting into his hand, “Jerk me off already – ah, fuck, what if you got her pregnant – ”

White-hot, like the idea of your face beneath him, both of them, accepting them with an open heart full of rage and bitterness and lust, Suguru cums.

He’s just aware enough to fist Satoru’s cock, sliding harshly along it until he hears the lovely whore beneath him gasping, twitching, spilling in his hand.

“Fuck, fuck, fuuuuuck,” Satoru whimpers. “Hnghh… god, just the idea of her coming home from the hospital with a black-haired baby.”

“Fuck you,” Suguru barks, because now he wants to cum inside you. He wants, so, so fucking bad to cum inside you.

But god, do you even want them?

You sit there, all day, looking away, running away. That’s not love, is it?

And he’s a romantic, at heart. Satoru is, too. They don’t want anything less than your whole heart. Your entire life, your mind, body, and soul, dedicated to them the way they are to each other. Mad with jealousy and rage and possession.

Satoru had left him with bruises, the day he found out Suguru was crushing on you. When Suguru told him, in no uncertain terms, that he’s been wanted you for over a decade now and he wasn’t leaving before he got you. Blue fury in his eyes, heart twisting in his chest.

He’d looked him in the eye, grin wild and wide. Staring down as he has him pinned. Suguru had raised his knee up between his legs to find his cock desperately hard and throbbing.

“I want to fuck her first,” had been his wicked demand. Pain and pleasure traded like currency in return for love, each of them furious at the other for wanting you. They reaped the cost of their love on each other, settled their scores deep in their souls.

Because even if Suguru had seen you first, could he really say he’d wanted you first? Did he really want to fuck you before Satoru moved in, before he saw you flustered from your attraction and playfully trading banter with Satoru?

Had he wanted Satoru because you wanted Satoru? Had Satoru wanted him because he could see that you did?

Lines cross and uncross between you and the two of them, too tangled to ever unravel.

Time to tighten the knot.

[specialgradefckr]

Heartline Gone Flat

Sequel to: Beat Your Heart to Death

tw: explicit content, extremely unhealthy relationships. gojo/geto, gojo/reader, geto/reader, stsg/reader. female!reader. pining. mind games. catfishing. non-consensual filming. extremely under-negotiated kinks. safe? maybe. sane? it's INsane. consensual? allegedly.

bondage. knife play. it gets fucking crazy. no one retains any degree of sanity by the end of this fic. every single character is deathly allergic to honest/healthy communication. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.

You're not stupid. You notice the cameras.

It's not easy, mind you. Suguru - it had to be Suguru, Satoru didn't have this kind of calculated approach to anything - had hidden them reasonably well.

But the flash of a light, a glint where there shouldn't be one... suddenly you were finding cameras everywhere.

At first, you wondered. Why the hell would they bother spying on you? They already fucked in the living room. Groped each other right in front of your salad.

And then, this one time. Suguru had just finished eating their little hookup girlfriend out, his lips still wet and sticky while he lifted up his head.

He met your eyes. Dark and violet and... hungry. He didn't look away. All his pretty words, all the honeyed excuses that you know would pour from his lips, and he didn't look away.

No, your gaze was only broken by a head of white hair, Satoru pulling in to steal a kiss. Blue eyes glinting at you, so bright you have to look away.

He'd wanted you to see. They both had.

You know it, now. But why are they watching you?

And you think back.

Missing panties. Your vibrator dying on you constantly. Your lube running out. Your toothbrushes wearing out quickly.

Suguru does the laundry. He knows where everything is, like the clean freak malewife mother hen he is. Satoru keeps using your bathroom even though he and Suguru have their own.

So they're fucking with you. They're fucking in front of you. They're spying on you while you try to fuck yourself.

All that and they won't fuck you, won't even try.

Why? Why why WHY WHY! What do they want? What are they fucking doing?

Suguru won't tell you. He'll deny it's even happening. Satoru -

You don't like that shimmer. The way his eyes seem to stare right through you. His ethereal beauty.

The lurch in your chest every time he looks at you.

You'd had time to come to terms with your crush on Suguru. It had been a slow burn, a low simmer, a pull in the back of your mind that makes you nod your head and smile and sigh every time he asks you for something, every time he makes some excuse.

Suguru was comfortable. A well-loved, soft blanket you couldn't bear to wash, couldn't sleep without.

What you feel for Satoru makes you want to throw up. Shove him down, bite into his fucking neck and eat his heart straight out of his chest.

Every time you see him with Suguru it makes your fingers twitch. Your cunt clenches - do you want him inside you? Do you want Suguru inside you instead? Do you want his pretty mouth pressed up between your legs, pretty blue eyes gazing up at you, tearing up as he suffocates on your cunt?

Who the fuck knows. But you want, you know you want him. Like nothing you've ever wanted before in your life.

But you can't have him. You can't have anything, and, as far as you can tell, they're fucking taunting you with it.

So when you see the cameras... the next time you catch them fucking, Satoru moaning loudly, as if exaggerated, Suguru muttering dirty talk that could have come straight out of a porn script -

Well.

If they're filming you... and if they're so determined to be your personal porn stars...

Why not oblige them?

There's this man at the club that Suguru doesn't like.

They try not to bring men back too often. Women work better, make you more jealous. And he'll admit he doesn't like the thought of Satoru wanting a dick that's not his. He knows Satoru feels the same.

Though, with the way this pink-haired, tattooed man is looking at him, it looks like Satoru's whore instincts have gotten ahead of him.

"Who the fuck is that guy?" He whispers, bitingly, a hand over Satoru's hip. Mean, grasping.

Satoru laughs, but it's an uncertain sound. "Sukuna, I think. I remember him from tinder a couple years ago."

"Matched with him?"

"Guess so."

They don't have to wait long to see what the guy wants. How he glares at them both. Larger hands snatching Satoru's wrist, glaring down as Suguru when he tries to shove him back.

"Whore," Sukuna spits, glaring down at Satoru, "I paid you good money and you fucking blocked me?"

What?

"The fuck are you talking about?" Satoru snaps, as Suguru's mind races.

Is Satoru fucking around? But they spend every moment together. And he sounds genuine.

Sukuna isn't dissuaded. He snarls and sneers and acts like Satoru is playing dumb, until he finally pulls out his phone, revealing a series of DMs with someone called...

SatoSugu <3

What?? Who???

"You told me you weren't exclusive with your little boyfriend here," Sukuna growls, "Guess that was a fucking lie, too. Keep a leash on your slut, yeah, Daddy Suguru?"

And though Suguru does like to think of himself as having paternal energy - for a man like Sukuna, that's a bit on the nose.

Satoru recognizes some of the pictures on the DMs, though.

They're selfies (thirst traps, really) that he's sent... to you.

It only takes a little digging from there. SatoSugu <3 is an OnlyFans account - and a big one.

There's regular uploads. It's full of shots of the two of them, sometimes shorts, sometimes even videos a few minutes long.

The angles are a big scuffed but the audio is usually good. Some of them look like they might have been recorded from a phone -

And they're all set inside your shared home.

"Well, well, well," Satoru says, sounding much more composed than Suguru is feeling, "Looks like we got more of an audience than we were looking for, huh?"

At least most of these are showing his good side. Oh, he looks hot in that one...

He remembers that time, too, where Suguru was especially pent up...

Satoru scrolls through the feed with a smile on his face.

He pays the subscription fee, too - ooh, you were making good money off of this - and licks his lips at all the saucy content.

Really, he should be thanking you for the archive. But after using them to make money without their knowledge, surely you owed them at least one... collaboration.

Suguru does not feel the same.

It's not a surprise - Satoru has always had a bit of an exhibitionist streak.

For him, it was different. Satoru had his own ways of being territorial, but Suguru was possessive, in a dark, heady way Satoru loved to stoke.

You were allowed to see because you were theirs. You were a part of this relationship, whether you knew it or not. Even if you hadn't claimed their bodies yet, you had their hearts.

Random girls they brought home - those were unimportant. Quickly discarded. Tools to be used to make you jealous; they got only as much contact as was strictly necessary, and no more.

But this?

Showing them off - showing his Satoru, the one he'd so carefully reduced to tears and quivering. His strong, beautiful Satoru, full of energy and slutty dramatics, meant exclusively for your eyes and his?

And him; you've been pining for Suguru for years. Now you're letting strangers see him in his most intimate moments?

It's... diabolical. Exploitative. A master stroke of manipulation, taking advantage of their attempt to make you jealous, reducing it to a moneymaking scheme.

As much as he hates to agree with Satoru, it is kind of a turn on.

He can't quite call it a betrayal. You must have found the cameras they'd planted, set some of your own, knowing they might not notice the extras.

There's a special sort of rage billowing in his chest at the thought of everyone who got to see him and Satoru without his consent. But he's not so foolish as to think he didn't have this coming.

The question was, why did you do it? Are you angry? Are you trying to profit off them?

Knowing Satoru, he'd be pleased with either answer. But Suguru wants more.

Suguru wants anger. He wants your gut to sear with fury like his does, he wants you to be seething at the both of them. Apoplectic.

The time to prod you, taunt you, lead you into making a move is over. This is your answer - infuriating and enrapturing.

His mind twists and turns at Satoru's suggestion. Collaboration.

Turnabout is fair play, after all. And nothing quite turns him on like scheming and fucking.

Perhaps he and Satoru will have to make the first move. This battle is yours... but the war?

Oh, it's only just begun.

When you do meet their accusations, you do so head-on, shameless.

"Oh?" Your tone is tinged with mock innocence, "I didn't realize you had a problem with people watching you. Sorry about that."

There's not an inch of apology in your voice, of course.

In fairness, it wasn't even an unreasonable assumption. They'd fucked in plain view in your living room.

"That doesn't explain the man." Suguru says, unwilling to even say Sukuna's name.

But you know what you did. He knows you do.

You meet his eyes with a gaze you've never shown him before, heavy with the new arrival of old grudges. It hits him like a hunger pang.

"I thought you were looking for a third." You say. "You're always bringing people back home. I didn't think you were exclusive."

Suguru savors the bitterness in your voice. Why not me, you never asked me, it should have been me.

Delectable. Every last chocolate-coated note of longing burnt to a crisp.

"So you pretended to be Satoru?" The white-haired dog of a man slinks up to his side, arms crossed. As if he cared.

Their eyes lock onto the pink slip of your tongue licking between your lips.

"It looked like a perfect match. You've both got a preference," You drone, "Strong guys, tall guys. He's stronger and taller than either of you, and his dick is bigger, too."

That has them freezing up. Tense. Air thickening with it.

He can feel Satoru nearly vibrating next to him. Straining against an invisible leash.

"That doesn't mean you can just impersonate us."

You fix him with a look the tired fingers of his thoughts are not able to unwind. Suguru could spend hours looking at you, picking apart every single inch of your expression.

He'd love every second of it.

"So?" You ask, challenge in your tone.

He smiles, eyes half-lidded as he closes in. "So, we both agreed... if we're going to be on the page, it's only fair if you go on there with us."

You take a step back, but it's not far enough. Satoru's lean, muscled form presses into you from the side.

"Yeah, babe," Satoru sings, "Isn't it time for you to upload? Come on, we can't disappoint the masses."

Boxed in, walled off. Suguru crowds you with the heat of his body, broad shoulders.

Ah, there it is. The nervous flick of your eyes, the tightening of your expression. Readying yourself for the crash.

Like white water breaking against the rocks. You've always been so malleable to him, so predictable in your moods, and yet somehow vaster and greater than he could ever command.

He thinks your lips on his, your waist encircled in his arms, is a fine start to mastery.

Of course, Satoru can never let him have anything - arms tug at his shoulders, a chest closing in from the side.

He moves to sandwich you between them, letting Satoru slot himself behind you. He knows it already, in the cracked blue intensity of Satoru's gaze, Suguru knows he's hard, desperate to grind himself against you.

"Oh, but you're not into me, are you?" You brandish the words like a dagger, "And we've been friends for so long, Suguru. We're all roommates, too. I wouldn't want to make things weird between us."

The pointed barb makes him laugh in spite of himself.

You still won't say it. Won't say you want them. You don't push them away, don't do anything to stop this -

You want him to say it first. And if Suguru isn't careful, Satoru might just sell them out to get his dick wet.

So he smirks, letting one hand trail down and underneath your waistband. Grasping your face by the chin and tilting it to look towards a planted camera. Satoru takes the chance to kiss your cheek.

"Oh, we play with girls all the time, Satoru and I, and you didn't mind recording," he purrs into your ear, knowing this isn't what you want to hear. "Don't you think you owe this to us? After putting us up without our permission, you should at least put yourself out there too, no?"

"Yeah," Satoru says, like the obedient, horny lackey he is, "What he said."

How eloquent.

"Since you both agreed on this," You say beneath lowered lashes - but this close, Suguru can feel how your cheeks have warmed, "You must have an idea of what you want to do with me."

Anything. Everything. He wants to toss you down, eat you up, watch Satoru fuck you from a million angles while he directs, fuck Satoru while he fucks you and vice versa -

But he can't let you goad him into saying it. Even under pressure like this, you're trembling, but not as trapped prey. You're burning from the inside out, fighting the urge to grab and hold and have them.

"Oh, I know we do. Satoru," He purrs, "Come here and help our dear roommate put on a real show, would you?"

Satoru groans as he thrusts into you. Hand on hip. Clingy, needy.

"Did you like it," he pants in your ear, like he's the one getting fucked, "Did you like showing us off? Showing me off?"

Egging himself on. A match that lights itself and burns up too close to your fingertips.

He has you on his lap, too close and yet not close enough. Facing forward, towards the camera in Suguru's hands (is it even turned on? you can't tell, can't look away from the hunger in those violet eyes).

Satoru's other hand winds around your ribcage, clasping one of your breasts, squeezing and groping freely.

"Showing that prick my - hngh, my selfies just for you?" He whispers, "Did you have fun pretending to be me? Teasing him, then blocking him? Did you think to yourself, you'll never have him anyways, you can never have my Satoru?"

A laugh comes out from his mouth, thundering through you, his muscled chest pressed to your back.

You want to see him. Pretty, beautiful Satoru - he's finally fucking you, and you can't look him in the eyes.

Suguru does. Suguru's eyes flick towards him, meeting his gaze. Just over your shoulder.

After all those years lusting for him, you finally have him and you can't even have him.

And it's glorious. It feels amazing, like nothing you've felt in your entire life.

He's good, so good at this, pressing into you just hard enough, just enough friction, the hand on your hip darting over to rub over your clit while he whispers his dirty talk in your ear.

"Did you like leading him on only to dump him? Wanna keep me all to yourself?" His voice is hot, breathy, dripping with thrilled arousal.

"Answer him." Suguru says, and he sounds so faraway, even though he's right there.

Watching. Filming. Directing, even.

Satoru's only fucking you because he told him to. The circles over your clit send you clenching, quivering, and Satoru whispers for you to answer, come on, did you like it? Do you like them?

"Of course," You choke on the words, "It was fun messing with Sukuna. But I felt bad for him, you know? Catfishing is one thing, but it would be cruel to inflict the real you on him."

There's a laugh from Suguru, even as Satoru's fingers dig into you. He leans over your shoulder just enough to stare at you from the corner of your eyes. Grinning.

You meet Satoru's crystal-blue gaze, lips curling into a shaky smirk.

"You're such a whore," You drawl to his face, gasping as he thrusts harder (his cock throbs at the word whore, this goddamn slut), "You vain fucking bitch, you love flirting, showing off your body, but I know when you and Suguru fuck, you make him do all the work."

Reaching around with one hand, grasping the toned tightness of his ass, you squeeze - even as a swipe of his fingers over your clit takes your breath away.

"Yeah? Then what am I doing now, babe?" Those eyes glitter at you. Satoru's locked on you, not looking away for an instant.

He's so fucking beautiful, all smirking and shining and heavenly flesh against your own.

And you feel Suguru's gaze like a leaden weight. Lick your lips.

(He's not yours. You can't have him.)

"Suffering, probably," You dig your nails into his ass and he hisses, cock twitching inside you, "Poor little pillow princess Gojo having to put in some effort for once."

Satoru's smile bares teeth at your use of his surname.

(Don't, Suguru mouths in warning, while your attention is fixed on him.)

"Ha!" It's a dry laugh, biting, feral, the words he wants to say stuck in his throat, "Fuck you!"

"You are," Suguru drawls, "Poorly."

"And fuck you, too, bitch, your hole is next," Satoru pants, thrusting hard and fast.

(He wants wants want wants WANTS. But Suguru wants, too. And he has you now, doesn't he?)

You keen as he drives into you, quick movements, fast circles over your clit that match the friction in your cunt. Closer, closer.

Something in his face spurs you on. Heart racing the words out of your mouth, "You gonna cry when you cum, baby?"

Taunting, snide, the words don't match the way your chest lurches as he hits a spot inside you, and heat spurts in your lower half.

It's agonizing and ecstatic; the hand not coaxing your clit into bursts of heady pleasure grasps your breast, clutching you back against him.

There's a noise from across the room, a shift or something, but it feels so loud to your ears. Like Suguru refuses to be ignored. Even in this one perfect moment of your fantasies come through -

Or maybe you just like him too much to forget he's here. To keep yourself from glancing over at him.

But Satoru isn't looking at Suguru. He hooks his chin over your shoulder, leaning his face into your neck as he groans, languid thrusts of his release jerking against your hips.

You feel wetness against your neck, hot, slick. Licking at you.

"No, but maybe you will," He purrs, sucking marks into your skin.

Hands roaming. Legs hooking over yours, limbs wrapped around you, refusing to let go.

You blink, hard, and no tears come out. Must be dehydration.

Suguru's eyes are burning holes in you. Even Satoru stiffens behind you. (His cock stiffens, too - is he really that much of a whore, or has Suguru trained him or something?)

"Ah-ah-ahhh," Suguru tuts, but it's a cold sound.

His eyes are sharp, pointed, "That can't be all. This is for the audience, after all. You should put on a good show."

It's almost malevolent, how he relished in your expression when reminding you of the shared pretense.

You meet his eyes with your own burning gaze.

"This is all for content, right?" The words are full of malice, of challenge.

You match him, smile for hateful smile.

"We should do things you two haven't done before."

Suguru had to hand it to you.

He didn't expect Satoru to be the first person to peg him.

Oh, technically, perhaps it could be considered from you. After all, it had been inside you, first.

"I seem to have run out of lube," You'd explained coyly, "You don't mind, though, right? Here, I'll donate some of my own."

So Suguru had sat and filmed while Satoru fucked the dildo into you. Rubbing it over your cunt even though you swatted at him, rushing him to put it in and lube it up.

Your hands on Satoru's dick in return, grasping tight and unforgiving. Like he wasn't already hard enough. Jerking him until he spurted all over your palm.

You rubbed that on the dildo, too, once he'd pulled it out of you. You couldn't stop a tight hiss at that.

Suguru keeps the vision of it in his mind's eye as Satoru fingers him open. Hands still wet with his cum and yours.

(It keeps him hard. That little gasp you made, breathy, a touch overstimulated, so soon after your last release.

What a large refractory window. He wants to break it open.)

The dildo is hot pink, bulging. Suguru had mocked it when they'd found it in your cabinet. Satoru thought it was cute.

By the smirk on his face, his opinion hasn't changed.

"Get on with it," Suguru grunts, shifting his legs to give him better access. Glancing at you, camera in hand. Eyes locked.

"Yeah, yeah," Satoru says, blithe as ever. Rubbing the dildo's bulbous, silicone head against his hole, "Coming right up, cockslut."

He can't help a scoff. "You're one to talk."

He's still half-worried Satoru will confess his undying love to you just to get his dick wet. Give up the game before it's really started.

"Wonder what the title for this should be?" You muse, "Slutty twink ruins goth's hole, no lube? You guys sell so well."

Suguru almost chokes out a laugh at that. You and Satoru, cut from the same cloth. He'd seen it earlier.

A pair of whores talking each other through it.

(It's never failed to make his blood burn.)

"I think we're owed a little more participation from you," Suguru licks his lips, "Come over here."

A trickle of desire he lets through. Just a droplet, really.

He watches your eyes dilate at the sight.

(Oh, you want him. You want him you want him you want him you want him and it's the most potent aphrodisiac he's ever known.)

The camera is abandoned on the table. Maybe he was in frame, maybe he wasn't.

What's far more important is you, between his legs, as Satoru sits him back on his lap. Up on his thighs, giving him space to slowly drive the dildo in.

And even though Satoru's face must be just behind him, a grin he can hear - Suguru knows you're staring at him. Trapped in his gaze.

Your hands crawl up his thighs. Shaking as Satoru stretches him. Working up to the cock that's now tall and pulsing against his lower abdomen.

The hunger in your eyes makes him tense. He's leaky already, not from how expertly Satoru is nudging his prostate, but from how you look at him like a dog staring at a steak after it's been told no.

Your eyes glancing between him and his cock.

Something flutters in his stomach. Burns in his gut. Soars in his chest.

This is love, isn't it? It must be love, this high he sees looking at your face pressed against his dick like you can't quite believe you're there.

(Finally finally finally fuck - )

He chokes, arching his back and moaning. Wincing his eyes shut to hide how they water.

Satoru's hand grasps at his hips, the other one shoving in - tight, tight, fuck, it burns -

And then it's soft, and wet, and perfect, your lovely mouth opening up around his dick.

Tongue gliding over it like you can lick away years of longing. Savor the fruit of your yearning. Devour him entirely.

He feels like he's melting. Red-hot bursts of pleasure as Satoru pumps into him and you - your eyes - fuck fuck fuck your mouth, warm and melting around his cock until he can't tell where he ends and you begin.

His hand reaches your face before he knows it. Cupping your cheek.

What face is he making right now? He can't think about it, can't think about anything but him inside your mouth and your face in his hand.

You lean into it, eyes half-fluttering, blissful, sucking and drooling around him.

That's what gets him. His cock pulses, and throbs, and he doesn't have a moment to warn you, but you swallow around him anyways. Suckling as you pull away, glancing up at his face.

A drop of his cum gets on your mouth. Thoughtlessly, his thumb swipes it away, but it lingers on your lower lip. His eyes linger, too.

Something twists in his chest.

He doesn't know what does it. If it's that moment of vulnerability, all the soft, tender parts exposed that he has to lash out to protect. Or if being able to finally touch you has unfettered something cruel and wild inside him.

Or maybe it's just the sick, twisted desire to win. To watch you cave in on yourself from the hunger, starved until you become just as willing to draw blood as he is.

But Suguru knows he says it with an awful, mean smile.

"You can add on Slut used for both holes to that, too," He snarks, his hand moving back to cup your cheek.

Soft, so soft. Face crumpling at his touch. Fighting not to show it.

"You sure seemed to enjoy it," You say. Heart on sleeve.

He wants to rip it apart. Ribcage open, heart bare and beating.

"Gojo's better, of course," He strokes your cheek in mock affection, "But it'd be unfair to compare you to him. He's special."

Thumb over the twitch in your cheek.

(Won't you bare your fangs? Won't you bite? Tear in?

If you won't, then he will.)

"I've never had anyone like Satoru. He always knows just what to do... maybe he's a born slut," Suguru chuckles, low, feeling your cheeks heat against his fingertips, "Or maybe he just knows me that well. Loves me that much."

He can feel it, he thinks. Your poor trembling heart, your face growing hard like armor.

What are you thinking now? I love you, too? I'd love you even more? I've loved you longer, forever, how can you not see -

"Sure he loves you," You bite out, "He loves your dick."

You're hungry, so hungry. Starved of his affection. And he's dangling it in front of you now -

So why won't you bite?

Satoru's not entirely sure how it got to this point.

Suguru, tied to a chair, arms strapped down. The vibrator - the one he'd sabotaged so many times - strapped to his dick, all swollen and purple and dribbling pitifully in overstimulation.

HIs eyes are red-rimmed, bloodshot. Sweat in a sheen over his broad shoulders. Lips in a thin line as he struggles not to make a sound.

He's so handsome, even like this. Maybe more like this, Satoru thinks, and then buries the thought deep as if to hide it from Suguru's ravenous gaze.

(He thinks he knows anyways. Suguru always knows, knows everything. Satoru could see things but Suguru understood them.)

It started somewhere with the bindings, he thinks.

A tone of measured challenge in your voice that Suguru couldn't resist.

Suguru thinks he's some kind of director. But you'd baited him with raised stakes, and then offered him an out.

"It's okay if you don't want to. I know you and Satoru aren't there yet in your relationship. If you don't want to do it with me, just say so."

It's not a bluff Suguru could easily call.

Telling you he doesn't want you, they don't want you, would be an outright lie, a hole he doesn't dare dig for himself.

"Do it. Tell me you don't want me. Tell me that and we can stop here."

You offer him your beating heart on a platter, well-disguised. Tone even as you give him the knife and hold if over your chest.

He couldn't call you out. So he had to raise.

Hands behind his back, at first. Then he's tied to a chair.

Satoru makes good use of it. So do you. Hands and mouth and tongue and teeth, everywhere.

Your lips are so soft and yet they sting his skin, dripping venom with every word.

Raise, raise, always raise. As high as you'll take the stakes. He'll never back down.

A vibrator, remote controlled. Satoru getting the chance to hold the camera.

Suguru just barely catches him half-filming while he palms his cock to you grinding against his dick in his lap.

"Do you like it, Suguru~?"

He doesn't know who asked him.

But he knows you're not fucking him yet, you haven't said it yet (that you want him, need him, love him can't live without him say it say it SAY IT ALREADY).

And he can't lose, he can't lose, not to you, not you.

That's when he called for the whip. It's a fine thing, a short flexible band of leather.

And then Satoru had licked his lips, itchy fingers, pulling his shirt over his head, and Suguru realized that if he went ungagged he would ruin everything.

So that was how the gag got into Satoru's mouth. He's drooling on it now.

And the sight of you muzzling Satoru had been enough.

Suguru felt ravenous, vile. He saw an opening and went in, fangs bared.

"Want to make him cry for you??" He taunts, "He's a pretty crier, even prettier when he cums. Maybe you can do with that whip what you couldn't do with your cunt, hm?"

"Shut up or I'm gagging you, too. Turn around, Satoru."

And Satoru bared the pale, flawless expanse of his back to be whipped, had to have his hands smacked away form his cock while Suguru cooed about how pretty he was.

How you asked if he liked it that much. If he was a slut for everyone, or just for the pain. If he'd take anything you would give him -

He's chomping at the bit. Ball gag. His mouth isn't full enough. He wants to taste you.

Satoru's back is burning by the time you shove him onto the floor.

"Unbind me," Suguru had ground out, "I'm so hard - fuck, I want to take him now."

"Too fucking bad. I'm busy -"

"You looks so good all red and whipped, baby." Suguru interrupts, ignoring you completely, "Like you were born for it. Look at me. Look at me."

And Satoru did, making eye contact over his shoulder, past you -

Yeah, Satoru thinks. That's how he got here.

On his still-stinging back beneath you, shirt off, watching you straddle him in all your furious glory.

Knife in your hand. His chest bared as you seethe.

He tries not to pant so hard - it's tough, you're rubbing right up against his dick and this is about the hardest he's been in his life.

"You really are a fucking slut," You say, words dripping over him with your hateful gaze, burning like acid.

Every inch of his is aflame. It's agonizing, it's euphoric - it's like your anger is a part of him. Surging in his veins.

Blade pressed to his skin. Sharp. Beautiful.

You are beauty incarnate, in his eyes. Satoru knows he's never seen anything as beautiful as you are right now.

"Worthless fucking whore, doing whatever you're told," You spit, "Letting your body get carved up for porn. Is this all you're good for, Gojo?"

He blinks, eyes wet. Don't call him that. You can't call him that! Not now!

Satoru knows it. By the touch of your knife on his skin and the touch of your eyes on the knife. Your entire world is narrowed down to this moment where he's letting you do anything to him.

He's so good for you, so still. Looking up at you with his big, beautiful sparking eyes.

All lean muscle and power and strength just lying under you and taking it.

Sure you call him a whore, you must be jealous over Suguru, but he knows you can tell. Just by how he looks at you.

Laying beneath you all docile, stronger than you and delighted to take a knife to the chest from your hands. This is love, you must know love when you see it.

And he feels it, moving, lines drawing over his chest.

Your name. Your NAME.

He feels it, in his chest, literally every stroke of the knife splitting through his skin.

Satoru's eyes tear up, pain and pleasure white-hot and pulsing towards his dick. It's throbbing, desperate.

All he can do is whimper, whine. This is why he was gagged, because even through it, he's chanting.

Fuck, fuck. You're carving your name onto him. Onto his chest, onto his heart.

He fucking feels it, he feels you leaving this mark on him, this mark that can only mean you, he's yours, he's all yours and he always will be.

Looking up at you. Your eyes, feverish, frenzied. Full of him.

Hands bloodied as you guide the knife.

Oh, he tries not to pant. He wouldn't want to mess up your work. He tries not to buck up into you, but it's a lost cause, like his cock has a mind of its own. Like it knows where its home is now.

Skin splitting, blood pooling over his chest. Over his heart.

He feels it leaping out to you. Like it'll flutter right out of his chest.

You want it. You want it so fucking bad, he can see it in your eyes.

His arms itch to take the knife from you. Satoru cries into the gag, fruitlessly, because don't you understand?

Can't you see? He'll cut it out and give it to you, it's all yours!

You can have it!

The words pour out of his eyes, like he can tell you, like you'll understand if only he looks at you long enough.

You have to understand. Of course you do. You're his whole world right now, and he's yours, he can feel it.

Satoru knows it like he knows that satisfaction in your eyes.

You lick the blade clean. It has his dick drooling.

yours. yours yours i'm yours, i've been yours, baby, look at me. you see it. you see how good it feels for me, being yours?

i love it. love you.

Feels like his heart is leaking out of his mouth. Every word he can't say. Useless, dribbling, skin-warm and wasted.

Tears streaking down his face. And he meets your eyes and you can see, he's sure, you can see it -

"Satoru," you choke out, cracking like his name has carved your throat like you've carved his chest. Shifting against him.

Oh, fuck.

Heat bursts in his lower half. Yeah... yeah, he just came from that.

Sucking in air desperately though his nose. Blinking away tears in his eyes. His face is a sticky, wet mess. Abs coated in his own cum.

Ruined beneath you. And you look enraptured.

Fuck. Fucking hell. It's the greatest moment of his life.

He spares a flick of his gaze to Suguru, poor Suguru, all alone on the corner watching.

And it's so easy just to tell him with his eyes. They know each other that well.

This could be you down here. This could be her under you, for all you know she'd let you. You're so fucking determined not to say you want it that you handed this to me.

Some things about Suguru, he really doesn't get.

Oh, well. Finders keepers.

Her name is on my chest forever, now. No matter what she does with you, she'll always have done this with me, first.

You have it. You have what you wanted, now. Finally.

Satoru is underneath you. Suguru is in the corner, fucking watching. Like he's been making you watch your crushes fuck for months on end.

Your handwriting has never been as beautiful as it is on Satoru's pale, perfect skin.

Now it's split by the letters of your name. You don't even feel bad.

He wanted it. Leaned into every inch of the cut.

Those beautiful blue eyes. Looking at you, you, you.

His gorgeous chest red with your name and he's completely transfixed, Finally it's just you, his attention is all on you -

The flick to the corner and you know instantly. Suguru.

It's always him. You can't even have Satoru to yourself for five minutes, and you can't even blame him for it.

Not when you want Suguru, too.

(but you can't have him. you can't have anything you want, not really, can you?)

Your hands are shaking. You don't even notice it. Adrenaline pours through you. Flight or fight.

You look at Satoru's chest. It's really only barely bloodied.

The knife is warm in your hand. It was so easy.

Cut him deeper. Cut him open.

You want to cut his fucking heart out and take it in your hands. Rip up that pretty face. Put out those beautiful gemstone eyes for straying.

Ruin everything you love about him. No one will want him then. Suguru won't want him.

(can you have him then?)

The edge of the knife is against his throat and you're ready to just slide it across his neck -

and -

and -

Satoru is looking up at you again.

(cut him. cut his throat. kill him now. fucking whore, how could he -)

Wide blue eyes sparkling with untamed affection. Lovesick. Adoring.

(it's not for you. this isn't yours and never will be.)

His mouth is gagged but his face just lights up when he sees you, all bright and eager and -

(you love him. you love him so fucking much.)

Suguru calls your name and your heart is burning again -

(you love him. it hurts.)

The knife falls, unbloodied, from your hands.

You get up.

You walk away.

[specialgradefckr]

I'm curious about your last fic, if reader asked Suguru to break up with Satoru and never talk to him again, would he do it?. My other question is how would they react if reader just moved out one day without telling them anything?

(the fic in question: yandere!satosugu/reader)

hehehe what a fun question! i don't have any super concrete plans right now but asks like this really get me thinking!

would suguru dump satoru and go no contact?

nope. suguru is a MASTER manipulator. he would never let his relationship with you get to that point.

he would, in fact, send satoru to straight-up seduce you if he thought you were ready to make such a demand.

in the fic, you're crushing on suguru but you're still deeply attracted to satoru.

other than that, suguru and satoru would definitely find it hot if you tried to drive a wedge between them or limit their time together. they're both enchanted that you're so jealous, but i think satoru would also really like the "forbidden love" angle.

he's having secret little rendez-vous with suguru, who's trying to manage your feelings so he pushes him away and that absolutely tickles satoru. he might get a cnc kink out of it.

or just dubcon suguru outright, the way a man in a mutual relationship might dubcon a fully willing victorian lady who feels great social pressure to put on an air of reluctance.

they'll spend some time cozying up to you. mostly satoru, if you've come to want to push him away so much. you should remember you like him, too!

what if you just rage quit?

stalking time! but also once again, i think suguru is very in tune with your emotional state, and he'd likely take some kind of action before it got to that point.

you'd also have to be VERY quick. maybe arrange it at a time when they're both out.

suguru would find you almost instantly, and absolutely turn on the waterworks... pressure your many mutual friends and family (childhood friend, remember?)...

asking what he did wrong in so many mournful tones. why didn't you say something if it was so bad, just acting completely innocent when you call him out on his manipulative behavior.

gaslight gatekeep girlboss. you go suguru.

satoru's taking a more practical approach though. he shows up at your house, (skimpy) clothes disheveled, covered in bruises and scrapes, lip bleeding, tears in his eyes.

he'd spin some story about he and suguru had a fight/broke up and he went out, got drunk, got in a fight at a bar and now he can't go back to suguru looking like this, please...

he's in some kind of super slutty outfit too. crop tops, boob windows, shorts short enough for you to ride his thigh in.

and yeah he'll basically do whatever he can to get you to sleep with him. act all pitiful and pathetic. literally anything to get you tangled up back in their relationship again. he'd be sooooo smug about it to suguru, too XD

[specialgradefckr]

Hiiii, I’m liking the stalking idea and satoru gaslighting the reader into sleeping with him out of pity and yearning then ending up pregnant. Suguru would find out and manipulate then gaslight reader into coming back because he still wants to be with satoru, but satoru has reader and the baby now so it’s like a package deal kind of thing. But on the low they’re both giggling cause now she’s stuck with them cause of the baby. Idk if this makes sense, but I tried 😭😭😭

no no it makes sense ,i get u,,, this is in reference to ANOTHER ask i answered a while ago: https://www.tumblr.com/specialgradefckr/769289621280636928/im-curious-about-your-last-fic-if-reader-asked?source=share

you have the vibes though. they are giggling. baby trapping is absolutely on the table, these freaks do not think for one single second "gosh maybe we shouldn't bring a child into this" dksjhglhdfg they're so awful.

in the first place, they'd do everything in their power to prevent you from leaving to begin with. sabotaging your move-out plans, guilting you into staying longer, hell, even trying to convince you to come on a "vacation" to one of satoru's secluded villas and then "run out of gas" so you're "stuck" there,,, that's all more likely than you just moving out.

i do think that if satoru comes to manipulate you, it's actually a concerted effort on the part of him and suguru. they are a team and they are playing this together.

but baby trapping is definitely on the table. suguru would even tell satoru to do it, and tell him when to approach you because he knows exactly what point of your cycle you are on <3

he gives satoru tips on how to win your pity and affection (although they're like. 40% wasted on satoru bc of his personality) but it's definitely going to be enough. especially if satoru looks beaten up enough.

it's not like suguru has to get you back in order to get satoru back. getting you back for both of them was the plan from the beginning.

if anything, suguru would plan for satoru to go "missing" and leave you alone during your vulnerable time, pregnant and stressed out, only for him to step in and demonstrate what a doting and caring partner and potential parent he would be.

by the time satoru is back in the picture (and he is an impatient little shit), suguru has absolutely convinced you that you need him if you're going to parent successfully. satoru isn't going to be there on his own. but satoru's the father, so you can't just push him out, either...

how conveniently this all lines up into you three being together. they're still not satisfied, though, not convinced you've truly fallen for them the way they've fallen for you, so you are unfortunately destined for more yandere antics in the future, but hey! two husbands :)

[specialgradefckr]

Hey, Can I get a breakdown of satoru and suguru in the break your heart series. What’s their view points and how do they cope with everything in details? Thank you!

jkfghlsdhfg on one hand i love you all and it's so encouraging that you want to hear more about it. on the other hand,,,

i actually DO have the draft for part 2 guys!! i have everything all planned out, even potential ideas for part 3,,, like absolutely keep the encouragement coming bc i am a bit of an attention whore and i am LIVING for all of this but i can't go super in depth with the answers on part 1 anymore 'cause i'm sure you'd all rather have part 2 anyways!

in any case. here u go. spark notes.

suguru: he knows you have a crush on him. he's liked you for years. he wants you to make the first move, to act on your attraction, and because he's a little fucked up he wants you to do it in a BIG way,,, a way that leaves no doubt that you're as obsessed with him as he is with you.

with satoru he just considers him like... not exactly a dog bc he sees them as equals but sort of like a dog. satoru is upfront and feral with his feelings so suguru is very confident in his devotion if not his loyalty. they're close enough to see one another as an additional limb or something like that.

satoru: he knows you're super attracted to him but so would anyone with eyes. he's probably wanted to fuck you for a while but suguru got to him first. that did NOT stop him from wanting you.

probably feels some kind of way about your childhood friendship with suguru but he's not insecure about it. not because he's confident (to be fair, he IS), but because he is willing to kidnap/threaten/imprison/baby trap who knows what the fuck else if he feels is necessary to keep you guys.

[specialgradefckr]

Hello, I loved reading your last fic. I'm just curious about what would happen if the reader just decided to go clubing just for hookups and an excuse not to be in the same house as geto and gojo. Ooo, what if reader brings the hookups back to their place? What would the guys think of it?

I'm very normal about your fic if you couldn't tell lol. Anyway, have a good day/night♤

awwhhh heheh i'm glad you liked it!!! it was definitely a bit of a passion project for me. i had SO MUCH FUN writing that dialogue between gojo and geto. a little spice to cut through all the yearning.

it warms my heart to see other people being Super Normal about how absolutely insane those guys are sdjkhflhdgf

the more i contemplate it, i do think gojo and geto especially would be upset if you went out, even just to find a hookup.

deeply hypocritical? yes. completely irrational? also yes. but they are delusional and that is their charm point in this context <3

if you go out to a club they're absolutely going to follow you. coincidentally end up at the same club. they're both bi and they are not REMOTELY above seducing anyone who approaches you, which is an especially tragic and sexy and fucked up concept i like.

you find a cute boy there? satoru is going to try his luck first, and then suguru. they're just hanging out, you know. they love spending time with you, and they happened to run across your little ~crush~

you can ask them to back off but suguru's such a smooth psychological criminal.

do you really want this dude who'd rather fuck satoru or suguru? are you really going to be happy sleeping with him, knowing what he really wanted was satoru's dick? what if he sneaks out of the room after he fucks you to try and fuck satoru or suguru? how would you feel then? they're just looking out for you.

would definitely pull the same thing on your hookups. they would also absolutely fuck directly in front of you to make things awkward. moan loud enough to drown things out and hopefully turn your hookup off.

if that doesn't work? satoru or suguru is going to sneak in and seduce them in the morning. they're not above roofies/noncon or even pretending that your "hookup" assaulted one of them if your chosen partner isn't attracted to men.

they are. MONSTERS. DISGUSTING. VILE. AWFUL PEOPLE. they will do anything to keep you in this hell until you go just as crazy as they are <3

[specialgradefckr]

How would stsg react if reader started a fwb relationship with Toji or Sukuna? It would be funny if they realized how Suguru and Satoru felt about reader and did things to push her away from them, just for fun.

In Toji's case I think he would just start spending a lot of time with reader, he would fuck her in her room knowing that stsg are listening, and if things between them get more serious maybe he would use Megumi to manipulate her. Sukuna, for his part, would hire reader as his secretary and take her on business trips with him. At first, it would only be a few trips, but then reader would spend months with Sukuna on his "business trips."

okay so while toji does have HUUUUGE FWB vibes, and i really do love the canon undertone to a toji-satosugu rivalry... i don't think toji's an emotional enough character to even come close to eclipsing satosugu's freak.

which wouldn't be necessary normally but for this particular fic the appeal is the freakiness. the nonstop emotional roller coaster. toji's just not bringing enough spice to the party. involving megumi as a kiddo would just not fit the vibe of the series, but i absolutely stan toji as a scumbag who WOULD use megumi to manipulate women's feelings skjhfglhsdfg.

sukuna though... sukuna... first of all i will correct you. unless it's a mafia au (which i'm not very into) i wouldn't put sukuna as a businessman... he just doesn't have the patience for it. that man is a cook, 100%. his powers are cooking themed in the OG japanese sdfhglkdhfg.

which adds an additional element: instead of eating suguru's home cooking, you have carefully prepared bento boxes from the king of curses (he still won't tell you how he got that nickname).

instead of staring at shirtless satoru you are staring at the surprisingly tasteful thirst pics sukuna sends you (uruame is helping him take them).

and yes... much like with toji... if you even so much as offhandedly complain about the satosugu pda, sukuna will instantly invite himself over, and fuck you in front of them just to assert dominance.

he is literally ready to start a fight, he doesn't care. man loves knives and is built like an absolute fucking UNIT.

satoru matched with him on tinder once years ago. he will not talk about it to this day.

i also think sukuna has that feral energy that stsg are bringing to the table. he is just batshit crazy enough to talk about knocking you up and leaving the baby with suguru and satoru to raise while he fucks you full of another one.

calls suguru's cooking shitty and says you swallow his down. implies he cums in your food. implies he drugs your food and fucks you while you're asleep (without protection). does literally anything and everything to piss them the fuck off.

he's not actually homophobic (he fucks men and sees nothing wrong with it) but he totally calls satoru and suguru fags and makes off-color jokes about how they had to find each other bc no woman would take them. probably couldn't even find the clit.

are any of his claims based in reality? does he mean any of his threats? who knows. satoru and suguru are going insane and that's what matters.

[specialgradefckr]

omg your new satosugu fic is sooooo good it’s breaks my heart in such a beautiful way you wrote it so well I couldn’t help but wanna be petty and get them back. Like reader is obviously oblivious to their feelings so I wonder what would happen if they suddenly went to a therapist because they just couldn’t take all the hurt and confusion they’re going through and they just feel so pathetic for liking the satosugu couple and then through therapy they get better and instead of moving out like that last ask you answered what if they’re just gone more often not wanting to interrupt Gojo and Geto’s fun time and eventually finds a guy who’s a walking green flag and one day when they invite him over they feel super bad and embarrassed because gojo and geto are in the middle of a session in their room but readers date being the green flag he is changes the subject by offering to play video games and reader just forgets about everything and has a bunch of fun with the guy. Sorry for this ramble it’s just an idea I’ve had for a while and it’d be so ironic and funny to see Gojo and geto jealous instead of reader like their plan totally backfired. Anyways love your work I send you all my love and support ❤️❤️❤️❤️

see i love you SO MUCH and it's incredibly encouraging to hear other people See The Vision,, The Beauty,,, just how good the yearning and desire hurts,,

however this is NOT the place for therapy. beat your heart to death is a fic about crazy people driving each other even more crazy. NO GREEN FLAGS NO HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS ALLOWED!

this dress code is enforced by suguru and satoru. let me tell you. although they would be very pleased that you want to get them back, they are not about to let you live your life peacefully.

if satoru has to bankrupt your therapist, so be it. if they have to break in, read your therapists' notes, and use that knowledge in pointed conversations about what you're doing with your life, are you really being a good friend to them, are you a good person at all... so be it.

whatever green flag you find is getting stained red, one way or another. like i mentioned in another answered ask, satoru and suguru will lie, cheat, steal, kill, fuck, noncon, incriminate... pretty much whatever fucked up thing you can think of, to keep someone else out of your life.

the only way to stop them would be to find an equally red flag like toji or sukuna sjdhfghgfdg but that doesn't end with you being in a happy relationship.

i do feel you though on the energy of like... "the best revenge is living well". and that would work, but only if you were capable of living well without them - i just don't think they'd allow it.

but if you found a legitimate scumbag.... someone like naoya with zenin connections who they couldn't fuck with as easily - and you married him JUST to get back at the two of them, that could really fuck them up.

and naoya is shit. of course he's shit. you fucking hate him. maybe you don't even let him fuck you. but you let him hurt you. let him yell at you. treat you like shit.

and how is suguru supposed to watch that? how is satoru supposed to overhear you talk about how naoya doesn't think women can (should?) cum during sex. how he makes you "put out", how he's hoping you'll get pregnant as soon as possible, even though you're afraid.

you can't live well without them, but you could live miserably. and that would torment them in a way your happiness never could.

sure it would drive them insane to see you happy with someone else - so insane they'd be sure to ruin it.

but to see you miserable with someone else... you don't have any happiness for them to ruin. you're already in hell. and you'd choose that over them?

that would shake them to the core. and they love you. for all their faults. they don't want you to suffer, at least not unless it's for the sake of love. they don't want you to hurt in any way they can't fix. the end goal is always for you to end up together, obsessed with one another, like you should be.

[specialgradefckr]

Shooting my shot for a beat your heart to death suggestion... Reader gets very desperate... Purposefully staging a whole scenario knowing geto + Gojo are going to want to fuck this girl eventually. You merely speed up the process. Reader stalks this girl hard and has a perfect routine to be a believable look alike. Possibly breaking into her apartment to know exactly what kind of bra's / panties she likes to wear ECT- the boys will want to invite her over for a hookup. But in the dark with the lights off perhaps they do not have the slightest clue who they are really fucking- perhaps even moaning your name 🙈😈 I just really like this set up and would love to hear your take on how you think it could end ^^ love your works :)

First of all, thank you!! I'm glad you love my works, because I love writing them, and it makes me so happy when other people love my brain children (some of them sitting abandoned in drafts for months on end,, my deadbeat parent ass).

Okay so, excellent thoughts BUT I do think realistically there's no way you could get away with the swap without them noticing.

Gojo, the disgusting animal that he is, can 100% identify you by scent alone. He has spent so much time with your panties in his mouth that he knows the exact flavor of your cunt and probably what part of your cycle you're on.

He could pick out which pair of panties you wore in a blind taste/sniff test. He will know instantly. I do think he might not tell Suguru right away though just for fun value.

Geto might have a harder time because he wouldn't be familiar with your mannerisms but I think he'd know your body and body language well enough that he could tell that, too.

Although... I also really like the idea of them picking out girls who resemble you in various ways >.> they would, too, the monsters. They might even be fucked up enough to get her to wear some of your clothes so she smells like you.... fucking FREAKS (i love them).

From a writing perspective though, that's a really good twist! You should be proud, this is actually a really neat concept! I think it would be a satisfying act of deception for Suguru - he wants you to act out, do something crazy, and this fits the bill really well.

Narratively, it would work great from the reader's POV thinking you've fucked them, pining the whole time you fuck them anyways because they think you're another girl... only for one of them to casually slip afterwards that they knew it was you.

Or worse. They don't slip (this would be VERY hard for Satoru skdfhgsfdhg). And they just keep finding girls who look just enough like you that you keep swapping yourself out for them... they get to fuck you without admitting they want to fuck you.

But it's kind of harmless. For Satoru and Suguru, what they really want is like. A love that hurts. They think the realest version of love is one that's painful, visceral, moving. To really feel like you've confessed, they'd want you to do something that hurts.

I actually already have a good draft for part two. But maybe this idea is worth exploring somewhere else? Idk if you have a blog but you kinda cooked here bestie. If you want me to pick it up somewhere else though I can go for that too >.>

[specialgradefckr]

hello, I am obsessed with BYHTD. I was wondering... What would happen if reader actually began acting bratty and pissed off. Frustrated even. She starts acting out, all sarcastic comments and snippy tones "I'll be late, no dinner for me" etc. and refuses to elaborate. She's spending more time outside home/at work, only going there to sleep, etc. and also starts distancing her self by making herself seem more and more unapproachable each day. Imagining she doesn't leave space for guiltripping, etc, how would stsg feel? Would they rejoice or feel bad.

another ask that really heavily predates part 2 (i was locked in fOR A WHILE OKAY)! glad you enjoyed <3

this idea actually has some really fun promise! i remember thinking that when i saw it originally (at that point though the plot for part 2 was well locked in).

like damn. maybe the answer really is just to be a bitch to them. avoiding them. locking yourself away in the room. it's a difficult strategy for them to deal with because so far they've relied on the fact that you do, actually, want them.

satoru is distraught. he'd be turned on by you being mean to him bc he's a whore like that but avoiding him??? his heart would break. suguru doesn't like it much better. he wants more of you, not less.

...this might be what provokes them to go like. full yandere. assuming they're capable of it.

of course, it wouldn't be "yandere". geto quietly talks to your mom, your family, etc., behind your back. basically he stages an "intervention". if he can't slip you some drugged meals then he'll sneak it into your water bottle. or put the drugs on every faucet in your shared home (gojo's gonna accidentally drink some like an idiot i just know it).

and yeah basically they'll like. take you somewhere or something. leave you less room to avoid them than ever before. talk about how they're worried about you, you're not talking to them, holing yourself up. it's okay to talk about what bothers you, you know.

geto's really good at sounding empathetic and he's definitely going to do everything he can to make you sound crazy. it wouldn't help that they'd been constantly interrupting your sleep with their loud ass sex sessions. sleep deprivation is legally a form of torture btw...

brings up your mom (you're old childhood friends and she trusts geto), how worried she is. how you're short with everyone. this isn't you, isn't like you. why are you so mad? you gotta talk to them, baby.

sure they dress it up as advice. but in the end they're pretty much kidnapping you, restraining you, and forcing you to talk about your feelings. highly ironic since this problem was caused by them not talking about THEIR feelings lol.

i do think geto would enjoy you being bratty with him too though. gojo just likes you being mean to him but geto likes the back and forth/brat taming hehe.

i actually have an unrelated little piece i whipped together about the whole idea of like. brat!reader. should be coming up soon,, or whenever i can get myself to wrap it up.

[specialgradefckr]

Hello, I would like to start off with BYHTD. This is a very long message, so i apologise right now.

Never have i been so afraid of just knowing there might be a second part to a fic before. No afraid as in fear, but afraid as in the anticipation of adrenaline when you reach the highest point of a rollercoaster and you know it's abt to go down.

I gobbled up all the asks and everything to do with this fic. I'm so sO NOT normal.. and this level of hyper fixation is extremely new to me. I mean it. This one made me switch my cellphone off, had me deep breathing, muttering small 'damn', 'shit' 'fuckk' at random times during the day.

I've re-read it a couple times now and it just keeps pulling me in. I personally do NOT enjoy angst/ pining, etc. Not without assurance that the ending will be 'happy'. Yet this one. It's like when one first starts to get a taste for good wine, you know. For someone who absolutely detests the sad parts of a story, has even SKIPPED them in so many fics I've read before (not proud of it, but the heart wants what it wants), I am surprised to see that the parts that i specifically go back to are the ones where the reader is especially hurting/jealous. Like the realisation that they're both into other women but not reader. It hurts good. I was not this person. The story changed me. HOW DID YOU DO THAT!?

FINALLY, to My question. What would happen if reader just sort of... Gives up in the sense of wanting a romantic partner altogether? As in she just accepts that she's not going to get a good partner, and since all of her partners turn out to be 'evil' (given stsg frame them, etc) she decides to move on to 'self love/care'?

Imo, what if she wallows for a long time and the yearning gets to her. She realises what's happening and decides to participate on her own terms. So much so, that she does a 180 in her approach, and takes away what they hold most dear (her complete attention on them) and give them what they most fear (a stone cold facade that is borderline too sweet, too nonchalant, showing them that their antics have saturated the reader to the extent she's no longer affected). She just starts (outwardly) shifting her focus onto her work, etc. Like a sudden workaholic, who's gymming a lot too, suddenly.

I imagine them going in more aggressive, taking about their sexcapades more openly and all, but reader just... starts smiling and laughing with them. Even specifically mentions one of her 'friends' is interested in joining stsg, if they'd be interested. "She seems like your type. She saw you guys in my birthday pictured, and hasn't stopped talking about both of you. I can set y'all up on a date or something, since you're looking to spice stuff up... so yeah. lemme know."

All smiles and 'genuinely' looking out for them. And the whole times she's thinking... I'm gonna be an equally bad nightmare to you, I'm going to play according to MY rules and I'm not playing 'your' game. We're all playing mine now.

That's it. I'm glad I could voice it out because i haven't been at rest ever since I had these thoughts shimmering in my head.

I just want the reader to still have her pride intact, regardless of how the story goes. (I only just came to this realisation after I wrote this long-ass message)

Thank you for reading, I cherish you and your writing with my all my sanity and conscientiousness.

jdklsdhgfs i got this ask (and several others!) before posting the part two so let me just say!!! thank you so much for enjoying my work this much!

you, amongst several other anons, were so encouraging sending me asks like this. i had the "film them for onlyfans content" idea before this ask was even sent in, but it was SO fun to hear people talk about what they'd like to see next.

that being said, i hope it lived up to your expectations sjfhklgshdfg honestly i was kind of worried for a while that the next part i wrote might not live up to the first. but you gotta just for got it sometimes, you know?

but it is SO. gratifying. to think that this is how the fic feels from a reader's POV. as a writer i pour over these words and ideas SO MANY TIMES,, especially something like this part two which i worked on across a few weeks, it starts to feel stale, and i second-guess myself. hearing how much suspense you were in makes me feel like what i wrote actually was as emotionally impactful as i thought it was, and it's so rewarding to hear <3

honestly though if it makes you feel better, i also can struggle to get through a lot of super angsty stuff. there are particular kinds of angst that i can really feast on, but a lot of it can be a struggle to read through. i straight up skip the "hurt no comfort" tag most of the time, like for me a lot of the purpose of angst is the comfort or comeuppance.

but anyways... among the many theorizations for what reader could do, this is definitely on the more realistic side. gojo and geto have no good way of sabotaging your self-care and emotionally manipulating you much further than they already have.

the whole point of BYHTD is that they're reaching the limits of what they can do to you emotionally. there's just not a lot left to do without confessing.

i think the real problem with this route is, though it's an emotionally satisfying journey for the reader, i would struggle to create drama and yandere behavior like the original fic would call for. this is more a continuation that would focus on emotional growth and stuff.

even with the reader trying to play it cool and set them up with others. when you're manipulating someone, what you usually want is a reaction, and if the reader has feelings for them, still, well, they're really not better off than they were before.

it could be fun from satoru and suguru's povs as they try to sabotage your self care and slowly lose their minds more and more, but as a writer i shine more with emotional outbursts, or extremely fucked up yandere behavior (however dramatic/subtle it may be).

who knows though. maybe therapy is in the cards somewhere,,, SOMEONE here is going to have to change,, although to be fair. maybe not for the better >.>

but!!! i think i did do a good job keeping the reader's dignity!!! i absolutely feel you there like. on one hand there is value in putting the reader through hell, but personally i almost always need them to come out on the other side. i can be very stubborn with my grudges and i generally don't write readers who forget that they were wronged.

anyways!!! you are forgiven for the long ask, really, don't worry about it! i am always happy to talk about my work (although sometimes i have to stop so i can... actually work XD) - and i hope, whoever you are, you've enjoyed the next part that came out <3

[specialgradefckr]

OMG I thought reader was going to cut Satoru's chest, take out his heart and eat it in front of Suguru.

honestly? me too. you're so real for that. on the right wavelength. you are picking up what i'm putting out there,,, love to see it <3

i'm kinda proud of that moment!!! it's like. a very real experience for me because although this certainly doesn't happen often, i remember a lot of times in my life where i've been.

just. so completely incensed at someone who i'm close to. i felt so wronged, so angry, so completely hateful. obviously i've never actually physically harmed anyone because of it shfglshdfg but like.

that moment when you're so fucking pissed and you're all i hate you i hate you i HATE YOU and then all the sudden. they do something nice for you. they say sorry. they empathize.

and you remember you love them again and it's like all the rage just stops in its tracks.

you can't hurt them. you love them.

although honestly it would have been a very sexy ending. if it could happen without killing satoru permanently maybe i'd even go for it sfjhglhdg

[specialgradefckr]

plz make a part 2 of Beat Your Heart to Death

lmao i just added the label (to be fair, it was only tagged #BYHTD which is what i've been using for all the asks related to the fics) but bestie, that exists already:

[specialgradefckr]

okay BYHTD part 2 is essentially done. i'm just. editing and re-editing some of the last lines skhfglhdgsdfg this is AGONY i'm so torn on how to create the mood i'm imagining for the ending.

but i do think it's. it's mostly good. i like the concept, i like the direction it took. i think every character had time for their emotions to really shine which was important to me.

and now i'm so nervous bc i worked on it SO HARD for quite a while actually and now it's time to post sfgshldghsdg,, trying to stop myself from hyper-analyzing every line shjkdfglhg

but it's okay. i am preparing myself. i am reminding myself that there is value in putting it out there at all! even if it's imperfect, any fic is a million times better than no fic!

so many anons loved BYHTD and were so sweet to me. my beloveds. i STILL have asks about it! i'm actually excited to answer some of them still shgsdhfg

just know if you sent in an ask about BYHTD. this next fic happened because of you. i was content with that being a oneshot. but so many people got so into it. it felt so exciting to answer asks and scheme and rub my hands and respond to your ideas!!! i love you guys!!

even if i don't hear from any of those anons (or if it takes them a while!) i can feel good about having done my best to reward their interest in my work.

gonna sleep on it and hopefully make final edits and post tomorrow or something skdfjhgsdhg.

[specialgradefckr]

Beat Your Heart to Death, Part 2: Nobody comes (clean)

[specialgradefckr]

Hii! I really loved your last fanfic of satoru and suguru yandere version! Those two are truly psycho tbh, and I wanted to know what if the reader decided to move on? And bring home another boy? (A boy that is loyal to reader so no seduction is working on him)

AND! I have one more thing, what if the reader also bought someone home as in to hook up and they are doing it in her room, and the reader isn't even trying to make less noise (maybe wanting a little revenge) how would satosugu react?

I LOVE YOUR WORK?!!

sfdkhgjlshdg i'm a little bit behind on asks (i have a bunch from the past week and also a lot from longer ago dfgslhg) but!!

thank you so much!! <3 i'm glad you enjoyed it!!! the yandere thing was kind of a tough sell at first because like. what's the point of a yandere if they make you feel left out? is it even really a yandere if they're more into each other?

but i found my angle and absolutely loved it. the dialogue between suguru and satoru while they're fucking each other is some of my favorite stuff i've ever written skfhgjshdfg.

this has come up a few times. so as we know, if the reader does bring someone else home, satoru and suguru will definitely try seduction, but the thing is, if seduction doesn't work, they are NOT above non-con. and they're even more NOT above framing your partner for noncon.

especially suguru, who's your childhood friend and already has so much rapport with you. he drugs your bf (preferably with something that also stimulates aggression), gets satoru to film the encounter, and just. basically makes it look like your bf sexually assaulted him.

he'll even hurt himself to make it look more real. with video evidence, careful manipulation, and some editing magic with satoru's recording, it's going to look very very bad for your bf.

along with some girls (courtesy of their magnetic charm) who happen to know your bf and come forward to "warn" you before this happens about his "bad habits",,, bf is absolutely cooked. RIP.

but that DOES take planning, so you'll definitely be able to get in one shitty "too loud" sex session before then.

hopefully your bf is good in bed but it's actually even funnier if he isn't. if you're intentionally exaggerating your moans (and making this totally mid dude think he's a god at sex LMAO) and satoru and suguru can 100% tell.

you're not even having that great a time. you're stoking this complete LOSER's ego (satoru is especially salty bc he's SO much prettier than this dude) when you have a pair of ADONISES right next door? seriously?

they definitely think they're doing you a favor when they set your boyfriend up to look like a rapist. between the two of them suguru claims that they're doing this for your own good, and if you were truly happy then they'd let you be (they would absolutely not ever let you be), but it's obvious that this guy can never make you happy.

but they're also petty bitches so like. prepare for a moaning contest. satoru has the lungs of an opera singer with how loud he can sound. your bf looks at you all confused like "who's blasting the shitty gay porn?" and you'll have to be like "no my roommates are just having sex again" T_T rip reader please get with these vile men soon.