#because now i am alone and sad about lost friends who apparently felt something i did not

[immortalsins]

time to accept that I'm upset about the fact "its OK if you just want to be friends" is empty words. that's not going to happen!! & i can never go back to the society we met in because it'll just be awkward! without us EVER dating (unless we were and I wasn't aware of it). so sick of not understanding this stuff i wish it was simple and clear

[remushrts]

Cursed - starchaser (pt. 2)

— pairings: regulus black x james potter

— a/n: hi! another piece of angst that absolutely destroyed my heart and i can't suffer alone, this one is especially dedicated to bru and mags who honestly might hate me when they finish reading (part one can be found here and enjoy the reading <3)

— summary: the last visit Regulus pay to James (from James' pov)

When James woke up with the letter in his bedside table, he felt like his own heart had given up on him. He would have recognized Regulus calligraphy anywhere, the pitch black ink on the envelope that was addressed to him. He doesn't even know when it appeared.

Then he thinks. When Regulus disappeared, he probably apparated to his room to leave the envelope there. He thinks, if things were different, Regulus would've delivered it right to his hands, catch a last glance of him. He thinks, if things were different, maybe he could've convinced Reggie to not do it.

When he reads it, it's even worse. It's his legs, his heart, his lungs, his brain. He feels about to collapse, his breath heavy and he could feel the room spinning around him. It was his fault. He knew deep down, even though Regulus words denied it, he knew. Regulus thought there was no salvation to him, no hope. "I go out to the sea to find my death, James. To myself and not you. I am not dying for you or because of what you did, and please don't think so. Please don't be sad."

But James was very sad. Regulus words sting his heart. To the sea. The sea that Regulus always had adored from a fair distance, the same sea he searched in great urge.

He began to question if it was possible to beg for a life to a thing this big, and still hold hope to be heard.

A single life. A single life that moments before was at his door. A single life he had let go. James' soul couldn't even begin to express the sorrow that came with losing that single life.

Right now, only one thing comes to James' mind. It's a perverse thing, really, but it's all he knows now. Regulus is gone and James feel the grief like it's crawling on his skin like something that comes home after a long time, like something that found its way home. A snake, a lion lost from its pride, long stripped from both senses of the word. Then James knows, all grief is one, and his parents, and his friends, all one, all the same grief that now lingers at the door. James wishes he couldn't let it in. He wishes he could tell it to go away or that it meant nothing, he wishes he could say that and be true. But he can't, so he doesn't say anything at all.

And here's the tragedy: knowing that your love can't be saved, knowing that your love is doomed to an end but loving it anyway, the "if i could be saved, it'd be by you", the "sometimes love is not enough. but it mattered." James wishes he could hold into this one thing, into the thought that although he couldn't save Regulus Black, although he was lost forever and a small part of him believed it to be his fault, his love made a difference.

What no one tells about the Icarus myth is that Apollo cried when he saw his love falling into the sea.

James Potter does too.

[doodleoogles]

Here comes another one....

I realized I wasn't scared when I don't get the things I wanted. I may get frustrated, sad, hurt or be walking around with my ego bruised but never afraid to not get it. I never had things easy, in all aspects of life, I guess that's why I am more surprised when things actually go my way.

Like what is happening now, this is something I never would have imagined possible. If I were to start from the very beginning, I seriously can't recall how we started talking but I do remember I spent years going after this person - late night talks, sharing of every details of our lives, trying to get him to like me (or just have him admit it because I was too damn confident). It went on for a couple of years and when we stopped communicating, it took me two years to get over it. I found someone else, I was happy for awhile until that also didn't work out and once again, I was left alone.

Even though we weren't talking anymore, we still greet each other whenever there are occasions - birthdays for one. When there's any seldom opportunity to send a message, I wouldn't miss it for the world. So on one humid afternoon, I remembered his birthday and sent the customary greeting. He greeted a casual Happy Valentines day in return. Ah shit I forgot the date coincides with this overrated occasion. I don't know what's gotten into me but my reply implied I have no one to celebrate it with but my dog. From then on, our conversations flowed like how it was before.

Initially I wanted to talk to him again to distract me from the pain of having another failed relationship. I kept the conversations light and friendly until I eventually opened up about my recent mishap. Despite what he did before, I never wanted to use him just to get over someone else. I took the time to heal and appreciate the perks of being alone. What surprised me then was how he responded. He's no longer the cold, heartless prick I have known him to be. He's more gentle, warm and caring.

It took a couple of months and when I felt I was ready, we started talking about what happened to us years before. Apparently, my woman's intuition had been right all along. He likes me too, all those years, he was just holding back thinking he wasn't good enough and that I deserve better. Some things happened beyond his control that's why he wasn't able to communicate, and when many months passed, he became too shy to open up a conversation again. He chose to let go when he saw my Facebook stories that I was happy in a new relationship. His feelings are real, his intentions are pure, how could I be so lucky?

I never thought it would ever happen. I lived for many years imagining how it would be like to be more than friends with hm. I played so many scenarios inside my head, and hurt myself in the process. But he came back, healing all the wounds from the past and making up for all the times we lost. I am in euphoria.

I once watched a movie where the main character asks her friend, when you get what you wanted all along, what comes next? The question stay stuck in my head even after the film ended. What's next after this? Going back to what I said previously, I am never used to having things easy. I always embraced the complexity, the thrill of running towards anything fast and moving. I feel like my entire being is made for an endless chase. I couldn't settle, couldn't find peace while staying in one place, with one person for a certain period of time.

What is wrong with me? Most people are contented when a goal is achieved while others create more goals. Some people find peace and joy in the simple things. Most, if not all of us, just wanted to be loved and I am very fortunate enough to be with someone who truly loves and accepts me for everything that I am and even the things I am not. So why do I still feel like running away? Was I so used to being alone that I could not stay with anyone for long? Either they leave because I made them do so or I leave. I once let a good thing go so I definitely do not want to repeat the same mistake. You learn from your past mistakes, not go around in circles with it. This time I should stay and make it work for my own sake.

[joking-suggestions]

albedo nation believers and supporters, here i am for feeding you, and i have a new AU concept:

a brief intro: a royalty AU were albedo, son of the queen rhinedottir, (secretly know as the infamous alchemist gold) is the prince and future ruler of a fantasy-like nation also known as khaenri'ah. since all his elder brothers aren't adequate enough for inherit the throne, this place naturally belongs to him. but albedo isn't interested in such frilly things! he wants to pursue the road of knowledge and become an alchemist, as his mother secretly did. however, this secret is exactly what brought shame and disgrace into their family, the queen won't ever allow him to abdicate and leave the realm all alone, or at the least, that's what the young prince has always thought.

🔸️since he was a child albedo barely talked with his brothers, their mother kept them at distance and far from his reach for strict motivations, such as they weren't like "him". but how? weren't they all sons of rhinedottir? he quite couldn't grab the clear reason, since his mother never talked about it with him. albedo always knew something wasn't totally right, he felt something was off in everyone around him, INCLUDING him. but what was that thing, exactly...? why couldn't he figure it out by himself?

🔸️prince!bedo didn't made any friends either, mostly because he was the prince and no one in town hardly wanted to talk with him for obvious reasons. moreover, he sucked at socially integrating with other people. it's just something he couldn't do right, so the little royal remained alone. within time, prince!bedo only befriended a couple of young scholars; timeus and sucrose, whom he started sharing his interests and secretly studied from his mother with.

now, let's talk about the reader (who will be GN for everyone's sake)

🔸️the reader (they could also be perceived as the traveler if you'd like) in this AU is a mythical creature, probably something like half fairy or half elf or...something in between. after what seems like a mysterious incident they suddenly lost all their memories and doesn't remember anything about their past or about their family. now, the species to which the reader belongs is extremely rare, only heard in the ancient myths. it's a race of incredibly smart beings, naturally inclined to the magic arts and also, naturally easy looking. because of all of that, the reader fell prey in malicious hands who took advantage of their condition; (name) used to have a beautiful pair of wings, but what's left of them is just a damaged one.

🔸️one day, during one of his daily sneakings from the palace, prince albedo goes in a wood for collecting materials and studying wild plants, until a weird noise catch his attention. convinced he's not alone there, the young boy explores the zone around him until...he doesn't find something rather peculiar: a pretty weird creature is not much further away from him, they look sad and tired, as well as severely injured and barely able to move. beside their critical conditions, their unique appareance catches albedo's attention, who quickly gets that the creature isn't probably from there. he quickly tries to approach them, determined to help the poor soul, but the latter immediately gets scared by the stranger, convinced that he wants to hurt them.

🔸️albedo tries his best to let the unlucky creature know that his intention it's to help and help only. the royal also attempts to be softer and gentler in his tone and manners, until the other doesn't eventually starts to feel comfortable around him, willing to let the stranger tending to their injures. after that moment on, prince!bedo will come back many other times for checking out (name)'s health and for changing their bandages. gradually, the reader is starting to trust this kind, still weird boy, with whom they'll form a new friendship. the two grow closer within the days spent below the gentle trees of the wood. albedo learns new useful life tricks from his friend, and (name) learns many interesting facts about the royal palace and other...well, royal stuff. both basically starts to share their lives to each other and spending a lot of time together. in this way, albedo inevitably learns that (name) is now alone, that they don't have a home or family whom coming back to, and he feels bad about that. so, he proposes them to come back to his home with him! in this way they'd have a roof where sleeping below, warm meals at the least three times at day, and a better lifestyle of course! they won't need to hide under the trees anymore, avoiding any outlawers or raw animals. of course the reader is enthusiastic by this idea, beacuse they'd also get to spend more time with their new (and only) friend.

🔸️at this point prince!bedo brings the reader to his palace more than gladly. at a first, the young prince tries to hide his friend from anyone, because he fears that his mother won't ever allow him to keep such a weird creature in their palace, so he wants to talk about it with her without any inconvenience beforehand. i feel that at this point a lot of complications still comes up, such as the reader messing around because everything is just too new in their eyes and they are amazed but still new to everything, difficulties at hiding from the guards (royal!guard dainsleif is particularly hard to deal with and almost caught the prince and his friend more than once) and probably, at the end the queen anyhow discovers their secret. albedo will try everything in his power for convincing her, it will be hard, really hard, but he will succeed. how the queen rhinedottir gave up on this question is a mystery, but at the least the two young friends are now happy. several adventures and mysteries are now awaiting for them, and this is just the beginning...

this is just a concept i came up to, probably i'm going to add more ideas within time but you are free to give new ones or use this AU for your fics if you want it. just credit me, please.💀

link to part two

[sashi-ya]

~💟 Sashi's Valentine's Corner 💟~

🧸Mini Scenario SFW- Roronoa Zoro x Sanji ~ Death Fears Love

a/n: I could tag this as a spoiler for non manga readers, but I'm sure no human who is into OP and specially into Zoro will be reading this is he didn't know about the Grim Reaper situation (even if they are non manga readers) so yeah. But, if you aren't aware about what I am talking about pls be aware of MANGA SPOILERS. What happens next is my own idea/theory turned into a sweet love story. I'm sure Sanji will rescue Zoro from falling, if not him nobody will and the arc will turn into something DARK.

tw: just some blood and fluffiness. Angsty little scenario with a happy ending.

wc: 1.1K

Marimo? Are you still breathing? Huh? Yes… are you worried that if I die you will be alone and in danger? Idiot. I saved your ass and you are telling me I am afraid?

Sanji isn’t sure if this is like Thriller Bark or not, the Swordsman was on the verge of death and he found him… but this time the cook was able to do something besides passing out. Sanji used his sky walk -and thanked in secret his Germa 66 genes for being now so fast- to rescue his friend while falling from Onigashima into a dark abyss.

Zoro, still covered in blood, unable to move, lays next to Sanji’s side over a pile of rocks. Both rest for a little, watching his captain still fight against Kaido up in the sky. They know, maybe, they should go and help him. But it won’t be possible, not in their state. Sanji, feeling a little bit better than Zoro, is too exhausted to even think about doing something else than resting… or maybe, he doesn’t want to move from his side… from the stupid marimo’s side.

Sanji feels curious, though. What has happened to his friend to end up in such a bad state? Who beat him up so badly? “Oi, marimo… What happened?” he asks, trying not to sound like he is trying to mock him. The green haired samurai sighs. He is clearly in pain, and the many cuts and wounds on his body make him feel as if his soul is being ripped apart.

“I had to tame Enma… Apparently, I can use Haki” he mumbles. “Conqueror’s?!” Sanji asks, half amazed, half jealous. “Yeah… then the grim reaper came” Zoro adds, as if the information he was giving was irrelevant.

The cook stayed in silence for some minutes, he was sure Zoro was delirious, yet the wound near his heart might as well have been done by a sickle. “The… grim… reaper?” Sanji asks, with a trembling voice. The blond never feared losing Zoro except during Thriller Bark. He was -secretly- convinced the alcohol pickled marimo is indeed stronger than him, and that’s been a thought that both amazes and haunts him since they fought Kuma.

“Marimo, don’t lie… how did you escape the grim reaper?! Did you fight him?” he asks, a little annoyed because he is sure Zoro was having a hallucination. “I didn’t fight. I wasn’t able to -I still can’t- move. He asked me if I was ready” Zoro mumbles, with some kind of trauma in his words.

Sanji turns to his side; he needs to confirm if his friend was laughing and mocking him after all. But he isn’t. And Zoro’s eyelids are closed and shuttered strongly, as when someone is choking back tears. Sanji felt sorry, and a shivering run through his back… many times he told him to “die already” and now to think he could have been dead by now made him extremely sad.

So damn sad.

“So, how did you escape then? Don’t tell me you got lost on your way to heaven” Sanji dares to joke with a subtle attack towards his friend, because that’s the only way he learned to communicate with Zoro… and yet, he never ever understood why. And Zoro, learned to do the same with time. Every time Sanji flirted with a woman, or when Sanji’s eyes were sad, or even when he was alone cooking, Zoro would pick a fight to get his attention. Just to get his attention…

A dynamic they have that makes people think they hate each other, but do they? Do they actually hate each other?

“I told him I wasn’t ready. And he asked the reasons why” Zoro adds, coughing some blood. Sanji, who is the definition of a gentleman, quickly crawls near his friend and using the remains of his ragged maroon suit sleeve, cleans his mouth.

“And what were the reasons? You wanted to taste more sake?” he jokes, now trying to cheer up his friend. The insides of the cook were a mess, confirming he didn’t lose his feelings because the desperation he feels in his heart now is too high. Zoro is still alive, but for how long?

Zoro smirks, for some reason Sanji’s joke about sake made him happy. “At first I thought about Luffy, but then, I knew he would be the Pirate King even without me” he utters, owning a frown from Sanji. Of course not, not without him. “Then I thought that my dream of being the best swordsman won’t be fulfilled” he continues “but, If I had died there, then that meant I’m a man that could only make it that far”.

Sanji, who has always admired Zoro for being so sure about his dreams, remembered the day he left The Baratie when Zoro stood up in front of Mihawk willing to get killed. And he also remembered those exact same words his friend pronounced in front of Kuma when he was too injured and yet kept fighting. Such a reckless man, so sure of his destiny he wasn’t afraid of dying.

“So… what was the reason, then?” Sanji asks, at this point extremely curious. What could be so strong that even death fears?

“You” Zoro mumbles, after coughing again.

Sanji freezes. “This idiot’s reason to stay alive was me? fighting me?!” he thinks, ignoring the way he was holding Zoro’s hand so tight. “Marimo… you didn’t die because you wanted to fight me?!” he protests, annoyed -and frankly trying to find excuses for the thought on the back of his mind; he loves you, idiot.

“Not to fight you, idiot cook. To protect you” he spits. “HUH?” Sanji complaints in disagreement. “I can protect myself; you know? What’s wrong with you?!”.

Zoro opens his eye, glossy, watery. “Just… for the love of God. Can you stop? Just for now? for some minutes. Stop” he pleaded for his blonde friend to accept what everybody except him was aware of. “I really need you to stop for now, I really… nee-” Zoro begs but his lips got shut all of a sudden.

Lips meeting for the very first time. How much they’ve hurt from the need, from the necessity of being one against each other. So slowly and gently, but so passionate, their mouths melt into one. Feeling weird, but happy, so damn happy Sanji kissed the idiot Marimo.

“Don’t you ever leave me again, idiot cook” Zoro tells him, in between Sanji’s needy kisses. “I’m so sorry” Sanji mumbled, so regretful for putting so many walls in between the two of them. “DON’T FUCKING SCARE ME THIS WAY, NOT ANYMORE. PLEASE”. The cook’s tears fall over Zoro’s countenance, washing away the dried blood.

Smiling and kissing, slowly so slowly, both fall asleep. They were so exhausted, and yet they waited for this before closing their eyes to finally rest… 💖~

[hxlyhead-harpies]

Don’t Call Me Kid (G.W.)

Pairing: George Weasley x Reader

Summary: When her soulmate’s name appears on her wrist on her twentieth birthday, (Y/n)’s heart stings with betrayal when she finds out who it is.

Word count: 2.6k

Warnings: Angst

As the clock slowly ticked towards midnight on the eve of your twentieth birthday, you couldn’t help but feel edgy. Your nerves were tingling and your stomach churned at the thought of what would be revealed on your wrist the moment you turned twenty. It wasn’t that you didn’t want to find out who your soulmate was; you just had no idea who it could be.

There was no one in your life who you felt a strong connection to. No one that gave your stomach the little tug that your parents so fondly described when they told you the story of how they met. And no one had revealed to you that you were their soulmate. You had always hoped that your soulmate was older than you. And that they would find you before you had to anxiously await for a name to be seared into your flesh. But no one had come forward yet. So you went with the assumption that you didn’t know your soulmate.

Of course, there was one person who you had always hoped it would be. It was your best friend’s older brother, George. It was a schoolgirl kind of crush, one that had you writing his last name on your school work and blushing every time he merely looked your way. As a child, you had followed him around like a lost puppy, fantasizing about your name adorning his wrist. But it wasn’t the case. His twentieth birthday had been years ago. You remembered the day very clearly.

You were spending the Easter holiday with the Weasleys, rooming with your best friend, Ginny. She was in your year and you had become fast friends the moment you sat next to each other on the train first year. You and most of the Weasley clan were eating breakfast, anxiously awaiting the twin’s arrival at the table. Fred had been up early, a wide smile informing you all that Angelina Johnson was his soulmate. Molly had clapped and pulled her son into a bone-crushing hug.

Eventually, George had stumbled down the stairs. The bags under his eyes were evident, displaying his lack of sleep, and his hair was disheveled from repeatedly running his fingers through it.

As he stepped into the kitchen everyone froze. Ron’s oatmeal dribbled down his chin as he stared at his brother, impatiently waiting for him to reveal his one true love. Molly’s hand was over her heart and her breathing was shallow as she anxiously awaited for her son to tell her the name of her future in-law.

George looked up to see everyone staring at him and just shook his head, tugging his sleeve farther over his wrist. Molly gasped before pulling her son into a comforting hug and you felt your heart break for him. George’s behavior let everyone know that he didn’t have a soulmate.

It was rare for people to have a blank wrist, though not impossible. Some people were meant to be alone. But you had never imagined that George could possibly be destined for loneliness.

You pushed the thoughts of your old infatuation and focused on the present. It was impossible for him to be your soulmate, the universe had already decided that, so there was no reason to even think of him.

Soon, your wrist began to burn. It wasn’t a terrible feeling; from the descriptions you had heard you assumed it would burn like placing your hand on a flame, instead it burnt like firewhiskey running down your throat. Your eyes watered as the name was carved into your skin, the gravity of the situation finally settling in. You were about to find out who your other half was, the person you were meant to spend your life with. The moment couldn’t be more daunting.

You screwed your eyes shut, not wanting to catch a glimpse of the forming letters until the burning subsided.

When your wrist cooled your eyes fluttered open. You took a deep breath before lifting your wrist up to your face. You read the name. Your world stopped. You couldn’t breathe.

George Weasley

Your mind ran over all of the possible explanations, confused as to how his wrist was blank but yours adorned his name. You came up with only one answer.

Your name was on George’s wrist. But he wished that it wasn’t.

Why else would he go through the trouble of hiding it? Why would he accept the years of pitying looks when he told people that he didn’t have a soulmate? Because he’d rather belong to no one than belong to you.

Hot tears rolled down your face as came to the realization. A moment that should have left you euphoric with happiness, only made you feel emptiness.

It was unfair really, that you had spent years pining after him and years feeling sorry for him, only for him to have been lying to you all along. You had been there when his mother cried for her son and cried for his life of loneliness. You had rubbed his shoulder in an attempt to comfort him when he sulked on the couch for a week. You felt like a fool.

As your mind began to remember all the moments where he had the opportunity to tell you the truth, you only became angry.

Because how dare he keep this from you. You were supposed to be his other half. You quickly wiped away your tears and apparated to the front of his shop.

It was a few minutes after midnight and the shop had been closed for hours. But you knew that he was up there in his flat above the store. You just hoped that he’d be able to hear you bang on the door from all the way up there.

After a few moments of relentless pounding, the door flung open.

“Bloody hell do you know what time it is?” Fred asked as he swung the door open. He caught sight of you and his mouth dropped.

“(Y/N)!” he said, a stunned expression on his face. You crossed your arms.

“Go get George,” you said, letting a small amount of anger to seep into your tone. Fred cast his eyes to the floor. The look he gave you let you know that he knew exactly why you were here. He had been in the same room as George when their soulmates had been revealed. He was probably the only other person in the world that knew about you.

“(Y/n) don’t be mad at him,” Fred said quietly. You scoffed and shook your head.

“How do you expect me to not be angry,” you asked incredulously. Fred just sighed and opened the door wider to let you in.

You hadn’t been inside the shop in years and under better conditions, you might have been able to appreciate the beauty in the chaos of it all. Even in the after hours inventions whizzed past your head.

“I’ll go get him,” Fred said before squeezing your shoulder and climbing up the stairs.

You nervously waited for him, suddenly regretting your decision to show up so abruptly. You hated that you could be so rash at times.

“Happy birthday,” a soft voice called out, interrupting your thoughts. You turned to see George staring at you from the top of the stairs, an unreadable expression on his face. You stiffened at the sight of him, instinctively wrapping your arms around your body as if to shield yourself from him. But that didn’t stop yourself from feeling drawn to him, as if the universe was tugging you towards him.

He slowly descended down the stairs, stopping a few feet in front of you. You stared at the floor, unsure of how to begin.

“(Y/n)...” he whispered softly, coaxing you to meet his eyes. You spoke instead.

“How could you?” you asked, your voice shaking. George let out a sigh.

“You have to understand. I couldn’t tell you,” he said, running a hand through his hair.

“What is that even supposed to mean George?” you asked, “I was right there in your kitchen that day. You could have said something.” George shook his head.

“I had my reasons and you just have to trust that,” he said. You rolled your eyes.

“Am I really that horrible?” you questioned, “so horrible that’d you rather lie and say that you didn’t have a soulmate than admit that it was me.” Your voice cracked. George shook his head and stepped closer to you. He lifted his hand as if he wanted to reach out to you, but he retracted it at the last second.

“That’s not why,” he said softly.

“Then why?” you pushed, angry that he wasn’t telling you what you wanted to know.

“You were just a kid, (Y/n)!” he said, desperation filling his voice. You furrowed your eyebrows.

“What does that have to do with anything?” you asked softly.

“(Y/n) you have to understand… You were sixteen! You were my little sister’s best friend and you were still in school! And I was older and I had the shop!” he explained. You shook your head.

“You still could have told me,” you whispered. George groaned.

“No, I couldn’t! I was out fighting with the order and you weren’t even old enough to use magic outside of school. You were a child,” he explained exasperatedly. You felt your face harden.

“What about now?” you asked bitterly.

“Huh?”

“What about now,” you repeated, “I’m not a child anymore and after everything that happened, I haven’t been for a while. You could have told me at any point over the last few years and you didn’t. Why?” George froze, clearly unsure of how to answer. You felt tears rise to your eyes at his silence, taking it as confirmation of his rejection. You took one last look at him and stormed out.

Two weeks later you’re standing outside the Burrow. Ginny and Harry’s engagement party was in full swing but you had no desire to be there. Sure, you wanted to be there for your best friend, but you knew George would be there and you weren’t ready to face him. He hadn’t attempted to contact you in the time since you’d seen him and the rejection stung. So you stuck to the same lie that he had; you told everyone that you were soulmateless. You took a deep breath and fiddled with the leather band that covered George’s name and stepped inside.

The Burrow was loud and bustling with people. Family members and school friends filled the space, leaving barely any room to breathe. People shot you sad smiles as you pushed through the crowd, all of them having heard of your predicament. You ignored them as you searched for Ginny.

Eventually, you found her near the kitchen, leaning against Harry, his hand on her waist. Your smile dropped for a moment, jealousy rippling through your body. It was the kind of quiet intimacy that you wanted with your soulmate. With George.

Ginny looked up and caught your eye, making her way over to wrap you in a hug.

“There you are!” she exclaimed, “it’s not like you to be late I was getting worried.”

“Sorry about that!” you apologized. Ginny just shook her head and dragged you over to where she had been standing. She snaked an arm around Harry’s waist, jumping right back into the conversation.

Harry was talking to Fred and Angelina about quidditch when you arrived. You sent them a quick wave and Angelina sent you a warm smile. Fred sent you an apologetic look which you ignored. You tried to immerse yourself in the conversation but you kept catching yourself scanning the room for George. You felt Ginny nudge your shoulder.

“You alright?” she whispered just loud enough for you to hear. You sent her a quick smile and a nod, hoping to convince her that you were fine. You subconsciously pulled your sleeve down farther.

As the party wore on you couldn’t seem to spot George. You didn’t know why you kept looking for him, it was obvious that he didn’t want to see you anyway.

You made your way into the kitchen, hoping you could pour yourself a drink. As soon as you stepped in you froze. There he was, leaning against the countertop, a glass in his hand. His eyes met yours and his body tensed. He seemed to be in just as bad of shape as you; he had evident eye bags under his eyes and his clothes were rumpled and unkempt.

You sent him a polite smile before grabbing a glass from the cabinet. You walked across the kitchen to where the bottle of firewhiskey was sitting, which was, unfortunately, very close to George. You reached for the bottle but you were interrupted by him grabbing your wrist. You looked up, shocked, only to see him staring down at the leather band that covered his name, running his fingers over it.

“I’m so sorry,” he said quietly, his breath fanning across your face. You pulled your wrist back.

“Whatever George,” you replied, “it’s in the past now.” George screwed his eyes shut and ran a hand over his face.

“But what if I don’t want it to be in the past,” he whispered. You stared at him, your mouth agape.

“What?” you whimpered. He reached for your hand again and you let him hold it.

“I don’t want to pretend that it never happened,” he said breathily, “I don’t want to pretend that we aren’t made for each other.” You scoffed slightly.

“Why the sudden change of heart?” you asked, bitterness seeping into your voice. George lifted your hand up so it was resting on his heart. You could feel it hammering in his chest.

“When I first found out that we were soulmates I didn’t tell you for all the reasons that I said. We were at different stages of our lives and I didn’t want to spring that on you. But then… But then as you got older I just- I didn’t know what to say. How could I tell you something like that after hiding it so long? I spent so long trying to figure out how to tell you but then time just caught up with me and it was too late,” he said, a new intensity in his eyes.

“George…” you whispered. He shook his head and spoke.

“Let me finish. Please,” he pleaded. You nodded your head. “Every time I saw you, you became more and more beautiful and more and more as I had always imagined my soulmate to be. You laugh at my stupid jokes and you always know what to say and you’re so much smarter than me… I couldn’t hope for a better other half than you,” he finished. You stared into his warm eyes, trying to decipher if he meant what he said. You could still feel his heart racing under your hand and his eyes were slowly filling with tears.

“Please forgive me,” he breathed. Without thinking you leaned up on your tiptoes and kissed the corner of his mouth. You stepped back, removing your hand from his heart and wrapping your arms around yourself. He stared at you, shock written all across his face.

“You’re my soulmate, George,” you whispered, “I can’t stay mad at you forever.” George smiled widely before stepping forward and scooping you up into a hug.

“Thank you,” he muttered into your hair. The two of you stayed like that for a moment. Your body flushed against his, his hands wrapped around your waist and yours slinked around his neck. When you pulled back you spoke.

“I understand why you didn’t tell me at first,” you admit, “I was just a kid.” He brushed a strand of hair from your face.

“But you’re not anymore and I should have told you sooner. I’ll never forgive myself for the years I wasted without you,” he said softly. You smiled shyly at him, seemingly returning to the schoolgirl crush that you had harbored for years.

“I’m glad it’s you,” You said. George smiled at the ground.

“I’m glad too.”

[lemonlurkrr]

@aureateart​ ok. My favourite parts of twilight princess  (and some other random thoughts about TP sprinkled in there) taken from my monster TP word vomit google doc :

Link lmao

Ok but for real, I like this incarnation of Link :)

I love Ordon (it just seems like such a chill and cozy village)

ALSO love how easy it is to interpret Link as being a sort of older brother figure to the Ordon kiddos. It’s just,, super cute? AND GHHH nice nice good thanks nintendo for giving me characters to care about/characters that I can imagine Link caring about

He didn’t sign up for any of this (tbh, none of the Links really signed up for this jshdjsd). But I mean like, dude was just going to take a trip to castle town, drop a gift off for the royal family, and come back. But haHA oopsies he did get to castle town eventually but definitely not the way he expected hsjdhsd

He’s just a little dude?

AND FUCK. HE REALLY HAD NEVER BEEN OUTSIDE OF ORDON UNTIL ALL OF THAT

everything is new for the player AND Link

Midna

She’s cool :)

she really just

*teleports into your jail cell* hello whore.

I am no master at writing but AYYYY she do got a character arc!!!

She was actually pretty helpful sometimes, I ALWAYS checked in with her before turning to a game guide

Other NPCs

NICE

Love all of the TP character designs (ASHEI’S ARMOUR??? AOWOAOAOOAO)

Saving Zelda and all of Hyrule was important yea but thinking back maybe it was more like, the Ordonians and the kids were what was pushing Link to keep on going

I like the Resistance members :) Very video gamey of them to have one NPC assigned to each dungeon but hey!!! Kinda cool getting to see a little glimpse of each of em

Idk, it’s just fun to imagine Link popping into Telma’s bar after each dungeon and taking a little rest :) (or to celebrate? maybe just chat, idk, give this man some downtime!!)

Honestly it was just kind of nice that Link wasn’t entirely alone. I mean, I know Midna was there the whole time, but I am always for giving Link a big group of friends (see my love for hyrule warriors, age of calamity, and LU LMAO)

Hero’s shade, very very cool, kinda sad he died with regrets but HEY. He got to pass on his knowledge eventually

AND the connection to OoT?? AND assumed to be related by blood too????? GOOD SHIT

Ilia, I REALLY really wanted to like her (er, it’s not like I dislike her, she’s just,,, kinda there for me).

It definitely seems like Nintendo was pushing to make her the romantic interest, but GHHHHH they really threw that out of the window for me by having her lose her memories

I saw a text post a while ago that said it would have been interesting if Ilia was Link’s sister instead and YES!! That would have been cool too :0

Wish we got to know Zelda a little more

I feel like we barely know anything about her

Idk man, like I said earlier, I never really had any sort of drive to save Zelda during my playthroughs

She obviously knows Midna, so maybe if they gave us just a little bit more of that relationship I’d be more interested in her?

TP WORLD BUILDINGGGG

Botw has good world building too, but each race felt kinda,,, isolated? I absolutely love the different architecture and vibe each town has (and all the the weapons too) but ghhh yea everyone felt so separated. As far as I can remember, we don’t see tooo much of the races interacting with each other? Now that I’m typing that out maybe that’s to be expected because of the calamity but KLSJDKJFD ANYWAYS THIS IS ABOUT TP

The world feels nice and alive, love how populated everything is

Castle town I like castle town a lot, it feels dense and busy and I really like how you can’t talk to every NPC you see

Very cool very fun that we got to see the Gorons hanging out in multiple spots

kinda wish we got to see the Zoras a little more (I guess they are a bit limited since they need water but GHHHH the tp zoras are so prebby,,)

BUT HEY, I do remember seeing a zora or two hanging out in the hot springs around death mountain after beating the lakebed temple (I think, might have been a different dungeon) 

but aaaa would have been nice to see them in at least a couple of other places. I think it would have really added to the “congrats Link!! You’re restoring peace to Hyrule” feeling you get from seeing the Gorons hanging out in Kakariko and Castle Town

ORDON

Love how chill it is and how it’s kind of separate from Hyrule proper

They really do seem to be doing their own thing apart from the rest of Hyrule

Just kinda adds onto the “he’s just a regular dude minding his own business” kind of vibes I get from TP Link

Also I like Ordona :)

THE LIGHT SPIRITS,,

Love their design

And love how they’re not exactly like a pure white?

Different spirit representing each aspect of the triforce my beloved

But yes hi I think Ordona is very cool

Who are you, how did you get here, which goddess do you represent? Do you even represent one of the three golden goddesses? Do the Ordonians know about you? Have any of them ever SEEN you??? Do they worship you? Does anybody even know about the existence of the light spirits?? FUCK so many questions but ghhh I like how they broke the status quo a bit by throwing in a fourth spirit :)

I feel like this one is kinda weird but I like that voice sample they used in the light spirit music. It’s spooky and pretty at the same time :)  

cutscenes mmmmm

Ok ok, the spooky lanayru cutscene is very good

BUT THE “Link, Chosen Hero! Lend us the last of your power!” CUTSCENE MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM LOVE IT SO MUCH

IT just

Idk man

It just hit different

I like the music

And seeing the light spirits swimming around in the light juice water whatever it is

Summoning the light arrows?

AND HHHHH “Lend us the last of your power!” THIS IS IT. This is the final battle.

Seeing Zelda bow down, and then Link putting his hand out 👌👌👌

Link: ok bud, let’s do this together :)

Connection to OoT (did I already mention this? Maybe., Whatever)

Very cool nintendo :)

I love seeing connections between all the diff zelda games.

Because like, on one hand, they’re all separate from each other because of yknow, individual hero stuff. BUT ALSO, they’re all connected because of the reincarnation stuff

Grrrr walking through the sacred grove and going “The Hero of Time walked around here a long time ago” FUCK THATS SO COOL

Is the Hero’s Shade watching me? What does he think of me? DIsappointed? Proud? The Hero of Time went through HELL so this timeline didn’t have to deal with any of the shit Ganon was gonna pull with the triforce, better not fuck this UP Link!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Midlink is cute

Kinda hurts that she smashed the mirror but that was probably so Nintendo didn’t have to worry about people going “but what about the twili??????” for any of the other games LMAO

BUT ALSO LIKE SKJDKLJFJ There are some pretty massive plot holes in TP anyway so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ whatever it’s fine we’ll just use this for angst because GOD do y’all like angst

So is Shadlink

Honestly don’t know where this ship came from but it’s cute so whatever

THE MUSIC??

Love Midna’s theme and how they referenced the dark world theme from ALttP (I remember trying to learn the dark world theme on the piano and doing the Leonardo DiCaprio point meme at the little jingle I recognized from Midna’s theme)

Hyrule field theme SLAPS.

Apparently references a couple of the other over-world themes from the previous zelda games (I got this from 8-bit Music theory’s video on the over-world zelda themes, he talks about TP at around 11:40 but def recommend watching the whole video if you’re into music analysis stuff)

So there’s this bit of the Hyrule Field theme, I don’t know the official name for it but I remember seeing somewhere it being called the “at an advantage theme” since yeah, you hear it during the boss music whenever you expose their weak points. FUCKINGGG LOVE THAT. Didn’t notice it during my first playthrough, but hearing it during my second was like a little easter egg for my ears every time :)

Midna’s lament is very pretty (and fun to play on the piano)

COURAGE THEME.

I didn’t care for it too much when I started playing the game but hearing it in ZREO’s arrangement of the Hyrule Field theme literally makes me turn into a puddle of emotions. Also hearing it around and of the Ordon kids (I think it plays after Link saves Colin) AAAAAAAAAAAAA

Orchestra piece #1 and #2 HOLY SHIT???????????????? 

Literally, the first time I listened to those I just,,,, plugged in my headphones, volume 100, layed on the floor/against my desk and silently vibed. I don’t know what the hell it is, but those two just fit so well with TP?? I still avoid listening to them nowadays cause if I DO I definitely will get overwhelmed with the “god I love this game so FUCKING MUCH” kind of feels.

Wolf link sucks at singing

the first time I heard him howling Zelda’s Lullaby I lost my shit because LKSJLDKSGLKJFSKG god that was.,, Bad. Anyways, hearing him howl some of the songs from OoT was cute :)

TP STAFF ROLL??? 

VERY GOOD. IT’s like 10 minutes long and GOD do I love every single second of it. It doesn’t have the same energy as the skyward sword staff roll or the orchestra pieces but GOD does it hit good??

Nice and calm after that big exciting adventure. Maybe it would have been more fun or emotional to have a higher energy piece but it was really nice getting to sit back and watch the camera fly around Hyrule. Seeing like, the Gorons and the Zoras having a good time, the kids returning to Ordon? GOOD SHIT.

and AAAAA that end, when you hear the main Zelda theme and see Link riding off out of Faron woods on Epona… good shit. It gets you thinking, where the hell is he going? What is he doing? Off ot do more adventuring? Going to help out the resistance or something? Going to help Zelda? Or maybe he’s trying to figure out a way to restore the mirror of twilight? Whoooo knows.

hhHHHHhhh it’s just that final reminder that YES!!! YOU JUST PLAYED A ZELDA GAME. JUST ANOTHER STORY APART OF THE WHOLE EPIC OF THE ZELDA SERIES AS A WHOLE

I also want to acknowledge the instrument/samples they used for all the twili stuff.

They’re all just so unique and contrast SO well with the rest of the TP OST. LIKE FUCK!! Anytime I hear the screech from the Twilit Kargarok? Sends a shiver down my spine. I associate those sounds SO strongly with the twili realm. (Like, the same way you associate the BSHEWW VVWWMMM sounds with light sabers)

I love it so god damn much

literally any time there’s a certain sound or motif associated with something I lose my shit

Sacred grove sacred grove sacred gro-

lovely lovely lovely so much fun playing that on the piano. AND again, I did the Leonardo DiCaprio pointing meme when I heard the theme from the lost woods come in GHHHHHHHH

shoutout to TP Faron Woods for helping me study and get through all of my schoolwork

BLEGUUHHH can you tell that I really love music?

and also yea I guess TP is kinda cool too :\

IF YOU READ ALL OF THAT THANKS I GUESS

[iceeckos12]

A time travel au. angst and h/c. inspired by this post

Warnings: jon’s very low self-esteem

“What do you think of him?” Jon suddenly asks, staring blankly at the wall of the breakroom.

Tim pauses in the middle of chewing his sandwich to give him a long, considering look.

He’s mostly decided to suspend his disbelief until further notice, simply to keep from losing his mind. What else is one supposed to do when future versions of Jon and Martin, who are also apparently dating, tell you that your workplace is currently involved in a plot to end the world? Ideally he would’ve processed one big revelation at a time, but apparently they don’t have time for that, so goodbye grip on reality, it was nice knowing you. I’ll hit the restart button as soon as things start making sense again.

Tim wipes his hand across his mouth, swallows, and asks, “You mean Jon II?”

Jon rolls his eyes, like Tim’s being obtuse on purpose just to annoy him. “Yes, I mean...him. Me. Jon II.” Then his nose wrinkles amusingly, the same way it always does whenever he says the moniker. He’s hated it since the beginning, but it was a battle he quickly lost, what with all three of his assistants opposing him.

Normally, Tim wouldn’t have thought twice about shrugging and answering, but...Jon’s been uncharacteristically quiet lately. Oh sure, he’d blushed up a storm upon learning that his future self and Martin were dating, and he’d expressed his own misgivings at the beginning, but...since then he’s been eerily, silently watchful. In Tim’s experience, when presented with this sort of puzzle Jon generally buries himself in research, and doesn’t emerge until he’s good and ready to do so.

There’s something else on his mind.

So Tim puts down his sandwich and gives himself a moment to think carefully through his response. “I mean...he’s a lot like you, obviously. But he seems…” What’s a polite way to say, the trauma and the boyfriend seems to have made him a little more easygoing? He certainly smiles more freely than he ever has, which...honestly, makes Tim want to cry sometimes. How horrible, that so much abject cruelty had just made him more kind. “...tired. A little less high-strung?”

“I see,” Jon says, turning his mulish gaze to his curry, dragging his spoon through the thick sauce.

Tim waits a beat longer, but when nothing else seems forthcoming he prompts, “Why do you ask?”

Jon’s reaction is only to press his lips into a thin, tight line. Tim knows this mood; he’s weighing how insecure he’ll look if he says whatever’s actually bothering him out loud, versus how much he wants someone else to hear it. Pushing him now will only make him clam up, so Tim just waits.

Tim’s patience is rewarded when Jon blurts, “But you like him. You...you all do.”

“Yes,” Tim says slowly, because it’s true. Martin’s so enamoured with a Jon that actually likes him that he keeps bringing him tea just to get another glimpse of that gentle, thankful smile, just to strike up another conversation about nothing. Sasha has decided that he’s the most interesting thing that’s ever happened to her, and insists on consulting him whenever she reads a new true statement.

Tim’s personally a little unnerved by the awful, sad way future Jon looks at him sometimes, or the way he flinches back whenever someone tries to touch him without warning. But he’d taken Tim aside and quietly explained everything he knew about what happened to Danny, so.

Oh, Tim thinks, feeling like an idiot for not realizing it sooner. Jon may be an old hand at fooling others with his grumpy persona, but Tim knows that he’s just using it to hide his massive inferiority complex. “Wait, are you jealous?”

Jon ducks his head, and his ears darken. Gotcha, Tim thinks. 

“Jon, you know that that’s still you, right?” he explains gently, quietly relieved that it’s not something more complicated. “We like him just as much as we like you, because you’re the same person.”

“But he’s not the same, is he?” Jon protests. “Look at the scars on his neck, on his hand. And he has panic attacks, and he flinches at loud noises, and, and—”

He breaks off, biting down hard on his lip, threading a hand through his hair.

Tim stares at him, feeling off-kilter, like he missed a step coming down the stairs. That doesn’t sound like jealousy. “...Jon?”

Jon shakes his head, his breath escaping him in thready, devastated gasps.

He can’t tell what’s going on in Jon’s head, and it’s starting to scare him. “I can’t help you if you don’t tell me what’s wrong.”

Jon just sits there for a moment long, tugging at his hair, staring sightlessly at the middle distance. Tim gently untangles his fingers, giving him something a little more solid to hold onto.

“You all like him,” he says at last. “You all...he’s so kind, and he’s funny, and you like him, because someone hurt him first. He’s different—we’re different—because someone cut our throat and burned our hand, and you like him better.”

Tim’s horrified. “Jon—”

“Should I accept that?” he continues, the words flooding from him like a dam finally exploding in a shower of groaning wood and weathered stone. “Do I—how do I carry on knowing that I could be the person I want to become, if only I give myself to monstrosity, if only I let myself be hurt like that?”

“Of course we’re not going to let that happen to you!” Tim interrupts, voice higher and more frightened than he meant it to be. He’s applying duct tape to a raging river. He has no fucking idea how to fix this. “You don’t deserve—”

“Don’t I?” Jon demands, whirling on him, eyes flashing. “Don’t I deserve to be happy? Or am I unworthy of even this kind of improvement? Am I doomed to be like this forever?” Tears well in his eyes, spill over. “Don’t I deserve it?”

And then he slowly, inevitably, dissolves into tears, his slim shoulders shaking as he curls over and buries his face in his elbow. Tim drapes an arm across his back, angling his body so he can gently tuck Jon’s head against his shoulder. He doesn’t know what else he’s supposed to do. Even if Jon were in any shape to hear it, he has no idea how to fix this.

Tim could tell him that he and Martin and Sasha all think that he’s fine the way he is, and it’s the stress of an apparently eldritch job that’s causing him to push people away, but he doubts Jon would believe it. Words mean nothing when actions have been screaming something entirely different all this time, and Jon’s always been more observant than they give him credit for.

“Oh, Jon,” he whispers when the tears finally start to slow, dropping a kiss onto silver and black hair. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know that you felt that way.”

Jon pulls away and shrugs, averting his reddened eyes. Tim squeezes his elbow to prevent him from retreating entirely. They sit like that for a moment, Jon going very still and very tense under Tim’s hand, settling into the vulnerability like an open wound.

“I’m sorry,” Jon says finally, sniffing heavily. He’s aiming for his usual brusque, dry tone, but his voice is shaking, and he’s not fooling anyone. “That was unprofessional of me.”

Before Tim can stop himself, an incredulous laugh rips out of him. “Jon,” he says quickly, “We’re well beyond professional. You know that, right? You don’t have to hide from me.”

Jon flushes. “Yes, well—it was unfair for me to put this on you, as your fr—as…” His expression goes all fragile and uncertain, and Tim’s heart aches.

“It’s not unfair,” Tim corrects gently. “As your friend,” and here he pauses for emphasis, “I want to know when you’re feeling like this.”

“Oh,” Jon murmurs, then straightens and scrubs the teartracks from his cheeks. “Oh.”

Tim nods reassuringly, takes a deep breath, and makes an educated guess. “I know you’re scared, Jon. We all are. This place is...horrible, and seeing what you went through is...terrifying. I can’t imagine how that must be for you.” He lets his eyes flicker up. Jon’s still watching him, rapt, and good, good. I haven’t lost him. “I won’t deny that he’s getting along with Sasha and Martin quite well, but...but that’s not because of what he—you—went through. It’s because….right now, you’re pushing people away because you’re scared, but he’s already done that. He knows that pushing people away just means you end up alone. It doesn’t mean he’s a better person, just that he’s a little wiser.”

“But how can you be sure?” Jon asks, leaning forward, eyes big and desperate.

“I mean, I wouldn’t have become your friend if I didn’t like you,” Tim admits unashamedly.

His bold honesty is rewarded by Jon flushing and ducking his head.

“But even so,” he continues, sobering, “Even if you were the worst person on the planet—and you’re not—you wouldn’t deserve to be hurt like that, no matter what the outcome. Does that make sense?”

Jon looks thoughtful as he says, “I—yes. Yes, that makes sense.”

He can tell though, that Jon doesn’t quite believe him. That’s okay—honestly, it’s what he was expecting. Tim’s been running headfirst into the wall that is Jon’s terrible self-esteem for as long as they’ve been friends. This problem is going to take more than one half-assed pep talk.

That’s okay, though. Jon’s worth the effort.

[atticsandwitch]

Obey me characters with an MC who does reckless things because they're afraid of being a burden.

Self indulgent, comfort, angst Less headcannons, more drabbles.

First, in a group chat without MC: House of Lamentation (7) Satan: I just found MC in the kitchen, trying to open a can with a chef knife. Mammon: WHAT Mammon: Why would they wanna do something like that?? Asmo: (Wide eyed emoji) Belphie: Yea, that's stupid even for Mammon Mammon: HEY! Satan: They couldn't find the can opener, and they said they didn't want to bother anyone. Levi: That's actually kind of cute. Levi: It's just like the main character of this anime I just started watching who acts really tough and independent, but deep down is afraid to ask for help and just wants to be loved! Satan: That's not all Lucifer: it's not? Satan: Solomon saw MC yesterday climbing the bookshelves in the RAD library. Satan: Apparently they'd reached the sixth shelf before he could levitate them and the book they needed back to the ground. Beel: Are all humans like this? Lucifer: No. It seems we've found a particularly troublesome one. Levi: Actually I saw them do something similar earlier this week. Asmo: Oh no. Asmo: I bet Mammon's having a heart attack rn Mammon: (sweaty nervous emoji) Levi: They were standing on the counter trying to reach something on the top of the cabinets waaaay in the back. Belphie: That's not that bad Levi: They were also standing on an upside down pot because they were still too short. Levi: and they were wearing heels. Lucifer: Everyone, make sure to keep an eye on MC as often as possible

Lucifer

Sighs out loud reading the group chat

"And here I thought I would just have to protect MC from demon attacks"

He decides to have a talk with you once he gets a little time, and not just about safety. He has a whole lecture planned out about climbing the book cases at RAD.

Unfortunately he's swamped with paperwork and bills to go through, so he doesn't have the chance to talk to you right away.

The next day, however, you're all invited to the Demon Lord's Castle for another overnight retreat, or event of some sort.

Everyone is having fun and causing a ruckus, as usual, and at some point during the evening the group loses you.

You excuse yourself to go to the bathroom, but the palace is so huge you get lost even with directions. At a certain point you know you can find your way back and ask for help, but you can't bring yourself to, and decide to press on to try to find it yourself.

Eventually you find yourself standing in front of an ornate mirror with no reflection. You stop and ponder it for a moment, and as you're about to step away you hear a whisper. You can't make out what it says, but it compels you to step closer. In a corner of the reflected room you notice what looks like a puppet made of bone, with blackened eyes.

"~MC~..." An ethereal whisper, "...c...l...oser..." and in a blink of your eye it's closer to you, and you've stepped closer without realizing it.

Your heart is racing, but you can't stop yourself from reaching out to the mirror. Is it really a mirror...? Another blink and the bone puppet is closer. It tilts it's head at you, and outstretches an arm.

You try to pull back, but realize you can't, you're now mirroring the actions of the puppet as it steps closer, and closer.

Suddenly your vision goes black and you're pulled backwards by the waist, away from the mirror.

After a moment, Lucifer removes his gloved hand from over your eyes, and spins you to face him. He looks worried, frightened almost, but soon regains his composure.

"I thought you were going to the bathroom, MC" He says

It takes you a second to form words again, "I... I was.... I got lost" You had to really think hard about it for a moment.

Lucifer sighs, "You know the castle can be dangerous. If you weren't sure where to go, why not ask someone to show you?"

You were feeling particularly vulnerable after what had just happened, and so decided to be deeply honest, "I'm afraid of being a burden..." you mumble.

He's surprised by the admission, but pulls you close.

"Of all the burdens I've had to shoulder in this life, I promise that you are not one of them, MC" He whispers into your hair as he kisses the top of your head.

Mammon

Immediately goes to find you after he finishes reading the group chat.

He finds you doing something dangerous with a knife again, and grabs your wrist to stop you.

"Oi, human!" He only calls you that when he's angry, which is rare, "What do ya think yer doin'?"

"I'm just-" he cuts you off

"I don' wanna hear it!"

"Then why did you ask?" you're stare at him. Mammon's face reddens and he realizes he's still holding your wrist, so he gently takes the knife out of your hand and sets it down.

"I mean- What's goin' on with ya lately? Everyone says yer doin' a buncha dangerous stuff!" He put his hands on his hips and only resumes eye contact as he finishes his sentence.

"What do you-?"

"Like climbin' bookshelves, and whatever this is-!" He gestures to the knife and you look away. You're silent for a while; too long for Mammon to take, "C'mon, MC, talk to me" His voice finally softens, arms dropping to his sides. You finally meet his eyes, and the look of concern on his face is heartbreaking.

"I like doing things myself..." you can tell he's not buying it, "I... I just don't want to be a burden..." You admit quietly, voice wavering somewhat.

His eyes go wide, "...MC..." he says softly. Mammon pulls you in for a tight hug, one arm wrapping around your shoulders, and the other hand resting on the back of your head, and holds you like he'd do anything in the world to protect you, which he would.

"Listen up, 'cuz Mammon's gonna give you some free advice" you hear a sniffle, and realize he's crying.

His human was hurting like this, and he never even noticed. What kinda demon am I? He thought, but he knew this wasn't about him right now, so he held you tighter.

"You will never be a burden to me...Ya got that?"

Leviathan

Thinks its pretty adorable that you actually seem to be a little tsundere.

Because of this, and his social anxiety, he doesn't confront you about it right away. Not until the jellyfish incident anyway.

One night you're hanging out with Levi in his room, when you notice that one of his jelly fish decorations had fallen to the ground. So, you decide to string it back up for him.

You looked around, Levi absorbed in his game, and tried to judge the distance between the edge of the bed-tub and the ceiling. That should do it! you think, and climb the edge of the bed-tub. The edge was difficult to balance on, but you knew you'd be careful, and you could almost reach.

Levi turned around just in time to see you, arms stretched too far over your head and on your tip toes on the edge of the tub, and watched as you lose balance completely. He saw it, you were going to fall backwards toward the other side of the tub and crack your head!

Now, he may not be as fast as Mammon, but he is still a demon after all, and just as you felt the jolt of the fall as your foot slipped, you felt arms around your middle, pulling you forcefully forward.

Leviathan had jumped to your rescue, unconsciously changing into his demon form, discarding his controller unceremoniously to the floor, and in his panic underestimated his own strength.

The two of you ended up both landing on the floor, you on top of a very red Leviathan.

"Wh-wh-what were you doing normie?! You were about to fall and crack your skull on the tub!"

You guiltily hold up the jellyfish, "I was just trying to fix it"

"Well get a ladder next time!" It's taking everything in Levi to ignore the position your both in, because its' just like that time in- nevermind, this is more important.

"All you had to do was say something! I was sitting right there!" He still hasn't let you go. He sees the look on your face change into something he can't quite get a read on, but whatever it is, is also full of sadness. "You could have died just then, MC. Why wouldn't you just ask for some help?" His voice is softer, "I was right there" and softer still, almost desperate.

"I..." He could tell whatever you were about to say was difficult for you, "I'm just so afraid of being a burden"

He's heartbroken, "You're my best friend, my player two, my Henry th-the- the person I love" He goes red again and quickly continues as if to bury the words beneath more words, "You're a lot of things, MC, but you're not a burden"

Asmodeous

Worrying is bad for the skin. Worrying is bad for the skin. Worrying is bad for the skin. But he can't help it.

One night you get home particularly late, and none of the brothers have seen you. They were about to send out a search party when you finally came home.

When he finds out you walked home alone again, and were so late because you got lost, that's when he finally decides to confront you.

"You walked home alone again? And took WHICH street?! MC don't you know how dangerous it is for a human in the Devildom, especially one with no real magical powers? Not to mention in that area!"

How were you supposed to know? You were lost. He knows these things, but doesn't give you a chance to point them out.

"Beel saw you leave right after classes. If you were so lost why didn't you call one of us?" he asks. The worry and exasperation is plain in his voice.

"I..." you start, "I didn't want to bother anyone that's all" but he can tell there's more to it than that.

"Why are you so worried about bothering us? Don't you know we care about you?" He asks, concern slowly turning to sadness.

"I just don't want to be a burden..."

His eyes go wider than before, which you didn't think was possible. "What in the three realms would give you the idea that you're a burden? MC, you're so precious to me, and if anything were to ever happen, I-"

He begins welling up with tears and pulls you into a tight hug.

"MC, I was worried sick. We all were. Please... Come to me when you need help... I love you"

Satan

He walked in and found you trying to use a chef knife to open a can, brought you the can opener, and ultimately left; not entirely sure what to make of the situation yet.

The next time he saw you, you were climbing on top of an unsteady looking stack of books to reach something in the House's library.

Were those one of his stacks? Had you stacked them yourself? It didn't matter. What mattered was that the books all began slipping out from under you.

He rushed over, and caught you with ease as you fell, but your momentum ended up knocking you both to the ground.

He sighs, "What am I going to do with you?"

"Sorry, " you let out an embarrassed laugh, "Are you okay?"

"Yea, and you?" he asks. You nod, and he helps you up. To his confusion you immediately begin stacking the books back up.

"What do you think you're doing?" He asks, suspicious. It looks like you're about to try to climb the stack again.

"There's a book I need" He was right.

This must be how Lucifer feels. He sighs again, and grabs your hand to stop you.

"You can't keep doing stuff like this, MC. It's dangerous" He looks serious, but his cheeks are a little pink, "I'm worried about you. Why won't you ask for help?"

"I..." You start, but hesitate, averting your eyes.

"Tell me the truth, MC" Satan almost pleads, a sad look in his eyes.

"I don't want to be a burden... that's all..." You say, so quietly it's almost a sigh.

Suddenly it all made sense; the way you tried to hide when you were upset, how you always carried just a little too much, the way you always offered to help, even if there was little work to do... Why hadn't he put the pieces together before now?

"Then, I need you to do something for me" He says, after thinking a moment. He steps closer, "I need you to start asking for help,"

He pulls you close, and hugs you tightly, "I know it'll be difficult, but that's why I'll always be there for you"

He pulls away slightly, still holding you, to look into your eyes. His face is very red now, "I'll do whatever it takes to show you that you're not a burden," Kindness and determination burn in his eyes as he leans in for a kiss.

Beelzebub

He was walking down the hall when he spots you down at the other end near an open window.

The wind blew something out of your hand, so you leaned out the window to try to grab it. This is when Beel got worried, his instincts kicked in and he picked up his pace.

Your homework got caught by the wind, but stopped by some of the vines clinging to the House of Lamentation, so you leaned out the window but it was just out of reach. You knew you could get it if you could reach just a little further, so you lean out a little more... Just a little more...

Unfortunately that's when you lost balance, and felt yourself tip forward. You'd be out the window in no time flat, and then you'd be flattened on the ground.

Thankfully Beel was able to grab you by the waist and hoist you back inside to safety.

You thank him, and explain the situation but he still looks confused.

"Why wouldn't you just come get one of us? We could've easily gotten it down for you" he asks.

"I thought I'd be able to reach" you try, with an embarrassed and unconvincing smile.

"Tell me the truth, MC. Why are you so afraid to ask for help?"

"I don't want to be a burden..." You say softly, sadness written plainly on your face and in your voice.

"Oh" You look up and the sad, sympathetic look Beel gives you makes you want to cry. "I know the feeling"

"You do?" You ask, tears beginning to spill over

"You think I don't know how many problems my stomach causes for everyone?" He gives you a slightly more serious look, "But that doesn't matter" And now a reassuring, although still slightly sad smile, "Because the people who love and care about you will never think of you as a burden. And trust me, MC, there are plenty of people who love and care about you"

"Like who?" You didn't want to ask, part of your brain knew the answer, but you just had to silence those negative voices.

Beel blushed, "Like me" he says, then silently wipes the tears from your face and pulls you into the softest, safest hug you've ever felt.

Belphegor

He wasn't worried at all initially. Sure humans are fragile compared to demons, but they're not that fragile. Plus you've survived this long on your own and now you've got demons, angels, a prince, and a sorcerer all looking out for you. Not to mention the way brothers' tend to exaggerate.

He was laying outside under a large tree, intending to try out a new nap spot, when he saw you leaning out of the window.

He smiled and was about to wave when he realized something was wrong. You were leaning too far out of the window. You were going to-

He jolted upright like he'd been hit by lightning as he watched you lose your balance

He already knew there was no way he'd be able to make it to you in time, even with demonic speed.

Thankfully Beel was there. Belphie let out a breath he didn't realize he was holding when he saw Beel pull you back inside and got up to go make sure you're alright.

He realizes his brothers were right to be worried, and he's angry about it.

You're on your way back to your room by the time he catches up with you, but he can see that your eyes are red from crying, and his anger evaporates. He asks you what's wrong, and you explain everything.

Why you almost fell out the window, your conversation with Beel, and how you're afraid of being a burden.

"Well, Beel's right, you could never be a burden to any of us" He says, so don't even worry about it" he says, giving you an easy smile, despite how sad he felt for his human.

"That's... Easier said than done..." You reply, unconvinced.

"That's why I'll always be by your side, MC. I won't even give you the chance to worry about it!"

He pulls you into a hug and strokes your hair, starting the waterworks all over again. He'll hold you until you've calmed down again, and then pull you up to the attic where you two can make a pillow fort and nap.

He'll probably also start a tickle fight just to hear you laugh again.

Btw, who made you feel this way, MC, he just wants to murder torture talk.

Diavolo

Lucifer has shared his concerns, as he often does, so Diavolo is aware of your reckless nature. He finds it somewhat amusing, but mostly concerning.

It's during one of the events that he finally witnesses it for himself.

He always found it sweet how you tried to help everyone, and you were doing it again. You were running around helping all of the brothers with everything. He doesn't know how those seven managed without you before you came to the Devildom, and the way they rely on you is more than a little amusing.

This time you were helping Asmo with decorations, but he seemed to have disappeared somewhere, no doubt to fix his makeup, or to take a break to avoid sweating too much.

When Diavolo walked in his eyes went wide. You were using progressively taller stacks of chairs to climb the tallest stack in the room in order to hang decorations on the ceiling, and your arms were so full of supplies that there was no way you could balance properly on the already unsteady stacks.

He'd already made it to the base of the stacks when the one you were on started to wobble.

"MC!" he called out in a panic, but this seemed to startle you, and the jolt caused you, the stack of chairs, and all your decorations to come crashing down.

Diavolo caught you effortlessly, and shielded you from any flying chairs in the process.

"Mc, are you okay?" He asks, eyes still wide, "what in the Devildom were you thinking?"

"Sorry, I was just trying to help" you say

He feels anger towards the brothers creeping in the back of his mind. That they would leave you alone, with so much work, and still none of them are to be found after such a loud crash; it's unacceptable. But he pushes those thoughts back for now.

"That was dangerous, even for a demon. You could have been seriously injured just now," The look of concern on his face tugs at your heart.

"Sorry" you mumble again, "You can put me down, now... I should start cleaning up"

"Forgive me for being selfish," He smiles a little, "But I don't think I want to put you down just yet. The clean up can wait"

Your face reddens. You're not sure what to say to that, but you can't deny that it feels good to be held like this in his strong arms.

He looks briefly around at the mess of scattered chairs and decorations that you had intended to hang and clean up by yourself, "Tell me, MC," He looks back to you, "You seem to have a hard time asking for help, why is that?"

You're surprised by the directness of the question, and look away. He notices, and feels a bit guilty, but knows that if things continue the way they are, you will definitely get hurt one day.

"I guess it's because... I'm afraid of being a burden" you answer honestly. You feel that you owe him that much.

"I see..." He hums, then smiles happily, "Then perhaps I should carry you around until you admit that you are not a burden!"

"WHAT?" the look on your face makes him laugh heartily.

"Just kidding!" He chuckles, "...Maybe"

"Diavolo that's- I-"

"You are extraordinary, MC," There's a serious look on his face now, "In fact I could describe you in a million different ways, but the word 'burden' would never be among them"

He begins walking out of the room, still carrying you in his arms.

"What are you doing? What about the decorations?"

"I think I'd like to keep you to myself for the day, if that's alright with you, my dear" Diavolo smiles down at you.

As you two walk down the hall, away from the ballroom you hear the brothers' voices as they enter, "Whoa? What the heck happened in here?" Mammon exclaims.

Barbatos

He had invited you for tea, and you offered to help Barbatos make and serve it.

You try to carry too much, and in your rush drop the entire tray, shattering the beautiful tea set and all of the plates of desserts.

"I'm so sorry!" You immediately bend down and begin tying to pick up the pieces, "I'll replace it-" You stop as you realize that you're not sure you could even afford to replace a royal tea set.

"Allow me to help" Barbatos says, bending down.

"No, no, it's fine! I can get it!" You look up and give him an unconvincing smile, and while you're not paying attention to what you're doing, you slice your hand open on one of the sharp pieces of porcelain.

Barbatos pulls a roll of gauze and bandages out of one of his pockets, "Let's get this taken care of, shall we?" he says, but you're still picking up pieces with your other hand.

"I can do it, I just-..."

"It's only a tea set," As Barbatos stills your frantic hands, he notices your tears.

"I'm sorry," You finally say after a long moment of silence, during which he begins bandaging your injured hand, "I tried to help, but I was still only a burden after all..." Barbatos is surprised by this admission, to say the least.

"You should know that It makes me very happy to be able help and take care of people. I especially enjoy the way your face lights up with a tinge of surprise whenever I do something for you that you are not expecting..." He pauses in thought, and looks as though he's realized something that makes him sad, but whatever it is, he keeps it to himself. He finishes bandaging your hand, and places his on the side of your face.

"MC, It is a pleasure, and genuinely brings me joy to be able to do things for you. Please allow me to help you more often."

He takes a handkerchief out of his pocket and dries your tears.

He leads you to sit in a comfortable chair, "Please, rest until you feel better, and allow me to take complete care of you today"

He makes some tea and food for you both to share and makes sure you don't have to lift a finger for the rest of the day, leaving the broken tea set completely forgotten on the floor in the other room for the time being.

He always has kind words for you whenever you see each other, and while he enjoys your help in the kitchen, he always makes sure not to let you do too much, and he never lets you clean up.

He takes extra care of you from now on, and Diavolo finds it absolutely adorable, though he may be a tiny bit jealous.

Solomon

You might've actually given this man a heart attack.

He would've thought it was funny if it hadn't looked like the bookshelf was about to come crashing down on top of you.

"Don't worry! I'm used to climbing things; I'm careful!" You try to convince him, "That does not, in fact, make me feel any better, MC"

He dedicates time to teaching you a levitation spell or two, depending on your magical abilities, so you don't have to climb things any more.

As he's teaching you he decides to ask you about the book shelf incident.

"Something's been on my mind lately" He says, turning to you as you practice. You ask him what it is as you turn your attention to his face and notice that he looks troubled. "The other day, in the library. You knew I was there, sitting nearby... Why didn't you just ask for my help?"

"Oh, I just thought I could get the book myself" That wasn't the answer he was looking for, so he presses on.

"But surely it would've been easier to use a ladder, then. wouldn't it?"

"Well... I- uh- wasn't sure where they were" you sounded a little embarrassed, and turned your attention back to the spell.

Solomon looks a little saddened, "Hmm..." he pauses. You didn't want his help and you didn't even want to ask him a simple question? "MC, is there a reason you didn't want to ask me for help?" Watching you, he saw that the question gave you pause.

"I... have a hard time asking for help sometimes..." You admit, hoping that's the end of it. But of course, it isn't.

"Oh?" he gently prompts you to explain.

He can tell that you're only pretending to pay attention to the spell now, to avoid eye contact, "I've just always been afraid of being a burden"

His face grows sadder for a moment, but you continue to avoid his gaze. He folds his arms, and moves a closed fist to his chin in thought.

"I think that sometimes, not asking for help can be more of a burden" he says, finally catching your attention. You look up questioningly and he continues in a gentle voice, "Think about it, you're placing too much of the burden on yourself, which is making everyone around you worry. And besides that, what if you get hurt? Then you'll need more help from others than you would have in the first place"

It's your turn to look troubled. You hadn't realized that you were worrying everyone, or that you were causing them trouble.

He lets you think for a moment, before placing a comforting hand on your back.

"MC, it's okay to rely on others. People like it when you ask for help. It makes them feel special to you" He says, and when you look up he's giving you one of the kindest smiles you've ever seen on this shady magic boomer's face.

He hopes you catch his little hint, I want to feel special to you, MC

"Thank you, Solomon. I'd never thought of it that way" you smile back, "I'll try to ask for your help more often"

"I'll look forward to it!" He says with an even brighter smile.

Simeon

He noticed just in time; you had decided to walk home alone again and two suspicious looking demons were about to corner you down an alley.

You were scared, you think they had been following you for at least a couple blocks, and now you had nowhere to go. You were at a dead end.

"You two want to leave." A familiar voice, "NOW." Simeon was smiling, but he looked so intimidating in the shadow of the alley, and something ominous was also radiating off of him. Was he angry?

"C'mon it's not worth it" one of the demons said, "Killjoy" said the other. Simeon watches them leave with an intimidating expression before finally approaching you.

"MC, are you alright?" He asks, features now full of concern.

"Yea! Thanks for that, I was starting to get a little worried"

The concern on his face grows, didn't you know how much danger you'd been in just then? "Those two had been following you for a while... Why didn't you call out for help? Or call someone on your D.D.D?"

"Well... I- I just thought maybe they were walking in the same direction, so I wasn't sure..." You sounded nervous.

How could you be unsure? Simeon had never seen a more suspicious looking pair of demons in his life, and if you'd heard what they were saying they wanted to do to you, you'd understand why he was angry. He sighs.

He notices you're shaking, ever so slightly. Maybe you had overheard... You seemed to be more shaken than you were trying to let on.

In the silence he realizes that this part of town wouldn't be part of your normal route back to the House of Lamentation, "Were you lost?" You nod. "Why not ask for directions?" He asks

"Everyone was so busy when I left RAD... I didn't want to bother them. They're always taking care of me as it is... I just thought..."

So that's why you were walking home alone

"I'll walk you back then" he offers you his hand, and you want to take it, but to his surprise you can't bring yourself to.

"That's alright! You've already done so much for me. I'm sure I can find my way home now!" You try to force a smile, but Simeon can see right through you.

"MC... What's really going on?" His face is serious again but his voice is kind as he steps closer and rests a hand on your shaking arm.

You can't hold back tears any more, "I... Just don't... want to be a burden... to anyone" The quiet words break Simeon's heart.

Who could've made you feel this way?

He draws you into a strong, gentle hug, cradling the back of your head to hold you closer and stroke your hair.

"Don't ever think like that, MC" He breathes into your ear, "You are so loved"

Luke

You're going to give this smoll baby angel a heart attack, and there's not much he can even do to about it.

You were carrying too much, like you always do, and Luke noticed almost too late.

You were heading straight for the stairs, and your books and supplies were stacked too high for you to see!

"MC, LOOK OUT!" he shouts.

You stop just as your foot passes the threshold of the first stair and you feel the drop.

You drop everything you're carrying, but thanks to Luke's warning you stopped your own momentum before you could tumble down the stairs with everything else.

Relief floods through Luke as you stare at the mess, shaken and disheartened by the prospect of the clean up.

He runs to you, demanding to know that you're okay.

Of course he helps you clean up and carries as much as he can for you.

He's always offering to carry things for you now, even if all you have is a book or two.

He keeps a nervous eye on you from now on too.

Give this poor baby angel a hug.

[unloved-cadillac]

Can you reverse that levi amnesia drabble? Instead of the reader only remembering levi, reader remembers everything but levi. Like she only remembers up until they first met and he's trying to give her space but he's still unconsciously doing things like grabbing her hand in meetings only for her to jump away. Or him expecting her to follow him to his room at night only to be met with "uh, I don't think that's allowed after dark sir," and just sad levi till she remembers again.

C/n: oh angst train. Here we go. Thanks for requesting and I hope that you enjoy🤍

——————————————————————————

Forgetting You. (Levi x Reader)

Accidents happen. Nothing you can do about it, unfortunately. If you could then they wouldn’t be called accidents. When a cadet slammed you, head first, into a tree the world went dark as you lost consciousness.

~~~~

Levi sat in a chair next to you as he watched you sleep. The IV and bandages around your head made him feel sick. He vowed to himself that he wouldn’t let that happen to you but here you were. Nevertheless, your heart was beating and you were breathing, that’s all that mattered right now. Except for the fact that he wanted you awake.

Hange visited and spoke to you hoping you would chuckle at her horrible jokes but nothing. Even the commander made an appearance to see you.

Right now, Levi held your hand while you slept. He moved forward and brushed your hair away from your forehead and laid a kiss on it. “Wake up for me, baby. I miss hearing your voice.” Levi whispers and leans back into his chair as he listened to the beeping of your heart.

~~~~

You shuffled and groaned as you began to wake up. A warm hand holds yours and gently squeezes when you fully wake up. “Hi, honey. Glad to see you’re awake.” Levi smiles and moves to give you a kiss but you pull away. Levi’s heart stops and looks down at you with wide eyes. “Y/n? Everything okay?”

“Who are you?”

Never in his life did Levi think three words could scare him. You furrowed your eyebrows and gently removed your hand from his. “Y/n, it’s me. Levi. Your..boyfriend?” He says and you shake your head. “You don’t sound so sure about that yourself.” You say with a voice he has never heard come from you before. It was stern, cold and downright emotionless. “I-..”

The door slams open to reveal a four-eyed girl who you instantly smiled at. “Hange.” You say and Levi scoffs. “Y/n! I’m so happy to see that you’re awake. Levi here was worried sick.” Hange hugs you and then you clear your throat. “Hange, who exactly is he? He claims to be my boyfriend but I don’t recall ever having one.” You say and Hange’s brown eyes widen.

“Y/n, he’s right. You’ve been together for over five years now. Don’t..,” she looks at Levi who was fuming, “don’t you remember him? You remember me.”

“I don’t know. The last thing I remembered was us leaving to town. And now I’m here.” Hange gasps and gets up.

“I’ll be right back.”

~~~~

Levi listened to the doctor as he explained to Hange and him about you. Your memory was lost but only up until you met Levi. So not only didn’t not remember him, you also didn’t know that you were a squad leader. Levi groans as he rethinks the whole situation. When you and Hange were friends, Levi wasn’t anywhere in the surface. He was still a thug in the underground. Funny, because when he did come to the surface, you were the first one to talk to him.

“So, maybe try easing into her life again. I’m sorry, Captain. But it looks like she won’t remember you until something jerks her memory.” The doctor concludes and Levi nods. Hange places a hand on his shoulder. “She’ll come around. I know it.”

After a week, you were discharged from hospital and you insisted on Hange being with you. Levi had to suck it up and win your heart all over again.

It was so hard for him to not kiss you. Or hug you. When you sat next to him in meetings, he unconsciously placed a hand on your thigh to which you looked at him with a frown. Levi quickly pulled away and softly apologized.

Or the time when you helped finished help him with paperwork and he expected you to come to bed. “I don’t think that’s appropriate, Captain.” You say and Levi sighs. “O-Oh. Right. Apologies, Y/n.” He softly says and dismisses you. Before you could go though, you turned around and looked at him. He did seem familiar. His eyes looked beautiful, something that attracted you to him but you brushed off those feelings since, apparently, he was a captain.

“Something wrong, Y/n?”

Levi’s voice pulls you away from your thoughts and you shake your head. “No. Uhm, goodnight.” Levi hums and you leave his office. What was this weird feeling in your stomach?

~~~~

Days turned into weeks and Levi still had no progress in trying to make you remember. What if this was the end? Everything he felt for you was still there but you just couldn’t feel it. Did he really just lose you at the blink of an eye? Was he going to be alone?

Again?

He even stopped sitting next to you. The temptation of holding your hand or tucking your hair behind your ear was too much for him to handle and unless he wanted a case in him, he stayed away. It hurt. Levi couldn’t sleep without you next to him and it his insomnia got worse.

“Hange, do something. Anything.” He pleads and Hange sighs. “Trust me, Levi. I’m trying. I really am.��� Levi nods as he goes to his office to keep his mind occupied. But even that couldn’t stop his mind to drift off to you.

Levi stopped writing and placed his head in his hands. “Come back to me.”

You sat on your bed in the girls chambers as you try to think. But this pounding headache made it difficult to do anything. So you got up, hoping to get some water, but your vision turned black and the shoutings of your name muffled then silence.

~~~~

When you woke up the next morning, the headache finally disappeared and you smiled as you recall the accident. Poor cadet but at least now you can assure Levi that you were fine. You hopped out of bed and looked around. Why were you in the girls chambers?

“Y/n.” Hange says and you look at her with a smile. “Hey. Where’s Levi? Why am I here?” You ask as you slip on your shoes. “Why do you want Levi, Y/n?” You lift up your head and chuckle softly. “Uh, cause he’s my boyfriend and I want to be with him?” Suddenly, Hange shrieks and tackles you in a hug. “Oh thank god! It worked!” She yells.

“Huh?”

“Y/n, you lost your memory. You remembered me but not Levi. It’s been weeks and you just couldn’t remember him.” Your eyes widen as you listened to your most trusted friend. “Oh my god.”

You leap out of bed and run to his office. Hopefully he was still there and not out in the fields yet. You didn’t knock and just opened the door to see Levi putting on his cravat. “Didn’t you learn how to knock?” He asks without turning around. “But I live here.” You say and Levi faces you.

“Y/n,” he clears his throat, “I’d there something you need?”

“I want a kiss.” Levi’s eyes widen at you and he stalks towards you, cravat still undone. “What?”

“I want a kiss from my boyfriend. I remember you, baby.” You whisper and he crashes his lips into yours and holds you tight. “I thought I lost you for good.” He mumbles against your lips and you wrap your arms around his neck. “Gonna take a lot more than that to lose me, Ackerman. You’re stuck with me forever.”

“I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

——————————————————————————

“Pride.”

🖤🤍Thanks for reading🤍🖤

-Caddy.

[bucky-barmes]

☾✧✧✧ I'm just looking for a good night ✧✧✧☽

female enhanced!reader x tfatws!Bucky

In which you get dragged into a mess in Madripoor while just trying to enjoy yourself. But is the infamous Winter Soldier as bad as you always thought?

[ a/n: idk what this exactly is but i don't hate it, and who doesn't love asshole bucky? maybe i just have a problem, also loosely based on that madripoor episode. also also tried something new for the writing style so i hope you don't mind lemme know if it's shit ]

Minka is polish for strong-willed one, and is a name but here it’s used as a nickname as it’s reader insert

[ word count: ~3,580 words (this started as a lil drabble of reader meeting bucky at a bar, but i guess my brain had other ideas)

includes: asshole bucky, swearing - like a lot (i'm aussie okay?), drinking (alcoholism?), it's pretty fkn angsty, asshole bucky (i'm warning you ok), no -18 pls as it's not entirely g rated & has some implications

[ all works are my own, do not steal, repost or translate ]

tagging some friends (message if you wanna be on a perm taglist/if you don't wanna be tagged in future (i won't take it to heart i promise)) @sweetdreamsbuck @beefybuckrrito @mymindslabyrinth @igotnoname4thisblog @theluxuriousfangirl @posinhay @barnesand1

The music was blaring, sending vibrations through her body as she swayed to the fast beat. Drink sloshing around as she waved her arms around her above her head. This was it. This was living. Drunk, surrounded by strangers. No one knew her and she knew no one. She was free. And it was incredible.

Going to clubs alone was dangerous, she couldn't remember the number of times her mother had warned her not to. She must have been rolling in her grave at her daughter not only going to a club alone, but to a club in Madripoor no less. The thrill that anything could happen only exciting her more. That, and knowing that the Powerbroker wouldn't let anything happen to her, wouldn't let anyone lay a finger on her. That was the perk of being enhanced and not looking like it, it made you useful.

She had lost track of the hours, and the drinks, thinking only of how good the music made her feel. Of how nothing had felt this good in so long.

She waded through the sea of people, already locking eyes with the bartender as she made a beeline for the bar. She was stopped in her tracks, however, by a wall of bodies.

An almost animalistic growl ripped through her as she slapped her hand down on the shoulder of the man in the middle, a big fur collar adorning his coat. A hard hand gripped her wrist in response and her eyes shifted slowly from the back of man one to the owner of the hand.

Her eyes widened at who they landed on, then narrowed to barely visible slits. Yanking her hand back she didn't break her glare.

"I'm sorry, Dove, did we cut in?" The voice of the middle man broke her chain of thought, and when she looked back to him, he had turned to face her. "How about we buy you a drink to apologise."

"I don't want your handouts, Baron." Venom dripped from her words as she spat back her response. She wedged herself between the Baron and the third man, not someone she recognised, to snatch the drink the bartender placed out for her. "Besides, I don't pay here anyway, don't want you wasting your money."

She was about to work her way back through the crowd of people and to the middle of the dance floor again when she had a thought.

"Hold the fucking phone." Spinning on the spot, her eyes narrowed again, this time at the Baron, but that didn't stop her from seeing the man to his left step forward defensively.

"How are you even here? Last I heard you were stuck in a prison in Germany." Her drink was down and she slammed the glass down on the bar, getting threateningly close to him as she did. "Thought you were never getting out after what you did to them." Her sentence trailed off as her eyes flicked to the man next to him, the one with the metal arm.

The Baron offered her his signature smug smile. "Some people had other plans."

"Well, whatever you're planning," She closed the gap between them further. The shifting of bodies next to them was halted with a raise of the Baron's hand. "Stay the fuck away from me." Hatred seeped from her whole body.

Snatching the new drink that was placed on the bar, her gaze was turned to the apparent bodyguard.

"And I'd think twice before you lay a hand on me again." There was no response, but a subtle cocky smirk instead that only heated her further. She was gone before any of them could speak another word to her.

She was only able to start enjoying herself once more when the sight of the three men had disappeared, then, she was able to let her guard down and the beat of the music slowly took her over again. Until she got a call.

Plugging her other ear so she could hear, she took mental note of the location she was told to move to. The call ended abruptly, they always did with the Powerbroker, but this one was serious. She had begun picking up on the subtle differences between the calls.

Her gun was pulled from her thigh holster as she advanced towards the room Selby used for meetings.

She listened from a distance, the ability being one of many. A phone rang. An awkward silence as the conversation started. Names were thrown around, first Smiling Tiger. 'Yeah, that guy was definitely not Smiling Tiger', she thought to herself as she listened, remembering her run in with him one time. The phone call ended with a goodbye to "Sam"?

There were gunshot before she had time to process anything further.

Kicking the door down, she stepped through slowly, gun raised. It had fallen silent, the three men stood in the middle of the room.

"Holy fuck, what did you do?" Her voice was a mix of shock and anger. The men snapped their heads up.

"Things didn't exactly go according to plan, Dove." The Baron regretfully shrugged as he looked around at the collection of bodies on the floor, inclusive of Selby's.

"Well, why the fuck am I-" A fifth person joined the room before she could finish.

"Because the Powerbroker requested it." Sharon Carter approached her, stone-faced. “And nobody disobeys the Powerbroker.”

“I don’t know, I might’ve had I know it was for these idiots.” She was dead serious as she said it, glaring at the men responsible for the bodies strewn about.

Sharon shot the other woman a look, a look that said ‘you better cut it out right now’.

"Don't, Minka." Sharon's use of the others' nickname amplified the seriousness of it all.

The men in the room didn’t know it, but she, Minka, was the only one who knew who the Powerbroker really was. And you could say she was somewhat of a bodyguard for them.

“The Powerbroker requested it. End of, so get over it.” Sharon snapped at her.

“I can’t believe you’re helping these people.” Her grip on her gun tightened as she interrogated Sharon. “After everything that happened last time.” Her sentence ended with a scoff, clicking on the safety of her gun. She didn't place it back in her holster just yet though.

“Enough.” Sharon’s remark was a bark. An order. “Whether you like it or not, you’re involved now, you’ve seen the bodies. You’re part of it now.”

Minka just glared at her, mumbling “lucky me” under her breath as her daggers turned to the men again. Her anger only bubbled more when she saw the one with the metal arm, the Winter Soldier, staring right back, something she couldn’t quite pick up on behind his cold eyes.

Many hours and gun fights later, everyone made it Sharon's place alive, much to the acrimony of some of them. Of Minka.

"You have a beautiful place, Miss Carter." Baron was walking around, admiring the art as he made the genuine compliment, but he was being eyed. Sharon's personal guard wasn't about to let him touch, ruin, anything.

"Don't touch anything, and get changed, everyone knows what we're wearing now." The last part was directed at the whole group. "And you look like shit, too." Her nose scrunched as she looked them over. Even her associate was included in the statement.

Sharon watched as her figure retreated to the room she had set up, she was there often enough to warrant her own one, and then directed the men to where they could pick out some clothes and change.

There was a soft thump as her body landed on the bed, and she released a long sigh into the covers.

"Yeah, Sharon, I'm not in the mood." Her voice was mumbled from the bed, but was loud enough to hear the frustration.

"Minka, huh?" That was not the voice of Sharon Carter. Her head snapped up to face the door to her room that she swore she locked.

"You don't get to call me that." If looks could kill, the man in the doorframe would have dropped to the floor in record time.

"Is that not your name, Doll?" Arms folded over his chest, a mix of metal and flesh.

"Is your name The Winter Soldier?" The words were laced with malice as she slid off the bed, moving towards him to push him out of her room, her safe space. "Now if you don't mind getting the fuck away from me."

A heavy boot stopped the door from clicking into place, his metal hand forcing it back open, eyes dark. "No, I don't think I will." He stepped into the room, pushing the door closed behind him. This time it was her that stopped the door from closing, hand gripped tightly on the handle, pulling back.

"You've got some fucking nerve coming here like that." Minka yanked the handle as the soldier pushed the door harder, breaking it clean off. "Coming back into Sharon's life like you aren't the one that fucked it up in the first place." The handle dropped with a loud thud.

For a moment, something flashed through his eyes. Regret? Sadness? Whatever it was lasted a mere second before he regained control.

"So, you're like me?" His gaze dropped to the handle on the ground, taking the opportunity to gaze down her body as he did.

It was all she could do from punching him right then and there. "Absolutely not!" If the venom in her voice wasn't evident before, it definitely was now. "I don't kill innocents."

The tension was so thick you could cut it with a knife. The soldier staring down darkly at the smaller woman.

"It's Bucky."

Her eyes narrowed. "What?"

"My name, it's Bucky. And you can call me that."

She couldn't hold back the scoff that fell from her lips. "I won't be calling you anything. After all this shit is cleaned up, you'll never see me again."

Bucky's head tilted ever so slightly, his voice soft but dark. "I wouldn't be so sure of that." But before she was able to punch question him, Sharon's voice bellowed through the building.

"Downstairs, now."

The pair ripped their eyes from each other, Minka's falling to the handle on the floor. "I'm telling her you broke that. Now fuck off so I can change." And she shoved him out of the room, closing the door over between them, making sure to not close it the whole say so she could actually get out when she was ready.

By the time she had finished getting ready and made her way down to everyone else, people had begun meandering in, admiring the art.

"Took you long enough." Sharon walked up behind her, whispering harshly in her ear.

"Yeah, well you can thank your old friend for that. He's an asshole, by the way." "And he's not a friend." "Well he's the reason I need a drink." She turned to face Sharon, giving her a look of 'I hate you for dragging me into this' before heading to the bar, fully intending on double parking it the whole night.

It didn't take long for her to finally loosen up again, 5 drinks to be exact, and be back in the middle of the dance floor, surrounded by sweaty bodies. It may have been an art auction, but nothing was ever not a party in Madripoor, especially if it was organised by the Powerbroker themself.

Minka was so caught up in the moment that she had forgotten entirely about the events of the day, the people of the day.

She had, yet again, lost track of the number of drinks she'd had. But every drink handed her way was downed immediately, not taking any time to register where, or more like who, they were coming from. That was always her greatest weakness, denying alcohol.

She was happily about to take yet another unknown drink being handed to her, when it was snatched from her reach and discarded on a nearby table.

"Hey, what the fuck, that was mine!" She growled, turning with her fist ready to launch into whoever had the nerve to steal her drink.

"Stop taking drinks from strangers, are you an idiot?" Suddenly the memories of the men she had to deal with throughout the day came flooding back. "You're gonna get spiked- in fact, you were about to with that one."

"What? Have you been keeping an eye on me? That's not very Winter Soldier of you." Her tone was mocking as she glared up at Bucky, struggling to stand thanks to the combination of copious amounts of alcohol and continuous movement of people around her.

Bucky placed his large hands on her biceps to keep her steady, eyes narrowing at her words. "You really don't know how to be nice to people, do you?"

"You really don't know how to stay the fuck away from people that don't like you, do you?" She retorted immediately, pulling herself from his grip. "I don't need a goddamn babysitter, especially not you. You don't exactly have the best track record with protecting people." Her back was turned to him and stalking off before she even finished her sentence, but she was yanked back in by her forearm.

"Yeah, I don't think so. You're being watched like a hawk by at least 3 men. Who knows how many of them are trying to spike you and get you separated from the crowd." Bucky's eyes were anywhere but hers, scanning the vast room for anything suspicious, clearly on high alert.

"I don't understand why you fucking care?" Bucky's eyes snapped down to hers, alarmed by her intensity.

"Keep your voice down or you're gonna draw attention to us." He hissed at her, lowering his head and pulling her arm to move her closer to him.

"Good, maybe security will see you're harassing me and escort you out." She snarled, anger rising with every word he spoke. "I'm just looking for a good fucking night and you've managed to ruin it twice now."

"Well take it up with Sharon then, she's the one that told me to keep an eye on you. So clearly she thinks you do need a babysitter." He dropped her arm, that would be enough to keep her in her spot for now.

"You're lying." Her words were barely above a whisper, eyes narrowed at him. "She knows I can hold my own. She's literally hired me for personal protection before."

"Clearly not this time." Bucky's eyes were back to scanning the room. "Not with the types of people here tonight." Minka couldn't help but scoff.

"Oh, because you know Madripoor, right? You've spent how many years here? Oh, that's right, none." She suddenly saw her opportunity to escape, Bucky's eyes not trained on her and her arms free.

"Tell her, as much as I appreciate it, she can shove it." And with that she had weaved her way though the crowd of bodies.

But her abandonment didn't last nearly as long as she had hoped.

All of a sudden she was being pushed against the far wall of the room where she was escaping to, breath knocked out of her.

"What the fu-" Lips landing on hers cut off her protests. Her eyes widened when she realised who said lips belonged to.

"Get off of me!" She spat when she was finally able to push Bucky off. "What the fuck is wrong with you?"

"People are following you. If they know you're with me they're less likely to try something."

"I'm not with you. In fact, I want to be as far away from you as physically possible right now." Bucky's arms, which were trapping her in by pressing against the wall either side of her face, fell to his side. His face turned emotionless for a moment before returning to his usual arrogant demeanour.

"You can't tell me you didn't feel the spark." He winked, a cocky grin plastered on his face when he saw the heat creep to her cheeks.

"Please, you wish there was a spark." Her eyes rolled as she paused. "I've had knife fights with more spark than that."

"Maybe we should have a knife fight sometime then." Bucky's response was quick, and smooth.

"Have you forgotten that you're never going to see me again after all this shit? Although," Minka tapped her chin in mock thought. "If you're offering to let me stab you, I'll gladly take you up on that." Unlike Bucky's, her face held no semblance of humour.

"I'm sure you'll change your mind by the end of it." Bucky eyed her suggestively.

"God, please don't tell me you're into me. Maybe I do want those supposed guys to take me, seems better than the alternative." She groaned at the thought of having to deal with him fawning after her.

Bucky's face indicated that that was definitely not he case. His eyes, however, suggested her words had hurt him a little. "God, never. But if you really want, I can hand deliver you to them myself." He pointed in the direction of said men.

Her nose crinkled. "Okay, maybe not them."

"Yeah, that's what I thought."

"Sharon, we have a serious problem!" Minka stormed into the kitchen after the last few people had left and the party was over, Bucky not far behind her. "So I need a babysitter now? I thought I was the personal protection around here." Her fist collided heavily with the table.

"You are," Sharon looked at her nonchalantly as she poured herself a glass of whiskey. "Until alcohol is involved. You're as useless as that new Captain America when there's booze around." A sip. "Case in point." Sharon hummed, watching your eyes follow her glass from bench, to mouth, to bench again.

"Oh please." She snorted. "And you thought pairing me with this idiot was a good idea?" He hand gestured back to Bucky at idiot, not caring if it offended him. "He just makes me want to drink more."

Sharon was about to give her a look, but Minka just shook her head, throwing her hands up. "No, I'm not dealing with this tonight. I'm going to bed." "Take him with you." Sharon nodded towards Bucky.

"Oh fuck no, why the fuck would I-" "Because everyone knows you're involved, and your head is on a spike now, too. They want you dead, Minka." She couldn't argue with Sharon when she used her nickname for her. And the pain in her voice was evident.

"Fine, but you're sleeping on the floor." Bucky just shrugged, "nothing new."

"You sleep there." A finger pointed to the sofa on the far side of the room. Conveniently away from the bed. "I'll get you a blanket."

Bucky's brow quirked. "I thought I was on the floor?" He feigned confusion, head tilting to the side before his cocky smirk returned.

"Keep going and you will be." The blanket was thrown at his face, along with a pillow.

"A pillow too? Wow, it's like a 5 star hotel." She just glared.

"If you snore, you're out. If you sleep talk, you're out. You make any sort of noise and you're out. Capisce?"

"Guess it's a good thing I don't sleep then, huh?" Bucky threw the blanket and pillow onto the sofa.

"Now see, that just makes it weird. Like that scene from Twilight." "Well, yeah, when you put it like that it is." His face screwed up at the thought, recalling the scene.

"How do you- Actually no, I'm tired and I don't care." She had been about to ask how he understood the reference, but decided that was going to open a whole can of worms that she didn't care about.

"I may be over 100, but I have seen Twilight. Wanda made me watch it with her." He didn't need to be a mind reader to know what she was about to ask. And he didn't blame her, it probably would be surprising that a 106 year old had seen Twilight.

"Don't worry, Doll, I won't stare. Much." And now it was her turn to scrunch her face up.

"If you fucking touch me, I'll rip that metal arm from your body and shove it so far up your ass." Her sentence trailed off, however, when Bucky stepped closer to her, his gaze intense as he looked down at her.

"And how do you think I would touch you?" Another step closer, making her step back and gulp.

With her mouth agape, Minka was lost for words, probably for the first time in her life. Sharon unknowingly came to her rescue, though, when she knocked on the door while entering.

"Set your alarm for 6," Her eyes narrowed at them both and the distance, or lack there of, between them. "We've gotta be out of here asap tomorrow. Make sure you get enough sleep." "Will do, Sharon." Minka's gaze flicked to her, nodding once before she left the room, confusion plastered on her features.

"Right, well that's bed time then." Her tongue ran over her lips nervously, and she was painfully aware of Bucky's eyes watching. "I'm going to get changed." She turned and basically ran to the bathroom attached to her room.

"I'll be out here waitin'." "You're disgusting, don't think anything." "Wouldn't dream of it, doll."

[babymetaldoll]

DIWK - Chapter six: "I don't know everything, despite the fact you think that I do"

My gif

Word count: 12,6K

Warnings: Cursing, mentions of drug use, drug detox, physical violence. Spencer being a jerk.

Summary: (Y/N) had enough of Spencer's attitude and plans an intervention on her own.

A/N: Hello! how are you? how's your week going? my life is a mess and I'm fighting with a lot of anxiety and stress after the month I spent with my grandparents, so I've been taking everything with calm in the latest days. I hope you all enjoy this chapter! Spencer is... and then reader... ok, read it, and see you in the comments! Stay safe, kids!!!

Series Masterlist

Chapter one | Chapter two | Chapter three | Chapter four | Chapter five | Chapter six | Chapter seven | Chapter eight | Chapter nine | Chapter ten | Chapter eleven | Chapter twelve | Chapter thirteen | Chapter fourteen | Chapter fifteen |

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(Y/N)'s point of view

After New Orleans, I thought things were starting to get a little better. For a few days, Spencer was a lot like himself again. It was refreshing and exciting. He smiled. He even looked like he had slept. And he wasn't rude. Not at first. Not until that Friday.

- "Hey, pretty girl"- Morgan appeared next to my desk and tapped on the pile of files I was working on- Got any plans for tonight?

- "I was actually going to meet my boyfriend. Why? What do you have in mind?"

Yes. Paul and I had a date, 'cos I hadn't seen him in two weeks. We had spent San Valentine's apart, 'cos we were out on a case. And I barely noticed it. I didn't have my hopes high for that night, though. Maybe pizza, a movie... I didn't feel like having sex, even when it had been over a month since we had done it.

- "I'm clubbing tonight, and I know you are a party girl. So, do you wanna come with me?"

- "As tempting as it sounds, I pass"- I smiled at my friend and shook my head- "All I can do today is have a quiet evening, eat something, watch a movie and then call it a day."

- "Are you sure? 'cos Emily is on board, and you two are my party sidekicks."- I chuckled and kept shaking my head- "Ok, alright. You lose. What about you, pretty boy?"

Spencer had been awfully quiet that whole afternoon. He was buried in his paperwork and only moved from his seat to get coffee.

- "Reid? are you listening?"- Morgan waved until he got his attention. But Spencer apparently didn't want to talk- "Hello? Earth to Reid."

- "What the hell do you want?"- I brought up my eyes to my best friend, 'cos his voice was as annoyed as rude.

- "Hey, hey, slow down, kid. What's your problem?"

- "I'm trying to work, and you don't let me! That's my problem!"- Morgan raised an eyebrow and took a deep break.

- "Ok, my bad."

Spencer glued his eyes on his files again, and I kept looking at him closely for a minute. He was fidgety on his chair. He kept scratching his arms, and he had flipped from human to whatever he was when he yelled at Morgan in a blink.

Of course, shit wasn't over yet.

- "Hey, do you want a ride home?"- I asked him and stood by his desk on my way out. He was getting ready to leave too.

- "I can take the subway on my own"- he talked to me like I was insulting him- "And I don't wanna get in the way of your fake date,"- he grumbled and put on his coat

- "Sorry, what?"- I wasn't sure I had gotten that right.

- "Yeah, you have a date with your boyfriend, and I don't want to get in the way."

- "What are you talking about, Reid?"- I couldn't believe his words. He was acting like a jerk.

- "You know, I don't get it"- he was mad. Furious. And he snapped in front of me, out of the blue- "Why are you still dating that jerk if you don't even love him? does he fuck you that good?"

I could see from the corner of my eye how every head in the bullpen turned to us. I looked at my best friend in the eyes and didn't say a word. I just nodded and grabbed my purse.

- "Enjoy your weekend, Reid."

I knew I didn't have to take those words personally. Spencer wasn't himself. But I was growing tired of justifying him in front of the team and myself. It was time for the big guns.

I tried to ease my mind that night, preparing myself for what I knew I had to do the next day. But I couldn't shake Reid from my thoughts. I needed to know what he was doing if he had dinner. If he was able to sleep. Shit! I needed to know if he was getting high all alone in his apartment.

What if he overdosed? What if he just decided to go a little further and his body couldn't resist it? He was too skinny. He wasn't eating correctly. Shit! He could die.

- "Hey, babe. Are you ok?"- Paul asked me all of a sudden. He was kissing my neck and trying to get under my shirt, and I wasn't even moving. I was thinking about Reid and how to help him. And meanwhile, my boyfriend was trying to have sex with me.

- "Sorry, what?"- I know, that wasn't a good answer.

- "Are you even here?"- he sighed and let me go- "Let me guess, you are thinking about a case."

- "No, I'm just worried about Reid."

I know. That wasn't a good answer either, considering Paul's angry face as soon as he heard his name. Paul hated Reid. Ok, Paul hated every single one of my friends, but he despised Spencer. He would almost see him as his sworn enemy, and they had seen each other in person twice in over a year.

- "Now you think about that nerd when we are making out?!"

- "What?! No! that's not what I meant!"- I tried to explain, but it was clear that wasn't going to work- "He is going through a tough time after the abduction and..."

- "Yeah, yeah"- he cut me off and stood up- "Everything about Spencer is more important than me! I don't wanna hear that shitty and sad kidnap story again!"

- "I'm just trying to say I am worried about him!"- I stood up and followed him around the apartment.

- "You are always worried about him!"

- "He is my friend. He is in pain!"

- "And what about me?! Do you even care about me?!"

- "Sure! of course, I do!"

I knew that was it all of a sudden. I didn't even want to argue with Paul, and neither explain to him how much I needed to help Reid. So I didn't say a word. I only stood in front of him. He brought up his eyes to me and sighed. It took him a few seconds to gather the courage to say what he wanted to say. But when he did, it wasn't good.

- "You are in love with him, aren't you?"

His question made my blood boil. I hated he made such a presumption only because I was worried about Spencer. I loved him, sure, but because he was my best friend. I was with him all day, every day. I saw him more than my own family. More than Lu, Mikey, or Frank. And I knew Reid was in pain and in real danger. Of course, Spencer was my priority.

- "No, Paul. I am not in love with him."- I looked right into his eyes and tried to make my point clear- "He is going through a shitty situation, and I wanna help him. That's all."

- "And do you love me?"

He had never asked me that before. We haven't talked about "love" in the whole year and a half we had been together. And, to be honest, I didn't want to lie. I didn't want to hurt him either, but it was the end of the line, and we both knew it.

- "Paul..."

- "That's a no,"- he said and folded his arms across his chest- "If you don't love me, why are you with me?"

- "Do you love me?"

- "Of course, I do!"- I raised an eyebrow and stared at him for a second - "Don't profile me!"

- "I'm not profiling you. I'm just sure you don't! And that's ok. Paul, we... This is not a relationship. It's two lonely persons holding onto something that didn't work."

We just stared at each other and didn't say a word for what seemed to be for ages.

- "Despite what you might think, I know you, (Y/N)"- he took a step closer to me and kissed my forehead- "And I know you love him."

- "Paul, I really don't. He is my friend, and I'm worried about him"- he simply nodded and sighed.

- "Sure thing. Take care"- started walking to the door and never looked back.

I stood alone in the middle of my apartment. That was it. The easiest breakup because neither of us was in love. And yet, I felt empty and sad. Tears started falling down my cheeks, and I didn't notice them until I was sobbing.

I wasn't sad I had lost Paul. I didn't understand where that emptiness and misery were coming from. Maybe it was grief for a relationship that was never meant to work. Perhaps I was sad because I had failed to maintain a relationship. After all, work had turned into my life. I was just like my father and my brother.

A part of me felt I was slowly turning into what I had fought not to be. And letting Paul might mean I was no longer the old (Y/N). And the new (Y/N) scared me: I was a Fed, I worked over 50 hours a week, and I had killed people. Bad people, but I had pulled the trigger. I knew I had the job of my dreams, and I knew I loved working at the BAU. But with every day that passed, I was walking further and further away from the version of me I loved.

And I was scared of what the new (Y/N) was going to be like. Was she going to be like her dad and lose her family due to her work? or like her brother? who couldn't have a normal life 'cos being a detective was more significant.

I knew we all made our own personal decisions, but a part of me felt it. We were all cut from the same cloth, and I was meant to grow old, alone, and the BAU was going to be my whole life until the day I retired, and the loneliness consumed me.

- "I need a drink."

Spencer's point of view

I took a cab home. I didn't want to take the subway because it would take longer to get there, and I couldn't wait that long. I needed one more fix.

I had been telling myself the same for a whole week now: Just one more. One last time.

But it never was the last time. Every night I failed, and that Friday, I was so eager to forget, I wasn't thinking straight. I snapped at Morgan and (Y/N), just 'cos I was going insane, craving Dilaudid.

After New Orleans, I decided to stop using it. And for two days, I did it. But, of course, I couldn't handle the need. That needle was going to be my end, and I was struggling every day to quit. It was impossible to stop on my own when I needed to quieten the pain somehow.

You don't know how much pain you are into until you numb yourself, and the weight of all your troubles and regrets is lifted from your chest. I knew it was eating me alive, but I had to be strong and quit. So, every day I tried. And every day, I failed. Just like that night, when I laid in bed and slowly unwrapped my belt from my arm, losing all connection with reality.

I had yelled at my friends, and they were probably angry at me. But shit! It was worth it. Nothing was even relevant as long as I could feel the relief Dilaudid gave me.

But it never lasted. And the following day, I regretted it all. I woke up dressed on my bed, a needle next to me and an empty bottle of Dilaudid by its side. Just like a junkie. Tears filled my arms as soon as I realized what had happened. What I had done: I had failed yet again.

My whole body was shaking. I needed to eat something. My last proper meal had been Thursday when (Y/N) and I stopped for dinner on our way back home. And I guess if it hadn't been for her, I wouldn't have eaten at all.

I took a long shower, trying to wash away the guilt. It's obvious to say it didn't work. But I consoled myself thinking last night had been the last time. That day I was going to be strong enough, and I was going to quit. I had decided. Nothing could stop me that time.

My breakfast was miserable: I made coffee and took a look in my fridge. Nothing. All I ate that morning was a bowl of cereal (without milk) and two cups of coffee and sugar. Sugar and coffee, actually, like everybody teased me.

I tried to read for a while, at a normal peace, because my head was still fuzzy. So I sat in my living room and grabbed a book from my coffee table: "The Illustrated Man."

After a few hours and four books later, my mind kept coming to the same place. I was out of Dilaudid. And it was a good thing, 'cos now I just wasn't going to get any more. That was it. I had officially quit. Yes. And I felt good. It was a new day, and I was ready to be clean and sober. So I made myself another cup of coffee to celebrate and took a look at my bookshelf. I picked another three books and sat on my armchair, ready to keep on reading. I didn't need drugs to be happy.

Around three in the afternoon, I couldn't stop moving on the couch as I read the sixth book of the day. I drank yet another cup of coffee, even when I knew what I really needed was to get some real food. But I didn't care to starve at that moment. There was only one thought in my mind: Getting high.

Maybe I wasn't ready to quit. I should try leaving it periodically. Actually, perhaps having a bottle around the house could help me ease my mind. Knowing it was there made me feel better. As good as using it.

I was going insane. I kept debating whether I should stay home or find my dealer and just get a little dose. Just enough for one more time. Maybe two. I kept walking around my apartment, creating excuses in my head to get high.

And that was when I heard a knock on my door. I stopped on my tracks, confused. I wasn't waiting for anyone, and I wouldn't really have many unannounced visits. So I walked silently towards the door and looked through the peephole.

- "Shit"- my voice was a whisper I prayed (Y/N) hadn't heard.

What was she doing there? Maybe she had come to talk about my attitude at the BAU. I had said some awful things, but that wasn't really a good moment. I didn't want to see her. I didn't want her to see me like this. I didn't want anyone to see me. So I didn't open the door.

But she knocked again. I didn't move and almost didn't breathe as I stood still by the door, waiting for her to leave. But she wasn't leaving. Instead, she kept knocking over and over again, driving me insane until I snapped.

- "What the fuck do you want?!"- I opened the door and yelled at her face. She widened her eyes, surprised, and didn't move.

- "You just came to stand there and look at me?- I shouted, and she flinched. She had to leave. I wanted her out of my house. But rather than leaving, she walked in and stood in the middle of the apartment.

- "What is wrong with you?"- she was making an effort to stay calm, but I could tell she was scared. She kept biting the inner part of her cheeks and crossed her arms on her chest. Was she scared of me?

- "Spencer, why are you acting like this?"

- "What the fuck is your problem, (Y/N)? Why are you in my house uninvited?!"

- "I called you like three times. I wanted to invite you to my house for dinner, but you didn't answer, so I got worried."

- "As you can see, I'm fine! And no, I don't wanna go to your house for dinner!"

Her eyes were wide opened, staring right into mine, and I swear it physically hurt to see her. She shouldn't be there. I needed her out. I didn't want her to see me like that, and I needed to get out and get some more Dilaudid. Now more than ever.

- "I'm making lasagna"- (Y/N) whispered- "Mikey, Frank, and Lu are coming."

- "I don't care, I don't wanna go to your house, I don't wanna go anywhere! I'm fine here."

- "But, honey bunny..."

- "Stop calling me that!! I hate it!! It's a stupid nickname! I'm not your fucking honey bunny!!"

The silence in my apartment was so deep, I could hear my own heart racing inside my chest. (Y/N)'s eyes filled with tears that soon started falling down her cheeks. She dropped her shoulders, and her arms hung at her sides, slacks.

- "Please"- she begged- "Tell me what's wrong. I want to help you, Spencer."

- "There's nothing wrong! don't you get sometimes I don't want to be stuck at you?! I already have to see your face all day at work. I deserve a break during the few weekends we have off!"

- "I know you don't mean that"- her voice broke, and her chin trembled, but she still made her best not to cry.

- "You don't know that. You don't know shit, (Y/N)."

I stayed quiet and looked away from her. I couldn't stare at those sad eyes for another second.

- "Please, leave"- I managed to control my voice for a second, in a poor attempt not to hurt her anymore. But she shook her head and sniffed.

- "No, Spencer, I'm not leaving until you tell me what's wrong with you. I am worried."

- "There's nothing fucking wrong with me, (Y/N)! Don't you get it?! I just don't wanna be with you!"

- "Please"- she begged, sobbing in front of me. I couldn't stand it. I couldn't bear to see her anymore.

So I ruined everything and hurt her. I pushed her. She nearly fell back but managed to stabilize. She was shocked by my actions, but I didn't even have time to think about what I was doing. All I could think of that minute was that I needed her out of my house to buy drugs and get high.

- "Spencer, what the hell are you doing?"

- "I asked you nicely, but you didn't leave. So now I won't be nice anymore. Get out!!"

I grabbed her by the arm and pulled her out of my sight. She cried, pleading I would tell her what was wrong with me. But I didn't listen. Instead, I dragged her out of my apartment and slammed the door. I could hear her crying in the hall for a moment, and it enraged me. I thought if she was crying, she herself had caused it. She had appeared at my house at the wrong moment, unannounced.

It wasn't my fault. I just wanted her to leave. I did what I had to do.

And I didn't regret it.

Not until Sunday afternoon, when an announced knock on my door forced me to drag my stoned body from the couch. It was a delivery boy who gave me a package and left. It had nothing written on it. Not even my name. When I opened the box, I found a computer and a note.

- "Play me."

I knew I was still stoned, but not enough to be imagining those kinds of things. I took the laptop to the couch with me. There was a video ready to be played in it. So I pushed play.

- "What the fuck do you want?!"- my heart dropped. It was me, but I could barely recognize my own face- "You just came to stand there and look at me?"

It was a recording of me yelling at (Y/N). She had taped everything, and I couldn't believe my own eyes. I was a monster.

- "I'm making lasagna"- my chin quivered at that scene. Her voice was a whisper, and I was out of myself- "Mikey, Frank, and Lu are coming."

- "I don't care, I don't wanna go to your house, I don't wanna go anywhere! I'm fine here."

- "But honey bunny..."

- "Stop calling me that!! I hate it!! It's a stupid nickname! I'm not your fucking honey bunny!!"

I paused the video, 'cos I couldn't take it anymore. That wasn't me. I couldn't believe I had said all those things to her. It hurt (Y/N), so I could get drugs.

I covered my face with my hands and cried. I was done. Not only did I not know how to recover from my drug addiction, but I also didn't know how I could ever look at my best friend again in the eyes after what I had done.

I remembered she had cried, and I knew I had been mean. But when I saw the extreme hate in each one of my words, I knew I had reached rock bottom. I needed help.

After a few minutes, I pushed play again. I knew I needed to see the whole thing actually to understand what had happened.

- "Please, leave!!"

- "No! Spencer, I'm not leaving until you tell me what's wrong with you. I am worried."

- "There's nothing fucking wrong with me, (Y/N)! Don't you get it! I just don't wanna be with you!!"

- "Please... Spencer, no! What the hell are you doing?"

- "I asked you nicely, but you didn't leave. So now I won't be nice anymore. Get out!!"

I hit her. I pushed her. She was there to invite me for dinner, and I hurt her. Who was I? What kind of beast does such a thing to his best friend?

Who would do such a thing to the woman he loves.

I curled on the couch, crying. How could I let that happen? When did I turn into a downward version of myself? Ethan was right. I had been dumb enough to think I could control it when in reality, drugs were controlling me. I was losing who I was. I could lose my job. I was losing my friends.

I knew things had been hard for me growing up, but I had finally reached a point in my life where I was happy. I liked my life. I loved my job. For once, I had real friends, and I was making good, catching bad guys. I had actually fulfilled my dream to work at the BAU. So why was I wasting it all?

- "Spencer"- I heard (Y/N)'s voice at the end of the video and saw her face on the screen- "I am here if you need to talk. I'm not mad. I just wanna hug you. Please, call me. Let me help you."

But I couldn't do it. I couldn't talk to her after what had happened. I dragged her by the arm out of my apartment. I made her cry. I didn't deserve anything. I couldn't deal with reality and the consequences of the monster I had become into.

Sunday, March 4th. That was the day it all changed for good.

(Y/N)'s point of view

Spencer didn't call. I wasn't surprised, though. I knew he would be affected by the video and probably felt like he didn't deserve my help. So I did what I knew Frank would say I shouldn't do. I put on my shoes and got ready to go to his apartment and pick him up. I was not going to leave him alone when I could see he was struggling to survive.

But when I opened my door, Spencer was sitting in the hall outside my apartment, hugging his legs, shaking. His eyes were puffy, and his lips were shattered. He looked at me, afraid I would be mad. But how could I? I just wanted to help him.

I kneeled in front of him and touched his hands. They were stone cold. His lips trembled as I looked into his eyes, and after a few seconds of hesitation, he finally threw his arms around me, crying.

- "It's ok, honey"- I whispered and felt his whole body shaking as he held me tight- "I've got you."

- "I'm sorry"- I mumbled, sobbing against my shoulder.

- "Shh, it's ok, it's ok"- I ran my fingers through his hair and kissed his cheek.

- "Please"- I had to bite my lips not to cry with him, but I knew I had to be strong for him- "Help me."

- "Always."

I poured two cups of tea on my kitchen island as I looked at Spencer eating a bowl of soup. He was swallowing it like he hadn't eaten in days, which was probably true. We had barely spoken in the last hour. He kept asking for forgiveness as I helped him walk into my apartment and sat with him on the couch. He held onto me like a castaway holds to whatever shipwrecks he finds to survive.

When I finally convinced him to eat something, he followed me to the kitchen and looked at me in silence as I cooked. I didn't know what to tell him, so I just did my best to stay calm. I knew what was happening next, and it wasn't going to be pretty. But I was ready to go through it with him.

- "Thank you"- he whispered and sighed as soon as he was finished.

- "Do you want some more?"- but he shook his head. I smiled at him and handed him his cup of herbal tea.

- "Cookies?"- he didn't answer. He just looked at me with those big puppy eyes and broke my heart.

- "I'm sorry"- he spoke so softly I almost didn't hear him.

- "Don't be."

- "I was a monster"- he stared at me, and I knew he was thinking I was never going to forgive him, when the truth was, I wasn't mad at him at all. I was just worried sick.

- "Are you ready to get better?"- I was afraid to ask, 'cos I was afraid he could change his mind. Still, I trusted the video had shaken him deeply enough to erase from his head any thought of relapsing.

- "Yes."

His answer was clear. Even when it was a whisper, there was no hesitation or no fear. Pure determination. It made me smile to hear him like that. And he smiled at me for a second, filling my heart with hope.

- "Ok, then this is what we are doing"- I walked to my desk and took a folder I had prepared for that day. I gave it to him, and he frowned, confused.

- "What is this?"

- "Our home detox plan. You and I are locked in this apartment for the next fifteen days."

Spencer looked at me, baffled. I just smiled and walked to the fridge to show him how prepared I was.

- "I got all the food we need, and the meds you might need, and a nurse that will come to visit daily to put an eye on you."

- "What? How? What about work?"

- "I'll talk to Hotch."

- "What are you gonna tell him?"

- "The truth"

I wasn't going to lie to my boss, not when he also knew what was happening with Reid.

- "Honey, he knows there's something wrong with you, and I'm sure he will understand our absence for two weeks. You and I have enough vacation days saved to cover that time. And you need it."

Spencer looked at me in silence. I couldn't read his face because his eyes hypnotized me. Even under those circumstances, his eyes were beautiful and sweet. Filled with hope.

- "Ok"- he nodded, and I hugged him right away.

- "I'm so proud of you, honey"- I whispered and caressed his hair for a second.- "Come on. We are doing one more thing before we start."

- "What?"

- "Cleaning your apartment."

I took Reid back to his place and got rid of the Dilaudid he had gotten that weekend: All of it. And the needles. I helped him clean because I didn't want him to find a messy apartment when he would get back there. Then, we packed a bag of clean clothes to take to my place. He looked weak but determined to change, which made me feel so relieved. My heart was joyful.

- "Do you have everything?"- I whispered and held his hand as he stood in the middle of the living room and took a look around- "Do you want to take some books?"- he didn't answer- "Spencer? are you ok?"

- "I don't want to be a burden"- he whispered, and I took a deep breath right away, trying to find the right words to convince him he wasn't and that there was no way on earth he could ever be a burden in my life.

- "You are not, I swear"- he looked down and played with his fingers in my hand- "I mean it."

- "It's not going to be nice"

- "I know"

- "And..."

- "And I want to be there, with you, all along. Ok?"- he looked at me, and my heart skipped a beat.

- "(Y/N), withdrawal symptoms from opiates include anxiety, sweating, vomiting, and"- he cleared his throat, embarrassed- "And diarrhea."

- "I know... but we are going to go through this together, one day at the time."

Spencer kept his fingers in my hand, tracing paths on my skin. I looked at him and bit the inside of my cheeks. I didn't want him to doubt himself, 'cos I knew he could do it.

- "One day at the time sounds good"- he murmured and looked at me with a tiny smile. I nodded and kissed his cheek. I don't know why I did it. I just know how much I liked it. The sensation of his skin, and his two days beard, I don't know what it did to me. But I even shivered.

- "Let's go"- I whispered and held his hand tight. He nodded and grabbed his bag. It was about to get real.

The first night with Spencer was wild. He hadn't used it in over a day, and the withdrawal symptoms started around midnight. We were on the couch watching a movie. I was already half asleep when I felt Spencer constantly moving. He started biting his nails and scratching his face every two minutes.

- "Are you ok?"- I whispered and looked at him. He was pale.

- "I'm not gonna be able to do this."

- "Honey..."

- "No, I mean it."

- "You can, and you will."

- "How do you know? I was weak enough to start using."

- "You were forced to start using, and you are strong enough to stop"- I sat straight and held his hands. He was freezing- "What do you say we put you to bed? I'll make you a cup of tea, and we'll see how you feel in the morning."

He didn't move. I kept his hand in mine, and he held it tight. Real tight. I don't know what he was thinking about, but after a few seconds, he sighed and looked at me.

- "Bed and tea sounds nice,"- I nodded and stood up, but he didn't move- "(Y/N)?"

- "Yes?"

- "Where are you going to sleep?"

- "On the couch"- he sighed, and his face was filled with guilt.

- "I can't let you do that. This is your house."

- "Don't worry about that now. Come on. You need to rest"- I caressed his hand with my thumb, and he finally stood up. But halfway to the bedroom, he stopped.

- "I feel so guilty to put you through all this."

- "I want to do this"

- "But..."

- "No, but"- I turned to him and cupped his face with my hands- "I love you, and I'm not gonna leave you alone. No matter what."

My words resonated inside my head for a few seconds as I stared at him. My stomach was fluttering, and my heart was racing inside my chest.

That wasn't good. But I didn't have to overthink my feelings because my best friend needed me.

Reid walked to the bathroom and put on his pajamas while I made him a cup of warm tea. I knew what was coming: nausea, shivering, throwing up, stomach ache, and more. But I was ready. Two weeks and Spencer was going to be ok.

I had talked about my plan with Hotch earlier that day, and he agreed to give us two weeks off and cover us. Spencer was going to be in Vegas, 'cos his mother had had an episode, and I would be in New York, helping my brother on a case. Seemed convincing. Having the two of us out of town would stop any of our friends to stop by unannounced.

- "(Y/N), thank you for doing this for Reid"- Hotch said before hanging up. I felt lucky to have him as my unit chief. He surely cared for all of us. I don't think anyone else would have done the same.

Retchings from my bathroom were the first thing I heard as soon as I stepped into my room.

- "Honey, do you need help?"- but Reid didn't answer. So I ran back to the kitchen and got him a Gatorade from the fridge, set it on the nightstand. Then I ran to my closet and grabbed a clean towel.

I opened the bathroom door and found Reid kneeled by the toilet. He had already flushed but didn't stand up.

- "Here"- I dampened the towel and put it on his forehead. He closed his eyes and sighed- "Better?"

Spencer just nodded and stayed still for a moment. I took off his glasses and pulled his hair back carefully. He started retching a second later, and I rubbed his stomach, cooing him. When he was done, I flushed and helped him stand up. That wasn't it, and I knew it. He knew it too.

- "Did you know brushing your teeth right after throwing up damages your teeth?"- he whispered, making me smile. It felt good to know deep down, even under those shitty circumstances, he was still the same good old Reid.

- "So, mouthwash?"- I moved the bottle closer for him, and he just nodded- "I'll be outside."

Reid drank a little Gatorade and made a sad effort to read after getting into bed but fell asleep in less than five minutes. I took the glasses off (again) and took the book from his hands. My heart felt warm just to see him there, resting.

But that lasted less than half an hour. I stayed by Spencer's side to make sure he was ok. I was reading when he started retching again. I grabbed the bucket I had already set underneath the bed and rushed to help him. His stomach was already empty. He was basically just vomiting bile.

When he finally fell asleep again, he started shaking. I touched his hand, and he was freezing, so I took an extra blanket from the closet, placed it on top of him, and set the room's thermostats to make it a little warmer for him.

I stayed by his side, reading until he woke up again. This time, he was sweating. I took a clean pajama top from his bag and helped him change. Then, I took the dirty pajamas and the clothes he had worn that day and put them in the washer.

I sat next to Reid on the bed and looked at him. He was awake, rolling over and over, not able to stay still.

- "Come here"- I whispered and tapped on my lap- "Put your head here."

I thought he was going to argue, but no. Instead, he did as told with no hesitation as I ran my fingers through his hair slowly, scratching his scalp carefully. I felt how he inhaled deeply and relaxed, at least for a little while.

But it didn't last. And the rest of the night was a long loop of puke, shivers, and sweat. Spencer finally fell asleep for good around six in the morning, and I dragged my exhausted self to the couch. Night one was done. Nine more to go.

Spencer's point of view

My whole body ached. I opened my eyes, disoriented. All I knew was that I felt I had been beaten up, but I didn't recognize the room. I did recognize the smell on my pillow, though. It was (Y/N)'s. That's how I remembered what was going on.

Adding to how bad I felt, physically, I felt worst knowing everything that had happened the night before and in advance for everything I knew would happen that week. But even knowing that, and even when I was embarrassed to be a burden, I was glad to be there. I was happy to feel taken cared of and loved. It was a change I never imagined I could experience. The one who always took care of his mother now had someone who took care of him. It was under a miserable context, but I felt loved anyway.

Even when I was loved only as a friend.

I stood up slowly. I was fatigued, probably 'cos I had spent half of the night puking. I drank what was left of the Gatorade on the nightstand and walked to the living room. (Y/N) was asleep on the couch. My heart ached to think how uncomfortable she probably was while I slept on her queen-sized bed. No one had ever cared so much about me before. So I walked to the kitchen and made her breakfast. A classical Reid breakfast. Coffee, cereal, and milk. That was it. That was all I could cook.

- "Hey, what are you doing?"- (Y/N) appeared suddenly and smiled at me so sweetly, I nearly dropped the coffee pot.

- "I'm trying to make you breakfast"- I confessed and blushed- "And as you can see, I'm not much of a cooker."

- "You made coffee, you covered the most important part"- she held the cup I had filled for her and smiled- "What if you get comfy on the couch while I make you something to eat?"

- "I can't let you do everything, (Y/N)"- the way she looked at me, my heart skipped a beat.

- "I'll tell you what: If I ever get sick or hurt, or anything happens to me, you are going to be the one taking care of me. Ok?"- I nodded and stayed quiet- "Now, go to the couch. It's a lazy Monday."

- "What does that mean?"

- "We stay in our pajamas, watch movies, nap, and do nothing."

How could anyone say no to that?

I wasn't hungry at all, but (Y/N) really applied herself with everything she cooked: she made chocolate chips, hotcakes, peanut butter and jelly sandwich, a smoothie, and also forced me to eat a bowl of fruit. She said I needed all the vitamins I could get, 'cos I had to get strong.

She sat next to me, ate the bowl of cereal I had prepared for her, and drank the coffee I had made. It was relaxing just staying there, covered with a blanket, watching Dr. Who. I felt my body losing up little by little. Until detox hit again. The light was bothering me, burning my eyes, and my body felt weak. Nauseous started kicking in, and before I knew it, I was throwing up on (Y/N)'s carpet.

She held a bucket in front of me and pressed a damped towel on the back of my neck.

- "Better?"- (Y/N) whispered and smiled at me. Her fingers tucked some of my hair behind my ears gently- "Do you want to lay down for a while? You are shaking."

I just nodded.

- "Ok, come on, let's go"- she held my arm and helped me stand up. She was right. I was shaking, but not just because I was cold. It was the withdrawal.

I was so embarrassed and mortified. With each symptom, I was a little more certain (Y/N) would never look at me the way I did. She would never fall for me after what she was witnessing. No one in their right mind would.

- "There you are"- she whispered, fixing the pillow behind my head as I laid on her bed again.

- "Can you please close the curtains?"- I whispered, covering my face with both hands. The light was too painful to deal with.

- "Sure, honey. Headache?"- all I could do was nod- "I'll get you ibuprofen, that will help with your body aches and the migraine."

I stayed still, eyes closed, hands covering my face, thinking how I had gotten to the point of having to detox my body from drugs. It was, without a doubt, the lowest moment of my whole life.

- "Ok, honey, try to get some rest, ok?"- (Y/N) whispered after I took the ibuprofen and drank half the bottle of water she had brought.

-  "Can you..."- I studied because I was afraid to tell her I didn't want her to leave me alone. I was afraid to be on my own. I didn't trust myself or my mind.

- "What is it? Do you want another blanket?"

- "Can you stay with me?"- I finally asked and held her hand. She just nodded, smiling, and sat next to me on her bed, making sure I was comfy and cozy, fixing the pillow again and the blanket. I looked at her as she laid by my side on top of the covers and held her book.

- "I'm here, Spencer. And I'll be where when you wake up, ok?"

- "Can you read to me?"- I closed my eyes 'cos the light was killing me.

- "And your headache?"

- "Your voice is soothing, and it would help to concentrate on something else but the pain."

- "Ok... then prepare yourself for some horror, 'cos I'm reading, yet again, "Something wicked this way comes."

- "It's one of my favorites"- I whispered and sighed.

- "Why am I not surprised?"

I tried to fight the waves of nausea, the pain in every muscle and headache, and only focused on the sound of her voice as she read. It took me back to when I was a kid, and my mom would read me every night. (Y/N) kept caressing my hair and reading to me. It was the closest I had ever been to heaven, even when physically, I felt like dying.

When I woke up, (Y/N) was asleep by my side. I tried to move, but my body was limp. It was too painful for me to get up on my own, and all I could think of was one simple thing: Dilaudid. I was craving it. I would never feel so bad if I had a fix. Just a little one. To make the pain go away.

I was making excuses to justify my need for drugs. I wanted to feel better, 'cos right there, on (Y/N)'s bed, I felt dead already, and my whole body was rotting. I just wanted to get a little high. It wasn't going to hurt anyone. Right?

Wrong. The bruise on (Y/N)'s arm was the reality check I needed. I hurt her. I hit her. I pushed her away from me. That's how low I had gotten. I would not let that happen again, and more important than anything else: I was never going to hurt (Y/N), ever again. And that I swore to myself that day on her bed.

There was no use in denying the fact I was in love with my best friend. She was the best thing that had ever happened to me. And I knew I was going to love her forever, even when she would only be my friend. I didn't even know when I had fallen so hard in love with her. I tried to remember the moment my feelings had changed from friendship to love, but I couldn't find it. I just knew I loved her, and nothing was ever gonna change that.

The kind of love that makes you think you'd die for that person. I would die for her, just to make sure she is safe.

I felt so pathetic thinking those things. Not because I didn't want to feel that way, but because I knew (Y/N) would never look at me like that. But still, I'd give her everything she could ever ask me for.

I just laid by her side and looked at her as she slept. My eyes were finally able to slide on every detail of her face. Her freckles, her nose, the color of her lips that even without makeup looked like a cherry. And the bruise on her arm. I was never going to forget about it and neither forgive myself.

- "Hey"- she whispered, fluttering her eyes- "How are you feeling?"

- "Good"- I lied. I didn't want to tell her I felt like dying. She stayed still, looking at me for a few seconds.

- "Are you hungry?"- I shook my head, even that hurt- "How's the headache?"- my eyes were killing me.

- "Better"- she nodded and sighed.

- "I know you are full of shit, Spencer Walter Reid. You don't need to lie"- I just closed my eyes and refused to open them again for a few minutes.

- "I just don't want you to worry, (Y/N). That's all."

- "Do you want to sleep some more? I'm gonna go..."- but as soon as she moved, I stopped her.

- "No"- I looked at her and held her hand immediately. Every muscle in my body hurt with that movement, but I didn't regret it- "Please, don't leave."

- "Ok, I won't go. I promise"- she held my hand and caressed it slowly and smiled so sweetly, I think I even smiled back.

We laid in silence for a while. I closed my eyes again, trying to breathe normally. (Y/N) was lying next to me. That would get my heart racing in a second.

- "The nurse is coming around five. She will put an eye on you every day if you need any medical attention, ok?"- I hummed as a response and kept focused on her fingers playing with my hand- "Maybe we can ask her to help you take a bath."

I wide opened my eyes at those words and noticed how my best friend was blushing.

- "What?"- she chuckled at my reaction- "I can take a bath on my own!"

- "Really? You should consider it then"- she stuck out her tongue to me and giggled- "Though your two days beard is cute"- she ran her fingers along my jaw and sent shivers all over my body. The proximity felt so new, yet incredibly natural, almost familiar.

- "Thanks?"- I answered with a question 'cos I had no idea what else to do. I just stayed still and looked into her eyes. She didn't say another word either. Her eyes were following her fingers, playing with my jawbone slowly.

I wanted to move a little closer to her and hug her, maybe. But I couldn't. Not only because I physically couldn't move without crying, but because her phone rang and made her jump on the bed.

- "Hey! Paco, how are you?"- I heard her pick up the phone in the living room and walk back to me, holding another bottle of Gatorade.

- "No, I'm on a case. In New York. I don't know how long, I wish I could predict how long it's gonna take to catch a fucking serial killer, but I can't."

I looked at her as she walked around the room, talking with Frank. Of course, it was him. She always called him Paco. I slowly sat down on the bed and sighed. I was paranoid about the shower. Maybe I stank. I hadn't bathed since... Saturday. Obviously, I smelled terrible. I had been sweating all night long.

I made my best effort and walked to the bathroom. Everything hurt. When I finally managed to take off my pajamas and ran the shower, I was weary. But the warm water made me feel a lot better.

I took a long shower. Not just because I wanted to stay forever under the warm water, but because I couldn't really move that fast. I washed my hair and considered shaving. But I didn't have a razor on hand, and if (Y/N) liked my tiny beard, I decided to keep it.

- "Hey! everything ok?"- (Y/N) asked from the other side of the door.

- "Yes, I'm ok"- she walked in, and I froze.

- "Ok, I'll leave a clean towel next to the shower, ok? It's warm"

- "Thank you."

I stayed still under the water until she exited the bathroom and nearly held my breath at the thought of her being there with me. It was too much, and to be honest, I was too weak to overthink it. But I knew it was going to be a thought that would hunt me back home.

(Y/N)'s point of view

I sat on the couch and drank my tea after leaving the towel for Spencer in the bathroom. My heart was racing, and that shouldn't be happening. Why was I so affected by my best friend? I knew I was worried, and all my attention was focused on him, but that didn't explain why my stomach fluttered when I looked at him.

- "Put your shit together!!"- I yelled/whispered to myself and shook my head.

Frank had called to know about Spencer, but I had to lie and act like I was at work. I couldn't just tell him what was going on in front of Reid. So I texted him the short version of the fact, and he asked me to keep him posted. He also told me he was going to keep Mikey and Lu away from my apartment those days.

Spencer took a shower and sat with me on the couch. I had cleaned the vomit from the carpet and kept a bucket near in case he felt sick. We read in silence for a while, and I kept checking on him every few minutes. He was nervous and looked anxious. I wasn't going to ask him what was wrong, 'cos it was obvious he was craving Dilaudid, and to be honest, I was scared he might start yelling and getting violent. So, I stood up and prepared him a smoothie. I knew he hated healthy eating, especially salads, but he was doomed. He had to put some vitamins in his body.

He looked at me disgusted as I gave him the glass but drank it quietly and gave it back in a minute. I was impressed.

He threw it up in less than ten minutes, though. So far, not so good.

He also vomited lunch. I knew his whole body ached, so I put on a Star Trek DVD to keep his mind busy in anything else. When the nurse came, she did a brief check-up and told me to continue with the same diet and ibuprofen in case of severe pain. We had to put an eye on dehydration. She also suggested we'd engage in some physical activity as soon as he felt better. Walks to the park were her recommendation.

I couldn't imagine Spencer walking out of the house under those conditions, but I had high hopes by the end of that week, he was going to feel much better.

The second night was worse than the first because his body aches hit him harder. He rolled in bed in pain, shivering. I stayed with him until late, trying to soothe him. I read and caressed his sweated hair. At a certain point, I just sat there with his head on my legs, and he started crying. His tears soaking my legs and his sobs breaking my heart.

I didn't know what to say. I don't know if there was anything to be said at that moment. So I just leaned in and kissed Spencer's temple. I rocked him like a baby and did my best to calm him down. He just kept crying on and on, tearing my soul apart. I couldn't handle watching him like that. I didn't know what to do to help him feel better too. All I could do was be with him throughout the process and hold him tight to make sure I kept all his pieces together. I didn't want him to fall apart.

When I opened my eyes the following day, Spencer was asleep in front of me. He was pale, and the rings under his eyes were darker than ever. But at least, he was finally sleeping.

I stared at him for a few minutes, planning the day. But soon, I realized I couldn't concentrate. I just looked at him. I knew my friend was handsome, even when he always argued when I let him know. But at that moment, he made my heart beat faster. His hair was messy and with some curls. His brown beard kept growing. I had never seen Spencer with facial hair, and I loved it. I wanted to tell him to keep it, but then I thought it might be inappropriate. Not that telling him was wrong, but what he was making me feel.

I refused to think I had a crush on my friend. Because I didn't. I was just worried sick for him, and my head was confused. It wasn't the time to think about that. I had to be a good friend and help Reid. His wellbeing was all that mattered to me.

So I got out of bed and ran to the kitchen to make sure everything was ready. I cooked breakfast and lunch, cleaned, and took a quick shower. I was walking out of the bathroom in my clean clothes when Spencer woke up. He rolled in bed and looked at me, confused.

- "Hey, how are you feeling, honey?"- I whispered and sat next to him on the bed. He yawned and nodded.

- "Better."

- "Great, I hope you are hungry, 'cos breakfast is ready"- he scratched his head and yawned again. And I swear, I had to mentally slap myself because I thought he looked adorable and couldn't stop staring.

- "Do you want to take a shower?"- I asked him and stood up. I had to do anything to keep me from being stupid- "I can also run you a bath. I got some salts that could make you feel better. They might help with your body ache."

- "Thank you"- he whispered and sat down. He just looked at me in silence as I kept myself busy opening curtains, folding blankets, and cleaning the bathroom, to get it ready for him

- "Did you sleep?"- he asked me suddenly- "You look tired."

- "Nah, I'm ok. I think I went too heavy on the coffee earlier."

- "How long have you been up?"- I looked at my wristwatch and sighed.

- "A couple of hours."

It was ten. I got up at eight. Spencer had finally fallen asleep at five. It didn't take a genius to see I hadn't slept properly.

- "Why don't you nap?"- he asked and tapped on the bed- "You look like you could use some more sleep"- that was tempting, I won't deny it. But no. I couldn't.

- "Tell you what, why don't you eat something and then we can watch a movie together?"- Spencer nodded and moved slowly. That's when I remembered he felt like shit.

- "Come here"- I stood by his side and held his hands- "Can you stand up?"

- "Yes"- he whispered and tried to move on his own. His legs were shaking, and so were his hands. He did his best to stand up, and after a few tries on his own, he succeeded. But after giving two steps alone, he stumbled and nearly fell.

- "I've got you!"- I said, wrapping my arms around him and keeping him steady. His whole face was red, in anger maybe, or embarrassment. I didn't want to push him to talk or do anything. I just made sure he wouldn't fall.

- "Wanna stay in bed?"- I suggested

- "No"- he murmured and took a step ahead

- "Ok, let's go to the living room then."

Spencer didn't reply. I was sure he was ashamed and upset. I just walked with him to the living room, trying to think of anything else: anything but the butterflies in my stomach.

It was getting harder to ignore the mental fuzziness I felt each time I looked at him. But I refused to think about it. It wasn't the right time.

But it got worse that evening.

We spent the whole day on my sofa, napping, reading, and watching Star Trek. I was getting dinner ready when Spencer's phone rang. We both stayed still. He looked at me with widened eyes, almost scared. I smiled and walked to my room to get the phone. It was JJ.

I'm not proud to say it, but an overwhelming sensation of insecurity and concern filled my body. Why was JJ calling Spencer? Were they closer than I thought? I don't know why I kept thinking all those things.

- "It's JJ"- I announced and gave him his phone. He hesitated for a moment and finally picked up. I walked back to the kitchen and poured myself a glass of water. What was wrong with me?

- "Mom is fine, thank you for calling"- I heard him say and closed my eyes. I had to focus on the food. I had to focus on helping him get better.

Why was I so upset JJ had called him? It was nice to know more people cared about him. Not as much as I did, of course.

- "Sure, I tell her. I'll see you in a couple of days"

I walked back to the living room carrying a tray with soup and salads. Spencer sat down properly and looked at me with a small smile.

- "I know you hate veggies, but you are doomed"- I whispered, reading his mind- "These are packed with all the vitamins and minerals your body needs."

- "Thank you"- he murmured and kept his eyes on me until I sat next to him and grabbed my bowl.

- "How was JJ?"- I had to ask. He cleared his throat and played with the lettuce on his dish for a moment before saying.

- "She was ok. She wanted to know if everything was ok with my mom."

- "Oh"- I didn't know what else to say. I tried no to think about it anymore, 'cos it was useless.

- "I kind of felt bad everybody swallowed our story"- Spencer confessed and sighed.

- "That's because I make up the best lies, honey,"- I smiled at him, but he just stared- "Everything ok?"

- "I'm not hungry"

- "Come on, at least have the soup, please?"

- "I don't want to barf all over your carpet, again"- he whispered and kept playing with the lettuce.

- "What if I tell you I made brownies? and you can have a brownie if you eat the soup?"- Spencer bit his lips and shook his head.

- "Why are you treating me like a kid?"

- "I am not! I'm blackmailing you with sugar as I would do under any other circumstance."-

And I wasn't lying. I would definitely try to force him to eat or do something with the promise of a brownie.

- "So? What do you say? Eat that soup, and we'll have brownies... with vanilla ice cream."

Reid stared into my eyes, and I held my breath. He was so pale, so thin. And yet, so beautiful.

- "If I vomit..."

- "If you vomit, you vomit. No hard feelings"- I smiled and tapped on his leg- "Besides, you need to get some vitamins in your body. You are too thin."

He didn't reply. He started eating slowly and kept watching Star Trek in silence.

Spencer successfully ate his bowl of soup and ate a little bit of the salad. I knew he hates veggies, so I didn't push him. As a reward, I prepared a big tray with brownies with ice cream, chocolate sauce, and hot chocolate with marshmallows and put it on the coffee table in front of us. We were about to start eating when we heard a knock on the door.

- "That's the nurse"- I said and stood up quickly. But I was wrong. It was Paul.

- "Babe... hey"- he smiled at me as soon as I opened the door and tried to walk in. But I didn't let him.

- "What are you doing here?"- I stood at the door and raised an eyebrow. I knew we didn't have a bad breakup, but after what he had said that night, I was afraid he might freak out to see Spencer in his pajamas watching tv on my couch.

- "I couldn't stop thinking about what happened the other night, and..."- he made a pause and looked inside- "What are you doing?"

- "I'm having dinner"

- "Alone?"- I didn't answer- "Can I come in?"

- "No"

- "Are you with someone? are you on a date?"- Paul pushed the door and stormed into my apartment. Reid turned around and looked at him, embarrassed.

- "What the fuck do you think you are doing? get out of my house!"- I grabbed my ex-boyfriend's sleeve and stopped him.

- "Hey, Paul"- Spencer waved from the couch, looking scared. His shoulders were tightened, and his eyes wide opened.

- "What is this nerd doing here?"- Paul turned to me, ignoring my friend.

- "What are you doing here? That's the question!"

- "I wanted to apologize for what happened the other day."

- "Well, sorry to crack the news, but if this is an apology, it sucks!"- I swear, I could feel my pulse speeding- "And there is nothing to talk or forgive, we broke up, and it was ok!"

- "Yeah, and now the nerd is here to make you feel better!"

- "You have no idea what you are talking about! And would appreciate it if you stop calling him that!!"- I freaked out and clenched my fist. I was going to lose it with him.

- "Good luck with the Ice Princess here!!"- Paul yelled at Reid- "If you are lucky, she is gonna hug you once!!"

- "Get out!"- I stood by the open door and slammed it as soon as he had left. My hands were shaking, my lips were quivering, and my eyes were tearing up.

- "Are you... are you ok?"- Spencer stood up and walked to me. He stumbled a little but managed to hold me. I didn't reply. I just broke into tears.

Why was I crying if I was glad I had broken up with Paul? Why was I so upset to see him at my house? Why was I shaking in anger?

Maybe I was just human, and I was tired of all the shit. Perhaps I was just sleepy or stressed with everything going on with Reid. Or the fact he kept thinking I had feelings for my best friend was too much for me.

Even the fact he called me "Ice Princess" hurt me. Yes, I wasn't a very physical person with him. But that was just because I wasn't in love with him.

For a few minutes, I just cried, soaking Spencer's pajamas as he held me tight, just like I had done for him the night before.

- "I'm sorry"- I whispered and sighed. I let him go and fixed my hair- "I shouldn't let Paul affect me so much, but I wasn't expecting to see him."

- "What happened?"- Spencer held my hand and took me to the couch with him. He handed me a dish with brownie and melted ice cream, and a spoon.

- "We broke up a few days ago."- my best friend looked at me in silence as his shaky thumb wiped off the tears on my cheeks.

- "I was actually planning dinner with the guys to give them the news, 'cos I knew they would like to celebrate... but that doesn't matter. You were right; I didn't love him. I don't know why I was still dating him."

- "I'm sorry"- he whispered and carefully wrapped me on a blanket.

- "Don't be. I really wanted to break up with him. I was just scared to lose who I used to be..."

- "You are never going to lose who you are, (Y/N)"- Spencer whispered and cut me a smile- "Frankie, Lu, and Mikey would never let that happen"- I sighed and nodded- "I won't let that happen either."

- "Thank you, honey"- I grabbed the spoon and took a big piece of brownie- "You know what bothers me? I don't know why I'm crying so much! I'm not sad! I'm angry!"

- "Actually, when you get mad, your body produces a flood of hormones that stimulate strong reactions in your body, like racing your heart and getting sweaty palms. In response to the elevated stress level, crying stimulates the release of oxytocin and prolactin. These two chemicals can bring your heart rate down and otherwise calm you after a stressful event."

- "Well, my fucking body makes me look weak and stupid!"

- "You could never look weak..."- Spencer hesitated for a second. It felt like he wanted to add something to those words but finally just stayed quiet.

- "Thank you, honey bunny. You are the best friend I could ever ask for."

- "Don't say that. You are the best friend I could have ever asked for."

We just stared for a few seconds. His eyes on mine, my hands still shaking, though I didn't know why.

It was a moment I knew I could never forget, 'cos it was the moment I first considered kissing Spencer.

It was a thought that only lasted for a second, but it was there. And like a seed planted on my brain, once I knew it was there, it could only grow and hunt me, like a ghost.

Spencer's point of view

My heart ached to see (Y/N) crying because of an asshole who never deserved her. And it also jumped of joy knowing she was no longer dating that jerk. I knew I could never make a move on her, but just to know she wasn't stuck with him made me happy.

But the fact she had gone through all that alone and didn't even talk about it for four days because she was too busy taking care of me made me feel awful. I didn't deserve any of that.

- "How are you feeling?"- she whispered and smiled at me after finishing her brownie- "Want me to heat your cocoa?"

- "I'm ok, thank you"

I stared at her in silence and decided to make the boldest move I have ever made with her, and opened my arm for her so that she could cuddle. She didn't hesitate and moved closer. I wrapped an arm around her, and her head rested on my chest. And trying not to make it look like a big deal, I also held her hand and caressed her skin, tracing random patterns on it.

- "I'm sorry for being such a bad friend"- I said and kissed the top of her head. I didn't plan it. I just did it. And it felt so good.

- "Don't say that."

- "I've been an asshole since Tobias."

- "You haven't... I mean, you have, but you had your reasons"- she made a pause and sighed. I knew something was bothering her, and I was hoping it wasn't our position because I loved how her warm body felt against mine.

- "Honey?"- she whispered, and I hummed as a response- "Would you call me a cold person?"

- "Never..."

- "I know I'm not a physical person, but..."

- "Me neither, and look at us"- I pointed out the obvious, and she softly giggled. He raised her head from my chest and turned to look at me. I swear all I could think of that minute was kissing her.

- "I am more loving with you than I ever was with Paul"- she confessed and sighed. Her eyes were sad. Clearly, what he had said to her had affected her more than she wanted to admit.

- "He didn't deserve it anyway"- she added and moved back to lay her head on my chest- "You do."

And after that, we just stayed like that, hugged on the couch, until the nurse knocked on the door.

- "You look much better"- I smiled at the nurse and nodded- "Still nauseous?"

- "Yes, but not as much as yesterday"- I whispered and looked at her, wrapping the blood pressure cuff around my arm, right next to all the marks I left with the needles. I wanted to hide them from everyone, and I thanked (Y/N) wasn't in the room. Of all people, she was the one I didn't want to see those marks the most.

- "They are going to fade soon"- the nurse whispered. I wasn't too subtle with my reaction, I guess. I just nodded and looked away.

- "Your girlfriend is taking excellent care of you. You are a fortunate guy"- I'm sure I blushed and turned to her immediately.

- "She... she is... she is not my girlfriend"- I felt I needed to explain it, I don't know why.

- "Really?"- and the nurse seemed to be in shock- "She surely loves you."

- "She is my best friend"- I whispered and felt how my heart was nearly bursting inside my chest.

- "You are lucky to have her"- she added, and I agreed.

I knew I was lucky. Even when (Y/N) wasn't my girlfriend, I knew I had to be with her. Always.

After thirteen days of home detox, I was back to being my old self again. I felt happy, healthy, and strong. I don't think I had ever felt that good before.

I loved spending those days with (Y/N), and I was pretty bummed I had to go back to my apartment the next day. The fact I had lived with her for two weeks was incredible. I knew it all happened under dark and miserable circumstances, but it had been life-changing.

Now I knew everything I wanted to know about her to help me make her day better and all her little quirks. Her favorite brands of tea, her favorite snacks. How she liked to take the last cup of tea of the day in bed, reading. Her favorite bands. How she always cooked singing. She always slept on her left side. And how after all those days, we would be so comfortable together, we would cuddle naturally, even without asking.

I don't want to overreact, but it was pretty heavenly to me, like the sensation I felt with the romantic poems mom used to read to me when I was little. Just don't tell anyone I said that.

- "Ok, dinner is ready"- (Y/N) announced and took the lasagna from the oven. I held a bowl of salad and walked with her to the dining room.

- "What do you wanna drink?"

- "A glass of wine, you?"

- "Red or white?"- I asked her and walked back to the kitchen. I didn't even wait for her answer. I took the white and two glasses. She smiled and sat down.

- "This looks amazing, (Y/N)"- and I wasn't lying.

- "Wait until you see dessert, we have three colors of Jell-O"- the fact she knew I loved jello wasn't what got me. It was how happy she looked to spoil me with my favorite dessert.

- "Thank you for cooking all my favorite meals."

- "You are welcome, honey bunny"- I smiled at her and poured a glass of wine for her and one for me.

- "Can I ask you something?"- I whispered, and she nodded- "Why do you call me honey bunny?"- she looked from her dish and giggled.

- "It took you forever to ask."

- "Well... I didn't want you to think I didn't like it..."

- "You don't?"- I wide opened my eyes and shook my head frenetically.

- "No! I love it! I just... don't know... where does it come from? You said I gave you the "honey bunny" vibes, but... what does that mean?"- (Y/N) chewed her lasagna and looked at me.

- "Well, I always loved that nickname. I thought it was adorable and never used it on anyone because no one ever gave me that vibe. I had never met my honey bunny before."

"My Honey Bunny." That woman was killing me, and she had no idea.

- "And I took it from Pulp Fiction"- she finally confessed and waited for my reaction- "Have you seen it?"

- "No"- I admitted and shrugged.

- "Then we are watching it after dinner tonight"- (Y/N) decided, and I nodded- "You still don't give me a nickname, by the way."

She had no idea, but I had a list of nicknames for her. I had written all the cute names I wanted to call on a notebook I kept in my satchel. But I didn't dare. I could call her cute names in my head all the time, but never out loud.

- "You don't have to do it if you don't want to, by the way"- she added and kept eating.

- "I have never done it before"- I accepted, feeling embarrassed- "Sorry."

- "Why are you sorry?"

- "I don't want you to think I don't want to call you by a loving nickname. I just..."

- "Come on, how would you call me? Do I give you any nickname vibe?"- I chuckled, and she smiled childishly.

- "I really like the story behind "nugget." I think it's brilliant"- she shook her head, and her cheeks blushed- "But for you... I think I have three options."

- "So you've given it some thoughts!"- I nodded and took a sip of wine- "Let me hear them."

- "Well... after that case in Oregon when you got lost in the woods, I thought I could call you "chipmunk"- I confessed and watched her face light up.

- "I love that!"

- "Really?"- I chuckled and looked at her holding my breath- "Well... then I remembered how we became friends and your obsession with cupcakes, so I thought I could call you that."

- "I love that too!!"

- "And..."- since I was honest, I took it a little further- "After last Halloween, and all the carving we did, and our movie marathon, I thought "pumpkin" was pretty sweet too."

(Y/N) sighed and smiled at me, her cheeks blushing and her eyes shining.

- "They are all awesome, so you should use them all, and I can look for more nicknames for you"- I simply stared at her and felt how my heart melted.

- "Ok"- I whispered, and she raised an eyebrow playfully.

- "Ok, what?"

- "Ok... pumpkin"- I whispered and held my breath at the sound of those words leaving my lips.

She really didn't have a clue about what she did to me.

DIWK Taglist:

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Spencer taglist

@calm-and-doctor

General Taglist

@spenxerslut @ash19871962 @babebenhardy

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Next update: May 19th, 2021

[imaginejamesandsirius]

Hey i love your stories! Can you please write a fanfic where after Lily rejects James yet again, Sirius starts to give James hints that he is into him. Also make Harry time travel to the past while all this is happening. And Harry witnesses a cute Prongsfoot or Jirius or Starbucks. And learns the truth about himself that us parents are James Potter and Sirius Black ?

((A/N: Trans Sirius-- with a brief mention of a trans pregnancy since most of this fic takes place in Hogwarts))

Sirius rubbed a hand in circles against James's back for comfort. Or at least, he hoped it was comforting him, but he wasn't sure if it was having the intended effect. "It's not that bad, mate," Sirius said.

"She looked at me like she wanted nothing more than for me to drop dead," James muttered.

Sirius swallowed and plucked up some courage-- he was always in short supply of it when it came to James. "That's what I mean. She's not interested. Maybe it's time for you to... try with someone else. Someone that already knows you and likes you for it."

"Mm. Yeah," James said, sounding resigned, "maybe." He looked over at Sirius with a small, sad smile. "What happened to 'don't worry about it, Prongs, she'll come around'?"

"You're miserable like this," Sirius said. "If chasing after her is going to make you this sad, I don't care if you end up happily married with five kids, ten years from now. I would rather you be happy now, and only get more happy in the next ten years, rather than be utterly miserable in the beginning."

James laughed, and his smile lost the sadness. "Thanks, Padfoot."

That was more progress than he'd had in the last year. He smiled back.

*

"You make it sound like there's someone just waiting to date me," James said. They were laid out on the Quidditch Pitch, looking up at the cloudy sky. They'd started by pointing out the clouds that they found shapes in, then they started making up elaborate lies for what they saw, then the conversation-- as it so often did when they were talking without direction-- turned to Lily. From there, James admitted that he thought Sirius was right about not trying to date her anymore, and Sirius told him that he would have better opportunities in the future.

"Maybe there is," Sirius said, feeling like his throat had something stuck in it. "Have you taken a look around lately? You're great, and I'm sure someone has noticed that-"

"Mister Potter!"

They both sat up. Professor McGonagall was striding towards them, so they scrambled to their feet. "We're allowed to be out here," James said, sounding both defensive and confused. They weren't going to get in trouble, were they? It wasn't after hours, and the Quidditch Pitch wasn't off limits.

"You need to come with me, immediately."

"I didn't do anything wrong for once," James said, sounding more confused than ever. Sirius felt much the same.

"You are not in trouble," she said, sounding frustrated. "There's a matter the Headmaster needs to see you about."

James started forward, and Sirius did too.

"Your presence is not required, Mister Black," she said.

Sirius stopped in his tracks, blinking at her. Where James went, he went. The professors hardly bothered to give them separate detentions anymore, since they knew there was no point in it. He shared a look with James, and they both shrugged. James left with Professor McGonagall, and Sirius sank back onto the pitch.

Well. Sod everything. He felt like he'd been about to make some progress. James barely thought about other people as a romantic option, and he certainly didn't think of Sirius that way. He'd been about to broach it as a possibility. A very minor possibility. Barely a nudge in the right direction.

He knew what would happen if he told James flat out that he was interested in him: panic and rejection. James would panic when he heard that Sirius fancied him because he hadn't expected it, and when James heard something he didn't expect of this magnitude, he'd run away. James only ran when it was family. His parents. Sirius. Nobody else. Sirius wasn't quite sure when he became part of 'family' and not simply 'best mate', and he didn't know if it excluded him from being a possible partner or not. Once James started thinking about other people, it would be easier to see if he stood half a chance.

*

Harry could never remember seeing his parents. He'd known them when he was a baby, obviously, but that had been it. The complete beginning and end of his time with them. He didn't have any memories. All he had were the photos that Hagrid had kindly given him, and the handful of stories that people had told him. The pictures were great. Harry could look through them a dozen times and not be bored. The stories were barely existent. They were tidbits more than anything else. 'Your father loved Quidditch' and 'your mother was clever'. They weren't full stories about a prank his father had done, or something his mother had done while she was Head Girl. No stories. Just personality traits. He wanted... more. More memories for his parents that were long gone.

He wanted to feel some sort of connection to them. He hadn't meant for that to be taken to an entirely new level, but he should hardly be surprised that his magic had led him to it. Led him directly to his parents at Hogwarts, while they were in sixth year.

"I didn't mean for this to happen," Harry said apologetically to Professor Dumbledore, but he couldn't take his eyes off his father. He was only a couple years younger here than he was in the most recent photos Harry had of him. It was strange to think that only a few years from now, the teenager in front of him would be a father. Harry tried to imagine himself doing that, and he couldn't.

"I'm your father?" James asked numbly.

"Yeah," Harry said, adding a nod unnecessarily.

"Who's your mother?"

"Lily Evans."

James's eyes went wide. "Evans? That's- that's not possible. She won't give me the time of day."

"I've been told that you start getting on in the next year or two."

"Told?" Professor McGonagall asked, and Harry hesitated.

"I'm not sure I should say," he hedged.

"Mister Potter," Professor Dumbledore said, and Harry looked over automatically, but the Headmaster was talking to his father. "Could you wait outside for a minute?"

For a second, it looked like he was going to refuse. A small part of Harry hoped that he would, that he'd demand to spend as much time with his future son as he could. But the moment passed and he gave a short nod before leaving the room.

*

"He's my kid from the future!" James hissed into the mirror.

Sirius's eyes went wide. He looked as shocked as James had felt. "What?"

"That's not all. He said that his mum is Evans!"

"What?"

"Apparently we start getting on in the next year or so. He didn't get to tell me more before they made leave the room, but can you imagine? Me and Evans? It was starting to feel like a fantasy, but- I guess we make it."

"Yeah."

He was so excited that he didn't notice how subdued Sirius was. "Merlin, Pads, it's incredible! I can't wait to get to know him. He'll love you. I bet you haven't changed a bit," he said, grinning.

"Ha, yeah, sounds like me."

James heard footsteps on the stairway. "Got to go."

"B-"

He tapped the mirror to end the connection before Sirius could finish getting the word out. He'd apologise for it later, if Sirius was feeling peeved. He shoved the mirror back in his robes. Some of the professors knew that they had them, but there was no reason to wave it around under their noses and risk it being confiscated.

*

By some stroke of fate, Harry got to be alone with Sirius. It made him feel more comfortable than anyone else. He didn't know why, because it's not like Sirius as a teenager was anything like Sirius as an adult. He didn't have the weight of Azkaban on him. He had none of the death, none of the experiences from war. Not to say that he was innocent and carefree here. His parents were utter rubbish, and he'd already run away to live with Harry's father and grandparents.

He was so different that at times, it seemed like he was a different person altogether, but his laugh was the same. When he laughed, Harry knew that he was the same person underneath it all.

It just... made him feel better to be around him.

"Missing home?" Sirius asked. They'd been told to stay inside. Naturally, Sirius had suggested they go out to the Great Lake. Harry had never done it before; it wasn't safe for him, not in his time with who he was. It was beautiful though, with the night sky clear and reflecting on the surface.

"No," Harry said. 

Sirius raised an eyebrow in doubt.

"Missing my friends."

"Ah. I can understand that." Sirius retrieved a pack of smokes from his pocket. He tapped one out into his hand and offered it to Harry.

He hesitated before accepting it. "I've never had one before," he admitted, figuring that it was obvious in the way he was holding it.

"Too afraid your parents will catch you?" Sirius asked with a grin, like the idea of Harry not wanting to get in trouble with his parents was very amusing to him.

"Not really. More like... who would have offered one to me? I'm barely passing my classes with how busy I am."

"Busy with what?" Sirius asked. He didn't think it was a question that was like walking into a minefield, but it was.

"Can't say," Harry said. "How do I light this?"

Sirius snorted, but not unkindly. He flicked out a finger, a flame dancing above his skin. It reminded Harry of when he'd met Remus on the train to Hogwarts in third year and he'd been holding fire above his palm as easy as anything. He lit the end of Harry's cigarette. "Don't try to take too much at once. Small puffs until you get used to it."

Harry smoked the whole thing, chatting back and forth with Sirius. Mostly it was Sirius laughing at him and Harry asking for advice on how to hold it and asking if it was supposed to taste this bad-- the answer was yes.

"So do we get on?" Sirius asked, after he'd vanished the butts and they were just sitting by the lakeside again with nothing to do. "In your time?"

"I'm not supposed to say," Harry said, clamming up.

"Oh, c'mon. It's not the end of the bloody universe if you tell me that I do alright as a godfather. You must like me at least a little bit, if you're spending time with me now. Or I guess you could be running away from your lovebird parents with the eyes they're making at each other," he added, sounding too bitter about it considering he was talking to their son. A son who, as far as he could tell, loved his parents very dearly, even if he wasn't allowed to give any sort of details or stories.

"Do you not like them together?" Harry asked.

"Hard to dislike something you've never seen," he grumbled. "You know who you remind me of?" he asked suddenly.

"My dad?" Harry replied wryly.

"I was going to say my younger brother, actually. Regulus."

"You have a brother? I mean, I knew that you did, but. Well, you've barely mentioned him before."

"Hm," Sirius said shortly. He'd kind of hoped that Regulus left their parents too. In the future, that is. Evidently, it was a hope that never panned out. "Well. That's who you remind me of," he said, throwing on a grin that he didn't feel but looked fine enough. "The hair might be Potter, but your face screams Black."

Harry laughed. "I've never heard that one before. I'll have to remember it when I get back. Ron will get a kick out of it."

"That your best mate?"

"Yeah. He's been with me through everything. Most everything," Harry amended, because there had been that spat during the beginning of the Triwizard Tournament.

"I take it that's an 'everything' I don't get to know about?"

"Yeah."

"I hope I handle it well while it's happening then. Since I know you come out of it alright," he said, nudging Harry with his elbow.

Harry grinned knowingly.

"Ugh, don't tell me I become a swot in my old age," Sirius groaned.

"Not at all. You're just protective."

"That makes sense. You're James's kid, after all. And you do have this air about you that says you need looking after."

"And so you offered me a smoke?"

"I've always been a rebel, even to my own instincts," Sirius said loftily.

Harry laughed again.

They quieted, and a chill wind stirred their hair.

"I've always wondered-" Harry started to say, then stopped himself.

"What?"

"I'm not supposed to ask questions that give you hints about my time. No matter how much I might want to know the answer," he tacked on with a mutter.

"Couldn't you ask me when you get back?"

"Like you'd tell me if I did. You're so evasive sometimes."

"I'm evasive, but what I'm more of right now is curious. Ask me what you wanted to know, and we'll keep it between us. I won't even tell James, and if you remember us from your time, I'm sure you realise what a unique offer this is."

Harry only gave a small smile. "You sure?"

"I don't know if you noticed that I didn't promise to answer," Sirius said with a smirk.

"Oh come on. I'm asking something I'm not supposed to ask, and you won't promise your favourite godson an answer?"

"I don't remember you being my favourite godson yet."

Harry put his hands together in a pleading fashion.

"Merlin, you look like Regulus. He used to use that face on me back before Hogwarts." And it had always worked. "Fine, what did you want to ask?"

"Do you fancy someone? As far as I know, you've never dated or- been interested in anyone."

Sirius clapped a hand on Harry's back. "Sorry to have to disappoint you, Prongslet." He got to his feet and stretched his arms over his head. Wow. As if it wasn't enough to know that he didn't end up with James, he had to learn that he never moved on. He stood on the sidelines and pined uselessly. Great. "I'm going back inside, and I get the feeling not to leave you alone."

Harry gave a faint smile. He knew that he'd overstepped, but there was no taking it back. Sirius didn't seem to be too upset with him, so he'd be grateful for that much at least. "Probably for the best."

*

"You feeling alright?" Sirius asked quietly. Everybody else was asleep. If they were smart, they would've casted a silencing spell around their curtains, but there was never any guarantee. Besides, Sirius didn't know if that etiquette was the same in Harry's time as it was here.

Professor Dumbledore and Professor McGonagall had agreed to let Harry stay in their dormitory with them (if none of them minded, which, of course, they didn't). The house elves had brought up an extra bed for Harry to sleep in, so they didn't even have to come up with new sleeping arrangements.

"I thought you'd be over the moon that you and Evans end up together," he continued, when James didn't jump at the opportunity to tell him what was wrong.

"Yeah, I thought so too," James whispered back. "And I was at first."

"Then what's wrong?"

He reached up and ruffled his hair. He knew that Evans didn't like it when he did that, so he'd started stopping himself from doing it when they were out in the corridors or in class. "I'd been thinking about what you were saying. About moving on and dating someone else. Or at least looking at someone else. It had started to sound fun, y'know? Besides, she's a prefect and... tightlaced. I don't really know how much fun we'd have together." He breathed in, then out, sounding tired. Tired beyond the fact that it was late and in spite of there being no classes today, it had been a long day. "I guess it works out," he said, but he didn't sound convinced.

"It's just me here," Sirius reminded him, bumping their shoulders together.

"Lily's great, right? She's beautiful and smart, and she's definitely the catch of the school. I'd be totally lucky to date her. I was just really starting to believe that we weren't right for each other. I guess it's not sitting right because I was starting to accept that it was never going to happen. And- okay don't tell Harry this, but I don't think he looks that much like her."

Sirius nodded. "I was thinking the same thing."

"Right?" James said, invigorated by Sirius agreeing with him. "He looks like you!" He wasn't so excited that he didn't remember to keep his voice down, but the route he went made Sirius frown a little.

Yes, he'd thought that Harry looked a bit like Regulus, but he'd figured that was him projecting protective instincts and misplaced family feelings or whatever the fuck. "You think?"

"Are you kidding? You have the same smile."

"Oh well in that case, there's no one I'd rather raise a kid with," Sirius said, too honest but able to make it a joke with a smile and another nudge to James.

"Me either," James said, nudging him back with a grin.

Harry silently watched the exchange. He wanted to feel some sort of sadness or betrayal that James didn't want to be with his mother, but... well, he was starting to suspect that maybe Lily wasn't his mother. Lily hadn't looked very much in the photos like Aunt Petunia, but there had been a familial resemblance. He'd even been able to link it between Lily and Dudley, no matter how much he's sometimes wished he could unsee it.

He'd spent hours trying to find his own similarities to his family, and he'd never managed it. Not with Lily or the Dursley's, at least. Everyone said that he looked like James, and it was an easy connection to make. Mrs. Weasley had taken a picture of him with Sirius once, and every time he looked at it, he'd felt like he finally had someone he could call family. There were a lot of Black family members, weren't there? Maybe someone in his family tree was Harry's mother. It sounded ridiculous to say on its own, but it made more sense to him than Lily did right now.

He'd try to get some sleep tonight. He wasn't sure how well that would work, but in the morning, he'd see if he could learn more. He was supposed to go back to Professor Dumbledore's office in the morning to see if they could learn more about how to get him back to his own time. If anyone would know how to check who his real parents were, it would be the Headmaster.

His father and godfather had gone to bed a while ago, and there was only the sound of breathing to fill the otherwise silent room. He would've preferred if there was someone talking. Not necessarily Sirius, just somebody. He didn't usually have this problem. Ron had a tendency to talk in his sleep. They usually weren't fully formed words, just syllables that never went anywhere. He hadn't realised how much he'd gotten used to it in the Hogwarts dormitory until now, when it was gone.

He'd been pretty confident in his plan until then, feeling alone in the quiet of the room with people that barely knew him. Also that cigarette he'd smoked made him feel icky, and he didn't think it had gotten out of his system yet.

He wasn't sure there was anything to test. Everyone had believed him the second he said he was James Potter's son. When he'd said that his other parent was Lily, they had paused and looked closer at him before deciding to move on with their questions. He'd thought, originally, that it was because they couldn't believe James and Lily got together. Now he wasn't sure. In fact, he was sure that that had nothing to do with it. It's because he didn't look like her.

The only one that had accepted it straight away was James, and he'd changed his mind later, thinking that Harry didn't look that much like Lily. And with the way he'd been talking to Sirius, Harry wouldn't be surprised if Sirius was his other parent. Well, that's a lie. He'd be very surprised. Mostly because there wouldn't have been any reason for Sirius to keep it from him. Even if they'd had a good reason to tell the lie to begin with, there wouldn't have been any point by the time Sirius and Harry finally met.

None of this made any sense, and the people in this time couldn't even answer his questions; none of them knew why they would've lied, or the circumstances surrounding the things they could've possibly lied about.

He rolled onto his other side and sighed. Why couldn't his life ever be simple? He'd always thought that he knew his parents were, and he was pretty sure he'd been wrong about that. Did he have any proof? No, not yet, but he didn't really have proof that he was Lily's son, either. Everyone said it, but what did that mean in a world where he'd somehow been entered into the Triwizard Tournament under a fourth school that didn't exist, had magic that he hadn't known about for the first ten years of his life, and had time traveled decades, something he'd been told in no uncertain terms was impossible.

He woke up the next day, half expecting to find that he'd gone back to his own time without doing anything.

He sat up and looked around. Nope. Peter was doing his tie in the mirror, and Remus was walking around like a zombie. He glanced towards the other two beds and saw that their curtains were still drawn.

*

Harry went back to the future. He said gave goodbyes to everyone, but with Sirius, he hugged him tight like he never wanted to go. "I know it doesn't mean anything to you right now," he said quietly, as he was holding on, "but I love you. And I'm not mad." He'd given Sirius a squeeze before letting go, followed by a sad smile, and then he turned to go into the Headmaster's office.

Sirius didn't know how to feel about that as a goodbye. Sure, he didn't know Harry that well, so the preface of 'doesn't mean anything to you right now' made sense, but why had he been so sad about it? And for that matter, Sirius already knew that Harry was his godson. The love was pretty heavily implied. What did he mean about not being mad? What would he have been mad about? Maybe that's what he'd meant about Sirius not understanding right now. Of course, if that was true, then it didn't make sense why he'd said 'I love you' first. Maybe he'd done it because he felt it was more important than him not being mad. None of it made any sense to him.

He was sure he'd understand. It would only take ten years or so.

*

Well, it didn't take ten years, but Sirius finally figured it out. When he got pregnant. Pregnant and vulnerable, and in the middle of a war.

He was pregnant, and Lily looked him straight in the eye and said, "We'll tell everyone it's me."

"What?" he asked, numb and not wanting to jump to the wrong conclusion.

"You and James have been hiding your relationship because it's not safe. This won't be any better, and you'll need help. We can tell everyone that I'm the one who's pregnant, that way you're safe. When the war ends, we can be honest, but for now..."

This is why Harry had thought his other parent was Lily. They'd told everyone that she was. Something must have happened to make it where they couldn't tell the truth. Some part of the spell gone wrong or summat, and that was enough to make Sirius hesitate, but not enough to make him say anything other than, "If you're sure," because Harry did live long enough to be a teenager this way, and that wasn't guaranteed if he said no.

When he told James what Lily offered, all he did was hold Sirius and kiss his head. "If you're sure," he said, and Sirius laughed a little. He wasn't sure about this, but what other choice did they have? “Whatever you need to do to feel safe, we’ll do it. Anything for you, love, you know that.”

[levisgirll]

Oh can I request a scenario? I've read that some people headcanon Levi as person who isn't really into marriage. And that got me thinking about this. A scenario in where Levi and his s/o mutually break things off because she always wanted to be a wife and have a lovely wedding and to have her husband's last name and he didn't want any of that causing her to think there was no future with him . So they become distant friends and she does get married years later and he is invited. And it's bittersweet since he feels like he might have missed out on a future with her but seeing her so happy he's content with her living her dreams even if it wasn't with him.

I'm here for some bittersweet love ❣️

𝐎𝐮𝐫 𝐁𝐢𝐭𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐰𝐞𝐞𝐭 𝐋𝐨𝐯𝐞 (𝐋𝐞𝐯𝐢 𝐀𝐜𝐤𝐞𝐫𝐦𝐚𝐧 𝐱 𝐅𝐞𝐦!𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫)

➧text: hello there!! oh my god this is such a unique request I got and I love your ideas in this request?! aHH WELL HERE WE GO! but oml- we do need some drama/angst and some bittersweet love with Levi and Y/N so I will happily write this request out for you (was lowkey wanting to do one) so I hope you enjoy this request and I hope its not that bad!! 😭 but once again, thank you so much for sending me your request and for supporting my blog 🥺❤️❤️ I am so sorry this took a while as I got this request while I was starting my new job and it was hard to balance out my personal life and work life! but I am kind of getting the hang of it so feel free to send another request, I really do love your ideas! <3

synopsis: after a long time being in a relationship together, with Levi. Things start to slowly drift apart and shatter. Levi although, tries to keep it stable, but it has eventually been called and broken off by Y/N, as you were not able to handle the situation anymore, thinking there would be no future with Levi had made you upset and making you want to get out of the relationship. Y/N ends up finding the one, and marrying them. How does Levi react and feel? His one and only love taken away by a stranger leaves him devastated. What does Levi do? What does Levi say to Y/N.

angst, sad/happy love, modern au world, headcanon fanfic ♡ —

After the war, and everything they have been throughout the years, Y/N and Levi decided to move and live together outside Paradis and start a new life there.

It has been a year, and Levi and Y/N have been dating for rather a pretty long time. Things have been pretty good in their relationship, both were happy and living their lives.

Y/N has been thinking a lot lately about marriage though, and especially with her one and only, Levi. Y/N would get lost in her thoughts of how they would officially live together as a married couple, how she would finally be Levi’s wife instead of his girlfriend. She would also wonder and think how lovely and special their wedding would be, how Levi would propose to his girl, and for Y/N at long last have her husband’s last name, being called Mrs. Ackerman would get her all blushed up.

Levi noticed for a while how his girlfriend would zone out, thinking about something and he would wonder what it is that is making his girlfriend so happy and squeal. Y/N was on the coach, while hugging around the coach pillow so tightly and then giggle.

“What’s making you smile like a cute idiot?” He said with a small smile and ruffed his girlfriends hair as he sat beside her on the coach and Levi put his arm around her waist, bringing his lovely girlfriend closer to him.

Levi would not complain though, seeing his girlfriend in this mood, made him think of nothing else but her, and it made him so happy too. He just wanted to cuddle her up and smooch her whole face up as she laughs.

Y/N then wondered and though, ‘Maybe, maybe it’s the time now!’ Y/N then thought of brining and slipping in the topic of marriage into their conversation. 

She said turning her face around to face Levi’s handsome looking face and she said in a cheerful tone, “Welll, I was thinking about the future lately.” Levi then frowned, indicating with his expression that he was confused as to what his girlfriend meant by future.

“What do you mean love?” Levi was direct and straight-forward, he wanted to know what his lover meant by what she said. Was she going to leave him? Did she had other plans for the future? He was starting to overthink.

“Y-You know!” Y/N said all blushed up, and as she was about to get up, he held on her wrist. “Nope, you are not going till you tell me love.” Levi was determined to know, and that lead to Y/N sighing and finally speaking her thoughts. She started to then throw him a marriage hint at him.

“I just, want us to be more serious about our relationship.”

“And, that is?”

“Like...I was thinking, of how great of a family we would make. Along with one day if I will take your last name!” Y/N said all in a cheerful and shy tone, his girlfriend was clearly all happy and her smile doesn’t seem like it would go away on her pretty face. She then was excited to hear his response, about how instantly he would prepare marrying Y/N.

But...Levi picked it up right away what she meant, and stayed quiet. Y/N’s confidence and love towards Levi showed that you were ready for a married life with him, and having his last name, clearly indicated this was the kind of a serious relationship she meant.

Y/N took in with the way how he did not respond and thought of him being worried, “D-Don't worry! I am sure you will be a great Father, I mean you are such a great boyfriend to me and-”

But Levi got up and put both of his hands on her shoulder which made her jolt, this made Y/N have a sinking feeling in her stomach, something felt wrong, the mood and vibe wasn't right and she started to feel anxious. “I, don’t think I can.”

Now, she felt as if her heart skipped a beat, her eyes widen and she gasped and was now speechless. She couldn’t believe it, and now her whole expression, happy vibe and her cheerful mood she was at a while ago, disappeared dramatically.

“I’m not into.....marriage.” Levi finally spoke, not thinking straight of what he just said, and of how sudden this topic was. Levi said this as he did not want to make her feel distressed, in fact himself feeling distressed. But, he had no idea how those words, completely shattered the Y/N he knew that was once cheerful, lovely and happy, gone.

She wanted to be with the man she first loved in her life, ever since she met him, and be his wife. But, she was lost and confused, didn’t Levi want her by his side too?

“Levi, Is that what you really think?....Don't you want me too? I though I meant something to you.” All her spirit was now gone, she looked down and had a very sad expression, her eyes soon to tear up.

Levi again, was speechless, he did not know what to say to her for once. He was caught off guard. That’s cause, he never really talked about this topic with anyone actually, unlike other people who have close friends or families who may have talked about marriage, Levi did not and it was just Y/N in his life he trusted and shared many things to.

So, when this was brought up in the conversation, this caught him really off guard and he just...stayed quiet, not sure what to say.

But to Y/N, that was an answer to her already, and without giving Levi any more time or in fact, not wasting his time, she slightly pushed his arms off her shoulders and walked away from him, going to the bathroom.

Y/N took this as a way he never wants to marry her and that shattered and broke her heart.

After a couple of weeks, both Y/N and Levi’s relationship kept falling apart, and as Levi tried his best to keep the relationship stable. Y/N, could not keep up with it, with her overwhelming mixed feelings of shame and sadness. This lead to Y/N having her feelings hurt.

One day, Levi enters their shared flat after coming back from a grocery store. He decided to cook dinner for his girlfriend tonight and have a romantic dinner with her, he wanted her spirit back, her love back, and after some time thinking, sorting out his emotions, Levi then knew that he would be willing to do anything for her happiness.

But, as he entered the living room, he saw Y/N with a suitcase and her backpack.

“What...” Levi said with a gasp, and his eyes widen, he stood there being shocked. Surely he was misunderstanding the situation...right?

“I am leaving, I can’t do this anymore.”

Levi dropped the bags he was carrying, on the ground, and he felt his heart skipped a beat. Did he hear it right? Did she actually say that?

“No, No. No!” He approached his girlfriend and held on her shoulders.

“Babe, we can fix this. Please stay with me, You don’t need to leave...I-I can’t lose you too.” He started to tremble slightly. He couldn’t believe what he was hearing!

“Stay with me, my love?” Levi then said once again, looking at her face who was now emotionless and she slightly pushed him away and that was the last time he ever saw her again.

Levi and his S/O mutually break things off because Y/N has always wanted to be Levi’s wife, having a lovely wedding and making a great family with him. But Levi didn’t seem to want any of that as he never spoke to her after that time and that caused his girlfriend, well now, ex-girlfriend, to thinking he didn’t want any of that and thinking there was no future after all with him.

Levi did not expect any of this, his ex leaving him after what he told her, and this leaves Levi all heart broken and being emotionally damaged. An emotional rejection from Y/N that damaged his mood and self-esteem. But, he still moved on and continued on with his life. He took most of the blame because he had to let her know sooner that, he would actually do anything for her happiness and love again, but he was apparently too late.

He would still be in their same shared flat, he cleaned it everyday and still kept two plates whenever he had breakfast or dinner, thinking one day he might see her. “She will come back to me...right?” He would mutter sometimes as he sat on the same coach they once shared and cuddled on, alone as the evening was approaching.

After what felt like forever, Levi was on his way to this well-known café that was mentioned by Hanji and he decided to check it out. But, to his surprise, he saw you, sitting inside the café, all alone drinking some tea. His heart fluttered, and his cheeks went red. Is it her?! Is it actually my Y/N?

After such a long time, he finally found her, and as soon as he wanted to approach Y/N, and thinking today is the day he will tell you how much an effect you had in his life and when you weren’t by his side, how he never realized that it took him long to figure it out that he would absolutely do anything to win you, your love and happiness back. He wanted to tell you all that, anything you wanted he was willing to give it to you now that he has finally found you. And explain to you also how, during the time you both lived together, he was actually trying to figure out with that time to make everything work out for you.

But, Levi stopped.

His heart sinking once again, that feeling he felt after such a long time.

He saw a guy, approaching you instead and....you were with him? Y/N’s face then brightened up, and she looked much happier, you smiled even more. Y/N got up from her seat and the man hugged her so tightly while caressing her back, and she was chuckling. And the man himself, seemed to be also deeply in love with you.

He then, noticed their rings, were they perhaps engaged, in their honeymoon, or perhaps they weren’t married and it was just matching rings...right? Levi wondered, begging that what he was thinking was true.

He then saw, his and Y/N’s old friends entering the café, and greeting both of them, one of them was Mikasa, Armin, Jean, Connie and Historia. He overhear how they were saying that they were such a happy couple and they loved and shipped them a lot. Happy for Y/N finding happiness once again. 

“I am out of time.” Levi muttered, now reality hitting him. He never had time to begin with, he knew ever since she left him. Time was lost and didn’t wait for him.

"What is this feeling?" it felt like as if someone clenched into his chest, his heart is being pulled out of his chest, his stomach having a sinking feeling. Now, he really did lose her.

But wait....maybe he has a chance? he decided to just wait, just maybe it was all a misunderstanding? Having that small hope, that everything was just an assumption, and jumping into conclusions.

After what felt like forever, he waited for them to get out of the café and approached them, to Y/N.

Her eyes widen, she couldn't believe she was seeing Levi after all these years. “Could I speak to Y/N alone, please?” Levi said sadly, and was looking at Y/N instead of the guy. 

The guy seemed to have read the mood and he let Y/N to talk to him in private, to sort out whatever was going on.

“How...have you been?” He finally said, after breaking the silence between them. Y/N nodded and looked back inside the café, “Do you wanna talk and perhaps, catch up?” Y/N uttered, and open the door to the café, she was still the friendly woman he loved and she still looked absolutely even more beautiful to his eyes, he just didn’t want this moment to end.

They then, started to catchup, how things were going for both of them, how they both were and then Levi asked if she was alright. Y/N finally told him that she has been engaged and she would be getting married soon, she let all their friends know about it and to be invited, and she said she would be happy if he would be able to come too, inviting him to her wedding. Levi was now having mixed of emotions, sad but also happy that she was not in a terrible state, and not sad after what has happened. She has picked herself up and lived her life, and finally her dream becoming true and a nice man who loved her, also wanting to marry her too.

They decided to be distant but in good-terms friends, and she was hoping that one day he could meet her fiancée properly. Levi just sat there, smiling. Smiling because he was actually happy to know that there was someone out there to love her, and not treat her bad, and give her what she wanted, which he could have done if he had done it earlier. But of course, it was Y/N, who wouldn’t love her?

He was actually happy for her, seeing her smile, and happy, and she had grown and matured to be such a beautiful woman. “You...will be such a great Mother.” He finally, said with a smile, and that warmed Y/N’s heart. Hearing that, especially from him, made her so happy and glad to hear that since she always wanted to be, but afraid she wouldn’t be. She looked down, at her teacup and tears were running down her cheeks, she was crying happy tears. Y/N never knew how his words would actually be heart warming for her, and he was ready to even support her anytime.

On the day, finally the wedding day, it was filled with love and laughter form everyone, and everyone congratulating them, all their friends crying and cheering for Y/N and the man she was gonna marry.

Levi of course came, and sat at the back, away from the crowd, and he was feeling heart-warmed seeing Y/N being happy once again and her smile and her sight was the most beautiful thing he has ever seen, he found it breathtaking, capturing every moment.

“That....could have been us.” He uttered to himself and got up, leaving the wedding as it almost came to an end, he thought his presence wouldn’t really matter to him much now and he left the wedding. 

“Hm, where is Levi? I still haven’t thanked him properly.” Y/N said looking around, and her husband held on her hand and gave her a sweet smile, “Don't worry, I am sure we will see him soon. But he left this for you.” Her husband, handed to her a bag filled with gifts, and a card saying ‘Congratulations, Wishing you a long and happy marriage Y/N.’

After a long day, Levi finally got back home. When Levi goes back to his flat now, no longer calling it ‘our flat’, he still had Y/N’s stuff that she left behind and haven’t thrown them away or moved its position. Y/N really did have a big impact in his life.

He looked through their old memories, gifts she gave him, pictures they took together, letters she wrote for him that was all placed inside a box and he was taking them out one by one. Smiling at them, as how great of a person she was to him.

But, he did really just wanted to grab your hand one last time, say that he always loved you, kiss you one last time, and have you by his side in the flat one last time, looking at your sleepy face and waking up to see your lovely face and sight every morning. He missed it and those days would warm his heart, Y/N did made Levi feel so special before and he was grateful to even be her boyfriend for that period of time. She showed him and gave him love which he thought he would never get, but because of her, he did.

Levi really thought from now, he won’t be able to find that kind of love anymore that he had with Y/N. But, he was very thankful to even have it in the first place. Because to him, Y/N was his everything and he did still care for her. Levi felt convinced though when he met Y/N, it was her and the last relationship he will have and he would be proud to say that she was once his lover and girlfriend.

He stayed still, sitting on the coach and laying down, looking at the ceiling. Levi was smiling, but his eyes then started to tear up slowly. “I promised her that, whenever she is happy....I should be happy too. So why am I like this? Fuck, I am terrible.”

Levi deep down just wanted to know, and he thought to himself saying, ‘Does Y/N even remember our past relationship, Did I have an impact in her life? Did I mean something in her life? Did she forget all our memories and moments together?’

After questioning himself this, he then realized that...when he said to Y/N he was not into marriage. It was a lie. He was actually lowkey scared and in that moment, it was said out of fear. Fear of how he might not be a great father or husband and might fuck things up, and he wanted to be ready and prepared he was the man for you, the one and only for you. He then, whimpered silently to himself in the dark, letting out all of his bottled up emotions.

It’s their bittersweet love, and it’s bittersweet since whenever he thought of the past, it would involve a feeling of happiness and sadness at the same time. But, he finally was at peace now, after seeing you for such a long time, and now knowing you are doing well and great, being taking care of by a great man. He does feel like he has missed out that future Y/N was talking about before, but seeing her cheerful and joyful, he was now content with Y/N and satisfied with her living her dreams, even if it was not with him, he would still support her with all his heart.

okay I did not expect to make this fanfic so sad but a little heart warming at the same time??! I definitely did not tear up while writing this- ANYWAYS! This is my first time to write something like this so please, let me know what you think of this and I hope you somehow liked the bittersweet love between Levi and Y/N!

If you enjoyed and liked this hc fanfic, please let me know by leaving a like, reblog or a message! I love you all and thank you for the support <3

[sirisuorionblack]

Counting...

Sirius Black x Reader

Summary - (Y/N) had been waiting for four very painful hours for the return of her boyfriend and he did just for mere minutes but she was determined to get him back.

Warnings - So many tears that u could bathe in and fluff.

(Y/N) sat at the dining table, alone, a coffee that turned cold being left unattended, her foot tapping anxiously and she blankly stared at the mahogany wood though her thoughts ran wild.

It's been four hours, very long four hours since Sirius - her beloved boyfriend - was supposed to be back home by the time from a "mission" but he still hasn't returned just adding fuel to the blazing amount of worry she had been enduring these days. She was a strong woman, Sirius always told her that, he would add it with a chuckle just realising how lucky he was.

Rapid knocks pulled her away from her trance. She gulped, taking out her wand and arming herself as she tentatively walked the door.

Upon unlocking, the door swung open and Sirius - she just knew it was him - smashed his lips against hers, pushing the two of them inside, pinning her to the wall.

He kissed her as though there was no tomorrow, as though he was terrified of something beyond her knowledge. He kissed her hard. A deep intuition in her just rang those bells of alarm. 

(Y/N) pulled away, cupping his face as he heaved deep breaths, his head ducked and his whole body shivering. 

"Hey, hey, Sirius, look at me," she pressed, softly as she tried to get him to look at her for she would read him like an open book once she saw his eyes.

When she did see those grey orbs, a soft gasp tumbled from her lips. There was no such thing as a sparkle in his eyes anymore, it was hollow, empty and filled with tears.

"Sirius, what happened?" She asked, worried beyond any level. A sob racked his body, his hands clawing hers as he tightly held them.

"James," he muttered through his sobs.

"James? What happened to him!?" She asked her eyes widening with fear, "Sirius, what happened!?"

Sirius flinched and tried to regain his breath, "James and Lily - they - that rat - he killed them!" 

He sank to his knees in front of her but she stood there watching him sob uncontrollably as she numbly tried to comprehend the situation vaguely.

Giving up her attempt she too, collapsed before him, collecting him in her arms as he held onto her as if she was his lifetime. Not a single tear strung her eyes rather she blankly stared ahead, holding Sirius tightly in her arms.

It would take her years to accept what had happened, she lost them, she lost her best friends, she lost her almost family but what actually made her feel something was how Sirius felt, he lost the one he called his brother right after he lost his own, the girl he saw growing accustomed to their shenanigans and keeping them on the line was simply gone. He wouldn't hear his laughter anymore, he would see her lovely emerald eyes anymore and all because of the person they considered their best friend.

Rage passed through her though it subsided the moment a beaming Harry's face crossed through her mind.

"Sirius, Harry!" She vaguely exclaimed. 

Sirius' sobs intensified and she waited until he calmed down enough to speak.

"Hag-Hagrid took him and I-I did a foolish thing," Sirius said, not meeting her eyes as he felt his head spin.

Her eyes widened, filled with an excessive amount of worry, "Wha-?" 

She didn't even get to finish the question before the door burst open, a group of Aurors stood at the door, their wands outstretched, glaring at the couple sitting on the ground in each other's much-needed embrace.

"Mr Black," the Auror in the middle, growled as he stepped in. (Y/N) and Sirius scrambled to their feet, (Y/N) before Sirius. 

"Ms (L/N), move over, he is dangerous," A female Auror said softly, outstretching her hand and looking at her as though she was a child about to throw a tantrum. 

"Dangerous?!" (Y/N) scoffed, "Absolute bullshit!"

"Ms (L/N), step aside," Another Auror commanded her.

Sirius slipped his hand into hers, squeezing it, searching for the warmth he was afraid he would be deprived of.

The two Aurors in the front whispered amongst themselves. Suddenly one of them harshly pulled (Y/N) back, dragging Sirius away from her.

"NO!" She yelled as she struggled against the restraints of the Auror holding her back by the arm.

Before her, Sirius struggled to remove his arm from the Auror wanting nothing more than to just rush into her arms and be in her comforting embrace though that seemed like a wild fantasy at that moment. 

Finding (Y/N) too hard to be held back, the Auror muttered a spell under her breath. (Y/N) straightened, her eyes turning blurry. She balanced herself against the wall, shaking her head and blinking her eyes.

"Sirius," she muttered, slipping in and out of consciousness. She no longer was able to stand on her feet. And Sirius watched her, yelling her name over and over again until three Aurors bodily dragged Sirius. 

"(Y/N)!" Sirius yelled as he tried to pry the Aurors' hands at the same time (Y/N) whispered, "Don't go, Sirius," watching as he struggled against them and then, blank.

"(Y/N)," she heard someone call her name, "(Y/N),"

"Moony!? Moony is it you?" She asked, trying to open her eyes.

"Yes, yes, it's me," Remus said, helping her sit up. When Remus had entered Sirius' home after he had received the news, tears staining his cheek, he found the door blast down, not a soul aware of what had happened and what he next saw disturbed him senseless. For a second he was scared into oblivion, for a second he doubted his best friend, for a second he pitied that traitor as he saw (Y/N) laying on the ground motionless.

Remus had rushed to her, racking his brain all the difficult charms and methods he had been taught to wake her up but in the state of panic, he forgot the simplest method of all - just shaking her to wake up.

(Y/N) sat on the floor, her back against the wall, her hand clasped tightly in Remus', she took deep breaths. They sat in silence as the two of them tried to contemplate what had happened. 

"They dragged him, Remus, I don't know even why. They said he was dangerous; Sirius cant be dangerous, he isn't," she muttered, looking at him with tear-filled eyes.

Remus sighed as he sat on the floor, squeezing her hand comfortingly and took a deep breath for what he was about to say, "After he found out about...Peter, he left after him and Sirius seemed to have cornered him, and then the Aurors arrived when almost 12 muggles were killed, and they saw nothing of Peter except for his finger was found. Before they could arrest Sirius there itself he had apparated here,"

By the time Remus finished, (Y/N) had her head leaning against the wall, staring at the photo frame right before her. It was of Sirius and her, making goofy faces and smiling at the camera, it was a week after they graduated.

"Why would Peter do that?" She whispered as she finally looked into his eyes. Remus chuckled sadly, "You know him, very well honestly, he would want to be under those who were more powerful than him, so he joined," Remus gulped, "Voldemort,"

(Y/N)'s lips parted in disbelief, "He was the spy?"

Remus nodded.

"But how did he do it?" 

He sighed, "He was the secret keeper, it seems,"

"What?"

"Yeah,"

(Y/N) slapped a hand against her mouth as tears ran free from her eyes. Remus wrapped his arms around her, allowing his best friend to weep into his arms and he too, unable to hold the tears, let them stream down his eyes.

The morning when Dumbledore came to the household where Remus and (Y/N) sat, silently grieving for their best friends, not a word uttered by them, to inform Sirius has been sentenced to Azkaban for life, (Y/N) didn't feel sadness rather rage, "What!? He's not been given a chance to prove his innocence! You can't throw just him like that into Azkaban forever!" She yelled.

Dumbledore spoke calmly, "Ms. (L/N), please calm down. It's been declared by the Ministry, we cannot do anything about it,"

She took a deep breath and looked at the man pointedly, "Well, professor, if that's it, I don't find a reason for your presence here anymore,"

Dumbledore's blue eyes flashed but he apparated without a word nonetheless.

"What have you gotten in your mind?" Remus asked with a smirk as he looked at her pulling her hair into a bun and taking a deep breath.

"I am gonna prove Sirius' innocence and get my godson back," she said, determinedly as she left to her room leaving Remus sitting on the couch smiling to himself. When you have a determined (Y/N) with you, that's an announcement for the hell that is about to break loose and it could be positive or negative. 

"Coffee," Remus muttered, placing the flask on (Y/N)'s desk as he glanced over the papers and textbooks scattered on her desk, "What are these?"

(Y/N) sighed, placing her pen down and leaning back on her chair, tipping it as Sirius taught her, unconsciously and Remus didn't want to point it out to her, dampening the mood.

"It's so simple, honestly," She said, glancing at the papers and then at him, "I have to get Harry's custody, and if not me Sirius should, it's legally that way too. You can't just place a year old baby in a household of the worst sort of muggles, one that absolutely ignored the fact that she had a sister,"

She took a deep breath, "Now, to Sirius, you cannot arrest someone without any evidence, much less sentence them to prison with no trial permitted. If we just try to get him a trail then everything will fall back to normal,"

"As normal as it could be," Remus said carefully. 

(Y/N) sighed and nodded, "As normal as it could be,"

"What are we gonna do next?" Remus asked.

"Find someone who could help us officially for this,"

"Can't we, I dunno, do it ourselves?"

"I...I don't know,"

"We will give it a shot?"

"Damn right you are,"

Finally after two exhausting days, (Y/N) stood before Barty Crouch, some would say glaring at him, the other a cold fixated stare. She stood briskly, head held high without the minimal amount of shame or fear in that massive room, filled with people.

"Ms (Y/N) (L/N), you are here requesting another trial for Mr Sirius Orion Black." Barty Crouch said, looking at her through his glasses. 

She shook her head, "Demanding for a trial,"

Crouch's nose flared as he without any disagreement corrected his mistake, knowing far too well the capability of (Y/N).

"Now, the best Aurors have seen Mr Black on the spot laughing like a maniac as the street held 13 dead bodies, including his very own friend Mr Peter Pettigrew," Barty Crouch said.

"First of all, 13 dead bodies? When was Peter's body found?" (Y/N) asked, ignoring the whispers and mutters that grew thick in the council, her gaze fixated on the man before her.

"That's right. His body was never found," She said.

"So are you telling the Wizengamot that Mr Pettigrew just magically disappeared from the scene,"

"Oh please, this Wizengamot is for magic!" She stopped to look at the slightly embarrassed face of Crouch and smirked, just look at him in the end, "Besides, he could have apparated for all we know. But that's a matter for another day; all we have at our hands is a trial for a falsely imprisoned man,"

"Ms (L/N), I will be the one directing the Wizengamot today, so please," Crouch glared at her. Someone raised a hand amidst the crowd, Amelia Bones, "Mr Crouch, I think it's best if we allow her to explain her demand. We can vote," she said, looking at the council.

A little more than half of them raised their hands, "Ah, the motion is passed, Mr Crouch, we must let her speak,"

Barty Crouch's lips twitched, "Very well then, please proceed Ms (L/N),"

(Y/N) had a smirk rivalling Sirius himself's. She took a deep breath, this moment would determine her whole life, "I demand a trial for Sirius Black, with respect to the event that happened on the night of Halloween. I am quite blatantly ashamed that the most powerful ministry wouldn't grant a trial for an innocent man," there was a voice of disapproval. 

(Y/N) ignored it and continued, "I find it extremely disturbing that someone just based on his last name could be sent to Azkaban for a crime he allegedly committed. Now, Siri-Mr Black's relation with...James Potter was well known, they were almost brothers and the question here is how was he supposed to betray someone so close to him,'

"It was also known by almost everyone here about how Mr Black was disowned for going against the absurd ideas of his mother at the young age of 16, would that very man commit a crime as such!? And it's quite easy to find the truth here at the Ministry of Magic, a simple Veritaserum would do the job and if that didn't work, a check of memories of muggles at the spot would have shown the truth. And just as you said you have the best Aurors, allow them to seem the truth!"

(Y/N) finished, taking a sip of the water beside her and the council looked rather convinced by her speech. Once again Amelia Bones stood, "A vote again, perhaps, Mr Crouch?" She asked.

The man in question looked absolutely bewildered by how wrong things have been going now that the spotlight to it had been given. He nodded. 

"Great. Those in favour of granting Mr Black his fair trial upon the use of Veritaserum," she said and grinned as almost all the members in the council raised their hands.

(Y/N) beamed as Crouch announced, "Sirius Orion Black will be given his trial on the third of November, here at this very room with Veritaserum brewed by a highly talented Potions Master. Any objection? Very well then, Council dismissed,"

"Moony!" (Y/N) rushed into Remus' arms, tears stinging her eyes, "We did it, Moony! We did it!"

"You got the trial!?" Remus asked, grinning at her after she pulled away.

"Yes!" She chuckled happily.

"You did it!" Remus yelled as he pulled his best friend into a bone-crushing hug, wiping his own tears.

"When is it?" He asked, still beaming.

Her bottom lip quivered, "Third of November,"

Remus' shoulder slumped, Sirius had planned something that would have changed the two of their lives on that day, and it was part of the reason why he got arrested. Remus engulfed her in a warm hug.

"Don't worry, we know he is innocent," Remus reassured (Y/N), him moving to the stands while she stood in the front of the very room she struggled for a trial on November 3.

Minutes later, the Aurors escorted Sirius into the room, he looked glum and hollow. He looked as though he feared human touch anymore, as though all those bad memories within him surfaced. He looked fragile and in that moment (Y/N)'s heart shattered. 

She wanted to just rush into his arms and never let him go, hold him close to her, whisper soothing terms into his ears, for only him to hear.

Sirius glanced around the room, his eyes falling on (Y/N), he felt in the precise second nothing but pride blooming through his chest, she was his brave girl, he wouldn't worry about her, he knew she would survive. If his world hadn't collapsed, he would have called her his fiancee. 

"Mr Sirius Orion Black, after the request of Ms (L/N), you have been granted a chance to prove your innocence. You will be given two drops of the truth potion - Veritaserum, and then Ms Amelia Bones, will question you," Barty Crouch announced.

Sirius was then seated in the middle of the room, his eyes fixed on nothing but (Y/N) who smiled warmly at him and he felt as if there was nothing wrong, it's just another prank he got caught in, just another petty detention, just another pathetic duel with Slytherins, he felt a bloom of comfort spreading from his chest. He allowed a little smile, very minuscule to tug on the corner of his lips.

"You, Sirius Orion Black, son of Walburga and Orion Black?" Amelia Bones questioned the basics, testing the potion.

Sirius snorted, folding his arms before him and slumping on his chair, "Unfortunately,"

"You were a Gryffindor?"

He smirked, "Yes,"

"Well, Mr Black now let me know what happened on Halloween's night?"

Sirius took a sharp intake of breath and sat properly on the chair, "I went see Prongs first to tell about the ring and when I went there the roof of their house was absolutely collapsed and I was afraid what could have happened so I went in and," Sirius' voice broke and tears stung in his eyes just as it did to (Y/N), she never knew these.

"And I-I saw James laying on the floor, his eyes were open but....he wasn't- he wasn't moving and when I checked for his breath," Sirius took a deep breath, "There was nothing,"

Sirius retold what he had seen and done on that day, with pauses for breath and sips of water to calm himself down.

By the end, Amelia Bones was moved to tears so were the rest of the courtroom, especially (Y/N) who often wiped her eyes.

Bones turned to Barty Crouch, silently asking him for the final judgement. 

He took a deep breath, "Very well then, at the end of this trial, based on accounts given by the Accused induced with Veritaserum, I, Bartemius Crouch, hereby declare, Sirius Orion Black innocent!"

Remus and (Y/N) patiently waited for Sirius to change out of his Azkaban clothes and into the one he was wearing that day.

"Love?" Sirius called, tentatively, about four feet away. Tears started to stream down (Y/N)'s eyes as she ran towards him.

She threw herself into his arms, burying her head into his shoulders and chanting his name. Sirius slowly started to rock her, finally, the warmth he had been deprived of seeped into his body, he felt safe and...home.

"Darling, I am here, don't worry, it's going to be OK," He consoled her. The turn of events was almost hilarious for (Y/N), it was supposed to be her saying those words.

She pulled away, cupping his cheeks. There were dark circles under his eyes, his eyes - Oh goodness - they were a dark shade of grey, bad memories and tears clouding them, and he looked pale.

She couldn't hold her to see him anymore so she smashed her lips against his, inviting him for a passionate embrace. Neither of them knew until then that this was what they wanted, to feel the other, a silent reassurance that everything is going to be alright.

Remus watched as the two of his...remaining best friends held each other in a much-needed embrace, he smiled warmly. The surprise that would await the two of them by the other.

"Come on," (Y/N) beckoned inside their, squeezing Sirius' hand and Remus in tow, "Stay here," she said and disappeared inside a room.

Sirius took out the velvet box buried inside his coat pocket and showed it to Remus, who clapped him on the back and nodded encouragingly. 

When (Y/N) returned with a sleeping baby Harry in her arms, beaming, she didn't expect to see Sirius on his one knee, holding a velvet box open, a beautiful diamond ring shining inside.

The two of them gasped simultaneously as Remus watched with proud eyes, feeling like a mother watching her kids grow.

"I dunno what to say," Sirius said, "Everything I prepared flew out of my mind. But just one thing, I need you in my life, I need you for my sanity, I am absolutely nothing without you and you hold my world above, darling, if it wasn't for you it would have collapsed ages ago. Over everything else...I love you, so much that I can't even express it. I-will you, (Y/N) (L/N), marry me?"

(Y/N) nodded rapidly, unable to speak she rushed into his arms, still holding Harry carefully.

They pulled away after a moment and Sirius slipped the ring into her finger and took Harry in his arms, admiring how much he looked like his father.

"I love you, (Y/N)," he said, his arm encircling around her waist.

"I love you too," she muttered, laying her head on his shoulder.

"Remus," Sirius called, glancing behind for his best friend, "Group hug,"

Remus rushed to the three of them. Finally, they felt happy perhaps like tightly woven remainings of one big family.

[pies-writes-and-more]

a broken heart

Word Count: 2,543

Warnings: sad bean vibes today guys, sorry! Breakup angst and jealousy.

Pairing: Tsukishima Kei x Fem!Reader, Bokuto Kōtarō x Fem!Reader

A/N: I have no clue what got into me but we’re writing some sad shit tonight apparently. For all my broken-hearted beans out there, I promise I’ll write some fluff sooner or later! <3 Thank you to @thisnoodlewritesao3 for reading some of this for me and giving me the motivation to keep writing - sorry you’ll probably wake up to these feels (please don’t read if you’re not in a good head space, yall!)

Song inspo: When I Was Your Man by Bruno Mars (thank you @haikyuutothetop and @tobi-momo for bringing it up cause I totally forgot to add it 😂)

Haikyuu Masterlist

It was like life was stabbing him every few seconds, reminding him that you were no longer there.

Tsukishima woke up thinking that maybe everything would be okay today, pulled his headphones on while he got ready because he was refusing to be alone with his thoughts. But when his music shuffled, why did the first song to play have to be the song you had deemed your song? Why could he remember the melody so perfectly sung in your voice? The way you looked whenever the song came on on the radio.

He remembered how happy you looked that very first day, how you had dressed yourself up just to hang out with him, and how this song was playing in a playlist he had made you and was the one in the background when he had kissed you for the first time.

The melody made Tsukishima’s lips tingle. He wanted nothing more than to kiss you right now.

Yamaguchi’s half smiles didn’t help either. When he joined Tsukishima on his way to school, he just patted Tsukishima on the back like he normally did and danced around the question, “How are you?”

It’s not like Tsukishima would be honest. He’d just shrug and say, “Fine,” and hope Yamaguchi would fill the silence with some story or something dumb.

He knew Yamaguchi was still friends with you, that the two of you talked. He’d never ask for him to stop because if anything, Tsukishima could find out how you were doing without even asking.

“She’s okay,” Yamaguchi told him with a small smile, as if that was supposed to be comforting. Did he think that’s what Tsukishima wanted to hear? That you were doing okay? That you weren’t waking up in tears every night like he was? Part of him wanted to be happy that you were okay, because he always secretly knew you’d be better off without him. But he wanted to be angry at you, he wanted to blame you for the fact that he cried more in the last few weeks than he had ever before in his life.

Tsukishima just kept his eyes forward, like he didn’t even hear his best friend but Yamaguchi had seen the flicker of sadness in him. He had learned a few weeks into the breakup not to mention your name around Tsukishima, but not because the quiet boy asked him to. It was because every time he heard your name, Yamaguchi would watch as his shoulders tensed, how his fists would clench in annoyance. He missed you, but who would ever catch Tsukishima Kei admitting that?

Yamaguchi would never tell him, but he always wondered that maybe if Tsukishima had admitted his feelings more to you, maybe you’d still be here.

Tsukishima would never say it out loud, but he was already thinking the same thing.

It hadn’t taken long for it to feel like the whole world knew about your breakup. People whispered in the hallways, more than they usually did when Tsukishima’s cold aura came by. Your name fluttered into his ears through gossipy voices and the blond boy just wanted to tell everyone to shut up.

Why did your name have to follow him around? Why did people have to look at him like he had done something so wrong? It’s not like he had broken up with you.

“I just can’t do this anymore, Tsukishima, I’m sorry,” you had whispered to him, shifting uncomfortably in your stance. “It just feels like you don’t even want me around most of the time and I feel like I’m constantly bugging you.”

“I never said you were bugging me, did I?” he huffed. Looking back, Tsukishima wished he could’ve bit down on his tongue and cut the sass in half. You had winced at his bitter tone. It was the look on your face that made him realize you weren’t just being insecure or awkward again. You were genuinely trying to leave.

“I want to be with someone who actually wants me around… and I don’t think that’s how we are…” the words left your lips so easily but Tsukishima knew what you meant. You meant that’s not how he was.

“You’re the one who’s leaving,” Tsukishima spat out angrily, glaring at you as you picked up your things slowly, tears in your eyes. Why wouldn’t you look at him? Why wouldn’t you look him in the eyes and tell him why you were leaving?

But when you finally met his gaze, you were already at the door, glancing back at him with sorrowful eyes. Why did you look like you were mourning something? Had it really been that bad? Being with him? “You’re the one not stopping me,” you had said in a voice barely louder than a whisper. You waited there for a moment, as if proving your point to him as Tsukishima just stood there with his fists clenched.

He wanted to lurch forward and hold you to him, beg you to stay even though he wasn’t sure what words could possibly describe how he was feeling. He didn’t know how to explain why he was always so angry or emotionless with you. He didn’t hate you - how was he supposed to say that? He didn’t want you to go but you were already leaving. How pathetic of him would he be if he begged you to stay? What was the point of begging if you were already choosing to go?

The memory was still fresh in Tsukishima’s mind. He couldn’t help but think about it every moment of the day, even still. Some part of him had hoped you would come back - would show up at his house with tears in your eyes and beg him to show some sort of emotions so you could stay. He would if you had come. But he knew that you probably expected him to do the same.

But even if he did, would you accept it? Would you accept his apology? Or was he considered a lost cause?

Tsukishima’s ears perked up, hearing a familiar melodious laughter as he walked through campus for lunch. His eyes searched around and saw you with your friends, giggles erupting from your lips. He wondered how you were still able to laugh with your friends, how your smile still managed to brighten up the courtyard during your lunch. How were you so happy? How come you had never smiled like that with him?

Before he could stop himself, Tsukishima felt himself walking towards you. He needed to see you up close - needed to make sure that smile was genuine because it couldn’t possibly be right? How were you so okay when he was so not?

“Tsukki!” Yamaguchi’s hand grabbed Tsukishima’s arm before he could cause a scene, pulling him back from his zoned in thoughts. “You’re not gonna want to do that,” Yamaguchi insisted, meeting Tsukishima’s glare head on. “Trust me okay?”

Tsukishima watched him for a moment, his lips pursing into a thin line, “How am I supposed to apologize and get her back if I don’t see her?”

Yamaguchi’s gaze faltered this time and that’s when Tsukishima knew something was going on. Yamaguchi knew something. Something he wasn’t telling his best friend.

“What is it?” Tsukishima asked quietly, pulling his arm from Yamaguchi’s grip.

Yamaguchi started to say something but the most annoying voice you could ever hear was louder.

“Y/N! My angel! I did it! I ran all the way here just like I promised!”

Tsukishima’s eyes widened just slightly as he watched as Bokuto Kōtarō seemed to run over to Tsukishima’s girlfriend no, ex girlfriend.

“He didn’t, he’s just exaggerating,” Akaashi’s voice came next, trailing behind Bokuto with a look on his face that clearly stated he didn’t want to be here.

You were laughing awkwardly, a look in your eyes telling Tsukishima you really hadn’t expected them. So why were they here in the middle of a school day?

Tsukishima scoffed a bit, wanting to turn back and run away, bury his nose into his studies and pretend like it was fine. But it wasn’t fine. Because Bokuto wrapped you up in his arms and whirled you around in a hug that showed everyone nearby exactly how he felt about you.

“B-Boktuo, put me down!” You insisted through giggles, desperately trying to avoid everyone from staring at you but it was far too late.

“I’m just excited to see you,” Bokuto grinned, nodding towards his best friend. “Akaashi is too!”

Akaashi just gave a nod and continued his conversation with one of your friends, as Bokuto patted your head lovingly, “I told you I’d come see you today, didn’t I?”

“You weren’t supposed to skip school for it, you idiot!” You laughed, shaking your head.

“I’ll go back, promise! I just wanted to see you,” Bokuto grinned.

The smile on your face was wider than before and yet Tsukishima still didn’t understand why. How were you still smiling? How were you standing there with everyone assuming that you were dating Bokuto and not dismissing all the quiet rumours that were starting?

Tsukishima finally found it in himself to walk away, Yamaguchi calling after him and following his footsteps. You had left him and replaced him with a top ace. Of course you had. It didn’t matter how much Tsukishima practiced or didn’t practice. He was never going to be better than him, and he was never going to get you back either.

Over the next few weeks, Tsukishima would hear about everything that Bokuto was and did. He saw posts on your Instagram, which he still glanced at every now and then, and even stole Yamaguchi’s phone sometimes to see your Snapchat stories.

You had everything you ever wanted now from the looks of it. Bokuto would come see you every weekend, even if it meant coming right after volleyball practice. He’d crash on your living room couch or on your floor and according to your Twitter, your mom loved him already.

He brought you flowers one time, completely out of the blue, and there it was on your Instagram. Bokuto with a huge smile on his face and holding them out to you. Tsukishima could just imagine the glow in your skin as you accepted them, that shy smile that you had given to him, what felt like a million years ago.

Yamaguchi watched as his friend tortured himself with your social media, glancing at it with eyes said that he didn’t care, but his bad mood was just getting worse every day. Everyone on the volleyball team knew it too, and even the somewhat-empty-headed players like Hinata and Noya didn’t say anything.

“They’re not dating you know,” Yamaguchi spoke up after a while as the two of them walked home. Tsukishima shoved his phone back in his pocket, as if Yamaguchi hadn’t just caught him glancing at his text message history with you to see if you had randomly messaged him. “I think Bokuto just really likes her but she told me she’s not ready.”

Tsukishima wanted to tell him he didn’t care, but those words just twisted in his mouth and he couldn’t even make a sound. He did care. How could he not? He had loved you, even if he was absolute shit at showing you.

“He’ll be good for her,” was all Tsukishima said after a moment, staring out to the distance and trying not to note the surprise on Yamaguchi’s face. He wanted to mean it. He wanted to be happy for you because your smile was all that mattered to him. But... he couldn’t stop from thinking... from wishing... that your smile was at him instead.

As if the gods themselves had decided to torture Tsukishima some more that day, as the two friends turned into Coach’s shop to grab some snacks, there he was standing right in front of them.

Bokuto Kōtarō with his idiotic smile and a handful of snacks and ramen packets that he was plopping onto the counter in front of Coach Ukai, “Just these please!”

Ukai glanced uncomfortably at Tsukishima and Yamaguchi, clearing his throat as he started to check Bokuto’s items out.

Tsukishima’s ears were going pink - of course even the Coach knew. He wanted to leave right then and there, pretend like he hadn’t even come here in the first place.

But before he could turn on his heels, Bokuto caught his eye. The two of them shared an awkward look, Yamaguchi trying to walk towards the back of the store so that Tsukishima could follow him.

“Look man-” Bokuto started stiffly, his chest puffing out just slightly as he tried to come up with the words.

“It’s the wrong kind,” Tsukishima interrupted, a cold glare shooting right into Bokuto’s eyes.

“Sorry?”

“The ramen.” Tsukishima walked over to the nearby stand and pulled out two different flavours, dropping them onto the counter. “Y/N doesn’t like that one. You grabbed the wrong one.”

He should’ve just walked away then and there, avoided any more confrontational conversations but he didn’t. The two of them just stared at each other, Bokuto looking back and forth between Tsukishima and the packets of ramen.

“Boys,” Ukai’s voice was low, as if warning them not to start a scuffle in his shop.

After a moment, Bokuto just gave Tsukishima a smile, patting him on the shoulder, “Thanks.”

Tsukishima still stood there, even as Bokuto paid for his items (minus the ramen packets that you didn’t like) and as Ukai handed him his bag. The Fukurōdani boy gave a small wave to Ukai and started to head out, the tension just starting to lift.

“She likes flowers,” Tsukishima’s voice cut through the air like a knife, words thudding into existence. “She says it makes her feel like someone is thinking of her without an occasion. And she likes to have her hand held in crowds because sometimes she gets nervous around so many people. She’s not going to text you a lot at first because she’s going to think she’s clingy… and that’s my fault. I made her think she was clingy. But she’s not. She just wants to know that you’re thinking of her and that you’re honest with her.” Tsukishima’s fists were clenched so tightly, his nails were starting to sting into his palms, “And she likes to go dancing. It doesn’t really matter where but she likes to dance to music.”

You could’ve heard a fly buzzing around, or a pin dropping against the floor with how quiet it got. Bokuto’s back was still to Tsukishima, tensing slightly the more that he talked but never fully turning around.

“Slow dance with her okay? Because… I never did with her and she always wanted me to. Do everything I didn’t do with her, alright?” Tsukishima’s voice was louder now, as if desperately pleading with Bokuto.

There was another pause in the air and Bokuto only turned his head slightly to just say, “You got it,” before disappearing.

Tsukishima didn’t realize it until after he had gone that there were tears in his eyes. He thought about every time he saw flowers and thought about giving them to you and how stupid he had thought the idea was. He remembered every moment that he didn’t respond back to you right away when he had the chance to, or when he asked you why you sent him so many things on social media. The picture of that sadness growing in your eyes would haunt him for a while.

Worst of all, was all those times you two had sat in the middle of a field, just listening to music and humming to yourselves. How often you had looked around to find no one around and begged him to come dance with you. He had thought it was stupid. How childish, he had thought.

But right now, he’d give anything to slow dance with you.

Guess it’s true, Tsukishima thought to himself as he rushed home, ignoring Yamaguchi calling for him. He wiped his face aggressively, not even caring how crooked his glasses were getting as more tears streamed down his face. You never really realize what you have until you lose it.

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