#because nonbinary isnt just a specific gender label

[knifeslidez]

every time i see someone say "oh well if you want to listen to real nonbinary/trans/queer artists, listen to xyz" in response to any serious discussion of gerard's gender i get pissed off. like who died and many you the faggot king who decides if someone "really counts" as a queer person ?

[genderqueerdykes]

i dont know how to explain this exactly, but i feel like this 'no you DONT experience this and you dont get to call it that' or the 'you have it SO MUCH BETTER than us' that the trans community has going on is a bit stupid? i cant be the only one. not only do we all have our own individual problems; trans women, trans men, non binary people, other genders and all, and intersex people too, but sometimes labelling them as 'no this is one specific type that only us face' seems a bit useless. dont get me wrong, we should of course have labels for this. but labelling them as 'exclusively happens to this group' seems weird. let me explain myself.

for example, transmisoginy. word for the transphobia that trans women face. it is a wonderful concept so that they can talk about their experiences, but i feel like transmisoginy affects all of us in a way. it is stupid to say 'only WE face this and the rest of you dont get it'. i am a trans man. and for a while, i was scared of going into the men's bathrooms, so i went into the women's. i am a rather androgynous person, and guess what, i noticed a lot of people giving me weird looks, one even asking me if i was a trans woman. how do i even label this? transandrophobia? these people werent harrassing me because i was a trans man, but because they thought i was a trans woman. on the other side of the spectrum, we could have, i dont know, a feminine cis guy who everyone asks if he has a pussy or something! or an intersex cis woman who people ask if she is transfem! cis black women not being allowed in women's bathrooms due to being ""masc""! like, it affects others.

i just dont know how to describe it, i feel like i am going mad. like, please stop infighting guys gals and pals i swear to god. this is stupid.

-words like 'transmysoginy', 'transandrophobia' and such are pretty useful when talking about our experiences, but it would be kinda cool if we could recognise how they might affect people outside of our demographic too, which i feel doesn't tend to be aknowledged much?

-for this. words like TME and TMA are bullshit. literally why would you use them. this is stupid. where do nonbinary and intersex people fall then, come on?

-the problem is transphobia and mysoginy. i feel like people forget that. it isnt some specific individual, o stereotype of trans person or something, it is transphobia.

-everyone has it fucked. instead of trying to compete for the martyr title, it would be cool if we could all just work on it together instead of pushing others down.

-how do others not get this. seriously. like how can you wake up one day and decide 'i am going to blame my troubles on my already troubled siblings!'. this goes to everyone by the way. trans men, trans women, non binary people, people with several genders or none, whatever.

-YOU ARE NOT INCAPABLE OF BEING TRANSPHOBIC AND A MISOGYNIST TOO EVEN IF YOU ARE TRANS. you could be a trans guy and put other transmascs down for their 'un-masculinity'. or a trans woman and be mysoginist. YOU ARE. CAPABLE. OF HARM.

-also more people should try to aknowledge how sometimes transmisoginy will affect black people too. i know, i know, i am a little white boy and know nothing about it, but we all should agree that a lot of black women are being harrassed by terfs for not achieving the white femininity they want them to have

i am going to admit it. i am a fucking sixteen year old. maybe all i said is bullshit and stupid or whatever. but how the fuck can adult trans people act like ignorant children like this. please. i am so tired oh my fucking god. why.

you popped right the fuck off, holy shit anon. you don't have to downplay yourself for being sixteen- that doesn't dictate your intelligence. you have a mature approach to this, and you can see it for what it is, which is something some people in their goddamn 20s, 30s and beyond on here can't do. you are extremely right in calling out adults for behaving like this. someone your age SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DO THAT. as adults, we should be doing our absolute best to fucking know better, and yet here we are.

i really hope other queer adults read this and feel fucking embarrassed if they behave and think this way. minors shouldn't have to be the ones calling out this behavior.

you said it all, i don't need to add a single thing because i do not want to distract from what you had to say. you summed it up perfectly. this is such a good ask, thank you so much. stay safe out there.

[mamadarama]

share ur enstars lgbt headcanons NOW!

OHHHH MAN OK so my identity hcs are super specific idk if ill be able to accurately explain them but ill try. i had no idea how to make this a short post

(btw here cis just means gender identity matches agab, has little to do with how they perceive their own gender or gender as a whole. theyre different shades of blue but theyre still all blue yknow)

eichi - transman, gay

wataru - queer (gender and sexuality)

(but i also like wataru and eichi as lesbians in the context of wataei and some other ships)

tori - genderfluid, pan; he doesnt care as long as hes cute

yuzuru - transmasc, unlabeled; demi maybe? he isnt interested in anyone unless he is

subaru - cis, aro bi (male lean); intends to stay single

hokuto - cis, gay; could also see him as transmasc

makoto - cis, bi; could also see him as transmasc

mao - cis, pan

rei - transmasc bigender, pan

kaoru - cis, bi; could also see him as transmasc

koga - (intersex) transmasc agender, pan; or lesbian

adonis - cis, unlabeled; his gender/sexuality isnt as important to his identity as his interests and values are; edit: i also like him as a transmasc lesbian actually

keito - transmasc, lesbian

kuro - transmasc, lesbian

souma - definitely a boy but questioning the specifics, gay

shu - binary transman, aroace

mika - transmasc, pan

chiaki - cis but hes weird abt it, bi; he says anything he does is manly because hes a man and hes doing it, even if what hes doing is typically seen as feminine

kanata - genderfluid, unlabeled

tetora - cis, bi; i like him as transmasc too tho

shinobu - transmasc agender, pan

midori - transfem? demigirlboy (hes still figuring it out), bi

leo - transmasc of some sort, pan

izumi - transmasc agender, demi

tsukasa - genderqueer, pan

ritsu - cis, gay

arashi - binary transfem, bi

natsume - transmasc, lesbian

tsumugi - transfem, lesbian

sora - hes sora

nazuna - transmasc genderfluid, lesbian

tomoya - cis, gay

hajime - nonbinary, pan

mitsuru - cis, pan ace

nagisa - (intersex) agender, demi

hiyori - cis queen, gay

jun - transmasc, bi (male lean)

ibara - transmasc, demi

hinata - bigender, pan

yuta - demiboy, gay

hiiro - cis, literally only attracted to aira and hasnt considered any other possibility

aira - transmasc, gay

mayoi - (intersex) agender, demi pan

tatsumi - cis but just barely, unlabeled he doesnt feel like any label fits quite right. his gender is a big cloud backlit by the sunset on a summer evening

rinne - cis but literally does not care, bi; least cis cis man youll ever meet, most bi bi man youll ever meet

niki - transmasc agender, bi

kohaku - transmasc, lesbian

himeru - genderfluid, gay

madara - (intersex) agender, lesbian; bi sometimes when i feel like it. he will tell you hes cis and leave you to assume what that means yourself.

anzu - cis, lesbian; shes not that feminine though

[wolfertinger]

youre not wrong to feel frustrated by this discourse because it genuinely contradicts itself in a way that makes it difficult to navigate in good faith. the core issue here isnt even about whether gender identity and sexuality can be fluid. its about how people selectively apply definitions to suit their personal aesthetics and social positioning while attacking others for asking questions.

if someone openly identifies as a man, not as nonbinary, not as genderfluid, but specifically and explicitly as a man, then by definition, a lesbian, someone who is attracted to non-men, would not be interested in dating them. thats just the basic definition of lesbianism. this is not a controversial take, and i's not some exclusionary, transphobic belief. its simply about maintaining clarity in how language is used.

the issue isnt even just about salem identifying as a "lesboy" (which, to be frank, feels like an attempt to have his cake and eat it too), but also about wis choosing to keep the label "lesbian" while openly dating a man. she admits she knows shes bisexual, yet still claims lesbianism because she likes the aesthetic and the flag. that is deeply disrespectful to actual lesbians, who have fought against their sexuality being erased, co-opted, and dismissed for decades. it makes it feel like being a lesbian is just another accessory, a curated aesthetic choice rather than a real sexual identity.

and this is the part that drives people insane. when someone dares to point out how contradictory or nonsensical this logic is, they get labeled a transmed, a TERF, or some kind of regressive bigot. its intellectually dishonest and manipulative because it deliberately avoids actually engaging with the point. this isnt about invalidating trans men or gatekeeping identity. its about recognizing that words have meaning, and you can't just redefine them whenever it suits you while demanding nobody question it.

at the end of the day, it boils down to a fundamental question: if trans men are men, then why are they being included in a sexuality that explicitly excludes men? wither the definition of lesbianism has to change, or people need to admit that some of these identity labels are being used in ways that contradict their own foundational meanings. and frankly, if the only justification for this is "queer people shouldnt be in rigid boxes," then why even have and use labels in the first place?

i am posting this without comment. though, i do want to give a refresher, on why this is being so debated:

i cannot find it. but there was indeed a post, where wis retracted her bisexual post, and claimed to still id as lesbian, exclusively because she preferred the flag colors, more.

[kaithesillygoose]

KARASUNO QUEER (AND DISABILITY??) HEADCANONS WOO

Daichi - starting off strong with my literal fave. Trans FTM and He/Him (WOO) because I self project, and bisexual male-lean because bisexual daichi is *chefs kiss* Transmale daichi is very important to me.

Has asthma, uses an inhaler (that suga covered in stickers the moment he saw it). Also has problems with his knee joints, especially his left, and often has to use a stick outside of school (but I do love a hc of amputee daichi using a prosthetic leg knee-below on his left.) Oh and he has some form of AuDHD probably (never been tested) oh and insomnia

Suga - not sure for this guy because I don’t actually know. Probably Nonbinary or Genderfluid, He/him pronouns but probably doesn’t care, likely fw They/Them too Also gay/likes boys/boy kisser mwah

has a condition that made his hair loose colour at a really young age, used to be hazel-y brown. used to be insecure about it.

Asahi - *foaming at the mouth* love this guy a normal amount. Either a cis guy or demi, maybe agender. Frankly i love almost every asahi gender hc. (Transfem asahi i love you but sadly dont hc) Pansexual. Likes the person, gender is just…there ig.

Anxiety Disorder, self esteem issues, depression, :((

Noya - transmasc, he/they pronouns. frankly uses anything but she most days. bisexual. has kissed ryuu behind the gym before.

ADHD.

Tanaka - cis male, probably, but i LOVE transmale tanaka tbf. also bisexual. Kissing Noya made him realise some things. Had claimed to be the token straight for a while. Has also kissed Yamamoto

ADHD again

Ennoshita - A STRAIGHT! nope. Bro is the bisexual guy who everyone thinks is an ally. he’s only such an ‘ally’ cause hating the gays would be hating himself He/him, cis male.

Has issues with his shoulder joints, nothing bad, they just hurt alot

Narita - Cis guy tbf, he/him, also gay as balls. had a FAT crush on daichi for a while. (same bb)

Celiac disease. Not too fussed by that, though does miss pastries (not really a disability but ehh)

Kinoshita - kisses boys. not too fond of labels, bro fucks with most pronouns, and he will wear a skirt. Has practiced kissing with Narita. Probably poly too (i need poly rep)

lactose intolerant (you bet your biscuits he ignores that) (ik this is another food allergy)

Kageyama - gay but didn’t realise it forEVER (*talking about hinata to miwa* “dude you’re gay?” “what the fuck is that” *cue one explanation later* “…oh shit.”) He/him pronouns but poor bb doesn’t understand much.

Dyslexia, Anger Issues, mild Anxiety

Hinata - He/him, probably trans FTM, tried some neopronouns for a while a didn’t hate them. Pansexual too. Look me in the eyes and tell me he would care about the gender of his lover. Exactly, you can’t.

ADHD part three, Dyscalculia

Tsukki!!! - my og self-projection. (*screaming*) Trans FTM, He/him pronouns STRICTLY (feels dysphoric otherwise). Gay as hell bro. Has kissed Tadashi before for ‘practice’.

Autistic, (probably AuDHD tbf), hypermobile, insomniac

Tadashi - AMAB, nonbinary, pansexual. Simple. Had a phase where he used a ton of specific and often unknown labels. Comfortable with his identity now.

General Anxiety Disorder.

Yachi - lesbian. Tell me she isnt. no im not listening to your argument. cis girl, she/her, but will respect your pronouns till the day she dies and beyond.

Social Anxiety.

Kiyoko - Also a lesbian. Had a boyfriend in middleschool that was so horrible she took one look at women and never looked back (definitely not a self projection…heh…) also she/her but isn’t fussed with they.

Didn’t learn to speak as a child until quite late on in her childhood. Not a disability but yk

Takeda - TRANS FTM RAH i love tranny ittetsu im sorry. i just love my ftm rep, and him. He/him pronouns because they feel affirming to him. always has period stuff stocked up in his bag for his trans and female students (*sobs*)

Autism. WOO

Ukai - He/him, cis male (though i do fw a ftm hc of him occasionally). He claimed to ‘not gaf’ about the whole ‘LGTQB-whatever-the-fuck bis’,’ cause it didn’t affect him. (since meeting ittetsu and coaching a team of fruitbowls and transformers, he’s secretly memorised as much as he can)

Claims he doesn’t but needs hearing aids. (He had to get them before his grandfather did and never once had had a moment of peace about it from Ukai senior.)

:)

[druidshollow]

what are all your rw oc’s genders and sexualities and pronouns

do you have like a page for it because i really want to know

oh god i dont lmao. lemme uhhh rip through as many come to mind on the bus rn LMAO

(bear in mind that my iterators dont feel sexual attraction so any labels i give can be taken as their romantic counterparts. i still call space aroace though because it matters to me lol)

ANCIENT EDITION

flowers - he/him, cisgender, straight (im aware i said he was bi but hes so fucking cishet to me im sorry. bi erasure lmao)

descent - she/her, i dont think shes cis necessarily but she is afab so its a pretty lax trans experience. idk what gender label id give her, bisexual

wander - he/she, bigender (intersex), pansexual

rasp - he/him/xe/xem, masc nonbinary, pansexual (rasp is rivers head engineer and wanders partner)

blade - he/him, cis, too busy being a dad to every orphan in the undersun to have time to know

mural - she/they, demigirl, straight

wrench - it/its, no specific gender term, aroace (blade and mural are descents adopted siblings, wrench lives with them)

feather - she/her, cisgender, bisexual

ITERATOR EDITION (im aware this isnt all of them i wasnt about to list dunes whole family LMAO)

rivers - he/him, cisgender, gay

phrases - they/them, transfem nonbinary, pan

glass - she/her, cis, aaaaace?

nights - he/him, cis, ace

space - they/he, agender, aroace

fleck - he/him, cis, gay (omg him and rivers have so much in common)

root - he/him, transman, demi

canopy - she/her, transwoman, lesbian

odyssey - she/her, cis, lesbian

dune - she/her, cis, lesbian but too up her own ass to consider anyone good enough for her

whimsy - she/her, cis, lesbian

DY - he/it, nonbinary of some sort, demi

rosaries - vey/vem, also nonbinary of some sort, aroace

exodus - fuck you (lighthearted im kiddin around  just teasing)

[dykeyote]

I want to thank you and your account for helping me understand better how to respect bigender people 💙 even if it's hard to say what you really want to without getting into discourse parameters, the things you have said has really helped me a lot with understanding my friend's and community

awww this is so sweet thank you so much!! i really appreciate that, im glad its helpful to you (: yeah its tricky because its hard to phrase things that will make sense without using discourse buzzwords like i kind of fell into doing a little in that post which i think muddled my messaging but genuinely like . i hope you dont mind me taking this opportunity to talk a little bit, hopefully its also illuminating for how to engage with people haha? but i think restructuring your understanding of gender to encompass the fact that some people are men And Something Else (same for women/nonbinary ppl of course but honestly that seems to be way less of a problem? which i have a lot of thoughts on and im writing a poem abt it but my analysis of manhood in queer communities isnt relevant here lol) goes a huge way in being able to like . interact w multigender people in a more nuanced fashion . and like not just Acknowledging that thats a thing that is true but really thinking about what the implications of simply the idea that a man can also be a woman might have on other ways you behave or other beliefs you hold goes a really long way . because so much of our society even (and sometimes especially) in queer communities tends to pit "man" and "woman" as complete opposites of each other that do not overlap - you can even see this in perfectly well intentioned progressive illustrations of the gender spectrum that intend to illustrate the breadth of nonbinary experiences, where they'll still set man and woman as two opposite points of said spectrum that do not overlap . and i genuinely just think like . i think a lot of people Intellectually understand that bigender people and pangender people and genderfluid people and all a manner of other multigender people who can be both men and women, often at the same time, do in fact exist - but they kind of like . dont really take that understanding and reflect it onto other beliefs that they hold and on other understandings of labels and definitions and what have u (tbh i dont think the queer community should Have universal definitions anyway and implementing this would delete like 60% of discourse from the community as a whole and 80% of lesbian discourse specifically but i digress) to see if they contradict and how u might wanna reorganize ur thinking to be more inclusive and whether that thinking is really useful in a real world context anyway . which is why i think ive seen a lot of people in the tags be like yeah okay this is really eye opening im going to consider this which i appreciate (: idk this turned into rambling but i think thats the crux of what i was trying to convey in that post

[your-bigender-big-brother]

Hi big brother! i recently came out as a trans guy to my sister and her response was very supportive but i'm kind of scared bc i feel weird abt it. this happens every time i come out to someone who's known me a long time, i get this period of time where i think "augh what if i'm not really trans after all and ive just made a huge mistake coming out" and it usually does pass eventually but i never know how to deal with it, and theres always a part of me thats like "is this even a normal thing to feel when u come out? isnt coming out supposed to make me feel better? is the fact that its making me feel bad right now, even when im accepted, a sign that i'm not really the gender i came out as?"

i don't know what i wanted to get out of sending this ask i guess what i want to know is have you or any other trans ppl ever experienced this? i feel like i'm alone in feeling this way :S

When I first came out as "some kind of nonbinary" (which is exactly how I worded it), I definitely had that same feeling. I thought that maybe my nonbinary experience wasn't quite enough to call myself nonbinary, because I also still considered myself a man. It took me a while to settle into the label and feel valid in that choice.

Coming out isn't always what we expect it to be. Sometimes, there might be some hesitation or doubt. I think the feeling of "Maybe I'm faking it" comes from too many expectations, whether it's what we expect of ourselves or what others expect of us. When we say we're trans, it often feels like people expect us to fit the label in a very specific way or else we don't feel like we really are trans. And we can very easily fall into the idea that if other people think we're faking it, then we need to think we're faking it.

It could be that maybe you're in the very beginning stages of transitioning (if that's a goal for you) and maybe you don't feel like you're quite where you want to be on that journey, so it feels like you're coming out as someone who is still just getting started. At least, that's sort of what I felt when I first came out as trans. I thought that since I hadn't done any kind of name change or gotten on hormones, people might treat my coming out as a joke. it's especially true when we come out to people who have only ever known us one way, only to suddenly have to view us differently.

It could also be that you need to give it time to settle in and for people to start making changes in how they view you - a new name, new pronouns, different gendered terminology, or whatever else you would prefer to change. You only just came out, so people haven't had the time to refer to you in any new way.

Either way, doubting is normal. Feeling unsure or invalid is normal. These things always take time and I'm sure with time, you'll start to feel that relief you were looking for. - 💙💚

[oxymoronictransfem]

speaking as an intersex trans person who was forcibly assigned a sex (forced hormones & most likely been surgically "fixed" as an infant) i kinda disagree with the AGAB/OGAB stuff

while yes i agree that the whole acronym of observed gender/sex is taking it a bit to far, it's at least trying to listen to intersex folks.

gender/sex assignment is largely an intersex specific thing, there's a book about it, detailing of "assigning a gender" is the correct way for "fixing" intersex bodies (regardless if it's infant or child). it wasn't necessarily an issue until perisex people claim it happens to them (bc they, on the larger scale, use it as a present tense)

my issue is 1) they're using AGAB wrong and 2) keep claiming our experience.

when we stop using AGAB & use FAGAB /CAGAB (forcibly assigned gender at birth/cohesively assigned gender at birth) to specifically talk about those of us who had been surgically and/or hormonally forced into a gender/sex) perisex people are literally there in there to "reclaim" terms that was forced on us by them in order to single us out, in the first place

i understand that perisex trans*, nonbinary, and other gender variant folks need to have terms to talk about their experiences & existence, as it is (largely) different than their gender conforming counterparts, but erasing intersex folks, esp. intersex trans* folks isnt it. watering down terms isn't it. yes, we're all assigned a gender.

but there's a difference between doctors just assuming your role by looking at infants legs and being "correct" (regarding puberty and body development) vs seeing your legs, surgically/hormonally changing it to be "normal" as it can be (whether infant or early childhood) and/or seeing that they "made a mistake", looking at your legs again, running test to determine which gender is closet to your case. both examples see you as a freak regardless.

p.s: i also understand where you're coming from with the AGAB. while it is true that we all assigned a gender, perisex & intersex will always have a different experience & i feel we need to have different names/terms/definitions for that

/gen /nm

- an intersex nonbinary guy

There has always been contention over the origin of AGAB terms and personally I've never seen any definitive evidence of it being created as an intersex specific term or a trans specific term.

I have heard myself within transfem communities that CAGAB was created by a trans woman who kept getting told she couldn't use AGAB because it was for intersex people.

Either way, I doubt changing the commonly used definition from AGAB to something else like OGAB will majorly impact anything at all. Most people seeing that acronym and either the “female” or “male” will treat it the same way.

People are arguing here about the wrong topic, no matter what acronym is used the majority will use it wrong because people tend to dumb things down in their minds to make them easier to understand. What is harder but would have more of an impact is actually discussing how all people are coercively assigned genders and discussing how intersex infants are reassigned.

And reassigned in my opinion is a pretty apt term for intersex people in and of itself. That is why I use it to talk about transgender women such as myself being impacted by it when we're reassigned genders.

If we're focusing on the goal of intersex liberation then I believe intersex narratives need to become mainstream in the queer community first and foremost. Adding a term into the lexicon without that won't have the same impact.

And again, the difference between the coercive assignment between perisex people and intersex people isn't that they're more “correct”, it's that they more violently force intersex people into a gender category. No one should have a label plastered on them that determines the rest of their life regardless of how they will grow up, that is not an objective designation.

[imagine-shenanigans]

hey guys i haven't even had a chance to see atsv yet i just know spoilers and i want this man biblically, i'm talking carnally, i want him in a way that hurts feminism, i want to bring the whole damn movement down so i can be his stupid little housewife and raise his damn kids so i can watch him be happy and then also get railed into losing every brain cell i have

anyway here's some abo headcanons, they include spoilers for the movie/his backstory probably because idk what is and isnt a spoiler because i havent seen it yet.

also this one works a bit differently than my normal layout, it goes SFW and then dips NSFW and ends with more SFW but they're all clearly labeled!

Reader is written gender neutral with they/them and the nsfw section has afab and amab sections, but since I'm Nonbinary and AFAB that's probably how it's gonna come off for most of the reading, just to warn you!

Miguel O'Hara x Reader N/SFW ABO Headcanons

Rating: Explicit

Word Count: 5k words

Content Warnings (tell me if I miss any): Dubcon, ABO, Obsessive Behavior, Toxic behavior, Omega reader, Alpha Miguel

For these headcanons we're gonna exist in a weird liminal space where Gabi is like, five to six or so and he brought her home with him or some shit idk man I just think he's a hot single father anwyay, also this is assuming omega reader because i think it's hot

if anyone wants a version where Miguel follows more canon and he still lost his kid and came back you're free to request that too i love that shit, just for this specific one i wanna raise his damn kids so-

SFW

Alpha, big alpha energies.

Miguel is the type of guy who's pretty obsessive with what he claims as his, I would honestly say borderline yandere vibes without fully delving into it - his mental state in this au/situation is also a lot better since he still has his daughter, so he's genuinely a lot less "feral" than he tends to get without her, even though in this we'll say he did almost lose her.

So when he claims someone, he's going to be damn sure he means it.

This ones a bit of a general headcanon but he doesn't really have a type when it comes to the people he likes, other than he needs someone who's interesting to him. Whether it's because you're hotheaded, or even keeled, whether you're snarky or sweet, he just needs something for his brain to latch onto.

Not a love at first sight guy but he is an "obsession I can't place" kind of guy.

Miguel has really enhanced senses when it comes to scenting, so it takes some damn strong suppressants and scent blockers to completely block him out... which if we're pretending reader here is falling with the abo trope of "hiding being an omega" (which we are because I love tropes) is just what gets him obsessed. Clothing and perfume that masks your scent, suppressants and scent blockers, and a confident attitude are all enough to throw most people off the (forgive my pun) scent.

But not Miguel.

His spider DNA has the animalistic side to it that fucks with his hormones regardless, makes it easier for him to pick up on the pheromones that even most attentive alphas can't, he's damn near a personal lie detector with how smart he is and how attuned he is to what his nose and instincts tell him, even when he's using serums to keep the more feral urges at bay.

He can only get a whiff of you, fainter than most betas, and it drives him fucking insane knowing he can smell something but he can't figure it out. He can't place it, and it nags at his brain. He can smell a whiff of flowers, or sugar, or something undeniably citrus (depending on what you headcanon your own smell to be) but he can't place it and he hates that shit.

Ends up pulling some traditional alpha shit and he can't even help it, starts trying to crowd you until you kick him in the shin or Peter B or Jess shoos him away. He has to figure out what it is, he has to know.

It only gets worse when he brings Gabi in (a babysitter fell through) and you end up butting your way in to play with Gabi and Mayday, delighting in watching them for the day instead of whatever you were supposed to be doing. They're both so cute and sweet.

Gabi smells primarily like cinnamon and a bit like dewey grass - she's not old enough to have presented yet, but her basic scent, unaffected by the secondary gender hormones, is simple and sweet, reminds you of a summer morning.

She takes after her father in that regard - Miguel smells *warm* and a bit musky, like trees and cinnamon and, a bit like a camp fire. A small tinge of oil, when you pick it apart, and you can't tell if its from the lingering scent on his skin after fixing a broken machine nobody else could, or if that's part of his natural scent.

(Mayday smells like marshmallows, and carmel, funnily enough)

When you take care of Gabi and Mayday, your scent lingers on their skin, mixes and twists in a way that Peter B can't notice but Miguel can. It's all he can do not to be a damn freak and pick his baby girl up and sniff her hair to try and figure out why she smells like that (not in a creepy way, to clarify because there are some freaks on here, but in the same way a dog gets baffled by smelling you use a new perfume, or in the way of when you pick your kid up and go "WHY DO I SMELL CANDLES ON YOU WHAT WERE YOU DOING")

He almost can't stand how his head swims when he watches you pick Gabi up and gently throw her up in the air a bit, watching you let her climb onto you while you're distracted just like Mayday does. Soothe her tears when she accidentally breaks a toy because she's still learning to control her super strength.

He doesn't know that he wants you either, not until long after he's already manifested feelings. Doesn't realize how protective he is, doesn't realize how differently he treats you. He doesn't realize he's lingering in your area just long enough to make sure he can fill his nose with the faint scent you give off.

He assumes you're a beta - not that it mattered to him, really. Miguel would just as soon marry another alpha as he would a beta or an omega, as long as it's you.

He doesn't realize what he's doing until he's got a piece of your clothing in his hands, holding it in the dead of night up to his nose. A scarf or a glove or a jacket you'd leant to Gabi during the day and she'd spilled her juice on it and he'd taken it home to wash it.

He can smell his daughter's scent, louder than life, so familiar he could have a handful of pepper thrown at him and he'd still be able to wrap his arms around her and move her out of harm's way in the direst of straits.

And then there's yours, linger, mingling with his daughter's scent, and it's the parent of his child.

It's not, it's not the woman who birthed Gabi, it's not the woman who contributed to making her. It's you, the only other person he ever wants near his child in that capacity. And it's intoxicating. It's infuriating. It's overwhelming because the full breadth of his own emotions is so strong as he realizes what he's been doing. And he can't even tell you because he holds himself to a specific standard, a specific code of ethics, and even though he wants to risk it all just so his hindbrain (both alpha and spider and his own human instincts all mingling in one) can have his little loves all wrapped up in his arms, safe where he can protect them.

He only just has the strength to wash the piece of cloth and return it. It takes everything he has not to cling to it, to make a pretty little nest to protect his family in, webs and pillows and fabric, a basis of protection so you can properly make it your own and -

He controls himself, and returns the scarf the next day, leaving it on your desk because he can't bear to look you in the eyes.

The days struggle by, a stark contrast to his normal snark, to lingering in your space and snorting and rolling his eyes. To being by your side more than he normally is. It's disheartening, it makes you feel rejected, and he knows it.

But he doesn't stop, this tension that can cut through the air lingering. Even Gabi and May notice it, the older girl frowning and the younger fussing when the two of you are in the room together.

And then your heat happens.

(brief bullet point break because there's a limit to how much you can have in one bulleted section on tumblr and I don't remember what it is but I'd rather just break here)

You've been on suppressants and scent blockers for years now. Being in your line of work (whether you headcanon this as a spiderperson version of you, or a different kind of superhero, or a civillian all working in the society) it's necessary. Omegas aren't rare but they're not the majority of the population like betas are. In Nueva York, it's a coin toss if you'll be fought over in the streets like some prize to be won, or if you'll be coddled like a child who can't figure out what's best for them.

It's half safety half preference at this point, from your original universe's standard (before it had burnt to cinders before you), and this one's. Your suit, your meds, and your behavior, they're all meant to mask and confuse.

But you can only make it so long on the prescription you've got, the long-lasting shots that were more reliable than a pill. The scent blockers go first - not by design, but by chance. You'd been giving yourself lower doses since you'd wound up in Nueva York, supplementing it with deodorants and lotions swiped from stores and hospitals that could afford to spare the supplies when you can't buy it covertly. But you'd still been low in comparison to your suppressants.

You shower more frequently, lather yourself with soaps and deodorants and lotions of different scents and ones that have blocking effects, and for the most part it works. You can't quite fool Gabi - too smart, too tuned in to your emotions like her father could be. She's got a sharp nose, and she wrinkles it when she can smell how confusing your scent is. She asks questions, and you can't lie your way out of it, but you are able to bribe her so she's distracted long enough that she forgets the question. Miguel notices, when he picks up Gabi, but he can't quite figure out exactly what's wrong, and you leave so fast (he assumes with the tension that lingers between the two of you) that he can't figure it out.

You're so certain you're in the clear.

But then your shots run out, and even you can't get more without a prescription. And while your health information would never go through Miguel, you know that the medispiders have to go through him or Lyla for any heavy duty things like suppressants, because they have to be resourced more carefully.

And your last doctor, although wildly shady, and incompetent, and operating out of an apartment, was right about one thing - suppressants will rot you from the inside out if you're not careful. If you don't let a natural heat occur, it will only be worse in the long run. (Although you suppose he probably had a greasier, grosser reason for telling you that.)

And rot you from the inside they have - all your natural reactions to a heat, all your normal bodily functions don't work properly, when confronted with something they haven't seen in years. You know within seconds of your suppressants flushing out of your system what's going on. You're still in the pre-heat phase of things, and you feel like you're dying. You aren't, and you know you aren't, but you feel nauseous and feverish and incoherent within an hour tops. Only long enough to let you panic and send a text to Miguel that you can't watch Gabi like you'd planned. That you're going out ad you won't be back awhile. You leave your phone in your room, when you pack your bag and head for the nearest somewhat reputable hotel that you can afford. You brace the door with the dresser, explicit instructions left for the front desk to, under no circumstances, contact you for the next week.

You get an order of pre-made meals to slap into the fridge, water and juice and all sorts of drinks and things shoved haphazardly inside once the bot brings it in through the window. You're barely coherent enough to retain control to crush the landline, rendering it inoperable, before you barricade the rest of the room.

You're definitely not in control when you nest, blankets and pillows and clothing all thrown haphazardly around as you go fully out of your gourd.

You're damn well out of your mind by the time you would have normally realized the card you were using was in Miguel's name.

(another very brief line break in this portion for drama but also so I don't hit any limits)

Miguel is pissed when you leave so suddenly.

Sure, he's been avoiding you, and sure, you aren't actually together, but you're his damn it. You don't know it, and sure, he's not going to acknowledge it out loud until something happens, but you can't just leave him and your child and his child who loves you high and dry like that!

It's laughably easy to find you, to find the hotel you've checked into. He doesn't even wait to figure out the reason you left, he's so quick on his honestly kinda toxic bs.

Gabi is left with Peter B and Jess for a bit, and Miguel is honestly so smug that he finds you so fast. You were so sloppy about it. So quick to leave that even though you left your phone behind, in a moment of clarity, you barely bothered to take back streets. You used his own damn card he'd given you to pay for the hotel for two weeks, and to order food.

If he weren't half out of his mind with concern and anger about how quickly you left, he'd be angry you used the card without asking like you normally did.

(His hind brain purrs with it though, knowing he's provided for you)

He doesn't know what did it. Miguel genuinely doesn't know what he did to earn your ire in such a way, but he can guess. He doesn't think it's how cold he was, in the beginning, but he isn't sure that it's not how he'd warmed up to you. How, when he'd let his guard down without realizing it, that he'd flirted with you. Had that made you uncomfortable? Had every 'innocent' brush against you turned you against him? Certainly, it could be his absence, his sudden coolness and stonewalling. It could be how he refused to look at you, when you were in the room. Tried to hold his breath after he'd realized what he was doing.

He doesn't really listen to Lyla when she tries telling him things. He heard where you where, found out the room, and swiped a key before Lyla could finish talking about vital signs and behaviors. She knows to set his alerts to emergency only for the foreseeable future, because she's figured it out much quicker than he has, and she figures she'll at least spare herself the trouble. Gets Gabi set up with Jess for the night, and is on her way so she doesn't have to deal with what's about to go down.

He's surprised by the dresser in front of the door, when he tries to get in the first time. It's easy for him to move - he just lowers his center of gravity and pushes his way into the room, slamming the door shut before he can inhale.

The hotel room is nice, with a kitchenette and a small entry area with a couch and a television. The bedroom is just tucked out of sight. Exactly what he expected when he'd heard the hotel's name - he'd never been, but he recognized it.

And it's when he inhales, that he realizes why.

Your scent hits him hard and fast, chokingly sweet in the back of his throat in a way that makes his hindbrain roar. His pupils blow wide, and if he didn't have such a strong self control, he'd have torn the damn door off its hinges looking for you.

He remembers, in that moment, why he recognized the hotel. It was one that was best known for its handling of customers in heat and rut.

NSFW INTERLUDE

(We're gonna start with general headcanons and go back into the specifics of the scenario in a sec but it's all relevant fjasdkl;)

Miguel is a Dom-leaning switch, he prefers to be in control as often as possible, regardless of whether he's topping or bottoming. Nine times out of ten, he wants to fuck his partner until they're an incoherent, babbling mess, because he enjoys the power and control it gives him, enjoys the dynamic of it.

As he gets more comfortable with a partner, he's more willing to accept the idea of subbing, enjoying it more when he has someone he trusts behind the wheel, so to speak.

(Because yes, Alphas can be subs too - that's a whole thing I could get into and might if someone asks)

And Miguel, even normally, is already a possessive guy. He's needy, and stakes his claim, and when we're talking about abo Miguel?

Sheeeeeesh

The moment he scents you in the air, the moment it clicks in his brain that you're going through a rut or a heat, it goes straight to his dick.

He damn near loses it, fighting not to tear the door off its hinges as he stalks to your room. Your scent is so strong in the air that even though he knows he should turn around, he still at the very least wants to make sure you're okay. So the sight of you, face down, ass up, fingers pressing into yourself, he almost loses his damn mind.

His pretty little wife/husband/spouse coworker, his crush, is an omega. It's almost too good to be true, and he can feel his fucking fangs extend, his mouth watering as he stares at you. You're too blissed out to even realize he's there, slick dripping down your thighs like a fucking faucet... and his name is on your lips.

He could cum untouched, could die a happy, happy man after seeing this.

He has dignity, and self control though, even as the force of your hit heats him. He's genuinely concerned, a moment later, his instinct to breed to claim tampered down by his need to care.

You cling to him, hazy, feverish, and incoherent. You beg him to claim you, to mark you, to fuck you. Miguel wants to, he does... but he instead kicks his shoes off but otherwise stays fully clothed, his cock so hard it hurts as he grabs the closest bottle of water, and an ice pack, and climbs into your haphazard nest with you. He probably should have left by now, but instead he seats you against him, your back pressed to his chest, and he presses the ice pack to your forehead, ordering you to keep it there as he makes you drink water, sip by sip.

You whine, and beg, and squirm, but you obey.

He fucks you on his fingers, once he's gotten some water into you. Hard and fast, leaving you breathless, tense, until you cum all over his fingers, oversensitive as he fingerfucks you into another one, and another, arms like steel wrapped around your waist as one hand pounds into you, the other wrapped around your dick or circling hard on your clit. It's not enough to genuinely sate your heat, but it's enough to help. And he doesn't trust himself to put his own mouth to use - barely trusts himself to speak, even though most of what he growls into your ear is, strictly speaking, complete and utter nonsense as he's caught in the moment. Every time you cum, he praises you, telling you how good you are for it. How sweet you look, with tears streaming down your face, cumming so well for him.

When there's enough coherency for you to have a conversation (but not coherent enough to be mortified), Miguel is able to get the rough gist of the situation. He really can only piece together that the heat is going to be a strong one, that it came fast, and that you had panicked. There's a confession, to be had there. He agrees to help you through your heat, but only under the condition that you're his.

It's toxic, and of dubious consent at best, but he'll pull as many orgasms out of you as needed to keep you coherent enough to talk to him. He's helped an omega through a heat or two, and he knows what he's doing. He's not exactly clearheaded himself, in making the decision - but he does make sure that this is truly what you want before he proceeds.

When he's sure that it's not just the heat speaking, that you truly do care for him, that you want him to stay even after your heat has subsided, he allows himself to indulge.

Sympathy ruts are common, and it builds slowly inside of him as he indulges in his instincts. Holding you, kissing you, pressing his fingers inside of you over and over and over again until you pass out. He keeps you wrapped up in the nest, adding his shirt to the mix while you sleep, but not trusting himself to completely strip quite yet.

Miguel is an attentive alpha.

(While you sleep, he excuses himself from the nest to call his daughter, to assure her everything will be okay, and he just explains simply that you'd gotten sick, that you needed him for a bit, and that he'd be back once you were feeling better. He promises to call every night, and he works out a schedule with Peter B and Jess in the meantime.)

(When you overhear him, voice so soft, so protective, so gentle, it half makes you want to swoon, and half want to climb on his lap and fuck yourself stupid on his cock until he fills you up so you can give his daughter a sibling.)

This man is going to spend a good majority of his time pre-sympathy rut fucking you open on his fingers and his mouth. He wants to make sure you're ready, wants to make sure he can enjoy this for as long as possible.

By the end of it, he makes sure to fuck you, nice and steady, a hand on your throat and his lips on yours. He makes sure you're nice and coherent for it. He wants to make sure you remember it, when he claims you. When his (fucking horse cock, the dude's packing like ten to twelve inches which is great for my chubby bitches like me) dick fills you up so full that you're almost certain you'll break, hiccupping and sobbing as you keen and wail, the nest below you soaked as he fills you up. His fangs sink into your neck and you cum, right then, his hands grabbing your thighs so hard he's sure it will bruise. He fucks you through your orgasm, knot catching until it slips inside. He rubs your clit/tugs on your dick as he finally knots you, making sure you cum just one more time for me, cariño.

normal Miguel definitely has a claiming and breeding kink, so it's fucking intensified by ten when he's omegaverse Miguel... let alone when the man's subject to his rut. You'll be covered in scratches and bites and hickies by the time you're both coherent enough to function properly again.

Which... for Miguel, is a solid few hours of coherency at a time.

For you? You're only ever coherent in short bursts, and it's like the peak of your heat constantly for almost the full week.

This next bit just mostly borders on nsfw/has some nsfw parts so i'll put it at the end here before going back to sfw

Like I mentioned before, Miguel is a very attentive alpha.

He's going to fuck you seven different ways in an hour with his superhuman stamina, but he's also going to make sure to actually take care of you.

He makes sure you drink electrolytes and water in equal measure, makes sure you eat, and sleep, and he bathes you himself, carrying you into the shower and keeping you pressed against him as he massages your muscles and washes your hair and body with a soft cloth, using completely unscented soaps and shampoos so it doesn't overwhelm you. Presses bandages to your scrapes and bites so you'll heal faster. Cool cloths and ice packs and fever reducing medicine.

He finds he has to bribe you, during this time, even for the most basic tasks like eating and drinking, and he would be lying if he said he didn't enjoy having to plug you up with his cock just to get you to eat wasn't hot as hell. The fact that you need him so badly you'd rather forgo basic necessities... it's addicting. Granted, he doesn't actually let you - he's got enough control that he can make sure you're taken care of in all regards.

Back to SFW time!

After your heat itself passes, you're subject to the suppressant sickness that comes with it. Your fever has broken, but you're still nauseous and dizzy and fatigued as your body flushes everything out of your system.

Miguel is beyond pissed when he finds out why you're still sick.

It's reckless to not even have a natural heat once every six months, let alone taking your suppressants so solidly that you hadn't had one in years. If he'd known, he'd have said consequences be damned and would have bitten you the moment he walked through the door, and taken you to the hospital.

He doesn't care how embarrassed you are, when he packs all of your things back up into the sealable bags, and dresses you in his own clothing. He's almost out of his mind when he takes both of you back to HQ - only just remembering to take back corridors to the medic so they can check you over properly.

You've then got two spider people who are pissed, as the medic rants about how dangerous that was, how stupid it was that you did that, instead of just swallowing your pride and letting them help you control things. They order you on house arrest for a full month, to make sure your body can recover properly. No suppressants, no scent blockers (at least the medical kind) for a couple years, and only medicine that's medically necessary, and even then it has to be monitored more carefully.

Miguel lets the Medispider tear you a new one for a moment while he steps into the hallway, giving you privacy and space to figure things out with the doctor while he catches up with Gabi.

When you're done with the Medispider, it's not a question on if you're staying with Miguel or not - you really don't have a choice in the matter, he tells you. When you're recovered, you can decide if you want to move in or not, but until then he was going to personally keep an eye on you.

Gabi, who lacks the complete understanding of the why and the how behind it all, is just glad that the person they've been trying to scheme their father into confessing to is actually going to live with them. (Even if only for about a month.) She grins smugly when she realizes you smell like her dad.

Miguel lets you have pick of the house, when he carries you back to his beautiful, cozy suburban home. He leaves the proper tour up to Gabi, as he carries you both, letting Gabi tell you about everything excitedly. You stay in his bed (you two had claimed each other, and although Miguel does give you the option of your own room... you'd rather die than lose the comfort that comes with being around your mate.)

Miguel cooks properly for you while you stay with him and Gabi.

No more prepackaged meals, he sneers, instead making you chicken noodle soup from scratch, with bone broth and lots of vegetables. Breakfast every morning before he takes Gabi to school, tucks you in to sleep while he pops into the HQ to check on things. He's out of commission from missions while he cares for you, but he still makes sure things go smoothly. He's home by lunch, sometimes bringing you fast food instead of cooking so you can have your fill of a greasy burger or fries or something to sate the part of you that needs something unhealthy and indulgent. Holds you in his lap while you both eat, watching TV on the couch.

He finishes his work and goes on emergency-only mode when it's time to pick up Gabi from school. He tucks you into the passenger seat if you feel up to it, buckling you up himself and pressing a kiss to your lips, even though he doesn't need to. He knows you can buckle yourself up, and lets you do so when you insist, but it makes him happy to know he's taking measures to keep you safe.

He does force you to take a blanket with you, just in case though.

When all three of you get home, he makes dinner, sometimes with Gabi helping him, sometimes you, sometimes just himself. He has a pretty wide range of foods he ends up making, but it's primarily because they're foods he likes, or Gabi likes, and he learned to make them. He's a good cook, overall.

It's the best work-life balance he's had in a long time.

When you're better, he all but begs you to stay.

And god, how could you say no to him?

(Also for those who it matters for, if you do end up pregnant from the Heat Adventures he obviously loves kids and would love one with you, but if you don't feel ready/don't want to have kids other than Gabi, he absolutely respects it, and will talk about options with you. Granted, he'll be disappointed, but at the end of the day it's not something he CAN'T move past. Discusses birth control options with you almost immediately when the two of you get intimate again.)

[genderkoolaid]

i dont think i talked about it on here but there was a time period semi-recently where i felt very depressed about being agender, because there just isnt any space in society for agenderedness. everything is either grounded in or somehow based on masculinity or femininity. and while i love and have various connections with both of those, and androgyny, being agender felt like. pointless? it feels like there isnt really any ground for it to stand on. there is very little focus anywhere on specifically agender/neutrois relationships with other agender/neutrois people. the largest nonbinary communities tend to be nblw/nblm and both those tend to lean very heavily into either masculinity or femininity. and living life you constantly have to gender yourself or be gendered by others. so it feels like, whats the point of talking about being agender? does it really exist as an identity beyond a label and a flag?

idk. i think as much as multigender people have been shafted by the larger queer community the same applies to agender people and i have to also work to accept that about myself.

[mysteriouscrookedbasement]

young adult shapey!! working on block rn lol i had to get this design out of my system first tho. rambling under the cut!

soooooo uhhhh here r some hcs i have for my interpretation of an older shapey!!

when shapey and block manage to save up enough money to move out, they start living in an apartment in sinville. initially they did so out of defiance towards their shitty parents but eventually they find that sinville is a lot more accepting than moralton and they have more of a reason to stay there rather than just out of spite.

shapey has a complicated relationship with gender. it always felt weirdly detached from masculinity and wasn't able to relate to its father or its mother growing up. before moving to sinville it just believed that was another one of its issues, but in sinville it discovered what nonbinary people were. shapey uses it/she pronouns and doesn't put any specific label on her gender other than nonbinary because, fuck, ruminating too hard on something like that might just drive her insane. she doesn't change her name at all because she just doesn't really care. shapey isnt really that much of a gendered name anyway.

she, to put it bluntly, has mommy issues. it has problems with trusting new people, but like if a girl is nice to it it will get down on its knees and be like "i trust you with my life now please shower me in affection. but like not too much it scares me sometimes LMAO." block tries to tell her she has a problem sometimes and shes always just like "yeah."

shes an atheistic satanist, and has been identifying as such since she moved to sinville. shes never had any kind of attachment to christianity and basically only attended church because she had to LOL. shapey expects orel to freak out when he finds out its a satanist but orels just like "oh that's nice :) im glad youre happy" and it sheds real tears.

shapey has the tendency to get physically aggressive when it's angry but it's working on it. sometimes she punches her pillow and other times she'll just take some ice cubes and throw them into her bathtub one by one. block hears her doing the ice cube trick at like 3 in the morning sometimes and it always startles him until he realizes that his sibling is just Coping.

adding onto that shapey is just. Kind of volatile in general. like one moment it'll be giggling and kicking its feet like a little german boy and the next moment it'll be screaming angrily and crying its eyes out. cue the ice cube throwing.

if it's in a good mood it'll usually be Very smiley and giddy and will act like some happy-go-lucky children's show protagonist but like, in a chaotic sort of way. like idk. a Gremlin. she gets compliments for it sometimes which she revels in bc she Loves attention.

if it's in a bad mood it'll close itself off from others and just hide in its room all day. piss it off and it'll punch your fucking face in.

she still likes cake. its a comfort food of hers, actually, so like when she's sad expect to see her chowing down on some double chocolate cake or something.

orel is So proud of her for how far she's come to the point where he cries sometimes bc she just. speaks like she's always spoken, if that makes sense. he's very supportive of shapey!!

shapey's still struggling but it's on its way to recovery and it's surrounded by people who love it and accept it for who it is :)

also she's not a fucking cop.

[hungry-hobbits]

okay here's a huge gripe i have that no one asked me to talk about but i'm gonna do it anyway

the biggest issue i have w lumping good omens in with wwdits and ofmd as the "new trio of queer rep" is that good omens the show isnt good queer rep; while obviously the two protags are in love it's still very much two guys hanging out who are ambiguously gendered eternal beings but mainly present as cis men - and while i understand that labeling them as one sexuality/gender would be redundant to the sort of creatures they are, it still leaves a lot of space where they can just do what they're currently doing, not explore any of those other identities that they can take, and people will be like well it's still queer!! it's still queer rep, but rep in a way that's also easily ignorable which means a broader audience will have less of an issue with it (outside of the issues specific parts of the audience had with it upon its release i know about all that)

whereas wwdits and ofmd dont bother to tiptoe around the concept of sexuality and gender at all and are in fact very proud and in your face about it while also having it incredibly normalized in the settings of both universes (well wwdits more than ofmd, but ones a historical dramedy the other is vampires in modern day) - you have openly gay/bi/pan people, you have wlw, you have nonbinary people, you have closeted people coming to terms with their sexualities over time, you have genderless ageless beings in domestic relationships, you have a normalization of different situations and identities etc etc - it's there without having to squint and look at the rules n stuff and you cannot simply wave it away either because all of it is an integral part to the series and the world that theyre in

they are also not the "new superwholock" because that in and of itself is an entirely un-replicable phenomena + none of those shows are explicitly queer - to say that wwdits/ofmd is comparative to any one show in that trio is a disservice to what taika waititi, jemaine clement, and david jenkins have put out into the world, especially now when the lgbt+ community is being beaten down so heavily. taiki and jemaine with wwdits in 4 seasons, and david with ofmd in 10 episodes have done more in terms of queer rep than any part of superwholock did in their entire runnings

[fatalism-and-villainy]

if you're comfortable talking about it, can you elaborate (maybe in a very general sense) on how those posts are messing up their discussion of the nb experience? I'm curious and I also don't want to make the same kind of mistakes.

Sure, I don't mind explaining further. I don't think I can do so in a general sense, though - being on Pillowfort has made me much more inclined towards using specific examples. I think that's not really the done thing on tumblr, both because it's hard to link to things here when URLs can change, and because it's tacitly considered against etiquette (or, least, I know I instinctively flinch away from doing so). But I think a lot of discussions would be less inflammatory here if people were more specific about what they were complaining about, and I think this is a topic that benefits from close reading some examples, because a lot of it is subtle stuff in the wording that betrays a lot of broader and more pernicious assumptions.

So I'm not including these examples to chastise anyone, I'm just using them because they're useful illustrations of a bigger problem.

My post that prompted this, for context:

I have seen two posts in the last few days that conflate how nonbinary people get read by others with nonbinary people’s own personal relationship to gender and the nonbinary label. I’m so so sick of this.

Alright, post #1 (and I did find a thread where some people were pointing out some of the same issues I have with it, but I saw it reblogged with this addition on its own, so it's worth pointing out). OP's post:

if you call a nonbinary person cis bc they don't perform androgyny to a level you approve of i'm omw with a big hammer to shatter your kneecaps

Note the "perform androgyny to a level you approve of" phrasing - this is about others' perception of nonbinary people and of what constitutes androgyny. Now look at this addition:

This is incredibly important to remember. Nonbinary isnt just a middle ground or a third gender. Its not being in the binary. Thats it. That means something different to every nb person. So maybe someone does lean a bit more into their assigned gender at birth, they’re still nonbinary and calling them cis just because they arent preforming for you is transphobic- Yes even if you are trans too.

I agree that nonbinary people can have some kind of identification with their assigned gender, and that this doesn't negate their being nonbinary or trans - but, crucially, that's a different topic from what the OP was about. The OP was about how people look to others, and how they meet others' standards for what a nonbinary person should look like.

And what counts as "performing" androgyny is not only very subjective, individually and subculturally, but also full of double standards. There are people who would consider simply having visible breasts, or not trying to hide my body shape, as "presenting" as a woman, or not being androgynous, even if my clothes or hairstyle would be read as "masculine" on a cis man. (Side note: the way I often wear my hair is something I've mainly seen on men, and some nonbinary people as well, but because it's long on the top a lot of people would think "feminine". The gendering of hair is weird.) Similarly, I like wearing brightly coloured lipstick. This isn't because my identity is at all "feminine" or aligned with womanhood - I just like bright colours on my lips 😂. Additionally, there are nonbinary people who might get read as "androgynous", or whose gender might be harder to visually sort into a binary category, who do, in fact, feel some affiliation with their assigned gender. These are separable categories.

While the addition is alright on its own as an observation, I think adding it here actually undermines the point of the OP. The original post argues that others' perceptions are not the determiner of whether someone else "counts" as trans, and the addition, even while in agreement that nonbinary people who aren't "androgynous enough" count as trans... also falls into using others' perceptions as a determiner of another's identity.

The second post is here:

even spicier take: “non-binary” means a thousand different things to a thousand different people and therefore anyone of any sexuality could theoretically be attracted to a non-binary person in some capacity, so if you’re gay and someone you’re attracted to says, “i’m non-binary,” you don’t actually have to redefine your entire identity, you can just drink a cup of sleepytime tea and go right on being gay and into non-binary people.

So, this starts out with "nonbinary means a thousand different things to a thousand different people", which leads me to think that this is about relationship compatibility - i.e., that there are nonbinary people whose personal version of "nonbinary" doesn't preclude gay relationships or gay-identified partners. But the following statement implies a slightly different angle - "therefore anyone of any sexuality could theoretically be attracted to a nonbinary person in some capacity." The "therefore" doesn't follow for me, because "being attracted to someone" is very different from relationship compatibility, and doesn't have anything to do with how a nonbinary person self-identifies or wants to be socially positioned.

I think this sort of confusion is part of what makes a lot of conversations about "attraction to nonbinary people" so fraught - because there are several different scenarios implied in how this post is written. Are we talking about the possibility of a gay person actually forging a relationship with a nonbinary person? Are we talking about seeing someone in passing that you think is attractive who turns out to be nonbinary? The phrasing "if... someone you're attracted to says, 'i'm nonbinary'" implies this is a scenario in which the attraction started before learning that person's gender. But is this just a passing crush, or someone you happened to notice, or is it meant to be someone you're already in a relationship with? Because those are two different scenarios! If we're talking about the possibility of a gay person having a relationship with a nonbinary person, then what being nonbinary "means" to that person is relevant. But if we're talking about a gay person just being attracted in passing to a person who turns out to be nonbinary, then the attraction itself does not say anything about, or having anything to do with, that nonbinary person's self-conception.

Look, here's the thing. It's pretty inevitable that we all visually misclassify people from time to time, even cis people. Attraction is also internal and does not affect the other person at all. I don't think the possibility that someone you happen to find attractive might not actually be your preferred gender, or might potentially find your attraction distressing, need be a source of scrupulosity - just pay attention to their signals in your actual interactions with them and treat them how they've implied or explicitly stated they'd like to be classed. Similarly, I think sexual orientation is about patterns and general trends, and one person falling outside that pattern doesn't necessitate changing one's identity. But that says fuck-all about the identity or feelings of the nonbinary person in question. The idea that it does has the (probably unintentional) implication that a gay woman finding me attractive means that I must be "woman-aligned" or comfortable being classed that way in relationships, which is not at all the case.

Like, the separate implications the wording here in this post are all points I agree with: some nonbinary people find "gay" as an identity or social position to be compatible with their conception of themselves, and being mistaken about someone's gender or having an exception to your general pattern of attraction doesn't necessitate an identity crisis. But is it clear how treating one of those things as naturally flowing from the other has troubling implications? Nonbinary people vary widely in how we want to be classed, or feel comfortable being classed, in the context of relationships. But other people's involuntary feelings of attraction are absolutely not a comment on that. And treating them as if they are is incredibly harmful.

[transfemlogan]

im new-ish here so sorry if this is an obvious question, but do you have trans headcanons for any of the other sides? 👀

HIII I have a million trans hcs always do not worry. I love talking abt trans sides

NOTE: i do bring up how i think some sides might not use prns or use neo prns or whatever, but i do still refer 2 them w/ he/him prns bcuz i might not have a set of prns i think theyd use. (Ex. I think roman uses neoprns, but I don't know which ones / my hc changes so I use he/him in this post. If that makes sense)

THIS GOT SUPER LONG SO IM PUTTING IT UNDER A READMORE !!!

I really like the concept of virgil being trans but not using a narrow label to describe himself. So rather than him identifying as a trans man or a trans woman or non binary, he just identifies as Transgender (or queer!). He doesnt use a specific label

I just feel like he either has so much anxiety abt his gender identity, he just doesnt focus on it at all & doesnt try 2 figure it out OR he has SO much anxiety abt his gender identity, he tries too hard 2 figure it out & has like a million labels he uses. No inbetween.

Roman TOTALLY hoards gender i bet that guy has like 300 genders & he doesnt stop getting more. I think Roman is just a very big hoarder of xenogenders & neo prns & even names. Like he gets a new name every month & with 3 new sets of prns. I feel like he has to scrutinise his gender & what it means 2 him & stuff bcuz he is the most insecure person on earth.

Patton & Janus 2 me r super chill abt their gender identity but in different ways

I tend 2 hc trans Patton as a gnc trans man. I think Pattons chill in the way that he knows what he is & he isnt worried too much abt if he "fits" that label. Like he 100% wears skirts & dresses & does his make up & does common "feminine" things, maybe still uses she/her prns, but isn't bothered abt whether or not that makes him a "real trans man." I bet this guy has ZERO gender dysphoria.

Patton sees someone talking abt what being a trans man "actually is" & hes like "i dont feel that way at all... oh well!" & moves on w/ his life. He is not worried at ALL. He is confident & happy w/ his identity. He ALSO def uses they/them prns (he/she/they patton REAL trust me)

Janus is also chill, but in the way that if he sees a label that fits him better he just changes to it without question. I dont have a stagnant trans label I give 2 Janus, i jump around a lot. I view Janus as like, "oh. I use the label (for example) demiboy, but I actually think trans masc agender fits me better. So i'm using that now" & then later is like "you know what? I think genderfluid fits me better, ill use that one instead" like he isnt freaking out if he relates to a different label or thinks hes something else. He's shrugging his shoulders & moving the fuck on. He also totally might use neoprns, i think he is a neoprn enjoyer. Janus changes his name 24/7, not due 2 gender rzns, but bcuz he is running from the police /j

REMUS IS DEF A NONBINARY PERSON. I cannot see remus as having a binary gender. This guy is genderqueer genderfreak agender gendervoid ANY OF IT. ALL OF IT !! Remus doesn't have a gender, but he definitely has a dead guy stored in the trunk of his car. He's too busy throwing bricks at people & going dumpster driving to have a binary gender. Roman took all the gender in the womb /j

Remus def doesn't use he/him or she/her prns but he either uses a set of neoprns OR doesn't use any prns at all.

And lastly, Logan, because u said "hcs for any of the other sides" which I am assuming means u already know what I tend to hc him as BUT!!! while I might change labels 4 Logan, I do tend 2 hc her as a she/her femme transfem genderfluid man. BUT i also really like genderqueer or xenogender user Logan!! I think Logan uses older terms 2 describe himself. Like rather than calling himself transgender, he prefers the term transsexual. He also 100% does so much research into trans history (OFC all the sides do but I think logan likes it in an autistic way) which is why he uses older terms.

ALSO LOGANS TOTALLY AUTIGENDER? I think he def has ASD & it affects the way he views his gender. Not in a "i dont get societal views about gender, so I don't understand my gender" but in a "i dont get societal views abt gender, so I understand my gender very well" (aka im projecting on2 logan) if that makes any amount of sense. Its more abt the fact that he wants to understand why people view gender a certain way & learning the "rules" around gender & making his own, rather than not understanding & rejecting the concept (which both r ok). He is a rule follower & a schedule needer what else can i say.

AND !!! JUST BECAUSE I CAN !!! I think the orange side is also very autistic but on the opposite spectrum from Logan (I JUST FEEL IN MY HEART THAT HES AUTISTIC. I KNOW IVE NEVER MET HIM BUT HES AUTISTIC TO ME. I can SENSE it.)

He 100% doesn't get the concept of gender so he rejects it completely. He doesn't get the "rules" & doesnt want to know them. Whether this means he is on the binary or nonbinary IDK i just know this man wants 2 fist fight the concept of gender.

[gloaming-sometimes]

first of all, the way you worded this comes off as belittling, i dont know if that was your intention but thats how it feels. i'll answer regardless but know that i and anyone else with a nuanced identity are not obligated to to justify our identities to you because you dont understand it or at the very least respect our right to self determination. im going to be so honest with you when i say that sentiments like this in the queer community (as in "i dont understand your identity therefore it is bigoted to me personally/the rest of what i deem the 'real' community") is a deep plague to us. stupid ass discourse (which is almost exclusively an online phenomenon, btw) is not helping progress us as a community with ourselves or with non-queers, it isnt helping fight the often times life or death issues we face and it sures a hell isn't helping/uplifting anyone in our community; in fact i would argue it is doing the exact opposite of all those things.

anywho, on to answering your actual question. you clearly already know the literal definition of these terms but i feel your understanding of what being bi, pan, otherwise mspec, lesbian, gay, etc is incomplete (and i am not claiming mine or anyone else's is either, out of eight billion people it would impossible to understand every label as every individual sees themselves in relation to it). so let me just go over some things:

bi does not always mean attraction to two genders (often defined as two or more), it does not always mean attraction to both men and women (for example you could only like women and nonbinary people or any other combination of genders), and it is not always static attraction to the same two genders at a fixed preference (see the term bi-cycle, people who may or may not identify as abro/orientationally fluid may also identify as bi. not every bi person always likes two or more genders at the same time)

m-spec does not just mean bi, pan, omni, poly/poli/ply, abro. it is an UMBRELLA TERM for anyone who likes more than one gender. that can mean a lot of things to a lot of different people.

lesbian/gay/homo have not always meant exclusive attraction to the same/similar gender. lesbian started out as an umbrella term much like how sapphic is used now and gay started out as a derogatory term. in my opinion nothing about the term homosexual/romantic/etc indicates that it is exclusive, just that it is attraction of a same or similar gender or is queer in nature

heres a more tangible example of the labels being used like this: a bi lesbian who does not like men (likes women + nonbinary people, may or may not identify as enbian/diamoric/cenelian/etc), a genderfluid person who is only attracted to women so is sometimes hetero and sometimes lesbian (not inherently an mspec identity the way i described it), a multigender person who is homo- for both genders making them gaybian/sapphillean/etc (thats what i am!), a bi/abro/fluid person who always/commonly likes men and sometimes likes women might identify as bi/abro gay/straight, so on and so on. and thats not even getting into split attraction model (for example being bisexual homoromantic). are you starting to understand that conceptualizing queer labels as being rigid, "opposites" of each other and incapable overlapping is not reflective of people's experience with their identity and the way they chose to label it?

i feel like the reason behind some people understanding queerness like this goes back to recent gay rights movements which, while have been pretty affective and by far are a net positive, has "dumbed down" queer reality to make it easier for non-queers to understand. to make us more digestible, more conforming to "the norm" (which i have gripes with as it leaves many of behind, specifically those of us who cannot or dont want to conform to those norms). an unfortunate side effect of this is that now almost all queer representation in pop-culture is seen through this lense of digestibility, of respectability politics, which leads to even people in our own community (especially those who dont know an in person community and/or dont know queer history) understanding what we are and what we are capable of being as less than what it is.

if you'll notice mspec gays/lesbians/straights include both terms in the name, because the person in reference to the term is both. "why are you terrified of just being bisexual" i am just bisexual, i am also just lesbian, i am also just gay, i am also just something that no label will ever be able to fully describe. i like labels for myself though, they make me happy, so i stitch them together in a way that is me. do you understand yet? having a nuanced identity like this is not biphobic, homophobic or denying yourself what you are; it is quite the contrary, the labels i use were born from a deep love for myself, for how i experience identity. if you think being bisexual makes you "normal" thats your problem because i promise that is not the case. and ill say it! there are MANY ways relationships between a man and a woman can be queer (trans person with a trans person, trans person with a cis person (if that is how they see their relationship), transman/masc/etc in a lesbian relationship, transwoman/fem/etc in a gay relationship, aromantic or asexual spectrum, polyamory, male-female mspec relationships, and more). people seem to think that the label fits the person, the label controls what they experience, but that is not the case. all queer labels are opt-in, you choose them, that is the point. what they mean to the individual is extremely personal and unique to them. they are entirely subjective much like nearly everything else in life.

expand what you think it means to be queer, kill the cop in your head.

I habe so many questions for tumblr

what the fuck is a mspec straight, mspec lesbian, mspec gay.. like genuinely why don’t you just say bisexual?? Or pansexual?? Are you scared of being that? I mean I think it’s a little biphobic and homophobic to be scared of just saying you’re mspec 🤷‍♂️ why are you so terrified of the concept of just being bisexual. It’s like you quiver at what you truly are, because you’re scared of being seen as “normal”. just my thoughts lol.