#because no one knew I had ADHD

[mass-convergence]

…. Honestly I had never thought of this before this morning but …

When I was a kid I’d definitely rip through books like no one’s business. Even when watching TV became a thing in my life like … I’d read books. Why? Because back in ye olden days, we didn’t have easy access to bingeable shows. Shit came out piecemeal, episode by episode and the whole concept of just releasing a season in one go was unheard of. So when the show I was hyper fixated on ended I would be like “AAAAAA CAN’T WAIT UNTIL THE NEXT EPISODE” then flipped through a bunch of other channels and realized everything else was boring and then either grabbed a book and went outside to build forts in the woods.

Obviously if a series has been out for a while you could find it online through legal or slightly less legal methods and watch it in one go. Which I definitely did. But I was young and poor and didn’t want to risk getting like malware on my computer.

And I could be misremembering things but really I feel like the tipping point was when I got to college and I suddenly had unfettered access to my iPhone. In high school, I had an iPhone for my senior year but it was high school and I was a goody two shoes and scared of consequences. Use of phones was not allowed during school hours and the vice principle put the fear of god in me so I never used it. (Still pissed that she reamed me out for doing my stats homework in comp sci when I had already finished my assignment in that class and the teacher had kinda tacitly told me it was cool for me to work on other shit while people were finishing up)

But college? Hoooo boy.

Especially since iPhones were starting to get these fun things called apps

Specifically gaming apps. Like Clash of Clans.

Anyway I think that was the main turning point from me pivoting from reading a fuck ton of books to just being glued to my screen. I found a new way to hit up that dopamine dispenser.

So no… the iPhone nor TV made me ADHD. I was already ADHD since childhood when I didn’t even get access to a PC let alone a phone until like middle school. If y’all want to know how bad it got - the reason I never did my homework? The reason I procrastinated on doing an important project?

It was because I had my nose in a book.

My mom literally took my books away from me because I was reading them instead of doing my homework assignments. I distinctly remember a time in middle school when I was reading Order of the Phoenix (yeah I know but we didn’t know what we knew now about her) instead of doing work on my National History Day project and my mom like stormed into my room and yelled at me for it.

Like … phones were not the problem here. Screens were not the problem here. My brain chemistry was definitely the issue.

[straycalamities]

back to self-analyzing what the fucks going on in my brainium

[chipper-smol]

8 for the ask game?

8. What's an old project idea that you've lost interest in

;w;

[that1notetaker]

So like nearly a year ago I'd lost these two hand-made hand puppet's I'd made and took to a convention. Thought that was it, I was sad but like, what can you do about it.

GUESS WHO MET THE PERSON WHO FOUND THEM

[always-a-slut-4-ghouls]

Meeting someone else with a shared special interest is wild because you’re either going to spend hours talking or you’re going to get into a fight

[psychesmoon]

godddd there are so many things happening in my life that i know will eventually fix me. i am so excited to live the life i am cultivating for myself and just so happy i get to be here

[hawnks]

not to talk shop on a wednesday morning but I feel like every therapist says they have experience treating adhd but they’re not really…. all that experienced. or at least not experienced with people who are out of highschool…..

[cyatzura]

did you guys know that it takes a lot of time to write at least 50 pages

[mythicalcoolkid]

I think it's really important to know that the length of someone's list of diagnoses is generally based on that person consciously deciding how to present it. Like for me I can generally "summarize" with 2-5 labels. I almost never need to list a huge number because not every symptom set is relevant in every situation! It varies greatly based on:

The context of the conversation (I'm going to give a somewhat different list when discussing mental health and neurodivergence than I would talking about chronic illness and healthcare experiences)

Other people's probable knowledge (when talking to other people with Tourette's, I might specify diagnosis change between chronic motor tic disorder and Tourette's syndrome because it has some meaning, but with laypeople I generally just say I have Tourette's; conversely, someone who doesn't have autism might need to have alexithymia specifically explained, while a fellow autistic person may not)

Depth of conversation (if we're getting into specifics I'll likely list specific diagnoses and issues or may briefly mention symptom sets as they become relevant, but if the topic is only brought up in passing I'll use broad terms)

How comfortable I am with the person (I'll sometimes avoid details, specific diagnoses or symptom sets, or listing "too many" things if I don't know the person well or I'm not comfortable giving out that much information)

How well the person already knows me (I might tell a classmate that my neuro issues are acting up, but be more specific with friends about sensory processing, dissociation, thought stopping, etc. because they already know the broader issues they're part of; conversely, I might tell a person I don't know well that I'm having sensory processing issues, but tell friends just that "it's an ADHD/autism day" because they'll know the greater list of what I'm describing)

Those people with huge lists of things are consciously choosing to list that many, and it's usually because it's relevant to the communication

Putting a "little things included" list in their bio to meet people who are similar to them

Talking about comorbidities

Specific disorders or quantity/type of issues is relevant to their life or healthcare experiences

Making a point that this space is going to focus on their disability experiences

Heading off "so what exactly is wrong?" questions or trying to avoid later accusations of suddenly lying because something wasn't disclosed

Weeding out people who will be unpleasant to be around, judgemental about health issues, or just "won't get it"

The difference between "long list of problems" and "short list of problems" is less about how many problems they have and more about how specific they're choosing to be

[senseiwu]

Just saw a video where someone mentioned reading the curious incident of the dog in the night time, and they thought afterwards they may have autism too. When they brought it up to their mum, she was like "you knew??" cause apparently she'd done that thing people seem to do where they keep an autism diagnosis secret from their kids

It made me remember when my grandma gave me that book to read when we were all at her place for Christmas. She said something like "I think you'll really like it", which confused me cause I was more into fantasy stuff than mystery novels. I mean. I did really like it. But it's one of the things that makes me wonder... did my parents do that thing too...?

[arolesbianism]

In other news Odile crashed my game during her friend quest. Smiles in pain.

[ahalliance]

riz gukgak the type of ‘the end justifies the means’ guy who’s gotten real lucky that so far the best possible means to his ends have happened to mostly align themselves to the side of overall good

[cocklessboy]

The biggest male privilege I have so far encountered is going to the doctor.

I lived as a woman for 35 years. I have a lifetime of chronic health issues including chronic pain, chronic fatigue, respiratory issues, and neurodivergence (autistic + ADHD). There's so much wrong with my body and brain that I have never dared to make a single list of it to show a doctor because I was so sure I would be sent directly to a psychologist specializing in hypochondria (sorry, "anxiety") without getting a single test done.

And I was right. Anytime I ever tried to bring up even one of my health issues, every doctor's initial reaction was, at best, to look at me with doubt. A raised eyebrow. A seemingly casual, offhand question about whether I'd ever been diagnosed with an anxiety disorder. Even female doctors!

We're not talking about super rare symptoms here either. Joint pain. Chronic joint pain since I was about 19 years old. Back pain. Trouble breathing. Allergy-like reactions to things that aren't typically allergens. Headaches. Brain fog. Severe insomnia. Sensitivity to cold and heat.

There's a lot more going on than that, but those were the things I thought I might be able to at least get some acknowledgement of. Some tests, at least. But 90% of the time I was told to go home, rest, take a few days off work, take some benzos (which they'd throw at me without hesitation), just chill out a bit, you'll be fine. Anxiety can cause all kinds of odd symptoms.

Anyone female-presenting reading this is surely nodding along. Yup, that's just how doctors are.

Except...

I started transitioning about 2.5 years ago. At this point I have a beard, male pattern baldness, a deep voice, and a flat chest. All of my doctors know that I'm trans because I still haven't managed to get all the paperwork legally changed, but when they look at me, even if they knew me as female at first, they see a man.

I knew men didn't face the same hurdles when it came to health care, but I had no idea it was this different.

The last time I saw my GP (a man, fairly young, 30s or so), I mentioned chronic pain, and he was concerned to see that it wasn't represented in my file. Previous doctors hadn't even bothered to write it down. He pushed his next appointment back to spend nearly an hour with me going through my entire body while I described every type of chronic pain I had, how long I'd had it, what causes I was aware of. He asked me if I had any theories as to why I had so much pain and looked at me with concerned expectation, hoping I might have a starting point for him. He immediately drew up referrals for pain specialists (a profession I didn't even know existed till that moment) and physical therapy. He said depending on how it goes, he may need to help me get on some degree of disability assistance from the government, since I obviously shouldn't be trying to work full-time under these circumstances.

Never a glimmer of doubt in his eye. Never did he so much as mention the word "anxiety".

There's also my psychiatrist. He diagnosed me with ADHD last year (meeting me as a man from the start, though he knew I was trans). He never doubted my symptoms or medical history. He also took my pain and sleep issues seriously from the start and has been trying to help me find medications to help both those things while I go through the long process of seeing other specialists. I've had bad reactions to almost everything I've tried, because that's what always happens. Sometimes it seems like I'm allergic to the whole world.

And then, just a few days ago, the most shocking thing happened. I'd been wondering for a while if I might have a mast cell condition like MCAS, having read a lot of informative posts by @thebibliosphere which sounded a little too relatable. Another friend suggested it might explain some of my problems, so I decided to mention it to the psychiatrist, fully prepared to laugh it off. Yeah, a friend thinks I might have it, I'm not convinced though.

His response? That's an interesting theory. It would be difficult to test for especially in this country, but that's no reason not to try treatments and see if they are helpful. He adjusted his medication recommendations immediately based on this suggestion. He's researching an elimination diet to diagnose my food sensitivities.

I casually mentioned MCAS, something routinely dismissed by doctors with female patients, and he instantly took the possibility seriously.

That's it. I've reached peak male privilege. There is nothing else that could happen that could be more insane than that.

I literally keep having to hold myself back from apologizing or hedging or trying to frame my theories as someone else's idea lest I be dismissed as a hypochondriac. I told the doctor I'd like to make a big list of every health issue I have, diagnosed and undiagnosed, every theory I've been given or come up with myself, and every medication I've tried and my reactions to it - something I've never done because I knew for a fact no doctor would take me seriously if they saw such a list all at once. He said it was a good idea and could be very helpful.

Female-presenting people are of course not going to be surprised by any of this, but in my experience, male-presenting people often are. When you've never had a doctor scoff at you, laugh at you, literally say "I won't consider that possibility until you've been cleared by a psychologist" for the most mundane of health problems, it might be hard to imagine just how demoralizing it is. How scary it becomes going to the doctor. How you can internalize the idea that you're just imagining things, making a big deal out of nothing.

Now that I'm visibly a man, all of my doctors are suddenly very concerned about the fact that I've been simply living like this for nearly four decades with no help. And I know how many women will have to go their whole lives never getting that help simply because of sexism in the medical field.

If you know a doctor, show them this story. Even if they are female. Even if they consider themselves leftists and feminists and allies. Ask them to really, truly, deep down, consider whether they really treat their male and female patients the same. Suggest that the next time they hear a valid complaint from a male patient, imagine they were a woman and consider whether you'd take it seriously. The next time they hear a frivolous-sounding complaint from a female patient, imagine they were a man and consider whether it would sound more credible.

It's hard to unlearn these biases. But it simply has to be done. I've lived both sides of this issue. And every doctor insists they treat their male and female patients the same. But some of the doctors astonished that I didn't get better care in the past are the same doctors who dismissed me before.

I'm glad I'm getting the care I need, even if it is several decades late. And I'm angry that it took so long. And I'm furious that most female-presenting people will never have this chance.

[dex-starr]

I may do some shitty things, but I am definitely far from being an actually shitty person

[enby-soup-computer]

I got saddled with the "gifted" status in... 1st grade I think? And for me personally, it rarely actually helped (though there were a couple weekend classes that were actually kinda fun in grade school, but honestly, those should've been an option for anyone who wanted to go), but rather set up a level of expectations that would cause me to burn out, hard, multiple times in middle and high school.

Y'all ever heard the "if only you applied yourself" bit? Yeah, me to! Constantly. If I was not getting an A in all subjects, I'd be "we're not mad, but we know you can do better". Then! Years later! When I'm finally making some progress in letting myself do less than perfect without a terrible level of guilt, I get diagnosed with ADHD, and guess what! My Mother Knew And Didn't Tell Me. Like that wouldn't fuck some serious shit up for me.

Anyway, yeah. "gifted".

ohhhhh I get it now. the "gifted kid" discourse exists because people see it fundamentally as a sign of Privilege and not as a largely meaningless category that puffs up weird children before setting them up for the same unremarkable lives as everyone else; thus they interpret people going "the educational system gave me false expectations before ultimately abandoning me to the same heartless world as everyone else" as "why am I, The Main Character, not getting everything I ever wanted."