#why do i feel every emotion at such an extreme

[vexwerewolf]

About the only time you'll ever hear me compliment Overwatch is the Shooting Star animated short.

This is both the thing in the Overwatch canon that inspires the most genuine emotion from me, and the thing in the Overwatch canon from which I feel the most genuine emotion from Blizzard.

This is a story about a young woman who suffers from a terrifying combination of Chronic Hero Syndrome AND extremely serious untreated PTSD. She cannot allow anyone to be in danger other than herself. If anyone gets hurt, it's her fault. If her hometown suffers, it's because she didn't do enough. She went straight from playing video games to fighting wars, and she hates losing so much she would quite literally rather die. The idea of asking anyone else for help only comes to her when she has literally no other options left - and even then, she struggles to get the words out.

I cannot even imagine how it felt to be Dae-hyun in that moment, listening helplessly as your oldest friend ignores every single warning you give them, says "I'll see you at the finish line" and then you see a nuclear explosion light up the sky where your friend used to be. Did you just kill your best friend?

I've seen a lot of people interpret Dae-hyun as having an unrequited crush on D.Va in a cynical "lol friendzoned" kind of way, but I've always said - what if he does? What if he really does? You can hear the pleading in his voice. "Hana. Stay with me, Hana. I'm right here." What if your lover was dying in front of you, and you were the one who in a moment of desperation aided and abetted her recklessness? Could you have stopped her if you'd been firmer, more convincing? WHY WOULDN'T SHE WAIT FOR BACKUP?! WHY DID SHE GO OUT ALONE?! WHY WOULDN'T SHE LISTEN?! They pulled her from the water and she was barely breathing, her heart barely beating, and if she dies here, if she dies now, will it be your fault?

But you see, D.Va's fine.

She's fine.

She's not fine, of course. The media says she made it "without a scratch," which she certainly didn't. People can't doubt the effectiveness of the Mobile Exo-Force of the Korean Army. But are they even really lying? Sure, she's got a broken leg and her arm in a sling, they had to restart her heart at least once during surgery, but she's right back at work the next day - and her diet's completely unchanged, despite what the doctors ordered. Only thing that's changed is she can actually... see Dae-hyun now. He's there. He feels like her eyes don't slide off him anymore.

And that's somehow worse, because she hasn't learned a goddamn thing.

[phightingheadcanons]

Shuriken blast bc I'm finally working on my Shuri-centric fic again after forgetting about it for a month

Ik Soda said Shuriken's vigilante name would be smth edgy, and I don't recall if she specified any particular name, but I like to think his vigilante name is "Malachite" based off his scarf patterning!

Shuriken can sort of.. breathe out this weird smoke/gas, green in colour, which is why he's still associated with green even when not in his vigilante outfit. The gas/smoke is how he creates his illusions/clones! Inspired by that one art piece of redesigned Shuri that Soda did

Shuriken is normally really good at taking jokes, but just can't stand jokes about his family getting hurt, even from them directly. Hearing jokes like that often elicits one of two responses: suddenly being extremely cagey and avoidant, or getting mad. He's not the best at articulating why he reacts like this nor what causes it, so normally he ends up storming off before he gets too mad about it

Shuriken still acts all ninja-like outside of vigilante stuff, because who could ever guess the guy obsessed with being a ninja actually does ninja stuff? He's hiding in plain sight, and it works horribly well

Listens to pop as canon, but also hyperpop and musicals. I think he'd love glass animals too

Shrimp postures frequently bc he has a laptop but barely uses the desk he has for it. Just sorta puts the laptop in his lap then shrimps over it

Cannot sleep in silence. Normally puts on music or videos to sleep. Not that he gets sleep regardless but yknow

Shuriken either has a genius sense of fashion or the most atrocious outfits you've ever seen. It depends on how he's feeling when he actually puts together his outfit for the day

Has a scooter for travel when he can't grapple hook his way around. You could not pay this guy to go on a long walk (you could he needs the money but he'd complain every 2 seconds about leg pain)

Can't be trusted to do the dishes because he always slacks due to Despising the textures of it. Always forgets laundry also. He's typically sent on grocery shopping duty bc of this. Professional haggler

Messy but understandable handwriting. Unless he's writing quickly. Then not even he can understand it half the time

Normally talkative, but kinda.. goes really quiet when he's unsure of a situation or around those he doesn't know. If he's with at least 1 person he's comfortable being around it's a certified holy yap

Generally not considered as creative as Vine because he never actually shows the stuff he makes. He put his entire vigilante outfit together though, and occasionally writes short stories. Most of the time he writes to vent out bad emotions, but the amt he writes has dwindled a lot. He just doesn't have the time anymore

Generally likes physical contact and is often pretty touchy with his friends and family. Constantly slinging his arms over their shoulders, falling onto them, clinging to them ect. If he doesn't trust you however he's pulling cat physics to get away from physical contact

Okay thats all I'm just thinking a lot abt him

~ redshift anon

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[aquilaofarkham]

Do u have any ideas for wat could happen with mizrak now that he's a vampire?

oh man i'll try to at least give some cohesive answers as best i can bc i'm very sick atm and my brain does not want to cooperate (also i realize something new about mizrak and olrox almost every day lol) but here's SOME possibilities:

obviously becoming a vampire doesn't make you inherently evil, it just seems to amplify certain emotions and desires to the enth degree. there's still some darkness there as we saw with tera, but she still loved maria immensely and wanted what was best for her which is why she made the decision to leave her for the time being. same thing with drolta like she was entirely devoted to sekhmet then once she became a vampire, that need to bring her back got taken to new extremes. i think one thing that will happen to mizrak as a vampire (something that already got hinted at during *the scene*) is him finally acting on his formerly repressed desires since he doesn't need to feel guilt or shame over them

one of his main hang-ups over olrox and vampires as a whole was how he believed they didn't have souls. however over the course of season 2 that belief starts to dissipate (first in horror over drolta's return as a night creature since night creatures require souls, then in a very subtle but still sweet revelation that olrox does actually have a soul). so mizrak becoming a vampire while still experiencing those same feelings of love, compassion, and maybe even some lingering guilt might serve as his final wake up call

of course he and olrox are not gonna be ok at first. olrox clearly didn't plan on turning mizrak and i think part of him knew that mizrak would probably resent him for it despite having saved him from hell (and to an extent old man coyote). they might even fight a lot especially over olrox supposedly being selfish for turning him (which i don't think he was entirely but again there's a lot more complexities and nuance to that decision). then olrox might fire back at mizrak for him still holding some hypocrisies. but with a combination of time, patience, and olrox being a genuinely caring maker (plus a lot of sex with biting and blood drinking who said that i didn't say that) i think mizrak might come to realize that they can have a life together and he doesn't have to sacrifice his morals or what he believes in. we can assume that olrox's previous lover didn't so he probably won't either

i don't think mizrak will give up on his faith entirely BUT i think he'll probably question or examine it more closely than before. also the concept of a vampire who still believes and prays to god is the sickest thing ever

i'm sure i'm forgetting a lot more personal theories but i'm gonna go lie down now _(´ཀ`」∠) _ thanks for asking!!

[plethorawrites]

malady do you think there are some weird ailen biological things that clark has maybe even jon has them since yk his half ailen

Yesss!!! Plenty. I don't know in what capacity you're referring to, but I have thoughts in general.

---___---___---___---___---___---___---___---___---_

A. No cavities. I mean, if their bones are basically unbreakable, there's no way they'd get any tooth damage.

B. Sleep hovering. Pretty sure this is canon, but they absolutely dream of flying and suddenly start to do it. Often. And even as a baby, Jon would float out of his crib.

C. Weirdly good intuition. Not exactly like Spidey senses, but similar. They just have feelings that are right 9/10 times.

D. Empathy. To the extent that if someone is hiding an emotion, even extremely well, they just know. Immediately. It's not even reading their lies with a heart beat, it's just their ability to read general body language.

E. Randomly quotes something from Kryptonian history. Lois or some other justice league members understand or at least know he's referring to something from home, but if he does it in front of a civilian by accident he has to make up some excuse about it being from a book or movie.

F. Soothed by the sound of an incredibly specific pitch that's only obtained by a machine star labs built. They hear every sound on earth all day every day, and for the most part can handle it, but sometimes just need it to disappear. The pitch makes it disappear almost entirely and Jon, only being half Kryptonian and therefore needing sleep unlike his dad who just does it out of habit, puts it on like white noise to go to bed.

G. Jon LOVED playing in dirt as a kid. Like utterly adored it to the point he'd get multiple baths a day and Lois could never figure out why until Clark realized it was because he could feel the vibrations of the ground and the earth as it shifted. He could feel everything within the soil too, for that matter.

H. Loves hugs for that reason. Can feel the barest hint of goosebumps, the heartbeat of the person they're hugging, and it feels so warm when Clark wraps his arms around his wife or Jon hugs his parents. It's just relaxing.

I. Music from Krypton. Not even something that was learned. It was just embedded in their minds from birth. A very specific melody that helps them think and it's frequently heard when Clark is writing an article or Jon is doing homework.

J. Bland food. Such bland food. They have the most sensitive taste buds so a normal amount of salt is way too much, even the slightest dash can be overwhelming so when they cook dinner they have to use the barest bit possible. Yet, they still taste as much flavor as most people would if they dumped half a bottle of seasoning into a meal.

[ask-codeearasure]

I want to start this with a disclaimer. I am going to refer to the things the yandere trope does or portrays as ableist and demonizing, because it is.

I will get angry while explaining my piece and why I think the way I do with this trope. It has caused me a lot of pain and trauma in the past, as well as interfered with how I see myself following my own diagnoses and other medically recognized conditions. What I ask is you do not assume this is an attack on anyone in particular, as my intention with this rant is to inform and hopefully get to a functional solution.

The yandere trope was created in Japanese anime, and one of the words that went into the name, "yanderu", means "to be sick". The other word, "deredere" means "lovestruck". The sickness part of the word is specific to mental sickness, not physical sickness whatsoever, thus stressing yandere's tie to mental illness directly. The typical yandere character is presented to be sweet and caring at first, but the more time is spent with them, you uncover a disordered, obsessive, and delusional mask, bonus points with added mood swings and a distorted, idolized view of their love interest. Yanderes are also violent towards other characters who adore their love interest, doesn't matter the actual relation. Love interests to yandere characters are possessed over like an idolized, perfect fucking object, and friends, family, and other love interests alike are lashed out at if not assaulted and murdered as well out of that obsessiveness. Some love interests to yandere characters have been murdered and/or violated by said yandere after their advances were rejected too, which only makes this trope look better and better doesn't it? :)

None of the mental or behavioral patterns yanderes suffer from sound like symptoms of a real mental illness until you look at the relationships some mentally ill people have with others, more specifically, ones who suffer from OCD, bipolar disorders, and most of all, untreated Personality Disorders, predominantly those of the Cluster B variety.

Cluster B PDs are Borderline, Histrionic, Antisocial, and Narcissistic personality disorders and they're all grouped under Cluster B not just because their symptoms overlap a lot and multiple can coexist in the same person, but also because of how extreme their symptoms can get to the point they can hurt others, including the person who has them. These conditions are emotionally and mentally stressful, and they will warp and strain how Cluster B people see, interact, and think of others. However, the one PD that the yandere trope tends to put on the spot the most is Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), the personality disorder most known for a complete lack of emotional regulation, black-white splitting, intense anger issues, and unhealthy dependence/obsession with others (called "Favorite Person(s)" or FPs) to make up for the lack of emotional and mental stability. These symptoms and attachment styles do exist in other PDs and in mental illnesses outside of them, but it is BPD that is most recognized, and therefore fetishized and demonized, for it. People with PDs tend to struggle a lot with assuming the worst in their relationships and seemingly over nothing, and one of the biggest feelings we don't handle well is jealousy, which is an emotion yanderes lash out the most over and take to every extreme many of us wouldn't despite the temptation.

Through the lens of the yandere trope, it portrays personality disorders under the notion that if someone does as much as look at a yandere's "special person" the wrong way, that yandere will do just about anything to either inconvenience or merk them off the census. It spreads the notion that people with personality disorders are inherently dangerous because of our attachment styles and because of symptoms given to us through years of abuse.

However, I am well aware the yandere trope has never specified an association with any single mental illness or category of mental illness. The truth is its horrifying similarities to actual mental illnesses is that of pure coincidence. The only reason I still believe it as legitimately ableist even with this context in mind is because yandere is named after mental sickness. Its entire purpose is to show an exaggerated, excessive, and dangerous portrayal of people in a clear state of psychological distress, but not only do almost all of them never get fucking help for this, but they are also written to be some of the worst examples for people we'd want incarcerated or dead in real life.

It is so common for yanderes to be portrayed as possessive abusers, perverts, swinging axe or knife murderers, incestuous, and/or rapists. Think of Yuno Gasai or Mikasa Ackerman as varied examples of yanderes. Obviously there are going to be traits that make them look better or worse in comparison to each other, but when you look at the grand scheme of the trope itself, it's meant to get extreme in every worst way possible, so long as it fits the narrative the author or director wants.

Yuno Gasai murdered several people over and over for the boy she wanted so desperately to fuck while Mikasa Ackerman was so attached and attracted to her adopted brother (yes, Eren Yaeger's parents adopted her, so she is his sister) it was one of the most disturbing moves made to have her kiss him on the mouth as she killed him at the end of Attack on Titan.

I would not have a problem with the yandere trope if it had no ties to mental illness at all, if it was defined by what the trope does and NOT what population of people it is supposed to represent. I would rather it have a different name, if just one change was made.

-- Sarco

I have no fandom thoughts lately, I'm dry. BUT I can complain and I will. I DON'T LIKE "Yanberry" for the simple fact that I really dislike the yandere trope in general.

I don't like the trope used on any character in general tho, it just happens that Blueberry seems to be the fandom's preference.

[reuptakeinhibitor]

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[vaguely-concerned]

shathann fucked up in so many ways with raising taash but she also makes me. so so SO sad. welcome back deeply flawed dragon age mother figures in various shades of 'well. I mean you tried. I guess' (from 'not at all' to 'I can see what you thought you were going for at least' as appropriate) we tango once more

[artheresy]

Thinking more about Ruan Mei and I am trying to grapple with the fact that on some level in a way I can’t describe, I feel super strongly connected to her and in a way either understand or even relate to her

But like, I can’t fully explain it properly

Something about even with her strong knowledge, she is still struggles to properly feel and properly express and understand certain emotions and it’s one among the many factors of why she ends up being almost like a hermit (which OOF I had joked to myself she’s just like me fr when they called her a hermit but after the quest its hitting a bit too hard)

Even in her mannerisms, I can’t help but relate and it’s also part of why I think I ended up liking her a lot. I’ve seen a lot of people consider her deeply like evil or something or like she’s very hateful and malicious when she truly never came across that way to me and I just.. can’t see that. I can see the mad scientist in her, there’s no denying that. But she comes across as extremely morally ambiguous and perhaps a bit obsessive regarding her research rather than actively cruel or mean and I firmly believe she’s intended to come across that way looking at her dialogue and the way she behaves. I just can’t see her as evil or anything, probably because there are parts of her behaviors I know well

And again a huge part of my love for her comes from how her story and character is tied to the Aeons, and I fucking adore Aeon lore, I am praying for more like PLEASSEE

Even this didn’t get out all my feelings or fully explain what I think about her but y’know maybe later I’ll find the words I need

[subjectseventeen]

i hope kala doesn't mind me jumping in an replying here to your reply but i think there are some things here that are just inaccurate. i will try to keep emotions out of it, but this is something i and other delusional nonhumans find particularly upsetting to be told that we do not deserve community because our identities spawn from our delusions.

"if you only live disconnected from objective reality, anyone can take advantage of it." This is true, but what also is true is that not all of us can be connected to objective reality at all times. while you have mentioned that you have experienced delusional episodes, there is a drastic difference between experiencing delusions in episodes to experiencing psychosis at all times. most of us who's identities are delusion influenced live in psychosis 24/7. i personally am schizophrenic, and there is never a day that i go without psychosis and that is while on antipsychotics. so to say that we are never allowed to experience nonhumanity in the same way you do because of our delusions pretty much bars us from being in the community all together. while it is true that people who experience psychosis may be easy targets to manipulate, but reasonably, this could happen to a neurotypical nonhuman as well. to site this reason as why we shouldn't have community is quite short-sighted to me. in any situation, i have the risk of someone using my mental illness as a way to manipulate me even outside of nonhuman communities, but just because there's a possibility i could be manipulated doesn't mean i can't enjoy things others are seemingly allowed to. teens are easy to manipulate too because of their lack of real world experiences, but we allow younger nonhumans into our community because barring them would be unjust. abusive individuals will find their targets no matter what and trying to preemptively protect us from this is very infantilizing and it sounds like you don't think delusional nonhumans can make choices of their own without help of some sane individuals.

you mentioned as well that you believe these communities reject treatment and therapy and that is just boldly untrue. most of my friends that are nonhuman are delusional and i think every single one of them is either seeking treatment, actively on antipsychotics, and/or going through therapy. even if that Weren't the case, individuals who do not subject themselves to psychiatry are still worthy to care about. why do we have to go through therapy and medication? just so that we're "normal"? i'm not going to assume what you've been through, but if you live in psychosis 24/7 it becomes extremely draining to have to question your reality at all times. i've been psychotic since i was a kid and learning to live with my psychosis and accepting myself as a nonhuman has been the most healing thing that has helped, and i didn't get here with medication and therapy. therapists and psychiatrists have abandoned me, put me through terrible situations, ignored my needs, talked over me, and taken away my autonomy and that's just the short of it. and i'm not alone in these experiences. i guarantee you that every delusional nonhuman has a similar story to tell. sometimes drugs and therapy don't help. giving individuals the ability to Decide for Themselves about how and when they get treatment will do more good than thinking you know what's best for them because you Know reality better than us.

kala said this but i feel like you skipped over it. to a normal human ALL of us look like delusional people for being the creatures that we are, whether you are a spiritual therian or an endel. why do you have to separate yourselves from us? we are your kin too. we deserve to have a voice in this community and i will not stand for others thinking they know what's best for us. if you Must distance yourselves from us, at least let us have our own community. stop coming into the endel and physical nonhuman tags just to spit at our feet. it's just disrespectful.

i have many thoughts on physical nonhumans, holotheres, mythicals, shifters, clinical lycanthropes, delusional alterhumans, endels, etc. most of them are concern. these communities can try as much as theyd like to victim blame and say that people who feel they were taken advantage of because their delusions are to blame for their own abuse. unfortunately, handwaving their own survivorship bias wont save them. months from now theyll learn the hard way how easily someone can be taken advantage of when they flock to whoever knows what to say to validate their feelings. i wish it was different, and i wish anything i could say to them would get through and save them from that future

if you only surround yourself with people who validate your delusions, youll attract people who have something to gain from your detachment from reality. it doesn't matter how good it feels. it will happen to you in the end

[aroaessidhe]

2023 reads

The Deep Sky

scifi mystery thriller

on a deep space mission traveling from an environmentally devastated earth with hope to restart humanity elsewhere

when they’re halfway, an explosion kills 3 crew and pushes them off course

the only witness is the Alternate who has no specific role, and she has to figure out who caused it & if they might continue to sabotage, while they're figuring out a way to get back on course with limited resources

flips between present and the past: of her childhood and training for the mission, her identity struggles, and relationship with her mother

questions the ethics of ‘restarting’ humanity elsewhere vs putting resources into fixing earth

[brown-little-robin]

あ

[girlivealwaysbean]

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[theoreticalli]

I put 30 tags on that dear evan hansen post. for the love of god don't click to expand the tags I'm so fucking sorry I just hate that awful fucking show so fucking much. oh fuck I've done it again in the tags here oh god

[mainfaggot]

how do you cut someone off

[kkotherwise]

It’s been three months today

[anti-transphobia]

I really REALLY wish people would start saying "have some sympathy/compassion" instead of "have some empathy". Feelings do often impact actions but....they don't have to. And a lot of problems arise when actions are taken solely based on emotions. The type of empathy I'm best at is cognitive empathy - recognizing and understanding how someone might be feeling - and that's a skill that's shaky at best. Emotional empathy I nearly completely lack. I can count the amount of times someone had made me feel their emotions on one hand (I think about three times in my entire life).

But then there's compassion. Compassion you can do regardless of empathy level. Compassion you can do regardless of how something makes you feel. People can have extreme levels of empathy and choose not to try to help someone that they could. Likewise, people can have zero empathy and choose to help someone. Emotions can influence actions but it's not the only thing that matters

I am technically not no empathy, but I'm so low and so bad at empathy and trying to apply it that I'm virtually no empathy. Moments of true empathy are mostly flukes for me. But I'm a very compassionate person! An example is when someone vents or is sad in a discord server that's really not about that/doesn't have a vent channel for a reason. Do you know how that makes me FEEL? Irritated. Irked. If it's a small line or two, fine, it slips out, especially when your reality sucks. Entire unprompted rants? Trauma dumping in the middle of other people's normal conversations? That pisses me off. But you know what I'll often do? I'll say a few words. Generally my policy is that I'm not going to devote a ton of my own energy at my own detriment for a stranger (had an issue with that online as a teen), but if it doesn't hurt me physically or emotionally to give a few kind words to someone hurting, then I see no reason not to do it. It doesn't take much time from me and it makes someone clearly struggling feel a little bit better. There's zero empathy or any kind of "I feel so bad for you" emotions there, and yet, because I generally believe in trying to make things better if you can, I comfort them. I acknowledge that someone is hurting and play my part to remedy the situation

This is why people need to decouple actions from emotions. You don't have to feel ANYTHING to do the right thing. Something isn't "less good" because their heart wasn't in it. If someone drops their wallet and you return it to them solely out of social obligation, guess what? A wallet has still been returned. Someone's money, debit/credit cards, and entire identity, was not lost. Someone was just saved a ton of grief by a simple act carried out by a person who doesn't give a fuck. The results of your actions is, for most every day circumstances, more important than how you actually feel doing them