#why do i feel every emotion at such an extreme

[wisteria-lodge]

About the gender in hp thing: I know JKR wrote the books wanting the patriarchy to have minimal impact on the world but even through a couple of the metas you wrote you can see that that’s not the case. In your character crying post there’s a clear implication that showing that kind of emotion is a weakness but also that it is not masculine. Equating strength with masculinity is foundational for cultures with strong patriarchies, and this idea infests every other aspect of their lives. Idk because of that and many other reasons I have a very hard time of writing the wizarding world as anything other than a patriarchy

This is a watsonian analysis vs doylist analysis issue.

I 100% do think that JKR went out of her way to really, really downplay the importance of gender in her worldbuilding - and this contributes a lot to the specific feel of the world. You could genderflip, idk. Neville. Snape. Draco. Hermione. McGonagall. and almost no plot elements or character dynamics would change. (Maybe James would bully Severus slightly differently? Idk. He honestly might not.)

Compare HP to something like His Dark Materials, another British fantasy series released at the same time, marketed to the same demographic... in which gender politics are REALLY important. Lyra conforming or not conforming to specific gender norms hugely impacts the way a lot of other characters treat her. So much of Mrs. Coulter's character has to do with how she's navigated the back ways and side avenues into power, because the patriarchy that runs *that* world is extremely explicit and plot relevant, and there's a lot she just can't do.

Now is JKR *good* at writing a gender-blind world? Not really no. So she's stripped out the importance of gender in a fairly surface way, while leaving evidence of the foundations intact. Everyone's a het couple, women take the husband's last name, Molly and Petunia are at home while their husbands work and there's no inverse of that situation, Fleur's father walks her down the aisle at her wedding, it's important that Hermione be able to tame her hair when she wants to, but for Harry it doesn't matter...

There is ALSO the narrative voice poking through and putting its own spin on everything. This is where we start getting judgment (for example) directed both at girls who are too feminine, and at girls who aren't feminine enough. Or sexual assault not really "sticking" if it's directed at boys. We don't have a character talking, in-universe, about how it's wrong for a woman not to want children. We just have a book where the only women who don't have kids (or take care of kids) are villains. Same thing with masculinity = strength = no crying. That's something the narrative framing / bias of the author brings to the table, but it's kept out of the mechanics of the magical world. I guess you could say Harry and Draco equate crying/fainting with weakness (but not explicitly anti-masculinity)... but then Lupin goes out of his way to separate 'fainting' from 'weakness' anyway.

Interestingly, gender is much more baked into the muggle worldbuilding. (Part of why I think leaving that aspect out of the wizarding world was a deliberate choice.) Smeltings is an all-boys school, so is St Brutus.' Dudley teases Harry about his "boyfriend" Cedric, Vernon sizes up Arthur and Mad-Eye by how masculine they are. At the beginning of Book 4, Dudley's diet is this very gendered conflict between Vernon and Petunia, where Vernon doesn't want a "little nancy boy for a son" - and that is one of the only truly gendered insults in the whole series. "Crybaby" almost counts... but the Slytherins tease Hermione for crying too, so idk. They tend to go for pretty gender-neutral insults, like "poor" "unimportant parents" "looks like a chipmunk" ... etc.

Like... I'm trying to imagine a scene were Lucius lays into Draco for not being masculine enough, and I can't. I think that in a canon-compliant fic, a scene like that would feel odd. The conflict would need to be framed more like a "you disgrace the name of Malfoy with your weakness" or "never tell anyone outside the family what you're thinking" or "your believe yourself to be more intelligent than you truly are." Not "you need to man up."

[lightningqueen11]

Thoughts about Akechi because he's infected my brain

We really never see the "real akechi" in Persona 5 or even in Royal, I think. That's not to say there aren't honest moments and real emotions, but every moment we have with Akechi is him trying to get us to serve some greater goal of his. In vanilla that goal is obvious: he wants to get close to you to further his vengeance on Masayoshi Shido. In the third semester that goal is less obvious but I'd say he wants you to think he's an irredeemable monster and that you shouldn't care about him so you reject Maruki's deal. Third semester is slightly more honest with Akechi- his convictions and feelings are all real, but he portrays them in whatever way will get you to do what he wants while keeping you at an arm's distance.

I think the only moment in the whole game where Akechi isn't putting up some sort of mask is after you beat him in the engine room. Before he's kinda having a big feelings moment so while it's honest, it's an extreme. After? He has no more reason to act, he just has his one request: destroy Masayoshi Shido in his stead. And you do, for the last request of the boy you never really got to know.

So who is the real Akechi? I don't think Akechi knows himself, I think he's lived so many years with a mask as Shido's Assassin or the Detective Prince or a pleasant boy that he doesn't know which is real. I don't think we'll ever see the real Akechi, not in anything mainline, both because they better not be making another Persona 5 and because there is no 'real' Akechi without the masks, without the deception. His character is like Joker's, he's constantly tailoring himself to be what he needs to be because that's the only way a bastard child like himself can survive. It's why I like wildcard Akechi fics so much, because he's just as malleable as Joker. They're rivals, after all.

[iamnmbr3]

why do you think harry got obsessed of draco so much and so fast in the sixth book?

until now it's always been up to draco to start the interaction, and the rare times harry acted first was to protect against/stop malfoy (es. third book, malfoy and co wanted to beat up ron at hogsmade, when he was "alone") so always as an answer to something draco did first.

the only exception i can think of is when the golden trio thought he was the slytherin's heir, but even then he stopped being suspicious after he was told by draco that he wasn't responsable of the attacks to the muggleborns (and he belived immediatley).

but in the HbP harry stalks draco without ANY reason, and ok- he just exchanged insults with him and narcissa, but they were just buying robes, they weren't that shady;

so what does it matter he slipped away from his mom? and looked behind is shoulders once or twice?

every other time draco was plotting something harry just got a bad feeling and waited to see how it played out.

and i don't buy the "he was still grieving for sirius and threw himself into a new project", because there are all the signs that he grew up a bit since the first murder he witnessed aka cedric;

like he doesn't want to talk about it still, but at least he doesn't want to forget it, and he recived emotional support of the weasleys and ron and hermione much sooner, and without the anxiety of being expelled and being cut out from the magical world.

like canonically draco was shitty to him (like always), was being a bit shady (like always), and harry really said "ah yes, i'm finally gonna lose my shit to follow that guy i hate day and night" like what

Puberty happened.

I think a couple of things were going on.

First of all, Harry has always paid extremely close attention to Draco. I mean, he literally dreams about him his first night in Hogwarts. This isn't new. Draco has lived rent free in Harry's head from day 1. That's why we, the readers, know so much about him despite almost the entire story being told from Harry's limited 3rd-person pov.

Harry and Draco know and understand each other extremely well. It's why Harry is able to immediately notice very subtle changes in Draco's behavior and affect and intuit what's going on with him. He doesn't just think Draco is a Death Eater. He KNOWS. Just like Draco knows that Harry is watching him from under the cloak just because he heard him take a loud breath and saw a flash of his shoe and also knows that if he turns his back on Harry while they're alone, Harry won't attack. Or just like later Harry can tell just with a quick glance that Draco's mission from Voldemort isn't going well.

Thus, we can see that 1) Harry's fascination with Draco isn't new and 2) because he knows Draco so well he almost immediately figures out Draco is up to something dangerous and therefore wants to stop him.

Also, suddenly for the first time Harry is not Draco's priority. Draco's not trying to get his attention or interact with him anymore. And perhaps on some deep, unacknowledged level that doesn't feel right to Harry.

Then on top of that we've got the effects of Sirius's death to factor in. And the fact that as they get older, Harry's fascination with Draco is only going to get stronger and we've got a perfect storm of unacknowledged drarry feels mixing with a long standing rivalry that has now become higher stakes than ever as they both take up their roles on opposite sides of the war mixing with a need to cope with Sirius's death and prevent any more people he cares about from dying plus a good dose of stubborness because no one will listen and presto Draco obcession.

[reuptakeinhibitor]

.

[vaguely-concerned]

shathann fucked up in so many ways with raising taash but she also makes me. so so SO sad. welcome back deeply flawed dragon age mother figures in various shades of 'well. I mean you tried. I guess' (from 'not at all' to 'I can see what you thought you were going for at least' as appropriate) we tango once more

[artheresy]

Thinking more about Ruan Mei and I am trying to grapple with the fact that on some level in a way I can’t describe, I feel super strongly connected to her and in a way either understand or even relate to her

But like, I can’t fully explain it properly

Something about even with her strong knowledge, she is still struggles to properly feel and properly express and understand certain emotions and it’s one among the many factors of why she ends up being almost like a hermit (which OOF I had joked to myself she’s just like me fr when they called her a hermit but after the quest its hitting a bit too hard)

Even in her mannerisms, I can’t help but relate and it’s also part of why I think I ended up liking her a lot. I’ve seen a lot of people consider her deeply like evil or something or like she’s very hateful and malicious when she truly never came across that way to me and I just.. can’t see that. I can see the mad scientist in her, there’s no denying that. But she comes across as extremely morally ambiguous and perhaps a bit obsessive regarding her research rather than actively cruel or mean and I firmly believe she’s intended to come across that way looking at her dialogue and the way she behaves. I just can’t see her as evil or anything, probably because there are parts of her behaviors I know well

And again a huge part of my love for her comes from how her story and character is tied to the Aeons, and I fucking adore Aeon lore, I am praying for more like PLEASSEE

Even this didn’t get out all my feelings or fully explain what I think about her but y’know maybe later I’ll find the words I need

[aroaessidhe]

2023 reads

The Deep Sky

scifi mystery thriller

on a deep space mission traveling from an environmentally devastated earth with hope to restart humanity elsewhere

when they’re halfway, an explosion kills 3 crew and pushes them off course

the only witness is the Alternate who has no specific role, and she has to figure out who caused it & if they might continue to sabotage, while they're figuring out a way to get back on course with limited resources

flips between present and the past: of her childhood and training for the mission, her identity struggles, and relationship with her mother

questions the ethics of ‘restarting’ humanity elsewhere vs putting resources into fixing earth

[brown-little-robin]

あ

[theoreticalli]

I put 30 tags on that dear evan hansen post. for the love of god don't click to expand the tags I'm so fucking sorry I just hate that awful fucking show so fucking much. oh fuck I've done it again in the tags here oh god

[mainfaggot]

how do you cut someone off

[kkotherwise]

It’s been three months today

[anti-transphobia]

I really REALLY wish people would start saying "have some sympathy/compassion" instead of "have some empathy". Feelings do often impact actions but....they don't have to. And a lot of problems arise when actions are taken solely based on emotions. The type of empathy I'm best at is cognitive empathy - recognizing and understanding how someone might be feeling - and that's a skill that's shaky at best. Emotional empathy I nearly completely lack. I can count the amount of times someone had made me feel their emotions on one hand (I think about three times in my entire life).

But then there's compassion. Compassion you can do regardless of empathy level. Compassion you can do regardless of how something makes you feel. People can have extreme levels of empathy and choose not to try to help someone that they could. Likewise, people can have zero empathy and choose to help someone. Emotions can influence actions but it's not the only thing that matters

I am technically not no empathy, but I'm so low and so bad at empathy and trying to apply it that I'm virtually no empathy. Moments of true empathy are mostly flukes for me. But I'm a very compassionate person! An example is when someone vents or is sad in a discord server that's really not about that/doesn't have a vent channel for a reason. Do you know how that makes me FEEL? Irritated. Irked. If it's a small line or two, fine, it slips out, especially when your reality sucks. Entire unprompted rants? Trauma dumping in the middle of other people's normal conversations? That pisses me off. But you know what I'll often do? I'll say a few words. Generally my policy is that I'm not going to devote a ton of my own energy at my own detriment for a stranger (had an issue with that online as a teen), but if it doesn't hurt me physically or emotionally to give a few kind words to someone hurting, then I see no reason not to do it. It doesn't take much time from me and it makes someone clearly struggling feel a little bit better. There's zero empathy or any kind of "I feel so bad for you" emotions there, and yet, because I generally believe in trying to make things better if you can, I comfort them. I acknowledge that someone is hurting and play my part to remedy the situation

This is why people need to decouple actions from emotions. You don't have to feel ANYTHING to do the right thing. Something isn't "less good" because their heart wasn't in it. If someone drops their wallet and you return it to them solely out of social obligation, guess what? A wallet has still been returned. Someone's money, debit/credit cards, and entire identity, was not lost. Someone was just saved a ton of grief by a simple act carried out by a person who doesn't give a fuck. The results of your actions is, for most every day circumstances, more important than how you actually feel doing them

[golvio]

Also helpful is reverse-engineering Nonviolent Communication to make reasons for conflict. Emotion-related arguments often start when somebody confuses their emotion-adjective (I’m angry at this person, I’m lonely, etc.) with an emotion-verb (I was betrayed by this person, everyone’s abandoned me, etc.), which externalizes the emotion and causes the person feeling it to look for someone to blame for it. They frame their emotion as an accusation about what the other person is doing to them, which puts the other person on the defensive, which can then escalate into a full-blown fight over something that, to an outside observer, isn’t really worth imploding a relationship over.

The reason why you should learn about communication techniques as a writer is so that you can build a better understanding of how communication can break down. That makes for complex and flawed characters, as well as more realistic conflicts that aren’t just “X character is mean to Y character because they’re an evil mean doo-doo head who’s an ontologically Bad Person who must toil in the Redemption Mines for 27 years to atone for their sins before the readers should even consider forgiving them, lest they also become Bad People for letting a Wicked Sinner off too easily.”

Also, I’ve got a whole other rant about “empathy” being equated to intrinsic moral goodness related to this. People who insist everything should feel like a therapy manual with no mess are often spectacularly prejudiced against low-empathy people (Cluster B personality disorders & other people who, for whatever reason, struggle with affective empathy even if they grasp cognitive empathy), as well as refusing to understand that empathy is a skill, and skills can be learned over time or suffer in performance when their owner is under extreme stress or even just too tired to put in the effort. Someone not being able to read emotions or read the room doesn’t make them evil, or totally incapable of acts of kindness or understanding (even if that understanding looks different from how someone with high affective empathy might express it).

Likewise, sometimes conflicts arise because the “Normal™️ person with Empathy©️” refuses to extend any understanding to the other person. Even 💖Empaths~💖 can struggle with understanding internal experiences that are completely alien to their own internal experience, as neurotypical people are wont to do. These misunderstandings don’t necessarily make either party Evil Bad People, but illustrate the Double-Empathy problem that’s common in neurotypical-to-neurodivergent communication. Sometimes a character who prides themselves on their “empathy” can be astonishingly unempathetic to someone who isn’t just like them/the people they’re already familiar with, and they’re the ones who need to go on a little emotional journey to learn compassion and genuine respect towards others.

That post that's like "stop writing characters who talk like they're trying to get a good grade in therapy" really blew the door wide open for me about how common it's become for a character's emotional intelligence to not be taken into consideration when writing conflict. I remember the first time I went to therapy I had such a hard time even identifying what I was feeling, let alone had the language to explain it to someone else. Of course there are plenty of people who've never been to therapy a day in their life who are in tune to their emotions. But even they would have some trouble expressing themselves sometimes. You have to take into account there are plenty of people who are uncomfortable expressing themselves and people who think they're not allowed to feel certain ways. It also makes for more interesting conflict to have characters with different levels of understanding.

[yellow-heart-anon]

"slight" vent in tags :)

(doing this here bc certain people dont know this acc.)

[musical-chick-13]

You know...normally the "guy is sad and murders people over it because how dare other people be happy" archetype is very annoying, but I think they made it work this time.

[dimeadozencows]

There are a lot of great tags on this post, and a lot of different and unique takes on gaster which i always love to read :DD but i dont think i managed to evoke what i wanted to with this drawing

We know that gasters aware hes in a video game, but so many characters in undertale are aware of that already. One of the things that make gasters situation different is his ability to look at our world directly. He's aware that we've been looking for him and trying to understand what and who he is, he knows these last few years were dogshit for everyone on earth and mentions it in his pre chapter 2 tweets, he knows our life outside of our tempering with these worlds

And unlike other self aware characters in undertale, he doesn't experience time and the resets. He "lives" outside of what we can control. He truly remembers all that we've done while being unaffected by any of it. So while other self aware characters (im mainly thinking of sans and flowey) know that theres a person behind frisk whos controlling time, they're affected by our choices and (for the most part) can't judge it from an outside perspective

Sans is mostly unaffected by our inputs, and he does manage to judge us in a very impactful way, but he can't be a completely uninvolved judge. He will (understandably) react to us killing his brother and on certain neutral endings, as much as hes trying to hold his unfazed facade together, he's struggling with the thought of how much of his happiness you took away, even if he knows a reset will likely happen and everything will go back to the way it was. Understandably! This game is his world. Even if he knows its just a game that gets reset its still his home and the people he loves are its residents. He can't be unfazed by everything. he is nice to us when we're nice to him, and he hates our guts when we give him reason to. And he will always forget us after a reset and react to our actions only on the current run, not being able to know who we were to him before.

And flowey acts as the embodiment of this games message, he is our mirror and, in his words, he is who we will become if we exhaust this game of all it has. He exists to judge us, but he can do so only from his own point of view. He's judging our actions, our choices in this world as if we we're stuck inside it the way he is, which we aren't. That's not to say his judgement isn't impactful, that would just be. incorrect to say lol. But he can't interpret what he sees us do in a fully unbiased way because he's in a very similar, but not identical, situation to us. While we can enter his world and play the kind way, we do get bored and try new things, like picking the other, more rude dialogue option, or killing a character to see what a person who loves them says. even if we don't fully want to. Just like he said! But while we both went through the same process, there's a difference between us. We can leave. We don't have to grow apathetic and detached from these characters. We don't have to start seeing them less as people and more as repetitive lines of dialogue. If we're bored, we can leave. Play a new game. Come back when we miss them and see those familiar lines of dialogue and feel nostalgia, not dread. And he knows that we're a person that has a life outside of this game. At the end of pacifist he desperately tries to make us stay. But he doesn't see what our life is like, he cant see what we do with our days outside of his world, so he can only see us leave and return and leave and return, and judge us through his (flawed) world view and based on our actions within a world we enter for fun.

Thats not to say they're not written well? They're the fucking coolest flowey and sans rule.(i think the info dump proves my stance on them) I'm just saying that even if they know about us they cant fully judge the situation from a neutral point of view because they have a limited world view and they're affected by our choices, which gaster (as of now) isn't

And we don't know a lot about him. But we do know that he knows hes in a video game, that he knows we control his world and its linear time, that he lives outside of that linear time and is unaffected by our inputs, that he used to experience time linearly before shattering, that he had people he cared about in undertale, that he saw everything all of us did when playing undertale, that he is kind to us in the current deltarune chapters, that he knows of our lives and what we go through, and most importantly in my opinion, he knows that we (fans of utdr) use fiction as escapism

We've had characters judge us and berate us for our misdeeds, who are fully justified in doing so since we did hurt them directly. But they also cannot see the situation from an outside perspective. No character in undertale sees us separated from their world, as a person who lives a life outside of tempering with undertale, to them we are just a god who takes control of their reality, all they see is a cruel person who entered a world just to destroy it, or give everyone freedom and then just take it away in a second, they don't see how small their world is in comparison to ours, they'll never be able to understand that our actions in their world are (for the most part) inconsequential to us. they cant see us beyond the red soul.

so imagine with me for a second, a character within the game who is not only aware of the fact that he's in a game and that there's a player who controls time, but who also has the ability to SEE the players' lives through the internet. A character who has the ability to see the horrors of everyday real life and how much people struggle with it, and see that some deal with those struggles using fiction. And not just any fiction, the fiction that the character itself lives in. A character who knows that these great beings, much bigger than him, use the thought of him and his world to get through the trials and tribulations of their lives, hardships that are horrific in completely different ways than his world ever had. A character who knows that they find comfort indulging in his world and finding everything it has to offer, because whatever his world has is much more pleasant than theirs.

He knows that to us his world is just a video game, one that remembers and we're not above consequences in, but still a video game. One of the most common complaints i hear about UT is that it is preachy in its message, and players shouldn't be berated by it for playing certain routes or making certain choices (but one of the points of the game was that there is an alternative way to complete it so why choose violence BUT that is a whole conversation in it of itself and this is long enough already)

So what if the game understood? What if the character who created this game, this world, knew that it is just a game and didn't judge the player? What if the character accepted that he is only fiction and saw the beauty and purpose within it, and how he can use his position in this situation to connect with us and allow us to escape our hurt for just a little while? What if he saw the hardships we've endured and empathised with us? What if he understood that we don't view his world as real like he does and we just use it for our fun, to escape, the way a child happily plays with a toy? What if he felt for us, and encouraged it?

Deltarune (initially) not having a way to really hurt and kill people makes me think that while gaster wanted us in this world for whatever his larger goal is, and wanted us to indulge in it, he didn't want us to hurt anyone. But he saw what we did with the previous world and knows that warnings, consequences and the visible and audible hurt of the characters won't stop us (in fact, it will encourage us), which is something he accepts and understands. it's said that his own curiosity brought him far in his endeavours so perhaps he even understands our curiosity and why we just have to see what would happen, as morbid as it is in universe

But i love that we (without the help of noelle, a game breaking pro) cannot kill anyone. He didn't even give us that option. He isn't completely detached from these worlds since he used to live within them. He still views the fictional characters in the game as real while also knowing us, our lives, and the way we interact with the characters. And he loves and cares for both.

Letting us escape into a nicer world while keeping the residents of it safe from us.

And that is of course assuming he isn't tricking us into a false sense of security to teach us a lesson, and isn't lying to our faces every time he talks to us kindly and thanks us. but i think that after an entire game and a whole cast of characters who taught us lessons and took control away from us and showed us what an asshole we are for playing the game in an unkind way.. i think it'll be a really nice thing and a breath of fresh air to have a character who knows what they and their world are to us on a realistic scale, see why we sometimes act so detached from its ways, and understand that yeah, it is just a game. And we do the things we do as a means to escape. And that it isn't necessarily a bad thing to interact with games in this way (to me that sounds like the most self aware character ever written). But also see the characters within it as real (since he used to be amongst them) and protect them from our worst.

Truly and wholeheartedly loving and caring for both his family and the person who barely hesitates to strip them of all their joy before murdering them too.

Kissing the hands of the man who killed his son

I have endured what no one on earth has ever done before

I put my lips to the hands of the man who killed my son