#autism in hsr and it leaves me like HMMM RUAN MEI IS

[artheresy]

Thinking more about Ruan Mei and I am trying to grapple with the fact that on some level in a way I can’t describe, I feel super strongly connected to her and in a way either understand or even relate to her

But like, I can’t fully explain it properly

Something about even with her strong knowledge, she is still struggles to properly feel and properly express and understand certain emotions and it’s one among the many factors of why she ends up being almost like a hermit (which OOF I had joked to myself she’s just like me fr when they called her a hermit but after the quest its hitting a bit too hard)

Even in her mannerisms, I can’t help but relate and it’s also part of why I think I ended up liking her a lot. I’ve seen a lot of people consider her deeply like evil or something or like she’s very hateful and malicious when she truly never came across that way to me and I just.. can’t see that. I can see the mad scientist in her, there’s no denying that. But she comes across as extremely morally ambiguous and perhaps a bit obsessive regarding her research rather than actively cruel or mean and I firmly believe she’s intended to come across that way looking at her dialogue and the way she behaves. I just can’t see her as evil or anything, probably because there are parts of her behaviors I know well

And again a huge part of my love for her comes from how her story and character is tied to the Aeons, and I fucking adore Aeon lore, I am praying for more like PLEASSEE

Even this didn’t get out all my feelings or fully explain what I think about her but y’know maybe later I’ll find the words I need