#because no one fucking cared about me when i was a child

[certifiedcodbabygirl]

Simon taking care of a child with medical issues when her bio dad is a deadbeat (✿◡‿◡)

I can just imagine Simon would be so good with a little girl who has type 1 diabetes. (There's a little bit of explaining of different medical terms so you're not left hanging) BUT TRUST ME HE WOULD BE SO GOOD FOR THE BOTH OF YOU

You had gotten pregnant with your little girl, Annabeth (Beth for short), a year after being married to Ethan. He seemed ready to be a dad, but once he found out Beth has diabetes, he cares for her less and less. He went to classes with you two, learned how to calculate her bolus (amount of insulin needed at meals) and basal (baseline amount of insulin for the day), but never did them properly. She'd end up with high blood sugars all day, sometimes getting ketones (breakdown of muscle in an attempt to breakdown sugar when there's no insulin) because he wouldn't give her the right amount of insulin. She'd puke and cry from how bad she felt, and he still wouldn't take care of her properly.

It would cause you to have to come home in the middle of work to give her the insulin he wouldn't, or if she got ketones, take her to the ER. You'd constantly get into arguments that would end with him going to the pub, and you crying. He wouldn't change, no matter how many times you explained that she could die from improper inulin dosage.

Other times, he'd give her too much, and her blood sugar would drop so low she could barely drink her juice. He'd call you, saying she's barely able to move, she's sweaty and the color from her face is drained, that she's crying, and he doesn't fucking know what to do.

The divorce ended with you having full custody, you allowing small visitations that are supervised. You can't trust he will take care of her how she needs.

NOW

When you start dating Simon, you explain to him why you got divorced, and how important your baby's health is. Even more so that she's so fragile. He assures you he's nothing like your ex-husband and would go strictly by your instruction if you allow him to be a part of her life.

The first few times he was around Beth, he payed close attention to how you took care of her. One time, at the park, Beth played a bit too hard, and her blood sugar dropped. You had 2 juices with you, but she went through those so fast. Once her blood sugar went back up, she played too hard again. Without telling you, he had already brought a few juices in his car. That was the first time he took care of her.

The second time was then you had asked him to pick up her prescriptions from the pharmacy. He waited for her insulin, but they only gave one vial. He explained to them that she uses two a month and that she needs the other one. They said that was all that was ready, so he waited 2 hours until the other one was ready.

What made up your mind was when you were called into work under an emergency, and you had no one to take care of Beth. You hadn't slept well the night before so when Simon offered to watch her, you hadn't thought to explain her dosage formula to him. It wasn't until the end of your shift that you realized and sped home (definitely going over the speed limit). Rushing through the door, you were greeted with the sight of Beth laying on Simon's chest, sound asleep. How was she not sick from no insulin?

"You told me her basal, so I gave her tha'"

oh

"What about the food she ate? Did she eat? What insulin did you give her?" You asked, extremely confused.

"I looked up no carb to low carb foods so I wouldn't have to worry about tha'. She had a cheese stick with some almonds and a lil bit of mashed blueberries with cinnamon mixed in, wasn't very hungry though so she didn't really finish it" he says softly, petting her hair, "told you I'd take care of her, mama"

oh

He really wasn't like her dad.

So, it wasn't really unreasonable when after she was put to bed, you pushed him to your bedroom and took care of him too.

(All of the information in this is coming from me, a type 1 diabetic. Everyone's diabetes is a little different, so this is based off of how mine affects me)

[kamospeach]

told you i like gentle giants so you softened up .ᐟ

plot: ceo!sukuna and the woman he was forced to marry finally learning to get along.

content warning: none at all. it's not 18+ but if i make a fic it will be.

peachy's yap: i wanna make this into a fic but im not 100% sure yet, lmk ! no smut just a small fluff to test out the waters. one last one shot coming until i go on a lil break.

this wasn't what you wanted at all. ever since you were a little girl you planned to get married to a caring man. years later give birth to a love child hold he or she in your arms as you and your loving husband smiled at one another.

that dream was gone now and here you were a year after your wedding. terrified to even knock on the door of his study knowing his temper was off the wall at the moment. when you were cooped up in your hobby room you could hear him barking orders. while you sat in silence writing novel after novel he forbade you to publish.

this was your everyday, wake up alone, eat alone, write alone, shower alone, watch movies alone, and even go to sleep alone. he was in his study night and day until his hefty body slipped into your shared bed waking you at 2am. he didn't bother to apologize he just turned away going to sleep himself. and yet you found yourself wanting to be close to sukuna.

you sighed already knowing the conversation you both were bound to have today... just like every month for the last year. you were given to him for your writing and negotiating skills. his father the previous boss offered to pay your father millions to suspend the contract at your job for you to work for them. all for money. you raised your hand knocing on the wretched door.

you and sukuna moved into this house 6 months ago and it felt like you'd been locked away in a tower. although sukuna never listened to your ideas or let you have your way about anything he left the house details to you. he stood back as you worked with the sketchy architect who purposely looked down your blouse (his words).

he let you pick out the number of rooms, and bathrooms. the ceiling height, the shape of the pool, even how many patio chairs you wanted. he let you decorate the house pick the colors, even would let you throw splashes of pink and purple where ever you pleased. but you never did it, you didn't want to do it if not with sukuna.

but to sukuna none of this mattered because his work was more important. in his words he said 'i'll let you deal with less important matters. at least im positive you won't fuck that up.' did that statement hurt? hell yeah but even then you still wanted to be close to him.

"s...sukuna?" you stuttered waiting to hear his gruff voice.

"get in here." he said sternly and you pushed the heavy doors open, struggling at the weight. once you pushed in you stood by the door hands behind your back fingers laced. "sit." he said pointing to the chair in front of his desk and you scurry not wanting to anger him.

"i'm sorry i didn't come sooner i was writing and i had a idea i couldn't lose." you plead his eyes never left yours. he face expression neither annoyed nor pleased.

"why must you continue writing, when you have a duty to fulfill here." he grumbled and you looked down at your thumbs.

"sukuna you wont let me go with you to negotiate that's all m'good for." you say and he scoffs at your excuse.

"you are here to write contracts and negotiate deals you have not done any of that over the last year!" he said his voice raising, by no means were you a push over. scared of this big, brolic, hunk definitely but one thing you'll never be is a punk.

"you have yet to assign me any work. i know what you'll say 'you should come ask me if there's anything to do' but you are my boss. you instruct i follow, i refuse to do anything for you if you can not request it on your own." your reply was calm, you didn't want to anger him further.

"i don't want to overwhelm you," he sighs. his strict facade dropping as he handed you papers and you hum. looking down at the papers it was full of stats and numbers that made your head spin. "this is everyday work for me, i need your help but i must figure it out alone."

"the numbers are a bit crazy but it's not much to find a way to make a deal that'll pretty up the numbers." you tell him and he nods.

"how?" he asked and you looked up at him. this was the first time sukuna had asked for your help. you were shocked that he even let you know that he needed help.

"i mean your the statistics man. once you work out the numbers we can talk negotiating." you tell him with a smile hoping the sly compliment of him being good with numbers didn't slip past him. his red eyes looked up at you through his thick lashes. the corner of his lips tugging upwards as if he wanted to smile and couldn't.

this day was the first day you sat next to sukuna behind his desk. your knees touched and even that amount of contact was enough for you. you helped him clean up his desk and he didn't object he just said 'make sure you put them where i tell you'. and you did picking up the papers on his desk and organizing them for him. placing them in different stacks based off who and what they were from.

little did you know sukuna admired your every move. he watched how you walked around his office complaining about how dull it was. how your curls bounced with every step you took. he watched you search up paint colors and decor for his office. not once did this distract him, he either hummed in agreement or disagreement as he worked on the numbers.

even days later the connection between sukuna and you began to grow. he listened to your opinions and even stepped out of his office during the day. he came to your writing room to sit and drink coffee with you at 3am when you felt like you had a good idea. he even showed you the room you called the 'junk room' that was quite literally filled with sukuna's junk. he pulled out an electric guitar bragging about how it was signed by one of the best.

he tells you the name as you face scrunches up in confusion never hearing of this man ever. but even your disinterest in that didn't deter his sheer audacity and gall. he called you a degenerate and said you were a bug under a rock. you replied with 'more like a boulder' as you looked him up and down judgingly.

this comment made sukuna laugh, yes actually laugh. from that day you never held in a joke, letting anything on your mind loose. sometimes sukuna would look at you as if you said the stupidest shit on earth. most times he'd shake his head with an endearing smile but 2 times out of 10 he'd laugh.

day after day the more time you spent with sukuna the more you were pulled out of the depression. you watched movies of families with a smile even thinking about having a child with that demon.

in return sukuna became more comfortable approaching you. initially he was scared to anger you or say something that would hurt your feelings. heading his father's warning 'don't talk to her too much. you know how you are, you'll hurt her feelings.' so he listened avoided starting conversation, leaving the bed before you woke up and coming in after you fell asleep. ate in his office and never ever entered your writing room.

that day you came in and told him he was your boss changed his brain chemistry. his father was wrong, he wouldn't hurt your feelings because you wanted him to act like your boss. you could dish it out and take it. that day was when sukuna thought to himself 'i could really get used to this'.

that's why after a month of the two of finally getting along sukuna instructed you to meet him at the dining table. dining table was a stretch as it only had 2 chairs. as you waited for him assuming it was about work you were shocked for sukuna to slam down your houses floorplan.

"it's about time we made this house into a home don't ya think?" he asked looking at you and you smiled. and the two of you sat there all night you sipping on a shirley temple and he drank whiskey. he promised he'd make you cocktails from now on since you found out he was a bartender for all of 3 months.

you planned and brainstormed until the next morning. you were leaned on the table drool coming out of your mouth. sukuna smiled at how comfortable you had became around him. he lifted you and carried you up the stairs. that was the first day sukuna felt like he was really a husband. that day was when sukuna swore to himself that he would be a husband.

[axetivev]

~ Warning! Batkids are Bruce and Reader's Biochild!

—Papa!Reader and his Bio!kids who would be the one who would and picked up Damian who got detention/suspended because Bruce was too busy.

"So you're telling me, you suspend my son, Damian Wayne because he protected his friend..?"

"W–well. Mr. Wayne... in this school, we don't—"

"Oh so you don't allow nor teach violence but allow harassment? Racism? You know what. Damian, call Bruce. You're changing schools."

—Papa!Reader and his Bio!kids who would force Tim to go to bed. No is not an option. And would never be. Then, Papa!Reader would lecture Tim about sleeping.

—Papa!Reader and his Bio!kids who would read them bedtime stories. And they'll have to agree with one, which led to fights (unfortunately).

"Pa! Can we get a bedtime story?"

"Of course, what do you guys want?"

"Oh! Oh! How about a story about..."

"Tim, you've requested yesterday!"

"Ca–Cass! At my defense—"

—Papa!Reader and his Bio!kids, where papa!reader hugged and gave Dick lunch money who was becoming Robin for the first time. In the end, this became a routine as the Robin legacy continued.

"My love, Dick can do it... Y–you don't have to—"

Papa!Reader who gave Dick his money. "Shut it Bruce! My poor baby can't fight crime empty handed! Are you really gonna buy him something when he's hungry!?"

Year later...

"..."

"M/N—"

"Here, Damian. Here, 100 bucks! Spend it for something useful, m'kay?"

—Papa!Reader and his Bio!kids, when Jason died, he drowns into depression. Struggle—unable to move on. He felt himself being a failure of a dad. To a level to skip meals.

—Papa!Reader and his Bio!kids, after Jason was back alive. He was crying. Hugging Jason as tight as he could to his 6'0 son. He can't, he can't lose another child.

"Forgive me for everything, Jason."

"Pa... I'm here. Really, I'm fine now... I'll be extra careful next time."

"Please be... I don't want to lose you and others again..."

—Papa!Reader and his Bio!kids, who would secretly bring the kids out if Bruce grounded them. But when he was the one who grounds them. No one. No one can save them.

—Papa!Reader and his Bio!kids, who have boys and girls time. For boys, he'd basically spend his time with the boys (basically, Dick, Jason, Tim, Damian, Duke) and the girls (Stephanie, Cass).

—Papa!Reader and his Bio!kids, who would work in Arkham Asylum while his kids were looking for him from afar to make sure he was safe. The kids would usually switch but of course they'll fight about it.

"Hey! It's my time to look over pa!"

"Cut it Richard. You've done that last week."

"C'mon! Why don't you guys let Duke and Damian!?"

"FUCK YOU CASSANDRA!"

"OH FUCK YOU!"

Meanwhile Papa!Reader who watched from afar while drinking his tea.

"Kids these days..."

—Papa!Reader and his Bio!kids, when his birthday rolls around, the kids would give him something. It could be a father—son/daughter time, or them spending their money to buy him something—anything. They'll basically spoil you, because you deserve it!

—Papa!Reader and his Bio!kids, who would be his literal bodyguard. Even after Papa!Reader told them he's alright. What can I say? Your kids are too loving. Even too clingy sometimes.

—Papa!Reader and his Bio!kids, where the kids would argue to Bruce about who should have "Papa time" first. Being neither Dick or Damian who leads and Tim gathers information and key details others would light the fire even more. While Papa!Reader tried to calm the kids while Alfred just smirked to himself.

"Well, father. At our defense. Papa spends more time with you. He would prepare you for work; tidying your tie as you go to work, as Batman. Papa helped you with gathering some information with Barbs."

"If not. You two would cuddle on the couch from day and night!"

"Therefore?"

"Therefore, we deserve our own papa time!!!"

—Papa!Reader and his Bio!kids, where if there's a parent brave enough to say something horrible to his kids, Papa!Reader won't hesitate to break them mentality. This also applies if some soul dares to speak to you horribly. The kids would casually show no mercy.

—Papa!Reader and his Bio!kids, when Bruce looked at every single child of his. He would look at Papa!Reader, eyes staring at your very soul as he towered you.

"I want more kids."

"Bruce, we literally have 7 kids, multiple dogs, a cat, a cow, and many others. We have—"

"That's not a question."

[worthlessnepenthes]

So I reblogged this because it’s funny but then I thought about YQY for a second, and reblogged again so I could talk.

This isn’t going to be any new, profound thoughts for the fandom I’m sure but they’re new to me and I wanna talk for a minute.

I, personally, do not like YQY. I don’t HATE him, but I don’t like him. But I do feel sorriest for him, out of all the SVSSS and PIDW characters. I often forget that when he left SJ, he too was a literal child. Yes, he probably could have done better—told his master he needed help to save his brother, heck, told a fellow shidi or shixiong once he got to the peak. He was probably popular. I can’t imagine no one would have been willing to help him. But he was also a child, so I forgive him. He suffered and hurt himself, grievously, permanently causing himself a chronic condition in his attempts to get back to DJ. I don’t know that I think he did everything he COULD, but I do believe he did everything he THOUGHT he could.

And then Shen Jiu shows up, much like a feral cat, and constantly lashes out and hurts YQY. Their strained relationship is absolutely caused on both ends. It’s hard to say, ‘Well, YQY should have just KNOWN that SJ wasn’t going to the brothels to sleep with whores/didn’t kill LQG/wasn’t abusing Ning Ning/whatever other terrible things he was accused of,’ when SJ was, in fact, very verbally abusive and physically abusive to at least one disciple (lbh. Do we even get a canon reason WHY he hates him so much?), and verbally abusive to YQY, and to most likely many other characters.

However, maybe if YQY had actually stood up for SJ and said ‘No, this is a misunderstanding, this is not what happened,’ instead of just assuming that SJ had done whatever terrible thing and then covering for him in a sense of guilt, maybe things wouldn’t have been so bad. Or if YQY said, ‘take out your anger on me, it’s all my fault, but leave the others alone’. (It wasn’t, and SJ is wrong for acting this way.)

Honestly if they had ever fucking COMMUNICATED instead of just assuming the actual fucking worst of each other, while still deeply loving the other (in whatever romantic or platonic way they had, they loved the other) no matter whether they ever said it or not, a lot could have been avoided. Like PIDW YQY’s death.

Or hell, if Airplane had ever written about Xianxia mental health care instead of probably curing depression with papapa!

But the relationship between SJ and YQY is almost worse and more horrifying after SY comes through. YQY KNOWS it isn’t SJ, but every test they do show he isn’t possessed. So maybe it really is SJ, and all SJ needed to become happy was simply…to forget almost everything, but especially any time SJ and YQY spent together before they became Peak Lords.

So YQY is still trying to make it up to a person that he both thinks is there and thinks is not there, never knowing for sure. Every emotion he has towards this ‘new’ SJ feeling like a betrayal, ‘if only SJ could have acted like this before!’

Yeah. It’s really horrifying. He never gets the comfort of knowing for certain that SJ is gone, never gets to properly grieve and burn incense for him. But he also always feels just slightly off kilter with SY, and then feels guilt, because this is SJ! And even if it isn’t…what can YQY do about it?

YQY has many sleepless nights, wondering, after SY shows up.

I don’t like YQY, but I feel sorry for him. He is the most pitiful character in the book to me.

Shen Qingqiu, pissed off during a peak lord meeting: when I die I want Shang-shidi to lower me into the earth, just so he can let me down one last time

Shang Qinghua: bro c'mon

Yue Qingyuan, abruptly overcome by jealousy so intense that he's on the verge of a qi deviation: but I thought I was the one who let Xiao Jiu down the most...?

[kxtsukixoxo]

pro!hero dynamight is known for his explosive nature, fans second guessing if they should really approach the hothead. is it really surprising when you aren’t scared of him?

𝗦𝗘𝗥𝗜𝗘𝗦 ᥫ᭡ 𝗣𝗥𝗘𝗩 ᥫ᭡ 𝗡𝗘𝗫𝗧

“okay so let me get this straight”

mina exhaled, “you met her KID. HER CHILD BAKUGOU. but you dont think she likes you???”

katsuki chewed on his bottom lip, frustrated. frustrated at mina, frustrated at the conflict in the predicament he’s in, frustrated at himself.  

“listen, i don’t wanna fuck it up”

mina sat back down on her chair and looked at eijiro, signaling for him to take over the conversation, eijiros chewing came to a halt, he put his sandwich down and cleared his throat. “listen bro, i really don’t think she sees you as just a friend, she trusted you with her kid” eijiro reasoned out, making valid points to which katsuki noticed. 

“maybe because im a pro, and she knows she can trust me?” katsuki scoffed. mina sighed and rubbed the bridge of her nose with her index finger and thumb, “i give up!!” she took a long sip of her coffee, recollecting herself while denki and sero looked at each other dumbfoundedly. 

sero exhaled, “from what you’ve been telling us, i really believe she likes you bakugou, even if it’s just a bit, it’s something you can work with” “i don’t need ta’ work with anything!” katsuki snapped, “she’s strictly just a friend.” he crossed his arms against his chest. 

the signs were there, right infront of him. clearer than the sky that morning. why would he invest in a safety seat for kenji? sure the guy had to cash to blow. clearly, katsuki was trying to convince himself and not the others around him. everybody that surrounded him, knew that he had the fattest crush on you. the first person to pick it up, was izuku. the green haired boy noticed it the moment he saw his hotheaded childhood friend smile at his phone, in all his years that he’s known katsuki, there were a handful of times that he actually smiled, yet with you it came naturally and frequently. though the two of you are just friends right? grinning to himself, izuku knew where this was headed. 

katsuki, drove home that day. conflicted with the thoughts that filled his head. he knew he liked you, so why did he deny it? he knew it the moment he let you in, and he confirmed it the second he smiled around you so freely. 

truth be told, katsuki was scared. he knew he could trust you, but the fact he let someone in so easily, frustrated him. he could easily lose you, with the pressure his work brought onto him, with how fragile you were, compared to him. katsuki could deny it as much has he liked, but he was filled with fear, he was scared he’d lose you over one small careless mistake. 

‘if you’re so scared of losing her, then don’t give her a reason to leave asshole’ the voice at the back of his head nagged him. the boy survived a war, hell he fought in it, at the age of 17. so why did a woman, bring so much of fear in him? 

‘that’s what love does to you bud’ 

“i’m not in love idiot!” katsuki bursted out, in the middle of a street, everyone turned around to look at the hothead argue with himself. “what’re you looking at nerd!” he screamed at the civilians watching him, they scurried to continue what they were doing before katsukis public outburst 

it hadn’t even been five hours since his public outburst and clips were already trending, katsuki huffed and puffed

‘this is all her fault’

he groaned as his phone lit up, his PR manager had rung him for the 50th time already.

“you finally picked up” 

katsuki grumbled “make it quick” 

“im guessing you’ve seen the clip”

“no shit sherlock, it’s everywhere” 

“well as much as you don’t care about your public image, you need to turn their attention towards something else” 

katsuki sighed, there was no point in opposing, “what do i need to do” 

“attend an interview”

fuck. 

𝗧𝗔𝗚𝗟𝗜𝗦𝗧 -

@rinkomei @qyuin @kalulakunundrum @amayaaaxx @lotusstarr @mona345 @aryuunachigiri @emmaafinchh @haruesme @nottherealslimshady @taxavoider @gomu-gomu-gojo @your-mum3000 @slutlight2ndver @citruki @d4rlinx @bangersplusmash 

[privatejoker]

my boyfriend is older than me and recently a coworker made a big stink about it, going behind my back talking about being "worried for me" and about "power dynamics" to literally everyone. even pushing people when they obviously did not care to take some kind of moral stance on my behalf and against my boyfriend. the only effect this had on my life was that people avoided me and were afraid to talk to me and i felt like i could not express any kind of negative emotion lest some white knight moralist weirdo swooped in and tried to convince me it was because of my boyfriend. and in fact certain people were monitoring me as if i were a child. to the point where it cost me my job! i felt so shit coming into work and no one but one friend felt capable of telling me about what was happening so i just felt hated all of a sudden

i am a 24 year old man and this person is training to become a social worker

this person bought into that supernatural fanfiction morality drama and needs to police other peoples "dynamics" to feel better about their own issues to the point where it fucked with my real life. crazy. well i'm fine now

[4ragon]

I dunno why I've been thinking so much about Galo Thymos recently but I just keep thinking about how much I love him and how a lot of fan stuff kind of almost sands down his edges in a way? Like. Sometimes I feel like people miss some really interesting character details about him that I find fascinating. Like. He's great, and kind, and a dipshit, and also. Kind of an asshole sometimes? And I feel like sometimes people don't get that part and how it ties into the rest of his personality, but it's so important to me.

And like. Hey. Alright. Some of this is headcanon. But there's a reason the cave scene happened like it did.

Like. Insulting the burnish to Lio wasn't a fluke. This happens after the pizza scenes, so we know Galo understands and sympathizes with the struggles of the burnish. And he still insults the burnish to Lio's face, because he wants to get a rise out of him. And yes some of it is Galo just not thinking hard enough to unpack something bigoted he heard, but the only reason he says it is because he wants to make Lio angry and that overrides any other thought in his brain.

Because Galo is 'the good guy,' and Lio is 'the badguy,' and Galo wants to banter and be cool and make Lio mad. He doesn't even think about this implications of what he's saying, he doesn't even register that it's not just him insulting Lio, he's also insulting the injured people nearby, the scared children in bandages, the pizza guy he just tried to save.

But Lio doesn't get mad. Lio gets hurt. He gets upset. (Okay he's also mad, but not just mad.) And when he replies, he's not defending himself. He's defending The Burnish. We're people. We're human beings. And THAT'S what makes Galo realize what he said was wrong. Because in that instant, Lio goes from a sort of nebulous idea of 'cool enemy I have to one-up and fight' to a person who needs to protect the weak, just like Galo. And in that moment, Galo had failed to do that because he let his impulsive need to be cool and fight back override his empathy.

Or. Here's another telling detail. After the pizza scene, Galo just storms off. He gets angry and drives off without a word. And he goes to the frozen lake, because it's "where he goes to cool off." Because he doesn't want to start fights and get in trouble and make Kray look bad.

Which tells me...this has been a problem before? This is an active decision he's made to step away, and it feels like a coping mechanism he's had to figure out for himself. Because he's combative and hot headed, and that's not always constructive. I can see him easily being the kid in school that sees some bullying and starts swinging on the playground. I can also easily see him as the kind of kid that talks back in class, the kid that gets frustrated quickly when he doesn't understand something. The problem child that had to work really hard to direct his big feelings into something constructive.

And I find it so fascinating how these parts of him work together to create such a kind and goofy protagonist. Because he's also so fucking kind and empathetic. He sees a rampaging dragon and INSTANTLY notices that it's crying. He refuses to play by Kray Foresight's rules and decides to save everyone, even if it's harder, even if Kray Foresight tells him it's impossible. Because Galo is rude and impulsive and combative and he cares so so so so so much about everyone and everything, and those parts of him are intrinsically tied together.

And also I love him.

[nottivagos]

https://www.tumblr.com/buralaryalannstuff/773302179869163520?source=share

this is SO stalker!carlos comforting reader (could also be me) (please)

no idea attached to this, i just saw it and had to share it!!

- 🐇

an: i'm not classing this as a notebook post because there's no filth. it's basically a long ass idea (poorly written, i'm too tired for grammar today) that has been in my drafts for ages. on that note, more and more every day i believe we are the same person, 🐇anon because HOW DID WE GET THE SAME POST AND SAME IDEA IN THE SAME DAY?!?!?!?

it was the same as it usually was. a bad dream followed by carlos’s arms around you, your emotional state confused by the emotions you were feeling. your mind frantic as it was on overdrive.

the dream was always vivid and constant, as if you were living in the moment again. he’d come around for dinner, that charming look glimmering in his eye as he passed you that wine glass, before they had darkened upon your first sip. 

then it was fuzzy. the distant crack of a mobile phone followed by some muffled words. did you even finish your food? that you couldn’t remember. you must’ve done, surely. what was it again? it was definitely hearty— warming, even. then it was darkness. you could remember being awoken by that bumpy dirt track, before carlos pressed a sweet finger on your lips, cooing you so you’d fall back asleep again. to which you did with no protests.

the next phase, however, was more corrupted and stark. carlos’s uncontrollable rage when you tried to leave for the first time, the pathetic tears that shed and burnt your cheeks from the fact that they fell so uncontrollably. the sheer fear followed by a half-assed “i’m sorry, cariño” as he held you that night, before laying you ever so gently onto his lap, toying with your hair absentmindedly in the silence of your new home. the forest and your little cottage. that stupid, stupid dream he’d made a fucking reality, even if it was being seen through rose tinted glasses. 

then came the lack of contact with your parents and friends. carlos’s sweet words when he tried to explain that you didn’t need them anymore. that first christmas you’d both shared, the new phone he’d gifted you with the numbers he thought you needed already put into it. the way “my love” rolled off his lips whenever he walked into a room to see you. that stupid smile you always smiled when he did so, followed by a pounding heart and an afraid face whenever his body language tensed at something you’d done or said that he didn’t approve of. 

“oh my sweet girl,” broke you out of your frantic thoughts. carlos then sighed, brushing your hair from your eyes with a large hand in a sweet gesture. it felt right being here like this. in carlos’s embrace, feeling his warmth as burly arms cradled your sobbing form, engulfing you with his size like a blanket of love and safety.

a choked sob followed. your big watery eyes came to look up at his caring brown doe ones as you sniffled, rosy coloured lips formed into a pout as your cheeks stained crimson and stung from the salty tears you’d shed.

“what are these tears for, hmm?” he consoled ever so gently, his thick accent like the calm in the storm as calloused pads of his thumbs came to brush some stray tears from your cheeks, coming to cup your face. “it’s just a dream, nena. just a dream,” he whispered as if he was talking to a child.

you were too emotional to speak. sobs were the only thing to escape your lips, throat dry as you strangled yourself in your own overwhelming sadness. 

“that’s alright,” carlos soothed, pressing your face back against his chest as you continued to cry. “we can talk about it later,” he murmured into your ear, pressing a loving kiss against your temple whilst a hand came to tangle in your hair whilst cupping the back of your head.

“i-i’m sorry,” your croaky voice managed merely a whisper of an apology, nuzzling your face into his chest. carlos knew you’d ruin his shirt with your messed up mascara, but he was willing to sacrifice that if it meant you were safe and happy in his arms. 

“shh,” he was quick to shush you, pressing another loving peck against the top of your head as he sighed contently. “there’s no need to talk right now,” carlos mumbled, “just let it all out,” his other hand coming to wrap around your waist, his thumb brushing up and down your spine gently in soothing motions.

and it was in these moments that it felt pure with carlos. he cared. of course he fucking cared, he was the only one for you. he believed in his own sick and twisted way. your soul and life was his, but all in all, was it so bad? a few night terrors were easily fixed in these moments as carlos kissed away your tears, whispering those sweet words you desperately needed to hear into your ear as you just hopelessly let him comfort you. like always. and forever. <3

[pandaofsecrets]

This convo got me thinking about how Ozai being a good parent and husband would actually be like (and how little that would actually change things), so here's the basics of the AU. It follows comics continuity because I think it's more impactful that way, and also because I really don't want to write two AUs for the price of one.

Okay, so first of all, how do we get here? Let's say that instead of Ozai becoming narcissistic as a coping mechanism (unlikely, but bear with me), he just kinda gives up trying to "prove his worth" and distances himself from his father and brother, distrusting them and trying to avoid their attention as much as he can.

Anyway, Azulon hears about the prophecy and wants Ozai married to Ursa, which. So much for not attracting attention. Azulon's logic here is that while he does want those strong firebenders, he doesn't want any of Roku's line to actually inherit the throne. So, marrying Ursa to his out-of-favor second son it is.

Needless to say, neither Ozai nor Ursa are exactly jazzed about the marriage. They're both essentially forced into it, and Ursa was already seeing someone, thank you very much. But they both figure that it's for the good of their country and that they can't really leave anyway, so they might as well try to make it work. Ozai works to make Ursa as comfortable as possible, and she cooperates with him as much as she can. A few months or so into the marriage, Ursa is pregnant with Zuko.

This is when Ursa notices that no one is replying to her letters. No one at all. Not Ikem, not her friends, and not even her parents. Like, she knows mail is slow, but it's been almost half a year at this point. Her parents at least should've written back by now. So, she does a little detective work, and puts together that Ozai is intercepting her letters.

Unsurprisingly, Ursa is pissed. She'd just begun to like Ozai, and he went and tore her heart into confetti. Incredibly betrayed (and also hormonal as all fuck), Ursa comes up with the very smart idea of writing a letter to Ikem in which she pretty much confesses to cheating on Ozai, reasoning that would hurt him pretty bad.

As Ursa expected, Ozai gets the letter and barges into the room, demanding to know what the hell she was thinking. "I knew it!" she goes. "I knew you've been intercepting my letters!" Ozai is like "Count yourself lucky it was me. What if it was my father? How would you have even begun to explain this to him?" He goes on to remind her that she was to give up contact with everyone outside of court, including her parents. He doesn't like his father's orders any more than she does, but he has to enforce them. He then burns the letter, telling Ursa that she can see whoever she wants, do whatever she wants, but she had better not let Zuko get caught up in any of it. Ozai makes a point to call Zuko his child, both because Ursa's letter did hurt him, and as a way to imply he cares about Zuko and Ursa doesn't.

A couple of hours later, both are feeling bad about the whole debacle. Ursa goes to see Ozai, who's in the middle of his usual "dealing with his angst by training until he straight-up collapses" routine, and they have a chat. Ozai apologizes for trying to imply she doesn't care about Zuko and for putting her in this position in the first place, and admits that he should've talked to her instead of going behind her back like that. Ursa swears she wasn't trying to get them in trouble, she was just so hurt by his actions that she wasn't thinking straight. Ozai promises her he'll find a way for her to contact and maybe even see her parents, so long as she promises to try and be less reckless. She agrees.

I'm skipping around a lot over things I haven't thought of in detail, so cut to a few years later. Zuko is around 7 and has just started his firebending lessons, Azula is around 5, and everything seems to be going pretty good. And then Azula starts firebending as well. Not only that, but she turns out to be a prodigy. Oops.

Ozai being Ozai, he immediately goes for damage control. He holds back Azula's progress under the pretext that it's going to be better for her in the long run, discourages her from attracting attention, and is generally very cagey whenever the subject of her bending is brought up. This is in sharp contrast to Azulon and to her teachers, who praise her for her talents and encourage her to develop her skills. So, naturally, Azula is really confused. If she's so great, why doesn't her father ever acknowledge it? This is made worse by the fact that Ozai can't really explain to Azula why he does things the way he does. So he just comes off as an unreasonable tyrant, which is. You know. Not at all the impression he wanted Azula to have of him. He knows what it's like to be the secondborn who is disliked by their parent, he never wanted to do that to his own child. It honestly feels like the universe is out to get him at this point.

So Azula becomes increasingly recalcitrant, and Ozai resolves to just give her space for the time being, spending more time with the one child who isn't fighting him at every turn. Seeing this as a rejection, Azula takes whatever pent-up rage she can't direct at Ozai and starts directing it at Zuko, meaning Ozai is put in a position where he has to protect one of his children from the other. Ursa tries her hardest to pick up the pieces, but that just ends with Azula writing her off as well. Azula also becomes aware of the fact that Ozai and Ursa are both pretty much powerless against Azulon, and that's where the fun begins.

It's a crappy situation all around, but it's about to get worse. Lu Ten dies and Iroh is about to return home from the Siege of Ba Sing Se, so Azulon tells Ozai that he has to give Azula to Iroh. Ozai is like, yep, there it is. There's the moment I've been dreading ever since I got married. Because due to the way this whole eugenics experiment worked, his children were never truly his. Azulon's vested interest in them meant Ozai never had any control over his own family, and Zuko and Azula were always going to be taken away from him sooner or later. But before Ozai can say anything, Azulon drops the bombshell on him. He has to kill Zuko, too. Ozai is like, fuck this. He doesn't care that Zuko was a failed experiment or whatever, that's his son. But he knows by now that his father cannot be reasoned with, so he asks Azulon to wait until Iroh comes home, buying himself time to figure out what to do. Surprisingly, Azulon agrees.

Ozai then goes to Ursa and tells her the tale of what just happened. Ursa goes, yeah, no, we can't afford to wait until Iroh comes back. Because even if they did, Zuko would still die. Ozai is like, well, there's gotta be something we can do. And that's when Ursa gets an idea. She briefly considers telling Ozai, but quickly thinks better of it. Patricide is a strong word. She knows Ozai wouldn't approve, so if she wants something done, she's gotta do it herself. Instead, she just says she knows a way, and leaves Ozai to mope.

Next morning, the palace is in chaos. Azulon just kicked the bucket, Iroh is away, and everyone is looking to Ozai for leadership. Ozai has a chat with Ursa and is like "You did this, didn't you?" Ursa is all "I don't know what you're talking about", and Ozai asks her if she really thinks he's that stupid. He then encourages her to get the heck out of Dodge, because someone is definitely going to trace this back to her and then they'll all be in big trouble, her especially. Ursa counters that she's not the same reckless woman she was 8 years ago, and that she made sure to cover all her bases this time, pinning the blame on supposed Earth Kingdom assassins. They sit in silence for a bit, and then Ozai confesses he can't believe Azulon is dead, and that he doesn't know whether to be relieved or to hate Ursa for murdering him. Ursa says that everything she's done, she's done to protect her family.

So Ozai basically becomes interim Fire Lord while waiting for Iroh to come back, and he does a pretty good job, having basically been acting Crown Prince ever since he came of age (with all of the responsibility and none of the credit, because Azulon was a dick like that). From here the AU can go any number of ways, from Iroh immediately taking over as Fire Lord, to him giving up his claim to the title, to Iroh trying to give up his claim and Ozai refusing.

I don't know if I'm ever going to actually write this AU, so I'm leaving this here, I guess? Lmk what you think.

[pigeonentity]

i keep thinking about them in terms of for and against each other: thirteen's against, twelve's for, eleven i think would be against, ten's for, and i haven't watched anything before him (yeah ikk im getting to it soon. watched it w my parents the first time so its on them) so i can't speak beyond that. dhawan's against, missy's for, and simm's against. like they've all got at least a little of both but they have a general direction

twissy worked out because they both cared about each other. missy came to help the doctor when he thought he was going to die, the doctor... locked her up, but he did have good intentions. i dont think we can say spydoc worked out, but i think since they both hated each other it went smoother than it could have. and tensimm was fucking doomed (neither of them want the same thing. they want each other to be different people)

twelvesimm, which was overshadowed by twissy but still deserves a mention, i think is similar to tensimm but with time could have had a higher chance of success, since 12, i think, might have responded more to him rather than trying to push him into someone who wanted to be better. tbh it might depend on the doctor's mood that day, im a little uncertain about this one but at the very least its a vaguely more functional tensimm

thrissy would break me. thrissy would be the anti-tensimm. missy shows up, still an enemy but also always, willingly and knowingly, a friend, and this time it's the doctor who says no. who tells her to fuck off, less distrust than expected and more loathing. they fight until missy realises it's not their usual games, and the doctor's gone too far stopping her. i mean come on her master tried to have her and her companions killed but it's not like he actually did it-- but she turned him over to the fucking nazis before she even knew he destroyed gallifrey, and missy killed osgood just after the doctor offered to have her as a companion, how would 13 take that?

11missy (elmissy? elemissy? mileven? no.) would run similarly, but if we're going with her using her same plan that she used on 12... he would take the army. he would take the army, however little he trusted her. i can see it going a few ways-- she leaves or he kills her or he locks her up somewhere because he's the doctor and she's the master and that's what he does, she comes back and suggests conquering the universe together or something, he says no and they fight, he says yes because he excuses murder if it aligns with what he wants, or if he likes the person enough (look at who he married!!) and they murder across the universe and we have canon thoschei until a companion saves the universe from them or river gets jealous

11dhawan would be AMAZING they have VERY similar energy and it would be SO much fun but also-- parallels? you could do so many little parallels with that? we see them spin the same way at the same time and they hate each other but one comments on something walking down a hallway and the other comes by and says the same thing and ughhh who do i pay to make this happen??

12dhawan has a special place in my hearts and i cant completely say why i just need them to meet. i need to be there when the master shows the doctor the timeless child and he cant accept it. idk if he'd be able to go the "there's more of me!" way out that 13 did, but he might be able to half do it, in that he realises he can overload the system but they break out of there through spite. i need to be there when the doctor says that ofc burning gallifrey is wrong, but he sides with the master. they lied to us. they lied to both of us. i need to see the master's anger, because he's being forgiven again. but he's not forgiving him, it's more that he understands, or like what he said to clara-- do you really think i care for you so little that betraying me could make a difference?-- and the master doesn't know what to do with that. he is so close to being better. but he doesn't want to be. so he burns himself up

10missy would work BUT i think 10 might take the army and theyd be less functional than twissy

I FORGOT THE ONES AFTER 13 skipping 14 bc he blurs into 10 for me even though they're different, but 15 would be for and he and missy would both hurtle into "this is MY queer friends to enemies to whatever the fuck we are and i can be as weird and dramatic about it as i like" not only are they both for but they're both on the exact same level as to what their relationship is and they're so fucking weird about it it's brilliant. varies a bit depending on who missy kills but i think there's a lot of chaotic potential there

but also if the master starts being too dramatic he would just tell them to shut up. which would also be brilliant

ANYWAY if anybody writes about any of these versions PLEASE tag me i need to read about them. pigeonentity on here and ao3. please

to me thoschei is one of those dress up games where i get to mix and match different items of clothing (versions of the doctor and the master) to create stunning outfits (tragic relationship dynamics)

[xcruelprincessx]

Eldred doesn't get as much hate as he deserves so here I am starting an Eldred hate chain!

That asshole abounded his own child because of a stupid prophecy! Refused to even listen to Cardan's side of the story when Dain blamed him in a murder and cast him out of the palace for no reason at all. Lady Asha gets all the hate for being a terrible mother, but that man is even shittier than she is! He's said to be manipulative and bloodthirsty especially when he was younger. And did little to nothing for Elfheme for all those thousands of years besides having a bunch of asshole children. (Cardan did more in a few months than Eldred did for centuries of ruling and he didn't even have to try to be king.)

Had so many consorts and lovers that it makes me throw up (he had a whole fucking chamber for them connected to his bedroom with a secret corridor ew). Favours only one of all his six children and doesn't care about the others. I don't like Dain but I can't blame him for trying to poison his wrinkly ass!

[applestorms]

i don’t think people give ciel nearly enough credit when it comes to his emotional intelligence/how self-aware he is.

like, yeah— ciel is a brat, he’s a stuck up little privileged rich kid, he’s pampered and spoiled and struggles massively when he’s forced to live without the luxuries he’s always grown up with. but he also recognizes that, in a way that is actually quite mature for someone of his age and class. he’s cynical, he’s pessimistic, he has incredible little (if any) respect or hope for humanity left— but this is something he applies to himself and the others at his same social standing just as much as anyone else, if not more. he clearly connects and empathizes with finny (and honestly all of his servants) because he sees himself within him, trusting him like a (his) brother during the emerald witch arc. he understands where joker is coming from with regards to his desperation to take care of his family and doesn’t pass judgement on him, to the point of even planning to take care of the very family he thought he’d left behind after joker dies. he even seems to have some degree of genuine respect for lizzie, assuaging her insecurities by trying to see her for who she is and not who she wants to be or feels like she must be.

honestly, i think that in most of the cases where ciel is being a full on Brat™ it all goes back to one thing— ciel trying to asset his Power, and take back control over the situation.

ciel is a character who is very very very easily underestimated at first glance by most people who have just met him, and even a few people who know him longer than that. he’s literally a sickly victorian child with asthma and CPTSD-motivated panic attacks, the kid is frail as fuck, not to mention— a kid. the fact that ciel might have something of an inferiority complex is obvious enough even if you don’t bring the whole lesser-twin thing into it, his minute stature is something literally every fucking character brings up upon first meeting him.

sometimes, ciel can use this to his advantage, so he does. he puts on the cute little boy face and flutters his eyelashes and uses other peoples’ empathy against them to achieve his own goals (see: arthur, and also like the entire public school arc, etc.).

most of the time though, ciel doesn’t really want to do this, not only because it’s somewhat demeaning but also because he Does have a reputation to uphold. ciel needs to constantly be both on guard and on the attack for his job as the queen’s watchdog, he is basically obligated to constantly stand as the biggest threat in the underworld. much of ciel’s Brat behavior to other people comes down to this— him asserting his status, not really out of any pride for the title, but because he is a Threat and other people need to fucking know it. sometimes, this means shoving his (and sebastian’s) power in their face until they get the fucking picture and/or die trying to understand it, particularly in the case of more asshole-ish characters like all the random evil businessmen with criminal agendas that ciel puts through the evil haunted demon house schtick. other times, this manifests more in the form of a kind of genuine empathy— you Should get the fuck away if you actually care about the things you claim to care about cuz i will not hold back, etc.

speaking of— in the case of sebastian specifically, the fact that this is ciel’s desire to take back agency becomes even more clear.

sebastian and ciel’s dynamic is one of, if not the most compelling aspects of this series to me, in large part because of how goddamn codependent they are while simultaneously being inherently at odds with one another. this series Will end with sebastian eating ciel’s goddamned soul— i honestly think that even if the rest of the cast eventually becomes more aware of the specifics of sebastian’s demonic nature or their contract, ciel himself will stop them from trying to save him or break the deal somehow, and sebastian himself certainly doesn’t have nearly enough of an attachment to humanity as a whole to bother actually stopping himself from chowing down, even if he may regret it somewhat more than he expected afterwards. yet at the same time, right up until we reach that exact point, they have every reason to need and want to collaborate with each other— something that they do, even if it is with full knowledge of the exact sword hanging over their heads the entire time that they’re playing nice.

i really love the analysis from this post, which points out the fact that all of the three core rules ciel establishes for their contract are perfectly designed to turn sebastian into someone that ciel can trust. highly recommend reading that essay, but to elaborate a bit more in my own words— ciel knows that sebastian is going to eat him one day. he is incredibly physically fragile and aware of this, perhaps even aware of the ways in which he has been made mentally weak due to his traumas, and especially of the fact that he is vulnerable specifically in comparison to sebastian. every single time that sebastian saves ciel, it is another reminder that This is who ciel is going to die to. he is chained to this starving, rabid monster just as much as the monster is chained to him, and one day, those roles are going to flip. he’s not going to be in power forever, and he knows it.

therefore: when ciel is a Brat™ at sebastian specifically, i read this less as ciel actually being unaware/childish/stupid/etc., and more as ciel tugging on the proverbial chain to make sure he is still the one pulling the strings. ciel has a habit of emphasizing the fact that he is Ordering sebastian when he is in a stressful situation or panicking for any given reason, focusing on the language that he Knows sebastian will respond to. and it’s a trauma response. IT’S A TRAUMA RESPONSE!!

what i think ciel Hates, above all else, maybe even more than he cares to consciously admit, is not having power. he can’t stand to not be the one in full control of a situation. he can’t stand having his agency taken from him, not after Everything that he’s been through.

if there’s one thing that watching his entire family be killed while also being viciously abused by a cult taught (not) ciel, it is the feeling of having No power. he was helpless to stop his parents’ murders, he was helpless to stop the cult from violating and abusing him, he was helpless to stop his own brother’s death. ciel connects more easily and often more deeply on an emotional level with the lower class characters in the story because he knows what it feels like to be completely powerless in the face of the absolute worst of humanity. thus, when ciel acts like a Brat, when he asserts his title as an Earl, someone Respectable, or as The Queen’s Watchdog, someone Threatening, when he demands that everyone bend over backwards to serve his will— it is ciel taking back all the power that he can and gripping it as tightly as he possibly fucking can, because he knows what can and will happen if/when he lets it all go.

and there is no character for which this is more true than sebastian. one of the most powerful entities in the series, easily the one closest to ciel, who he depends on so incredibly— but who is also Destined and Required to bring his end once all this is over. ciel kicks sebastian around, treats him like shit and shows him rare moments of kindness and care, all for the affirmation that He is still in control. absolutely nobody can ever meaningfully hurt ciel again, so long as sebastian is there— and sebastian won’t hurt him either. not yet. but, instinctively, he needs to keep testing that bond. just in case. just to be sure.

honestly, i think that’s where the real tragedy of the series comes from— ciel never really grows, never really changes, because he Can’t. he guaranteed that for himself. at his absolute lowest point, ciel lost all faith in humanity and god and Himself. he lost his childhood naïveté, and the ability to believe in goodness in any form. ciel knows that one day, he’s going to be hurt again, that someone is going to snatch him up and chew him alive— all he wants now is the control to dictate for himself when that inevitable end will happen.

[girlwith15cents]

Oversharing on the internet about ADHD

I've been trying to write this post for awhile now. It relates to my previous post about mental disabilities. But it's proving difficult cause it keeps sounding too pathetic, but that's kinda the point.

I, in my present, have an idea of who I am. My interests, how I act, how I dress, who I associate with, my gender expression. These are all observable things. Ways that other people can form opinions on me. These are, by most means, who I am.

However, who I want to be is pretty drastically separate from that. I know a version of me that I can try and project but will always fall short of. I want to learn and enjoy makeup. I want a larger wardrobe of clothes that I genuinely like. I want to learn an instrument. I want to get into streaming games for fun. I want to be able to take my friends out to dinner and buy them gifts and go around the city with them. I have so many ideas for tattoos and I have piercings I want to get. There are so many things I want and yet cannot have and have no real avenue to get.

The reason I cannot reach for these (very reasonable) things is because of my lack of capital and personal agency. Extremely debilitating executive dysfunction has stripped me of any milestones of adulthood someone of my age might be seeing. I've never been able to hold a job without growing deeply suicidal due to the effort required. Hobbies cost money. Rent costs money. Expressions of the self cost money. I have always had to exist within the confines of someone else's generosity to take care of me. It has stripped me of opportunities to grow as a person. It has made me less and less who I want to be and more who I am.

All too often because of this people don't take me seriously. Financial burden that I am, I have learned to make myself small better than any other skill. I choke up when asked to assert my wants. I put others first. I'm quiet and guarded. Any strive to make myself the person I want to be feels deeply embarrassing. Like a child who is convinced they're something they aren't. So people who meet me see the child. They see the loser who won't take steps towards employment because they're lazy. They see the girl who orbits a social group but never belongs. They see a nice girl who has far less desirable qualities than the other candidate for this job position. It hurts so fucking bad to be condescended to without any ability to rebut it.

So when does it end? When I find work that won't end up being the death of me? When our government wises up and pushes for UBI or expands upon disability payments? When they invent adderal that doesn't have a million side effects? When I get sick of it and give up? There's no real end in sight, and every time ADHD gets laughed at as a pop-psych joke it gets further away. Am I doomed to be a child forever? When will I see the respect I know I deserve?

And sure, pathologizing behavior is 'bad'. Maybe the answer to all my woes is to grit my teeth harder than I already have been my entire life. Maybe the real reason I see no forward movement is because I'm projecting my own helplessness. But can't it be a little easier? Everyone else is having a rough time, but at least they're having a time. The behavior I exhibit is very normal to neurotypical people on a bad day, but it makes up my entire existence. And it sure feels a hell of a lot more severe than someone having a day of bad focus.

The fucked up thing about it is that I like me. The present me and the me I want to be. We both have so much to offer. We're both one of the best friends you've ever had. We both have skills and qualities that make us very likeable people. But these qualities have little to no monetary value. Any way that I could monetize it would also require investment. Investment that I cannot make without agency. So I'm stuck as a vague bundle of good qualities and talents that everyone sees so much potential in and is eagerly awaiting a moment where I channel it somewhere. A moment that will never occur without agency.

[pleasantspark]

To make it abundantly clear. I do see @chaifootsteps as a friend. A close associate. But it doesn't mean spreading false allegations. Just like the pitchforked. I don't like Proshippers or Zoophiles but I don't obsess over calling Chai out 447744747 times over blatantly disproven claims. And thanks to @doodler16 Chai had delivered on concerns that brought up.

I'm a victim of CSA, Grooming and a plethora of false allegations. To have people freak out about the drawing of a chibi character (I don't really understand the difference between the two. Because Cub is child like and chibi is just miniature. People mistake the two a lot.)

"These came from credible SOURCES!!!!"

The screenshots you are referencing and the anti-chai crowd are getting it from DaniDraws and other problematic Twitter users. The same people who exclusively defended against the things YOU claim CHAI did.

They accused Chai of shit that seems to be out of nowhere. Going off assumptions rather then actual logic. Because the crash outs I see is really fucking telling. You can claim someone is a Murderer for wanting to kill a fictional character and the person accusing them of it would be attacked but THE AUDICITY WHEN I A GROWN WOMAN LIKES CELL, A BUG!!!1! INCECTAPHILLA! YOU'RE A ZOOPHILE!

If you're this butthurt about people TRYING to change maybe I don't know? Ignore them. This drama all started because people genuinely can't take a hint and solve this shit in private. And no it's not because "Ohhh I couldn't contact them bc their DMs are private" its really dumb af because this person could've asked someone else to help them contact them, which shows you DIDN'T want to handle it.

I'm sorry if I am laying Heavy on this person but I am sick and tired of false allegations that were proven by the accusee of being false or warped or even worse misconstrued being used around. If you have a problem with someone, go to them. Refusing to confront them but rather call them out as the various people (Newsflash some people who are criticizing them in your Anon Box/Reblogs are on the side of the Stans so they will OF COURSE overexaggerate claims.) who I see are COWARDS who can't even leave a message or go to me to sort an arrangement out, FOR THE LOVE OF SATAN HIMSELF, I have a server where you can sort this shit out.

Some of you are what? in your 20s? Adults? Functioning members of society but you cannot handle talking to people or hiring someone to middleman it? I am genuinely embarrassed of you guys, perpetrating false allegations and pushing the guilty by association just for PEOPLE trying to educate you? No, none of you should be critics at all if you're gonna act like stans, if you disagree and still believe Chai is guilty after his clarifications, then fine by me. No one's gonna change your mind. I just find it time consuming and all in all stupid to continue to focus on shit NO ONE really cares about or just finding more reasons to hate.

Sounds like stans amiright? So whenever you cross a post that has some allegations, don't go get the pitchforks, consider it as false before proven. You are not helping the case, and Tumblr is going to become the next coming of Twitter if we all don't treat allegations as skepticism. Goodnight, and this is my final message.

[darklinaforever]

Even before Charlie, she (Claudia) wasn't calling him (Lestat) "papa" but the lesser "uncle" indicating a lesser connection. Add to that Lestat's intense resistance to even making her, suggests that he is withholding his affection.

Just... what the fuck ? 😂

Claudia calls Lestat uncle it's mainly because of society outside (because Louis and Lestat unsuccessfully try to pass off their relationship as brotherly).

And otherwise... Claudia considered herself as the daughter of Lestat ? She literally tells him at one point that she is no longer his child anymore but his sister companion. That he is not his uncle or her dad now either. And that in the end of her life, Claudia looked at Lestat like a child looks at her father. So, in fact, Claudia considers herself effectively as the Lestat's daughter, all the same as for Louis. Claudia even considers that she was brought back to life by their blood, to both.

And I remind that even though she said Louis was her favorite, that she and Lestat had a lot in common. They even literally have a nickname among themselves (without Louis) for human blood.

Moreover, on several occasions the show shows that Lestat seems to understand and know Claudia better than Louis on certain things (he is the one who notices the dark changes in her, understands that she is a predator, that she does not starve, etc).

Lestat is also the one who teaches Claudia to drive, to be a good predator (because he sees clearly that on this point she has nothing to do with Louis), he doesn't want Claudia to be limited about her nature, he essentially made subtly her sexual education, that they should not mix too much with humans, etc.

The story also spends its time reminding us that Claudia is indeed Lestat's daughter (that she is their daughter to him and Louis, Louis daughter, Lestat daughter, she was even called in the show Claudia de Lioncourt specifically, that they are her parents) and that she resembles him. That they are very similar to each other.

Their connection is maybe less tender than that of Louis and Claudia but no less strong (and certainly not because she calls him uncle).

And uh... wtf ? Lestat's refusal to make Claudia has nothing to do with a lack of affection for her (he don't even know her in that moment), or even a future lack of affection / love for her, but simply because it was forbidden by law and because he knew very well what he was condemning Claudia to if he transformed her ?!

At that moment, it was even Lestat who had more consideration for Claudia than Louis. Lestat thought about Claudia's future, while Louis only thought about himself and what Claudia could bring him and the guilt he felt. Lestat cares, Louis should care but doesn't.

Yes, Lestat didn't want Claudia at first, but he grew to love her anyway over time (and I know season 3 will prove me right about the fact that he loved her).

However, it is clear that he loved Louis the most, but that is something that also applies to Louis. They were both extremely shitty parents.

Lestat and Claudia then began to hate each other because they saw themselves in each other, because they were too similar. Something they can't stand because they partly hate themselves.

And also because Lestat was afraid that Claudia would take Louis from him, which he couldn't stand because of his abandonment issues. Not to mention that big episode when she put their lives extremely in danger with her murders in New Orleans (with was the first big divide on Lestat's side for his relationship with Claudia).

And for Claudia, also because she was stuck in a body too young for her mind (fault of Louis and Lestat equally), that Lestat did not want to create a companion for her (at the same time he is not going to transform someone close to Claudia's physical age a second time obviously, and she herself is aware of the atrocity of her own condition), that he said she was a mistake (which is sadly not technically wrong), that he have a mistress (a post on why Lestat had this affair with Antoinette would be interesting to do elsewhere), and because apart from telling her that vampires from the outside are dangerous (the simple true by the way) and nothing else about them, which annoys her knowing that she absolutely wants to meet them, because she is less and less able to tolerate life in the company of only her parents, which is understandable.

Their relationship became very toxic (something that could perhaps have been mitigated if Lestat had been better at least in simple communication, even with Louis himself). But that didn't stop the love from staying somewhere until the end between them, even with the hate present.

[bloogers-boogers]

THIS. I’m glad you’re feeling more free to discover new things about yourself! It feels nice to have control of your own path without someone dragging you to theirs. I discovered a lot of things about myself that I never consider having, happening or experiencing when I decided to stop listening. However I’m lucky I was never forced to be religious I was lightly encouraged to follow one if I wanted to however I was never put in schools or forced to go to church. It was all willingly, there was a point in my life that I went leaping into different religions (to find some sorta place to belong to, to feel understood?) until I felt comfortable in one (christianity) but as much as I felt comfortable in the church I was at, I never felt connected to the words of the bible. Or the belief of a god. But they’re moments I do question it, from the religions I’ve been, there certain things I kept following without much of a care. Just cause it doesn’t hurt to believe in something if it gives a good message? Makes you do good. This is the idea I followed most of my life when it came to religion. I may have a hard time believing in whats shared from different beliefs but I do believe in good faith. I no longer follow a religion however if I’m asked I would simply answer that I haven’t been connected to god in a while. Im not saying I stopped believing but im also saying im not really interested in talking about it. But that doesn’t stop that I was surrounded by people with conservatives views and opinions that affected the way I thought as a child. A reason to why im also careful in how I say I don’t believe in religion, MAYBE a god, but not religion. They’re people who’ll force it to you with corrupted ideals,beliefs or whatever (like fucked up people) which entirely goes against the whole message of god. Who are we to judge someone based on their race, gender or sexuality. If god were real I doubt he’d care, he loves all his children. Base on the church i was at I was told you’re only ready to be forgiven if you’re ready to accept god into your heart. Nothing else. I wasn’t pushed to accept him, to be there or to follow a way some pastor declare were the right things to do. There was no rules but to respect others, be kind, and spread the word of god to anyone who needed it. Everyone was welcomed there. The moment they changed pastor I immediately felt a different vibe from the previous, I felt pressured to speak about the lessons we were being taught about and I didn’t like how he’d preached. I wasn’t comfortable. It felt forceful. Religion felt like a joke and god felt so far away from me. So I bailed, I was already distancing myself from that church because of other problems and this just made it easier for me to leave.

And now I just follow what my heart wants to believe! I believe in whatever the afterlife takes me to, in the meantime I enjoy what life offers me. Or at-least try to. The moment someone uses god as an excuse to be an asshole I cringe so hard because fuck no. Those are beliefs from man, not god.

So yeah, I don’t care if it’s a sin to obsess about fictional characters (nswf drawings, smut fics, sexualizing a character, fantasying about said character, etc), not following a religion, to explore myself, be queer! Have no idea what the hell am I in gender terms. Call me weird, tell me I’m going to hell! I don’t care, it won’t change how I think or see the world. I feel comfortable in how things are currently within my thoughts of faith. That’s what matters.

I’m happy that you’re in better more comfortable place ❤️ sorry for the long ranting! I didn’t think I’d fall back into talking about my religion problem

Adamsapple has made more comfortable in exploring sex topics, be more comfortable in my body (explore it further), being more open to showing off some of my skin, not feeling ashamed in feeling sexy or wanting to, but also like made me more comfortable in drawing sex. Something I thought I’d never stop feeling ashamed or embarrassed on doing. If this ship has damaged my brain it also damaged my insecurities and conservative beliefs taught as a child that have only brought me unhappiness, shame and anxiety. I love you Lucifer and Adam 🥺❤️