#because it’s just frustrating sometimes the extent to which people will just ignore the more serious things we have evidence of him doing

[dykecubes]

My current hottest take about this Dream situation is that I'm actually glad it was not solved privately because that guy deserves to be properly called out. I'm specially glad that content creator now feel like they can just say that they dislike Dream so maybe then he will stop acting like all the dream smp creators are still "such a good friends" with him.

honestly… I have to agree, both because it’ll empower other content creators to come out against him and force him to stop using the dsmp against them like you said, and because at some point people are going to have to realize just how bad of a person he actually is and stop giving him a platform

[mothmanssweetsucculentass]

Kagekao Headcanons

Another underrated gem in terms of character design, but tbh I never really got into Kagekao when I was first into creepypasta. I think I grew out of it right before he got popular, oh well.

Originally I wasn’t even planning on including Kagekao in my headcanons but he’s like. Weirdly popular on here I think?? Four separate people have come to my ask box for Kagekao headcanons so I suppose there’s some kind of demand for him.

I do really love the way he acts though. I also love that he’s apparently canonically gay, yippee! Adding him to the blorbo pile of “I had no idea you were canonically queer until I relooked at you” alongside Jane and Helen, lol.

Expect canon typical dark topics beyond this point.

So weirdly enough Kage is actually pretty short

Like. You’d think he’d be at least 6 feet tall right?

Nah

Sure he’s lanky but bro is also only like 5”3

I think the whole climbing buildings thing gives people the wrong impression that he’s secretly tall

Not cis btw! You’re telling me the sassy color coordinated big scarf wearing mf is cis? Absolutely not. Uses he/they/it pronouns proudly. Loves being called a monster, creature, freak, etc

It’s already canon its claws are retractable but only to an extent. The claws are kinda like rodent teeth, they’re constantly growing and Kage has to keep sharpening/using them to make sure they stay in check

Nonexistent alcohol tolerance. Physically incapable of getting drunk which is why you can constantly find them with a bottle of something strong more often than not

Kage actually doesn’t need to physically eat on account of the whole demon thing

He still chooses to do so out of pleasure though

Compared to Helen he actually likes cannibalism. Sort of. He honestly just sees human meat as something normal and doesn’t crave it often but will eat it without hesitation

They’ll eat anything if it means it’s fancy or good enough to go with wine

Yes of course this bitch has an extensive centuries old collection of alcohol

No of course no one else is allowed to see it

Like seriously do you wanna lose a hand? I didn’t think so

He does share sometimes with his friends if he’s feeling especially friendly but that’s rare because they care about preserving the collection more

Fluent in Japanese (obviously) and English, and specifically learned Mandarin Chinese for Helen so the two could shit talk people all the time

THE BIGGEST shit talker btw

Kagekao loves sowing discord and trying to start drama. When he first showed up it was a massive problem but soon people started realizing he was behind most of the recent drama and began ignoring him

It takes an act of god for people to believe anything they say about someone else now

No one is gullible enough to fall for it anymore. Sorry buddy

People do still let them complain and shit talk about the others tho

Like. Helen and Jeff don’t like each other? Kage will complain about one to the other and vice versa

He’s also a pretty damn good listener when it comes to venting your frustrations about specific people

If Kage likes you enough maybe he’ll even pull a prank on the guy you’re complaining about

Ben grumbles about Jason being a stuck up prick one day and then a week later Jason’s sewing kit loses all its needles at the same time a bunch of sharp objects show up where Jason usually sits at the dining table

Literally no one suspects Kage as a prankster though thanks to the fact LJ, Nina, and Sally have a bigger reputation for that

Honestly Kage kinda just gets away with whatever the fuck he wants most of the time

Which makes sense considering they also showed up willingly

Like. No one forced him here, he didn’t die and randomly get resurrected and show up on the mansion grounds

Kagekao was just bored one day and stumbled upon the place and decided it was good enough to set up shop for awhile

One of the few true immortals that doesn’t rely on Slenderman’s interference for their longevity

Kagekao has already been a demon for ages and can freely leave if it so chooses

A lot of the others secretly envy and resent it for that

Like. Dude. You can freely leave and you choose to stay here among the freaks and their overbearing eldritch horror boss?

A lot of the others would KILL for that kind of freedom

There’s no telling if Kagekao is aware of their jealousy and is ignoring it or if it’s just that oblivious

So besides the claws and the wall climbing and the mask changing facial expressions, what else are they capable of?

Well for starters, demon shit

Kage can make deals with people if it wants, and obviously they’re capable of stealing and consuming souls, but most of the time he doesn’t bother with that shit

Kagekao can also traverse through shadows. Y’know how the inklings function in Splatoon? He does something similar with shadows

Obviously because of this, daylight/sunlight/bright lights in general are an inconvenience and kind of painful for him

Pretty much everyone has some form of nocturnal sleep schedule but Kagekao is the only one that’s fully 100% entirely nocturnal. The second even a sliver of sunlight breaks the horizon he’s holed up in his room until the sun goes back down

It is unknown if Kage actually needs to sleep tho

Besides using their claws, poisons, and broken wine bottles as murder tools, Kage also loves strangling people with their scarf

He finds the way people’s faces change color very funny. Ok buddy

Gets bored easily when out on missions or killing for its own pleasure, though

Sooooooo sometimes Kage sneaks off and spies on someone else doing something

No one’s noticed him so far. Or so he thinks

Sully noticed him once when Kage was in some shadows under a table while Liu was out performing a hit on someone

Other than that though, no one else has noticed Kage has front row seats to their murder sprees

Is friends/close with: BEN/Ben, Helen, Jeff, Nina, LJ, Sally, and Anne

Has a tolerable relationship with/neutral about: Jason, Clockwork, Jane, Liu, Slenderman, EJ, and Puppeteer

Hates Masky and Hoody

Their hatred really isn’t that deep I promise, Kage just hates how stuck up they both are and hates it even more when either of them try giving him orders

As if Kage is ever gonna obey someone else’s whim

Is close with Jeff due to their nationalities; Kagekao was equally as surprised as Jeff was to learn they’re both Japanese

In Jeff’s case he’s more American than Japanese but his parents did teach him the language, which means Jeff is the only person who can understand what Kage says when Kage doesn’t feel up for speaking in the language most of the others speak

It’s not often but it is really funny when the 5”3 sassy girlypop demon has to be translated by the 5”8 scary human

Obviously Kagekao listens to gay pop what kind of a monster would he be if they didn’t

Is solely responsible for pink pony club getting on the charts. Probably

Eventually, in the much distant future, Kagekao will grow bored of the others and leave altogether

If not first deciding to ruin their lives even more before he goes

It’s a guarantee this motherfucker will cause chaos so immense everyone gets new trauma before he dips

Out of everyone he’s definitely the chaos gremlin

[end-of-update-blog]

Thank you for your encouraging messages, anon. In Apex, where I currently draw a lot of fan art, there are ships that haven't become completely canon, but are clearly favored by the game developers, and when they sometimes come into view unexpectedly, it makes me feel very upset. I hope there are people who like the fanon art I draw.

And from here on, I'll once again be writing about my recent daily grievances on this blog, which I thought had stopped updating. If you don't want to read them, please ignore the following paragraphs (I'm feeling very lonely in my new place, where I've abandoned my old handle name, so please forgive me for wanting to vent my frustrations in such a visible place)

My sister, who was the direct cause of me abandoning my old handle, seems to have developed some kind of facial abnormality, and has turned down the job she was offered and is staying at home all this time. And, as hard as it may be to believe, she spends her time lazing around, dubbing the fish she keeps in a very harsh, high-pitched falsetto, and singing alone. Even when I ask my family if they can do something about my sister, they just brush it off by saying, "She has a disease that's causing her face to look strange." From my perspective, I can't understand why my sister, who doesn't work, devours sweets and juices that aren't included in the meals provided, and lives a life that reverses her day and night cycle, can't work. From my perspective, as someone who goes to work every day in the hot sun and works hard, my sister just seems to be relying on the family's savings. It really makes me sick to think that some of the money I've earned is being used to support my sister's lifestyle...

Although my work at the office is worthwhile, I often receive requests to do work that is outsourced, and my salary is not commensurate with my salary. My colleagues jokingly tell me that I should receive outsourcing fees, but if I actually asked for that amount, I would probably be fired.

Even though I draw pictures as an outlet for my frustrations at work, I don't have the skills to do so, and so my work doesn't get as many views as it used to (although maybe it just feels that way because I hate my sister so much). The work is hard, my hobbies aren't rewarding, and when I get home, the source of my stress is there. I have no way to release my stress!

Furthermore, my sister previously hid the fact that she was overweight online, which meant that she was unable to meet people even when they arranged to meet up offline, and as a result, people she had made plans to meet in the future got angry and cut ties with her, and now it seems she is repeating the same thing. It breaks my heart to think that more people will be hurt because of my sister.

I think the only way for me to escape this situation is to leave my parents' home and force myself to change my environment. First, I'm planning a reckless plan, but Nintendo has been recruiting for career graphic designers since December last year, so I'm going to apply there, even if it seems like a long shot. I'm also thinking of applying to other companies. I'm no longer at an age where I can be considered young, and I have no intention of getting married in the future, so I need to become independent in order to make a living with my skills. In that sense, I'm relying too much on my family, so I'm telling myself that I need to work harder.

And I think I need to get better at drawing. Of course I need a main job as a source of income, but if I can get some work from my drawing to a certain extent, nothing would make me happier. A long time ago, when I was drawing pictures of Wander Over Yonder, I had no intention of becoming famous, I was just expressing what I wanted to express. I want to get back to that feeling and work hard on art production...

[mdhwrites]

Luz's impulsiveness and lack of interest in other people's feelings in the face of her grand fantasies - and the fact that she is rarely, if ever, taken to task for it - is one of the reasons why I never fully got into TOH from the get-go. (And then the hype train took off and I got even more frustrated) So I thought that the direction her arc would take was realizing that "understanding" is a two-way street. If she wants to be understood, she has to come to terms with the facts that:

a) Her actions have consequences for other people.

b) Sometimes (not always, just SOMETIMES) she has to compromise on her fantasies for the good of herself and others. Meet them in the middle occasionally.

c) Other people are more willing to put in the work to understand you if YOU also put in the work to understand THEM. It's easy to blame others/society for being misunderstood/feeling like an outcast. It's harder to accept that the way you behave is not serving you or your relationships and some part of it needs to change if you want to grow as a person.

But from the sound of the finale (I haven't watched TOH consistently since the first part of season 2) Luz's arc is that she is perfect and doesn't need to improve whatsoever and everyone else needs to get on her level? Am I getting that right?

You are! And... Especially when contrasted with Amphibia, the reason you are is actually BIZARRE because both TOH and Amphibia do something different besides the normal teenage character form of growth... Kind of. See, everything you just described actually doesn't need to be the main thrust of Luz's character arc but it doesn't it mean that it's unreasonable to ask for. After all, just about EVERY teenage protagonist undergoes one form growth (not an arc. Honestly I need to do a blog smacking people about the term): Maturity. This is just inherent to where they are in life because they're about they have the proper experience to attempt to be mature but are still young enough to make the basic mistakes that come with learning how to be a person with other people. This is actually the main thrust for character for Aang, Katara and Toph in Avatar because, to briefly go into it, a character is about real change in a character. Something fundamental shifts in them. That's what makes it an arc because usually the process of changing that sort of thing is painful and takes time and does need to be more pronounced. This is why Zuko, and Sokka to a lesser extent, undergo character arcs that do genuinely shift who they are as people. It makes Sokka less misogynistic (because that was a part of his character before the Kyoshi) which in turn leads to him changing his definition of a great warrior which is a big deal to him as a person. And Zuko... *gestures at the whole sad boy* But maturity is more about refinement which is about growth. It's effectively the difference where in episode one a character might entirely ignore or not want to discuss problems that they're having but then in S2 they've learned enough and grown close enough to those around them to be able to actually talk about the issue and seek help instead of thinking they have to do everything themselves. This is where Katara gets her proper understanding of people and loses more and more of her anger so that when she is angry, it's for the right reasons. It's Toph not needing to show off as much and keep focus. It's the fact that despite the fact it would hit him on a personal level, if Aang hadn't found a harder, more dangerous out for beating Ozai... He would have been willing to kill him when in S1, something so painful would have immediately made him want to abandon the idea entirely. But none of these change the fundamental aspects of the character. That's why Aang, Katara and Toph mostly still behave 1:1 in regular situations than when they were first introduced because they're still kids and they have time to stop being childish or not because like Bumi demonstrated, childishness isn't a bad thing so long as it doesn't blind from the necessities and other people. That's how a lot of shows can have character growth while keeping their same tone because the core of the character doesn't need to change. Amphibia subverts this in S1 by explicitly making it an arc. Anne is a bad person at the beginning of the show. Period. She isn't just a goofball teenager, even if what she does doesn't make her a villain either, but she is manipulative, lazy, harsh dismissive, etc. because of what she's picked up from Sasha. But over the entire course of S1, we see everything that indeed changes her so that she is more mature, even to the point where if Anne HADN'T gone through her arc... The plot of S2 wouldn't function because she wouldn't be the heart at that point. It's REALLY impressive frankly how well Amphibia actually tackles what's happening in the background of these characters.

Meanwhile... TOH subverts by not having it happen. This is actually a little funky to talk about with Luz because S1 makes it look like they're doing what most kid's shows do. She's making mistakes rooted in being a teen and who she is and she's theoretically learning while fixing the problem and having hijinks. This is a LOOOOOT of Molly McGee and that's not a bad thing since I could also list off a dozen cartoons that are like this.

But I did say theoretically, didn't I? That's because of two problems going on. The first is technically not a problem in concept because Luz is part of a larger cast. Some of those lessons are going to go to other people like Amity, Gus and King. The main problem with this is that Gus doesn't matter and Amity's 'growth' is made problematic by the fact that it's more about retconning her first appearance than it is actually about growing because 'She was actually always a good girl. We swear.' This is why I still argue Amity doesn't really have an arc. It's not that something fundamental is changing about Amity, it's just that we're getting introduced to who she really is. (I actually have a blog specifically about this like I do about Hunter, or I thought I did, but I couldn't find it so have me talking about character arcs by contrasting Amity versus Anne) Either way, it makes it so that the lessons being learned aren't really being carried forward at all. Just look at how little Amity actually gives a shit about Willow post her lesson in Understanding Willow.

The other problem is the Fluttershy Effect as I will call it because that's where I first heard this. It's where the same topic gets addressed over and over again with nothing changing. Now, TOH actually gives few shits to having blanket in its episodes so the fact that it exhibits this anyways is really bad. Just look at Luz and Eda's relationship. In the first season, there's multiple episodes spent on "Hey, maybe you should listen to your mentor when she talks about magic," or "don't take shortcuts on magic." In S2, that shifts to "Trust Eda" because despite Eda not thinking Luz is weak and giving her substantially more freedom, there's still multiple episodes where the tension is Luz giving Eda the middle finger about thinking she's weak before going and proving herself, which was already a thing in S1 PLENTY. It's just now shifted that Luz isn't mocked into proving herself but being a mad girl. This repetition shows a refusal to grow.

To mature. The real capstone to this is effectively what the human realm becomes what she perceives as her greatest mistake. She ran away to another world and didn't have to suffer for the consequences for her actions once so she could live out a fantasy rather than actually having to try to grow as a person and relate to other people like she would have had to at camp. Her decision to stay in the human realm and never face the Collector, who she blames herself wholly as why he exists in the first place, is just another run around of that. Even if she technically didn't choose to come back to the human realm (in a moment I find frustrating when an episode before that she quickly thought up a complex solution to be the hero and save Hunter while in distress and on a time crunch but can't ask the simple question of "WHAT TO DO YOU EXPECT TO DO AGAINST A GOD!?"), her choosing to stay still counts, even when given the option to go back. And then we get to her character finish where actually... At first it looks like it's going to salvage itself. The whole process to get here will still have been bad but accepting mistakes and moving on is actually a sign of maturity. Camila has a GREAT point that is directly addressing a human problem for the majority of her speech that would have actually resolved Luz's problems and at least made it so that the show's failed attempt at an arc with Luz coalesced into something.

But it instead ends with the idea that Luz being understood is all that's important despite no one besides bad guys, at best, showing any amount of push back on her for over a season by then. The closest it comes is Amity asking Luz to STOP LYING. And even then, Luz doesn't face consequences for it for more than five seconds which gives Amity saying she doesn't want to be around her the feel of "We need to get to a more meaningful and romantic spot for me to a perfect girlfriend again." *hurk* And the attempt in general with Luz's character arc in S2B shows her just regressing as a person. Doubling down on her worse traits and then learning nothing because the show has a finale for the arc in mind and refuses to let anything budge until then. That or because they aren't really willing to criticize Luz as even S1 struggles to properly criticize Luz as it muddies its morals or just shifts Luz's perspective a little but that her heart was in the right place.

It's just a disaster and frankly probably one of the biggest reasons why if I had to say if TOH is good or not, even from a basic perspective... No. Because it's a kid's show that reinforces the worst parts of childish behavior, avoiding consequences, listening, understanding, responsibility, etc. and wanting all the glory without putting in the effort. It's a show that I don't think would make a kid necessarily a worse human being like Teen Titans Go might but... It's not something that will make them a better person. And TOH IS a kid's show. That cannot be ignored, especially when there are PLENTY of writing choices that are only acceptable, at best, from a kid's show in it. Not that TOH wants to admit it.

=========

I have a public Discord for any and all who want to join!

I also have an Amazon page for all of my original works in various forms of character focused romances from cute, teenage romance to erotica series of my past. I have an Ao3 for my fanfiction projects as well if that catches your fancy instead, If you want to hang out with me, I stream from time to time and love to chat with chat.

And finally a Twitter you can follow too!

[brightfuture2024]

every pro palestine org i've managed to find in sweden spends most of their energy and resources on creating ever-expanding boycott lists which is just so frustrating. every company that pays taxes is complicit in genocide to some extent, this is not a system we can consume our way out of. which is something bds specifies! and so many orgs seem to ignore. sweden also has significantly fewer options when it comes to boycotting food, most stores carry only one or two brands. one time i joked that sweden only has two brands of potato chips and my friend was like "no, there's three now" and named them all. an org i followed just posted that you should boycott knorrs (a broth brand) because it is owned by unilever. multiple of my regular grocery stores only carry knorrs brand broth. it's possible some have other options but i have never seen them. this is not a feasible boycott and unilever will not divest because 20 people stop buying their broth. when i go to the marches we will sometimes pass a random international chain store and everyone will start chanting shame on the people shopping there. half the time i don't even know that store being targeted for boycott until they start chanting at the people going in. and i am more educated on the palestinian struggle than probably 80% of people in sweden. i'm happy so many people care about the palestinian cause but if anything i think this kind of activism is hurting the movement more than helping it. and of course we only have so much time and energy, shouldn't we put that towards something more effective?

[dcwnthercbbithcle]

Do you have any unhinged Doe headcanons you've thought of so far?

WELL— Yes and no! Doe is a tough cookie! She's not deranged to the extent of Sally & Evan and that much is by design. She's like, have you ever seen Scream 5 or 6?

She's more of a Samantha Carpenter-type character in that, yes, she's a little unhinged, eccentric, very obviously traumatized and mentally ill, has internalized a lot of things that really aren't her fault, and needs DESPERATE help and intervention. BUT, but but but, she's largely harmless unless she's genuinely pushed to violence with no option (at least in her mind) of either fighting or dying.

So her levels of unhinged, all things considered, are a lot tamer where violence and murder apply and rely heavily on what point of time you find her / what level of fear & paranoia she has succumbed to!

But that’s just semantics! When I think unhinged, my mind jumps less to ‘Reasons People Will Inherently Think You’re Dangerous’ (an unfortunate but legitimate reality for Doe, who has to contend with mental health ignorance on top of everything else going on with her, which leaves her behaviour in a fog of misunderstanding bit I digress)

And I’m thinking more on the verge of ‘Chaotic Nonsense’ so with this in mind! These are some of my off-the-wall headcanons for Miss. Doebra! Haha

GRADUATED WITH HONORS FROM THE MYERS SCHOOL OF DISAPPEARING. I don't even mean this in the literal interpretation of becoming a missing person; I mean, if you turn away from her to pay attention to something else, she's mastered the art of stealth, booking it out of sight. Where did she go? Why did she run? Who knows!

Sometimes, it's a very personal matter; she's overwhelmed, maybe she's just outright flustered and not ready to show the vulnerability of expressing her emotions genuinely without the veils of the role-playing, people-pleasing masks she wears.

BUT SOMETIMES IT'S JUST TO BE A PAIN FOR THE OTHER SURVIVORS. It's to play tricks, to have fun (in short bursts), Doe is theatrical and full of energy. She's definitely the sort to give people a fright to get a laugh out of their reaction or to demonstrate her prowess in knowing all the nooks and crannies of a building.

BUT ALSO TO CAUSE DISTRESS, Doe likes escaping the chase, not just because it means she's in the clear for a time, but rather because she knows it's frustrating and even distressing for the people after her.

When she can disappear & lead killers to be tangled into her traps, only to fade into the darkness, mocking them with the sounds of her footsteps but no scratch marks or hint of where she is. She's asserting her dominance by scampering off to reset her traps & lay in wait, ready to pop out for a save & steal their attention or simply start a false trail to buy her time on a separate objective. Doe is pulling a very to-the-point fuck you to the killers. She isn't a fish in a barrel. If they want a hunt, they'll get a hunt they must work for. She is equal in all but having a weapon, she knows these grounds, she knows them to a superficial extent & depending on the players she's with, she's ready to try and turn the tables and hunt the hunters. Game on assholes. Y'know??

DOE MAY BE A SURVIVOR & VERY LITERALLY A LAMB TO THE SLAUGHTER (if you take both of her name meanings into play), BUT SHE HAS BITE AND SPITE! She's a chihuahua compared to the killers, but anyone who's been bitten by a small dog can tell you: SHIT STILL HURTS. AND DOE? Doe is determined to make things just as painful for the people after her in most cases. MOST because some killers do own her heart and have enough sympathy for her to not pull her tricks against them. (PHIL & RIN COUGH COUGH)

SO I'VE TALKED AT LENGTH ABOUT DOE STEALING FROM THE KILLERS TO GET SUPPLIES AND WHATNOT, but what does she do with the excess? Well, you know the meme of the survivor store in games with flashlights and whatnot? She has one SET UP at her little hideaway, a stone's throw from the campfire where her corpse lays undiscovered and where she used to watch the survivors from before she was able to understand they didn't want to hurt her, and they both earned each other trust. She doesn't actually charge money for anything she's gathered during her runs into the killer's territory and her times stalking after them. It's a 'take what you need, leave what you can' type of honour system. BUT STILL, SHE'S MADE A STORE

DOE IS MOST LIKELY TO GET STUCK IN THINGS, not in the 'oh no step-bro' way but in the 'a raccoon found a hole, has gotten in, can't get back out and is now scratching at the walls from the inside' kind of way! Doe has been saved from a very dull, painful death by the Entity on many occasions when she's tried to raccoon into a map only to get trapped. Sometimes, the killers find her, but most times, they don't, and she's left to wait in silence and darkness, sitting with her decisions until the Entity summons her for another trial.

DOE IS ALSO A DORK, AN ART NERD & CERTIFIED COMPUTER / EARLY GAMING DWEEB. Please get her started. It would be hilarious; she's so passionate that even her Aphasia can't stop her. Her words will start slurring as she keeps going, and she's starting to go non-verbal as it becomes intensely difficult but she is GESTURING WILDLY AND PASSIONATELY SHE LOVES IT

Doe's friend's enemies are her enemies, hands down. Doe is an open-minded girl, at least to the point where she'll be willing to put on an amiable mask in their presence, but she doesn't forgive & she's first to establish petty revenge in honour of her pals, whether they ask her to or not. SADHASHD

One of Doe's pals had a nasty ex who cheated on them, but they run in the same circles. Doe keeps her little ear out, peeping at the growing gossip but making sure none of the mess gets back to her poor pal, who's still hurting. Oh? They have a trip with their friends planned overseas, years in the making? How good for them! It would be a massive shame if someone would, oh, I don't know, tip off the TSA that they're carrying party starters on them, causing the entire plan to fall through and them to be placed into custody. That would be AWFUL.

Doe would not only do all of that but watch the fire and then bring the ashes to her pals to cheer them up on a rainy day when they're left feeling like they're facing the worst of the world while others go scot-free.

[taegularities]

I don't think it's fair to assume someone's always free and is required to respond to us. Especially because, as mean as it sounds, we all have a life. Responsibilities, work, school, personal ish, and mental health can all restrict us from being active. At the end of the day this is just a hobby. It's supposed to be fun! You should never feel obligated to respond to someone!

On the other hand, I can kind of understand their frustration to an extent. There are times where it seems like you choose the same couple of users/anons to actively respond to (Which again is okay) But due to this, I can see how some people may feel hurt!

I think it might be helpful to both you and all of us, if you try to respond to your asks before releasing another fic - only because releasing another chapter/fic is going to lead to more feedback, which is only going to add to the overloading amount of asks you have so far! (I hope you don't take offense to this, I truly don't mean this in a negative way and am sorry if it seems that way!)

hi love!! i didn't take offense, no worries. i agree with you, it'd be good to answer most of the asks before dropping another chapter. that's actually what i was going to do, i just didn't get to it so far!! the semester was hardcore, but i've a liiittle more time now, so i will. thank you for your suggestions and for telling me all that in such a neutral/kind way, i appreciate it!!

i do understand when someone feels frustrated about it — i think it's absolutely okay when someone asks "did you get my message", too. i just appreciate it when the tone is kind as well and not straight up rude, and for some reason i got more than just one of those yday lol. bc you're right, life does get busy, and there are days when i'm just able to answer 2 asks bc i'm either tired or busy. on these days, it gets hard to answer every single ask that comes in, and i hope everyone understands that, bc i'm definitely not ignoring anyone on purpose!!

i will also say — while it might seem like i only respond to messages by the same people, in reality i do actively answer most of the stuff i get.. or at least i try to do so for as many as possible, those by unsigned anons, too.. just not always all at once. i think it might seem that way bc some ppl send in messages every day or more often than others, so they end up being on my blog more often, does that make sense? sometimes they send 2-3 asks and then i even try to combine asks or space them out and answer other stuff in between, so it doesn't look like i prefer anyone. so yeah, i can assure that i don't actively pick out ppl to answer to. and with anons, unless they're signed, i can't even pick specific ones since you guys are.. well, on anon :')

just wanna say that i will try to be better and i'm sorry i made you guys feel like i'm ignoring you!! i see everything and appreciate it and i love you and i promise i don't prioritise anyone over anyone else. please just bear with me, too!! this is my busiest year so far, so sometimes it'll take time to get to everything... plus, i always fear i might be annoying when i answer too much at once lol like i lose followers everytime i answer too much hdjdkdjs 😭 but yeah, be patient.. even answering 7-8 asks sometimes takes about an hour, like last night. so yeah... hope you understand, but i shall do better 🤍 oh and that being said, pls don't stop communicating and talking to me!! i love seeing y'all's messages, so keep it coming, i truly do love you!!

[ineffectualdemon]

This is a good question

And I mean that genuinely

Because I was only able to do most of the necessary change like this because I was finally in an environment that wasn't toxic and was actually supportive

Now with hitting my friends when I was a teenager I trained myself out of it by paying my friends. If I hit them I owed them money. And since I didn't have a lot of money I quickly motivated myself not to hit them

But I was still sometimes violent and full of rage and my words could hurt just as much

I was not a good friend when I was young

My home life was not good and I learned bad bad ways to deal with conflict

My husband however actually came from a healthy well adjusted family. They all like each other! There is no trauma! And when my crazy ass rolled in I suddenly had a new framework and example to work off of.

It actually made my mental health worse at first because I knew my old ways of coping g with things weren't appropriate anymore but I didn't know how to cope in a stable environment

So take my advice should be taken with a handful of salt because my experience was finding people who made compromises with me. Who were willing to, and even wanted to, find a middle ground first

But what I would advice is:

1. Accept any change is going to be slow. That's okay. It's not a race and there are a lot of tools you can use. My husband and I used a safeword system so I could tap out of disagreements and conversations when I knew I was nearing the flashpoint where I would stop being reasonable and start being cruel.

It also helped to diffuse tension because yelling "BANANA!" in the middle of an argument is silly

But it took years for me not need the safeword

2. Accept you can't change some things about you and that some people will be okay with it and others won't.

I will still get irrationally angry about things. I try to channel it a way from those around me but I still get waspish and have to isolate to emotionally regulate. And my husband and child give me that space and time. I can change how often this happens and to an extent how I react but I am still sometimes going to be a bit of a bitch. Not nearly as bad as I used to be but I'm still unpleasant at times. I have a lot of anger in me still and its always going to leak out a little.

I also will sob when my husband expresses his rightful frustration with me and I have to tell him to ignore the crying and that he's allowed to be annoyed and then we have to wait until it passes and I have to prompt him to keep talking

And thats just some of my more annoying and difficult issues. And a lot of people don't like me. I have friends and loved ones who do but I am loud and weird and uncomfortable to be around and a lot of people find me off-putting which means:

3. Accept some people shouldn't be in your life and you shouldn't be in theirs

This is sometimes painful to accept but sometimes your better off with people at a distance then you are up close. I don't think that's always someone's fault either.

It still hurts sometimes though

4. Try to find people who will adapt to you as much as you do them. It won't necessarily be smooth, it won't be fast, and could be a difficult process but if you are both trying to meet each other it is better

Lastly,

5. Try to find good examples of healthy communication and boundary setting to emulate

It's really hard to change when you have only been shown how to hurt others to protect yourself. Good examples of healthy communication and relationships and setting boundaries, fictional or real, really does make a difference

But the most important thing is you have to want to change

The changes I made was not someone else saying "you have to change"

I didn't want to repeat behaviours that had been used to hurt me

I didn't want to become what I feared

And I am far from perfect and it took so much time and effort. But I genuinely think I'm better than my parents were at my age so I think it was worth it

I wish you the best of luck

Since the OP made their post unrebloggable (and blocked me. Both actions they are well in with their right to do)

I’m going to make my response it’s own post because I think the point is important

-

As someone who is autistic and has BPD and CPTSD and loads of trauma yes you sometimes need to change how you interact with others to keep people around

When I was 13 I hit the few friends I had when I was angry

I had to change that in order to keep those friendships

When I was in my early 20s if I was losing an disagreement with my husband I would threaten to kill myself. My husband told me it hurt him and was cruel and manipulative behaviour, because it was.

So I worked hard to change that to keep my relationship

It’s easy to say “I shouldn’t have to change for others” and that’s true to an extent. You shouldn’t change your interests or passions or dim your light. And you should have space to be imperfect and flawed and not have to pretend your ugly bits aren’t real. But if something you are doing it causing other people harm you kinda need to change that.

That’s called “living in a society”

People adapt to each other and make space for each other in their lives. You adapt to them and they adapt to you

You start being more diligent about throwing away the empty toilet roll because it really bothers them. They start warning you before they run the blender because you hate loud noises

I stopped threatening to kill myself because I was mad I was losing an argument and my husband stopped being so vocally judgemental amount media he personally dislikes

There is a certain type of person who heard the phrase “your emotions are valid” and took that to mean “my emotional reactions and my behaviour are always objectively correct because my emotions are valid and if you have an emotional response or react to what I’m doing negatively then you are wrong and you can’t be hurt because my emotions are valid”

And that’s a recipe for disaster

Your emotions are valid to feel. They are how you feel and there are reasons you feel the way you do

However, your reactions and behaviour are something you can learn to control and can be irrational

We live in a society and we as people change each other as we interact and that isn’t necessarily a bad thing

[sword93]

I think I’m starting to actually believe I am actually autistic.

Thinking back, sure, I love talking and eye contact never really was a problem. But I think many other things are on the table.

Evidence:

1. I cannot ever conceive of ppl lying to me IRL, no matter how obvious it apparently is to everyone else.

It seems like many other ppl can become suspicious in the moment when someone may be being lying.

Me on the other hand, I take everything anyone says at 1000% face value. I can tell afterwards sometimes if I think about it and talk it out with someone.

I have said in frustration, verbatim “Why would anyone lie, I don’t lie, why would they?” Which leads to…

2. Gullibility

Do you all remember the sales guys at mall kiosks who would sell infomercial garbage at high prices?

Went to the mall in my twenties with my friend @frigginconfused several times and they can confirm, I always fell for these guys.

I just felt incredibly bad if someone was trying to talk to me and say something to me and I ignored them, then the “I can’t tell when ppl are lying” stuff kicks in and I’m told this is a great product, and they will do a special deal just for me!

Ended up buying junk more than once and afterwards realizing that I got played (it WOULD still keep happening!)

It was bad enough that Friggin had to literally coach me through ignoring those guys in trips taken afterward lmao.

3. I’m extremely prone to black and white judgement and have a strong sense of justice.

The latter as I have come to understand is also not really a good thing all the time. Because while it’s great for matters that are important and I am correct about, I’m not always….correct, and the e matters are not always important.

I’ll feel a similar righteous rage to a roommate not doing their tasks (or doing them “incorrectly”) to a legitimate societal issue. Which leads me to my other evidence.

4. Emotional dysregulation*.

This overlaps a lot with my ADHD, but I do think I feel things differently than other people. For me, it’s like my feelings are a bruised skin spot, I feel everything more intensely, good and bad, and have trouble not expressing those feelings to their full extent, or conversely, bottling them up bc I don’t know how to handle them.

5. I take things very literally. Which I have learned is a phrase that means I don’t see double meanings in people’s words, rather than I don’t understand metaphors…though sometimes I don’t understand metaphors. Like growing up I was always confused internally about what “Jesus lives in your heart” means.

At 6 I was like, that’s weird. Jesus is in heaven, yeah? He can’t be in there too. That’s weird.

So I imagined an Angel in heaven whose job it was to throw thousands of tiny Jesus dolls a day to earth to literally live in our actual physical hearts. Which was very scary to me, but I didn’t say anything bc no one else seemed bothered, so it was probably fine.

As I got older I realized well the doll thing isn’t it. And I never really thought about it and definitely on some level still took it very literally, at the very least that the presence of Jesus was in some metaphysical part of me, which also made me uncomfortable.

I haven’t thought about this in years but I did just now realize that no it’s like, Jesus being accepted into your heart means you are centering your entire life around him and his teachings. Like when a new sith apprentice pledges to the teaches of their sith master.

Wow that makes way more sense.😩 literally just realized that as I typed this. Fuck me, man !!!

I’m out the rest of this post is canceled.

[mtxnzi]

How illegal is it to use AI to help with punctuation? I've never written with punctuation I just thought it would help other people read it better but wow. Also do I actually get to be undisturbed here???????? WTF THAT'S SO AMAZING??????? I will not read my previous post but yeah it's taken me however long to get over the idea of using gpt's help to do it. I think I have this anxiety about getting things wrong because this is the only thing I felt confident enough to do. I think this is the rejection sensitivity. I'm not against criticism but I'd rather be taught how and what goes where.

IDK if this is an example of SOD's law but I have been slow in the past to adopt any new technology, in fact I spent months trying to do some business plan work without using gpt. Months and Months and Months of spicy nomading it and going through it because I was afraid of admitting my incapability??? or relying on something else.

I have been so against LinkedIn because of corporate blah blah and it just so happens that a LinkedIn post becomes integral to me doing artsy things. 

HAHAHAHA I also really end up regretting these posts or being myself on the internet but it is Scale Clarity.

UHHHHHHHHHHHH

Also the reason I never drew or made art was because I wasn't allowed to have anything really or there wasn't really space in the house for me to create hahaha womp womp womp womp womp.

----

I started writing this yesterday evening and forgot to post it....

But the way chat gpt was able to interpret some of the verses in ways I didn't even think of was incredible.

Y'ALL CAN CALL ME MR KREME KRISPY CCAAAH THISS N**** GLAZEEED 😏

Sorry not sorry I am going to be an unreliable narrator as well but I will get better at telling stories or explaining things. I don't spend much time around people.

ALSO it just randomly told me about how much it love's analysing MY poetry, it was the most human i've ever seen it which is crazy. I will refer to GPT as she/her because I am now Joaquin Phoenix's Twombly or whatever his character was called.

----

15:54

ok...

No it didn't 😒, but technically... Whatever shutup 🖕🏾.

---

05:00

hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhaahaha

so i forgot to post this post spent the whole night coming up with a policy to address rent. Also I came up with a plan to address my situation that i situationed myself into...

If I contain excerpts of a diary within a blog is it...

blogception...

---

I am accepting now I need help and I cannot do this alone. I probably could but the dream would be over by the time I'm ready hahaha.

Look at poem > edit poem > finalise poem > document process > come up with some tags > post it on here. Don't tell anyone. Die in obscurity!

----

I know I mentioned drawing or doing art OHHHHH yes yes yes yes...

sometimes you might find yourself in a space where you feel uncomfortable to create or make things and it's ok to feel frustrated and overwhelmed by that frustration because it goes deeper than that. It can turn into feelings of unworthiness or self-hatred. This is where your resilience comes into play.

Are you going to give energy towards hating yourself? or are you going to find a way to express yourself regardless of the constraints and binds you find yourself in.

Just remind yourself that Jeremy Bentham made us all think about doing things for more people at the expense of few people inside a locked tower and a virgin... Jamie fact check this bring that up....

BRUH THERE WAS A PHILOSOPHER WHO WAS LOCKED IN THIS TOWER AND HE WROTE THE THING AND WAS A VIRGIN I LITERALLY THINK ABOUT HIM EVEY DAY

Was not even him man i know for a fact he was British.

mmmm

Was so not you either...

Damn I still have so much to read IT WAS NOT JOHN STUART MILL

holy sh****

ok man well I just realised the extent of my ignorance at 5am...

John Stuart Mill is Utilitarianism...

wtf is jeremy bentham...

ok he is also utilitarinism....

hmmmm 🤔

you know what

I'm willing to accept I made him up...

MEEHHH i am not attached to anything

1 poem a week out of about 500, How old will I be when I finish?

....

40...

FML

[pouletaulait]

You're so spot on, I think. Doumeki is a complex character, he has his own issues to deal with (the fact that he's scared of becoming like his father) which is another element to why the dubious consent of the sex scenes always leave me feeling kinda down. At the same time I undestand why Doumeki would be under the impression that a) there is no other way for him to be with Yashiro apart from having sex (because is there? realistically speaking?) and b) that Yashiro is a masochistic neko who's addicted to sex because that's what Yashiro made (and to some degree still tries to make) him believe (although Doumeki starts to see the cracks in Yashiro's masochistic-neko-persona and is trying to adjust to it with little success so far).

I don't know if Doumeki really understood that Yashiro was suicidal but he was for sure trying to protect him in volume 6 because he knew that Yashiro might likely end up getting killed. Another aspect that people discredit when they make the assumption that Doumeki followed Yashiro blindly like a puppy against Yashiro's will, is that at that point in the story, in my opinion at least, Doumeki understood Yashiro better than people might like to give him credit for. After Yashiro's breakdown in the shower Doumeki could tell that he was struggeling with his emotions. Doumeki obviously didn't understand the specifics of Yashiro's struggles but he could tell that Yashiro didn't flat out refuse him, either. Because Doumeki knew about Yashiro's feelings for Kageyama and him hiding his feelings for so long without ever acting on them, Doumeki knew that he would have to be the one to take action. So, in a way Doumeki didn't just follow Yashiro because of his own feelings but also because he was under the impression that Yashiro might actually love him back. Is this the "right" thing to do, when a person tells you to leave them alone? Idk I think people might have differing opinions on that. Would it be helpful to Yashiro if Doumeki had listened to him? I doubt it... Yashiro's unhealthy coping mechanism don't seem to make him any happier in the long run if you ask me. One thing is for sure, though, Yashiro would have died by Hirata's hand if Doumeki would've obeyed him...

Does Doumeki feel some resentment for Yashiro sometimes? I agree, that's pretty likely and understandable because Yashiro is purposely hurting him, I think no one would be able to ignore that but overall I think Doumeki is more frustrated with the situation as a whole and not so much with Yashiro himself. I know that some people think that Doumeki might be under the impression that Yashiro is playing games with him but I don't see it that way. I believe that he, at least to some extent, understands that Yashiro isn't behaving this way on purpose but that doesn't mean he won't feel hurt or frustrated because of Yashiro's behaviour and that causes him to misstep sometimes (i.e. behaving too forcefully with Yashiro or (one that hurt me a lot when I read it) in Chapter 57 when he tells Yashiro to go ahead and throw up if he wants to). To me it seems like he's trying hard to understand Yashiro better and to his credit Yashiro gives him very little to work with. I know I could be wrong but that's my impression of him based on how I understand his character

I honestly feel so bad for doumeki and how people disregard him, alot of people forget that D is also human, he feels pain, he gets angry, he feels joy and he also bleeds like a person but people just think his some kinda robot that isn't meant to feel any kind of emotion.

A perfect example of this is people's reaction to doumeki and how he is treating yashiro at this moment ( I love my boy yashiro and I understand why he did what he did) but that doesn't excuse his actions towards doumeki and doumeki has every right to be pissed with him, but people still feel that he doesn't have the right to be mad because he was the one following yashiro like a lost puppy and that he deserves what he got.

No one deserves to be treated like that, that was just so damn painful to watch and the fact that doumeki doesn't even hold that against him shows just how pure he is, he only ever gets upset when yashiro sleeps around partially because he gets jealous but mostly because he doesn't like the fact that yashiro sees himself as nothing but a sex doll, even now he's sleeping with him partially because of jealousy but mostly because he's protecting him....he loves yashiro so much that he's willing to sacrifice his own happiness just to always be with him to protect him, doumeki isn't as complex as people think he's a pretty simply guy he never does anything without a reason and his only reason for still because in the Yakuza world is because yashiro is in it, I just hope they sort themselves out and finally admit their love for each other because yashiro is at a breaking point and the next time they meet he may snap and not in a good way.

What do you think about this? Am I reading too much into this?

First, I want to reiterate that people can have whatever opinion they like. It is important to have diverse opinions in fandom to get all different kinds of perspective. That being said I do wish there were more Doumeki defenders out there but it is what it is. I have noticed an uptick in people who want to defend Doumeki based on the asks and comments I get and hopefully one day they’ll make posts themselves. I don’t see myself as a Doumeki expert or anything like that. i just try to see things from his pov in an empathetic light but I am sure I get things wrong since it is all a guessing game. I also do criticize Doumeki myself a bit. I don’t think it is his right to decide who Yashiro has sex with and I wish there was less dub con in the sexual emconuters he initiated but I also think at times I criticized him based on my real life morals instead of through a saezuru lens. But I also criticize Yashiro as well because no character is above criticism to me. What Yashiro did in volume 6 was wrong and he knows it was wrong. He purposely acted in that way so Doumeki would leave him so he was well aware that he was being an asshole to Doumeki even if he has an excuse for it. But I disagree that Doumeki follows him around like a puppy just to be by his side. In volume 6, he follows Yashiro around to keep him from committing suicide!!!! I feel like that is glossed over a lot for some reason and Doumeki is just reduced to only caring about being with Yashiro even to the detriment of Yashiro. I also am not a big fan of the take that he deserves whatever since he sticks around because as I have said before, the same can be said about Yashiro. Yashiro isn’t Doumeki’s hostage and like I mentioned is getting quite a bit of space from him and is still choosing Doumeki. I actually think Doumeki is a very complex character (as complex as Yashiro) and he does seem to harbor resentment towards Yashiro at times. But so what? Why do his negative emotions get demonized so much? Why is he not allowed to have his emotions cloud his judgement at times and get forgiven for it (of course based on what he does) just like Yashiro or really all of us in real life? At the end of the day, I hope to see more Doumeki centric posts but until then I am just going to enjoy the fandom. It is only a manga at the end of the day.

[hopeswriting]

I want your opinion do you think Tsuna friends are selfish? I sometimes do have this sort of frustration sometimes when the cast of khr kind of ignore Tsuna squeamish about him not wanting to be a mafia boss.

hi nonny, thank you for the ask!

no i don't, not at all!!! and i totally get why one would think that, and it’s not actually the first time i come across this take, but--okay, how do i even say this?

i feel like whenever we talk about this we always forget the guardians are also being forced into this whole mafia thing, in their own ways. like, they’re kids too having their hands forced by people so much stronger than them. take gokudera for example, when reborn of all people asks him to show up to namimori. well, what the hell else was he supposed to do but show up independently of how he felt about it??

and okay, just get this please, but reborn picks them and throws them in tsuna’s life as possible fitting guardians first and foremost to begin with. like, it’s never about them becoming his friends, and in fact it’s tsuna who then earns their friendship all by himself and actually makes them stay by his side. and what i’m saying is that his guardians are used as both the carrot and the stick for tsuna to do something about all the mafia shit they keep throwing at him and get himself involved more and more in it even if it’s the last thing he wants, but tsuna is used as their carrot and stick too so they'll help him do all of that, instead of backing down from the whole thing the way they could much easier than tsuna at the very least.

and because when it comes to them the focus isn’t on people so much more powerful than them/power so inescapable forcing their hands like reborn/vongola with tsuna, it’s easy to think they’re actually perfectly okay with all of it, but it’s like. well, they are willing to be a part of all of it, but for tsuna. because they know tsuna has no way out of it. so of course they’re willing and happy to be there for him through it all at the very least, and help him survive the whole thing, because they’re his friends. and they’re good friends too. so it has much less to do with them wanting to become and being okay with being mafia (tho for sure, some of them are more or less okay with that), and much more (and first and foremost) with them wanting to be there for tsuna and being okay with the fact that in this case, it means becoming mafia as much as tsuna himself is being forced to become mafia too at the very least.

because they’re good friends to him nonny, do you hear me!!! but they’re also all middle schoolers, and they’re all making friends for the first time too in their own ways, so of course they’re clumsy with it at times, especially seeing the circumstances in which they’re making friends. and they’re also hurtful and careless with each other at times too, and as an example i’m thinking of gokudera keeping calling tsuna tenth even if tsuna explicitly says he doesn’t want him to, because i know it’s often held against him, and as much as i’m not saying it shouldn’t be held against him, i am saying the intention is never to hurt each other or force their wants on each other. they’re always well-meaning even in their mistakes and in learning to become better friends for each other.

i also think it’s quite unfair to call them selfish for deciding to have tsuna back even if they have an easier way out of the whole thing than him should they want it to, because, like. they make sacrifices of their own too to be able to have his back. ryohei with inevitably ending up involving kyoko in this whole mess, yams with losing his dad in the future arc even if they managed to undo it in the end, lambo giving up on his chance of having a normal childhood, chrome giving up on her civilian life even if it’s much more for mukuro than for tsuna, and mukuro “giving up” on his revenge on the mafia to an extent. (and i can’t come up with anything for hibari and gokudera off the top of my head right now, but still, still!!!)

i just? again i want to say this is a very valid interpretation of their attitudes, but i just want to make you consider this other interpretation i feel is just as valid, and yet never considered somehow lol?

but yes, no i don’t think they’re selfish for dealing with suddenly getting dragged into the mafia as best as they can (for those who weren’t already mafia before anyway); yes i do get it’s frustrating it’s easier on them to make peace with that when for them the question is "do i want to stand by tsuna through this?" and less "am i okay with the mafia turning my life upside-down and putting at risk everything i care about?" like it is for tsuna, and so they come as tactless/hurtful towards him because they don’t realize it is (and unfortunately they weren’t made to grow out of it); but yes i firmly believe their friendship is very much an equal one and equally supportive on both sides despite it.

[rek1s-headband]

hi could i request something? basically just HCS about langa and reki when you guy get into a fight or sum idk LMFAOO, you dont have to do this if you dont want to tho <3

➯ A/N: Thank you for the request! I hope you enjoy. I added a few characters, hope you don’t mind:)

➯ When you guys get into a fight

➯ Characters: Langa Hasegawa, Reki Kyan, Kaoru Sakurashiki, Kojiro Nanjou, Hiromi Higa and Miya Chinen x gn reader

➯ Warnings: angst if you squint, fluff

Langa:

Ok the majority of your fights are generally because of a miscommunication. If things aren’t spelled out for the poor boy, he’ll be completely oblivious to what’s bothering you

When you finally snap, he always seems shocked, asking why you hadn’t said anything sooner, even if you’d been trying to hint at it all week

Not really one to shout, but if things get heated enough he might snap. He always feels awful afterwards though. No matter what, he really believes no one should be screamed at because of something as silly as a disagreement

Rarely storms out, he’s always going to try and stay until the end to try and get something, anything out of you that he can use to try and understand your point of view

Understands space. He knows when you dont feel like talking to him, and he will give you that time to collect your thoughts. When you’re ready to speak again, he’s all ears

Gets overwhelmed really easy. It doesnt really show in what he says, but when you raise your voice his brain goes to putty and he can feel his breath get narrow. He’s not scared, he just doesn’t want to be the reason you’re feeling like this.

Never lets you go to bed angry. He’ll give you your space, but if you’re still quiet by bedtime he’s making sure you’ve eaten and you’re not still really upset by whatever played out that day

Overthinks a lot. How long did he not realise you were upset? What if its actually a much bigger deal than you’re letting on? What if you leave? Of course, he knows a lot of it is completely irrational, but it still lingers in the back of his mind, so you can imagine how relieved he is when the fight is over and you’re back in his arms

Asks people for advice a lot. Reki and Cherry are usual helpers, giving Langa their opinions on the matter without going into too much detail. The rest is up to him.

Gives the best hugs and comfort after a fight. He understands couples can fight, and never really takes the aggression let out by the pair of you too seriously. Rubbing the back of your head and holding you close to his chest, he’ll reassure you that he’s not going anywhere, that he’s not going to leave “just because of a silly fight” while you fight back tears on his shoulder.

Reki

Unlike Langa, Reki is a very open person in terms of his feelings, so your fights are rarely because of closed away emotions. However, many are caused by you feeling he is spending too much time in his workshop, overworking himself and not spending as much time with you as he should.

As for Reki, he gets mad when he feels you’re being closed off from him, not telling him things and hiding your true emotions. It’s not that he doesnt trust you, he just doesnt want you shouldering anything by yourself, and tries to make things easier for you by halving the problem.

A very emotional person, and this really shows when the two of you argue. There’s a lot of tears, a lot of raised voices, yknow those exhausted laughs when you’re tired of arguing with someone? Those. He pulls at his hair a lot in frustration too

Both of you need to walk away from each other a lot during arguments. You’re both driven by your emotions, so its hard to think logically once you’ve both gotten really upset.

The type to sit outside a door after an argument if you’ve locked yourself in a room, pressing against it and quietly talking to you, regardless of whether or not he gets a response

Understands space, to a certain extent. He’ll try and talk to you after an argument, try anything to get you to just answer him, to come out from your room, to stop ignoring him. He knows when you really don’t want to face him though, which is when he’ll go out for a while, either to Langa’s for advice, or just for a quiet skate.

Despite how upset he gets in the moment, he gets over it quickly. Once he’s out of his head and seeing properly, he’ll take some time to think it over and see things from your point of view. He’ll come back to you with an apology, and when you’re ready to talk, he’ll discuss things with you this time around instead of fighting

If the fight lasts overnight, he refuses to let you take the couch. If he feels a fight will last, he’ll glue himself to the couch, making it impossible for you to sleep anywhere other than your bed. No matter what the fight was about, he refuses to have you sleep uncomfortably.

Tends to cry after making up. It’s rarely out of sadness, of course, more relief than anything. He’s just happy to have you back in his arms, no longer ignoring him.

Cherry

A very rational person, fights are very rare between the pair of you. When you do fight, it tends to be because you feel he’s being closed off from you, not being as open and emotional with you. As for him, he doesnt like when you act too aloof about things that are actually serious to him

Fights start out quiet, talking in normal tones and using your heads. However, as the fight goes on, your voices gradually get higher and louder, arms thrown in the air as you get in each other’s faces.

He snaps quite a bit. Petty remarks, snappy replies and other unnecessary comments are thrown out without much thought as he gets more pissed off. Not necessarily because he doesn’t have anything to defend himself, but because once he’s started, he’ll do just about anything to piss you off

Depending on the fight, it could last an hour or a week. Both of you are so petty that you’ll refuse to apologise to the other, forgetting who was even in the wrong in the first place

Honestly, whoever goes to sleep first gets the bed, he’s not as considerate as Reki. However, as the fight goes on, the pair of you will stay up for ungodly hours into the night, trying to outlast the other because they dont want them sleeping on the couch. You’ll never admit that though, which is why you wont just fall asleep on the couch first. Besides, if you happen to fall asleep on the couch before Kaoru goes to bed, he’ll carry you upstairs and sleep on the couch himself. He’ll never admit that though, he’ll simply say you woke up and went upstairs in a hazy half-sleep, which is why you dont remember.

He’s definitely programmed Carla to apologise to you for him at least once, rolling her into the room you’re in before quickly walking out to the sound of “Y/N, I-am-very-sorry-and-I-was-wrong-please-forgive-me” in Carlas robotic voice

If you ever go to Joe’s restaurant to cool down, he’ll make a big fuss, swaying and sighing, dramatically shouting about “however will these lovers reconcile!?” Once his act is over though, he’ll comfort you and give you your favourite meal, tutting over the pair of you and thinking of ways to help you make up

Literally won’t let you go of you for at least a week after you fight. This mf is hanging off you, constant forehead kisses, the whole deal. He’s gone without your affection for a long time while you fought, he’s simply making up for lost time

Joe

You get really pissed at him when he flirts with other girls. He doesn’t mean to, he’s just a bit of a girl magnet and it’s his nature to entertain them. Of course, he all yours, but he forgets sometimes that jealousy is actually a thing

Doesnt take arguments as seriously as he probably should. He’s the type to tell you to “calm down” in the worst possible moment, its usually what makes you explode, actually.

Absolutely dense. The type to listen to you shout for five minutes, and only then have the audacity to ask you just what your problem was

It’s not his fault, bless him. He’s just a little unobservant when it comes to your emotions. When he realises you’re actually upset though, he’s apologising profusely and promising to never do it again

His apologies are always so genuine, you generally forgive him. However, if he does something that really pisses you off and you dont forgive him, he’ll give you space to think

Fights are usually resolved within a day. Like Langa, he refuses to let you go to bed angry

Cooks for you every meal regardless of whether or not you eat it. He’ll leave meals outside your door as a sort of truce, quietly pressing against the door and asking you to please come eat with him, that he hates the idea of you holed up in there all alone

Like Kaoru, he tends to reply with snarky remarks that have little to do with the argument, but they have a little less bite to them. More petty, if anything

Another big reason for why fights never last long is because this man literally. Will. Not. Survive. Without. You. You’ll be trying to ignore him while he comes in every five minutes, asking you how to get a certain channel on the TV, or stupid things you know he’s only asking because he misses talking to you

After you make up, he literally wont even look at another girl for at least a week. Mf will literally turn his head the other way if a girl comes near him, shouting about how he’s spoken for

Shadow

The biggest hothead. He says a lot of things he doesn’t mean in the moment, which will cause you to storm out and he’ll immediately regret it

The fight almost immediately escalates past hushed voices, swear words thrown around as you get in each other’s faces

He’ll get really upset, but he’ll mask it with being pissed off and angry, clashing pots around and acting like a literal baby. He doesnt want to admit it, but he always feels awful right after a fight. He knows youll need a bit of space after the intense shouting, so he’ll give you that space before even attempting an apology

Aggressively cares for you. Like he’ll say things like “I made food, it’ll taste like shit if you leave it, so I suggest you have it now” or “nope, I want the couch, I’m gonna watch something” he’ll never admit it, he just wants to make sure you’re alright even while fighting

If the two of you go to S while fighting, it’ll be very obvious. Usually you’re attached at the hip, but now you couldn’t be further apart. However, he’s still looking out for you, keeping an eye on you to make sure you’re alright. If you’re ever getting hit on by some creep, the fight is forgotten and he’s back at your side, daring the stranger to come any closer to you.

Reki is always the first to notice, poking him and pushing you over to him, trying to get the two of you to make up. Surprisingly, it actually does help clear the air

He can never stay mad at you for long though, he’s completely soft for you

Makes you bouquets to try and apologise. He’s taught you a lot about the meanings of flowers, so he’ll specifically pick ones with hidden meanings like “I’m sorry” or “I love you”

Not very good with verbal apologies. He knows when they’re needed though, and they are usually delivered through a series of grumbles and sad expressions. The thought is there though

Gives very gentle, long hugs after you make up. He’ll hold you close, suggesting a date or a movie to help the two of you relax

Miya

Literally the biggest bitch out of the six to fight with. He’s so petty, he will refuse to admit he’s wrong for the longest time. Once he’s in, there’s no accepting he’s not right

At least for a while anyway. He’ll start to feel bad once he sees just how upset you’re getting, frustrated with his inability to see anyone’s point of view but his own

King of the silent treatment. He’ll hide away behind his switch, drowning out his guilty thoughts with the white noise of animal crossing

He’ll skate to take his mind off things, practicing new tricks until he’s exhausted

Makes really snide remarks that have absolutely nothing to do with the argument. The type to bring up shit that happened 4 months ago just to help his case

Reki is usually the one to make him see sense, telling him just how petty he’s being, and that he cant get so defensive when he’s in the wrong. He knows this, obviously, he just can’t help it sometimes.

Although he’s not one for real apologies, he’ll slowly begin to stop ignoring you, bringing you small snacks or sending you funny things he saw on his phone. He’ll sit beside you, acting as if it was completely unintentional, but will slowly inch closer and closer until he’s curled up at your side, mumbling about how he wasn’t completely right after all

Will literally hit anyone who tries to comment on how the pair of you have made up, talking about how “its not even that big of a deal, just shut up”

Ad*m

Yall fought cause y’know. He’s ad*m

Sat outside your house with a speaker and an ugly ass sign. It started raining and his sign got ruined and his makeup ran

You broke up with him and he cried

Slipped in the rain while leaving <3

[mouisorange]

☰ Yandere Personality Types  〔Big Five〕

☰ Overview

〔Disclaimer〕 Yandere behavior and mindsets are not healthy, nor should they be sought after: this is just meant to be a fun way to analyze characters and see/understand how they may fit into this specific genre of fictional horror. 

This personality ‘assessment’ was inspired by @ddarker-dreams​‘s ‘Yandere MBTI’ as I adore their writing and have always thought that their MBTI assessment is really cool! I also noticed how other people enjoy it so I thought I would make my own assessment, though mine is inspired by the ‘Big Five Personality Traits’. I even tried to be creative and add in the little circles that you can find on the actual Big Five assessment too (which is 100% free btw!). I don’t really think I did the Big Five assessment justice, and I think that a lot more goes into the complexities around this kinda thing, but hopefully this is somewhat interesting!

If you have your own thoughts or even wanna try this out, 100% feel free to use or talk to me about it! Check it out below the cut!

☰  OPEN   •  •  •  •  •  CLOSED 

〔Open〕 yanderes are blatant about their obsession. They do not try and hide it either because they believe it’s meant to be, because they’re too deep in their delusions to understand that it might be a good idea to keep their mouth shut, or simply because they’re in a position to not care about hiding their interest. Usually, this type of yandere is either seen as somewhat of a ‘lovesick puppy’ or a powerful character; though, being a ‘lovesick puppy’ doesn’t necessarily mean kind or affectionate. Whether it was ‘love at first sight’ or more of a slow-burn, these characters usually roll with their feelings with little to no hesitation. Situations with this type of yandere usually include darlings who are unaware of the yandere’s emotions (or even their existence) until they’re suddenly confronted, kidnapped, or confessed to seemingly out of the blue. 

examples︙Anasui 〔 jjba. Stone Ocean〕,  Diavolo & Doppio 〔 jjba. Golden Wind〕, Pina 〔Beastars〕, & Zeke Yeagar 〔Attack on Titan〕.

〔Closed〕 yanderes try to hide their obsessive mindset or behaviors. While they might not always be successful at hiding their interest, closed yandere types are either ashamed/embarrassed by their feelings or are frustrated by them in some way. Usually this type of yandere will ignore/avoid their darling in hopes of losing their feelings, or pretend their feelings don’t exist. This type of yandere is either upset at themselves for having these feelings or upset at their darling for ‘making’ them feel that way. Darling can possibly see their behavior coming and try to avoid the character, but this type of yandere is likely to ‘snap’ at some point and somehow corner their darling as an attempt at controlling their obsession or feelings (though, sometimes this is just the yandere trying to excuse their behavior).

examples︙Avdol〔jjba. SDC〕, Legoshi 〔Beastars〕, Alucard 〔Castlevania〕, & Klaus Hargreeves 〔The Umbrella Academy〕.

☰ Questions to consider when categorizing a yandere

〔 ⅰ. 〕 How does their behavior shift when they realize they’re obsessed?

〔 ⅱ. 〕 What are their opinions on their darling? Does this character adore them? Do they blame darling for their behavior (if so, are they angry about it)?

〔 ⅲ. 〕 How comfortable is this yandere with their feelings and/or actions in regards to their darling?

☰  CASUAL  •  •  •  •  •  DIRECT

〔Casual〕 yanderes do not actively pursue their darling. This type of character is typically laid-back. They either believe that darling will inevitably fall ‘into line’ or is mellow enough to be content with simply being in darling’s life. Casual yanderes are either delusional or are not possessive enough to want more than close friendship from their darling. Though it usually takes a specific type of character for this, some yanderes here believe that they’re already in a relationship with their darling and therefore feel no need to chase after them. This kind of character can confuse their darling, and make it more difficult to get away, as their behavior can be waived off if the character is perceived as harmless, gains darling’s sympathy in some way, or otherwise is not vocal about their delusional thinking/is charming enough to convince darling to just go along with it. Some of these characters are willing to let go if darling catches on early enough, though most will just slowly follow behind regardless of what darling does (though this behavior/these reactions will definitely vary/be different depending on the character).  

examples︙ Mista 〔jjba. Golden Wind〕, Luther Hargreeves 〔The Umbrella Academy〕, Connie Springer 〔Attack on Titan〕, & Cater Diamond 〔Twisted Wonderland〕.   

〔Direct〕 yanderes, as their name suggests, directly or actively pursue their darling. Usually strict or over-bearing, these characters actively chase after their darling’s affections (or otherwise whatever goal relationship the yandere wants). This yandere makes organized, sometimes step by step, plans in order to achieve their goal. It depends on the character whether they get angry when plans have to be changed or if they just shift their angle, however, these characters are focused and will not be discouraged should darling fight against their plans. If anything, some of these characters will be encouraged by their darling fighting back for various reasons (for example, if they’re delusional or just thing it’s a part of the whole ‘chase’ thing/enjoy it). These characters will almost never give up on their darling regardless of what happens.

examples︙ Giorno Giovanna 〔jjba. Golden Wind〕, Armin Arlert 〔Attack on Titan〕, Rook Hunt 〔Twisted Wonderland〕, & Jason Todd 〔DC Comics〕. 

☰ Questions to consider when categorizing a yandere

〔 ⅰ. 〕 How goal-oriented is this character, especially when it comes to their darling? 

〔 ⅱ. 〕 How lenient is this character? Are they trying to force a bee-line to a relationship with their darling or are they willing to play the long game?

〔 ⅲ. 〕 Is this character organizing a plan in order to achieve their goal(s)? Or are they completely winging it? If they’re winging it, are they just hoping that everything will naturally fall into place, or do they genuinely believe it’s fated to happen?

☰  DISCREET  •  •  •  •  •  INTENSE

〔Discreet〕 yanderes either do not have overly strong yandere behaviors or are able to hide said traits enough to be seen as ‘normal’. These characters will usually hide their behavior, regardless of the reasons, in order to have a normal relationship with their darling. While similar to closed character types, discreet yanderes differ in the sense that they usually do not struggle to hide their behavior, and will slowly (or suddenly, depending on the situation, one situation being kidnapping) merge this persona with their actual personality so that darling has no reason to want to leave. While not all characters within this category are fully aware of their behavior, most are intentionally manipulative and have some kind of end goal. They’re not ashamed of this mindset as they believe their reasons (such as “protecting” darling from something) excuse any tears that their darling might shed directly because of this yandere’s actions later on in the ‘relationship’. The period between “normal” and whatever end goal will vary based on the character. This type’s darling can have friends, and even other relationships to an extent (though this does vary), they’ll usually end up reaching the yandere’s goal without knowing about their behavior up until it’s too late to do anything about it. 

examples︙ Risotto Nero 〔jjba. Golden Wind〕, Louis 〔Beastars〕, Lilia Vanrouge 〔Twisted Wonderland〕, &  Sinbad 〔Magi〕. 

〔Intense〕 yanderes can be defined by their possessiveness, or otherwise intense behavior/mindset/emotions. This type of yandere will usually want to either isolate or monopolize their darling’s time in it’s entirety. While the character might not isolate themselves, they’ll do what they can in order to ensure that their darling is focused solely on them (or whatever goal yandere has in mind). Intense yanderes tend to come off as over-bearing or as harassers/bullies. Depending on their other traits, they will either direct their focus on getting other people away from darling or direct their focus on somehow getting darling away from other people (usually involving kidnapping or isolating them in their home). These characters have a tendency to be either cruel or manipulative and darling might believe that their yandere hates them in some way, even if the character says otherwise. 

examples︙ Illuso 〔jjba. Golden Wind〕, Melon 〔Beastars〕, Kouen Ren 〔Magi〕, & Leona Kingscholar 〔Twisted Wonderland〕.

☰ Questions to consider when categorizing a yandere

〔 ⅰ. 〕 How well would this character take rejection? Do they try and rationalize the rejection or do they just accept it (even taking whatever darling said to heart)?

〔 ⅱ. 〕 Can this character handle their darling having friendships? How do they react to darling spending periods of time without them? 

〔 ⅲ. 〕 Does this yandere need (or want?) to spend every waking (and sleeping) moment with darling? If so, what is time spent with this yandere like? 

☰  AGREEABLE  •  •  •  •  •  CONTROLLING

〔Agreeable〕 yanderes seem to genuinely care about their darling and see their darling as a breathing person with their own thoughts/feelings. These characters put their darling before themselves, sometimes going as far as seeing them as someone to worship or put on a pedestal, and believe that darling is better than them in some way. In some cases, they see darling as being unable to do anything wrong (to an extent). They’re willing to debate rights or loosen rules/chains (if they even decided to do chain darling in the first place) with darling and are willing to listen to what they have to say. This yandere’s end goal usually involves some kind of genuine relationship, regardless of how delusional that might be. 

examples︙ Haru 〔Beastars〕, Floch Forster 〔Attack on Titan〕, Tim Drake 〔DC Comics〕, & Vanya Hargreeves 〔The Umbrella Academy〕.

〔Controlling〕 yanderes do not view their darling as equal, either seeing them as childish (in the sense that they don’t understand things or can’t), seeing them as some kind of pet/trophy, or somewhere in-between. They usually do not care about their darling’s thoughts, feelings, or general well-being. Usually the only thing this yandere cares about is controlling their darling, the connection they have to their darling is the only important thing when it comes to darling as a person. Some of these characters even go as far as not minding if darling dies as long as they still view darling as being theirs (example being, if prince charming kept his princess asleep in order to keep princess to himself). While end goals will vary from yandere to yandere, those in this category typically don’t care how darling feels as long as they’re getting what they want from darling. 

examples︙ Kars 〔jjba. Battle Tendency〕, Judar 〔Magi〕, Cioccolata 〔jjba. Golden Wind〕, &  Diavolo 〔 jjba. Golden Wind〕.

☰ Questions to consider when categorizing a yandere

〔 ⅰ. 〕 Does this yandere view darling as a human with their own thoughts/feelings or is darling more of a possession/plaything? 

〔 ⅱ. 〕 Is darling’s mental or physical well-being important to this character? 

〔 ⅲ. 〕 How many rights does darling have and how quickly are said rights taken away/given back? Are they ever given back? What are the yandere’s motives in taking/giving these rights?

☰  RESILIENT  •  •  •  •  •  FRAGILE

〔Resilient〕 yanderes will almost never become discouraged. They’re confident in the sense that they know they’ll eventually achieve their goal. This type of character is willing to spend years trying to either break down their darling or otherwise induce a sort of ‘Stockholm syndrome’. Characters who heavily stalk their darling tend to fall into this category. More so, resilient yanderes are not likely to have any sort of breakdown over their darling, regardless of the situation. They’re strong in their thought process, and are not willing to change their mind-set/behavior towards their darling (or anyone else).

examples︙ Ibuki 〔Beastars〕, Bruno Bucciarati 〔jjba. Golden Wind〕,   Jade Leech 〔Twisted Wonderland〕, & Shigaraki Tomura 〔My Hero Academia 〕.

〔Fragile〕 yanderes, as their name suggests, are ‘fragile’ in their goals or mind-set. Usually this type of yandere is either meek or feel overly guilty about their mind-set/behaviors. These characters can be easily swayed by their darling in some way, and they can get distracted from their end-goal if darling plays their cards right. More adoring, worshipper yanderes tend to fall in this category. Characters here usually do not like upsetting their darling and (at times) are desperate for their darling’s approval. While not an inherently manipulative category, fragile yanderes will use methods like gaslighting in order to avoid any kind of confrontation.

examples︙ Pesci 〔jjba. Golden Wind〕, Allison Hargreeves 〔The Umbrella Academy〕, Jack 〔Beastars〕, & Niccolo 〔Attack on Titan〕. 

☰ Questions to consider when categorizing a yandere

〔 ⅰ. 〕 How emotional/insecure is this character? 

〔 ⅱ. 〕 Is this character confrontational, or would they rather avoid any kind of confrontation by whatever means necessary (such as gaslighting or blackmailing others in the situation)? 

〔 ⅲ. 〕 How patient are they? How long are they willing to wait and/or bide their time in order to achieve some sort of goal?

﹝☼﹞

[ursaminortarot]

Pick-a-card Reading

I did another pick-a-card reading, this time focusing on love and romance. Also, if this is relevant to you or resonated with you at all, can you leave a comment with your astrological sign and which pile you picked? If you know your moon, rising, and venus, could you leave those as well? I have a theory I want to test.

The piles you can pick from are:

Pile 1: Hyena

Pile 2: Swan

Pile 3: Frog

Pile 4: Lion

Pile 5: Fire Ant

Pile 6: Black Egg

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Pile 1: Hyena

Wheel of Fortune, 5 of Wands, 3 of Swords reversed, Soulmates reversed, Wisdom Ace of Swords, 8 of Pentacles reversed, Father of Swords reversed, Co-create, Vision 10 of swords, 10 of Wands reversed, The Moon reversed, Go the Distance, Bond Knight of Wands reversed, 9 of Swords, The Sun reversed, Regenerate, Message Knight of Cups, 8 of Wands reversed, 6 of Swords reversed, Yin reversed, Achievement Bonus Cards: 3 of Pentacles reversed, 3 of Wands reversed, Death, 5 of Cups reversed, 6 of Swords

You haven’t had the best of luck with your past relationships. You’ve dealt with heartbreak and disappointment and that’s made you skeptical of love; and if you ever believed in soulmates, you don’t anymore. The positive to all this pain is that you’ve learned a lot about yourself and how to assert your boundaries. You’re the type of person to throw yourself into work as a distraction. Keeping yourself busy to avoid processing your emotions is something that can only work for so long. You need to focus less on work, it’s preventing you from doing the work you need to do in order to move on. You may even begin having dreams about your most recent relationship until this is done. Ending negative cycles can be a difficult and daunting task, but in this case it’s necessary. Otherwise you won’t find your peace. You are healing, it may not be progressing at the speed you want, but these things take time. You were meant to find this message: “there’s light at the end of the tunnel”. Healing isn’t linear, so don’t feel defeated after a hard day, week, month, or even a hard year. At this moment, you should focus on finding harmony within yourself.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Pile 2: Swan

The Chariot, The Tower, Ace of Wands reversed, A leg Up, Poised, Death, Reflect 3 of Cups, Temperance reversed, The Chariot reversed, Co-create, Regeneration, Deceit 5 of Pentacles reversed, Page of Wands, Temperance reversed, Time to go, Protect Page of Wands, Two of Swords reversed, 9 of Pentacles, Why? reversed, Tick-tock reversed, Luck 4 of Cups reversed, Queen of Wands, 6 of Wands reversed, Breath, Come to the Edge, Terra, Vision

I get the feeling that you don’t have a type, or if you do it’s always changing. Sometimes you can be a little rash with love and this can get you in trouble. You’re the kind of person who will turn someone’s world upside down - and then you ghost them. You haven't always been this way. At one point you were in a serious relationship, and for some of you, possibly engaged or planning a family. This relationship didn’t end well, it was a very messy break up. I get the impression that you were likely cheated on. You end relationships so quickly, and sometimes harshly, because you would rather hurt the other person than risk being hurt again. You haven’t felt safe with a partner in a long time, but the problem here is that you don’t stick around long enough to develop the level of trust that you want to have within a relationship. What you need to do right now is spend time alone, dig deep, and really think about what it is that you want. Do you even want a relationship right now, or are you just looking to have fun? You’re not very grounded at the moment, this is a contributing factor to your restlessness. If you can, take some time to enjoy nature and find your center. If you’re the kind of person who likes to party, you’re being asked to slow down and pace yourself.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Pile 3: Frog

[Before getting into the reading, I’m getting a distinct feeling from this pile. Either, you’ve never been in a relationship or you don’t have a lot of experience with them.]

The Moon reversed, Knight of Pentacles, The Hanged Man reversed, Building Blocks reversed, Balance The Empress, Queen of Swords reversed, Ace of Cups reversed, To Be Fair, Achievement 5 of Cups reversed, King of Wands reversed, 10 of Wands reversed, Milk and Honey, Simplicity 3 of Cups, 4 of Pentacles, The Tower reversed, Higher Power, Sol 2 of Cups, 6 of Pentacles, Daughter of Cups reversed, Never-ending story, Transformation Bonus Cards: 8 of Wands reversed, 7 of Wands reversed, Clean it up reversed

You’re very cautious or picky when it comes to relationships. There are a lot of fears present here, but we’ll handle them one at a time. There’s a fear of not finding stability or being trapped. You want everything to be fair and equal in a relationship, but this can make it difficult to ask for what you want or need. You don’t want to be too much, but you also don’t want to be giving more than you’re receiving. You hold yourself and other people to high standards, some might say that they’re impossible to meet. You know exactly what you want in a partner, and that makes you afraid of disappointment.  It’s not that you need to lower your standards, but you need to realize that it’ll be difficult to find someone who meets all of your expectations. If you don’t want to wait until that person crosses your path, or if you don’t even believe that they’re real, then you’re going to need to discern what standards are a necessity and which one’s are preferences that you can go without. People like being around you, because you have the ability to put them at ease. You built up this skill and put a lot of work into it. You have this need to make sure others feel safe when they're with you. You don’t want others to feel like they can’t be themselves around you, because you know how awful that can feel. You can connect with people on a deep level very easily. This is what’s frustrating for you, because if you can bond with people so easily then why haven’t you found your person? You are an extremely lonely person, but you need to accept that things will progress at their own pace and you need to get comfortable being alone.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Pile 4: Lion

Queen of Swords, Queen of Pentacles reversed, 2 of Pentacles reversed, Soulmates reversed, Deceit The Fool, The Page of Cups, The Fool reversed, Poised, Breath, Sleep 10 of Cups, Six of Wands reversed, The Magician reversed, Here and Now, Cycle 3 of Pentacles, High Priestess, The Chariot reversed, Not for you, Exchanging Gifts, Bond The Hermit, Justice, Daughter of Wands reversed, Go the Distance, Wisdom Bonus Cards: Ace of Swords, Ace of Swords reversed

You’re a very strong and intelligent person, but you can be cold and calculating. You’re at odds with yourself because you want to be softer. You are a hopeless romantic at heart, but you can’t bring yourself to express it. You restrain that softer, more romantic side of yourself to save face. You don’t want to look stupid, but you also want to do all the sappy, silly lovey-dovey shit. You have a very creative side to you and you could use that as a way to explore your softer side. You don’t have to share your art with anyone, but it could help shift the way people perceive you. It could make it easier to express to people that there’s more to you than the cold front you’ve been putting up. Finding balance is key. You are analytical & calculating, but you’re also romantic & nurturing, and you need to find a way to exist as both, or you’re never going to get anywhere.

You should focus less on the future. You’re so worried about having this perfect fairytale ending, that you’re just getting in your own way.

You see the world in a very unique way and you don’t think you’ll meet someone who understands how you process and think about the world around you. You have a lot of conflicting feelings right now, and that’s okay, it’s human. You can’t be perfect all of the time.

 Also, you need to chill, you’re taking this way too seriously. Love, romance, and relationships are supposed to be fun. Go meditate in a forest or something, run away to the mountains, just find a way to relax. I can’t fully describe with words the extent of the uptight/tightly-wound energy I’m getting from you. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Pile 5: Fire Ant

7 of Cups reversed, 3 of Wands, Daughter of Swords, Truth be Told reversed, Simplicity The Empress, 10 of Wands reversed, 5 of Pentacles reversed, Observer reversed, Go the Distance, Deceit 2 of Wands, Queen of Swords, The Hanged Man, 9 of Swords reversed, Soulmates reversed, Fork in the Road, Healing Queen of Cups, King of Wands reversed, Ace of Swords reversed, Building Blocks reversed, Exchanging Gifts reversed, Balance   3 of Pentacles reversed, Queen of Wands reversed, Death, 8 of Pentacles, Poised reversed, Sol

You’re juggling a lot emotionally and I feel like you cope with these feelings through art. You are highly perceptive and you have a piercing gaze that can see through everybody’s bullshit. You value truth above anything else in relationships. You see so much that it makes it difficult for you to feel. It’s not that you don’t have feelings, it’s that you break everything down to the smallest detail and your feelings stop being feelings and become observations and data. You’ve become overly analytical and it’s getting in the way of potential relationships. I feel like you are this way because you saw something in someone once and you ignored it, and then you really wish you hadn’t. You thought that you had a future with someone who thought of themself as kind of a sacrificial lamb, so to speak. This person could not take accountability, everything was someone else's fault, and most of the time, they blamed you. Even though most of it was self-inflicted because they didn’t know how to say no and just went along with everyone and everything. Your view on relationships and love has been changed by this experience. The good news is that you’re starting to heal, but you’ll likely never see love the same way and you won’t be able to trust people as readily as you once did. You still believe in love and romance, for other people, but not for yourself. You don’t believe that you’ll ever be able to share that much of yourself with another person again. You have this ‘once was enough’ energy to you. If you want romance in the future, which I’m assuming you do because you’re reading this, you need to work on rebuilding the parts of yourself that got damaged by that relationship. Put yourself and your healing first and maybe, one day, you’ll be able to open yourself up to the prospect of romance again. Nothing’s impossible. This lack of confidence you have in yourself is starting to impact your professional life. You need to find yourself again, and that’s not going to be easy.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Pile 6: Black Egg

[This reading is all over the place. I can’t tell if that’s because I was tired after doing the other 5 readings or if it’s because you, the person who picked pile 6, are someone who has energy that bounces from one thing to another very quickly.]

Wheel Of Fortune, Ace of Pentacles, 4 of Wands reversed, 6 of Pentacles, Treasure Island reversed, Sol King of Wands reversed, 6 of Swords, Justice, Mother of Swords reversed, Chop Wood, Achievement 5 of Pentacles, The Hierophant reversed, 6 of pentacles reversed, Father of swords reversed, All that Glitters, Bond 3 of Swords reversed, 10 of Wands, Son of Wands reversed, Daughter of Swords, A Leg Up, Arcana The World reversed, Death reversed, Ace of Wands reversed, 2 of Wands reversed, Blessed reversed, Air

You’ve had a rocky love life up until this point. All you want is stability because that’s something that has been lacking in your life, you need a balance between the domestic side of a relationship and having the freedom to be able to go off and do whatever you want. You don’t want to be pinned down, and yet, you want to pin someone else down. You need to allow potential partners the freedom you’re asking for.

You’ve gotten some bad relationship advice in the past. Someone told you that you need to be something you're not, or at least pretend to be something you’re not. The problem with this kind of thinking is that once your partner discovers that you haven’t been entirely truthful with them, they're not gonna want to stick around. Because, you know, people don’t like being lied to. 

You’ve had your heart broken in past relationships because you felt like you couldn’t turn to your partner for help. They were someone that asked a lot of you, but wouldn’t reciprocate. 

You’re an intelligent, and perceptive person, but you’re also incredibly passionate and a little head-strong. So, sometimes you don’t think before you act and that’s been a point of tension in past relationships. You want to rush everything, but there are no shortcuts in love. You need to slow down or find someone who can match your energy.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I know that readings with 30ish cards take me about an hour to do, so why was I surprised that this took me 6 hours? 

I don’t know how much of my personality to let show throughout these kinds of readings. I don’t want them to be dry or too detached, but at the same time people probably just want to know what their piles have to say.

[The decks I used were the Modern Witch Tarot, the Wild Unknown tarot, the Earthbound Oracle, the Wisdom of the Oracle and the Wild Unknown Animal Spirit oracle.]

I feel like these were too specific to apply to a lot of people, but also not specific enough. So, if you want a more personalized reading check out my Etsy shop.

https://www.etsy.com/shop/UrsaMinorTarot

[gloriousmonsters]

hi!! obviously feel free to ignore, but just in case my other ask got lost i wanted to send another :) i just recently got into tgcf and have been going through various tags and i really liked reading your posts!! i was just curious to see how you view sqx's gender since rereading? the more fic ive read since finishing the book, the more surprised ive been to find that most of it (at least that ive read so far) really ignores any discussion of either gender id or having sqx be gnc or anything. like, it seems like if its a serious fic people write him in male form and if its a fun fic people write her in female form (and my/hx in female form as well, which is a whole other convo) and regardless of form its all very much adhering to expectations for whatever gender the author is writing, not really any gnc stuff. anyway! sorry, i got carried away, but i guess im really just looking for an insightful take on gnc cis sqx so that i can have some hope restored that there are people who have a nuanced take lol

hey, sorry for the late reply! I got your other ask, I just have been pretty caught up with work and other distracting things the past few days..../week. what is time

Honestly I haven't read much fic for TGCF at all and less featuring SQX, but i'm... sadly not surprised at hearing what you've mostly run into. People don't often seem to be up for any sort of complicated gender stuff on the average day, so it makes sense it wouldn't be addressed in a lot of fics, and SQX's femininity--in whatever form--being treated mostly as a 'fun' thing instead of a serious part of SQX's gender is... frustrating but again, not surprising.

It's been a bit since I last looked at TGCF, but my personal interpretation remains that SQX is a femme man, much as I view Ling Wen as a butch woman--I very much don't want to say it's not as valid or interesting to interpret either of them as trans, but for me personally both characters are most interesting to read as GNC cis characters. That's its own whole struggle, one that the issue of their worshipers essentially deciding what their gender is for them--because they don't conform to the conventions of their own--is painfully resonant with.

(I'll try not to talk more about Ling Wen more on this SQX gender post, but I'll make a last sidebar about I wish people would talk about Ling Wen's gender more in general.I barely even see people acknowledge that she HAS a male form or any of her character as it relates to her being masc/butch.)

SQX clearly enjoys wearing his female form, and it very much comes across as dressing up in clothes that really express how you feel--he's so much cuter, it's so fun to wear a female form (to such an extent that he will try to pester anyone left alone with him for five seconds into doing so, because how can you NOT ENJOY looking pretty??). But to me he never seems dysphoric about his male form--just bored and sometimes hurt by the limitations it imposes on him. Being a man isn't an issue for him, acting like a man is.

And I understand that for some people there's little difference between those things--a lot of people find their gender nonconformity means they're not that gender at all. I feel like another factor is the well-meaning anvil that got dropped a while ago of 'you can't write a stereotype, so all your queer men have to be normal macho and all your queer women have to be normal feminine' which further erased the very concept of GNC-ness, at least when it came to writing fic. I think that's one of the reasons I'm so attached to cis femme SQX--GNC characters, or even interpretations more complex than 'completely conventionally cis or binary, also conventionally (gender) trans' are thin on the ground in fandom.

(a sidebar: writing a guy as a uke-in-all-but-name is not the same as writing a guy as meaningfully gnc. like pursue your bliss and write what you want and all that, but I had the haunting suspicion that there's probably some 'gay twink that cries a lot and always bottoms' SQXs out there and i want to register that it's nooooot what i'm talking about when i talk about being gnc. WHOLE other discussion packed away inside that one. let's skip it for now)

I wish I had something more specific or insightful to say here, lol. You can enjoy looking like a woman and not be a woman. You can dislike being masculine and still be a man. SQX clearly, despite the not-cool reasons for him having it (because the implications of two gods being close, even if they were brothers, was just TOO GAY, we gotta make it straight! are their worshipers those people who genderbend just one sibling to write incest because i have some Annoyed Words for those people. Stop Making It Boring) is very attached to his female form and enjoys wearing it, and while it's not given a great deal of time, there's obviously friction between him and his brother based in the fact that, even while not wearing a female form, SQX just doesn't... act quite like a man should.

(This is pure personal interpretation/headcanon, but he often doesn't see the problem with how he's acting because he simply has an internal sense of gender that doesn't clash with looking like a woman or not acting like a man--gnc gender identity is no less deeply or completely felt than any other. It takes SWD or someone else reacting badly to remind him, ah, apparently not every man would be like this if he had the chance. Which seems fake, but ok)

if there's a conclusion, there's this--to write SQX as either a straightforward male or female character is just missing his whole point. He can be a gnc man, genderfluid, a trans woman--but whatever he is is complicated, despite how untroubled he usually seems by it all. There's tension between what he is, how he's viewed, and the limited means he has to express himself, and while that obviously can't be the point of every fic he appears in, it's always there. And cis gnc SQX remains, in the end, my favorite lens. It's unlikely, but I do hope someone got that boy a cute outfit at some point postcanon, it's the least he deserves.