#because im just like. I get exaggeration but god does it annoy me

[gothamcityneedsme]

im usually all for fiction only needing to follow its own logic and i dont need realism all the time BUT one of my exceptions is like. characters sleeping. someone like writes an amount of not sleeping that would cause Actual Death and im like. Thats probably not what youre going for

or just making characters who like often go 35+ hours with no sleep and im like. that ultimately just. Doesnt work.

[minnielvr]

cold chocolate - kim seungmin

˚ ༘ pairing bf! seungmin x fem! reader

˚ ༘ genre fluff, angst!!, seungmins a bit of a meanie :(

˚ ༘ wc 3.4k

˚ ༘ note never writing smth this long (okay 3k words☠️) again idfk how sum ppl do it😭 sorry if this bad guys i cant write rlly good🦦merry xmas!!!

"hey y/n can you come out here?" seungmin called to you from your guys' living room.

"yea whats up babe?" you went over to the couch and sat next to him.

"promise you wont be mad?" he looked at you and raised a brow while grabbing your hand.

"oh god seungmin what did you do now?" you chuckled. obviously you thought that whatever he was going to tell you wasn't that shocking and he was just exaggerating, but you were so wrong.

"no y/n this is serious."

"o-oh okay. uhm whats wrong?" you were starting to get nervous now. does he want to break up? did he cheat on you? a million thoughts raced through your head but not one of them was what he was about to tell you.

"i'm not gonna be home for christmas.." he said it so casually as he looked down in his lap.

"oh."

now usually missing holidays wouldn't be such a problem for you two, except christmas. you guys dont really celebrate anything other than valentines, chuseok, and birthdays, sometimes you guys dont even celebrate birthdays. but christmas? it was a must. you were going to go back home to your family with him for the first time. he had even said yes. now all of a sudden he cant? whats more important?

you inhaled a shaky breath and asked, "why?"

"well you know, we have practice to do, and we have to record some things. so i'll be staying at the dorms." he shrugged and let go of your hands. thinking you were fine.

now that pissed you off. practice? recording? he couldn't skip one week of work for christmas? he was never like this, he has never put his work over you.

"seriously seungmin?. you cant just skip a week of work for christmas? you're putting 'some practice' over me?" you looked up at him with an open mouth.

"no y/n, i cannot." he glared at you. why was he giving you attitude all of a sudden? its not like you're the one who will be missing christmas.

"care to explain why?" you crossed your arms.

"dont you get it y/n? my work is harder than yours, you literally do nothing but sit down at a desk all day and book peoples appointments," he slowly started to raise his voice. "you dont get it all. i cant just be home all the time to give you attention. since when were you so clingy?"

you stood up from the couch and backed away from him, scared of him yelling at you. were you really that annoying? your eyes started to water.

"seungmin wh-why are you getting so mad? i'm just asking you to take a week off for christmas, im sure they'll let you. beside you need a break too." you said while looking down, trying to avoid eye contact so he couldn't see your tears.

"i'm mad because you're annoying! i dont want to take a week off. i cant be with you all the time y/n. leave me alone." he turned to the tv and turned it on, acting as if nothing happened.

at this point there were tears running down your face. how could he be so rude and say something like that? sure you guys have had arguments before and said things, but never like this. he the level-headed one in the relationship. he always keeps his cool during arguments because he knows how upset you get.

maybe it is your fault though. maybe you ask for too much attention and let him do all the work in the relationship. maybe you should leave him alone until christmas is over.

"okay. i'm sorry that im too clingy. i'll just leave" you turned around on your foot to go get your backpack with all your things. you'll stay with a friend or something. maybe you were overreacting a bit but you didn't really care, how could your boyfriend just ditch family plans for christmas like that?

"yea whatever, i dont care" and he dismissed your statement just like that.

now that hurts.

one of your best friends since you were 5, areum, was jeongins girlfriend. you and her were out one day and saw the two of them together, jeongin asked for aerums for her number first and seungmin asked you out a few weeks later. the rest is history.

you just arrived to aerums house and she graciously welcomed you in. seeing the tear stains on your face and your nose red, she figured you had walked here. she was correct. on the way out of your and seungmin's shared apartment, you had forgotten your car keys. but by the time you realized you were already too far down and didn't want to go back up to grab them, especially because seungmin would probably still be in there.

"so? tell me what happened babes" she guided you over to her couch and sat down next to you.

you explained what had happened and she fully agreed with you on your view of the whole thing. i mean, if he already said yes to the plans, why would he switch up all of a sudden? and seungmin would usually take a sick day or soemthing if you asked, he cared about you a lot. you're not saying that he has to prioritize his work over you, but the least he could do was tell you in a nice way or just take a few days off for christmas.

"but wait. that doesn't make sense.." aerum furrowed her eyebrows.

"huh? why?" you looked up at her.

"jeongin said that they have a little christmas break or something like that. i mean, we aren't going anywhere but he said that the boys have no schedules and practices," she looked at you nervously. "do you think that maybe seungmins lying to you?"

well he definitely is, theres no question about that. you just didn't want to believe that he would actually lie to you about something like this.

"n-no he would never..," you looked down in your lap. "oh my god he doesn't want to see my family. he probably thinks i'm rushing into it right? but we were supposed to go to his parents house after that, how is that fair?" you were coming up with all these excuses to not make him look like the bad guy in this situation but there really isnt any. he lied to you and called you cling and annoying. thats the hard truth.

"hey hey calm down its okay," aerum side hugged you and started rubbing your shoulders. "i'm sure it's just a little problem with miscommunication hm? it could be fixed like this." she snapped her finger.

"y-yea of course." you hiccuped. "can i just stay here for the night though? i don't feel like going back yet." you looked up to aerum with wide, teary eyes.

"aw of course honey." she squished your cheeks. "go shower and i'll get some food ready for us. we can watch a movie." she smiled at you and tapped your back to usher you to the bathroom.

you smiled and agreed with her and went to shower. turning the water to borderline boiling so you could release all your thoughts.

you put on some of aerums spare clothes and stepped out of the bathroom and walked to the main room. she had the movie 'home alone' waiting to be played on the tv. she knew it was your favorite christmas movie.

aerum saw you step out and turned her head back over the couch to face you with a big smile on her face, beckoning you to go and sit next to her. you could see a plethora os sugary and salty snacks sitting on the little coffee table in the middle of the room. she really knew how to cheer you up.

you guys ended up watching both home alone movies and ate almost all of the snacks. you guys also fell asleep next to each other on the couch. which was typical for the two of you when you ahd movie nights.

you were the first one to wake up the next morning. rubbing your eyes and aerums foot being the first thing you see was not so pleasant. the sun was shining through the window and you could hear the bustling city of seoul outside. what time was it?

you sat up from the couch while gently taking aerums leg off of your lap. you bent down to grab your phone to see that the time was..2 PM?!?!? seungmin must be worried sick!

you turned to the side and looked at aerum sleeping so peacefully. a little drool coming out the side of her mouth.

"aerum! hey! hey! wake up! it's 2'oclock!" you violently shook her shoulders.

she hummed and swatted your hands away from her body. telling you to shut up.

"as much as i would love to stop doing this i still love you and you have work today. so...get. up." at this point she had opened her eyes and you were staring straight into them.

"oh my god! i have work!" she kicked the blanket off her feet and scrambled to get up off the couch. running to her bathroom to go shower and get ready.

"hey wait! i was gonna go in there!" you chased after her but to no avail. she had already got in and locked the door.

"i know you have boyfriend problems right now but im already late for work! which one is worse y/n?" you could hear her starting to turn on the shower.

"fine, you win." you lightly kicked her bathroom door in anger.

you headed to the kitchen and opened the fridge, looking for ingredients to make breakfast for the two of you. there was nothing inside the fridge except some eggs, bread, butter, and milk. how did aerum and jeongin even survive in this house? at yours and seungmin's apartment, the food inside the fridge and pantry is always stocked. you guys go grocery shopping together too, just to make running errands a little more fun. sometimes he would ride the cart trying to run away from you or sneak in some extra snacks that you guys certainly didn't need to spend so much money on. but thats what made it fun. those little quirks are why you loved seungmin.

as you were reminiscing on those little memories, you heard a door to the apartment open. looking towards it, you saw jeongin walk in. since you started tearing up thinking about yours and seungmins relationship, you quickly wiped them when jeongin came a little closer to you.

"y/n? oh my god! seungmin is so worried about you! you should go to him. like now." he looked genuinely concerned.

"y-yea i should haha," you looked towards the eggs cooking on the stove. "just make sure you keep on eye this food though. me and aerum woke up late so while she showered i figured i could make me and her some food. but i'm leaving now. also you guys should really go grocery shopping." you laughed at him while packing up your things.

he frowned at you and opened the fridge "hey it's not that b-maybe it is..."

aerum walked out of the bathroom wrapped up in a towel and looked at you wide eyed. she heard you talking to yourself so she decided to come out.

"damn babe" jeongin turned towards aerum and looked at her while raising his eyebrows.

"jeongin! what are you doing here! you weren't gonna be back until like...2...oh." she looked at the clock and now realized it was 3. "oh my god i'm gonna get fired!!"

"chill out aerum, i'm sure one day won't do anything" you chuckled at her over exaggeration.

"okay y/n listen," she went up to you and put her hands on your shoulders, staring you dead in the eyes. "you back in your apartment and be very clear to seungmin that you're sad and man and whatnot. be confident and don't cry." she pursed her lip at you.

"okay! got it. now go finish getting ready so you can leave before jeongin makes you stay!" you winked at her and left her apartment.

you were in front of your apartment door, giving yourself a pep talk about why you shouldn't be scared to go in there and confront seungmin. communication is key right?

you opened the door and were met with an empty house, no sign of seungmin anywhere. maybe he was sleeping? they didn't have any schedules today if you recalled correctly.

you walked towards your guys' shared bedroom and opened the door to be met with a sad sight. it was seungmin, curled up in the bed, holding onto your pillow. he seemed to be asleep and you didn't want to wake up him up. you were still mad at him, but the sight made your heart clench.

you went to your dresser and set your bag down. then you went to the bathroom to do your skincare routine since you hadn't gotten the chance to do so at aerums place. seems as though that woke seungmin up because next thing you know he's walking up to bathroom door that you forgot to close. you saw him behind you in the mirror.

"y/n?" he came closer to you and wrapped his arms around you. "i-i thought something happened to you when you left, i got really worried y'know..."

"well, i'm fine see? no need to worry." you unwrapped his arms from around your waist and stepped away from him. you appreciated the gesture but he's acting so normal, as if nothing happened between you two.

"oh...okay." he got the memo that you wanted to be left alone, so he left the bathroom. this time closing the door.

you were conflicted. you were mad at seungmin and he really hurt you. plus, the holidays were coming up and you didn't want to be in a sour mood for it. but at the same time, you could see he felt bad. him just initiating physical contact and being the first one to talk said a lot.

you see, both you and seungmin were both very prideful people. that means that when the two of you argued, instead of being normal and talking it out a few hours later. you guys stretched it on for 1-2 days before either of you came to apologize. communication was something your and seungmin's relationship was heavily lacking.

you decided that you would wait for seungmin to speak to you. and if he doesn't then well, you'll cross that bridge when you get there.

once you finished up in the bathroom, you made your way out to your bedroom and saw that seungmin was curled up on the bed with his phone.

"thought you had practice seungmin?" you crossed your arms and raised your brow.

"o-oh well you know i decided to skip today because i was so worried about you and i was waiting for you to come home." he made up an excuse.

"well im fine so, you should probably get going now." you patted his back and shooed him away.

you guessed that was his breaking point because then he turned around to face you with tears in his eyes and said

"y/n please...i'm sorry. i lied okay? i don't have any schedules or practice for the next whole week." he looked down in shame.

you already knew that so it wasn't that much of a shocker. but it really hurt coming from him.

"why would you lie to me seungmin?" tears were now starting to well up in your eyes. "i'm sorry if i rushed you into meeting my parents. it's just that we've been together for 2 years and you never got to see them except on calls so i thought it would be a nice trip for us...." you wiped your tears.

"no love trust me thats not the reason at all." he sat down next to you in the bed and took your face in his hands.

"so then why did you lie to me and call me clingy and annoying?" he winced when you mentioned what he called you. he really didn't mean to. he doesn't think that about you at all. it came out of nowhere.

"because y/n....i was scared to meet them. i thought that maybe they would think i wasn't good enough for you." he looked down in his lap.

"seungmin why on earth would you think that? my parents already love you and they've seen you on call. they practically adore you." you took his face in your hands now. "seungmin no one would ever think that about you. you're perfect in so many ways and you deserve me just as much as i deserve you, if not more."

"y/n how can you say that when i said all those things?" he was referring to when he called you clingy and annoying.

"because i know you didn't mean it baby. it did hurt a lot, but it's nothing you can't make up for." you smiled at him. "i know you've been a little stressed with all the end of year activities and stuff. but you're getting a break now! enjoy it."

"i just feel so guilty for lying to you and saying those things y/n, i truly am sorry. how can i make it up to you?" he looked at you wide eyed.

"cuddles and kisses. but we can do that after we pack since we're leaving in 2 days." you giggled.

seungmin pulled you by your waist into a hug and kissed the top of your head. "you know i love you a lot y/n, right?"

"yes i know that baby, i love you too" you smiled up at him. "now! lets get to packing!" you got up from the bed and started pulling clothes out of your drawers. seungmin groaned, not wanting to get up from the bed.

it was christmas eve and you and seungmin were at your parents house. they were thrilled to see him and loved him very much. not failing to make him feel very deserved.

you guys were all sitting in the living room and it was 11:30 pm. your parents decided they would go to sleep and give you two some alone time. you guy's both said goodnight and waited for them to leave until you started talking.

"so, having a good time so far?" you turned sideways to face seungmin.

"of course, the best time even." he smiled at you. "wanna watch home alone? i know it's your favorite and we didn't get to watch it back at home."

"yes! i'll go make some hot chocolate for us." you hopped off the couch and made your way to the kitchen to boil some milk.

it's been about five minutes and the milk was still boiling. seungmin came into the kitchen to keep you some company. he walked over to where you were by the stove and wrapped his arms around your waist from behind.

"could this thing be any slower?" he whispered right into your ear.

"ugh, i know right. i don't even care anymore," you turned off the stove. "we can have cold chocolate i guess." you started pouring the milk into yours and seungmins cups.

"anything is good when i'm with you." he kissed the side of your neck and swayed you side to side.

you giggled and turned around towards him and said "awww look at you being all flirty" you teased.

he shrugged his shoulders. "it's the christmas spirit i guess."

you then looked at the digital clock behind seungmin and it read 11:59.

"oh seungmin look!" you point behind him at the clock. "it's almost christmas! in five....four....three....t-"

he pulled your face towards him and brought you in for a kiss. he rested his hands on your hips and then pulled away. you looked up at him with wide eyes.

"man, i wish it was christmas everyday if you're gonna act like this"

he chuckled. "merry christmas y/n." he pulled you into his chest and rested his chin on your head.

"merry christmas seungmin."

[dundeey-art]

Had no thoughts about prowl. the majority of the fandom thinks he's an asshole and they either hate him for it or love him for it.

So I read the entire wreckers saga for Verity initially, but you know what? Prowl really stood out to me. I wanted to see more of him, so I read the issues he was in and I truly don't understand where the whole "prowl is an asshole" came from, yes he does some bad stuff (so does everyone else) but i interpreted this as a means to an end.. i think he's always thinking about the future and the end of the war, and his actions reflect that. I'm pretty sure he even mentioned that he "has to make tough decisions for a better tomorrow" but don't quote me on that

I think trying to moralize anyone in the IDW comics is a bad idea LOL, love them as they are (￣ー￣)ｂ

I find it really interesting how prowl is like.. public enemy #1 in the fandom when there are others who are worse and get so much love. LIKE RODIMUS OH MY GOD DO NOT EVEN GET ME STARTED. He annoyed me so much while reading MTMTE. Seriously, the way everyone babygirl-ifies him and never talks about his wrongs, you'd swear rodimus is a pretty decent guy. He's infuriating, painfully immature, and egotistical, and those traits get people killed. Like at some point, he ignores advice from ultra magnus because he's petty, and it ends up a disaster... I'm not even gonna touch on his horrible friendship with drift.

I dunno how this turned into a rodimus rant (；ω；) BUT ANYWAY!! prowl is pretty incredible, and i didn't know for such a long time because of the fandom's mischaracterization of him.

— dream (*＾3＾)/～☆

holy fucking based...

YOU HIT THE NAIL ON THE HEAD!!!

indeed, if you just read the material, you'll see that prowl is wildly misinterpreted and exaggerated by the fandom. personally i like rodimus, but what you said is true. almost every character in IDW has committed terrible crimes, but those get excused or overlooked way more than prowl's do. prowl supposedly being the biggest war criminal in the story is a joke that gets boring really quickly.

its most likely about more than just his actions, though. i think prowl's personality puts people off. like hes a bit too unfriendly, not cute or quirky enough. but i like prowl, he's one of the few i can actually tolerate. but i guess thats just not the popular opinion. really, though, i think people that genuinely think prowl is an asshole are annoying. we probably wouldnt get along irl.

personality aside, i genuinely think prowl is an incredibly admirable character. he's like the anti-hero to me. it's clearly shown in his actions and motivations. far from the antagonist that some people claim he is.

im so glad you read it for yourself to come to your own conclusion and gained all this insight! thank you for sharing!!

[kureasblog]

Tuesdayyy🧪🩼

First of all the car ride with my father wasn’t that bad and we didn’t even fight so it was good.

Is soon as I arrived I saw a friend who I love so much who is just glowing and authentic and she has that “I don’t give a fuck about other peoples opinion” mindset, that I really admire. She’s really an inspiration for me.

we had math which was fun and philosophy-boring asf. sorry but it’s the way my teacher is istg.

then we had physics, i hate our current chapter. at the end of the hour he gave us back our chemistry exams and i got a GREAT GRADEEE😙 (half of the class has below average) i literally took my face in my hands and said something so loud like « OMG YES » (kinda awkward) and when i left the class i was SMI-LING. the teacher said like ‘nice to see a smile on ur face’ does that mean ur calling me depressed??💀 i mean tbh im not doing well recently but i didnt know it was THAT noticeable god. i mean he s so sweet n really care about his students + im a special needs student (« handicapped ») so ig he kinda looks out for me.

then we had biology, nothing much. i was sitting just in front of L. it’d be cool if he was in front, i could kinda glance at him but if he is behind me i just feel anxious and overthink everything i do and im like ‘how do i look from the back’ ‘is my bun looking dumb’ ‘what if i have acne on my back’. Like girllll who cares. he’s human, so r you. relax. but i just CANT focus on the lesson. And when i looked behind he was manspreading (guilty of finding it lowkey hot) and talking abt how he failed his test.. (too badd for youuuuu personally i did NOT🤭)(yes yes i like him but i prefer being the best)

then we had lunch with friends (some bitches annoyed me but whatever) glanced at 🚪 M but he never fff notices me, then we went to study at the library (i got YELLED at for chatting when it’s supposed to be a quiet place when every body else was talking but i mean poor lady that’s literally her only job to shush people🙁 like- i was having fun, you’re never having fun, i get it. jealousy’s though.)

Then we had spanish, it was normal. Then we had english it was soooo funnnn🤭

So like no one laughed at our English project which we wanted to be funny but ppl in our class are stuck up and probably found it cringe butttt my group couldnt stop laughing so that’s what matters hehe. they all did serious projects but just filming themselves blank staring at the camera but that’s kinda the embarrassing part to me.

- basically we had to present a project that we filmed at home in groups about a festival we’d create so we were kind of all acting (I was the economic manager xD)and the video of L’s🧪 group was so fun and they were all embarrassed to watch the video in class and they were all red -because it’s awkward to see ur own face projected on the huge screen- which was soooo funny to watch. Personally, I wasn’t really embarrassed about my own face because we didn’t film ourselves from up close but kind of like a report and the camera was moving and I was just really exaggerating my acting n giggling.

also my hair was down and even though i was all red and puffy from sweat i felt pretty.

i just wanted to keep glancing at L, i had to stop myself. also he was so cute n funny in the video istg. he just does this eyebrow raise idk how to explain it but like when he’s proud of himself whatever. whateverrrrr😽 (CUTE >:D)

so then had a break before the 2 hour exam (im in the same exam room as 🩼A’s class)

basically he’s in the same class as one of my best friends so im often in his classroom. and i was hanging out with my friend and he was revising for the exam right after- well, there. i mean it’s his classroom after all-. And there was a former classmate talking with us and i was purposely laughing so cute and doing doe eyes bcs.. bcs leave me alone. I can’t function when he’s near. I HATE HIM. And his goddman black eyes. 😞

And istg i could feel his stare in my direction. but. am i crazy? am i schizophrenic? if he was indeed looking at me, was it positively? was he judging me? was he thinking ‘why is she always here omg so annoying’? like. i know what i gotta do. whenever i feel like he is staring at me, i have to look up and check if he really is. that way i’ll be sure. after tomorrow it’s Thursday, he always glances at me on the day when im waiting in front of their classroom, so that day i’ll actually look up and see if he is staring at me. If he is, i’ll do a little squint like -dude were u staring at me???? to make him embarrassed. or. do a double check. that’s SO a hint of ´i noticed you’. Idk what to doooo

Anyway. I failed my biology exam but everybody did. tomorrow biggg study day.

[phanyu]

why do artists draw dan darker? i get that he was a bit tan for an anglo an eon ago but they've the same colour for ages

LMFAOOOOOOOO IM SO GLAD YOU CAME TO MY INBOX WITH THIS BECAUSE IT DRIVES ME INSANE. okay so. i actually don’t think phannies are an outlier to blame in this and in fact i suspect it’s something they picked up from general fandom culture and then apply to dnp out of habit. idk if you’re involved in a lot of fandoms but it’s definitely a big phenomenon where in a ship where 90% of the time both members are pale or white, fanartists will draw one darker or with more “ethnic” features, or give one another ethnicity hc to facilitate this, etc, for some visual diversity. sometimes i find it harmless, sometimes i find it annoying that they do this while ignoring actual characters of colour, sometimes i agree that the phenomenon as a whole does need some examining because it VERY often leans into racist stereotypes, like 99% of the time ive seen it it’s the bigger, maybe more aggressive/loud character that gets given that styling. so yeah, as a whole it’s something i have very mixed feelings on.

so i do think that people that draw dnp like that are just doing it because they’re used to seeing it and doing it sooo often in fandom spaces for so long. and also people like to exaggerate and stylize differences between them, it’s art, it’s ok to get kinda cartoonish! but specifically the drawing dan darker thing is SOOOOOO CRINGE TO ME OMFG like he is not fictional. that is a white man with a warm undertone that contrasts against phil’s cool undertone. again i dont think they’re doing it because they’re “headcanoning” him as anything else, it does just come across terribly. and it does sort of seep into fandom attitude because I swear to god once after some video i saw people on twitter cooing over their skin tone difference in the same way as they coo over the hand size difference. DRY HEAVE.

[babyfairy]

i feel like i need to find a therapist again. i’m getting so frustrated with how often i come off wrong and i feel like i have so many issues with communication that i genuinely don’t know how to address because i don’t feel secure communicating no matter who i’m talking to. i’m always second guessing or overthinking it. and i know that has a lot to do with my OCD and anxiety but i feel like it’s done so much damage to my interpersonal relationships and other peoples’ perception of me and knowing that is so embarrassing for me it makes me want to just stop talking completely. but even when i do that it upsets others and comes off wrong. i wish i could wipe everyone’s memories of me sometimes and just start over. like it’s gotten to a point where i’m scared to deepen my relationship with my more casual friends because i’ll just end up upsetting or disappointing them somehow. like i feel like i need to be coached through things that everyone around me is able to handle and i hate that.

mental health resources here are so lacking though and after my last experience with a therapist + trying to find resources for family members in crisis i feel so drained and frustrated with everything i just don’t want to bother. on top of looking for another job and worrying about my family and not being able to enjoy my hobbies anymore and never being able to sleep well i feel like i’m at my fucking wits end dude like i don’t understand why regardless of how hard i try or what i do nothing seems to get any better. and all anyone has to say about it is they’re sorry. no one knows what to say. and like of course not because who would have all the answers but sometimes i just want to fucking tear my head off because i don’t think anyone realizes how fucking badly i just don’t want to be here and it takes constant effort for me to not think about anything but being dead rofl like i think maybe some people think im exaggerating or joking or trying to make people feel sorry for me but i genuinely loathe being alive like actually fucking hate it and think im not supposed to be here. and everything is a reminder that im not good enough at something or not where i need to be. im tired of always whining lmao i know it’s annoying like i can feel that people around me are fatigued with me being like this but i don’t know what else to do anymore like i don’t know how much more im expected to take? i don’t have anything going for me and there’s nothing to look forward to. anyway if you read this thanks for caring and again im sorry this blog has turned into me just nonstop complaining but it’s just like. Lol. i don’t know how anybody does it. i don’t see the beauty in life anymore. im just tired. i feel empty 90% of the time and i cry almost every day. i just wish it would stop. i don’t understand what i possibly could’ve done to deserve this level of unhappiness but i genuinely believe god fucking hates me and is punishing me because i’ve done something wrong in this life or maybe a past one. i miss my grandpa and i wish i could disappear

[moonysfavoritetoast]

lil rant i’m sorry

actually fuck everyone because i just want a sibling who actually fucking cares about me i get the bitch is ten but she tries so hard to make it obvious she doesn’t care and i hate it i fucking hate it “evan- evan no- evan evan are you ok! evan evan evan no!” all in the same sentance please for the love of god just deadname me if you’re going to say my chosen name every other fucking word like she does it constantly and it’s so fucking annoying she fucking hates me and it’s so fucking obvious she only talks to me if she needs something and absolutely hates when i try to talk to her or whenever i’m fucking stimming and then she gets all angry when i tell her to go away like she doesn’t do the same shit to me whenever i talk to her she tries to copy me in every way possible she came out as fucking bisexual (she isn’t.) two days after i told her i was (she was a third grader.) and when i got my binder she started always saying “actually i want one too! i hate my chest” she is fucking ten she doesn’t have a chest to hide and if she’s really that uncomfortable with it then she should fucking wear bigger clothes instead of always getting tight fucking tshirts and tank tops and she started getting fucking pink cargo pants (she has like eight pairs) just because that’s how i dress (but black mostly) and she wants to get a bunch of preppy band shirts to look like me it’s so fucking annoying every interest i have she takes from me everything that makes me me she tries to copy and people wonder why i don’t draw and edit and collect things anymore like the only thing she won’t do is collect rocks (crystals, etc) and cut her hair because well she likes her long hair SO MUCH and she won’t dye it because “it’s blonde!!!” it’s fucking brown dumbass if you want to keep your blonde hair go outside more instead of fucking staying UNDER your blanket all day on your phone but NO i cant say anything about it because she’s sensitive and if i do i get my phone taken away and speaking of her being under her blanket all day, she always gets me sick bc of it she will breathe in her own fucking sick all day and then come and get in my face and breathe at me and i always get sick worse because of it like she’ll have a runny/stuffy nose and i’ll have my sinuses backed up to the point my ears hurt and i can’t have headphones in and i cant move my neck or shoulders, she’ll have a slight cough and i’ll have a cough that hurts my chest so bad i cant breathe and OH MY FUCKING GOD can i talk about her speach impediment like she thinks it’s all cute bc it gets her sympathy but then comes home crying because someone thought she was speaking spanish like she’s literally in speach therapy maybe if she listened she would talk better and EVERYONE PRAISES HER for saying penguin so clearly WHEN IT SOUNDS LIKE “dendgwin” AND THE WAY SHE SAYS QUIET???? I FUCKING HATE IT IT MAKES ME WANT TO CRY AND IM NOT FUCKING EXAGGERATING “dwiET!” EVERY TIME THE DOGS BARK (every day when my dad gets home from work) OR YESTERDAY I WAS TALKING AND SHE WAS TRYING TO SAY SOMETHING SO SHE STARTED TELLING ME TO BE QUIET SO I SAID “stop telling me to be quiet, i don’t like how you say it.” AND MY DAD FUCKING YELLED AT ME FOR SAYING THAT BC SHE STARTED CRYING and i’m expected to make her food whenever i make MYSELF food like bitch is ten she should know how to make herself ramen ugh

[lonelyalien369]

i feel like my mom is always mad at me (not always but anxiety is the exaggerator) and that's why i keep having dreams where we're fighting and i get very mad and im still mad at her when i wake up for some reason as if what she did in the dream was actually her fault. but idk. i never feel comfortable talking about my struggles with her and im not sure why. is it that im afraid of people in general thinking im begging for attention or something or am i afraid of her response specifically? my memory is so shit so i cant bring myself to a specific example but theres just this feeling in my head that if i get personal with her shes going to ridicule me for some reason. like maybe, i guess, i don't complain about work anymore because then she one ups me about how she works TWO jobs and i have sooo many days off and blah blah blah like okay man but youre physically abled and shit and im not. just because i dont have some horrible debilitating illness diagnosed doesn't mean im not fucking struggling through everyday. you dont know half the shit i go through every day because i stopped telling you a long ass time ago. i stopped when i was a teenager because no one ever believed me. why would i have reason to think anyone would now? i just get slapped with a "fibromyalgia" diagnosis and told to go home. hey, what about my balance problems? my lack off appetite and subsequent weight loss? my constant migraines? my daily pain? whatever man. she doesn't know any of it. i don't tell her. why would i ever think she would believe it? i dont know if im justified in thinking that, but im terrified of finding out, so i never do. i keep it all to myself like i always have. yep. it always works. im doing great. justt peachy. god, i feel like she barely knows me. does that make me terrible? i don't even want to talk to her anymore. i just want to silently slink off to my room for the night. i never know how to bring any of this shit up. my dad may have been explosive when it came to criticizing him, but my mom wasn't far fucking behind. and she likes to pretend they're so different. i guess i get it, i have rejection sensitive dysphoria, so even polite corrections feel like shots to the face, but i dont react by vehemently lashing out and stubbornly defending myself. i just shut up, shut down and leave to cry. but they get angry. and theyll insist they're right. and you can never ever change their mind about nearly anything. we don't talk about cops anymore. i try to stop my siblings from saying stuff like acab because i know shes going to get pissy and defensive about it. when they dont live with her they forget how sensitive she is. i used to be annoyed when theyd feel bad for me for still living with her. but fuck, i get it now. trying to build a long term relationship with her kind of just... hits this wall. you cant get vulnerable with her. it feels too uncomfortable. you feel like you're going to be judged, because you HAVE been. its not an unreasonable assumption. and its BROKEN us. where else am i going to go? i dont have a relationship, no friends to go to, and she's dependent on me too.

.... we're going to have to break the uncomfortable silence eventually. its only hard to talk if you don't try. if this keeps brewing, we're only going to drift apart. and then we'll just have a bunch of regrets...... i wonder if she thinks these things too. i wonder if she wants to be vulnerable, but doesn't want to put the burden on me. you cant exactly read other peoples minds. ..... i cant start tonight. but i.. i often find that i misread her emotional state. i tend to think shes upset with me when shes quiet . but most of the time shes just doing something and its fine. i always assume. fuck. i wish i just had a normal relationship with my parents. does anyone have that? that would be fucking nice.

[ireallylikehickorysticksyay]

just need to get something off my chest here. im sorry if im yucking on your yum but it truly is irksome.

an intrusive thought? is not a "bad thought" you think BECAUSE of a strong emotion

it is a "bad thought" that CAUSES a strong emotion

a guy on the train is being obnoxious so you have a snippet of fantasizing about giving him a piece of your mind or doing onto him as he's doing to others? "oh he's pissing me off i could just toss him out the window" that's just a petty thought, an emotional thought, perhaps an invasive one. an urge mayhaps.

your best friend who you adore is sitting on the bus and there is no tention between you, and you have a flash of "what would it sound like to toss them out the window" maybe you see or feel it happening even though you're sitting still? that causes you great stress? that is an intrusive thought

i adore cats but i can't pet them often or for very long because my brain is flooded with images of me dismembering them. sometimes i can feel the blood cool on my hands and turn tacky their claws digging into me, squirming, flailing to try and get away. i can hear their hypothetical screams, i can feel a burning tense energy building up as if my body is getting ready to do it. all while im petting them gently and im too scared to push them off my lap incase i accidentally throw them through the window or trample them to death in a self fuffilling prophecy, unfortunately, no i am not exaggerating. this horrifies me. obviously. it would cause anguish to anyone. it fucks with me so much so that i can't always eat, not even just an aversion to meat or fake meat or turning the stove on, or picking up a knife, but even straight up tomato sauce, sometimes im too exhausted or stressed to eat. because of that "what if i'd done it. what if i'd done it in my sleep. i would never know."

i lose sleep over the sheer concept of what if the intrusive thought wins. ive been locked in a hospital room because i was keen to die because of this. both from the fear of myself and the dread of what others might think if they'd known, if they'd think me a monster and be right as if their thoughts would prove to me i actually would do these things. i didnt like these thoughts of course but what if they did mean something about me? i get the urge to jump in front of oncoming traffic because of these thoughts, i can feel the wind be knocked out of me before the internal flash of my eyes. my bones crushing and puncturing my skin from the inside the failure of my bladder or bowels from the impact the scrapping of the pavement as i land the weight and grinding of the wheels going over me squishing blood from my minced entrails and this vivid imagination of such a demise may be intrusive for others but it is welcomed in the home that is my desolate mind. a brief heavenly hyperfixation to distract from what i otherwise cannot escape.

i get that sometimes you learn a new phrase or a new word and you're excited to use it, but part of learning words is learning their meaning. you eating the cookie from your friends hand and laughing about it is not "listening to the intrusive thought" it is not "the intrusive thought won" it's "my urge was followed through on" "my inner cookie monster won"

it's "im close enough to my friend that we can do weird annoying shit and laugh it off, if not immediately, then certainly later. thus me eating their cookie like a fucked up demonic seagul is the deepest sign of respect trust and love there is"

im sorry to yuck on peoples yum, no one who does or says this is a bad person nor do they deserve harassment, id hope that much would be obvious. it's just grating and maybe im a sensitive snowflake but my god is it a slap in the fucking face.

[angeltiique]

OH MY GOD.

i just realised.

this is my blog.

i can do whatever i want.

so heres a giant fucking ramble with as many thoughts on Shenggou Ye as i can manage (who if you dont know is an oc belonging to my wonderful best friend reese aka rai aka rai.diate and her story universe Liar Liar Chaos Fire 😁 she doesnt know im doing this, this is for me):

if you dont know how did you NOT know shenggou ye accidentally became a biiiiiiit of a hyperfixation for me (exaggerating). reese and i can't exactly pinpoint when it started but we think its around the time we started a zombie apocolypse roleplay with us two and another friend <3

i love him so much i daydream and fantasise about him every moment i get. i see the colour red, or a wild dog or hyena, something to do with kung fu, or any obscure thing that i manage to tie him to and i go absolutely FERAL. hyenas are now my favourite animal because of him. i see a ricecooker and laugh at how he loves rice because his asian ass is so goofy (just like me fr). i love the colours red and teal which are his main colours. my favourite songs are loose cannon by set it off and mama by mcr which are his songs. he is TAKING OVER MY LIFE /POS

i feel bad that i dont get like this with other characters, especially my other friends and even my OWN, but thats just what ended up happening and i cannot seem to control myself lol

i even made up a list of why i kin him do you want to see it well too bad youre seeing it anyway i told you this is a megapost megalist mega fuckfest okay not a fuckfest but you get the idea:

SHENGGOU KIN MOMENTS:

- large hearts, both literally and metaphorically

- imposter syndrome (self-doubt, feeling like a fraud/liar)

- scared of being disowned/losing loved ones

- making jokes during serious moments (struggling to cope so makes light of the situation = ends up brushing it off/ignoring it)

- loving our best friend from high school fr fr /gen /pl and being so excited when we see them <3

- saying fucky ass and baybee (im the reason he says it LMAOOO)

- gayass motherfuckers (both bi)

- WE BOTH HAVE PUSSIES LMAOOOO and we aren't really dysphoric about it hell yeah (im trans and sheng is intersex 💪)

- lying lying chaos crying (i know a lot of them lie but shhhhhh)

- not being good at voice regulation/shutting the fuck up LMAO (apparently its a sign of autism... shenggou ye autism real!!? /j)

- having silly laughs <3 idk my mama makes fun of my laughs and he has a silly laugh it counts sshhhh

- he probably sits on surfaces weirdly or on places you wouldn't normally sit on, and i sit weirdly so YEAH

- sex jokes? yes please (they are funny !!!)

- dramatic as hell but its because we are silly goofy

- annoying as fuck but its slash pos

and thats all i had but theres probably more in fact im doing things because he does them, like saying "L" LMAOO BUT i mean it in an endearing way 🫶

ive also been calling my mother mama a LOT more like thats WHAT ive been calling her exclusively and i know for a fact its because shenggou calls HIS MOTHER mama and the song mama by mcr again. tsk tsk this hyperfixation is legit taking over. but i love it so much.

hes all i want to daydream about. we (friends and i) have a running joke that he is my husband, i love calling him my dearest darling husband shenggou ye. its great. but i like thinking about him with me during the day, maybe doing something stupid or dangerous and laughing at him, him helping me calm tf down when im stressed. its a weird coping mechanism but strangely effective!! i prefer keeping to myself but thinking about him with me makes me feel more seen and heard and loved. and reese is a bit like him, so its also like having my best friend with me even if shes not really. i like to think i can tell shenggou anything because thats how i feel about her. again, its all really stupid and cringe but its really nice and fun

im only now realising this is probably just turning a friends oc into a para. or like. something like a para. i mean the daydreams do get vivid.. Huh!

anyway thats about all i feel like sharing, i dont expect anyone to see this like all my other posts, i just enjoy screaming into the void and seeing if anyone screams back. let it be known, having weird coping mechanisms is cool and youre so.valid. /gen biggest hugest thank you to my bestie reese for creating this goober i am obsessed with. without her art that captures his handsomeness and her writing that demonstrates his personality i would never have fallen so deeply in love with him to the point of delusion.

Now if you'll Excuse me. i am going to dream the Best dreams (shenggou will be in it). thank you and Goodnight ^_^

[nanjokei]

oh god a project moon tier meta post, how bad was it

shockingly pretentious post going "i love how the characters don't have extreme speech patterns" then doesn't elaborate but only states facts at you with no bearing on WHY they like this, and describes the following, parenthesis is my own commentary when needed:

the character who uses -dono for everyone doesn't go full ninja (he uses -dono and gozaru because he's a geek. it's not rocket science)

the cult leader.....speaks like a cult leader (wow)

the protagonist is very polite but still has no issues cussing people out (yes... because he's kind of a detached bitch for many reasons.. i don't think this is rocket science either)

the annoying guy who does things to annoy the protagonist is annoying and speaks in a frivolous way but not too much because he's cunning and is faking it (no shit sherlock...)

now its pretty catty of me to describe the post to you like this especially considering anyone who takes one look at my blog will realize exactly what tag i was visiting and if OP stumbles across this— maybe just block me or something, but i also found it a little amusing there was a lot of highlighting of how they read the text on their own or whatever. (who cares. you are not special. i will go on as usual)

i personally read the fan tl for the main game (cc subs, so i can see the jp dialogue underneath, so im still aware of how ppl talk in the original text) because im lazy and there's too many hawd wowds fow widdle old me, read parts of the dlc (beginning and end, read the fan tl in the middle) on my own and then the subsequent game in the series, so i can weigh in on the labored upon "speech patterns" in their post— it is utterly mundane. i don't think anything special about the way most of the characters speak for the most part— the dialogue has very strong character voice present (something to lament about the existing fan translation.. i mean no disrespect bc they do fine for the bulk of it but the tone is so Neutral). and had i made that post, i would use literally any other set of characters. not exaggerating at all. at the end of the day it is just a fandom meta post and nothing serious, but this "stating objective facts without elaborating and acting smart for it" brand of meta post TRULY gets under my skin. you asked me about "projmoon fan tier" in particular so you must know exactly what i mean for it to pique your interest.

my entire point here is "WHAT DID YOU MEAN BY THIS" and "WHY DO YOU THINK THAT IS GOOD". none of which the post communicates. it just feels like posturing for the sake of it. if they said "i like the dialogue like that" or "i think the character voice is strong" (as i said on my own just now) it'd be FINE. but the fact that i just had objective facts spit up at me with no thoroughline to the thesis of the post. and like, i don't think i'm very smart. i guarantee i may have said something dumb in this ask or contradicted myself and i acknowledge i am being PETTY. however... it really is an issue i have with "analysis" on here. also, this series has a strong presence of projmoon fans so like.

thank you for letting me rant about this a bit btw nonnie

[reallilystuff]

HOOHOOOOO IM. midgame i think. not sure how far in it is but the sky's red like in the og games. the plot is getting JUICY we're getting to the MEAT AND POTATOES.

quick warning for a whole ramble abt my thoughts on Pokemon Legends Arceus characters n stuff under the read more i'm not exaggerating its LONG (for my standards, considering my usual short lil posts), probably has mild spoilers

also cogita....she so purrrdy..... i was actually wondering when she was gonna be coming along since i've seen so much debate over her connection to cynthia. wondering if volo and cogita are actually related or if they just look really similar. it's actually bothering me

about the blond bi twink with long hair previously mentioned, i don't think volos going to be THAT bad. all i know about him is he has an end battle (saw a soundtrack thumbnail on youtube a long while back something about a wielder??? does he like. wield simps bc thats all i see on pinterest comments 😭) and i've HEARD he's a little shit but idk how and im dodging spoilers like my life DEPENDS on it. he LOOKS so evil tho. he's just a lil creeture tho...... mans is CHILLING over here.

speaking of little shit. KAMADO. WHAT IS WRONG WITH THIS GUY. OHHHH MY GOD. "yeahhh send the 15 year old out. just get that guy out of here. if they die then rip bozo lawl" WHAT IS HIS PROBLEMMMMM.... tbh i think he's actually gonna end up being evil or something. as like. a lil twist. as a treat. cyllene's kinda goated tho. she's like. warm and icy at the same time. does that make sense. i think she has SO much character potential rn and its making my brain run at jet speeds

everytime i see rei that poor little meow meow has a funnier face expression. speaking of which im starting to wonder if barry has an ancestor at all??? where is he. put up the missing posters. that little weirdo was one of my faves back when i played pokemon pearl. LET ME SEE HIM....NOW!!! 🌩

sabi is cheryl i think!!! and cheryl mention makes me so happy

that avalugg bossfight had me fucking TERRIFIED btw. i swear what is it with the games i've been playing recently making me realize i have whole ass new fears (roblox pressure and this one because HOOOOLY THAT THANG WAS HUGE. I DIDN'T EXPECT NEITHER THE TRENCHBLEEDERS(pressure) NOR THE AVALUGG TO BE THAT MASSIVE.) that particular boss fights funny because like. dark souls type boss fight + touhou(its likely not touhou but the bullet patterns reminded me of it). it's a good day to be an infernape user

irida's really starting to grow on me tbh kinda thought she was annoying at first and also. she just. teleports to you after battles i swear how does she TRAVEL that fast. girlies sprinting over to themc just to argue with adaman right in front of us. but like!! she's actually just cool!!! also holy shit some of the dialogue the pearl clan givesyou makes me feel bad for her (and also mild relatability emphasis on mild)

also lots of adaman simps too weirdly enough??? don't get it tbh he's just a guy. is it the eyeliner. the hair. what is it.

nothing to say about lian or mai bc i have no idea who their descendants are supposed to be. i think mais ancestor was in platinum? so that probably explains it but idk who lians is. is it that one person from alola with the donkey i forgot their name. i don't have a clear image so that might make me sound bonkers if im off WAIT NO I REMEMBER IT WAS THE GIRL WITH THE BRAIDS. yeah probably not related. think their eyes just looked similar in my head. anyways

nothing to say about melli but i saw an image that just said he's bi but no one wants him and YEAH LMFAOO. i kinda dig the disgusted expressions he has they're just. so evident. lmao. thought he was a girl up until they mentioned him with he/him pronouns and it was like WHA....... oh okay cool. also thought he was fantinas ancestor (give me a break it's been a while since i've played any pokemon game) bc.....porple hair....yea.....

idk what else to say other than my only complaint is HOOOOLY the character customization in this game is barren. i think kalos spoiled me with all its prettiness and cute outfits ngl but DAMN can i get ONE. PASTEL PINK. ITEM. and not hot barbie pink. no hate to that shade it just doesn't look right with this games lighting to me, it just appears kinda red/purple instead. other than that i'm fucking mcloving it so far.

another thing there is a singular black hairstyle which. eh i guess it's one step towards improvement (kalos didnt have that i think? cant remember) but im REALLY hoping legends za has more black-aligned hairstyles when it comes along. PLEASE I CANT KEEP DOING STRAIGHT HAIR. PLEAASE. braids cornrows curly hair space buns dreads theres SO MUCH TO EXPLORE. idk if i'll buy scarlet/violet but im hoping that game actually has options since i've heard nice things abt the hair customization. other than that i aint know nothing

but also like. really hoping this is just midgame bc i feel like the warden/noble things went by SO fast....im 60 hours in and most of it was shiny hunting (that kadabra changed something in my brain i'm never going to be the same). if i spend only another hour playing and the game ends im gonna be so sad like actually. especially because i think im overlevelled rn so the games already pretty easy (ranging from lv. 67 to 72 i think?)

swear to god i need to stop being late to every fandom i arrive in i cant take having to dodge spoilers like this while needing to know everything abt the game 💀

on a better note the nostalgia crying i experienced is starting to wear down thankfully, i mean its not a bad thing anyways it was just. starting to kinda annoy me lol

slenderarceus be like Collect my Pokemon

[thatwildnya]

commission for @bestwishes2u ! thank u for the cash money~

What do you think the dorm leaders plus Jamil and Lillia would do if they learned that the M/C couldn't read? They've been isekai'd so it makes sense for there to be some language barriers. Not sure if I should ask for platonic or romantic... I guess that part can be a surprise~

for the sake of the headcanons i will be making the language of twisted wonderland japanese and mc can speak it because magical iseki plot magic says so

also u can take this a platonic or romantic go wild have fun

Riddle

how have you managed to make it this far

whelp now that he knows it’s study time

have fun you’re not leaving the dorm anytime soon

he knows many tips for memorization so there’s a plus

goes full teacher on you

you either thrive under his teaching style or die

there is no in between

Leona

honestly impressed

you’ve made it pretty far despite this setback

won’t help you if you aren’t dating

and even then it’ll take a lot of convincing

surprisingly good at teaching

his explanations are simple but easy to understand

you’ll be reading in no time yeet

Azul

how.

that’s his first question

then moves on to making a deal

take his fancy cane and whap him on the noggin if ur dating

don’t got no time for dis just teach me twink

don’t actually call him that he will cry

he will have you reading simple chapter books in a week if you’re determined enough

gib ‘im a kiss ‘e deserves it

Kalim

the most impressed by your achievements

if it were him he’d probably be dead within a week

buys children's work books for you

also surprisingly good at tutoring you

he starts out with simple essentials and goes from there

knows a thing or two about languages cuz y’know daddy big merchantman

Jamil

is kinda ashamed he was defeated by someone who can’t read

won’t help unless you’re his lover

he already has to tutor kailm he has enough shit to worry about

wouldn’t mind giving some tips tho

tutors you while keeping kalim occupied with a laserlight

don’t ask questions just focus little one let the jingle boy chase the red dot

Vil

there are two ways this can go

1: impressive i will have rook teach you he is bilingual

2: oh hell naw no lover of mine will be left unable to read the products of the back of a shampoo bottle buckle up buttercup it’s time to bring out the whip books

like riddle you either thrive or die hopefully it's the former

gives positive reinforcement through unhealthy snackys

it’s a privilege you must earn peasant

Idia

*let's put exaggerated gasp*

how will you be able to read manga

this is a crisis time to crack down

does quick research and gives you a brand new laptop for learning purposes

puts on anime without audio with subtitles 

want to know what’s happening? learn to read normie

if you get frustrated he tries to cheer you up with candy please stop crying he doesn’t know how to properly socialize

Malleus

impressive hooman

he pats your head and offers to teach you

this quickly ends with lilia teaching you he is actually really bad at this

what do you mean you don’t understand it’s simple

gets pouty seeing you spend so much time with his vice

that should be him not the old bat

learns how to tutor better just because of this

Lilia

probably knew beforehand and was the one to bring it up

do not worry young one daddy is here to help

depending on your learning style decides how well he can tutor you

he may be old but he’s not perfect

buys you workbooks like kalim

also does flashcards

keeps trying to reward you with his cooking until you threaten to go to someone else

no wait come back he’ll stop don’t leave peepaw alone

~special bonus round~

Grim

has had to read everything for you and was annoyed by this thank god you're finally getting someone to teach you he has had enough of dis shiz now give him tuna he deserves it

[missy-0-piink]

Here’s a fun concept: Mykola with a mummy kink. He seems like the kind of person to go along with it just to humour you before realising that he actually really likes it ftyfytftfty

Oh my, yes 🤩

Also quick question, is it weird that I prefer the spelling “mommy” for this kink even though im Australian, idk I just think about those petulant children that pronounce it like “mummay, mummay! Buy me that toy now!” 💀

He’d totally laugh in your face when you bring it up, but he still does it for shits and giggles and thinks nothing will come of it

Boy is he wrong

When you kiss him and caress his body in foreplay, he jokingly moans out exaggerated “mommy”s, like, really fucking over the top

It’s annoying, but you expected this, and you know he’ll eventually realise he does like it

When you start prepping him for your strap, you start throwing in praises like “you’re mommy’s good boy, aren’t you?” And, “oh my sweet baby boy, you look so beautiful like this”

(Btw can you tell I have a kink for giving praise 💀)

That’s when mykola has an existential crisis because oh shit that’s hot

That’s when you get the first genuine whimper of mommy

It’s so quiet and hushed, but yet so desperate, and it sends an ache to your core

You, of course, praise him so good for saying that that it makes him moan out that word even more

This is when mykola realised that he’s in too deep now

When you finally start thrusting into him? God, he so subby, which is a hard state to get him in and it’s a surprise to you because it usually takes a lot longer

“Aww, does my baby like calling me mommy?” You coo into his ear, and he responds with a desperate, “ye- ah!-Yes, mommy!”, cutting himself off with his own moans

The soft praises that you give him make him feel so loved and cared for, tears involuntarily start streaming down his face, a result of a mixture of physical and emotional feelings

After sex, mykola cuddles into you, laying his head on your chest

“Wow. I cant believe I like calling you that!” He laughs, “what next, I suck milk outta your titties-“

“Mykola”

“Haha! What, it’s funny!”

————

Sorry if it’s bad it’s 2:00 am and I’m dead tired 😭

[constellaj]

Genuine question to your last humorous post (it got a chuckle out of me so thank you for that) would you say Danny ITA here? Or Sidney for that matter? I keep seeing mixed reviews on the both of them in the phandom per this episode and I’d love to hear your thoughts on it!

ok bet

i think danny is 14

heres the thing right is yeah blahblah abuse or whatever bad but a) middle school bullying is always comedically exaggerated for kids media, esp and DP and b) 14 year olds are just like that. like literally the capacity for empathy is not fully developed at that age. this is also recognized in-universe; Vlad goes iirc "of course you wouldnt understand, you're what, fourteen?" and danny says "hello misplaced aggression"-- so applying the "children are shitheads" logic isnt just something I can say from the armchair, but within the show itself. basically i think he gets a bit of a free pass on being an asshole because of the Circumstances that are about being a teenager

2. the argument that "fighting your bullies makes you as bad as them" IS a shit argument, but theres Context DP has

yeah yeah fight back against ur oppressors or w/e (please god remember dp is a show about a nerdy elmersona who thinks hes a better person than he is, and NOT a succint and valuable critique on class relations in contemporary america.) but like. buddy. he can walk thru walls disappear and fly. dudes bringing a gun to a fork fight. if we're reading into deep metaphorical language here then literally whatever danny is doing is 100000% worse than dash. dash does physical assault (bad). DANNY does physical assault (bad), reputational ruining (bad), mental assault/gaslighting (bad), and psychological trauma (very bad. we see in that same episode that getting possessed is absolutely horrifying and dannys just doing it for a Bit. a Joke. a Gag if you will). what I'm saying is if you want to approach this issue as a microcosm of a larger conceptual element, you cannot walk away from here saying danny is NTA. luckily for me i dont give a shit about this point like, at all, and in fact am mostly tired of hearing it

3. fuck sidney

maybe this is rewrite bleed (it is <3 I made him a redditor) but sidney is just so much of a nothing, stupid character it hurts. dude haunted the locker NEXT TO DASH for at least a school year and his first conclusion was that dash was some POOR VICTIM OF BULLYING? if we gloss over that then its just like. what does he do here. 1) terrifies children internationally with that possession sequence 2) traps danny in 50s hell 3) is the episodic antagonist 4) has an annoying voice 5) gets. redeemed? for some ungodly reason? sidney in this ep is a metaphor/stand-in for danny's recompense and Not Bullying, but he's. EVIL? but we're supposed to be chill with it? except when we're not. and SIDNEY bullying bullies is (goood? funny???) except when the narrative needs him to be the Good Person he totally drops that entire personality and is now bffs with dash? i do not understand what the fuck he means within the larger narrative, like at all. as such im just like. fuck this kid fuck this episode in its entirety and it makes me want to disagree with the episode premise just bc its poorly written

4. dash did nothing wrong

dash did nothing wrong. i have a brand to keep but for real tho like, the conceit of this episode is that bullying is normal within the world yeah? like its not GREAT but danny and sidney aren't demonized for it (the conflict is about like. learning to be liked as a person? OKAY fucking ripoff side tangent here but SIDNEY gets to be bffs with DASH and ALSO his 50s bully -- if Sidney is a character parallel to danny WHY DOESNT DANNY BEFRIEND DASH BY THE END OF THE EPISODE? GOD? IT MAKES NO SENSE) and dash's is just like. slightly annoying slapstick. dash's character is also built on super dumb hypermasculine traits like hazing, ie, a bonding experience (even though danny might not see it as such). instead of like. talking w dash. or using his powers to impress him. (you know. what sidney does. right here). danny just goes "die a thousand deaths" and slams his head into a locker. like. bro. Unproductive. PLUS when sidney DOES stop being a shithead to dash (again i will never understand why. hes a fucking trainwreck of a character), dash IMMEDIATELY does a 180? like hazing continues but after the football scene dash is genuinely impressed. bro if you just get on dash's playing field he will literally do nothing. according to this episode anyway

summary: this episode fucking sucks

basically i think this episode is horribly plotted + written and the overall message/theme gets very muddled very quickly because its more of a "what would happen, realistically??" story than a "this is a story with a message that the universe will bend to accommodate" and thats just like. NOT good for this kind of "is he an asshole" discussion. in a realistic setting id say yeah danny ITA because. bro. you could do LITERALLY anything else. but not in a condemnatory way. like if danny was telling this story at college and making fun of himself when he was 14 id be like omggg daniel you did NOT. shut up thats so funny.

anyway if im extrapolating whatever message this ep was trying to push, and debating it with the rest of danny phantom tumblr as if it were a cohesive plot worth arguing about, id say ESH. sam is supposed to be a "rebel" yet she hates beating up dash. sidney is supposed to fight for the "little guys" yet he doesnt fucking know dash is the bully. danny psychologically tortures people which i think is probably a war crime.

except dash tho. i have a brand to keep and that means that everything he did in this episode was fine actually. he was having a bad day <3 he beats the shit out of dweebs to cope <3

[daffodildazaiwrites]

can i pls request poly hcs for chuuya/reader/dazai bc i love them very much and also i just wanna date them both. perhaps just like “how they met” + cute relationship hcs if that’s ok!! nsfw is optional! Thank u so much ^^

THIS IS SUCH A GREAT REQUEST! Thank you so much anon! Also since I felt like it would be easier to establish a relationship like that I took the liberty of making the reader a part of the Port Mafia. It just seemed easier then to write reader as a part of the agency,  I hope you enjoy, this was super fun to write!!!! Also I love writing poly relationships so feel free to requests more!

also ofc im writing nsfw it’s a shame that you even considered that i might not lol

Warning: Explicit sinful content at the end

Commissions | Ko-Fi

Your relationship with Chuuya was already well established on the day you met Dazai. Your relationship with Chuuya was of being flirty friends that always came to the edge of being something more. You weren’t going to lie, after working with the red head for so long you had developed a minor crush. 

Meeting Dazai for the first time was one of the most confusing instances that happened to you. First of all, for someone who was imprisoned by the Port Mafia he had quite the mouth on him and second you’ve never witnessed Chuuya act so irrationally annoyed at someone before. At least someone other than you. 

You’ve heard many stories about Dazai Osamu before, especially from Chuuya. You’ve expected the man to, at least, look more threatening. But after the interrogation began you noticed where his true weapon layed, his mind. That same weapon was the reason why you were so mesmerized by him. You could never admit this to Chuuya though. Dazai was the enemy and from the seeming of it, Chuuya absolutely despised him. 

Dazai, noticing your lingering stares and open body language, was quick to engage in conversation. He was much more flirtatious then you anticipated and to be honest, it kind of worked. Blood rushed to your cheeks as you looked the other way. Dazai wasn’t the only one to notice your reaction. 

“You’ve got to be kidding me.” 

“What?”

Meanwhile Chuuya was the embodiment of mixed emotions. Seeing Dazai after so long made him want to kick his face in to the wall and hug him. He was highly confused about the latter. But his rage grew when Dazai shamelessly flirted with you and that it worked????? he was appalled.

He never acted on it but he kind of figured you had a crush on him but apparently you also are head over heels about Dazai? He took in a deep breath. He might’ve over exaggerate the second part a bit. 

After the encounter, Dazai visited both you and Chuuya frequently and as time passed it was harder and harder to consider Dazai as the enemy. Even Chuuya didn’t seem surprised anymore that the man just showed up in your shared apartment. After a certain hour the two of you grew accustomed to hear a knock at the window. 

The only issue was that Dazai and Chuuya fought all the time. It was tiring for you. Especially when their competitiveness over you grew, you felt like a toy that was trying to be shared among two toddlers. 

The first sudden realization that you might have feelings for the two men you have grown accustomed to is when Chuuya blatantly told you that he wouldn’t mind if you wanted to be with Dazai and that he would understand. You couldn’t be with either of them because you had fallen for them both. 

Chuuya is relieved when you don’t choose. Even if he wanted you happiness he couldn't bare the idea  of losing two people he cared about. He could still argue that he hated Dazai with a fiery passion but he would be fooling no one. 

Dazai is the first one to suggest a poly relationship as the three of you were lounging on the couch. Your head resting on Dazai’s lap as your legs rested on Chuuya’s. With confusion both you and Chuuya stared at him. You’ve heard the term before but you had no idea how it would work. 

When Dazai explained the fundamentals of a poly relationship, you’re relieved. There was nothing wrong with you. You weren’t selfish or insatiable. Dazai’s proposition felt like a blessing and eased your troubled heart. 

Chuuya on the underhand, still felt confused. He felt that trouble and heartbreak was inevitable in such a relationship. Especially because he had convinced himself Dazai was only suggestion such a thing for your sake. It wasn’t hard to see how you felt about the both of them so to him, it seemed like Dazai was just trying to spare your feelings. When your sparkling eyes landed on Chuuya, he felt as if he had to say yes, for your sake at least. 

Dazai eased Chuuya’s mind when he admitted that he cared for the both of you and that he simply didn’t want to choose. He also added that they practically lived together anyway. This was enough to convince Chuuya but due to Dazai being a part of the Armed Detective Agency they had to keep it a secret. Dazai had no problem with this but both you and Chuuya weren’t really known to be good at being secretive. You were just too impulsive. Besides what if they had to attack the agency, what then? 

But then again, none of you wanted to back down, therefore your relationship began. 

General Relationship:

 Dazai is a brat. He wants everything to go according to his plans. The fact that he’s very good at reading the both of you makes it easy for him to get his way. He doesn’t mind playing minor tricks or manipulation tactics to get you and Chuuya to do stuff you don’t originally want to do. It’s exhausting to constantly trying to understand if Dazai was genuine or just wanted you to do something. Chuuya suggested that he should just kick him in the face as a punishment but you preferred to actually communicate. The two of you sit Dazai down and tell him how awful you and Chuuya had been feeling. He’s shocked at first because he had no idea the issue had gotten that big, but he’s quick to apologize. 

You and Chuuya mostly do the cooking. In fact you’re not going to even take credit, Chuuya is the actual one who cooks. You’re usually there more as an assistant. Since Dazai, for the sake of keeping the relationship off grid, comes home late the meals are usually prepared and waiting for him. Also Dazai tried to cook once, the kitchen caught on fire so Chuuya forbade him to cook ever again. 

Dazai tends to tease the both of you a lot. Whenever the mafia and agency clashes in some way, he says the most inappropriate things and it flusters both of you. In fact, you saw the whole agency looking at Dazai with utter confusion and discomfort whenever he opened his mouth near the two of you. Chuuya ended up strangling Dazai when he got home and honestly, you let it go on more than necessary. 

Unfortunately, since the relationship is secret you can’t really go on outside dates. The three of you stay indoors and your dates would usually consists of binging movies or reading books. The three of you decided to go out on full moons only. Chuuya would prepare a basket filled with you and Dazai’s favorites and would go on a moonlit picnic. 

Chuuya is the jealous one. He hates when anyone so much as glances at you or Dazai. Of course, Dazai loves to play it up a bit especially if he KNOWS Chuuya can’t say anything or else he’ll be in trouble. In the end both you and Dazai shower the redhead with extra affection when the three of you are at home or else he’ll be super cranky for a week. 

Dazai and Chuuya are both very open with their affection. They love to shower you with kisses and hugs. Chuuya especially. Since you and Chuuya work together it’s more easy for him to hold you hand or hug you from behind in the day time. Even if he would never admit it Dazai does get jealous because you two get to spend more time together while in the meanwhile he has to jump through hoops to see the two of you. 

Chuuya smokes when he’s stressed and basically WW3 begins in the house. The two of you hate the smell and want him to stop. 

“It’s just one smoke. It’s not like I smoke all the time.” 

“SMOKING KILLS!”

“OH MY GOD IT’S JUST ONE SMOKE, I’M STRESSED!”

“DON’T TRY THAT CRAP ON ME WE WORK AT THE SAME PLACE!” 

“Look you ALWAYS leave an empty carton of milk in the fridge and don’t get me started on Dazai!”

“What do I do?!” 

“IT’S LIKE YOU DON’T EVEN TRY TO AIM WHEN YOU GO TO THE TOILET!”

When the three of you drink, usually wine, you and Dazai’s favorite thing is to get Chuuya drunk. He gets super clingy and affectionate and downright adorable when he’s drunk. Even with Dazai, Chuuya doesn’t hesitate to sit on his lap and give him a sloppy kiss and mumble how much he likes him. Then he starts to cry because he just loves the two of you so much and in the end he ALWAYS falls asleep on either yours or Dazai’s lap. 

The fact that Chuuya and Dazai are absolute troublemakers you worry constantly. Even if you can keep an eye on Chuuya and make him not fight literally everyone that he sees, there’s really no telling what Dazai is up to. It gets to such a point that you end up crying in secret because the constant fear of losing either of them is just too much for you. When the two men learn of this they console you and decide to come up with a system where Dazai notifies them in every three hours by any means necessary. If he can, he also tries to texts more often.   

While you and Chuuya love to cuddle, Dazai isn’t that much of a fan. Despite that he would entertain the two of you by wrapping his long arms and legs around both of you when you go to bed. You would usually be in the middle whilst Chuuya would be the little spoon. On days where Dazai came back especially late, he would find the two of you huddled up together. His heart would melt at the sight and after giving you and Chuuya a peck on the forehead, he would settle in, pulling you both closer to his body.

NSFW:

Chuuya is the most nervous one among the three of you. Considering his former relationship with Dazai it’s hard for him to let himself be so vulnerable in front of the other. Much to Chuuya’s surprise, Dazai is patient with him and doesn’t do anything that might make him uncomfortable, he does love to tease Chuuya though. At this point teasing his loved ones is pretty much Dazai’s drug. As time passes Chuuya starts to trusts Dazai with his body and needs. 

Dazai just screams dominant energy to you and you’re not mistaken. He would make you beg for his cock and tease you until you started to hump the nearest pillow with saliva dribbling down your mouth. He would want a show to say the least. He would tie Chuuya to a chair with his cock out and ready, then he would fuck you right in front of him, teasing Chuuya as he had his way with you. Asking Chuuya if the view was good, if he liked what he was doing to you, if he wanted to join them. He was also a fan of trying new things and toys as long as the two of you were okay with it. 

Chuuya on the other hand was gentle as gentle could be. He would litter your flushed skin with soft kisses and make you feel like a true goddess. He would like to tease you in his own way. Chuuya would have his way with you in a slow and steady pace, sucking, licking and kissing every inch of your body. In the end you would writhe underneath him, begging him to put his cock in you and just fuck you already.  

Seeing the two men for the first time together makes your cunt drip with want immediately. Dazai is quite tender with Chuuya and the way he slowly works him open with his long fingers and then fucks him is a huge turn on for you. The sight of Chuuya being filled with Dazai’s cock to the brim and the sweet noises of his moaning made you lose control. Your body would move on its own as you nestled yourself between Chuuya’s legs and sucked his hard cock. 

When Dazai and Chuuya get together you are pretty much guaranteed to see stars. You love being filled up by both ends and feeling the two men you absolutely adore inside of you. Dazai would fuck you as you sucked on Chuuya’s cock. Both men groaning and moaning as they had their way with you. Being the one who has no self control Chuuya would wrap your hair around his fingers and started to blatantly fuck your mouth. You would the tip of his cock deep in your throat as you swallowed around him. Not liking to be ignored Dazai would snap his hips faster and harder, making you moan around Chuuya’s length. Your inner walls would clench around Dazai’s cock as you came. The two men would follow suit, both of them filling you up with their delicious cum to the brim.