kureasblog

[kureasblog]

ISTG I FEEL LIKE A IS STARING AT ME IM NOT CRAZY

[kureasblog]

Wednesdayyy📘🧪

- there s a classmate i find totally cute, R📘

We’re in the same class but since we’re both special needs students we’re in the same exam room as A🩼’s class.

I just feel like he keeps glancing at me. We keep making eye contacts in class, but it’s maybe because i laugh too loud with my seat mate, everyone keeps telling us that.

But last time i went to talk to him in the exam room, before it started because i didnt really understand the lesson and he explained everything i needed to know so… softly. (He’s a great student and that’s the kinda thing i like😼) and that’s when i really noticed he was genuinely nice. I had eye contacts with him before, but i never talked to him so i didnt rlly care, but (that was tuesday) when he explained it i was thinking ‘wow he’s actually so chill and nice☺️’. And today i talked to him again abt that exam and same, he was nice. Idk how to explain but most ppl ur not friends with tend to be ‘brief’ when talking to you, if u ask a question they just answer but it’s like he actually cares about giving you an answer and chatting. it feels nice.

But now the interesting stuff..

So today… basically.

We had a presentation in class to do and for some reason L had R’s papers. R called me (we’re not even sitting that close-) during class to ask me to call L😭😭 (who is sitting super far away from me!!!:€:&;&:&@:) like still, im between them, and i guess i was the perfect person to ask since im not too far from R so i could hear him call me and i was halfway between him and L… whatever.

So i literally called L (twice because he didn’t hear me) and when he looked at me -bitch he was like

😶❓

Like BLANK CONFUSED WTF STARE

like im the last person he ever expected to be called by lmaoooo

We just had a 5 second long blank eye contact of full incomprehension like 👁️👄👁️ BAHJDKSJJDKSKDJJDKSKSKSKKSKSK HIS FACE WAS SO FUNNY IT’S LIKE HE THOUGHT THIS INTERACTION WASNT REAL (cause supposedly i hate him; and he hates me)

and i had to repeat cause he didnt understand that it was R asking for his papers back😭😭

and then he just asked the person next to him to give the papers to me and it felt so weirdddd hearing him say my name half whispered and softly (cause we were in class) but loud enoughhhhhhhhhh so i heard ittttttt… like, i love the way he pronounces it. and i glanced back at R📘 who was staring at me but like i mean i guess it’s normal since i turned my head towards him.

so L was like ‘can u give this to [my name]..’ so then i got the papers and gave them to R📘

and that’s it. But i haven’t had an eye contact especially that FUCKING long with L since.. like last year.

also i saw A who absolutely did not see me. it’s so weird sometimes it feels like he stares and at times when im literally right in front of him, it feels like he doesnt even realise i exist. like he’s not aware of my existence. im just a random person. I know he knows i exist but if he was truly intrigued by me i feel like he’d at least glance when im near him.

Anywayssss bye

[kureasblog]

[kureasblog]

Tuesdayyy🧪🩼

First of all the car ride with my father wasn’t that bad and we didn’t even fight so it was good.

Is soon as I arrived I saw a friend who I love so much who is just glowing and authentic and she has that “I don’t give a fuck about other peoples opinion” mindset, that I really admire. She’s really an inspiration for me.

we had math which was fun and philosophy-boring asf. sorry but it’s the way my teacher is istg.

then we had physics, i hate our current chapter. at the end of the hour he gave us back our chemistry exams and i got a GREAT GRADEEE😙 (half of the class has below average) i literally took my face in my hands and said something so loud like « OMG YES » (kinda awkward) and when i left the class i was SMI-LING. the teacher said like ‘nice to see a smile on ur face’ does that mean ur calling me depressed??💀 i mean tbh im not doing well recently but i didnt know it was THAT noticeable god. i mean he s so sweet n really care about his students + im a special needs student (« handicapped ») so ig he kinda looks out for me.

then we had biology, nothing much. i was sitting just in front of L. it’d be cool if he was in front, i could kinda glance at him but if he is behind me i just feel anxious and overthink everything i do and im like ‘how do i look from the back’ ‘is my bun looking dumb’ ‘what if i have acne on my back’. Like girllll who cares. he’s human, so r you. relax. but i just CANT focus on the lesson. And when i looked behind he was manspreading (guilty of finding it lowkey hot) and talking abt how he failed his test.. (too badd for youuuuu personally i did NOT🤭)(yes yes i like him but i prefer being the best)

then we had lunch with friends (some bitches annoyed me but whatever) glanced at 🚪 M but he never fff notices me, then we went to study at the library (i got YELLED at for chatting when it’s supposed to be a quiet place when every body else was talking but i mean poor lady that’s literally her only job to shush people🙁 like- i was having fun, you’re never having fun, i get it. jealousy’s though.)

Then we had spanish, it was normal. Then we had english it was soooo funnnn🤭

So like no one laughed at our English project which we wanted to be funny but ppl in our class are stuck up and probably found it cringe butttt my group couldnt stop laughing so that’s what matters hehe. they all did serious projects but just filming themselves blank staring at the camera but that’s kinda the embarrassing part to me.

- basically we had to present a project that we filmed at home in groups about a festival we’d create so we were kind of all acting (I was the economic manager xD)and the video of L’s🧪 group was so fun and they were all embarrassed to watch the video in class and they were all red -because it’s awkward to see ur own face projected on the huge screen- which was soooo funny to watch. Personally, I wasn’t really embarrassed about my own face because we didn’t film ourselves from up close but kind of like a report and the camera was moving and I was just really exaggerating my acting n giggling.

also my hair was down and even though i was all red and puffy from sweat i felt pretty.

i just wanted to keep glancing at L, i had to stop myself. also he was so cute n funny in the video istg. he just does this eyebrow raise idk how to explain it but like when he’s proud of himself whatever. whateverrrrr😽 (CUTE >:D)

so then had a break before the 2 hour exam (im in the same exam room as 🩼A’s class)

basically he’s in the same class as one of my best friends so im often in his classroom. and i was hanging out with my friend and he was revising for the exam right after- well, there. i mean it’s his classroom after all-. And there was a former classmate talking with us and i was purposely laughing so cute and doing doe eyes bcs.. bcs leave me alone. I can’t function when he’s near. I HATE HIM. And his goddman black eyes. 😞

And istg i could feel his stare in my direction. but. am i crazy? am i schizophrenic? if he was indeed looking at me, was it positively? was he judging me? was he thinking ‘why is she always here omg so annoying’? like. i know what i gotta do. whenever i feel like he is staring at me, i have to look up and check if he really is. that way i’ll be sure. after tomorrow it’s Thursday, he always glances at me on the day when im waiting in front of their classroom, so that day i’ll actually look up and see if he is staring at me. If he is, i’ll do a little squint like -dude were u staring at me???? to make him embarrassed. or. do a double check. that’s SO a hint of ´i noticed you’. Idk what to doooo

Anyway. I failed my biology exam but everybody did. tomorrow biggg study day.

[kureasblog]

Today’s homework

- biology homework✅

- physics homework✅

- study for biology exam tomorrow

[kureasblog]

Todayyy (AH🖤)

sooo today nothing much.

Negative side:

im feeling quite insecure these days, as always but i dont know why it’s getting worse. i keep comparing myself to that one girl in my class, she’s the definition of effortlessly beautiful. she just had an oversize sweater, the most PERFECT messy pinterest worthy bun and bare face, and she is so gorgeous and authentic and pretty. and i feel so weird with my full face and stuff. i mean my hair does slay and my outfit’s not bad or anything but i feel like that there’s a shame always inside me that stops me from being confident and i always feel like a goddamn clown.

But on a positive side:

I had THE BIGGEST hysterical laughter with my friend in history class (she’s my seat mate)

Andd one of my crushes (AH🖤) came to present something in class. He’s quite popular, he also doesn’t even know i exist. Sooo i guess tomorrow i’ll try to make him notice me (which is already huge for me okayy) just like, forced eye contact or something. so i’ll have stuff to tell you🫡

thing is his class is far away and i never have a reason to go there soo i’ll have a reason to walk by. But it’s at the end of a hallway bruhhh

I’ll try. At least try😗

I made eye contact with A’ childhood best friend (imma use her initial to talk abt her, C💆🏼‍♀️) and we have a LOT of eye contacts for some reasons. Tomorrow we have an exam together and I’ll talk to her:)

I have to study for my biology exam tomorrow + he gave us homework + physics homework.

bye byeeee😚

[kureasblog]

following because im invested lol

thats so sweet haha

tbh things are not really evolving but i’ll try to make moves so i’ll have tea to tell yallll🥹

[kureasblog]

I got in a nasty argument with my parents and they yelled at me. my dad threatened to hit me. i know he’s gonna yell at me again because im supposed to do my injection (treatment for chronic illness) but i wont do it because i dont wanna and it hurts.

i feel so stupid and ugly and im over here writing about my silly little crushes, probably none of them actually noticed me and im just delulu, just wanting to bad to be noticed that i see signs everywhere. i didnt even study today when i have so many tests coming

what a loser

[kureasblog]

me and my brain against the world.

[kureasblog]

one of the biggest things I can advocate for (in academia, but also just in life) is to build credibility with yourself. It’s easy to fall into the habit of thinking of yourself as someone who does things last minute or who struggles to start tasks. people will tell you that you just need to build different habits, but I know for me at least the idea of ‘habit’ is sort of abstract and dehumanizing. Credibility is more like ‘I’ve done this before, so I know I can do it, and more importantly I trust myself to do it’. you set an assignment goal for the day and you meet it, and then you feel stronger setting one the next day. You establish a relationship with yourself that’s built on confidence and trust. That in turn starts to erode the barrier of insecurity and perfectionism and makes it easier to start and finish tasks. reframing the narrative as a process of building credibility makes it easier to celebrate each step and recognize how strong your relationship with yourself can become

[kureasblog]

im curious, which one do u prefer rn?

(see pinned post)

[kureasblog]

storytimeee about L🧪

so like, friday (2 days ago) we were sitting at the cafeteria with friends during lunch and his friend group and him seated just the table NEXT TO OURS. i didn’t realise it until way later lmao. now that i think about it that means he saw me laughing sooo weirdlyyy🥲

and i talked about my other crushesss OMG WAIT😭

anyway he was sitting RIGHT behind me (back to back). now that i think about it maybe he did it purposely😼 (im delulu)

and unconsciously (or not😏) i was leaninnnng back. And apparently so was he. My friend said like ‘he’s literally just right behind you omg’ (they have no idea i kinda like him, it’s just that he’s friend with her crush we were talking about so she was afraid he overheard and would repeat it. also apparently we were REALLY close.)

And then, because i don’t know how to function properly when a guy i like is around, i got up to get some water and FORGOT HOW TO WALK AND TRIPPED LITERALLY JUST BESIDE HIM AND HIS WHOLE TABLE🤪

like my leg just went stiff like ‘wait how do we do this naturally i forgot?’

BROOOO

☹️

[kureasblog]

How each of my crushes make me feel🫡

(then i’ll go study i swear)

(see pinned post for explanation)

L🧪

M🚪

A🩼

[kureasblog]

𝒽𝒾𝒾𝒾! ⊹₊⟡⋆

𝓌𝑒𝓁𝒸𝑜𝓂𝑒 𝓉𝑜 𝓂𝓎 𝒹𝒾𝑔𝒾𝓉𝒶𝓁 𝒹𝒾𝒶𝓇𝓎 ⭑.ᐟ

𝒾 𝓅𝑜𝓈𝓉 𝒶𝒷𝑜𝓊𝓉 𝓇𝒶𝓃𝒹𝑜𝓂 𝒹𝒶𝒾𝓁𝓎 𝓉𝒽𝑜𝓊𝑔𝒽𝓉𝓈 𝒶𝓃𝒹 𝓌𝒽𝒶𝓉’𝓈 𝑔𝑜𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝑜𝓃 𝒾𝓃 𝓂𝓎 𝓁𝒾𝒻𝑒:)

𝒻𝑒𝓌 𝒻𝒶𝒸𝓉𝓈 𝒶𝒷𝑜𝓊𝓉 𝓂𝑒:

♡ 𝑒𝓊𝓇𝑜𝓅𝑒𝒶𝓃

♡ 𝟣𝟪𝓎𝑜

♡ 𝓈𝑒𝓃𝒾𝑜𝓇 𝓎𝑒𝒶𝓇 (𝒽𝒾𝑔𝒽𝓈𝒸𝒽𝑜𝑜𝓁) ~𝒻𝓊𝓉𝓊𝓇𝑒 𝓂𝑒𝒹 𝓈𝓉𝓊𝒹𝑒𝓃𝓉

♡ 𝓁𝑜𝓋𝑒 𝓉𝑜 𝓁𝒾𝓈𝓉𝑒𝓃 𝓉𝑜 𝓂𝓊𝓈𝒾𝒸, 𝓇𝓊𝓃, 𝓇𝑒𝒶𝒹 𝓇𝑜𝓂𝒶𝓃𝒸𝑒 𝒶𝓃𝒹 𝓇𝓊𝓈𝓈𝒾𝒶𝓃 𝓁𝒾𝓉𝑒𝓇𝒶𝓉𝓊𝓇𝑒, 𝓁𝑒𝒶𝓇𝓃 𝓃𝑒𝓌 𝓉𝒽𝒾𝓃𝑔𝓈 -𝑒𝓈𝓅𝑒𝒸𝒾𝒶𝓁𝓁𝓎 𝓈𝒸𝒾𝑒𝓃𝓉𝒾𝒻𝒾𝒸 𝒶𝓃𝒹 𝓂𝑒𝒹𝒾𝒸𝒶𝓁-𝓇𝑒𝓁𝒶𝓉𝑒𝒹

♡ 𝓉𝑜𝓅 𝓈𝓉𝓊𝒹𝑒𝓃𝓉, 𝑜𝓋𝑒𝓇𝒶𝒸𝒽𝒾𝑒𝓋𝑒𝓇 𝒶𝓃𝒹 𝒶𝒸𝒶𝒹𝑒𝓂𝒾𝒸 𝓋𝒶𝓁𝒾𝒹𝒶𝓉𝒾𝑜𝓃-𝓈𝑒𝑒𝓀𝑒𝓇

♡ 𝒸𝒽𝓇𝑜𝓃𝒾𝒸 𝒹𝒾𝓈𝑒𝒶𝓈𝑒/ 𝒷𝒶𝒹 𝒿𝑜𝒾𝓃𝓉𝓈 𝑔𝒾𝓇𝓁𝒾𝑒

𝑀𝒶𝒿𝑜𝓇𝓈:

-> 𝒞𝒽𝑒𝓂𝒾𝓈𝓉𝓇𝓎 ��𝓃𝒹 𝒫𝒽𝓎𝓈𝒾𝒸𝓈

-> 𝐵𝒾𝑜𝓁𝑜𝑔𝓎

𝒞𝑜𝒹𝑒 𝓃𝒶𝓂𝑒𝓈 𝒶𝓃𝒹 𝒾𝓃𝒾𝓉𝒾𝒶𝓁𝓈

(-𝓈𝑜 𝓎𝑜𝓊 𝒹𝑜𝓃’𝓉 𝑔𝑒𝓉 𝓁𝑜𝓈𝓉)

🧪= 𝐿

🩼= 𝒜

🚪= 𝑀

🖤= 𝒜𝐻

📘= 𝑅

🧪 L

Two years ago, my best friend’s ex and I were seatmates, and we got along well - they had already broken up and stayed sort of friends. However, they ended up in a messy situation where he repeatedly hurt her, chose his best friend over her, gave her false hope, broke her heart, and left her feeling like a second choice. After hearing all this, I started hating him.

The following year, we were in the same class again and got randomly assigned as lab partners during chemistry. He assumed we were still on good terms from before, but I told him straight that I hated him because of what he did to my friend. He took it badly, and I kept being cold and mean to him every time we were partnered (which happened often, unfortunately. And every time he really showed he despised being with me). Later, I found out from a friend that my best friend had actually cheated on him and hurt him first back in middle school, so he might not have been the bad guy after all. But by that point, I had already hurt him and couldn’t bring myself to change my behavior because.. well, pride and ego, so I just ignored him. Throughout the year, there was a mixed signals situation, sometimes being genuinely nice, (like coming behind me -ARMS AROUND ME‼️🗣️- to help me close a window) other times purposely giving me a nasty look and taking a different way to avoid me.

Toward the end of the year, he was acting nice and polite, but I still acted bitchy.

This year, we’re in the same class again, and I’ve noticed him looking at me a lot. I realized I might feel intrigued by him, even though I’m not exactly attracted to him—it’s more like I can’t stop glancing at him. When I talked to his friend, he told me that L doesn’t like me, which hurt even though it’s understandable after how I treated him. Sometimes I feel like he hates me or mocks me with his friend group (sometimes i have an oral test and i hear him whispering then laughing with his seat mates after looking at me) but other times it seems like he’s glancing at me randomly. I know he usually likes popular, pretty girls, so it’s probably nothing, but the whole situation is making me feel crazy. LIKE GODDAMN JUST IGNORE ME SO I CAN MOVE ON

More info abt him:

- physically he’s not half bad, just not rlly my type

- ppl say he’s a pretentious prick, his friends say he’s a good person and seem to love him lots

- had many gfs and quite popular (sure thing im not his type but im living off delusion and fake scenarios so..)

🩼A

At the start of last year, I noticed him because of his insanely dark, kinda mysterious eyes—my typeeee😻 I started making eye contact, and I felt like he glanced back, though it was probably just curiosity about why I kept staring. Then, during a really bad arthritis flare-up, I was crying on the floor in pain, holding my leg, as a whole class walked by. People I knew just glanced and asked if I was okay, but that was it (my friends were already helping me).

When he walked by, he gave me the longest, weirdest, most shameless stare—several seconds straight. I wanted to disappear. After that, I had to use a crutch, and every time I ran into him, he’d give me the nastiest side-eye and never once offered to help. One time, I was alone in the stairway with my crutch and a super heavy bag, and he just breezed by, gave me a look, and kept going. I started hating him for it and felt so ashamed.

Then I learned more about him—turns out, he’s a total jerk who chases after girls. Still, I couldn’t stop staring at him. It’s not even that he’s attractive—it’s just his eyes.

This year, I told myself I’d be over him after the summer. First day back? Not over him. Except now, I’m angry and embarrassed, so I started glaring nastily at him constantly. Then I found out he got into a situationship, and I felt jealous—but mostly bad for the girl because she’s sweet and deserves better.

And now he’s staring back at me. Like, dudeeee, whyyyyy?

I overheard his (female) best friend—who he used to be in love with—say, “Oh, look, A, [my name]’s here.” They both turned to look at me. I couldn’t tell if she said it in a teasing “the girl you like” way or a mocking “the creepy girl who keeps staring” way, like you’d say, “Isn’t that your best friend?” about someone you hate.

Now, I’m trying not to look at him, but I still catch him staring at me in my peripheral vision. It’s so embarrassing.

more info:

- he’s quite popular but yeah there are rumors abt him

- fun fact he won football tournament (so he’s basically the best player of the whole school)

- he does snow boardddd. why do i find that attractive

- im friends with his childhood best friend (girl)

- we run into each other every Thursday because i come pick up my friend in the same class. i used to stare at him everytime, i stopped but now HE glances at me weirdly at least every single fucking Thursday🥲