#because if we don't treat everything as a competition we get nothing done in this house 😅

[steelthroat]

My artist grandpa approves of my transformers art and my sculptures and says I've gotten a lot better and is very happy...

So I guess I can die at peace with myself now :D

[zodiactalks]

Zodiac Signs Who Think The World Revolves Around Them

Attitude matters.

How we choose to present ourselves and the face we show to the world are crucial elements in our life experience.

Popular wisdom tells us that we need to treat others how they'd like others to treat us and that we should always be aware not only of how we come off but also of what we put out to the world.

However, there's a growing current of thought that tells us that we should also just expect good things to happen to us. Not because we're good or anything like that, but because we deserve them.

If that attitude comes off as entitled to you, you'd be correct, because that's the whole point.

Entitlement as a form of self-improvement might sound counterproductive to you and might even seem like a recipe for disaster; but for the following zodiac signs, it's just how life has always worked.

Capricorn

As far as they're concerned, Capricorns have nothing to prove: They're great because they know they're great and they don't care if you agree with them or not.

This bold attitude allows Capricorns to feel like they own the world and that the world owes them, which often leads to a sense of entitlement that rubs other people the wrong way.

Regardless of what other people think, though, that confidence always pushes Capricorns to excel in whatever they set their eyes on, so we can't fault them for feeling like they do.

Leo

Bold and grandiose, Leos don't only expect the world to bow down to them, but they also expect to be admired by friends and enemies alike.

Known for their love of luxury and comfortable living, Leos will cruise by knowing that they deserve what's best, for merely being themselves.

Luxury accommodations, high-end gifts, and people falling over themselves to get on their good graces are things that should just happen, whether Leos have done anything to earn them or not.

Virgo

Virgos aren't known for their expensive tastes or their high-maintenance personalities. They can do with very little and, while they appreciate luxury when it comes, they don't expect it.

What they expect, though, is obedience.

Virgos know themselves the heroes of their own story, which means you should trust them without question.

You're with them or against them, and there's no in-between.

This wouldn't be so bad if Virgos were flexible individuals, but their black and white mentalities make them see all criticisms as personal attacks, so even if you're trying to help them, they might see you as the opposition.

Aries

No one is surprised at seeing Aries on this list.

Entitled, competitive, aggressive and bold, Aries’s like playing life at a hard level and will make absolutely no accommodations for anyone else.

It's their way or the highway, and it's not because Aries can't take criticism or opposition but rather because they just won't wait for anyone.

Aries don't settle. Aries don't make do with less. Aries takes what they want because it's owed to them, and you can either get with the program or fall behind.

There's no in-between.

Gemini

Pretentious, high maintenance and demanding, Geminis believe the world owes them something and they can turn bitter because of this.

If things are going the way they want, then everything is fantastic.

If things are going badly, however, Geminis will perceive it as an attack and will look for someone to take out their frustrations on, whether they're responsible or not.

Sagittarius

Another fire sign makes the list!

Sagittarius are known for their desire to live life on their terms and their love for freedom.

While this doesn't scream "entitlement," wait until you get between a Sagittarius and their life goals. Then you'll be able to see the entitlement just fine.

Nobody treasures their freedom as much as Sagittarius does, and they simply won't listen to anyone who tries to control this willful soul.

Sagittarian entitlement shines through in their pursuit of a free life. They'll chase after their dreams without ever thinking about how it'll affect those who surround them.

[mashpotatoequeen]

Ok so for your fic title ask thing I actually yoinked some fic titles I’ve used in other fandoms to see what you’d do with them in TMBS!

1. Rewriting Destiny

2. Pen Pals Across Time

3. Angel by Your Side

4. Brother, let me be your shelter

5. Promise me

6. Viral

7. Forgotten reflections

8. Last words

I numbered them to emphasize that I DO NOT EXPECT you to do them all, but I’d love to see just a few of the numbers and your ideas for them!

OOOH! EXCITE!

1.) Pen Pals Across Time

Okay, for this one, I can't help but think about how much I really wanted to see young Nicholas Benedict (from The Extraordinary Education of Nicholas Benedict) interact with the Mysterious Benedict Society kids. I just think it would be so interesting because young Mr. Benedict, is- in a lot of ways- a mix and mesh of the kids. He's got Reynie's cleverness, Sticky's perfect memory, Constance's mind made for rhymes and whimsy, and Kate's way of hiding everything with a smile.

At the same time, though, younger Mr. Benedict has a much more negative and untrusting outlook on the world in general. In his mind, there are no good grownups, and very few good children. The way he reacts to things is to very often to prioritize his own self and his own safety over others. He keeps his narcolepsy a tightly held secret, controlling his emotions as much as possible. He's constantly looking for the other shoe to drop. It's his defense mechanism, and it's one we can see developed in Mr. Curtain too. It's just that Nicholas got a wake up call, and his twin didn't.

It would be interesting, therefore, to see him interact with kids who are, in many ways, just as brilliant and intelligent as he is, and in some ways more so. I don't know how he'd interact, but I think it would be very cool to explore. I think it would be hard for Nicholas to accept- at least the Nicholas from the beginning of the book- that he grows up to be someone who is that kind. Who is surrounded by a family who loves him. I think it would be good for him, too.

So yes. Time travel shenanigans that lead to children butting heads that lead to friendship. The fic ends with Nicholas Benedict writing letters to friends he will not meet for a very long time, but that's alright. He has time.

6.) Viral

This would be a modern AU: Four Times One of the Mysterious Benedict Sociciety went viral, and One Time They Did It All Together. I just feel like people would accidentally catch them doing weird or incredible stuff all the time - or, at least, weird by "normal" standards. The only keeping them safe is that fact that the books are set a little too early in history for cellphones and internet- so bring it forward a bit and.... well. The kids get to go viral. As a treat.

A list of reasons/ways the kids went viral:

1.) Sticky gets recorded at one of his Quiz Championship Game Show competitions. He is approximately a a third of the age of everyone there. He is looking very Baby with his polkadot bowtie and big glasses. He is absolutely DESTROYING all of his competitors. The video zooms in on his score- miles ahead of everyone else- and then the faces of the other contestants as Tiny Sticky Washington stands on his tiptoes to deliver his next answer. The faces hold nothing but despair and a certain grudging amount of respect. "Correct!" yells the announcer. One man puts his head in his hands.

2.) Constance writes poetry on a random wall with sharpie. She does not sign it, and she doesn't much think about it when she's done. Someone else comes along, sees it, laughs and takes a picture and posts it. It starts properly trending by noon.

3.) They are at a football pitch. A striker is trying to score and the ball just goes flying. It lands on top of a building with an unfortunate BUMP noise. The players have about ten seconds to be depressed before Kate- who is walking by- shouts, "Oh, I'll get it!" And then she just. Climbs the building. Free Style. And grabs the ball. Tosses it back down, follows down after it, and merely goes on her way without looking back. The person who was trying to record the goal manages to capture it on camera.

4.) Reynie writes a short story during one of Miss Perumal's tutoring sessions. It gets published online, and then it gets mentioned in a magazine, and people are reading it and enjoying it and Reynie- who doesn't go online much- is perfectly oblivious that his homework assignment is getting absurdly popular.

5.) The Mysterious Benedict Society has a new project: to make the world's longest Rube Goldberg Machine. It takes up several blocks. Mr. Benedict laughs himself to sleep three times before the machine can succeed in it's one job: Flipping a lightswitch. The video gets posted online with a funky song and people are all over it.

[astridthevalkyrie]

One of my least favorite things about The Regina Show is that all her 'ooh girlboss snarky' comments are either kinda bigoted or just unnecessarily cruel towards people who haven't wronged her.

Like 'where you come from people bathe in the river and use pinecones for money' wasn't clever or cool or funny or anything it was literally just classism. Classism directed at a man who helped her, no less, so like 'fuck you for not letting me burn my own arm off' isn't a good look either why the fuck should I like her. And she keeps doing it! All her early banter with Robin where she's so snarky and cool is actually just classism. Why would he fall in love with her

Her constant bullying of the dwarves? All ableism-based. Why are we rooting for this person why would any of us root for this person.

Everything she says to Hook either reads as 'why are you as a man wearing eyeliner you queer' or again ableism. How is that supposed to indicate someone we're meant to like.

Oh also Emma's getting mentioned twice but the way she treats Emma is so unnecessary and cruel like why would we think you like this person when all you do is tell them they're not enough for the task at hand or they're not as good a mother of Henry as you or they'd be nothing without your help like you don't care about this person at all and it's ludicrous that we're all expected to believe she does.

Plus the way she constantly mocks or undermines Emma and the Charmings like. You haven't become a good person and you haven't suddenly started caring about the people you hurt you are one hundred percent here just because you want Henry to like you and even then she still does things that make his life harder all the fucking time basically unrepentantly.

(A few other standout moments include random xenophobia in 'that's a mouthful' to the dunbroch language which is an irl gaelic language so it's shitty that the writers will crap on it to elevate her, the very specific and quite frantly fucking bizarre treatment of Sidney, the fact that every other character of color is usually in competition with her or eliminated to return the spotlight to her which isn't an in-canon flaw of hers necessarily but when combined with everything else ain't great)

Why should the show continuously praise her for contributing every now and then and bullying the rest of the team incessantly?

yeah, I've noticed that too. her classism with robin is so forced too. not that she's not classist to other people, but she's also not being like haha peasant peasant in every interaction so her digs at robin are literally just there for ✨enemies to lovers vibes✨

"handless wonder" "captain guyliner" we get it bro? you don't think men can wear eyeliner?? feminist queen ig :/

and don't get me started on sydney oh my GOD. what were the showrunners thinking when they were like let's cast this black actor to be the enslaved genie/man in the mirror to a white passing woman, and CONTINUE this treatment i.e. he's still in love with her during the curse (which regina could have done away with just like she forced graham to have feelings for her) and we find out in season 4 that she's CONTINUED TO KEEP HIM LOCKED UP FOR NO REASON????????????? HOLY SHIT WHAT????

and marian. that bitch. how dare she *checks notes* be married to robin when regina was still in love with him. but it's okay for her to see her son reject her and her husband cheat on her with the woman who executed her, because the whole time it's zelena anyways lolz

she has absolutely no right to be snarking at emma, snow or chaeming. none. and yet we're given, again and again, these godawful oneliners that are supposed to be girlboss and hashtag slay. we're given that horrible moment where she uses the dark ones dagger to tell emma to be quiet after which she smirks and says "ooh i could get used to this." and then we get henry being like "dw mom you're the bestest person ever you can be a hero too! 😁" this fucking show man.

[peachymilkandcream]

Written In Blood|Part 7|Modern Yandere Levi x Evelyn

(A/N: The petty drama and competition between Evelyn and Petra about to start reminds me so fondly of Break Me Slowly and I freaking love it! Hope you enjoy and comment to be added to the taglist!)

WARNINGS: implied noncon/dubcon, graphic descriptions of violence, domestic violence, manipulation, mind breaking, yandere behaviour/themes, forced marriage, forced pregnancy, misogyny, mentions of child abuse, etc.

===============================================

Now it was onto phase two, he had been hot with passion and affection and now he was cold, bitter cold. And would be. Petra would be stuck wondering what she had done wrong to illicit such an indifferent treatment of her. Before he had answered every text, made sure to talk to her whenever she called, now he didn't speak to her at all, or gave one word answers.

On the other hand, Levi spent a lot of time getting to know Evelyn. While it had been halting and hesitant conversations at first, soon she began sharing the distance between her and her boyfriend, confiding in him when he pried for answers. He made sure to give her all the attention in the world, making her feel special and cared for at all times.

This particular evening, he was over with Evelyn since her boyfriend was out of town and she felt afraid of her stalker returning while she was alone. Graciously, Levi volunteered to keep her company, bringing over his favorite wine and making sure she relaxed fully.

However right now she was shaking her head and clearly annoyed while looking at her phone.

"What's the matter?"

"Just Petra, we've been in kind of a fight this week, and it's just stupid-"

"Really? But you two are so close?" He slides closer, putting his arm on the couch behind her. "Talk to me."

"I think she's upset that I'm spending so much time with you, and maybe she's right, you were going out with her and now you're ignoring her- Maybe you should just talk to her and clear everything up-"

"I will eventually, truth is, I was interested, and then she became just so much, I didn't want to deal with a psycho girlfriend. I tried to let her down gently but she won't take no for an answer."

"Well she did say you gave her the most mind-blowing sex of her life, would be kind hard for a girl to come to grips with losing that."

Levi laughs slightly. "We didn't have sex, she sucked me off and then fell asleep because she was drunk and I had to push her off. She basically assaulted me and then expected a relationship after lying to herself and to me and saying we had the most passionate sex she's ever had in her life."

"Wait are you serious? But she's been telling me this whole time-"

"Because she's jealous of you Evelyn, you have it all and she has nothing. She wants to make you jealous while also judging and looking down on you for wanting to wait with something so precious."

"Everyone thinks I'm nuts for that, she wouldn't be the first."

He pauses. "I don't think you are. I think that's very admirable of you, and I respect it wholeheartedly."

She blushes a little. "I still feel bad for her."

"Don't, if she can't be happy that you've made a new friend then was she ever one in the first place?"

"Maybe you're right-"

"I am. " He leans closer, staring at her lips. "People around you treat you like shit, and you've been beaten down to take it. I won't let that happen anymore."

"Why...?" Now she leans in slightly, giving him a look that made his erection throb with desire.

"Admittedly I looked into you when I took on the case, and what I found was heartbreaking. No one deserves that, especially not someone as special as you." His face is so close his breath is on her lips. "You're special to me."

Suddenly she blushes and starts to back up. "What am I doing, I'm in a relationship I don't think it's a good idea-"

She's cut off with his lips on hers, tender, soft, Levi was using every ounce of his strength to not let his aggression and need for dominance to come out. He had to be tender with her for this to work, his more dangerous urges would have to be suppressed for right now. In time he would make room for that, all in good time.

==============================================

When Levi left her for the night, he made sure to wipe the lipstick off his lips. It stained his face with a reminder of his recent conquest, it had never gotten further than tender and soft kisses, but that would change. The poor girl barely knew how to kiss, something he'd have to remedy, but she had that naivety that drove him mad. Something he desperately wanted to shatter.

As he stepped out of the apartment building doors he nearly collided with Petra on her way in, making him stop.

"Oh, Petra. Nice to see you again."

"Levi? What are you doing here? Were you- with Evelyn?"

"Yes I was, great time. Thank you for introducing me to her properly."

"But what about us-? Why haven't you been answering my calls?"

"Should I have been?"

"Yes you should have- We had a thing, and you just ghosted me for no reason."

"What thing? A drunken mistake?"

That had hit a nerve, clearly she was upset by that. "It was more than just that-"

"Not the way I see it, I see it as a mistake that I wish had never happened if this is the way you'll behave."

"Then why? Why did you lead me on? Why did you pretend like you were interested?"

"I was, for a time. But then I got close to your friend upstairs. She's just so, much better- everything about her, how could you even compare? And she's just so amazing, and charming and sweet, she completely captivated me. So I started getting closer to her, I'm sorry you had to find out like this. Have a good night."

He turns and starts to walk away, leaving her upset and tearing up behind him. He knew she was going to march up those stairs and let Evelyn have it, and he'd be there to catch the fall when she lost her best friend.

Poor Evelyn, she didn't even see what was coming.

[caffeineandsociety]

Do you notice how being progressive is in vogue these days, but you just don't want to put in the work? Want that feminist cred, but don't want to have to consider you may, potentially, at some point in your life, possibly have had a teeny tiny misconception or two about how gender works? Well, have I got a solution for you! Welcome to:

A Quick And Dirty Guide To Turning Trad Gender Roles Into Feminist Theory!

How does it work? Why, it's mostly just a simple phrasebook! In order to do the bulk of the work, just rephrase your statements like so:

"Men should be the breadwinners; women belong in the home" -> "Ladies, fuck the grind and hold out for a guy who treats you like you deserve, don't settle for some lazy bastard who makes you support him!"

"Women are too weak to hack it in the dog-eat-dog real world, their job is to be wives and mothers, they're not tough or competitive enough to do anything else" -> "Women are socialized to be the caring, kind, Safe gender"

"Men are just stronger than women and that just plain makes them more capable and competent" -> "Men are stronger than women and that makes them SCARY and DANGEROUS"

"Boys will be boys, men are just GOING to be crude especially toward women, get used to it" -> "Men aren't taught self-control or manners and teaching them NOW is not your job at best and a hopeless endeavor at worst, they're too far gone, they're dangerous by nature, and there's nothing to be done about it, so they're not worth your time" (or, "kill all men"/"all men are trash")

"Men just can't help themselves, if you don't want men sexually harassing/abusing/assaulting you then don't tempt them, you're totally asking for it, how do you expect men to control themselves?" -> "We must protect the sanctity of Women's Spaces; any woman who wants to let a man in is a traitor who can't be trusted, doesn't she KNOW what will happen if we let men close? Men can't be trusted to behave ever so the only way to be safe is to keep women away from them" (or, "kill all men"/"all men are trash")

"Men wearing dresses is degrading and a sign of weakness" -> "men wearing dresses is cute and funny for...some reason, but it's totally empowering! If he doesn't find it to be, that's not a matter of personal taste, it's 100% toxic masculinity and THAT'S shameworthy, if we're laughing at him THAT'S why, it's not because WE think it's degrading!"

"Man up, don't be a pussy, men don't cry" + "MOC/disabled men/queer men are a danger to white men and especially Their Women" -> "Talking about how maleness and masculinity intersect with oppressed statuses is taking away from and talking over women, we need to focus on women's needs, stop making things about you, you get enough support already, cry more fragile male tears about it"

"Women are too frivolous and impulsive and prone to mindless bandwagoning to deserve agency, from finances to their own bodies" -> "We have to fight the coercive marketing influences in society looking to prey on vulnerable women" - BONUS: you can even avoid reckoning with certain forms of transphobia with this one, just by railing against the evil plastic surgery industry coercing poor, innocent little girls into irreversible things they're sure to regret - just make sure to say "trans women are women and trans men are men" in your next internet post, so people don't get the "wrong" idea! ;)

Some things might take a little more work than just find-and-replace, but with a little practice, they're super easy too:

"Everything women and especially teenage girls like is stupid and frivolous" -> "Everything white/straight girls like is problematic" - now, you can't just say it outright, you have to put in a little work to make the association from case to case, but with just a little creativity, you too can spin hating on pop music and current popular fashions and pumpkin spice into anti-racist praxis!

"Women shouldn't have sex drives, they should put out for their husbands but otherwise be pure and chaste and DEFINITELY not actually seek sex out themselves" - SAY that women's sexual liberation is important (to an extent), but spin every possible example as being harmful somehow. Here are a few good stock examples:

-> Romance novels and fanfiction are too full of tropes that tell men that sexual abuse is okay and teach women that it's what a good boyfriend SHOULD do (look, you get to undermine women's intelligence by implying that they collectively can't tell fantasy from reality, even!)

-> M/M shipping/BL is just for straight women who fetishize gay men (BONUS: you can call any gay man who likes it a self-hating traitor to the community and deny the identities of trans mlm with this one!)

-> Free The Nipple will traumatize children and possibly even normalize child abuse

-> Attraction to anime men is pedophilic because even the ones who are nominally over 18 look too young to actually be (BONUS: you get to imply that Japan is an evil den of pedophiles and/or avoid confronting any biases about POC and apparent age! Racism? Of course not, this is feminism!)

-> Attraction to celebrities is for creepy people with no sense of boundaries, ESPECIALLY if you talk about it

-> And, of course, you can pathologize most cases of sexual forwardness in women, no matter how slight or how willing to accept no for an answer, as a maladaptive trauma response, if you just give it a little thought!

Congratulations! By following this guide, you too are now A Feminist, without ever having to do any of that pesky introspection that might make you feel bad!

[tarnishedxknight]

[REVEAL] The sender, lost in a moment of vulnerability, says, "I've always loved you," before quickly covering their mouth.

((for Ashe and Basch!))

It had been an innocent enough conversation thus far, but Basch sensed that something was a little bit off about Ashelia. She seemed nervous or apprehensive for some reason. Was... was he the reason for that? If she wanted to, she could simply get up and walk away from him if he was bothering her so, could she not? Nevertheless, it nagged at Basch's mind until, for her sake, he broached the subject.

"Is there something wrong, princess?" he asked. "You seem... bothered, in some way."

Ashe froze. Was it that obvious? Something had been bothering her, but she wasn't quite ready to-

"If I have in some way offended or upset you..." Basch continued, btu Ashe interrupted quickly.

"No! No, of course you haven't," she blurted out. Well now it had become rather awkward, and frankly she was tired of having this on her conscience anyway. There would never be a time when she would not be nervous about bringing this up with him, and so, in a way, now was as good a time as any. "I... I wanted to... I ought to apologize... for striking you. It has been weighing on my conscience ever since I... I learned the truth about you... and... I am so ashamed... to have ever believed that... that you could... hurt my father..."

Basch had not been expecting that response at all. Had she really been thinking about that slap she'd given him on the Leviathan for all this time? He suddenly felt so responsible for torturing her so. "Free yourself, highness. I bear you no ill will for it."

"You should!" she blurted out, her lips trembling.

His mouth closed, surprised at her emotion.

"I was an impulsive, ignorant child, and I had no right to strike you at all! And I feel so deeply terrible for it! After all that you have done for me, for my father, for Dalmasca... and I returned your kindness, loyalty, and devotion with the behavior of a spoiled brat..." Ashe said, trying so hard not to cry.

"You were hurting... and angry. That pain needed release. Someone to bear the brunt of it. I would gladly yet again be that person for you a hundred times over, if e'er you had such need," Basch said with solemn honesty.

"No, no, you should not be treated that way!" Ashe insisted. "I do not want you to be, let alone be the one to do it! You did nothing wrong! You've... you've done everything right..."

"'Tis no competition, my lady," Basch said with a soft smile. "We are all of us living and learning, each and every day. I do not pretend to have all the answers, nor do I judge others for not having them."

"I just... did not want you to feel that I hated you..." she whispered. And right just then, she lost her battle to hold back tears. They flooded her eyes and his face became a watery blur. Frustratedly, she blinked them away harshly, wanting to see him clearly. "Because I don't, I've never hated you, I've... I've always loved you."

Promptly, a gasp occurred, and a hand slapped right over her mouth. Her heart began to beat loudly up into her ears.

Basch was... blindsided by this. Maybe she'd meant... as a friend. She'd always loved him as a friend. Or just some expression of platonic love between princess and servant. Or maybe- Nay. If it was any of those things, she wouldn't have reacted the way she had to her accidental confession. Suddenly there was no air. All he could do was stare at her in shock and disbelief.

Could it be? Did she really... care for him as he did for her? And if so, would it be wrong of him to reciprocate? He was too old for her, too common, his blood was neither Dalmascan nor of Dynast origin. It was not even royal. King Raminas would never have approved of such a thing. And yet... here they were, in this time where none of that mattered anymore. It did to him, though, for he felt that she was due the same respect and consideration he would have given her in their own time. For her sake, should he not discourage any feelings she might have for him now, lest she regret pursuing them later? Would that not be the honorable thing to do? To let her go now, so that she could find someone more worthy of her?

Basch had not the time to decide upon a response, however, for Ashelia rose from where she sat and was trying to undo the perceived damage of her admission. "I... I-I ought to go..." she said awkwardly, turning to do just that.

Having no more time left to think, Basch spoke impulsively, something he almost never did. "Please don't," he called to her.

She'd only taken a few steps, albeit hasty ones, but when she heard him speak, she stopped in her tracks. Slowly she turned to see him rising from his own seat and coming to her.

With his heart thumping in his chest, Basch chose honesty for now. And come what may of it. "I love you as well, my lady," he said, unable to help the way his head bowed and gaze lowered in shame for admitting such a thing to her. "I have... realized this... since the day of your wedding. Since... seeing you wed another nearly caused my heart to shatter..."

Ashe's eyes turned so sad in that moment, as she stood looking up at him. She had no idea of any of this. He'd hidden it well from her, all this time. Her tears trickled down her cheeks, but she dared not interrupt him.

"Never... did I think it proper... to say as much to you..." he finished. For better or worse, he'd laid his heart bare, and now he would let her decide how they should proceed. After all this time, and even after waking in this time period where all constraints should be removed from them, Basch still felt it should be Ashelia's decision entirely.

Ashe didn't care about propriety anymore. She just wanted him. No one else had made her feel as safe, or as grounded, or as valued as he. And certainly not in the ways that mattered. Throwing caution to the wind, she reached out and wrapped her arms around him, laying her head against his chest. "I never felt for Rasler what I felt for you," she said. "What I feel still. I just didn't understand that... until more recently."

It felt so wrong to encourage this, and yet at the same time, it could not possibly have felt more right. Basch slowly lifted his arms to gently hug her back, feeling something restless and unsettled inside him calm itself with her in his arms.

Ashelia laughed through her tears, feeling a newfound freedom in admitting her true feelings for Basch. "I've not properly hugged you in so long!" she said, smiling happily. "It is too long overdue."

Basch swallowed hard, his throat aching painfully with emotion.

When he still had not responded, Ashe lifted her head and looked up at him. She could see all sorts of things in his eyes, things he wanted to say to her, and she anticipated what they were. "Whatever impropriety there was before... matters not at all now," she whispered to him. "We're free of it. All that matters... is if you love me... as I love you..." she said, her gaze so innocently hopeful.

"Aye, princess... I do..." Basch whispered back.

She happily tightened her hug and lay her head back down against his chest. "Then let us not waste any more time. Let us try. Yes?"

"Aye," he whispered, scarcely believing this was real for all that it amazed him.

[taehyungfirst]

https://www.tumblr.com/taehyungfirst/750293624732975104/httpswwwtumblrcomtaehyungfirst75024992077945?source=share

I'm going to be pretty honest and you (plural) might not like it but I hate the fact when it comes to Taehyung's sabotage people always point out how Jungkook gets special treatment. Do company have a bone to pick with Taehyung? HELL YES. Does Jungkook get good promo? TRUE. But so does everyone!! Hell RM's album was better promoted than Tae's ever everything. Only because Jungkook is a main singer and is chosen to be pushed towards US he got good promotion. There is nothing personal here. Company's contention or hate towards Tae is not a mark to carry by Jungkook. So everyone stop hating him for company sabotaging Taehyung. I don't carry what their fans think but the way I know them both they are close and respectful towards each other choices. I'm sure Tae knows what company does to him. He is sweet but he is also smart. He may have re-signed because of members but I have confidence in him he has a plan up his sleeve. So till then I'm not going to hate any member.

Additionally, I think the OG anon talked about fandom and not company, if I'm correct. And fandom literally shit on them both. Hating on tae, leaving his songs out, etc. They do so with Jungkook also crediting all his success on hyungs. They don't even leave his parents alone. This reminds me of a recent incident when RM new album was promoted with Tae's and Jungkook's rumour. Funny how everyone else was spared even though they also have shits attached to them.

As I say again, it's not a competition. People should be able to call out company or fandom for taking multiple members name if they feel sabotage has been done because at the end company is incompetent and should be left to be bankrupt. Of course before my tannies sell their shares.

P.S. Not targetted to you blogger but to everyone in general who hate them together.

P.P.S. I wouldn't have made this post but I've been seeing people reacting so harshly to taekook. Earlier there was a fight when a taekook shipper defended them and then those jkk people fighting with blogger and now this.

Hi, I partially agree with what you said because at the end of the day yes it’s NOT Jk’s fault if he got a push, or better treatment, it was never about him, the complaints (in my case) are always targeted to the company. What rubs me the wrong way is when tkkers wanna talk about Tae’s treatment and think that Jk got the same. That’s not true and it’s never gonna be true. They don’t get treated the same, their releases don’t get treated the same and even a child can see that Bongo has some weird beef with Tae.

This, however, has nothing to do with their bond so I disagree on people dragging them. And as I said some days ago, every member’s release get treated better than a Tae release and that’s why I always wonder about his individual contract.

We kinda have the same problem but in different shades lol

[loren-ipsen]

the old story:

I love him, I feel so alone.

He doesn't think anyone has anything to offer him. I'm not his equal in his mind or life. He's so ready for me to leave that he's pushing me to the door.

He thinks he has it all figured out. It's such an arrogant thing to think. I can see so clearly how far he has to go and he insists this awful state and matching coping mechanisms are the end and it will be this way forever.

It's so unfair to me. I want to be there for him but I'm so tired and I'm going through my own stuff too. And when I am, I feel so neglected by him. That he's not on my team, has no support to offer me, has no understanding, wouldn't ever want to accommodate my emotional needs.

Why should I always have to lift everyone up while I feel this horrible deadly feeling every day? I wanted to be in a relationship with someone attentive and thoughtful and humble and positive. Someone mature enough to know things change and no situation is ever permanent. Someone mature enough to love deeply, to love and take care of themself and their body because if you can't do that, you can't do it for anyone else.

He will always get defensive. Nothing hurts more. He doesn't think I'm wise, he doesn't think I'm smart, he thinks he knows everything and I don't. But he's still in this trauma survival state. And to act like he is farther along than me and knows more than me and everything I've been through he's had it worse... I don't want that relationship. I wanted someone different.

I want to go home on awful awful days like these to someone who acts way nicer and is more respectful and humble and empathetic. It feels like he has selfishly claimed that slot in my life so that I can't search for any other relationship of this nature, the thing I want most, yet he refuses to provide emotionally, refuses to recognize everything I do to pull him up and realize that I'm trying for him and that means something.

I will always make it by financially. Even when I was getting food out of dumpsters and pantries, even when I used a mobility aid for two years because work was so grueling, I made it by. I need something only another human could provide. And I believe in this. I believe in love. I believe in our ability to save each other.

He has this terrible habit that he has to one-up you, and I can't stand this about male culture. I will never tell anyone I have had it worse than them, I will not tell people that what they've been through doesn't matter and to get over it. I'm not one of his guy friends, why can't I ever just say something and he accepts it and doesn't compare it to his own thoughts or experiences? Why can't he just tell me what he's thinking and what he has been through? There is no competition, there is no fight.

Can't he accept that he is out now, that it is over and the recovery can begin? Why keep yourself bouncing between reliving those feelings and being in a state of shock where nothing gets done and you convince yourself that that's the answer all while wallowing and rotting in the sorrow and anger???

The sexism, the misogyny that surrounds me every day and saturates our culture and media is the disease. We won't eradicate it, we try like idiots to treat the symptom with metoo or whatever stupid bullshit. But no one tries to call each other out on perpetuating that kind of thinking. And that's what's responsible for Michael walking free, for any sexual abuse to anyone of any gender being allowed to happen. The way we assign asinine irrelevant meaning to how we are born. I will never allow racism, sexism, etc. in my presence no matter how casual. And I'll always be the snowflake idiot hysterical sensitive stick-in-the-mud girl because God for-fucking-bid anyone is afforded that same feeling of safety and life being worthwhile that comes so easily to the people on top.

I'm not a sensitive snowflake complainer. I'm a good, normal, competent person who gives a shit and the rest of you are so selfish, greedy, and foolish that you can't see past your own life into caring about others. You should be embarrassed and ashamed.

Please lord, if you hear me, heal all this. I'm so miserable in a home that should be my one place to be completely safe and loved. I'm tired of this old cyclical story.

[xxstarryxeyedxx]

[Ballrooom e Youkoso]

(anime) 24 ep, 24 min. 9/7/2017

Studio: Production I.G

Script:Kenichi Suemitsu

Producer: Tetsuya Kinoshita

Sports anime focused on ballroom dancing.I remember seeing this anime around shortly after I saw Yuri!!! On Ice and thought it would be a similar vibe.I was excited when I saw the visuals,the dynamic,elongated and kind of uncanny proportions the characters had.It's theme as well,as I am not drawn towards sports anime.To my dissapointment,the plot was quite mediocre,pretty much everything was,to the point where I'm still confused.Did I watch this anime because I did want to see what happens,or was it a comfortable backround for multi-tasking and I felt too far in to find another one and just cut it entirely?

We see Takara Fujita,a highschooler struggling to find what he wants to do with his future.He seems to have quite a few "basic" options but his lower class life and the fact that nothing moves him enough to pursue it passionately,leave him frustrated and confused.He stumbles upon a dance studio,by accident,with one of the tutors there,a world-wide ball room dancing champion,thinks that Tatara wants to take lessons in dancing and drags him inside.Coincidentally,in the same studio,a girl that Takara has a crush on from school seems to be taking lessons as well.Only difference is that she,is a pro competitor athlete.Seeing his confidence slightly boosted from immersing himself in the world of ballroom dancing and his sights on said girl,he is motivated enough to give it all a try.

I don't know much about ball room dancing and having this series as a first major contact with it aside from a few performance videos,I don't think I am doing it much justice.It always rubbed me the wrong way,how in the latin category of this competitive sport,even the younger competitors had to look "sexy" and mature.And I am talking 10 year old kids.In Ballroom e Youkoso,they are teens and it doesn't go much into that category of the sport thankfully,but,in classic anime degenerate fashion,comments are made towards the women and girls of the story,no matter their ages,for the sake of comedy.As if that was not enough there is a lot of,in my opinion,blatant sexism or not so blatant in other cases regarding the roles of men and women within ballroom dancing,with the rhetoric used.This,could be something prominent in the sport itself,but I am in no position to comment on that,aside from the anime's presentation of it.You have your slight touch of body shaming as well but unfortunately,typical for such a setting.

Story wise,it really is nothing special.Though some plot points and the drama of it all,had me wanting to see how would the series go about the fundamentals it had set.Of course,on the topic of drama,you get your overdramaticised dancing scenes where the characters talk so unbelievably much or are presented so intensly,it kind of becomes laughable rather than immersing.As much as there were moments that peaked my interest there were just as many that had me quite bored.Admittedly there are some pretty well written characters.There is a general "air of queerbaiting" in this series,however I have to give to them the inclusion,though quite sneakily (because of TV guidelines I assume),the inclusion of a clearly queer woman near the end of the show,who has a longtime crush to one of the female leads of the story.

There were definetly moments that a scene made me shiver from how nice it looked or moments that made me smile by how wholesome they were however I feel like they could have done so ,so much more with the story.So many more characters to be given more important roles that went to waste,moments that could have been much more tension-filled or elevated.One of the main female leads I had mentioned before,speaks up about how she feels with the way women are treated in this sport,actively making a point about it and standing her ground.However,she oftne times gets ignored or does things that are entirely out of character ,in favor of the more male centered narrative surrounding Takara.As much as I personally enjoyed him as a protagonist.A smaller and probably the last issue I have with this show and will talk about,circling back to what I mentioned earlier,is how the characters are supposedly 15,16 maybe 17 at most and the way their bodies are drawn,they look like grown adults.It's an aesthetic choice,to hyper focus on the athlete body,but it still rubs me off the wrong way.

This is my longest entry yet I think,because this anime dissapointed me more than I thought it would and ended up finding myself expecting more of it.In my opinion it's mostly suitable to have into the backround,if you decide to watch it.I will not be reading the manga and truly,all the credits go to a few super nicely written characters and the pretty visuals in this series.

6/10

[crystalelemental]

...yeah. Yeah, of course I think they should've done better, and the answer to a majority of "how" was already in the post.

Easy start, make mega evolutions for the Gen 6 starters. Wrap in the Ash Greninja bullshit into a much more sound mechanic that isn't a bunch of favoritism nonsense.

Make a Pokemon Z. Failing that because your corporate overlords only give you three years to churn out an entire generation's worth of games and we shifted to the 3D models instead of sprites, at least include something on Zygarde so it's not a completely irrelevant lump in its own generation. I'm not saying it has to be a full Delta Episode kind of scenario (though that would be the ideal), but something.

Related, what about Southern Kalos? You know, the part of the region that seems very strongly like it got cut, but was supposed to have stuff to do and may have been significantly related to Volcanion? Do we want to do anything with that? How about either of Diancie or Hoopa getting, like, anything? No, flaccid time-limited distribution at competitive readiness level? Gotta love the classics.

For gen 7, how about regional varaiants that aren't Kantonian? How about committing to a different league structure, instead of "Oops, the trials are basically just gyms, and the E4 and Champion are the same as ever because we're trying to emulate Kanto." I had a friend drop the game entirely when Kukui first mentioned that, and I don't blame them. Imagine being sold how different this region was and finding out halfway through it's exactly the goddamn same.

Give signature Z-Moves actual effects. Kommo-o got one, but the others are flat damage, and the main utility in most Z-Moves was coverage. Give them added effects to make them worth using, since the majority of the time, they did nothing. In fact, drop Z-Moves entirely. They were a shitty gimmick and we should've stuck with Mega Evolution, but Gen 6 barely integrated Mega Evolution into the core gameplay, because the series started over-focusing on competitive as the endgoal of the games rather than a full experience of the main game. "What if we made this cool gimmick, reference it constantly, then make a huge chunk of it completely inaccessible until post-game for no reason?" Brilliant decision everyone, claps all around. Dunk on Dynamax all you want, but at least it was intelligently integrated.

Speaking of megas, maybe instead of focusing your resources on making two Charizard and Mewtwo, because obviously the Gen 1 options were the most important things, you could focus instead on creative efforts to actually make a Mega Flygon.

And all of this around the story issues. Gen 6's story is a whole mess. Too many interruptions for nothing, too little actual development for any characters compared to even one generation ago, poorly fleshed-out villain motivation, Champion is wholly irrelevant. Then pivot to Gen 7 where it's more of the same, but nothing outside of Lillie's story even matters. Everything about Gen 7 hinges on Lillie's story, which is why you have the tolerable one (Sun and Moon) and the one that feels like no one cared about what was happening and hand-waved the entire conflict (Ultra Sun and Moon).

I could probably keep going, but you get the idea. Gen 6 started this trend of, very likely, "we do not have the time or resources to make a truly great game," and corners got cut. Gimmicks were not properly integrated with gameplay until Gen 8. Competitive aspects started being seen as more important than core gameplay (Look at all these QoL features like hyper trainer and EV training that only matter if you're competitive). A Pokemon's general popularity was the only thing that seemed to matter, given Greninja's absurd Gen 7 buffs for literally no reason, and Gen 1 is treated as the most significant thing to ever exist, so they consistently get all the attention. The games simultaneously start having more and more dialogue and cutscenes with less and less meaning behind them, going through USUM's refusal to engage with its material, and SwSh actively writing the protagonist out of any action occurring. Gimmicks come and go with no rhyme or reason. So yes, they could have, and should have, done better. If they couldn't because of the graphics changes, then they either shouldn't have changed or extended the timeline for development. If neither was permitted, then the problem lies squarely at the feet of the administrators who refused to emphasize a quality experience over churning out something for a tight deadline.

It’s because, and I say this with malice, they stopped giving a shit in Gen 6. Gen 6 was the Nostalgia Bias Era. It’s when everything became about Gen 1 shit, and “remember this thing?” Gen 7 amped it up. But you get the sense in the 3DS era that the newer stuff just does not matter. No megas for any Gen 6 Pokemon, Gen 7’s signature Z Moves are largely useless, but constant attention is given to Kanto. Greninja got an exception because it’s the only Pokemon to ever beat Charizard. It won a popularity contest in that era. So it got attention, but no one else mattered to them. They couldn’t even give Zygarde a fucking game.

[showtoonzfan]

(A lil rant about Stella, I just want to share some thoughts)

I don't get why HB fans said it's good because sometimes villains are just assholes, female or male but like, this would work if the protagonists are on the same level of complexity but there's clearly a different, heck look at characters like Griffith or Odalia, they're horrible but they're complex enough to pair with the protagonists and let us wonder what they're planning, but Stella?all she does is screaming and mocking, to the point we all know what she'll do next, she's just abusive and angry, literally that's all she is, I wouldn't have mind it she was a minor villain, how can I enjoy a show where our protagonists work through their trauma and emotion when the villain is just "I hate you>:(" Like fr, why do people justify lazy writting because it's "representation" when the representation drags everything down? Yeah, bad people exist and a lot of them are just assholes but realistic=/=satisfying, like when people complained about the s*xual assaults in a lot of movies, yes it's realistic but is it lazy and is just there to add shock values? Also yes in a lot of cases, that's how I feel about Stella currently, especially with the pattern of under developed female characters in HB, I really don't buy into the representation thing.

Agreed with all of this. Also, the problem with Stella is that when I call her character “lazy writing”, it’s not because I’m shocked that she’s a bad person, I just wish she was LAYERED. Not all villain characters have to be layered of course, but for a show where you have a bunch of demons who are flawed people and layered themselves, why make their villains one note? Not only does that make the character journey the protagonist has to go through be boring and shallow, but for a character like Stolas, a person who has done horrible things HIMSELF, it insults me how Viv writes her as this one note bitch and nothing else, because she’s clearly doing it to excuse the cheating, and make the audience feel bad for Stolas when our sympathy for this character should be EARNED, not because something bad is happening to them. It’s the same with Angel Dust and Valentino. You have a horrible character, but then you pair them with someone who is worse and one note, automatically making that said OTHER character look good. And people can get mad at me all they want, but the hypocrisy in this fandom is WILD. Y’all will say the meanest nastiest things about Stella and Valentino, because one is a bitch and the other is an abusive pimp, (as well as getting on people’s case who simp for them) but then characters like Alastor are applaud and simped over when he’s LITERALLY a serial killer, and Angel is a murderer. And yes, I get that we’re supposed to LIKE the protagonist and hate the antagonists, but the problem is that the fandom will argue over which character is worse, when it shouldn’t be a competition. They’re ALL bad, yet most of this fandom will have a cry fit if I say that. Stella is bad, but in her character’s case they could have made her layered, but of course no. We have to make her a bitch so the audience can feel bad for Stolas, a person who treated his partner like a sex slave and nothing else, as well as was more focused on getting his bird dick arise then mending to his daughter in Loo Loo Land. But yeah, Viv really needs to up her game in the writing department. I’m tired of her desperately trying to make her heavily flawed characters look good while the universe works in their favor for the sake of the plot, as well as her female characters being fan service bait, and not developed at all.

[toonblabbers]

Balls to the Walls Random Headcanons

A/N: Just trying to flex and expand my writing with other characters: Ace Edition - Ushijima, Iwaizumi, Aran, Hoshiumi, Asahi, Yamamoto and Sakusa!

I didn’t write about my big sexy himbo Bokuto because my blog is like almost 90% him

This contains some mentions to smut so hey: minors DNI! Thanks!

 Ushijima:

Service top with a dash of Dom. Got a big cock but he doesn’t know what to do with it so please help him out.

Had one (1) partner before you and they told him he can be too rough so now he’s the literal definition of Gentle Giant. Again tell him what to do and how you like it

He on the other hand…Well he’s got a hard body from years of strength and endurance training. He has very specific spots where he’s super sensitive, but he’s easily embarrassed about them

One spot is right behind his earlobe. Sit in his lap, pinch his ear and gently rub it between your fingers. The sight of Ushi’s eyes fluttering closed as his breathing picks up is truly a sight to behold

Another spot is his wrist; stare him in the eyes and kiss his wrist before a match to have his knees quake a little and shorts feel a little tighter

Actually loves to discover new kinks with you. He finds it more romantic than having a quiet dinner with you in an expensive restaurant

Can be a big ole needy baby during the off season of volleyball. Tugging on your shirt when you leave the bed, follows you into the bathroom, stands behind you in the kitchen or when you’re doing laundry. He’s not vocal with his words but more with his body

Don’t tease him though; it’s still a very new feeling for him to express

 Iwaizumi

Hates fighting with you but loves to pull you close and soothe you with a hot kiss

Has big Dom Daddy energy, but there are a few ways to make him start to crumble under you touch

If you use any piece of clothing to pull him in closer to you like his collar, his tie when he wears one, or his belt. Lean in like your gonna kiss him, stare at his lips then his eyes and then just walk away like nothing happened. You bet your sweet ass he’s gonna follow you to get that kiss

Another way that he refuses to admit he likes: play with his nipples. He’s got some fairly big and dark nipples compared to his friends and they get hard easily. Brush your fingers over them when you lean in to kiss and he’s got diamonds poking through his polo shirt

One way that he will admit is ass play. Now he’s not ready to full on take a cock in his ass, but things like your fingers, anal beads, or a vibrator? Makes him practically cum on the spot

Loves it when you get rough on him. Not like in a “I’m gonna slap you” kind of way but in the “grab him by the hair and demand he fucks you properly when he’s taking it too slow” kind of way

His cock pulsing hard inside of you and his eyes dilating is a dead giveaway of how much he loves it

 Aran

Admittedly, he doesn’t have a monster dong (sorry not sorry, not all fucking black guys have a big cock so stop fetishing it thanks – from a black woman) but it does have a nice curve to it

He’s a disgusting romantic so full on he will bust out the candles, the rose petals, and the silk robe waiting on the bed for you. He saw it in a movie once as a kid and wanted to try it ever since

He so cute though because since he is a big romantic, he’s always cooking you breakfast and singing a little song in the morning for you. He even does a little dance while carrying the tray off food just to see you smile in the morning

He’s also such a soft Dom dude. Admittedly a little scared to try an bottom for you but man does he make you feel loved when he’s in between your legs

Loves to hold your hands or hold you close when he cums. Wants you to feel how his whole body shudders because of how good you make him feel

Big ole cuddle bug so it’s best to have some towels and water bottles by the bed cause neither of you are moving unless he says so

He’s a man a of quality and not quantity, so yeah you guys only go one round of sex cause he’s bone tired after he cums. That doesn’t mean he can’t make you cum multiple times though

Hoshiumi

 A short King. We stan (I’m 5’9 so he’s short to me)

He is a meeeeessy boi dude like if ya’ll in a hurry to fuck, he’ll quickly slobber all over you and use as much spit as he needs to slide home. Loves how tight you are, but he’s careful enough to make sure it doesn’t hurt you…..too much

Loves. To. Fuck. You. Both. Dumb.

Did you just cum? Well he’s not stopping until he cums. Did he just cum? Well he’s not stopping until you cum. Wants to keep it equal

Please sit on his face. He loves it. And if you play with his balls like rolling them in your hands and squeezing them? He’s whining and panting while eating you out like a mad man

He adores it when you play with his hair when you’re cuddling. Just don’t be surprised if he starts humping against you. It just feels so good

He’s very competitive so god help you if you’re with his friends and they start talking about their sex stories.

If there’s a friend there (Hinata) that talks about the kind of kinks they do with their partner and it’s something you guys haven’t tried before? Guess what’s on the list tonight

 Asahi

God just hold him. He needs it. Another one that's is a great service top for someone who loves to lead from the bottom (me @ me)

Not the biggest set in the world but he's got passion so sex is almost always soft and sweet

He's still hot in his own ways like the way his deep grunts start to turn into softest and sweetest moans

Or the way he stares at you; eyes swirling between lust and loves with tears threatening to spill

Please don't be mean to him unless he asks. It's evident that he holds a lot of insecurities and he's trying his best for you. Love and dote on him because his aftercare is top tier

Even if you guys don't do anything special or crazy. Just some straight vanilla sex, he always makes sure that you're comfortable before you go to bed

Also he helps you establish a nightly routine with him so what's not to love about that?

Yamamoto

SIMP ALERT. Be ready for one of the LOUDEST simps out there. 

I'm talking a bigger simp than all the setters for Hinata or all the captains for Daichi

You can fit so much passion and respecting people juice into this boy right here

I don't see him being a wild boy but if you're into it then so is he. Want him to spank you? He's gonna ask how hard baby.

However if you want to do something that he seems a bit hesitant on, he’s gonna try to be overconfident with everything. Make sure you talk to him and make sure you have a solid agreement with with him. Communication is key with him!

He's a little sloppy and lazy with his aftercare but you know what, it's always fun with him

I don't know much about him but he gives off that vibe of a man that runs on pure fiery passion and motivation. Like if he’s feeling like loving on you tonight? Be ready to not do a damn thing cause youre gonna be his precious pillow gem (idk if there's a gn term for ‘pillow princess’)

Sakusa

Ooof. Where do I begin with this beautiful man. Pretty body with a pretty cock to match for starts

He’s sexy man but he has these cute little moles all over his body. He personally doesn’t like them but please kiss each one even the one on his butt. He may not voice it but he loves it so much

He will gladly do the same for you; kissing you every part of your body that you may not like about yourself.

Doesn’t have a high sex drive, but when he’s in the mood, damn you better clear your plans. He believes in both quantity AND quality so you will be thoroughly fucked out when he’s done with you

I see him as the kind of dom that goes for the kind of pleasure that benefits you both. Not a selfish lover but also not an absolute giver like the others

Yeah there are nights where he wants to treat you but others nights he’s gonna make you work for it

Tagging: @hiddenbluee, @kou-taro, @justcoffeewithoutcaffeine​

[cadybear420]

Thanks to the response to my ask, hard agree on a lot of stuff!

Apologies for this upcoming long response, but I just have a LOT of thoughts abut this whole topic.

I see a lot of people praise HSS:CA MC for being more realistic and relatable while OG HSS MC making friends quickly and being very talented is too unrealistic.

I didn't mind CA MC but they felt WAY too much like a pre-constructed character, which can work in some books but not in HSS. OG MC was more of a blank slate that is easier to personalize, while still being allowed to be proactive and get shit done, so that's why I prefer them. And I don't hold the unrealistic aspects against them or against HSS as a whole, cause it felt like it's meant to be more escapist. It's the high school life we wish we had, taking down corrupt Umbridge-esque principals instead of fussing over AP exams. It's a bit unrealistic to how actual high school is, but just enough so that it's fun while also not being too absurd.

Why I also don't think MC being popular and talented is bad is because the plots don't revolve around how popular and talented MC is. Besides maybe one or two slightly cheesy moments (you know the ones, where everyone is cheering on MC) they don't really shove it down our throats that MC is popular and talented, and the MC's friendships do feel natural and not just like people are blindly worshipping them.

Also, you got to choose which extracurricular you did in each book with OG. It's very immersive and it's why I do hold OG HSS as one of the more superior Choices series.

And oh my fucking god I could not agree more on how HSS:CA treats the OG cast!!!. OG HSS did a much better job utilizing HSS Prime characters: they all had important roles in the story and conflicts, including small conflicts of their own. Their characterization and writing actually felt based off of the original game. It actually felt like meaningful cameos rather than cheap nostalgia grabbing. Never once did it make me feel like I could replace all the Prime characters with new characters and not lose much. It actually feels connected to the Prime game while still being able to stand on its own two feet (I played Choices HSS before I found the Prime game and even then I found the Prime characters very memorable).

But in Class Act? You could replace everything from OG HSS that was in HSS:CA, from the characters all the way to the setting of Cedar Cove and Berry High itself... and you'd lose absolutely nothing about HSS:CA. Besides Skye's story with Brian maybe having less emotional impact on us readers but that's about it.

Book 3 was by far the worst and most disappointing. The OG Cast literally joins the CA gang in the musical (A musical for which they will be going on a trip to London together to perform it in what's basically a high school Broadway competition, seriously that's like the most exciting premise I have ever seen in a HSS story) and somehow they STILL do nothing of value! The two groups don't even bond with each other or anything, outside of that one go-karting scene. It's a shame cause there are so many missed opportunities for friendship everywhere: Ajay and Aiden being renaissance men, Emma continuing to help Ajay with dealing with divorce, Michael and Skye being tech buddies, Ajay and Maria being director buddies.

But no, the OG cast still only serves to be the equivalent of cardboard theatre props.

At least when ILB focused on a new MC and friend group, it had the excuse of being in a different setting from Westchester and Westchester High. And even that still utilized ILITW characters far better than HSS:CA did with HSS characters. Not only did they make Tom a LI and expand on his character, but even the smaller cameos of the ILITW gang and Redfield/MC/Noah still felt like they were there to be meaningful and not as just cheap nostalgia bait. Cause that's what OG HSS's cameos are in CA, nostalgia bait so cheap that even the worst of Disney's live action remakes are cringing.

It doesn't help that this was the last installment in the HSS franchise as a whole. I actually had no idea there was originally a continuity error where MC, Emma, Caleb, and Michael were graduating along with Maria and Aiden! But if anything it really just goes to show how lazy PB was with utilizing the OG cast.

Even that aside, I don't think even making the gang all seniors would have saved how emotionless and inconclusive that ending is. OG HSS's ending worked because MC made genuine friendships with pretty much all of the side characters, so sending them off actually felt like we were saying goodbye to them. In CA's ending it's just like "Oh yeah Aiden and Maria got into Terman U" um hello, this is the last time I'm ever seeing these beloved characters, make the sendoff feel like it's actually meaningful! And then MC is all like "Yay I survived my first year of high school, I wonder what is next for me" "and now your time at Berry must come to an end" Like that's just ID ending levels of forced and inconclusive.

I didn't mind Rory and Ajay too much. I hated that Ajay never apologized for failing to be unbiased about the sabotage thing, but I don't hold it against him as a person in the end because (unlike the other people accusing MC like Clint and Natalie) he does eventually seem to develop and become a more sympathetic character in the later two books. Rory wasn't unlikeable but easily the least good of all HSS LIs, OG and CA. Definitely felt like their entire character was just "resident theatre heartthrob", every other LI at least had some personal growth arc but not Rory. And it really bugs me that the whole plot of book 1 is designed to revolve around MC's forced crush on Rory and Danielle trying to compete with MC over getting to kiss Rory on stage.

And then the rest of the characters were just very lackluster. Skye was good with a solid arc through all three books, and the twin is a fun character, but that's about it. The side characters are completely un-memorable or irritating compared to OG's side characters. Erin is nice but you'd lose nothing important if you remove her. Clint and Natalie are just irritating Rory simps (thankfully they move on by the end of the trilogy but it's very last minute). Amber is irrelevant and forgettable when she's not being possessive over twin or endangering the life of a kitten. Lorenzo is a funny and goofy character but he doesn't really have much presence.

And the stories in CA definitely felt less structured compared to OG HSS's, even with the third one having a very engaging premise. Book 1 revolved around the forced crush on Rory. Book 2 is messy, had little to do with theatre, and the main turning point relied on making all the other side characters become stupid for the sake of the plot (I know teens can be irrational but surely not something as stupid as mindlessly supporting a candidate solely because he saved a kitten). And Book 3 is by far the most disappointing, baiting us to think the OG cast would be relevant again only for their presence to have less heart and meaningfulness in it than a Family Guy cutaway gag.

There are only a few things I think CA did better than OG. 1: it's prom was far better and had more activities to do, whereas OG prom had one short-lived activity and one activity that revolved around the forced importance of MC's prom campaign. Second, while OG had great LIs, we actually got to meet the parents of all of the CA LIs (why don't we ever meet Caleb's and Michael's parents) and get to know them on a more personal level that way, we got more opportunities to spend time with the LIs, and (besides Rory) they did feel slightly more fleshed out as we learned about their personal lives. Third, the friend group did feel tighter and we got more opportunities to spend time with them as a group whereas we only get one of those for OG.

But that's about it. If anything, HSS:CA was just wasted potential. It did have some good ideas, but it did not execute them well.

So yeah, if I had to sum it up in a shorter way:

OG HSS had more structured stories, a more immersive MC, more immersive choice systems, more memorable side characters, more polished antagonists, and a stronger utilization of older characters with better connection to previous source material. 

HSS:CA had a tighter friend group dynamic and a more enjoyable prom, and while both books had amazing LIs (with the exception of Rory to an extent), CA’s were slightly more fleshed out and gave us more opportunities to spend time with the LIs. 

Both books were reportedly relatively good at handling gender coding, though CA did have more issues with it (such as male MC being referred to as “thee my daughter” in the promposal) as well as more unnecessary gender changes (such as male MC’s character being changed from Miranda to Milo while female Rory still gets to play Ferdinand, or Ajay pulling MC into his lap in the f!MC version of the hot tub scene but MC pulling Ajay into his lap in the m!MC version). 

But CA also suffered from less structured stories that held wasted potential, a MC that wasn’t bad but felt way too pre-constructed and thus less immersive, forgettable side characters, mostly half-baked antagonists (the Crandalls are the exception), terrible utilization of older characters– and is overall a trilogy where you could replace everything from previous HSS installments with completely new characters and a different high school and lose absolutely nothing important.

And honestly, CA as it is would have been much better off as a separate franchise rather than as a HSS spinoff.

Saw your Choices books ranking tierlist, it got me wondering why HSS:CA is so low on the list (I'm not criticizing here, as I myself found HSS:CA to be disappointing wasted potential), and what are your personal opinions on the HSS trilogy and the HSS:CA trilogy? How would you compare the two to one another?

Given that I had played the original HSS app, seeing a lot of the old characters in the Choices version made the introduction to the main character and their friends a lot easier and more natural. I can’t quite put my finger on why I like it exactly, just that all the characters were relatable and down-to-earth and the books were good, wholesome fun. The MC themself was one of the better ones even though they were on the younger side: they weren’t stale or boring and they weren’t the qUiRkY cHaOtIc DuMbAsS that Pixelberry seems to love so much.

HSS:CA immediately throws the original cast away. This was a risk on PB’s part, and while I respect them taking that risk, it just didn’t work. Most of the cast in HSSCA was either bland or completely annoying to me. Rory and Ajay were the worst, IMO. Rory was a Mary Sue in every sense of the word. Everyone in-universe loved them and had crushes on them even though they were totally cookie cutter. And Ajay was a smarmy jerk. Did he ever apologize for thinking we broke OG MC’s foot? I don’t think he did, but that always annoyed me too.

So they introduced this cast at the cost of our beloved original cast. And…for what, exactly? The plot for all three books was totally lukewarm and book two, the only one to deviate even slightly from the other two, was the worst of them all. I didn’t care what happened to any of the characters, didn’t care about their interests, quirks, motives, backstories. I just didn’t care. The new cast PALED in comparison to our old one and my enjoyment of the book suffered as a result.

Even worse, they kept the original cast around but as background characters. And worse still, they hit us with a continuity error as the reason we stopped playing as the old MC with their friends. They were all about to graduate. This is all well and good, but in the original HSS where all the characters were sophomores (except Aiden and Maria, who were juniors), about one school year passes over the course of the three books, and the new MC joins the school the following fall, and all of a sudden all of the old gang are seniors. I remember a scene in HSSCA where they all talked about what they were going to do after graduation, but according to the wikia, they appear to have fixed their grade levels and made everyone juniors again. So basically, all of this was for nothing.

I don’t know. I just really couldn’t stand what they had done to the original cast in favor of the new, considerably more aggravating and less compelling cast.

[stellocchia]

Since I really enjoyed yesterday's stream I decided to do one of my overly long analysis on it

So, here's my analysis of (DSMP LORE) Healthy Competition

Dialogues will be color-coded as usual, so here's what I used: Phil, Wilbur, Ranboo

As always I am incapable of brevity, so everything's under the cut

The stream starts with a conversation between Phil and Wilbur in which Wilbur admits that he hasn't been to visit Phil in a while, which makes Phil's later threat about throwing him out feel that much more ridiculous since Wilbur clearly doesn't really live with him either way...

"Alright, it's got one for Phil, one for Ranboo, and one for Techno. Is that all that live here? Just you three?" "Yep, just us three, just chilling"

The only reason why I'm singling this out is that it was right after the mention of Techno's birthday and Wilbur was pointing at the seats occupied by the 4 members of the Syndicate so it feels slightly weird that Niki wasn't mentioned at all. But also it's technically not a lie, she doesn't live there and she only comes around for the Syndicate meetings.

Another thing to add is that Wilbur did notice the chest Ranboo left for him and consciously decided to ignore it.

"I must admit I've come to you with a bit of a- a bit of a proposition. You're into propositions Phil? Are you a bit of a 'propositions' kinda guy?" "Oh, depends, depends. You- you've had some pretty... let- let's just say, uh- not- not a great track record on propositions that you've had in the past" "Alright... I mean, I'm trying to move past that"

I wonder what exactly Phil is referring to here. Because, like, Wilbur did bad things, don't get me wrong, but what's his track record with "propositions" in particular? Because he isn't talking about "Tommy, let's be the bad guys" here since he doesn't know about that. Is he talking about Wilbur founding L'Manburg? But then again, I don't think Wilbur interpreted it that way. I think that, from Wilbur's reaction, he clearly interpreted it as a jab at him exploding L'Manburg (which is the one thing he's trying to move past) which would be extremely hypocritical from Phil since he did the exact same thing but worse.

Also, I really do think that Wilbur is trying to move forward. He's lonely and he has the lowest possible opinion of himself so it doesn't feel weird that he'd want to move on. He isn't putting the work in it right now and he hasn't really changed, but he does seem to want to (though I think he may not know how).

"He [Quackity] didn't seem afraid of me, which is cool. Not many people- I mean you don't seem afraid of me. You aren't afraid of me, are you Phil?" (little look into Wilbur's mind and his fear of isolation once again. And this is fear of isolation, he's worried that other people are afraid of him and therefore are only waiting for him to step out of line so that all their fears would be confirmed)

"'Cause I'm not afraid of you [Phil]" (bold words for someone who spent who knows how long lying to his dad because of a crippling fear of disappointment...)

"Technoblade spent his entire time taking down the establishments, what he left is, as predicted, a power vacuum for a new establishment to come in" (in case it wasn't obvious, Wilbur is not the biggest fan of anarchy. And he actually got this one criticism spot on, indeed all taking down L'Manburg did was getting 4 new governmental-like structures to sprout in its place)

"Phil, I want to make a burger van" *Phil sighs and walks away* (I'm more sure now that Phil really meant "creating L'Manburg" as Wilbur's bad track record with propositions)

Wilbur repeating 4 times that he has no ulterior motive with the burger van managed to make me think the exact opposite. That said that ulterior motive may just be to create a safe little home for himself and Tommy for all we know honestly. Also, the whole thing with Phil trying to convince his grown-ass kid to go play with the neighbor kid and Wilbur throwing a tantrum in response was hilarious...

"If he's [Ranboo] shit you gotta come help me okay? If he's shit you've gotta come be burger boy with me, okay?" (he still is mistrustful to an extreme and pretty childish admittedly)

"Why is he [Phil] treating me like a kid?! Why is he treating me like a little baby?" (remembering how Wilbur treated Fundy I think it may be a family problem)

Another interesting thing to point out is that Wilbur was openly scared of the spider attacking him here, and fights it off, but he doesn't move away from the explosion later on and he didn't move away from the exploding creepers last stream. Other people already made this connection, but I do think it may be a sort of way to punish himself. Specifically, it's brought up later on that he thinks he got off easy for what he did, so he's using what he hurt others with (explosions) to hurt himself now as a sort of punishment for that. Which is another indication of just how much his stay in Limbo didn't help with his mental health.

"Am I being- is this [Ranboo having both cows and wheat] a setup?" (the paranoia never left)

"Ranboo I'm gonna go out on a limb here: do- do you wanna be friends?" "Su-sure yeah, I don't see why not" (I think that at this point it was still just Wilbur following along with what his dad told him to do and trying to find out more about Ranboo. That does seem to change later down the line)

"And then we decided that it [the 'cookie' outpost] was too much trouble so we kinda just left it" (So we have confirmation that the cookie outpost was abandoned)

"We're not gonna annoy Quackity" "That's good" "We can't annoy- we can't annoy him because we're simply put- we're simply put gonna be making...- I got the real estate! He's giving me the area and we're gonna be making a competing business"

Wilbur says this as if he wasn't perfectly aware that this would annoy the sh*t out of Quackity. As if the point of it wasn't exactly to annoy Quackity. Or well, annoying him isn't the end goal, it's just the means to an end. We don't know the actual end goal (though I think Wilbur still wants to either be let into Las Nevadas or actually instate a rivalry between them as he said, one of the two).

"We [he and Quackity] were a part of the same cabinet during New L'Manburg or whatever" "Cabinet?" "Yeah a cabinet is like-" "Was this- was this with Tubbo?" "Yeah yeah" (...) "So you were part of the old L'Manburg? I didn't know that actually, I thought you were a bit of an independent"

Once again: Wilbur is missing A LOT of knowledge. He wasn't aware that New L'Manburg had a cabinet and he wasn't aware that Ranboo was ever part of the country either. He has a lot of misconceptions about what happened during the time he was dead so it really shouldn't be a surprise to anyone that his views on a lot of things are as warped as they are. Wilbur is getting to his conclusions with an incomplete and sometimes wrong set of data.

"Do you dislike anyone Ranboo?" "Not too much I don't think. I mean there are other people I don't, like, agree with what they've done of course, but I think that everyone is just a product of what they've gone through and everything so if you understand that then you understand the person!"

There is nothing inherently wrong with Ranboo's reasoning here. It's true that most people are a result of their environment and, once you understand what they've been through you can understand them better as a person. It's also fine that he personally doesn't want to hold grudges. But that way of thinking isn't applicable to those who have been hurt by others, sure they can reach an understanding, but an understanding of a person doesn't justify shit and doesn't change shit unless that person works towards repairing old broken relationships. It just all sounds like a nice way of thinking about things in theory, but in practice, it just takes away responsibility from those who have wronged others to fix things and moves it to those who have been wronged. (Ranboo isn't advocating for everyone to think that way though, but I know the fandom will).

Either way, they arrive in Las Nevadas and Wilbur talks about how their place doesn't benefit the consumer and puts down 3 signs.

"I've been trying to think of a name for it [his and Tommy's area], I'm thinking about 'Paradise'"

There are two possible reasons for the name that I can think of:

1) It's in reference to Las Nevadas itself and how Las Nevadas is based on Las Vegas, the famous city of sin

2) It could be a reference to Tommy insistently calling Las Nevadas Paradise in the last stream and Wilbur trying to convince him that their place is the true Paradise

Wilbur does decide to make the Burger Van right at the border which really feels like a very obvious provocation. The other thing is that he makes it clear that he wants the van to be red and white which could be a random choice, but really feels like a reference to Tommy (since they are famously his colors) or an imitation of their opposition. Or both considering how much Tommy liked the restaurant of the opposition and the fact that Wilbur is still trying to convince him to stay.

"I'm not very fond of blue" (at this point it's obvious that Wilbur has quite a bit of pent-up animosity against Ghostbur. I wonder if it is because it still feels like people liked the ghost more than him...)

"Like, the Cookie Shop, I don't even know if it was a cookie shop, to begin with, because it was a little... fortified if I'm entirely honest, I realize that now" "Really?" "Yeah did you not see- oh wait- that giant stone structure?" (Ranboo really did fail to realize that the cookie shop was actually a military outpost, huh?)

"See, I like Tubbo. He's strong-headed, he doesn't let people push him around, you know?" (this is both an interesting change in what he thinks of Tubbo if he actually thinks that and further confirmation that Wilbur isn't a fan of people he considers to be 'followers')

"Why do you claim that you're so 'peaceful' and 'neutral' and yet somehow appear in almost every conflict this server's had since I died?" (since I saw people claiming this is manipulation already, just know that it isn't. He's just confused because, admittedly, Ranboo is a confusing guy and Wilbur doesn't really know him at all)

"Ranboo, why did you come to help me?" (...) "And then also I just think, you know... you can, you know- I think- I think you're an alright person, you know? So I wanna- I did kinda wanna get off on a better foot with you then what happened-" "Why?" "Just because I don't really like having the thought that people don't really like me" "Nonononono not the bit about the right foot, the 'why don't you think I'm a bad person'" "Well I mean, I think that you did bad things, but like, I think that you also went through things that made you that way and then I also think that you've changed now (...) but I think that now you've- apparently you've been away long enough that I think that if anyone goes away for that long eventually they'll have a thought about their morality and everything and maybe become a better person because of it"

I know this quote was absurdly long, but it is one of the most interesting conversations of the whole stream and it is really important and it tells us quite a bit as well. For one thing Wilbur was left quite emotional from someone simply admitting that he's an "alright person" and that they think he's capable of changing and this does bring him to open up to Ranboo right after. What Ranboo says to be exact is that anyone would have changed after going through what Wilbur went through and that change could be positive and while I completely disagree with it, it's clearly something that Wilbur needed to hear.

Now as to why I disagree with the notion that 13 years of semi-complete isolation could change anyone for the better should be rather obvious. But if it isn't, well, that's torture to put it simply. Psychological torture. Just like abuse it's one of those things that only cause trauma and a worsening mental health state and we see this with Wilbur because he didn't change, he only became more self-deprecating. Hurting someone doesn't make them become a better person all of a sudden, that's really not how it works. Hurting someone makes them become more traumatized.

"I think I scare people" ( as I said, immediately opening up about his insecurities)

"I think that a lot of people share your idea, but they share your idea in trying to- trying to keep me from hurting them" (for a bit here Wilbur talks about how he feels like everyone else is just waiting for him to step a foot out of line, which does really show that he's still interpreting all his interactions with people through the lens of his paranoia and self-deprecation, because no one is really interacting with him with that objective in mind)

"Dream's had his comeuppance and I've not" (this seems to be the crux of Wilbur's insecurity. This idea that he got off scot-free for his crimes, the idea that the only difference between him and Dream is the punishment that's been bestowed upon them which, of course, is wrong, but he doesn't know this, because he doesn't actually know why Dream's in prison)

"I've been investing into the wrong areas Ranboo, I've been investing into the wrong people" (This is either a reference to Tommy, to Phil, to Quackity, or to all of them)

"We're kindred man, we get each other" (the reason why he thinks that is because he seems to think that Ranboo has a similar type of paranoia to what Wilbur experience himself and he's not entirely wrong. Ranboo is deathly afraid of conflict and of being disliked so much so that he never stands up for anything in fear of angering others)

Little definition of "neuroticism" for you all since Wilbur kept mentioning it: neuroticism, one of the Big 5 personality traits, is typically defined as a tendency toward anxiety, depression, self-doubt, and other negative feelings.

I'd say it's quite fitting for both characters...

"I feel like life dealt us the same cards and the difference is that you built your trust by showing people your cards whilst I- I keep them close to my chest and I feel like that may be the big difference" (I felt like this was interesting. Especially knowing how much Ranboo actually doesn't share and how much he actually also keeps close to his chest)

They talk about tubbo in general for a bit and about what's been going on the server in general. Ranboo also that he's part of both Snowchester and the arctic commune (mostly the latter though).

"This has been chill, this has been good, I'm excited to show Tommy. What's your opinion on Tommy?" "Oh, he's- he's great. Tommy's awesome" "I agree I agree" "Definitely gone through a lot but I think that it's made him a good person" "Well you seem to think that everyone going through something at least gives them some merit you said" "I mean, yeah. I mean if- if no one- the only really bad people are the ones who are just evil because- just because and they don't have any reason why"

Included the whole thing here because if I stopped at Ranboo saying that Tommy going through trauma is what made him a good person it would have sounded really bad. As things are I think that that was just poor wording on his part and that this mostly goes back to the mentality he expressed before about how people sometimes do bad things because of the environment they're in pushing them and this idea he seems to have that actual hardships (like 13 years in Limbo or whatever he knows about what Tommy has been through) can encourage people to be better which is... sort of naive honestly. Again, trauma isn't a catalyst for the betterment of a person, and any improvement Tommy has made came from his self-reflection, not what he's been through.

After they're done with the van Wilbur brings Ranboo to their competing establishment and asks him to smash the windows, which Ranboo does with no hesitation whatsoever. After that Wilbur proceeds to place down one single block of TNT in a corner and Ranboo starts being a little more hesitant.

"You trust me right?" (I feel like that was a trick question considering how their common paranoia is the thing that Wilbur praised in Ranboo before)

Wilbur hands Ranboo the flint and steel to detonate the piece of TNT which Ranboo does, albeit with some hesitation.

"You passed the test, good job man, you go back to the van (...) Ranboo- Ranboo... I'm proud of you man. You've taken a side, you've proven that you can choose a side"

Quite a few people have already pointed out how similar this scene was to the time Wilbur tested Tommy in season 1 to decide if he was fit to be his right-hand man. In both situations, Wilbur gave someone a chance to cause some destruction against someone on the opposite side. Tommy passed the test by refusing to do so and showing that he was willing to uphold his morals and what he believed in. Ranboo passed the test by doing the exact opposite, by showing that, as much as he talks about how he chooses people and not sides, he's not willing to prove that even when all he would need to do to do so is doing nothing.

And it's an interesting scene to analyze as a parallel to that, but it's also interesting to note that Wilbur knows about Ranboo and Tommy griefing George together. He knows that Tommy was the only one to face any consequences for it (not that exile was actually the consequence for the griefing, but this is from Wilbur's point of view). Now putting this in the context of Wilbur seeing himself in Ranboo and thinking that he himself got off scot-free explains this next part perfectly in my opinion.

It explains why he made sure to leave this sign:

To me at least. This is only a theory honestly, we don't have an actual full explanation. But I do think that Wilbur may feel like the both of them never got the comeuppance they deserved, which is why he did something that's sure to get a reaction from one of the most powerful people on the server. Though considering that he also left 2 diamonds as retribution + a chest with all the materials he picked up it could have also been Wilbur's idea of a bonding moment and he could actually really be proud of Ranboo.

[soullikethesea]

My doubt is so clearly linked to the clinic.

Deep inside, I trust my experiences. I know that DID therapy has worked for me. I love the alters I came to know and was able to realize are a part of me (in the same way that I am a part of them).

The clinic experiences feel like a stain, like an attempt to break that down. I learned some important lessons from it and it made me a whole lot less naive.

So what happened?

Treatment with my T at the time was stagnating. We figured out that my current daily life was far from safe, and yet we'd done intense trauma work in the midst of it. My T was in way over her head. I asked her to specialize so we could continue treatment, but she realized that it was too much for her and not worth it to her, because she was likely not going to treat another person like me in her career (as she was seriously considering retirement).

During the overwhelm, she had unwittingly also harmed me. Because she was not being supervised and guided properly, she had focused a lot on individual alters and was mostly "fascinated" and convinced we had to come up with our own treatment because we had to pioneer like that.

When I confronted her about the fact that there *are* treatment guidelines and when the weekly sessions became mostly her reiterating that she couldn't help me and that I asked too difficult questions... we started to look into potential referrals. There was this trauma centre that worked with the Coping book and I liked the idea of more structured learning.

So I was referred there. I had never been in a big place like that rather than with a private T, so everything about it scared me. So many people and procedures. Administration that took ages. No one remembering or knowing your story. I only had three appointments with them.

Online questionnaire, indicated possible dissociative disorder. Interview. The interview was so bad... they just went on and on and on until they made me cry. Then it suddenly stopped and I was sent away.

Then the diagnostic interview, which was so so so terrifying. Then the meeting in which they said that I probably had some sort of personality disorder with an extreme amount of dissociation and also C-PTSD. But they couldn't be sure. Either way, I was not welcome. Oh, and should stop reading the Coping book.

And looking back I'm so glad I wasn't welcome. They were forced to close less than a year later, so I would have been left with nothing. And by now I've heard about many more bad experiences with them.

So it was a blessing in disguise, even though they contributed to the breakdown of the relationship with my T back then. They were extremely sceptical of her. They thought that we were both mislead, mistaken, wrong. I was stereotyped as a typical med student thinking that I had all diagnoses I read about. (They could only see the "competition horse" side of me, the successful high-achiever). And when I don't know people or don't feel safe with them, I very skillfully and unconsciously hide every potential speck of emotion. I avoid vulnerability like a pro. I talk around questions, make everything vague so that I don't have to come close to my emotional truths.

So yes, I brought it upon myself. Not by choice, though.

I just can't get the feeling of their judgment out of my body. So much fear. Old T told me at the first or second appointment that she thought it could be DID. Then she repeated that it *was* DID a lot. And then, by the time I had accepted it, she didn't want to specialize. And then, after the clinic thing, denied that she'd ever said it was DID, or had ever treated me for it. When clearly she had focused so much on it, and on working with parts (who she treated as completely separate people).

So what did I take away from this?

Make sure that your T knows what they are doing, or at least make sure that you know what they are *supposed* to be doing. Specialize, become as knowledgable as you'd want your T to be. If only so that you can recognize when things are going awry. There are decades of research and scientific literature. Of course every approach has its limitations, but you don't have to reinvent the wheel.

Psychology and psychiatry are very powerful disciplines and hurt their patients. (Naivety spell was definitely broken).

It also reminded me so much of the gaslighting I've been through. I think that's what it made it traumatizing, combined with the trust in my T that it hurt so deeply. It negated all that treatment. It made me so scared that I'd trusted the wrong person.

So yes, it was traumatizing even when for most people it probably wouldn't have been.

It also made a big impression on me that much of the process was handled by an intern and I could tell she wanted something else for me, but she didn't have the power to change anything about it. It made me feel afraid for my own future as an intern somewhere and I think it steered me away from clinical psychology forever. I know she had to write a report about me. She sent me like 8 extra questionnaires after they'd rejected me, which likely showed more suspicions of OSDD/DID because I'm much better at giving clear answers to questionnaires. It's just less scary to me than people are. Writing is also less scary than talking is.

It was a good thing that I slipped through the cracks. It was a good thing. But man, the whole thing was painful.