#because if anyone can figure out what to do about this or like be able to mobilize The Powers That Be to stop it it’s him

[doberbutts]

Being transgender, being gay, I made my peace with a lot of things when I learned many hard truths about what life would be like for me the moment I chose to chase my own happiness and walk away from the sensibilities of my family and hometown.

I made my peace with never passing as male. With never getting top surgery. With never having a friend group that actually understands me. With never loving someone who actually wants who I really am. With never getting married, or having a family.

I thought I could be content with what little I could do, because it seemed like I wouldn't be able to do much of anything.

It will be two weeks from my top surgery tomorrow. And it has felt like I'm living in a dream the entire time. I suppose after years of dreaming about finally having a flat chest, having this now be my reality feels like one sharp jolt and I will return to the waking world where this was never going to be an option.

I look into the mirror and I just see- me. I undid my surgical garment to apply my scar strips and couldn't help but stare. That's me looking back.

My breasts were large enough to obscure the shape of my torso- so I really had no frame of reference for what I would look like without.

I hated the sensation of having my breasts and especially my nipples touched- and I know part of this is the nerves re-attaching- but it's so sensitive right now. Not painful, just sensitive in a new way that I never really felt before. And it does feel like I still have nipples, even though I don't. Where my nipples would be, there is sensation present that is similar to what I've always associated with my shirt rubbing against them.

I've chased and wanted this for so long that now that I have it, it feels unreal. It feels like tomorrow some politician is going to announce that I'll undergo a second procedure to put them back on.

But it also feels like freedom. The smile on my face when I look down and see my chest, the giddiness I feel when I remember that this is the first two weeks of the rest of my life.

I don't have full range of motion or strength back yet. I can feel my pecs twitching as I sit on my couch, and I feel a million sensations playing back and forth across my chest as the nerves do their thing.

I started my scar tape today just to see if I can prevent the hypertrophic scarring I'm prone to and have in other areas. But, even if I can't, I'm happy to simply be flat. I'll figure out the rest later.

Anyone who has been suffering quietly- I'm 32. I came out at 13. I didn't feel right being a girl before that.

It has been a long and arduous journey. But it is never too late to take your first steps.

You also can chase your own happiness. You deserve it.

[literaryvein-reblogs]

How to write charisma in different characters? like a royal , a moody teen , a young leader?

Writing Notes: Charismatic Characters

Charisma - a personal magic of leadership arousing special popular loyalty or enthusiasm for a public figure (such as a political leader); a special magnetic charm or appeal (Merriam-Webster)

As a Literary Trope:

It determines someone's ability to influence others.

Fairly vague in nature, this influence can take the form of anything from inspiring loyalty to intimidating others, and finds its natural home in checks involving interactions.

While usually not explicitly supernatural, it can nevertheless even work on supernatural entities in some settings. One guide on different levels of charisma:

The character is adept at understanding and manipulating other people, though not outstandingly good.

The character is likely a leader or performer by profession. They have a talent for evoking emotion in others, through speeches, artistic works or possibly just idle taunts.

The character begins to become more influential than almost anyone has a right to be. A paragon of virtue or brutal dictator are both possible paths.

It doesn't matter how good you are. This guy or gal has several hundred devoted followers to match you, possibly even an entire army or country. Negotiation, bribery, blackmail...none of these will have any effect when matched against raw zeal. It's not like you'll be able to resist for long, anyway.

"The Leader" Trope

Every group usually has a leader. When push comes to shove, there's gotta be someone that stands up, takes charge, and makes a decision. Even if it goes unsaid, it's usually obvious to everyone who's calling the shots.

The de facto leader does it out of necessity or their personality type.

The de jure leader is officially agreed upon, and may hold the title or rank.

One type is the "Charismatic" Leader. Defining trait: Likeability. The Face of the team, either because they're the most feared, most skilled, most loved and respected, chosen by destiny, or are the most personally invested in the team's goals. In contrast to Masterminds, their personality is what brings, and keeps, the team together. At an impasse, everyone else is willing to agree to what they want to do and won't argue. The strongest of these are the core of their group, weaker ones are mascots or figureheads. May overlap with or evolve into any of the other three types of leaders (The Mastermind; the Levelheaded; the Headstrong).

The "Universally Beloved Leader" Trope

Everyone loves this ruler.

A simple request — not an order, but an appeal — will get immediate results.

Even their enemies will acknowledge their virtue, viewing them as Worthy Opponents.

The "Magnetic Hero" Trope

Another leader character trope with charisma.

Occasionally, you get a hero with such personal magnetism that he is capable of persuading others, to join him in his quest.

Of course, the new companion has no qualms about killing for, or even dying for, the hero, despite having known him only briefly and facing many people who want him dead.

This is a staple of fiction that may well be Older Than They Think.

Many epics and legends chronicle the process by which a hero gathers a band of motley friends and allies of dubious background but doubtless courage and nobility.

Even if the hero has no special quality compared to his subordinates, this is often his implied "power", their heart.

Charismatic Leadership

A subtype of transformational leadership.

In charismatic leadership, the leader checks all 4 of the boxes outlined below but he or she is also very skilled in communicating with others, especially on a deeper level (Riggio, 2012).

Bass’ transformational leadership style, characterized by:

Idealized influence: the leader is liked and respected by their followers, and serve as a role model.

Inspirational motivation: the leader motivates and inspires their followers.

Intellectual stimulation: the leader promotes creativity and innovation through open-mindedness and non-threatening questioning of ideas.

Individualized consideration: the leader treats each follower as a unique individual with unique strengths, weaknesses, and needs (Bass & Riggio, 2006).

The Greek word charisma means "favor" or "gift."

It comes from the verb charizesthai ("to favor"), which in turn comes from the noun charis, meaning "grace."

In English, charisma was originally used in Christian contexts to refer to a gift or power bestowed upon an individual by the Holy Spirit for the good of the Church—a sense that is now very rare.

These days, we use the word to refer to social, rather than divine, grace. For instance, a leader with charisma may easily gain popular support, and a job applicant with charisma may shine in an interview.

Some researchers suggest charisma isn't enough to make successful leaders. "If leaders are only charismatic, they'd rather keep power for themselves," Stefani Yorges, PhD, a West Chester University psychology professor notes.

Psychologist Robert Hogan, PhD, agrees, suggesting that charisma has a dark side resembling narcissism. 

"People who score high on narcissism are bold, assertive, attractive and powerful - what we would consider charismatic," Hogan says. "But they can fail as leaders because they never admit mistakes. It's a myth that great leaders are simply charismatic. They are also humble."

Charismatic, Moody Teen Character

some related tropes you can combine and borrow ideas from:

A Child Shall Lead Them: A child, often a teenager, leads a group of adults. Youthful rulers are common in literature and history. If children, they are depicted as adorable; if in their teens or twenties, they simply create a sense of awe and protectiveness in their older advisers. Their naive simplicity may in fact make them good (and sometimes ruthless) rulers, as they prefer to cut through the red tape of court etiquette. Because of their youth and inexperience, they are often underestimated by the villains. They usually exhibit great wisdom in the course of the story, thus justifying their enormous power despite their youth.

Grade-School C.E.O.: A minor, often a teenager, holds a high-ranking position in a company. Usually younger than 17 years old, which is just young enough that it seems implausible. Often the age is justified by the fact that their parents owned the controlling interest in the company, so ownership of it fell to them upon their death.

Teens Are Angsty: Teens portrayed as whiny, mopey or self-important. They can be summed up in the sentence "Nobody understands me!". Most works with an angsty teen do it semi-sympathetically, where the character is at worst whiny and judgmental, but fundamentally good. However, it's not considered Age-Appropriate Angst as their complaints feel unjustified for their age.

Charismatic Royal Characters

some related tropes for inspiration:

The Good King: Is honorable, virtuous, wise, and understanding ruling The Good Kingdom. He treats his subjects with respect (no matter how seemingly unimportant they are), governs the land fairly, is a Royal Who Actually Does Something, and feels no need to flaunt his considerable power. The Good King also tends to be soft-spoken, but when he raises his voice, you’d better listen. You might mistake his kindness for weakness, but you would do well to remember that good does not always equal soft.

The High King: A person who even other rulers swear fealty to, but chooses not to hold the rank of Emperor. It is a title derived from historical Britain (with approximate equivalents in several other places), and widely used in fiction. A High King rules a feudal alliance or federation of states; usually he doesn't manifest direct power over all subjects of his vassal kings, which makes him different from a totalitarian emperor who is omnipresent in the daily affairs of his subjects. That's why a High King is likely to be good.

The High Queen: A woman of wealth, power, and near-impossible beauty. She always has a calm demeanor and regal bearing. Her very voice, even if it does not ring with power (and it often does), still lets you know that, in some way, she is probably better than you, even if the lady herself does not look down on you at all. Her beauty and goodness are usually to be admired passionately but from some distance. The High Queen is rarely a love interest, but the few times she is, expect a little warming up due to the charms of the hero.

Reluctant Ruler: Someone who is entrusted with permanent power over others despite desperately trying to avoid it at all costs. It is believed that between a brilliant person who strives for glory and a brilliant person who shuns it, the latter is least likely to abuse the power they are given, automatically making them a passable, if not great, ruler.

Sources: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 ⚜ More: References ⚜ Writing Resources PDFs

Here are some references and related tropes. Choose which ones best suit your story. And modify as needed/desired. You can find more examples and details in the sources linked above. Hope this helps with your writing!

[ink-stainedkiss]

*this is a bit shorter than the others*

Dog!Toji who is the definition of scary dog privileges, literally and figuratively. Don’t let the floppy ears and small tail fool you, Toji wears a vicious scowl anywhere he goes with you. Most are afraid to approach you because they don’t want to feel his wrath. You swear he’s never hurt a fly, but it’s hard to believe that when Toji growls harshly at anyone who dares to come close. Of course in your eyes, Toji is the sweetest thing to ever exist, so you don’t pay attention to their funny comments.

Dog!Toji who isn’t great at hiding his pleasure when you scratch certain spots. It’s especially noticeable when you reach up behind his ear, snickering at his hushed groans. You are sure if he was a little bit more of an animal, he would start kicking his leg.

Dog!Toji who tries to be the most stoic thing ever. He thinks he’s too much of a strong breed to fold over your simple affection. Though, his resolve quickly disappears when you plant a small kiss on his cheek. Toji trails after you, trying to keep his wagging tail to a minimum, he curses himself for not being able to speak to you, so you’re left just staring at him with an amused look.

“What?” You question. Toji looks like the epitome of disappointment, his brow furrowed and mouth set in a frown. You had no clue why he was so cranky all of a sudden, but he was boring into your eyes, like he was trying to use telepathy,”Are you hungry?” Toji shakes his head with an annoyed huff. He looked so upset you couldn’t help but giggle,”What is wrong with you?”

Toji rolled his eyes and began to walk away, not caring that you wouldn’t fulfill his silent request, but he couldn’t take another step before you grabbed his hand,”Okay, okay, sorry.” You continued to stare up at the canine, who looked completely done with you. Just as you were about to ramble off suggestions in hopes to find what’s making him act like this, you watch as his eyes flick down to your lips. Eyes widening, you finally figured it out.

“Do you want another kiss?” As much as he wanted to suppress it, his ears perked up at the sound. You watched as he looked away, embarrassed even though he’s the one needy for your love. He can’t remain shy for too long since you are already on your tippy toes and landing another peck onto his face. Out of surprise, he faces you, only to be smothered by your lips.

Dog!Toji who has an incredible sense of smell, so incredible that he can pick up where you went out and what you ate/drank, and who you were with. You can imagine his displeasure when you get home late smelling like booze and another man. The smell of cheap cologne makes his face scrunch in disgust and out of pettiness, he decides to flop right on top of you and cover you in his scent. You just have to accept it as he nuzzles himself closer into your body.

[beyondthetemples-ooc]

I don't think I'll be able to fit this into 30 tags with 140 characters or less. <:}

tl;dr Srentha and Dove both believed they would die at 14 years old. Dove thought she'd be isolated her whole life and Srentha daydreamed about becoming a leader anyways. Leyla never really figures out What she Wants to Be and Kary actively daydreamed about never having a job.

Dove became a superhero so that didn't line up at all; Srentha does become a leader; Leyla dies young; and Kary becomes the most atypical housewife you've ever seen (and ALSO a superhero!).

So Dove is the easiest to answer, and the most interesting to me: She was raised in total isolation, mostly housebound with only her mother, her bird, and the very most OCCASIONAL meetups with Srentha for company. This was something her mother saw as necessity, given the way Dove's half-sister was treated for her heritage. (Dove's mother didn't want Dove to be subjected to the same fear and hatred and ostracization, and so she kept her at home and never told anyone else that Dove existed.)

After 14 years of a life when she believed she'd die on the day of a certain prophecy, Dove had a vision the day it was supposed to happen and realized her mother couldn't protect her from her father, and she couldn't stay after all, because he wouldn't let her die.

So she fled. She didn't die when she spent her whole life thinking she'd die. Suddenly the life that had been so finite was in upheaval, and full of unknowns and mysteries and she didn't know how to handle ANY of it.

So it's really no wonder that once she settles on Earth and it really sinks in that now she's going to live the rest of her natural life, she has no idea what to DO with it. There's a prologue in the next story I'll be starting that opens with her journal entry: she writes, "What can I ever do with my life when it wasn't a gift from the divine, but a side-effect of my mother's stolen virginity?" She just doesn't KNOW. She's aimless, she's out of her depth, she's confused.

She ends up making her home with superheroes, but at first she's steadfast in refusing to fight with them; she's just there to learn to control her dangerous powers. She was raised hardcore pacifist, and she has a panic attack the first time they try showing her what they do. So at first she's like, "I could never do that..."

But then a series of terrible events happens that ends with her having killed 5 people because she didn't control herself, and she's basically so guilt-ridden, she goes against that pacifism to become a hero in a desperate quest for redemption. It's a process, learning to overcome that fear and figure out how her telepathic powers can be useful in heroism, but she winds up doing that for the rest of her life.

It's not exactly the career she imagined for herself as a child. I mean, considering she thought she'd be dead. She never could've imagined she'd become a superhero!

--

Srentha grew up in the same pacifistic place. As the grandson of his society's High Magistrate, raised more by his grandfather than his father because his father didn't have the heart to provide for him after his mother died in childbirth, Srentha saw what went into leadership, and he built his aspirations as a child on that. Of course the prophecy affected him too; of course he'd die too young to ever become a leader. But he played at it anyways, he would pretend he was speaking to a crowd, or pretend he was racing to find the magical solution to some forecasted disaster, and he was constantly told he should stop. Why bother? Even if he WASN'T going to die so young, he was too forgetful, too spontaneous, too undisciplined to be a leader. (They didn't have ADHD diagnoses in Azarath, but he does have it, and they sure saw the symptoms in him.)

Somewhere deep down, he was saddened that he'd never have enough influence to do what he really desperately wanted to do: He just wanted to do something that would help his society someday. He wanted to contribute! He wanted to lead people, make decisions, help them have a better life!

But on the same day Dove had that vision that prompted her to flee, he saw her leaving and followed. Badly. He followed her badly. He went through the portal, but ended up somewhere different, he couldn't find her, and by the time he went back home, the desolation had already happened, and their home was no more. But he knew Dove was still out there, and spent the next 6 years trying to find her.

Once he finds her and settles in on Earth, he's even more steadfast about the pacifistic I'm-not-gonna-fight-bad-guys, actually, thing than Dove was, but he winds up being handy for crowd control and first aid for people on missions. So his career path is a little more grounded. But also he mostly doesn't figure he needs money until a couple years later.

He works at a local book store under the table for awhile, but eventually they have a child and that pay isn't enough to support her and his aspirations, so he goes into the more typical office environment.

(I haven't figured out what he does there yet, probably takes some computer training courses, learns from the people he lives with, and gets hired at an entry-level position through a staffing agency? Maybe he's an office page or secretary? He'd have to have identity papers forged, given he's not even born on Earth, but he lives with people who can do that. I do see him going to a lot of people, communicating messages, writing emails, just a lot of communications things moreso than data entry or filing. He'd have to do something he can be on his feet a lot, using his brain.)

((Especially since he has heart problems that preclude treating his ADHD with medications that would actually work for him, there's no way I can imagine him sitting at a desk all day doing data entry!))

But whatever it is, it's not permanent, and he only does that for like 5-7 years.

I hesitate to dive into details about what he ends up doing for the rest of his life because frankly I don't like the way I see people talk about it, but it involves plenty of leadership after all, training a team, networking and making connections, speaking at conferences, traveling, lots of things that he really finds his place doing.

So it's not EXACTLY what he saw himself doing as a child, but it fulfills his desires to have a positive impact on peoples' lives in a similar way!

--

Their daughter, Leyla, grew up as the daughter of a superhero and a speaker at conferences, but she didn't feel particularly drawn to either things. Her magic and psychic abilities were too weak to be much use in superheroing, and she doesn't like the crowds her father thrives in.

As a child, she imagined herself doing plenty of other things. Fashion designer, because she loves elaborating on her clothes (but then she found out how cruel the fashion industry is and lost interest). Professional gardener because she loves plants and especially flowers, but then she found out most of that is landscaping and doing physical labor. She thought she could be a freelance artist for awhile, but then she found out people would pay her to produce a product like THEY have in mind, not have ideas and do whatever she wanted.

I actually don't think she ever has a job before she dies young due to cardiac issues. She inherited her father's heart condition, but she also has it worse because her mother and father have bloodlines that are essentially NEVER supposed to mix, and the mystical forces in them weakened her body and her powers greatly. (I think she dies at age 19? I'm not 100% but I know it's before she gets a chance to establish herself as an adult With a Job^tm.)

--

Kary had the most typical childhood as we know it: she was an orphan, but she was born on Earth to human parents and went to school like most children. But she was always on the lazy side. She loved running and playing! But she HATED work. She NEVER wanted a job! She just wanted to play with her friend and take naps and pet good dogs and enjoy her time.

Due to a mixture of circumstances in the orphanage, ostracization at school, and being subjected to a ritual at age 8 that forced her to host a semi-sentient fire magic entity that grants her powers but also convinces the ladies at the Catholic orphanage that she's possessed, she runs away at age 14 and lives on the fringes of society. She's actually happiest living in the wilderness.

She meets Dove and tries the superhero thing for a little while, but although it's exhilarating and she likes having the outlet for her anger issues, she doesn't play well with the team and she doesn't really want to risk her life to save people. Especially not when the fire-magic powers don't really happen until she's REALLY in trouble.

So she becomes a vagabond again, and it's not until adulthood around age 25 that she meets the man who pursues her with enough interest and determination that she can't scare him off, and honestly his desperation to convince her to date him is cute, and they wind up getting married.

Kary doesn't want to be a housewife, really, she LIKES the outdoors and doesn't feel comfortable being tied to one place, but a series of miscarriages and health complications from the parasite already living in her not liking how many of her resources are going to this OTHER creature eventually forces her to settle down if she wants this baby to survive the pregnancy.

There are a couple times over the next decade or two when her husband's job situation isn't Great; he's a lawyer but he loses his job or the firm disbands or he doesn't win some cases for awhile, and they have their kid in an expensive private school and an expensive house and they can't afford to not have an income. So she ends up getting a GED and getting a couple of jobs. She hates them all with a passion though, and they never last more than three months.

She DOES end up volunteering for an animal shelter, but she hated when she was on payroll because the hours were GRUELING, she didn't get along with her co-workers, and waking up at 6am to be at work by 7 did NOT suit her. She wants to choose when she can tolerate being there, thank you very much.

So in a way, yes she ends up doing what she dreamed of as a child: Not having a job, working with animals, and she even has a family, which she'd stopped dreaming of when she ran away and eschewed society at age 14. She winds up a lot happier than she ever thought she'd be in that life, though.

What was your OC's dream job as a child? How much does it line up with what they're doing now?

[ma1dita]

all-access

'between certainties and doubts' installment part of the mean!remus agenda, aka a moment from a terrifyingly convoluted teenage situationship between remus lupin and an unidentified Hogwarts student (x fem!reader) wc: 1.6k a/n: remus tours you around his hometown. yes, mold is a real place. fluff and teen awkwardness, slight hint to something at the end? feel free to send requests for them

—

It turns out that Remus Lupin is a semi-decent tour guide, given the fact that there is absolutely nothing to do in the town he currently resides in. 

But he tries his best, and it seems that he’s not used to doing all the talking. Maybe he’s a bit nervous, hanging out with you alone for the first time, but he is a gentleman—presenting a fistful of wildflowers for your very unaware and very Muggle grandma who waves you off to enjoy the nice day outdoors only after she convinces him to dust the tops of the ceiling fans on your way out. Remus pulls out a chocolate frog from his personal stash and presses it into your palms, picking a cobweb out of your hair and almost (James always did call him a wuss) rests his hand on your shoulder. 

He promptly runs into the squeaky door frame instead. Your grandma tells him to oil the hinges while he’s there and you watch him with a scrunched up smile.

“I’ll be honest, a town called Mold was not one of my top travel destinations at all for this summer,” you grin when he looks at you deadpan, shoving his hands deep into his jean pockets, “or ever. But I’m excited! Do your worst, then.”

“Flintshire as a whole isn’t that bad compared to the other places I’ve lived in, I guess,” he shrugs, knocking his shoulder against yours as you make your way down the street, “but the name is quite unfortunate, huh, lovely? You get used to it. Most exciting thing about this place, really.” His voice is coated with a sort of softness that reveals itself the longer you spend time together. Perhaps he’s not used to being the center of attention, more familiar with playing support for Sirius and James’ being the main attraction of their gang. Him and Peter usually catch up where they can, in sense and snide remarks. You watch him choke on his spit as he prattles on, making comments about every establishment you pass to fill the silence, because he swears to Circe he’ll never talk to you again if you come out of this bored beyond belief.

“Often have to make my own fun around here—my dad and I are the only magic folk in town, besides, well… you. Just like me mam wanted,” he chuckles, “Gotta blend in somehow.”

“You? Blending in? With all the trouble you and your friends cause at school,” you muse, and his cheeks redden as you cross the street. Remus buys you an ice cream from the best place in town, and you find it charming how everyone seems to love him, even here—the auntie running the shop seems to have a crush on him too, you think. And then he tells you that he’s somewhat of a maths tutor on Monday evenings for her three kids. 

“She doesn’t pay me nearly enough,” he mutters into your ear, “But the kids are nice, and I get a free sweet treat for me and anyone I bring in.” The bell tinkles overhead as the door slams shut behind you, sun shining down on you two once again.

“And who else do you bring here then?” you tease. Remus’ thumb wipes a smear of rocky road ice cream from your top lip. Your eyes follow when his lips suck in the flavor without a second thought as he says with a sheepish smile, “Usually my mum.”

He takes you down towards the town center, both your arms brushing with neither of you moving away. There’s a sort of gravitational pull that comes with being near him, and you’re still trying to figure out what draws you in. He’s more lively than he usually is up at Hogwarts, though perhaps you’ve never been able to see him up close like this. A bit unguarded, and it’s obvious he’s trying to make the most of this—like he has something he wants to prove to you. That he’s worth sticking around for. 

You spend hours talking about everything and nothing—acquainting yourself with the small town of Mold, that is quite a lovely place to settle in once someone’s married with kids, you decide. Remus points out ordinary things that he makes seem remarkable—a lamp post he’d crash into when he was 14 and learning to skateboard, the steps of a church he had his first kiss on. He gives you bits and pieces of himself that you start to put together to form a picture of who he is compared to the idea of him you had in your mind—the stoic, Mr. Good Sense of the Marauders.

You think you like him a lot more when it’s just the two of you like this. The Remus at Hogwarts is nowhere near as approachable. This one holds doors open for you and lets you grab onto his arm to steady yourself over the path of rocks on the creek behind the park. He’s firm and stands tall here—freer without having to juggle being an all-star student and prankster extraordinaire.

Remus in his natural state, is just a boy who wants a girl to like him enough to stay.

“And here’s my favorite bench. I come here and um, think,” he says matter of factly, making you laugh at the absurdity of it all.

“What’s your middle name?”

His eyebrows furrow as he takes a seat, watching you drape yourself over the arm of the bench, your sneakers brushing against his thigh. Your legs are in full display, a shiny sheen from the summer sun, and he takes a deep inhale like someone who’s never seen an ankle before. He realizes you’ve asked him a question.

“Uh, John. After my grandpa.”

“Alright. Remus John Lupin, you’re telling me you come to this park to sit and think? Creep,” you snort, and he pinches your calf.

He’s realizing quickly that he really likes touching you.

“You’re making it sound like I come here to stare at children.”

“Do you? That or any pretty girls that come by—” you smirk, swatting at his hands. They’re softer than you thought they’d be, even if they’re scarred. You want to know the story behind them, want to crack him, even slowly, just to understand him better. 

“You’re the prettiest thing to grace this town for the three whole years I’ve lived here. Trust me, I would know.”

The sentence trails off as he says it, like he’s caught himself in a confession that you weren’t supposed to hear. The way you bite your lip tells him you did though.

“Come push me on the swing.”

It’s not a request—you’re up and skipping over to the rusty metal set and he follows like a dog, pushing you slowly, then with more force, “You’re not kicking, lovely girl.” The nickname makes you soar—higher than you are in the sky as you swing your feet and look down at him, hair waving in the wind.

Remus watches you with a reverence he can’t decipher himself. This is dangerous, this attachment he feels tugging at his heart as he listens to your giggles mix in with the warm evening air. 

“Wait! Slow me down!” you squeal, frantically kicking in the air and he steps out in front of the swing to catch you by the back of your knees—everything coming to a shuddering stop as the metal chains jangle discordantly, Remus’s palms stuck against your thighs. He stands between your legs now, lowering you until the swing hangs in rest, your nose brushing against his shirt.

An exchange of breaths is shared between you two—passing air in silence.

“So, what do you think?” he says suddenly. The sun is setting slowly in the distance, lavender and golden hues travelling across your skin the longer he looks at you.

“I think this town’s only nice because you’re in it.”

“Oh?” His emerald eyes gleam in the light, a touch of mischief that reminds you of who you know him to be for nine months out of the year, “I haven’t even shown you the best part yet.”

“There’s more?”

Then he’s pulling you by the hand as you both race up the hill he lives on, a rush of laughter and wind that whips through your hair and clothes. Hoisting you up by the waist so that you can latch your foot against the rain gutter, you both clamber onto the roof just as the first spatter of stars fill the night sky. The whole town is in view from his rooftop—cradled by lush greenery and there’s a bit of magic that Mold holds as you look out onto it.

“Holy shit,” you gasp for air, “everything looks pretty from up here!”

“Yeah,” he swallows, eyes tracing the profile of your face to the curve of your shoulders. 

“Think you’ve sold me on this place, Remus.”

He hums, wrapping his arms around his knees as he smiles at you playfully, “And what about me?”

“See now I see why you and your boys get along. Your ego is just as big as theirs!” you exclaim, laying back against the shingles on the roof. Arms thrown behind your head, you look something of a work of art, a marvel he feels lucky to witness. A beat of silence passes before you bite.

“Don’t tell the tour guide, but I think you’re my favorite part about Mold.”

“Oh he’ll hate hearing that,” he jokes, laughter filling the little space between you two. You stare at each other for a while, something unspoken shared in the moment, and through chapped lips, Remus speaks, a half smile on his face.

“You wanna come inside? Private tour, behind the scenes, VIP access.”

You don’t leave until morning.

—

i don't do taglists anymore! follow @ma1dita-mail & turn on post notifs 🤍

[pagesofkenna]

fantasy novel wip has officially crossed the 10k mark since i started the new draft with the new outline last month. gotten less writing done than i would have wished but when i am able to sit down to write i'm getting a lot more done than i had previously.

[pollen]

i've been diving a lot deeper into adhd symptoms and comorbidities and misdiagnoses and whenever i tell my boyfriend something i learned that sounds like me he responds with something like

[orcelito]

Wild that anytime I post an update a lot of people read it and are even excited about it and have their own thoughts and reactions to it that I'll never know.

Comments are only the very tip of the iceberg with it. And I am Very grateful to commenters for letting me in on it. But in the same way that I'll be excited with my friends when a fic we love updates, it's likely that Other people enthuse with Their friends when my fic updates. And it's just so strange. An experience I'll never have access to.

Everyone's relationship with my fic is unique. So many different people with so many different circumstances and preferences... and the number of people that have told me that my fic is one of their favorites, some even saying it's their Favorite favorite... every single one of them have their own relationship with my writing.

It's just interesting to me. I think and think and think on my writing. I have my plans for basically the entire fic, the way I want it to end already thought out, all the major plot beats and the relationship progressions, All of that thought out. I love my writing so very much, but I'm on the inside looking out. This is my mechanical horse, and I'm in here laying out the groundwork and pulling levers and constructing limbs, puttering away making the horse move. Forever and always, my relationship with it will be more intimate than anyone's, and yet more clinical. Because I know it better than the back of my own hand, but I'll never have the experience of reading it fresh. Of reading it without knowing everything that's going to happen from now to the end and beyond. I won't have the thrill of the plot twists I have planned, the delight at seeing things progress, the horror at seeing things go wrong...

This is my mechanical horse, and I'm making it move.

I just always wonder what it must be like to see it from the outside. I hope to others that it's a pretty horse.

[toxifoxx]

[designernishiki]

You asked for a fic rec so I’ll toss this one at ya: https://archiveofourown.org/works/46767358?view_full_work=true Stick through the formatting for the characterization, tone, and really the whole vibe of this fic. I haven’t been able to get the bathroom call between Daigo and Majima out of my head for weeks since I read it with how naturally it all flows. My own little Daigo characterization booklet to review when I feel like I need a refresher on him.

so I may have stayed up until 6am reading this (would’ve slept earlier but I couldn’t stop reading it) and hgggahaghhhhaggahshhhhhhhh that was one of the most well-characterized fics I’ve ever read what the fuck. like the differences in how each character speaks (both tone-wise and in differing levels of authenticity) and how they speak to specific others (the daigo and majima dyanmic specifically- how they actually take into account how long they’ve been working really closely- SO good), the mental anguish and chaos vs the overwhelming emptiness of being daigo dojima but no longer The 6th Chairman Daigo Dojima……….I could keep going but I think you get it.

tbh I’d been wanting to write something exploring a similar set of dynamics/situation (post-kiryu’s fake death, interactions with haruka, daigo, and/or majima specifically, reflecting on his shortcomings while acknowledging the heavy Grief left behind) but now I’m like. well I still could but this was so well written in regards to daigo and haruka that, as far as something between those two goes, I don’t feel the need to.

thanks for the recommendation! my brain is broken now (affectionate)

[monster-noises]

I am experiencing... frustration.

[collegeoflore]

:))) ieriyn having a normal one

[malachitezmeyka]

Idk why I thought the new year would suddenly bring immense change to me as a person, it was such a childish belief, I can’t believe I let myself fall for it. The years go by but I remain the messed up anxious wreck who starts crying the second she’s left alone with her thoughts. The new year won’t change anything, nothing will

[gaysindistress]

Things that I feel like would happen when you’re in a relationship with Simon Riley.

Simon Riley masterlist

1. First off he hates the word ‘boyfriend’.

Maybe it’s because he’s in his mid thirties or something but he can’t stand being called your boyfriend. He’s more than that but also not at the same time. You live together, have access to each other’s bank accounts (which is only because he hates it when you try to fight him about him giving you money), and you’re each others emergency contact. He thinks of himself as your husband. The man wears a silicone ring when he’s home and a necklace with the ring that’s totally not a wedding band when he’s working. Price has seen the chain once or twice and smirks, shooting him a knowing look but never says a word.

Simon cannot stand it when people get nosy and want to know what your relationship status is. You’re together and that’s all that matters. No one needs to know that you’re the beneficiary of his will and life insurance policy or that he’s put you on all of his accounts. No one needs to know that he buys you anything you want but has only ever bought you two rings; a thin gold band with a flower engraved on it and its twin a matching emerald ring. No one needs to know that when he gifted them to you, there were tears and promises of safety, love, and happiness whispered against feverish skin. No one needs to know that he has your name woven into his chest tattoo.

No one needs to know any of that because your relationship is between him and you only.

2. You are not some submissive little house wife. You are a strong independent woman and he prefers it that way.

I know this one goes against what most people say but hear me out on this. Simon has been independent since birth practically. He’s only had himself to count on for years. Even in the military, he’s only been able to rely himself. Sure the others watch out for him but if it came down to it, he’s the only one who’s going to get himself out alive.

The thought of someone else relying on him in that way is terrifying. He can’t even fathom what it would be like to look at another person and fully trust them in that way. Half the time he feels like he can’t even be trusted to take care of himself let alone another human. In theory a sweet docile housewife is great with the meals and clean house but not for him. He needs to know that you can hold your own. He needs to know that you can be independent and carry on without him if something happened while he was working. He needs to know that you will be okay if he doesn’t come back.

You have to be okay without him no matter how much it pains him to think about it.

Like I said before, he’s made you the beneficiary of everything so he knows you’ll be set financially but that’s not enough. He’s made Price promise to keep an eye out for you. He’s made you promise to let Price do that and you agreed because it’s Simon who’s asking but you’d tell anyone else to fuck off.

In addition to all of that, he’s installed the best security system the government has to offer in your house. You have a very expensive and large safe in your shared closet that he’s instructed you to only open if you feel unsafe. While you might not like it, you agree to go shooting with him so he can sleep at night knowing that you could protect yourself if he’s not home. He’s gone as far as to make sure you have all of the licenses and certificates that are needed to legally own firearms in the UK.

He’s not leaving any opportunity for you to be vulnerable or have your ‘safety checks’, as he calls them, taken away.

3. Simon Riley is a godless man…until he meets you.

Now this is entirely my own headcannon with no evidence to support it so bear with me.

Simon had a shitty childhood where his mom would pray to a god who never listened and his dad would shout verses at him when he was drunk. God was a mythical figure that he was told stories off with nothing to show for it. He did believe at one point but then his dad never got better, his mom wore bruises of every shade, and his brother found comfort in drugs.

He found himself praying when he was being tortured by the Mexican cartel. Between the flashbacks of his abusive past, he prayed to a god who had failed him so many times before to help him. He prayed again as he dug himself out of that Texas grave with the major’s jaw bone. He wailed his prayers when he found his family executed after Sparks tried to kill him.

After that he deemed himself a Godless man. Years of praying had passed with nothing. This god had decided that Simon was not worthy of a miracle so why would he continue to worship him?

That was until he met you. He finds himself praying before every mission, every time he has to leave you, every time he’s on his way home, and just about any other time he thinks of you. He doesn’t know what exactly he’s praying for other than for you to be there when he gets back.

He whispers his prayers to an absent god against your skin as he worships your body, soul, and heart. He promises to be devoted to you until his last breath and vows to find you again in whatever afterlife awaits you. He pledges to find solace in you and only you when his haunting nightmares return. He makes an oath to your heart that it will never weather another storm alone again for his will take whatever beating that comes your way. He shows you that he will love you in the same manner as a Hozier song; putting you above all else because you have become his religion, his faith, his beliefs, his life.

You have become all that he is and he thanks the god he once believed in for you. He prays again but to you, his heart, his love, and his beacon through the enteral storm of life.

[jaydenism]

I would love to see what your hypothetical Kanade crash out would look like ngl (you don't need to draw for this if you don't want to a text explanation would still be awesome)

ok soooo this isn't exactly the crashout but rather building up to it i guess :P

the rest of this post is gonna be rambling and predictions ⬇️

alright this ask enabled me, im gonna just dump all my thoughts as of now on what's to come for kanade's story :) i could end up being completely wrong, but hey im just theorizing and having fun here while i wait very impatiently lol

To start, I don't think kana5 will be on the scale of mizu5 (i mean i might be biased but idk if anything will come close to that level of insanity again), mainly because there hasn't been as much build-up to a breaking point. Kanade's issues have been pushed aside (by herself especially) and not heavily focused on up to this point in the story. There hasn't been any increasing tension for things to reach a climax yet. Having her big break be in this next event would be too sudden and sort of unprecedented. For this event at least, I highly doubt that'll be the case. Instead, I think this event will start to touch on Kanade's buried issues more, and begin building that tension for something bigger. I can see this being a multiple event arc, similar to the events leading up to the climax of Mafuyu's story. Summarizing that, yes I think Kanade's got some real tough shit ahead of her, but that's why this won't be a one-off event story. I think it'll just be the beginning.

That being said, to touch more on my predictions for kana5 itself, I think Kanade will start to slip, and the others, Mafuyu especially, will take notice. I can't really predict anything specific, but I think something will happen that will make her question her ability to save people, or cause her to be harder on herself, as she has in the past, to keep composing persistently, neglecting her own needs and health. However, things are different now than they were before niigo. She has more people around her that will be able to see the damage she's doing to herself. But she also knows they all look up to her, and that her music lifts them up. She knows they all have a lot they're dealing with, and she needs to be there for them. She can't let them down.

Then, when Kanade pushes herself past her limits at the cost of her well-being, what will she do then? She meets with the others on nightcord every night, and Mafuyu is living at her place. She won't be able to rot away by herself anymore without people noticing. But she still feels this need to be the group's rock and to be the one to save everyone, so she'll try her damn hardest to prevent the others from worrying about her. She'll shoot down their attempts at trying to talk about it. I think she might be especially stubborn this time around, and it might cause niigo to have to figure out a way to help Kanade, since they won't be able to get through to her at first.

Kanade has shown in the past to get uncharacteristically aggressive when she's pushing herself too hard, as shown above. She starts to take on everything herself, and snaps at anyone who tries to stop her. I think this side of her will be shown more going forward, as she begins to go down this kind of self-destructive path yet again. At least, that's where I think her story will go. Her tendency to work herself to the bone hasn't really been resolved, and she's gone so far with it before to end up in the hospital after passing out. She doesn't care what happens to her, as long as she can save people. The only reason she has ((slightly)) gotten better at taking care of herself is so that she can be able to keep composing without ending up in the hospital again. Not because she cares about her health. Because she must keep composing. She still only does the bare minimum for herself. If it's her cooking, she's only having instant ramen, and most days she's probably not going to see the sun. She still doesn't sleep much, and Mafuyu has said that she's often falling asleep at her computer.

This might be getting a little rambley atp, but my point is that Kanade neglects her own needs in her determination to save others. I mentioned how she neglects her physical health in the last paragraph, but she also neglects her own feelings as well.

She minimizes her own problems or just doesn't even talk about them. I think she truly believes that her problems don't matter, that they only distract her from her goals. The reason she doesn't open up is likely because she herself doesn't believe her feelings are important at all. She doesn't pay them any mind, and she doesn't want anyone else to either.

Of course, I have to bring this card up. I think this is just a perfect visual representation of Kanade's feelings, and it's great foreshadowing for what's to come. Those feelings are buried deep within Kanade, yet to be addressed or solved. THIS is what we're getting into. Kanade, depicted as an angel, surrounded by death. I think this is related to her guilt surrounding what happened to her father, believing it was her fault. That she destroyed everything. But because of that incident, she told herself she has to keep composing, and never stop, in order to save people. She feels like she owes that much, and that that's her sole purpose. She won't allow herself to think otherwise. No matter how much it destroys her, she must be a savior for others.

Last thing I wanted to add, because I saw this reblog under a prev kanade analysis post, and they brought up great points. Especially how dangerous Kanade's composing grind can get. We wouldn't even have a story if Honami hadn't found Kanade unconscious!!! I think she might get to a really low point again like this, but having Mafuyu there especially, it won't be able to go unnoticed. I don't have much else to add to those tags though cus they speak for themselves 🙏

Finally, just real quickly going back to the little comic I drew, this is just a rough idea of how I think Kanade could act. She'll get noticeably worse, but will try to hide that fact from the others and deny any help from them. I also mentioned that I think we could see more aggression from her again, so I included that, as she feels threatened in a way by Mafuyu worrying about her. She can't let that happen. Also, Kanade's impending doom aside, I think this progression in the story may also spark some change in Mafuyu. She might show some more emotion in this or future events, and she may realize how much Kanade means to her, motivating her to do more for her. I think it'll be a full group effort to save Kanade, but I wanna see Mafuyu taking a bigger role in this. I just think this also has the potential to grow Mafuyu's character more.

Also, as for the Kanade crashout, I really don't know how they'll handle that. I can't really predict what they're gonna do with her climax. But I want her screaming yelling and crying !!! like she better go insaneeee 🙏 and I also feel like they have a lot of potential with her seiyuu/VA and stepping out of the soft quiet voice to do some crazy shit, maybe in the songs too pls pls pls give us loud kanadeeee

OKAY THATS ENOUGH YAPPING its 5 am i havent slept....

[un-fwuit-un-fwog]

First Choice

Synopsis: The Prefect has to choose a dorm to move into, and they immediately think of Leona.

TW: it's relatively vague, but it's mentioned that The Prefect was uncomfortable with the thought of staying in other dorms for reasons you would imagine a woman wouldn't want to stay in a space with all men (specifically, she's overheard jokes, and noticed looks that made her uncomfortable (I try to keep it vague though))

Fem! Reader x Leona

You sat in Crowley's office with your arms crossed and a tired expression on your face. You had walked back to Ramshackle after another long day of classes and mayhem just to find the roof had caved in.

Crowley sat in silent contemplation as if he were actually mulling over the issue like someone who actually cared before snapping his fingers with a triumphant smile on his face: "Because I am so kind, I shall allow you the opportunity to choose one of the 7 dorms to move into!"

Your face remained blank. It's not that you disliked the idea of being able to sleep in a building that you didn't have to worry about leaks, mold, collapses, and cave ins, but you weren't too fond of the idea of having to live with a bunch of men.

You mulled over your options for a moment before sighing and pulling out your phone. Crowley looked at you quizzically. "I wanna make sure it's okay with him first" you mumble under your breath.

Moments later, you get a text from Leona: "Whatever."

You figured that would be as close to a yes as you could get, so you relayed the information to Crowley.

Just then, another buzz of your phone came: "Don't bring the d*mn cat."

Well, that complicated things. You weren't too fond of the idea of leaving Grim behind. Crowley, on the other hand, thought it was a glorious idea. He'd send Grim off to Heartslabyul (without consulting with Riddle first, of course). Surely, some time in the strictest dorm would do the little critter some good.

Before either of you could protest, he was already out the door holding grim by the collar.

When you arrived at Savanaclaw, it was already late. Ruggie greeted you with a snicker and tossed you a basket of laundry to bring up to Leona's room.

"Can't have ya freeloading" was the hyena's excuse.

"Delivery." A yawn slipped from your mouth as you dropped the basket of laundry just inside the door.

A rustling came from the bed before moments later a grumpy lion finally lifted his head to look at you. "The h*ll are you doing here?"

". . .You said I could stay, remember?"

Leona's tail flicks back and forth a few times before he flops back down. "Was half expecting ya to choose a different dorm instead."

With a hum, you closed his door and picked the basket back up to set it next to his closet. "Now, why would I do that?"

You heard a scoff come from Leona "In case ya haven't noticed, Savanaclaw isn't exactly a prissy little proper dorm with a-"

You cut your upper classman off by throwing a pillow at his face.

"Oops, my hand slipped" you hum as you set the laundry basket down again.

Leona growls, but he doesn't move. If anyone else were to throw a pillow at him, he'd likely rip their throat out, but with you, he didn't have that compulsion. "The h*ll was that for?"

"Is that really what you think I'd be looking for in a dorm I'll have to move into?" As you speak, you casually sit on the edge of his bed so you can meet his eyes and give him a 'really?' look.

"Yes." His response is blunt and to the point.

A sigh slips from your lips as you stand up "Seriously?"

"Well what else would you be looking for?" He scoffs with a roll of his eyes "And which of those criteria would you find in this dorm?"

"You're here." You reply without having to think and as if the answer is obvious.

In response, Leona just stares at you disbelievingly.

"I'm serious. The moment Crowley said I had to move into a dorm, this was the first one I thought of, and because of you."

He remains silent, his expression only becoming more skeptical. Don't get him wrong, when you said he was your first thought, your first choice, it made something tighten in his chest. However, anyone can lie, and your current sentiment sounds completely improbable to him.

Another exasperated sigh leaves your mouth before you motion for him to scoot over.

Surprisingly, he complies and gives you space to sit crisscross next to him. "I'm the only girl in this school."

"Obviously." You give him a quick warning glare at his snarky comment, and he raises his hands.

"As I was saying, I'm the only girl in this school. I'm not saying I particularly distrust the other students here, but that doesn't change the fact that I constantly find myself in settings here that make me feel unsafe."

Leona's once swishing tail stills, but his expression remains neutral.

"Sure, I have friends in other dorms, but, for one reason or another, I never feel fully at ease in those spaces."

"And you do here?"

"Yes."

The room falls silent for a moment before you continue: "I can't fully explain it, but. . .I said that the reason I chose to come to Savanaclaw was because you're here. That matters because. . .I feel safe around you."

Leona scoffs before he can stop himself. "I tried to kill you."

"Yes, but I've never worried that you'd do worse."

Leona's eyes widen a fraction at the statement. He debates asking for a moment, but eventually decides to: "And you have about others?"

Silence falls once more, but this time it feels much heavier.

"Some of it is just a lack of knowing,. . .but sometimes I hear people make unsavory jokes. . .and sometimes I catch a glint in people's eyes that I'm not sure I want to know the thoughts behind."

Before the atmosphere can get too awkward, you clap your hands together, "That or sometimes I just feel like people don't know how to treat me because I'm a girl." you add, trying to lighten the mood.

"But I've never felt that way with you. You respect my space and my boundaries but still treat me like a normal person."

Deciding it's probably best not to talk about the previous subject too much as you seem uncomfortable with it (not that he's going to forget it though), he follows along with the topic shift. "Nobody else in any other dorm does that?" he scoffs "It's the bare minimum, nothin' special." His words don't come off as being said in a way to subtly tell you to pick a different dorm to stay in, that he doesn't want you here, but rather as genuinely curious and with a barely noticeable undertone that way maybe. . .threatening?

"It's not that nobody else does. . .it's hard to explain. You not only treat me with respect, but by doing so, you encourage others around you to do the same. Last time I stayed here, you always seemed to be there to step in if anyone crossed any boundaries or said anything that made me uncomfortable. When I returned to your room looking even slightly uncomfortable, you'd notice and take me seriously when I had a concern instead of brushing it off."

Noticing you had just rambled off praise, you quickly add "And you're a dorm leader, so staying in your room would surely deter anyone from trying anything! Cause you're big and scary. . .haha."

Leona is eerily silent for a while before he huffs and lets a grin creep onto his face. "I didn't know you thought so highly of me, Herbivore."

You roll your eyes and lightly punch his arm, grateful for how he lightened the mood.

"Well, I could easily give the same praise to plenty of other people, some of whom are even dorm leaders." you scoff playfully. "I genuinely don't know why it's just you that makes me so comfortable."

"Maybe ya have a thing for me." the lion jokes.

Normally, you'd be put off by such a comment, but coming from Leona, you can tell it has nothing nasty or creepy behind it.

"As if!" You try your best to sound firm and to match his sarcasm, but a light blush creeps to your face.

Leona originally wasn't going to push the matter, but seeing your positive reaction, he continues, "Oh? I seem to recall you mentioning that I was your first choice though."

"You know I didn't mean it like that!" you hiss, irritated by the smirk on his face.

You move to get up, but before you do, Leona lightly stops you. "What are you-"

He cuts you off by resting his chin on your shoulder from behind and lifting his phone into the air. You catch on to what he's doing, and decide to just go along with it. . .but not without getting him back for a bit of his earlier teasing.

You lift one hand to cradle his cheek that isn't pressed against your neck and give your best smile. If Leona is phased by the action, he doesn't show it as he quickly clicks the picture and posts it on his virtually dead magicam account, making sure to tag the other dorm leaders in the post.

"You're a jerk" you sigh, watching him hit post.

You leave the room a bit later to take a shower in the bathroom attached to his room, and only then does he allow the faintest of blushes to creep onto his face.

Partially because of you holding his face, partially because of your praise, but mostly because of something you said much earlier.

He was your first thought. He was your first choice.

Leona was never first.

You had 7 dorms to choose from and you chose his arguably unappealing one where it was always humid and full of sweaty guys roughhousing.

It wasn't that you thought of the dorm first, you thought of him. He was your first choice. He is your first choice.

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