#because i've noticed i have to start adding tags here too and stop being an animal

[ratsandlove]

Meet the Dudes

[giddyfatherchris]

a movie i've seen before II

pairing. bang chan x f!reader

type. angst (-y ish), not requested

warnings. f!reader, none

word count. 3k

a/n. part two is here! again, i am so excited to be posting this series and so grateful for the lovin you guys have been giving it <3 hope you will enjoy mwah xxx

do not forget to tell me if you wish to be added to the tag list for this series :)

part I

The next day was a recording and producing day, one of your favorites. You loved being in the studio with the boys. It was fascinating to see how their minds worked and created such extraordinary pieces of music. Despite the previous night and the disappointment it brought you, you were determined to have a good day, and push aside any personal feelings you might have. "Hi guys," you said as you entered the small room with full hands.

"You brought us coffee!" exclaimed Changbin as he scurried over for his usual. You smiled at the muscular boy and greeted Hyunjin, Han, and Seungmin already ready to work on a song.

As you sat on the couch next to Felix, you handed him his cup of coffee with a smile. He returned a thankful one before he sipped, extracting a sigh of delight from his lips. "How are you feeling today?" The question seemed innocent, but you could decipher in his eyes the ounce of worry.

"Good. I've decided to move on, and put my personal feelings aside," you whispered, making sure no one else heard you. Felix gave you a little nod of agreement, proud of you for taking this step.

The recording finally started and it was only 45 minutes later that Chan appeared clad in his usual baggy black attire, his natural curls peeking out from his hat. You pushed down the little butterflies taking flight in your stomach with a steadying breath and focused on your computer.

"Hi guys," he joyfully greeted everyone. He quickly checked on the members to monitor where they were, but when he noticed you, a sweet smile spread on his lips. "Hey, didn't see you there."

"Hi," you quickly responded, trying to keep your interactions at a minimum.

He stalked closer to you, noticing the empty coffee trays and the cups everyone had in their hands. "No coffee for me?" he pouted.

"I knew you'd be here late because of the time you finished last night, so your coffee would have been cold." He seemed to notice the curtness of your interaction and started to turn away, that horrible pout still on his plump lips. You rolled your eyes at his childish display and hated yourself for the words about to leave your lips. "But, I did get you a breakfast burrito. I knew you probably wouldn't take time to eat."

You extended the food in his direction, rolling your eyes as you saw the excited grin on his face. He wiggled in your direction, grabbed the roll, but held onto your hands with his eyes deep set on your own.

"You're truly the best."

You nodded with a tight smile, praying he'd stop holding your hands and looking at you like that. He went to his chair but kept glancing at you with a satisfied smile as he ate breakfast.

You glanced sideways at Felix, who was already staring at you and Chan with a shocked expression. He lifted his brows as he looked at you, and you sighed.

This was going to be harder than you thought.

For the rest of the day, Chan's behavior was insufferable. He was only being his usual caring, nice, and funny self, but since your goal was to stop wanting to barf butterflies whenever you saw him, any interaction felt like a jab to the throat. It didn't help that he seemed determined to get you to forgive him for missing out on last night. You waited with anticipation for the day to be over. All you needed was to go home and take a well-deserved break from Chan's intoxicating personality.

Once done, you headed out of the building with Felix while updating him on the situation.

"Yeah, I noticed it too. I think he feels really bad. You are one of his best friends."

"Aouch," you winced.

"Sorry," he muttered with an apologetic shrug of his shoulders.

"It's okay. I know you're right. He's not doing anything special. It's just that when I'm trying so hard not to harbor certain feelings towards him, it makes it harder."

"I imagine, and... I might have told him last night that he messed up. So I'm guessing that's not helping either." He reluctantly admitted.

"Felix! Why did you say that?? Of course, he's now ten times worse."

"I'm sorry!" squealed your friend as you chased him down the building. You made it out on the street, still trying to hit him, when a familiar voice said: "What did he do again?"

You both turned to face Chan waiting with the other boys before heading home. You dismissed his worries quickly and gave Felix a look of warning.

"Alright then, I'll head home. Have a good night, guys." You waved goodbye and turned away from them when Chan trotted to you.

"I'll walk with you."

You gave Felix a panicked stare as he was whisked away by the others.

"That's not necessary Chan."

"No worries, I have an errand to run in the neighborhood." He explained with that beautiful smile of his.

Unable to find a proper excuse to refuse his proposal, you started walking home together. You talked about work, music, past travels, about anything really. It had been a long time since you had such a fluid and captivating conversation with someone. You both were two long-date subscribers to the 'overthinking club' so it felt nice to chat with someone who also had a never-ending stream of things to say or question. Once you arrived at your building, you felt a pang of disappointment as you caught yourself wishing to have more time together.

"Well, this is me." You stood there awkwardly, not quite sure how to end this, but after a few seconds in silence, he looked at you with uncertainty. "Do you have anything planned tonight?"

"You mean apart from watching a Netflix series?" You chuckled. "Nope."

He looked around, hands in his pocket before suggesting with a little smirk. "Wanna come with me to the store?"

And even though your preservation instinct screamed at you not to, you said yes.

The errand went well and you decided to stop at a corner shop to get some food. It was so easy to spend time with him. He kept making little jokes, and there were never dull or awkward moments of silence. He walked you home for the second time and even went up in the building, saying it was his responsibility to bring you home the proper way. He waved you off before you closed and slid down the heavy door to silently scream.

You checked your phone to see the eight notifications from Felix demanding updates. I'm in deep shit. Was all you texted back.

When Chan returned to the dorms, a small smile still on his lips, he didn't expect his Aussie brother to wait for him in the common room.

"Your errand ran long?" cautiously asked Felix.

Dropping his bag on the ground Chan answered, "No, I walked her back. Then she came with me to the store and we decided to get something to eat. It was great; we talked a lot about the coming Paris trip. I told her about my favorite spots and we'll try to visit them while we're there."

"Wow, you must really feel bad for missing her night, uh?"

Chan froze and looked warily at his friend. "I do, but I also happen to just really enjoy her company." He was a little insulted by the insinuation that he would only do this out of guilt.

"You enjoy her company?" kept questioning Felix.

"Yes? Don't you?"

He stepped closer to him, there was something in his demeanor that Chan could not pinpoint, but made him uncomfortable. "Of course, she's my best friend, but that's all she is to me. Is that all she is for you too?"

"I- you know I don't have the time for this, as amazing as she is..."

"Then stop what you're doing." Felix's voice was harsh. "Stop what you're doing Chan. You're only going to hurt her. Don't tell me you can't see it."

With a dumbfounded expression, the leader looked at his member with furrowed eyebrows. "See what?"

"You know."

"I-"

"Chan stop. You're being mean."

"Do you seriously think she likes me?"

Felix hesitated before answering. Teared apart between wanting to respect your privacy, and wanting to protect you in any way he could.

"I don't know. I'm just saying be careful. If you know you can't give that kind of relationship to someone, don't toy with their feelings."

And just like the previous night, Felix disappeared, not without giving his older brother a look of warning. He had to get away before he kept blurting shit out and made you truly hate him. Chan watched him leave the room, questioning and rethinking every little interaction you had that day.

The following days were spent in a haze for him. Every time he saw you, he started analyzing your behavior, trying to find out if maybe there was something more for you. But it was hard to say when you were being so bubbly and affectionate with all of them. Oddly, he noticed you seemed to keep a bit more distance with him. It gave him a strange feeling, not because he thought it was weird you might have feelings for him, but because he hated not getting hugged by you, not having you bringing him little surprises as you did for the others. A feeling was settling down in the man's chest, one quite foreign to him: jealousy.

Not a week later you were all heading out for the Paris trip. The energy was at an all-time high as you made sure the boys were getting settled. You had just sat down on the plane when Chan plopped in the seat beside you with a big smile. You looked at him with a tense one, "I think Lix was supposed to sit next to me, we wanted to watch a movie."

The oldest member, without losing a second leveled you a knowing stare, never breaking his own smile. "Oh yeah, he asked me just before to switch seats. He wanted to sit next to Jeongin."

You looked at your best friend who was shooting you an apologetic look. You didn't know how much of it was true, but you would need to have a chat with that little traitor. You schooled your annoyed expression in a tight smile and took a calming breath.

Alright, so it would be Chan for a few hours.

You were flying to Paris because the boys had been invited to perform at a prestigious gala. You were incredibly excited, especially since you couldn't wait to see the famous city. Despite your worries, you spent the flight chatting with Chan about their schedule for this trip and when they would have the chance to play tourists and explore the city to their heart's will. Smoothly, the conversation evolved and he ended up showing you thousands of videos of Berry from home and even rested his head on your shoulder when he fell asleep during the movie you started together. You couldn't help, but make sure he was comfortable. You almost smacked yourself when you realized you had been looking at him like a fool. You shook your head and focused on the movie while telling yourself this was only normal behavior for Chan. He would have done this with any of the members. You were nothing special to him. After a while, you felt him reposition his head comfortably before he asked what he had missed. You thought he might sit back up, but he stayed right where he was. As comfortable as it was, this was so dangerous for your heart. You tried mentally burning the butterflies in your stomach for the rest of the flight.

You landed a few hours later and headed for the prestigious hotel you would be staying at. As fun as this trip was, it also meant you would need to be on top of things for its duration. You were responsible for the boys. Making sure they would get where they needed to be and were in tip-top shape to perform once the time came. You were also their translator since you spoke French. Easily, you fell into your rhythm of assistant manager. Which coincidentally helped you forget about the handsome boy walking next to you.

Once they were all settled in their rooms you breathed a little easier. One of the most stressful parts was done. Now, would be the time for organization, tomorrow would be rehearsals then free time for them in the evening. The next would be the actual gala, which would mean getting up very early, getting ready all day, performing on the night, and enjoying the after-parties. That would be the most draining day for you. Still, you couldn't help, but be excited at the prospect of the following days. You loved the adrenaline, you loved seeing the boys perform, and you loved to know in some way you were a part of their success.

For your first night you all decided to eat out as Felix and Hyunjin insisted on bringing you to a certain restaurant they peeked at earlier. You ended up eating delicious French cuisine until you were so full the walk home felt like a sports event. Unsurprisingly the boys collectively headed for their respective rooms as soon as they got to the hotel. The perspective of staying up a minute longer felt like torture, and they did need the rest you reasoned as you lightly pushed Changbin in his room. As for yourself, you took the time to answer a few emails and make sure the itinerary for the following days accounted for each possible scenario. Satisfied with yourself, and not feeling a tad bit tired, you decided to go on a little stroll around the luxurious hotel to end up sitting down by the pool your feet dangling in the warm water. The night was silent and there wasn't a single soul around. You breathed gratefully the French air, once again struggling to grasp the reality of where you were.

You were caught up in your thoughts when the sound of the pool's gate made you jump. Hands clutching your chest you looked at a startled Chan.

"Sorry! It's only me." He joined you by the poolside quickly dipping his legs in the water next to you with a satisfied groan.

"You're supposed to rest Chan." You lightly scolded him. Lord knows he was one of the boys who needed the most rest, although he was the one it eluded the most.

"I know, but I can't. I keep thinking about tomorrow. Everything needs to be perfect."

You sighed and looked at the ripples your soft movements created in the clear water. "Everything will be perfect. You focus on yourself, and make sure you are rested and having fun on that stage. Everything else is handled. I made sure any possible outcome has been covered. Nothing bad can happen."

He turned to look at you with a soft smile. "I know that we are in really good hands. We're really lucky to have you."

"Kiss ass," you muttered with a chuckle. You tried playing it down, but each word leaving his lips made a satisfied warmth spread in your cheeks.

"Hey, I'm serious!" he nudged your shoulder with his, attempting to make you smile again. He always wanted you to smile.

His words truly made you appreciated, but somehow your happiness couldn't be complete as a small voice in the back of your mind reminded you you were nothing special and he was probably saying all those things out of guilt. "You know you don't have to be this nice to me just because you missed my celebration night. It's okay Chan, I know you were suddenly inspired and needed to work on it. It's okay." All warmth disappeared from your cheeks as you once again focused on the water.

He looked at you with his mouth open. Your sudden declaration seemed to surprise him before it turned into something sour in his eyes. You didn't know it, but it reminded him horribly of what Felix had said.

"Y/n, I would never be nice to you just because I feel guilty. I do feel incredibly stupid for missing your big night and I will never apologize enough about it. But, I'm nice and like being nice to you because you are an amazing person who works very hard for us and who I admire a lot."

You kept staring silently at the water, unable to answer.

"And about your night that I missed because I am a horrible person. I want to make up for it by inviting you out tomorrow night with me. We can go eat in a good restaurant and I'll show you those spots I told you about." He looked at you as he talked, but you couldn't find it in yourself to do it in return. "And I am NOT doing this out of guilt. You deserve to be celebrated every day, and this is my way to make up for it. I would have loved to do this with you anyway, okay?"

"You have rehearsals all day tomorrow, you will need your rest," you muttered.

"Oh come on Y/n, everybody knows I’m a night owl anyway. And I promise we’ll come back early." He added with a little army salute.

You reflected on his proposition, torned between wanting to scream yes or refuse in order to protect your heart.

He searched for your gaze, softly calling your name until you couldn't keep a serious expression anymore and giggled.

"So, is that a yes?"

Your eyes met his shining ones with a smile. "Yes."

He clapped satisfied, and got up, lending you his hand. "Ready to get some rest now?"

You nodded and grabbed his strong hand. He took his time before releasing yours to open the gate and even then you felt the shadow of it on the small of your back.

Maybe this was a bad idea but in what other instance would you get the chance to spend precious time like this with this man you liked so much in one of the most beautiful cities in the world? So, even if this was going to break you, you decided you deserved to at least taste paradise once.

🏷️ list : @lovesunshinefelix @luvstaymin @jupire @nebugalaxy @drewsandsebastianswife @httpdwaekki

[kaurwreck]

hi! i really want to tell you that i love love love your blog. i feel so much joy when i see you've made a long post with your thoughts. i admire the way you engage with things you enjoy! you've genuinely inspired me to get back into reading. i've been struggling with migraines and after some time i started associating reading with suffering. i stumbled upon your blog because of bsd, and i got so fascinated with the way you communicate with the source material that i had a childlike realization: i want to have that too! and i picked up akutagawa, and i'm enjoying myself so much. i'm never not thinking about the post where you said that the trick to being clever is to stop obsessing over being right. life-changing, really. sending you so so so much love! p.s. as a russian-speaker it's a delight reading your thoughts on dostoevsky, especially seeing you use diminutives, for some reason. in russian slang we sometimes say, "ты так чувствуешь!" ("you are really feeling!") meaning "you really get it on an emotional level!" and that's what i think every time i read your thoughts on dostoevsky.

I hesitated to answer this ask because I wanted to covet it and hoard it and keep it tucked away where I could revisit it to my greedy heart's content without anyone noticing, but I'd rather you know that this ask was so delightful to receive and absolutely melted me in the best way, so I'm publishing it even though that means submitting to the mortifying ordeal of creating a tag so that I can more easily return to your kind words, and perhaps other, similar asks and posts that are emotional balms.

Also, I am so sorry, I'm sleep-deprived and I was so excited and charmed and delighted by your ask that I lost my mind and wrote you a veritable novel in response. Thus, I've added a readmore and headings (because WOW, I went on tangents, sorry!)

Returning to Reading

I'm so sorry you have migraines; I don't get them often, but I do occasionally get them, and it's some of the worst, least tolerable pain I've ever experienced. So, whatever it's worth, you have my sympathy and admiration, especially since returning to reading when you experience frequent migraines implicates some common triggers. (Never mind how annoying I know it is when you're in too much pain to read as a distraction either.) But I'm delighted you're reframing your relationship with reading separate from suffering, and that you're enjoying the process! I'm also returning to reading, and while I don't have the same challenges, I am also engaging in a process of relearning and recontextualizing reading for myself, so I'm always here to chat about it.

I'm especially thrilled that you picked up Akutagawa; Akutagawa is the author who also coaxed me back into reading literature (as opposed to comics or webnovels). He might still be my favorite even now that I've read several, several other modern Japanese authors.

Akutagawa Adoration Hours

[I apologize; I hyperfocused and wrote an entire multi-paragraph essay on how much I love Akutagawa below... I promise I come back to your ask!]

Akutagawa's literary voice is just so vivid, sharp, and intentional. He compels you to cling to the weight of each word with rich, clever language that cuts to the hearts of matters frankly, bluntly, and sometimes scathingly. But even when his authorial voice is ostensibly irreverent or lacquered with detachment, he cradles his most foolish characters, bundling them with naked affection for their sincerity, vulnerability, and childish conviction. They embody his unadulterated faith, and he reserves for them in the implication the same salvation he's convinced he's too sullied by shame, terror, and self-consciousness to deserve. Akutagawa does not squander the gravity of your attention, and even in brief vignettes in which humans become lice or have had their personhood severed from them by the untenable yet escalating demands of their responsibilities to others, there's humanity in his horror and absurdity, and closure in his ambiguity. I rarely feel as if there's certainty in Akutagawa's narratives, but neither do I feel as if nothing that occurred mattered.

Even when nothing has objectively changed for the characters, Akutagawa sources meaning from the subjective perceptions of the characters, the impact of which is rarely diminished by the objective or observable. Thus, the bleakness, horror, and absurdity of the characters' circumstances are sometimes interminable, but they shelter Akutagawa's fondness and latent certainty that existential meaning is inherent to humanity because of, rather than despite, our fragility, foolishness, and callous disregard for measurable truth.

His contemporaries criticized him for the detachment and perceived stagnancy lent by his polish and technical brilliance, but I've never read any of his stories and not felt an earnestness that persists entirely apart from the explicit narrative, as if someone is reading over my shoulder and murmuring "isn't she brave?" whenever a character is so simple in their sincerity that they become vulnerable to humiliation and abuse. And that's not detachment; that's Akutagawa relentlessly writing hope, love, and compassion into the creases of his own grotesque fear, and in doing so, filling spaces we perceive as empty in ourselves with the faith and devotion he was so certain he lacked.

You Said Childlike In Passing But Chapter 55 of the Tao Te Ching Rewired My Brain and I Was Lost In the Akutagawa Sauce So...

And it's childlike how, even when characters like O-Gin are debased and humiliated, Akutagawa yearns for their salvation enough to smudge the ink at the edges of his precisely rendered language so the silly, ignorant little fools might transcend the boundaries of the narrative that otherwise ruthlessly scorned and punished them for their guilelessness. His need for innocence is itself indicative of the keen sense of violation that prompts a toddler to indignation when his jejune reliance on fairness is first exploited and then provided as cause for exploitation.

Akutagawa was wise enough to know childlike conclusions are the most profound and self-actualizing insights we can have, but too certain of the inevitability of his suffering and too overly prescribed barbiturates to nurture and cherish his own salvific childishness. So, your realization was brilliant for its childlike wisdom, and I think it's both wonderful and meaningful that you then nurtured that wisdom by pursuing the relationship you wanted with the source material.

Being Right vs. Playful Engagement

I'm also so glad that the post about being clever =/= obsessing over being right was sticky and impactful! It's, quite frankly, immensely less fun and more pressure if you're hinging your enjoyment on whether you're right when engaging with media where "right" is subjective and layered, and where you're engaging with a foreign cultural context. I get the impression that centering your engagement on making and assessing the accuracy of predictions also lends itself to biases, defensiveness, disappointment, misplaced resentment based on unmet expectations, and incuriosity; at least more so than engaging with the story playfully and sincerely.

I'm also just extremely biased towards bsd and Asagiri's approach to storytelling; I think he's engaging in a challenging and layered approach to storytelling that is wholly unique to him. (At least, based on my own experiences with referential multimedia titles.) I'm so charmed by how Asagiri throws himself into creative challenges and engages in meaningful and remarkably substantive conversations with the source materials, his own portfolio of interlocking narratives, and his audience. I would kill to chat with him about his processes.

Everyone I'd Encountered Who Seemed Parasocially Obsessed With Dostoevsky Was Right

Before I get into this next babble tangent, I want you to know that your kind words and perspective as a Russian-speaker regarding my Dostoevsky thoughts mean SO much to me; I'm very proud if I'm able to do an ounce of justice to the text in my ramblings, and I'm so excited to know the appropriate phrase for what I'm experiencing right now because I am REALLY feeling.

I was admittedly a little nervous about reading his works with only minimal background, and I went into Crime and Punishment without first consulting any published critiques and analyses (which I sometimes do for foreign classics to bridge gaps in context). But, I was eager to start the story, so I decided to just get into it with the understanding I might need to pause for further research if I felt I was missing too much context to engage with the text meaningfully. But, wow, I was immediately consumed. I struggled to put it down for most of it, and I've been staying up too late and sneakily reading at work; things I haven't done since I was in middle school.

While I know I'm missing context, even with the attentive footnotes (and I absolutely will read so many academic papers on it once I finish these last fifty pages), I was pleasantly surprised by how not only engaging his writing and this translation are but also by how familiar with and connected I feel to the characters and circumstances and emotions and dynamics. He has rendered the human experience and specific flavors of People into such compassionate, teasing, sincere, frank, and sobering characters who I feel like I've had entire conversations with.

I love classic lit, but Dostoevsky is sincerely rekindling a joy I haven't felt in years while reading. Also, his frankness and compassion regarding alcoholism and parentified children and trauma and ennui and guilt and the contradictions we grapple with within ourselves and with who we are to different people are giving me a framework for reflecting on swaths of my trauma and childhood that I've struggled to articulate my thoughts and emotions around for years.

I'm so energized and excited about reading his other works, but, wow, I'm going to miss these characters so much.

Accounting For My Crimes Against the Russian Language

I have very little background in Russian, but I'm passingly familiar because in high school (i) I was obsessed with Russian history, particularly related to the USSR and swaths of imperial Russia (I actually taught the lesson on Ivan IV Vasilyevich in my Western Civ class because my teacher was pregnant and exhausted and I knew the material better than she did); and (ii) I studied Russian with a private tutor in my senior year of high school (very lightly; once a week, only for a year, I met with her and two French language teachers from my school who were also interested in Russian for hour-long lessons and to receive homework assignments).

So, while my experience with the language is shallow at best, I've always loved Russian diminutives. I'm obsessed with the sheer amount of information relayed in someone's name. It's incredible. Of the languages I'm familiar with, none have a comparably satisfying gradient range of (i) affection and (ii) disrespect.

That said, I use diminutives for characters I'm particularly fond of, to show affection, and to teasingly disrespect them since I think it's quite overfamiliar for me to take such liberties.

Also, while I try to check after myself to ensure I'm using them correctly, I have only a surface-level understanding of what I'm doing, and some language forum threads are more helpful than others, so I'm very, very sorry if I use any incorrectly, and I encourage you (and any other Russian speakers and learners) to yell at me if you notice I'm misusing someone's name.

So far, my approach has been to check general searches, forums, and Reddit when I've encountered diminutives in Crime and Punishment, and I'll continue to look up every single name variation in the Dostoevsky novels I'm reading, no matter how long it may take me to realize what I've been scouring for isn't a diminutive at all but instead probably (emphasis on "probably," because no one providing English explanations seemed wholly certain) the same name but spoken in the form native to a separate Slavic language than the languages anyone else in the conversation was using, not that it really seemed to matter, since the same characters within the same conversation each used multiple forms of the same, with only one remark on what was most likely the correct form, which everyone ignored/disregarded, including the remarking character. So if you have context on THAT dynamic, I would love to hear about the etiquette and conventions around language forms among the many different languages and dialects in Eastern Europe.

For reference, the diminutives I've been using re: Crime and Punishment and bsd, with more context:

Raskolnikov is "Rodya" unless he's naughty, in which case I call him "Rodka." Unless he's REALLY naughty, then he's Raskolnikov.

Avdotya is Dunya always; I do feel egregious because she commands grace and gravitas, and I respect her SO much. But I love her dearly and am very warm towards her and everything she does, so I call her Dunya as if she were my sister because if she were, I would treat her better than Rodka right now.

Razumikhin is Dima which may be wildly incorrect, both in form and historical context; the only reason I haven't confirmed it yet is because I had an OC named Dmitri in high school that I was very fond of and referred to affectionately as Dima, and I'm similarly fond of Razumikhin, so I've delayed confirming and correcting myself here, although that's very Rodka-naughty of me, I know.

Fedya is always bsd!Fyodor, and only when he has really wide eyes and is being adorable bunny Fedya. He is Fyodor when he is being nasty or squinting. I call the author by either his last or full name, although I'm sure I've carelessly called him Fyodor before too. I try to maintain some consistency in distinguishing who I'm referencing between the characters and their namesakes.

Tl;dr: I love Russian diminutives. The only other time I've come close to feeling the same amount of immense delight over names-as-love-and-violence is when my work mentor, who is Chinese, was providing me with her preferred titles (laoban ["old boss," old meaning "venerable" rather than indicating age], jiejie ["big sister"]), and my other coworker chimed in to say, "Wouldn't you be da-jiejie ["first/eldest big sister"], since you're the oldest?" If looks could kill.

[ssaaaronmontgomery]

Can I get sweet baby Greg having to scare off some creep at a bar as best he can (he’s about as scary as the bear on the honey jars) and reader being really proud of him because he’s usually too quiet and nice to set boundaries but he did it for reader

Safe

Warnings: Creepy encounter, unwanted touches (hand/arm around waist and back), mentions of bars and alcohol, angst, fluff, baby angel Greg threatening a fight, nothing else I can think of but let me know if I missed any.b

Word count: 1k

Pairing: Greg Montgomery x gn!reader

A/n: Yes yes Greg would definitely do that for you!! NOT PROOFREAD ONCE AGAIN :)

Forever tags: @greg-montgomery @boredelle @hotchsdoormat @ssahotchnerr @criminalskies @beardedhotchh @hotchnerbau @ssamorganhotchner @mrs-ssa-hotch

Hotch: @14buddy22 @pastanoodles11

Let me know if you want to be added to Hotch, Greg, or Forever tags (both Aaron and Greg)

Having a night out at a bar with some friends and your boyfriend was something that started off fun but quickly took a turn when you noticed the same guy staring at you constantly. The creep wasn't admiring your looks, he was looking at you like you were an object. Like he was imagining incredibly inappropriate things. The man's gaze locked on you since you walked into the bar and it was making you increasingly uncomfortable.

You tried your best to stay away from him but when he came up to you at the bar as you ordered another round, he thought it was appropriate to put a hand on your back. You lower back. Far too low. You immediately stiffen at the unwanted contact and try to step away. He just wraps his arm around your waist though.

"Hey, where do you think you're going? I've seen you looking at me all night. What's your name?" He gives you what you think is the creepiest smile you've ever seen and you try stepping out of his hold again but it only tightens.

"Let go of me." Your voice comes out smaller than you'd meant for it to. You wanted it to sound strong and confident but instead it sounded scared, because that's what you are. You're scared.

"Oh, come on. I'm just trying to have some fun is all. Come on sweet thing. What's your name?"

"Excuse me, is there a problem here?" You hear Greg's voice and though you're relieved, you are still frightened by the other man holding onto you.

"There's no problem at all. Just getting to know this Sweetheart." He flashes an ugly grin at you and runs his hand up and down your side.

"Really? Because I thought they said they want you to let go of them." Greg's voice is stern. You almost never hear him like this.

"And who are you? This isn't any of your business." He sort of glares at Greg now, who tries to do the same back. Greg crosses his arms trying to intimidate the other man. "I'm their boyfriend and I'd like you to take your hands off of them please." He's a sweetheart. He's never like this towards anyone so when he is he really tries. He can be intimidating if he really wants to be but it's not natural for him.

The man looks at you and then back at Greg. "Or are we going to have to step outside?" Greg raises his eyebrow as he asks the man. The creep looks at you once again, letting his eyes trail down your body before going back up to your face. He steps away with his arms raised slightly in surrender before walking away. He actually ends up leaving the bar entirely and that's when Greg turns to you. His face is immediately filled with concern as he puts his hand on your back lovingly trying to make you feel more comfortable. His touch always calms you and he knows that.

"Are you okay?"

You nod at his words and smile.

"I'm okay. Thank you, Greg. Were you really going to fight that guy?" Greg is not much of a physical fighter. He's better with words given that he's a lawyer.

"I didn't want to but I would have if he didn't stop. I would do anything for you. You know that, y/n." He pulls you into the softest and most gentle hug you've ever been given which you gratefully return. How did he go from this to intimidating and back to this so quickly? He's hardly ever intimidating to anyone.

"Thank you, baby. I'm really proud of you." You give his cheek a little kiss. "Proud of me? For what?" He pulls back just enough to make eye contact with you. His brows are furrowed and there's a small confused frown on his face.

"For many things. But right now I'm talking about you standing up for me and protecting me. You're normally more like....like a little puppy that loves everyone. And I don't mean that as a bad thing at all. You're not scary, not to me anyway. So seeing you break that and scare that creep away was just something big to me. I know you don't like doing things like that unless you have to." You cup his cheek and he starts to blush and look down at the floor as you speak. The point you just made being proven right now. He's just a big sweetheart and most would agree.

"Well...thank you. I just want you to feel safe. And I want to be able to provide that feeling for you." He seems so shy now. Staring at his shoes with his bright cheeks and shy smile. A complete contrast to just a couple of minutes ago.

"I always feel safe with you, Greg. I love you." You speak so softly to him and pull him back into that gentle hug. He buries his face in your neck as you do and whispers how he loves you too.

"Do you want to go home?" His words come out muffled against your neck and you smile more.

"What about our friends? I know we came separately but should we leave? We haven't been here too long." One of your hands immediately finds its way to his hair.

Greg pulls back to look at you with a loving warm look on his face "I'm sure they'll all be fine on their own tonight. I'm just worried about you. I want to do whatever you want, sweetheart. We can tell them before we would leave, of course. So, here or home?"

"Home." It seems most relaxing after a night like this. Being home with your boyfriend snuggled up. It's all you want right now.

You love how he is such a sweetie by nature and that he has only ever broken that nature to protect you, and whenever he's arguing a case. It just shows how he really cares and loves you. That he would do anything for you, even fight a guy that probably would have won the fight and then you'd have to be the one taking care of Greg. Which you would gladly do. You love each other and always look out for one another. You know he'll always be there to keep you safe.

He smiles brighter at your words.

"Then home it is."

[bteezxyewriter12]

please make a smut about san being jealous :>>

Envy

Pairing- San x Named Reader

Word count- 2.9k

Includes- Jealousy, Dom San, rough sex, missionary, oral, pussy eating, cum eating, sex from behind, squirting, multiple orgasms, crying from pleasure, fludd

Tag List- @mingtina @jaxxmine @yeosayang @delightfulmoonbanana @tannie13 @y00nzin0 @marsstarxhwa

@yeosxxx @seokwoosmole @jjongsbebe @wisejudgedragonhairdo @meowmeowminnie @woo-stars @borntowalkaway @usagionthered @san-realblkwife @seonghwasstar @jejeyeppeo @soulseobi05 @kpop-bambi

Masterlists- check out for more fics

📝Masterlists 📝ATEEZ Masterlist 📝San Masterlist

San POV

"You're so funny Woo", she giggles, holding her hand to her mouth, her shoulders shaking, her face turning red

Poking my tongue in my cheek, I watch her and Wooyoung, annoyed

She's my girlfriend, not his

He knows I haven't seen her much these last two weeks because of the comeback and constant shows

I've complained about how much I miss her

And as soon as she comes over he invites her to watch the TV show he, Jongho, Yeosang and Yunho are watching

Some K-drama

She agreed to one episode and I had no choice to follow her

I know she's doing it to be polite

But still, he just keeps cracking jokes at the show and she finds them hilarious

I would too if I wasn't so annoyed

And jealous

He's flirting with her and although I doubt she notices and she's definitely not flirting back, I'm jealous

Also she's giving him her attention and I want it

I know I'm being a baby but I can't help it

I miss her

All I want is her in my arms, kissing me, holding me and instead I'm here, watching Wooyoung make her laugh

"Naekkeo", I call

She looks over at me, reassuring me, "It's almost over Sannie"

I know that but I don't want to wait anymore

I waited long enough

"Baby", I try again but she ignores me as she continues to talk to Wooyoung

He's talking about something that just happened in the show

I don't care

I keep trying to get her attention but she's not paying attention

Standing up, I say, "Naekkeo, I need to talk to you for a second"

She turns to me, "Right now?"

I nod, "Now"

"I'll pause it", Wooyoung says, grabbing the remote

"Oh no, you guys keep watching. Don't worry about me"

"It's ok Jo. We'll wait", Jongho adds

"Well alr-", she starts

I interrupt, grabbing her hand and pulling her up

"Alright San, Jesus", she grumbles, following me

Getting into my room, I close the door while she turns to me

"What is it?", she asks

I don't say anything, just move to her, hugging her

Her arms move around me, holding me and I'm in heaven

"Sannie, what do you have to talk to me about?", she asks

"Nothing. I just want you"

She pulls back, looking at me, "Are you serious? You don't have anything to tell me?"

I shake head

"What the hell San? You're making them pause the show for nothing!"

"You're my girlfriend! You're supposed to be with me", I whine

She stares at me like I'm crazy, "Are...are you jealous?"

Crossing my arms, I look away, staying silent

"Oh my god you're jealous", she says bursting into laughter, "What the hell are you jealous of? You get me all night"

"Stop", I say, my cheeks heating up

"You're seriously jealous of Wooyoung?"

No

Not of Wooyoung

Of the attention she's giving him, the time she's given him that she should be giving to me

But I'm not saying that

She's already laughing at me

"God you're such a baby", she exclaims

I feel myself getting angry

I'm already annoyed and this is just adding to it

"I'm gonna go finish the show", she says giggling, "You need to relax San"

She starts to move around me and I snatch my hand out, grabbing her arm

"He's flirting with you"

"No he's not", she snorts

"Yes he is. The jokes, the smiles, the looks, his flirty eyes. He's flirting with you"

She laughs, "Please San. He's not and even if he is so what? I'm not flirting with him"

My annoyance grows every time she laughs

"You think it's funny that I'm jealous of the attention you're giving someone else when it should be given to me?"

"Yes San", she says, "It's your friends. My friends. There's nothing to be jealous of. You need to get over it"

Get over it?

"You're seriously going back to Wooyoung right now?"

She rolls her eyes, "Cut it out. I'm going to watch the rest of the show"

"Joanne"

"Oh god San, stop. Stop being a baby!"

A baby?

Wanting to spend time with her is being a baby?

Not a chance

"I'm not being a baby"

"Yes you are. And right now I'd rather be hanging out with Wooyoung instead of dealing with your jealousy"

"You'd rather be with Wooyoung?", I growl, "You'd rather he'd flirt with you?"

She narrows her eyes, "Yes"

I know she's saying it to egg me on and I shouldn't give into the anger I feel but fuck it, I'm already there

"Get on the fucking bed", I growl

"What?", she snaps

"Get on the fucking bed", I respect

She scoffs, "No"

"Do it or I'll make you"

She laughs, angering me more, "I'd like to see you try"

Fine then

Bending down, I pick her up, slinging her over my shoulder

"San! What the fuck!", she yells

Not answering, I walk to my bed while she yells

"Put me down"

Alright

Tossing her on the bed, she bounces a few times before she stops moving, glaring up at me

Ignoring her glare, I reach for her pants, pulling them down

"What are you doing?"

"Reminding you who you belong to", I snap, pulling her panties off, then getting out of my bottom clothes

"I don't belong to-"

"Be quiet and open your legs"

She scoffs but when I take my shirt off, she stops, staring at me

I know she thinks I'm hot

She says it enough and times like this when I'm shirtless or naked and she stops talking, just staring proves that she's telling the truth

It's fine, I'm the same way when she's naked

She's fucking perfect and I just stare in awe, wondering how the fuck I got her

Speaking of, I pull her up, pushing her shirt up and off, then undoing her bra, throwing it over my shoulder

Pushing her back down, I repeat, "Open your legs. Or I will"

Her legs automatically spread open and I just smirk

Getting on the bed, I hover over her, slamming my cock inside her in one stroke

"Oh god", she whimpers, taking me perfectly

"Hmm soaked already", I say, pulling back and shoving back inside her

Starting off with a fast, hard pace, I fuck into her, watching her body shake in pleasure, her pretty moans, echoing in the room

"Would you get this wet for Wooyoung?", I snap, hooking my arms under her knees, holding her wide open

"No"

"No? But you want to hang out with him instead of me"

Barreling into her, I hit her spot, her cunt drenching me, her screams loud

Her cunt is wrapped perfectly around me, throbbing hard, pleasure all over me

Fuck me, I love being inside her

I'm almost too big for her tiny pussy, we're a very snug fit

Still she opens up for me perfectly, letting me fill her over and over and screams for more

"No", she cries

Fucking her mercilessly, moving her legs over my shoulders, I growl, "No? Then who does your pussy belong to?"

"You", she cries, her body arching, eyes squeezed shut and my god she's stunning

"Oh yea?", I snarl, "Whose cock belongs inside you?"

"You!"

"Say my name!", I yell, wanting Wooyoung and all of them to know to fuck off when it comes to her

She's mine and only mine

"You, San!"

"Yeah me? Who's cock do you cum on?"

"Yours San! Your cock", she shouts, her hands gripping the sheets tightly, twisting in them

Her pussy is like a fucking waterfall, soaking my pelvis and my sheets under her

And I still pound into her so hard that she moves up the bed and I have to hold on to her hips, pulling her back down, closer to me, every thrust

"Who do you fucking belong to?", I shout

"You San! Only you!", she cries, her cunt so fucking tight around me, as I continue to impale her on my cock, "Fuck Sannie! Wanna cum! Oh fuck"

Her eyes open, looking so fucked out, tears falling from them

"Look at you, crying on my cock", I mock, "Can Wooyoung make you feel this good?"

"Nnn..no", she hiccups

"Damn fucking right no. I belong inside you. You're fucking mine! You cum on my cock, I cum in your tight pussy. All of you is fucking mine!", I shout

"Yes Sannie!"

"So when I tell you to stay with me, you do it!"

She nods, "Yes, ok"

"When I tell you to get on the fucking bed and open your fucking legs, you fucking do it"

"Ok! Ok!", she cries

"Damn right. Scream my name! Tell everyone in this fucking dorm who you fucking belong to!", I shout, the slapping sound of me fucking into her so loud, feeling fucking incredible

"I belong to you San!", she screams

"Good girl", I growl, "Fucking cum right now"

Hitting her deeply, her body squirms as she screams my name, pussy clamping down on my cock in a vice grip

Her pussy explodes squirting so fucking much, she's gushing everywhere

I've never seen her squirt this much before

I fucking love it

"Yes fuck! Squirt for me baby!", I yell, fucking her through her orgasm, her squirt flying everywhere

As her orgasm tapers off, her body shivers, her cunt loosening around me

Her chest heaves, breathing hard, her eyes closed

"Good girl. Fuck you're so pretty when you cum naekkeo"

She moans softly as I pull out of her

My dick is covered in her cream, more of it leaking from her

Moving off the bed, I kneel on the floor, pulling her to the edge of the bed

Holding her legs open, I bury my tongue in her pussy, licking furiously, moaning at her sweet tastes

"Oh god Sannie", she whimpers, her legs immediately shaking around my head

I go at her hard, running my hands up and down her thighs as I eat her pussy

Licking along her slit, I push between her puffy lips with my tongue, reveling in how she feels against it

So soft, so fucking wet

Running my tongue over her clit, she shudders as it throbs against my tongue

"Fuck, I love this clit baby", I moan, sucking it into my mouth, playing with her, "So swollen naekkeo. Throbbing so hard. So good to suck on"

"Sannie", she moans, her hand moving towards my head

She keeps missing my hair, so I grab her hand and put it in my strands

"Feels too good, you can't find my hair baby?"

"Yes", she cries

I spend some time playing with her clit, sucking hard, licking, tugging, anything to keep it in my mouth

Her pussy just keeps getting wetter and wetter, my chin and neck soaked, drops of her juice running down to my chest

Dragging my tongue down, I spread her lips, licking around her hole while using my thumb to keep playing with her clit

"Please Sannie", she begs

Slipping inside her, she gasps, immediately clenching my tongue

Groaning loudly, I fuck my tongue into her, every pulse of her pussy sending pleasure down my spine

"Oh god, oh god", she cries, "I'm gonna cum"

"Oh yeah?", I tease, knowing by her spasms she is indeed going to cum, "Where are you gonna cum?"

"You're mouth Sannie!", she yells, "You're tongue. I'm gonna cum on your tongue...I'm gonna....fuck!"

As she climaxes, I shove my tongue as deeply as I can, her delicious cream covering my tongue and my mouth

I can't help but moan, swallowing over and over

God, I can't get enough

Once her throbbing dies down, I pull my tongue out, swallowing then go back for more

Running my tongue all around her entrance, I clean her pussy until there's no more cum

Standing up, I flip her on her stomach, hooking my arm around her waist, moving her up the bed as I get on it

"Need to cum in my pussy", I inform her

Getting her on her hands and knees, I move my hard cock to her hole, pushing inside right away

She takes me and I watch her hole split around my thickness, straining the more I get in

Bottoming out, I press right against her ass, feeling the soft fluttering of her pussy

"Oh god, fuck. So fucking good naekkeo. God I love your cunt"

"I love your cock Sannie", she murmurs softly

"Mmm baby. Your pussy was made for me"

She nods, her body shivering as I run my fingers slowly up her back

"Ready baby?"

"Yes Sannie"

"Good girl", I praise, pulling out, then quickly shoving my cock back in, bottoming out

"Oh god", she cries when I hit her spot, shivering

Holding her hips, I fuck her slowly but hard and so deeply

In and out, over and over, her pussy clenching so fucking tightly with each hit

It's feels fucking intensely blissful

"Fuck baby, you cream my cock so well", I praise, watching her cream completely cover my cock

A pretty ring of white cream forms around the base of my cock and fuck me, I live to see that

When she creams that much, I know I'm giving it to her good

"Sannie", she whines, "You feel so good"

"Yeah baby?", I ask, my movements not changing as I fuck my pretty girlfriend

"Yeah"

"Well baby you feel fucking amazing. My tight little pussy is fucking perfect for me"

She moans softly, "Want your cum Sannie"

"Do you naekkeo?", I groan

"Yes. Want to feel your cock throb inside me, want to feel you fill me so much it leaks all over my legs"

"Goddamn naekkeo", I moan, the tight pull of her cunt bringing me so close, "Cum for me baby. I wanna fill your coming cunt"

I move into her a few more times and she snaps, coming around my cock, her cream coating my shaft

Ecstacy blinds me as I shove my cock inside her, shooting cum deep inside her

"Joanne fuck!", I yell, "Fuck, you're pussy feels so good! Oh fuck"

Her orgasming pussy milks my cock completely, sucking all my cum out

Jesus Christ, it feels amazing

When I finish, I pull out and she collapses face first on the bed

I move next to her, moving her hair off her face, kissing her shoulder blade and feeling her skin tremble against my lips

"I love you naekkeo", I tell her

"I love you baby", she answers tiredly

Leaning over her, I kiss her cheek, then get up

Pulling my boxers on, I leave the room, getting to the bathroom

Quickly washing my dick, I get a clean hand towel and wet it

On my way back to my room, Wooyoung walks towards me on his way to his room

"You really didn't have to fuck her that loud and make her scream those things. We all know she's yours", he says annoyed

"Didn't stop you from flirting with her", I snap

"Oh my god, I was joking around, I wasn't flirting. Jeez, get your fucking jealousy in check man", he snaps, "You successfully made all of us uncomfortable. Seonghwa came out of his room and asked what was going on. Hongjoong came home to hear you guys and he was so annoyed because he was exhausted! If you wanna fuck that hard the do it at her apartment!"

I shrug, "I did it to make a point"

"Yeah I got it. We all fucking got it. Cut it out next time", he snaps, then continues to his room

I don't really care about any of them hearing us

I wanted them to hear us so they know

Don't fuck with me or my naekkeo

Getting back in my room, I smile when I hear her cute soft snores

Sitting in the bed, I gently move her to her back, opening her legs and cleaning up the mess we made

Throwing the towel on the floor after I finish cleaning her, I lift her as best I can, putting her in the bed, tucking the covers around her

Shutting the light off, I get into the bed next to her, moving her into my arms

"Sannie?", she murmurs, her eyes opening halfway

"Yeah naekkeo, I'm here"

"It's sleepy time?"

"Not yet but we can nap for a little baby"

"Mmm ok", she agrees

She presses her lips against mine in a sweet kiss and I completely fall into it

Slipping my tongue in her mouth, playing with her, she kisses me back just as passionately

I reluctantly break the kiss because I know she's tired

Her eyes immediately close as she lays her head on my chest, "I love you"

Smiling, I press a kiss to the top of her head, "I love you naekkeo"

She cuddles into me as I hold her tightly

I know I have no reason to be jealous when it comes to her

I know she loves me just as much as I love her and I know she'd never hurt me

I have to be better about the jealousy

I will be

Holding her, I smile as her snores reach my ears again

She's so fucking cute and I thank god she's mine

I kiss her hair again, then close my eyes, ready for a nice nap

[faceglitchsworld]

It's the 5th of February here...you know what that means.

It's Terr-I mean Taehyun's birthday, wohoo!

As always, I've made a collage for him ☺️

Ok, just for clarification, I needed to take a screenshot from his Sugar Rush Ride fancam. Why? Because I needed a picture of him sleeveless. You need to admire his muscles, the boy works out and you need to see the muscles 😤

The selcas on the middle are my favourite of him honestly, he gives such ✨ S W A G ✨ energy, I couldn't not put them.

Enough with the explanation, it's time for the emotional part (there's a language switch here, I'm sorry).

Taehyun is really important to me, especially for this blog's history. I still remember how I was spending the night reblogging birthday content for him when, out of the sudden, I thought: "Wait, isn't it too boring? It's his birthday and I'm just adding the usual tags..."

I kept scrolling until I found another birthday gifset dedicated to him. I don't remember exactly which gifset was, I just remember that I went completely in AWWW mode and I screamed "Ah ma che patato che è". That moment was like an epiphany for me, I really started to use that word more and more just for him. And then that word became his personal tag. Yup, his personal tag, my first personal tag, was born on his day. What a coincidence, uh? Since then, if I have enough fantasy, I always give a personal tag for every member of every group that I stan (I'm crazy, I know perfectly, don't worry).

So, yeah, if my blog has become even more "personal" for me, tagging wise, it's thanks to Taehyun.

Of course this is not the only reason why I love him. I don't know if it's just me but I noticed that Tae has a very special duality. Tae seems the most mature and chill member if you just watch a couple of TxT videos. A little savage, sure, but it seems the more mature, the voice of reason sometimes. But then you dive a little more deeper and you discover that, at the end of the day, he also loves bring chaos like the rest of the maknae line. He just has his way of being chaotic. I'll always remember the To Do episode where TxT were doing the Police Playbook and Tae did that magic trick with the pen out of the sudden. I'm still laughing about it. It's this duality that makes me love him even more.

I can't talk about Taehyun without mentioning my love for his voice. When I discovered TxT and I started to listen to their discography, Taehyun was the first vocalist I immediately recognized. Probably I should thanks his highnotes but, uhm...I don't think I just love him for that. I love the way he modulate his voice for every song. He immediately understands which song he's singing and he makes sure you can feel the right emotion while singing it. He's singing an happy and upbeat song? He makes sure to put a smile on your face while singing it. A sad and emotional song? You'll surely cry thanks to him. You get it. Singing is his way of "acting" for me. He knows how to communicate a certain feeling and, like a real actor, he makes sure you'll feel those emotions. And I love him for this.

Dear Taehyun, I don't have enough love words for your day. I only wish for you to never stop being curious. Trying new things and challenges has always been one of the best trait of yours and you demonstrated this with the last album too. Knowing how much work and energy you put every time, new challenges will be a new occasion to show to us more sides of you and I can't wait to see them. Don't worry about the result. Even when it's not perfect, MOAs will always appreciate your effort and your courage to try something new.

Hope you'll celebrate this day happily with the members and your family too, you deserve it.

Happy Birthday Taehyun 🐿️

[bread-tab]

#i was just liveblogging my therapy progress lol #did not expect this

i'm putting my tags in the post because the above addition happened when the post was at, like, idk, a few hundred notes??? and the one above that when it was at, like, a couple dozen. and that's the version that popped off, where i was thanking people for that dozen notes. lmao

and i'm pinning this so if you clicked my blog you can see that fun tidbit, and because i want to remember what an incredibly positive experience this has been. this is my second viral post (on any website, ever), and my first one was a shitpost about the frustrations of being sleep deprived. every single tag i see on this post is like "i've been doing this too and it improved my life" or "i want to get better at this" or "nice job OP."

this has, as you can imagine, been ridiculously validating.

and honestly, you know, i was just posting about a subtle habit i'd picked up that i'm not even that consistent at yet. i'm not good at this! the word "mindfulness" still makes me go eww. but here we are. turns out it still matters

the overwhelmingly positive response has really encouraged me to keep at this and continue finding little ways to bring more agency in my life.

so, seriously. thanks

💖

if you're wondering how to start this kind of habit for yourself...

someone in the notes recommended an app called OneSec which helps remind you to think about whether you actually want to open an app or website.

anything you can use to create a little friction or pause before you zone out works in the same way; isolating those apps in their own little folder, deleting the app so you're forced to use the web version, logging out of things, etc.

i use a launcher app called Minimalist Phone which, among other things, lets me decide how long i want to spend in an app and then prompts me to stop using it after that time. i encourage you to experiment with these kinds of tools and fight back against the mechanisms that exist to exploit your attention.

my own journey to this point was long and complicated and basically added up to millions and millions of small choices, decisions to try out ways of thinking and strategies to get better. those are going to be different for everyone. we all get these opportunities but they're very specific to our own lives. the principle behind it all, though, is that every little choice you make means something. every little experience you have. even if that's just looking at memes.

if you're feeling helpless, you can take the power over your own life back starting in really, really tiny ways.

start by making a specific choice like "instead of just opening an app and scrolling, i'm going to specifically search for 'cute orange cat photo' and feel a moment of satisfaction when i find one i like."

come up with your own teeny tiny goal that aligns with your interests. do that once to open the door. do it twice to establish a pattern. do it three times to make it a habit. do it again just because you can.

if making a goal feels too big, you can start with asking yourself questions. be casual about it. "what's fun about this?" "am i seeing things i like?" "what's keeping my attention here?"

it doesn't really matter what you ask as long as it gets your thoughts stirring. it's even okay if it's not a question you can actually answer. starting to notice what you're doing builds up the awareness that allows you to make choices.

the thing is, our brains don't really understand the difference between a little decision and a big one. under the emotional baggage, it's all just decisions. if you want to get more confident overall, you can trick yourself into it by practicing with these little things.

the practice counts. it starts with daring to try a new chip flavor even if you might not like it, or deciding you want to learn something today and googling "fun animal facts," or realizing "this youtuber pisses me off" and closing the video...

and before you know it you've slipped into applying the same thought process to bigger decisions and your life is changing for the better. it adds up. but you can start here, with small steps, where only you can see it and it's low-pressure. you have the power. you have unlimited chances to make it work. give yourself an opening, even if it's just a pinhole

somehow, amazingly, i have hacked the impulse that makes me mindlessly scroll on my phone. it's not gone but i've paired it with a conscious thought process that goes like, "what's my goal here? i'm looking for entertainment, for information, for something that makes me feel more optimistic and interested in the world i live in..."

and because that kicks in between apps, too, i'm not doomscrolling as much. i'm intentionally seeking out posts or videos or whatever that actually mean something to me. when i'm not satisfied i walk away or pick up a book instead. most subtle yet impactful change i've gone through in years

i did not intentionally set out to change this. i've just been working on my mindset in general. hey, turns out having a good therapist again helps

[sconeys]

(TW: Arguing, cursing, potential cheating, CGL)

Tags: F4F Established Relationship, Making Up, Misunderstood, coming out, CGL, Mommy, WLW)

If you want to use this, please ask first as these will mostly be personal scripts 💜

I think I'm gunna use this as something of a personal writing log, do some script writing with the added bonus of having it here for other people to see and suggest things! So with that said... Let's start!

For this first script I want to try writing a specifically wlw/lesbian script, since all of my scripts I've written so far have been completely gender neutral. My gay ass just misses lesbean pet names 👀

This first script will be a coming out to partner CGL script (gone slightly wrong), since CGL mommy scripts are what I've mostly written c:

So, scene setting: VA goes on the computer, she notices it's been left on; with a messaging app open. Said messaging app has multiple unopened message notifications. Opening them VA sees that her GF has been messaging other women calling them "mommy". Feeling like she didn't need to see any more than that and already upset, VA moves to go and confront her GF about it.

Script start:

"Babe, we need to talk."

"About what? I think you know exactly about what."

"What do you mean you don't know what I'm talking about? Don't play dumb with me, please, you'll just make it worse."

"Please stop trying to mess me around, I saw your texts to those other women. You literally left them on the computer."

"Yeah. "Oh shit" indeed. Did you REALLY think I wouldn't find out?"

"It's not like that? Then what the fuck IS calling random women online "mommy" then, huh?"

"Christ...what the fuck are your parents gunna think-"

"What are MY parents gunna think?!"

*VA sighs deeply* "Fuck..."

"Why are *you* crying?"

"Why do you keep saying that? How is it not what I think? You were calling other women mommy and shit like that, seems pretty cut and dry to me."

"It's not like *that*? You mean a kink? That you have a mommy kink?"

"...not a kink? What? How is it not a kink?"

"You don't get off to it...? Then...why?"

"Comfort...? I...babe I'm not following-"

"Age regression? I...think I've heard of that, yeah, what's that got to do with this though?"

*VA listens for a while to an explanation, listening and makes sounds/responses of following*

"I...think I understand...but why'd you never say anything, babe?"

"You were scared...? I mean, I guess I can see why...it's not the easiest thing to understand and I'm still not even sure if I do..."

"Hey....hey, sweetheart it's okay...baby, you don't need to be sorry....I just...didn't understand...I thought it was something else...it's okay."

"I'm sure...of course I'm sure. Now look up at me with those big beautiful eyes of yours...there she is, there's my girl..."

"I love you, okay. The only reason I was so upset was because I was scared that I was losing you. I'm sorry for jumping to conclusions, but it seriously made me freak...I shouldn't have looked to be honest, it's my fault too."

"That's right, babe, it wasn't all you, I fucked up too. Now come here and smoosh that face of yours in my chest, I know you love that..."

*a little while of soft breathing sounds and potentially heartbeat*

"You know...I wouldn't be opposed to being called mommy..."

"Yeah, I mean it... if it makes you happy I'd be a pretty shitty girlfriend not to try, right?"

"...I do wish you'd have told me before going online for it though, sweetheart"

"it's okay babe, I know you didn't mean any harm by it...or should I say 'baby~'"

"N'awww~ You trying to hide that cute blush in my chest baby?"

"I definitely wish I'd known sooner if I meant you being this adorable and shy..."

"You can't hide there forever baby...c'mon look up at...mommy"

"There's my baby girl...look at you, so cute all snuggled up to mommy..."

"Gosh...you're so adorable like this..."

"You know...you did such a good job explaining age regression to mommy sweetheart, mommy is so proud of you!"

"Mhmmm, that's right! A very good job, little one~ Maybe we should get you a sticker chart or something, baby. Would you like that?"

"You would? Well we'll have to look next time we go shopping! You'll have to be a very good girl for mommy though..."

"You'll be a good girl? Good, I'm glad sweetpea~"

"You know...I think I could get used to this"

"Yeah, I think so baby, it's very...comfy...cozy? I'm not sure how to describe it."

"Safe? I think maybe you're right darling...safe. I think I understand what you meant earlier now..."

"Kinda like I could forget all the problems in the world and just dedicate my attention to you...my sweet, precious little girl..."

"You're so cute when you get shy..."

*VA pause for a while again, soft breathing*

"Hey, baby?"

"Thank you for being honest with me. I know it must have been tough for you, but...I'm so glad you did."

"You don't need to say anything, just know I'm really, really happy right now."

"...I love you, baby girl. So much."

[tarabyte3]

I Want You to Show Me Weak

Fandom: Andor

Pairing: Kino Loy/F!Reader

Chapter 11/27 (2.8k words)

->start at chapter 1<-

<- Chapter 10 | Chapter 11 | Chapter 12 ->

Warnings: Explicit rating, Smut, Prison, Prison sex, minor non-graphic injuries, Dom/Sub, sexual tension, dirty talk, praise, hair-pulling, light choking, unprotected sex, oral, angst, orgasm denial, humiliation, slut shaming

Summary: You're pretty sure Kino Loy hates you. He screams at you, grabs you, and shoves you against the wall, and it's becoming a problem because, well...it shouldn't fluster you as much as it does.

A/N: I have added 2 new warning tags so make sure you check those out! I wish there was a better term for the last one, but I want to make sure everything is properly tagged and it's the best way for me to communicate as clearly as possible that there's a dude being an asshole to the Reader in this chapter. And it's NOT Kino. (Okay not just Kino.) Work title is from "Poison" by Vaults. Chapter title is from "Criminal" by Fiona Apple. Previous chapter links up above.

AO3 Link

Chapter 11 - I've been a bad, bad girl

Things have been going well.

Things have been going too well.

You're starting to get the hang of not talking back and thinking before you speak. Because you're always thinking about how much Kino likes it when you're good, so your filter improves. It becomes part of the routine. Even your pod notices. Some of them with admiration (Sorrek and Jevid) and some of them with dismay (Taybus and Alis).

Kino was definitely correct when he said he knew what you needed. That you don't respond to yelling. Because it turns out, the thing you respond to is him.

Unfortunately your mind is so full of Kino that you aren't prepared for triggers to your impulsivity outside of your routine. Outside of the things that you've been practicing and can think through.

So when you're heading for a break in the middle of your shift, and from table 4 you hear your name followed by the words "Kino's bitch," you stop. You tense. And you're turning before you can think about it.

"Must be nice to serve your time doing nothing but bossing people around all day and getting laid at night. Or getting special treatment because you suck the boss's dick." There are a few chuckles at your expense, even though some of them see you standing there and know you can hear all of it.

"Excuse me?" Your voice is careful and controlled, but still manages to sound every bit as furious as you actually are. Maybe you've been spending too much time getting yelled at by Kino.

"Wasn't talking to you." The man, whose name you don't know, says sharply. You take a step towards the table.

"No, you were just intentionally talking about me, loudly, while I was walking by so I would hear it. In an attempt to, what? Make me feel ashamed?" You take another step closer, every movement controlled and tight. "Sad? Cowed? Humiliated?"

"I don't know, any reason you should feel any of those things? Like spreading your legs for the shift manager? As a random example." He shrugs.

"Classy." You smile at No Name, and it doesn't reach your eyes.

"You're definitely not that." He glances at several of the other men at his table, and they all laugh.

"You seem really preoccupied with whether or not I'm fucking anyone." You fake pout at him. "You got a crush? Wish it was you, maybe?"

He glares at you. "You wish."

You tilt your head at him. "If I really was Kino's bitch, how did you think this would end for you? Hmm?"

He rolls his eyes. "Why, you gonna sick him on me for being mean? Because nothing we said was wrong. We all know you're fucking him."

"Nah. Why bother wasting his time on something that doesn't matter? I don't even know your name, dude! But you sure know mine, huh? I think we both know I'm not the one with my panties in a bunch here." You hear one of What's His Face's tablemates choke on a sudden laugh before he can stop himself, and you grin knowing you struck a nerve. The guy next to him hits him with a 'shut up.' You lean forward and lower your voice. "So instead I'm gonna fuck him so good he won't be able to see straight, keep crushing your ass in the numbers, and go back to forgetting you even exist. But word of advice before I do? Jealousy isn't a good look for you."

When he looks away, you know you won whatever weird, jealous display of masculine posturing and defiance this was. You know none of them will ever treat you like that again. At least not to your face. As if getting laid dehumanized you or concentrated your worth as a woman down to being Kino's bitch. As if they could ever make you feel small when he made you feel like the center of the fucking galaxy.

"Enjoy last place, assholes." You give the rest of his table the finger as you walk away backwards, feeling fucking awesome about how you handled that situation. You really wish your table had heard because they would lose their shit. Especially Alis because you—you back into something solid.

You turn to see what it is, and find yourself looking directly into Kino's furious face.

"Kino!" You gasp. A little wave of panic washes over you. "How are you so fucking sneaky all the damn time?! And how…how much of that did you hear?" You hear a snicker behind you. He glares over your shoulder at the table, which immediately silences it.

"I heard enough." He grits out.

"Oh," is all you can say.

"Yeah, 'oh.'" He grabs you by your upper arm. "What did I say about coming to me first if you have a problem with someone?"

"To do so?" You wince.

"Good, you were paying attention!"

"He started it." You mumble under your breath. Because, well, he did. And because telling that asshole off may have made you a little cocky.

You know immediately that he hears you because then he's dragging you by the arm out to the hallway.

At first you're angry and indignant because he HAD started it. HE didn't go to Kino first. HE called you Kino's bitch. And he's not even in trouble. That's so fucking stupid!

Then you realize: if he was being dragged out to the hallway with you, you couldn't be punished, and oh right! You're about to have Kino's hands on you.

He pulls you into the alcove and lets you go with a light shove. You stumble, but quickly right yourself and turn to face him.

"What the hell was that?" He shouts, and you begin to wonder if maybe he's actually really mad at you.

"He called me your bitch! And insulted you!" You feel yourself begin to grow defensive.

"So?! What do you care what that asshole says?"

"I don't! I just didn't want anyone talking shit about you! Because if he's saying it, that means other people are saying it!"

"I can handle them just fine," he says confidently.

"You don't need to because I already handled it." Your defensiveness is melting into exasperation because you don't understand why he isn't more upset at the other guy. Why isn't he defensive about you.

"That's NOT how this works!" He hisses.

"Fine! But I'm supposed to just let someone call me your bitch?"

"No! That's why you come to me first! Instead of attracting attention!"

"I wasn't attracting attention! Except maybe embarrassing him." You huff.

He grabs you by the shoulders, shoves you into the wall, and closes the distance so he's pinning you there. "You said you were going to fuck me so good I wouldn't be able to see straight. Or did you forget that part?"

You squirm, suddenly overwhelmed at feeling him against you, and a little turned on as he says the part about you fucking him. "How could I?" You groan.

"Well, I hope it was worth not getting to fuck me anytime soon." He growls.

Your face falls. "I didn't…" you bite your lip to stop yourself from finishing your sentence. Instead you just say, "I'm sorry."

"I know you aren't. Not really." He leans forward to snarl in your ear, "but you will be." Then he releases you and takes a step back.

You whimper, "Kino, please. I AM sorry!"

"Turn around and bend over." His voice is hard and unyielding as he ignores your pleading.

You push yourself away from where you're still leaning against the wall and follow his instructions without argument. You know there's no point anymore. He's going to punish you. If you argue, you'll just make it worse for yourself. Though there's a part of you that thrills with excitement at the thought. The rest of you knows you're already going to miss out on more because of it and that fucking sucks.

While you're bent forward and staring at the wall, you can hear him shuffling around behind you. You want to look over your shoulder so badly, but you know it will just make him angrier. It's a shock when he pushes your shirt up to your waist and exposes your back. You shiver in anticipation wondering if he might touch you, but then he grabs the waistband of your pants and pulls them down to expose your ass as well. Now you think he's going to spank you instead, and you don't completely hate the idea. There's more shuffling behind you and you can feel him standing close.

"Keep your eyes forward," he orders.

You gulp and nod as you ready yourself for the stinging pain of a slap on your bare ass. But it never happens. Instead you begin to hear the slick sound of flesh sliding against flesh and he moans, deep in his throat.

Oh.

Oh, fuck.

He's touching himself.

He's jerking off behind you and you aren't allowed to look.

Fuck.

"You're going to walk around the rest of the day," his breath catches, "thinking about what you missed out on tonight."

"Kino, I'm—"

"Be quiet," he growls. "Bend over farther."

You lean forward so your ass is sticking up into the air, completely on display for him. If you reached your arms out, you could touch the floor. It reminds you so much of last night that you feel a swell of wetness at the thought. His foot nudges the inside of your ankle and harshly pushes it outward, and you shift your stance wider to stop from falling over. He groans and the sound of his fist speeds up. It's then you realize he can probably see your dampening sex as well. Which means his erection is inches away from your spread opening. You brace your hands on the floor as your knees feel weak.

"If you'd behaved, you could have finally sucked my cock," he pants. You let out a little sob of frustration. "I could've come in your mouth. I wanted to come in your mouth. That would have been a better use for it than running it off."

Your sob turns into a wail, which you bite down so the sound doesn't echo. You want to cry and beg and grovel, but you know it's too late. He isn't the kind of man to change his mind easily or lose control. You have to really work for it to get it to happen. Like last night, you think with another wave of arousal.

"God, I can see how wet you are. You love this, don't you?" He groans. "Being punished."

"Yes," you say so quietly that you wonder if he even heard you.

"Do you have any idea how easy it would be for me to fuck you right now? To slide into you? I'd just have to thrust forward and I could be deep inside of you. I bet you would be so tight for me." Something lightly brushes against your folds and you can't tell if it's his knuckle or something else. You're so horny and frustrated that you start to cry.

"Would you like me to?"

"Yes," you weep.

"If you wanted my come inside of you, then you should have thought about that before you opened your mouth!" His voice is strained and you can hear his breathing becoming erratic. "Instead you're going to wear it again."

"Please, I'm sorry! I was just trying to help," you choke out. "I won't do it again, I swear! Kino, please!"

"No, you won't do it again." He lets out a deep, pleasurable groan. One that you recognize now, and the thought makes your eyes burn with fresh tears and your core throb with want. There's the warm splatter of his release on your lower back, across your ass, and down your thighs as he paints you with his come. He continues to suck in hisses of air and grunt as he shudders and strokes out the last of climax behind you.

You let out a small sob into the ensuing silence. He sighs heavily through his nose, disappointed, but doesn't say anything. You don't move as you hear him tucking himself back into his clothing. After his own uniform is straightened, he slides your pants back up over your hips and to your waist. Then he lifts your shirt and gently lowers it over your back, covering his mess with your clothes.

"Leave it until you shower after the shift," he orders.

"But Kino-" you straighten up and start to protest because that's four hours you have to stand at your table like this.

"I said leave it," he growls.

You nod back at him with your eyes on the floor, dejected. "Yes, Kino," you murmur. You can feel something running down the middle of your back, and you try not to shiver. Or think about it, or else you won't think about anything else.

"Now get back on the floor." He steps to the side.

You had considered staying behind so you could hide in the corner and touch yourself while thinking about his hand on his cock as he teased your entrance. But he must have read your mind and wanted to deny it to you. For now. OR he was worried you would try to clean up. Maybe both.

You walk past him, nearly brushing your shoulder against his arm as you do. It's a very different feeling that settles in your chest as you walk back to your table this time around versus five days ago when you wanted to sob on the floor. Because you're upset, you're disappointed, you're even angry, but you're not broken.

And was it really only five days ago? Have you only been doing this for five days? Maybe it's because it feels like you've been doing this since the moment he grabbed you by the uniform. Maybe you have been, even though you were too off kilter to realize.

You take your place at your table. Alis glances up and starts to say, "welcome back," but instead his eyes widen as he takes in your blotchy red face and puffy eyes.

"What the hell? What happened to you?" He asks, concerned. Everyone else at the table looks up from what they're doing and you watch the concern spread amongst them as they see your appearance.

"I'm mostly fine, I promise, but I'll tell you after shift." You sniffle and take a deep calming breath. "Jevid, how are the numbers?" Your voice is still shaky and you're trying not to think about your back.

"Down by less than a rack. Eight right now."

"Think we can catch up and take first?" You give him a determined look.

He puffs his cheeks out as he sighs. "It could be doable. It'd be close though."

"How about it fellas?" You look around at the rest of them. "Wanna help me take first?"

Threl stares at you for a moment, like he's trying to deduce what happened just based on your mood. "Why's that, kid?"

"Because there are some mother fuckers at table 4 I want to punch in their stupid faces, but I can't so destroying them in the numbers is all I got."

Several of them look over at table 4, where some of the men there are also glancing up in your direction.

"Did they do this?" Sorrek's voice is low and dangerous, not the gentle woe of sad dad. He straightens to his full, now admittedly intimidating, height and glowers at them. Kino's words about Sorrek's previous occupation ring in your ears.

"I was crying because Kino yelled at me, but they're the reason." You clear your throat. "I'll tell you all what happened after shift, I swear, but until then, they deserve it. So you in?"

"Yeah, I'm in. Those guys are assholes anyway." Alis begins tightening a bolt and you've never known how he moves that fast. He makes you feel clumsy and slow.

"Hell yeah!" Taybus is so excited, he shakes Edii by the shoulder and the other man just stares at him. Bewildered, but not angry. Which is progress.

"Well, then let's kick it into gear. Don't forget to sound off when you're done and call out parts. Goes faster when we get a feel for the whole table." Threl says as he begins to move. Everyone else begins to follow his lead.

Your table takes the shift by one fucking part. That's only because you guys got the last one put up minutes before the bell. …And because table 3 had a slight malfunction that slowed them down enough that you could catch up. You'll still take it.

You know Kino will be proud of you and it will somewhat make up for him being angry. That fills you with gratification. You also know table 4 is pissed. Partially because you're sneering at them. But mostly because they're about to be fried. And that also fills you with gratification.

A/N: That's right. I "Secretary (2002) starring Maggie Gyllenhaal and James Spader"-ed them. Just added a Kino punishment twist. I regret nothing. I live outside of God's sight and by consequence outside of his love.

Also, boy, I really am doing everything I can to keep them from fucking for as long as possible, huh? 😇

And I promise things get better for her in Chapter 12! 😏 In the meantime, have another chapter meme:

NEXT CHAPTER->

[of-house-atreides]

Under the Veil | Part 5

Summary: Sierra gets used to her life in Caladan.

Pairing: Duke Leto Atreides x OFC

Words: 4316

A/N: Please, note that I am French so there might be some mistakes here and there. Also, I've never read Dune and have only seen the movie once so far. I'm taking some obvious liberties and have also added some more supernatural elements of my own.

Warnings: age gap (legal), arrange marriage, mentions of blood and death

Masterlist

Tags: @karolajnx0yep @theliterarybeldam

Leto had been right.

When she woke up, she felt like staying in bed all day, and not just because she was lying in his loving arms. He had wrapped himself around her, holding her close to his chest, his chin resting on the top of her hair. She woke up first, slightly panicked at first at the unfamiliar feeling of being held lovingly in a man’s embrace.

She gradually looked up at him, finding him fast asleep. He seemed so peaceful, so content just lying there with her, like he didn’t need anything more. Maybe she should have stopped herself, but she couldn’t resist his face and had gently brought her fingers on his features. She explored him again like she had done the previous day after the ceremony. He was the same, but he looked different somehow. Twenty-four hours earlier, he was a stranger. Now, he was her husband. And he was handsome. She wondered why she hadn’t noticed before. Perhaps she was too scared to allow herself to really see him. Her mind traveled back to the previous day, the previous night, remembering the look in his eyes when he first saw her, the kindness in his voice when he first spoke to her, the joy in his smile when she first called his name. She wanted to see all of it again. If only he would open his eyes.

She ran her hand smoothly through his soft hair and brushed a strand of curls away from his forehead. When her eyes returned to his face, she was met with his brown eyes and she instinctively removed her fingers from his skin, feeling like she had been caught somewhere she shouldn’t have been, but he gently seized her hand and brought her palm back onto his cheek.

“Good morning.”

He gave her a sleepy smile as he stroked the back of her hand with his thumb.

“Hi,” she shyly smiled back. “Did I wake you?”

He hummed. “What a splendid way to start the day.”

She felt her cheeks turn red as he placed a kiss on her wrist.

“Did you sleep well?”

“Yes.”

“I’m glad.”

Minutes passed and it seemed like time had stopped as she laid with him and wished she could remain like this forever. The bed was easy, their chambers were safe. But out there, outside, it wouldn’t be easy anymore, and she felt so weak still even after everything else that had already happened. It seemed like the worst was behind her, but it didn’t make the rest better.

“You were right,” she spoke up after a while.

“I was?”

“About today. I don’t want to get out of bed,” she told him as she gripped his shoulder.

“One step at a time, Sierra. I will be with you, always.”

“All day?”

“Always,” he repeated in a whisper before capturing her lips with his.

Confidence claimed her as he did, and she pushed against him as he leaned over her. He could only hope what he had to give her was enough to help her through the day, to help her through the upcoming war. She could taste it on him, his concern, his genuine affection for her. It gave her enough courage to follow him out of bed and to leave him behind in his chambers.

She found Nesta already at work in hers. She was busying herself with the bed sheets, already having laid out her outfit for the day. It was awaiting her on the seat near the vanity, a pair of shoes under the chair, the matching jewelry displayed on the dresser.

That was the only thing that was similar from her home in Valentia. At school, she had to do everything for herself, like everyone else, but at home, she was served everything on a platter. If she wanted something, all she had to do was ask. Of course, her father wouldn’t let her become a spoil, lazy, undeserving girl. She had to work for the honor of being his daughter, of being worthy enough to be part of his bloodline. And while he had broken his promise, as he was master of his children and didn’t owe them anything, she had seen the pride on his face when she asked permission to transfer to the Academy. It was the same pride she had seen when she passed every test and showed off her Valen strength to all of Valentia. The same pride that had shone in his eyes when he said goodbye to her before sending her to Caladan. Thanks to her, Valentia was finally going to be recognized by the Imperium. She was his brightest pride, his biggest success.

Sierra and Leto had breakfast together, just the two of them. He told her what to expect of her second day on Caladan. He gave her a quick tour of the castle, introduced his staff, his advisors, his most trusted men. Thufir Hawat had given her a warm welcome, and had impressed her with his knowledge of Valentia, and his respect for Valens. And while Leto’s warmaster, Gurney Halleck, had greeted her with the respect a Duchess was owed, she had found him cold and mistrustful, everything she feared from Leto’s people.

She remained by his side as he started a meeting with his strategists and, while at first she was confused as to why he would want her there, she quickly understood it was a way to remind the people in the room of what she was bringing to the table.

“Lord Valen is assembling men to send to Arrakis as soon as possible. They will meet our own people already on the ground. They will help assess Arrakis, secure Arrakeen, and do an inventory of the spice machinery the Harkonnens may have left behind. They will be under my command.”

“So, he’s given you his daughter, and now his army, what is he expecting in return?” the warmaster grumbled.

“Gurney!” Leto reprimanded.

Sierra knew better than to take offense. As a woman of Valentia, she was used to being objectified by other men. And he wasn’t wrong, after all, Abel Valen had sold his daughter, now the price remained to be discussed.

“Apologies, your Grace.”

“It’s not me you owe an apology to,” her husband criticized firmly.

Gurney turned to her and bowed solemnly. “I apologize if I’ve offended you, your Grace.” His tone was steady and honest, although she knew it was because he was loyal to his duke and his comments were coming from a place of concern for the House he was ready to die for. Sierra simply nodded and made no fuss about it.

“Lord Valen has asked for a share of the spice,” Leto said. “I understand Valens have their own use for it.”

That they did. Sierra was suddenly taken over by a wave of regret. Her whole life she had worked hard to get behind the closed doors of the Academy’s library so she could find all the answers to her questions, discover all the secrets of her planet. And although she had her doubts, as every Valen did, she would keep them to herself and spill not a word of them. But she was the only one in the room who knew her father was getting the better part of that deal.

“The Duchess has told me more about the weathermen and the special forces of Valentia. I’m happy to say Arrakis is no longer a trap leading to war. Valentia is helping us greatly, and we are grateful for every Valen’s sacrifice that may lead to a successful takeover of Arrakis’ rule, and House Atreides’ survival.”

Sierra knew his little speech was only for her, but it also served as a reminder to his men that they had a new Duchess to whom they owed respect, and most certainly their lives. She could feel the mood changing in the room. She was no longer a stranger to them, but their Duchess who had already given up so much for them. And that, they could respect.

They had all been wary at first, about the deal with Valentia. The treaty. They thought Sierra’s family untrustworthy. Not because they were gifted, although that didn’t help, but because they just didn’t know them, at all. No one on Caladan had ever met a gifted before. No gifted had set foot on Caladan before Sierra. It wasn’t fear of the different. It was fear of the unknown.

That was all she found on Caladan: fear. Of course, everyone she met respected her, but they also feared her. There was no extended hand, no accidental touches. Everyone kept at a safe distance from their Duchess. Perhaps, she thought, they feared they would turn into frogs if they came into contact with her.

Only Jessica and Nesta allowed themselves to touch her. Jessica acted like a big sister to her, teaching her how to be a Duchess, how to be a woman. Nesta was more like a loyal friend, keeping her privacy safe and her fear to a minimum. Paul wasn’t afraid to touch her. He was too curious about her to be scared of her, and perhaps that fault would cost him one day, in other situations, with other people. And of course, there was Leto. Leto, it seemed, couldn’t keep his hands off her. Whenever he had to leave her somewhere, alone or with company, he felt like he was abandoning her. He wanted to be there for her as much as possible, but he had his duties, and with the move to Arrakis, he didn’t have much time for his wife, to his biggest regret. It made him feel guilty all over again when he left her, unable to look after her, care for her. He wanted to give her a safe home after tearing her away from hers, and he knew only he could do that.

As the days passed, she seemed to get used to it. To get used to everything, to everyone. Since Sierra scared everyone off, Sierra stayed away from everyone else. She seemed sad all the time, but when asked, she smiled and assured she was well and needing for nothing. She never asked for anything. She wore the clothes Nesta chose for her, ate the food they brought to her, read the books they found for her. When she went through the volumes, she found it odd they had brought her only Valentia related works. She wasn’t going to learn anything from those books. If anything, she needed books covering Caladan, or even Arrakis, as it was to become her new home planet in a few weeks. Sierra didn’t find joy in anything, at least, not during the day. She seemed only at peace at night, when she shared her evenings with her husband. He found her relaxed and eager to talk or listen. She allowed herself to get close to him and let him do as he pleased with her, as she knew he wouldn’t ask or take more than she could give.

That was why it broke his heart when, a week after their wedding, he entered her bedroom with no intention of getting into her bed. She was sitting on her side of the mattress, brushing her hair one last time before going to sleep.

“Sierra.”

She looked up and grinned when she saw him standing before her bed.

“I won’t spend the night with you tonight,” he said as he approached her.

“Is something wrong?” she asked, thinking he still had some work to do.

“Nothing’s wrong. But I will be in my own chambers tonight,” he answered as he sat by her side.

She frowned in confusion, trying to understand why he would want to spend the night alone in his bed. That was when she saw Jessica standing at the doorstep between their chambers. That was when she understood.

“Oh, of course,” she said, trying to keep her disappointment hidden, but failing miserably.

He read the sadness on her face even as she turned away from him.

“I will stay if you wish me to.”

“Of course not,” she quickly told him as she put her brush down on the night table. “Have a lovely night, Leto.”

She slid under the sheets, carefully looking away so she wouldn’t have to meet his eyes.

“Have a good night, Sierra.”

He placed a gentle kiss on her forehead before exiting her chambers, leaving her alone to spend the night with his concubine.

As Sierra was lying in the darkness of her bedroom, she kicked herself mentally for being so weak. She raged that he could bring tears to her eyes so easily. She resented that he had made himself so important to her when she wasn’t the most important to him. One week with him and that was all it took for her to forget he had a woman he loved, a woman he had loved for decades, the mother of his son. They had spent decades together, sharing the same bed every single night and the past week had been the exception because he was married now and she wasn’t the only one in his life anymore, she wasn’t the only one he cared for. Leto had been so kind and generous, so sweet and caring that she was already infatuated with him, and that showed poor judgment on her part. She should have known better, she should have remembered: she was his wife, but Jessica was the one he loved. She fell asleep that night, her cheeks wet, and feeling sick to her stomach.

Leto had spent the night resenting himself as well. He had managed to cast aside his doubts and his regrets long enough to prove to the woman he had spent the last decades with that he loved her, but even she knew his heart wasn’t entirely there. Unlike Sierra, Jessica had seen it coming. Leto was a caring man who was stupid enough to keep every single vow he made. That was what she loved the most about him. His sense of honor and duty above all else. But Jessica wasn’t an insecure twenty-year old girl, scared and away from her home. She knew Leto would love her no matter what, no matter how much he grew to love his new wife. She didn’t worry about Sierra, and more importantly, she had no right to worry about her. She was Leto’s wife, not her. She had every right when it came to him. But Jessica knew better. She knew what kind of power she had over Leto, she knew he would never abandon her. She was his family, the mother of his heir. She was part of House Atreides and had been for a very long time. She had power in Caladan, power he gave her, power he wanted her to keep. Leto didn’t have anything else to prove to her. She already knew it all. So, when they were done showing their love to each other, Jessica left his bed and allowed him to return to his young wife.

Leto found Sierra on her side of the bed, her arm stretched out on the mattress, like she was searching for him. She didn’t look like she usually did, she wasn’t as peaceful. In fact, she looked in pain. He hoped he was wrong, he hoped that was a manifest of his own guilt. He carefully joined her under the covers and brought her to his chest. She instantly reacted to him and wrapped her arms around him, burying her face in his neck.

“What’s happened?” she asked drowsily.

“Nothing, my love. Go back to sleep,” he whispered softly before placing a kiss in her hair.

And while she was still asleep, he felt her relax in his arms, as if some missing piece of her had just returned, allowing her to finally find peace.

***

Sierra was hiding.

Not from Leto, he knew exactly where to find her.

But Sierra was hiding. From everyone. From everything.

She spent the vast majority of her free time in the greenhouse. She had been eager to see it ever since Leto had first told her about it. It broke her heart she was to leave the garden behind to move to the desert. It was a large two stories room, with a white stone fountain in the middle surrounded by plants and trees and butterflies. She felt safe in the greenhouse, felt safe with the flowers. She could use her gifts there without being seen, even the gardeners had no idea. She put all her energy into the ground, into the dirt. Her energy helped the flowers grow faster, taller, more beautiful.

She just watched, at first. She watched the gardeners take care of their plants. There were flowers she had never seen before, smells she didn’t know. She stayed away, at first, not wanting to make the staff feel uncomfortable, but the old man, the chief gardener, had asked if she wanted to help, to put her hands in the mud, and she hadn’t had the heart to refuse.

She was kneeling in the dirt when Edward entered the greenhouse in a hurry one afternoon. She had never seen him so… upset. He seemed panicked, although he was trying to stay calm. He was usually so composed.

“Your Grace?”

“What’s happened?” she asked as she stood up, keeping herself calm, expecting the worst.

“Your presence is requested in the training room.”

She followed him down the hallways, leaving dirt behind, running for what seemed an eternity in the maze that was the castle. Eventually, she recognized the way to the training room and Edward quickly moved to the side to let her enter.

What she saw cut the air from her lungs. A gruesome sight coming straight from a nightmare. Paul was lying in the arms of his crying parents, blood spilling from his neck. Gurney seemed like he was about to stab himself with the bloody dagger he was holding tight in his hand.

She met Leto’s agonizing eyes and he didn’t need to ask, she already knew why he had called her there. Her eyes shone as they turned white, analyzing the entire room, how many people were present, how many were hurt. Physically, only Paul needed assistance. Only Paul needed her. She was by his side in a second, her hand finding Leto’s on his neck. He removed it to allow her to work. Given the amount of blood that was on the floor, it shouldn’t have surprised her not to find a pulse, but she had let herself hope.

“Leto, there’s no pulse,” Jessica wept as she brought her son’s hand to her face.

“It’s going to be okay,” he lied, to her, and to himself. “Sierra?”

The desperation in his voice broke her heart. It pained her to see them, him, hurt like this. There truly was no pain like the loss of a child.

“Sierra?” he begged her to answer, to tell him she could fix it.

She looked down at Paul, his face contorted with pain. Her eyes filled with tears at the sight. She shook them away. She had to focus. She was the only one who could help him. It was going to be difficult, but not impossible.

“Right,” she nodded as she took a deep breath. She knew exactly what to do. “Step aside.”

He did as he asked, but it took Jessica a few second to let Paul go. Sierra ripped open his shirt and pressed the palm of her hand against his heart. This wasn’t a talent she had. She was a healer, but this wasn’t healing. She had to restart his heart, and although she knew what she had to do, she wasn’t sure exactly how to do it. She had studied it, had practiced it a few times, but her job was to make sure hearts kept beating, not to make them beat again.

“Step aside,” she repeated, firmer this time, and his parents complied, letting their son go with difficulty.

Sierra inhaled deeply as she closed her eyes, trying to catch the lightning in the darkness. When she opened them, they were thunder white, lightning traveling through her arm to her hand, from her fingers to his skin, to his heart. The trick was to know exactly how much to give him. If it wasn’t enough, his heart wouldn’t bulge, but if it was too strong, it would fry, and she would kill him for good.

His body twitched as she shocked him, and he gasped painfully as his heart started beating again. Jessica wailed beside him as she brought her hands to his face and placed a kiss on his forehead, tears rolling down her cheeks. Sierra ignored Leto’s muffled cries as she quickly covered Paul’s wound with her hand. As blood flow had returned, his jugular started bleeding again, and he wouldn’t last long if she didn’t heal him soon. Healing was easy. Her eyes turned back to their normal light green as she made the injury fade away, as if it had never been there, the blood being the only reminder of his very close encounter with death.

A shaky breath escaped her as she let him go, leaning back as Leto embraced his son. She stood up, giving the family some space. Looking down at her hand, stained with Paul’s blood, she saw the burn on her palm, and was reminded of the shield that was supposed to prevent exactly this from happening. She looked down and saw Paul had his around his hand like he was supposed to.

“What’s that blue light?” she asked Leto as she watched Gurney train Paul.

“It’s the shield. It protects us from getting hurt.”

“What happened?”

“The shield…” Gurney answered, his voice failing, “it… malfunctioned. I- I’m so sorry.”

Leto seized his son’s face and pressed his forehead against his. Jessica placed a kiss in her child’s hair before she looked up at Sierra and mouthed a ‘thank you’ to which the Duchess nodded.

“Shields don’t just fail,” Leto said, his mastered fury burning in his voice. He took the shield off Paul’s hand and gave it to Gurney. “Find out what happened.”

“Yes, your Grace,” the warmaster saluted, eager to find redemption. He exited the room, giving one last apologetic look to the concubine.

“Are you okay?” he asked his son who nodded confusingly. “Go, go to your room, get some sleep.”

Jessica helped Paul on his feet, but he staggered over, threatening to fall, but Sierra caught him in time, raising a finger, summoning an invisible force to keep him upward.

“Eat. Drink. Meat and water, and some juice,” Sierra told him. “But mostly water.”

Paul gave her a confused look but nodded nonetheless. She knew Jessica would make sure he did exactly as she asked. She looked down at her bloody hand and was surprised the burn was still there. She tilted her head to the side. She felt odd. Like there was something wrong about the air.

“Sierra.”

Leto put a gentle hand on her shoulder, bringing her back to reality. She looked up at him but couldn’t really see him. Her mind was lost somewhere even she didn’t know.

“Thank you,” he breathed as he put his hands on her arms before placing a kiss on the top of her head. “I…” he paused, she could see he was looking for the right words, but there weren’t any, or if there were, he wouldn’t let himself be so vulnerable. But his tears were loud enough.

“Something’s wrong,” Sierra managed to say, fighting the fog taking over her mind.

“What? Are you okay?”

She closed her eyes, shut them tightly, and shook her head. She had to figure it out before her mind went away, before it was too late. She looked down at her hands again, the blood turning dark on her numb fingers. She frowned. She tried to move them but found it painful. She slowly brought them to her nose and grimaced at the smell. Leto raised his eyebrows in disgust and wonder as she brought a finger to her tongue. Her eyes opened with the answer.

“What’s wrong?”

Her right eye started twitching as she clenched her jaw, anger started burning inside her chest as she understood. She could feel the fog get thicker inside her head and her legs weaken. She couldn’t find the words, couldn’t find the strength. She couldn’t fight it.

They had been smart.

She could hear Leto’s voice calling her name, his hands gripping her face. Her eyes were opened but she couldn’t see. She knew exactly what she needed, and nobody else would know. She had to tell him what to do. She had to do it now before she couldn’t anymore.

“Pink.”

“What?”

“Pink,” she breathed out, feeling herself fall over.

Leto caught her as he called for help.

“Get Dr. Yueh!”

He fell to his knees with his wife in his arms as she fought as hard as she could knowing it would be over as soon as she went down, as soon as she closed her eyes.

“I need… pink,” she coughed, choking on her own words.

“Sierra!”

His shouting her name chased the fog away for a moment, the strength of his voice giving her enough power to say one more word before the fog returned thicker and unforgiving.

“Poison.”

Leto’s face crumpled as he understood, as she did, that whoever had tempered with Paul’s shield had tried to kill two birds with one stone. She blinked several times, trying to find his eyes, her terrified gaze meeting his, burning with determination.

There was a traitor in his house. And he was going to kill them himself.

**********

Thank you for reading!

Please do leave feedback, it's always encouraging! 🙏🏻

[emyluwinter]

I posted 247 times in 2021

215 posts created (87%)

32 posts reblogged (13%)

For every post I created, I reblogged 0.1 posts.

I added 1 287 tags in 2021

#twst - 184 posts

#twst yuu - 175 posts

#twst mc - 172 posts

#disney twisted wonderland - 150 posts

#twisted wonderland - 149 posts

#twst wonderland - 118 posts

#disney twst - 102 posts

#twst x reader - 95 posts

#twisted wonderland x reader - 90 posts

#twst ace - 52 posts

Longest Tag: 139 characters

#disney twisted wonderlandtwisted wonderlandtwisted wonderland x readertwsttwst x readertwst yuutwst mctwst azulazul ashengrottopearlseaazul

My Top Posts in 2021

#5

Salt

During the "Ghost Bride" event"

Yuu looking at all the failed attempts of the guys and how the wedding time is approaching.

Yuu looks at the time - That is...you mean...that I have again will take away the hostel?!

Yuu pulls out a purse going to Sam's shop - Well, no!

***

Eliza - oh so you're a photographer?!

Yuu holding the camera - Yes. can I ask you to stand together to take a group photo? Without a groom, so to speak, close brides.

- Oh, of course!!It's so exciting!!

Yuu takes out the bag and makes a small hole in the hole and starts making a circle around the ghosts

- Huh?What are you doing?

- Special effect. ..It's called "Salt". If I've learned anything from TV shows, then it will work here for sure.

Idia is in shock - Did they really decide to use it?!?

The rest of the "hostages" - Are you crazy?!?

The ghosts are trying to " fly " out of the circle but run into an invisible barrier.

- What?!What's happening??We can't get out!!

- Let us out!!!

Yuu pulls out a gun made of iron - I told you I'm not going to tolerate the fact that my dorm, which cost titanic efforts to bring to a tolerable state for life, will be so cheekily taken away. So. My terms are, we get out of my dorm. And don't bring the seven you made a mess there...

One of the "guards" in the corridor notices the situation and pounces on Yuu.

Yuu shoots the ghost's head at point-blank range without even turning around. The ghost falls and disappears.

- I've got enough ammo. Salt, too. I'll give you 5 minutes to think.

Deuce is wildly delighted - Prefect is so cool!!

Vil, Leona and Azul - Where the hell did you get a gun from?!?

Someone from the ghosts - This is cruel and inhumane!!

Yuu grabs a chair and sits down elegantly. - It is cruel to condemn a living person to death without even listening to him. And arrange a marriage without consent. It is cruel to attack poor students who have nothing to do with your death. It's cruel to kick students out of their dorms for the sake of ghosts. It's cruel to use magic on students who just wanted to resolve the situation .They did not use any violence. You are going to kill Idia for the sake of the princess ' whim. Where is the guarantee that you will not go further and kill each of us? Until she calms down, or does she go crazy and kill everyone indefinitely?

Idia is in a quiet ecstasy, almost crying - I will finally be saved....Come on, prefect!!kick their asses!!

Leona grinned - and the herbivore turns out to be able to show his teeth.

Azul nervously chuckled - Yes........................ I still got off lightly that time...

528 notes • Posted 2021-06-01 13:11:33 GMT

#4

Cute legs Yuu

Suppose Yuu is a girl, but all the guys are so stupid in this regard that they do not notice it.

Yuu pulls up his sweatpants above the knee in physical education, because the uniform is clearly too big for them. Crowley gave them clothes from former students and the size did not fit Yuu at all.

Ace looks at Yuu's feet.

Yuu carefully tucks up his pants and it becomes clear that they are wearing striped stockings with a wide stripe like a Grimm bow. Elegant beautiful plump legs.

Ace bites his lip. - Daaaaaamn it Yuu..

Yuu straightening up and pushing her hair back - Hmm?What's wrong Ace?

Ace blushes - Why do you have such beautiful legs ...

Deuce pushing Ace in the shoulder, being red and eyes squeezed shut - Ace! Stop staring!

- Ay, Deuce!Did you see yourself?!?

Yuu looks at the two confused idiots. - what's the matter with you two?

Ace was still staring, fighting off all of Deuce's attempts to close his eyes. - no, seriously..Yuu, they can't even match Vil-senpai. Cute stockings!

-Em....thank you?Can you two calm down already?

- How do you propose to calm down when I have this in front of my eyes?!?

***

Yuu walks with Jack around the sports field collecting equipment.

Other students. - Damn it...what legs...I'd like to have my head pinned between those beautiful thighs for a couple of months.

- Seven help me..I'm going to break my eyes at this piece of art in the flesh.

Yuu almost stumbles over what he's heard, and Jack turns around and snarls at them.

Yuu gently stops him from fighting - Thanks Jack..it was strange.

Jack - if they hurt you, tell me. I'll talk to them.

Yuu notices that he's doing his best not to look at her, and his tail is spinning like crazy. - Jack, is everything okay?

- yes, everything is fine. - Jack's cheeks turn a little red and he turns away.

Yuu is completely at a loss - but what's going on with you you've never seen feet before?!

548 notes • Posted 2021-05-28 12:33:53 GMT

#3

During the events of episode 3. When Yuu and Grimm had to spend the night in Leona's room.

Early in the morning, Ruggi tries unsuccessfully to wake Leona up. - Leona-saaaaan!!Come on, get up!!Wake up!!

Yuu is still sleepy, gently stroking Grimm in his arms, poor Grimm fell asleep after brushing his teeth and washing his face. So even Yuu decided to give him a nap for both of them.

- Hey!Yuu! Don't be a freeloader, try to wake him up while I clean the room.

Yuu is still sleepy, almost falling asleep.

- Can I wake him up any way I can?

- Whatever!

Yuu gently settles Grimm on the pillow, gently scratching him behind the ear and receiving a contented purr in response.

- He's an even bigger dormouse than the Great Grimm,- Grimm muttered grumpily, rubbing his eyes with his paws.

Yuu meanwhile gathered the sheet from all the ends and with a sharp movement took Leona into the trap of the sheet, which now looked more like a huge bag.

Ruggi looks at the scene in disbelief and quickly pulls out his phone to capture everything on video.

Yuu calmly carried Leona to their dorm pond.

Ruggi couldn't believe it.

- Come on...oh, you're not going to...

Yuu goes to the edge of the pond and throws Leona into the water along with the sheet.

- YOU DON'T KNOW FEAR AT ALL, DO YOU?!? - Ruggi shouted.

- WTF????Icy!!! What the hell?!?- In less than three seconds, Leona floats up in a wild rage and climbs onto dry land.

Yuu is still sleepy - Good morning Leona.

- I'LL GIVE YOU SUCH A GOOD MORNING THAT YOU WON'T SEE A DAY!! - Leona roared, grabbing Yuu face with one hand. A little more and Yuu would have felt his jaw crack.

- Well, you woke up and took a refreshing cold bath at the same time, what are you angry about?

Ruggi was laughing at the top of his lungs and wiping away his tears while crying with laughter

- Damn it!!you really did it!!!You're crazy!!I filmed it!!Then I'll send you the video!!!Oh, the Great Seven!!

- Will you beat me? - Yuu asked awkwardly

- I think it's better to start with.

- Ruggi said to wake you up, but he didn't say what shouldn't do that. But now you don't even yawn.

- You're either so stupid or so fearless that I don't know what to choose from, - Leona growled.

**

Malleus looks at the battered Yuu in amazement. - what is it, child of man?

- You'll laugh.. - Yuu replied awkwardly.

- I should have heard what happened first.

- I threw Leona into the pool in their dorm while he was sleeping.

Malleus freezes and his eyes widen.

- huh?please repeat.

- I was sleepy and did not think straight and threw Leona asleep in the cold water. Ruggi told me to wake him up, but I can't think straight when I'm sleepy. He was so mad that he thought he was me going to tear me to pieces..But we just slipped and fell into the water. And then he got to me because I can't swim and I almost drowned... - Yuu explained painfully and awkwardly.

Malleus bites his lip. Yuu looks at his late-night guest with a puzzled expression...trembling?Maybe he's cold?

Suddenly Malleus bursts into a loud, merry laugh.

- Oh, child!!That's the best I've heard in a while!You threw that lazy cat in the water..

- cold water - Yuu corrected.

- Exactly! Malleus laughed heartily. Yuu felt his face blush with embarrassment and shame.

- What a pity that I did not witness this scene. - Malleus added, wiping away his tears.

- Ruggi made a video, I can show you.

- You never cease to amaze me. - Malleus smiled slyly. - I'd love to see it.

***

During the VDC camp

In the evening, Vil explains the schedule to the participants.

Ace is sad to get up so early. he looks at Yuu slyly.

- Anyway, Yuu, you're not going to throw me in the bathroom to wake me up, are you?

Yuu shudders and turns sharply to look at him

- Ace I swear if you..

Vil interrupts them both - what are you talking about, potato?

Ace awkward - ah ... you didn't hear Senpai?

Yuu - wait Ace!

Ace looks at Yuu with a malicious smile, who starts to blush with shame - to wake Leona, Yuu threw him into a pool of cold water.

Vil, Rook, and Epel look dumbfounded at Yuu who wants to fall through the ground.

Vil suddenly chokes on a laugh and starts laughing merrily. - are you serious?!

The rest of the participants join him in trying to imagine this situation.

- yes..I was sleepy...and Ruggi told me to wake him up...

- What a brave act Trickster-san did! Throw the lion himself into the cold water of the pool!

Epel - I didn't know you were so strong!!To raise Leona himself!!

Yuu covers his face with his hands - please stop saying that this is some kind of feat.

Vil with curiosity-it is a pity that there are no documented materials of this scene left.

Yuu whispered softly, - Yes.

The room falls silent.

Yuu continued to speak and blushing even more - Ruggi caught it all on video..and he gave me a copy..but don't ask me to show it, or Leona will definitely send me to the other world.

Vil - he's too lazy for that. Throwing this spoiled prince into cold water, well done Prefect. But from now on, please don't act so rashly.

Yuu nods knowingly - take my word for it, I have enough adventures in my life, not enough to create new ones for myself.

577 notes • Posted 2021-05-15 11:06:31 GMT

#2

Lunch

MC dines alone because Grimm and Ace are serving their sentences, and Deuce is on duty at the botanic Gardens.

Malleus notices this and goes straight to the MC.

The entire cafeteria turns their heads in slow motion, but they continue to eat and talk, all looking at Malleus.

Malleus smiling politely - Good afternoon Yuu.

- Good afternoon. - Yuu smiles awkwardly.

Everyone stares at them.

Who among the students is whispering.

- What did MС do to Draconia?!

- He won't fry him??

- MС Fearless isn't even afraid to talk to him.

Mc looks at Malleus, puzzled.

- Did you want something?

- Yes, I wanted to ask you why you're having lunch alone today.

- My friends are either on duty at the botanic garden, or they are doing assignments because of the punishment for their behavior.

Malleus understands, and pauses for a moment.

- Would you like to have lunch with me?

The cafeteria is suddenly dead silent. Everyone is looking at MС

MС smiled sheepishly.

- Oh, with great joy!

Malleus literally beamed and looked at his human friend with great tenderness.

- Follow me and I'll show you the place.

MС picks up her tray and walks next to Malleus.

- Thank you for inviting me, I will always be happy to have your company.

Malleus stops at minita and looks at MC in surprise.

- Is that so?

- Do you mind? - Yuu looks at him worriedly

Malleus chuckles softly.

- No, I don't mind. The truth is, I don't mind your company either.

- What did you take for lunch today?

Malleus literally melts at the simple and calm tone of the Mc.

- I haven't decided yet. What can you recommend me?

MС thinking for a minute

- Hmm, they have some delicious blueberry muffins today. And the pasta with cheese and vegetables is wonderful!

The two of them go to Diasomnia table.

Everyone is literally breaking their necks looking from their seats at these two.

- MС what..hit your head?

- Why are they so calmly talking to him as if they are friends?!?

one of the students could not stand it and asked at the top of his voice - i'm so sorry................but..........WHAT.THE. F*CK?!?

580 notes • Posted 2021-05-23 11:48:30 GMT

#1

The ghost bride event.

Yuu is a girl here. I've warned you.

Yuu dodges Eliza's slap

Eliza did not expect this - Ha?!

Yuu grabs her wrist and slaps her in response. - Don't. you. dare touch. me. A spoiled child.

Eliza clearly didn't expect - how...you....how dare you....how dare you hit me?!?

Yuu coolly and harshly - What's not to like when you suddenly get hit in the face? And what about my boys whom you just hit like that?

"Slap victims" cheerfully support Yuu. One of them whistles happily.

Azul - if I wasn't paralyzed, I would have applauded her.

- Yours...your boys?!

Yuu - Deuce, Jack and Sebek are some of my best friends. And I'm not going to tolerate that some kind of ghost who can't get rid of the stereotypes of choosing a partner and beating them. My senpai may not be the best grooms in the world and masters of communicating with a girl,and not the best by your stereotypical standards, but they are unique in their own way. Vil - not bad words Prefect.

Trey whispers-Deuce...I think that after Riddle will arrange a serious conversation for all of you.

Deuce - if you are again talking about the topic that we have a bad influence on it. I didn't teach her that.

Idia - YES!!Come on, Prefect!!!Save me!!

Yuu calmly - first of all, you will apologize to the rest of the senpai!!

- w...what...What?!WAIT, WHAT?!Why should I apologize?!?

Yuu angrily - you said nasty things about them and they tried to help!!

Floyd is smiling contentedly - The shrimp is so angry. It's more fun than just lying on the floor.

Jade grinned - I dare say she has a good punch.

***

Yuu enclosing the ghosts in a circle of salt and sprinkling them with holy water from the pulvizer so that it is not touched.

- Boys..how are you?Does anything hurt?

Deuce is uncomfortable - my face hurts.

Leona, Azul and Vil. - My pride..

***

Azul - Yuu-san I am infinitely glad to see you. But how did you get through all these ghosts?

Yuu looking for something in the bag - eh?I just climbed through the window. The guards always think that they will go to the door. And they didn't look at the window behind the curtains. No wonder they were all killed.

all - CLIMBED THROUGH THE WINDOW?!

606 notes • Posted 2021-06-28 13:20:09 GMT

Get your Tumblr 2021 Year in Review → Thank you all!!It has been a very productive year!!!

I would really like to write more, but my work takes away all my resources. This is some kind of nightmare.

Why December is always so hard for the third year. _:(´ཀ`」 ∠):_

Why did I collect so many likes with Leona throwing into the water....? (・・ ) ?

Why are you doing this to Leona ahahsjgbfg ( ´ ▽ ` )?

And the first place with Elaiza...whaaaaat?ლ(¯ロ¯"ლ)

[winterlinksandotherlinks]

About that Links Winter AU

Fairies are dying. Sky still dreams. Legend has the family he always wanted. Warriors doesn’t. The Heroes of the Four Sword merge again, for the first time in years. At Lon Lon Ranch, Malon gets unexpected visitors, while Time wakes up in a snowscape, surrounded by nine other heroes.

This is a story about families, about a past that comes back to haunt them, and about a world forgotten by the goddesses.

————

The fourth chapter of Out of Time, the main story for the Links Winter AU, is now available on Ao3!

————

Hi there,

Since there's a few of you here, I figured I'd do a bit of an intro-and-overview of the Links Winter AU, and introduce myself.

Who am I? Here, I go by Kalh (she/her, fae/faer). I’m 23. I buy too many books and read too few of them. Pasta and reindeer stew are comfort foods (the stew just takes too long to prepare). So is carrot cake (the cheese cream is important). I’ve published a peer-reviewed academic article (it was on Tolkien’s works, one of my great loves), and have a Master’s Degree in modern literature. I do freelance work and am on the production team for an indigenous festival in Norway. I love and adore mossy old trees and funky rocks. Fungi are cool too.

So what’s the Links Winter AU? It's one of those the-Links-meet AUs, but set in your nearly-local Winter Wonderland. They’re trapped, and magic and technology stop working for most of them. Meanwhile, their family members are called to go on a rescue mission.

What format is it in? It’s a fanfic being published on my Ao3 account! I also sometimes post snippets here, to go with illustrations (snippets posted so far: from Ch. 5), or just stand-alones.

What is it inspired by? Oh boy. Legend of Zelda is the obvious one, but there's so many fanworks that have fed into it since I started concocting this. The most important influence is probably Jojo’s Linked Universe AU.

Originally, my only plan was to put the LU-boys in winter clothes and call it a day, but then I started wondering what it would look like if I added queerness, and the ones closest to them had to go out there as well. 

I also wanted to age the boys up, do more of a family theme, have some cool female characters, and include some healthy relationships between women — both platonic and romantic.

Because of some of the ships (specifically those derived from the FSA Manga), I ended up divorcing the entire concept from LU, though if you look at some of my illustrations and read some of the texts, you may notice that some of the characters still are similar to the LU-boys. Because I started this before I'd familiarised myself with the majority of the LoZ games, I’ve kept the LU-method of distinguishing the characters (both Links and Zeldas).

In the beginning I was all right with this being tagged as LU (as long as Jojo's wishes were respected), but the more I've worked on it, the more I've started to feel like it's its own thing. I'd therefore be very grateful if you used the Links Winter AU tags (see further down) when reblogging or posting about it.

Another inspiration worth mentioning is Meowmix's Linked-verse Journey, specifically Part 18: “BBR - Kids”.

So which characters are important to the story? Well, there's the ten Links (there may or may not be an eleventh waiting for them at the end, but I'm still playing with the idea and reading up on sources, so it's not set in stone), and, as a rule-of-thumb, there's one sibling/friend/lover for each Link — except Legend, who gets a bonus (see info related to Ravio further down) because of the story I want to tell through him.

Anything else that's important to share about the characters and story? Yes. The main story (Out of Time) is currently a Mature work. There will be strong language, there will be intimate scenes (though, as a current rule of thumb, I don't write explicit sexual content), and there will be content warnings highlighted in each chapter (the ones I've noted so far for future chapters are panic attacks, alcoholism, depression, and internalised homophobia). There will, however, be no major or permanent character deaths, and I aim for a happy and satisfactory ending. Hurt/Comfort and Found Family are important themes, and I do enjoy sprinkling in a healthy dose of Angst every once in a while.

The characters have been aged as follows (links to character info added when I complete the character illustration):

The Links: Time (?); Sky (26); Legend (25); Warriors (25); Four + Red, Green, Blue, and Vio (24); Twilight (23); Hyrule (21); Wild (19/119); Wind (18); Spirit (16).

The Families: Sidon (100+); Malon (?); Linkle (28); Sun (26); Ravio (25); Aurora (25); Shadow (24); Ilia (21); Phantom (16); Aryll (13).

There's also an OC, Mitchi (5), in the Family Party. He probably won't have any POV sections, but is around to emphasise the difference between the Links (soldiers/warriors with a mission) and the Families (family-oriented characters working together to help each other). Of course, having a child running around and maybe getting lost can also cause all sorts of issues for the parents, which will be fun to unravel.

How do you portray Four and the Colours? I have a lot of thoughts about these guys, but for for sake of brevity: as separate individuals who are biologically unrelated (due to the elemental magic of the Four Sword).

What about the Links who have mirror characters, like Legend and Ravio? I consider them to be a separate individuals, from different worlds. Yes, this means they are biologically unrelated to each other.

Four and Shadow, then? Also separate individuals, biologically unrelated.

And, finally, what about ships? Boy, do I love ships! If you've been around for a bit, you may know that I've got a number. The ones that will be directly visible in the AU are: Vio/Shadow (Vidow); Red /Blue; Malon/Time (Malink); Ravio/Legend (Ravioli); Sidon/Wild (Sidlink); Sky/Sun (Zelink); and Spirit/Phantom (Zelink).

The more subtle one is: Red/Blue/Green (RGB? Is that the unofficial name?).

The siblings are: Wind and Aryll; and Linkle and Warriors.

Mitchi is Ravio and Legend's son (rumour has it that it took Ravio wanting to adopt Mitchi for Legend to finally admit to having feelings, but Legend will neither deny nor confirm this).

I'm conflicted about what to do with Twilight and Ilia. I think, for the purpose of this AU, I've more or less settled on “mutual crush that drifted apart and turned bitter”, and after refreshing my TP knowledge and reading up on Ilia, I may have fallen a little bit in love with her.

Same goes for Linkle. The general idea is that she and Warriors were both born into a noble family (with Linkle being the eldest by three years, because Warriors being a little brother is a delightful concept, and Linkle being a badass big sister is something I need on a spiritual level).

You can read more about Warriors and Linkle in this ask I answered.

.

So. This is the run-down of a few months of thinking, writing, and drawing. A few post scripts:

This is a safe and respectful space. Ship what you like, headcanon what you like, and be respectful of other people’s differing thoughts, ideas, and opinions. We don’t all have to view a character the same way. The general tag is #links winter au, and the character tags are #liwiau [character name]. (That said, please don’t use these tag for ships that include sibling characters and/or underage characters.)

This is a long-term pet-project. I'm a full-time student, and I'll be looking for a full-time job (in addition to freelancing) to pay rent and bills when the summer holiday comes around. This project is going to take time, and updates are going to be at least one month apart, if not more.

Meanwhile, I'm happy to answer questions anyone might have!

Last updated: 30th August 2022

[nessaxc]

___________________________________

Stress Reliever || Kuroo Tetsurou

You're working so hard one day that you develop a migraine so Kuroo is determined to help relieve it.

~ Rating: Explicit

~ Words: 2.5k

~ Tags: Fluff, Comfort Sex, Lap Sex, Explicit Sexual Content, Shameless Smut, Sexual dialogue, Swearing, Vaginal Sex,

___________________________________

Funny enough the day didn’t start off terrible. In fact, it started off pretty well. You woke up fairly early enough to drag yourself out of bed to do your morning exercises. Even after exercising and getting ready, you still had time to make yourself some coffee, and you were feeling in a positively good mood, though, that quickly went away.

Your professor was nagging you about the extra exercises and apparently you had a deadline for it, so you were swamped with work, and felt like you were being pulled in multiple directions. As such, you completely skipped lunch and barely had time to snack or eat the rest of the day. That was a major mistake and now you were starting to regret it horribly. The coffee stain on your shirt was a grim reminder of how much of a shit day you were having, so you tugged it off later that day to change into a comfortable nightdress.

Your head felt like it was on fire. You tried to focus on your computer screen, but the light of the device hurt your eyes and you shut them, pressing the heels of your palms into closed eyelids. The lack of food and water, plus your stress was starting to cause a migraine to emerge and you foolishly tried to just wish it away. Obviously it didn't seem to work.

Then Kuroo came around when you were working in the living room, wearing a deep red robe, sipping from a cup before he pulled it away from his lips to ask, "You okay, baby?" he walked over, and when he slammed his cup down on the table it made you wince.

"No," you admitted. You pulled your hands away from your face and nearly sobbed as you saw that your computer was now frozen.

You bit back a collection of swears that you wanted so desperately to scream. Instead, you grimly began to work again after everything closed, clicking on a browser to get back started.

"Earth to Y/N!" he waved his hand in front of your face, chuckling in amusement, and you just moved your head to the direction of the screen. The more you went on, the harder it got to concentrate. Your migraine was full on now, and your head was throbbing so much that it made it near impossible to focus on anything. You closed your eyes for a few moments, before you forced yourself to open them as you returned to the exercises you were working on.

"I think you need to relax," he suggested, "you can barely look at the computer screen," he laughed as he mocked the way your eyes were falling closed, his eyes heavily lidded as he slowly blinked them, a dazed look on his face.

"I can't, I have more work to do," you muttered. You appreciated his attempt at showing concern, but you really were too busy to leave now. You didn't even know what time it was, but you constantly told yourself that you weren't going to stop until everything was finished.

He placed a hand on your shoulder, and you fought the urge to look at him as he massaged the curve of it with his fingers.

"Aw don't be such a workaholic," he told you, and you nearly hissed at him, "I think what you need is a break, doctor's orders!" he exclaimed with a chuckle. "C'mon, you don't have anything that can't wait until tomorrow."

"I'm fine," you lied. You were stubborn and hated leaving things unfinished.

"You're not fine, c'mon, now the boss is telling you that you need to stop working," he urged, and you would have laughed because he was speaking in that cute whiny voice you loved had you not been so invested in your work. "I won't take no for an answer," he said with an amused smirk.

"No it's okay," you started, "I can keep going," you said, your voice lacking any sort of conviction. "I have a deadline."

"Well I said you don't, the professor gonna have to wait, last I checked you're supposed to listen to me, not that old fart," he pulled the laptop away from your grasp, and you wanted to argue but the words died in your throat as your head throbbed painfully.

"Tetsurou, I wasn't finished," you said, your voice expressing weak disapproval.

He scooped you up into his arms suddenly, humming away loudly and acting as if he didn't hear you. He carried you all the way to his room, bridal-style, which you couldn't help but giggle at, and he flopped down on the bed, positioning you on the comfortable seat that was his lap. He ran his hand along your arm, stroking the skin there as he eyed you with a suggestive look on his face.

"Migraine?" he asked. He knew you so well. You had the tendency to get migraines when you pushed yourself too much, and you groaned in response.

"You had a tough day huh?" he continued, a pout playing on his lips before he chuckled. "No biggie, I'm here to fix that," he assured, his voice somewhat soothing for once.

"It sucked," you mumbled, leaning into his touch as he stroked both of your arms with his hands, feeling yourself relax a little more. He pulled you closer against his chest, his breath tickling your neck.

"Sorry you had a shit day," he chuckled, his grin widening when you cracked a small smile, tucking a lock of hair behind your ear. "But that's why you always have me to make it extraordinary!" he exclaimed smugly.

"It's fine, I had worse," you admitted, and he continued to laugh at that. You both fell into silence for a few moments. You loved that you could have a horrible day or a shitty migraine, and Kuroo would be there to help make you feel better. You were so comfortable and warm, despite the pounding in your head. But even with that pulsating ache in your head, you found yourself getting lost in the features of his face — those long ebony eyelashes, that single strand of black hair that fell in front of his forehead, the glimmer in his eyes, you drank it all in, and of course he noticed this.

"Like what you see, baby?" he raised both eyebrows inquisitively, his smirk only broadening even more so, entertained by your watchful stare.

"Maybe," you said with a light shrug, acting as if it was nothing.

He slid his hands up to your shoulders, kneading his fingers into them, and the feeling made you shiver slightly. You found yourself craving his touch almost instantly. You were suddenly very aware of his hot skin against yours and his hot breath chasing the skin on your neck.

"You know," he said before leaning in to press kisses upon your neck, "sex actually helps migraines."

As soon as he said the words, you felt him twitch against you. His lips then brushed your shoulder and you could feel his sly smirk.

"Is that so?" you asked, your voice taking a very different tone, that suggested a challenge. His fingers wandered down to the hem of your nightdress in search of the skin underneath.

"Yes, or so I've heard," he teased, making you chuckle in response.

"Make me feel better then," you whispered. You reached for the first button of your nightdress, his eyes widened a little as you worked your way down, and you emitted a soft gasp as you felt him harden against you. You popped the next one open but he quickly became impatient with your pace, he brought his hands back up and tore the dress open, letting the buttons fly about the room in loud pings before tossing it away.

You couldn't help but giggle in response to that because of how eager he was, and he quickly joined your state of laughter. Your hands fumbled to rid of the robe that covered his body, slipping it off in a hurry and allowing it to join your ripped dress on the floor. Your cheeks turned to the color of scarlet upon the sight of his stiff erection pointing up, amazed by how hard he was already.

You shivered when he cupped your breast. His hand was cold, and your nipples were already hard from the chill in the night air, but when he brushed his thumb over the sensitive tip of your breast, you sighed in pleasure. You trailed your cool fingertips down his side to his hip, your breath hitched.

"You're so fucking beautiful," he said under his breath before a chuckle slipped through, then he pressed his lips to yours. When you began to trail your fingers up and down his member, his tongue plunged into your mouth. He cupped your other breast, his thumbs brushing back and forth over your nipples. You inched forward, rubbing the ball of your thumb against the head of his member. When you were almost straddling him, you shifted your weight from your knees to your feet, sliding one arm around his neck to hold your balance as you kept fondling his member, and he nipped at your bottom lip, letting out a low, pleased moan.

"Oh shit," he growled before he added, "you're mine, all mine," he repeated, giving you one last hard kiss, then nuzzling his way down to your neck, and you arched to give him room as he brushed his lips just lightly across the tops of your breasts. You angled your hips, gripping his shoulders as you rubbed the slit of your sex into the hard length of his erection, your clit sliding against the underside of his shaft, and when he suckled against your nipple, you shuddered, making you whimper loudly.

"Mmm, yes," you murmured, closing your eyes as he lashed his tongue back and forth against your nipple, then gently bit the underside of your breast.

"So beautiful, fuck, I love how this perfect body is all mine," he cooed. He moved to the other, stroking your wet nipple as he pressed his other palm into the small of your back, guiding you as you ground against him. He murmured your name against your breast, and closed his teeth around your nipple. Your clit brushed the tip of his member and you moaned, hips trembling a little as you kept rubbing against him in a desperate attempt for some relief.

"Baby, get inside me," you moaned, and he kissed you between your breasts before he straightened. His dark-eyed gaze was intent on yours, watching as you were a complete and utter panting mess against him. He guided you up, angling himself under you, making you lean forward and you caught his earlobe in your mouth hungrily.

"Please, baby, please, oh fuck," you cried, and when he was just barely seated inside you, instantly you tilted forward, the tips of your breasts rubbing against his chest. He pressed the pad of his thumb against your clit, and you trembled as you sank onto his member, working your way down until your hips were flush.

You threw your head back as you thrust into him fervidly, losing yourself in the sensation of him inside you, filling you. When you took his full length and then gently circled your hips, his thumb still working against your clit, you both moaned aloud.

"Mmm. You feel so good," he growled. "Harder, baby," he urged breathlessly.

You adjusted your weight and he tilted back a little, changing the angle just slightly. When you began to bounce up and down on his member, he let out a louder moan, flicking your clit even harder, his other hand coming up to pluck at your breast. You cried out in pleasure when he squeezed your nipple between his forefinger and thumb, then did the same to the other.

"Yeah, babygirl, you're so fucking sexy," he panted hotly upon your moist skin, "so perfect riding my cock like this, oh fuck," he uttered gruffly around a grunt.

"Oh yes, Tetsurou," you sobbed as your inner flesh started to spasm around his member. You rode him harder, faster, seeking the friction your body craved without missing a beat, slamming your hips up and down upon his, frantically bumping into them without a care as your cries bounced off the walls of the room. "Yes, yes yes, baby, it feels so fucking good—"

"Come," he demanded hoarsely as he forcefully pressed down on your clit then slipped the pad of his finger into it with an untamed motion. Your arousal was making you shudder with desperation, and your sobs rose until you were almost screaming as he rocked up under you. Beads of hot sweat formed on his temple, making his hair stick to his warm skin as his body twitched with the sensation of engulfing you completely.

"Fuck, your pussy feels so good, baby," he praised, and your face flushed a deeper red, tipping your head back as your whole body trembled. You lifted your hips up and down as fast as you possibly could because you knew you were about to burst any second. You gripped his shoulders painfully tight for leverage when you finally reached your climax.

"Oh fuck," you mewled, rocking your hips side to side, almost corkscrewing down onto his member, and the wild movements of his finger stilled, groaning as he let himself come. You sank down onto him as he pulsed inside of you, and stayed lock to him, skin to skin, wrapped around each other.

Your head was against his neck as you panted hard upon his skin, eyes fluttering open as he tilted forward, letting both of your bodies fall back upon the soft cushion of his bed once you two shared a moment of simply attempting to get your breathing under control. He reached for the blanket, pulling it up around you two, over your bare shoulders, and then you realized you were shaking as your sweat dried on your skin.

"Mmmm," you murmured against his skin, placing a soft kiss upon his neck in a weak attempt to thank him.

Your migraine was now just a dull throbbing pain, and you felt so relaxed and satisfied that you went limp against his body. He lifted your chin up to make you face him, removing a few strands of hair from your face. He planted a couple of kisses along your shoulder and then your cheek. "So how's my girl feeling now? All better?" he asked with a chuckle, running his other hand down your back, feeling the soft flesh beneath.

"Better, much better," you purred as you stretched your body closer to his touch.

He chuckled, "Glad I could help."

___________________________________

[imgoingtofreakoutnow]

Emptiness of the Heart

Summary: During a trip in New Orleans you meet Elijah and you feel like you've finally found the one... unfortunately his attentions put you in dangerous situations so, to keep you safe, he decides to wipe your mind from all the memories you had with him... but will that be enough to erase him from your heart?

Pairing: Elijah Mikaelson x reader

Prompt: "I wanted to be better than this"

Warnings: descriptions of drowning in the first part, little talk about amnesia (?), pretty angsty

Words: 1.3k

A/n: I wasn't really planning on joining @hellotvshowtrash 's #April2021PromptChallenge but then I made this moodboard, inspiration hit me and here we are! Hope you like it!💞✨

Tags: @elijahs-wife @elijahswife @dumble-daddy @imaginearyparties @raemikaelson @thedumpster-fire

Water.

It was everywhere.

You couldn't see. You couldn't scream. You couldn't breathe. All you could feel was its deadly cold embrace pulling you deeper in its darkness. A voice, muffled and far away from there, whispered in your ear.

"I wanted to be better than this, Y/n. For you. For us..."

Your lungs were aching, begging for air, begging for you to open your mouth and inhale. And the more the pain grew, the less you were able to think, to move, to hold your breath...

"I destroyed everything again, like all the things I've ever touched"

As you closed your eyes, your conscience leaving your frozen body, you opened your mouth. The cold water became fire sliding down your throat and filling your lungs.

"Forgive me, my love"

You woke up in a mess of hair and covers sticking to your sweaty skin. Coughing and clutching your drumming heart you breathed deeply, welcoming every ounce of oxygen down your lungs. Even though it wasn't real, a phantom pain lingered in your chest to remind you the nightmare you had just escaped.

And behind the fright, behind the invisible pain searing your lungs, there was that senseless feeling of emptiness, of a missing piece that you never had, of a touch that was never yours. Of someone you had forgotten.

Moving your hair from your face, a warm light caressed your skin and your eye. Turning to your window, you noticed a pink sky through the blinds. With a sigh, you stood from your bed with a rustling sound as all the covers fell on the floor, cold as ice under your bare feet.

"I need a shower..."

—

"You need to sleep more, Y/n"

In the chaotic enviroment of the cafe, you gave a quick glance at your mother. Sat at the opposite side of the table, she was menacingly pointing a teaspoon to your face. "The bags under your eyes are darker than your coffee"

"I do sleep, mom" you sighed, rolling your eyes. "It's not my fault if I can't sleep more than four hours per night" you added, taking a sip of coffee. Its bitter taste, however strong, was still not enough to completely shake you from your sleepiness.

"But you never had problems sleeping!" she exclaimed, adding the fifth sugar cube in her tea. You looked at that wincing.

"I think there's enough sugar in that tea" you commented, moving out of her reach the sugar bowl, but she didn't even seem to notice as she kept talking.

"It all started after that trip to New Orleans..." She looked up from her cup and fixed her eyes in yours, her spoon clinking as it hit the light porcelain. "Are you sure that nothing happened while you were there?"

You wanted to genuinely answer that question, you truly did. However all your memories linked to that trip were terribly blurred, as they belonged to a fever dream. Sometimes glimpses of those days came to your mind: the music of a club, lights, the smell of the docks, a strange and welcoming warmth... but there was no clear connection between them.

"No, mom. Nothing" you assured her once again. The last thing she needed was to add amnesia to the many problems you had.

As your gaze wandered around in the cafe, it stopped on the clock hanged on the wall. Half past eight. "I have to go now" you said, drinking the last drop of caffeine left in your mug. "Work starts in thirty minutes and the boss isn't kind to those who arrive late" you explained, searching in your pockets enough money to pay for the drinks.

"Of course" your mother nodded without moving her gaze from her tea. A smile appeared on her face but didn't reach her eyes, lost in the cold liquid left in the cup in front of her.

"Mom." She finally raised her gaze and you smiled. "Thank you for worrying but I'm okay." You moved next to her and left a kiss on her cheek. "I can take care of myself"

"I know, dear" she said, caressing gently your cheek. "Just remember that I'm here if you ever need me"

With one last thankful smile you left her at the table. Avoiding customers and waiters, you dared to check your phone only after the doors of the cafe closed behind you. Not even three steps later, you bumped your shoulder into someone leaning against the wall just outside the shop.

"I'm terribly so–" you didn't finish. You couldn't. Your breath was stuck in your throat, your voice lost somewhere in between your lungs and your tongue, as you watched the man staring back at you with wide eyes.

His coat, his tie, his dark hair felt familiar. He felt familiar; as it was the smell of rainy days in New York, or the melody of your favourite song, or the warmth radiating from a candle. There was a strange pull that drew you towards him and you suddenly felt the need to touch him, to make sure he was standing right in front of you.

"There's no need to apologise". His voice was deep and somehow melodic, but it had a raw note in it, like the blow of a stormy wind through a forest. "I shouldn't have been here in the first place; if you'll excuse me..."

Confused by the irrational feelings that made your skin itch, you moved just enough to let him walk away. You followed him with your gaze but you soon realized that the further he went away, the heavier your heart weighed in your chest.

"Wait!" you shouted, running after him. The surprise was evident on his face when he turned again towards you. "Do you– have we ever met before?"

"I don't think so. I don't live here"

"Maybe somewhere else... New Orleans, perhaps?"

Since you came back from the southern city, you felt like you had been forcefully put in a state of numbness from which there was no way of getting out on your own. Like being drowned in cold, still, infinite water.

Now your blood was finally rushing again in your veins like tides crashing on sand, your heart beating faster than it ever did filling your ears with its rhythm. You were alive again, and all of this because of a stranger that felt like home.

It just couldn't be a coincidence, it could–

"I'm sorry to disappoint but I haven't been there in years, you must've confused me with someone else"

As quickly as it rocketed, your excitement fell, making you spiral back in that numbness, almost like you had never left it.

"You're probably right" you muttered, lowering your gaze and taking a few steps back. "My apologies"

You turned your back to him, quickly putting as much space as you could between you and whatever memory that man awakened. Because, even if you didn't know who he reminded you of —or if this person ever existed— the tears pricking your eyes were real. And they were cold on your skin. And on your heart.

—

The man watched the girl walk away. Even from a distance, he noticed her hand move to her face to wipe her tears. A gesture he had seen too many times to be mistaken.

He took a deep breath when she disappeared around the corner. That was the last time he was going to see her.

Elijah turned around, jaw clenched as his heart turned cold dead again in his chest.

At least she's safe now.

For the first time, that thought didn't make the separation any easier...

[rainofaugustsith]

Blogger Interview

Thank you so much to @cinlat and @jeswii for tagging me in this - I am sorry it took so long to do, but it was fun! Tagging, let's see, @verbose-vespertine @tishinada @itstheelvenjedi NO PRESSURE.

Why did you choose your url?

It's from my Ao3 account name which was made first. August - I actually don't remember why. Rain - well, I like the rain and I could not think of anything else. For Tumblr I added Sith at the end because my main is an Old Republic Sith (not to be confused with a post-Darth Bane Sith) and because 'rainofaugust' was actually taken.

Any sideblogs?

I have Rain Plays SWTOR, which is a player guide to the Star Wars: The Old Republic game I played for years. I wanted to make a guide that would explain some of the things I found confusing when I first played, give some helpful tips, and break down content to make it more playable for people. I especially liked concentrating on parts of the game that were considered group content and showing solo players how to get through it.

I stopped playing SWTOR when 7.0 hit, although to be honest I'd been, overall, unhappy with the story since the end of KOTFE. Having said that I've left the sideblog up because a lot of what I wrote might still help those playing the game.

How long have you been on tumblr?

Since 2017.

Why did you originally start your blog?

I started it because I noticed there were a lot of sapphic/wlw fans of Star Wars here, and one doesn't really find that elsewhere too much.

Why did you choose your icon?

It's artwork that was made by the wonderful of my main, Viri. It's such a lovely picture of her, and I thought it was perfect for an icon.

Why did you choose your header?

It's from my favorite part of my favorite flashpoint in SWTOR - A Traitor Among the Chiss. It's a little too long, and when it was released it was far too tedious, but aside from that I feel that the Copero flashpoint represents everything SWTOR could have been. It's got absolutely beautiful, detailed design that you could spend hours exploring - a city with little alleys you can explore; stunning scenery; a flashpoint that includes puzzles and not just 'destroy it all' gameplay; really good decorations and armor as drops; and even a transition from day to night. This scene is toward the end, where the PC ascends a staircase in some ancient ruins at twilight. It's such a beautiful backdrop that I always stopped to admire it during the flashpoint.

What is your post with the most notes?

There's one with like 10K notes, and it's about Diana Serra Cary, who was the last surviving silent film star. I wrote it few days after she died. That one still shows up in my reblogs now and then. There's another where I was talking about cultural appropriation of Jewish ritual items and the Hebrew alphabet in various media that has a few thousand reblogs.

How many mutuals do you have?

I actually don't know.

How many followers do you have?

Right now 329 I think?

How many blogs do you follow?

211.

Have you ever made a shitpost?

Not intentionally.

How many times do you use tumblr a day?

I more or less have it open in the background for messages and such, even if I'm not actively on the site.

Have you ever fought another blog?

Not really. A few of the fandom sheriffs and Lana Hate Club sorts have tried to start drama with me in the past, and in general my policy has been to block and add their names to my Tumblr filters immediately without engaging, or with a general warning. I don't owe them a debate, it's not really worth my time and attention to respond, and I'm not interested in the drama. I also am pretty proactive about blocking if I see someone being hateful on someone else's posts/relogs/comments because I don't need that nonsense here. If you want to act like a clown do it on your own time, not mine.

How do you feel about “need to reblog” posts?

It's a surefire way to get me not to reblog it. I'm not a fan of that sort of manipulation.

Do you like tag games?

I do, although I'm always anxious about tagging others. Like, is someone going to feel left out or not want the tag or…yeah.

Do you like ask games?

Yes, with the same caveat as above.

Which of your mutuals do you think are tumblr famous?

See this is one of those questions that I feel like I can't answer because again, will someone feel left out or not want to be mentioned, or what. I have some artists and writers on my mutuals list who are scary talented at what they do, and some have more recognition/followers than others - but for all of them, I really love it when their work pops up on my dash.

Do you have a crush on a mutual?

I'm demisexual. Crushes aren't really a thing. I've met some awesome friends here, though.

[tinyboxxtink]

"Not My Yacht" *Chapter 1?*

So this is interesting:

So "Not My Yacht" was my very first fic. Like, I'm talking VERY VERY first.

So when I started asking around about ideas for a new series, a few of my lovelies went through my one shots and this story and "Doodling" got some good votes.

So, I decided to include the one shot and just added to it for a POTENTIAL new series. We'll see how this chapter goes over.

Also I'll be including Rita Calhoun in this for the FIRST time ever, so I may need assistance from @storiesofsvu to get her voice right. I did my best here. I'll be honest I've never really watched her, just that one where that guy blackmailed her or something.

Also Also, if it wasn't obvious enough this is obviously the beginning of the SVU episode "Her Negations".

I don't want to give anything away because I haven't even really thought that far, but I'm 95% sure this is going to turn in a William Lewis situation fic. So...pretty dark. I'm just warning you NOW.

Tag List

@madamsnape921

@lolliepopsicle

@chasingeverybreakingwave

@milkshqke

@wanniiieeee

@word-scribbless

@gibbs274

@sassyada

@aprildecker-blog

@bookishfanfic

@stars-in-the-skies-world

@stars-trash-18

@omgsuperstarg

@objection-argumentative

And yes, the results are in. There is a part 2!

You breathed in the salty air of the sea of the sunny South Hampton shore; It was a beautiful day for a yacht party.

You walked along the pier as you got closer to your boss’s boat: The Crime Wave. Her husband’s idea of a funny name she claimed as she had invited people from the office to this soiree. You were lucky to even get an invite, just being the assistant to the owner of the law firm. “Who else is going to help me dodge boring conversations with men who just wanted a "free ride” on the bosses boat?“ She had teased you; or at least you hoped she was kidding.

You really wanted to just relax and mingle among the elite lawyers of NYC, seeing as you wanted to be one of them someday.

You saw your boss, Rita Calhoun waving you down as you reached the dock space.

"Ah! There you are, for a minute I thought I’d have to mix my own drinks!” She laughed with a wink. You laugh nervously, unable to discern if she was kidding.

“Calm down sweetie, I’m a big girl. Besides, I like to make them myself, strong,” she laughed again, patting your shoulder. Crap had your face looked that panicked? Keep it cool!

“Go ahead, enjoy yourself. I’ll be here, making sure none of those damn punks tries to sneak on here for free booze,” she scoffed, nodding to a group of highly dressed teens playing chicken on the shoreline.

You nodded with a half laugh, stepping onto the yacht. It was a decent size, a second level deck and a very spacious main level. Not a lot of people had arrived yet, so you decided to pick a spot on the yachts back bench area before all the seating was taken. You began removing your over clothes revealing your swimming wear when you hear Rita greet someone else.

“Ah, Barba. You know we have flare guns on board,”

You turn to see the ADA of New York, Rafael Barba. He’s dressed in a windbreaker and what could be either a dark red or salmon polo. You realize Mrs. Calhoun is referring to the almost neon yellow color of the windbreaker, and you can’t help but giggle. It must have been way too loud because they both turn to you which caused you to immediately shut up and go back to undressing and laying out your towel, but ever so slightly still honed in on the conversation.

“You can never be too careful Rita, who knows how many enemies I’ve made in this town; someone might throw me over,” he smirked.

“And anyone here could make it look like a very convincing accident….even my aspiring protege over there,” Rita nods over to you, knowing full well what you were doing.

Barba turned and looked at you, your body frozen in mid towel thrust. You didn’t know whether to throw it over yourself or just run off the boat right there.

“I know it’s an awful jacket dear, you don’t have to keep staring at him.” She called over to you. God why did she have to be so….her.

“Jesus Rita give the girl a break, or did you invite her just to torture her on unbillable hours?” Barba scoffed with a half smile, walking over to you.

“Is it really worth the minimum wage to put up with her?” He asked.

“Mmm…it’s more for the experience, honestly.” You replied surprisingly smoothly.

“Oh….well I mean I could give you the experience without–” He started but was interrupted by your boss’s loud exclaiming.

“Yeah I’ll BET you’d give her experience Barba! Stop hitting on my intern and mingle with the adults.”

If you could dig a hole straight through the boat into the ocean you would do it right then and there.

“…..Without THAT.” He rolled his eyes, lightly flipping her the bird behind his back. You see her respond with a laugh then turns her attention back to the guests boarding.

“She’s probably been drinking since she got on the boat, yeah?” He asked you.

“I…I don’t know I just got here….” You managed to squeak out as your towel strayed from your hands. Barba grabbed it and helped you reposition it on the bench.

“Kinda windy for a yacht party, but Rita will take any chance to celebrate anything remotely resembling a boost to her ego. Am I right?” He chuckled, before sitting down on your towel.

“Just to keep it from blowing away, do you mind?” He asked, gesturing for you to join him. You nodded a boisterous “NO”, plopping next to him on the bench.

“I’m Rafael Barba,” he extended his hand to you, which you took and shook gently, praying to God he didn’t notice you were literally shaking. You had probably had the biggest crush on him since you started working with Mrs. Calhoun, he was constantly in her office challenging her with warrants and favors.

“Oh yeah I know,” you blurted out, mentally facepalming immediately.

“I see….” He raised an eyebrow. “And you are….?”

You were about to answer when his phone went off. He answered it putting one finger up and mouthing the words “one second.”

“Barba. Yeah….what? Seriously, Olivia? On a Sunday?!” He groaned into his phone with an exaggerated eye roll. He raised his hand and ran it over his face begrudgingly as he talked.

“Yeah….alright, fine. Yeah I’ll be there, give me an hour. I’m in the Hamptons. Because it’s my day off, Liv! Do you think I lock myself in my office over the weekends like a vampire in a coffin? Yeah…I’m sorry, I just…” He glanced at you.

“I was enjoying my Sunday.” He gave you a small sad smile.

“Yeah. Ok. See you soon.” He hung up the phone with an exasperated sigh.

“I’m sorry, I gotta go back to the city. Don’t let Rita push you around too much, okay?” He chuckled, rubbing the top of your head like a puppy. You felt your face scrunch up in annoyance, seriously? He thought of you as a kid?!

He obviously noticed, and quickly held out his hand again very sternly.

“Sorry, future counselor.” He said in an overly serious tone, and you couldn’t stop yourself from giggling. Again. Like an idiot.

Relieved he had fixed his faux paux, he gave you one last beautiful Barba grin as he jogged over to Rita and told her something before nodding to you once again, then walked off the boat and disappearing down the pier.

Your boss sauntered over to you, a shit eating grin across her face.

“Well Cinderella, you sure kept that cool.” She gestured for your phone beside you.

“Be sure to tell him your name this time,” she winked, handing it back to you. You glanced down at it as she walked away; she had added a number to your contacts.

“BHole Barba.” You laughed out loud. Nice. Maybe she wasn’t such a horrible boss after all….

--------------

By Monday you still hadn’t had the balls to text Rafael Barba. You had just stared at the number in your phone, imagining all the possibilities contacting him would lead to. You may have gotten so far as planning your summer wedding in the Hamptons, but nobody needed to know that.

But you had chickened out and left it alone, and now you were sitting at your desk typing up a memo for Rita when you saw him come waltzing through the door.

“Ah, Cinderella!” He smiled at you.

“Hey…” Your mind went blank, you couldn’t think of words. Wait, had he already given you a nickname?

“Cinderella?” You blinked in confusion.

“Well I never caught your name-- But I guess I shouldn’t even push it, you’ve clearly moved on and I must seem like a creep,” His train of thought proceeded out loud as he realized you hadn’t taken his number and here he was still flirting with you. Rita had given it to you, he had seen her type it in your phone. Obviously you weren’t interested, why was he pushing this?

“What? NO!” You said a little louder than you intended, actually a lot louder than you intended. You slapped your hand over your mouth after your little outburst, but to you relief he was still smiling.

“Oh? Well I suppose that’s good…” He was obviously fishing for your excuse as to why you had waited until he popped back in your face to talk to him.

“No, I um--” You racked your brain for an excuse that wasn’t “I was busy planning our lives together”.

“I….couldn’t think of something interesting to say,” You finally admitted with a pitiful sigh. You were not a good liar, and under pressure, forget about it.

Again, he still smiled-- but this time he laughed along with it.

“I mean, ‘Hello’ is always an option,” He chuckled. “Or...your name?”

“Oh!” Idiot. You hadn’t even given him your name, how was he supposed to fall madly in love with you without a name?

“Y/N,” You stuck your hand out awkwardly, Was this a ‘shake hands’ moment? Hadn’t you already met before? You stared at your hand as you moved it slightly back and forth, arguing with yourself whether or not this was necessary. Luckily, Rafael settled the argument by taking your hand and shaking it firmly.

His hands were so soft, his long fingers enveloped yours in them. You lost yourself in the moment, and before you knew it he was making an uncomfortable cough, snapping you back to reality. You dropped his hand and snapped yours back into your body like a zip cord, your face in a horrified stare.

“Oh God, I’m so sorry, that was so weird. I’m weird. I’m--”

“Well I don’t know what you were so worried about Cinderella, you’re clearly a chatterbox,” He gave you a tongued smile, referring to the word vomit you just couldn’t help spill all over him.

“Oh yeah, I’m a total word machine,” You laughed nervously. A word machine? What the fuck was that?

“...Word machine. Right,” He nodded in amusement. “Well word machine, would you mind shooting some words to my phone, or do you just enjoy this face to face thing?”

“With that face? Definitely the latter. But you can have my number anyway,” You typed a quick message and sent it to his number. Damn that was smooth! How did you do that?

Rafael made an impressed face with your line, but when he opened his phone his brows furrowed.

“Hit?” He gave you a curious look as he read the text out loud.

“Fuck it was supposed to be ‘hi’-- stupid autocorrect,” You muttered angrily. Yeah, that was more like you.

“Oh yes, the dreaded autocorrect,” He nodded while saving your number. “Turning fucks into ducks since 2011,”

“Oh I didn’t have a phone in 7th grade but I’ll take your word for it,” You laughed, but stopped when his face twisted into a mix of horror and discomfort when he realized how young you actually were.

Dammit. Why...why would you do this?

“....Right, is Rita in?” He quickly shoved his phone back in his pocket and headed into Rita’s office before you could answer.

“...Idiot!” You yelled at yourself as your hands went over your face and your face planted into your desk.

Well, that was nice while it lasted. All 2.5 seconds of it.

-----------------

“Well Barba, about time,” Rita smirked as Rafael abruptly burst into her office trying to get away from you. “Done flirting with the intern are we?”

“Shut up,” He rolled his eyes, though his face was a deep shade of red.

“Oh no, what happened? Did your dentures fall out in front of her?” She smirked.

“I’m younger than you!!” He scoffed.

“Yeah but I’m not the one trying to boff a 25 year old,” She smirked harder, making Rafael angrier.

“Can I just get the warrant I came here for, Rita?” He huffed.

“Oooh, struck a nerve there, did I?” Rita chuckled as she grabbed some papers from her desk and started to hand them to him. “Barba, for the record I’m really not judging you. If I were 20 years younger, I’d hit it too,”

“Excuse me?”

“I had a lot of ‘cats’ in college,” She winked.

“Wow,” Rafael held up his hands. “Rita, we really don’t need to be that personal.”

“Fine, but all I’m saying is if you like the girl, don’t let a stupid thing like age deter you. Don’t tell her I said this, but she’s actually very competent and organized. I would almost prefer her not to graduate, unless she'd come work for me. She’s going to be a hell of a lawyer,” She gestured outside to your desk.

Rafael looked at the ground as he mulled over what she was saying, a small smile crawled across his lips as she complimented your potential.

“I’ll take that under advisement, Mrs. Calhoun,” He nodded as he walked towards the door with the papers in his hand, a huge smile across his face now.

He walked out to find you cursing at yourself and whimpering in embarrassment at your desk. When you heard the door shut you snapped to attention and stared at him, shocked he hadn't sprinted out of the office like Usain Bolt. Even more shocking was that Cheshire cat grin now upon his face.

“I-I’m sorry, I totally meant I was--” You tried doing math trying to make yourself reasonably older.

“It’s fine,” He chuckled as he put a hand over your counting fingers. You blushed at the touch of his skin on yours again, but quickly shoved your hands under the desk nervously as you tried not to look him square in the eye. His eyes were so gorgeous you were positive staring straight into them would actually get you pregnant.

“So does Rita ever unchain you from this desk?” He smirked as he was now very aware and very amused at how nervous he made you. He may be old, but clearly he’s still got it.

“Oh yeah, if I ask very nicely she let’s me--” You tried to think of something witty, but it wasn’t coming with him staring at you with those eyes. “....Yes,” You wanted to put your hands over your face but you didn’t want it to be a ‘thing’.

“Well, maybe if you’re an extra good girl she’ll let you off your leash early tonight,” He winked.

“....Am I a dog or a toddler in that situation?” You were genuinely asking, but Rafael clearly realized how insulting that must have seemed.

“Oh no no no, I just, shit,” He tried to backtrack but if he was being totally honest, you made him nervous. Maybe he didn’t have ‘it’ as much as he thought.

You noticed he was the one blushing now, oh my god were you making him nervous? QUICK, BE SMOOTH. BE SMOOTHER THAN YOU’VE EVER BEEN IN YOUR LIFE.

“Are you asking me out, counselor?” You did your best “sultry “voice with a bat of your eyes. Were you batting them too much? What was too much? Oh god you’ve done it for too long now. STOP BATTING.

“...I don’t know, guess you’ll have to wait for me to text you, future counselor,” He was impressed by the line, and decided to bow out before either of you made idiots of yourselves again. He gave you a wink and sauntered out of the office.

Great. Now he’ll probably make you wait two days for a--

*BEEP*

Your phone went off in your desk. You pulled it out to see a text message:

BHOLE BARBA: Dinner? Tonight?

You really needed to change his contact name. But that wasn’t the point right now. He just asked you out. Rafael Barba just asked you out. You stared at in your hands, unsure of what to do. Then you realized you couldn’t do this again, you couldn’t just sit there and imagine things, this required an immediate response.

You nervously typed a reply and hit SEND:

Sire ;)

“DAMMIT!!!” You cursed your autocorrect. You instantly sent another text.

Sure***

Before you could lecture yourself again, your phone beeped again:

BHOLE BARBA: Play

Play? What did that--

BHOLE: Okay** ;)

You typed the word ‘okay’ into your text reply bubble, ‘play’ came up in the autocorrect word list.

He was joking with you. He was flirting with you. RAFAEL BARBA WAS FLIRTING WITH YOU.

This work day could not end fast enough.