#because i've been really careful to interconnect them

[beth-is-rainpaint]

Today’s fic-writing-adjacent activities: scrutinizing Fitzsimmons’ outfits at the end of season 6 so that I can figure out how many days go by between 6x09 and 6x13

[utilitycaster]

On the heels of your critique of C3's pacing and the sludginess of it all—something I have been contemplating lately is how the perceived need (certainly ICly and seemingly OOCly) for BH to move at a breakneck speed from event to event has had an effect on inter-party discussions and bonding that I find really pretty tragic. I can't help but wonder, would we be dealing with the indecision and rehashed circular debates we're seeing now if the party had been able to take the downtime they needed to really get to know themselves and each other, and to better define what's important to them? I often see people expressing frustration about how badly certain characters "need to TALK to each other!!!" but to date, I just don't know if the pace of the campaign has created many opportunities for that. And that's the thing I miss the most about the previous campaigns, just having more breathing room to let the characters and their relationships develop organically. I dunno. Increasingly I feel like these are interconnected issues.

I think I've talked about this before so I don't want to get too in the weeds but: yes. I think at this point Matt is like...making space deliberately for them to talk in-game, but at this point the party has spent so long not really talking and we're so late in the game that no one really takes him up on it or when they do it's the old Gods Debate again.

I really think the problem is once again what I've been saying for like, well over a year now. I don't think the cast was given as much direction as they were for campaign 2, nor was the campaign deliberately tailored to this party, so it has always been ill-fitting. Even some of the pre-planned elements have fallen flat (I have innumerable reservations about the Laudna book, but I do want to read it if only because I still could tell you basically nothing about her and Imogen's time together pre-campaign - it's one incident in Gelvaan, helping Zhudanna one time in Jrusar which wasn't even pre-planned but rather their "session zero", and apparently they saw someone with boob tassels one time). Things like Ashton and Imogen's relationships with the gods feel tacked on after Taliesin and Laura realized that having some sort of pre-existing opinion on the gods was in fact deeply relevant to this campaign; I do genuinely want an answer from both of them of whether "I had prayed to the gods and they never answered" existed in their backstories more than 5 minutes before it came up in game because I'd bet good money it was "no, I threw that in on the fly." So you have characters that are a little more broadly sketched, which would normally be fine (I mean, I don't think most of Vox Machina in the original birthday party one-shot had a terribly deep backstory to start), except for the fact that they never had to take watch, they had a patron giving them jobs and a generous stipend from the start of episode 2 until his demise in episode 38, and both Imogen and Laudna; and FCG and Ashton already had apartments in the city so no one needed to bunk up with anyone they didn't already know. The party did not need to take watches; they did not need to decide on a direction; and they didn't have to learn to resolve conflicts and make choices as a collective group. And yes, the pace has been pretty breakneck throughout, so there wasn't space early on for the cast to feel out their characters and what motivated them and how they'd act. I think the first time I saw a large number of people in the fandom going "MAKE A FUCKING DECISION ALREADY I DON'T CARE WHICH ONE" was with the party doing a similar endless handwringing about Dusk in episode 29, and I don't think they've really gotten better. Like, I do think episode 29 is already on the late side anyway, even for a long-running campaign with a lot of wiggle-room; for a long-running campaign with some very specific plot beats planned, this really needed to be done in character creation.

So now that there is more room to debrief and talk, because in-character they're still on a deadline and the world's been ending all campaign, and because that groundwork wasn't laid, they don't talk about anything except the task at hand. Like...I think a defense I've seen of this campaign is that it's about a group of people who really aren't suited for what has been laid before them, but the problem is that's kind of every D&D campaign that starts from a low level and this is a particularly weak example thereof. Vox Machina didn't show up ready to kill dragons nor Vecna, and the Mighty Nein are still Wildemount's best kept secret; both of them grew into their current hypercompetence. Bells Hells don't really belong to their story, nor does it to them, so yeah, hard to talk within that framework.

[annah-kitathryne]

Why do I ship TimSteph?

Because they fundamentally changed the other for better and worse they are so interconnected that to write one or the other out of their stories would be to get rid of a huge chunk of their lives and the choices they made and the people they started to grow into being.

They are the on again off again but still care deeply even if they can be a bit misguided about it pairing.

I don't see them as an endgame but they are the comfort that they keep coming back too. If there has been one ship that has always been present even as I've gotten older and read more stories and matured it's TimSteph. They work as friends, the work as lovers, they work as reluctant co-workers, they work as too complicated for simple labels.

They were the messy teen relationship. Jelousy heartbreak and betrayal but loyal caring and so in love.

It wasn't the right time, it was the perfect time, there wasn't enough time, there was just enough, there will always be yesterday, there is a possible tommarow, they are consistent, they are a stop and start. They care for one another even when they don't really want to.

They were toxic but young, growing as people and heroes.

They exist in a way that they orbit the other.

I love a lot of Tim and Stephs other potential (and real) love interests but there is something about the way that they were teens being teens, heroes being heroes but taking on responsibilities and tasks that shouldn't be considered for kids. They grew up too early but never fast enough still immature and young making all the wrong choices. Sure in their beliefs and ways but still meeting enough to fall in love and stay in love even when it hurts.

Both of them have lost the other to death (but not really). Steph's death was faked so she could escape Gotham, but she came back again. Tim's death was faked, so he could be held hostage and he came back again. They have lost the other and yet come back again because even in the face of death and heartache, they can't let go. Only one of those times sid they got a proper goodbye. Both enacted dangerous plans. One went horrible wrong, and one went horribly right. Two sides of a similar coin in that way.

They are two kids who despite being heroes still hang out in a playground, they are two teens who make life changing decisions before they fully know what they even want to do, they are sitting on a couch at the end of the world with old wounds that hurt and ache but still find a way to hold the other.

They have seen the other change in ways that were both good and bad. They have seen the fallout of the other in real time. They are separate with their own growth and maturing but connected in past present and catalyst to change.

You can't discuss Tim as a whole without discussing Steph. You can't discuss Steph as a whole without discussing Tim. They impacted the others life so much that you have to ask, "Who is Stephanie Brown?" "Who is Tim Drake?"

[mrhaitch]

Living in London, I feel like a lot of incidents are isolated attacks that you dont hear about as opposed to organised riots. Whilst there have been some riots in the more conservative areas (like Walthamstow and Chingford) and more towards Central, in East London especially, I've experienced and heard of isolated anti-immigrant/muslim 'attacks' where it's one or two people that are perpetrators.

East London is the MOST multicultural place you'll find, but my dad's car was kicked in by some white guys literally two days ago. Thank God he was already in the car and was able to drive off, but I've found that it's mostly incidents like these.

In Whitechapel, which is literally full to the brim with Muslims, a young girls hijab was ripped off a month or two ago. Whilst I don't live in Whitechapel, me and my mum have been called nasty names to the point where my mum didn't feel like it was safe wearing her face veil anymore. Islamic private schools have been subjected to attacks as well and generally havent been perceived well, but this is nothing new. It's been happening for years, but you don't really hear about them because it's isolated incidents. I only know because I've been in those spaces and environments and have experienced it personally.

Loads of my friends don't feel like it's safe to go out being women because of the new wave of anti-muslim/poc sentiment and people mainly targeting women. Again, whilst this is nothing new from my experience of being born and raised in London, the anti-muslim/immigrant sentiment has only grown, and certain individuals are feeling braver because of the nationwide riots.

But there's a sense of community in London because of its multiculturalism that other places up North and around the UK don't have. Where you have some people committing hate crimes, you have others that are staunchly outspoken against it and that are really supportive, which I'm forever grateful for. My neighbours are absolutely wonderful, and I know that I'm completely safe with them, I know that if anything was to happen, I'd have people supporting me.

Its weird though because London is one of those places where you'll find there are extremely wealthy areas right next to some of the most destitute places, driving through Bow Road/Mile End Road/Whitechapel Road to Aldgate is a perfect example of that, you can see where it immediately changes and switches up. Same with Hackney and Shoreditch, you walk for 5-10 minutes, and it's like you've entered a whole new realm, likewise with Canary Wharf. It's kind of dystopian, tbh and literally, all the new buildings being built are high-rise 2/3 bedroom flats that obviously aren't for families.

It's like the with the new architecture too is trying to push families out. Alongside the serious underfunding of government facilities like public libraries and gyms. Over the past couple of years, dozens of libraries across have been closed, and public gyms have been sold off to private organisations. Youth facilities are horrendous, too. I've gone completely off on a tangent here, and I do apologise. But I just think it's so crazy that London has some of the poorest areas in the whole UK with poverty being at 25% I think (correct me if I'm wrong) just after the North and West Midlands which is around 28%.

I really shouldn't complain because I know in London we are so fortunate to have such an interconnected train/tube system and that our health care and schools are much more funded than those outside of London. But with more business and wealthier people coming in, the costs in London are increasing so much more disproportionately to wages.

My mum works in the NHS, and what the government did is before increasing the London living wage, they increased the NHS staff wages by 5%, compared to the London living wage by 10%. The NHS HCAS didn't increase, however, and stayed the same. On top of that, NHS staff are subjected to higher national insurances. I think it's just ridiculous. Anyways, I apologise for the long and rambling ask, and I totally lost focus. I hope you have an amazing day, and there's no pressure to answer this whatsoever <33

Nothing further to add here, as I'm not that familiar with London - call it a northerner's suspicion - but will definitely provide further insight to people less familiar with the UK.

[huntingteeth]

author headcanons for i know how we got here (give in again) that don't spoil the fic but and might be fun to know

(seriously, go read the fic, which is mostly completed except for an epilogue before you read anything in this post l m a o)

part 1, aka chapters 1-5

chapter 1

did i ever mention that i started writing this fic because iii resonates with me as a Tall Who Looms? and honestly i've had issues in the past with multi-chaptered fic where either i a) lose interest in the fandom or b) get weirded out by demanding readers (y'all have been lovely, no notes), so i really wasn't expecting this fic to be as long as it ended up being. that's not an author headcanon, that's just some context about me as a person lol

i really wanted to introduce iii as someone who felt bright entering iv's life at that moment. all the sensory descriptors prior to them meeting in the coffee shop are supposed to feel invasive and uncomfortable, and then they meet and iv's environment starts to brighten.

when iv asks, "who the fuck are you?" this was initially going to transition into a scene where iv accused iii of being someone that marc sent to mess with him more but i'm really glad i ended up swiveling away from that perspective

there's a universe where iv tells iii no. there's a universe where iv lets iii take him somewhere safe, but it isn't with them. i'm really glad i'm writing in this universe haha

vessel being introduced as ves to iv was a conscious decision to illustrate the distance between iv and the group.

my author note on that chapter stands, it is WILD to use epithets for a character for an entire chapter. the redacted name does not exist, i just copied and pasted the black box into something vaguely name-shaped.

iii is intentionally coded as having adhd. i think adhd lines up really well with this sort of prophet/seer archetype that he has in this story. i've always enjoyed stories where that sort of archetype has Kind of a Bad Time. no i don't care to examine that fact

chapter 2

this entire first section of the fic up to 'he'll be happy to see you' is to really cement the idea that sleep is so far removed from the concept of humans that it can't conceptualize what humans actually are. sleep's an eldritch deity.

there's a really sketchy aspect of starting a soul bond with someone they've just met even if it's the only loophole out of a previous spell. i tried to be very transparent about that fact and intentional with how vessel, ii, and iii feel guilty about it but still allow iv the dignity of his choice, even if it's not really an active choice he can consent to. but it's incredibly sketchy!! we all know it!!

i think it kind of feels like a plot hole that iii remembers more of the dreams than iv does, but the reason for that is that iii is directly connected with a god who encouraged that connection between iii and iv, and iv hasn't practiced magic in so long that he's kind of lost that connection to magic that would have boosted his ability to reach out in dreams. i don't know that i conveyed that properly in the beginning of the story lol

here's a direct quote from the outline for this fic about what vessel does to marc's spell work: "vessel changes the spell that boyfriend cast because it's still active (for some weird reason) so that iv's soul will go to sleep instead of any ol' random deity that's lurking around." it's still active because the weird reason is that iv disappeared/banished marc before he could complete the ritual.

i s2g i read somewhere that a bard ability is to do like an inspiring snack, but i can't find the source so maybe i made it up. ANYWAY vessel feeding them here is the first reference to him essentially being a bard lol.

chapter 3

my initial thought for the dreams that iv had in the fic were that they were going to all be interconnected and slowly reveal exactly what happened when marc tried to kill iv before the story. so everything from "he gets home in the evening." to "what are you doing?" is real events and most everything else is dream.

there's a larger theme about iv's living room versus the living room at the boys' house that i tried to tie into this fic, lmao. your high school english teachers are weeping. iv's living room is supposed to indicate isolation while the boys' living room is supposed to indicate community.

III peers at him nervously. “Is this going somewhere or is this the end of the thought?” this line is a reference to every fic where sleep makes them forget their past lives. i see you, i love you, i hope you clocked the idea that in this universe that IS something sleep COULD do.

it was very important to me to establish that vessel, ii, and iii had a support system in place to contrast how alone iv was at the start of the story.

a part of the magic lore that i don't think i ever really expand explicitly on in this fic is that magic is very communal and universal. so even if you don't do magic, you're still surrounded by magic. at the coffee shop, the door frame was covered in protection charms -- this wouldn't necessarily be just the owners of the shop placing the protection charms, although they certainly would have started it. anyone who liked the coffee shop or felt protected by the coffee shop for whatever reason would have the option to leave their own protection charm and thereby boost the protection around the shop. if you extrapolate that, it's not actual weird that iv would offer up herbs he thinks would be beneficial to the protection of their home; in fact, in some ways it might be expected almost. like, i'm here, you're making me feel safe, here's how i can make you feel safe too. HOWEVER, marc really discouraged iv from using magic, in the same sort of way that he isolated iv from his friends, so iv feels like he stepped out of line in offering them, and ii is mostly just confused as to why iv would feel that way.

equivalent exchange really plays more of a role in this magic system when you aren't connected to a deity. i am perhaps thinking of exploring that more in maybe a spin-off oneshot.

WHO KNEW sam would become such an important character in this fic??? honestly not me, but i needed something to tie together the two locations. also the original plan was to have sam sublet iv's apartment to take care of that loose end, but then i got deep into uk subletting laws and also who would want to read about that anyway???

why can't ii just heal iv and be done with it?? why are there all these rules about who ii can heal and how he can do it?? well because as we eventually find out, ii's not a cleric/healer. also i thought it was more interesting to make it that a) ii can only heal those he's bonded with, b) his healing ability comes directly from sleep and so it's a little wonkier than regular healing would be, and c) because i think it adds depth to the universe as a whole. he can knit back iv's ribs, he can knit back vessel's cut skin, but bruises elude him. hilarious. also something something science developed equally with magic in this universe, so they have things like ibuprofen and cell phones

at this point, aside from ii's healing, sam is the person who does the most magic around iv.

chapter 4

gia is marc's friend, not iv's friend. this is also about the time when i decided that i wanted to expand the universe horizontally, if that makes sense.

paige is the least magically-inclined out of the three women, which is why sam makes her a detect magic necklace.

there's a lot of trauma that surrounds iv and marc and his friends that i'm probably never going to write, but it is there and it does inform a lot of the choices i make with regards to how iv starts to enter into the relationship with vessel, ii, and iii.

sam's relationship with paige, mattie, and lyns is intentionally ambiguous. are they just really good friends? are they all in a relationship? what do you think?

the girls do kidnap sam a lot. that's canon in this fic. they're always like "sam, you're coming with us" and he does.

iii definitely plays things close to the chest, which is what i was trying to convey here. if he's bringing it up willingly, then that means it's really making him feel bad. he has a lot of guilt about not trying harder to find iv, even if it might not have been the right time earlier.

this smut scene is the first smut scene i've ever written and shared with the world l o l. i really like the idea of them imposing a time limit on themselves and then being so desperate they can't even get their pants off about it, ahaha.

III'S VISION man what to even say here. the connection between iv's dream and iii's vision is obviously iv's disemboweled body. the god obviously has some sort of beef with sleep, but at this point in the fic i wasn't sure what is was. this whole vision is what actually happens with marc irl, so like it's happening in real time as iii's seeing it. i also really enjoyed writing the juxtaposition of this unknown god who fills iii with horror versus his eldritch deity who should fill iii with horror also but mostly just provides a sense of comfort in its unknowability. sleep definitely sees the unknown god as being something beneath her, which i hope is conveyed properly. and then, of course, sleep is an eldritch god who doesn't really get humans so of course she would yank iii out of the vision without realizing how traumatic it might be for iii.

chapter 5

this was a hard scene to write with vessel and iv because i know nothing about music production lmao.

iii takes a really center stage in this fic, which i'm not sure was initially intentional, but he is the character i find easiest to write. vessel illuminates more on iii because iii is someone he loves (something something he doesn't love himself as much)

vessel saying that he understands why iv has to be sad for a little while is referencing the fact that vessel also got out of a bad relationship.

iii is stuck in the vision after he wakes up. i chose very intentionally to make the things he says the things he heard in the vision. he's stuck in the vision but he's also trying to convey to his partners what's happening.

vessel essentially uses calm emotions here.

i wanted iii to feel very "locked-in" here. he's stuck in the vision, he can only say the things he heard, but he's also definitely present in his own brain. everything up to the final "keep him safe" is what he heard or asked during the vision.

he finally starts to break out of the vision when they're in the living room. i'm not sure if vessel or ii realize that it takes him that long to get out of it, or if they think that he broke free from it when vessel says "you had a vision, baby." when iii says "ow, my head," he's 100% free from it.

if i ever go back and do a little spot editing in this fic, i'm changing that last sentence in this scene to "III thanks him by lazily patting in his direction." l o l

all this to say that it's never explicitly stated, but iv definitely had a concussion and that's why he doesn't remember yeeting marc out of the dimension.

again, magic is a communal effort, so they need the girls and sam.

very technically iii is using detect thoughts. like with ii's healing, iii can only look deeply in on the thoughts of people who he's bonded with. he can pick up on other people's surface thoughts, though, which i don't think i ever discuss in any depth yet.

why not use this time to have iii be overly suggestive??? why not??

boof, iii sees iv banish marc and also sleep's gift to iv drops. sleep said she was going to give him what he deserved, and what does he deserve? to be able to defend himself.

part 2

[zhongrin]

🎈🧸📷💎🍿🍒 for the ask game!!! u can choose who :)

- sachie (if that's too many, just pick your favs i guess hahahsk)

[ selfship ask game -> ]

SACHIE SWEETIE YOU SPOIL ME HSDLFJSKDJFLKJDSLF <3 <3 <3

super long answer so utc it is shdfksdj

🎈— what is your most precious memory with them?

zhongrin ー when we got married for the first time, millenias ago 💍 meitham ー our reunion when he picked me up at the gate of sumeru city, the first day i decided to move back to sumeru!! wrin ー the night he finally bit the bullet and confessed 💞 jingmei ー the first time i woke up in his bed after spending a night with him renmei ー the first time he's lucid enough as blade to recognize me, after my rebirth and the revelation that we used to be lovers back in the days ;w;

🧸— favourite gifts from each other?

zhongrin ー our marriage ring ᰔᩚ meitham ー for al haitham, a bookmark made from the flowers i gave him on our first anniversary. for me, a custom-made matching guzheng nails & its holder made of clearwater jade wrin ー for wriothesley, it's rinsley; the 'pet' dog gardemek due to be scrapped, which i somehow managed to commission to repair + programmatically override its behaviour into a harmless(well okay maybe not really-) pet dog. for me, it's this promise ring which can be infused with his cryo elemental energy to form a very pretty diamond-like looking stone on its crown; it'll eventually melt away if not properly infused with cryo regularly…. hence it's his promise to always come back (home) to me every day hehe ᰔᩚ jingmei ー a specialized pair of jade abacus disguised as an accessory (for him, an ornate tassel for his guan dao, and for me, it's a jade bracelet) which is interconnected to each other and has a variety of functions ;3 renmei ー for blade, it's a locket with a scent paper of my soap (i don't wear perfumes so yeah). for me, it's the other pair of his earring which i use as a necklace!

📸 — do you have any photos of your f/o? do you use it as your wallpaper?

for my phone, i have custom themes saved for zhongli, jing yuan, and wriothesley (i'm a little picky when it comes to wallpapers haha). though i rarely use them; i mostly have my family as my lock/home screen. my ipad has zhongli as the lock screen, though!

💎 — if you and your f/o were in a fake relationship/marriage, who do you think would lose at falling in love first?

me. i would always fall first. cw. personal rambling-ish. i personally think it's hard to fall in love with me, unless someone really get to know me and gain that trust so i can feel comfortable enough to be vulnerable & open to them (and if i don't seem like this kind of person to your eyes, it's most probably because i don't have any inhibitions being open and honest online, especially due to the anonymity aspect of tumblr). because otherwise, i'm just very normal and boring, sometimes even coming off as cold. and i'm also timid in the way that if someone is too friendly to me, i would just close myself even more. i think i project these traits a lot to my s/i, hence you might notice how 'plain' and/or 'shy' they usually are compared to other people's s/i? but i think it's something i actively project and consciously do, because i don't want to be extraordinary; that's just not who i am, i feel. i just want to be normal and average and broken and still have my f/os love me anyway. i want them to see the smallest, simplest things, and find it endearing/worth loving. unrealistic? maybe. but it's not like they're actually real so who cares lol

🍿 — your perception of them and their perception of you?

i've been contemplating these days… and i have to admit that i have… a high standard when it comes to getting into a serious relationship with someone. especially when it comes to wisdom and maturity. so i'd like to think that all my f/os has a deep understanding of who i am as a person… some of them might even understand me more than i do (zhongli, al haitham, jing yuan). their perception of me is probably just me in my rawest form. i could go in depth about my perception of them but i don't think i can ever have the patience to collate them all into a single post so i'm not going to try hsdkljfksld just know that it wouldn't be 100% canon because obviously personal biases will affect my viewpoint about them.

🍒 — what would your contact names be for each other?

answered here ->

[falllpoutboy]

The anon claiming that rachel and molly have a closer relationship than rachel and ayo is kinda pissing me off 😭. They've been catalysts for each other in the comedy scene since day one. Also i have no idea where this concept of rachel ayo molly as a trio came from. Probably just because they all have interconnected projects but to me, as someone whos known rachel and ayo since they had their little comedy series together, it seems like molly is kinda just someone who is easy to go out and party with for rachel. Meanwhile ayo and molly are two friends who talk here and there but arent very close. Also they were hanging out with rachel's gay la friends during brat and ayo doesnt seem close to any of them two as well lol. Obviously i can only perceive these people through their work and sometimes looking at their socials but ayo seems like someone who favors genuine friendship over being around superstars and partygirls so i feel like she also wouldnt really care for being buddy-buddy with daisy edgar or tay russell (as much as i love taylor russell's work) but its cool seeing her have fun with all these talented actors. Idk i thought id just share some thoughts because i have some free time to be a bit parasocial. i dont really keep up with jeremy and ayo's relationship but this blog seems cool so from a like not-as-invested perspective, i honestly dont think jeremy and mollys thing would get in the way of jeremy and ayo, if they wanted to get together at some point. theyve known each other for four years now and seem to have a very close bond that also seems very private. I just think that man needs a bit of a break from dating lol.

Also i've never hated molly, nor would i hate her for getting with jeremy because i personally cant tell what info coming out are her pr team or just randos but its really disappointing to see that reddit post about all her bullying and microaggressions (which is how i found this blog sjsjs). I guess not surprising though since yk rich white nepo baby and i'm pretty convinced its true solely because of all her privileges and now that i come to think of it, lack of personality. i loved her in shiva baby and theatre camp but now i cant help but believe that all her relationships are just plainly superficial (like her one with jeremy). i'm just waiting to see when her true colors shine to the public cause it seems inevitable from whats been shown to me about her.

Um very long post. Will check in again in 6 months when some big drama sparks on twitter about these peoples relationships again lmaooo😭😭. Its very interesting to see the takes on this blog, i dont keep up with celeb gossip but im very invested in the whole the bear, emma seligman, rachel-ayo universe as someones whos been a fan since ayo was doing podcasts and jeremy was doing shameless.

this is a lot to take in so ok, oh wow. i agree with all that you said tho and welcome!!

[astroyongie]

obviously October is over, but I was wondering if maybe you'd consider doing the rest of the magic info parts

☾𖤓 Magic Info 2 ☾𖤓

All questions from the questionnaire are answered here <3 enjoy !

Recently I've been seeing spiders in my room more often. Within the last week or so, I saw four spiders (3 in my room and 1 in my bathroom which is right next to my room). But what I find kinda weird is that they would show up within a couple of hours of each other. So I would see one spider and then an hour later for example, I would see another one. This happened twice. I might be overthinking this, but for some reason I feel that the spider's presence could be related to a spiritual message. I did some research on spider symbolism and thought maybe my spirit guides could be telling me something, but I'm not entirely sure what. Just for some context, I've been going through a difficult period with my skin for about a year and a half now, and while I've made a lot of progress on my own through research, I feel like the spider's presence is trying to tell me something about my skin. I was wondering if maybe you have any insight on this or at least could help me break down the potential spiritual symbolism here. 

When it comes to spider symbolism, I only know about 3. 1: creativity and artsy symbolism, where the spider is a meaning that you need to be less focused on your thoughts and rational side and more on your intuition and your art. The spider is trying to tell you, that you need to go with the flow and use your hands to create movement to go forward. 2: Patience and building. Like the spider does its webs, it says that you need to be patient and to keep manifesting when you are working toward something. You cannot give up and remember that everything you do is interconnected to something that will be created so even when you feel like it’s not worth it, well it’s always for something. 3: Ancient and illusion. The spider can in the last meaning say that you are someone of an old soul but instead of listening to your intuition, you are allowing yourself to be softened by illusion. Be careful, if you don’t move, you will get bitten. 

I really want to connect with my spirit guides, but for some reason I'm so afraid to try. I've been dealing with this feeling for quite a long time and want to be able to take the leap. How can I overcome my fears of the spiritual world?

It is okay not to feel ready to enter into the spiritual world and you can take your time by doing so. It’s also important to remember that some people have to go through spiritual awakenings and those can be very painful to live through. So taking your time is key. Also, try to see why you are feeling so fearful. What puts so much fear? Is it because of your religion? afraid of ghosts? Of the unknown? Of doing something wrong? Start by searching why there’s fear and then do your search in a soft way. Spiritual work can be a long process and you are allowed to take your time. Start with small things (read about angels, or about crystals or even herbs). And slowly search more. Knowledge is key to feeling more reassured <3 

why is tarot forbidden in christianity? Is it really demonic? Because I have never sensed anything demonic about you so i was wondering 

Firstly thank you for not sensing anything demonic about me, because Gods be blessed, I do not wish to work with any low astral entity. Not into the questions. Why is tarot forbidden? From what I know, it is not forbidden but “not well seen” because Christianity sees tarot as being something practiced by witches and for them witches are linked directly to the devil (which is not true at all). Keep in mind that the whole witch hunt is misogynist and anti-pagan propaganda done throughout the 1st century to around the 17th century. It’s so deeply rooted that still today, such spiritual practices aren’t well seen. So no, Tarot isn’t demonic ^^ it’s simply a tool people use in order to connect with their spiritual guides or to have some info about the future or even advice on how to proceed. Now are the cards true or coincidences? That’s up to you to decide  

why does the year start with the zodiac sign with capricorn? In older scripts of past civilisations they usually started with aries of something else. 

I have honestly no idea why it starts with January. In the pagan culture, it does start indeed with Aries (which is why it’s the first sign) since in their year wheel, the year begins around 19-22 March (spring solstice, Ostara in the wheel) and it starts with Imbolc 1st February (Aquarius) and Pisces being the last which is the time during Imbolc and Ostara. But really, I don’t know why although if I recall the Romans were the ones who installed the year and January comes from Janus a God of the Roman Pantheon. Since the roman empire then got Christian, they probably adapted the year wheel to make it more acceptable. 

What herbs can help heal the small intestine and bladder?

I am not the best at herbology, so please talk to a doctor before you try any of these. When it comes to bladder and urinary infections in general, you can get teas or anything that contains bearberry leaf, garlic, or cranberry. Also, Green and chamomile tea as long as it’s the real flower and not those little baskets you buy in supermarkets. For your small intestine, it’s important to make sure you aren’t suffering from any underlying issue. Using probiotics, drinking lots of water, and eating lots of fruit can help with the fiber. For the herbs, I would say Licorice root (Raveendra et al, 2011) while avoiding refined sugar and alcohol. 

Yongie, how do I know if I'm undergoing a spiritual awakening?

You just feel it in your gut. Like honestly, spiritual awakenings aren’t always funny to go through, and for some, they are potentially painful and traumatic (although necessary once we finish the whole process.) I have gone through two spiritual awakenings and in my case, it always involves death of something or someone dear to me. And although I usually hate it so much and can spend lots of time blocking it, once the spiritual awakening is done, I usually feel much better. For some people it includes healing instead, so it really is one thing experience that isn’t the same for everyone. But how do you know? You just know. Deep down things shift, things feel more intense and you have experiences that are just not explainable. 

i once read that if an animal pops up into someones dream very often, it is a sign that it is their totem/spiritual animal. What are your thoughts?

It could be yes, it would all depend on the feelings and the settings of the dream and how you feel about it every time they appear 

how do i detect ghost/spirit? I have been trying to improve this for a while but have no idea if my mind is playing tricks on me.

It’s important to understand that seeing things isn’t a thing that everyone can do (and one cannot become a medium as we know, you can be clairvoyante for exemple, feel things and see things as a shape but seeing them as people are a gift that only mediums have). Now into the question! How can you improve if you want to see things? First make sure you understand that if you do that, you will be seeing things that will be scary and not everything is nice and gentle. So be ready to protect yourself and your energy. I would say to keep working on your third eye development but also to keep pushing it within your time. But also remember that energies will only show themselves to you they want to be seen or felt, so if you don’t see or feel anything.

Is it possible to see your spirit guides while you're conscious? Or is it something that you can develop?

I have personally never seen spiritual guides while being conscious (only in dreams or during a semi-unconscious state through meditation). I don’t think we are able to see them that way since their vibration is way too high and even developing it we won’t be able to do so. You can see signs they send, but seeing them physically isn’t possible. 

[anulithots]

Hi! @writeblr-of-my-own here! For the ask game

What is the Land of the Fallen Faries? And extra question, who inhabits it? How do you oc(s) interact with it?

Funny story. Technically technically my character's purpose is to destroy the Land of the Fallen Fairies.

Which poses quite the narrative dichotomy, I'm a fallen fairy myself, no matter how much Kamari denies it. To the dryads, We're the villains of the dryad's story, the very filth they're supposed to rid of.

But the Land of the Fallen Fairies is meant to be a safe haven for the fallen fairies, and I'm their antagonist. Their destruction, their great doom, their evil, final-battle antagonist and they should all fear me and despise my existence.

But they don't. And I cannot figure out the reason. Some backstory analysis may be needed, but it this is a major continuity error. I'm the antagonist to the antagonists. Why would they tolerate me? And no, I refuse to accept the "enemy of my enemy is my friend" trope. That one is utter nonsense.

......

Ah plot holes and darling murders, you wanted a whole exposition dump. Not... whatever this is. Deepest apologies. You can ignore everything above.

Okie dokie, so the Land of the Fallen Fairies is a subsection of the pixie archives and the pixie archives are mycorrhizal root systems between trees and they are actually this huge, interconnected, shared-but-separated consciousness between pixies. And pixies are fungal metaphysical beings with no set identity and backstory - like the four I know used to be one character, but separated a few years ago - making them the perfect candidates to manifest in these fluid metaphysical stories. It's wonderous actually! They test out all these characters and arcs and plotlines in this connected daydream world in a continuous searching for complexities, the darkest and brightest depths of existenc-

Sorry.

I tend to do that, a side effect of, myself? It's an extremely antagonistic quality of mine. Deepest apologies.

Ehrm... Back to the question <3

The Land of the Fallen Fairies - at least according to Naegi - was supposed to be a safe haven for the fallen fairies. There isn't really one in Trinity Hollow for physical bodies, so the pixies take care of the mental ones in the root systems. It sounds like found family trope to me, and I hope it is. That one is my favorite. (There isn't any obligations or expectations, one knows that their found family cares, because they do it out of their own accord.)

So.... Trinity Hollow has some backstory and I can't figure it out. What I do know is that I have to tip toe around most other fairies, lest they find out. Sometimes I wish they would.

And... oh I'll have to explain fallen fairies.

Urhm... I'm a fallen fairy, just... well I was supposed to share their fate. I've been told we're "spacy, like we aren't fully here" and that we're "filth" etc. etc. I - the four pixies don't let me meet the other fallen fairies, so I don't know if they mischaracterized them or not. (I often go to a wispy small dream where they live, since Floa has made a lot of enemies. It's our haven within the Land of the Fallen Fairies)

But they were right about me, that I'm sure of. I should've had the same ending as the others, where Kamari would take us away, never to be seen again.

At least... not by the dryads. (wow, look, transition. I'm great at prose. For sure. /sarcasm)

Pixies and dryads are in some sort of conflict... Bloom explained it to me once... ah plot holes. I'll ask faer about it, remind me please. (I will forget the moment the next sentence is spoken)

The basic motivation - at least from my character profiling - for letting the mental/ metaphysical fallen fairies have their own haven is because of spite... I think, don't quote me on that.

The pixies may have their narrative as something like - "They got rid of the brightest fairies"

Oh <3 It's like a huge redemption arc but not really based on the shifting narrative of different societies. They were villains for the dyads, helpful side characters for the pixies....

And my purpose is to destroy both of them. I've tried to fix myself. I've tried. Everything I do only makes it worse.

What sort of character does that make me?

[ob4yme]

🍒 for ibring1ife and timedten /anonymous clearly pfft

send me 🍒 (or cherry)  +  a url and i will write some positivity for them.

i put this under a cut because it's very long, some might say stupidly long, and extremely emotional. don't worry about it. @ibring1ife @timedten

look. i started getting properly close with you two when i was going through a really hard time. i won't go into it too much but i was in the miserable place of figuring out how to move forward after looking a lot of really difficult, uncomfortable truths straight in the eye. i felt very much unworthy of any care at all, but you both showed me so much kindness and understanding anyway. you listened, you offered your support, you watched shows with me and played games with me and made me laugh when i felt, the dramatic bitch that i am, like i would struggle to ever find a reason to smile again. i know it hasn't been too long since we all started talking, but you both mean a lot to me. you really did get me through, and i'll be forever grateful for that. (i know i come on a little strong, i know i'm a little too affectionate sometimes... that's kinda why. sorry lol)

seren, you are a treasure. i have such admiration for your artistic skill, for the creative's approach you take to the world and to the media you consume. i love reading your analysis, the quotes you send me from the books you're currently reading - i love your passion for literature and for women who are allowed to be complicated and angry and something more than human. i respect your boundless kindness, the love you always have to give, and your strong moral fibre. i love your deliberate use of metaphor and envy your keen aesthetic eye. know, today and everyday, that you are valued, cared for, and this tardis team would be worse off without you.

darian, you are BRILLIANT! god, i admired you so much for the longest time before we ever got to really talking and that opinion has only strengthened now that we've gotten to know each other properly. you're always so much fun to hang with, whether it's stardew or farscape or literally just sitting on the phone shit talking steven moffat for an hour. your edits are gorgeous, too, and you positively channel the doctor in your writing, which is itself so unique, unlike anything i've seen in all my years in the rpc. your laughter is infectious, your excitement a joy to be around - you genuinely brighten my days, and your adventurous willingness to go with me on the wildest tangents is so appreciated.

one of my favourite things about rp is weaving interconnected stories, and what we've all developed is a prime example of exactly why. i feel so deeply invested in our plotting because it's so rich and expansive and thoughtful, because the arc of it is so satisfying, because you both bring such insightful takes on your muses every time. it feels like taking this medium to its extreme, and i'm always pushed to do my best writing with you.

i've been rambling entirely too long but to close i just want to say that i hope you both know how special you are. seriously. this world is better for having you in it, and if ever you forget that or are struggling to believe it, you know where to find me. <3

[measuringbliss]

Spider-Man Read-Through 041: Brother Power, Sister Sun (SSM 12-15)

MASTERPOST

Oh my, long time no see!

I've been craving some Spider-Man these past few weeks. I did a bit of a break following the stellar Wein Green Goblin arc, as I think I was getting burnt out.

Since then, my boyfriend gifted me Marvels (1994) for Christmas, so expect a post about that soon-ish. I also still got to continue the Dark Web event, but it's not quite a priority (although I enjoyed what I read).

Anyway, I figured that it was time for a bit of reading, what do you think? The secondary aspect of Spectacular Spider-Man absolutely looks perfect for today's post.

Oh, Flash as a damsel in distress, y'all know I'm fond of this <3

The issue starts like the best issues: HOMOEROTICISM!

I've read and watched Death Note. Several times. I know the homosexual power of a tennis match. And I'm totally here to see more of Peter's personal life, because it's been seriously missing those past two years (of comics).

I like that their relationship is multi-faceted, they're now both mature enough to recognize when they're being unfair with each other. Next thing you know, they'll kiss!

Except they don't, because a cult interrupts them on the court. They both decide to see what's up with that. The titular siblings are responsible for this, but Flash is shaken to his core when he notices that Sister Sun's voice is also... Sha-Shan's! And her "brother" is actually her husband. Not a twist I expected, but one that instantly makes the storyline more interesting.

Spidey arrives just in time to save Flash from the duo's magical ray,

Flash caring for Spider-Man, so nice to see! Cops arrive before Spidey can subdue the duo, and we get more panels of Flash being carried by his boyfriend. I'm so here for it!

Boyfriends! Boyfriends!!!!

So the fish on the wall is Glory's present! I wasn't sure here, but I did think it was a possibility.

...Wait. Wait!

This is a different fish, because...

So Peter has TWO fish decorations in his apartment. Damn!

Anyway, Peter goes back to ESU and his hot teacher helpfully informs him that the cult he encountered is led by Korba (aka Sha-Shan's husband), who found some mystical power in Vietnam.

I love that the professor mentions the Bugle, makes the world feel interconnected! Anyway, Flash's message is a bit funny. Did he really need to underline the important words? Hahaha.

So Flash confronts Sha-Shan, but gets rekt by Korba.

Spidey too. Wonderful panel, by the way. I fear this post may need a second part...

#13! In the alley he was just thrown into, Spidey meets Razorback, a villain with a design so hideous I simply do not want to look at it: a green, tight suit with a gold belt and a boar head.

Razorback punched Spidey into Sha-Shan's restaurant because he heard that was the custom around here. He's absolutely right. Just wanted to know the little spider fella.

Spidey doesn't care because his boyfriend is in danger upstairs. After he makes sure Flash is alright, he tries to follow our cultists...

But Razorback interrupts him. You know what? I'm starting to like the guy. He annoys everybody and smiles, and that's kind of my gremlin energy as well. He also put a tracker on the duo's car, so there's that.

Turns out things are personal as well for him, but there's no time. Razorback has another trick up his sleeve.

This isn't yet Stegron-level of buffoonery, but it's certainly close, hahaha.

Anyway, we meet the duo's chief:

That design is kind of really solid for a villain?

So anyway, I was wondering who this new character could be, and the Marvel wikia helpfully informed me that this is a clone of Adolf Hitler, which I never expected. Okay. Uh. Okay? COMICS.

Razorback's issue with the cult is that his lil' sister is part of it. Okay, cool. What a mess of an issue but let's go along. And his sister arrives as he's fighting goons with Flash, while Spidey fights the duo. They all get shackled in a dungeon. Cliffhanger!

#14! They're freed by Razorback's car!

This is the only panel that matters.

So the big plan is for the cult to spread hate through TV broadcast. Simple and efficient.

There's a confrontation, in which the Hate-Monger says he bested Hulk even though the textbox says he didn't... and Spidey and Razorback get brainwashed into attacking each other. Flash saves the day, then...

Uh, okay. So he's an imposter. Alright then!

In the last issue of this batch...

It keeps on giving.

Turns out Man-Beast is from Counter-Earth, created by the High Evolutionary. If you've seen Guardians of the Galaxy 3, you get it. Damn. I kind of expected that, but still. Things are changed around a bit, but it doesn't really matter because Man-Beast is EVIL INCARNATE, and he sure hopes you remember that. He's the one who actually gave powers to Korba!

Everybody fights. Sha-Shan's good again! The cultists are no longer subservient! Korba's dead! Man-Beast's dead (probably not, but who cares).

Well, Razorback's sister thinks she might find another cult that's a bit less evil. Uh, okay. Sure.

Overall, it's a shame because I was really into the first issue, but then, once again, it became 100% fighting for like two issues and a half and that's just not something I'm too interested in, although the interpersonal stakes were nice.

Next time: More SSM! Look forward to it, pals.

[slocumjoe]

Lots of Isadora thoughts and lore, brought on by tinkering with her story and character. Complete rambling as thoughts come to me with little interconnection, featuring Danse romance. RoDanse? RoDanse. This is purely for myself because I needed to word vomit as a treat but I've been neglecting my dear Isadora on this blog so I thought I'd share aforementioned thoughts

I think the most missed opportunity with the wasteland is the conversation about conservationalism and the discussion around humans being a parasite that the world is better off without

Like. Lions are extinct in Fallout, among many other creatures. China also got nuked, if I remember correctly. So, two of the biggest continents/countries were completely destroyed. You can see the damage done to the environment.

This is a half-baked thought, but I've seen other people float the idea of the Sole Survivor wondering about the upsides of the destruction of humanity. Recently rbed a post calling it "setting back to zero".

For Isadora, her trauma/Thing has always been that she never felt she belonged or even really liked the world she was in, thinking it shallow and plastic and ultimately doomed behind the lovely curtains it put up to keep up appearances. I can imagine her looking at the wasteland and thinking no, this is better, this is what the world needed, and then immediately feeling terrible for thinking it.

Now, fuck the idea that humans are the problem. Governments, capitalism, the money hoarding fuckheads we call CEOs and billionaires are what will ultimately doom Earth and society if left to rot it from the inside out. That's what happened in fallout; it was ultimately a scuffle over lack of resources, money. The big companies starting looking down the barrel of wastefulness and overconsumption and instead of pulling back, they wanted to fight over what was left. Their armies (bc let's be real, military is a faucet of corporations, not governments, which are also just puppets to aid moneygrubbers) killed everything trying to scrounge what they could.

Isadora remembers how it was, and sees how it is now, and thinks that while everyone else didn't deserve it, the people who caused all of it did. America as a concept was destroyed, and that was a concept worth destroying. Change was impossible with the government of Fallout's America, but with them off the board, people could make something more small-scale and substantial. The greatest flaw of an Empire is thinking it will last forever, when it's built on so many pillars. Just a few pillars, and it all comes crashing. But with localized communities, people have an easier time of taking care of each other without a looming government overhead. There's freedom. Isa would like the lack of government control over every day life, especially in regards to keeping yourself and your community safe.

However, she'd struggle with the sheer amount of death and destruction. Yes, she sees the wasteland not as a wasteland, but as a fertile bed of soil, perfect for growth and rebuilding, but that bed is made of so many dead. It's a giant graveyard. The city she once called Boston, or Cambridge, or Concord, they're called ruins.

She sees her college, C.I.T, once her greatest pride, become her greatest shame, seeing what her peers and eventually, her son, turned it into. She sees her own interviews in burned magazines and wonders how much she's to blame for it all, making war machines that still take lives, even 200+ years later. She sees her quaint bungalow in Sanctuary rusted and decayed, and thinks it looks truer to how it felt living there as an unenthused wife and mother.

The more I think about Isadora, the more I think her pain is a quiet one. How guilty would you feel, if you were glad that the world was nuked and destroyed? How guilty would you feel, feeling finally like the world was one you could live in, at the cost of so much life? Isadora was a soldier. She still is, her life is defined by her murdering other people. She doesn't think much of it, it doesn't hurt her. It never did. She acknowledges that they're people, sentient beings, but even her first kill, she was more proud of the shot than disturbed at the action. That horrifies her, that she isn't horrified. The lack of empathy and care is what freaks her out.

There's a lot of self-concern there. It's useful, but is it good? Is it even okay? She does good things for good reasons, but should she have empathy for the objectively bad people she kills to get things done? Should she always try a different way, or is it worth it to toss a rotten apple away, so to speak? Does she have that authority? Is that for her to decide?

I think that would be why Isa would travel with so many different people. Always looking for people to keep her in check, tell her off, argue. Demand she think differently. Isadora, to some level, doesn't trust herself, knowing this about herself. It's why she gets Gage, wants to learn about him. She wants to understand something she doesn't consider. Raiders are hardly entities to her. They hurt her people, she kills them. She doesn't even feel anger, they're more like pests. They do horrible things, but to her, she doesn't view them as people who make choices; more like creatures that do this because...that's just what they do.

It's not like Isadora is cruel, or doesn't care about people, she just isn't haunted by killing. In the wasteland, people would be accustomed to it, but she feels like it shouldn't be so easy for her. She feels like a hypocrite, talking Danse out of suicide, helping Cait to better her life, getting Preston out of his dangerzone...only to go blow up other people for attacking Tenpines. Isadora dislikes that she has an Us vs Them mentality.

This disconnect would lessen as she developed meaningful relationships with the companions and other people, as well as figure out her footing with Julian (the synth kid, renamed because she never liked the name Shaun anyway). Once she gets an actual connection to the world, rather than being an outsider looking in, she has an easier time empathizing with others in general, especially after the Florage arc and the Gunner vs Minutemen arc, where Gage and Isa have to trust each other, and both prove to be loyal to the other despite everything.

Isadora struggled to connect with herself and others as a consequence, because she never fit in with the mold of society. 1950's America had an aesthetic, and she didn't fit, and was punished for it. She's an androgynous, pansexual, genderqueer poc woman from a low income family in a rich city in a different, often disregarded country. There was little place for her anywhere she went. Even when she excelled in college and the military, everything else about her was politely ignored, as if it would embarrass her to acknowledge it.

Circling back to the first point about the terrible cost of what Isadora sees to be a benefit...Isadora feels more at home in the Commonwealth than she ever did in Brazil or Massachusetts. Much of this is that she's no longer an outsider. Theres no society for her to be alien to. It's a source of shame, but she doesn't miss that society or its people after how she was treated. In the Commonwealth, she's respected. She's a skilled soldier and tactician, she's a local leader who's given everyone homes and cities, she's getting credit for things she never got credit for.

Isa doesn't know, if given the option, if she would turn back time and go back to the old world. This isn't even talking about her husband. Isa never wanted to be a housewife or mom, but she felt so out of place and like she was missing something. Marriage was literally a "may as well" to her. The kid came because Nate wanted it, despite Isadora fearing pregnancy. She put Codsworth together to take care of Shaun because she wasn't sure if she could be a good mom.

And then much later, Shaun turns out to be exactly like his dad. Isa did love her son, even if it wasn't the healthiest home life, but once she saw what he became, what he'd done to the world, what he thought of it and humanity as a whole...that stopped being her kid. That was Nate's kid. Arrogant, so sure himself, so uncaring of anyone else. Isadora lacked connection, Nate lacked kindness. Shaun took after both of them in the worst ways.

With Julian, that's a kid she takes on by choice, not because she feels like she has to, but because she wants to. Julian isn't Shaun, Julian is Julian. He's a troubled young boy she takes under her wing. It's a different situation, but she ends up finding comfort and self-satisfaction raising him. Julian isn't hers, he's someone she cares deeply for, who she's proud of, who she wants to leave a peaceful, better world for.

On the topic of Nate, Danse is exactly what Isadora needs in a partner, while somehow being similar to Nate.

Nate disregarded and disrespected Isadora's culture and upbringing, Danse disregarded anyone not human or "morally upright" to his standards. Nate was a combat medic, Danse was a Paladin/also a soldier. Nate valued science and keeping technology in the 'proper hands', so does Danse. Things like that.

Thing is, Danse was never a shitbag to Isadora, and Danse was never a shitbag deep down. He was a flawed person, but he acknowledged those flaws and worked past them. Nate would have never apologized to anyone for anything, and never did. Danse, I think even without the Synth reveal, would have eventually became disillusioned with the Brotherhood. He's too kind, deep down. If he was like his other BoS soldiers, he wouldn't admire the Slog, he wouldn't want to help Billy the Ghoul kid, he wouldn't care about anything outside of the Brotherhood's teachings. Danse cares about people, about doing and being good, above all else; he just thinks the Brotherhood is the best way to do that, pre-BB.

Nate tried to reel Isadora in, wanted her to fit better into the housewife role. He had affection for her, but it wasn't love. He loved what he thought she could be. One of those "I can fix her" types when she wasn't broken.

Danse, on the other hand, would never even think Isadora needed to be stopped or toned down. He admires her for everything the Old World thought she could do without. Isadora is sure of herself, she's extroverted and kind, she's a hard-worker, she's incredibly intelligent and educated, she's done and seen some very weird shit and is always down to tell you about it.

Their relationship is, like, rogue, left-the-temple Airbender x Earthbender. That's the best way I can describe it. They share values and ways to go about things, but provide support the other needs. Danse needs fun, engagement, needs to be comfortable enough to come out of his shell. He needs someone to help him loosen up. Isadora needs stability, something to anchor her when she feels like she's on the outskirts again, someone to support and uplift her. She needs to be, not tied down, but to have someone to go to. They balance each other. He makes her feel seen and empowers her for it, she's a breath of fresh air and helps him embrace whimsy and simple joys.

[ethereousdelirious]

God okay so I've been trying to write a sort of 'personal reflections of Sicktember' type post because i do sort of view writing as my primary chosen craft and I would like to keep improving at it but I keep not having time but I think I have time now

(Nobody has to read this lmao it's not necessarily "for" something)

So I've tried to participate in a few month-long community writing challenges over the years (Sicktember, Whumptober, Emetovember) and for the most part. Okay I'm trying to avoid the word "failed" because that implies there's a right and wrong way to participate, but uh. I guess quit? I failed to meet my own expectations.

Okay, wait.

I'm a completionist. That is the manner of participation in these events that is fun for me. So if I make another reference to "failing," I mean I failed to complete the challenge in my preferred way.

So yeah anyway I repeatedly failed these challenges. And Sicktember 2023 is the first year I was able to identify why I failed, remedy it, and succeed. (Though it is worth noting that I did complete Whumptober 2019, which was my first attempt at a challenge. We'll get to that.)

Let me chalk it up to 3 interconnected factors: Burnout, Skill Issues, Adverse Events

Burnout

On the surface, it seems simple. Read the prompt, get an idea, write a fill.

Yeah, it's not that simple.

For the longest time, I would just pursue the first idea that popped into my head, regardless of whether I would actually enjoy writing the fill. I would write for fandoms I wasn't really feeling at the moment because I thought they fit the best, forcing my ADHD brain through boring torture for no reward because "oh, but I used to like this thing and it just fits so well."

So when I finished, I would get no dopamine reward. Plus, my challenge fills have historically garnered very little attention (which is fine; I'm not entitled to that), which means that I also received no external reward.

The result is a string of short, dry, passionless fills that no one rightly should want to read. Why would anyone want to read something that I didn't want to write?

And that, my friends, is a recipe for burnout. So obviously I would get discouraged and quit.

That's why my Sicktember 2023 fills are so often repetitive. I forced myself to stick with the thing I really wanted to write even if i felt like I "should" have been writing something else.

Although I have to say, I did start running into problems at the end end where I started getting bored with my own self-indulgence, so I'll have to find a way to counter that next year.

Of course, being unable to write something to your own satisfaction is also a......

Skill Issue

I recently learned that the nebulous concept of "creativity" is a trainable skill. In fact, over Sicktember 2023, I honed my ability to come up with a tiny plot, creating a formula to help me come up with fills. These ideas can come in any order, but the idea is to identify a character, a want, and an illness/obstacle. All the fills I like use this formula and most of the fills I hate do not.

Incidentally, I think that coming up with a different obstacle or changing the way a character's illness impedes them is the key to writing the legendary "slowburn sickfic with plot," but that's a pursuit for another day.

Anyway, yeah, part of the reason I had to be so dependent on the first idea that popped into my head was because I didn't have the skills needed to develop a story.

If the prompt was "stitches" and the first thing that popped into my head was for a fic where Thor has to do field medicine on Loki, that's what I would write. Never mind the fact that I haven't cared about the MCU since 2012. Even though I'm really feeling Ace Attorney right now, past!me lacked the ability (or honestly, the confidence in my abilities) to develop a plot I would have actually cared about.

Also, because I was nervous about my ability to meet the challenge deadlines, I would focus on writing as quickly as possible, leading me to trip up in the face of...

Adverse Events

I don't know if this is confirmation bias or what, but something heinous always happens to me when I'm prepping for a writing challenge. It's been a variety of things over the years, each one legitimately upsetting and sometimes actually clinically traumatic.

Not to mention all the mundane stuff like trips, hangouts, parties, etc. I'm hyperactive and ambiverted, I have a bustling social life and a full schedule.

Regardless, if I missed a few days of writing, I would spiral. That was it, I was too far behind, I was never gonna make it, I should just give up.

Combine that with burnout as well and I really had no good reason to push through. Why should I grind on a project that wasn't even fun in the first place?

Something world-shatteringly horrible happened to me this Sicktember (being vague because it's still really hard to think about), and I did take a few days off because I was a traumatized mess-- crying, flashbacks, dissociation, the whole shebang.

And then, the craziest thing happened. After letting myself off the hook and taking care of myself, I regained some stability and wanted to come back.

So I did, and I just kept chugging away at the prompts. And I finished despite the setback!

Conclusion

I dealt with all the above shit and, for the first time ever, managed to complete a challenge to my satisfaction!

There are fills I'm less fond of based on prompts I don't really care for, but that's the nature of a challenge. I'm not ashamed of anything I wrote (unlike my past Whumptober fills *shudders* Those were all aggressively mediocre at best).

I'm happy! I enjoyed this challenge and I'm excited to take a crack at Whumptober.

[katalist]

Just some personal thoughts I figured I'd get on paper

But it's always weird for me getting into fandoms so focused on shipping because I do not experience romance in the same way that other people do. Like, I feel like I UNDERSTAND romance and I get the draw of it, but I just usually do not care /more/ about romance than any other aspect of a show. I get the same, if not more excitement, out of forged friendships and found family, and other forms of euphoria/dramatic tension especially those relating to self identity and dramatic irony.

Which is why miraculous ladybug makes it so fun, because the core relationship is caked in a million layers of identity issues and dramatic irony, and there are dozens of offshoot non-romantic-relationships that frame the whole thing. And the fandom makes it so accessible to someone like me.

I like the lovesquare not because I relate to the romance aspects or really ship it, but because the tangled web of secrets makes it so interesting to me–especially as a trans person who was (and still is, largely) forced to remain closeted for many years of my life, characters with secrets always grip my heart in a kind of tragic way.

I love Kagami and Felix's relationship not because I really actively "ship it" but because they remind me of the same type of relationship and personalities as many of my friends who are in odd couples, along with my odd, older millennial cousins, etc... I can just envision domestic life for them so easily and I feel like I know the type of adults they'll grow up to be. It's like a familiar comfort thing.

The other relationships in the show are similar, especially with the side characters, I know people in relationships like those and it's just generally nice to see.

More than that, I love the other kinds of relationships, the forged friendships and found family. Forget a lovesquare reveal/confession–I want to see Nathalie and Adrien's relationship evolve, and for Felix and Adrien to grow together. (I REALLY want to see Nathalie and Felix have a standoff, actually!) And for Kagami and Marinette to grow as friends. I look forward to Luka's return. I will fanboy so hard when there is an episode focusing on Nino/Marinette friendship or Adrien/Alya friendship.

There's just so many threads in this show that I find so interesting, and I was so worried when I joined this fandom that like, it would JUST be shipping saturation, and that I would find shipping stuff boring, and I would feel extremely left out. But it's all interconnected, and the writing of the show makes the idea of the shipping accessible to me, which in turn makes the fandom side of things accessible too. And the fandom is not just locked in on shipping either, it's very expansive with lore and dramatics and everything else, and I LOVE that.

It's such a breath of fresh air compared to other "fandoms" I've been involved in–ones where the chemistry of characters make no sense to me, where the characters just feel like blank slates to push together, where it's important to have the "right discourse opinions," etc., where the fandom shipping overshadows more thoughtful (in mind) analysis and themes and other types of relationships. No hate to those fanbases, it's just not for me.

[autumn-foxfire]

The heck kind of leaks did I wake up to 😭 Catch me at 3am going nope nope do not- as I read about quirks evolving, also whats up with the world going to hell and Compress and Geten having a casual chat in prison saying they have plenty of time?? Geez, comedic duo I did not see coming. But bless: no phoenix quirk. But also: I dislike the dunking on Touya's narrative that makes him the masterpiece Endy always wanted. I pray fandom doesn't clown Endy for that because it would just be annoying. That's not the reason I wanted Touya's worth and life to be respected. And then the GETEN HIMURA, dammit. I was hoping the obvious fire/ice quirk wouldn't always lead to a family connection but here we are. These Todoroki's and their issues smh. I hope the memes and jokes about Japan being talked about as "entirely other" like one would consider the worldbuilding of a fantasy manga when considering culture isn't too bad out there. It's a real place, with real people living even in your country, and so many concepts are actually spread all over every asian country not just that. Hell, I've had hispanic friends tell me so as well. I say this because apparently some people are treating the concept of Touya being "first-born" and the weight it holds as "yeah just a thing Japan does" I get in this interconnected global world we like peering into other countries and cultures we don't understand and shrug it off like a strange other society far-removed from us, but I don't think people in the west realize how universal this is + the cousin marriage thing regardless of how squicky it is. I understand, but maybe tone down blowing up at other asians and shaming the entire concept in front of their faces? Some of those people might have their parents wanting them to get engaged to their cousin, or might know friends and family who are, and that kind of behavior when Geten is a DISTANT cousin, not even 2nd or 3rd or 4th with different lineages beyond the main family line is, kinda insane. You're absolutely free to find it problematic or even disturbing, I as an asian had that concern as well, just PSA to not over-react in a way that makes people familiar with those cultural practices feel bad. (also again....distant, Geten is so freaking distant. It's so trivial, if you find that disturbing, think of how someone marrying their 3rd or 4th cousin might feel? thinking "that" was far-removed enough that they would be okay with it and here's the internet flipping tables over Geten whose even further removed from the main family.)

Sorry for the really late response, nonnie.

Honestly, I can't say that I'm all that surprised that Hori took the route he did now that it's been awhile and the knowledge of the chapter has sunken in.

I still think giving Dabi an ice quirk undermines his story and I don't really know what the point of it was other than to shame Endeavor (while also spreading the message that only if he had abused his son more he would have realised he was "perfect" which is very icky even though it was unintentional).

As you said, Touya being the "perfect" son shouldn't have been why his life was respected by his father.

As for Geten being a Himura... Oof to all the people who shipped him with Dabi firstly (not that they still can't but fandom can be quick to attack other ships with problematic elements like these).

Personally I'm not really sure why Hori made that so because it does little to offer commentary on the story anymore, especially as he's done a terrible time at effective worldbuilding.

But I do agree that fandom needs to be careful when approaching topics like this. It's very easy to look at the story through a western lense and be rude to other cultures because of that. Yes, there is real reasons why incest is frowned upon such as the biological issues it has however you can discuss it in a way that's respectful and not insulting (sadly a nuance that fandom has not mastered).

God, what is it with Hori putting complicated themes in his story but not handling them satisfyingly.

[jvzebel-x]

Why do you care about things that have nothing to do with you? You get on other peoples case for that same shit than stick your nose everywhere 😂 You're not black or fat or a athlete but you don't mind talking about them for clout 🤢

so i've been laughing at this since, like, yesterday morning when i got it, &i was going to just leave it because it's obvious nonsense, but i decided that this is a good teaching moment.

so without tapping into the literal paragraphs i could write regarding how people from other communities-- particularly Black women&transwomen (they weren't specifically mentioned, but i'm assuming they fit this bill, lmao)-- have been such profound educators to me throughout my life that it would be an act of indecency to not, at the very least, offer them my solidarity.

do you. think that Black Hawaiians don't exist? that fat sex workers don't exist? that disabled athletes don't exist? that literally any combination of these do not exist?? like, do you really think that these people have nothing to do with the communities i'm apart of???

i love being Hawaiian. i am extremely proud to be Hawaiian. i love being both Japanese&Chinese. i am extremely proud of my heritage, &have always been very involved with most parts of it. because of that, i have known all types of people from those demographics. i've also seen profound amounts of bigotry, because everyone has things they need to unlearn and white supemacy+the patriarchy have a way of infecting everything structurally so no community is untouched by their insidiousness. i watched my father's family treat my mother like garbage-- not because she was Hawaiian. they ALL wanted to be Hawaiian-- well, they wanted to be the hula stereotype with centuries of family history on the islands--, &they all begrudged the fact that she&her kids were. the basis of their bigotry&abuse was rooted in racism, definitely-- but very specifically antiblackness that had been used to descriminate against Hawaiian people since colonizers landed on our shores, &(largely by extension) fatphobia. my mother took that&, instead of allying herself with others in the community who understood what she went through&received even worse from an even broader variety of people, she internalized that same bigotry. she was-- probably still is-- also very often casually racist, with an emphasis on antiblackness. she was-- probably still is-- horrendously fatphobic. it doesn't matter that these things have hurt her-- in fact, i would argue she subscribes to the thought processes largely because they were levied at her first. it makes her unsafe for people in these communities, the same way it made things unsafe for her around people who should have been her family.

i don't know a single person of colour with a history of mental or physical diability who did not experience painful&traumatic ableism that very often was culturally influenced.

the intercommunity issues with sex work are very often enough to make me want to split my head open, particularly in regards to things that can very often be traced directly back to racism (+the stereotypes that have always followed sex workers of colour), fatphobia, transphobia (particularly transmisogyny), &ableism.

it's all a giant, interconnected loop, &the most vulnerable people in OUR communities pay the highest prices, often at the hands of people who SHOULD be defending them. if i have extensive personal experiences with seeing or experiencing these intercommunity problems, then the people who they specifically target most definitely have way more&will most certainly continue to receive abuse if the cycle isn't broken.

no one is safe until we all are-- no one is free until we all are. i find far more value in deconstructing internal problems that actively harm our own than in arguing with or attempting to educate totally unrelated people about things that don't concern them, lol, &that very often means learning from&centering people in my own community who also belong to other vulnerable communities that i may not belong to myself, but very obviously have things&people in common with. if that looks like "caring about things that have nothing to do with me" or "talking about them for clout", you're probably just operating off bad stereotypes&a severe lack of both experience+exposure to probably anything or anyone outside of a hyper-currated computer screen, lol, &that's DEF not my fault or problem.

also. who the fuck said i wasn't an athlete? can YOU rock six inch heels+three inch platforms for hours on both slippery stages&fucked up cracked sidewalks&dumb ass ten+ story walkups? can YOU hold yourself up on a pole with just your thighs, upside down, while spinning? do YOU have the stamina to fu--