#because i’ve always been positive…
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Text
x.2
#I don’t know what to do or say to makes things better so am just putting in the work#I go to therapy 4 times a week#20 hours of therapy per week#to fix myself#i’ve made a smaller list of small house chores and just small stuff i wanted to fix#i actually read a lot now… actual books#I play the piano again#I go for a stroll around the neighbourhood every other day#I clean bucky his shit every day to keep it clear and fresh#I play with him every night so my cat doesn’t get as depressed as i am#I clean my dishes everyday#the small stuff nobody will ever notice apart from me#and am proud of it#proud of the fact that even though people keep abusing me mentally and physically#I get broken down but I get back up and try to fix it#because i’ve always been positive…#i just tend to forget sometimes#i just wish things were different#i just wish it was easier#I just hope people are willing to forgive me#I also just need a fucking hug T_T
0 notes
Text
I’m rereading Shugo Chara (it’s been years and the nostalgia I feel is immense) and I’ve got to be honest…
I think Amu and Ikuto is the funniest ship in the whole world.
Like, they just like each other. They like spending time with each other. Amu is genuinely comfortable around him until he starts flirting, then she’s mostly just kind of exasperated. All of Ikuto’s interactions with her are based on cats. He brings her food (human can not hunt for themself) and he lays on her (human is the most comfortable pillow) and he teases her (human must be kept on their toes). Like, he’s just a big ol’ cat and I love it.
But also, the manga is fucking hilarious.
When Kukai is graduating and everyone’s saying goodbye and Tadase asks “When I’m in trouble, can I talk to this picture I have of you?” When they’re all talking about what happens around springtime and Ikuto casually says “Being in heat. Because we’re cats.” and Amu’s respons is “Can he say that in this manga?” And Sensei… “Why are you still teaching here?” “I do have credentials.”
Ikuto is the funniest character. He brings cookies because he broke Amu’s tart. He brings ice cream because Utau dropped Kukai’s ice cream (and maybe Amu’s? I’m unclear) ((how did he even know that that happened? Does he have a sixth sense, “Someone just ruined my human’s meal. I have to fix this immediately.”)) He always shows up with a bag of food and just drops it on Amu, then leaves. He came here for one reason and one reason only, and it was to drop off food, bye.
My favourite part of the manga is Nadeshiko/Nagihiko. I love Amu’s comment early on “Nadeshiko changes so fast!” I love Temari, who just repeats “my kimono will get dirty.” And when they’re crawling through the vent or whatever, and Temari is crawling while still covering her face with her sleeve and says “my kimono is getting dirty.” Hilarious. I love Temari so much.
I love that Nadeshiko is Amu’s best friend. They are besties. The extra where Nagihiko breaks out of his house to spend time with Amu? Perfection. Nagihiko holding Amu’s hand, and when she points it out to him, he just goes “Oh yeah. I forgot I’m different today.” I love Nagihiko, he’s the best. The whole explanation is totally wild and honestly baffling, but I love Nagihiko and his weird ass family all the same.
I liked the show a lot as a kid, and I liked the manga even more. I think Amu and Ikuto are adorable. I think it’s funny that the characters don’t act like any elementary school students I’ve ever met (including the ones who were in elementary school with me). I like that Kukai is everyone’s favourite, and he’s just so chipper. I like Tadase’s wish being to conquer the world, and everyone agreeing to help him with it because “It’s fun :)” I especially like that Amu is consistently and constantly judging the capes.
Maybe it’s nostalgia colouring my view. Maybe I’m biased because it made me laugh a couple times. Maybe I just like Ikuto and Amu being comedic foils to each other. Whatever it may be, I really enjoy the manga. Would I recommend it? Yes. Would I recommend it if you’re going to be pissed by the age gap? No.
(“The age gap is so problematic!” But have you considered that they are funny?)
#shugo chara#amu hinamori#ikuto tsukiyomi#nadeshiko fujisaki#nagihiko fujisaki#kukai soma#tadase hotori#amuto#the inane ramblings of a madman#rereading really brings back memories#i used to write oc fanfic for the show#oh younger me#so innocent#i’ve always had a soft spot for amuto#but i also really like nagehiko and amu#because i think it’s really funny#also i just love nagihiko#been searching the tag for this series#and all i see is negativity#so here’s a bit of positivity#for those like me who just want to reminisce#never getting over tadase’s picture of kukai that he just keeps on himself#love that#long post
206 notes
·
View notes
Text
I’m gonna have to accept my brain may always be soup at this point. But it beats feeling tortured all the time?
Anyway, pointless tattoo plotting. For myself. I don’t think it’s wise to consider what is basically an upper arm sleeve for my first, but it’s fantasy land if it’s just in the sketchbook and honestly? Anything to kick at the art block.
It’s all birds: blue Jay and Baltimore oriole, with fresh spring green ash leaves and an autumnal red oak. And maybe a hexagon in there somewhere, I can’t sort that out.
Anyway, this would encapsulate a lot of my favorite things in one go. All that’s missing is bugs! And a loon and pines, but that’s going on the other arm!
Maybe it’s futile to say this, but this humble scribble is for my use only.
#sketchbook#birds#wings#blue Jay#Baltimore oriole#favorite colors seasons trees etc all checked!#I had some wholesome moments with my parents when we went looking for orioles around my birthday this year#we found several so I’m giving them more positive associations#also they’re orange and beautiful what’s not to love?#green ash as a sad tribute to an icon I’ve resonated with since I was very young#red oak because blue jays and your stereotypical symbol of strength and perseverance#always loved the intelligence and beauty of blue jays I think they may have been my spark bird at a very young age#a messy sketch but it’s better than a whole lot of nothing#y’all I don’t even know where to begin with which bugs and where!#im getting ahead of myself#as usual!
341 notes
·
View notes
Text
#iasip#it’s always sunny in philadelphia#meme#they dug their grubby little claws in me and I’ve never known a moment’s peace since (positive)#anmmbposts#sunnyblr#head full many thoughts! but ability to articulate idk her#I read waiting for g*dot for this I’m outlining essays and just too scared to put them together#because I want them to be perfect#I just keep rotating the gang in my brain until then#has this been done
171 notes
·
View notes
Note
Do you remember a time where you thought they might be broken up and why? Like what clues made you question it?
this is gonna sound like i’m bullshitting you but i have literally never had a time where i’ve thought it! i think there have been one or two times where ive run into a song where ive been like oh weird what this feels breakuppy despite everything going on presently which suggest the contrary. but for me ive never been a person hung up on song interpretation so ive always just been able to shelve the song til a later date and to this day there’s never been a song that hasn’t worked with my understanding in the long run
separate from this there have moments been over the years where i felt the kaylor fandom was in trouble, but again, ive always felt a quiet sense of support in one odd way or another over the years and ive seen the tide come in and out enough to know that even if things may change and adapt, we’ll still be here.
#for context i fell down the rabbit hole in early 2018#and maybe i’m in a unique position because i’ve always been preoccupied with side quests that buoyed me in weird ways intentional or not
30 notes
·
View notes
Text
Once again no crafts to update, but here’s those fish I drew yesterday!
#the person behind the yarn#fish#sometimes I draw a new thing and it feels like I’ve unlocked a new skill#like I’ll get a pop up that says unlocked: you can now draw billowing and spots. congratulations!#or something? idk I don’t play many video games so idk how the achievements are worded lol#I am on new meds for my Symptoms Disease and they are helping a lot but there’s always an adjustment period#because when my body starts functioning better than usual my executive function kinda spins out for a while?#it’s getting better! but crafting has been slow#I also got some blood test results back! I test positive for autoimmune antibodies#which is one of the first quantitative blood test results I’ve had EVER in over a decade#I’m trying not to get too excited before I talk to a doc#but it’s actually four different blood test results that are abnormal this time and all four point toward autoimmune#…plus several more that point to me being a little bit anemic
33 notes
·
View notes
Text
Yeah I’m rewatching fantasy high (my beloved) again, so what? What do you mean “it’s a stress response”?
#the stress of graduating college and somehow not being able to find a science teaching position in ANY of the surrounding districts l#it’s actually so upsetting but I’m pretending to be a-okay ✌🏻#I’ve got a substitute teaching job so it’s better than nothing but I was so excited to have my own classroom#it’s just crazy to me because there are ALWAYS science teachers needed I don’t understand what’s happening#anyways so I’ve just been rewatching the ih seasons of d20 and finally made my way back to fantasy high my beloved
23 notes
·
View notes
Text
𓆝 𓆟 𓆞𓆝 𓆟 𓆞
#sorry everyone another spiral/vent incoming#mental health been so bad this week I said fuck it and found a therapist#because I cannot keep living this way it’s ruining my life#like rn I’m terrified to go to sleep bc I’ve convinced myself of a blood clot in my arm 😐 and it’s like realistically it was probably just#cramping bc I did some crafts today in a not great position like in my head I know that’s probably what it is but then there’s always that#little voice saying what if it’s not what if it is actually a clot and you go to bed and die? and what am I supposed to do with that? just#go to bed? I cant. I know unfortunately tonight will be a night where I will stay up until I physically can’t anymore so yay so fun#and it’s like a bunch of little things add up to symptoms in my mind and suddenly I cant remember if my arm has always looked that way or#always been that red etc. it’s so frustrating#why was I cursed to be so stupid and annoying? ugh#not only that I’m extremely nauseous rn ugh#I had to buck up and put my grown man pants on and finally pick a therapist can you believe it’s the#same therapist I’ve been thinking about since I first started looking at the beginning of the year 😐 what is wrong with me man idk why I put#it off for so long but hopefully now I can get the ball rolling on this and work towards being better and maybe even being on meds and#I think it’s bc I didnt wanna do virtual but for rn that would be best for me#please god don’t let it be out the ass expensive#honeslty idek if it’s bc my mental health was bad this week I just had a lot of spirals this week and the past few weeks have been stressful#and I’m just so done with it like I got so annoyed I scheduled/requested appointments I’d been putting off out of fear and now this
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
.
#vent tag#alright I don’t know why I’m venting on main but if I keep screaming into the void I’ll only fuel my self destructiveness#this is kinda hard to read so uh warnings ahead#tw sh related#so um. I broke the promise I made to myself at 12#I cut all over my wrists. I’ve been cutting for years but told myself I’d never reach the wrists because that would’ve been my breaking poi#well.#I’ve reached it.#I’ve reached the breaking point#I keep pushing through doing everything that’s asked of me and not complaining z#with a smile. because better times are coming and I am the change I need#yadda yadda#try to stay positive because my life can be so great#but then I stay home.#with the source of all of my negativity.#and refuse to elaborate on it to my loved ones. because i already do it too much#and so many things happen to every single one of my friends all the time. so I have no right to talk#because it’s too much. and it only makes people feel all too bad for comfort#but I’m tired.#so much happens to me all the time too#even if it’s not as apparent as it can be#so I cut. and I keep stewing in my self hatred. and I keep shouldering what my parents tell me.#my father has been making it Very hard for me lately. he’s almost always the reason I cut these days#of course it’s not only him but that’s not the point#I keep hurting myself over and over because I can’t keep it together anymore#but I have to. my parents need me#my friends need me#I need myself to do the things I have to do#….friends now.#I have almost nobody.
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
Hmmnbmmmmmm. I have some things to say
#I am in. a bit of a weird position rn?#ik there are plenty of self shippers who have partners irl I just. I don’t really? get it??#like I feel very guilty about it?#or like. now that I have a bf should I stop???#self shipping has always been a big comfort for me but obviously I am putting a lot more energy into my actual relationship#but like. do I still make art? do I still write fics? is that disrespectful to him? idk#he has characters he has crushes on too but it’s different because he doesn’t have an entire blog dedicated to how much he loves them#idk I just don’t rlly know how to balance the two?#is it normal to fantasize about being in a relationship with a fictional character when you actually have a partner?????#I was never really expecting to date again so this isn’t something I’ve thought a lot about#idk#♡.bullet proof heart
11 notes
·
View notes
Text
the theories in my drafts 👁️👁️
the theories i haven’t read 👁️👁️
me the past few weeks😴
me now 🔥🔥
#self spaghettificationn#we’re so back <33 (for now)#me when i hyperfixate on the show and am unable to do anything else (so i have been trying to do it not as much lately yk) (but i think it’#at least healthier than the depression i’ve been in lately lmfao#op lore#i was also lowkey recovering from rejection via a parasocial relationship/microfixation i had#before i realized i should be enjoying this for myself not for how other people perceive my content <33#and there are a lot of other cool people who do love and perceive my content in a positive light#so i really shouldn’t let small letdowns get to me even though i often do lol#and i always was lively around friends and felt like doing stuff for myself with them but felt so sad and empty when they left#but i think i just need to start giving MYSELF the time of day TOO!#even if that is a weird time of day. because it’s still A time!! and it’s what works for me <33#so yeah. heres a vent slash motivation depending how you take it#chances are if you’re reading this you’re a cool person too
16 notes
·
View notes
Text
oh. OH. I have POTS (Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome). I definitely fucking have POTS. jesus.
#almost lost consciousness behind the wheel of my car today because i had a random bout of the symptoms being REALLY bad#I’ve never experienced it to that degree before and it was terrifying#and then I’ve been having symptoms ALL DAY.#another thing I’ve never experienced before in my life#it’s been fucking terrifying#and then my roommate said everything I’m describing sounds like POTS#and i finally read the symptoms for it#and everything lines up with what I’ve been experiencing today down to a T.#I guess i just never had too many problems when i was younger because i was always in a position that required physical activity#so my heart’s been pretty healthy#but these past couple years I’ve been SERIOUSLY sedentary#and more and more I’ve been experiencing POTS symptoms#goddammit#deep thoughts by z
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
can’t stop thinking about silver’s final speech to madi describing flint’s unmaking as a description of himself as he returned to madi after thinking she had died. Whatever.
#his relationship w her is insane I refuse to talk abt it any further. but also I feel like I’ve been poisoned#black sails#literally whose mind Id in some ways incorporated into my own. it was a strange experience to see something from it so unexpected.#Edit: ok I’ll explain a little more. if silver truly did kill flint he had to have made all that up. right. right????#so it’s just him. it’s always been him.#he spends the last few episodes arguing that flint and him don’t share a mind that they aren’t the same. but he falls back on it w madi.#because he has to guess what flint would do in that position. but that position (returning to ur ‘dead’ lover) is HIS position#and even if he didn’t kill flint. he’s understanding flint thru his own interpretation#some other people on here have talked about that speech a lot in light of flint being alive and they did it better than me so I won’t#but if he’s dead…… he just makes flint into himself. incorporates him fully and sells it to madi. how could she not believe it? it’s him
7 notes
·
View notes
Text
.
#since today was a little weird idk.. i just wanna make it clear that i do truly love all of dtkq+ and all i’m here for is to support them#and love vlog about them and make my silly little posts and jokes#and if you don’t like me or the things i blog about i am kindly asking you to just unfollow/ block and move on#i also sometimes unfollow people and it is not always with bad intentions i just don’t always wanna see things that make me upset#in other news i’ve been thinking about moving blogs because i truly want my experience on here to be as positive as possible#and i feel like because i have a lot of followers now and anons send me hate unprompted that’s not always possible#i’m very attached to this blog though so we’ll see#anyways lots of love and please try to be kind because we are all dealing with our own shit and this should be our silly little escape to#talk about some silly little guys
20 notes
·
View notes
Text
idk how to explain this but psychic gives me toxic chill male bsf vibes
#fnf psychic#friday night funkin#analysis#<- tentative tag lmao#whenever the dearests and bf are arguing he’s like ohmygodddd can we all just like…chILL#he doesn’t want to address the underlying causes of gf’s differences with her father.#he just wants things to smooth over and go back to normal bc to him that WAS the healthiest happiest time.#he’s aware that things have never really been right but he doesn’t know how to fix it when things have gotten so fragile#it’s like glass to him.#he wants a safe target for his frustration and resentment that’s been building up#so he takes it out on bf. not by actively confronting him or anything; he just quietly seethes while keeping up the facade of someone who—#—doesn’t care#he has strong opinions but only expresses them when he cares enough; when he feels like it’ll actually make a difference#which ends up being almost never BECAUSE he doesn’t bother to speak up when he could have#it’s like forced positivity but instead it’s just…forced normalcy. forced permanence.#he’s scared of things changing bc to him it can only ever get worse#psychic had nothing. thanks to dd he has everything now. and he doesn’t want to tip the scales#the uncertainty of how things will turn out must be reminiscent of hell to him. the way I see it at least#I assume he always had to anticipate death and be ready to go out fighting if he couldn’t claw his way to safety#and when dd showed up and helped him escape that changed his outward perception of the world#but deep down inside he’s still got the same mindset. it’s this or nothing. it’s the steady life he’s built with the dearests or it’s hell#and bf threatens that in a way psychic never could have foreseen bc of the way he’s grown up; the mindsets that have become facts of life#and that’s why psychic hates bf so much but he’s so Chill about it. he Doesn’t Care. and he doesn’t know this but that’s not helping#he’s gf’s toxic chill male bsf#i dunno man it’s 5 in the morning and I’ve just had sehri. im going to bed
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
need him to call me pretty and have him fawn over me a little bit like i do him
#spookyshipping#askhdsgjjv…… boyfriend on brain. valentines day is always a little difficult for me but we stay silly and try to be positive despite that#i am. having a week to say the least#short one school wise!! i get an extra long weekend so maybe i can try and get better but wow does my whole body hurt#and wow are my feelings definitely Feeling#anyway. boyfriend. have i babbled about how pretty he is recently#he has such pretty brown eyes waghh :((#i wanted to do something for us today but i’ve just been so buuusy and overwhelmed and blehhh#maybe we’ll do something this weekend if i’m feeling up for it… go out to eat or go to some fun stores or something#hopefully for now he won’t be too dissatisfied with cuddling and sweet words until i can get him an actual present….#i like thinking about him calling me pretty and stuff like that. sometimes it’s hard to believe stuff like that but#imagining that it’s *him* specifically saying it to me changes it a little. makes it feel sweeter and more genuine#also feels a little absurd because he’s the one saying that as if he isn’t the prettiest thing ever!!!#siiiigh. i love him your honor#would melt if he said anything even slightly positive or nice sbout me >_<
4 notes
·
View notes