#i’m very attached to this blog though so we’ll see

[faehrys]

.

[shdo-xplosion]

☼masterlist☼

02 <- ☼ -> 04

warnings: 1.6k, captivity, restraints, non-con, forced orgasms, forced lactation, fingering, exhibitionism/voyeurism, toys, fisting, gape, orgasm torture

notes: this one took me a while because i could not find a good place to write it ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) but here ya go! this is gross! (also i have zero experience with lactation, but this is sci-fi so let’s just pretend)

tags: @ssplague @makepastanotwar13 @kaidabakugou @kiarathace @kllrkitty @itachiwho @siempre-entre-dos-opciones-blog @clerdecat

let me know if you would (or would not) like to be tagged, but you must have your age somewhere visible on your blog!

You don’t know how long it is before Kat returns, no way to tell when it’s day or night (or even if this planet has days and nights, how long they may last). A different alien had come in some time ago to clean you, or so you assume. It had spread some sort of gel over the exposed parts of your body, the substance tingling then drying by itself.

The creature had also given you something, held a gun shaped object to your thigh, aimed right at your femoral artery, and shot you with what you guess to be sustenance considering the way your appetite was suddenly satiated.

Despite not feeling as drained as before, headache and stomach cramps having subsided, your heart drops when you see Kat walk in followed by two others that you vaguely recognize from when your crew had first arrived.

He thinks their names before you have to ask, and the closest you can get is Deku and Kiri. Both are even larger than Kat, a fact that makes you swallow nervously. He had told you he would find better ways to stretch you. Is this how? Are they going to…?

No. They’re just here to watch.

Also scary but not as bad as it could be.

Kat fiddles with the panel behind you again, tightening restraints, spreading your legs, just like last time. You already know that any struggling is useless, so you focus more on your breathing. In through the nose, out through the mouth.

The device on your chest has been active for some time, and though Kat doesn’t adjust anything on that, he does uncoil two clear tubes—the ones you saw attached to Kendou, and connects them to the smaller ones that sit right over your nipples.

I’ve never been pregnant… you won’t be able to get anything from me, you try, knowing damn well that pregnancy isn’t the only way to induce lactation.

I’m sure we’ll get plenty, Kat thinks with a huff.

You feel the machine initiate a light suction that makes you bite your lip, and when Kat walks around you to take up his place between your legs, you can see the smirk on his face.

A new set of tools is brought out this time, similar balls and speculum but other items that vary in size. They look very similar to a certain kind of toy you used to pleasure yourself with at home, except you never tried to use anything as big as some of these. Two of the oblong shapes look doable, but after that they start to get… intimidating.

You tense at the first touch, fingers tracing up and down your folds.

You either relax now or I make you, he tells you. Threatens you, more like.

You don’t doubt him. He learned how to unravel you last time, and judging by the way his finger lightly circles your clit, he retained all that information.

He teases for a little while, speaking to his comrades in their native tongue. Part of you wishes you could understand what he’s saying while another part is glad you can’t. Who knows what he’s telling them about you and your pussy?

You want to cry when you feel yourself throb, know that Kat can feel your wetness when he pushes a finger into your heat.

Like I told you… relaxed. He must be referring to the way your legs stop trembling.

It doesn’t feel good, doesn’t feel good, you repeat more to yourself than to him. Natural reaction, biological response. You need these reminders. You need to know that it isn’t the alien who’s making your skin hot, making you want more.

Kat adds another finger, scissors them, pulls out only to stretch your hole with different digits. He grunts something and you hear heavy footsteps, the other two creatures coming closer in order to watch, to look inside of you.

You clench your muscles as if it’ll do anything to hide your intimacy, but all it does is make the first bit of slick leak out of you. All three aliens make curious noises, something more appreciative coming from Kat when he rubs a finger through your folds, gathering the liquid.

To your horror, he raises his finger to his face to sniff it, examining it for a moment before poking his forked tongue out and licking it.

Deku and Kiri are suddenly shouting at him in alarm. Maybe they think it’s poison, a defense mechanism. That’s an amusing idea.

Taste good, Kat thinks, and you’re horrified at the pleasure that rolls through you. You don’t want him to enjoy the taste. Fuck, what if it makes him want to eat you?

I just might. His mouth is lifted up on one side, the edge of a fang poking out.

He uses the speculum first, stretching you slowly, so slowly, until your hole is opened wide enough for him to slide one of the long shapes inside of you. There’s even room to spare, prompting him to switch the tool for a bigger one. You feel the speculum against your walls rather than the insert, but that changes when Kat removes both to replace them with the next size up.

You moan, eyes squeezed shut. This is all I can take, you think to yourself. I can’t fit anything bigger.

Yeah, you can.

Kat moves the tool in and out of you, fucking you with it as your noises rise in volume and pitch. Oh, it feels good. It feels too good, and it only gets better when he flicks your clit. Your arousal streams down your folds and ass followed by squirt when Kat begins moving faster.

“Fuck fuck fuck.” It comes out as a whisper. You don’t want any of them to hear. Not that it matters since they—or at least Kat—knows what you’re thinking.

Another, girthier tool (at this point you feel they’re more like toys) takes the other’s place, and tears prick your eyes as you feel your flesh stretch even more. You have no idea how wide your hole is at this point, but you do know you’ve never had something this big inside of you. You also know you’ve never experienced the sensation you’re feeling in your tits.

Kat has enough understanding to go slowly, keep working your muscles and not just shove into you. You’re embarrassingly wet, letting the toy slide in and out of you with ease, and soon you’re even trying to buck into it.

You’re close to an orgasm. You can feel it building inside of you. And then it disappears when Kat stops pumping, leaving the tool inside of you and watching as you whimper and clench around it.

Push it out, he commands. I wanna see your cunt work.

You whine out loud and sniffle, unable to mask your shameful thought: but I don’t want it out of me.

Push it out and I’ll make you cum.

Bearing down as best you can, you groan and push, again feeling how large the object is as it slowly slides out of you. When it falls between your legs you let out a sob, inhaling raggedly when Kat touches you again. Fingers delve inside of you but it’s only to open you up. No part of his hands are touching, and though you can’t see what he sees, you know you must be stretched obscenely wide.

The three aliens peer into your guts, and you’ve never felt more exposed. You’re morbidly curious at your state, what Kat has done to your pussy, and in a silent answer to your question he releases your folds and begins pushing fingers into you. Two… three… four… oh god, five… and you take another without issue. You must be gaping, loose enough to—Christ, he starts fisting you. His whole hand is inside of you, making squirt splash out of your cunt. The way your body greedily takes what he’s giving you is absurd, and the way it makes you climb closer to your peak is even more so.

Wanna feel you clench around me. Can you do that?

You nod, back arching. He’s literally bruising your insides, and you’re loving it.

When you cum, it’s like nothing you’ve ever experienced. Your hole opens wider as if begging for Kat to push further, and a geyser of fluid sprays from between your legs. At the same time, you feel a tightness in your nipples as milk is pushed from them. Your jaw drops open in awe as you watch the white droplets get sucked up the tubing attached to you. He was right. It actually worked.

Could play with your cunt all day, Kat thinks as you take a shuddering breath. I think I might.

You feel weak as you raise your head to look at him, your face sticky with drying tears. I don’t…

He wiggles his fingers inside of you, cutting off any argument you thought you had.

There’s no way to tell how long he’s there with you, long enough for Kiri and Deku to grow bored and leave, but Kat stays, making you cum again. And again. And again.

The table is drenched and so are you and so is he, your juices dripping down his chest and into his lap. You cry and beg him to stop, so lightheaded, so sore. Every orgasm is paired with lactation. The first couple climaxes only produce drops at a time, but eventually you’re spewing enough milk to coat the tubes. All you want to do is hold your tender breasts, cover your nipples and soothe them, but it’s not an option. Instead Kat just keeps making you cum, keeps milking you, until all that’s left for you to do is pass out.

2023©️shdo-xplosion. please do not plagiarize or repost my work to any other platforms.

[girltigerclaw]

breaking into ur house rn

top ten characters and bottom ten. reasons are optional

I just finished this chart thing i think i actually stole from your blog a few months ago <3 Slightly edited to my own prefs.

If anyone wants the template check the reblogs, and feel free to add you own. I'd love to see. I'm just rambling under here:

Leafpool: She is more special and sacred than the virgin mary. She has everything. Daughter of the first protagonist, ex boyfriend for me to hate, TONS of wlw situationships<3, a lifetime of tragedy, and some of the most gorgeous canon art to exist.

Crookedstar: Crookedstar is a trans woman to me. Her life is genuinely just so tragic and fucked, I love it. The erins asked: “How much truama, death and misfortune can you fit into a single cat?” and then they wrote Crookedstar’s promise.

Tawnypelt: GIRLS WHO HATE THEIR FATHERS. The erins dont love her like I do.

Tallstar: I love old men… I fucking love seeing older characters and how much they’ve changed from their younger selves. Tallstar is considered one of, if not the most peaceful leader in the clans. But also when he was like 19 he went on a quest to fucking murder a guy :3

Cloudstar: I rlly do not care abt anyone in Skyclan(I like Leafstar but she's not a fav yknow?) Cloudstar... he was based as fuck. Why did Starclan get away with this shit for real??

Scourge: It’s fucking Scourge. He’s awesome

Briarlight: I’m disabled and I love her. She has such a consistent fun, sweet personality and she makes me happy!!<3

RavenBarley: It deserves all the attention and hype it gets. Though I wish mlm ships didn’t overshadow wlw ones in this fandom, RavenBarley is genuinely well written and makes me very emotional even if the publisher didnt allow it to be explicitly canon.

CrookedBlue: TRANS WOMEN CROOKEDSTAR YURI. Two leaders having a forbidden relationship and kits is way more interesting than Oakheart. The angst of Crooked and Blue sitting next to eachother every gathering while the entire forest has their eyes on them. Don’t look for too long, don’t let the mourning slip into your voice. You have to pretend your lover is a stranger. You… have become strangers. You can never be together again. You're enemies now. This is what we wanted, isn’t it? …We’ll never be happy again.

Mothwing: Her novella delving into her relationship with Hawkfrost was so good and heartbreaking.

Heathertail: Daughter of leader, sister of a major villian, and former love interest of a protagonist! Why did she fall off the second po3 ended. She’s shown to be very compassionate and willing to put her own feelings aside for the sake of others. Would’ve honestly prefered her as a mate to Lionblaze or get a pov herself over the nothing we got.

Blackstar: *Murders an elderly woman trying to stop me from kidnapping children. Supports a dictator openly abusing/neglecting children and the elderly. Murders a man for refusing to kill mixed raced children- then tells said man’s sister that she will never be safe.* Man…. i sure do feel bad for abusing and killing all of those people…. Good thing I will face no consequences and proceed to be made leader, where I will have even more power over the wellbeing of others.

I hate. This guy.

The New Prophecy: A classic. My first series was actually tnp! i feel more attached to first arc cats tho, if you couldn't already tell by my list lmao

Johanna Map- Best Tawnypelt content out there

BlueQuince: My personal handcrafted, homemade Yuri. Bluefur feels terrible about Tiny going missing and promises Quince she’ll help her find him. They never did, but they had a very… fleeting but intimate relationship. Quince is grieving and Bluefur feels so overwhelmed by the duties in her clan. They’ve always thought of eachother since but never met again.

Tigerclaw: My name sake<3 The angst of his earlier life is so, so facinating to me. Starclan being straight fucked up and decided killing him is their only option? He was a kid and they saw him as a lost cause from the start. They never tried any other methods, never tried to steer him in the right direction or… even just take it into their own hands and kill him themself, which they have SHOWN they’re capable of.

They watched all the the horrific crimes he commited, entirely aware they were going to happen. Thats. Fucking. Horrifying. Starclan is scary as shit… and his death? FANTASTIC. I only wish he’d gotten lives from cats he killed so that him coming back to life to suffer over and over was an actual curse from Starclan and not blessings. They knew how he would die and they gave him the lives to torture him for his sins…

Flywhisker: Adhd girlies. Painfully relate to that feeling of the constant scolding for never being “good enough” because I prefer to do things a certain way or struggle to focus. So, SO happy for her when she left the clans! You don’t have to prove yourself to anyone! Hope she’s happy and warm indoors with her brother💕

(P.S. I was very suprised to find she actually had an official art piece!)

Bluestar: Get behind me women with mental disorders. I will defend you. Beautifully complex and tragic character, my favorite written in the series. Literally can't think of a single other female character in handled as seriously and with the complexity of Bluestar. (Although her super edition was a bit of an L with how others treated her, it ultimately makes her breakdown even more painful.)

Exile from Shaodwclan: Nightstar my beloved! He's such a great guy. The rightful leader of Shadowclan, always and forever.

Ravenpaw's Farewell: HE DIED IN BARLEY'S ARMS, TELLING HIM HE WILL FIND HIM, NO MATTER WHERE HE IS. FUCK.

Crookedstar art: So beautiful. I genuinely think she's one of the prettiest cats in the series. This along with her official art by Wayne Mcloughlin.

Leopardstar: As a kid I hated her and loved Blackfoot, now I hate Blackfoot and love her. #feminism. But seriously I think she has way more going for her than he ever has. Her father is a medicine cat who hates violence, the DRASTIC change in Riverclan's view of outsiders upon Crookedstar's death and her leadership. Her already having a position of power before proving she's unworthy of it. (Unlike Blackstar who gets rewarded for his racism and violence by being made leader afterwards) and the fact she has to interact with her victims on a daily basis after what she did.

The writings attempts to redeem her are really lame and dismissive of the actually damage she did, but at the very least they TRIED to do something else with her. Personally, I would have loved to see her assassinated by Mistyfoot. Just like her mother Bluestar was almost killed all those moons ago by Tigerclaw... The parallels of violence for power and violence for peace. A victim repeating the actions of the very man who killed her brother to put an end to what he started in Riverclan.... A shadow in Riverclan, if you will. (<-Pretending erin hunter has hired me to rewrite their series)

Windclan: Tunneling as a concept and inviting outsiders into their clan so friendly and casual makes the clan seems so much more diverse than the others. It always stuck out to me!

Andddd there are my current warrior cat options as of 2023! If someone actually read this whole ramble ily<3

[tearfallpixie]

Trust and Love - Side Chapter: Accidents and Acceptance

Tags: @nerdraging4point0 @thesazzb @synthetic-wasp-570 @circle-with-me @beaker1636 @itsjustemily @witchyweeb34 @agravemisstake @cookiesupplier @cncohshit @faceless-mirror @nonamessblog @yournecessaryevil @black-damask1999

@lyschko666 @vinyardmauro @skulliecadaver-blog @some-daniela @latenightmusiclover @rye14-blog1 @somewhere-diamond @Shilohrosechicken @abiomens @awkwardalex @rumoured-whispers @miss570

“I’m sorry that we have to leave you mama.” Vinny murmured. “You’ll be joining us in a few days though when tour starts. It wont be long.” I hugged Vin tight as a few tears slipped my eyes.

“I just hate being parted from you two.” I sniffled.

“I know. Just a couple of days and you’ll see us again.” I nodded as his thumbs brushed my cheeks to wipe the tears away. “No tears mama. You know I hate it when you cry.” The announcement for Vinny’s flight to board sounded and I started to pull away. “Come on, one kiss.” He teased. “I can’t leave without a proper goodbye.” I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him down to kiss me soundly.

“Fly safe. I love you.”

“I love you too mama.” He picked up his bag and kissed the back of my hand before heading to the terminal and disappearing down the hall. I waited until the plane took off before heading back to the car and going back to our empty house. I sighed and hung my keys up as my phone rang. I looked at it to see Ricky was calling me.

“Hi baby, how are you? Vinny’s on the plane.” I greeted him.

“I figured as much. Have you been on twitter?” He said in a stiff voice.

“No, what happened?” I asked slowly.

“I sent you a post. Go look at it.” I pulled the phone away from my head and clicked on the twitter icon. I went to my messages and clicked on the one Ricky sent me only to gasp. It was a tweet tagging Ricky and attached to the tweet was a very clear pic of Vinny and I kissing.

“Fuck. We were out of the way. I thought no one could see us!” I exclaimed. “Ricky, I’m so sorry.”

“Baby girl, its ok.” He chuckled. “I figured something like this was going to happen sooner or later. None of us have been very careful. Now the question is how do we proceed? We should probably tell the fans because judging by the 9 thousand likes and counting on the photo, we can’t just cover this up and ask the person to remove it.” Ricky suggested.

“Can you and Vinny skype me tonight? We can all discuss it together.” Ricky nodded and looked at the time. “Tell him when he lands. He should be with you in two hours. He’s going to feel horrible.”

“I’ll take care of him and we’ll talk tonight. I love you baby girl.” Ricky said.

“I love you too baby.”

~

Vinny did not handle the news well and apologized to Ricky a thousand times when the guitarist picked him up. Ricky grabbed his arm and had to haul him to the car to get him to leave the airport.

“Vin, it’s ok.” Ricky repeated again. “You deserve to say goodbye to her too when you leave. We’re going to skype her tonight and discuss what we are going to do. It’s not going to be that big of a deal.” They got to the hotel in record time and headed up to their room for the next few days. Ricky picked up his laptop from the bed and set it on the desk, opening skype immediately as Vinny put his stuff away. “Hey, baby girl. Vin’s in the bathroom.” He said when I answered. The drummer popped his head out and waved to the camera.

“Looks like we caused a little bit of drama while I was flying mama.” Vinny snickered.

“Looking at the 21 thousand likes I would say so.” I giggled. “So what do you want to do? I agree with Ricky that we need to be honest with the fans. I’m just worried how they will take it. I’ve already seen hundreds of tweets calling me a whore and a cheater.” I grumbled.

“Baby girl, stop reading them. They will only make things worse.” I sighed and nodded.

“Why don’t you grab my streaming gear and fly out here and we can do an impromptu stream tomorrow to explain everything.” Vinny suggested.

“Everything? Even you two?” I asked in shock.

“It might make things a little easier to swallow knowing that it isn’t just Vinny with you and you with me.” Ricky pondered.

“But the band doesn’t even know about you two.” The only person that had given any indication that they new about Ricky and Vinny’s relationship was Finnick, Vinny’s old roommate.

“Well they are about to find out.” Vinny snickered.

“Are you two prepared for the backlash we are going to get because its inevitable.” Ricky asked. “Between people going to be pissed that she gets both of us and calling her a whore or calling us greedy its going to be bad for a while.”

“As far as I’m concerned, our decisions are all I care about. I married both of you knowing this might be a possibility down the line so I am willing to put up with anything.” I told them.

“Same here. I’m not ever letting some stupid fans get between us.” Vinny confirmed.

“Good. Vinny and I will lay low for a while and we will have Logan pick you up from the airport. Don’t go making out with him too. We have enough chaos to deal with here.” Ricky teased.

“I make no promises. His blond hair is so pretty.” I giggled.

“Good night baby girl.” Ricky rumbled.

“Night you two. I love you.”

“We love you too Mama.” I closed my laptop and went to pack up the necessities for Vinny to stream in my bag. I crawled in my big empty bed and tossed and turned for an hour before I was able to get somewhat comfortable. I wasn’t use to sleeping alone anymore because usually I had at least one of my boys with me.

~

“Logan.” I walked over to him, and he pulled me into a hug.

“Hey little miss. I thought you weren’t supposed to come out for a few days and then Ricky said there was drama and you needed to come out now. Is everything ok?” He asked. I pulled out my phone and showed him the tweet as I pulled my bag off the baggage claim. “Got it.”

“I thought we were out of sight of people but apparently, I was wrong. We’re doing a big stream announcement this afternoon to explain it to the fans. They currently hate me for hurting their precious Ricky.” I giggled. We started walking out to the parking lot shoulder to shoulder.

“Like they know the ins and outs of his feelings.” He scoffed. “They are lucky you are willing to explain this to them.” I rolled my eyes and agreed with him.

“It will also paint Vin in a bad light if we don’t confront the rumors because he is stealing his best friends wife.” I offered.

“That’s fair. Lets get you back to your boys so you can deal with this.” We loaded up and headed to the hotel where Ricky and Vinny were waiting for me in the lobby. They immediately pulled me into their arms and held me tightly.

“I’ve missed you baby girl.” Ricky murmured. He had been gone for a week before Vinny left so he could visit his family before the tour so I hadn’t seen him for a bit. He pulled me into a kiss and I noticed a flash from the side. We pulled away to see a couple of fans outside the hotel taking pics. “Let them think what they want. It will be cleared up soon.”

“I missed you too Ricky. I don’t like being parted.” I mumbled.

“Next time you two are going to come with me to Washington and I will explain everything to my parents in detail.” They had come to the wedding and they had met me on several occasions but they didn’t know the nature of our relationship with Vinny. They just thought he was our roommate for the time being. We all entered the room and I handed my carry on to Vinny.

“I brought the streaming stuff on the plane with me because I didn’t want it to get damaged under the other luggage.” I explained. He pulled me into a deep kiss.

“You are a fucking angel. Let me set up.” He started setting up and leveling the equipment, so it was balanced and an hour later we were all set up. “Ok Ricky. Attach your computer and pull up twitch. I’ll log in and we can start.” Vinny went to put on some actual clothes seeing as he was still in his sleep shirt and sweats. When he came back he was in his signature cargo pants and baggy shirt. He logged into his account and waved us off to the side so we were out of camera. He kicked on the stream and sat there as he posted it to his social media accounts, allowing people to get on. Ricky clicked the link on his phone and shared it to his as well.

@Rickyolsonx: Hey guys, Vin has a huge announcement in this stream. You should check it out. [link attached]

“Hey guys, I know surprise stream and I’m obviously not in my house right now. It will all be explained here in a bit. I won’t be answering any questions until more people are here.” He said to the growing crowd. Ricky and I watched his phone with a frown as people were saying mean things to him about hurting Ricky and kissing me. I could tell it was bothering him.

“Ricky is advertising my stream? There is a reason for that.” It was a few minutes later when there were easily a thousand people in the stream. “Ok, I think I can start explaining. Look, the photo is not faked. It was real and I did kiss Olive. However, it isn’t what you think.” He looked around at us and jerked his head. We moved into the camera and waved awkwardly. Ricky knelt next to the desk as Vinny pulled me into his lap. I watched as the chat went crazy with hello’s and questions.

“Guys, to clarify, I am very aware of their relationship.” Ricky started out. I noticed Chris in the chat and pointed it out to Vinny and Rick who grinned. “Well it looks like he’ll find out then.”

“I bet the band is watching with him.” Vinny grinned.

ChrisCMotionless: Should I get them?

“Probably. We’re about to drop a bombshell that even you guys don’t know about.” Ricky answered him.

ChrisCMotionless: I’m worried now. Let me get the other boys.

“This just got a whole lot more interesting.” Vinny mumbled. Ricky pulled out his phone and pulled up the camera.

"Update, I'm here in Vinny's stream, we're gonna talk about what's been going on." He turned to show the stream before he ended the video and posted it to his social media.

ChrisCMotionless: Ok they are here.

“Ok, let us explain. Yes I kissed Olive yesterday in the airport. That is because she and I are in a relationship.” Vinny started.

ChrisCMotionless: Oh, big shock.

“Watch it Cerulli or we’ll mute you, asshole.” Ricky snapped playfully.

BeeforV: So you two are dating but shes married to Ricky?

“BeeforV, yes exactly. We are in a poly relationship. Ricky and her have been together for almost two years. I’ve been with her for about a year and few months. But the part that the band doesn’t know about is that-“ Vinny trailed off and part of me thought he was getting cold feet. I looked at him to see him frowning.

“Vin, you ok?” Ricky asked, touching his arm.

“Listen here Brady, you little shit.” Vinny snarled to chat. “I don’t care what your opinion is of our relationship. The only opinion that matters is Ricky’s, Olivia’s and mine. But I will not have you calling her a whore just because you don’t like how we handle our lives. Mods get rid of him and anyone that says anything disrespectful about her, Ricky or me.” He clung to me a little tighter and buried his nose into my neck to help him calm down.

NicholeMotionless: Vinny being protective and all cuddly of Olive is adorable.

Willinmotionless: So what was the other thing you were going to share.

Vin let out a little growl making Ricky chuckle. He stood up and pulled the extra chair up next to us.

“Are you ok to keep going Vin?” Ricky asked softly. Vin shrugged and didn’t make a move to pull away from me. “The other bomb shell we were going to drop was that-“ Ricky took a deep breath, “Vinny and I are also together.” The chat went insane and for a minute none of us could read a single message. I could tell Vinny was peaking at the chat from my neck but otherwise we all stayed quiet. I tried to see if there were any messages from Chris but I couldn’t catch his name.

“Guys, I love Olivia and Vinny with everything in me. If it weren’t for a fan catching their kiss yesterday, you would not know about this. However, I won’t have her or him attacked because of our relationship.” Ricky told the chat.

ChrisCMotionless: You and Vin? That shouldn’t surprise me at all. The entire crew is happy for you three.

I let out a sigh of relief and pointed out the message. I could tell that Vinny relaxed after seeing it too because he started to sit up.

“Thank you, Chris. It means a lot. We’ll come talk to you after the stream.” Vinny said.

“I don’t know what more there is to say. I love you both and that’s what this was about. To just explain the kiss yesterday. No one is cheating on anyone, and we are all happy together. If you can’t support us and our relationship then forget the band. Because I guarantee you, Chris, Justin and Ryan will support these boys to the end of their careers.” I finally spoke.

ChrisCMotionless: Got that fucking right. Their happiness is more important to us than anything.

“We love you guys. And we hope you support us.” Ricky said to the camera.

KitKatCathy: Can we see you kiss before you leave?

“I’m pretty sure you have definitely seen me and Olive kiss before.” Ricky teased before pulling me into a sweet kiss. Vinny shifted until he was sitting a little straighter and pulled me into a kiss too. The chat was spammed with ‘awes’ and people calling us cute.

“I think they’ll get mad if you two don’t amuse them too.” I giggled. Both Ricky and Vinny looked at each other with wide eyes.

“No, I’m sure they don’t-“ The chat spammed with confirmation, halting Vinnys words in his throat.

“The fans want what they want.” Ricky shrugged. I bounced off of the drummer’s lap and moved back to the bed. I could tell they were hesitant, and it made me giggle a little.

“Ricky just kiss your boyfriend already.” I laughed. He glanced back at me before rolling his eyes and grabbing Vinnys neck and pulling them together. The kiss was sweet at first until Vinny’s hands grabbed Rickys shirt and pulled him closer. I glanced down at Rickys phone that we had abandoned on the bed to see the chat losing their shit until it froze and the stream crashed. “Hey you two? You broke stream. Literally.” Vinny and Ricky pulled away from each other and looked at the computer. They both slumped into their seats in shock and stared at it for a few minutes.

“Wow.” Vinny finally uttered. I snuck up behind them.

“By the way, that kiss was hot.” Both of them jumped and looked back at me. I giggled and dashed away as they both tried to leap out of their chairs and grab me. We chased each other around the room for a few minutes until the door opened and Chris walked in. I dashed behind him and grabbed his jacket. “Chris protect me!” I begged.

“Chris.” Ricky said dangerously. “Give us the instigator.”

“Who?” Chris smirked. Justin had gotten up behind me and went to grab my waist, but Chris swung us around and faced him, looping an arm around me to keep me behind him. “Don’t.” He said sharply.

“Right. You don’t like to be touched. I’m so sorry Olive!” Justin freaked out.

“It’s ok. Thank you for stopping him, Chris. Justin, I don’t blame you. It’s easy to forget.” Familiar hands grabbed my waist and pulled me back into a firm chest.

“Think you are funny?” Vinny asked quietly in my ear. He pulled me into a kiss before we all moved to sit around the room. I found myself sitting in-between Ricky and Vinny on the bed as Chris sat on the end of the bed and Justin and Ryan took the chairs.

“So why didn’t you tell us that you two were together? I mean we are pretty accepting.” Chris questioned. Vinny and Ricky looked at each other before looking back at the band.

“We don’t know. We didn’t really think about it. Before we were both dating Liv it was more of just us fooling around and using each other as stress relief.” Vinny explained.

“Then all that shit happened with her ex, we made the decision to move in together and when she wasn’t with us, we still gravitated to each other at night.” Ricky continued. “Our relationship has always been more about Olive than each other. We only started dating each other about a month before we proposed actually.”

“I’m sorry you guys had to come out like this.” Ryan said honestly.

“We talked about it last night. We had a feeling something like this would happen so we aren’t too torn up about it. We just hope the fans are understanding.” Ricky brushed it off.

“The response seemed pretty positive on chat.” Justin offered.

“I guess time will tell. This is going to affect the band though. Our fans might turn, our monthly listeners might drop. We will get hounded from all sides.” Ricky pointed out.

“It doesn’t matter. Do we support them?” Chris asked Ryan and Justin who immediately said yes. “Then whatever happens we handle it together. You three are our family and that’s more important than any fans we will ever have.” Ricky moved to the end of the bed and wrapped Chris in a hug, quickly joined by Justin, Ryan and Vinny. Vinny looked at me and held out his hand.

“They are safe.” He murmured. I grinned and took his hand to be pulled into the hug. These were my family and I wouldn’t trade them for the world. In that moment I couldn’t ask for a better group of people to call mine.

[the-himawari]

A3! Citron - Translation [SSR] MANKAI Memory (3/3)

*Please read disclaimer on blog; default name set as Izumi

---

*ding dong*  

Izumi: Coming.  

*door opens*  

Tangerine: Henlo.  

Mika: Gree-tings.

Izumi: Tangerine-kun and Mika-san!? What gives!?  

Tangerine: Long time no see, Director! We have a delivery!  

Mika: <Is Citronia-sama presesnt…?>  

Izumi: Errm, he must be asking about Citron-kun? I think he’s in his room.  

Citron: OH!? What are you two doing here!?  

Izumi: Ah, Citron-kun and Guy-san. Perfect timing.  

Guy: <…Did you two personally bring the item that we requested earlier?>  

Mika: <Yes. We heard it was a precious item of Citronia-sama’s. We brought it with us to prevent it from breaking.>  

Izumi: (They’re speaking in Zafran so I can’t understand… I wonder what they’re talking about.)  

Citron: Director. I asked Mika to send my memorable item for the birthday bromide, and the two of them brought it over for me!  

Izumi: Ahh, so that explains that!  

Citron: With this, I’m all step for my photoshoot!  

Izumi: All set, right!  

Citron: <You two have my gratitude. I never expected you would come all the way to Japan. Did you have a smooth journey?>  

Tangerine: <It was no problem. Besides, your birthday is approaching, so I wanted to congratulate you in person.> <It is a little early but happy birthday, nii-sama!>  

Mika: <Happy birthday from me as well.>  

Citron: <Yes, thank you.>  

-pause-  

Sakuya: Citron-san, happy birthday!  

Tsuzuru: Happy birthday.  

Itaru: HBD.  

Citron: Much thanks, everyone! I am so, so happy~!  

Chikage: By the way, it was a surprise when Prince Tangerine and Mika showed up out of the blue the other day.  

Izumi: I was surprised too!  

Citron: Same here. I was clutched they celebrated my birthday with me as well.  

Itaru: It’s touched, not clutched.  

Citron: That’s it! But Tangerine was attached to Masumi like usual, so I felt a bit lonely~.  

Masumi: He crawled into my bed again. It was annoying.  

Citron: That’s not fair, Masumi~!  

Tsuzuru: Anyways, the item the two of them brought was the radio cassette player shown in the bromide, right?  

Citron: That’s right! I happened to stumble upon it in the library a long time ago. The service staff never figured out who left it there or who it belonged to.  

Chikage: Service staff… I guess that’s that.  

Citron: In any case, I was able to study Japanese by listening to the cassette tape inside it over and over again.  

Sakuya: Hey, maybe the radio’s owner saw you practicing and decided to leave it there.  

Citron: Oh. That would be very dramatic if true!  

Izumi: You said the voices on the cassette tape were acting, right?  

Citron: Yes!  

Itaru: That must’ve been what they call a radio drama.  

Izumi: The cassette you happened to find was Japanese… And what’s more, they were acting out a play. What a mysterious encounter.  

Citron: Right~? Then years later, I came to Japan and realized I really do like this country after all. Spending time with all of you and learning so much about Japan has made me love it even more.  

Izumi: Citron-kun…  

Option 1: “Let’s keep learning lots together”

Izumi: Let’s keep learning lots together.  

Citron: Of course! I love going out to all sorts of different places and learning new things with all of you!  

Sakuya: There’s a lot of times when Citron-san’s suggestions will be the trigger for all of us to do something or go somewhere together.  

Tsuzuru: That’s true. Sometimes he says things that are way out of left field, but that’s also what makes Citron, Citron.  

Chikage: I suppose Citron’s curiosity and ability to take initiative is what takes us all over the place.  

Masumi: Getting swept around can be a pain too though.  

Itaru: But that’s not a bad thing either, right? We’ll be looking forward to all of Citron’s interesting ideas to come.  

Citron: Yes, leave it to me!  

Option 2: “I fell in love with Zafra too”

Izumi: Thanks to Citron-kun, I fell in love with Zafra too.  

Citron: Really!? I am delighted to hear you say that! Just like Japan, Zafra has its fair share of wonderful charms. Let’s visit Zafra again together.  

Izumi: For sure!  

Citron: How about a secret date with just the two of us next time? I can’t wait~.  

Citron: But looking back now, when we first met, my Japanese was full of mistakes and I caused a lot of rubble for everyone.  

Tsuzuru: Yeahh, nothing’s changed. It’s trouble, not rubble.  

Masumi: It’s way too off like usual.  

Itaru: Even so, I think he’s improved a lot compared to the very beginning.  

Sakuya: Citron-san has learned all sorts of difficult Japanese words and proverbs!  

Itaru: Even though he makes mistakes with regular Japanese, he speaks anime and game-talk like a true pro.  

Chikage: Well, perhaps that’s also a part of who Citron is.  

Izumi: Fufu, I agree.  

Citron: Everyone, I would appreciate it if you would keep teaching me correct Japanese from here on out!

---

previous |

[0011100101110011]

I posted 428 times in 2022

82 posts created (19%)

346 posts reblogged (81%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@-poeticallybitter

@-ancientsstudies

@-corvase

@-wedarkacademia

I tagged 182 of my posts in 2022

#writing - 47 posts

#rp meme - 45 posts

#writing prompts - 43 posts

#sentence starters - 42 posts

#dialogue - 40 posts

#prompts - 40 posts

#roleplay meme - 40 posts

#angst - 29 posts

#fluff - 27 posts

#angst rp meme - 25 posts

Longest Tag: 130 characters

#lmao look at this cutesy aesthetic with a cutesy gif with the deep & edgy quote ‘watercolor eyes’ (no hate to lana i promise /srs)

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

˗ˏˋprompts : meet cuteˎˊ˗

A fell asleep on public transport. B is sitting right next to them, and as they see the next stop coming up, they wake A up to ask if it’s their stop. (bonus points if B caught glimpses of them while they slept, adoring how peaceful they looked!)

A lost something in public and is freaking out. that is, until B found what A was looking for, and asks if it’s theirs.

it’s raining/snowing and B noticed A is without proper clothing/equipment, like an umbrella or a jacket. so what does B do? they ask if A wants their only jacket/asks A if they want to share an umbrella.

A and B get paired up for a boring project, but together they make it fun!

the classic “the parents dragged A and B to a boring party and they become friends.”

B gets something tasty looking from a restaurant/cafe/etc. and, despite A being shy or nervous, they ask what it is.

A wants the last of something (ex. a donut or bag) but they and B grab it simultaneously. now they stare at each other for a little too long before B frantically says, “you can have it!” and then they go back and forth insisting the other can have it. (bonus points if their hands touch!)

A and B are sitting next to each other on a long flight. despite them going to the same place, it’s for completely different reasons. A is going for a funeral, and B is going for a friend’s wedding. out of nowhere, A starts crying, and though it’s hardly audible, B notices and starts comforting A immediately. by the end of the flight, they both have each other’s numbers!

no one said these had to be realistic, right? perfect. A is out in public and sees a familiar figure. the thing is, A is mistaking B, a stranger A has never saw until now, for their best friend. A quickens their walking to catch up with their “best friend.” when they eventually do, they scare them from the back, but when B turns around, A’s smile falls. A expects B to get reasonably upset, but instead, B laughs. a strong friendship (maybe even a romantic relationship?) ensues.

again, might be unrealistic yet adorable! A finds a cat/dog on the street, but they don’t have a collar, so A starts treating them as their own. that is until B starts knocking on people’s doors, describing the pet and asking if anyone has seen them. when B gets to A’s door, A immediately knows they have that exact pet. depending on who you portray A to be, they may consider lying and saying they don’t have it, but in the end, they end up giving the pet back. the pet, however, is very attached to A, and tries to stay. B notices this and tells A that they can keep the pet, just as long as they stay in contact so B can visit it whenever! a strong relationship between A and B ensues :)

467 notes - Posted April 11, 2022

#4

˗ˏˋdialogue : comforting wordsˎˊ˗

“hey, are you okay?”

“do you want to talk?”

“is there something you need to tell me?”

“it’s okay. don’t cry.”

“it’s okay to cry.”

“let it all out. take your time.”

“it’s alright. i’m here.”

“i’m not going anywhere, don’t worry.”

“what’s wrong?”

“everything will be fine. i promise.”

“i got you.”

“i care.”

“is there anything i can do for you? a snack? a hug?”

“i could never hate you.”

“you’re not a monster.”

“nothing is wrong with you.”

“i wouldn’t change a thing about you.”

“you’re safe.”

“we’ll get through this together.”

“just relax.”

“you deserve better than x.”

“get your anger/sadness out.”

“i love you.”

“do you wanna cuddle?”

“want to watch a movie or play a game to take your mind off of it?”

622 notes - Posted April 10, 2022

#3

⊱┊dialogue : jealousy

jeal·ous·y (noun) • a sentiment which is born in love and which is produced by the fear that the loved person prefers someone else

change pronouns/tense as needed!

from the jealous…

“who was that?”

“just a friend, huh?”

“they don’t look at you like a friend.”

“i’m not jealous, i’m curious.

“so what if i’m jealous?”

“and just where do you think you’re going? let me guess… somewhere with x?”

“you spend more time with them than with me.”

“you two are so close, it’s adorable.” [sarcasm]

“you always seem happier with them than with me.”

“hope you two have a blast. go see a movie, grab a beer, maybe sneak a make-out session in between…” [sarcasm]

“what’re they doing texting you this late?”

“do they even know about me?”

“i’m not overbearing.”

“i thought you loved me.”

“i’m not the only one, am i?”

…to the victim

“it’s just a friend.“

“what? i’m not allowed to have friends?”

“do you trust me?”

“are you jealous?”

“you’re overthinking, love.”

“you don’t need to know where i am 24/7.”

“i’m just going shopping.”

“yeah, we are close. they’re my best friend.”

“was that sarcasm?”

“c’mon babe, you know it’s not like that—”

See the full post

672 notes - Posted April 21, 2022

#2

˗ˏˋdialogue : severe injury/illness ˎˊ˗

change pronouns/tense as needed!

“holy shit… that’s a lot of blood...”

“that looks infected.”

“you’re burning up!”

“do you need to throw up?”

“are you okay? does anything hurt? who did this to you?!”

“it’s not that much blood.”

“it’s not infected! it just needs to be cleaned.”

“burning up? i’m freezing.”

“god, i feel like i’m gonna throw up.”

“i feel awful.”

“name? are you awake…?”

“can you hear me?”

“fuck— you barely have a pulse…”

“try to stay awake. talk to me.”

“fuck it, i’m calling an ambulance.”

“yeah… i’m awake.”

“my ears are ringing.”

“is this hell?”

“i’m so tired…”

“i just— i just need some rest.”

“you have to stay awake.”

“keep your eyes open!”

“stay with me… please.”

“i need you…”

“i swear to fucking god— do not stop breathing!”

“i don’t know how long i can stay up…”

“i’m trying.”

“i’m sorry…”

See the full post

718 notes - Posted April 16, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

˗ˏˋdialogue : kissingˎˊ˗

change pronouns as needed!

“god– i wanna kiss you.”

“can i kiss you?”

“just one kiss and i’ll never ask again.”

“let me be your first.”

“it doesn’t have to mean anything.”

“then shut up and kiss me already.”

“hurry up. get it over with.”

“you can kiss my ass.”

“i never kissed before—”

“is this your way of asking me out or—”

“that was better than i thought it would be.”

“one more time?”

“huh. you don’t taste as toxic as i thought you would.”

“you sure that was your first time?”

“shit, i wasn’t supposed to enjoy that as much as i did.”

“that was worse than i thought it would be.”

“you– you want to do it again?”

“alright. never doing that again.”

“did i do it right?”

“you sure that it didn’t mean anything?”

“should we take this elsewhere?”

“let’s go somewhere private.”

“think i wanna do a little more than just kiss.”

“wish we weren’t in public…”

“think of this as a one time thing.”

See the full post

1,267 notes - Posted April 20, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[mintywolf]

A Long Road Home Author Notes - Page 1

Hello! Going forward I’m going to be attaching author notes here on my personal blog for anyone interested in hearing me ramble about this. :)

For Page 1.

If you’ve been following me for a while you probably know me best from Guardian, my last big comic. (For those who don’t, it’s a graphic novel about Lulu from Final Fantasy X. You can read it here: @guardian-comic) Since finishing work on that in early 2020 I’ve been struggling to get a new project started. I’d had a number of other original and fan projects backburnered but found I had a hard time caring about them. (Or honestly, much of anything, after the plague malaise took over. A lot of things, on both a global and personal scale, happened in 2020 that made art just Hard in a way that it hadn’t been before, a feeling I’ve seen shared by a lot of creatives at the time.)

Then CR Campaign 3 started and I don’t know what it is exactly about Laudna and Imogen but these characters and their relationship have my entire heart. I have not hyperfixated this hard on something in years. As with Guardian the impulse to express all the heart emojis bursting out of the depths of my being in the form of an unwieldy graphic novel came out of nowhere, and the beginnings of it came in a dream. (Although as also with Guardian, the pages that I dreamt for it never actually made it into the comic, haha.) I woke up that morning feeling in my soul that it was Time. 

Fortunately I have the benefit of 10 years of experience this time so rather than just diving headlong into another opus I spent several months planning, outlining, writing the script, and working on character designs. I’ve thought before that if I’d known exactly how big Guardian was going to be at the outset I never would have been able to get started. This time I know. And friends . . . it is another behemoth. D: A few times, watching the script steadily balloon in size, I stopped to think what are you doing, this is insane, this could be a fic and take a fraction of the time, but I have no sense of artistic self-preservation. :D

I’m still scared! I know from having done it before that I can do it again, but it still feels very Big and I’m still working my way back up to the level of artistic productivity I had then. But I’m excited about it in a way I haven’t been about a creative project in a long, long time.

For a long time it didn’t have a title, it was just called “Southern Gothic Meet Cute Prequel Comic??” at the top of the script page. That got shortened to “Southern Gothic,” which fits it both as a ship and a genre, but I decided that was a little too cheeky since it is the ship name (one of them) and also not very indicative as a title. The meaning of the new one will I hope become evident as the story goes on. (I never did change the tumblr url though. It is what it is.)

Yeah so! Here we go. Here’s Imogen, with some curiously bare arms!

It’s implied that Flora is a white horse (when Imogen selects horses for the journey to the Heartmoor Chetney remarks that he thought she’d prefer a white horse, but she says she doesn’t want to replace Flora) and originally I intended to draw her that way but I ended up liking the palomino paint look. (Incidentally my first horse in Breath of the Wild looked like this so it’s kind of nostalgic for me. ;)) She’s still mostly white. She kind of disappears from the scene because it’s a dream. In the narration she always runs away before the storm hits.

I think I over-rendered the backgrounds, haha. But I just got all these cool grass and field brushes just for this! (Available here.) The quilt was also more intricate originally but I didn’t want to drive myself insane trying to keep the pattern the same every time we see it, so I simplified it a little. It’s still cute. Also a recurring staple of my art: cute jammies. :)

Her bedroom is in the attic, which we’ll get a more clear picture of later. I imagine she’d have moved up there to be as far away from the presence of other minds as possible.

[mainstoryarchive]

Revolution - 49: Refreshments

Translator: Creampuffs

Makoto: *Munch munch* ♪

[Read on my blog for the best viewing experience with Oi~ssu ♪]

Location: Soundproof Lesson Room

Makoto: *Munch munch* ♪

Wow, these are good… whatever they are. These round clumps are pretty hard to describe. I dunno what they are, but they’re delicious!

Hokuto: There are slices of lemon soaked in honey and energy drinks too.

I don’t know what this round clump is, but it does seem to be edible.

*Munch munch* In fact, it’s delicious.

Mao: Shinobu Sengoku from the Ninja Association caught a whiff of the food and stopped by the Garden Terrace.

He taught us how to make these "round clumps" there.

They’re apparently emergency ninja rations called hyorogan or "ration pills[1]". He also said something like "300km per pill[2]", but I dunno what he meant by that.

Hokuto: Sengoku… Oh, I’ve heard of him. He’s that strange first-year, isn’t he?

I’ve seen him wrap a long loincloth around his waist and run off at the speed of light. It looks like he was trying to keep the front flap of the loincloth off the ground.

Mao: Yup, that’s him. The "Ninja Association" is pretty small, so they don’t have a lot of funds.

I wanted to help him out however I could, so I’ve been passing odd jobs from the Student Council to him.

Sengoku apparently feels indebted to me. He even helped us carry all the refreshments the Transfer Student made all the way here, you know~?

Hokuto: I see. I’d like to thank him for his help.

Mao: Sengoku’s pretty shy, so he’s left already. But I think he’s gotten a bit attached to the Transfer Student?

Makoto: Ohh. She didn’t have any issues talking with the scary Kiryu-senpai or Oogami-kun, either, huh.

The Transfer Student’s amazing. You can befriend people so easily~

Hokuto: Hm, that’s a rare trait to have. It would surely be a necessary skill for a producer. You seem like a promising producer, Transfer Student.

I’m happy to see you’ve done your best to research and make us these refreshments. Thank you, Transfer Student. Your very existence is like a pillar of support for us.

Hokuto: Hm? What’s that? A cooler?

Oh? There are "konpeito[3] cream puffs" inside, you say…? What’s that? It sounds intriguing!

You say you made them specifically for me? How did you know I like konpeito candy?

Subaru: Hehehe. She said she wanted to get to know us better, so I’ve been telling her about us for the past week~

It’d be better if she knew all of our preferences, right? ☆

Hokuto: I see. So you wanted to learn about us. That makes me happy.

*Munch munch*

It’s an odd combination, but it’s not bad. "Konpeito cream puffs"… I think it might be a bit too much sugar before a practice session, though.

Therefore, I’ll take them home and… I’ll eat them carefully, little by little.

Subaru: Hey, are you trying to keep them to yourself again, Hokke~!? I wanna eat them, too! That’s not fair – all I’ve been eating are these ration pills!

Mao: Stop arguing, guys. Let’s just get along now, okay~?

Hokuto: Hm. I think my fatigue has worn off thanks to the Transfer Student, but we can’t rest forever. Let’s resume our practice.

I’d like to decide on the songs and then centre our practice on them. “S1” is just around the corner – we have no time to waste.

I have an idea… Let’s briefly dance along to the new songs from the Light Music Club.

The Transfer Student will watch and give us her opinion.

And we’ll use her opinion as a reference when deciding the tracklist for our “S1” performance.

Makoto: Oh, that’s what Sakuma-senpai said. The Transfer Student’s basically an amateur, so we can get the raw truth~

Hokuto: Yeah. We’re performers, so we’d be poisoning ourselves if we just practise based on our own opinions.

It’ll be better for the Transfer Student, who has no prior knowledge, to judge us based on her intuition.

Moreover, it seems she has a good grasp on our preferences and personalities.

Her opinions and decisions should point us on the right path.

We’ll leave it to you to decide our course of direction, "producer".

Subaru: Well, just take it easy and don’t think too hard about it. We’ll be happy if you just tell us honestly what you thought about it~

[ ☆ ]

← prev ❖ all ❖ next →

Hyorogan (兵糧丸) / ration pills are made with various flours, sugary substances and spices to provide quick energy; usually consumed in emergencies or long missions. Unlike the name suggests, they’re not small like pills, but rather, around the size of an average strawberry.

This phrase typically means eating one pill provides you with enough energy to run 300 kilometres.

Konpeito are a type of colourful sugar candy from Japan that are round with small, soft spikes.

[crazyblondelife]

A Special Jacket in a Special Place

Spring is finally here and we’re having typical spring weather - hot and then cold again, but everything is getting so green, the hydrangeas are coming out and it’s really just so beautiful! One of my favorite things to do before the weather gets too warm is to bring a charcuterie board out to our little gazebo and nibble on the cheese and have a glass of wine! The gazebo is original to the house and both will be 100 years old in 1933! It truly is one of my favorite things about the house…but, we’re going to do a big kitchen renovation and it’s going to have to be torn down. I’m a little nostalgic because the gazebo. has been such a part of our family celebrations from weddings to baby showers to birthday parties! There have been so many beautiful memories made under that little roof!

I’ve been talking about our renovation for a while now and it’s finally coming together! We got plans back from our architect on Tuesday and I’m very excited. The plans include a major master bath/closet renovation as well as making the kitchen much larger and opening it up into our den so we have a big family space! The upstairs bathroom/closet renovation will be first and is estimated to be finished in September and then in January of 2025, we’ll start the kitchen! It’s crazy how long these things take but I don’t want the kitchen to be torn apart during the holidays…they are chaotic enough!

I’m planning to document the whole journey of our renovation on YouTube with snippets on Instagram and of course, here so I hope you’ll follow along!

That was a longwinded way to start this post, but when I look at the gazebo, it makes me a little sad! I’ve mentioned trying to reconstruct another one if we have room so we’ll see…it just seems like such a big part of the original house!

This fabulous jacket is from Sezane and oh my do I ever love it! I think it’s seasonless and more and more, I look for pieces that can be worn often in more than one season and that are timeless! This jacket is definitely in that category! It’s made from goat suede and in my opinion, well priced and very classic! I styled it over a white blouse from Brochu Walker, another classic piece and my favorite white blouse…along with distressed straight leg jeans from Mother (mine are old - similar here) and suede booties from Veronica beard. It also looks great with a v-neck white tee (my favorite brand is Perfect White Tee) and would also obviously be great with black! I haven’t had a chance to play around with other styling options yet, but I’m sure it’ll be one of my most worn pieces!

I get lots of questions about the strand of pearls I’m wearing here. They are from a local boutique and I’ve had them forever! They’re made with an old strand of pearls with a chunky chain attached and I love the contrast! I wear them often because they’re so unusual and seem to go with everything! I found a few necklaces on Etsy that I like…they’re not really similar, just fun pearls! As you probably know, getting on Etsy is like going down a rabbit whole and there is so much more there so be sure to take a look for yourself!

We have a somewhat new cheese shop in Carroboro NC which is just down the road from us and they have the most amazing cheese selection! It’s called…wait for it…The Cheese Shop!

Even though the name isn’t the most original, the cheese is spectacular and they have packed an amazing selection of delicious cheeses into a small space! I ran over to Carrboro the other day and took some pictures and of course, bought some cheese to enjoy in the gazebo! I’m working on a blog post and I think you’ll love it! I’ve been doing a series mostly on TikToc called Build-a-Bite where I build an interesting cheese bite with a combination of flavors using condiments, pickles, fruit and more! I’ll be sharing some of those combinations that’ll be great for your spring and summer charcuterie boards! You can look for that post on Monday!

I hope your weekend is off to a good start! We are actually having a very relaxing weekend and getting some things done around the house!

Thanks so much for reading today and as always…your comments are so appreciated!

[havnblog]

🌱 The Ethics and Principles Behind My Blog

These are my goals:

Be a pleasent place for people visiting, that respects their privacy.

Be a good citizen of (a lose definition of) the indie/small web.

Even though my impact is small, I can still try to make it positive.

This page (and the actions taken based on it), is under constant evaluation. It’s meant as a living post. 🌱 So feel free to contact me with feedback on this - especially if I fail to meet my goals.

Ads and tracking

The only tracking I’ve (consciously) put on my site, is Tinylytics.

My YouTube embeds are made with lite-youtube-embed, which (among other things) uses youtube-nocookie.com.

I currently don’t run any ads or sponsorships. The only monetisation on this site is tips through ko-fi.com and the occasional affiliate link.

Affiliate links

Probably the most common type of affiliate links are product links to stores (like Amazon), which give the linker a small kickback if the linkee ends up buying the product. It doesn’t cost the user anything extra, but it does interfere with the incentives for, let’s say, a blogger. This is because I only receive my kickback if you purchase it, perhaps incentivising me to praise the product more than I would otherwise.

Perhaps I don’t even have the product, and I’ll just say “I recommend this cool charger!” (just because I think it looks promising, based on the store page) and hope someone will buy it.

So, here’s what I’ve settled on at the moment:

If I recommend a service I pay for regularly (like Fastmail 🖇️ and Setapp 🖇️ ), I think it’s OK to use affiliate links.

And I think it’s OK to use affilite links if it’s to a product that:

I’ve spent (my own) money on,

and

still uses,

used to its end of life,

or has bought as a gift.

For instance, I love these Anker chargers. I use about five of them, and have bought it as a gift to both my wife and other familiy members - so I wouldn’t feel iffy about having affiliate links to them.

However, I’ll still clearly mark every affiliate link. I don’t know if there’s an established standard yet - but I propose the linked paperclips emoji 🖇️ as the official affiliate link emoji. I believe it’s the perfect symbol for “links with attachments”! (So, you can see that the Fastmail and Setapp links are affiliate links, while the Anker link is not. 👆🏻)

Also, I want to support smaller stores (and they often don’t have affiliate programs), so we’ll see how this goes…

AI

On my About page, I said that I believe you can buy roses, whilst still accepting that they have thorns. The opposite is also true, you can be against something and still accept it has merits. Too many people, who are principally against generative AI tools, also feel like they have to hold the opinion that they’re useless. I think they can be very useful, if used right - but I still have reservations.

Image generators

I often think and explain in images. So I would really like to use generative AI to create illustrations for my blog posts. However, I just don’t think that would be fair, due to the fact that these models would be useless without the copyrighted materials of artists who haven’t given their consent, nor received compensation or credit.

Perhaps I would be OK to pay for a model that has the three C’s covered, but I haven’t found that currently.

Text generators

I pay for access to ChatGPT-4, through Raycast - and I’ve recieved a lot of help through it while creating this website! As someone who has never really learned how to code, it’s super helpful to ask questions like «How do I do [this]?» «What’s wrong [here]?» «Can you explain [this] line for line?» «What’s the difference between display: block and display: inline-block ?»

However, I don’t use it to create content. And even though I’m not a native English speaker, I don’t use it to translate stuff. I like to write (in both English and Norwegian)! And I want people to know, and feel like, the stuff on this site is written by an (imperfect) human being.

I sometimes do run spelling and grammar checks after the fact, though - and also sometimes use Ulysses’ built in checker.

I’m not sure I’m comfortable with my use, though! Shouldn’t I apply the same principles to text as I do to images? Maybe! But there are some reasons why I currently use text generators:

If I had a blog that could afford to pay for an illustration to a post 1, doing this with AI would very directly remove a paying job, and I would end up not paying any illustrators. It’s less like this with asking questions about coding and the occasional spellcheck. 2

I don’t use it for anything oppinion/politcal/news based, and still pay for a bunch of content like this.

I don’t use it to pollute the web. 3

I’ve also landed on allowing crawlers on my site. I’ve installed a plugin that can stop it, but then I though «Is it fair of me to use these tools, and then say that it can’t gobble up my stuff?»

I’ll end this section, by saying that I’m not sure about all of this! And I hope we’ll get new laws in place to regulate this…

Other values

I don’t have a mission with this blog. But I’ll still try, with what I choose to write and amplify, to be something positive - and aligned with the values stated in my About page.

That I’m not in that position doesn’t really change this point. ↩︎

But you could say it’s hurting a potential editor and coding schools? ↩︎

If you think my blog is garbage, it’s at least human made litter! ↩︎

[13thwitch]

SHIPPING INFORMATION.   how shipping works on this blog—policies & notes.

what am i willing to write when it comes to shipping?

i’m open to a lot of things with shipping! angst is great so long as it serves a purpose; i like fluff when it’s got some balance to it; i love a good plot attached to a ship. enemies to lovers, friends to lovers, lovers to enemies, exes, i’m all for it. as a matter of my own comfort, i’m not willing to write abusive ships, though i’m open to exploring unhealthy dynamics, so long as they’re acknowledged for what they are and not romanticized. 

i will not write rowan x lasher. i do not agree with the writers' assessment that ciprien is "deranged" or controlling, and will happily write rowan x ciprien.

how large does the age gap have to be to make it uncomfortable?

if she’s a teenager, then i won’t ship her with someone more than two years older than her. if she’s between twenty and twenty-five, then no more than six or seven years older than her. if she’s over twenty-five, then i’m open to pretty much anything with older partners? including ships with immortals, that’s fine by me. it depends on the dynamic in question, and the plot we’re writing; but typically, at twenty-five and older, i’m pretty flexible. for younger partners, after she hits twenty she does not date under twenty, and after she hits twenty-five, she does not date under twenty-five.

am i selective when shipping?

in this case, yes. rowan comes from a really deeply fucked up canon and any relationship with her is going to have to engage with that. i'm open to discussion, absolutely! but all ships will have to feature plotting, and a lot of OOC communication. this includes canon ships for both the show and for the books.

with that said: rowan does have a lot of one night stands, and she's very open to friends with benefits arrangements. dynamics like that will require much less intensive plotting.

does one have to ask to ship with me?

yes, please! don’t just start writing shippy content without checking in with me to make sure we’re both into it; chances are, i’ll be on board with trying it out !! just let me know. i don’t like it when things are sprung on me (by which i mean, starting a shippy thread / making a non-ship meme shippy without chatting with me first) but i love it when someone approaches me to say hey, i think i’m feeling this dynamic, what do you think? there is like a 99% chance that i’m gonna say hell yeah, let’s check this out and see how it goes!!

ship obsessed, or ship more-or-less?

i love shipping!! love it. give me any and all dynamics you could possibly imagine. romance is a fun genre, it’s a totally legitimate genre, and i know there’s a lot of weirdness attached to enjoying shipping, but i don’t really do that anymore. it’s a genre i enjoy writing, and it’s one that i think is versatile enough to coexist with numerous other genres. yes, it’s a primary focus here, and yes, it actively makes me a better writer because it encourages me to pay close attention to the development of dynamics of all kinds between characters.

am i multi-ship?

yes!

how does one ship with rowan?

honestly, just message me about it!! i’d love to hear your thoughts, and even if it hadn’t occurred to me before, i’ll definitely give it plenty of thought. we’ll chat about it and give it a try, and if the chemistry is there, we can run with it!

[ganhumara]

SHIPPING INFORMATION.   how shipping works on this blog — policies & notes.

what am i willing to write when it comes to shipping?

i’m open to a lot of things with shipping! angst is great so long as it serves a purpose; i like fluff when it’s got some balance to it; i love a good plot attached to a ship. enemies to lovers, friends to lovers, lovers to enemies, exes, i’m all for it. as a matter of my own comfort, i’m not willing to write abusive ships, though i’m open to exploring unhealthy dynamics, so long as they’re acknowledged for what they are and not romanticized. 

how large does the age gap have to be to make it uncomfortable?

if she’s a teenager, then i won’t ship her with someone more than two years older than her. if she’s between twenty and twenty-five, then no more than six or seven years older than her. if she’s over twenty-five, then i’m open to pretty much anything? including ships with immortals, that’s fine by me. it depends on the dynamic in question, and the plot we’re writing; but typically, at twenty-five and older, i’m pretty flexible.

am i selective when shipping?

yes and no? i’m open to trying out dynamics, with the expectation that if it doesn’t work, we’ll be open about that and communicate what does and doesn’t work and where to go from there. if there’s chemistry, i’m all for it !! i just want to be sure that a.) both writers involved care about each other’s characters individually, and not just as a part of a ship, and that b.) the ship is distinct from other ships i have. so if we’re doing enemies to lovers, i want to be sure it’s distinct from any other enemies to lovers dynamic i have.

does one have to ask to ship with me?

yes, please! don’t just start writing shippy content without checking in with me to make sure we’re both into it; chances are, i’ll be on board with trying it out !! just let me know. i don’t like it when things are sprung on me (by which i mean, starting a shippy thread / making a non-ship meme shippy without chatting with me first) but i love it when someone approaches me to say hey, i think i’m feeling this dynamic, what do you think? there is like a 99% chance that i’m gonna say hell yeah, let’s check this out and see how it goes!!

ship obsessed, or ship more-or-less?

i love shipping!! love it. give me any and all dynamics you could possibly imagine. romance is a fun genre, it’s a totally legitimate genre, and i know there’s a lot of weirdness attached to enjoying shipping, but i don’t really do that anymore. it’s a genre i enjoy writing, and it’s one that i think is versatile enough to coexist with numerous other genres. yes, it’s a primary focus here, and yes, it actively makes me a better writer because it encourages me to pay close attention to the development of dynamics of all kinds between characters.

am i multi-ship?

yes!! there are a couple of verses that i’ve developed with a specific ship and partner, verses which i then prefer to keep closed in terms of shipping, but for the most part, the more ships the better.

how does one ship with guinevere?

honestly, just message me about it!! i’d love to hear your thoughts, and even if it hadn’t occurred to me before, i’ll definitely give it plenty of thought. we’ll chat about it and give it a try, and if the chemistry is there, we can run with it!

notes — guinevere's canon

guinevere's relationship with arthur and lancelot will always be a part of her experience. in her canon, she and arthur are married, and lancelot is her lover; he becomes a part of their relationship after this. while she's open to shipping, arthur in particular will always be a part of her backstory as either her ex husband with whom she shares a son and a very healthy co-parenting relationship, or her late husband for whom she's been grieving.

[joyofkinoko]

Diamond in the Rough | epilogue

You’ve never liked your older brother’s job as a paranormal investigator on YouTube, but as long as he never brought it home, you didn’t mind. But after a series of nightmares and unexplainable circumstances, you suck it up and ask Yeonjun and his friends for help in getting rid of the ghost that’s attached itself to you. And though Taehyun warned him against it, Hueningkai finds his own self getting attached to you too.

.: friends to lovers .:. f!reader .:. fluff, hurt/comfort, paranormal :.

.: tw: paranormal elements, mature language, depression :.

.: masterlist .:. budget ghostbusters :.

final author thoughts:

hey you guys! first and foremost, i wanna give a massive thank you ❤️ to every single one of you reading this right now for having read and supported this series. it’s been a long time coming since the first installment of budget ghostbusters, so it means a lot to me still be receiving support from some of you old readers and all of you new ones from this year as well!

the past few months have meant a lot to me creatively because i really just feel as if i’ve gotten back on top of my game, so i’m just generally grateful for all the love and emotional investment you guys have given the smau, especially since i know that some of the subject matter was very serious and dark and honestly, very personal to me.

i hope i was able to give these topics some sort of justice.

and as we bid farewell to our beloved kai and diamond, i hope you guys realise that this isn’t a final farewell ~ please stay tuned for the next installment of budget ghostbusters which is beomgyu’s! i have a couple thousand words written for a potential one-shot but a part of me also thinks that the storyline could work as an smau sooo we’ll just have to see when it comes out.

(and if you haven’t already seen my most recent personal update post, i am going to be busy and away for like the next 2-3 months, so please be patient with me!)

once again, i thank you all dearly, i hope you all feel loved (as you all deserve), and make sure to stay hydrated and get some rest!

take care, my loves! and until next time ~ 💎

taglist: @day6andetcetera @blaaiissee @etherealcherrie @duolingofanaccount @lovable-squidbrain @choi-y-n @soobsdior @rae-blogging @xiaosimp3 @butterflx @groovybiscuitdiplomatpeach @joti17 @rieoluv​ ​@tennisv

[the-himawari]

A3! Minagi Tsuzuru - Translation [SSR] MANKAI Party (3/3)

*Please read disclaimer on blog

---

Kazunari: There’s still time before the event, but… happy birthday, Tsuzurun!

Banri: ‘Grats.

Omi: Happy birthday. If we’re celebrating, then I’ll bring these out? Here, I made these.

Tsuzuru: Pastries…? Did you go out of your way to make these for me?

Omi: Well, cooking is like my hobby, after all.

Kazunari: Looks yummy!

Banri: Do snacks just follow when Omi’s around?

Tsuzuru: Thank you so much, Fushimi-san. Banri and Miyoshi-san too.

Izumi: Great job, everyone. Tsuzuru-kun, I swear I spotted Mizuno-san in the lobby. Do you know anything about that? I thought I should say hi to him if he came…

Tsuzuru: No, I haven’t heard anything… Umm, I wonder…

Izumi: I only caught a glimpse so I’m not certain or anything! I mean, it’s possible it was just a lookalike.

Tsuzuru: I guess that is a possibility… (But if Mizuno does happen to be here, then the VLOG segment is going to be a bit tough to get through…)

Izumi: Ah, Tsuzuru-kun. It’s about time, so please get ready.

Tsuzuru: Alright…

Kazunari: What’s up? Tsuzurun, don’t tell me you’re nervous?

Tsuzuru: Well, a little, yeah…

Omi: You have us if you find yourself clamming up. Don’t worry.

Banri: What he said. If anythin’ happens, just leave it to us.

Kazunari: Settzer, Omimi and I are gonna hype your b-day event up to the max!

Tsuzuru: …Thank you. All of your words eased my nerves a bit. Alright, let’s head out?

-pause-

Tsuzuru: Hello, everyone.

Guest A: Tsuzuru-kun, happy birthday!

Guest B: Happy birthday~!

Tsuzuru: Thank you for celebrating for me. And thank you very much for coming to my birthday event today. I’m Minagi Tsuzuru. Let’s jump right into it. I will call over my three guests.

Kazunari: Hey there, y’all~! It’s Kazunari Miyoshi ☆

Banri: Sup.

Omi: Thank you for gathering together for Tsuzuru today, everyone.

Guest C: It’s Kazunari-kun, Banri-kun and Omi-kun~!

Guest D: Hello~!

Banri: Let’s all have a blast celebratin’ Tsuzuru today.

Guests: OKAY!

Kazunari: Ooh! Great crowd out there!

Tsuzuru: Haha. I appreciate it. Now then, we’ll start the “VLOG Viewing Party”. I asked Fushimi-san to film a VLOG for me with the theme of “a sight I want to show my fans”.

Omi: I know I’m the one saying it, but I think the VLOG came out really well.

Banri: Can’t wait to watch it.

Kazunari: Roll it, roll it~.

-pause-

Tsuzuru: “Hi there, it’s Minagi Tsuzuru. Fushimi-san is the one in charge of the camera.”

Omi: “Hello.”

Tsuzuru: “We’ve come to the riverside today. The thing is, I get asked quite often in my fan letters and comments on how I take my breaks. It’s been hard to find a chance to answer that, so I thought I’d take this opportunity to actually show you guys.”

-pause-

Guest C: I’m so happy!

-pause-

Tsuzuru: “When I get stuck while I’m writing, I find that doing something different helps get the ideas flowing.” “So, when I gaze out and walk by the waterside like this, I can both relax and come up with good ideas. It kills two birds with one stone.”

-pause-

Kazunari: I totes feel that! Going on a walk switches up your mood, and there’s times where an idea suddenly pops into your head~!

Omi: I see, Kazunari can sympathize since he creates his own works.

Tsuzuru: Even though our creations are different, we still “create them” in the same way.

-pause-

Tsuzuru: “Hm? Oh, there’s dandelions blooming over there. Can we go take a quick look?”

Omi: “Sure, no problem.”

Tsuzuru: “They bloomed here, huh… I’ve been here so many times, yet I had no idea.”

Omi: “Looks like a new discovery. Do you like dandelions, Tsuzuru?”

Tsuzuru: “Hmm, I suppose you can say that? I have an emotional attachment to this flower. I find myself looking for it whenever spring comes around…”

-pause-

Kazunari: I love dandelions too! They have the feel of spring!

Banri: Right, I feel like Tsuzuru had those placed in front of his mirror.

Tsuzuru: Ah. So you did notice, huh?

-pause-

Tsuzuru: “It’s a flower of a precious memory with a friend.” “We’ve been friends since elementary school, and he’s the one who inspired me to start writing scripts.” “There was a period of time we weren’t in contact with each other. But we reunited and we were able to become friends all over again.” “Now, that friend comes to the theatre every time to watch my performances. And he sends me fan letters and dandelion bouquets.”

Omi: “…That’s a great memory. And a great friend.”

Tsuzuru: “Yes…!”

-pause-

Guest B: I’m glad they’re friends again!

-pause-

Takeru: “Tsuzuru nii-chan!?”

Yuzuru: “Omi onii-chan’s here too!”

-pause-

Guest C: Tsuzuru-kun’s little brothers!?

Guest D: Eh, Omi-kun’s younger brother too?

Kazunari: Aren’t those Tsuzurun’s little brothers! How come they’re on screen!?

Omi: Truthfully, it was a coincidence we met.

-pause-

Yuzuru: “Tsuzuru onii-chan, upsies!”

Tsuzuru: “Okay, okay. Up we go.”

Yuzuru: “Yay!”

-pause-

Guest A: Tsuzuru-kun’s holding him…!

Guest B: I feel so soft~!

-pause-

Tsuzuru: “Alright, let’s go for it!”

Yuzuru: “Woohoo!”

Takeru: “Let’s play tag!”

-pause-

Banri: It’s a legit game of tag.

Kazunari: Tsuzurun’s little bros look like they’re having fun too!

Guest C: Tsuzuru-kun is adorable~!

Guest D: I want to play tag together~!

-pause-

Takeru: “I’m thirsty.”

Yuzuru: “Tsuzuru onii-chan, I wanna drink juice!”

Tsuzuru: “There’s a vending machine over there. Let’s go buy some?”

Yuzuru: “Let’s gooo!”

-pause-

Kazunari: Tsuzurun’s totes as usual in the second half!

Banri: Well, that kinda stuff’s valuable for his fans. It’s good, ain’t it?

Guest A: I’m glad I got to see the usual Tsuzuru-kun!

Guest B: I’m happy we got to see Tsuzuru-kun as an older brother!

Tsuzuru: T-Thank you very much. I wasn’t sure whether to include the part where I was playing with my younger brothers… But I left it in because I realized once again that spending time with my family was also a breather for me. Did my VLOG answer everyone’s question?

*applause*

Tsuzuru: That’s great. I hope all of you find your own way to unwind as well.

Guest A: Thanks!

Guest C: I’ll try taking a walk too!

-pause-

Mizuno: …Tsuzuru-kun’s VLOG was spectacular.

-pause-

Tsuzuru: …It’s about time, so I have to take my picture. Fushimi-san, can I ask you to do the honours?

Omi: Of course. I’ll take a great picture suitable for your birthday.

Tsuzuru: What should I do for my pose…?

Banri: Why don’tcha strike a pose you like?

Tsuzuru: If you say a pose I like, I’m not sure…

Kazunari: I thought this might happen, so I prepped a pen and notebook!

Tsuzuru: When did you bring those!?

Kazunari: I actually hid them here during our rehearsal~.

Tsuzuru: I didn’t notice at all…

Kazunari: If it’s you, then it’s gotta be writing!

Banri: There are times when you make notes for your scripts. I think it’d make sense for you to take a photo where it looks like you’re writin’ something.

Omi: How about we take one like that, Tsuzuru?

Tsuzuru: I don’t see why not. The items have been prepared for me and all. …Like this?

Banri: Oh, lookin’ good.

Kazunari: That’s you, alright~.

Tsuzuru: You think so?

Omi: Okay, I’m taking it. …And pose.

*click*

---

previous |

[cafeacademia]

His Favourite Gal | Part 1

Mob!Bucky x Shy!Reader

Summary: You begin working as a waitress at Bucky Barnes’ favourite club in town. Little do you realise that working on mob territory owned by the infamous King of New York, Bucky Barnes, comes with its quirks and you’re slowly pulled into the mobster life.

Warnings: Fluff, some mentions of drunk people, mentions of crimes (though nothing happens, it’s just mentioned).

Word count: Approx 3700

Navigation

A/N: Hi loves!! This is a remaster of my own original fan fiction that I’ve decided to take from my old blog and (hopefully) improve. I’ve been slowly remastering fics that I am particularly attached to and I worked quite a lot to get this one overhauled and rewritten!! There’s actually very little of the original writing left, it was interesting to see how different my style is now compared to three years ago! This was also my first ever series I’d ever written on my old blog, so aside from the fact that I love the story, it’s special to me in that regard. Enjoy! 💕

If you’d like to join my taglist, you can do so using my taglist form HERE

It was raining when you finally finished your shift three hours later than when you were supposed to be off for the night. It was tiring working for the dingy old bar, it looked just as sad on the outside as it did on the inside, the old brick discoloured, old panelling slowly peeling off the sides of the building. It was a wreck and so was your boss too. He couldn’t have cared less if you worked yourself down to the bone, as long as he had staff doing a job, he didn’t care.

“I’m expecting you tomorrow, we’re opening early.” He had told you on your way out and it took everything in your willpower not to groan and roll your eyes and tell him so eloquently to fuck off. It was almost a relief when you heard the heavy metal door slam behind you as you stepped out of the back entrance. The air was just as bad. It was thick with smog and cigarette smoke and something pungent, an overflowing bin or perhaps an unfortunate street animal, you thought.

You were glad when it began to rain harder. At least it seemed to make most of the drunkards along the main strip try to find shelter instead of bothering you on your walk home.

Pulling your jacket hood up, you stepped down from the doorway and made your way out of the alleyway and onto the back street. It was never good to walk home alone, especially at night and especially in the part of New York you lived and worked in. It was on the edge of mobster territory and while Bucky Barnes, the King of New York owned it, it didn’t mean it was safe at all. It was quite the opposite, the district was prone to all levels of crime, from pickpocketing all the way up to armed robberies, arson and shootings.

But, you realised as you walked up the street, spotting a group of drunk men up ahead, drink men with rifles too, that never ended well, that perhaps mobster territory might not be a bad idea, especially when there were people working for Barnes along the entire street and they were known to keep the peace.

You heard the casino before you saw it, but as you rounded the corner you saw the lights, the late night rain distorting some of the huge party lights that lit up the sky above the building. Stark’s was not the most prestigious club in town, but it was the most respected and most feared. And funnily enough, for a place called Stark’s, the billionaire did not own his own named club. As far as you remembered, you’d seen it in the papers a few years ago that Barnes had won it off Stark in a game  of poker. You’d never know if that was really true, but it definitely seemed plausible.

As you passed the casino, you glanced over towards the dark tinted windows, watching as people came and went, mostly men in suits. But you noticed a sign from across the road that was taped onto one of the windows, huge bold letters making you stop in your tracks for a moment.

Waiting staff needed. And you stared at it for a moment, contemplating. You… A bar waitress, surely it was not wise for you to sign up to work in mobster territory. That would definitely land you in more dangerous places than you were already in.

But the longer you stood there and thought about it, you began to wonder if it was actually a good idea. You could at least try, what did you have to lose? And before you could even come to a full decision, it was as it was made for you, because a group of rowdy men walked towards you and you immediately took the decision to cross the road, putting you right in front of the casino.

How bad could it be? The worst that could happen was that you just had to return back around the corner to your miserable little bar job. So, with a sigh, you grabbed the flyer and walked towards the entrance.

The bouncer was huge and intimidating. Of course, you had expected as much with the club having the notoriety that it did. It wasn’t long before you were allowed to enter, the bouncer telling you, “speak to Natasha at the bar”, and as you headed through into the casino, you assumed the absolutely stunning woman behind the bar right ahead of you was Natasha.

The club was bustling with people, though it was not as stuffy and loud on the inside as you had expected it to be. There was a clear divide between people dining and drinking at tables around the bar and the casino side of the club which appeared to be behind a velvet rope and deep burgundy red curtains at either side of the bar. It was far more high end than you had expected, seeing as the outside of Stark’s resembled a kind of fancy nightclub, but you supposed the King of New York did happen to own it.

“Are you here about the job?” The woman at the bar asked as you approached her. You wondered if it was your very casual clothing in such a formal setting that gave you away or the flyer in your hand. Either way, you suddenly felt very intimidated and very underprepared. Perhaps this had been a bad idea. You were a girl dressed in the dregs of your wardrobe while trying to get a job in the most respected club in the entire city. Not likely.

“I saw the advertisement outside, I hope that’s alright.” You said as you lifted the flyer in your hand and she held out her hand to take it from you. “Are you sure? We haven’t had many applicants because of certain activities.” She told you, but you knew what she meant, it was obvious. This part of town, even outside of mobster territory was swimming in crime. “I’ve got nothing to lose.” You replied. And it was true, you did have nothing to lose. No family, no responsibilities outside of your current job, which this would replace, no children, no pets, no side hustles. Nothing. And that probably made you a good candidate.

The woman smiled at you, her lips curving up into a smirk as she took a moment to look you over before she extended her hand across the counter. “Natasha.” She introduced herself, smiling as you shook her hand. “Nice to meet you.” You mirrored her smile and gave her your name before she let go of you. “Let me just get someone on the bar and we’ll talk.” She told you.

And moments later, you were following Natasha through the casino, passing by all of the business men, mafia family members and rich men and women who were chancing it at gambling games. Suffice to say, you felt even more out of place than you had done just moments beforehand.

“Where do you work right now?” Natasha asked as she let you pass her into an office near the back of the building. “I work in an old bar just around the corner called The Rabid Dog.” It was not a pleasant name, it always made you cringe whenever you had to tell people where you worked and you didn’t fail to notice the way that Natasha seemed amused by the name of the bar too.

“So you’ve done bar work? What about waitressing?” She asked as she gestured for you to sit down on one of the chairs in front of the desk. Natasha didn’t sit behind the desk, instead she just dropped down into the chair next to yours and rested one leg over the other as if she was having a casual conversation with a friend. “My bar serves food, so I do it on a regular basis and I also used to work in a restaurant a few years ago.” You explained, but before either of you could say anything else, the door swung open and you nearly fell out of your chair.

“Who’s this?” Bucky Barnes, the King of New York himself asked as he walked through the doorway. What had you walked into? You knew he owned the club, but you’d never expected to actually meet Barnes. “This is our new waitress.” Natasha said proudly as she stood. You knew better than to interrupt, but you gathered that someone must have noticed the look of confusion on your face because just as a second man entered the room, he said, “Does our new waitress know she’s the new waitress?” The second man asked. He was blonde, just as tall and muscular as Barnes, though he looked at you with less of a poker face and more of an amused smirk.

“Really? You just hired her like that?” Mr Barnes asked as he approached you. “I like her.” Natasha countered, both men giving her pointed looks, though Mr Barnes raised his brows and nodded before turning back towards you. “She likes you.” He repeated what Natasha had said. You couldn’t help but send Natasha a questioning glance. She had just met you minutes ago and she’d already analysed you enough to know that she liked you and you wondered if Natasha was much more than just a bar girl.

“Have you done waitressing before?” Barnes asked. “I just asked her that.” Natasha huffed. “Yes sir, waitressing and bar work.” You responded. “And do you have any family?” He asked next. “No sir, none at all.” You replied. “And you know this isn’t the type of job cut out for ordinary people, right? This club sees a lot of things.” Mr Barnes went on. “I do, sir.” You nodded.

“Buck, maybe we should consider-.” But Mr Barnes casually held up his hand to silence his friend. “You’re hired.” He announced, the entire room falling silent and all you could do was stare at Barnes for a moment, stunned that he had just hired you right there on the spot. “I am?” It came out a little more hushed than you had intended, Bucky nodding as he smirked at you. “Whatever your pay is at your old job, I’ll pay at least double, more if it’s not enough. Natasha will contact your old boss and get you ready for your first day.” And with that, Bucky Barnes and his friend left the room and Natasha looked over at you, watching as the astonishment slowly dissipated.

“I’ll let you know when you start work.” Natasha broke the silence and you glanced over at her. “Just like that?” You asked, still surprised. “Just like that.” She responded. “Don’t worry, Barnes wouldn’t keep me around if I wasn’t a good judge of character.” She winked at you and you wondered again if she was something more than just a bar girl.

The job, you realised after your first couple of days working at the club, was far more interesting and a lot more rewarding than your previous job at the old bar. The club was a scene for all kinds of happenings and while nothing nefarious really went on, especially under Bucky Barnes’ nose, you did overhear an awful lot of conversation.

You learned as well in those first few days, that while this was not where Mr Barnes resided, he used the club as a place to carry out some of his business meetings and discussions as well as a place to relax.

Barely a week into your new job, you were getting ready for your shift in the little back room. Lockers lined the walls with a mirror at the side of the door and comfortable benches in the middle of the room. Dressed in a simple, but pretty black dress, you tied the strings of your little demi apron at the back, though you paused, a little startled when the door was abruptly pushed open and Natasha stepped in.

“Barnes needs you.” Nat announced with urgency and you frowned at her. “He does?” You asked. “He needs someone to waitress him and the family tonight, he’s asking for you.” She informed you. “I thought-.” “Yes, I know normally we have security taking orders to the waitresses, but he’s personally asking for you to waitress them tonight.” Nat told you and you paused with a slight air of confusion about you. “Alright, I’ll waitress Mr Barnes then.” You nodded, quickly fumbling with the ties of your apron before you shoved your jacket a bit more firmly into the back of the locker and shut it properly, letting Natasha walk you through the club towards the private dining space they were occupying.

Nat rushed you into the room and closed the door behind you, leaving you to stand rather flustered in front of a cosy looking dining room with a round table in the middle. Bucky was sat at the furthest end of the room, his chair seeming to have a higher back than all of the others. At his left was Steve, who you’d been properly introduced to on your first day at work and on his right was Sam Wilson, who you understood was a very close friend of his.

“Sugar, you made it.” Bucky enthusiastically greeted you as you approached the table. You hoped that you didn’t appear too flustered and intimidated, but you were aware that there was only so much you could play off with smiles when you knew your eyes might give you away. “Good evening Mr Barnes, gentleman.” You nodded, finally taking a step into the room and approaching the table, receiving polite hellos and smiles from all of them. “Are you looking after us tonight?” Steve asked, sitting forward in his seat and casually leaning his elbows on the table. “I am, Mr Rogers.” You nodded, lifting your notepad and pen as if it were proof. “Allow me to introduce you to everyone.” Bucky waved you over to him and you took a few steps towards him as he went around the table naming everyone. It was quite easy to distinguish that the people sitting closest to Bucky were of more importance to him as he listed Clint and Scott, who seemed to be his security and Pietro who appeared at first glance to be a mentee as well as the rest of the group.

“C’mere sweetheart.” Bucky motioned you to come and stand next to him once they were all done ordering food and drink. You stood where he’d pointed to and he turned in his seat to face you. You felt your cheeks warm intensely as Bucky smiled up at you, his eyes so soft and sweet and you questioned for a moment how exactly this man was the King of New York. He was incredibly sweet looking and for a moment you found yourself melting on the spot. “Is that everything, Mr Barnes?” You asked. “Not quite, sugar. Add whatever you’re having to the list, it’s on me.” He grinned at you. “I – uh, sorry?” You asked, a little confused. “Are you sure, Mr Barnes?” You hesitantly met his eyes though you immediately broke eye contact. “Absolutely, please eat with us, doll.” Bucky’s voice went soft as he tilted his head back a little to see you better, his lips pouting ever so slightly. “As you wish, Mr Barnes. Thank you.” You smiled at him, speaking softly before jotting your meal on the notepad and rushing out of the room.

You nearly bumped into Natasha as you made your way towards the kitchen. “He wants me to eat with them.” You blurted out before even making your presence known. “He what?” Nat frowned. “Mr Barnes wants me to order my food and drink and eat with them.” You repeated, more calmly this time. “Really?” She looked at you wide eyed. “Does he not do that with other waitresses?” You questioned, ripping the order out of the notepad and handing it to the kitchen staff. “No, he’s never done that before, never requested it either.” Nat shook her head. “Are you sure?” You surely couldn’t be the only one he’s ever asked. “I’ve worked here every night for three years and not once has he ever requested that.” Nat said with a single raised brow. It was definitely unusual. “I’ll get someone to call for you when the food’s ready. Let me get their drinks together.” She told you, waving you away before she went to look at the order you’d brought in.

You waltzed into the private dining room with a large round tray balanced expertly on one hand. The glasses on top gently clinked together as you walked. Handing out their orders, you took your drink last. You noticed quickly that all the men around the table had shifted and there was now an empty seat next to Bucky. “Come and sit with me, doll.” He patted the empty chair. Steve hopped up to pull it out for you and you obliged, gently sitting yourself down in the chair and turning slightly to face him. You didn’t want to assume you could speak unless spoken to, so you politely kept quiet while Bucky noticeably studied your face. “Tell us about yourself, sweetheart.” He smiled, sitting back in his chair as he picked up his drink and took a sip.

“I’ve been around and lived in a few different places. My parents passed several years ago and it’s just been me ever since, so I moved back to Brooklyn.” You did appreciate the soft look on Bucky’s face as he listened to what you said, almost like he felt sorry for you. Before you could continue though, Bucky rested his hand over yours and squeezed gently. “I’m sorry about your parents, truly I am.” He spoke just above a whisper. “Thank you, Mr Barnes.” You gave him a tight lipped smile. “Call me Bucky. We’re with family, which means we’re all on a first name basis, alright?” Bucky gripped your hand gently. “Alright, Bucky.” You nodded, mirroring his smile.

You told him more about yourself and for a moment, Bucky seemed anything but a mobster. He asked you about the books you liked to read and talked to you about the subjects that seemed to make your eyes light up and your smile a little wider. As the evening drew on, you became comfortable enough to share a few timid little jokes, which elicited chuckles and laughs from even some of the most scary looking men around the table. One of them, Drax, who was terrifyingly huge and angry looking, clapped his hand over his chest and roared with laughter the first time you told a joke, which completely took you by surprise. What surprised you more was how easy it was to make Bucky laugh and how down to earth and sweet he was.

By the time everyone had eaten and spent some time drinking and chatting and enjoying themselves, you had warmed up to all of them, especially Steve, Sam and Bucky. All of them though, were soft and charming on the inside, showing you a side to them you were unsure anyone else in the club was ever going to see. They were intimidating on the outside, exuding a terrifying confidence, but on the inside they were all sweet and gentle and caring and it absolutely melted you.

And after you had said goodbye to all of them and made your way back to the locker room, Clint, one of Bucky’s closer family members, followed you in. “Barnes wants me and Scott to make sure you get home safe.” He told you. “He’s requesting we give you a lift back in his SUV.” Clint added, leaning back against the wall with his arms crossed over his middle. It definitely seemed unusual, especially to be personally driven home. As far as you were aware, not even Natasha, who seemed very close to the family was ever given a lift home. But then again, judging by her reaction to Bucky wanting you to dine with them earlier, you supposed this was all rather new for them, just as much as it was for you. “Alright.” You nodded as you opened your locker, pulling off your apron and putting it away before you took out your jacket and bag, quickly getting them both on before letting Clint escort your towards the back exit.

“Hey doll, hope you don’t mind the spontaneous ride home.” Bucky grinned, far too pleased with himself that he was having his men not only drive him, Steve and Sam home, but also you. Of course it meant he had a longer way home, but Bucky didn’t care. Seeing you all off to your houses was important to him and why seeing you off specifically was important, Bucky was starting to wonder why.

After sliding into the SUV and getting comfortable on the soft, plush seats, you were driven home with gentle, quiet chatter between Bucky and Sam, Steve joining in occasionally until you arrived at your apartment building.

“See you the day after tomorrow, sugar.” Bucky smiled, leaning towards the open door to speak to you as you got out of the car. “Thanks for the ride home.” You waved at all of the men in the car, Scott getting out to escort you up to the front door of the building, the car waiting until they had seen you safely into the building and the door shut behind you.

Sitting down in your bedroom, safely back in your apartment you laid down in the soft blankets, replaying the evening in your head, realising you were smiling to yourself when you remembered that Nat had said no one had ever been asked to dine with Bucky and his family before. It brought warmth to your cheeks as you settled in for the night, looking forward to your next shift at Stark’s.

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[babyjakes]

forever and a day | 38. what happened to wanda.

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summary | a story in which america’s favorite captain gives a new life and family to a five-year-old girl who has suffered well beyond her years at the hands of hydra.

characters | dad!steve rogers, girl/willa rogers (original character)

warnings | AU similar enough to OU to include spoilers to many Marvel movies (Age of Ultron and beyond). action and fight scenes with violence and killing. injuries/mild gore. mature themes related to and semi-graphic depictions of child abuse/neglect, past CSA and CSM, and their aftermath (emaciation, wounds, scarring, etc). medical abuse and experimentation. ptsd/trauma symptoms in a child (developmental discrepancies, de-humanized behavior, detachment, extreme fears). medical treatment of CSM and other aftermath of abuse.trauma-informed therapeutic treatment of ECT. minor mentions of disordered eating. themes relating to abuse of power/authority and immoral interrogation tactics including SA (with brief depictions.) evil!Tony Stark.

[Steve]

“Go h-home? For real?” Willa asks, her eyes wide and hopeful. I nod gently at the girl, a smile forming on my face. Her little arms come up to wrap around my neck as she hides her eyes away in its crook, her whole body trembling slightly against my own.

“Yes sweetheart; we’re gonna go home,” I tell the child as we sit together at the small dining table in the dimly lit apartment as Bucky goes through the last of his things that are scattered about throughout the few rooms. When I told him the news, and that he would be leaving, my friend decided that this probably wouldn’t be a place he would ever want to come back to again.

“It’s safe there now?” Willa asks, her voice laced with uncertainty.

“Mhmm, that’s right. They figured out who actually did the bad things Bucky was accused of,” I explain, “so now nobody’s upset with him anymore.”

“It’s- there’s a bad guy?” Willa mumbles.

“Yep. A very bad guy,” I affirm, “but he’s been put away where he can’t hurt anybody anymore.”

This morning, on our twentieth day of hiding, I got a phone call from Natasha. When I answered, it was Tony on the other end. My first instinct was to hang up, but he quickly explained that he had made a mistake, and that he needed to talk to me. He told me they found him, the bastard that framed Bucky for the bomb in Vienna. “You gotta come back, Cap. We need you here,” he had said.

Stark had then said that Peter was a complete mess without Willa around. I could hear the sad smile on his face as he talked fondly of the kid, showing that he found Peter’s attachment to the little girl just as precious as I do. But there was something beyond all of that, something much deeper and more painful that I could also pick up from his voice as he explained how Peter was making a collection of drawings to give to Willa when she came back, and I asked Tony what was really on his mind.

With a heavy voice, the scientist let me know that Wanda had been home for three days, and that she hadn’t once left her room. He said that everyone had tried to talk to her, but she wouldn’t say a word. “I’m hoping she’ll open up to you,” he had told me. “I don’t know what we’ll do if she doesn’t.” So I guess I could say the feeling of going home is a whole lot of relief… mixed with a whole lot of worry.

“And… see Peter?” Willa interrupts my wandering mind. She pulls back to look up at me and I nod, reaching up to stroke her cheek.

“You bet, kiddo. Tony said Peter’s been missing you like crazy.”

At the man’s name, Willa flinches, her body cowering down slightly under my gaze. My heart sinks, and I sigh. Even though going home has been the ultimate goal ever since we got here, I’ve still known all along that once we go back, things won’t ever be the same. Especially in regards to Tony. Not only for Willa, but for me, as well.

“Hey sweetheart, can you look at me?” I ask softly. The wary girl’s big green eyes rise up nervously to meet mine, causing me to soften my expression as I look at her, rubbing my thumb lovingly against her rosy cheek. “I know you’re scared after all that’s happened with Tony, doll. He’s done a lot of unacceptable things, and I want you to know that no one’s letting him off the hook for any of it. He lost his guardianship because of what he did to you in the lab, remember? When we get back, I’m going to make sure there are consequences for what happened at the airport; I promise you, Willa. He’s done hurting you. I won’t stand for it again, and neither will any of the others.”

Willa nods meekly, but I can tell that all her fear is still bubbling just beneath the surface. I don’t blame her; I know there’s nothing I could ever say or do to fix the damage Tony’s caused. I don’t know what kind of action needs to be taken against him; I just want to show him that he’s stepped way out of line. Multiple times. Even though we had a good conversation over the phone this morning, there’s still a wide gap between Tony and I. I’m not returning for him. I’m returning because Willa and Bucky deserve to be home. And Wanda needs help.

“Alright. I think that’s the last of it,” Bucky cuts in as he enters from the bedroom, carrying out a dark brown duffel bag. “We’ve got a long flight back, so the sooner we head out, the better.”

“Okay. You ready to go, doll?” I ask Willa, earning a small nod.

“Home,” she says softly, causing Buck and I to both smile lovingly at

Willa glances over at me anxiously from her seat as Bucky begins to steer the Quinjet down into the tower’s hangar. “What’s up, sweetie pie?” I ask worriedly. Shakily, she undoes her seatbelt, climbing down from her seat. “Woah, careful there,” I ease, reaching out both arms to help steady her as she stumbles over to me, her balance thrown off by the descending ship. The child holds on tightly to me, her knees shaking beneath her as her big green eyes gaze up into mine; I’m startled when I realize they’re filled with tears. “Hey, what’s going on?" I murmur, lifting her up sideways onto my lap, letting her legs dangle down off one of my thighs.

Willa leans her side against me and sniffles. "H-have to see Tony?” she whimpers. “Please don’t make me. T-too scary.”

“Shhh, Willa- it’s alright. Peter will be there too, remember? I’m sure everyone will come down to see us,” I soothe, rubbing gently up and down her arm.

“T-Tony… have to? They’ll all- they’re going to… see my face?” the little girl asks, peering up at me worriedly. It takes me a moment, but I quickly figure out that she’s referencing the burn marks that have darkened along her fragile skin.

“I’m sorry, sweetie,” I murmur sadly, not sure what else to say. “They’re looking a lot better than before, though. And Bruce can take a look and see if there’s anything he can do to help the marks go away.” As I say this, I feel the ship making contact with the ground underneath us. Bucky begins shifting all the gears off, the engines dying down in a matter of moments. Another round of tears build up in Willa’s eyes as she gazes up at me, the look on her face begging me to not make her leave the ship.

“Please,” she tries, her bottom lip trembling.

“It’s okay, sweetheart; you’re alright. Everyone’s going to be so happy to see you, Willa-bug,” I encourage, but it does nothing to help.

“Please,” Willa begs again, her voice cracking as big tears begin to roll down her cheeks.

“Oh honey, it’s okay,” I soothe gently. “Here, how about this: how about I carry you?” I offer as I snap off my seatbelt, wrapping my arms around the little girl. “You can stay in my arms the whole time, okay?” Her expression tells me that she’s still terrified, but I think she knows there’s no getting out of this one.

“Let’s hope Stark’s got something cooked for dinner. I’m starving,” Bucky says as he collects his bag from behind his seat, leading the way. Glancing down one last time at Willa, I give her a comforting smile before rising to my feet and following my friend off the ship.

As we descend down the lowered ramp to the hangar floor, a group of familiar faces appears before us. The first person I notice is Peter, the boy’s eyes lighting up as soon as they meet mine. He runs up to us and without any warning, Willa jumps at him, wrapping her arms around his neck as her legs latch around his waist. Peter cradles his friend tightly against him, whispering something in the girl’s ear, only for the two of them to hear. A relieved smile forms on my face as I watch the pair, thankful that the reunion with Peter has distracted Willa from the dark-haired man standing a few feet away from the teen.

Turning to the rest of my friends, I greet them with a nod, receiving a mix of smiles and waves. “Welcome back,” Nat says warmly, her eyes sparkling as she meets my gaze. Tony nods silently at me, a tense smile plastered on his face. It’s clear that he knows he’s in trouble. He’s probably just keeping quiet out of self-preservation. “We’ve got food waiting for you upstairs,” Nat continues, and Bucky cheers. Together, we all begin to make our way across the hangar floor, over to the elevators. Willa stays in Peter’s arms, looking content and whole again as the teen sways her gently, chattering on about various things she’s missed.

“Wanda still in her room?” I ask Clint as we walk. He nods, a solemn look crossing his face. The cab is waiting for us as soon as Bruce presses the button, and as everyone else begins to pile into the elevator, Clint stays back.

“I need to speak with the captain for a second. You guys go ahead,” he says to all of them. They nod back, seeming to understand. Soon, the doors close in front of us, and we’re alone. “Cap,” Clint begins, turning to face me. An unidentifiable expression has formed on his face, something in between hesitation and devastation.

“What’s going on?” I ask quietly, not used to seeing the man so serious.

“We think something happened to Wanda.”

“Yeah, Tony mentioned that she wasn’t leaving her room, and Natasha said she wasn’t doing well when she was in captivity, either. What are you thinking?” I question, not wanting to jump to any conclusions or make any assumptions.

“I- we don’t know,” he admits. “All three of us were interrogated. It was pretty brutal, but… the first time they questioned her alone, she came back completely different. She hasn’t spoken a word since,” Clint reveals. “They probably thought she would be the easiest to crack since she’s the youngest and all, but… I don’t know, Steve. I just… the way she’s been acting, it’s just… something’s really wrong.”

“And she hasn’t told anyone what happened? Not even Natasha?” I ask.

“Nobody. Won’t say a single word.”

“Alright. I’ll talk to her. I don’t know how much it’ll help, but if something’s wrong, we’ve got to get to the bottom of it,” I tell him. He nods and turns back to the elevator, pressing the button for the cab to come back down and retrieve us. Within a few seconds, it’s back, and we step in together. Clint scans in and hits the button for the fiftieth floor.

“We’ve really missed you,” he tells me sincerely as the elevator begins to rise. I smile at him sincerely and nod.

“I’m glad to be back,” I say. The rest of the short ride is silent, and soon we’ve arrived at the top floor, the metal doors sliding open before us again.

Stepping out into the living space, the familiar scent of home washes over me. People are scattered across the room, sitting at the couches, bustling in the kitchen, and eating at the table. Glancing around and taking inventory, I see that everyone is here except Wanda. Clint nods at me and I nod back, making my way silently over to the entrance to the hallway.

Walking past several closed doors, I come up to the one I’m looking for. It’s closed as well, no light peeking out from underneath the wood. I stop, wondering if I should knock. She could be sleeping. After a few moments, I decide to tap the door gently twice. No response. Taking a deep breath, I lean up against the door and opening my mouth, speaking loud enough to be heard while still doing my best to be gentle. “Wanda, it’s Steve. I’m coming in.”

My hand twists the knob, and I push the door open, stepping into the room and closing it behind me. The entire room is dark, the only source of light being the window in the corner covered in sheer white drapes, allowing in a soft cast of moonlight against the wall. Stepping over to the nightstand, I turn on the lamp, a dim glow of purple light illuminating the room. My eyes fall on the bed; it’s empty. The sheets are thrown messily about on top of the mattress, showing that she’s clearly been in and out of the bed. My eyes scan the room, making their way from the bed in one corner all the way over to the dresser in the other. I’m just about to check the bathroom when I notice a small figure huddled against the side of the dresser, her back facing me. “Wanda?” I call out, my eyebrows furrowing in confusion. What’s she doing on the ground, facing the wall?

The girl doesn’t respond, so I take a few steps towards her, now only three or four feet away from her huddled body. Leaning down slightly, I almost want to lower myself completely to my knees. “Wanda?” I call again, but she still doesn’t move or speak. I sigh, kneeling down on the carpet below me. There’s no way she didn’t hear me. I spoke loud enough, the only thing I can think is that maybe she’s so deep in thought that my words aren’t making it to her.

I inch myself closer to her, and at this distance, I can see her body better. As she faces the wall, her knees are hugged up against her chest. Her hair looks messy, like she hasn’t brushed it in a long time. She’s wearing a baggy sweatshirt and a matching pair of sweatpants, clothes I’ve never seen her in before. I reach out a gentle hand, planning on saying her name again as I place it on her shoulder. But before I can say anything, the girl jumps away from my touch, her body lurching forward as her head knocks against the wall. The sudden reaction startles me as she lets out a muffled whimper, tipping to the right as the entire right side of her body collides with the floor. “Wanda, hey-” I try, worry building up inside of me. She hugs her knees tighter to her chest, her body beginning to shake.

Approaching carefully, I reach out to help her up, but her voice stops me, her words full of pain and fear. “Don’t touch me.” Her face is still too turned away for me to see her expression, so I shift my position, pressing my back against the wall as I look down at the girl on the floor. Dark bags have formed under her eyes, and there are tears rolling down her cheeks.

“Wanda, it’s me- it’s Steve,” I say, trying to show her that I’ve come home, that she doesn’t have to be afraid of me. I reach out and carefully brush my hand against her arm, and she flinches, a look of panic washing over her face.

“Please, not again. Please, I won’t tell anyone. I won’t tell anyone, I swear,” she rambles, only causing my concern to grow exponentially.

“Wanda, hey. It’s Steve, remember? It’s just me,” I try again, taking a deep breath before making my next move. As gently as I can, I take the girl by her shoulders and lift her up off the ground, resting her against the wall. Her body cowers under my touch and her breaths catch in her throat, but she still allows me to move her, not even looking at me when she’s finally sitting with the wall behind her, keeping her upright. I stay knelt down in front of her, a hand still resting on her shoulder. “Wanda, c'mon. I need you to look at me. It’s okay; you’re safe. Can you tell me what’s going on?” I speak softly and patiently, trying to get through to my friend.

“Please don’t, I won’t tell. I won’t tell,” she repeats, her body lurching forward slightly as she fights down a sob.

“Hey, hey, okay. It’s okay, Wanda. I’m not going to do anything to you. What do you mean, you won’t tell?” Her body rocks back and forth slightly, a feverish look in her eyes.

“Please. I-I can’t take it. No more, I won’t tell, I promise. I swear.” The longer her state of panic goes on, and the more of her strange behavior I see, the worse the sinking feeling in my gut gets.

“Wanda, did someone hurt you?” I ask gently. My words seem to set her off.

“Don’t hurt me, please, no more- please, I can’t take it.”

“I won’t hurt you, Wanda, of course I won’t. It’s me, it’s Steve. You’re okay; you’re safe. You’re home, remember? You’re home and safe; nothing bad’s going to happen to you. Did they hurt you?” I ask, and at this point, it’s not a question of if, but how.

“Please,” the girl begs, the fear in her voice unlike anything I’ve ever heard come from her before. This isn’t the strong, brave, wise Wanda I know. This trance that’s taken over her body is vulnerable, raw. Deeply hurt. Child-like. Desperately seeking safety.

“Here, come here,” I breathe out warmly, my arms opening up and enveloping my friend into my embrace. She’s startled at first, but then slowly begins to relax into my arms. I reach a hand up and stroke down her messy hair, speaking softly to her like I’ve learned to with Willa. “It’s okay, I’ve got you. You’re safe. Can you tell me what happened?”

“Steve,” Wanda finally breathes, her voice sounding as clear as a bell. Whatever fearful being that had taken over her is now clearly gone, and the Wanda I know is back, which is a huge relief. “S-Steve,” she says again, a new round of tears building up in her throat. Letting out a sob, her head hangs low in shame. “Steve, oh my god. You’d never believe me.”

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