#because i see this term thrown around as an accusation

[kasumingo]

Not related to anything in particular, but:

suibaiting = someone baiting someone else to commit a suicide

suibaiting =/= someone expressing how much they want to kill themselves, even if you receive it/consider it manipulative

The more you know!

[lala056]

Exhausting

I have no respect for billford shippers that look down on stancest shippers.

Oh what, you’d have me believe a genetic tie to a partner is somehow worse than being with someone that stabs through your hands, forces you to swallow live spiders, and also SA’s you by having yourself forcibly strip down in public and swing your clothes over your head like a helicopter? (sorry but anyone that forcibly removes your clothes and exposes your body, even if you’re a guy/lacking breasts and it’s just your chest, is committing SA against you. They’re exposing your body against your will plain and simple. Try to write that off how you like but that’s the facts)

The logic behind this baffles me honestly.

There’s a reason Alex titled that kissing drawing as "the worst drawing in the world" and then linked to an amazon BIBLE page (yeah I know that was part of a joke well guess what he frequently uses the bible joke for shipping in general so yeah).

Because he knows it’s BAD, TOXIC, PROBLEMATIC AS YOU GUYS LIKE TO LABEL THINGS. What I see people incorrectly accuse PROSHIPPERS to REPRESENT rather than the actual representation of the LIVE AND LET LIVE CREDO OF SHIPPING.

Ever stop to consider that maybe Alex didn’t do stancest or art involving Wendy/Dipper because he simply a) didn’t like those ships, which is valid since everyone has their own tastes, and he did base some of these characters on his own family so it’s close to home for him, or b) knows how toxic and chronically online a lot of haters are? That he wanted to avoid drama for this stream that he’s trying to milk every cent out of for CHARITY? (It's ridiculous how many times he felt obligated to say "REMEMBER IT'S FOR CHARITY" when shipping came up just to try and prevent any meltdowns from uptight fans and viewers. And even then he still didn't do some because he knew the fact of it being for charity still wouldn't fly for some- because a lot of people would rather watch REAL PEOPLE SUFFER to preserve their fictional sensitivities)

Not to mention he still works with Disney (chibiverse hello), any backlash (the form of false pedo accusations or incest apologist accusations being what happens to be thrown around all willy nilly nowadays over fictional bullshit) could get him blocked not only from working with the company ever again, but lose any input he might have over his beloved passion project and baby Gravity Falls itself?

This is a man who has said COUNTLESSLY that he doesn’t care about ships, has even encouraged people to "be weirder" and made omelet hypotheticals for how much HE DOESN’T CARE BECAUSE FICTIONAL SHIPS DON’T MATTER.

Alex Hirsch is a KING.

And it’s sad to see that so many of his loyal subjets are so bigoted and blind to ignore his own feelings in order to justify their own, or to somehow perform the mental gymnastics in order to absolve themselves of "thought crimes" so that they can feel like they aren’t bad people under the imposition of conservative purity culture.

The terms "cest" and "age" are trigger words now. If those show up in any form, pitchforks come out and roofs get burned. Companies overreact and overcompensate. He said Disney people were watching, so of course he’s gonna say and act in what is deemed an appropriate manner because even companies apparently prefer abusive relationships to ones that have a blood tie even if blood ties are wholesomely depicted.

The age old double standards.

And don’t get me started on bringing up Dipper Goes To Taco Bell. Alex and cast know of that story, they’ve made references to it in a video game and such, immortalized it. They engage with all corners of their fandom, also shown by Jason’s "saving the town" reference on stream.

Another thing, anyone notice how they laughed off the Dipper and Wendy suggestion Jason made, rather than exploded? BECAUSE THEY DON'T CARE IT'S NOT THAT SERIOUS - and most likely turned them down because they know there's more drama about characters being aged up and crap so it wouldn't have mattered if they're adults now, there are people who will always see them as "kids".

Point is - If there was such a strong hate on Alex’s part about the darker side of fiction or taboos he’d do all in his power to make sure they were never mentioned again and be active against them. 

He’s a kind, caring man that obviously likes to just get along with people, but he does put his foot down when he feels something is awful. He’s made political posts about presidents he feels are corrupt and spoken out against social injustice. You honestly think he wouldn’t speak out about those taboo ships in frank language if he thought that they shouldn’t exist and that the people who create for them are awful?

Newsflash, he would. Yes, he’d isolate a sadly small part of his fanbase, but he’s shown time and again he doesn’t care about being liked. He cares about what’s right.

And abusing others over which made up character kisses who, isn’t.

If you’re someone that mislabels proshippers too, to mean "problematic shippers", then as a billford shipper you’re one by definition. And yes, I'm including you AU billford shippers too because there is always some degree of toxicity.

Knock the hate and abuse off. People that go off about why their ship is justified and another isn't are the reason people leave fandoms and leave amazing works often unfinished, even Gen writers and artists.

[doe-eyed-disaster]

Reading the new Vulture article about Neil Gaiman's serial sexual abuse (and Amanda Palmer's complicity) has shaken me, maybe most viscerally in the way it describes the weird kind of normal that victims so often have to construct.

Many survivors of sexual violence do not process their experience as such, not at first. I was one of them. It's such a shock to the system that lots of us kind of just... erase it? Like the tape is fuzzy there or the file got corrupted or the footage is just abruptly missing for that stretch of time. You just go on and don't really account for that lost time.

I got changed and threw out the clothes I'd been wearing in a dumpster, came back to the room, and woke the rest of the band up to start loading the trailer so we could get to the next show. One of the men in that room had raped me only a few hours earlier.

One of my band mates was having marriage trouble and asked us, his friends and me, for advice. I gave him genuinely good insight and helped navigate a tough moment in the relationship. He had raped me less than 12 hours previously.

We played a show with some artists I looked up to. I was in the green room with them and him. He saw how excited I was to be talking to these people and started talking me up as a musician to them. He had raped me only a few weeks prior.

Who do you tell? Who can you tell? Who will believe you? Who will do something, anything, to help you? I wasn't talking to my family. I didn't have other friends. I didn't know anyone in the scene. I wasn't thinking explicitly in those terms, but they lurked in the back of my head, the kinds of things that redirect you out of any critical analysis.

Lots of things went unexamined: why I'd thrown those clothes out; why I was bleeding and bruised the next day; why I was still nursing those injuries weeks later. That sort of thing. I didn't think to wonder why I didn't like to let him out of my sight when we hang out. I didn't pay any mind to how I'd get so anxious that I could barely breathe if he walked behind me or between me and a door. I couldn't bear to think precisely *whose* hands I kept feeling around my waist and neck when I woke up in a panic.

And you just keep on with that fractured kind of normal for as long as it takes, every day that you can't admit it adding interest to the emotional devastation. You wonder sometimes "am I crazy? I must be. Normal people don't feel that way." You deflect when the conversation veers too close. You feel afraid to label your experience *that* way because really it wasn't all that bad and I'm just exaggerating like I do.

And then one day you can't keep up the facade. Something slips. Someone sees something you didn't want them to. Someone comments and then doesn't buy the deflection. The details are different every time for every person, but two things are always true:

* you're gonna grieve hideously for the hideous thing that was done to you

* you're gonna have to deal with the thought that no one might ever believe you

It's a power thing. He had the power to do that to you. To me. To her. To them. That's what made you vulnerable. He wasn't suave or seductive or darkly brilliant. He was just stronger than you, more powerful. That's what keeps you quiet. He'll be able to shut the conversation down, deflect and move on, label you a libellous slut and call it a day with no more inconvenience than wiping off his shoes. He'll have friends that help him find his marks, who make him opportunities. He'll toss you right out and not think twice about doing it. My guy got to do it to me once, and it took everything in me to manage to keep it from happening again without *looking* like that's what I was doing. Sometimes though, when they're rich and powerful, they just get to keep doing and doing and doing. Dozens of times to dozens of women, every one of them living the same fractured reality that I and so many others have woken up into.

If you're reading the accusations against Neil Gaiman and wondering how it went on so long and so far, that's the whole equation: powerful men surrounded by enablers, living in a culture that sees their trauma as fodder for literary awards and ours as something so inconvenient to consider that it's easier to leave us all alone with nothing to console the sense that, even though you can't quite remember it, something terrible happened right where the tape skips.

[marwyn]

I see the term "Valyrian supremacy" thrown around here a lot but what does it mean exactly?

My guess is that this concept stems somewhat from the Doctrine of Exceptionalism and primarily from sentiments espoused by characters like Viserys III (a famously reliable source of information) and, well, show!Aemond:

She had always assumed that she would wed Viserys when she came of age. For centuries the Targaryens had married brother to sister, since Aegon the Conqueror had taken his sisters to bride. The line must be kept pure, Viserys had told her a thousand times; theirs was the kingsblood, the golden blood of old Valyria, the blood of the dragon. Dragons did not mate with the beasts of the field, and Targaryens did not mingle their blood with that of lesser men. (AGOT, Daenerys I)

In Aemond's case there's clearly a lot of subtext here, and Viserys III's idea of Targaryen history elides the fact that plenty of Targaryens have married members of First Men, Andal, and Rhoynar houses (their direct ancestors Betha Blackwood, Dyanna Dayne, and Myriah Martell, to name a few). The emphasis on bloodlines is also not exactly unique to the Valyrian families, and honestly I’ve generally seen accusations of "Valyrian supremacy" directed toward that which are clearly just bog standard Westerosi feudal conventions.

In regard to the Doctrine of Exceptionalism, it’s a provision that Jaehaerys and Alysanne made the Faith of the Seven adopt and which states that Targaryens are allowed to continue their tradition of endogamous marriage because they are Valyrian and have different customs than the rest of Westeros. Bear in mind that they did this after a group of assassins tried to stab Alysanne while she was pregnant because the Faith of the Seven viewed her unborn baby as an “abomination” conceived of incest, and thus the Doctrine serves a very particular political purpose. The same can be said of endogamous marriage itself—a revealing example is that of Queen Rhaena, whom the Lannisters tried to coerce into marrying one of their own, as this would have produced Lannisters who could ride dragons and had access to them since Rhaena’s dragon was known to produce eggs. Jason Lannister clearly had similar designs for Rhaenyra on the show.

[burr-ell]

Putting Terms on the High Shelf: Main Character Syndrome

As I'm watching C2, one thing I've noticed about Caleb's various sidebars to talk to different people is that he's still very much involving them—the conversations reveal various different priorities not just for Caleb, but for the people he's talking with. Liam's RP is often geared toward encouraging character work out of the other players at the table; it's something you see with Vax early on, and it's very present with Caleb.

So I find the accusations and warnings of Liam having Main Character Syndrome, which started during C1 but really ramped up in C2, to be rather shallow. Look at the contrast between the tables during this:

and this:

In C1x27, Orion adds pressure to the cast's already-frayed nerves with him, compounded from previous incidents of bad behavior, by taking up several minutes of time purely to himself—his only interaction with anyone else at the table is to ask Keyleth for help with alchemy mechanics (fun fact, early Keyleth was into alchemy!). This included:

An attempt to buy 1500 mirrors to build a light array;

A request to his father to send in his home country's army to Whitestone; and

An attempt to combine a fog spell and a sleep spell after being told point blank that it was mechanically impossible

This was all very obviously an attempt to make himself the hero in what is clearly set up to be a Percy-centric arc. (Worth noting, for the record, is that up to this point Percy had actually had very little focus and largely kept himself in the background, while Tiberius had been in focus for most of the show's run up to that point.) Laura snarks that he's like the giant eagles in Lord of the Rings and can just do everything, and if you actually watch the clip that I've giffed above, Travis's tone is genuinely aggravated. This, by the way, is all after Tiberius was notably not present for Percy revealing his backstory to the rest of the party in episode 24; while everyone else voiced concerns for him and went down to his workshop to check on him, Tiberius largely ignored this and went off to do his own business.

That is a selfish player. That is selfish behavior and a clear example of someone who thinks the story should revolve around them. There are several reasons Orion was asked to leave, not just because he fudged his dice rolls.

C2x62 is a completely different story. None of the conversations Caleb has within that episode are just a way for Caleb to gain information; he's engaging with what the other people are doing. When he asks Nott and Jester about the letter they wrote to Astrid, he reveals a little about himself—something he is particularly reluctant to do with Jester—and they are given an opportunity to respond. His conversation with Beau gives time for both of them to check in on each other and where they're at and lets Beau give her own perspective on the politics of the Empire, the Cobalt Soul, and Xhorhas. The discussion with Fjord lets them both level with each other a little and does more work for Fjord's character, letting him open up about his insecurities and issues, than it does for Caleb's. Caleb is still initiating these conversations and he still gets something out of them, but both the players and the audience still get the benefit of the other characters pushing and pulling against that in response.

Like many terms that get thrown around in this circle ("player agency", "manipulating", "metagaming", "going dark", to name a few), Main Character Syndrome has been so misconstrued and warped to fit a heavily biased perspective as to be almost meaningless. Main Character Syndrome is not when a character initiates a lot of conversations, even if you personally don't like the conversations for whatever reason. Main Character Syndrome is not when a character chooses to take a risk or push a big red button, even if you personally don't like the choice for whatever reason. Main Character Syndrome is not when a character has an arc or aspect of lore heavily focused on them, even if you personally don't like the character for whatever reason. (Particularly considering that arc focus is entirely out of the player's control; Taliesin, Liam, and Laura did not in fact force Matt to focus a significant portion of each campaign's lore on Percy, Caleb, or Imogen's backstories respectively.)

Main Character Syndrome is specifically about player selfishness—it's a player inserting their character into scenes or roles where they do not logically belong in order to make them the center of the story, as we see with the example of Tiberius. The camaraderie at the current table versus what was going on back in 2015 does not suggest that anyone currently sees anyone else like that; everyone is laughing at the jokes made at someone's expense, and everyone is getting something to do. Your favorite character may not always be flashy or in focus all the time, but then again, you wouldn't want them to have Main Character Syndrome, would you?

[k9emote]

My final response to every accusation made about me.

Hi. As basically, the entirety of emoteblr knows, I have had a lot of hatred, misinformation, and vague angry paragraphs thrown towards my community and me. Barely anyone has communicated what they're so mad about, but I'll try to stitch it all together from a few people who've spoken to me and answer the best I can. "You spread misinformation about number names! Not all number name trauma is RAMCOA!"

You're right! I misworded that because I hadn't known that RAMCOA wasn't the only source of number-name trauma. Because no one told me. I am a RAMCOA victim and have only heard of number-names related to RAMCOA. I didn't know other forms of abuse used number-names. I know that now thanks to a kind person who opened a ticket in my server, and I will edit my server rules accordingly. My opinion stays the same; people who haven't been abused/tortured etc with number names should not use them. I have met countless other victims who agree with me. You can call that an opinion of mine, sure! If you disagree, kindly block me. I am sorry to anyone I said "You can only use number names if you're a RAMCOA victim." to, I had meant that only people with number name trauma can use them to reclaim the name, I assumed RAMCOA was a broad enough term that it covered all types of number-name trauma, but I was mistaken. I'm sorry. That's all I will say on that matter.

"There was a misinformative carrd in your server that didn't explain RAMCOA correctly!" It's been spread that the carrd was mine! that is not true AT ALL. It was taken down a long time ago and replaced with a much better resource. I hadn't personally looked at the carrd because topics of RAMCOA often trigger me, my partner was the one to send the carrd. My partner had seen the carrd sent elsewhere and had no idea it had misinformation. It was used as a quick resource for someone to know what RAMCOA was, and as soon as a kind server member pointed out it wasn't a good resource literally minutes after it was posted, it was taken down and replaced. People make mistakes, and my partner fixed his almost immediately. If you are angry at that, then I'm sorry but you are REACHING for things to hate me for. "The guillotine (public ban) channel you have in your server encourages hate and death threats!"

I am deeply sorry to anyone who recieved any threats/hate/harassment from my public bans. I have always stated to never contact the people I ban , and it was listed in the channel description as well.

No one had EVER told me that they were receiving hate or threats after being banned, otherwise, I would've taken this channel down much sooner. I have yet to receive any proof of these claims or even speak to the victims themselves. I have only heard this passed around from outside people. When I have asked, I am refused evidence for the "sake of anonymity" which I respect but unfortunately cannot ban any individuals without user IDs or genuine reasons. The only thing I could do in response to this is take the channel down, which I have done.

On the topic of death threats, people have claimed that one of my mods was sending them... but refused to show any evidence or tell me who it was. I have spoken to my mods and all of them have said they would never, so I genuinely have no idea what to do. If anyone has further evidence, please contact me. Most of my mods don't even have an active account on tumblr.

A trend I am seeing with the people who are typing up long paragraphs on how I am toxic and immature are people I've banned for going against my boundaries, reposting hate towards me even after said hate was asked to be taken down by both me and the person I had wronged, and other vile behavior in my server. I have not been given descriptions or details on who feels wronged, so I can not apologize for any actions because I genuinely have no idea what I did. I have not come out to say anything not because I am hiding, but because I am lacking SO MUCH evidence or even witness testimony on what I've done wrong. I have no issue apologizing to people I might've hurt, but I cannot do so without a proper conversation with said people. The one person who offered to tell me things refused on multiple occasions to give me evidence, screenshots, direct conversations or any other sources of people explaining why they hate me. I was only given vague reasons and "maybes" To some individuals I know are spreading the hate about me; To Proxy. You were banned from my server because you were creating a story incredibly similar to RAMCOA experiences while not being a victim of any sort of torture yourself (which you stated.) You said you were allowed to have an OC with a number name because it was based off a media that did the same, and that it was a "lab rat character" and therefore didn't count. When I, a victim of the torture you were using for roleplay, tried to educate you on why it was still wrong no matter your intent, you threw a tantrum and refused to listen. You were clearly uneducated on all forms of numbername trauma and refused to understand when not only I, but multiple other victims were trying to explain why it was wrong. Your roleplay OC was more important to you than a victim asking you to stop. The way you spoke to me was vile, invalidating, belittling and triggering. I am not sorry for the anger I displayed when I was spoken to like my own abuser would speak to me. I had a right to be angry and I started off extrememly understanding and polite despite your actions. Your OC was also affiliated with Nazis and the holocaust, which is fucking disgusting. I don't care what comic/media/etc it's based off of. I don't care if it's fiction or if you don't intend to base it on real life matters. Fictionalizing things that are rooted from real trauma and genocides as someone who has not experienced either is a horrible thing to do. I hope you realize how sickening you've acted.

Proxies messages were accidentally deleted when we banned them, but heres a screenshot my partner took during the arguement. Oh and before I forget, Proxy claimed to be "proshipper neutral" because it was "just fiction." despite knowing what it entailed. They have since been educated, but I wanted to share that their opinion on "fiction does not equal reality" mind set is extremely harmful.

Their reasoning on why they thought it was fine! (both is proxy) ^ Proxy also sent something in my inbox that I responded to publicly, ignoring all that they had done and completely going against my DNI of them. You can see that on my blog. To Alexfroppy. You were banned because my mod pointed out to me that you had reposted a tumblr post promoting the hatred towards me and my community, between an issue I had with another creator who has since forgiven me. Both me and Lemon (the creator) asked the Original Poster to take it down. You still reposted, directly supporting something going against the boundaries of both creators involved. You say "well I also posted something against the threats." Great! That's the bare minimum and resposting something that got me threats in the first place completely contradicts and cancels out you discouraging it. We pulled you into a ticket and tried to politely explain what you did wrong, to which you replied carelessly and with an incredibly dry tone. It was clear to me you didn't care when you stated "I'm only here for the emojis" and never apologized. That is why you were banned.

This is the entire ticket conversation. They were not banned for "just liking and reblogging a post". They were banned for purposely reblogging something that went against both creators boundaries which inherently encourages threats and hate towards me no matter your intent. People say "Hey your guillotine/public ban channel is getting people threatened!" and I apologize and quickly take down the channel. I say "Hey your reblogs are getting me threatened" and I don't get an apology, nor did they take down the reblog and ended up joining the hate train and calling me immature and toxic for being terrified for my safety. To FleurDeMort / Pierce. I don't know if you're directly involved in any of this, but with how open you are about hating me and claiming I ban unfairly, I think It's safe to assume you are. You were originally banned for being involved in a drama that was making me break down and shut down as quickly as I could. I apologize for acting quickly out of fear, that is my fault, and I would've been more than happy to apologize to you directly just like I did the other person involved. However. I, after calming down, apologized for my passive agression and panicked actions a day or two afterwards. I unbanned the person I had directly spoke harmfully to, and apologized as did they. You typed out a message for the other person fighting me to send. It was filled with misinformation, was invalidating, ignored all my points in the debate, and was disrespectful.

If anyone wants more information on my view of this, I made a post here stating all the points that I made in this ticket that they completely ignored. You are an adult. You can be mad at me for being immature, but what does that make you? You , afterwards in anger, claimed that my ADULT MOD was "Jacking me off" for defending me.

That is fucking disgusting NO MATTER YOUR INTENT. I could give less of a fuck if that's an expression. I am an AMAB 16 year old and commenting that an adult who defended me was "jacking me off" at your grown ass age is fucking vile. There were a MILLION different expressions you could've used, but you chose that one. You have not apologized, you've only defended yourself in my friends servers and claimed that I am taking things out of proportion. Instead of apologizing and realizing that your angry statement was weird and sexual no matter your intent, you've chosen to defend yourself and throw a tantrum in partnered servers of mine about how you did no wrong.

Here's them opening a ticket in another server and defending themselves, so that people don't claim I'm not showing the full story. I acknowledge me and my mods didn't handle the situation correctly, I was dealing with a lot of stress and made bad decisions. That's my fault, and I am sorry. I have been forgiven by the person I hurt ( V ). They have forgiven me and are a happy active member in my server, and one of my main defenders. Here is all context provided to the "jacking k9 off" statement, just incase anyone wants to claim im not giving """Full context""" like Pierce has claimed.

This conversation wasn't even about me. They brought me up in a single sentence to say that my mod was "jacking me off" for not siding with them. I don't care what emotional state you were in, you're 19 saying that about an 18 and 16 year old. You should be ashamed. "It's an expression" does not give you an excuse to say that about a child just because you're angry. I am an AMAB 16 year old. Imagine if the roles were reversed and you were to say "They'er fingering k9!", you would get a lot more hate. My body as a male should be held to the same standard, expression or not. I make mistakes and apologize for them. You make mistakes and defend yourself. That is the line of difference.

Here's them being manipulative to V after V had forgiven me, and trying to excuse saying sexual things about a child because it was "taken out of context". Saying sexual things about an adult and minor is pedophilic. I know that's a heavy word. I mean it. Your intent doesn't matter. Think before you speak.

For my final message about this drama; The amount of hypocrisy in the accusations about me is hilariously pathetic. I am not here to defend myself, I am here to state the facts of what happened, to share my story with these banned members, and to state that still even after all the hate sent to me, I do not understand what I've done wrong besides ban people who have wronged me without remorse and make a few accidents in my communitcation. I have not ever used my age or mental state as an excuse for my actions. There is a huge difference between "I'm not sorry, It's not my fault, I'm a child and I'm mentally ill" And "I'm really sorry. I never meant to hurt anyone, I am still growing and not in a good place mentally. My actions have been influenced my by current mental health and I've made mistakes. I have apologized and will try my best to grow" which is my statement and what I've stated in the past. If anyone who I have wronged wants to DM me on tumblr or discord to explain their side of the story and be apologized to, I am completely open for that. I want nothing more than to fix my mistakes and make people happy. That has been my wish from the start. I never act on malicious intent, I've never encouraged threats towards those who have hurt me, and I will never do either of those things. I have over 1,000 members in my server who are constantly telling me how safe they feel in my community, how it's the only place they've actively spoken, how much they love my art and me, and I love them back. To all that have treated me like human and been unbiased in your view of the drama thrown at me, thank you. I love you all. You uplift my life and I couldn't possibly express my gratitude in words. I will continue making emojis for verbal accessability and I will continue to grow, be better, and mature in my responses to threatening or scary situations. You say I'm toxic for being confused and angry, for not reacting well to proofless accusations of my character as a person, of ignoring people who have no evidence or who wont even mention what I've directly done wrong. Yet you chase after my every mistake, you grab at my flaws that I work on every day to improve, and you use FORGIVEN ISSUES against me. This community is toxic because of people like you.

How hard was it for a single one of you to politely DM me and inform me on what I was doing wrong? How hard was it to maturely speak to me about what you think isn't okay? You call me immature yet you spread lies about me like a childrens game of telephone. I am sorry for anyone who I've hurt. I am not sorry for being human. Do not harass anyone I have mentioned in this. I do not condone hatred, even if they have encouraged it towards me. I am sorry if anyone takes what I've said as hostile. I am tired and angry of people demonizing me with little to no proof of what they claim. I am tired of sleepless nights wondering if someone is going to send me more threats or dox me. I am tired. /nav Thank you for reading.

[olderthannetfic]

Question. Do y'all know some of these anons are terfs? I know that one with the "bisexuals bc penis" was kinda more obvious, but the rest? Reason: Last year during the Hogwars legacy thing I remember a lot of transppl getting accused of being terfs for playing the game or, legit just not condemning the game. My "fave" was some cis woman calling a transwoman terf and traitor for saying that Harry Potter was an escapist fantasy that helped her survive before she was able to leave an abusive home. It made me a lot more aware abt people just throwing the term around at any kinda stupid comment or just "U got this wrong" situation. Ppl are really hairtrigger abt terfs and it kinda just waters the term down when you see it thrown out any time someone says something stupid. Someone being a terf is a choice, you know a terf is a terf bc they aren't exactly being secret about it. Even people who're terfs but don't use the word are really obvious because they still will openly say shit like "man who thinks he's a woman" basically just like super obvious. Being stupid/uneducated/not understanding bad rhetoric around being trans? That's just someone not knowing and needing to learn to do better. Most places really fucking suck at queer education, and explaining what being queer means. Idk benefit of the doubt, lots of people have shit opinions because shitty education and transphobia and bigotry are literally still the norm in a lot of places. Lots of those people can do better when they actually get to learn tho.

--

People are often using that or 'radfem' when someone brings up common discourse that has that subtext. Sometimes, it's overblown; sometimes, it's just people noticing dogwhistles.

[ash5monster01]

Learning to Love Part 1

Pairing: Rafe Cameron x FemReader!PlusSize

Warnings: 18+, langauge, angst, fluff, mentions of bullying, body image issues, fat shaming, fake relationship, eventual smut, minor enemies to lovers trope.

Summary: It's not uncommon for you to be shamed for your size, it is however uncommon to be told that no one would ever date you because of it. Rafe on the other hand is used to being called a jerk, that is until he is accused of seeing people for only what's on the surface. It's purely coicidental you two meet right after these accusations are thrown your way. So even though you two don't know each other, and probably never would've looked the others way before this, now you're both going to prove a point. It's simple really, prove others wrong and don't fall in love. Easier said than done.

word count: 3.2k

Intro ←→ Part 2

Masterlist

It’s not until you’re opening the bar the next day you finally receive a text from your fake boyfriend. You had spent most of the night confused how this had all happened. You blamed it on how worked up you were after the beach, letting yourself get carried away. You couldn’t back out now, you had signed a contract. Hell it might be on a napkin but it was right there, evidence that you had made an agreement with a perfect stranger and now had no way out. A part of you wanted to do this too. Prove something to others you still weren’t sure of yourself. You just prayed you wouldn’t get too attached.

unknown number

You wanted to keep that same confidence you had yesterday. A coolness that you had maintained while getting into a fake relationship. Thing was your heart was already starting to thump over him texting you. You weren’t strong enough for this, you knew you would fold in seconds. Your only priority now was making sure he didn't know that about you. That was why you had limited PDA because you knew one touch from him would be your weakness. You weren't blind, he was gorgeous. He had every right to be cocky and you had no right to be. You save his number anyway despite desperately wanting to block it and pretend none of this happened.

Rafe

You were screwed. Totally and utterly screwed. You had googled him, you weren't no fool. All it did was intimidate you even more. CEO of one of the largest companies in the area, articles about his dead Dad and all the trouble he had gotten into when he was younger. He was tough, cold, and you were anything but. Now you had to act like you loved him. Someone who had become cold towards the world and you who still was on somewhat good terms with it had to learn to love him. Well fake love him.

"What's with the look?" your friend Mila asks. You look to her from across the bar where she dumps ice to prepare for the long shift ahead of you both. Mila was one of the few people in this world you had known all your life and had always stuck by your side. She was the only oen to ever really tell people off when they were mean to you. Which was half the reason you always kept her around. Even now as roomates and your employee. She would always take care of you and you would always take care of her.

"A boy" you find yourself saying. She is the last person on earth you would want to admit this mistake to but you realize you can also get her advice without having to tell the full truth.

"A boy, do I know this boy?" it's the soft shake of your head that has her abandoning the ice buckets and walking over to face you. You never talked about boys so whatever this was deseved her undivided attention.

"No, I met him here yesterday" you don't miss the way her hands fall on her hips instantly, a stern look coming your way.

"Want to explain why you were here on your day off?" Mila didn't like how you overworked yourself. You were the owner, she was the manager, you didn't have to do any of the work that you did around here. So when she catches you putting in time when you deserve a much needed break she's the first one ready to fight you.

"I came for a drink, I promise I didn't step behind the bar once" you say raising your hands in defense. She studies you for a moment to make sure you're telling the truth before removing her hands from her hips and leaning forward.

"So you met a boy while getting a drink yesterday?" she questions and you nod. She pushes her curly brunette hair back from her face and grabs the hair tie on her wrist and secures it all behind her head while awaiting your answer.

"Yes and he gave me his number" as her arms drop back down to her sides her dough eyes widen in surprise. She knew you deserved the world but she also knew how people treated you. She knows because they're the same people she had been shoving on the playground as kids and flipping off in public as adults.

"Have you texted him?" she asks, trying to not act to excited on your behalf. She knows you want to be cool and collected about this. To not get your hopes up because you're prepared for the worst. You always are.

"He actually just texted me" she nods, waiting for you to give more about how you are feeling so she can determine whether to be excited or worried for you. "He is extremely intimidating"

"Are you gonna go on a date with him?" she asks as she pushes up the sleeves of her shirt, dark amber skin on display. It reminds you of how you always wanted to be her growing up. Perfect body, perfect face, the prettiest smile. Boys always turned their heads when they saw her and when they saw you they would turn back away. Mila was a beautiful light skinned Goddess and you were just you. Plain jane.

"I might, I just don't want to get attached" she didn't have to ask to know this and you both don't miss the way your phone dings again.

Rafe

The text has your heat doubling in speed. Mila watches you with concentration, Randy now joining you btoh behind to bar to finish the job Mila had started. She waits patiently like always, waiting to see if you'll tell her what he just said. She really wants to rip the phone from your hand and read for herself but she knows you better than anyone. This needs to be just for you right now and as long as she knows you won't get hurt she is okay with it.

"He wants to have dinner" you speak after a beat and before she can say anything Randy butts in while polishing the crytal glasses at the other end of the bar.

"Pretty boy from yesterday?" Randy's comment has Mila raising her eyebrows and looking back at you.

"You never said he was a pretty boy" you don't have to answer before Randy does.

"Yeah the dude was hot. I'm straight but if he asked me out I would say yes in an instant" this has Mila turning towards you with a questioning look. You know she has hundreds of things running through her head that she wants to say but she is nearly bursting with excitment and you don't want to hold out on her.

"This is not in a mean way but was he genuine? Not like the guys I have to kick the shit out of?" she asks above everything else and again you are cut off by Randy.

"Based on the way he was devouring her with his eyes I'd say he was genuine. When she leaned over the bar I thought he was going to take a bite out of her ass" Randy says which causes Mila to snort and you to glare at him.

"I can answer these questions myself Randy and need I remind you who can change the status of your employment in a second?" you tell him, arms crossing over you chest and he chuckles as he set's the last of the clean glasses down on the bar top.

"I'm just saying, about time someone noticed how cool you are" you roll your eyes even though your heart soars over how genuine he is. You could never fire Randy, he was one of your best bartenders and over the years a close friend.

"Well are you gonna go?" Mila interrupts and you look at her confused before you realize what she is asking. It's then your phone dings with a new message again.

Rafe

Sighing you look up at two of your closest and dearest friends before droppign back down to the message on your phone. They don't know it isn't genuine, that both you and pretty boy are aware of how fake this relationship is, and is only meant for personal gain but you don't want to disappoint them. So you force a smile on your face and look to them both hoping they can't read the lies all over it. "I guess I’m going to dinner"

"Yes!' the pair cheers before chest bumping each other and you roll your eyes before typing a response back to Rafe.

Rafe

Shaking your head you realize exactly what kind of trouble you're in. You no longer have to lie to yourself about your feelings towards the boys now you had to lie to everyone else that's important in your life. You just prayed in wouldn’t blow up in your face.

You were still praying when the clock hit seven o’clock on the dot. There was no hiding the fact you had just worked a whole shift so you stopped yourself from any attempts at looking presentable. You didn’t have much time anyway since Rafe walked through the door right on time. When Mila realized that he was the boy her jaw dropped, which had you blushing a deep red. You tried to get your face back to normal before Rafe stood in front of you, a grey suit draped across his form, looking handsome as ever. Even with his hair falling onto his forehead he was still just as gorgeous.

“You promised nothing fancy” you tell him before he can say anything and he grins, hand reaching for your own.

“I just left work doll, I’ll change into a trash bag if you need me too” sighing you place your hand in his anyway and allow him to guide you out from behind the bar.

“Text me if you need anything guys” you call out to Mila and Randy who have more drink orders than they can keep up with.

“Text us if you need anything” Mila said in a suggestive way and you shook your head while throwing your purse over the shoulder of your free arm. You tried to act like his hand locked in your own didn’t make you as nervous as it did. This was fake, all show. You could do this.

You’re met with one of the nicest trucks you’ve ever seen still running outside. He opens the door and helps you climb inside before jogging to the other side. The smile he sends your way is a knees weak type of smile. You just know how many girls probably melted for that and a part of you feels bad for him. That he never could actually love someone the way he wanted because of material things. You knew what it was like to be on the receiving end of that. That’s why you were doing this, for both you and him.

“I figured we could eat at my place, take that for nothing fancy” he says as he pulls out onto the road.

“Is this the part where I find out you’re an axe murderer and fake dating is how you lure people in?” you question, heart racing over the idea of already being alone in his apartment with him. You don’t miss the way his hands tighten on the steering wheel but he still sends a smile your way.

“Not an axe murderer. I just want to get to know you, get our story straight” and you nod as he finally reaches a condo building. You wish you had known how rich he was before agreeing to fake date him. Yeah you owned a bar but that didn’t mean you were racking in big bucks. You still had a roommate after all. “Plus I’m a good cook”

“Poison, I knew it” you tease and he genuinely laughs before shaking his head and getting out the truck. You don’t miss the annoyed look he gives you when you pop open your door before he can. He helps you down anyway before guiding you inside.

You’re practically on the top floor by the time you get there. When he opens the door to his apartment it looks as if you could fit three of your own in it. You try to not let this intimidate you, the space still practically open. You can spot his bed in the corner and you quickly push away the thoughts of him sleeping in it every night. The kinds of girls he might bring back to it. Girls who would never ever look like you. You an exception just to prove a point because the truth was Rafe Cameron would never date a girl like you for real.

“I’m gonna change, feel free to make yourself at home” he tears your attention away from the bed and you nod as he starts walking towards his room. You realize this open concept leaves you both vulnerable to eachother so you choose the living room chair that has its back towards his bedroom. Distracting yourself you pull your phone out just to see a text from Mila.

Mila 💜

You can’t help but laugh lightly at the message on your phone which is when Rafe returns to the room now clad in grey sweats and white T-shirt that strained across his pecs perfectly. You hated him. He knew exactly what he was doing putting that outfit on. “Something funny?”

“Just my friend Mila, when I told her I was going out with you I guess she didn’t really expect you” he snorts as he sits on the couch kiddie corner to your own seat. You don’t miss the way he spreads his legs apart and gets comfy as if he hasn’t sat all day.

“I assume that was the girl behind the bar?” he says and you nod, shoving your phone back into your pocket. “So we’re not telling anyone then?”

“I guess not, I was too embarrassed to tell my friends it wasn’t real” you tell him and he nods before sitting up.

“It’s better that way anyway, less chance of getting caught” he says and you agree. If anyone found out you’d be mortified and you’re sure Rafe would be too.

“I told them we met at the bar, so if you tell your friends we should probably stick to that story” you tell him and he nods, hating that this felt awkward.

“That bar, you have a waitress. Red head, green eyes” and you hate the way your heart thumps in your chest. You had liked so many boys your whole life and every time you had been looked over for someone else, one of your friends. You hated that it was happening now with your own fake boyfriend.

“Callie, yeah. She’s a sweetheart” you nod as normal as you can but you couldn’t even hold a candle to that girls beauty. She’s 20, skinny, beautiful.

“Can you apologize to her for me? My friends were assholes the other day and I know she over heard them. I’ve felt guilty about it since” Callie had told you about this today. Two assholes saying she was unattractive. You remembered thinking if they found her unattractive imagine what they thought of you. Now knowing Rafe was at that table you felt even more nervous about this agreement between you two.

“Yeah, I’ll tell her” you agree with a forced smile and he nods before standing up.

“Well, let’s get cooking” he says with a clap of his hands and you give him a confused look.

“I agreed to dinner, not cooking it” you tell him and he laughs as he helps you to your feet.

“You’ll like this, promise” he tells you which is how you find yourself at his kitchen island making your own pizzas. You laugh each time he attempts to throw the premade dough and you put more pepperoni than physically possible on each slice. You do it just to annoy him though which you learn is really fun. Once you’ve destroyed the kitchen you’re both laughing at each other’s stories while sharing a bottle of wine and the messy pizza you both had made.

“How’d you get into owning that bar?” Rafe finds himself asking, noting how you picked at the slice of pizza on your plate. He knew it was because you were nervous to eat in front of him. That someone had probably made fun of you for eating and now to eat in front of others needed trust.

“Fate. Sort of. When I was twenty I graduated with my associates in business and I was searching everywhere for a manager position. That was when I found the bar. It was a hot spot and the owner didn’t feel like running it anymore. He liked that I was young, a fresh face. He sold it to me for practically nothing and now it’s basically my home” you briefly tell him the story and Rafe nods, soaking in how different your story was from his own. You had grew up practically on the same island as him and you had never known him.

“So you’ve been there ever since?” and you nod, pressing the rim of the wine glass to your lips. Reveling in the fact that is was the only thing keeping you calm in this handsome man’s presence.

“Yeah, and I really love it. I meet so many new people and work with my best friends everyday. I get to sleep in too” Rafe laughs as you say this, somehow figuring it made sense that you weren’t a morning person.

“Have you ever been in love?” the question catches you off guard and Rafe doesn’t miss the way you suck in a sharp breath at the question.

“I’d like to think I have, but I’m not so sure anymore” you say and he nods, deep in thought as he sips from his own wine glass.

“Same” he tells you and just as before you realize you and Rafe are two sides of one coin. Probably doomed, to torn up from the cruel world around you. Your worlds were two different places and maybe that’s the way things should be. Doing this was stepping into enemy territory and at the end of the day maybe you weren’t proving anybody, just proving something to yourselves. Either way, you didn’t want to leave him behind now.

Taglist: @sublimepenguinpeach-blog @fishingirl12 @houseofperfecttaste @kisstaya @abbybarnesstuff @carma-fanficaddict @jjmaybankisbae @exhaustedbutelated @diagnosedpsychosis @daivny @drewstarkeygf

Comment if you want to be added to the tag list :))

[ghouljams]

hi ghoul i have a question of the sex-ed variety sorry for rambling: why do you think performing oral sex is so villainized / demonized in conversation? we live in the most modern of times where casual approaches to sex seem so commonplace and ppl are more willing to talk abt things they enjoy etc. Receiving oral sex seems all the rage in popculture mentions etc but there still seems to be so much stigma/judgement about everyday convos re: performing it? i’m so confused when imo one cant exist w/o the other? ive heard ppl say its a lack of selfrespect thing for those afab or for those amab its not manly to do. which seems like an oversimplification but as an abstinent, religious-trauma virgin idk if i have the range to see all sides of the convo lmao

So this is going to be mostly personal opinion since I can't speak to this on a scientific or sociological level.

I think there's a massive disconnect culturally between pleasure for yourself and pleasure for others that stems from what you could call "radical individualism." There's this mentality of "I want to get mine, I don't care if you get yours" that a lot of people have and it can bleed into sexual conversations as well. So that's one part of it: the idea that getting something for yourself is good, but why would you go out of your way to help others?

Then another part, which I've talked about before, is the disgust around male bodies. This is a lot to do with the way terf politics and exclusionary "feminism" has seeped into common culture. There is a recent and evolving idea that vagina=good and penis=bad, that I think a lot of afab people are beginning to fall into because it feels retaliatory. All your life you're told that you're lesser for having a vagina and suddenly you're allowed to say that the opposite is true! It feels liberating, but it's a trap.

I see this in queer circles as well. Bisexual women will talk about being "unfortunately" into men, or they'll be accused of faking their attraction to women because of their attraction to me. People will talk loudly about how gross men are and how they hate men and how they think being attracted to men is a moral failing. So we begin to associate amab bodies with disgust. Penis=bad, right? So then attraction to penis=bad too, right?

Then we get into pop culture. Women in media are still very much centered as being forced or coerced into alternative forms of sex. We hear jokes about anal on birthdays, about having to convince your girlfriend to give you a blowjob, about various non-missionary positions being reserved for special occasions, and all of them center the amab person as undesireable. They focus on afab people not enjoying things that their amab partner does. And the implication often is that because the afab person doesn't get any sexual gratification out of this they must not want to do it. After all, men don't get any sexual gratification out of giving oral, so why should women?

(that's a lie of course, plenty of people --I would say most people-- enjoy giving their partner oral, but you understand the hyperbole here.)

So. Why can we enjoy receiving oral, but we can't enjoy giving it? Because we have been told we aren't supposed to. Sex is framed as a grand sacrifice that afab people make for their amab partner. Oral is something that media says no one enjoys giving. People talk about enjoying oral in terms of oral fixations and kink and "oh you only like that because of your deviance" seems to be the message that gets thrown out when someone mentions it. Biting has become more socially acceptable than sucking dick. The idea that people want to hurt their partner, is more socially acceptable than bringing them pleasure.

Just sit with that for a second because I have to.

You're absolutely right, there can't be one without the other, you can't receive oral without your partner giving it. I struggle with this A LOT and Mr. Ghoul is a saint for working with me on it, but I feel guilty asking for oral, like I'm forcing my partner to do something they don't enjoy. Despite being told by my partner that he likes eating me out, despite the fact that I like blowing him, it's hard for me as an afab person to accept that my partner enjoys pleasuring me. I've never been told that's an option.

While I think there's a lot that we as a society need to unpack in terms of sexuality and sexual expression, I think this movement of "I don't pleasure my partner, my partner pleasures me" is going to lead to a lot of unhappy relationships. A very small but loud group of men says they don't care about making their partner come, the general population does, but as it often happens shitty people focus on shitty people.

I don't want this to devolve into Ghoul talking about terf-cult politics and the way they love alt-right men's movements, so I'll leave it there, but those are my thoughts on it.

[plaidos]

gen question about the term 'baeddel'. i have read up a bit on the history of it and agree w that post you made but i've also seen transfems self-defining with it? both nowadays and some sort of controversy that happened like a decade ago involving transmisogyny and some friendgroup of transfems and SA(?). is that why it's getting thrown around as an insult again nowadays? sorry if this is a bad topic i genuinely don't know and half the posts about it are from the transandrobros ;-;

i don’t really know what happened with the original group of girls calling themselves “baeddel” other than it went tits up and all of the people worst effected by it have asked everybody to stop having a moral panic about it. i’m very hesitant to believe any aspersions of sexual assault because well, i’ve never actually heard of a victim OR a perpetrator. i’ve just heard of terfs and transandrodorks (venn diagram is a circle but whatever) claiming it about anybody with any kind of link to transfeminism because, of course, sexual assault is the first thing trans women are wrongly accused of to smear us. it’s happened to me, it’s happened to most other popular trans girls on this website. regardless of whether it is true or not, forever associating the spectre of sexual assault with any transfeminist because maybe once somebody calling themselves a baeddel hurt somebody is obviously transmisogynistic nonsense.

however, this is indeed how Baeddel was first resurrected in the 21st century. anybody calling herself (or themself, itself etc) a baeddel is just identifying as a transfeminist; they’re not necessarily associating themselves to the original baeddels (which as a group would have nigh incomprehensible politics to many of the transfeminists just ten years later). most of them don’t even know who they are and are calling themselves the “new” (old) transnisogynistic slur people are using to get under our skins. just like you will see many trans girls calling ourselves trannies, etc.

anybody TME using “baeddel” as a derogatory way of saying “transfeminist” is basically using it to mean “feminazi” and should fundamentally not be trusted. people who self identify as baeddel are reclaiming it.

[gougarfem]

i know this is cliché and there are a million posts like this but i'm getting so tired of the pointless infighting on here. and before you accuse me of anything, i'm a lesbian who practices complete female seperatism with the exception of having to interact with male healthcare staff. yes, i'm far from a perfect radfem, and yes, we should all try but I don't think anyone on here meets that ideal. seeing misogynistic slurs and insults thrown at women who are bisexual, het-partnered, or god forbid need a fucking abortion is so saddening when tumblr is one of the only places i feel a sense of community with other feminists. most people on here have at some point been isolated and ostracized for our politics. we're lucky to have a space on a site like this where we can express our beliefs and form a community and have nuanced discussions (look at what's happening to other apps! look how quickly radfem pages are termed on instagram and tiktok!) and instead of using this platform for constructive discussion some of you are spending 4+ hours a day in petty arguments over semantics, attacking vulnerable women for needing medical procedures and cyberbullying anyone who happens to feel attraction to men. we are not going to form a movement like this. no progress will come from this! outsiders see us picking each other apart and are discouraged from radical feminism, men use the holes in our community to tear us apart and make us look like a joke. people go back to liberal circles because their first day on radblr gets them an inbox full of insults and slurs and they quickly see how other women are treated on here.

i can't believe this needs saying but spending your day online calling osa women traitors/c*nts/c*cksuckers/brainwashed, telling detrans women we're deformed and damaged goods and throwing around the r slur is not activism nor is it feminist. some of you need to watch a primary school cyberbullying powerpoint about how there's another person at the end of the screen because i know no one on here would say those things to a woman's face. radical feminism fights for the liberation of EVERY woman, no matter if you personally dislike them or disagree with their choices - and even so, it's common sense that people will be more open to conversation and willing to change if you treat them with kindness, instead of denouncing and dogpiling everyone who doesn't meet your standards. i'm a radfem because so many women aren't. i'm a radfem for the women who wear makeup and insist it's for themselves. i'm a radfem for women who have been "happily married" 10 years and still do 100% of the housework. is that you? are you fighting for these women? or are you on here to boost your superiority complex and put others down? because if that's the case our movement doesn't fucking need you.

i hope some of you think about why you're on tumblr and how exactly you're aiding female liberation or even helping women to begin with. where the majority of other communities are toxic echo chambers, we need to be able to accept differences of opinion and fight for the bigger cause. anything else will alienate the same women we claim to be fighting for.

[yuseirra]

Kamiki(+Ai) Mini-analysis

I feel the best part of this work comes from the psychological aspects, it's intriguing how real and complex it can get. It's honestly what's drew me in this time around, and I really hope they revert back to exploring things in relation to it after some dire events get resolved somehow.

Today I wrote a small anaysis of Kamiki's character since he tends to be a bit confusing at first glance: I can be wrong, of course, but I'm confident with my analysis regarding the emotional aspect of things. I felt it would be nice to bring up!

Honestly, I don’t think Kamiki is such a difficult character to understand regarding his mentality. His self-esteem is severely low, so he internalizes all the negative criticism and accusations thrown at him without resistance, accepting them as they are. In fact, he adds to it by blaming himself even more. Sometimes, he even goes out of his way to act in ways that invite misunderstandings. Since he’s already trapped in a state of self-loathing, the fact that he doesn’t bother to make excuses is just an extension of that.

He has an incredibly low opinion of himself. That's because he was constantly mistreated and never been properly loved all his life till Ai came along. At the same time, it’s not like he dislikes people… Ai, on the other hand, seemed to have some defensive feelings toward others, maybe even a little distaste for people (which, in a way, can act as a shield to protect oneself). But Kamiki? When someone comes to him, he’s just happy to have a shred of affection and, like a puppy, he eagerly follows along, giving everything he has. He’s been starved for love. Him trusting people so eagerly and easily—that’s where it comes from. His trust in Ryosuke and Nino is also rooted in this. Kamiki seems to genuinely like people. When he receives kindness, it makes him purely happy… he wants to believe in their good intent and think 'oh, they like it, so it's fine, right? It's a good thing if others are happy' But again and again, he’s taken advantage of and abandoned. And, at some point, he realized—even though it seemed like people cared about him, this wasn’t right. They just used him up and it wasn't real affection that he'd received. The real problem is with those who used him. If they had been decent people, this wouldn’t have happened… But when these things happen, instead of blaming others, he always turns the arrow on himself. His already low self-esteem sinks even lower, and he blames himself and hates himself even more. Ai, on the other hand, had enough of a backbone to protect herself by holding onto some anger toward others. So, even though she couldn’t quite love herself, she could still carry some pride and confidence, enough to live life on her own terms. But Kamiki? When something goes wrong, he blames himself. He tries to rationalize these sorts of situations by believing that it’s because he’s not good enough, or because he’s unworthy, that everyone leaves him. That’s also one of the reason why he lacks aggression—he always sees the fault within himself. Look at the flower bouquet incident. He probably wasn’t at fault at all, but because he bought the flowers, he lied at first and said it was his doing. The fact that it was a lie implies that the rest of what he said was likely the unfiltered truth. If he were truly guilty, the story would have ended in chapter 154, but it didn’t—there was more to it after that.

I’ve mentioned before that you have to dig deeper to understand the real intent behind his words. In chapter 153, he said he killed Ai.

In chapter 154, he changed his story, saying he only manipulated Ryosuke to scare her, but he never intended to kill her.

Then, in chapter 160, the tone softens again—he says he really just wanted to give her the bouquet. And this is the real truth.

What’s happening here is that he hates himself so much that he piles more blame on himself, amplifying his responsibility for what happened. He feels like the person he loved died because of him, and that’s why he can’t forgive himself… But the more he talks about Ai, the more sincere he becomes, gradually revealing his true feelings.

When it comes to attachment styles, Ai had some avoidant tendencies,

While Kamiki shows a lot of traits typical of anxious attachment.

Yet despite this, the two of them clearly got along well. I keep coming back to this, and there’s hardly any room to argue otherwise. The fact that Ai could think so highly of him is honestly so remarkable…

For someone with avoidant tendencies to say, 'I want to live with this person forever,' that means the other person was truly perfect and lovable in their eyes. That’s an incredibly strong bond. I wish people would recognize this... believe in that idea for once, They really did find a huge liking to each other, and that family Ai imagined WAS really possible. They would have built a nice and happy one. It wasn't a messed-up relationship they had. They are tragic because they could have been perfect.

Even though both of them had their own struggles, they were good people at heart, and they surely could have supported each other to live well together. The real problems came from the outside.

I wrote this up as I attempted to draw a piece earlier(going to complete it and post it today!) these are sort of the things that pass through my head when I draw things sometimes

I need to understand the psychology of these characters to at least some degree in order to portray them, I may not be perfect with these, but I really try!

[fandomeldersintheirthirties]

one of the biggest problems i’ve encountered because of how normal harassment has become is that i don’t immediately believe victims anymore. i feel really bad saying that but half of the callout posts i see people passing around (should mention that the person i follow who reposts callouts is an anti), the warning at the beginning will almost always say tw: pedophilia, or something similar. i truly hate how i have to raise my brow and ask “ok, did the ‘bestialist’ sexually harm an animal or did they just draw a cartoon dog with its dick out” because people have just. watered down these terms so much. as an actual victim i don’t think it’s fair to equate actual harm being done to real people and an artist who draws something a little nasty

I feel you there Anon. I don't believe in any callouts/accusations anymore (unless a solid proof is presented), especially if the person is "supposed" to be a pedophile/groomer/zoophile etc. because like you said 90% of the time they didn't do anything to harm real people, they just drew a cartoon dog porn.

I only wish more people were more critical of baseless callouts and accusations being thrown around social medias.

[8bitsupervillain]

Higurashi When They Cry Hou Ch. 8 Matsuribayashi pt. 28

Long ago, back around late Onikakushi, early Watanagashi I wondered if there was a website similar to howlongtobeat. I was informed by @ggren-mainz that there are indeed websites for that. I had kind of forgotten about this until just now. And now I'm envisioning someone with their copy of A Dance With Dragons in one hand, and a stopwatch in the other.

An accident at the Shirakawa park

This particular fragment demonstrated to me the hazard of writing down notes, and theories before the section ends.

There is a case in Apollo Justice: Ace Attorney where the defendant for the case is accused of killing a man with a .45 revolver. The problem is that the defendant is a small blind child, and the idea that this kid was able to overpower someone who towers over them, wrestle the gun away from the victim and then not just shatter their bones by shooting the victim point blank is kind of ridiculous. Of course this being Ace Attorney the judge, prosecution, and everyone agrees that yes this small blind piano prodigy totally killed this man this way. The accusations being thrown at Satoko, that she was able to overpower and kill both her mother and her stepfather reminded me a lot of this case.

I can’t imagine that being accused of murdering both of your parents is a particularly light mental strain at the best of times. I can only imagine that it would make your terminal mental condition just a hair worse.

What I was not prepared for was the visual novel just going “why yes Satoko did indeed kill her parents.” I imagined that at best it was going to be left up to speculation about whether or not she actually did the deed. Which thinking about it might have been for the best to confirm it outright, because even though there was the red paranoia text in the original Satoko Houjou fragment enough time has passed that it’s entirely possible for the reader to have forgotten it.

My earlier comparison with the Apollo Justice case, I kid you not, was written just one sentence before the visual novel confirmed Satoko was the one who killed her parents. I had a slightly longer thought typed out but the sentence “I’d assumed that her parents’ accident triggered her terminal symptoms.” occurred and so I felt kind of foolish and simply deleted it. Which is a shame because it was a delight to have written out, and I wish I had saved it regardless. I think I’ve demonstrated multiple times throughout the playthrough that I have no problems posting my blatantly incorrect theories and speculations. Oh well, c’est la vie.

I wonder if this thrilled the Mountain Dogs to be able to actually do their assigned duty? It doesn’t really get into the day to day minutiae of the institute’s operations, but I imagine a lot of them were just sort of dying to do anything related to their actual job. Cause outside of the kidnapping in 78 they probably haven’t had much to do.

I will try my best to quit bringing up the same points over and over again, but I once again have to wonder if these Irie narrated fragments were made entirely to try to course correct with his character. Was there a particularly vocal dislike of Irie to the point that Ryukish07 felt the need to try to win back the crowd over his silly lolicon doctor? Circling back all the way back to Tatarigoroshi I wonder if Irie was just putting on an act in front of the various villagers and Keiichi by acting like he wanted to actually marry Satoko. Like he was purposefully being a goofy annoyance to her in an effort to see how she is in terms of her Hinamizawa Syndrome. I freely admit this is probably just my own head canon fanfiction crap, but I just wonder about this more serious buttoned down characterization Irie’s received this chapter.

[johanna-swann]

As per my last post, I re-watched Hen begins (again) because I want to keep the fic I'm working on as canon compliant as possible. And Tommy's behaviour in the scene where they talk about Twilight and then Gerrard goes on his misogynist rant baffles me. (This is a "talking to a rubber duck" post and it'll be long, so I'll put the rest under the cut.)

(Also before you come at me, I'm aware they probably hadn't planned to make Tommy queer at that point in the show, but I'll go ahead and try to make sense of it anyway.)

Because okay, from what we heard in 7x05 Tommy is gay and was aware of it when he was at the 118. He isn't like Buck who at some point later figured out "oh, I like men too". But in that Hen begins scene he seems remarkably chill for a closeted gay guy.

He even brings attention to the fact that he doesn't like a woman (who's considered hot by other men) instead of just agreeing with Sal which would've been the easy route. Just say "hm, me too" instead of "I don't get that" and be done with it. Interesting tactic from someone who is still busy sight-seeing in Narnia.

Then comes the "Team Jacob" reference. At first I thought he was deflecting the accusation, he seemed pretty serious and a little caught off guard for a second there, but in the end he blows a kiss Sal's way and his laugh seems genuine. So I suppose he really just didn't get the "Team Jacob" comment.

Now I will just go ahead and assume they're talking about the first Twilight movie which came out in November 2008, so Tommy has been with the 118 for at least 4 or 5 years. My explanation is that I think he's grown used to these kinds of jokes being thrown around and maybe just perceives it as harmless banter between him and Sal at that point. Also Tommy's been successfully hiding in the closet for so long that he's maybe not scared of being found out at any moment anymore.

The other half of the scene is also interesting, but before I get to that - I am not glossing over the "New York bitchiness" comment. I think that too was just harmless banter in Tommy's eyes and that he and Chimney basically meant the same thing, but Chim used much better words ("east coast vibe"). The use of the term "bitchiness" (especially from a guy like Tommy to a woman like Hen with the given context) was uncalled for and Chim rightfully called Tommy out for it.

(A lot of the bigoted jokes made during the early "begins" episodes seem more thoughtlessly rude than actually mean-spirited. It's still wrong, it's just an observation.)

Back to the rest of the scene. During Gerrard's litany of sexism we don't see Tommy (which totally makes sense, this episdode isn't about him), Sal however doesn't really show any emotion at all. By the end of Gerrard's rant Sal seems almost resigned(?), nods at Tommy to follow him to the kitchen and I think they start a conversation in the background. It's hard to tell though.

I think that was the moment it clicked into place for Tommy and Sal (they're kind of a package deal in Hen begins) that Gerrard wasn't just being thoughtlessly, casually discriminating, that man was a raging bigot who continued his harassment of an employee even after she had already proved she could bring a lot to the table in this job.

I think that's when they started to talk about Gerrard's behaviour and soon after began writing complaints. Hen's speech, the limo crash and Gerrard being fired all seem to happen in very quick succession, so it must've been something else, something that happened a lot earlier that triggered the "numerous" and "colourful" complaints from "more than a few" colleagues.

So yeah, I think that Twilight scene was when Tommy got started on his road from silent complicity to speaking up and being himself.

[sometimes-men-need-help-too]

We need to talk about weaponized incompetence

If you are unfamiliar with this, it’s basically where someone pretends to be bad at a simple task just so they can get out of it. Or they may do the task but ask a lot of questions and insist they need help doing it.  Men are usually accused of being this way in regards to household chores or when raising their children. 

Now I believe the concept is real. There are people like that in the world. But before you go around believing your man is exhibiting this, I want to offer a different perspective by asking these questions: 

Did he make a mistake? 

Does he just not know how to do X thing? 

You may insist that you know the difference between these things, but I have to ask that because oftentimes terms get thrown around even when they're not applicable. How many people get called a boomer for having reasonable criticism of society? How many people get called a karen? How many guys get called a simp for no reason? It’s not farfetched to say this also is likely getting thrown around incorrectly. 

Do you have a preferred way of doing things and is that preferred way the only way you want it to be done? 

Not too long ago, I brought up the towel example that was in a Dadvocate video.  You have your way of folding towels, your significant other (in this case, your man) has his own way of doing it. Neither are wrong, but you may feel irritated because he’s not doing it your way. You may feel like he’s doing it on purpose or if you mention it to someone else, they may point it out. It does happen and it needs to be considered

Are you micromanaging him? 

I found this article that lists 6 signs of a micromanager and I want to show you 3 of them. This is more so geared towards a micromanaging boss but I feel like it works well for this discussion as well. 

You are scared to make decisions on your own 

 They re-do your work 

 They use a “my way or the highway” approach.

Maybe he’s not necessarily scared of making decisions on his own (or he could be), but he doesn’t want to be treated or lectured like he’s an idiot. So he may ask you a ton of questions to keep you involved, he may seem like he’s acting clueless but in reality, he doesn’t want to be needlessly criticized. No one wants that.  They want to be treated like an equal partner. 

Maybe it’s dad’s turn to get the kids ready for school. Maybe you like to ensure that the kids are dressed before they eat breakfast and you like to have their lunches prepped the night before. But he doesn’t do it like that; he let’s them get dressed after they eat in case they spill something on them and he fixes their lunches that morning. You feel like the whole morning is off and you might make him feel like crap you feel like nothing is getting done. You may even take charge and make the kids go get dressed before they eat. And then if you get angry and start in on him, it’s going to show him that you don’t see him as an equal partner. 

But the internet isn’t necessarily going to point these things out. Tiktok is going to tell you that he’s doing this to spite you, that he’s doing his because he’s a manchild or he wants you to mother him. That article online is going to tell you he’s just trying to take advantage of you. 

Sometimes we have to look within. It’s easy to point fingers than it is to reflect on our own behavior

https://www.scienceofpeople.com/micromanager/