#because i need to feel that my cries are heard

[forhappysake]

Never Forget a Face

A/N - Why is titling fics so hard? I used a Hunger Games quote because it fit so well so lmk if you can pick it out. Nearly 5K words, not proofread.

Summary - After the end of a bloody case, Emily tasks a begrudging Spencer with checking in on the newbie. Warnings - Spencer x fem!reader, typical BAU-level violence, murder, kn!ves, season 12/13 spoilers, extensive handwashing (?), a bitter post-prison reid with a grumpy x sunshine plot

My hands are stained red.

That was your first coherent thought as you stared in the bathroom mirror. The fluorescent lighting cast a pale glow over your face, making you look more ghostly than you already did. Your once blue shirt was covered in splotches. Your hands, dangling over the sink, were the color of burnt rust. 

As you turned on the faucet and applied soap to your hands, your brain replayed the events that brought you here. 

This was only your second case with the team. Hell, it was only your fourth case with the bureau. All you wanted to do was fit in. You’d heard great things about the BAU: the highly decorated Unit Chief Emily Prentiss, the face of the FBI - Jennifer Jareau, and the sought-after genius of Dr. Spencer Reid. 

The first case with the BAU had gone well. You’d done a lot of the grunt work, putting in an intense number of hours in a dingy police precinct pouring over paperwork with Dr. Reid, who kept telling you to call him Spencer. Despite this faux friendliness, you couldn’t help but get the feeling he was tired of working with you. 

Not that you could blame him. You were, by all definitions, a newbie. He had over a decade of experience and a serious reputation. A genius to boot, his sighs and looks often made you feel like you were in his way more than you were actually helping. Hence why, when Emily had asked for two volunteers to tail a suspect for the day, you’d quickly volunteered to go with the charming Luke Alvez. 

Six hours later, Luke, along with yourself, had tracked an unsub while he was taking his latest victim back to his home in a rural area. Back-up, which was supposed to be on the way, wouldn’t be there for at least twenty minutes. When the first blood-curdling scream rang out from the house, the two of you knew you had no choice but to act alone. 

Luke went in through the front door, making his presence known as you tiptoed around the side of the house to enter undetected. When you found a cracked window, you were able to slip inside without much issue. 

In that moment, you remembered hearing Luke attempting to talk down the unsub. You approached their voices, careful not to let anyone know you were inside. 

“How do you think this is going to end?” Luke asked the unsub, his voice firm. 

The unsub had laughed and the muffled cries of his victim could be heard from your spot. You tucked yourself quietly behind a hallway entrance into the room Luke was in. You peeked around the corner to let him know you were there. His only acknowledgment of you was a brief glance, but that was all you needed to know that he wanted you to stay in place. 

“I think,” the unsub started, with more cries coming from his captive, “that she’ll probably die before this is all over.” 

You tried to recall the profile. Emily’s voice replayed in your mind. 

“He kills with a knife and dumps the body in a secondary location, meaning he gets the women alone and gets close to them before he kills them. Based on the demographics of this region, he’s probably a white man. Likely in his 30s. Attractive but single, most definitely living alone. That’s his selling point. That’s how he’s managed to lure all these women into his vehicle.”

Nothing stuck out to you about him. There was nothing you could think to do to help in this situation besides hide behind the wall. You were waiting for a signal from Luke or the sound of backup approaching. 

Luke cleared his throat and you could picture him shaking his head. “It doesn’t have to be like this, man. Let her go and I can help you.”

The unsub laughed again and you cringed. There was something so unsettling about his voice and his laughter. 

The unsub started to speak, but his voice was cut off by the sound of sirens wailing in the distance. This was your moment. 

You whirled around the corner, gun drawn. “FBI, don’t move,” you warned. The unsub turned to look at you. His cold blue eyes bore a hole in your head. A shiver ran through your spine. “Drop the knife.” 

He appeared irritated, rolling his neck as if trying to work out a kink. He glanced down at his victim. Her eyes were wide and frantic, tears streaming down her face. She was bound and a piece of cloth was tied around her face as a makeshift gag. He pulled her up to his height by her hair, eliciting more cries.

 “Well sweetheart, this isn’t how I pictured this ending for us. I hope you’ll forgive me,” he said as he raised the knife to her throat. 

“Wait!” Luke shouted. 

It was too late. What followed next was nothing short of chaos. 

Luke let off two shots, both of which connected with the unsub. His body cascaded to the floor. You lunged forward at the poor victim. Her throat, now cut, was bleeding at an alarming rate. However, her eyes remained open and the gasps coming from her mouth told you she was still breathing. 

You threw yourself on the floor next to her, removing the gag from her mouth and placing it over her neck as a makeshift tourniquet. 

“Do you hear that?” you asked, the sirens were right outside the house. “Help is almost here, okay? You have to keep your eyes on me.” Her glassy eyes were locked on yours, but the panic was fading from them with the little life she had left. The cloth in your hands was soaked with blood and your hands were turning a deep shade of crimson. 

You shook your head. “No, no. Come on. Look at me,” you tried to encourage her to hold on just for another moment. 

In the midst of your mumbling, you felt a hand on your shoulder. You whirled around to see Luke crouched behind you. 

“She’s gone, Y/N,” he said gently. His eyes were locked on her lifeless body. You furrowed your brow, denial coursing through your veins. 

Just as you were about to protest, the EMTs burst through the door with Emily and Dr. Reid in tow. Luke pulled you out of the way as they tended to both the victim and the unsub. 

The four of you watched helplessly from the corner of the room. You felt your body shake gently, adrenaline getting the best of you. You could feel Reid’s eyes on you. His judgement making you more anxious. 

You watched as one of the EMTs working on the victim turned to look at you. He shook his head gently, a sign that she really was gone. 

You'd never forget her face.

A sigh of defeat left your lips and tears welled up in your eyes. In a moment driven by pure emotion, you shot out of the house and back towards the SUV.

Luke sprinted out the front door after you. “Where are you going?” he shouted, clearly confused by your sudden burst of determination. 

“Back to the hotel,” you said matter-of-factly, sliding into the driver’s seat of the car. He rushed over to the driver’s door, holding it open so you couldn’t slam it shut. 

He looked incredulous. “And who am I supposed to ride with?”

You rolled your eyes. “Luke, two people just died and you’re worried about who your chauffeur is going to be.” 

Luke seemed to get the message he pulled back from the door, allowing you to shut it. You started the SUV, cracking the window just enough to shout, “Catch a ride with Reid and Emily.”

You pulled out onto the highway, foot heavy on the pedal as adrenaline still run through you. 

Nearly half an hour later and still covered in blood, you stumbled into the hotel lobby. The desk lady, panicked, quickly rushed in front of you. The lady, presumably Linda based on her nametag, asked you if she needed to call the police. You’d shown her your badge with a bitter laugh, explaining that you were the police. The smell of her floral perfume was making your head spin more than it already was. Thankfully, with a sympathetic smile, she’d moved out of your way and allowed you to proceed to your room. 

Which was how you ended up here, trying to scrub blood off of your still-shaky hands. You weren’t sure how long you’d been at this, but you couldn’t quit now. The dark evidence was still embedded deep beneath your fingernails. 

-SPENCER’S POV-

Walking into the house behind Emily, I could already see the mess that had unraveled. There was blood on the wall, where the unsub lay propped up but clearly dead as if he’d landed sitting up. There was blood on the floor, covering the lifeless body of the last victim. 

And there was blood all over her, the new girl, who was standing in the corner. Her eyes stared off into the distance, and she looked like she could faint at any moment. 

She was nice. Too innocent for the job, clearly. If I hadn’t been sure about that from the other case we worked together, it was evident now. 

Emily and I walked over to the corner, standing beside Y/N and Luke as the EMTs worked on both the unsub and the victim on the other side of the room. Despite the gory scene before us, I couldn’t bring myself to take my eyes off Y/N yet. Thoughts laced with sympathy crept into my mind and I resisted the urge to reach out and put a hand on her shoulder. 

Just as I was about to do just that, the closest EMT turned to her and shook his head. The victim, as the unsub, was dead. She let out a sound that I could only describe as a shudder before she raced out the front door. 

“What the hell?” Luke asked, following her out. 

Emily sighed, staring at the two bodies before us as the EMTs packed up their things. “Kind of a harsh second case for the kid, huh?” she asked. 

I thought for a moment and shrugged, pushing sympathy away. “It’s not like it gets any easier from here on out, she might as well get used to it now.” I turned and started to walk out of the house, just in time to watch the new girl whip the SUV out of the driveway and hightail it back towards town. Though I wasn’t looking at her, I felt Emily shoot me a look. 

“You’d have never said a thing like that before you went away, Spencer,” she scolded. 

I took a deep breath. She was probably right. “No, I wouldn’t have, but things are different now,” I said plainly. 

I walked down the front porch steps and out on to the lawn where Luke was waiting for us, impatiently resting a hand on the handle of the SUV’s door. 

“Where’s your ride?” I quipped sarcastically. 

He shook his head. “Don’t start. It’s been a long day for all of us.” 

Emily caught up to me, pulling the SUV keys out of her pocket and unlocking the door so Luke could climb inside. As he did, she turned to me. 

“When we get back to the hotel, I want you to go check on Y/N.”

I felt my face contort in a scoff. “Why would I be the one to do that?” 

“Because,” Emily said, staring at the SUV before us, “someone needs to.” 

“So why don’t you?” I challenged, growing more exasperated by the second. 

Emily snapped her head to the side, her eyes shooting daggers at me. “Spencer,” she said sharply. I looked at her, trying to read her microexpressions. “I worry about you. Do you get that?” 

That wasn’t the reply I was expecting. 

I averted my eyes to the ground, somewhat ashamed of my previous attitude. “Yeah, I know.” 

“I want you to check on her because she needs someone who has seen bad things to explain to her that those bad things are survivable,” she started, eyes still locked on my face. I glanced up at her as she continued. 

“And, I want you to check on her because I think it would be good for you,” she finished. 

“Good for me?” I asked, with less attitude and more curiosity this time. 

Emily sensed the shift in my demeanor and I could see her shoulders relax. “Yes, good for you. Ever since you came back, you never stay out after cases anymore. Remember how we all used to go out together? Have a couple drinks? Relax?” 

I nodded because I did remember.  Those were some of the best memories of my life. 

“All you do anymore is go home or back to the hotels and hide in your room until the next morning, reading Vigotsky or Tarkovsky or whatever you do.”

I didn’t have the heart to tell her I was reading the works of Dostoyevsky, so I let her continue uninterrupted. 

“It’s time for you to do some socializing. I think talking about yourself might do you some good for once. Besides, Y/N really is a ray of sunshine once you get to know her. I think her company will be good for you.” 

I thought about what she said for a moment. She wasn’t entirely wrong. “Alright,” I said, “I’ll stop by her room before I go to bed for the night.”

Satisfied with my answer, Emily proceeded to the SUV. 

Soon enough, we were back at the hotel. I thought about how to proceed. Should I go to her room immediately? Should I wait and change out of my work clothes first? 

Absolutely not. Talking is one thing. Wearing my pajamas in front of her? That’s too personal. 

I decided to head straight to her room. Ripping the bandaid off seemed like the best option. 

I strolled down the hall and stopped in front of her door. I placed three quick knocks on the door and waited. And waited. I knocked again. Nothing. 

Maybe she’d gone out for the evening, I reasoned. Or, maybe she was asleep. Regardless, I was ready to turn and go back to my room when I heard the faintest sound of running water coming from inside. 

My mind raced. She was surely just in the shower, right? Or maybe running a bath? The FBI agent in me freaked out. What if she’d went off the deep end and was trying to drown herself? Or what if-

I tried to run through my options, the first obvious one being to try the door handle, which was miraculously unlocked. Who the hell leaves their door unlocked in a cheap hotel like this?

“Y/N?” I called out as I stepped into the room. The bathroom door was wide open to the left of the main door I just entered, and I peered around the corner. 

She stood before the sink, eyes locked on her hands which appeared to be scrubbed nearly raw. I walked inside, concern building by the moment. “What are you doing?” I asked. 

She didn’t hear me - or she ignored me if she did. She continued scrubbing her hands diligently. I leaned forward to get a better look. A few red streaks ran off her hand and down the sink, but I wasn’t so sure what she was washing off was the victim’s blood anymore. 

“Y/N, stop. You’re hurting yourself,” I scolded. Her motions continued. She seemed dazed and unaware of my presence. She was surely in some kind of shock. 

As I stood behind her, I felt as though the scrubbing intensified. I made a snap decision. Stepping forward, I placed my arms on either side of her body, caging her in around the sink as I firmly grabbed her forearms and separated her hands. 

She jumped violently, enough for me to release her arms from my grip and back away quickly. 

“My god, Dr. Reid. How long have you been here?” she asked as her voice shook. She looked exhausted and her hands were bright red. Red lines where she’d repeatedly used her nails to scrape at the skin caught my eye. I pulled my gaze away from her hands, making eye contact with her for the first time. “I came to check on you, after everything. I just wanted to make sure you were doing okay.”

She looked down at her hands, the realization of what she had done became apparent as she flexed her fingers and winced. 

“Looks like I came at the right time,” I said quietly, more to myself than to her. 

She shook her head incredulously before she began apologizing profusely. “I’m so sorry, Dr. Reid. I have no idea why I was doing that. You shouldn’t have had to-” 

I shrugged. “It happens.”

Silence filled the room as I noticed she was still in her blood-soaked clothes. Thoughts whirled through my mind, but I couldn’t form a coherent thought. Words were pouring out of my mouth without my approval. 

 “Here’s what I purpose,” I said before I could stop myself. “Take a shower, get changed, and meet me in my room for a few minutes. I just want to talk to you about a some things.”

 She stared at the floor. I almost thought she was going to say no. 

“Okay,” she whispered. 

I nodded, heading for the bathroom door. “Room 91A. And please, call me Spencer,” I stated. Not waiting for her response, I shut the bathroom door behind me and locked her hotel door on my way out.

-READER POV-

You felt like you were in trouble. 

You know when you’re merely a child and you get in trouble in the middle of class? You know the feeling of your stomach sinking as you walk to the principal’s office?

That was the only way you could describe walking to Dr. Reid’s - Spencer’s - room. 

After a shower that stung your hands and brought tears to your eyes, you slipped into some comfy clothes and wrapped gauze around the rawest parts of your palms, before heading to his room. 

Room 91A. You tapped your knuckles on the door twice. You heard shuffling from inside the room. Spencer stood before you, also showered, also in his pajamas. 

This caught you by surprise. He could tell by the way your eyebrows shot up at his appearance. “I figured we might as well be comfortable with one another,” he said before stepping out of the way. “Come in.”

You brushed past him as you walked inside. Though it was just a hotel room, something about the stack of books on the side table and paperwork scattered on the desk brought a small smile to your face. 

One book in particular laid face up on the edge of the bed. “Dostoyevsky?” you asked. 

Spencer raised an eyebrow, clearly surprised by your question. “Yes. Have you read his work?” 

You nodded, glancing up at him as you ran your hand over the cover of the book, tracing the engraving on the cover of the antique copy. “Everybody knows Crime and Punishment, but I prefer White Nights.” 

You’d caught him off guard. “I didn’t know you were interested in Russian literature,” he said, walking to the other side of the room and taking a seat in one of the two armchairs positioned in the corner, “or any literature, for that matter.” 

You shrugged. “We’ve only known each other for two weeks. I’m not sure why you’d have any idea.” 

His stare faltered, and you caught him averting his eyes to the floor as he leaned back in the chair. “I should have asked. I haven’t been very kind to you. I haven’t done a very good job of making you feel welcome here,” he started cautiously. 

That caught your attention. Your eyebrows shot up in surprise, but your first response was to reassure him. “It’s no problem, Spencer. It’s been so busy that I haven’t had time to get to know anyone very well.” You perched yourself on the edge of the bed, watching him carefully. 

“That isn’t true,” he said matter of factly. 

“Excuse me?” you asked, genuinely confused as to if you heard him right. 

Spencer cleared his throat, leaning forward to rest his elbows on the tops of his thighs. His hands folded and he used them as a rest for his chin. You could see the gears turning in his head. 

“I said that it isn’t true. You have gotten to know everyone quite well, from what I gather,” Spencer said. 

Before you could respond, he started in again. “I’ve seen pictures of you with Luke and Penelope at the club after the last case. I know you went to lunch with Will and JJ. She says you’re fantastic with Henry and Michael. Tara told me you helped Rossi finish the thousand piece puzzle he’s had splayed out on his office table for two months. All this while Emily claims you’re a ray of sunshine.” 

Your mouth had fallen open a bit in the midst of his confession. You tried to think of an appropriate response. “Well, yes. That’s all true. But I don’t expect you to go out of your way to get to know me. I’m a people person.” You pointed to the books on his side table. “You, on the other hand, seem to prefer quiet time alone. There’s nothing wrong with that.”

The room was silent for a moment. The sound of Spencer’s foot tapping quietly against the floor kept the time. One, two, three… 

“I didn’t used to be this way,” he said frankly. 

You glanced at him, trying to read his expression. His face was stoic. He didn’t look particularly upset, though he surely wasn’t happy either. He ran a lone hand through his hair and brushed a few solitary curls from his eyes. 

“I know,” you responded. 

He furrowed his brow at you, confusion written all over his face. You rose from the bed and approached him before plopping down in the armchair next to his. 

“You know how, for us normal people, we spend a few years in training before we actually get a real assignment?” you asked. 

He nodded. 

“I’ve been with the Bureau in that capacity going on four years,” you started, eyes locked on the wall across from you. “My third year, there were rumors about an FBI agent spending time in prison for some high-level crime. People theorized it was connected to drug running, treason, even murder.”

Spencer cringed. 

“For the longest time, I thought it was a rumor. I forgot about it and I got an internship in Internal Affairs,” you continued. “One day, my boss handed me this huge file, full of reports going back over a decade.”

He was curious now, staring at you intensely as you did your best not to melt under his gaze. 

“If you haven’t figured it out yet, that was your file. One section was full of every report you’d ever written. The other section was what the Department of Justice had collected in an attempt to convict you in the fall.” 

This was new information to Spencer, who felt himself let out a bitter laugh. You paused to look at him. 

“I’m not sure why I’m surprised by that,” he said sourly. “I knew then they would want to be as far away from the case as possible. No wonder it was easier for them to try to keep me in there.” 

You shrugged, continuing. “I guess Emily had called in a favor with Internal Affairs. I was tasked with finding proof of innocence.” 

“And?” Spencer asked. 

“I couldn’t find any,” you stated simply. He nodded. “But I never forgot the file, especially the pictures inside. I never forget a face. Reading through your life with the Bureau, seeing the sequence of ID images each year as you got older, maybe even colder. That stuck with me for some reason.”

He appeared intrigued and was clearly doing his best not to interrupt. 

“When I woke up one morning and saw this huge CBS headline about the DOJ dropping the charges against a wrongly accused agent, I felt a strange kind of vindication,” you admitted. “Nine months later I got a call from Emily, asking me to come in for an interview. Two months later, now we’re here.”  

“Now we’re here,” he repeated. 

You cleared your throat. “What I didn’t bank on when I joined the BAU, was the same face from that file would be across from me at the table every day.”

You turned to him to find he was already looking at you, and you offered him a small smile. “All this to say,” you whispered, “I think you have every reason not to be friendly with the new hire.” 

The room was silent once more, the two of you sneaking glances at each other. Spencer was the first to break the silence. 

“Emily sent me to check on you because she thought it would be good for both of us,” he confessed. “She said you should see me as an example that people can get through bad things, and that I needed to get out of my head and into the real world.” 

You were quiet for a moment before shifting in the chair. You thought of everything you’d seen over the last twelve hours.

“I never forget a face,” you whispered again, thinking back to the victim on the floor. Her glassy eyes staring up at your own. 

Spencer nodded. “Me either.” 

“So how do you do it?” you asked him. 

He turned to you. You swore you could see tears forming in his eyes. 

“I find that there's always that little moment right when you wake up in the morning, when everything's good, because your mind has temporarily forgotten the bad stuff.”

You smiled as he continued. “At night, when I can’t sleep, I make a list in my head of all the good things I've seen someone do. Every little thing I can remember. It's like a game.”

You tried to think about every good thing you’d ever seen someone do and tears welled in your eyes. “I think that’s a wonderful idea,” you said. 

“It works sometimes,” Spencer smiled. He moved forward, placing a hand on your knee. You looked up at him. The two of you stared at each other. 

“You have to know that you’ll never fully forget these things, but we get through it as a team,” he finished. 

The tears welled up in your eyes spilled over, and you noticed that a few of his own had to. The hand on your knee moved up, wiping the fallen tears from your cheeks.

After a moment of letting the tears dry, you rose from the chair. “I really appreciate this, Spencer. I’m sorry that you had to go out of your way to help me, but I am very grateful.” 

He stood, towering over you. “It’s not a problem. I enjoyed talking to you.” 

“I enjoyed talking to you too,” you said with a smile. You stood next to him for a moment, enjoying the feeling of his close proximity before you snapped out of it. “Well, I should probably go back to my room and let you get back to your work.”

You turned from him and walked towards the door, pausing only when you heard his voice call after you. 

“Y/N,” he said, taking a few steps in your direction to where you’d crossed the room. 

“Yeah, Spencer?” you said, turning to face him. 

He faltered, his eyes finding the floor again. “I just,” Spencer stuttered for a moment, trying to regain his cool. “I was wondering if you wanted to stay. Stay and talk, of course. I-” he paused a moment more. Spencer took a deep breath. “I think Emily was right. I do enjoy your company and I’d like you to stay for a while,” he said firmly. 

You couldn’t hide the surprise on your face. Spencer saw it, too, quickly rushing to give you an out. 

“You don’t have to, of course,” he rushed. His cheeks burned red. 

“No, I don’t have to,” you said. “But I’d like to.” 

You saw his shoulders relax as the tension left his body. 

“Great,” Spencer nodded. He sounded relieved. 

You walked over to the armchair, plopping back down next to him. “Right, so,” you started, “What’s your topic of choice, Spence?” 

The use of his nickname brought the blush back to his cheeks as he scurried back into the chair next to you. 

He glanced at the books on the side table, the topic of conversation coming to him quickly. “Tell me,” Spencer started, “What resonates with you about the White Lady?”

You smiled before diving into a summary that not only analyzed the text but connected it to your own life. You thought your heart skipped a beat when you caught a glimpse of Spencer smiling warmly at you as you rambled. 

It was a long, interesting, conversation-filled night. 

[patrywoso]

17. Ingrid Engen

+18 smut

Warnings: Spanking. Choking. Mommy Kink. Lexan paddle.

A/N: Thanks to @ljs-woso-vibez for proofreading this fic and being awesome.

You knelt on the floor with your eyes downcast and your hands on your knees as Ingrid undressed. God, you really wanted to watch, but you had been told to stay in position and your earlier spanking in the morning had taught you enough for the day.

“You can look up, darling.” Ingrid directed. You smiled softly because you love looking at Ingrid. From your position on the floor you have a perfect view,, all her soft curves and long, thick legs.

“Stand.” Ingrid tells you.

You scrambled to stand, catching yourself as you stumbled., Ingrid gently pushed you back, laying you on the bed and pinning your arms above your head.

“You were so good for me today, baby,” Ingrid cooed, pressing kisses to your neck. “But I don’t think this bottom is red enough for me yet.”

You let out a whine as you muttered the word “green.”

“Good girl,” Ingrid whispered, pulling you up and flipping you onto your elbows and knees. “Stay in position, dear.” You stayed still as Ingrid went to get what you were assuming was the Lexan paddle.

Your ass was still stinging from the events of this morning, but it was about to get much worse. A shiver went down your spine and you could feel yourself becoming wetter by the second.

Ingrid came into view and you saw she was holding the Lexan paddle, her favourite because she loved the marks it left.

“Good girl.” Ingrid cooed as she rubbed the cool material over your upturned bottom before bringing it down in a firm swat. You jerked forward but immediately repositioned yourself, arching your back as much as possible. “You’re so wet for me, darling.”

“Mhmmm,” you hummed, and Ingrid brought the paddle down again, this time on your other cheek. You moaned softly at the sting it left behind and wiggled your bottom in Ingrid’s direction in a wordless ask for more.You wanted to reach your hand down and touch yourself, but you knew from experience that would lead to an actual punishment and not the funishment you were receiving.

“Not yet, darling. I’m not done with this bottom of yours.” Ingrid said, and you let out a moan wrapped with pleasure. Ingrid rewarded you with two quick spanks to your right cheek, followed by two on the left. “You’re doing so good for me, beautiful,” Ingrid whispered.

“Then fuck me!” you whined, turning your head to look back at Ingrid.

Ingrid clicked her tongue at you. “Patience.” She reminded you, landing a harder swat to the middle of your backside, catching your pussy in its wake. You clenched around nothing as Ingrid continued spanking you, whining and pining for more.

As Ingrid continued to redden your backside, you found it harder to stay in position., Yyou did your best to keep your back arched, bottom in the air, but it was more difficult as she continued. Finally, you fell forward at a harsher swat to the middle of your ass and Ingrid clicked her tongue at you.

“Naughty girl.” Ingrid chided, grabbing your hips and pulling you back up. “You just couldn’t stay in position for me, could you, my little kitten?”

“I’m sorry, it’s just so hard, Mommy!” you cried, barely noticing the word that slipped out, you heard her chuckle dirtily as she picked up the paddle again.

“I think Mommy needs to spank her little kitten until she is sore and sorry. Is that what you need?” She asked.

“Yes, Mommy,” you whined.

“Yes, what?” Ingrid said, expecting more.

“I need you to spank me, Mommy.” You blushed harder than you’d ever blushed before.

“Good girl. We’re almost done.” Ingrid cooed, bringing down the paddle again and again until tears pricked your eyelids. You let them fall onto the bed and Ingrid set down the paddle. “You did so well, darling.”

“Please, fuck me,” you whined, turning back to her and pleading with wet eyelashes.

“Yes, naughty girl.” Ingrid chuckled. “So impatient for me.”

“Yes,” you panted. “Please” you begged, and you felt her warm breath on your entrance. Ingrid slowly lapped at your pussy, and you shuddered.

“You taste so good.” she murmured, continuing her work. “You look perfect like this, with your ass red and at my mercy.”

You moaned out another string of “fuck me” and Ingrid finally continued, tonguing slowly at your clit. She stuck her tongue in your entrance, and you nearly screamed, it felt so good. She flipped you over on your back and used one hand to lift the hood of your clityour clit hood, and her tongue found its way to your sweetest spot.

“God, mommy,” you moaned, bucking your hips up for more. You felt firm fingers press into your hips, holding you down to the bed and you squirmed in her hold. “It feels so good.”

Ingrid moved her tongue away and stuck a finger in your hole, curving much too slowly for your liking. Ingrid hovered over you and pressed her free hand to your neck, slightly choking you, enough that you could still breathe and feel the pressure. She added another finger, slowly working them in and out.

“Fuck,” you whined, as Ingrid pressed a thumb to your clit and began to rub. “I’m gonna come.”

“Good,” Ingrid smirked, quickening her pace, you shook under her as you felt the warmth fill your body from head to toe.

You wriggled under her hold as you came, and she let go of you, kissing your forehead gently she said, “I’ll be right back with a towel to clean you up, and a glass of water, my love.”

You hummed in acknowledgment and closed your eyes, still coming down from your orgasm. As soon as she’d gone, Ingrid came back with a towel and slowly cleaned you off. You sat up and grabbed the glass of water, obediently chugging all of it. You knew what Ingrid expected, especially after a scene like we’d just had and you weren't in the mood to be spanked again, that Lexan paddle had really worked you up.

Ingrid laid down beside you and beckoned for you to come cuddle, and you obeyed immediately. You rested your head on her chest, relishing in the skin-to-skin contact and the warmth that came with it as Ingrid ran one hand through your hair and caressed the other over your burning bottom.

“Ingrid?” you asked, peeking up at her.

“Yes, sweet girl?” She responded.

“I love you.”

“And I love you beautiful.” Ingrid kissed the top of your head, and you slowly dozed off in her arms.

[marvelsmylife]

These wings are made to fly

Pairing: Rhysand x Illyrian!Reader

Request: Could you write a Rhysand x Illyrian!Reader where they meet Rhys is 20 and the reader is 18 and is about to get her wings clipped when Rhysand and his family visit the Illyrian camps and Rhysand feels the mating bond snap just before they’re about to clip his mate's wings and he stops them. Basically what his dad did for his mom, but Rhysand actually cares for his mate and her well-being

A/n sorry it’s so short

Masterlist

Request

Rhysand hated this. Hated witnessing the female Illyrians getting their wings clipped, especially when they performed this barbaric act in public. He always expressed to his father how cruel it was to strip females of their ability to fly. His father, in turn, would scold him for his words. He then went on to explain that if he ended up with an Illyrian, he would give him the option to not have his mate's wings clipped.

His mother, for the most part, would remain silent when Rhysand’s father would scold him for speaking up. Today was a different story. Today she decided to speak to her son privately after being scolded to praise him for having a kind heart. “I know that you will do great things when you become a high lord. I know you’ll put a stop to this madness. Just keep holding on.”

Rhysand kept hearing his mother's words as they continued to watch innocent females cry as their wings got clipped. He was ready to turn away and hide in his tent when he heard your cries. Looking over, he spotted you being dragged by your father and older brothers. Tears were streaming down your face as you begged for them not to clip your wings. “No” Rhysand whispered as he felt something in his chest.

That’s when he felt the mating bond snap between the two of you. Without thinking, Rhysand rushed to where you were and got between you and the male who was going to clip your wings. “No,” Rhysand said in a stern voice. His father was about to scold him for interfering when Rhysand added “She’s my mate and I’m prohibiting you from clipping her wings”.

Rhysand’s father had a stern look on his face but motioned for the male who was about to clip your wings to step away. “There will be no more wing clippings for today. Everyone go home.”

Just as you were about to relax, your father stormed over to where you were and started berating you. “It doesn’t matter that she’s mated to the high lord's son. She is my daughter and I demand that you clip her wings.”

Rhysand stood up quickly and got in your father's face. “You get no say in what happens to her wings. She is my mate and future high lady of this court and if you do not like it, you are more than welcome to move to another court.”

Everyone gasped at the mention of a high lady because such a thing had never happened in their lifetime. Rhysand’s mother had a proud smile on her face as she watched her son defend his mate with such conviction. His sister was proud of him as well and clapped while Rhysand finished speaking. When your father and brothers didn’t move, Rhysand’s father stepped forward, “I advise you to walk away before you regret it.”

Your father and brothers quickly retreated, but not before saying, “Keep her. She’s not welcome in our home anymore.”

You let out a sob as soon as your father and brothers left. Rhysand knelt beside you and held you in his arms. “It’s ok, it’s ok. I’m here, I’m here and I’m not leaving your side.”

You wrapped your arms around Rhysand’s neck and began to sob harder. “Thank you, thank you, thank you,” you kept repeating.

“You don’t need to thank me,” Rhysand wiped away your tears before placing a kiss on your forehead, “You’re going to come live with me, you’re my mate and I’m going to take care of you.” Rhysand looked over to where his mom was standing and noticed she was still smiling before she walked away with his father and sister.

[filmbyjy]

ONE NOTE

SYNOPSIS > When you turned 18, you heard your best friend’s favourite song. Turns out, it was just one of the various signs to finding your soulmate. However, you couldn’t bring this up to jake. Not when he was in a happy relationship with your other best friend! Would you choose heartbreak or sacrifice your happiness for the sake of keeping the friendship?

EIGHTEEN – the first petal

MASTERLIST | PREVIOUS | NEXT

a/n: please note there is a written part after these 6 pictures!! don't forget to read it because it is part of something important.

“breathe.” yvette says as she pats your back. it was suffocating. the sink was bloodied up, splatters of blood that you had coughed up in a span of 5 minutes. mae runs in with a bottle in her hands.

“here, drink up.” she quickly opens the bottle up and hands it over to you. you took the bottle and quickly drank it.

“why didn’t you tell us it was this bad. we obviously knew that jake was your soulmate but we didn’t think that your body would react this way.” yvette looks at you.

“you’d honestly think that this disease would be a mythical thing but it is very much true.” mae says. you felt the tears fall down your face. yvette wipes them for you. she looks at you with such pity and such care.

“man, fuck that bitch.” she declares. “making such a sexy girl cry? not very girl’s girl coded of her.”

“she doesn’t know. i don’t think jake would tell her. besides, he doesn’t even know i’m his soulmate.”

“well, i think she would find out either ways. she’s such a weirdo.” mae huffs. yvette nods.

“what are you going to do?” yvette asks.

“live with it.”

“but you’re going to cough out blood if you keep seeing them so loving and disgusting.”

“it’s okay. once it gets worse, i’ll just get the surgery.”

“to remove your feelings? (name), you can’t seriously be thinking of doing this.” mae sighs. “i’ve seen people decide to go through with the surgery, they aren’t like themselves. once you do it, there will also be complications in the end. you won’t live for long.”

“there is no other way. if end up dead then so be it. i can’t let jake know. he’s very much in love with aria. he would never love me.” you sobbed. yvette pulls you closer and keeps you in her arms.

“hey hey, let’s not talk about death. you’re alive and well right now. let’s live your life to the fullest and make the best out of it. you aren’t dying.” she mutters. mae grabs your hand and lightly squeezes it.

“yeah, who cares about jake and aria. you have sunghoon, your friends, your brother and us. we are there for you.”

you were thankful for the people who were close to you. you had wiped your tears and nodded. “you’re right.”

there were a series of knocks at the bathroom door. yvette rolls her eyes and opens the door. “we’re having a sentimental moment here.”

“sorry, girls. just checking in to see if (name) is okay.” jay says.

“that or are you already missing mae?” yvette folds her arms. jay awkwardly laughs a little.

“maybe but i’m more concerned for my best friend of course.” you laughed a little and sniffled. you pushed mae forward towards jay.

“take her oh my god. you find out she’s your soulmate and you can’t stop being away from her.”

jay shrugs. sunghoon steps forward and hugs you.

"I'm not dying, hoon."

"just let me hug you. you need it." he says. your smile falters a little. "you can cry, you know?"

"i already cried just now."

"and? you can cry again and I wouldn't judge."

"I know you won't, hoon."

your brother comes up to you. "okay, break it up. can I hug my sister?"

sunghoon lets you go, and leehan easily replaces him. "when did you get so big?"

"I've always been big." he says. you laughed.

"okay, but you're my baby brother."

"yes, i am." you ruffled his hair and he pulls back from the hug.

"let's go back. those two are probably wondering where we are." taesan says.

"the last i saw them they were making out-" *whack* ni-ki winces when sun whacks him.

"don't even mention that." sunoo warns.

"right, sorry noona." ni-ki pouts. you sighed a little.

"it's fine, ni-ki."

you could see jake and aria coming closer to the group. jake was mainly concerned about everyone but aria...she's just kinda following jake.

"hey, why is everyone gathering around here?" jake asks.

"oh, there was a slight mishap so (name) called the girls over. we were worried so we waited outside for them." heeseung explains.

"you could've told us."

"yeah, but you were busy making out with aria so we didn't want to bother the both of you." sunghoon says. there was a petty tone underlying as he tells jake.

"what the fuck is your problem?" jake comes up to sunghoon. sunghoon scoffs.

"nothing."

"nothing? you said that the other time and then you went on a tangent hating on my girlfriend." jake folds his arms.

sunghoon rolls his eyes. "well, I'm right either ways. you were sooooo oblivious and busy with aria that even when (name) got hurt or had an issue you didn't care."

"she's fine now, isn't she? you guys took good care of her. she's in good hands, so i trust you guys to care for her. after all, I'm just her best friend and I am busy with my girlfriend. You don't understand me because you don't have a girlfriend!" jake yells at sunghoon.

you start to cough up again. this time when you look down at your hand, not only was there blood but there was a petal. the first petal to have ever appeared. you had looked up to see everyone staring at you. jake's jaw dropped when he saw the blood in your palms.

you didn't know what else to do other than run away. sunghoon glared at jake once more before he runs after you.

this was moving too fast...

were you dying?

taglist[open]: @sumzysworld @mitmit01 @moon3verland @baribaaari @byty2k @alex-is-sleeping @viagumi @txtlyn @belovedsthings @woninluv @dreamiestay @niniissus @kyutiepeachy @yoongisbaguetteshoes @squiishymeow @jjaammm @enhaz1 @illvding @woniejjang @bee-the-loser @laurradoesloveu @ckline35 @ningx2stan @hoonlvly @clampclover @xyzyx01 @victoriasimm @eneiyri @nshmrarki @woorcve @bubblytaetae @i03jae @soobieboobiedoobiedaboobie @l1wv00n @onlyhyunjin @kyanmeai @isa942572 @lisaswifey @alisonyus @firstclassjaylee @szkstay @enhamysunshines @milanco @hsbae @zyvlxqht @lixiebokie @wth121 @enahasblog @gongiz @anuisamazing @heestrawberries @gyehyeonist @nshmurarki @heelovesmeknot @silquids

(bolded can’t be tagged)

[tradgedyinwaves]

tw: emotional neglect, military inaccuracies, one sided relationship, sex, cursing, not necessarily unwanted sex, but not encouraged

You told him.

Over and over.

If he didn’t stop treating you like a maid and fuck buddy, you were done.

“Simon, you didn’t do the dishes like I asked and now I have to do them before I can get started on dinner,” you chastise, moving dishes around so you can get them done. His team was coming over for dinner that night, but he’d made no move to help you.

“Ah, I forgot. ‘M sorry,” he called from the couch, eyes still glued to the game flashing across the screen. You huffed and got to work, mentally creating a list of everything that would need done before the guys arrived in…four hours. Great, you had to shower too. 

Only once you’d finished the dinner and were getting into the shower, did Simon finally rise from the couch. He pushed his way in, joining you in the shower. His massive hands found your hips before sliding between your legs, searching for the little bundle of nerves.

Oh, now he wanted to pay attention to you? “Come on, luvie. Let me feel your tight cunt on my cock. I know how much you love my cock,” Simon grunted against your ear, his fingers dancing over the most intimate parts of you. And you let him.

Let him take what he wants because at least, he’s paying attention to you, right? You sigh as he slides into you, feeling the familiar burn and stretch. It’s quick and dirty. He pulls out to shoot his seed between your legs and down the drain. You don’t finish and climb out of the shower to let him finish in peace. 

You stand in front of your closet, opting for a black dress that flaunts your curves but still allows you comfort. Stepping out of the bathroom, fully nude as he uses a towel to dry his hair, he grunts when he glances at you but makes no effort to compliment or even really look at you. 

“I thought I asked you to do the laundry. You know I have that court marshal and Price will have my head if I don’t look presentable,” Simon rants from the bedroom, looking for the ONE button up he owns that he wore earlier in the week to a meeting with some big wigs that the higher ups wanted them to meet. 

The issue was that you were currently bedridden and unable to leave the bed for more than a few minutes to use the restroom or grab food. You’d been laid up with a case of pneumonia that led to bronchitis, making breathing difficult, let alone doing your boyfriend’s laundry. 

You didn’t answer him, rolling away from the closet and curling into yourself. He’d not even been taking care of you, citing that he couldn’t afford to get sick. What if he needed to be deployed, but he was stuck in bed because he was taking care of you? His reasoning was fair, but you were his girlfriend. Shouldn’t he be more worried about getting you well?

It was Simon’s last night home before being sent on a mission. You weren’t privy to where he was going or how long he’d be gone, but that was normal. Something you’d adjusted to when you started dating the man. 

Normally, he’d at least stay home with you the night before. Maybe a movie or something before he’d fuck you into the mattress for three minutes, leaving you unsatisfied. But he tried right? 

This time though, he was throwing his leather jacket on and grabbing the keys to his bike. “You’re seriously going out with the guys you’re shipping out with instead of staying home with me?” you cried, tears slipping down your cheeks as you finally broke from the quiet ways he neglected you. 

“Sorry. They wanted to have a good night of drinking before we’re forced to be sober for weeks on end,” he reasoned, barely even giving you a glance before coming over to kiss the top of your head then disappear out the door. 

The door clicked shut and you heard the key turn in the lock. 

When Simon returned two months later to an empty flat and all of your things missing, he was stunned. Finding the note and your copy of the flat key laying on the coffee table had him collapsing on the couch as he stared at the two sentence note you'd left. He’d taken you for granted for too long, neglected you when you deserved the world. 7 words to shatter his world.

“Don’t come looking for me. I’m done.” 

[pixiesfairygrove]

༉‧₊˚✧ i cross my heart , PART TWO.

a five hargreeves multi-fic . . 🎞️🕯️ — intro.

warnings : minor swearing .ᐟ

author’s note : THIS ONE’S KINDA LONG and there’s not too much interaction with five and (name), but the next part there’ll be more !! hopefully it doesn’t bore y’all too much,, happy reading ᡣ𐭩.

“what the fuck happened to you?” klaus asked, seeing the brunette walk into the hotel with scars and bruises all over his face and body. “don’t ask," he sighed heavily. five marched his way upstairs to their shared room. klaus and diego, who continued to sit down gave each other a puzzled look but decided to shake it off. five took a lengthy shower and put on some different clothes to lounge in, and after, he climbed back down.

"that little delinquent is your son?" five heard klaus ask their other brother in midst of a laugh, "allegedly my son." diego was quick to respond back. five took a mimosa from the counter as he listened to their conversation and walked his way to sit among the duo. klaus let out a hearthy laugh, "that's so funny!" he cackled. five turned to look at a pigging-down stanley,

"wait, who's.. who's the mother?" five asked him. "lila." diego again, responded quickly with the same dead-panned expression. five could feel the cold rush over his body, relieved from the heat of the sun (name) had inflicted on him. "excuse me?" klaus raised a brow in diego's direction.

five furrowed his brows at him in panic, "woah.. lila's here?"

"was. she dropped him off in my lap last night then bolted."

"i don't much care for that one." klaus gave a slightly disgusted look, swirling the straw in his own drink. "don't." diego pointed a finger at the man. "technically, she's family." five tilted his head. "she was trying to murder us, like, yesterday!" klaus cried, disgusted at both of them. "yeah, like i said, family."

after the whole conversation about viktor and marcus, five walked back to the counter to put his glass away and to grab something to eat. as he did so, the lights inside the hotel began to flicker. employees and visitors inside began to question and freeze until the light went back on again.

five shook his head, thinking it's nothing more than a power malfunction and continued to scavenge for his food.

klaus slowly crept his way towards him, "hey. what do you say we get outta here, huh?" he walked around his younger looking brother like a vulture. "take a little.. road trip."

five looked at klaus with the same furrowed brows, moving his eyes from klaus to the selections of entrees. "what are you talking about?" he asked. "i'm talking about a sojourn to the countryside." klaus moved his hands to get his attention. "you and me, the wind in our hair." he flipped his long brown hair sassily. "thelma and louise on the open road."

"you know they die in the end, right?" five let the corner of his lips slightly smile.

"holding hands,"

"living our best life, my little cherub!"

five scooped up some other things to put on his plate while klaus talked in his ear. "listen," klaus whispered. "i nearly died from luther's sleep farts last night." klaus continued to follow him around like a lost puppy. "we need to get out of here, get some fresh air!" —

"okay, i'll bite. why me, klaus?" five finally turned to face the taller man. "because you said, you said — you're retired, and that's what retired people do. and don't you deserve some fun?" klaus sang,

but five was too distracted by the missing lobsters in the fish tank across the counter. "there's no lobsters." five spoke. klaus hummed. "there were three lobsters in that tank a minute ago." klaus shook his head and rolled his eyes, "yeah, well, you know, maybe chet blended 'em into a morning smoothie." he teased.

five gave him an 'are you serious?' look before, "you're an idiot but, i'm in."

"whoo!"

— 𐙚₊˚⊹ ⭐️

ben watched (name) walk into the hargreeves mansion with her apron over her arm, her nose still bloody, but she knew she didn’t look as bad as that five guy. ben looked at her up and down with a confused and cocky look on his face. “what?” she raised a brow at him, noticing his stare.

“you saw one of them.” ben pointed at her with a smirk. she giggled, “the time travel dude yeah.” she tossed her apron on the couch. “i still don’t see your reason for working at that dingy old place when were rich and famous, (nickname).” alphonso commented.

all her siblings sat on the couch, watching a movie. “i like interacting with the people there, so many stories, so many lives.” she spoke, ben making a gagging face. (name) threw an empty water bottle at him, “HEY!” ben caught it mid-air with one of his tentacles.

jayme slapped a newspaper roll on (name)'s head. "ow! what?" (name) shot daggers through her (eye color) eyes.

"me and alphonso are going to the pharmacy to grab snacks. care to join?" jayme leaned on the kitchen counter as she faced her little sister. "nah, i might go on a trip, being here around you guys makes me loose my sparkle." (name) displayed jazz hands before chugging down a bottle of orange juice.

"right. sparkle." jayme repeated with a quick chuckle. "just don't crash the car yeah? not like how sloane did." sloane furrowed her brows. "the curb wasn't there when i first looked!" sloane retorted as she melted in her seat.

— 𐙚₊˚⊹ ⭐️

"fuck."

"fuck."

(name) crossed her arms in annoyance against the teen boy beside her. before them was the ball of twine, five eagerly asked klaus to turn the car towards. “is this the sunshine that beat your ass to a pulp?” klaus pointed his finegr at (name). five rolled his eyes and slapped his hand away,

“what are you doing here!?” five exclaimed. “i needed time away from my siblings! don’t get your panties in a twist thinking i’m following you dipshit.” (name) let out a loud chuckle as they made eye contact, and their faces practically inches away.

klaus giggled, “if you guys start making out i’m going to start laughing.”

“shut up!” five yelled at klaus. “i mean, we could.” she sent him a flirtatious wink, klaus shared a laugh with her. “i like her. can we keep her?”

“no!” five rubbed his temple before taking klaus by the sleeve, “come on klaus were leaving.” five turned his back to the ball of twine and the young girl. “so soon!? this trip gets so boring alone, fives!” she yelled back, a wide smile plastered on her face. “she’ll be lonely five! she just said!” klaus fought back.

five turned back to (name). he should’ve said no, he should’ve told her to get lost. but why was he so hesitant to do so? why did it feel like he wanted her around?

“fine.” (name) smiled even wider, and hopped towards the brothers, “this is gonna be the best trip ever.” five again pointed a finger at her, “but if you try fighting either one of us, we’re leaving you on the streets, sunshine.” the brunette’s voice hinted with poison.

she kept the smile on her face, her hands up in defense. “i cross my heart.”

[torturedtypewritersdept]

the sun + the sand - pt. three - suspicion

↳PAIRING: bff!rafe cameron x fem!reader

↳SUMMARY:you have a stalker, but your best friend rafe won't let anything happen to you, even if he has to come clean about how he really feels.

↳WARNINGS: mentions of stalking, blackmail, inappropriate behavior (not from rafe), protective!rafe, etc.

↳A/N: this is a repost from my old blog @illicitfixations + @lovelornanonymity. all of my works are being reposted to this one + the previous blog has been deactivated.

After you cried in his arms, revealing what you truly thought of yourself, Rafe felt uneasy and guilty. Had he not shown you how special you were to him or were you just blind to all the colors you exuded? If he could pinpoint one thing to associate you with, you would be the lavender hue of a Carolina sky as he looked out the boat at the open water. Being in your presence, for him – there was simply nothing like it. You made him feel good and warm and being around you, there was nothing he could compare it to. You felt like sunshine in the pouring rain. How could you not know that? He asked himself the same questions repeatedly that night on his way home, wondering whether or not to make his feelings for you known somehow and that’s exactly how he would end up in your bedroom the following day. He laid with his head in your lap as you droned on and on about your college applications and of course, he was listening. Well, half-way. He had already applied to every school on your list, knowing that he needed options because, let’s face it, he was in love with the smartest girl in every room and he didn’t know which room you’d choose to be in. He just knew that whatever room that was, he had to be there too. He looked up at you, committing the freckles on your face to memory as you spoke. ‘Best friends don’t feel like this’, he thought. However, he pushed the notion quickly out of his mind as you began speaking to him again. 

“Hello? Rafe? Are you even listening?” 

You questioned him, annoyed that you had just gone a five-minute long rant about college and you could see the boredom in his pale blue eyes. 

“What? Y-yeah, I’m listening, promise.” 

He said with a sheepish smile, embarrassed he got caught staring at your beautiful face.

“Oh, really? You promise, huh? What did I say then?” 

You questioned, mischief gleaming in your eyes and his breath caught in his throat. He knew he had been found out and he would have no real excuse. 

“Yeah, that’s what I thought!” 

You exclaimed, smacking him in the side of the head lightly. The look on his face was one of pure shock, unsure of what exactly had happened until the sight of your grubby paws came at him again, smacking relentlessly over and over again. They were playful taps, but he moved away quickly morphing into his role of the tickle monster, yet again. You bellowed out, a mixture of yelps and laughter erupting from your belly. 

“Okay, okay! I’m sorry!” 

You playfully exclaimed, begging him to stop. 

“I know you are, peach. You know better.” 

He said, a low chuckle coming from his throat as he gave you a wink. He held your wrists above your head and the air of the room suddenly felt thick, all he wanted to do was kiss you. But, he couldn’t bring himself to cross that line and lose you completely. These moments with you like this, with no one else around or watching were the very bain of his existence. He loved them and he loved you, he would rather have you and love you from afar than not to have you at all. His body hung over you and for a moment he thought he saw longing in your eyes but it quickly dissipated as you heard your phone ring. He let out a sigh, resting his forehead against yours before moving off of you. You leaned up, grabbing your phone off the nightstand and proceeded to let it ring as you noticed the no caller ID banner light up the screen. 

“Who is it?” 

Rafe questioned and you shrugged your shoulders in response. 

“I don’t know, it’s a private number.” 

You replied. The ringing stopped and then started again, this time, however, you decided to pick up the phone. 

“Hello?” 

Your tone was abrasive as you spoke the question laced greeting, assuming it was some stupid call about your car’s extended warranty. You waited a few seconds, but got no reply, so you decided to hang up. 

“No one was there.” 

You told Rafe and he rolled his eyes. 

“Next time they call, let me answer.” 

He huffed out and you nodded. It rang again a few moments later and you made eyes at Rafe who proceeded to jump from the bed and hastily pick up the phone. 

“Hello?”

He grunted out. He listened intently, only hearing breathing on the other end of the phone. 

“What the fuck do you want? Are you gonna talk or just sit there and breathe like an idiot?” 

He growled, pacing around the room as his anxiety rose with hearing nothing more than increased breath sounds on the other end of the line. Rafe wasn’t sure what it was, but something told him to look out the window at that exact moment and as he did, there he saw the shadow of a man standing at the woodline. His eyes went wide as he locked eyes with the stranger. He couldn’t think, instead, he acted, running out of the room, ready to make whoever it was meet their maker. 

“Rafe! Rafe, where are you going?!” 

You called after him, wondering what had placed him in such a panic. 

“Stay here and do not come outside unless I say, do you understand me?” 

You gingerly nodded and watched as Rafe distended the staircase as fast as he could. His long legs aided him in getting out of your front door in record time and his blue eyes honed in on the woods, searching for any sign of the person he just saw, any sign of the fact that he wasn’t completely delusional. He quickly came back down to earth and after ten minutes he realized whoever was here previously was gone and while that might’ve been true, Rafe couldn’t shake the feeling that something was inherently wrong and he intended to find out exactly what it was. He slowly made his way back into the house and up the stairs to get you. 

“Pack a bag sweetheart, you’re staying at my house tonight.” 

as always, if you'd like to be added to my taglist, please let me know <3

taglist:

@maybankslover

[romanarose]

Wreckage

Joel Miller

Join my taglist : Masterlist

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Summary: Joel and Tommy go back to Joel's home the morning after outbreak day and comb through the wreckage of their life.

Warnings: I'll be clear, Joel attempts suicide. Major, major, major trigger warning. Joel's extreme grief, guilt as a parent, just sadness. Endless slightly hopeful, a hint that he will find healing. But it's mostly wump. PLEASE head the warning, i cried writing this.

Based on Wreckage by Pearl Jam. I heard it and immidiatly thought of Joel and Tommy, pleeeeeease listen.

Visited by thought, another darkened day

How you're like the sun, hiding somewhere beyond the rain

I'm needing for the light, stormy is the grey

Rivers overflowing, drowning all our yesterdays

It was over. His life was over. Sarah, his baby daughter, his sweet teenager who was his reason for getting to the end of every hard day, his smart, talented, matured-to-early-because-he-couldn’t-give-her-what-she-needed daughter died in his arms hours ago. Minutes later, him and Tommy were arrested, torn away from where he held her, Sarah’s young body limp in his arms. Joel screamed as the soldiers tried to take him, wanting him to walk away from her when he wanted to lay down and waste away in the field with him. Tommy tried to calm him down but eventually the soldiers took them both away. They were released not too long later, sent back to their little town to gather up their things and move into some quarantine area. Wanting to avoid it, they went to Tommy’s first, grabbing his identification and what he could fit into a bag. Tommy lived in a studio, a messy bachelor pad… Joel had to look through a whole life lived in that house. They stood at the front door, bodies of their neighbors having been cleaned up already. Tommy put his hand on Joel’s back. 

“Are you ready, brother?”

Joel shrugged Tommy off. “No.” He opened the door.

Visited by thoughts on another darkened week

How even every winner hits a losing streak

The mistakes we all make and perfectly repeat

Chains are made by DNA refusing

Refusing to release

Everything was her.

Her soccer shoes on the floor he yelled at her to pick up that day.

The countertop she sat on as a toddler as he cooked breakfast for her on a Sunday that Tommy inevitably would come over and eat. Joel always made extra just incase.

The staircase they had their first major fight when she was 11. She came home late and after years of fairly lax parenting for a mature little girl, he laid down the law. She screamed that he was never around anyway, so why did it matter? Joel wanted to tell her it mattered because he was worried, that he spent the last hour calling every parent he knew, Tommy driving around town after dark because they didn’t know where she was. Instead, he got defensive and raised his voice.

The couch. Every late night movie they fell asleep watching, every time he woke up and she was dozed off on his chest or the arm of the chair. Every night he scooped her up and carried her to bed. Nights she faked being asleep so he’d do it. Feeling her growing up in her arms and feeling his age in his knees but never letting that stop him from picking her carrying her up the stairs, even in her teens. He would have done it last night. Instead he carried her past burning buildings and people killing each other as he and Tommy tried in vain to save her.

Combing through the wreckage, pouring through the sand

Surrounded by the remnants, what we could and couldn't have

Raking through the ashes, falling through my hands

Charcoal on the faces in the burned up photographs

“Whaddya need?” Tommy asked, the question two fold. They were being moved, shuffled to some containment area to be assessed for illness and then… who knows. Joel and Tommy would need clothes for a few days, they were told. But Tommy was also asking Joel, ‘How can I help you?’ But he couldn’t. Not really.

“Some bags in the cupboard.” He answered, looking at Sarah’s 100% paper he hung up on the fridge. Tommy grabbed them, waiting on Joel. They didn't have luggage, he didn’t travel enough for it. Well, Sarah had one, but he didn’t feel like taking a Spongebob suitcase. He had a backpack upstairs where he’d put his clothes in. “Food. Get canned shit.” They had enough of it. Joel was always feeding Sarah chef boyardee and campbells soups, like the lazy parent he was. Why didn’t he take the time to cook her real food? He was always so tired… too tired to take care of his only kid? She was in soccer, she was growing, she was in puberty, why couldn’t he be what she needed? WHy did he have to fail her, again and again and again and…

“M’ going upstairs…” 

Tommy said something, but Joel’s ears were ringing and he couldn’t hear. He couldn’t do it, he couldn’t face his daughter's bedroom… Joel closed his eyes as he walked past. Backpack was in his closet, he would just grab it, shove some basics in there, and get the hell out. When Joel opened his closet door, his backpack was there… And so was the gun he had up top for emergencies.

Oh, visited by thought and this I got to say

If you're feeling the leaving, I can't make you stay

I've only ever wanted for it not to be this way

But you're now like the water

And the water will find its way

He shouldn’t. He knew he shouldn’t. Joel was baptist, he was raised think suicide meant he was going to hell, but what was this world without Sarah? For 13 years, Joel poured everything he had into raising her and it wasn’t enough. He was never home, she said as much in the card she gave him for his birthday. He didn’t feed her right, he didn’t spend enough time with her, every single one of her accomplishments from soccer to her grades was all her. 

The gun was enticing,  up there for him, hidden in a lock box after Sarah got sent home with a pamphlet on gun safety after Columbine. Maybe he should just take it, just incase there was trouble… No, that was stupid. If the government was rounding up civilians, they weren’t going to let him walk in with a gun, everything would be searched. And one guy with a gun wasn’t going to be a match for 100 guys with guns. Joel would probably end up getting Tommy shot too, failing everyone he loved. 

Still, Joel got the keys and opened the lock box.

Combing through the wreckage

Holding out, holding on

Combing through the wreckage

Combing through the wreckage

“Joel, you wanna take a picture or something?” Tommy calls upstairs, startling Joel as he looked at the gun. He barked a no. Joel didn’t need a reminder every day of how he failed Sarah, how his one fucking job was to keep her alive and he couldn’t do that. He was a failure, and without Sarah there was no point.

There was no point.

Oh, visited by thoughts and not just in the night

That I no longer give a fuck who is wrong and who's right

This game of winner takes all and all means nothing left

Spoils go the victor and the other left for dead

Joel took the gun to Sarah’s room. If his home hurt, the pain he felt in here was unbearable. Purple was everywhere, her favorite color. Her bed was unmade, because it never was. He traced fingers over the pictures on her walls, her with her friend, with im, with Tommy. He looked around the room. She was everywhere and nowhere. Tears burned in his eyes, and he didn’t hesitate to let them fall again. Half done homework. When would this have been due? He didn’t know because he didn’t ask. A hair bonnet on the bed stand with some vampire book. The cover looked suggestive, was she old enough to be reading it? Joel knew so little, he was realizing. Did he know too little? It didn’t matter now. All those failures collided into that moment one last night, the moment he lived over and over again. The moment that would be his last thought.  

Combing through the wreckage

Holding out, holding on

Combing through the wreckage

He was taught to believe suicide meant going to hell, but Joel couldn’t fathom that. If there was a God out there, and Joel believed there was, Joel would pay his dues in purgatory and then go on to heaven. If there wasn’t a God, he would just be at peace. 

Either was better than this world without Sarah

Combing through the wreckage

Joel laid down on her bed, smelling her hair products on the silk pillow. 

He raised the gun to his head.

“I’m coming, baby girl.”

Holding out, holding on

Holding out

Holding in

Holding on

Combing through the wreckage

“Joel?”

He flinched. It was a flash of a thought at he pulled the trigger. Tommy. 

The gun went off, grazing his head.

Holding on (combing through the wreckage)

Holding on, oh (combing through the wreckage)

Holding on (combing through the wreckage)

It was unbearable.

When the gun went up, Tommy screamed Joel’s name, running upstairs to find his big brother bleeding out on his niece's bed, and there must have been a moment when Tommy thought Joel was dead.

The pain in his head wasn’t what hurt so bad, it was the pain of Tommy seeing him like this, of being so vulnerable, of having to have the person he should be protecting worrying about him. It was the pain of Sarah’s death. It was the pain of every failure that mounted in his house.

Joel began to scream. He wasn’t sure when it started or when it stopped, but as Tommy sat on the bed and pulled Joel into his arms he screamed.

Falling through the wreckage

“I need you, Joel!” Tommy shouted, frantic as he held gauze to Joel’s head. “You don’t get to leave me! You don’t get to do this!” Tommy was crying too.

But he was right.

Crawling through the wreckage

He had to take care of Tommy. Tommy had to live. Joel had always watched out for his brother, raised him, protected him, made sure he was fed when their dad was passed out drunk and their mom was out late with ‘friends’. Joel had to keep him alive. He failed Sarah, he couldn’t fail Tommy too. 

Joel would lock everything away. He’d push away it all, he’d shove down every feeling about Sarah. He didn’t want a picture, wasn’t going to think of her every day when he had to focus on Tommy.

He looked down at his wrist. When he went to go unlatch it, leave it in the house… but he couldn’t. In that moment, removing the watch would be like removing her again. He decided to keep it. A watch was useful, right?

One reminder. A reminder of what he lost so he remembered to do better for Tommy.

Everywhere, and nowhere at all.

Combing through the wreckage

As they stepped out of the house, the cul de sac seemed far too bright and sunny for the occasion. Too nice. Too happy. But it didn’t matter, Joel reminded himself. He looked at his brother, the younger man’s face seeming aged 10 years in one night. Joel found a new sense of hope.

He’d live for Tommy, he’d keep his family alive. Save who he can.

It didn’t matter what Joel had to do to do it.

*************

Thank you so, so, so much for reading and giving this a chance even though it's not a x reader. I appriciate each and every bit of love you all give.

2 more Joel WIPS to clear out before i excit this fandom

I hope yall give the song a listen, i cried listening to it while writing.

tagging those who might like but dont feel presured!!! i know it cn be triggering

@my-secret-shame-but-fanfiction @miraclesabound @jennaispunk

[ditzyblues]

i've been in college for one day and im ready to drop out

like who invented this. Why would you do this to the innocent people (i chose to attend college and picked my schedule)

the worst part of it all..? i couldn't draw. because i was shy and afraid that someone would see me drawing.

[waywardsalt]

back to thinking about quitting

[seithr]

Randomly remembered the half-reason i call my oc-verse by the name it has while laying in bed. One-half of the reason i still knew, but I had forgotten what had truly, really cemented it jointly until now

(it was a song from my favourite band I haven't listened to in a while.)

(the song fit so well at the time, still does, that i needed to hold onto it for the main protagonists forever, by partially naming their story in reference.)

Does this explanation make any sense? Does anyone know why I'm tearing up remembering this. Aahh

[avocado62524]

[raeathnos]

.

[myname-isnia]

Why does the woman who unfortunately gave birth to me always feel the need to ruin the one good day I have in ages

[gay-dorito-dust]

Would they or would they not catch you…

Dick: yes. 100% yes but he’s -no pun intended- a little bit of a teasing dick about it.

He will catch you but then act as though he’s going to drop you by loosening his grip, making you scream out of surprise and cling onto him tighter, all the while beaming that bright and beautiful smile of his as though he wasn’t about to willingly let you fall flat on your ass on multiple occasions.

‘I fucking hate you!’ You whined, smacking Dick on the bicep.

‘Oh do you now?’ Dick inquires as he slowly begins to losses his grip on you, smirking.

‘Did I say hate you? I meant love you, a lot! Please don’t drop me.’ You cried as you tightened your grip on his neck whilst struggling to keep your feet from touching the floor. ‘Awww I love you too gorgeous.’ Dick coos as he pressed kisses into your face as you could only glare at the cheeky bastard.

You hate him sometimes but you weren’t going to complain about the affection you were being given. So you guess you’ll suffer for now.

Side note: he might even try and see if you can catch him. 💀

Jason: He will catch you but makes it a big deal whenever he can. He loves holding you in his arms.

He could keep you in his arms forever if he could but knew that he can’t, so he settles for going about his day carrying you throughout the apartment instead.

‘You can put down any day now.’ You’d tell him but that only makes Jason tighten his grip on you as he moved in his makeshift library for a book to read.

‘No.’ He simply replied, scouring the many book titles in front of him in the hopes that one might speak to him. You pout. ‘What do you mean no?’ Jason then looks at you and says. ‘No means no. As in no I will not put you down because I do as I like and will not be told otherwise, so the cutie currently in my arms has to deal with it.’ He then smiles as he presses a kiss to your forehead before looking back towards the bookshelves.

You end up falling asleep in his arms and Jason couldn’t help but smile at how cute you were, even if you did look like the living dead.

Damian: says no but will in fact catch you without hesitation.

However if you do try to tease him about it, then he will drop you without a second thought. ‘You can catch yourself next time.’ He would say as he walks away, leaving you with a bruised ass. Titus -who saw the whole thing- would come up to you to make sure you weren’t genuinely hurt and encourage you to get up by nudging you with his head.

Don’t test him because he will do it and then act like the whole thing didn’t happen if you were to bring it up.

‘Dick.’ You’d say as you stood up.

‘I heard that.’ He’d call back, his voice echoing off the walls. ‘You were meant to.’ You reply. ‘And at least Titus came to check up on me to see if I wasn’t hurt.’ You’d add while scratching Titus behind the ear.

Needless to say you were more cautious when choosing Damian to catch you. However he does apologise for dropping you on your ass by gifting you something he himself drew by hand; He secretly doesn’t like it when you’re upset with him and will do anything to rectify it.

What a sweetheart.

Bruce: he’s too use to you pulling this type of shit that it’s basically muscle memory for him to catch you as you’re running towards him, all with a straight face mind you.

Be grateful because he risked a much needed bowl of Mulligatawny soup just to catch you in his arms, but then again the kisses you bombard his cheek is more than reward enough, a small almost missable smile appears on his lips as he then proceeds to carry you for the rest of the day as “punishment.”

( this only occurs when Bruce is feeling particularly affectionate or playful)

Much to your batkids -Dick, Jason, Tim, Damian, Duke, Cass and Steph- dismay. They’d want to use this as blackmail, but they know that it will backfire as you’ll probably hang the photo on a wall somewhere in the manor, reminding them of how disgustingly their parents can be when given the opportunity.

[loserboysandlithium]

18+ hoes

Eddie’s calloused fingers dig into your hips, pressing you hard into the mattress as you squirm beneath him. “Eddie please.. I can’t.” you whimper pathetically, the sound only making him chuckle into your warmth.

“Gonna give me one more, sweetheart.” he mumbles drunkenly before his long tongue is lapping at your soaked cunt once again.

“I- Eddie, I can’t.” you squeal as tears flood your cheeks, your clit puffy and red from his constant torture.

“Wasn’t a request, Princess. Now give me one more.” he smirks up at you just as he shoves three thick fingers inside your pussy, immediately curling them right into your sweet spot.

“Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck.” the word falls from your lips again and again as Eddie brings you right to the edge of your sixth orgasm.

“P-please. Eddie please.” you whine, your heels dig into the mattress as you try to push your body away from him begging for an ounce of relief. It does nothing but make him fuck his fingers into you faster. The loud squelching of your drenched pussy heard above all else.

“That’s not your safe word, baby.” Eddie winks up at you before burying his face once again, his lips wrapping around your sensitive clit, tugging it into his mouth relentlessly. Your entire body feels like it’s floating, every touch from him making it that much harder to breathe.

You can taste your safe word on your lips, your body completely overwhelmed, your hair sticking to your forehead with sweat, your cries coming out hoarse as he continues destroying you. But you keep quiet. Because you want it. You need it.

You let go one more time, allowing yourself to give into him entirely. You feel your pussy walls clenching down hard around his ringed fingers as your head falls back into the soft sheets. Stars flood your vision as your hips jerk against his hold on you.

Eddie pops off your clit, his eyes now locked on your beautiful face as your mouth drops open with a silent scream. “Fuck, there it is. Let it all go baby. Such a good slut for me. Soak my fuckin’ hand.”

You can barely hear his words of praise as your highest high hits you. You can feel the warmth as your cum runs down to your ass, your thighs soaked as well.

Eddie gives you a second for your body to relax before he slowly removes his fingers, bringing them straight to your lips, making you suck them clean. He leans down licking a long stripe against your pussy, your hand automatically reaching out, striking him hard across the cheek. Your eyes widen as a dark smile forms on his pretty lips.

“Oh, baby. Now you’re in for it.”