#because i have a fucking mortgage
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my parents paid off one of my loans yayyyyyyyyyyyyyyy
#shitpost#my main issue with my parents for awhile was that they weren't really helping me (esp compared to my siblings)#and like. they're the reason my debt is so steep because i barely got federal aid#b/c my parents do well enough that the govt expect them to pay for my school but they weren't really able to in actuality and blah blah bal#anyways. my monthly payment went down by $100 and so it isn't almost 1k anymore#it's a much more manageable 850.#i hope. i can put some more money towards this because thats still higher than i pay for my mortgage lmaooooooo#i fucking hate u private loans.#ok sorry. im very happy about this#ALSO this payment has made my total owed finally less than what i make in a year#if i only pay back the minimum though i still have 8.5 years of paying so uh......hoping to get that to decrease....#but if im saving 100 more dollars a month (and im probably getting a raise in april next year) then i can shove some more money at them..#sorry these loans fuckign consume a huge part of my life fml lol
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mfw i just realized neither of the gay cousins are gonna be here tn or i guess really none of the younger ones except the one that traumatized me at a very young age and changed the trajectory of my life forever. and the cop (her brother)
#it’s gonna be really cool. there’s the kid cousins ranging from very little to like in high school now. what the fuck. and like a foot#taller than me. and all my old aunts and uncles. and the cousins i don’t have much in common with seeing as they’re 40 with a mortgage and#kids and i’m a deadbeat gay kid who just graduated and brings no bitches home and has a dead end job and no prospects#on any front really. but it’s okay because of my beautiful nature and spirit. 🩷🫶 i’m hanging on here. by a thread#you would get it if you spent a minute around my parents. but then there are some things you just can’t even be tuned into#if you’re not aware of years of lore and resentment. but still the vibe is overall off and bad#and they’re physically deteriorating too it’s like a dorian gray thing in that i feel like#their souls have been dying and so they appear much more old and weary than they even are. on top of the just actually getting old#abby talks
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Do not engage with bad takes, I say, quietly seething as complete strangers character assassinate my favorite fictional guy
#saw a take that was like 'aizawa would have been harder on midoriya than all might was when he asked if he could be a hero quirkless'#which is fair! i think that's right. people make aizawa out to be too nice when he actuality would have been really harsh about his chances#but then people were like 'yeah aizawa would have been way worse. he would have told him to jump off a building like bakugo did'#NOOoo he would have been harsh specifically because he doesn't want a kid to get himself killed. what are you talking about#aizawa is the most anti-suicide character in this fucking show like what are you talking about#but also I'm 30 and have a mortgage. i have to let it go lol
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the lord is testing me so hard rn. holy fuck. give me a break
#hbbbbbb spent what i built up after the semester on the mortgage i'm tired i have a full shift tomorrow and now the powers out and#i need a charger block for my phone cause i need to wake up tomorrow. wanted a shower. mom was gonna make a quiche i don't want wendy's lmao#i also do not want to start crying in front of her i am just. grumpy. and it is fine. but i need to not be tearing up when i get to the#pharmacy because my friend works there and will ask what's wrong and im not crying in cvs. so. hough. okay.#stop tearing up. get meds. get shitty stupid dinner i'm so sick of chicken holy fuck. go home. mom is also extremely overwhelmed i don't#want to get upset in front of her idk how to not do that. hhhgh. sucks. it sucks and it's bad and i'm tired
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Good news: our company won the call for bids with the state so I still have a job for the next five years
Bad news: I still have a job
#misc#i mean the stability is a good thing#can't complain about that#but if i lost my job at least it would have gave me the kick in the ass to find a new one#because after the 40hrs I'm too tired to do so#but that's on me#although all job offers are fucking insane for low wage pay#and that's on capitalism#it's a prison#but at least i have the money to Fuck off the country once in a year#but no chance of a mortgage because im alone with minimum wage in a very expensive area#anyway#that's what i said#financial stability is good#but this place is bad
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Can't afford to rent because I have two dogs, can't afford to buy because I don't have a 10% down payment. Stuck in living-at-parents purgatory.
#bark bark bark#it is CHEAPER for me to have a mortgage payment than a rent payment every month#i just can't get a mortgage atm because down payment is a bullshit thing that exists and I make too much to get much financing#housing market is both bullshit AND completely fucked right now#hell i'm really playing with the idea of not buying anything until after I know what happens in November so I can flee to canada if needed
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Oh, I love when medical offices prove how incompetent they are
#atlas adventures#medical misadventures#wdym i found out my insurance expired three weeks after the fact. last week. and my therapy office#despite me twlling them last week when i found out. just now called. told me i have a 200+ balance#and have to pay 70 upfront tomorrow. because they just. never checked my insurance?? for four weeks???#how did they fucking add that shit to a self pay bill without checking insurance. they literally told me last week they had no fucking clue#and i wake up to that fucking voice mail#if you want to have your appointment tomorrow please being the full payment of 70 dollars (: you have a 210 dollar balance (: (:#please bring a minimum of 70 dollars if you wish to continue services (: (: (:#bitch my mom owes over 1k on our fucking mortgage rn do you think i can pull 70 goddamn dollars out of my fucking ass#im unemployed and trying to get my ssi reinstated for 3 fucking years do you think i just have 70 dollars shoved up my fucking ass#if i had 70 fucking dollars laying around i dont think id be as miserable as i am???
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man i think i’m 5 seconds away from a mental breakdown
#I’m actually running out of money now despite working 6 days a week and making 6 figures#Because I bought my acreage with my brother and factored him paying 1/3 of the expenses BUT he’s decided to be unemployed for 1.5 years#I pay the mortgage mortgage insurance utilities internet groceries#I have $800/month in student loan payments#I have to spend like $150/week on gas because my commute is 2 hrs round trip every day#I only eat one meal a day usually because I don’t have the time to grocery shop or cook usually and my brother only cooks for himself#I do all of the chores and at least 1/2 of the yard work#I have the heaviest workload of any of my coworkers (which has been acknowledged but my manager says his hands are tied#Because if he took work off of my plate he’s have to give it to someone else and there is no one else)#I’m being severely underpaid at my job ($4 under the STARTING wage for a pharmacist now despite me working there for 3 years.#But I “got the largest raise last year” lmfao#I’ve been seeing someone but he works nights and his schedule is wack and it results in me going to bed at 3am some nights#I’m also on call this week so I have to be ready to answer calls at any time past 11pm#My hair is legit pulling out in clumps and my hair is half of my personality :(#i’m about to mcfuckin lose it#Brain feels like mashed potato#Oh also I’m on my fucking period
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AHHHHHH
#this post brought to you by: me#i. applied for a preapproval letter for a mortgage yesterday. and spoke to a realtor to start finding me houses#i want to move several states away which further complicated things. but the houses there are CHEAP#like under 100k for a 2 bedroom move in ready#anyways i got approved for 80k with a 20k down payment. and im FREAKING THE FUCK OUT#and because i got that pre app letter i have a loan officer calling me today to talk#and we literally work at the same bank so i can SEE that hes active and hasnt read my message#even though its been 45 minutes. KEVIN MESSAGE ME BACK. IM NOT GONNA BE ABLE TO FOCUS UNTIL I DO THIS CALL#AHHHHHHH S C R E A M. it might happening!!!! i might be finally.mov8ng out in a few months!!!#i mgiht be a HOMEOWNER by the end of the year#i have been saving money for this since i was. 16? 17?#ive had a good well paying job since i was 18.#AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH#once i have a house then i start job searching in that area. and start getting really serious about LEAVING my very good job#which is soooo scary. this job was supposed to be my lifelong career. but then everyone fucking moved to other states and left me behind#so theres no point staying here.#i might never have this kind of job security again.#but also my realtor said that theres a lot of bank jobs in that area so maybe itll be easy to find something#on the fence on if i tell my parents that im Making Moves right now#on one hand its hard to not talk about it becuae im STRESSED TF OUT#but on the other hand when i tentatively mentioned the state i want to move to#richard started yelling and swearing el oh el#might be better to wait and avoid the tension as long as possible?#but also i dont know how they can stay angry when its literally my best option#the other places where my friends live either have 0 opportunity and high housing prices. or are even moe liberal than where im going#idk. why do half of my problems come down to “my parents will be mad” like im a 12 year old or something. shit fucking sucks#this is why i want to get out of here#also it feels weird and bad to talk to my friends about how stressed i am about buying a house when all of them are stressed about#not being able to make rent or something. my problems feel like a brag in a really odd and shitty way. but hey!#if this works out maybe ill start being stressed about how im going to make my mortgage payments! :') yay!
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when you're disabled, being financially abused by your parents never ends
#so you're telling me that you got 5k this week from claiming me on your taxes#while hounding me about how i haven't been contributing enough to bills & expenses (i was giving you what you asked for!)#and none of it will go to me because ''i owe it to you for living with you''#despite the fact that 5k nearly covers the mortgage for the entire YEAR#DESPITE THE FACT THAT I COULD PAY OFF MY OWN LANDLORD AND MOVE OUT#btw i literally only let her claim me on her taxes bc she said she'd be giving it to me. and this is the third time she has done this.#promised me it wouldn't happen again. she used me.#she does this thing a lot#where she acts like she's helping people but only does it to hold it over their head#i told her i could have been paying her more for bills but she told me i didn't have to#and now she's complaining that i don't pay enough#i will literally tell her not to help me sometimes#bc she'll do it anyway and then later on you hear ''i did something nice for you so if you don't help me with a favor right now...#...I'll do everything I can to sabotage your life''#so she literally only does it for personal gain#so that she can have an excuse to feel like she's better than all of her kids and that we're just stupid ungrateful assholes#all 3 of her kids could be telling her that her logic is wrong and she won't budge#another thing that happened recently is that she told me i needed to pay her back for a gift she bought me that got stolen#which is also something she does a lot. buys me things without asking and then telling me i have to pay her back for them#i had way more stuff stolen that i had personally bought#i didn't ask for that fucking keyboard sorry. I ALREADY HAD ONE.#and she's been going on about how ''she's the one who's ACTUALLY being affected''#she is FULLY AWARE that the dude she lets over has stolen from us MULTIPLE times#but apparently it's my responsibility to pay her back for something out of my control#STOP BUYING ME SHIT AND TELLING ME I DON'T NEED TO PAY YOU MORE IF YOU'RE JUST GONNA HOLD IT OVER MY HEAD#IF I'M SUCH A BURDEN MAKE IT POSSIBLE FOR ME TO LEAVE#.bdo
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#oof I already signed the new lease agreement#which is good because it means I can finally apply for a rent subsidy#but oooof the buyers regret is hitting me hard you guys#am I going to regret moving away from this amazing location that I unfortunately can’t afford anymore? YOU BET YOUR ASS#will I be better off financially in the new place? AGAIN. YOU BET YOUR ASS#am I upset with my current landlady for calling me selfish and saying I can’t move out unless I pay for two months in advance#so that she can have her mortgage paid for while she looks for a new tenant that fits her extremely picky standards?#ALSO YOU BET YOUR ASS.#Am I going to have to eat whatever’s available at the food pantry for two months so I can afford paying rent to her AND to my new landlords#AGAIN. YOU BET YOUR ASS.#N I HATE THIS ENTIRE SITUATION AND THERE’S SO MUCH GIVE AND TAKE AND I WANT TO JUST BUY AN RV SO THAT IT’S AT LEAST SOMETHING I OWN MYSELF#why have we allowed things to get this bad. why do most of the people in my immediate circle seem to be stuck right in the middle#of the ‘find out’ part of someone else’s ‘fuck around’ era?#why couldn’t I have been good enough at some random skill to monetise it#Not athletic enough to be a prof. sportsman not talented enough to be a prof. singer actor artist dancer or musician#I was doomed to be mediocre and draw mediocre art and sing mediocre songs and play mediocre sports#and get a degree in a mediocre field so I couldn’t even find a mediocre job#fuuck#ugh my chest is hurty sned hlep
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Day three of holding everyone’s laundry hostage until my father takes a shower.
The last of my father’s beloved white socks have fallen to the filth. There is little hope, and even less in terms of rest. The battle is ongoing, and it feels often that I am fighting alone. Morale is low; my ally in this conflict, mother, is injured. I long for the days when I can rest. When this war will cease, and all will be clean again. The dishes done, the people bathed, the laundry washed and folded. Alas. We know the struggle will never end.
I am Sisyphus, and my father’s horrid stench and apathy are forever my boulder.
My father is a war profiteer, and I am a hapless young recruit greeting a doomed mission.
Last shower date: December 25th, 2023
#collective tag#it spoke#i’m venting#but like… only half serious#god I am so so so so tired.#I’m so pissed man#at just. everything#this house is falling apart around me and It’s like I can’t do anything#I have begged and begged and begged this fucking man to take a goddamn shower.#I cry about this#because he just doesn’t fucking care#I CANT DO EVERYTHING!!!!!#NOT FOREVER#huge ass ants everywhere? sure. fuck it. why not#piles and piles of laundry? okay. I can do that.#not paying the mortgage until our shit gets shut down and mom and I yell at you?#cooking halfassed meals that are only barely tolerable to you and inedible to everyone else#and then complaining when we don’t eat them despite how much we’ve all told you?#and leaving the whole kitchen to rot?#PISSING YOURSELF REPEATEDLY AND NOT CHANGING YOUR PANTS BECAUSE YOU DONT FEEL LIKE IT AND NEVER SHOWERING FOR MONTHS ON END?#I’m just… words cannot describe how tired I am right now.#mom has a broken foot too so I also have to take care of her even more than normal#how did baby me handle this all the time on top of school?#‘yeah sure i can take care of two fucked up angry disabled adults on top of my crippling childhood trauma and schoolwork!’#—>#‘I swear to fucking god I will telepathically make my heart stop beating by sheer force of fucking will if I hear you call for me again’#deepest apologies to any poor soul that reads this#i really just needed to cry and scream and cry harder again until I throw up#and maybe a hug
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Imagine shutting down the company whose most profitable channel created the term “let’s play” for being unprofitable
#literally can’t process that the channel I used to turn on in my darkest moments to get a laugh out of my hollow chest is shutting down#I have achievement hunter posters from what feels like eons ago#rt and ah were there for me in my formative teenage years#and now you’re telling me the whole company is shutting down because wb doesn’t think they’re making them enough money#imagine how many people they just put on the street#how many peoples lives they just ruined#the poor fucking employees that have to scramble to find new work to keep their insurance and their mortgage paid#I hate wb more every day
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Some autistic tiktoks say they forego functioning labels but then love to make a point about how they can hold down a job and have low support needs
#actually autistic#it feels like a roundabout way of saying you're high functioning#i say this as someone who technically have low support needs or whatever...except i need support! society just doesnt recognize i need it#im just seen as a NEET/swer who has depression and cant stay on task...when it's literally fucking autism#i cant get a job. yes it's because of my autism. cool flipping beans.#but youd consider me a regular adult because of my age and the way i act and the fact that i can make eye contact and act neurotypical.#tldr...im talking about tiktoks that mention how theyre autistic but have a job and pay taxes and are an adult...#...like bitch youre just saying youre high functioning??#on one hand thanks for showing that autism looks like an adult with a mortgage and acts neurotypical but just QUIRKY#on the other like??? the fucking 30yr weeb in his mom's basement is likely to be autistic
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aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa I'm usually pretty chill about making phone calls but I have to make a phone call in The Nebulous Future and I'm inexplicably nervous about it.
#it's not even a big deal I just have to tell my insurance company that my mortgage is paid off#which means I have to pay my condo insurance directly now since no more mortgage means no more escrow account#and that's fucking awesome but I'm like aaaaaa why wasn't this just automated when I paid off my mortgage?#seems like it could've been#also I'm way overdue for a physical and should call about that but also I don't want to get it done anytime soon?#not from any nervousness of having a physical but because I know the health system is fucking strained from covid
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i think i’m approaching terminal burnout
#can’t quit my job because I’m saddled with 100% of the payments on a $500k mortgage because my brother has been an unemployed neet for 9mos.#can’t take time off of work because there’s no one to cover for me and every day I’d take off just puts me one day (or more)on my work#And it’s work that requires me to stay on a strict schedule because that’s what’s required for nursing homesto continue operating in albert#I have no life outside of work#Don’t even have time to enjoy my acreage#Also was sick for 3 weeks in august and still had to work from home that entire time. No days off and no drop in productivity allowed#And I just constantly get shit on at work. No appreciation just getting criticized#and I have no life outside of work because I fucking work 6 days per week. And my friends are sick of hearing me bitch about it all#And my mom told me last week not to talk to her if I’m going to complain about how bad things are for me lol.#so I guess I’ll just write long winded text posts on tumblr.com and throw them into the void#lol#oh i forgot to mention that I’m also surrounded by I’ll demented and/or dying people on a daily basis so the job is extremely depressing
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