#because he’s the biggest asshole to Steve tbh

[nburkhardt]

There might be a lot of them but I mean, how could I not try my hand at this? Especially after watching this and going “yep that hurts”. Granted, I ended up just using the line (“I know he used to be an asshole but…”) instead of going off the sound a whole lot.

Anyway….timeline is all screwed, don’t think about it too hard. Also clearly not canon. Obviously. Only hints of steddie.

~~~~~~

Look, he knows okay? It’s pretty well known across town. It’s no secret and he’s ashamed of it all, it’s something he doesn’t want to reminisce anymore. He’s grown and he thinks he’s better, hopes he’s better. Swears he hasn’t been like that for a few years now, so why does everyone keep bringing it up?

Why does he have to keep proving himself? What does he have to do for them to stop bringing it up?

The first time it happens, he brushes it off. Mostly because it’s true, he was an asshole and he was still learning and breaking himself from who he was. So, it makes sense for Nancy to say it to Barb and then again weeks later to Jonathan. Truth be told, he thinks neither of them believed Nancy.

(it’s a stab straight to the heart when she calls him bullshit)

It’s months before he hears it again, that he nearly forgot the words. It makes him freeze when he hears it from Dustin as he’s cleaning the Byers’s kitchen. The kid is arguing with his friends about why he’s even here. It’s like he’s hit with a bucket of cold water to hear, “sure, he can be an asshole but he’s here to help!”

Sure those words work to help the other kids lay off Dustin’s back, helps make them grumble less about him. But to him? The words sting and it feels worse coming from the kid who he actually likes, thinks they could be close. Clearly there’s a line between them.

He does forget the words, not even an hour later when Billy fucking Hargrove smashes a plate against his head and beats the shit out of him.

Almost a year later and who he was is thrown directly in his face on his first day of work at Scoops. It’s such a slap to the face, not even a full week after his dad cuts him off.

“Thought an asshole like you would on his way to college with daddy’s credit card”

The smile he had on his face just barely falls, mostly because he forces it to stay in place. It also stays because he’s frozen mid-step to introduce himself. Instead, he drops his hand and moves around her and starts working. The words swirling in his head all day, making him stay quiet and just do the job. Even when girls flirt with him, he ignores and works through it.

The “You Suck/You Rule” board came to be a few days later and he sucks it up and is civil with Robin over it, gives it his all to be friendly. If only just to make this job easier and so he doesn’t get fired for being rude. It isn’t until Dustin comes back from camp and the whole Russians and drugs on the floor for Robin to say it again

“You were such an asshole…”

He doesn’t fully hear what she says, it’s hard with the ringing in his ears and his brain froze the minute the word came out.

After it all, even with his brain screaming at him to run away to lick in his wounds, he doesn’t. Forces himself to see one of the EMTs and to help Robin find her parents and promises that she can call whenever she needs something. It’s only after that, that he makes his way home to have a breakdown over it all.

Despite it all, he does call Robin and Dustin his best friends. (Probably his only true friends, if he’s honest.) And he regularly hangs out with them, and sometimes drives Dustin and his friends around. It stops only because he and Robin get jobs at Family Video and the kids start high school.

He breathes easier now, he thinks. He’s been out of high school for a while now, hasn’t been “King Steve” since ‘83. Robin and him are close enough now that he doesn’t freeze anymore, only overthinks their friendship a little bit.

Spring Break rolls around and the moment Dustin and Max storm into Family Video, he’s immediately on edge. Doesn’t show it, of course. The whole search for Eddie Munson, he’s on edge.

He can’t tell if it’s because of the upside down or if those words will make itself known, again.

Everything is a blur, to be honest. Especially after he’s dragged under water and choked by the bats. Nothing really processes for him, it should worry him, actually.

What he does remember is thanking Eddie and being called metal and Eddie saying, “I guess I couldn’t accept the fact that Steve Harrington was actually a good dude”

That somehow swirls in his head after and he doesn’t get it. He’s spiraling over it, to be honest. Even if he’s also on autopilot making sure no one dies. After it all, rushing everyone to get their wounds checked and to make sure Max is alive, Eddie’s words are still swirling and he’s still confused.

He thinks about it every single day that he visits Eddie in the hospital. The other man isn’t awake, much like Max. He doesn’t speak much during the visits, too busy in his own head. Sometimes he mumbles the words back to a too-still Eddie, sometimes he questions the words and in turn, questions Eddie. Never getting any answers to his questions.

If he’s being honest, he doesn’t actually want answers. Maybe Eddie didn’t mean it, maybe he was just being nice in the moment. And he doesn’t want to hear Eddie say “thanks for saving me, but you’re still an asshole”

If he heard that, he’d probably break.

So, he stays quiet. Much like all those other times his friends called him an asshole.

Weeks go by and he doesn’t bring it up. Doesn’t even mention anything that happened in the upside down, even after Eddie wakes up and they’re friends now. Even after Max wakes up, nearly three months later.

They all regularly hang out together, including Eddie’s band mates. Who he can tell definitely don’t like him. So when they’re around, he doesn’t even bother Eddie. Even if all he wants to do is be near the metal head. But he can see it on their faces when he does stand close to Eddie, they never say anything in front of him and he can’t tell if he feels better about that or if he’d rather they do say with him near.

Ultimately, he hears the words again and causes him to actually have that breakdown he knew was coming.

It’s like the world hates him. Because he was having a good time, he was starting to actually believe Eddie’s words and was inching his way to the man, and of the places it happens at his house.

He’s sitting on a lounge chair watching Dustin try and fail at pushing Lucas into the water. Eddie’s curled up in the lounge chair pushed next to his, they’re talking about nothing in particular and he’s hyper aware of how close they’re getting right now.

“I don’t know, man, maybe-“ Eddie had started to say when someone else’s voice is louder and catches his attention.

“Oh, I know. Steve’s definitely an asshole”

And he freezes immediately, his body going rigid and growing hot, tears well up in his eyes. He can’t hear anything else and his eyes are blurry now but he has to get away. This is too much, he can’t breathe anymore.

He nearly falls into the pool in his rush to get up and away from everyone. He doesn’t even know who said it, not that it mattered right now. All that matters is getting away, he can’t be near them anymore. Needs to be alone, to breakdown by himself.

Why do it in front of all of them when they so clearly think it’s true?

“Steve’s definitely an asshole” swirls in his head as he forces himself to rush to his room. Clearly, they were just keeping him around as a buffer- because why else would any of them keep him around? Better to let the asshole get beat up instead of kids, right?

He falls onto the floor as soon as his door is shut and let’s out the sob that was stuck in his throat.

~~~~

Well that hurt 🥲

(Part two) (part three) (part four) (part five)

[lena-in-her-mind-palace]

Comparing The Avengers to the Justice league but it's actually accurate

We're just gonna do the main ones because otherwise we'd be here forever

I'm also mainly using mcu characterizations because I'm not as familiar with Marvel comics as I am with DC

Iron Man - Batman

This one goes without saying

Tony is literally Batman and Brucie Wayne put together

Billionaire Playboy Philantropist Superhero who?

They both have ridiculous paranoia

They're rich orphans with British butler (or butler adjacent if we're talking about Jarvis)

Incredibly smart and know it

They both run multimillion dollar companies

and work to better the world both in and out of their super hero persona's

Thor - Aquaman

Non human royalty

friendly and funny

Both of them have a strong sense of duty and loyalty towards their people

They just don't get normal society a lot of the time

Also interwoven magic and science

and they both have really strong elementally based powers

plus a very specific weapon that is inherently associated with them

to be honest, I don't actually know much about aquaman but it feels right

Captain America - Wonder Woman

They are literally soldiers

They both fought in a world war

Also Diana's love intrest is literally a blonde soldier named Steve

Both of them have a strong sense of duty and moral obligation

They're also the most fond of proteges and younger heros

I'm sorry but Steve had no business being so nice to Peter during the airport battle

Dude you are literally fighting each other

Idk the military background makes them more similar in my opinion

also the fact that they're super behind on a lot of modern day stuff

Like everyone remembers Diana discovering ice cream don't we?

and grandpa steve my beloved

Hulk - Superman

okay this one was a little hard

at first I was gonna do Guy Gardner cuz green guy with anger issues. But Guy's kind of an asshole and Bruce is a sweetheart

so then I thought the Flash for the science but I don't think Bruce is into puns enough to match with either Barry or Wally

But Clark is perfect

Clark is a dork

But he is genuinely really intelligent

also they literally wear the same glasses

I think Clark and Bruce would get along really well

If you want to talk about the anger issues

Well

We've all scene Batman V. Superman

Tbh not my favorite version of superman

Clark is obviously not quite prone to rage

and it's definitely no where near hulk levels though

But when he's angry it gets destructive real fast

think about most of his fights with doomsday

Constantly worries about his own strength and hurting the people he loves

Which is a struggle both of them are characterized by

Black Widow - Orphan/Black Bat/Batgirl

okay I know cass isn't technically a member of the league

but hear me out

also I'm not actually sure which title is Cass's current one

anyways

both were raised from childhood to be a lethal weapon

and they truly are

they both have a major guilt complex over the lives they've taken

and that's one of the biggest factors for them becoming a hero

they joined the good guys to get out of the assassin lifestyle

Also dancing?

like the widows were trained in ballet since it was the red room's cover

and cass dances as an escape

I think it's poetic

Also they both are the owners of their family's shared braincell

Cass is like Natasha but younger really

Hawkeye - Green Arrow

so I know at first glance this seems obvious

yk skilled archer or whatever

but I wasn't exactly for it at first

I'm not really Green Arrow's biggest fan

But I've recently been reading Mia's run as speedy

and despite the vast, and I mean vast, difference in her back story with Kate

Their mentors are very similar with their proteges

like Oliver is just so soft with mia and it's adorable

not to mention neither wanted a protege at first and then they go and basically adopt them

literally in oliver's case

Also Ollie's into pranking as much as Clint is

And admittedly Oliver is just as strongly attached to his family as Clint is

if we ignore the thing with roy because wtf Oliver

Runner ups:

Thor and Wonder Woman: mythology and their whole fish-out-of-water-ness in modern society

Thor and Captain Marvel: again mythology, lightning powers, and also their childlike nature (literally in Billy's case)

Black Widow and Black Canary: badasses that keep the men on their team in line. need I say more?

Iron Man and Green Arrow: only thing that got me is that Ollie's not nearly smart enough to go toe to toe with Tony

Vision and Martian Manhunter: they can pass through walls and they just don't get humans

Scarlett Witch and Zatanna/ Dr Strange and Constantine: I don't think this requires elaboration

Winter Soldier and Jason Todd: fallen hero presumed dead starts working for the bad guys before switching back to the good guys

Bonus:

Spiderman and Dick!Robin

they're bendy

they love puns

they love swinging in the air

they're smart

they give their mentors high blood pressure

everyone loves them

they have a lot of grief

they have a thing for really smart, badass red heads

Ball of sunshine with ridiculous anger issues

also I think a meeting between Dick and Peter would be a disaster in the best way possible

[princess-of-the-corner]

Actually!

I have a great guideline for how I'd WANT Chloe to be written!

Ever heard of Trollhunters of Arcadia? It's a great show it's on Netflix.

There's a character there named Steve Palchuk. Long story short, he IS Dash from Danny Phantom. He's an absolute asshole and we hate him. But he is largely treated as "annoying, but nowhere near the biggest problem we have right now" for exactly the reasons that other anon was talking about.

Anyway, he's pretty terrible until one episode in Season 2 where he runs into one of the secret monsters that the main character Jim fights. The only person he's ever heard talk about this is his favorite bullying target: local nerd Eli Pepperjack. So he and Eli team up (because it turns out Eli has an entire conspiracy board and has more or less figured out ALL of the weird magical/supernatural activity occuring in Arcadia without being TOLD anything). They manage to piece out that Jim fights the bad monsters to keep them safe, and agree to subtly watch his back and also Steve agrees to be nicer and take things Eli says seriously (in private at least).

All episodes with Steve from then on have him significantly mellowed out. Still egotistical and a bit of a dick, but no longer antagonistic, much nicer to Eli, and actually straight up helpful against any serious threat.

The series ends with him and Eli fully in on the secret, and declared some of the new major protectors of Arcadia, since Jim has to leave for Other Reasons.

But Steve's development doesn't stop there! The next series in the franchise: 3Below, shows what's happened now that Steve has worked out some of his issues and now that his "rival" characters aren't around. He's actually pretty alright, becomes even better throughout the course of the series, and starts dating the main character of that one.

Basically, he figured out that the people he's been a massive dick to have a whole scary double life and are genuinely trying to help, and he calms down. He proceeds to work out his emotional issues and help with the actual deep shit until he becomes a straight up cool dude (with an attitude and an ego, but a cool dude). There's even an episode that has a 3rd of it dedicated to him working through his Daddy Issues and connecting to one of the best adult role models in his life. Sounds like a Chloe template to me!

Ya know what fantastic energy!!

This was kinda where Chloé had started going in Season 2 tbh. She decided to help Ladybug in any way she could, for example: redirecting Style Queen so she was less of a hazard and informing LB about gathered information.

[thestobingirlie]

To me, episode 1 Eddie is a very different character to Eddie in the rest of season 4. It almost feels like that they started writing two different characters, then realized they didn't need two characters and smashed them together instead of properly rewriting it into one character.

In ep1 Eddie is an asshole. He's rude, he's mean. The only person he's not a dick to in that episode is Chrissy. The whole talk he did on the lunch table, criticizing anyone who enjoys any part of what he calls 'conformity', even people that may be outcasts in general, like he criticized people in band, or people that like science. Two groups of people that often aren't exactly popular in high school, and often experience bullying. He was a dick to Lucas by not cancelling. He was an asshole to Dustin and Mike because they asked to postpone the campaign for Lucas. He was an asshole to Erica because she was a younger girl who was interested in playing dnd. (Tbh, in ep1, Eddie felt a little racist to me. Because the two characters he was the biggest asshole to were the two main black characters in the show. Maybe it's not the massive outward racism, but it felt like he let a racial bias influence his actions. Almost like how in S2 for Halloween Mike expected Lucas to be the black character from Ghostbusters.)

But in the rest of the season he's written as this good, sweet guy who could do no wrong. As if there's no valid way he could be a suspect, and that everyone is out to get him because they don't like him. That he is constantly being wronged, and targeted for no reason. Or that he's mirroring Steve's role with the kids.

And I like Eddie, so this isn't written as a criticism of the character, it's a criticism of the writing.

yeah i totally agree. i think it’s because they wanted the bonding element of steve&dustin, but they also needed him and dustin super close right off the bat so that dustin would look for him, and it just kinda came out clunky.

it made eddie’s consistent characterisation non-existent. and just made me… not really care about eddie&dustin.

i think it’s also because they wanted to show eddie at odds with the rest of the school, they needed to show why the town would be so willing to accept him as a murderer. but then they also wanted him to be a total victim, and again, the two things just clashed.

it’s pretty sad, because i found eddie in the frist episode pretty interesting. or at least an interesting addition to the cast. but then the duffers kinda just made him into a steve 2.0 so we’d be sad when he died and… i don’t know. i guess i just struggled to connect with his character like that.

[macaroni-and-antifreeze]

sorry gang i'm on a writing roll so here is

Ash's Thoughts About Every Winner + A Bonus

Wife, this is your warning. Do not look under the cut. You will be spoiled for literally the entire series.

Also I do briefly mention self-harm towards the end so if that is a trigger for you, I would recommend either scrolling or not reading the massive paragraph at the end.

Dr. Will (BB2) - There's a reason he's an iconic winner. He's a bit of an asshole but he's a lovable asshole, much like my dad.

Lisa (BB3) - Now, do I think a bitter jury contributed to this win? Yes. Is this win still deserved? Yes. She was a strong player in her own right and I'm still happy she won.

Jun (BB4) - One of my favorite winners. Basically invented the floater strategy that other houseguests try and fail to replicate to this day.

Drew (BB5) - Honestly, I have not dived very far into this mid-stage of the old seasons but I guess he's okay.

Maggie (BB6) - Not a big fan of her, tbh.

Mike Boogie (BB7) - There's a lot of shit that happened outside of the game that sours my opinion of him.

Evil Dick (BB8) - Ok, listen. He's a character I can say that much. But, there was a lot of production protection around his win. I don't think he would've gotten as far without America's Player.

Adam (BB9) - I haven't watched BB9, and I probably won't.

Dan (BB10) - What can I say about Dan that hasn't already been said? He is a BB legend and probably the best winner.

Jordan (BB11) - Yeahhhh, no.

Hayden (BB12) - I have conflicting thoughts about Hayden. Is he kinda responsible for Derrick? Yes. Is he entertaining to watch? Yes.

Rachel (BB13) - Ok I gotta admit, I'm not the biggest fan of her in 13, love her in 12 though.

Ian (BB14) - Ian is my favorite, if you have anything negative to say about him fuckin leave.

Andy (BB15) - I refuse to watch BB15.

Derrick (BB16) - See my future "Derrick Levasseur Ruined Big Brother & I Don't Respect Him As A Person" longpost.

Steve (BB17) - I am extremely biased towards Steve. BB17 was the first season I watched and the first to make me fall in love with Big Brother. If you asked my dad, he would say Vanessa was robbed. And I kind of agree, but also don't. We didn't have good enough internet for the feeds at the time so there's a lot of shit we missed.

Nicole (BB18) - I hate Nicole Franzel. I am tired of seeing and hearing her and I do not care if she lives or dies.

Josh (BB19) - 19 was a garbage dump as a season which makes it only fair to get a garbage dump of a winner. Only Kevin winning would satisfy me because he was the only bright spot in this hellhole of a season.

Kaycee (BB20) - Honestly, I don't give a rat's ass about this season. I was on Discord most of the summer so I didn't get to connect with a lot of the players.

Jackson (BB21) - Why do we award racists? I only watched the first half of the season because I was so angry.

Cody (BB22) - The only good thing he did was evict Nicole. This season made me stop watching until midway through BB24 because all of the Pre-Derrick players were evicted for trying to, yknow, play the fucking game how it was meant to be played. So tired of white boys.

Xander (BB23) - I have not gone back & watched BB23 in its entirety due to certain events in my life happening at that time because I fear it may trigger me and ruin my excitement for Big Brother.

Taylor (BB24) - It's what she deserves. She is 2 in my top 3 favorite winners, those being Ian, Taylor, and Lisa.

Jag (BB25) - I don't think you should win if you were evicted, but that's my opinion.

And finally, our bonus player:

Paul (BB18 & 19) - I have incredibly mixed feelings on Paul. When they played in 18, I thought they were the greatest person on Earth. They were cool and funny and had awesome style. And to an autistic middle schooler who couldn't keep up with the changing tides of the social hierarchy, they meant a lot to me because we were already very similar. So I mirrored them. I mirrored them HARD. They were everything I wanted to be as a person. Instead of being the kid who got bullied all the time, I could be cool. To this day, Paul is a really special houseguest to me because they provided an escape from the newly developing self-hatred and urge to harm myself. I'm older and healthier now, so I don't value my worth against people but they were a bright spot in a dark time in my life.

Then BB19 came along. And I felt betrayed.

Why was the person I looked up to suddenly acting like the very thing I was escaping from? It genuinely hurt a lot. And because of those feelings that still linger today, I still feel like that 12 year old "girl" who didn't know what was wrong with them whenever I see clips of Paul on BB19.

Thank you for your time. See yall on Thursday.

[kurokoros]

I know you wanted bitchy ST anons yesterday but your recent St/ncy reblog kinda inspired me, I hope that's okay.

Idk the thing about St/ncy that irritates me the most is that those who ship it blame the end of that relationship on Steve. And now that he has changed, it's fine and dandy. First of all Nancy isn't a price but also why is Steve the one to change and not her, when she was the reason why it didn't work in the first place? Like you said even in s1, we could see her actively pining after Jonathan while being with Steve. He was always the second choice to her, she even admits that to Jonathan in s2. St/ncy shippers want Steve to be happy, then why do you ship him with the girl who cheated on him? Just because he still has feelings for her doesn't mean she would be good for him.

Also the whole Steve being a bad boyfriend is simply not true, idc how hard the Duffers want to promote this point. People say Steve never listened to Nancy and didn't take her trauma seriously, but when they come with "proof" it's the scene where he says no to her trying to break the NDA. How is he dismissive by trying to keep her safe? In general Steve dismissing crazy ideas in the show isn't him being an ass or him not caring for that person, it's the opposite because those ideas would backfire in the real world. Like in s4 people really said see Steve is against Nancy's plan again, that means he's horrible to her. Imo Nancy (and the majority of the party) need someone who keeps them in check and not blindly following every move they make (aka Jonathan/J/ncy). [But Nancy doesn't really want that because she hates being challenged] Or Steve saying to Nancy her vision isn't real that Vecna wanted to scare her, people say he was so heartless while I interpreted it as him trying to reassure her that it wasn't real, that Vecna scared Max the same way, but I digress.

Back to s2 when he was a bit annoyed with them going to the Hollands, which was used as further proof to say he was the worst. Imagine sitting across the parents of the girl who is missing, but you know she died in your pool? And that for every week for a year. If Nancy's allowed to have trauma, why can't Steve? Also he's emotionally intelligent, he knows how hard it is for both Nancy and Barb's parents. Trying to make it better, by making like jokes at the dinner or telling Nancy it's not good and they might stop isn't him dismissing Nancy. Plus in the end, he was going with her regardless. Steve was the only one really trying in that relationship, while Nancy was eying Jonathan for a year.

Also tbh we know she blamed herself and Steve for Barb's death, if that topic would come up she would definitely let him know that, if not directly than more subconsciously. Steve isn't stupid and tbh if I were to discuss my trauma from facing a literal monster with my girlfriend while she also blames me vor the death of her bff, I would too pretend everything is fine. That's why he wasn't as phased by her accusation about Barb because he knew it somehow. Like Nancy isn't a sensitive person when she dislikes or has problems with something/someone she let's that person know somehow.

To sum it up, Stancy never worked from the beginning because Nancy never loved Steve and only stayed with him because it was a safe choice and she didn't want to be alone while waiting for the guy she actually wanted. It will never work too because Nancy would have to actively choose Steve first, which was never the case and I honestly don't see her do it in the future.

Oh boy! I'm always up for bitchy anons!

St/ncy as a ship is very weird to me, because I'm not sure who exactly is shipping it. Because the Nancy stans don't seem to like Steve and think he was the reason their relationship fell apart, and I don't know why Steve stans would want him to get back together with the ex who cheated on him with the guy he thought she cheated on him with a year prior (and boy it sure is ironic that Steve's biggest asshole moment in S1 is a result of him thinking Nancy cheated on him with Jonathan, only to have her actually cheat on him with Jonathan in S2). Is st/ncy just the het equivalent of st/ddie and harrin/rove where it makes zero sense canonically but people want the hot (white) characters to kiss? Who is st/ncy for?

Steve being a bad boyfriend has no basis in canon aside from Steve calling himself a bad boyfriend and Nancy not saying anything to disagree. As far as we know, Steve drives Nancy to school. Goes with her to visit Barb's parents for dinner every week. And I can only assume they actually talked about things between seasons. As for Steve not being supportive, I, frankly, think less people should be supportive of Nancy's poorly thought out plans. Like, in S2 I hate the j/ncy plotline because it never should have worked. Owens should have found the recorder, and, if they weren't wrapped up in plot armor, Nancy and Jonathan probably should have been found dead after a fabricated car accident or something. S2 Steve isn't unsupportive of Nancy's asperations, he's unsupportive of her half-baker revenge fantasies that could get people killed.

As for Steve being annoyed about visiting the Hollands... I'm actually on his side in that instance, based on personal experience. When I was a senior in high school, a girl in the grade below me (who I didn't know personally, but did know of) was unexpectedly killed in a car accident. The next day after the news broke, there were a lot of people mourning, and it was an extremely awkward situation to be on the outside of. Because I didn't know her, but I was surrounded by people who did, who were upset, and as empathetic as people try to be, there's still a massive degree of separation between you and people grieving someone you didn't know. In ST, Steve didn't really know Barb. He didn't know Barb's parents prior to her death. So once every week he goes to have dinner with his girlfriend and his girlfriend's dead best friend's parents, and he's the only one not grieving, or maybe he thinks he doesn't have a right to grieve. It's not a fun position to be in. It's not a position anyone wants to be in.

And it's probably an argument Steve and Nancy had a few times. Like, Nancy says Steve doesn't have to go with, but if he doesn't is that something she holds against him? idk there are factors there that it would have been really cool to see the show play around with via flashbacks to the gap year.

Anyway! I fully agree that st/ncy has never worked as a functional couple, and bringing it back romantically in S4 never should have happened unless it was to actually make the two of them talk about what happened in S2 (or to have the Upside Down being stuck in 1983 have a meaning).

[evansbby]

I’m on a rewatch and I feel like ari from wg is lowkey nathan scott pre-haley coded?? Especially with the whole being great at basketball thing and also being so cocky about it. Like he is such a condescending jerk lmao. Also aris biggest rival? steve who is blonde and good at 🏀 . Nathan’s biggest rival? Lucas who is BLONDE who is also very good.

You mention Ari’s strong stature frequently and nathan is (obvs not as much as Ari) also built deliciously.

Now I am worried because their common denominator is that they’re both assholes…do i naturally like jerks helppppp

I love him ugh

I love when people say this bc when I started writing wicked games, I was rewatched one tree hill and that show was the main inspiration behind this fic! I just wanted to capture that basketball rivalry vibe!

Ari and Nathan do have their similarities except Ari is like… exponentially worse 💀 and honestly Steve and Lucas have similarities too except Steve ain’t annoying like Lucas 💀 I think Steve is a mix of Nathan and Lucas tbh!

And don’t worry bestie, I love jerks too! They’re just so fun and delicious to read and write about!

[cloudbells]

Okay....tbh....possible long post, possible temp post. Rmablings that don't make sense the longer it goes on lol.

When it comes to being a pro-Steve, anti-Accords, Tony lover, stony OTP, I feel like I'm often put in a weird spot. Like, if people were ao3 fics and those were my tags, there would nawt be many people available to meet by the time you finished filtering.

People who are pro Steve and also anti-Accords usually aren't stony shippers and likely couldn't give a fuck about Tony (or outright hate him and I'm too weak to handle Tony bashing #sawry), or they completely left the fandom - People who are Tony loving, Stony OTPers are a usually a miss the second we start talking about Steve - People who are anti-Accords Stony shippers have left the fandom in droves and/or started writing for a different Steve ship and people who are anti-Accords, Tony lovers are literal unicorns or they hate Steve anyways. And there are even more combinations that I'm not gonna mention right now. Too many.

I'm not even saying I've never ran into anyone that has the same "tags" as me. That would be a lie since I frequently speak with.....about two others.

But my grievance is that there isn't more? I think. I actually don't know my point, I'm just venting.

I guess - Like, you'll see my in a lot of stony spaces but I don't really particpate or interact with others because of the whole....Steve thing (and slight tangent - the Tony thing too because I've come to the realization that my view and characterization of Tony doesn't align as well with a lot of people and maybe it's the canon bootlicker in me giving me a different or extra perpspective but omg?). You won't find me in spaces dedicated to hating Tony even if they are super pro-Steve, anti-Accords because I actually, wholeheartedly love Tony a lot lol. I think he's wrong to do what he does often, but that's why I'm great at looking into his character and making excuses for him if I'm prompted to do so by people who hate Tony.

And I just feel like so many amazing fandom contributers were pushed out the fandom and got so exhausted (after CACW mainly) and it makes me sad lol. It also makes me how much more of an asshole I would be if I were around when CACW. Cause I've said this before, but I came out of that movie as a Steve stan. I liked him before, but that movie soldified it for me, so imagine the whiplash I got when everyone aparently thought he was evil or something. I think I'd be the biggest B.I.T.C.H around actually if I was a Steve fan and a Stony shipper during that time. God's strongest soldiers.

Also this is not a "woe is me, I fit nowhere in fandom" post because one, I don't believe that and two, I don't aim to get too close to fandom anyways. I'm just venting because I do feel awkward at times. It's the main reason I don't give Tony metas out anymore. I have so many thoughts about him, but my position as a Stony shipper is awkward to me.

I have more to say, but I'm not the best at detangling my thoughts and making something coherent out of them, so I'll leave this here! <3 Thanks for reading if you got this far.

[lumaxramblings]

In relation to this post, can you elaborate on why you think they massacred steve?

i'm not the best when it comes to steve, mainly bc i'm not his biggest fan tbh, but like . its almost like they were trying to make up with the loss of hopper being in the season by making steve an indiana jones-like character (which is the kind of aura hopper gives let's not lie) and it just. does Not mesh well w his character

also the show fucked up w the "show don't tell" when it came to some of the characters. they have two extremes: either they show it TOO subtly for audiences to pick up (dustin, jonathan), or they just. outright tell us. "look steve's not an asshole! nancy's not a priss!" like we KNOW, we've KNOWN these characters for four seasons like holy SHIT.

also. the steve i know, the steve who literally IS CANONICALLY OVER NANCY IN SEASON 3, would not tell her he's dreamed of her having six kids with him. even if he did still have feelings for her he wouldn't have told her that??? like it's just common courtesy not to make a move on your ex when she's in a long-term relationship with someone else, and ESPECIALLY not in that way. like if they really wanted to push it (which. no. stancy is regression for both their characters post season two) then they should've have him be more respectful towards her and NOT tell her that????... like the fact that its back at all is cringe but like. ugh. fucking hell i hope you get what i mean

what SHOULD'VE happened in s4 is nancy and steve BECOMING FRIENDS. like i would've KILLED to see that!!!! steve helping her when it comes to fred's death!!! steve finally apologizing for not really caring when barb disappeared because he thought friends left all the time, but now he has robin, he can't ever imagine losing her so he know gets how she feels!!!!!!!!! WE COULDVE HAD IT ALL....

oops this got longer than i thought it would. sorry man<//3

[hope-drunk]

- i want you | s. harrington

| you get stuck with steve to do a task, you and him don’t have the greatest history.

| content warning: angstangstangst, but then very sweet at the end. mentions of bullying but not hardcore bullying steve’s just a dick, mild swearing, not really proofread tbh

steve harrington was an asshole. that’s just a fact. you met steve in your biology class, reluctantly being lab partners. he gave you the nickname ‘mouse’. shoving the work towards you with a, “here you go, mousy.” and a snicker. he wouldn’t lift a goddamn finger. you honestly have no idea how he passed the class.

so when you somehow got recruited into a group who saves hawkins 24/7, you were quite surprised to see steve there. watching the kids, fighting off monsters. he didn’t seem the type to ever give a shit about any of this. you would think he’d be getting drunk, not caring what was gonna happen. it was a curveball to see him, none of the people in the group really made sense honestly, nancy wheeler? robin buckley? but steve harrington? that was the biggest surprise of them all.

“hey mouse, can you come help me with this?” steve snaps you out of your thoughts. “yeah, coming.” steve takes you out to skull rock to cover up the footprints you all left there, you guys didn’t want jason and his band of boys to be able to find where you went. so here you were. dragging your feet in dirt with steve “the hair” harrington.

it was quiet for the first few minutes, only the sound of feet on the ground. breaking the silence, steve says, “so, uh, how’s biology going for you?” you let out a noise that’s somewhere between a scoff and a laugh. “i don’t use it much these days.” you quip, still zig-zagging your walk. steve lets out a little right, right, yeah, and goes back to silence.

“you got any, like, plans after all this is over?” he asks, he stops walking and looks at you. you stop as well, puzzled by his sudden interest in conversation. “look we really, i mean, really, don’t have to do this whole talking thing.” you start back on your path turning away from him. “yeah i mean i know we don’t have to but, i just wanted to talk to you, i feel like we never talk, y’know?” he says while starting up his walk again, albeit a lot slower.

“you certainly didn’t care to talk to me during biology.” you say, a mumble, but loud enough to get the point across. steve’s quiet for a while, lips pursed in thought.

“listen, i know i was a dick back then, okay? i had this idea of who i was supposed to be, but that’s not me anymore. i honestly always thought you were really cool. i just, didn’t know how to talk to you.”

“you didn’t know how to talk to me because it would ruin your image.” you point out. steve quietly lets out a yeah.

“and i’m sorry about that! i really am. really, i wish i got to know you back then. but i- i wanna get to know you now!” he says, hands on his hips, head low. “why now? because the world’s ending? and you don’t wanna leave any stones unturned?” you snap back at him. you’ve both stopped walking now. you actually look like you’re about to fight. standing across from each other, pacing. troubled looks plaster both of your faces. 

“i wanna get to know you, because i like you, okay? because you’re funny, and you’re kind, and fuck you’re gorgeous. and you’ve always been these things! always! i was just too much of an asshole to care, or notice. i shoved the work at you, i never spoke, i didn’t want to embarrass myself in front of you! you’re so fucking smart, and gentle. and i didn’t know how to approach my feelings towards you. so i was a douchebag. and if you can’t forgive me, i get it. but i’d really like you to forgive me, please.”  he’s pacing, faster now. throwing his hands around, they fall on his hips occasionally. 

that’s all you can focus on while he’s giving his confession, honestly. how expressive he is. how much he uses his hands and arms to get his point across. how he’ll drag them over his face. how many times he fixes his hair. and you realize at this point, that maybe you don’t hate steve harrington like you thought you did. maybe people can change, maybe he’s telling the truth. 

“you, like me? and have? since biology?” you trail off, pulling your bottom lip into your teeth nervously. ready for him to start laughing in your face, waiting for the big prank, waiting for everyone to jump out, and make fun of your eagerness.

“yes, mouse. i really like you.” he says, coming closer to you. he puts his hand on your right cheek, runs his thumb right below your lips. “okay.” you whisper, scanning his face all over. his brown eyes bore into yours, and he lets out a small laugh.

“okay? that’s all you have to say?” he’s smiling at you, teasing you, but not in the way he used to. “well, i don’t have a way with words like you do, steve. but i forgive you. and... once this is over, i’d like to get to know you better too.” you’re smiling into his hand.

you and steve finish your task of covering the trail, bashing shoulders playfully while you walk. when you get back to the others, you can hear robin mutter, “fucking finally.”

[kinktae]

beyond the story: bitchin’

Hi friends! I hope you are all staying safe and healthy during these tough times! I really wanted to put something out there as a thank you to just how much support Bitchin’ got. You guys really are incredible. So, although this story has come to an end, I wanted to properly close the Bitchin’ chapter by giving you all a behind the scenes look at Bitchin’ and everything that went into writing it. This includes hidden easter eggs, backstories, alternative plot-lines, and a short drabble of the Bitchin’ cast 10 years after the story’s end.

Without further ado, please enjoy and thank you again for all your love. You have all of mine.

CHAPTER ONE – PARTNERS

Ah, yes, the start of this whole wild ride. I’ve always loved the whole nerd/popular person trope in fanfics, so it was only a matter of time before I tried my hand at it too. One thing I was adamant about was not making this a “popular person turns nerd hot/confident/better” fic as its kind of one of my least favorite cliches. With that in mind, and knowing that I was going to allude to TATBILB’s contract, I decided that I wanted Y/N to gain as much from the deal as Jungkook did. No blackmail, no just agreeing for the hell of it – Y/N was going to further herself and her dreams given the opportunity.

The beginning of the chapter is where the two are most separated and dissimilar throughout the whole story. It wasn’t that they were fundamentally different, it was that they approached life differently. Y/N was frustrated at how superficial Jungkook seemed, because she believes there is much more to life than just kicking your feet up and cracking jokes.

On the other hand, Jungkook didn’t understand why Y/N was so tense and on guard. To him, life was meant to enjoy and not take so seriously. Which makes sense, given that he grew up with minimal rules and minimal worries (bare minimum partners wassup !) 

“So, do we have a deal? Partners?” There was mischievous timber to his words, the kind that made you feel as if this would all later come back to bite you in the ass.

Pushing that pestering thought away, you took his hand into yours, holding his eyes as you gave it a firm shake.

“Partners.”

God, this bit. I knew from the minute I wrote it that I was writing the ending of bitchin’ along with it. I knew this was exactly how I was going to end this story, bc the word partners has multiple means right? In chapter 1, this meant business partners, but in the final chapter… it means life partners. Idk, I’m just still really happy with this writing decision :D

CHAPTER TWO – THE CONTRACT

Dearest Yara. We meet her in chapter two don’t we? Yara is completely based off of my irl best friend Yara who is a writer and who helped me A LOT with this story. She was my biggest supporter throughout figuring out this crazy plot. It was initially only about seven parts, but with her help I managed to bump it up to 10! Everybody say thank you Yaraaaa.

You were angry, that much was evident to her. Yara was sat in your shared dorm’s living room, a thick blanket engulfing her small frame. You briefly glanced towards the TV, it was tuned into MTV, the familiar music video of Every Breath You Take by The Police playing, before directing your glare back onto the copper-haired girl.

The song reference is a direct allusion to writer Yara’s fic, which is one of my favorite fics by her. She was actively writing it around the start of our friendship so it only felt right to pay respects to her. The introduction of her character felt necessary imo bc I wanted to make sure Y/N had a life outside Jungkook. Plus, I got to use the scenes between the two girls as a way to reference the music and culture scene. Yara is especially a fan of the powerful women in the music industry at the time, i.e., Madonna, Annie Lennox, Cyndi Laupner, etc.) Yara is a raging feminist and believer in sexual freedom and libery for women, we do in fact have to stan.

“How old do you think your sister is?”

“Hey, don’t sass me. For your information, Lyanna still has all her Care Bear tapes. She threw a hissy fit when my mom tried to give them away last Christmas.” Yara recalled.

Lyanna is one of writer Yara’s past pseudonyms. She always used to joke about how whenever she read it, it was confusing because there was Y/N, Yara and Lyanna, which were technically all her lolol.

FUNNY STORY ABOUT THE CONTRACT I INSERTED INTO THIS PICTURE… Twitter found it and made it into somewhat of a meme because no one knew it came from a fic rip. I was actually rly embarrassed and even wrote some posts about how much twitter scared me on my blog LMAO. but THEN weirdly enough, I actually stumbled upon a small community on twitter who actually found my fic and would TWEET ABOUT IT!!! LIKE REACTIONS TO EACH UPDATE!!! I wish I could go back in time and remember how giddy I was the first time I found a tweet about my fic. The fanfic community on twitter gave me a new love for the site (which I had previously had removed myself from because of its toxicity) and I have met so many wonderful people because of it. People even made themselves a little twitter group chat to talk about my fics, and now we are all friends! I miss posting a chapter of bitchin’ and refreshing my twitter feed as all my mutuals would post memes and live tweet their reactions. God that made me so fucking happy.

CHAPTER THREE – THE ROLLERSKATING DATE

I love the bickering in this chapter, because unlike the bickering in the first chapter, it’s actually less hostile and more playful. Y/N is slowly letting her guard down to the very persistently charming Jungkook.

“Woah. Family of six, huh? So you have siblings then.” He noted.

“Yep. Three.”

“Tell me about them.”

Looking up from where you were slipping on your second skate, you met Jungkook’s eyes, surprised to see genuine interest in them.

I actually originally had Y/N brush him off here. I was going to wait until the drunk party scene for Y/N to open up about her family and relationship with her sisters. But then I kind of thought to myself… Why? Y/N made peace with it and doesn’t hold onto those insecurities anymore. And objectively, Jungkook hasn’t proven himself to be a bad person so… I let Y/N open herself up to him.

“Then there’s the twins, Rosa and Lia.”

“Hold on. Twins? Wait… did they go to our high school?” Jungkook asked, his interest in this conversation doubled.

“Yep. They were two grades above us.” You confirmed.

“Oh shit, yeah, I remember your sisters, they were mad hot.” Jungkook let out a low whistle, before stiffening, flashing you an apologetic look. “Uh, in a totally non-meathead way.”

You offered the scared-looking boy a small smile, shaking your head.

Some of y’all notice but, Rosa and Lia are a blatant homage to my name: Roselia. ACTUALLY some form of my name can be found in every one of the rewind series fics, including upcoming ones. I’ll give a cookie to whoever can find every single mention hehe.

“I told you it was dumb.” You laughed nervously.

It wasn’t that you cared much about what Jungkook thought but you had a feeling a guy like him, who was popular and carefree, wouldn’t be able to sympathize in the way you would like him to.

“No, I’m just… surprised, that’s all.”

Jungkook certainly was surprised. You had built up quite the impression on him from the very moment you two met. It was hard to imagine that the girl who was so unapologetically herself was ever unsure or insecure.

Somehow, the idea tugged at his heart, as if he understood you more if only just a little.

From the get go, Jungkook was extremely drawn to just how confident and secure Y/N was in herself. I knew I wanted Y/N to be unapologetically sure of herself and in her abilities. Something I didn’t want, however, was for frat boy!jungkook’s only personality traits to be liking sex and being a cocky bastard (although I am a big consumer of that trope heh). Jungkook is actually canonly incredibly insecure. He lacks a real sense of self, which is why he is so desperate for Kiri back. His relationship with Kiri at that time was a big part of what he thought was himself. He has somewhat of low self esteem tbh which is why he’ll go back to a woman who treated him unfairly. That’s why he comes off the way he does in the first chapter and why Y/N thinks he has a big ego... he’s overcompensating. He finds it so endlessly fascinating that Y/N, in all her confident glory, was actually once super insecure. He admires her all the more once she opens up about her past.

“Oh, Rosa is an intern for our hometown’s newspaper but between you and me those assholes don’t even let her write. She does coffee and burger runs for men in charge. And Lia sells ice cream at the mall.”

“What about your brother?” Jungkook asked.

“He’s training to be a cop just like my dad.”

“And your mom?”

“She works at a convenience store.”

All their careers resemble people in the latest Stranger Things season (Nancy, Steve, Hopper, and Joyce). Fun Cameo there.

“What’s wrong?” You wondered, following his eyes.

“October 16th, 1985. 6:48PM.”

“Yes. That’s today’s date and time. What about it?” You pressed, growing confused.

“Remember it.” He warned.

“Why?”

“It’s when I fell in love with you.”

This iconic line I actually got from the real Jeon Jungkook himself. While Jungkook wasn’t actually in love with Y/N here, it certainly was a cute way for him to express his admiration for her.

OH HERE’S A FUN FACT: the hickey scene at the end of this chapter where JK and Y/N kiss for the first time was actually supposed to be Yara giving Y/N the hickey like the best friend she is. Ultimately I went with JK giving it for... smut purposes... ≖‿≖ 

CHAPTER FOUR – THE HALLOWEEN PARTY

The decision for Y/N to be Freddie Krueger came from me planning to be him for Halloween. And I was! JK as Glen Lantz just followed naturally. I’ve seen some great edits of him as the character. Truly chef’s kiss.

I really liked that Jungkook came over to the girl’s dorm to get ready. I didn’t want a scene where Y/N was thrown into a situation she was uncomfortable with which is how much Nerd At A Party Scene go so made sure Jungkook stayed by her side throughout the part, going out of his way to introducing her to the people he cared about.

Tae’s character came in when I realized I needed a way to actually put Y/N’s event in motion. He was the missing link and BOY did you guys eat his character right up huh. Love that for me.

Another thing, the confrontation with Kiri was so hard to write guys, I reeaaaally struggle with girl conflict. GIRLS SHOULD SUPPORT GIRLS. However, not everyone gets along in real life so I went with Kiri being more along the lines of petty rather than outwardly a cunt to Y/N. Realistically, Kiri is popular and well liked among the greek life so being unkind to someone she hardly knows wouldn’t make sense. There’s definitely tension between these two but I tried my best to steer away from the typical cat fight/revenge porn/public humiliation trope most movies seem to follow.

CHAPTER FIVE – THE FIRST TIME

Introduction to Erik!!!! It was really important to me that Y/N had a life before Jungkook. That's why I wrote in Y/N having a fiancé. She’s not opposed to love, she just has reshifted her focus. She knows what she wants and is choosing to focus on that, which why when she realizes she’s falling for Kookie she’s so hesitant to admit it because she’s fallen down that road before. Even though Jungkook treats her with respect and acknowledges the parts of her she’s most proud of, she just isn’t willing to possibly give up her passions for love. Which is why she doesn’t immediately confess to him, even once she’s sure she loves him.

“I’m serious, nerd. You’re like… um… the sun!” Jungkook marveled, eyes growing full as the realization dawned on him.

“The sun?” You laughed.

“Yeah, like… you’re this bright, beautiful thing that seems like it’s here in front of me but is really light-years away.”

Jungkook was drunk, and although you were sure he was making more sense in his head, you couldn’t help but feel your face grow hot, unsure of how to react to his drunk analogy.

“You’re the sun, Y/N. You make the world turn for you. Never orbit for anyone else.”

And suddenly, you were kissing him, for no other reason other than you wanted to and that it felt like the right thing to do.

No real commentary here. Just love this bit. It’s probably my favorite interaction between them two ‧⁺◟( ᵒ̴̶̷̥́ ·̫ ᵒ̴̶̷̣̥̀ ) 

“Also… She’s, uh, currently dating Eunwoo.” You told Yara.

Your best friend blinked, silence falling over her.

“Yara?”

“Good for her.” She perked up almost forcibly. “Let her put up with his annoying ass.”

Yara could see the way your expression had turned dubious as if you didn’t believe her nonchalant act.

Yara turned up her nose defensively, “What?”

Ugh yes, some character development from Yara.... the flavor ! Yara (much like Y/N and JK) also struggles with love. She has a real fear of commitment and if far more comfortable with casual sex than relationships. She did develop actual feelings for Eunwoo, she just wasn’t ready for that kind of commitment so she cut him off. Fleed the scene if you will. Typical gemini smh my head.

"I don’t think the contract mentioned orgasms.” Jungkook smirked as you released his thumb.

“I say we let it slide.” You shrugged, leaning into him casually.

“You think?”

“Totally. Think of it as… a bonding activity.” You joked, resting your chin on his shoulder, peering up through your lashes.

“Damn, we’re really committed to this fake dating thing, huh.”

You laughed in the way that you hated, but Jungkook loved; it was loud and abrupt, but it genuine, and it was you.

“What can I say, I’m a method actor.” You sighed dramatically, causing Jungkook to grin before pressing a kiss to your nose, simply because he liked the way it always seemed to make you smile.

GOD THEY’RE SO WHIPPED FOR EACH OTHER ITS DISGUSTING!!!!!! I’m really happy I decided not to make sleeping together a big deal and I got a lot of feedback from you guys agreeing! I had a lot of fun with these two’s sex scenes knowing they could do it whenever they wanted.

CHAPTER SIX – THE STEM EVENT

I started the scene with smut BUT I wanted to point out that much of their time spent together is at Y/N dorm, Jungkook either napping, hanging out or doing work as Y/N would study like she always did. I liked the idea that Jungkook would get bored and would want attention from Y/N because she was so focused. Idk, I just wanted to write a love story about two people spending time together and figuring out how they fit in each other’s lives as opposed to some dramatic I mEeT HiM aNd mY LiFe bEcAmE cRaZy. There’s nothing wrong with that plot line, I just didn’t want that for these two dorks. I wanted Y/N to interact with JK’s scene and crowd but not give up her own which is why most days JK and her just lounged around in her dorm studying.

Also, I don’t know how the teacher/student roleplay made it into the smut, it just did, no further questions (ʃ⌣́_⌣́ƪ).

Then the event scene.

“You’re whipped, dude! Seriously.”

Jungkook felt his face go red, “Shut up, no, I’m not.”

“Hey, I’m not judging. I get it. That’s your girl.” Taehyung shrugged. Jungkook placed a hand on the fold up table in front of him, staring down at the information pamphlet you had worked so hard on.

“She’s just… so fucking driven and passionate about everything she does. Sometimes I look at her, and I’m just like… holy shit, what am I doing with a girl like her? I feel like she’s totally out of my league and being with me is holding her back but— I dunno, man. I just… really like her.” Jungkook revealed, voice growing small.

An unexpected wave of tenderness fell over the two boys, Taehyung throwing an arm over his little brother’s shoulder.

“I’m happy for you, bro.”

Jungkook didn’t know it just yet but dude was talking from the heart and, is in fact, totally whipped :’c

I loved the confrontation scene between the boys and Eunwoo because the boys standing up for Yara really did make everyone feel like a friend group, not just some character who happen to exist at the same time. It wasn’t just Y/N and Yara and one side and the boys on the other. They would all become friends, which is ideal to me. A boyfriend who likes your best friend and considers her a friend so you can all hang out??? Yes please.

Initially, irl Yara and I had noooo clue if Yara would end up with Eunwoo or not. That was actually the original goal actually. But after this chapter four, you guys made it ABUNDANTLY clear that you guys wanted to see Taeyara, despite the two never even meeting! Honestly, it wasn’t until this chapter was written that we decided for sure that Eunwoo was out of the picture for Yara. Part of me really wanted to keep Yara single, but irl Yara insisted on dick and frankly, she’s right. Bitchin’ Yara deserved a shot at love. She definitely has her own story outside of Bitchin’ and will experience a lot of growth in the future.

“God, I know. I do not miss that temper of his.” She chuckled, her words piquing your interest.

“Temper?”

“Oh, yeah. Have you seriously not experienced it yet? He’s got some gnarly anger issues. Not to mention all the lying…” Kiri paused suddenly, straightening up as she flashed you an apologetic look. “Yikes, I’m sorry. I totally should not be telling you this. I’m not trying to be that gross girl that shit talks her ex to his current girlfriend.”

Miss Kiri, Miss Kiri. She really acted up this chapter didn’t she. There was a lot of discussion about whether or not those things she said about Jungkook were true. Which was exactly what I wanted hehe. We come to find out that Kiri had definitely stretched the truth. She really is good at manipulation and understanding how people think and it’s why she is in the role that she is in. Messy queen.

CHAPTER SEVEN – THE ROOFTOP DATE

This entire chapter was inspired by High School Musical with Troy and Gabriella’s rooftop garden scenes. This was my shortest chapter and honestly, probably not my strongest. I definitely went into writing this with zero concept of what I actually wanted to happen. Usually when I write my chapters I have a 4k long outline of it beforehand that I go off of. Not this one though. I really just winged it and I tried my best to write a chapter that really showed off (dialogue wise) just how this couple bounces off each other. I do really like some of the banter they have in this chapter.

You had taken note a little wooden popsicle stick poking up from the soil of the yellow flowers. Acacias, they were marked. Pulling your knees up to your chest, you considered his words.

Yellow acacias stands the value of true friendship and can indicate a secret love! I thought that was very appropriate given these dummies' relationship.

“So, you probably know why I brought you here.”

You nodded.

“You’re proposing, right?”

“Yeah, I– oh, shut up.” He laughed, the serious mood shattering as you joined him.

Even though I knew they were going to have a semi serious talk, what with Y/N asking about what Kiri had told her, these two dufuses realistically are just too comfortable with each other to stay serious for too long.

“Hey, I said that out of frustration, I didn’t really mean it. I’m sure she’ll come crawling back soon.” You attempted to comfort him, hoping to sound sincere.

“Even if that’s true, I’m not entirely sure I want that anymore.”

“What?” You blinked. Jungkook shrugged.

“What about us?” He met your eyes, causing your breath to hitch.

“What about us?”

Jungkook stared at you for a moment, noting the way the timber in your voice had become higher pitched as if panicked.

MORE FUN FACTS LMFAO: I typically do this thing with unplanned chapters where I just go for it and write and usually it works out. But when I wrote this down I remember stopping and being like ??? WHY DID I JUST WRITE THAT ??? I don’t like deleting my writing so I had a serious think to myself about whether this was going to be the moment Jungkook confessed or not.

Canonly, I decided that Jungkook did in fact mean ‘us’ in a romantic sense, but because of the way you perceivably panicked at that possible meaning, he decided against taking the conversation in that direction, instead speaking about ‘us’ in a platonic sense. Poor kookie :(

“Stop. Listen to me, Jungkook, you’re a fucking great guy, okay? You’re charismatic and funny and care about your friends… sure, you almost ruined my event, but it was mostly to defend my best friend when Eunwoo got too pushy, right? You’re a good guy, meathead. I know I joke about your ego, but I really believe you’re capable of more than you think you are. Seriously, Kiri is so lucky to be the object of your affection.”

Jungkook watched the way the sun’s orange light kissed your face, a bittersweet feeling growing in his chest as he contemplated the object of his affection. Just a couple of months ago, he would have had no doubt about who held his heart, but as you held his stare, he found himself unsure and yet, entirely sure all the same.

“Jungkook? You okay?” You frowned, catching in the sadness in his eyes.

“Hm? Yeah, yeah. I just… realized something.”

“Oh? What’s that?”

“…It doesn’t matter.” He smiled, the gesture hardly reaching his eyes.

It’s in this moment that Jungkook decides that there is no way you hold the same affection towards him that he does to you. He mistakes your words of comfort as you pushing him away. You are so kind and encouraging and Jungkook loves you so much that hearing you insist about him ending back up with Kiri hurts him so bad.

But you are still unsure about your feelings and genuinely believe that's still what Jungkook wants. You’re just being a supportive friend!! :( It isn’t until the end of this chapter when Y/N has her talk with Yara that she realizes, oh man, she’s in deep.

CHAPTER EIGHT – THE MISTAKE

BLAH. This chapter is so BLAH, you know? Having to write this chapter was SO HARD. I texted irl Yara complaining about how much I hated having to put my characters through this and that I wanted to just end the story on chapter 7 and keep them happy forever. BUT ALAS! I had planned for this to happen from the start.

You tasted like the mint of your favorite brand of toothpaste. He imagined if he had caught you any later then the mint would have been accompanied by the taste of coffee, knowing the way you rarely started a day without a cup.

God, he had missed the taste of you.

What you guys didn’t see is Jungkook spending the night with Kiri, and immediately kicking her out, freaking out as the weight of guilt washed over him. He knew he had done nothing wrong, that you weren’t his real girlfriend, and that getting back together with Kiri was exactly what he had signed up for. It was what he should’ve wanted. But it wasn't… because you were what he wanted. And that was exactly what he was going to tell you as he marched over to your apartment.

But he panicked. His mind already decided that your answer to him would be no– that you didn’t feel the same. So he kissed you. He had you in the only way he was allowed to. He was selfish and impulsive and so incredibly scared that he ended up hurting the person he loved the most.

Initially though, I had Jungkook get back together with Kiri, not that he slept with her right before sleeping with Y/N. But I decided TEEHEE let me just make everything erupt into flames. However, I didn’t realize just how angry with Jungkook you guys would get. I remember thinking DAMMIT WAS THAT TOO SCANDALOUS?? I knew I was going to have to work hard for Jungkook to redeem himself to my readers.

“She wants to get back together.” Jungkook swallowed dryly, eyes wavering between yours as if to gauge your reaction.

“…Oh.”

You shook your head.

“I mean, wow! That’s… That’s great!” You smiled, something tearing apart inside you as the words left your lips.

“Y/N–”

“Seriously! This means it worked, right? This is exactly what you wanted to happen.” You enthused, turning your head so that he couldn’t see the way your eyes had welled up.

Jungkook’s heart was pounding in his ears, fighting the urge to wrap his arms around you.

“Yeah… yeah, no, you’re right. We did it.” He replied monotonously.

GOD THIS PART IS SO UNBELIEVABLY FRUSTRATING! JUST ADMIT YOU LOVE EACH OTHER YOU MORONS! This entire situation is so convoluted because there's so much information missing and not being expressed, I seriously want to ring my own neck rereading this bit.

“Are you mad?” He called out cautiously, a heavy feeling falling onto his chest.

“Why would I be mad?” You quipped back sharply, causing Jungkook to flinch. He shifted in his seat uncomfortably.

“I just thought… I mean we’ve been fooling around a lot lately, so I didn’t know if—”

“If what? I had feelings for you?” You scoffed. “Please, as if I’d ever fall for you.”

And there it was— everything Jungkook already knew but had been so afraid to hear. Of course, you didn’t feel for him what he felt for you. How could he have expected anything different?

IDIOTS!!! THEY'RE BOTH IDIOTS!!! I don't know how y'all put up with this for so long. Forgive me.

CHAPTER NINE – THE BREAK

Okay I actually love this chapter. And for many reasons. Let me break down the three scenes for you guys.

Scene one: Kiri confrontation

Kiri is definitely an opposing antagonist. She is constantly working against Y/N because of their interests directly conflicting. BUT. I would argue that the biggest antagonist to this story is the inner ones – Y/N and Jungkook's lack of ability to admit their feelings constantly holding them both back from their happy ending. That being said, a confrontation scene between Y/N and Kiri was MUCH needed. While I suppose I can understand why Kiri doesn't like Y/N, that doesn't change the fact that she has been disrespectful and catty. So miss Y/N had to put Miss Kiri in her place (•̀ᴗ•́)

Scene two: Yara and Tae at the library

Fanservice. That is all. LMFAOOO y'all reallllyyy wanted it to happen and who am I to deny my people what they want. It was really fun getting to explore my side characters and develop them through interactions outside the two main characters. IRL Yara also mentioned giving bitchin’ Yara and Tae their own chapter as a joke and I was like LOL BET. I fully was going to but then I got the idea for the next scene and was like ahh ok maybe not the whole chapter.

Scene three: Meeting with Erik

So. This was a SUPER last minute decision. Like, it wasn’t until I was writing this chapter that I planned on Erik making an appearance. I saw a tweet with someone saying their bitchin theories and they mentioned Erik appearing out of nowhere and I was like,,, HOLD ON!!!! That could be kind of spicy ≖‿≖ 

I knew for a fact JK was NOT going to be forgiven in this chapter; I needed a way to lay the situation out between the two dorks without trying to seem like I was trying to sway my audience in a way that didn't make sense to the story. Y/N was rightfully angry. But she wasn't only angry about the timing of the sex. She was angry that Jungkook went back to Kiri at all and there was no way she was going to admit that. So who better to lay it all out than calculated, unbiased third party Erik. He deserved some character development after all.

I also liked the idea that Y/N had, in theory, “romantic options.” Losing Jungkook didn’t mean the end of her life. Having my female lead stand on her own was very important to me.

CHAPTER TEN – THE END

RIGHT OF THE BAT I needed Jungkook to suffer. So that whole scene where he tries to interact with his old group only for his presence to make everything awkward MMMM yes, sweet revenge on my part.

You were surprised. His hair was no longer shaggy and long like you remembered it. Instead, it had been freshly cut, looking healthy and neatly styled for the first time since you met Jungkook.

THE WAY SO MANY PEOPLE COMMENTED ON THIS LINE “but Y/N liked it long?!?”  IS SO FUNNNYyyyy. So let me clarify a thing. Jungkook had always wanted to cut his hair right. The only reason he didn’t was because Y/N told him not to. With Y/N no longer in the picture to convince him out of it, he cut his hair. That’s really all there is to it skfjsjf.

You know, I had written this part around the time I had just finished up the third ch believe it or not. And it was COMPLETELY different. I had it planned that Yara and Y/N ignored him throughout class and Yara had gone back after the bell rang to go verbally assault JK. And as the two hashed it out, only then was that when Jungkook would realize that he liked Y/N after Yara literally spelled it out for him.

“You like her, dumbass!” Was what I had written Yara saying. I really had written him in denial for ten chapters, I was a whole sociopath (╥﹏╥). But ultimately, I decided that Jungkook came to that conclusion on his own and the decision to apologize to Y/N would have been made over winter break.

“You said Kiri came over asking for you back, yet you still came over and slept with me the next day. Even though the two of you had sex the night before. Do you understand how that makes me feel?”

“I’m—”

“Like garbage!" You emphasized, the white paint of the door somehow irritating you further. "I felt like I was something you threw away and picked back up whenever you felt like getting your dick wet.”

Your chest was rising and falling rapidly, and you tried your hardest to not let your emotions get the best of you.

“Not to mention to everyone else, it looks like you cheated on me. Which makes me look like a fucking idiot." You scoffed.

Jungkook said nothing in reply, which somehow made it easier to say all you should have said that day in your room.

“It just sucks to realize that someone you once cared about sees you as nothing more than a toy. It fucking sucks.”

Man :( writing this hurt my heart. I really, really, love bitchin!y/n and writing her hurting freaking stinks. But she had to speak her mind. She deserves the chance to get everything off her chest with the way Jungkook hurt her.

Your heart and mind were in constant paradox, torn between wanting him back and wanting him to know just how much he had hurt you. Your mind ultimately won the battle, of course, but as Jungkook stood just a few inches of drywood apart pouring his heart out, it was hard to say which major organ was responsible for your next words.

The creak of the door being pushed open sent Jungkook's eyes wide, revealing your hesitant form. You had your arms crossed over your chest as if to guard the contents inside of it.

You looked like an angel underneath the bathroom's blue fluorescent lights, beautiful and lovely, a stark contrast from your next crushing sentence.

“I slept with Erik.”

Hehe. Ofc my girl Y/N had to have a rebound!!! She knows that life goes on. However, as I wrote in, she definitely regretted it. It was kind of the same situation that Jungkook was in where he pursued something just because it was familiar and a distraction and not because he really wanted it. Both Y/N and Jungkook are flawed characters but that’s okay! If anything, Y/N’s mistake of sleeping with Erik is what allows her to forgive Jungkook. Knowing first hand how complicated their entire relationship really was.

“I don’t need you… but I don’t think I want a life without you.” You finished shyly.

Your eyes were locked with his when suddenly a small noise escaped him, eyes pulling away from yours as his head moved to attempt to hide the way his eyes had grown wet.

I got this line from one of my best friends after her ex broke up with her. It made me physically sad and really sympathize with her so I quickly wrote it down into my notes app to save for later LMAOOOO. Knowing that you are your own person and life will inevitably go on after losing someone, but that your heart still wants and is pleading for the one person you can’t have. SO SAD. I’m happy I got to use this line in one of my fics.

The note Jungkook wrote Y/N,,, imagine him not being able to sleep one night over winter break so he just writes down everything he should have told Y/N while he still had the chance…. I’ll for real cry dude, he’s so cute. Also, the line about him buying you fluffy Halloween socks for Christmas went over people’s heads I think but HECK I THOUGHT THAT WAS SO FUNNY AND SWEET (because Y/N bought Christmas socks when it was Halloween teehee).

"Are you two dorks done crying?" Yara’s voice rang out suddenly, causing both of you to jump apart.

"Yara, you creep! Privacy, dude! Ever try knocking?" You sniffed, wiping at your face hurriedly.

"What? Like you were peeing with Jungkook in the bathroom? Please." She waved you off, walking back into the living room to give you two some privacy. She did say Jungkook had 15 minutes before she’d have to come back in after all. "Anyway, Tae will be over in 10 minutes for the Saved By The Bell marathon that’s on so you guys are more than welcomed to join." She called out from her newly seated position on the couch.

I included this scene with Yara because things were getting too serious for my liking ngl. Plus the idea that the four of them would all come together at the end for a much needed reunion made my happy bitchin heart soar.

Jungkook let out a laugh, his palm finding your cheek, eyes locked on your lips. You were preening for his kiss, mouth parting slightly as you anticipated it.

“Partners?”

The question took you by surprise, eyes widening at your not so pretend lover.

Idiot.

“Partners.” You smiled softly, eyes shiny and brimming with tears as he kissed you for what must have been the millionth time, but still somehow felt like the first.

UGH I LOVE THEM I REALLY DO. I was so happy with how this final scene came out :( They’re partners, they really are I miss these boneheads.

AND NOW, I PRESENT THE CANON FUTURE OF THE BITCHIN UNIVERSE...

10 YEARS LATER

Let’s be honest, Jungkook popped the question the day of graduation, he can’t imagine a life in which you wouldn’t be beside him

You said yes (shocker)

Cue Jungkook being the most wonderful partner and respecting your wish to finish your residency program before having the wedding

You absolutely kick ass at being a neonatal surgeon

Also, Jungkook started a film company! It’s small but he loves what he does and works with colleges and helps out the film majors with resources and equipment <3

SO IT'S THE DAY OF YOUR WEDDING RIGHT

Yara and your sisters are helping you get ready, with your best friend as the ever so reassuring maid of honor

And by that I mean you’re as calm as a cucumber and Yara is one wrong move away from having a stroke

“Y/N… Don’t freak out....The catering company put in two orders of shrimp instead of chicken and steak.”

“Yara, it’s okay.”

“NO ITS NOT???? THIS IS YOUR WEDDING DAY AND YOU’RE GETTING CRUSTACEANS.”

Y/N making Yara take a seat and practice some breathing exercises so she doesn’t upset the baby

Oh yeah, Yara is 10 weeks pregnant

Taehyung is the dad lol

Yara and Taehyung have been together ever since that day at the library hehe <3

They moved in together and adopted a cat and everything (sweet boy Tae wanted a dog but Yara’s afraid of dogs and Tae would do anything for that woman so Yeontan the cat it is)

Yara refuses to put a label on their relationship even after all this time, and Tae doesn’t ask for one. They’re happy and dedicated to each other and don’t feel the need to put pressure on something that’s already so perfect

Yara is actually violently in love with Tae but still scoffs when Y/N tries to bring it up

“Oh my god, you’re so in love with him”

“Huh??? you must be sick or something. Get well soon, damn :/”

Yara likes to come up with different labels for Taehyung every time she has to introduce him. Among her favorites are roommate, rent sharer, baby daddy and penis lender

Speaking of Taehyung, he’d have a hand on Jungkook’s shoulder as he tries to calm down the panicking groom to be

“JK, breathe.”

“What if she doesn’t show up? What if she doesn’t want to marry me? What if I pressured her into this and— and I’ve freaked her out and now she hates me?”

“Dude, you guys have been engaged for eight years. She’s had her opportunity to run. She’ll show up.”

Taehyung scruffing up the younger man’s hair reassuringly, which only flusters him more because DAMMIT he wants to look perfect for you and now his hair is messed up >:(

(You like him no matter what his hair looks like though)

Jungkook literally swallowing down a sob as you walk down the aisle and he lays his eyes on you for the first time

You having a dumb smile on your face the entire walk over because your husband to be is crying and you haven’t even exchanged vows yet

The entire audience going all sobby when you finally do exchange vows because they’re so beautiful and real

The ten years together has not been easy— from financial struggles as you tried to support yourself through med school, to personal conflicts when Jungkook wanted to start a family already

But you guys figured it out

You always do

He’s your person. And you are his.

Y/N’s sisters Rosa and Lia are a WRECK— even your dad is tearing up

Your family loves Jungkook and have been counting down the days until you guys married, let’s be honest

“You may now kiss the bride.”

Jungkook punching the air with a “FINALLY!” before kissing the hell out of you

The cutting of the cake inevitably turning into a food fight

The shrimp entrees turning out to be pretty damn good

Yara catching the bouquet and wagging her brows at Taehyung suggestively

Jungkook pulling you aside to take photos of you outside the venue because you look so so pretty and he loves the way you smile when he’s the one behind the camera

The party is in full session, your siblings tearing up the dance floor like the extroverts they are

You and Jungkook are sat at the head of the room, hands intertwined underneath the table as you watch a tired and painfully sober Yara swing her bare feet onto Taehyung’s lap, requesting a foot rub

Watching your pregnant best friend and her lover together, you turned towards your own, smile impossibly wide

“What?”

“Let’s have a baby.” You’d grin, so stupid happy

Jungkook’s eyes going round and immediately jumping up from his seat because god that’s all he’s ever wanted

Being tugged out the room by a giddy Jungkook, one of your heels flinging off somewhere behind you.

“What’s happening? Where are we going?!”

The two of you find yourself in a storage room somewhere on the hotel floor

“Jeon Jungkook, what the hell—“

His mouth find yourself, kissing you in a way that couldn’t at the altar

You kissed him back without questions, arms wrapping around the man you now called your husband

“I love you.” He’d sigh into your neck, his hot breath causing you to shiver

“I love you too.”

“Let’s make a baby.”

“Yeah let’s— wait, right here? Right now?!”

Jungkook merely nodding as his mouth found the exposed skin of your chest

“Meathead, we can’t just ditch our wedding to have sex!”

“Why not? We did our marital duties. Now it’s our guests' job to get embarrassingly drunk and make a fool of themselves on the dance floor. No one will even miss us.”

“Isn’t baby making what our honeymoon is for?”

“Screw that. I’ve done my waiting. Let’s start our family, nerd.”

Jungkook kissing your protests silent before you inevitably give in and let him take you right there and then, your wedding dress hung around your hips

Husband and wife coming together with shaky breaths and hushed moans as they promise the rest of their lives to each other, making every argument, struggle or moment of uncertainty leading up to now totally worth it

Walk of shame back into the party with nervous hair fixing from you and a proud grin from Jungkook

Yara figuring out exactly why you two had sneaked off to, flashing the newly weds a knowing smirk

The night of your wedding, Jungkook surprises you with a present

You unwrap it in confusion, only to see that it’s a glass frame and inside of it is the wrinkled and worn out lined paper the two of you had scribbled on many many years ago

Jungkook hangs up the contract right above your bed as per your request, smiling as he does and jumping on him the moment he puts down the hammer bc dammit it you’re too heckin excited to make love with your sentimental loser of a husband

And yes, by the next month, you are pregnant and incredibly happy

And of course, your daughter and Yara’s son grow up to be best friends, not a family holiday passing by where they aren’t told the story of the totally bitchin’ way both set of their parents got together

[trailerparkflower]

Borderline personality disorder + Steve Harrington?...

So I was thinking about how Steve acts in relationships, researched dependency from the partner and then found a lot of info about BPD, wich made me think what many of the disorder symptoms are very fitting to Steve and explains some things in his behaviour. Lets starts, guys!

Promiscuity.

All his teen life Steve been slutting around probably too scared for serious relationships (because its better that way, no one will leave him if he leaves them first), all charming and needy and touch-starved, calming down his desire for attention and affection. 

Unstable relationships/idealization of the partner, lack of boundares.

Then he settled in the realationships with Nancy (who are brave and smart and oh, so stable), which turned out pretty much unhealthy from both of the sides, and Steve became so depended on his her to the point of breaking up his bounds with everyone else( including his probably childhood best friend Tommy) except her and planning all his life to revolve around Nancy.

Fear of abandoment, frantic efforts to avoid being alone.

He fears what Nancy will abandon him so much what he becomes even more clingy and needy, while she gains even more control in relationships and becomes a “top dog” (from Joe words). In ST1 we also see how insecure and  jealous Steve was to Jonathan, his dramatic reaction on John and Nacny hug, jumping in conclusions without any evidences. He even breaks Jonathan camera in the begining just out of his “insecurity” (again, based on Joe interview), fear what Nancy and Jonathan have better understanding of each other. In other words, he afraid what Nacny will leave him for someone else and he will stay alone again. Steve Harrington canonically has big abandoment issues, probably cased by neglecting parents.

Needing attention+validation

Idk if I even should comment it. We all know what King Steve persona was build for getting attention, admiration and validation from others, know how much time Steve spends on his looks and hair, how pleased he is when Tommy and Carol have all eyes on him. When he doesnt get compliments from Nancy, he pouts and praises himself on his own because he needs that.... “see, a ninja”; “make sure you wont forget this pretty face”, ect. You ask me, Steve has the biggest praise kink in all Hawkins.

Inability to regulate emotion, difficultes with anger controlling. Impulsivity.

Steve is one yelling bitch. He is a soft boy, but when he gets really upset and angry, he becomes mean and yelly and acts without thinking. He tears apart his own essay because Nancy couldnt help him with it, he pouts, storms of the rooms, screams at people. 

Getting upset easily + habit of blocking out intense painful emotions.

If you ask Steve how he doing, he probably will smile and say “peachy!”. Not because everything is really peachy, but because Steve prefers to ignore his own problems and things what makes him sad and pretend what everything is perfectly alright. He asks Nancy go to the movie and “pretend everything is normal for a few hours.”, says what his parents totally gave him hell for drinking beer but “who cares, screw them” and changes the theme. Tommy screams “run away, Stevie boy, like you always do!”, wich suggest us what Steve has a tendentions to avoid confrontations and stressful situations. He once again says Nancy go to the party and pretend to be normal teens in ST2 when she voices her concerns, and we see what ignoring problems and pretending is Steves constant coping mechanism for stress fear and sadness.

Distorted self-image.

Steves sense of self also seems to be instable and based on how people around him see him, like with Tommy he was a school bad boy, with Nancy he became a good guy, with Dustin he became a total soft dork as we see in ST3 trailer. He is unsure about his own goals, he doesnt knows who he is and who he wants to be, like wich job he prefers and what he likes to do in his life generally. Tending to base his own self on his relationships with other people, he gets complitely lost in the end of ST2 when Nancy is no longer with him.

Self-harm, self-desctuctive behaviour. Self damaging acts as drinking, drugs, vandalism.

Steve smokes, drinks, gets into the fights he cant win. Stands near Tommy when he writes about Nancy the slut and Jonathan the creep, runs away from cops. I would even say what his fight with Jonathan was quite maschostic, because Steve rilled him up and then barely protected himself and almost didnt resisted when Jonathan pushed him to the ground and started to punch non stop. Tbh for me it seemed like if Steve was so upset what he wanted some physical pain to blur his emotional one.

Dissociation, "zoning out"

Sometimes if you pay enough attention, you see Steve standing/sitting here with blank empty face. Usually it happens in stressful events, when he has some free time by himself. He also gets slow time to time, like hes habing hard time to concentrate. Cant be sure, but its does seems like zoning out. Im think there was even some parody video where people noticed what Steve sometimes gets blank faced and slow in the middle of the talk.

Paranoidal ideas, anixety, nervousness

Oh, this one is easy. You honestly wont find another ST character who is so full of anixety. He is fidgety, he hugs himself in a self-defense manner, he makes himself look smaller than he is, he constantly has the deer in the highlights look on his face, he cant think and act straight when he meets the Upside Down monster first time, so Jonathan even has to grab his hand and yank him to run. We also see how Steve is afraid of the goverment in the ST2, I would say its paranoidal behaviour-its seems like he does think what they are constantly being watched. Says what they will destroy their lives and families and changes the theme what Nancy wants to discuss.

In ST1 he is also ridiculously scared what his parents, dad especially, will find out what he drunk some beer, he gets so scared of this idea what he even calls Nancy and asks not to mention that to the cops, says what his parents will “Murder him”. 

In ST2 he is also pretty freaked out by Billy, in basketball scene when he is pushed down and Billy holds his hand you can see what Steve is trembling and looks like he is going to cry. Im not joking guys, just rewatch the scene....Poor guy just cant have a rest!

Presistent feelings of emptiness & guilt

“I'm sorry? What the hell am I sorry for?”

No matter is he guilty or not, if Steve having a conflict with someone, most of the times he will feel guilty and be sorry, as we see in the show. He wants to apologize to Jonathan for telling him means things, saying, “I just wanna be good, make things right”, buys him new camera (and giving it to Nancy, not presenting it to Jonathan himself.), cleans local theatre, he says sorry to Nancy, calls himself a jerk, a shitty boyfriend (wich is kinda downgrading himself), wanting to bring her roses and say how sorry he is again. Dustin also easily kind of guilt trips (”you promised to protect us”)  him to protect the party in the tonnels, while Steve clearly was against the whole thing, and feeling really unwell after getting his ass beaten by Billy.

Learning disability/scool problems. BPD can make it difficult for them to control the focus of their attention, to concentrate.

Steve plays it cool and pretends unbothered, but he actually tries hard to learn stuff. Even in ST1 we see in his room, what his table is covered by various homework papers. Its been shown what Steve having a hard time with study, what he is eager to be useful but not the smartest guy around, from his really chaotic essay and getting C-, to the Nazis comment. Its seems like he has some learning disability and doesnt even knows about it himself.

 Its also a known hinted fact what Steve doesnt have a good relationships with his parents, especially with strict father, he even calls him a “grade A asshole”. By their absence in the series, when we saw all the main character families, Steve remains all alone in big house, wich makes us think about how neglecting they are. The thing is, “people with BPD  have been found to be significantly more likely to having been abused by parents.”

During development, Joe Keery and the Duffers spoke about “what kind of family life [Steve] comes from and maybe this girl Nancy is quiet and listens in a way that other people haven't listened to him at this point.”-wich is pretty fitting to the portrayal of “neglecting, denying the validity of childnren thoughts and feelings parents”-that type of the bad parenting what BPD people mostly experenced.

“Parents were also reported to have failed to provide needed protection and to have neglected their child's physical care”, what gaves us the possible reason of Steves constant anixety and running away from the problems issues.

So, while we dont know can it be canon or not, I would say what there is high possibilities what Steve has BPD.

[pop-punklouis]

hey i saw your tags on that post about steve harrington and his redemption arc. did you not think he was an asshole in season 1? sorry if i misinterpreted that from your tags i’m just curious bc i love your opinions

I didn’t exactly say I thought he wasn’t an asshole in season 1, but the reasons most people link him to being in asshole is for things that shouldn’t tie him to that label. SO, in that respect, no I don’t think he was a complete shithead like the post states about his redemption arc.

Like, yes, of course, I’m not going to dismiss the spray paint on the marquee slut-shaming nancy, but that quite. literally was the only real indicative scene that showed steve being an asshole and not just a misunderstood jock who was cornered into bad characterization and the nerd-wanking-superiority writing of the duffer brothers. Let’s take a stroll through Steve’s season 1 and dismantle the entirety of his “asshole” tendencies shall we?

1. Steve always included Barb anytime Nancy went somewhere or was invited somewhere by Steve. He never put up a fight or whines about her “less than popular” friend tagging along even if he and Nancy did leave Barb alone downstairs to hook-up upstairs (which is more on nancy’s shitty behavior than steve’s). At the party Steve makes sure that Barb feels included and even speaks to her a couple of times to bring her into the conversation knowing she felt uncomfortable being there.

2. Steve was very careful and gentle with Nancy about having sex. He made sure she was completely alright and comfortable before even leading her to the bed. He never forced himself or his persuasion on her to sleep with him because he knew she’d never had sex before, and he was even sweeter about it after the fact to make her feel more supported about being with him intimately.

3. The biggest pointed finger of Steve being shitty is when he breaks Jonathan’s camera, but like. is that being shitty? Steve Harrington stumbled upon creeper photos of HIS GIRLFRIEND taken by Jonathan Byers and does what anyone would do in that situation, confront him and dismantle the entire issue. Jonathan wasn’t being sweet or misunderstood. He literally sat in the woods on Steve’s property and took photos of Nancy without her knowledge or permission. That isn’t something to flutter your heart at, it’s creepy and gross and tbh Steve was justified in tossing his camera on the ground after seeing them and hearing Jonathan’s bullshit excuse.

4. Steve gets upset when he sees Nancy hanging out with Jonathan and anger clouds his judgement which causes him to spray paint the marquee, slut-shaming nancy which isn’t alright by any means, BUT imagine seeing your girlfriend choose and defend someone that took up-close photos of her without her knowledge and was never going to tell her he took those photos. (was he going to continue if he wasn’t ratted out??) It’s incredibly confusing and upsetting and he shouldn’t have done something so drastic, but that’s the one time he veered away from being the steve harrington that was a good dude. EDIT: I was reminded by an anon that: Steve did not spray the marquee, it was clearly stated that Tommy did the spray paint and. it was also heavily implied that he already knew it was a bad idea. "I should have shoved that can of spray paint down your throat" is what he tells Tommy. Carol is also the person who calls Nancy a slut "with a heart of gold" to her face. My guess is it was Carol's idea, Tommy gleefully spray painted and Steve dumped them as friends. Steve's crime is that he was a coward in the moment, not an asshole

5. When Steve is sitting on his car, icing his eye, his friends start talking shit about jonathan and nancy and steve, even through everything, defends nancy and shuts them up before realizing he needs to immediately apologize to her.

6. When he’s met with the demegorgon at Jonathan’s house (which he sees nancy and sees her hand and thinks jonathan did something which hello??? the dude was a creep steve should’ve gotten protective) he goes back and helps fight the thing without knowing ANYTHING about it or why it’s there. He knew he needed to help defeat it, so he did (not to mention without his baseball bat, they wouldn’t have gotten where they did with the demegorgon).

I’m probably missing other things but i’m drinking my camomile tea and that’s all my brain can remember right now. anyways, the point is, steve didn’t need as much of a redemption arc as many seem to think and the only way the duffer brothers allowed this “redemption arc” to happen was to push steve into this loser character all because it’s a nerd’s fantasy to see the stereotypical jock (or boo-hoo popular dude) become inferior to the nerd when in reality the nerd is inferior in every way and the entirety of stranger things is just about nerds prevailing and “getting the girl.”

[maagicmiss]

Endgame spoilers !! Beware the spoil !!

This movie was amazing. With a lot of humor, which never fall flat. I was dumbfounded from the beginning to the end tbh Nobody asked for it but there is my hot take of Avengers 4 :

I felt really bad for Thor because ya know, depression™️ but damn the surprise/shock made me laugh. Noobmaster is an absolute evil that we need to end. They kinda did him dirty, I really wasn’t wanting for that but eh 🤷🏻‍♀️ Broken man 😔 Everytime I think about how much he lost I die inside a little more. Rocket was the real best dude here. Cheers to him. I was so fck happy for him when he got his hammer back !!! Like !!! "I’m still worthy" !!!!! You go you funky thunderous man !!! He deserves to be happy at all cost. Protect this man. During the last battle I was shook, with both his hammer and axe, fighting the purple asshole, so cool. Amazing, truly. Also, when he gave Valkyrie the commandment ?? My queen. She’s now my queen. By the way, we all know who’s in command of the Guardians now 🔥🔥😂

I can’t exprim how much I was sad for Natasha. When I saw them climbing this damned mountain I understood it was over for her 😭😭 I will love her until my dying breaths. She did deserve better but she died protecting her family, and the earth. She was the one who fought until the end, who did everything she could, and managed to avenge the earth. Thanks to her Thanos was defeated. Let’s honor her 😭👊🏻🔥

Clint. Like, dude. Pain. Angst. A bit of stupidity but that’s Clint so yeah. The assasinsbowl was ofc won by Natasha, and he lived. I would’ve been pissed if he died because he killed all this (bad indeed) people out of pettiness and sadness and anger for his family but he would’ve let himself die ? I understand. But like, dude. No. You’re a father. A husband. Natasha was ofc going to sacrifices herself instead of you.

HULK !!! My man. He’s happy and that’s all that matter 😭❤️ We stan a confident and humourus man y’all (Im still waiting for a height joke when Scott got aaaaaall huge in the end rip) Also, him being ashamed of his past self ??? Amazing. I couldn’t even in my wildest dreams lol I was dead when he met the old sorceress and got kicked out of his body lmaoo

STEVE. Or best known as America’s ass. Bae. I love that man. Everybody does. He did it. He did all his possible and it payed off. Also what a quick learner. When the hammer got lift, I was "W H O ???" Tbh I was thinking Loki, like "yo surprise bitches" but it was way better xD I think I screamed lmaooo But man, so fucking cool and impressive. That scene where he stand alone in front of Thanos and of his whole army ? With his broken shield ? I C O N I C. I am already seeing all the edit, gif, tribute, fanart and fanfic about it. I can’t wait y’all. Although, I was a bit disappointed about his closure ? Like yeaaah it was neat but... idk....... a bit dissatisfied and disappointed. The Steve/Steve was funny but also sad, idk. Although, Steve in the elevator saying Heil Hydra was beautiful.

Tony. I need to say it. Steve did him dirty. Like. Poor man. He didn’t deserve that, at all. I would’ve preferred Steve snapping down Thanos than him. He’s a father !! A husband too !!! Steve promised to him he wasn’t going to die. LIES, ALL LIES. I’m salty. But no hate for the blond man please. In the end, it was Tony choice. In the end with "The proof that Tony Stark has a heart" was heartbreaking. I wasn’t ready AT ALL. I’m not his biggest fan but oh damn, Sadness got me down. His daughter ? Pain. The little kid from Iron man 3 ?? Pain. Happy being sad ? Pain. Pepper ? Pain. I’m dead. He deserved better 😔 When he met his dad, I was dying. Dying of sadness but also of joy. Glad he could talk to him, and even hug him !!!!

Carol !!! THE bitch. I love her. She could walk on me and I would apologize. We didn’t saw her that much but ya know, it’s cool. I gave her entry a 9/10 because there wasn’t thunder lol (unlike Thor in Infinity War, who rightfully had a mighty 10/10). She was a queen. That haircut ? Beautiful.

Nebula. She’s my bae. Protect her. She’s doesn’t seem to need it but she does. Baby. She baby. But she’s a dangerous baby so be careful lmao Her killing in cold blood her past her (??? Was that suicide ?? Or murder ?? Or murder suicide idk ???) to protect her past sister was tragically sad and heartbreaking and beautiful. I’m saying a lot beautiful but hey I’m doing my best with my limited vocabulary. Nebula and her, and the guardian deserves happiness. Lowkey shooketh that nobody saw it was the past Nebula and not the right one but I’m going to excuse them by saying it the excitement of having all Infinity stones and of sadness for Natasha. Other way I’m about to throw hands 🤬😤

Iconic moment :

Carol saving Tony’s ass. We all knew that was how it gonna to happen but I was so relieved. 9/10.

Thor killing in cold blood Thanos in front of everyone, dead inside was wow, brutal. Not happiness out of it, no recomfort. Merciless, brutal, cold. He was here for the head and he got it. 7/10

Not an iconic moment but shush. The five years later ? I was astonished. It must have been 5 painful years. The world was in shred, dusts and broken people everywhere. Pain. Everything is blue, melancholic, broke. If I was one of the missing people coming back I would tell to every fucking one that joke "Hey, I’m gone like 5 seconds and everybody go apeshit ? What would you all do without me ?" Yeah im that bitch lmao 10/10 because you feel that emptiness and sadness.

Tony joining the idiots and Tired Steve™️ with an actual good plan in his fancy car with a lot of skids and other fancy stuff ? 10/10 good one, boi

That scene from Avengers 1 ? Then them on the side ? 6/10

Steve in that elevator ? You already know. 9/10

Steve commenting on his own ass ?? 1000/10 Trust me, it’s fair. Were waiting for that since Avengers 1.

I love Steve

Loki ?? Man, that dude is a joke but I love him. The face he made when he saw the case slide.... beautiful. The face he made when he jumped in the time hole ??? Iconic. 10/10. I want to know how everything is gonna to play with his series. I wanted more of him tbh I even was waiting for him in the last battle. By the way, is he still dead ? If he never went to Odin.... idk. Lowkey confused here.....

And last but not least :

The final battle.

Damn.

The fight between Iron Man, Thor, Captain and Thanos was intense. I was on the edge of my seat lmao It reminds me of their fight in Avengers 1, in the forest, for Loki. They were fighting against each other, now they’re fighting together 🔥👊🏻❤️ 9/10

Steve picking up the hammer ? 10/10 No comment, it’s fair. (The "I knew it" of Thor was priceless)

Steve getting a rematch on Thanos with both his shield and Hammer ? I C O N I C. 9/10 because it didn’t last long in my opinion.

Steve in front of the whole army ? Alone ? The face dirty of dirt and blood, the shield cut in half ? After he slowly stood up, even tho he was tired and probably had broken ribs ? How dare you not applause. That old man was ready to fight them all, and to fucking die. Stupid but amazing. 1001/10. Slightly better than him commenting on his own ass lmao (tag me if u ever do a fanart of this scene please)

Sam calling Steve ? Not iconic but still. I was dying and it cured me. My skin is clear, my debt are payed off, my grades are perfect and I’m now immortal.

The Powerful Women squad ? Damn. I love it. Sign me up for 10 movies about their shenanigans around the universe. 10/10

All the dead one coming back to life ? All the dead coming through the portals ? And looking badass af ?? Doctor Strange ? Wong ? Wanda ? Sam ? Bucky ? Spider man ? The Guardians looking sharp ? Black Panther with his sister and Okoye ? The Wankanda Army ? The spatial ships ? EVERYONE ????? Bitch Please, it was perfect. 10/10.

Tony snapping ? "I’m Iron Man." I was euphoric. 10/10. Then I was really sad. So 10/pain

"Proof that Tony Stark has an heart" ? A painful 7/10.

As you can read, I loved that movie. Like, very much, but, I’m a bit dissatisfied about the music. The Russos were idk, timid ? Shy about it. Most of them were old one, the themes of the characters and the principal theme (the one from avengers 1). Nothing too extraordinary, nor extravagant. Can do better.

Also, idk why but I found that Hulk was a bit weird ? Idk he seemed emotionless ? Maybe it’s only me but I didn’t like that much the CGI of Hulk this time.

Wanda. She barely spoke. Rip

Tony’s death. He shouldn’t have died.

Steve’s old days/death/idk. I’m not buying it. I don’t like it either. Glad Sam is Captain America now tho. Sad for Bucky. The dude is gonna end up alone in 2022 (or idk what years) with only Sam and Steve’s grandchildren or idk Rip dude

There is soooo much to say about this movie. Like, I write something down and something else is immediately coming up x) Maybe I’ll edit stuff later.

[azoraahai]

Robin and Sam for the ship breakdown!!!

▸ how did they they meet? they met at the bar robin usually goes to. an asshole was hitting on her and she was not having any of it so sam butted in and pretended to know robin so he can get the other guy away from her. fun fact, she tells sam that she’s perfectly able to handle herself and sam jokes around by saying “oh i bet you can. i was just getting his sorry ass away before he makes even more of a fool of himself.” or something like that and it makes her laugh its v cute.

▸ who developed romantic feelings first? definitely sam. ofc there was physical attraction on both sides, but he was whipped from the beginning and that’s a fact ladies and gents.

▸ who is their biggest “shipper?” probably darius chapman, a side oc who appears quite a lot in her story. he’s always had high hopes for sam and seeing their relationship blossom, he’s out there making signs and t-shirts for his best friend and her man. ( okay not really, but you get what i mean. he’s just really happy for robin ).

▸ when did they have their first kiss and under what circumstances? their first kiss is extremely soft which is kinda surprising to me. so it was after their first sort of date ( robin wouldn’t call it a date, but it def was a date ), it started raining and sam’s house was the closest so they went there to wait out the rain. while she’s there, sam gives her an old pair of sweats to change into since she’s soaked and he doesn’t want her to be wet yannoe. but anyways, they end up sitting on his couch and getting into some really deep convo and they both drift off into silence until sam makes a move, but does it in an unsure and light kind of way bc he doesn’t wanna come off too strong and make her uncomfy. then when sam pulls away, robin mentally tells herself “fuck it” and just dives into it bc she is tired of pushing him away and they’re just soooooo soft i love them.

▸ who confessed their feelings first? again, sam. he’s been straightforward since the beginning and he likes to make it known how he’s v into her and all of her baggage. he’s there for the whole nine yards.

▸ what was their first official date? instead of going out, they decide to cook their own dinner at his place ( which lowkey is a disaster since robin is a mess and sam is trying to fix everything ) but it’s also the most fun they’ve had in a while and they ended up eating the edible parts of their meal.

▸ how do they feel about double dates/group dates? oh they don’t mind them at all. normally they do double dates/get togethers with steve and dom since they’re all a tight knit bunch and they all have fun together.

▸ what do they do in their down time? they like to sit on their couch and watch whatever’s on the tv. they don’t really care what they’re doing as long as they’re together.

▸ what was the first meeting of parents as an official couple like? ha can’t answer this bc sam’s parents are dead in the comics ( which is what i intend on doing with her story ) and robin doesn’t know hers so :/ whoops.

▸ what was their first fight over and how did they get past it? oof um, the first one is probs gonna be robin continuously pushing sam away. she doesn’t mean to, but at the same time, she doesn’t wanna get too emotionally attached to people since she’s been hurt one too many times. and the more she pushes sam away, the more he wants to stick by her side because he know she doesn’t mean it so it’s all over the place but yeah.

▸ which one is more easily made jealous? another oof. uhhh i think they both can get pretty jealous, but maybe robin??? a bit more??? if anyone flirts with her man, all hell breaks loose. 

▸ what is their favorite thing to get to eat? idk why but im thinking burgers. super messy and fatty burgers are their thing.

▸ who’s the cuddly one? what’s their favorite cuddling position? robin is lowkey a leach so she’ll have a hand on him at all times. when the cuddle, she rests her head on his chest and wraps her arms around him and just holds him tight. 

▸ are they hand holders? not really???? sam usually has a hand on her lower back or robin loops her arm through his. hand holding isn’t a big thing of theirs.

▸ how long do they wait before sleeping together for the first time? what’s the circumstances? tbh i haven’t fully thought this out yet, but def a few months or so after they’ve gotten to know each other. sex isn’t a huge deal to either, but they want to take it slow before they get down and dirty.

▸ who tops? r o b i n 

▸ what’s the worst first they’ve ever gotten into? first time cooking together was a complete and utter disaster lol that’s all i got.

▸ who does the shopping and the cooking? robin usually shops while sam cooks but they switch or share roles every now and then.

▸ which one is more organized and prone to tidiness? sam!!!!!!!!! he’s not a neat freak, but in the military you gotta get your shit together so that stuck with him.

▸ who proposes? fun fact.... both kinda do? sam’s been wanting to propose for a longggg while, but hasn’t since robin didn’t believe in marriage and he was okay with that. then the snap happens and robin regrets that choice so she says she wants to marry him shortly after he comes back and sam just pulls out his mother’s ring he’s been holding onto for years and he’s like “that’s supposed to be my line.” 

▸ do they have joined bachelor/bachelorette parties or separate? separate. definitely separate. both get super wild and crazy so they are def separate.

▸ who is the best man/maid of honor? any other groomsmen or bridesmaids? in a perfect world, steve and dom would be the best man/maid of honor and all the avengers would attend.

▸ big ceremony or small? probs small tbh. big weddings are too much.

▸ do they have a honeymoon? if so, where? again, in a perfect world, they’d go somewhere super fun and relaxing. probably a cruise. they’d have a blast on a cruise.

▸ do they have children? how many? eventually, yes. i always go back on forth on deciding what i want, but they’d probably have a boy and a girl. not 100% sure at the moment.

send me a ship and i’ll break them down

[attackofthezee]

STUCKY REC LIST 10/6/18

I realized it’s been a bit since I did a rec list! I link to fics I’ve read and enjoyed over the week in my weekly writing round ups, but I don’t tag those posts as fic recs (it feels a little too self promoting to tag something about my own writing with fic recs, I can’t seem to do it) soooo I feel like it doesn’t count. So here, have a list of fics I highkey recommend right now. They’re all beautiful majestic fics and everyone should read them.

The Heart of a Dying Star by layersofart (layersofsilence), velleities

As ancient legends have it, mighty magical weapons can be forged in the heart of a dying star.

Wanda, driven by her desire to avenge her brother’s death and backed by Hydra and their secret plans, uses ancient magic to knock a star down from the sky.

Halfway across the land, Steve, the Captain of the Avengers Guard, finds a fallen star named Bucky.

Do you want to feel like you’re reading a fairy tale? Because like, this fic feels straight up like reading a fairy tale. It’s wonderful and soft and also like vaguely a Stardust AU while not actually being a Stardust AU and tbh it’s wonderful, just wonderful. Go read it and fall in love with Star!Bucky and total sweetheart Steve Rogers just like I did.

Howitzer by spacebuck

Bucky Barnes, figure skating champion, is forced to switch his skates for hockey ones when he leaves for college. Problem is, he's never played hockey before, and now he has to be good enough to get the scholarship he needs. Enter Steve Rogers, Carter University Men's Hockey player, who's decided that he'd do anything to get this guy on his team.

Cue five am runs, overwhelming classes, new friends, plenty of snow, and a sport that's fast becoming a way of life.

This fic has been on my To-Read List for approximately six thousand years, and part of me regrets not reading it sooner while the other is really glad I waited because I was reading it while having a rough week and guys, it was like the cure to my overdramatic issues that week. I like hockey a decent amount because it’s dudes being mildly homoerotic on ice and I find nothing bad about that, but I don’t really know about hockey, y’know? And after reading this I felt like I knew about hockey, which was a pretty fantastic experience tbh. I haven’t felt that feel since my fave fic back in Bandom days left me super interested in rugby for a while. Also the relationship between Steve and Bucky in this is fucking beautiful, and the descriptions of the games left me feeling incredibly invested in them and the author deserves literally all the love for that.

What's left behind by Niitza

The thing was, after waking up in that new century, that strange future where nothing and no one was the same, not even himself, it had never occurred to Steve to wonder again if the effects of the serum were permanent.

Catch me outside perpetually screaming about this fic. It’s told in chunks of 200 words and while I found myself inevitably wanting more of every chunk it also worked so well for this fic and is also something I admire because while I believe in brevity, I also have absolutely zero self control and if a scene wanted to be 500 words I’d end up writing 500 words. It’s just, it’s SO GOOD, and if you’re like, super bad at focusing like I am the way it’s told is a surefire way of catching attention and sucking in. It’s just really beautiful and wonderful and I recommend that you don’t take my word for it and go read it to find out for yourself.

Keep the Torch Lit by thepartyresponsible

“Logan,” Charles says, delicately. “Do you know the whereabouts of the Winter Soldier?”

“Nope,” Logan lies, easy as anything. “Haven’t heard a damn thing, Chuck.”

“Logan,” Charles says, “have you forgotten I’m a telepath?”

“Well,” Logan says, a little less pleasantly, “I sure forgot you’re a Goddamn nosy son of a bitch.”

Listen, okay, this fic is not Stucky, at least not technically. Technically it’s Logan/Bucky with past Steve/Bucky but like even the Logan/Bucky isn’t really the focus and if you want to (like me) it’s definitely possible to read future Stucky into this fic. also this is my rec list and I do what I want ya’ll. The focus on this isn’t the shipping, and tbh that’s what makes it so glorious. The focus is on the goddamn glorious motherfuckin Wolverine, aka the love of my life since I was a wee lass watching the x-men animated series back in the 90s and falling facefirst into simultaneous crushes on both Logan and Rogue. Biromanticism ya’ll, it started early. This fic is hysterical. Logan’s voice is so spot on and so very LOGAN that every line manages to be grumpy and hysterical and also reveal that hidden layer of just caring too much that I really believe is like, the true hallmark of a well written Logan. He doesn’t want to care, but he does care, and that’s like the crux of all his issues y’know? That’s why he takes in asshole super soldier assassins that half the world is after when they give the shitty reason of ‘war buddies, you gotta.’  

I could write several paragraphs on my epic love for this fic but I feel like the biggest reason to read it that I can give is that I’ve now read it three times and as a person who barely ever reads things even twice, that’s a huge thing for me. Also it has an appearance of a Charles who’s kinda a dick and tbh that’s how I love my Charles.

ALL OF THAT BEING SAID, if you can stand Bucky being even hinted at being with someone other than Steve, and if you don’t for some strange reason hate Wolverine (which if you do, who hurt you????) then go read this fic. It’s 4400 words of fucking brilliance.

Baby You Should Stick Around by neenya, nephropsis

If somebody had told Steve he and Bucky would end up raising Bucky's clone as their son, he'd probably have- wait, no, he wouldn't have done anything, because nobody would ever have said that.

And yet. Here they are.

Listen, this is one of those fics that I opened up expecting something fun and lighthearted and y’know, just a normal kidfic. What I got was 33k of a seriously beautifully written fic that gave me some seriously intense feelings. It was not what I expected whatsoever and it was all the better for that. I, personally, need to occasionally open up something I don’t expect to make me feel and then experience all the feelings because I am in the words of my former therapist ‘a shaken up soda bottle, building up pressure and just waiting to explode.’ True story. MY PERSONAL ISSUES ASIDE, this is beautiful and sad at times but with like, a really wonderful ending that made me feel A LOT OF THINGS. (The point of this is that this fic made me feel a lot of things. Like just, a lot of things. So many things) And there is this certain quality to the writing, at least to me, that really lets you feel the fact that Steve is having Issues and Steve is not realizing these Issues, and because of that he’s not able to be entirely present in this life that he has with Bucky. It’s wonderfully unique, and wonderfully written, and while not one I can reread super often (because of those aforementioned FEELINGS) it is seriously such a quality piece of work and one I’d somehow never stumbled upon despite it being written four years ago.

Black Dog by leveragehunters (Monkeygreen)

So long ago the details were lost to time, people began creating guardians of the dead. They were made from dogs, dogs who were buried in graveyards before anyone was laid to rest, their spirits arising as black dogs, bound protectors of the human dead.

Steve had always wondered what would happen after he died. He hadn't expected the answer to be 'wake up in the cemetery he'd been buried in', but here he was, some kind of ghost, and he could see the trees through his hands. It wasn't so bad, and he wasn't alone—a sleek black dog, golden eyes glowing bright, was happily waiting to greet him.

Decades later, on what was supposed to be a quiet, peaceful, definitely-not-life-changing walk through the woods, Bucky stumbled across an abandoned cemetery and into the impossible.

(It's a ghost story and a love story and a story about dogs.)

I’ve talked about my love for absolutely everything leveragehunters writes, I know I have, but oh my god, Black Dog hits it out of the goddamn park. There’s A GOOD DOG! AND STEVE IS A GOOD DOG EVEN THOUGH HE’S NOT REALLY A DOG! And Laika! I GENUINELY CRIED OVER LAIKA!  And I DON’T OFTEN CRY OVER FICS!! I just, this was so beautiful and there’s always something so special about leveragehunters’ world building in their urban fantasy and magical realism fics in that it never feels heavy handed, never feels like I’m getting a bunch of info dumped on my head, but I always leave the fic feeling like I’ve seen this brand new world and understood it in the way the characters do even if that world is just a little bit left of the one we’re in now.

Also this is just a really good, nice fic to read while curled up with one’s dogs so y’know, if you’ve got dogs, definitely have them nearby to love on while you read this. It makes the experience like 1000x better.

despite the threatening sky and shuddering earth (they remained) by praximeter (Zimario)

“They really didn’t want the mask to come off.” Hill thumbed through the scans, and pulled out a film that she then handed over to Sam, face mostly expressionless but for the flat line of her pursed lips.

Sam accepted the film and held it up to the light, angling so both he and Steve could see it, squinting at the outline of the Winter Soldier’s skull, and the blips of unnatural white that showed up, God, in his brain, not to mention about half his teeth, plus the mask, with its thin protrusions—

“Those are pins,” Steve realized. He looked over at Hill. “The mask—it’s nailed to his face.”

Hill’s face was as unmoved as ever. “Like I said. They really didn’t want it coming off.”

Picture me screaming like a pterodactyl every time I even think of this fic. I kept seeing this fic, kept seeing it recced everywhere, kept scrolling by, kept seeing it recced by people who’s work I love and read and admire, and KEPT SCROLLING. And then finally, finally I decided to devote myself to 70k of what I assumed would be a lot of emotional pain. I was right. This was painful to read, the parts in Bucky’s pov especially so, but it was also so, so, sooo very good. I found myself clicking to the next chapter as quickly as I could and wanting to sink right back into it if I had to go do something. It’s just, it’s so good, and if by some chance you haven’t read it yet do yourself a favor and don’t be like me and keep scrolling past it.