#because I wouldn't have tried listening to her music now if I hadn't been familiar with it already

[sparksflys]

..

[dullgecko]

Riz and Mazey end up becoming friends outside of their relationships with Fabian after Mazey learned that, not only did Riz also like musicals, but they had the same favourite musical.

Riz was busy in his senior year but he still tried to make an effort to hang ou with his friends. Even if that 'hanging out' was just him existing in the same room as them while he tried to get some work done.

He'd practically taken over an entire corner of one of the living rooms in Seacaster manor at the moment. Papers and photos and thick notebooks strewn across the floor in an arc around him as he sat in the centre of the chaos typing away on an ancient laptop as his friends held conversation on the other side of the room.

Mazey thought it looked lonely but Fabian let her know he was perfectly content. Plus, he was still listening to every word and could inject himself into the conversation whenever he wanted. Riz had glanced away from his screen when he heard Fabian say that, flicking his ears and grinning before getting back to work.

Fabian was right though, most of the time his party held conversations as if he was sitting in the thick of them. Occasionally asking him questions which he would reliably respond to as if he wasn't buried under a mountain of paperwork and only half listening.

Riz was still there even after the sun set and the rest of his party went home, the piles of papers somehow growing around him (one even sporting a plate with a half eaten sandwich on top that someone had forced on him, apparently when he got hyper focused like this he often didn't eat which was concerning).

One of Mazeys playlists had been playing softly in the background while her and Fabian continued to chat, the bard only vaguely aware that it had skipped over to one of her musical playlists when the first one ended when she stopped talking and could hear someone singing under their breath.

"What the fuck?" Mazey sat up straighter on the couch, looking around the room before zeroing in on Riz in hiss corner. The goblin quietly singing along to the lyrics and bopping his head occasionally in time with the music, though his eyes were still locked on his screen.

"Hmm?" Fabian followed his girlfirends gaze, laughing when he saw what had her so confused. "Oh yes. He does that sometimes, only around people he's comfortable with though... you must count now."

"Oh..." Mazey blinked, still watching the rogue. He hadn't messed up the lyrics yet so he was obviously familiar with the song. "I wouldn't have pegged him as someone who knew this song."

"It's one of my favourites." Riz glanced up from his laptop to meet her gaze, ears flicking happily. "I have the cast recording on vinyl in my office."

"It's my favourite too!" Mazey exclaimed "Have you seen it live yet?"

"Nah. Too expensive. I do have a decent recording of it thought. Want me to send it to you?" Riz dug his crystal out of his pocket when Mazey nodded enthusiastically, his laptop getting put on the ground so he could stand up and pick his way through his minefield of papers to get to the pair on the couch.

"I could buy you tickets The Ball." Fabian said, his voice thick with exasperation as he reached up to ruffle the goblins hair when he got close. This was obviously a conversation they'd had before because Riz just poked his tongue out at him and didn't say anything. The rogue clambering up onto the couch on the other side of Mazey to settle down with his crystal and show her the recording.

[cyber-cry-baby]

Miasma pt. 14 "Confession"

Caustic x fem reader Words: ~1200 Warnings: slight harassment Previous chapter | Next Chapter

The first rays of morning light reflected off your window. Your entire apartment had been painted in shades of red. You laid on your bed, staring out at the view, feeling empty. What you had experienced last night was... unforgettable. You buried your face in the pillow, and a faint smile crept onto your lips. How could it not? It had been something so wonderful.

And it wouldn't happen again. You sighed.

You both got what you wanted, and well, you got even more than you expected. You jumped out of bed, remembering the files you had sent to yourself. You needed to transfer them onto a flash drive and deliver them to X. You headed towards your workspace, unable to resist a glance in the direction of the laboratory on your way. It made your stomach flutter.

You rushed to your computer and started copying the files onto the flash drive. Would this finally be over? The next step was to find X. But that would be easy now that you had received messages from him. You brought up your message history.

'I have all the information I can get', you typed.

It was true. If X expected Alexander to tell you about his plans to destroy the world and kill people, he was mistaken. Even though the man trusted you, he was unlikely to talk to you about such things, and how could you prove it even if he did? Now you had it all in black and white, and that had to be enough. You went back to your apartment to wait for a response to your message. When none came, you packed your gym bag and headed to do some yoga. It had been a while since you last went to the gym. It would help you to calm your mind.

Soon, you found yourself in familiar surroundings, with peaceful music playing in your earbuds as you stretched. Stretching felt good after last night. Oh god, you blushed at the thought... You couldn't help but think about it every second. The truth was, you wanted more, a lot more, but you tried to push your desires aside.

You immersed yourself in the world of music and asanas, losing track of time. Suddenly, you realized someone was standing in front of you.

"How was last night?" you saw Loba standing there, hands on her hips, a serious look on her face.

"L- Loba..." you stammered, taken aback by the unexpected question.

"We thought you'd be back, but you disappeared again. And now we know where!" she said, drawing out her words as if she had stumbled upon some valuable information. "What the hell, Y/N?"

You were caught off guard because you hadn't prepared for a barrage of questions.

"I'm sorry, I won't do that again", you said genuinely apologetic.

"You don't need to apologize to me, Y/N, but you could at least tell your friends what's going on!" she scolded you.

You felt a familiar pang of guilt.

"I remember you saying yesterday that you didn't want to know what I was doing", you reminded Loba of her reaction when you left to deliver beer to Alexander.

"Well, now I care! You were gone all night!" Loba sat down beside you to stretch. "Caustic...", she said, tasting the word with almost disgust. Her reaction hurt you, even though you shouldn't care. No one could see Alexander the way you did. You focused on your stretches, trying to hide your frustration.

"Do you have something going on?" Loba continued.

You stopped stretching and turned to look at her.

"No", you said as convincingly as you could. After a moment of silence, you decided to reveal a little more. She was your friend, after all. You had two options:

"We have feelings for each other, but we've decided to continue as colleagues."

or

"I'm spying on him at Syndicate's request."

Somehow, the latter option seemed less painful.

"You can't tell anyone about this", you said, your face serious. Loba leaned closer to listen and nodded, genuinely concerned. You looked at her with such a grave expression that she seemed even frightened. You didn't hesitate. The relief of finally being able to confide in someone like this was immense.

"A man called X from the Syndicate approached me", you began in a hushed tone. "He saw potential in me as a new legend and demanded that I spy on Caustic, so I did. I had no choice because this X... he is blackmailing me," you spoke in a low voice. Loba looked horrified, but her expression soon turned angry.

"Those... demonios!" Loba grabbed your arms. "Why didn't you say anything?"

"I was afraid they would do something to my family or friends", you said, your eyes welling up with tears. You knew that Loba had experienced the worst kind of pain in her past. She knew what it all meant.

"But I got the necessary information, and I believe I can finally get out of this", you tried to reassure her and yourself. Loba nodded incredulously. You felt relieved that you could trust someone here, at least.

"You won't tell anyone, will you?" you asked anxiously, and Loba nodded. She came closer to hug you comfortingly, and suddenly, tears welled up in your eyes again. It felt so good to finally tell someone, even if you didn't reveal everything. You wiped your tears away quickly. You wanted to be like Loba – strong and independent. You smiled at her, and she smiled back.

Later, you received a response to your message. X instructed you to meet on the rooftop again, in the middle of the night, as usual. This was it – perhaps the last time you met the mysterious Mr. X.

A breeze ruffled your hair on the rooftop, and you felt relieved. If only this would go as planned. X reached out his hand expectantly, and you placed the flash drive in it. Unexpectedly, he grabbed your hand and looked into your eyes.

"You were apparently willing to do anything to get these files", he smirked. You gave him an irritated, questioning look.

"Listen, X, I did what I did, and that's all the information I could extract. I can't do more", you said.

"Too bad you got your hands dirty in the process", X said. "And please, just call me Doyle. Hmm... I would actually really like to hear you moan my name", he said, his hand suddenly gripping your chin. You looked at him, shocked. Fortunately, he let go, laughing maliciously at your horrified expression. You felt sick. X, or rather Doyle, whoever he was, was young and undeniably handsome for such a wicked man. In another situation, you might have been flattered, but his malicious nature made him repulsive. Disgusting.

You took a step back and clenched your fists.

"Of course, sweetheart, you can go", Doyle lit his cigar. "I might need you again, so you will hear from me later. Perhaps I'll command you to fetch information, or perhaps I'll command you to kneel before me." He shrugged, and you listened in shock.

"We'll be watching you and your friends every moment. Oh, and thanks for this!" Doyle waved the flash drive in his hand. "You certainly deserve a big thank you at some point. Just wait, my dear!"

[lvrdream]

call it what you want | dreamwastaken

summary: loosely inspired by call it what you want by taylor swift, basically dream admiring his swiftie of a gf. dream x fem!reader warnings: y/n is a swiftie (just mentioned a couple times), timeline might not match up idk, kinda short

it had been two years since he met y/n. dream remembered being at maybe his lowest point in his life when she walked in, shining bright in all of his dark corners. it hadn't mattered anymore that the hate on the internet had gotten so bad that he couldn't stream anymore and it felt like a death sentence to (metaphorically, of course) show his face on the internet.

when he finally told her everything that was happening on the internet, she hadn't cared about what they were saying, just doing her best to comfort him, making sure he knew whatever they had to say wasn't true.

she had preferred to get to know him in her own time, not learning about what his fans thought they knew on the internet, not even taking a second glance at the long twitter threads slandering his name.

it was six months after they met that he knew that he would never be able to picture himself with someone else. he loved everything about her, even, maybe even especially, the things she hated about herself, he loved that she rarely listened to anything other than taylor swift, except when he put out music, then those songs were on for weeks. he loved how she accepted him for who he was and not what he was on the internet. he loved that he could tell that she loved him too, loved him so well; even when he tried to push her away, scared that the internet would find out about her and pick her apart like they had done with himself, she stayed in arms reach. always ready to listen when he needed to talk, making sure he ate and drank water. the simple things always seemed to have a lasting affect on him.

he remembered hearing her sing 'call it what you want' in the car once. how she screamed the lyrics 'i want to wear his initial on chain round my neck, not because he owns me, but because he really knows me," at the top of her lungs with a grin taking up half of her face, and he vowed in that moment that he would do anything for her to keep that smile on her face all the time, and the next thing he knew he was looking at jewelry with the familiar 'c' initial on the chain.

it didn't take long for him to find what he considered to be the perfect necklace, but the next step had been figuring out the best way to present it to her.

he had decided to wait until their anniversary, and he thought that the moment would present itself.

they had been sitting in the living room, alone with sapnap away, with his arm slung over her shoulder, when she started humming as she scrolled through instagram. "i'm glad sapnap is having fun," she had thought out loud, taking a pause and looking up at him, "i wish you could have gone." dream observed her pout painting her face and the genuine sad tone that laced her words, all because he hadn't been able to go to the uk with his friends.

"if i could have, we wouldn't be spending our anniversary together." dream smiled down at her, giving her shoulder a teasing squeeze.

"yeah, meet your best friend of ten years or spend your two year anniversary with your girlfriend cuddling... hard decision there, baby."

"you're just as important to me as sapnap and george, you know that," dream said with a roll of his eyes, and the necklace in pocket seemed to weigh ten pounds when he was reminded by it, "and you also know that i wouldn't want to be anywhere but here with you right now."

"yeah, yeah..." and with the look of adoration gracing her eyes, that he was all too familiar with, he decided to just rip off the band-aid.

"i got you something." reaching into his pocket, she placed her hand over his.

"no, we said no gifts."

"no, you said no gifts." he corrected with a grin, now ignoring the pressure of her hand over his, and revealing the necklace.

when she finally saw the 'c' pendant, she couldn't help but grin, "are you t as in troy-ing me?"

dream couldn't help the loud wheeze that escaped his throat, but he shook his head, "no... here, let me put it on?" when she nodded and turned her around, he continued, "i'm call it what you want-ing you." and with the chain clasped and a gentle kiss placed on her neck, where her hair had been pulled away, she spun around.

"really?" she grinned, placing her hands on his face.

"really." he nodded and easily accepted the kiss he supplied.

"you better not ruin that song for me." she warned, but dream noted the smile that hadn't left her face, despite her serious tone.

"i wouldn't even think of it."

[aweecrush]

THE NIGHT AFTER - After they finally get their GCSE results, the girls celebrate their success.

Say what you want about Jenny Joyce (it's probably very accurate anyway), but there's one thing that you can't deny about her: the girl knows how to throw a party.

Well, has learnt to, really. Before, it was really nice because of the house and the sheer amount of- well, everything. Having a doctor Dad certainly seemed to have its perks.

But with the couple parties she's held since President Clinton's visit (and that they miraculously managed to sneak in), it was something else. There was still the great stuff, of course, but even better, with a significant amount of booze added, a lot less schooling about what line you should stand in in the kitchen and what manners you should have using the toilets. The music was louder, the crowd just got bigger and bigger. Even Jenny seemed drunk and happy and- 

Grand. It was grand.

Tonight is no exception.

The air is hot, filled with smoke and sweat. The alcohol is flowing, beer sticking to the floor where Aisling spilled it as she tried to hold her beer on her head. The Spice Girls had been blasting for a good half an hour, nobody seeming to mind. Hands clasped in Clare's, Erin had jumped so much she'd almost gotten sick, her hair all wavy from whatever she did to it that morning and her laugh barely covered by the loud music.

There was no doubt in his mind that she was the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen.

Downing the last of his drink, James grabs two beers and heads upstairs, praying to whoever would listen that he won't get lost again. Not that it would be his fault, really - seriously, is there a need for so much space? One corridor, another with Lisa kissing the life out of some lad in a library left with an open door, a couple of steps, and here he is.

Well. Who said being drunk couldn't make the mind sharper? He certainly struggled a lot more the last time he was up here, and he hadn't had anything to drink.

He barely has time to close the door he's interested in behind him before she jumps on him, legs snaking around his waist and arms tight around his neck. 

Jesus Christ, she smells good.

"We made it!"

"I know! I couldn't even sleep last night, I was listing all the jobs I could get without a degree. I mean, why would Sister Michael do that to us?"

Sliding off of him, Erin frowns, nose snubbed in that little annoyed expression of hers. "Aye, I know." Itching to make it go away, James sets the bottles on the night table next to them and frames her face, bumping his own nose with hers playfully. When she smiles and grabs his shirt at the front to pull him even closer, the familiar butterflies go wild in his stomach.

"But we made it."

"We made it."

Jesus, they did. He still can't believe it, really. "Thank you for helping me with Math - I wouldn't have managed it without ye, you know."

"Of course you would have."

One of her perfectly shaped eyebrows raises. "James." He winces.

"Alright, maybe not. You still would have passed, though."

Shaking her head, Erin puts one, two far too short kisses on his lips, a cheeky smirk on hers when he moans, leaning in for more. 

"Well, my Ma certainly doesn't think so - if you weren't her favorite before, which you were, you definitely are now. She says you should come for tea on Sunday, by the way - she'll make your favorite and everything."

James grins. "I'd love to." God bless Mary Quinn and her cooking. Although -

"Do you think she knows? About us, I mean. It's just, she's been even nicer to me lately."

Draping her arms around his neck distractingly, Erin pulls him even closer, and he puts a couple of kisses on her cheeks, her jaw, her eyes wandering around the room as she ponders.

"I dunno," she shrugs after a while. "I mean, I always make something up when I go to see just you, and she hasn't seemed suspicious."

Her eyes meet his again, and it's all he can do not to let his fuzzy, wasted, very happy mind take over and kiss her senseless. "She did eye your necklace funny the other day, but I mean - she would have said something, right? Plus, the girls still haven't caught on, so -"

This time, it's his time to raise one of his so-called well inherited eyebrows. "I think we can give your mum more credit than that, Erin."

"Well, we're together all the time!"

"Exactly! And they still haven't figured it out. Not at the sleepover at our house last month -"

"We were all really drunk though."

"- not that time at school -"

"In their defense, Jenny arrived at the perfect time to distract them - thank Jesus."

"- they still haven't noticed the necklaces -"

"Maybe they have! I have the half heart with Clare, Michelle and I kind of have a similar one - it's just not that suspicious."

"- they still don't realize it when we sneak out to -"

"Well, we're being really smart and discreet, James."

"Erin, I held your hand the whole time in the police car last night!"

Laughing, Erin just closes the distance, and James is more than happy to follow her lead as she kisses him, a wide smile he can feel against his lips on her face, her fingers in his curls.

He may only be sixteen (and arguably, be very wasted), but he knows that this day (this night) will always remain one of the best of his life.

When they eventually part, the green of her eyes sparkling so much, it makes his heart beat even faster, he pecks her nose, the corner of her mouth. She returns the favour, her painted lips probably leaving traces all over his face.

Not that he cares, really. He's more than happy to let her do it all night, if she wants.

"Thank ye for that, by the way," she mumbles after a while, looking back at him. 

His hands tightens just a bit around her.

"You're welcome. Although to be honest, I needed it just as much," and she chuckles softly.

"It really was scary, wasn't it," she breathes, still a little shaken.

He lets his hand travel on her back, her shoulders. Feels her snuggle even closer, if possible. "It was. You handled it so well, though."

Pink rises to her cheeks. "It was all uncle Colm - thank Jesus for him."

"It was you who thought of calling him - and who stood up to that prick of an officer. You're my hero."

She flushes straight to her hairline this time, and he can't help but grin at how adorable she looks.

"Aye, catch yourself on, James - you just want to get into my pants." 

"Well, I'll admit I am planning on snogging you for the rest of the night," and she punches his shoulder, pretending to move away from him.

He holds her even closer, the smell of her perfume and her fingers on the back of his neck making him dizzy in a way that has nothing to do with the alcohol very much running into his veins. "I'm serious, though." 

He bumps their noses, makes sure she's looking at him. "You're amazing, Erin."

There's a mix of doubt and fear and awe in her eyes, her red lips slightly parted. Her chest rising almost visibly. The tamed light of the room makes pretty shadows on her pretty face, and he just - 

Shit, but he's in so much trouble.

Letting his forehead drop against hers, James kisses the corner of her lips before meeting her gaze again. "I'm so in love with you."

As shitfaced as he is, James swears, his heart misses a beat at that look on her face then. That smile.

Fuck.

Gripping his shirt, Erin raises herself on her toes to meet him even better.

"You know, I think I may be very much in love with you too, English. Now, lock the door."

[captains-simp]

Carol Danvers ~ Put On A Show

(This isn't what she looks like in this fic but it is the ✨I'm gonna make you see the stars vibe✨)

Carol Danvers X fem!Reader Smut

Word Count: 3,569

Includes: lil bit of public teasing, thigh grinding, edging, gagging on fingers, praise, strap on, overstimulation and oral

[ masterlist ]

Buy me a coffee ☕

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Being an Avenger taught you to handle a lot of difficult situations.

You knew how to take down a state of the art quinjet in a minute. You could survive on an unknown planet. You had played a significant part in tracking down and rounding up the last Hydra agents.

And yet no one had ever prepared you to be stuck in a room with a hundred arrogant business men who were desperately trying to impress you with what they thought was power.

You were certain you could have better conversations with a caveman.

You weren't a superspy like Natasha. You couldn't fake interest, put on a realistic smile and pretend to enjoy yourself like she could.

You weren't Tony who genuinely enjoyed himself at those kind of parties and thrived at being the center of attention.

And you weren't Carol who didn't need either of those things. If she didn't want to talk to someone, she wouldn't. It only took one of her looks to make any of the leaches hurry away. She didn't have to worry about the repercussions of doing so because there weren't any. Non of the guests would ever be willing to admit they were intimidated by a woman.

Not that you were jealous of what Carol had. Carol wasn't the kind of person you wanted to be, but she sure as hell was the kind of person you wanted to be with. And that woman was one of a kind.

The distraction of the Captain was definetly not helping you keep your cool. She wore a tight fitting dark blue suit that you had been struggling to stop yourself staring at ever since you had first seen it. Her hair was hanging loose at her shoulders and had become messy from the amount of times she had run her slim hand through it. That alone had your mind reeling of what other ways you could get it to look like that.

You had been lucky so far, everytime you stole a glance at the Captain and her attire she happened to be in convosation with someone else. Although that meant you two hadn't exchanged a single word that night.

Thankfully, you had soon learnt that half of the guests never actually noticed if you zoned out, perfectly content to continue rambling about themselves. While others could zone out themselves as they talked...while they stared at your chest and feuling your urge to smack them.

You were in a dress that you hadn't bought and were far from comfortable in around these people. A thin glass of champagne was clutched firmly in your hand and you predicted it would shatter by the end of the night. You had lost count of how many you had downed with your back turned, stopping once you felt lightheaded.

You had regretted it at first, but you became internally grateful you had saved your heightened senses when you felt a familiar hand rest on your lower back.

Training almost everyday with the blonde Captain had familiarised you with her firm grip and reassuring touch. It was the only kind of contact you had gotten from her until that moment and you treasured it greatly, praying Carol hadn't noticed your slight faulted at the knees.

"I'm afraid I'm going to have to steal this one." Carol stated in a very unafraid tone as her hand pressed into you more. You wanted to melt into her touch.

The man you had been not-really-listening to (because you could not for the life of you remember anyone's name) opened his mouth to speak and probably try to get Carol to stay, was ignored by the blonde who was already guiding you away with her hand.

Of course you didn't protest, throwing a party over it in your head while the butterflies in your stomach danced along to the music. You didn't even realise Carol was leading you to the bar, too focused on the fact her hand never left your back as she walked beside you without a word.

You did however, realise when you almost walked into the bar stall before gracefully (that's what you told yourself) sliding onto the stool. Carol sat down next to you and said something to the bartender you didn't hear or really care about.

When she did look back at you her gaze was piecing along with her usual confident aura. Anyone who pulled off a suit the way Carol did had every right to some arrogance, especially as it somehow made her even more attractive.

"I don't think I've ever seen you in a dress before." Carol said with a knowing smile.

"I don't think you'll be seeing me in one ever again." You respond as you glance anywhere but Carol, unable to hold her intense gaze.

"I'll have to treasure the memory even more then. You look beautiful." Carol compliments and watches you blush.

"You clean up pretty nicely yourself, Captain."

You don't fail to notice the way her jaw tightens slightly at the title, but she's quick to pass it off when the bartender places two bottles down on the counter.

You realise you're still holding your champagne so you put it on the side to swap it with small bottle of beer, already taking a sip to have something to do instead of figiting under Carol's gaze.

"I didn't need you to say it, you know? You undressing me with your eyes was telling enough." You choked slightly on your drink the moment those words left her lips, embarrassment shooting down every last butterfly in your stomach.

"I-I wasn't- it was an accident- I mean! I- um..." Carol watched you ramble with an amused grin and took a sip of her beer herself.

You could feel your cheeks heating up and your fight or flight instincts kicking in.

"I was enjoying the attention." Carol smirked as she moved closer to you so the faint smell of her expensive perfume overtook your senses.

You had been so sure the whole night that Carol hadn't noticed what you were doing. You thought you had gotten away with it all. Natasha's tips on concealing emotions and thoughts were clearly paying off on Carol more than you.

"And its not like it's the first time." Carol almost whispered as her voice dropped in a way that went straight to your core.

The Captain placed a gentle but firm hand on your bare knee as she studied you. Her brown eyes flickered across your face while your own y/e/c eyes stayed fixed on hers.

"Is this a test?" You whispered under your breath.

"Perhaps." She whispered back as her fingers stroked your bare skin slowly. "I'm sure I could test you some other ways though." Her hand was along your thigh now. You desperetly wanted to grab it and pull it up further but you had to remember you were in a room full of very important people.

Carol noticed you glance around the room and must have known what you were thinking because she smirked slightly before withdrawing her hand and standing up from the stall.

"Come." She ordered. You felt goosebumps across your whole body and hoped it wouldn't be the last time you heard her say that tonight.

You restrained yourself to waiting a few seconds before following Carol in the most subtle way you could manage when you wanted to sprint over to her side.

You weren't really aware of where Carol was leading you, but once you rounded the corner away from the party you sped up to close the distance between you both.

After rounding a few corners of the complicated hallway you realised you had lost sight of the Captain. Just as you were about to risk calling out her name a strong hand gripped your forearm and pulled you out of the corridor and into Carol's arms.

Her lips were on yours instantly. She had you backed into a wall before you could comprehend any of what was happened but her kiss was so eager you returned it without any thought.

The blonde's lips were unbelievably soft. They felt perfect against your own as you tried to match her pace.

Her hands were cupping your face with surprising gentleness so you wrapped your hands around her neck to pull her impossibly closer, accidently pulling on a few strands and earning a low groan from her.

She bit down on your lip harshly, making you moan audibly until you were muffled by her tongue invading your mouth.

You could taste the beer both of you had barely started and something else that was strikingly Carol. It was intoxicating and you didn't want it to end.

The friction Carol sparked when she pressed one of her muscular thighs between your bare legs was sinfully blissful. You moaned into Carol's mouth when you felt her very deliberately press against your heat and apply a teasing amount of pressure to your throbbing clit.

"Carol." You whispered her name like a chant. She smirked against you as she turned her attention to you jaw then neck, nipping and sucking at the skin exposed to her. You arched your neck to give her more access and felt your breathing become laboured.

This probably wasn't helped by Carol's hand on your bare thigh, gripping the skin in a much firmer way than she had at the bar and venturing further up.

Her hand disappeared beneath your dress in no time, massaging every inch of skin she came across.

You couldn't help it. Her warm lips, her strong hands and invasive thigh made you feel lightheaded and you couldn't stop your instincts of grinding yourself on Carol's thigh.

You desperatly sought more friction that your Captain's thigh could produce. What started as small rotations of your hips soon turned into full on desperate grinding. Your thin panties were soaked and clung to your skin, you were sure you were going to leave patches on Carol's expensive suit trousers but both of you were far from caring.

You could feel Carol continue to smirk into your neck with each mewl that left your lips. She grabbed your hands and pinned them against the wall above your head and that somehow made you needier.

The beautiful friction against your clit was one that had you moaning Carol's name continuously. It didn't take long for the familiar coil to tighten in your power abdomen and making your movements increasingly erratic.

You bucked against your Captain as you sought you sweet release only to have it pulled away from you.

Carol stepped away with a shit eating grin as she watched you struggle to hold yourself against the wall and give her a confused look.

"Why?" Was all you could manage, embarrassingly out of breath.

"Because I can." She smirked. "Did you want to cum, baby? Do you want to feel your release?"

"Please." You said shamelessly as you gave her a pleading look from your vulnerable position.

"Then be a good girl and bend over that desk for me."

You hadn't even noticed you were in an office, too busy trying to get yourself off on Carol's thigh than take in your surroundings. You didn't hesitate to place your hands on the far side of the desk and bend yourself over it so your ass was out for Carol. You glanced behind you to see Carol smirking as she took in your appearance in the new position.

She stalked towards you and placed a hand on the back of your thigh while the other pushed your back down further into the table. Her hand trailed up under your dress before she ran her fingers over the material covering your ass. Her movements were slow and teasing, trying to enhance your desperation to a place you wouldn't come back from that night.

Her slim fingers dipped beneath the waistband of your panties and gradually pulled them down, subsequently allowing her fingers to brush over your ass.

Once the thin material dropped to your feet Carol had you spread your legs for her as far as you could while she lifted your dress over your hips.

You guessed she really did like the dress.

Your pussy pulled around nothing as it was exposed to the cold air of the room and Carol's teasing fingers ghosting over your skin.

"Eyes front." She said as she stood back. It was hard to resist the urge to turn around and look when you could hear Carol undoing her belt buckle.

You had to bite your lip to suppress a moan when the blonde brushed the silicone against your folds. You were both shocked and aroused at the discovery that the Captain had been packing all night. You wanted her more at the thought that she had planned this.

You were snapped out of your thoughts when you felt two slim fingers against your lips. You opened your mouth to allow Carol to slip her fingers in and tried not to moan around them at the heated gesture.

You sucked eagerly on Carol's fingers in an attempt to please her and hope it would give you some preparation for the girthy strap. It wouldn't.

You were caught off guard again when Carol continued to push her fingers forward, further than you were expecting at first then more than you could take. You gagged around her fingers and heard a chuckle from your sadistic Captain.

"Good girl." She whispered against your ear before biting down softly.

You were so caught up in the praise you almost forgot about the strap until Carol nudged it between your lips. You tried to grip onto the table more as she slowly pushed the head into your soaking pussy and moaned around her fingers still tickling the back of your throat.

You were extremely unprepared to take something that size, but that only spurred Carol on more and added to your arousal that had your lower lips slick for the strap to ease into you.

Once Carol was half way she paused when you started breathing heavily through your nose as you continued to suck her fingers. But the break was short and without any warning, the Captain thrust the rest of the girthy toy into your cunt.

You moaned around her fingers and pressed your head further into the desk. Carol barely gave you a chance to adjust to the filling of being so full. You're reminded of her impatient nature when she pulls the silicone toy out to the hilt before snapping her hips back against you and causing the strap to burry itself deep inside you again.

You knew Carol was strong and you had seen her doing hip thrusts in the gym before, but you had never imagined the force she would be able to muster when slamming the fake cock into you over and over.

Carol eventually took her fingers away from your mouth and wiped your saliva along the side of your neck before gripping it in her hands, threatening to cut off your breathing and blood flow.

Her pace never faulted. It brought you an intense amount of pleasure everytime that had you stumbling over your words.

'Carol...please...it's- I...so good." Was all you were able to say.

Her name fell from your lips over and over as your cunt clenched around the invading toy. It never failed to hit the hilt of your pussy and brushes against your most pleasurable spot, every movement made it brush some incredible nerve.

You moaned louder as you tried to fuck yourself back on her strap. You were so close to your orgasm and it had already been set up to be the best fuck you ever had so you were so desperate to finally reach it.

"Are you gonna cum for your Captain?" Carol asked as her thighs continued to slap against your own.

"Yes Captain! Please...I'm gonna-"

"Cum for me." She husks as she brings you over the edge and flying through your orgasm. You completely slump against the desk and Carol fucks you through your high.

White blanks appear in your vision but you're too out of it to care.

You're moaning, almost screaming, in the pleasure that's overwhelming you and you don't realise how sensitive you are until Carol continues to pound the strap into you.

"Carol..." You whine at her perfect pace. She's still going so hard, so fast, and fuck she's so deep inside you.

The vigor of her first fucking already had your pussy overworked and sensitive, and yet you can't stop yourself from incoherently begging her not to stop.

"Please Captain! Don...don't stop...so good- so good!" You cry out as another orgasm crashes over you.

You're shuddering now but still swimming in pleasure. You can't stop yourself from bucking yourself back against her.

Carol holds your hips down firmly as she thrusts the strap into your overworked cunt. They're less coordinated this time, more about establishing the control Carol has over you.

You can't form any words this time. The only sounds in the room is Carol's thighs slapping against yours, your whorish moans and the thick strap fucking your leaking pussy. You were vaguely aware of the audible sounds of your pussy before you break into your third earth shattering orgasm.

You're completly limp against the desk and trying your best to breathe normally.

Your pussy is throbbing and pulsing around the strap that Carol very slowly eases out of you and leaves you feeling extremly empty and sore. You know you're gonna be feeling it the next day.

"I don't think I can stand." You finally muttered weakly, not trusting your legs to even attempt to let go of the desk beneath you.

"You don't need to. Get on your knees." Carol ordered from behind you. You shivered at her words and tried to take a moment to compose yourself but the blonde was apparently growing impatient...again.

She held your hips with an iron grip and flipped you onto your back to see her towering over you. You used your arms to help you into a sitting position on the edge of the table before falling down onto you knees infront of your Captain.

Your knees ached from landing on the hard floor but you were much more focused on the smirk playing on Carol's soft lips.

"So obedient, such a good girl for me." Carol cooed as she ran her fingers through your hair and pulled you towards her now strapless core. You could see her pink folds glistening in arousal and you wanted nothing more than to taste her.

"Use that pretty mouth of yours to make me cum, baby." Carol instructed.

You wasted no time. You licked an eager strip through the blonde's folds and moaned against her as you collected her wetness on your tongue. She was so sweet and you were instantly addicted.

You did this a few more times, pushing your tongue further between her folds everytime until you couldn't hold off anymore.

You gripped the back of Carol's thighs and sunk your tongue between her folds. The moan she gave in response made your stomach flip and swell with pride. It was like discovering a new song you wanted to listen to on repeat.

You retracted your tongue and began sucking softly on Carol's wet folds to taste as much of her wetness as your could. You then switched your attention to her throbbing clit and sucked it harshly into your mouth.

"Fuck so good! You've got such a good mouth." Carol praised continuously as you pulled out all of your tricks in hopes of pleasing her.

You kept alternating between fucking her with your tongue as deeply as you could to taking her neglected bud in your mouth. Your efforts soon paid off.

Carol grinded herself against your mouth as she cursed and praised you amongst moans. She was gripping your hair so tightly you couldn't help but moan into her, aiding her pleasure.

"I'm gonna cum, fuck!" She gasped out as you sucked as harshly as you could on her clit.

Her bundle of nerves pulsed in your mouth and you could feel her cunt clenching around nothing as she came with a cry of your name.

She sounded so good when she came. You wanted to hear it again, to see her. But once Carol had finished her high and you had lapped up every last bit of her white liquid she pushed you back gently.

She sat back on the dest as she regained her steady breathing and tapped her lap as she smiled at you.

You had just about enough strength mustered in your legs to allow you to stand up from your position and sit on Carol's lap.

She wrapped an arm around your waist and cupped your cheek with her hand to pull you in for a kiss. She smiled against you as she tasted herself on your lips and kissed you longingly.

"You were everything I dreamed you would be, baby. You did so good for me." You blushed under her praise and buried your head in the crook of her neck in exhaustion but mainly comfort.

Neither of you had any intentions to return to the party after that.

[toujoursmiraculous]

Thoughts and Reaction to Gang of Secrets!

I'm very late today at writing this because life ;-; You know it's a bigger episode when they start off with a problem. Ladybug doesn't want to detransform so she's desperate to find reasons to remain Ladybug. I love how the entire time, Chat Noir knows something's wrong and wants to get her to talk about what it is, but she just tries to pretend she's fine. If anything, Chat Noir would probably be the best person to talk to considering everything he's dealt with too both with Kagami and his responsibility as Chat! She could mention that she was seeing someone but they broke up because of her secret, and she could tell him how much being the Guardian's having an affect on her. All perfectly well and good without exposing any identities or things like that with questions for details asked. Instead she puts up a front with him and pretends she's okay in front of him and it's just so sad. :/ I understand why she doesn't, probably because she doesn't want him to know how much she's struggling. But ugh my heart hurts for her. Chat: I know where we can go where we won't have to talk! Ladybug: Yes, take me there Chat! *in the theater* Ladybug: You lead me into a trap. I MEAN HE'S NOT WRONG THOUGH! Not many places you can go where it's okay or encouraged to not talk without there being an awkward silence. But that cracked me UP. Also that casual attempt to wrap his arm around her lolol still hasn't give up, I see. I also find it simultaneously hilarious and extremely depressing that Ladybug's ranting like that in the theater because of a romance movie. When your heart is broken, that's probably the last thing you want to be doing. And Chat Noir yanking her down asking that she be quiet 😂 Literally just rants her entire love life out for everyone including Chat to hear in that theater. CHAT NOIR, YOU BETTER BE LISTENING BECAUSE SHE'S TALKING ABOUT ADRIEN HERE "She takes a long time to tell him and stutters and blah blah blah" lol sound familiar, sunshine? If anything please have him recall this later and be like, wait, didn't Ladybug say girls stutter around a guy when she likes him? BAM. Then he's off on his path towards Marinette. I can dream. Ladybug: And how do you know if he loves her? IMPOSSIBLE. Adrien: No, Marinette couldn't possibly be in love with me. *eyetwitch* But at the end of the day. This is Marinette ranting to Adrien about how she had to give up on Adrien and then couldn't make things work with Luka because of her secret. Ooof. And poor Chat having to apologize for everyone because Ladybug's disturbing them XDD THE GIRL SAVES EVERYBODY'S LIVES PRACTICALLY EVERY DAY AND THEY'RE PISSED SHE'S RUINING A MOVIE THEY CAN JUST REWATCH? 😂 She's clearly having a hard time right now, c'mon people! Chat can tell she has a broken heart. This boy is so sweet. He wants her to at least admit that and talk about it so she can feel better but you know, Ladybug's stubborn. I WANT TO GO SWIMMING LET'S GO SWIMMING CHAT, WOO HOOOOOO! Ladybug acting like Chat to hide her pain just like how Chat acts like Chat to hide his pain. YOU KNOW WHAT, IT'S FINE. :') It doesn't matter how much pain she's dealing with, those pictures mean too much to her to remove them. x3 Thanks Juleka for showing us how sad Luka is now, that's very helpful. Marinette's been going into the bathroom at school to cry, and then had planned stupid looking glasses to hide her tears so people wouldn't have to know she's cried because wearing a ridiculous pair of glasses that's embarrassing is better than being asked what's wrong. Because the pain I feel for her wasn't already enough. Ugh I adore Trixx. Trixx being the voice of reason when Tikki's not there, trying to help and letting her know that Tikki may need to rest too when she's so upset it doesn't cross her mind. And the tears in her eyes when she apologizes to Tikki for not thinking of her like she should. ;-; SO MUCH PAIN. OH DANG Alya was literally a second away from seeing a detransforming Marinette lol But she did say DETRANSFORMATION or well in the English dub it'll be "Spots

off" I love Rose, she's really sweet. and considerate But she also shouldn't be touching things in others rooms like that. I never liked it when my friends went around my room touching stuff. Also didn't help that a couple of them stole from me... but it's just not a cool thing to do. Would've probably ended up much better had she not had to desperately hide an exposed Miracle Box. But then we wouldn't have had what happens so it's all good c: Marinette saying she doesn't want to be friends with the girls anymore

It hit Alya deep. Everyone else is like *le gasp* but her eyes all shrunken like that, you can tell it really got to her hard.

This entire exchange right here. Alya's glance at her in the first picture is piercing, like I can feel that OOF feeling in my chest when I see it. The new music dramatizes it so well that a lot of people probably didn't pay attention to it the first time around. Can we just appreciate how these animators got all these emotions so right and did such a good job animating everything for us? And those that work on the music too? Everything's so spot on. Marinette's red-rimmed eyes is so well done. "No, it can't end like this!" Awww Alix getting super upset too x3 I honestly think Alix could be the next one.... you know what I mean BUT I'll wait until the end to talk about it. Trixx pulling a Plagg and rescuing Marinette! x3 I seriously love Trixx, I really do. I know the other Kwami's got mad, but if he hadn't done that it would've been disaster, probably. And the episode wouldn't have ended how it did! And Plagg knowing it was Trixx who caused the Eiffel Tower to be all weird xD Why do I get the feeling the relationship between Trixx and Plagg would be like that of Chat Noir and Rena Rouge? And I want to point out, we got 7 whole seconds of Adrien again! Aren't we lucky? The last time we got so little of Adrien in an episode was when we had his parallel episode Lies. I don't think that'll happen this time but I do hope it means more Adrien later on. Ladybug: They're after Marinette Dupain-Cheng. Chat Noir: Okay but remember everybody likes her (so don't go thinking she's a bad person for causing their akumatizations) Yes, I read between the lines. Ladybug being able to get through to Lady Wifi and have her deakumatize herself was absolutely amazing! I know Chloe was the first to fight off being akumatized but once you're akumatized it's obviously extremely hard to break. That says a lot about Alya. "Because you're an incredible friend, Ladybug." One, AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW Two, did you notice the little jerk of her head, gesturing to Ladybug like that when she said it?? It's the little details guys that make this so good. 😍 "Chat Noir, nooooo!" Guys, we got our tiny little Marichat scene! It's not actually real, but still! (okay but why do I also get this really weird feeling like something like this may end up being real later?) Alya giving Ladybug that hug 😭 Marinette has such good, supportive friends. I love them all. x.x YES THANK YOU. Alya's finally realizing there are more things going on with her than just boys. One of the things that's always irked me since Chameleon is that any issue Marinette has, be it with Lila or otherwise, she always assumes it has to do with Adrien. Of course, at the time she didn't know she was Ladybug but she should've still listened and realized there's something else up. But now she finally is noticing and I love how she was going to respect her regardless and not push. Pushing has always been one of Alya's characteristics, but she knew whatever it was was something too big and serious to push her on. "Marinette, I'm your best friend, and I always will be." 😭😭😭 This episode brought me so close to tears so many times. Marinette admitting she's keeping secrets, lying to everyone. Admitting that that's why she draws a line between her and Adrien, and why her and Luka didn't work out. Alya saying however heavy it is, they'll carry it together (MY HEART) And then Marinette saying "If I tell you, things between us will never be the same. It's going to destroy everything, change it all." It sounds like this girl is thinking about Chat Blanc and oop there's the sound of my heart breaking again. So much paaaain. "Je suis Ladybug." YESSSSSSS Why they had to leave it off on a cliffhanger But YESSSSSSS First, the expressions she had flash on her face, the gasp 😮, then the expression like she's trying to get her mind to process. Then if you notice, Marinette gives a little nod, as if letting her know that it's true. Then the way her eyebrows furrow and pulls her into the hug as she understands all that she has on her shoulders as that music plays. I'm getting

emotional just writing this. 😭 This episode is just so amazingly good in so many ways, I don't think I can actually cover it all. I'm very impressed. I've loved nearly every episode this show has put out, even those that a lot of people seem to hate. But this one, I don't see how this could actually be hated if you're trying to think of everything that happened from Marinette's point of view, her thoughts, feelings, struggles, depression. I will say, personally I hoped Chat Noir would learn who Ladybug is first. He's been such a good partner, very thoughtful, always putting his life on the line. He's also been dealing with a lot of the same struggles. I felt like he deserved to know first. However, this isn't about who deserves what, it's about what Marinette needs. It's not that she doesn't want to tell him who she is! Don't misunderstand. There are many times throughout the past 3 seasons where she wants to or regrets not being able to. But now, Chat Blanc's in her mind. She knows what could happen if she tells him with Hawk Moth still there, so she can't do it. So instead, she tries to pretend in front of him that she's fine even though talking to him about everything would help and fix so much. In her mind, that's not an option. I just hope that when he finds out she told someone else first, he doesn't think that she doesn't trust him enough to tell him. Next I thought maybe Alix. That way it'd be more understandable to Chat that she'd know, after all future Bunnyx clearly knows and said to Ladybug that she chose her because she's capable of keeping secrets (notice how Alya said that to Ladybug in the alley? I bet Alix will find out in the near future. Maybe not this season, but she'll find out.) But that's for another time. But now Alya knows! Her best friend, the one to have her back and will no doubt have it even more so now! Watch out, Lila. Alya doesn't hold back so I can imagine how vicious she could be to her (and I can't wait). And that brings up a very interesting thought. Alya will realize Adrien has been the only one to have her back in Lila situations. Why would he do that, hmm? When everyone else was so sure Lila's an angel and Marinette must be bad for saying anything negative about her. Journalist Alya, incoming! There's also the matters of Alya bringing up Marinette's feelings for Chat Noir because duh, everybody can see how much she loves him! There are even photos of them kissing, one of which happened in front of Alya's own eyes! Though affected by an akuma, they all know that kiss didn't happen because of it. And of course, Alya has brought up twice in the show so far that Adrien and Chat Noir could be the same person. And last time Alya said that neither of them could be Ladybug and Chat Noir. Except, she's now found out that Marinette is Ladybug. So maybe Adrien could after all be Chat Noir. I look forward to seeing how their new dynamic is. I wonder how this affects their relationship with the other girls. And I'm most curious about how Nino and Adrien may react to this change. I thought during Truth and Lies both that their best friends were going to find out about their breakups. Gang of Secrets was Alya finding out. Even though I feel like another parallel episode is just wishful thinking, I can't help but think it may be a possibility. Nino and the boys are going to wonder what's up with Adrien too. They're going to wonder why he's not with Kagami anymore so suddenly. So what if i the end, Chat Noir ends up telling Nino? I could see it, if this takes place shortly after Gang of Secrets, where she tells Chat that she's confided her identity in a very close friend and somehow they agree that he can tell someone too that he trusts to make it fair. It'd be an amazing way to exercise Ladybug's trust in Chat Noir too. Then we'd have both Alya and Nino in on it, keeping their best friend's secrets for them without knowing about the other one. Oh that'd be so beautiful! And also let them keep their Miraculouses too after the charms are given to them and Alya has the ability to break

free after being akumatized. I adore Rena and Carapace so much I'd be ecstatic if they kept them. 😭 Anyway, so much potential can come out of this episode and I honestly cannot wait until episode 4!!

[majesticbrownjawn]

Halloween

This is a throwback and may be the first Erik-ish fic I wrote more than two years ago. 

Reader (like me), isn’t a fan of Halloween, her boyfriend tries to change her outlook. 

NSFW, boo.

I hate Halloween; you thought to yourself angrily as you woke up on the morning of October 31. 

You had a bad experience when you were younger and had been scarred ever since. Your boyfriend Jason loved it, though, especially after Black folks decided we'd make Halloween all about the culture. He was excited about his costume but refused to share what it was. He said it was a surprise and would make you have a heart change about Halloween. You doubt that highly. One of his best friends threw a big party every year, so you were headed there tonight. 

Thankfully it was Saturday, and you didn't have to rush to get yourself together after work. You wanted to have lunch with Jason because you knew even though you'd be at the party together tonight, he'd be too excited to pay you much attention.

————

"Hey babe, you wanna grab some lunch with me?"

"Aww, I'd love to, but I have to put some final touches on my costume."

"Really?! I haven't seen you all week Jason," you whined. 

"I know, baby, but I gotta finish this. I promise I'll make it up to you tonight."

"Ok, fine," you said, disappointed, and hung up. 

You waited until the last minute to decide what to be for Halloween because you and your boyfriend usually coordinated what you'd wear, but because he was being so extra this year and didn't want you to know who he was going as, you had to figure things out on your own. By the time you made it to the Halloween store, the only thing left in your size was the cliche slutty French maid costume. You bought it without trying it on and went on with your day. You were out later than anticipated, so you had to get home and get ready quickly. As you were putting on makeup, you heard your phone buzz. It was a text from Jason. 

Hey baby, I'm running behind, so I won't be able to pick you up. I'm sorry. Text me when you're ready to leave, and I'll have an Uber pick you up and bring you. 

He was really annoying you today. 

You arrived to the party about an hour later and was surprised to see the mansion was already packed with people. You picked up your phone to call Jason but saw that you didn't have service. You walked around for a while, observing the detail in the partygoers’ costumes. A blue Avatar and headless horseman caught your eye and impressed you. After looking for Jason for much longer than anticipated, you decided to stop at one of the bars to get a drink. As you stood in the line, a rough tug at your hips and warm breath on the back of your neck startled you. 

"What the fuck are you wearing?!" A deep voice said. 

The slutty French maid costume lived up to its name. Your full breasts were spilling out of the top and the dress barely covered your ass. You added fishnet stockings to cover your deliciously thick thighs and to add to the overall hoe factor. You rarely wore heels, but tonight you decided on a  pair of clear, stacked, 5” sandals. You knew Jason wouldn't like your body on display at the party, but he would just have to get over it tonight. He was lucky you’d even showed up. 

The voice in your ear sounded familiar. You jerked away and looked at the man from the ground up. He wore combat boots, a pair of camo pants that hugged him in all the right places, a vest with metal breastplates, and a thin shirt that hugged his muscular arms perfectly. His hair was cut low all over, except for in the middle, where he had short dreads that sprung up and away from his head wildly. Two of his lower teeth were dipped in gold. The look in his eyes was one of pent up anger and rage. 

Jason had transformed himself into your own personal Erik “Killmonger” Stevens. 

"Jason?" You were surprised at how much he actually looked like Killmonger. He knew you had a not-so-secret thing for him, which is probably why he was so confident you'd love his costume this year. People frequently stopped Jason to tell him he resembled the fine ass actor who played your fictitious, homicidal movie boyfriend, but you never saw it--until tonight. He'd been growing his hair out since the summer, and you hated it so much that you barely let him touch you. You told him he could get some cut when he cut his hair, but he refused to, so you’d been finding other ways to get what you needed the last few months. 

"Answer my question. Who gave you permission to come out dressed like a slut tonight?" 

"OK, Jason, this is cute, but you not gon' talk to me like that."

You turned to walk away, but he grabbed your wrist so tight that your body involuntarily stepped back towards him to ease the pressure on your arm. 

"Where do you think you're going?"

You realized at that moment he wanted you to play along, so for the sake of your wrist and his fun, you went along with it. 

"Nowhere Killmonger. I'm all yours," you smirked at him. 

He grinned devilishly and replied, "You better be. And you can call me Erik."

He grabbed a bottle from behind the bar and instructed you to follow him until you reached a pair of plush couches in the atrium of the mansion. People were all around, dressed in costumes, seemingly entranced by the music and the free-flowing alcohol. 

"Drink," he demanded. 

He started to pour liquor in your mouth before you could respond. 

"Wait!" Alcohol was all over your lips and chin and quickly trailing down your to your breasts. 

He quickly sucked it off your neck and licked the top of your tits in plain sight. 

"What are you doing, Jason?" You were angry and turned on at the same time. 

"You got one more time to call me by another nigga's name. You understand me?"

You nodded your head and squirmed a little, realizing how wet you were. 

"Now drink up. I want you loose tonight."

Erik wanted to dance, so you joined the crowd on the floor. His camo pants were thick, but you could feel how excited he was to be grinding behind you. In character or not, he hadn't touched you like this in months. As your bodies moved together to the music, one of his hands crept up your waist and palmed your breast. You loved the way his hands felt on you. He turned you around to face him and gave you the nastiest, sexiest kiss you’d ever experienced. He was really in character and you loved it. 

After grinding on each other a while longer, he whispered in your ear, "I'm ready to fuck you."

Your eyes bulged out from your head and the tingling in your pussy that had been happening since you laid eyes on him tonight intensified. You were ready to fuck too. 

"Go upstairs into the second door and take off everything. NOW." He dismissed you, confident you’d obey his order. 

You trailed up the stairs and waited for him. 

"The fuck you still got clothes on for?!" Your boyfriend was always firm, knowing how to lovingly put you in your place when I needed to be checked. But the tone he used tonight was different. It almost made you afraid of him.

"I'm going to teach you how to listen today. Bend over." You looked at him with questioning eyes to see if he was serious. 

"Bend the fuck over," he repeated. You leaned onto the bed in front of you, ass straight up, listening like a good girl. He ran his hand down your ass before giving it a firm smack. 

"When I tell you to do something, I mean that shit." You could hear the lust-filled anger in his voice. 

You flinched in pain, but your mouth let out a needy moan, encouraging him to continue. He hit your jiggling backside again just before you heard the sound of your fishnet stockings ripping, leaving your ass fully exposed, save the thong you wore. You felt the string being pulled away from your center and onto your ass cheek. 

His fingers circled your clit from behind, making you arch your back, pushing your pussy deep onto his fingers. You wanted them inside. You were so wet, and they’d slipped in a few times already. 

"Not yet, baby," he growled. He replaced his fingers with his mouth. 

He gave you a good tongue lashing from behind and licked up your slit towards your ass. He slowed down as he made his way upwards, and you tensed up, knowing where he was headed. Your boyfriend loved your body and gave all of himself to you when you had sex. He was attentive and genuinely desired to pleasure every part of your body, but you were never comfortable with him pleasing that part of you. It was still so taboo. Would it even feel good? With him thinking he was Killmonger tonight if he tried, would you be able to stop him? Would you want to stop him? 

As his tongue reached that small region of flesh between your pussy and your other hole, your reflexes caused you to reach one of your hands back, trying to swat him away. 

"Wait, Jas-Erik, whoever the fuck you are." 

That was the worst thing you could have done. He grabbed the arm that tried to push him away and held it on top of your back with his hand, leaving you to balance all of your weight onto the single arm below you. His other hand firmly gripped your upper thigh and pulled you closer to his face. 

"Ahhhhh, Erik." You were gone at the first stoke of his tongue in your no longer forbidden area.

He ate you mercilessly, giving you a pleasure you'd never experienced before. Your arm gave out on you, and you finally just planted your face into the bed. Your ass never moved, though; you were enjoying his tongue too much. He released your arm. The noises you were making was assurance you wouldn't try and stop him again. Your eyes rolled back in slow motion when he opened your pussy with his fingers pushing them deep into you and twisting them as he moved in and out of you, mouth still teasing your ass. 

"Oh my gosh, Jason. Fuck!"

"What you just call me?" His words vibrated against your hole, sending a shiver up your spine. He smacked your ass hard. "What's my name?" 

Smack. 

Your body shuddered, but you didn't answer. 

"Hmm?" He struck you again and laughed. 

"Erik," I whispered. His fingers moved to your clit, sending shockwaves through your body, making your pussy jump from the inside. 

"Louder," he demanded. 

"MmmmErik!" Unintelligible sounds left your mouth as he stroked your clit and ate you from behind. Your climax overtook you, pushing the balls of your feet deep into the soft carpet and making your toes point back up towards the bed. Your body went stiff before going completely limp. You flopped stomach-first onto the bed below you. 

He leaned over you on the bed and whispered, "We ain't done yet, turn over." 

You lazily rolled over on your back as he carefully took off his costume. You watched his beautiful body in awe when he removed his shirt and revealed dozens of scars across his chest and abdomen. He was committed to this costume. 

You were on autopilot and didn't realize you were pleasuring yourself until he growled, "That's a good girl, keep that kitty wet for me." 

Your fingers continued massaging your pussy as he stood over you, stroking his dick and chewing his bottom lip. "You look so good, baby, rubbing your clit like that, but I thought I told you to take your clothes off." He reached down and snatched the top of your dress open, making your breasts spill out and sending buttons flying across the room. 

"Yeah, that's better. Now play with them juicy ass titties." You stuck your fingers in your mouth, trying to get them as wet as possible before moving them in circles around your deep brown nipples. His dick slid up and down your slit as you continued giving special attention to your sensitive breasts. 

Finally, he entered you with a loud grunt, spreading your walls with his healthy girth. You inched up the bed a little trying to adjust to him; it had been a little while. 

"Uhun, where you going? Ain't no escaping this dick tonight." He cupped his hands under your thighs and lifted your ass off the bed, pushing himself further inside, using your legs to pull you up and down his juicy dick. 

"Fuck, fuck, fuck, Erik." 

"Feels better now?" 

"Yes, baby, yes," you whimpered. He twisted in and out of you, pausing every few strokes to stop and lick your clit before entering you again. His pace sped up as he looked down on you with dark eyes. 

"Ahhhh got damn, girl. This pussy so fucking wet." He inhaled deeply like it was going to keep his nut from coming too soon. 

"Of course it is, daddy. You keep tapping my spot," you moaned. He shifted his hips a little, hitting it straight on. 

"Where is it?"

"It's right there. Don't stop, right there, please!" Your fingers gripped the sheets below you as you came hard around him. He rubbed your clit midway through your orgasm, intensifying and extending your high. He came inside you heavy before falling to your side, breathing deeply as you traced your fingers along the raised scars on his chest. 

"So, you like my costume?" Your boyfriend was back. 

"It was aight." He raised an eyebrow at you. 

"I can give you another spanking if my performance wasn't convincing enough." 

"No baby, my ass hurts. But I have a question. You think Killmonger cuddles after sex?"

"Fuck no!" He yelled. "I do, though."

He wrapped his arms around you, placing kisses in the crook of your neck. 

You couldn’t stop grinning as you laid there in his arms. The experience with him tonight was overwhelming. It felt like you fucked someone else. 

You fucked Killmonger. 

-----

Tags:

My list is jacked, if you don’t want to be tagged, inbox me. If you’d liked to be tagged in the future, just comment and let me know. Thanks for reading!

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[astro-rain]

delicate; b.barnes

chapter four - mri’s & other modern commodities

delicate masterlist

word count: 1.8k

synopsis: bucky faces his first day of treatment, and discovers some new things along the way: some scary, some awesome, some maybe slightly embarassing.

pairings: bucky barnes x fem!reader

[A/N]: not my gif

When he woke up, he scanned his room, making sure everything was the same as how he left it the night before. Making sure no one came in while he was asleep and poisoned his brain. Making sure he was waking up in his living quarters in Wakanda and not a damp cell in some secret Hydra base. It was just something he did now.

Some may call it paranoia, others may call it adaptation. Either way, once he stepped outside and made sure he was alone, he allowed himself to take a breath.

Today was the day, the first day of official treatment. He had no idea what to expect; he was just hoping to high heavens that it would end up working. Freedom. That's all he wanted. Liberation from the chains Hydra had had around him since he fell from the train all those years ago.

He was apprehensive for sure, but he tried his best to keep himself optimistic. Bucky was sure that Shuri was smarter than any Hydra scientist he once came in contact with. So, if they can tear apart his mind, perhaps she can put it back together. Right?

Her in addition to (Y/N). That psychologist woman. He had spoken to her the day before at the lake. She was funny, and she seemed decently easy to talk to. That's a good sign, he guessed. She told him that she hadn't minded relocating to assist in his treatment, but he honestly couldn't make out her true feelings. She was rather hard to read. Perhaps it was a psychologist thing; he tried not to look too far into it.

He waited outside his door until two Wakandans came to escort him to Shuri. Bucky noticed they were armed. Guards. He wasn't surprised nor did he blame them. However, that didn't make it any easier to trust. He hadn't had that luxuy in a very long time. The former assassin fought against the voice in the back of his head telling him to analyze their every move in order to ensure that he wasn't in any danger. That any minute they weren't going to strap him down and rip his brain apart the way it had been so many times before. So many times. He gave the slightest wince at the thought. His brain suddenly felt prickly, painful memories creeping up on him.

Not now, don't think about it.

Sometimes, if he fixated on the thoughts for too long, he would drive himself to this panicked state of fear and constriction. He wasn't sure exactly what this thing was. All he knew was that these things - these episodes - were extremely unpleasant, and utterly unnecessary at the moment.

He shook his head (somehow hoping that this would rid him of the prickly memories like a dog shaking off water), strands of long brown hair swaying quickly in front of his eyes, and fixed his gaze to the floor.

Floor. Floor. Floor. Floor. Just the floor. The floor. The floor. The floor-

"Sergeant Barnes!" Shuri welcomed him happily.

Oh. He was in the lab now. He let out a breath he didn't realize he was holding. Let's do this.

"Good morning," he smiled, "and just Bucky's okay."

"Of course, of course. This is my lab! Best place in Wakanda in my humble opinion. Today's only the first day of treatment, so nothing too intensive. But, we will be working all the same!"

He glanced around the lab. The guards were at the doorway and they didn't look like they were leaving anytime soon. Again, he wasn't surprised. Moreover, sitting at a table a few feet from Shuri, was a familiar face. This familiar face soon met his gaze.

"Hi, Bucky" (Y/N) greeted, offering a polite smile. "See! I remembered this time."

Bucky grinned. "Are you still (Y/N), or is it Dr. (Y/L/N) since we're in the lab now?"

"I'm always (Y/N)."

"I don't know, if I went to school for as long as you did, I'd make everyone call me Doctor," Shuri added.

(Y/N) laughed. "Well, if you want to call me Doctor you're more than welcome, Shuri."

"That's the spirit, Doc," she declared before turning to Bucky. "Now, follow me and we'll get a quick MRI done."

"A what?" He quickly caught up to Shuri who already started walking away.

"An MRI. It stands for magnetic resonance imaging. Basically, scanners use strong magnetic fields, magnetic field gradients, and radio waves to generate images of the organs in the body."*

Yes, very basic.

(Y/N) leaned over to Bucky, explaining softly, "It's used to form pictures of the anatomy and the physiological processes of the body."**

"Oh."

"You just lay down and it scans you. Y'don't even feel anything."

"Thats... not too bad, I guess."

"It's a bit of a tight fit though, so I hope you're aren't claustrophobic."

Bucky rubbed the back of his neck. "Well, after cryo, I doubt tight spaces will be too much of a bother for me."

"Right," said (Y/N), "but it's still decently in your personal space. Just so you know - so there's no surprises."

He nodded. They didn't say anything until Shuri stopped short in front of them. She stood a couple feet from a shiny metal table which was lined up in front of an equally shiny and metallic semi-cricle arch. It was long enough to fit - well, would you look at that - a body.

"Oh. I guess there is a surprise," (Y/N) blurted, turning to Shuri, confused. "That isn't like any MRI machine I've ever seen."

"That's because you're in Wakanda," Shuri flashed a proud smile. "Tech's a bit... advanced here."

(Y/N) turned to Bucky. He thought he saw something resembling self consciousness flow across her features, but he wasn't sure.

"Sorry, I guess I was wrong. But, honestly this is way better than a typical MRI set up. It's much more open... and wide. Regularly, it would be like a super narrow tube with hardly any space inside. This way, you'll even be able to see us and the rest of the room."

That's good. More space. More freedom. And he'll be able to see her- them, see them.

Shuri clapped. "Alright! Shall we get started then?"

He had no idea how any of this worked; he was way out of his element here. He just barely learned what a damn MRI was, and had to hide his shock when he found out. Medicine has changed dramatically since 1945. Although it is helpful, he is completely clueless. Great.

"Do I jus-just lay on the table?" He asked, unsure.

"Yep! Just lie there and be absolutely still, and I'll do the rest," Shuri replied, reassuringly as she walked around to a control panel next to the machine, preparing to start.

Bucky took his place on the thin metal table, and he thought he was seeing things. Was it was levitating? Honestly, from what he's seen so far he wouldn't even be surprised. He stared up at the ceiling, getting lost in thought. A string of various questions and uncertainties fluttered through his battered mind.

Would the metal arm interfere with the magnet- oh. Right. No arm. Just a scan, no need to worry. (Y/N) said it would be fine. Can I even trust her Then again, can I even trust anyone yet? She's the best I got right now. Damn it, I wish I wasn't so wary of everyone.

"Hey," a gentle voice pulled him out.

He looked over to the left of him, the side with no arm. (Y/N).

"I can practically hear your brain whirring around right now - which is justified - but do you need anything?"

'Do you need anything?' He hadn't heard that phrase in a while.

He adjusted his body on the table. "I'm alright, just... a bit out of my element here."

She nodded, knowingly. "Honestly, me too. This lab looks like somethin' out of a sci-fi movie for me, so I can't imagine what it must feel like to you."

She was looking down at him. He felt vulnerable, exposed. It seemed like she noticed.

"Here, I have an idea."

With that, she turned and grabbed something from a nearby table. Rotating around to face him again, she displayed what she had taken: a pair of headphones... but without a wire? What the hell?

"Are they broken?" he asked, feeling perpetually confused.

"No, they're wirelessly connected to my phone. It's called bluetooth."

The look on his face was almost laughable.

"Bluetooth? What kind of name is Bluetooth?"

"The kind of name that I didn't invent nor should I be blamed for," she chuckled. "Do you want to listen to music while you're in there? It might help to keep you down on Earth with us."

Music. The thought was almost surreal. He hadn't been privileged with such a pleasure in longer than he'd care to admit. It actually seemed... nice.

"Y-yeah," he said, pondering. "That'd actually be nice."

"Awesome."

She leaned over him to put the headphones on his ears, causing him a very conflicting series of emotions.

First of all, close. She was very close to his face. His face, his eyes, his nose, his lips. It almost seemed a tad bit intimate. And then he realized he hadn't been this close to a woman in forever. A real woman, not some fellow assassin he had to take out. He hoped the shy embarrassment he felt didn't show on his cheeks.

Second of all, she was wrapping something around his head, his brain. He tried not to, but he couldn't stop the muscle memory of what he'd been conditioned to feel. Hydra's machine would wrap around his head and rip his psyche apart. His mind expected pain, the worst pain, the dehumanizing, out of body, mind splitting pain. He hoped the way he flinched ever so slightly didn't offend (Y/N).

She didn't seem offended, and her voice was soft. "You're good. Just music and a scan. Then you're done."

He looked up at her face, reassuring and calm. He took a deep breath.

"Good?" she asked.

He nodded. "Think so."

"If it's too much at any point just let us know, and we'll pull you right out. It's your comfort level, your choice."

His choice. Choice. Control. The prospect gave him comfort.

She gave him one last look before stepping away and signaling Shuri to start the machine. The seemingly levitating table began a smooth descent into the machine when the music started playing. It almost startled him, but he then he was pleasantly surprised by what he heard.

There were loud drums, guitar riffs with attitude, and voices that had so much emotion they were almost screaming. It was like no music he had ever heard before, and he loved it. In fact, he was so into it that he didn't even notice when the MRI had finished. That is, until he felt a feather light hand on his shoulder. His eyes opened, and (Y/N) had the biggest grin on her face. While taking the headphones off of him, she looked very pleased with herself.

She looked at Shuri but declared to no one in particular, "Bucky likes Rock and Roll!"

- - -

* = from wikipedia

** = from wikipedia

[tiny-slasher]

Billy Lenz x Reader | Coffee Shop AU | Part 2

(Mild blood tw)

The lights were beginning to worsen the never-ending headache Billy always seemed to have. They were too bright- and if the loud music blasting in his ears wasn't bad enough, the crowd of people loudly conversing sure was. Overly loud noises never managed to drown out the bad thoughts from Billy's mind...it just made them yell louder.

"Sorry, your drink is almost finished!"

Billy just glared at them, even folding his arms to make a point. Nearly ten whole minutes of his life wasted on waiting for a drink he probably wouldn't even enjoy. He prided himself in being able to brew quality beverages, even if his customers didn't have enough tastebuds to appreciate them. There was no way this...person could possibly outdo him. Their customers probably only came for the horrible music, and loud laughter of others. Overrated, and extremely irritating.

"Here you go! One latte," they said, giving Billy that smile. "Sorry, it's a lot busier here today than usual. You picked a heck of a day to come visit!"

"S'fine," Billy said, grabbing his to-go cup and giving them a wide and plastic smile.

"You okay? You look a little pale..."

"...S'loud."

They nodded in reply, wringing their hands a bit guiltily. As Billy sipped on his latte (which was disgusting), they leaned over the counter and gave him a kind smile.

"I was going to close up early today anyway, if you still feel like sticking around?"

Stick around? In this nightmare?? Who the hell did they think they were-

"Okay."

Fuck.

They had the nerve to wink at him as they went back to work. It made Billy want to vomit. If it weren't for the small child picking out a cookie not five from him, he would have, if only to see the look on their face - see if they winked and gave him that sickening smile after that! As it was, they would steal glances in his direction every so often, oblivious to the compulsions running through Billy's thoughts, and itching at his fingertips.

They should be thankful he had recently started working on that in therapy, otherwise they'd have been in a real mess. Literally.

Billy tapped his foot, watching the way the faux leather of his boot shone in the harsh lights above him, too dull to reflect the scowl on his face. Despite the atmosphere, Billy felt himself less bothered by the ordeal than he'd expected.

That was beginning to change with the increasingly loud complaints from the child near him.

"I don't want- I want the cookie! Mama, please- are you listening? I don't want a muffin! MAMA!"

Billy slammed his drink onto the counter before his fist, now clenched from annoyance, could crush the cup. As it was, some of his latte splashed out and hit him on the back of the hand.

"Take these again, for to the noble mind. Rich gifts wax poor when givers prove unkind," Billy mumbled, clenching his jaw.

He felt them turn to look at him, and he wondered if they had actually heard him over the loud, obnoxiously generic jazz music blasting throughout the room. He couldn't bring himself to look at them, knowing it would only overwhelm him to do so. Still, the hairs on his neck stood up as he continued to ramble, trying to drown out everything and regain some composure.

Slowly, he felt his heart rate slow, and his nerves calm. He managed to relax his hands enough to stretch out his fingers, sighing at the feeling of his joints releasing. He straightened his back, took in a deep breath, and-

His leg nearly gave out as the whining kid shoved themself into his side, completely ignoring him and continuing to complain about their mother's choice of muffin. Billy's hands gripped the counter as he nearly fell to the ground, and narrowly avoided splashing scalding hot coffee all over himself and the child beside him. The kid glanced in his direction once, but then continued to pay him no mind - clearly focused on getting the dessert he wanted, instead of apologizing.

There was a loud ringing in Billy's ears as he grit his teeth and clenched his fists, angry and humiliated at not only being knocked over, but being ignored. Not even the kid's mother paid any mind to him, or apologized on their behalf.

Only harsh pants of breath escaped his lips as he tried to regain self control. His fingernails dug into the palms of his hands, no doubt leaving welts behind. He shook so hard he couldn't see clearly.

"She s-speaks mu-much of her f-father. S-says s-she...hears..."

Billy could no longer feel his fingers, or his toes. His heart felt as if it had stopped beating, and was simply sitting outside of his body. He felt a pressure around his waist, and visually he could tell that he was moving, but all he could focus on was the ringing. It sounded similar to an old rotary phone...

Brrrrrring! Brrrrrrring!

His vision grew dark for a moment, before white lights fulled the area. He could see a shape in front of him that seemed so familiar...

Brrrrrrring!

It was a person...he knew this person...but...

Brrrrrrrring!

HE COULDN'T THINK OVER ALL THE RACKET. SHUT UP. SHUT UP. SHUT UPSHUTUPSHUTUP-

"Billy?"

He heard his name whisper through the noise. He could feel a pressure over his hands, gentle but grounding. He felt the way his lungs expanded as he breathed a bit too quickly, and as his heart raced in his chest. The shape in front of him cleared a bit as his shaking subsided, revealing a pair of concerned eyes staring back at him.

"Billy? Are you alright?"

Blinking once, Billy took in his surroundings. He was sitting in a chair in what he assumed was a back room, filled with boxes of unopened coffee grounds, and unused to-go cups. Rectangular ceiling lights burned into his eyes as he stared directly into them. He saw the carcass of a bug lying in the cover of one, wondering how long it had been there. It was some sort of beetle...

He turned back to them.

Suddenly, everything came rushing back to him. His eyes widened and felt his throat tighten as his pulse picked up from fear.

"Did I hurt anyone?" his voice was a frightened whisper.

Confusion took over their features, staring almost in disbelief at him.

"No...you were having some sort of panic attack, I think."

Billy's shoulders slumped in relief, and he tried to wish away the nausea in his tummy. He fought the urge to rip at his hair, and instead settled for staring up at the light again and letting it burn into his retinas.

"I took you back here where it's quieter...I'm sorry, I didn't really know what else to do..."

"S'fine..." Billy mumbled, unable to look at them.

As he glanced down, he realized their hands were holding his clenched fists. He jerked his hands away as if they’d been burned, his heart threatening to leap out of his throat.

They backed off upon seeing his reaction, looking a bit lost.

Staring down, he relaxed his hands, watched as the crescent shapes in his palms beaded with blood. A few of the cuts were fairly deep, considering he’d just trimmed his nails (for this exact reason).

"Oh no, here I'll get some bandages for that-"

They got up and left the small room, rustling what sounded like a container nearby for medical supplies.

Billy sighed, disappointed in himself. He'd had another episode...the first one in a while...and he hadn't been ready for it. He should have been. He knew he had been in a weird mood all morning, but he still decided to get coffee and visit them. He knew it was a bad idea. He should've have been more prepared. He should have done better.

Useless. Pathetic. What a pathetic excuse of a human being. No wonder he had no friends. No wonder his family wouldn't speak to him. Who would want to hang out with such a sad, miserable-

"I'm back! I brought some bandages and disinfectant!" their voice was so soft and gentle as they quietly opened the door.

“I’m back...” Billy whispered too quietly for them to hear.

They kneeled in front of him, opening up a packet with a disinfectant wipe.

"Can I see your hands?" they asked him, patiently waiting for him to respond.

He nodded, still unable to look them in the eyes, and held open his hands. The alcohol burned as it ran against the cuts on his palm, but he deserved it. He deserved to feel pain-

"You doing alright?" they asked, cutting off his thoughts. "I hope it doesn't burn too much...these look painful."

"...I've had worse."

They glanced up at him, brow furrowed, but said nothing. Setting the wipe down, they grabbed the bandages and began wrapping one of his hands. He watched how they ran it around and around, pulling it snugly, but not too tight. Definitely, not as tightly as he would have, if he'd been doing it himself.

"I'm sorry for what happened... You didn't deserve that."

Yes he did.

"I understand if you want to leave..."

See? They didn't even want him. They were trying to get rid of him, just like everyone else-

"But, I’d love if you stayed. I already turned the closed sign on the door..."

Billy watched the bandage wrap his other hand, as the two of them sat in silence. They were being so sickeningly sweet to him, as usual.

"You just want me to tell you my latte recipe."

Their laugh was so abrupt and loud and made Billy jump, but he couldn't help but notice the butterflies in his stomach at the sight of their smile. It was brighter than the damn lights.

"Nah, it would take away the magic. I prefer not knowing," they giggled. "It's your iced coffee you should watch out for."

"Fuck iced fucking coffee."

They covered their mouth, trying to contain their laughter. It didn't work, but Billy found it extremely annoying that he could stare at their teeth anymore.

He reached up and grabbed their wrist, catching them off guard, and gently pulled their hand down. Their smile began to wilt out of confusion, and Billy frowned in disappointment.

Probably because he was being a creep. Disgusting, filthy, nASTY-

Billy let go of their wrist with a sigh. Their eyes searched his face, tucking a strand of his hair behind his ear.

"You always seem to have so much on your mind..." they whispered.

Billy grimaced and turned away from them. He swallowed down the acid reflux creeping up his throat.

“I'm always here, if you need someone to vent to. I’d be happy to listen."

Disgusting. It made him sick.

Slowly, Billy looked into their eyes, seeing no signs of malice. He ignored the beat his heart skipped.

"Come on, I'll make you some iced coffee," they winked with a smile, standing up and offering their hand to him.

He stared at it for an abnormally long length of time, looking at the shape of their nails.

Hesitantly, he reached out his own hand and took theirs, acknowledging the way their skin felt against his fingers. It was more comforting than he was willing to admit, and much more intense now that he was aware of it.

He was beginning to suspect that they knew that before he did.

They were horrible.

[neptunetheplanet7]

𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐭𝐞𝐧 - 𝐜𝐞𝐫𝐭𝐢𝐟𝐢𝐞𝐝 𝐠𝐞𝐧𝐢𝐮𝐬

DM ME IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO BE PUT ON THE TAGLIST!!

;mikasa ackerman x fem!lesbian!reader

;modern au, band au

word count: 2.4k

warnings: swearing, angst IF YOU SQUINT

listen to the music masterlist

prev | next

Groggily wiping your closed eyes, you awoke from a deep sleep. It didn't take long to realize the sheets around you weren't yours. You weren't in your bedroom. You weren't even in your house.

You sat up on the pullout, more alert. Rubbing the sides of your head with your fingertips, you desperately tried to put the pieces of last night together. The clock next to the unmounted flat-screen told you it was two pm. What happened to you?

"Good morning, honey bunny! Or should I say good afternoon?" The cheery voice that broke your confused silence was easy to recognize as Sasha.

What you were doing in the living room of her apartment, you didn't know.  You turned around to see her cooking food for the two of you.

The early events of the night before were clear as day when you retraced your steps. Catching up with everyone, Hitch, Zeke's fiasco, and dancing around were all things you had no issue recalling. 

However, there was one last detail just out of your grasp. Dancing with your friends. . . then with Mikasa. . . but what happened after that? Was it- oh, fuck.

Realization set in and you scrambled off the couch. Clothes from the night clung to your body as you stumbled into Sasha's bright kitchen.

Sitting down on a stool with wide eyes earned you a concerned look. Sasha raised an eyebrow. "Are you okay, Y/n? You look a little sick."

You shook your head. "I'm such an idiot. Can you believe I kissed her? I bet she didn't even want to."

She chuckled and pushed a plate of food in front of you. "From what I remember, she's the one who initiated it."

"I can't remember anything that happened after that. Fill me in?" You started eating your breakfast as you awaited their answer.

"Well, to put it simply, you fainted."

"What?!"

"Yeah, right after you pulled away. You were just out after that. It's really weird how that happened, actually," She put a finger to her chin as she reminisced.

The food on your fork toppled off as you stilled in shock. "Sasha! You better be joking! That's so embarrassing, oh my god."

In an instant, she was leaning over the table to steady your frantic gesticulating arms.

"Hey, hey, honey bunny. Don't freak out. We were all pretty worried about you. Nobody laughed if that's any comfort to you. To help out Marco, I took you back here after I dropped off Connie. He didn't need to worry about you when he had the three drunk idiots to drive home." She took your free hand in hers.

"I should probably text them so they know I'm okay." You left your food unattended as you walked back to the couch to look for your discarded phone. Sasha took it as a sign that you were done and helped herself to the meal.

"I got a picture of you two if you wanna see it," she said nonchalantly through a mouthful of food.

You stopped your searching. "What? Mikasa and I? When?"

"Well, I got a few, actually. I have one of you dancing with her and one of you kissing her. And some others from when Connie and I were joking around."

"Sasha, why?" you groaned. "I already get enough cameras in my face."

She shrugged and continued eating your breakfast. You moved the couch pillows around in hopes of finding your phone.

A reoccurring buzz vibrated the carpet under the pulled-out mattress. You reached under to grab whatever the noise came from.

Luckily, it was your phone. Unluckily, it was blowing up with texts from Jean and Eren. The familiar ringtone sounded as a call from Jean came through. You rushed to pick it up.

"Hello? Jean? Woah, slow down, what's going on?" You could barely make sense of his frantic words on the other side of the line. 

"Y/n, thank god you picked up. Armin's hurt. We're heading to the hospital right now. We think he has a concussion or something."

"What? Oh my god, what happened? How is he?"

"We'll explain later. Come when you can. It's the same hospital we went to when Eren broke his arm."

"Got it, Jean. I'll be there. Keep him safe."

"Of course."

He hung up. You started towards the front door. "We have to go, Sasha."

"Why? What happened? You sound pretty worried. At least change before you got out. I have a spare set of clothes for you," she offered, already on the way to their bedroom.

"No time. I'll change on the way to the hospital." You unlocked the door. 

"The what?" Their confusion and worry were clear from their tone. Despite that, she nodded and frantically reached for her car keys, extra outfit already in hand.

Once she got a hold of them, you both jumped in the car and set off to the hospital.

"What the hell happened to you?" You were seated on the left side of the hospital bed with the rest of your bandmates scattered throughout the bland room.

"To tell you the truth, I fell down a flight of stairs," Armin said sheepishly.

"With a light push from Eren," Mikasa added.

"I didn't mean to push him! I bumped into him!"

"Yeah, nice one, Eren. You're a certified douchebag." Jean rolled his eyes.

"Coming from you, Jean, that's rich." Eren glared back at him.

"Man, why couldn't Eren fall down the stairs." Armin clawed at the bandage on his head in annoyance. "This thing is itchy."

"It's because you are stupid, and I am not," Eren fired back. You snorted.

"Oh yeah, definitely. Remind me who graduated early from college and who dropped out again?"

He scowled. "You dropped out too, idiot."

"Right, but I did it for the band. You did it because it was too hard," you snickered.

"Damn, Y/n. Go a little easy on me, will you? I spent my whole morning at the police station." He pinched the bridge of his nose like he had a headache.

Confused, you looked at Mikasa, hoping for an explanation. She avoided your eyes and stared at the ground instead. It was the third time she wouldn't directly look at you since you got there.

Armin noticed the interaction and frowned. "He went to get Zeke out of jail," they explained.

Eren sighed. "That was the plan. Until I changed my mind. The bail was a lot of money and, frankly, with all the shit he did, it wasn't worth it. It's a shame he'll miss my birthday again but what good would he cause anyways."

"Oh, I see." 

As distraught as he was the night prior, Eren was able to toughen up with Zeke instead of letting him back into his life so easily. It was admirable he could do such a thing after his previous reactions to Zeke's shenanigans. 

"What did he even do? I guess he pawned that guy's wedding ring but isn't he banned from Nebraska?" Jean pondered.

"Well, he didn't lie about some things. He is several million dollars in debt and he was on the run from the police. Explains why he looked like he was gonna shit his pants when the cops showed up last night," Eren said.

"Okay, but what did he do specifically?" Jean asked again.

"Oh, right. He robbed banks like it was a game. The motherfucker was literally bank hopping around Nebraska. Plus, he stole a bunch of shit from people and pawned it all. There were so many complaints filed against him that he was banned from a ton of pawnshops. He wasn't banned from the state. Just enough places that he felt like he was."

Jean's jaw dropped. "How many banks did he rob?"

Eren shrugged. "Around thirty."

"Thirty? What the hell is that guy on?" he mumbled.

You were surprised as well but glad it wasn't worse. Still, you couldn't believe that he'd been staying with you for less than a week and he already stirred up a whirlwind of problems.

Silence had fallen over the room for a moment before Armin broke it. "Y/n, can I talk to you for a minute? Alone," he said.

"Sure." You were curious about what he had to say to you. He'd been all fidgety during the whole half hour you were there.

Eren and Jean turned from their position on either side of the door and walked out. Mikasa stood from her seat to follow. She shot you one last glance but looked away before your eyes could meet.

Once the three were gone, you scooted your chair closer to the bed.

"What's up?"

Armin's brows furrowed as he brought his nail between his teeth. "Do you know what's going on with Mikasa? She's been acting weird all day. She's always been the closed-off type but she hasn't said more than a few words to us all day."

You frowned. If Mikasa was not only avoiding you but the others too, you could only assume what was on her mind. 

"You don't remember last night? Is amnesia a result of the fall?"

He blinked, confusion still evident. "No, I don't think so. Eren and Jean are just as clueless as I am."

Then you remembered how drunk the three of them were the night before. They must've lost track of things after having enough drinks. So Mikasa hadn't bothered to fill them in.

You tugged at Sasha's shirt collar nervously. "Mikasa kissed me." Armin's mouth fell open. Words came out fast as you tried to explain, "Or I kissed her. It's a little fuzzy, I fainted afterward. Sasha said Mikasa initiated it, though." 

"You- she what? You actually- wait, you fainted? Y/n, are you okay?" The panic in his voice rose as the confusion dissolved.

You placed a hand on his upper arm to stop him from sitting all the way up. "I'm fine. Don't worry about me. I'm not the one in the hospital bed, after all."

He smiled at that. "I guess that's true. But anyway, how was it?"

You felt your face heat up. You weren't expecting them to be so forward. Clearing your throat, you replied, "The kiss was. . . yeah, I'd say it was good."

They grinned. "I'm glad you finally acted on those feelings. Christ's sake, Y/n. You've liked her for how many years now?"

You smiled shyly. "Jeez, I don't know. Quite a few. But don't get your hopes up or anything. She clearly thinks it was a mistake."

Armin's smile disappeared. "You've gotta stop thinking like that. More likely than not, she needs some time to process. You know she gets reserved when she has to think."

So reserved to leave for two years?  Yeah, you knew. You were beginning to believe her behavior would lead to worse.

The blonde seemed to sense something deeper was nagging at you. "Wait, have you ever actually talked about what happened? I figured you spoke to Eren but now that I think about it, whenever anyone brought her up you shut it down."

That was enough to get you thinking. When Mikasa was gone, your friends knew better than to ask about her. Armin was right, you always shut it down. 

You never spoke about how her disappearance made you feel. You never even wanted to think about it. There were times when you couldn't push the feelings away anymore. Times when you couldn't do anything but cry.

Whenever that happened, you made a beeline for Eren. He was the only one you knew wouldn't pry. You never had to say anything. He would just understand. He never told anyone. He never complained. He never asked. He let you cry until you couldn't anymore. He was someone you were very grateful for.

Mikasa's leave was something that affected you more than you let on. Even if it was easy to tell that it was hard for you to deal with, no one knew the extent to which it was.

Remembering that time brought back every feeling you never dwelled on. You couldn't go through it all again. You knew why it was hard to think positively about that kiss.

"I don't want her to leave," you whispered, voice coming out more shaky than you intended. "I can't do it, not again."

Armin looked surprised. "Do you think she'd leave again? Why?"

Lifting your head, your gaze shifted from the floor to his wide blue eyes. "The last time something impacted her emotions so quickly she left us."

He nodded as realization dawned on him. "But the difference between now and then is that this is a positive thing. Come on, Y/n, I'm not blind. Before she and Jean were together, you were dancing around each other for years. Even Jean was shocked when she asked him out and not you."

You thought about that for a moment. Right he was again. There were always moments between you and her before Jean. You always thought you two had an unspoken connection until she asked him out. It seemed others thought so as well.

You smiled hopefully. "Yeah, you're right. Maybe this is a good thing. I mean, I've had these feelings for years so maybe it's good I finally acted on them."

They smiled back. "Hope so. Just give her some time and she'll come around. It's Mikasa, of all people she would never ignore-"

The door banged open just as Armin was finishing his sentence.

Eren stood in the doorway with his phone held up and Mikasa and Jean not far behind.

"Hannes called. Couldn't wait any longer to ask. Are you two down for a performance at the beginning of next month?" He exhaled heavily, out of breath for some reason. "Mikasa and Jean here are already on board."

"You're coming back to the band, Mikasa?" Armin asked.

"Yeah. I miss it," Mikasa said quietly.

"Of course I'm down. It's been so long since we've performed," you chimed.

"So it's settled then. First performance in three months plus Mikasa's big comeback on April 2nd," Jean confirmed.

posted: 9/15/21

neptunetheplanet7© 2021

no reposts, edits, or modification to my work by anyone other than me.

[bananaofswifts]

By : Callie Ahlgrim and Courteney Larocca

Taylor Swift released her eighth studio album, "Folklore," on Friday.

Swift surprised fans by announcing its release just one day in advance — and less than one year after the release of her acclaimed seventh album "Lover."

"Most of the things I had planned this summer didn't end up happening, but there is something I had planned that DID happen," she wrote on social media. "And that thing is my 8th studio album, folklore. Surprise!"

She described "Folklore," stylized in all lowercase, as "an entire brand new album of songs I've poured all of my whims, dreams, fears, and musings into."

Much of the 16-song tracklist — 17 on the deluxe edition — was cowritten and produced by The National's Aaron Dessner. Smaller pieces were cowritten by Bon Iver, Jack Antonoff, and someone named William Bowery. Antonoff also produced five songs.

Insider's music team (reporter Callie Ahlgrim and celebrity and music editor Courteney Larocca) listened to the new album on our own, jotting down our initial thoughts track by track.

Almost immediately, we were forced to reckon with the fact that "Folklore" might be Swift's best album yet — potentially even better than "Red," which previously seemed like it couldn't be topped. We were stunned with the mature, poetic, stunningly understated collection of new songs.

Here is what we thought of each song on "Folklore" upon first listen. (Skip to the end to see the only songs worth listening to and the album's final score.)

"The 1" is the best album opener Swift has had in years.

Ahlgrim: "I'm doing good, I'm on some new s---" is a wild way to begin a new Taylor Swift album. This is going to be different.

This is easily the best intro song she's released in years. "The 1" far surpasses "I Forgot That You Existed" on "Lover," "...Ready for It?" on "Reputation," and "Welcome to New York" on "1989" in terms of sheer quality.

It's also an engaging scene-setter; I find myself gently rocking back and forth, eyes closed, smiling without realizing. It's only the first song and so far, I am totally grasping the woodsy aesthetic of this album. I'm already ready for more.

Larocca: I would argue that there hasn't been a strong album opener on one of Swift's albums since "State of Grace" on "Red" in 2012. "The 1" breaks that curse.

I was vibing from that very first piano note, but when Swift comes in and warmly delivers the first line of the album — "I'm doing good, I'm on some new s---" — it became evident this project wouldn't be anything like the rest of her discography.

As far as "The 1" goes as a standalone song, it's incredibly solid. Swift has a breezy attention to rhythm as she paints a tale of a the-one-who-got-away romance. I truly, truly love it. This might end up being an all-time favorite track.

"Cardigan" is beautifully influenced by Lana Del Rey.

Ahlgrim: I heard "Cardigan" first because I watched the music video before I listened to the album.

Right off the bat, I was struck by the Lana Del Rey melody in the chorus; I jotted down "folksy 'Blue Jeans.'"

Swift has actually cited Del Rey as an inspiration in the past, so this makes sense — and that particular shade of nostalgic, haunting glamour really works for Swift's voice, so I'm overall very impressed with this direction. I am more than amenable to a "Red" meets "Norman F---ing Rockwell!" album experience. On my second time around listening, sans music video, "Cardigan" already feels richer coming after "The 1."

This time, I'm struck by small lyrical details like "Sequined smile, black lipstick," a clear callback to her past eras, and "Tried to change the ending / Peter losing Wendy," an effective way to evoke young love and innocence lost.

I also think the song's central refrain, "When you are young they assume you know nothing," is clean and sharp and — especially given Swift's public struggles with sexism and years-old contracts — extremely poignant.

Larocca: I had the thought that Swift listens to Lana Del Rey after hearing "Miss Americana and the Heartbreak Prince" on last year's "Lover," but now I know for sure that Del Rey is an influence on Swift.

While "Cardigan" isn't what I thought this album would be like sonically, I'm overjoyed at how clearly singer-songwriter this album already is. I've been waiting years for Swift to make a lyrical marvel set to acoustic, warm, folksy instrumentals and it's here.

(And while I expected something different sonically, I am not mad at all by the backing instrumental choices here.)

"The Last Great American Dynasty" proves Swift is a natural storyteller.

Ahlgrim: Personally, I love Storyteller Taylor, so this is quite literally music to my ears.

There are so many delicious details here to unpack. The first verse, with its subtle sexist whisperings about Rebekah Harkness ("How did a middle-class divorcée do it?" and "It must have been her fault his heart gave out"), is a truly savvy way to set up for the song's eventual reveal.

Rebekah spent her time partying with friends, funding the ballet, playing card games with Salvador Dalí, somehow "ruining everything" — and her Holiday House was "free of women with madness" until Swift herself moved in.

That twist in the bridge is poetic genius. When the final chorus adjusts to the present day, underscoring the parallels between Rebekah and Swift, I'm forcefully reminded of an iconic bridge when Romeo finally proposed and changed everything — but Swift has evolved past daydreams of pure white dresses and fathers giving permission.

Larocca: I'm immediately taken back to 2012's "Starlight" when "The Last Great American Dynasty" starts. Thankfully, this song ends up being a lot better than "Starlight," which always felt more like a filler track on "Red" to me.

I love a lot here: the casual use of "b----," the acute attention to detail ("She stole his dog and dyed it key lime green"), and every version of this line: "There goes the maddest woman this town has ever seen."

I had a marvelous time listening to this song.

"Exile," featuring Bon Iver, is one of Swift's most successful duets to date.

Ahlgrim: Swift and Bon Iver, aka Justin Vernon, are two of the best songwriters alive today, so this song was destined to be breathtaking.

Swift has historically had difficulty allowing her voice and vision to coexist with a featured artist; her collaborations often leave me feeling like she should've just delivered the whole song herself.

But Swift and Vernon were able to weave their lyrics together so gracefully, I was left feeling grateful for his presence. His rich, rustic tone and those iconic hummed harmonies lends the regretful song an added coat of sincerity.

The production here is generally fine, but the layered instrumentals in the ending really bring the song together. I love a dramatic exit.

Larocca: When I see a "featuring Bon Iver" on a track, I instantly assume Vernon is going to come in with his high falsetto. So it was almost jarring that the song starts with Vernon sounding like a lumberjack dad who hasn't left the woods in a decade.

That didn't end up being a detriment, though. Swift sounds delicate on her verse, and their vocals contrast nicely later on the track.

This one also brings to mind her collab "The Last Time" with Snow Patrol's Gary Lightbody. The line "I think I've seen this film before and I didn't like the ending" is also reminiscent of "If This Was a Movie."

I'm obsessed with the clear influences Swift's previous discography had on these tracks, which have also so far felt completely unique to her catalog.

"My Tears Ricochet" is an extraordinary display of Swift's songwriting powers.

Ahlgrim: First of all, "My Tears Ricochet" is an incredible song title. Let's take a moment to appreciate that.

In fact, pretty much every line of this song is arresting.

Much of it feels both familiar and rare, like you know exactly what Swift is singing about, but hadn't thought to put it in those words before — which is, in my opinion, the mark of any good piece of writing but especially a breakup song. You can relate to the emotion, if not the particular details. You can hear the pain. It almost plays like a funeral march.

What a gift it is, what an exhilarating experience, to feel like you're listening to a poem being recited in real-time.

Larocca: Any true Swiftie knows that track five is reserved for the most vulnerable moment on the record, so I went into "My Tears Ricochet" ready to be sad.

I am endlessly impressed with how Swift managed to bake the word "ricochet" into this song so effectively. She also ditched her traditional song structure for this one, and instead built the track from peak to peak, utilizing clever lyrics along the way to tell an epic, devastating story, almost obviously calling back to the most beloved track five of "All Too Well."

I'm calling it now — this one is going to age like a fine wine. As all of Swift's best breakup ballads do.

"Mirrorball" is several strokes of genius.

Ahlgrim: This song gives me intense Clairo vibes, and I mean that as a very high compliment.

It's so fun and refreshing to hear Swift slip into different musical styles, and this shimmery take on alternative-bedroom-pop highlights her soft vocals and nuanced songwriting supremely well.

Also, my Leo sensibilities are fully under attack by this bridge: "I've never been a natural, all I do is try, try, try / I'm still on that trapeze / I'm still trying everything to keep you looking at me." Oof! Just tag me next time.

Larocca: This one is so pretty! Swift's vocals sound better than ever as she spins on her highest heels across a glittery daydream.

"I'm a mirrorball / I'll show you every version of yourself tonight" might be the thesis statement of this entire album. So far, "Folklore" feels both diaristic and vague; detailed and completely anonymous.

Fans will be debating for years whether this album is about Swift's own life, or if it's simply really great storytelling pulled directly from her own mind. In the end, it doesn't really matter.

Because as all of Swift's best songs do, these songs will attach themselves to listeners in completely new ways, showing them elements and stories from their own lives.

"Seven" is pure whimsical magic.

Ahlgrim: This is playing make-believe in the garden when you're too young to feel self-conscious; it's poetic and nostalgic and full of awe in such an unpretentious way.

I wouldn't change one thing about this song. Swift's whispery high register sounds divine, and at this point in the tracklist, her rhythmic delivery in the chorus hits like a shot of espresso.

Right now, I'm wondering if it's possible for Swift to maintain this intrigue and momentum for another nine songs. There hasn't been a misstep to speak of, and I remain wholly beguiled. Can it last?

Larocca: The beginning of "Seven" sounds like Swift listened to Marina's "Orange Trees" on repeat before showing up to her songwriting session. Fortunately, "Orange Trees" is the only song I like on Marina's "Love + Fear" so I will gladly accept this inspiration.

Swift continues to impress with both her vocals and her sense of rhythm on "Seven." I also personally love space imagery so the line "Love you to the moon and to Saturn" is a standout line.

"August" will go down as one of the best songs in Swift's extensive repertoire.

Ahlgrim: I'm immediately catching hints of Phoebe Bridgers and girl in red in Swift's delivery. And I simply adore the idea that Swift has spent the last few months sitting at home, daydreaming about summertime humidity and listening to music by queer indie-pop girls. 

In an album full of songwriting expertise, this song has some of Swift's best lines yet: "August sipped away like a bottle of wine / 'Cause you were never mine" actually hurts me.

In my notes, there simply sits this valuable insight (yes, in all-caps): "WANTING WAS ENOUGH. FOR ME IT WAS ENOUGH TO LIVE FOR THE HOPE OF IT ALL." This song has my favorite bridge on the album so far.

In terms of production, "August" is exquisite. It's lush and layered without feeling overwhelming at any point. It builds to the perfect level then recedes, like a wave. 

Also worth mentioning: It can now be considered a historical fact that any time Swift mentions a car or driving in one of her songs, it's a perfect song.

Larocca: While listening to "August," I texted Callie and said, "I can't wait to finish the album so I can relisten to 'August.'" It's an instant favorite. 

This is also the first track on the album that seems directly inspired by our current state. Not because she's expressing fear or singing about being bored at home, but because she so easily slips into a reflection of a relationship that ended years ago with a newfound wave of wistful nostalgia. 

When quarantine started, it seemed like a million lifestyle articles came out explaining why everyone suddenly felt compelled to text their exes and why we're so invested in looking back instead of forward right now. 

"August" validates those feelings with zero judgment, letting its listener know that yes, it's totally normal for you to be overanalyzing that quasi-relationship you were in back in college that never made it past graduation. Am I projecting? Maybe, but that's debatably what Swift's music is best utilized for.

I'm also going to be thinking about this song's bridge and outro for the rest of my life.

The National's influence can be felt on the stunning "This Is Me Trying."

Ahlgrim: "This Is Me Trying" quickly strikes a more sinister tone than its predecessors — still nostalgic and wistful, but carrying an edge, like a threatening secret.

Ironically, this one was co-written and co-produced by Jack Antonoff, not Aaron Dessner, though I can really hear The National's influence here. I'm getting strong wafts of songs like "Pink Rabbits" and "Dark Side of the Gym."

Based on Swift's own words, we can speculate that "This Is Me Trying" is a fictional tale, built around the image of "a 17-year-old standing on a porch, learning to apologize." And, as previously stated, I'm a big fan of Storyteller Taylor, so I'm into it.

The song's darker tone mingles really well with Swift's imagery; when you're a teenager, and you make a mistake, it can feel like the end of the world.

Larocca: "This Is Me Trying" is precisely what I imagined this album sounding like when I found out Swift collaborated with the National's Aaron Dessner and Bon Iver.

But I'm glad she was strategic about her use of echo and also finally paid attention to the tracklisting from a sonic standpoint. This haunting soundscape is reminiscent of 2014's "This Love" and comes in right when you need it after the yearning daydream of "August."  

I'd also like it to be on the record that the line "I got wasted like all my potential" ruined me and this song is a win for that lyric alone.

"Illicit Affairs" is a glowing example of what sets Swift apart from her peers as a songwriter.

Ahlgrim: The expert songwriting on "Illicit Affairs" reminds me of the as-yet unseated queen in Swift's discography: "All Too Well."

Swift is a master of wielding specific details like weapons: "What started in beautiful rooms / Ends with meetings in parking lots," she sings. "Leave the perfume on the shelf / That you picked out just for him." These are the sorts of images that set Swift apart, and they're especially strong when she punctuates their delivery with a little growl in her voice.

This song has real power. I have chills.

That power is magnified in the third verse, similar to how "All Too Well" builds to a crescendo: "Don't call me 'kid,' don't call me 'baby' / Look at this godforsaken mess that you made me."

Certainly, "Illicit Affairs" is more restrained than Swift's iconic arena rock ballad, but goddamn that last verse hits hard.

Larocca: The way that she says "him" in the second verse shook me out of my skin in the very best way. And "Don't call me 'kid,' don't call me 'baby' / Look at this idiotic fool that you made me" will go down as one of her best breakup lines of all time.  

It's been a minute since Swift delivered a painstakingly beautiful breakup ballad, and the fact that this album is littered with them is, simply, a gift.  

"Illicit Affairs" has growing power and will likely become one of those tracks that fans form a strong emotional attachment to over time.

"Invisible String" is Taylor Swift at her most Taylor Swift.

Ahlgrim: "Invisible String" is a feast of Easter eggs and callbacks.

"Teal was the color of your shirt" reminds me of the line about Joe Alwyn's blue eyes on "Delicate," and her reference to a dive bar is similarly familiar. "Gave me no compasses, gave me no signs" recalls the push-and-pull on "Exile."

"Bad was the blood of the song in the cab" is undoubtedly a reference to Swift's 2015 single "Bad Blood," while "One single thread of gold / Tied me to you" feels like a nod to Swift's description of love's "golden" hue on the "Lover" album closer "Daylight."

This song is sprightly and sparkly and certainly nice to listen to, but its real strength lies in these details.

Swift is weaving many different stories on this album, many connected by a sort of "Invisible String," tying different pieces of her life and your life and other lives together. It ends up feeling like a growing plant with far-reaching roots, or a sentient treasure map.

Larocca: I'd be lying if I said there weren't multiple points throughout this album where I worried that Swift and her boyfriend Joe Alwyn had broken up. 

Thankfully, "Invisible String" is a rosy, wide-eyed ode to love. The plucky guitar paired with Swift's soft vocals is a sound I want to live in, which is fitting since this track feels like coming home. 

Every small detail, from the nod to Alwyn's time spent working at a frozen yogurt shop in his youth, to the color imagery that paints every inflection of Swift's adoration (especially the single thread of gold) come together to lay the holy ground Swift's relationship walks on. 

Also, the image of Swift mailing Joe Jonas and Sophie Turner gifts for their expectant first child brings about an unbridled sense of joy.

"Mad Woman" is yet another highlight.

Ahlgrim: Every time I think I've heard the peak of this album's songwriting potential, Swift manages to surprise me. 

Case in point: "Do you see my face in the neighbor's lawn? / Does she smile? / Or does she mouth, 'F--- you forever?'" Whoa.

And another, for good measure: "It's obvious that wanting me dead / Has really brought you two together." I texted Courteney, "Did she really just say that??"

This song is sublime on its own, but the way it ties back into the perception of female freedom and "madness" on "The Last Great American Dynasty" makes it even better. "Mad Woman" is definitely a personal favorite so far on this album, if not in Swift's entire catalog.

Larocca: "Mad Woman" will forever hold the honor of being the first song in which Swift says "f---" and for that, we should all be thankful. 

I was also so wrapped up in the storytelling of this album, that it took a minute for this to even register that this is likely about the Scooter Braun and Scott Borchetta / Kanye West and Kim Kardashian West ordeals of Swift's past. These callouts used to be so obvious, that I greatly appreciate the subtlety and restraint here. 

It almost feels like these feuds were a lifetime ago, but this track does an excellent job at showcasing how anger and pain can leave an indelible mark on you. Swift went mad years ago, and that's just an accepted part of her narrative now. 

But for the first time, her rage sounds like freedom.

"Epiphany" doesn't stand out.

Ahlgrim: There are some really interesting vocal moments on "Epiphany," but so far, this is the only song I haven't felt captivated by. It's a bit snoozy, and a bit too long.

This song clearly references war, the loss of a loved one, and the coronavirus pandemic, which makes it lyrically intriguing at best — but distressing at worst. I don't mind letting the overall effect waft over me, but this won't be a song I revisit outside the context of the album.

Larocca: "Epiphany" is the only track on "Folklore" that didn't immediately grab me. It's essentially a war drama in song format, so some people might like it, but I truly couldn't care less about war movies or war songs! So it's not my favorite, but it makes for pretty background music. 

"Epiphany" does have another benefit though: Now, whenever some random dude erroneously claims Swift "only writes songs about her exes," fans have a clear song in her discography that they can point to and be like, "That's not true. This one's about war." 

That's not to say Swift needed that — anyone who has been paying attention understands she's quite possibly the best songwriter of her generation.  

This just happens to be further proof of that fact.

"Betty" is a charming callback to Swift's country roots.

Ahlgrim: "Betty" is like the best, sauciest song from Swift's 2006 debut country album that no one got to hear. It has sonic and lyrical similarities to hits like "Our Song" and "Tim McGraw," plus some name-dropping stuff like 2008's "Hey Stephen," plus a little harmonica thrown in for good measure! I love that for us.

"Betty" also appears to complete a three-song story, recalling details from "Cardigan" and "August" to close the loop on Betty and James, a couple in high school with some infidelity issues.

Looking back, it feels like "Cardigan" was told from Betty's perspective, while "August" was told from the perspective of a sort of "other woman" character. Now, we get James' side of the story. This is high art, folks! This is peak Storytelling Taylor!

"Betty" is also, like, very gay? I know it's easy to assume that James is a male character, but Swift herself was named after James Taylor, so she could be referring to herself. The song also references someone named Inez; James and Inez are the names of Ryan Reynolds and Blake Lively's daughters.

Plus, in retrospect, the idea of whispering "Are you sure? Never have I ever before" during a summer fling seems pretty gay to me.

I'm not saying the story of Betty and James would be better if it was written about sapphic lovers, but I'm not not saying that.

Larocca: This one is gay, and if you try to tell me otherwise, I will simply ignore you. 

But Courteney, it's from the perspective of a guy named James. James and the other character, Inez, share the same names as Reynolds and Lively's kids (will leave it up to you to decide if that means their third daughter's name is Betty). James is their daughter. Get out of here with your antiquated ideas about which names connotate which genders. 

To me, the James named in this song is a woman and a lesbian and this song is for the gays. I will not be saying anything else or accepting any feedback on this opinion, thank you.

"Peace" is honest and raw.

Ahlgrim: This song's intro sounds like LCD Soundsystem had a baby with "The Archer." The gentle guitar riff is also lovely.

With Dessner's echoey production, Swift's voice sounds like a warm little fire in a cave — fitting, since she sings in the chorus, "I'm a fire and I'll keep your brittle heart warm."

OK damn, I'm getting really emotional. This songwriting is beautiful and haunting. "Peace" perfectly captures the ambient dread of feeling your partner slip away, of wondering whether love can be enough. 

Larocca: If you're a "Call It What You Want" stan, you're going to love its mature older sister "Peace." 

I will hereby forever be thinking about the parallels between "But I'm a fire and I'll keep your brittle heart warm" with "He built a fire just to keep me warm" and between "Family that I chose, now that I see your brother as my brother" with "Trust him like a brother."

Also, "Would it be enough if I could never give you peace?" has the same emotional impact as when Swift changes the lyric in "The Archer" to "I see right through me" and that's meant as the highest form of compliment. 

Swift's vocals are so crisp, that guitar riff is so stunning, and these lyrics are so gut-wrenchingly vulnerable. A perfect song, through and through.

"Hoax" is unlike any other album closer in Swift's catalog.

Ahlgrim: I don't know if Swift is going through a traumatic breakup, but if she isn't, the woman is one convincing creative writer.

The National makes some of my favorite music to cry to, so when I heard Aaron Dessner had co-written and produced much of this album, I knew I was in for some glossy cheeks. Until now, I think I've felt too captivated by Swift's artistry to really let myself get there.

But finally, "Hoax" is making me cry.

This is heart-wrenching stuff for anyone, but for a fan and student of Swift's work, this is like reading a friend's diary entry.

"Don't want no other shade of blue, but you" must be a reference to "Delicate," in which Swift sings: "Dark jeans and your Nikes, look at you / Oh damn, never seen that color blue." Later, she croons, "You know I left a part of me back in New York," perhaps regretting the move to London that she detailed throughout "Lover." 

"You knew it still hurts underneath my scars / From when they pulled me apart," recalling the public shaming she endured and demons she exorcised on "Reputation." "But what you did was just as dark." Like I said before: Whoa.

Personally, I love having a good cry set to moody music, so I appreciate Swift's soul-bearing. "Hoax" is one gut-punch of an album closer.

Larocca: Swift has a habit of ending her albums on an uplifting, hopeful note and I always eat it up. But if "Folklore" hadn't made it clear by now that it should be consumed differently than any of her previous works, "Hoax" brings that message home.  

Instead of reveling in all the ways that love has made her stronger, happier, or more whole, "Hoax" deconstructs everything Swift has learned about love and leaves a bleaker picture about how maybe even the best of relationships hurt. 

But at its most tragic, this love still isn't something Swift will ever let go of: "Don't want no other shade of blue but you / No other sadness in the world would do."  

Finishing a Taylor Swift album has never been so devastating.

Final Grade: 9.7/10

[christellaohwang]

The Call [Sehun x Reader OneShot]

Description: Sehun is married to y/n, however their relationship has lost its spark. He finds himself trapped in a lustful nightmare that can only offer him a brief escape from his unsatisfying reality.

Sehun's thoughts were more than cohesive. It's not that he was confused or anything. He knew perfectly well what he wanted. What he was uncertain about was what he needed. What if he made a mistake he would regret for the rest of his life? After all his wife wasn't stupid at all. In fact, he was stupid... For making the next step.

Sehun and Y/N weren't talking to each other anymore. They just stopped. Nothing specific happened. To him, it seemed like they grew apart. To her, it seemed as if he had stopped being in love with her. Sehun loved Y/N dearly. Lately, though, they repeatedly failed to communicate. He seemed to have forgotten how to touch her to show her his feelings. She felt as if he didn't care enough to listen to her anymore, even though Sehun was praying to listen to one word she had to say to him.

Maybe they had a problem and didn't dare to face it. Sehun thought it was because they wanted to protect their daughter that they always acted as if they had no problems. Problems need solutions and solutions need fights. On the other hand, love for Y/N was a double-sided knife. He desperately tried to grasp the long lost memories of excitement, adoration and tenderness when they first started dating. If mistakes happened along the way, they both wished they could turn back time to get them fixed. Only they did nothing more to make it come true.

At the beginning of their marriage, to them, everything worked perfectly. They both worked in the same field for almost half a day and sometimes Y/N left for she needed to travel to other places. Their relationship then became long distance for short periods of time, so they were both used to it and had adjusted their lives to make it perfect. And it was...

Sehun turned to his friends "I'll be right back".

He took a deep breath and started walking towards her. Her neck reminded him a lot. All the kisses he used to place on y/n's neck. Her tall, slim and curvy figure made him recall the first time Y/N approached him. He hadn't made the first step then, but he would make it now, because this time it wouldn't have been for love. He brushed her shoulder with his fingers. What an awful husband he would be...

"Excuse me miss", said Sehun in his soft and charming voice.

She turned around swiftly and her long pink curly hair locks almost touched his hands. She wouldn't have heard anything in the club. The music was too loud. Sehun smiled at her faintly and she did too. She excited him. Her similarity was exciting. She looked the same as the one he loved. Even though he knew his wife was at home with their daughter, she looked the same yet different. More childish and fresh. Just like Y/N was at first. It wouldn't matter if she didn't look the same in reality. In his eyes, she looked like his Y/N. And that would be the only way to ease himself into this...

"You are very beautiful..."

"Thank you mr...?"

"Oh Sehun... Call me Sehun..."

Her smile was frustratingly charming. He couldn't help but smile back for a moment. He felt something vibrating in his pocket and lowered his sight. The girl grabbed a bit of his shirt turning her focus back on her before she leaned against his ear and whispered. 

"Listen Oh Sehun... I got a little place nearly... Wanna go?"

Sehun slightly opened his mouth in wonder, but nodded nonetheless. He convinced himself he was about to go home, but she just stood in his way.

"Give me a moment..."

He briefly walked away from her and picked up his phone.

"Hello? Sehun?", asked Y/N.

"Hello? Y/N? Hi it's me, what's up baby? I'm sorry, listen I'm gonna be late tonight so don't stay up and wait for me, ok?"

"Where are you?"

"Wait wait say that again?"

"Hello?"

"You're really dropping out I think my battery must be low. Listen if you can hear me we're goin' to a place nearby, alright? Gotta go!"

And so he hung up and buried his guilt for not being loyal and honest to her for the first time ever. He grabbed his coat, bid his friends good night and followed her outside. Cheating was the wrong way, he knew this much, but he couldn't think straight anymore. He wanted back his wife, so hallucinations or not this would work just fine.

They started walking quickly. Her black dress hugged her figure perfectly. She took his hand and he was certain. She couldn't possibly be someone else. If he was hallucinating then he would only half cheat on her. Right?

"Do you mind if we stop by the supermarket Sehun?"

"No, it's ok, I can wait outside."

"No, come on, you should come with me!"

She let out a chuckle and playfully got in. Sehun started looking at the snacks. He had promised himself that he would buy Y/N her favorite chocolate before he returned home...

The lights suddenly started to go off. Sehun looked around for the girl but didn't seem to find her. He didn't like darkness at all. And the only thing that came to his mind at that moment was that if his wife was next to him right now, she would calm him down.

"How dare you think of your wife right now Oh Sehun? When you are about to cheat on her...", He thought to himself.

Someone touched his hair from behind and he turned instantly around flustered. The girl smiled.

"Are you ok? It seems there is a power cut. Come on..."

She paid for her stuff, exited the shop and started walking towards a big apartment block. The whole neighborhood reminded him of the good old '90s and that made him even more excited. A strong wind blew towards his face as they entered the tall dark building. Funnily enough, it looked like an old hotel, but people had the doors to their apartments wide open. Each and every one of them made him feel incredibly uncomfortable, as if he clearly didn't belong there. And oh they were so right.

Her apartment was at the far end of the hallway. Sehun glanced at all the people staring at him behind his back with disapproval but chose to ignore them. He sighed, entered her bedroom and heard the door closing behind him slowly. With his senses at peak, he smelled her fresh and flowery perfume in the air. She took off both of their coats. Sehun turned around to look at her innocent face one last time before he fell hard on her bed. She climbed on top of him and he closed his eyes waiting for her to touch him. She placed her thumb on his pouty lips and gave him a deep kiss.

She stole his breath and kept it safe in her heart. She touched his face one last time and leaned against his ear.

"Sehunnie?"

He finally heard the familiar voice and opened his eyes widely at once being in shock.

"Y/N?"

He stared at her face which bared a mixture of bitter disappointment and betrayal. Her tone quickly switched to show the anger his actions had caused her.

"Did you ever think I'm that stupid Oh Sehun? I'm sorry baby..."

She pulled out a knife from behind her back, raised it up to look at him one last time and pierced his heart with all the love and hate she could possibly master, letting out a sad cry of regret. Sehun gasped and looked at her aethereal trail before she stood up again, threw him one last glance and jumped off the open window and into the black night. The last moments of his life passed by. All the things he neglected and ignored just because he chose not to see them. Just as he chose not to see that it was her from the beginning. A real live picture from the past. Her touch was the same at the club too... He should have stayed there and danced with her. Again the safe option for a safe dream. What was he thinking...?

"Sehun? Sehun!"

His body was drenched in a nervous sweat. He opened his eyes not coming to the realization at once. Y/N stood above him touching his forehead.

"Sehun you are feverous..."

He jumped up anxiously realising it was all a dream and stared at her.

"When did you change your hair? Why is it pink?"

His mind must have been playing games with him, since now his wife looked identical to her doppelganger in his dream.

"Don't you remember me telling you that I would go to the hairdresser after work yesterday? Ah Sehun, I'm wasting your time even when I speak."

"It will get me killed in the end baby, don't worry, you outsmart me."

Sehun uttered those words in a low anxious voice and Y/N chuckled softly caressing his hair and looking bittersweet.

"Sometimes I do wish I could kill you."

"Maybe I wish the same thing Y/N."

"Well then maybe I should go ahead and do it..."

Her tone now was sarcastic and cold as she removed her hand and stood up from the bed. She walked to the dresser and stared into the mirror.

"And what will you do without me afterwards? Our child will be fatherless."

Sehun stared at her through the mirror with a vaguely serious expression, knowing full well it would get her mad. Y/N clenched her teeth and pierced him with her eyes.

"I'll make it seem like an accident, come on, I promise."

"Sure baby..."

Sehun stood up and walked towards her slowly.

"Go on baby. They say it's easier to kill if you feel hatred. I'm sure you'll feel relieved afterwards. But let's be honest, you wouldn't be able to do that even if your life depended on it, would you?"

"You bet I could Oh Sehun. There are multiple ways you can kill someone. One way is to stop loving them. Which you have for a while now. So why shouldn't I?"

She turned around and avoiding his harsh gaze tried to walk away frustrated. Sehun grabbed her wrist and pulled her back in front of him. He put his fingers on her chin to make her look up at him and ran a finger in between her shiny hair locks.

"Sometimes I think you are the smartest woman, but you occasionally act stupid my dear wife. What did you think? That I could just stop loving you?"

"You have, it couldn't be more obvious. You are just scared to admit it."

Sehun sighed and clicked his tongue defensively.

"No, I haven't. I just miss how things used to be initially. All the excitement of being in love, all the kisses and the touches that we no longer do, how we talked for hours. And I know you miss them too Y/N. I don't want to do them with anyone else. I want to do them with you."

Y/N looked deep into his eyes sad and disheartened. Sehun sat back down on the bed and pulled her on his lap. She hesitated but eventually relaxed and wrapped an arm around his neck. Sehun placed his one hand on her waist and the other one on her hips bringing her even closer. Y/N couldn't help but blush as she run her fingers through his periwinkle blue hair. Sehun leaned in and placed a tender kiss on her soft neck. Oh how he missed doing that, especially knowing she enjoyed that, seeing her shudder as a positive reaction. Y/N smiled at him and pulled him in for a deep kiss. It felt as if they hadn't kissed in ages. The truth though was that this was just a very different kind of kiss. A rejuvenating one full of adoration and passion. A moment between two soulmates who were at long last able to breathe each other again. And it felt rather relieving as Sehun realized that all he ever dreamed of was right there in his arms.

Author’s Note: This short story is a metaphorical depiction of how trapped unresolved issues can make 2 partners feel.

Sehun is my ultimate bias and I used to write fanfictions about him and me for EXO's Amino. I decided to patch up the only OneShot I have written so far and post it on here.

Also posted on Archives Of Our Own, AsianFanfics and Wattpad

[btsrmono]

Trial & Error | chapter 6

Main Pairing: (jimin): student/idol x (main): foreign student

Side Pairs: main x taehyung,, main x (nct) jaehyun

PART 5

You and Jimin did start hanging out a little more often after that Sunday. Your relationship grew and you could see the way he would attempt to make you a part of his plans every here and there and not to get you wrong, it wasn't much but it was a start. Not to mention an upgrade from how he used to treat you, which wasn't the worst, looking back at it, but for some reason, you just wanted his attention and he never really gave it to you so you guess you could say you grew bitter feelings towards him because of it.

As for Taehyung, you hadn't seen or heard from him in a couple days which made you worry about what happened. You really wished that he wasn't in trouble because of you. Whenever you asked Jimin about him, he would just tell you not stress over it and that he's okay but that was about it. But Taehyung was your best friend, you just needed to see if he was alright for yourself.

So after school on Friday, you decided you should make your way to their dorm. You had never been there before but you knew their address because Jimin gave it to you to come over a day prior.

When you got to the apartment, you almost didn't want to knock so you just stood at the front door, debating like a weirdo when someone suddenly opened the door.

It was Jungkook. You noticed him from school. You two occasionally talked but you knew very little about him. He never really showed up to school and when he did, he didn't necessarily associate with anybody who wasn't already his friend. But around his members, he seemed really outspoken and loud.

"Hyung, I told you it was her!" he shouted over his shoulder, banana milk in his right hand, slightly smirking at you.

You shyly smiled back, hoping he wouldn't see how nervous you were. Jungkook was one of the most popular boys at your school and in BTS in general. You swear, like, everyone had a crush on this man. And you couldn't blame them to be honest. He was hot.

"We have CCTV," he explained. "Saw you on the camera."

You swiftly nodded your head in understanding. "Ohhh, gotcha." You then looked away awkwardly, finding it hard to look him in the eyes with the way he was smiling at you in a cocky manner.

Just then, Jimin came up. "Yah, stop flirting with her like that," he teased Jungkook, making him laugh as he walked away. Jimin turned to you. "Hey, I didn't know you were coming today, come in."

You did as told and as he locked the door behind you, you took a moment to scan their living room. It was quite cramped and messy, which honestly didn't surprise you but still, something needed to be done about it.

"Jimin, this place is a pigsty," you said in disgust.

Jimin put his hands on his hips and stared at you. "Well, maybe if you told someone you were coming over, miss."

You cocked your head, disapprovingly. "So you mean to tell me you only clean up when you have company?"

He laughed. "What? No. Pfftt--"

"Yes he does," a voice spoke. You turned your head to see where it was coming from only to find a semi tall boy with black hair and tan skin, coming out of one of the rooms. He was wearing red boxers and a white T-shirt. "He never cleans. If and only if someone is coming over and he half asses that too," he continued as he walked to the kitchen.

You started laughing. He looked like he was annoyed at just the thought of it. "I believe it," you said back to him.

Jimin sucked his teeth. "Wow, so you guys are just gonna gang up on me, huh? I see how it is."

You and the boy both laughed before he looked at you fully. "I'm Hoseok," he finally introduced himself.

"I'm y/n," you replied, slightly bowing in his direction. "It's nice to meet you."

"Y/n," Hoseok repeated, slowly scanning over Jimin, grinning. "I see, I see." He looked back at you. "Well, it's nice to meet you too." He then turned around and went to the fridge.

Jimin rolled his eyes. "Let's go to my room," he said before grabbing your arm and pulling you into his room with him. It was small with two bunk beds, stuffed animals scattered around on almost every one.

"Well, wait," you spoke, making him turn around and look at you. "I actually came here to check on Taehyung. Do you know if he's around?"

Jimin's eyebrows raised in realization. "Oh... Taehyungie.. I-I told you he's fine, you don't need to worry about him." He shook his head and sat on his bed.

"I know you said that," you replied, sitting down next to him. "I just want him to know that I'm sorry."

"Sorry for what?"

"Getting him in this mess. He'd be okay if it weren't for me."

Jimin sighed. "It's not your fault, y/n. Or his. You guys didn't do anything wrong. It's just some fans... they... I don't know. But you didn't do anything and he's not mad at you."

You thought about it and he was right. You had no reason to feel guilty but for some reason, you did. "I just want to see him," you whispered, looking down.

You could feel Jimin staring at you as you both sat there in silence for a while. It had to be at least a minute or two before he spoke up again. "He's out right now and I don't know when he's coming back but I can tell him to give you a call."

You shook your head, knowing that there really wasn't any other option.

"And it's okay," he reassured. "We're not even that famous, this will die down in a few days," he laughed. "I honestly am surprised there were people that cared in the first place."

Honestly, this made you feel a little better about the situation. "Hey, don't say that," you chuckled. "You guys will be big one day, I just know it."

"Ha, yeah, right," he said, rolling his eyes and laying back comfortably. "Have you even looked us up? Like at all?"

Your eyes widened as you tried not to burst out laughing. You truly hadn't look them up and you never really thought to until he mentioned it. You suddenly felt like a horrible friend and you guess the fact that you, in fact, hadn't was present on your face because Jimin rose back up and got closer to you, examining your face. "Wow," he said. "You haven't looked us up, have you?" he shook his head in disbelief. "You're a fraud."

You felt like sinking. "I'm sorry?" you attempted to apologize. Eyes closed, he shook his head no. You grunted. "I'll do my research when I get home later. I promise!"

He opened his eyes. "And you have to take me out for ice cream. Maybe then I'll accept this apology."

You sighed at the pettiness but agreed anyway.

After leaving, you went straight home, took a shower, ate, studied, then did your research on the boys like you said you would.

If you were being truthful, you never looked them up, not because you weren’t interested but because you wanted to continue looking at the boys as friends rather than K-pop idols. But alas, you knew the day would come where you would have to see their work someday.

You took a look at the only three music videos it appeared they had. You liked them. Honestly. They were so talented, it left you in shock. You saw some dance videos their company uploaded and was even more in awe. How come they never bragged about their talents? And Jimin's doubting that they're gonna be big? Not a chance in this world, not with that kind of talent.

You also decided to take the time out to listen to their albums. You pretty much watched and listened to them all night long, eventually falling asleep to their music. You now saw why the little amount of fans they had went as hard as they did for the boys. Can't say you could blame them. They were different from other groups and it showed. You knew that with time, they could really be something huge.

~~

The next day at school, you excused yourself to use the bathroom and while heading towards your destination, you saw a familiar face walk by, stopping you in your tracks. He glanced black at you but continued to walk away. Did he really just walk pass me? you thought. You scratched your head in confusion.

"Taehyung," you called, turning around.

He stopped walking and just stood for a while, looking down at the ground. You repeated his name. He turned, an extremely annoyed look on his face. "What?" he asked blandly.

You flinched at his tone. It was much different from the one you were used to hearing from him. "Are you mad at me?" You knew Jimin said he wasn't but you just had to ask because with the way he was acting, it sure seemed like he was.

He sighed.

"You haven't been answering your phone or coming to school," you continued. "I tried to talk to you yesterday but you weren't home... Jimin said he'd tell you to call me."

"He did," he said sternly. "What about it?"

You started to feel sad, as if you were about to cry or something. Your eyes were definitely teary, at most. Taehyung was such a good friend to you, you had never seen him be like that before.

"Tae... What's wrong with you? Why are you acting this way?" you sulked, looking down at the floor.

"I'm not acting any way, y/n. Just leave me alone, alright?"

"What?" You looked back up, your heart beating a bit faster than before. What did he mean leave me alone? "Tae, come on. You don't mean that--"

"I do."

You were at a loss for words. This wasn't like Taehyung at all. He would never be so harsh and he was someone that truly valued every single type of relationship he had, no matter who it was with. This was way too out of his character and that's what caused a tear to drop.

You then heard a tsk as he rolled his eyes and looked slightly away from you, clearly feeling a tad bit guilty. 

"Taehyung, I don't want to lose our friendship over something so dumb," you stated. You had no idea how serious this was and some part of you actually did believe that he wasn't mad at you at some point. But you were wrong. He was mad at you, as you thought the first time. Before Jimin made you believe otherwise.

"It's not dumb, Y/n. My career is in jeopardy. And we're still rookies, it's not too late for them to kick me out--Jesus, why am I even explaining to you?" He scrunched his eyebrows before rolling his eyes once again. "It’s not even like you would get it. I'm leaving. And don't even think about contacting me again. It's best that we both keep our distance so that these rumors clear."

He turned and was ready to walk away before he stopped and turned around one last time. "Oh and that also means staying away from Jimin," he added.

You couldn't believe the attitude from him. It was so usual. What got him so upset? You understood about his career but the way he spoke to you was just so uncalled for. Maybe if it came from someone else's mouth you would have been okay but hearing it from Taehyung's was another story. Feeling hurt, you proceeded to head to the ladies room where you locked yourself in a stall and cried it out in private.

It only last about 30 seconds before you got it together and got out the stall to fix your appearance in the mirror. Your eyes were still puffy and red but at this point, you had been out of class long enough to stall any longer so you made your way back. You re-entered the class just as Mrs. Lim was putting in a movie.

Walking back to your seat, you passed Jimin who was leaning on his desk as if he were about to fall sleep. Until he saw you, that is. He peeped his head up, staring and looking back at you as you sat. His assigned seat was two rows up and one seat left of yours.

You looked at him, looking at you. "What's wrong?" he mouthed, seeming concerned.

You shook your head. "Allergies," you lied. You didn't want him to know. Not only was it embarrassing but you didn't want him and Tae to argue. So you decided to keep things quiet.

A few minutes passed. The lights were out and the movie was now on. Out of nowhere, balled up paper landed on your desk. You already knew it was Jimin.

"Pizza after?" it read. You semi smiled, looking up to a cheeky Jimin. You nodded your head as a ‘yes’, then put the note away and focused on your work for the rest of the class, although it was kind of hard to.

You was honestly just worried about how you and Taehyung would end up after this. You didn't want to stop being friends with him or at least make sure that it didn't end of the way that it did. You felt the two of you still needed to talk regardless, you just needed a plan on how.

A/N: Sigh, poor Y/N. that was a different side of taehyung huh. will they makeup though? stay tuned <3

PART 7

[the-unshaped]

CHAPTER ONE: WELCOME BACK TO BEACON HILLS

Chapter Text

"How's the first day back?"

Stiles Stilinski grinned as his oldest friend, Scott, slapped a strong hand on his shoulder. After what felt like a million years away from each other, he was back, his best friend standing beside him. It was a fantastic feeling.

Walking into the school was bizarre. He had felt nostalgia in the past but nothing to this extent before. Maybe it was because his last school was so much larger, but it seemed like every year they were making noticeable changes. Beacon Hills, on the other hand, was exactly how he remembered. The same white and black speckled linoleum floors, same painted mascot on the walls, same old lockers, same trophy cases lining the main hall.

Stiles was stoked.

Even the classes he'd taken so far, which would have ordinarily bored him since he'd learned a lot of what they were going over already, left him feeling almost giddy. The teachers didn't seem to share the sentiment, but fuck them. He wasn't going to let Finstock calling him Billinski a million times drag him down today.

Stiles and Scott had met up the day before, his dad surprising him with dinner and his childhood best friend as a gift for finishing all his unpacking, but it was even more exciting to know he was going to see him every day. They had talked at least once a week after Stiles finally broke and got Facebook eighth grade year and even more when they both had online gaming, almost every day. It was like they'd never stopped.

Stiles had been begging his dad to move back since the day they left, and he only got more persistent after his reunion with Scott, but no matter how hard he tried to convince him, no dice. That is until his dad's college friend, Adam Wilder, let him know that the Beacon Hills was offering full ride scholarships to the college of their choice to the top 5 graduates and was in need of a new sheriff. Not even John could refuse that kind of help. Despite his worry that he wouldn't be accepted as a transfer, he took a chance and put in an application. A month later and a million moving boxes later, Stiles was leaving his fancy Sacramento apartment and on his way home.

"Not bad, Scott. I've got Dad, my best bud, and my nightmares of a poorly-aged Lydia can finally be absolved because she is still as much of a goddess as the day I left, dare I say more. All is right with the world," he said, eyeing the lean strawberry blonde haired girl down the hall. Scott winced, and pulled at his lock, freeing it from the metal loop before opening it and shoving his math book inside. "I definitely missed this place. What more could I ask for?”

Scott scoffed and scuffed the toes of his shoes against the floor. "I can't imagine why anyone would miss this place."

Stiles eyed him, unsure if he was playing around or not. Leaving Beacon Hills, for him, felt like tearing off a limb, leaving something messy, jagged and bloody in its place. Sacramento hadn't been bad, per se. He made awesome grades and was in a club or two every year. He had some people that could pass as friends he hung out with occasionally, but it wasn't the same as the life he had in Beacon Hills. Also losing a limb, Stiles had survived the initial pain and adapted, but at the end of the day, he knew that it wasn't there and could feel the ache of its absence.

Stiles knew he was meant to be there. It was where he was born m. Where he learned how to tie his shoes and write his name. Where he and Scott made a terrible mess in the kitchen making treats for a fundraiser, and Melissa made them clean all day after school, scolding them even as she ate the last remaining cupcake. It was home.

The only difference between losing a limb and losing Beacon Hills was that there was always a voice in the back of his mind telling him that he could get it back, if only he could convince his dad. It was only a few hours away, and he would eventually be able to choose where he lived. Luckily he hadn't had to wait that long.

Stiles shrugged off Scott's dismissal. "I'm sure you'd miss it once you left."

Stiles closed his locker, and noticed Scott had gone quiet. He took a peek over his shoulder as he clamped his padlock shut and realized he had his eyes trained on an adorable brunette talking to a fierce looking blonde he had noticed earlier in their math class. Stiles looked between them a dorky smirk spreading across his face.

"You are so obvious, man. Your tail is practically wagging."

Scott's eyes shot up, eyebrows knit together. "What?"

"That girl. The brunette. You have your 'unrequited pining' look on your face," Stiles explained, shutting his locker door. Scott frowned, crossing his arms, even as he snuck another peek at her.

"It's not that obvious," Scott muttered.

"I've literally only been here for," he looked at her phone, then back up at Brennan, "three hours and forty-five minutes and I knew the moment you looked at her."

Stiles looked at Scott's downtrodden face then brightened. "Wait, is that Allison? Like love of your life, scary but amazing, Allison?"

The blonde glanced over at them, smirking at Scott. Stiles didn't seem to notice. Even if he had he would have no reason to suspect that she could hear anything he said, but Scott knew differently. He flushed, wrapping his arm around Stiles shoulder, whipping him around to face the lockers in a huddle.

"Dude," Scott hissed. "Keep it down."

"It is her! Holy crap," Stiles laughed. Scott just pouted, his eyebrows still pulled together.

"Yeah, yeah. You're brilliant. Can you shut up now?"

"Come on. You act like people are listening," Stiles said, craning his head around to look at the near bustling halls. "Trust me, we aren't that interesting."

"Speak for yourself. I'm plenty interesting."

"Oh yeah? Let my go ask how interesting you are," Stiles teased. "Yo, All-!"

Scott clamped a hand over his mouth, and Stiles was quick to retaliate.

"Did you seriously just lick me? How old are you? Stiles. Stop it!"

Scott dropped his hand with a scowl, wiping it on his dark jeans.

"I'll have you know, licking people could solve approximately 80% of the world's problems," Stiles said, hitting Scott suggestively. "Speaking of licking, how the hell did you get so built? I thought you sucked at sports."

Scott's scowl bled into a full blown grin, ignoring Stiles' sexual remark. "That was last year. A lot has changed. Now hurry up or we're going to miss lunch. And please try to control yourself a little, okay?"

Stiles gave him a questioning look, but didn't ask. He followed Scott through the halls, weaving through the people, trying to connect names to old familiar faces. Some people were easier to remember than others. He would catch flashes of memories from t-ball and baseball practices, or stories her dad had told him on the car ride here. He had only ever really been close to Scott before they left, but the familiarity was calming in a way he hadn't expected.

Stiles couldn't help but grin when they pushed through the heavy doors to the cafeteria.

The walls were a less than white white, dull and slightly grimy with age. They had long rectangular tables instead of the faux wood round ones at his old school, but honestly he liked these better, even if it was just a bit too much white all together for his taste. Too much like a hospital.

"Wow it hasn't changed at all," Stiles chirped. "I bet Mrs. Green still has that wild chin hair, too."

As if she could hear him, Mrs. Green looked up at him with a scowl. He waved at her excitedly, a lopsided grin painted on his face, and Scott shook his head in amusement.

"Hi, Mrs. Green!"

As they made their way through the food line, Stiles reminisced over the meatloaf and asked if they still had the breakfast pizza with white gravy and sausage balls he loved so much. Scott couldn't help but get secondhand excitement. It had been so long since he had felt normal like this. Not that he didn't like his life or that he didn't enjoy things the way they were, but having a friend that wasn't constantly caught up in his problems was nicer than he had expected it to be.

Stiles continued chattering excitedly up until the moment Scott sat down. At a table. With people. Very hot people. Stiles looked down at Scott with wide eyes, his mouth agape. Lydia Martin. Scott was friends with Lydia fucking Martin? How had this not made it into their text messages?!

Scott cleared his throat, obviously embarrassed.

"Guys, you remember Stiles, right? Stiles, that's Lydia, Allison, Isaac, Jackson, Boyd, and Erica. Cora normally sits with us but I think she-well, actually I'm not sure where she is today."

Stiles' eyes followed down the line, his face flushing. What the fresh hell? Scott was attractive in a totally platonic, nothing sexual way, and he would be blantantly lying if he said he hadn't noticed how fit he was now, but how the hell did they go from being the lanky dorks in class to Scott having supermodel-esque friends?

He immediately recognized some of the faces. Lydia, obviously. Scary hot blonde and Scott's crush, obviously Allison, from the hallway. Then, if his friends being hot wasn't weird enough, he realized with a start who the thin muscular guy was.

"Jackson. Jackson Whittemore? As in the Jackson Whittemore who shoved my Batman figure down the toilet?"

Stiles shook his head incredulously at Scott, like he had been personally victimized by the very thought of his seating partner, and Scott buried his face in his hands. Allison laughed, a musical sound that he had heard about in many different phone calls.

"You shoved his Batman down the toilet?"

Jackson smirked, shrugging slightly.

"Poor guy. So you were always a dick," Erica teased, peeking over the lip of her glass of water.

"We were like 6. I'm sure he's fine," Jackson said, leveling Stiles with a less than pitying glare.

Stiles muttered the contrary gruffly under his breath.

"You sure look tasty. Why didn't you tell us he was so fine, Scott?"

Stiles flushed at the blonde's words, not knowing how to comment to that. He looked to Scott for help, but he just shrugged as if to say, "she's always like this."

The man beside Erica, Boyd if Stiles recalled correctly, rolled his eyes, a knowing look on his face. He wrapped his arm around her and whispered something to her that made her giggle in delight, and Stiles was kind of scared to know what he said to make that noise come out of her.

Stiles, shifted back and forth on his feet, still standing awkwardly near the table holding his tray. He looked at the spot beside Scott, unsure. Out of everything he had prepared for today, this definitely wasn't it.

"You going to sit down Stilinski?" Jackson sneered.

"Actually I was thinking of enjoying my food standing up," Stiles shot back, biting into his roll dramatically. "I'd hate for anything else I love to end up in the toilet."

Scott grabbed the back of his jacket and pulled him down onto the bench with strength Stiles didn't know he had. He scowled but kept his mouth closed.

"Well, it's nice to meet you Stiles," Allison said. "Scott talks about you a lot. Like a lot a lot."

"Well isn't that a coincidence, because-" Scott jabbed him in the ribs as hard as he could under the table. Allison smiled bashfully and Lydia rolled her eyes.

"Ow! Stupid overnight muscles," Stiles muttered, rubbing his side. "Not fair."

"You know you aren't going to be eligible for Valedictorian or Salutatorian right?" Lydia asked suddenly, clamping her compact mirror shut. "The policy is that you have to be present for the entirety of your Junior and Senior year to qualify."

Stiles shrugged, trying to keep his overeager inner 9 year old self at bay. "Yeah my dad wasn't thrilled about that, but I told him I didn't care. My GPA is all that really matters. Well, that and my SATs and ACTs."

Lydia gave him an adorable half smile. "Its a shame. It will be nice to have some competition around, regardless. Scott says you're quite the diligent student."

Stiles gave Scott a look that he was too busy ogling to notice. That was strange. That was the second time they mentioned Scott talking about him, yet he knew nothing about any of them. "Is that right?"

Lydia quirked her head, looking between the two, and made a mental note of it.

The rest of lunch went by fairly smoothly, but Stiles couldn't really focus on the various conversations going on around the table, too busy trying to figure everyone out. He could tell that obviously Erica and Boyd were a couple, despite the remark about his attractiveness. Even surrounded by friends, and them frequently chatting with other people instead of each other, he could almost see the personal bubble they had around themselves, so thick it was almost tangible.

From what he could see, Allison and Lydia seemed to be best friends. He wasn't exactly surprised, pretty people always seemed to attract other pretty people, but the vibes they gave off were very different. They were constantly having silent conversations between themselves, checking for opinions as they listened to other people's stories and laughing at inside jokes together. Luckily for Scott, he noticed her eyes would stray over to him frequently, especially when he would start to laugh over something silly.

The most interesting observation seemed to be that while Stiles was away, Scott, Jackson and Isaac had gotten pretty close. Stiles didn't really remember much about Isaac, but he seemed nice enough. He was actually a lot like Stiles in that he was fairly smart, sarcastic, and generally nice to be around, but he had a air of newly self-built confidence around him.

Jackson was the opposite, but to Stiles' surprise, he wasn't as bad as he remembered. Jackson exuded cockiness, that he expected, but he could tell that Jackson was a lot less of a jerk than he used to be when he handed the rest of his food to Isaac before he even had the chance to ask for it. Stiles figured he would be the hardest one to understand, because nothing he said was actually what he meant.

Stiles' thoughts were interrupted when Scott tried to reel Stiles into a conversation about lacrosse, but Stiles was contented to listen to the three guys recap the season so far.

Stiles gradually started feeling a bit more comfortable than he had in the beginning, but something kept nagging at him in the back of his mind: why had Scott told his friends so much about him, yet Stiles was clueless about them? He had heard about Allison, mostly because that was all he talked about, but why hadn't he ever heard of his friendships with the others, especially after Stiles found out he was going to be moving back? They all seemed close. Really, really close. They talked about hanging out on weekends, going to movies, and playing video games all weekend, yet Stiles couldn't remember a single time Scott ever mentioned them.

It was strange. Stiles knew that it was crazy of him to make assumptions from a few passing comments, but something in his gut told him Scott was hiding something.

"Do you have any classes with us?" Isaac asked, holding out his hand expectantly. Stiles shifted so he could pull his schedule from his back pocket and handed it to him. Isaac and Allison looked over it intently, and Jackson snuck a peek, trying and failing to look like he didn't care.

"Chemistry with Scott and Isaac, Math with Scott and Erica, most of the classes with Boyd or Erica if not both, AP classes with Me and Lydia. How did you manage not to have a single class with Jackson?" Allison asked.

"Lucky I guess," Stiles grinned.

Jackson rolled his eyes and Scott elbowed him again. Stiles sucked in air through his teeth and rubbed it until the pain faded. #WorthIt.

"So Scott said your dad is the new Sheriff," Boyd said. It was the first time Boyd had spoken out loud.

"Yeah, he was a deputy here when we lived here before. I guess enough people remembered him from back in the day that when he was nominated, people accepted him."

"Did he tell you how the position opened up?"

Everyone at the table stopped, and eyes were on him. If they were trying to seem subtle, they had definitely failed. Fortunately, though, this Stiles had anticipated. He considered whether he should divulge his true opinions or keep his ideas to himself. After an encouraging nod from Scott, he shrugged.

"Dad told me what they are telling people happened, yeah," he said.

Boyd's flitted to Scott, then he forced a small smile.

"You say that like you don't believe the story."

"I don't."

Boyd looked at him expectantly, as if waiting for him to elaborate. Erica squeezed his arm gently, not tearing her eyes from Stiles, keeping her expression soft. Scott gave him a look and Stiles relented.

Stiles sighed. "My Dad is going to kill me." He looked up to the ceiling as if he were praying for strength to survive. "They are saying it was a mugging or something near the park. That the guy was at the wrong place at the wrong time, got his stuff taken and killed for his trouble."

"That's what I heard too. Sounds reasonable enough, right?" Allison asked, laughing nervously.

Stiles scoffed. "Sure, if he was getting mugged by Wolverine. I haven't seen the crime scene photos yet, but from the conversations I've heard the last few days about the absolute carnage left behind, I don't see how it could be just a simple mugging. They're missing something, they just don't want to admit it yet."

Stiles pretended not to notice Scott tensing beside him. It was no secret Scott wasn't a fan of blood, but he didn't want to embarrass him by pointing it out.

"What does that even mean?" Lydia asked.

"What does what mean?"

"Mugged by Wolverine?"

"Wolverine. You know. X-Men. Wolver-you don't-you don't know who Wolverine is?" Stiles asked, his hands flailing then falling flat on the table, his eyebrows furrowed in distress.

She gave him an incredulous look, her perfect curls bouncing as she shook her head. He ran his hand down his face.

Jackson handed Lydia his phone and her lips turned down. "Man in tights. Not bad."

Allison rolled her eyes and the bell rang, signaling the end of lunch.

"Nice to meet you, again, Stiles," Allison said again, grabbing her bag and pulling it over her shoulder.

"Yeah, yeah, it was truly a pleasure. I need to borrow your calculator so let's go," Jackson said, ushering her away. Scott huffed beside him, and Stiles rolled his eyes. Scott was as oblivious as always.

*****

Everything was messed up.

Cora honestly couldn't decide which was worse, living states away with a bunch of strangers that she couldn't get along with to save her life, or finally being able to come home and dealing with all the frivolous drama that came with it.

Don't get her wrong, she was glad that Derek allowed her to come back home. She loved him and she was really glad that finally someone was starting to treat her like an adult, but having to deal with school and her brother's complicated Pack dynamics was stressful.

Being back home was annoying. Living in South America was worse.

Being away from her home, the last bit of family she had left, it had almost killed her. She didn't want to eat. She couldn't sleep. When she did sleep, it was interrupted by nightmares. Often times she would wake up in the dark, thinking the smoke had enveloped her completely. If that weren't enough, she felt more isolated than she had in her whole life. She was the only human in the Pack, which she was used to, but at least when she was home she was bonded with her family.

She sat in the library, head in her hands, trying not to think about all of the homework assignments that were piling up. Derek had said school was one of the conditions to her moving back in with him, but what exactly did that mean? What was he going to do when she got her grades back? Was he going to ship her back off like Laura had? Would he even feel bad?

She sighed. That wasn't fair. Derek had never wanted her to go, but when Laura decided on something, there wasn't really anything anyone could do to change her mind. As much as Cora didn't want to, she was going to have to talk to him. Good thing talking about feelings was a Hale family specialty.

When the bell rang for lunch, she rolled her eyes. As if her brother and his Pack didn't have enough to argue about, Scott's token human friend was supposed to have his first day today. Not that she wasn't curious what all the hype was about, but she didn't understand why Scott was fighting so hard to let his friend in on all their secrets when he was constantly pointing out how dangerous it was to let Cora stay here.

So, just to spite him, she was here, continuing to work on homework she didn't know how to do, and was too stubborn to ask for help with.

Before she knew it, lunch was over with only a little bit of progress to show for it. She walked begrudgingly to Chemistry, knowing that Harris was probably going to pester her about her revisions from their lab the previous week.

Cora walked to her spot, sitting down, dramatically opening her Chemistry book. Her up and coming best friend, Nina, nudged her with her shoulder has she settled in beside her.

"Did you hear there was a new senior?"

"Unfortunately," She replied icily, pulling a snack from her bag. Nina gave her an odd look. She interpreted it as "what the fuck is up with you?" despite the fact that Nina would never actually use those words. "Apparently he's going to be hanging around my brother's group."

"Oh," Nina smirked, knowingly. "The Hot Hale Harem?"

Cora almost choked on her granola bar, making Nina's smirk grow to a full on grin. "What the hell is wrong with you?"

"You love me."

Cora rolled her eyes, but she couldn't help but laugh with her. Nina was different, but she honestly found it kind of refreshing. It was hard for her to remember to think about normal things like boys and shopping, but Nina didn't mind pulling her into her normie girl stuff.

"So, I was thinking," Nina started.

Cora took a deep breath. "No."

"You didn't even hear what I was going to say," she pouted.

"Fine. It'll still be a no, but continue."

"So you know how we have that test on Friday? I was thinking we could invite the guys to study with us."

(Find the rest on AO3 href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27811303"><strong>The Unshaped</strong></a> (16100 words) by <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/Infernal_panda"><strong>Infernal_panda</strong></a><br />Chapters: 2/?<br />Fandom: <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/tags/Teen%20Wolf%20(TV)">Teen Wolf (TV)</a><br />Rating: Not Rated<br />Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence<br />Relationships: Derek Hale/Stiles Stilinski, Allison Argent/Scott McCall, Vernon Boyd/Erica Reyes<br />Characters: Stiles Stilinski, Derek Hale, Scott McCall (Teen Wolf), Isaac Lahey, Lydia Martin, Jackson Whittemore, Vernon Boyd, Erica Reyes, Sheriff Stilinski, Melissa McCall, Peter Hale, Cora Hale, Laura Hale<br />Additional Tags: BAMF Stiles, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Pining, Underage Drinking, Fluff, Angst, Fluff and Angst, Romance, Friendship, Humor, Slow Burn, Slow Build, Supernatural Elements, mentions of abuse, eventually, Happy Ending<br />Summary: <p>After leaving Beacon Hills at age 8, Stiles never stopped feeling the indescribable pull, beckoning him back home. A new Sheriff position opening up gives him the chance to move back, and it’s everything Stiles ever wanted. He has his dad, his best friend, and he’s back where he belongs. </p><p>His first day back doesn’t exactly go as planned, and now he is finding that he was even less normal than he thought. </p><p>****</p><p>A Hale Pack fanfic with all of our lovable characters as they try to integrate Stiles into their wolfyhood and crazy monster-filled lives with Stiles as their unknowing magic friend, and a bit of intertwined fates to keep things interesting )

[caranfindel]

Recap/review 14.18: “Absence”

THEN: I am a Winchester! Which means I do awful and wonderful things! Like saving Sam (Saaaaaammmm!!!) and torturing Nick and doing Something Bad to Mary! And possibly losing my soul! Whoopsie!

NOW: Sam and Dean are just getting back to the bunker after the events of the previous episode. I assume they've given Donatello a ride home (which, as we've established, is x hours away), but maybe they stuck him in a cab like they did with Claire that one time. Maybe they found a car for him back at the abandoned warehouse. Sam drops his bag on the map table and they both start calling for Jack and Mary, but aren't too terribly concerned about them not being there. "They probably just stopped for a bite on the way back," Dean hypothesizes, when they settle in the library with a couple of beers. Um. Jack zapped them to Nick's cabin, didn't he? So what is on the "way back?" Are they going to zap to a McDonald's first? What is important is that Sam is still wearing that orange plaid shirt. And they're both pretty unperturbed, even for them, about what just happened.

Here's to another miraculous Sam Winchester survival. Gotta say, man, if Jack hadn't have healed you... you know, lately, it feels like we'd be up the creek without that kid. I mean, first he takes care of Michael, and then Nick...

I know, and he even got the blood out of my new orange plaid shirt, which means I can keep wearing it for this entire episode.

Yeah, I been meaning to talk to you about that. You've been adding a lot of orange to your wardrobe lately.

Just this shirt and that one jacket.

It's more orange than anyone needs. Sure, it fits you great, but so does that red and black plaid. Why don't you wear that shirt some more? Or that solid black shirt you have?

Sorry, but you know I'm a Texas fan. You're just going to have to put up with the orange.

At least I think that's how the conversation went. I could be remembering wrong.

I'm just saying. It's a lot of orange.

The point is, Dean appreciates Jack and recognizes everything he's done for them. Dean pulls out his phone to call her and they hear a buzzing, which is her phone, on the map table, right to Sam's bag. Sam, I know you're recently back from the dead (or near-dead) but it does seem like you would have noticed the phone there. (Also, how close is the library to war room? This makes it look like the map table is practically in the library.) Her keys are next to her her phone, and it's not until this very moment that I realize they didn't know she and Jack zapped to the cabin - they must have thought she and Jack drove there. Because obviously they didn't have a lot of conversation about it. Even though they had a long drive back and it does seem like Sam would have called his mother and asked how their end went.

Anyway. They're perturbed now. Sam tries to call Jack and we see him, staring, ignoring Sam's call.

Title card! (ha ha, I forgot we were still in the Now.)

The guys are making phone calls to all their contacts, and Sam reports Rowena has a spell that might be able to track Jack down. Oh, I love that Sam calls Rowena for help. LOVE IT. Dean gets a call from Cas and gives him the scoop. "Were they together?" Cas asks. “Alone?" Cas looks more Cassy than usual, and then tells Dean about the snake. "I don't think Jack is well, Dean," he says. Dean hangs up on him, which seems kind of rude, but neither he nor Sam act like the snake story is particularly significant. Then Sam gets the brilliant idea to track Jack's phone. (Sidebar: Should Cas be able to use his angelic powers to locate Mary and/or Jack? Discuss.)

Sam fires up the phone tracking website and expositions that they should be able to track him as long as his phone has power. (Listen, guys. You need Find My Friends. Best parent app EVER. It locates him in Nepal, but then he immediately appears in Peru. "Jack's flying," Sam says.

Eventually Jack tires of Paris and Lima and Madagascar and and flops to the ground back at the Cabin of Death, next to Nick's stolen truck. He pulls out his phone, revealing a low battery (so much for that plan, Sam) and several missed calls and messages from the rest of TFW 2.0. He has some flashbacks to happier times with Mary, and then in the background we notice someone standing on the porch of the cabin. They're wearing jeans, and their face is hidden in the darkness, and I'm open to the possibility that Jack actually zapped Mary somewhere instead of killing her (and according to the 14.17 poll, some of you are also open to this), so for a second I think it's going to be Mary standing there. But no.

On the TV:

Nick?

Hmm. Guess again. Hello, son.

At my house:

OH FUCK.

?

Sorry. I'm just really tired of him.

So, after Jack left to do more important things (Saaaaaaammmmmm!!!!), Lucifer made it back into the world? I mean, this is awful, but it would mean Lucifer is the Big Bad instead of Nick, so... not ALL awful? But it's not Lucifer either - "I'm your subconscious, or whatever," he says. Oh god, it's Hallucifer. Jack has his own version of Hallucifer, JUST LIKE HIS PRIMARY DAD. He's here to help, allegedly, though he doesn't seem all that helpful. "Buddy, you killed Mary Winchester. You cannot come back from that, and you know it." Well. I guess she's officially dead, then. Or is she? Where's the body? I mean, Hallucifer is just Jack's subconscious. So if Jack thinks he killed Mary, so does Hallucifer. That doesn't make it so. Jack tells Hallucifer that it was an accident, and he's all, sure, tell Sam and Dean that, I'm sure they'll understand. (It's funny because it's not true!)

Cut to the Winchesters, driving through the night. Sam expositions that Cas will meet them at the cabin (how do any of them even know where this cabin is?) and speculates that maybe Lucifer is behind whatever happened, not Jack. And maybe Jack thought he was being kind when he killed the snake. Because Sam is grasping for anything that exonerates his son (sob!). But Dean's not accepting it and doesn't want to talk about it. Then Sam's laptop or tablet or whatever he's using beeps with notification that Jack's signal has been lost. Uh oh. (So I guess that's how they found the cabin?) Oooh, yes, we actually get confirmation that it's in Longton "KA" (which doesn't exist and I suspect is supposed to be KS, SERIOUSLY, GUYS).

Longton KANSAS is 4.5 hours from Lebanon. In case anyone but me is curious.

When they get to the cabin, there's no sign of Jack or Mary or Hallucifer. Just the stolen truck. Sam goes inside and Dean looks outside and oh, who's going to be the one to find the body? First I'm sure it's going to be Sam, because there's a lumpy pile of blankets on the bed, but it must just be blankets, and Sam doesn't even look under them. He does find a body, but it's Nick, not Mary. And then I'm sure it's going to be Dean, because he comes across something disturbing outside and ignores Sam's calls. But what he found is... well, it's hard to see what it is in the dark. Apparently it's a blast zone. A big one.

Cas is sitting in his truck somewhere, having his own warm and fuzzy Mary flashback where she eats a candy bar after a hunt without washing her hands and refuses to let Cas heal her because she's still a little bit afraid of him. He tells her that, no matter what other things there are to deal with, Sam and Dean are glad she's here. "Finally they don't have to be so alone." Wow, that's a dumb thing to say. Mary agrees with me and says "Castiel, they were never alone. And if they were, me being here wouldn't fix that, since I'm always off doing other things." That's how I remember it, anyway. Reverie over, Cas gets out of the truck to face the music - he's at the Cabin of Death.

Inside, Sam is covering Nick's body. He and Dean have some concerned conversation about whether Nick deserved whatever Jack did to him and conclude that Jack must have made it as painful as possible or otherwise killed him in some inappropriate way. And there are very good, valid reasons for them to come to this conclusion. I mean, I can't think of them right now, after watching the episode twice and ruminating for several hours, but I'm sure something will come to me very soon. Let me just go check my Tumblr feed again. I bet they're there.

(Seriously. Nick looks like he was burned out by an angel. That's all.)

They're surprised when Cas walks in, because they didn't hear his giant truck or see his headlights in the dark Cabin of Death. They tell him they haven't found anything except the blast site that looks like something "angelic, but bigger." Dean theorizes that it could have been Lucifer, but Sam points out that Jack said he took care of Lucifer, and I'm not sure why they've reversed their positions. Because in the car, Sam was the one who thought it might have been Lucifer. Script mix-up? Someone brought Jensen the wrong pages? Anyway. Dean says "If he did something to her, if she is... then you're dead to me." Pointing as Cas, because Cas knew something was wrong with Jack. Well, that hardly seems fair. When he first told you the snake story, Dean, you didn't think it meant anything at all. But NOW, all of a sudden, it was some ironclad harbinger of doom?

"I was scared. I believed in Jack for so long. I believed that he was good. I knew that he would be good for the world. He was good for us. My faith in him, it never wavered, and then I saw what he did. It wasn't malice, it wasn't evil, it was like Jack saw a problem and he solved it, with that snake. What he did wasn't bad. It was the absence of good, and I saw that in him. But we were a family and I didn't want to lose that..."

And I'm going to stop here, because this is the most important part of Cas's speech. This is the core issue. Jack's not bad, he just might not be good either. He thought he was doing the right thing. And he's family. Is any of this familiar, Dean? Any of it at all? Cas also says that he wanted to "fix it" on his own, so he left and didn't tell anyone. Neither brother asks how he thought he was going to fix it, but I guess they'll get the story of the failed faux Samulet someday. Right now we just have Sam looking sad and guilty and Dean looking angry and guilty but mostly angry.

Sam's phone rings - it's Rowena. She says she was unable to scry Jack because "his energy is too unstable; it's like looking at the sun." And as for Mary? "I don't know what happened, or where she is, but I can tell you with certainty - Mary Winchester is no longer on this earth." At this point, I'm still ready to accept that she's been zapped to a different dimension. I mean, there's no body. But TFW accepts it as her being dead, and Dean starts throwing furniture and Sam is despondent and flinchy (and hoo boy, I love that combination.)

So what do we do?

What do we always do when we lose one of our own?

Bad things. Very bad things. He declares "we fight to bring them back." And they will call on Rowena, because "she's got the Book of the Damned; she's resurrected herself more times than we can count." (Not to quibble, but we've only seen her resurrected twice. You yourself have been resurrected more times than that, Dean.) He orders Cas to go to Heaven and find Mary, and orders Sam to tell Rowena they're on their way. Mmmm, angry bossy Dean. I like that combination too.

Another thing I like about this scene is that it's one of those times when Sam turns into the little brother. When he looks at Dean and asks "what do we do," because that's how this works.

So much to like.

We go to Rowena's place, and if you're wondering where she lives and how far it is from the Cabin of Death, you're not alone. She's working away on her spell, though it sounds like she says cumin so maybe it's actually a chili recipe, when someone bangs on her door. "That was fast," she says. But when she answers the door... oh god, it's Jack, and for the first time in this episode I actually feel some concern. DO NOT HURT HER, JACK. (Rowena, I apologize for not appreciating you when you first arrived on the scene. I adore you now and you must remain.)

She pretends she doesn't know what happened, asking if he's well and telling him 2/3 of his dads are looking for him. He admits he accidentally killed Mary by just thinking it for a second and oh, imagine how horrible that would be, if the awful things that popped into your mind for one second actually came to pass. Or maybe I have more intrusive thoughts than y'all do. Anyway. "I need to undo it," he says. "You need to help me undo it." She explains that the magic she normally uses has to be in place before you die, so he suggest the book (I adore the way she says book) and she tells him about the spell. It requires "enormous power" but simple ingredients that could probably be found in the bunker.

Someone bangs on the door again - it's Dean. Jack accuses her of stalling, but they only talked for like 90 seconds, so, okay. She asks him to talk to his "kin," but he grabs her arm. Sam kicks the door in (with hair in his face and yes it is hot) but it's too late - Jack has zapped her out.

Sadly, I have not found a gif yet, so this will have to do.

Cut to Cas at the Stairway to Heaven, calling for Naomi. No one responds.

Jack and Rowena appear in the bunker, and he pulls her along, but happens to notice some gouges in the floor. And now we get another flashback. Mary is trying to teach him how to handle a knife, and he keeps dropping it on the floor. She's all sweet and supportive and blah blah blah, and Jack says Dean will kill him for gouging the floor when they get him back, so this must be during the Michael!Dean period. Mary pulls the table over to cover the damaged floor, but who is that in the background? It's bearded Sam! Oh, long lost Beard of Despair! How I've missed you! (Is it fake? Is it real? Was this a deleted scene? Or did they plan for what was coming, and film this before he shaved it off? Does Jared just grow a beard that quickly? I DO NOT CARE.)

He feels bad for not being there for Jack while he was busy looking for Dean, and then he apologizes for complaining to her. But she's relieved not to be the only one with "parental guilt." Because they went through so much without her, and then things were "complicated" when she got back. "I'm just saying, parenting is always a struggle. You always feel like you're failing, but then you look at them, and somehow, they're amazing. Somehow, they're literally the bravest, kindest, most heroic men on the planet." Well, this is true. Very true. And I'm glad she's giving Sam the praise and validation he SO deserves but come on, Mary. What do you know about parenting? You did it for four years. When did you feel like you were failing six-month-old Sam?

YES, MARY, I WANT TO TOUCH IT TOO

Fade to Sam. Interesting that Jack's warm fuzzy flashback turned into Sam's. (It's because Sam is his primary dad! It is known!) They're still at Rowena's, and Dean is still ranting about Cas not telling them about the snake. EVEN THOUGH DEAN DIDN'T CARE ABOUT THE SNAKE WHEN CAS FIRST TOLD HIM.

Cas, Cas should have told us. As soon as he saw Jack going Dahmer on his stupid snake, he should have told us.

Dean, it wasn't just Cas. We knew Jack was dangerous. We always knew. Long before he killed Michael. You more than anyone. I mean, from the very beginning you knew. But, you know, we fell for him, because he had a good heart and a good soul. And then, he didn't. And that's on me, too, by the way. I mean, I'm the one that made the call to bring him back. He didn't ask for that. I decided for him. And you warned me.

Oooh. Sam. No. Because:

1) Dean didn't KNOW from the very beginning. He was, in fact, WRONG at the very beginning, when he thought Jack was evil. Jack was not evil, and you insisted on giving him a chance, and YOU WERE RIGHT. Jack becoming "evil" in the future (and he's not even EVIL, he's just naive and untrained and too powerful for his own good) wasn't anything Dean predicted.

b) Dean didn't exactly fight very hard to stop Sam from bringing Jack back. Seems like most of his concern was that it wouldn't work, not that it was a bad idea in and of itself.

Then Sam says "You know, after Maggie and the other hunters died, I just left. I just dumped Jack on Cas and left." Well, I'm not a big fan of "Maggie and the other hunters" (reminds me too much of "Sting and the Police" and I don't know why Maggie - or Sting - were so damn special that they deserved to be singled out as the only ones in the group with a name), but I also don't have any memory of Sam leaving after Michael killed the other hunters. And when he did, he wanted to take Jack, but Dean wouldn't let him. But Sam says he knew something was going to happen and he's wallowing in guilt. Dean admits that he also knew there was a risk, because of what Donatello told him about not being sure. Well, thank Chuck for that. I'm glad Dean's not letting Sam shoulder all the blame for something that wasn't his fault.

Angry Dean and sad Sam, two things I adore.

Back at the bunker, Rowena is gathering her cumin and other ingredients. Jack's getting impatient, and she tells him that she could have fought him, but she didn't. "Because you want the same thing the boys want. That I want." This is a beautiful, beautiful moment, with Rowena wanting what "the boys" want, but it's interrupted by Hallucifer, who doesn't even know why Jack is doing any of this. "To ease your guilt? But you don't have guilt any more, do you, Jack? Admit it. You don't feel anything any more." Well. Everything Hallucifer says comes from Jack's head, so what do we think about this? Does Jack really not feel anything any more? I disagree. If he didn't feel anything, if he didn't want Mary back, if he didn't care about forgiveness, why would he even bother? So I think our boy does feel something. Rowena is disturbed by Jack talking to his hallucination, but she carries on and finishes the spell. They have everything they need except the body. Oh.

Stairway to Heaven. Cas isn't going anywhere until Naomi talks to him. Someone finally shows up, but it's Duma.

Where's Naomi?

Well, I'd tell you it's none of your business, but you already know it's none of your business. Naomi just gets paid more than I do, and we've already got all the regular guest stars in this episode, so we had to cut some corners.

At least that's how I remember it. She tells him Mary is at peace in "a special Heaven" and "is complete" and he should just let her be.

Jack takes Rowena to the Cabin of Death, but Mary's body isn't there. He thinks she should be able to complete the spell anyway, but she says she can't. He wants to do it himself, but she says he's in no shape, and "disposition affects execution." She tells him that whatever he brings back won't be Mary, and refuses to help him and OH I'M CONCERNED FOR HER AND HE REACHES OUT AND PUSHES HER and she just ends up being shoved back into her apartment. WHEW. She calls Sam and tells him what Jack is doing, and that it won't work because there's no body, and Jack has snapped and they need to stop him." Necromancy is a delicate art, unpredictable under ideal circumstances. In his state, I fear your boy will bring back something terrible." WELL, THAT'S ENCOURAGING. (Also, Rowena is hilarious in this scene.)

Jack sits in the corpse-less blast zone and performs the ritual and a huge swirling purple cloud appears overhead and I'm thinking, is this our out? Is Jack going to summon something awful, something that can be the Big Bad so he doesn't have to? Please? He notices the Impala nearby, and uses his powers to stop it in its tracks. Luckily it's just right outside the cabin. Sam and Dean run toward him, and we see him looking down at whatever he has summoned, but he doesn't look happy about it. Neither do the Winchesters. "It didn't work," he says, before zapping out.

Oh, the thing he brought back is Mary. Well, Mary's corpse, apparently. Dean holds her and finds her still dead, and he's sad and we get his flashback, which is just Mary leaning on him, asleep in the car, and then Sam comes and holds Dean as he holds Mary and everybody's sad, we're all sad, so terribly terribly sad and we get a crane shot and it's a very lovely scene but I can't help thinking um, correct me if I'm wrong, but we do have that missing piece now, right?

Jack ends up at some industrial kind of place, where Hallucifer tells him there's no going back. "Cas, Sam, Dean, they're never going to trust you again. And you know what that means. You can never trust THEM." And oh, this is Jack's head telling him that. Poor baby.

Bunker. Sam has his box of treasures and he's looking at the few remaining family photos. He looks up, full of hope, when Cas comes in. But Cas tells him Mary is in Heaven and at peace. Dean shows up in time to hear this, and asks if he's just going to take Duma's word for it, because she's a known liar and also might possibly be that dude from The Empty. He says no, he actually saw Mary's Heaven, and we see her door with the dates 1954-1983 and 2016-2019 on it, which of course begs the question of what Sam and Dean's doors are going to look like.

He says he saw her with John (way to bury the lede, Cas), and they're full of joy. But was it really John? Haven't we established that most people are in their own individual Heavens, and if she has a John, it's just an avatar? I mean, John's name wasn't on the door. And I expect Dean, at least, to insist they try to bring her back anyway. But Sam says Rowena told him that what Jack brought back was just an empty replica, "incapable of holding life." (I mean, I feel like that sometimes.) "So what are we supposed to do now?" he asks. And again, Sam is looking to Dean to lead them through this, and yet he's got to know what they SHOULD do. He's got to be thinking of Mary, safe and happy in Heaven, and of ripping someone (anyone, no one in particular, right Sam?) away from that and forcing them to continue on Earth just because you can't be without them. He's got to be thinking of that.

"What we always do," Dean says. And the last time he said that, in this very episode, it meant we do something awful, we throw our own lives away or make some horrible bargain or damn the world in order to bring her back. But this time, it just means that we give her a hunter's funeral. And Sam doesn't look like he was ready for that after all.

So Mary gets a very dramatic pyre, and a montage? Did anyone else get a montage? Ellen, Jo, Bobby, Kevin, Crowley? JOHN? ANYONE? A FREAKING MONTAGE? NO. Grrr. Cas tries to get closer to Dean and Sam puts out a hand and stops him. Also, Sam burns a photo of her and I don't know why.

And finally, we cut to the library table where Sam and Dean carved their initials and we see they are joined by a M.W. Um. What about John? Didn't he get to carve his intials? (NO. Those are only for people who get a montage.)

Also, now that I'm going back to get screencaps, it doesn't look like her intials were there at the beginning of the episode. So she didn't carve them, one of the guys did. And not Dad's? Cold, boys.

You know, last week, like, five or ten minutes before the end of the episode, I thought if Jack hadn't cemented his place in Dean's heart already, he's certainly there now. Because he saved Sam. No matter what else Jack did or is doing or will do, he saved Sam. And I want someone to point that out. I want Sam to say "no, I'm not ready to give up on him, and you realize the only reason I'm here to argue with you is because Jack saved me, right? And if he is soulless, he lost it by saving our asses, right?" (Is this because I watched "Clip Show" a couple of days ago and watched Sam frantically try to soothe Sarah as she died from Crowley's handiwork, and I want Jack to get the same kind of second chance that Crowley got? Maybe.) Now, I realize killing Mary is more awful than anything Crowley (or any other enemy-turned-frenemy) has done to them. But it was an accident. And HE SAVED SAM'S LIFE. Come on. That counts for something.

(Sidebar: We also learned, in that scene back in season 8, that Crowley's mother was a witch. {blows a big wet kiss to the Continuity Fairy})

So, how do I feel about Mary being gone? Here's the deal. This show, at its heart, is about two (or three) men who have a giant bleeding Mary Winchester-sized hole in their lives. Filling that hole does not make for good television. And the Show tried to make her interesting and edgy by playing against what we thought we knew about her (she can't cook! she can't stay away from hunting! she sleeps with both Arthur Ketch and New Bobby!), it tried to make her both a source of conflict and a source of comfort, and ultimately (as far as I'm concerned) it just failed. She was so much more effective as that siren song of the impossible apple pie life. I said earlier and I'll repeat it here... the fact that they had to retcon all of these warm fuzzy flashbacks, instead of using actual clips, just shows how shallow these relationships were. There wasn't anything real to fall back on. And the way they spend these two episodes trying to make us care? It had the opposite effect on me. I'm glad to be shed of her.

But maybe that's just me. Maybe absence will make the heart grow fonder. We shall see. Come on and tell me what you think, and remember, no spoilers in the comments, please!