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accidentally caused myself to get a stomach ache by vividly imagining myself eating the burger i was planning on having for dinner tomorrow

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in celebration of april 13, i present all four known photos of neil, who banged out the tunes 19 years ago today

source: theagilerat.com (click right to see all four photos!)

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MANIFESTING SO HARD let us know how it goes

First date today, she's so pretty let's manifest I do not fumble catastrophically

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my wife and i like to torture each other when we lay down for bed at night by tickling or poking each other. as a deterrent we’ve created an entity called “The Bird” which will attack you as a way to show we’re no longer comfortable with whatevers happening. we’ll say “The Bird is coming” or “The Bird is going to get you” instead of “hey stop doing that” then we peck each other with our hands. here’s a visual to help

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i will give tiktok one concession and that is that it has spawned a comment that contains a phrase that i think of often at relevant moments: pack it up boys we've made a social blunder

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playing erdtree with my pal we get invaded by someone named "Drip Inspector" and im like "waitwaitwait. ok lets just pose leaning back to back and wait for them to show up maybe our outfits will be so good they wont kill us"

so we wait until they show up and then they get reaaaal close to us . and then pull out their telescope and start circling around us and zooming in for a good 30 seconds. then they clap, use the "wonderful" and "youre beautiful" prattling pates, and jump off a cliff. invader vanquished

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90s anime women were so fucking beauitful god bless. i miss them so much

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Navy seal in action

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ITS APRIL 13 YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS

FETCH ME NEIL

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Tree roots following the pattern of concrete footpaths

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fucking goldfish tiktok made me cry bro

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a customer returned a drink because a fly flew into it and said: “one of your flies flew into my drink” and my coworker was so confused that they just said: “…my fly?”

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my mom doesnt like the word Piss bc its crass but the fact of the matter is that when our cat shoots a perfectly horizontal beam of urine hard as fuck straight over the top of the litter box she does not Pee. she Pisses

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Would you like to buy his wares?

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have you guys done that “what kind of reader are you” quiz and if so what did you get

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???