#because I know. I know Garak is the obvious answer

[youngpettyqueen]

I think if you asked Julian who the worst patient on DS9 is his answer would change depending on the day but if you asked literally any other member of the medical staff they would all say "Doctor Bashir" with absolutely no hesitation

[bijoumikhawal]

I've gotten tired of making a post like this every few months so let's just fire a few of these off, and feel free to add on! Tropes you should at minimum reconsider using when you write or talk about Julian Bashir:

Mentions of "harem" pants, "Arabian nights" aesthetics, etc. These are improper terminology (that feeds into racist ideas) for real things, and when using that terminology those things are often being misrepresented. For my part, if you would actually like to know about the material culture of the Middle East and North Africa, I'm a "hobby" researcher of that very topic and will readily answer asks about it- with the caveat that I mostly know about Egypt, and I'm not the best person to ask about Sudanese specific culture even though I know a little, and I don't know much about Indian or Pakistani fashion (mentioning because these seem to be the most common cultures brought up around Julian).

comparisons to monkeys, apes, the word "simian". This should be obvious but it happens a fair amount, and it's almost comedic given a common trope is to comment on how much Garak hates being compared to a lizard.

This is separate but the way some people use mammalian tips from writing xenofic and trying to understand how an alien would think and categorize things into something that feels very exoticifying. It's not a "full stop, do not do this" but it is something I've noticed

Jokes about how undesirable Julian is. He's the exception that proves the rule about fandom's obsession with white twinks and a rare example of a brown nerd who isn't pinned into the "Couldn't sleep with a woman if they were the last two people on earth" box. I'm not saying we can't make fun of how he flirts just- Stay clear of Raj BBT territory

Conversely: my most hated garashir trope is when the author makes Julian's libido a problem by making him inconsiderate, cruel, and outright manipulative in service of his dick, and the writing often makes it clear they're connecting this to his masculinity. Julian does do some really stupid shit when it comes to his relationships, but this particular way of trying to incorporate this into writing him is just OOC, and you need to not confuse writing Julian's canonical robust and healthy sex life with negative stereotypes about lecherous Black and brown men. There's fics that pull off Julian being a bit of a dick or manipulative well- such as Salt the Earth or the ageswap series (at least where I last left off on it).

making his eyes green or blue. I have the same eye color as Siddig, more or less, and while it's technically hazel (or olive, as some people call it) most people think it's brown and most lighting makes it look brown. If you look at screencaps of Julian, you'll notice it also most of the time, looks brown. This sounds minor if you haven't experienced it, but it has a real and very negative impact on people's self image.

Older one but to be clear: if you're writing Julian as explicitly Muslim, find and replacing "god" with "allah" in English text is not how Muslims (or Arabic speakers in general) use the word? It is really funny to read, but please...

Over focusing on Julian as British. There's a long, LONG conversation that could be had about the dynamics of assimilation and how European racism (ime) very specifically views it as progressive to strip people of their culture and thinks they're causing the problem if they don't go along with it that would need its own post and which I've had with white fans before and feel exhausted thinking about- but to put it simply, there is no such thing as "just British", even for white Englishmen.

Yes the inverse is also wrong but I really haven't read a fic newer than 2014 guilty of that lmao and I think some of the more recent complaints about it are overblown, given I've read only a few fics recently published that delve into Julian as a Brown/African Person and I enjoyed them

I would personally appreciate it if fic writers were a little more balanced about cultural discussions honestly. If you write a lot about Cardassian culture, it'd be nice if Julian’s background was discussed. I won't say that kind of research is easy (again, I do this as a "hobby" that's very important to me, it's actually really annoying and difficult sometimes), but it is possible. I recently talked about how not doing this kind of mentally slots Julian into a "white guy" role.

This is not a matter of me policing your "artistic expression". I have no control over what you do. I would just like for fandom, a hobby I do for fun, to be a place where people stop being racist in a way that directly impacts me.

[basingstokemercury]

Okay. They asked for it, and I am unleashed.

All those seasons of noting and storing every tiny hint, finally put to good use.

I present:

Why That Twist makes no sense at all.

(spoilers for DS9 S5E16, and many episodes along the way. this is a thorough analysis of everything wrong with that episode's revelation.)

First, I'll go over what little may support this plotline.

We know that Bashir either has no family or a poor relationship with them.

Evidence:

Armageddon Game - When Sisko believes Bashir has been killed, he asks Dax to "find out how I can contact Julian's family". Clearly this isn't a family he speaks about much or has introduced to his Starfleet circle.

Homefront - Before Odo leaves for Earth, O'Brien asks him to check on his family. Odo asks Bashir if he can do a similar favour, and is answered negatively.

However...

In "Melora", Bashir says his father was a Federation diplomat on some remote planet. Is this the irresponsible drifter we see onscreen? It hardly seems likely.

Let me also note that mirror!Bashir doesn't seem developmentally disabled in any way, and surely he wouldn't have had access to this gene therapy? (this doesn't prove anything, though - it could just support our Bashir's indignation that his parents made this decision after judging a six-year-old.)

Now, to break down the actual claims of the episode.

First, the idea that Bashir's physical ability has been greatly improved - to practically superhuman levels, if that ending "gag" (I use quotes because it feels incredibly mean-spirited and I hate it but that's another matter) is to be believed.

This is pretty easy to contradict.

He's a good athlete, yes. Captain of the Academy racquetball team according to "Rivals", and a good enough tennis player to at least consider playing professionally - the statement in "Melora" that he was out of his depth in official tournaments seems to be contradicted by "Distant Voices", but this is said by someone trying to mentally break him and he doesn't seem fazed by the claim.

But surely if that were the case, we wouldn't see him lose fights nearly as often?

He gets better at defending himself with time, but is rarely able to take on a capable opponent single-handedly. If I may make an analysis...

Dax - His combat style is clumsy and amateurish. He goes down within seconds. This could be attributed to being unprepared for a fight, but considering how easily the guard takes him out I'm highly skeptical.

The Storyteller - He bursts into combat to help O'Brien fend off an attacker, but is barely able to hold his own; in fact, he becomes the one in danger after intervening, and it's O'Brien who pulls the now-distracted opponent off him.

The Alternate - His struggles appear to be completely useless here, from what I can tell the tentacle releases him of its own accord.

Armageddon Game - He spends most of the fight taking cover, and when he does attack it's from behind. His tactics are again clumsy, his struggle to take down one man very obvious besides O'Brien's skill.

The Wire - Garak has a lot more experience, and he's holding back so as not to hurt a friend. Even with that considered, though, he doesn't come off too well.

Crossover - He manages to stun a guard and grab a phaser. Considering how he goes about it though, I honestly think he got lucky and the guard simply wasn't expecting anything of the kind.

The Search pt 1 - The fight scene is difficult to follow, but he seems to knock down one soldier and then get pinned. His combat style does look marginally better, I think.

Past Tense pt 1 - He takes down one man, then seems equally matched with the other. At the very least his technique has improved.

Our Man Bashir - The opening scene doesn't count, as it's very obviously programmed to happen the way it does. I'd say it's pretty telling that he only grazes Garak, though - holding back on a friend could be an excuse here, but if the dialogue is to be believed he was shooting to kill. And surely, with his supposed skill, he wouldn't have missed?

Nor The Battle To The Strong - This is an extreme situation, but it's still possible that improved reflexes should have enabled him to reach the runabout without being knocked out.

By Inferno's Light - He takes an occupied Jem'Hadar by surprise with an improvised knife. This is the most effective he's ever been at close quarters, and honestly I was surprised even allowing for the fact that he's not unarmed.

Honestly, after actually going through every fight he's involved in he's even less of a soldier than I thought.

And that's not mentioning that he and O'Brien are canonically evenly matched at darts according to "Accession", and the excuse that he's been letting O'Brien win feels very feeble considering he could have done the same with Morn if he were rigging the game for fairness.

I think the idea of physical enhancement is adequately debunked.

When it comes to the mental side, things appear less clear. There's no doubt that he's highly intelligent, so I won't contest that. (Note, however, that according to Dax in "Armageddon Game", he had to work very hard to graduate as well as he did - and we know from multiple accounts that he only graduated second in the end.)

What I will take issue with, however, is psychology. He doesn't act like a person in his situation would be expected to, and we get no hint of it from our looks into his mind.

Begin psychological profile, Dr. Julian Subatoi Bashir.

Comes in very naïve, even dangerously so. His early episodes have shades of Simon Tam to me: a pampered boy from a wealthy family, who's had everything handed to him until he didn't. This is what I expected out of his backstory reveal.

Highly extroverted, slightly in love with his own voice. Enjoys making new friends (and lovers), but gets nervous around less outgoing people. Doesn't always pick up on social cues like when to shut up.

"Ambitious" is the word used in-universe, but I think "enthusiastic" might be a better descriptor. He wants to see everything, do everything, have every exciting experience he can.

Very self-assured, bordering on arrogant. He's thoroughly aware of his skill in the medical field, and proud of it.

Excellent bedside manner, and high emotional intelligence. More than any other character, he can handle difficult emotional situations competently and give good advice, especially on matters of the heart.

Always determined to come out on top, whatever the odds.

Gentle and compassionate, unable to let anyone suffer or die when there's the slightest chance of saving them. Refuses to become hardened or cynical in the face of a moral dilemma.

And he does have a very boyish side to him, delighting in role-play and friendly banter.

As to his inner conflicts, we have little information.

To return to "Armageddon Game", Dax says that his school diaries mention a constant fear of failure. (We'll be coming back to those diaries one last time before this is over)

In "Distant Voices", Altovar tries to rattle him by claiming he always gives up when a situation gets tough. We see this to be false on countless occasions, though, including in that same episode.

The only real insecurity we see from him is in "Explorers", when the valedictorian of his class arrives on the station, and it seems he still hasn't gotten over placing second. As it turns out, his competitive streak has misled him and he mentally blew the situation far beyond its actual status.

Now, let's compare that to how this backstory reveal would likely have affected him.

Being developmentally delayed as a child is actually a detail I like. It explains his tenacity and pride in his accomplishments. Unfortunately, that's just about all I approve of here.

At the age of around fifteen, he finds out that his parents, disappointed by his early struggles, had him genetically enhanced to remedy them.

The people whose job it was to care for and support him decided that, instead of trying to figure out why their son was having difficulties or accept that, at the age of six, he was lagging behind his peers, it would be easier to have him fixed through radical alteration.

(I'm not going to discuss the parents' side of the story or whether the justification holds up. It's not their psyches being examined here.)

A teenage boy, shining at everything he does and happy at his success, realises that he was born a totally different person.

He feels betrayed, all his accomplishments suddenly undermined. He feels as though his true self were murdered in that hospital as a six-year-old; himself a literal changeling, a perfect child replacing fallible humanity.

(This casts an interesting light on his being the only cast member effectively replaced by the in-universe changelings, let alone twice. But as I refuse to consider this twist canon, it won't be analysed here.)

And he knows, or soon finds out, that if this were ever made public, his life and his parents' would both be destroyed.

So:

He has a life-changing secret to keep. The people responsible for him betrayed that trust when he was too young to understand what was being done.

Would he really be so naïve about humanoid nature?

Would he not only allow but encourage Dax to read his diaries, even if he thought he'd edited out everything suspicious?

Would he be outgoing and eager to make friends, when every close relationship is a new person to guard his words around?

Would he be so pleased with his talent, knowing how he came by it and feeling so guilty about those means?

So excited by intrigue and espionage, when he himself kept such a deadly secret?

And would he be so willing to forgive those who hurt him, if that first betrayal is always there to torment him?

I don't know about you, but I highly doubt it.

[wanderingwriter87]

🧠 What’s an idea you have that you can’t quite call a WIP yet?

👨‍👧‍👧 Do you tell people in real life that you write fic? 

👀 Do you have any WIPs that you would never let see the light of day? If yes, what are they about?

🧠: oh, definitely the one based on the flower that looks like an everted sot'l. it's all up here *taps head* garak asks julian to fertilize it for him while he's away on some tailoring business or whatever and julian's like okay i know he asked me to jerk off his dick-plant but do you think he likes me as more than just a friend.

👨‍👧‍👦 if it comes up. most ppl already know i write trashy romance professionally so it's not like anyone thinks im normal. the only reason anyone wouldn't guess "writes star trek fanfiction" in some kind of getting-to-know-me bingo would be because it seems too obvious so it must be a trick answer

👀 no, im too soft to write anything abt these characters that i would be scared to publish. i can write hurt-no-comfort but i have no desire to inflict that on the blorbos from my show.

[lietwice]

HE WATCHES JULIAN INTENTLY. Such an interesting range of facial expressions... Garak would happily dedicate hours to deciphering them, staring at Julian's pretty face. Whether the answer is a lie or not, he's unsure, but it seems unlikely that Julian has no knowledge. Even if he hasn't recovered anything, as he claims, he's stubborn enough that Garak expects he would've looked elsewhere for information. So, he knows something, but probably not a lot. Not enough to be certain he's right about the temperature regulation, which he is, in fact. Of course, that's not the reason he's going to give. "I wouldn't call it a theory, Doctor; it's more of a fact. It ought to be obvious, really. Our blood vessels are well-hidden because it makes us harder to kill with a bladed weapon. It is the traditional way for us to kill one another, but not something typically managed by others. A practice reserved, if you like, for Cardassians who murder other Cardassians. If I were going to cut you somewhere, and I wanted to be efficient, I would only need to observe you to determine where to target. Here, perhaps," he says, moving a hand to gesture delicately to the side of Julian's neck, but not quite touching his skin. "I can see your pulse jumping, and there are plenty of blood vessels there. But if I were to ask you where you would cut me, you won't find such visible indicators on my scales. You can determine, I assume, that you would have the best chance slipping the blade between scales, but I wonder which scales you would choose? Where would you expect to most easily hurt me?"

Oh. Is he being set up here? Is Garak preparing to lie to him about his anatomy? Julian perks up visibly, though he tries not to look happy. After all, Garak is hardly going to spin him an interesting tale if Julian tells him he already knows everything. Or if he tells the truth. "Nothing at all, actually." And telling his own lie is a surprising thrill. "Thoroughly wiped, and medical data hasn't been the chief's top priority, in terms of repairs. Are you going to tell me your own theory?"

[unknownfacelessfanfictions]

I just showed my best friend the clip with Bashir and Garak where Julian is like "Even the lies" and Garak answers with "Especially the lies" and she's just like "I don't know what you are talking about. There is no tension between them. Not romantic or sexual. They're just good friends."

Like, I don't know if it's because she hasn't seen more or because she's straight, but HOW can someone not see this tension between them. I'm aroace and normally completely obvious towards such things but even I can feel it.

[gar-trek]

i WOULD say it's because miles isn't conventionally attractive but neither is garak and that doesnt stop the garashir girlies whatsoever so idk really

actually i have compiled a list of reason i think people wouldnt ship jiles that is def one of the. anyway here is my list:

REASONS WHY YOU DONT SHIP JILES AND RANKING HOW VALID THEY ARE:

One. Miles is married to a woman: 10/10 this is like the most valid reason not to ship jiles tbh. like i understand why this would freak some people out ya know. Keiko and Miles are a very good couple and a large part if O'Brien's personality is defined by the fact that hes a family man. Although Keiko is not physically present in the show that much, she is still a large part of the narrative that is hard to ignore. Now youd probably think well thats pretty cut and dry now isnt it?? pretty obvious right?? the answer to my question on why no one ships jiles... HOWEVER... I HAVE SEEN PEOPLE SHIP MEN WITH WIVES HERE BEFORE... I KNOW IT DOES NOT BOTHER YOU LOT SO MUCH NOW DOES IT.... adultery is barely even a taboo around these parts so lets not even act and pretend like anyone has morals

two. miles is ugly and un-twinkish:

0/10 so false worstie. you fucking suck so hard and you know absolutely nothing. and yes to address the anon above this seems like it wouldn't be the issue because of garashir BUT... I HAVE TO PUT FORWARD... Garak may not be conventionally attractive but he is a lizard alien man.. people LOVE freaky monster/twink ships its way easier to twist a none human character in your mind palace into something that you personally find attractive

Three. you belive in the power of boys just being friends

7/10 i find this one to be pretty valid. like yes, sometimes boys are just boy best friends and there is nothing wrong with that. let guys be dudes ect ect ect. agreed. However Jiles do be crossing that line of boy bestfriendery a lot and again... dont act like every other boy best friend duo in the world hasnt been shipped to death

Four. Your OTP is Garashir and you dont wanna imagine Julian with anyone else

2/10 expand your mind. let it contain multitudes. acknowledge all the possiblities. both can co exist, maybe not at once, but its your mind. you have the power.

Five. the ship isnt popular and the lack of fan content was offputting to you

0/10 first of all there is enough canon content to sustain a whole army. second of all... be the change you want to see in society... be a trend setter... YOU can be the one to popularize jiles if you try hard enough... dont let it be spoon fed to you... MAKE JILES HAPPEN ON YOUR TERMS...

[youngpettyqueen]

ummm um fic recs….in a horrible turn of events garak and bashir have to babysit the ds9 kids?

ive been wracking my brains over how Garak and Julian would end up babysitting a bunch of the kids and I had a hard time figuring out something that would work with Jake and Nog, since theyre older and dont really need a babysitter, so I went with them babysitting Molly and Yoshi! I hope that's alright <3

Garak isn't sure what to expect when he the door to the O'Briens quarters slides open. All he knows is that Julian told him to come, and his only answer to Garak's many questions was to repeat himself with a don't ask just do it tone.

So, Garak had. He'd come. In the middle of the work day, something he's not planning on letting the Doctor forget. He'd come, and he steps inside as the door slides open, and he doesn't know what he was expecting to find here, but it certainly wasn't... this.

Julian is sitting on the floor by the coffee table, the infant Kirayoshi cradled securely in one arm. He also has what appears to be a plastic crown on his head, which is several sizes too small, and perches awkwardly atop his hair. The older of the O'Brien offspring, Molly, is sitting beside him, in what Garak would guess is a human princess costume, all shiny fabric and very, very pink.

Garak comes to pause, considering the scene before him. There are little plastic teacups and plates set out. A few larger plush toys are also around the table, with teacups and plates of their own. It's quite the little set up.

"Good morning, Doctor. Molly," He greets, turning a quizzical raised brow on Julian, "Might I ask why I was called here?"

Julian gives him a look that is very, very tired. "Good morning, Mr. Garak," He replies, "You were called here because you have been invited to Princess Molly's tea party." He informs him.

"Tea party?" Garak echoes.

"I'll explain later," Julian tells him, "Just come sit." He gestures to an open space at the other end of the coffee table.

"Wait!" Molly pipes up, quickly standing. Julian winces at her volume, quietly shushing her as he looks at Kirayoshi, who appears to be sleeping. Garak turns his attention to the child, who holds her head up high and informs him, "You have to bow first."

Garak considers her for a moment. He catches Julian stop himself from laughing in the corner of his eye. Of course, Garak knows about royalty systems, so he knows what a princess is. And he can't imagine himself bowing to one, but Molly has a very stern look on her very little face, and he has a feeling he's in for a fight if he doesn't comply.

He bows. Dramatically, with a flourish. Molly giggles, and the sound is... pleasing.

"Thank you for the invitation, Princess," Garak bids her, continuing to play along as he straightens himself, "May I...?" He gestures to the open seat.

Molly, to his surprise, shakes her head. "Not there," She tells him, "You have to sit with Uncle Julian. Miss Flutterhooves will move." She gestures at the plush sitting on Julian's opposite side- an equine, if he remembers his Earth animals correctly, except this one is... purple, and it has a shiny silver horn protruding from its forehead.

He goes with it. Why not, at this point? He's clearly not getting out of this. "Of course," He says agreeable, stepping closer. Since the plush toy can't move, for obvious reasons, he gently picks it up, "Pardon me, Miss... Flutterhooves," He shoots Julian a quick glance, who nods approvingly, and he proceeds with moving the toy to the open spot at the end of table, and then going to take his own seat beside Julian. He shuffles in as much as possible, awkwardly crossing his legs and trying to keep his knees from tucking under the table, "There we are. This is... very lovely." He compliments as he settles into a somewhat-comfortable position.

"Very lovely," Julian agrees, looking at Molly, "You've done a wonderful job, Princess Molly."

Molly gives Julian a pleased little smile. "Thank you!" She squeaks. Then she suddenly perks up again, like she's heard something, "Oh! I have to go get the tea. It's done sleeping." She stands and, tucking up her skirts like a proper lady, she hurries off to go and... wake the tea, apparently.

"Steeping," Julian offers, as Garak gives him a confused look, "She means steeping."

Garak nods. That doesn't explain... anything else that's going on here. "Tea party?" He asks. Again.

"An old Earth game, of sorts," Julian replies, "Human children commonly pretend to hold tea parties, usually with their parents and their toys involved. Hence," He gestures around the table with his free hand, "All this."

"I see," Garak says, "And I was invited, why...?"

Julian suddenly won't make eye contact. "Molly insisted," He tells him, quick and clearly not the entire truth, "And I just got Kirayoshi to sleep for the first time all day, so I wasn't about to risk Molly getting upset and waking him," He does look at Garak again, this time with a surprising amount of desperation for a man sitting in front of a plastic teacup, with a plastic crown on his head, "He cried for three. Hours. Garak." He stresses each word, exhaustion and desperation oozing from every syllable.

Garak knows of the infant's tendency towards tears. He has no idea how Kirayoshi manages to wail for so long, considering how tiny his lungs are, but he's been able to hear the shrieking from across the promenade.

"I'm not sure the Chief would approve my being here," He points out, "Or Mrs. O'Brien, for that matter."

"I won't tell if you won't. Just play along," Julian implores him, "That's all I ask, just play along. Molly is very sweet, and also very stubborn, and I promise you I'll make it up to you if you just humour her." He's very nearly begging.

Garak has seen Julian less desperate in active crisis situations. He sighs, making a point to be melodramatic about it. "Very well, my dear," He agrees, "I suppose I can find it in myself to play along with the whims of a little girl. What's the worst that could happen?"

"Don't invite that on yourself," Julian warns, "You haven't seen her when she's cranky."

At that moment, Molly returns. In her hands she carries a teapot that matches her teacups, and she proudly brings it to the table and sets it down in the middle of everything. "Ta-da!" She announces, prompting Julian to gently shush her again, "Tea time!" She does not heed his shushing, "Want the first cup, Uncle Julian?" She asks, holding the pot out to him.

Just like that, Julian is smiling again. "I would love the first cup, Princess Molly," He says. He holds the teacup up, and it's comically small in his hand, "Thank you very much."

Molly tips the teapot forward. No actual tea comes out. Still, she holds it like that for a few seconds, before she tips it back. "There you go!" She chirps. Right, pretend. She turns her smile on Garak, and offers him the pot, "Tea?"

Garak delicately picks the teacup up by the handle, which he has to pinch between two claws. "I would be honoured," He says, laying it on thick. Molly pours the pretend tea into his cup, and he gives her his most winning smile, "Thank you, Princess."

Molly goes around the table, pouring tea for the other guests. Garak resists the urge to comment on the teapot apparently being bottomless, and instead glances at Julian. "Uncle Julian?" He questions, an amused smirk curling on his face.

"I'm her favourite uncle." Julian grins.

"I'm sure," Garak murmurs. Molly retakes her seat, and he turns to her, "Ah, Princess, allow me," He reaches across the table to take the teapot, and he pours her her own cup. He's not sure of the exact method to this, but he counts to 3 and then stops, and she looks satisfied, "Could I ask you a question, Princess?" He asks as he sits back, setting the pot down.

"First, cheers," Molly insists. She thrusts her cup up into the air, and Julian raises his, so Garak follows their lead. They clink their little teacups together- literally, "Clink!" She says.

"Clink." Julian echoes.

"Clink," Garak adds. Then Molly sips, and so does Julian, so he follows. When that's done, he inquires, "May I ask my question now?" Molly nods, and he smiles, "Ah, thank you. Yes, my question is, what made you invite me to the tea party, Princess Molly?"

Molly sets her teacup down. "For Uncle Julian." She replies.

Garak can see Julian looking pointedly away from him in his peripheral. "I see," He says, "And why was I invited for Uncle Julian?" He follows up.

"Cause you're married." Molly replies, like it's the most obvious thing in the Quadrant.

Julian chokes on nothing. Garak's eyes widen. "Married?" He echoes. He turns to Julian, who's gone a truly impressive shade of red, right up to the tips of his ears, "Married?" He repeats.

"Yeah!" Molly says, apparently an expert on the subject, "That's what grown-ups do when they're in love! Like my mommy and daddy. You," She points at Garak, "And Uncle Julian are in love, so you're married."

"She's 5." Julian hisses under his breath, just loud enough for Garak to hear.

Garak needs to take a deep breath. He's not often truly caught off guard, but that... he feels like he's just been knocked flat on his back. Alright. Married. He can go along with that. He's certainly gone along with far worse things.

Suddenly he understands Julian's exhaustion and desperation a few moments prior.

"Well, it was... very polite of you to invite me, Princess," He manages to get out, trying to slot back into his role here, "It's nice to spend time with my... husband." That makes Julian turn even redder. He looks like he's about to start glowing.

"Mommy and daddy wanted together-time today," Molly tells him, looking oh-so-serious for a girl of 5 years old, "So you and Uncle Julian probably want together-time, too. That's what married grown ups want." She explains.

Garak can't help but chuckle. "You're very wise," He says. Because she isn't... wrong. When it comes to him and Julian, at least, "I did want together-time with Uncle Julian today." He admits. They were supposed to see each other for lunch today, but then Julian got called away to babysit the O'Brien children, so it was to be rescheduled. And, soft as it makes him, those lunches are truly about... the only thing he looks forward to, so, yes. He did want together-time, as she put it, with Julian.

Molly glances at Julian, and then she leans over the table. "He did, too," She whispers, except it's very loud, and Julian can obviously hear her, "He told me he missed your lunchtime."

Garak glances at Julian, who's again very much not looking at him. He can't help but melt, just a bit, just enough to soften up. "Did he now?" He hums, "Well, that's alright. We have this tea party, don't we?" He puts his hand on the table, holding it out to Julian.

Julian looks at his hand. Then looks up at him, all round eyes and surprise. And then he smiles, all warm and affectionate. "That we do." He says, taking Garak's hand and giving it a squeeze.

"Ew," Molly pulls a face, "You're being gross like mommy and daddy."

Julian snorts a laugh. Garak chuckles. They let go of their hands and go back to their teacups, following Molly's lead as she sips at air again. Then she insists on refilling their cups, and they sit back and let her.

Julian's hand finds his on the floor. Garak takes it, brushes his thumb over Julian's knuckles. They exchange a private look, a small smile, Julian still red in the cheeks.

Maybe this isn't such a bad way to spend an afternoon, after all.

[lietwice]

DOES HE LIKE IT? Garak crawls back up the bed, stopping between Julian's legs. He doesn't use his mouth often, because it does hold a heavy cultural taboo for him, but... they're to be enjoined, and Julian deserves it. He knows he would never ask it of him, and that's what makes him all the more determined to step over his feelings and please Julian that way anyway. "Yes," he answers honestly, and leans down to kiss Julian's thigh softly. He positions himself there, laying on his stomach. "You're beautiful, as ever. Your arousal is always so wonderfully obvious. You don't even need to speak to beg. You're already so wet for me. So desperate to be touched." He glides one fingertip through the wetness again, not quite slipping inside, and then he brings it to his mouth to taste. "I think, my dear, you deserve a little bit of extra attention before I fuck you."

Somehow, Garak drinking his tears remains the most humiliating thing he does to him, no matter how many times it happens. More tears well up and fall, but he pulls one knee up and lets it fall to the side, giving Garak an even better view of just how affected he is by the teasing and everything else. “Thank you,” he says quietly, then he nods, because it is better, as much as it’s so much worse. “Do you- do you like what you see?”

[unsupervisedpanda]

Runaway assassin

Obi x reader

You'd been alone for a while, and by a while I mean years. You'd quit your old job, or rather you ran away from it. Now you were taking random jobs that were simple and spread out so you could travel. Get to see the world. 

  Thing was you were always moving because well your ex-boss was a total prick. You'd worked for him as an assassin of sorts. You enforced things, hurt people, did anything that he told you to.

  It's not that you enjoyed hurting others, but it kept you alive. You used to have a partner, but he had disappeared, leaving you, after going on a job with your sister, Torou.

  When she came back you rushed to her looking for him, but she just smiled sadly and told you he was gone. You'd missed him, but accepted that he made his choice.

   Currently however you followed his example and were free to do what you wanted, when you wanted. You'd left the man, that life, behind.

     With that in mind you had decided to visit Clarines. Beautiful place really. Many opportunities. Running around and rushing through the streets you darted over a wagon leaping down.

  As you landed you sprinted away apologizing to the driver. As you dashed through another alley you yelped when you bumped into someone, hard.

   As you both began to fall, you grabbed their arm and used your weight to counteract theirs, pulling yourself forward and spinning around. You smiled at your success, having stopped a tragic fall for both of you.

  "Hey, sorry about that I was just really excited!" You apologized glancing up, "I'm y/n!"

   The person you had almost had a spill with was a girl about your age. She smiled softly, her bright green eyes glittering, and apple red hair shining. You elected not to point out the obvious though. 

  "It's alright. I'm Shirayuki. You must be new here! I'd show you around but I have to get to the castle." She frowned seeming to be a little sad at that thought.

   "Well then here's a proposal. I'll go with you to the castle and help you out. Then we can talk and you can do what you need to. I'll be like your own personal attendant, yea?" You grinned pointing to yourself.

   "I mean... We could try it! Sure let's go." She smiled taking your hand and leading the way to the castle.

   On the walk she'd told you all about her friends and her love interest Zen, the second Prince of Clarines. You'd also been informed of her role in the castle. A herbalist. You got excited and told her that you were actually quite experienced with the plants and their properties given your old establishment.

   After a while you were in front of a set of gates, two guards stood at their post.

    "Shirayuki! Good to see you. Who's your friend?" One of the guards inquired staring behind her, to you. Taking charge you stepped forward, crouching into a curtsey.

  "I'm y/n! Her attendant. I'm here to help her out." You smiled sweetly, causing the other guard to blush.

  "I see. Well the prince is inside awaiting your arrival. Good day Shirayuki, y/n." The guard smiled as he opened the large gate.

  As you walked in you gasped. This place was huge! White pillars filled the courtyard and several plants and trees grew along the white stone that seemed to be a path.

  "It's beautiful, isn't it?" Shirayuki giggled nudging you.

  "Absolutely." You breathed out, eyes wide as you took in your surroundings before turning to look at her.

    She grinned at you before waving you forward, encouraging you to follow her. Following closely you listened as Shirayuki told you about how she'd met the prince and his attendents, along with his most recent addition. Obi.

  You had heard the name and paused momentarily. She seemed to notice the slight shift in your behavior because she turned to face you.

  "Are you alright?" She asked tilting her head, her brows creasing in worry.

  Your mind raced as you mulled over the idea that it could be your Obi. It couldn't be him though, could it? Shaking your head you slapped your cheeks. It had to be someone else.

   "Of course! I'm sorry I just recognized the name is all. I'm totally fine!" You smiled grabbing her hand.

  "We should hurry! Don't wanna keep the prince waiting do we?" You winked and she flushed.

  "Right!"

   With that you both hurried off. Walking into the prince's quarters was nerve wracking. Not because you were scared or nervous because of him or anything, rather the idea that his attendant could be your Obi.

   Shirayuki knocked on the door and a muffled come in was called out. Pushing the door open she led you inside and began with the introductions.

  "Zen, Mistuhide, Kiki, Obi, this is y/n. Y/n this is Zen, Mistuhide, Kiki, and Obi." You glanced at each of them, but froze once you reached the tall brunette.

   Obi. It was actually your Obi. Once his cat like eyes reached yours he too froze.

  "Y/n? Are you alright?" Zen asked standing up, once he realized you seemed to be zoning out. Your eyes snapped over to him anxiously.

  "Of course! I'm sorry, how rude of me. I'm Y/n Woods, Shira's new attendent." You bowed giving the fake last name naturally.

   Obi's eyes widened slightly. You felt his gaze train on you as the other two began their own greeting. You smiled at them and told them a little about yourself.

    Once the introductions were finished Shirayuki dragged you off to work. Garak didn't seem to mind your company nor did Ryuu. You seemed to fit right in. Luckily for you there didn't seem to be much work today so maybe you could explore.

     Near sundown Shira asked you to drop one last concoction she brewed up off to Garak's office. Smiling you grabbed the liquid up and told her you'd be back in a jiffy.

   As soon as you were gone Shirayuki sighed. Turning around she found Obi right behind her crouched in the window.

   "Obi!" She yelped her hand flying up to her chest.

    "What are you doing here? Were you looking for y/n?" She inquired steadying her breathing.

   "How'd y'know?" He chuckled rubbing the back of his neck.

  She just smiled softly.

  "I don't know. Maybe it's the way you've been creeping around all day?" She smirked knowing she had him in a corner.

   "You see funny story. I was just conveniently around. Definitely not following." He defended weakly and she shook her head.

     "Oh sure. Convenient." She teased straightening some of her papers. 

  Obi sighed his shoulders drooping. He'd definitely been caught. Slinking out of the window sill he walked over and began to put some of the jars and containers away.

   "I know her. Knew her. She's a part of my past, better forgotten." Shrugging Obi looked over his eyes slowly widening. You were now standing behind Shirayuki. Your eyes were wide and glistening with unshed tears.

  Better forgotten? You were better forgotten because you were a part of his past? He left you on purpose?

  "You left me intentionally? Obi you wanted to just leave and forget about me? About us?" Shirayuki jumped looking behind her.

   "Y/n? That was fast." She gasped seeing the tears glisten down your cheeks.

   "I can't believe you! All these years I've been worried sick, looking for you, and you left me on purpose!" You snarled.

   "You know what? Fine. I'll just go back to that bastard. Maybe he'll actually want me!" You hissed. 

   Pushing past him you jumped out of the window and stormed toward the gate walls. You didn't have time to walk all the way to the gates.

   The tears were forcing their way out and you didn't want Obi to see you cry. Running towards the wall you heard Shirayuki call out for you.     

    Stopping you turned to look back at her. She looked sad, but you smiled and waved. You would at least say goodbye. Then you turned and sprinted away.

   "Obi! You have to go get her! Before she does something reckless!" Shirayuki whipped around pleading.

  "I can't. She is making her choice. It is her choice! She is her own person if she wants to leave then I should let her. You should let her." He argued looking away.

"Obi." Shirayuki snapped catching the male off guard. Glancing up quickly he winced at the look in her eyes.

  "You care about her. You loved her?" Shirayuki asked and Obi looked down.

  He did love you. He did care about you. And that's why he had to let you go.

    "I- that was a long time ago. I mean I still care about her but..." He sighed running his hand through his hair.

  "That was gone the moment I left. She hates me for sure now." He grumbled leaning against the counter.

   "She loves you." Shirayuki insisted. "She spent years looking for you. What reason could you possibly have to let her go? Again!?" She hissed out slamming a cabinet shut.

   Obi looked up surprised at the sudden anger in her voice. Why was she so insistent? So angry? She didn't know about the past you and him had. About what the two of you had been through. Maybe she was right though. 

   However, before he could say a word Shirayuki was in his face.

   "No don't answer that because actually I don't want an answer! She needs you now! She loves you! She thought you were Dead! Dead Obi!" She snapped.

  "She looked for you and waited and you just.... You just are going to let her go?!"

  Looking down Obi felt his eyes begin to water. He didn't want to let you go but what could he do? Pretend he didn't leave? Act like he didn't just say he wanted to forget about you?

   As he thought things over he remembered the argument you'd just had and something clicked.

"Fine. I'll just go back to that bastard."

You were still stuck with Guran. That son a.... Suddenly he was turning and leaping out of the window. He landed and darted forward racing through and jumping into the trees. He needed to find you and fast. He couldn't let you go back, not to him

Back to you

  You ran faster then you thought you could. He didn't want you. He left you. He willingly left you. He abandoned you. Your mind raced as you gasped, your breath came out ragged.

  Tears streamed down your face as you sprinted between buildings and people. You couldn't stop. You had to keep moving or you'd collapse and never get back up. Maybe that wouldn't be so bad though. Just stopping and lying there in the empty dark.

  However before you got out of your current alley way someone grabbed you. Your wrist was twisted behind your back and a hand covered your mouth.      

   Panic filled you and your mind was fogged with heartache. Maybe you could just give up. You had no reason to fight. Obi didn't want you and Guran would only beat and use you. Even Touru had left you. You had no fight left so you just slumped.

    Your knees gave out and you sunk. The person grunted but pulled you up.

  "Come on my butterfly, don't be like that." The voice caused your skin to tingle uncomfortably. Guran. He'd found you.

  "Now how about we talk about how you ran away, huh?"

  You closed your eyes and pushed yourself away from him, but he only gripped onto you tighter. You whimpered as he laughed.

  "Please. You think I'm gonna let you go? Not now butterfly."

   Before you could say anything you heard something flying through the air and gasped as you felt yourself taken from the bulky, grubby arms of Guran.

   "Well how about now, you bastard." The voice was venomous. Angry.

  Opening your eyes wearily and noticed the spiky brown hair immediately. Obi. He'd come for you.... But why? Your mouth went dry as you realized you'd almost let Guran take you. Your face was red and blotchy from crying you were sure.

  Carefully the male set you down but kept you close. Cautiously you reached your arms up and dug your face into Obi's neck. His grip on you tightened as Guran let out a big burly laugh that sounded like a choke.

  "How cute the cat and the butterfly. Look Obi I ain't got no hard feelings, but she's my property. So if you don't mind..." He took a step towards you and Obi shifted you in his arms, launching three kunai at Guran. A warning.

  Snarling Guran launched at Obi. You felt the ground leave as Obi wrapped his arms around your waist launching to the right, dodging the sloppy attack. Anger was making a deadly assassin useless.

  Your eyes widened as Guran turned his eyes large and wide. In his side was a kunai. You couldn't be sure if Obi had done it or if his anger had made him act that recklessly, but he looked like a pissed off bull.

  Tapping Obi's shoulder you looked up to him hoping he got the message. Before Obi could respond, you pushed away from him and sped around the bleeding Guran. He was a bastard, but he wasn't stupid. He couldn't attack you both.

   Obi seemed to catch on and sped the opposite way. Rushing around you noticed Guran's eyes latch onto you. He wanted you. That was enough information to know your next move.

  Running towards the woods you saw earlier. Running through you pulled yourself up into a tree and began to hop tree to tree. Guran had been stabbed, hopefully that would slow him down.

  Climbing and jumping, you kept going, praying Guran wasn't as close as he felt. This was certainly a game of cat and mouse, but this mouse was just as dangerous.

    As you hopped towards another branch you yelped when you felt hands grasp at your ankles causing you to slip off of the branch.

   You fell hard, branches digging into your skin and bruising your body. You gasped loudly when you hit the ground, the air being forced out of your lungs. Your arms were scraped, your legs ached, and your back burned.

   Opening your eyes you saw Guran was growling across from you, his eyes wide and wild. Gritting your teeth you pushed yourself up before sprinting again. You heard his body clamber up, the branches snapping under his weight.

   Where was Obi? Was he okay? Were you going to be okay? You didn't know but kept running. You dodged multiple trees as you gasped for air, lungs burning. Maybe you'd bruised a couple ribs.

   Listening intently you heard rushing water. Legs pumping with all they were worth, you raced to the source. You gasped at the large waterfall. There was no way you could jump that.

   A branch snapped behind you and you whipped around. Turning you saw Guran slinking in a primal look in his gaze. You bit the inside of your cheek as you looked around for an escape.

   "You dumb bitch. You thought you could leave? That he could save you? He ran away like the coward he is." He laughed a nasally laugh. Your heart slammed against your chest, but you kept your face neutral.

   "Yet I'm still standing." You replied stepping back slightly. You winced as you felt the soft ground give way slightly.

   "Not for long." Your eyes widened as he pulled out his whip, quickly lashing it at your ankles.

   Yelping you stepped back trying to avoid the lashing of the whip, but the ground gave way and your footing left you, rushing water frothing, ready to swallow you.

  Squeezing your eyes shut you prepared for your death, silently praying it was the water that killed you and not Guran. What you didn't expect however was for someone to grab you mid-fall. Cracking your eyes open you saw the cat-like hues of Obi. He looked pissed.

   "The only coward I see here is you, Guran." His voice was harsh and cold as he pulled you securely into his chest. Your heart was racing, pounding.

  "Listen, Obi we never had any bad blood. I said it before, I'll say it again. Just hand the girl over. She's my property, and needs to be punished. Isn't that right, little butterfly?" You shuddered at the nickname.

  "No. You'll have to kill me first, and I don't plan on dying anytime soon." Obi snarled.

  Quickly he pulled you from his chest, before grabbing your hand and pulling you through the trees again.

  The branches scratched and tore at you skin and clothes, your ribs and back ached, your eyes were red and puffy, but you hadn't felt this alive, this free, in forever.

  Calming your breathing you listened as Guran crashed through the woods, yelling and cursing at you both.

  Soon though, despite your high pain tolerance and stamina, the pain in your side became too much and you collapsed, your breathing becoming labored. You knew Guran was close, but you couldn't run anymore.

  "Y/n what's wrong?" Obi whipped around as you collapsed.

  When he saw you on the ground, your chest heaving, he panicked. Immediately he crouched down trying to look you over.

    Looking into your eyes for permission he grabbed the hem of your top. You nodded with a wince and that was all he needed. Pulling your shirt up slightly he grimaced at the already purpling bruises.

  "Y/n we have to keep moving. I'm sorry." He sighed before pulling you up and into his arms.

  "This is gonna hurt." He warned before darting away again.

  You moaned slightly in pain, wrapping your arms around his neck. Peering over his shoulder you saw a very angry Guran.

   Obi must have noticed the male closing in because he ran faster, faster than you thought he could carrying you. The woods began to thin. You were closing in on the town.

   "Y/n," you heard Obi speak, but you just tucked your face away into his neck. He nodded, his pace slowing down as he began to make turns into random alley ways.

   "They should be around here..." He murmured and then you heard horse hooves.

   "Obi! What were you- y/n?" You heard Zen, his voice going from irritation to concern.

   "Master! Where is Shirayuki? Y/n, she's not doing to good." Obi's voice faltered at the end as his arms tightened around your legs and waist causing you to cry out quietly. He apologized softly.

   "I'm right-" she stopped when she saw you in Obi's arms.

    "Oh my god. Y/n!" She cried as she rushed over her hands fluttering over you not knowing where to start.

   "You son of a bitch!" A familiar voice snarled behind you and you felt your heart squeeze.

   Guran stood behind you, behind Obi, his katana held out with one hand, and the other holding his bleeding abdomen.

    "I'm going to kill her. I'm going to torture her and I'm going to make you watch!" He snapped rushing at the group and you screamed as he slashed down.

   Zen rushed forward throwing Shirayuki up onto his horse and Obi dodged the blade, his hold on you never loosening.

    He wasn't going to give you up. He wasn't going to let you go again. Having you so close and almost losing you so quickly, put him into resignation. You were never leaving his side and he'd never leave yours again.

    "Fucking hell. Just give me the bitch. She's broken. Useless." Guran growled his tone bored and tired.

    "Like hell." Obi snarled, before handing you up to Mitsuhide.

    "You want her? You'll have to take her from my cold, dead hands." Obi snapped pulling 3 kunai out.

   Guran smiled. "That can be arranged."

  You tried to stay awake. You tried so hard but everything hurt. Your head was pounding and you felt like you were on fire.

   "Mitsu," you whimpered before the heat over took you. You fell limp in the man's arms causing him to freak out. Obi very nearly turned around to grab you and just run. He wouldn't though. Couldn't. He'd get rid of this bastard so that he never hurt you again.

   "I'm going to kill you." Obi frowned as he said it, but he knew he meant it.

    "I'd like to see you try. I taught you everything you know, boy." Guran snickered before rushing forward. The two danced around each other, stabbing and jerking at each other.

   Obi would stab at him and Guran would jerk to the side before prodding at Obi. Obi didn't want to underestimate the man. Stabbed or not he was still an assassin. Still deadly.

   "I'm going to incapacitate you. And then I'm going to kill each and every one of your friends, saving our little butterfly for last. Her? I'm going to kill her nice and slow. A stab here a slice there. I'm going to make her scream." Guran sneered, an attempt  to make Obi lash out at him.

   "I'm going to kill you quickly. You'll have no mercy." Obi hissed.

   His eyes were small slits, and his face held a prominent frown as he circled the bulky male, looking for an opening.

   He found one when the man jumped towards Mitsuhide's horse. His mistake was turning his back to Obi. As he leapt at you and Mitsuhide, Kiki jumped in front of your horse and deflected the man's katana with a clang!

   Obi appeared behind the man, one kunai at his throat and another through his back.

   "Go to hell." Obi whispered in Guran's ear before slitting his throat.

   Shirayuki hid her face in Zens back and Kiki nodded at Obi. Then Obi was at your side brushing your hair back and Mitsuhide offered to ride with Kiki.  Shirayuki rode with Zen allowing Obi to ride back with you held close to his chest. Zen sent some of his towns guard to deal with the body.

Later

   "How is she?" Zen asked peering over at Obi who held you, clutching on to you like you'd disappear with the wind.

   "I won't know for sure until we get back, Master. She hasn't opened her eyes yet." Obi glanced back down at you, your face was still red and looked troubled.

    That look on your face hurt him, and in that moment he knew he'd never walk away from you again. He never thought about how leaving would affect you. He never gave himself the chance to think about it.

    His grip on you tightened the more he thought about it. Leaning down he kissed your forehead. When you opened your eyes again he would make you a promise. A promise to never leave you ever again.   

    When you all arrived back to the castle, everyone fretted over you and Obi. You were still unconscious, still in Obi's arms, as they lead him to the infirmary.

    Gurak took care of him while Ryuu and Shirayuki treated you. Ryuu looked ready to break, and Shirayuki had a look of concentration, determined to ease the pain.

    Obi would've smiled at her determined face but he couldn't seem to find it. When you did wake up it was 4 hours later. Obi never left your side, holding your hand in his. He didn't leave, even when Zen ordered him to get something to eat or drink, or just anything that would distract him.

    Shirayuki promised you'd be okay, but he just couldn't bring himself to leave. So when you did wake up he was right there with you.

    Your first response to waking up was to promptly hit the first person you saw. Fight or Flight kicking in. That person was Obi. You swung and Obi caught your fist.

    "Easy there, Tiger. You might hurt someone." He chided playfully, his eyes glinting softly.

    "Obi." You all but whispered before leaping into his arms.

    It hurt, hell it hurt, but being in his arms made you feel so much better. Knowing he didn't leave you, eased your heartache.  

     He held you securely, but not painfully. His face was tucked into your neck as he held you. Your arms were wound around his shoulders and you cried softly into his jacket.

    He didn't let you go, not until you pulled away. Then he held your face, his eyes boring into yours. Your face flushed lightly and then he leaned forward. His lips barely touching yours, hovering. Closing your eyes you closed the gap. His lips were warm, and slightly wet. It made your stomach flip and your heart pound.

    Kissing Obi. You were kissing Obi. You hands found their way to the back of his neck deepening the kiss. You would've kissed him forever but you pulled away before you could embarrass yourself.

     "Never-" you started but jumped when he spoke at the same time.

    "I love you." He whispered tucking your hair behind your ear.

    Your eyes widened and you stared at him, unsure as to whether or not you were awake.

    "Obi- I love you, too?" Your voice was higher than normal in shock. He let out a sigh of relief before holding your hands in his.

   "Thank god. You were saying?" He asked as he played with your fingers. It took you a minute but you realized what he meant and reiterated.

    "I was saying 'never leave me again' but I think you got that covered." You laughed leaning forward to kiss his forehead.

     "Never." He agreed nodding.

   You let out a sigh of relief but yelped when the door slammed open and Ryuu and Shirayuki ran in and globbed you.

   Gurak laughed as you were mauled and you playfully glared at her, wrapping your arms around both of your friends.

    "I'm okay." You promised them.

   When they finally pulled away Shirayuki checked you over and confirmed that, while you'd be sore, you were indeed fine.

   Obi held your hand the entire time and that calmed you. When she was done they'd all taken turns explaining what happened while you were unconscious and telling you about the treatment you'd needed and received.

    Obi purposefully left out the unaliving of Guran. He did tell you that he wouldn't bother you anymore though, but that was it.

    You nodded listening intently. When they finished you smiled at them, thanking them and then turned to kiss Obi on the cheek.

    "I may not have a prince charming like our little red here, but I do have my own knight." You snickered and you saw Ryuu smile slightly. Obi chuckled kissing your forehead.

    Smiling at your newfound friends you winked at them. You'd scored the runaway assassin. 

[bijoumikhawal]

I'm again thinking about where Garak is at with his Hebitian identity during the run of the show, and I feel like the obvious answer is "Obviously he's swung to violent self hate again, he wants badly to return to Cardassia and prove he's a loyal Cardassian, he wants to prove to Tain specifically that he's a loyal Cardassian (and i think that Tain is more betrayed by Garak "indulging" his Hebitian-Ness than him cucking a gul), and to a Cardassian that is incompatible with being Hebitian, "indulging" too much with things associated with being Hebitian is what got him exiled"

But then... we don't know his internal thoughts about it at all during this time. And there's "Profit and Loss", and sure Garak tells Quark to stay away from Natima and initially agrees to kill her. But it really is necessary for his survival to say one thing and believe another, to do something he doesn't want to do because of the punishment, not not reward. We rarely know what he's thinking, by design because knowing what he's thinking is dangerous for him.

So I truly, do not fucking know what's in his head. Which makes writing show run fic fucking annoying.

[kaelio]

There’s a post going around about how Garak is written/how to write Garak, and it’s very good, but there are a couple points I’d make, but it’s already kind of long so I don’t think I’ll append it. I largely agree with what’s being said, however:

- They’re right that Garak isn’t as verbose as he seems or is often written, however, nobody is. This I think is more of a function of the TV format than folks readily notice unless they go through the scripts often. A conversation you might think is pretty substantial is, in the script, often only 10-11 sentences total. Visual media have the privilege of being able to communicate a lot visually, but have the disadvantage of very restricted time--and dialogue actually takes quite a while. (Extreme example: Aurora from Sleeping Beauty is rather quiet and sleepy, but despite being the title character, in a 1.5hr movie she only has 18 lines. Would you write a story about her where she speaks proportionately the same amount?)

- Sometimes, Garak’s curt lies are just an obvious “I’m not going to tell you the answer to your question” or “I’m not going to tell you how I know this”. This can also be a little brusque  or short so might not mean much in a “% of things he says that are lies” manner, but the point is he’s lying so openly that he’s communicating “if you keep asking about this, I will keep lying about it so don’t bother.”

- It can make sense to write a character differently than they appear on the screen, even to keep the overall impression the same. Screen is simply a different medium--identical actions, between both, won’t read the same. And that’s important here because, for example, on a show, the dialogue has to do a lot of heavy lifting on, for example, where characters are going. Very literal kind of stuff. If the Star Trek characters are headed to the Bureau of Smells, someone has to say “Next stop, Bureau of Smells.” A text story can just mention that’s where they are, outside of dialogue. So characters also speak to serve other purposes that text can, in prose.

- There are times that it is better to lean into what makes these (inconsistently-written) characters distinctive than to worry about details in their original format. Because of factors I described, like how short dialogue needs to be in a show and often in the service of covering, e.g., setting transitions (which a watcher’s brain just filters out), I think writing characters--and two characters, this isn’t Garak specific--exactly as they appear is very likely to land you in a place where your characters sound more similar than they should and aren’t distinctive. The main reason to read fanfiction is to get more of the characters you love; if they “feel” like they could be anyone, there’s no compelling reason not to read something else.

So I think it’s best to write the characters in a way that works best for the dynamic of the story, but you’re not beholden to the limitations of screenwriting and have to remember that a script communicates different things about a character for reasons tied to its format.

[tollingreminiscentbells]

Thank you for the tag @aceofsages! 💜

last song: "Misery Business" (Paramore). Yes, I still listen to 2000s pop-punk, what of it?

currently watching: I just finished Hazbin Hotel! And liked it a lot more than I anticipated!

three ships: Harrymort (obvious), Garak/Bashir (Deep Space 9), WenZhou (Tian Ya Ke)

favorite color: teal blue

currently consuming: water

first ship: In terms of online fandom? Probably Drarry, circa 2002. It was a short era in my life, but I'm pretty sure that was my gateway into fandom participation.

relationship: I have a boyfriend.

last movie: I don't watch a lot of movies. It might have been Everything Everywhere All At Once with my parents when I was in the States over Christmas.

currently working on: You all know the answer to this question: chapter 28 of Revolution of Configured Stars.

I have no idea who to tag because I am bad at this shit. If you want to do it, please pick up the baton!

Tag game: tag 9 people you'd like to get to know better

Thanks for tagging me, @sergeantpixie!!

Last song: "Flight Director" - Jeff Russo (For All Mankind score)

Currently watching: Percy Jackson and The Bear

Three ships: Midge x Lenny (The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel), Bess x George (Nancy Drew), and Max x Lucas (Stranger Things)

Favorite color: Kelly green

Currently consuming: hot choco

First Ship: Rory x Jess (Gilmore Girls)

Relationship status: Whoopi house quote, etc.

Last Movie: Scream V rewatch, I think!

Currently working on: multi-chapter fic for dodgerfox week :)

Tagging: @mjonesing @spiderman-homecomeme @karinaisloud @wildwren @bethanyactually @jonairadreaming @cadetcama @memyselfandwifi @myladyofmercy

[wanderingwriter87]

The Killing Moon: Part One

A year after the Dominion War, Dr. Julian Bashir goes to Cardassia Prime on a humanitarian aid mission. He finds a world still ravaged by violence and a plain, simple tailor trying to rebuild. The more he immerses himself in the recovery efforts and Cardassian culture, the more he begins to understand about Garak. Including one very obvious fact that, in retrospect, he should have realized the first day they met.

But it’s too late for that. Surely. Besides - they have a world to save. When the dust settles, maybe then he’ll have time for personal entanglements. 

Then again, maybe waiting is a fool’s game…

Julian often thought about an exercise he’d done in an introductory human psychology course. All of the students were invited to think, for a moment, about their significant other. Or the person they wished was their significant other. Or, in the absence of that, a couple that they knew intimately. They simply had to answer the question: how did you two meet?

The instructor invited them to answer the question in a few words, typed into their PADDs. As they did, the answers slowly appeared on the large screen at the front of the class, forming a cloud of words and phrases. 

Journalism class. Summer volunteer job. Work. School. Academy. Family friend. Coworkers. 

With a few exceptions, a very obvious pattern began to emerge. The instructor smiled and pointed out what everyone had already noticed. “Despite all our sentimentality, and whether or not you believe in the idea of soulmates, of finding the one, most of us simply pair up with a person we know. A person we see. The more time you spend in someone’s proximity, the more likely you are to develop feelings of closeness and attraction. We are creatures of habit, after all.”

Someone raised their hand. “So that saying - ‘absence makes the heart grow fonder.’ That’s just wrong?”

“Not entirely,” said the instructor. “It’s not baseless, but it requires a pre-existing intimacy. After a while, your attachment to someone can become more than just circumstantial. It’s natural that certain friendships, certain relationships, will fade away with time when you are no longer in each other’s orbits. But some will endure. Some, you’ll make an effort to keep.”

“What about when you don’t?” the student countered. “I mean…those times when you can’t get someone out of your head, even if you don’t talk very often.”

“Well, it could be any number of things,” the instructor said. “Sometimes we cling to relationships past their point of usefulness because we don’t want to move on to the unfamiliar. We may feel like the relationship offered us something that we can’t seem to find in our new normal. More often than not, what you’re actually holding in your mind is simply a fantasy - and with time, it’ll naturally become less and less reflective of the real person on which it was based.”

A few in the classroom nodded, but many of them looked confused. They were still too young to fully understand. Julian, for his part, more or less understood what the instructor was talking about. He fell in and out of love so easily, and when someone drifted out of reach, he would pine for a moment - but only a moment. He’d been accused of flightiness on more than one occasion. But it seemed he was quite normal. He simply wasn’t deluded enough to cling to the ideal of a relationship that never was. 

***

“Doctor, please. Sit down.”

Kira gestured to the chair opposite her desk. Her desk. Julian turned the words over in his mind. They still didn’t feel right, especially since she hadn’t really made any effort to personalize it. All of Captain Sisko’s personal effects were still there, including his baseball, and if Julian really wanted to, he could pretend nothing had changed. He could pretend Sisko was simply off-world on assignment and Kira was taking temporary command, as she had done so many times before.

“I hope this isn’t about that incident last week,” Julian began, before Kira had a chance to speak. “I explained in my report, there simply wasn’t any other way to test for the infection. If I’d taken the time to get approval for the blood transfusion from their local religious council, it would’ve -”

Julian stopped, Kira’s raised eyebrow telling him that this meeting was decidedly not about that.

“...never mind,” he finished. “Sorry. You were saying?”

Kira sighed. It wouldn’t be the first time they had butted heads about this. It wasn’t terribly often that a patient’s religious traditions interfered directly with his medical treatments, but when they did, Julian always found it terribly frustrating. As an agnostic himself, he had a hard time trying to convince patients that their god or gods would forgive them for the cardinal sin of self-preservation.

“Let’s circle back to that later,” she said, finally, with a slight grimace. “More importantly - Starfleet Command has just recalled the first wave of medical personnel from Cardassia Prime.”

Julian nodded, biting his tongue. He really did have to learn to keep his mouth shut sometimes.

Kira’s tone was brisk and businesslike. “The provisional government hasn’t exactly been…forthcoming with us about the conditions there. But the reports from our people make it pretty clear that they’re still struggling. Starfleet feels it’s in our best interest to provide a new wave of medical assistance preemptively, under whatever pretense seems most amenable to the Cardassians. They won’t admit to weakness, but if we let them fester…”

She made a vague gesture, and Julian finished her sentence for her.

“...before long, the vultures will start circling.”

Kira gave a brief nod. It was still difficult for her, performing this level of concern for the homeworld of those who had tried to destroy her culture. But she did it brilliantly. Julian saw the cracks in the façade only because he’d known her when she was still freshly plucked from the Resistance. Logically, she understood that allowing Cardassians to suffer would only make things worse for the rest of the galaxy. But in her heart of hearts…

“So,” Kira continued, swiveling in her chair. “If you’d like to recommend someone, or solicit volunteers from your staff, now is the time. I don’t think they’re in any position to be picky, so do whatever you think is best.”

“Is there a deadline?”

“The convoys will be docking here in two weeks for supplies. They should have room for about two dozen additional staff on each ship, so let’s try to fill the vacancies.”

Kira’s eyes said what her words did not. Starfleet was testing her. They knew she was a loose cannon when it came to managing diplomatic relations with Cardassia, so she needed to make a good impression. 

“Understood, Commander.” He gave her a hint of a reassuring smile.

For a moment, just a moment, the sleek professionalism lapsed and she smiled back at him in relief. “Thank you, Julian.”

***

“Is this a medical convoy, or a school field trip?” Dr. Faixa frowned at the list in front of her. “Dr. Bashir, with all due respect…”

“I know,” he cut in, not bothering to hide the frustration in his voice. “I tried to get some of the more experienced staff on board, you should’ve seen the talk I gave about the thrills of real frontier medicine.”

“I did see it,” Dr. Faixa replied, flatly. “I don’t know if it landed quite the way you intended.”

“They don’t need a chaperone,” said Julian, trying to convince himself more than anything. “All the same, I think a senior medical officer should go…just in case.”

“I would volunteer, but I feel like the locals would take my presence as an insult more than anything.” 

“Confidentially, I’m told they’re in no position to be choosy.”

“All the same…a Bajoran doctor?” Dr. Faixa just laughed, adding a few more ridges to the bridge of her nose as it crinkled up. “I’ve got more chance of being taken seriously as a Grand Nagus on Ferengar. No, Dr. Bashir - I think, if anyone, you should go.”

Inexplicably, Julian felt as though he’d just swallowed a pitcher of ice water.

“I…” He looked across the table at her, keeping his face as neutral as he could. “Do you really think so?”

“Not that I don’t enjoy working with you,” she clarified. “But - permission to speak freely, sir?”

“Of course. Always.”

“I’m more than qualified to take on the role of acting CMO in your absence. I know you’ve been spending a lot of time on your research since the war ended, but that’s not really why you came out here, is it?”

“It’s not,” Julian admitted. 

“So, just go. It’s not like you have to stay for the whole assignment. If it’s horrible, just give me a call, and I’ll tell the Commander that I simply can’t survive without you, and you’ll be back on the station before you can blink.” She grinned. “Nothing to lose, right?”

***

I’d like to think so…but one can never say.

We live in uncertain times.

The last words that Garak spoke to him kept turning over and over in his head. 

In the months that followed the end of the Dominion War, Julian had written many messages to Garak. He had sent none of them. Why, he couldn’t exactly say. There was something about the Cardassian’s tone that day, something that could make even the sweetest sip of kanar taste bitter in Julian’s mouth when he remembered it.

It was silly. He was silly. He should just write the man and ask how he was doing. It wouldn’t be difficult to find him, even if he was still keeping a low profile. But it felt so arrogant, almost. Garak needed his friendship while he was isolated on the station, exiled from his beloved homeworld. Now that he was back, what use would an alien doctor be to him? 

None whatsoever. It would never be the same between them again. 

Which was fine, Julian reminded himself. It was fine. It was natural, and normal, just like a few months ago when he walked into his quarters to find Ezri sitting on the sofa with that we need to talk, Julian expression on her face. They had trauma bonded during the war, and in the aftermath of Jadzia’s death, but it simply didn’t feel right anymore. There was a reason why Trill weren’t supposed to carry on romantic relationships from previous hosts. And while that wasn’t technically the case with them, the baggage proved to be too heavy for Ezri to bear. She told him, tearfully, that she felt haunted by the ghost of a woman she had never met, whose memories she nevertheless carried. Julian smiled sadly and held her hands in his own and told her that he understood, really, he did. 

And it was fine. 

And this would be fine. 

So why didn’t it feel that way?

***

“Dr. Bashir,” someone hissed. “Dr. Bashir!”

Julian shook himself back to consciousness. He hadn’t been asleep, exactly, but he was nevertheless reluctant to come back to full awareness of his surroundings. If he kept ignoring them…

“Dr. Bashir!” The voice was more urgent this time. A hand reached out and shook him gently by the shoulder.

He opened his eyes slowly. One of the junior medical staff was standing over him.

“Yes, Malax?”

The young Denobulan looked sheepish. “I’m sorry, Doctor, but we’ve been docked for half an hour.”

“Docked? Where?” Julian shot up in his seat and began scrambling to his feet. “Why? What’s wrong?”

“Nothing, sir. We’re on Cardassia.” 

Julian cursed under his breath. How had he managed to lose track of time so badly? Maybe his insistence on ignoring the voyage countdown was slightly ill-advised. But if he’d paid any attention at all, he would have been counting down the hours like a complete…

“Sir?” Malax was holding something out to him. Ah - his personal bag. Everything else must have been unloaded already. 

“Thank you,” said Julian, fervently. “I appreciate you coming back for me, Malax.”

“Nothing to it,” the young man said happily. “Everyone said I should let you sleep, since you’ve been up all hours running emergency drills with us on the trip, but I figured you’d want to know we landed.”

“You were right. What’s the transport code?”

Malax shook his head. “We can’t beam in. Ground transport only.” He shrugged. “Security issues, they said.”

Of course. Julian privately rolled his eyes. 

The air on Cardassia was thick and humid, just like Julian imagined it would be. They seemed to have landed in some kind of makeshift airfield, a vast field of tightly packed dirt with sparse trees in the distance. There was a small land vehicle waiting for them a few hundred feet away, and by the time they reached it, Julian’s uniform felt stifling. He unsnapped his tunic to let some air in, but it barely helped. 

He glanced over at Malax, who seemed unbothered. He’d probably taken one of those hyposprays that they were offering all the staff, a proprietary cocktail of beta blockers and anticholinergics that made it easier for warm-blooded humanoids to tolerate the climate here. Julian was determined to go without, knowing that their supply wouldn’t last for long. Eventually his body would have to adjust, so he might as well get a head start. 

It was certainly hot. It felt like a sauna, and not in the way that people usually meant that when they used it to refer to humid places on Earth. It actually, literally felt like a sauna, the kind you had to sign a medical release to go inside, and even then you weren’t allowed to stay longer than twenty minutes. This was…going to be a challenge.

Their transport worked more or less like an electric golf cart on Earth, so Julian took the wheel with some confidence and followed the dirt road towards the smoke that rose in the distance. Malax looked relieved to not be the one in charge of driving.

“Doctor, I didn’t want to say anything to the landing party, but...” Malax glanced up at Julian from the passenger seat. “Is this really more secure than just using the transporter?”

Julian shrugged. “Whatever they’re doing, you were right not to say anything. The only way to win at a Cardassian’s game is not to play.”

Malax nodded.

They sat in silence for a while, except for the hum of the small motor that pushed them onward.

“Is it…” Malax hesitated for a moment.

“Go on,” Julian prompted him.

“Is it true that you were close friends with a Cardassian before the war?” 

There was that feeling again. A cold, oozing emptiness in his chest. It should have been welcome in the heat, but somehow it didn’t actually offer any relief.

“It’s true,” he said, simply. “As close as anyone could be, I suppose.”

***

It was so much worse than he could have imagined.

The truth became evident as they grew closer to civilization. At first, Julian thought perhaps they had simply prioritized rebuilding the damage in higher-population areas. But soon he began to realize that these buildings had been repaired before, and the damage was fresh. Evidence of recent explosions, fires, and vandalism was everywhere. 

No wonder the provisional government was being so tight-lipped. They couldn’t have anyone knowing about…all this.

Malax looked pale. He swallowed thickly a few times and then looked up at Julian again.

“Doctor?”

“No,” said Julian grimly, anticipating his question. “I didn’t know. They didn’t tell me. They didn’t tell anyone.”

As they crested a hill in the road, a long metal fence came into view. It was topped with something similar to the razor wire that Julian had only seen in old Earth movies. If he recalled correctly, it was made illegal sometime even before the Bell Riots. But here on Cardassia Prime, it was obviously still very much a done thing. 

The gate was lined with armed guards. Julian slowed the vehicle to a crawl and hurriedly buttoned up his tunic so that his comm badge was readily visible.

He needn’t have bothered. The guards were already mobilizing, unlatching a complicated series of locks to let them in. None of them spoke, but the ones who met his gaze merely gave him a respectful nod and stepped aside. It was about as close to a warm reception as he could possibly expect from Cardassians.

He didn’t bother asking them which way to go. There were signs by the side of the road, some of them more damaged than others, indicating the location of the nearest field hospital. If that wasn’t meant to be his post, he could at least rendezvous with the local doctors here and figure out where he needed to go.

It was indeed a hospital building, but it appeared that an entire wing had been destroyed in a relatively recent attack of some kind. Tarps covered some of the holes in the roof, and there was a series of tents just to the left of it. Julian parked the vehicle haphazardly and grabbed his bag. There would be plenty of time to drop it off in his accommodations later. 

A young Cardassian woman in a traditional brown doctor’s coat came rushing up to him as he approached the entrance. 

“Dr. Bashir? Please. Follow me.”

Over the next twelve hours, Julian went from bedside to bedside, his medical tricorder battery rapidly draining. From whispers and murmurs he began to piece together what was happening on Cardassia, and none of it was good. The “provisional government” with which Starfleet had been in contact wasn’t exactly a recognized authority here. There seemed to be two different factions that were vying for control at the moment, not to mention a number of insurgent groups that were scrabbling their way out of the rubble. There didn’t seem to be a consensus on exactly who was responsible for the latest bombings and attacks - apparently, you could blame whoever it was politically expedient to blame. 

Dr. Isha Jaikal was a woman of few words. Aside from the brief greeting she had given Julian at the doors, she spoke only to relay crucial information. All of the local doctors seemed to be that way, which made Julian wonder if the laconic Cardassians all went into medicine and left the political positions to the ones who loved to pontificate and speak in riddles. 

He learned that the district in which he currently worked was called Ten. He didn’t know where the other nine were, or if it was simply a name. Although it was relatively secure, they still dealt with supply issues and rolling blackouts. 

“I thought I saw solar panels on my way in,” Julian prodded at one point.

“You did,” said Dr. Jaikal curtly. “The last attack destroyed the batteries, so we can’t rely on them for backup power anymore.”

“Ah.” Julian made a mental note to put that into his first field report. With any luck, Starfleet would be able to help.

He’d never envied anyone more than the younger medical officers then, flitting around the hospital with nearly as much energy as when they’re started. Julian was in his mid thirties now and felt it. His back ached, his feet throbbed, his brain was stuttering like a bad subspace connection. He had to sit down, but if he sat down he knew it would hurt much more when he stood up.

Eventually he couldn’t resist it any longer and collapsed into a hard plasticine chair. He knew he’d done enough for one day. More than enough. No one would judge him for resting, not even the Cardassians. 

But he would.

He mechanically ate a package of Starfleet field rations and drank a foul-tasting electrolyte beverage of local origin. Things were relatively quiet now. The patients were stabilized and treated as much as they could be. 

Just as his eyes began to flutter closed, a shrill sound pierced the air.

It was horribly loud and jarring, which must have been the point. Julian sat up straighter, hoping against hope that it was simply a drill.

Dr. Jaikal came jogging towards him. “We have more wounded coming in,” she said. “At least fifteen. Help me clear some beds.”

Julian hauled himself to his feet with a monumental effort. A few patients who probably should have stayed under observation were sent back to their homes or their shelters. The younger Starfleet personnel were changing bloody sheets and trying to punch some life back into dented pillows. 

And then -

And then -

“For the love of everything unholy, let go of me this instant.” A familiar voice rang through the main hall.

A rush of adrenaline jolted through Julian’s body. Dropping a blanket on a random cot, he rushed to the sound of the offended shouting.

“Have your eardrums been ruptured as well? I said unhand me.” Elim Garak, his clothes covered in dust and powder burns, with a streak of blood running down the side of his neck and one arm cocked at an unnatural angle, was standing in the middle of the hallway, surrounded by hospital staff and several other locals.

“Sir, please calm down,” a younger Cardassian pleaded with him. “We have to get you looked at.”

“I AM FINE.” Garak snarled at the man, looking more animalistic than Julian had seen him in…well…

He hadn’t seen him at all in such a long time.

Perhaps not that long. A year and change. It felt like so much longer.

Their eyes met.

Garak froze. His lips were slightly parted, and his eyes widened even more than usual as he stared at Julian. In an almost imperceptible movement, he drew himself a little more upright and puffed his chest ever so slightly.

“Dr. Bashir,” he said calmly, if a little too loudly for their proximity. “Fancy meeting you here.”

Julian cracked his knuckles, a nervous habit he thought he’d given up decades ago. “Garak, I really have to agree with…” He glanced over at the younger Cardassian, who didn’t take his cue. “This…this young man over here. You’re in need of medical treatment. Clearly.”

“My dear doctor, I am still upright. The same can’t be said for everyone.” As he spoke, several locals were carried in on sheets and makeshift stretchers. “It’s time to prioritize. Triage, I believe you doctors call it.”

Julian gave him a sour look. “I’m more than capable of triage, thanks. All of our current patients are stable. We are fully staffed. There’s plenty of medical attention to go around, now will you follow me into the clinic?”

“Is that what you’re calling it?” Garak allowed Julian to take him by his uninjured elbow and lead him onward. 

The beds were full with the rest of the injured, so Julian took him to one of the chairs and sat him down. “All right. Now. Can you tell me what happened?”

Garak gave him one of those inscrutable looks. “Rabid vole attack,” he said.

Julian sighed. “I’m guessing it was some kind of explosion.”

“Good guess, doctor! That augmented intellect of yours is getting more impressive by the day.”

There was just enough juice left in one of the dermal regenerators to restore Garak’s ruptured eardrum, and a quick scan with the tricorder determined that his elbow was dislocated but not broken. 

Julian went to one of the supply cabinets and began digging.

“If you’re looking for the local anesthetic, I have bad news.” Malax was looking grim. Despite his species’ greatly reduced need for sleep, he was still clearly exhausted from the nonstop work. 

Julian cursed under his breath.

“The pain’s not that bad, doctor,” Garak piped up. “I assure you, I’ll be fine.”

Julian nodded, thinking fast. “Good - good. Well, in that case we’ll just put it in a sling. You’ll need to exercise it several times a day to promote healing, but the rest of the time you should keep it immobile so you don’t overstrain the tendons.”

“Oh.” Garak looked mildly surprised. “You don’t have to…I don’t know, force it back into place?” He made a violent gesture with his good arm, demonstrating something he’d no doubt witnessed in war movies that Cardassians loved so much.

Julian rolled his eyes. “Garak, please. This is the twenty-fourth century. We don’t practice medical barbarism anymore.”

“Of course not. How silly of me.”

“But I will need to get you out of that coat.” Without thinking, Julian was sliding his hands under the shoulders of the fine fabric to help Garak shrug it off. It was a lighter material than Garak had typically worn on the station. That made sense, of course. The climate here was much better suited to his natural preferences, so he didn’t need to layer up like an anemic on a ski trip.

Garak tensed. He made no move to assist Julian in removing the garment until the doctor paused and repeated his name.

“Garak? Can you…”

The tailor let out a sharp breath through his nostrils. Julian wondered if he was hiding other injuries. 

“Of course. My apologies, doctor.” He shrugged off the coat on his good side, but when Julian went to peel the other sleeve off, Garak groaned.

It was a soft noise, but it didn’t go unnoticed. “I’m sorry, Garak,” said Julian quietly. “But it’s either this, or I have to cut through it.”

Garak gritted his teeth. “Doctor, if you take out a pair of scissors I will make you regret the day you were born.”

Julian nodded and went back to it. He could tell Garak was struggling to keep quiet, but he managed. 

With the coat out of the way, Julian grabbed one of the hastily assembled slings that his junior staff had painstakingly cut and tied out of old bedsheets that were too damaged to reuse otherwise. He’d have to remember to teach them some stretching and trigger point self-massage techniques to ensure they didn’t all develop repetitive motion injuries. They hardly had the resources to treat their staff here, on top of everything.

Garak was eyeing the sling with disgust. “Really, doctor?”

“I assure you, it’s been sanitized. If you happen to have some Rigellian silk lying around, I’d be happy to make you a custom sling that’s more to your tastes.” He fitted it around Garak’s shoulder and busied himself with checking that it was properly sized. “Tell me, old friend - how has it been since we last spoke? Aside from the obvious, of course.”

“It’s been…” Garak looked down at him, crouched down on the floor next to his chair. Their eyes met once again and something unspoken passed between them. “It’s been a long year, my dear doctor. Made all the longer by the fact that I’ve been missing your stimulating conversa - AAAH!”

It was a horribly undignified noise for a buttoned-up Cardassian to make, something between a yell and a sob. It had almost drowned out the loud snap of Julian forcefully cracking the Cardassian’s elbow back in place. Almost.

Garak’s wide eyes were watering. “Doctor.” He growled out the word like a curse, panting. “You…lied…”

“And now your elbow’s back in joint,” said Julian breezily. “Anything else?”

Garak’s blue eyes looked a little darker than usual. “You’ve changed, my dear doctor.”

“War does that to a man.” Julian stood up. “Rest here for a bit. I’ll try to find you something for the pain.”

He came back a minute later with a damp cloth and a muscle relaxant hypospray, which to his surprise Garak took without protest. Julian then set about cleaning the blood from Garak's neck, swiping the cloth along the ridges that connected shoulder to earlobe. 

"Things aren't…quite how I expected," he said softly, knowing none of the other patients could hear him. 

"Hmm?" Garak stared straight ahead, his posture stiff. 

"The attacks. All the civil unrest. You didn't prepare us, you didn't even ask…"

"Exactly, Doctor. We didn't ask." Garak exhaled sharply. "You came here by choice, so you've no standing to complain about the conditions."

"It's not a complaint. Simply an observation." Julian paused in his ministrations. The blood was wiped away, but he had the strange urge to keep going. 

"Why did you come here, Doctor?" Garak's eyes flicked to him suddenly. 

"Starfleet saw the reports from the last medical team. You can hardly expect that anything they witnessed would stay a secret."

"That's not what I meant. Why are you here?"

That cold panic spread in Julian's chest again. He stood up and took the bloody rag to one of the makeshift laundry carts. 

"Against all odds, I remain a Chief Medical Officer of Starfleet," he said. "In a politically charged humanitarian effort, they prefer to send at least one person who isn't wet behind the ears."

Garak laughed. "Wet behind the ears," he repeated. "Delightful. It's been so long since I've enjoyed a good Earth idiom. I’ll have to remember that one."

“Dr. Bashir!” one of the local doctors called from the other end of the room. “Could you come here, please?”

Julian did as he was told.

[puckwritesstuff]

Thanks in advance

2 & 4

8 & 9

13 & 14

46 & 50

Sorry if that too many questions.

That is not too many questions, let’s do this! Answers under the cut.

2. Favourite character?

Of the fics I've written: Drake Mallard, which would seem fairly obvious. Gyro Gearloose, however, is gaining in leaps and strides. I'm having an amazing time writing for him in this most recent fic.

Of all time: oh geez... Belle, Dick Grayson, Slade Wilson, Hermione Granger, Robin Goodfellow, Henry V, everyone on Babylon 5, Jean-Luc Picard, Q, Elim Garak, Josh Lyman, Toby Zeigler, Harry Lime, Eliot Spencer, Mara Jade Skywalker, Grand Admiral Thrawn...

I like a lot of characters ^_^

4. Favourite pairing?

I'm not going to say that I'm captain of the Fendrake ship, but I'm probably pretty high ranked. XD Though, to be completely honest, my favorite couples to write for are OC pairings in my original works.

8. Favourite fic from another author?

I tend not to go back to fics once I've finished reading them, so the term "favorite" doesn't necessarily apply, unless we're talking about "professional fanfic" like Paradise Lost or the Star Wars Expanded Universe or something. That being said, I'm always excited to see a new chapter of "A Rewritten Family HIstory" (and don't tell @1lilspark, but I'm planning on binge commenting once I've finished "Take On Me" so I can give the fic my full attention) ;)

9. Favourite fanfiction author?

I'm not sure where the line between fic and Tumblr RP blurs, but @goodliest has been my writing partner and alpha reader for years now and she writes the best Glinda Upland in the game.

13. What's your most 'overrated' work?

I'm constantly surprised that "As You Come Home" has the hits-to-kudos ratio that it does. It's not that I think it's a bad fic, I love the piece, but other than the basic 5+1 format, it's a fic that almost requires three other (long) fics to really understand and the amount of people that liked that one and none of the others is fascinating to me. I just want to know what they're getting out of it, and what their perspective is reading it.

14. What's your most 'underrated' work?

My r/WritingPrompts series, definitely. Granted, I tried to back-date them all and I didn't want to shove them in peoples faces because they're mostly very simple and kinda dumb prompts that I took far more seriously than I needed to, but I have some good writing in there, and it would be cool to see what other people think of them.

46. Favourite sentence/pragraph you ever wrote?

Oh, damn I am so bad at picking favorites... I will pick one that I really love that I think is not entirely expected and then explain why I really like it.

From "Feelings I Can't Fight":

Drake sat on the edge of the bed. Fenton sat next to him, his head on Drake’s shoulder. Drake had a hand on Fenton’s knee. Fenton’s hands were on Drake’s arm, and Drake could feel them shaking, feel his pulse through his palms. Fenton leaned up and kissed him with a question he couldn’t bear to ask. Drake kissed back, the fear in the grip of his hands on Fenton cutting through the reassurance of his arms around his waist. They fell back onto the bed.

Drake looked up at Fenton, who straddled his hips and tried to ask the question, but the words wouldn’t come. Drake traced along the edge of the faded scar on his chest and Fenton leaned down with a pleading kiss, almost begging. Drake pulled him close, trying to make his desire clear. Fenton could feel the passion and desperation as Drake’s heart threatened to beat out of his chest as he ran his fingers through Drake’s feathers.

Drake came up for air, his chest heaving as he panted. Fenton kissed along his collar as Drake combed through Fenton’s hair with his fingers. Fenton kissed him one last time before lying down, curled up next to him. Fenton’s eyes burned with tears and he could barely look up at Drake to try and ask again.

“Yes,” Drake said quietly, kissing his forehead.

Drake saw the relief in his face and could feel the tension release in his body. Fenton rested his head on Drake’s chest as Drake gently played with his hair. He closed his eyes, comforted by the sound of a steady heartbeat.

Drake wasn’t sure if he was lying.

I love this excerpt because I don't consider myself to be a particularly descriptive writer. I can see the images clearly in my head, but getting them on the page without it sounding awkward is difficult for me. I kneecapped myself further by not having dialogue. Dialogue is the meat of my writing, it's where I do almost everything, particularly when it comes to character emotion. I am very proud of being able to pull of this pivotal scene with only one spoken word, and everything else in sensation.

50. Is there something you often repeat in your fics (a verb, a trope etc)?

My characters get kidnapped a lot. Not sure where that comes from.

Thank you so much for the ask! Links will appear when the tags behave.

[abigailnussbaum]

How to do Garak/Bashir in Canon DS9

Yesterday there was a fun tweet asking people how they would remake DS9 if they were given the option today.

Which led to some fun discussions (you can see my answers here). Obviously one thing that pretty much everyone said was “canon Garak/Bashir”. That’s generally considered one of the show’s big missed opportunities, with both Andrew J. Robinson and some of the show’s producers expressing regret over never having gone there. But it did get me thinking: how would you tell this sort of story? Because look, it’s one thing to write Garak/Bashir in fanfic, filling in gaps in the canon or changing the entire tone of the story to suit your ‘ship. But if you’re retelling DS9 along basically the same lines - the end of the Cardassian occupation, the discovery of the wormhole, the Jem’hadar, the Dominion, the war with Cardassia - and with the personalities of the characters and the tone of the show largely unchanged, how do you fit Garak/Bashir into that story?

There are some obvious issues with trying to work this ship into the show’s story and overall tone. For one thing, Bashir is a Starfleet officer. We like to make fun of his early, annoying incarnation, but even in that form he is clearly a decent, principled man with strong values. It’s one thing to flirt (literally or figuratively) with a mysterious, sexy spy, but getting into a relationship with him would not only be stupid, it would run counter to Bashir’s image of himself. You could go in a dark direction with this - Garak seduces Bashir purely as a way of gaining power over him (and perhaps out of force of habit); maybe they end up in a kind of Hannibal/Will relationship. But that doesn’t seem sustainable in the long-term, or congruent with the type of show DS9 was. Bashir can’t trust Garak, and Garak has done things that Bashir would consider disgusting. That’s something you have to take into consideration if you want to write them as a long-term couple.

It’s also worth considering that, as much as the Garak/Bashir pairing lingers over the fannish perception of the show, it’s not actually that prominent in the series itself. The last episode that I would call a Garak/Bashir story, “Our Man Bashir”, is an early S4 episode, well before the Dominion War happens. And Garak is absent for a lot of the later developments in Bashir’s life - “Doctor Bashir, I Presume” (you’d think Garak, with his complicated relationship with his father, would have something to say about Julian having been illegally genetically enhanced by his parents) or “Statistical Probabilities” (a troupe of savants who claim to be able to predict the course of the war would surely be of interest to Garak). In most of these stories, Bashir is accompanied by O’Brien, a much safer option as far as suppressed sexual tension is concerned (it should go without saying that this feels like a deliberate choice on the show’s part, to undermine any idea of a Garak/Bashir relationship). Meanwhile, Bashir is absent from most of Garak’s important Dominion War stories - his relationship with Ziyal and her death, his position in Damar’s rebellion, “In the Pale Moonlight”. So if you’re going to retell DS9 with Garak/Bashir as a real ship, you'd have to rewrite a lot of these stories to take that into account.

Finally, you’ve got the show’s ending, which is an extremely dark one for Garak, who gets everything he thought he wanted - his position restored, a place of honor in Cardassian society - just at the point where Cardassia is decimated and, in his words, left dead. Working a romance with Bashir into this ending would be tricky, and risks ending up with the final scenes of Man of Steel - two people making out atop a mass grave.

(Obviously, I’m taking it as a given that this hypothetical version of DS9 is much, much better at writing mature, complicated romantic relationships than the real one. Most actual DS9 romance was painfully juvenile, and the one exception, Sisko/Kasidy, was also an extremely low-drama ship - Sisko literally sent Kasidy to jail and the next time they met they were like “so, that was a bit of a bump in the road; dinner later?” It should go without saying that Garak/Bashir would not be a low-drama ship, so the writing would need to be there to support it.)

Anyway, complicated but obviously not impossible. This is what I’ve come up with for how I would rewrite the show with Garak/Bashir as an ongoing couple. I’m sure there’s plenty of fanfic with other, better ideas.

To start with, lose the claustrophobia business. Or, you know, keep it, but the reason Garak was expelled from the Obsidian Order and banished from Cardassia is that he’s gay. (To be fair, I feel like “claustrophobia” was pretty clearly code even in the original show.) A lot of people in the upper echelons of the Cardassian hierarchy know this - Dukat certainly knows - and miss no opportunity to harass him about it.

Obviously, in this version of the show Cardassia is deeply queerphobic. I don’t think this is a huge leap. Cardassian society is deeply conformist, and family-oriented in a fascist-adjacent sort of way that prioritizes the father as the master of the home. It’s hard to imagine a society like that tolerating deviations from gender norms, and it seems fair to assume that reprecussions for such deviations would be severe.

Garak doesn’t actually have a problem with this - or at least, not that he expresses. Garak’s defining trait is that he believes in, and loves, Cardassia deeply, and espouses its chauvinistic (in both senses of the word) values to anyone who will listen. But at the same time, he’s smart enough (and enough of an outsider) to know how hollow and destructive those values really are. So Garak will explain to anyone who challenges him on it that Cardassian homophobia is right and proper, while knowing that he has fallen victim to it himself.

Bashir is out. Though “out” might not be the right word because the Federation is so nonchalant about queerness that the notion of being closeted doesn’t really exist anymore (this is a version of Star Trek where we actually follow through on the promise of a more progressive future). But at any rate, to Bashir and the other Starfleet characters, him being gay is so unremarkable that it doesn’t even come up until his and Garak’s frienship is already established. This deeply shocks Garak - he knew humans were perverted, but the good Doctor, his friend? Bashir, meanwhile, wastes no opportunity to needle Garak about his society’s barbaric homophobia (Garak: “humans may be prone to such... urges, but Cardassians are made of finer stuff”; Bashir: *rolls eyes so hard he can see the back of his head*). But at the same time, and without being entirely willing to admit it to himself, Garak is intrigued.

And so we continue for about five seasons. Garak flirts with Bashir, partly because he thinks this is a way of unsettling the good Doctor, but really because he wants him. Bashir assumes that it’s all an act, and plays along with it a little because, hey, sexy spy. But he never imagines that it could go somewhere real, and probably wouldn’t follow through if it did.

And then Bashir gets replaced with a Changeling (this is a version of DS9 where that idea was seeded throughout the first half of the fifth season instead of being decided on five minutes before “In Purgatory’s Shadow” started shooting). And the changeling takes one look at Garak, sees an obvious in, and seduces him. Which clearly causes some awkwardness when Garak finds the real Bashir in a Dominion prison camp.

Bashir finds out. Worf tells him (this is a version of Worf who isn’t weirdly sexist and judgmental about other people’s sex lives). (Bashir: “why is Garak being so weird around me?”; Worf: “he and the fake you were doing it”; Bashir: “what”; Worf: “they were boning”; Bashir: “WHAT”; Worf: “they were engaging in sexual intercourse”; Bashir: “that's not possible. Garak only flirts with me to keep me on my toes”; Worf: *shrugs* “if that’s what you want to call it”.)

So now Bashir is upset because he’s spent the last five years bugging Garak about Cardassian homophobia and it turns out that Garak was a victim of it, plus he’s now been victimized by someone wearing Bashir’s face. And Garak is upset because he let his attraction to Bashir (Garak: “my base lust!”) blind him to the fact that his friend had been replaced by a changeling, leading to him being comromised as an agent (I will leave it as an exercise to the readers which one bothers him more). And, well, if you can’t get from there to romance on your own, you may not have read enough fanfic in your life.

Then you get the war, and honestly, I don’t know. You could do an on/off thing. You could make it a very casual relationship in between the two of them trying not to die and/or lose the Alpha Quadrant to the Dominion. You could have Bashir say “fuck it, I might die tomorrow and this guy makes me happy; who cares if my boyfriend is a liar and a murderer”. You could even go the Worf/Jadzia route and have them muse romantically about having a life together after the war. But either way, they spend more time around each other than they did in the original series.

But! When Garak goes back to Cardassia to help Damar’s rebellion, there’s a lot of tension between them, because Damar heard from Dukat that Garak is a pervert (you could still keep Ziyal’s death and Garak’s anger at Damar over it; those two always made more sense as friends anyway). And then it turns out that there’s an entire Cardassian queer underground, and in typical Cardassian fashion they’ve turned it into a whole spy network with operatives at every level of government. (Garak: “why did you never approach me?”; queer Cardassian underground: “dude, have you met you?”) And they’re willing to work with Damar if he promises that in the new Cardassia, they will no longer be persecuted (I think this dovetails pretty nicely with Garak’s observation that Damar needs to be disillusioned about the flaws of Cardassian society). So all of a sudden Garak is looking at a future where what he is doesn’t make him a pariah anymore.

And then you get to the destruction of Cardassia, and, again, I’m not sure how that combines with Garak/Bashir. The entire ending of DS9 is pretty rough on romantic pairings in general, but at least when Kira/Odo and Sisko/Kasidy break up, it’s bittersweet, and in service of other new beginnings. Garak’s ending is just bleak, and I’m not sure how you deal with a romance on top of that. The best I can come up with is Bashir saying “yes, this is horrible, but you can rebuild, and if you need my help with that, I’m not far”, leaving a door open for them to reconnect in the future.

Thoughts?