#SO sorry it took me so long to answer and also thank you for the lovely ask

[julia-jck]

Hi forest ! First I wanted to say that you're really pretty !

And also, have this milkshake !

It's made by Aurora, she'd like to be friend with you ^^ (she's a bit shy)

Forest is very thankful for the compliment and gift, and he'd love to be friends ^w^

I had no idea how tall Aurora, so I bassed it fully on vibe, lol.

Also, sorry that it took so long to answer the ask. Motivation do be a bi*ch sometimes....

Aurora belongs to @aurora-starlight-silly Forest belongs to me

[sojumamii]

༊·˚puppy love༊·˚

pt.1 pt.2

summary: After getting over the initial shock of Megumi's new look, the brainstorming begins!

tags: megumi x f!reader, crack, evil puppy, yaga has a hit on gojo's life,swearing. unedited.

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Part 2 is finaaaaally here! I’m so sorry this took so long, the beginning of 2025 has been quietly chaotic over here at sojumamii inc. I also kept changing my mind on how this chapter was going to go.

But fuck it we ball! I hope you guys really enjoy this chapter! I swear it that part 3 won’t take nearly as long to upload! Please let me know your thoughts and if you have any theories on Megumi’s little predicament! 

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"Wow. Oh my god." Shoko's tired eyes widen, her jaw dropped at the sight of three students (well four) and a small ball of fur in your arms.

"I had thought Gojo was kidding when he called, but Megumi's literally...a puppy...." she says blankly her mind unable to process the sight of the usually calm and collected Megumi now turned into a fluffy little dog. She chalked up Gojo's earlier phone call regarding Megumi's curse as just another one of his bad jokes or an elaborate way to waste her time. 

Yuji sheepishly rubs the back of head, chuckling nervously at the nurse's shocked gaze, being expressive isn't exactly something Shoko is known for.

You sigh offering the nurse a soft smile,"Trust me I wish he was, any way you can check him out?" you ask, gesturing to Megumi fast asleep in your arms.  

Shoko nods,"Hmm..I'm no veterinarian, but lets see. Set him down on the examining table." she states while pulling on her white lab coat.

Gently you lay Megumi's miniature body onto the infirmary bed, scratching at his head with your finger to wake him up,"Hey Gumi, you gotta wake up now we have to let Shoko check you out," you whisper soothingly.

Megumi's dark eyes flutter open at your coaxing, he looks at you with curiosity then sits up on all four legs, yawning cutely with an audible chirp. You coo unable to help finding him so cute as a puppy, especially sleepy and tiny.

"Fushiguro's actually cute as a little mutt when he's not being a yappy rat..." Nobara quips, pursing her lips at the pomeranian in question. Yuji nods but elbows the auburn haired girl nervously," Yeah he's adorable but careful he does bite remember.." making Nobara scoff and roll her eyes, muttering an ‘oh i wish he would' threateningly under her breath.

Shoko laughs at your antics, gently scooping Megumi with one hand up to her   chest and checking his heartbeat with the stethoscope she asks the million dollar question even you want to know,"So...how'd he end up like this?" 

You turn around to the disaster twins expectantly and raise an eyebrow urging them to answer the question.

"I also want to know, I told them to explain once they got here." 

Both students tense up and after a beat of silence, Nobara elbows Yuji, shoving him in front of her. He turns around with an aghast expression of betrayal on his boyish features.

"Thanks alot Kugisaki!" The pink haired boy whines his toned pointed and annoyed.

Both you and Shoko look at them impatiently, making Yuji sigh and clear his throat. Megumi is set down, sitting up on the bed and yips at his two friends as if saying,'stop fooling around!'

"So..." He begins,"We were dispatched on a mission to check out an abandoned pet store that had an intense amount of curses attracted to it, meaning obviously there was either an even stronger curse or cursed object they were drawn to." Yuji takes a deep breath,"And when it turned out to be a grade 1 curse we had to put up an extra fight-" Yuji huffs in exasperation,"It hit Kugisaki pretty hard so when I went to check on her it let out a pretty scary attack and Fushiguro over here jumped in front of it for us while his divine dog dealt the finishing blow and well....was cursed into a puppy..." Yuji trails off, eyeing Megumi's puffy body with a nervous smile.

You and Shoko sigh taking in the information. You lean down to get face to face with your boyfriend, raising an eyebrow your hands on your hips ,"Oh...so you're like this because you decided to play hero." scoffing you continue,"Serves you right, you could've just let totality tank the attack and then all three of you woulda been okay." you pick him up and look him in the eye,"tch...bad boy..." 

Megumi thrashes and grumbles, feeling embarrassed to be scolded by you not only in front of everyone...but literally being scolded like a dog.

"Do we know anything else about this curse?" Shoko inquires, observing Megumi in your arms.

Nobara shakes her head,"Not really no," she lets out a sigh,"All we know is that it was a grade 1 and lived in an abandoned pet store, its powers weren't documented. Gojo said he was going to see if Nanami or Yaga could get ahold of any more information. He didn’t even give us much information beforehand either.” she grumbles

Your expression changes into a more serious one,"So it's unknown if the curse has turned others into animals? It's odd that it didn't wear off once the curse got exorcised..." you trail off, unconsciously scratching Megumi's head, making his puffy tail wag furiously as he chases your touch.

Yuji snickers, quietly pointing at Megumi's tiny body going boneless in relaxation.

You look down and laugh at how natural he is as a puppy, cooing as you stroke his fur,"Well it doesn't seem like he minds being like this very much..." you quip. There's a soft bout of laughter in the room when Megumi whips his head back up, snapping back into reality when he feels eyes on him.

The puffy pomeranian jumps out of your arms onto the hospital bed, sneezing indignantly stomping his tiny paws in embarrassment and protest.

As you're about to tease him again, both Yaga and Nanami step into the threshold of the door knocking to announce themselves.

"My god Satoru wasn't joking-the boy's really a damn dog!" Yaga gasps in disbelief removing his sunglasses and rubbing his eyes harshly.

Nanami's breath hitches,"Fushiguro..? I presumed that idiot was just being as foolish as usual…but wow.” the ex-salaryman takes a few steps over to infirmary bed, leaning down to eye level with Megumi, inspecting him,”At the very least, is he alright?”

Megumi lets out a scrappy bark as an answer to his question, unintentionally rumbling in satisfaction when Nanami scratches his head. 

“Well he’s healthy and uninjured, and as you saw can understand us” Shoko affirms,”But my reversed curse technique won’t restore him back to normal.”

You look to the principal and Nanami,”Oh right, these two said Gojo was going to see if you guys knew anything about the curse or knew anything about it?” 

Yaga sighs in indignation,”When I dispatched that mission for the students I told Satoru everything we had regarding the curse and what had been happening. Either that fool forgot or didn’t care to warn any of you,” his tone is that of frustration, his eyes falling to Megumi, Yuji, and Nobara.

Nanami adds,” Ijichi and myself revisited the sight of the mission and talked to locals in the area to get more information.” he crosses his arms growing serious,”Apparently there have been multiple accounts of people suddenly being turned into puppies and haven’t changed back since.”

All of you gasp Megumi himself tensing up. To calm him down you scoop him into your arms and stroke his fur, your eyes regarding him with worry and empathy,”Oh Gumi…don’t worry…”

“Does that mean Fushiguro’s gonna be like this forever?! There’s gotta be something we can do?!” Yuji exclaims. Everyone looks to the poor puppy in your arms in deep concern.

“Will you all please calm down. You didn’t let me finish.” Nanami sighs,”The curse itself was born from spite and vengeance of...” he closes his eyes, tipping his head back from the ridiculousness of what he’s going to say.

“Nanami come on-“ you urge.

“A puppy.”

There’s a pause, the silence in the room is loud.

“A PUPPY?!” everyone yells in disbelief. 

Yaga confirms Nanami’s statement,”That’s correct and it’s PRECISELY what I told Satoru.”

“But how can that be? I thought only a human’s negative emotions could create a curse- how could a dog possibly feel so much it creates a curse?” you shriek, swiftly holding out Megumi to stare at his boxy little face.

Yaga takes a seat in one of the chairs massaging his temple,”Negative emotions are negative emotions regardless of who or what makes them. This puppy had a particular vitriol towards an employee who scolded it once, and also had a dislike towards other dogs that said employee praised and rewarded. Frankly I myself can’t wrap my head around it- nothing like this has ever been seen so far in sorcerer history…” he sighs in resigantion

Everyone is beyond bewildered, how can this be?

“I-I don’t even know what to think…that’s so bizarre…” Shoko stutters out, Nobara nodding in stunned agreement.

“So a curse was born from an anti-social grumpy and jealous puppy…it made a curse that turns people into puppies out of SPITE?” you belabor, under normal circumstances you’d laugh, the puppy sounds like Megumi’s  but it’s so ridiculous… and without any knowledge or hindsight not a single one of you can even know if it’s reversible. 

“It would seem so…” Nanami confirms, removing his sunglasses, looking at Megumi in your arms with tense concern. Said boy deflates,”A malevolent puppy is a rather farfetched idea..”

Yuji has stayed uncharacteristically quiet. Stuck in serene concentration in the corner of the room, he snaps his fingers perking up suddenly,”WAIT! I got it!”

You all look at him, some in confusion, others expectantly.

“The puppy didn’t get along with other dogs and people right? What if the answer to breaking the curse is getting along and making friends with them!”  the pink haired boy concludes with a sparkle of hope in his hazel eyes.

Nanami and Yaga think for a moment, you and Megumi stare at each other in a silent conversation.

“That’s the stupidest idea I’ve ever heard-“ Nobara interjects

“He may have a point.” You interrupt,”It makes a lot of sense actually, if the puppy was just mad it had no friends, it’s a very logical conclusion to come to.” you send a grateful sweet smile to your friend,”Thanks, Yuji. This a good place to start.” 

The adults in the room nod in agreement. It’s a sound theory, turn a malevolent puppy, into sweet and sociable? 

Yuji shyly rubs the back of his head, his face flushed an endearing red,”Ah. W-Well y-you know anything to help out Fushiguro, y’know?”

Megumi not liking the interaction ,lets out a low growl that you can feel in arms. He bares his teeth towards Yuji, making his best friend chuckle nervously. Waving his hands in panic Yuji rapidly defends himself with amusement,”Woah Fushiguro, down boy geez!”

You scoff fondly, covering Megumi’s little face with your palm,”Be nice. That’s what started this whole mess.” making said puppy thrash and grumble until he eventually placates himself.

“It’s a long shot and not guaranteed to change Fushiguro back, but it doesn’t hurt to try while we find something more concrete.”  Yaga gets up to stretch,”I trust you can play well with others Fushiguro, you three keep us posted. Shoko keep monitoring his health. Nanami and I will try to double check any records for similar cases.” Both sorcerers make their way out,”Oh and by the way, if you see Satoru, let him know my fist is waiting to meet him upside the head.”

All four of you chuckle amusedly, silently hoping you can get a front row seat to Gojo’s ass beating.

You hold Megumi up to look him mischievously in his large dark eyes,”Well well Guuuumi,” you say sing-songy,”Looks like the day I’ve been waiting for is finally here!”  Megumi grumbles with a whine, knowing exactly what you’re getting at.

‘Guuumi can I please put blush on you?! You’d look soo cuute!’

‘Gumi can I put on these hair clips on you!? They’re Baditzmaru! He looks just like you!’

‘Pleaaaase your lashes are so pretty, it would be a waste to not put on eye glitter!.

‘God damn it...’  Megumi thinks as he flashes back to all the times you’ve turned him into your personal doll, though 90% of the time he indulges you because he can’t resist the bright sparkle in your wide eyes, and the sweet pouty look on your face or the convincing lilt in your voice that tugs at his heartstrings. But now

Now you have completely free reign.

“You’re gonna be the cutest dog in the park! Everyone will be flocking to be your friend!” you beam, cooing as you press little kisses to his face. 

“You guys ready?” you turn to your friends with an excited determination.

Yuji and Nobara match your expression, pumping their fists in the air,”Operation turn Fushiguro is a go!” 

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Requests are open!

Bye for now! <3 

tags: @kxllanxtdoor

[arc852]

Fault 3/3

Summary: Joel and Jimmy finally have that talk.

Warnings: self-blame, self-deprecation, slight anger and jealousy, and crying

Word Count: 4649

Part 1 | Part 2 | AO3 Link

Sorry this took so long! My brain has been mush when it's come to writing lately. But it's finally done! I hope you guys enjoy!

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 Tango kept the hand holding Jimmy close to his chest as his other hand curled around him in the front, blocking him from view. He walked down the hallway, doing his best to keep steady and being wary and mindful of his surroundings. His eyes were constantly looking around the hall, just waiting for someone’s door to open or for someone to round the corner. Thankfully, the hallway stayed empty as Tango completed the short journey to Grian and Joel’s door.

 After giving one last glance toward both ends of the hallway, he removed the hand curled around the front of Jimmy in order to use it to knock on the door. Though his hand quickly returned back to position right after. He looked down, sharing a small glance with Jimmy in the short time they were waiting for an answer. Jimmy smiled up at him and Tango couldn’t help but smile back.

 His eyes snapped back up to the door though as it opened to reveal Grian. “Oh, hey!” Grian said with a small smile.

 “Hey, Grian! I’m guessing Joel told you, I mean, it’d be weird if he didn’t, but I was hanging out with Jimmy and am just here to drop him back off.” Tango explained and then once again lifted his curled hand to reveal the borrower. Jimmy waved at Grian and Grian’s smile widened a bit more as he saw him. 

 “Yeah, Joel told me. You guys were gone for longer than I thought you’d be though. You guys have fun?” Grian asked though Tango knew the question was mostly directed at Jimmy. So Tango kept quiet as he let Jimmy answer.

 “Yeah! It was great!” Jimmy exclaimed. Tango could feel his heart warm at the confirmation that Jimmy had just as much fun as he had. He nodded along in agreement, once again letting his eyes wander down to Jimmy, looking at him fondly. 

 Movement, however, caught his attention and he looked back up to see Grian holding out his hand. Ah, right. He got the hint. He hesitated for only a moment before he carefully moved his own hand, the one holding Jimmy of course, up against Grian’s in order to give Jimmy the chance to swap hands. He watched as Jimmy stood, stumbling just slightly but quickly catching his balance, and walked onto Grian’s hand.

 Tango patiently waited, only taking his hand back once he was sure Jimmy was fully settled onto Grian’s. As he moved his hand back to his side, Grian gave him a strange look, an almost confused looking one. Tango blinked, having no idea what that kind of look could be for and feeling just as confused himself.

 He decided to ignore it, turning his attention back to Jimmy instead.

 “Thanks again for hanging out with me Jimmy.” Tango said with a hint of shyness in his smile, rubbing the back of his head. “It really was fun.”

 “We’ll have to do it again!” Jimmy said and once again Tango felt his chest warm again, feeling a bit lighter knowing Jimmy wanted to hang out with him again. Tango grinned as he felt himself bounce a bit at the thought.

 “Absolutely.” Tango agreed.

 “You’re welcome to come around any time, Tango.” Grian said as he moved the hand holding Jimmy close to his chest, mirroring the way Tango had been holding him just a moment ago. “Just give us a bit of warning first.”

 “Of course! I’ll shoot you guys a text if I ever feel like I need some Jimmy and me time.” Tango joked, which was followed by Jimmy laughing. Tango grinned, proud of himself for making Jimmy laugh like that.

 As Jimmy’s laughter died down, he looked back up at Tango. “And I’ll have Joel or Grian send a text if I feel the same.” He was grinning, following along with Tango’s joke, but like Tango, also being completely honest. 

 “Sounds like a plan then.” Tango said, shooting Jimmy with a single finger gun and a wink, which made Jimmy chuckle once again. Tango’s grin then lessened only slightly as he continued. “Good luck by the way, with the…ya know.” Tango said, being vague since he wasn’t sure if Jimmy wanted him to be the one to tell Grian about the talk Jimmy was planning on having with Joel or not.

 Grian looked between the two of them in confusion but Jimmy just nodded. “Thanks.” He said simply and Tango knew he was probably correct in not saying anything. He’s sure once Jimmy and Grian were in private that Jimmy would ask for his help and advice in going about it though.

 “Course.” He stuck his hands in his pockets and smiled. “Well, I better get going. I’ll see you later?” Tango still asked, maybe just wanting that little bit of extra confirmation even if he didn’t really need it.

 “See you later!” Jimmy said, excitement flickering in his eyes at the thought.

 “See you around.” Grian chimed in and Tango gave him a nod and a smile too.

 Tango backed away from the door as Grian made to close it. Sending one last wave to the two, though mostly Jimmy, right before the door closed fully. He let out a little happy sigh and was about to start walking back to his dorm before he paused, hearing footsteps behind him. He couldn’t help but turn back around, only to see none other than Joel round the corner. 

 They both froze as their eyes locked and Tango was suddenly reminded of the bit of hostility Joel had shown toward him earlier.

 Joel, meanwhile, as soon as he had seen Tango, tried his best to keep his face carefully neutral. Just because he knew what and why he was feeling the way he was, did not mean he was done with feeling them. No matter how much he didn’t want to feel it, he still felt that spark of jealousy rush through him at the sight of his friend. 

 Joel took a deep breath, trying his best to not let his feelings get the better of him this time. As he did so, his eyes wandered down from Tango’s face to his hands but they appeared to be empty. Considering he was at Joel’s door, he could only assume he had already dropped Jimmy off. Unless Jimmy was in Tango’s pocket, but Joel highly doubted that, what with the way Tango was currently hoodie-less.

 Joel looked back up to meet Tango’s eyes again, wincing as Tango’s eyes seemed to dart between him and the opposite end of the hall. Yeah, fair enough. But even still, Joel had to make things right. And not just with Jimmy. So, Joel was the first one to move, coming closer to both Tango and his door.

 “Tango.” Joel greeted with a nod, stopping only a few feet in front of Tango. He kept his voice low, not wanting Grian or Jimmy to overhear and open the door before he had a chance to talk with Tango a bit.

 Tango nodded back. “Joel.” He then titled his head. “What are you doing out here?” Tango asked. He had been under the impression that he was inside the dorm already, though he supposed it made sense now that Grian was the one to open the door.

 Joel simply shrugged. “Needed a walk.” He mumbled a bit, turning his gaze away for a moment. He had been hoping to be back before Tango dropped Jimmy off, but the walk had been good for him and he’s sure this talk would be too. He just…had to get himself to the actual talking part. He flicked his eyes back toward Tango.

 “I’m…sorry. About earlier.” Joel said, watching closely as Tango’s eyes widened a bit, not having expected the apology. It looked as though Tango wanted to say something but Joel continued before Tango could, wanting to finish the apology first. “I was angry and-and scared. And…maybe a bit jealous too,” he mumbled that bit more to himself, though Tango still clearly heard it. “But I shouldn’t have acted that way toward you either way. So…yeah. Sorry.” He finished lamely.

 His gaze had drifted to looking at anything other than Tango when he started speaking, afraid of how Tango might react to his apology. A hand suddenly came down onto his shoulder, causing Joel to jump and finally drift his gaze back up to Tango’s face. Joel looked at Tango with wide eyes but felt relieved to see a soft smile had settled on Tango’s features. “Hey, I’m not saying this excuses all that but…I get it dude. Trust me.” Tango said before letting his smile grow a bit more. “And I forgive you.”

 Joel…had honestly not expected to be forgiven so easily. Especially with such a bad apology. But Tango didn’t seem like he was lying. Well, if that was the case, this went way better than he thought it was going to. Hopefully that was foreshadowing for his talk with Jimmy. “Thanks.” Joel said after a moment, letting himself smile back at Tango. 

 “Dude, of course. You’re my friend and clearly going through something. Of course I’m gonna forgive you.” Tango said before taking his hand off of Joel’s shoulder. “Maybe just ease up on the snappiness next time?”

 Joel winced but nodded. “Yeah, no, totally.” He could do that.

 Tango nodded. “Then we’re all good.” 

 Man, Joel had the best friends a guy like him could want, huh?

 Grian, Jimmy, Impulse and Tango, they were all there for him in different ways and maybe Joel was just now fully realizing that. Speaking of Impulse though, Joel reminded himself of his earlier conversation with him. “Hey uh, I actually ran into Impulse while I was out walking. He said we should plan to hang out, the four of us. Would uh, would you be…down?”

 Tango grinned. “Yeah man, that sounds fun!”

 Joel smiled, why had he been so nervous to ask? “We’ll have to text about it later then.” He was looking forward to it, the four of them hanging out. It…would be nice if Jimmy could join them, but obviously that probably wouldn’t be happening any time soon.

  Joel glanced over at his door, his smile fading a bit as he realized it was probably time to head in. He sighed. “Well…I better get in there. I have a uh…a talk I gotta have with Jimmy.”

 Tango’s eyes widened, surprised but happy that Joel seemed to be taking the initiative to speak with Jimmy about how he’s been acting. At least, that’s what Tango’s assuming the talk is going to be about. He’ll have to ask Jimmy about it later, but he’s pretty sure considering Joel had already taken the initiative with Tango himself. Tango smiled.

 “Good luck.” Tango said. “But I don’t think you’ll need it.”

 Joel hummed, a lot of thoughts circling in his head. “You think?”

 Tango shrugged. “I know.”

 Joel bit his lip, not knowing how Tango could possibly know. “How?” He asked and Tango raised his eyebrow, sending him a look.

 “Cause it’s Jimmy.” Tango said and oh. Yeah. Tango did actually have a point there. At the very least, it made Joel feel a bit better about all this. 

 “Right.” He said. “Right.” This was Jimmy and he knew Jimmy. Things would be okay. He just had to keep telling himself that. “I’ll catch you later then.” 

 “See ya.” Tango said with a little wave before turning around and heading back to his dorm. Joel watched him go for a moment, but didn’t wait for Tango to turn the corner before unlocking his door and heading inside.

 As he closed the door behind him, his ears perked up at the sound of a few hushed voices. He turned around and scanned the room, only to see Grian and Jimmy at Grian’s desk. Grian was leaned back in his chair, his laptop open but pushed back to give Jimmy room to stand where the laptop had once been. They appeared to be talking, but when Joel walked a bit further into the room they paused and looked over at him. 

 Well, now Joel just felt awkward.

 Grian gave Joel a little head nod in greeting before turning back to Jimmy. “Don’t worry, everything will be fine.” He said before pushing off the desk and standing up. He walked past Joel, Joel moving out of the way when he realized Grian was heading for the door.

 Joel glanced over at Jimmy and then back to Grian, confused in more ways than one. “Where are you going?” Joel asked, but Grian just shrugged, a small smile on his face.

 “Just giving you two some privacy.” Was all Grian said before he was gone. Joel hearing the lock click into place.

 “Right…” Joel muttered to himself. He had half expected Grian to stick around for Joel’s talk with Jimmy, Grian could be nosy like that sometimes. But he was glad Grian decided to leave it to them this time. He mentally braced himself before turning to look back at Jimmy. He was still in the same spot, looking up at Joel with eyes filled with what seemed to be…determination? Weird.

 Joel took in a deep breath, psyching himself up for this. He took a few steps closer, until he was right up against Grian’s chair. He gripped the top of it to ground himself and was just about to open his mouth and start talking when, surprisingly, Jimmy beat him to it.

 “Joel…what’s been going on with you lately?” Jimmy asked, not unkindly but Joel couldn’t help but tense up anyway. “Because you’ve just seemed kind of…off lately.” Jimmy continued. Joel wanted to cover his face in his hands and groan and had to fight the urge to do so. Was he just…that obvious? At the very least he thought he was doing a good job of hiding it from Jimmy. But apparently not. And that just made him feel even worse.

 Joel let out a deep sigh. At least Jimmy bringing it up first gave him a good place to start. “That’s actually what I wanted to talk to you about.” Joel said and suddenly he couldn’t look into Jimmy’s eyes anymore. “I…I’m sorry.”

 Jimmy blinked, looking confused all of a sudden. “You’re sorry? For what?”

 Joel winced. “For what happened. For not…for letting you fall out of my pocket.” Joel said, his grip around the back of Grian’s chair becoming tighter. He let his eyes wander back to the borrower, too curious of Jimmy’s reaction. When he saw that Jimmy’s eyes were wide with what Joel could only assume was surprise, well, Joel couldn’t say he had been expecting that.

 “For letting me-what? Joel, you didn’t let anything happen, it was an accident!” Jimmy exclaimed, raising his hands up as he did. His hands quickly fell and Jimmy’s wide-eyed expression grew softer, sadder. “You do know that right? That it wasn’t your fault.”

 Joel was silent. He couldn’t very well answer that the way Jimmy wanted him to without lying.

 Jimmy seemed to deflate at his silence. “Joel…” 

 “It’s hard to see how it isn’t my fault.” Joel said after a few moments of silence had passed. Joel had done everything wrong. He hadn’t been careful, he had been going too fast, he hadn’t had his hand in the pocket with Jimmy…Everything pointed to him being the one at fault for what had happened.

 Jimmy looked at Joel sadly, mind racing for something he could do. As the idea came to him, he stood up straighter, his determination back like a fire. “Joel.” Jimmy said in order to gain back Joel’s attention. As soon as the human’s eyes were back on him, Jimmy continued. “Come here.” Jimmy practically ordered. Joel blinked, taken aback by the sudden command but he obeyed. Stepping around the chair and coming right up next to the desk, looming over Jimmy in a way that Joel usually tried to avoid nowadays.

 Jimmy nodded at him but he was far from done. “Hand.” Jimmy said next, pointing to right in front of him. Joel was still trying to figure out where this was going but he laid his hand flat at where Jimmy had pointed anyway, his palm up. As soon as his hand had come to a stop, Jimmy wasted no time climbing up and onto Joel’s hand. He took a seat in the center of Joel’s palm before looking back up at him. “Up.”

 Joel couldn’t help the deadpan look and the slight curve of his lips even as he did what Jimmy asked. “I’m not a dog you know.” Joel said quietly, just a hint of his usual sarcasm. Jimmy also let his lips curve into a brief smile before his features schooled back into his look of determination. Joel brought him up, making sure his hand was as steady as ever before stopping at chest level. But it seemed like that wasn’t enough.

 “Higher.” Jimmy said, still pointing up. Joel did so, bringing his hand to eye level. “Now closer.” Jimmy said and Joel was getting increasingly more and more confused about what the heck Jimmy was doing. But he continued to do as Jimmy said. He brought Jimmy closer to his face and paused when any closer would have Jimmy actually touching his face.

 Though that seemed to be exactly Jimmy’s plan.

 As soon as he stopped his hand, Jimmy stood up and went forward, gripping the top sides of his nose. The sudden closeness of the borrower forced Joel to look at him cross-eyed and caused him to tense, not expecting Jimmy to do something like that. He was afraid that one wrong twitch would have Jimmy falling so he carefully moved his other hand underneath the one holding Jimmy, just in case. “J-Jimmy?” Joel stuttered out, wondering what the heck the borrower was doing.

 He could feel the slight pressure on his nose increase just a bit more as Jimmy looked him right in the eyes. “It wasn’t your fault.” Jimmy said sternly, his tone leaving no room for arguments.

 Joel tried anyway. “But-”

 “Nope,” Jimmy cut him off. “It wasn’t your fault and I don’t blame you for it. Of course I don’t blame you for it, it was an accident.” Jimmy’s expression turned sad once more, though his determination hadn’t gone away either. “And I’m fine. Everything worked out and nothing too bad actually happened.”

 Joel couldn’t help but look away, huffing a bit. Though it was hard when he couldn’t move his head and Jimmy was literally taking up almost his entire vision. “Only because of Tango…” Joel muttered. But of course, Jimmy heard it and it caused his previous look of confusion to come back.

 “Wait, what?” Jimmy asked. He briefly leaned back due to his confusion but very quickly went back and leaned in even closer, forcing Joel to look back at him again. “What about Tango?”

 What about Tango? Did Jimmy not see it? The fact that Tango was the whole reason Jimmy was even okay in the first place? “Come on, Jim. The only reason ‘nothing too bad’ even happened was because Tango was there to save you.” Joel said, a lot more snappy than he had wanted.

 Jimmy blinked and the fact that Joel was making Jimmy so confused was starting to get to him a bit. “And you’re…upset with Tango because of that?” Okay, when Jimmy said it like that it really didn’t make any sense. No wonder Jimmy was so confused.

 Joel winced and sighed and if Jimmy wasn’t right up on his face he would have used his free hand to rub at his face. “No. Yes? It’s…complicated?” Joel was doing a terrible job explaining this so far. “...That was one of the other things I wanted to bring up, actually.” 

 In order to continue talking properly though, he needed Jimmy not so close to his face. So, carefully, he brought his free hand up and pinched Jimmy’s sides. He didn’t use the pinched grip to lift him though, just to move him away from his face and back into the center of his palm. Jimmy tensed slightly as Joel’s fingers pinched him but otherwise he simply let it happen. As soon as Jimmy was away from his face, he let go of his pinched grip and then brought his hand farther down so it was resting back at chest level.

 “There’s…a lot more I have to bring up too.” Joel said, rubbing the back of his neck with his free hand. “I ran into Impulse earlier and he helped me figure out what to say but it’s still…hard.” He finished lamely before sighing again. “But yeah, I think I’ve been feeling a bit…jealous lately. Of Tango.”

 “Jealous? Because he was the one who saved me?” Jimmy asked, still looking just as confused as he sounded. Joel shrugged.

 “I mean, yeah…” Joel groaned and shook his head. Why were feelings so hard to explain? “But also like today, you wanted to hang out with him. And…and maybe it was my fault for assuming, but I really thought you would say no to him? Because of what happened? And when you didn’t, I just…I don’t know. I was upset.”

 “...I did notice that you didn’t seem to want me to go with Tango.” Jimmy said after a moment.

 Joel winced. Yet another thing he hadn’t hid as well as he thought he had. “I’m sorry.” Gosh, why was he so bad at this? “But that’s not all of it. I’ve been mad at myself because I blame myself for what happened, I’ve been jealous of Tango for being the one to save you, but I’ve also been…” Joel trailed off, looking away.

 Jimmy stood up in Joel’s palm, which caused Joel’s eyes to flick back over to him. His other hand was already coming up close just in case Jimmy lost his balance. “Also been what?” Jimmy asked, his voice soft, inviting Joel to continue.

 Joel let out a small sigh. “I’ve been…scared. Scared of you being hurt or worse, and…and scared of you leaving.”

 “Leaving?” Jimmy’s eyes were wide again. “Joel, I wouldn’t-”

 “But you could.” And oh, saying it out loud was causing a few tears to leak from Joel’s eyes. “I-I couldn’t even blame you if you did. I should be able to keep you safe and yet you fell out of my pocket and almost died. You fell into a glue trap and almost died. I can’t…obviously I can’t protect you, so why would you even stay if I’m just putting you in danger?” Joel was full on crying now, angry tears streaming down his face. He didn’t want to say these words, didn’t want to believe them. But it was so hard to see them as lies.

 “Joel-”

 Joel shook his head, cutting off Jimmy without even really meaning to, so lost in his own self-blame. “I-I’ve messed up so much that I shouldn’t even really be holding you right now. I shouldn’t be-” Joel cut himself off as he realized he didn’t even feel worthy enough to hold Jimmy anymore. He tried to lower his hands back down to the desk, intent on letting Jimmy off.

 “Joel Beans, don't you dare put me down.” Jimmy said and Joel froze, staring down at Jimmy with wide tear filled eyes.

 Silence filled the room as Jimmy took a deep breath, processing everything Joel had just said. Joel couldn’t help but feel like he had messed this talk up. He was supposed to be telling Jimmy how he felt, which he supposed he was, but calmly and rationally. Not letting his emotions get the best of him. Not letting his own insecurities and fears win again.

 He felt another apology on the tip of his tongue but before he could say it out loud, Jimmy spoke, breaking the silence first. “Joel, I trust you completely.” Jimmy said, surprising Joel. Out of everything, he certainly wasn’t expecting Jimmy to start with that. “You’ve earned my trust over these last few months. At this point I don’t even think-no, I know you would never do anything that would make me want to leave. Ever.”

 Joel bit his lip, trying to focus on Jimmy’s words, but his mind kept swirling around those same anxieties. “But just two days ago I almost hurt-”

 “No.” Jimmy said, cutting off Joel before he could start spiralling again. Joel’s mouth snapped closed. “You didn’t do anything. I almost got hurt, yes, but you didn’t do anything.” Jimmy’s hardened gaze softened. “Joel, it wasn’t your fault. It was just a series of accidents that happened to end with me on the floor. I don’t blame you at all for it.” Jimmy’s eyes went sad as he stared right into Joel’s eyes. “So I wish you would stop blaming yourself.”

 “I-”

 Jimmy cut him off again. “And before you bring up the glue trap, that definitely wasn’t your fault. You had no idea and I was the one who walked right into it.”

 “But I feel like I’ve been failing to protect you.” Joel said, his shoulders tense but his hands never wavering in their steadiness. 

 Jimmy shook his head. “No, Joel, you haven’t failed at anything. You protect me when I most need it. You…you might not be able to  protect me all the time, but that has nothing to do with what you think is failing.” Jimmy reached out and grabbed hold of one of Joel’s fingers, hoping it would help ground Joel, even just a little bit. Joel let out a little gasp but didn’t try to pull his finger away.  

 “Joel?” Jimmy spoke again when Joel didn’t say anything. That gained him back Joel’s wavering attention due to his thoughts. “Can you lift me up higher again?”

 Joel blinked, a few more tears escaping as he did so, but nodded and carefully lifted his hand so that Jimmy was eye level with him again. Jimmy let go of Joel’s finger in favor of touching Joel’s face again. He reached over to below Joel’s eye and wiped a tear away, uncaring that his hand was now soaked. “I trust you.” Jimmy said, staring right in Joel’s eyes, not a hint of hesitation in his features. “I trust you and I’m not leaving and I don’t blame you for anything.” Jimmy repeated, tilting his head and giving Joel a soft smile as he did so. “Okay?”

 Doubt still circled around in Joel’s mind. But seeing Jimmy so earnestly tell him it wasn’t his fault, that he was trusted, well…Joel couldn’t help but believe Jimmy. And he knew, deep down, that that bit of doubt would never leave. There would always be things that Joel would blame himself for, especially when it came to Jimmy. But, at least for now, he felt like he could deal with it. With Jimmy’s help, at least.

 “Okay.” Joel said, his voice as soft as Jimmy’s smile.

 “Good.”

 It was silent for a moment.

 “So…are you feeling any better?” Jimmy asked, his grin urging for the answer to be a yes. He leaned further against Joel’s face, causing Joel’s nose to twitch a little.

 Joel couldn’t help but roll his eyes at the look Jimmy was giving him. “I guess.” Joel groaned out. He poked at Jimmy’s side gently, making sure there was no real strength to the poke. Jimmy remained steady leaning against Joel’s face. “You couldn’t just let me wallow in my own self-blame, huh?”

 “Joel…”

 Joel sighed. “I know, I know.” He paused for a moment. “Serious answer is I will be.”

 Jimmy sighed but smiled softly. “Well, I’ll be here to keep reminding you then.”

 Joel smiled back. “Yeah. Yeah you will be.”

[kxtsukixoxo]

OOO TOKOYAMI FRIENDS TO LOVERS???? TOKOYAMI SITS INFRONT OF READER AND DARK SHADOW STARTS TO GOSSIP AND GIGGLE WITH READER QUIETLY (^_^)v TOKOYAMI AND READER EVENTUALLY START TO HANGOUT AND YK WHAT ELSE (*^-^) IDK IVE HAD THIS CUTIE IDEA FOR A WHILE AND YOURE THE ONLY WRITER I HAVE ENOUGH TRUST TO SHARE THE IDEA WITH </3

IM ABSOLUTELY HONOURED TO WRITE THIS OUT <33!!

from strangers to friends to lovers

𝗡𝗢𝗪 𝗣𝗟𝗔𝗬𝗜𝗡𝗚 - 𝗙𝗥𝗢𝗠 𝗧𝗛𝗘 𝗦𝗧𝗔𝗥𝗧 (𝗙𝗧 𝗙𝗨𝗠𝗜𝗞𝗔𝗚𝗘 𝗧𝗢𝗞𝗢𝗬𝗔𝗠𝗜)

classmates? seatmates? friends? lovers? just kiss already!

the new seating plan was weird, as much as you’ve been with your class for a year and still counting, you weren’t that familiar with the people surrounding you. you took a seat, deciding to just stick to yourself and hoping the day would go by faster if you did. it seems like the universe had the complete opposite in store for you. 

“psssst” you ignored it, thinking it was kaminari trying to call kirishima for something stupid 

“heeeyyy, you!” the voice whispered. you picked your head up, coming face to face with tokoyamis quirk. 

dark shadow. 

“hiiii!” the funny creature called. tokoyami seemed oblivious to this, considering he had his desk on the table, snoozing. 

“i’m bored” dark shadow crossed his arms, as he watched you complete your work. you smiled at him “what would you like to do then?” 

“oooo how about we play x and o’s!!” 

“sure!” 

tokoyami woke up to the buzzing sound of snickers and laughter, he turned around to see dark shadow and you, playing x and o’s, he watched the two of you have fun, unaware of the smile forming on his face, and just as he noticed. his demeanor changed, “that’s enough dark shadow, stop troubling the young lady” 

“awwww but we were having fun!!” dark shadow sulked as tokoyami scolded him. “it’s really no big deal fumikage, i don’t mind!” you grinned as dark shadow clapped his hands together 

“yayy!!” 

days went by, dark shadow grew attached to you, and so did tokoyami. you hanging out with dark shadow, meant also hanging out with tokoyami, and he became accustomed to your presence.  

tokoyami took a nap, as dark shadow doodled on the loose page you tore out of your book for him. “i think fumi has a crush on you!!” 

you giggled “wow, you really think so?”

“hundred!! he’s always smiling at you, he’s never done that before!!”

“idk bud, maybe he just warms up whenever he sees us hanging out ya’know?” 

“i’m telling you (y/n)!! he-“

“i what?” tokoyami peered at dark shadow

“whoopsie! nothing!” the cloudy purple shadow screamed. 

tokoyami facepalmed himself “i’m sorry if he said anything embarrassing, my deepest apologies (y/n)”

“it’s not biggie!” you giggled as the siren rang, indicating classes were over. 

tokoyami, exited the class faster than the speed of light, leaving you behind to eat his dust, “bye (y/n)!!” dark shadow squealed 

“fumi wait up!” you screamed as you gathered your belongings. 

after running for more than two minutes, you caught up to tokoyami outside the dorms. 

“fumi! hold on!”

“hu-“ 

you cut him off, “would you like to grab coffee with me” 

before tokoyami could answer, dark shadow did for him, “we’d love to!!” 

you let out a sigh of relief “perfect! see you in a bit then?” 

you left the two behind as tokoyami glared at dark shadow “come on! you had to make a move!” he had to thank dark shadow for that. 

weekly trips to café’s turned into daily trips after school, the subtle touch of his knuckles grazing your knee turned into soft glances of your side profile, and longing gazes from fumikage, as he stood across the room, more than an arms length away from you. 

he wanted you, but he was shy, and that’s where dark shadow would come in. 

you sat ontop of tokoyamis bed while the three of  you played cards, “and i win!!” dark shadow exclaimed “you’re such a cheater!” you exclaimed, throwing your deck on the bed. cards spilled everywhere, tokoyami rushed to pick

it up and so did you, the both of your lips inches away from each other, dark shadow noticed this too, giving tokoyami a nudge and forcing his lips to crash into yours. the peck left you hungry for more, “i-i’m sor-“ you cut tokoyami off, the kiss this time more passionate. “finally!!” dark shadow exclaimed, “you’re so dead” tokoyami grumbled. “i didn’t want things to play out this way, how about i take you out for lunch? 

“sounds perfect!” you placed a kiss on his cheek

he could get used to this. 

[paladinsbrainrot]

hello just wanted to say I think you’re really cool and I love your art!! I also LOVE romike too, super excited for their dynamic in s5

I’d love to hear your thoughts on them and if you have any predictions/theories/things you’d like to see with them next season :]

OHHHHH MY GOD thank you this is such an amazing question !!!! so sorry it took me so long to answer however i have very many Thoughts™

the idea of robin and mike being friends is soooo dear to me you don't even understand. romike has been on my mind since before s4 even came out #Tbh I just think that they are so similar and tethered and it's just so shocking that they haven't properly interacted yet!!!

obviously I think romike first came to fruition through the idea that robin would act like a gay mentor to mike and kind of guide him to realize his feelings for will, but they're so much more than this mentor/mentee relationship. not only would it be an interesting dynamic to explore as they have barely interacted, but they are literally both Anxiety As A Person and their personalities would compliment each other so well. mike's reluctance to open up to people & robin's willingness to ramble to anyone she meets? sign me up. both are bottling up their emotions in totally different ways. i would live for them awkwardly bumping into each other and mike finding her annoying at first but then realizing she is literally his carbon copy and that they are so much more alike than he first thought. (I would argue that they are literally madwheeler 2.0 sans the bitchiness.) them both bonding over the fact that they have trouble expressing their emotions and that they feel like outsiders????? them both realizing they are stuck in the same boat and using each other as an outlet to open up (+ it would be way easier for them to talk about these things because they aren't super close)????? hEllooooo duffers Are u seeing this?????? their dynamic would be so interesting if they don't write it I'm going to have to do it myself.

as for general predictions/theories..... oh boy I have Lots!!!!

I think that the writers are leaning more towards a rowill focus than a romike one this season so I don't think we will see as much as them as I would hope for. BUT this post gives me the idea that we will get a bunch of romikewill scenes on the farm with maybe a dash of one-on-one romike content sprinkled in there for the wellbeing of the people (the people being me and the other two romike fans on this app). as much as I love romike I think will and robin are the characters who Need to talk to each other the most because they're both still closeted. though as I said before I pray that the duffers will realize the potential that romike has as well 🙏

so I've basically done a whole lot of rambling and haven't even answered your question so I'm just gonna get straight to what I want for them this szn if this were my perfect world 🎉

I have this one recurring dream that mainly only exists because of a fic I wrote an extremely long time ago but basicalllyyy the essence of it was that mike and el were in this weird phase in their relationship where they were distant, awkward, and were almost uncomfortable around each other? so mike, incredibly frustrated and fed up with this, starts acting moody and withdrawn from everyone else. also bc this is s5 lets just add the fact that his sister is missing, he just got beat up by the school bullies, and maybe he and will got into the painting fight or something. so just imagine mike being almost reclusive and reserved on the farm set. maybe robin notices his lack of exuberance (that's probably not the right word but whatever) and decides to take matters into her own hands. she asks what his deal is and if he's doing all right with everything going on. mike pretends he's super annoyed by her because of all the questions she asks him but maybe she makes some offhand remark about how they're stuck on this stupid farm and it'll only get worse if he keeps acting like this. (and also, they have bigger issues to worry about!) so mike, quickly realizing that robin is literally the only person on this farm that is there for him to talk to, opens up to her a little reluctantly about everything going on with him. it's important that this is a slow process and that he doesn't dump everything on her at once. maybe he says that he doesn't know what he's doing with his and el's relationship and how will's not talking to him and that he feels he keeps screwing things up with the people he cares about the most. insert moment of robin being robin and clearing up the air, relieving the tension off mike's shoulders, and also giving him some very valuable advice!! obviously there's much more here to explore upon but the general gist of it is that they become much closer after this. robin learns that she can open up to mike too, about how some "person" that she's interested in is giving her mixed signals and how she is actually very scared about the end of the world but feels like she has to deflect everything with humour. they learn they are able to confide in each other and boom romike world domination!!!

I kind of what them to be like a mix of steve & robin and mike & nancy and mike & max, if that makes sense. like steve and robin's closeness, mike and nancy's worry about each other, and mike and max's bickering and (loving) malice. Idk mike is very irritable and snarky and robin is very direct and straightforward and also very tentative so I think their dynamic would just feel natural and compliment each of their personalities!!

I also think their dynamic could be veryyy beneficial to discovering the key to destroying vecna once and for all !!! these two are arguably the smartest characters on the show and work in very like minded ways. robin figured out when blue meets yellow in the west (cough) and that music is the key to getting out of vecna's mindscapes. mike has had wayyy too many clutch moments during the show that I can't mention here otherwise this post would get too long, but you get the point. putting both of their brains together might help our characters figure out how to end this battle. this script that maya hawke posted a while back that features both of mike and robin's names makes me very hopeful that this will be a possibility in s5. (potential st5 spoilers incoming ->) my current running Theory is that mike and robin discover that the military or hnl (is it still running in s5? idk) are running experiments on kids again and use the mccorkle farm and subsequent tunnels underneath to help the kids escape. (mayhaps this is how derek ends up on the farm after being spotted with the military??? idk.)

I am trying not to get my hopes up about robin and mike being spotted at hawkins lab together (potentially with el and will too 👀) but I have a feeling that this is related to whatever was going on in the tunnels. I have No Clue about what is going down at hawkins lab but one can only hope that they are there because the gang realized they needed two of the smartest people as well as the two strongest/most powerful to figure out the situation with the gates. great minds think alike or something like that!!!

this is more leaning towards romikewill territory but Idk I would just liveeeee for a scene of robin picking up on the labyrinthine circumstance that is will & mike's relationship and teasing mike about it !!! and in return I would like a Lot of mike teasing robin about vickie. I think (key word Think) vickie is on the farm with them so I need lots of scenes of robin not so subtly flirting with vickie and vickie flirting back and giggling like a maniac and mike noticing out of the corner of his eye and smiling. i want him to go up to robin later and just whisper shout that vickie is soooo into her. something similar happening with byler and robin noticing would also be very plausible. i just think it would be so sweet for mike and robin to see themselves in their friends and the people around them to help guide them towards their self-acceptance arcs, and learn that there is some hope for them after all ☹️ the only thing I don't want to see is only one of them being used just to further the romantic advances in the other's story. like I don't want the only reason robin interacts with will and mike in s5 to be to help guide byler towards e/o or for mike to do the same thing with rovickie!! it's important that they both realize that having queer friends is just as significant, and that they both are able to confide in each other about their struggles and worries, whether it's about their relationship or not.

there was also this one leak from early 2024 (another leak warning if you haven't clicked off this post already) that stated that mike and robin had a few scenes together because mike was worried about will, and robin was worried about vickie, and bonded because of this. I think this is a much more plausible way for them to start talking to each other than that scenario I mentioned earlier lol. I really hope that vickie is related to derek or the turnbows in some capacity; it would make her such less of a random character and also give robin a reason to be worried about her (and would also tie into them helping derek escape and the fact that he's on the farm with the rest of them). romike confiding in each other about the fact that they feel like they are useless/can't save the people they love AUGHHHH give it to me now . (edit: the leak is mentioned somewhere in this post you just may have to dig for it)

this post is very long and a total incoherent ramble so I am Very sorry but unfortunately I will never be normal about romike a day in my life. @willelworld (my lovely fellow romike enthusiast!) made a very great point in this post that I would like to end off with because it just sums up what is so perfect about them:

I really hope that my favourite adhd losers will be able to bond over their social incompetencies and sexualities and suppressed emotions and so much more in st5!!!! they just have such best friend material so I hope the duffers do not waste this absolute perfect opportunity to write a queerplatonic friendship ^_^

[iboatedhere]

“The third thing that I’m better at than you. You only named two. Caffeine consumption does not count. I need the third unless you can’t think of one.”

Henry leans on the railing and looks down. “You seem to like me.”

No because this. This is DEVESTATING. I think I've probably read you set the tone about 10 times now and everytime this line is like a gut punch because Henry is basically saying he doesn't like himself and Alex is better at liking Henry than Henry is at liking himself and I just think that is so so sad. Your writing is pure genius like this is so poetic and this fic is so incredible because it can be so funny and feel good and lovely on the surface (when we take away the illness and sick/ dying patients and concentrate on the yummy firstprince dynamics) but it's also so heartbreaking and sad at times, there's a reason I keep going back to it and it is because you've just created the balance between the two so perfectly!

Sorry it took me so long to answer this but it wouldn't let me do it on mobile for some reason.

Thank you so so much for reading You Set The Tone, it's probably my favorite fic I've ever written and I love finding out what bits resonate with people.

Poor, sweet Henry. If there's one thing about me, I'm gonna find the saddest, loneliest character and attach myself to them like my life depends on it.

[trashyshrew]

big admirer of your work! you asked for drawing suggestions–would love to see your take on lawlight snuggled up together relaxing in bed or something! absolutely starved for soft content of these two

[fobnsfwdoodlesbackup]

Finding out Pete wrote the lyrics for Baby Blackout by Daisy Grenade and going insane. She was a teen girl writing about a breakup your honor. Anyways, here's Pete on the cover of his own shojo manga because he deserves it and I think he'd like it.

(more webweave-y gender truthing type shit below the cut)

[empty-blog-for-lurking]

For the expression ask challenge, uhhh Allura in C8 and hewwo??

Who taught her that?

[necrotic-nephilim]

this is an invitation to ramble about slade/batboy ships: sladick, sladejay, sladetim, sladedami, and other batfam member/villain ships, especially jayroman and ra'stim :)

AAAAAA this is so delightful oh my god thank you. adding a read more just because this one is going to get Long to cover all the ships and all my opinions. because my god do i love Slade.

firstly, the original Robin/villain ship, SlaDick. Slade Wilson, literally created to be a Teen Titans villains, with the original Robin he cannot be normal about ever. i'm so sad there's not much interest in Slade aside from making him a generic Evil Guy who canonically likes teenagers because i think to just boil down his complex with Dick to 'weird attraction' robs them of SUCH nuance. Slade *trusts* Dick, he trusts Dick enough to ask Dick to train his own daughter Rose. and initially Slade's complex over Dick isn't sexual, it's seeing Dick as a replacement for his dead son, Grant. that's messy as hell and i love them for it. i don't think there's a single villain that has the respect for Dick that Slade has. i'm always of the opinion Dick's attraction to Slade is rooted in daddy issues and Slade's attraction to Dick is rooted in dead son issues. do i think they could end up as an old married couple? yes but only in a world where Dick is completely broken and feels alone. my favorite SlaDick flavor is post-Jason's death. Dick and Bruce are arguably at their worst during that era to begin with so Dick is pretty isolated and emotionally unstable. and Slade would take such advantage of that, swooping in to offer Dick emotional stability and fucked up sex to get out pent up emotions. (i'm big a big fan of Dick fucking out his feelings tbh) and Slade is just. this sort of bad habit Dick will kick for a year or two then come crawling back to. you can directly track how well Bruce and Dick are getting along based on how many times Dick has slept with Slade recently. and that's the prize, for Slade. knowing Dick will come back to him, eventually. it's all about patience. and if something really extreme happened to Dick (like Bruce's fake death) i think they'd even date briefly. it's not entirely impossible for Dick to date someone he disagrees with morally (see: his flings with Helena) and i think Dick would keep trying to 'save' Slade, using the upper hand he has of filling in this role of Slade's dead son to try to domesticate him. would it work? who knows but if anyone is going to try over and over, it's going to be Dick. it's practically self-harm for Dick yet the only thing keeping him sane. i love them.

SladeJay is... an interesting one for me. because i like the *potential*. but they have no significant interactions pre-Flashpoint. and while usually i can forgive New-52 and Rebirth for their grievances if it has ship fodder i just... can't do that for Jason. Judd Winick's Jason is the only Jason that exists to me so even Slade and Jason's canon interactions matter little to me because it's not the version of Jason i care for. the upside of that though, is it's more of a sandbox to explore what they could be and there are no limitations. i can just run wild. which is fun bc. you're telling me Slade wouldn't be so drawn in by the idea of a dead Robin who's come back and is now the antithesis of Bruce's morality? i think at some point Slade would want to poke the bear, really see what Red Hood is made of. do i see them working long-term? no but i do think Jason would have zero qualms working with Slade if he got something out of it. and if he could fuck with Bruce or Dick by having a short, fucked up relationship with Slade? that's even better. i don't think Slade could ever truly respect Jason, at the end of the day the Dick Grayson standard is too high and Slade would sneer at the idea of a legacy who fucked it up so bad he got blown up. but, he'd see that as Bruce's failure more than Jason's. and for Jason to have someone look him in the eye and say that Bruce *failed* him? i think that'd just *do* something to Jason. and Slade has lost a son, he knows what that loss feels like, how you feel you failed as a father. would he have interest in being fatherly to Jason? no but i think he'd have fun momentarily manipulating Jason and seeing what reactions he gets out of what jeers. Jason's been calling himself a failure this whole time, so to have someone else say it is no real big deal, but to have someone else say it's Bruce's fault and voice Jason's feelings? they'd have the most fucked up sex with the most unhealthy dirty talk that's both gentle and degrading. i don't think Jason would ever let himself get too close, he's far too emotionally guarded. but for a second, i think he'd fantasize about having even *half* the amount of attention that Slade gives Dick. bc what has Jason always been, but in Dick's shadow.

SladeTim. my two blorbos. in one place. somewhere in my drafts i have a half-started longfic about SladeTim that's one half really fucked up porn and one half slowburn feelings. arguably Tim and Slade don't have many canon interactions, but it's fun to me that when they do, Slade always seems sort of startled by how well Tim fights back and Tim's willingness to fight dirty in a way even Dick doesn't. and to me, that's the crux of this ship. as far as Robins go, Tim should sort of slip under the radar for Slade. he's not the dead one turned villain, he's not the grandson of Ra's al Ghul, hell he's not even the child of a second-rate villain like Steph, he's not *the* Dick Grayson, he's just... the other one. grew up pretty rich and normal and fell for all of Bruce's wax poetic nonsense. so when Tim puts himself on the map as a hero, makes himself a worthy opponent against Slade that's interesting. even to Tim, Slade isn't a particularly remarkable villain since Slade cares to stay more on Dick's radar. so when they cross paths there's a lot of unexpected. neither of them have thought about the other too hard. so there's this interest and intrigue about it i love. i'm a big fan of the idea Tim is a massive masochist, both physically and emotionally and Slade is The Sadist Ever so. i like them falling into bed together and having the most fucked up sex. like Tim just being a Weird Little Freak so fucked up even Slade raises an eyebrow. because this isn't what you *expect* of a kid like Tim, who's had a pretty easy life before tangling with vigilantes. he should be like a fish out of water, but instead he's matching Slade's energy in ways even Dick doesn't. and of course, how smart he is, that's an asset. it takes a special kind of kid to have the audacity to poison Lady Shiva with hotel chocolates and pull it *off* no less. it earns a begrudging respect, and it's rare to get Slade to respect someone. i really like the idea of Tim seeking Slade out only for fucked up sex and somehow Slade falls for this weird little freak who's cold and clinical outside of sex and keeps him guessing.

i'll be honest i've only considered SladeDami in the context of seeing antis say 'omg Slade has been predatory toward Damian ewww' and going 'no the fuck he hasn't but if you want that so bad i'll ship it just to spite you all' but their canon interactions do fascinate me. a lot of how they interact is predicated on Slade as a father, even more so than SlaDick. like Slade will fight Damian and then be like 'hey be good to your old man fathers need their sons' and fucking dip. and then with the whole Respawn thing and Shadow War? that was extra crunchy. for a brief moment Slade had a son who was a brother to Damian and then he goes and *dies*? talk about the complex that would give him with Damian, the spitting image of Respawn. Make Slade Weird About Batkids That Remind Him of His Son 2024. Damian holds an utter contempt for Slade that is simply unmatched. so Slade not leaving that kid alone because of his weird issues, making sure that Bruce doesn't screw up with Damian the way he screwed up with Respawn is very fun. and Damian slowly building up a tolerance to Slade's annoying antics could be fun. Damian is, at his core, still just a kid who needs the approval of something father-shaped and he will Take What He Can Get. are they ever healthy or long lasting? no but i do think Damian would cling to Slade during his teen years for something incredibly fucked up and codependent until either Slade dumped him or he forced himself to get over it.

JayRoman. i will not lie love these two but i don't think i've read many Black Mask comics when he's not interacting with Jason. which is funny because my entire conception of Roman is him just getting humiliated by Jason and really what more is there to know about the man. Jason is so unserious in how he handles Roman and the best part is you can tell it's truly because he doesn't see Roman as a threat. Roman's just a pawn in the game of getting Bruce's attention and sure, Jason is aiming to kill Roman by the end of it, but he'll always have bigger fish to fry. and that's so *infuriating* for Roman. this new guy who's *clearly* a fucking teenager shows up, owns you so badly it shatters your empire, and then you only live bc he seems to have gotten bored of you. JayRoman is my particular favorite ship for the flavor of 'the sub in bed is in control of every other aspect of their relationship and their submission is a gift that can be revoked at any time' which we don't get enough. fucked up power dynamics always have the sub being the one lacking control. and whilst i enjoy when Roman is able to absolutely control and manipulate Jason through various means, i think in canon, it makes far more sense he's pathetic and begging Jason for even a *chance*. and Jason very specifically picking who he subs for based on someone who he could kill or destroy at the drop of the hat if he needed to is a very Jason thing to do. there will never be trust between these two. they will fuck nasty and Roman will be in love with Jason. but they are both carrying a gun during sex. the gun is probably involved during the sex.

Ra'sTim. my everything. Red Robin (2009) you will always be famous to me. what *don't* they have. forced proximity. enemies to lovers. forced partnership. one-sided obsession. ridiculously large age gap. deep unforgivable betrayal. i will never evacuate these two from my brain dear god. Ra's is another one of those villains who gets painted with one broad stroke of being cartoonishly evil with no exploration of his interesting nuance. making him nothing but a villain is boring. where is the Ra's who loves so deeply and fully and has to lose his loved ones over and over and will not let that happen to Tim. he wants to consume Tim in a 'cannibalism as a metaphor for love but also probably literal cannibalism' way. the amount of trust put in Ra's in order for Tim to be able to betray him as spectacularly as he did? that's glorious. Tim had full unfiltered access to Ra's' computers even when he was advised against trusting Tim so much. and then Tim wins against Ra's and willingly lets Ra's kill him. (obviously Dick saves him, but I'm of the opinion Tim was just committed to dying in that moment and he was Okay With That) 'i will betray you if it's the last thing i do' as an act of love. Tim is to Ra's what Dick is to Slade. you will never convince me Tim and Ra's didn't hatefuck at least once during RR (2009) with a questionable level of consent. i'm so serious i will never shut up about them. the way Tim talks about working with Ra's as if he's making a deal with the devil and Ra's talks about Tim like he's the precious, once in a life time thing, one of the only people worthy to produce an heir for Ra's. how's that not gay. what other ship involved one of them literally trying to have the other's baby to raise as an heir. Ra's would probably carry the baby himself if he could. memes aside they're just so. they're so it. i love when Tim is forced into a Situation where he has to work with Ra's and confronts the darker aspects of himself that Ra's wants to bring out but Tim wants to squash. it is The corruption kink. whether Ra's succeeds or not in corrupting Tim doesn't even matter because the real crux of this ship is the chase. it's the way the heart pounds when they reach out for each other and you don't know if it's for a kiss or a killing blow. it's very Hannigram to me, in that i don't even need or want them to kiss to know they're in love. love to them is not true love's kiss, it's the thoughtful place they decide to stab the other in. be the sheath to my dagger type ship. hold all this bloody violence i know you're capable of inside of you. let me cut the violence out of you ship. what more can you ask for from a ship. Ra's would tie Tim down and torture him both as foreplay and as a love language and Tim would be too fucked up and self-sacrificial to stop him. always playing the dangerous game of how far will the other let them go until someone tries to die or kill. listen i think i lost the plot here but my point is they're unwell about each other. Tim will make Ra's regret the day he met Tim Drake not just for the betrayal but because Ra's can never go back to a time Before Tim. before knowing what the chase felt like. they're so. them.

[sideprince]

I would personally love to read your 30 page dissertation on privilege, bigotry, and misplaced abuse trauma 🙏

Haha, I haven't actually written it but challenge accepted! This ask is referring to a comment on this post, for reference. It goes without saying, as will become apparent in this post, that I condemn JK Rowling's bigotry and don't support her in any way. As always, TERFs will be blocked on sight so DBI (don't bother interacting).

OK, so.

A bit about Rowling

I'm going to try my best not to do any armchair diagnosing, and to stick with existing statements Rowling has made about her abuse and stance on feminism. A lot of Rowling's current bigotry and biases - her assertion of the gender binary in ways that uphold patriarchal power structures, her (upper?) middle class privilege blinders - are compounded by her abuse trauma in ways that perpetuate abusive behavior, but were also always present to some degree and made apparent in her approach to a number of characters in Harry Potter. This came up in a post about SWM and the sexual assault that occurs, and my reading of it as having been written to illustrate that Snape was unpopular in school, instead of as a condemnation of James and Sirius as bullies. I'm not the first to point out that Rowling wrote Snape unkindly, and she also speaks of him without sympathy and with judgment in interviews. This reveals a lot more problematic aspects of her thinking than it appears to at first glance, not to mention that this approach to writing a character is something I think is counterproductive and ultimately detrimental to the text.

Rowling grew up middle class, had an unhappy adolescence, and a strained relationship with her father. She went to the University of Exeter, which is basically where upper class kids who couldn't get into Oxford or Cambridge go, and where she says she did little schoolwork and spent a year studying abroad in Paris. This implies a fairly comfortable upbringing, especially as most students who are struggling financially are unable to afford doing a study abroad year (all of this information is on her wikipedia page, btw). She got married in a vulnerable state - having moved to Portugal after her mother's death and being laid off from her job - to an abusive man named Jorge Arantes. After she eventually left him, she claimed to have been very poor, moving to Edinburgh as a single mother.

Her description of poverty, however, involved writing at a cafe every day in Edinburgh, an expensive choice in an expensive city. Anyone on the dole (welfare) in the 90s wouldn't have been able to do that, nor someone living paycheck to paycheck and counting pennies. This is the idea of poverty of someone who's used to a solidly (upper???) middle class lifestyle (I spent time in Edinburgh during college and despite having worked alongside classes I could barely afford more than a coffee and maybe a biscuit at the local cafe if I went daily). Being a single mother is hard no matter what, acknowledment to that, but the press - and I think Rowling herself - played up the narrative of the poor, struggling mother living hand to mouth to romanticize her story. Writing at cafes sounds like the idea of poverty of someone who has a lot of privilege, but is a luxury to someone living in actual poverty, especially in England in the years after Thatcher.

There's a phenomenon known as "white tears" that anyone who's studied racism in the U.S. will be familiar with, of white women exploiting their social status positing themselves as vulnerable, ill fated victims in order to gain sympathy. There's a similar phenomenon in the UK, that I think Rowling turned to her advantage with her own narrative, leaning on her victimhood as a domestic abuse survivor and exaggerating her poverty in Edinburgh in order to build a sympathetic brand for herself. This served her as the author of a children's book series, and as the HP series was released, she ensured there were press events where she read to children, and was thus constantly perceived by the public through photos of her as the quintessential matriarch to young readers, the heroic mother and survivor who is perpetually surrounded by loving children looking up at her with admiration.

This became problematic when she began to weaponize this status she had built and turn it against trans people in order to perpetuate her personal bigotry. I can't say how much of this was deliberate and calculated, and how much of it was fed by radicalization and the psychological effects of fame such as entitlement and the inability to cope with differing opinions from her own. I also can't say how much of this has been a mis-directed projection of unprocessed abuse trauma, which can often perpetuate a cycle of abuse through victims who enact it on others because it's what they've learned to expect from the world and is therefore also the primary way they know how to interact with others (or rather that abuse victims struggle to regulate their emotions in healthy and constructive ways and often end up doing so in destructive - or even self-destructive - ones). What I can say is that there's a significance in her choice to publicly pursue a personal bias in the ways she has, and that she's consistently relied on her White Tears to dig her heels in, in the face of opposing viewpoints.

How is all this reflected in the HP books? I'll do my best to keep this reasonably brief.

Misplaced abuse trauma

The most obvious indications of unprocessed abuse trauma are the myriad examples of excused and under-rug-swept abusive behaviors throughout the books. To understand these we must first understand how abuse is perceived from the victim's perspective - and this can be difficult, because abuse is notoriously (and insidiously) difficult to understand the dynamics of if you haven't experienced it firsthand. It can be difficult to understand even if you have experienced it, and a lot of the work therapists do with abuse survivors is centered around this kind of processing.

All people struggle to see someone they love in a bad light, or as doing things that only "bad people" would do, and abuse victims are no exception. Abusive behavior gets excused because the person perpetuating it is framed by the victim as being justified in their actions (often by blaming themselves) or because they're perceived as a good person so they couldn't possibly do harm. It's a common misconception that abusers are bad, evil people - most of the time they're well liked people with a lot of friends, who are also emotionally damaged and have unhealthy tendencies to exert control over others in moments of emotional dysregulation. These moments usually happen behind closed doors, because even the abuser tends to feel ashamed of themselves when they happen (and obviously that doesn't excuse or justify their behavior in any way).

Abusers still love their children/partners/etc. and also have warm, loving moments where they bond with their victims. There's just also a power dynamic in which these moments primarily happen when it suits the abuser. Victims develop a mindset in which these moments are focused on and used to try to fill the painful gaps left by the bad moments, the ones where they're hurt emotionally or physically. Our brains rely on denial and selective memory to deal with trauma, so abusive behavior gets excused, downplayed, or ignored by being unprocessed and unaddressed. Until this trauma is processed in a healthy way and the survivor learns how to identify and deal with their experiences, they'll keep repeating and projecting them. How the trauma is processed affects not only the victim, but how they're perceived - if they show signs of trauma in unsympathetic ways that make others uncomfortable and ask them to have patience and empathy, they're a "bad victim." If they bear their trauma with grace and show minimal signs of it and don't make anyone uncomfortable, they're a "good victim." (Many abusers are, in fact, good victims outwardly, and bad victims in their home lives - which, again, doesn't justify or excuse their actions, but it does give an insight into how abuse trauma manifests.)

The tendency to downplay, excuse, or ignore abusive behavior shows up again and again throught the HP books. In PoA Sirius breaks Ron's leg in his determination to get Pettigrew - who's in Ron's pocket - into the Shrieking Shack. It's actually quite a violent moment, Sirius yanking Ron with force because his leg being stuck under a branch is keeping Sirius from being able to drag him into the tunnel. But once Harry realizes Sirius is not a mass murderer and accepts him as his godfather, there's no addressing of this casual violence. Sirius doesn't apologize to Ron, and it's Lupin who puts his leg in a splint* (never mind that Ron is then tied to Lupin who hasn't taken his potion at the full moon and this endangers Ron's life directly). The point here isn't Sirius' character, but how the narrative treats his actions - and Ron.

*Even though Sirius has his wand on him too, which is never really explained? How did he get his wand back? He wouldn't have been allowed it in Azkaban, so where did it come from? But I digress. That's a question for another post.

As soon as Sirius takes on the mantle of being Harry's godfather, his carelessness, violence, and the damage he caused are forgiven - much like how abuse victims will explain away their abusers' actions and minimize them. Ron doesn't show any signs of trauma after this incident, or any wariness of Sirius, which is unrealistic and uncharacteristic, but fits in with Rowling's writing style when you consider her projected abuse trauma and the mindset she's likely to be writing from as a result. Sirius does nothing to assure Ron that he won't hurt him again in the future. In fact, all he says to him is indirectly, in a letter to Harry:

“I thought your friend Ron might like to keep this owl, as it’s my fault he no longer has a rat.”

-Prisoner of Azkaban, Ch. 22

He doesn't acknowledge the harm he inflicted, nor does he apologize for his actions. Instead he gifts Ron an owl he found (which, off topic, is objectively funny - Sirius found an owl and just said "keep it I guess"). He clarifies this owl is meant to replace his pet who turned out to be a murderous traitor in disguise, but makes no mention of wanting to earn back trust. Again, this isn't about Sirius as a character, who's deliberately written with these flaws. My point is to highlight the ways that other characters react to him and how those behaviors seem to echo the reactions of an abuse victim to abusive situations, and the blinders they require for survival. Kind of like how we never see Ron confront the reality that he spent several years sharing his food, bed, and life with a 30 year old man in rat form. Egregious breaches of trust and safety are sidestepped silently, accepted, and ignored.

Again and again physical and verbal violence is addressed minimally or not at all in Harry Potter. Lupin has his turn when he argues with Harry in Deathly Hallows. Harry tells him to go home to his son instead of abandoning him, but Lupin is agitated and resistant to the idea, his behavior signifying that his trauma may be triggered.

‘I’d never have believed this,’ Harry said. ‘The man who taught me to fight Dementors - a coward.’ Lupin drew his wand so fast that Harry had barely reached for his own; there was a loud bang and he felt himself flying backwards as if punched; as he slammed into the kitchen wall and slid to the floor, he glimpsed the tail of Lupin’s cloak disappearing round the door. -Deathly Hallows, Ch. 11

Lupin never apologizes or acknowledges he was wrong to do this, and the closest he gets to it is a passive aggressive statement on the radio that he has no way of knowing was actually heard by Harry:

‘And what would you say to Harry if you knew he was listening, Romulus?’ ‘I’d tell him we’re all with him in spirit,’ said Lupin, then hesitated slightly. ‘And I’d tell him to follow his instincts, which are good and nearly always right.’

Deathly Hallows, Ch. 22

Again, the point here isn't to discuss Lupin's character, but that the author has chosen to skim over his violence and continue to write him as heroic without him having to take responsibility for his actions. We're meant to empathize with his trauma and continue to see him as a sort of parental figure, but there's no exploration or acknowledgment of how it might affect Harry that the last remaining friend of his father's, his once favorite teacher, enacted violence on him the second Harry challenged him, and how this might have triggered Harry's own abuse trauma after enduring years of violence at the Dursleys. There's merely a dramatic moment that results in assault, that is then skirted past, unaddressed, and the narratives simply moves on. It feels like the literary equivalent of a fighting couple where one partner hits the other, and instead of apologizing they just go back to business as usual once they've calmed down; the argument is never resolved, just swept under the rug with all the others ones like it.

Harry, meanwhile, is an abuse victim who bears no mark of it. The Dursleys abuse him emotionally as a matter of course, starve him on numerous occasions, there are clear implications that Vernon is physically violent with him, as is Dudley, to the point where Harry is socially isolated because Dudley's gang intimidates anyone who might want to be his friend. This also prevents any outsiders from getting close enough to Harry to recognize the abuse and calling CPS on the Dursleys. They aren't taken to task by anyone, unless you count Dumbledore's passive aggressive hint to them about keeping Harry in a cupboard, or the threat from the Order that's given at the end of the OoTP:

‘We thought we’d just have a few words with you about Harry,’ said Mr Weasley, still smiling. ‘Yeah,’ growled Moody. ‘About how he’s treated when he’s at your place.’ Uncle Vernon’s moustache seemed to bristle with indignation. Possibly because the bowler hat gave him the entirely mistaken impression that he was dealing with a kindred spirit, he addressed himself to Moody. ‘I am not aware that it is any of your business what goes on in my house -‘ ‘I expect what you’re not aware of would fill several books, Dursley,’ growled Moody. ‘Anyway, that’s not the point,’ interjected Tonks, whose pink hair seemed to offend Aunt Petunia more than all the rest put together, for she closed her eyes rather than look at her. ‘The point is, if we find out you’ve been horrible to Harry -‘ ‘- And make no mistake, we’ll hear about it,’ added Lupin pleasantly. ‘Yes,’ said Mr Weasley, ‘even if you won’t let Harry use the fellytone -‘ ‘Telephone,’ whispered Hermione. ‘- Yeah, if we get any hint that Potter’s been mistreated in any way, you’ll have us to answer to,’ said Moody. Uncle Vernon swelled ominously. His sense of outrage seemed to outweigh even his fear of this bunch of oddballs. ‘Are you threatening me, sir?’ he said, so loudly that passers-by actually turned to stare. ‘Yes, I am,’ said Mad-Eye, who seemed rather pleased that Uncle Vernon had grasped this fact so quickly.’

-Order of the Phoenix, Ch. 38

Of course, this doesn't happen until Harry is almost 16 and only a year away from getting out of Privet Drive anyway. Yet Harry has no anxiety, no panic attacks, no social anxiety, and shows no triggered behavior. Even after Cedric dies he has very limited PTSD symptoms. The only time he acts out is in OoTP, and his behavior is explained away by the realization that Voldemort has been sharing his mind, and so his short fuse and "bad victim" behavior is attributed to a kind of possession, and not his own psyche. Harry is the fantasy of an abuse victim - the sympathetic orphan who bears no scars of his trauma. He's patient, bears his abuse with grace, and if anything he responds to it with cleverness and snark that endears the reader to him. He's a "good victim," but almost goes beyond that: Harry is almost a kind of projected fantasy of an abuse victim who wishes they could live their life and be themselves without the inherent trauma and its effects, even while continuing to be traumatized.

It's a recurring theme with a lot of characters that violence and emotional abuse/manipulation is excused and unresolved as a matter of course. Harry is shocked when he sees his dad and Sirius assault Snape in SWM, but he goes back to putting his father on a pedestal quickly, and without processing his feelings, while his empathy for Snape is short lived. Hagrid spends most of OoTP getting violently assaulted by Grawp but he doesn't mind it because he loves his brother, who's just big and stupid and can't help it ¯\_(ツ)_/¯. Hagrid also has a dysfunctional relationship with Harry and his friends, who he endangers on numerous occasions, and who have to take care of him when he's drunk or unable to manage his emotions and makes bad choices, despite being children. It's an imbalanced relationship in which Harry is often unsafe and required to do the emotional labor of an adult. Dumbledore exploits Harry's entire existence, as well as Snape's, but he only apologizes to one of them and even then just barely.

The list goes on an on, and the dynamic is always the same: the character perpetuating the violence is alleviated from blame or responsibility by the narrative overlooking their faults and skimming over their damaging actions. It's also worth noting that many of the characters who perpetuate abuse are parental figures to the protagonist (Sirius, Lupin, James, Dumbledore, Hagrid, the Dursleys), because it's hard not to feel like there's some degree of personal projection going on here on the author's part. The way the writing justifies and avoids addressing the dysfunction and abuse in these relationships is almost like a parallel for the battered partner/child who says it was their fault for saying or doing the wrong thing and they should know better and the abuser doesn't really mean it, they're very sensitive and can be so loving and, and, and.

SWM is interesting in that it seems to be the pinnacle of how Rowling sees Snape and characters like James and Sirius. Even in The Prince's Tale we barely see why Snape and Lily were "best friends," not just Cokeworth buddies, because as an author she viewed Snape's role as utilitarian to the story but without sympathy for him. SWM was about establishing that Snape was a loser; feeling sorry for him was incidental, and more about Harry's own character development, which ultimately doesn't even follow that thread through. James and Sirius weren't written in that scene to be exposed as abusive bullies, but to be shown as the cool kids in a British grammar school, the handsome privileged boys at the top of the social ladder.

What's fascinating about Rowling's writing of Snape is that she seems to project a lot of her own abuse trauma onto him but has continuously expressed a clear dislike of him both in her approach to writing him and in interviews. The text alludes to his difficult childhood and abusive father, which Rowling has confirmed in interviews, and through the Wizarding World website where it's stated that Snape's father "didn't hold back when it came to the whip" (and while Wizarding World and Pottermore aren't always reliable sources for canon material, they do have a vetting process so if something is stated as fact it tends to be canon, as opposed to content that's qualified by statements like "possibly" or "might be" etc. which denote them as unverified theories). Snape also displays triggered behavior in situations that evoke his trauma, such as in the Shrieking Shack in PoA and when Harry tries to hit him with a Levicorpus in HBP. All this to say, Snape is a character who is written as having survived abuse at home, assault at school, and who bears clear markers of trauma.

With all this in mind, he was written unkindly. I don't necessarily mean how he's consistently described as ugly and dark in ways that recall prejudiced gothic tropes of the demon lover, or the ways the reader is meant to see him through the biased lens of Harry, whose eyes we see the story through. Snape was written with no empathy, and as someone who is completely alone in the world. Even Dumbledore, the person whose trust he works to gain, and who he trusts, betrays and exploits him mortally. When Harry sees Snape's memories at the end of DH, there's nothing in there that shows he was ever lovable, or his vulnerability and path to radicalization, or that Lily loved him as the best friend she said he was to her. Even when he's sacrificed his life and it's revealed to the reader that he's done so, and done it in the service of love - the central theme of the HP books - he's not granted the grace of being shown as having any redeeming qualities, except that he loved Lily deeply enough to dedicate his life to protecting her son (and grew to believe in Dumbledore's cause in the process), but this love is shown only through regret after her death, not through any expression of it during their friendship.

The opposite of Harry as the "good victim," Snape is the "bad victim," the abuse survivor who is defensive, unfriendly, unkind, and reflects a socialization that absorbed all he was taught through mistreatment. Ultimately, the good vicitim is good because their trauma doesn't burden others with its visibility, and Snape is the bad victim because his trauma asks patience and understanding of others while he struggles to show kindness and grace. He runs to help when he hears a scream upstairs, he tells Dumbledore "only those I could not save," but he's outwardly unkind and at times downright hostile, which means the reader has to put in critical thought and analyze the text before being able to extend him sympathy. In short, he takes work, which makes him a bad victim. This is also why so much of the larger fandom harbors a vitriolic hatred for him and feels absolved of having to put that work in.

And while there's a lesson in there that even the surliest of people can turn out to be brave and have an immeasurable capacity for love, the narrative still shows no interest, even in his deepest relationship, in Snape as a person who his best friend had affection for beyond being her only source of information about Hogwarts, or as someone Dumbledore saw more in than a clever and gifted wizard who could serve his cause. There's no curiosity in the writing when it comes to Snape, no kindness toward him, and Rowling has shown time and again that she still judges him.

What's interesting about this is that Snape is also the character who the most trauma and abuse seems to be heaped on, despite Harry's journey, and all of these aspects of him seem to be unaddressed, and if they're ever touched it has no real impact or affect on the characters or the narrative. It's almost like Rowling projected her worst trauma onto him and then resented him for representing her experiences. I would posit that perhaps what she really dislikes about Snape is that he's a representation of her own unprocessed trauma, of the ugly parts of trauma that are messy and painful, but I feel that's getting a bit too close to armchair psychoanalyzing so I'll leave that thought there and let you come to your own conclusions.

Privilege

The structure of the world in which Harry Potter exists relies on privilege. Wizards are a privileged group, singled out by their genetic advantage which gives them the ability to make their lives easier, and which most of them feel entitled about. They live in secret to protect themselves from having to use these abilities to help muggles, and because muggles would likely exploit them - of course most wizards also look down on muggles with condescension for their lack of magic (and ultimately we're talking about a bunch of Brits, so exploiting others and condescension is baked into the culture anyway). Added to this baseline social structure that is built on wizarding privilege is the character of Harry, who doesn't just learn that he's part of this privileged group, but that he's singled out as special among them. As soon as he's brought into the magical world, he's shown his Gringotts vault which is full of gold, so he also enjoys the privilege of wealth as soon as he learns he's doubly special.

There's yet another layer, which is the class dynamics within the wizarding world, which hinge on inherited privilege, ie. the privilege that comes with being pureblood or half-blood vs. being muggleborn. As Rowling works through this aspect of world building, she's consistently focused on the variety of ways her protagonist enjoys privilege. Moreover, in a series where the world-building is often half-baked and not thought through, an incredible amount of the work she did do is focused around establishing class dynamics and approaching them with a focus on privilege. This feels inherently British in some ways, though it does also challenge class systems to some degree.

Except that the class system remains intact at the end of the series. Voldemort is defeated as a villain, but his ideas of blood status aren't. The evil Harry fights against is a specific antagonist, not his ideas, and not the class dynamics that inform the variety of privileges he himself enjoys as a pureblood wizard with generational wealth. House elves aren't liberated, and are ultimately not only content to remain slaves, but fight alongside wizards and preserve the system that oppresses them. That itself is a signifier of Rowling's unchecked privilege: that she takes a local myth - house elves - in which magical creatures help with housework in exchange for milk/some kind of payment, co-opts this myth for her story and changes the terms of these creatures to be a deeply unethical one where they're neither working voluntarily nor paid but are instead enslaved. Most importantly, she posits that most of them are happy to be enslaved - and what reeks of privilege more than the idea that slaves enjoy their situation? It's a narrative that serves the enslaver and disenfranchises the enslaved even further.

Rowling's own class privilege is also reflected in how she writes poverty. For example, the Weasleys are consistently described as poor, but they actually seem to be doing alright. They have a lot of children, so most of their annual expenses like school supplies are secondhand, but that's pretty normal in a lot of families, even middle class ones. Mrs. Weasley is a stay at home mom who could be working if she wanted to, but in Rowling's determination to write Molly as quintessentially matriarchal, she overlooked this fact, the result being that the Weasleys seem to have a tight budget but don't seem to actually be poor. They own a large home and land around it, live comfortably as a single income household, and it's even mentioned in DH that of the trio it was Ron who struggled the most with scrounging for food when on the run, because he'd spent his whole life enjoying delicious, consistent, filling meals at home, not just at school.

Harry, meanwhile, is noted as thinking that he would happily give the Weasleys all the gold in his Gringotts vault, but knows they'll never accept it - and he leaves it at that. It's not until he gives his TriWizard winnings to Fred and George at the end of GoF that he tells them to get Ron new dress robes. Before that, he doesn't use any opportunity to give the Weasleys any gifts - in fact, while we see Harry give Ron and Hermione thoughtful Christmas gifts in the later books, there's no allusion to him giving them birthday gifts like they give him, or of him giving Molly or Arthur Christmas gifts despite always receiving them, including a hand-made family jumper. Despite growing up with so little, Harry is written as feeling an understandable excitement at receiving gifts, but it doesn't occur to him to give back - or rather it doesn't occur to Rowling, as the author, that a boy who comes from having nothing, who now has a vault full of gold, would think of using it to make others happy as they've made him. Despite her writing Harry's entire character arc to hinge on his willingness to sacrifice himself, this aspect of him gets overlooked when it comes to making the best of his privilege in his interpersonal relationships by thinking of others. Unsurprising once you consider that she claimed that writing in cafes was an experience of poverty after having studied at Exeter, and how her own privilege might inform how she approaches her characters and their choices (or lack thereof).

The subject of poverty in HP is laced with unconscious bias. The Weasleys are described as poor but have all they need, own land, and have the safety net of a wealthy family to fall back on. Like with Harry's character, there is, essentially, a moralism reflected in their comfort - they're good people, therefore they are comfortable, just as Harry is a good person, therefore wealth is bestowed on him that he didn't earn. In contrast to this is Snape, who grew up in a slum in an abusive home (and while poverty doesn't guarantee abuse, it's often traumatic and trauma inhibits emotional regulation which can lead to abuse). He bears the physical signs of poverty, such as poor hygiene and poor health (yellowed teeth, pallid skin), is unlikeable, lonely, and doomed by the narrative. Snape, while being described with these markers, is judged negatively and harshly both by Harry and James in their own times, as well as by the author herself who, despite having said that he's heroic and morally grey, has also said that Snape is a "deeply horrible person."

Just as Harry's virtue is signalled through his inherited wealth, Snape's markers of poverty establish him first as a foil in PS, then as an antagonist for the rest of the series. Each time Snape acts antagonistically, he's described with the physical traits that are meant to make the reader judge him - his teeth, greasy hair/face, pallid skin - without any seeming awareness that these are markers of class and his poverty (hygiene would have been a weekly, not daily practice growing up in a Midlands slum in the 60s, not to mention limited access to dental care). It's this lack of awareness that shows Rowling's own unaddressed privilege, and reeks of the well-cared-for middle class child who ostracizes the kid on the playground who wears visibly secondhand clothes, doesn't have the cool new toy, brings a "yucky" lunch instead of buying it in the cafeteria, etc. (much like how James and Sirius ostracize Snape).

It's also unnecessary for Harry's virtue to be signalled through his inherited wealth the way it is (ie. that his being special is emphasized by his access to a vault full of gold, or that this is metaphorically a reward for being a good person in a very Cinderella story kind of way). We learn in HBP (through Dumbledore's memory of first meeting Tom Riddle) that Hogwarts has a fund for students who can't afford supplies, and as a orphan hero it would have been more compelling for Harry to rely on this fund and add "charity student" to the list of things that set him apart from his peers and challenge him. Instead, Rowling goes out of her way to justify writing Harry with middle class privilege, perhaps because she doesn't really know how to write a character living with the realities of being in a lower socioeconomic class. It can't even be argued that Harry's Gringott's vault is a plot device to enable him to go to school, because there's a system in place for students in his position that could easily have sidestepped it. Speaking of being unable to write characters living in actual poverty: this also shows that the Weasleys aren't really poor, because we see them go to Diagon Alley to buy school supplies each year, instead of relying on the Hogwarts fund. This reiterates, again, that the Weasleys aren't really poor, they're more likely lower middle class, and that their supposed poverty is more about virtue signalling, but so is their comfort despite how poor they're meant to be. This profound lack of understanding of what it means to truly be poor, and the judgment with which the only character who experiences true, abject poverty is written with, reflect the author's own privilege and lack of experience outside the sphere of the middle class.

Bigotry

What's interesting about Rowling's idea of bigotry as seen through her choices writing HP is that she shows both a profound lack of understanding of systemic racism and that she has pretty strong biases of her own that are rooted in bigotry. The class system she writes wizards as having is based in a parallel of racism, but when the stakes get raised it stays pretty two dimensional and there's no indication that Rowling did any research into the social and political histories the Death Eaters and Voldemort are meant to allude to.

If I'm honest this subject could be its own separate post, but briefly: Rowling seems to have been writing a parallel for fascism, but in the process doesn't appear to have researched it. While the fascist - Voldemort - surreptitiously sows chaos and mistrust, the propaganda machine is established by the legitimate government he eventually overthrows (which is intended to be democratic, although we don't much see it in practice - it certainly doesn't seem to be a representative democracy, in any case). Although we see conflicts between students, they're very clear cut and lack nuance: there's no confusion or moralism. Most crucially, there's no real reason to exploit or oppress the targeted minority group, other than bigotry: wizards don't have that much to gain from oppressing or killing muggles, because they're outnumbered, and the effort of it outweighs the benefits. For every fascist dictator's bigotry there's a root of exploitation, whether its seizing wealth, exploitation for labor, or both. Rowling clearly doesn't fully understand the parallel she's writing, doesn't understand politics or political systems nearly as well as someone whose story centers their importance should, and hasn't done her research.

And while it seems noble that she nevertheless wrote a protagonist fighting against bigotry, she also displays a fair bit of it herself. There are the obvious issues, like how tokenized and unresearched her minority characters are, such as Cho Chang, the Patil twins, or even Anthony Goldstein, not to mention that Nagini's backstory of an Asian woman enslaved as a pet by a British man is a whole other mess of internalized biases, and that's the more generous interpretation. Then there are the anti-semitic tropes that the Gringotts goblins are steeped in, from their hooked noises and double-crossing to their fixation on money. And, of course, there's Seamus Finnigan, the Irish kid whose penchant for explosions is hard not to read as a deliberate allusion to the IRA.

Rowling also seems to be fatphobic, with a narrow view of femininity. As with Snape, she often uses physical descriptors to denote whether or not a character is sympathetic.

“Uncle Vernon was large and neckless, with an enormous black moustache; Aunt Petunia was horse-faced and bony; Dudley was blond, pink and porky.”

-Chamber of Secrets, Ch. 1

Vernon and Dudley Dursley, both males, are described as fat, almost comically. A couple of books later, Dudley will be described as having:

“finally achieved what he’d been threatening to do since the age of three, and become wider than he was tall.”

-Goblet of Fire, Ch. 3

This is physically impossible, of course, but Dudley is described as having three main traits: being fat, being a bully, and being stupid, the first always preceding any of the latter descriptors.

Aunt Petunia, on the other hand, is described as very skinny - she's an antagonist (or an aunt-agonist, if you will), and so her "bony" frame and "horse-face" indicates that she is not feminine, a signal that she's antagonistic and not maternal. Conversely, Vernon's sister Marge, a woman who is so un-maternal as to not even have children, is described as masculine:

“She was very like Uncle Vernon; large, beefy and purple-faced, she even had a moustache, though not as bushy as his.”

-Prisoner of Azkaban, Ch. 2

Malfoy's cronies Crabbe and Goyle are similarly described as big and stupid, and it's worth noting that there's a consistency in Rowling's fatphobia being primarily directed at overweight men, specifically because it reveals a lot about her attachment to gender norms that Aunt Marge is the only woman described as large (did Rowling get inspired by Pee-Wee's Big Adventure? Unclear). She's also unmarried and childless, ie. hasn't fulfilled society's expectations of a woman, breeds dogs in the country, and is the only woman described as having explicitly masculine features including a moustache and looking strikingly similar to her brother. The more matriarchal a woman is in Harry Potter, the more kindly the narrative looks on her, and the less so she is, the more antagonistic she is.

Because the women in Harry Potter are either virtuous mothers or wicked stepmothers - or rather just wicked, with their childlessness standing in for the trope of stepmotherhood because these books are set in modern times, after all. Aunt Petunia, Aunt Marge, Bellatrix Lestrange, Rita Skeeter, and Dolores Umbridge are all either antagonists or outright villainous characters, none of whom are maternal and only one of whom has a child at all - and there's special emphasis put on Petunia's failure as a parent when Dumbledore points it out overtly. In contrast, Molly Weasley and Tonks are sympathetic women who are mothers - or rather, Molly is profoundly maternal and Tonks becomes a mother towards the end of the series and dies heroically. Kind of like the angelic mother figure on a pedestal that is Harry's own self-sacrificing mother, Lily. Even Narcissa Malfoy is redeemed because despite being an antagonist, she's first and foremost a mother concerned for her son's safety (she's also the only person we see in Voldemort's circle who isn't branded with the Dark Mark, and the lack thereof is a sort of virtue signal unto itself). There's a clear bias against women who aren't mothers/are bad mothers, and in favor of women who are mothers and exhibit maternal behavior.

In Harry's generation we see a similar bias in that there are girls who are sympathetic and others who aren't. Hermione and Ginny are sympathetic, in a very "not like other girls" kind of way. They're not emotional, most of their friends are boys, and they eschew femininity except for rare occasions like the Yule Ball. It's mentioned especially that when Harry breaks up with Ginny, she's unsentimental enough not to cry because she grew up with older brothers, and that this is a positive trait. Conversely, characters like Lavender Brown and Parvati Patil are silly and flighty, unconcerned with anything except Divination and boys, with Lavender fawning over Ron in overly feminine ways that become a caricature of a misogynistic depiction of a teenage girl. When she does eventually die heroically in the Battle of Hogwarts, it's mentioned only in passing. Fleur Delacour is vain and haughty, comes in last in the TriWizard tournament, and is an un-virtuous flirt who goes off into the rose bushes with her Yule Ball date and makes eyes at Bill Weasley. It's only after she gets married that she becomes more sympathetic (and while yes, she earns respect before then for not loving Bill less after he's attacked by Greyback, it really isn't until after their wedding that the trio and Ginny stop judging her). She also becomes less relevant to the story, with little to contribute when the trio stay at Shell Cottage.

In short, Rowling perpetuates the sexist trope of representing women as angels or villains (and at times there's a sense that if the target demographic weren't children, she would outright make it the angels/whores trope instead, as is evidenced - among other things - by the reveal in Cursed Child that Bellatrix had an extra marital affair with Voldemort Which I still don't buy. Voldemort would never have allowed himself to engage in something that required any vulnerability from him, like sex, but I digress). What Rowling also perpetuates is a Thatcherian idea of feminism, in which female empowerment boils down to the emulation and adoption of the patriarchal power structure. It doesn't seek to overthrow the patriarchy, but instead to become it. It doesn't seek to dismantle a sexist social system, it just resents being on the side of the oppressed and wants, instead, to be the oppressor. There was an interesting post recently that broke down female representation in HP through the use of the color pink that really hit the nail on the head of how traditional femininity is looked down on by the narrative, and how female empowerment is equated with embracing traditionally masculine traits (the irony of this kind of feminism and how its entrenchment of patriarchal value systems inherently requires participants to emulate the kind of gender bending that it condemns trans people for is mind bogglingly hypocritical, frankly).

This, of course, feeds directly into Rowling's current pet bigotry: her transphobia. Because transphobia relies on and reinforces the patriarchy, by upholding traditional gender roles and punishing anyone who deviates from them. It also posits women as helpless victims of the masculine violence that men can't help but enact because it's supposedly in their nature. Of course, all of this is gender essentialist nonsense. It also achieves the goal of Thatcherist feminism without acknowledging that it does so: in this ideology, women see themselves as oppressed, but simultaneously leverage their oppression - through white tears - in order to oppress others. Because while they continue to buy into patriarchal social structures, their only option is to fight to get as close to the top as possible, and to step on others to maintain their position. And that requires bigotry. Once you've accepted the gender essentialist nonsense and begun to actively entrench yourself in misogynistic perspectives that reinforce the patriarchy, you've bought into the bigotry that oppresses you, and that's a gateway to all the other kinds of bigotry you have to buy into in order to convince yourself of the validity of your actions when all common sense, logic, and basic ethics are telling you otherwise (which is also why TERFism is often a pipeline to neo-naziism and requires radicalization).

The groundwork for this was already laid in Rowling's value system even before she was radicalized as a TERF. We can see in the way SWM was written that she already lacked empathy for male victims of patriarchal violence. Snape is written as feminine-coded, and given James' characterization as a handsome jock whose main actions in the narrative are that he died to protect his wife and child and that he assaulted another student to attract the attention of the girl he likes, I think there's a reasonable reading of SWM as an enforcement of patriarchal norms and gender conformity. The point of that scene was to show the reader that James was at the top of the social hierarchy and Snape was at the bottom, specifically in a way that represents social dynamics in a British grammar school setting. Those dynamics also serve to enforce patriarchal power structures and gender norms, and the most cursory research on them will lead to countless works of literature and film that elaborate on the rampant homophobia in these institutions and their lifelong impact on queer boys and men. Whether or not Rowling was aware of what she was doing, the violent enforcement of patriarchal norms, and the doling out of punishment to anyone who doesn't live up to them, is baked into the dynamic between James and Snape in SWM.

In her own biased view of Snape (as expressed in interviews etc.) Rowling wears on her sleeve her lack of empathy for male victims of patriarchal violence, which isn't surprising when you consider that her own gender politics center not only women, but specific women - women like her. TERFism harms more than just trans women, it also demands that women who don't emulate a specific idea of femininity also take a hit for the sake of gatekeeping trans people out of society, like women who have hormonal imbalances or were born intersex or eschew gender norms in even the most basic way (ie. even the middle aged suburban mother who keeps her hair short and wears jeans and hoodies because she's tired). This kind of thinking twists itself into knots only to reinforce gender norms that serve patriarchal power structures - the same structures that are represented by James when he assaults Snape, whose very character is written to be antithetical to them. Rowling is entrenching these gender norms through her lack of empathy for Snape in both her writing, and the views of him she's expressed publicly, and that perspective directly informs her radicalization and subsequent commitment to the specific kind of bigotry she puts so much money and energy into funding.

In conclusion

Privilege, bigotry, and misplaced abuse trauma inform Rowling's writing throughout the HP books, and coupled with the radicalization she was primed for, are apparent in her current personal politics. Her bigotry is essentially a cop out, however. It's an oversimplified view that focuses on men as a whole and posits them all as inherently violent and oppressive, instead of acknowledging the existence of the anthropological concept of the patriarchy as a social system that disenfranchises anyone who doesn't conform to its standards, including men. This also allows Rowling to dig her heels in on an ideology that ultimately supports patriarchal power structures despite its insistence on being feminist. British feminism is different than American feminism in that it seeks to perpetuate the existing power structure and co-opt it in women's favor, as opposed to seeking social equality. Unsurprising in a country with an ancient class system that relies on everyone accepting their place in it.

The idea of upsetting the power structure isn't acceptable in British culture, and the only tolerated progressive idea is to change who's at the top of it. Rowling's TERFism allows her to absolve herself of sympathy for how this affects trans people, queer people, and even men. To some degree it's understandable for an abuse victim to not have the emotional spoons or simply not have the will to understand their abuser (or someone who represents their abuser in their mind). Extending that to all men indiscriminately is bigoted, judgmental, and upholds patriarchal ideas of men as inherently stronger, more powerful, and predatory (and subtly reinforces the idea of penetrative sex as an act of dominance and violence). It doesn't acknowledge the power dynamics at the core of Western society and instead focuses on vulnerable groups like trans people and anyone who doesn't conform to gender norms in ways that make public life dangerous for anyone who doesn't live up to the established norms. Rowling could choose not to engage with any of this, and in doing so she's also perpetuating cycles of abuse in ways that reflect unprocessed trauma, but do so on a massive scale instead of keeping it in the home.

Patriarchy is violent to men as well as women, but Rowling's bigotry allows her to justify ignoring this. Looking through this lens at how she approached writing the HP books, the choices she made in her approach to characters like Snape or even Harry, we can see the seeds of this mindset and how it was exploited by radicalization - ironic given that everything she wrote into Snape's character indicates he was also a vulnerable, abused youth whose vulnerability was exploited to radicalize him into a fascist cult. In many ways, Snape is the character who Rowling's own experiences are closest to (domestic abuse, radicalization, being bullied), but perhaps she's so judgmental of him because he represents the parts of herself she is still unable to confront.

[raising-harmony]

{Pelipper Mail~!}

[Inside of the gifted parcel is a set of twin set dresses along with another one set dress.

The twin set dresses shows a white top, ruffled around the wider collar along with wider sleeves. The shirt is stitched to a pleated skirt, one pale yellow and the other one pale pink, it reaches just below the knees, the fabric somewhat glittering when in sunlight. The middle of the dress where the stitches are is covered up with a fabric sash in the previously mentioned colours, the sash is tied in a bow aligning directly in the middle.

The one set dress shows a slightly longer frame than the previous dresses, reaching just above the ankles with the petticoat sewn into the inside of the dress, giving it a fluffier look and feeling. The dress is a soft white that fades slowly to a pale purple as it reaches the bottom. Alike the previous dresses; the collar is also slightly ruffled, however this one is sleeveless unlike the other two. The middle of the dress has a pale purple sash tied into a bow, resting on the left side of the dress.

There are no tags on these dresses, they were clearly homemade, or at the very least expensive judging by the soft and rich fabric. On-top of the neatly folded dresses is a letter;

"A gift for the little ones. I thought they deserved some more dresses and I did not wish for the little prince to feel left out due to his sisters getting one each, so I made him one as well. I apologise if they're a bit too big, I did eyeball the measurements so they may be slightly off, but I do hope they enjoy them nonetheless."

The letter isn't signed.]

My word. I never really expected that someone would care so much as to do this for the children... I'm not quite sure what to make of it. But the girls simply adore their new dresses, and they look wonderful. So thank you. You're very skilled with your craft.

That being said, however, I won't be giving the dress to N. While I appreciate the effort to include him, little boys have no reason to be wearing dresses. I don't want to confuse him.

[starfleetshrimps]

Star Trek ask game 2 & 11! 🖖

2) Least favorite ep?

oooooohhhuuuugghhhhh i actually really do not like 'Meridian' mostly because its sort of boring and I think it horribly mischaracterizes an already overlooked character (jadzia). like she would not leave her whole life for a lukewarm man she met less than a week ago. what the fuck are you talking about. and sisko is just fine with this? no. ew. im sure theres an episode I like less but this is what came to mine

11) song i associate with a character:

i was HOPING i would be able to answer this one! I've said it before and I'll say it again Chris Pureka's Eternal November is SOOOOOOO Garak/ASIT and I will be going over some choice lyrics here (the whole song im going over the whole song)

Dry the flowers, file the sheet-music, save me for the fire

"dry the flowers" (file the sheet-music)--Garak giving up gardening, his connection to Tolan when he was forced into exile. He also gave up his job orchestrating shit in the order.

'the fire'=the Fire (Cardassias razing) AND ALSO the war leading up to it.

I spent the day forgetting the dream that woke me up

look i can't explain this one without fully learning to animate. but if you get it you get it

The garden is empty and I still remember why I'm so reluctant to start it again

DO I HAVE TO EXPLAIN???? DO I NEED TO ADD??? THIS IS OBVIOUS I FEEL

eternal November shines through the marrow of me

okay so this is to me. garak saying that he is always cold. and also a callback to that one lie he told in the wire where hes like 'i was cold' and so i let them go' and then hes always cold on ds9 and then also on post-cacon cardassia bc its been fucked and hes lonely. also cold=lonely.

I never was a very good fighter they started me young

ONCE AGAIN. I FEEL THAT THIS SPEAKS FOR ITSELF.

You always were the very best lover that I couldn't love

(@ bashir obvs)

The years they will make you a pretty good runner, yeah I've been running around all of this time

this also seems self explanatory but like you know. hes been exiled, and hes been avoiding everything he can't deal with (i.e. feelings, for bashir and for cardassia and about tain, and mila, and palandine, and parmak. jesus is there anyone in this mans life he doesnt have angst about christ alive)

Shot in the dark, down in the shadows waiting for when, yeah just waiting for when the coast is clear...

Hes waiting for when he can go home to cardassia again. i have more feelings on these lines but if i tried to type them id go blind

You were running around so you'd never remember this fear lights a fire under you And all you leave behind are the smoke and the ashes a trail of grey and blue...

now THIS i feel is bashir talking to garak. telling him hes running around (here that means avoiding everything i mentioned before) and then. like you know. grey and blue. like garak.

Blame me dear for any disaster,

again hes talking to bashir here. this feels like when he keeps lying to julian telling him hes worse than he really is so that bashir will leave him alone/think he deserves what he's getting (most notably in the wire but he NEVER STOPS DOING THISSSS)

oh how the kerosene ran dry and we made our bed in that familiar graveyard between the sternum and the spine

This is garak sleeping in the wreckage of cardassia (Tolan's shed) and making those stone monuments that he was mostly doing for enrichment in his enclosure but them were coopted to be memorials

Oh darling I think that all of the answers went south on the backs of those grey winged birds or slipped through our finger

while we were sleepin

So stick with me here. I think this is Garak losing sight of all of his secrets, and I also think its him acccepting that he will never know all of tain's. because really, tain never told him everything--I think after the Fire hes coming to terms with the fact that he doesnt have the answers that actually fix anything. all his spying and information wont really help him at all anymore.

waiting for when, yeah just waiting for when the coast is clear...

(re:earlier)

Along the way the light is the medicine

now this has two meanings: number one garak misses the sun, warmth, light--its medicinal for him. AND. the only thing he had to look forward to (the only thing giving his life any light at all) was a one smug sanctimonious face. (the light is the medicine) (bashir is medicine) (it is a REACH and i have reached it)

along the way we search for the sun to call us down the dark corridor back into the world...

searching for the sun on cardassia; dark corridor=his exile, the war, etc,

back into the world=he is returned to cardassia, his homeworld.

as soon as I learn how to make animatics its over for you bitches

[somegrumpynerd]

You talked about what you think what Pokemon different Sanses would have, but what Pokemon do you usually have in your team? Are there a few that you default to or do you like to switch it up depending on where you are in a game?

Oooo now that's a good question :oc

I usually try to have a different team when I start a new game but I definitely have favourites, like if I can have a raichu on my team I always want one cause he's my favourite little guy, but I also just love all the regional pikachus anyway so I'm happy with pretty much any of them (<-electric type and rodent lover lol).

There are a couple that I usually kinda default to, like if I'm playing through a gen 4 game I usually end up with staraptor or luxray on my team because they're so cool, and if I get an eevee I usually want sylveon

It's been a while since I played tbh because skeletons keep happening to me lol but here's my team from scarlet c:

[ask-ttte-dragons]

to Edward, sit down the cushion and we will carry you inside the palanquin with parted curtains and poles

Edward: *Curious and maybe slightly suspicious. Is this one of Bill and Ben's tricks? Better play it safe.* Oh my. Well, I certainly appreciate for the offer. But I'm quite happy right here, thank you.

[thebookofbill]

what’s your favorite muppet?

GONZO‼️‼️ I was cast as Gonzo in a second grade play, and I made his nose out of papier-mâché. He’s been my favorite ever since. I also love that he’s the weirdest one! (I’m guessing I got the role for a reason.)

Also, please look at how he dresses