#because I expected people to be surprised by that but also they shouldn't have been
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amtrak12 · 1 year ago
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Fic comments are so funny. I can get comments like “Lucifer was such an ass here” and “you totally nailed Lucifer’s characterization!” for the same chapter. It’s fab <3
I mean, they’re both right! Lucifer was an ass and he was in character! :P But it’s hysterical all the same.
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fragglerockopinions · 5 months ago
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#This shouldn't be a surprise but seriously no one actually cares about my survival yes I've asked for help why would I get help#I'm functionally nocturnal and I keep staying up for like 48 hours and then sleeping for a day and I never know where I am#Or what day it is or if it's morning or night#Normal humans eat three meals a day and snacks right I think I maybe eat a snack every other day#I just don't feel hunger and my body hurts and cooking is so much effort I don't have#Weed used to help me be able to eat easily but now everything is just so hard and no food in house n cant go to store bc of ptsd too scary#I keep telling people when they ask that I am doing badly and need help but they as always just tell me to go to the store and buy food#Because it should be easy for a normal person!!! That would be such helpful and kind advice if I were normal#But I am not I am severely sick and traumatized and driving hurts so bad and stores give me panic attacks#Seriously if literally nobody cares about my struggling why not just be euthanized at this point?#This problem is so inconvenient to everyone and I have done all I can to convince people that I'm worth the inconvenience but :(#If I were worth talking to or visiting or helping people would have done that and I would be fine but I am not and that's okay#I genuinely don't mind being a husk at all#I'm just weirdly sad about it right now maybe because I think I feel hungry but genuinely I can't tell thanks autism#I also haven't been able to do my t shot in like three or four weeks I keep trying but I literally can't get the needle in :((#I imagine less testosterone in my system also makes me tired and lose my appetite#I'm so fucked up and nobody cares that I start my day at 8pm and am active and reply to emails and shit at 4am#Why would anyone notice that first of all but still. I would notice.#When even strangers are struggling I notice and I will do anything for anyone but it's selfish upon selfish to expect it back I understand#I keep looking for arfid and ed affirmations to help me but I can't find anything good#Genuinely . what the fuck#Just fucking need to be someone's dog feed me walk me put me in a cage teach me how to be better and treat me like I don't know shit#Because I don't I'm so stupid I can't even feed myself I'm dying please help me
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solitairedeere · 4 months ago
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i was never as optimistic about the ending of bnha as some villain stans were, but i never thought it'd end so badly it left me wondering why horikoshi ever bothered to humanize the villains or make them complex characters at all.
like-- i expected that at least 1-2 of the 3 villains who were heavily foreshadowed and outlined by the narrative as people to be saved would be, you know, actually saved. i didn't think that was a high bar. i've been let down before in fandoms where everyone was certain a character would live and then they didn't, so i tried to keep my hopes low. AND YET.
what happened to tomura was upsetting, but i wasn't that shocked after how disinterested the manga has seemed to be in him for like, the past 100 or so chapters. a bit surprised, because you'd think if anyone would succeed in the 'saving' mission it would be the MC, but whatever. dabi, well, they've spent a lot of time showing the way his quirk destroys his body even before this arc, so that also sucked but at least it didn't feel completely out of left field.
........but they're not even letting toga live???
i just-- what have we even been doing here? when zero out of the 3 characters that were marked out for saving were actually saved, you have to acknowledge that something has gone seriously fucking wrong with the storytelling. not even just from the perspective of a villain fan but from the perspective of someone who likes stories to be thematically consistent or satisfying in any way.
you can set up an expectation of these characters being saved and then subvert that and turn it into a tragedy- if done well that could even be worthwhile and interesting. but you can't turn it into a tragedy and then just... keep trucking along with the happy ending messaging and act like anything in the manga has been resolved and that the characters have somehow successfully completed their heroic origin stories.
like, maybe i shouldn't have expected this much from a shounen- at the end of the day it is still a shounen so i didn't expect to feel that it truly satisfactorily wrapped up all the themes it brought up around societal ills. but i expected it to at least resolve those things in a shounen-y way where they punch the problems and help these specific people and then you can feel good assuming that the state of things will continue to improve in the post-canon world of the manga.
instead we got... uh, none of that. the story refused to answer a single one of the larger questions it's been outlining for the past 400+ chapters. in the end, it was all flash and no substance, which again could've been fine, if it weren't for the way the story seemed to spend significant chunks of time trying to delude you into thinking it had substance.
truly makes me wonder what horikoshi thought he was doing the entire time. can it really all be blamed on burnout? the most that can be said for this ending is that it is, well, an ending. fuck dude, it is that.
and that's just... such a sad way to end a project that took up 10 years of your life.
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duskyvenus · 6 days ago
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A Letter From Your Future Self
Hello!! It's been a long time! 2024 has been very tiring for me and I haven't posted in a while, so I am back with a PAC !
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Close your eyes and take a deep breath. Open your eyes and choose the photo that you feel drawn to. 3 piles left to right. This is for entertainment purposes only, take what resonates.
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Pile One
I know that you feel bored and dissatisfied in your current situation. The people around you make you feel left out and you're in a path where you feel emotionally starved. You might be contemplating taking a big step for your future and I'm here to tell you that you definitely should. But before that I want you to make a plan and stick to it so that you can get out of this situation gracefully. Firstly, you need to work on your time management. If you do that you're half done. Next, broaden your mindset. Once you take that big leap, you will understand how much you underestimated yourself. In fact I am thankful that you understand the state of your mental wellbeing and take it seriously. Remember that you are always learning and always growing so always have a learners mindset. Learning new skills and languages will really help you in the future. Nothing is impossible if you know how to make it happen. Don't let your achievements get to your head and be honest about your finances. Please get into the habit of budgeting. If you don't budget it will cause you to worry in the future. Budgeting isn't just keeping track of your transactions but also consuming mindfully. If you have a hard time managing your finances then take help from a trusted source. And lastly develop healthy boundaries, not too open but not too closed off either. Don't worry you will figure out all of it so take your time!!
-✉️
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Pile Two
I just want to say that you are brave and capable of fighting all of your demons. You are so strong and resilient. I sometimes can't believe that I survived. It's because YOU did it all. In retrospect, the battle seems small to me but I know how hard it must be for you. You feel like you are in the trenches but you will definitely make it out, slow and steady. You may ask your angels and guides for help. Now is a great time to try engaging in spiritual practices and focusing on your health. You will be given amazing opportunities because you have amazing potential to earn wealth. So while the current situation seems like the opposite, I want you to look forward to what the future holds for you. You need to let go of what is holding you down. This is a rite of passage for you to sail to calmer waters. Trust me, the weight will be lifted because you are divinely protected. The struggle will end soon. You will gain victory over your fears and enemies. So tune out all the noise outside and listen to yourself and your calling. Grab the opportunities that the universe sends your way because that will be your path to a new life. Listen to positive affirmations and keep a journal for all your manifestations. You have the gift of manifesting your whole life. Do you understand how big that is? The law of attraction is very much real so start practicing it. Love you and take care <3
-✉️
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Pile Three
You do so much work but you are still not in control. I know how exhausting that can be. You're working yourself to the bone expecting a better outcome everyday but it all goes back to where you began. First of all I want you to take pride in your work. You have always been a hard worker so it's no surprise that you are competent. However it's important that you understand how teams work. You shouldn't be doing all the work while the other(s) laze around. I know how much this matters to you which is why you go in and give your 100% but understand that sometimes it's okay to take a step back and let others do the work. You should not let them use you and your efforts and then not give you the credit. It's time to speak up. Ask for help from people you trust. They will guide you out of this situation. Make sure that you have a backup plan in case your confrontation backfires. Always have people around you who won't back down from supporting you. You are on the right path. Remember that you haven't done anything wrong. You are simply asking for what you deserve. With the amount of talent, strength, willpower and resilience you possess, no one could be more deserving of better treatment than you. In the end you will gain power over all those who overstepped your boundaries and snatched control from you. Don't be scared of fighting this battle.
-✉️
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Thank you for reading 🌱
Here's a chakra healing audio just because :)
https://youtu.be/GnchFh0bMHU?si=gbOxoHd9RC9ziZQO
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ofstarsandvibranium · 9 days ago
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Pull the Thread
Fandom: Marvel (Mob Boss AU)
Pairing: Bucky Barnes x F!Reader
Summary: You and Bucky used to be so in love and so… ignorant of the roles you had to play, which lead to you breaking up. But that didn’t seem to keep you away from each other since you now act as Bucky’s nurse whenever he gets hurt. Based off my mini fic here.
Warnings: mentions of child death
Stitched Together | Bucky Barnes Masterlist
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When you wake the next morning, Bucky and Sam are gone. Their sleeping areas are made up and a note is left on your kitchen counter.
Thanks again.
See you around.
-B
PS. call me if you ever need anything
Beside it is a cup of coffee and a stack of bills. You count it out and chuckle in disbelief. Bucky left you two hundred dollars for helping him out.
You grab your phone and type in Bucky's number. You insert a picture of the money along with the text:
You: you didn't have to pay me.
Bucky: I wanted to. For disturbing your night and for your work.
You: It's fine, but thanks anyway.
Bucky: Hope you have a good day, sweetheart. :)
You pause. Sweetheart. You can't help the way your heart beats a little faster when you read that word. He used to call you that when you two were dating. It was never "babe" or "honey". Always "sweetheart".
You feel conflicted. You want to scold him for calling you that...but you also really miss being called that by him.
You decide to not respond back at all, since you still need to eat before you head into work.
_____________
Bucky shows up at your place again a few nights later. This time, he's alone and with a bullet graze on his side.
You frown at him as you let him into your apartment, "Is this going to be a habit of yours?"
He snorts, "You think I purposely get hurt just to come and see you?"
You shrug, "I don't know, Buck! We don't really know each other anymore, so I'm not sure what you'd do!" you snap at him. He looks at you with surprise and you sigh, "Sorry. It's been a long day and I wasn't expecting you."
"I can go. I'll-I can find someone else to help me."
"No. You're here already. Might as well get it over with." You gesture to the couch and he sits down as he waits for you to come back with your first aid kit.
Bucky starts to rethink things. It's true that he didn't purposefully get shot at so he can see you. But he definitely didn't hesitate to start heading to your place as soon as things were handled. He just misses you.
You come back with gloves on. You have Bucky take off his shirt so you can fully assess the wound. Just a bullet graze. He lays on his other side as you clean his wound.
Again, you work in silence. You're focused on getting this done quickly and efficiently so you can go to sleep.
As you dress his wound, you say, "You should get some antibiotics or pain relievers so it doesn't get infected or if the pain becomes too much. Change the dressing often. Make sure there's minimal movement."
He nods, "Alright. I can do that."
You help him sit up and pull his shirt back on.
Once he's dressed, Bucky looks up at you, "Maybe you and I could make an arrangement."
You look at him with a cocked brow and he stammers “Not that kind of arrangement! Business! Strict-Strictly business. You take care of me and my people when we get hurt. I pay you for your efforts and we’re out of your hair until the next time.”
"...I don't know, Bucky."
"We'll be discreet. I promise. I'll make sure everyone knows not to blab about you and to only come if it's an absolute emergency."
"I'm sure you can find an actual doctor or something to help you. Why me?"
"Because I trust you."
"Bucky, my dad is the chief of police. You shouldn't trust me."
"I know you wouldn't tell your dad. Because despite how long it's been, I still know you care about me."
You cross your arms over your chest and look at him defensively, "And how do you know that?"
He gives you a cocky grin, "Because you wouldn't have helped me that first night."
"I was doing my civic duty. I'm in the healthcare field. It's my job to help people no matter where they come from."
"Okay. Fine. All I'm saying is that you do good work and I don't want anyone else fixing me and my guys up, but you. And, of course," he pauses to pull out his money clip, picking out a few hundred dollar bills. He holds it out to you, waiting.
You weigh out your options and then take the money. You agree, because, despite what your father tells you and how Bucky treated you in the past, a part of you still loves him and will always love him.
"Alright. I'll do it. Just let me know when you're coming just so I'm not surprised every time there's a knock at my door."
"Will do," he mumbles, grunting as he stands to his feet, "Get some rest. I'm sorry you had a shitty day."
"It-It's fine. I just-" you pause and start feeling choked up. You let out a sob and you lean forward, burying your face into Bucky's shirt.
His arms immediately wrap around you in a protective, comforting hug, "I got you, sweetheart. It's okay. Let it out." His heart breaks when he hears your muffled cries.
"We lost a patient today. He had cancer. He was only eleven," you mumbled into Bucky.
His arms around you tighten, "I'm sorry, sweetheart. That's heartbreaking. But I'm sure you did everything you could to make sure his last moments were good, right?"
You slowly nod and step away from him. You wipe at your eyes, "Shit, sorry. I didn't mean to-"
"It's okay, Y/N. Cry on me whenever you like," he gives you a soft smile, "You gonna be okay?"
"Yeah. I've just been keeping that in all day. Thanks, Bucky."
"No problem. You're a great nurse, Y/N. I just know that those kids are lucky to have you take care of them. I know I am." He kisses your forehead, "'Til next time." He murmurs before heading to the door.
"Hopefully, not any time soon."
He shoots you a grin, "No promises." With a wink, he's out the door. You go over and lock it in place. You lean against it and let out a long sigh. Your heart is beating fast again.
_________________________
It's one of those nights where you dad comes over after a shift and you two have dinner. Neither of you felt like cooking, so you ordered takeout instead. You eat out of the styrofoam containers at your small dining table, pausing in-between bites to chat.
"Work's been okay?" your dad asks before shoveling food into his mouth.
You swallow your food, washing it down with water, "Yeah. We lost a patient earlier this week and I-I can't seem to shake it."
Your dad nods in understanding, "I get it. It's never easy and it never gets easy. And you can't even do anything but continue working after it happens. You gotta push through it. In our line of work, it's important to care for others, but also important to care for yourself too. Got that, bug?"
"I know, dad. Thanks. What about you? You said earlier that work's been super stressful lately?"
Your dad gives an exhausted sigh and leans back in his chair, "Yeah. Been working closely with different units. For years there's been word that the Barnes Family has been the head of several crime operations happening around the city. They've been good about keeping their tracks covered, but since George Barnes' passing, I'm hoping to see his son slip up." Your dad gives a disappointed shake of his head, "Still can't believe you were friends and dated his son."
"He wasn't a bad kid, dad."
"Yeah, up until he started being a prick to you. Good thing you broke things off with him when you did."
You slowly nod, "Yeah. Good thing."
___________________________
You hadn't seen Bucky for two weeks, but he'd been texting you here and there during that time.
He sent you pictures of dogs he'd seen while out and about, would ask about your dad, even ordered food for you when you said you were too tired to eat. It was really sweet and kind of him, but you couldn't help but still have your reservations about Bucky.
Did your heart skip a beat every time you received a message from him? Absolutely. But were you still anticipating on the day he'd turn around on you again? Yup.
You kept things friendly, but also not too friendly. You didn't indulge in anything too personal or detailed. For all you knew, Bucky could be using you to get information about what your dad had on him. As much as you wanted to think Bucky wouldn't do that, you had to keep yourself accountable and aware.
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greenwitchfromthewoods · 3 months ago
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Friday night. l Joel Miller
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Summary:  you were friends who met on Friday night
Warnings:  +18, smut, swearing, oral sex (f receiving), fingering, sex with protection (good job!), mentioning masturbation
A/N: this has been on my mind for a few days now. it's not perfect, but i hope you like it. your feedback is very important to me and I thank you for all the reblogs, comments and likes. 🖤 sorry for all the mistakes
"So when? Tell me, tell me, tell me."
You looked at Joel sprawled on your couch, his long legs were lying on the coffee table. This Friday night was definitely not supposed to go like this.
After a hard week, you were craving some relaxation. A hot bath, lotion rubbed into your skin, takeout, and some stupid reality show on TV. 
And then he showed up.
Joel Miller showed up at your door, bringing you the food containers you had recently brought him and Sarah dinner in. He had no plans to stop by, in fact Tommy was waiting for him at a bar nearby, but he really didn't feel like going there.
So he stayed. You both ate your Chinese food, sipped cold beer, and watched a show about young and beautiful people trying to date each other. This was your Friday night.
"Y/N, I won't judge you, you know that." Joel continued, digging into the box of food with his chopsticks. "Tell me, when was the last time you had a really good date?"
"A long time ago." You replied, feeling the heat creeping up your neck and chest. "Like... Last year? I mean... I thought it was a good date, but he didn't call after that."
"Really?" Joel looked at you in surprise. "What a fucking idiot!"
"Don't say that, you were part of it." You took a sip of your beer. "I shouldn't have answered your call. You asked me to pick Sarah up from training and sit with her for a while, because you were coming home pretty late."
"Shit!" His brown eyes looked like a scolded puppy. "I'm sorry. But you didn't say anything about me fucking up your date."
You shrugged. "That was a year ago, it's not relevant anymore."
Joel's gaze lingered on you for a moment as he analyzed your words. He never thought that by calling or writing to you, he was intruding on your private life. Or that you had another private life apart from him and Sarah.
You had been friends for a few years. It started with you taking Sarah to her friend's house because he couldn't get away from work. And then everything flew like an avalanche. You always found time for his daughter, and he could always count on your help. Sometimes you brought them dinner, it saved their lives when the projects he was working on completely consumed him.
Joel, however, was not just a taker. Whenever you asked him for help, like when you bought a new dresser or when you had a flat tire in your car - he was the first one at your door.
The fact that you were friends also meant that you gave each other presents for birthdays and holidays. You were good together.
"And you?" your voice tore him away from his thoughts about your date for a moment "When was the last time you did that? Or even better!" a sly smile crept onto your face "When was the last time you slept with a lady?"
Joel cleared his throat. He should have expected that, right?
"Pffff... Ummm... That was a long time ago." he replied, pretending he didn't feel embarrassed at all "You know. I'm a single father, I work a lot..."
"So what?" you wondered "I never thought you were lacking anything. Even more! I think it's a treasure to have a guy who knows how to use a drill. It's quite sexy."
"You think so?" he smiled.
"Sure! If you found a girlfriend, I doubt she'd let me use you like that. Sexy handyman."
"Fuck! Don't make fun of me!"
"I'm not doing that!" you laughed as he threw a pillow at you "You should be at that bar than here with me. You're wasting your potential, Joel."
"I'm where I wanted to be." he replied, reaching for the bottle and taking a few sips. "And you?" you looked up from your fried rice. "When was the last time you slept with someone?"
He immediately noticed that you were embarrassed. It even gave him a little satisfaction.
"I'm sure you've noticed that my love life is a disaster." you replied, trying to smile and seem relaxed. "The only thing that seems to live inside me is my vibrator."
You burst out laughing when those words left your mouth, and Joel chuckled himself.
"Fuck, that's pathetic!" you covered your face with your hands. "What's wrong with us, Joel? We should be fucking some super hot people right now! Any place, in any position!"
"One really nice lady would be enough for me." he put the empty bottle on the table and stretched. "By the way. Last time I was here, I mean when I was fixing your bedroom closet door, I also replaced the batteries in your vibrator. The poor thing was barely breathing."
"Oh! Thank you, I guess..."
"The drawer in the nightstand was ajar." he explained seeing your embarrassment. "I hope you'll think of me when you use it. Fuck, that sounded awful."
"What made you think I'm not doing that yet?"
When his dark eyes landed on you, you tried your best not to burst out laughing. A mixture of emotions and strange thoughts was written all over his face. You were sure that in a little while you'd bite your lip trying to hold back your laughter.
"Shit! We're on some really fucking dangerous ground, babe." He mumbled, shaking his head. "I didn't know you from this side."
"Maybe if you saw me as a woman..." you started, but Joel quickly interrupted you.
"Who else am I supposed to see in you?" he snorted. "I'm afraid that soon you'll run out of things I could fix, and then you'll start taking care of... I don't know, fucking flowers... and I don't know anything about that. You bring dinner to my house, you help me with Sarah..."
"Joel, I think you're doing great with Sarah. She adores you!"
"You know what I mean..." he sighed, scratching his already disheveled hair. "She's a young girl, she needs someone like you around her. But when you finally meet a guy, he's not going to let you spend time with a single father and his teenage daughter, right?"
You put the almost empty box on the coffee table and pulled your legs up onto the couch. You understood what Joel meant. Your friendship was something that required incredibly understanding partners if you wanted it to continue. You probably didn't even think about getting involved with someone else because of this what you both had, because of Joel.
The thought of giving up seeing him, listening to his voice, talking to him or just spending time with him doing such completely ordinary and boring things - God, it was terrifying.
He must have been thinking the same thing, because he suddenly fell silent as if what he had said had taken him out of the conversation.
He hadn't planned on ever telling you what he thought about you, honestly, he was afraid it would make you run away. He couldn't give you much, and he thought that a woman like you deserved everything that was best in the world.
"You know, I don't want you to think that me spending time with you is some form of pity." you began uncertainly, trying to find the right words for what you wanted to say "I really love it. You always make me feel good and in the right place. There's not much more I can do for you."
"You're already doing way too much." Joel's hand stroked your leg in a friendly manner "I guess we both benefit from this, right?"
"I guess so." you replied, smiling "Jesus! This is so awkward!"
"Think about how I feel!" Joel put his arms behind his head and stared at the TV "You have your vibrator, and I have to do it manually!"
You started to giggle, "But you definitely don't think about me then!"
"I don't know what gave you the idea that I don't do it. Fuck, I must have fallen out of practice when it comes to flirting."
"A little." you were still laughing, "But it's sweet, you know. And I'm glad we feel comfortable enough with each other to say things like that."
Joel nodded and shifted uncomfortably on the couch. You both focused your gaze on the TV screen again for a moment, but it had been a while since you had watched this show. Every word Joel said was going through your head. You felt several emotions at once, but they were all really nice.
You thought about how good you felt with this guy who treated you really well, even though you weren't in a relationship. At least not a romantic one.
And then the question came that changed everything that evening.
"Have you ever thought that you and I..." his voice was calm, but you knew he was weighing his words before he let them out. "Have you ever thought about what it would be like if we tried?"
"Tried what?" you asked. You had an idea what he meant, but you wanted to know that you were both on the same page.
"Sleep together. I mean, sex." You nodded. "Really? Fuck! I thought there was something wrong with me."
"Why?! Joel, I've always thought you were a handsome guy. And if it makes you feel any better, I've thought about it more than once. I guess that's why you had to change those batteries."
Your laughter filled the room again. If you both felt any unpleasant pressure, then it had definitely dropped to zero. Joel opened his second bottle of beer and took a sip.
"Would you like to have sex with me?"
"Yeah, I would." you replied, completely unfazed.
"Now?"
"Sure."
You had been feeling it for a while now. Excitement was spreading slowly through your body. In your head, although you fought it, all those images of Joel that you had been trying to hide until now appeared. You imagined him in such sinful situations that you were surprised he didn't see it in your eyes.
"I guess you don't have any condoms?" you made a face and he smiled "Okay, I'll go to the store to buy some."
"But let me check something first. If you let me…”
You moved over to him before he could stand up. When your hand touched his cheek, you both smiled nervously. His stubble tickled your hand gently. He didn't lag behind, his hand found its way to your thigh, stroking it gently.
You were the one who kissed him first. It was wonderful to finally feel his lips on yours. You kissed gently, but when you parted your lips a little, Joel took the initiative and slipped his tongue into your mouth. That was it. A shiver ran down your spine. His tongue caressed you as he deepened each kiss, and his hands quickly and efficiently pulled you onto his lap.
You couldn't stop kissing him, and he returned each kiss with such enthusiasm, as if he had been waiting for it for a really long time. You slid your fingers into his hair and tugged lightly, and Joel groaned quietly. The bulge in his jeans was rubbing hard against your thigh.
"Condoms." he panted. "We need... Fuck..."
"Yeah, I know..." your lips collided again. "Go. Now."
With considerable difficulty, you got off his lap. Your heart was beating like crazy.
"Ten minutes." he said, quickly standing and unconsciously adjusting his jeans, which had become a bit tighter, you giggled. "Don't move from here."
"I won't do that."
He leaned in once more, kissing you hard, and quickly left the apartment.
He came back just as he promised. For a split second you saw uncertainty in his eyes, but when he saw you were waiting for him he immediately brightened up.
"No judging." You said, quickly taking off his shirt "I don't look like those sexy girls from tv shows."
"Shut up!" He silenced you with a kiss as his hands ripped off your shorts "You're a thousand times sexier. I'm afraid I'll come before I get inside you."
"I don't care. We have all night, Joel."
The first time you saw him naked, it was better than anything you had imagined. His strong and wide shoulders, narrow waist and soft belly. His manhood was already hard and ready.
"Jesus, have you seen yourself?" His voice tore you from your whirlwind of thoughts "You look like a million dollars."
His eyes, full of admiration, wandered over your body. You suddenly felt a little embarrassed.
"Oh, don't hide it from me." he groaned as you tried to cover your breasts. "It's you. You're fucking perfect."
His large, warm hands cupped your face as he kissed you slowly. You felt the bed behind you and soon you were lying with him on top of you. It was overwhelming, feeling his weight on you as his lips trailed down your neck, to your sternum, kissing your breasts, nibbling on them gently. You moaned as Joel's mouth captured your nipple, sucking and teasing it with his tongue. One of his hands slid between your thighs and soon you felt his fingers running over your already slick folds.
"Is this for me?" he asked, lifting his eyes and looking at you with appreciation.
Heat crept up to your neck and cheeks. His bedroom eyes made your pussy drool at the sight of him. Joel was clearly delighted by this though.
"Let me make you feel good." he purred, kissing your breast a few times, then moving lower. Fuck. You weren't ready for this. A few kisses on your thighs, the feeling of his stubble brushing against your delicate skin, and then a slow lick of your folds. You closed your eyes, feeling as if all your nerves had gone crazy.
His mouth found the bundle of nerves that made your head spin with every movement of his tongue. Two of his fingers slid inside you, stretching your walls pleasantly. It was incredible to feel him. It seemed as if Joel took incredible pleasure in exploring your body and was quickly learning what you liked. His fingers pushed back and forth as he licked and sucked, and you couldn't manage anything but moans.
"Jesus, you're so beautiful right now, baby." he whispered as your body arched as his fingers touched that spot. "I've imagined you like this so many times. Naked, thighs spread, waiting for me."
"Joel... please..."
"I know, I know, baby." he kissed your thigh tenderly "I can feel you're close. You squeeze my fingers so nicely, suck them into you."
His movements became faster and stronger. You clenched your hands on the sheets feeling like you were losing control over your body.
"Let go, Y/N. I'm here, let go."
And you did. You moaned loudly as you reached your peak, and your legs trembled. It was amazing. He was amazing.
Before you could catch your breath Joel was on top of you again, his beard glistening with your juices, but you didn't mind. You put your hand on his neck and pulled him in, kissing him hard. You felt your taste on his lips. Addictive.
"I want to be inside you." he whispered, pressing his forehead to yours "I want it so bad."
"I want it too. I want to feel you, Joel."
He stood up and reached for the foil package, which he opened with his teeth. You watched as he put on a condom and leaned over you again. His tip slid over your entrance a few times before he slid inside you.
The air escaped your lungs as he pushed his entire length into you, stretching your delicate walls. The stretch felt so good. When his cock was inside you all the way to the base, you both froze for a moment.
"Fuck..." Joel whispered, tearing his gaze away from where he disappeared inside you and looking at your face "You're so tight, baby. You wrap me around so well..."
"And you're so big, I was afraid you wouldn't fit." You giggled and soon all the stress drained from you "I don't think I'll last much longer. It's wonderful to feel you."
"Don't worry, sweetie." His lips kissed yours lightly "Like you said, we have all night. Ready?"
You nodded and Joel pushed, going even deeper. His cock would slide out of you, then return with much greater force. You pulled your legs up to give him easier access. Joel found your hands and held them above your head. It gave him full control, and you didn't mind.
"Fuck. I don't know why we waited so long with this..." he gasped as his hips slammed into yours, the dirty sounds filling your ears. "I've been thinking about you for so long."
"Really? I thought... OOHHHH! I thought you only saw me as a friend..."
"Remember when you came to Sarah's soccer game? In those tight shorts? Fuck! I already wanted to drag you to the truck and fuck you hard."
"Jesus!" you bit your lip, Joel hitting exactly where you wanted him to, "When you were helping me with the air conditioning."
"What about that?"
"It must have been a million degrees here. I was melting, and then I saw your shirt lift up, exposing part of your lower back. Damn, I was waiting for you to go away so I could reach for that fucking vibrator."
"Fuck!" Joel hid his face in your hair, "You're going to kill me. Tell me you're close, I can't hold out much longer."
You were already on the edge, his cock pushing in exactly where you needed it. He let go of your hand, gripping your hip tightly. His movements were becoming increasingly erratic and unpredictable.
"Joel, I'm so close... so close..." you moaned.
His mouth unexpectedly captured your nipple, sucking it hard. That was it. A strong shiver ran through your body as the walls of your pussy clenched in a sweet spasm of pleasure flooding your body. Joel was right behind you. He didn't need much. When he felt you tighten around him, he was done. He came with a loud groan, burying his face in your shoulder, digging his fingers into your soft hip.
"Fuck, fuck, fuck..." he breathed out "You're amazing. Just fucking amazing."
"You're not bad either." You laughed quietly, wrapping your arms around him.
He wanted to stay in your arms, but you both knew he had to clean up. Joel lifted himself up and slid out of you, holding the end of the condom carefully, then went to throw it in the trash can in the bathroom.
"You have a really nice butt." You murmured as he laid down next to you again.
"You think so?" He laughed, "I think yours is much better, but thanks."
You lay next to each other, breathing deeply, in a sweet state of total fulfillment and relaxation. It felt nice to have him next to you, within arm's reach, in a more intimate way.
Joel must have been thinking the same thing, because soon his hand found yours in the sheets, he brought it to his lips and kissed it.
"Did you like it?" he asked, turning his head to look at you.
"Very much. I would gladly repeat it a few more times." you replied smiling widely "And you? What do you think about it?"
"Same here." he replied "But I wouldn't want it to destroy what is between us."
"Joel, I don't expect any declarations from you." you turned around and leaned on your elbow looking at him closely "We feel good together, I like you a lot, I actually have a soft spot for you for a long time. Let's just let it flow, you know. We'll see where it takes us."
"That's probably a good idea." he mumbled, his fingers brushing away strands of your hair "You're beautiful, you know..."
"Those are declarations!" you lightly patted him on the shoulder.
"No. That's a fact, actually."
You smiled, and his heart beat faster for a moment. He already knew he was lost, but he didn't want to say it. Not now, when you said 'no' to all declarations.
"Maybe you'd like to have dinner with me tomorrow?" he finally suggested "Sarah's on a school trip. She won't be back until Monday. We could have a nice time. See where it takes us..."
"Yeah, that sounds good."
"You know... I'm glad we did it."
"Me too." You leaned in, kissing him lightly on the corner of his mouth "And you know what else I'm happy about?" and seeing his questioning look you added "We still have a few condoms, and the night is still young."
"You're going to kill me, you know that?" Joel burst out laughing.
But his arms were already gathering you to him and you were lying on his chest, you liked this position and you were going to use it well.
☆☆☆
Thank you for your time.
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mysecretlittlelibrary · 4 months ago
Text
And So It Begins
Pairing: Steve Rogers x Reader
Word Count: 2.4k
Warnings: cockwarming and general conversation about sex but that's about it-
Genre: smut
Summary: Some things are not self explanatory, and Steve has decided he's going to fill in the gaps by coming to you to ask his questions about sex and some of those questions have more involved answers than you'd expect
***
The knock on your bedroom door barely pulls your attention away from the sketch you're working on in your bed, however, after a couple of minutes the persistence of it interrupts your focus enough that you finish up the line you're doing and put the drawing pad down with a sigh. You pause the show that was really just filling the silence while you worked and force yourself up to answer the door. Steve is standing on the other side of it, as stiff as ever.
"Hey Steve what's up?"
"You're a smart woman." He says.
"Thank you?" You frown unsure where he's going with this.
"I have some questions I'd like answers to and you're the only person here I trust to answer them truthfully without making me feel embarrassed about it." He explained.
"Usually when people have questions that they're embarrassed to ask, they just take them to Google. The search engine I've taught you to use several times."
"Oh I've tried Google but the answers I get from there are-" Steve trails off and clears his throat, avoiding your questioning gaze.
"Are these questions you need answered now or in the near future? Are there a lot of them? Did you make a list? What are we talking about here exactly?" You quirk an eyebrow up at him.
"I wrote a few down, but I'm sure some of the answers will lead to more questions."
"Alright, come on in. My knowledge is at your disposal." You step out of the doorway so Steve can walk into your room. He takes a seat in the armchair off to the side and flips open his notepad. You had been joking about him making a list but you shouldn't be surprised he did, this is Steve after all.
"Okay I'm not sure where to begin." He frowns at his list.
"Just start at the top babes, whatever you wrote down first." You shrug.
"Right, yes. What is- cockwarming?" He blinks at you. Your eyes widen in surprise. If you'd been drinking something you'd have spit it out.
"Jesus Christ Steve." You chuckle. He blushes when you call him handsome you'd never have guessed those words would come out of his mouth.
"Sorry, I should've warned you it was rather... vulgar." Steve frowns.
"I'm far from chaste Steve, I'm just- I can't believe you even know that word." You say.
"I read it somewhere and I didn't want to Google it because the couple of times I have Googled something like this the results were, undigestible. But you know a lot about sex so I figure-"
"Well hang I know a decent amount about sex, but that applies to a lot of things, it's not limited to sex I'm not the Kama Sutra." You cut him off.
"The what?" He asks.
"Kama Sutra- it's a book about sex and sensuality and what not."
"Oh okay." Steve takes a moment to scribble it down on a different page in his notepad. "Sorry okay so can you answer my question about the other thing or do you not know."
"Cockwarming? Yeah I know what it is." You shrug.
"Well?"
"It's pretty much exactly what it sounds like. Warming a dick. You stick it in a hole, but you're not supposed to move, you just- chill out."
"Stick it in a hole?" Steve blinks at you. Perhaps you could've done better than that but you've had to never explain sex things in a non-sexual relationship.
"Yeah. It could be your dick in a vagina, I'm sure queer couples do it also so it could be your dick in an asshole. Or a strap-on if it's about the... control of it all. Somebody's probably also tried it as an oral fixation thing but I can't imagine that would be nearly as pleasant." Your brows pull together as you consider the option.
"Oral fixation?" Steve asks.
"A desire to have something in your mouth." You say.
"What thing?"
"Anything. Varies from person to person really. Sometimes a dick, sometimes fingers, sometimes gags, the list goes on." You shrug. Steve jots down things as you talk, there's something a little endearing about his notetaking.
"This is all fascinating. But what's the point of cockwarming?"
"That is something I'm not sure how to explain to you." You shake your head.
"Why not?"
"Well because it's a thing people like, and obviously that's subjective. You may not like it but you'll only find that out if you ever try it and that's not something I can really help with."
"Why?" He asks.
"Excuse me?" You blink.
"Why can't you help with that?"
"Why would I help with that?"
"I told you I came to you because I trust your knowledge."
"Yeah but wouldn't a kinesthetic lesson like that be kind of crossing a line? Most people figure this stuff out through porn or with a partner."
"There are a lot of modern things I barely understand, this is an area I'd like to not make a fool of myself in down the line." Steve says.
"Okay. We're friends so- I'll help you out the best I can, I did already say my knowledge is at your disposal but we should probably have some rules if we're going to cross that line." You say.
"Of course. Whatever you think is best." He nods.
"I want to establish safe words. They're used like- referee cards during a sports game, kind of. I usually use a stoplight system. Green means keep going, yellow means slow down or proceed with caution, red means stop and whatever is happening would come to a complete halt. Of course we don't have to use the stoplight you can simply pick a word that works for you. Something easy to remember that won't get easily confused."
"Why wouldn't you just say stop?"
"Well- we can!  It's just that for some sexual activities saying stop may not be ideal." You say.
"What?"
"Sometimes saying stop is part of the sexual situation so you say it but you don't mean it so it's not really an effective way to indicate that you actually want something to stop. Like impact stuff, spankings and what not, sometimes you'll shout no or stop instinctively but you're not actually trying to ask them to stop, you're enjoying it. So you pick another word to mean stop. Plus there's consensual non-consent-"
"That's an oxymoron." He cuts you off.
"Yes I know but they call it that because all the risk is manufactured, predetermined, discussed and agreed upon in advance. It's all the thrill without any of the actual danger. That's a lesson for a different day. You can write it down if you want to come back to it."
"I like the stoplight. It's simple and self explanatory."
"Great, you can use it at any time to indicate how you're doing. If something is uncomfortable, say so. This isn't some sort of interrogation training, you are not obligated to endure anything and since this is about you learning don't hesitate to communicate with me if you realize something's not working or you have a question. Did all of that make sense?"
"Perfectly." He nods.
"Great. Any questions?" You ask.
"Just a general one- will we need a schedule for this?"
"For when you're allowed to come to me with sexual questions?"
"Well- since sometimes it'll involve more than a verbal explanation, should we have a plan for when it's a good time for you?"
"Nah it's fine. Our schedules aren't consistent enough for that really. Just ask whenever you have one and if it becomes a bigger thing that needs a more in depth explanation we can figure it out." You shrug.
"Well if that works for you, I'm okay with it."
"Very well, we'll start with your first question as today's lesson. Cockwarming. I've already told you what it is but you don't seem to understand why anyone would do it. It's mostly an intimacy thing. For those that do it there's something about the closeness that appeals to them."
"It just doesn't seem very comfortable. Plus wouldn't you want to move." He frowns.
"Well I don't have a dick so I don't know, you can sit there speculating or we can turn this into a hands on lesson and you can decide for yourself it you hate it." You say.
"Hands... on?"
"Yeah, we just went through all the logistics for it. Might as well put it into practice since you're so- curious about the details of this one. You don't have to of course, if you're too shy, feel free to let me know."
"I'm not too shy. I just wasn't expecting that suggestion."
"You wanna get why people do it? Try it. You can either try it now since you came to me for answers or ask your girlfriend when you eventually get one." You shrug. "Up to you of course. What would you like to do?"
"I- okay let's... try it." He says hesitantly.
"You sure?"
"Yes. I'm sure." He nods.
"Do you want me to turn around while you ready yourself?" You offer.
"Would you mind?"
"You know Steve, you'll have to get used to me seeing you naked if this is going to be our arrangement." You say turning your back to him. You do smile a little to yourself, it's a little cute that he's so nervous, and even cuter that apparently his determination outweighs that.
"Well... I guess, but you offered to-"
"I know, you're more on the reserved side and I want you to know your comfort is a priority, but I'm just saying some of your questions might be hard to answer kinesthetically if I can't look at you."
"Yeah, I suppose that makes sense. We'll get there. It might take me a while though." He says.
"That's fine Stevie, I'm just the tutor. We move at your pace." You shrug.
"Do I- this may be a silly question, but do I need to fully undress for this?"
"You can keep your top on if you'd like, but your pants and underwear have to come off."
"Okay then- I'm ready." He says. You turn around and Steve stands awkwardly and pantless in your room.
"Have a seat at the desk please." You nod your head towards your desk chair as you shimmy off your own shorts and panties. You can feel Steve's eyes on you as he moves to the seat you directed him to and you have to fight to suppress the smile pulling at your mouth. "Alright, it's pretty straightforward, I'm just going to sit in your lap."
"Wait do- we need to prepare at all for this? Are you sure you're ready?" He asks.
"Normally you'd be right but honestly I'm pretty good already. Trust me, we can skip that step this time around." You chuckle. That's as much as you're willing to tell him, whether he figures out what you mean or not is his business.
"Okay." His brow furrows a bit.
"Do you want to hold your dick for this or is it okay for me to do it?" You ask as you walk over to him.
"Oh- uh you can do it." Steve says his cheeks tinging the slightest shade of pink.
"Okay." You wrap your fingers around his dick and shuffle over his lap, hovering above him as you line him up with your entrance. He's hot and heavy in your hand as you gently rock your hips to help your body take him in. You're incredibly wet which helps but with how thick he is it takes a moment to settle fully onto his lap. He lets out a shuddering breath once you're seated. For a while you just sit silently, trying to control the reflexive clenching of your walls around his dick. You'll admit you haven't had sex in a while, and you don't really think about it often but you're really enjoying the feeling of being full right now.
"Christ." He eventually whispers.
"Are you okay?" You ask him.
"Y-you're so warm. It's like... a furnace." He grunts dropping his head to your shoulder.
"Yeah?" You hum. You almost want to laugh at the analogy.
"And you're so- wet. Are you, just always like this?" He asks breathily.
"I dunno, more often than not I guess? I've never given it much thought because usually there's a lot of foreplay involved in my sexcapades so, it's even wetter by the time I'm actually having sex." You shrug. Steve hisses and bucks into you, making you moan sharply.
"Sorry! Sorry. It just- you keep squeezing around me I can't focus." Steve groans, his hands settling on your hips. You hadn't even realized until now that he wasn't touching you.
"I'm not squeezing on purpose it just happens." You stutter.
"Really? God this is- intense." He sighs.
"Sometimes it's done after sex, if you don't want to lose the closeness of being joined this way even after, the act is over." You tell him.
"That- I can see how that would make sense." He grunts. "It does feel... nice. It's just- also really challenging. You're so- hot around me and unfortunately my anatomy reacts the same as anyone's would when in this situation. It's a true test of willpower."
"Do you want me to get up? If it's uncomfortable you don't have to- I think the point's been made. You've given it a try and-"
"No. No, I'm not- I like the feel of you around me. I'm not ready for you to move." His grip on your hips tighten slightly.
"So- you like it then?" You ask.
"Yeah- a lot actually." He nods.
"Well, now you know. Lesson successful I suppose."
"Do you- mind if we stay like this for a while?"
"Well I've got nowhere else to be at the moment." You shrug.
"Have you ever done this before?"
"Cockwarming?"
"Yeah-"
"Oh, yeah. This is far from my first rodeo."
"So you enjoy it?"
"I mean yeah, I like the closeness of it, and how full I feel. It's comforting, kinda like hugging a stuffed animal but- way different I suppose." You say.
"That's- one way to describe it."
"Sorry, I realize I'm being unecessarily genteel considering you're inside me right now." You chuckle.
"It's fine. It's, cute. But if it's about me, you don't have to be polite for my sake."
"I don't think you're ready for the kind of filth that could be coming out of my mouth in this setting Stevie." You warn.
"I'm not some blushing school boy you know." Steve scoffs.
"Maybe not, but I still think it's better to ease you into that version of me. I don't want it to take away from the point of this. We're not exploring my sexual preferences so no need to throw you into the deep end in that regard." You explain.
"I'm a pretty strong swimmer." He says and you laugh.
"You say that now." You hum.
"I feel like you have no faith in me."
"That's not it. I'm assessing. Thirty minutes ago I wouldn't have believed you'd be having an open conversation about sex with anyone in this tower, let alone me."
"You've got a lot to learn."
"So do you." You smirk, stroking his cheek. Honestly you think you could sit here talking to Steve like this for the rest of the day, as distracting as it is to have him inside you this way and not move, you're far more experienced in this than Steve, and the dull ache is easy to deal with when you're having silly conversations.
***
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angellayercake · 5 months ago
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RITE HERE RITE NOW RANT
Where were the other Papas??⁉️? It isn't right that they had a combined thirty seconds of screen time!! 😡😡 If it wasn't for them Then copua wouldn't even this opportunity would he?🚫?
ANd to make it worse🤬 it was lonG‼️So there should have been more time.to. honour papas of the past🙌 but I have already made this point. I had to go to the BATHROOM🚽two times 2️⃣ because it was so long. also who wants tolook at him that long anyway👹
why??????❓❔⁉️ does he get so many outfits! Designer outfits twenty of the same jackets in different colours??🔵🔴🟡⚫🟢 some papas just wore their robes(boring) and some papas were forced to have their shirts sewn into their jackets with very improper tailoring just because ""if you INsist on white gloves that need To be changed every day we have to cut costs elsewhere👿"* but cooia gets two robes ANS everything else???
Papa Iii is much more handsome 🧛and would look much better in the hd4k surroundsound big screen then HIM SO papa iiI deserves a film more and they should bring jim back just to show everyone this😏 and go show the people what its like to see songs sang. Properly!!! you have not been ciriced until you have been ciriced by papa 3💜💜💟 or so I have heard snyway...
YHE ONLY THING that is good is that it accurately shows what a rude SELFish self absorbed man this cOPis is(although the old man deserves no respect 👍🏻👍🏻) just tonight he ate the last cannoli without offering to aNYONE!!! ELSE‼️‼️ SO this i do think the film does right
BUT....
The door slams open and he almost drops his phone in surprise. He was sat where he had been sat all evening, collapsed into this chair in the clergy commons after his disappointing dinner, thinking. His expression soured even further now it seemed another one of his brothers was here to ruin his day.
"Are you reading reviews of the movie again, frattelino?" Secondo asks, squinting at him across the dark room. "There is steam coming from your ears."
"I am not reading them no," he smirks a little, pushing the glasses he usually pretends not to need up his nose before continuing to tap away at his phone with his pointer finger. Secondo flicks on the light switch disrupting him once again with the blinding light so he shoots him a quick glare before resuming his somewhat frantic yet stilted typing.
"I do not like that look," he accuses, pointing at him as he crosses the room. "What are you doing then?" He circles the armchair in which Terzo is slouched, leaning around to look at the screen over his shoulder.
"None of your business," he pulls the phone to his chest to hide the screen. "Why must you stick your big old nose where it is not wanted eh?"
"Let me see!" He tries to wriggle away from his brother's seeking hand, tustling each other like they used to when they were children. He almost slides free but his escape is thwarted but his stupidly large brothers hand clamping onto his shoulder and pulling away his phone with the other.
"Give that BACK!" He struggles out of the squishy chair pushing his glasses back up into his hair so he can glare uninterrupted at his brother who is now scrolling through his review, shaking his head and tutting like a stupid old chicken.
"Terzo this isn't very nice," he says it so patronisingly he has to resist stamping his foot in frustration. Why should he be nice! He never got a moment like this and if he had he knows he would have done more, done better. And shouldn't Secondo be mad too?
"I stand by what I said," he huffs crossing his arms indignantly. "Aren't you annoyed? That we barely got a mention? Just that we were dead?"
"Well I would say I got about twenty of the thirty seconds we were on screen so how can I complain?" He expects the typical reaction he usually gets when he teases his brother but when Terzo instead, visibly deflates before flopping back into his chair he realises this might be a bit deeper than he thought.
"Terzo, come now, what is really the matter?" He moves to perch on the arm of the chair, handing him back his phone. When he doesn't respond straight away he reaches over to mess with his brother's habitually pristine hair, ruffling it into a birdnest as he used to before whenever Terzo got in his head and needed a distraction.
"Ay!" He shouts batting at his hand but at least he is glaring at him again instead of pouting dejectedly.
"I am happy for Copia, I suppose," he starts hesitantly smoothing his hair back into place. "It's just, we all worked hard too, and yes we may have not been as successful but without us to lay the ground work whose to say he would be 'rite here, rite now'." He waves his hands around, air quoting the title of the film dramatically.
"You are not wrong frattelino," he pauses before continuing trying to decide how to best console him. "But that is not what this story is about. It is about truly experiencing the moment you are in now, and not letting the times of the past or the what ifs of the future ruin it." His shoulders drop with a sigh so he wraps an arm around him squeezing him firmly.
"I just never got to..." He trails off but they both know what he was about to say.
"I know," he squeezes him again. "And none of that makes what they did to you right but that is in the past. People still love us no? We still have many praising us and screaming our names no matter what Copia does. We all have a place. Ours was over there, back then but who knows what the future will bring?" He stops when he sees his brother finally perking up.
"You are right I suppose," he shoots him a sideways glance. "This time at least." He picks up his phone and repositions his glasses on his nose. "I better delete all this then" He starts to tap away at the screen but Secondo stills his hand.
"I didn't say that," He says with a smirk. "You should add one about how his wig looks terrible."
"But Copia doesn't wear a... Oh!" They are far too old for this, Secondo thinks as they giggle like children coming up with more and more ridiculous complaints about the film. But right here, right now, he doesn't care.
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lani-heart · 9 months ago
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|| series masterlist || next // previously ||
genre(s) -> angst, fluff, non-idol, hybrid au, poly au paring(s) -> kang yeosang x reader warning(s) -> mentions of abuse, words -> 1.2K
abstract -> "...I need to get used to it. feeling loved.."
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y/n's perspective
“I can do–” “Yeosang” I said again and he smiled awkwardly. “Right, sorry” he said. 
His training was so hard to overwrite. Everything anyone does for him. He tried to repay. It was hard to find a way to break this cycle of expectations for him. 
He tries to find a way to pay me back and it saddens me… he asks what he can do with his sparkling eyes and a soft smile. 
“It’s hard… I feel like San and Wooyoung do a lot and I just sit around and look at your routines. It's… hard” he said and I nodded and ruffled his hair causing him to chuckle.
“Don’t feel bad, besides they decided to do that on their own. Wooyoung cooks because he likes it, and San helps me write because he likes my room. They're not doing it for an incentive… have you thought about doing sessions yet?” I asked. It was a suggestion Kun made last week. It's been a month with him around… and he said sessions would help him realize what he was used to wasn’t what I expected of him. 
“I don't know yet… believe it or not I don’t like being around people'' he said and I nodded. Wooyoung was still the one accompanying me outside the apartment despite his excitement. San wants me to have one of them around for safety… but Wooyoung gets distracted easily. 
“You don’t have to. I just want you to be comfortable here” I said with a smile and he nodded. “Y/nnie!!!” I heard Wooyoung run towards me and hug me.
“I need groceries,” he said calmly, making me laugh. “Let me get dressed, then,” I said and he nodded. “Can I go with you?” Yeosang asos, surprising me. “If you're okay with that,” I said and he nodded. “I'll stay here with San then,” Wooyoung said as he started writing what he needed. 
I went over to the window to see how it was outside. It was gloomy and rainy… 
“You should wear something warm” I heard as I saw yeosang was still with me. “Yeah, I know… besides the grocery store is also cold, '' I  said and he chuckled. “Do… you want help?” he asked and I smiled. 
“If you’d like to go ahead~”
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I knew Yeosang knew fashion. He was a social media influencer… or the closest a hybrid could get to famous. He laid out a warm and comfortable outfit for me. 
“Maybe I should make you my stylist~” I teased as we were now in the elevator down to the grocery store. I noticed his ears twitching and his tail wagging slightly. “I would love to,” he said genuinely. It shocked me… I didn't question it, however…
As we made it outside he grabbed the umbrella to hold it over our heads. “Wooyoung gave you a big list,” he said and I chuckled. “Well we are the size of a family, and besides San and him eat a lot,” I said and he chuckled but I noticed his flushed look. “Family, huh?” he asked and I smiled. 
“Don’t you think?” I asked and he chuckled and gave me a wide smile. “I like to think so,” he said and I was happy he saw us that way. He got along well with San and Wooyoung. The two love to tease him. 
I noticed he was slightly getting wet making me grab his hand to put it in the middle. “You're gonna get wet” he whined. “But you're already getting wet, '' I said and he got closer. 
Yeosang… he was such a well-behaved hybrid. I sometimes wished he’d have a little fun and think selfishly. 
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“Do you see how many bags there are?! Wooyoung, you should be more considerate” Yeosang scolded Wooyoung. We carried a lot of bags back to the apartment. 
“Ah… sorry” he apologized and I smiled. “It's fine, you’ll make us something tasty right?” I asked and he nodded as he started putting things away. 
“Give him a break, he didn’t do it on purpose,” I said when I saw Yeosang still sulking and he nodded. “He shouldn't be making you do too much,” he argued and I smiled. “I helped him with groceries… I did it because I wanted to, " I said and he chuckled. 
“I get it… you do these things without asking to be repaid” he said and I nodded. “Besides… I like doing my part around here. I know you want to help… but Wooyoung is the cook. He’s already kicked you out of the kitchen and San does his best to clean around here even if he hates it. I want to help… I do the same thing but Yeosang... You sometimes have to let people do kind things for you” I said and I noticed his eyes turn glassy.
“I'm fine, don’t worry… it's– I need to get used to it. Feeling loved I mean” he said and I smiled while hugging him. “You’re a part of our family now. Don’t push yourself too much, okay? We accept you just the way you are. We’re not asking for anything in return” I said and he nodded. 
“I sometimes feel that I suffered everything that I went through to meet you,” he said, shocking me and he chuckled. 
“I’ll forever be grateful for you, and I owe you a lot even if you say I don’t, '' he said and he grabbed my cheeks to kiss my forehead. 
“I’ll do the sessions. It’ll help me right?” he asked and I smiled. “You don't have to–” “I want to. I want to accept everything you give me. I want to do it to get over my old life” he said and I nod. 
“Anything you ask of me, I'll do my best to fulfill it” I said and he chuckled. 
“You really are an angel” 
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Yeosang started sessions. Kun would give me reports every week on his progress and his mental status. He… wasn’t a happy hybrid. Not when she was his owner… He’s just as damaged as San, and just as scared of the future like Wooyoung. I tried my best for him… it's all I could do. 
He also thinks he hasn’t found a place in our little life. 
He’s definitely what San and Wooyoung needed. An older brother to play with… He also took the stylist thing I said seriously. He started planning my outfits… whether i'm going out, hanging out with the girls, or just staying at home. I would wake up to an outfit at the edge of my bed. 
It was… cute. 
Yeosang was now a crucial part of my routine… just like San and Wooyoung. 
Waking up to the three hybrids saying good morning in their own ways was reassuring. San would grumble good morning since he only wakes up early because Wooyoung threatened him with no breakfast if he woke up late. 
Wooyoung said good morning and gave me a hearty breakfast, while Yeosang would knock on my door to fix my hair and call me that nickname. Angel… I don’t understand why he sees me that way but I accepted it, like how I accepted him. 
I wouldn’t trade any of this for anything
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@wonuangel @danirael @angelsaway @krissroo @minkysmilk @mayonnaise-on-toast @robertsbbygirl @superbbananananana @hyukssunflower @kitty4hwa @justconniez @senpai-of-doom @kibs-and-bits @caityelise99 @ilovekinny @ateezennie23 @wooahaelemons @purplelady85 @watamotee33@chidess97 @littlelostdemonofthelight @maliamaiden @burntarm1n @spooo00oky @eastleighsblog @momo-peachy @kitstar1117 @quartzpirate @sunnyhokyu @iwishiwasrichasfuck @theginger543210 @pandolinka @ddaeing @kpopnightingale @slid3er @kekdo-520 @puppyminnnie @sparklinghwa222 @calicanbeevil @itsvxlentine @atinism @loumin908 @smally97 @rxnexxi @acetruepunk @majesticbeluga @namjooncrabs @tashizxy @itstheghostofmypast @smilefordongil @teeziny @totallynotlyntv @kyeos4ng @prodsh00ky @acescavern
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please don't be a silent reader !! reblog, comment, and like <3
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fandomfaeofveryfewf4cks · 4 months ago
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I'm seeing a lot of people saying they're excited to see Charles realize he's in love with Edwin, but...y'all... I think he knows? The whole season he seems like he knows exactly how he feels about Edwin, but was denying himself the romantic aspect of those feelings. And there are SO many reasons for why he'd be doing so.
First off, he has said he doesn't want to end up like his dad. I'd wager he doesn't want to have a serious romantic relationship with anyone because he's worried he'll end up treating them like his dad treated him and his mum. I do think he had feelings for Crystal, but maybe he didn't believe it could become something lasting. She is living after all. He very well may have figured she'd grow up and move on to someone else, but at least he'd have had a girlfriend for a little while, almost like he would've if he hadn't died.
Similarly, as well as wanting a girlfriend/ partner, he may have always thought he HAD to have a girlfriend like lots of people think they HAVE to find a significant other of the opposite sex to settle down with like they're expected to. For someone who clearly wants to be alive, it's understandable for him to be reaching for what he was taught to be the "normal" experience for normal teenage boys.
It doesn't help that his dad very well could've been homophobic, so Charles never felt like it was safe for him or the boys he might've crushed on. Not to mention, it was the 80s, so he was probably being taught boys liking boys was wrong and/or would get you killed, even if his dad wasn't the one saying it.
I feel it's also worth mentioning that he's known Edwin for 30 years. That's nearly twice as long as he had been alive. Edwin had shown Charles a kindness he'd seen little to none of before and then kept being kind to him. He was unapologetic and sometimes harsh about voicing his opinions, but also listened to Charles'. He knew what it was like to hide things about yourself like Charles did. Charles may have even clocked Edwin was gay from very early on.
I headcanon he probably more or less went from ignoring it cause it's Edwin, to feeling weird about it but not showing it, to getting curious and learning more about it, to looking up "how to be a good ally" to accepting Edwin and reassuring himself that if Edwin does come out to him, he will make sure he knows that Charles will always accept him for who he is, and that this wouldn't change how much they mean to each other nor the respect they have for each other. (Really, he seemed so ready for that confession. It wouldn't surprise me if some planning went into what he was gonna say. Just didn't expect it to happen in Hell.)
Anyway, my point is that Charles seems to have put Edwin on something of a pedestal. He sees him as kind and good, and Charles will protect him with everything he has so that he may remain so. Charles can't help but love Edwin, but he will make sure that love is from a selfless place. Partially so he won't be taking anything Edwin shouldn't have to give, but also because he may not think Edwin would want to give or take anything to or from Charles if he saw the things Charles hates so much about himself which possibly includes: all the things his dad said was wrong with him, everything he grew up being told was wrong with people like him, all the things he sees of his dad in himself, and possibly more.
AND! Edwin is an upper-class(?) white boy from 1916. Charles is a queer punk from India. He may have thought Edwin would have had some prejudices against him even subconsciously for a while when they first met, which would have also been an acceptance-of-feelings deterrent.
Ultimately, if it turns out Charles also needed over 30 years of looking at his friend like that to figure out he like likes Edwin, I'll still love it. But I'd also be surprised. Boy was blushing and giggling for Edwin since they first met even while dying of fucking hypothermia. I swear.
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laroserie · 1 year ago
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— character : yandere!omega oc
— content : x beta gender neutral reader , bullets point , yandere , unhealthy / toxic behavior , omegaverse , yandere!omega oc is a he / him pronouns && he is described as feminine , reader is 'you' and is kinda obvious
— authors note : this is more like small headcanons mixed with a bit of story. i had a shit ton of daydreams about it but urgh i hate it but i haven't posted in a while so
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⦁ you and yandere!omega have been friends since childhood ! you both lived close, went to the same primary school so it was not surprise that you both became friends. up until high school you both had a pretty regular friendship, yes you were close but not too close.
⦁ at least it's how you saw it, to him you were his precious dear friend. he used to get bullied a lot because of his 'feminine' body and face but you were always here for him, to support him, telling him 'Asper, you are so handsome, they tell you that kind of stuff because they are jealous of you !'. he started loving you from that time onwards. he kept his feelings for himself wanting to keep being friends, just being at your side was enough for him
⦁ in middle school you both learned more in depth about 'secondary gender' and ... Asper had this fantasy of you both becoming a pair, he honestly didn't care either he'd be the alpha or omega, he just wanted you to be his counterpart so you could form a bond together and be linked together for ever.
⦁ and it was during your first year of high school that you got tested to know your secondary gender. Asper was ... ecstatic to say the least when he got his result - sure, being a omega may mean facing a bit of discrimination but he was a omega ! which mean he could be your mate ! he was so sure you were an alpha, he was so ready to confess his love to you and ask you to bite and claim him, for him to be your and for you to his.
⦁ after reading his result he directly turned to you - you were seated in the seat behind him, and he showed you the paper with the result, smiling at you.
"Look ~ I told you I was either a omega or an alpha right ! Soo what are you ?" He asked you, expecting for you to answer 'alpha'
"I'm a beta, I mean it was to expect so I'm not disappointed or extremely happy" You answered, showing him
⦁ it's at this moment that his world shattered. the future we prepared for the both of you got ruined. he wasn't expecting ... this outcome - in his mind it could be impossible for you, his beloved friend, to be a beta, he didn't have anythings against them but ! you both were made for each others, you both needed to form a bond, needed to be a pair !
⦁ it changed his behaviour toward you - he was being a little bit more on edge when you were talking to others people. he know that forming a bond could be impossible and so he needed to protect you ! from everyone, mainly others betas but also alphas and omegas !
⦁ to ensure that you could not get snatched away by anyone else, he could rub his scent all over you and yours clothes and of course get your scent all over him too.
⦁ anytime an alpha could start talking to you, Asper could get in between you two and start flirting with the alpha, it disgusted him and he felt so ... dirty doing that but he didn't know how to have them give up on approaching you others than making them put all of their attention on him - he thought that he may as well use being an omega to his advantage
⦁ he also used being an omega to manipulate others into leaving you alone or talk about how you and Asper are made for each others and that your secondary genders shouldn't matter
⦁ he showed you stories about omega and beta being together to send you 'hints' - he even directly told you,
"Honestly ... I think I could prefer dating a beta more than an alpha ~ They are such big pricks that think they are sooo much better because of their secondary genders. Betas are so much softer and kind ~"
And was quite distraught when you told him that you hoped 'he could find a good beta partner then !'
⦁ on the topic of you being obvious to him 'clearly' giving you hints, Asper steal your clothes and make a nest with it, and he doesn't hid it from you, directly asking you for your t-shirt or hoodie even if you are currently wearing them.
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xxlady-lunaxx · 6 months ago
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I love you; I don't pt.2 | {SaneGiyuu}
part 1
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Theme: Fluff+Angst
Note: uhh cw death 
a little uzusane friendship 
ooh hi its been a while since i posted writing that wasn't a reblog ‼
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×××
Previously: 
Giyuu didn't look back, pressing a hand to his mouth to stop a sob that threatened to spill out. He should've expected this. There was no way in hell Sanemi would've stayed in love after years, it was a miracle he'd loved him in the first place. Of course.
×××
Sanemi visited after a couple days. He had sent no warning letter—because he couldn't write coherently yet—and simply arrived at Giyuu's door. 
Giyuu had opened it and then proceeded to lead a couple minutes of a staring contest in which they both blinked several times before regaining his composure and letting him in.
"What're you doing here, Shinazugawa?" Giyuu asked. He shifted his hair to cover his cheeks which burned red with embarrassment. Their last encounter hadn't been quite so successful and he had a hunch that that was exactly why Sanemi was here.
"Are you alright, Tomioka? I'm sorry about last time," Sanemi said, though his gaze was tracing around Giyuu's house. It hit him then that he'd never actually been inside here before. He'd only known the address but never wondered about what Giyuu might look like doing idle things.
"Sorry?" Giyuu frowned. "I should be sorry. I ran away like a child, I'm sorry."
Sanemi shook his head. "That was... reasonable."
"Well, what you said was also." 
"Right. I still shot you down, though," Sanemi said pointedly.
"Didn't I do that to you too?" Giyuu asked. It wasn't Sanemi's fault, it was his own. 
Sanemi's lips quirked in a smile. "Then we can call ourselves even, no?"
"...fine."
A moment of silence.
Giyuu watched as Sanemi took in their surroundings. 
"Do you want some tea?" he offered.
Sanemi nodded slowly. "Sure. Although something cooler would be nice. The weather's insanely hot."
Giyuu nodded back. "Okay." He walked down the hall, turning to the kitchen. "...cold tea?"
Sanemi followed him, rolling his eyes. "Whatever is fine."
"Alright." He supplied the two cups of 'cold tea,' dropping several ice cubes in them.
Sanemi took the cup he was offered, taking a sip. "So...?"
Giyuu tilted his head. "Hm?"
"Are you alright? You never answered my question," Sanemi said, leaning against the wall.
"Oh. I'm... fine." Giyuu considered the question again. "I'll be fine."
Sanemi let out a breath. "If you need anything, we can talk."
"I didn't know you were so considerate."
"...well I can be if I want to." 
Giyuu cocked his head to the side. "You want to be, now?"
Sanemi shrugged. "Isn't it my fault you ran away crying?"
"That's mine."
"Yeah, well, I haven't seen you cry in my whole life." 
Giyuu dipped his head down. "I used to be more... emotional? I don't know. I let down my guard, so it's my fault."
Sanemi put his cup down. "Let your guard down more, then. There's no demons fucking with us anymore, you don't have to be on constant watch."
"It's more like a habit now," Giyuu murmured.
"I know. So try letting go of it."
"I can try."
Sanemi smiled. His smile was gentle and so... unlike him. Giyuu's cheeks were brushed pink and he forced himself to look away.
"Good," Sanemi said. "Anyway, this tea doesn't go good cold. I'll be going now. See you later."
Giyuu nodded. "See you later."
×××
To his surprise—which, according to Sanemi, shouldn't have been a surprise—they became friends. Nothing else, as muh as Giyuu longed for it. But it was nice. Sanemi would come over sometimes, or vise versa, and they would talk. Like they were normal people on a normal day. And he loved seeing into Sanemi's character. It was a change, for the better. Sanemi was much more open with him—as Giyuu was as well—and it was interesting to see how different he was when he could be relaxed. He smiled genuinely a lot more, too. And, despite himself, Giyuu found that he couldn't let go of his love for Sanemi. He loved him; he did. He couldn't stop it. He didn't try to, anymore. Best let it fade out.
It didn't fade, however. Though it wasn't much of a burden. It just made him love spending time with Sanemi more. Receiving letters in broken Japanese asking him if he wanted to come over. It was like falling in love all over again.  He didn't mind. It was a wonderful feeling, in other perspectives. It made him happy.
Time droned on.
Four years had passed since Muzan had died. Four years, already. He didn't know what to think about how much time had passed. He was unwilling to think about it.
It was his birthday tomorrow. He prepared.
×××
He wrote letters to the Uzui's. He wrote some to the Kamado's—and shorter ones to their friends, whom he didn't know well. He wrote one to the Butterfly mansion—Aoi. To Kiriya and the other two Ubuyashiki's. To the Rengoku's, Urokodaki. He had them all stacked up neatly, tied together and placed by a crow. Kanzaburou was far too old to be carrying anything now, so he had put a different crow to the task of delivering the letters.
Then there was one.
He had hesitated before sending Sanemi a letter. He didn't know what he would say. In the end, he simply invited him over. He was sure that none of the others knew of his birthday. In the previous years, he had simply said, vaguely, that his birthday was in February. They brought him gifts in the beginning of February. They had done it this year, as well. When they asked about the timeline, though, he brushed it off. He told them that his birthday was later in February, that they needn't worry. He would tell them. And he would. Only... after.
Sanemi arrived at his house late in the afternoon of his birthday. He didn't know that Giyuu would die today—he couldn't, right? He had with him a package. He placed it on the table in front of Giyuu, sitting down across from him.
"Happy birthday," Sanemi said, leaning onto the table. "Forgot to give you something when the others did."
Giyuu tilted his head, smiling slightly at him. "Thank you." He struggled to untie the cloth and Sanemi reached over to help him.
Inside, there was a photo album. It was pretty, looking homemade and adorned with cut-out photos of Giyuu. He opened it and found pictures slipped inside it. Pictures from the past four years. With everyone. He turned the pages, a bittersweet smile curving his lips as he gazed at the photographs. He paused at one, his eyes tracing the picture. It was of him and Sanemi, eating. At that time, Tengen had taken the picture. Claiming they looked like best friends and wondering what they would've said about this in the past.
He looked up at Sanemi whose eyes were averted, embarrassed.
 "Thank you," he repeated. "I... love this."
Sanemi looked up, offering him a shy smile. "That's good. I was going to keep it blank but... you wouldn't have time to fill it. So I went to Uzui and took all the pictures he'd taken. Had them printed, et cetera." 
Giyuu nodded. "I really appreciate it, Shinazugawa. I... Yeah. Thank you. Thanks."
"You keep saying that. But, uh, you're welcome," Sanemi said, dipping his head down.
Giyuu laughed softly. "I don't know what to say. It's great."
"Then hopefully you'll enjoy it till the end."
"I will."
×××
Night came. Giyuu urged Sanemi to stay, setting up another futon for him. There weren't any other rooms and it was February; too cold to sleep on the porch or elsewhere. So the extra futon was placed in Giyuu's room.
Time came for when they would sleep. Giyuu lay, staring up at the cealing. He hadn't told anyone but lately, he'd been losing a significant amount of weight and blood. And lately, as in, in the last week. He was thankful to not have gotten another spasm of coughing in front of Sanemi, but he knew it was only bound to come. And it did. Blood had come with it, dotting his clothing red.
Sanemi must've been awake for he was at Giyuu's side in an instant. It was dark, but the red was a large contrast to the white of Giyuu's clothing and he must've seen it. "Tomioka? What happened? Are you okay?"
Giyuu answered by doubling over, the metallic taste of blood going sour on his tongue. When he looked up, he realized Sanemi had scooped him up in his arms. 
Sanemi's eyebrows were furrowed in concern and he frowned. He seemed to be thinking. Understanding.
Giyuu coughed against, moving his arm up to cover his mouth so he wouldn't get blood on Sanemi. 
"Tomioka," Sanemi said suddenly, once Giyuu's coughing has stopped.
It was close to midnight. The two had stayed up quite late talking, only getting into the beds around 11 pm.
"Tomioka, when is your birthday?" Sanemi's voice was tight. His eyes were focused solely on Giyuu's. "When is your birthday?" he repeated.
Giyuu bit his lip, wincing. It hurt to breathe. "Today."
"Today as in... as in the eighth? Or today as in... the ninth. Tomorrow?" 
"Eight...th. Eighth," Giyuu mumbled, he closed his eyes.
"...what. Tomioka—why the- Why the fuck did you not tell anyone?! What the hell is— Oh my god- I knew something was—" Sanemi was stumbling over his words, cutting himself off. "No. No, why today? I didn't- Does anyone else—?"
Giyuu shook his head slowly. "No one else knows. I think. I didn't want them too. I invited you over because..." He paused. His breathing was heavy. He was struggling to breathe in. His lungs hurt and strained as if he'd been running for hours. "Shinazugawa.... Shinazugawa, I still like you—I lo-"
He coughed, no longer trying to cover his mouth. Blood dripped from his lips, coating them a deeper red than they'd ever been. 
"Tomioka, I'll take you to Aoi's," Sanemi mumbled, rocking back on his heels. He felt weak. Giyuu was light, however. Lighter than he should be. He started to stand.
"No. No—it won't work, you know it won't work, leave-" Giyuu sucked in a shaky breath. "Leave me here. Shinazugawa. Shinazugawa—I love you, okay? I don't care that you don't like me back but I needed you to know this before I died."
Sanemi shook his head. "No. No, you're not dying now. Maybe Aoi can figure something out. I'll figure something out. You're not dying in my fucking arms, Tomioka. I won't fucking let you." His voice became desperate. 
Giyuu was vaguely skeptical. Why did Sanemi care so much? "Then put me down, Shinazugawa," he said quietly. It was taking all his strength to talk. He couldn't afford losing his last precious moments. 
"No, I won't, I won't," Sanemi insisted, clutching him tighter.
Giyuu's eyes fluttered open. He caught Sanemi's panicking gaze. "I... appreciate you being my friend, Shinazugawa. Thank you for the last years, you truly made them... wonderful." 
Sanemi blinked rapidly. "No, no, I- ...I liked being your friend too," he mumbled. He seemed to have given up. 
Ah. That was it. Giyuu nodded slowly, a small smile forming on his lips despite the pain stabbing his lungs. "I'm glad... glad you did too. I enjoyed every moment with... with you. This included."
He figured, then, that Sanemi was acting like this in his form of friendship. Sanemi cared for him—though perhaps not romantically anymore. But he cared. He had liked being his friend. That was good. Giyuu was glad.
"Thank you," Giyuu repeated. 
Sanemi was quiet, leaning his forehead down against the pale palor of Giyuu's. "You should've told me it was today," he whispered. 
"I couldn't," Giyuu mumbled. "I'm sorry."
"It's fine," Sanemi said. "I-"
He hesitated. And that was all it took.
In the small moment he paused, Giyuu's breath shortened. He was barely breathing. And then he was not. 
There was a moment in which Sanemi vaguely registered this. He didn't understand it for a moment. Only that the ragged breathing of the man in his arms had stopped filling the silent room. Then it hit him and he struggled to keep himself up, his arms tightening around Giyuu's still-warm body. The warmth would fade soon as Giyuu's blood stopped pumping through his body.
A silent sob ripped through Sanemi's throat and he realized he was crying. His shoulders shook and he bent his head down, tucking his chin against his chest. He hadn't gotten to say it. 
He didn't know how long he sat like that, almost motionless, clutching onto Giyuu's body. But then there was a hand on his shoulder. He glanced up.
Tengen was there, frowning, kneeling by his side. "I'm here, Shinazugawa," he murmured. 
Sanemi must've looked like a mess. Tears streaking down his cheeks, blood staining his clothing. Tengen said nothing of it, only sitting next to him and holding his hand. They sat together for what could've been minutes or hours. Then Tengen stood silently, looking around.
"We have to bury him," he said quietly. His voice cut through the silence of the room. He sounded tired. 
Sanemi nodded slowly. He was hesitant to move away.
"I'll... go and get some of the others. Put him on his bed when you're ready, okay?" Tengen said, gazing at him one last time before leaving.
Sanemi's eyes went back to Giyuu's face. It was slack, but a ghost of a smile still lay upon his lips. He paused then slowly bent down. Sanemi's lips pressed gently against Giyuu's cold, plush, blood-stained ones. He moved, dropping Giyuu gently onto the futon. Then he stood, willing his legs to work as he moved to the door Tengen had left from, making his way out of the room and away from the man whom he had thought he would never love again.
×××
« Word count: 2265 »
right so this took weeks to actually get ideas on how to write it, so i delete my progress and try again and finish it in one afternoon? 
i was struggling with how to word the last paragraph btw!! its supposed to imply that he fell back in love with Giyuu but the last sentence was icky 😃
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polinsated · 5 months ago
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@polin-erospsyche said these tags i wrote shouldn't be tags, and i trust her with my possible-inpending embarrassment, apparently, so, here you go:
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i adore this look so much. the way colin looks at pen here will never not be used as a defence against people saying polin are 'rushed', or 'have no chemistry', or whatever it is they're saying now. and here's my little take on it.
-> you know how they say, you don't know what you have until it's gone. in this case, colin didn't realise how much he needed pen and her letters until they were gone....
this lonely, weary traveller has been away for months. we know his family doesn't often reply to his letters. and although he jokes about it, and they do too, we can all agree that he's upset by this, yes?
so in this moment, he turns around and sees the only person who has been corresponding with him throughout his journeys. he sees the woman who not only responds to every letter he sends but also who does so with genuine interest and fondness. the person who has made him feel like he has had a friend there with him on his travels. i personally believe he was alone for most, if not, nearly all of the time he was away. though, even if he did have some companionship; penelope was his constant for that time.
she has probably been keeping him entertained with stories, making sure he knows his family is okay, and asking him about every detail of his adventures. and in my opinion, i believe she barely ever mentioned herself in these letters. she has really been there with him every step of the way via her open ears (nay eyes) and written words.
and so finally, he sees her there, and i don't think he knows what to do with himself.
does he want to just say hello? probably not - look at his face! does he want to sit down with her right away and ramble on about things he has yet to say? or maybe just tell the same stories - because he knows she will listen, and she will understand, and she will enjoy hearing about them. maybe. does he want to hug her and say thank you? possibly.
my point is that i think he doesn't know what to do. it's such a short look that he doesn't have time to decide. and he's suspended in those moments when he sees her looking back at him with a huge smile on her face. he's overwhelmed.
i may be wrong in this part, but i also think he's a little surprised. he knows pen hangs out with his family a lot, but i don't think he expected her to be there right at that very moment he walked in the door. the man is baffled, to me. and in love.. despite not knowing it yet, hehe.
and it leads me to the sudden and heartbreaking point of 3.01. when colin has finished greeting his family, he turns to look at the featherington house because he notices right away that pen is not there like last time. and now it feels wrong that she isn't.
and if you watch that moment, the exact part when he turns back to his family again, there is something in the way his hands swing loosely at his sides, like a defeated sigh from his body - if you know what i'm trying to say.
his body language, to me, just screams disheartened... dispirited, or whatever other fancy word you'd see fit to use. but it's so subtle...
and then later we find out that penelope didn't respond to any of his letters this time. and i can only imagine how confused he is. because, honestly, he probably forgot about the horrible courting comment he made, and even if he remembered, he doesn't know then that pen heard it. so in his mind he is wondering where on earth his friend is. the possibility that she could be unwell has probably also crossed his mind. he is just - desperate, most likely - at this point to find out what's going on.
the thought of him, on his travels, everyday wondering why there still hasn't been a single letter signed 'penelope' absolutely breaks my heart.
and while i was about to end this post, i just thought about colin actually writing his own letters, and how he might've changed his tone along the way... do you think they ever included such words as something like: "i eagerly await your response." / "i hope to hear from you sometime soon." / "are you well, pen?"
or even this soul destroying, lump in the throat inducing quote that my mind has just come up with: "i've begun to think that there's a possibility you have not received my recent letters. for several weeks i have not heard back. not even a single tidbit about your mama, or my bothersome siblings. i must admit, my travels have not been as such fun or as fascinating as when i have my good friend to tell them to. i hope my writing finds you soon enough, or that yours finds me."
......
anyway, i don't write metas.. or i do and i never post them because i feel stupid and rambly and i'm never sure if it makes sense, but, i'm being a little brave here, haha. (thank you, luwen)
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dotster001 · 6 months ago
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Hey! I don't know if this will be too much of a bother to ignore this if you want.
I was wondering if I could request the first years with a crush on their classmate who is also Malleus Draconia’s younger brother, similar to what you did with the second years.
I hope you have a good day 🫶
Summary: First years x masc Malleus' Brother reader
A/N: So, I've been horribly burnt out, and I looked through my drafts because hey if I finish something that's almost done I can feel a sense of accomplishment....tell me why I only had two paragraphs left of this? Why didn't I finish this before?!?! Dot's brain is truly something else 😭
Second Years
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I'd like to think you still meet at the statues of the seven. You're staring up at the Thorn Fairy, and he sees you. And damn does he think you're hot. Ace is blunt. Life's too short for him to not hit on the hot Diasomnia student.
His idea is to try and hit on you with his extensive (bullshit) knowledge on the thorn fairy, since you seem so fascinated with her. You let most of his lies go, holding back the laugh that lies in your mouth, but when he says, “The Thorn Fairy's favorite food is pineapple.” You laugh quite loudly, and say, “I didn't think that was grandmother's favorite food. I shall have to ask her.” It's only then the idiot puts together the horns, and the Diasomnia uniform, and the regal aura, and realizes he might have fucked up. Luckily for him, a green haired student comes storming over to you, shouting about not wandering off, so he doesn't have to deal with the consequences of his actions.
You joined his table at lunch, and that startled him. He expects you to say something but you never do. You just chat politely, answering questions asked of you, and posturing your own queries in return. For a moment, he forgets that you're the fae brother of a prince, and that both you and your brother could set him ablaze if you wanted to. You're just one of the boys. Until you make direct eye contact, and delicately nibble a piece of pineapple. He burst into laughter, but your poker face wins, and he can't explain the joke to the confused people at the table because he keeps laughing too hard.
You become one of his best friends, but he never gets past his initial thoughts that you're hot as hell. And the closer he gets to you, it only gets worse. You're the total package and he wants to be your pathetic mortal boyfriend, who sometimes gets to show off by dedicating his play of the game to you, while you pretend you understand the appeal of basketball. 
But he's realistic. A prince could never have a basic peasant as a boyfriend. A fae could never date a human. So he's willing to just be your friend.
“Would you be my escort at my brother's coronation?” As much as you were easier to approach than your brother, you could still be just as blunt, and not very good at social cues. So you just came up to him in the middle of the hall and asked, literally, out of nowhere. He's startled and laughs it off with something stupid, and then makes a hasty escape, but not before seeing your vicious pout.
He shouldn't be surprised when you appear in his room in a flurry of fireflies, the pout still on your face.
“You brushed me off, child of man.” At the start of the friendship, he'd be scared that you, your brother, or Sebek, would kill him. But he doesn't mind fighting back now, exploiting how you think he's fragile. “So what? I had stuff to do.” This just makes you glare at him. 
You continued to glare at him, and silence filled the room. You break the silence first. “Well?” “Well what?” “Will you be my escort to my brother's coronation?” He should say no, and he almost does. You probably just want a friend to support you at a long party, and Sebek would be busy doing knight stuff, so you came to him. That's how he rationalizes it. You want a friend, and he'd think too deeply into it the closer it got to the event. Yeah. That's it. 
Instead of saying no, he just keeps staring, and you sigh. “Was Lilia wrong? He said you felt the same way.” You just look so sad. “Feel the same about what?” “He said you were head over heels for me, too.” 
Too? Too! He's reeling, and you must see it because suddenly you look less sad. In fact, you look downright predatory as you grin. “You do feel the same, don't you? You humans are so silly.” You push him back so he's laying down, then hover over him, giving him a soft kiss. He groans and runs his hands in your hair. You pull away far too soon for him, and he whines as he grabs your horns and tries to drag you back to him. He's no match for your strength, and you effortlessly pull away from him with a laugh. You hover over him and give him an evil grin.
“Poor child of man. You look so sad. Tell you what, I'll kiss you all you want if you are my escort.”
He wants to be snarky and refuse, at least until you give him what he wants now, but he's weak. So he finds himself nodding, breathing heavily as you trace his lips with a perfectly manicured finger, and he gets very distracted by the fact that you aren't wearing your uniform gloves. 
“Good boy,” you purr, and Ace reels from the attention as you lean in to kiss him again.
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You meet because you see Deuce going for a run on his first day of school. You don't understand what's happening, and when you ask Malleus, his explanation seems…..lacking. So you decide to ask the human himself why he is running in circles. You poof next to him, scare the shit out of him, and feel only a little bit bad as he falls on his ass.
He immediately picks a fight with you. Who do ya think you are! What kinda uncultured swine picks a fight with a man while he's running? By the time Silver and Sebek find you, (Malleus used you to make his own escape, he'll apologize later) the boy is swinging, and you're laughing so hard your insides hurt.
You start joining him on his runs, not actually running, but floating alongside him, asking him questions. In your mind, if you can understand what he's running from, then you'll understand the human race. (Pun intended)
Meanwhile, Deuce still thinks you're making fun of him, but after about a month of this, he starts to realize that if it really is a bit, then you are very dedicated. So he finally starts actually answering questions, and after a month of that starts asking you his own. Which is when he realizes you are a fae prince. Cool! You should join the track team with him! Even though he's only seen you float, he's heard your brother is a beast, so you'd definitely dominate the competition. And how can you say no to that determined face?
I've said this before, but Deuce will fall in love with his best friend. And he only realizes he's fallen, when, after a meet against RSA, you come up to him ecstatic about how well he did, your eyes glinting with an innocent wonder that even you weren't sure you were capable of anymore. And, suddenly, Deuce is red and sweaty, and side stepping the “bro hug” he taught you. He's able to play it off as after effects of his run, and you still haven't quite gotten the handle on humans, so he's able to get away with it. But he knows his excuses won't work a second time. And the cat’s out of the bag. Now that Deuce recognizes his feelings, it's too late.
Ace is useless as always. So he calls the one person he can always go to.
“So there's this guy I like, but he's out of my league in every single way,” Deuce begins, but his mom quickly cuts him off. “Life is too short to not be with someone you love.” He thinks about cutting her off and mentioning that for this guy's life was far from short, but he got the idea. “You're a good boy, Deuce. You're sweet, handsome, and so protective of those you love. If he thinks you're out of his league, he doesn't deserve you. So you can move on, and find someone who does.”
He knows mama Spade is right. If you don't feel the same way, it's better to find out so that he can move on.
Life works in his favor. You've been proofing into his path to try and hang out with him, and he keeps running away. So the next time you poof in, he gives you a challenge. If you win a race against him, he'll tell you what's wrong. It's no contest. You annihilate him.
Deuce heaves a big breath, channeling delinquent Deuce’s confidence, and blurts out, “I'm in love with you!”
You stare for a moment, then smile wickedly.
“If  you can beat me in a race, child of man, I'll tell you how I feel.”
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You're his lab partner. And you don't always show up for class. But your grade is dependent on both of your work. You just give him the potions of the day in passing, and you're both still getting A’s, but it strikes Jack as a wrong that you don't always show up for class.
When he stalks you down one day, in the Diasomnia common room, and demands you go to class, you furrow your brow and tell him you already know all the first year stuff. You'll show up consistently next year. Both Sebek and Malleus are agreeing with you, when Lilia walks in and asks about your friend.
“He's not my friend. He's my lab partner.” Jack's blunt about it, but that never deterred Lilia. Now he's involved. And he loves the idea of you having a friend. Even though Jack's tone made it clear he wanted nothing to do with you. It doesn't take long for Lilia to excitedly say that you would not only have to attend class, but all of your classes were going to be switched so that you were always with Jack. Jack quickly began to recant his statements, saying it was fine, don't worry about it, but it's too late. And Jack is already tired.
Luckily, you don't talk much. You just pout as you follow Jack from class to class. He catches you dozing off in most of the classes, and when he asks you why, you same the same thing as before. You know all of this already.
One day Lilia asks for an update on your progress, and he's very scared to tell him, but he's too honest. Lilia snickers, and tells Jack that you probably already know EVERYTHING YOU COULD POSSIBLY KNOW OVER THE NEXT THREE YEARS. After all, Malleus does. Jack stares at Lilia, suddenly furious that he's been dragged into whatever game the ex general has decided to play with him. And it gets worse, because the next day you're sulking as Lilia drags you to track practice, and informs the coach that you will be joining the track club. And then he tells Jack that he will be the one to catch you up. Neither of you is happy.
But Lilia makes sure you go every single day, and waits until he sees Jack talking to you. So you come up with an idea. You and Jack will pretend to be paramours. You will be the most in love paramours that time has ever seen. You will be so in love, that it will “drive you both to distraction” making both of you worse at your lessons. Which would mean Lilia tries to separate you, and things will go back to normal. Jack hates the idea at first, but after another three days, he decides, fuck it.
If you've been in the fanfiction community long enough, you know this backfires. Lilia just pushes harder, and Jack ends up falling for you. *The crowd gasps* I know, I know, it's such a shock, but we fast forward a couple months to when you tell Jack that this obviously isn't working, you should just call things off. He stares at you, unsure how to respond. He…he doesn't want to. But he slowly nods. What else can he say? You want to stage a nasty break up, which will get Lilia off of your back “for certain”.
You begin the exchange for the break up, during lunch. “We have to end our relationship. I am being stifled with you!” It builds higher and higher as planned, drawing a crowd around you. You reach the climax of your scene, and you turn to storm off, when Jack goes off script.
“Don't go.” It's a soft whisper, like he almost doesn't want you to hear it. But you do, and you freeze. “What was that?” “Don't go.” You turn, and he's looking at you with pleading eyes. The both of you forget the scene, forget everything but the moment. You just stare at each other. Then you smile softly. 
“I am not going anywhere.”
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The Draconia family is one known for grace and elegance. So when Vil has had it with Epel's toxic masculinity streak, he literally shoves him into your chest, telling you to fix him. Then he storms off. That's how you and Epel became temporary roommates.
Sebek and Silver had both protested. How could they be sure Epel wasn't an assassin sent to kill you? But Lilia thought this would be good for both of you, you could learn about humans, teaching, and empathy, and Lilia could scratch his dadly itch and train Epel how to use his build to his advantage. It was a win for all!
Those first few days were rough. Epel cares 0% about what some weak princely dude has to teach him. He pays attention to Lilia's lessons, but ignores you. That is until group training day, when he has to spar with you, and you pin him to the ground in two seconds flat. Suddenly, he's taking notes.
“If what my brother says is true, what Schoenheit is trying to teach you, is that elegance is a weapon in itself. It's better if people underestimate you, because that means you'll have the advantage in a fight.” That's how you phrase it. Which is only half true, but hey, Vil isn't around to correct you, and Malleus could never be wrong, right? Whether that's the goal or not, it gets through to Epel, and that's what matters. Both of you are very sad when Vil welcomes him back to Pomefiore, after he's calmed down. But Vil is impressed with the impact you all had on him, so Epel is welcome to visit Diasomnia whenever he has free time.
One day when he comes over, you excitedly bring him to your room, and show him the outfits you have laying out. “I think you would look wonderful in Valley of Thorns attire” you say absentmindedly as you begin holding things up to him, deciding what colors you think would look best. You pick an outfit, then send him to get changed. He has difficulty tying some laces, and arranging jewels and robes. So now you stood behind him, your breath on his neck as you finished off helping him dress. You turn the both of you to the mirror, snap your fingers to change your own clothes, then smile brightly.
“Look how well we compliment each other!” Epel looks at the mirror, then looks at you, then says, “I gotta go.” Then he leaves, outfit still on. Not that you mind, it was meant for him anyway.
Everytime he sees you, he gets an unmanly flutter in his stomach. But he's the very image of cool. Nothing is wrong. His cheeks are not pink. He is not avoiding eye contact. Meanwhile, you're trying to figure out what boundary you crossed, and Lilia clearly knows what's wrong, but refuses to tell you.
So one day, in the middle of a crowd of students trying to get their lunch, you kneel before him, hand to your heart, and give a heartfelt apology that doesn't actually apologize for anything considering you don't know what you did. He stares for a moment, his heart racing, then runs out of the room. Vil nearly has a heart attack.
Epel runs straight into you, since you are able to teleport anywhere, and falls flat on his ass. And then he starts yelling. The conversation goes as follows.
“it’s all your fault!”
“I know, that's why I apologized.”
“Ya don't know nothing!”
“My apology was all encompassing.”
“All yer damn fault!”
“But I did apologize”
This goes on for a while. At some point, he pushes you so that you'll be out of his way so he can run, and, on instinct, you pin him down again. Your brow furrows, and you order him to tell you what's wrong.
“I like ya.” “But aren't you yelling at me?” “Cause I like ya!” “Why are you so angry with me, if you like me?” “Cause yer so damn dense!”
By then, Sebek and Silver have found the two of you, as well as Malleus, and all three are worried that Epel has made an attempt on your life. But once you've hastily cleared everything up, you'll be able to tell Epel if you reciprocate his feelings. Vil and Rook are so proud to raise a son who is dating a prince.
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Is he obsessed with Malleus because he can't cope with his crush on you, or does he have a crush on you because he is obsessed with Malleus? The world will never know. But Lilia and Silver are going to use it to their advantage.
He ends up guarding you a lot. They say it's because he is in your classes and therefore he can be your protector. But it's really just so Malleus can get a break when he's starting to feel suffocated. All the other first years make fun of him for tailing you like a puppy, but he can't help it! He has to protect you! Loudly!
Proximity makes the heart fonder, and you really notice your feelings when he has to escort Malleus on a school field trip. You feel…empty. Alone. You spend the next week being mopey, which upsets Sebek. He swears he'll find who did this to you!
He becomes an absolute menace, interrogating anyone who might have come into contact with you while he was gone. Eventually, Lilia confronts you about your behavior.
“It's wrong for a prince to let some hurt feelings affect the way you treat your subjects.”
“It's not like they're actually my subjects. Malleus is the only one who matters-”
Lilia already had his suspicions, but this just confirms it. He calls you out on your jealousy over Malleus and Sebek spending time together, which you initially deny. But the harder he pushes, the more you relent. You're so used to Sebek in your life, that his absence hurt. You…you love him.
But you're certain he can't love you. Still, you agree to tell him you are okay so he can stop harassing random students. Lilia urges you to share your true feelings, claiming Sebek feels the same. But how can he? You see the way he treats Malleus. You've heard how he speaks about him. That's love. It has to be! 
Once you tell Sebek that no one hurt you, you just were in a mood, he calms down. He gives you a whole speech about how he'd never forgive himself if you got hurt when he was away. It would bring shame to his glorious king! And it just makes everything hurt worse.
And now you're pouty again. You may not be as powerful as your brother (Sebek speaks of your brother's power constantly) but you're still very strong. Your emotions, the worse they get, make the weather stormy. So now, not only are you mopey, and Sebek is harassing students, but the weather is absolutely awful. Lilia, again, pulls you to the side and gives you a much sterner talk, you tell Sebek you're fine, he says something something Malleus something something perfect king, and you're pouting again. 
Eventually, Lilia has had enough. With Malleus and your grandmother's permission (that's how you know you're in trouble) he sits both you and Sebek down for a chat. You get your lecture first. You are a Prince. You are expected to rise above foolish emotions, in order to better serve the people. When a Prince's actions begin to negatively affect their people, they no longer deserve their power.
Sebek stands up in a fury! He's shouting at Lilia (something you've never seen before), defending your honor. Surely whatever has upset you is not your fault! It's his for not slaying whatever pesky human tried to hurt you! In fact-! He's drawing his sword and preparing to storm out of the room when Lilia sternly tells him to sit down. He's getting a lecture as well. The idea of being lectured seems to soothe Sebek, though he still grumbles about how you were being wrongfully detained.
Then Lilia begins Sebek’s lecture. And it's not what you were expecting.
“I have told you many times that you need to be clear about how you feel about people.”
“I FREQUENTLY SHOW MY AWE AND HONOR FOR BOTH MY PRINCES!”
“A true knight doesn't shy away from his feelings. He understands that existence is fleeting, and that the one he loves may not be there to love tomorrow.”
You're confused. But Sebek is standing there red faced and speechless. He simply says Lilia 's name, and Lilia seems to understand. He leaves, and Sebek turns to you, kneeling low and bowing his head.
“Long have my feelings for you been stronger than that of a knight and his charge. But as I am unworthy of my Lord's affections, I have been loath to share them. But General Lilia is correct. There may not be a tomorrow. So I can no longer hide my love for you. I ask for nothing, only that I remain by your side, and continue to worship you.”
His head remains bowed, and, for the first time in many many years, you find yourself caught off guard. The man you have found yourself pining for for quite some time is kneeling before you and offering his heart. You slip a finger below his chin, raising his gaze to meet yours. His eyes betray his nervousness, but your soft lovesick smile eases his soul, as you tell him just how much the feeling is returned.
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greeneyed-thestral · 8 months ago
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I MET MICHAEL SHEEN. 16/03/24, National Theatre
So, if you've read my post about booking tickets to see Michael, you know all about my what-ifs. But the day was finally here.
I arrived at the National Theatre, followed all the Nye signs and here's the Olivier Theatre. I made my sister buy me the show's programme, hoping I would be able to get it signed.
I find my seat, I'm not in the centre but the stage still feels very close and you can see everything (amphitheatres are always the best).
Lights out. The audience is in religious silence. Can't believe I'm actually here, this is happening.
[skip this part in smaller font, if you want to avoid spoilers] In the words of Staged, he really loses himself in his roles. First of all, it's great to hear him speak in a Welsh accent.
But then we also see him turning back into a child, and you can totally believe he's young and innocent again. His stutter feels so real, his struggle and sadness too. The entire ensamble is great during the classroom scene, where they all help Nye against their bullying teacher (using those big canes to make him look scary really works). Hearing young Nye confessing that at times he thinks he 'shouldn't exist' because of who he is was a gut punch; Michael's delivery of that whole part is incredible, in that moment he really becomes a little boy that allows himself to feel vulnerable and says something dark to a friend. The way he jumps while saying "I can visualise and enunciate!" made me wanna jump too, he was ready to give up and then he found the solution through books, it's the joy and relief you feel when you realise that there is another way and your life is not over.
Now, I've watched musicals all my life and let me tell you that man is meant to be in one. He opened his mouth and all I could see was someone that had been waiting a long time for the occasion to show his talent, truly showstopping. He was so free and happy and confident, singing and dancing spectacularly. I couldn't stop smiling and giggling, we all clapped.
It's clear he means every word he says, and when he points and shouts his political arguments at the audience, those who feel called out must be shaking; I thought 'This is how people in Ancient Greece must have felt everytime they went to the theatre'. His Nye is inspiring, passionate, someone you'd want to follow, he stands up for what he believes in and lets nothing get in his way.
We get to watch him flirt, on all fours, waggling his 'tail'; everytime we think we've seen all he's capable of, he does something like this and surprises us.
But most of all, we see him being scared, first of having to do something, and then of not being able to do enough for all of us. At one point everyone has requests for Nye and I was expecting him to shout "Heal yourselves!" like Jesus in JCS, it totally conveyed what it must have been like to be in his role at the time, overwhelmed with daunting responsibilities.
In general, I appreciated the fact that it wasn't a linear biography, they chose life moments that have universal situations everyone can relate too, like they do in bio-musicals. I loved the staging. The colour palette is so recognisable; the curtains and the beds are used in many different ways so everything is explored at its full potential.
He is on stage basically all the time for more than two hours (sometimes twice a day, can you imagine?). Also barefoot and in his pajamas from start to finish, he looks like a teddy bear you just want to hug and protect.
He bows, looks at Nye's achievements, then leaves the stage.
Standing ovation, applause. I go back to the theatre lobby, I was supposed to wait for my sister, but she's late. Meanwhile, a fan asks me how to get to the Stage Door. I start too fear that I'm going to miss my chance if I keep waiting inside, so I decide to go on my own. After no more than 5 minutes, he's outside with us. Forget Nye, I am living my fever dream. He has just finished his second show of the day and yet he's smiling and listening to each and every one, signing and taking pictures. I know many have said this, but he really is an angel.
My sister arrives, and as soon as I'm sure she has the camera ready, I make my way to him. The two girls next to me who were speaking to him needed a pen and I lent them my sharpie, so I got my chance to look generous in front of him.
And suddently it was my turn. This is as much as my scrambled mind allows me to remember: I tell him I'm Francesca and I'm from Italy, he asks me how long I am going to stay, I confess that I had arrived that morning and just to see him, that I would be leaving already the following morning. I can't even focus while he's signing my programme, I just want to find the right words. I manage to say how I enjoyed seeing his passion, all these different sides of him and how watching him sing and dance has been the highlight of my evening. We take a picture together, I feel his hand on my shoulder and I realise my arm is around the waist of this person I love. I had to thank him again, telling him that he only deserves good things and that we are so lucky to have him. He wishes me a safe trip home, and I melt. I leave and I can't stop trembling. On my way back to the hotel I hold on tight to my signed programme and the sharpie that was in his hands just moments earlier. Only later I will realise that he's also written 'Ciao!', 'love' and 'X', without me asking for it or anything! Seeing him act live was a big gift already, but what followed outside was beyond my dreams. I can't look at the photos without blushing, the way he looks at me in the video and then also strokes my arm for a moment, I mean pinch me now.
The more I think about it, the more I can't believe it happened.
I want to thank everyone that under my first post pushed me and encouraged me to see the pros of doing this, I share this beautiful moment of my life with all of you. <3
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comicaurora · 1 year ago
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What are your thoughts on guardians vol.3? (If you have watched it) I went into it, expecting it went to the garbage like the rest of the mcu, but I was pleasantly surprised by its creativity, trope subversion, and how it wrapped up the previously unresolved arks of its characters.
That's what I've heard!
The thing is, Guardians 3 could be the most transcendent work of cinema ever made, and I'd probably still feel little to no motivation to watch it at this point. It's not Guardians's fault - it's just suffering from the same problem that superhero comics have been struggling with for decades: no matter how good an individual arc or run is, absolutely nothing good lasts or matters in the long term, and the stories are shaped in such a way that "the long term" is the only thing anyone gets to build towards.
Whenever I complain about the MCU I get a handful of people loudly complaining about my complaining, with the general thesis that if I don't like it I shouldn't watch it or talk about it - if I'm not having fun, just stop engaging with it. And the thing is, I have. I am intellectually interested in why this massive franchise is fumbling the bag so hard, which is why I still check in on it sometimes, but I've long since stopped turning to the MCU for uncritical entertainment. And even the good movies or shows with a lot of interesting ideas - good character arcs, fun concepts, interesting planting for future payoff - don't draw me in anymore, because they're hooked into a massive moneymaking machine that will scrap and squander anything if they think it'll make them more in the quarter. It doesn't matter how good the writing is, because the writers are not allowed to tell a complete, finished story, and they have no control over what happens to their characters outside of their own script.
Captain America's arc was set up from literally minute one to answer one burning question at the core of his character: does a world without a war still need Captain America? After that incredibly basic tee-up at the end of First Avenger, half a dozen movies failed to come up with a reason to say "yes," and now Steve is retired for good after getting fumbled through four different storylines that couldn't even pretend that they needed him (the unused Chekhov's Phone from the end of Civil War still haunts me). The foundational arc of his entire character never happened because nobody bothered to keep track of it past a single movie.
Taika did something interesting with Thor in Ragnarok - take away Mjolnir, force him to recognize what it means to be the god of thunder, give him a very Odin-y missing eye - and the very next movie undid all of it. Just kidding, never mind, here's an eye and a new weapon and also his old weapon again, and in one more movie we're even gonna give him his hair back, probably as an apology for all the completely unironic fatphobia we're gonna slather him in for two and a half hours. I'm not even surprised Love And Thunder was such an overblown mess that barely took itself seriously - why would Taika bother trying to give Thor another arc when the powers that be will just roll it back in six months anyway?
I hear Rocket Raccoon has a fantastic arc in this movie. That's great, and demonstrates that he's being written by a writer that deeply cares about him. But he's part of the MCU, and the MCU doesn't let anything end, so if current patterns hold, Rocket is going to continue to serve as quippy plushie-bait for the next dozen movies and none of that depth is going to come through in the long term. Hell, since they're making Kang noises for the Next Big Threat and Kang's entire gimmick is rewriting timelines, literally none of this is guaranteed to matter. By next year, it might not have even happened anymore.
The MCU has successfully shaped itself into a paradigm where the bright spots of good writing are overridden and lost as soon as the writers room turns over, and that makes it really hard for me to muster up the enthusiasm to watch even a really good movie that's locked into the exact same grist mill as everything else. I'm glad people liked it, I hope it gets to stay good this time - I just have no desire to watch it.
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