#beauty is pain he said
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the way my dad used to comb over my ear harshly with the hairbrush, and me telling him not to do that because it hurts with tears in my eyes. the way he would say ‘if you want to be beautiful you have to suffer’. and the way he always said im spoiled and do not know what real pain is. something about being voyeuristic with your pain as a woman something.
#help i told this as a funny story but no one is laughing theyre all staring at me strangely#childhood#beauty is pain he said#but i know thats not true#because ive seen her and suddenly the ache in my body and mind is gone#thoughts
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Working on the Fractures Rewrite today and man I love this rewritten version of Fractures-Zuko so much.
That is not to say that I do not like Original Fractures-Zuko, or that they are drastically different from one another, but there is something about the new, fresh characterization, the reclaiming of personhood and the ability to choose for oneself, and kindness that ever-endures not because of opposition but in spite of it, that really gets me going.
It's not easy to go from one extreme to another, and I want this rewrite to push that more than before. For a while, Zuko will still be thinking as if he's in the cell, because of course he will be. That's all he's known for so long. Even out of it, why would things be any different?
For example, here's a section I was just cleaning up in Chapter 2 of the rewrite, when Zuko's at the coronation ball:
"He swallowed. His throat was dry, and his skin tingled, and his blood might have been as raw as it was in the cell. “I have to leave,” he said. It was silly to say such a thing. Zuko had whispered the same words into unfeeling stones and cold, damp air, and all he had gotten in return was another day wondering how his father managed to carve out a piece of the Hells just for him. It was a waste of breath, to speak that which would never change a thing."
I'm having so much fun.
Original Fractures-Zuko will always have a place in my heart, just as he will always have a place in all of your hearts, I'm sure, but I hope beyond hope that you all come to love Rewritten Fractures-Zuko as much as I do, because I'm pouring my soul into him, and that's exactly what I'm getting back.
#fractures atla#fractures rewrite#fractures rewrite zuko my beloved#i said before that the prologue and book 1#on an internal level#are meant to be about recovery#original fractures zuko had a lot of physical recovery and that is beautiful#but the trauma was not as addressed as i felt it needed to be#and not just the trauma from the pain#but the trauma that comes from spending three years of your life with nothing but walls and blood for company#hes so strong but hes not ALWAYS#and thats ok#hes not alone anymore#and he will learn that#i swear it
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the way gideon's voice goes so much higher when he's really scared or upset....... just the image of big hulking gideon cradling twig's tiny limp body in his arms while sounding like nothing so much as a scared teen boy and looking around at the others almost pleadingly... why this tho. why must this be. why would you hurt me like this
#kremy realizing before any of them but not wanting to be the one to tell gideon aOURRRRGH pain#once upon a witchlight#once upon a witchlight spoilers#gideon coal#legends of avantris#listen to once upon a witchlight they said it's fun they said! (it is still very fun is the thing)#the way kremy talks to him when he's that upset is so sweet though. like he still takes him seriously and listens#but he takes on some of the more clear-headed thinking that needs to be done. and gid clearly trusts him enough to respond to that#kremy talks it through patiently and without responding to gideon's seeming anger b/c he knows it's just covering#for all the stuff he really feels. ........ P artners#also gricko and frost being team 'let's. maybe not try to bring her back by ominous unnatural means#that could have ominous unnatural results' while coalecroux jointly go 'by hook or by fucking crook dude get your con grindset on'#beautiful stuff drift compatability remains extremely high
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How do you think Creature proposed? I know we see part of it in the film but i'm sitting her kicking my feet thinking about them running back to the room and Lisa is ready to go, and Creature suddenly stops and she's confused and asks him what's wrong. Is the stitching bad? Does he need another round in the tanning bed? Did he change his mind?
And he just stands there staring at her trying to think of how to convey that he loves her so much and no matter what happens to them, they will not share the same fate of going to the grave unmarried. and in the middle of Lisa trying to decipher all of this he just grabs her bag of peach rings and gets on one knee.
#creature said no sex out of wedlock#do you think he was planning this out when he was getting his dick sewed on?#lisa frankenstein#the creature#its so important to me that he married her#the beautiful full circle of the only thing the world knows about him is he died unmarried and how painful that must be for him#making sure that she won't have to go through that#that 1 even if no one else knows about him she will know that someone loved her#and 2 that he ends up making sure the world knows by writing it on her tomb
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Listen. I've watched MASH Goodbye, Farewell, and Amen at least 4 times and it still makes me feel insane. Imagine making one of the all-time greatest episodes of television way back in 1983.
#its so fucking crazy. like genuinely its gotta be an alltime tv moment forever#like my dad was like: i just remember that guy wanting to tell his buddy how much he meant to him and he just couldnt do it. bj hunnicut#male role model forever. my dad also said over the break: why would u want to watch something that makes u sad? and im like. i love a#tragedy above all things. i want to be in agony over my favorite media. Hawkeye barely recovers from his time in the psychic ward. gets#haulded back into the living nightmare of a korean war surgery room after just finding out that his bff left without leaving a single note#just like his last bff and theyll never see eachother again. itll never be the same. and he cabt even think about it bc theres a kid#bleeding out all over his scrubs. its brutal. and i love it. it makes me so sad. but in the midst of a god awful war bj and Hawkeye were#best friends and in no other situation would they have clung to that relationship as tightly as they would have in the middle of a war.#there is wonder there. there is love. despite the pain and i think that's beautiful#unrelated
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Rumble, Soundwave, Ravage, and Lazerbeak (and their fans) at the Decepticon Day Dance in Megatron's Master Plan (Pt. 2)
#soundwave#transformers#g1#tf rumble#tf ravage#ravage#lazerbeak#flashing#eyestrain#eye strain#i hate how visually painful this scene in while also having such incredible beauties as rumble's dancing#ravage getting chin scritches- lb being offered a cracker#and SW JUST???? KNEELING THERE???#he's not moving AT ALL and has this lil gaggle of teen girls fawning over him#those girls are so fuckin valid too#ALSO HOW DID HE GET IN? did he alt mode and someone carried him in omfg#the mayor said 'decepticons good' and the WHOLE city in 24hr was like 'cool we love them'#its so fucking funny i love this so much#my gifs
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Elrond, to Cirdan: "What is beauty when it is born in part of evil?"
Cirdan: "No less beautiful." * *After which he immediately turns behind him with a knowing look to Elrond until the camera adjusts focus onto him
. . .
Also Adar to Elrond "You have the beauty of your fore-mother Melian of the Valar"
Me: Shaking crying gnashing teeth; Ohh OKay!!
#trop#trop spoilers#sort of?#elrond#cirdan#I'm 100% just goofing around but also#Cirdan immediately after: would you cast Rumil's verses into the flame because the poet was a drunkard#Uh low blow when you know what happened to Maedhros my dude!#(also lol because I just realized that's precisely what Elrond is going to demand happen to the one ring!!)#This is definitely unintentional on the part of the show btw I'm just thinking a lot about Elrond's complicated childhood and echoes+thefun#lil self loathing and random rage and pain the show has given him as a treat since they can't talk about said complicated backstory#“Not to me” he answers Cirdan when he says that beauty is not less beautiful when it's shaped by evil#haha!!! please love yourself!!#OH GOD WAIT I just realized that the show has Elrond watch Celebrimbor's work burn at Eregion after Adar brings up Rumil again#because they want us to see te fucking parallel with Cirdan's lesson what the FUUUUuuuddkkkkk *wailing*
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my best friend came to me said “one of our friends wanted to know/try out kpop and while others were sending blackpink, exo, bts songs i sent her txt!!! i’m the best, right???” HAHAHSGQGSHFJFJEJKDMQHF and i was like “proud of you lil soldier” hahsbdnwjqkdjxdmwkkf
#😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 SO CUTE#i said “well FIRSTLY. txt IS NOT kpop” hahahfhenwhfjckfjjdhddskmd just joking. but mean it too#these things make me sohappy idk why ahdhrnwjqkxkcmdhwhhdhxf#of course i immediately asked her which song she sent and she sent 0×1 lovesong and chasing that feeling. well. good choices#AND she said her friend fell in love with beomgyu hahshfbwbbqjskxkxhdg LIKEEEEE 0×1 beomgyu? of course? is there people who’s not in love#with him?? i don’t think so but anyways ALSO HER FRIEND said that she liked txt’s songs more and it’s more of her vibe#and HEAR ME OUT. i know her ok. i don’t know her very well but we met once and my best friend tells me about her so i have an idea about he#personality. and I THINK SHE WOULD LOVE TXT. and she would fall for their music IF I WAS THERE to explain her well#because she already fell for the music‚ she just needs someone to explain the lyrics and etc to her and....... i just feel like txt’s music#would really help her. anyways so i was like SEND HER TO ME RIGHTTTT NOW I NEED TO INTRODUCE MY TUBATU PROPERLY ahhshfbensnsbdhxjjdjs#but anyways ...... my friend said if her friend is interested to know more she will direct her to me hahdbfnwnsjdjxhfh#no but i asked her music taste and my friend send me her spotify profile and i looked at the artists she listens#she mostly listens turkish —the reason my friend said because she wants to understand the music she listens? valid...#but THE ARTISTTSSS she listens to.... they’re mostly stars of the turkish rock and i also love them and the songs i would recommend to her#immediately flew around my mind ㅠㅠㅠ and honestly my first choices wouldn’t be 0×1 & ctf. it would be#growing pain‚ quarter life‚ farewell neverland‚ higher than heaven‚ forty one winks‚ miracle....... ㅠ#but apparently they were talking about music videos and she wanted to recommend something with the mv. and again‚ i said good choice hahdnf#because 0×1 lovesong music video is one of my favs. it really is like a mini movie soooooooooo. but anyways ㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠ i hope her friend itche#to know more... i know... i feel like she would love it...#i mean i get the “understanding what you hear” part but... it’s okay.. i can tell you about it... we can learn korean together hahshdnsnqjg#the language isn’t a big problem for me but i agree that if you know the language‚ you enjoy it even more. and you also get to appreciate#the art even more. that’s why i’m trying to learn korean and..... that’s also why.... i want to learn japanese too because#WELL AGAIN BECAUSE OF TUBATU hahdnenwkskcjcg because i’m in love with their japanese discography too and i’d love to understand it even mor#but no really there are great japanese artists which i fell in love with their songs... but japanese looks so scary idk... yup#sighs. i know she won't misunderstand me but i hope i didn't sound like a freak ahahfnensjkdjchfnsks because i can't help it#i feel obligated to tell people about txt’s music. because it changed and made me gain so many perspectives in my life... i’m grateful and#it’s just so beautiful..... i need more people to know this. and i also can’t stop yapping about the things i deeply love. so yes#can’t stop can’t stop lost it in your eyes~~#**AND IT CONtinues to change so many aspects of my life. everytime i listen i hear something new i realize something different i learn#something valuable.. and i think that’s just magical. <3
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I'm so not normal about nursery songs like You Are My Sunshine... we are singing our loved ones (babies and young especially) that they are the sun in our hearts, that they warm us with their very presence and that they are so, so dear and loved. How could you hate humanity when we have this unadulterated love for each other?
#positivity#that's why i changed my header to what it is now#entering my hopepilled era (i am still compulsively online about it though)#do other countries have songs like the english you are my sunshine? i am SURE they're out there#but each time i look for songs with the same themes as you are my sunshine it's just equivalent translations of the phrase#anyway... i know i post a lot of hopeful/positive stuff because we need it#the club is bumping. the ladies look good. the alcohol is flowing. there is much pain in the world but not in this room.#(also the context for that quote is the raver was ranting about how osama bin laden looks like a dick so FUCK that guy)#(note that the raver kid said FUCK osama because he looks like a dick. i am not supporting osama bin laden)#please for your own sake... find one small but beautiful thing and become OBSESSED with how beautiful and meaningful it is to you#if you are from another country and have a sweet or kind little poem/song akin to the song i mention: PLEASE SHARE IT PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE#please allow me the kindness of breaking my heart over how beautiful this world is because i cannot handle just how beautiful we are
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Joseph Quinn called me “My Darling” nbd or anything 🖤
#so swoon worthy#after this phot he told me ‘see you later’ and I said “’thank you’ back💀💀#I’m only 5’1 I thought he was gonna be so tall!! he’s a short king!#I LOVE his lil belt#NONE of you lol shits better repost this or I’m hunting your family for sport! I’ll Kermit if I end up on the fp w/ an emoji over my face💀#reblogs are welcome but NOT reposting anywhere#my moms main comment on those photo “’your hair is so shiny!’ MOTHER it’s literally a photo of me with Joseph Quinn!!#also pointed out that he’s wearing wing tipped shoes and said they are very uncomfortable lol ‘beauty is pain’ she said bc he was on his *#*feet most of the day yesterday lol I cannot with her!#fan expo philadelphia#joe quinn#Joseph Quinn#fan expo philly#Katya speaks#my fa
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pretty sure i have a kidney infection but i think everything is gonna be okay
#i called the doctors office neither of my beautiful lady doctors who believe me every time i say i have a problem were there and a guy#doctor was the only person to talk to#and he said PUSSY ASS BITCH TAKE AN IBUPROFEN AND SHUT THE FUCK UP#just kidding he gave me some other symptoms to watch out for and said to go to the er if i get those. but that for now i should just keep an#eye on it. anyway i cried a little bit i called my mom and she said that i should be peeing after sex and i said yes mom i'm a grown ass#woman. i called my bf he had a theory that i am making myself anxious about it and making the pain worse. which may have been true but also#i think he's biased bc he gives himself psychosomatic symptoms of everything all the time.#but i'm taking a bath and watching dumb youtube and i actually feel way better so maybe it's true.#anyway i'm already on antibiotics. i'm going to survive the night. if it's not feeling better tomorrow i can call my doctor again!!! bitch!#like calm down jesus....
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#I got to have a very sweet goodbye with one of my students on Friday#it was with this incredibly sweet incredibly shy incredibly serious kid whom I have LOVED teaching because of how much he was taking in#and he’s so hard to approach because he just doesn’t speak#and he is not a hugger at all. but somehow all the stars aligned and it was right place right time and I was able to give him a hug#and say congratulations and he just said very succinctly ‘your speech was amazing.’ (I could hear the period)#and he was even in the right space for the hug and was happy I didn’t just skip him. (I find them all and hug them lol) it was special.#I’ve always had so much love for him in my heart and mostly it stays unexpressed (as it should do)#but it was the right time to let some of it show and to feel some of his love for me#not to be weird about it! but it was the right time and the right moment for a second. makes me so happy#lol I prayed I could have a not weird/not painful goodbye with him and Our Lady let me have one 😭#He was one of my first 8th graders and he wrote this beautiful essay on Romeo and Juliet I always remember.#and then he was one of the first boys I ever taught who loved pride and prejudice. He didn’t say he did but he did.#anyway he’s also one of those boys who has enormous influence on other boys especially kids younger than him. For all his being so quiet#boys sense the strength of character. And I know he’s sort of helped a lot of the younger boys I currently teach be more open to literature#simply because HE is and with his peers I suspect he talks a lot more#anyway! Reflecting on much.#teaching tag
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Being a human is literally like this weird combo of being okay and not okay that goes on forever except there is also death
#(i'm fine)#(personally) (mostly) (really)#this has just been an absolutely terrible year for our planet and its people and animals#and it's fucking insane that as an american living in relative safety and comfort and experiencing the pleasures and guilt of that...#...i can experience this horrible yet ENTIRELY SURVIVABLE blend of acute pain over so many things at once#including war and genocide and the utter hopelessness of that#and also things like being really really sad that matthew perry's life was so hard and he died#and also so many bad and weird things have happened to family members this year but we mostly have the resources to come together and deal#which is amazing and bolstering and exhausting#and my brain still has space to be excited about writing and numb to writing and angry/impotent about writing#desperate for feedback yet private and retreat-y and weird#always hoping to hit upon The Perfect Thing :-/#and i live in a place that basically is not a democracy any more and also the u.s. is so cursed we've never been what we said we were#so a lot of my own perceived safety is incredibly fragile#but still so much more solid than what the people i am mourning for had#and none of the comparisons make a lick of sense and are in and of themselves deeply unfair#to the point that it's humiliating to feel guilt (making it about me) and simultaneously humiliating that i don't feel guilt *constantly*#and i have therapy this week but also this deep sense that while my therapist will be a fine person to talk to it will feel unuseful#i've always been a muddle of optimism and pessimism and i am very adamant that life is super beautiful and this is precisely why...#...all the violence in the world is so brutally devastating#it's just that the casserole of all these thoughts feels increasingly horrible#and feeling that way is 100% sane#and even intersectional frameworks and intentional attempts at gentleness only get you so far in the grapple#for meaning and for ideas of what to do#so i end up contacting my reps about various awful things#and zooming in and out on my fixations and having excellent days and terrible days#often dependent on what feels like a camera setting i only partially control#and i'm sure i'm not alone in feeling embarrassed that deep empathy and grief for people i've not met somehow ends up being...#...at least a sliver about ME and my little world#about me
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"Geto is the only one who saw Gojo as human"
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. However, want to be reminded of something really fucking painful?
Geto did saw Gojo as a human/person.
BUT!
Geto also implied to Gojo that he is much better as a monster/weapon.
I mean... why else would this be such a traumatic experience for Satoru? This haunted him for the rest of his life.
Sure. Geto was the first to treat Gojo as a human/person. Yet, he still chose to hurt him deeply by asking him that awful question which reduced Gojo's identity into just his strength/power.
And that follow up! "If I could be you" may as well be "If I could be a powerful [monster] like you" (which Geto strove to be in JJK 0 by trying to kill Yuta and steal Rika). It's at this point that Geto stopped seeing Gojo as a person and started just seeing his power. He is no longer a friend that saw Gojo beyond his Six Eyes-Limitless CT. Geto became just like everybody else.
This is a betrayal tailor fit for Gojo Satoru and, imho, permanently crippled his ability to connect with anyone! It locked him into the untouchable and lonely existence as "The Strongest".
Don't believe me? Well... here's that infamous scene again in 261:
So, yeah. Geto had been kind to Gojo by making him feel like he is a human/person first. However, he had also been cruel to Gojo by making him question his humanity to the point that Gojo believed that being a weapon/monster is the only fate for him.
#jujutsu kaisen spoilers#jjk spoilers#look i love geto and stsg#but i'm not sugarcoating anything about them#the damage geto did to gojo's psyche is not something i will ever ignore or forget#because it's such good writing on how a beautiful relationship can end in tragedy#and how the person you love most can be the most cruel in hurting you#i've said it before and i'll say it again#i interpret geto's tears in chapter 236 as tears of regret#he finally understood the full extent of the pain and trauma he inflicted on gojo so he feels remorseful about it#satoru gojo#suguru geto
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just finished rewatching brewing love, and you think i’m over the hairtie on yoon minju’s wrist??? NOOooo! ☺️
#love the details they put on this show❤️#brewing love#personal#text#and juju’s relationship is top tier romance!#i had to stop and think of some of the scenes and ponder! and some never fail to touch my heart and make me tear up not just from sadness#and pain. aside from those the touching and heartwarming scenes made me tear up as well like when minju confessed#how he felt for yongju with her grandma first 😭😭😭😭#and yongju’s confession is really beautiful and what minju said after!!! like my heart!!! helpppp!!!#and that scene of ah reum and chan hwi when chan hwi had an anxiety attacc the ms bang ran to his rescue#also#i noticed some similarities of mah man minju and eungyeol from twinkling watermelon and some parallels of my two beloved show#and i hope i got enough time and motivation to gif those
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#meeting the sociologist/philosopher who flew in from barcelona and got basically no sleep just 2 be on time to our date soon#im wearing the earrings the ex situationship person chose for me. they have 3 sharp metal bits hanging down from them. it feels#cold like a knife and also they make noise whenever i take a step which acts a little like a friend and also a beating. dont forget who cho#for you. do you miss her? do you miss her? when you see his face will you miss her?#im going to look someone else in their eyes today#im going to study with my friend today and tomorrow#i had a call w a friend yesterday . he taught me logic metatheory intensively and he also said this whole experience has been painful for#him and the rest of my friends bc its like watching someone nearly drink cyanide over and over#it made things a bit clearer#he said its like watching a lion get declawed and that i was essentially unrecognisable. something happened to his friend#and he wanted his friend back#so im going to go back.#he said he doesnt mind dying alone. he asked why hes doing philosophy and i said pure love and he said thats true#im supposed to be in love w abstractions more than ppl#and im supposed to be in love w my friends before any romantic partner#ok going up tottenham ct escelators is a religious experience recently bc every time i will either make eye contact w the most beautiful#person ever or be reminded of the way they held me on the way down here or how i held them on the way up#anyway lets go
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