#be kind and gentle
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willabee · 3 months ago
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shego1142 · 4 months ago
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This video is in many ways the best documented real life example of exactly everything discussed in this post!
People talk all the time about “facts over feelings” on every side of the political spectrum, but yeah, in actual practice, feelings will win out every single time.
This video is actually very dear to me in many ways because I believe that if we all go into a situation with the approach of attempting to make friends, even with people we may perceive as enemies, we’d be happier as a collective.
Changing people's minds on major things is actually a very long and difficult process for both parties. I didn't actually believe that pedestrian-centric city design would be better for people that drive cars until I spent almost a year living without a car and watched hours of youtube videos explaining the issue to me. Turns out that traffic actually does go down and driving does become more pleasant if you make it harder to drive a car and easier to walk. I just straight-up refused to believe that for years. Because people just talked about it like it was obvious. But it wasn't. Because I had spent my whole life in a car-centric city going around in a car and also I was an English major in college who did not study urban planning. You can't expect me to change my entire mindset around transportation all at once. I did reach a eureka moment like two weeks ago but that was after like three years of getting exposed to these ideas periodically and living without a car for 11 months.
And yeah this post is about my big dumb animal brain accepting the science behind narrow roads and the evils of certain types of zoning laws, but it's also about stuff in general. If you don't know why someone isn't changing their mind on something, it's probably because the information they're getting hasn't reached a critical mass in their monkey brain yet. Whenever you hear stories about people changing their minds on things or leaving a certain ideology the story never goes "A person on the internet did a slam dunk on me and then I changed my mind."
It's usually a long process that happens over the course of months or years. Seeds planted here and there that coalesce eventually into a new thought or ideology over the course of years or snap together or send someone down a new path after a certain event. Same with me about pedestrian-centric cities. For me the tipping point was finding this video, which isn't necessarily super special or the best and the guy who runs the channel, in my opinion, isn't the most qualified or the most sympathetic towards every city in every situation, but it was the feather that tipped the scales in my brain to "Oh, wait. Maybe everything I thought I knew about how cities work is wrong actually." But that video alone didn't change my mind. With the amount of stuff and people that have gradually and gently been giving me information over the past couple years, something else was bound to eventually change my mind.
People on Tumblr yelling about abolishing the car, if anything, slowed down me changing my mind. Every time I saw a person saying that driving cars is stupid and that cars are bad I took a step back into my old way of thinking in defense. Because I grew up only ever using a car to get around. Rhetoric like that felt like a direct attack on my family, who I know to be loving people who care about other human beings and who drive cars literally everywhere.
And you might say, posts and videos like that aren't actually an attack on people that drive or have to drive. Okay then. Why are they phrased like that? Because that makes you feel good? Because you're angry? Alright, your anger at how it's currently impossible to get around if you don't own a car and how people who don't actually want to drive are being forced to drive is reasonable. And now I understand why it exists. I'm kind of angry too now that I get how this stuff works. However, is calling the people you're trying to convince stupid to their face and immediately bombarding them with your most radical ideas that might be completely detached from their reality and how they understand the world really the most productive way to channel your anger?
What about a guy with a knee problem that lives in rural Appalachia? Do you think he is gonna be convinced by your angry rants about bike lanes? No. He lives on a mountain that he can't climb or bike up because he's disabled and has only ever known getting around in a car. What about a person who overheats easily living in a suburb in the middle of the desert? Do you think she is inspired by your green lush pictures of trolleys running through parks in The Netherlands? No. If she leaves her house for too long without ice water she could literally die and you're going on about getting rid of, in her mind, the only thing that lets her go to the grocery store and not faint.
And again, this post is about my inability to comprehend walkable cities, but it's also about everything else you might ever want to convince someone of. The way you talk about things with your in-group that knows exactly what you're talking about should not be the same way you talk about that thing with people that you're genuinely trying to convince of something.
#life lessons#communication#this is just like important#it’s about meeting people where there at#this is actually a lot like how#I frequently get a lot of petitions from well intentioned but ultimately misinformed people#who live in America but really want to outlaw non traditional meats in other countries#meat ranging from rabbit to horse to animals commonly thought of as pets#and they’re like ‘we should be super harsh and mean to anyone who even so much as tries to buy this!’#and I always delete those petitions because not only are they absolutely useless (not all petitions are but these in particular are)#but they’re also deeply flawed in the actual issues surrounding their goal#if you’re trying to fundamentally change how a large number of people live their lives and the food they eat#most of whom are poor which is why they are eating alternatives to the much more expensive meats like beef#and you’re going about it by attacking innocent people just for trying to survive?!#then you’re really not going to do very much good#if you make a food source for many people illegal then you’re just making it more hidden and unregulated#and those who are desperate to survive and keep their families alive will continue to utilise the now much more unregulated system#and those who are unable to use this new system will suffer and ultimately not be able to survive#those who are able to use this new unregulated system may be prone to sickness due to the lack of regulations#there are some things#not many but some things#that you can prevent or eliminate by using aggression#for example punching nazis is really good at reminding other people that nazis are excluded from polite society#it will not however convince the Nazi to not be an asshole#that’s really not something you should even attempt to do because debating them is what they want#but someone just genuinely trying to see a new perspective?#befriend them#or someone who’s important to you and you really need them to see your pov?#be kind and gentle#also look up the DEARMAN dbt exercise
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classycookiexo · 9 months ago
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tojisun · 7 months ago
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cockwarming price in his office but it’s all about the visceral need to be closer. it’s sensual, yes, but it’s not teasing nor desperate; just him rubbing your back as you sink down his cock, swallowing it whole and letting it nestle deep in you. he murmurs his praises, affection heavy on his tongue, before he continues his work; sorting out files with monotony, if not for the way you’re wrapped around him, so warm, so good. you breathe through your mouth, your cheeks tingling with warmth at every twitch because god, john’s reaching so far and so deep in you; it’s both so much and not enough. your nails bite at his fatigues as you try to nuzzle closer. and it’s all this dizzying buzzing warmth—skin against skin, muscle against muscle, his bulk against your fat.
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poorly-drawn-mdzs · 1 month ago
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Dead beat down
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egophiliac · 1 month ago
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Hello ! I positively adore the running joke of Idia unknowingly finding Lilia to be the coolest guy ever whenever he doesn't know it's him, like when Silver described his father, or obviously with muscle red. I can't say what'd be funnier, Idia finding out his online best friend is actually Lilia, resident spooky hyper fairy; or them both never finding out, and it'd become even more ridiculous as time goes on. How do you think it'll play out ? You're always so on point
(Also, though it makes sense, I'm still devastated bat boy didn't get a ticket for the Halloween skeleton train : ( does anyone mentions him at some point ? Like how he'd have fit right in with all those Halloween town little freaks, and how he'd have impressed them with his spooks and scared techniques; after all he's been every Briar Valley's children worst fear on Halloween for centuries. I'm on the eng server and I didn't wanna spoil myself by watching the whole thing on youtube)
Have a nice day !
you and me both, Idia and Lilia being oblivious online BFFs (+ Idia being incredibly intimidated any time Silver brings up his jock gamer dad) is my favorite running joke/subplot. 🤝 it's SO good, to the point where I also am unsure if I actually want it to ever be resolved or not...maybe, like, as a post-canon stinger or something? everyone's standing around covered in overblot ink, and Idia and Lilia's phones go off at the same time...
(legit I do think this is part of why Idia couldn't be present for Lilia's dream, because for some reason Lilia decided he was going to just. embody his past self online. he probably quotes his own battle strategies or whatever in the middle of boss fights. Idia didn't pick up on the whole "oh how weird that we both live on a super remote island" thing, but he would spend thirty seconds listening to General Lilia describing siege warfare and be like "w-wait")
all that aside, however it does end up happening, I do see Lilia being very blasé and all "oh! cool!" about it. y'know, taking it very much in stride! and Idia...very much not.
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(can't tell if tumblr is going to chew this into illegibility or not, this will be a fun surprise ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ)
as for Lilia sadly missing out on Halloweentown shenanigans...he does get one little mention as part of an offhand reference to the light music club, but so far no one has brought up how this basically is just Lost In the Book of Liliatown (Sebek's been too busy yelling about not getting to be in the same group as Malleus). 😔 honestly though, it's probably for the best that he got left out, because he would just settle right in and refuse to ever leave. canon would shatter. we would miss out on all the delightful angst of episode 7 because Lilia is too busy eating poisonous shrubbery inbetween practicing his very best screams, and no one can pull him away from it.
(I can hope for a sequel next year though...)
#art#twisted wonderland#twisted wonderland spoilers#gentle spoilers but y'know. just in case#lost in the book with nightmare before christmas#hajimari no halloween#most of the kitchen scene was jade messing with the firsties and that was so delightful that i didn't think til after#that you'd think sebek would have made some kind of reference to lilia 'i lost my tastebuds in the war' vanrouge's quote-unquote cooking#ah well. jade being mean is more than entertaining enough#looking forward to more of it tomorrow!#god. lilia and idia though.#lilia is like. genuinely idia's best friend and neither of them have any idea#and idia keeps doing that 'ha ha what if we were friends out of game too? what if we met offline? jk jk jk uNLESS...👉👈'#and then he immediately chickens out because he's so convinced that crimson will hate him if they ever met irl#(meanwhile lilia is just like 'my online bestie is so cool :) la la la')#they are both so stupid and i love them so much#i've just realized that i actually do want them to find out each other's identities#because idia doesn't just go to school with his online bff#he ALSO goes to school with his online bff's extremely supportive and extremely socially-inept kids#idia is going to get invited to dinner at diasomnia and it's going to be SO awkward#silver is going to give a long formal speech thanking him for being a stalwart comrade and trusted warrior brother to his father#as sebek stews in jealousy that idia got to fight by lilia-sama's side >:(#while idia sits there like 'all i did was link him a video about lane control for his character class'#malleus will make such an effort to learn literally anything about online gaming and he won't understand a word of it#it will be SUCH a disaster and i very much do want it now
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snowangeldotmp3 · 14 days ago
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btw i feel like this shouldn't have to be said but the reason that agatha hates rio is because agatha didn't get to say goodbye to nicky. rio couldn't offer her any more time. and, in rio's mind, nicky going peacefully in his sleep (and even telling him to turn around and kiss agatha goodbye!!) is the one grace rio feels she can give agatha. nicky doesn't suffer. he doesn't fight. he just...goes. he goes on a walk with his mother and kisses his mama goodbye. but agatha doesn't get to say goodbye!!! she doesn't get those final moments with him!! she wakes up and he's already gone.
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themetaphorgirl · 2 months ago
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me: wow, I’d love to see Five get closer to his sister-in-law in season 4
me, later: no no wait, wrong sister-in-law, I meant that he should get to know Sloane because they’re both Fives and she’s intelligent and ambitious but also very sweet and fiercely loyal and I think they would be good friends, THIS IS THE WRONG SISTER-IN-LAW AND THE WRONG KIND OF CLOSE
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bittsandpieces · 2 months ago
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I don't have a caption for this one tbh
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inkskinned · 5 months ago
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today i love the red metal crane in her long neck arching her body over the boston skyline, which means i am okay for a moment. when i am unwell, everything is a little ugly. i always tell myself look for the beauty but when it is bad, i will look at birds and sunsets and little ducklings and feel absolutely nothing.
when my brother got his puppy, i was in a deep depression. what kind of monster isn't affected by a puppy. i was gentle and kind to her - i just didn't have an emotional reaction. she's five now and i feel like i spend all of our interactions apologizing to her - i don't know why. i just didn't feel anything. how embarrassing. i feel like if i admit that, i'll seem cruel and jaded. it comes in waves. like, two months ago when i went out into the world - it was like that. life behind a pane of stormglass. a firework could go off over your head - nothing. like dead skin, no reaction. not to ice cream or rainbows or baby chickens. life foggy and uninteresting.
i love goslings again. i love their little webbed feet splayed over grass. i love good food and live music and long walks. i like puppies. i feel like some kind of my soul has been starved - i keep staring at everything with wide eyes, trying to burrow the sensation into my stomach. it's real. beauty is real. when it's bad again, remember this. i stop and smell the flowers, feeling cliche in the moment. i like the white-to-red ombre of my neighbor's roses. i like colorcoding and yoga and cold drinks. i try to pass my hands over every moment, feeling like i'm squeezing joy out of every instant. remember this. for the love of god, it's real - just remember this.
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littlestpersimmon · 1 year ago
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The last night of summer
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technically-human · 1 month ago
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Part two of the reverse verse is here! The reverse boys meet the original boys. They're not really getting along as well as I had hoped...
Again, this was a commission for @i-am-as-normal-as-you-are and they asked for angst/funny vibes... I think it's mostly just angst though. Oh, well...
Part one
#dead boy detectives#dbda#payneland#edwin x charles#reverse verse#there's a lot i could say about this one#the idea of someone telling edwin he's go to hell is absurd as it is#edwin telling edwin? lmao#the charles... oh they hate each other#reverse charles is angry (he always is) because this other version of himself was spared hell... in exchange for edwin going there?#obviously it doesn't work like that. og charles hadn't even been born when his edwin was sent to hell#but anger is not a rational thing. especially not for this boy#og charles? you don't want to know what he's thinking#i'm telling you anyways#he... kind of agrees. if someone had to go to hell#why edwin? why not him? there is an universe in which that happened#so why not this one? unfair#then again... look at this charles who did go to hell#he's explosive. he's DANGEROUS#he shouldn't be near edwin#if og charles had gone to hell would he be the same? would he be too angry to be trusted? would he be like his father?#and if so would that really count as saving edwin at all?#if this is the kind of best friend poor edwin would end up with?#on a happier note though#physical contact!! reverse charles loves it#i don't have all the details but his hell was on the rage ring so it was different to the dollhouse.#and it was a very violent place so boy loves gentle touches#luckily edwin is more willing to give them to him with each year#i think what the edwins are feeling is a lot more clear#but still would love to hear your thoughts
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itscassc · 11 months ago
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the way you talk to yourself matters too.
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mishaesque · 5 months ago
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PLEASE IS THERE SOME SORT OF RESEARCH INSTITUTE OUT THERE LOOKING INTO WHY CAS LOOKED SO SOFT IN S14/15
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enii · 7 months ago
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Today, I did everything for myself💕
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whatohitsonfirewelp · 7 months ago
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You know what? I don’t WANT an awkward double date. I don’t WANT buck coming out and people having the ‘I know’ reaction or the ‘is it Eddie’ reaction.
You know what I do want?
I want Buck panicking over what to wear for the date. I want Buck flopping on his bed like very teenager after their first kiss all giggly and happy and touching his lips because he kissed a boy
I want Buck smiling every time he says Tommy’s name because maybe it isn’t forever and maybe he’s not even looking for forever anymore but he’s so happy and he’s so light and being with Tommy feels good
I want Tommy to keep calling him Evan, because before Buck was Buck he was Evan and Evan deserves to be happy to be treated so softly and lovingly and Evan deserves to be free.
I want Buck to be happy. To be happy and free and queer in the way we all deserve.
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