#bc this just made mine 1000% better

[yuukei-yikes]

hope you dont mind me asking this but since you seem very knowledgeable about the fandom and all i thought it was suitable

why is there so much ship content between sato kido and kano?? are they not adoptive siblings?? theres even some in semi canon (i think) contents like in anthologies too,, i mean not surprised it exists since weird people are in every fandom but its talked so casually here

with momo and hibiya too actually! because of the huge age gap you would think it wouldn't be such a casual ship but it somehow is?? as far as i seen anyways

oh man lollll nah i dont mind. fair question and it's much better to have an answer to this

im putting it under the cut bc it turned out kinda long and into a rant, and also to warn i mention the themes suggested in the ask (incest, age gaps)

basically it's no secret that in japanese media, incest and age gaps are widely normalized even today so just imagine in 2013 when kagepro was at its peak.

back then, kido and kano specifically were a WIDELY popular ship. here's the thing with the weird kano and kido (and seto too but mainly kano and kido) shipping, aside from what i said abt normalized incest and shit. kano and kido (and seto) being siblings is actually... sort of a spoiler? it's not revealed early on.

kano and kido are presented as 2 kids the same age living together and having different names. and they purposefully stop acting like siblings. SO it doesnt register until you get into their backstories. they're both adopted into the same family when theyre like... 7 or 8, and were friends before becoming siblings so people were able to use this excuse: "OHHH THEYRE MORE CHILDHOOD FRIENDS"

but like..... they live together as siblings for YEARS and to be honest im sure 99% of people watch the song mvs FIRST which u can binge in 1 afternoon and if ur watching with any sort of actual interest and attention, you WILL see kano and kido as part of the tateyama family in ayano's theory of happiness. not to mention the anime came out in 2014 which im also sure 99% of kagepro fans have seen. so to me that was always an excuse if it came from a very dedicated fan though i do understand it if it's from a casual enjoyer, like they truly didn't catch that they're siblings

when i joined the fandom i was 13, didnt know eng or japanese, and thought mekatrio childhood friends made total sense for some good 6 months into the fandom until I realised properly. a few months ago, i discovered a very close friend of mine had a kagepro phase in 2014 or something and told me he really shipped kano and kido and when i told him they're siblings he was like WHAT!!!!!!!

and another thing abt kano and kido. they're indubitably the queerest characters. THEY LOOK THE FUCKING GAYEST. there is Something abt pushing the gay characters together?? kido is constantly mistaked for a guy. kano the poor thing had ANOTHER popular ship going for him with ayano because people decided he is that way to shintaro because he actually had a crush on ayano. yeah. this was the fucking consensus with kano, shintaro and ayano. like i mentioned i DONT KNOW japanese and only ever read the translations of the novels and i also dont Know what jin was thinking when writing kano and shintaro. But. dear lord it reads fucking homosexual my dude. jin does this by accident a lot though. look at kido and momo. momo calling kido beautiful 1000 times but she's like Well as a woman i am jealous i wish i was that pretty. bruuuh ok anyways moving on Ill GET to jin again in a second.

like you said, semi official stuff like the anthologies are very heavy on this ship and also.... sorry, the manga which is an official media. is Heavily into this ship. for jin's stance on it, i am not sure. i do think he laughs it off but he NEVER intended to write them that way. in the seventh novel theres a whole bit where kido's telling kano you shouldve never hidden this from me im your sister we are family. even shintaro who is the pov ur reading from is like wow what a nice brother and sister AND THATS THE SECOND TO LAST NOVEL WHICH BY THEN THE SHIP WAS SUPER POPULAR SO TO ME THAT WAS JIN'S WAY OF REMINDING EVERYONE THEYRE SIBLINGS. personally i think jin truthfully intended to write kano and kido as siblings but doesnt care people ship them otherwise he wouldnt have had the manga written by someone who shipped them

so basically what happened. kagepro was confusing and people sometimes missed they are siblings. in japanese media its super normalized. it is 2013 so here it is also normalized in fandom spaces. fanart ensues, even official or semi official content teases it, and yeah. boom its popular

another big part of it was, EVERYONE GETS A PARTNER!!!! kagepro content has A LOT of Shipping Pieces if that makes sense. idk what to call it but like god, pixiv entries with 1 shinaya, 1 harutaka, 1 setomary.... and 1 hibiya and momo and 1 kano and kido. god awful. if any golden year kagepro fans follow me they will KNOW what im talking about.

now that i mentioned it. hibiya and momo. ough. idk man. people were properly weird with this one. because with kano and kido they at least made up a damn excuse. with hibiya and momo there was nothing. but the thing is, jin is entirely to blame here. absolutely fucking disgusting bro. unlike with kano and kido, with hibiya and momo he actively wrote it. in the third novel their chapters together or any of hibiya's chapters are actual fucking torture to read. i wont go into details if u havent read it but like there are Reasons i never recommend kagepro to people.

its good to give jin proper respect he IS the creator of my favorite characters ever in the whole wide world and the writer of the story that makes me the happiest ever in the history of life. but. that doesn't mean i dont hold him accountable for being weird as hell in his writing because he absolutely is

back in the early days of this blog i had my very own Gets Send Deaths Threats arc by some people who shipped these guys or people who were mad i criticized jin (i always suspected it was like. the same 1 or 2 people. with a lot of time in their hands) soooo honestly answering this activated my fight of flight a little bit but tbh i havent seen Any content here on tumblr (i do have everything blacklisted to hell and back) or gotten ANY rude messages here in years, so i think we're good👍

hope this was helpful and i hope ur not grossed out of kagepro though I'd understand. u kinda need a strong stomach not only for its themes but sadly kagepro does the gross anime thing animes do :(

[hyukalyptus]

body worship. my favourite. im writing a fic with it so I didn't start with directly "Can I worship your body". I paced it slowly (2000+ words and they aren't even making out). the guy is dom, the reader is sub according to the dynamic but I made it unclear with reader topping him. but there is no sub-dom dynamics in mine. I went with feelings, and made it really unusual for the couple who are wild. the guy is patient, is examining every move reader makes on him. they aren't drunk (because of the slow pace I just added like wdym 2000 words and not yet MAKING OUT?). so feelings and then observing what the one who worships is the thing I'm going on at. kissing ever part of body, eventually praising can give it away they are worshipping for me. and my initial plan is, to give the guy a bj, top him while riding him and then keep on complimenting him. and at last, when he asks "what with you being so touchy and lovey," evading the question, again caressing hair or lips, I want the reader to say, "I wanna worship you, lay down." that all of the worship she has done until is NOT WORSHIP. but giving guy a boost of confidence after this and blah blah and can make it body worship.

honestly, I have no idea how sex feels, let alone body worship when I'm really insecure with body stuff. and this is just what I think hp. yours cab be different and so can mine. so I thought to tell all my feelings about it. sorry if I seem rude.

okay yessss literally 2000 words and they’re not even making out yet?? EEEEEE that’s what i need. pls tag me when/if you post it <3 id love to check it out.

also not rude at all! i love it when my readers send me stuff like this. makes me so happy :,)

BUT ANON YHE “WHATS WITH YKU BEING SO TOUCHY” OMFGGGG that would so be perfect for what im writing. fits their dynamic 1000% but i don’t wanna just blatantly copy u.

i do think i’ll probably do more inner monologue vibes, him thinking about and observing every little detail about her body. i think it’ll also be good bc you KNOW im writing chubby!oc so that’ll be a nice place to talk about her chubby body ehehehe.

and i’m sorry you’re insecure with body stuff. i used to be (and still am a little bit) super insecure about sex, but it’s gotten soooo much better. lmk if you ever wanna talk about it <3

[1eos]

man im sorry your family wont get off your ass its literally the most frustrating thing of all time like its not your life leave me alone tf??? youve already made it clear your reasoning behind your decision and that you arent straying from it so they should just let it go idc if they think its a mistake or not something they would chose and xyz is better like thats not their choice to live with so it doesnt even matter cause its not like they will be paying for it... odk why people do this shit either its so stupid like my fam got mad at me and tried to talk me out of a haircut i wanted AND PAID FOR MYSELF bc i went from really long to a pixie and i was like oh sorry didnt know this was the community hair we all share my bad i figured since it grew from MY HEAD that it was mine and mine alone

thank you 🥰 AND THANK YOU!!!!! its so frustrating and so uhhhh circular? like family will complain and complain and want to change your opinion on everything but then complain if you can't make your own decisions. how abt you shut the hell up? esp bc its always shit like 'im scared you're gonna regret it' so you don't think i will regret YOU 🫵🏾 telling me what to do??????? and the car debacle pisses me off bc no one is trying to pay a $1000 a month car note. and its funny that ive driven other ppls hand-me-downs and no one cared abt what i ~like~ in a car. like do u think i fucking LIKED the 12 year old car with bad ac? bitch i just adapted 😭😭😭😭

and dont even get me started on hair. your body really is public property in families and its fucking sick. like if you wanna chop all your hair off that's your goddamn right! and its not like haircuts are permanent. none of this shit is the end of the world. i'd rather have a haircut i didnt like for a month than live under the thumb of my parents and you can slap on a wig and boom problem solved. I HATE THE FAMILY STRUCTUREEEEEE NO ONE RESPECTS THE AUTONOMY OF THE YOUNGEST GENERATIONNNNNNNN

[icharchivist]

i completely relate to your feelings for the ff7 remake. its so crushing when you love something and then the remake/sequel/whatever carries its name but butchers the themes so thoroughly that you feel like they didnt understand what made the original so great to begin with. it just feels like a lazy cash grab. looking at every disney remake specifically. or i love this manga that has been going for 1000+ chapters and i wish it would end. i love it dearly its so nostalgic and it was like the first manga i ever read but the characters have become 2d caricatures of themselves and have lost their personality and it just kind of makes me sad. and i agree that a choice like killing aerith hurts because you love the character but it was meaningful and gave characters depth and raised the stakes and just not doing it in the remake because shes so beloved is missing the entire point. i just completely get it and while im not that attached to ff i completely get how youre feeling and why youre so annoyed. it looks great but whats the point if the story doesnt match? themes are so so important and your explanation of how ff7 is about the conflict between nature and industrialization and how aerith represents the planet itself sort of makes a lot of sense. its a really deep story with a lot of thought put into it and her death is so symbolic and important to the story itself. yes shes adorable and beloved but killing her feels like the only right move. its so integral. so yeah jail for square enix for disguising their fanfic sequel as a remake. jail for 1000 years.

aaah nonny thank you 😭💞

while i'm sad the feeling is all too well known it is reassuring at least to find people who relate to it, so thank you for sharing that thought.

the Disney remakes are also a huge pet peeve of mine in term of missing themes or fixing things that don't need to be fixed, but honestly i've given up caring about them at least, and the original always still stand very well on its own even now that it's just *shrugs* whatever yknow, if some people want to connect with the remakes so be it.

for the ff7 remake it irks me a little more since i know people tend to not like getting into older games in general. and with 7 having had many entries to the saga, the original game clashed in gameplay and designs, which threw a lot of people off from playing it.

And it's wild bc i can't exactly call the remake lazy, the amount of work is seen everywhere, but it does feel extremely cynical. Like idk the moment you bring a meta textual level criticizing the fans for wanting to keep the story like it was before, it ends up feeling personal rather than an actual thoughtful approach on the story.

As for like, super long sequels that ends up ruining the spirit of the original, gooood yeah. sometimes it's good when a series can properly end. Fans can do the "keeping the story alive" part just fine we don't need to milk it until the characters are no longer enjoyable...

I am also glad that my POV on Aerith's death and its thematical importance makes sense to you also 🥺 It's a death i feel strongly about because it's genuinely way better done than people give it credit for and i've seen too many takes missing the point that it's something i've been ruminating about for years. (i've read takes about how it's fridging women again for Cloud's manpain and it irks me a lot bc this is not what fridging is and while yeah Cloud suffers from it since yknow, he's the protagonist so we follow his own journey through pain - it's not about Cloud, not just about him anyway. There was also how in ff15 Lunafreya's death was compared to Aerith's by the lead developer and to me it really gives the perfect counter example on how meaningful Aerith's death was to ff7 if you compare it in details to Luna's.)

and of course Aerith is fantastic and i wish, on an emotional level, for her to be alive, but it's not the narratively satisfying ending imo, and any scenario where she doesn't die undo most of the story moving forward.

and honestly it's just. idk kinda sad, that they took back the original dev team from ff7 for this remake, and yet they went into this direction. I do remember that there were tons of interviews about doing right to the fans and honoring the characters the fans came to love so much (it was especially a Kitase's interview where he was especially talking about Sephiroth and Zack, two characters who shouldn't have appeared in the remake at the time, and that i found extremely noticeable bc i have an interview of Kitase in a magazine dating from 2015 where he mentions how much he was always pissed off by Zack's popularity and didn't understand why fans loved him so much.). And so it's like. is it really just fanservice for the sake of fanservice, wanting so much to please the fans you ignore the themes you put in the game? or were all of the themes genuinely accidental??? or the fact it was 25 years ago means it's too far away for them to be remembered as such??

Ad i do think it's even sadder considering how relevant the OG's themes are to our modern days in general.

So yeah, i'm sad the remake went in such a different direction, i feel a bit cheated, but especially i'm bewildered how much it betrays the original themes more than just being different yknow? like i said with the whole "the whole game was about coping with the denial that makes you rewrite your own life and be easily manipulable as a result, so why make the whole remake about "let's rewrite this timeline actually""

but HELP yeah that's definitely a fanfic alright *mumbles* and i've read better ones.

jail!!! jail for a thousand years!!!!!

thank you for your understanding nonny <3333

[taintedlxve]

Wild that this was posted when I wasn't around to defend myself. Apologies to the person who sent me this I feel like they were trying to reassure me but all it did was make me mad lol.

Anyways, I'm mentally ill and reading this shit kind of fucked up my day and since I just can't let shit go without correcting the record I'm just gonna go over some things rq and go back to my hiatus. You don't gotta read, but I was called a liar repeatedly and I'm not gonna let that sit.

A lot of Awoo's post screams out to me as "i'm taking accountability but not really" and I just want to point out places where I feel she's being disengenuous and go back to my hiatus bc I had a good vibe going until now lmao.

I'm skipping the really long explanation about why she never followed me, frankly as I've said before my problems with her extend past that entirely and at this point I don't think it matters that much.

I'll just say this, we had a private conversation in which I made it expressly clear it was okay to come to me about something if she felt she had a problem the LAST time she blocked me for no reason (to be clear to this day I don't know what the hell I was supposed to be sorry for?) after I decided to just unfollow her from her breedingacademy sideblog bc she was replying to other folks' stuff and seemed to just ignore mine. She apologized for this and said she'd do better and I believed her. This, primarily, why I didn't reach out at first.

Further in the post she mentions the vent I wrote that was, in fact, 1000% about her. Ngl I forgot I even wrote it and was surprised by how recently it was. I dunno if I'm really sorry about what I said, it's how I felt at the time and just given the context of how I've allowed you to treat me I simply don't trust you like that anymore.

To be clear I had a LOT of dropped threads at the time or wasn't getting responses at all and that was actively fucking with me and making me wanna quit entirely, but Awoo's behavior stuck with me bc she was one of the few whose responses flooded my dash and I just wouldn't be included. Not saying she's lying but frankly frankly even if it was true Idk what to tell you cause that wasn't the reason she gave at the time.

You very much did say "it's nobody's fault" and "my brain works differently" since you're accusing me of malicously taking you out of context and/or misremembering, but unfortunately I can't access the reply in the image attached bc it's been removed. I'll link it here, maybe something's fucky with my tumblr, I thought it might have been from the blog she ended up deleting but nah it takes me back to her current so -shrug-.

To go into further explanation about what she said (bc obviously I wasn't going to commit a post to photgraphic memory in a vent post) it was something to the effect of "sorry, that's just not how my brain works. once you tell me you're tired of something my brain just labels it as 'avoid at all costs'. It's nobody's fault but…" etc. etc.

She mentions she's autistic, which, I know?? She's mentioned it several times over the last 10 years. Most of my friends are neurodivergent with needs unmet. I'm autistic and soon to be tested for ADHD with needs unmet. I understand that life and socialization is extremely difficult for neurodivergent people.

My partner literally has avpd but she understands that ignoring people bc they make her anxious hurts those people and she takes steps to do what she's able to to circumvent those obstacles bc she cares about those people. I'm really over this self-infantilization people leap to to avoid being criticized the negatives things done because of their neurodivergence. Reminds me of when Sara would beef with everyone on dash and say 'Oh it's my depression'.

And it's not like you were unable to communicate. When I said I was playing fem!Izuku is like the ONLY time I've ever had you reach out to me in my DMs unprompted

Sure, maybe I missed the point of your callout post, whatever, but the point of my message was literally all I've ever asked of you was like, to talk to me and you blocked me without communicating again. The diff is I'm just over being gaslit into being nice and feeling like it's my fault.

You trying to push the responsibility back onto me with a "Oh well she never asked if she had a problem with me" in spite of the fact that I went SO far out of my way to accommodate you to the point of giving you different Cyr icons bc you were squicked out by hair covering eyes just puts the nastiest fucking taste in my mouth and it makes me mad tbh.

I cannot stress how much I'm always the one people expect to make the first move and how sick of it I am, that's why I didn't come to you. I'm not a 'coward', I just was done bowing and scraping for people who didn't like me.

If you cared, you had my discord, and it wasn't like I blocked you first. You had ways of contacting me, and you didn't. So the rigamarole of you 'being worried for me' just doesn't pass my smell test, sorry.

Maybe it does make me hypocrite to smell bs when I see it but it definitely doesn't make me gullible.

The rest is just her demanding an apology from me (nah, you first bitch) but, and I wanna be explicitly clear, the feeling is very mutual, I want nothing to do with this chick.

I wanna be very clear that the end result of this was never to rebuild a friendship with Awoo bc again, once she blocked me I realized this wasn't even the bulk of my problem with her, it was the last straw.

I'm don't wanna be friends with someone who publically calls me me disengenuous and makes me feel so bad I end up apologizing.

Or, again, someone who blocks me when I just say "oh, this person doesn't seem to want to interact on this sideblog so I'll just unfollow"

Maybe you're not like that anymore, or your neurodivergence makes you that way, but I just don't want people like that in my life anymore, and I'm done letting people make me feel small for standing up for myself.

I'll cop to calling you a bad person and saying you hate me bc a lot of that was me being in my feelings and I'm not a mind reader, nor do I know you well enough outside of the internet to make these claims.

But as much as you've tried to victimize yourself I 1000% stand by what I said before, I hope you don't treat you muts as shitty as you treated me.

Thank you for confirming tho that you're not sorry I think helps to know

[krunchylegs]

vent :( (tw: 3d)

i feel so gross rn

i ate over 1000 calories and i tried making up for it a little bit by burning off calories (burned 402) but that left only a little over 1000 still, but it gets worse bc idek why i did this but i had some chocolate and even then i went back to the kitchen and ate toast with cream cheese and sliced ham, tomorrow im going to restrict more and try burn more calories by walking (my watch tracks it), on the upside tho tomorrow is a new day and i dont think i went over my limit (1500cals), but even so i try stick around 800cals per day bc its whats easy for me atm (planning to restrict bit by bit but im going easy on myself since ive gotten used to eating whenever i want bc of summer).

i will get over this and i will do better tomorrow, i have to, for myself this is what i need to do. its my choice and i need to stick with that

also the reason i ate so much was bc i made brownies for my family and i ate some, i was meaning not to, im going to bake again soon and my willpower will be stronger next time. i have my safe foods in my room (obvi ones that dont need the fridge) so there will be NO NEED for me to eat anything i bake. i do enjoy baking and guiltily i do enjoy the idea of feeding my family sweet treats while i nibble at my safe food, might take a bite or something so its not weird but i dont want to be the bigger sibling anymore i fucking hate it, i dont want to be the 'normal' sized one when compared to my sister whos skinnier than me. i wanna be the skinny one, idec if thats selfish its just the truth. its so confusing too, she (my sister) says she wants to put on weight, go the the gym and gain muscle or whatever but i just wanna be thin (trying to avoid being skinnyfat obviously :/) but genuinely its so frustrating it feels like ive been stuck in a body that isnt mine, even if im not described as fat im not described as being skinny and it literally upsets me, as childish as it sounds idrc, and this is literally the ONLY way i can even share these thoughts, if anyone knew how i felt theyd think im stupid or weird, probably try tell me i dont need to change how i look, but i NEED to take control, i am sick and tired of being the way i am, i miss having my child body, i miss it so fucking much, i dont know if its because im trans(ftm) or if its because i used to be super skinny as a kid, beautiful legs that i was complimented on and i enjoyed the fact my ribs were visible, but as soon as puberty hit it all went downhill, in locker rooms people would comment that i was skinny and i liked it but that seemed to happen less and less, like have i gotten fat now?? does everyone think im chubby???? maybe im fucking fat and i dont even see it im gonna cry, jesus christ i fucking hate everything.

it makes it so much worse when my sister calls me fat, ik i just said that no one calls me fat but its weird. my sister calls me fat to make me upset, she usually tells me that during arguments, its made me cry so much. like example: i was on holiday recently with my family (dad, mum, sister, me) we were unloading our stuff from the car and my dad told me to put away the food and during the drive my sister and i were arguing the whole time, and when my sister saw me sorting out the food she said "of course youre at the food, fucking fatass" and i literally had to point out to my parents that she was making fun of me literally in front of them, like yeah my mum was all like "dont say that" to her but that doesnt fucking do anything, and my sister just kept going, and my dad had to step in and tell her to stfu and said that if anything i was underweight, but it felt like such a fat lie, especially when my sister IS skinnier than me, it really drives me crazy but at the same time its almost motivating, like i just wanna be sick, i wanna be sickly thin and gross to look at, i miss how i felt when i was skinny, when my legs were so skinny, i miss the compliments i got on my skinny body, for a while i believed i could never get that back but now ik its possible to be skinny again i just need to keep it up, ik i can be super skinny again and i WILL BE, i HAVE to be, theres no other option for me i need it more than anything, i dont care about anything else atm i just want to be thin

[dilemind]

Lil update: we fought yesterday over sth stupid and he made a big thing out of it and I couldn’t understand and was kinda like wtf? But he was hurt because that little thing made him feel like my feelings for him got less.. we talked about an idea he had but I changed my mind now and now he thinks it’s because I don’t love him as much anymore. That’s what made it so big and since I didn’t show much compassion cuz I didn’t understand why it’s such a big deal, it got worse and he said let’s just break up and fuck the meeting, fuck everything, he doesn’t want to be with someone like me since I don’t care anyway so why should he care. He is always saying how he loves me more and he thinks that I don’t really love him. So he actually doesn’t want to break up fr but he blocked me now. Everywhere except tiktok. I said sorry on tiktok and asked if he could unblock me and he saw it but idk if he did it bc I can’t really see until I try to text. Idk if I should do it rn tho. He’s right about his feelings being stronger than mine. I’m still not fully sure but he is 1000%. I thought maybe when we meet the feelings get stronger and I’ll be more sure but I also felt like maybe I shouldn’t go there. 1. because it’s so far and I’m not like so in love that I’d be 100% sure it would be worth it? Even tho it sounds so bad.. but I’m kinda scared the meeting won’t go well. 2. I’d have to lie to my parents and do everything secretly. 3. We were talking about intimacy a lot so idk if something will happen and if so I’m scared of the „consequences“. Like was I pressuring myself and regret it after? Will I be able to look my parents in the eyes? What if we break up? I only wanted this with the love of my life that I’ll be with and marry, what if it’s not him? And when nothing like this happens, how will the meeting go? What would he think? I’m gonna be with him for a week in a different country.. will it be bad and awkward? Will he be hurt again, thinking he’s not good enough for me since it’s our first meeting and he is always saying that I’m way out of his league and I might not want him after seeing him in real life. Tbh he wasn’t my type but his personality made him so much more handsome in my eyes.. his personality and the way he treats me is really out of this world. It’s rare to find someone like that in this generation. But yea he’s insecure about his looks and he even lost weight and everything only for me, so he would be „better for me“. Idk what to do. We haven’t been talking since yesterday after the argument and idk if I should call and talk and try to win him back or if I should restrain myself from him now so I won’t hurt him and also myself anymore (we had almost broken up before and I did other things that hurt him, not intentionally but things that made him feel unloved and like I don’t care about him enough) And since I’m Muslim and he’s not, it would bring so many problems in the future with my family. So I always have this in my head too. Always thinking maybe this is wrong.. I’m not sure if I should try and meet him or just stop and forget it.. Do you still think I should meet him? Btw I already bought the tickets but I mean if I don’t go then I don’t go, I’m not gonna go only for that reason, it’s not about the money. I’m so lost rn.. I think it’s because it’s soo soon. So I need to decide quickly but I feel like maybe I needed more time, that’s why. We don’t know eachother for thaat long. Sorry for the super long text!..~

In your message before, you gave me the impression that you were worried the meeting wouldn't go well. Now, I believe you may not love him... you just like him a lot. Sure, the physical aspect is a big factor in loving someone, but especially in the early months, there is alwayssss a strong attraction. You might want to keep him in your life because he's good to you, but that doesn't mean you're truly in love. I understand that you're overthinking important things; especially when it comes to your parents & intimacy. Don't let him influence you. If you're not interested in intimacy with him, be clear about it from the start and don’t give him any false hopes. If you're soooo unsure, it might be best to end things. You just like him because he treats you well, and you’re worried you’ll never meet anyone like him again. And IF you decide to see him, communicate your boundaries clearly beforehand, so you won’t have any regrets!

[lynbaccha]

Before I go into details of my own experience, I want to say this;

DO NOT HARASS ANY PERSON MENTIONED IN THIS THING, CAPISHE?!

Idk how relevant it is, but I have a bad experience with the same user. Sure, I wasn't involved with anything in Per Aspera's creating process, never wanted to either as it wasn't my co-project. But I tried to talk to Lance and befriend him. His art was cool to me, and we created our then similar OC's around the same time (Koranus, who was originally evil little bitchboi and my still evil Umbra, whom I really need to use more.)

But me being a fan of Lance's work started with his Dewther-comic, Fade. I even bought it, bc I couldn't wait until Valentine's to see what would happen. And since I found out they were from Finland too, I followed Lance. And he followed me back.

Basically, it was saying stuff in an empty cave and cave answered. Our interactions felt so empty. Despite me trying to ask about Koranus, who I saw as an interesting character, and me dancing around with Lance's dislike towards heteroships - despite one of the main ships I focused were (and still are) Terzo/Omega/and my OC Freya. I know that I mentioned this, because I showed him mine and my good friends OC, Ursa, who's Omega's and Freya's daughter.

I also have hunch what concert we are talking about, and I'm still a bit salty. Basically, I asked Lance can I tag along with their group, bc I was there too, and I wanted to meet fellow ghesties. I asked three times, which I unfortunately can't prove, because I deleted my Twitter before all what was described above went nuclear, and we talked in there before Lance deleted his own. Basically, despite him saying he would ask, he didn't say yes or no to me. And I just found put from Ruska that it was supposed to be a gentle no... But I never got an answer.

Which, honestly, even no could have been 1000 times better than leave hanging.

Also, according to Lance, he himself couldn't manage to arrange it, and that "this child isn't spoiled with brain cells", or something like that, but in Finnish. Of that, I have a screenshot, but it's in Finnish, so idk should I post it here. And Lance apologized only when I reached him almost month after the said concert.

I stopped talking to him directly on around August, because I never felt welcomed in his DM's. And some time after The Thing happened, I unfollowed all the three blogs - Per Aspera, Lance's and Fay's, and I figured out that I would just leave them be. The story itself isn't bad, and I'm all for LGBTQ+-voices to be heard in creative spaces, I just couldn't support the project myself.

I could have blocked him, sure, but... It was a bit complicated matter

I was originally part The Infestissunam-zine, and I was supposed to do a piece for Monstrance Clock. However, my mental health was shitty all last year, so I shouldn't have continued in the zine as long as I did. I was thinking about leaving long and hard...

Lance was one of the mods. And while I was scrolling through "ghoul kits"-tag I noticed something was missing.

One of the Per Aspera posts. About what Koru and Astra looked like as kits.

After doing some research, I found out they both have blocked me from their personal blogs and from Per Aspera. And I was already thinking of leaving, I contacted the other mod and cited my mental health as a reason. However, there could be a possibility that Lance blocking me, and apparently some others, was made known by a third person.

But you unfollowed Lance, why are you so upset about that? Again, Lance was a mod in the zine I was a part of, blocking him wouldn't have made sense. And since Lance didn't spend much time on the server - I think he had one message in total in there before I left, but I might remember wrong - and since his Twitter was long gone by then, I could have only reached hin from Tumblr, as far as I'm aware, if I ever needed his help.

So, uh... That's my experience with this user. And it honestly made me feel a bit like an outsider even in here - I felt very ignored in the last fandom I was in, I was thinking that maybe my approach is wrong.

But, perhaps all the fault wasn't on me? The more these things come to light, the more it feels like that.

So yeah... That's my experience with this user.

why did you guys stop talking to lance and frey

after being ghosted for several weeks and then blocked, we couldn't. the one who wasn't immediately blocked had a few more days, most likely because his place was the bed and shower for a concert, and was then informed that "some friendships aren't built to last" before he was also blocked

he had a point, tbh, because you can't have a friendship with anyone when you push people away and don't communicate with them. one of them didn't say a word to anyone and let the other speak for him.

and the saddest part? it was over the stories and art, for the sandbox we were playing in together to be theirs and theirs alone. they seemed to not want our ideas filthying the pool of theirs. we went from a lively gc to a dead one that felt like we couldn't participate in without bothering them, then a truly dead one when they left.

i can't speak for the others, but i liked seeing their work. it was exciting watching the story change over time because they were my friends and i got to see something they made come to life, and they wanted me to see! do you know what it's like to be allowed behind an artist's creative process, to know that you're trusted enough to see the incomplete work? i loved hyping them up, because they were my friends and i loved giving them the support they deserved.

and they wondered to us about how hard it was to make friends. i really fucking wonder why, with this trail of dead friendships one has left behind, all with the same story as ours. the distancing, the latching on to someone new and shiny, the inevitable blocking because you're not good enough anymore.

if I sound angry, it's because i still am. i'm angry because lost two friends and watched two more struggle to cope with the devastation left in their wake. i'm angry because my stupid brain still makes me wonder if i could have done anything differently when i know they don't deserve a shred of my affection.

they're terrible people, and that's why we don't talk anymore

[daphuu]

Dude your tags on posts make me laugh so much sometimes, I fucking love them, never change you awesome being

Omg thanks, friend!!! Most of them are just me forgetting to breathe because I’ve been laughing too hard and then my fingers kinda just do their own thing slfhaljfkdlsd hahaha

Thanks for this moment of kindness! You’re too sweet 💜 I didn’t know if anyone ever actually read my tags, so thanks so much for sending me this! Stay awesome!!! I hope you’re having a wonderful week, anon! 💜☺️💜

[titsthedamnseason]

finished acofas

[microwaved-toast]

Legit SO fucking true. And it only got WORSE with time. The only reason I even WANT it to stay *UP* is because 1. 10-50 friends aka the few ppl who havent left and are still actively posting are on there, and unlike most of my followers that are still on there, they actually care and 2. i want my studios (specifically Vocaronpa) to stay up because me n vinnie worked (and are STILL working) *SUPER* hard on that studio and, if it shuts down, we'll lose a lot of image & idea storage as well as comics we made and all our hard work and the time we have spent working on that studio. The only GOOD management they've done is banning Leafy, but she(??? their friend who actually HELPED kept reffering to them as she, so im assuming their pronouns are she/her) who got unbanned for like a month but never came back. Oka got banned for a WEEK for "riling up" a fucking whiny AL kid because of a mature JOKE in the DESCRIPTION of a COPYPASTA COMIC???? that was PART of that copypasta????? like omg. and cloudyy got all her comics removed and got her alt and herself banned because (and she DMed me this when I asked her) "I was told if I type in a banned users name and a random password i could see how long they are banned for, so then a bot banned me for ban evasion" ??? fucking ass moderation smh. syrup does NOTHING abt this site's shit, Kaz and Jay get away with *EVERYTHING* (and i *MEAN* ***EVERYTHING......***) and, most of the time, people ignore others' vents and posts in general and only seem to care abt themselves. had a "friend" block me bc of the Jay drama and block my alt when I tried to *calmly* ask if we could talk it out. theyre going on the DNI list with leafy n maki <333

CS users & former users. Bash me for this opinion as much as you want, but I agree with Oka 100% now. There's vents almost every day. If you need to vent to someone, don't do it on a site that doesn't give a FUCK abt u. ask someone who truly cares abt you (and you truly love &, platonically or romantically, care abt them) if you can vent to them. keep in mind if theyre in a bad position and aren't feeling good themselves, they may say no. try to comfort them if you can. and if you feel and/or don't have anyone who cares abt you, family, friend, or even teacher/an actually GOOD counselor/therapist that wont tell your parents everything and respects most, if not all, of your views and positions in certain areas even if you don't agree with them, ask someone who comforts others if you can vent to them! it could be on a vent pinterest pin where others are venting & being comforted in return, or as an anonymous tumblr ask!! just make sure to put TWs if the person is sensitive to certain topics, and, if its in a ask and ur an anon, link the previous ask you asked if you could vent in! you can *always* vent in my asks (and/or dms if ur a moot of mine) if you need <3333

tldr - CS sucks ass and even twit (not calling it X, i refuse. that shit sounds like ripoff onlyfans lmao. fuck musky <3333) is better than it imo. Oka, Tammy, Marz, Mikn, and ABG? 1000% right abt that site. wish i could quit if it wasnt so addictive and i wouldnt lose my irl and/or bestie westies n pookies who only have cs to communicate w/ me and others :(((( the only time i even 50/50 enjoy being on there is under a secret acc. not even as args bc i like never get recognized most of the time under those atp :( im sososo srry for everything thats happened to u, me, n others + moots on that site abg :((( hope ur doing ok!!!

but yea pookie wookies um i platonically luvluvLUVVVVVVV u all!!!! byebyeeeeeee!!!!!!!! stay crrrrunchyyyyyy !!! <333 mmmmmmmwah!!! <33333333

Comic Studio is a hellhole, and ive been saying this for a year now,

I get banned for trying to defend my post from criticism. It might seem that i escalated it, but no, i didnt. I simply hit back from the backhanded insults i got. But, the bigger creator gets away scotfree. And thats just how cs runs. and its not fair, whatsoever. You just have to get lucky. People who make actually good content are just left in the dust, and 10% of the time they get actually recognised.

And, i know i did some fucked up shit, and i apologise. But. You cant just make fun of me and try to ridicule me and even tell me to fucking KILL MYSELF or make jokes about DOXXING ME, someones even GOT MY FUCKING IP. Its incredibly unfair. I checked up on the site and someone who is a severe harrasser and a transphobe got banned for a MONTH. Im banned PERMANENTLY. How is that fair in the slightest?? Its really just a hivemind to be honest.

Think back to this post too.

[hogwartzlou]

ST. LOUIS RECAP (DONNY JERSEY) -AKA THE MOST AMAZING NIGHT EVER

Honestly this is just for me, Literally nobody asked for this so if you don’t want to read it that’s fine! but I need to write this down for my own sake bc Louis actually fucking talked to me during a concert and I need to remember it.

When it was happening I was genuinely like so calm (looking back it was 1000% just me being completely shocked at that moment)

- - -

Some people have asked where I got it, I’ve had the Donny jersey for 7 years now, only worn it like once. I brought it to my OTRA show, but other than that it’s been just in my closet.

I was hoping to be close to the stage for this show so I figured might as well try to get his attention because as we know he loves Doncaster.

I didn’t want to be like super obnoxious holding it up the whole time so I waited for when he wasn’t singing and wasn’t like gushing about how much he loves us.

The moment he noticed it I was just like “OMFG IT WORKED” and then he said to pass it up and at the time I swear the people around me were more excited because my mind was just not caught up yet.

I literally spent the next song just in complete awe like my brain was just like not processing, like I had hoped he would sign it but the fact that it actually happened the way it did!?!?! DEAD

I literally spent the rest of the concert just like checking to see if I could see it on the stage with the other things people had thrown, but I think it was like immediately taken by security or Louis’ team bc they left before the encore and I was talking to the people around me and was like “He better be bringing my jersey back out”

I didn’t get it back til after the show. Louis left the stage and I was chatting with the people around me about it and then a group of people right by the barricade/stage door and were like “who had the jersey” and I was like “ME” and got my ass over there.

Some security guy was like “wait here” he came back like a minute later tops with the jersey and said “is this really yours?” And I was like “yes it is I promise it’s mine” and then”how excited are you?” I just said “I’m so excited omg” and then he gave it to me.

Ppl immediately started asking about it and like asked if they could touch it. And as I was walking out some people would notice the jersey and asked if he had signed it.

Honestly it didn’t hit me how big it was until I got back home and literally watched like the one video of it I could find.

And here are my thoughts about it now a couple days later and watching the video again and again

“She’s got a Donny shirt!” -AKA The literal moment I went into shock! HE SAW IT!

“Now I’m not being funny, but it’s been a while since I’ve seen a Donny shirt.” -Honestly idek, like he was still talking to me??? WHAT?!? Also just so happy that I did something kinda like outta the box?? (If you see more Donny jerseys pop up on tour you know why)

“So I’d rate that, I rate that” WTF I mean I know it means he loved it, but also like what????? AHHH

“…Pass it up this way, I’ll sign it” THE LITERAL MOMENT I DIED. ALSO THE WAY HE STARTED TO WALK AWAY THEN CAME BACK?!?!?! Just like so casually?!?!?! Like he hadn’t just like made my dream come true?!!?!

“I’ll do it at some point. I’ve got a show to do” I didn’t even know he said this bc as I have said a million times already I was just so shocked.

I got the shirt literally like 2 minutes after he got off stage so like it was like the FIRST THING he did which is just OMFG DEAD ALL OVER AGAIN

I genuinely can’t believe this happened still, I am just so over the moon about it and I just can’t even.

[taeilskitty]

I’m living for daddy Johnny in your most recent post 😭😭 dom Johnny just does things to me 🤧 and omg omg omg okay I’ve been saying this forever: doyoung is the type of dom to be like “your p**ssy/c**k is mine and no one else’s, don’t you dare try to touch yourself” kinda thing?? And kun- OH MY GOD KUNNNNN- this man is 100% a daddy dom who would just spank you as a punishment and calmly tell you “I know it hurts baby, but you shouldn’t have disobeyed me, hm? Now count.” And randomly place kisses on your thighs n ass while he spanks you 🤧 (newer anon jiji🌱) (you don’t have to post this I just want you to know your stories are 1000/10 😭)

omg omg omg thank you so much!!! you're so sweet, i'm over the moon that you enjoy my writing :DDD

johnny hurts the best of us i think, he's such a sweetheart but there's something about dom johnny that sends me reeling too tbh -- i have such a bad size kink and i'm just like... he's so tall compared to me personally so the thought of being in his lap with him towering over ?? wow. even if you're tall i feel like his whole demeanour could just make you feel so small and pathetic. the way he talks down and patronises you aw :( it's just. so pretty

but pls you're so RIGHT about dy... like imagine being caught touching by doyoung and he's all "baby? what do you think you're doing? you know only daddy can touch you like that" ohohoh fuck you'd be in for it??!?!?! do you think hes into pussy/cock slapping... after being caught he ties your hands behind your back n gives light slaps to make you squirm before he touches you ahhh<33

i'm honestly gonna SCREAM kun does things to me and lemme tell you you've just made it better worse... i bet he leaves lil bite marks where he spanked you too bc he knows the redness will fade after a while so he wants to mark you up as a reminder that stays there just a little longer. he's 10000% into possession markers like... he'd arguably be one of the best doms/cgs in nct because he just knows how to handle a brat i think - i mean, he is the leader of wayv, and they're all clearly a handful. so i truly don't think having another slut on his hands is gonna faze him at all..

i cant tell you how happy it makes me that you like my posts omg, i'm so excited to have an anon with a name too eeek!! i saw your first req btw and just want to let you know i am in the midst of writing it so don't worry, it's coming!! <33

[kiss4kazu]

ooh! can i request something spicy?? maybe headcanons of claude, dimitri, and felix’s kinks?

spicy hcs | dimitri, felix, claude

this is combo between just kink hcs and also how first times being freaky w these three go hahhahahahhahah screams. this is not safe for kiddos so proceed with caution folks 

felix <3 

whew, okay. sweats. um 

so the first time u and felix do the do was definitely not planned. things tend to escalate a lot with felix when it comes to intimacy. pecks goodnight lead up to make out sessions and all of a sudden his hand is down your pants and you’re honestly not complaining. 

felix is definitely more of a giver than a receiver, not because he liked giving, but because he liked being in control. he liked seeing you writhe beneath him and all that jazz. 

he’d definitely deny you from reaching your high multiple times, partially to draw out the activity since you tend to come quite quickly beneath his touch but also because hearing you whine his name helplessly was a really big fucking turn on and he always swelled with pride knowing he was the only person who can turn you into a sobbing mess. 

felix has 2 moods. his soft and pliant types of fucking, and his arrogant, i’m big bad felix fraldarius and my cock is 30inches long type of fucking. he knows hes hot, he knows he has a pretty dick, might as well utilize it.

he hates praise when it’s ingenuine, for things intangible that he hadn’t earned himself. when it’s people praising him for his title or the power of a fraldarius battalion. 

but praise when it comes from you? when it’s you letting him know just how amazing he feels inside of you, how with every thrust of his hips your brain short-circuits and your eyes water with unspilled tears? when it’s you not being able to even form coherent words anymore because felix fraldarius is throbbing inside of you... yeah, that kind of praise. it does wonders for him and his dick. 

he’s also into hair-pulling

and overstimulation

hes also rly rly easily jealous like if someone else was making eyes with you or perhaps you were giggling a little too loudly with some handsome noble he’d just yank you away and march u up the stairs to his dormitory before kissing you hard 

he’s the type to make u beg and be rly possessive he’d just fuck you so ruthlessly hair stuck to his skin, panting “you’re mine. mine. say it” and u would just cry bc why tf he so sexy hello-

as mentioned in my kissing post, felix sucks the life out of you when he kisses you so it’s only logical that he fucks the life out of you too.  

im kidding ofc!! not rly

although he’s on the giving end of things, it’s still completely self-indulgent, felix gets off just knowing he’s getting you off because he’s a sexy narcissist like that. 

but on some days, he really really wanted you to know he cared a lot about you. 

felix isn’t the best with words, but he was really good with his tongue, so things usually worked out okay. he’d kiss you, everywhere. every inch of you, leaving hickeys in even the most visible places because who fucking cares. you were his, he needed you to know that. he needed everyone to know that. 

he can be sensitive sometimes too, make love, if you will. 

he has to be rly emotional tho, so it’s probably after something eventful happens in his life. like when the kingdom takes back fhirdiad, or wins the war. or when he’s sleepy and tired and wakes up hard and is just too lazy to put on his big bad scary persona. 

sleepy felix is submissive felix, aka my favorite felix. sleepy horny felix is all whiny and blushy and just wanted to come and he absolutely despised himself for it

you were well aware of how much he hated himself for being soft and needy, but that made teasing him all the more fun.

so yes, some nights felix would fuck you brainless and soak in the sound of your voice crying out his name helplessly. but on other nights, felix would lay down, his hair splayed against the pillow, your fingers twirling his locks and tugging gently as your other hand jerked him off, lips pressed against his as you breathed in his whines and grunts.

hearing him whine was a really rare sight, but it did slip out occasionally, when you squeezed the base of his member unexpectedly or when you took him deep into your throat and swallowed around him. felix really likes fucking your mouth. 

yeah felix is an emotionally constipated sex god 

claude ! 

whew lord. 

ok so claude, my sweet, cheeky, little shit <3 

the first time probs wasnt even intentional with him either he was just teasing you a little too much and things got a bit carried away but it’s a great time nonetheless

doing the do with claude is probably a rollercoaster ride, he would literally never shut up and would just say the most stupid things and you’d hate yourself for still being so desperate for his touch because somehow in between his terrible jokes and merciless teasing he whispered complete filth into your ears.

he’s a master of dirty talk, chuckling against the shell of your ear at the sound of you choking out a sob at his words, tugging at your earlobe just to spur you on even further. 

“don’t tell me you’re clocking out already?” you’d just glare at him in frustration despite your flushed cheeks and he’d kiss you on the tip of your nose and laugh in amusement at your misery 

he’ll literally do everything but fuck you, covering every inch of your skin in love bites, especially your chest. he’d literally eat you out or suck you off until you were dizzy but if you want him inside of you, he’d definitely make you beg. 

if you ever tried to get smart with him… um, he’d uh .. p-punish you 

not like in a pain kink type of way he’d just pull out right before you could nut and would laugh maniacally in your face afterwards because that’s what you get for being a smart ass ! denying u from coming is basically how he punishes u so its a pretty long night but claude’s really really good with his tongue so you’re guaranteed to come like 3 times at minimum anyways

he’d devour you, all smirks and with eyes filled with mirth and he wouldn’t give in until you were absolutely wrecked under him. 

he’s very um… dominant, i would say

but not an aggressive dom, definitely a playful dom who enjoys edging and teasing a bit too much 

he’s also pretty experimental, i can see claude as a bit of an exhibitionist also, he’d probably fuck you in the cathedral just for shits and giggles 

but he is human and despite how much of  a little shit claude is he’s just as wrecked as you he’s just much better at hiding it 

he’d probs quit the teasing once he himself can’t handle it anymore

and wow uh thats when claude gets all sensual 

when claude’s kind of in overdrive and completely uncoordinated just messily thrusting over and over again to finally get you both to that place thats when he becomes all romantic and lovey 

would compliment you to no amounts end, call you all sorts of pet names like honey, sweetheart, baby, etc. 

his messy curls would stick to his skin, his forehead pressed firmly against yours, verdant eyes blown wide maintaining eye contact with you just for that extra level of intimacy because watching you when you’re like this really drives him over the edge. 

he’d pant against your lips, kiss you roughly and somehow find it in himself to even let out an amused laugh because he’s having sex and that’s kind of funny for some reason

claude’s pull-out game probably a1 but idk he’s possessive in less conventional ways so i feel like he’d  get off to the thought of releasing inside you and watching him drip down your thighs bc yea

claude is also the king of aftercare let it be known

he’d have so much energy after sex for some reason like he’d just hop right up clean your bodies, fetch you tea if you wanted some and curl up with you resting on his chest, running his fingers over the skin of your arms tenderly and smiling softly to himself when exhaustion takes over you and you slip into a warm slumber against his chest. 

i love him bye

dima 

ok so dimi is a busy busy boy and even when he does have free time he’s never entirely there his mind is always kind of somewhere else u know 

he’s always struggled w getting a proper night's rest and always overworks himself into hysteria

so, as his lovely s/o, you presume a nice session to destress will help loosen those knots in his muscles and all that chaos whirring around in his mind

you were thinking a nice trip to the sauna or something

but dimi had other ideas 

 he’d just look at you and his gaze would darken all of a sudden and with just a glance at him you already feel the wind being knocked out of you 

it would be rly sudden, like dimitri’s just rly needy all of a sudden and he’s taking whatever you’ll give rly he has so much pent up stress and needs some form of release and he’s so so emotional and touchy and won’t stop kissing you with so much fervor and desperation

dimi is 1000% a lovemaker im sorry u cannot convince me otherwise. unless he is feral. if he is feral then understandable have a good day. 

he’s all about pampering and kissing every inch of you and asks every five minutes is this okay? are you comfortable? does that hurt? are you sure? because he’s terrible with fragile things and if he ever hurt you he’d never forgive himself poor baby

part of you just wants to grab his face and say !!! im fine !!! you big idiot !! but you just pull him to your chest and nuzzle your face into his neck and breathe him in deeply, kissing his jaw gently before reassuring him i’m fine dimi, stop worrying 

he’d calm down instantly and focus back on the task at hand, pleasuring the love of his life hehe

BODY WORSHIPPING non stop praises just kissing everywhere his lips come across you’d love it but hate it at the same time bc part of you just wants him in u already and the other half of u is just so so enamoured by him and feels so warm and loved and appreciated

he’s more of a giver than a receiver as well though for opposite reasons compared to felix, he worries about your comfort so much to the extent where it distracts him from his own pleasure, and it isn’t until he’s inside of you that he remembers and is like oh wow fuck and yea things dont usually last very long for him since he always neglects his own pleasure in favor of yours. he gets so focused on making u feel good because he loves you so much and he needs you to know that so yeah he doesn’t remember to even touch himself lmao 

you’d probably come like twice before dimi even whips his schlong out 

at the peak of his pleasure tho dimi gets kinda rough ngl. he’s a person whos very emotionally driven so when everything gets to be a bit too much he’s just slamming into you with so much force your skin stings, grip so tight on your hips there’s sure to be bruises in the morning but despite how rough he is his eyes are nothing but gentle and so so loving 

probably says something like oh seiros when he’s about to come LMAOOO 

dimi is also a king with aftercare but he’d probably knock out like a log afterwards and it’d be like the best sleep he’d get tbh all warm and satiated and just content

dimi sex god 

[teddybeartoji]

OUR BRAINCELLS ARE KISSING<3333333333

i think we both have to stop apologizing bc i haven't felt this much joy in a hot minute it's so fun to talk to u!!!!!!!!!!!! 🤝🤝🤝🤝 our brains really do feel connected lmao it's great

omggggg you're a literature major!!!! (i feel like i definitely should've guessed that....) no but that's so fucking cool what the fuck i hope you're genuinely genuinely enjoying it!!!!! as for myself... i'm currently working at a bookstore warehouse, i'm packing orders!! very simple but honestly the work itself is nice u don't have to talk too much and you're just doing your own thing (if it wasn't a 9-5 i'd definitely like to stay there but oh well)

i'm saying it again - it literally means sooooooo much to me that you're sharing your favourite poems with me and it's so cute that we like the same lines and quotes hehehhe

i'm definitely gonna find myself a real siken book next month and i'm gonna tell u all about it when i finish it i'm very excited!!!!!!!! aaand i promise when i see more poetry i like i'll share it with u (and i hope you'll do the same hehe)

DISCO ELYYYSIUUUUMMMMMMMMMM GODDDDDD I ALMOST FELLLLLLL OUT OF MY BED i had to reread it multiple times bc i just thought i suddenly got dyslexia lmaoooooo my best friend has played it a little bit and she did seem to like it a lot but the thing is she can only play it at my place and well she doesn't even fucking live in the same city as me ripppp and then i showed it to my other friend but i don't think she liked it as much even bigger rip

i loved it from the first seconds it'S SO FUCKING COOL how does one even come up with everything that happens and everything they say there??????????? and the fact that there's sooooooo many different ways to do things too u can replay it so many times and you'll have a completely different experience every time wahh my brain is tingling just thinking about it AND IT'S SO GOOD TO HEAR THAT U LIKE VIDEO GAMES OVERALLL i haven't played persona 3 but i'll definitely put it on my list!!!!! and i've seen clips and stuff about the jjk game but i don't really know anything about it lmao i mean people seem to be having fun (i think it's just bc i don't really play mobile games) BUT YOU LET ME KNOW HOW IT IS THOUGH IF U LIKE IT

ok no wait de - i think i'm gonna try and start it again this weekend!!!! bc now i really can't get it out of my head it's your fault!!!! (i love u) fuck i love harry so much his brain works just like mine it's just the silliest stupidest things floating around in his head and ahh it feels so good to play as him BTW WHEN U PLAYED IT WHAT "COP" WERE U bc i'm pretty sure the first time i played it i was a 100% the sorry cop............. i've learned now i'm better now another thing! i love how harry acts with cuno and cunoesse it's very important to me

I FOUND SOME QUOTES from my gallery bc i'm like a boomer who just takes blurry pics instead of i don't know writing it down???? and ofc mine are just a few stupid ones but i love them ok

when the damaged ledger is telling him about the zoo tickets and one of the options is just "fucking kill yourself you asshole" LMAO

"drugs? i need info on this. major narc." (point to yourself.) HE'S SO ahh no words this is 1000% something i would say too.............

and when the bloated corpse visits him in his dream "do you remember the scent of your childhood?"

the ones you wrote down are so good it hurts

"subdue the regret. dust yourself off, proceed. you'll get it in the next life, where you don't make mistakes." they're trying to kill us i know it i need to get this tatted i think

"it’s the worst day of all time, harry dear, and it’s coming. she will hear about it on the phone." NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

"killing was his business and business was *good.* did he love it before they made him do it again and again and again?" hear me out...... knight!reader..................................................

as for my my favourite game of alllllll time - it's most definitely the last of us part 2 yayyy oh man i could go give u a fucking lecture about it (i won't dw) but it's just something that will forever forever forever be with me and i will absolutely kill somebody to defend it (was gonna say i'm ready to die for it but why should i be the one dying i'm literally right smh) the story is fucking insane and i really like ghost of tsushima and death stranding and of course red dead redemption2 and god of war and so on and so on i spend a lot of time gaming ok.....

i just thought of another thing that you might be interested in (IF UR NOT THAT'S TOTALLY FINE) i know u said u don't really watch movies so i'm making a big fat guess that you don't listen to soundtracks n scores?? but would you possibly maybe want some recs? this is very out of the blue I KNOWWW i just do listen to them and i do it a lot and i like it a lot and i often listen to them while i write and idk i think maybe you'd like it too just let me know

YOU'VE PLAYED DISCO ELYSIUM AND IT'S YOUR FAVOURITE GAME WHAT IS HAPPENING I LITERALLY DON'T KNOW ANYONE ELSE WHO EVEN KNOWS THE GAME I LOVE IT SO MUCH WHAT THE HELL

- @softgirlgonehaywire

MICKEY???????? THE WAY OUR SOULS ARE LITERALLY BONDED ATP 😭😭😭😭 DUDEEEE im going a lil crazy. plsplspls i need to know ur fave character…. and ur fave skill……. and maybe ur fave quote if u have one……….. its legitimately like my favorite thing ever ever ever that game changed my LIFE

AAAA and. u asked for poetry book recs in ur other ask so i am here to deliver 🙏🙏🙏🙏

first of all!! richard siken…. he has two poetry books out at the moment, crush and war of the foxes!! i used to prefer crush but now i like war of the foxes more. its rly just a matter of personal preference, both are super good…. i said this already but i associate literally every single poem of his w at least one jjk character. mostly gojo or geto or kenny or shoko (i am predictable)

for some reason u can find literally all his poems on genius psjfjs but here are some of my faves from crush (first three) and war of the foxes (last four)!!

straw house, straw dog // planet of love // wishbone

landscape with a blur of conquerors // self-portrait against red wallpaper // portrait of fryderyk in shifting light // glue

but siken aside!!! frank bidart my beloved <333 hes so weird. his style of writing is very unique and can seem a bit very odd but u get used to it quickly!! i love him. my absolute favorite frank bidart poem is half-light, i’m fucking obsessed u dont understand, pls read it. (its so satosugu to me) and then u can find some other poems of his here! coincidentally his writing reminds me a LOT of disco elysium which is. probably maybe why i love it sm in the first place LMAO

AND AND AND…. lastly. ive tried getting into franz wright but i didnt like the collection of his that i bought :’3 HOWEVER hes written this one poem i absolutely adore, dedication. its so so so good. ”it’s true i never write, but i would gladly die with you” // ”although i never write, secretly i long to die with you, does that count?” have permanently altered the course of my destiny

… that was probably a lot im sorry PJDKFB i didnt even mention clementine von radics…. she has an instagram account where she posts some poems i think. ive run outof links so i cant show some i like but </3 her collection mouthful of forevers is super good!!

[m4rkiza]

pile of headcanons

bunch of raihan/leon headcanon nonsense from my twit*r

theres alot under the cut, warning : its cheesy, also, i headcanon raihan calling leon "bubu"

Raihan is really good at baking and leon is great at cooking savory & spicy food, raihan likes spicy food and leon likes baked goods, they complete each other

Leon so thick and firm he'd be so good to hug and raihan took advantage of that, holding his bubu until leon complains or whine, yknow when ur pet looks so cute and u hug them, like that

leon contacts name on raihans phone is like "♥💖my bubu♥💕", but raihans contact name on leons phone is "Raihan" with capital R

raihan complained about it, showed leons contact name on his phone, leon is surprised bc he thought his contact name on raihans phone is just "Leon" or "Lee"

then leon changes rai's contact name too "🥰raihoney💖

leon doesnt look like the guy who'd be extra on hair and skin treatment, the reason his hair and skin (especially his hair) is unbearably soft and shiny is bc raihan kept reminding him to do so (and buying it)

sometimes leon act spoiled so raihan will do an entire haircare for him

yes raihan do it bc he loves leon unconditionally and he thinks leon deserves it

raihan has a dirty mouth and uses every swear word but for some reasons, around leon all he can say is "jerk" "ugly" and "dumb"

raihan does that bc all he remember when hes with leon is pet names and how-to-coo-and-woo-your-boyfriend

raihan being leons moral compass feels fitting, not bc leon is dumb but bc leon himself is swallowed by his own title and got the hero complex, making him selfless and have a hard time to say no

raihan is there to "what the fuck are you thinking, dont do that baby, you'll die"

but leon seems stubborn yes? he wont listen if people just say "no", he'd ask the reason why, and if the said person doesnt give a clear answer, he leaves but raihan always tries to explain him in full description, short & long lasting damage, consequence etc

so obviously leon listens, and as time goes by, raihan is.. his moral compass, in a way

raihan playfully growls while squeezing leons body parts but its definitely not so playful in leons mind

raihan always ask leon to wear his freshly-washed-hoodie at sunday so when he go to work at monday, his hoodie will smell like leon

raihans laugh is like "aha haha haha *low volume wheeze* phew heehee" and leon got a laugh that can trigger an earthquake

Raihan sneeze like a kitten while leon sneeze like a buldozer

Leon muffles his laugh by hugging raihan so it wont surprise anyone around them

leon demanding affection from raihan by giving him stupid empty threats

leon : Kiss me or ill

raihan : u will what

leon : i-i will shrink your hoodie and make it mine

raihan : no, now come here bubu

In reality, leon doesnt need to do "things" to get raihans attention, raihan told him he can just ask or "just sit on my lap or tug my shirt and ill cuddle and kiss you till the next day", but leons ego is too high for that so he does stupid shit instead

raihan is very loved by leons family bc surprisingly hes able to stop leon and hop from fighting

if u ask how, raihan simply pick up leon up and walk away

aihan is the only guy who leon will listen too and got called as the "champion tamer"

but all raihan do is just

raihan : bubu, no

leon : no..?

raihan : leon. no

leon : no...

then nag him softly while explaining the consequences, sometimes short and long term effect it depends on the situation

leon is stubborn, so it took sometime to convince him that his plan or an action he almost took to partake is very impulsive or doesnt give a good result

the thing is leon is not stupid, infact hes quite brilliant, therefore its hard to convince him if a person who tries to stop him doesnt have a similiar mind like he is, but thankfully theres raihan

for some reasons raihan is able to found leon in any occasion so the league staff ALWAYS calls him whenever leons gone

league staff : mr rai-

raihan : is it leon

league staff : yes

raihan : im on my way

leon likes to ask raihan for hairbands bc he kept losing them

raihan : bubu, isnt this your third time asking for them this week

leon : ....yes..?

raihan spoiling leon bc he feels he wants to make up for him, bc he wasnt available near leon when fought eternatus

leon follows raihan everywhere in the winter and kept pressing himself to him, whenever raihan question whats wrong leon just looked him in the eye and "im warming you up"

leon is small by raihans perspective but he hugs leon tight anyway

raihan is possessive of leon hes THAT hot, charismatic yet very adorable, leon is the one who keeps his chin up and soothe his fears, and hes the champion, everyone wants the champion, u think he'll let go that easily? no, never

and leon is probably possessive too, raihan is a hot nerd, affectionate and gentle, hes the one who push him to his best, the one who also stops him for doing too much, hes his source of comfort and he wont let go and wont let anyone take his raihan away from him for sure

10 years of friendship and healthy rivalry means 10 years of being on each others live, being one of the biggest contributor and supporter for the other, who pushes to the limit yet stopping when one is too close to the edge of the cliff

no matter if its platonic or romantic, they wont let anyone take their rival, friend and lover away that easy, you wont let anyone try to take away one of the important and huge part of your life

raihan big, so hes the big spoon, he loves cooing right at leons ears and kissing the back of his neck, shoulders and sometimes reaches forward to press a sloppy wet kiss to leons cheek

leon crying to raihan when he founds out raihan smokes when hes stressed out, and begging the other to stop and talk to him instead or cope with healthier way

raihan doesnt need an alarm clock to wake him up, leons just need to grin and say "good morning!" its so bright it WILL wake him up

raihan and leon lives together and since then the outfit leon has on his wardrobe is a collection of formal tailored outfits and his battle tower outift, some booty shorts and work out clothing, and obviously underwear and socks.the rest he just stole from raihan

especially t-shirts, hoodies, and jacket, raihan seeing him walking and opening his wardrobe after shower is such a common occurence that he doesnt even need to ask anymore

raihan looks like the type who carries lipbalm and hand cream in his hoodie pocket, he carries 2, 1 cocoa lipbalm for him and honey lipbalm for leon. whenever he met leon, he applies the lip balm on him, it becomes habit that leon even raise his chin up for raihan

leon can sleep alone fine, but when he woke up he felt groggy,but if he slept on top of raihan he'd woke up like he had a perfect 8 hours sleep even tho he slept for only 5 hours

raihan is a heavy sleeper but waking up with leon glued to his chest/back make his whole day better,especially when he woke up to leon peppering his face with kisses to wake him up

raihan being lowkey flustered and overwhelmed by leons beauty/cuteness/sexiness/everything while leon is being clingy and acting spoiled around him

leon cant be serious around raihan, when he saw the gym leader,he automatically let his guard down infront of him, changing from champion leon to leon from postwick, all giddy and happy

leon unzips his champion outfit and once raihan heard the zipping sound he zooms to leon to plant his face between leons chest

if leon wants attention from raihan he will do various things from holding his arm and press his head to raihans shoulders,sitting on his lap and loop his arm around raihans neck,hugging him from the front and put on a cute face

but if raihan wants attention he just, hug leon from behind,put his head on leons shoulder and doesnt let go until leon does SOMETHING

leon has been taking care of others for so long,so when raihan takes care of him ,its a new,yet quite familiar feeling.

its hard to accept since he felt bad about receiving the attention,but raihan kept doing it until leon tend to act spoiled around him

raihan always kiss leons forehead before he sleeps,when raihan is away, he has the urge to videocall raihan so he can coo him to sleep,but hes too embarrassed to do it

he thought abt that and raihan suddenly videocalling him,its noon on the region he visited, and hes like "heeeey, i just want to say good night to my beloved!! good night leon,sweet dreams,sorry bc i cant kiss your forehead but ill kiss u 10x more when im back"

leon was shocked and stared to his camera "lee? fuck,is the connection that bad-" and leon stuttered "n-no! i was surprised...thank you darling, have fun and stay safe okay?"

"of course! dont stay up thinking abt me for too long,i love you so much bubu,good night!

"..good afternoon raihoney,i love you too" leon stayed up for the next 20 minutes rolling around the bed screaming

raihan actually helps leon on taking care of his dragons, which made leons dragonmons actingspoiled around raihan,and sometimes leon thinks that his dragons loves raihan more than him

raihan plays with his dragonmon as if hes playing with a yamper,calling them "cute little babywubby" and playing with their hands,kissing their foreheads and lays with them on the floor,and of course leon joins in by laying on top or next to raihan

even leon have seen raihan carrying his dragapult like a baby with a baby axew hugging his legs, raihan is legit a dragon pokemon magnet

raihan has a habit of cooing or complimenting at leon even when hes doing the simplest thing ever and leon feels giddy like a 5 y.o everytime raihan does it

can u imagine how many pictures of leon raihan have on his phone,its probably more than 1000, he takes picture of leon as if hes a baby pokemon

leon comes to raihans place at 2 am without any warning,i mean raihan DID gave him a spare key so, raihans flat is HIS flat too,and there he goes,going to the bedroom and slip himself under the duvet,crawling to sleep closer to raihan

at first raihan is SO surprised that he jumped from the bed,but now he doesnt care anymore and just kiss leons head,mumbles "goo'nite bubh" and sleep again

leon does it so often that if hes gone from his apartment,people call raihan instead of him

raihan hugging leon from the back while leon is doing stuff in the kitchen while singing,and raihan is there like,peppering smooches and compliments while leon is STILL singing,and giggling bc raihan is smooching him

raihan is BAD at it but he sings along with leon in a joking manner and leon cant even sing anymore bc hes just wheezing while raihan is just "cmOn bAbeEEe SING AgAiiiNNnn"