#bc theyre my best friend and supports me no matter what im like. but what if. the way i write is so ooc and you don't know it

[minhmynchi]

man i wanna ramble about my fic to someone so much

into the tags i go

[qprsmackdown]

q!parrotduo (q!Jaiden and q!Roier from the QSMP) Propaganda:

They raised a kid together and he was the best dragon ever, they've been there for the other at their lowest and even when no one else believed them, they have been through grief and healing together, they would go through Hell for the other.

They are canonically platonic partners, Jaiden is Aroace and Roier has a husband (outside of the QPR) and had a wonderful son (egg), Bobby. Even when they were lawyers on opposing sides of a court case, afterwards they complimented each other on how they did during the case. On top of that, Jaiden threatened Roier's husband Cellbit before their marriage, telling him that if he hurt Roier she would hunt him down, and telling him to be honest to Roier. They are the greatest <3

they had a kid together and lived together and even after bobby died they’ve stayed the bestest of friends ☹️ roier even got married but jaiden is still so important to him and they both care for each other so much and roier’s husband sees her as equally part of their family too

they adopted a kid together because of an event and they didnt have to go hard as they did. after the kid died, they STILL were together. then roier married another guy BUT all jaiden did was threaten him bc all she wants is for roier to be happy.

i dont even go here but this qpr is literally canon. jaiden is an aroace queen and also these two raised a son together like come on bro

Q! and cc!Jaiden is aroace and q!roier is queer. They were selected to be a pair to raise a child who they named Bobby. Jaiden moved into roier's home, had their beds next to each other, they raised bobby together, went on adventures together. Jaiden and roier loved each other and called each other family. When people asked if they were together they both said no but they were partners. Jaiden was extremely supportive of roier's cross dressing and him working at a strip club. Roier helped her practice her fighting skills. When roier became romantically interested in another character nothing between them changed and Jaiden threatened the other character to never hurt roier. Bobby died and they mourned and Jaiden moved away but they were still very close and visit each other often and roier keeps an eye on her interactions with a federation worker called cucurucho to make sure it doesn't hurt her. They are literally the perfect example of a qpr; living together, expressing their love for each other, raising a child together but never being romantically involved and being such a unit together and everyone on the island knows it and loves them too.

its like halfway canon that theyre in a QPR, they raise a child together and sleep next to each other and are basically life partners. jaiden supports roiers other relationships, and they actually support and communicate with each other and its great

They raised a child together, Roier's in game romantic husband loves Jaiden almost as much Roier does

you don't understand your honor they're everything to me. they're basically canon. they raised a kid together, lived in the same house, slept in the same bed, and trusted each other with everything. Someone once asked if they were together romantically and their answers were 'family' and 'partners' and often times they're just called 'platonic life partners'. They trust each other first no matter what they are RIDE or DIE qpp bitrans and aroace

oh my gdodddd dude oh my goddddd oh my godddddd oh my lord oh my LORRRDDDDDD they got randomly paired together to raise a child and had hardly interacted before that and immediatley became besties and there is so much respect and patience and trust in their relationship even after the loss of their child they are eachothers confidants they always want the best for eachother they are everything to me im craszy ANIMATIONS FAMILY 4EVER

they raised a child together they live together Jaiden's aroace and supports her partner's drag stripping career she was at his wedding

they raised a child together. jaiden is aroace and roier was kinda a whore before he got married (not to jaiden though) but they are besties and they care for each other very much. when their son bobby died they were each other's rock. i barely watch the livestreams but i see the liveblogging and its just so so obvious they care for each other and are ride or die PLEASE LET THEM IN AND WIN

they were the best parents to their little egg, Bobby, and are just so silly goofy together. They hype each other up SO MUCH.

Just these two lol not much for me to say but lots of platonic love to give

roier is gay and married to a man and jaiden's aroace but they are still partners!!! they're family they're a couple but they're not dating or romantically interested in each other. everyone in-canon acknowledges their relationship as equally as important as a romantic one, even roier's husband.

They LITERALLY lived together and slept in the same bed and raised a child together and one of them is played by an aroace person! The ccs never implied or explicitly said there was anything romantic between their characters, but the characters are still incredibly close with one another, even when Roier had his own romantic arc with another character!

They raised a son together platonically, Roier is married and he and Jaiden’s relationship is treated with the same amount of gravitas and weight as Roier’s relationship with his husband. They’re mutually supportive and care about each other so deeply. They’ve been through the loss of their son together and have continued to wholeheartedly mutually support and protect each other.

BOBBY THEIR LITTLE EGG THEY

canonically a family unit but not in the nuclear way (they both parent a child, but they are not in a romantic relationship nor a couple, nor did either of them create this child). this platonic relationship is treated equally to one of the character's romantic relationships and is not seen as 'less' than the romantic one. it is expressed multiple times throughout the series how important this platonic relationship is.

They co-parented their adopted kid together for a while and were acknowledged by pretty much everyone as the best parents, and now that Roier is married, his husband treats him and jaiden with just as much respect as she does their marriage,,,, which means a lot to me personally <3

roier literally considers his relationship with jaiden (who is aroace) to be equal to that of his relationship with his husband. his husband also treats jaiden n roiers relationship as equal to his and roiers!! plus jaiden and roier raised a son together and slept next to each other and were often mistaken for being husband and wife bc of how affectionate they were but its completely platonic! also when roiers husband, cellbit, was being an asshole pre engagement, jaiden talked with roier about how she thinks he deserves better and threatened cellbit if he hurt roier. i have many feelings about them but most of them are like just stick figure gore images

qpr of all time. i dont even watch qsmp but theyre so sillies. they raised a kid (egg) together. jaiden is acearo

Roier is a very gay hypersexual man and Jaiden is AceAro!! They refer to eachother as partners and raised an (egg)child together. Theyre besties theyre ride or die they trust eachother above anyone else etc etc

Q!JAIDEN CALLED Q!ROIER HER PARTNER SEVERAL TIMES!!! SHES AROACE AND HES MARRIED AND ALSO THEY RAISED A CHILD TOGETHER AND LIVED TOGETHER (<- i am feral)

They have said they love each other and it wasn’t romantic. One of them is played by and aroace person, one of them isn’t and the character still has a relationship outside of the romantic/platonic binary while still having both romantic and platonic relationships.

They have directly referred themselves as platonic partners multiple time throughout their time together. Despite the fact that Q!Roier is married to another character, his relationship with Q!Jaiden is never dismissed and is held at the same importance as his romantic relationship.

Literally call each other partner and family. Raised a egg son for a while (rip Bobby) Jaiden helped set him up with Cellbit! (They’re married now)

[nothing0fnothing]

when i post things about narc abuse on my blog i occasionally get ppl being like "don't classify all ppl with npd as abusers!!!" when i didn't say that? tbh on the whole "is narc abuse ableist" thing i defer to my best friend's wisdom, he recently graduated with a BA in psychology (im so proud!!!) and he said smth to the effect of "if you're trying to diagnose them with npd to demonize them then yeah not good but also narcissistic is a word independent of that diagnosis so context is important" its like how ppl without depression can still say theyre depressed or someone without anxiety can say theyre anxious yknow? context matters! i call my parents narc abusers bc it "fits the bill" as in from the medical studies ive read from professionals, all this criteria fits their behavior, not bc i actually believe they have npd. their actions are narcissistic but actually having npd is a question i can't answer.

the point being: im sure you get a lot more comments like that on your blog than my own. the few i get make me upset for a while bc it feels so invalidating (or maybe im just chronically online lmao.) how do you deal with it all? i'm sure the answer is just "block" but does it go deeper? it must feel awful to be called ableist when all you've done is try to spread awareness about a very real thing that happened to you. i could use some of your strength bc your blog is still going strong even amidst the hate 🙏

This ask was actually so lovely to read. You're eloquent and educated and if you'd like to dm me please do any time I'd love to chat with you and check out your blog.

You're absolutely right about narcissism and NPD. Narcissism is a personality trait. One that most healthy people posses. You can't diagnose someone a narcissist, because "narcissist" isn't a disorder.

There's a misconception that NPD is the clinical diagnosis for excessive narcissism. Actually, the diagnostic criteria for NPD is very clear that one does not even have to have narcissistic traits to be diagnosed with it. And it has nothing to say about abusing others, so how recognising abuse is considered a drive by diagnosis of NPD is beyond me.

Saying your abuser is narcissistic doesn't mean you think your abuser has this specific disorder. We know this so to us it's common sense. Unfortunately common sense isn't so common, especially in the narcissistic positivity side of this app.

It's so easy to feel provoked when you know all this, and you're educated and you just want to make content that will connect you to a community of other survivors. Only for some asshole who barely knows what NPD is, decides they're going to make your trauma all about it. It's not chronically online to be made upset by behaviour like that. People like to tell us the Internet isn't real, but when it's our connection to communities of people who share our niche experiences, it is real. Don't undermine yourself when you feel upset like that. Words can hurt anyone, even when they come from an ignorant low life who thinks they can clean up the internet, one trauma support blog at a time.

Me personally? I like to wait to hit the block button till after I've goaded them into an absolute breakdown. It entertains me to no end to watch them rage like toddlers as they start to realise they know next to nothing on a topic I've absolutely schooled them in. It sounds cruel but I have no sympathy for arseholes, especially when they're intentionally spamming random accusations and slurs on my vent posts in hopes they can get a rise out of a vulnerable person. I might make a "narcissists rage at facts and logic" compilation for my own amusement... But that's not really helpful advice to anyone who isn't a bitter hag, like me.

When I first started on this platform I kept my most common response paragraphs in my notes and clipboard to paste and post when I got the same asks day in and day out. It really helped me to reply in a measured way I knew was proof read and edited without having to exert the mental energy it takes to type out a whole reply every time you get one. This of course is if you're so inclined to engage with them.

I also have a limit for how long I'll engage. Usually my rule is I stop responding when they stop asking questions, because my blog is here to be supportive, not to receive criticism from the pro narcissist community. When they stop being coherent and and start being belligerent, that's when will always I block them and that's usually the end of it.

I did have one guy who I'd blocked on 3 or 4 seperate accounts for being belligerent. He was making new accounts every time to spam my asks and reblogs with increasingly ridiculous, heinous and obviously ragebaity shit. I just reposted his replies onto reddit where the crowd is, let's say, more critical of behavior like that. He had an epic meltdown and I've never seen his username ever again. If you're not comfortable doing that, let me know and I'll do it for you. You'd be doing me a favour because I'm a little shit and I love to watch the fireworks.

My last bit of advice to you is to make mutuals and make them friends. I struggle with being sociable in any consistent way, but a few messages back and forth to foster a good relationship with the community is so helpful. It makes your blog feel like an actual supportive environment. It puts your content across the dashboards of more sympathetic people and less losers thanks to the algorithm. Most importantly, when you have friends on this app they're more likely to back you up when an absolute cretin who snuck onto earth decides to pick on you for no reason. Having that back up is invaluable to blogs like ours and it's so important to have it when you're just starting out, especially if you're already getting the narc apologists in your notifs.

That being said, I genuinely do hope you reach out to me. I'd love to be able to send you some more of my strength when you need it. 💛🤎💛

[watsername]

What are your thoughts about?

I was gonna try and collect my thoughts coherently before I started talking bu ti cant be bothered doing that so like. about the dream and that one circle of mcyt that just fucking hate them .

actually this is about how I have felt observing the dream space recently.

im uncomfortable?? not with the dream team, I still really love them and I enjoy their content and I do still watch sap naps streams if im awake for them but honestly taking time just to spend time on my f1 blog has been like a weight lifted from my shoulders.

just talking about dtblr, ive seen people trying to make the best of the situation by live-blogging sapnaps streams making jokes spreading positivity for all 3 of them but it doesn't really of much to take away from the pressure of the situation. Every day it seems like some cc somewhere has something to say about dream or George or sapnap and every day we rush over here to discuss it. it almost feels like theres this pressure to perform and to respond to what is being said, we need to discuss everything as a controversy no matter how stupid or insignificant the situation is and we contribute to the snowballing of tiny things that honestly dont need the attention the theyre getting and its tiring to watch. like im at the point where im scrolling past 'did you see what x said' because honestly I dont give a shit I dont give a shit about a cc who spoke to the dteam on discord maybe twice talking about their 'truth' I really dont care .

im genuinely just fed up with the way the creator space and fan spaces behave. Dream posts 'pls talk to me' and creators say 'but that won't get me clout' back to him.

who gives a shit if dreams stole punz girlfriend. who cares if dream sent a dm that might have been considered rude to Sara Simons a fully grown ducking middle aged woman with better things to do than start twitter drama. who gives a shit about sniff having one insignificant negative interaction with dream over a year. none f this is your fucking turret its just airing out high school level petty drama that could easily be fixed with a fucking dm . its pathetic. the way so many creators are going 'I too am a victim' and its 'he sent me a private message I didnt like' who fucking cares. and all of this 'ill stream explaining my story' what story. that he made a joke in bad taste. its performative. they want views they want twitters support they want to seem like theyre on the RIGHT side so theyre just pulling any old story out of their ass to add to the mentality of the mob and make it seem like yes I too hate dream because he is so awful when in reality he was probably just a bit of a twat like a lot of guys in their early 20s are . the only way hes gonna know that he did something that made u annoyed or upset or even mildly fucking miffed in the case of Sara fucking Simons is if you tell him. and we saw that bc 5 mins later shes saying oh its all fine he messaged me . see how fucking easy it is to actually fix these tiny ass issues if you actually have a conversation before launching a hate campaign on twitter dot com . and people going off to run with it and add it to the pile of 'poof' they have. hell ive seen someone saying they appreciate dream saying they want to talk about situations and saying they want to chat with him about an experience they had with one of his friends like what does that have to do with dream actually why not just take the initiative and talk to the actual person involved instead of making dream do it for u. its all just drama mongering

on a more serious note I really dont know how to feel with the whole situation with caiti. George didi fuck up and im not moving from that stance- whatever happened he made her feel uncomfortable and went on the defence instead of prioritising apologising to her for the way she felt about the situation.

what I cat fucking stand is how weirdly this situation has evolved. the initial statement was that he had touched her waist and tickled her and cat didnt like that. THAT CONTACT the touching of her waist was spread across twitter as a sexual assault. which its fucking not and it pisses me off as a victim to see how loosely terms of sex crime are being thrown around bc no matter how uncomfy you are touching your waist is not a sex crime. there was no mention of inappropriate touching actually, just that he had crossed a physical boundary with her and ive already talked about why I can empathise with that delayed reaction in feeling deeply uncomfortable with the situation . so it confused me as to why people on tiktok were spreading misinformation that his hands were down her pants and cat coming out of left field with he was grabbing my tits. because none of that was ever discussed in any of her prior statement and that seems like pertinent information when were discussing sexual assault. and from what ive seen her friends timeline of events dont match up with hers. her timeline of events onset even match up that well with her other comments on the situation and all of it just feels so fucking odd. why do the details change depending on who you ask and when you ask them

but I wasn't there. I dont know what actually happened. having experienced it you automatically hold that understanding towards her despite all the backlash because people blamed me too, they didnt believe me either and you never want to completely dismiss it no matter how weird the story seems because what if. keeping myself in the situation is stretching myself in two different directions where one is dismissing the claims of assault because nothing adds up and the other is she might be like me .

the reaction to caitis initial statement has snowballed extremely out of proportion if u ask me. nobody needs to know everyones personal grievances with dream or George or sapnap and to say that youre sharing these to support victims is a straight lie bc it has nothing to do with victims they receive nothing from your story that he made a bad joke 3 years ago or whatever and everything to do with the fact that you are utilising an opportunity to gain relevancy again and I dont want to partake in their relevancy.

I dont want to partake in any of this fucking drama actually. it's non stop. it's constant. its all over my dash all day every day but maybe its just the ppl im following idc. but I dont want to come back into a community where im going to find myself fighting to justify why I still enjoy the content of some creators while there are other creators receiving less vitriol for breaking the literal fucking law . its exhausting . its been years of it for me .

im not mentally well. I have a lot going on in my family life and I didnt realise how bad things were until I told my work friend I hadn't seen in a while my 'family drama' and she and the assistant manager pulled me aside and said 'im so sorry youre going through that right now are you dealing with everything alright?'. I have my final exams within the next month. I need to pass these to graduate. I have so much that is already causing me stress in my life and so much of the misinformation around the situation is so triggering and untagged and I dont want to log on and see another bout of 'x responds to x' 'x talks about dream' 'x shares thoughts on George situation' . I cant fucking do that right now.

people have called it the cowards way out, bailing at the burden of controversy but im not switching sides. im not deactivating. im not becoming a dranti. I still talk about the dteam i still like the dteam but I cannot force myself to endure other peoples stresses at the time being . thats all ive been thinking about rlly .

[moodr1ng]

lengthy discussion of ed treatment/management under the cut but nothing triggering or specific

i think its funny that im like.. (i believe) very good at giving advice regarding eating disorders to other people.. like, i will often give detailed, multi-paragraph, nuanced advice and information on dealing with eds and give people lists of ways they can reach for help, advice on managing disordered eating behaviors as best as possible, reassurance that yes, what theyre describing is a real ed, yes they deserve help, no they dont need to get any sicker to get help, ill frequently ask people who are down on themselves or ashamed bc of eating disorders to let me have faith in them on their behalf/let them know that im proud of them even if they arent/reassure them that they are never alone with this even in the worst part of an ed when it feels like youre the only person this fucked up on the planet/celebrate their wins and improvements if they have no one to be proud of them/etc. and none of this im saying to congratulate myself like.. i am somewhat educated on this topic, i like being able to use that to help out people, im not doing anything extraordinary or praiseworthy, i just have a certain level of skill/knowledge in handling eds and so i feel its sort of a responsibility i want to take on to put that to use.

but the point is.. i can do all this for other people but when it comes to myself? i dont follow any of my advice. my relationship to food is terrible and so is that to my body. i know all this stuff, i have all these nice things to say to other people - and i can't apply any of it to myself.

and though i always encourage people to reach out to medical professionals, to nutritionists, to therapists specializing in ed, to hotlines, to ed clinics.. i have been let down by every single one of those. my nutritionist told me my eating problems are a psychiatric issue and therefore she simply couldnt help me in any way. my psychiatrist listened to me describe my ed and had no advice bc he doesnt specialize in this and cant help me. the ed clinic in my city wouldnt offer me treatment bc they only take extremely underweight patients. a nutrition/ed support clinic a friend recommended wont take me either bc im not overweight enough. i contacted an ed hotline, set up a phone appointment with the hotline worker, and got ghosted. every avenue of help i have found has said "i cant help you" or "i wont help you". and yet here i am, still telling people to seek professional support and hoping they have better luck than me..

idk. sometimes i just feel phony, yknow? like, here i am giving people all this reassuring, in-depth, affirming advice that sounds like.. wise or like i know my shit right, and then you go look at my post history on the same account and theres my post about my relapse and how profoundly i hate myself and am disgusted with myself. it makes me feel like.. me still being in the deep of the ed devalues my advice. you peek under the curtain, and the guy who talks like he has it all figured out and can help you is just as lost, scared, ashamed and miserable as you.

not sure what im trying to say. just. think about this regularly ig. i wonder how i wouldve fared in a world where i didnt get rejected from returning to the psychology course, in a world where i become someones therapist - would i have too felt like an absolute phony, a poser, if i had become a therapist while being this mentally unwell? idk. maybe. it doesnt matter now, anyway.

[cinnamostar]

Hiii 👋🫶

I thought this would be a better way insted of commenting probably three parts 😅

Soooo this is about your newest chapter "Five dates to fall in love" :)

III LOVED THIS CHAPTER SOOO MUCH!!! 🫶🫶

Hyunjin's introspection on his actions and insecurities made him so relatable. I don't see him as a bad person, just someone tangled up in self-destruction, hurting others in the process. Yet, I find him relatable and approachable. Ofc this doesn't mean there shouldn't be consequences.

Another thing I wanted to mention: Your writing is a masterpiece—it's vivid, almost poetic. That sentence about guilt settling in his stomach was phenomenal ("The guilt that made its home in his stomach began to rumble, the bitter taste of it overpowering his sense [...]")! Reading it, I could practically see and feel his emotions (even while I was on work :D). Your storytelling creates such a immersive experience.

Now, back to the story—the market scene was super adorable, and their interactions were just delightful. The ending, though, that was the highlight for me. Reader struggeling between their anger and kindness felt so real.

I loved how reader reflected afterward and was like: "I can't place my emotions second." "There have to be consequences." (my word choices are a bit plain - I hope you get what I mean)

I mean - Reader doesn't have to be mean to him, but I'm so thrilled they prioritized their emotions and hurt over brushing it aside.

Even though I understand Hyunjin's perspective and believe in his remorse, it doesnt erase reader's pain. And that's why I appreciate how they stood up for themselves. It's not about being mean, but acknowledging and asserting their feelings. Your depiction of emotions is spot on.

In conclusion, I just want to express my admiration for your writing—it captures emotions in a way that feels incredibly relatable. I'm genuinely enjoying every bit of this story. Thanks a bunch for sharing your talent! 🫶🫶

I hope you are doing well & have a great dayy!! 🫶

OH MY GOSH HELLO :')!!! this is perhaps the sweetest message i've ever gotten abt my writing and it absolutely made my day, thank you so much <333

im so happy to hear it didn't come off as me trying to pin hyunjin as the bad guy in the story - i was worried it would feel that way with the beginning portion, but i also feel like its important to show that the reader isn't wrong in their emotions, and they also have a support system in place. that's also why later in the story i did my best to focus on hyunjin's own internal struggle with the situation because while what he did was extremely hurtful, he is still capable of recognizing his wrongs and can still feel guilty for it. and its not an easy change for him either! theres also the struggle of him accpeting this as truth now, which is hard when he has been living under another version of reality for two years! he's still human at the end of the day

i wanted the market scene to be exactly that, just a demonstration of the awkwardness of their relationship now, but as well showing that they can be friends despite everything that has happened. my issue with a lot of enemies to lovers stories is how easily the reader accepts the love interest back,,,, and i dont wanna do that because the reader's hurt still matters and one shouldn't throw their feelings aside bc someone else made a mistake and realized it. :o but still! i think it takes a lot of grace to be able to treat someone kindly after all that, so thats also why i added that layer of turmoil for hyunjin to struggle with LOL

my goal is just to show the depth of each of their emotions and perspectives! at the end of the day, theyre both good people trying their best in this silly mess theyre in

THANK U SM FOR YOUR COMPLIMENTS TOO ;w; this absolutely made my week and im sosoososos happy that i was able to portray everything properly!! THANK U I LOVE U AND I HOPE U HAVE A WONDERFUL DAY+WEEKEND <333 mwah

[angelwonie]

2022 is already over but i still want to make this post because i love you guys and you made this year more bearable, so...

dear followers...

you guys are what keeps me going. thank you so much for supporting me, liking my writing, and filling out every stupid form i post on impulse. thank you for always being patient and discussing your thoughts with me. thank you for choosing to stick with me of all people. i am so grateful for all of you and my time on tumblr!! tumblr is like an escape from reality for me and you guys make it so much fun <3

dear mutuals...

@cosmic-railwayxo - you fucking loser i think youre the best thing that happened to me all year (except guesung's abs). thank you so much for being my friend, for talking to me literally everyday, for giving me something to look forward to when im at uni and want to die. i love facetiming u, i love sending u reels, i love how we r literally bffs even if there are thousands of km between us. that much doesnt matter when we gossip or talk abt kpop men fs BAHAHAHA. anyways i could probably write an essay abt u and how much i love your colossal cock, but this is getting long so all im gna say is i love you.

@hwangyeonjun - rels my bae ur 97' liner smau is what gives me oxygen to breathe (on that note,, I NEED AN UPDATE). thank u for being my mutual and slaying with me even tho im a little insane. i love you!!

@hwajin - kATHY GIRL u were the one that had to listen to me scream about arisu and u literally wrote me a fic for him???? we r besties for life atp. we should write each other fics sometime again bcs that was sm fun. ure so hot and nice and ur hyunjin series slays. thank you for being my friend and always giving me the same energy back!! kisses for u

@hoshologies - moon omg we've known each other so long but it feels so short??? i hope ure slaying all ur days away bcs ure fucking amazing and u deserve it. once every month when it's a full moon i lay down on the grass and think abt how much i miss ur writing and u actually. hope we keep in touch in 2023, i love you bestieee

@jjkeverlast - lati thank u sm for being my friend!! i love talking to u about everything and nothing (read: the dilf from aib) and ure so kind honestly (when ure not stealing kento yamazaki from me BOOOO). i hope we interact a lot in 2023 and i wish you all good things this year!! you deserve it.

@jayzdaze - kay u queen. ur fics never dissappoint and ure so??? mature and cool i think of u as my older sister fr. im so happy to be ur moot and friend and i hope we remain close in 2023 as well. love you bae!

@jenoslutie - nabi i swear i followed u bcs ur name is the same as that girl from nevertheless HAJASJKAJKA but i fell in love with you and your sexy brain too. ur fics always deliver and i miss our convos sm :/ we should start talking more again!! either way im so happy to have you as a mutual and ily.

@kookiecrumb - ISA MY FIRST MUTUAL OMG!!! there's so much i want to say to you but i dont even know if i can put it into words. youre so amazing, talented and intelligent. i think you might be the most intellectual person i have ever met. i am never bored when we talk to each other, and i always leave our conversations in a happy mood. i love your passion for bts and i love your big sexy brain. i hope we stay friends forever.

@mingirn - mars idk abt u but im ur number one fan forever. like idc if we dont talk for a month, the moment i see mingirn on dash or in my ask i SQUEAL. i love you so so much and ure so funny and delusional (omg ure just like me) and im so happy we r moots. i would literally fight w armys for u. thats true love i'm telling u.

@neochan - sam ure like that mutual everyone is afraid of bcs theyre just so. cool. i love you so much and i love talking abt nct with u bcs ure the only one that gets my obsession with their cocks. thank you for being my mutual (and friend, i hope) and for blessing me with your fics!!

@planetdream - dreamie i swear to god you were the second blog i followed on here (i unfollowed the first so ure technically the first tho hihi) and i literally have flashbacks whenever i reread ur fics kskasksska. we've never talked like super much, but whenever we do i feel happy, and im glad that feeling hasnt faded throughout all those months. u will always hold a special place in my heart and im so glad to be ur friend!!

@shmooooo - isa u were literally my savior when i was in my cha eunwoo phase. like there is no one on tumblr that simps for that guy and im like??? hello wake up. thank you so much for talking to me about him and my fics, i appreciate you bae!!

@wuahae - cat i love you so so much!! ur writing is so alluring and beautiful, and your personality is too. i always have sm fun talking to u and whenever i see you on dash, i smile. we need to talk more bcs i NEED to hear your thoughts on every picture mingyu and hoshi post on instagram.

[lqfiles]

nahh chenle is valid 4 that😭 yn is my girlll & i love her n jisung's progress sm but all she talks abt is him w her friends, and that must be exhausting for them (even tho theyre also over the moon for her) but there's more things to talk abt than ur crush & making him ur entire personality is js gonna drain the ppl around her bc even tho she cares abt her friends, she seems to lost all interest in them BUTTTTT in so excited to see how the story will go & im loving the series sm so far!!!

oh speak on it.. if all my friend tweeted about on their private account was their crush and and even bring it into the gc id definitely be like “oh we’re talking about your crush again? 😅” ningning is a girls girl so she will always be supporting y/n no matter what and mark would support her too, sungchan has gone from disliking jisung to tolerating him, he just wants y/n and jisung to get together already WHICH LEAVES CHENLE who is arguably her best friend (if you’d ask me it would be ningning then chenle then mark then sungchan) who already never rlly liked jisung in the first place and now jisung is forced down his throat even MORE to the point every conversation they have is about him, i’d be mad asf too lmaoo like what happened about asking about their days!

[beatbawksradio]

vent about being the bad guy

i dont ever really want to give anyone the impression that i think im perfect or that im beyond making mistakes or hurting others. having mirror touch synesthesia doesn't make me a saint or a mind reader. i cant predict how someone's going to react to something before they do, i can only understand their reaction after its happened. i think a lot of people get this impression that his hyperaggressive super empathy is supposed to also make me like. absolutely magically perfect when it comes to interacting with others, like bc im a pacfist who cares about how i hurt others, that means that i shouldnt be capable of interacting with people in any sort of hurtful way. and any time i do, then suddenly im not actually the person i say i am, or im just using MTS as a shield from criticism or faking it or whatever. "you shouldve known this would hurt," or "why didnt you think about that before you said/did it". but thats simply not true, and is a gross and ridiculous expectation to put on someone

bc the truth is im just another normal human being, just like everyone else. and i make mistakes just like everyone else. ive honestly said and done some really, really stupid shit in my past that i have no excuse for, but have at least grown from that behavior to know enough to not do it anymore. i havent always been the best at apologizing either, and im trying to do better with that as well. and there have been times when ive just been going through traumatic events that have affected my mood, causing me to be more unstable about my more negative emotions. and sometimes, im simply just callous and thoughtless and say something hurtful without really putting any thought behind how it could be received. it happens

i think its important for everyone to acknowledge that they can fuck up sometimes, no matter how nice of a person they try to be. we all have bad days, we all have bad circumstances that life hits us with, and we all cannot be expected to be perfect 100% of the time. literally everyone has engaged in toxic behavior at some point of their life, and sitting here pretending anyone is 'holier than thou' and has never done any wrong ever is also toxic. maybe the wrongdoing is of different degrees, but everyone has still made mistakes and hurt people in their past. anyone who tries to act like they havent is lying

and sometimes like. youre gonna end up being the bad guy in other people's eyes, too, not just the person you hurt. and thats okay, its good for them to have support when they feel hurt. its good for them to stand up and let you know what youve done. sometimes they might not forgive you, or you might end up being pushed out of friend circles. thats okay too. its important to respect peoples boundaries and their sense of space and safety. yeah its gonna suck ass if things are so bad that people cut you off over it, and yeah its gonna suck if the situation was more complicated than what was told to others

but at the end of the day, the people most important in your life are the ones who are gonna stick with you. theyre the ones who will not only support and forgive you for your shortcomings today, but also want to see you grow into an even better person tomorrow. after all, you can only grow into a better person if you still have people supporting you and helping you heal in the right direction; thats something i have never, ever wanted to take away from someone, no matter how angry ive been at them. i understand just how important it is to have people to talk to, even if i suspect that someone is manipulating their support. that doesnt matter, i cant save anyone from a toxic person's manipulation, and attempting to is a much more toxic move on my part. ive been at the receiving end of smear campaigns far too many times for me to ever want to inflict that kind of isolation and mistrust on another person. loneliness never helped anyone

sometimes, people might just be incompatible with one another. no matter how much we want everything to be a cute happy lil diverse funny group where everyone gets along and forgives one another, sometimes two people just really shouldnt ever be next to each other. you dont need to be friends with every human on the planet to be a good person, its okay to dislike people. sometimes thats bc of their personalities, and sometimes its because of their actions towards yourself or others. disliking or not trusting someone doesnt mean theyre going to be a "bad person" for the rest of their life, unfit for redemption and unfit to ever have any friends ever, it just means youre not compatible to be friends with them and thats okay. i, personally, want the people who have hurt me to find out how to do better on their own and grow as people, both for themself and for those around them, because ultimately i dont want other people to continue getting hurt by them. the only one who can stop that is the person themself; and i also cant be around for that redemption. they can get better, but they can do that away from me, bc im only going to continue hampering their progress and growth. i recognize that it would be the same for the people ive hurt, too. if someone's attitude or behavior just stresses you out, there is literally nothing wrong with simply avoiding that person. just like there would be nothing wrong if someone avoided you for things that are innate aspects of your personality; avoiding someone you dislike is a far, far better option than trying to force a friendship that ends up in a lot of stress or worse

wrapping back around, like... i dont want to ever give the impression that i believe ive never done anything wrong, ever, or that MTS makes me incapable of wrongdoing. i have, i absolutely have. ive been the bad guy to a lot of people in my past, whether justified or not. some of those people might not ever forgive me and thats okay; i dont want to be around someone who ive hurt and whos not able to get past it, bc i know that trying to be around them will only continue to hurt them more. its okay to let people go. and its okay to acknowledge that youve been a 'bad guy,' because it doesnt mean that youre an inherently bad person unworthy of any friendships whos going to keep hurting people forever and ever. acknowledging that youve fucked up is the first step in how you start doing better about it. and you can start doing better literally today, literally right now, you can decide that youre going to change a behavior and be a better person for yourself and those around you. theres nothing like... dishonest or deceptive about changing your attitude or changing your mind about things. its natural, and its what youre supposed to do. change is a good thing. what matters the most is not what youve done in the past, but what youre doing right now, and if youre not hurting anyone anymore in the right now, then thats the accurate reflection of your character, not your worst days. you are who you are today.

turn the page, and dont look back. be better today than you were yesterday

[coldlandstarlight]

Notes from my reading!! Spoilers for the fic if someone seeing hasn't read yet

YES, ur classmates care about u dumdum🙄

This is like a polic3 investigation. omg

I hate monomas DADS (EDITED BC I FORGOT TO PUT THAT ITS HIS DAD WHOS HOMOGPOBIX) homophobix assk istg

Him just. Bottling it up. Should I cry

Vlad is the best father figure, eraserhesd is a close 2nd dare I say

KURUIRO YEAHHHHHH (I still want to punch him from before, but he's forgiven)

AWWW KOMORI SHES SO SWEET

They're all ur friends u IDIOT they care about you 👿❤️

HAPPY TEARS AWWW IM SCREAMING

That's because you are the same, Monoma!! You're the same supportive and sweet person who also just needs love, no matter what your father did, what he said, or how he tried controlling you. You are not a product of him. He doesn't define you. You are the product of loving friends and family. You are your own person

YES they know you bc they care!!

They're so found family it makes me kick my feet and giggle

Pony is my daughter istg

HIYAH!!

KS U I THEIRIYRE THEGRE SO CUTE

BAKE THAT CAKE!! STEAL THAT SWEATSHIRT!! BE HAPPY

THATS SO FREAKING COOL I LOVE THAG GAME SM?? him winning so many rounds hello 😭

THEY ALL MATTEREDDDD

Oh god a.conversation

SHES.APOLOGIZINF?

This is sweet :*(

The hand holding I think I ascended this is written so well

WRONG MOMENT TO QUESTION THE ELECTRICAL DICTIONARYS ACTIONS KENDOU

Oh. Oh EVERYONE knows

Monoma u aren't slick they saw that like

OH THEYRE SO CUTE

They knew they KNEWW

Take a big fat nap neito u deserve it

Kaito Kaito Kaito

FRAME THAT PICTURE NEITO

A CROW?? KAMI OMFG.

Monomas dreams as described are so vivid

Oh this is SO cute it makes my heart gooey

ITS A LOVE LETTER? IM CRRRYYING ITS SO CUTE

Reminds me of nights like this by the kid laroi

It's a darn grappling hook isn't it.

I WAS RIGHT I REMAIN VICTORIOUS

Lovesick idiots this is like flynn and rapunzel

"Did you like it?" Giys just kiss already ur scaring the kids with how intense ur love is

THEYRE KISSING!!!

Oh my gosh thag was so sweet I'm crying they just want each other's love THEYRE SK CUTEEEEE I have no words I'm crying

The final chapter of BibliophiLe is up!

It's done everyone.

That's right, if you want to read the completed My Hero Academia fic focusing on two amazing side characters in their third year finding love and learning to accept who they are, come on down!

The slow burn bursts into flames in this chapter, and I hope it leaves a smile on your face!

Monoma learns that everyone cares about him much more than he anticipated, because of course our boy had a confidence complex. Kaminari swoops in to solidify that yes, indeed, Monoma is the best thing ever and he would do anything to let him know that.

He gets a little wild. What else would you expect?

I hope you enjoyed this MonoMinari story in all its deliciously slow, angsty, heartfelt push and pull. Cause guess what? I loved writing it!

[inosukeslefttoe]

SO i just finished wonder egg priority and i think that with confidence i can say it has been one of my favorite animes like... ever ?? and not even from hyperfixation or obsession over it just... its so fucking real yet so simple in a way that i havent rlly seen shown in any other shows you feel ??

but first i wanna talk about how sexy the art and animation is real quick... HOMIE ITS SO GOOD LIKE EVERYTHING ABOUT IT JUST... serotonin... the characters are all so unique and iconic and fun but not over the top in their designs yknow ??? they seem like regular every day girls but they stand out and theyre all sO CUTE !!!! also i love how the style is like this soft bubbly slice of life lookin stuff with bright happy colors and the most beautiful scenes you could find but they also have the SICKEST fight scenes complete with whimsical animal helpers and terrifying villains and crazy weapons unique to each character. and the animation. god DAMN shawty i am obsessed with everything in this show. i might make a post solely about the art later lol bc i wanna get into the other stuff.

so the themes in the show right ?? it starts just as this cute lil magical girl kinda deal but within the first episode we see that like.. oh damn... thats kinda heavy... tbh i was a little shocked and thought about stopping bc yknow bad mental health BUT i was so intrigued that i had to keep going and i am SO GLAD that i did. because this show just so beautifully discusses all these heavy topics in such an eloquent and artistically expressive way. and also like, , the juxtaposition of the charming childlike vibe with bright colors and 14 yr old girl protagonists against the dark themes of suicide and so much else,, i think is just perfect. bc a lot of heavy animes are more of the seinen genre and have some middle aged dude as a protag or make the entire color palette dim or offer little relief to the pain of these heavy themes right ?? but NO not wonder egg bitches B) because these problems arent just things that ppl face later in life or just problems that need to be talked about among adults or the edgy seinen watching squad,, these are REAL problems that face people of every age, gender etc and i think its awesome that wonder egg addresses that. some may cringe at the thought of their high schooler watching animes that discuss sexual harassment, suicide, abuse, self harm, eating disorders etc,, but in reality it is the most comforting thing i have ever come across and is basically jsut free anime therapy. because not only does wonder egg present these themes to the viewers as something real that happens to all kinds of people (making said people feel heard in a way that maybe they hadnt before), but it also makes sure to vanquish all of these forms of trauma. and the way the trauma is vanquished isnt always beautiful and it isnt always just magically gone with a poof. the struggles of overcoming or living with that sort of thing are shown in such a real and relatable way that addresses every hardship trauma survivors have to go through. and i just. god i cry bro. 

oh m y GOD and the lgbtq+ rep in this show ?? like shawty... as soon as i saw episode one i was picking up on some gay/lesbian themes but then again im sapphic and project that a lot so i tend to see that sort of stuff like... everywhere... but NE WAYS... episode ten made me FUKCING CRY BRO LIke i cant believe there was a whole trans character with a whole trans pride hoodie like LKGHKDGH my heart is just so.. so fucking full thinking about him. bc like yeah i know there are trans characters in anime but i feel like theyre always very ambiguous about actually being trans or not or erased or portrayed as a harmful stereotype or theyre constantly misgendered and still refered to as their assigned gender at birth and i hate it. HOWEVEr... Kaoru.. *chefs kiss* it was so amazing to see a character straight up say “yeah im trans” in such a casual yet powerful way bc i personally have never seen that before. and i love love loved how he went into his backstory and talked to momoe about gender bc i think thats what she rlly needed and that it helped her find herself and it makes me so happy oh my god,, and the way they talked about it never seemed forced or like it was the focal point of his existence yknow ?? like yeah he existed to help momoe overcome some of her trauma but he also just existed to be HIM yknow ?? also... personally, i headcanon momoe as a trans girl even though i dont remember it being explicitly stated plus the school scenes of her and stuff would seem like they suggest otherwise ??but,,, SHAWTY THE AMOUNT OF SUBTEXT and her complicated relationship w gender is... something i feel like a cis girl would not go through so harshly yknow ?? with all of the questioning and feeling detached from femininity or feeling like ppl dont see her as an actual girl and only like her as a guy or for her masculine traits,,, but dont take my word on this bc i myself am a cis girl but that was just my take on it as someone in the lgbtq+ community trying to educate myself on the transgender community :) either way,, wonder eggs portrayal of momoe and kaoru and the way that momoe becomes so passionate about expressing herself the way she wants to as a girl is just... good lord im gonna cry its so perfect,,,.so ... i just love this show way too much. i also am honestly super lost about the relationship btwn acca and ura-acca ?? bc i was gonna mention ura-acca as a canonically gay guy bc when i was watching i interpreted ep 11 as him being in love with acca and being jealous of Azusa (bc i mean,, they lived together (i swear to god there was only one bed in that apartment) and had a daughter together and def loved each other and also when Frill said they were husbands and then when ura-acca said he wasnt attracted to azusa but he was def jealous of their relationship ??) but then i saw somewhere that theyre brothers ?? which would make sense ig since they look kinda similar and accas daughter called ura-acca “uncle”.. but at the same time its ANIME SO THEY ALL LOOK SIMILAR and referring to gay couples as siblings is an EXTREMELY common euphemism soooo... IM JUST LOST HERE... but yeah i tried doing research and found different things so i cant say anything for sure >:( however,,, if they are canonically a lil fruity for each other... when frill refered to acca as ura-accas husband i imploded dude you never hear that sort of wording in anime.. but if theyre related i am so sorry. 

god this is so much longer than i planned it to be oops but i also love the theme about like.. relying on friends to help carry your weight but at the same time not becoming completely dependent on those friends and using their support to learn how to love yourself and rely on yourself yknow ?? bc that is exactly what healthy friendships look like. bc i think ai sort of had a codependency thing goin on with koito maybe ?? but now she has a whole squad of funky friends that are so so different but all struggle with different kinds of trauma and although they fight over it, they always get through it with each other together. and they push each other no matter what to be the best versions of themselves and they teach other that getting hurt is okay because theyre always gonna be there to pick up the pieces no matter what happens. they can give each other space when they need and adapt to meet each others needs but theyre always able to balance it out with their own needs and thats such a beautiful thing in friendships especially at their age like damn i wish i had that maturity when i was 14 but no all i had was depression. another thing is that through these friendships you get to see all the different sides of each girl; you get to see them being strong or a shining light to their friends when theyre hurting but you also get to see them being hurt and weak and allowing themselves to be on the receiving end of the comfort. their friendships allows them to have weaknesses but it also allows them to highlight their strengths and thrive off of each others. I LOVE FRIENDSHIP DUDE

next i wanna briefly mention some of the themes connected to suicide that ive noticed. a big one is the survivors guilt that ai feels once koito is dead. several times she screams that she wishes she couldve gone with koito and she dreams of a “perfect world” where they committed a double suicide. one of the main reasons for her troubles is that she blames herself for koitos death and feels like it should be her thats dead... but at the same time she feels like too much of a coward to do anything now that koito is gone. she just has all these complex and contradicting feelings that wear away at her in ways that ppl that havent gone through the suicide of a loved one could never imagine. a lot of the times when things like this are portrayed in media i feel like its more in a way thats meant to guilt trip those that have taken their own lives and paint suicide as this selfish sin thats unforgivable but... not only does wonder egg reject that idea and instead portray it as a heartbreaking tragedy with,,, so so many terrible reasons, but it focuses on the feelings of ai separate from koito without blaming her in any way. not once did i feel like the show antagonized koito or that ai blamed koito for doing any of this, but they simply mourned her loss and touched on ais reaction towards the event but separate from koito herself if that makes sense. and i think that discussing survivors guilt without painting koito as the bad guy is something so beautifully done in wonder egg that can really resonate with those that have lost a loved one to suicide and have struggled with these same things.

okay i think this is the last thing ill mention,,, but HOMIE THE PARALLEL UNIVERSE BIT AT THE END. I AM. OBSESSED. i am such a whore for anything about the multiverse okay n e ways...,, not only did this make a super epic trippy ending of season one and add a little bit more magical girl whimsy to the show,, but it had such a powerful message. from the perspective of og ai,, finding out that you killed yourself in another world is... i mean its definitely not a surprise but at the same time it rlly makes you think how close og ai herself couldve been to that point and what decisions led her out of that dark place in her life. if i were in her shoes i would be terrified and id cry bc the thought of going back to such a dark place and actually going through with something like that is my worst fear and probably something that ai fears too. but at the same time,,, think from the perspective of ai two !!! like yeah its true that theres this awful terrible version of ai that dies but theres also a whole version of ai that is a superhero magical girl fighting off monsters to save countless ppls lives !! and she has a badass lizard and a gang of awesome friends !!! at first i was worried that ai two would be jealous of og ai and compare herself to her and feel inferior but like.. THEYRE LITERALLY THE SAME PERSON AND CAPABLE OF THE SAME THINGS !!! and ai two realized that !! just within the span of one episode, she went from the version of ai who took her life,, to the version of ai jumping in front of a friend to take a bullet for them and save their life. and that just inspired THE SHIT OUT OF ME. i think that ai was sent another version of herself to sort of beat her own worst enemy yknow ?? those doubts and fears that shes no good or that shes that same bystander from episode one and that she hasnt changed at all. but getting to interact with her parallel self and see her grow was just what she needed to realize that while yeah sometimes the worst thing can happen and things can be terrible but on the other hand sometimes the most wonderful thing imaginable can happen because she has the power to do either. 

so im gonna go ahead and stop rambling bc i got all my thoughts out that i wanted to for this post :D but yeah lol i might make another if i feel like it sometime. long story short: this show is perfect and it is going on my favorite of all times.

[takeyourhands]

TELL ME ABOUT YOUR NINJAGO S/I PLEASE IM SO INTERESTED…………….. HOW DO THEY FIT IN THE STORY WHICH SEASON ARE THEY INTRODUCED IF THEYRE NOT INTRODUCED IN THE FIRST?

ANYTHING FOR U BESTIE <33

i feel like,,, im probably there since the beginning bc im just like that when it comes to s/i's hfgjfhgjhfgj-

i just kind of live with them but not for any special reason, like im not training or anything. im kind of like nya in that im just vibing there except i dont have the excuse of a brother training all the time and also living there

honestly i think i'd be there before anyone else FHGJHDGJHF like i just went on a hike up the mountain someday but because im not very good at physical tasks i probably just ended up lying down on the ground for a while until sensei wu found me

he'd bring me to the monastery (was it a monastery,,,,, i dont remember,,,,,,,) and let me rest there for the night but then i just never left

a father-aged man was nice to me ONE (1) time i decided to never leave him

(except i DO visit my family on the weekends, at least as much as i can between all the action of each if the seasons)

also i just. i REALLY wanna have a cool power but i still dont know what i should have-

like ive got a few ideas in my head but i cant figure out how a lot of them would work fhgjfhgjfhgh

but anyways

the ninja,,,,, my best friends in the whole world,,,,,,,,, wwWWAAAAAHH

i am everyones best friend and everyone loves me bc i am cool and awesome actually. its true trust me i swear i am a very cool and awesome person

lloyd is my #1 super bff tho,,,,, i was definitely the maternal/big sister figure he needed during the first two seasons and i am ABSOLUTELY still like that w him now

i think he would get grumpy about it on occasion (especially in like. season 1) bc hes a big boy >:(( stop embarrassing me in front of the bad guys TARA

but he rlly appreciates the affection and that ive mellowed out abt it over the years

btw nya is a super close second to lloyd on the bff scale to lloyd bc i LITERALLY care her so much

ive not even talked about my story role im sorry im just very happy to talk about my buddies

OKAY HDGJHFGJHFGJ

i think i play moral support through most of the first two or three seasons. i imagine i actually started like. TRAINING in between seasons 2 and 3 but im definitely still not a fighter, i can really only do basic self defense

i help out where i can, but im definitely still pretty useless when it comes to battle. im like a,,, weird seventh arm that doesnt rlly do much and sometimes just kind of gets in the way HFGJHFGJHDGJ

i either have to stay back at homebase while the ninja go out and do stuff or im just sort of There in the background doing my best

so im definitely much more of a person whos most helpful on a mental battlefield rather than a physical one, at least when it comes to other peoples struggles

im like,,, sort of vaguely everyones therapist FHGHHFHG

like i just listen to them talk about whatever and do my best to give advice and epic wisdoms.

im a bit. aggressive. sometimes when it comes to helping others. like even when its not with emotional struggles or even a struggle at all i will literally do everything to help u no matter how much it inconveniences myself. like if u ask me to get u a glass of water bc ur thirsty i will bring u back a bucket like "i got u bestie >:3"

theres definitely been multiple times where the boys complain about like, not wanting to do their chores or something and i just go "DONT WORRY >:D I'LL HANDLE IT." "wait no thats not-" and then ive done all their chores for them in like two seconds

theyre REALLY trying to get me out of that habit since they dont want me getting taken advantage of or doing everything for them and its like "oh no its no problem im happy to help :)!" "TARA THATS NOT WHAT WE MEAN"

they literally cant ask me for any kind of favor or anything bc i will always go Too Far

oh god im getting very sidetracked

season 3 for me is definitely like. Oh Boy. i am juggling everybodys problems for them at once and im falling apart. like im trying to listen to love triangle problems and then im helping zane and then im trying to help stop the overlord and there is SO MUCH GOING ON

after the s3 finale i think i just sort of. check out. like i just got too overwhelmed by everything, and after the last battle with the overlord i just wasnt back to normal until season 4. like only half of me was around and the other half was lying in a muddy puddle in the corner

but dont worry i get back to normal <3

i think id be a pretty big help during s4 and 5 actually. i get a lot more directly involved in the action, because there are specific people who i care deeply for who need help and being able to be with my friends is the whole reason i even wake up in the morning

*sniffles* ANYWAYS

i cant think of what else to talk about lol its 6am

[cassyapper]

jotaro kujo song analysis: “eight” by sleeping at last

i could not figure out what the fuck to title this for a long time. please forgive me ik it’s awkward but it’s the best i got

anyway the song “eight” by sleeping at last made me mentally ill so let’s get into why <3

here’s a link to the song: https://youtu.be/obi4KCh6eHQ

here’s a link to the lyrics i referenced: https://genius.com/Sleeping-at-last-eight-lyrics

be warned there are part 3, part 4, part 5, and part 6 spoilers in this

with that let’s begin.

“I remember the minute;/it was like a switch was flipped --/i was just a kid who grew up strong enough/to pick this armor up,/and suddenly it fit” Lengthy first line to start this on i know but cutting it up didn’t make sense so please forgive me… Alright let’s get to the meat of this hm? This line is about when jotaro first manifested star platinum. “I remember the minute, it was like a switch was flipped” fits perfectly with how suddenly and obviously star platinum became known to its user, as jotaro first manifests it when he’s in the middle of a fight, a fight star platinum ends very quickly and brutally. The “i was just a kid who grew up strong enough to pick this armor up” is about jotaro having the willpower to control a stand such as star platinum and not get ill over it. He “grew up strong enough to pick this armor up”, this armor being star platinum (which, yes, star platinum is armor more than a weapon because its strength is used to protect. This is stated explicitly in the jin hashimoto song “star platinum” which was written specifically with jotaro/star platinum in mind, as the title suggests). It also shows how young jotaro was re the “kid” description; he was only 17, the youngest jojo up to that point. the “and suddenly it fit” also mixes with how suddenly star platinum manifested, particularly how jotaro gained passable control over it very quickly

“God, that was so long ago, long ago, long ago…/I was little, I was weak, I was perfectly naive,/and I grew up too quick.” Another long line im sorry it just doesnt make sense to cut it up 😭 Anyway this is part 6 jotaro reflecting on his past self, PARTICULARLY part 3 jotaro, which explains the “god, that was so long ago, long ago, long ago…” segment “I was little, i was weak, i was perfectly naive” is kinda gold coming from part 6 jotaro cause end of part 3 jotaro is canonically when he’s at his strongest but i dont think part 6 jotaro is talking about star platinum in this line. He’s talking about jotaro being tactless and rude and pushing away his loved aways in a disillusioned attempt to keep them safe. By part 6, jotaro has to have known his coping mechanism of self-imposed isolation wasnt fair to his loved ones/himself and it clearly didnt WORK as evidenced by jolyne’s situation, so he’s cursing his younger self for it here. Hence, the calling of part 3 jotaro “little, weak, perfectly naive.” part 3 jotaro starts making the bed that part 6 jotaro ends up having to lay in and he hates him for it. The “and I grew up too quick” part is jotaro acknowledging his trauma. Even before part 3 started jotaro clearly had issues and they just kept building and building and building from part 3 and on. Combined with his self-imposed isolation, jotaro had to grow up quick to survive, and this line is part 6 jotaro reflecting on that

“Now you won’t see all that i have to lose,/all i’ve lost in the fight to protect it.” Remember the self-imposed isolation i mentioned in the last line? This line is about why jotaro does that. He hates being vulnerable. He hates relying on others. We only see him comfortable trusting others to take care of things ONCE the entire series, during the steely dan arc, when he believes in kakyoin’s abilities to keep joseph safe and get the lovers out of him safely. ONCE out of the four parts he’s featured in, out of the three he’s prominent in. jotaro does this, as i previously mentioned, out of a disillusioned attempt to keep those he loves safe, hence the “now you won’t see all that i have to lose” line. This behavior is solidified in jotaro at the end of stardust crusaders, when the two final times he tried to trust that others would handle it resulted in the deaths of over of half those he cared the most about (he may have gotten joseph back, but don’t forget that joseph did actually die). Thus, this decisive night ties into the “all i’ve lost in the fight to protect it” line. He’s lost loved ones but he won’t lose them again, not in the same way at least. Ironically, the self-imposed isolation only puts his loved ones and himself in danger, but i can get into that later.

“I won’t let you in, i swore never again --/i can’t afford, no, i refuse to be rejected” This line kinda ties back with what i was mentioning in the last line, but it hones it a bit more on jotaro’s complete denial of being vulnerable rather than how he acts to ensure he isnt such. “I wont let you in, i swore never again” is a direct tie-in for how jotaro feels after stardust crusaders; he is never going to get as close to anyone or anything the way he was close to the crusaders ever again. Nothing is ever going to matter to him the same way and he is going to make sure of that, as the “swore never again” implies, because he is certain, at least at first, that this will keep others safe. The “i can’t afford, no, i refuse to be rejected” part goes into how selfish and arrogant jotaro’s mentality is. Don’t get me wrong, jotaro’s self-imposed isolation can be seen as selfless, especially because the main driving force behind it is to keep others safe -- but it’s not the only force driving it. Like i said, jotaro doesn’t want to be vulnerable, and to be sure he doesnt feel that way, he needs to ensure he won’t be hurt. Can’t be sad when people die if you were never close to them, right? So as much as it is to protect others, he also is protecting himself by closing off from others. It’s also arrogant of jotaro to assume he is the deciding factor of who lives and dies, that he gets to choose/manipulate the cycle of life and death by deciding on if he opens up to others. Jotaro had this mentality of being a “deciding factor” shoved into his head during the journey to egypt, and that kinda warps his worldview as a result; everything must be his fault. Things go bad surely because he let them somehow. And it’s not jotaro’s fault he’s ill in the head like this but it is still arrogant, and the “i can’t afford, no, i refuse to be rejected” line attests to this.

“I want to break these bones until theyre better/i want to break them right and feel alive” Oh jotaro you have the shittiest fuckign coping mechanisms Alright. “I want to break these bones until theyre better” ties into jotaro throwing himself into dangerous situations alone. He’s just so so damn convinced he can handle everything himself -- bc again, he is led to believe he is the deciding factor of life and death -- he just has to try. If things go wrong, it’s bc he didn’t try hard enough, hence the “break these bones until theyre better”; jotaro will hurt himself and will be convinced he deserved it until he “learns” how to be perfect like he’s “supposed” to be. But being perfect isnt something you can learn, you mentally ill motherfucker jotaro. anyway “I want to break them right and feel alive” ties into the fact jotaro would rather break his body over and over and over rather than tell his loved ones he cares. The only right way to be hurt to him is taking a hit that was meant for those he loves. Jotaro is very much a man of action rather than a man of word, and this line is about his rather unique way of acting (that is, getting beat the fuck up over and over) Basically jotaro can’t tell the people he loves that he, well, loves them, unless he is literally dying. Examples of what i mean: jotaro preferred going on a perilous, 50-day journey to just telling holly he loved her; jotaro preferred getting beat over the head with a rock in the lovers arc rather than risk hurting joseph; jotaro preferred to literally get blown up by sheer heart attack rather than tell koichi to his face he is a good kid; jotaro stepped knowingly into a trap for jolyne and had to literally believe he was in fact saying his last words before he uttered “i’ve always cherished you.”

“You were wrong, you were wrong, you were wrong --/my healing needed more than time” Oh my GODDDddDDDdcdd im sobbing as i type jotaro your head is so so damn ill Okay so i see him spitting this line towards joseph. Let me explain Joseph would no doubt pick up on jotaro’s ptsd and he’ll do his best to console jotaro over the deaths of their friends. But see joseph is ALSO an ill in the head idiot whose idea of therapy is electroshock and who calls ptsd “shell shock”. So all he can offer to jotaro is ���youll feel better in time” because that was kinda true for him; he managed to move on in time. What joseph fails to realize is what made him feel better was not time, but the support of those remaining in his life (lisa lisa, suziq, erina, smokey). But jotaro listens and tries to give it time but the thing with jotaro is he just gets worse and worse as time wears on because he deliberately cut himself off from anyone who could console him (as well as got continually traumatized throughout his life), so time never helped but actually made things worse. Thus jotaro spitting “you were wrong, you were wrong, you were wrong, my healing needed more than time”. In terms of timeline, probably happens right after part 5 jotaro stares longingly at the crusaders picture

“When i see fragile things, helpless things, broken things/i see the familiar” Im sorry every new line i start to analyze i begin crying so im just letting you all know incase the coherency takes a dip (as if this was coherent in the first place lmfao) Anyway so this line in relation to Jotaro is about how he projects HARD on the new generation. We see this w his interactions w josuke and koichi, the “fragile things” (there is no way he didnt see koichi as a filler for kakyoin im sorry. Also he just wants josuke safe with his friends like how he wished he was safe with his own friends as a teenager), how he was wary of giorno, “the helpless things” (jotaro is scared he’ll be similar to his dad, just like jotaro is similar enough to dio to share the same stand power…), and his interactions w jolyne, “the broken things” (angry teen in a prison? Come now). 

“I was little, i was weak, i was perfect too/now i’m a broken mirror” Throwback to the second line. Once again part 6 jotaro is reflecting but the difference here is that part 3 was when jotaro was last unashamedly happy, but more than that, part 3 jotaro was on his way to healing before everything went to shit. like i mentioned earlier, jotaro only relies on someone else completely once, and that happens in part 3. Jotaro is finally able to trust in someone else’s capabilities, which is what he needed to do before he could allow anyone to help him with the weight of the world on his shoulders. Hence, why part 6 jotaro would describe him as “perfect”; because he would’ve been perfect enough if he could just trust in others like that again But as the line suggests, that went wrong. Jotaro is now a “broken mirror,” which alludes to the fact that while he projects onto the kids, the kids (the ones that know him at least) project onto him as well, especially jolyne, because in part 6 she finally figures out her dad’s thought processes, as she is experiencing those patterns of thinking too. Jotaro is a role model for them in the sense of “see him? Do the opposite of what he did” KJ;DNJ;DN;SN

“But i can’t let you see all that i have to lose/all that i’ve lost in the fight to protect it” Same meaning as before mostly but the repetition is important me thinks because it mimics jotaro like frantically trying to remind himself why he must be distant when all he wanted to do was go home to jolyne and be her father

“I can’t let you in --/ i swore never again,/ i can’t afford to let myself be blindsided” This means roughly the same thing as the previous line that’s similar to this, but the “i can’t afford to let myself be blindsided” is less about jotaro’s selfishness/arrogance and more about how he believes enemies will use his loved ones against him and how goddamn, it would work, it would work so well because jotaro loves so, so damn much It’s a shame distancing himself didn’t work the way he wanted it to and ended up making his loved ones even more vulnerable than they would have been otherwise

“I’m standing guard,/i’m falling apart/and all i want to do is to trust you” (Begins screaming and doesn’t stop) okay so this line is about jotaro and jolyne during the beginning of stone ocean “Im standing guard” alludes to the fact that jotaro is still desperately trying to appear distant and uninterested even as he attempts to break his fucking daughter out of prison “I’m falling apart” ties into jotaro failing miserably at remaining cold towards jolyne, how he eventually caves in and tells her he loves her in addition to taking a literal bullet for her, using time stop to ensure he can make it to her to do so. and also this line ties into how he is literally physically shot and how his memories and stand are taken from him “And all i want to do is to trust you” is directed towards jolyne of course. God his whole “i’ve always cherished you” ties in with this line; like i mentioned earlier, jotaro by part 6 knows his self-imposed isolation is useless, but old habits die hard and also he was in very deep by the time he accepted there was no reason to go in the first place at all. So he doesn’t know how to change, he doesn’t know how to trust jolyne, it’d been 20ish years since he last trusted someone completely, but god he wants to. He wants to trust her. It’s all he wants to do hence this line

“Show me how to lay my sword down/for long enough to let you through” So continuing from the last line, jotaro just wants to let jolyne in. he wants to learn how to do that. I think this line is actually directed towards his younger self; 17 year old jotaro managed to let in a person once, after all (more than one person in fact, but all the crusaders). This would also make more sense w my interpretation of how part 6 jotaro calls part 3 jotaro “perfect” in this regard Essentially it’s jotaro thumbing through his memories to figure out how his past self gathered the security to trust in someone else wholeheartedly...which makes the fact that pucci steals his memories particularly fucked up in this context

“Here i am, pry me open/what do you want to know?” Another line directed toward jolyne. “Here i am, pry me open” refers to how after jotaro tells jolyne he cherishes her, all cards are on the table. He’s shown vulnerability, might as well go full throttle. So, he’s willing to talk to jolyne for the first time ever, especially because she’s a stand user now “What do you want to know?” ties into jotaro being willing to open up, but also the fact that jolyne doesnt really know her dad ):

“I’m just a kid who grew up scared enough/to hold the door shut/and bury my innocence” Hhnghg begins wailing this line is again about post-egypt jotaro. A lot of jotaro’s like...emotional maturation (and even some physical) occurred during the trip to egypt and immediately afterward. he’s in pain and desperately trying to rationalize a way he can be in control of never letting something like what happened in egypt happen again, hence the “im just a kid who grew up scared enough” “To hold the door shut” refers to how jotaro cut off other people, even the people who used to know him very well, like joseph and polnareff and holly “And bury my innocence” i mentioned this in another line but this bit also refers to how jotaro had to grow up quickly to survive, considering his self-imposed isolation and his life path of chasing down dio’s remnants

“But here’s a map, here’s a shovel/here’s my Achilles’ heel” This line is SUPPOSED to be directed toward jolyne but inadvertently it is also directed toward pucci. When jotaro says fuck it and gives up on his pretense of disinterest in jolyne, finally letting her know he loves her, he’s finally building the frame of a bridge to jolyne; he’s ready to do what he’s wanted to for so long, no matter how vulnerable it makes him, and that is to be jolyne’s father. However, pucci takes note of this; he knows to aim for jolyne in the final battle because of jotaro’s earlier actions when he tries breaking jolyne out of prison. It really is a shame how the narrative keeps fucking enforcing jotaro’s shitty self-imposed isolation

“I’m all in, palms out, i’m at your mercy now and i’m ready to begin/i am strong, i am strong, i am strong enough to let you in” Hmm i imagine this line being when jotaro meets back up with jolyne after he gets his memory disk back. The first thing he does is hug her and cradle her close to him, showing off to the world, right in front of pucci, how much his daughter means to him. But jotaro, at least for the moment, is not scared to be vulnerable anymore. Ever since he decided to give up his cold facade, he was ready to let jolyne in, and he finally has the chance to do that at least a little right before the final battle, which is what this line is about

“I’ll shake the ground with all my might/i will pull my whole heart up to the surface” Final battle in stone ocean,,, What the “i’ll shake the ground will all my might” line refers to is jotaro’s willingness to use star platinum the world during the battle. He’s ready to go all in to save the world, and most importantly, save jolyne, even if he has to use the source of his greatest trauma to do it. Jotaro’s a key player and he knows it, has known it for a long time, and this time he’s going to use that for his happy ending. And well, as i mentioned in the last line, jotaro’s done with the self-isolation and throws himself into the role of jolyne’s father, at least as much as he has the right to throw himself into. This is mostly what the “i will pull my whole heart up to the surface” line refers to

“For the innocent, for the vulnerable/i’ll show up to the frontlines with a purpose” More stone ocean final battle. The “innocent and vulnerable” jotaro is showing up for are jolyne, namely, but also hermes and emporio, and beyond that, the world. Jotaro understands how serious this is and he’s always been a force meant for protection, so he is here to do just that, which is what the “i’ll show up to the frontlines with a purpose” line refers to. Jotaro doesnt believe he’s a good person -- and he might not be, in the grand scheme of things -- but he does fight for what he believes is right, he always has, he mentions this way back in stardust crusaders during his fight with kakyoin. He’s never going to let injustice stand, especially not when he knows he’s such a key player

“And i’ll give all i have, i’ll give my blood, give my sweat --/an ocean of tears will spill for what is broken” This line actually applies to all the “final battles” jotaro has been involved in; part 3, part 4, and part 6. Jotaro, as i mentioned in the last line, has a strong sense of justice and is a force that first and foremost tries to protect, which the “i’ll give all i have, i’’l give my blood, give my sweat” part of this line refers to. Jotaro gives his all, has given his all, to rid the world of dio’s influence, he ruined his entire fucking life to do so, and this line gives credence to that. “An ocean of tears will spill for what is broken” refers to jotaro mourning all the what-ifs in his life, which are all tied with how the outcomes of these final battles go. If part 3 didnt end the way it did, jotaro would know how to trust still, he wouldve been happy even, maybe he wouldnt have had to sacrifice the rest of his life to dio; if part 4 didn’t end the way it did, maybe jotaro couldve gone home to his daughter, maybe he couldve been a bit of a better dad (this is because kids were involved in part 4 even if they didn’t try to because stand users attract stand users, and jotaro couldnt risk doing that to his daughter, so he ends up never coming home); and now for part 6, jotaro hopes that if it ends just a little better than the previous two, jotaro could at least died a satisfying death of sacrificing himself for jolyne, or maybe even got a chance to try mending his relationship with jolyne if they both survive

“I’m shattered porcelain, glued back together again” So this line speaks to both physical and emotional states Jotaro was physically “shattered porcelain” when he lost his stand and memory and also was shot, and he was “glued back together again” when he got medical attention and jolyne got back his disks Jotaro was emotionally “shattered porcelain” due to the fact he couldnt trust anyone completely since he was 17 goddamn years old but he’s “glued back together again” in the sense he’s ready to finally, finally try and be vulnerable in order to save his relationship with jolyne

“Invincible like i’ve never been” This line hurts so fucking much because i believe jotaro was optimistic, all things considered, at the beginning of the final fight in stone ocean. After all, he knows he’s an important figure in all this, he has his stand disk and memories back, he and jolyne and the others have a plan, and he has a future he wants to fight for in addition to the world’s continued functioning So he feels “invincible” like he’s never felt before because not even during the part 3 final battle with dio did he have the hope for the future he has now. But then. Then pucci brings out the knives. And the man who could control time never had enough in the end. He dies and cant even save jolyne with his death. The world ends. He failed. I think this is perfectly represented with how suddenly the song ends. It just perfectly encapsulates the tragedy that is jotaro kujo and i cant stop fucking thinking about it

thanks for reading all this if you did. jotaro kujo makes me feel mentally ill

[chocowhomps]

i forgot i said id use this blog for headcannon or more accurately i guess kin talk too that im too shy to talk abt on main so NICE im gonna do that

OK I DECIDED IM READ MOREING THIS BECAUSE ITS OBSCENELY LONG BUT

if you want to read it: its about kevin and eddys future relationship as a couple and also talks abt my fankid for them

im rly excited to draw my fankid for adult kevin n eddy bc im very obsessed w everyone sticking together as a big squad of friends post bps and just being each others support as they mature. and even when everyone grows up into adults theyre all a tight knit gang

and eddy and kevin move into eddy’s parents house bc they buy a house in hawaii or somewhere tropical and eddys been working at his dad’s used car lot since college bc he didnt wanna go back to school, and his dad basically retires and hands him the keys

(theres something to be said about them going through kevins attic to move all of his things out of his parents house too and kevin being all nostalgic and eddys griping about wanting to get it done already bc obligatory has a bad back and complains as if he is 50 years old or some shit but is secretly mostly embarrassed bc kevins been doing shit like pulling out their middle school grad book and saying eddy looked cute in the class picture)

and the two of them live right next door to kevins parents and eddy works full time at the lot and kevin doesnt have a stable job mostly stays at home and does the housework by choice bc he just cant find smth hes passionate for and the house is mostly paid off when they transfer it so they just get rly lucky like that. kevin doesnt mind doing the cleaning or anything either and they thoroughly discuss it, not like eddy doesnt help. but eddys hours are so sporadic since he owns the lot now and sometimes hes gone dawn to dusk. kevin likes the freedom and bakes a lot and honestly kinda has a fondness getting to take care of him bc its like a guilty pleasure (DO NOT AT ME PLEASE AAAH ITS SELF INDULGENT) but kevin DOES coach little league in his free time bc he gets antsy. he also just loves baking and stress bakes often so its not uncommon for eddy to come home early and theres fuking cooling racks on every surface and a hundred things on the go and kevins like “oh say less hey babe : ) you’re here early” and eddys like “jesus christ?”

kevin gets obligatory baby fever (dont at me) bc the moms bring babies to little league games sometimes and he just loves kids, its why he does little league aside from the sports aspect. probably brings the idea of them having a baby up over dinner and eddy chokes on a beer because the concept of kids is something hes also realized he heavily desires but is PETRIFIED of doing. he feels like he’d be a shit dad and desperately wants to be better than (God bless their souls) his parents made him feel.

he really doesnt want his kid to feel like they have something to be better than and constantly be told theyre “better than a dead beat” (ie his own brother) and even then in his like early 30s after his therapy has been consistent he STILL slips into anger and bad habits at the best of times no matter how he controls it. he is so scared he’ll hurt a kid and he doesnt want to allow himself to get attached. he’s done things thath ave hurt their friends or even kevin out of impulse and even conceptually doing that to his child, not even someone on his equal level makes him feel sick

but kevin just gets him so well. like he knows how his brain works down to every tick and he tells him exactly what he needs to hear while rubbing his shoulders. like tells him he’ll be there for him and he needs to just fucking trust himself for once and stop holding onto the little boy he was when he was a kid like that person whos still spiteful and lashes out at every opportunity is still him because he’s grown past it. gives him confidence and its so soft bc he can make him feel so proud of his growth so easy eddy literally just needs the most miniscule of validation and its AH

but they adopt this baby girl named nicole (nicky) and she is. my god shes the embodiment of both of them combined so shes a fucking nightmare. shes barely 8 and kevin finds her into the cookie jar on a sunday and wigs out like “what are you doing!! how did you open this!!” bc he fucking sealed it like his mom would have to do for him. and shes like “i pickeded it :p” and eddy fucking dry heave cackles leaning on the wall bc YEAH THATS MY GIRL 

i might talk more about her but this is so long and im shy lol if i dont stop now ill be too nervous to post this bye

[babysizedfics]

Poor roman :( but that being said I am heka interested in 5

remus humiliates roman in front of jamal (but jamal is a sweetheart)

vote from this concept voting post!

TWs: swearing, emotional humiliation, arguing, remus is generally pretty mean in this - not "unsympathetic" but his behaviour is not ok, brief alcohol mention but it isnt a main feature

first some background info on remus and ro:

roman and remus' friend groups actually run parallel to each other by pure councidence in that theyre the same age and are both in the local queer scene

usually they only run into each other on nights out and avoid each other like the plague... until one of romans friends and one of remus' friends become a very serious couple and the friendship groups merge

remus tends to hang it over romans head whenever they argue or remus just feels like teasing him that he could so so easily spill romans secret littlespace to all his friends

and while roman claims to not care he also really doesnt want that to happen, especially the specific things remus threatens to reveal (namely him calling his cgs mommy and daddy, and his fear of the dark - which remus knows are romans biggest embarrassments)

and remus never USUALLY actually follows through on his threats, he loves to freak roman out but he doesnt mean to be intentionslly cruel.

but one night theyve had an argument recently and remus is out to hurt roman and finally follows through on his threat to reveal romans secrets. in front of jamal

((the actual incident below the cut))

all the friends are walking back from a night out, and remus hangs back from the group to talk to jamal. roman is just glaring at remus and not saying anything and holding jamals hand tightly. remus hasnt embarrassed him too bad so far, just asking jamal questions and referring to roman as his "baby brother" which is so annoying, but the thing is roman can tell hes building up to something

then suddenly remus smirks when he sees a completely pitch black side street thats theyre about to pass by, and he calls out to everyone "hey guys, there's a 24/7 mcdonalds through here and its a shortcut to the bus stop" and everyones like WOO mcdonalds and redirects to go down the side street

and romans heart pounds watching the friends all filter down the street without a second thought, theres no streetlights down there, theres light on the other side quite far away, but before that its SO DARK. and he freezes in place and jamal is tugged back by it and looks back at him. "babe, come on"

romans starting to feel shaky and he literally cant move his feet. his eyes flick between the street and remus' sadistic cocky smirk.

"whats wrong baby bro? you stuck or something?" remus leers with that stupid stupid smirk

and roman HATES him so so much

"ro, what's the matter?" jamal asks

"i- um," roman stutters, trying to keep his voice from shaking too much at the sight of his friends just having DISAPPEARED into the darkness - how are they okay with that?? "i- im not hungry"

"okay well i am, and remus said it was a shortcut anyway so-"

"i-i -- no i can't"

seraphina, romans best friend, looks back and notices whats happening and quickly jogs over (knowing roman is scared of the dark) "hey roma, it's okay we dont have to go down there" she soothes

jamal is supportive but he doesnt get it. he thinks roman is scared of criminals or smth. "i promise theres no one bad down there, hun. and i'll be right next to you the whole time, i'll protect you" and he smiles and tugs romans hand to pull him towards the side street

romans eyes quickly tear up and he panics and rambles "nononono dont please please i cant i cant" in a broken voice and plants his feet firmly on the ground, paralysed with fear

remus starts cackling "ohhhhh thats right~" as if he just remembered. "my baby brother's terrified of the dark, isn't he?"

"f*ck off, re" sera barks, standing between the twins, protective of roman

"wait, are you?" jamal asks sounding surprised. roman doesnt let himself look at him, too busy watching remus warily and knowing thats not all he has planned to embarrass roman

remus goes on, shouting out to jamal over sera's head "he's petrified!" he confirms sounding delighted. "yknow that massive blackout last summer? he cried like a baby. literally sobbing for his daddy patton to make it go away"

theres a brief silence because no, sera and jamal didnt expect remus to refer to patton as romans daddy - they both know roman calls him dad but this is a surprise.

and that one second of silence drags on for ages for roman, all he can hear is his heart pounding in his ears and remus' obnoxious laughter

he is shaking, frozen in shock rather than fear now. for all of remus' teasing threats at home, he didnt expect remus to actually do it. hes devastated and humiliated that remus told to his best friend and especially his BOYFRIEND of all ppl

and honestly he's not even thinking about the pitch black side street right now because the streetlights on the main road are blurred by tears welling in his eyes anyway

"why dont you just leave him alone!" sera hisses furiously after her mild shock

then jamal bounces back rlly stern to remus "yeah i already know about that! roman told me and it was HIS choice to tell me"

roman stares at him in disbelief but jamal is too busy staring daggers at remus to notice

remus looks suddenly offended and frowns. hes clearly hurt that the others dont think its funny "jeez youre both such bores. im just having some fun"

"youre demented if you think thats fun" seraphina growls and shoves remus away towards the sidestreet. remus rolls his eyes and runs ahead to join the others who are all oblivious to that coversation, howling with drunken laughter in the pitch black and jumping out and scaring each other

"f*cking prick" jamal calls after remus, seething

sera quickly throws a concerned look to roman "you okay?"

roman just swallows thickly and looks between seraphina and where he saw remus join the others in the pitch black. his stomach churns at the idea of remus telling more people. "i-is he gonna--"

"im on it" sera nods and starts turning around "i wont let him tell anyone else, roma, promise" then she runs ahead to keep an eye on remus and to give him and jamal some privacy

after a moment jamal turns back to roman looking so worried and holds his hands and asks very gently "babe, can you tell me how youre feeling?"

and roman is teary but he whispers "i - you stuck up for me"

jamal looks suddenly sad and cups romans cheek "of course i did"

"but you said i told you about it. i- i didnt tell you that i-" roman gulps after his voice wobbles "i didnt tell you about it"

and jamal smiles sadly and goes "i know babe... im sorry, i just didnt wanna give him any more power. it seemed like he's held that over you for a while"

suddenly the tears in romans eyes overspill and he doesnt really know why but he can't stop them

jama gasps a little "oh roman, its ok" and just pulls him into a tight hug

roman clings and sniffles, glad that he can hide his tears from his boyfriend even if it is in his neck.

and jamal just strokes his back and whispers "its ok baby, its ok" **

they talk about it quietly as they take the longer, well-lit route instead. roman admits he would never have told jamal abt his fear on his own - and the reason he's been avoiding staying overnight at jamals apartment is bc the one time he did he got so scared of the dark that he couldnt sleep and was just anxious all night but wouldnt wake jamal to tell him

after jamal finds out hes like baby why didnt u tell me its okay and comforts him about it not being embarrassing or childish. then:

"so you do actually want to stay at mine, its just because its so dark that you didnt?"

roman nods shyly "yeah... im sorry i know its a dumb fear i just-"

"its not dumb ro. i meant to say if it works for you, we could leave the hall light on and the door open. its not like i live with anyone who can walk in."

roman blinks "wait you - really? it wont make it hard for you to sleep?"

jamal smiles softly "no hun, honestly i could sleep anywhere. i fell asleep in the middle of the day in the staffroom just last month"

roman laughs, so so so relieved

"so... maybe next time you come over for dinner you could stay the night, yeah?" jamal says with a smile and a blush. he wraps his arm around romans waist and pulls him in, hip to hip

roman bites his lip and blushes. after a moment he suggests shyly "im free tonight..."

and jamal smiles so big, stops walking and puts his arm up to romans chest to stop him too then angles romans jaw down to kiss him

in the near future jamal promises to buy a plain nightlight and always leaves it on for roman when he stays overnight from then on

**side note: roman could never stand anyone calling him baby before because he felt infantilised at school becaus of his undiagnosed adhd. so he sees it as a derogatory name more than anything. but when jamal says it roman feels so warm and respected because he knows jamal would never mean it in that way. so jamal has "baby" rights basically

[varusai]

who do you think is the most dateable dark matter thief?? i know you have an opinion and i need to hear it

sorry for the late response anon i honestly had to think abt this one for a few days lmao, but yeah i have opinions. below the cut bc fr i have opinions, all of them have major pros and cons (based on my characterization at least) and really i just have to break it down for u

Boros, everyones obvious first choice, but certainly not mine.

Pros: rich, tall, pretty, fun af, passionate, will kill for you np, give you anything you want, literally anything.

cons: has a god complex, doesnt respect you, not his number one priority at all, will forget about you once its not interesting for him anymore, probably argumentative/combative af, is very very smart and has no problem manipulating you in all the worst ways, is very entitled so he will never feel bad about anything, cant win arguments either bc he’ll want to settle it with combat, will get offended over little things just to argue bc he thinks thats fun

this is a relationship you’d get into if you literally have nothing to lose and dont care about your mental health. like hes hot but this shit would be toxic af and he will ruin your life and leave you to go fuck around and fight someone on the other side of the universe. this will be the best of times and the worst of times for you and you will never be the same afterward mentally or emotionally. the only way i would even consider it is if i lost my damn mind. The only way a relationship with him would ever work long term is if you were physically stronger than him and were capable of putting him in his place OR you were smart enough, suicidal enough, and interesting enough to him to engage in some psychological warfare and reject him if he asked you. Make him chase you for years, say yes, then decide that /he’s/ boring /you/ and leave him for another member of the squad to just destroy their established hierarchy and humble him to the point that he’s obsessed with you.

i dont have the energy for all that, so i’ll just smash and pass.

0/10 completely undateable

Geryuganshoop, also a probable second choice for many:

pros: cute, nice, tentacle alien (obviously), will respect you np, will also give you anything you want, not antagonistic at all, telepathic communication so no risk of miscommunication, emotionally intelligent and available, loyal to a fault,

cons: horrible boss/best friend that you will have to listen to him vent about for at least 3 hours a day, complete yes man as well so he will not tell boros no or cut him off and you will be stuck dealing with this no matter what, severely mentally ill and wont go to therapy bc he thinks hes handling it well, workaholic, needs a lot, and i mean A LOT of attention

this relationship would be great if not for boros lol. boros sabotages his social and romantic life but geryu has been friends with him too long to either cut him off or establish boundaries. he has no backbone (figuratively and literally) and wouldnt even consider it. he’ll ignore you in favor of his job too, to a massive degree. also i think that while the telepathic communication would be a major plus in most cases, here i feel like i’d have no less than 16 different, never before seen on earth, mental illnesses projected right into my brain just from being within a certain radius of him.

im already fucked up enough in that sense so pass unfortunately.

it would be a yes without boros in the picture tho lmao

so prob like 4/10 iffy datablillity, 1 level increase with each decade of therapy he gets tho so a lot of potential :D

Groribas, my fav girl:

pros: straightforward, realistic, very clear expectations, will not fuck around with you whatsoever like there is no mind games or anything here, will kill for you, rich and non materialistic so she’ll basically just let you do whatever with her money since she doesn t care about it, cares about her job but like...a normal amount. she absolutely has a good work/life balance, highly organized so she will not forget important dates, loyal af and will defend your honor under any circumstances, mean but in a funny way, a ton of fun to hang out with if you’re into that, no eyes so i dont have to worry abt eye contact ever

cons: extremely high expectations, like exhaustingly high, and not even a bit of flexibility there, if you dont meet the cut its a no, she’ll let you know and leave same day, she will also bully you, you need a thick skin and great sense of humor to survive, bad at feelings if you need emotional support???? go elsewhere, shes mega emotionally unavailable, will probably want to share bodies as a form of intimacy

overall its a solid 6.5/10 dateability for me i love the directness and no bs approach, we would def get along well. however, while im not sensitive, shes def gonna hit on some insecurities at some point and it will cause an argument lol. but i mean whatever. it happens. the body sharing would be an issue though, same reason i wouldnt be chill with having a symbiote despite being a major venom fucker. i need my space i cant deal with that. so thats a possible deal breaker if she couldnt get over that lol. and she wont, so we wouldnt work out. i wish it fuckin would tho😭😭😭 i would take whatever crumbs of attention she would be willing to give me

Melzalgald, my fav they/them bastard:

pros: amorphous and shapeshifting aka extremely attractive according to my taste in monsters, tall af but could chose to be a more reasonable survivable size lol, self contained and self-entertaining so they dont need a ton of attention to be happy, funny af, rich, will give you whatever you want and probably a bunch of shit you didnt know you wanted, very fun, built in friend group if you didnt already have friends, extremely emotionally intelligent and great people skills due to living in a collective, stupid af by choice, like some of em are very smart, but they dont claim that, will say fuck work and tell boros to eat shit to spend time with you, will kill for you as well, but only if you ask them to bc their first inclination is to just bother someone to death, very loyal, once they like you they like you really forever, it would take some pretty extreme circumstances to make them dislike you

cons: annoying af and its unavoidable, will talk over you, all of them at once will talk over you and do so loudly, no respect for personal space, they dont even know what that is, will probably accidentally manhandle you, they act stupid but arent so they can be manipulative, even if it isnt bad and they dont really mean to be, impulsive, forgetful of the needs of organic creatures so they will bother you at all hours of the day and night if you arent firm with boundaries, disgustingly extroverted and will bring randoms to your place without asking, or just...make new cluster members and you have to roll with it, will eat or absorb literally anything you have, will antagonize and bother you for fun, major jump scare risk since sometimes the forms are....fleshy

this ones hard for me like theyre hot af and i feel like they’d be super fun and good partners, but god....the noise. idk how long i could deal with that lol i dont like people in my house. it would drive me up the wall, but then again...i can simply kick them out when ive had enough. they arent projecting mental illness directly into my brain or requiring me to share a body sintelligento major plus. creepy thing/symbiote style hot monster without any of the invasiveness so tbh 8/10 dateability

some people date loud annoying extroverts who dont understand personal space that /arent/ rich, loyal, or emotionally intellegent so i’d be winning on a few different fronts lmao