#bc that was really in effect w this one
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Kind of crazy how I have a video on my phone of me crying after buying Ashton tickets just because I had them, not even bc I knew for sure I was going and now, weeks later, I have a video of me dancing my little heart out at the concert literally 20 feet from the man himself. Never give up on your dreams kids fr fr
#wow#I’m seriously never gonna get over this guys#like I don’t know how I’m supposed to#I was at Ashton Irwin’s first solo concert I’m gonna make it my personality#but it’s just kind of like#I remember sitting at the kitchen table and buying the tickets and immediately bursting into tears ahjdsja#and then I just ahdjsjs cried for weeks#like I have just cRIED so much about this concert ahdjjssjsj#like the fear of travel going wrong or#the show being too overwhelming for me#and like the overarching feeling that I didn’t deserve to go#bc that was really in effect w this one#and I was like bawling my eyes out the night before the show being like oh my god I’ve made a terrible mistake I shouldn’t be here#and that’s one of the reasons I didn’t talk abt it on tumblr 🤪#and then I kept trying to calm myself by being like#ok well I’ll be so far in the back it won’t matter#and then somehow I wound up 2 people from the barricade so#yeah#that was the best experience of my life#and idk how anything will ever top it
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karaoke!! 🎤🎵✨
jsys week'24, day 5
#BISEXUAL LIGHTING IN THE FUCKING CLUUUUBBBBB#theyre at an upscale karaoke club in the city bc the one in morioh smells weird and the gang is really sure its a front for the yakuza#someone brought glitter. there are so many drinks. it's koichis treat so oku got like 7 parfaits and didnt leave a SINGLE crumb#i know they stumble out (they were removed for staying overtime and being annoying as fuck) blinking spots out of their eyes for an hour#theyre singing together forever by rick astley btw. EXTREMELY important that you know.#genuinely had such a fun time w this one i love going ham with light and effects... theyre so in love ......... :')#josuyasu#josuyasu week#josuyasu week 2024#josuke higashikata#okuyasu nijimura#jojo#jojo's bizarre adventure#jjba#my art
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your harrow drawing gives me LIFE
AJSFJSKJDF; THANK YOU!! 😭✨ all of the positive reception on my harrow drawing (and my tangle tower stuff in general) has really warmed my heart, i really appreciate all the kind words everyone have left on it...
to properly show my appreciation, please enjoy this harrow microorganism inspired by the game's map sprites!
— credit to @whisperingrockers for harrow's design again. pls go check out her tangle tower stuff, it's all extremely good.
#i love the game's lil map sprites so i had to make one for harrow#if anyone wants a tutorial on how i did the boil effect just let me know and i'll try to explain it in another post#applying the effect itself wasn't too hard but i had some trouble w/ the file size (which was mostly my fault bc the gif was way too long)#i also couldn't get the transparency to not look weird so that's why she's just. standing in the void#BUT YEAH. thank you again to everyone for being so kind it really means a lot!!#detective grimoire#tangle tower#harrow hawkshaw#🎨 : mj draws#asks#tw gif warning
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dogma didn't want to do a portrait but tup and kix made him… and there's only so many flashes he can take before it looks like war.
#this took forever ... hopefully that won't be a recurring thing...#fuck#anyway. MUCH self-doubt and frustration aside.#this is from my No Order 66 AU!!#the massiff is Exo and she's here bc Dogma got reconditioned after Umbara#it didn't stick but... well. reconstructing your brain to nothing will have effects even if you DO remember who you are.#her tasks are DPT and interruption and fetching help when needed#for dissociation/meltdowns/ptsd flashbacks/etc#and also crowd control (give him space sometimes!) and finding Dogma if he wanders off while dissociated#and a few other small things that that follow the same principals#(she can do a bit of retrieval--not really her thing but she was trained a bit in it)#(Dogma keeps wanting to have someone teach her to help w/ tup's seizures but rightfully everyone tells him no.#Tup will get his own service animal if he needs one. and he denies one for now.#dude you had a chip erode part of ur brain and then had experimental surgery that fucked u up but okay. fine. have it ur way!)#anyway she has her longer spikes filed down for safety during DPT. it's completely safe--like cutting fingernails!#OKAY yeah thats it. hopefully some day i'll WRITE this au. xoxo mwuah#saleucami au#clone trooper dogma#dogma#clone trooper tup#tup#clone troopers#exo the service massiff#massiff#star wars: the clone wars#the clone wars#star wars#my art#mimse art
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very importrant oc diagram
more in depth descriptions of this stuff below ig
omg same trauma - sympathy and respect but also acknowledging youre not the same. propably the most normal out of the three options. you know very intimate stuff about this person but you have never met and its weird. you live your life normally but sometimes you wonder what it would be like to meet him
i will never be as cool - constantly comparing yourself to him to the point a big chunk of your personality still revolves around your connection to him (in ryous case this is mixed with seeing shiro as a sort of idealised perfect father figure despite never having interacted with the guy before)(its really weird and he tries to be secretive abt it but the others knows anyway)(like kiddo they can tell)(youre not subtle at all). he is soooo good and so pure and perfect and you will never live up to that no matter how hard you try. there must be something wrong with you
gender dysphoria - what it says on the tin. you have this guys memories and voice and body and face and it makes you want to scream and cry and kill him and bury his body in the woods so nobody can ever find it
(also to clear things up this diagram and the explanations are written from a point in the timeline before the whole 'stickbug gets mind controlled' thing so the clones havent met shiro yet)(also also obv this is pretty simplified)
#my funky guys#webbys flavor of parasocial relationship w shiro also includes her seeing him as a sorta father but in her case hes a deadbeat dad she hate#she wants nothing to do with him she hates him she was him once she looks far too much like him for her own comfort#logically she knows its not his fault. or hers. but god it hurts. it hurts to see his face everywhere. to be constantly reminded of who she#was supposed to be.#she doesnt want to have a relationship w him or even yell at him or have anything to do w him. she just wants to live her life in peace#i think she often jokes about punching him or wishing he dies already but really all she wants is to be left alone.#she is sure if they ever meet that hed see her as an abomination. and also she doesnt really care if he does? just the consequences of that#its like. she doesnt really care abt what he would think of her as much as she is worried about the effect his existence has on her.#she doesnt care about shiro as a person she cares about him as a threat to her life and personhood.#also shes like 18. still very much figuring stuff out. she gets better but i dont think she ever develops any sort of meaningful relationsh#relationship w him bc she just does not want to! and thats okay!! and shiro respects that!#thinking abt how the clones percieve shiro is so funny bc hes a very relevant public figure and a celebrity#but they have a LOT of very personal knowledge abt him. so the levels of parasocial relationship going on there are INSANE#its like having very weird one sided beef with an influencer and also knowing all of his deepest fears and desires and traumas
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working with children really will make you examine your thought processes and emotional reactions like nothing else. I've found myself being so much more thoughtful in my daily life about how I respond to my emotions and environment, as well as the reasoning behind why others behave the way they do
#yesterday i got really frustrated and overwhelmed at one point because this one little girl keeps getting really upset when she cant help me#like shell ask to help and i wont have a task (or ive run out bc shes already helped) shes capable of so i tell her that#and thank her for being thoughtful and helpful. admittedly the first time this happened i was really frustrated w her already#bc she had made a huge mess doing something i told her not to do and then didnt want to clean it up and she only came back#and asked to help because her friend had been helping me. so i was like girl. you didnt even clean up the last mess#but i also had nothing for her to do. anyway she started screaming and hid under a table so then her friend did it sith her just. because.#idk kids will see their friend freaking out and they do it too. and i understand it but my god. i dont deal well with really loud noise#and she did it again yesterday. i let her help me and then i ran out of tasks and she started crying and saying i never let her help#and for some reason there were like 6 other kids in there all wanting to help so then several of them started freaking out#and i could not handle it. i literally told my coworker like im about to cry right now lmao#and later the little girl was like wanting to hug me and talk to me and acting like nothing happened and i found myself wanting to withdraw#like i was feeling like i wanted to avoid her and not speak to her or be cold but i also knew i didnt want to treat her that way#and i took a couple minutes by myself and thought about why i felt that way‚ what the effects of that would be‚ and how the kid felt#and i really just had to remind myself that she was feeling just as many emotions as i was but that shes only had 6 years#to learn how to manage them and deal with them in a productive way. she wasnt trying to upset me. she wasnt trying to make me mad#she was just dealing with her emotions in the only way she knew how. and im an adult and if she can get over it i really need to get over it#long ass tag story sorry
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:')
#not to be a substance abuser on main but fuckign. oops.#the stress of the season got to me and guess who is out of ambien until THE TWENTYGODDAMNSIXTH#mmmmaybe earlier if i get lucky?? argh#i used a lockbox previously to help prevent me from doing this exact thing but i figured out the uh#damnit whats it called. the failsafe ig that shuts the timer off#im so annoyed w myself bc once ive had one for some reason ambien brain is like oh boy lets have more.#and ambien alex is an incredibly shitty combination of dumbass while having all the smartness of normal alex#so its not like i can hide them from myself or put them in puzzles or something#im so so annoyed w myself but i think like. not having it is the punishment i deserve#ive really tried to switch off ambien but its the only thing that works bc it slows my brain down for two seconds#which has the effect of Me Being An Idiot#vent#gooood i hate talking ab this bc ik ppl will always be like ''just do not be prescribed ambien/do not abuse it'' BRO I AM TRYING#ya boy used to be on hard drugs im doing my best here
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every joel smallishbeans video i become more obsessed with joel smallishbeans
#kiwi shares their thoughts#quickly became my (if i’m being completely honest with myself) favorite hermitcraft pov out of the ones i watch#i’m super glad that this season i decided to try watching multiple povs bc i’m having a grand old time#when i first got into hermitcraft it was like#a side effect of being sucked into the life series#and of course my intro to the life series was a bunch of people i followed being obsessed with grian and scar bc desertduo#so i started watching grian#and so i just watched hermitcraft from his pov#and by that point i think season nine had just started or somethinf#like it was pretty early into the season#but yeah there was just so much previous content#that i only watched grian’s pov bc i wanted to sorta catch up w the new season and watch it as it released#so i just didn’t branch out#but now in season 10#after being acquainted w so many of the hermit members and adjacent ccs that are their friends#i really wanted to try watching other povs#i still have no idea most the time what’s happening anywhere on the map beyond magic mountain and probably the shopping district#because i currently only watch gem grian scar mumbo and joel#which is all of magic mountain minus skizz and impulse#but yeah i’m having fun next season i’m gonna slowly start collecting more povs#probably etho (i see a lot of etho just thru the povs i watch already so might as well just watch his pov)#bdubs (he’s such a silly little guy + he’s usually online at a different time than who i’m already watching)#(so it’ll help expand what other hermits i see in episodes (+ his builds))#maybe iskall (also see a lot of him)#and probably pearl as well and maybe cleo#anyways yeah#i also wanna try starting to go back to watching twitch a lot#i used to watch so much twitch guys#i barely watch livestreams now bc of the fact dropout has completely stolen my brain’s focus#but i wanna pop into more hermit livestreams
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Not Tom King diagnosing the problem with his own run in issue #2
#well one of them#but it really all centers around diana not being a protagonist in her own story#also yes im reading tk ww right now. needed to happen eventually and ive found the best time is the middle of the night when im tired as#fuck and have the least shits possible to give#anyways its not good. doesnt have me raging like i was this afternoon w the absolute power waller garbage but rlly think thats the 2am#effect at work#as opposed to signs of quality#like i like poetic style narration but this is all so detatched from diana and her feelings about any of this#and all the dialogue is so wooden and awful like :/#“no thank you” me at this run#legit like sarge steel is the only one allowed to use contractions here or something#and the plot makes no sense with diana's character! the timeskip makes her look like a piece of shit because shes functionally done nothing#to help her people over the MONTH where theyre being massacred!#anyways at least the art isnt ugly. there are some things i dont like about sampere's choices but hes no 90s benes or deodato thank god#that would be my final straw /j. i dont have straws rn thats the point of this read. turning off the part that cares 👍#im sure theres worse ww comics somewhere. but this is not the vibe for me clearly#but i will read bc why the fuck not and also i love diana too much not to at some point#blah
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omg.... my new nearest audiology department actually has an EMAIL TO CONTACT!!!!!!! we're so fucking back baby
#looking to register bc i havent had a hearing checkup in like. 4-5 years lol#im supposed to have repeats every 2-3 years but my old audio dept is on the other side of the country....#and my hearing loss has been stable since i was 2 yrs old so its not super urgent to keep track of..#but ive had my current hearing aids for over 6 years now i think which is the average lifespan. and they still work fine#but i really should be taking them in to adjust every six months n get new moulds fitted regularly....... oops#i do replace the tubing but yeah im way behind on maintenance#and considering i wear them like 50 hours a week n im kinda dependent on them at work i need to keep on top of it more#ALSO what i reaaaaally want is ones that have bluetooth connectivity bc when i last got mine that tech wasnt widely available#but now i think theyre nhs standard. so fingers crossed i can upgrade plsss i wanna be able to use them for phone calls n music!!!#i can make a good case for it if needed cuz i need to use headphones at work sometimes#actually might be able to get an access to work grant for bonus hearing aid equipment..... i should look into that#i was skeptical for ages bc i had a VERY old roger mic as a kid which was effectively a box on a lanyard i had to give to ppl#it was clunky as shit and had awful sound quality i gave up using it after a year or two#but now they have very sleek n subtle ones n the tech has improved so much like it filters bg noise n can connect to tvs n shit#so would be really useful in meetings or when im like. at a restaurant or somewhere w a lot of bg noise....#ahhhh itll take time to get everything sorted tho. need to start w just getting this audiology referral in place#ill swing by the gp practice after work tmr and ask for an appointment for that#need to get dressed and leave the flat.... but i dont want to 😔#in a bit....#.diaries
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I still have a really big soft spot for ESO's class design tbh, I think having to realistically make every spec able to perform every MMO role while also having to make every one of those classes feel noticeably unique and different even in the same role was a really fun design decision
#saint.txt#in other words ESO has the really fun aspect of not being locked to a specific class to play a specific MMO role (tank / dps / healer)#and even better while each spec shares certain things all of them to some extend feel unique from each other even in the same role#dragonknight might be the typical tank class but NB tank is still a genuine choice that relies on different tanking tools#mag!NB and stam!NB are on completely different sides of the spectrum when it comes to DPS roles.#Stam!NB is your prototypical glass cannon RPG rogue class w/ high DPS but no self-healing (outside of vigour from Cyro.diil)#while mag!NB is entirely DoT effects and is one of the easiest classes to solo on bc of free invis + incredible amounts of self-healing#NB healers are basically vampire-style healers or are cutting into their own HP to heal which makes them noticeably different#from say DK!healers which have a lot more shield/barrier options to straight up prevent damage in the first place than other healers.#and so on. even in the same role each class has its own feel and gimmick(s) which means even with limited classes you're incentivized#to make a lot of alts to play around with. it's such a fun departure from the typical systems and classes aren't pigeonholed into XYZ role#that being said the system also = gear itself being pretty cookie cutter bc everyone has to run to same basic things and core abilities so.#pros and cons y'know. but I still think it's a super fun system.
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Sorry for being late today coming online, a lot has happened and I am trying to think about the best way to organize this blog going forward. For now though I will try to get the list updated quickly and read through my messages/@'s
#meg talks#mainly thinking about how best to spotlight people's fundraisers because so many are gaining and losing traction periodically#and some of my posts seem to get more reach than others#mostly what troubles me is i think that the more campaigns i boost the less effective it is for each campaign#i think that the small batches of donation matching campaigns that i organized with other people was the most effective thing so far#bc it guaranteed at least one donation to each campaign#i think i'm going to try to make other small batch posts too each day#like ''here are some campaigns that are close to their goal/low on funds/almost to the halfway mark or some other milestone/etc''#but idk. i just feel troubled and i think some people who have reached out to me think i have more reach than i actually do#i have less than 3k followers and a lot of them are inactive blogs from over the past ten years#ofc that still isn't nothing and im going to keep doing what im doing but im afraid people might be reaching out to me#thinking that i'll be able to give their campaigns more visibility than i actually can#im grateful that my master list has gotten some traction but the longer it gets the tougher it is to single ppl out#i don't know. if people have suggestions please let me know#for now i would really really appreciate volunteers to help w the donation matching campaigns#if i can have ppl committing to donating like 5 bucks to a handful of campaigns once or twice a month#then at least that's something that IS guaranteed u know... though i feel ashamed that i quit my job#and can't guarantee much myself until i find a new one#idk im just troubled and i'm not going to stop boosting campaigns but i hate the thought of getting ppl's hopes up and not delivering
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anyways. holding linebeck gently
#some assorted untagged linebeck thoughts tonight cuz hey why not its been a Day of ups and downs and he’s been there in my mind#sometime this month i do want to make some images of him w/ the pride flags of my hcs so general gay and then mlm and then intersex#general post ph crew rundown theres linebeck and then damien is bi and trans and bellum doesnt fucking care and link is figuring it out#so its half we got it and half man i have other things to worry about#i feel like you put linebeck and midna in a room and they are gay/lesbian buddies mlm/wlw solidarity thats what they are to me#anyways. revisited my post abt possession aftermath effects. you can probably tell i enjoy hurt/comfort/whump#smth darkly funny to me abt extremely sick and delirious linebeck and worried link kinda hanging out in his room#with link being like i bet youll be fine!!! you’re recover youre fine. and linebeck just saying kid i have rabies symptoms#anyways he lives hes fine he survives the magic squid rabies. to calm the characters nerves and my own ive decided that once hes well enoug#linebeck and link decide to visit the fairy queen to get some kinda divine checkup and to get the closure of. linebeck is fine he’s fine#nothing malicious is lingering youre good just. get some more bed rest#i do like the idea that when hes got some minor injury to the degree of some little papercur linebeck is incredibly bitchy and whatnot#and then when he’s in genuine danger of dying he’s eerily chill abt it. while recovering from possession one day when he can walk he just#chills on the deck when theres no breeze just smoking. ofc hes terrified inside but fuck if hes going to be obvious abt it (when lucid)#could tie that to his trauma n whatever ig but rn i dont have the energy to really think on it idk hes had enough bad injuries#and has found that when hes actively distressed crying out and whatnot didnt really get people to help#like its smth he learned early on his brother was there and there was just enough but like yknow. wasnt ingrained ig#thats a different thing to be lumped into the idea of him learning that its fine to be more vulnerable abt what you feel n need n want#prob smth he practices with link i mean damien is good but he needs to learn to listen instead of assume for that first bit#uhhh. earlier today i almost made a vent post but didnt but i think the gist was god i need to stop comparing other loz things to my iwn#bc it never never ends well. anyways. uhhh. came up with a possible post ph story arc for bellum n link#and decided to revive an older one with link and linebeck. post ph is really really just its own thing tbh#ofc meant to be a sorta fan sequel thing but between the disregarding of canon sequel stuff and not really adhering to the feeling n whatno#its just its own thing and i like it. ill prob delete this later
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Mental illness is insane I'm just having dinner w my father eating this a little too spicy pasta enjoying the Yeowch on my throat and the silence and suddenly I'm like yeah I'd kill myself.
#luly talks#i mean it came from out of nowhere grieving but it's so bizarre#like i just got hit by this very heavy rock in my skull this overwhelming and genuine urge for a second that yeah that'd be ok#that's the correct path to take and there's no physical changes i just kept on chewing on my all too spicy bc he used the wrong condiments#pasta. like sure i was a little zoned out maybe if you paid close attention you'd have seen my eye getting lazy or something but like. thats#it. and i always in zoning out#like this wasn't even an intrusive thought those come out of nowhere and just are echoing chambers of fear and shame#this was a calm resolution like yeah. that's the way to go alright.#y'know kind of unrelated but i always wish i had someone to talk about some mental health things i cant w my therapist#more on the speculative diagnosis thing. if you dont know what i mean shame on you for not keeping up with the Luly lore /silly#it's really hard being neurodivergent and im not talking about autism rn that i can manage but gestures vaguely its hard when it's#a group project. it's hard when everything is so fuzzy#because sometimes i tell myself i only think of this bc im all day alone and thinking but like#what. am i supposed to be getting non stop stimuli 24/7 least i realize i hsve something in my skull going on?#i blame my mother for that one she always made me ashamed of being sick or whatever acting like it was my fault#like me noticing symptoms was equivalent to me making them real#as if that wasn't just absurd like. the symptoms are here you twat. I'm not placebo effecting myself w shit#even the ppl who do like. the symptoms are real.#aaahhh siiiiigh yet another common L#brain stuff
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bro what the fuck are they doing with my package
#fun story#i ordered 3 things from hot topic. they shipped but never arrived so a couple weeks later i messaged them abt it#and went back and forth with them for a while bc their customer service agents cant read apparently#before being told i had to call bc one of the things i ordered went out of stock and i was replacing it w smth more expensive#so i call and im on the phone for like a fucking hour missing the 15 minute window i have to eat between jobs#and being on the phone at work for a while lmao#i finally get it done and the guy fucking forgets my apartment number in the shipping address. it's in the billing address tho??#so i email them AGAIN and im like yo your man forgot my apartment number. they cancel that order and place another#the effect this has is that the $14 payment for the more expensive item is cancelled as well. bc again they don't read#so im like sick i will effectively get these $60 pants for $15 (im very good at sales and also manipulating customer service)#but apparently when they replaced the order they put ny apartment number not in the address‚ but as part of my name?????#so i think its fucking up usps. but it came in 2 packages and 1 has arrived so i still have hope. but thats not the end#yesterday guess who fuckin calls me. its hot topic. my original order arrived to the fuckin store in my local mall#and theyre like i think we fucked up bc we just found this package but it says you picked up your order already. do u want it#and i was like yes? not really sure what package to be expecting and its my ORIGINAL FUCKING ORDER#so once this package arrives i will have gotten 2 of the same shirt‚ 2 kiki sign things‚ a sweater‚ and a pair of pants for $40#and i figure i can return one of the shirts and one of the signs that i have duplicates of for store credit of their full price#so anyway yeah. thats been the past 3 weeks for me.
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old man yells at cloud about constant sequels
#i wantttttt to like the beetlejuice sequel (just saw the trailer) and i don't want to be a hater. however#i dont knowwwww i mean theres a lot of callbacks to the original. which is good. its just#maybe its seeing some of these same effects done in cgi. or something#like it just looks like every other modern movie except w some of that beetlejuice imagery#im assuming the sandworms are cgi. bring back the claymationnnn bring back practical effectssss#idk im just really getting to hate the way movies nowadays look that are likely shot digitally and are just so subdued color wise#is any of this making sense.#like thinking of the original beetlejuice like whoa the colors were popping! greens reds purples!#and theyre so important and tied to the look of the movie and how it sticks in your mind#(im sorry. beetlejuice has always been one of my favorite movies. but anyway)#and now the sequel just looks ehhhh. you know#also we still should have had beetlejuice goes hawaiian instead. if we had to have a sequel#plus the story of the sequel seems so dependent on the story of the first movie like is there going to be anything original?#what made the first movie so good was not only was it a fun different storyline of these ghosts and everything#but it was also a good satire of the yuppies of that era as well as the idea of the afterlife and ghosts and all that. which was different!#im probably not making all of my points clearly and this doesnt really matter anyway but anyway#i need movies to be standalone movies. i dont want everything to be part of a series#i dont want beetlejuice to be called beetlejuice 1#bc then ill be saying 'back in my day we had only one beetlejuice'#LIKE. yes some movies are really good and you could watch a whole tv show more with the characters in that movie#but it doesnt actually have to be made. thats for you to imagine in your mind#like wow i love those characters in beetlejuice. i wonder what it would be like going forward for these people to live with ghosts#but thats for you and your imagination!!!! ugh i dont know is any of this making sense i ask again. i keep trying to wrap up this post#but im very passionate about films and as i think about my own main movie idea/screenplay#i love my characters and i could put them in dozens of scenarios that would be very funny for them to deal with#but i dont think they need a five film series. the one movie is enough for the main storyline#ok im going to eat something. enough bitching from me about the current state of film
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