#bc sometimes something i like is mentioned
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Text
umm rate the birthday invitation i guess???? my mom really wanted me to draw something, so i just.... did this lol
#censored for obvious reasons#y'all don't get to know my real name or where i live#even though it's really easy to guess-#but yeah#my mom was weirdly insistent that i draw something#i don't really show anyone irl my art so uh#that's probably why#also absolutely HATE how knuckles looks#i never draw him because i struggle with his forehead </3#had to make shadow's inner ears (?) light bc i am NOT telling my family abt my headcanons#oh yeah i don't show anyone my stuff bc so much of it is just straight up shipping#and sonic fanart is just Inherently Cringe to me#i feel like if i showed someone in real life what i draw they would just go “oh..............”#and AUGH that feels awful#bc sometimes something i like is mentioned#so i immediately start talking about it#and i can feel the “how do i get out of this conversation” vibes coming off them#wait how did i get to this#this post is abt my birthday party wtf#yapped so much to myself i had a whole topic change#ummmmm anyways#knuckles the echidna#tails the fox#sonic the hedgehog#shadow the hedgehog#sonic fandom#my birthday#sonic movie 3#i guess??#ravioliart
22 notes
·
View notes
Text
my favourite character exchange of all time between the hoo gang will always be this particular line from jason to nico in house of hades.
“Nico, you do choose how to live your life. You want to trust somebody? Maybe take a risk that I'm really your friend and I'll accept you. It's better than hiding”
jason doesn't say something like 'i'll make sure to prove myself to you' or 'i'll do everything I can to make sure I earn your trust' because they are empty words. especially considering that this was before jason knew about nico's past, he can't exactly do anything to make nico trust him, apart from offering support, because in the end, it was nico's choice whether to trust him or not.
yeah, some people might think jason was being 'cold' and 'shallow' for saying this, but jason genuinely MEANT well. he told nico that he's WILLING to be his friend even before he knew nico's past. this was before jason knew an OUNCE of nico's backstory. he gave some slightly harsh but brotherly advice to him.
jason didn't deliver any false promise to nico that everyone will love him no matter what and that everyone will always be kind to him in camp half blood (this strangely parallels w percy deliberately choosing to NOT promise nico that he'll keep bianca safe because percy knew that death is a possibility and didn't want to make any fake promises just because nico is a kid, percy tried his hardest to be honest with nico, that certainly caused problems of course, but we can see the pattern between how percy and jason both hated fake promises.)
also, in boo, will says “Oh, please. Nobody at Camp Half-Blood ever pushed you away. You have friends or at least, people who would like to be your friend. You pushed yourself away. If you'd get your head out of that brooding cloud of yours for once”
i know I've seen alot of people use this excerpt as consensus of saying that will is super 'tone deaf' and 'insensitive'. but can you guys see the pattern here? will came off a lot more agressive bc of his romantic feelings, but we can see how will, jason and percy were sort of 'reality checks' that nico NEEDED. he had an inferiority and victim complex (which is very justifiable and valid considering how much trauma he faced, on the contrary i thought nico was being considerably calm with everything he's been through and deserved to yell way more. I quite related to nico a lot when it comes to the personality sometimes so jason's words definitely struck a nerve for me) but nico was always drawn to honesty.
nico had some of his earlier memories washed away by the river lethe to 'protect' him from more trauma, and nico was so attached to bianca that the thought of her leaving for the hunters of artemis felt like a personal betrayal. he was made to beleive that he and his sister were safe in camp half blood, and combining that w the whole lethe thing and hades generally trying to protect the di angelo family from the gods, you can see how much nico needed honesty and not coddling. because coddling and sheltering ruined his life and took away his light.
jason saying that nico needed to take risks as it comes with the package of love and friendship, and overall giving him authenticity, telling him that heartbreak and family can coexist, causes nico to be drawn to him and genuinely have him an eye opener.
jason knew what it was like to be held with fake promises his whole life, and even mentions it as a reason as to why he made sure he kept the promises he made. because he would never turn out to be like his two faces mother beryl.
I'll always believe that jason played a huge part in nico's overall character, and his death even more so.
#I'm back at it again w my weekly dose of analysis#jason is so insightful to me. people find his honesty cold and conceding but it's my favourite part of him.#pjo#percy jackson fandom#percy jackson#percy pjo#percy series#percy jackon and the olympians#heroes of olympus#hoo toa#pjo hoo toa#jason grace#rrverse#hoo#hoo fandom#pjo hoo#nico di angelo#house of hades
162 notes
·
View notes
Note
I'm not a dallas star fan in any way, but I love to tune into their radio bc there is a chance that razor will say something so out there that I will cry with laughter
I love razor and his razorisms! I’m glad you can enjoy them even without the stars fan background! <3
tbh I’m also a fellow something-so-out-there-sayer, so sometimes I don’t fully appreciate how funny razor is because he says things I would also say 😭 I’ll just be nodding along like, “ah, yes, exactly! accurate commentary!”
and then I tune in to another team’s broadcast (without all the humor), and I’m like, “what the hell?”
this ask made me look up some of razor’s greatest hits! here are a few of my favorites, mixed with recent ones from this season:
honorable mention to the lead guppy macklin celebrini quote
“[the goalie’s] stopped more shots than a mormon at an irish wake”
“he looked like a big kitty trying to grab a ball of yarn in front of the net” (razor is a goalie = big cat truther confirmed)
“this is double bennetration - jordie to jamie - wow!”
that game recently where he mentioned jake oettinger’s “twinkle toes”
(about robo) “he’s hotter than a $2 pistol”
#thank you anon I enjoyed researching razor quotes! 💞#dallas stars#razorisms#maybe I need to start making a tag for these during the lbs
31 notes
·
View notes
Text
meant to be seen and not heard; meant to be felt, not seen
#metalocalypse#mtl#toki wartooth#nathan explosion#dude. (<- guy who made this)#i think about toki's childhood sometimes. and his adulthood too#anyway even if mr toki's dad was a reverend i don't know how acceptable like. whipping your kid would be anyway#maybe it wasn't even hidden on purpose just. subdued. unworthy of mention by anyone involved. private bc you don't talk to anyone yk#also no idk why toki's changing here. maybe got ketchup on his shirt or something#skrunkart#yeah fuck it i'll just dump everything here all at once whatever. whole bunch of tokis
267 notes
·
View notes
Text
Teenage Bradley angst-ing because he wants to ask Ice to adopt him too vs adult Bradley running for the hills because the first thing he has to do when he's back from the mission is getting the certificate he printed in 2011 and run to their home to ask Ice to be legally his dad too.
#concept i will got back too sometimes soon#does it fix stuff between them? no obviously not#but is it a first step towards working for reconciliation? can be yes#or even: au in which mav didn't pull his paper and he just didn't got in the first time bc he faild something#tom iceman kazansky#bradley rooster bradshaw#pete maverick mitchell (mentioned)#to nonnie i hope you like this bradley more 💞🥳#icemav
310 notes
·
View notes
Text
television shows should not make one off jokes about character possibly being autistic, not because it’s in poor taste or anything, but because it invites speculation on an alternate, better show in which that person’s autism was actually focused on as an important aspect of their character and something integral to their arc and development throughout the series
#Sorry I’m Eli moskowitz autism joke posting again#I just don’t think you should mention it if you’re just gonna be intentional with it but then again these are writers who only see autism a#A joke and not something their “cool” and “badass” character could be#And like I know that the implications of that scene and his arc in the show is supposed to be like “see he’s not autistic he’s normal now”#Bc I doubt the ck writers have ever like talked to an autistic person#But unfortunately they’ve achieved the exact opposite bc s2&3 Eli is sooooo autism it’s crazy#Guy with poor emotional regulation going on an evil masking arc#Sorry I think abt it all the time I yearn for what could have been#Sometimes I wonder if Jacob knows how autistic that guy is
17 notes
·
View notes
Text
au where bill realizes he's losing in the weirdmageddon and uses his newfound control over time to place himself in the twin's lives wayyyyy before they get to gravity falls in order to manipulate them into trusting him
#cyber.com#billdip#<- not mentioned above but that's where this au is headed#like i'm imaging Bill placing himself in the twins dreams about a year before they go to gravity falls--#he makes dipper dream about solving mysteries and Being A Hero and being super important and well recognized. and bill places himself in th#dreams as the wised old mentor. he's human. in his 40s. an Adventurer. and oh no! the world is going to end! and Dipper is the ONLY person#in the entire WORLD! that could possibly help him!#so dipper dreams a lot about being Needed and being the only person who could help. because he's Special.#bill makes mabel dream about being Needed and Special too--he just goes about it a different way.#she dreams about being famous and rich and in magazines. about throwing gigantic parties and having everyone fawn over her#and sometimes something will go Wrong. she'll be at a press conference or a party or something. and there's a problem only she could help w#her brother shows up or a fan or A Scientist or Bill. & she helps save the world or solve the mystery & is then bombarded with praise#wow look at mabel she's so cool and pretty and funny and brave but she's also super humble and down to earth!#i wish i could be with her/be her friend/be her. etc etc#bill doesn't put himself in mabel's dreams much (as himself anyway) bc she's WAY more skeptical than dipper is. (imo at least)#ANYWAY! the twins get to gravity falls and meet. Bill. (human. in his 40s. an Adventurer) & Bill makes something up about how it's Destiny#that brought them all together and clearly they all need to work together to Solve The Mystery of Gravity Falls#and mabel is on board bc it's exciting but she's not obsessed w it the way dipper is. it's the only thing he ever wants to think about#and ofc. bill sees this and goes wow! :) you are so young and SO easy to manipulate :) and then they fuck about it.#there's more stuff i've been thinking about in regards 2 this au. but it's pretty late. so i'll leave it here. ok bye <3
24 notes
·
View notes
Text
Finally went and watched Zero Tea Time and like, how is this man still functioning at all??? If we're to assume that Furuya sleeps about 2 hours a night regularly, I'm sorry but this man would in no way shape or form be able to do what he does. - Sincerely, someone who has legitimately slept 3AM to 5AM regularly for several months due to having pre-existing sleep issues and a job that started at an ungodly time.
Like, yes I get that I shouldn't be thinking too deeply since anime logic, but also on this same schedule I felt like I was about to die by week 3 and was essentially a human zombie with my mental health down the sink by week 6(and technically I was sleeping more than 2 hours since I would take some naps as well) so I have some strong feelings about this. Hell, there's no way this man would be able to keep track of what time it is let alone all his jobs and secrets with that amount of sleep. Even if we go under the assumption that he sleeps 3-4 or even 4-5 hours usually and the 2 hours was a special case this man would still not be able to make all those deductions and chase all those criminals. Sure you won't feel as shit, but you definitely will still be feeling quite shit.
No wonder this man depressed and insane with a sprinkling of anger issues and seems to be constantly lowkey disassociating in Zero Tea Time. Yes most of it is because he's the only one left and is horribly traumatized but also like Furuya, have you considered taking a nap? It doesn't solve the trauma, but give yourself 8-10 hours of proper sleep and you'll be waking up ready to take on god.
As a side note, are there fics where Furuya is severely sleep deprived and how that impacts him? Because so far I haven't seen any but I also don't usually go out of my way to find Furuya centered fics. Because if there isn't I'll write one myself, not enough chronic sleep deprivation rep round here in general. Mans mother hens everyone around him, he deserves someone to mother hen him back to force him to sleep because the world will not in fact end if he takes some time off.
#sorry for the mini rant y'all#but I'm intimately familiar with chronic sleep deprivation and this ain't it chief and I want my rep lol#where's the chronic headache where it feels like your brain and sometimes eyeballs are being squeezed out of your skull#not to mention the brain fog struggle to focus and feeling like you're not in control of your body bc your reflexes and stuff get real shit#at least they got the recklessness depression and temper issues kinda down pat since many inhibitions go down the drain#seriously I want to lock this man in a bedroom wrap him in a blanket and force him to sleep 8-10 hours#great way to start my dc side blog I must say#furuya rei#amuro tooru#zero tea time#dcmk#detective conan#detco#on a slightly unrelated note it's good to see he at least gets some sleep a night#I've gotten up to 50 something hours without sleep before at my worst and it was a *trip* I'll tell you that#10/10 do not reccomend
80 notes
·
View notes
Text
oh i can already tell i’m about to have some really unpopular opinions about the edge of sleep tv show
#i remember everyone loving the podcast when it came out#but as someone who was an active fan of audio dramas and podcasts for years at that point the show just. made me frustrated#i realized later after listening to left right game that qcode has this very strange and almost uncanny production behind it#where they get incredibly famous actors to play characters and then bank their marketing on that alone#and the writing is always *almost* good. like sometimes you start to think you might actually be listening to a good show#bc i mean the audio quality and special effects are all stellar#but then the writing and acting is always just a little bit too over-the-top and dramatic for it to feel natural#like the writers don’t know how to portray emotion without visuals so they just make everything Way Too Intense#and each time it feels like they just ask ‘what’s the most insane thing that can happen next?’#’oh ok he’s gonna chop dave’s dick off’#and every time you start to actually like a character they say something misogynistic or just otherwise batshit fucking insane#not to mention that time in left right game where a girl confessed her love to her best friend before LITERALLY DYING FOR HER#only for the best friend in the next scene to be like ‘erm i’m not gay 😐 awkward…’ and she’s NEVER BROUGHT UP AGAIN#qcode productions are kinda like the fast fashion of fiction podcasts i think#they churn out so many so quickly and they always feel just slightly unnatural or superficial#not to mention when i tried looking into them years ago and it’s impossible to find#literally anything about them. like their minimalist ass website was so insanely insanely vague#and yet clearly they’ve gotta have a fuck ton of money backing them to have this absurd amount of a-list talent on board#(which really i think that is all they care about)#anyways yeah some markiplier fans are gonna get pissed at me for not kissing the ground he walks on. but i was one of you. i AM one of you#and i hate that somebody out there is holding the iron lung movie over us like we’re dogs and if we wanna watch it#we gotta watch this show. which BTW they are giving no details about where to watch it#and seemingly no promotion or marketing material for a show that’s been in production for years coming out in less than 3 weeks#just weird as fuck man. and i don’t even think mark has much to do with it
9 notes
·
View notes
Text
i need to learn to bake something new as everyone at work already knows i'm bringing them some carrot cake on friday....
#as some of u may have heard several times this month or any time the number 22 is mentioned its my bday on friday#so im baking something to bring to work#and i can bake more than just carrot cake#i think ive brought brownies to work more often than carrot cake. and ive also dabbled in chocolate chip oat cookies#and mokkapalat.#and yet#i saw my boss today and she jokingly was like ''haha i guess we'll be getting some carrot cake on our big planning meeting on friday''#which. hold on just to preface this i actually like my boss and she has my best interests in mind and shes v nice.#anyways i didnt even tell her id be baking smh. i mean i always bake something for work when theres a special occassion but still#and howd she guess it was carrot cake. ok probably bc thats my fave but still#i know i have a complaining tone in here but i think its funny and silly#i know i'm a predictable person but sometimes it manifests in weird ways#i did not know my carrot cake baking was THAT predictable#oh. i was thinking of going to the liquor store on fri bc its a tradition of mine and they have a new#cant remember if it was white or red but anyways some type of new seasonal flavor of wine glögg#i think regular glögg is superior but man can you imagine a red wine glögg with carrot cake#cozy spices...#especially since my carrot cake recipe is very winter-y as it has cinnamon and clove in it#i usually love lighting candles and getting cozy on the sofa as soon as the days get short#but i havent done that yet this year#can u imagine. little lights and candles on. red wine glögg and carrot cake. sitting on the sofa under a blanket.#watching something on the tv.#would love to read but its not ideal in candlelight#i usually like having a big light on bc i like to see but it's nice being in a dimly lit room when its dark anyways#leevi talks
8 notes
·
View notes
Text
i think this is a really interesting comment for taylor to make considering she never actually had any personal experience with alec’s desire for revenge. iirc she was actually a little taken aback by the idea when aisha brought it up after he died, probably because she never fully understood his disaffectedness for what it was (an extreme trauma response). but over a year later this makes me feel like taylor sees aisha’s revenge against heartbreaker as solely alec’s, as opposed to something they were both invested in but that aisha had to take the burden of. the idea that aisha is “acting like regent” when she talks about revenge and not acting like herself i think is inaccurate, it’s just not a stance i would have expected from taylor necessarily. ig she really internalized aisha saying that he did want revenge, even though aisha is the one who did the revenging? did alec ever express that desire in front of taylor? if he did, i forgor ^_^;
#i think taylor mentioning the wisecracking is interesting too just bc i think i understood alec’s tendency to do that as something that#naturally involves aisha. but i guess that’s not entirely true because she also sometimes tempered him/held him back from going too far#so it was a combo of them fueling each others’ fire but aisha also acting as the rock that keeps alec from veering off-course socially#that is to say i think it would be more accurate to say that aisha isn’t ‘acting like regent’ but that this is what aisha acts like WITHOUT#regent reciprocally being HER rock#does that make any sense is that even right…. i am merely a dedicated student of aishalec studies not a qualified understander……..#worm liveblogging#worm spoilers#undescribed#frogs.txt
11 notes
·
View notes
Note
I guess to follow up that I know as a fandom we agree that Odalia favors the twins but I kinda just realize, we haven’t seen her intact with them that much either. Does she favor them really? Or does she neglect them while abusing amity the most? And what do they think of her?
i think the facts that she favors them AND the fact that she just neglects them more while abusing amity more are both true
(i think around early s1 that was one of the sources of their rivalry with amity. amity resented them for being odalia's favorite, they resented amity because she got more attention from both parents)
i think it's best represented by that one scene in coth where she's scolding amity like "you've even got the twins to act out!" (whereas we know well that the twins do not need prompting to "act out" and that their plans for causing chaos were way more extreme than amity's). the mix of blaming amity but also clearly not knowing anything about her oldest children.
i think she may even have moments of expressing affection to them but it's things that just feel hollow. praises that feel more like she's praising herself, expensive gifts that don't suit their tastes at all, etc.
most of what we hear them say about her in canon is just "don't tell mom!" i think they mostly see her as the threat she is. but at the same time their feelings towards her are probably complicated, the way most people's feelings towards their shitty parents are at that age.
i think when they were young, they might have gravitated more towards her than alador, because they were her favorites but not his. but as they grew up they realized that both of their parents were pretty equally neglectful to them.
my headcanon is that soon post-divorce, they're equally wary of both alador and odalia, because both parents neglected them pretty equally throughout their childhood. but as time progresses, alador improves and apologizes while odalia stays stuck in her old ways and refuses to acknowledge her mistakes, so they slowly end up not talking to her anymore. like it's more of a gradual thing than the way amity cut her off. (i had begun exploring this idea in a post-canon fic that i never ended up finishing)
#eliot posts#toh#the owl house#odalia blight#emira blight#edric blight#i am projecting a wee bit onto them bc my family dynamic was like#i was my parents' favourite but my sister got more attention especially from my mother#(and my mother would POINT OUT that she was giving my sister more attention to like. make me jealous??? and my father was very obvious-#about favouring me. idk as some weird way to form a rivalry between us or something???)#so i'm kind of drawing from personal experience when i make the conjecture#that being the favourite and being neglected more (but directly abused less) can go hand in hand sometimes#tho yea being the favorite and being neglected more can Seem like v contradictory things of you aren't raised in that kind of situation lol#abuse mention
22 notes
·
View notes
Text
...
#ay. tomorrow might b the day i face the music#which is to say. i tell my advisor how fucked i am. i mean. ill spin it so it doesn't sound so bad#its just that ive told him like 2 weeks in a row that id send him my edited preproposal and i have not bc im too afraid to start reading#papers related to my project. which is frustrating. and like the thing is. and i kno ive said it before and i kno im not a fucking idiot#i can read papers and i can even understand what theyre broadly saying. but thats it.#zero critical thinking. zero insight. i use all my tiny fucking brain space to try to understand the words on the pages#and even then it only forms this broken fucking image of whats being said. like u dont understand. i used to struggle with writing papers bc#i couldnt fucking connect what i was saying from one paragraph to the next when i was the one doing the fucking writing.#what the fuck am i doing here? and again. im not stupid. i can follow the information if its fucking said out loud but thats not how this#works. and it just feels like sometimes there's a limit to what you're capable of and im at that fucking limit. the undergrads in my lab#have more ability to comment on papers than i do. its so fucking frustrating and i just have to live with knowing itll never get any easier#so what the fuck can i do other than drop out? theres no god damn way im gonna pass a comprehensive exam. not unless i buckel down and break#myself in half to try to retain all the information i need to. which requires that i read so many god damn papers that i cant fucking read.#just. why tf did i pick a career path where my suffering is inherent to a huge part of my job? i feel like ive consistently chosen to take#the hard path in life and ive finally stumbled too far from what is possible for me#so well see what comes out of my mouth tomorrow when i have my weekly meeting. i just feel like its my last semester#i feel like this is it. i just need someone to fucking hire me. bc everytime my lab mate mentions something abt#my project down the line or talks abt future conferences i should attend. im just like. its a nice idea but that's not happening. im just#at the end of the line and it sucks#unrelated
16 notes
·
View notes
Text
yyh shipping opinion charts (NIGHTMARE MODE)
blank versions below cut
#anyway this is the first time i've done one of these and there's just. so many yyh characters that get shipped in all kindsa ways and it's#cool + i thought this'd sum up my opinions nicely. if there's no lines between something 1) i forgor 2) i didn't think it was worth mention#the first chart is just a highlights reel of the second. basically focusing on the ships i see the most#everything else is highlights reel since idk if anyone ships like. tarukane and raizen yk#anyway ft some of my crack ships (usually in light blue or green sometimes boiling down to haha i fucked ur mom/gf)#some of them i waffled on a bit. i think i like kurahi and yusukeiko Roughly the same amount? ish? eh whatever#also the best ship is obv suzuki x rando x shishiwakamaru x suzaku bc i think they're all losers who deserve each other#i kept forgetting characters so sorry if your blorbo isn't on here. kaito and kurama would be green btw. nerd violence...#yyh#yu yu hakusho#shipping chart#yusuke urameshi#kazuma kuwabara#kurama#hiei#botan#shizuru kuwabara#yukina#keiko yukimura#atsuko urameshi#younger toguro#genkai#uhhhhh#yoko kurama#sorry it's hard to remember everyone#mukuro#yomi#raizen#kuronue#koenma
23 notes
·
View notes
Text
part of the problem is that a lot of hugo's politics are really well thought out & considered & good but then some of them are like. entirely vibes-based to the point of feeling muddled & inconsistent & even straight up Bad sometimes. which is annoying
#sometimes it's like he's just saying things. chewing it over in real time but not getting anywhere really. which is frustrating when you've#just been immersed in a really deep & serious point he's carefully made & laid out just before#<- e.g. this section of revolt vs insurrection has some good points ig & could be interesting if it was actually grounded in some sort#of idk. political theory or something. but instead he spends a lot of it just falling back on ~vibes which sucks Especially bc#sometimes that 'sense' misleads him i think! and he ends up wandering closer to certain reactionary ideas than he intends#like he starts w this really banger bit basically making fun of the bourgeoisie opinion on violent uprising but then?? kind of ends up#doing that a bit himself by the end? not to mention that tbh i think the whole distinction he's trying to make here is kind of bogus anyway#it really feels he's trying to soothe his like lingering bits of conservative discomfort around this sort of armed uprising#by sorting it into a 'good' 'type' while maintaining a 'bad' 'type' for anything he's still not comfortable with#<- i wouldn't phrase that quite so harshly except i still think his bit on 1848 is annoying & this sort of goes hand in hand w that towards#like. actually actively working against the values he's trying to strive towards. y'know.#it's like you can see genuinely him intellectually trying to come round but he has still not let go of these#sort of like. instinctive conservative bourgeois discomforts in his subconscious. if that makes sense#thoughts#<- also the take on caesar & alexander & columbus etc. 😑🚬 i'm tired#kind of funny though bc sometimes his characters (i.e. like the amis) come across as having more clear grounded discussed well#thought through political opinions than he does. lol. it's like he saw the vision but was struggling with it personally at times#les mis
10 notes
·
View notes
Text
.
#tw suicide#idk i feel like i am probably gonna kms after TIT#i would do it sooner but i asked one of my friends to come with me and it would suck if i made him go alone#and it is something to look forward to which is helping me hang on i guess#but ughhhh once uni starts again in september i know everything is gonna fall apart.#i already got an extension on my thesis due to being a useless shell of a person who can't motivate themselves to do anything atm#but i was supposed to get some work done over the summer and have so far done nothing#hence why i want to kms before i have to talk to my fucking supervisors again and admit yet again that i simply cannot do this 😭#and it's not just this. my executive dysfunction has been so bad over the past couple of years and it's only getting worse#to the point where i can't imagine being able to work at all. and if i can't work i can't get out of my parents house#and then what the fuck is the point.#every time i see someone on here talking about bonding with their parents over dnp I'm like damn what's it like#to have parents who actually want to talk to you DSFGJJKL i know they let me live in their house at my big age#but that's only bc id literally be homeless otherwise and they're not like evil. they just don't love me#also went through a deeply embarrassing breakup recently#tl;dr ive been in love with this person for over a decade and i thought they were the dan to my phil or vice versa.#then after 10 years they left me and i'll spare the details but it has me wondering if they ever loved me#i thought it was a “let's live together and get a cat one day” relationship#but now i feel like for them. it was just a “sex and video games” type situation#i am trying soooo hard to at least be creative bc that makes me happy sometimes but it's hard to not be overly critical of myself#and now im getting to a point where i can barely even find any joy in this space any more. for a bunch of reasons#most of which revolve around me being extremely sensitive. and this is like my last bastion of dopamine so that fucking sucks#idk i don't see the point in my life any more. a social worker actually told me recently that i should consider euthanasia so.#it's just completely over for me i fear#this is not even mentioning all the damn migraines. and all the other ways in which my body simply doesn't work properly#sorry for this weird ass vent I'm not in therapy any more bc i couldn't find a therapist willing to treat me+all my diagnoses at this point#and im scared my friends will stop wanting to talk to me if i talk to them about this. several of them already have#the 2 friends i have left anyway. that's a whole other thing. when they said it's hard for autistic ppl to make friends i took that persona#so uh at this point it's vent here or develop a substance abuse problem. and im already halfway to having a substance abuse problem#anyway dan and phil for the love of god please fucking post something tonight. unfortunately you are my only hope
11 notes
·
View notes