#bc some people make it an option in their booking site and as someone who misses social cues i wanted to know what other autistic stylists

[dreaminginholo]

being autistic is getting made fun of and othered even by autistic people

[brickmvster]

potato, potato, my little baby potato...

Pairing: Ellie x Dina

Tags/warnings: fluff, pregnancy, childbirth, domesticity, motherhood, slice of life, pregnant dina

Word Count: 1766

Synopsis: A peek into Ellie and Dina's life before JJ was born.

Author's Note: wrote this back in june of 2022 and posted it on ao3, decided to post it here too bc why not <;3 here is the ao3 link!! also idk how well this will do bc I know this site mostly has x reader fics but I love elliedina with my whole soul OKAY. please enjoyyy comments are appreciated!!

When Dina first noticed her small baby bump, it filled her with pure joy. She remembered standing in front of the bathroom mirror, gently rubbing her stomach, eyes full of admiration. Ellie was behind her, hands wrapped around her waist, experiencing a fluttery feeling in her stomach at the thought of her being a mother – which is something she never would've imagined in her wildest dreams. In a dangerous world like the one they navigated, she never believed parenthood would be an option for her, nor was she really interested in it. Ellie thought children were cute, sure, with their contagious giggles and chubby faces, but she knew taking care of one would be more responsibility than she felt she could handle. But with Dina being with her, she felt this unbridled sense of confidence. Dina was caring and loving by nature, and Ellie had a hunch motherhood would come to her easily – with Dina by her side she had someone's footsteps to follow in.

Despite being pregnant, Dina was still very active around the house, much to Ellie's disapproval. Anytime Ellie saw Dina on her feet, whether she was doing the dishes, taking out the laundry, or even getting up to put her plate in the sink, she always made a face similar to that of a displeased mother who couldn't get her sick child to lie down. But Dina always retorted with "It's not like I'm completely immobile yet, so don't worry." 

Dina also spent a lot of time preparing for their baby's arrival, with the help of Ellie and some fellow Jackson residents. 

Maria had connections with a lot of people in Jackson. Random strangers were kind enough to give Ellie and Dina a ton of baby-related things, like a crib, toys, and even books. They spent a whole day setting things up and figuring out where to put certain items, and when they had finished, Dina began to cry, feeling overwhelmingly grateful. Ellie was right there with her, rubbing her back in a soothing manner and holding her close, almost being brought to tears herself as she gazed upon the empty crib.

A few more weeks went by, and Dina's baby bump was getting pretty large. Dina started complaining more about her back hurting, and she couldn't be on her feet for very long. Nevertheless, she still helped Ellie around the house when she could, with small breaks in between. She began using the bathroom more frequently, which quickly began getting on her nerves, as it disrupted her sleep, or interrupted a good reading session. Ellie would always chuckle whenever they were in bed together, her nose buried in a Savage Starlight comic and Dina practicing her embroidery, when all of sudden Dina would groan loudly and reluctantly get out of bed, angrily making her way to the bathroom for the seventh time in just thirty minutes. 

Then, of course, it got to the point where walking was something Dina did only when she needed to. It had been eight months and her stomach looked like it was ready to burst. Ellie found herself helping Dina walk up and down the stairs, getting out of bed in the morning, and even getting up and off of the toilet. Jackson residents also gave away some maternity clothing, which Dina often lounged about in. Even though pregnancy was miserable for Dina, Ellie couldn't help but notice how beautiful she had gotten. Dina had always been attractive in Ellie's eyes, even since they were kids, but Dina really seemed to glow now. 

Before, Dina's hair was always in some sort of up-do, because she was always doing various tasks around the house and needed it out of her face. But since she's been lazing about more often, she usually wore her hair down, and Ellie was in love with how thick and long it had gotten, her unruly curls framing her face in the most breathtaking way. Her skin was brighter, and it almost seemed to shine in a way that totally captivated Ellie. Sometimes, Ellie would find herself ogling at Dina whenever she was doing some random, mundane task, to which Dina would always notice and turn into the prettiest shade of red.

Right on the cusp of her delivery date, Ellie and Dina had a small baby shower. They had a wonderful time, Dina spending hours unwrapping cute onesies, even more toys and a couple parenthood books. It all felt so normal, so domestic, that it almost made Dina cry again, but she kept it together for the sake of her guests. 

It was late at night when their child decided to arrive. Ellie was wide awake, reading her comic book, while Dina was trying to figure out a crossword puzzle. It was quiet and the room was basked in the cozy, soft lighting of the bedside lamp. Dina couldn't seem to figure out the last word of her crossword and decided to give up and try again tomorrow morning with a fresh mind. She turned to her side, groaning at the heaviness at her stomach, and shut her eyes. Ellie glanced at her briefly, smiling softly and whispering "Goodnight, babe." 

The room was quiet once again, Ellie getting immersed into the fictional world of Savage Starlight, but after about five minutes, Dina was startled awake, feeling wetness trail down her legs. She sat up rather quickly, as quickly as she could, anyway, and Ellie turned to her with a confused and slightly concerned expression. 

"Do you need to use the bathroom again?" Ellie asked, ready to get up and assist her girlfriend. Dina shook her head, her eyes having widened ever so slightly, cheeks flushed, and heart rate steadily increasing. 

"Ellie… I think… I think it's time." Dina said. It took a little bit for the words to register in Ellie's mind, but when they did, she was immediately kicked into action, setting her comic book down and getting out of bed. 

"Okay. Let's get you comfortable, yeah?" She said, peeling away the damp comforter that was on top of Dina. She had Dina lie down a little bit while still staying somewhat upright. Dina instinctively opened her legs, trying to get started on removing her underwear. Ellie helped her, pulling them completely off and discarding them haphazardly. Afterward, Ellie quickly ran to the bathroom and grabbed a towel, aiding Dina in rolling over so she could place it under her. She had also grabbed scissors and placed them on the nightstand.

Ellie's palms were sweaty. She remembered asking a mother at the baby shower how to prepare for birth, and Ellie tried her best to recall the woman's advice. It was stressful, trying to think while Dina was screaming at the top of her lungs, holding Ellie's hand so hard that her knuckles had turned white as bone. Ellie just tried to be as encouraging as possible, keeping her tone of voice even and steady throughout the whole process. 

Eventually, the room was no longer being filled with Dina's cries of pain but instead her labored breaths and the shrill sound of a baby crying. Their child had finally entered the world.

Dina, with tear streaked cheeks, immediately reached out for her child. Ellie held him briefly, smiling so hard her cheeks were growing sore. He was the most beautiful thing she had ever seen in this ugly, ugly world. Ellie made quick work of cutting the umbilical cord before carefully handing him to Dina.

"Hello handsome." Dina spoke softly, grinning tiredly. Ellie was overjoyed at the sight in front of her. They were mothers now. For Ellie, this was the most nervous she had ever been. Not even fighting hordes of infected had her this scared. But she was also excited to step into this new era of her life. She knew that motherhood was going to be a bumpy ride, but so long as Dina was with her, she knew that she'd get through all of the trials and tribulations just fine. 

"I think I've got a name." Dina said, bringing Ellie out of her thoughts.

Ellie raised an eyebrow. "Oh, yeah? Whatcha got?" She replied, a small smirk resting on her lips.

"How does JJ sound?" Dina asked. Ellie's smirk grew into a wide smile of approval.

"I like that. Suits him perfectly." She said. 

After JJ was born, life for the two new mothers definitely became more hectic. 

JJ would start crying late at night, and Ellie, wanting her beloved girlfriend to get all of the sleep she could get, was always the one who got up to calm him down. She would gently bounce him, humming some random tune to get him to relax, before lying him back in his crib. Ellie missed out on a few hours of sleep because of this, but she didn't mind it one bit if it meant Dina would wake up well rested (sometimes, though, Dina would pretend to sleep just to hear Ellie sing).

Feeding JJ could be nightmarish too. He was a picky eater sometimes, and would throw food on the floor or spit it out onto his bib, causing Ellie to roll her eyes and Dina to giggle at the sight. Dina was definitely more patient when it came to JJ but she knew Ellie would get there – slowly, but surely. 

Changing diapers was mostly a Dina thing until Ellie got the hang of it. Before, she would always put them on backwards, much to Dina's confusion. 

Aside from all of the difficulties, there were plenty of joyous moments that the two mothers shared with their son. Often, Ellie would play guitar for him. Whenever Ellie was out hunting, or doing some general sweeps around the outer perimeter of the house, Dina would spend that time coloring with him, or playing with wooden shapes. She tried to get him to participate in activities that would not only be fun for him but educational as well. If Dina was busy, Ellie loved to (carefully) run around the house with JJ on her shoulders, his contagious laughter bouncing off of the walls. 

At night, Ellie and Dina loved to read him bedtime stories, both playing multiple characters and doing the silliest voices they could come up with until JJ slowly drifted away into a peaceful slumber. 

The both of them would then climb into bed together, exchanging "I love yous," after which Dina would continue to read her parenthood guidebooks and Ellie would begin yet another chapter of Savage Starlight, the both of them sitting in a comfortable silence.

[mcalhenwrites]

A break from social media and how I use it has really been good for me. I need to be careful not to be sucked back in again. I should aim to mostly just post updates, but I do want to talk about my characters/writing as well. I will continue promoting my book, and ofc my Patreon and KoFi which are both "MCalhen" ;) I've been thinking about taking most (not all) of my fics and original works out of the private collection on AO3. I have a dilemma with one fandom (it's a nightmare circus of drama and several authors were chased out or hurt well before me), but I hope to eventually have the nerve to overcome that and say, "Too bad, you have to put up with the existence of my writing alongside yours. Get over it." Another thing is that Rascal isn't coming out of the collection. I plan to delete it. It's getting edited, I'm adding a couple of scenes I think would benefit the storytelling, and I'm publishing it. :) I'm on the fence about whether or not to release the original Seasons with comments closed, bc while it might be fun to compare it to the new one... so many things have been improved. Maybe it's also important to realize that if someone is that fixated on saying an earlier draft is permanent, that's a them issue and has nothing to do with me. A lot of my current WIPs are divided between if I'm going to publish them or post them on AO3. I have a few that I'm uncertain about either way. I want to share some work for free, and I have some stuff that's dark enough, self-publishing isn't much of an option right now. Note that when I promote my patreon and kofi, it's for original writing and art. No fanfic or fanart. The only link it has to AO3 is that I draw sketches of things from original stories posted to AO3. I will never post commercial links to the site, as that is against TOS. Seasons will always be free. Which leads to another thought: I wonder if I could get away with crossposting it to any sites? (I considered fictionpress.) I'm feeling better and want to keep sharing my work. I want to keep monetizing some of it. I want to be an author. I also really want to share things for free. Seasons is one of those stories that resonates a lot with people, and I know how badly I've always needed a story like that told. It's why I write, is to tell stories I need. But that one is... uniquely special and personal. I always want it to be accessible without any paywall. But I still need to make a living. So some books will be sold. Some will not. Just slap me if I ever get to be one of those big names who thinks I can do whatever I want, like those people on AO3 who say that they won't update their fics unless you pay them on patreon. (That's something you report to AO3 as a violation btw) I don't know where a good place to ramble about my stories is - probably here, since people can send me asks about characters and stories - but I'd like to do that, bc I enjoy doing it. :'D Anyway, I have my goals mostly figured out. Maybe someday I can post more of my work without hiding it away (yes, what you see is a fraction of what I write). Maybe I can also publish and make enough money to afford things I need, including a house with a yard and garden.

[noritoshiikamo]

and i know it may sound like im faulting the creators for wanting to earn, but it's just...tumblr is one of the very few media&writing platforms where monetisation & subsequent "subscriptions" (as in kofi, patreon, etc) is by choice. everything feels lax and a tad more personal, and that's what I've always loved about this place, no matter how stupid and chaotic it becomes at times. literally every other site monetizes, and it just feels distant, vv professional. i knows it's all about money and business but cant we keep this space to ourselves? i legit only come on here to check up on people i follow, because i feel like we're all just distant friends lol everything feels intimate and personal, it's just the atmosphere on here (smtimes its a tad too much tho lol),,,and it kinda makes me sad that's going to disappear. yknow coz you change your mannerisms and approach to cater to an audience that's paying for you,,, i wont see you talking about how you went for a boba run or screaming about how sukuna looks so good in this fanart ("agshsjdjdkdkdkdks hot hot hot" -- this isnt the type of content a paid creator will put out) there really is a good number of options out there, kofi is one of the best, if not the best, for such situations. even so, there's other platforms for the other stuff (radish for example) if that's their issue. why is tumblr trying so hard,,,is tumblr running out of funds to keep the servers, what's going on? yknow what i mean? like instagram, youtube, freaking wattpad -- god forbid twitter pulls something like this.

and yeah, it's going to be like wattpad ngl it's going go be dead. sure, there are still lots of people on there,,,but i think you understand what im getting at? the site legit feels dead. i still have wp because of one sole book that I've been waiting for an update for about two years now, but i would have deleted it if it weren't for that. remember how wp used to have a group chat feature? it was so fun too, and everyone was engaging and interacting with each other :<<

ahhh well. i cant imagine many people staying if it pushes through. I'll gladly support if i want to, and when i have the means to do so. it's just...damn did tumblr really think this through? especially with that feature where you cant block a person once they're subscribed to you? i can just feel the minors scrambling to see past the 'dni' lmaooo

no no, i think most of the creators (who writes fanfics) understands that we shouldn't be making money of people's art, tipping is still okay i think but monetizing a whole ass shit is bad news

same, yall see how my blog goes i feel like me screaming help on genshin, barking over some arts are not worth to be charged for my followers to pay. i have ko-fi if someone wanna tipped me but im doing this 100% completely for fun, i dont wanna monetize my smut or anything bcs first, im not responsible for people's online experience, if you dont like smut or anything, youre free to scroll away and second, i understand as a fellow broke bitch, i remember being sad on wattpad bcs i cant read certain story bc i need to pay and such so yeah lol plus this is my hobby, not a work

sadly monitoring minors should be their priority than monetizing, bcs im seeing people at low as 15 writing smuts and dark content

[hotchs-bitch]

hiiii!! i saw your post and it made me wonder (bc i have absolutely no idea about the difference): is it different to post here, archive of our own or wattpad? bc maybe the problem could be tumblr, bc maybe people doesn’t want to reblog or comment here, but will have no problem doing it somewhere else? idk just having thoughts and thoughts hahah im sorry this is happening to yall :(

Hi anon!!! This is a really good thoughtful question, and I’ll do my best to provide an equally thoughtful answer.

In my humble opinion, as someone who has only posted to tumblr and ao3, each site has their pros and cons. (Yes I keep meaning to get wattpad oops)

Ao3 pro- the filter options make it easy to find work curated to exactly what you’re looking for, and filter out anything you don’t want to be reading. Also, bonus for it being a 100% fanfic website. As a reader, I believe that unless you bookmark it publicly, no one can see what you like/comment from your profile so that also lends some privacy when it comes to reading and supporting things you’d be ashamed of people knowing you’ve read (if that makes sense)

Ao3 con- it doesn’t bring the same level of connection that sites that feel more ‘social media-y’ might, so whereas friends might hype each other up on tumblr and reblogging is possible, ao3 is based solely off of tagging and hoping that someone searches up something along the lines of your tags. No external boost or support to get your work off the ground; it feels a bit more like it has to prove itself to get kudos

Tumblr pro- basically the opposite of ao3 cons. Reblogging and supporting other peoples works are a couple great things about this site, not to mention the connections that can be made because of it that might not happen on ao3. Follows and DMS are two features that aren’t on ao3 either

Tumblr cons- a lot of people treat this site like Instagram, where they scroll without interacting (this is the big one). There’s also all kinds of filter blocks, especially for nsfw content, that can make it harder to find particular pieces. When you reblog, it’s public; that means that if you’re reading the dirtiest and filthiest smut on the face of the earth and you’re a blog about how cute puppies are, your followers are in for quite the surprise when you decide to support your secret favourite author

Wattpad pros- again I’m not on wattpad, so I don’t know much about it. I’ve heard very good things about the line by line commenting feature, and that makes me think that interaction is likely to be better there for fics that people enjoy

Wattpad cons- you know what? I hate that you have to have an actual book cover to post. I think that’s really annoying. Also I don’t know enough about wattpad to d factually give you any other cons

[evilvarric666-archive]

This is gonna be long, so sorry in advance, but as someone who enjoys long fics here are my two cents:

I get why some ppl may not want 75 tags in fics, but this is gonna hurt long fic writers. On a long fic there are probably gonna be more relationships that are central to the plot that aren't the main ship. And side pairings that may be a squick to some ppl. Not to mention trigger warnings and tone tags.

For example: a long fic with the pairing Y x Z. Z had an abusive relationship, and that's gonna be explored. So the author tags abusive relationship, bc that's a trigger, but an explanation next tag saying "not current ship" or smth.

Then Y has very important friendships with some of the cast. These are central to the plot so they're tagged too.

Turns out, character W is controversial in the fandom, but they're central to the fic too. The author is gonna tag after the character tag W positive/negative; so ppl who don't wanna see positive/negative things about W can skip this.

And guess what? Ship A x B appears in this fic too. Maybe it's not that central, but this ship is also disliked by some people, so the author will tag it, so ppl can filter through.

Another problem is with media that has different mediums, like, the media Y, Z, etc are from has movies, and books, and games and a tv show. All these things actually have different stories, different enough at least that ppl may only want to see fics written for the movies! But the author wants to take plot from the movies and the books. So instead of just tagging the all media tag for that media, they also tag media (movies) and media (books)

These tags end up accumulating. And especially in long fics. The author could make the first chapter a list of tws and stuff that they keep updating, but that destroys the purpose of ao3 tags: you can't filter content like that, you can only filter tags.

I honestly think they should just find a way to delete the fics with the trolling tags, or make a readmore thing so it doesn't hurt the browsing. At the very least make the tag limit longer.

sorry in advance that this is going to be rambly and weird. I have a lot of thoughts.

I get where you're coming from but I also still disagree. Like it's definitely going to change the way longfic writers tag, but I really don't think it's going to hurt them. I think it's going to encourage more effective tagging and that that's going to be better for everybody in the long run. If anything, I think that overtagging is what's hurting longfic writers, it makes their works look unappealing, and actually important information gets buried in a wall of text.

i will admit though that I do understand better now why less room for trigger tagging is going to be an issue. My preferred tagging style is "General/umbrella warnings in the tags, with whatever elaboration/specifics the author deems necessary in an author's note/author's notes at the beginning of each chapter" (example: "animal death" in the tags, so that the filters catch it + people who can't handle the subject At All know to keep scrolling, and then the author's note specifying that its in the context of game hunting & not a pet death, so that people who were uncertain and needed more info could click in and get the specifics.) and I thought that preference was pretty universal? But apparently a lot of people use the tags as an exhaustive list of warnings, which I didn't know because when I see a work with more than, well with more than 75 tags, I just start scrolling until it's gone.

(this is a tangent and I get that my experiences are not universal. but I genuinely dislike full warning lists in the tags because, for me at least, it makes it harder for me to figure out if the story is something I can/want to read. The things I Really Do Not Want To Read about are rare, and rarely tagged the same way twice, so the exclusion filter isn't really helpful for me. I have to actually read the full list of warnings and if the things I'm looking for are sandwiched inbetween a bunch of trope/character tags in a big wall o text I am going to miss it. This has happened to me multiple times.)

I think that that's an ineffective tagging style, basically. Lots of tags is kind of the opposite of useful tags, imo. Short, to the point and consistently worded warnings are better and I think having less space will encourage people to do that. I understand why people do this other style, though, and also why it would frustrate them that they can no longer do that. I think it really sucks that ao3 let everyone wild west their website for so long that it managed to spawn like three distinct groups of people who all use the website in completely incompatible ways, and now it's at the point where any new rule implemented is going to screw a lot of people over no matter what. But I digress.

Anyways, as long as someone isn't putting Revolutionary Girl Utena levels of warnings in their tags (and if your fic needs that much... maybe you should just put yur top 10 biggest warnings on there and slap a Dead Dove Do Not Eat on the end there, yknow?), I think that 75 tags will fully accommodate them. I get that tags start adding up, but also I think a lot of people are underestimating how many tags 75 tags is.

Like to just add up how many tags are used in your example: three / pairing tags, lets go crazy and say three more & pairing tags, tag every character tag in those pairings that's twelve, #abusive relationship + #not main pairing tags, three fandom tags bc multiple source mediums, a #[controversial character] positive tag... that's 24 tags. Like all the necessary character & pairing tags are handled in less than a third of the space given (and personally I consider this slightly over tagged. I think the only character tags you should put on a fic are the very mainest/pov characters, but yknow) and honestly if you can't then figure out a way to communicate the rest of the necessary information about your fic in 51 tags and a 1250 character summary then I really don't know how to help you. I personally would have to really push myself to figure out how to put more than 75 tags on one fic, regardless of the length of the fic. And I can't help but notice that a lot of the fics I could find with over 75 tags while searching last night had a lot of... unnecessary duplicate tags, often for information that could've been easily otherwise intuited (tagging #mandolorian #mandolore #mandolorian character and #mandolorian culture on a Jango Fett pre-series fic, for example)

I do have some criticisms about the current change though. I think it would've been better to have individual tag number limits for each individual field (x number of fandom tags, x number of character tags, etc.) instead of a 75 tags over all limit (or make a "warning tags" field that's separate from "additional tags" but that's a separate essay and would... probably mean overhauling the whole site. so not very practical.) A readmore option would be good too, and I'm not sure why they didn't go for that? I also think that this change will be most effective if done in combination with other changes. Like posting very loosely or not at all enforced official tagging/style guides for the site. I really think that even a tepid attempt at standardization will increase the site's usability like, A Lot.

I'm not sure how cohesive that was. TL;DR I appreciate hearing your thoughts, mine are that I still think this is a step in the right direction. And that cutting back on overtagging will lead to more concise, effective tagging which will make browsing and filtering easier in the long run.

[phoebehalliwell]

if you could give 3 positive and 3 negative personality traits to each of the next gen, what would they be?

ooh love it. okay. we know i talk a lot. A Lot. i’m doing this in waves. first set of siblings under the cut (wcm). 2.9k. ily!

wyatt i think it’s say kind bc like. he genuinely tries really hard to be a nice person. considerate which is kind of the same as kind but again he like. he knows the elders almost killed him as a little kid he knows there’s a world where he does go dark side and that does weigh on him, so he tries to put other’s feelings first as much as possible. and then third positive trait ummmm generous which again is kinda all in the same category but it’s like. like wyatt is insanely talented not just like as a witch tho he’s that too he’s also like really smart but he’s not a dick about it he’s one of those kids who’s always like i’ll help u with your homework! what r u doing after school later! like. he has a wealth of knowledge and he doesn’t just sit on it he likes to share. this is one of the reasons henry jr is also so close with wyatt because like. they both share this genuine love and interest in the study of like old magicks so to speak like. histories of witches and demons etc most classes the rest of the next gen honestly find kinda boring. on the flipside his negative traits would be like um a tendency to play by the book he’s a little too strict not because he necessarily believes in it but more again he wants to stay in line so as not to get you know. murdered or w/e. another negative trait is a i would say wyatt gets like way too overattached, especially in relationships, but it’s not limited to that. yes he’s a jump then fall guy & i’ve written about this before (multiple times), but i also think it’s the same with like innocents. like the fact of the matter is is that you literally cannot save anyone but wyatt has never and will never learn to accept that and i think he gets. he takes it real hard whenever he loses somebody and gets really pissy and closed off in the aftermath. a third negative trait is like. overprotective. like. in my writings he’s not the twice blessed anymore but he’s still wicked powerful, and he’s also like. the eldest. so he kind of feels this burden to protect his family. it doesn’t help that throughout their youth like chris ever the demon hunter always sought out trouble and leo who Really Didn’t Want To Watch Chris Die Again kind of always passed on whatever the mission was to wyatt. which, yeah, gave chris issues, but it also gave wyatt issues! because in his head, it really is his responsibility to handle these things for his family. and, yes, sometimes he can relinquish this power a little bit like not actively hover over his family while they’re demon hunting, but if he’s not you know. actively there, he’s either scrying or he’s sensing (if he can do that idk) and just. he’s got this feeling that anything bad that happens to his family is his fault. like he has this great power, so if someone gets hurt, like, he should have been there because he definitely could have stopped it. however, this energy kinda harshes everyone else’s buzz, which is why the other tend not to involve wyatt in their plotlines too much.

moving on to chris who just for the record i already wrote for but thanks to the beauty of this site i accidentally clicked the wrong button & now it's gone. so. take two! i don't remember what i said. okay so first trait i'm giving him is. i honest to god cannot remember what i said previously no wait that's a lie because i remember now because it was interesting. because i think chris is interesting, and i think that's a good thing. because like. i wouldn't describe him as likeable i would not say he has the personality trait of Likable™ because like. he doesn't. but people still really like him. because he is interesting. like they see him and go huh wow i wanna know what's going on there all in all i think people kinda gravitate towards him. but of course flipside i think he doesn't necessarily choose to become friends with everyone who approaches him i think he tends to be a bit picky just because you know he's so guarded so i think he has friends but no like. really super close friends. so like first negative trait is he kinda appears aloof because i mean. he's kinda gotta lotta issues you know and it's not something you can really easily explain to someone non-magical because magic is so deeply ingrained into who he is (which also adds to the aloofness because there are just certain topics he'll drop certain things he just won't talk about and its not because he doesn't care or anything it's just like. that's a really big reveal and rather that spin some elaborate web of lies i think chris just like straight up does the i can't tell you that bit, which makes him seem you know well like aloof kinda a little bit dickish). and then of course there's also like. like a lot of vulnerability involved in understanding who chris is he really doesn't have any middle layers nothing that sits between the surface mortal chris and the charmed chris with an inferiority complex it's either you know it all or you know. he just seems aloof. but again like. i think he's interesting. so much so that a lot of people are just kinda willing to look past that. so like. a lot of just external relationships. surface level. & then another defining trait of his on the positive side is clever. because like. he's smart. like i think he's a really skilled witch i think he's an excellent spellcaster and then like. i also think he can do math and stuff (in my fic he is a coder so like. yeah.) but i think it's kind of beyond just like Oh He's Smart i think it's the way he applies his brains applies his knowledge that really kind of sets him apart from the rest i think he really is clever. and then third positive i think chris is resourceful. i think like. i think he likes to have a sense of indepence away from his family because like. i mean he is a halliwell and he doesn’t shy away from that but at the same time he doesn’t really want to like. lean on that rest on well the thing is it’s not even his laurels to rest on. he wants to have this sense of independence and he’s actually p good at getting it. like i having him living on his own (so 2 speak, he has like. 4 roommates? i’m p sure) and yeah he’s not super great at it from just like. a living perspective you know but he’s making it i think like paying his own rent all that and yeah like the food he eats isn’t great and his room is kind of always a disaster but like. he’s made it p far i think a lot farther than people thought he could no disrespect. so i think he's really able to take what lifes gives him and make the most out of it i don't think he likes to coast by on others' accomplishments. which kinda segues into the second negative trait which i think you probably could guess he's overly-independent like independent to a fault. because like. i think he really wants to define himself with kinda comes in a two-fold way because like. okay in-family he wants to. okay so like obvi, there's a major drop off in power between him and wyatt. and i think he's always kinda been insecure about it think what on earth caused such a cosmic fuck up that he's just a telekinetic and then his brother is like. a baby god. so i think chris really feels this need to prove himself worth of a place in the warren line like cement his skills as and really say you know i deserve this title. and then flipside!! he really doesn't want to rely on titles you know he doesn't want respect because he's a charmed one or because he's a halliwell he wants respect off his own merits he wants people to know him by his actions not the legacy he carries. (also maybe gives reason for chris to occasionally use the name chris perry in the altered timeline??) and then. kind of building off that negative trait for his third one i'm saying listless because like. i think the crucial difference between the chris from the dark timeline and chris from the light timeline is like. darktl!chris has always had purpose. like yes it's a shitty purpose it's a burden it's too much to place on one boy but he is the last halliwell you know it's like basically all on him to stop wyatt from you know annihilating the world. (someone should probably tell him the cupitches exist in the dark future lmao) you know from like very very early on in his life darktl!chris has known he's destined for something big and honestly he might fail but he's gotta give it the ole college try because this is the world on his shoulders he's gotta put up a good fight for it. lighttl!chris literally does not have that. he does not have some grand, epic purpose, some monumental destiny to fulfill and like. what is he supposed to do, you know? why is he here? and he feels like he should have some epic destiny hmm well no not exactly he wants some epic destiny but he feels like if there were some epic destiny to be had it'd probably pass over him in favor for something better just like everything else in his life does. like why is he here? literally why is he here i mean okay so like disclaimer is that chris in my story is like. 20/21 and um. also a college dropout lmao haha and like. call a spade a spade we're probz looking at some undiagnosed depression here like give him a zoloft he'll be fine but like. chris feels like he's kinda on a raft in the middle of open ocean in a sense like. the best option is to pick a direction and paddle and hope he reaches land but he's literally in open ocean there are no markers no indicators he doesn't know where to go and like. if he picks wrong he's just heading closer and closer to nothing at all emptiness death whatever And There's No Way To Know Which Way Is Towards Land. and if he fucks up, like, he's screwed. shout out to all my early twenty-somethings. woot woot. but yeah. i think chris really wants a sense of purpose that simply put he does not have and honestly? will not be getting. i am not giving him a prophecy. i am not giving him a destiny. he will have to live with that. and, at this point in his life, i think he's doing a p bad job at that. lmao.

melinda!! baby girl. angel. honestly? i'm going to give her kind too because i think a large part of her just really wants to help people. i've previously called her the most-whitelightery of the next gen, & then also she is currently going to school with designs to become a nurse because like. she's also an empath you know and i think she definitely has aspirations to kind of mix her magical and mortal sides find a balance of both worlds and use her magic powers to enhance how she can better care for people in a mortal way. i'd also say she's really understanding. like, she's the third sibling to the wyatt-chris duo And she's an empath like. even if she doesn't get it, she gets it. like. things are complicated relationships are complicated like she can literally feel all sides of the story whenever there's a wyatt-chris-leo argument and like. what? is only one of them right? is only one of them allowed to feel the way they feel? no. she gets it. she all kinda understands where they're coming from. she understands. and then third positive trait she's really loving. like she's not a person who's stingy with her love (in a platonic sense. i think it a romantic sense it gets a lot more complicated because like. as an empath on the first date well it's just too weird man and it's. it's not like she can't keep her feelings sorted it's just like knowing exactly how they feel about her….. like it's weird. pass.) but i think she really like. i think she loves her family i think she loves her friends like. ❤. wow. on the more negative side i think she kind of like. self sacrificial. like she'll goes to the ends of the earth for the people she loves before she ever stops to think about herself. she doesn't. like she won't self advocate she won't draw a line in the sand when it comes to the ones she loves she fails to um. to see how sometimes her needs might actually be more important that others like. like if she loves you she will walk until her feet bleed. like. you have to be real careful because like. if you ask her to do something like she'll do it you can tack on that "but it's fine if no you don't have to" because if she feels your need to have this task done she'll do it. it's for love. but it's not good. (she will also extend this to non-loved ones again if she feels their need their like desperate need because at the end of the day she's a giver. hey kinda like the giving tree. i think she loves that book.) i also think she's just a shade naive and i kind of hesitate to use that word because like. i feel like it implies kind of a lack of worldly experience and like. melinda has seen a lot. but i think she like really does kind of see the world through rose colored glass i think she believes that people are intrinsically good and want to help each other and um. this can kinda tee her up for a lot of heartbreak and/or disillusionment with the world when kinda the reality is placed there right before her and it just kind of blows. i think it kind of hurts fresh every time. and then a third and final negative trait i think she like takes on too much, from an emotional standpoint, and doesn't really give anything back. kinda the same as self-sacrificial, but like with a twist. like, yes, as established, she has a lot of love in her heart, and she will take on her friend's emotional burdens (as well as any other burdens they might have for her) but then kinda gives nothing in return. she's a bit guarded in a sense. because again. this all comes back to the empath thing. kind of build on the dating thing. you really get live feedback on what exactly they think about you when you unpack, and like. melinda can't take that. she's too in her head on how this directly impacts their view of her and then she's just reading them and not focusing on her own problems you know like. like ladies if you've ever hit like. 1:30 in the morning at a slumber party when shit starts going from hehehe chetoh doost lasdkajldf to like. i don't think i could ever reasonably get married because divorce has really been the only constant in my life and i genuinely don't think i could trust another person enough to tie myself to them legally.? that's melinda's mcfuckin time to shine i think she does play therapist/peacemaker like a lot she likes it because again. she likes helping people! especially the people she loves!! but um. she'll never partake the other direction she really doesn't like getting vulnerable herself because like. you know if your friends are lying to you like you say something really personal and then cap it off with a y'know? and they all go yeah totally but you can feel them going what,,, the fuck. no?? like. like melinda could not take that it has not happened to her yet (probably) but she's come up with the hypothetical and she could not take that. this doesn't really extend to family just because she knows them so long like oh what chris thinks she's lame? okay. wyatt thinks she's overreacting? yeah i know what i've seen buddyboy. & then. for the record. neither or her brothers would never think she is lame or overreacting even If melinda is being lame or overreacting because they just like wouldn't they know her too well. but melinda's def the person who comes up with worst case hypotheticals in regards to her relationship/empathy powers like. all the time.

[theoniprince]

If you had to pick one name/alias/moniker to go by, fandom-wide, what would it be?

Where, besides Tumblr, can people find you doing fannish things? (Obviously only mention sites and usernames you actually want to be found at. Don’t expose your secret identities on my account.)

What other names have you gone by on these platforms, including Tumblr, if any?

When did you join the IT fandom? And what got you into fandom, to begin with?

What are your favorite ships, or characters, if any, and why? What do they mean to you?

In what ways do you participate in fandom? (ex. Posting memes, reblogging/commenting on content, writing fanfic, making fanart, creating fanmixes, etc.)

Do you have any in-fandom inspirations? Other members of the community that drive you? (And if you have the time/energy, in what ways do they inspire you?)

Name and link some of your favorite works, please!

Do you have any works of your own that you feel particularly proud of, or wish more people would’ve consumed? Please provide links if possible.

Have you ever participated in a fannish event (ie. IT Week, a fic Big Bang) or applied to be a part of a fanzine? If so, which ones, and can you please link them?

Without any form of bashing or lashing out, what is something you feel this fandom is missing?

First of all thank you so much for asking me!!! 8D It was a pleasure to answer all these questions. During this I got quite emotional (haha Stanpat, Eddie). It showed me again how much I love this 8DDD

( I apologize in advance for all misspellings and my sloppy English =_=)

If you had to pick one name/alias/moniker to go by, fandom-wide, what would it be?

Oh, what a start XD I'm not that into nicknames. Generally people using my first name to address me or my username which is mostly onyprince (in reference to a character from Hakuouki) ID Sometimes they say Oni or J(ay) (Nickname for my first name). Do as you wish (though I like ‘J’ the th most) 😉

Where, besides Tumblr, can people find you doing fannish things? (Obviously only mention sites and usernames you actually want to be found at. Don’t expose your secret identities on my account.)

Twitter. But everything I post there is also here. Feel free to follow my account, but you don’t have to. https://twitter.com/oniprince_

What other names have you gone by on these platforms, including Tumblr, if any?

Oniprince_ (Twitter) yeah… you see, I am pretty boring XDDD

When did you join the IT fandom? And what got you into fandom, to begin with?

Actually 23 years ago (haha I am old XD) When I was eleven I saw the miniseries with my cousins for the first time. The horror factor wasn't that important to me or maybe I didn't see it that way. It was more like an adventure story with an unfunny and nasty clown. A group of friends who had to endure an adventure. In any case, it entertained me well, even if I was not aware of some elements like that it’s a story about growing up, friendship, love and all these issues around becoming an adult XDD Then with 13 I read the book. It was a  new experience, and I loved every single word. Over the years I talked with friends and Kingsianer (XD) about it and read it for a second and a third time. At this point I could start a list with things I don’t like about the movies, but I’d rather mention on thing I really appreciate about them: they are a good opportunity for a new generation to explore this universe. Every adaption like the book itself is a reflection of a specific decade and what is more yeah… immortal, universal and diverse than a story about growing up. It was a discussion with a dear friend about book to movie adaptions some weeks ago that probably brought me back to this fandom

Nevertheless there are things from the book I would have loved to see in the movies. Let’s be honest at this point if you want to adapt such a brick of a book you simply have to cut some elements. You can’t please everyone

What are your favorite ships, or characters, if any, and why? What do they mean to you?

Ships:

Stanpat - orz q__q they are such a sweet couple and it is so heartbreaking, they never ever had a real chance to become parents. They would have been excellent parents. Imagine them on a beautiful summer day. They have a picnic with their children and Stan would watch birds with them. He would tell them all about the birds and keeps a journal about their observations with his kids

Reddie - Despite the constant teasing their realtionship seems like a natural, casual und easy thing from the start. And Eddie likes the nicknames. These secret names are like another identity. He can be someone else. They take care of each other. Their relationship is a deeper friendship that runs mostly on an emotional level and is sometimes expressed through small, physical gestures. The chemistry between them is indescribable. It is cute when 90s Eddie immediately starts to giggle as soon as Richie makes a dumb joke at their reunion. And thing about the little moments when Richie pokes Eddie and calls him cute. I am won’t quoting this one passage in the book that leaves much room for speculations, but there is no doubt their special bond is official. In any case, the decision to make Richie gay in the movies gave the ship another push. I don’t complain. I love it. Though I still think Eddie would have been a better option. There are already some scenes in the book which are like an invitation to speculate about his sexualityTheir chemistry is very obvious and believe me, there is nothing I would more appreciate than a happy end for them Q__Q

Benverly  „Your hair is winter fire

                   January embers

                  My heart burns there, too

This is one of sweetest things I have ever read in a book and that is all I need to explain why I love this ship.

Fav, Characters:  Hmm when I read „IT“ for the first time I had a crush on Bill. He ist the born leader and in my childish, pre-teen way found his stuttering cute. There is something about him that cast a spell on you. It is perfectly understandable that he was a role model and an inspiration for his friends – especially for Eddie. In my personal opinion book!Bill ist the best Bill.

Richie - I love this chaotic megane dude. He is this silly type who use jokes, pranks to protect himself. His voices are like safe heaven (the same goes for Bill, whose stuttering almost disappears, when he pretends tob e someone else). He hides himself and his insecurities behind them. It is a shame that he doesn’t know what an impact he had on his friends. Richie seems to never ever shut up and sometimes his trashmouth is still talking, when he better should be quite. And I am famous to fall for funny characters. He can lights up the mood immediately ( and OMG…. I love Harry Anderson in the miniseries. A real entertainer, BUT BILL HADER…. Bill Hader…just to make it clear BILL HADER  did such an amazing job. He rocked the movie and I still think, not just because I love this dude since over a decade, without him… the movie wouldn’t  have been so entertaining)

Eddie - He is in these abusive relationships. First with his mother, who keeps him small and makes him believe that he is weak. At the end her own fears of beeing left behind prevented her son from becoming a self-confident adult. Eddie always thought he is weak and fragile. Although he knows that he doesn’t need all this medication, his childhood experience were the reason for his coping-behavior as an adult – he still uses his inhaler. He married a woman who is like his mother. Mike's call was something of a turning point. Until this call Eddie could not overcome his fears and had to face them again as an adult. I can remember. While reading the book there were several moments of silence and I stopped reading and thought: poor Eddie.

Ultimately, his story is about a hero who surpasses himself, overcomes his fears and by sacrifice himself he protects what is most important to him - his friends. It just touched me. Eddie gave his life for his friends and I think you can say he's my favorite character. His death may be a tragedy, but it was necessary for his character arc. My theory is that Eddie represents someone who has lost track in his life and prefer to stick on old but unhealthy patterns.It is almost like Eddie stands for missed opportunities, but at the same time it is never to late to change something. He is a hero. There are so many things I would like to talk about, therefore I should start an own thread XDDD

Oh and Bev - I could always identify with her (not bc of abuse or domestic violence. My childhood was amazing). She is the only girl around the losers and I was the only girl in my  favourite clique too. We spent most of our time outside  - it was great. Of course I had other friends (female) as well, but with my boys… it was always special).. As you know as an adult she falls back in old patterns. Her husband is tyrannical man like her father. Again Mike’s call is a turning point.  Maybe the Benverly arc is the most satisfying. I was… I am very happy that Bev got her happy end.

Last but no least - I like Ben, Mike and Stan too. They have all there unique character treats and you sympathize with all of them. The Loser’s club is bunch of adorable idiots who just doing their best to become adults. I think it is normal that their friendship feels more intimate in the book – I highly recommand the book.

In what ways do you participate in fandom? (ex. Posting memes, reblogging/commenting on content, writing fanfic, making fanart, creating fanmixes, etc.)

Mostly fanarts, but recently I thought about posting my own theories and sharing my hcs and random stuff about the characters and the different relations.  

Do you have any in-fandom inspirations? Other members of the community that drive you? (And if you have the time/energy, in what ways do they inspire you?)

The fandom is full of amazing artists and writersand actually it would be a, but i want to name those who inspired me the most (mainly artists – hopefully I copied the links correcty):

https://tonyofthetrees.tumblr.com

https://meowsteryyy.tumblr.com

https://slashpalooza.tumblr.com/ ( you have to check out ‚Loose Ends‘)

https://coldcigarettes.tumblr.com

https://vvanini.tumblr.com/

https://eggocrumbs.tumblr.com

https://twitter.com/10_sgan

https://twitter.com/kasphacked

https://twitter.com/tac_nor

(oh.. the list got longer than expected IDDD)

Do you know this?

https://ragnarozzys.tumblr.com/post/189890790551/those-early-hours-after-a-sleepover-when-you-wake

Have you ever seen something as cozy and cute before I///D? – me neither XD

Trust me they are all worth a visit and I am sure most of us already know them 8D

Do you have any works of your own that you feel particularly proud of, or wish more people would’ve consumed? Please provide links if possible.

My art I provide on tumblr can be found here:

https://theoniprince.tumblr.com/tagged/myart

Honestly I like these the most:

https://theoniprince.tumblr.com/post/649446311120273408/my-first-reddie-sketch-now-scanned-the-quality

https://theoniprince.tumblr.com/post/649548606679007232/close-to-you-now-scanned-with-coloured

https://theoniprince.tumblr.com/post/650697175346593792/hammock-iconic-richie-is-reading-a-monthly

Have you ever participated in a fannish event (ie. IT Week, a fic Big Bang) or applied to be a part of a fanzine? If so, which ones, and can you please link them?

Oh… unfortunately I am not feelin‘ very confident about my own artworks. Sometims I have the feeling I am not creative enough and that my ideas are more or less boring. Nothing special ID Totally dumb – I know. As I mentioned before I came back lately to the fandom… I guess I missed many amazing IT weeks. I participated in some weeks/mainly shipweeks in other fandoms (Yakuza/Ryu ga Gotoku, FFXV) If I find an interesting annoucement I can imagine to participate in the future ; )

Without any form of bashing or lashing out, what is something you feel this fandom is missing?

In general… the fandom is really friendly – I hope so. Lately I have seen some salty comments on different stuff, topics… and well.. I have just an advice: life can be exhausting enough and time is always running. Don’t spend time on things you don’t like. Discussions can esclate quickly and worde can hurt too. So, just thing about before you jump in.

Thanks again! <3

(Special lil sketchy piece of art I did for this ask)

[kikifeliz]

THE WEEK AHEAD: May 3 - May 9, 2021

By Kiki Feliz

♋️♏️♓️ Cancer, Scorpio, Pisces

Looks like something major is going to shake up your world this week, y’all!

The energy you’re embodying this week is very organized, action-oriented, “get shit done” type of aura. Things are moving harmoniously for you in that respect (bring able to mobilize and start/finish new endeavors) but I do see some temptations or binding/limiting factors.

If you run into temptations or limitations, remember that all things must be balanced — no matter how much someone hurt you, revenge is not the answer!

You have a lot of tools at your disposal and you are also very intuitive. You know when someone is trying to scam or cheat on you. If that’s the case, tell that person to kick rocks; don’t act out of emotion, act from logic. Keep yourself tame, because if you act from emotion, thing will get very ugly. Focus on your craft, whatever that may be, instead. Focus on self-care, and clearing your head so you can make better judgement calls. Get the rest you need and avoid fighting because your words can cut like a knife.

Has commitment and marriage been on your mind recently? The Hierophant has come up 4 weeks in a row y’all. It may also be a commitment to school or organized religion/spirituality practices, but this card has been with us too long to ignore. What are you committing to, and what are your intentions here? You seem to be recognizing and realizing (as in making things become real) a lot of things this week, while also visualizing things through to their ultimate end. If that’s the case, make sure you are creating the life you genuinely want, and that can only be done if your actions match your intentions. Unfortunately, it doesn’t seem like the actions and intentions match, and many of your will be stuck on low levels of stability that are masquerading as the ultimate goal/vision according to society rather than your true dreams.

If you’re in a seriously committed relationship, it looks like a lot of things are coming between you at this time. I’n sensing breakup energy here, or at least some cracks in the foundation (shoutout to Kate Nash, who coincidentally is a Cancer and whose song “Foundations” I learned to play on the uke yesterday!). Things may seem unfair within the relationship; someone may be offered something they don’t really want, or may begrudgingly do something just because they feel like it’s the “polite” or “fair” thing to do to make the other person happy, when truthfully, they hate it. This will cause a rift, making one person reflect heavily on their status in the relationship and how they ultimately dream of their life turning out. The partner who is getting the short end of the stick may end up leaving, which honestly seems like the best solution for them — doing so will bring them wealth, sexual exploration, a new group of friends, adventure. Nevertheless, they may experience heartbreak as a result of leaving.

If you’re single or just dating, I see some of you spending time getting your spiritual energy up before exploring the dating pool again. Romantic options and admirers are coming your way, though, and they will finally recognize you for the boss that you are. You may have to travel (definitely have to get outside) in order to meet these people though. It’s possible it will happen while on a trip with your friends. If you do meet someone, I see them being a very sexy person, dominant personality... just overflowing with attractiveness. This sexy exterior may not actually translate to their bedroom persona, however. I see them ultimately being kind of a “vanilla” lover.

I don’t exactly know if this person is good for you. They seem immature in their approach, and non-committal for sure. The meeting may be fated, but that doesn’t mean it will last forever. I think y’all will end up having way too many differences in philosophy/mindset, which will ultimately lead to the connection’s downfall. I do feel like you will learn something from the encounter, though. Watch out and make sure you don’t end up pregnant, tho. I’m getting a sense that someone may try to trap you, possibly doing sneaky shit like saying they’re using contraceptives when they’re really not, etc.

Pregnancy is a possibility and if that does happen, I see 2 options, one of which is y’all co-parenting without being in a relationship to raise the baby. I see the mom ultimately ending up single (this may happen after an attempt at commitment, though). It is also possible that one of the parents could pass away (possibly as a result of illness) early on within the connection.

If pregnancy does indeed happen as a result of this encounter, I see the mom possibly being put on bedrest. It looks like the dad here would push for an abortion, and end up leaving the mom out in the cold bc they don’t want to deal with the burden.

In all relationships (especially the ones WITHOUT kids) it looks like some of you may end up deciding to try things a non-conventional way, but I also see some of you possibly eventually getting married just for the legal benefits. Someone is definitely going to bring it up, and the other party may do it begrudgingly just because their family wants them to. They do truly dream of a happy family, but the situation is uncomfortable bc one partner is much more emotional than the other and this could be an alienating factor within the partnership.

Lowkey I see the divine feminine here reflecting on the situation and deciding they want new dick, possibly leaving for a short time before returning to the relationship/commitment/family. They’re leaving because just really want to see what’s out there. Are they going to do anything while they’re gone? Probably... definitely getting orgy vibes, sex parties, just like really sexy stuff. Also, adventure-seeking vibes, etc.

This will be heartbreaking for the other party (the divine masculine), who is a little bit more boring and vanilla or withholding in bed. I see them being willing to put in the work to the relationship, maybe even dipping their toe into the emotional pool a bit as well (possibly agreeing to or suggesting counseling). If counseling does become an option, unfortunately, I don’t think they will choose the right counselor and I don’t see it going beyond 7 meetings/7 months. Sadly, this person also won’t really know how to be sexy without adding money to the equation. Money shouldn’t be your go-to when trying to make someone stay with you! That is manipulative!

Independence will be going to someone’s head, making them very paranoid and fearful of getting married or committing again. While I do see that person staying somewhat generous and helping those less fortunate than themselves or acting as a benefactor within the relationship, this will be out of obligation rather than out of the goodness of their heart. I also see them secretly being on social media a lot more or online dating sites, or creating a false idea in their head of what single life is really like. Really this person just wants to sit at home and cozy up with a book and be a parent, but the situation is making it hard for them to happily realize this dream.

If you have children, please make sure they are careful this week. Falls and accidents seem to be sticking out to me this week, or possibly getting cut on something sharp. It’s possible someone’s child may end up having to stay in the hospital after a dare or an accident. Something heavy may fall on a child. Be especially careful if you live by a body of water; drownings are possible. Some of the accidents I’m seeing may result in surgeries and a switching of custody if the parents are separated.

[kittywolves]

1-200 if you want lmao If not then just your favourites

200: My crush’s name is: don’t have one tbh, not romantically anyway

199: I was born in: west virginia, 2000

198: I am really: dumb

197: My cellphone company is: idk man

196: My eye color is: blue w/yellow bursts but they just appear green if you’re not super close

195: My shoe size is: 7+1/2-8

194: My ring size is: 7+1/2-8

193: My height is: 5′5″

192: I am allergic to: sesame :T

191: My 1st car was: N/A

190: My 1st job was: N/A

189: Last book you read: uh, Percy Jackson? i think

188: My bed is: warm, cozy, full of plushies & cat fur

187: My pet: CALCIFER!!! 

186: My best friend: uh,, i don’t have one?

185: My favorite shampoo is: idk fruity scents that aren’t watermelon

184: Xbox or ps3: PS3

183: Piggy banks are: cute or terrifying, no in-between

182: In my pockets: my phone

181: On my calendar: birthdays

180: Marriage is: cute 

179: Spongebob can: CAN SPONGEBOB FINALLY END PLEASE

178: My mom: can go die 

177: The last three songs I bought were? uhh, i haven’t bought any songs,,

176: Last YouTube video watched: DrawingWiffWaffles newest video

175: How many cousins do you have? 1

174: Do you have any siblings? yes, 2 alive 1 dead

173: Are your parents divorced? no,,

172: Are you taller than your mom? around the same height

171: Do you play an instrument? no, but i wish i could play the harp tbh

170: What did you do yesterday? uh, i went shopping with my mother and then watched Futurama 

[ I Believe In ]169: Love at first sight: ? i dunno anymore

168: Luck: i guess so, yea

167: Fate: yea

166: Yourself: no

165: Aliens: YES

164: Heaven: yea

163: Hell: yea

162: God: ? yea?

161: Horoscopes: not really

160: Soul mates: YESSSSS

159: Ghosts: yep!!

158: Gay Marriage: %100

157: War: no >:(

156: Orbs: what

155: Magic: yep!!

[ This or That ]154: Hugs or Kisses: hugs pls

153: Drunk or High: never been either, both sound fun

152: Phone or Online: usually use my phone tbh

151: Red heads or Black haired: all are adorable!!

150: Blondes or Brunettes:  a d o r a b l e ! !

149: Hot or cold: uhm, comfortable warm,,

148: Summer or winter: SUMMER

147: Autumn or Spring: HALLOWEEN !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

146: Chocolate or vanilla: CHOCOLATE 

145: Night or Day: NIGHTTIME

144: Oranges or Apples: apples 

143: Curly or Straight hair: both are great!! i have slightly wavy hair uwu

142: McDonalds or Burger King: neither >:(

141: White Chocolate or Milk Chocolate: MILK PLS

140: Mac or PC: um, idc

139: Flip flops or high heels:  F L I P F L O P S

138: Ugly and rich OR sweet and poor: SWEET AND POOR PLS GIVE ME A KIND BAB TO LOVE @ UNIVERSE

137: Coke or Pepsi: coke !!

136: Hillary or Obama: obama!!

135: Buried or cremated: cremated so i can’t come back :’)

134: Singing or Dancing: i can’t do either :(

133: Coach or Chanel: ugh, coach ig

132: Kat McPhee or Taylor Hicks: who or who

131: Small town or Big city: i live in a city, but a town sounds nice tbh

130: Wal-Mart or Target: TARGET

129: Ben Stiller or Adam Sandler: what

128: Manicure or Pedicure: PEDICURE PEDICURE PEDICURE

127: East Coast or West Coast: i live on the west, so west

126: Your Birthday or Christmas: MY BIRTHDAY BC I GET TO PICK THE THEME !!!

125: Chocolate or Flowers: flowers die and give off the aesthetic but chocolates are delicious so both

124: Disney or Six Flags: i love disneyland it’s just SO EXPENSIVE and six flags is gr8 for the thrills, plus i currently have a pass so

123: Yankees or Red Sox: who? which sport is this[ Here’s What I Think About ]122: War: blehhhh no

121: George Bush: idk american presidents lmao

120: Gay Marriage: YES YES YES YES YES YES

119: The presidential election: ew

118: Abortion: i’ll allow it lmao, i don’t think it’s great, but ik people will still get it whether it’s legal or not so might as well legalize it. also some cases actually need it so like,, yea!! let it happen!! pro-choice!!

117: MySpace: never used it lmao

116: Reality TV: ew ew ew ew EXCEPT FOR COOKING SHOWS

115: Parents: mine or just in general? bc eh

114: Back stabbers: M U R D E R  T H E M 113: Ebay: lmao shipping expenses 

112: Facebook: haven’t used it in years, do use messenger tho

111: Work: i like wedding coordinating with my aunt!! that’s about all the work i’ve done, oh and i’ve babysat

110: My Neighbors: don’t know em, they probably think we’re crazy tho, always yelling

109: Gas Prices: too!! high!!

108: Designer Clothes: eh, clothes are clothes, and some clothes are ugly (a lot of times it’s designer clothes blehh)

107: College: i mean i guess

106: Sports: go team! hit the ball! score the points! woo

105: My family: dysfunctional,,

104: The future: nooooooooooooooooooo

[ Last time I ]103: Hugged someone: uhhhhh....

102: Last time you ate: uhm, around 4?? maybe?? it’s 7 now

101: Saw someone I haven’t seen in awhile: uh?? i never see anyone OH i guess on wednesday last week,,

100: Cried in front of someone: ???? idk??? i cry while everyone’s asleep usually

99: Went to a movie theater: last week !! um, thursday?

98: Took a vacation: uhh, february, early march? i went to ohio

97: Swam in a pool: uh, last monday 

96: Changed a diaper: um, not this year lmao, maybe last year tho idk

95: Got my nails done: ???? i dunno

94: Went to a wedding: last november?? or wait no,, uhm i dunno sometime recently lmao

93: Broke a bone: never! did drop one in water tho :/

92: Got a piercing: december!

91: Broke the law: ?? i don’t wear seatbelts when i sit in the back seat lmao

90: Texted: around two hours ago[ MISC ]89: Who makes you laugh the most: um,, my friends

88: Something I will really miss when I leave home is: MY KITTY BABY

87: The last movie I saw: missing link! the stop motion- i’m a wh*re for animation lmao

86: The thing that I’m looking forward to the most: changing my name, moving out, getting married & having a stable life :’)

85: The thing im not looking forward to: being stuck here forever and eventually kmsing due to stress and depression :’)

84: People call me: Kitty!! Kiki!! (birth name) karebear!! 

83: The most difficult thing to do is: exist within the same room as my mother without bursting into tears or storming off 

82: I have gotten a speeding ticket: nope

81: My zodiac sign is: Virgo! Viriborn for all you homestucks! and dragon in the animal one!

80: The first person i talked to today was: my dad :’) and then i messaged @deanilise even tho she was asleep 

79: First time you had a crush: uh, as far back as i can remember i had a “crush” on Daphne Blake :D but i was like a small child and didn’t know what love was so anytime i saw anyone who i thought was cool or pretty or i wanted to befriend i had a supposed “crush” on them :/

78: The one person who i can’t hide things from: i try to be pretty open, but sometimes i just wanna close off 

77: Last time someone said something you were thinking: yikes idk

76: Right now I am talking to: like talking to or talking to? for the first, just some group chats for the second, no one

75: What are you going to do when you grow up: i wanna be an artist! i would love to be a youtube artist, but i fear i’m not creative enough for such things.. i would also like to be able to tell my stories!

74: I have/will get a job: i dunno,,

73: Tomorrow: church

72: Today: overslept, did some chores, been online

71: Next Summer: hopefully i can go back to colorado to visit my brother !

70: Next Weekend: ugh, church activities & then actual church, as well as other easter festivities

69: I have these pets: baby kitty, and some dogs.... 

68: The worst sound in the world: FORK SCRAPING ON BOWL, ERASER SCRAPING ON PAPER, DOG’S SNORING, MY MOTHER’S VOICE WHEN I’M HAVING SENSORY OVERLOAD

67: The person that makes me cry the most is: my mother, she’s like the only person that makes me cry unless someone says they’re attempting and i can’t get through to them

66: People that make you happy: @onedirtysock @aliaitee @deku-is-tired @deanilise @awkward-scarfy-boi @fourth-best-jeanist @bnhaworld @bnhya @helloiliketits @trashyfxndoms

65: Last time I cried: last night oops

64: My friends are: (see 66) they’re all very nice & supportive which is amazing & i love them all dearly

63: My computer is: a MacBook air with a galaxy cover

62: My School: not in one but the one i’m gonna go to in the fall is just a community college

61: My Car: N/A

60: I lose all respect for people who: hate on anyone, racists, homophobes, transphobes, pedos, terfs, ableists, etc

59: The movie I cried at was: uh, i dunno, but i was crying abt futurama the other night

58: Your hair color is: orange-y with dark brown roots, supposed to be dyeing it soon :)

57: TV shows you watch: BNHA, HIMYM, Bob’s Burgers, TUA w/ @deanilise Futurama, The Simpsons, Fairytail, Runaway’s, Adventure Time, SVTFOE, etc

56: Favorite web site: Tumblr!

55: Your dream vacation: Ireland,, ofc i always dreamed of going to paris when i was younger, and Britain sounds cool too, & i’ve heard belgium is pretty && japan sounds fun && new york city sounds super cool as well so idk any of those places ig

54: The worst pain I was ever in was: uh, probably when i broke my arm, although i can’t remember it, i did used to get growing pains in my legs when i was younger & could hardly sleep so there’s that option as well

53: How do you like your steak cooked: medium or medium-well

52: My room is: messy, but it’s home & also warm

51: My favorite celebrity is: uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh i dunno

50: Where would you like to be: idk, in my bed ig

49: Do you want children: yea! i wanna adopt!

48: Ever been in love: uh, i thought i was, but it was just an intense crush on this girl lmao

47: Who’s your best friend: already answered this lmao

46: More guy friends or girl friends: girls,,

45: One thing that makes you feel great is: laughing, music, & seeing my friends

44: One person that you wish you could see right now: any of y’all would be great tbh

43: Do you have a 5 year plan: survive 

42: Have you made a list of things to do before you die: lmao no, 

41: Have you pre-named your children: uh, i have names picked out that i like, but idk depends how young my kid is when i adopt them, and even then idk if i could bring myself to change their name uwu

40: Last person I got mad at: my mother,,

39: I would like to move to: IRELAND OR SOMETHING I DUNNO I WANT OUT OF THIS GODFORSAKEN COUNTRY

38: I wish I was a professional: artist!! youtube maybe!![ My Favorites ]37: Candy: hmm, i like smarties, m&ms, gummy bears, & sweetarts

36: Vehicle: uhh, vw beetles? WAIT NO JEEP WRANGLERS I THINK

35: President: uh idk

34: State visited: the one i live in lmao, California :)

33: Cellphone provider: idk a lot about them

32: Athlete: N/A

31: Actor: eeeeeeee

30: Actress: eeeeeeee

29: Singer: Case! Patrick Stump!

28: Band: FALL OUT BOYYYYYYYYYYY

27: Clothing store: Hottopic

26: Grocery store: N/A

25: TV show: Arrow! Adventure Time! (ripip) i haven’t seen Arrow in a long time tho so idk if it’s still any good...

24: Movie: Heathers!!

23: Website: Tumblr,,

22: Animal: CATS

21: Theme park: DisneyLand! it’s just sooooooooo expensive ;-;

20: Holiday: HALLOWEEN

19: Sport to watch: Soccer!!

18: Sport to play: none

17: Magazine: i don’t read them

16: Book: The Hunger Games 

15: Day of the week: probably friday or saturday

14: Beach: uh, maybe seal? or hermosa?

13: Concert attended: i’ve been to exactly one (1) and i didn’t enjoy it bc it was for Ariana Grande

12: Thing to cook: well you don’t cook them but, COOKIES!!

11: Food: Ice Cream!! Burgers!! Mashed Potatoes !!

10: Restaurant: In-N-Out probably

9: Radio station: 98.7 alt radio 

8: Yankee candle scent: uh i dunno

7: Perfume: Vanilla Bean Noelle from bbw

6: Flower: daffodils 

5: Color: pink! purple! green!

4: Talk show host: no

3: Comedian: Bo Burnham or John Mulaney

2: Dog breed: Retrievers !

1: Did you answer all these truthfully? yes!

here’s my baby for reference & for putting up with all that

[whx-m]

I'm curious about online shops. Got any general information / details that might go missed?

i am a dumb dumb that has inhaled too much information the past couple weeks trying to learn so take what i say w/ several grains of your preferred salts

this all goes for etsy/shopify/whatever you use for e-commerce. the levels of serious you take it and get into it i think depends on how far you want to take your online shop... or how much you make. google the hell out of your states sales tax laws and apply for a sales tax permit in your state before you sell a damn thing. ill go over the stuff i think really needs to be highlighted for anybody mulling over starting a legit shop, esp artists who want to make a living selling their stuff.

edit: HEY HIT “J” ON YOUR KEYBOARD IF YOU DONT GIVE A SHIT BC THIS IS REALLY LONG AND IM NOT SORRY BC I THINK I LEARNED EVEN MORE WRITING THIS SO THANK YOU AND GOODNIGHT...

this will be how you feel when youre 2 hours into logo trademarking research

1. hm..

if you make, or plan to make, over $400 in sales, then most states consider this going beyond a hobby and being self-employed. so accept the fact you gotta pay a self-employment tax on your income.

also... gotta pay federal and state income taxes on your sales. even if your online shop is technically considered a hobby, not licensed as a business and you dont make over $400, still gotta report/pay income taxes on it. i know a lot of ppl dont take that seriously but it might bite you in the ass if you let it go on too long. 

2. register sole proprietorship so i know its real

registering in your home state as a legit business entity is likely a solid route to go if you really plan on fleshing your shop out and building it up for the future. most artists starting an art shop or craft shop file a SOLE PROPRIETORSHIP type of business- meaning the business isnt a place or a group of owners, its just lil ole you. you file under your own name or a “Trade Name”/DBA (Doing Biz As) with your state. but beware, this trade name isnt trademarked or federally protected. and since you ARE your business, any tax trouble means the IRS is auditing you personally and holding you personally liable.

its relatively affordable to file, but take your bookkeeping seriously... be careful because the IRS eyeballs sole proprietorships’ reported taxes and expense deductions hardcore, since the lines between business and personal expenses get really blurry and sketchy. the more you need to save, the more you need to log as a deduction, and the more you deduct the more likely they’ll try to audit you and catch a mistake. so keep your books right and tight. [ 50 state guides for applying for sole proprietorship ]

that being said, IMMEDIATELY OPEN A BUSINESS ACCOUNT AT BANK/CREDIT UNION AND KEEP ALL BUSINESS RELATED PURCHASES/SALES ON THAT ACCOUNT and not your personal one!!!

3. bite the hand that takes your income away!!!

sole proprietorship means your business income = your income, aka “pass thru entity” where profit in your business passes thru and adds to your personal taxable income. it used to be that your business income was just taxed at the same rate as your personal income bracket and thats it. BUT LISTEN UP! NEW 2018 TAX LAWS  ADDED A STANDARD 20% DEDUCTION TO TAXABLE INCOME FOR PASS-THRUS WITH LESS THAN $157,500 REPORTED INCOME. that's auto-subtracted along with your business expense deductions etc, before it’s taxed. what does that mean? it can knock your taxable income down: if you’re single and make $38,700 you get taxed $3.7k instead of $4.6k. If you make $82,500, you get taxed $14.5k instead of $18.1k. And thats not even accounting for other deductions before being taxed.

applying sooner than later for sole propriety/”pass through entity” can really help because of BUSINESS EXPENSE DEDUCTIONS. if you keep careful itemized records and your books clean, you can report tons of business related expenses and get your taxable income at the end of the year lowered. that new tablet, paints, software you bought on the business-only card? the gas you put in your car to get to your anime con, the hotel you stayed at? take it even further: shipping costs, wholesale costs, promo merch for advertising (stickers & swag) and even fees from hiring an accountant can usually be claimed. there’s a LOT that can be claimed.

dont skimp on the research because just logging and reporting expenses can make or break your shop. [heres another link] applying to be a business entity early means more of your start-up costs are logged and claimed as expenses.

and you know what happens at the end of the year when you report your income and claimed expenses? the expenses are subtracted from your total reported income, and youre taxed on whats left. so if you make $50,000 by the end of the year, but you spent $10,000 in approved business expenses, you’re only taxed for $40,000- but wait! 20% deduction= $8k, which drops your taxable income to $32,000. you just dropped from a 22% tax rate bracket to a 12% and you end up only paying $3,840 in taxes. that is only 7.6% tax on your 50k income!! and you could probably pay even less with all the other tax breaks you can score. 

make sure you read up on the IRS website on this stuff too. look up youtube videos and stuff to make sense of anything that confuses you. and dont forget to crawl your state’s own websites and see if they have any tax breaks or incentives for start-ups, artists, etc!!and now the worst part. im so sorry. 

4. the ugly seven-headed demon of sales tax and online shops....... stay with me plsthis is the biggest thing and becoming a super hot topic these days with states wanting to cash in on online sales to their residents

first things first: NEXUS. think of your sales tax nexus as the physical irl presence of your business, in a state-by-state basis. customers in states you hold nexus in? gotta charge them sales tax. customers from states you DO NOT hold nexus in? no sales tax for them! (for now... ill explain later)  

you have nexus in your home state, obviously since you are your biz and you live there, so you’ll need to charge sales tax on anybody buying from you in your home state. BUT.... if you contract someone in another state to do design work for you, unfortunately that means you also have nexus or “presence” in their state, too. if you have a warehouse storing inventory in another state, yep, another nexus and another state wanting to cash in on sales tax. getting enamel pins made in yet another state and they drop-ship your orders for you on your business’s behalf? yeah, likely another state to report sales tax to. 

collecting sales tax isnt a big problem- nearly every ecommerce site like etsy, shopify, bigcommerce and the like automatically configure sales tax in U.S. states you set up as a nexus for your shop. the problem comes around when you’ve got to apply for a sales tax permit in every nexus state, and then keep track of all the filing deadlines. every state is different. just four nexus states to report to means there are four permits to apply for, four reporting/filing schedules/deadlines to keep track of... and each state has different schedules, you could have two states requiring you to report annually and two states quarterly. it can be really hairy and a lot to keep track of if you’re not careful.try to keep your sales tax nexus in ONLY your home state, if at all possible. use manufacturers in your state to print/drop-ship orders.if theyre out of state, have them send the finished product back to you before you mail it off to customers, so you can avoid creating a new taxable nexus.

[ Sales Tax & Nexus Guide ]

still with me? this is the ugly part sorry:

the other big problem with having multiple nexus to report is how much sales tax varies- not just state by state but by city, town, county, even jurisdiction ! 

one state can have HUNDREDS of different sales tax rates to report, and you have to clearly report each individual one you collect sales tax in. 

for instance, over a year you sell to multiple people in your nexus state-- in the same exact county, under the same sales tax ordinance. they live near a bunch of schools so their county has an added jurisdiction sales tax that goes toward education programs. the report you file has to clearly define how much tax $ you’ve collected from them so that state knows exactly how much is going back to that jurisdiction, so they can divvy it up for that sweet sweet education funding.

now imagine that multiplied across counties, cities, and then doubled with another entire state... and thats why keeping your nexus low is a huge deal for someone who’s running an online store solo.

thankfully, you probably wont have to input all that data yourself. 

MAKE SURE you find a good website to settle into- that, at the very least, compiles this information for you to make it less of a headache to file in the right format, with the right info. there are upgrade auto-file options built into most ecommerce websites, so you dont even have to worry about it or think about missing a deadline... but that monthly fee might be too expensive to manage at first. that would be one of the FIRST things i’d do once i could swing it, to eliminate any chance of late fees, getting audited or having my sales tax permit suspended for that nexus state. 

5. IMPORTANT!!: even if you make absolutely $0 dollars in sales from any nexus state, you STILL HAVE TO REPORT IT AND FILE BY THE DEADLINE. don’t get a $50 fee over literally nothing.

ANIME CON OR CRAFT CON ARTIST/VENDOR? BEWARE! 

always research the convention’s home state/city sales tax regulations before registering (or blowing money making merch) for a con. it varies great and wide and has been changing a lot so always recheck before cons. some states supply simple time-limited permits, some states dont require sales tax at all for 2/3 day vendors, and some states will qualify a single physical sale as creating a permanent nexus. dont overlook that stuff or you’ll regret it when you get home to do business as usual with your shop and you have to start charging/reporting sales tax for every customer from that state!! 

6. but wait ore.. you said something ominous about no sales tax for non-nexus states...... “for now”..?

yeeahhh... there’s a big national reform going on currently and it boils down to: Jeff Bezos ruined ecommerce for everybody. fuck you greedy bastard!!

a slew of states are jumping on a bandwagon to snipe up more sales taxes and create “Economic Nexus Laws”. this may not really apply to you at the start of your shop, but its something you need to be aware of for future ref. 

basically states are passing laws that say, “If you make more than $XXXX or do more than XXX transactions selling to people here, that creates a state nexus and you need to get a sales tax permit with us.” which, is not ideal. the good thing is, most sales thresholds in these states are between $10k - $500k, so its not a problem you’ll face right off the bat. transaction numbers might be the one to watch out for, though. once you hit a few hundred transactions in a state it might create a nexus and you’ll have to start charging sales tax.

the problem is this: 1) every participating state has different thresholds, rules, and sometimes tax deductible/exempt items. thats a lot of fine print to go thru and toggling options on your shop, and a LOT of sales tax bookkeeping, filing, reporting, managing. 2) some ecommerce sales tax plugins and clients havent caught up yet to be compliant and convenient for online sellers, its a big job to program and categorize all these variables. when choosing your website host, be sure to vet their built in sales tax clients and see that they’re updating and streamlining capabilities ASAP. it may not be a concern now, but you wouldnt want your shop to boom and have to shut down, lose money and switch hosts to be eco-nex sales tax compliant.3) for successful solo start-up shops, this almost makes it impossible to file your own sales taxes once you pass those thresholds. this is like 30 states! youd spend so much time doing paperwork, its just not feasible. there will be a rising cost of economic nexus management and auto-filing services that you just cant run your business online without.

[ Everything You Need to Know Abt this Shit ] ( ^ full list of state regulations and updated with new developments so bookmark this page)

tl;dr: online shops are complicated, research literally every term you dont know and look up youtube videos on everything you suck at. if youre still motivated after being depleted of brain power, then go the fuck for it and all the Moon Crystal Power Make Up to you

[organisaticns]

so im due to start at cambridge university for bio natural sciences in october and i thought i would write a post about what helped me make a successful application. hopefully this is useful to some people!! (also this is an incredibly long post you’ve been warned)

if anyone wants me to do a more in depth post on one specific section, or you guys have any questions at all, feel free to drop me a message!!

choosing a course

this is the most important bit!!! you’re dedicating 3/4/5/6 years of your life to this

oxbridge as rule (esp cambridge) have slightly different courses to other universities so do your research - on their websites and at open days

i know top students are supposed to apply to oxbridge bc “it’s the best” and stuff but if the courses offered don’t interest you or you prefer how other unis teach that course, DON’T APPLY!! it’s not worth it 

generally, look at your a level/ib/etc subjects and which sort of courses they meet the entry requirements for then look at websites and stuff to try and narrow it down

talk to current students! the blog askacambridgestudent on tumblr is great, each area has an oxbridge conference each april if you can go, ask students at open days

they can tell you what it’s actually like

read some books in the subject area you’re considering, watch ted talks, go to masterclasses, do work experience

this will help you choose a course and also be useful later when you write your personal statement

okay so when i was applying people kept telling me i would only be successful if the only thing i thought about 24/7 was biology and it was the love of my life. this is not true. you can have other interests don’t believe the people that tell you that you cant

that being said you need to be passionate about your subject!! refer to bullet point 1!! they want to know that you’re interested in it and this needs to show

oxford vs cambridge

this is really hard for some people but my course is only offered at cambridge so i did not have this problem

so first see if you prefer the course offered at one of them

if not, visit both and hopefully you’ll get a better vibe from one

i have no good advice here

writing your personal statement

okay writing a ps is just not fun okay prepare yourself for that

if anyone wants a biology/natural sciences example message me and i can send you mine

this post has some really good advice

start early, aim to have it completely done and edited by early september (oxbridge deadline is 15th october)

first, think about things you want to write about - i wrote a paragraph on a book i’d read, a paragraph each on two summer schools i did, a paragraph on my epq, and a paragraph on extracurricular

things you can talk about - books, ted talks, lectures, summer schools, masterclasses, epq, independent research into stuff, work experience

when you’re writing about stuff you gotta engage with it, so dedicate a whole paragraph to one book, then take one key theme and talk about how it interested you and how you looked up other things to do with it - link it to a different concept or talk about which theory you like best if theres conflicting theories in the field etc

it’s a hard thing to do but just pick different bits you liked about the book and try to discuss it - a key theory, theme, character etc

you can be asked about your ps in interview so make sure you’re comfortable discussing the books on your ps

you also do not need to talk about multiple books if you don’t want to, i only talked about one and i know people who didn’t mention any

don’t just say things like “im passionate about biology”!! back it up with something!! say you’re passionate about one specific topic in your field and why, discuss how different things you did/read consolidated your interest, show your interest through discussion about the subject

try to link in slightly different subject areas or experiences, and definitely link everything to your course and why you’d be a good student

i managed to link my latin AS level to biology so anything is possible folks

while you want all your paragraphs to be very supercurricular based on things you’ve done and read, try and drop in some of those buzz words they love - you know like about your academic writing skills, enthusiasm, opportunity, dedication, communication, interdisciplinary skills etc.

oxbridge do not give a shit about your extracurricular but other unis do so you want one paragraph max on it and try to link it to transferable skills - it makes you a good communicator etc

write your first draft - it will be shitty but just write it, leave the intro and conclusion to last

introductions and conclusions are super hard to write but it’s doable. try to take the general idea you’re trying to include (mine was how interdisciplinary study is important to both all the sciences together and sub disciplines in bio) and write a little bit about it

it doesn’t have to be long, your intro should introduce your passion to the subject (please don’t do the whole “i’ve wanted to study bio since i was five and x happened” thing)

conclusion can be super short, just reinforce you’re excited to study your subject in a new environment and have new opportunities

look at the tsr examples for inspiration

try to make it cohesive ish? have a running theme? (like how this one has a running theme? i actually took a lot of inspiration from that ps)

don’t say things like “im a motivated and commited student with good time management skills” without smth to back it up - “while undertaking an independent research project, i developed time management skills, and researching x made me more interested bc y” is better (i mean still not incredible but i wrote that literally just now okay)

the student room has a load of examples from people who’ve already applied

read the ones in your subject, work out which bits you like and don’t like, apply to your own (be careful of plagiarism tho)

disclaimer: not all the ps on there are good

once you have a complete and awful first draft show it to a teacher

most people show it to the relevant subject teacher, but also to your tutor, the higher education adviser, oxbridge adviser

they will hopefully help you make it less awful but don’t let them change it so much it doesn’t sound like you

i showed mine to the oxbridge adviser at my school and well he laughed at it bc it was so bad so you know

but i didn’t listen to everything he said bc some of the things he wrote like no 17 year old would say

keep revising drafts, showing to teachers until you can’t stand reading it anymore then get someone else (maybe parents?) to spell check and be done with the horrible thing

no one likes their personal statement, you will read it in august and wonder how you could possibly write something so bad

the actual ucas application

make sure your predicted grades are at least as high as the entrance requirements

you don’t really have much control over your teacher reference but you can use it to mention things you couldn’t fit in your personal statement if you can convince your teachers to include stuff

make sure all your qualifications and stuff are accurate

the saq (cambridge only)

you have to fill this in straight after october 15th

it’s mostly boring admin stuff, filling in topics and class sizes etc.

you have an option to write an additional (shorter) personal statement

this is really useful if the course you’re applying to at oxbridge is different to the other courses youve applied to - such as if you applied to politics everywhere else but hsps at cambridge - use it to explain why you want to do that specific course at cambridge

but you definitely don’t have to write one, i didnt!

make sure you get this in on time

written work

for some courses you have to send in written work

i didn’t have to so i don’t have loads of advice, but make sure you send in stuff that you’re comfortable discussing at interview

they’ll be guidelines on the cambridge website and on your specific college’s website

admissions tests

not the most fun things

find the specification on the website and go through, highlighting and revising the points you don’t know

try to find some past papers and do them

this really depends on the subject you’re doing so i can’t give much more advice but if anyone needs advice specific to the NSAA shoot me a message

also, these are just part of your application and even if you came out of yours thinking it’s the worst test you’ve ever had it probably didn’t go that badly 

the NSAA is the hardest test i’ve ever sat and i thought i had done completely shit and i still got an offer so there’s still hope

interviews

okay so first, don’t believe the rumours

you know the ones where people say they got given a banana and asked to use it to explain how quantum mechanics relates to of mice and men

interviews are definitely scary, but they are nowhere near as bad as people make them out to be, and they don’t ask you weird unrelated questions

make sure you know your personal statement inside out and you feel comfortable talking about the topics/books/etc you mentioned on there in depth

keep up to date with any recent news or high profile research in your field (you don’t need to know details, just have a vague idea of what’s going on)

this is especially important if you’re applying for politics or economics or something like that

if your school offers a mock interview, definitely have one, though don’t panic if you can’t have one there’s other ways to prepare

the whole point of interview is them wanting to see how you think and how you respond to unfamiliar problems

so i looked up a list of “past oxbridge interview questions” and practised writing down a quick answer to them and thinking about how i would go about solving the problem

oxford has some examples on the “sample questions” bit here

i also used this site but remember a lot of these probably aren’t actual interview questions 

if you have an opportunity, just talk to your relevant subject teacher about the topics beyond your specification

you honestly don’t need to do too much interview prep, just do enough so you feel a bit calmer about the whole thing

hope some of that helps :)

[wildermannawyddan]

This is something that’s been on my mind a lot bc I see it being repeated across the internet and the responses to the ‘hair like snakes’ justifications never feel very satisfying to me bc they are made under the assumption that the snake-hair claims are rooted in fact, and they make no reference to the historical hairstyles that were actually worn by those people. I hope explaining the real hairstyles and the irrelevancy of the snake-hair claim will hopefully help in ending this myth as a talking point, bc it misses the point of the issue and it is playing on the home-pitch of the people who think the outcry over who can wear dreadlocks is a case of who got there first, and not the undoing of centuries of inequality.  This is maybe gonna stray from the specifics of white-dreadlocks and focus more on ahistorical claims, but I intend to bring it back around. To begin, the snake hair quote. I’ve looked across the internet and through relevant books, I’ve not seen any historical account attributing snake-like hair to Celtic peoples. Most of the sites presenting this claim are either Reddits, Pinterest boards containing the quote, TheCultureTrip at one point who don’t strike me as much more than clickbait-mongers, a few History of the Dreadlock themed sites, and one Roman-focused forum (forum in the digital sense, not the ancient Roman sense) who in 2007 had the legitimacy of this quote questioned, and came to the agreement that if the quote was ever said, it was not said of any European tribes. So then I decided to check GoogleScholar, but before that I checked wikipedia bc like when it comes to Very Well Established Things like Ancient Rome, wiki is seldom gonna let you down more that sites like TheCultureTrip which is apparently the preferable option to many teachers. On GoogleScholar, I found nothing that contained the the words Hair and Snakes anywhere close to each other, except for the top result, something about “Crossed Genders in an Indian Folk Cult” which sounds vibey as hell. 

It’s often attributed to Caesar, so I looked through his account of the Gallic Wars bc it seemed the right place to look. Hair is only mentioned 5 times, 3 times regarding the hair of non Celtic women, describing them as dishevelled, once in reference to Roman soldiers hair shirts for cold weather, and once regarding Celtic men’s hair.

So this brings me to my next main point, which is to focus on the Celtic mens hairstyles we have record of. So obviously much of this record will be from Roman accounts, and you’ll often hear it said that the Romans sought to represent their enemies in unfavourable lights, and that is an excellent way to disregard a whole lot of knowledge on ancient cultures. My counters to the stability of these sources in this case are that since multiple writers and artists depictions are what we’re basing this on, the diversity of opinion allows for a better reading of an average; my other counter is that some of these sources are greek, and some Literally Celtic, and my bonus counter is that casting aspersions over the validity of genuine Roman reporting to vouch for forged Roman reporting is silly. (Another thing to be stressed is that The Celts of the Iron Age aren’t a single ethnicity, or single society, or a single culture, or depending who you ask it’s potentially not a single linguistic group. The languages spoken by the Galatians of Anatolia were described to be intelligible by the people living in Gaul, and linguistic studies show many cognates and similarities between Insula Celtic languages ancient and modern, and ancient Continental Celtic languages. So that means that there’s enough land covered by enough people that I’m sure there was someone not grooming the way I’m about to mention, or not combing their hair enough, or just someone doing their own thing.)

So the hairstyle I see mentioned as an explanation to the snake hair is plaits/braids. I’ve never been given a reason as to why the account gave this poetic and vague description of plaited hair when Latin has its own terms for braids. Also as OP mentioned above, men in the south of the Italian peninsula tended to have shorter hair. (I’ve phrased it in that longform way bc as the map above shows, there’s nothing exclusively ‘Northwester European’ or non-Mediterranian about Celtic peoples. Somewhere in the 20th century, people began to speak Celtic and Nordic peoples in one breath, but through most of history Celtic peoples were paired more with Rome and Greece, Illyria, Iberia as well as the Rhine.) So while Roman men had shorter hair, Roman and Greek women famously had very ornately plaited hair, so the idea of the practice being so foreign to them as to describe the hairstyle as though they were describing it to someone who had no prior knowledge of hair seems unrealistic to me personally.  And, while Roman men had shorter hair, so did Many Celtic men.  The main Iron Age hairstyle Celtic men are mentioned as wearing is that where the hair is cut short, and then bleached blonde using lime water. The lime water as well as bleaching the hair, stiffens it similarly to  how any modern hair product might. Again I’d like to stress that there was no single hair colour shared by all Celtic peoples (and no single average hight, despite what people online seem to say. Like?? Obviously no, the people of Liguria in northern Italy weren’t any intrinsically different to the Etruscans or Romans in the centre, use your brain.) anyway, so the bleaching of the hair was permanent, I do not think the stiffness was a life-long state and was probably something t be updated, like getting your roots done. I’ve not tested this you see, bc idk where to get lime water chemicals from without looking suspicious. 

The other most commonly reported hairstyle of the Iron Age Celtic peoples was the same process, but applied to long hair, which was then combed back with the curve of the head to descend down the back. The stiffening process of the limewater gave their hair the appearance of a pale horse’s tail. Diodorus Siculus noted in his Library of History that the process of washing the hair with limewater was regularly updated. It’s been posited that this horse-evocation in the mens’ hair, paired with the prevalence of matriarchal horse-related goddesses in Celtic cultures across the ages (Epona, Rigantona, then Rhiannon in sub-Roman Wales, all three of whom have had connections made to the modern Welsh tradition of the Mari Lwyd), and the manner that Atlantic Celtic societies maintained use of the horse-drawn chariot in both ceremony and warfare long after neighbouring societies left them to fade into obsolescence, have led to the belief that Iron Age Celtic groups held the horse to be of great importance. This also applies to the Scythians, Dacians, and early Slavic groups too tho, idk I guess horses are just useful in pre-motorised communities. 

Siculus and Caesar, among others, recorded that the higher classes of Celtic peoples shaved their faces leaving only the moustaches. Indeed, they recorded that all hair below their lips was shaved away.  So if you want an idea of the visual, in non-statue terms, imagine GhostHoney but with bleached blond, starched hair. 

[This is a bit of an aside, but I often see ancient Celtic men portrayed and illustrated as super buff, imposing, absolute units of men, with long hair and huge beards; like the armed, stoic alphas that male-tr@dwives long to be. (what are male tr@dwives called? Tr@dhusbands I expect?) I largely blame the association of Celts with Vikings and Nordic people for this, and the way the latter two have been presented online and in media has imo brought out the  worst, most 2D, wh!t3-Supr3m@c!st fantasy in them. Obviously Iron Age celts weren’t exclusively huge bears of aggressive High-T men, and I doubt the Viking-Age Danes were too, no community of people is all one kind of person. So Iron Age Celtic men, long bleached hair, moustaches, no body hair, curved geometric La Téne tattoos, knee-length tartan Braccae shorts, socks & sandals, huge golden rings around the neck and upper arms. Idk, just strikes me as a better look that they often get presented in on TV and in movies, just as actual historical versions of things often are.  Another thing that’s glazed over a lot is this top quote from Diodorus Siculus again, which treats on the nature of the sexuality of the men he encountered: “the young men will offer themselves to strangers and are insulted if the offer is refused”. None of that “it’s not gay if you top” Roman business, but the media never shows Iron Age Celts as the bleached blonde, moustached, gay punks they truly were, very sad. ] Back to the topic.

Until here I’ve been making the case that not only did Celtic peoples not wear dreadlocks, but they didn’t even wear the dreadlock doppelgänger braids that are often presented as explanations, but rather opted for the bleached lifestyle. These two faces are from panels of the Gundestrup Cauldron, found in Denmark, constructed in the Thracian way, depicting aspects of Gaulish life. Celtic artwork in collaboration with techniques of other communities is nothing new, this isn’t even the only cauldron that does that (look at the one found with the Hochdorf Prince).  These panels show bearded men, so likely common folk and not nobility (or gods, the gods were depicted bearded a lot), and they are believed to be having their hair combed. However, the stylised nature of the hair strands suggests twists that could be representations of plaits. However, given the swirly, symmetrical shapes on the forehead of the man in the panel below, it’s equally plausible that we’re looking at artistically stylised depictions of loose curly hair. 

Anyone can go online, search up “elflocks”, “witch-knots”, and the “Polish plait” in European history and decide that this is a strong enough foundation to convince yourself there’s some significant cultural continuity of dreadlocks being worn by white people, but citing ancient and medieval sources as your reasoning when the stigma and oppressive restrictions against Black people - especially Black women - wearing their hair in locks was born of the actions of europeans well after those times, is focusing on semantic minutiae and wilful ignorance. Regardless of whether ancient Celtic, Iberian, Slavic, or Germanic people wore their hair in dreads (✨they didn’t ✨), the issue isn’t your ancestral right, but that wearing something that has been available to you freely but has been forbade with brutal enforcement to others for centuries despite it’s very solidly definite significance to that group of people, signals a heartlessly selfish disinterest in the lives of others, and reflects a potent lack of empathy and solidarity.  Hopefully now at least the hair-like-snakes excuse will fade away back into fiction. 

…when i google dreadlocks the first pic that comes up is of a white woman…

[followyourtruthandlove]

Will Dailey (* Interviewed while at CSB- so so nerve wrecking but so excited to expose him as songwriter/musician to folk who may have never heard him and to those in the music biz as well)

(With doing notes took over 1.5 hours vs the actual 50 minute interview)

Found instrument

Songwriting came out of

Sick of doing others music/covers

Learning other’s ways

Behind wheel of car finding you don’t like the roads

Songwriting was like making your own road

Sexy violent malleable- songwriting/music

Helped him as a child through everything

Between two houses and it became his own household

Seen as anomaly-musician famous- vs. songwriting as a person

(Circle of Fifths)

Pressure of being “something”

Starting writing “terrible songs”

“Grownup” and peer excited

About something I thought of?

Good feedback and believed it

Key part- believed it

Peer excited and making something you created

Addicted to being around people being better than me

To pull you

Songwriting

To get better

Only going to get better by doing it (AH)

Always try to be the worst person in your band

To learn, to grow, to be pushed

(Same as surrounding yourself with people “smarter” than you)

 Neil Young Crazy Horse changed as artists- with band

Parental advisory,

By 90’s pluralism at our fingertips

You can be whoever you are

Know rules and forms and having cohesive story

Or not having cohesive story

Like a dream

Hardcore Truth right in front of you

Music can be funny, Pop(py), Rock

Operate from that thing

(What I Love about Will, same as MF in many ways- she would agree “male version of (self)”

Never quite found/had genre

Never had niche, could hurt songwriters career

Never belonged anywhere

Too rock for indie crowd too pop for rock crowd too folk for pop crowd

Carve out own fan base

By getting in front of them

By striking one chord at a time

Jungle he grew up in, all that influence

Genre madness from 90s to now

Every song at fingertips

Algorisms send streaming service that find out something about you

“This algorism knows me so well” (smile)

From way back when or something new

Amazing, and daunting

And business of songwriting leaves him hopeless

Same time is exciting

If too many options will walk away and come back later(AH)

Overwhelming vs having structure or type of melody in mind (AH cont.)

When having a hit

How to do it again no idea how

Feel like never be able to have something that big again

Always potential to have that feeling

It is a craft and way of being

Learn every rule of songwriting

Then forget every rule of songwriting

Some songwriters only know 4 chords or one tuning

Being open to craft, learning rules

Talk to other artists, figure out what you can do

Ex. There is a verse, pre, chorus, verse, pre, chorus, bridge, verse, pre, chorus.

When you do verse chorus bridge, verse, chorus, bridge, chorus- then done.

When designing song what you want to do when pouring out of you

Be aware of the rule you are breaking because might be creating a hook

Or special pattern

Everything is pattern or pattern upset ( **Relatable to Sociology**)

Ex. Listeners singing along to altercation of pattern

Learn the rules to break them

Being able to predict what’s about to happen sometimes satisfying

Sometimes too much then can lose interest

Sometimes song shouldn’t have surprises

Sometimes should be a meditation

Also option of production making the surprises

Making those choices as artist and writer consciously

Or the emotion is making choice so definitely you don’t need to use your conscious decisions

Or know the rules you are breaking

Not just chasing knowledge- will leave you frustrated creator

Marry the two parts

Person inside who is in there that doesn’t know rules and it’s just pouring -marry that person with that person that knows the craft- effective to communicate and making the parts that are connected more effective (AH)

(Side note Loved hearing his story about title of album- really had impact/was felt moment live)

Obtuse

Writing while in studio, cleanse palette with

Doing things thought of as totally obtuse and irreverent

Would have haunted if not gotten them out- even not to share with others

Intent behind songwriting is most important part (Yes!!! Across the board in the world- all about intent)

Dogged as artist- using everything at fingertips

Always having intention behind his music

Always had in mind person who was going to freak out about it

Or who was going to totally connect to it

Someone imaginary, himself, someone he knows

Intention to reach them with this piece of music

Ideally in that someone else will hate it too

(Van, tour manager, VAN!! )

Kiss of death is someone says it’s nice or it’s good

You want reaction of wow whether love or hate

Have that fearless while writing (AH)

Not trying to please everyone trying to write for “that person” (AH)

Can write song in 5 minutes of 5 years

When 5 years see as so worth it (own Sistine chapel)

5 minute one like wth why didn’t I do with all of these

Can’t call on either one of them

Frustrated with unfinished- not the end of them (AH)

Just work at the end of the day

Pushing it

Ex. Gun n Roses- “Where do we go now” from “Sweet child of mine”

The rpducers thought song needing another part

Slash solo

Where do we go now came from that

Meaning where do we go in song

Came from him joking and producer saying yes keep doing that

Look up Led Zeppelin rehearsal demos

Robert Plant mumbling stairway to heaven

Coming up with gibberish while creating

If you don’t have a lot of songs with gibberish then not trying

Have to marry all these-

Cadence of vocal, delivery of vocal, words, melody having hook

Have to marry all these parts

Not all need to hit

Advice for someone who doesn’t do it for living but wants to carve out time.

Booking time, open mic- invite friend will

Also sets intention  help carve song out energy wise

Give self deadline to write (ex. starting Monday need to finish by Friday)

A little bit of work each day it will get there

15 minutes a day to work on a song

While creating, more focus on lyrics

If in love and/or married to cadences or melody and trying to fit with words together

Can screw yourself bc a lot of work to do- tough- but can be really fun at same time

Plays “It already would have not worked out by now” (THIS line!!)

Songwriting and music way of being

Huge part of being human

It’s not (a) business

Business is what we’ve manufactured around it

Referred to esp by Americans is in those terms

Really robs us of a huge part of our humanity

Remember while writing, Songwriting really engaging in being human

Engaging in this universal communication technique that we have with music

Don’t let anyone take that from you while creating.

(Side note- random ish I love that his site uses the word “Shows” versus “Tour”

And also not so random this was such an amazing interview prob I think even fav thus far)

Thank you again and again Anne Heaton

[surveystodestressme]

85.

5000 Question Survey Pt. 22

2001. Can you believe that we have only gotten through two fifths of this survey so far? i believe it 2002. What is your opinion of Dave Coulier? i have no idea who that is 2003. If you were to a write a Choose Your Own Adventure book, what would it be about? horror 2004. What was your best find from a flea market, garage sale, ebay or thrift store? huh? 2005. What do you not have enough money for right now? a new car

2006. Do you believe that Teras for Fears were right when they said, “Everybody wants to rule the world?” eh 2007. What is the design on your beach towel? i don’t have a beach towel 2008. What stirs something deep and animalistic inside you? mean fucking people 2009. Have you ever cross dressed (even as a joke)? no 2010. Do you own anything with a rainbow on it? yes lol my boyfriends mom buys pj pants for everyone on christmas and this year she got me rainbow pants with minions on them....... i’ve NEVER even seen despicable me 2011. What would be the worst object for a child to take on a long car ride with you? a loud handheld game 2012. What’s the Best Beatles song in your opinion? help 2013. Why do you suppose that diary sites are more popular with females than males? idk 2014. What do these color combinations remind you of: orange and pink: ice cream pink and green: fruit green and gold: nature purple and gold: idk gold and red: royalty red and white: america blue and grey: the beach 2015. What is one selfish thing you tend to do? let people buy me stuff 2016. When do you think technology will catch up with the Jetson’s? idk 2017. What made you laugh today? my lab partners 2018. Do you ever stick your entries in any of the diary circles? no. 2019. Can you freestyle rap? i could try but it wouldn’t be that good 2020. Are you: stylish? somewhat shiek? huh? smart? i think so 2021. Do you find you self only buying brand name products? i do not care about name brands 2022. Would you ever want to buy an article of clothing or an accessory because you saw a celebrity wear it? i don’t pay attention to celebrities enough 2023. What song do you feel the sexiest dancing to? buttons by pussycat dolls 2024. Who do you know who looks silly when they dance? my dad 2025. Sweaty sex or clean sex? a lil bit of both honestly 2026. Which is more important to you: being kind or being right? i mean both honestly. 2027. Can you do any special dances like swing, tap, or ballroom? i used to do tap 2028. Are you scared of monsters? nada 2029. Who would you like to remind people of? idc 2030. Do you walk to school or do you bring your lunch? neither???? 2031. Rate your skills from one to ten (10 = you are the best at it): socializing: 5 making friends: 5 working with computers: 5 arts: 7 crafts: 7 dancing: 2 skating: 6 talking other people into things: 8 writing: 9 living life to the fullest each day: 5 cooking: 3 gardening: 2 cleaning up after yourself: 9 playing poker: 1 surviving in the woods: 3 managing your time: 8 attracting the opposite sex (or same sex if you prefer)? 4 2032. Have you ever been to an indian reservation? nope 2033. What is going to happen tomorrow that you can celebrate, even if it’s a little thing? idk 2034. Do you save things for special occasions or is everyday a special occasion? i save things. 2035. What is one thing you are terrible at: saving money 2036. What’s your favorite: rap song: love the way you lie country song: we danced industrial song: idk. cover song: cant help falling in love with you punk song: idk odd song: cotton eye joe 2037. What do you get your teacher or your boss for the holidays? not a thing lol 2038. Do you like to read books by Virgina Wolfe? never read any. 2039. What is your favorite tv show from when you were a kid? spongebob 2040. What is now proved was once only imagined. - William Blake. What do you imagine? the future. 2041. What has been passed down through at least two generations to you? nothing 2042. Do we live in a particularly bad age for romance? i don’t think so 2043. Have you ever cheated on someone? nope Do you believe that once someone is a cheater they can never be trusted? yes 2044. Have you ever gone: christmas caroling? nope pumpkin picking? yeah on a hay wagon ride? yes on a romantic valentine’s day date? yeah to a new year’s eve party? a couple times to a memorial day parade? yeah to the Macy’s thanksgiving day parade? maybe in the past to search for gold coins on st patrick’s day? no. 2045. Have you ever done any modeling? nope 2046. Would you consider yourself to be psychologically damaged? not that i can think of 2047. How aware are you of the reasons behind your actions and words? very aware 2048. What is the sickest you ever drank or drugged yourself? i haven’t had any really bad experiences tbh. it’s always a shitty time when i’ve thrown up from alcohol but i’ve never blacked out. 2049. Would you prefer it if clothing was optional? no lol. 2050. What is one interesting fact about you: i collect shot glasses 2051. Are more people depressed because they are alone, or are more people alone because they are depressed? they’re more depressed bc they’re alone probably but there are way more complicated reasons as to why people are depressed 2052. Have you ever gotten a mug, t-shirt, key chain, etc. that was personalized with your picture? no lol 2053. What was the last thing that you experienced for the first time? i don’t know 2054. If you were going to die tomorrow and you were leaving a postcard for someone to read after you were gone what would it say? i dunno. 2055. If you were about to be executed what would your last request be? tell my family that i love them 2056. What kinds of people do you find intimidating? too many people lol 2057. How much conviction do you have in your feelings and beliefs? quite a bit. 2058. In your house where is the: crazy glue? in the junk drawer flashlight? above the snack cabinet 2059. Out of everyone you know who has the most personality? there’s plenty of people lol 2060. If you could go back in time to experience a musical movement or era, which one would you choose to live through? none 2061. Do you suffocate people with your love? sometimes 2062. Do you feel your life is charmed? no. 2063. What character do you identify the most with from Winnie the Pooh? piglet 2064. When do you do your best thinking? in the shower or on the toilet 2065. What motivates you? food 2066. Look back at all the people you’ve dated. Has there been a pattern? not that i can think of 2067. Things change but what will always remain the same for you? i don’t know 2068. Is divorce something you would ever consider or do you feel that marriage is permanantly binding? i would preferably not get divorced. 2069. What’s the strangest movie you ever saw? the abc’s of death 2070. If you could go into virtual reality and set up your life there to be perfect and it would seem real but not be real would you trade your life now for the virtual life? it’d be cool but no 2071. Does it seem like life is more difficult for you than for anyone else? nope 2072. What are you grateful for? everything i have. 2073. What was a choice that you didn’t want to make but you had to? idk. 2074. Have you ever had dental surgery? no. 2075. At what point exactly are you grown up? when you  have bills and you feel like you’re drowning 2076. If there was a weight loss procedure that would destroy your ability to taste food so you wouldn’t be tempted by junk food, would you have it done? absolutely not 2077. What is one thing that happened that you never expected? finding someone i love who actually loves me back 2078. If you called one of your friends and they said “It’s nothing personal but I don’t want to talk to anyone right now,” would you take it personally? nah, i’ve had moments like that too so i can understand 2079. What is your favorite girl’s name? i don’t really have one 2080. Do you ever feel guilty for being more fortunate than others? not really. 2081. If you had to wear a shirt with one word on it for a year, what word would you choose? kok 2082. What is evian spelled backwards? naive 2083. You drop 10 pounds of feathers and a ten pound bowling ball off the top of the same building. Which will hit the ground first? they both weigh the same, sooo both 2084. Even though you may never get what you want, are you happy because you’re trying? yes 2085. If you started a petition what would it be about? idk. 2086. When was the last time you asked someone to do something and they said no? everytime i ask jack to do something he says no but does it anyways 2087. Do bad things happen to you on friday the 13th? not that i know of. 2088. What’s your favorite: Madonna song? - John Lennon song? - Michael Jackson song? billy jean Doors song? - Rolling Stones song? - David Bowie song?- Elvis song? cant help falling in love with you 2089. If you had started a relationship with someone and they said that it would be best if no one knew about it just to see how it goes, would you be offended? it depends ig but id feel like they just wanted to hide me 2090. Do you know any self defense? not really How about CPR? i know the concept of it but ive never really practiced or anything 2091. If you had to look into a mirror and see your naked soul stripped of all delusions and pretenses (Never ending Story style)could you handle it? maybe 2092. Are you a genius? no. 2093. How did you find out that Santa Clause wasn’t real? i got a letter from ‘him’ and the handwriting was the same as my dads 2094. Which is your favorite tarot card? i dont do that shit 2095. Does the internet separate people or connect them? both. 2096. Have you ever written a letter to a soldier? my brother and my sister and some of my friends when they were all in the military 2097. Does pain and fear make you feel alive? to a a certain degree 2098. Are you: good looking? yeah thin? no. happy? yes successful? not yet confident? for the most part 2099. Are you decisive or wishy washy? in between. 2100. Do you feel pop stars should be morally responsible to set a good example for their fans? it’s nice but they shouldn’t be obliged to.

[princess-of-embarrassment]

Some 3 am realizations about life, relationships and maybe more?? idk whatever have fun.

Ok before i start on this shit I am going to say it is 3 am and i am just dumping some thoughts like i usually do. Sorry for the shit grammar, disorganized thoughts and all that jazz... In a sense i feel like this is a letter to myself and what i have been trying so damn hard to understand so yeah i am talking to myself and to this website. I think. Idk. i will probably delete this in the morning when i am back on bad bitch mode and go back to posting memes pero por ahora vamos a ver como nos va. Mayb ei will leave it up bc i forget or because i dont care who sees it. sorry for the shitshow of a post you are about to read but you probably already kinda know me so yay! I debated posting this shit because the internet is a wildin place but oh well!!1!!11

ok tumblr it is 3 in the morning and i have 100% regressed into being a 15 years old on this damn website shitposting and reblogging some corny ass posts but it feels right, so here i am attempting to process it through the only form i know how to actually know how to cope with things. I mean memes are cool and all but lets be real, they don’t address the problems. this is the one place i can brain dump all of my thoughts and not really care about where they go because they will eventually disappear in the tumblr algorithm.

My old blog was often the only separation I had between my reality and the life i really wished i had, but now I have that life that I always wanted so why the hell am i back at square one? To be fair, the life that i have right now may not be envied by many but its a pretty darn good life to me. Im safe 99.9% of the time. The other .1% is a story for another day. I have been trying to figure out for months as to why i’m back to being so active on here and now that it’s 3:00am I realize it’s because of self isolation (thanks corona!). 

Let me start off by saying this; my reality is not something I am going to be able to escape. Ever. It has brought me to where i am today, allowed me to meet some really incredible people and i am so so grateful. I have learned so much in the past few years. i am grateful what happened happened. Wild, i know. I escaped it physically but i cannot escape it mentally, at least for now. School, work, writing, dealing with my freshmen’s problems was what kept my brain occupied and away from having to face the part of my life that I really just want to forget. To be fait my trauma response has taken pretty good care of fucking up my memory and all of those fun things but ironically the things i want to forget about so badly are the things i think about every single day without skipping a beat. brains are weird like that.

I am ok now but sometimes i forget and fall back into my new reality. That is ok. People that know my story ask me why i don’t write about it on a public platform because it’s inspiring?? or hopeful?? or whatever cliche people want to use when addressing a topic that makes them uncomfortable and they want to feel better about the life they live. 21 year old latina girl faces adversity and lives the american dream (barely)..i mean, i did run a whole ass magazine and wrote a piece for graduation including some details of my story but that was like the rated g version with only the little sad parts that people are able to handle without feeling like their comfort zone is being violated. MEdia is a wonderful place isnt it???  so i get where they are coming from, but what they dont understand is that an international platform is not where i can share any of these thoughts... Listen, I know this is cryptic and confusing and you are probably really curious about what the hell happened to me but i don’t feel safe to type it out on international platforms with public access. I don’t know if i ever will... Yeah i can talk to people i trust about it because i am in control of the space and the situation and who is obtaining that information but you never really know with the internet. 

maybe in the future i’ll write a book on it. even then i will probably use my alias make it a YA fiction with an added love story that ends in a happy ending. Maybe one day one of the school girl crushes I have will turn into that YA story and i dont have to make any of it up.

If i am honest...this blog is the only safe place i will probably ever have where he wont find me. He can find my school and my address and phone number and work and everything in between because that is just the way things work. Yeah yeah i get it stop posting shit on social media that is how he finds you whatever. What people dont understand is that I cant stop living my life again. I already started so i cant go back to giving him that power. It makes no sense. Also, his family is too confused by all of the ups and downs of the last year that they dont really know where i am going or what i am doing. So anyways, long story short - That’s why i am back on here, because it has become the same written safe haven I had when i was 15 and tried to escape my physical reality. Only difference is that i am trying to manage the mental reality of it all...

I also have so many questions about what to do next. Like i mentioned in another post, i didnt think i would make it to 21 but i did. I didnt think this far ahead so i guess i will just figure it out along the way but hear me out. How do i face a new reality that no one can relate to. At least not the people around me. How do i make friends and know when the “right time” is to tell them hey btw if this happens lmk lol. Even more importantly (because it relates to my future as world famous YA novelist.. lol sure grace...) How do I even date someone??? many questions are tied to that. like... I know theyre going to ask. “what happened?” “who is it?” “how can i help?” “Isnt there something we can do?”. i am more than willing to answer these questions because fuck, if im dating someone i would be curious too.. but do i even answer those questions. How do i know they are ready to handle that kind of information? how can i guarantee theyre not going to leave. How can i know that they arent going to be frightened by what has happened. how do i know they are not going to think differently of me. How do i explain to this person “yeah i have stress nightmares about what happened and when i wake up i think i am back in that situation and not where i live and i have to remind myself i am in a whole different area code but then its fine lol so if we share a bed at any point in time dont be alarmed if i wake up in a panic.” or how do i explain to them when something triggers me and all i can do is freeze because maybe it is him. Maybe he finally found me. but then i am back to reality and move on with my day because that is the only thing left to do. I cant throw myself a shitty pity party thats generic as fuck and i dont have time for it but whatever. moving on. next question. How do i know theyre not gonna walk away because they have the misconception so many people have?? Just because i went through some shit doesnt mean i am unstable or unloveable or whatever bs people think. This isnt going to go away. This shit is a aprt of me but it doesn not define me. it is not who i am.I dont have the option to make it go away but people have the option to pick up their things and go. seems unfair to me sometimes. It seems unfair to generalize people like that. I am always open to a new relationship but people expect me to be sitting at home scared to go out into the world and live my life. I have a life to live and i am so ready to explore it by myself or with someone by my side but quarantine has brought me back on here to deal with the fact that i am back to being stuck inside. Mentally and physically. One sucks less than the other. 

I have so many other questions but i am feeling tired again and its almost 4am so maybe i should go to bed. Y’all dont know how happy i am to have this trash site to vent to in the middle of the night. theres some relly judgy people on here but at least i know my feed wont judge me or try to fix what has happened. it will just listen.

Anyways, i doubt anyone will read this because this post got long as fuck but if you did i give you a high five and a virtual hug for getting through the clusterfuck of sentences. Thanks tumblr. If i ever go viral again on this shitshow of a website i may have to bring back my studyblr and go underground lmfao jk maybe. I cant wait to hug my friends and the people i have met that have become a part of my daily routine (yes even during social isolation, get off my ass I am still socially isolating). All i can do for now is wait for someone who cares about me for me and isn’t scared of my past or the pieces of it that linger in my present. I deserve nothing less. if they cant do that they are not worth my time and i hope they drop their keys every single time they go to open their front door. oh... they also better be ready for the hours i spend typing away my thoughts on my computer. Maybe one day they will be allowed to read them too... lol maybe not. whatever who knows. Peace out kiddos stay healthy xoxo.