#bc she was part of my core group and all of my other friends here i dont know that well and it’s frustrating bc i cant open up to them

[loversj0y]

For your 200 follower event you should do Invisible String with Wil! Maybe inspired by him being on tour, and once you guys connect, you realize all the similarities/close calls you’ve had to each other?

invisible string

event masterlist

pairing: wilbur soot x gn! reader

tws: bars/references to drinking

notes: this might be tphe longest one bc it felt wrong making it Not long, i guess so i hope you enjoy :3

word count: 2.5k

taglist: @l0veb0mb1ng / @core-queen / @zooone / @lillylvjy / @melunnek

You hated heartbreak and the way it seemed to accompany you like an old friend. Several bad breakups led to the collective feeling of needing to leave, wanting to run, so you did. It wasn’t hard to find a university you could study abroad in and accommodations, especially with the proficiency in your courses meaning a scholarship wasn’t hard to find. Choosing a place to go was the hardest part; you knew you wanted to go to the UK, but you didn’t know where. Thankfully, there was a pretty simple solution: throwing a dart at a map. Leading you here: Brighton. The taxi drove you to your new apartment, and there was a rock song playing you’d wished to have gotten the name of before you got dropped off. 

After a week of unpacking and settling in, you’d gotten notably bored. So you decided to look for a place to go, or something to do, and you stumbled across a pretty small club that seemed quite nice. You walked in, and at first it reminded you of the dive bars back in America, but a bit nicer. You went up to the bar and ordered quickly, trying to speak a bit quieter given the glaringly obvious American accent. It wasn’t enough to entirely hide it, though. Once you got your drink, a blond boy who’d been next to you at the bar spoke up, loudly.

“Are you American?”

You looked at him and nodded. He seemed a bit younger, but given that he was in here meant he was probably at least 18. “Yeah, I just moved here.”

He perked up, grinning, “Follow me!” He didn’t give you much a choice before grabbing your arm and dragging you over to his friends, “My name’s Tommy, by the way! My brother Wilbur loves America, so he’ll be excited to meet you, c’mon!”

You chuckled, allowing yourself to be dragged over by him. He brought you to a group of five people, two of whom were incredibly tall. All five of them were giving an incredulous look at Tommy, making you laugh a bit. 

“Wilbur!” Tommy basically yelled as he pulled you over, “I found an American!”

You fought the urge to hide your face in your hands, instead taking a sip of your drink.

One of the taller guys, who you presumed was Wilbur, sputtered at Tommy, “Tommy! You can’t just drag someone over because they’re American, for fucks sake.”

“Yes, but you love America and you needed some cheering up, so ta-da!”

Wilbur just facepalmed, sighing and looking over at you now. He was an attractive guy, light brown curls and a tall frame, plus a good fashion sense if the Doc Martins were anything to go off of. “I am so sorry he abducted you. He is a child with no sense of manners.”

You chuckled softly, especially as Tommy gasped dramatically in response. “It’s alright,” you smiled softly, “Beats the alternative of sitting alone at the bar for an hour, so.” You shrugged.

Wilbur gave you a bit of a thoughtful look, but before he could speak up, the girl next to Tommy spoke.

“Well, it’s nice to meet you, even if he literally just dragged you over. I’m Molly, Tommy’s girlfriend.”

“It’s nice to meet you,” you smiled softly, before Tommy took charge once more.

“Yes, right! Introductions! I’m Tommy, obviously the coolest one here, Molly is my wonderful and only wife, Jack over there is an dick, don’t be friends with him, but that’s his girlfriend Ellie, she’s too cool for him. You spoke to Wilbur, my lame brother, already, and the only one taller than him is the very gorgeous Ranboo,” he explained.

Not a single person looked pleased with his explanation, but they also didn’t exactly look surprised by him.

“Right, well, nice to meet you guys. I’m Y/N.”

“So, you’re actually from America? Are you visiting?” Jack asked, a kind smile on his face.

“Yeah, uh, I just moved here actually. I just needed a change of pace, I guess, so I actually transferred to the university out here.”

He nodded, and you could feel the entire group’s eyes on you for a moment. It was a bit unsettling, but that was more just the nerves.

“Cool, fellow American,” the tallest one, Ranboo, spoke up. You looked up at him (he was really tall), and you smiled. 

“Glad to know I’m not the only one out here. How’d you end up out here?”

“Uh… work, actually. It’s kind of a long story, but I had to move out here for my work stuff, so I did.” He shifted his eyes a bit as he spoke, and you just nodded, assuming he didn’t want to be pressed on the matter.

“Wilbur,” Tommy spoke, “tell them some cool America facts.”

“Tommy, they very likely know them better than me given that they actually lived there.” Wilbur chuckled softly.

I smiled softly at Wilbur, “I’d still like to hear them. Maybe I can tell you if you’re mistaken about any of them.”

He looked over and gave you a grin, and the conversations paired off. You and Wilbur discussed America and where you lived, and the fact that Americans need to stop building parking lots, which you agreed with.

After nearly an hour and a half, he disengaged, turning to Tommy, “I have to head out now, Toms. I’ll see you tomorrow though, yeah?”

Tommy nodded, then gave Wilbur a bit of an evil grin, turning to you, “Did Wilbur tell you he’s a big musician? He’s got to leave early because he’s got a gig tomorrow and has to do boring musician things.”

“Really?” You grinned softly, “That’s really fucking cool.”

“Yeah, well, Wilbur’s lame, but his band is cool. You should come to the gig!” Tommy exclaimed, and Wilbur’s cheeks dusted red, eyes widening at Tommy.

“I’d love to, but, only if it’s okay with you, I guess,” You looked up at Wilbur, raising your eyebrows.

He nodded a bit stiffly, “yeah, no, that’d be great. The more the merrier. I’ll see you both tomorrow then.” He waved, heading off quite quickly after.

“Is… he going to be mad at you for inviting me?” You chuckled, looking over at Tommy.

“Eh, he will be at first. I’ll probably wake up to an upset text, but it’s just because he gets nervous playing in front of people he wants to impress. Once he does fine after, he’ll text me all ‘Oh, Tommy, you’re so smart and right, thank you for inviting them since I was too much of a pussyhole to ask myself,’” he mocked Wilbur’s voice, and you laughed a bit. You blushed slightly at the implication that Wilbur wanted to impress you.

After a bit longer, the group dispersed, and you headed home. You actually ended up living pretty close to Tommy, who was about two blocks down from you. As you headed inside to your apartment, you smiled and got excited at the idea of going to the gig tomorrow and seeing Wilbur again. You fell asleep excited and wondering what type of music you’d hear from him and pleased with the people you’d happened to find. 

You managed to get to the gig without too much trouble the next day, and you were shocked by the sheer amount of people waiting outside. Tommy had texted you about going to a back entrance, which thankfully wasn’t too hard to find. He was waiting by the door to help you in as well, and you felt immediately starstruck. 

The place was pretty big, and Wilbur was already standing in the centre of the stage, practicing something on his guitar. The lights were hitting him perfectly, and he looked like an angel. You struggled to look away, until Tommy came up and basically draped himself against you.

“Stop simpin’ after Wilbur, c’monnnn, we’re heading backstage. He needs his little ‘rockstar-practice time’ or whatever.”

You flushed, turning away from Wilbur, “I’m not simping, I’m just in awe. This is really cool.”

“Yeah, yeah, well,” he walked further backstage with you following him, “you should’ve seen how long it took him to get used to it. Whole band did a bunch of fake shows to get used to performing.”

“Really? That’s smart, actually.”

Tommy just shrugged, taking you to room backstage where there was a much larger group of people than the night before. You recognized Molly and Jack, but the other three were complete strangers.

“Oh, Y/N, you came!” Molly grinned, waving. You waved back at her, nodding a bit. 

“These lot are more of the band. They are much cooler than Wilbur, you’ll find. That’s Ash, Leandra, and Mark.”

You waved, saying a quick hello, before allowing yourself to become an observer of the conversation.

The show started not too long after, with you, Jack, Molly, and Tommy watching from the side stage. You quickly discovered that the band, Lovejoy, was incredibly popular, and their music was fantastic. And Wilbur.

Wilbur was something else on stage. He was fully in his element, lights covering him in halo glows. His voice was melodic, and it made you want to melt. From the side stage, you could see how he leaned against the mic, the passion in his voice, and the intensity he matched in each song. It was about halfway through the show though, that you felt you blood run cold.

The song you’d heard in the cab when you moved in. It was their song. And if that wasn’t just the biggest coincidence slapping you in the face than god knows what was. You didn’t know what to make of it, other than feeling incredibly overwhelmed by fate and the new friends you’d made.

By the end of the show, you felt strange. You felt incredibly uncertain about your place in the world most days, but for some reason, as you watched Wilbur approach you and the group, you felt like there was no where else you belonged.

“Hey,” he walked over with a grin, “You came! What did you think?”

He looked almost nervous as he asked, sweat still dripping from his forehead as you chuckled, “It was amazing! I actually recognized one as well!”

A startled look crossed his face for a moment, “You did? Which one?”

“The, ah, I didn’t catch the name of it originally, but I want to say it’s Call Me What You Like if the setlists are correct. It was playing in my cab when I was dropped off in Brighton.”

He grinned, “Really? It was on the radio?” 

You nodded, “Yeah! I thought it was fantastic, but I didn’t have time to catch the name. At least now I don’t have to worry about forgetting it.”

“Oh, trust me, I wouldn’t let you,” he gave you a grin that shined brighter than any light on that stage, and you felt butterflies flood your stomach as you considered that maybe it was fate that brought you here.

Sometimes you didn’t consider the ways that time worked. In the span of one year, so much more had changed than you’d ever even considered. You moved to a new country, started a new school, made new friends. You cut your hair, changed your wardrobe, got a better music taste. You became much more social, started dating Wilbur, learned to feel more confident in yourself. 

The relationship probably was the most shocking of anything to happen. But it happened quickly, and it felt so right and so easy, as if your previous heartbreaks never occurred. You still had problems, mind you, however, there was something within you telling you it was fate constantly. 

You thought about fate a lot when you thought about your relationship. The random effect of the universe tended to have a weird way of making you think about stuff like that. The statistical chances of choosing to move to Brighton by throwing a dart at a map, of hearing Wilbur’s song play in your cab. Then there were the numerous things you’d learned over time, small coincidences that pointed to a string of fate tying you together. Of the color of his first album being the color of your first prom dress. Of the time he visited America and ended up staying twenty minutes from where you lived. Of your first boyfriend sharing Wilbur’s middle name. Of all these tiny clues of parallel moments within your lives that you could only see now in retrospect. 

The biggest thing within this string was the connection you felt to him that first night. It felt like that little string pulled you straight into that bar. When all of a sudden, all the stress and feelings you’d had about heartbreak and needing to run felt soothed, all past mistakes feeling fuzzy in comparison to something that was so right. 

“Darling,” Wilbur chuckled softly, “What are you thinking so hard about?” He smiled, walking over to where you were already laying down, ready for bed. 

“Do you ever think about fate?” You asked as he gently pressed a kiss to your forehead. 

“Not often, I guess. Why?”

“I just think about us, and I just feel like there’s been a string connecting us, tying us together, and we just couldn’t see it.”

He smiled softly, slowly getting into bed next to you, “You think?”

“I don’t know for certain. But I know that there’s way too many coincidences to be normal. And that in one year, just by moving here… I don’t know it feels like I wasn’t living before being here, and even more now that I’m with you. I actually feel in charge of my life. Like time just changed everything for the better, and I have to at least believe that maybe it’s because fate brought us here.”

He wrapped an arm around your waist, pulling you into him, “Yeah. I’ve never quite thought about it like that. I like that idea though. I mean, the chances of us actually meeting were so slim. As much as I don’t love the concept of fate, I’ll love fate for this. Because if fate is what brought me to you, then I owe it so much.” 

You smiled lovingly at him, leaning forward to kiss him gently, “I owe it so much too. That- that little thread of gold tying us together.”

He held you a bit tighter, turning off the lamp next to him, “You think it’d be gold?”

“Oh, absolutely.”

He chuckled, “Why is that?”

“Because it’s your last name. And the leaves were gold when I moved here in the fall. What about you?”

“Hm,” he hummed, “Gold could be fitting. But I think it’d be some sort of blue or purple, like the sunset we watched on our first proper date.”

“That’d be nice,” you smiled softly, “I’m just glad it was there, if it is real.”

“Me too, love,” he whispered, before pulling you into a slow and gentle kiss. 

[pharaohbean]

Hey, saw your Prsk Unit Shuffle AU and am very interested in seeing more.

In particular, I'm interested in hearing more about how the groups formed. It's always neat to see how these characters first meet and interact under different circumstances. And, as a little bonus, maybe what their "Untitled"/theme song is, because I feel like that's a very key part of a unit's identity that tends to be overlooked.

(Not sure if you're still interested in asks about this AU. If not, sorry for bugging you about it)

GASP HELLO I LOVE TALKING ABOUT MY UNIT SHUFFLE AU im so sorry this too forever to get u back on!! schoolwork is a pain and then i went SHOPPING (which takes forever :sob:)

okok so i haven't really thought about all the details of how they get together? so bear with me this is a rough draft lol

SSS: the idea at the core of this group is that its a family with different strengths coming together to make music. so tsukasa is the scriptwriter, saki is the lyricist, toya is the choreographer, and kanade is the composer! the group is headed by tsukasa, who's actually been putting on these shows for all of them since he was a kid. as he got older, he started taking stardom more seriously (leading into canon), but an incident in middle school ended up with the tenmas legally adopting toya, so that definitely shook things up for tsukasa (in a good way!). so i think that (+ l/n not reforming, which does happen in the SSS main story) allowed tsukasa and saki to consider banding their strengths together, since tsukasa loved putting on shows and saki loved seeing them, but she would also help put them on for toya (and later kanade, when she joins them not long after toya does). the two of them very quickly realize that they need more hands, and although recruiting kanade as composer is easy (bc 25ji never forms- dont ask why im still figuring that out lol) toya is a lot harder bc he's still active under BAD DOGS with akito. however, with akito picking up AWR around the same time (+ hatsune freaking miku appearing to toya), toya does join under their choreographer as for their untitled, their song is Wonderland and the Sheep's Song by Hachi, but I worked out their line distributions to this lovely KYO cover! you can see my color-coded lyrics for them here if you're interested :)

R/l: im gonna be 100% honest with you SSS and AWR are the only ones with any semblance of a plot rn LOL but here's the base idea around R/l: mizuki and rui both congregate on the kami school rooftop bc, yknow, loners (mizuki is never reached out to by kanamafu, so not 25ji on their part. tsukasa doesnt end up applying for phoenix so wxs doesn't have a chance of forming). at some point, i imagine they got talking about music, but never did anything concrete. but not long into the main story (probably the very start) an also joins them, her dream of surpassing rad weekend getting weaker as she struggles to find a partner (koha will be explained later) so she goes to hang with her friend on the rooftop. at some point, mizu and an both accidentally enter sekai, where they meet miku and len. those two tell them that there's still two others they need to find because they also made the sekai. mizu and an get.... maybe a little too excited over this. an takes this chance to invite her friend haruka over to kami (so she transfers) and join the group, but in their search for their fourth member they end up accidentally alienating rui (ironic). they fix that tho-- although HOW i dont know lol their untitled was one i went back and forth on (tbh only SSS and AWR i didnt lol), but i eventually decided on Untitled Hymn by shaito! their color-coded lyrics are here (i just realized you can barely tell where an is in lines but ehhh)

ATD: okay so. ATD is the group thats given the most gosh-darn trouble. ive revised their cast motivations like, TWICE now. but basically it goes like this: shizuku and mafuyu are both members of the archery club, with mafuyu trusting shizuku so much that her public mask slips a couple of times (against her will). shizuku's not dumb, but she doesn't say anything bc i think she understands that mafu has her secrets. after shizuku quits being an idol (on more of her own terms), she still wants to find a way to share the light she had before that seemed to reach mafu a few times. enter: accidental sekai trip! this trip both gives shizu the idea for an online group (which could sorta count as MMJ but i think the big distinction is they do more streamer/vtuber stuff and less purely idol stuff?? im still working on that) and lets her see mafu with her mask fully off. eventually, shizu drags nene into the business (nene never attends kami here, workin on that) bc shizu and mafu have no idea how streaming works and nene does, but nene likes hiding behind the camera but is still a part of the group bc who can say no to shizu? and hona joins at shizu's request bc they're both beautification members (and apparently hona+mafu are both honors students so i wonder if they have some overlap?? can you tell ive never attended public school lol) their untitled gave me SO MUCH TROUBLE. because ATD is supposed to be a weird mix of 25ji and mmj? but all of their songs get swiped by either R/l, AWR, or even SSS, so it was hard to find something that i thought could be specifically them. eventually, i finally decided on Common World Domination by PinocchioP! Their color-coded lyrics can be found here :)

MxC: oh boy this one's a doozy. so the idea here is like... there are underground music rings? which sounds wild but like if music is vaguely the lifeblood of this world i DONT CARE it can happen! i don't wanna make it life-threatening tho so its more like... you get blacklisted from everything. which for shiho--who got sucked into this world in an attempt to find bandmates--is VERY BAD. but shiho's given a little bit to find a band before their first performance, but with l/n definitely gone their separate ways (and she never wanted to involve them in the first place) she's kinda stuck. enter: airi and ena! both of them had been watching the music battles, unsatisfied with their current lives (airi having just quit idol/tv work, ena just frustrated over her art), but airi knows shiho thru miya, and when she heard about shiho's impending doom, she resolved herself to very quickly learn guitar and join her group, roping ena (who has a little bit of drum experience from akito and mom) into it as well. meanwhile, while all of this is going on, kohane (being the sweet soul she is) has been trailing shiho out of concern, but then is entirely horrified at the underground battles bc shes still pre-canon meek. but she really wants to help shiho, so she agrees to try and learn keyboard. after clearing the first battle, shiho and her group are safe--for now. they'll have to clear a lot more battles if they want to escape the underground their untitled is Hello Builder by UtsuP since i wanted them to have harsher rock songs than l/n (bordering on metal-ish)! color-coded lyrics here :)

AWR: funny story--all of the above units were made in the order listed! so i got to AWR and... i have ichika, minori, emu, and akito. and im like "NONE OF THESE PEOPLE HAVE ANYTHING IN COMMON". and then i went. "WAIT. THATS IT!" so here's how AWR goes: ichika still tries to reform l/n, but fails; minori is still trying to become an idol; and emu is still trying to revive the wonder stage. all three of them, all attending miya ofc, end up bonding over this and they start thinking. is there a way to satisfy all three of their dreams (band, idol, and show) at once? and at FIRST the answer is "no lol" so they go exploring. and somehow someway (workin on that) word finds out about this and some guy on vivid street dares akito to try and fix em into shape in a week. akito--being akito--accepts quite hotheadedly, then quickly realizes that maybe this wasnt a good idea?? because EVERYONE has a different music taste and its almost impossible to keep up with them all!!! but eventually they do figure it all out, and by the end none of them wanted to split apart or anything. AWR is i think the group that has the least amount of direction which might be on purpose. i think (again im rambling rn so) part of their story is figuring out what their direction is going to be! their untitled is Lip Sync by DECO*27, written as a part of holo*27 (hi no im not rlly into vtubers i just like their music) but i count it bc its written by a voca producer and this would not be the first time a non-vocaloid sung a unit song (cough cough mafumafu and tuyu). you CAN find my color-coded lyrics here.... but i did the translations. which means they're pretty much 98% google translated then bonked around to make sense. i dont know japanese please dont sue me

i hope you enjoy my indepth explanation!!! im always happy to talk about these guys :D

[lyriumsings]

Ok, let’s get this over with here’s everything that was wrong with this ATLA adaptation. I’m gonna try to start from the beginning there’s a lot lmao:

I didn’t care for them showing the genocide of the air nomads. This is what i feel like what they meant by wanting to “appeal to GOT fans” it felt like it was trying to be edgy. Changing Aang to “needing to clear his head” instead of literally running away from his responsibilities because he’s a scared goddamn child was pure stupidity. And takes so much away from him. Even the scenes going back and showing Aang “being so much more special” than the other kids was so stupid. He wasn’t “so much more special” that’s the point. Up until Aang discovered he was the Avatar he was normal! He lived a normal life his friends treated him like everyone else! that’s literally WHY he ran away! Because they instantly started treating him differently after it became known he was the Avatar!!

Holy shit all the shit they tried to shove together in the arcs. From omashu to the southern air temple to sokka’s fucking ice berg trials. It was clunky, cheap, and downright disrespectful to the source material and I 100% support the creators leaving lmfao cuz this shit is a joke.

So much happens with so little explanation but at the same time core character traits are overexplained. They’re constantly saying “oh you’re so kind, you’re so fierce, etc” having characters verbally DESCRIBE other characters charter traits, instead of fucking showing it. Katara for example (just one of the many characters they fucking butchered but i digress) in the opening scene when Katara screams at Sokka for his sexist remarks and breaks the ice that showed just how unconsciously powerful she is at water bending. She is a prodigy. This is shown to you literally in the opening moments of the show. After discovering Aang in the iceberg Katara runs head first at the iceberg with Sokka’s boomerang to bust it open. This shows that Katara is impulsive and rash but kind and caring. She is literally breaking open the ice having no idea what it will do in the name of helping someone who clearly needs help (who realistically would most likely be dead) but she tried. Like that whole opening of ATLA told you so much about her character WITHOUT LITERALLY HOLDING YOUR HAND AND TELLING YOU. Then taking out Sokka’s sexism and letting him unlearn it was pure fucking lazy. Reducing Katara to “younger sister who needs to grow up” was a bad joke.

Like listen i’m not a “oh my god it should’ve been frame for frame like the cartoon” like there’s room for acceptable changes and space to add to the narrative. The way they got into Omashu was an acceptable change (not the jet part but hitching a ride was fine), adding Lu Tan’s funeral was GREAT it ADDED to the overall story and added depth to Iroh, even the bit with the Earth Kingdom soldier was good. Adding in Ozai’s little dogs at Azusa showing him pushing her behind the scenes and pitting her against Zuko was also nice imo. Like these are things they could’ve added and worked with the original creators on. Even the part where in the bar they’re like in the background easter-egging about the canyon episode like that was fine anything that was pure filler could’ve been mentioned in that way. But that’s the thing with ATLA few things are PURE filler. Almost every ep arc serves a genuine purpose, which is why shoving it all in a blender and hoping for the best was really not it.

Even Appa and Momo were reduced to like a mode of transportation (i also didn’t like this in legend of Korra bison became more like cars had less personality and purpose and were just A Way To Get Around i get why bc there were so many etc etc but still) and like a pet. When they’re not! they’re genuine characters! ESPECIALLY APPA! They play crucial roles in the plot they have a purpose and agency they’re not just “funky animal side kicks” which is what they feel reduced to, to me. Appa is so vital to the group and episode that is 90% silence and is just about his time away from aang is literally one of the best episodes in atla.

I haven’t even finished the whole thing yet this is just my thoughts so far based on what i remember rn through my disappointed rage lmao so ✨i’ll be back✨

[a-dauntless-daffodil]

ooh youd never watched mh before? like not the og series either? i also really like the new show!

Never! Think might have heard about the toys once, a few years back? A bit isolated out here heheh, and the internet speed is... well

BUT YEAH THE NEW SHOW! Gen 3? THAT ONE!!!!

okay so far i've only seen what's free on youtube and The Monstering and that's enough to tell me something Very Important about this show. Well. A few Very Important Things

1.) HALLOWEEN SCHOOL THATS SPOOKY YES YES YES

when was a kid (one million years ago) i was Obsessed with the idea of Halloween Town and loved imagining all these stories about my version of it

(accessed via a well, for some reason)

imagined being a pumpkin headed scarecrow (legit my first self insert OC, before I know those terms) and hanging out with MY ghoul friends (werewolf, vampire, skeleton, ghost, the usual)

drew fanart for it and daydreamed about it all year long...

my neighbor, the kid i played most with bc neither of us had anyone else, liked playing animal uprising in barbie town and wasn't so keen on the spooks, so my desire for a funky creepy friend group VESTERED. like worms. or maybe maggots

AND NOw

MONTER HIGH?????

There've been other shows or movies that TRY to do this, but they either go too dark for me, or the spook stuff is so surface level it's like halloween decorations

MONSTER HIGH IS JUST- PERFECT

soft core body horror via Frankie! Oh hey Cleo has bugs crawling under her wrappings! The teens are eating EYES and BRAINS and sloppy joes made from TOES?

COMMITED TO THE SPOOK

The students are ACTUAL spooks! Draculaura can turn into a bat! She's got NO reflection! Frankie keeps falling apart- Literally! Ghost students!

Creative use of the spook! Here's an eyeball to record your class project on!

it's VIBES

the vibes are EVERYWHERE

I LOVE BAD PUNS AND THIS IS FULL OF THEM EVERYWHERE ALL THE TIME

2.) This show feels safe. Comfortable. Cozy.

Meet Frankie. They use they/them pronouns

THAT JUST HAPPENS SO CASUALLY IT JUST HAPPENS SO EASILY AND WE ALL MOVE ON LIKE ITS NORMAL TO SEE THAT IN A SHOW

Clawdeeeeeen and the school...

the students go from AHH A HUMAN!! to sneaking around trying to eves drop on Clawdeen and the headmistress and now they don't look scared they look curious, they're interested in this human talking about her love of monster stories and how she doesn't fit in with humans and just wants to stay here with them- it's sweet. It's so sweet.

Even before she turn out to be part werewolf, the feeling is, the students like her. They'd be happy to have her stay. There's a connection here even WITHOUT being a monster

like Draculaura and Frankie and Duce want to help Clawdeen figure out what kind of monster she might be SO SHE CAN STAY. the framing is, turning out to be a monster would be the EXCUSE for her to be here, with friends. The ones she already has, now

my heart

dont touch me

I NEED A SOFT SHOW LIKE THIS. I NEED, JUST, HEY WE CAN BE KIND ON A GENERAL BASIS. THE WORLD CAN BE LIKE THIS

3.) the... the expectations of what a body should look like.... break them and be joyful

Clawdeen the werewolf girl is worried for a sec that she doesn't have ENOUGH armpit hair

for fun we get to see it growing THROUGH her SHIRT!

also i dont know why but it feels like this is one of the first times i've seen weregirls with leg and arm hair that has actual, noticeable, fur tufts. not just smooth with a fur coloring. this has Texture. these girls are HAIRY

and again it's just another thing, it's normal at monster high

hey i love it

Iris is on the fear squad

IRIS IS ON THE FEAR SQUAD

the monster who is fat and has one giant eyeball is on monster high's version of the cheerleading squad!

LAGOONA HAS ACTUAL NEEDLE SHAP TEETH

ALLLLLLLL. OF. FRANKIE.

metal leg? Clear and obvious scar stiches all over their body? yep! zero self image issues this monster is just out there grooving!

hey this merdude has a tail with no legs he uses a wheelchair no biggie

look

i have EXTREME dysphoria and no money to do anything about it

i want to go to monster high, too

it looks safe

last and most important of all....

4.) WRITING ! HEY! THE WRITING IS SHARP AND THE EDITING IS CRUNCHY

character voices. CHARACTER VOICES.

THEY HAVE THEM

a lowbar, you might think, and yet i've spent good money on media written for adults that DOES NOT HAVE THIS

i've watched maybe, four five eps? and already i can HEAAR the characters in my head! i can feel the TONE of the show! i can imagine my own little adventures for them bc it's easy to feel what they'd say or do!

I LOVE CHARACTER VOICES

you know what i hate? things that arn't set up! things that are forgotten!

eleven minutes and so far not ONCE has something happened that wasn't set up before hand

Oh everyone's out of the camera ghoul yay- wait. I don't see cleo in the pile. did they forget to animate her?

NOPE

She's still in the camera monster's pocket dimension!

SHE REFUSES TO LEAVE UNTIL IT FINALLY TAKES A GOOD PHOTO OF HER FOR THE FEAR BOOK!

as set up by her having trouble even buying coffee bc her id doesn't look like her, as set up by her new photo also getting ruined accidentally by Frankie, as set up by her getting caught by the monster when she came back to demand another photo!

the way the three bell chime "ding, ding, DOOOM" are used when Clawdeen is exchanging thumbs up with the wolf pack only to cut on the DOOOM to her going into the woods for the pack meeting against her instincts

nervous ding nervous ding BIG DOOOOOM OF THIS IS A BAD IDEA

brain candy

that's brain candy for me

i feel like a zombie media student

"gOoOoOd eDiTtInG....!" i moan, shambling towards the next episode with arms out stretched

there's so much of this tbh its always there

ok i have to stop this rant this is getting ridiculous

QUICK OTHER MENTIONS OF AWESOME

---- VOice acting! I'm sensitive to stiff acting and these ppl are haivng FUN i can FEEEEEEL it. Cleo and Spectra stand out for me. And Lagoona especially. i love Lagoona

---- DESIGN AND COLORS aye it's pretty! my eyes are having fun!

---- MUSIC AND SOUND DESIGN they are on point and make everything ten times better

----- WORLD BUILDING i don't need to explore it but it feels like there's a world and a history of monsters out there and that sells the whole school

----- THE FEELS so far Draculaura in the Food Fight ep hits the hardest. Girl giving a presentation against witch craft, while secretly practicing witch craft, to convince herself it's bad... needing confidence to cast spells correctly, only she loses hers... all of the wanting to be a witch, it makes her feel like her, and then- the realization that that MAKES her a witch. She already IS one. She wants to tell her dad but, just, can't. And her friends support her.... oh, that hit good

And also, of course, Frankie the nonbinary monster!

who isn't a split of guy and girl, or a multiple personality deal. They're just. Nonbinary. They don't need a reason or an explanation.

sure you could say, it's cause they're made up of parts from other people, but the show doesn't say that. Frankie calls those parts their "past" selves/lives. this is their life though and they are their own self. silly, sweet, emotional, curious Frankie Stein. who goes by they/them

as someone with zero gender, who can't introduce my self as they/them, that feels so good

this SHOW feels so good

cleo/frankie is really cute, very adorable, but i think im just bitten for the whole show now. i don't care what happens in particular just let me frolic gleefully in the childhood i wish id had :)

[scourgefrontiers]

oc spotlight: patoto (villainverse)

oh man ok. villainverse patoto. probably one of my favorite ocs ive ever made tbh

he started out as a joke almost, a sort of "what if?" au sorta deal. what if patoto was a villainous saiyan? it sounded like such a fun concept i just had to explore it. and then i came up with this design

which was just SO cool to me i couldnt stop thinking about it. and then before i knew it he became his own character--a patoto from a parallel universe where he was a ruthless warrior, totally opposite from his mainverse counterpart

he developed so fast from there. i gave him a companion that ended up being kinpa, and he developed into kinpa's bodyguard. i gave him a rival that ended up being calabris. i gave him a complicated relationship with his parents, one of which he thought was dead for most of his life (his armor is actually based off of hers to remember her by). his universe grew and his story basically wrote itself i was so obsessed with him and still am

here's his current ref showing how much he's grown

even today im still giving him more development and story! as of right now in the timeline (post-mirrors and post-facets), he has a child with his partner kinpa and his family has grown from just him to a group of six including himself! he's learned to have friends and open his heart to others, and he's gotten so strong im so proud of him.

mirrors would have never existed had i not ran with his concept like i did. his character and story contrasting with mainverse patoto's is just so fun and awesome to me and i've always had fun with it and i feel like i'll continue to have fun with it as well!!

i could honestly keep going about some specific details abt him like his relationship with kinpa and zumeg (both of them) and his father and his kid and. yknow what i will LOL

his relationship with kinpa started as just a bodyguard situation but OF COURSE that developed into an actual partnership bc i love that shit. he was this cold and frankly mean guy that wanted nothing to do with kinpa or being his bodyguard--he hated it. but after getting trapped on earth in a parallel universe, he learned to open up to the idea of having at least one friend and letting himself care about someone for the first time since he was a child.

as for his parents...thats complicated lol. (facets spoilers ahead !!!) his mother zumeg was presumed dead when she didnt return from a battle when he was just a boy, and his father left some time before that, so he was basically raised in an orphanage into adulthood (or at least until he could join the army). he met the mainverse zumeg and that shook him to his core bc she was not only so different but she still cared about him and reminded him what it was like to be loved by his own mother. it wasnt until way later, many many years later, that he decided he wanted to find his father and find out why he left them. after getting that clarification, he chose to give his father a second chance at being part of his life--more for himself than his father, really--and then not long after that he discovered his mother was actually alive, just under someone's control. he saved her, and suddenly he had a family again.

i havent quite developed his story with his kid just yet, but so far what i figure is that he isnt experienced with children at all so he does have a hard time balancing the tough parenting act and the gentle, kind parenting. snake (his son) does feel a pressure to be as great as his father, since he's heard the stories of how he saved the universe before and how he continues to fight and reach new heights. patoto is a little awkward at handling this and has a hard time showing that he's proud of his son and that sort of causes a little tension between them but it eventually works out

basically i love villainverse patoto. a lot. i would die for him actually

[tangentofk]

gonna be raw as fuck, since i haven't slept and my emotions are all over the place.

so, i found my old live journal. that's not the cringey part.

in it, i found the remnants of messages/other blogs of... "people," or maybe I should say, "characters" that I talked with during the time.

a tl;dr of this high school story is that, i'm pretty sure this girl in high school created a bunch of "friends" and role played them on their live journals/had AIM screen names for them. In particular, one was named "Eric" and... god this hurts saying out loud, or rather, typing it to the world, and she used this Persona to flirt with me/get my affection with this person via LJ and AIM. After 3 years of this, I pulled the plug on Eric separately, and kindly told this girl to fuck off cause I couldn't "deal with the drama of her and her friends." I have never spoken to this person since, and I hope to keep it that way.

I never got definitive proof, but there were a few red flags-- i rememeber my one friend got "Eric's number" from this girl, for me to discover she had it saved as her own number in her phone. The fact that Eric always had some reason we never could meet up. How fairy tale/fantastical their lives were and I never could be a part of it.

Why am I typing all this? Because discovering this live journal just opened up the flood gates of all this trauma that... I never fully processed. Or knew what to even do. I was 17-- we didn't even HAVE the word "Catfish" in our dictionary. Whenever the show later showed up, and coined the phrase, i was like "THAT'S WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED TO ME?!?!" Keep in mind, this is internet hay day, out law country, I had no resources to help verify any of what was going on around me... I just... trust what this person was typing on the screen, and what my friend told me IRL in High School/College.

Now here I am, searching through these old archives, trying to remember this story i buried away in my brain to protect myself. I'm finding the moment I first started talking to them... it was right after my jaw got broken my senior year of high school. And you know what this psycho bitch did as a hook for me, knowing I Was reading her Live Journal?

She gave one of these characters a broken jaw too. And i ate it up-- I sympathized, and I reached out to this "person" to send my condolences. She used my trauma to fucking lure me in. This guy was the "boyfriend" of "Eric," and I some how convinced myself "Eric" loved me.

As I dig through these archives, I see this character vague-posting about "this thing i can't talk about" and "he knows my feelings for him."

I was caught-- hook line and sinker, like a fucking catfish.

Funny how all these characters stopped posting around the same time, a year after I stopped communicating with that person from high school.

I know no one reads these long posts.

But this... this needed to be typed out.

I never vocalized this to anyone. Ever. Even the people who KNEW "Eric" and "Dave" and "John" in my core friend group. They knew of them bc i talked about them all the time... I was obsessed.

I thought I was in love. I told this figment of a girls imagination that I loved them. There's so much more to this story, and I'm actively forgetting/remembering it all at once... and i'm really going through it right now.

And that's completely fucked me up for a long time, guys.

[golbrocklovely]

Random question,

Were you homeschooled? If you were, I have literally no socialization when it comes to people besides family. My mental health is rotting, I'm extremely emotionally sensitive, and I feel I really need friends, like it just feels like it would help alot.

What do you think?

i was only homeschooled for 8th grade, but i do get the sentiment of not knowing how to make friends. i used to have a big friend group that i've since lost bc back in 2020 my best friend of 10 years (and basically my life line to that group) decided she didn't want to be friends with me anymore bc her life was too stressful and she figured she was a shit friend anyway so she should cut me loose (along with a mirade of other things that went on that she blamed it on). so, i haven't had a core group of friends in a long time and i struggle to connect with ppl.

i will say, your best bet - at least at first - is to try to make friends online based on things/fandoms you are a part of. i have my couple friends on here, and even tho we almost exclusively talk about snc related shit, i still count them as my closest friends. and it's nice to be able to talk to them about that stuff.

and as for in real life stuff you can do to make friends, idk how old you are, but try to see if there are any local groups or events you can join in your area. see if there is a book group at your local library, see if there are any classes at a community center you can take. hell, even getting a job where some of the ppl in that place are the same age as you is good starting point as well. when you are in forced proximity with ppl, you tend to befriend others more often. that's why a lot of us were even able to have friends in school.

try to go into everything with an open mind. and genuinely remember that 99% of ppl are a, in the same boat as you (confused and don't know what to do next) and b, aren't trying to hurt your feelings. most ppl are nice. of course there are assholes, but try not to let ppl like that bring you down. and gentle reminder, you most likely are not as awkward as you feel. and i know that from personal experience lol

also, my biggest recommendation is working on yourself as well and learning to become your own best friend. i know that's very cliche and silly to say, but highkey one of the best choices i ever made was learning to cut myself some slack and start being nice to myself. if you can afford it, consider therapy. but i know that's not always an option for ppl (even myself). try to do some introspection on who you are, the obstacles you've gone thru and overcame, and do your best to be nice to yourself. i'm telling you, when you start to actually like yourself and give yourself a break, especially on the things you had no control over in the first place, life starts to feel a lot less harder to deal with.

even if your first step is to start reading self help books - do that. write out your feelings more, explore why you act the way you do and if that's something you want to change. set goals that are reasonable, put pride into yourself. treat yourself like you would someone you are friends with. think of yourself as someone worthy of love, bc you are.

but let it be known that this will not happen overnight. i wish it did, but it took me YEARS, i truly mean years, to finally start liking myself and having any resemblance of confidence. it will not happen in one go. you have to be consistent and constantly working on yourself. and i know that can be difficult. but in the long run it will do wonders for yourself.

i wish i had all the answers for you, and i wish i knew the best course for you to take. and i wish you all the luck in the world. i truly believe you will make friends and start a great path on your mental health journey. it won't be easy, and it will take a lot of time, but it's worth it bc you deserve that. you deserve happiness <3

[butch-reidentified]

Detrans female lurker here. I wanted to chime in with some thoughts on voice training. I think you’re correct that most ftms don’t really end up with a fully male-passing voice, but I unfortunately did and it used to be a huge insecurity and source of anxiety for me. The idea of training my voice sounded really intimidating at first, but I decided it was worth a try and I’m really glad I did. It took me a few months to get decent results, but now my trained voice sounds almost exactly like my pre-T voice, just a bit raspier. I see a lot of detrans women who feel they’re stuck with a voice they hate and I want to offer some reassurance that this isn’t the case—they can change it if they want to. Voice training can be a pain but it really does work, and it becomes automatic once you’ve been at it long enough.

Unrelated: thank you for being a voice of reason and nuance. Like you, I don’t regret my mastectomy, and when I first started orbiting radfem spaces I was very put off by all the “mutilated and ruined” talk. I find it deeply hypocritical, and I’m glad there are people speaking out against it.

Hi! So happy to meet you! I always felt pressured to hide that my surgery helped me, since it doesn't serve the common agenda of many radfems/gc folks, but one of my most core rules for myself is total honesty. I genuinely take great pride in approaching all things with nuance and caution (my nickname in a certain section of facebook back in the day was Queen of Nuance lmaoo). It makes me really happy to hear that it's noticed and makes a difference for others.

I think being vocal and honest about our positive experiences with surgery could also be a key step in helping to repair relations between radfems and trans folks, since there are many people in both groups (and some people who belong to both!) who aren't on the extreme end and see the potential benefit in building a bridge.

It also helps show genderists that I'm coming from a place of understanding, empathy, honesty, and genuineness, not hatred of trans/dysphoric/gnc people (I am dysphoric and gnc, and it could be argued I am trans in a medical but not ideological sense).

I also, VERY importantly, want this blog to be somewhere other radfems and others questioning gender ideology feel 100% safe to talk to me, ask questions, or express opinions that parts of radblr might react more harshly to. I don't think there's anything wrong with that - women are not required to be patient, educators, etc., and I certainly feel the need to scream and rant and lash out my fair share - but if we want to put the good of all women and girls first, and reach other women/girls and show them there is safety in sisterhood, some of us need to take that patient, nuanced role on sometimes. I find that people go from hateful to open pretty quick once they realize in one-on-one interaction that I'm not some trans-hating bogeyman, just a regular woman who understands dysphoria and wants everyone to be as healthy, happy, and free as possible.

Thanks for the voice training info btw! I definitely believe in the power of voice training. Despite some radfems claiming otherwise, when done right for a prolonged period of time, you can do most anything with vocal training, and it does become your "real voice." I think a lot of radfems who haven't known many MTFs irl think their voices are all fake and that if, say, they talk in their sleep, it would be in a regular deep man's voice. That's not true. Now, my experience is pretty limited to gender critical transsexuals rather than gendies, but I often discuss my mtf best friend on here, who's stayed over at me n my wife's house many times and is a hell of a sleep talker 🤣 At least in her case (and again, I use "she" bc my brain has only ever perceived her as female so it feels dishonest not to, not because she has asked me to or cares in the slightest), I can 100% confirm that the trained voice is permanent and never disappears - I mean it is like working out one muscle group a ton and letting another atrophy, so it makes sense. So it's not like voice training means talking in a fake voice for the rest of your life, which is what a lot of people seem to think.

I'm glad to hear you have no regrets about surgery and are happy as you are :) I'd love to chat more with you and hear your perspectives and opinions!

[jaywritesrps]

Yo, not really sure how to put this, but all the mutual soccer friends of Ali and Ash took Ali’s side because they saw firsthand how it all went down, how completely disrespectful and vindictive Ash was to her partner of 13 years, and couldn’t, in good faith, support Ash, or Sophia.

People get divorced all the time. Sure, it’s awkward for the friend groups, but if everyone is mature adults, usually no one is aggressively picking a side. That did not happen here. Ash was completely immature and selfish and thought only of herself. She got no friend support bc they saw behavior so egregious and spiteful that they couldn’t in good faith support her.

Had Ash and Sophia been smarter and more mindful of Ali and the two literal babies at home, their coming out as a couple could have gone so much better. Even waiting a few months would have helped. But they didn’t. And can’t understand that no one is supportive, because both women, at their core are narcissists.

Listen, I’m all for living your truth and being happy. Everyone deserves that. But, it should absolutely not come at the expense of other people, and it doesn’t give you a license to act as crappy as you want.

Ash and Sophia seem to have a little friend group now that supports them, and Sophia has her own circle that has adopted Ash, but outside of that, they’re viewed as kind of a cringy joke. I think Sophia thought they’d be seen as a combo of Glennon/Abby and Sue/Pinoe, and that had absolutely not happened.

Like I said, did you guys notice that everyone that was on Ashlyn's side, or supposed to be on her side, on the moment they start to hang out with Ali, they become team Ali? Also, whenever this happens, Sophia is quick to go on IG do a passive agressive story without actually telling what is going on? This is not a coincidence at all.

it's why I will repeated: We don't know what the hell Ashlyn told about Ali to Sophia. All we know is that it must be bad judging by the story Sophia posted this week after Preath podcast and at least 80% of a lie cause of how the whole soccer community is acting when they know Ali's side of the story and for a couple of stories I have heard over the years about Ashlyn and how she treated lower staff people in Pride's administration.

About Sophia and Ashlyn, all tea no shade, my first read of this relationship was that Ashlyn used Sophia as a shield to get out of her marriage, is using her right now for fame and Sophia is too dumb to see that, cause she is desperated for love and acceptance, you don't have to be an expert to see those patterns on her relationships, and if you compare their individual timelines you can see this with 100% of certain. After a while, I thought I might be wrong about this reading, Ashlyn deserved the benefit of the doubt, and that even if that was the case, maybe she could be better cause Sophia is in fact a good person, but after starting to dig in the soccer community, the whole "do you know who are you talking with?" in the restaurant in NYC and hearing Sophia's side of this, I am more than sure that I got right in the first guess. It's also why I lost the interest in this relationship cause as Fernanda Young wisely said "Naivety after a certain age is a sign of bad character." and she was totally right when she said that cause If you are over your 20s and still naive, you either have a bad character or is totally immature, it's why I think part of Sophia deep down knows she is being used, but she simply don't mind she is being used, cause she is getting "love" in return and that's good for her, so if she doesn't mind, why, me as a fan, should I care? I will continue supporting her, but ignoring her girlfriend as I did back with Austin and Jesse Lee or any of the Tech guys she dated.

About their group of friends, no offense but they are mostly Sophia's friends, when this relationship is over, they are going to with Ashlyn the same soccer friends did. Like I can't see any one of them choosing her side if something bad like a cheating happens, even if it's Sophia who cheats on her. So yeah, great, she found another group of fake friends to hang out with.

[troglobite]

aldskjf

no one ever asks me anything. it's late, i'm tired, i feel kind of like shit, and generally speaking, nobody ever asks me anything.

sometimes that's chill. esp considering i don't really have a lot going on in my life. (and hi, if you're a mutual/friend on here & reading this, you're probably an exception and/or not someone who fits this 'problem' i've just uncovered/am talking abt. i'mt ired idk if that made sense, but it's probably chill)

but nobody. asks me how anything's going. or abt what i'm doing. or abt what i like and am interested in. or abt my life in general. or other ppl in it. or how i'm feeling.

...like nobody* (*see above parenthetical) asks me anything.

like this is just. my life.

EVERY problem i ever have, like as in any and every conflict, invariably comes from ppl assuming what i need, or how i feel, or what i mean, and not just ASKING ME.

i've said it before in therapy, but specifically just abt boundaries and conflict.

but this shit is just TRUE abt EVERY PART OF MY LIFE.

if someone asks me a question, it's a small talk question where they don't really care abt the answer. even if i answer sincerely, hoping they'll ask more.

like i'm fucked either way

either i answer a lot, in-depth, hoping that conveys that i want to talk about it--and they decide That's Enough so they don't ask any further

OR

i give a polite answer with implications and gaps/questions to be fulfilled on their end, and they ignore them

what is it about me that no one cares to ask or follow up? no one cares to listen? why am i SO uninteresting to basically everyone i know* (*again, previous parentheticals)

i try to remember to ask, but now it's like--OH. that's why i get so tired of socializing. i'm having to either 1. carry the entire conversation by asking questions and trying to offer up anything abt myself that NOBODY follows up on, or 2. listening as everyone talks abt anything and everything in the world except for ME and MY LIFE.

i have so little practice talking abt myself when ppl actually WANT me to, that i fucking panic. i don't know how to operate under those circumstances, bc they happen SO FUCKING RARELY.

hi anxiety tremors, thanks for showing up as i have a fucking massive breakthrough that DOESN'T HELP ME AT ALL.

i literally can't do anything about this. in a previous friend group i no longer talk to, this was the core issue. and i literally--i literally tOLD THEM. I WANT THEM TO ASK ABOUT ME AND MY LIFE. that was it! that if i brought something up, i'd like them to ask me abt it instead of shutting me down!

and they didn't. in fact, they avoiding asking me ANY questions about ANYTHING even HARDER.

i sort of casually talk to one of them still bc i never really had an issue w her and apparently her not with me, bc we still talk.

but like. fucking christ man even she, incredibly kind and happy to listen, commiserate, or celebrate w you as the case may be, just DOESN'T ASK ABOUT ME.

i fucking asked her abt dming for the first time! if she had fun w her grandparents over the holidays! abt bg3 and what she's playing!

and i jstu!!!! GET NOTHING IN RETURN

fucking FUCK man have i been CURSED??? what is WRONG with me??? am i just literal poison??? poison incarnate???

god i'm ACTUALLY having an anxiety attack right now this is a horrifying realization

like i'm speaking in sweeping statements about basically 30 years of life, OBVIOUSLY ppl have asked me things about myself at SOME points.

but a lot of the time, they ask me questions hoping for specific answers--and i either know what answer they want but i can't give it bc it's not true, or i fail their test and give the wrong answer so they no longer care.

like i have a SPECIFIC instance of that in my mind. right now. easy recall.

god no fucking wonder--all those quizzes--the shit online where ppl are like "how easily do you open up to people?"

the answer is barely at all AND IT'S NOT EVEN REALLY MY FAULT/ON PURPOSE??? IT'S NOT MY CHOICE???

i offer what i can and NOBODY* FUCKING FOLLOWS UP ON IT WHAT THE ACTUAL SHITTING FUCK

i forgot sometimes ppl also ask something and then just don't care abt the answer so they don't engage past ignoring me or offering platitiudes, whichever is easiest at the time

i just never noticed this. i've like. noticed it in small case studies or situations. thinking it was only ever specific ppl who didn't care.

but now it's everyone* in literally every* interaction i have. forever.

and it became starker bc...i fucking ghosted a friend group for this shit. and i went/stuck w a different one that was NOT a one to one replacement, that was inherently different. and still the same thing happened.

but now given time and space and being literally so isolated for so long. like for a few years i thought it was just. idk.

i thought maybe no one like asking abt your masters degree if they don't understand the field or whatever. and maybe that is true in general!

but then nobody. like. cared after i graduated. nobody cared abt me struggling w jobs and work.

and then i thought--well i keep saying i have nothing in my life, so surely that's my own fault, right? i just don't have anything to talk abt anyway.

but now i DO. we're moving. my health stuff is moving apace. sort of. i have a part-time "job" sort of. i've been trying out fun little projects.

i mean fucking CHRIST man i just--

i can't even get them to ASK ME ABOUT THE DND CAMPAIGN THAT I'M RUNNING FOR THEM

i've tried like a DOZEN times to get them to guess about future games, or where things are going, or what they think the Plot is, etc.

god it's the most fucking milquetoast responses, if i even get ANY. and sometimes it's JOKE responses.

i've had to give the fuck up.

and i kept thinking, well that's a stupid petty thing to be upset abt since i can't tell them anything in detail.

but i literally have to FORCE them all to listen to anything.

meanwhile rping with each other and talking about their characters? easy as breathing. never shut up about it.

nobody. asks me. anything.

unless it's about them, something i've done for them (but it can't be something that I'M excited abt, it just has to explicitly serve them), even when they ask for my advice, they never take it or listen. it never helps.

even when they ask me for selfish things i'm apparently not enough. like. fuck, man. what the actual fuck.

this is why i get so tired of being told to initiate relationships and hangout time. no amount of doing that, of sharing or asking or engaging or listening or offering, has changed anything for the majority of relationships in my life. even casual ones.

i literally don't know what to do with this information, bc in general ppl don't LISTEN to me very well, if at all. they remember some things, but not others. or they remember something abt me in a way that reflects a misunderstanding of me. like i just.

but i repeatedly REPEATEDLY ask for ppl to ask me things. to just ASK ME. just COMMUNICATE W ME. PLEASE.

and they don't. without fail.

the irony is that i've spent 3 decades getting used to this and being unable to fix it myself, so if ppl DID start asking me abt myself, i'd probably respond in a way that they hate or don't understand and want to bail anyway.

i fundamentally don't understand what it is abt me that makes me so uninteresting, so unlikable, so unmemorable, so unimportant. i wish i COULD know so i could FIX it. i've spent almost 30 years trying. and i just keep failing. so idk what to do.

well anyway

there goes the rest of my night.

i'm definitely gonna be So Fucking Normal w company over tomorrow and a possible dnd game (me as player) on sunday, or alternative possible jackbox session on sunday.

as if the muscles in my legs weren't spasming enough from stress. not that anybody* would know WHY that is since they don't fucking ask me anything :))))))) it's fine i'm not very interesting anyway apparently.

addendum:

i also love how my problem is fundamentally that everyone in my entire life has only ever made me feel weak pathetic and unimportant in so many insidious ways, where approval and appreciation for my presence hinges on whether or not i can give them something material in exchange for my presence--and so wanting to push back against that makes me sound narcissistic.

wehhhh nobody asks me abt my life or shows interest in me :(((((((

but like, that's fucked up, right? like that's NOT NORMAL right? like MOST PEOPLE ask each other questions or express more than disinterested-but-i'm-pretending-to-be-nice responses, right???

it's to the point where i fundamentally cannot see my value in conversations or relationships unless i'm doing something for someone.

where if i NEED something, i'm afraid that will make them leave me.

where i talk AT ALL abt my life, i'm met with silence or "polite" disinterest, so i just. don't talk abt it.

i'm just there to respond to ppl and ask the questions and offer the responses that i never get in return.

like trying to get me to believe that i'm Good At Things like. idk if that's helpful. bc then that's just me emotionally-monetizing that thing and figuring out how ppl already exploit me for that thing, or alternatively, how to get better at it so ppl Like Me More.

i get so mad when ppl act like making friends and facing rejection is so easy when it's like--I FACE REJECTION DAILY FROM PPL WHO PURPORT TO LOVE ME.

AND NOTHING I SAY OR DO SEEMS TO CHANGE THAT, NO MATTER WHO IT IS THAT WE'RE TALKING ABT HERE

"stop caring abt whether ppl like YOU and start evaluating whether YOU like THEM"

then i like basically nobody*, bc i would like ppl who show interest in me that's actually genuine. and that is. essentially nobody*.

i don't want to believe that's true. it has been true so far. and idk what to do to make it different.

i also think it would be absolutely fucking evil for it to somehow be MY FAULT. that, despite me working on how much i devalue myself and think that i'm worthless and a fucking nuisance taking up air, no matter how much i work on changing my habits in relationships--like

for it to STILL be MY fault. that ppl can pick up on "oh they kinda hate themself" or "they seem ashamed to be talking abt themself"

but then their response, 1000000% of the time, is to REINFORCE THOSE THINGS BY IGNORING AND BYPASSING THEM IN CONVERSATION???

so they can pick up that i am fucking traumatized but they can't "read between the lines" when i'm VISIBLY EXCITED about a topic and talking about it AT LENGTH and want to SHARE with them???

how am i the "socially inept" one when i've had to spend my entire life trying to figure people out so they hate me less? so i--

just fuck all of this. my hands hurt bc my disability sucks and i'm drowning in prolonged stress.

*refer to first parenthetical i'm not typing multiple disclaimers, my hands hurt and i recognize that me complaining abt my shit inevitably hurts someone else's feelings bc that's just the kind of shitbag i am, apparently. so the disclaimer is there. it's true. but i'm tired.

[casspurrjoybell-32]

*Warning Adult Content*

DOWNTOWN WOLVES - Chapter 2

A week passed and Adyen never called me.

I bumped into him in lectures and since we've met each other he seemed to be as conscious of me as I was him.

We had our core classes together but he was often lost in a sea of students.

I only ever got a proper look at him in our shared creative writing class of twenty-five students.   

He had sat close to me.

Shocking, since I had assumed he had been avoiding me.

He hadn't talked to me but I had noticed how his eyes would flicker to me from time to time.

It had been hard to keep my cool since my wolf kept stirring at his every move.

I was sure my face had been red then.

He must have wondered what the fuck was wrong with me.     

A sigh left my lips as I slouched in the restaurant seat.

It was about eight in the evening on a Wednesday and I was at a pizza joint downtown. 

It was a bit far from where I lived and the pizza wasn't amazing but that was alright.

I wasn't here for it.

I was here for the wolves that ran the place.     

'He must think I'm fucking weird.' My thoughts started to eat at me.

I chewed on the nail on my thumb as I stressed about all my silly actions when I was close to Adyen.

I remember being a mess in our creative writing class.

The teacher had been going on about speculative fiction but I couldn't remember anything she said because her voice had been drowned out by the sound my own blood pumping in my ears. 

Adyen just had that effect on me and it drove me nuts.     

"What are you thinking about so hard?"

I blinked, feeling someone squeeze my shoulder.

Looking up I spotted Alpha Georgiou with my order in a red tray.

The tall blond had his eyebrow raised and his lips twisted in a curious smile.     

"Things," I mumbled, answering Georgiou before looking away from him.

I heard the tray with my order being dropped.

I looked up, taking my receipt from the table and stuffing it into my jacket as Georgiou yelled something to someone at the back.

I had ordered a small pizza with a canned soda.

Georgiou was the Alpha of one of the many Rogue packs in the area.

His folk stuck around the downtown parts and they ran a pizzeria to make some money and have a pack house of some sort.

Many of the city wolves lived in their own apartments but the need for community that ran through their blood made this faux pack arrange very common in urban areas.     

When I first got to Toronto, I learned how werewolves managed to live in plain sight.

Most packs ran bars and eateries and I was no longer shocked to go out with human friends only to find out their favorite place was a werewolf den.

Lots of werewolves also took manual labor jobs like construction and factory work because werewolves just had the strength and endurance for it.

I knew Georgiou worked in construction part-time.     

"Well, tell me about these things," I heard Georgiou say as the sound of a chair being pulled made me look up again.

I had been playing with the gravy sachet.

Georgiou was now sitting across from me on the small round table.

He had one of those warm smiles he put on when he wanted to have a heart to heart with someone.

He was wearing a sleeveless top that showed his tattoo sleeves.

He also had piercings by his eyebrows as the corner of his mouth.

He was a far cry from what he looked like... he was wholesome, nurturing and kind.

Georgiou was a BC northern grey wolf that had moved to Toronto with his girlfriend five years back.     

"I met my mate," I said in a low whisper, just loud enough for Georgiou to hear.

I watched as his blue eyes went wide before narrowing at me.     

"Who?" he asked, reaching out to grab my arm.

One thing about living in the city as a wolf was that it was hard to keep track of all the people coming and leaving.

I could tell Georgiou thought this was a new wolf.     

"A classmate of mine. Don't worry, it's not some lone stray wolf," I muttered.

Although most wolves in the city were 'Rogues' not grouping up with other wolves in some way was strange.     

"Are you worried?" I asked when Georgiou didn't say anything in reply.

He nodded, before letting go of my hand.

Although I'd reassured Georgiou that some random new wolf wasn't hanging around, he now looked confused.     

"Then shouldn't I know them? I know all the wolves at your university," he said as he grabbed a slice of the pizza I had paid him for.

Georgiou was a stress eater.      

"It's complicated," I said, opening the can of soda on the tray.

"He's recessive. Practically human," I muttered making Georgiou hum.     

"Recessive wolves still look for packs though," he said.

He would know. His girlfriend was a recessive wolf.

They weren't uncommon in places like Toronto and BC where humans mixed with wolves a lot.

Wolf-human kids just happened and wolf parents usually told them their origins.   

"I don't think he knows. He looked at me like I was crazy when I called out to him," I said, remembering how I had to chase Adyen through the main quad to have a word with him.

"I don't think his wolf parent ever told him," I added, looking up to find Georgiou's light blue eyes fixated on my face.     

Alpha Georgiou seemed to think about what I had told him before speaking up.

"What are you going to do?" 

His question floated about in my head a bit before I shrugged.

"I don't know," I sighed, running my fingers through my hair.

"I gave him my number a week ago and told him to message if he was curious but he hasn't texted me or anything," I said, rubbing the sides of the soda can with my fingers.     

Georgiou didn't say anything in response and I stayed quiet too, listening to the pop music blaring from the speakers as wolves from every breed walked through the restaurant door in their human form.

A few minutes of silence passed before Georgiou reached out to ruffle my hair.  

A smile broke across my lips as I made to playfully shove his hand away.

I had cut my hair when I left Alberta.

My long hair as well as how I groomed it has brought me a lot of attention when I started at the University of Toronto.

Lots of humans immediately spotted that I was indigenous and many werewolves could guess that I was a rural wolf.

I wanted to mix in with the city folk and not stand out, so I got an undercut as per Georgiou's recommendation.     

"You could always ask him on a date like a regular person," Georgiou said as I combed my hair with my fingers.

"It wouldn't hurt, you can even bring him here," he added as I stared down at the wooden table.

It was stained with everything from sauce to soda.

Everything in the store was old and I would guess even older than Georgiou who was twenty-five.

Georgiou told me he has inherited the place from an old North Carolina wolf that has decided to leave Canada and go back home to the USA.     

Borders weren't a big deal for werewolves.

They just crossed them in wolf form and changed to their human state when they reached their destination.

Yes, lots of wolves were undocumented and identification forgery was another thing city wolves got into for extra money.

Getting caught wasn't an issue.

Authorities couldn't arrest animals but being put in a dog pound or put down in wolf state was a thing werewolves in big cities worried about.    

 "But how do I even get close to him?" I asked after a while, watching Georgiou's expression change as a little frown took form on his face. 

"Beats me," he shrugged, getting up from the chair.

"Leigh is recessive but she grew up with her mum and learned about it, so we didn't have those issues."     

Yes, Georgiou's wife was a recessive wolf.

She didn't have a wolf form but she ran their pack with an iron fist.

If anyone wanted to get Georgiou's protection they had to go through her.

Alpha Georgiou and Luna Leigh had made a promise... no crime or shady business in their pack and as a result, a lot of their folk were rural wolves that migrated, older wolves and college kids wanting to stay out of trouble like myself.     

I shook my head, sighing.

It was alright.

I hadn't expected Georgiou to know how to interact with Adyen.

Wolves relied on the mating bond and often got together just because of it.

There wasn't really a lot of convincing and trail period to it.

No 'dating'... unless of course who you were seeing wasn't your mate or the person was a human.     

I tried not to think about it and went about picking at the Pizza I had ordered.

It was cold now but I didn't have a lot of money to be picky when things like this happened.

It took a lot for my mother to agree to let me go to school down in Toronto in the first place.

I wasn't going to blow my allowance and make her worry.     

When I was done, I greeted the wolves at the pool table before heading out into the cold street.

The place was lit up by store signs, doing the work of the broken streetlights that I've never seen working in my life.

It was cold and the streets were blaring with music.

Occasionally, there was the sound of passing motorcycles being driven around.

Yup, werewolf motorcycle gangs were a thing.     

I stood at the pizzeria's doorstep for a while before pulling up the hood of my jacket.

I made to walk out into the street but I paused when I felt my cell-phone vibrate in my pocket.     

'Who is it?' I wondered, fishing it out before looking at the flashing screen.

It was a number I didn't recognize but I answered the call anyway. 

"Hello?" a voice said from the other end.   

My throat clogged up with the words I had to stop myself from barking.

'Mate.'

I shut my eyes, trying to control myself so I didn't act out. 

"Hello, it's Adyen," he said when I didn't respond.     

'No way.' I thought, pacing around the Pizzeria entrance.

'He called me.'

[reigngoawayy]

(9 . 11 . 23) - DAY TWO (long post incoming)

RATING: 5/10

MOOD: relieved

today was a mixed bag. i woke up late bc my alarm randomly got set to 6:45 instead of 6:30 leaving me with 45 mins. which isn't that bad at all bc i usually get ready in 30. it certainly was a minor inconvenience tho.

i walked to my bus stop in a rush bc i honestly don't remember what i was delayed. i didn't miss the bus tho. i talked to that one kid on my bus stop. he's chill but he makes a competition out of everything.

he school bus was extremely annoying, they were doing a "sus battle" at the end of the day. im not joking its actually what they called it. this isn't the first time this has happened. honestly it happens every day.

my friend has these weird phases where he ignores everyone. he got out of one today.

i got to school and realized i didn't have my laptop so i wandered around the school looking for it. i called my mom and she found it at home. we had a pre test and i missed 100% of that hour so that was nice

lunch came and the core part of the friend group (me and 3 others) was gone. i HATE the rest of the people there. they talk about lesbians a lot, idk why.

we broke cds in science to learn about collision. i shattered mine so hard that i couldn't identify a single peice

music tech came, we got a new project. me and my friend were allowed to work on a project together. we decided on gospel metal bc were over achievers.

i was so exhausted my 7th hour that i just napped for most of it. i had most of the work done so the teacher let me

got home and had a monster. went to my room bc i was exhausted. i painted and played ow comp for rest of the day

dinner came and we have this really good soup. i almost never eat anything that im not particularly in the mood for. im very picky.

i got a random realization that life is hard and i cried. my mom helped me out n stuff so i feel better

then i made a milkshake and here i am now (btw it was really good)

[the-paris-of-people]

I want to burst out crying I hate everything so much rn

[puppy-phum]

BAD BUDDY THE SERIES ↳ Main Six + Myers-Briggs Personality Types [Rose Colors] [Planets] [Zodiacs]

insp.

some of my thoughts under the cut!

first i gotta state that i am not that well versed with the mbti types. i have not explored them in depth or studied the whole ideology/theory behind it. i am, however, obsessed with various personality tests and such (which is the reason this "series" exists) and that's why i threw this idea at my six favorite characters. here some more thoughts on my choices:

pran: i am starting from him bc all of this is based on him. i thought about these types solely bc of my own personal connection to pran's character and as i'm a little selfish when it comes to him, i categorized him the same type as me. i thought INFJ fit him tho, especially bc of the privacy part. pran is slow to open up - if he ever opens up at all. he also has the nurturing side as we see when he takes on the role of a leader and guides his friends despite obviously not being the type to seek such a role by himself.

pat: i actually took the test twice while thinking how pat, or my own version of him, would answer the questions. this is what i got to him and i think it fit. he's easy to charm everyone around him, socializes with anyone, is enthusiastic about anything that steals his attention, and most of all, cares fiercely about those he thinks of as his ppl. the site also stated that ESFPs often focus on physical sensations which made me think about pat's obsession with smell.

ink: after our two main guys, ink was the easiest to figure out. she's very supportive and likes teaching other ppl (her enthusiasm towards teaching pha photography just bc she enjoys showing pha things tells a lot). she also has a tendency to nudge others towards the right direction when she notices there's a problem, and that often helps those ppl to grow. she says things like they are and hopes the best for everyone. i also found it quite fitting that like this, ink is the extroverted version of pran.

pha: very like her brother, pha takes everything with stride. she's accepting, sensitive to others and their moods, and adapts very quickly. i thought about her and pat a lot while assigning her as ISFP bc i felt like she was quieter than her brother, preferring to live more in her own world than within the outside world. not that she's reserved or antisocial but a bit more modest than pat. she also seems to have a growing curiosity towards crafts and arts which am sure she will master in no time.

korn: after finding the type for pat, i thought korn was very obvious. even the name feels fitting - "the dynamo". even if pat is their group's leader, korn is the one who often pushes things in the motion, in good and bad. he is the driving force of things, accepting many of pat's ideas and then inspiring their other friends to follow. like a true ESTP, he is also very playful and likes keeping things far from serious. am not sure about his practical thinking tho - i dunno if i would trust korn with an emergency :'D

wai: was actually the hardest one to assign. i kept struggling with trying to figure out what his core motivators were and how he would fit within the main scales these personality types use to determine the person. i thought he was introverted like pran - his bad temper makes him a hard person to approach. but he actually goes to other ppl quite often when he finds company he likes. this left me with two options: ENTJ and ESFJ. ENTJ was labeled "the commander" which sounded fitting, but wai absolutely lacks the qualities of a leader. he prefers to follow; no matter if it's his best friend or the authority figures in his life. he's too impulsive or meek to be a leader. so i abandoned that and chose this one instead bc of the tendency to think black and white. i feel like wai does have strong opinions on how things should be done or how others should behave. this is why he also clashes with others so often. he is dedicated to the ppl he loves tho - which also kind of explains why he becomes such an ass once his loyalty to pran doesn't seem to get answered in similar intensity.

[pynkhues]

Hi!!! For the OTP ask game can you do 10, 14, 23 & 27 for Eddie & Chrissy? Sorry if this is too many but truly I restrained myself bc I wanted to ask for all of them 😌

Thank you for sharing your thoughts 🤍

Hi!! And oh my gosh, anon, you were very restrained, haha, there are so many I could answer for them too, the brainrot right now has been so real.

10. Who gets jealous the most?

I think it probably depends on the circumstances overall, but on the whole, I think Eddie. I mean, he was canonically jealous of Dustin having a second too-old-for-him-friend in Steve, haha, and I do think what we see of him shows him to have a lot of heightened emotions generally.

I'm a total sucker for an opposites attract ship, and Chrissy and Eddie are that in spades, especially when you consider the very different worlds they come from, both in the sense of class, family, home life, social circles, and interests, and I love the idea of that both being a part of the appeal of one another, but also that it leaves space for real uncertainty. It'll take time to work out how they fit in each other's lives, and to learn each other's language and there'll always be these parts of one another that will never belong to them, and I think that can leave room for jealousy to seep in, particularly when there are other people around that get it.

I'm actually writing it into my fic, but even in the core group, Steve and Chrissy technically would be more in step in terms of their backgrounds, and in Chrissy's eyes, not knowing Robin's a lesbian, she and Eddie make more sense too (they're both musicians! They're both outcasts!) and getting to play around with that is magggic, haha.

14. What are their love languages? [if you’re unsure, find out here]

Ooooo, I feel like for Eddie, it's definitely quality time? I think it's canon that he spends a lot of time on his own between living with an uncle who loves him but works hours that don't let them see each other much, and even the way he drove Chrissy back to his trailer for the deal, and wanted to help her was an act of service, sure, but more than that, it was a commitment to time together that seemed to resonate with him in this meaningful way given the way she fueled his arc on the show.

I feel like quality time is important to Chrissy too, and is the way she feels loved, but I think she probably expresses love herself through acts of service? We only see these glimpses of her relationship with Jason in canon, but they seem to be underpinned by her supporting him and trying not to be a burden to him, and I think that's a pretty telling illustration of how she's been taught to love, which makes sense given what we know of her mother.

I love the thought that maybe quality time becomes her love language too the longer she's with Eddie, because the two of them can just be together.

23.. How do they like their sex (fast, slow, rough, gentle) ? What positions do they prefer?

They make me so sappy, hahaha, so I tend to think slow and gentle and a little giggly most of the time, and that they're generally going for pretty affectionate or intimate positions like spooning, missionary or lotus / lap sitting. They seek tenderness and intimacy and joy in each other, and that's so important to me!!!

I do feel like they mix it up though, especially when the adrenaline's pumping like after her cheer meets or his concerts, and then all bets are off, haha.

27. One headcanon you have about this OTP

I think they stay in Hawkins for longer than either of them want to, and it's that time together after graduation that builds something real between them.

I headcanon that Chrissy is close with her little brother, and as a result she doesn't want to leave him behind in that house, too afraid their mother will redirect her attentions, and that Eddie's waiting for his bandmates to graduate highschool before they really start to try and tour, so they both end up knocking around this little town neither of them especially want to be in.

It's that though that builds something special, something real between them, because they have this time away from all their peers who've gone off to college and they get to re-build this little slice of Hawkins the way they want it, not queen and outcast, but just as two people, just as them, and when they do leave, they'll leave together and somehow feel like they've never left at all, because home is where your heart is, and by then, home is with each other.

Ask me shippy questions!

[extravalgant]

concept: the wizards' cards have textures based on their effects and how often the card is used, like literal playing cards that get worn over time. i know i shared this in the discord but i wanna see how u interpet it with art bc i cant art

AW THANK U FOR COMING TO ME LEAH im flattered u want to see my artistic interpretations omg

I REALLY LIKED THAT IDEA YOU PUT IN THE DISCORD... i never thought that the cards would get worn down over time through heavy use . ITS SUCH A GOOD IDEAAA most of your ideas are so good<33

that being sad i thought about it more in school while i was waiting for a friend to finish up in class and heres what i got

— i feel as if novice decks + cards have a sort of "block" on them - that means there is a spell that prevents newer wizards from putting too much magic into their spells and tiring themselves out quicker. the magic is more stilted, which is why some may fizzle more over others. but they are made specifically for new trainees in mind, so more experienced wizards dont use them.

(i hope the explanation makes sense....)

ANYWAYS . ill do it by groupings so elemental school is up

— i feel as if pyromancers are more prone to burning their cards and decks to a crisp - hence the charred edges around their cards. falmea has to teach novice pyromancers about fire safety and how to safely put out a fire caused by magic (rather than fire caused naturally, imo i think they're two different things)

— as they steadily grow more confident in keeping their flame up and consistent, these types of accidents will stop, and they would stop burning their cards too. however, i think that the charred edges remain simply because it's fire and you're going to expect it to get burned either way. but now there's a more smokey quality to the way that it smells and looks.

also. i think the words and appearance would also get smudged and disappear over time, so they would probably have to rely on their memory or the way that the card feels (or even cast it) to see which one it is.

— ALSO i think all spell cards all look the same, but the corners are marked with the schools colors<3 i think it looks cool

— for thaumaturges i feel as if they would always freeze their cards so that they would be unusable in battle - the magic cant really flow into a spell card when the card itself is just basically a chunk of ice omg

for this, i feel like greyrose would cross some classes with falmea - she teaches the pyromancers how to relax the grip on their flame, and falmea would teach the thaumaturges how to allow themselves to relax, flow out of their rigid state.

— as they learn to control the rate at which their ice magic manifests, their spell cards are instead dusted with a light shade of frost, that which can be easily cleaned off. the words can become a little bit more harder to read and a bit foggier, though, so sometimes they have a chance to cast the wrong spell.

— diviners are 100% wrecking their cards like crazy. some students would have to constantly get new sets of decks or spell cards because storm is such a strong school off the bat - lightning tears through the protective block sometimes, often times making them practically unusable.

some people drop out or switch schools because of this issue - it's too much work to have to constantly replace torn cards or learn how to rework your magic into a better way.

— i think with enough time, diviners can learn how to redirect magic into a more consistent way (because storm magic in general is very inconsistent) -- they are still more likely to tear their cards in a fight, but it starts more at the edges, rather than novices almost tearing huge chunks and bottom/top halves off.

— for conjurers i feel like theyre the types to start bending their cards - perhaps out of nervousness or habit. when you have an uptight teacher like cyrus, i think that kind of manifests itself into other behaviors.

— for some reason, i feel like their cards are more likely to shimmer and shine more. since their school mainly deals with the mind and creativity, the cards and decks reflect that. that being said, it may shimmer too much. to the point where novices can't even make out the creature of the card, and end up summoning the wrong one.

self-explanatory, but sometimes their mind may be clouded by other things, and i like to think that the mind and magic is connected, hence why it will affect the spell cards.

— for necromancers, i feel like when their magic takes the necessary sacrifice, it also ends up taking chunks out of the card too. you can have the right rituals down to perform a spell, but it doesn't mean the sacrificial aspect isn't the part that messes up most novices.

i think after diviners, necromancers come in at a close second at wrecking their cards. sometimes the whole card disappears and you're like "what the heck".

— sacrifice is a core part of the death school, so malorn and dworgyn teach the novices how to make the sacrifices smaller, more localized to the edges of the cards. it's why older, experienced wizards may have cards that look like they've been eaten around the edges.

— for theurgists, i feel like they're the school that doesn't wreck their cards most of the time. there's has to do more with growth than anything else, hence why i think their cards are the ones that are the least replaced.

rather, i think things begin to grow on and around the cards. tiny vines that tear through the spell cards, wrapping around the edges. they can be ignored most of the time, but if a life wizard has their emotions and magic tied particularly close, these vines can and will get out of hand.

— experienced and older theurgists will have these sorts of vines around the corners and edges of their cards, however it may differ on plant type. because magic is different for every person, the flowers that grow there might differ from each person. the spells are worn, but because of life's rejuvinating energy, they look considerably newer compared to other schools.

— AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST... SORCERERS . this one stumped me a lil bit im ngl. i think novices have problems with concentrating on flipping between each of the schools as their attacks and supports demand it.

cards that feel wet and soggy, dried in some places as they use an a elemental school card; cards that look transparent in some places, bits and pieces gone from spiritual schools; spotty and fuzzy writing that comes from using sorcery in their own school.

— ITS... A LOT TO HANDLE. which is also why some people may end up transferring out of balance. i feel like sorcerers may have a class with each of the teachers of the seven schools, to level each of the magics that come with handling all seven of them.

— older sorcerers may get special decks and spell cards to help prevent the spell cards from straight up getting destroyed or unusable. i like to think it has a time factor -- turning back time on the cards appearance so that it lasts longer, just to give a throwback to the sands of time storyline instance in mirage.