#this post is... so long.... im sorry to everyone in the tag

[copiiialover]

‎♡‧˚Do you love me now?‎˚‧♡

Title: Do you love me now?

Chapter 1

Pairing: Park Gyeong Seok / Cho Hyun Ju Synopsis: Hyun-ju tries to return to her life outside the game as she mourns Gyeong-seok's death and tries to keep her promise, but nothing goes as she expected and things take an unexpected turn when familiar faces come back into her life and fill her mind with doubts. Tags/Possible Warnings: Canon Divergence / Related, Post-Episode: s02e07, Drama & Romance, Hurt/Comfort, Trans Character, Misgendering, BAMF Cho Hyun Ju, Light Violence, Angst and Feels, More Tags Soon.

Chapter 1: When two hearts are torn away

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"Players, it's time for bed. Return immed-"

The voice is muted as Hyun-ju fires at the speaker, but the sound of bullets echoes behind her back as she makes her way into the dorm.

“Dae-ho!” she calls through the speaker of her radio, getting nothing but silence from player 388. “Where are you! We need the ammo!” she exclaims, looking left and right for any soldiers that might attack, but all she can see is blood and bodies scattered in the hallways.

The radio remains silent and impotence fills her; she doesn't understand what's taking Dae-ho so long. She checks the clip of her gun and curses her luck and the ex-marine when she finds she only has a couple of bullets. She thinks about smacking him with all her might if they make it out of that place, but in a moment of clarity she scolds herself for not even thinking about the fact that Dae-ho might have been attacked by one of the soldiers or even one of the other players.

“Fuck…” she mutters with a lump in her throat, thinking about what will greet her when she gets to the dormitory. If the other players have teamed up against them, then everything is lost.

“Dae-ho!” She calls the player again, feeling a relief settling in her body as she walks into the large room and finds that both groups are still separated in their respective spots. “Dae-ho!” she shouts, searching for the ex-marine, but the only ones receiving her are Geum-ja and Yong-sik.

“Hyun-ju... Where are the others?” the woman mutters with a voice full of fear, yet Hyun-ju doesn't have time to calm her down.

“Where's Dae-ho?!” she inquires. Mother and son reply by staring at the bunks at the back of the room. Hyun-ju runs to him, stopping when she sees the man suffering in what she immediately recognizes as a panic attack induced by a notorious post-traumatic stress.

Hyun-ju sees the ammo wrapped in the sweatshirt on the bed, but she can't go back alone.

“Dae-ho…” She calls him in a low voice, leaning closer to touch his shoulder, but the ex-marine shrinks into himself and starts sobbing.

“I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry!” Dae-ho cries without daring to look at Hyun-ju. “Dad, I'm sorry! I'm sorry! Please, don't hurt me!” he pleads, moving away from her and covering himself with his hands.

Hyun-ju feels a knot in her stomach, but she doesn't allow herself to spiral at a moment like that. She rushes to grab the ammo and stands up, ready to return along with the others. Yet it's all in vain when the metallic doors at the entrance swing open and the sound of two shots echoes through the room.

“Everyone on the floor!” the pink soldier shouts. Hyun-ju hides between the bunks and stares at the soldiers scattering, counting as many as she can. She changes the clip on her gun and makes a move to get closer to a spot with a clearer view, but the grip on her arm stops her.

“Hyun-ju, no…” Geum-ja whispers, pleading with her eyes for her to stop. Hyun-ju glances at her, then back at the soldiers. She can't kill them all, but she can kill enough of them to clear the area again and get back with the others. “Don't sacrifice yourself in vain,” the woman persists.

"The following players have been eliminated:

Player 072 - 015 - 047 - 001 - 390 - 246..."

Hyun-ju is shocked as she hears the voice saying his number. It can’t be possible, not him. Her hands tremble and the pain and impotence blinds her. She pulls away from Geum-ja's grip and aims her gun at the group of soldiers.

“Hyun-ju, please... Stop. Stop. No more, please...” Geum-ja begs between tears, stopping her again.

She wants to pull the trigger and kill them all, but even someone with a good aim like hers is at risk of missing and condemning the others to a certain death. She thinks of Gyeong-seok, her daughter and her promise. She shuts her eyes and tears slide down her cheeks. All of them died in vain. He died in vain...

The soldiers get to them and aim their guns at Hyun-ju and Dae-ho, but Geum-ja stands between them.

“Don't shoot, please, just take the guns and take them away!” she cries as her son tries to pull her away. After a moment that feels like an eternity, the soldiers step back and take the guns.

Hyun-ju breaks into tears and Geum-ja holds her to her chest, whispering words hushed by her sobs. She stares at Dae-ho over the woman's shoulder and she hates him with all her heart. If he had returned they wouldn't be dead. Gyeong-seok wouldn't be dead. Jung-bae wouldn't be dead. She tightens her hold on Geum-ja and shuts her eyes, shuddering through sobs and forcing herself to forget her anger because even if the truth hurts, he's not to blame.

A new group of soldiers walks into the room with the unmistakable black coffins. The leader of the soldiers clears his throat to get everyone's attention.

“We apologize for the inconvenience” the soldier speaks as the players mumble to each other from the bunks. Even some of those who were interested in playing the game are terrified. “Those who wish to end the game will have to follow the rules and wait for tomorrow's vote. Any act of rebellion against the established rules will be punished by elimination” he warns.

The players on both sections are silent. Do they finally understand that the only way to get out of that place alive is to divide the accumulated money and vote for their release? Even when pain, anger and sadness are still gnawing inside her, Hyun-ju still has the hope to believe in that possibility. However, as if fate were a cruel prankster, everyone's attention is pulled back to the piggy bank descending upon them.

“Before the end of the day, let me inform you about the amount accumulated so far” the soldier announces, starting the descent of the bundles of bills piling up in the piggy bank with his words.

Hyun-ju feels sick to her stomach. While everyone is watching the money, she sees the soldiers putting the bodies of the murdered players into the coffins. Is that what they have been reduced to? To ignore a massacre to be rewarded? In that instant she finally understands Gi-hun's words by refusing to enjoy the prize.

After the announcement of the amount accumulated, the soldiers leave the room and the silence returns, starting the countdown on the clock in the room. Tension settles in the air as everyone fears if another attack among them will take place when the lights go out.

“We still have a chance, isn't it?” Geum-ja asks, with Hyun-ju laying on her lap with a blank stare as the old lady strokes her hair in some sort of consolation.

The small group gathered in the bunks is silent. Now that Gi-hun is gone, everyone feels like a flock of missing sheep.

“You really think so?” Yong-sik asks in disbelief, earning a disapproving glare from his mother. “I-I mean... We have lost so many of us. We're at a big disadvantage…”

Hyun-ju stays silent. A single thought floods her mind: if they are attacked again, dying that night or in the next game will be like an act of mercy for her. Any desire to survive has faded away again. She looks at Dae-ho away from the group, still cowering in himself, and she wonders if he’s thinking the same. Being blinded by her anger kept her from thinking about it before, but now, when the only feeling still beating in her is sadness, she thinks of the own hell Dae-ho has been through before coming to that place and that moment. She has lost Gyeong-seok and Young-mi, but now he carries the blame for Jung-bae's death even if it's not his fault.

A sudden bustle on the other side of the room draws Hyun-ju out of her thoughts and catches everyone's attention.

“Then go away with them, you cowards!” the 100th player shouts.

The small group of five players approaching them looks at them with shame, hoping to be welcomed after being part of the ones who stopped them from leaving that place. No one says a word or shows any rejection, at least until the 100th player's voice is heard again.

“I'll make sure to spend all the money we get for your deaths in booze and whores! That's what brave men like us deserve!” he boasts, encouraging his group to cheer his words.

The others just ignore him, but Hyun-ju can't. Not when she remembers Gyeong-seok asking her to visit his daughter at the hospital since he knew he wouldn't survive. A knot tightens her stomach, filled with impotence at the idea of how unfair it feels that Gyeong-seok is dead but that man has a chance to live and waste money as the selfish pig he is. How will she be able to live with the knowledge that somebody like him might live while Gyeong-seok's daughter dies asking where her father is?

“Hyun-ju?” Geum-ja calls her, puzzled when she gets up from her lap and makes her way between the bunks; her eyes fixed on the other group. “Hyun-ju, where are you going?!” she asks, trying to stop her, but Yong-sik stops her this time, forcing her to watch as Hyun-ju walks away across the room, unable to do anything.

“Oh, look who's coming...” the 100th player says with a smirk full of arrogance at the sight of her. “What's the matter, doll? Are you joining us? Another man in our team will do,” he sneers, not even bothering to disguise his disgust in every word.

Hyun-ju stops before him with no response and one firm punch to the man's face is enough to knock him to the ground. Hyun-ju lunges at him and punches him again; this time across the nose. Blood stains her knuckles and the man coughs out a cry of pain.

“What the hell are you doing, you bastards! Get him off of me!” the man demands with a snarl, waving his hands as he tries to defend himself. Hyun-ju waits for the others to attack her. She even feels the menace of someone coming at her, but all it comes in response is Nam-gyu's body collapsing limp at her side.

The others step back in shock and a quick glance behind her reveals the identity of the perpetrator. Standing there, with hands clenched in tense fists trembling in restrained fear, Hyun-ju looks at Dae-ho. The ex-marine is tense from head to toe; his chest heaving in and out in ragged breaths. He glances down at Hyun-ju and bows his head in a nod she takes as an apology about what happened during the riot.

“You bastards, we're more than them! Help me!” the man shrieks beneath her, drawing back her attention. A smirk curves Hyun-ju's lips and she grabs him by the shirt, leaning over him.

“You really think they give a shit about helping a pig like you?” she whispers, looking him straight in the eye. “Why would they step in if killing you is going to fill their pockets even more?”

Hyun-ju doesn't have to look at the others to know they're staring at each other, considering her words. The silence from everyone around confirms them she is right.

“There's a little girl out there that lost her father in this fucked up thing for some money he'll never get!” she yells; her voice trembling trying to hold back her tears. “And I'd rather die for killing you than allow a bastard like you to get a single cent!” she shouts, landing another punch to the man's face, followed by another and a third one that makes his head hit the ground with a thud.

"Players, return to your beds to finish the day. Lights will go out in one minute. Repeat: Lights will go out in one minute. Follow the instructions and return to your beds."

Despite the speaker's indication, Hyun-ju doesn't back away and hits the man again, who's mouth lets out a whimper as he tries to avoid drowning in his own blood. Cutting off her anger, Hyun-ju feels two arms wrap around her and yank her away from the player.

“Hyun-ju, stop! Stop it now!” Yong-sik says, trying hard to drag her away from the others. No intention of attacking them is evident, but they can't take the risk of being helpless when the lights are about to go out. 

“Let me go, I'm going to kill him!” she shouts, struggling to get free, but tiredness taking its toll on her and Dae-ho joining Yong-sik in dragging her away becomes too much to bear. “Watch your fucking back 'cause I'll be after you if you're not dead, you son of a bitch!” she threatens, but there's no answer from player number 100.

The surrounding players look at the man with disdain and walk away in silence, leaving Nam-gyu lying on the ground next to him. Hyun-ju gives in and lets herself be taken to the bunks, with Geum-ja rushing to check her hand to try to cure it.

“It's not mine…” Hyun-ju mumbles in a muffled voice, referring to the blood on her knuckles when she notices concern in the old lady's face. “I'm fine…”

“The lights will go out in: Ten, nine, eight-”

The woman nods in silence as she takes her place in the bunk on her side. Hyun-ju sits on her bed, moving backwards till she gets to the wall. It doesn't matter how many times she's beaten the man or if she's succeeded in killing him; nothing will make Gyeong-seok come back.

The clock reaches zero as she shrinks into herself, hugging her legs to her chest and letting herself be engulfed by the dark.

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English is not my native language, so please excuse any mistakes.

Please consider leaving a comment here or on the original fanfic posted on AO3: Do you love me now?

[klbzplb]

Life Series X The Normal Album

[shepscapades]

GUYS. IM FINALLY MAKING THE DBHC MASTERPOST HAPPEN IM FINALLY DOING IT I’M MAKING IT HAPPEN RAAA

I’m making a new one so I can format it better so I’ve had to start from scratch but it’s finally in the works and almost done

[katabay]

THE SHERIFF AND GUY OF GISBORNE

uh. try to stay with me for a second. so incest motifs are a huge part of medieval lit. you see it in arthuriana cycles, you see it in romances, it's a whole thing.

Incest and the Medieval Imagination, Elizabeth Archibald

so robin hood. both adaptions and the text itself, tend to get interesting with guy of gisborne. and I will say that while I found the media being discussed in this text absolutely fucking insufferable to watch, the discussion on it was delicious, impeccable, show stopping

Mouvance, Greenwood, and Gender in The Adventures of Robin Hood and Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves, Brian J Levy and Lesley Coote

and with regards to discussions on the origin text (which I love and adore forever)

Horseplay: Robin Hood, Guy of Gisborne, and the Neg(oti)ation of the Bestial, Stuart Kane

we're. getting to the point, I promise. guy of gisborne and the sheriff in my own "adaption" are not cousins, but brothers in law (fucked up brothers in law are my thing over on my other blog. brutus and cassius? I'm there. caligula and lepidus? all over that, baby!) because I'm aiming for an adjacent transgression.

on the topic of adjacent transgressions and guy's comment in this comic about cannibalism: there's an overlap in various genres of literature, predominantly in branches of horror and tragedy: between cannibalism and incest. (additionally! a lot of texts will take on christian subtexts and allusions, so there's a bonus homoerotic cannibalism discussion happening wrt communion that I'll get into in the future) it's about. chomping. the teeth, you know.

Managing Monsters, Marina Warner

Statius and Virgil: The Thebaid and the Reinterpretation of the Aeneid, Randall T. Ganiban

there's a 100% chance I will revise the sheriff's design at some point, but I wanted to draw the flowers exploding out of the spine so bad

AND FINALLY, the neck focus on guy is half due to his fate in his origin tale (beheaded) and half my own invention: I girl-with-a-green-ribboned him. a little narrative necromancy, if you will.

[fiendishartist2]

im not fucking around anymore. here's the full "Paul is Care" essay i've been working on:

“Alright. So there's uh, nothing out here, as far as I've seen. But actually, I think there is something out here. I just haven't seen it yet.”

In Petscop, the story is told between the lines. When you feel like you have a grasp on it, a single colour or date throws off everything you’ve built up. That’s why I like to look at Petscop in another way; not as a series of events, but an exploration of a single character: Paul.

Some people like to map everything out in a single timeline; when did Care go missing, when did the family get the game, when did Lina and Mike die. I think that every interpretation of Petscop has its own value, because Petscop means something different to everyone who watches it. But, when I look at Petscop, I don’t just see a series of events wrapped up in the mystery of Care’s disappearance. I see a video game used as a device to explore and understand the connection between the past and the present. I see the ways in which Paul Leskowitz is Carrie Mark.

I know that to some that notion might seem crazy; the broader discussion of Petscop is different to the niche ones held by crazy people in the tags of a Tumblr post . Obviously, this theory is personally significant and I hold it very near and dear to my heart. But, I want to share this theory in a way that makes sense to the general audience of Petscop because I genuinely believe you guys are missing out! So, keep an open mind and enter my Petscop mind-palace…

“...were signs along the way. Um, that I ignored. Because it would have been a completely ridiculous idea to me. Um. But when I found my room, it made, uh, well, I was shocked at first, but it made sense, especially considering where I found the game in the first place, um, that it would be tied, in some way, to me through you. Um. And I'm trying to think, when was the last time I saw any of you at all? It had to have been in like, 1999. I was a kid, I was a small kid. Tiny kid. Um. And after that, just, you know. But, it would make sense in the timeline.” (Petscop 11)

A lot of Petscop theories surround the actual textual proof found in the videos, so that’s where I’ll start. There’s many instances where Paul makes the connection between himself and Care, but one moment continues to stick with me. In Petscop 11, Paul finally enters the house and takes a look around. He’s on the phone with someone, presumably Belle. Paul goes up to the calendars and starts talking about Care, “Yeah, on that topic... I don't remember meeting this girl at all. Um, I don't remember knowing her at any point (…) Um, and I remember you saying that we were, that we, we are, um, exactly the same age.” (Petscop 11). He points out that he and Care share the same birthday, down to the year. We get further confirmation of this in Petscop 14, when Paul’s conversation with Jill that he had on his own birthday is superimposed onto Care’s. The next part though, is what really gets the theory started, “I do agree there's a resemblance. Um. Very strong resemblance between us.” (Petscop 11).

Faces are incredibly important in Petscop. Marvin thought Care and Mike could be rebirthed into Lina because they had similar features, and Care had to be given Mike’s eyebrows specifically to change her room. So, for Paul and Care to have such similar facial features that someone else pointed out the resemblance is significant.

They also happen to share the name “Leskowitz”, which is both Anna and Lina’s last name. We know this because his Reddit account is “p_leskowitz”.

If he’s a Leskowitz, then that explains his complicated feelings towards “the family”. “The family” is a foreboding presence throughout Petscop. Their meddling isn’t outright malicious, but even Paul admits that he’s intimidated by them. And it makes sense, as “the family” (comprised of Anna and Jill) each have a major role in the core mystery of Petscop. Anna is the mother of Care and the wife of Marvin, while Jill is Marvin’s sister and the mother of both Rainer and Mike. To be a Leskowitz, Paul would need to be blood related to Anna or Lina in some way. Paul shows that he has this relation to the family in Petscop 22, when he’s talking to Belle about finding the windmill, “And, I don't th- and you don't have to worry about it, right, 'cause... 'cause you aren't, you aren't family, so you wouldn't... have a room, that's the thing.” (Petscop 22). In this context, Paul is asking Belle whether Jill has contacted her. When he tells her she doesn’t have a room, this is in reference to the Child Library explored in Petscop 3 and 7. This means that in order to be part of the Leskowitz-Mark family (and in our case, related to Care), you have to have a room in the Child Library, something both Paul and Care possess.

Paul being related to the family is also supported by his casual mention of meeting Rainer as a child, “‘Rainer’... I saw him at a birthday party once. All the older kids were down in the basement playing video games, to hide from everyone. He was down there, too. He was older than the rest of them, though.” (Petscop 11), and his confusion of not knowing Care, with the implication that if she was real, he would have met her through the family.

A rarely discussed aspect of Paul’s character is that he can’t tell his left from his right. When he’s doing the disc puzzle in Anna and Marvin’s room is Petscop 11, “Um, we can see what the room looks like in that recording, um, on the uh, right? ... Left? Left? Right ... side.” (Petscop 14) and before he even enters the house, “And, I mean, I still get confused about that. Because, I mean, well, I know it's always the top, but, um, I still have to think. I have to think.” (Petscop 11), we can clearly see that he has trouble with directions. In a similar fashion, Care is described as “dizzy”, most notably in the end credits of Petscop. She is also described as blind by Rainer in Petscop 17, “You were blind. At some point, your movements stopped making sense.” (Petscop 17). In the counsellor’s office, the counsellor says to Paul, “Are you right handed, or left handed? You don't know? Really?” (Petscop 22). I’ll get more into it later, but this sequence is presumably a real conversation that the game is recreating. If this scene is taken from Care’s real childhood, then it confirms that she also had problems with her lefts and rights.

Now, this is the base level of the theory. It’s easy to figure out that Paul is a Leskowitz, he literally calls them “the family”. And while I think the bits about faces and birthdays and directions are significant to this theory, I wanted to get all of the textual evidence out of the way so that I could get into the fun part of this essay: the subtext.

”Some things you can't rewrite.” (Petscop 14)

Petscop is nothing if not a collection of symbols and metaphors. Ask me what Petscop is all about on any given day and there’s a non-zero chance I will start explaining why the car is orange. While it is necessary to analyse Petscop as a real series of events, I think that another approach can be taken; what if we analysed Petscop as a series of events that are happening to Paul specifically? That the game is creating meaning by placing Paul specifically in these snippets of the past. By looking at each moment as “Why did the game make Paul do this?” instead of “What is happening in the game?”, we can see everything through a new lens.

First, I want to discuss colour. Colour plays a huge role in Petscop; almost every character is assigned their own colour. This is most often used to denote who is speaking in text, but it’s also used for other things like the tool. You are probably aware that Care’s colour is yellow, as all of her text is yellow. What you might not know is that Paul’s colour is red. Paul has exactly one instance in all of Petscop where he has coloured text and that is in Petscop 22, when he gives the counsellor his name. The calendars in the house are also colour coded, as the one showing 2017 is red.

One of my favourite moments in all of Petscop uses colour in a way that supports this theory perfectly. When Paul takes Care out of the rebirthing machine, she has been transformed into an Easter egg. A red and yellow striped Easter egg. I will get into this egg later on, but for now, I want to point out how Paul and Care’s colours have been used here. Of course, it’s significant just that they've been put together, but it's more than that. Care’s final form, the egg she has been placed in to keep her safe from all of the trauma she has suffered, that she will spend the rest of the series in, is painted a combination of her and Paul’s colours. In the same sequence, when Paul is playing the Needles Piano for Care B, the “wrong” notes he plays to turn her into the Easter Egg are all red. There’s a joke about eggs and transness in here somewhere.

Right after Care’s rebirth into the egg, Paul places her in the locker with the purple egg and the “new life” letter. If we abide by the established colour theory, this second egg would be Belle’s/Tiara’s egg. By putting them together, alongside the letter, it symbolises Care and Belle’s transfer to Lina’s care; this can also be supported by the ending of Petscop. In the final scene of the soundtrack, Belle recounts when she and Paul were adopted, “There is Boss waiting for her son. Pall do you remember being born. Smuggled away driving to your new house. Boss in driver seat me in back.” (Petscop Soundtrack). “Do you remember being born” is a question posed over and over again throughout Petscop. It’s meant to be a reference to rebirthing, but here it’s Paul being asked if he remembers being born, not Care; you can also connect this to the “new life” letter, making it apparent Belle is asking if he remembers when he was given his “new life” with her and “Boss”. There’s also the implication of the wording “smuggled away”, implying that there was something stopping Paul from being taken to his new home. Paul and Care’s final scenes parallel each other; Care is placed with Belle’s/Tiara’s egg with the “new life” letter, while Paul is taken back to “Boss” by Belle. Care and Paul are both asked if they “remember being born”.

Another, smaller piece of colour theory in Petscop comes from the board games in the counsellor’s office. The board game “Accident” features red and yellow puzzle pieces that fit together, but are broken apart. Remember that Care’s colour is yellow, so assume that she symbolises the yellow piece; Paul’s colour is red, so assume that he symbolises the red piece. The red piece is bigger and fits into the smaller yellow piece, like it’s missing the beginning of it. The yellow piece comes before the red piece, as if it adds context to the red piece. When we think of this in terms of Care and Paul, we can see that Care is the “missing piece” of Paul; the small part of his past that adds the context that completes him. Paul’s piece is bigger because he’s been Paul for so much longer (if we interpret the counsellor’s office as a real event the way it is shown, then that could be the moment he changed. Or, if we consider Care’s rebirth into the egg as the moment Care turned into Paul, then that would be the moment instead), meanwhile Care’s piece is small because she was only a small part of his life.

Taking colour into account, we can get into the meat of the symbolism in Petscop. When we view the events of Petscop through our new lens, many things become significant. Paul is placed in the role of Care many times throughout the series; on Care’s birthday, in the counsellor's office, and in Rainer’s “you are Carrie Mark” monologue.

During the “strange situation” birthday scene, Paul carries around a yellow balloon, symbolising that he is standing in for Care. This is further cemented by Anna’s dialogue addressing Paul as if he is Care on the day she came home, “You made it. Happy birthday! (...) Why are you covering your face? (...) Of course I recognize you. Those eyes. That nose. That’s still you.” (Petscop 14).

This next dialogue from Anna is particularly interesting to me; she doesn’t just tell Paul that she’s happy Care is home safe or ask him where she’s been, but instead she says this, “I sure hope you’ve realised by now. It doesn’t matter how long you’ve been gone. It doesn’t matter how much you’ve changed. You aren’t lost. Stop wandering and come home.” (Petscop 14). When we talk about Petscop, we have the urge to deny any supernatural involvement in the story. Whether through AI or predictive programming or alternate timelines, we want Petscop to be plausible. Understandable. Easy to digest. But, we often forget that Paul poses the question of a literal “ghost in the machine” in the first few episodes. I want to consider this quote– Anna talking to her child who has been “lost” for many years– as an act of this ghost. The game is talking back to Paul, telling him that no matter how much he has changed, he still has the same eyes, the same nose that made him Carrie Mark. And we know how important eyes and noses are in Petscop. Also as a side note, consider how Anna didn’t specify eyebrows; we know that Care’s lack of eyebrows is in some way due to Marvin, but when she tells Paul she recognises his eyes and nose, she doesn’t add on eyebrows. Paul said it himself in Petscop 7, “Um, and why am I doing that? Well, because eyebrows seem to be important.” (Petscop 7). I like to think that she couldn’t have said that Paul has the same eyebrows because, since Marvin isn’t in the picture anymore, he wouldn’t have any reason to pluck them.

Another scene that mixes up Paul and Care is the counsellor's office. When Paul finally enters the “girl wall” in Petscop 22, he is placed into a school’s counsellor’s office. Again, they talk to Paul as if he is Care, apologising for taking him out of class and saying he needs to “catch up”, implying that he’s missed a significant amount of school. As they start to play Graverobber (Jesus Christ, Rainer), the counsellor is confused about Paul’s name; they ask him if they have the wrong name written down, as his save file is currently “Strange Situation” and when they called out the name on file, Paul didn’t respond. Now, the connection here is a little more nuanced, but it still comes to a conclusion that I think greatly supports the theory. “Strange situation” is in reference to the Mary Ainsworth Strange Situation Experiment, a test in which an infant is deliberately separated from their mother to test their level of attachment. This is a very base level understanding of this concept, but when applied to this specific scene, it becomes apparent that this “strange situation” is another reference to Care. Care was separated from her mother for about half a year, only returning during the birthday party scene; the counsellor’s scene was accessible once Paul started using the “Strange Situation” file. Care stopped recognising the name she used before the seperation, considering herself to be “Strange Situation” instead. She has literally stopped recognising the name Care, and picks out her own name (which in the game Paul sets to his own).

Also consider the implication of the “girl wall”. At first, it’s an absurd joke, meant to lighten the mood using the same roundabout humour the rest of the series has. But, the counsellor asking if they have the wrong name, listing Paul as “Strange Situation” instead of his name, combined with the fact that when Paul is placed in front of the girl wall, he can’t walk away from it, it becomes a bit of an analogy; The game keeps forcefully showing Paul the word “GiRL” over and over and when he finally enters the “girl-world” as Strange Situation, he is called the wrong name and once again placed in Care’s shoes.

Let’s revisit the “ghost in the machine” idea. In Petscop 17, we are shown a past recording of Petscop; we never find out who was playing at this time, but it’s easy to assume Paul is the one watching the recording. The footage is less interesting than the dialogue, but it is notable that it’s a recording of the player running backwards in a very deliberate pattern. The actually relevant part of this sequence is Rainer’s monologue; in particular, the way he frames it, “You are a girl named Carrie Mark, and you were born on November 12th, 1992. You have a mommy named Anna, a daddy named Marvin, an auntie named Jill, an uncle named Thomas, a cousin named Daniel, ......I know what you must be thinking. Have these statements always been true? Or have I cursed you? Is there such a thing? A curse that changes your past?” (Petscop 17). There’s something about the forcefulness of this dialogue, “You are Carrie Mark,” as if Rainer is trying to make it so just by saying it. The inclusion of the birthday is also notable; we have been shown time and time again that Paul and Care share a birthday, and that this is an important part of both of their characters. So, when Rainer asks if these statements have always been true, or if it’s “a curse that changes your past”, we’re meant to interpret it as such: some of the statements are true, but the “you” being addressed is not currently “a girl named Carrie Mark”. Rainer casts a spell to make the player retrace their steps and although he might not be playing, the use of the word “you” and present tense language makes the statement pointed towards Paul. There’s something to be said about Rainer’s position in all of this; he isn’t the only tangible “ghost” in Petscop (Marvin and Tiara fit Paul’s definition established in Petscop 6), but he’s the only one to be fully dead. It truly feels, in this moment, like Petscop– like Rainer– is talking directly to Paul. The “curse that changes your past” is the part that ties it all together. This past that Paul doesn’t fully remember, where Anna and Marvin have a daughter named Care, where someone in his family went missing for months– by learning about this through the game, Rainer is essentially changing Paul’s version of the past. Your memory and physical evidence are all you have of the past; when your memory tells you one thing, but physical evidence tells you another, what version of your past is true?

“You’re the Newmaker. You can turn Care NLM into Care A, and close the loop.” (Petscop 9)

Finally, I want to explain why this theory is supportive of the themes of Petscop. Of course, there’s the obvious link between rebirth and the change from Care to Paul. But, there’s also themes of blood family versus chosen family, breaking the cycle of abuse, and of healing from your past. I want to provide an explanation of each of these themes and how the “Paul is Care” theory fits into them.

Let’s begin with the family point, since I already expanded on the family’s role in Petscop earlier. There’s a story behind the scenes in this series; the conflict between the chosen family versus the blood family. Anna and Jill against Belle and Lina. Anna and Jill are restrictive– they take over the channel and block certain things from the audience. Paul admits that he’s intimidated by them, and he’s concerned when he thinks Jill could be in contact with Belle. When we get the only dialogue from Jill, Paul is hostile and aggressive with her, something we don’t see from him otherwise. Alternately, Anna comes off as dismissive in most of her dialogue; when Care shows up at the birthday party, Anna treats her like no time has passed, like they haven’t been searching for her for months. We don’t get direct contact between Anna and Paul (except for a phone call in Petscop 11 that you could interpret as being with Anna), but the way she talks to the player through Care during the birthday party is still dismissive, “I sure hope you’ve realised by now. It doesn’t matter how long you’ve been gone. It doesn’t matter how much you’ve changed. You aren’t lost. Stop wandering and come home.” (Petscop 14). There’s a level of distance between Paul and the family, which is evident from the name alone; Paul identifies himself as part of the family, but he still calls them “the family” as opposed to “my family”. When you pair that with the fact that he calls them all by their first names instead of any term of endearment (like how Rainer calls her “Auntie Jill” in his spell), it paints a clear picture: Paul does not want to be part of this family.

In direct contrast, Belle is shown a significant amount of affection from Paul. Not only is he on the phone with her for a good handful of the episodes, but Belle also has a familial connection to Paul. In Petscop 2, Paul is talking to Belle and he says “When you come home next month, and uh, hopefully you're feeling a little more enthusiastic about that now, we can investigate this together, and maybe you'll find stuff that I can't find here.” (Petscop 2). I think the casual use of the word ‘home’ to describe where Belle is staying implies a certain closeness, maybe even that they live in the same household. That’s not the part of this line that is important to me, however. Take a look at Belle’s final speech at the end of Petscop; Belle says “I could not wait too be your friend,” and Paul responds, “Family”, to which Belle says, “We can investigate this together.” (Petscop Soundtrack). After distancing himself from the family, as well as directly telling her she’s not part of the family (following it up with “Uhh... I didn't- I didn't mean it that way,” (Petscop 22), implying they have a similar connection that she’s defending), Paul calls Belle family. She states that they’re friends and Paul corrects her by telling her that they’re not just friends, but family. The most gut wrenching part of this dialogue is the use of ‘we can investigate this together’. It’s like a ward, a promise that Belle is making to Paul. He doesn’t have to go through this alone, she’s promising to be there for him. She’s going to investigate this with him, like he asked her to in the second episode. Paul doesn’t call his blood relatives family, but he tells Belle that they are his family; her and the “Boss”.

How does this connect to Care? It’s not hard evidence, but when you take this theme of family into account, it makes more sense for Paul to have a strained relationship with the family if we apply Care’s story to him. Think about it; Paul was ‘smuggled away driving too [his] new house’ and he hasn’t seen the family since he was a child, and Care’s egg was (metaphorically) placed with Belle’s and the New Life Letter when she would have been around 5, since that’s the age she was when she was kidnapped. Care went through an extremely traumatic event in a toxic environment– why wouldn’t someone step in and take her out of that family? To me, this theory extends the same closure Paul gets at the end of Petscop to Care; it tells us that even after everything she went through, she finds people who love and take care of her.

Abuse is a huge focus in Petscop, both as a plot point and a major theme. Rainer’s main motivation is to expose Marvin’s abuse of both Mike and Care to the family– whether or not that’s successful is not important. Because years after Rainer’s attempt, Paul is back doing the exact same; although, his playthrough of Petscop is less of an expose and more of an attempt at solving the mystery. Now, I think it’s a little pedantic, but in this context, I think the “cycle of abuse” in Petscop refers less to a generational cycle, but a continuous cycle that happens every time Petscop is played. Care is stuck in this version of the past that Rainer has created, forced to live through it as many years as Petscop is left on. Paul doesn’t continue this cycle though; as far as we know, Paul is the only person to reach the good ending of the game, where he’s rebirthed Care into the egg and reconnected with Belle and ‘Boss’. Paul is the only person who could understand what Care needed, because it’s exactly what he needed.

Care’s trauma is replayed for us throughout Petscop. Every knowable aspect of it is shown, leaving behind a raw feeling; like somehow, Paul and Rainer have made a spectacle of her abuse. But, I don’t think that’s entirely true. Rainer, although he is bitter and vengeful, is ultimately the person who finds the truth about Care and Mike and (if we are to believe him) is also the one who found Care at the school. In the beginning, it’s obvious that Paul is playing the game to see the mystery and is slowly engulfed by it throughout the rest of the series. When the game tells him that, “Marvin picks up tool hurts me when playstation on,” (Petscop 3), Paul proceeds anyway. The same happens when Care is caught in her room; Paul sees what is obviously a child being kidnapped and continues to solve the puzzle anyway. He picks the flower, catching Care NLM, and leads Marvin to the house. Paul follows through on everything he can to ‘solve’ the mystery of Carrie Mark, but in the end, he defies what the game has told him to do and saves Care. He does what Rainer couldn’t do: he breaks the cycle of abuse in the Mark-Leskowitz family. It’s kind of poetic, the idea that the person Care grew to be is the same person who confronts and lays to rest her trauma. The fact that playing his own theme would be the key to changing Care into the egg (a symbol of birth and potential) is beautiful.

The last thing I want to talk about is the theme of healing. This concept is more nebulous; we don’t see much of Paul post-Petscop, but the final scene does always leave me feeling hopeful for him. I think the reconnection with Belle and ‘Boss’, alongside the reassurance that, “[they] can investigate this together,” shows that Paul is out of the mindset and environment Petscop put him in. I’ve always thought that throughout Petscop, we see a deterioration of Paul; in the beginning, he’s intrigued and confused, but we see him become more and more disturbed, irritable, and frustrated towards the end. This is first evident with the CD puzzle in the house, where Paul is so out of his depth and confused that he stops acting with the same calm rationality shown throughout the earlier episodes. Then, when Paul is messing about with the demo recordings, he stops speaking in the videos entirely. When Paul sees the final blacked out object, which are coordinates to the real life windmill, he is the most stuttery we’ve ever seen, “Hm. Y- y- yep, yep. Yep... yep. N- we would- we would have to find out how big... like, we'd have to find out how big a tile is..? One of the tiles..? Like, if we could- if we could figure out how big... one tile is, in... u- in, umm... Like, feet. Or... Uhh, yeah. Meters.” (Petscop 22). He’s frazzled and excited and a little bit scared, evidenced by how he talks about the family, “They didn't... I don't like talking to them. They intimidate me…” (Petscop 22). All of this changes by the end; Paul is no longer stuck playing the game and he’s free to return to the people who love him most. This freedom is summed up in a single image: the final one we see in Petscop. Paul’s chair is empty and the blue sky beyond the desk is brimming with hope.

All this to say, Paul choosing Belle and ‘Boss’ over the game as well as saving Care by doing what’s best for her instead of finishing the final puzzle, alongside his final scene where he is welcomed home by his real family, shows us an interpretation of Petscop that paints it not as a tragedy, but a story of chosen family, breaking the cycle of abuse, and healing trauma through connection.

Thank you so much for hearing me out.

Bye-bye!

[thegreatyin]

How did you manage to handle not one, but FOUR separate accounts in fl? I recently made the account for my HD little guy but having to do the tutorial again just seems miserable

there's... weirdly several answers to that question, actually??

a HUGE part of it is due to the way FL is structured. the 10-minute action timer is a core part of the game on a fundamental level, and the fact that i can very easily run out of stuff to do on one character and thus have an excuse to quickly and easily swap to another is just... convenient? satisfying? i'm not entirely sure how to explain it. the fact that i can make progress even while i am fundamentally simultaneously Not Making Progress is like pure dopamine for my freak insane awful little brain. there's just something really pleasing about spending all of my actions pursuing The Goal Of The Day™ on one account before casually swapping to another and doing the same without feeling like i'm wasting time or acting to the first account's explicit detriment. the downtime helps! the recharge time helps! the structure really really works!!

i'm technically only actively playing three, maybe two accounts minimum. the only reason the fourth (the one that'll be my future BaL playthrough) currently exists at all is so i can get his earlygame completely out of the way now and not have to waste time running through it all later, when what i actually want to do is play the ambition i've made myself wait a full year to play. and also getting free goodies as seasonal stuff happens,, something something surprise tools to help us later. the only two accounts i'd say i'm really "actively playing" at the moment are caeru and lark- and of the two, lark takes the most priority, since his ambition is the one i'm currently pursuing in earnest. for a couple months now- despite being My Main FL Character- the scoundrel has actually been pretty inactive on a gameplay front outside of the occasional progression in TLC and discordance content. purely by virtue of having Very little left to do outside of Very long-term grinds and vanities. they're in their "now what?" "now you can start playing the game" era. they've graduated to previous protagonist background cameo in a sequel anime series. they're like the yin FLPC equivalent of red at the top of mount silver. they're Literally just vibing rn. i only keep posting about them regardless because i'm insane and i will never ever ever ever ever let that bat go. but yeah, big TLDR, outside of doing the bare minimum to keep making waves/notability up every week, i'm not actually spending that much time on accounts i'm not currently actively interested in playing. and that accounts for way more gaming spoons than you might think.

i have a virtually lifelong history of playing MMOs, especially and specifically world of warcraft. i was born in the endless grind for useless video game pixel vanities and/or bragging rights. molded by it. you all have merely adapted to doing the same piece of content a pointlessly excessive amount of times for literally no reason besides whimsy and folly. me? i've done my time. i've served my sentence. i've spent weeks doing the original burning crusade netherwing dailies. i've devoted days to running praetorium over and over and over again, back-to-back, nonstop, long before square enix cut it in half and made it NOT take at minimum an hour and a half per run. i've perfected my silverwastes + auric basin goldfarming strategies. i've (almost) crafted dragonwrath tarecgosa's rest. i've killed the sha of anger so many times its dying scream of agony is embedded into the very fabric of my being. ""only"" doing making your name content four times over? that is nothing to me. it means nothing to me. it is so infinitesimal i can do the persuasive seduction quests in my sleep. it's not a matter of handling misery, or having the capacity, or even sighing as i remember the brass embassy raid segment of the watchful questline seriously i don't know why i keep forgetting that exists or what even is my problem with it i just am so consistently mildly inconvenienced by it and its highly specific resource requirements and it is the worst thing ever. maybe i'm just so used to the scoundrel's near-infinite money and troves of disposable items that i've completely forgotten what being poor is like. despite having done that step 3 fucking times now. ahem. anyway. i have transcended the feeble mortal bindings of my resistant-to-grinding flesh and ascended to a higher plane of enlightenment, they may call me insane but they will be the ones left laughing when they see what that "insanity" has wrought, i've usurped them, i've usurped them all-

hacks and coughs and awkwardly clears my throat. i mean. uh. um. Ahem.

the empress' court artistry + tales of the university nerfs helped too.

[hiemaldesirae]

whoopsie daisy sorry for going MIA for a bit guys im just grinding TWST en

[rileyclaw]

Hii! First off i just want to I'm such a big fan of your art and animatics! Your art is just so expressive and unique its addicting to look at 💞💞

I was wondering if you could go over how your process or tutorial in making an animatic? Whenever I try to start to make one, I get jumbled up and end up ditching it lol

I'm sorry if you get this question a lot 😭

So sorry it took me so long to answer this- I was in a Busy time (diseaseridden with covid and being punched by finals) when I got the ask and wanted to answer it with some stuff Im using for my next TOH animatic!!

I'll say one thing first: I get jumbled up and ditch so many animatics. For every one animatic I release, there are three to five more I have that have NEVER seen the light of day (yet). And that's okay!! It's fun just to make them for me, and I hope it is for you too!! Animatics are scary because if you're working on it alone, it can be really hard to be your own cheerleader to keep up the mojo to keep going. So that makes it really special when there is that project that makes it to the finish line- cuz you can look at it and go "holy crap I made this. holy crap i MADE that look how SICK that is dude!! all that work and look at the turnout!!"

The following stuffh is just my personal process and is by no means representative of a professional animation pipeline, but this works for me as a Lonely Artist! It all begins with the idea - whether it's a song, or just a story you wanna tell. In the case of the one I'm gonna demo here with , I wanted to animate Hunter's first day as Del's apprentice!

The first thing I did was write a script. Not fancy or AO3-quality, but enough that I understand the pacing and the visuals of each shot. I usually just put this in a doc or put it in a script format, if I feel fancy.

Then, I take that script and find music that I think would fit for it- and remix it (if needed) to fit the pacing/mood/etc! This is what this new animatic looked like before I began ANY artwork- this is a me thing because I'm super inspired by audio as opposed to visuals first. But you might be different- this is just how I like working personally!

Then begins the research! I find references for characters, background layouts, and create a style guide for the animatic that tells me how thick lines will be for characters, backgrounds, if there'll be tons of value or no. I make a turnaround for each character so I can refer to them because Im gonna be drawing them over and over a LOT and want to be consistent! Luckily TOH has no shortage of references, so I based my work off them.

THEN, I can begin drawing. I'm a little,,, (a lot) ADHD and may not always do this process, but if you're new to animatics or daunted by the task at hand, make beat boards of the entire project.

This is just a page of rough thumbnails that get your visual idea down - look how rough and quick these are!! I try not to spend over a minute on each beat board if I dont have to, unless it's a particularly complex shot.

When it gets to the stage where you're ready to begin the actual scenes, I personally tend to do backgrounds first because I like to set characters into backgrounds - and for every animatic, I have the Awkward Blue Sketch Stage which is basically my beat boards timed out as an animatic.

I used Storyboard Pro for this (Toonboom, not free ): icky), but the process can be replicated across most art platforms in whichever way you feel most comfy with! This is so I can time the drawings before I devote time cleaning them up-- which can make for some Pretty Funny looking little guys but theyre important!! trust!!

Once a big sequence of shots is cleaned up (I usually do 40-60 second chunks at a time), I export the .mov and send it to my editing program (which in this case is still Premiere Pro) - and then repeat this process again and again until.. it's done??

Here's like a TL;DR list of basically everything I said summed up:

• Make a loose script or bulletin of the idea! Do your research!

• Depending on what kind of animatic you're making, time it to music!

• Make a beat board of very loose gestures for your shots, and time them - then move on to refinement & cleanup!

• Combine all shots, refine music cues and timings, add any last needed VFX, and export!

There's no secret recipe or anything, it's just learning a pipeline that best suits you, whether it is for something professional or something you want to make for fun because you just love to make!!

[oceanwithouthermoon]

ive been unhealthily fixated on kubosai for the past few weeks, i just have no idea how to put it into words. kuboyasu aren and saiki kusuo are in love btw

[phosphoresccent]

phosphor rewatches voltz (the only episode he remembers is 'the bomb') and collects little lore/headcanons/other bits, the post (with links):

warnings for: my taking their silly bits far too seriously, past members who were in voltz, too much focus on xephos, citing reference material supporting my headcanons (i am sorry)

Episodes 1 -5 under the cut

claustrophobic xephos is just cannon, apparently

lalna with no proprioception bashing his way through doors is as well

the sphax battery texture is just a duracell and xephos and lalna know who the soviets are, all lore is canceled everyone go home (its the "pokedex entries reference elephants and india" problem all over again)

these two goofs are just smashing stuff together until something works. it must be hellish to work in a lab with xeph and lalna, honestly. one of them is furiously trying to read the paper for the first time while handling explosives while the other is trying to smash enriched uranium into powder with a hammer.

no specific timestamps, but lalna and xeph never remembering to eat during a science binge is also canon supported, lewis and duncan have spent the multiple episodes nearly starving, feat.: "I am starving to death, ever so slightly."

the simultaneous awkward 'no idea what's going on here' laugh

in this house we baby talk our machines

have we ever had "xeph just canonically has magic" headcanons before? because i almost feel like we should. adds a little spice.

xeph's planet might have had startreck style food creation machines. he certainlly shouldn't be allowed to cook.

the faintly pouty "well you don't feed me!" - i love the idea of xeph who is more comfortable with his friends feeling secure enough to whine about silly things.

another clip to add to the 'xeph is afraid of the dark' pile

the line from lalna like "im used to being invincible, frankly. Um - so I'm not really - y'know - used to having to worry about dying." - working that into my 'reasons lalna put a nuke under rythian's base' personal canon (dont think about the timeline too hard)

xeph tries to smelt uranium which i think gave lalna a heart attack

xeph and lal both with echolalia repeating the same word back and forth across the lab

for your consideration: xephos being scared of bugs. honestly xeph being kind of useless when he's scared is very cute.

lewis considering jumping off a building because he's on low health and hunger and he can just regen to full vs xeph the character considering that action are so different, tonally. we love a horror comedy.

lalna - voted world's worst scientist at lab safety 11 years running

has the shade of xephs eyes changed or am i loosing it a little? they look more royal blue here, where i'd have said they were pale blue in recent content? maybe it's just the lighting engine having updated somewhat over 11 years.

xeph and lalna realise they aren't alone on the server (also xephos proceeds to refer to sips/sjin collectively as spacemen, lorewise - xephos, at the very least, doesn't believe he's the only extraterrestrial on minecraftia, but do they ever call themselves spacemen?)

whats the lore behind this lot feeling the need to murder each other with explosives? did we get a lore reason?

xeph: "if they're not talking to us, they are definitely our enemies" this says a lot about him, as a person i think.

[the-judicial-assistants-notebook]

You mentioned how actually endearing and compelling Justine/Verity and John/Shaun's bond is, and BOY I so agree with you. I don't see people talk about them often sadly, but I genuinely think it's one of the strongest parts of the game and its narrative (in particular John's character development itself, despite that he appeared pretty late in the story, his involvement in the final sequence was really tasty. "If I kill someone for revenge I'll end hurting people dear to me, so it all will be pointless" hmmm if there isn't a certain samurai guy in another game who needed to learn this as well... but I digress)

Prosecutor's Gambit's parent/child theme is a pretty heavy handed topic, but it's not like there aren't some really amazing parts in this whole deal! I kinda don't even care about the mastermind as much as I care about John (and Kate Hall for this matter)

THEY ARE SO IMPORTANT TO ME!!!!!! I think much of their appeal comes from Justine's shift in personality after her connection to John is revealed (like her joking about smashing Edgeworth's evidence with her gavel), but also every interaction of theirs is so sweet and lovely.

I love how protective they both are of each other, and it makes all the more sense when you take into consideration that Justine wasn't much older than a child herself when she decided to adopt him. I love how they take care to show that, yes, to an extent, they both do look after each other, but Justine is still very much his mother, and she does her job well. The scenes where she's strict with him are so deeply important to me. You know she studied parenting books and did everything she could to prepare herself for this life. And yeah, John is such a great kid!! Genuinely one of the best parent-child relationships in the series to me.

I found it kind of funny how every other relationship in AAI2 involved a dad HAHA It was so much, but I get it. They really wanted to make sure you got what they were going for, and hey, most people seem to like it. I really liked Gregory's segments, which was a welcomed surprise. I didn't expect to love him as much as I did. And, yeah, the mastermind stuff did not work for me. It's probably because I didn't trust Simeon from the moment I met him (their heavy handedness worked against them in his case for me. They were pushing the idea of him being meek and unassuming too hard; I clocked it immediately as a red herring); but even the overall reveal and final confrontation were, like... eh. okay, then. HAHA The best parts of the game for me were those character interactions with the side character. Wasn't really paying attention to whatever was going on with Simeon and the president, but John, Justine, Sebastian, Katherine, Gregory, and Raymond? My actual world.

Also taking this opportunity to share all the screenshots I took of John and Justine <3 :

[gremzon]

I might have OCD actually

[llitchilitchi]

Commission for @kg-clark-inthedark, portrait of her OC Matheo from her fic Beyond The Spheres

thank you so much!

commission info

[diremoone]

guys stop posting good fics of so many different characters I can’t keep up 😭

[her-canine-teeth]

bad astrology by flower face

[transgirltrish]

.