#this post is... so long.... im sorry to everyone in the tag

[pretty-circa006]

Hii im really looking forward to the next part of unhealthy attachment omg i didnt know how much i need this story. I LOVE THIS STORY SO FUCKING MUCH OH MY GODDDD THANK YOU LIKE THAANK YOU FOR WRITTING THIS😔 ilysm girl. Ik you're probably busy and stuff but i hope the next part to the story will be posted soon..😔 this might be my fav story ever !! Ty for existing🙏🏻

Unhealthy Attachments pt. 10

Comfort

◀︎Previous Part

Coach! Negan x Student! F! Reader

summary Negan comforts you through the aftermath of what happened in PE tags mentions of bullying, probably some medical inaccuracies note hello! long time, no see, but i'm alive and i promise i will keep updating this story 'til it's finished, but i cannot promise those updates will come in a timely manner...i'm sorry :'( i do appreciate your patience and apologize for keeping you guys waiting so long. i love reading your comments and getting sweet messages in my inbox like this one, it really motivates me to keep posting on here, love you guys! :3

wc 1.8k

*you are responsible for your own content consumption. if this is something you DO NOT like, simply DO NOT read or interact :)*

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The cots in the nurses office were uncomfortable, but laying on one felt worlds better than laying injured on the gymnasium's floor. But it felt nowhere near as good as being carried in Negan's arms. Remembering that brief moment was the only silver lining throughout all of this. 

You rested on the cot, head against a cheap, paper thin pillow, staring up at the ceiling. The school nurse had already taken a look at you. You could tell she was feeling guilty for not having believed you the first time you came in. She had explained to you that there was probably just bruising on your abdomen and to take it easy for a couple of days. If you were to see any signs of internal bleeding, she explained that you should probably go to the emergency room. It all kind of went in one ear and out the other. You couldn't really focus on anything other than the now dull pain in your stomach and the burning pit of humiliation in your chest. 

Usually, when your classmates would bully you, you'd be able to keep up an uninterested facade and cry about it later when you were alone. As much as it hurt you to be treated so horribly, you'd never let them see how it really affected you. You didn't want them to have that satisfaction. But that all went out the window today. You let those girls in the bathroom see you cry and everyone in your PE class probably got the impression that hitting you with a few measly dodgeballs was enough to send you toppling over in a fit of pain worthy enough to be rushed to the nurse's office. Great. 

"Hey, hon," the nurse said, breaking you out of your sullen stupor, "I'm gonna be in my office for a bit. I have to give your parents a call since they're listed as your emergency contacts and fill out your accident report." You just nodded your head, not caring if she could see it or not. Today was Monday, so both your parents were probably at the church still and wouldn't get the call. Somehow, that offered you a bit of relief. Dealing with their reactions wasn't something you had the energy to deal with right now. Out of the corner of your eye, you watched the nurse walk off to her office and shut the door behind her. Finally, you let the unshed tears burning in your eyes fall. 

You couldn't hear the door open over the sound of your sniffling, so the sound of Negan's "Hey, doll," startled you a bit. Quickly, you swiped your tears out of your eyes, not that it mattered. He's seen you cry plenty of times before, as a matter of fact, he's held you nearly every time you've cried in front of him. Negan set your backpack down beside your cot before taking a seat in the nearby chair. His presence was comforting, yet you couldn't bring yourself to look at him. He's seen you down before, but not like this. 

"What happened?" He asked softly. 

You continued staring at the ceiling, pretending not to hear him. What happened was already humiliating enough, telling him about it just seemed ten times worse. 

He said your name this time and scooted closer. "Look, I'm sorry I didn't believe you earlier."  That got your attention. You turned your head to face him and whispered, "It's okay." 

"No. It's not. You've never given me a reason not to trust you, so my dumbass should've just taken your word and this woulda  never fuckin happened." 

You laughed to yourself, but ended up wincing at the sensation it caused to your stomach. "I'd probably be here anyway. I came earlier, but the nurse also thought I was tryin' to get out of PE." 

As much as he wanted to be mad at the nurse and place the blame onto her, he had to come to terms with the fact he did the same exact thing. 

"What happened to you?" He tried again. You looked away from him and back at the ceiling, afraid talking about it would reduce you to tears again. You were sure Negan saw you as some little crybaby bitch at this point, which isn't at all the impression you want him to have of you. 

"I...," you paused for a second to think of a believable excuse, "I just don't feel well." 

"Don't go lyin' to me after I just told you I trust you." 

You knew the truth would upset Negan, but apparently your lie upset him, too. 

"Remember that girl I punched before spring break?" 

Pride glossed over Negan at the memory. He was overjoyed to see you stand up for yourself for once. 

"What about her?" He asked, fearing he already knew the answer. 

"Her and her friends..." the lump forming in your throat caused your voice to tremble as new tears burned in your eyes.  

Negan's jaw tensed and his hands balled into fists. 

"They...they jumped m-me in the bathroom," you hurried out before breaking down into sobs. 

Negan was beyond pissed. Pissed that they did that to you, but even more so that he couldn't do anything about it. Maybe a detention and possibly suspension at most, but to him, that wouldn't be enough. 

When he looked up at you again, you were facing away from him, your shoulders shaking as you cried into the mattress. As much as he wanted to go find those girls, he needed to do what he does best and comfort you. He sat on the edge of the small cot and rubbed a soothing hand across your back. 

"It's okay, baby, I'm here," he whispered as he continued rubbing soothing circles on your back. His touch calmed you, as it always does. You turned your body over to face him, taking extra care not to put any pressure on your stomach. For the first time since he's been in here, you look him in the eyes. You could tell he was angry by the way his forehead creased between his eyebrows. His anger wasn't directed at you –it never was. He leaned down and pressed a gentle peck to your forehead, a seemingly innocent gesture if the circumstances aren't considered. His dry, but soft lips and the tickle of his facial hair relaxed you a little. 

The sound of the door to the nurse's office slowly opening captured both of your attentions. Negan quickly sat back in his chair and you wiped away your tears. 

"Oh. Negan, you're here, too," the nurse noted, unamused. She had a pink sheet of paper in her hand and an unreadable look on her face. 

"Nurse Ida," he greeted with a slight nod. 

"Hon, I called your parents, but didn't get an answer. Do you have any way to get home?" 

Before you could open your mouth to reply, Negan spoke up. 

"I can drive her home, it's no trouble." 

A look crossed Nurse Ida's face, but she didn’t press any further. 

"Great," she said, folding that pink sheet of paper in half, "Here's a copy of your accident report in case you need to miss a few days of school." 

"Thanks," you mumbled. 

"Sure. Have a good night, hon. Get home safe." She shot Negan another one of her looks before heading back into her office. 

Negan took the accident report and slipped it into your backpack for you. 

"I'm ready to go now." He nodded and grabbed your backpack, putting the straps over his shoulders. He held out a hand to help you up and you took it. Your stomach still hurt but feels way better than it did earlier. 

"Can you walk?" 

You could, but why pass up another opportunity to be in Negan's arms? 

"No," you lied, barely able to conceal a little smirk. 

Negan shook his head and laughed to himself, his cute dimples making themselves visible again. Like before, he scooped you up easily and carried you to his car. 

...

His car smelled a lot like him– like cigarettes, expensive cologne, and faintly of leather. It's like being swept up in a cloud of Negan. He set your bag in the backseat before getting into the driver's seat. 

He remembered your address from that time your parents invited him over for dinner– at least that's what you assumed since he didn't ask you for it. 

"What do I tell my parents?" you wondered aloud as you watch the scenery breeze by. 

"The truth? Mind if I smoke?" You nodded and he stuck a cigarette in his mouth before lighting it. 

"I feel like my dad would only make it worse if he knew the truth. He might try something crazy like calling the principal or confronting the parents when they come to church." 

"Hmm," he blew a puff of smoke out the window, "I can always walk you to your house and feed them some bullshit lie." 

You laughed to yourself because that's totally something you can see him doing. 

"What if...what if I didn't go home?" 

"And go where?" 

"Could I go home… with you?" 

A thick silence filled the car as regret started to creep its way into your mind. A sigh from Negan disrupted said silence. 

"As much as I'd love to do that, I can't, baby. It's just... my wife wouldn't fuckin approve of me bringing a student into our house and what the hell would your parents think if you didn't come home tonight?" 

Wife. Despite that silver wedding band he always has on, him being married was something you shoved back to the dark corners of your mind. You wanted nothing more than to shrivel up and fly out the window– anything to escape this moment, really– but you were trapped and a lump was starting to form in your throat. 

"...right." 

He stopped the car right in front of your house. You could tell he was about to say something else, but you weren't sure if your heart could handle something else. You reached into the back seat and grabbed your backpack before hurrying out the car. 

You mutter a half-assed thanks before shutting the door and hurrying off to your house. 

Thankfully, you had come home before your parents did and were able to delete the nurse’s voicemail from the landline in your dad’s office. You didn’t have the energy to do anything other than take a shower and get in bed, so you did exactly that. 

You hated that stupid school and everyone in it. Going back tomorrow– or at all, really– seemed like a nightmare. Your only motivation for going has been Negan, but even then the cons were starting to outweigh that one pro. Besides, he’s married. As much as you liked him and as much as you like being with him, you were sure he didn’t feel the same. After all the good times you’ve had with him, he went home to his wife right after. He was probably at home in bed with her now. Probably touching her the way you wish he’d touch you. Probably even telling her how much he loves her. More tears pricked at your eyes, but this time you just let them fall until you fell asleep. 

[klbzplb]

Life Series X The Normal Album

[transusopp]

Pls draw zoro & usopp together ?? :D they’re one of my favorite duos & they don’t get very much fanart I think (or just usopp if u don’t wanna draw two people ofc!!!!!!)

look at these goobers. i heart them. idgaf what the haters say they're besties. talk to the wall. also i tried a new rendering thing + also drew their postts designs from memory cause i was too lazy to pull a ref (im so responsible). i hope it looks okay </3

[shepscapades]

GUYS. IM FINALLY MAKING THE DBHC MASTERPOST HAPPEN IM FINALLY DOING IT I’M MAKING IT HAPPEN RAAA

I’m making a new one so I can format it better so I’ve had to start from scratch but it’s finally in the works and almost done

[katabay]

THE SHERIFF AND GUY OF GISBORNE

uh. try to stay with me for a second. so incest motifs are a huge part of medieval lit. you see it in arthuriana cycles, you see it in romances, it's a whole thing.

Incest and the Medieval Imagination, Elizabeth Archibald

so robin hood. both adaptions and the text itself, tend to get interesting with guy of gisborne. and I will say that while I found the media being discussed in this text absolutely fucking insufferable to watch, the discussion on it was delicious, impeccable, show stopping

Mouvance, Greenwood, and Gender in The Adventures of Robin Hood and Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves, Brian J Levy and Lesley Coote

and with regards to discussions on the origin text (which I love and adore forever)

Horseplay: Robin Hood, Guy of Gisborne, and the Neg(oti)ation of the Bestial, Stuart Kane

we're. getting to the point, I promise. guy of gisborne and the sheriff in my own "adaption" are not cousins, but brothers in law (fucked up brothers in law are my thing over on my other blog. brutus and cassius? I'm there. caligula and lepidus? all over that, baby!) because I'm aiming for an adjacent transgression.

on the topic of adjacent transgressions and guy's comment in this comic about cannibalism: there's an overlap in various genres of literature, predominantly in branches of horror and tragedy: between cannibalism and incest. (additionally! a lot of texts will take on christian subtexts and allusions, so there's a bonus homoerotic cannibalism discussion happening wrt communion that I'll get into in the future) it's about. chomping. the teeth, you know.

Managing Monsters, Marina Warner

Statius and Virgil: The Thebaid and the Reinterpretation of the Aeneid, Randall T. Ganiban

there's a 100% chance I will revise the sheriff's design at some point, but I wanted to draw the flowers exploding out of the spine so bad

AND FINALLY, the neck focus on guy is half due to his fate in his origin tale (beheaded) and half my own invention: I girl-with-a-green-ribboned him. a little narrative necromancy, if you will.

[fiendishartist2]

im not fucking around anymore. here's the full "Paul is Care" essay i've been working on:

“Alright. So there's uh, nothing out here, as far as I've seen. But actually, I think there is something out here. I just haven't seen it yet.”

In Petscop, the story is told between the lines. When you feel like you have a grasp on it, a single colour or date throws off everything you’ve built up. That’s why I like to look at Petscop in another way; not as a series of events, but an exploration of a single character: Paul.

Some people like to map everything out in a single timeline; when did Care go missing, when did the family get the game, when did Lina and Mike die. I think that every interpretation of Petscop has its own value, because Petscop means something different to everyone who watches it. But, when I look at Petscop, I don’t just see a series of events wrapped up in the mystery of Care’s disappearance. I see a video game used as a device to explore and understand the connection between the past and the present. I see the ways in which Paul Leskowitz is Carrie Mark.

I know that to some that notion might seem crazy; the broader discussion of Petscop is different to the niche ones held by crazy people in the tags of a Tumblr post . Obviously, this theory is personally significant and I hold it very near and dear to my heart. But, I want to share this theory in a way that makes sense to the general audience of Petscop because I genuinely believe you guys are missing out! So, keep an open mind and enter my Petscop mind-palace…

“...were signs along the way. Um, that I ignored. Because it would have been a completely ridiculous idea to me. Um. But when I found my room, it made, uh, well, I was shocked at first, but it made sense, especially considering where I found the game in the first place, um, that it would be tied, in some way, to me through you. Um. And I'm trying to think, when was the last time I saw any of you at all? It had to have been in like, 1999. I was a kid, I was a small kid. Tiny kid. Um. And after that, just, you know. But, it would make sense in the timeline.” (Petscop 11)

A lot of Petscop theories surround the actual textual proof found in the videos, so that’s where I’ll start. There’s many instances where Paul makes the connection between himself and Care, but one moment continues to stick with me. In Petscop 11, Paul finally enters the house and takes a look around. He’s on the phone with someone, presumably Belle. Paul goes up to the calendars and starts talking about Care, “Yeah, on that topic... I don't remember meeting this girl at all. Um, I don't remember knowing her at any point (…) Um, and I remember you saying that we were, that we, we are, um, exactly the same age.” (Petscop 11). He points out that he and Care share the same birthday, down to the year. We get further confirmation of this in Petscop 14, when Paul’s conversation with Jill that he had on his own birthday is superimposed onto Care’s. The next part though, is what really gets the theory started, “I do agree there's a resemblance. Um. Very strong resemblance between us.” (Petscop 11).

Faces are incredibly important in Petscop. Marvin thought Care and Mike could be rebirthed into Lina because they had similar features, and Care had to be given Mike’s eyebrows specifically to change her room. So, for Paul and Care to have such similar facial features that someone else pointed out the resemblance is significant.

They also happen to share the name “Leskowitz”, which is both Anna and Lina’s last name. We know this because his Reddit account is “p_leskowitz”.

If he’s a Leskowitz, then that explains his complicated feelings towards “the family”. “The family” is a foreboding presence throughout Petscop. Their meddling isn’t outright malicious, but even Paul admits that he’s intimidated by them. And it makes sense, as “the family” (comprised of Anna and Jill) each have a major role in the core mystery of Petscop. Anna is the mother of Care and the wife of Marvin, while Jill is Marvin’s sister and the mother of both Rainer and Mike. To be a Leskowitz, Paul would need to be blood related to Anna or Lina in some way. Paul shows that he has this relation to the family in Petscop 22, when he’s talking to Belle about finding the windmill, “And, I don't th- and you don't have to worry about it, right, 'cause... 'cause you aren't, you aren't family, so you wouldn't... have a room, that's the thing.” (Petscop 22). In this context, Paul is asking Belle whether Jill has contacted her. When he tells her she doesn’t have a room, this is in reference to the Child Library explored in Petscop 3 and 7. This means that in order to be part of the Leskowitz-Mark family (and in our case, related to Care), you have to have a room in the Child Library, something both Paul and Care possess.

Paul being related to the family is also supported by his casual mention of meeting Rainer as a child, “‘Rainer’... I saw him at a birthday party once. All the older kids were down in the basement playing video games, to hide from everyone. He was down there, too. He was older than the rest of them, though.” (Petscop 11), and his confusion of not knowing Care, with the implication that if she was real, he would have met her through the family.

A rarely discussed aspect of Paul’s character is that he can’t tell his left from his right. When he’s doing the disc puzzle in Anna and Marvin’s room is Petscop 11, “Um, we can see what the room looks like in that recording, um, on the uh, right? ... Left? Left? Right ... side.” (Petscop 14) and before he even enters the house, “And, I mean, I still get confused about that. Because, I mean, well, I know it's always the top, but, um, I still have to think. I have to think.” (Petscop 11), we can clearly see that he has trouble with directions. In a similar fashion, Care is described as “dizzy”, most notably in the end credits of Petscop. She is also described as blind by Rainer in Petscop 17, “You were blind. At some point, your movements stopped making sense.” (Petscop 17). In the counsellor’s office, the counsellor says to Paul, “Are you right handed, or left handed? You don't know? Really?” (Petscop 22). I’ll get more into it later, but this sequence is presumably a real conversation that the game is recreating. If this scene is taken from Care’s real childhood, then it confirms that she also had problems with her lefts and rights.

Now, this is the base level of the theory. It’s easy to figure out that Paul is a Leskowitz, he literally calls them “the family”. And while I think the bits about faces and birthdays and directions are significant to this theory, I wanted to get all of the textual evidence out of the way so that I could get into the fun part of this essay: the subtext.

”Some things you can't rewrite.” (Petscop 14)

Petscop is nothing if not a collection of symbols and metaphors. Ask me what Petscop is all about on any given day and there’s a non-zero chance I will start explaining why the car is orange. While it is necessary to analyse Petscop as a real series of events, I think that another approach can be taken; what if we analysed Petscop as a series of events that are happening to Paul specifically? That the game is creating meaning by placing Paul specifically in these snippets of the past. By looking at each moment as “Why did the game make Paul do this?” instead of “What is happening in the game?”, we can see everything through a new lens.

First, I want to discuss colour. Colour plays a huge role in Petscop; almost every character is assigned their own colour. This is most often used to denote who is speaking in text, but it’s also used for other things like the tool. You are probably aware that Care’s colour is yellow, as all of her text is yellow. What you might not know is that Paul’s colour is red. Paul has exactly one instance in all of Petscop where he has coloured text and that is in Petscop 22, when he gives the counsellor his name. The calendars in the house are also colour coded, as the one showing 2017 is red.

One of my favourite moments in all of Petscop uses colour in a way that supports this theory perfectly. When Paul takes Care out of the rebirthing machine, she has been transformed into an Easter egg. A red and yellow striped Easter egg. I will get into this egg later on, but for now, I want to point out how Paul and Care’s colours have been used here. Of course, it’s significant just that they've been put together, but it's more than that. Care’s final form, the egg she has been placed in to keep her safe from all of the trauma she has suffered, that she will spend the rest of the series in, is painted a combination of her and Paul’s colours. In the same sequence, when Paul is playing the Needles Piano for Care B, the “wrong” notes he plays to turn her into the Easter Egg are all red. There’s a joke about eggs and transness in here somewhere.

Right after Care’s rebirth into the egg, Paul places her in the locker with the purple egg and the “new life” letter. If we abide by the established colour theory, this second egg would be Belle’s/Tiara’s egg. By putting them together, alongside the letter, it symbolises Care and Belle’s transfer to Lina’s care; this can also be supported by the ending of Petscop. In the final scene of the soundtrack, Belle recounts when she and Paul were adopted, “There is Boss waiting for her son. Pall do you remember being born. Smuggled away driving to your new house. Boss in driver seat me in back.” (Petscop Soundtrack). “Do you remember being born” is a question posed over and over again throughout Petscop. It’s meant to be a reference to rebirthing, but here it’s Paul being asked if he remembers being born, not Care; you can also connect this to the “new life” letter, making it apparent Belle is asking if he remembers when he was given his “new life” with her and “Boss”. There’s also the implication of the wording “smuggled away”, implying that there was something stopping Paul from being taken to his new home. Paul and Care’s final scenes parallel each other; Care is placed with Belle’s/Tiara’s egg with the “new life” letter, while Paul is taken back to “Boss” by Belle. Care and Paul are both asked if they “remember being born”.

Another, smaller piece of colour theory in Petscop comes from the board games in the counsellor’s office. The board game “Accident” features red and yellow puzzle pieces that fit together, but are broken apart. Remember that Care’s colour is yellow, so assume that she symbolises the yellow piece; Paul’s colour is red, so assume that he symbolises the red piece. The red piece is bigger and fits into the smaller yellow piece, like it’s missing the beginning of it. The yellow piece comes before the red piece, as if it adds context to the red piece. When we think of this in terms of Care and Paul, we can see that Care is the “missing piece” of Paul; the small part of his past that adds the context that completes him. Paul’s piece is bigger because he’s been Paul for so much longer (if we interpret the counsellor’s office as a real event the way it is shown, then that could be the moment he changed. Or, if we consider Care’s rebirth into the egg as the moment Care turned into Paul, then that would be the moment instead), meanwhile Care’s piece is small because she was only a small part of his life.

Taking colour into account, we can get into the meat of the symbolism in Petscop. When we view the events of Petscop through our new lens, many things become significant. Paul is placed in the role of Care many times throughout the series; on Care’s birthday, in the counsellor's office, and in Rainer’s “you are Carrie Mark” monologue.

During the “strange situation” birthday scene, Paul carries around a yellow balloon, symbolising that he is standing in for Care. This is further cemented by Anna’s dialogue addressing Paul as if he is Care on the day she came home, “You made it. Happy birthday! (...) Why are you covering your face? (...) Of course I recognize you. Those eyes. That nose. That’s still you.” (Petscop 14).

This next dialogue from Anna is particularly interesting to me; she doesn’t just tell Paul that she’s happy Care is home safe or ask him where she’s been, but instead she says this, “I sure hope you’ve realised by now. It doesn’t matter how long you’ve been gone. It doesn’t matter how much you’ve changed. You aren’t lost. Stop wandering and come home.” (Petscop 14). When we talk about Petscop, we have the urge to deny any supernatural involvement in the story. Whether through AI or predictive programming or alternate timelines, we want Petscop to be plausible. Understandable. Easy to digest. But, we often forget that Paul poses the question of a literal “ghost in the machine” in the first few episodes. I want to consider this quote– Anna talking to her child who has been “lost” for many years– as an act of this ghost. The game is talking back to Paul, telling him that no matter how much he has changed, he still has the same eyes, the same nose that made him Carrie Mark. And we know how important eyes and noses are in Petscop. Also as a side note, consider how Anna didn’t specify eyebrows; we know that Care’s lack of eyebrows is in some way due to Marvin, but when she tells Paul she recognises his eyes and nose, she doesn’t add on eyebrows. Paul said it himself in Petscop 7, “Um, and why am I doing that? Well, because eyebrows seem to be important.” (Petscop 7). I like to think that she couldn’t have said that Paul has the same eyebrows because, since Marvin isn’t in the picture anymore, he wouldn’t have any reason to pluck them.

Another scene that mixes up Paul and Care is the counsellor's office. When Paul finally enters the “girl wall” in Petscop 22, he is placed into a school’s counsellor’s office. Again, they talk to Paul as if he is Care, apologising for taking him out of class and saying he needs to “catch up”, implying that he’s missed a significant amount of school. As they start to play Graverobber (Jesus Christ, Rainer), the counsellor is confused about Paul’s name; they ask him if they have the wrong name written down, as his save file is currently “Strange Situation” and when they called out the name on file, Paul didn’t respond. Now, the connection here is a little more nuanced, but it still comes to a conclusion that I think greatly supports the theory. “Strange situation” is in reference to the Mary Ainsworth Strange Situation Experiment, a test in which an infant is deliberately separated from their mother to test their level of attachment. This is a very base level understanding of this concept, but when applied to this specific scene, it becomes apparent that this “strange situation” is another reference to Care. Care was separated from her mother for about half a year, only returning during the birthday party scene; the counsellor’s scene was accessible once Paul started using the “Strange Situation” file. Care stopped recognising the name she used before the seperation, considering herself to be “Strange Situation” instead. She has literally stopped recognising the name Care, and picks out her own name (which in the game Paul sets to his own).

Also consider the implication of the “girl wall”. At first, it’s an absurd joke, meant to lighten the mood using the same roundabout humour the rest of the series has. But, the counsellor asking if they have the wrong name, listing Paul as “Strange Situation” instead of his name, combined with the fact that when Paul is placed in front of the girl wall, he can’t walk away from it, it becomes a bit of an analogy; The game keeps forcefully showing Paul the word “GiRL” over and over and when he finally enters the “girl-world” as Strange Situation, he is called the wrong name and once again placed in Care’s shoes.

Let’s revisit the “ghost in the machine” idea. In Petscop 17, we are shown a past recording of Petscop; we never find out who was playing at this time, but it’s easy to assume Paul is the one watching the recording. The footage is less interesting than the dialogue, but it is notable that it’s a recording of the player running backwards in a very deliberate pattern. The actually relevant part of this sequence is Rainer’s monologue; in particular, the way he frames it, “You are a girl named Carrie Mark, and you were born on November 12th, 1992. You have a mommy named Anna, a daddy named Marvin, an auntie named Jill, an uncle named Thomas, a cousin named Daniel, ......I know what you must be thinking. Have these statements always been true? Or have I cursed you? Is there such a thing? A curse that changes your past?” (Petscop 17). There’s something about the forcefulness of this dialogue, “You are Carrie Mark,” as if Rainer is trying to make it so just by saying it. The inclusion of the birthday is also notable; we have been shown time and time again that Paul and Care share a birthday, and that this is an important part of both of their characters. So, when Rainer asks if these statements have always been true, or if it’s “a curse that changes your past”, we’re meant to interpret it as such: some of the statements are true, but the “you” being addressed is not currently “a girl named Carrie Mark”. Rainer casts a spell to make the player retrace their steps and although he might not be playing, the use of the word “you” and present tense language makes the statement pointed towards Paul. There’s something to be said about Rainer’s position in all of this; he isn’t the only tangible “ghost” in Petscop (Marvin and Tiara fit Paul’s definition established in Petscop 6), but he’s the only one to be fully dead. It truly feels, in this moment, like Petscop– like Rainer– is talking directly to Paul. The “curse that changes your past” is the part that ties it all together. This past that Paul doesn’t fully remember, where Anna and Marvin have a daughter named Care, where someone in his family went missing for months– by learning about this through the game, Rainer is essentially changing Paul’s version of the past. Your memory and physical evidence are all you have of the past; when your memory tells you one thing, but physical evidence tells you another, what version of your past is true?

“You’re the Newmaker. You can turn Care NLM into Care A, and close the loop.” (Petscop 9)

Finally, I want to explain why this theory is supportive of the themes of Petscop. Of course, there’s the obvious link between rebirth and the change from Care to Paul. But, there’s also themes of blood family versus chosen family, breaking the cycle of abuse, and of healing from your past. I want to provide an explanation of each of these themes and how the “Paul is Care” theory fits into them.

Let’s begin with the family point, since I already expanded on the family’s role in Petscop earlier. There’s a story behind the scenes in this series; the conflict between the chosen family versus the blood family. Anna and Jill against Belle and Lina. Anna and Jill are restrictive– they take over the channel and block certain things from the audience. Paul admits that he’s intimidated by them, and he’s concerned when he thinks Jill could be in contact with Belle. When we get the only dialogue from Jill, Paul is hostile and aggressive with her, something we don’t see from him otherwise. Alternately, Anna comes off as dismissive in most of her dialogue; when Care shows up at the birthday party, Anna treats her like no time has passed, like they haven’t been searching for her for months. We don’t get direct contact between Anna and Paul (except for a phone call in Petscop 11 that you could interpret as being with Anna), but the way she talks to the player through Care during the birthday party is still dismissive, “I sure hope you’ve realised by now. It doesn’t matter how long you’ve been gone. It doesn’t matter how much you’ve changed. You aren’t lost. Stop wandering and come home.” (Petscop 14). There’s a level of distance between Paul and the family, which is evident from the name alone; Paul identifies himself as part of the family, but he still calls them “the family” as opposed to “my family”. When you pair that with the fact that he calls them all by their first names instead of any term of endearment (like how Rainer calls her “Auntie Jill” in his spell), it paints a clear picture: Paul does not want to be part of this family.

In direct contrast, Belle is shown a significant amount of affection from Paul. Not only is he on the phone with her for a good handful of the episodes, but Belle also has a familial connection to Paul. In Petscop 2, Paul is talking to Belle and he says “When you come home next month, and uh, hopefully you're feeling a little more enthusiastic about that now, we can investigate this together, and maybe you'll find stuff that I can't find here.” (Petscop 2). I think the casual use of the word ‘home’ to describe where Belle is staying implies a certain closeness, maybe even that they live in the same household. That’s not the part of this line that is important to me, however. Take a look at Belle’s final speech at the end of Petscop; Belle says “I could not wait too be your friend,” and Paul responds, “Family”, to which Belle says, “We can investigate this together.” (Petscop Soundtrack). After distancing himself from the family, as well as directly telling her she’s not part of the family (following it up with “Uhh... I didn't- I didn't mean it that way,” (Petscop 22), implying they have a similar connection that she’s defending), Paul calls Belle family. She states that they’re friends and Paul corrects her by telling her that they’re not just friends, but family. The most gut wrenching part of this dialogue is the use of ‘we can investigate this together’. It’s like a ward, a promise that Belle is making to Paul. He doesn’t have to go through this alone, she’s promising to be there for him. She’s going to investigate this with him, like he asked her to in the second episode. Paul doesn’t call his blood relatives family, but he tells Belle that they are his family; her and the “Boss”.

How does this connect to Care? It’s not hard evidence, but when you take this theme of family into account, it makes more sense for Paul to have a strained relationship with the family if we apply Care’s story to him. Think about it; Paul was ‘smuggled away driving too [his] new house’ and he hasn’t seen the family since he was a child, and Care’s egg was (metaphorically) placed with Belle’s and the New Life Letter when she would have been around 5, since that’s the age she was when she was kidnapped. Care went through an extremely traumatic event in a toxic environment– why wouldn’t someone step in and take her out of that family? To me, this theory extends the same closure Paul gets at the end of Petscop to Care; it tells us that even after everything she went through, she finds people who love and take care of her.

Abuse is a huge focus in Petscop, both as a plot point and a major theme. Rainer’s main motivation is to expose Marvin’s abuse of both Mike and Care to the family– whether or not that’s successful is not important. Because years after Rainer’s attempt, Paul is back doing the exact same; although, his playthrough of Petscop is less of an expose and more of an attempt at solving the mystery. Now, I think it’s a little pedantic, but in this context, I think the “cycle of abuse” in Petscop refers less to a generational cycle, but a continuous cycle that happens every time Petscop is played. Care is stuck in this version of the past that Rainer has created, forced to live through it as many years as Petscop is left on. Paul doesn’t continue this cycle though; as far as we know, Paul is the only person to reach the good ending of the game, where he’s rebirthed Care into the egg and reconnected with Belle and ‘Boss’. Paul is the only person who could understand what Care needed, because it’s exactly what he needed.

Care’s trauma is replayed for us throughout Petscop. Every knowable aspect of it is shown, leaving behind a raw feeling; like somehow, Paul and Rainer have made a spectacle of her abuse. But, I don’t think that’s entirely true. Rainer, although he is bitter and vengeful, is ultimately the person who finds the truth about Care and Mike and (if we are to believe him) is also the one who found Care at the school. In the beginning, it’s obvious that Paul is playing the game to see the mystery and is slowly engulfed by it throughout the rest of the series. When the game tells him that, “Marvin picks up tool hurts me when playstation on,” (Petscop 3), Paul proceeds anyway. The same happens when Care is caught in her room; Paul sees what is obviously a child being kidnapped and continues to solve the puzzle anyway. He picks the flower, catching Care NLM, and leads Marvin to the house. Paul follows through on everything he can to ‘solve’ the mystery of Carrie Mark, but in the end, he defies what the game has told him to do and saves Care. He does what Rainer couldn’t do: he breaks the cycle of abuse in the Mark-Leskowitz family. It’s kind of poetic, the idea that the person Care grew to be is the same person who confronts and lays to rest her trauma. The fact that playing his own theme would be the key to changing Care into the egg (a symbol of birth and potential) is beautiful.

The last thing I want to talk about is the theme of healing. This concept is more nebulous; we don’t see much of Paul post-Petscop, but the final scene does always leave me feeling hopeful for him. I think the reconnection with Belle and ‘Boss’, alongside the reassurance that, “[they] can investigate this together,” shows that Paul is out of the mindset and environment Petscop put him in. I’ve always thought that throughout Petscop, we see a deterioration of Paul; in the beginning, he’s intrigued and confused, but we see him become more and more disturbed, irritable, and frustrated towards the end. This is first evident with the CD puzzle in the house, where Paul is so out of his depth and confused that he stops acting with the same calm rationality shown throughout the earlier episodes. Then, when Paul is messing about with the demo recordings, he stops speaking in the videos entirely. When Paul sees the final blacked out object, which are coordinates to the real life windmill, he is the most stuttery we’ve ever seen, “Hm. Y- y- yep, yep. Yep... yep. N- we would- we would have to find out how big... like, we'd have to find out how big a tile is..? One of the tiles..? Like, if we could- if we could figure out how big... one tile is, in... u- in, umm... Like, feet. Or... Uhh, yeah. Meters.” (Petscop 22). He’s frazzled and excited and a little bit scared, evidenced by how he talks about the family, “They didn't... I don't like talking to them. They intimidate me…” (Petscop 22). All of this changes by the end; Paul is no longer stuck playing the game and he’s free to return to the people who love him most. This freedom is summed up in a single image: the final one we see in Petscop. Paul’s chair is empty and the blue sky beyond the desk is brimming with hope.

All this to say, Paul choosing Belle and ‘Boss’ over the game as well as saving Care by doing what’s best for her instead of finishing the final puzzle, alongside his final scene where he is welcomed home by his real family, shows us an interpretation of Petscop that paints it not as a tragedy, but a story of chosen family, breaking the cycle of abuse, and healing trauma through connection.

Thank you so much for hearing me out.

Bye-bye!

[dsnzfb]

A Flair for the Dramatic

Axolotl/Lotus, cold/flu, M/M, ~2.9K

Axo gets the flu and a subsequent fever. He struggles to deal with it, and it's now Lotus's problem.

“Loooooo…”

This had been a frequent calling from Axo recently, and if it was anyone else, Lotus would have snapped at them to shut up and leave him alone.

But it wasn’t anyone else.

This was Axolotl.

Axo, with the strength of a bear and constitution of an ox, was usually the picture of health. Yet here he was, bundled up in bed with the flu, and here Lotus was, tending to his every need. 

Fevers hit Axo hard, and this was no exception. 

“You should be more careful,” Lotus had told him before he came down with it, “You meet a lot of people, yet you haven’t had your seasonal vaccine.”

Axo’d brushed him off and explained that he didn’t have time with the bakery’s opening hours. Not to mention he’d never gotten the flu before, so he’d be fine!

“I- I have t-to… ggh… haa… aahh… h-hhaaa… Hhhi-iih-iiih… HhiiIITSHHhhoOO!! Hhg-hhIITSSHHIEWW!! N-nn…” The Icelandic man pulled the covers around him tighter with a pathetic whimper, body trembling as he struggled to feel anything but freezing cold.

“…Bless you, Ax. I could say ‘I told you so’, you know.” Lotus offered up a tissue from the almost-empty box next to Axo, thumb tracing the back of his friend’s hand as they touched. He was too warm.

Luckily, he’d had his own flu shot the moment it became available to him.

“T-T-This-” the larger man blew his nose productively, ears feeling like they were going to pop from the pressure in his sinuses, “This sucks… I don’t like it, Lo… I don’t get sick like this… Ever. My body hurts… My muscles are screaming at me… A-and my skin aches, it’s… It’s so sensitive, and I’m sweating, but I’m so cold… My nose keeps running, but whenever I try to sniffle, or wipe it with a tissue, o-or blow, it makes me sneeze…”

Lotus sighed. This really was his own fault, but Axo wasn’t used to taking care of himself when he got sick like this. 

He wasn’t the mother hen sort himself - that was more Rose’s deal. But seeing his friend like this, drowning in misery, it made his chest twist up in uncomfortable knots - he couldn’t bring himself to leave Axo to deal with this alone. The accountant would hole himself up and away when sick himself, but when it came to Axolotl? He couldn’t deny it, he was weak for that man.

“That’ll be the fever, and… Well, everything else that comes with the flu. Mm…” He hummed, “I don’t recall ever seeing you get an injection. Even when we were at school together, though we got called in separately for them, I suppose. But still…”

While Lotus’ brows furrowed during his reminiscing, Axo avoided his gaze and stared down at the corner of the blanket he was fidgeting with. He was usually happy to talk about times past, so the silence was unusual.

Well, silence bar a sniffle, and then growing hitches.

“H-hhei-hh…iiih… H-hhah…”

“Ax, tissue.”

“H-hhaa…aahh… Hhaaiih-!” The sick man pulled a tissue out from the nearby box just in time, despite his ample warnings, “hhaAIIMPFFH!!! IITsshHHIEWh!! Iish-TSSHHHIIieww!! N-nngh… Haahnn….”

Lotus blessed him softly. “Poor thing. It’s hit you hard, mm?”

“Mmb…” Axo nodded, eyes teary from sneezing and cheeks radiating heat. Embarrassment? Maybe. Fever? Absolutely.

Stepping close, the pink-haired man traced a soothing hand down Axo’s arm, pausing at a wince, and then continuing.

“You don’t have to tell me the details. But did you? Have your flu vaccines back then?”

As if shamefully, Axo slowly shook his head, strawberry blond hair cascading around his face and catching the light, seemingly glowing in the sun’s final rays of the day through his window. The British man found it hard to be mad at him, even a little.

“Never went. Snf-! HHnngh-aaah- a-ah… hhuaa’ttSHHHhew!! -ktsSHHIEW! Nngguh… I, um… I got the… Necessary ones… But… Y-you’re going to think I’m pathetic, Lo…”

“Go on.”

“I cried, every time… I was so scared… It hurts, I don’t know how people can do it… I, um- t-they had to hold me still for the important ones… I think I would have run away if they didn’t.” 

“I don’t think that’s pathetic. So you have a phobia, is that right? I think it’s very brave that you got them. But you really should have your seasonal one. I’ll come with you next time. I’ll hold your hand. Hold your head, so you can’t see it. Then we can get, I don’t know, ice cream afterwards, or something. Or a hot meal, if the weather’s shite.”

Axo stared up at him, eyes wide.

Lotus fidgeted.

“…Say something, would you? I’m dreadful at this sort of thing.”

“A-Ah, sorry. I, uh… Thank you… You don’t have to do that. Nobody’s ever offered. It’s usually alone, just… Me and them… And they have the- the thing, and…”

Axo started to choke up just thinking about it, helped along by his fevered, highly emotional state. Goosebumps ran up his arms, a shudder running through his body despite the thick blankets currently cocooning him.

The pink-haired man’s expression instantly turned to worry, clearly unequipped to deal with a very upset, very sick Axo dealing with vivid memories of phobia-triggering events on top of a raging fever, “Shh. It’s okay. Don’t cry. Think of something else. Sorry for bringing it up, I didn’t know you were scared. You can go back to whining about how miserable you feel, or telling me a nonsensical fever-induced recipe idea for the bakery. H-How about that pesto-filled turtle bread you mentioned earlier today?”

A single laugh broke through Axo’s tears at Lotus’s attempt at helping, making him snort and send mess down his face. With a sympathetic smirk, the Brit cleaned him up easily, with the patience one might expect from a mother, or a nurse, or a long-term roommate-turned-boyfriend-turned-friends-with-benefits.

“You’re so silly, Ax. You always have been.”

“P-Pathetic…”

“Nonsense. You’re scared and unwell.” He threw the tissues away, then put the back of a hand on Axo’s cheek, then his forehead, then the nape of his neck.

“Still too warm. Can you take some medicine for me? Need to get that fever down, and I’m not strong enough to carry you into the bath.”

Axo didn’t understand what Lotus was saying, not figuring out what a bath had to do with him having a fever, or why he’d need to be carried to it. His confusion distracted him from the bulk of his upset, luckily enough.

“Ok…ay?? Are you, um- h-hold… Hold ohhhn… Are you s-s-suuh… Suuu…. Uuhh-iiIIhh…!! S-sure- that you’re n…naah…ah… No-ooht- s-sic-ck-kktSHHiiIIEW!! Hh-aaah-hTTSHHHIIEWw!!”

Lotus tore his gaze away from the tickly, hitchy, very sneezy man, cheeks warming alarmingly as he mumbled, “…Again with the nonsense… Barely able to tell what you’re saying… I’m certain, Ax. I’ve had my thing this year. I can’t catch it.”

Axo appreciated Lotus not mentioning the name of the object that brought him to tears, though he didn’t have much time to dwell on it before his sensitive nose twitched again.

“S-seeh-… Serious…ly…? It’s like… T-thuh-… The slightest breeze… Or… What’s i-iih-iiit… A hair trigger…? G-gonna- gonna s-sneeze agaaiih… Again, Lo…” The Icelandic man sounded slightly annoyed at just how easily his red, sore nose was set off at the moment, yet he still had to build up so much to his fits. He wished he could get them over with, like someone else he knew.

Cheeks now starting to feel like they were radiating heat, Lotus continued to look away from his friend as the dramatic buildups shot through him, pretending there was something particularly interesting on a nearby shelf that required his immediate attention. Well, Axo clearly hadn’t dusted in a bit. May as well busy himself with a little cleaning.

The breathy hitches continued for longer than he expected, and he ended up glancing at the larger man, only to find him just as he imagined – no, feared – from that sound.

The blond’s chapped nose was running freely down his face as he hitched, bridge scrunching up in irritation, lips curling at the itch the mess brought on. His eyes were shut tight, hot tear tracks shining down his equally fevered cheeks.

Shit, Lotus wouldn’t be able to control himself if this kept up.

“…L…Looooo… Lo… S-stuck… It’s… I cad’t-hheh-!! S-Sdeeehze-!! H-heh-eehiih!! Oh by god-!” Axo begged, attempting to open his eyes and look over at his friend, “He…elppp…“

Help?

Help how?

Was he kidding with this?

Lotus discreetly pinched himself - ow - and found that he wasn’t, indeed, dreaming. With a sigh, he took a seat beside Axo. More ‘traditional’ methods of inducing a sneeze felt like cartoonish fantasies, like pepper, a feather, or anything like that. Out of the question. He couldn’t dare use the rolled up tissue method - what if Axo asked how he knew about it? Allergies? As far as he was aware, he didn’t have any aside from certain perfumes, of which he had none here. Pollen gave him no trouble, he was fine around Cactus’s cat, dust did little more than make him cough when around too much, plus the fact that he just cleaned, Ax owned a dog… A clothes tag? Where the hell would he get one of those right now?

He couldn’t touch his nose. No way. That’s…. That’s far too intimate for this situation. Ignoring the fact that they’d already done unmentionable things to each other over the course of their ‘friendship’, of course. Axo’s kinks were normal, Lotus couldn’t admit or allude to a particularly uncommon one like this. Especially not right now. He didn’t want to be seen as taking advantage, or enjoying Axo’s suffering. He just wanted him to feel better - if anything, this kink was getting in the way.

Lotus let out another sigh, not having given an answer yet. The poor flu-ridden guy was completely stuck, despite his nose being so sensitive at the moment. What was it he said? A slight breeze would set him o-

Oh.

That could work.

“Look at me, Ax.” The accountant guided Axolotl’s face with a careful hand on his cheek. He took in his visage - so unabashedly tickly, so sick, it made his heart ache.

Axo sniffed hard, trying to be not such a mess in front of Lotus, though was now hitching in his general direction regardless. Lotus pursed his lips slightly and blew. 

“Ggh-?! L-Lo, what- h-hah- t-that- that tickles- I’m… I… I-iih-…!! I’m g-gonna-…!! Gonna… snhh-… Snee-eeeh-eeiIISSHHhIiew!!! Ee-eehii-hiitTSSHHUue!!! S…Sdeeze…! Hhi-iih-hhiTTSHHiieeew!! AahTSSHIEW! E-eh-eeh..!!” The Icelandic man held a tissue in front of his face, sneezing at it rather than into it, and Lotus was belatedly incredibly grateful that he didn’t have a problem with needles. He didn’t wanna catch this, and with Axo being this bad at covering in the midst of an overwhelming fit like this, he would have been doomed.

Axo’s breaths paused, teetering on the edge of another tickle, so Lotus blew again.

“Hh-hhhdt-!! HhdTSSHHIEW!! AASHhEEUUHh!! AasSSHHhh-aaht’SSHHEWW!! O-ohhh…. Ndgh… S-scuse be… I, ub… Did’t bead to sdeeze that buch… Thadk you, Lo…”

Lotus felt like he was on fire, heart leaping to his throat as he choked out a blessing.

“I, uh… N-no problem. Glad I could help. Bless you. A thousand times.”

Axo blew his nose into the now-damp tissue, ears popping from the pressure. And of course, because he hadn’t tortured Lotus quite enough yet, he kept talking.

“I didn’t know the flu could be so sneezy, Lo… I always thought of it as, um… Like a bad fever and a cough, and… Stuff like that, but… This is just– it’s like a bajillion feathers all up in my nose, all dancing and swirling around, all covered in- in p-pepper…”

Lotus turned around with the mumbled excuse of ‘I’m getting you medicine.’ and stiffly walked off as Axo muffled another harsh sneeze into the tissue. Apparently just talking about it was enough to set him off now.

Ax really had no idea what the hell he was doing to him, so he couldn’t exactly blame him for this, but Lotus was being driven absolutely insane right now. Okay, medicine. Medicine… Hopefully it would help the poor guy start to feel a bit better, and knock him out long enough for the Brit to regain his composure.

After a few minutes of rummaging, he found a packet of cold & flu medication, blissfully unopened, and brought it to Axo, who was still rambling to himself about who-knows-what. (He knew what.)

“Sneezing so much is making my chest hurt, not from, um- not from the lungs, but the muscles, it’s so much movement, and I already ache…” He whined, eyes blinking open when Lotus nudged his hand and placed the small cylindrical pills on his palm.

“Take these.”

“W-wh- did you teleport? You were just here, and now you have those-”

“Hush. Just take them. Here’s your water.”

“….Thank you, Lo.” Axo swallowed the pills with a wince, chased them with his drink, then smiled at him, “I’m so lucky to have you. Thanks for looking after me.”

Looking away pointedly so that Axo hopefully wouldn’t notice the blush on his cheeks, Lotus replied. “….D-Don’t be a sap. You’d do the same for me. You have done the same for me.”

“I know, but… I don't know how bad I'd be if you weren't here. I'd be drowning in my mountain of tissues, probably… I don't think I've sneezed this much in my entire life.”

With a sigh, the Brit took a seat on Axo's bed. He still refused to look at the other man, but spoke regardless, “That department store about a year ago. The perfume section, when it was the only way to get to the men's clothes.”

Axo blinked, then smiled in recognition, “Oh, yeah! I'd completely forgotten about that! Wow, your memory is amazing. Yeah, I sneezed loads… I had to buy a new shirt, ‘cause all the perfume made… made me… my chesthh! Hhah… hhapTShhyuuUUuh!! Mm, bless me. Just thinking about that stuff… sneezing that much in public broke my shirt buttons, somehow…”

‘Somehow’, as if his chest wasn't absurdly huge and struggled to fit in shirts on a good day.

“I could barely breathe… it's a good thing you used your shirt and chest like a filter for my poor nose, the perfume was so unrelenting…”

Lotus was starting to regret mentioning that event. 

“I'm sorry for sneezing on you then… and now, too. It's not on purpose, they just… they take over, so it's… it's hard to control… ohgod- I have to sneeze again, Lo… hhah… hha-aaAAHH…!! HhaPTSSHYIEWWwwwh! HhatSHOOoooh! Hhah-ahh-AH! AAHTSHIIEWWwwh!! Mmnh… goodness, bless me.”

“You ran out of blessings. I have a limited amount to give, and you’ve had them all.”

“Awww…” the Icelandic man pouted dramatically, his drippy nose only serving to accentuate how pathetic he currently sounded, “How can I get more?”

Lotus placed a hand on Axo’s, thumb tracing the back of his hand intimately, “There’ll be more by the time you wake up. So, can you guess what I’m going to suggest you do?”

“Take a nap?”

“Good job.”

“...I am pretty tired, but I feel like… like… hhah… hhaiIH…! HHIih… hhiPPTSHHYEEWwwh!! …Like I’ve done nothing but sleep. And sneeze.”

The Brit pushed him back slowly onto his pillow, “That’s because you have to recover. Your fever’s still not down. I’ll be here, okay? I’m not reading you a story, though.”

“Could you, um… Tell me about work? I’m not calling numbers boring, but they do always relax me…”

“Yes, because they were so riveting that you didn’t need my help with the bakery’s finances in the first place, hm? Well, if you insist. It’s coming up to tax season, so I’ve been busy with them. There’s a lot to say. But aren’t you lucky that I’ve been on top of everything for you? Truly, there’s an inane amount of forms to fill in. This week’s turnover will likely be lower than previous weeks, thanks to all this.” he motioned to his sick companion.

Axo gave a tired sigh, a smile growing on his face. He loved Lotus’s voice. He always had.

“But you’ve been doing well otherwise, profits are exceeding expectations despite the current climate. Going to those events with those booths, getting catering jobs, all of it helps.” Lotus couldn’t help but enjoy himself as he then started to rattle off stats, percentage returns, and costs. He didn’t often have someone willing to listen to him talk about work, and while it wasn’t ideal that it was being used as a bedtime story, he didn’t really mind.

“-and if we don’t want the IRS on our asses, I’ll be needing to fill in all those-”

A snore interrupted him. Lotus turned to look at the other man, relieved to see him sleeping peacefully. Finally.

“Mm, you weren’t kidding. But I think they do a little more than just relax you. No wonder you struggled. You probably fell asleep at your desk… Don’t think I’ll ever forget you were doing all your finances on paper, silly thing. You sleep well, and feel better in the morning, okay? That’s an order. A threat, perhaps.”

Lotus gave the feverish man’s hand a squeeze, three unspoken words hanging heavy in the air.

‘I love you, Axo. One day, I’ll be able to tell you properly.’

[microwavetoaster-selfships]

I think I need that "Wow, I haven't stubbed my toe in five months! I was then shot fifty-seven times." Audio again

[thegreatyin]

How did you manage to handle not one, but FOUR separate accounts in fl? I recently made the account for my HD little guy but having to do the tutorial again just seems miserable

there's... weirdly several answers to that question, actually??

a HUGE part of it is due to the way FL is structured. the 10-minute action timer is a core part of the game on a fundamental level, and the fact that i can very easily run out of stuff to do on one character and thus have an excuse to quickly and easily swap to another is just... convenient? satisfying? i'm not entirely sure how to explain it. the fact that i can make progress even while i am fundamentally simultaneously Not Making Progress is like pure dopamine for my freak insane awful little brain. there's just something really pleasing about spending all of my actions pursuing The Goal Of The Day™ on one account before casually swapping to another and doing the same without feeling like i'm wasting time or acting to the first account's explicit detriment. the downtime helps! the recharge time helps! the structure really really works!!

i'm technically only actively playing three, maybe two accounts minimum. the only reason the fourth (the one that'll be my future BaL playthrough) currently exists at all is so i can get his earlygame completely out of the way now and not have to waste time running through it all later, when what i actually want to do is play the ambition i've made myself wait a full year to play. and also getting free goodies as seasonal stuff happens,, something something surprise tools to help us later. the only two accounts i'd say i'm really "actively playing" at the moment are caeru and lark- and of the two, lark takes the most priority, since his ambition is the one i'm currently pursuing in earnest. for a couple months now- despite being My Main FL Character- the scoundrel has actually been pretty inactive on a gameplay front outside of the occasional progression in TLC and discordance content. purely by virtue of having Very little left to do outside of Very long-term grinds and vanities. they're in their "now what?" "now you can start playing the game" era. they've graduated to previous protagonist background cameo in a sequel anime series. they're like the yin FLPC equivalent of red at the top of mount silver. they're Literally just vibing rn. i only keep posting about them regardless because i'm insane and i will never ever ever ever ever let that bat go. but yeah, big TLDR, outside of doing the bare minimum to keep making waves/notability up every week, i'm not actually spending that much time on accounts i'm not currently actively interested in playing. and that accounts for way more gaming spoons than you might think.

i have a virtually lifelong history of playing MMOs, especially and specifically world of warcraft. i was born in the endless grind for useless video game pixel vanities and/or bragging rights. molded by it. you all have merely adapted to doing the same piece of content a pointlessly excessive amount of times for literally no reason besides whimsy and folly. me? i've done my time. i've served my sentence. i've spent weeks doing the original burning crusade netherwing dailies. i've devoted days to running praetorium over and over and over again, back-to-back, nonstop, long before square enix cut it in half and made it NOT take at minimum an hour and a half per run. i've perfected my silverwastes + auric basin goldfarming strategies. i've (almost) crafted dragonwrath tarecgosa's rest. i've killed the sha of anger so many times its dying scream of agony is embedded into the very fabric of my being. ""only"" doing making your name content four times over? that is nothing to me. it means nothing to me. it is so infinitesimal i can do the persuasive seduction quests in my sleep. it's not a matter of handling misery, or having the capacity, or even sighing as i remember the brass embassy raid segment of the watchful questline seriously i don't know why i keep forgetting that exists or what even is my problem with it i just am so consistently mildly inconvenienced by it and its highly specific resource requirements and it is the worst thing ever. maybe i'm just so used to the scoundrel's near-infinite money and troves of disposable items that i've completely forgotten what being poor is like. despite having done that step 3 fucking times now. ahem. anyway. i have transcended the feeble mortal bindings of my resistant-to-grinding flesh and ascended to a higher plane of enlightenment, they may call me insane but they will be the ones left laughing when they see what that "insanity" has wrought, i've usurped them, i've usurped them all-

hacks and coughs and awkwardly clears my throat. i mean. uh. um. Ahem.

the empress' court artistry + tales of the university nerfs helped too.

[aiscapades]

girl i had huge crush on in school who was a very good friend to me she's so smart and wonderful and kind just told me she's proud of me for inquiring about a breast reduction i literally started crying what the absolute fuck I'm so gay and so deprived of love in my daily life what the fuck kck .?? HELLO??

[higgs-the-god]

well, im finished writing felvins story, very nearly finished editing, and now the refs are done!!!! were so close yall

[the-judicial-assistants-notebook]

You mentioned how actually endearing and compelling Justine/Verity and John/Shaun's bond is, and BOY I so agree with you. I don't see people talk about them often sadly, but I genuinely think it's one of the strongest parts of the game and its narrative (in particular John's character development itself, despite that he appeared pretty late in the story, his involvement in the final sequence was really tasty. "If I kill someone for revenge I'll end hurting people dear to me, so it all will be pointless" hmmm if there isn't a certain samurai guy in another game who needed to learn this as well... but I digress)

Prosecutor's Gambit's parent/child theme is a pretty heavy handed topic, but it's not like there aren't some really amazing parts in this whole deal! I kinda don't even care about the mastermind as much as I care about John (and Kate Hall for this matter)

THEY ARE SO IMPORTANT TO ME!!!!!! I think much of their appeal comes from Justine's shift in personality after her connection to John is revealed (like her joking about smashing Edgeworth's evidence with her gavel), but also every interaction of theirs is so sweet and lovely.

I love how protective they both are of each other, and it makes all the more sense when you take into consideration that Justine wasn't much older than a child herself when she decided to adopt him. I love how they take care to show that, yes, to an extent, they both do look after each other, but Justine is still very much his mother, and she does her job well. The scenes where she's strict with him are so deeply important to me. You know she studied parenting books and did everything she could to prepare herself for this life. And yeah, John is such a great kid!! Genuinely one of the best parent-child relationships in the series to me.

I found it kind of funny how every other relationship in AAI2 involved a dad HAHA It was so much, but I get it. They really wanted to make sure you got what they were going for, and hey, most people seem to like it. I really liked Gregory's segments, which was a welcomed surprise. I didn't expect to love him as much as I did. And, yeah, the mastermind stuff did not work for me. It's probably because I didn't trust Simeon from the moment I met him (their heavy handedness worked against them in his case for me. They were pushing the idea of him being meek and unassuming too hard; I clocked it immediately as a red herring); but even the overall reveal and final confrontation were, like... eh. okay, then. HAHA The best parts of the game for me were those character interactions with the side character. Wasn't really paying attention to whatever was going on with Simeon and the president, but John, Justine, Sebastian, Katherine, Gregory, and Raymond? My actual world.

Also taking this opportunity to share all the screenshots I took of John and Justine <3 :

[her-canine-teeth]

bad astrology by flower face

< -

[gremzon]

I might have OCD actually

[llitchilitchi]

Commission for @kg-clark-inthedark, portrait of her OC Matheo from her fic Beyond The Spheres

thank you so much!

commission info

[diremoone]

guys stop posting good fics of so many different characters I can’t keep up 😭