#bc our first love was a religious one

[toby-du-coeur]

yes devotion is our love language in so many ways

not romantic not platonic but a secret third thing (so devoted the lines blur)

[chaoticbiguysblog]

For the love of GOD, Tommy Kinnard is not historic lgbt rep. White gay characters with no personality are a dime a dozen on network tv. Even Buck's bisexuality storyline, while is groundbreaking for queer firefighters, it's also not historic since "older guy discovers he's bi" was already done in Crazy Ex Girlfriend. Even Eddie's queer awakening wouldn't be historic, as there have been a few "formerly straight-identifying guys with religious trauma coming out later in their lives" storylines on tv. Not to mention, Michael's journey on 911. 

Now, Buck and Eddie's relationship would ABSOLUTELY be historic lgbt rep bc we've never had a slowburn same sex romance on network tv, especially with two firefighters (don't just take my word for it, go Google and see it for yourself, we don't have anything like that yet), if they were to go canon, they'll certainly create history. As for what we have right now, a boring relationship with the characters saying one or two lines to each other every third episode, is hardly historic.

You wanna know what's 911's contribution in historic lgbt representation, it's our own Henrietta "Hen" Wilson.

A badass lesbian firefighter+paramedic, who's also been an interim captain, she's strong despite the severe workplace discrimination she had to endure and she's a great mother, she almost became a doctor too, what is it that she can't do? As for her relationship, it's one of the three front and center relationships on 911, her wife Karen is a rocket scientist, and one of the most emotionally mature character I've ever seen on tv, and even though their relationship hit a bump in the first season, they managed to get past the cheating and after that they've had a relatively healthy and happy marriage, and we don't see a lot of that on network tv, especially with two Black women. Hen and Karen never get their dues for being a wonderful queer+wlw representation, and it has only gotten worse since EvanTommy fans have joined the fandom.

[rafesangelita]

what do you think would be in each !reader's bags?! <3

₊˚⊹♡ bambi!reader:

the queen of trinkets!! she carries a little sylvanian families’ figurine that reminds her of rafe, two little vials that contain the flowers rafe first picked for her, vanilla lipbalm, her favorite book, a jar full of buttons she swears up and down will come in handy one day (she’s always using them to replace the buttons on rafe’s shirts), change she’s found on the ground, necklace pendant that she lost the chain to, strawberry coin pouch that she ironically doesn’t put to use, earbuds, a little note rafe gave her from when they first started dating, hairbrush, brown floral hair pins, and perfume

₊˚⊹♡ pogue!sweetheart!reader:

lover of all things pink, she carries a pink compact mirror and pressed powder, a small notebook so she could write down orders for anyone who might ask, mini pink hair brush, strawberry shortcake flavored lip gloss (rafe’s personal fave), cardholder that rafe gifted her, cable lock to her camper (rafe is getting the actual lock on her door replaced soon), chocolate macaroon coin pouch she bought from the thrift, pink hairclips, sparkly nail polish, individually wrapped cookies that she gives out (despite rafe eating most of them), silver locket with a picture of her and rafe together <3, a rosary even though she’s not religious she keeps it bc the church she donated baked goods to gave it to her, a dollar folded in the shape of a heart that rafe made for her, vanilla perfume, and her favorite blush

₊˚⊹♡ kook!sweetheart!reader:

our chanel girly <3 she carries a digital camera that rafe can never escape from (he loves it), rhode lip treatment is a must have, small notebook so she could journal wherever she is (and repeatedly write rafe’s name in cursive with a heart at the end), black chanel headband that rafe randomly surprised her with, small makeup bag with all of her essentials, cuticle oil and hand cream so her mani’s always look fresh, polaroid of rafe bc she loves him soooo much, reading glasses, dior keychain (rafe got ‘sweetheart’ engraved on the back), bobby pins because she NEVER has a hair out of place, diy queen has a little altoids box wallet, mascara of course, and a hair bow!

₊˚⊹♡ farmer’s!daughter!reader:

this firecracker carries a pack of marlboro reds (they belong to rafe), her and rafe’s love letters when they had to hide their relationship from her daddy, heart shaped sunglasses of course, a vintage camera that she has no idea how the thing still works, her signature red lipstick, her red apple mascara that she swears by, peppermints because she’s an old soul at heart, a little mixtape that both her and rafe made together so they have something to listen to when they go on their evening drives, red nail polish, bottle caps from her and rafe’s first date, a multi-purpose pocket knife (she can never be too prepared), a wallet that’s older than her, cherry cola lipgloss, a pocket watch her dad gave to her, red gingham hair bow, her fav lana del rey cd (rafe also knows the lyrics word for word), and a box of matches.

₊˚⊹♡ latina!kook!reader:

our sweet angelita carries body glitter (which always ends up rubbing off on rafe), tropical scented perfume, floral hair clips, ALWAYS keeps a pair of sandals to change into when her heels become insufferable, a gifted dior wallet from rafe <3, a seashell that rafe picked up for her, fruity lipgloss, shimmery tanning oil and sunscreen (for rafe mainly lol), traditional fan, pink dior sunglasses, dior highlighter palette, various jewelry, SOMETIMES she’ll pack fruit for her and rafe to snack on when they on an impromptu beach date..

₊˚⊹♡ bitchy!kook!reader:

kildare’s very own regina george carries a powder puff, her signature eyeshadow palette, victoria’s secret card (rafe keeps it loaded at all times), vivienne westwood lighter (for when her and rafe have their little smoke sessions), poison dior perfume that rafe goes absolutely crazy for, dior lip oil, her lucky vintage chanel charm bracelet, touchland hand sanitizer, hair clips, black compact mirror, and a mini makeup bag.

₊˚⊹♡ bitchy!pogue!reader:

this mcbling queen carries her childhood ipod with all of the early 2000’s hits downloaded on it, some earbuds, a flip phone that she uses as her ‘work cell’ (rafe helped her bedazzle it), a hello kitty mirror so she could make sure her makeup is always looking fresh, hello kitty credit card (courtesy of rafe, of course), a stack of her own cash, fluffy tiara she keeps forgetting to take out of her purse, rhinestones she uses as body stickers, pink digital camera (rafe takes all of her insta pics with it), sunglasses she found at the thrift, a vape (she’s just a girl), sparkly lipgloss, and her favorite lashes.

₊˚⊹♡ sheep!reader:

the gentlest thing on kildare island carries a crochet case that she made by herself (she crochets on the golf cart while rafe and topper play on the course), a precious moments figurine, a small tub of cookies for the kids, lemon scented hand cream, patches that she still needs to sew on a pair of jeans, an envelope with rafe’s recent love letter (he writes them everyday and sends them through the mail to be ‘extra’ romantic), a calico critter that was gifted to you from one of the kids at the daycare center you volunteered at once, your fav pink teddy bear, homemade hair bow, a sun hat, and a strip of pictures rafe took at the mall.

[charmedreincarnation]

Hi Maya I was one of your first anons back in March and I manifested my dream life. i just wanted to share some things that helped me, and hope we can all pass some knowledge so we all get our desires life. I did, you did, and everyone reading this can and will so let’s all try to help out by sharing a little of our journey. I’ll never create a blog because tumblr is a mess, so I’ll just share them here bc I trust you as a creator and I hope you agree with what I’m saying. Even if you don’t these are my assumptions and my truth

il get into my methods in one second but users of tumblr there are only 4 THINGS YOU NEED TO KNOW ABOUT THE LAW (Inspired heavily by you bc I used your blog religiously) I will say you’re kind of too nice and I wish I had someone to yell at me like this, and tell me to stop being a victim!!! So if it sounds aggressive it’s because it is in the best loving way possible.OKAY SO.

★you need to understand that you want to fulfill yourself in imagination because you don’t care about the desires only how you feel about it. Bare with me it sounds stupid I know. But I don’t care about men or how they feel about me. I just want to feel worshiped and love, and I could fulfill that in my imagination. I don’t care about money??? It’s fucking paper !!! I just want to feel secure and financially free and want the feeling of buying my favorite clothes without looking at the tag. I GOT THE SAME FEELING FROM PINTREST EVEN WHEN I WAS POOR GODDAMNIT. I didn’t care about getting all As in school when I’ve always believed school is not a representation of intelligence. I wanted to feel recognized adored and respected which I had to feel for myself in my mind before it projected. I don’t care about looking skinny, I just wanted to feel snatched, I wanted to be envied, and feel pretty. And in my mind everyone wanted to be me even when I was ugly and fat. BUT I DIDNT FEEL FAT. Even with no change in the 3D I had my desires. This applies to all your desires, and you really need to understand that.

★you can affirm,visualize, understand states, understand non dualism, use the Bible or Torah m, wall twerk and say “I AM THAT BITXH,” use sats YADADAA . No one cares it doesn’t matter. you don’t have to feel anything or, even believe in wth you’re doing. As long as you think that having it in imagination means it’s yours that’s all that matter. I’ve read so many teachers, Neville, Abraham, Abdullah, Edward art, paid coaches, and they all do different things but say the same thing. FAITH IS KEY. That’s all that matters. Don’t let anyone you otherwise or tell you what you have to do. All teachers were once students, all success stories were once struggled failures, all masters were once lost okay. You are god so have some faith in yourself.

★YOU ARE GOD. You know what a god is, you know how a god works, you know god can do anything with a snap of a finger, kill anyone with a thought, look anyway it wants, have anything everything and create whatever. You are an omnipotent loving creator so create and give yourself everything.

★you can’t over consume, you can think from lack of whatever, and doubt can’t hinder you unless you think it does. Having a desire does not mean you’re lacking or else having the wanting for it would mean that too no? When creators say that I want to slam my head against the wall. Even now I have all my desires and I still think about them constantly. Thinking of new clothes to buy with MY WEALTH, I think of new food to eat that won’t even affect my SNATCHED BODY, i find new places to try and explore bc MY SOCIAL CIRCLE IS HUGE AND IM SO LOVED, I think of new makeup up to try to enhance my GORGEOUS PRINCESS FACE. I think of it in the same way from when I didn’t have my desired (I always had them in imagination but you know what I mean.) so there is no thinking from lack, or else you’re always lacking it lmfao the fuck. Anyways I doubted my abilities up until I manifested my dream life. I was okay with it in imagination and whether it reflected or not it was my escape I was content with. DID YOU SEE THAT. I had doubts up until the very end, and it doesn’t mean shit unless you think it does. Just affirm having doubts and obsessions only speed up your results. That’s really all it is.

Now to my story if anyone cares. I won’t make a blog for reason number 2 and 3 listed above. That’s all you need but if you want more info for curiosity go for it. I know I was curious and that didn’t stop me from getting my dream life. Anyways I have the same story as about everyone else here. My life sucked, I found the law, and it worked! HOORAY!!! But how did I do it???? Easy peasy, in a couple of steps.

☞ I tattooed my four rules above in my mind. When fear and doubt emerged I sunk that shit like the titanic and went with my laws that I created. It’s literally called the law of assumption like come on, stop fighting with yourself when you assume and create reality.

☞I ignored anything that I didn’t agree with. Sometimes I’d get so mad and be like WHAT NO WHY WOULD THAT BLOGGER OR COACH OR ANON or whoever say that?? But am I dumb ??? each of us have our own reality our own bubbles. The fact that it works for them and not for me started to only motivate me more. It doesn’t work bc I assume sooo… sooo why not just assume the opposite and focus on my rules like they did. The law is always in effect and working. Either it’s in your favor or it’s not. It’s up to you

☞I used affirmations bc repetition is the only thing that works for my logical brain. Anything can change with repetition. It’s basic science. So in the morning and night time I would affirm. ONCE. Repetition meant for me doing it everyday and not wanting. The rest of my day was lived in my imaginations. And the affirmation was to remind me in my vulnerable state that I already have my desires. That’s why my affirmation was “I have my desires no matter what, and everything I do brings them to me faster than the speed of light” it was kind of funny and made me chuckle but I accepted it as facts. Look guys…

☞I didn’t repress myself. If I cried or yelled or told myself “FUCK YOU” it wasn’t me tf. It was the devil or something. Be like those Christian fuckers who when their child comes out as gay…it’s the devil within them or whatever. I would talk to myself, yell when doubt emerged and when my thoughts weren’t the ones I wanted. It wasn’t fucking me so get the fuck out I have my desires so who tf are you ??? It will feel weird but you’ll get used to it trust me. If you’re uncomfortable it’s working. Getting rid of bad habits and your comfort in dwelling in bad thoughts is uncomfortable but it’s worth it.

I manifested my dream life back in March. I LITERALLY WOKE WITH MY DREAM LIFE. A complete 180. I won’t talk about my past life bc I completely revised it and I’m the only one who remembers so for the most part it feels like a long nightmare that has past. I’ll just talk about what I changed instead because that’s the stuff we all want to hear. Anyways I’ll just post some of my list here.

♥ my life feels like the song rich kids by freak ocean

♥I’m a pretty spoiled princess who gets everything I want but I’m still kind

♥I revised my entire family from looks to personality to zodiac to religion and etc. i rewrote my story which included my family

♥I have natural admired intelligent

♥my family has a net worth of 500 million dollars, and my entire family stems from old money. (Think aristocrats not slave or colonization money)

♥I can play many instruments and speak many languages

♥ I am 5’2, 100 pounds, I have natural stunning vixen beauty, and the most desires body in the world. I’m the beauty standard and people either want to be me or date me. I am naturally skinny and have no worries about my weight, I have clear skin that only gets clearer with my skincare routine, and I have my desired personality where I’m kind but also don’t put up with any shit from anyone because I know I’m that bitch. I also have great style and embody a princess !

♥my life is a combination of my favorite watpadd stories, Gilmore girls, gossip girl, and mean girls.

♥ too many people pursue me I have too many options

♥I have a perfect school life, social life, family life, friend life, and people always wonder what I did to be “so lucky it’s unfair”

♥my family has multiple mansions in America, monoco,Australia, france, and China.

♥I’m a daddies and mommies money girl

♥I put myself first (I HAD SUFFERED TOO LONG I NEEDED A SOFT LIFE)

♥everyone’s purpose it to make my life easier and make me happier

♥I’m spoiled and privileged in every aspect of my life

♥I’m a master shifter, and manifester

♥I revised my age to 14. I was 18 and graduating but I wanted to redo high school how I had envisioned it all my life

♥I have a “cool mom” people are always jealous how lucky I am

♥I have my main estate in Hollywood hills with my family that’s in a gated, gorgeous, gate kept neighborhood. It is 30,000 sq feet with my dreams decor, dream cars, dream pets, dream house help, dream room with all my stuff saved on Pinterest including decor, furniture, clothes, shoes, makeup and skincare.

♥everything good in my life I have manifested and it’s too much to list. THERES NOT REASON FEAR OR WAIT. Do what you want and assume it still works and it will.

You honestly said it better than I could have. Literally every single one of these points are so valid :)!! I’m glad you think I inspired you love but all I did was allow you recognize your own godly abilities. I’m very proud of you, and have fun girl 🥹❤️

Also. “All teachers were once students, all success stories were once struggled failures, all masters were once lost okay. You are god so have some faith in yourself.” This one million times !!!!! Invest your faith into yourself more than anyone else and you’ll see how fast your reality conforms. I also adore your point about the state of lacking bc I never believed in that. If wanting your desires insinuates it’s not yours, we would have no thoughts since that’s where it all originates from. In fact Edward explains it pretty well.

When Edward looks at lack, he sees it as being something that is only brought about by the individual. He believes that your own actions, thoughts, and attitudes will bring about an artificial scarcity of resources. Edward says that this artificial lack of resources is not actually real—it exists only in our minds, as we focus on the things that we don’t have rather than the things that are available to us.

He believes that true lack only exists when someone has no access to resources—whether those resources be financial, physical, mental, or emotional. When someone has access to resources but they squander them or don’t use them to their advantage, it isn’t a lack of resources that is at fault—it is the individual’s personal choices and attitudes that create the feeling of lack. Same way we see attractive people feel ugly though they have women or men chasing them, modeling opportunities, and experience many examples of pretty privilege lol. You’re a hot girl.. you’re just not using it to your advantage, same way you have everything in imagination and access to anything yet… nothing bc of your own perceptions. That’s not lack. Simply inappropriate usage of recourse. A waste for better use of words.

[ariestrxsh]

𐙚ྀི༘˚⋆𐙚｡⋆𖦹.✧˚, ✮⋆˙𐙚ྀི༘˚⋆𐙚｡⋆𖦹.✧˚, ✮⋆˙𐙚ྀི༘˚

⚠️ content warning: ⚠️ smut, praise, light punishment, spanking, public teasing, religious kink, sexualization of religious imagery, blasphemy, masturbation, fingering, dom!matt, possessive!matt

📝 author's note: 📝 this is part two, and you can access part one here. if you are religious, first of all, why are you reading this? secondly, please don't interact with this post! it will offend you. for those of you who couldn't get enough and asked for a part two, thanks for giving me a reason to write another part, you little freaks, bc i'm honestly in love with this version of matt. 💖

✍️ Summary: ✍️ Matt has convinced you that the only way for you to stay a good, pure Christian girl is to come to him for your sexual urges rather than anyone else. When you approach him for help again, he teaches you a little trick to keep you satisfied until the next time he sees you.

𐙚ྀི༘˚⋆𐙚｡⋆𖦹.✧˚, ✮⋆˙𐙚ྀི༘˚⋆𐙚｡⋆𖦹.✧˚, ✮⋆˙𐙚ྀི༘˚

coming down part two

"Matt, I'm getting that urge again," I told him, biting my lip and looking down at my feet as we stood underneath the same oak tree as last week. It was Wednesday, and we agreed that would be our meeting spot every week before service. "Meet me at my car after the sermon," Matt responded, tilting my chin up towards him with a long, slender finger. "You're such a good girl for coming to me. I know just how to satisfy your urges."

The whole time the preacher had the stage, I couldn't focus on what he was saying. My head buzzed with thoughts of Matt, the feeling of my hands in his hair while he ate me out, the sounds he made when he filled me, the way his voice got really low and raspy when he called me princess.

I held my Bible over my crossed legs and pressed my thighs together over and over as discreetly as I could to feel something, anything. And I prayed to God that no one would notice. Every once in a while, my eye would catch Matt's from across the room, and we'd share a quick but lustful look. I could tell we were both struggling to pay attention to the lesson.

Once service ended, I skipped off towards Matt's car. The air outside was warm, but there was a light breeze, and the sunset looked like cotton candy.

Matt beat me to the parking lot, and when we saw each other, he was leaning up against the hood of his car, biting his lip and smiling at me. He held the door open for me and extended his hand out for me to grab it, and when I did, he kissed the back of my hand. "You look so pretty in that polka dot dress," he said to me, making me blush. What a gentleman.

Matt got into the driver's seat, and before turning on the car, he glanced over at me. "Were you squeezing your thighs together in church on purpose?" He asked, his eyes narrowing and a smile forming on his lips. "I couldn't help it. I feel all wet and tingly down there," I said, embarrassed. "I didn't think anyone would notice."

"That was very naughty of you, princess, but don't worry. I don't think anyone did. I only noticed because I couldn't keep my eyes off you," Matt responded, tracing circles on my thigh with his fingertips. I breathed out a sigh of relief.

"You know, you can't be having naughty thoughts about me in church, pretty girl. I'm gonna have to teach you a lesson," Matt told me. "A lesson? What kind?" I asked, a mixture of fear and excitement in my voice. "You're gonna have to sit tight and find out," Matt said, turning the key in the ignition.

I'd never been to Matt's house, but I assumed that's where we were going. He looked over at me every few minutes as he drove, and at stop lights, he'd lean over and kiss me.

Once we pulled up to his house, he parked in the driveway and told me, "Nick and Chris are stopping for food on their way home, so we have some time, but not much.

I found myself in Matt's bedroom. He was clean and neat, and the lighting in his room was soft and not too bright. "Come here, angel. I have to give you a little punishment for getting all hot and bothered during the service," he smirked at me. My heart started to pound, and I swallowed hard. I didn't want to be punished. But I knew it was in my best interest to listen to him. "This is gonna hurt me more than it's gonna hurt you," he said sternly.

"Bend over," he ordered me, and he bent me over his knee and lifted up my dress, exposing my bottom. "Were you trying to tease me, princess? In the middle of church?" Matt cooed, rubbing gentle circles on my bottom. "No, I wasn't. I didn't mean for anyone to see," I whined.

"Do you have any idea how hard you made my cock?" Matt asked, talking through his teeth and I felt a loud slap! on my ass. I cried out in shock. "Take your punishment, princess," he smacked it again.

I wasn't sure what was wrong with me, but I liked it. Why did I like being punished if it was supposed to be a bad thing?

"What were you thinking about anyway, huh? Was it my cock? Or my tongue?" Matt whispered as his hand came down one more time, leaving another red hand mark. "Both," I admitted. "Next time you misbehave like that, it's five spankings," he warned me.

"I'm sorry, Matt. I didn't mean to," I looked down in shame once he was done. "I forgive you, princess. We all make mistakes, but our actions have consequences. Next, let's get you out of those pretty panties, and why don't you come sit on my lap," Matt replied. I did as he said, slid out of my lacey undergarments, and I sat on his lap with his right knee between my legs.

"Oh, sweetheart. Look at how wet you are. Is that from me punishing you? You liked it, didn't you? He cooed, spreading it open and peering down at my glistening pussy. Matt started teasing my slit with his fingers. I bit my lip, our eyes met, and I nodded at him. "Good girl. You took your punishment so well," he slipped a finger into my pussy and started pumping in and out gently.

I inhaled sharply, and I looked at him wide-eyed. I thought I had already experienced everything with Matt, but no one had ever put their fingers there, and it felt incredible.

"How's that feel?" He asked. "Like heaven," I answered, leaning back into him and rolling my eyes towards the back of my head. As I laid back into him, I could feel something poking me in his pants, and it just kept getting bigger and harder. He put in a second finger. "Oh, Matt," I whimpered, smiling at him. He watched my facial expressions intently while he played around with the pace at which he was moving his fingers in and out of me. I felt myself getting wetter by the second.

"Do you ever play with yourself, princess?" Matt inquired while a pool of wetness formed on Matt's leg from what he was doing to me. "I mean, I've tried, but I've never successfully finished," I nervously bit my lip while I stifled a whimper. "Show me how you do it, baby," he whispered.

With his fingers still inside of me, I started running the pads of my fingers over my folds, and it felt alright, but not as mind-blowing as when Matt played with me. "Do you remember that little spot right here?" Matt said, brushing over my clit with his thumb. "That's the sweet spot, princess. Start rubbing yourself there," Matt told me. He was such a good teacher.

It immediately started feeling even better when I took his advice and started touching that special spot. "Now play around with the technique. I think you like slow circles, but with a lot of pressure," he whispered. I did as he said, and boy, was he right. "Oh my goodness. That's amazing," I gasped. "Mmm. Good girl. You learn so fast," Matt whispered into my ear.

"That's how you masturbate, princess. But just because I showed you doesn't mean you can go doing it at church," Matt teased me. "You should only do this when you're by yourself or with me, and you should only ever think about me when you do it, okay?" He looked into my eyes to make sure I understood. "Yes, Matt," I nodded. "And just because I showed you this, doesn't mean you shouldn't still come to me when you need to be taken care of," he smiled at me, "just a little trick for when you're desparate."

He started finger fucking me a little faster, and I felt myself on the brink of another explosion happening. I continued to rub my clit in a circular motion like Matt had showed me. "Just relax into it, princess. Take slow, deep breaths," Matt whispered into my neck as I came undone around his digits.

I did as he told me, and I swear, purposely slowing down my breath added a whole new dimension to the rhythmic current of pleasure that overtook me. Time seemed to stop for just a moment, and I got lost in the sensual gratification I'd been mentally chasing since the last time Matt had me unraveling under his touch.

I came down from my orgasm like a feather floating to the ground, and a warm buzz lingered over my body for several minutes after I came. "Do you wanna know what you taste like?" Matt asked me, and I made an unsure face at him, but he held his fingers up to my lips, and I gently sucked on them. "Hmm. Tastes kinda weird," I told him. Matt licked his fingers clean while he looked at me, "I think you taste so sweet, princess."

Once we were finished, Matt helped me back into my panties. Then he changed his pants and gently teased me about the wet spot I made on his knee. "You were such a good girl for me today," he smirked. "Don't you want me to take care of you?" I asked, batting my eyelashes at him. "Of course I do, sweetheart, but I've gotta get you home and go pick up my brothers. What really matters is that we get you off. We can take care of me next week," he sweetly responded. "Matt, I can't wait until next Wednesday. I need you sooner than that," I whined desperately.

"Meet me under the oak tree on Sunday after church, princess," he brushed his thumb against my cheek while he looked at me with his blue eyes full of lust and hunger. "Let's get you home safe and sound, angel."

taglist: @ariithereyet @bsturnzmtt @sturnzluv @sturniolo-girl @strnlxlqve @sofieeeeex

(I kept the taglist short because I'm not sure if everyone who asked to be on my taglist wants to read this blasphemy, lol)

part three posted here 💖

[certifiedposeidonhater]

PERCY JACKSON HEADCANONS!! (i have a very, very, VERY long series of these on my tiktok so i’ve decided im gonna start posting them here!)

this is gonna be the first part! i’m gonna do like 20-25 each part. (there’s a lot…) just a reminder to pretty please be respectful and kind. i love hearing different opinions and explaining why i think the things that i do or my reasoning behind these, but if you are rude or mean, im just gonna shut you down. if you want to RESPECTFULLY discuss our different opinions, i would LOVE to!! 💙

alrighty, here goes (why am i lowkey nervous?):

1. So, you know how aphrodite children know French bc it’s like the language of love? Percy knows a lot of island/oceanic languages that are native to island cultures (e.g. Māori, Tahitian, Samoan, etc.) because…poseidon.

2. Percy bottles up all of his emotions until he eventually has a mental breakdown where he lays in bed for a few days and completely isolates himself from all his friends and family. He kinda just pops back up when he’s done and acts like nothing happened. None of his friends or family really have the heart to bring it up, and if they do, he’ll just dismiss it and shut down.

3. He physically cannot eat when someone is upset at him or he’s upset at somebody else (he’s usually upset at himself.)

4. Percy and the aphrodite cabin were kinda friends. Especially him and Drew and him and Silena. I don’t know why but it just makes sense. They have weekly gossip sessions. The aphrodite cabin were the only campers (well mostly Silena but still) who didn’t avoid or ignore Percy once he got claimed. Silena and Beckendorf took him in and became almost parental figures.

5. Percy once got in an argument with his dad so he drove himself to a nearby church and got himself baptized at a local church to spite his dad (which i feel like kinda cancels out the whole point of the baptism but whatever.) His mom also got him baptized when he was a baby because she was annoyed at poseidon and also bc she grew up in a kinda religious household. (‘Cause i’m pretty sure that Sally was from Texas and so it fits the region.)

6. He’s not white. He’s actually Hispanic/Portuguese. It fits the majority of the ethnicity census in the area where he grew up so it’s very likely. Plus (other than Walker) i lowkey cannot imagine Percy as white.

7. He has nightmares from seeing himself from another point of view and seeing how scary he is. (He’s scared of himself. (He sees himself as Luke.))

8. Gods and goddesses used to visit Percy as a kid and just kinda chat him up and hang around him a bit. He would literally just randomly be sitting on the subway and suddenly Iris pops up and starts talking to him, and Percy being the 8 yo kid he is, he starts talking back and suddenly it’s a full-blown conversation.

9. He has a special spot that he used to go to with Beckendorf. They found it while they were searching for something for one of Beckendorfs projects. It’s like a little pond somewhere in the forest, super remote. Percy still goes there whenever he’s at camp and it reminds him of Beckendorf.

10. He has the ability to see the past through water. Like how water can collect energy? Like that science thingy where energy can kinda collect in water? Well, Percy can use his powers to kind of bring the past to life based on what has happened near the water. (e.g. he could use the water in the creek to create like a mist version of the things that happened there. Like his claiming. think Frozen II)

11. When he was a kid, g*be used to kick Percy out on the streets. He would be supposed to be taking care of Percy when Sally was at work and he would just make Percy go outside for hours at a time no matter what the weather was. Even if it was a blizzard and Percy didn’t have a jacket, Percy was outside.

12. g*be has broken Percy’s arm (multiple times) and he told everyone it was from falling down the stairs of his apartment complex. It never healed right either so his right arm is a little funky.

13. He’s left handed.

14. Percy has tried to off himself. But that’s also canon so like-

15. Percy dissociates a lot. It happened more when he was a kid but it started up again after the first war. He will dissociate for hours and no one knows how to get him out of it. It stresses Annabeth out SO MUCH.

16. He developed an eating disorder where he hated himself so much that whenever he ate, his mind would hyperfixate and overthink about that hatred and how much of a terrible person he was to the point he would throw up everytime he ate. Restricting what he eats also helps him feel in control of his life, and he gets so little control that the feeling of starving himself became almost euphoric.

17. He HATES pigeons and squirrels (it’s irrational.)

18. He’s fluent in Spanish and Portuguese. and some Italian bc of g*be and bc he grew up around the Italian mafia.

19. He knows A LOT of random facts about random local places without ever being there. It rlly impressed Annabeth when she started talking abt some cool architectural thing and Percy was js like “oh yeah, i know all about that!” he’s never been to half of them, but he knows about it.

20. His New York accent was *super* noticeable when he was a kid and he got bullied for it, so he started hiding it and does it subconsciously even though he knows his friends wouldn’t make fun of him. It still comes out when he’s tired, stressed, or emotional.

21. He code switches.

22. Percy hates Boston and New Jersey

23. He isn’t patriotic at all but the SECOND someone starts talking bad abt nyc he is ON IT. Same with if a European (mainly a British person) says something bad about America, he starts becoming Alexander Hamilton. He suddenly LOVES his country and that country’s culture.

Hope yall enjoy! I’m just posting old ones from tiktok so i have them backed up on somewhere and to get the people on tumblr caught up and there will be more soon 🤗🤗 If yall have any questions or anything, PLEASE ask me! I love talking to people about this stuff!

[jariten]

2024 Year roundup! (Part 1)

As usual I won't write up anything for titles already featured in a monthly roundup unless I've read more volumes since then.

じゃあ、あんたが作ってみろよ (Jaa, Anta ga Tsukuttemiro yo), Natsuko Taniguchi

あかり (Akari), Marco Kohinata

A子さんの恋人 (A-ko san no Koibito), Akino Kondoh

平家物語夜異聞 (Heike Monogatari Yoru-kun no Hanashi), Fuyuko Kurosaki

多聞くん今どっち!? (Tamon’s B-Side), Yuki Shiwasu [Trans. Amanda Haley]

三文小説集 (Sanmon Shousetsushuu), Tamaki Segawa

ボールアンドチェイン (Ball and Chain), Minami Q-ta

ひらやすみ (Hirayasumi), Keigo Shinzo [Trans. Jan Mitsuko Cash]

In my quest to find high school romcoms to fill the gap Kieta Hatsukoi left I followed my fascination with fictional idols. Concepts like Uta no Prince-sama and Idolmaster is interesting in how they produce idols and an alternative form of idol otaku culture, but what about fiction that aim to be relatable but also wish fulfillment to those who are deep into stan culture, or its Japanese equivalent: Oshi-culture (Oshi more or less being the Japanese equivalent of a Bias). Tamon's B-side begins when our heroine Utage, who has a near religious love for her bias: the wild and fanservice-y Tamon of F/ace, not only forms a direct and personal relation to him, she not only learns that his private self is a self-hating, gloomy, near suicidal at all times young man who despite his massive popularity believes himself to be nothing more than a mold spore infecting the earth. Utage is determined to make the people's prince gain confidence and stop wanting to leave this mortal coil at any given time. The series manages to capture the fearsome consumerist machine that fans participate in, the elaborate social codex they operate under, but also captures the conflicting nature of romantic fantasies involving your bias. Because in oshi culture your oshi belongs to no one but the fans as a collective. And whats a religious zealot to do when her deity gets attached to her. All while being a really fun comedy that plays on exaggerated slapstick and emotional extremes. Really hoping the anime adaption brings some fun music to go along with the series bc the official stan twitter accounts are already so fun.

I need to paraphrase a short review I saw for Sanmon Shousetsushuu: "I thought the lady novelist was pretty nasty but the guy is a piece of work himself". Imagine watching your father die a really horrible death, but the way he died is so ridiculous your trauma is never taken seriously. Our protagonist has been a laughing stock his whole life because of his failed comedian father whose life ends with a failed stunt in an aquarium shark tank. But one night he hooks up with a woman who rather than laugh at his story cries. She disappears in the night and years later he finds out she has made a whole career off of his life story. This begins a twisted love/hate affair between the eccentric novelist and a "wild dog". Love nasty adult romances where neither party needs each other for anything but still can't leave each other alone I think there's something beautiful in that. The included one-shot while a bit saccharine with its conclusion I also found pretty satisfying in its portrayal of twisted attachments.

And want to report that Ball and Chain (first chapter has been scanlated!!) as well as Hirayasumi are not losing steam after the great first volumes for each series. Can't wait to read more in 2025!!

[tothewheel]

fic recs

aka, i read too much fic and need to share my favorites

gorging myself on you, still can't get enough (insatiable) - sobsicles

i love this so much. casual confessions from dean. insanely horny and conflicted cas. grocery store confessions <3

rating: M

how we're stuck in entropy - shineforthee

unfinished as of now, but worth it imo. sam makes a deal for cas' life and dean has to grapple with grief and mourning. amazing commentary on grief and dean's mindset, and great destiel

rating: E

don't stop, don't slow - hedderstheowl

trans cas and cas being so surprised by how good sex is with someone he loves

rating: E

love's such an old fashioned word. - hedderstheowl

same author as above bc i cant get enough of their fics. i LOVED this concept and characterization of cas. cas gets revived but doesnt believe hes out of the empty, and treats the world around him accordingly.

rating: E

ignite your bones - ilovehowyouletmefall

such powerful storytelling and writing. loved this front to cover. dean kills sam to get the world back- the remaining of tfw 2.0 grapple with the after effects. dean deals with grief, homophobia, and cas' confession.

rating: E

this whole trilogy but namely sam winchester, ally at law - alittleduck, amidsizedfrog

sam wants to be an ally soooo bad but dean refuses to be an acceptable queer. love this characterization so much

rating: T

the cheapest room in the house - biggaybenny

dean downloads grindr for cas to meet guys and gets jealous when cas talks to guys. angst with a happy ending

rating: E

psalm 40:2 - unicornpoe

cas time travels to meet dean pre-hell. pre and early seasons dean my beloved <3

rating: E

benedictions - kalmialatifolia

priest cas and writer dean. unfinished but i think about this fic at least 3x a week. if you enjoy fleabag, youll enjoy this fic. if you enjoy priest porn, youll enjoy this fic. cannot recommend this enough

rating: E

everyone knows the year doesnt stop until april- fleeceframe

first of all, go check out this author right now i love ALL their fics, but this one stuck with me. early seasons destiel. cas has so much love he doesnt know what to do with it. case fic

rating: M

gold in the edges of our vision - sewingnatural

i fucking love this so much. absolutely amazing religious imagery and symbolism. dean and cas share peaches on a roadtrip and are in love about it. fic that convinced me to go on a roadtrip this summer

rating: T

juxtaposition - rhinestoneangels

this fic is short and amazing. interesting prose, dean in hell, religious imagery. mwah love it

rating: G

where the heart is - goldenraeofsun

claire fic of all time if i do say so myself. claire time travels to s7 and hunts with dean before making her way home. i adore this one so much

rating: M

here, bullet, here - a_good_soldier

dean and his relationship with violence. contains pre series dean and post-canon destiel. named from a poem, this one hits you right in the heart

rating: T

use cinderblocks to build a stairway - pollutedstar

dean, sex work, ptsd, and self worth. heed the tags!! heavy fic but thoroughly enjoyable

rating: M

the soul burns brighter than the sun - wow_thisiswheremylifeis

post-canon fix it. cas escapes the empty and effectively breaks it, while telling everyone but dean that hes alive. they grapple with their relationship and fixing the empty. love it!!!

rating: E

let's take a drive - sobsicles

another sobsicles fic because theyre all 10s. jack reverts to baby age, cas is protective, dean and cas have a complicated relationship. amazing fic with amazing feels. best tag ever: maybe we're all a little scared and that's okay

rating: E

the eye is a mouth. - zeke21

dean, sex work, god, a study on the relationship between all three. fucking amazing fic, really nailed chuck's presence in this. go check out this authors other works too, they're all mind blowing

rating: E

asterism of an f-series ford pick up - disabled_dean

altered my brain chemistry a little bit i think. cas and dean go on a roadtrip and dean is exceptionally horny about it. dean is not normal about love and thats okay

rating: M

maybe i like pleasure pain - tothewillofthepeople

another one that wrecked me entirely. one of the best cas centric fics out there, this fic focuses on cas' recovery post-empty. lovely dialogue and imagery, just amazing all around

rating: M

wyoming, january 1996 - luulapants

THEE dean 17th birthday case. fucking amazing storytelling, takes johns journal entry and runs with it.

rating: T

between sex and death and trying to keep the kitchen clean - ftmsteverogers

jupernatural, kid jack, post-canon fix it with empty confession misunderstanding <3 love it so much, this author is so talented :)

rating: E

[lees-chaotic-brain]

rating things my classmates said/did after my dad died! (feat. class 1-a)

cw: mentions of death obviously, you're a member of class 1-a, crack, hurt/comfort, reader is religiously ambiguous, implied depression ig, some angst but mostly crack

note: guys i swear it's okay to laugh at this! i did!! some may say it's too soon but humor is how i cope and i missed writing so when this little idea invaded my brain while i was rewatching bhna (it's my comfort show) i couldn't resist

blog navigation | bhna masterlist

ochako: “if you believe in heaven i would offer to use my quirk on you so you could float up to heaven and visit your dad but i doubt they'd let you in anyways”

9/10

low key made me giggle

iida overheard and was horrified.

izuku: “i'm so sorry for your loss. if you ever need to talk i’m here. i know it’s not the same at all but my dad wasn’t around while i was growing up so i can kinda understand. not that i’m saying you have to talk to me because of that or that i understand or that we should make a dead/missing dad club oh my god i need to stop talking i’m so sorry i’ll leave you alone now bye please tell me if you need anything!” *scurries away*

11/10

sweet cinnamon roll 🥹

we should fs make a dead/missing dads club

todoroki: “i’m so sorry for your loss. if i could make my father trade places with yours i would do it in a heartbeat. unrelated, i heard you and midoriya are starting a dead/missing dads club. may i join? mine is dead to me.”

8/10

right idea i guess 😭😭

it was going so well during the first sentence too…

ps ofc you can join our club

bakugou: stormed into my room and violently ripped me from my depression burrito and dragged me downstairs to force feed me a warm home cooked meal bc he knew i hadn’t left my bed or eaten in the last 24 hours

6/10

i always knew you cared abt me us blasty 🥹🥰

the food was delicious but plz be more gentle abt it next time king 🙏

mineta: “yo your mom is a total milf.”

numbers don’t go low enough to express my feelings towards this one

like at my father’s funeral?? the AUDACITY

jirou: spent hours searching for a very specific song my dad sang to me when i was little and actually found it bc she found m crying bc i couldn’t find it and i wanted to hear it again

♾️/10

i actually love you so much

you have no idea how much this meant to me ❤️

aoyama: stuffed cheese into my mouth while i was crying in my depression burrito

-3/10

wtf man that was actually more traumatizing

it wasn’t even parmesan or brie

tokoyami: went on a long spiel about how we are all destined for the Great Darkness then abruptly ended by saying he was sorry for my father’s early departure and disappearing back into his room

7/10

i think you were trying to make me feel better so i appreciate the effort. i am a little confused tho

kiri: ask me if i wanted a hug. when i started crying he started tearing up too then gave me one of the best bear hugs i’ve ever gotten

20/10

super manly dude. i really needed it at the moment and appreciated it ❤️

gonna end this here. i had a few more but i felt like these were the best ones. not tagging anyone since this is like a personal self comfort one lol

THAT DOESN’T MEAN I DON’T WANT YOU GUYS TO LAUGH OR TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK. TRUST IT WILL MAKE ME FEEL BETTER

[kdogreads]

Hiii I loved "Dove" it was.so beautiful, could you do another one like this but with just fluff? Maybe like om the day Bobby or Jax died or something 🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼 I love your style of writing, like you can really picture everything!!

This whole scene played out in my head. Thank you so much for your kind words 🥹🥹 I’ve been in a writing slump and this pulled me out. Big fan of you!! 🫶🌞💓

I think I’m gonna stop doing specific tags bc I never know where my brain is going to take me lol but this one has hurt/comfort, death, little religious talk, overall nothing too graphic but be gentle to yourself💕

Filip “Chibs” Telford x f!reader (but no descriptions given! I just generally write for f!readers 🫶)

You didn’t bother putting away your shoes, or even your husband’s worn leather cut. They lay on the table by the door where you discarded them a few minutes ago. You’d just arrived home from the wake and burial of Jax Teller.

The two of you didn’t speak for the first few minutes of being home. Filip slipped into your bedroom to change out of his funeral clothes and you put a pot of coffee on, knowing your husband needed you. He needed to let all of the hurt out that he’d been holding in. “The boys need me to be whole, Love. If I falter, they crack,” He insisted this morning. It broke your heart, but you knew he was right.

Filip rounded the corner into your small kitchen just as you brought two mugs to the table. He sat, took a sip of coffee, and looked at his hands. You knew he would talk when he was ready, so you sat in a patient silence.

“I… I can’t keep burying my brothers… sons,” He mutters, eyes still cast down away from your own, “I don’t… It’s like my own boy is gone, Dove.”

You reached out to take his hand, the silent gesture causing Filip to draw his eyes up to yours. They were red-rimmed and wet, tears streaming unashamedly down his scarred cheeks.

The pain on his face pulls you out of your chair and towards Filip. You wrap your arms around his trembling shoulders and press him to your chest. He buries his face into your skin and lets out a sob that stabs you right in your gut.

“I know, baby,” You run your fingers through his graying hair, tears of your own rolling hot down your neck, “He’s with God now, with Tara and Opie, Bobby… Thomas.”

His body wracked with sobs into your chest, the pain from so much loss finally catching up to him. As President of the MC, Filip has to be calm, rational in the face of danger and tragedy. He buried it all deep down in his soul, covered into duct tape and barbed wire to keep it locked away. He rarely gets to let it out, so you just held him there for a while, grateful to be his escape, his comfort.

Though you’d never been particularly religious, you know Filip’s Catholic roots run deep, so you begin a quiet prayer you know will bring him peace, “Our Father, Who art in Heaven, hallowed be Thy name…”

He joined you in the ancient prayer, whispering silent pleas afterwards that didn’t quite catch. Filip kept his arms wrapped snuggly around your waist as his breath began to even out. After a moment he lifted his head to kiss your lips softly.

“I love you so, my Dove,” He pulled you into his lap and you nuzzle your face comfortably against his neck, “I prayed you never leave me.”

The honesty in his voice dropping a pit into your stomach.

“I’m right here, baby,” You whisper into this ear, tears of your own streaming down your cheeks, “I’m not going anywhere.”

He cupped his calloused hands around your face and just held you for a moment, like he was memorizing all the things he loved about your face. Just in case.

You kiss him softly again after a few beats, then settle comfortably into his hold — strong arms wrapped around your waist keeping you close.

You’re not sure how long goes by — long enough for your coffee to get cold — but Filip finally takes a deep breath and pats your lower back. A soft “c‘mon, love,” fills your ears and you lift your body off of his.

The coffee pot and cups will be there in the morning, you think to yourself, right you just want to be there for your man, so that’s what you do.

———————

Short and sweet 🥰 more Chibs delulus here: masterlist

[lipslikethegardensofbabylon]

#ttpd analysis day fourteen - The Smallest Man Who Ever Lived

i'm gonna be honest with you this was the hardest song to dissect because every time i listen to it the bridge makes me lose my mind. it has the same addictive pull as the bridge of Would've, Could've, Should've, Cruel Summer, Getaway Car. it's SO good, imo one of her best bridges ever written.

i first want to comment on in your Jehovah's Witness suit which is again another lol-lyric moment, but in a big brain connection i saw that @thisisctrying pointed out that he was essentially selling her a religion. i love this bc it continues the religious imagery of Guilty As Sin?

you hung me on your wall, stabbed me with your push pins makes me think of a couple of different things - image wise, it makes me think of pinning a map up on a wall, marking places that you’ve been (also a hint of carve your name into my bedpost ≠ i'm just a notch in your bedpost, but you're just a line in a song (from FOB)). it also makes me think of pierced through the heart but never killed. the other connection that comes up is to “put a pin in it” means to save something for later, typically to postpone something useful but not for immediate use. this meaning feels more likely given the subsequent were you a sleeper cell spy? in fifty years, will all this be declassified?

the bridge just goes so hard, I’m obsessed. there are a few callbacks to previous work but to me this bridge is on mtr echelon:

the betrayal in did you sleep with a gun underneath our bed? is so good. esp given how she historically describes her bed/room as a safe space - turned my bed into a sacred oasis/drew a map on your bedroom ceiling/the warmest bed I’ve ever known

the gun weapon of choice is also interesting to me considering she’s also discussed daggers and poison, and a gun specifically has to be loaded. it makes me think of memories feel like weapons/we gather stones, never knowing what they'll mean, some to throw, some to make a diamond ring

the line were you writing a book? IMMEDIATELTY made me think of so I'll go back to L.A. and the so-called friends who'll write books about me, if I ever make it which is especially painful i think for the narrator. they’ve historically said “I struggle a lot with the idea that my life has become unmanageably sized,” she continued. “Not to sound too dark, but I just struggle with the idea of not feeling like a person.” and this lyric does exactly that - it reduces the person to a product, a story to be sold for a profit.

to end, the lyric and in plain sight you hid but you are what you did and I'll forget you, but I'll never forgive gives me such chills. i saw someone share that they had a history of abuse and that lyric made them feel so validated. there’s just something so haunting and angry but beautiful about it.

[best-overplayed-song]

As someone who never understood the hype around Take Me To Church and keeps forgetting that song even exists, can I ask the fans what exactly it is you like about that song? Because my current hypothesis is that yall were around 14 when it came out and music just hits different when you're 14. What else is there to like, genuinely

I try to stay unbiased here but Hozier is one of the only musicians I allow myself to be pretentious about, so before i info dump about why i love take me to church here's some other hozier songs you should give a shot:

francesca [i'd go through hell again just to hold you one more time], nina cried power [song about activism and black activists], swan upon leda [about the violence of colonialism, misogyny, and religious bigotry], eat your young [about the violence of war, capitalism, and generational trauma], movement, to noise making (sing), shrike, NFWMB [sexy], sunlight

anyway take me to church is so much more than just “loving you is like church”. he starts off by telling us how happy his lover makes him, despite constantly being told by The Church he was born sick and his happiness is a result of sinful behavior. he rejects the religion being forced on him, because unlike christianity, his church doesn't force him to accept absolution to reach heaven ("my church offers no absolutes / she tells me, 'worship in the bedroom' / the only heaven I'll be sent to / is when i'm alone with you"). the last two lines of the first verse-- "i was born sick, but i love it / command me to be well"-- questions why a god would create us to be inherently sick only to punish us for being sick.

i see the the chorus as a smart-ass comparison of his relationship to christianity. The Church expects him to blindly worship their lies and confess his sins, which he knows will be used against him ("take me to church / i'll worship like a dog at the shrine of your lies / i'll tell you my sins and you can sharpen your knife"), but he's supposed to accept this and devote his life to God so he can get to heaven ("offer me that deathless death / oh good god, let me give you my life"). by offering to do this for his lover, he's equating their love to religion.

in the second verse, he reiterates that he worships his lover with a metaphor ("if i'm a pagan of the good times / my lover's the sunlight"). the subtle remark of referring to the ancient practice of paganism as "the good times" comments on the colonization and forced conversion of ireland by christian england, which criminalized paganism. immediately after stating how his lover demands a sacrifice, he hungrily eyes the high horse The Church sits on, and questions what power they have over him and his people ("that's a fine lookin' high horse / what you got in the stable? / we've a lot of starving faithful"). this could also be a reference to the irish potato famine, which was not a result of drought, but of english lords forcing the irish to turn over their entire crop to send to england.

then we get the most poetic description of sex i've ever heard: "no masters or kings when the ritual begins / there is no sweeter innocence than our gentle sin / in the madness and soil of that sad earthly scene / only then, i am human / only then, i am clean". fuck man

a lot of gay people with religious trauma love this song bc of everything i described above. also, it's a fuckin banger.

and yes i was 14 when it came out. what about it

[charmedreincarnation]

I finally manifested my dream life: this ask is sent June 1st 2023

This ask wont be long bc I’m ready to experience my dream life 😊but I was the anon who entered the void pretty much everyday but was scared of the void and change. I also felt bad that not everyone knew about the law and it wasn’t fair. I sent a bunch of bloggers asks about overcoming that, but you and @fleurlx gave me the best answer and eased my worries.

I used the yoga nidra mediation and practiced with they bc with my religious and ethnic background (Indian) it was something I used on a weekly basis anyways.

I manifested my entire notes list which I will dot down here 👇

🧿being the beauty standard for Indian people (ex’s great yes we are all beautiful of course

🧿wealth for my family and myself,(we are hectamillionaires) my df and body, desires aura personality vibes and more, dream life in every aspect like my favorite shows and movies, lucky girl syndrome in every part of my life, everyone worshiping me and the ground I walk on, dream sp with a family who loves

🧿open minded family who encourages and loves my spiritual practices and engage with them as well. This one is super dope bc even though we’re still Hindu, we all manifest and know we’re God. Just like the ants on the floor, they are God and loved too. With this we manifest for each other which is fun! My older sister manifested a fairy friend, and I manifested being able to talk and understand trees and plants. Yes they speak and have life too. What makes us more superior or alive than them

🧿quantum immortality and being a master of all spiritual and Neville related practices. I want to elevate myself with all my lives, in my next ones in the next cycle of my life, whether I’m this vessel or not.

🧿being able to see my spirit guide when I call to it. Mine is a PegasusX tree X human hybrid, and it’s always protecting me l, warning me, educating me of all.

🧿telekinesis 3) and more I won’t talk about bc not everything needs to be said out loud. Good luck everyone and we all have access to this wonderful power, our birth right to be precise

I’m so proud of your shared experiences and unlimited beliefs. Actually when I would first imagine my spirit guide I would always get an image of a Pegasus and I’ve found that a lot of people have the shared mental belief which is very connecting and dope. I’m also really glad for your family manifestations ! You deserve to explore your spiritual happily and safely while being encouraged!!!

[noihavenosanitythanksforasking]

tldr: the story of how i figured out im gay and why i relate to byler so much. aka why its good rep

this was not supposed to be this long

my best friend doesnt like stranger things bc she thinks the metaphorical texture of the show is gross feeling(valid) but she follows me on here and has had to block the byler tag bc its all i post about these days and shes not into it.

anyways it made me think about why i love byler so much and it definitely has to do with the fact that as a queer person i relate super heavily to their story. being gay is way more acceptable now and i was born in 07 so its not like its was considered a death sentence to be gay in general. however i grew up in the classical church. my mom was part of a religious cult in highschool and i was my parents first kid and they were super protective of me. Im also autistic and i spent most of my childhood very worried about doing and acting the right way to make people accept me. my parents favorite story to tell people about my childhood is that when i finally graduated my crib and got a toddler bed they were worried that i would never let them sleep again. that didnt happen tho, in fact i refused to get out of bed with out express permission and would lay there until they came told me i could get up.

id like to say that i was homophobic growing up but not in the traditional sense. it was more that i was actually afraid of gay people. No one around me ever really said anything blatantly homophobic or had radical ideas about the subject but we were so deep into the church and i was always afraid of everything. when i was in elementary school we would do drills. call and response cult like stuff. theyd ask us to define sin and wed spout off this memorized line about going agaisnt gods will in action or thought or intention. i didnt even know what a gay meant until i got to middle school and the entire idea terrified me. because thats not allowed and when someone brings it up all the adults get that one look on their face and the pastor says that homosexuality is a sin or wtv.

i had this one friend, lets call her jane, at the time. i really liked her but she was kind of a delinquent, she didnt have the best home life and she was kind if an angry kid so when she came out to our friend group as bisexual in i think 7th grade, we (the rest of the group was v religious ) were concerned about it but not really surprised. we werent supportive but we werent angry either. it was more like we werent sure what to do. she had always been a problem child so it didnt seem to out of the blue for someone like her to like girls so we just kind of tried not to talk about it again.

I was a pretty big drama kid at the time( still am) (i swear i have a point to this) and i became friends with this one girl. lets call her belle. anyways i reallllyyyy liked belle i dont think i had a crush on her but i thought she was really cool and fun and liked hanging around her. we werent really close much to my past and present dismay but when i did hang out with her i always had a fun time. a few years later she told me that she was bisexual. this pretty much broke my little brain. because belle was cool and fun and normal and it was the first time when i realized that maybe there was something wrong with the way my church worked. they had to be wrong because there was no way belle was evil and going to hell. i loved being friends with her and i couldn't accept the fact that her liking girls changed anything. she still felt like the same person. still the topic was terrifying to me, i was so afraid that i was wrong or maybe just not smart enough to see the truth. so many people around me that i grew up being told knew what was right, knew what god was telling us said that it was wrong so maybe i just didnt get it. maybe i wasnt close enough to god to understand what made gay people so bad. still something changed from then and the next year i ended up being close to this girl, lets call her beth, (all my other friends had either moved on or were on different sides of our grade and tbh i was terrified of her but i had no one else). Anyways beth also had a crazy homelife she talked a lot about how she hated her family and how she would kill her dad if she could. she also ate highlighters, just drew on her tongue, and sold pictures of her feet on instagram to make money. needless to say as soon as i hit highschool i never spoke to her again, she freaked me out. anyway one day me and beth were walking at recess and she turns to me and tells me that im gay. i knew she was pan at this point and i didnt really care though looking back on it she was definitely flirting with me. I got freaked out and told her there was no way i was gay and assumed that she just wanted me to like her back but id had a crush on a guy before so i couldnt be gay.

speaking of this guy, he sat next to belle in my science class in 6th grade. i sat behind them and they were good friends. we were sort of a trio in that class and i thought he was really nice and funny. he was the first guy id ever been friends with and i assumed that the fact that i enjoyed hanging out with him and having fun meant that i must have a crush on him. because girls and boys cant just be friends. thats what everyone always said at least. one day we were texting and he told me that he liked me and wanted to go out. i csnt describe the feeling i got then. it was this werid mix of anxiety and fear and knowing that i should be excited but instead i was disappointed. and i didnt know why. i told him i wasnt allowed to date til 16 and if he still wanted me then whe could date then. i cried about it for almost a year. which doesnt make any sense because i rejected him not the other way around. but i felt heartbroken. im still not really sure why.

when beth told me i was gay i p much told her to f off in the most good christian way possible but i still thought about it. the idea felt so overwhelming and i couldnt think about it without wanting to have a panic attack so i stopped thinking about it. then i had a gay dream about jane and honestly i should have figured it out then but somehow i completely disregarded.

i changed schools for high school so i was with a lot of new people. i wanted a fresh start. at the time i felt like id been pretending to be someone else for my whole life and i hoped that starting over would help me find myself or something. I always sort of knew i was different from other kids i never felt like we had much in common or something but i could never put a finger of what it was (it was the autism). when i started highschool my main goal was to make friends on my own and conquer my social anxiety when had been crippling throughout middle and elementary. i ended up meeting this girl, lets call her cassie, (so many people ikik) and we became super close. she had a lot of issues as well bc apparently i attract unstable people. she was by far the worst id dealt with though. she was suicidal, ocd, anorexic and hurt her self a lot. it was a very codependent friendship but we were attached at the hip. she was my whole world at the time, nothing else really mattered more than her not killing herself. one day we were texting after midnight and she told me that she thought she might be bisexual and i told her a didnt care. i really didnt care i was more worried about her killing herself. she said she had a crush on someone but wouldnt tell me who and i let the topic die.

then heartstopper came out on netflix and i got DEAD sick. i couldnt even speak. it was very bad. anyways i had a computer at this point and was looking for something to watch. i settled on heartstopper because id heard so many good things about it and i was morbidly( at the time) curious. i watched the entire show in one sitting. i was scared my mom would find out and when she did find out she gave me this hesitant look and said she didnt love the idea of me watching that kind of stuff. i watched it anyways. i was mesmerized dude. the scene of nick nelson in his bedroom, on the verge of tears searching the internet for anwsers was so powerful to me and it was like something clicked in my brain.

what if i am gay??

id never let myself actually ask mysrlf that before. id never dared to even think it was a possibility because of course im straight. id know if i liked girls. but i sat there dead sick and dying slowly and looked over at my book case at all my favorite books. i looked up on youtube how to tell if your bisexual (bc ofc i like guys duh) and it said something about thinking about how you feel about fictional characters and i sat and i thought. it was a very overwhelming week. i thought back to middle school and the strange possessiveness i had over my best friend at the time, the feeling of hurt i always seemed to have when she hung out with someone else. i hated that part of myself. i felt validated in my feelings at the time but i never knew why i felt that way and it felt unfair to her.

at the time i was talking to a guy. he was nice and pretty chill but i sort of knew i didnt like him the way he liked me. i wanted to though. i wanted to like him so freaking badly. so i kept taking to him. id be on the phone with him for 5 hours just talking about nothing and tell myself that this was what its like to like someone. it wasnt a bad experience, he was nice and i liked to talk to him. but i didnt have feelings for him. one night i texted cassie back and told her that maybe i was bi too. she was from a christian household too and we talked for a while one what we should do.

my parents have always had this policy of being honest with each other when sometbing happens in our lives. which i think is pretty normal but my autistic ahh took it very seriously. almost as soon as i started questioning i told them. bad idea, was not ready. i was so scared that somehow theyd look at me and figure out that i was thinking about it, and that theyd be mad that i didnt talk to them about it. i said it at dinner and there was legit forks dropped. my mom took me on a 2 hour long walk to try and explain myself which was HELL because i couldnt even understand what was going on.

"why do you think you like girls??"

"idk"

they eventually dropped the subject.

soon after that me and cassies relationship started to get werid. after being so codependent for so long we had thsi strange sort of toxic need for each other to be sane or something. she confessed that she had a crush on me and i really wasnt sure how to feel about it. she was so important to me and the trauma and confusion and drama of our friendship got all jumbled in my head and we fell into some sort of homo romantic something. we never did anything besides holding hands a few times, but we did that before either of us came out anyways. we went to summer camp summer after freshmen year and shit really hit the fan and we ended up having a friendship breakup. she told me afterwards that she was a devoted christian now, that god had saved her from herself and that now she was straight. i was really lost the rest of that summer. i wasnt sure what to do at all, who i was or what i was supposed to do now that i left the person i had dedicated the past year of my life and my mental health too. i was really suicidal for a few months after that but slowly i got better.

second semester of sophomore year i had my first real crush on one of my close friends at the time. she was straight which sucked but those 6 months of my life were some of the most terrible exhilarating experiences of my life. thats how i knew i wasnt wrong. bc theres no heterosexual option for wanting to make out with a girl in a dirty school bathroom stall.

it was hard though, being in love with someone you know will never feel that way about you. even if at the time i had mostly gotten over the majority of my internalized homophobia theres still that feeling of guilt. you feel so gross and creepy and unwanted. this person doesnt want you, they dont even want your gender but you cant let it go. its a very lonely feeling.

it was around the same time that i figured out that i was a lesbian. after i felt what it was like to like someone, really like someone. to be able to identify that feeling as romantic feelings, it was pretty obvious that i didnt like guys. i felt really bad about the guy i was talking too. he had no idea and id just heen leading him on for almost a year. i felt super shitty about it.

idk if that was coherent but i guess thats why i love byler so much. it feels so raw and real to me. i watch the van scene and i see myself. i see how hard it was and how much i hated myself and wanted so badly to be normal and to be able to talk about boys with my friends without feeling uncomfortable. i see the way mike is with el and i see myself with that boy from middle school. so desperate for affection and so so confused. this feeling of guilt and regret, the heartbreak of loosing someone that you couldve had but you dont want. i want to want it but i dont and its so heartbreaking.

i almost think its a worse feeling that being broken up with. i fell in love with a girl recently and she ended up ending things. i was super upset about it cried for a long time. but still. its not the same hurt. it hurts but its not the same deep primal hurt. sitting on my bathroom floor at 13 years old sobbing my eyes out because im not with a boy that i rejected. wishing that things were different but not wanting to actually change. i broke my own heart and i didnt even mean too

[illyrianbitch]

Wait can we get a storytime on the ex guy best friend? Because oh my god those TEXTS? Pls feed me more

hehehe okay, let me give you some of the main points baby i gotchu

We met freshman year of college (in a very religious school), I was freshly 18 and we were both in this student-run university residence hall organization. I hated him at first because I thought he was sooo conceded and a douchebag (and we were also fighting for the top of our class, we both had perfect gpa's and I wanted to be better than him so #academicrivals)

There was a retreat for our organization so we ended up being in hotel rooms across from each other. Ran into him when I was leaving one night, he followed, and we ended up talking while on this carrousel that the retreat had.

When we went back to school, him and I started becoming really good friends, I realized we had SO much in common. I ended up trying to set him up with one of my friends (I was....truly oblivious)

I was lowkey in love with another person my freshman year and this guy bsf would constantly give me advice, talk to me about it, repeatedly tell me I deserved more

Guy bsf and I got super close. We would see each other every day, and we ended up going on ONE date to the movies--- guy bsf said it was because his friend wanted to go on a double date and he needed someone to go with him hehe. Anyways, after the movie I ran into said other person I was lowkey in love with. There was this weird tension, stand off moment and I was so upset about it.

Guy bsf and I left, but instead of dropping me back at my dorm, guy bsf and I walked to the stadium of our university and laid on the grass and talked ALL night under the stars. It was like 5 am by time I went to sleep.

We became best friends after this, literally would tell him everything, and he was so respectful of me and the other person I was lowkey in love with. Guy bsf and I end up jokingly making a marriage pact at 35.

Fast forward to the end of the semester, covid was a thing and I had to fly back to Madrid. Guy bsf packed all my stuff with me. The day I was leaving, he gave me the biggest hug and said he was so sad we were missing out on like 7 more weeks of school. I left, then got a text from him saying I forgot something....I went back and he KISSED ME! Still the best kiss of my life, to this date.

I flew home, didnt see him all summer. Ended up falling for my (now ex) boyfriend. Guy bsf ended up falling for his (now ex) girlfriend too. Fun fact, his ex and my ex were both of our high school crushes lmao anyways. After the summer, I go back to school. Guy bsf and I immediately fall back into place, but things are off bc both of us are pretty much cuffed.

I end up deciding I want to leave school and move to Panama. I start planning. Guy bsf gets into a motorcycle crash. I'm his emergency contact, he gets a bad leg injury. I end up taking care of him at his place for the next few weeks. During this time, me and my (now ex) boyfriend are getting kinda serious so I start to make boundaries with guy bsf. Guy bsf breaks things off with his girl.

A month later, I'm getting ready to move. Guy bsf and I are preparing our goodbyes, he gives me this BEAUTIFUL letter on the night that I leave. Literally compares me to plato's forms of beauty. (You can read some of it below) and tells me he loves me.

I cry over it. It's the most thoughtful thing I've ever read, but I feel so guilty that I don't feel the same way. I also feel conflicted because my (now ex boyfriend) and I were getting pretty serious, and he was uncomfortable with my guy bsf giving me a love letter. I thank guy bsf, tell him it was so sweet, but we have a conversation about what our friendship needs to look like.

Long story short, guy bsf started to get jealous and kinda mean towards my (now ex) boyfriend. Lowkey, I shouldve listened bc my ex was INSANE. But I was uncomfortable with it and guy bsf and I got into a huge fight, had a huge falling out. He told me he didn't think I was with the right person.

4 years later, we start talking again!!! wohooo

There are SO many details here within 4 years. His friends telling me he said I was the one that got away, my own mother telling me she was sure we would end up together blah blah

[alpaca-clouds]

About the Development of Myths

Okay, I will talk about more of the specific gods tomorrow again (starting first with the other gods from Stray Gods and then just looking over a variety of gods - I might start just with the greeks and then... venture into other mythologies). But first let me talk about the entire basis of what I have been talking about so far with the origins of Pan and Persephone: Their mythology is not a fixed thing.

Something that I would say education in general really fails on is properly expressing the amount of changes that cultures go through. I wrote about this before just in terms of history: There is not THE middle ages, not THE ancient Egypt, not THE ancient Greece and so on. All of those historical periods lasted for at least a thousand years. Now imagine that in like 500 years someone goes and looks at the 20th and 21st century as: "The World War and Globalisation period". Which I think there is a good chance this will at some point be known at (assuming we do not manage to eradicate our species before that, that is). Yet, you and I both know that if we were talking to someone from 1923 there would be very little we had in common.

Sure, this effect got massively accelerated thanks to the internet. But... You gotta have to assume that the Roman dude from 100 BC would also live in a very different world from the Roman dude of 200 BC. Because a hundred years is always going to involve a lot of change.

The reason we look at those old cultures as unchanging is, that they do not change anymore. And everyone who is neither working with that kinda stuff, nor is a complete geek, will just look at that culture as ONE FIRM THING rather than something fluent.

This is also true in terms of religion and related traditions, though we in the west are even more prone to it than other cultures. Because we do assume Christianity as this one thing. And the bible as this one unchanging thing. Hence the core believe is the same and, so the reasoning goes, was always the same. In fact, if you went to a religious school it is kinda how you were taught. The bible is one thing and always was the same thing. Only... It wasn't and even the basic we hve now does not matter.

Just look at the many Christian subreligions. They all in some way or form believe in Jesus, the one big God and all of that - but what they take from that widely differs. And the bible really does not have a big impact onto what ideals they hold and how they hold mass and how they pray and what not. If you think about it, you will easily see that, right? And if you just look a bit into what you might have learned about history in relation to Christianity, you will also know that this has changed. The role of Jesus has changed. How much the Holy Spirit is looked upon as an active actor. Which saints get venerated. All of that has changed a lot in just the last 50 years. And has changed a ton between the different countries.

And what I now need you to keep in mind that this was the exact same with the Ancient Gods and the religion attached to them. That holds true for the Greek Gods, the Roman Gods, the Egyptian Gods, the Norse Gods... all of them. The way they were worshipped changed over those thousand(s of) years they were worshipped.

So, let me once again talk about the Proto-Indo-European culture. Which is always a doosy and I love it.

The Proto-Indo-Europeans originates probably in the areas of modern day Ukraine and/or Romania and/or southern Russia some time around 5000 BC (scholars argue a bit about the exact temporal placement, just that it was somewhere between 7000 BC and 4000 BC). We do not really know a lot about them, because they did not write stuff down. But we do know that they had horses, were patriarchal, and that they worshipped a polytheistic pantheon that at least involved a Sky Father as one of the highest gods, who controlled the weather and was especially associated with storms and lightning.

These Proto-Indo-Europeans started breaking apart and travelling. Some into Asia, some into Europe and the Arabian/Persian areas. They brought with them their language and religion.

Now, it should be noted that they were not the "original humans" or anything. And that whereever they went... in most areas there were already other people living there, with whom they intermingled. Also whatever land they ended up settling was different, had different environments and this was included into their religious practice. Which made their religion over the years differ bit by bit. So from their pantheon sprang a lot of the pantheons we know today.

But... again, a lot of places they settled had already people living there. Who had their own worship. And that stuff often was also included and merged. Sometimes those other worships were very far reaching, sometimes very local. But some of those deities were picked up and either made part of whatever pantheon was there to come or was merged with an already existing god. And this happened again and again during the time that whatever pantheon was prayed to.

How do we know that, if it was not written down?

Well, mostly due to some archeology, but mostly due to comparative mythology and comparative linguistics. Two fields of science that basically involve people going over a lot of languages or mythologies (which, by the way, at times also includes fairytales and other oral narratives that are not necessarily held as "true", but still told) and basically finding things the reoccur. As well as going back over whatever written stuff we do have and noticing the shifts happening between a text written in 600 BC and a text written in 200 BC.

Now, for all the stuff we have two things that help a lot: a) The old Hindi writings and b) the written stuff from Egypt. Because both go really far back and were very well documented in writing. So basically we always can compare stuff to that and see shifts more clearly.

But, yeah... Technically all the pantheons are very much related. At some point Zeus, Jupiter, Diespiter, Thor, Tinia and Tian originated from the same character. You can even kinda see it in how similar the names are. Susanoo in Shinto-Mythology probably came from this, too, at least in the iteration we actually know about. (There can be some arguments made that a lot of the Shinto gods were shifted through the Buddhist contact, as the original indigenous Japanese cultures were very likely not Indo-European in origin. But given that the Ainu are the only culture whose oral tradition managed to survive this long, while the others either vanished or merged in a way influenced by Buddhism, which comes from Indo-European culture... yeah, it is there now.)

So, what I am saying: Mythology is shifting and always has been shifting. Same goes with religion. Hence the evolution of the Greek Pantheon.

Fun fact: Through comparative mythology we can also find the origins of YHW, the Abrahamitic god. Or God, as you might know him. He is a fascinating one, as he probably started out as a local god associated with harvest and weather in Southern Egypt and was then picked up by the Semitic cultures. He got a more pronounced role in the Canaanite pantheon, where at some point he merged with Baal, the war god. And through some trials and tribulations he finally ended up merging with El(hoim), the top god of the pantheon, with a part of the Canaanites splitting from the culture and developing into what would become the Jewish culture.

Super fascinating stuff. I love it.