#bc otherwise I’m going to feel extremely bad

[ambagelbraindump]

oh my god y’all I befriended a cute girl with whom I hit it off immediately and. I have no way to contact her bc she failed to put her phone number into my phone 😭😭

[vampiremourning]

i think it’s time for another social break.

[punksocks]

Astrology Observations No.27:

*just based on my observations, pleas only take what resonates

(Trying to write more posts and answer more asks lately, everything has been so busy omg- hope you all enjoy what I can put out there tho! c:)

-A perspective but I think Libra placements (big 6 but especially Venus and mars) are attracted to harmonious/balanced appearances, like I think having that glow from confidence in your aesthetic and it fitting you and things like that can make you just as attractive to Libra placements as conventional measurements of beauty

-Sun Conjunct Venus makes you really charismatic and you probably attract a lot of people by being yourself, and sometimes these natives can be people pleasers especially if they’re trying to impress others

-Quietly I associate your mars sign and your MC the most with the work you’ll do. Mars because you can’t divorce your passion from your work (says the Capricorn). And MC because it’s what you’re known for and that’s often tied to some sort of work/action. North node is tied in there too but it plays out so long term it can be harder to summarize. (I can do a post about the general fields that placements tend to go towards if folks are interested?)

-Aries and Sagittarius Mercury tied for most likely to accidentally blurt out your secrets

-Chiron Venus aspects (especially square, opposition, and conjunction) may find themselves undoing a lot of pressure around their looks or being especially hard on themselves over their perceived flaws/imperfections

-The sign over your 5th house may denote if you have many or few casual romantic connections (Saturn/Capricorn pointing to fewer one end of the scale and Jupiter/Sagittarius pointing to many at the other end of the scale, depends on Venus and mars too)

-You may find yourself accidentally pouring your heart out to water moons (especially cancer over how emotionally in-tune they are and scorpio over traaaaumaaa oml)

-I feel like Sagittarius can feel less mutable because Jupiter makes some of the forms of expression so big (ex. A Sagittarius Mars can get so mad at you and blow up, Sagittarius Mars/Venus typically date many partners, Sagittarius moons can express their emotions in a big way- I probably feel this way bc I’m Sag Pluto, the extremes lol)

-I’ve noticed that Venus dominants can seek more attention compared to like Leo/sun doms

-Fixed Venus can become codependent on their partner, putting heavy exceptions on their person for them to be their everything if underdeveloped— but if developed they can be very loyal to their person

-Mutable Venus aren’t quite commitment-phobic but they tend to be looking for a really special combination of traits to actually settle down with (when they’re monogamous), otherwise they get distracted very easily (or they treat their romantic options, and sometimes friends, like very temporary things- for better or for worse)

-Cardinal Venus are most likely to really go after what they want romantically, I think out of all the Venus modalities they have the most accurate idea of what they want at heart, from the start. But on the shadow side of this, they may be manipulative or try to conform their partner into what they want. (may play out differently for moon opposition/square Venus)

-I feel like where ever Venus is heavy in your chart may be how people assume you’re gracious but in a somewhat shallow way (ex. Venus conjunct mercury, people may find your voice and expression charming but assume you’re not that smart)

-Venus/Saturn aspects/ Capricorn Venus tend to have a lot of unrequited love interests and crushes that don’t reciprocate their affections when they’re younger but as they get older they tend to get the most affection from suitors that are older than them (be careful out here! Sometimes these old folks don’t know anything and they have bad intentions- girl when I say I had to take my own advice)

-Leos (big 3, especially sun & Asc) often know the right thing to say to charm you, it’s like when they want to they hit that sweetspot dead on. So do Libra’s (big 3) but they tend to approach things less directly, like compliments that really sit with you and come onto you in quieter, sometimes less serious way (if they have both in their big 3 then they’re just -a charmer- and idk I take that at face value 80% of the time lol but I’m a skeptic)

-I find that Pisces and Sagittarius placements (big 6 but especially sun for identity and moon for emotionality) often get VERY into spirituality at some point in their lives

-People with Jupiter in Virgo tend to work very diligently, almost too hard sometimes and they can be prone to burning themselves out from this behavior (something something don’t burn the candle at both ends- hypocritical from a Jupiter in Capricorn person lol but still)

-We talk about how Scorpio placements observe every detail about you, but I like Pisces placements (big 6 but especially sun, moon, Venus, and mars) have told me things about myself and habits I have that I’ve never noticed about myself. They’re super observant they notice a lot. I think they have this in common with their sister sign, Virgo. But I noticed Pisces will use their intuition in their observations instead of just analyzing. (I.e. you do x when you’re angry, is it because you feel defensive? Or I noticed you light up when you talked about him, you must really like him)- can also apply to Neptune Conjunct your big 3 (especially moon), and big 3 in 12th but it’s a bit more second nature to them than Pisces

-The season of your Venus sign is the time you’re most likely to indulge in self care and purchases for yourself (Sag season started and all of a sudden I was like I need makeup now, even though I hardly wear it in the winter lol)

-The season of your mars is the time you’re most like to take major actions (starting a business, going on solo adventures, etc)

-The season of your sun is when you’re most likely going to receive the most public recognition (also when the sun is transiting your MC/10th house)

[thatdeadaquarius]

Genshin Sagau (?) Isekai Brainrot - Language

I've seen like ONE small kinda related Genshin Sagau/isekai idea for this but I wanted more of it so BAD

It’s not the most interesting thing in the world, it’s about our modern vernacular vs. Teyvat's flowery speech

Pls feel free to expand on or add to this pLEASE TAG ME IF U DO IM STARVING OUT HERE :)))

So I saw someone write like one sentence abt this (can’t remember who :( sorry I’ll update if I find them ) or like a brutally honest version??

But I also took inspo from how fucking wordy and long conversations that are in Genshin, even with ppl like Xiao (the rude boy that he is) or even Tighnari who gets to the point pretty quickly

It goes smth like:

So, all of Teyvet, (esp ppl like Zhongli 💀 u know the ones) talk,, flowery.

Like, the whole Pride and Prejudice style speaking, euphemisms, metaphors, for some characters (or Npcs) its full on POETRY. 

Lookin’ at you Kazuha.

.

And going off of any variation of you being the Creator, (or otherwise an older mythical being?), they could have this thing where the older a deity/mythical thingy is, the simpler the speech. 

Kinda makes sense to them y’know? The older beings are serious, commanding, intimidating

And nothing says "I'm ancient as fuck and powerful as fuck" like simple blunt speech.

And being closer to the literal creation of the world, language would understandably be less complex (I’m assuming it’s the same as in human cultures in our world's history)

Like literally look at our fantasy typical stories, plenty of them have a dragon or ancient god that speaks in extremes, like so flowery its a metaphor, or so bluntly its startling (ie, "Be not afraid." "I am all powerful." etc etc)

And so, ancient powerful being = direct/blunt speech

..

…

...Y'know,, almost like our modern vernacular.

Like, part of some of our modern day comedy is purely based on a sentence being delivered bluntly for impact

Hell our ads and videos and content in general we always want to get to the point, to say things simply

So with this in mind, even if you try to deny being the Creator, they might still think you are, or at least a more minor ancient deity/creature

 .

(like the Seven Sovereigns/Phanes/Shades/etc. for example would sound eerily modern or at least easy for you to understand bc of this trait lol)

(Also I'm just assuming u know Genshin lore enough to know what I meant by that ^)

____

So, I love the AU where you just,, hitch a ride with the traveler like Paimon bc u start at the "beginning of the game",

And with every person you meet, you're like, "Ok, no, I promise this is just how my country/world speaks, it's not like that, I'm not some ancient deity…" 

And They're all like 🤨🤨🤨 "Well, fine traveler and companions, why does your speech sound so simplistic and sharp? Surely, you do not expect me to truly believe you.."

You: "Please I just talk like this, I'm a regular human."

Them: "Alright, if it is as you say,, you wish to not experience being "known" yes? Fear not, I will keep your secrets close to my chest."

You: "No, for the last time, that's not-" 

.

And it just keeps happening, lol

.

(srry I tried my best at emulate Genshin language + flowery speech idk how to do it)

.

Like maybe you would just sound weird or like a foreigner speaking y’know in simpler sentences bc they don't know the language as well as native speakers, at least that could be how you sound to NPCs and ppl who don’t know abt simpler speech meaning

.

...But the Adepti? Zhongli?? Barbatos maybe??? Even the Aranara??? Those who are old enough to maybe have heard how older beings speak or at least have knowledge of how they should speak/sound??

You couldn’t have predicted how shocked their faces were the second you opened you’re mouth… 

Sumeru scholars would freak tf out i stg, as soon as you meet Haypasia, she's already losing it, first the Irminsul progress, now this ancient being/Creator?? Girlie thinks its a sign lmao

.

(I’m an Aether lover, and also bc I think Lumine looks badass as Abyss ruler, so I’m gonna go with Aether for traveler sorry Lumine mains love yall T-T)

.

You, and Aether being equally confused at first pLEASE 😭 

lets say he speaks a little more fluffy than you at least, after all I’m assuming bc of the outfit that he’s from a fantasy-like place, and his replies can be a little fluffy like Teyvat’s residents, so he kinda fits in, kinda like everybody assumes he's just from another country when he gets to a new nation (at least that’s what I think happens??)

.

Like after (maybe Diluc?) Lisa, Kaeya, Venti, and Jean (who I think would all be knowledgeable, thru diff means, about this enough to maybe recognize the simpler speech = ancient god thing)

ALL reacted shocked as hell at hearing you talk, and would probably explain (or Paimon before then?) in that infuriatingly roundabout way, that you would usually skip a couple dialogue boxes just to avoid bc yOU ALREADY GOT THE POINT or alternatively WHATS THE POINT HERE?? JUST SAY IT, WHATS THE COMMISSION/QUEST FOR/WHAT DO I DO??

(Those blue highlights be savin my impatient life, and i actually like lore stuff 💀)

.

Oh that’s also another frustration. For you.

.

It would drive me crazy if I had to wait like,, 2-3 minutes for ppl to explain what they ate for dinner or sm shit

Like, now imagine that’s everyone, about everything.

You don’t know how anything gets done in battles or wars, like you need faster communication for that right??💀

.

Anyway, you, Aether and Paimon decide you just gotta not talk when you first meet people or like,, make sure you're gonna be around that person for a while so you don’t have to possibly get someone over the shock of your speech every time you guys talk to people 😭 that'd be so miserable I can already tell,,

Like at first, every convo ya’ll have had with people who recognize that direct speech trait as a thing, would take at least 10 minutes to finish talking about it/being shocked,,

It got so old so fast.

.

(Like I already can’t communicate that good with ppl irl bc I misunderstand them, or they do me, or they just dont get what I mean, and as my friends put it, which I think would fit here for any language shenanigans we go thru in Teyvat, "A Shakespearean level of misunderstanding, hilarious but such a downward spiral to watch, it just gets more and more ridiculous as it goes on...")

.

On another note, making fun of someone would be so fucking funny,

I’d like to give myself the benefit of the doubt that many characters, after getting used to your speech, would generally understand you (even if they always notice it, like an accent) and would actually rlly love hearing insults or even just generally how you would put things

(like maybe treating this almost like those vids of ppl with non-native english speaknig relatives/parents and its the most hilarious thing to watch them, usually get pissed 😭, at their kid, if u dont know what I mean look up on tiktok or smth)

And You just come off like those insults where you dont even use cuss words, you just like, drag queen read them into never showing their face again, and you did it in so few words!! 

They're amazed and oh, 

you've become the John Mulaney of Teyvat 

(Bad examples include:

Fontaine inventor: "...And I shall call my invention, crocks!"

You: "I wouldn't even be cremated in those." ) 

*Aether crying laughing in the background bc he never knows what you’re gonna say next, and Paimon's jaw dropped so hard

JFC this post is so long sorry, I probably will spam with a Part 2 but let me know if you’re interested in hearing more anyway!!

Thanks for reading this rambling!!

Or send in asks abt this 👀

Cheers,

🌒🌊🌧Aquarius♒️🌌🌘

[melrosing]

I’m sure you’ve talked about this before but tumblr’s search function is ass 😭 what’s your endgame prediction for Jaime esp in light of the show? I think Jaime is def fighting the others as hinted in his weirwood dream. But the way got ended doesn’t feel right to me. On Reddit everyone’s saying it makes no sense so it has to be a bad adaptation of what GRRM told them but idk I don’t buy it. Especially since it seems like Cersei replaced young griff’s role

i have talked about it before but even i can't find it ha so i don't mind talking about it again however.... my thoughts on this are vague. longwinded post ahead which is more thought starters than anything definitive.

to briefly address the show ending... I mean it's literally impossible for Jaime's story to end like that, because we know that Cersei's can't end that way. Cersei is going to be murdered by the valonqar, whoever that turns out to be. and even apart from that, the book version of the twins are so done romantically. sure, there are the barest vestiges of that connection in Jaime's ADWD chapter ('back to Cersei, another part of him whispered'), but ASOS/AFFC otherwise make for an extremely thorough deconstruction of that relationship that ends with Jaime leaving Cersei for dead and wandering off the grid with Brienne. like.... GRRM didn't write all that for nothing. and sure, some people still think he might still bounce back to her in some way or another, but generally i have found.... that those theories don't tend to accompany the strongest takes on jaime's character dhjkls

for the same reason, I don't really know where this leaves us wrt the valonqar prophecy. if Jaime were still preoccupied with Cersei's cheating, he would've acted on it by now. Tyrion thinks in ACOK that if Jaime ever found out about Lancel, he'd have killed the kid himself. Jaime in AFFC suggests Lancel eat something and go to therapy. Jaime himself imagines in AFFC scenarios where he exacts revenge on the Kettleblacks and Cersei herself, and yet given the opportunity to do so.... he wanders off in the opposite direction.

the reason being that the connection Jaime once felt to Cersei has died. that bond was his reason for living, for doing anything at all - and now it's not enough for him to even stick around long enough to see what's happened to her in KL, never mind return to her side to exact revenge on her himself. in practise, he doesn't harbour the kind of action and rage he dreams about, or claims to Ilyn Payne. it's the same as how he claims he's Tywin's heir, and then keeps letting people off the hook t any given opportunity. like for all Jaime knows, he could die fighting """"the Hound"""", and never see Cersei again, and that's apparently just fine. the opposite of love isn't hate it's indifference etc. and no I don't think Jaime will ever feel truly indifferent to Cersei - she is his twin, the mother of his children, and the woman he has loved all his life. but I think it's entirely fair to say that the extremes of love and hate he felt within the context of their romance are gone, because the romance itself has gone. Jaime's feelings towards Cersei exist outside of that now.

returning to the valonqar prophecy. I don't think it's necessarily guaranteed that Jaime the valonqar, but I do think it would be myopic to claim that he isn't a real possibility. and since Cersei's end has to factor into what Jaime's is or isn't in some kind of way, I'll suppose that he is the valonqar for the sake of this post. it's not written, so I can't say how exactly I'll end up feeling about its execution, but per the previous paragraph, I don't imagine this will have anything to do with the 'Moonboy for all I know' shit. that was for AFFC. that was building to Jaime burning her letter. Jaime in TWOW is going to have left much of that behind, bc frankly he'll have other stuff to worry about.

but we know that Cersei will be dealing w wildfire (apart from what happens in the show, this is one of the most heavily foreshadowed events in the book), and whilst it's not clear when or why she'll use it, it seems like a natural site for the valonqar prophecy to come true, in whatever way it does. and Jaime has been here before w Aerys etc, this has perturbed him in other Cersei x wildfire scenes in AFFC, so it seems it's a likely full circle moment. potentially Tommen's life is wrapped up in this too - I think it's also foreshadowed that Cersei (I assume accidentally) will manage to kill Tommen in the wildfire blast as well. so like, sure, ig that would set the scene for valonqar Jaime. I've never really liked this prophecy for a whole host of reasons, but the idea of spurned lover Jaime tramping back to KL to kill Cersei over Moonboy is uh. ??? yeah im not worried about that

[as for the more sensitive implications of Jaime being the valonqar as Cersei's ex lover, which I believe exist regardless of whether the act is about Moonboy or not: I think that's an important conversation to be had, but not one I feel effectively able to have until we have the scene itself. so whilst i want to acknowledge that context, I've found that conversations aren't often productive when participants are each imagining a different version of the scene in their minds]

then we're just left to contemplate where exactly any of this comes in the broader picture of TWOW/ADOS. if it is (per the show) effectively the last act of the series, then idk. maybe Jaime dies in Cersei's wildfire/the general pyre that is KL by this point idk?? like ok sure. he saved the city once but he couldn't save it this time etc.

however I tend to believe that TLN will follow what happens in KL, or in the very least will follow Cersei's death. i'm never certain of this, but if not, it leaves you wondering what exactly Cersei, Aegon, Arianne, Joncon etc are even doing in the south throughout all this. like. carrying on as normal?? do they even notice TLN?? winter is setting in everywhere.

and I do fully believe Jaime will fight in TLN per the weirwood dream, widow's wail etc. Jaime's story is a redemption arc (whether ppl like that term or not, GRRM uses it himself), and fighting in TLN is a natural conclusion to Jaime's pivot to the pursuit of honour, and his arc's own gradual turn towards the northern storyline. Jaime's story has always been about leaving behind loyalty to individuals and institutions, and instead fighting for causes he believes in, according to his own set of values. there's also the fact that he has to attain widow's wail somehow (which i'm certain he will), and as it is currently in KL.... it seems reasonable to assume that Jaime will be stopping by KL before he moves north again. this could be a tenuous assumption or it could be entirely correct, guess we'll see. but whatever

so if TLN is the final act of the series, then Jaime either dies in TLN (fine), or possibly even survives the series (though on this I always hedge my optimism). survival possibilities include becoming Hand or a KG to Bran, joining the Night's Watch, becoming a hedge knight, literally whatever. I like the idea that he stays with Brienne whatever ends up happening, but if it's some bittersweet long distance shit then sure whatever that's workable. however i do prefer to just assume he'll die for my own sake xo

[sehtoast]

How are you able to like Homelander and not condone his actions at the same time, without feeling crappy? This sounds accusing but I’m asking bc I’m struggling with it. I know ppl who do the same with characters, but I’ve had an unwelcome fixation on him come out of nowhere and I feel sick and guilty bc I feel like everyone will think I’m some kind of freak or something. I’m very much anti-sa and other gross stuff esp as a victim but I still feel like I’m being hypocritical or something. I’m sorry for the weird message but I feel like I’m losing my mind

The short answer is that he’s fictional.  Think of… I dunno, an antagonist in media of a different form (let’s go with anime).  I was a naruto kid growing up, so let’s use Orochimaru for an example.  My guy was on some fuck shit through the entire show. Snatching bodies, murkin’ Hokages, wild experiments, all that shit with Sasuke, and so on.  People still liked him regardless because he was a cool character despite the bad things he’s done.  Some people may have even found him relatable in certain ways.  I feel like it’s the same concept here.

You don’t have to feel bad about enjoying fictional characters, no matter how awful they may be.  At the end of the day, they’re fictional and their actions have harmed nobody in real life.  Their actions may mirror that which does harm real people, but they themselves have not dealt real harm to real people.  Enjoying them does not mean you condone their actions.

I’m also extremely anti-SA, and am a victim of it myself, but I still find a lot of love and appreciation for Homelander’s character– but this isn’t hypocritical.  My love for him doesn’t come from the fact he has perpetrated that act, nor should it come from that.  I love him as a character with the bottom line that he is… extremely complex.  

I’ve said it for years now, but I think Homelander is a compelling tale of the dangers of commodifying the human soul.  He is an example of how awful someone can turn out if you deprive them of humanity with the goal of creating a product.  People are not products, we are not a means to an end, and we certainly should never be treated that way. He was, and this is how he turned out.  He’s a take on the cyclical nature of trauma in a lot of really interesting ways as well.

I find him relatable from a standpoint of my own traumas and being transgender.  Episode four of s4 revealed that I have a jarring amount of trauma that mirrors his own to some capacity.  I’ve always suspected these things, and I’ve had headcanons since the first season, and having them confirmed reminded me just how much I’ve latched onto this character because of it.  Homelander experienced some degree of sexual abuse in the labs– and I wager there may have been worse than simply being called ‘squirt.’ Homelander was subjected to physical torture and locked in a room where his mind slowly fractured, all while being conditioned to never seek escape otherwise he’d be too devastated from disappointing the scientists or losing their ‘love.’ 

I have experienced SA, I was locked in my room with nothing as punishment (my 'bad room'), had very little privacy and next to no access to boundaries as a kid, I was put through physical pain very often by a sibling (my furnace), I was reared and conditioned to have a fear of disappointing others so severe it made my blood pressure drop into the danger zone a couple times as a kid– and still has similar effects as an adult.  I’d literally pass out, have panic/anxiety attacks, vomit, etc.  I also know what it’s like, as a trans man, to have been raised and reared for a life that was designed for me, but was not me.  I was lucky enough to find my way to the person I needed to be; Homelander has not and likely will not ever be able to do so.  In all of the aforementioned, I have a lot of empathy and compassion for him that combines with my fascination with his complexity.  There were a lot of things in my life that should have pushed me down the road to be an awful person, much like the things in his life did. But I had a handful of people to guide me toward better things.  He didn’t.

But I see myself in there nonetheless. Homelander was the first time I ever saw so much of my own trauma on display in a single character.  I’d love to hug the man and tell him he’s enough, show him the humanity he was and continues to be denied, and so on.  When I realized that means that I would, in turn, do that for myself if I only viewed myself through a lens that wasn’t my own, my life changed.  This character changed my life.  I know I thirst-post about him a lot, but my love for Homie runs a lot deeper than just finding him attractive, you feel?

A fictional character doesn’t have to be one of moral high ground or superiority for it to be okay for you to enjoy them.  You can enjoy characters who commit horrible acts. This does not make you someone who condones horrible acts.  I was initially pretty embarrassed to admit I like Homelander as much as I do, but I slowly realized that it does not make me a bad person and it should never be used as a gauge to find out how ‘moral’ someone is or not.  People like Hannibal Lecter, people like Thomas Hewitt, Joffrey, Albert Wesker, Cletus Kasady– any number of fictional characters who have an ugly record or have done horrific things.  We do not assume someone is evil because they like Hannibal, nor should we do the same for people who like Homelander.

At the end of the day, do what makes you happy. If exploring Homie is something you would have fun with, do it! Engage in media, learn tales of caution and tragedy– stories make us human.  You are not inhuman for enjoying Homelander and his tale.  In fact, I would argue you are very human because of it.

[lilacxquartz]

kindaaaa curious o3o is there a reason why you go for darker - scarier characters? or make them to be so evil? this is nothing wrong btw! i am the exact same way - i would like to have more insight why we are the way we are. >< is it trauma related? for me it is. or is it because we are just both formerly weird kids who now have access to an imagination we both try to understand through art and words? english is not my first language sorry @_@~~~

why hello there anon, i’ll try to explain this as thoroughly as possible! i’ll cut off this ramble into a line break though, because i’ll be talking about some not so pretty subjects. tw for that reason

tw tw tw tw tw

on the prospect of it being related to trauma, it’s very likely. i had a rough childhood due to abusive parents, so for a good chunk of it, i isolated myself and became extremely chronically online because it was a good coping mechanism. i got really into anime, creepy pasta, twitch, gaming & things like that because they were my escapisms and now even though i’m in my twenties, i still have that same personality bc that’s what shaped me instead of idk, a “normal” social experience.

but essentially all of my comfort characters that i started to obsess over were never once normal to start with. we had pyramid head, the joker, bill cipher, specifically medic from tf2, misa amane & some others, who i now forgot.

going to college partially fixed that because i opened myself up to other weird people similar to me, but unfortunately created a whole new traumatic experience because i got sexually assaulted. ):

so now we enter the new stage of life: navigating my trauma through cReAtiViTy !! and like, it does help a lot. for the first time in my life, i have a place to finally put all of those bad thoughts into a thing that doesn’t actually hurt me for once.

to be clear, i don’t support toxic behaviours and abusive relationships at all, but writing about those things does help me self reflect a little and understand myself more, which my therapist actually encourages, so sure, let’s keep doing that. i do know however that this isn’t for everyone though; such as the repeating fanfic with dark themes and the recurring hurt/no comfort stories, but personally, it does help. idk.

so this all ties back to the types of characters i like and how i utilise their personalities in producing fiction. currently i’m very into sukuna, geto, mahito & kenjaku which are all… very… yeah, um. lacking in the moral compass department. i just figure that they’re already kinda insane or just like bad/evil, in general, so i can use them to explore darker feelings but also twist all that into comfort when i need it (which is when you’ll catch me writing fluff).

i do see this level of coping get criticised on tumblr and tiktok pretty often though, but ah well, it is what it is. i’m getting help for my stuff irl which is a step in the right direction & otherwise regardless of what i write and how i write it, i try to at least make my blog a safe space for people who might feel similar in seeking out such content.

tldr: it’s all trauma’s fault and it’s nice to play pretend with morally depraved characters because they’re not real. 😮‍💨

[chynandri]

thoughts on code:realize so far. i really love the found family/friendship in this game. it doesn't feel like these guys are all your love interests but genuine friends who are written to show so much consideration toward mc. and mc has a pretty active role in the story. overall, i feel a good sense of equality between mc and the guys. I chose van helsing’s route first (I have some sort of accidental talent for choosing the most intense characters first lmao)

while i feel the pacing is a bit slow to actually get On to a guy's route, i can appreciate that they wanted to properly flesh out the story and each character to you and how they relate to mc. it's more of a slow burn with the aim of natural relationship progression i think.

van helsing's route (junichi suwabe <3) definitely made me cry a few times lol. van's life is... utterly miserable!! lol there really is a very thin thread between him living and just killing himself cuz god I WOULD if i had to do all the horrible things he did. but i think what this route does well is highlight the cruelty and immorality of the british royal government behind its veneer of sophistication and elegance which is - not too far off from reality. delacroix II is not usually the kind of character i like but, perhaps it's because aventurine is recent in my mind you can't help but feel so bad for the 'last of my kind' characters. they really got across how this is a deeply traumatized child trying to preserve what remains of his people, and a similarly traumatized adult who was forced to commit a massacre of that child's race and lost his own family too. god. they're both victims of the government and their only reason to live is for revenge otherwise there's nothing left... except for each other, and their new found family.

i didn't expect code:realize to get so dark but, this is the best part about otome games so far. the unexpected themes and depth is what i'm here for

But… the reveal that aleister was orchestrating all of van’s misery does kinda detract from possible commentary. He’s just some really messed up guy, also traumatized which probably broke him but like in all the wrong ways. I guess he too is a victim but it’s never really explained? First he said he killed his own family after the massacre, then he cites what sounds like an earlier incident of his family dying as what made him love despair? I’m a bit confused here. While it did add even higher stakes and angst, the lack of explicit explanation/logic for aleister being the twist villain does make the story weaker to me imo.

So in the end I’m not sure how well this sensitive topic is handled? Though van’s frustrating personality and trauma seems realistic even if it makes mc and van’s interactions a bit repetitive. And to me, within the story, it feels fair and most constructive that van lives on to atone for what he did by directly helping the vampire-human relations. And I think Delacroix’s conflicting feelings of wanting him to both die and live is understandable. Considering the vampire race are peaceful in this game, that seems in line with the ideals his father probably upheld.

I’m going on impey’s route now bc the types of characters that appeal to me truly are on two ends of a intensity spectrum lol. Silly guy or extreme suffering guy I like them all. But van’s route being overall so compelling and relevant to mc I do miss him a lot already lol 😔

[thereisnolumos]

Want to discuss(or more like vent) about how horrible a character ron weasley is? Both in general and just how badly written he is. Also what's your opinion of Ginny Weasley? I dislike her character too and I think shes badly written.

I’m always ready to bash the Ronald Weasley👌🏼

1) He’s misogynistic to every single woman he meets (maaaaybee except McGonagall, but he’s scared of her, soooo…). Literally, he slutshames his sister for kissing a boy (she wasn’t even doing it in public, not that it would’ve justified his behavior), thinks of women in terms of “fuckable/dateble/attractive” only, is only ever nice to Hermione when he either needs smth from her, or against Snape. And his hatred towards Snape plays a much bigger role here.

2) He’s basically useless in the story. Except for the chess game in PS he isn’t needed for the story to progress. Everything he does can be easily done by pretty much any other character. And better so.

3) He’s stupid. Like extremely so. Many characters are not excelling at school, but are smart otherwise. Or they’re not excelling simply bcs they don’t try that much/don’t care. But he’s struggling even when focused and determined and is stupid overall in life. Neither a book smart, nor a street smart going for him. He doesn’t even have his own aspirations in life, it’s constantly a repeat of someone else’s. He wants to play quidditch not because he’s good at it (he’s almost terrible) or he likes it a lot, but because all the brothers he liked (sorry Percy, I like you a lot) played it, because Harry plays it. He chooses the same subjects as Harry before 3rd year (I actually don’t remember whom chose first, but I’m pretty sure it was done randomly), chooses the same profession on 5th year, etc. He’s never his own person, he’s barely a person for his written as “a best friend” and his lousy even at this

4) He’s a bad friend. He’s constantly jealous and allows it to take over him on multiple occasions. He refuses to acknowledge people’s trauma and problems. This goes to all Weasley’s except for Percy, who at least noticed smth was off: they didn’t fucking notice their little sister was POSSESSED for an entire year. A+ family…

I can continue, but I’d like to see your points:)

Ginny… I think she has a potential of becoming a cool character, but she wasn’t. She was written to be with Harry and be awesome at quidditch (which was what made him notice her, so…) But I can see how she can be a great character in fandom with necessary changes. Ron cannot be a good character, unless you scrape everything clean and start over, so it won’t be him anymore.

JKR cannot write women to save her life due to her misogyny. In her eyes, the only good quality a woman can have is being a mother…

But I agree, that Ginny and Harry probably won’t make it as couple. They’re too young, both waaay too traumatized. My headcanon is that they date again after the war is over, and while they’re rebuilding Hogwarts, finish their education there, all that. But then Harry decides to leave the country for a while (a long while) and they just separate, no hard feelings. Their lives move in different directions but they remain friends.

(I also have a headcanon that Ron never returned in DH, because that plot made no sense and was written simply because JKR wrote that, with no substance under it)

[pumpkinpie59]

random hot takes i have cause i’m bored and emotionally dead:

-i literally cannot stand any leo ship other than leolotus, especially if it involves 87 leonardo. i’m sorry but it has made me physically nauseous before. shipping as a joke or a small crush on someone else is fine but pls don’t bother me about other leo ships it’s too much for me. ((i won’t hate u if u ship other ships dw <3 i just ask not to be bothered by it)

-i’ve already ranted about this so i won’t go into depth but i hate the 2012 season 4 finale (moreso requiem than owari but owari still bothers me). i think in general? i think 2012’s writing is mindbogglingly bad after they leave the farmhouse in season 3, but that doesn’t mean i don’t still enjoy a lot of it. just don’t expect me to drop the issues that bother me. season 1 is my baby tho and i’ll defend it to my dying day.

-2012 apritello is good. they just had to go through character development. my only issue with it is that their entire situation was pushed to the background so ppl only notice their development if they’re paying attention to april and donnie the whole time (like i do).

-1987 treats its girl characters better than the other shows which is shocking.

-capril sucks. i have literally never liked it or was just neutral to it. i got close to liking them in idw but then casey became a jerk.

-that said i don’t like shipping casey or april with the turtles with the one exception of 2012 apritello.

-i think 03 casey and splinter are annoying.

-2012 casey is best casey :p

-2012 michelangelo pisses me off. he has some good lines here and there and sometimes has fun dynamics with other characters but in general he’s just an ableist representation of adhd and he literally never faces consequences for his mistakes and instead everything works out for him so he never grows. like literally he stays the same throughout the show. also i dislike his actor sorry :p and his entire dynamic with renet just ruins renet as a character and it bothers me.

-i forget rise exists most of the time tbh. it’s good but like. i forget. also rise leo and donnie’s writing bothers me anyway-

-1987 content needs to sTOP mischaracterizing raphael PLS PLS PLS. “michelangelo is the jokester and raphael groans at his jokes” NO!!! raphael is the jokester so he gets upset when his brothers make stupid jokes bc that’s HIS thing !!!!!! and he’s not angry in the same way other raphaels are except in red sky when he was angry that they became villains in society’s eyes!!! but otherwise he’s emotional and whiny but not angry!!!

-leonardo is best when he’s a dork. he wants to do the right thing but will be a frickin idiot about it but - oh wait buddy don’t do that no wait put the sword down hold on-

-the turtles should never have blue eyes but especially not michelangelo.

-ramona is great but it’s okay for them to just be friends too. either way they slay <3

-lotus blossom and jhanna are the most under appreciated characters in tmnt give them some respECT-

-i think howie should come back. not bc he’s a good character i just wanna see what would happen.

-i hate koya. so much.

-mondo/mikey makes me rlly uncomfortable. it feels exactly like leo/venus since they mutated in the same place so mondo feels like a long lost sibling …

-this is literally just my take and i don’t expect others to agree but like. the 1987 team is the only version of tmnt where i feel like every turtle is equally likable and works as a unit best. like i like 03, but i don’t especially get attached to mikey? he’s good but compared to the other 03 turtles he’s just not my fav. same with 2012 but more extreme since it has rlly good raph, donnie, and leo,, but like i said i really dislike mikey. and then i’m not rlly attached to the rise turtles except mikey. the 87 team tho is all great.

-while i rlly love rise casey, i think waiting to reveal she was casey was a bad idea. i think she should’ve been introduced as casey or should’ve been a different character,,,

-i like red sky but the last episode was a disappointment,, also where are all my fav side characters 😭

-the turtles should never be tall they will always be lil guys to me. they should be under 5 ft plsssss

-not a hot take just a hc that was recently revealed to me and i think it’s genius: the 5th turtle kirby (like from 90s concept art) should be the donatello clone from 1987. like hello??? that’s genius pls watch the clone donatello episode

-if i see yall reducing mm april to just be shipped with leo i will end yall.

-lotus blossom is an interesting character even without her connection to leonardo and i wish everyone would notice !!!!

-not a hot take but rob paulsen should be in every tmnt thing we should make it tradition.

[crvwly]

I haven’t watched much horror movies at all. My mom forbade them and I’m finally out from her clutches. What are your top 15 movies that I need to see?

ohhggggg okay. first you should know that a lot of horror is people processing familial trauma through film (and my top recommendation is this specific genre) and that it's cathartic and beautiful and really scary sometimes. also everyone reacts differently to different types of horror so never feel bad about not being able/not wanting to finish a horror film !! they're overwhelming on purpose!

THAT BEING SAID

1. Hereditary - my top watch of all time, an all around beautiful and EXTREMELY TRAUMATIC film. DO NOT WATCH THIS FIRST!!!!!!!!

2. Scream - absolutely hilarious iconic series, very comedic horror, watch the first and maybe 2-4 but don't bother watching beyond the 4th movie i promise. kiss gale weathers for me

3. Saw - this movie series is absolute batshit nonsense it makes no sense and i love it. if you don't think you can do gore/torture i wouldn't bother with any of the saw movies as they are heavy on blood and flesh and Noises

4. Pearl - more family-centric horror!!! mia goth my scream queeeeeeen my favorite of the unofficial X Trilogy

5. Hellraiser (2022) - this is a reimagining of the original Hellraiser but it's 99% sexier and that's what's up

6. No Exit - i think this one might be more thriller than horror but tbh idk the difference, if you're triggered by drug use don't watch this one but it's sick as hell and kept me on my toes

7. Fear Street Trilogy - love love love this multi-decade campy cliche movie trilogy, with a beautiful story imo !!!! very graphic but queer and the message is love

8. Midsommar - lovveeee oversaturated colorful horror, lots of religious trauma and cult dynamics

9. The VVitch - the quote everyone knows says it all. wouldst thou like to live deliciously?

10. Nightmare on Elm Street - one of the classics that holds up today imo, the first scare got me good !!

11. Smile (2022) - honestly scared the actual shit out of me! very psychological horror with scenes that catch you incredibly off guard, the jumpscares were almost too much for me and the ending was just sequel-bait but otherwise big ups

12. It (1990) - a stephen king classic and Tim Curry is honestly terrifying just. as tim curry LMAO clown makeup aside

13. The Shining - another stephen king classic with lots of lore and theories and i'm partial to this one bc The Stanley Hotel is in Colorado which is where i'm from lolol

14. Insidious - honestly just a great film for getting educated on movie demonology lore before going into other demon movies. but watch out! 👹

15. Black Swan - kinda more thriller than horror but honestly a beautiful horror film with (you guessed it!) more family trauma and mila kunis goes down on natalie portman also. soooooo

[wlwanakin]

lets do obi wan, padme, Leia for character ask meme

obi-wan:

how i feel about this character: it’s complicated!! i love him and find him fascinating but i think there is too much of him everywhere and far too much of that is blatantly incorrect about him and due to that and how under-acknowledged his faults are i tend to go through seasonal intervals where i think he should be killed with a gun. but i love him mostly

all the people i ship romantically with this character: ventress, quinlan vos, darth maul a bit, i guess i tolerate his thing with satine. i’m not particularly serious about any of these though it’s just fun

my non-romantic otp for this character: i dislike this term! the dynamic that intrigues me the most is his dynamic with anakin but no way in hell am i calling that any kind of “otp”

my unpopular opinion about this character: he is not as important to anakin as y’all make him out to be. he is very important don’t get me wrong but like damn y’all love to make him #1. he’s not #1!! at all!!

one thing i wish would happen/had happened with this character in canon: i wish padmé had yelled at him just once

my otp: ventrobi <3 i like to think they have had extremely weird drunk bdsm sex as power play <3

my crossover ship: don’t have one

a headcanon fact: this will perhaps tie everything i’ve been saying together but mostly for my own amusement i really run with the “jedi are allowed to fuck” thing and hc that obi-wan essentially does the exact opposite of catholic celibacy and is the king of lackluster meaningless one-night stands. he fucks so much. this is of course very virtuous because there is no romantic desire involved. he would NEVER have post-marital sex that’s a sin

padmé:

how i feel about this character: LOVE OF MY LIFE. top 3 star war. i love her more and more every time i get back into it. this hyperfixation resurgence was mostly about her from the start i can’t stop writing fics in her pov

all the people i ship romantically with this character: anakin. and dormé a little bit. sometimes sabé if i’m in the mood

my non-romantic otp for this character: does sabédala count for this? it’s romantic but unrequited and i find it boring to change that and i love thinking about padmé’s side of it regardless so i guess it counts

my unpopular opinion about this character: her death is mostly fine!! people are always complaining about her death but i think it works conceptually and was executed fine. could’ve been better but i’m not losing sleep about it. her surviving would’ve been stupid bc she’s dead in the ot and i’d rather her death be on-screen and impactful like every male main character who dies

one thing i wish would happen/had happened with this character in canon: i need to see her grieve cordé and versé more!! those deaths haunt her and you can’t tell me otherwise and not even queen’s hope gave me any details on her grief and that pisses me off so bad. show me her grief!!!!

my otp: anidala <3

my crossover ship: don’t have one

a headcanon fact: in my heart and soul i know she’s a vegetarian. if you show me something that contradicts this i will ignore you. she also gets periodically so weird about food because she is a control freak and this is worsened by the vegetarianism. and sometimes she cannot go to the market because she will have an ethical dilemma about how the food is sourced that is so debilitating she simply does not buy anything. being a child queen gave her ocd <3

leia:

how i feel about this character: I LOVE HER!! she is one of my favorites in the ot <3 i dressed up as her for halloween when i was like six

all the people i ship romantically with this character: pretty much just han lmao. but every time i see people ship her with a woman i’m like “yeah i see it” so i also support leia yuri on principle

my non-romantic otp for this character: once again dislike this term!! bc my favorite non-romantic dynamic she has is with luke!! and i’m not calling that a ship in any sense!!

my unpopular opinion about this character: i don’t really have one?

one thing i wish would happen/had happened with this character in canon: i feel like i can’t answer this bc i don’t read enough ot stuff and it might just turn out anything i say did in fact happen in something i didn’t read

my otp: hanleia

my crossover ship: don’t have one

a headcanon fact: as a child she was really into a space equivalent of american girl dolls. her normalest childhood hobby was collecting a bunch of fucking…alderaanian girl dolls i guess and she would carry whichever one she was most excited about around and tell any adult willing to listen about the historical context the doll was supposed to come from in detail

[rysmaonthemic]

Shiguang dai li ren/Link Click thoughts

Spoiler season 2

I needed to take a deep breath after watching the last episode of season 2. Too many questions, too many theories: my head was and is at full speed. The whole season was hell of a ride, September 22th has to be a national holiday for Shuguang dai li ren fans 😭 (yes I’m a drama queen)

Establishing strict rules that should never be crossed otherwise terrible consequences would occur, the cliffhanger of saison 1 open the door to a large amount of questions. Thus, season 2 begins with a promise of trials and tribulations.

Through out the episodes we are the witness of massive ups and downs with a frenetic rhythm: it’s an absolute emotional roller coster for the viewers 😭. The unbearable tension reached its peak when we found out Lu guang is from the futur and he’s trying to change the past at all cost.

At the last minutes of episode 12 when we see the blood on his shirt, I don’t think it’s after being stab in S1 (he wouldn’t be so calm) it means it’s directly after Cheng Xiaoshi death in his real timeline ( bro didn’t even try to live 00.3s without CSX😭)

Despite of everything LG taught us, he broke the rules. We were aware of the rules through LG statement but now that we know he is an unreliable character maybe those rules aren’t completely true? For example the 12 hours rules (if so why would he lie to CSX?)

LG was also a time traveler: since when did he has the power?

He either had it before the new timeline - I don’t think so- or he gain it when CSX die in his arms. (Which imply futur-LG no longer has CSX power in the new time line). I think it’s the second solution.

We see LG going back to the past, is it the only time he did so? If not, how many time did he uses it?

To my mind he only used it one time. The way he feels guilty when he did it shows that it’s not something he is used to do.

What’s in the picture ?

I think he went back in time either at his first encounter with CSX or at the overseas trip : either way the LG we have known since S1 has to be LG from the futur.

We will learn more this overseas trip in s3 for sure (as well as CSX and LG past, I imagine a lot of flash back in s3)

Qiao Ling acquired Li Tianxi’s ability then how is she gonna use it ?How would she confront LG about it?

I think she would be chocked with a lot of empathy and understanding toward LG. She might combine her ability with LG in order to prevent CSX death…

Liu Xiao is clearly a new threat alongside Li Tianchen : Does he has power too? Is he kind of a time line agent or something ?😩 Will he combine his supposed power with Li Tianchen ? Now that he lost his sister and left his phone on the bench I think he has nothing to lose.

Moreover, how will CSX react to his non-death news ?

I feel like LG wouldn’t admit his act directly to CSX and CSX is going to found out through someone else. Will he be :

- Furious at LG (he prevent him from saving the village whereas CSX was deeply affected by it)

- Enraged at LG but accept his destiny

- Mad at LG but try to help LG to save himself

Whatever the answer above, I think CSX will be extremely angry at LG and his impulsivity might put him even more in danger.

LG is clearly willing to do everything and anything for CSX’s sake. However, all the event in S2 (twins etc + him being stab) is unknown to him bc it didn’t happen in his original time line. Lu Guang said something like “event seems to be changing ”

What if, at the very end, he goes back (one last time) to a past where he didn’t even meet CSX? If saving him means to never met him in the first place I think he would.

(Without LG in CSX’s life everything we saw wouldn’t happen ..?) (it’s super sad tho💀)

Whatever the end of it, LG might sacrifice himself for the life of CSX.

All in all, Lu guang is gay, we must protect CSX, QL is an adorable bad ass and we’re all going to suffer.

One last straw: LG keeps the date of CSX death as his phone password the same way Edouard Elric kept the date of his mother death on his watch. They both keep it as a reminder of their goal and the lost of their love ones 😃🔫

PS: I need to watch S1 again as well as S2

[alangdorf]

Actually more rambling now. Currently thinking thoughts abt Tsuru and also Yabu (and Tsubakura by extension, obviously, who do you think I am,)

Always extremely funny that Tsubakura isn’t in most of Evanescent Existence just because they ignored the psychic intercom message and got really interested in the weird cave instead. What exactly was Tsurubami’s plan for if they hadn’t done that?? They run into each other and Tsubakura’s like “yeah I guess this might as well happen to me today”

Anyway the whole plot of Evanescent Existence is bizarre but it feels in character with how inscrutable Tsurubami is. Impossible to tell whether he has a convoluted plan or if she’s just having fun and it doesn’t matter cause he’s so all-powerful she’ll just get whatever she wants in the end regardless. Awesome!

Gotta mention one of my favorite fan works and definitely my favorite writing of Tsurubami is Misremembered Memories (fangame by Mugenri) (the person); I once summed up Yabusame’s scenario as “hey girl I didn’t call to talk to you put your dog on the phone” and made myself laugh extremely hard. And the bit where Tsurubami is like “it’s a trade secret!” And Tsubakura’s like “We have the same job? I’m filling in for you at your job?” And Tsubrubami’s like “Oh, I guess you’re right!” *blatantly continues to not tell them what they were drugged with* is LEGENDARY. But aside from the incredible banter I also love how Tsurubami asks Yabu & Tsuba for favors only after they’re already in a position where they can’t reasonably refuse. Feels right (kicking the “frankly I think it’s hot when characters are manipulative” tag from my ‘shall we dance’ pic under the fridge)

Oh yeah speaking of the song I happen to have a very strong link between liking music -> liking the associated character (slightly less so for Len’en than with Tohuhou cause I’m more interested in the story on its own merits for Len’en but it still seems to largely be the case) and I’m still very obsessed with the song. Thoughts on how it connects to the character 1) leading (like in dancing) 2) disorienting 3) silly goofy mischievous. Though I’ll admit I’m even more obsessed with broken eternal dance engine these days and that’s a twofer cause it’s actually Arde but would still presumably apply to a case where Tsurubami was outright trying to kill you! Either way 1) DANGER 2) even more disorienting 3) if you have the sound turned up just enough on that last big beat drop. Insane. The key change. The flip from just piano to full strings and heavy bass and crazy percussion. Kills me every time

(Tangent my friends who only know Len’en because of me talking about it are used to me very ardently insisting that Arde is just, like, pretty normal actually and today I was like “oh yeah I forgot this is her theme btw” *MO-NA-D-1 Memory Pursuit (basically a horror movie soundtrack)* lol)

Also I was thinking about the possibility that Tsurubami was the one who activated Rei (bc of how Rei talks abt him) and that’s got me spiraling. What all is she doing out there? If he was outright pretending to be Tsubakura again wouldn’t Hoojiro (& Haru) know about it? How’d he get access otherwise?

Extreme mental gymnastics offshoot from there: is Tsubakura a nepo baby??? Is it EN like 燕??? I dunno man. Trying to reverse engineer their backstory is such an ordeal; I keep muddling through their confusing relationship dynamics with Arde (it’s more straightforward with Hamal. Weird and bad, but straightforward!) and I’ll just be constantly going like girl (gender neutral) what is wrong with you…. Why are you like this……..

Anyway. My one big thing to share about Yabu is that I used to make the joke that Len’en as a whole feels like “Tsubakura’s terrible horrible no good very bad day, and also Yabusame is there” and then one day I had the epiphany to flip “it’s kinda funny Yabu just doesn’t really have a personal reason to be involved in all this” into “but she is anyway! They didn’t have to be there but she’s there for Tsubakura!” and got extremely soft about it.

Also uhhh I guess it depends on how much everyone knows about how Suzumi and their abilities work (always difficult to sus out) but in theory if Tsubakura knows about Yabusame’s immunity then them living with her would lessen paranoia that Suzumi could show up and then make them forget about it afterwards (though maybe undeservedly considering how BPoHC went lol)? Works as a deterrent either way. Okay so I think what we’ve learned here is I’m definitely not done with trying to make sense of a detailed headcanon version of precanon lol

[loverboy-cc]

I think the reason Halsin and Zevlor (and Jaheria but I don’t post about her often) appeal to me so much as characters is bc they’re old and queer. Halsins varied queerness is an inherent fact of his character, and I heavily hc Zev as a cis gay man and jaheria as a straight transfem.

I only recently realized why I like that so much, it’s because it’s incredibly likely I won’t get old.

Tw. Death, graphic descriptions of chronic illness, mention of genocide, violence fuelled by bigotry.

I’m kinda just rambling in hopes that maybe someone like me will get comfort from knowing that they’re not alone.

I’m mixed, visibly queer, physically disabled, chronically ill and poor in an extremely conservative area. One of my only clear memories before 2016 is being told I wouldn’t live to see 13 bc of all the things wrong with me. I could drop dead from any number of physical issues, I could be killed for being queer, I could be murdered as a “joke” (this whole thing was prompted by an article about a group of teenagers who pushed a wheelchair user to her death in front of a train a few months back bc they thought it was funny. I was at the exact station where it happened, in my wheelchair, waiting for the train.) because I’m supposed to use a mobility aid, which means murder is okay, apparently.

I don’t know any old queers either, I’m not fond of adult themed events but there was a time when I forced myself to go anyway. Just to see people who really and truly lived.

And there was no one.

I know why there wasn’t, but still.

The oldest queer person I’ve ever known was 37, and 39 when she was murdered.

I suppose I just want to hope that someone like me will be able to grow old, and be truly and completely happy.

A part of me is guilty about that, in a weird sort of way. Be the change you want to see in the world and what have you, but I quite literally can’t.

Protests rarely stay peaceful here bc of pigs (cops) and violence fueled by bigotry. I cannot move fast enough to get away.

I can’t afford to donate, I have to live with two people who are, frankly, incredibly bad for my mental health bc this province believes $500 a month covers rent (if I had to pay rent and not just utilities my third would be close to $600 with 3 people in a 2 bedroom, we could not find a cheaper place.)

I do my daily clicks for Palestine (one on each device + in incognito), I keep myself as up to date as I can handle without breaking down. (Particularly genocide is something that has been a constant in my life, Ukrainian/indigenous, somehow both the 2nd generation to be born in Canada and the 2nd generation to be born off the reserve. I physically cannot handle reading about it without making myself legitimately sick a lot of the time, I’m guilty about that too.)

My silly little pngs don’t have to worry about that. They’re only sad when I say they are, otherwise they are happy and they are loved. Loved in a way I can’t even understand, really. I don’t know what it’s like to sit on a counter and kiss my partner while I’m cooking, I don’t know what it’s like to be domestic. It feels weird and edgy to say but it’s true, I don’t know what life is like without pain and exhaustion and struggle. I have fought tooth and nail to make myself a safe space and still it does not exist outside myself. I have exactly 10.2 square meters that are truly safe, and even when I am safe I am in pain, my joints ache and dislocate and fight me when I try to move.

So I draw my silly little pngs, and hope that someone will eventually be happy like that. Because even when everyone is shitty hope is really fucking important. And I can do that, dear gods I can hope. As hard as I can I hope for change.

[nonclassyparty]

listen honestly woo pissed me off so bad this chapter. the way he defended yeosang and hit mc with the “he didn’t do anything wrong” i’m just like “you KNOW what he did, she cried to you about it idk how many times!! like is he playing dumb?” you like yeosang that much that you’d throw away a friendship like that? you only knew him for a week!! (i know it was longer but still 🙄)

and i know it’s their personality but idk why the first thing he isn’t trying to do is apologize to her. i feel like she genuinely deserves that but ig it’d feel like he’s apologizing for being with yeosang which is something he isn’t sorry for but at that point i’d fight bc what happened for y’all to fall that hard so fast you’d do your best friend like that?? we’d be fighting. it was definitely unfair and a cop out to throw it in her face how she lied to him and use that as justification bc she had apologized already and was even making an effort to not to do that again so idk where the hell he got off thinking it was his turn

and thinking about it now in the past ten chapters no one’s truly apologized to this girl after the bs they have put her through. and then have the nerve to try and feel sorry but never outright just say “i’m sorry for..” like i would be losing it

nono when he said "he didn't do anything wrong" he was referring to present time and the way yn was treating him in that moment, obv wy knows what ys did wrong otherwise he wouldn't have been hiding their relationship.

and wooyoung's first instinct WAS to apologize but the more yn was hostile the more he started giving her the same treatment as thats how they were when they were kids like they're both extremely explosive and when they go against each other like this it always brings out the worst in one another bc they're so similar. in chp 2 i think she even describes wy as being the only one who can keep up with her in that scenario and says he knows how to be even worse than her (meaning more cruel when the two of them get into it). the only difference is that after they become friends, yn always repeats to herself how she couldnt do or say anything to hurt wy which is why she held back so many times in the past but wy didn't do the same thing for her and i think besides the lying that's the thing that will hurt the most for her. that people who she always holds herself back from hurting when she's angry don't seem to be doing the same for her. which is heartbreaking...yeah 😭 and he's gonna hate himself for it (he already does)

besides that, he'll never be sorry for being in a relationship with ys bc that would make yeo feel like shit as well no? he's only sorry for lying and hiding stuff from yn and now for throwing san in her face like that.

your last paragraph got me thinking a little bit...bc i have never even thought of writing any of these characters to be nicer to her in the moments when they're supposed to be 'mean' no matter how bad they might seem. i guess what makes people think they can be unapologetically cruel to her is because she is cruel herself so they think she can handle it and that she won't even be thinking too much about it bc she's just in her own little world which is obviously wrong and she's a lot softer than she lets on and she was from the start. wy obviously knows better than that but san, mingi, hwa, her parents, jennie and the rest of those girls they all think she can handle it bc of the cold, untouchable and sometimes simply mean attitude that she carries herself with.

thanks for this message by the way, it's really fun to discuss like this with you guys <3